#getting forced to talk to people is not fun

[anghraine]

While I'm in my Star Trek (The Original Series) downspiral, I thought it would be fun to propose a poll of random details mentioned in TOS specifically.

The episodes each factoid comes from:

Kirk the tough teacher -> Where No Man Has Gone Before (S1)

Spock's shame over his feelings for Kirk -> The Naked Time (S1)

The Uhura/Chapel kiss -> What Are Little Girls Made Of (S1)

Kirk refusing to convert to Hellenic(/ancient alien) polytheism because he's a firm monotheist -> Who Mourns for Adonais? (S2)

McCoy honoring the privacy of the hot lady of the week's disability -> Is There In Truth No Beauty? (S3)

Uhura talking about how she's always found it calming to listen to Kirk over the loudspeaker -> Plato's Stepchildren (S3)

The Gorn Did Nothing Wrong -> Arena (S1)

Spock hasn't had a father-son relationship with Sarek for 18 years (or visited his parents for 4) -> Journey to Babel (S2)

Sulu and Chekov don't believe in just following orders -> Turnabout Intruder (S3)

Kirk was a 13-year-old genocide survivor -> The Deadly Years (S2) / The Conscience of the King (S1)

McCoy gets married to the priestess Natira, one of the few female authority figures who is capable and noble and survives and gains full leadership of her people, and Kirk promises to help him visit her periodically -> For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky (S3)

Spock is finally convinced that his thoughts are being influenced by outside forces because he voluntarily ate meat -> All Our Yesterdays (S3)

[fangirl-erdariel]

One thing that sometimes bugs me in the comparisons to Tolkien is that - it's not even like Tolkien's works are entirely devoid of sexual violence?? Like. He doesn't go into graphic detail on it, it's not something Tolkien has in central focus. But it most definitely is there. (And hey, Tolkien also doesn't go into detail on non-sexual violence if he doesn't need to)

More specific examples and rambling on the topic under the cut, bc this got long on what is already a long post

It really doesn't take a particularly attentive reader to figure out Wormtongue's intentions and desires regarding Éowyn, for instance; like yeah he never lays a hand on her as far as we know, but the threat of what could have happened if he'd gotten his way is... pretty obvious

And Silmarillion has its share of male characters desiring women (or the political power of those women's families, depending) and attempting (sometimes succeeding) to force them into marriage. I don't feel like getting involved in the debate of whether Aredhel initially not being "wholly unwilling" to marry Eöl and stay in Nan Elmoth disqualifies her from the list or whether the amount of coercion involved is enough to still make it count.

But Lúthien most definitely is kidnapped against her will, and though she escapes before anything happens, Celegorm's intention explicitly was to marry her whether she wanted or not. Upon seeing Lúthien, Morgoth, the evil dark lord "conceived in his thought an evil lust, and a design more dark than any that had yet come into his heart", and I think we all can figure out what that is (and his lines in the Lay of Leithian, talking of Lúthien as "a pretty toy for idle hour" and speaking about kissing and then bruising and crushing pretty flowers... it's not particularly subtle), even if once again he doesn't get to actually do so.

And there's Maeglin, who desires Idril, and who is promised "the possession of Idril" as reward for betraying the location of the hidden realm of Gondolin, "and indeed desire for Idril -- led Maeglin the easier to his treachery"

And in the children of húrin bit there's Aerin of the folk of Hador whom the invader lord Brodda takes as wife against her will. And then of course there's Míriel of Númenor, whom her cousin Pharazôn forcibly marries in order to seize her throne that is rightfully there

All those are just what I can think of off the top of my head; I'm sure there'd be more examples if I cared to go digging through the material, but I can't be bothered

So, like. Yeah. Sure. Tolkien doesn't really ever use the word "rape" for the things that happen (he seems to mainly use that word in the more archaic meaning of large-scale destruction and/or robbery by violent means, rather than in its modern definition). And in Lúthien and Idril's cases, of course ultimately nothing happens, they escape and all. And as noted, Aredhel's case is more debatable since she wasn't "wholly unwilling". But still.

I'm pretty dang sure that Tolkien understood that a woman being married against her will would be subjected to sexual violence, and is assuming that to be the reader's understanding of the situation when those cases come up. Gríma's, Morgoth's, and Maeglin's intentions towards the women they desire are definitely to be understood as violent and with no care towards what the women in question want (and at least in Morgoth's case, judging by Lay of Leithian, even actively delighting in the idea of doing it by force to an unwilling victim)

And just. I don't know. It kind of bugs me when people act like Tolkien's setting and works are unrealistic because they're devoid of sexual violence? Like. Well first of all, as earlier posters in the thread have pointed out, massive amounts of sexual violence aren't necessarily realistic to begin with. But like also it is a thing that does happen in the setting too... I don't even mean this as a like "oh isn't it so fun doesn't this make the books so much more adult" or anything, and I understand people who enjoy Tolkien's books because it doesn't have like explicit rape scenes the way some other authors do. I just like... the fact that people keep claiming that sexual violence pretty much doesn't even exist in Middle-Earth, when it very much does, it's just kind of left as a threat and an implication or spoken of in very vague terms, is kind of baffling? Honestly it kinda gives the impression that the person saying it either hasn't read Tolkien since they were thirteen or doesn't actually spend the time to understand what the text they're reading means beyond the most obvious surface level. Or they're deliberately saying something that isn't true because it serves some point they want to make

Like, just because something is not shown explicitly in graphic detail with pages upon pages of description, doesn't mean it's not there in the story or the setting at all? You're supposed to pick up on implications and read between the lines and understand those as deliberate choices from the author and a part of the story and setting too?

Someone over on Discord asked, "I'm morbidly curious: How BAD is A Song of Ice and Fire in terms of the authenticity George claims it to be?"

My reply was straightforward:

The long and the short of it is that ASOIAF is basically a vehicle for GRRM to present both his rape fetish and his Hobbesian view on human nature and has less historical accuracy than Frozen or most other Disney movies.

That's actually a good way to think of it, now that I've said it--he's Family Unfriendly, they're Family Friendly, but both have the same relationship with History: just Pure Aesthetic with no consideration for how the worldbuilding would work.

[darkbluekies]

Can we have more Jerry content please?

"Familiar, like my mirror years ago"

Yandere!female!mafia x reader

Summary: darling getting shot reminds Jerry of memories she can't help but repress, and is now forced to face

Warnings: gore? Blood, lots of it, pain, trauma? In other words, a dark oneshot

Word count: 4.5k

She can’t believe it. The sight is enough to make her sick. Her darling, her only light in this miserable life, lying unreachable in a hospital bed with countless machines connected. How could she ever have let that happened? She’s been sitting by your bed for hours, holding your hand tightly and not looking away. She hasn’t felt a pain like this for a long time, not since her family died. Jerry tries her best to think of something else, but it keeps coming back. 

“Mom and dad are out, I’m supposed to make dinner for us.”

Yuna looks up from her homework and grimaces. She’s still wearing her school uniform. “Then we won’t eat”, she mumbles sulkily. 

“Hey, watch it.”

Yuna laughs. Jerry’s long hair is tied into a loose ponytail. She sits down on the floor beside her younger sister, watching over her while drinking from a juice pouch. Yuna’s much smarter than her, both in school and life, and that’s good enough for Jerry. She doesn’t have to be smart if Yuna is. 

Yuna lifts her head up from her math book. She looks over her shoulder at Jerry. 

“Sister, there’s a boy in my class”, she says, “and I think that he likes me. He asked me to go to the amusement park on friday.”

“Who’s this rat?” Jerry scoffs. 

“He’s the class president.”

“Oh, your academic rival.” Jerry takes a new sip of her juice. “Is he smarter than you?”

“No.”

Jerry smiles and ruffles Yuna’s hair. “I know that’s right. My little sister is the smartest in school.”

Yuna squirms embarrassedly, but her smile exposed her. 

“Before you go out with him I want to meet this little boy of yours”, Jerry says as she bites the straw. “I need to accept him.”

“He’s nice, I promise.”

“I’ll believe that once I see it.”

“Please don’t embarrass me.”

“Embarrass you? Do you think I’m a child?” She thinks for a second. “Don’t answer that.”

Yuna chuckles. 

“What about you, sister?” she asks. “Don’t you have someone that you like?”

Jerry leans her head against the wall. 

“No”, she replies and smiles. “I don’t need one. Well, are you hungry? Should we get some food?”

“What are you going to make?”

“I’m not going to cook, we’ll go out and buy something. If mom and dad doesn’t know we’re eating junk food, they can’t get mad. I’m feeling like tteokbokki or convenience store food, what about you?”

“Street food sounds nice.”

“Good, let’s go.”

Jerry stands up and goes to grab her jacket. Yuna follows. They walk out of the apartment, out onto the lit up street. The stars in the night sky twinkle beautifully. They walk side by side. Yuna’s shorter than Jerry, for now, but she’ll be taller in a year, she’s sure of that. Yuna’s only sixteen. Jerry’s eighteen. Jerry was Yuna’s age when she started doing things she shouldn’t. It had started small with skipping class, then smoking, then tealing lip glosses from the mall. And then it escalated to robbing and assaults. Jerry wondered where she would be if she hadn’t befriended the wrong people. She had never been good in school, not like Yuna, but had been good at PE. But that doesn’t matter. She has a new chance with Yuna now, to make sure that she does everything Jerry didn’t and make sure Yuna doesn’t do the things Jerry did. 

“Look what my friends got me for my birthday”, Yuna says and shows a ‘Kuromi’ plush charm hanging on her bag.

“That’s cute”, Jerry agrees. 

Yuna’s friends are the type of friends a teenage girl should have. They gossip, go out for fun, have sleepovers, late night talks. But Jerry knows that Yuna’s friends are scared of her. Ever since Jerry got kicked out of school, people have been suspecting her of things she has done. But no one has evidence. Yuna knows about the theft and the assaults, but not of the others. Jerry has made sure that no one knows that she has joined a gang. If Yuna knew, she could get hurt. That can’t happen. Yuna does everything right in life, she isn’t supposed to be involved in these things. The gang doesn’t know about Yuna either. That’s for the best. 

Seoul’s streets are empty, apart from a few people walking their dogs or out on walks. They walk to a nearby food market and buy one thing from every food stand before walking to the nearest river and have a picnic. 

“We should have gotten water”, Yuna says. 

“Go put your head into the river”, Jerry chuckles. 

“I washed my hair this morning.”

“Then thirst to death.”

“Can’t you go buy water? Please?”

Jerry sighs and stands up. 

“Fine”, she groans. “Wait here. Don’t eat everything when I’m back.”

Yuna laughs. Jerry grabs her phone and leaves. She walks to the nearest convenience store and gets two bottles of water and two ice creams. The lady behind the counter smiles at her and wishes her a good night. Jerry wishes her back. 

A cold wind brushes past her as she walks back out into the night air. For a moment, it feels like someone is watching her. Jerry looks around, but there’s no one to be seen. She frowns and hurries back to the river. Yuna has eaten all of the sausages. 

“I told you not to eat all of it!” Jerry says. “If you wanted more you should have bought them yourself. And here I got you ice cream, you ungrateful brat.”

“No, please give it to me!” Yuna laughs and reaches for the ice cream. “I'm sorry, sister, please! You can take all the remaining fish cakes, please!”

Jerry pretends to think for a moment.

“Okay”, she says nonchalantly. “I guess that works. Greedy bitch.”

She gives Yuna the ice cream. Yuna laughs and Jerry can't help but smile.

“Do you think life is pre-planned for you?” Yuna asks after a while. “As in, your fate is already decided, it doesn't matter what path you'll take, you'll eventually end up where you should be?’

“I don't know”, Jerry replies and licks her ice cream. “Wouldn't that be kind of sad, though?”

“Why?”

“If your life is already decided for you. You can't change it. What if you don't like the decided fate?”

“But what if the decided fate is the most perfect for you?”

“What would mine be, then?”

Yuna studies her. “I don't know, but I know that it isn't robbing people. I think you'd be a good psychologist.”

Jerry lifts her eyebrows. “Me? Why?”

“You're good at noticing emotions, and feeling them. You know when I'm upset without me even saying anything.”

“That's because I know you … and you're like an open book, wearing your heart on your sleeve.”

“Maybe, but you know how to make me feel better.”

“I don't think I'd be a good psychologist, unfortunately. I'd be a good mechanic, though. I'd be like a doctor but for machines. What about you? What do you think your decided fate is?”

