#getting into fights to save his friends and letting mikasa clean up his mess

[selene-moonie]

the creator of aot knew how to make war hit home.

talking about 150,000 people dead in a war makes it feel distant, but letting your viewer/reader get attached to a character and killing off their loved ones in the war hits much harder.

it's why we supported eren from the get-go. his mom was eaten by a titan. it would be reasonable for him to want them all dead.

but isayama kept doing it.

marco was so sweet. he was so supportive of jean. it was so messed up how we found out he was dead - in titan vomit. that hit home because what he'd told jean was true, that jean would make a great leader because of his quick thinking and ability to work with what he had. he was nice. i liked him. his death changed jean.

and then. you find out that reiner was the one who set up marco's death. years after marco's death, isayama has brought a war death home again. because he wasn't just titan food, his death was premeditated by one of their enemies.

and isayama did it with everyone, everywhere, all the time.

miche's death was so hard for me because he was this capable, amazing man with an insane sense of smell. and he shit himself before he died because the beast titan spoke.

that male soldier in the tower with reiner, bertie, historia and ymir - he wanted to drink the alcohol. the alcohol that historia didn't know she'd wasted on reiner's regenerative arm. that soldier died with no solace. it was just empty. a titan ate him. yeah he's a scout, but it was so fucking disgusting how it happened.

makes you think about how fucking disgusting war is.

[cherry-romper]

M. Bodt. - Stay With me

Warnings: None.

Contains: GN!reader. fluff, comfort.

This was the first day off you'd had in around 8 months. After all the training and fighting, it had become second nature to be constantly moving. Many of your friends had already gotten carriages to the markets in town, but you didn't feel like going. Maybe it was the feeling of sadness from finally being able to process everything or just sheer boredom, you couldn't tell, but you body wouldn't move. As much as you wanted to, you simply couldn't.

'By now, breakfast will have already finished,' you thought. You were still wrapped up in the warm sheets of your bed, your body sweating from the heat. You felt yourself sinking further into the pillow, letting out a groan of frustration. 'Why won't you move?' you cursed yourself for not being out of bed yet. 'Another day wasted. Why can't I do anything right?'

In the moment, you'd managed to tangle yourself in a web of self loathing. You couldn't help it. After watching so many friends die, after being saved countless times, after everything you'd been through, you still couldn't find the motivation to do something. Silent tears fell down your cheeks, soaking the pillow beneath your head. 'Weak.'

You debated just staying in bed the whole day, not showing face to anyone, not eating, not moving, just wallowing in self pity. But as it appeared, Marco Bott had other plans for you.

A knock came from your door. "Y/N, its me. Are you awake?"

'Oh, Marco,' you thought, 'always here to save the day.'

Along side Armin and Christa, Marco was one of the sweetest people you'd ever met, and one of the strongest. You fought with yourself to give him a reply, but to no avail. Your voice had escaped you.

Slowly the door began to open, the light from the corridor hurt you eyes a little. You watched as he made his way into the room. Quietly, he set down a bowl and two cups, then, from under his arm, a bottle. He made sure that they were all set out nearly before he turn his attention to you. His eyes widened a little when he saw you. "Oh my, are you feeling alright?" he asked, rushing over to your side. "You're burning up, Y/N," he rested the back of his hand on your forehead, his eyes examining you face, a small blush on his. The best you could do was nod in response.

He looked down at your sheets, "I think you should take these off, they're making you too hot." Again, you only nodded. Carefully, he peeled the sheets off of you. The two of you were close, so for him to see you in your sleep wear wasn't an issue; Marco wasn't the type to make a fuss about a little skin. He folded the sheets at the end of your bed and went to open the window. "There," he spoke, hanging his head outside a little, "the breeze should help cool you down."

The wind kissed your skin gently, it was just what you'd needed. You felt cooler already - and calmer. He hesitated at the window, looking out to admire the greenery. "Thank you," you muttered, your voice cracking a little.

He snapped his head back to you, a smile appearing on his face. "No worries! Actually," he walked over to where he had put the bowl earlier, "I brought you breakfast."

'You did?' you wheezed. Finally you had the strength to sit up right. You looked at him with a happy and confused look.

"Well, you see, I was waiting for you in the Mess Hall. I was the first one there this morning, so I knew you hadn't come to eat anything. When Mikasa came in, I asked her where you were, and she told me you were still sleeping. I got concerned, you're normally such an early bird. So, just as they were getting ready to clean up the leftovers, I nabbed you some." He held out the bowl in his hand, in it was a warm batch of porridge. He chuckled a little, his blush deepening. "I know it's not your favourite, but it's better than nothing!"

Once again, you were at a loss for words. You were happy, but your weak stature betrayed that. He looked upset, like you had just rejected him. He put the bowl back down on the table and sat down next to you. "Are you alright, Y/N? You don't seem yourself," he placed an arm around your shoulders. You stared into his light brown eyes, your breath caught in your throat. Your brain was wizzing around a thousand miles an hour. He was so sweet and kind. To think he's actually thought of you all morning, enough that he would go out of his way to bring you breakfast in bed. Words couldn't describe the gratitude you felt for this man. You simply hugged him.

He let out a gasp as his body tensed up. It didn't take long for him to hug you back though, as hard as he could. "Stay with me," you spoke.

"W-what?" he stuttered.

"Stay with me. Just for today. Please." You looked up at him through the hug. His mouth was agape and yet you could still tell he was smiling. You'd never seen him go so red.

"I thought you'd never ask."

[meliakirschtein]

MESS HALL KISS

“C’mon potato girl!!! Drop it!!!” Jean cried, trying to pull the meat from Sasha’s mouth. Connie had her in a headlock, and Melia was holding her legs down, as she was punching and kicking. “Sasha!! I don’t want to have to kill you here!!!” Connie exclaimed, keeping his hold on her. It was the night before their mission to reclaim Wall Maria, and the scouts were all treated with a meat feast as one final hurrah. Melia pulled on Sasha’s legs, causing her to lose grip of the meat for just a moment.

“I’ve got it!! Jean said, pulling it out of her mouth, only to have his hand chomped on. “SASHA, YOU FREAK!! THAT’S MY HAND, YOU’RE EATING MY HAND!!” he squealed. “Sasha!!! We don’t eat our friends!!!” Melia cried, prying her mouth open and holding Jean’s bleeding hand in hers. “We should probably get a bandage for that,” Melia said. “Really?? You scouts never get meat? Pathetic,” Marlowe said incredulously, causing Sasha to punch him in the nose. “Connie, just knock her out already,” Mikasa said.

“Owwww… Hey, would you mind patching up my nose?” Marlowe asked Melia, who was gently wrapping a bandage around Jean’s hand. “Ehh, it looks fine to me,” Melia replied, sitting down and cutting herself a piece of meat. Jean sat down next to her, giving Marlowe on the other side of the table the smuggest look he could muster. “I bet Hitch would patch up your nose if she were here,” Jean said smugly as Melia served him a piece of meat also.

The scouts continued to enjoy their meal together, eating and laughing and talking. Melia got up to check on Sasha, who was tied to a pole. She had finally wore herself down and just sat there. “Don’t worry, I’ll save you a piece of meat,” Melia said, patting her on the head before returning to the table with her friends, hearing the middle of another argument between Jean and Eren. “The ones who really suck are the suicidal maniacs who think the only way to fight is to charge in blind, right??” Jean egged Eren on.

“Are you talking about someone in particular?” Eren asked. “Yeah… I’m looking right at him… suicidal maniac,” Jean said, incredulously. The exchanges continued as they both stood up and began exchanging blows… both through punches and their words. “Wh-what’s going on?” Marlowe asked. “Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s normal for them,” Melia said, standing at the end of the table, watching the two boys duke it out. “Should we let them keep going?” Armin asked. “I think it’s fine…” Mikasa answered, looking over to Melia, who smally nodded in agreement.

Right as the fight seemed to be slowing down, Captain Levi appeared from nowhere and gave each of the boys a swift punch to the gut, knocking them both to the floor. “That’s enough celebrating… go to bed,” he instructed as Jean began throwing up the meat he had eaten just a bit ago. “And clean that up…” Levi added in his usual deadpan tone. “Yessir!!” the scouts called out, getting to work cleaning up the mess hall and Jean’s big mess.

Melia crouched down next to Jean and linked her arm in his, helping him to stand up. “Hey… you ok??” she asked. “Why didn’t you stop us?” Jean asked, wiping his mouth. “You were both kinda asking for it…” Melia replied, slinking her arm around his waist as he draped his arm around her shoulders weakly. She helped him out of the mess hall and had him sit down on a step just outside. “Wait here,” she said, as he leaned his side against the wall next to him.

He sat there for what felt like an eternity, grimacing at the pain. Within a few minutes, Melia returned, with a teacup in hand and a loaf of bread. “It’s a good thing I’m buddies with the kitchen staff,” Melia said, handing the cup to Jean. “It’s peppermint, it’ll help with your stomach,” she added. “Thanks,” he said, taking it from her and sipping it slowly. “And you should eat some bread, it’s bland enough that it shouldn’t bother your weak stomach, but you do need some sort of food in you,” she instructed.

“Geez, you’re starting to treat me like my mom does,” Jean whined. “Oh? You want me to start calling you ‘Jean-boy’?” Melia teased. “Don’t you dare… although… it’s not so bad when you say it,” he replied as he took the bread from her and began munching on it. “And Eren called it a mane… but I really do like your hair,” Melia said, ruffling his hair. “Longer hair suits you,” she continued, blushing smally. “Do you really think so?” Jean asked as he tried to look at his hair before continuing, “If that’s the case, I’ll let it grow out.”

The pair sat for awhile longer as Jean ate up the bread and finished drinking his tea. “Ok, we better get to bed,” Melia said, standing up. Jean pulled on her skirt slightly to get her attention. “Would you… go with me?” he asked, blushing. “I mean, yeah?? The male and female barracks are in the same direction, I’m not walking over there by myself!” she replied. “I meant… go to bed with me?” he clarified, not meeting her eyes.

“Woah there, Jean-boy, isn’t that a bit too soon for that?? I mean, we haven’t even kissed yet!!” Melia replied, her face turning a bright red. “WHAT??? NO! That’s not what I meant!! I just mean sleep with me!!” he tried to clarify. “JEAN!!” Melia exclaimed. “NO WAIT!!! UGH! I mean just sleep next to me… Geez!! I’m a gentleman, after all!!” he said, still flustered. “What I’m trying to say is that all those nights when we were on run with the special ops and you slept next to me, I always slept so good… even though we were sleeping on the cold hard ground,” Jean clarified.

“Don’t be stupid… Captain Levi would KILL us if I were to sneak into the men’s barracks!” Melia said, sitting down beside him again. “I know, forget I said anything,” he said, resting his hand in his chin and staring at the wall next to him, thoughtfully. “Only if you kiss me...” Melia said, shyly. She would never be so bold as to make a request, but she felt like Jean needed a morale boost. “What? Here? Now? My breath probably still reeks…” he said, knowing that he had just thrown up moments earlier.

“…and this isn’t exactly a romantic place to kiss you, I’d rather it be perfec-” before he could finish his thought, Melia had grabbed his collar and pulled him in, awkwardly locking her lips with his. Jean was shocked, embarrassed, flustered… but enthralled by the feeling of his first kiss. As they separated, Jean continued to look at Melia wide-eyed, though she couldn’t look at him yet. “Idiot… you need to get out of your head sometimes… and yeah, your breath still kinda reeks,” Melia said.

“But… it was still perfect,” she added shyly. Jean chuckled shyly. “Yeah… it was,” he said, leaning in, wanting to try again, before being interrupted. “There you are!!! Idiot! Captain Levi was asking why your bunk is empty!! Just wait ‘til I tell him you were busy kissing Melia behind the mess hall!!” Connie exclaimed after seeing them. “CONNIE YOU MORON! GET BACK HERE!!!” Jean said, taking off after Connie, who was running away with all haste.

[oneofthosesimps]

Freak like Me

pairing: levi x fem!reader I nsfw

word count: 6230

summary: as soon as the reader enters levi's life, something changes in him. reader's madness spills over and he slowly changes

warnings: mention of blood (not yours), rough sex, dirtytalk, daddy kink, swearing, dom x dom, fight scene

authors note: although i wanted to write shorter stories again, this one somehow got longer again. i tried my hand at an action scene, but i still have to practice a lot. somehow i had strong harley x joker vibes and they had to come out, sorry.

all credits to the artist of this pic:

Lensar on DeviantArt

-----

Your gaze falls into the depths of the forest before you close your eyes. Bright rays of sunlight fall through the branches above you and warm your face. You hear birds chirping around you, the crackling of the wood beneath you, the rustling of leaves swirling in a gust of wind. You breathe deeply as your open hair blows back. You hear your heart beating quietly in your chest as the silence embraces you like an old friend. What does freedom mean? What does life mean? You are sure that this is pretty close to the source. The people behind the wall, who go about their lives every day hoping to see the next day, would never get to see this world. Especially not the people you left behind in the underground.

A grin plays around your lips as you hear the hissing far off in the distance. The trees groan behind you under the force with which the hooks bore into their bark. That took a long time, you think to yourself, as ropes speed past you. You hear the chatter and shouts of your comrades in fragments, shattering the silence around you. Blurred faces shoot past you one after the other.

You spread your arms and stretch them away from you. One last deep breath fills your lungs before you hold your breath. Slowly your body falls backwards before you lose your footing beneath you and plunge headlong into the depths. The air hisses loudly past your ears, your body spins around itself. You are weightless, the green blurs around you before your whole body is pressed full force into your harness and you are yanked back up. You hear the gas sweep around you as you fly through the air, trailing the others. Your hooks bore further away into the trunk of a thick, old tree. You take momentum, flying high into the treetops, letting the ropes come back to you. Unsecured, you fall through space. Your body does a backward roll, allowing you to observe the forest floor for a brief moment. The moss nestles around the roots of the trees, single brown leaves cover the forest path, bodies move forward beneath you, you can still see a squirrel quickly making its way to safety before your body returns to its normal position and you dig your hooks into a tree again. You zip between the trees, your cape flying behind you, your face brushing some branches that bore into your tender skin. You hear the pop of a cannon being fired and see red smoke in the sky northwest of you.

Immediately you change direction, sprinting forward, leaving behind other cadets who still haven't processed what is happening. Arriving in a clearing, you find your place on a thick branch high above. Further in the distance, you see the shaking of trees, the earth shaking slightly, making the grass dance on the ground. You hear heavy footsteps, still moving slowly.

The branch below you moves and you look to your right. Silver eyes stare at you from beneath tousled black hair, eyeing your small body.

"You really do have to keep pushing forward." You hear more bodies land on the trees behind you and the wood weighs down slightly. The rest of your squad waits for instruction from your captain.

"I guess this is why I'll never get my own Squad, sir."

You turn your gaze back to the direction the titan is coming at you from and grin.

"What do you think, fifteen seconds?"

"Mmm, more like ten," Levi guesses, and the tremor intensifies. A huge hand grips around a tree trunk, pulling out from between the trees, and big eyes stare at you. Nearly ten-metres high, abnormal.

"Let's see what you can do then, humanity's strongest soldier." He snorts and rolls his eyes before his whole body moves forward with a jerk. He pulls his swords from their holsters and places them close to his body. With an ease and without the titan even noticing him, he cuts a chunk out of his neck. Before Levi even gets back beside you, the giant falls to the ground and starts to steam.

That wasn't even seven. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, the blood on his face slowly disappears and he looks at you. A small smirk curls his lips, "Brat."

You snort and slam your fist against his shoulder.

Special.

That's the word everyone would use to describe your relationship.

Special.

The first time Levi laid his eyes on you, when he saw you among all the new, shitty cadets, his foot hit your stomach area shortly after. You lacked respect and you lacked punctuality and discipline too. Another pile of shit he had to deal with - or work on until it headed home in tears.

The day after that, he hit your face with his fist. Kneeling on the floor in front of him, panting, you looked up at him. Wiping blood from your lips, you grinned at him and looked at him with wide eyes, your pupils exploding. "That's all you got, sir." Just as he was about to grit his teeth and lunge with his foot to beat the living daylights out of you, Hange stopped him. He tore himself away from her and knelt down to you, looking at you with dead eyes, "I'm going to make your fucking life a living hell." Your tongue licked over your lower lip, wiping away the remaining blood and your grin widened, "Try me."

He kept his word, always picking you out, giving you more tasks, making you run round after round, cleaning the whole headquarters, beating up your little body several times, but to his displeasure you did it all flawlessly. Yes, you lacked respect and also punctuality and discipline, but your performance was amazing, almost close to his. And when he finally saw the potential in you that Erwin had been talking about all along, it suddenly stopped - he left you alone, saw you with different eyes. Something changed in him, as if a plug had been pulled. You watched each other across the field during training, in mess hall at dinner, every spare minute your eyes spent on each other and gradually butterflies crept into the pit of your stomach. And you had the feeling that behind the cold silver there was something deep and dark that you wanted to bring to the surface. Your exchanges were still kept to a minimum, however, until there was another bang.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you snort, raising an eyebrow.

"Excuse me, brat?" You roll your eyes and stare at him just as coldly as it hits you. The temperature in the room drops noticeably and the others at the table hold their breath. No one dares to say anything. No one would dare say anything. The moonlight from outside shines in, the candles in the room flicker slightly and trace sharp edges on your faces.

"That's the stupidest plan I've heard in a long time," you repeat louder, "Better, sir?"

Levi's eyes blaze and he stares at you. His eyebrows draw together, the corners of his mouth drop. You see Armin open his mouth speechlessly to your right.

Your hairs stand up, the electricity rises and you bite your lower lip, grinning.

"You doubt my plan?" says Levi low and monotone. Jean's hand lands on your shoulder and he grips it, pressing you into your seat to save you from your own stupidity, but it wasn't you who was stupid, it was the whole plan Levi had just explained to you.

"Not only do I doubt it, but I also have a better one," your grin widens as Levi's liquid silver darkens. "Let me fight on the front lines. Mikasa is good, but I'm better".

"For that, you're an incorrigible little bitch who won't listen to my orders".

"Yes, because my plans usually make more sense".

"You're not ready for that. Your cluelessness only makes you run from one titan to another. That statement alone shows me how small your brain is if you're not even aware of it and now shut your mouth."

Jean's grip tightens, but you just push his hand away from you. After your next blink, your heart jumps a tiny bit as you see Levi's annoyed face. He is always good at holding back his anger and it never shows. In fact, he almost never shows any emotion, but you see right through him. He has it bubbling up inside him. Never contradicts him and if he does, the person suffers a thousand deaths afterwards. But between you it is somehow different, tingling. It gives you the greatest pleasure to see him like this and you know, deep inside him, a voice is telling him that he enjoys it too. Others would describe you as crazy and full of the courage to live, but that's what makes it all so appealing.

"Maybe we can find a compromise?" suggests Armin and you see the sweat on his brow as he almost shits himself at the words. You roll your eyes and look back at Levi.

"I thought you wanted to make my life hell. So that's a good start," you remind him of the first words he ever said to you.

"Your plans are bullshit. If I let you keep fighting up front, you'll probably get yourself killed by your insanity, " he growls, almost at his limit. But only almost.

You lean over slightly, look at him, smile slightly, grin, bite your lip again, breathe, "I have a feeling you like this madness, Levi."

He tenses slightly, draws his eyebrows together again as his name passes your lips. Connie coughs and tries to draw attention to himself, but everyone ignores him. It seems like everyone is in a state of shock because you simply addressed him by his first name. Everyone watches spellbound as you literally eye-fuck each other. Do they like the show? Almost at his limit.

"Tch, what did you just call me, brat?" his voice gets louder and his hands form into fists. You lean back in your chair again and look at him, bored.

"Oh, I didn't know you had such bad hearing. Don't you like Levi? That's your name, isn't it? Do you prefer Sir? Or Captain? Or maybe," your eyes looked up at him, burning into him, "Daddy?" At his limit. Pathetic.

A deep dark sound comes from his throat and the others hold their breath again. His whole posture grows stronger and wider. You see the muscles working under his clothes, see veins popping on his hand and you feel butterflies in your stomach. His eyes are black. You all sit like that for a few seconds. You watch his gestures and his face change emotions. Without warning, his right hand hits the table flat, "Fuck off."

The sound cuts through the silence and the weaklings among you flinch. Confused, no one moves, while your eyes do not leave each other's. Armin is about to open his mouth and Jean is about to put his hand on your shoulder again when Levi stands up with a jerk, his chair tipping backwards and hitting the wooden floor with a thud.

"I said fuck off," he roars, looking around with a death glare.

Chairs squeak, footsteps run across the wooden floor, making it creak.

"What have you done now?" whispers Jean in your ear and you give him a look before he walks behind the others and the door closes.

The scene stops again and you stare at Levi. Both hands flat on the table in front of him, leaning on his arms and looking down, he stands there. You can no longer see his eyes as his long black strands fall into his face, but you notice his tense jaw. Your heart leaps again. He was so handsome. Especially when he was angry. Finally, you break the silence.

"Great, now you've scared everyone," you sigh and roll your eyes.

"What are you doing?", Levi hisses back at you, spitting venom and bile, finally raising his head. His eyes blaze again and your core drips.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You know your place, so start acting like it, you piece of shit."

"I wish my place was naked in front of you." Before Levi has taken in what you've said, you stand up, pushing the chair back a little as you do so, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go to sleep too. The day was exhausting and I need to rest to be fit for the expedition. So, I can sit my ass off nicely in midfield."

You turn away from him and your heart slips slightly into your pants. Never turn your back on the enemy. "But of course, it makes much more sense for Mikasa to fight in front and me in the back. Makes sense."

You can take two steps as his hand wraps firmly around your wrist. He squeezes too tightly, hurting you, and you grin again.

"Repeat what you said." His voice is so low it sends a shiver down your spine. Your expression changes and, playfully annoyed, you turn to face him.

"Do you mean the part where I explained that I was going to sit my ass off." He growls and you almost groan. The tension was heavy and hot.

"Stop playing games. My patience is running out."

You lick your lower lip again, wetting it before biting down on it. "I know this isn't about the fucking mission," Levi looks at your mouth. You take a step closer to him, looking up at him from below. "I wish my place was naked in front of you, Daddy," you breathe.

In that split second, his lips land on yours. Two forces of nature collide and you almost topple backwards. His arm wraps tightly around your waist, pulling you against him, and you finally moan. He bites your lower lip hard and you open your mouth in pain. He takes the opportunity to dig his tongue deep between your lips. He presses himself against your body and you slam into the wall behind you. A pain runs through your head as your tongues circle each other, fighting to see who has the upper hand. Your hands go into his hair, reaching deep into his mane, and you pull his head closer to you. Big hands grip your waist and he lifts you up with ease so you can wrap your legs around him. His hands travel under your thighs, squeezing the flesh before he drills them into the fat of your ass. Your teeth collide as you drill your tongue deeper into his mouth, exploring his mouth cavity. He releases the kiss and a thread of spit connects you. You lay your head back and lick over your swollen, sore lips as he places his mouth on your vein, kissing your pulse before licking along it.

"Took you long enough to finally decide to fuck me."

"Shut your mouth, brat," he breathes against your neck before biting into it and sucking on it.

"I swear, if you leave hickeys ..." you groan.

"What then? Are you going to hit me with your little fists?"

"You mean like you did to me all those times? Nah, I'm not an asshole like you. But you probably secretly get off on it."

He bites your neck, just above your pulse, and your head slams back against the wall behind you, making you see stars. He smirks as his nails dig into you and you claw into his shirt. Your panties are completely wet and your juice leaks out of you incessantly. You moan loudly as his teeth dig deeper into your flesh. This was far too good to be true. Your left hand goes into his hair again, you pull at the strands and tear him away from you. He makes a face and you press your lips to his again, biting his lower lip until you taste blood. He gasps and pushes your head away from him, "You're crazy."

You grin broadly at him. "We've been over this," you lick his lower lip apologetically, "and I can see you like it." His gaze is on your face as you wrap your arms around him. "You like crazy, you will stick your dick in crazy." A dark sound escapes him and your nails run over his neck. "You can't even argue with me, you want to fuck this crazy bitch so badly."

His lips land on yours again and you grin against him before moaning into his mouth as he presses you tighter against the wall. His hands leave your ass, skimming up the sides of your waist before moving forward to your chest. Two of his fingers find their way along between the buttons, stroking the sensitive skin. Your belly grows warm with the butterflies inside him. You wrap your legs tighter around his waist and run your hand under the fabric of his shirt at the nape of his neck, running it over the muscles of his shoulders and it shakes you with pleasure.

His strong hands grip the fabric of your blouse and without warning, he rips the front apart, sending the buttons flying across the room. You bite your lip as his arms fall around your waist to hold you in place. "You shouldn't have taken your anger out on my blouse," you moan as he kisses the bulge above your right collarbone and licks along it.

"Would you rather I took it out on you?" he murmurs as he bites into that thin skin too, sucking on it and sure to leave a hickey.

"Yes, I don't know you any different."

He continues to lick forward, kissing the ridge at the end of your neck, licking over a mole at the beginning of the mound of your breast. His right hand comes away from your waist, grips your left breast and kneads it. You claw into his shoulders, leaving marks as he pushes the cup off it and you feel his hand skin on skin. Almost painfully, he rolls your nipple between his thumb and forefinger and you push your back through, coming to meet him.

"Mmm, you like that?" he murmurs and you can hear his grin.

"I never thought you'd be this good at it," you mock, before you make a grimace and groan. Pain runs through you as he bites down on your nipple and then his lips wrap around it and he sucks on it. The sensation extends to your fingertips and your toes, coursing through your whole body. You close your eyes, savouring and moaning his name as he bites into it again. He sucks harder on it, lifting his head slightly and releasing it with a plop. He circles your nipple with his tongue and licks it slowly and pleasurably. The knot in your stomach tightens and your head is fogged.

"More," you moan into the room. You tug at the piece of fabric covering him and press your core tighter against him.

"Don't be so impatient, idiot."

"I'm not impatient, you're just slow."

He pulls your whole body down a bit, pressing his bulge into your centre. You curse because the fabric between you is annoying and rub against him greedily.

"Slowly then?" he purrs against your ear and comes towards you, rubbing against you too, "I'll keep that in mind." He grips you again and lifts you away from the wall. You let yourself fall against him and moan against his neck, licking it as you continue to try and build pressure.

Shortly after, your bottom touches the table and he releases your weight. You seize the opportunity and do the same to him, yanking him out of his shirt.