Yuna sighs and looks out over the river. “I don't know”, she says in defeat. “I wish I knew. I want to get good on the CSAT when i have to do that, get into a good university and get a good job … but i don't know what I want to do.”

“You're sixteen, Yuna, you have time to figure it out.”

“You too. You're eighteen. You can choose something better.”

Yuna’s eyes turn to her, full of sorrow. Jerry’s heart aches. She puts her arm around Yuna’s shoulders and leans her head against hers.

“I'll figure it out”, she sighs. “Don't worry about me.”

“But I do. All the time. I love you.”

“I love you too, but you don't have to. I will figure it out. I will.”

Jerry sobs. Her body is breaking into pieces, can feel the flesh rip itself apart.

Please wake up, Y/N. Please. I can't do this.

She should have done more to protect you. She should have learned from her mistakes. She opens her left hand. A small Kuromi plush charm rests in the palm of her hand. The other hand holds onto yours tightly. The little plush stares at her with cute aggression. She wants to bury her sharp nails into its face, claw away the mocking expression. 

You couldn't leave me without a little bully, could you? When you're not here to tease me, this is.

Jerry looks up at your face and feels her body goes cold once again. You look so small, so breakable. She's afraid of squeezing your hand too tightly, worried that she'll snap it in half.

“This is my older sister Yubin.”

Jerry scans the boy up and down. He dresses well, has his hair neatly prince and styled and bows deeply. A real dream for a mother in law.

“Nice to meet you”, he says. 

Yuna pulls Jerry to the side.

“Please, can I go with him?” she whispers.

Jerry glances towards him. He twiddles with his fingers

“Okay”, Jerry gives in. “I’ll come get you at eight.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to make sure you get home safely.”

She watches her sister leave the apartment with her arms crossed over her chest.

“He seemed like a nice boy”, her mom says behind her. 

“Yeah, let’s hope that, for his sake”, Jerry mutters and walks into her room, closing the door behind her. 

She keeps herself occupied by watching a cheesy drama in bed while eating snacks. Every now and then she glances at the clock on her phone, waiting for it to be the right time.

After four episodes—and not a single kiss yet—it's finally time for her to get moving. Jerry gets out of bed and grabs her jacket. She gives her mom and dad a quick ‘goodbye’ before exiting the apartment. The evening air is crisp, the music blasting in her earpods. Her ears are always surprised by the sound, either heavy rap with skillful execution or upbeat bubblegum pop. 

She walks through lit up streets full of students taking advantage of the fact that there is no school tomorrow. Fridays being out the wildest in even the calmest of teenagers. Jerry should know.

Suddenly, the feeling of being watched enters her body again. She doesn’t stop to look around, doesn’t want to give any potential stalkers the knowledge that she’s aware. Jerry shakes it off, she always feels watched. She’s paranoid. 

She sees Yuna and the boy stand outside the gates of the amusement park. Jerry walks up to them, hands in her pockets. Yuna smiles and waves goodbye to the boy.

“I had so much fun!” she tells her as they walk.

“I can tell”, Jerry says, trying to sound unbothered but the way her lip curls upwards exposes her. “So, how much money did you waste?”

“None, actually. He paid for everything.”

Jerry raises her eyebrows in surprise.

“Oh?” She can't hide her surprise. “He did?” But quickly composes herself. “As he should.”

“I feel bad though, he spent so much money trying to win me a stuffed animal at those machines, you know? The ones with a claw? But I think they're rigged.”

“Of course they are.”

Yuna yawns and leans against her older sister. Jerry chuckles and wraps her arm around her shoulders.

“What?” she questions. “Are you tired now?”

“Yes”, she replies. “Can you carry me?”

“Fuck no, you can walk by yourself.”

“Please?”

Yuna clings onto her and stops walking. Jerry groans and lifts her up on her back, piggyback carrying her. Yuna hugs her neck.

“I think I like that boy”, she mumbles with a smile.

“If he ever hurts you I'm breaking his neck, you know that, right?” Jerry says. “No one hurts my sister.”

Yuna hugged her neck tighter. “No one gets to hurt my sister either.”

Her heart breaks. Jerry has moved away from the bed and sat down beside the window, looking out over the city. The sky is dark, lights twinkling everywhere, like stars.

There's a knock on the door. Jerry looks over, eyes swollen from all crying. Her boss walks in with a bodyguard behind him. In his hands is a colorful flower bouquet, surrounded by soft, pinkish gift paper. He glances at you before turning his eyes to Jerry.

“I came as soon as I heard”, he says and places the flowers on the chair by the bed. “How are they?”

“I don't know”, Jerry says quietly, voice not reaching more than a broken whisper. "Nobody knows.”

Her boss takes a deep breath. He's much more careful than Jerry has ever seen him. 

“If there's anything I can do, don't hesitate to let me know, ‘kay?” he says.

“Kill that coward”, she says coldly. “No, don't. Save him for me.”

“I will.”

Jerry makes the mistake of turning her eyes towards you. Your poor soul. Her boss walks over to her and, to her surprise, puts his arms around her. He has never hugged her. In the four years she's known him, he has never hugged her. She has to control herself to not break out into childish sobs again.

“I really love them”, slips out of her before she can stop herself. “Oh, fuck, what do i do?”

“You don't do anything”, her boss says. “You'll stay here and watch over them and I'll do the rest.”

He leaves shortly after, wanting Jerry to have time to herself. She can't cry in front of him, and crying is exactly what she needs.

She walks to the bed and picks up the flowers. There's a little card attached to the gift paper. Jerry opens it.

“Get well soon, Y/N, the entire organization is sending its wishes for you to heal quickly and come back to Jerry — M.”

Jerry smiles slightly. She places the bouquet in her water bottle.

A small noise is heard from the bed and she turns to see you slowly, but surely, open your eyes. Jerry feels her heart stop. She throws herself forward, getting closer to the bed.

“Y/N, babe, I'm here”, she breathes out. “Babe.”

Your eyes seem to not be able to register anything in the bright light, but as they move to see where the sound is coming from, they pupils seem to grow. They fill with tears. Jerry turns your cheek with a trembling hand and wipes it.

“It's okay, baby”, she whispers. “It's okay.”

“Jerry …”, you croak out.

She nods. Tears filled her eyes. She squeezes your hand tighter.

“My pretty baby”, she sniffles and wipes your tears. 

“It feels weird.”

“You have machines connected to you, that's why it feels weird. But they're there to help you.”

“How am I alive?”

“I don't know … it's a miracle.”

She must have someone on her side, a guardian angel … or someone that has seen it all before and couldn’t let it happen again. Jerry looks down at the little Kuromi plush in her hand, heart sinking. 

“I never thought that i would be shot”, you admit. 

“It’s my fault”, Jerry says. “I should never have let it happen. I’m an idiot … but fuck, am I happy you are alive. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t woken up.”

You look around the room, eyes stopping at the flowers. 

“Did you get those?” you ask. 

“No, my boss did”, she replies and takes out the card. “He even wrote a little message for you.”

She reads it out loud to you and breathes out in relief at your small smile. 

“I must be the first person to get that kind of message”, you joke weakly. 

“You are”, Jerry says and takes a risk at a joke. “I hope that you’re grateful, because you won’t get another one unless you die.”

“I’m not planning on it.”

Jerry smiles and caresses your cheek. “That’s my baby. You’re not dying for a long while, and I’m going to make sure of it.”

You notice the plush in her other hand. 

“What’s that?” you ask. 

Your weak hand reaches for hers, trying to get a better look at the Kuromi figurine. Jerry feels her heart stop, her body turn to ice. You knew that she had a sister before and that something happened, but not what happened, or where she is now. Too stunned to react, you’re able to take the little plush out of her hands. You hold it carefully, turning it around to get a good look at it. 

“It fits you”, you say quietly, smiling slightly.

“It wasn’t mine from the start”, slips out of her, breathlessly and unfamiliar to her. “It’s not actually mine.”

“Did you steal it from someone?” 

If only.

“No”, she says slowly. “I didn’t. It was my sister’s.”

You pull your eyes away from the charm and look at her. She has gone pale by now and stares empty in front of her. The stare reminds you of soldiers who’s seen too much and you apologize for bringing it up. 

“You don’t have to apologize”, Jerry mumbles and takes the little plush carefully. “I guess that you should know the story. If anyone should know, it should be you.”

“What was her name?”

Jerry smiles sadly. “Yuna.”

“Yuna.”

Hearing you say it breaks her heart all over again, makes it bleed into her throat. She wishes that you could have met her, and that Yuna got to met you. 

See? Jerry would have teased her. You didn’t think I would get a good partner, what do you say now? 

“You would have loved her”, Jerry says quietly, still wearing the painful smile. “And she would have loved you—adored you. She loved everything and everyone. A soul too good for this world. She never broke any rules, never did anything stupid … and when she did one time, I scolded her so bad that she never did it again.”

Jerry can see the hesitation in your eyes before you ask the question. 

“What happened to her?”

Jerry’s head pounds in pain. Blood runs down her chin, from the corner of her mouth. She wipes it with her sleeve. She really should stop getting into fights, it never ends well. Even if she wins them, she’s left with aching limbs for days to come. But the pride from a win makes her do it again, and again, and again. She usually gangs up with a few people from her gang, and go at it until they can’t anymore. But today was different, she thinks as she makes her way home, through empty streets. They smiled too much today, provoked her more than usual. When she was ready to leave, they pulled her back in with their taunting words, knowing exactly where to press to rile her up again. As if they didn’t want her to leave. It was weird, different than usual. 

Jerry drags her feet over the pavement. She will have to take a shower to remove the blood—whether it’s hers or not doesn’t matter. 

The door to the apartment complex isn’t fully closed. A small drop of blood sits on the ground. Is she bloody enough to drip? She opens the door and walks into the building, pulling herself up the stairs to the apartment. This door isn’t closed either. Jerry frowns and opens the door, walking into the hallway. She can tell, right away, that something is different. There’s a new smell in the air, one she is oddly familiar with. 

The smell of blood. 

Her heart stops, nerves crackling with panic before she runs forward, into the livingroom. 

“Mom?” she shouts. “Dad? Yuna?”

Blood covers the floor, the walls and furniture. Jerry spins around, desperately trying to find where it leads. It seems to have been smudged in all directions. She opens the door to the bathroom. Empty. Her parents room. Empty. Kitchen is empty. Her hand hovers shakingly over Yuna’s bedroom door. Please don’t, Jerry thinks as sweat runs down her back, please, please. She opens the door. The room is covered in blood. Her parents are lying across the room, blood smudges across the floor exposing that they’ve been dragged here. Their throats are slit. Jerry stumbles backwards, hand reaching for something—anything—to grab onto. Her heart seems to be everywhere in her body, beating irregularly. An ice cold, burning nausea covers her fully, like water. 

“Mom—”, she chokes out, sinking down on the floor. She can’t form a sentence, let alone an understandable one. “Dad … oh, my God. Oh, my God, oh shit.”

Her vision is blurred by tears.

A thought enters her head, and suddenly she’s on high alert again. 

Yuna … where’s Yuna?

On shaking legs, she clumsily pulls herself up and stumbles out into the corridor again. All other rooms are empty, where is Yuna? Where the fuck is Yuna?

There’s only one room left. Jerry’s. She drags herself over to her closed door, feeling like she’s going to vomit any second. After a long while of waiting, she finally opens the door, revealing her own room. Jerry screams. 

Yuna is lying in Jerry’s bed. Her school uniform is covered in blood, her black hair spread out over her face. One arm lies over her stomach, the other hanging over the side of the bed. Jerry has to grab onto her desk. Suddenly she doesn’t feel like she’s there. She can’t feel her legs hold her up.

Without noticing it, her body has moved her forward. She’s standing by her bed. Theres a folded note on Yuna’s chest. Jerry’s hands tremble as she opens it. 

“See this as a warning, bitch, next time it will be you.”

She throws the note across the room. Her heart hammers in her chest, but this time in anger. Those disgusting creatures. She can’t find words to describe them. They’re subhuman, but not even that is enough. 

She tears down everything on her desk, including her laptop and lamp amd when there’s nothing left for her to destroy, she hits herself, clawing and pulling at anything she can get her hands on. As long as it hurts. It’s her fault. She put her family in danger. Her choices led to this. She killed them. 

When her body loses power, she sinks down on the floor, shaking and crying. Jerry covers her face in her hands to avoid looking at her little sisters lifeless body. She can’t remember the last time she cried like this. It exits her body in a whine-like howl, her pain needing to come out. 