"Tch, but I'm venting my anger," he leans over you, capturing your lips again. Immediately your tongues meet. Greedily your fingers touch his body, stroking his soft skin beneath your fingers, feeling individual scars over, which you let your thumb wander. You caress each and every muscle and gape at his well-built body. He surpasses every single one of your fantasies that you imagined while he was training or just cleaning. You follow his muscles down to the V of his pelvis and a deep moan comes over him as you undo the buckle of his belt. His hands also find their way to your trousers, undoing them, and he releases the kiss. He goes to the floor, kneels in front of the table where you are still sitting and looks up at you. Slowly he takes off your boots without taking his eyes off you. You watch him spellbound, a grin falling on your lips again. He pulls at your trouser legs and you lift your bottom, helping a little so that he can brush the fabric off your legs.

His hands run over your feet and you shake yourself slightly before he kisses them.

"Mmm," you moan, "I could see you like this more often, Captain." You bite your lower lip as his hands slide along your legs. Again, and again his lip or tongue hits your skin, caressing it and you are sure you would leave a stain on the neatly cleaned table. At the latest, when his lips lick the insides of your thighs, your hands clasp the edge of the table. You groan and your right hand goes into his hair, claws into it. His hands settle on your legs, pushing them apart, and his warm breath touches your core. He looks at the dark fabric separating his face from your lower lips and licks his lips. How will you taste? There is a distinct stain, your juice colours the fabric a shade blacker and his hard cock presses against his still closed trousers. He draws in the air around him and he groans. You smell so incredibly good, how much he'd like to taste you. How much he would like to fuck you.

When you notice his fingers gently stroking your pussy and he grips the fabric to pull it aside, you moan again and pull on his head.

Painfully he is pulled back and you close your legs.

"What are you doing, idiot?" he gasps in annoyance, his face contorting at the sting.

"I don't feel like playing this time," you murmur, grinning. "My patience is wearing thin," you repeat his words from earlier, "I don't feel like waiting anymore."

You press your toes against his chest and push him backwards. He is slightly off balance, staggers and falls into the chair behind him.

"Unzip your pants already", you stand up and your hands each rest on the back of the chair next to his head, your breasts dangling in his face, "Go ahead".

Completely caught off guard, he undoes the button and then the zip. You grin again and lean forward towards him. Your lips meet his jaw, kissing along it to his ear and you put your mouth to the shell of his ear, "And now you take out your big cock."

He growls slightly and does as you command. Your gaze falls briefly on his hard erection and a shiver comes over you, your butterflies dancing inside you.

"That's much better, isn't it, Daddy?" you see his Adam's apple dangle as he swallows hard and you look into his eyes. You place one leg on each side of his body. Your hands slide from the back of the chair to his shoulders and you claw into them. Still covered with a piece of cloth, you rub your cunt over his hard cock, which presses against it. You moan and he does the same, putting his hands on your waist and squeezing. His eyes close and he puts his head back in his neck, "Do it already."

"Anything my daddy wants," your hand grips the thin fabric and pulls it aside. Drops of your juice hit him, mixing with his precum and you rub it along your slit before gripping his shaft and sliding his thick tip inside you.

Never would you have expected him to be so big. Your walls press tightly against him as he slides inch by inch into you. Your eyebrows draw together because it feels so good. Levi gasps slightly beneath you as you swallow him slowly.

"You're huge," you sigh contentedly as he's fully inside you, and you twitch your walls, his fingers buried deep in the flesh of your waist. His jaw seems tense, but his eyes look at you half-closed. His irises are no longer visible. "God, so fucking huge. We should have done this so much sooner. I think it's tearing me apart," you grin wide and happy as you feel a slight burn.

"If I had known how good you looked doing that, I would have fucked you sooner."

"Yeah, would you have?" you look deep into his eyes as you move upwards, his cock sliding completely out of you and you lower yourself back down onto him, "Do you like the way I ride your cock?" Your movements slowly quicken and you hear the smacking of your cunt as it swallows his cock again and again.

"Do you like the way your thick cock keeps digging deep into me?" He growls out and starts to come towards you. His hips thrust upwards, hitting you hard. As he does, you don't part your gaze for a second and it feels like you can glimpse his soul.

"Do you like the way my cunt milks you?" Levi digs one hand into the fat of your ass, pulling on it and baring his teeth. You dig your nails into his back as he changes the angle and bumps against your G-spot. The sounds of his balls hitting your ass and the mixing of your fluids grow louder. You become incredibly hot and start to sweat.

"Do you like the way I moan your name?" you add a long Levi at the last word and he stares at you like you're a goddess. His goddess.

"Fuck, you're so hot," he murmurs in a dry, heavy voice.

"That you ever thought otherwise hurts my heart." You ram your fingernails deeper into his back and pull at the skin, leaving deep marks.

"I'll never think anything else again," he groans up at you. By now you are no longer riding him. Instead, he holds you in place above him, your feet no longer even touching the ground, and he thrusts into you with a brutality that leaves you breathless. The knot in your stomach gets tighter and tighter and you bite his shoulder to stifle a scream. He fucks you like a madman, pressing his body hard against yours and enjoying the feel of your hard nipples against his chest. He tries to get even deeper, to push against your cervix, but the position is too shitty for that.

"That won't do," he groans, suddenly lifting you up. With his pants at his ankles and you in his arms, he walks back to the table, lays you down on it ungently and buries himself in you again. He grips your legs with his hands, rests them on his shoulders and increases his speed further. He fucks you into the hard wood of the table and puts his head back, moaning your name loudly. He comes so far inside you, you feel pain deep inside you. Such good pain.

"God, your cunt is so tight. I never want to feel anything else ever again." You open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Your breath has long left your lungs and your brain can't make anything up. Your little body is concentrating solely on how his fat cock is being pushed into you, how he is tearing your little hole in two and how incredible this feeling is. Because of this, you just mumble something to yourself, which makes him grin, "Suddenly I guess your mouth isn't so big anymore." Again, you try to say something, but it is in vain. Your head is full of fog and all you can think about is how he should thrust harder, even deeper, which is no longer possible, and how he should take you. You want him to ruin you, for everything and everyone. Every night he should do this to you so that you can never stand or sit again. You just want to be his little plaything.

"Good to know I can shut you up like this." His cock hits your G-spot hard and makes you see stars. You moan loudly and reach for something to claw into, but there's nothing. "Alright, I guess silent isn't quite the right word".

He's fucking you so well and you glare at him as he stares at you and you bite your lip, your breathing becoming more uncontrolled and you nod slightly at him to signal how close you are. He grins and you push your back through as he thrusts into you one last time and you explode, screaming his name and losing your grip on the earth.

That was probably the beginning of your death - and probably that of every other - but who knows for sure. The two of you were quite a force on your own, but as a duo you were invincible. Soon, word got out about what had happened. You could have tried to deny it, but it wasn't difficult to guess, since you were ever the only person allowed to disobey Levi and get away alive. Moreover, your loud moans could be heard throughout the building. Everyone should know that you now belong to each other. Your madness spilled over onto him. You had nothing left to lose - except each other and you swore you would only leave this hell together.

"Listen up, shitheads," Levi turns his attention to the people behind you and you follow his gaze, "we're going to do another round and secure the perimeter before we set up camp here for the night."

"Yes, sir," everyone but you shouts in unison and salutes. You roll your eyes.

Your gaze, on the other hand, averts and you direct it to the trees around you. The birdsong has died down and the wind has receded. The branch beneath you sways slightly again as Armin lands on it and turns to talk to Levi. You ignore them both and continue to look around. No wind, but the leaves sway back and forth. You close your eyes and concentrate. Far in the distance you can hear a river making its way through the ground. There is a faint smell of wet moss and it is all so peaceful. Far away you hear the tapping of a woodpecker looking for its food before it suddenly stops. You tear your eyes open and clutch the handles of your equipment. A moment later you see the bird fluttering overhead with a loud bird song. Your eyes fall on Levi and over Armin's shoulder he looks at you. He raises an eyebrow before your typical grin falls to your lips and his expression slips.

You shoot your hooks, which bore into a tree and you fly away. Behind you, you hear the shouting of others and more gas being consumed as you make your way through the forest. You build up speed and zoom past the many trees. You race in the direction from which you just heard the woodpecker. You hear a stomping sound that gets louder and louder the closer you get to it, before you see two huge figures running past you on your left. You didn't expect two, but that only means one more point on your kill scale. Your hands grip the handles of your 3DMG tighter and adrenaline rushes through your bloodstream. You draw in a deep breath through your nose as you suddenly change direction and race towards them. In the distance, you catch sight of your squad and see Levi racing ahead of them after you. He is stronger than you, but you are faster. He has left the squad behind with ease and does not look happy. His rage-filled face makes you feel like you're on fire and a shiver runs down your spine.

"Sorry," you shout loudly to them as you fly through the air and your hook bores into a titan's shoulder. You hear Levi yell your name, but you ignore him. Unfortunately, this distracts the two titans and they notice you. They stop and look around before spotting Levi.

The smaller titan is just under eight metres tall, the other about two metres taller, both of course abnormal. You whirl around the larger one and draw your swords, placing them against your small body, ready for battle. You hiss at his neck, but while he has not yet set his sights on you, the smaller one turns his attention to you and looks at you with wide eyes. He reaches out his hand to you. You curse loudly and drill your hook into a tree above you to get away from him quickly. It is just enough that when he closes his hand, you are not caught in it. Instead, your sole touches his huge finger and you push off against him in addition to putting more land between him and you. On the other side of the field, you see Levi whirling through the air, attracting the little titan's attention. He puts up his swords ready to fight, but you are quicker, get in his way and cut the titan's neck with a smooth slice. The first titan goes down, begins to steam and you are left with the larger one. As you fly through the air, you drill your hooks into his arm and pull yourself towards him. Just before you get on top of him you change direction and fly towards his shoulder. The titan looks around and tries to spot you again, but you are too fast. The next time your hooks hit a tree in the distance. You fly towards his neck, your swords just setting when your ropes suddenly loosen. The titan has lashed out, ripping them out of the tree. You tear open your eyes, more adrenaline finding its way into your bloodstream, your heart pounding against your chest. For the moment, your course is not altered, so your cut glides through him perfectly and he falls slowly to the ground. But you fall with him. You try to drill your hooks back into a tree, but apparently, he has damaged your equipment, so nothing happens. Panic shoots into your head as you get closer and closer to the ground. You close your eyes and brace yourself for impact before you hit the ground. Your air is ripped from your lungs, your body aches under the contact and the wind flies around your ears. You cling to the body against you and rest your head against its neck. Black tea and lemon. As soon as your feet touch ground, he sets you down and pushes you off him. You stagger back and see the faces of the rest of your comrades, who look at you in horror.

"What was that about, you retard?!" snarls Levi at you, and you see his tense jaw and the deep creases on his forehead, his lips pressed hatefully into a line, as he presses his eyebrows together.

"I don't know what you're upset about. I had the situation under control." You pat the dirt off your clothes, hoping he doesn't see your slightly wobbly legs. You take a deep breath and look up at him. That was more action than you planned. To be honest, the situation got out of hand, but you would never admit that - especially not in front of Levi.

"Under control?! You call that under control! You disobeyed my order!" he yells at the whole forest and you see Krista wince.

"I killed them, what more do you want? If you hadn't come, I would have finished faster."

"He almost killed you!"

"Right, almost," you grin at him and undo the straps of your equipment, letting it fall to the floor. It is no longer of any use and simply means more burden that you would have to carry around with you. You kick it lightly and it rattles. Everyone seems shocked, and Levi clenches his hands into fists. You bite your lower lip, "You were there, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'm not always, maron!"

"Yeah, and I'm good at taking care of myself in those moments," you stride towards him and place your hands on his tense chest, "Daddy."

You wink at him and the others almost skin it at your words. Eren is probably already thinking about running away before Levi takes his anger out on him. You stroke his shirt and he stares at you. His anger is immeasurable, but you can see something else mingling in his gaze and he relaxes slightly.

"You'll pay for that later," he murmurs and you lick your lips.

"I expected nothing less."

[thesunshinebunny]

When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part II)

Series Master list

pairing: canon Eren Jaeger x reader

content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)

summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?

Chapter summary: Coming home is melancholy and cold, and your squadmates ask you to do what you couldn't do for a year: speak up and find out what's going on inside Eren's mind.

Words count: 5.3k

They say that when a loved one leaves this world, the days follow turns gray, colorless; How ironic to think that the day we buried Sasha was gray, there wasn’t a trace of the blue sky or some solar ray that could give us the warmth we were lacking. It was cold, a cold that got into your bones and no matter how many hugs and words of mutual support we gave each other, we couldn’t get the warmth we needed.

My soul had been fragmented the moment Sasha left this world, but seeing my friends cry at her grave and leave bouquets of flowers, it fragmented even more. I wasn’t able to meet Nicolo's eyes, my guilt prevented me. Inside, I wanted this Marleyan to yell at me, to tell me that he hated my presence, that Sasha's death had been my fault, and that I should have given my life if it meant saving her. I wanted with all my being that he would give me a reason to really feel guilty.

On the way back to the island, the others assured me that her death wasn’t my fault, that I did everything possible to keep her alive. But my ineptitude, my grief, my low self-esteem prevented me from seeing things clearly. I just needed… something to hold onto.

And I wasn't getting anything.

I felt how I was slowly sinking into the rabbit hole, without the possibility of clinging to a tree root. I was falling, falling, falling, unable to know when I would hit bottom. But that bottom came fast before I could have predicted, because minutes after Nicolo arrived, Sasha's father arrived too, bouquet of beautiful red flowers in hand.

I broke myself. The two people who longed for Sasha most in their lives were standing in front of me, mourning the loss of her young soul. The two people who would hate me the most in the world, standing over my friends's grave. I fell to my knees in front of them and in front of her grave, silently begging for forgiveness.

My tears fell incessantly on the freshly stirred earth as did my fingers, imploring this burden on my chest to dissipate, as if unconsciously I was wishing for Sasha herself to forgive me for letting her die. How could one cope with this heinous feeling? How could I go on, knowing that the world was falling around us, unable to know if the next day we were going to be alive or if Marley would initiate an attack from which we weren’t going to be able to defend ourselves?

My head was racing a thousand per second and the only thing I could let out were those sobs that had accompanied me so much on the way back, the same ones that cradled me to slept, and the tears that so much wanted to dissipate the pain in my soul.

It is said that when a person leaves this world, some people are unable to handle grief, just as they are unable to articulate a word. Apparently I was one of those people.

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Nights and days passed. Those of us who survived the attack on Marley stayed in commune trying to encourage ourselves to continue fighting. Hange had recommended us to rest, since the psychological damage could cause us several injuries in the future, and as for Eren ... we weren’t very aware of him. The last we heard from our commanders is that he was locked away from all human contact, stipulating that it would be better to keep him locked up for a while and let whatever shit that was going through his head dissipate.

But that was complete bullshit. I knew that, even locking him up, they weren't going to be able to change the thoughts that tormented Eren so much. I knew that, whatever was wandering through his mind, he wasn’t letting him alone and he would never let go. How did I know that? Because I spent a whole year trying to get him to let me enter in that shell he has been forming in recent years. I tried very hard to get him to tell me his plan before he went to Marley, but I got nothing, and I still get nothing.

My gaze was lost in the window. The nights grew colder and colder and I hugged my arms as I watched the sunset. The boys were arguing about something, something that Mikasa didn't seem to find funny at all, but my mind wasn’t connected to reality. I just stared out the window, remembering the old days when we'd sneak out to steal a piece of meat from the supply warehouse with Sasha and Connie.

I remembered the nights when the boys sneaked into the women's hut to keep each other warm in our days as recruits. I remembered how Armin let me practice my medicine methods on him when he got hurt, a practice that was lost when he inherited the power of the Colossal Titan.

I remembered how we would escape at dawn, grab a few horses and ride out to the ocean, taking nice cool baths on the warm moonlit summer nights. Now those moments only remained in that, in memories.

"(Y/N) are you listening?"

My gaze detached from the window, now it was fixed on a Connie who looked just as tired of the world as I did. This dwarf turned giant was just as devastated as I was by losing half of him, and yet he was still able to continue fighting alongside our friends.

"We think you might be the most suitable to go talk to Eren"

Armin's calm voice stripped me of any desire to go back to the old moments. I pulled myself away from the window tiredly and let my body unconsciously guide me to one of the couchs in the middle of the room, next to the blonde. Apparently while I was wandering in my thoughts, the tension in the room had reached a point where it could be cut with a simple wave of the hand.

As I sat down, I was able to take a better look at the room. From what I could analyze, the group had divided into two, those who still trusted Eren and those who did not, each with their reasons, and apparently, I was playing the role of mediator. The responsibility fell on me to move the pieces of the board: to talk to our supposed war partner and beg him to tell us about his plans and the demons in his head, or to dethrone him completely.

"What makes you think I can go talk to him?"

My words came out of my mouth colder and sharper than I would’ve liked, but it was the simple truth. If Eren was willing to push each other away to accomplish his task, what was I going to accomplish after a year without having answers to his thoughts?

"I haven't been able to speak to him openly in a year"

Armin and Mikasa gave me completely stunned looks. Not even their childhood friend had told them that his relationship was falling off a cliff.

"I didn't know, I thought you were fine"

"Well, we are not fine at all Armin"

I knew it wasn't fair for Armin to get all my frustration, he wasn't guilty at all. I looked him in the eye and I could find multiple feelings in those huge blue eyes: sadness, compassion, guilt, overwhelm. I knew he was one of the worst going through it, his childhood friend was no longer entirely reliable; he had carried out acts of sheer violence and had become the enemy he hated the most; Armin had become his worst enemy and his eyes clearly showed it.

And it was those same eyes that begged me to do something, to go and talk, to try to figure out the smallest thing we could use to get out of this mess Eren got us into. They implored me to save his soul brother from his mental prison.

I let out a long breath before getting up off the couch and heading to the door.

"I highly doubt that I will achieve anything, but I will try to talk to him"

I took one last look to the guys in front of me before leaving the room, each one wishing me luck and pleading for my well-being with their eyes, and sinking even further into the rabbit hole, or rather, going straight to ventured into the lion's den.

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The road to the dungeons was long and heavy, but not because of the number of blocks and alleys I had to take, but because of what was waiting for me at the end of the road. Upon coming into contact with the stone walls and their semi-armored doors, the blood on my body ran cold, just as it ran cold when we buried Sasha.

The air below the ground was cold, the smell of mold and dirt entered my nostrils, preventing me from taking a couple of steps without feeling like vomiting. The place really needed a better cleaning, otherwise it would be the epicenter of a huge plague.

At the end of the corridor, where the light was dimmer and let the darkness eat much of the cell, was Eren. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him sitting on his supposed bed, staring directly at the wall, or so it seemed; knowing him he was surely lost in his world. I kept my composure, avoiding giving any trace of my emotional and psychological state.

"Hi"

I got no response, as always.

I had the opportunity to inspect his cell, it was quite untidy and dripping with water, coming from the sink which was covered to the top. Unconsciously I prayed that this water was drinkable or at least that it was not too polluted, since I didn’t have to look completely at the brunette in front of me to know he had put his head in that same water.

"I like your hair, looks very smooth"

"What do you want?"

His voice came out calm but imposing and terrifying at the same time, I would be lying if I said I didn’t startle a bit, but I kept my composure as best as possible to avoid showing the fear in my eyes. Eren may not have noticed, but if he did, he was unfazed.

"The guys think that I can talk to you, but I told them they were completely wrong, I mean...we haven't been able to speak like we used to for a year, maybe more"

My words came out of my mouth like the venom of a snake. I couldn't tell if my intention was to make him feel guilty, or at least feel something, to reflect on my words, but guess what… his eyes didn't even leave the wall behind me.

I crossed my arms and rested my body on one of the bars, hoping to have some intimidating way for the damn bastard to decide to speak. Even though bullying wasn't my thing, I, yes, had a tired face and wasn't there to waste my time, but I had to achieve something, get something, whatever, so I could get out of this damn place.

"You know very well that I'm not going to leave until you say something"

His eyes met mine for a few seconds and then returned to their original position. I knew this was going to be difficult, but I couldn't help my irritation growing from my chest. With every minute that passed, the pain in that area was increasing and a lump in the throat was appearing with each tear that I wanted to avoid shedding.

I'd been through shitty days and had to come alone to the exact place I least wanted to be to talk to the person I least wanted to see.

"I'm used to being on my feet for long hours, I can be here all day, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"

I remained planted in front of the cell, positioning myself with crossed arms right in front of his eyes, preventing them from continuing to look at the miserable wall.

But my bad luck wasn't giving me any sign that I was going to win this fight very soon. Although I was covering his peripheral field, his eyes never deigned to look at me, they simply stayed glued to the front, now seeing my body in front, although in reality, he was seeing without seeing.

My patience was running out and this goddamn silent game had only just begun. I had to find something to work with, something that could flicker him or make him angry… anger would not be the best if I wanted to leave with all the bones intact and my already psychological trauma without further damage; but knowing Eren, anger was his fuel, which made him move and in an action-reaction effect, made everyone move together behind him.

That's it. Everyone. But we weren't all here.

Sasha was dead; Reiner, Berthold and Annie traitors and enemies of Paradis; Ymir disappeared and confirmed dead, being inherited by the new jaw titan; the only one missing from our group was our beloved Queen. The Queen that Eren so decided to care for and protect.

"You know, Historia is about to give birth"

It was mild, but I could feel his body tense. His eyes moved just the same slightly, but in those little acts I knew I had struck a chord. And I was willing to use it, even if it meant destroying my sanity and causing one of Eren's greatest worldly anger.

"Wouldn't it be nice to have a little baby on the squad?" I took a deep breath before launching the second impact of the night, preparing to receive whatever blow came next. "After all, it's your child, right?"

His body moved faster than I could ever achieve and my reflexes weren't sharp enough to pull away in time. His hand grabbed my shirt, drawing me towards the bars and hitting my cheeks on each one, now my face was directly in front of him, my field of vision being just his face and finally, his eyes were focused on mine.

"Don't even think about talking about Historia like that"

If looks could kill, surely I would already be dead on the ground. His grip on my chest was strong, he was even capable of ripping the fabric, but with a push back showed me that it wasn’t strong enough, that everything was a facade. I staggered, almost fell to the ground, but either way, I kept my balance and my expression. I was terrified inside, but I forced myself to keep a stoic look at all time, he was trying to play with me and although I was not entirely sure how much there were just words and how much were an act of anger and violence, I couldn’t dedicate myself to having a hint of doubt.

"Easy, Romeo, I know you're not the daddy...or are you?"

I adjusted my clothes, avoiding his gaze because I knew if I stared into his eyes, I would get a much worse look than the one he gave me a few seconds ago.

"Whatever, you gave me something to work with, Historia knows something and didn't tell us...gee, I wonder why"

I leaned my body against the cold stone. My gaze went everywhere, trying to keep avoiding his eyes and incidentally have a stronger support for my figure.

"The Queen doesn’t have to say anything to anyone"

Ohhh, you little shit.

If that's the game you want to play, then you're going to lose.

Even if his words were absolutely right, we shouldn’t forget that, before she was queen, Historia had been our friend during training and the entire year of accumulated trauma between betrayals and deaths. If we could continue to have conversations with her and were invited to participate in political meetings, then we had every right to be informed of the supposed plan that Eren implanted in our queen's mind.

For a moment I was scared by the physical and emotional state of Historia. Was Eren capable of keeping her threatened? Did he say or do anything to keep her quiet? The questions seemed to have no head or tail, but if Eren was able to grab me the way he did, I can't imagine what he could do to keep someone quiet.

"Yes, you are right, in the same way, trust only the queen before your friends... that’s brave"

I searched the corridor and the cell for something I could use to attract his attention again, if it was necessary for me to use violence against him, I would be willing to do it. My eyes met a chain anchored to the wall, quite a long chain, to tell the truth. And on the other side, reaching almost the middle of the corridor, I could make out a rather dirty cloth.

I glanced at Eren who had sat back down on his bed, head down in his hands, and walked down the hall with one goal in mind. I grabbed the cloth and walked back to the cell, standing in front of the bars. I reached out my hand to the sink and started to clean up what was left of the spilled water.

"It's all soaked, incredible that they keep a cell like this"

Without taking my eyes off the sink, I could hear Eren settling on his bed, perhaps sitting upright. I kept running the dirty cloth over the water, honestly I wasn’t achieving much apart from spreading the now dirty water even more, but I had to continue with the facade of an understandable couple.

"It's a complete mess...were Historia's legs like this when you railed her?"

As before, Eren had quickly stood up, ready to grab my hand that was inside the cell, but I was already better prepared. When I felt his fingers touch my wrist, I turned my hand to anchor it on his arm and draw him towards the bars, having that same arm outside the cell. With half body on the cold metal, my other hand grabbed the missing arm and with all my strength I pulled his limbs towards me, causing his body and head to crash against the bars.

"Do you want to do it the hard way? fine, we'll do it the hard way"

Eren tried to shake off my grip, but the adrenaline rushing through my veins prevented him from loosening even a millimeter. I pushed him and pulled him back to me, stretching his arms even further and hitting his head on the metal.

"What's wrong with you?"

Again, a back and forth motion.

"What is going on in your head?"

Back and forth.

"How much shit can you have in your mind that you are not able to tell your friends?"

Back and forth.

"TELL ME FOR FUCK SAKE!!"

With one last impact, I hit Eren's head and heard the fibers and tendons in his shoulders rip, just as his skin began to stretch and break, revealing the flesh and muscle beneath it. Rivers of blood flowed over his arms, dropping to the floor and turning his skin red.

His head was also bleeding to the side, soaking his torso and rebel hair. A pool of blood formed under our feet. I let go of his arms and then grabbed the chain that was on the wall and chained him. Considering the number of times he hab been chained since his fifteen years, I suppose one more time wouldn't do any harm to his already traumatized mind.

When I saw his hands were secure I dropped to the floor, not caring about the blood that now adorned the cold stone floor. I could feel my ass starting to get soggy and sticky from the substance. I would have to burn this pants when I got out of there.

Both my mind and my breath hitched, enveloping the environment. I tried to calm down and clear my mind to continue this hell of interrogation. I knew I shouldn't have agreed, and now look at what situation I was in.

"You know I can transform and use the power of the warhammer titan to get out of here"

Eren seemed withdrawn from his situation, as if bleeding to death didn't matter in the least. Steam came out of his shoulders, a sign that he was in the process of regeneration and prayed that this process would take a long time to materialize.

“I know…” I tried to calm my voice and breath before speaking again “but if you transform now, you would end up killing me, and killing me means betraying the legion, and betraying them means betraying the people of Paradis… you don 't want that, do you? "

My words may sound sly, but inside I was wanting to run out of there, get under the covers of my bed and sleep until the day of doomsday; I was even wishing to die in that sleep.

"I'm going to stay here until I know once and for all what's going on in your head, because I know that whatever shit is in there… it's killing you."

Now we were both looking into each other's eyes, fighting a battle in silence, seeing who would give up first. We held eye contact for a few long minutes, unable to tell how many. Maybe it was a couple, maybe half an hour or even an hour; whatever the time, I was already getting bored.

"If I had known it would take so long, I would have brought something to read"

"What has you so worried that you can't even tell Hange or the heichou?"

My question came reluctantly out of my mouth, as if my ability to fight was fading. I was already very tired and it seemed like days since I entered the dungeons.

"Noone would be able to understand"

"Oh please! Don't take me for a fool. Do you think that none of them are battling their own inner demons? Do you think that only you can have intrusive thoughts to fight against?"

His comment irritated me to the core. I never found Eren such a selfish person, and to think that a year or so ago he was declaring his unconditional affection to all of his comrades.

What happened in the last year? What changed?

"Each one of them has to face their own internal wars every day"

Before my anger got the best of me, I took a few small breaths, calming myself. I wasn't going to put me on the same level of hatred and misunderstanding as him, even if it meant throwing away all the years we were together.

"Historia surely has to fight against the stress and the multiple responsibilities that being a queen entails, apart from fighting against the offensive comments of the military police"

Maybe the island has been rid of Titans for a long time, but that didn’t take away the fact that shitty people, like those who lived on the Wall Sina, decided to try and continue controlling the poor people who were split the loin so those ungrateful would have a feast every night.

"Connie is struggling every day against losing his other half, his twin"

Connie, Jean, everyone ... EVERYONE! We were fighting and suffering the mourning of Sasha, of our teammates.

"Shit, surely Jean is still struggling with the memory of Marco after so many years"

Yes. No one had forgotten Marco, especially Jean. But we had to learn to keep going on that very day, we couldn't afford to get sentimental and spoil the next missions. From that day on we learned to watch over our dead mates in silence.

"I fight every day against my incompetence"

And now was the time that I could begin to veil my demons once and for all.

Already my body was begging to rest. I had laid my head on the wall and fixed my gaze on the ceiling. I heard the chains move at my side, a sign that Eren was moving, but I didn't have the strength to look him in the face.

"I fight every day against the image of Sasha dying in my hands"

I know that memory is going to haunt me until the day I die.

"I fight every day against the memories of our comrades dying in battle"

I saw countless deaths throughout the year 850, so many that I decided to use my knowledge in medicine to help even to stop a bleeding. I still remember the first suture I made to a mate already lost in battle ... I was so excited, so happy to be of such help.

"I fight every day against the idea of ​​not being enough"

But that exaltation led to thousands of failures. People who had bled internally, who had lost an arm and couldn’t get to cauterize, hundreds who had lost half their stomach or head.

"I fight every day against our enemies on the other side of the sea"

I wasn't going to deny it, learning the pure and exclusive truth of the world, I couldn't help but feel a deep hatred for the Marleyans. I wanted them to pay for the countless deaths and suffering they had caused, I wanted to see them burn, but at the same time I wanted a reasonable explanation.

"I fight the memories of the titans devouring our friends"

Memories of the first day in battle, right at our graduation, when we thought that nothing could happen. How naive we were. And to think that that was just the beginning of a long list of events that would bring us to this moment.

"I fight every day along side with the memories of the team escaping from the base and messing it up to enjoy the summer nights"

Memories of when we would sneak into the palace and take Historia with us, enjoying the air in our faces and running in the valleys of the countryside. Memories of when we ran cows for some strange reason at the beginning of the day.

Memories of when we were racing with the 3D movement gear through the great forests outside the city. Memories of the occasional punch in the face against the bark of a tree for not knowing where we were going.

"I fight every day against the image of the big bright turquoise eyes that I fell in love with"

My gaze fell on those same eyes, but instead of finding the description that I wanted to see so much, I only found grayish green eyes, eyes that had lost all their brilliance.

I found eyes full of tiredness and anger for the world. The brilliance that so characterized Eren had been lost; now I would have to settle for a blank stare.

"I fight every day ... against the memory of our return to the rooms and Levi punishing us for weeks"

My voice was breaking as I remembered the nights when only Eren and I would sneak out to spend quality time alone. Those nights where we would lie down to see the stars or to lose ourselves in each other in some meadow.

I look at my hands, they were shaking. I couldn't help but remember the first night we spent together, back then I was shaking too, but Eren's hands on my cheeks dispelled any doubt or fear that I could ever have. I unconsciously smiled at the fond memory and I think Eren did too, as I heard a little laugh coming from him.

But no matter how much smiles and laughter the memories gave me, I had to go on and face the world that was now in front of me.

"I fight every day ... against the idea of ​​running towards you, towards your arms"

Those arms that one day gave me warmth. Those arms that one day hugged and covered me the moment I found out that a mate had died. Those strong arms that I knew were going to protect me from any harm.

"I fight against the hope that this is all a nightmare, that you are going to cradle me in your arms and tell me that everything is going to be fine, that it was just a bad dream"

My gaze returned to his, now filled with tears. It hurt, the cruel truth hurt a lot.

"I fight against the desire to stay by your side"

Eren's face was dark, he had returned to how he was at the beginning, without any trace of that soft laugh I heard a few seconds ago.

"I fight with my inner voice that tells me that everything will be fine, that in a few years it will not hurt as much as it does now"

Maybe ... maybe I can start over and when all this nefarious war is over I can find peace, once and for all, and enjoy my friends.

"I fight to move on"

...

"I fight every day...against you"

That was it.

I stood up heavily, wiping the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. The blood on the floor was already dry and had left the entire back of my pants stained. I hadn't noticed that the air had been permeated with the iron smell of blood, making my vomiting reflex worse, even though I had avoided it in a good way all this time.

"If you want to free yourself from this cell, go ahead, I'm not going to stop you"

His figure was already fully regenerated and I knew it was a matter of time before he transformed and left this filthy place. Eren might trust what he was doing was the right thing to do, but if he didn’t accept that in the eyes of the world, that in our eyes, his friends, the only family he had left, couldn’t understand his actions, then there wasn’t much to ask from him.

If he wanted to betray us, let him do it.

“Do what you have to do to fulfill your dream, I don't care anymore. But don't expect for me to sit around and wait for you"

"Are you planning to go to the other side of the sea?"

What a stupid and dubious question at the same time. Was I willing to leave my life in Paradis to start over even in the lands of the enemy?

No, not at all. Why I was no traitor.

"No Eren, I am not going to Marley, my family is here...but you are no longer part of it"

Those words hurt, but they needed to be said; that way I could already start to heal.

"Is that all you have to say?"

I couldn't tell if his words were mocking or a sincere question. But yes, it was all I had to say. I couldn't spend another minute in front of someone I didn't even know anymore.

"It's all I can bear"

I took one last look at the prisoner in the cell before turning and continuing down the long corridor of the dungeons.

"Are you leaving so soon? I thought I heard you would stay as long as it takes for me to speak"

As I reached the door, I took a deep breath of the foul smell of the environment. My hand lay on the doorknob and was half open when his words reached my ears. There was no need to shout from a distance, the echo of the stones made it easy for me to hear the smallest whisper of the perpetrator. I opened the door, but not before dedicating my last words.

"Goodbye Jaeger"

And behind me, I closed the door.

[fanmoose12]

the devil you know

Сharacters: Hange Zoe, Levi, Moblit Berner, Zeke Yeagar, Armin Arlert

Genres: Action / Drama

Summary: Can you still miss a person, if everything you knew about them was a lie?

Сhapter 2/?

Chapter 1

Her first visitor was - quite unsurprisingly - Moblit.

He brought food, a change of clothes and even books to her. All of them - Hange couldn't help but note - were picked up to suite her interests.

Then he sat down next to her and proceeded to clean the small cut on her cheek, the one she received during the raid on Liberio, when one of the bullets flew almost too close for her to dodge.

"It's just a scratch," she whispered, still unable to meet his gaze. She did not deserve his kindness. She never did.

"It still might get infected," Moblit murmured, applying a soothing balm on the wound. Gentle, he was always so gentle with her. So patient too. Hange’s eyes started to sting.

"And why do you care?" she asked, staring at the wall in front of her. "Don't you..." she closed her eyes, wincing. Why did she care? He was an enemy, the devil of Paradise, and yet— yet her heart still squeezed painfully and her stomach was in knots. "Don't you hate me?"

Moblit sighed, putting away the med kit. He rose up from his kneeling position and joined her on a small prison bed.

"I tried," he confessed softly. "I tried hating you, so hard and for so long but I just… couldn't. You know when Captain Levi broke the news of your betrayal..." he chuckled quietly, running a hand through his hair. "I started crying. I thought how could you do that, after those years we've spent fighting side by side, how could lie to us like this? But then..."

"Then?" Hange echoed, her voice wavering.

"Then I remembered our first expedition," Moblit smiled. "The one where I almost got eaten. You saved me back there. Nearly got your hand bitten off but you saved me, and that made me realize, you didn't lie, not always anyways. You're an extraordinary person, Hange-san, but I don't think even you can pretend like this all the time. All these nights I carried you to your room after you fell asleep in your office and you murmured 'thanks' against my shirt, all these evenings we and the guys from our squad got drunk at the bars, all these times you made sure to check on me, when I got myself into infirmary, finding the time to do so, despite your crazy schedule... I know all of this wasn't a lie, it couldn’t be.”

He paused for a moment, staring at her with the same devotion he always did, the one that always made Hange’s throat go dry, because she had never deserved it. She – a traitor and a liar – never deserved Moblit’s kindness and affection. But even now, he didn’t seem to understand it.

“I can't hate you, Hange-san,” he murmured softly, “because I know that this betrayal hurt you as much as it did all of us."

He touched her hand, briefly squeezing it, and when Hange looked up, surprised that her vision is clouded, Moblit wiped off her unshed tears and gave her another kind smile.

"I'll come back in the evening. Please tell me if you need anything else. I can go to your room..."

"My room?" Hange startled. "You haven't cleared it out yet?"

Haven't they destroyed everything there - burned all of her papers and smashed all of her samples? Why not?

"Captain Levi forbade us from doing so," Moblit replied, and that seemingly simple revelation had Hange’s heart beating madly. Her shocked expression didn’t go unnoticed by Moblit. He chuckled heartily, muttering something to himself.

"Good day, Hange-san," he said at last, leaving her to deal with the bewildering news on her own.

***

Armin came to her next.

For the longest time, he just sat there, fiddling with something small, enclosed in his hands and out of her sight.

Hange ignored him, pretending to read one of Moblit's books and watching him from the corner of her eyes, waiting for Armin to speak up.

Was it his method of manipulation? If so, it wasn't working.

But as the silence stretched on, becoming tenser with each second, Hange struggled not to squirm in her seat. What was the meaning of this? What was he waiting for? And then, when she was ready to speak up and ask what the fuck he wanted with her, Armin finally looked up.

He rose to his feet and hid the mysterious object inside his jacket before Hange could see what it was.

"I'll have tea brought for us,” he announced. “Just wait for a minute."

"It's not like I can go anywhere," Hange muttered, rolling her eyes.

“Just a minute,” Armin repeated with a nervous laugh, and then hurriedly left.

Once the tea was brought, Armin let himself inside the cell.

"There you go," he murmured, handing Hange a white porcelain cup. It was one of the best that the scouts had, Hange knew that this tea set was only used for that rare instances, where they had to hold meetings with the highest members of the brass. And Armin decided to use this set to have a tea party with her? The hospitality was making her uncomfortable. Was that Armin’s intention too?

She accepted the cup, looking at the boy over its rim. "How are Gabi and Falco?"

"Don't worry," Armin smiled. "No harm will come their way. Their cell is not... as luxurious as yours is,” he gestured to the bed, desk and even small bookshelf that stood inside. “But they're in good hands, you can trust me on that."

"Thank you," Hange nodded and drank from the cup. Her eyes opened wide as she tasted the familiar sweet flavor. How did he—

"You should try biscuits too," Armin the pushed the plate closer to her. Hange glanced at them. Just as the tea, those biscuits were her favorite.

"We used to do it a lot, remember?" Armin said, easily deciphering the reason for her surprise. "With Mikasa, Eren and the rest of your squad..."

"I remember," Hange quietly answered. She took another sip, her throat suddenly going too dry.

Was this all a part of his plan? To make her feel as the most disgusting piece of shit in the world? Armin shouldn’t have bothered. She was quite good at it herself.

"Good times, eh?" Armin chuckled, putting a hand under his chin. “Those evening at the barracks… You told us so many things, had us hanging onto your every word. You had enough passion in you to carry on for the whole night, but Captain Levi never let us stay for too long…”

“Is that the reason for your visit?” Hange snapped, interrupting him. Every word from his mouth was making her more and more angry. She didn't need some barely adult to lecture her, trying to make her feel bad. What did he want to achieve with that? Make her realize how awful she is? She knew that already. “Did you come here to reminisce about the good old days? Don’t you have anything better to do, Armin?”

"Sorry," weird, but Armin looked genuinely apologetic. Was he always that good of an actor? Or did he learn the skill of deceit after she left? "It wasn't my intent to stir... some unwanted memories. I didn't come here for this. I actually... wanted to ask a question."

"Ask away," Hange allowed, crossing arms on her chest.

"I've been thinking about this a lot," Armin began, playing with a cup's handle. Looking like that – with his head bowed and his eyes cast down, he reminded Hange of the boy she knew four years ago. She almost believed in his sincerity. “Reiner and Berthold, Annie... they wanted to kill Eren. At the very least, take him away. Why haven't you attempted something like this? You had more than enough opportunities. Why didn't you use them?"

Why didn't she indeed. Deep down, Hange knew an answer to this question. But since she wasn't only a piece of shit, but a coward as well, she wasn’t ready to admit it, even to herself. And she sure as hell wasn’t going to admit to Armin too.

She had an answer for him, though. A reason she fabricated to placate her superiors and give herself at least some peace of mind.

"I've never seen an Attack Titan. Kruger died before I became a part of Titan Research Society. And..." she shrugged, and put on a bright smile, her only mask and best defense. "I wanted to study him so much that I was willing to ignore my duty."

"And thunder spears?" Armin asked. "Without them, we would have lost at Shiganshina. Why did you create them?"

"Same reason," she took a biscuit in her hands, biting into it. Her lie was so good, she herself started believing in it. "I was too fascinated by your technology. Couldn't pass the opportunity to find out what your natural resources are capable of."

"Ever the scientist?" something very close to admiration shone in Armin's big blue eyes. Hange quickly looked away, not giving her guilt an opportunity to resurface. She’d have time for that later, when left alone. “Thank you for your answer, Hange-san.”

“Is that all you’ve wanted to ask?”

“No,” Armin shook his head. He shifted his eyes back down, staring into his cup. He slowly span the spoon, lost in thought.

“I know it’s unwise,” he stated, tone uncharacteristically firm for a boy Hange once knew. “And I know that others may not… agree with me on this, but I wasn’t supposed to be in this position. Commander Erwin left it to you, you’re his true successor and I…”

Couldn’t be, Hange thought. Was it another one of his games?

“Are you asking for an advice, Armin?”

“I…” he chuckled, nervously ruffling his hair. “I guess I am. It’s just— everyone looks up to me now, thinking I’ve got all the right answers, but I don’t even know what the question is supposed to be. I’m trying to deal with the mess that the attack on Liberio caused, and now everyone is coming after me for putting Eren in jail, and—” Armin rubbed his face, his shoulders sagging. Hange started to feel sorry for the boy, she could only imagine how hard it was to call shots during times like this. “After you… left, I thought I’ve learnt my lesson. I thought I knew that you can’t trust everyone. But Eren isn’t just someone, he’s my best friend.”

I was someone’s best friend too once, Hange almost said. She was someone’s best friend too, and then she betrayed him.

Would he ever be able to forgive me, she wondered.

No, Hange shut that train of thoughts immediately. He wouldn’t. He was too smart to be that kind.

“He’s a family,” Armin solemnly continued, breaking her out of the reverie. “But after what he’s done in Liberio… I can’t even look him in the eyes.”

“He changed,” Hange said, as softly as she could. She contemplated covering Armin’s hand with hers, but she doubted he’d allow it. “People do that sometimes.”

“Yes,” Armin nodded. “I’m… learning to accept that.”

“I know you still care about him. You always will.”

She will always care about him too. God, she was pathetic. A spy and a traitor and she couldn’t do even that properly, forgetting the most important rule of ‘do not get attached’.

“But you can’t trust Eren anymore,” Hange told him.

Talking about trust? Well, wasn’t she a hypocrite. Another one of her many, many flaws.

“I know,” he sadly agreed. “But Eren is not the only one, who worries me. There is also a matter of Zeke Yeager…” Armin reminded.

She smashed the biscuit in her fist. Zeke, the bastard had played them all. And to think she used to admire him… More than just admire him.

“Don’t let Eren and Zeke converse,” she warned grimly. “Under any circumstances. Knowing what Zeke is capable of, and witnessing what Eren is capable of, it would be best if you separate them.”

“Separate them…” Armin mumbled, biting his thumb.

“Get Zeke out of the inner city,” Hange advised. “As far as you can. Perhaps…” she scratched her chin, thinking. “Perhaps, have him hidden in the Forest of Giant Trees.”

“Huh… that’s a very sound idea,” Armin slowly nodded, some tension leaving his body. That bright light returned to his eyes, and Hange relaxed at the sight of it. Seeing some of his worries disappear made her feel just a tiniest bit better about herself. “I can appoint Captain Levi as Zeke’s guardian, he won’t be able to make a single move then.”

“You do that.”

Just at the mention of him, all of her good mood had disappeared. It was a good thing that Armin decided to get him out of the city too. Perhaps, her heart wouldn’t get completely shattered then.

“Thank you so much,” Armin finally smiled, looking up at Hange.

With his puffy cheeks and big, bright eyes, he looked young, she couldn’t help but note. He was still just a boy. And already he had a burden on his shoulders Hange wasn’t sure she herself would be able to carry.

“I know it may not mean much to you, but you’re doing good, Armin. He—” Hange paused, clearing her throat. She still couldn’t say hisname. Commander Erwin Smith was an enemy, a biggest threat to their mission. But at the same time… he was a man she followed for five years of her life. He was a man she admired like no other. Erwin Smith was a friend.

And she missed him terribly.

“He would have been proud of you,” she finished hoarsely.

“Hange-san,” Armin rose, laying a hand on her shoulder. “I didn’t know Commander Erwin as much as you did, but I think… I think he would have forgiven you. If that’s any consolation, I already did.”

Fuck. Hange turned her face away, hiding her eyes. Starting with memories of their time years ago, bringing up Erwin, forgiving her… Was Armin so determined to make her cry?

“Thank you for your time,” Armin said at last, leaving the cell.

As soon as the door closed after him, she left the tears flow.

***

Then came Sasha. Naturally, with Connie in tow.

With wide eyes Hange stared at the variety of meals the pair brought inside her cell.

"Um..." she gawked at it, feeling utterly lost. "What is this?"

"It's food!" Sasha beamed.

"Yeah, I can see that but... What's the occasion?"

"I just thought they don't feed you in here," Sasha answered, skeptically looking Hange over. "It doesn't look like they do. You seem thinner than before."

The sight of Sasha with hands on her hips and her lips pressed together in displeasure made Hange feel inexplicably warm. She desperately tried to fight off a smile, but in Sasha's presence it proved to be an almost impossible feat.

Ah, well, she was always her favorite...

"Moblit takes care of my meals actually."

He came to her every morning and evening, bringing warm food and engaging conversations. His quiet, soft voice was the only respite from the demons in her head.

"Pfft," Sasha rolled her eyes. "And you're calling that food? This is food!" she gestured at the plates they’ve carried inside. "Just try it, Hange-san, it's delicious!"

"It's from Niccolo!" Connie said, grinning just as brightly. "He's a real master."

"And our friend!" Sasha added.

“Something more than a friend for Sasha," Connie corrected.

Red hue instantly appeared on Sasha's cheeks, and Hange couldn't resist anymore - she snickered in her palm.

"Let's eat before it gets cold," Sasha muttered, avoiding everyone's eyes.

As she busied herself with serving the table, Hange exchanged a look with Connie. The boy winked. Hange hid a smile.

As they ate, Sasha and Connie entertained Hange with stories of their everyday life. They told her about the time they pulled a prank on Jean and almost made him believe he grew ten inches taller overnight and spoke of an arm wrestling match between Mikasa and Levi that Levi, to his immense shame, had lost.

They talked so animatedly, described everything with such vivid details that Hange felt like she actually had been present when all of it had happened.

Truthfully, she desperately wanted to.

"Thanks for the meal, guys," breathing heavily, Hange sat back in a chair. She turned her face away, unable to even stare at the food. Sasha was right, the food Moblit brought her - as good as it was - didn't compare to Niccolo's. As a result, she was completely stuffed. "It was delicious."

"And talking with you had been fun," Connie said.

"It's good to see you again," Sasha admitted with a kind smile that warmed Hange’s heart.

Sasha and Connie managed to make feel better than she had been in days since Liberio. Truth be told, they made her feel better than she had been since leaving the island all these years ago.

The kids rose from their seats, moving in perfect sync.

Just like twins, Hange thought with another smile.

They moved around the table, picking up the plates.

"You go, Sasha," Connie spoke as soon as they finished. "I'll catch up with you."

"Eh?" Sasha frowned. "What do you—"

"Go," he gave her a push, still refusing to meet her gaze. "I need a moment with Hange-san."

"And why must you throw me away..." Sasha complained , shaking her head. She gave Connie another look, filled with suspicion, huffed in annoyance and then walked out of the dungeons, leaving them alone.

Connie waited until the sound of a large metal door closing was heard and then looked up at Hange.

"Hange-san," the boy seemed a bit nervous. Hange wondered about the reason for a sudden change in his demeanor. She wanted to ask, but Connie suddenly appeared beside her. Without giving her time to react, he wrapped his arms around her. Hange stood still, not knowing how to react. "Thank you for saving Sasha,” he whispered. “I don't know what I would have done without her."

Oh god, again? Were those kids going to make her cry again? She had to resist it. She was a Marleyan soldier, one of the strongest and toughest they had. She could do it.

But then Connie had the gall to press his forehead to her shoulder, sniffling quietly, and Hange felt her resolve shutter.

She quickly wiped at her eyes. "I'm glad I managed to get there in time,” she said, more honest that she had been in a long time. “This world would have lost a lot of light if Sasha was gone."

"My world would be completely dark," Connie agreed, letting go of her. He took a step back, looking at Hange with a wistful smile that reminded her that he wasn’t the same naive boy anymore. None of them were. "Thank you again. I meant it when I say it’s good to have you back. We’ve all missed you terribly, Hange-san.”

Thankfully, he left before her face became covered in tears once again.

***

Jean came to her too. Many times, actually. He paced around the cell, he touched the bars, pulled on them.

But he never entered.

He tried to be sneaky about it too, coming down to the dungeons well after midnight. But his steps were too heavy, and Hange was a spy, and before that – a soldier. She was trained to be a light sleeper practically since birth.

However, she said nothing. Giving him the time he needed was the least she could do. Besides, she knew Jean. The boy was not a coward, she knew he’d certainly come around.

And on the fourth day since the Raid on Liberio, he finally did.

He marched inside her cell, looking like a man going to war.

"Why did you do it?" he slammed his hands on the table, right under Hange's nose.

She slowly looked up from a book she was reading. "You have to be more specific, Jean. I did a lot of things."

"Sasha!" he said with barely conceived rage. "Why did you save her?"

Hange put the book down and crossed her legs at the ankles. She looked at Jean carefully, raising an eyebrow. "You didn't want me to?"

"That's not it!" Jean growled. He shook his head and then continued in a much calmer voice. "You know that's not what I meant.”

Plopping down on a chair next to Hange, he hid his face in his hands and took a deep breath. "I just don't understand it..." he muttered. "We probably wouldn't have hurt those kids even if they did harm Sasha. So why did you do it? Why did you save her?"

Hange sighed. The answer was fairly simple. But everything it entailed – not so much.

"I didn't want her to die."

Jeans studied her pensively. "Isn't that what every Marleyan wishes for? To kill as much Eldians as they can? They sent you here with the same reason, no?"

Hange gave him a sharp look. "No. My mission was to survey and investigate. I wasn't ordered to harm or kill you."

Truth was - she probably wouldn't be able to, even if ordered.

Getting too soft, Zoe, a voice that resembled Zeke's sneered in her head. Hange ignored it, swatting it away like an irritating fly.

"God, you really are making this so hard for me," Jean mumbled, shaking his head.

"What exactly?"

"Hating you," Jean replied. "I spent four years hating you. You and Berthold and Annie and Reiner... I despised them for betraying us, for lying and pretending, but you... Your betrayal shook me to the core. I thought I was ready for it, you know?" he looked at her, staring right into her eyes and showing her all of his raw emotions. Hange hated herself just a little more for causing him so much distress. "I thought that after Reiner and Berthold, nothing can hurt me. But I trusted you so much. I respected and admired you. Between unwavering Commander Erwin and aloof Captain Levi, I thought you're the only one who gives a damn about us."

Hange stared back at him, not knowing what to say. Tell him that he wasn't wrong? That, despite everything - her orders, her beliefs and upbringing - she still cared? A lot of good her care did.

“I looked up to you, you know?" Jean continued, gazing up at the ceiling with a bitter smile. "Thought you're a real badass. Well, you still are, for what it's worth. Managed to fool us all, I couldn't believe it, when Captain told us that you left. No one could. Commander Erwin even wanted to call off the expedition to Shiganshina."

Erwin wanted to call off the expedition? The stoic, cold-blooded Erwin? She had trouble believing it was true.

And her heart was having trouble shouldering all that pain. She really was a piece of shit, wasn’t she? She played with their feelings, betrayed those, who actually cared about her, and for what? For a nation whose only motivation was greed, for a war that was justified solely by prejudices?

“He didn’t name another successor, by the way,” Jean revealed. “Technically, we still don’t have a Commander. I guess no one could fill those shoes, except you.”

“Please,” Hange scoffed. “I would have done a terrible job.”

“You’re selling yourself too short,” Jean protested, shaking his head. “Commander Erwin himself believed in you. That's gotta count for something."

"Erwin didn't know me."