But even those end. All feelings end at some point, leaving her in a numb, broken shell. She looks towards her bed. The arm that’s hanging of the side of the bed seems to hold something. Jerry crawls over and opens Yuna’s hand slightly. Her skin is still somewhat warm under her touch. In her hand lies the Kuromi charm plush, still somewhat clean. Jerry takes it out of Yuna’s hand and holds it in hers. She hugs it, breaking out into new sobs. 

Realizing that she can’t stay here—the ones that have done this will most likely return, or the cops will arrest her for the deed—Jerry stands up. She grabs one of her black backpacks and throws in whatever she thinks that she can need before leaving the apartment for the last time. 

Your eyes are filled with tears, and so are hers. You reach forward to wipe hers and she squeezes her eyes shut. She can’t look at you. 

“I’m so sorry”, you say. 

“I can’t lose you too”, she hisses. “I fucking can’t lose you too.”

She can feel you hug her and she’s quick to remove your arms. 

“You shouldn’t move”, she says with a panicked voice. “You’re hurt. Just let the medicine and what fuck-not do it’s work, please. Just do as I say.”

You lay down again. Jerry sighs out heavily and wipes her tears harshly. 

“That’s why I joined this organization”, she says angrily. “I realized how vulnerable I was by myself. I needed people that could protect me and have my back … and I’m so fucking sorry I pulled you into it, too. I should have learned my lesson with my family, but I didn’t. I was so fucking selfish doing it again, just because I fell in love. And i could have lost you too. Ic ould have repeated my fucking mistake.”

“But you didn’t”, you say. “I’m here.”

Jerry sighs and holds out the little plush. 

“I, somehow, feel like she did this”, she says flatly. “As if she couldn’t watch me go through it again, so she saved you. Yuna died holding this charm. Somehow thinking that it would protect her … or she just didn’t want to die alone.”

Jerry has never said these thoughts out loud before. And when she does it, she doesn’t dare to look at you, scared to see a judging look in your eyes. But you don’t, you look at her with such empathy, such sadness for her. 

“I can’t bring myself to get rid of it”, she says and sighs. “Because this was so important to Yuna. I don’t know why.”

“Did you ever get the ones that did it?” you ask carefully. 

“No … never. But I will find them one day, and I will make them pay. And the one that did this to you is going to get what he deserve too. I will never let anything hurt you again. I will do whatever it takes, but so help me, if anything ever happens to you again.”

“I think that if she saw you now, she would be proud of you”, you say. “Maybe not for what you do, but for how loving you are.”

Jerry scoffs, but you see that your words hit her hard. 

“You are”, you insist. “Not everyone sees it, but you are. Even if you don’t believe it yourself.”

“Oh yeah?” she scoffs. “How ‘loving’ can I be after everything I’ve done to you?”

You swallow, thinking of everything Jerry has put you through but shake it off. Not the right timing. 

“You sat here with me all this time”, you say. “You’ve cried for me. Worried for me.”

“Well, yeah, I’m not a monster.”

“You aren’t. You are human. And that’s why it wasn’t your fault, for anything that happened. You didn’t do anything.”

Jerry sniffles and looks down at the plush, and then at you. 

“Thank you, Y/N”, she says, giving you a small, sad smile. “Thank you.”

After you’ve fallen asleep that night, she places the little Kuromi plush on the pillow, by your head and smiles sadly. She falls asleep with her head on the free space on the bed beside your legs, eternally grateful that you came back to her, and with a new peace in her body. As if a heavy weight has lifted off her shoulders.

[solxamber]

Valentines day event woowoowoo (dont burn yourself out aye!!)

Idia, romantic, "absolutely smitten" by Dodie (if i got that right-) :]

Hope it could be a fun one ! Stay safe ayeaye

i love the pining potential in the song!!! hope you like my interpretation of it <3

"I'm absolutely smitten" || Idia Shroud

𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐲 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭

𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠: Absolutely Smitten by Dodie

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 670

𝐓𝐚𝐠𝐬: Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers

Idia first sees you during orientation. Not in person, of course—there’s no way he’d willingly subject himself to a room full of loud, unpredictable people—but through his tablet, streaming the event from the safety of his dorm.

It’s routine, really, just scoping out who he’ll inevitably be avoiding for the next few years. But then the camera pans across the crowd, and he sees you.

And something unfamiliar stirs in his chest.

It’s a strange, unquantifiable feeling, something too big for him to handle, too much for his ribs to cage in. His fingers tighten around the tablet as he watches you smile at something someone says, and a thought creeps into his brain before he can stop it.

I wish that were me.

It’s over for him. Absolutely, completely, no-respawn doomed.

And when he actually gets to know you? Oh, he’s done for. Every interaction with you is a critical hit to his heart. You are bright where he is shadowed, warm where he is cold, a force of nature where he is content to be static.

And yet, somehow, you seem to like being around him. You talk to him, seek him out, sit with him even when he fumbles through his words and hides behind his hood.

He doesn’t know what to do with himself.

Idia Shroud, the ghost of Ignihyde, the one who would rather face a boss battle on the highest difficulty than make eye contact with another human being, wants nothing more than to be close to you.

He wants to talk to you about everything that makes his mind race at 3 AM, wants to know what makes you tick, wants to kiss you until he forgets what loneliness feels like.

But he can’t. Because you are you, and he is him, and the idea of ruining what he has with you is a fear greater than any horror game could ever conjure.

So he does nothing. He pines. He wonders.

Are you just being nice?

Would you ever see him that way?

Is he even worth your time?

And yet, he doesn’t know that you are just as smitten.

The day you met him is engraved in your brain like a prophecy fulfilled. You think he’s the one. It sounds ridiculous, impossibly romantic, something straight out of a visual novel, but you can’t shake the feeling that you and Idia are meant to be.

And so, one day, when you’re sitting next to him in his room—shoulders almost touching, his leg bouncing like a loading screen buffering at 99%—you slide a little closer.

“Idia.”

He stiffens. “W-what?”

“I like you.” A pause. “I really like you.”

His brain blue-screens.

You barely have time to process his expression—wide golden eyes, parted lips—before he starts tearing up.

“Wait, wait, are you okay?” You panic, reaching for him, but he shakes his head rapidly, hands clutching his hoodie like it’s the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

“You—” His voice cracks. “You actually—?”

You nod. “I mean, yeah. Kinda thought it was obvious.”

Obvious? Obvious? He’s been agonizing over this for months, drowning in his feelings, convinced you were nothing more than a dream he was too scared to wake up from. And yet, here you are, looking at him like he’s the greatest thing to ever happen to you.

He doesn’t know what to say. But you do.

So you pull him into a hug, letting him bury his face in your shoulder as he trembles. His hands hover before finally clutching the fabric of your shirt, like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he holds on too tightly.

And for the first time in a long, long time, Idia feels whole.

He pulls back slightly, and when he looks at your soft smile, something inside him clicks into place. He’s never letting you go.

And when you look at his teary-eyed grin, you think the same thing.

Masterlist ; Valentine's Event

[oracle-of-dream]

The Bloody Birthday Party

I've finally begun to write that first chapter again! I've read over it, fixed the language, and updated some stuff! So even if you read the original, there are some new things now~

Summary: You received an invitation to a birthday party in the mail. From an unknown sender. So did your friends! You go to meet them there, but instead meet a family of seven brothers celebrating their birthday today.

Wordcount: 4.4k

Notes: Male Reader, Drunk-Dazed inspired Enhypen, All members are their ages in 2025–so everyone is adulting, Enhypen with Powers, Vampire Enhypen, idk what else

The night was cold and dark beside the street lamps that kept the street lit. You recheck your phone. It glowed the time, 9 PM, the time you were supposed to meet at this bus stop to ride out to the party.

You received an invitation hidden in your mail last week. A charcoal black envelope that read,

An Invitation To Our Bloody Birthday Party

And inside was the card with a neatly typed message.

You're invited to our bloody birthday party.

Sometimes, walking down the deadly path

Without fleeing from death itself

Can give rise to the most wondrous creation

We hope you will be able to come

The back of the card left instructions on where to find the transit bus to take you to the party. Your phone said it was some old house you hadn't seen before. You didn’t want to go, but your friends got the same invitation. After being invited to the same party, the group decided to go. Even though the party felt strange and shady, your friends managed to coax you out of the house that night.

Are you guys there already?

You stared at your phone, waiting for a reply. Then you heard a soft honk in front of you. A bus was waiting with the door open.

"Are you getting on?" The driver asked. You checked your phone one last time before nodding. You scrambled awkwardly into the bus.

Other than the driver and you, it was empty. You picked a seat toward the back, by a window, and put on your headphones. You played the first song in your playlist as you tried to distract yourself from the feeling of dread that hung on your shoulders. The bus ride was about twenty minutes, and you checked your phone every few minutes to check your messages.

Nothing, still… They must be having such a good time that they're not looking at their phones.

The bus stopped down the street of a large house. Music and red lights were pouring out like a rave was happening inside. As soon as you stepped off the bus, it pulled away. The darkness of the lightless street almost consumed you. The only light came from the single overhead streetlamp from the bus stop. The rest of the way was paved in shadow. There were no other people, not even the sound of the wilderness. The house was almost surrounded by forest. It was almost like an extension of the home–like it was reaching its arms out to cage you in. To force you to come toward it. You stepped into the darkness, along the sidewalk, toward the house. The heaviness in your chest got stronger as your eyes darted around, searching for anything hiding with you in the dark. Even the flashlight on your phone didn't make you feel any safer. A wolf’s howl rang through the night in the distance. Your speed was turned into a soft job as you tried not to break into a sprint.

The house, if you could call it that anymore, was massive. It didn’t seem as big when you were at the end of the street but now it was huge. A mansion stood before you, styled historically, like something you’d see in a museum picture of rich people years ago. The front door was ajar, light poured out. You could hear the sound of people talking and music playing. In the window, you could see it was full of people: dancing, drinking, laughing, and screaming.

"The party is more fun on the inside, you know." A voice tickled inside of your left ear. You turned around, back the way you’d just walked alone, to see a handsome man in front of you with black hair and a sharp look in his eye. He was dressed pretty nicely for a party. Slicked back hair, a tucked collared shirt, and even dress pants. He nodded to you as he looked you over. His eyes were dark. His eyebrows shifted as he examined you like he was sizing you up. "You alright? Need something to drink?"

You shook your head. "I'm just trying to find my friends. I just got here… They got here before me."

"Oh, I get you. It's a big house, and you can get lost in there. So be careful," he smirked. “By the way, I'm Jay.”

"Hi Jay, I'm y/n..."

"So, y/n, you have your invite? We can't just let anyone walk in."

You pulled it out of your bag for Jay to examine. "You're the bouncer?"

He laughed, "Not exactly. It's just my turn to watch the door. Gotta look out for guests, plus there are wolves around… My brothers are inside enjoying the party, and it'll be my turn to enjoy it soon."

"Your brothers?" You asked, disregarding the comment about the wolves.

"Yeah. It's my birthday tonight."

Your jaw went slack. "I-I didn't realize it was your birthday! Happy Birthday!" You awkwardly slapped his shoulder, trying to play it cool but then realizing how much worse that felt.

Jay handed you back your invite. "Thanks. Why don't you go in and find your friends? If you see my brothers, tell them that Jake's gift is somewhere in the house."

You nodded. That’s when you notice his eyes get sharper as if he wasn't looking at you but through you–listening very closely to something.

“Something wrong?”

Jay focused on you again. “You should go in. I gotta go check on something.” Jay walked off into the darkness on one side of the house, leaving you on the steps. You couldn’t even hear his steps as soon as he stepped completely into the dark. He was gone…

Inside the house, you wormed through people and tried not to bump into anyone. Your friends were nowhere in sight. The air inside was foggy, like from a machine, but tasted sweet like strawberries. The lights hurt your eyes at first, but the feeling eventually passed. You ended up in a kitchen, one of the few quieter rooms in the house. Inside was a boy with platinum blonde hair holding a cup of red liquid.

"Oh? Someone lost?" He asked as he turned to face you. His eyes gave you the impression he knew something you didn't, and he wore a smirk on his face while speaking.

"Yeah. I was just looking for my friends," You replied.

"It's a big house. You should be careful not to get lost. Everyone is toward the living room and dining room. And, you can check the second floor. But you may walk in on some people enjoying the party." He giggled when he mentioned walking in on people.

You cocked your head slightly. That’s the second time someone’s warned you about getting lost. Does it happen that often here?

"Oh yeah... that's no good," You were stiff with him. He was gorgeous, and you didn't know how to speak to him. He had an air about him that made you hang on to his every word, but you didn’t know what to reply with.

"You, okay? Need a drink to loosen up?" He held out his drink.

You shook your head. "No, thank you. I like pouring my drinks for safety and everything."

He took a sip of it and offered it again. "See? Perfectly safe. So, drink!" He pushed the drink closer to your hand. Somehow, the closer he got, the prettier too. The way he said drink, was a tone that sounded forceful. Like he was irritated, but his voice was so kind, and his smile so beautiful…

"O-Okay... One sip wouldn't hurt," You took a sip of the red drink. It tasted like strawberries mixed with club soda, but the carbonation was strong–and made you choke. "What's this again?"

He laughed at you, "It's just strawberry Fanta. Nothing special."

You stifle a cough to try and compose yourself. "Um, I'm y/n."

"Sunoo."

“So… do you know Jay? It’s cool that he knows so many people to invite for his birthday, but I realize I don’t know him…”

Sunoo smiled. “It's my birthday today!”

You raised your eyebrows in surprise, "No way! Weird coincidence."

"He's my brother! My brothers and I celebrate our birthdays together, so today's all of our birthdays."

You feigned understanding of their weird birthday habit. "So, how many brothers do you have?"

"There are seven of us total."

"Seven–" Your eyes widened slightly. “That must be a lot for your family…”

Sunoo giggled at your reaction, "Yes. Me, Jay, Sunghoon, Heeseung, Ni-ki, Jungwon, and Jake."

The last name rang out in your ears, remembering Jay's request. "Oh! Then, I was supposed to tell you that Jake's gift is somewhere in the house."

Sunoo raised his eyebrow before looking you up and down. "Oh really? Did Jay give any hints on what it looks like?"

You shook your head, "Nope. Jay must want Jake to go on a scavenger hunt or something?"

The kind boy nodded in understanding, "Then I should go tell my brothers so they can get Jake to start looking. Good luck with finding your friends!" 

Sunoo waved goodbye as he walked out of the kitchen. Alone with the thumping bass of the speakers to keep you company. There were no new messages from your friends. 

So, did y’all prank me? Are you guys even here?

You sent them another text while headed toward another open area, you spotted someone familiar across the room. Or they looked familiar. In a rush to catch them, you stumbled on something on the fog-covered floor and bumped into someone. Looking up at the person you bumped into, there was a huge red stain on his white shirt. The man's face spelled irritation. He was tall, had dark hair, and his skin was white like snow.

"Can you watch it!? Are you drunk?" He pushed you off him before storming down a hallway. He cursed a few times as he did, something about blood.

You dusted yourself off and stood up. Looking back to where you saw the familiar figure. They were gone. Frantically, you scanned the room until you saw the figure walking upstairs. You rushed to follow it up the stairs, moving through the living room. You saw a guy with brown hair and cat-like eyes standing next to a taller boy with blonde hair who both watched you run by. Something about them felt off, but you didn't have time to stop.

Upstairs, you found a hallway full of closed doors. You couldn't see the figure anywhere, but you were sure they'd gone this way. You approached one door and put your ear up to it. It was hard to hear the music, but you could faintly hear moaning from the other side. You moved onto the next door, which was silent. You carefully turned the knob and started to push open the door. Before you could open it completely, you felt a hand on your shoulder that pulled you around. A man with black hair and a striped black and white shirt stood before you, red liquid dripping from his mouth.

"Hey there, pretty boy. What are you doing sneaking around up here?" He boxed you in, he had you pinned against the door, and his grip was like metal. He pulled you closer. "Do you wanna enjoy the party with me–how about in there?" His eyes pointed to the door you were leaning on.

"I'm just looking for my friend. I'm kind of–"

"Lost?" He cut you off.

"Not exactly. Just turned around."

"What's your name, love?"

"It's y/n."

"Well, y/n. It's my birthday tonight, and I think I'd like my gift from you now." The man got closer as he spoke. His chest pressed against yours.

"W–Well, my friend has the gift!" You lied. You forgot it was a birthday party, so you didn't think about bringing a gift in the first place.

"God… You’re so cute when to lie," He put his hand on your face, stroking your cheek. "Your skin is so soft. Your lips are so plump. You're my type.”

"And so is everyone else, Heeseung. Take it down a notch." Another voice from down the hallway spoke. 

The boy from the couch approached the two of you. He moved so quickly, that your eyes didn’t register it. His eyes scanned Heeseung as he grabbed at the hand he was using to hold you in place. "You've had too much to drink, so walk it off." Heeseung looked like he wanted to protest, but the shorter boy pulled him closer. They held each other’s gaze for a moment. Then Heeseung sighed before turning to you. "Okay, sorry, love. We can't dance together tonight." He winked as he wandered back toward the stairs.

Your savior turned his attention to you. "You okay? He didn't do anything to you?"

"No, I'm alright. Thanks for the save from that creep."

"My brother is a bit of… an attention whore if he drinks too much, it's a horrible habit. I'm sorry about that."

You mentally punched yourself. "Sorry about the creep comment! I didn't know–"

"Brother or not, a creep is a creep," He sighed. "I'm Jungwon. It's nice to meet you, y/n."

"How'd you know my name? I didn't tell you it yet..."

He looked off to the side. "You… said it when Heeseung asked, didn't you?"

You nodded slowly, "Yeah... I guess I did." 

Did that mean he was standing there for that long before stepping in? 

You set the thought aside and focused on the guy. "So, I'm guessing it's also your birthday?"

The boy nodded.

"Happy Birthday, mister..."

"Jungwon. And you can drop the mister."

"Happy Birthday, Jungwon."

Jungwon smiled. "Thank you. I hope you're enjoying the party and my brother didn't bother you too badly."

"I'm enjoying it. I just really wish I could find my friends..."

Jungwon scratched his head. "Try the door down this hall on the right."

"That's amazing! Thank you!" You dashed off to find your friends before they had a chance to slip away again. You went to the door Jungwon told you about, putting your ear up to it. No one was moaning this time. You checked your sides, and no Heeseung either. You opened the door and poked your head in. Two men were sitting on the bed, both facing away from you.

"Jake, it's easy. You can't go this long without quality food. We both know that. This party is perfect, and these people won't remember a thing the next morning. You'll just be a weird dream to them," The first guy said. He turned in your direction, noticing you at the door. He had an eyebrow slit and blonde hair with an undercut. It was the guy who was standing with Jungwon before… "Jake, it's time. Happy Birthday," He put his hand on Jake's shoulder, squeezing it tight, before leaving the room. He brushed past you. He smelled like a soft mint, and his eyes looked straight into yours.

He shook his head and walked away. "Don't be a letdown..." He took two steps before you couldn’t hear him anymore. You turned to see, but he was gone. Completely. You looked back at the second man in the room. He looked at you shyly. He had wavy blonde hair and a wet look in his eyes.

He jolted to his feet, "I didn't know someone else was–"

You put your hands up in defense, "No, that's all me! I didn't mean to interrupt your moment or whatever!"

Jake squeezed one of his wrists, "Would you come in?" You looked back over your shoulder, out the door. Your friends were somewhere around here. “Please?” You guessed it wouldn’t hurt to listen to the guy. You entered the room, standing a bit away from him.

"You're a little far," Jake muttered. You nervously scooted closer to him. "I–I don’t mean to be so weird…" He sighed. He shifted awkwardly on the bed.

"I–I'm just a little confused. Are you okay?" You leaned close to him.

He flinched away from you, his eyes sparking red as a small fire burst from the palm of his hand on the bed. “S-Shit!” Jake slapped the fire away before dropping his face in his hands. “This is going so badly already…” He wiped his face and turned to you. “I didn't mean to do that–it just happens sometimes. My powers are fucked up since I haven't eaten in a while."

You stared in shock at the sudden fire. "Powers? Well if it's about food, there's plenty of food downstairs. I can grab you some." You pointed toward the door.

He chuckled dryly. “No… none of that food’s for me.”

"Why not?"

“I just don’t eat that.”

That’s when it clicked in your mind who you were talking to. “Wait, you’re Jake, right!?”

He nodded, eyes wide with surprise. “How’d you know that?”

“Jay told me. He told me a present is here for you. That should cheer you up, right?”

“A present?” He looked at you, looking you over once. “Oh. I get it now.” His face soured as he looked at you. “Tell them I don’t want it… Just go. They know I don’t like those kinds of gifts.”

As much as you wanted to leave, you couldn’t help but feel bad for the guy. Being this depressed on his birthday, with a huge party and everything. Maybe he just needs someone to be with him. “I can sit with you if you want.”

“Just go!” Jake’s voice boomed as your sleeve burst into flames. You jumped back and screamed as you tried to get it off without burning yourself. Jake’s head whipped over to see you on fire. He immediately tackled you to the ground, hugging you tightly as you felt the fire die down. He whispered as if he were calming a child. “It’s okay! It’s okay! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Please calm down. It was an accident…”

Jake helped you up and sat you down on the bed. The two of you sat in silence for a moment. Jake looked too nervous to speak, and you checked if your arm had any burns. Thankfully, the answer to that was no. 

A knock at the door broke the silence–a head peaked in slightly. It was Jungwon!

"Jake!" He called. Jake looked at Jungwon. As they locked eyes there was silence. It was a conversation, but you couldn't hear anything. Their mouths weren't moving. After a moment, Jungwon turned to you. "Hi y/n, I need a favor from you. Step out here with me."

You nodded, "Anything. I still owe you for earlier." You followed Jungwon outside the room, and he pulled the door closed.

Jungwon smiled. "Well, I'm going to use that favor now." He got closer and whispered, "I need you to seduce Jake."

You pulled away and looked at him in bewilderment, "Why!?"

"Keep it down," He commanded. “Jake’s been down for a while and my brothers and I have been trying everything we can to get him back to himself. He’s not… eating right. And if he keeps skipping meals, he’ll get worse.”

“Do you know he can set things on fire?” You held your charred sleeve.

Jungwon studied your sleeve. “That means it's getting worse already. Eventually, Jake won’t be able to control it, and he could burn this house down… I can’t explain everything y/n, but you’re the only one I can ask. It has to be you.”

You remembered how scared Jake was when he tackled you. He shook in your arms like he was terrified of that fire… Maybe he did need help. “So how does seducing him get him to eat?”

Jungwon sighed. “More questions I can’t quite answer. But you can tell he’s special. He needs special care. So maybe seduce is the wrong word–just be close to him. Get him to like you.”

You nodded in agreement at the change in words.

"Jake. My friend here is interested in you, but he's a little shy. Could you show him a good time?" Jungwon smiled as he let you back into the room, and shut the door as he left, locking it from the outside.

Jake turned to you, "Are you really into me?" His eyes were slightly red.

“Were you crying?”

He looked away from you. “That’s not important. I just wanna know, if you’re interested in me or if my brothers are threatening you. If they are, I can help you get out.”

"I'm not sure–I’m mostly trying to wrap my head around what just happened..." You said frankly. “But, I do want to get to know you a little… If you want that.”

Jake sighed and patted a spot on the bed next to him. "I want to be honest and comfortable with you. Can I?" You slowly nodded, cautious of his next move. Jake moved closer, his hands resting on your thigh, "My brothers and I are vampires. And we feed on blood, just like the ones in the movies. But we've got some extra powers. And my stupid power is the fire you saw earlier… But I can’t control it anymore."

You just stared at him, waiting for him to say he was joking. But he wasn't laughing. “So… when you said you haven’t eaten. You meant blood.”

"Yes…"

“Why not? You could’ve easily bitten me earlier, right?”

“I–” Jake's face flushed pink, "I haven't fed on a human in a long time... and it's intimate."

"How long?"

`"Like... maybe a hundred years?"

"Why?"

"That’s not your business," Jake’s tone got sharp and a spark skittered off his fingers. Jake took a deep breath to calm down. "Please understand. I just don’t feed on humans anymore. And drinking the blood of animals isn’t nearly as… nutritious. So it’s harder for me to live on just animal blood."

You immediately felt for him. Sympathetic even, "Of course I understand you, that's hard. I couldn't imagine having sex every time I was hungry."

He shook his head. "It's not sex! I'm not having sex with you to feed!" Another spark on his fingers…

"Okay! My bad!" You put your hands up in defense, watching his mood closely.