It was Jean's turn to scoff. "Are we talking about the same Erwin Smith? The myth, the legend?" he rolled his eyes. "He may not know everything, but he knew you. Enough to entrust his legacy to you. You're not as bad as I was making you out to be, Hange-san. Actually," Jean tilted his head, his eyes softening. "You're not as bad as you think you are."

Hange turned her face away, hiding from his intent gaze. Jean’s words stroke a chord she didn’t she think she still possessed. So pathetic. After all these years, and she still yearned for acceptance.

"You never did any harm to us,” Jean went on. “Never hurt us, at least not physically. You helped us a lot actually. Your research and inventions… Have you realized what you were doing? I think some part of you certainly has."

"Besides, after all that shit that's been going on, we can't exactly be called good guys either,” he sighed, pushing the hair back from his face. “Maybe, you and I have more in common that I'd like to think.”

Again, Hange was at a loss for words. Should she thank him for making her feel better? No, she was already pitiful enough.

"Just something to think about," Jean finished, getting to his feet.

He fixed his uniform, brushing the invisible dust from his shoulders. Hange stole a glance at him, marveling at how much he had changed. If she had been his commander, she’d be so proud of him. He had grown into a smart, kind man. Perhaps, a little too kind, she thought, recalling their conversation.

"I've never thought I'd say this," just before leaving, Jean turned to Hange, his hand gripping the bar of her cell. "But I'm glad our paths have crossed again. It looks like there are still lots of things I can learn from you."

***

At last, Levi came.

Hange didn't hear him enter the dungeons. She was in the middle of reading a book when she got a strange, prickling feeling. She looked up, almost jumping as she instantly met Levi's grey eyes. They seemed especially cold this time. Have they always been like this? She was sure they weren’t. At least, not when they were directed at her.

As their gazes connected, he said nothing. He continued to watch her, and the weight of his gaze was so heavy, she felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Erwin is dead," he finally said. Impossible, but his eyes became even colder. "Killed at Shiganshina. Did you know that?"

"I read the report."

She wasn't present at the battle, Zeke had advised against that.

"It's too dangerous for you, Professor," he had said. "Attack Titan, Ackermans and those scouts, it would be best if you sit this one out. It'd be a shame if we lost a mind as brilliant as yours. Besides," his lips curled into smirk then, a knowing glint appearing in his eyes. To this day, Hange wasn't sure if he had been joking or not. "You lived with them for so long, your feelings are compromised. I'm sure you're filled with desire to kill them all."

Funny thing, Hange thought back then. Because if she had been thrusted into that battle - she wasn't sure she'd be able to fight for the side she was supposed to.

"In a report?" Levi sneered. "Your buddy Zeke must have bragged to hell and back about it."

Levi's words, even filled with so much distain and mockery, weren't that far from the truth. The voyage back to Marley had not been a happy affair. They almost lost Zeke, they almost lost Reiner, they've lost Berthold. Sweet, timid Berthold, Hange liked him so much. After Pieck's titan, his colossal was the most intriguing test subject. Soft and caring Bertold died, and she could only imagine how hard it was for Reiner. The poor boy didn’t speak throughout the whole journey back home.

“After being away for so long, you’d think he’d be happy that the mission is finally over,” Pieck noted, whispering her observations in Hange’s ear. “But then again,” she turned to her, her sharp eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “You don’t look so excited either.”

Hange paid her no mind then, even if Pieck had suspected something, what of it? She was going home, and those Eldians – those people she lived with for five years – didn’t matter anymore. But Reiner did, and Hange watched him, intently, wondering what she could do to make him feel better. She wanted to comfort him, she even approached him and words "I know how it feels" almost slipped down her tongue. But she stopped herself at the very last moment. I know how it feels. Did she really?

She lost people before - a tall blonde man with a goofy smile who gave the best hugs, a blond woman with the most infectious laughter, the adorable petite girl who always looked at her with stars in her eyes, a cheerful young man in glasses who copied most of her gimmicks, the serious brunette who followed her every command - with every loss a part of her soul died, but could she really call them friends? They did not know her, and if they did, they would have never accepted her.

He wouldn’t have accepted you too, a malicious voice whispered in her ear.

The proof of that statement was staring her down at the very same moment.

Unable to escape Levi’s seething gaze, Hange remembered what Zeke had told her then, when she regrouped with them at Shiganshina.

“You did not mention those scouts are that crazy. To sacrifice so many people just for a chance of victory?” Zeke had scoffed, cleaning his glasses. “I just can’t understand it.”

You never will, Hange thought back then. Those brave, young soldiers. Her heart bled for them.

“And that Ackerman,” he continued. “To think they call me a beast titan. I thought I was done for. All that rage and blind hatred and all of it because of some Commander.”

��Erwin Smith.”

“What?”

“His name was Erwin Smith,” Hange repeated, her voice brimming with emotion. She blinked away tears. She would not cry, not right now. Not when Zeke was looking at her so closely. “And he wasn’t just some Commander.”

She left Zeke’s side quickly afterwards, afraid that she’d be unable to hold back her own rage. Some Commander? Erwin was much more than that. Even as Marleyan, she was able to understand that.

“Did you know about Mike too?” Levi asked, pushing himself off the wall he was leaning against. “And about Nanaba?”

She did, of course, she did. Zeke had sent her the letter, retelling everything he did to Mike in horrid, morbid details. Reading that letter, Hange struggled not to throw up. She could almost hear his screams, could almost see the horror in his eyes.

To not be simply eaten by a titan, but getting torn apart by them? Hange couldn’t imagine a fate more horrible.

The terror of it all didn’t leave her for the longest time. It was only in his arms – in Levi’s strong, gentle arms – that she managed to find some respite. She hated herself for it, but when he wiped her tears with his lips, whispering soft, soothing words in her ear, she could almost pretend to forget.

“And about Ragako?”

Amidst her inner turmoil, Hange missed the moment when Levi entered the cell. Now he was standing right beside her, looming over with dark, angry expression.

“Did you know about those people? About what was going to happen to them?” Levi wasn’t an expressive man, but his eyes showed it all. In a life where she pretended to be a mad scientist and a survey corps’ squad leader, she prided herself at being one of the few, who could read those eyes. But she could see nothing inside them right now. Levi’s face was completely blank, his emotions closed off. “Did you know what was going to happen to Connie’s mother?”

That was it, the final nail in her coffin.

And to think that just the other day, the boy was thanking her. Her, who condemned his mother, who destroyed his home.

Hange closed her eyes, taking a deep, shaky breath. She gripped the chair under her tightly, quelling the trembling. She would not break, not in front of him.

“What do you want, Levi?” she glanced at him beneath her hair. “What do you wish to hear? That I reveled in every death? That I sneaked out to the island to dance at Erwin’s grave?”

Levi pressed his lips in a line, a deep scowl forming on his forehead.

It was the same expression he had when looking at Zeke, Hange realized.

She thought her heart couldn’t break anymore. Apparently, he was wrong.

“I’m just wondering,” he said. “If there was ever anything sincere in you. Have you even felt something? After all these deaths, do you at least feel guilty?”

“If that’s what you think of me?” she looked him in the eyes, surprised to see something coming alive inside them. “If I’m a monster you think I am, what was the point of bringing me here? Why haven’t you just killed me? Surely that would have given you some peace of mind.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Levi surged forward, grabbing her by the collar. His grey eyes bore in hers with intensity that she had rarely seen. Inside them was an emotion she couldn’t quite decipher. “Shut your stupid mouth, four-eyes. Do you really not get it? After everything you put me through, after all these fucking lies, I’d still rather die than harm you.”

He pushed her away, turning on his heels and storming out of the cell. To the sound of his quick, heavy steps, Hange slowly slid to the ground. Her knees gave under her, as she realized – it was not anger that she had seen in Levi’s eyes.

It was pain.

“Fuck,” she murmured, hiding her face in her hands.

[asterroidd]

peach fuzz, he can’t even grow it

↬  Pairing: Levi Ackerman x Reader

↬  Word count: 2.3k

↬  Synopsis: Four words. Levi with facial hair.

    Cream white clouds floated above as the wind breeze gently pushed them. Trees were in full blossom and flowers were pushing through the earth. The market was lively, with merchants continuously and incessantly shouting in attempts to advertise their goods whilst the townspeople roamed around, perhaps window shopping. A group of children were playing tag, which caused a disturbance as they ran around bumping into other people. As always, some soldiers from the Military Police would huddle together—slumped on top of crates—as they talked and drank booze all day. How you wish you could spend your days lounging around without a care in the world. Alas, since you are a part of the Survey Corps, that dream would never come true.

    “(____). . .” your partner started, pulling you out of your thoughts. You hummed in response, eyes momentarily gazing at the male walking beside you. It was none other but the ever so stoic captain, Levi Ackerman, your loving boyfriend for five months. His raven hair locks swayed ever so slightly with each step he took. He looked soft, if it wasn’t for his cold silver eyes glaring at every male who dared to look at you longer than he would’ve like

    “What is it, captain?” you teased, fully aware that it irked him when you call him by his title and not by his name. A smirk donned on your face as you heard him click his tongue.

    “Let’s pass by the Bill’s tea shop. I heard they were giving out discounts,” Levi uttered, choosing to ignore your teasing rather than chewing you out for it.

    “Sure, why not? We are kind of low on tea leaves anyway,” you responded. Earlier that day, Levi invited you to go with him for a stroll around the market place. It was his own way of asking you out on a date. After countless restless weeks full of paperwork and meetings, Levi thought that a walk on the town would ease both of you and take your mind off of work for once and focus on him.  

    Levi looked at you from his peripherals ever so often, making sure that your dumbass wouldn’t get lost in the middle of the crowd. He took note of the way your eyes shone as your intertwined your hands with his. You would hum a tune ever so often, and the skip to your step signifies that you are in a joyous mood. Who wouldn’t? After all, you get to have some alone time with the captain.

    The door creaked open as both of you walked inside the small shop. “Ah! Captain Levi!” Bill cheered as soon as he saw the male. Levi gave him a short nod in acknowledgement.

    “I figured that you would soon visit my shop. So I saved some black tea leaves,” the shop owner informed, his excitement evident. Which is to be expected. Despite Levi’s cold demeanor and harsh rumors, people can’t help but be amazed and idolize the so called “Humanity’s strongest soldier”.

    You detached your hand from Levi’s as you wandered aimlessly around the store, admiring the jars full of tea leaves that adorned the shelves of the shop. Your boyfriend eyed you for a moment before striking a conversation with the shop owner, eager to get the discount he heard.

    Levi hummed in delight as Bill twisted the cap of the metal container. The delightful scent of black tea flooded his nostrils. One of the perks of being captain that Levi found himself relishing in is the increased pay grade. In certain occasions (such as this), he likes to spend more than his monthly expenses to treat himself.

    “How much?”

    “Since you are a regular customer of mine, I would give you a thirty percent discount,” the shop owner replied. With that said, the male fished inside his satchel in hopes to find the sack full of coins.

    “Captain Levi. . .” Bill trailed off as Levi counted the coins, making sure that he pays the exact amount. He hummed in response, eyes focused.

    “It really amazes me how despite your old age, you still look rather youthful,” the shop owner commented. Levi snapped his eyes towards the male almost immediately, brows furrowing in a deep scowl. What does he mean by that?

    Unfazed, the shop owner continued. “Why don’t you try and grow a beard? Ladies love men with beards, if I do say so myself.”

    With that, Levi glanced at you examining the shelves. A thought crosses his mind. Would it really attract you more if he had facial hair? Levi knew that you weren’t shallow and superficial when it comes to physical features. He was aware that you would love him no matter how he looked. Despite that, he can’t help but recall one instance wherein you complimented Mike. Informing the blond that his moustache really suited him.

    Or that one time when you playfully rubbed your palms against Erwin’s stubble. Giggling at the friction that tickled you. Levi pressed his lips to a thin line as he placed the money on the counter. He said nothing as he twisted the cap close and grabbed the metal container.

    “(____). Let’s go,” he called. Your ears perked up at Levi’s voice, then you skipped your way towards the male. His heart softened at the sight of your cheery face. Levi found himself leaning in to kiss you, but then was quickly reminded that both of you were in a public space. He cleared his throat, facing away from you and heading towards the door.

    “Come back again, Captain!” Bill exclaimed a little too lively. You bid farewell to the shop owner before jogging up to Levi, who was already outside.

    “Sheesh. You could’ve said goodbye. He really admired you, you know?” you playfully nudged Levi to the side. He clicked his tongue but made no response to your comment. Levi’s mind run wild with thoughts as he continuously darted his attention from you and the road. Would you really like it if he changed up his looks? Impatience biting at him, the male finally decided to ask you.

    “(____),” Levi started in which you hummed in response. “Beards. Do you like them. . .?”

    You staggered behind, caught surprise by his question. “Come again?”

    Levi clicked his tongue, increasing in pace as he walked ahead of you. His cheeks burned in heat and the tips of his ears turned bright red. He can’t believe that he would be insecure in such a miniscule detail. Nonetheless, maybe he could try it out to see your reaction.

    Over the next few days, you took note of the stubble adorned the features of your beloved boyfriend, which perplexed you. Levi was known to shave weekly, stating that he likes to keep himself looking clean. The male made sure that no stray hair would be seen growing on his face. Yet there he was sitting in front of his desk, patches of hair evident on his upper lips and chin.

    Levi sat quietly whilst reading the paperwork before him, taking a sip from his cup of tea ever so often. You eyed him cautiously, taking your eyes off of the book you hold. The deafening silence irritated you. You wanted to ask him about the change in his looks, but decided to go against it. Suppose he was just too busy doing paperwork and training the cadets that he had little to no time in shaving his face. Yeah, it was just the lack of time. Maybe he would shave it later.

    But hours, turned into days. And days turned into weeks. Still, Levi did not shaved. By now, you are convinced that your boyfriend is trying to grow a full beard. With weak attempts, mind you. Seeing as there are patches on his skin wherein there were no facial hair on sight. Suppose it was his own feeble attempts in styling, but given that he had no experience in it. Levi’s facial hair looked wonky and unkempt, much to your amusement as well as Hange’s.

    Hange snorted from beside you, stretching her legs as both of you watched the man barking orders at the cadets. “Looks like shorty is trying on a new style.”

    You pursed your lips and hugged your knees close to your chest. “I don’t know what has gotten into that mind of his.”

    The brunette tore her gaze of the captain to look at you. “Kinda suits him, don’t you think?” she nudged you lightly.

    “Only if he knows to style it well! Look at his face!”

    Your comment made Hange roared with laughter, her hand slapping her knee as she tried to calm down. Snickering alongside the brunette, you can’t help but join her seeing as her laughter was contagious.

    Levi furrowed his eyebrows in a deep scowl as yours and Hange’s boisterous cackle reached his ears. He tore his gaze off the cadets for a moment, to shoot both of you an ice cold glare. Much to his dismay, the two of you were too caught up with laughing to notice him. Levi shook his face, folding his arms across his chest as he chose to ignore the noise.

    Little did he know, you would pester him about it later.

    By the time nightfall came, the mess hall was rowdy. Eren and Jean, as per usual, were bickering and borderline ready to start a full blown fight if it weren’t for Mikasa coaxing Eren to stop. Sasha, as expected, gulped down her food in an instant, and is now stealing other’s rations. Seems like it was now a daily routine in the mess hall.

    You munched down your bread, Hanji by your side. The brunette chatting away with Erwin, who sat across the table from her. They were mostly talking about the failed expedition last time, and were now brainstorming on what they could do to improve the formation. Occasionally, you would utter suggestions here and there, in which Erwin nodded in acknowledgement.

    Strangely enough, you don’t see Levi anywhere, which worried you. That means that the male is caging himself inside his office once again. Possibly going over the mountain of paperwork which opted him to skip meals. You sighed as you stood up, an action that caught both of your friends’ attention.

    “I’m going to fetch Levi in his office,” you informed, leaving the mess hall without waiting for their reply. Luckily, his office was close by. Just a couple of halls down, a sharp turn to the right, and the second door to the left. You had practically memorized the way to his room, after a myriad of times dragging Levi out to eat.

    You made no attempt to knock at the door, given that the male gave you permission a long time ago to come inside his office anytime you want. You sucked in a breath, ready to scold Levi about skipping meals. But was cut short when his empty chair greeted you.

    You blinked, slightly tilting your head to the left in confusion. If Levi wasn’t here, where was he?

    As if on cue, you heard noises coming out of his private bathroom. As silently as you could, you tip-toed towards the door and leaned your ear towards it. You heard him muttering a string of curses followed by the sound of metal clashing with porcelain. Slowly, you pushed the door open.

    There stood Levi in all of his glory, angrily glaring at the mirror before him as he attempt to style his facial hair for the umpteenth time. You suppressed a snort, but failed miserably.

    Levi’s eyes instantly darted towards yours, his cheeks heating up in embarrassment since he was caught in the act. “What?”

    “What do you mean what? What are you doing?” you leaned your weight on the wall, a smug look on your face.

    If looks could kill, you would probably be dead by now given by the way Levi looks at you menacingly. You took note of the way the tips of his ears turned beet red.

    “Are you trying to grow a beard?” you sauntered towards him. Levi sighed through his nose, hands ruffling his raven hair.

    “Thought you might like it,” he weakly muttered. Seeing Levi in such a weak state was rare. Considering that he would never show such demeanor when with others, but since you are his beloved, he was comfortable enough around your presence that he could relax.

    “Awwee, babe!” you threw your arms around his neck, making sure to pepper his cheeks with kisses. Levi’s arms found its way around your waist, grip tightening as he buried his face in your neck. A chuckle emanated from you as you had finally understood his actions. As if reading his mind, you eased his worries that plagued the back of his mind for weeks.

    “You don’t have to grow a beard. You’re already manly and intimidating enough.”

    Levi scoffed, pulling back to press a kiss to your temples.

    “Besides. . .” you trailed off, cupping both of his cheeks. Your thumb rubbing against his facial hair. “You’re already handsome.”

    Levi was taken aback when you rubbed your cheeks against his, relishing the rough friction that his facial hair gives. Your comment, however, made his cheeks flush a deeper red.

    “What are you doing?” he said through squeezed cheeks.

    “I like the feeling of stubbles, hehe. It tickles.”

    After a couple of seconds, you stopped with your actions, finally staring deep into his eyes. “Want to know a secret, Levi?”

    He hummed, leaning his forehead against yours, capturing your lips in a sweet but short kiss.

     “Do you know that facial hairs are known to have traces of bacteria that are found commonly in feces? Hange told me earlier.” you joked. Levi froze, then went silent. You watched in amusement as the color drained from his face, slowly digesting your words.

    Suffice to say, Levi shaved the next day, vowing that he would never attempt to grow a beard again.  

[windless-hurricane]

Sparks

Chapter Three: The Beauty of a Devil

A Reiner x Reader x (Eventual) Jean Fanfic

• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •

SUMMARY: After the fall of Shiganshina, you joined the military along with your brother. You had hoped to bring peace to the world by doing so, but the world was a cruel place. You seemed to lose more than you gained, but there was always someone - someone who made losing just a bit…easier. You hoped you could keep them forever, but was there ever a guarantee in this world?

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Hi, all! I know it’s been awhile since I’ve posted anything, but I’m back to finish this series. I want to catch up to where the anime left off. Therefore, as an apology for taking awhile, I’m posting two new chapters today (chapter four will be posted an hour or so after this one)!

WARNINGS (for entire series): Language, explicit violence, talks of death, suicide, trauma, and mental illness, graphic scenes involving blood and/or death, and sexuality.

WORD COUNT: 2.1k

TAGLIST: @lovethemilkteasis @grayxblaze @theyoungblood13 @flowersgirl02 @noodlenerd101 @hanabihwa @drowned-pathetic-rat @bestgirlb @bleepop @miinnttyy @1-800-thanos @lovelime

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• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •

• ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ •

“I need your help, (Y/N),” Eren proclaimed as he slammed his hand down on the table, causing you to look at him instead of your soup.

If you hadn’t known Eren prior to this, you would’ve been startled by his actions, but you practically grew up with him. You were both from Shiganshina and while you were good friends, you weren’t as close as he, Mikasa, and Armin were. You were closest to your brother.

“With what,” you questioned, your spoon hanging from your mouth.

“Learning the maneuver gear,” he explained, an eager look in his eyes.

“Well, haven’t you asked Mikasa? She was really good at it,” you recalled.

“I did, but it still didn’t work,” he sighed. “So, I thought maybe you had some advice, seeing as you were nearly perfect.”

You blushed at his compliment as you crossed your arms over your chest.

“Well,” you breathed. “It’s kind of like a swing.”

“A swing,” he asked confusedly.

“It’s hard to describe…maybe Viktor knows how to say it. Hey, Viktor.”

You nudged your brother’s shoulder with your own, but he didn’t respond. So, you and Eren looked over and were surprised to see him in a deep conversation with Krista as Ymir glared at him from across the table. You both smirked.

“He’s going to die,” you remarked.

“Yeah,” Eren agreed with a chuckle, causing you to sigh.

“Well, I’ll try my best to describe it then. When you look at the seat of the swing, you can see that it is completely balanced. Then, once weight is added onto it, it still manages to stay upright. That’s because it balances the weight throughout itself equally. You have to think of your body as a whole and seek balance within yourself. That’s the best way I can describe it. Does that…sorta make sense?”

He gazed at you with wide eyes, not necessarily mesmerized by what you said, but how you said it.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” he confirmed excitedly and you smiled.

“If you still need help, you can ask some of the guys,” you suggested. “A few of them did well too.”

“Got it, thank you so much, (Y/N)!”

“No problem,” you waved, watching as he made his way back to the table where Mikasa and Armin were sitting.

You noticed Mikasa glaring at you, but you decided to ignore it and focus on your food instead. However, you were only able to get two bites in until someone else came.

“Do you mind if I sit here,” a deep voice asked and you looked up to see a tall, blonde boy with a muscular build standing in front of you. You realized you remembered him from orientation.

“Yeah, go right ahead,” you said, motioning to the seat in front of you. He sat down with a small creak and you gazed at him for a few moments before turning back to your food.

“You’re (Y/N), right,” he questioned once more and you nodded.

“(Y/N) Bauer. I would introduce you to this oaf,” you gestured to Viktor. “But he’s too busy taking his final breaths.” Reiner let out an airy chuckle as your brother was now arguing with Ymir over something ludicrous.

“I’m-“ Reiner started to say, but you cut him off.

“Reiner Braun, I remember you. You’re the ‘save humanity’ guy.”

“Huh?”

“During orientation, when Shadis asked you why you were here, you said ‘to save humanity.’”

“You remember that?” You nodded.

Reiner hadn’t thought you noticed him, let alone even remembered what he said. The surprise made him oddly happy.

“Mmhmm,” you hummed, playing with your food. “The only reason I did was because you looked just as scary as Shadis.”

“What,” Reiner laughed, causing you to smile.

“What do you mean ‘what?’ I mean, look at you. You’re a tall, muscly guy with a sharp face. Intense eyes and a deep voice. Who wouldn’t be scared of that?”

“Not you apparently,” he stated with a smirk. “If I didn’t know any better, (Y/N), I’d say you were flirting with me.”

Your cheeks reddened.

While you did find him extremely attractive, especially when you first laid eyes on him during orientation, you couldn’t let him know that.

You couldn’t let him know that you were taken aback by his strong and unwavering stature, the way the muscle within his jaw flexed with determination, and how his amber eyes burned when Shadis asked him why he was there.

When he answered with “To save humanity,” his voice was deep, but so sure of himself. It permanently caught your attention, but still. He couldn’t know that.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Braun,” you finally countered. “You only interested me because of how overachieving your goal was.”

“Really, how so,” he asked with half lidded eyes. He could tell you were bluffing. You had to save your ass.

“Well, don’t you think saving humanity is quite ambitious? How could one person manage to save millions of people,” you commented.

“Why does one join the military to begin with?” Your eyes widened.

While you were shocked, you were also impressed at his question. You couldn’t help the amused smile that made its way onto your lips.

“A good portion of the kids here are either looking to live comfortably within the inner walls or wanting to earn bragging rights as they slack off in the Garrison Regiment. Why do you think the number of people joining the Scouts every few years is so low? ‘Cause in the end, most people don’t want to leave the walls to fight for humanity. They just want to stay back and watch others do the work.”

“Is that why you joined?” You snorted.

“Course not.”

“Then, why’d you join?”

‘Why did I join,’ you thought to yourself.

Then, it hit you. Their words.

Mommy loves you so much. She loves you. Please just do this last thing for her and hide.

Get my brother and sister out of here! I’ll take care of the Titans! Just go!

I’m sorry, (Y/N).

You clenched your spoon tightly as you gazed into Reiner’s eyes with a newfound intensity gracing your own.

“I joined because-” but you were cut off by a large thud and your brother groaning right after.

You and Reiner looked over to see Ymir pushing his face into the table.

“How’s that for a rude awakening,” she sneered, tearing herself away from him soon after. “C’mon, Krista.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Krista whined, but Ymir had already grabbed her by the arm and led her out of the mess hall.

You sighed.

“What did you even say to them?”

“Don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, holding onto his head.

“Honestly, you’re either great at talking to girls or extremely poor at it. There’s no in between,” you commented as you pulled him up by his hair.

Reiner hissed shortly after and you winced at the sight of his face.

“We’re going to need bandages for that.”

__________________________________________

“What’re we doing out here,” you questioned, following your brother through the dark forest. “Can’t we get in trouble for this?”

“Not if we aren’t caught,” he mused with an almost crazy smile on his face.

“I think Ymir hit you too hard. Are you seeing double right now?”

You glanced at the bandages around his forehead and were becoming genuinely concerned that he had a concussion.

“It’s because of Ymir I’m doing this,” he revealed, chuckling breathlessly. “She’s going to hate it when I prove her wrong.”

“You still didn’t tell me what you told her,” you mentioned.

“I tried comparing Krista to a lotus flower and Ymir’s convinced that no such thing exists.”

“Really? Then, what was the whole rude awakening thing?”

“I just told her she was in for a rude awakening and she did that. The audacity.”

“You’re a real idiot, you know that,” you stated, causing him to gasp offensively.

“What?!”

“So, you’re trying to find a lotus flower to prove her wrong.”

“Yeah.” You came to a stop.

“Wait.”

“What?”

“If I’m remembering what we read as kids correctly, those only exist outside of the walls,” you exclaimed in disbelief.

“I mean, yeah. They’re from Asia, but the Asian clan lived here for some time anyways,” he mumbled to himself.

“Huh? You’re talking too quietly.”

“Oh, well, what I meant to say is that humanity once lived outside of the walls, right? So, they had to have brought some with us!”