"I–I'm sorry. The hunger is making me emotional. I’ve usually got a better grip on it. The blood of animals has worked for years, but suddenly it works less. I've started experiencing urges."

"Urges?"

"Like... if I'm not focused and I get hungry. I could devour a whole person if I get too hungry. And if I get too overexcited, my power flares up and starts burning things around me."

Your eyes widened as you softly scooted away.

"I won't do that to you!" Jake moved a hand toward you but shrank away from you. "I also hate that. I don't like people looking at me like a monster. Others live for it, but not me. I just want to be normal.”

“So, that’s why you have a party for your birthday? To feel normal?” You asked.

Jake shook his head, "No. The party is how we stock up on blood for half of the year. Luring in people, knocking them out, and then we drink some and store more blood elsewhere. The most that humans experience is a headache, like a bad hangover. They don't even remember us. Unless you're like Heeseung."

"What happened with Heeseung?" You shivered. Just thinking of him felt like he was so close to you.

"He... is a more traditional vampire. Drinking until they stop beating, if you get me." Jake looked into space as if remembering horrible memories. “But that act of taking blood is something I’m not very into.”

"So, I just let you bite me, and I won't remember anything? I can still go home after," You asked.

Jake nodded, "Pretty much, but I don't like forcing people to–”

You rolled up your sleeve, "Is my arm okay, or do you have to be my neck?"

Jake backed up, "You'd just let me drink from you?"

You nodded, "If it's to help you out, then sure. You said I’d be safe and you’re honest with me, so I trust you. I’d much rather give some blood than have it taken unknowingly. Or end up with Heeseung.” You tried to joke, to keep the vibe up, but you couldn’t stop hearing your heart beating.

"No! I'd never let him have you! You're nice!" Jake pulled your sleeve down, covering your veins. "I won't bite you unless you want me to. If you don't want me to, I'll sneak you out of the house and let you go. So… are you sure?”

You considered his offer closely. If Jake let you go, you'd remember the existence of vampires and probably ruin every vampire show for the rest of time. And if you let him bite you, then it's just a foggy memory. But then you remembered. "What about my friends? If I leave, what will you do to them?"

"My brothers stick to our routine pretty seriously. So they should get the same routine as everyone else. A drain and release. We can’t risk anyone bringing the police."

"Unless they meet Heeseung…"

Jake nodded, "Well, Jay and Jungwon take turns keeping watch near his room to stop him from getting too out of hand." Jake's eyes glittered in the moonlight from the window. They had an honest sense, loyal to their promises. 

You sighed. "Promise me I won't end up dead."

"I promise. I'll guard you with my life," Jake smiled.

You laid your back on the bed and closed your eyes. "Okay... bite me then." 

There was movement and warmth, and you could feel his breath on your neck. He straddled you, his knees near your hips and his hands gently moving your head to the side. You couldn't help but shake and brace for the pain. You felt your consciousness slip away as Jake’s lips landed on your neck…

You opened your eyes slowly, holding your head and slowly sitting up. You were in a bedroom with sunlight pouring in from the window. The room was familiar, but it wasn't your room. You moved to sit in bed, only to realize you weren't alone. A handsome blonde man was lying in bed with you, both tucked under the covers.

"Jake?" You whispered, remembering everything from the night before until you closed your eyes. "Why do I know who you are!?”

[deathlygristly]

The spousal person and I chose each other when we were 18. We're 44 and 43 now (I'm seven months older than him which I'm sure scandalizes antis, like I could roll over on my own while he was still a fetus so clearly I am preying on him) and we are still very happily monogamous.

Here's the thing though.

We're both autistic, neither of us grew up religious (well, the spousal person went to Catholic school K-8 but he never believed in it), we both lost a parent before we met (my father died when a month after I turned 7 and his mother died when he was 17, a few months before we met) and on our first date when we were 18 we both agreed that we did not want children and that we cared more about being happy than about outward markers of success and status.

Now 25 years later we don't have kids but we do have a lot of cats, and I often tell him that my dream is for him and the kitties to be happy and he says his is for me and the kitties to be happy. :)

We got married when we were 21, in a drive-thru chapel in Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge. No rings, no fancy outfits, no guests, nothing like that. Just paperwork and then driving around to the window for the officiant to say the official words, lol. I didn't change my last name.

I've been learning more about autism lately and listening to the Autistic Culture podcast and things, and maybe it's the autism, I don't know. Neither of us really understand conformity or social pressure. Neither of us are real good at socializing long term with other people. We like our routines and our rituals. We're comfortable with each other and very much not comfortable around strangers. Dealing with other people is A Lot for us.

The main thing though is that it was all completely our own choice, from the moment I emailed him and asked if he wanted to hang out without our other friends to now, when I am sitting here with a cat in my lap and he's in the kitchen making a dinner that we both talked about and chose, and then we'll eat it while watching two kdrama episodes that we talked about and chose.

Also I get really confused about things I see on here about marriage and relationships with dudes, because I don't recognize any of what the haters are saying. The spousal person does all the housework except vacuuming. I don't do all the emotional stuff. We take care of each other and support each other. He's really cool and fun and I love him more than the universe and when we're watching a kdrama and something funny happens and he laughs and I look back at him and I hear his laugh and I see his face....it's the most beautiful perfect experience in existence and I want to be near him for always.

But if you didn't choose it, if you felt pressured into it by society or religion or family, if you don't even like the person you're building your life with, if you don't support each other and you don't talk and you don't feel free to be yourself and you're just performing to please some weird external Other....yeah, I can see that being awful.

If what you really want is monogamy and lifelong commitment, you absolutely cannot force it on an unwilling pseudopartner. Domination is not commitment. Abuse is not commitment. Performing to please an external other is not commitment.

To me commitment isn't hard at all. It's the easiest thing in the world. It's just hanging out forever with my most best friend who is also the coolest cutest human to ever exist in all possible realities.

But based on what I've learned about other people since I got internet access...it's not going to be easy if you can't accept yourself for who you are and if you care more about conformity and social status than your own happiness and if you haven't taken responsibility for your own emotions and you aren't willing to work on healing your own trauma.

And if you do work on healing your own trauma and take responsibility for your emotions and get comfortable with who you are and with respecting other people as their own unique self and you find that what you want is polyamory or being single or whatever, go for it! That can be commitment too, to a steady set of multiple partners or to yourself and your own integrity.

I don't know. I think the point is that domination and abuse and forcing others never works and never results in long term happiness, no matter the number of people involved. You gotta respect the autonomous selves of others if you want mature committed relationships, of whatever kind.

Gotta stop here because he says dinner is ready. :)

everybody talks about men in trad marriages having affairs with their secretaries but it’s worth noting a lot of women back then had side pieces too. you can force a woman to submit to you legally but you can never force her to love you or maintain fidelity against her will. you can get rid of no fault divorce and get rid of abortion but you can’t get rid of fun.

[mysteryanimator]

Breaking down "Even the Iron Still Fears the Rot" (almost) shot by shot!

The fan-animatic can be viewed here!

HEADS UP: This is a fan-made content. I am a fan. I just love Castlevania/animation a lot and I love storyboarding nuances and making people cry over character dynamics. Also apologises for any grammatical/spelling mistakes!

I wasn't planning to do another breakdown of my own work, simply due to imposter syndrome but I genuinely put so much love and care into this animatic! I want to talk about it! Also, people have been really open to hearing about my inspiration and notes, and why I take the directions I do for my work, even if it's fan-made, so here we go!

(Also the reciprocation of my animatics has been so kind and uplifting, and I'm really glad that there's a lot of love for them as much as I love doing them! I learn and grow with every single board I make, it's been really fun! I hope I get to shine this much passion in the future in actual work!)

Since this is also an adaptation of a fan one-shot by Aquila, (which you can read here!) I knew I wanted to evoke what they had written and interject some of my own nuances/personal readings to their story to elevate what they had! In turn, kind of created this monster (positive) of a fan creation haha. There are some changes/rearranging the placement of aspects of the one-shot to strengthen the existing tension going on!

With this out the way, let's begin!

(heads up, for any shots I completely skip over, it is because I'm reaching image limits here)

I wanted to evoke that strong halo light you see in a lot of media. Often than not, this visual is used to depict the character as a divine force of nature and/or when a character is bobbing in and out of death. It can also be a very very terrifying image, as, for example, s02e8, Mizrak is literally all dark with a brightly lit background. It is scary- BUT people will say hot because it's Mizrak but hey, look, all I can say is I fully understand haha. It all depends on your intentionality and what follows before and after to give context to your scene!

Mizrak is dead. Well, undead now. Olrox is the so-called angel giving him life and love and this halo of light gets repeated a few times!

By the end, not only do their literal positions switch, but their roles shift too so I hoped to convey that visually by also giving Mizrak that halo glow for the second last shot. At the start, Olrox consumes Mizrak’s love, and then it ends with Mizrak consuming Olrox’s love. Guh I love blood themes in vamprisim.

This shot honestly took me a bit to do, since I was going a lot cleaner than usual, the expression for Mizrak was super important for me to get right. I wanted him to look like he was about to die- yet still have an unwavering amount of life in him. (Also I hadn't warmed up drawing in this cleaned-up style so it definitely was me messing around). It was important for me for this to feel like a POV shot to contrast the first scene so we can get inside the mind of Olrox!

This too is where I only have sound effects since I can't have voice so I limit my SFX to the only most vital things to elevate things I personally find better elevate the scene with audio. It only happens TWICE. The heartbeat. His wrist is shown and from context clues from not only S01 of Nocturne with Tera's turning, but a whole bunch of other vampire media- the wrist is a place where the dead accept their new life of immortality!

Also, the pulse effect was definitely inspired by the transformation of Sekmet! I'm not sure personally if this went to a further stage I'd want to keep this since I'd personally want something more unique for vampire turning, more specifically for Olrox, HOWEVER, I think it still does a good job conveying the supernatural pull for the time being!

Wow who saw this coming HAHA

Immediately when I saw the line where Olrox said he went to straddle him immediately, my mind went to go and try to parallel this scene again! I don't have much to say about this shot rather than the feet are purposefully cut out for animation convenience's sake HAHA.

Jumpscare for sudden Olrox character layout (even though he's really off model and sketchy here HAHA)

I was again, wanting to depict Olrox BATHED in light and since this animatic is purely in greyscale (with accents of colour), I could really push for dramatic lighting when it called for it! This is also why some of the scenes just do not have backgrounds at all. I wanted to make some of the scenes as "heavenly" as possible and for Mizrak to be embraced by the light because Olrox is giving him a new a life.

If this were to ever be animated (I won't be since it would take too much of my time, but it's still a good thing to note when boarding anything... maybe I'll do cleaned screenshots since those are a breeze, or animate ONE scene from this animatic... we'll see what I have time for. I unfortunately don't have proper time to try and figure out the layout of s02e8 bgs and paint them. I did consider quickly doing a 3d mock-up but no haha), the light in the background can probably be lit with candles since it was already pre-established in s02e8! Also, the windows can reflect light into the room so there's that too since Mizrak was backlit in that episode too!

Fun fact, this entire scene was the first thing I ever thought up and why I started even making it. I thought about how cool of a visual it would be to have Mizrak's eye in the reflection.

I wanted to imbue the fact that Mizrak does not fear Olrox holding a blade, hell, he's not even looking at the blade. He's looking at Olrox. What is described as a relic from a terrifying past, Mizrak is not scared. Mizrak is not scared of Olrox.

This is where the heartbeat occurs AGAIN. This is mostly to signal to the audience what Olrox actually has planned. He's not feeding Mizrak from his wrist but from his actual chest, especially with how gently Olrox runs his hands over it.

I debated a lot on where the initial cut should go. The heart, for sentimentality, under the breast in the same way Christ had been pierced, etc etc- however I landed on just dead set in the middle so it could form a cross that would grow bigger and bigger as the animatic went on. (Fun fact, the blob of blood turns into a little heart as he squeezes his chest)

I wanted to put some weight to the repressed catholic guilt, so I thought a cool visual way to showcase that Mizrak has only known how to love is via worshipping God which has consumed his entire being and self. God has given him faith, a companion in the hardest of times when the world has abandoned him.

Now, once again, his world has abandoned him. The Hospitaller Order of Saint John of God is gone. In the face of death and fearing the devil will be waiting. Olrox has given him love, and he will be a companion in the hardest of times. He will not abandon Mizrak.