You watched your brother in confusion as he turned away, moving forward once again. That was weird, you thought.

As you followed behind him, you heard rustling nearby.

“Do you hear that,” you asked and Viktor shook his head.

“It’s probably just a deer or something.”

“I don’t know…”

The rustling grew louder and you both stopped.

“I don’t know if that’s a deer,” you murmured, grabbing onto his jacket.

Then, the both of you could make out footsteps and started to tremble in panic.

“What if it’s Shadis,” you whispered. “I didn’t plan on bothering him today. I’m not prepared to swim again…or worse. Clean the restroom after Sasha’s used it.”

Viktor nearly gagged at the idea.

“This was your idea, Viktor.”

“Well, you’re the one who decided to follow the kid with the possible concussion out here,” he retorted.

“You, idiot. Let’s just find a hiding spot, but move very quietly.” He nodded as you led him through the trees, tiptoeing carefully. You turned the corner of a tree and unexpectedly bumped into a firm chest.

You didn’t get the chance to see who it was as you and the owner of that chest started screaming.

You fell back into your screeching brother and heard three more masculine yells follow suit.

You opened your eyes and saw Reiner, Bertolt, Eren, and Armin all huddled together, panting with terrified looks on their faces.

“Huh,” you gasped, but they didn’t hear you as your brother was still screaming. “Shut up!” You elbowed him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

“What the hell are you guys doing out here,” you questioned, attempting to recompose yourself.

“We could ask you the same thing,” Reiner countered, clearing his throat.

“Uh…good point. This idiot behind me wanted to find a flower to win a bet against Ymir.”

“Bertolt and I just wanted to show Eren and Armin the lake.”

“That’s a better reason than ours,” you chuckled, finally having calmed down. “I’m just glad you weren’t Shadis.”

“You and me both.”

__________________________________________

“Wow,” you gushed, staring at the moon’s reflection from the water. “It’s like a mirror.”

“I know. Isn’t it insane,” Reiner smiled.

It was. It really was. The moon was big and bright, while the water was still and black. They complimented and contrasted each other all at once. It was like a painting that lit up the night. It was stunning.

“I honestly never pegged you to be a softie, Braun,” you teased with a smirk.

“Well,” he smiled. “I thought Eren could use some inspiration for tomorrow.” And you felt your lips lift into a sweet smile.

You meant it. You didn’t expect Reiner to be so caring or considerate, yet he was and you found yourself liking it a lot.

He was big and strong on the outside, but gentle on the inside.

“Well, Eren. Are you inspired,” you asked softly and he nodded with a big grin, causing you to giggle.

“Ah hah,” Viktor shouted and you sent him a glare.

“Hey, why are you ruining the moment,” you questioned.

“I found it, I actually found it!”

“What?”

He sprinted to you in an instant and your eyes widened once you saw a lotus flower resting in the palms of his hands. It was pink and gentle with mud underneath it. It really was…beautiful and the rest of the boys gathered around to witness its beauty.

“It only blooms in mud,” Viktor stated excitedly and you smiled. It had been so long since you had seen him this way and you didn’t want it to end. You wanted him to continue being happy.

“It’s beautiful,” Reiner commented. “A true beauty.” You all hummed in agreement, listening to Viktor’s rant that followed.

However, Reiner never started listening. He was still too focused on what, or rather who, he had actually been looking at when making that comment.

He was looking at you - admiring the way you shone just as brightly as the moon and thought…

How could a devil be this beautiful?

[babygirlkiki1016]

*Just a little fact, reader is originally from My Hero Academia, just letting y'all know so it makes more sense.*

They were chasing us and had no intention of stopping. We finally got ahold of Annie and Eren once more, but there was a problem. Titans were not even five feet behind the wagon, and one mess up everyone would be slaughtered. It was already hard enough with the heavy block of ice Annie used to protect herself. I knew what I had to do, I had to distract the Titans so humanity could be saved. A tear slipped down my cheek as I realized what was going to happen, but what did it matter? I was already heartbroken as it is, ever since that day. So what was the point of living anymore?

~~

I knocked on the wooden door, the one that leads to Levi's room.

"Come in." A rough voice spoke, that's probably him, well here goes nothing. Slowly I walked in, already regretting what I was about to say. Hanji told me earlier that week that Levi loved me, and I should tell him how I felt. I didn't believe her at first but I began to see the signs. Or so I thought, the smiles, the compliments, I thought they were all part of his way of telling me that...that he loves me.

"Levi?" I called, making him look up from his side table that he was cleaning. I gave him a small smile, "I wanted to talk to you about something." He stopped, curious of my actions he stepped closer setting down the cleaning supplies in his hand.

"What is it?" I took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

"I-I...We haven't known each other for that long, but Hanji gave me some encouragement the other day. Levi, I'm afraid of what you're going to say...but I love you." His eyes widened as if I had told him some terrible news. He instantly glared at me, like I was the enemy.

"Get out." He growled, I didn't understand, Hanji told me he loved me. Why was he telling me to leave?

"Levi-" I reach out, touching his arm to try and see what was wrong, why he was sending me away but his hand connected with my cheek.

"I said get out!" The pain lingered, when I looked back he had no remorse. He didn't even look at me, tears now falling freely I walk to the door. "If you ever say something that stupid to me again, I won't hesitate to send you out into the front lines."

~~

Well, guess who's on the front lines now? I chuckled, wiping my tears. Ready to die within a second, I look to Mikasa who was watching the titans. This was it, and all I will be remembered for was some silly girl who had dreams. Who had a huge crush on the captain, that I wasn't worth anything. To some people I would be remembered for more than that, a hero maybe. Hesitantly I laid down my journal next to Eren's unconscious hand. Then I stood, unsheathing my blades, that caught Mikasa's attention.

"What are you doing?!" She demanded, I smiled and activated my quirk.

"What every hero does, Mikasa. Sacrifice..." I jumped off the wagon and zipped towards the first titan. My distraction made all of them stop in place, and of course, they reached for me.

"Y/n!" I could hear my friends screaming for me. But isn't this what a hero does? Sacrifice themselves for who they love? As fast as I could I killed one titan using my ability of flight. One down, a lot more to go, then the next one was a little harder. It almost grabbed me, but I dodged, slicing up its arm then finishing it off.

I killed as many as I could, then one grabbed me, I screamed in pain as it crushed my ribs. I won't go down without a fight, I cut off its fingers and kept going, Would I be able to make it home? There was still a lot of them, if I fly off now I might be able to make it back. Would I be able to? I'm injured, and could I even fly that high? As the next one went to grab me, I blinded it with one of my flash grenades. Then I made my escape, everything hurt but I had to keep going. I didn't make it, I didn't get as far as I thought I did. A titan smacked me to the ground, a normal person would've died but not me. I just skidded, I think everything was broken. I watched as Titans closed in around me. This was it, this was the end...Goodbye Levi...

Levi's Pov-

Where was she? Where is she? I searched for her, I saw everyone else. Mikasa, Eren, Connie, and Sasha but no Y/n.

"Oi!" I yelled, marching up to Mikasa who was holding Eren's hand. "Where is she?!" My heart was pounding, did she die? Is she lost? She just looked down, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"She did what a hero does Captain Levi," Connie muttered, he too was crying. "She sacrificed herself so we could get away." She...She couldn't be dead, no she couldn't be!! I looked over to Eren, who was just waking up, then over at Erwin. His arm was missing, but I could care less, I sprinted right for him, punching him in the jaw.

"THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" I sobbed as a few scouts held me back. "IF YOU HAD JUST LISTENED TO ME! IF YOU HAD JUST LET HER STAY! IF YOU JUST-" I couldn't handle it, I ran off and zipped up to the wall. I couldn't handle it, I had to be alone. She was gone, damn it! I should've been there! To protect her!...And most of all, I should have told her I loved her. I fell to my knees and screamed at the top of my lungs.

My throat burned, if Erwin had told her to stay here to help train the other cadets...She would be alive.

"I thought you didn't love her," Hanji said, sitting next to me, legs hanging off of the side. "Why do you care so much about her?"

"I only told her to leave...so I wouldn't get attached. Everyone I've ever loved had died one way another and considering she's from another world...I didn't want to fall for her, cause I knew I would lose her." This surprised her, for the first time in our friendship she put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"She wouldn't want you here grieving ya know. You what she would say if she was here?" I know exactly what she would say, she would sit right across from me and look into my eyes. I wouldn't look up at her, knowing I didn't protect her I would keep my eyes planted on the floor.

'It's ok Levi.' She would tell me. 'I'm in a better place, don't cry for me. You knew this was going to happen. This is what heroes do, they make sacrifices for the people that they love. And that includes you...' I would've scoffed, even ignored her cause who would want to think about their loved one dying?

"Levi, even though she did sacrifice herself. You know she would come back no matter what, just to see the smile on your face one last time."

"Hanji, after the way I treated her...I don't think she would want to come back this time. Who wants to come back to see the man who broke her heart?" The man who couldn't protect her?... The man who she thought didn't love her?

Y/n's Pov-

As the titans reached for me, I braced myself for death when I was blinded by a light. I looked around to see a dead soldier, but three blades, one had been currently used and the other two still new. The blade had reflected the sun's light, maybe I wasn't destined to die after all. I stumbled over, my hand on my bleeding stomach. Quickly I changed out my blades, then turned to look at how many more titans there were. Seven, ok, I can do this, I just have to focus. I stood, still wobbly but determined, the walls weren't that far behind me and as long as I kept fighting I would still be ok. One last time, I summoned my quirk, going beyond my limits. Just like All Might, who goes beyond his limits every day, I flew forward. Killing the smaller ones first, then as the bigger ones went to grab me I glided underneath their arms. Then struck when I could, finally after the seventh was dead I descended to the ground. I started for the walls, I would make it.

~~~

I finally made it home a day later, it was night time now. It was a good thing because since most titans can't move without sunlight, I was able to walk right past them without having to defend myself. Not wanting to bother anyone, nor would they hear me either if I shouted to open the gates I flew over the wall and as far as my body would take me. The scout headquarters weren't that far away, and most of them should be asleep by now. So let's hope I'll be able to surprise them tomorrow morning. As I expected, all the horses were asleep, and every light out. I couldn't wait till I fell into my bed, I could sleep for a whole day. Maybe even three, once I reached the door I pushed it open with all my strength. It creaked open slowly, and I barely was able to fit my body inside the crack I made.

"Y/n?" A voice quavered, I looked up to see Levi at the table, having a cup of tea while reading my journal that I left with Eren. He instantly stood and ran over. His arms wrapped around me tight, I grunted in pain which made him ease his grip a little. I laughed softly, I was finally home and knowing that I collapsed in his arms. The bleeding stopped hours ago but I think that tight squeeze might've started it again. He gently lowered me to the ground as he sobbed into my shoulder, why was he crying? "Your alive!" He exclaimed, "You're alive..."

"Levi..." I whispered, my voice still hoarse. "Let go of me." He pulled back, wondering if he had hurt me in anyway. He had, he had broken my heart, why would I want a hug who caused me pain?

"Did I hurt you?" I shook my head, but once he saw my wounds he pulled me close to him again. He tried to pick me up bridal style, but I pushed him away.

"I said, let go of me." He saw the hurt in my eyes, and understood. He understood that he caused me pain, but he still tried to help.

"Y/n you need help-" He lifted his hand, which made me flinch at the sight. Seeing that he let his hand fall back down to his side.

"I'll do it myself, just keep your hands off of me." After a few steps I fell, he gently picked me up bridal style, this time I didn't fight. He wouldn't stop no matter what, he took me upstairs to my room and set me down on the stool in the bathroom.

"Get undressed, and into the bath. I'll go get a few bandages." He disappeared out the door, I did as he told me and started the bath. The water was hot thank god, instantly I slipped in, enjoying the warmth. When he came back he stopped and stared. His cheeks burning red as he sat next to me, he mainly focused on cleaning me up.

"I can clean myself ya know." I growled as he massaged my head, scrubbing my hair with soap.

"You can barely stand, now let me take care of you." I scoffed, the rage I had set in my heart because of him only grew more.

"Why? It's not like you care about me, so why help me now? Why show that you care?" He didn't respond, instead he just kept giving me my bath. I had to admit it felt nice, I became more and more at ease. Yet my throat burned as I tried to hide my sobs, it was hard for me to see him. The more he helped me, the more I wished he loved me...but heroes don't always get happy endings do they? Once my bath was finished and I was all cleaned, he gave me a towel and waited outside the bathroom as I got dressed. He was sitting on my bed, head in his hands when I came out.

"Why did you do it?" He asked, looking me in the eye. "Why did you sacrifice yourself when you didn't have to!" He shouted, his eyes watery.

"Well you did tell me if I ever told you something stupid again you'd put me on the front lines...so I thought I'd do it for you." He stood abruptly, coming towards me at a face pace but stopped when he wasn't even 2 inches away.

"Why?..." He rested his hands on my upper arms, backing me up against the wall. "Why would you sacrifice yourself? You didn't have to! Why would risk your life?..."

"Because I didn't want to come back..." I muttered, he was stunned, "I didn't want to have to come back to see you. I didn't want to be in a world where the one I thought who loved me doesn't! I couldn't handle it, I couldn't...I didn't want to come home to you, because whatever nice things you say to me...it doesn't mean anything." He let go of me, backing away in utter disbelief, and just like that he left. He didn't come back that night to help me with my injuries, and I knew why, just like me he didn't want to face the thing he hated most.

~~~

Almost a week after I returned, life went back to normal. Well almost, everyone kept telling me thank you for what I did, and they helped me with most of my chores since I was still bruised. Levi on the other hand, he wouldn't talk to me, he couldn't even look at me. Just like before, he just doesn't care, and he never will.

"Y/n?" Hanji called, I was sitting in the dinning room, I was taking a break because even with the very few chores I had I still got exhausted pretty quickly. She handed me a stack of paper. I wonder what all this was for? "I need you to deliver to Erwin, it's very important."

"Does important include new crazy experiments you want to try?" I chuckled, grabbing the stack as I stood to go deliver them.

"Oh sh! Just go! And hurry!" She was very enthused about these papers being delivered, as fast as my body would let me I headed to Erwin's office. Which I passed Levi's room on the way, it was opened and this time he was reading a book. I kept walking, I missed him, but this is what's for the best right? Once I got Erwin's office, I spotted him staring out the window. One of his arms now gone due to a titan.

"Hanji wanted me to drop these off, I hope you don't mind," I told him and went to walk out when he stopped me.

"Levi told me." Told him what? "Why you sacrificed yourself, and even if it wasn't because you wanted to save humanity. I should still thank you..." I turned to face him, he was staring at me now.

"Levi wasn't the only reason I sacrificed myself..."

"Yet he was the main one." I nodded, I understood what Erwin was telling me, it was selfish for me to have done such a thing. "Then if you wanted to die so bad, why did you fight so hard to come home?" I knew why, and Erwin did to as did everyone except for Levi.

"...Cause I wanted to see the smile on his face one last time..." I gave him a small grin and left, it was because I wanted some reaction out of Levi. I want to see...to see if he would realize how he felt about me, that he would possibly realize that he loved me...I walked past Levi's room again, the book was to the side. When I looked closer I realized it was my journal, the one I gave to Eren. He was still reading that thing? I leaned in the doorway but only for a second. He couldn't see me, he was facing the wall, the more I stood there the more it hurt to see him.

"If you couldn't handle seeing me again..." He spoke facing me, his eyes were red and his cheeks stained with tears. "Then why did you come back?"

"Well..." I step inside, and sat down next to him. "...At first I didn't know why, I didn't know why I fought so hard. Then I did, ever since I told you I loved you...you abandoned me. You never payed attention to me anymore...you hated me." I glance over at him, his hands were shaking, gently I take one and tangled his fingers together with my own. He didn't pull away, instead he scooted closer to me. "Then when I saw you I knew why I came back...I knew why I fought so hard to come home. I wanted to see your smile, even if it was for the last time. But I won't get to...and that's ok, cause heroes don't always get happy endings huh?" I sniffled, I knew if I stayed there any longer I would've let it all go. I couldn't let him see me cry, so I left and headed outside to clear my head. I kept walking out into the field, and when I was far enough I screamed. Why didn't he love me? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough!?

"Kiley!" He shouted, running up behind me, great he followed me.

"Go away!" I yelled, he didn't listen, instead he grabbed me. Making me face him, I tried to get out of his grip.

"I didn't tell you to leave that day because I didn't love you." Wait, what? I stopped struggling, "I told you to leave because I didn't want to get attached as well as you...every person I've loved dies." He admits, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. "And I knew that if you got close to me, you would die to and this time you almost did because of me...Kiley, I love you, I'm just scared that I'll lose you."

"Oh Levi..." I pulled him close, his arms wrapped around me tightly. This time I didn't object, this time I stayed in his embrace. "You won't lose me, ever, no matter what happens I will always fight to see you again." He pulled back, a huge smile on his features and finally what felt like forever he placed his lips on mine.

[bitterlikesweets]

Love Bites Ch 15

This is the fifteenth chapter of a modern/vampire AU ereri fanfic. You can also read it on Ao3. 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | Special | 15

Next

“You mean, all that stuff happened, and you’re just telling us now?”

Eren sighs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as he waits for the streetlight to turn green. Mikasa is in the passenger seat of his car, glaring a hole into the side of his head. It’s been a little less than a week since his confession to Levi, and exactly a week since he’s last had blood. Today, Eren is bringing a pair of spectators to his usual meeting with Levi. He met with Levi a few days prior, so they could talk about what they should and shouldn’t say in front of Eren’s friends.

Any mention of murder was immediately out. Fight training could be brought up, but without any explanation of the reason. And… no mentions of crying or Eren falling apart in general. He didn't want them to know.

“Why? Would they judge you?” Levi had asked.

“No… No, I just… I just want that to be between us. Please.”

“If that’s what you want, I won’t bring it up.”

They just… worry too much. He doesn't need to give them any more reasons to.

“Eren!”

Though, if he didn't want to worry them, maybe Eren should have told Mikasa and Armin everything before the day he was supposed to bring them along.

“Look,” Eren says, “things just happened so fast! It wasn’t like I planned on not telling you guys—”

“So fast? It’s been weeks! You couldn’t text us once in the weeks since we last talked to you about this guy? No ‘hey guys, sorry I’m dating this creepy vampire hunter guy now?’”

“Wha—he’s not creepy!”

“My point is—”

“Mikasa,” Armin pipes up from the backseat. “To be fair, the dating started last week, according to Eren’s story.”

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re on Levi’s side with this,” Mikasa says, twisting around in her chair to face Armin.

“I’m not on Levi’s side. I’m on Eren’s side. And you should be too.”

“I am on Eren’s side, but—” Mikasa groans, massaging her temples with her fingers, momentarily sliding her glare to Eren. “We were supposed to meet and talk to this guy ages ago, Eren. Remember? You were going to introduce us? But you didn’t, so I don’t know him. I don’t know if he’s good for you.”

“Why don’t you just trust Eren’s judgement?” Armin asks, dragging Mikasa’s eyes back to him.

“I’m sorry, trust Eren’s judgment?” Mikasa pauses, turning to pat Eren on the arm. “Sorry, that came out mean. I love you. But—”

Mikasa twists around in her seat to face Armin again.

“—since when does Eren have judgment that we can trust reliably?”

Eren sighs again. Normally, he would be angry, but honestly, he knew this would happen. Maybe that’s why he’s been unconsciously putting this off for so long. He loves Mikasa, and ninety-nine percent of the time she’s fun to be around, but the other one percent is just such a pain…

“And what makes you not want to trust Levi?” Armin asks. Mikasa’s volume has been steadily rising, but Armin’s voice is still calm and even.

“Armin, he’s teaching Eren to fight with stakes and knives! Just because! That’s a man with violent tendencies, and I don’t think—”

“Eren has violent tendencies too!”

“Which is exactly why we shouldn’t encourage him to use knives, Armin! I’m just saying—”

“Mom, Dad,” Eren whines as he turns into the parking lot in front of Kuchel’s Kitchen, “can you please stop arguing before we get in there? You’re going to embarrass me in front of my boyfriend.”

“Mom and Dad?” Mikasa echoes with a disgusted scrunch of her nose.

“Well,” Armin says, dropping his chin into his hand, “if we’re going that route, it’d be more accurate for me to be a little sibling. Sticking up for my big brother as he gets scolded by our mom, I mean.”

Eren snorts as he puts his car in park, adjusting his rearview mirror to catch a glimpse of Armin. His friend—sorry, little brother—is putting on his best serious face, though his blue eyes are shining with amusement. Mikasa huffs and crosses her arms over her chest.

“And why does that still leave me as a mom?” Mikasa snaps, though there’s the beginning of a laugh behind her words.

“Because Eren has saved and protected me too many times for me to be his dad? If anything it’s the opposite,” Armin says.

“Yeah,” Eren says. “That, and you nag us like an old lady all the time.”

Mikasa aims a punch at him so hard that he can feel the pain even with his new, stronger vampire body. But her glare is faltering as she looks up at Eren, the corners of her lips twitching as she visibly struggles not to smile.

“See,” Armin says, poking Mikasa in the bicep, “but this is why you couldn’t actually be our mom. I think people would call a mom hitting her child a form of abuse.”

“What should I be so that I can do it without getting in trouble for abuse?” Mikasa asks, reeling her arm back in preparation for another punch.

“Hmmm…” Armin muses, covering his mouth with his hand as Eren raises his arms to defend himself from the hit he knows is coming. “A sibling!”

“Perfect.”

“Ahhh!” Eren shouts, and he’s laughing at the same time, even though Mikasa’s fist is hurtling at him like a pale asteroid. “No! Not the face!”

What could have been a clean hit against Eren’s jaw turns into an open palm on his forehead as Mikasa ruffles his hair, trying and failing to hold back little giggles bubbling from her lips. Armin splutters and spits from behind the hand covering his mouth until he can’t hold it back any longer, and soon the whole car is a laughing mess of grown adults acting like a bunch of twelve year olds.

When laughing fades to wheezing and gasps for breath, Armin drops his head onto the center console. Mikasa’s hand falls from Eren’s head to his shoulder.

“Your boyfriend…” Armin says between ragged breaths, “is going to think we’re insane. But I… I missed us. It feels like forever… since we’ve been us.”

Eren’s eyes widen as he looks down at Armin. God, when was the last time they were able to be like this? The last time they were able to act like the trio of idiots that they are? The last time Eren can recall is when they were in his apartment tormenting Armin about Twilight, but before that—

Before that, it had been months. Because after Eren’s mom—after becoming a vampire, Eren really just didn’t have it in him to be like this. To have fun, to fuck around with his friends like they were in middle school again. It was all he could do just to get through the day.

But… since meeting Levi, Eren has slowly become himself again.

“Yeah,” Eren says, dropping his fist onto Armin’s back. “I missed us too.”

The hand lingering on Eren’s shoulder squeezes, and Eren shifts his gaze to Mikasa, whose dark eyes are locked onto his face.

“Eren.”

“...Yeah?”

“If it’s…” Mikasa’s grip on Eren’s shoulder tightens. “If it’s because of that creepy vampire hunter guy—”

“Levi,” Eren interrupts. Mikasa rolls her eyes.

“If it’s because of Levi that you’re smiling again, then I… I’ll try to…”

Mikasa sighs.

“I’ll… attempt to not be as hostile as I could be towards him.”

“Is that the best I’m getting out of you?”

“Yes.”

Eren laughs, lightly punching her in the shoulder.

“Okay, I’ll take it. Now let’s get in there already. And Mom, Dad? No arguing.”

“Oh, quit it with that Mom and Dad bullshit!”

~ ~ ~

Levi is sitting at the table in the breakroom when the trio of friends walk in. His gray-eyed gaze meets Eren's from across the room, and Eren smiles, raising his hand to wave—

"Oh shit," Mikasa says as Levi stands up, "I forgot how short—"

Eren swivels, the hand he raised to wave turning to slap over her mouth, his other arm firmly grasping her shoulder and shoving her back towards the door.

"How short tempered I am!" Eren exclaims over his shoulder at Levi, who's looking over at them with a raised eyebrow. "Very short tempered. Why don't we go talk about that, Mikasa?"

Before anyone else can say anything, Eren shoves Mikasa through the breakroom doorway and drags her into a back corner of the kitchen, behind a shelf of pots and pans. Petra is at the stove, casting curious glances at them over her shoulder, so Eren settles for whisper-yelling at Mikasa instead of actually raising his voice.

"I thought you just promised to not be hostile!"

Mikasa pries Eren's hand away from her mouth, looking up at him with a frown.

"I genuinely didn't mean anything bad by it—"

"You expect me to believe that?"

"Look, it's been a while since I've seen the guy. Can you blame me for being surprised that he's the size of a middle schooler?"

"I can blame you for saying it out loud as soon as we walked in!"

"Okay, okay!" Mikasa says, grabbing Eren by the shoulders. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to do it. I'll be more careful from now on."

Eren simply narrows his eyes at her, unsure if he can believe it. He wants to trust her, but he just doesn't want things to go bad, and Mikasa doesn't have the greatest history with being kind towards his boyfriends….

God, is this how she feels about Eren with nearly everything else? If he wasn't currently pissed, he would apologize.

"I promise!" Mikasa exclaims, though a frown comes to her lips as she looks up at Eren. "...Is he that sensitive about it?"

"Well—"

Actually, Eren's not sure. He doesn't remember bringing up Levi's height around the man. It's not that Eren hasn't noticed; being around six feet tall himself, it's extremely hard for Eren not to notice Levi's lack of height. But it never particularly mattered enough to Eren for him to bring it up. They spend a good chunk of their time around each other sitting, so it's not as noticeable. Besides, Levi has proved more than once that he can easily close their height gap whenever he wants…

Their first kiss flashes in Eren's mind. Levi's hand at his chest, clutching the collar of Eren's shirt, pulling him down effortlessly and—fuck, now is really not the time.

"I don't know if he is," Eren says, "but this is not how I want to find out, okay?"

Something that makes Eren uneasy sparks in Mikasa's eyes, but she nods.

"Okay."

Eren sighs, stepping away from her.

"Then let's hurry up and get back in there—"

"Wait."

It's a desperate effort to reign in the annoyed groan building in Eren's throat.

"What now?"

"Let me have one taunt."

"Mikasa—"

"Just one. Please? And then I'll be good."

Eren drags his hand over his face.

"Just one?"

"Yes."

"...Fine."