This aspect of the cross in the animatic gets expanded upon as time goes on. Both literally as the cross literally turns into a pool of blood more closely to the symbol Mizrak bares, but also it slowly expands upon Mizrak feeding off Olrox's love! I'll add some more of my personal notes when we get there!

Also by far one of my favourite scenes I've drawn. It's still rough but it decidedly made me go a lot cleaner with the rest of the storyboard!

This is supposed to be suddenly jarring because it cuts midway through Olrox in a midshot to a close-up of a hand! We need to see him actively halt Olrox for just a moment, but also to show that even when it's sudden- its not hostile, it's gentle.

This shot does a couple of things!

It showcases how gently Mizrak is reaching out to Olrox

It helps to continually establish Mizrak submission to vampirism. He is constantly placed on the bottom from the composition, or we as an audience, are always looking down at Mizrak! Seeing parts of Olrox here really cements this fact as Olrox towers over him to the point we don't even see him fully!

It helps to lead into the Fallen Angel reference!

This shot makes me sob because it is so gentle. Despite being placed constantly much higher in the composition in the animatic, therefore making him the most powerful in this dynamic- in no way Olrox is intentionally made out to be an intimidating figure. He is comfort. He is a companion. He will not abandon Mizrak. The act of turning Mizrak might be read as selfish. It may be read as cheating the natural cycle of life, it may be everything wrong and doomed as your mind makes it to be, however, it is done out of love. Morals, whether good or bad, no longer matters because Olrox is in love. Love has such a strong chokehold on this series, so I'm shoving as much love into these characters as I can. Both literally make these characters so sickly desiring love that it will be their doom and saving grace, but also me as an artist deeply putting love and thought into this board because care a lot about how to convey these complex emotions! Sure it is quite easy to churn out boards without care, but without putting care into your boards, your characters and stories lack life (in my personal opinion).

Immediately, this animatic shook me and told me to put in a reference to The Fallen Angel by Alexandre Cabnel!

Also, how does one portray the soul? EYES. Eyes are the window to the soul. Mizrak’s eyes are also considerably the most important/crucial part of his design. His eyes in both seasons ‘glow in the dark’ due to the highlights in his eyes. Mizrak is considerably really emotive too and that was important to me to emphasize. I wanted to capture his essence, his soul if you will, into this shot.

This is also why this shot is done really prettily if you will.

The reflection of Olrox's eye in Mizrak's is important here! Olrox is here to act to comfort Mizrak. Even when Olrox is not on the screen with us, he is majorly present here. He will not abandon Mizrak. Also, since it is coupled with this line, people can choose to infer what they wish with Olrox! It can symbolize Olrox does have a soul, it can symbolize how Olrox and Mizrak are now intertwined together, it can symbolize Mizrak reciprocating Olrox's love. The list can go on! I give that room for open interpretation (same as the rest of the animatic, the only reason I'm going through, breaking down almost shot by shot is that I deeply care about this sort of thing, and I know other people do too!)

This shot, is deceptively simple but it's here to actually initiate a bunch of scenes I wanted to happen after this!

Firstly, I needed a very nonchalant but easy way for Olrox to let go of Mizrak's hand without needing to overcomplicate. I needed something that gave it just enough importance for the hand kiss BUT not too much where it is the sole focus on the shot.

Secondly, I needed a way for Olrox to lean down to Mizrak and initiate him being way closer to him.

Thirdly, it acts to parallel another shot that happens with Mizrak where instead of going diagonally down, he goes diagonally up!

This is one of the points where I visually slightly deviate from the one-shot! I really REALLY wanted to emphasize Olrox's dialogue here so I chopped up and elongated the scene to make it that much more intense and tender. Which is why we get the next two close up shots!

Look it was very VERY important to me to have Olrox cup Mizrak's face and intentionally cut off his eyes. The important part I wanted to focus on solely was his hand and Mizrak looking up because genuinely, Mizrak's eyes are 'distracting' and it would remove the focus on the gesture! Also I am saving Mizrak's eyes for the next shot haha

After this shot too, you may notice the blood from his neck disappears for the rest of the animatic. This is because, after this, it began to take too much of a visual focus away from the blood on Olrox's chest since it is bright red against greys in the shot. We can chalk it up to Olrox wiping the blood off when he goes to cup him.

"The most beautiful soul a vampire can posses."

It was so important to me that we get a BEAUTIFUL shot of Mizrak. I needed the audience to see his entireeee face close up, unobscured by anything. Olrox is holding a beautiful soul in his hands. He's holding Mizrak. Actually makes me sob.

This shot by the way has been repeated 3 times with slight variations by this point. Yes, this is a very pretty shot so how could I not help but repeat it? HOWEVER, I was trying to make a reference to how Mizrak has said Olrox's name only 3 times in the show with a variation of what was said around it. After that, Olrox calls him my love, basically unlocking a new stage in their relationship.

So here, three times when he looks at Olrox, he's mentally calling out his name. After this, Olrox brings him to a new stage in the relationship.

Also in Catholicism, a lot of things are in 3s. One of the major ones is that three times, Christ fell over carrying the cross. On the third hour of that day, he died and on the third day, he was resurrected from the dead. The three sacraments that welcome someone into the Kingdom of God are Baptism, Communion, and Confirmation as they all build off one another! I could go on both those are the main points AND I feel you might get the gist now!

It was very important to me that when Olrox makes this promise, we HAVE to see his full face. This is why it's a close-up.

It lets for no shadow of a doubt that Olrox means what he says here. He's looking AT Mizrak. He's telling the truth to him.

This is a parallel to a much earlier shot of Olrox! He moves closer to Mizrak by going from top right to bottom left, while Mizrak moves closer to Olrox by going from bottom left to top right! You also both see them exit the screen too!

In this shot, we bring back that halo vibe but also this is a reference to S01E04 and S02E08! The curtain! It is BOTH their first-ever shots to establish a new scene, so I wanted to go “Hey this is establishing a new scene- a new life for Mizrak and Olrox.”

The camera is super purposefully cut just below the eyes. You can see them open then closed, but we will never ever get to see the look he had in his eyes, the single decision in his brain that let him indulge. That’s only for Olrox, and only Olrox will know.

From here on out, A LOT of the shots of Mizrak get segmented/have his face hidden for that reason too (except for one shot, also done intentionally).

When Mizrak actually closes his lips around the blood- it’s on the growling sound in the song. Mizrak has turned into the animal that he’s been calling vampires. In this new life, he is now given the choice to be freed from the man-made shackles of shame and guilt. To be untamed and unrestricted. A wild animal so to speak!

Honestly, I spent a lot of my time here (besides the pretty Olrox frames) because I was super particular about how I wanted to portray Mizrak giving into sucking the blood. The way he accepts vampirism is vital because it sets the tone and mood for how the rest of the board feel since his face gets hidden and you now have to infer from when you saw his face last.

If you have seen my analyses or my work before, you will know how much I enjoy having a frame within a frame. I loveeee my boxes! They're in the box! TOGETHER! THE CENTER TOO! There are no real divisions with the exception of Olrox's head which is important because it's not Mizrak we're focused on at this point in time, it's Olrox~

This is because the one-shot, even in third person, is mostly through Olrox's perspective!

Also, the camera is moving around in this shot, and the following subsequent shots! It hopefully gives off the "hand-held" feel, which often is associated with feeling as if you're right there in the moment with them.

Why pillows?

This is me shaking you to say how the blood-drinking is an allusion for sex if that wasn't already obvious enough. So showing pillows coupled with Olrox groaning really goes "Yes they are technically doing it."

Originally this shot (and the previous shot) was supposed to be way more pulled out, but I was saving it for the very last shot of the animatic so I went to pillows with the tinest hint of their body in the frame to make it seem super scandalous. Like what on earth could they be doing for me to cut them mostly out of the frame? Also also, the pillow was supposed to have an embroidery of a painting from 1790s or earlier BUT, for the life of me, I could not decide what I wanted and I did not want to keep reusing the same references I have had in past work. I didn't want to fuss about it for too long since its more of an easter egg rather than adding to the story. The main point is pillow = fucking HAHA.

Side tangent, you can get away with SO MUCH by having blood drinking be an allusion to sex. Like obviously when you have an age rating you must abide by, you must be creative with how you go about mature topics (my age rating is YouTube hahaha)! Not only is blood drinking in vampirism just inherently queer-coded, but the intimacy of it can convey so much more if it was just a regular ol' sex scene! I actually deeply enjoy conveying nsfw topics into art because you can discuss character dynamics at a much more vulnerable, raw state that literally bares them to just their essence and their current desires/needs. However I am getting off-topic, let's get back to it!

This shot was actually heavily inspired by the statue Adoration by Stephen Sinding!

While there are a lot of differences now simply because Mizrak is at Olrox's chest, I still hope that the vibe of that statue is still imbued. It also gives the sense of not only Olrox adoring Mizrak in this very moment, but Mizrak is too despite not seeing his face. Again quite intentional because it's only for Olrox to see.

Also, a lot of people have been telling me how Olrox is breastfeeding him, and in technicality, they're not wrong, he's feeding blood, from his chest. It is the funniest thing ever LOL

This shot was important to really focus in on his throat and how, much like in the one-shot, Mizrak is literally not taking breaths and is just continually consuming Olrox.

Wet sounds fill the room as his throat bobs with each steady gulp...He doesn’t stop, doesn’t take a moment to gasp for breath.

I also just wanted to make this scene feel very slow in order to contrast with a much more passion-filled desire that consumes Mizrak in this animatic! Also hopefully the descent of blood and the descent of the camera helps to strengthen the idea of Mizrak descending into vampirism!

It felt really cheesy to have this close-up shot of his eye HOWEVER at the time, I thought this was by far the clearest way to convey the immediate switch from gentle devotion to devouring devotion and how suddenly rapid it is. In my brain, the stylization for his eyes open would be textured and pulse in the same way Olrox's wrist did, which is why it's just outlined. I'm once again not 100% set on the pulse look and it probably needs some iterations if I ever came back to it again.

Also, the green hearts in his eyes only come through when he's actively consuming blood from his chest! The heart motif comes back later when Mizrak ends up throwing up the blood!

Here's the cross again, except it is growing bigger. This was very important to me that you see how "gentle" the blood-sucking is at first. A gentle devotion despite the "terrifying" shadow of Mizrak. Also, super an excuse to have kiss marks in my animatic, I love painting them in my art because it can say a lot with placement and how aggressively smudged they are!

Also, I thought it would be SO FUN to have Mizrak's turned self literally have his eyes overlay where Olrox's eyes are. It conveys how Mizrak and Olrox are now switching roles in this animatic! For the first half of this animatic, Olrox has been placed pretty high up in the shot composition, or where the camera looks up to put him in a high place of power! It makes him appear way more etheral and otherworldly, while Mizrak was placed lower in the composition, always looking up at him! Which I'm hoping invokes religious imagery of a God and his worshipper/follower!

When Mizrak's transformation is set, the dynamic switches up. For the rest of the animatic, Mizrak is now placed at a more supernatural/otherwordly position, while Olrox is just there passively, letting Mizrak BE in this position. He does not fight it, he embraces it, embraces how Mizrak reciprocates his love, his desire, and all his messy complications, much like how earlier in the animatic, Mizrak embraces vampirism.

Also if you slow it down enough you can see how I accidentally left my perspective grids in it HAHA, but it goes by fast enough it doesn't really matter! (I guess it's also kind of indicative of my natural style when it comes to digital painting too, I genuinely like having my sketch still peek through into the final painting!)

Wow even more shots to cement the new role switch AND how much much of the passionate need to consume is controlling his urges! Free to consume at his leisure, he is no longer bound by human nature (for now)!

This shot and his leg shot help to really strip Mizrak of his humanity. Faces in a shot really help to connect people to the characters because we see the emote, we see them breathe, we see them live. Especially for a character like Mizrak? He's super expressive face-wise and I'm purposefully not showing you the defining features of Mizrak. Here I am basically going "Mizrak is no longer human."

This is why in horror/thrillers with antagonist characters, we don't see their faces much and are saved for only key moments (usually, again your intentionality matters). It doesn't allow us to connect with the character on a much more human level. Think of Count Orlok from Nosferatu (2024). Purposefully a lot of his character is shrouded in darkness, focusing on his hands and other aspects, never his face, and even then it is really hard to make out because so much of him is obscured. It makes him that much of an imposing intimidating character! Otherworldly and something that we cannot fully understand.

This is a flipped version of Mizrak's close-up eye shot much earlier when he asked if his soul would remain. Again to hark on how Mizrak and Olrox are switching roles in this animatic! Olrox is looking at Mizrak's soul as we speak.