Eren bites back a sigh with his flat front teeth as he puts his hand on the doorknob. How is he going to salvage the situation? He made it way too obvious when he cut Mikasa off originally, and him taking her out of the room probably seemed suspicious too. Eren just has to make sure he makes up a good cover story for why they went out.

...What excuse did he make originally? Right, right, his temper…

Eren screws his eyes shut and prepares for himself to spectacularly fail this explanation, pushing the door open—

And then he’s greeted by a laugh.

Eren’s eyes pop open. It’s Armin’s laugh. Levi is out of his seat and has migrated closer to the door, where he stands beside Armin. They’re both facing each other, and though Levi’s not smiling, his gray eyes hold a small sparkle of amusement.

“Well,” Mikasa says, dropping her chin on Eren’s shoulder. “At least they’re getting along. I should take some notes from Armin, for your sake.”

Eren’s hands ball up into fists at the hem of his shirt, black fabric clutched tightly in his hands. His stomach feels… fuzzy. Fuzzy like mold. Like something doesn’t belong.

“What’s so funny?” Eren asks.

Two pairs of eyes swivel towards Eren, one blue and one gray. The remains of Armin’s laugh linger as a smile on his lips, and Levi’s expression softens a little.

“Nothing,” Armin says, “Levi and I were just introducing ourselves.”

“Oh,” Eren says. “Okay. Cool… Cool.”

He hears Mikasa’s voice over his shoulder—a soft, confused, “Oh?”

Two pairs of eyes narrow in concern, and Eren drops his gaze to the floor.

“Is everything okay—”

“You alright—?”

When Eren peeks up again, Levi and Armin are looking at each other, wide-eyed. Then, Armin covers his mouth as he laughs again, at the same moment that Levi begins to shake his head. A moment later, Levi looks over at Eren and points at Armin with a pale index finger.

“I like this one.”

Eren’s shoulders rise to his ears, and he hears Mikasa behind him again. This time her “Oh,” sounds decidedly less confused.

"That's good," Eren says, stomach feeling fuzzier than before. "Anyway, this is Mikasa."

"Hey," Mikasa says, raising her hand in a wave as Eren marches over to Levi and practically drapes himself over the man's back. "I'm the not-so-nice one in our group."

Eren's chin drops onto Levi's shoulder, his hands clutching Levi's shirt from behind. Levi's gray eyes dart up to look between Mikasa and Eren, but Eren averts his gaze, his grip tightening on Levi's shirt.

“Are you okay?”

It’s a whisper by Eren’s ear, so soft that he doesn’t even know if he can call it that. It’s loosely formed words on half of an exhale, at a volume meant for only highly sensitive ears. Eren smiles a little, nodding into Levi’s shoulder. Levi reaches around his back to grab one of the hands clinging to his shirt. Eren is happy to let him guide that hand to the front, where Levi can layer his own over it.

The fuzzy, moldy feeling in Eren’s gut fades.

Though when he looks up again, Armin is frowning over at them, and Eren's not sure why.

“Oh,” Levi says, his attention on Mikasa again. “So, you’re the one I need to worry about.”

“Definitely,” Mikasa says with a serious nod. “I’ll wreck your shit if you hurt Eren, little man.”

Eren buries his face into Levi’s shoulder and groans.

“Mikasa!” Armin exclaims with a gasp.

“What? Eren said I could have one taunt!”

“You’ve got an allowance for your insults, and you wasted it on ‘little man?’” Levi asks. “Shit, Eren, is this where you get your crappy quips?”

“Wha—” Eren leans away from Levi so that he can actually look him in the eye. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means this is to be expected from the friend of the brat who thinks he patented the word dumbass,” Levi says, reaching up to brush a lock of Eren’s brown hair behind his ear. Eren leans down into his touch.

“Actually, I said I copyrighted it, dumb—asshole.”

Levi snorts, guiding Eren’s face lower.

“Nice save.”

“Shut up.”

Their lips only meet for a moment, a brief touch before the sound of someone clearing their throat startles Eren into remembering that his friends are right there. His cheeks burn and he steps rigidly away from Levi, his eyes finding a distraction on the lines between the tiles on the floor.

When he's with Levi, it's just like… like other things take a backseat for a moment. Even when those other things are his best friends, being forced to stand around while he and Levi kiss.

What a fucking introduction this has been.

"Well," Levi says, using the awkward silence to change the subject, "I've got things I want to teach you two. You have any questions first?"

"Oh!" When Eren looks up, Armin's eyes are practically shining. "Actually we've been collecting questions for a while."

Armin pulls out a familiar notebook from under his arm, and Eren tilts his head, thinking back to when he first saw it.

"Have you erased anything since we last got together?" Eren asks as Armin passes the notebook to Levi.

Armin blinks over at Eren.

"No? Why would I do that?"

Eren just grins. To the side of him, Mikasa gasps and slaps a hand over her own mouth, stifling giggles. Armin's head whips back and forth as he sends questioning gazes their way.

"Guys? What is it?"

"Nothing, nothing," Eren says with a wave of his hand. "Go ahead, Levi."

Levi raises an eyebrow at Eren before shifting his attention to the notebook again.

"'Does being bit hurt a lot?' At first, and the 'a lot' depends on your pain tolerance," Levi says. "'Are there restrictions about numbers of partners?' No, that's personal preference. 'How accurate is…'"

Levi stops. He blinks down at the notebook page and then fixes each of them with an individual glare, going down the line and ending with Eren.

Eren covers his mouth with his hand, mirroring Mikasa as his shoulders begin to shake.

"What's wrong?" Armin asks.

"Twilight…" Levi says slowly. "That's the movie with the sparkly vampires, right?"

That breaks Mikasa. She has to lean on the wall for support, silent laughter rumbling through her. Eren has to stick part of his hand in his mouth to hold himself back.

"You're asking me," Levi continues, "which part of the sparkly vampire movie is accurate?"

"Oh my God." Armin's voice is muffled from burying his face in his hands. "I'm so sorry—I forgot that was there—"

Eren laughs so hard his chest aches. He doubles over, a hand layered over his stomach as he tries not to fall on the floor. And then his laugh makes Mikasa's silent laughter turn into loud, borderline cackling, which just makes Eren laugh even more.

"Do vampires get offended by humans who think Twilight is accurate. Do vampires sparkle like they do in Twilight. Does a vampire's sense of smell work like it does in Twilight…"

There's no inflection in Levi's voice. He reads it with all the emotion of a corporation's automated voicemail. Armin lets out a sound like a distressed whine from behind his hands.

"Just kill me now," Armin mumbles.

"I could arrange that," Levi replies. "For the both of us."

This was so worth it.

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 119 Thoughts

In the next thrilling episode of things going much worse than they needed to, all my fake internet money is going towards Historia actually incubating Eren’s missing leg under her shirt.

Through the power of Paths he rips his way out of Historia’s stomach while NPC Farmer Guy watches in complete horror and Levi bleeds out on the kitchen table because everyone is too distracted by the latest bloody mess.

The rest of the manga is just devoted to extreme Biblical discourse over who is playing which part in the story, and how many ways can they be Frankensteined together.

With bonus points going to Levi sharing Jesus’ birthday.

Christ Bowl: Resurrection.

Like Serum Bowl only somehow worse for everyone.

Okay so a lot happened.

I wanna make sure I’ve got it.

Lessee.

Yeah.

So.

A bunch of people died.

Reiner was not one of them, because death would impede the manga’s one constant of Reiner suffering.

That’s it, that’s the chapter.

Geez, okay. So in one corner we’ve got all of the folks who Zeke turned into titans. And Zeke actually made that cog of the plot spin forward. So we’ve got a city full of titans. In previous times this was undesired and bad, and it still sort of is, but the people these titans will eat are Marleyan soldiers, so it’s a lot easier to not feel so bad about the cannibalism.

Then we’ve got Porco Galliard.

Who is apparently dead now.

Falco, who is not dead, no longer has a brother. Because Colt wanted to hug his baby brother during his time of need more than he wanted to live. So Colt’s dead too.

Zeke is somehow not dead. Still.

Gabi is keeping up the Braun tradition of living to survive further trauma.

Mikasa, Armin, Jean, and Connie continue to be good children who deserve only nice things as they try to clean up the mess their one friend has managed to create around them.

And Eren’s head gets blown off.

Which it’s sort of hard to argue he doesn’t deserve, all things considered. ‘All things’ including the part where he’s probably not going to stay dead if he even reaches that point.

...

Okay.

My main desire with this post is really just to scribble red marker everywhere and draw tiny explosions with the footnote, “things went wrong,” and leave it at that. This is very much one of this series’ chapters where I’d prefer to simply wait for what’s coming than to try to produce something meaningful over what we have.

The temptation to say this is all very rushed is very present, but I think that’s just because two characters with names die and the entire upper brass turns into titans in the space of forty pages.

Galliard’s been getting the crap beaten out of him every single fight. The impressive part is that he stays alive long enough to do something with his death instead of just getting killed.

Colt... yeah, people in hysterics don’t make good choices. I’ll come back to him with kinder words later, but mainly that.

I think I’m just a little in shock that the plot actually moved. While it’s gotten better over the years, the manga is still very much designed around paving a foundation with exposition, then hitting every single relevant beat of said exposition without pausing for air.

The threat of the military turning into titans has been around for months. It just. Finally really happened.

...Look, the manga might not want to take a breather, but I sure do. This is a lot of action dropping a lot of seeds, and part of me is still stuck on the fact that the grand titanization actually happened, and Galliard actually gets nommed.

Oki doki then.

Yay for fewer swords dangling over everyone?

Probably also a no on Jaws breaking Annie out? Falco won’t have the control to do it gently any time soon, and Falco, being a precious beacon of goodness, is not going to feel comfortable just cracking Annie open.

Hell. Some months I think would really go better without a post. With monthly series, there’s usually something each month that’s worth words, and I do think this still qualifies, but this really could use the cushioning of its future chapters. So many boxes got checked off for things happening so fast that it’s hard to gauge their impact. The smoke’s still clearing, and detailing the quality of the rising dust and ashes is not high on entertainment.

Oh well, into the cloud we go.

This month brought to you by brothers!

Colt and Falco; Porco and Marcel; Eren and Zeke. Brothers! Brothers feeling brotherly feelings and relating to each other through said feelings!

Or a series of older brothers severely traumatizing their younger siblings and making everything much worse by trying to be good big brothers in ways that lead to dead bodies littering the streets.

Reiner’s entire post-Warrior Candidate life happens because Marcel wants to keep his little brother safe.

It’s Zeke’s fault, but Colt hugging Falco means that Falco’s transformation kill Colt.

Zeke and Eren. Uh.

Bring out the red marker, because I think it would take less time to outline what area of the plot their grand plan hasn’t rained destruction all over.

This isn’t Evangelion, but good grief, if ever you wanted examples of people caring for each other as badly as they possibly can while maintaining vaguely good intentions, the sibling relationships covered in this chapter have your back.

Colt, to his credit, really is trying to be a good big brother, but. On the list of things Falco did not need, burning his brother to death is pretty high up there.

I’m going to try to stop being stunned by the fact this chapter really did happen now.

Colt, Gabi, and Falco have all been raised in an environment that encouraged hating themselves. The pinnacle of achievement in their lives is to be honored sacrifices for a country who doesn’t think they deserve life.

Gabi's been the star player in that show. Her innocence shatters with her psyche, and this arc has not been gentle in detailing that. She goes from being proud of her status and blowing things up with a laugh to shooting her greatest enemy in tears.

Falco’s been the precious cinnamon roll. He’s unfailingly kind. His goal has always been small: protect Gabi. He adjust to what he sees in front of him, and if it completely changes his worldview, that’s only the background. He’s still here for Gabi.

Colt, from the moment we meet him, is protecting his little brother. He picks Falco up and drags him away from trouble.

He’s Zeke’s successor, in theory. He doesn’t want Falco to ever inherit a Titan. That’s his role in the family. Their entire family is protected from the shame of his uncle’s rebellion through Colt volunteering.

Colt’s just a boy too.

Canon’s very familiar with child soldiers. Our cast is full of them. The land inside the walls has always been presented as a cruel world, and the fact that children regularly die training to become soldiers is their standard.

Warrior Candidates train so they will die.

Colt doesn’t join up because it’s better than working in the fields. It isn’t about saving face. His family’s quality of life is dependent on him doing everything he can to be the shiniest sacrifice of his age group.

It isn’t surprising that Marley uses children for their Warriors.

They’re eager to please and haven’t learned that they have personal agency. With the way Marley raises them, the goal is keeping them from ever learning that lesson to any functional degree. They obey and obey and obey until they die or their sanity snaps.

Because maybe it’ll get better. This small ray of hope is the only way out for their people or their families. Maybe.

Colt’s young. His mentor betrays his country, and now Zeke is the only thing standing between his little brother being okay or an inhuman monster.

The logical thing for Colt is to run straight up to Zeke, the leading spear of the enemy offensive, and beg him to wait for a little while so that Falco can get out of the line of fire. That’s what he has to work with. His love for his little brother and his confidence that the man he’s trained under doesn’t really want to hurt children.

Colt doesn’t understand the world any better than Gabi does, really.

He thinks, because he has a good heart, that that’s how people are. He thinks that the man who set up an entire plan based around robbing people of their autonomy will care more about a little boy than seeing that plan bear fruit.

He thinks it’s enough to argue that he loves his little brother.

Marleyans, Eldians. Those are just lines in the sand. They don’t really mean anything next to something like family. Colt’s little brother is right here, and Zeke can protect him.

So instead of running as far away from Zeke as possible from the start, Colt runs toward him and begs him for just a little time.

That was never going to work.

Colt thought it was worth the chance.

Much like every single Warrior Candidate since the program began.

Maybe it will work. Maybe this will save everyone.

Colt dies holding his little brother. There’s no point to it. It makes Falco more panicked than what’s already about to happen to him. It puts both of them at risk instead of just one.

Because Colt’s just a dumb kid, and he thinks that the most important thing he can do in his last moments of life is let his little brother know that he’s there.

He could have lived if he let Falco be on his own, but his life wasn’t what Colt cared about. So he dies.

He dies, and Porco spends his last moments making sure that Falco still has a chance to live.

Marcel hides his brother away from the supposed honor he’s earned to keep him safe. Marcel never wanted Porco to be a Titan. He wanted his kid brother safe, even if it meant never seeing him again.

Porco finally has the truth, and then he spots these two dumb kids running into a warzone for the same reason.

Marcel tried so hard to spare Porco this hell. It didn’t work. Porco found his way there anyway. And if he’s dying anyway, he’s going to die for something that can actually do some good.

Way to follow your big brother’s example, Pock.

None of this is going to help Reiner in any section of his life. At this point you have to hope the guy lives, just so surviving all of this can be something more than a trauma conga line. I could say something about how the most actively suicidal character of the present manga is continually denied death, and I’m sure it would be profound, but really by now I just feel bad for the guy.

I’m not sure any of these people want to be here, come to think of it.

I’m even less clear on why all of them being here is according to keikaku.

In other news, Eren gets shot.

After all his friends, once again, do their damnedest to keep him alive through his complete lack of regard for them. Without their help, Eren’s dead long before Gabi steps in.

Say thanks, Eren.

Gabi shooting people even after she’s learned that the world is horrifying and complicated should probably elicit something from me, but I’ve long been in the mode of wanting the kid to be left alone with a warm blanket and a hug. Add one more reason to the list.

Plus, there’s shooting people, then there’s shooting Eren.

Knowing far more about Eren than Gabi ever will, I’m not sure I’d want him to make contact with Zeke either. Gabi has made a trillion worse judgment calls.

It’s also somewhat appropriate.

Gabi is only there because Eren destroyed her home. She’s only alive because Sasha cared about letting a little girl live when Eren didn’t. Sasha was only there because Eren manipulated all of his friends into a combat situation none of them wanted.

I’m sure Eren has his reasons, and I’m sure when he inevitably dies for real I’ll have all kinds of emotions about it, but this is a case of him reaping what he sowed.

Hell, the gun’s got a scope and everything. The scene is crying out for a ghost of Sasha superimposed over Gabi.

Sorry your head got fucking blown off, Eren, maybe you should make better life choices.

Because what I keep ending up stuck on is why this is all happening. Clearly, now that this road has been chosen, there are a few things that demand attention, but this is such a finicky, overwrought way of trying to get two bros to hold hands.

“Let’s start a war!”

“Cool!”

Would it have been so hard to just kidnap Zeke.

I’m sure it would have raised some flags.

But.

-gestures to entire chapter-

I just feel like most of this could have been easily avoided by. you know. doing literally anything else. The exact trajectory of this plan can’t possibly be necessary. It isn’t even going well. Eren’s missing his head, Zeke is approaching Reiner levels of plot armor to keep him breathing, and all that’s really been achieved is creating a bunch of new titans and killing some people they could have killed anywhere else.

The plan itself is fundamentally destructive, yet they’ve still managed to make it destructive in a way that actively interferes with the plan going anywhere.

Congrats, gents.

Some random eight-year-old with a sniper rifle destroyed all your hard work.

Much surprise. Very wow.

The explanation for all of this is going to be something incredible.

Either because it’ll be brilliant or because it will continue the downward spiral into the chaotic groupthink of the Yeager Bros and their one brain cell.

I’m okay with whichever the story wants to go with.

[millicent231-watt]

(AoT) Family - Sister!Reader x Brother!Levi

Anime / Crossover: Attack on Titan

Songs: None

Request: No

Modern AU or just AU: No

NSFW/R-18: No

------------------------------------------------------------------

I feel like this is a no brainer, but just to be clear, this is a PLATONIC one-shot. no romance is included and the only love is family love.

------------------------------------------------------------------

I sigh in annoyance as Jean and Eren start bickering again, ultimately stopping their cleaning process given to them by Captain. I knit my eyebrows in anger as they start screaming louder and louder at each other while I was trying to meditate to find drawing inspiration. I slam my drawing pad down on the table and push up off said table, standing up and glaring at the two. "Do you two mind?" I growl in anger. "Mind your own business, bitch." Jean barks and I walk over to them with steam blowing out of my ears. "You wanna say that again?" I ask as I look up at him and place my hand on my hips. "Keep. Your. Nose. Out of it." He says before pushing me away. "Tch." I click my tongue before turning and walking back to the table. "Have fun cleaning this room on your own, assholes. If it's not done properly, Captain's gonna gut you two like fishes." I grab my things and walk out of the generally empty room. I hear them bickering again and I sigh before storming back to my room.

I close the door behind me and walk over to my desk, placing my drawing pad down. I let out a breath of air before closing my eyes and looking for inspiration. "Got too much for you, huh?" I hear my friend say from my bathroom door. "What do you want Hange?" I ask, keeping my eyes closed. "My toilet's broken, so I was just using yours. I hope you don't mind." I shrug and pick up a pencil before finishing the drawing. "How are they coming along?" She asks as she peers over my shoulder. "Alright. Is this the kinda thing you wanted?" I ask as I show her the finished drawing of Sawney and Bean. "Yes! Thank you!" I sigh and rip out the page, handing it to her. "Why do you keep asking me to draw the Titan's you capture after they die?" I ask and she smiles softly. "I like to remember them once they've gone." I shrug before hearing a knock on the door. "Come in!" I yell out as I lean one arm over the back of the chair. "I thought I told you to use the outhouse Shitty Glasses." I smirk at Hange as Corporal Levi walks in angrily glaring at Hange.

"What's this?" He asks as he takes the paper from Hange. "I asked Y/N to draw Sawney and Bean for me." She replies as I wave at him and he hands it back to her. "Tch, why?" He asks and Hange spends FOREVER explaining her motivation. "And then-" "Oh my god! Hange!" I yell at her as I saw Levi beginning to fall asleep from her speech. "Yes?" She asks with a smile. "We get it, you don't need to give us a whole welcoming speech." I say and she laughs awkwardly. "Sorry, I got a little carried away." I hear Captain scoff from my bed that was next to my desk. "Yeah, no shit. Get back to your paperwork." He orders and she walks out with a nod. "Within all these walls, I've never met someone who talks as much as her." I say as I lean back in my chair and yawn slightly. "You don't have to tell me. So how'd Jaeger and Kirstein get on with cleaning the mess hall?" Captain asks and I scoff. "How do you think it went?" I ask sarcastically. "Tch, they need to learn to get on more." I smirk as I remember our bet. "Hey, Levi." I say as I smirk at him. "I win. It only took 5 minutes for them to start fighting. Hand over the $5." I chuckle as he rakes out the money. "Can I?" He asks as he reaches out for my drawing book. I nod and hand it to him.

"You're drawings are getting better." He says as he looks through my book. "Yeah, well I've got better resources here. All I had was charcoal in The Underground." I remind him and he nods. "How are you finding this place, the HQ I mean." He asks, handing my book back. "Well, it's no shitty, broken down house underground, but it'll do I guess." I joke as he ruffles my hair, just like he used to when we were kids. "Your jokes ate getting worse Y/N." He says with a smirk and I stick my tongue out at him. "You should know they've always been bad Onii-chan!" I say with a giggle. "Yeah, don't remind me." I smile and grab my pencil again. "There's something I've been working on for you." I flip through the pages of my drawing book and stop on a page that had a picture of a beautiful, black-haired beauty sketched onto the paper. "Here." I say as I write a quick note that said 'Kuchel Ackerman' on the paper and hand it to him.

His face drops more than usual. "You drew mom?" He asks and I smile sadly. "Yeah, I couldn't think of anything else to draw." I say and he smiles at me. "You miss her huh?" I bite my lip, trying to hold in my tears and nod. "I'm sure she'd be very proud of you Y/N if she were here." I nod as another knock is heard from the door. "Name and Business." I chuckle at Levi's demand of the mystery person. "E...Eld Jinn, Sir. I've come to drop off some documents to Y/N." I shrug my shoulders and he lets Eld in. "Here you go, Ma'am." He says as he hands me, the assisting Captain to my brother, the paperwork. "Thank your Eld." I say as I place them on my desk. "Is that all?" I ask and he shakes his head. "The rookies are starting to get fired up again." I sigh and stand up. "Where are they?" I ask and he tells me.

Time Skip

"Tch, couldn't they have chosen a place that wasn't so dusty?" I ask myself as I walk down the stairs to the basement. "Jean. What's the point in chastising Eren now?" I hear a voice say and I sigh, knowing I'd have to break up Jean and Eren again. As I got closer to the group of people, I stopped and waited in the shadows. "Y'know Mikasa...not everyone is willing to needlessly die for Eren like you." Jean says and I click my tongue before walking up to them and swinging a fist at him. "What the hell was that for?!" He yells at me before I begin kicking and stomping on him. I grab his hair and pull him up. I snarl at him for a second before throwing him onto the ground. "None of you may be willing to die for Eren, but that's too bad. Eren is our best hope in these times and you all need to have respect for him." I say as I turn to the other cadets in the room. "If you want to go out there, not trusting Eren and become Titan shit for no reason, be my guest, but if you want to go out there with some trust in him, you might actually live. No one like a defeatist attitude." I say as I look down on Jean. "All we're asking of Eren is for a guarantee." He says and I kick him again. "No one in this world has a guarantee, but we do have hope. If you really want it that badly, I'll give you a guarantee. A guarantee that should Eren ever go out of control, turn on us or give up completely, Captain Levi and myself will be there to get him up and on the right path because we have high hopes for him when he does learn to control his power." I say before they all salute and I walk off. I place my hand on Eren's shoulder as I walk past him and give him a nod before walking back upstairs.

"You deal with those two?" Levi asks and I nod. "Beat the shit out of Jean, just like you taught me." I joke before he ruffles my hair again. "Who was in charge of cleaning the basement?" I ask as I reach the mess hall, where Levi's squad was hanging out. "Here." Oluo says as he cockily smirks at me. "Redo the whole thing." I say and he just laughs. "Yeah right, have you seen how big the basement is? You're lucky I cleaned it once." He remarks before I walk up to him and kick the inside of his knee, causing him to fall to the ground. "Redo it." I demand before throwing him towards the door. "Tch, fine." He says before walking out. "Yep, there's no doubt about it. You are definitely Shorty's sister." I hear Hange say before the doors burst open. "Captain!" I hear one of the Commander's assistants yell. "What?" My brother asks as the assistant was trying to catch his breath. "The 58th expedition is about to depart." He salutes and walks out before He orders us to get our horses ready. "I'll go get the cadets." I say before walking down to the basement again.

Time Skip

I pull up the mask that was covering the lower half of my face from the wind. I was on my own, like many others. I jump slightly before sharply turning my horse around and seeing a Titan chasing Sasha Blouse, who was quite a far way away from me. I click my tongue and race towards her, trying to save her before she was eaten. I see a red smoke come out from under the Titan's foot. She must've dropped the flare. "Blouse! Over here!" I hear her senpai yell as I get closer. "Let Y/N handle it!" He yells and she looks back at me before I jump off my horse and attach onto the Titans neck. I spin around and cut a chunk out of the nape, causing the Titan to fall to the ground. "Tch, filthy." I say as I wipe down my sword, even though the Titan blood had already evaporated. "Y/N!" Sasha cries happily as she runs up to me and thanks me endlessly. "No time for thanks, get on your horse and keep going." I say and she nods, jumps on her horse and continues on her path. I jump on my horse and make my way to the meeting point, where I was going to meet up with Levi's Squad and join them.

Levi's POV

"Tch, where is she?" I ask as my squad and I wait for my sister to get here. "She'll be here soon Heichou." Eren says and I click my tongue. "We can't spend any more time waiting for her Captain. It's already been 20 minutes." I strike a glare at Oluo and he quickly looks away before a purple flare is seen from Y/N's direction. "Shit." I say before making my horse run off towards her location. "C...CAPTAIN!" I hear my squad yell before I hear the horse hooves following after me.

I can't lose you Y/N, not you. I think to myself as my breath became heavy and my heart began to ache. I saw dead Titan's lying everywhere and see a broken down house wall. I jump off my horse and run over to the wall, seeing Y/N's horse laying on the ground, dead. "L...Levi?" I hear a soft voice ask and I jump through the broken wall as my squad stops next to my horse. "Y/N!" I say happily before looking down and frowning. "What happened?" I ask as I see only one of her legs and the other replaced by a pool of blood. "W...where are you?" She asks as she reaches out in the opposite direction to me. "I'm over here Y/N. Here." I say as I pull her head towards me. "Am....am I going to live?" She asks and I nod my head as she begins touching my face. "Yes, yes of course. We'll get you back to the Infirmary and fix you up." I say as my Squad walks up behind me. "Heichou....even if we do get her back, there....there's no one to give her medical attention." I turn around and punch Eren square in the face. "Shut the fuck up Jaeger!" I scream at him as he falls to his knees.

"Levi!' I hear a voice that would usually annoy me, but in these circumstances, I was glad. "Hange, you need to help Y/N." I say as I try to keep my tears in and she looks at Y/N's pale and tired face. "Levi....where....where did you go?" She asks and I bend down to her and grab her hand softly. "I'm right here, don't worry." I whisper to her as Hange kneels down to her leg. "It's pretty bad, but if we get back I might be able to fix it. No guarantee though." She says and I pick up my sister, causing her to cry in pain. "D...don't move me....it hurts..." She begs and Hange sighs before whistling her horse over and grabbing the first-aid kit she always carried. "I don't have anything to dull the pain or put her to sleep, but I'll have to do it here. She's in no condition to be moved." Hange says as she gets on some gloves and orders her squad and mine to watch out for Titan's around us. "Y/N, can you hear me?"  She asks as I hold onto my sisters hand tightly. "H...Hange?" She asks and Hange smiles to herself. "Yes, now I'm going to try and fix your leg, okay? I don't have anything to numb the pain, so it's gonna hurt a lot." She says before sticking the needle into my sister's leg, causing her to scream out and open her eyes fully in pain.

-Time Skip-

After a few hours, Y/N's leg was fixed and surprisingly enough she didn't pass out. "There, done. Are you alright Y/N?" Hange asks as she tells me to give her some water. "Y...Yeah, thank you." She says with a smile as I try to pull her up onto my horse and take her back to HQ. "I can ride back on my own." She says. "Your horse is dead Y/N. I'm taking you back to HQ so you can rest." I say. "Fine." She says as I hop up as well and begin riding off. "Hange, meet up with Erwin and tell him my squad is no longer part of the expedition." I say before my squad and I go back to HQ.

Your POV

"Here you go. Lie down." I hear Levi say as he walks me over to my bed and lays me down. "Thank you for saving me." I say with a smile as he grabs me a glass of water. "Don't mention it." He says before walking out and walking back in after a few minutes. "Here. Hange made this if something were to happen and someone needed their leg cut off. I think you might need it." He says as he hands me a prosthetic leg. "Thank you, Levi. I'm sorry for making you worry. Braus was under attack so I went to save her and got overrun once I got back on my horse." I say and put my new leg on. I had straps like our uniform, but they were used to hold the leg up. The rest of it was just basic wood. "I'm not going to be able to fight now...or at least for awhile." I say before he ruffles my hair again and hugs me softly. "I won't let that happen again, I'm sorry for not being there."I feel a few tears falling onto my back.

"I can't lose the last person in my family."

[theerurishipper]

@gregorykampf Yeah, Eren didn’t know who would die, so in order to “save them,” he went through with a plan in which he knew they all would most likely die trying to stop him…you see where this is going? It doesn’t matter that he says he did everything for them because in the end, his actions led to the death of many of those friends, and the ones that were left had to clean up his mess. He might not have known Mikasa would behead him, but his “plan” counted on his friends killing him, and I don’t think that was something they wanted to do. He took the choice for them, and he had no right.

He wasn’t altruistic. There was no confirmation that Paradis would be annihilated. He only saw himself doing the Rumbling in those memories. He did not see Paradis getting destroyed, he did not know which of his friends would die. He was taken aback by Sasha’s death, so clearly, he just saw the Rumbling and did nothing to try and find any other way, because he didn’t want to. The world did not live up to his expectations and had disappointed him, he wanted to wipe it all out and create his ideal world, as a blank slate. He says so himself.

You say he gave up everything from himself, but the reason he did this in the first place was because he could not give up what was important, be it his ideals or his friends. He wasn’t willing to make sacrifices. He didn’t want Historia to have to inherit the beast titan even when she was willing to do so, because he could not bear the thought of that happening. He didn’t like it, so he doesn’t want it to happen, so he’ll not let it happen.

Eren wants to live in a certain way, free from any opposition by any other outside body like Marley, and while that is understandable, he has no right to decide on his own that the best course of action to take would be to just wipe them all out. Because the world is not just about Paradis, and he is not the only one whose feelings matter. That is something Eren has never understood. He always puts himself first, and disregards other people’s feelings, whether they are his friends or enemies. He places his ideals above living, breathing people. He does not want to sacrifice that freedom, that dream, even at the expense of the whole of humanity, most of whom are just as oppressed as he was.

Like it or not, Marley is there, and the altruistic, selfless thing for someone in Eren’s position would be to accept the state of events, accept that he won’t get what he wants, and sit down, consult with his friends, and try to work to find a solution that benefits and works for everyone, including the rest of the world. But that would require actually caring about the rest of the world, that would require caring about other people’s needs and feelings, that would require letting go of his dreams, and Eren just cannot sacrifice those things. He can’t accept that things aren’t going to go his way, and therefore he takes the easy route and instead of putting in the hard work to stop the war and achieve peace for the whole world, he decided to make the conflict worse and runs off to start a war.

And yes, Eren and Zeke together started this war. Zeke was responsible for manipulating events in order to make Willy Tybur declare war earlier than even Marley was ready for. Marley had just finished wars with the rest of the world, they were in no position to fight a war with Paradis, especially when Paradis had defeated their pride and joy, the warrior unit. Paradis was very well protected, at least at that time. But Zeke wanted to euthanize all Eldians and Eren wanted to wipe out humanity, so they started a war prematurely. According to Yelena, they had 5 years or more to negotiate with the rest of the world. As we have seen from the examples of Gabi, Falco, Magath, and others, talking things out does work. The manga goes out of its way to portray that a lot of things could have been solved if they’d just talked to each other. In the manga, negotiation is a powerful tool, and the only reason it didn’t work was because Eren sabotaged it with Zeke. So any argument about Eren simply responding to Tybur is irrelevant because he was the one who helped start it in the first place(with Zeke).

See what I mean?

And I’m not much of an expert on wars and such, I’m a bit stupid really, but I don’t think WW2 is still going on in the same scale, is it? The war stopped because someone surrendered. There were peace negotiations after that and that’s why that same war isn’t still being fought like it was being fought from 1939-1945. I don’t want to compare a story to real life but saying that you can’t stop wars with peace is incorrect. I don’t know if this comparison works, but if both sides are willing to talk then of course a war can be stopped through negotiation.

Either way, this is a fictional story which actively pushes the message that fighting and wars are futile, and that the only way to stop conflict is to talk things out. Peacefully. Instead of mass murdering 80% of the population.

And it also goes on about the importance of trusting in your comrades and your friends, because no one can accomplish everything alone. These are lessons that Eren has been taught through the course of the manga, and it is significant that in doing the Rumbling, he forgets all of these things.

Eren's Rumbling accomplishes nothing but making things worse. I've written about this before, but I'll say the same thing here.

The rest of the world hates the Eldians. They attack them out of fear and hatred, they wish they were dead. Even after they are faced with the reality and complexity of the world, they are unable to let go of their prejudice and hatred. They cling to that, and attempt to justify their actions with big words and claims of doing noble deeds and doing humanity a favor, when in reality it is nothing more than their hatred and fear that makes them do what they do. It's narrow minded and, dare I say, childish. To think that you alone matter, to think that you have the right to make decisions for the rest of the world, to think that somehow you are justified in that cruelty. Violence just breeds violence, and just continues the cycle of hatred.

And that, in the end, is what Eren represents. How the continued violence only brings more, and how someone who cannot give up anything cannot change anything. Eren cannot give up his dream, his freedom, he cannot let it go, he will take it from others. And so he just continues the cycle by committing more violent acts. Neither side can give up what matters or what is important to them, and they both only make the conflict worse.

Eren looks at the suffering, that the people are the same, in and out of the walls. These people are also oppressed, that they have done nothing wrong. But what he sees, are enemies. They are against Paradis, they are against his freedom, and therefore they must be eliminated. Eren cannot let go of his wish for freedom. He wants to take the freedom he was denied, and so he does, with no regard for consequences, with no concern for what comes after. And what comes after is more violence, and more and more.

And the Alliance are his foils, the counters to Eren's ideals, the culmination of the messages Isayama has been trying to tell through the story. War is futile, and that sometimes, only by giving up our personal desires for the greater good can we truly make a change in this world. Highlighted when Mikasa beheads Eren, putting he world over her personal wish to be with him.

They make a change. They stop the cycle. They give the rest of the world a chance to live in peace. They prioritize doing the right thing over what is easy and beneficial to them, because that comes at the expense of millions of other lives. They make sure that the violence stops, that the fighting stops, that the "children are let out of the forest." It's finally fighting back against a vicious cycle that has gone on for far too long, and it's about restoring peace.

It's what Isayama has been telling us. How war and oppression can shape an otherwise relatively normal boy into something so monstrous, how the cycle continues, and what must be done to finally break it. To have Eren be a selfless, altruistic person would not be a proper representation of his message. It would invalidate what Isayama was trying to say about the dangers of war and oppression, because if Eren was someone who did this heinous act for noble reasons, then that wouldn't be a good representation of the violence breeds more violence, or the cycle continues, or war is bad theme. That's my take.

Why Erwin Smith would never support the Rumbling, an essay.

So, recently, I've been seeing a lot of posts about how Erwin would "100% be a Yeagerist." I don't know if it's just that these are appearing to me now or if there are still people who actually believe this, but I wanted to share how utterly wrong this take actually is, and state in no uncertain terms that if you share this opinion, you are objectively wrong. So, let's begin.

Erwin's gambles

As the 13th Commander of the Survey Corps, Erwin Smith has had a long lasting reputation in the fandom and also in canon of being a ruthless leader, willing to risk and sacrifice the lives of his soldiers in order to move a step forward in the war to defeat the threat of the titans.

Let's take a look at some of his strategic achievements, or rather, some instances that people use to prove that Erwin was just as ruthless as Eren would become.

First of all, the 57th expedition, the plan to capture the Female Titan.

He ruthlessly gambled on his soldiers giving up their lives, kept secrets from them, all this to capture the Female Titan on a whim, based on a suspicion.

But, let me state this for the first time right now, he gambled the lives of soldiers. People who had joined this cause knowing that they would have to give up their lives if that's what it came to, people who placed their trust in their Commander knowing that he would have a good reason for everything, and he did. These people were ready to give their lives. It wasn't as though Erwin tricked them into it, which is another obscene criticism that I'll address in due time.

And the reason for keeping secrets from everyone else, other than the veterans, was because there was the very real possibility that there was a traitor amongst them, which Annie wasn't, but Reiner and Bertholdt were. The secret was kept for a reason. And it was completely valid. Reiner and Bertholdt were able to derail the mission halfway through the moment they heard where Eren was. Imagine if they had know from the beginning.

Moving on, the debacle at Stohess.

Lots of innocent lives were lost, homes and buildings destroyed, simply, it was a huge loss and a very ruthless plan, all to capture the Female Titan.

But let's look at the actual plan. As Hange states, the plan to lure Annie to the cannons was plan B. Plan A was to lure her underground and render her unable to transform, and then capture her. There were soldiers stationed around the area ready to capture her, and there were soldiers underground too, ready to capture her with no damage. It failed, and that was why there was so much loss of life. Erwin did his best to minimize casualties, but he didn't give up on his goal. But to say that he was negligent with the lives of innocents is false, because he did take steps to have most of them evacuated and his original plan was formulated with the intention of reducing or even avoiding any casualties.

And then, Erwin took responsibility for the lives the were lost. He didn't justify himself or shift blame. He wasn't regretful that they had to go to extreme measure to capture her, but he was apologetic that it had to be done. He valued the lives that were lost.

Then, the suicide charge.

I'm going to get straight into it.

They were all going to die. Yes. Either way, whether or not they charged, everyone there was going to die. Erwin's plan was the only way to distract the Beast Titan long enough for Levi to get close enough to kill him. But it wasn't like he made them charge to certain doom instead of letting them escape or finding a way to minimize casualties. It was the only way left, and again, he wasn't throwing away lives, because they were all dead anyway. In this plan he made their lives mean something, he let them give up their lives in a way that would help humanity fight another day. This sacrifice helped Levi incapacitate the Beast Titan, and helped them win the battle for Wall Maria.

And he charged with them as well. Erwin led this charge. He was at the front, commanding his troops, having given up on the dream for which he had done everything to achieve, and charged to his death for humanity. Erwin didn't just gamble away the lives of his soldiers all this time, he was ready to die himself as well. And he put himself on a suicide charge, led it even, all to give humanity a fighting chance.

Erwin sacrificed everything for humanity. Which brings me to my next point.

Erwin's dream and lies

Erwin Smith was a man with a dream. He wanted to know the truth of the outside world. If humans really did exist outside the walls.

He fought for this dream. Everything he did, was for this dream. It was his life's mission. His goal.

One of the criticisms of Erwin that have been put forth to fuel the narrative I am now trying to dispute was that Erwin was a selfish man who did everything to find the basement, and therefore Eren is justified in committing mass genocide for the sake of freedom and his friends.

This is a very bad take and is a complete misinterpretation of everything that makes Erwin Erwin. I'll get to why, but first, some Erwin meta for the soul.

Erwin joined the Scouts to find the truth, i.e to prove his father's dream, to make sure that there were more people outside the walls. He needed proof.

In his time in the scouts, Erwin rose up the ranks, and soon enough he was Commander, responsible for the lives of all the soldiers he led. He inspired them with words about humanity, he fed them "lies" and "tricked" them into joining the fight. But, what I'm sure many have said but I'll say again, Erwin also tricked himself in the process. All this time, he believed that he had been fighting to free humanity, completely selflessly with altruistic intent. The reveal that he had been fighting to achieve his father's dream all along was the beginning of his downfall. It awoke in him immense guilt. He felt as though he had cheated and killed every comrade of his for his selfish cause, for his dream, and that sent him spiraling into depression. The burden of being Commander, the lives on his back, and now the knowledge that he had been killing his comrades for something he had lied about crushed him.

He began to fall lower and lower because of this immense guilt, and revealed how utterly broken he has been. The weight of everything he was forced to do and forced to become is clear.

He started to see his comrades, asking him what had become of their devoted hearts. He was being crushed by guilt because he thought he'd sent them all to their deaths for selfish purposes, he thought he'd killed all of them for his selfish dream.

Erwin wanted to fight for humanity, he wanted to fight for the cause, he wanted to be the Commander he'd always thought he was, that everyone thought he was. But he couldn't give up on his dream, not by himself. So Levi made the choice for him, to give up on his dream and die. He lifted off Erwin the burden of his dream and assured him that he would see it through to the end, and Erwin smiled, thanked him, and charged to his death.

Now, why did I write this? Of course, it was because gushing about Erwin Smith and how wonderful and amazing and awe-inspiring he is is very very important regardless of context. But it also leads into the point I want to make in regarding this in the context of this post.

The point brought up by most people who perpetuate this argument is that Erwin lied to all his friends, deceived and tricked his comrades, and was fighting for a selfish dream all along, and he sacrificed so many to do that, so why shouldn't Eren.

And that is the entire problem, because Erwin himself is wrong about that. This is a man, whose views on himself are warped in self-deprecation, self-loathing, self-hatred, guilt, depression, all of the above. He was looking at himself as a con-man, someone who was the worst of the worst, buying into the narrative of himself that everyone else threw upon him every single day. As a devil, a deceiver, a trickster, the lowest of the low, when all that was simply not true.

Erwin never lied to anyone, he never forced anyone to join the cause, and he certainly never tricked anyone. He was closed off about his gambles(and that too only in instances were discretion was necessary), but not about his intentions. They were always out there in the open for everyone to see. Erwin was not completely selfish, nor did he take the lives of his comrades lightly. He always took responsibility for his men's losses, and they affected him very deeply. He put into effect many new formations that always reduced casualties. His squad before he became Commander was known for suffering no losses. He didn't blindly sacrifice lives. He did many things at risk to his own life for the chance that it might benefit humanity. He admitted that he could always be replaced. Seeing his dream was very important to him, and it was what he fought for, but the things he did to achieve it were always in line with whatever humanity needed.

And this is illustrated with multiple characters. Erwin is not the only one with a dream. Armin wants to see the ocean, Eren wants freedom, Mikasa wants to be with Eren. They all have their own selfish dreams, but that's fine, because they use it as fuel to fight for humanity. It may be selfish, but their actions benefit humanity in the end.

And when it wasn't, when it came down to making that choice, Erwin threw away his dream and did what humanity needed, to give up on his dreams and die. Because Erwin did believe in humanity, he did believe that humanity was worth saving, he believed in the ideals of the Survey Corps, and to say that he cared only for is dream and nothing else at all is a lie.

(Erwin Smith I love you so much.)

Eren's "gambles"

Eren waited for Willy Tybur to finish speaking and declaring war, then transformed, blowing up an entire building full of innocent people.

And that highlights the fundamental difference between him and Erwin. But let's keep going.

In short, Eren fights the Warhammer Titan, effectively forces the Survey Corps to come after him, and overall causes a lot of civilian casualties in what was considered a "gamble." And my point is, this wasn't a gamble, this was the entire plan. Erwin's plan involves the supposed loss of human life which was more of a possibility, to prevent which steps were taken. Eren's whole plan relied on the fact that people were to be killed, and that the Survey Corps would come to get him, having to kill more people in the process, going against everything Hange was trying to accomplish.

It gets much clearer when it's revealed that Zeke and Eren were in cahoots on this the entire time, and were actively pushing for war to be declared earlier than even Marley was ready for so that they could put their plan into motion. Civilian casualties wasn't a side effect here, it was the whole plan. Eren wasn't responding to Tybur's declaration, he was part of the cause for it in the first place.

And on top of that, Eren pushed the Survey Corps into a position where they had no other choice but to come get him. He used his importance to the safety of Paradis against them, and forced them into this position, where they had to undertake this mission that cost them so many lives, including that of Sasha.

Erwin, when he led his soldiers, was always open about his intentions. He fought alongside them, and was honest and gave his soldiers agency and choices. He was transparent, always. He gave them freedom, basically. And he always valued and held the lost lives in high regard, vowing to give their lives meaning. And everything he did, was for the greater good, on the path to ending and winning the war against the titans.

On the other hand, Eren ran off without a word or an explanation leaving the Survey Corps in the lurch, lied and conned them, and took away their choices when he placed them in a position where they had no other option but to attack Liberio to retrieve him. He dictated their terms, used their need for him against them to bend them to his needs. He took away their agency, their freedom, in this situation. And he did all this, so that he could ultimately access the power to continue the conflict and to do the most heinous and violent act in the world.

And that is the fundamental difference between these two gambles. One was actually a gamble, the other wasn't. One was fought with the full trust and support of the soldiers, the other was one where the soldiers were forced to fight a battle they would never have had to fight had it not been for Eren actively manipulating them. One was for the greater good, the other was for a selfish dream.

Moving on.

Would Erwin support the Rumbling?

Yeah, he would.

Not.

If it wasn't obvious already from my title, I'm going to explain exactly why Erwin would never support the Rumbling. We've covered the differences between Eren and Erwin in their approaches to their gambles, and suffice to say, they are completely different.

Now, we've also covered Erwin's dream and how he let it go for the sake of humanity.

And as for post-timeskip Eren? His dream of freedom to him, was more important than the whole of humanity. He is the antithesis of Erwin. His dream was something he could not and would not throw away, and to reach that dream, he decided to massacre the whole of humanity.

He was disappointed. He was disappointed that the world wasn't what he thought at all. He couldn't accept that he wouldn't get what he wanted in this world. He said it himself. He wanted to "wipe it all away."

Because Eren could not give up on his dream. He wasn't willing to let it go for the greater good. He wasn't able to grow up beyond the little boy who yearned for the freest freedom in the world.

And he decided, rather than compromise and accept the fact that he won't get his dream, rather than doing the right, mature thing in this situation, to take the easy way, to just kill everyone and take his dream, his freedom from them. He denies people their agency, he denies his friends their agency, he takes away all of that and commits the most destructive and horrifying act of violence ever.

Because he's selfish. He just wants his freedom, and he'll take it away from whoever took it from him. Which sounds real great until you realize the world doesn't work like that. What Eren does sounds like the line villains usually say in all the movies. "If I can't have it, no one can!"

The world's not that simple. In that world, there was no place for Eren's idealistic concept of freedom. There's always the bigger picture to consider. And Eren's actions were against all of that, and they benefited no one but himself.

To abruptly change the topic, I'm going to talk about the ideals of the Survey Corps here.

The Survey Corps was filled with noble, heroic and idealistic people, who fought for an idealized world. They fought for a world where they didn't have to fight anymore, a world without titans. They devoted their hearts to freedom.

These people fought to their last breath and gave their hearts for humanity, or whatever was the extent of humanity at the time. They were idealists, I'll say it again. They were people who fought to be free. And you just can't be truly free during conflict and war.

In what idealized world is a genocide a good thing? It goes against everything the Survey Corps stands for. It only makes the conflict worse, and destroys everything that the Survey Corps gave their lives to protect. It is the embodiment of everything the Survey Corps fought against.

If the Survey Corps were alive, they would fight against Eren. Because they were all about doing the right thing, against all odds, because it was the right way, the good way. What Eren did was taking the easy way out, because he couldn't throw away what was important to him. And that's not the Survey Corps way.

And coming back to Erwin specifically, his dream was to discover the truth, to prove his father's theory right. And he would have been proven right. He would have loved the world. What makes a Survey Corps Commander is an unyielding desire for understanding. Erwin would have been thrilled at the prospect of discovering so many other cultures, people, ecosystems, technologies, everything. He would have loved it. He would have seen so may opportunities and wonders beyond the walls. And Eren wants to take a Colossal foot to all that humanity, and stomp it all away.

And fundamentally, Erwin cares about humanity. He values people's lives. Like the rest of the Corps, he is an idealist who believes in the potential of humanity, and he would not be so quick to dismiss the rest of the world as enemies.

Erwin was a person who saw the potential in humanity, who was unyielding in his desire for understanding, who wanted to see the truth of the world, who cared so much about his comrades, and who was ready to throw away everything that was important to him to give a fighting chance to humanity, even his dreams and life. He devoted his life to fighting for humanity. Everything he did was for humanity. Erwin would do everything in his power to fight against the Rumbling, because it was against everything he believed and stood for.

I think Hange said it best.

In conclusion,

Erwin Smith would never support the Rumbling.

[pickalilywrites]

Half

Request:  Could you do one with Erwin and Levi? I have a feeling you've been asked this before, but all I want is a totally platonic, non-shippy interaction between the two because I love their dynamic. They're both so brutally honest, almost rude to each other, but it's very clear they respect the hell out of the other. So could you? :) If not that, then maybe a Mikasa/Sasha story?

Word Count: 1,653

She likes to pay attention to how her friends eat. She can lie and say it's because she cares about them getting the proper nutrition everyday, but it's really because she's monitoring how much food she can pilfer off of them. Take, for example, Armin. He's really easy to steal food off of because he's always spacing out. Even if he does notice he's nice about letting Sasha sneak a bite anyway. Jean's more of a stickler about food, whining whenever she tries to sneakily take a piece of meat although occasionally she'll manage to haggle him for a vegetable instead because if she dips it in meat sauce it's relatively scrumptious. She never thinks about taking anything from Eren because he pretty much inhales whatever is on his plate as soon as he sits down. Historia used to give her food back when she went by Christa but she looked too much of a robot for Sasha to take any food without a clear conscious after she revealed her true identity. She has to fight Connie for any food off of his plate but he'll sometimes claim that he's full some nights and give her his leftovers, which she's always thankful for. Mikasa's kind of tough to judge. Most of the time she'll smack Sasha away as soon as she reaches out for even a grain of rice. Sometimes she'll catch Mikasa in a good mood though and the stoic girl will pretend she doesn't see her food being smuggled away from her. And now? Well…

"I don't think she's eating," Sasha suddenly says to Connie and Jean over dinner.

"Who?" Connie asks.

Jean is unsurprisingly the one who figures out who Sasha is talking about first. He's had an eye for Mikasa since the first day of training. "She means Mikasa."

"Yeah," she says. "Mikasa's never been one to wolf down her dinner like Eren or anything but I've noticed that she hasn't eaten very much at all ever since Eren and Historia were kidnapped."

"That's probably why," Jean mumbles, picking at his food a tad sullenly. It's no secret that he's pretty jealous about Mikasa's close relationship to Eren.

"Shouldn't she be eating more then?" Connie asks through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "It's important that she keeps up her stamina. She can't possibly save Eren on an empty stomach. And Captain Levi did order us to eat up."

"She doesn't really like the captain in the first place so why would she even listen to him?" Sasha says, lowering her voice so that no one overhears her. She's pretty sure she's far from the captain's favorite already and she doesn't want him to dislike her anymore than he already does.

Jean stands up suddenly. "I'm going to talk to her."

Connie snickers, not even trying to hide the fact that he's laughing at his friend. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" he asks. "Most of the time you end up a blabbering mess in front of her."

He sits back down, crossing his arms across his chest like a disgruntled child. "What? So you're going to try to talk to her because that's a better idea? You'd be even worse than me!"

"Yeah, you can be kind of annoying," Sasha says without thinking.

She's never seen Connie look so shocked or offended. "You think I'm annoying?"

"Maybe I should go talk to her," Sasha says hurriedly, hoping to make Connie forget what she had just said but the way he looks at her tells her that she's not letting her off the hook anytime soon.

"Yeah, because you're a much better option than any of us," Jean snickers. "You're probably the one she likes the least because of all of the food you've stolen from her during our training days. Maybe that's the whole reason you want to talk to her in the first place. You're hoping her mood will make it even easier for you to get food from her." His chin rests on his hand and he smiles at Sasha smugly as if he's figured her all out.

She'll admit that that's the reason why she noticed in the first place. It's been so easy to steal food from Mikasa these past few days but she's insulted that Jean can't imagine her genuinely being worried for her comrade. Angry, she stands up. "I'm going to talk to her," she says, glaring at Jean.

Both Jean and Connie are startled. "Right now?" Connie asks.

"Yep!" she says, taking her dinner with her.

She can feel their eyes following her as she sits down across from Mikasa. Both Armin and Mikasa look up. Armin looks surprised but Mikasa looks like she couldn't care less that the bubbly hunter had taken a seat at her table.

"Hi, Sasha," Armin mumbles, forcing a smile on his face. He's probably hurting as much as Mikasa is, Sasha realizes, but at least he's not starving himself. Then again, his gloomy presence is most likely not helping Mikasa in the least bit.

"Jean wants to talk to you," Sasha says to Armin. She doesn't think she can handle both Armin and Mikasa at the same time and Armin has gotten along with Jean despite their differences. Maybe Jean could help him snap out of it while she talks to Mikasa.