Despite us not seeing Mizrak's face, we as an audience noticing how unhuman Mizrak has suddenly become, Olrox looks quite gently at him and that was important to convey!

Woo! Lot's of horizontal lines here! While the camera is moving towards the left, Mizrak is moving right!

Originally this shot was going to have Mizrak's teeth sinking into Olrox like a very cool Olrox throwing his head back and Mizrak's fang reveal HOWEVER, I want to leave the "carnage" and bloodshed of the feeding out of the frame and only have it show up in very specific moments so I can have those moments actually have their proper impacts. I did not want to show any part of the front of his face at all since it would dampen the effect later on, so I opted for this instead. The legs give a sense of "something is happening but we don't know what, but it's to a point where Mizrak's entire body is moving oh jeez." Won't lie, this looks very sexual and I'm purposefully toying with that line again because blood drinking is an allusion to sex.

Also, I'm continuing the concept of having aspects of Mizrak's face only for Olrox's eyes. What does he look like when he's actively consuming him with such passion? Idk, Olrox you tell me.

This is everything I was building up for when I introduced the small crosses! The physical manifestation of how Mizrak reciprocates.

My thought process here was that Mizrak only knows how to love by fully devoting himself because that's all he's done for God. So he applies it here. He is reciprocating love, but it is FULL ON. It is intense. It is all-consuming.

The face once again is obscured for all the reasons I have mentioned before, but also it REALLY helps to really hard cut to Mizrak choking on the blood after because before it seemed like he was doing just fine. He is literally looking DOWN at Olrox, he takes up A LOT of the screen with just his back and head. He literally gets pulled into full focus while Olrox is blurred in the background. He appears like he is in control of the situation, however it could not be further from the truth.

Also, I was mostly inspired by the insane amount of bible verses talking about blood, so I'll drop some of those here!

John 6:53-56 ESV

So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day. For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood abides in me, and I in him.

Ezekiel 16:6 ESV 

“And when I passed by you and saw you wallowing in your blood, I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’ I said to you in your blood, ‘Live!’

Matthew 26:28 ESV

"For this is my [Christ's] blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

Absolute contrast to most of the other shots, not only because I decided to add way more character acting here, but it's because we actually see his FULL face. It's intentional because Mizrak realizes himself now so we need to see him have this reaction. I wanted to show that he is still a person. He still has a soul. He may not be human, but he does have a mind that can think and a heart that can love. He still retains human qualities.

He's choking on all the blood (a physical manifestation of love) and his body is rejecting it. He's not used to consuming this amount of love and he's not used to being self-indulgent. It's deeply overwhelming.

I wanted to say I LOVED drawing blood it is SO FUN, planning the camera movement, and how Mizrak coughs at specific moments was sooo fun. I wanted this to be MESSY AND INTENSE. I wanted the audience to feel the weight of Mizrak's sudden distraught. I wanted to throw him around and to really hark on this line from the one-shot.

What has he done? What has been done to him? What has he become?

It helps to deeply contrast with how still and gentle the next scene is!

Yes, that is right, Olrox's pupils are DILATED :)

Coupled with the fact that the blood splatters are hearts! They're outlined in cyan! Olrox has a massive heart-shaped blood splatter on his cheek while Mizrak has a few heart-shaped splatters BUT there are gaps in his bloodied mouth that create heart shapes as if Mizrak spewed out those hearts!

Firstly this is because Mizrak literally eats at his chest where the heart is. Secondly, I'm again pushing for Mizrak to consume and throw up his love due to how overwhelming it is. Not only is Olrox's love for him literally beyond his imagination, but Mizrak is trying to love back in with that same amount of passion and utter devotion. A lot is happening for this new-born vampire that is pushing and pulling at him. His emotional state is so overwhelming that it is manifested in physical form.

The green reflections are shown to visually communicate Olrox anchoring Mizrak back, as, throughout the animatic, it is one of the things that ease or calm him down. I could not portray it through voice BUT I can portray it via visual (guys walk with me here, imagine the insane combo of audio and visual, it would be so tasty). The sole reason why I did not have hearts in his eyes here is simply because I reserved the heart motif for when he's actively drinking out of Olrox's chest (so he's literally consuming his love) or when he's spitting out the blood!

Also, the reason why I cut to his eyes rather than pan to them is purely because I wanted the violence of his mouth to be suddenly jarring to the gentleness in his eyes. I didn't want the slow reveal, I wanted the "OMG the blood- aw Mizrak...."

"Lulled into a sense of hazy compliance by Olrox’s voice, the former monk carefully lowers himself and continues though not for long."

This final shot was soooo important to me to include. The “musty inn room” was mentioned much earlier during Mizrak’s transformation but there was a poeticism by having what is considerably the blossoming moment of their complicated relationship be the final shot. With the lyrics also ending with "Take me back to Eden" how could I not? Clearly, both the rooms between s01e4 and s02e8 are parallel to each other. The only difference is that s02e8 has the room be both red AND GREEN, while s01e4 is just earthy/green. Olrox has taken them both back to their earthly paradise. This is their Garden of Eden.

Woo ok and we're done! Also yes I do thumbnails for these, it's half the reason why I'm fast (this entire animatic, cleaned and everything, was done in 3 days good lord. Is that fast? I can't tell) I make the barest of bones chicken scratch of sketches to get a feel of pace/vibe, then I do my roughs/cleans and add/take away shots necessary for the story that needs to be told. I normally would not let this see the light of day because these are AWFUL BUT, this post is also half a documentation of my personal process so I'm going to close my eyes and share this HAHA

If you got this far, thank you for reading me geek out about this! I find a lot of joy in the visual storytelling medium. As much as I do enjoy animating, (wow could you guys tell in the name?) I have a deep love and passion for storyboarding personally and I get sit back, and enjoy crafting the entire picture! I still have a long way to go but I'm having fun and I'm pursuing my passions of storytelling!

I desperately want to make more animatics, dealing with different tones, pace etc, but I genuinely have to go prioritize other things for now that will help me build these skills hahaha. I say this but who knows, seeing my current track record haha, look I can do both. I follow wherever my creativity takes me. I may have missed a few things but I have to wrap this up now!

Thank you again! The final takeaway, go watch Castlevania again and go be inspired by animation <33333

[callme-holly]

Hello there, I saw you were taking requests, (free feel to ignore this) but I was wondering if you could do a younger version of the gang and a younger. Meeting when they were kids, like really cute, and the gang and reader having crushes. Like very childish. Hope you have a great day!

-🐭

𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐠 (𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧)

a/n: this is so cute i canttttt

Darry Curtis:

You and Darry first meet each other when you’re around 10. You both spotted each other in the playground, and he was already incredibly responsible and serious, looking after his brothers and chasing after them. 

You first spoke when his younger brother Sodapop knocked you over and you scraped your knee. Darry was very quick to help you, and like the little gentleman he is, he apologised profusely and checked you over, cleaning you off.

After that, he made it his job to protect you and wouldn’t let a single kid make fun of you. He definitely had a tiny crush on you and would get flustered anytime you hugged him or smiled at him. 

Sodapop Curtis:

 You met Soda when you were both 8, and he immediately adored you. He developed a little crush on you very quickly and would always bring you little flowers or pictures. 

He was always trailing after you, helping you whenever you needed and making sure you were happy. He loved when you laughed at his jokes and would always try to impress you in different, silly ways. 

He would always gush over you to his mom, telling her how pretty you were and how amazing you were.

Ponyboy Curtis:

You and Pony both met when you were 6 in kindergarten. He was a little shy at first and didn’t tend to talk to many people; however, when you introduced yourself, he very quickly came out of his shell. 

He loved to draw with you or sit and look at all the picture books with you, and the two of you would spend hours together. He’d get nervous whenever you’d hug him or hold his hand, his cheeks flushing pink.

He’d always make sure his seat was next to yours, and if you weren’t, he’d be all sad and pouty for the rest of the day.

Johnny Cade:

You and Johnny first met when you were 7, and he was the most timid, sweetest kid ever. He was very quiet and would always stay on the sidelines, but the moment you started talking to him, his whole face lit up, and pretty soon you were both inseparable.

You became his favourite person in the whole world; you’d share snacks at lunch and hold hands wherever you went. He’d get very flustered around you, his cheeks flushing red, and he’d look away. 

One time, you told him he was your “most favourite friend in the whole world,” and he couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day. 

Dallas Winton:

You met Dally at 9, when you caught him getting into some kind of trouble. He was rough and a little guarded, so your first impression of him was that he was rude and not very kind. However, that changed when he protected you at the playground once, and soon you thought the world of him.

He pretended to be too cool for your affection, but he’d secretly get very flustered whenever you’d gush over him. He’d always try to impress you, stealing your snacks or climbing trees to show you how high he could go. 

If someone ever made you upset, he’d go and find them and force them to apologise. 

Steve Randle:

You and Steve met when you were 8, and you thought he was the funniest kid around. He’d always make silly jokes just to hear you laugh or to see you smile, and whenever you did, he’d grin like he’d won a prize.

He’d always race you everywhere, turning everything into a little game, and secretly letting you win almost every single time. He never really gets flustered, and if you ever hug him or hold his hand, he’d just act all smug and cocky. 

Two-Bit Mathews:

You and Two met at 9, and he immediately decided that you were his favourite person to joke around with. He’d always tease you in the sweetest way, pulling on your hair gently and giving you cute little nicknames.

He always enjoyed it when you laughed at his jokes, and one time, he found a cheap little ring and presented it to you like he was proposing. You two definitely had a playground wedding. 

He always shared his snacks with you, sometimes giving you his whole lunch, claiming that he was a gentleman. 

[disgruntleddemon]

so, better world Stan and Fiddleford are not fans of each other at first. Fiddleford doesn't want to be involved in all of this, he's stressed, and Stan won't stop pestering him. Stan thinks Fiddleford should hurry up and bill proof Ford's brain. he's also still hung up on the whole kidnapped by the society thing lmao. meanwhile, Ford is dealing with sleep deprivation, Bill, playing mediator between Stan and Fidd, and trying to rebuild his relationships with them individually.

after project mentem is finished, Fiddleford actually has to talk to Emma May. she's done with his bs, and wants a divorce. of course Ford offers to let him stay. which means he's making a road trip back to palo alto the get the rest of his stuff.

Ford, sick of the constant arguing, basically forces Stan to go with to help, figuring they'll either bond or finally kill each other and get it over with already. i kinda picture this as roadside attraction, but more relevant lol. surprisingly, Ford's plan works, and they return on better terms,

unfortunately, Ford does not take the isolation well. he kinda forgot how much he's come to enjoy actually being around people again. and the last time he was alone was the worst time of his life, which is still pretty fresh in his mind.

he throws himself into obsessively dismantling the portal as a distraction, and is hopped up on coffee and anxiety. Fiddleford and Stan come back to him conked out on a pile of metal <33

During all of this is of course a baffled Emma-May trying to figure out what tf is even happening. Especially why Ford randomly sent his (up until this point, un-mentioned) brother instead of coming himself hkgkf.

here's a fun fact! the banjo thing wasn't something i came up with! it's based on a story my friend recounted of her parents hitchhiking with a guy who played (iirc) a fiddle while driving. i still think about that mental image to this day

*id prefer if this wasn't tagged as fiddlestan*

[moanz111]

i stumbled upon this while scrolling and it's such a well-written post that i just had to share my thought on this too!

first of all, i've been a fanfic reader since i was very young so i know what it feels like to be on the other side. i've been anxious and nervous to reblog or write comments and have never even thought of messaging the authors i read and liked just because i was terrified of being perceived. but trust me, writers are so incredibly grateful for every little interaction they get. i know it can be nerve wracking but you will never be judged for what you have to say! every single piece of feedback and opinion i get means the whole world to me and every time i get a comment, a reblog or an ask makes me so happy, it seriously makes my whole day.

i've been on the writer side since summer 2023 and a couple of months ago i came back after an extremely long hiatus and was so scared and worried because almost a year had passed since i had last promised updates yet i had failed to come back due to many reasons. but then i saw that people still cared and even though i lost most of my readers from back when i first started writing, i was so happy to see that new people were getting interested and were actually willing to talk to me and share their feedbacks. so thank you, to those who have been doing that <3

i don't judge people who decide to stay silent but trust me, there's nothing to fear! writers don't bite, we're human too so of course, naturally we thrive off interactions too, just like anyone else. there isn't a barrier between the two groups - all of us are fans of the same things and share the same interests, this is always a two way relationship.