Armin points to himself, startled. "He wants to talk to me?" He glances over where Connie and Jean sit and the two boys just stare stupidly and blankly back at him, more interested in watching Mikasa rather than the blonde genius. "He doesn't look like he's expecting me."

"Trust me, he does," Sasha assures him, waving him off.

He looks at her doubtfully but eventually does get up and leave, much to her relief.

When Mikasa sees that she's alone with Sasha, she sighs but doesn't say anything.

"Hi, Mikasa," Sasha says cheerfully. She usually counts on her chipper attitude to lighten the mood but she feels as if making the atmosphere around Mikasa less gloomy is an impossible feat. "Are you enjoying dinner?"

Mikasa picks at her food, moving around her plate with her fork. "It's okay," she responds.

Sasha notices that the food does look like it's been nibbled at a little bit but it mostly just looks as if Mikasa just pushed it around her plate a lot. The meat is cut up and spread apart making it seem as though it's been mostly eaten but Sasha suspects that Mikasa has only taken a bite of it at the very most. "The potatoes are good," Sasha says, desperately to talk about anything. "I mean, they're a little salty but they're better than usual."

"Hm."

"And the meat isn't dry this time!"

"Hm."

It's so frustrating talking to her. It's like talking to a tree or something, some sort of object that you know is alive but just can't or won't interact with you no matter how much you talk at it. "Come on, Mikasa, you've got to eat something. Armin's eaten more than you at dinner than all of your meals combined today and that guy eats like a mouse!"

"I've been eating," Mikasa says stiffly but the way that she avoids Sasha's gaze shows that she's lying. "I'm just not particularly hungry right now."

Sasha sighs. "Look, I know you miss Eren," she says quietly. She was hoping to avoid talking about Eren altogether but it seems like the only way to talk to Mikasa is to speak about things directly instead of beating around the bush. "We all miss him but not eating isn't going to help us get him back any faster."

"This food just tastes like garbage," Mikasa mumbles under her breath. She sounds like the captain for a second but Sasha decides this thought is best kept unsaid.

"It's better than nothing. If you don't eat, you won't be at your top form. Your movements will be sluggish and your reactions will be slow. You don't want that, do you?"

"Hm." It's the same response but the way she says it is different. She's fiddling with her food again but she actually looks like she's contemplating the thought of eating it instead of just picking it apart on her plate to make like she ate something. Sasha takes this as a sign of improvement even if the progress seems miniscule.

She's not really sure what else to do at this point but she has an idea and begins to tear her meat in half and then slapped it onto Mikasa's plate rather messily. Sasha ignores Mikasa's confused expression and sits back, a smile on her face. "Go on! Eat it. You can half of my meat. You can't not eat food that someone gives you! That'd be rude."

Mikasa's a little speechless for a while but then a grin spreads across her face. "This is supposed to be half?" she asks, stabbing the meat with her fork and bringing it up to inspect it closer. "This is more like a quarter of your share."

Sure enough the slab of meat on Sasha's plate is a whole lot bigger than the portion on Mikasa's and Sasha can't help but feel a little bit embarrassed. "Well, I factored in the pep talk from earlier when I was splitting it up so what I gave you is generous enough," she mumbles.

"Hm," Mikasa says again, but she nibbles at the beef that Sasha had given her. She's by no means happy right now but her expression is less blank than it was before and Sasha is happy to see Mikasa making an effort to eat her food.

By the end of mealtime Mikasa's plate is pretty much cleaned off. It's probably the first time Sasha has been happy about food that hasn't gone to her. She's not thinking of sharing meals with anyone again anytime soon but, damn, sharing her food feels pretty good.

[verratensduo]

The depths of one’s guilt/drabble(one shot)

Rules of the drabble

Likes and reblogs are okay, reposts are not

Do not steal my work and claim it as you own

This is nothing personal, these rules just exist to protect my writing from thieves. Tagging people who would like to read, or I hope would enjoy it. Oh and spoiler warning for anyone who does not want spoilers.

 @oilyraven @eren–gayger @likeahbraus @definitely-not-normal  @sugirandom @behutend @gemma53 @amusewonderland @freckledbodtsoldier @glitchcloud @speek-the-unknown @horsefaced-demon-from-hell @unfortunxtesoldier @bisexual-nishinoya @starrysparklesandshit @raw-ravioli @flxgelderfreiheit @deimpetueux @timid-warrior @salbelni

I hope you all enjoy this.

~Drabble start~

Everyone had surrounded Armin. The blond had just eaten Bertholdt and obtained the power of, presumably, the Colossal Titan. At least so logic would stand to reason. Eren ran right to him, hugging Armin’s body near his. He couldn’t believe this had happened. His best friend in the world, had almost died. Thankfully Levi had gotten some titan serum into him, at the cost of commander Erwin Smith’s life. So many people where surrounding Armin as they waited for the blond to wake. They wanted to know exactly how it felt to become a titan shifter, and what he remembered from the events leading up to it. Would he remember anything at all?

Everyone jumped when Armin suddenly woke up all panicky. He thrashed about as if in some sort of danger. It took both Eren and Mikasa to finally calm him down and get him into a sitting position. He sat there with a look of complete and total horror on his face.  As if he had witnessed a life time of atrocities within the last few minutes alone. Eren was completely and totally shocked by all of this. And he wasn’t the only one, Jean’s face grew  paler by second, especially after the horrible revelation about how Marco died.

The poor boy had overheard Reiner and Bertholdt talking about how Bertholt had done a good job at kicking the wall down. They tried to pass it off as a joke, but the freckled male hadn’t bought it. They stole his three d maneuver gear and left him for dead. After hearing that, both Eren and Jean shot off in opposite directions, tears streaming down their cheeks. Neither seemed to intend to return to the group at any point.

“Eren! Jean!” Armin and Connie yelled simultaneously, preparing to shoot off after them in pursuit of their angered and sorrowed comrades. They where not about to let them be devoured by the titans in a weakened emotional state. 

Levi stepped in front of them. “Enough both of you, Eren and Jean are big boys. They can take care of themselves,  They need time, not pity and people telling them not to mourn or trying to keep them from being human. They both have excellent awareness, leave them be for now.” The boys didn’t protest. They knew Levi had a point. Eren and Jean had always been more independent, but nobody had seen Eren actually legitimately cry out of anything other than anger before, and those sure as hell didn’t look like angry tears. 

The brunet landed on a roof, alone thankfully. He now allowed sobs to accompany those tears. He was feeling a mix of emotions. Anger, fear, hatred, sorrow, guilt, and several others he could not quite describe even if he tried.

“Damn it! If only I hadn’t lost control of my titan form, if only I had been stronger, or quicker, if only I had not been so careless I could have prevented his death! He would be safe with the MP right now!” Eren yelled pounding his fist to the roof tears rolling faster with more sobs between.

He started to get a familiar feeling in his stomach, working it’s way up to his throat. “Oh god, not now, any time but now.” He thought as he tried to hold it back.

His tears, however, had other and quite different plans for Eren, and they definitely where not what he wanted. He went to sob, but it turned into a heave. And out it came.

The vile, disgusting, offensive taste of his own vomit filled his mouth. He coughed between moments, tears still flowing hot, with some sort of emotion which he could not describe with his own limited vocabulary, darn  his bad eye site and lack of time to actually study. He wished he could describe this, despite the vile taste in his mouth and the constant pain of pushing the vomit out of his system.

He was relieved when that torture finally came to an end. His tears kept rolling, an d he sobbed, the after taste was unbearable, it only made this memory worse. He was now thinking back to every one that had died because of him.

“Mom, I was to weak to move the wood piece. Thomas Wagner, Mina Carolina, Mylius Zeramuski, and Nac Tias, I led them to their deaths with my terrible leadership. Petra Ral, Eld Jinn, Gunter Schultz, and Olou Bozado, I killed them with my indecisiveness. And now I know, Marco Bodt, I killed with my lack of control.” His thoughts echoed as he continued to cry and sob, another dry heave and more vomit came out, just chemicals this time, he had nothing left in  his stomach to push out.

He managed to stop again, still sobbing, and barely able to keep his body from collapsing down into his own vomit. The scene really looked quite grotesque, there where tears dropping into the vomit Eren was almost laying face first in, and there was mucus leaking out of his nose, running down his face, dripping from his chin to the roof. Almost as if he where a walking bag of contamination he was releasing every disgusting nose and mouth fluid known to man. Ironic, as he hadn’t ever gotten sick since before he joined the cadet corps, probably thanks to the effects of the titan serum on his body.

“Oh quite it Eren. That is more than enough, on top of making a mess, you look like a mess.” A familiar voice sounded behind him, causing him to freeze up. He processed the sound of the voice, it took a few moments, but he turned around, his face looked like hell, it was disgusting, eyes red from crying, mucus on it, vomit had splashed onto his cheeks. “Clean your face up while you are at it.” The person standing before him continued.

Eren wiped his face as instructed, not like his clothes had feelings, but his eyes where glued to the face standing above. “N-No....it....it isn’t possible.....y-you can’t be here......Y-You died back in Trost.” Eren thought, but was unable to speak. He looked at that face, a face that he could never get out of his memory, not that he would ever want to forget it.

“M-Marco!” Eren ran at the freckled male to hug him. Maybe this was all just a horrible nightmare, maybe he would wake up and be in his barracks, with Thomas, Armin, and Marco trying to wake him up for combat training, something which was the only thing he was the best in, but was always late for it. Then, he went right through the freckled male. 

Marco sighed. “Eren, I am happy to see you too, but unfortunately you cannot hug a ghost. It is most impossible. I am not made of hard material anymore. I was bitten in half in Trost remember?”

Eren felt his eyes water again. “I know, I just got hopeful that somehow this had all been a horrible nightmare, and that it would end very soon. I guess I have no such luck.”

Marco had a hard facial expression, something that appeared almost foreign to Eren. Then the ghost spoke again. “Eren, do you have any clue why I am here? Any clue what I have to say to you?” 

Eren’s knees started to knock together. Fear was evident in his eyes, and tears started to roll again.  “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lose control Marco. I know you should be here, just like my mother, just like Thomas, Mina, Mylius, Nac, Petra, Eld, Gunter, and Olou. I’m sorry. You deserved better than what you got. You all did.” He whimpered.

“Eren, shut up.” Marco gave him a harsh look. “My death is not even a fraction of why I am here.” The freckled ghost had another purpose entirely for this little surprise visit. Which of course left Eren wondering what this blast from the past meant. It was a few moments of a silence before the void would once again be filled. “Eren, I am here because of what you said, taking the weight of those deaths, including my own on your shoulders. It isn’t healthy, it will harm you, not help you.”

Eren had only a broken, defeated look in his eyes. As if he had given up a fight on his inside a long time ago and just accepted it. “But they are my fault Marco. My mom died because that would plank, and my inability to move it. Thomas, Mina, Mylius, and Nac died because I led them right to the slaughter like lambs. You died because I could not control my titan form. Petra, Eld, Gunter, and Olou all died because of my indecisiveness, it is very much so my fault Marco.” The answer was almost....rehearsed, as if he had practiced saying this before. 

“Eren that is not it at all!” Was the snappy reply from the freckled ghost. How could Eren think like this?

“It is Marco! I could have saved all of them. If I had just been stronger, smarter, faster, smarter....”

Marco could only feel frustration as Eren said this. “Eren that is only partially true, is it possible you could have saved us in that case? Yes, but you’ll never know now! Stop living in what if.”

Eren shook his head. “I would have! There is no way I wouldn’t have!”

Marco closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He had hoped not to take this. “Okay Eren, I will tell you what I really think, are you sure you want to hear it?”

The titan shifter’s eyes said no, but his mouth wished to tell a different story. “Yes, please Marco. I need to know.”

The ghost’s expression suddenly changed, and became dark. “I do think it is all your fault Eren. Tell me Eren, why did I have to die? Why did I have to die instead of you? Why did your squad have to die for you Eren? Why did your mom have to die for you? Why couldn’t you just give in and die? Why did so many others have to take or your place? Why couldn’t you have just stayed dead? Why did so many have to die trying to help you?”

Eren felt tears rolling faster now. So this was how Marco really felt.....at least he was being honest, even if it was brutally so.

The expression became harsher as the fallen freckled cadet continued. “I think you are the worst kind of person  Eren, a coward that fakes bravery. I was one too, the difference is I didn’t let people die for me, or lead people to death senselessly.  If I am being honest, I hate you Eren Yeager.”

Eren was bawling at this point. Once again he was a total mess. “Why would you say that? Marco, please, please, please, please, please don’t hate me!” He pleaded with the freckled angel? Ghost? What ever the heck he was now.

The ghost face palmed. Of course, Eren was not all that bright, he should have known that reverse psychology would never work with Eren. This was a stupid mistake that he could not afford to repeat.

“No Eren, I did not mean that. I am sorry. I was just trying to get you to see how stupid you sound. I promise I don’t hate you.” The freckled one tried to console the shifter as he started to fade.

“I don’t have much time left, I should have told you sooner, but here, this is a message, from all of us. Dwelling on the what ifs was never meant to be done, please, for all of us, especially your mother, try to stop blaming yourself for our deaths.” Marco pleaded.

“I-I will.” Eren said tears rolling down his cheeks again. He would ask for more time, or to see his mother, but that would be selfish of him. They where supposed to be resting for a reason, their time in hell was over, so now they got to sleep in the stars.

Soon the ghost was gone, as if it had never been there. All that stood on that roof now, was Eren Yeager, staring at the sky as the rain came to wash away the filth his fit had left behind, and washing away all evidence that Eren had ever been crying, or that he talked to anyone.

[millicent231-watt]

(AoT) Obsessed - Eren X Yandere!Reader

Anime / Crossover: Attack on Titan

Songs: None

Request: None

Modern AU: No

------------------------------------------------------------------

"EREN!!" I say happily as I jump onto his back. "Wa...watch it, Y/N!" He stutters as we fall to the floor. I laugh happily and apologise. "Sorry, sorry. I just can't help myself, you're so easy to target." I wipe my tears and look around. "Huh? Mikasa and Armin aren't with you?" He stands up and rubs his back. "Their off training right now." He's alone? I smile and grab his hand quickly. "Then let's go somewhere!" I run off and pull him behind me. "Ch...chotto matte!"

I laugh happily as I pull him up onto a hill I had found lately. He'll love this! I know it! "Here we are!" I say as let go of his hand and fall back on the soft grass. "How did you find this place, Y/N?" He likes it! I smile and sit up next to him. "The Corporal gave me some time off because I had done a good job cleaning my room. I had a look around the place for a little bit before I found this." He sits down next to me and I smile happily. I've had a crush on him since I saw him on the 104th squad. "Eren!" I hear Armin yell out from the bottom of the hill. Damn-it! Why can't they just leave us alone?! "Oh, hey Armin. Hey Mikasa!" I look at Eren from the corner of my eyes. You never look that happy when it's just us.

"Is training already over?" He asks as his childhood friends, who nodded at his enquiry. It doesn't take long for Mikasa to notice I'm there as well. We glare at each other while the two boys talk. "Buzz off, Y/N. You're a trouble maker and we don't need to be associated with you." I slyly smirk at her as I get an idea. "Eeeereenn~" I playfully sing as I grab his upper arm, trapping it. "Y/N! I told you not to trap my arm in between your boobs!" He protests, but I just laugh and pull his arm closer. I smirk at Mikasa evilly as Eren closes his eyes and sighs. See? Eren likes me better, so get lost!

Skip to dinner time

"Eren~" I say happily as I run over to his table. "Oh, hey Y/N. Sit down." He's inviting me to sit with him! "O...okay..." I stutter as I sit down next to him and across from horse face, Connie and Sasha. "Hey, guys!" Armin walks over with Mikasa, both with a tray of food. His gaze falls onto and his face shows disgust and disappointment. "Oh, hey Y/N..." He mumbles as they sit on Erens Left side, while I'm seated on the right. Tea goes by surprisingly quickly with Eren making small talk and horse face trying to use pick up lines on Mikasa.

"So I see you ignored me completely, Y/N." Mikasa speaks up, leaving everyone but me silent and surprised by her sudden action. "I don't remember what you said. I usually ignore people who I don't care about." I reply coldly, staring her straight in her humiliated and angered eyes. "You should listen once in a while, maybe then you won't be so dim-witted and idiotic!" I gasp and sharpen my gaze on her. I open my mouth to reply but I get cut off by my superior. "If you brats are going to fight, at least take it outside. I just cleaned this place and I don't want anyone messing it up." The rest of the cadets look over to the unimpressed Corporal, but Mikasa and I keep our eye glued on each other. "Fine." We say together as we push ourselves up from the table and storm outside.

We stood meters away from each other, staring at each other intently, like a Mexican Stand-off in an old western movie. "I told you, you're trouble. We don't want you around. Leave us alone!" Mikasa says angrily. The other cadets had run outside to watch us. "I'm afraid I can't do that. There's no way I'll ever leave Eren, especially not with you!" I spit back as I grab the knife out of the belt wrapped around my thigh. "You're crazy! I'm the only one who can look after him without having to be some creepy stalker!" She yells as she picks up a thick, large stick. "YOU CAN'T LOOK AFTER EREN! YOU COULDN'T EVEN SAVE YOUR OWN PARENTS! NOT EVEN YOUR FOSTER MOTHER!" I yell angrily before I charge at her.

"You're insane!" She yells as she blocks my attack. "Y/N!" I hear Eren yell out from behind me. I turn my head around to face him, a sweet smile spreading across my face. "Yes, Eren?" I ask before getting struck in the stomach and being thrown back. "Shit...." I groan as I grab my stomach at the pain. "Do you see now? You're insane!" I laugh at her, my eyes stretch open beyond humanly possible and a wide grin covers my face. "I'M INSANE? You're the one that kicked me!" I laugh, insanity coursing through my veins, but I couldn't care less, as long as Eren was safe and happy with me. "MIKASA!" He yells out, more desperately than he yelled out for me. I growl in anger and pounce at her again, managing to slash her cheek, causing her to wince in pain and cover her cheek with her hand.

"Y/N! Stop this.....please..." I hear Eren plead as his voice gets closer. "Why? I'm just protecting you, Eren." I say happily as I slowly push my knife into Mikasa's thigh. She screams out in pain, I smile. "You always blocked and dismissed Eren's dreams, you blocked him from me!" I yell angrily as I push the knife deeper. "I won't allow you to hurt Eren anymore!" I scream as I quickly pull out the knife and held it above my head. "Y/N!!!" Eren yell desperately, but I still plunge my hands down towards Mikasa. Something stops me though, grabbing my wrist. I get thrown across the grass and onto my back. "Don't endanger other Cadets, you shit-head." I hear a monotone voice say. I glare up at the voice and block out the sun with my hand.

"Get out of my way, shorty." I warn him as I stand up and look down on him. I get kicked once again, but I keep my balance. "Is that any way to talk to your superiors, you brat?" I growl and grab my knife off the grass. "I will kill anyone who tries to hurt Eren! No one will get in my way, and if they do, they die as well." I jump at Captain Levi, with the knife in hand and pointed at him. I scream in anger as I thrust my knife towards him, but he jumps out of the way. "Are you crazy?! Trying to kill Heichou!" Eren yells at me, anger seeping through his voice. "B..but" "SHUT UP!" He yells, cutting me off and causing tears to form in my eyes. "It's best if you just keep away from us." What? "Matte, Eren..." I reach my hand out to his slowly disappearing figure. "Don't come near me or my friends again." My tears hit to ground like raindrops as everybody walked towards the base.

"Cadet!" Captain yells at me, also sounding quite angered. "You are no longer welcome on the Survey Corps. Commander Erwin has already made arrangements for you to join the Garrison Regiment. You're leaving now." "But..." "You're not packing anything!" He yells again, causing me to jump. "My squad, on her." He flicks his wrist towards me and I'm shackled, carried towards a cart and thrown inside. I'll get you Mikasa..... I'll kill you, I'LL KILL YOU! I sharpen my snarl. I can't let you get between me and Eren again.... I WON'T let you get between us again.

3 years later

I growl as I take a sip of the shitty soup served to the soldiers of the Garrison Regiment. "What's wrong with her?" I hear one of the new recruits whisper from across the room. "Word is she got kick out of the Survey Corps and had to come here." I hear another hushed voice say. The voice was so quiet that usually normal people wouldn't be able to hear it, but I had heightened all my senses after meeting Eren, so I could always protect him. "Yeah, I heard she killed almost half of the scouts!" That's not fucking true! "Really? Well, I heard she almost killed the Commander!" That's not true either! "You're both wrong! She got kicked out because she went insane and tried to kill every one of the people present."

I slam my hands onto the table and push myself up off the shitty, wooden, splinter-ridden chair. I slowly turn my head towards the 3 boys talking shit about me and glare angrily. "None of that is FUCKING TRUE!" I yell as I stride closer to them, causing them to shiver and whimper in fear. "Th...that's why th....they're rumours....hehehe..." I widen my eyes and step back a little. Tha...that's Mikasa's laugh! I squint my eyes and grab out a sharp butcher knife that happened to be sitting close by. "He...Hey...what are you going to do with that?" I could hear them shaking in their boots. I laugh as my mind fades away from me and all logical thinking is out of the question. "I'm going to kill you, obviously." I say with a grin on my face.

A few hours later

"No.... no... NO!" I cut the throat of the last person standing in my way. I watch in amusement as Dot Pixis body falls limp and hits the floor. "Ere.....must....protect.....Eren!" I start my journey toward the Survey Corps base.

A few MORE hours later

"And then Petra run straight into the door!" I hear Hange say before a riot of laughter erupted from behind the dining room door. "Eh....e.....er.....eren...eren..." I giggle happily as I push open the door slowly, causing a creaking sound to fill the dining room. Everyone's head turned to the door and then my face notices my features had become visible. "Y/N. We all thought you were on the Garrison Regiment for the time being." Hange chuckles nervously, in an attempt to break the silence I had created. "How can I be with the Garrison Regiment if there's no one left?" I ask as my left eye twitches. "Y...Y/N...c...calm down, okay?" The worry was showing in Petra's voice as I walked further into the room. My arm dropped from in front of me to my side. "C...can you tell us what you did?" She asks next to me, where her designated seat was.

"I killed them.....I KILLED THEM ALL!" I laugh happily, gripping the handle of the knife tighter. "Wh...Why did you do it?" I look down at her seriously, eyes wide open. "They were in my way..... they were spreading rumours.... they hated me..." I end coldly as I look forward again, seeing the terrified faces of the soldiers. Through the sea of people, I see exactly who I wanted to see. Mikasa. I begin to walk forward again, my bare feet slapping hard against the cold, stone floor. I had abandoned my shoes quite some time ago, on my way here. "Mi-ka-sa~" I playfully hum before someone grabs my arm. I flick my head around to face a strangers face. A new recruit, maybe? I lift the knife into the air quickly and bring it down twice as fast, cutting his whole forearm off.

His screams run through the dead quiet halls and rooms of the Survey Corp old Headquarters. I turn back around and continue to walk towards Mikasa, only to get stopped again. I do the same thing and chop off the arm of the cadet trying to stop me. "If you're all trying to stop, I guess I have no choice then." I say, deadpan. I walk through the horde of cadets, slicing and cutting off various parts of their bodies, ultimately killing them. Some of them didn't even try to stop me, but I killed them anyway because I know they'd try to stop me later on. "MI-KA-SA~" I say, insanity clearly shown through my plastered smile.

Eren's POV

Y/N walked through the piles and piles of dead bodies she had created, she was heading towards Mikasa! Why aren't the superiors doing anything?! I look past Y/N over to where Levi's squad sat and say fear stuck on their faces, even Captain! "MIKAAAAASAAAA~" Y/N chimes and I snap my head towards Mikasa who was frozen stiff. Is she so scared, that she can't move? "Eren....." I snap my head towards Armin's voice behind me, only to see he was sitting still as well. "Do something...." He whispers to me, his voice cracking multiple times throughout his attempt to speak. I look back to Y/N quickly, jumping back a little as she had gotten a lot closer.

What can I do? Without thinking I do the one thing I know will stop her, for the time being at least. "Y/N!" I yell out to her. Stopping her movement, she slowly looks to me. "Yes, Eren?" She says happily, a sweet smile showing. It was a nice smile compared to her psychotic one. "D...Don't do this." I plead, but she only giggles. "But I'm protecting you, Eren. Didn't I always say I would." I shake at her smile as she begins to walk again. She did always say that.....but this is going too far! "H....Heichou!" I yell out to him desperately. I hear a low growl, but it wasn't coming from Captain. It was coming from Y/N. She spins around and walks towards the door slowly. Thank god! I sigh happily to myself and smile to Armin, who gave me a thumbs up.

I hear the sound of her footsteps stop I turn back around, worried. "Is this your beloved Heichou, Eren?" My breathing hitches and my eyes widen once more when I see her holding the struggling short man, with the knife to his neck. "H....heichou..." My voice squeaks out and before I know it Y/N was covered in different shades of red. "I...if Heichou couldn't beat her.....how can we?" Hange and the rest of the team screamed and cowered in fear as Y/N walked around the table, killing them one by one. "There, now only two people stand in my way." She scowls in our direction and begins to walk over, that is until the door opens and I see the Commanders smiling face. "Good evening everybo...d...." His sentence drops as he opens his eyes, seeing all his friends and comrades dead.

"I'll correct myself then, three people stand in my way." Y/N growls as she lunges at the Commander, but being as tall as he is it makes it harder for him to dodge the knife flying at his head. I whimper and shake in fear as his head rolls down and taps my feet lightly. "Only two now." Y/N says happily before swiftly running towards poor, innocent little Armin and plunging the knife deep into his heart. "One to go~" She hums happily as she skips over to Mikasa's shaking body. Why aren't I stopping her?! What can't I move my body to stop her?! "Any last words, Mikasa?" She chuckles as she runs the flat side of the knife against Mikasa's neck. "Don't be sad, Eren. It's not you fau-" He sentence was cut off by the gurgling noise of her mouth filling with blood.

Y/N remove the knife and stabs Mikasa's now lifeless body in the heart, letting the knife stick out of her chest. "See? Now we can be happy together!" She smiles at me as she kicks Mikasa's corpse off the chair and sits in her place. My breathing refused to return to normal as she looked at me. "No one will get in our way EVER again. We'll be together forever! Won't that be fun Eren?" She asks me happily and I just nod my head, fearing that if said no she'd surely kill me too. "Great! We can make this place our home! Come on! Let's get to renovating and decorating!" She grabs my hand and pulls me away from, what used to be, my friends.

What have I done?