writing is my hobby and something i like doing but sometimes the silence is killing me especially after coming back from a hiatus 😭 i don't write for notes, i do it for my own enjoyment but still, hearing something nice about your works always feels good and validating!

and about the genres - i see too what's more read and what's popular but it's so sad to hear that authors force themselves to write something that they don't originally really want to just to have someone read their stories. every story is worth giving a chance and authors shouldn't be required to fit themselves into certain boxes just so people pay attention. no one can be forced to read anything of course but my whole point is to be kind to authors and give them a chance because sometimes you can find such gems when you least expect it.

of course, there will always be genres that are more generally liked but we need diversity too so please, writers do what you want and what you love - the right people will appreciate it.

and on that note...i've been mostly writing smaus/texts so i feel like like sometimes it's even harder to get feedback and i think these are not as read as before but i still think it's worth keeping even this genre alive just because it's so fun (at least to me).

i just hope our community here stays alive for longer and starts thriving because it's so sad to see so many people leave :(

just be brave, interact and encourage others to do so too! support your favourite writers because they all are amazing and deserve all the love in this world!

to a dying? atinyblr

i don't usually speak about these things, but a lot of blogs (amazing writers) are leaving this platform or taking time off bc of lack of engagement which serves as a big demotivating factor. especially and specifically in this atiny fandom, some things have come to my attention and i just want all readers and writers to take a look at this post and refresh some reading and writing etiquettes, as well as revive the essence of being a part of this fandom.

feedback:

i understand that there are a lot of silent readers on here, but since tumblr is dying and our fandom is not very huge, the least you can do to show the writers some support is like the post. 

which brings me to the point that the like function didn't even exist in the past. this site still runs on reblogs. as readers, to show your favourite writers some semblance of support, you should be reblogging with tags. a simple ‘#ateez x reader’ or ‘#ateez fics’ is enough. it's literally not asking for much– reblogs are the only way writers can get reach.

if you cannot do that bc of your blog's aesthetic or whatever, side blogs exist. if you still cannot do that, a simple anon ask appreciating the writer sometimes saves them.

also, what has happened to the quality of reblogs? readers consume years of writers’ work and efforts in mere hours and don’t even leave any feedback? art in general in all forms is very underappreciated and with all sorts of problems like plagiarism, ai writing and everything, true art and writing is dying and needs to be appreciated now more than ever. we’re literally the last generation witnessing ai take over in all fields of arts. appreciate content creators before it’s too late, don’t be a content glutton!

updates and requests:

asking writers for updates when they specifically mention that they would prefer posting at their pace is wrong for so many reasons– we all have a real life. you, the reader, do too. just like you don't always have time to read, writers don't always have time to write. do you ever see the writers asking their readers 'why have you not read my latest chapter?' 

most of the times, writers mention in their bio/faq post or elsewhere that they do mind being asked about updates. respect your writers, please, and do a little scroll before you send such demanding asks (also, sugarcoating when asking for updates does not make it any better!)

if you are only asking about updates, it demotivates a lot of writers bc these same people will disappear when it is time for feedback. writing is a form of art. we can write, artists can paint, musicians can compose music, but all of it has no meaning unless it is shared with an audience and appreciated. readers are just as important as the writers but there is no way of knowing fics are valued unless feedback is given.

the same goes for requests. you can only send a request when the requests are open, which is usually mentioned in the writer’s bio/faq post. it’s literally not that hard to check if requests are open and it’s basic decency to not send a request when the writers specifically mention that requests are closed. when sending a request, please be courteous. a ‘please’ or ‘thank you’ are examples of being courteous when sending requests.

the fanfics in atinyblr:

i understand that you can read whatever you like, but why is it that in the atiny fandom, fics that do not contain smut hardly ever get attention? as a writer, i enjoy writing and reading smut, and while i am not specifically a smut blog, i have noticed how fics containing smut get far more reach than fics that do not contain smut– not just in my case, but other amazing writers as well. 

there are such amazing fictions in this fandom. all fics are crafted with dedication and care, yet stories without smut often get sidelined. writers are not able to express themselves in their writing freely anymore and they simply conform to a genre they know readers will consume, as they are forced to consider adding smut to their stories so they can get more reach in this fandom. i have heard accounts from a lot of writers who were inclined to add smut to an otherwise smut-free fic just for reach.

this is by no means hate to the smut writers. i am also not placing blame on them. smut drabbles have always been in this fandom, and there are amazing smut writers out there, doing their thing. it is the readers here who are failing the writers. readers are quick to talk about the lack of ‘good fics’ or ‘plot’ yet will not even bother searching for these works. there used to be a good balance and appreciation for all genres alike.

i know that smut is what's hot and trendy these days, and drabbles in general, no matter the genre, are easier to read when you want to take a short break. but there is such a lack of longfics in this fandom, especially as of lately, and as someone who has personally witnessed the ratio of longfics decrease exponentially, i felt the need to point this out. appreciate all writers! appreciate all genres! longfic writers need as much validation and encouragement as drabble writers, and vice versa! don't be too harsh on longfic writers for not pumping out fics at the same speed as shortfic writers.

and on that note, smut drabble writers experience a lack of quality feedback despite the high engagement, so readers, please don't hesitate to point out exactly what you liked about a fic, even if it's a short drabble! be kind to those writers, give them time to write and be kind when sending requests! they may post more often but they, too, have a life.

tags:

this is specifically for the people who will post a very normal picture of a member, no caption, but tag it something like #ateez smut, #ateez hard hours, #ateez x reader. and for the people who tag their asks with irrelevant tags– literally learn to tag your post properly, and stop crowding the wrong tags. you're just proving the point that if you don't tag a post with the smut tag or something similar, it won't get reach. if you've posted with a caption, that makes sense (though it still doesn't warrant some of the tags being used there).

as for writers, also learn to use your tags appropriately. fics that do not contain smut should not be tagged with smut related tags. believe in yourself. i get that there is the problem of reach but do not overcrowd tags with irrelevant material.

disclaimer:

this is by no means about me. if i cared about the notes, or lack thereof, i would have stopped writing a while ago. while it is challenging to be a writer here, especially as of lately, i still enjoy posting whatever i write no matter the genre or the word count. but it's a bit disappointing that my planned out fics get much less attention than a simple smut headcanons post that i wrote in the heat of the moment with my friend in literally a few hours as a joke (which has reached almost 10k notes btw in a span of 2 years). sure, it has exposed my blog to new readers but that's about it.

this post is for all the amazing writers who have left, are thinking of leaving, or are struggling to voice these problems because they are afraid of being marked as 'problematic' or a 'hater' or something worse. i am not afraid to voice my opinion on here, and if you think that i am wrong, feel free to interact with this post and correct me because i am not claiming that i am right about this.

these are just the observations i have made as someone who has been actively writing on this platform for about 4 years now, and since i have a decent number of followers, i hope this post gets more reach. do not be afraid to reblog this if you agree, and even if you do not, reblog this so someone else gets educated. i may have missed some points so feel free to add if you want too.

[diekleinesuesse]

Being best friends with Felix:

Being best friends with Felix would be an absolute dream. It wouldn’t just be about the fun, bright moments though there would be plenty of those. It would also be about the quiet, comforting presence he brings, the way he makes life feel a little warmer, a little softer, even on the hardest days.

The Beginning of the Friendship

At first, Felix might be a little shy, especially if he doesn’t know you well yet. He’d be polite, kind, and considerate, but there would be a sense of caution until he starts feeling comfortable. Once that happens, it’s over for you. He’s going to attach himself to you like a koala and never let go.

Felix is the type of person who forms deep emotional connections, so becoming his best friend wouldn’t be a casual thing. He’d be all in investing his time, his love, and his energy into making sure you feel valued. He’d remember the little things you like, send you pictures of random things that remind him of you, and always check in to see how your day is going.

The Daily Life of Being Felix’s Best Friend

Felix is someone who thrives on making others happy, so expect a lot of cute gestures. If he hears you had a bad day, he’s immediately showing up with your favorite snack, a playlist of songs to cheer you up, and probably a warm hug. He loves baking, so you’d get to try all his homemade treats first, whether they’re perfect or a complete disaster.

“Try this one! I think I messed up the sugar, but it’s still edible, right?” he’d say, watching you closely as you take a bite. If you pretend it’s bad just to mess with him, he’d dramatically gasp and pretend to cry.

Felix would be the type of best friend who constantly hypes you up. If you’re feeling insecure, he’d shut that down real quick.

“What do you mean you’re not good enough? Do I need to fight you? Because I will,” he’d say, crossing his arms, his freckles scrunching up as he frowns.

But more than anything, he’d make sure you know how much you mean to him.

The Chaos of the Sunshine Energy

Felix has a soft, comforting side, but let’s not forget he’s also chaotic. If you’re his best friend, you’re not just getting cozy, warm Felix; you’re also getting the Felix that dances like a maniac to random music, who suddenly starts singing in a deep voice just to freak people out, and who laughs so hard at dumb jokes that he ends up on the floor.

“Did you see that meme I sent you at 3 AM?” he’d ask, as if that were a normal thing to do.

“You mean the one with the cat wearing sunglasses and breakdancing? Yes, Felix. I saw it.”

“And?”

“It changed my life.”

Felix would 100% drag you into random challenges, whether it’s trying to learn an impossible TikTok dance, doing “rock, paper, scissors” with the punishment of eating something disgusting, or making an overly dramatic music video to a song you both love.

And if you ever prank him? Oh, he’s coming for revenge. Be prepared for unexpected jump scares, your phone mysteriously disappearing, or waking up to find a ridiculous filter added to all your photos.

The Deep Conversations

For all the silliness, Felix is also incredibly introspective and deep. He’s not afraid to have emotional conversations, and if something is bothering you, he’d be the first to notice.

“Talk to me,” he’d say, voice gentle, sitting next to you even if you don’t feel like speaking.

He wouldn’t force you to open up, but he’d make sure you knew he was there. And if you ever needed to cry? Felix would let you, holding your hand or hugging you tightly, whispering soft reassurances.

He’d open up to you, too about his struggles, his fears, his dreams. And when he does, you’d realize that for all his sunshine and warmth, Felix also carries a lot on his shoulders.

“I just want to make people happy,” he’d admit. “But sometimes, I wonder if I’m enough.”

And that’s when you’d remind him, just like he always reminds you, that he is more than enough.

The Protective Side of Felix

Felix is a softie, but don’t let that fool you he’s also fiercely protective. If someone ever upsets you, he’d be ready to throw hands.

“Do I need to go talk to them? Because I will,” he’d say, eyebrows furrowed.

If you were nervous about something like an important event or a big decision he’d be right by your side, holding your hand (literally or metaphorically) and telling you you’ve got this.

Felix wouldn’t let anyone disrespect you, not even yourself. If he hears you being too hard on yourself, he’ll shut it down immediately.

“Hey. My best friend is amazing, and if they don’t see that, then they don’t deserve to be around you.”

Spending Time with Stray Kids

Being Felix’s best friend would also mean getting close to the other Stray Kids members. They’d tease Felix endlessly about how much he talks about you.

“Felix, do you have any friends besides [Your Name]?” Han would joke.

“Nope,” Felix would reply shamelessly.

The members would treat you like family, and Felix would love having you around during their schedules. You’d get to watch their rehearsals, joke around with them backstage, and be part of the fun.

And let’s not forget game nights at the dorm. Felix would absolutely drag you into Mario Kart battles, Just Dance competitions, and chaotic board games. If you beat him, he’d dramatically fall to the floor, claiming he’s been betrayed.

A Forever Friendship

At the end of the day, being best friends with Felix wouldn’t just be about the fun and chaos. It would be about unconditional love, support, and knowing that no matter what happens, you have someone who will always be there for you.

He’d be the kind of best friend who never lets you forget your worth, who makes life feel like an adventure, and who reminds you that even in the darkest times, there’s always light.

Because that’s who Felix is. A sunshine personified, a best friend anyone would be lucky to have.

[forgive00]

EMERGENCY: help two young disabled trans youth escape an actively dangerous and abusive home

(more under the cut about why this is an urgent matter, if you have any more questions send me an ask or dm me please)

we need 5,000 to put down a deposit on an apartment, pay first months rent, utilities and bills, and buy furniture, groceries, and any appliances or random household things we may need like silverware dishes medicine etc. any extra money will be put towards more household expenses and rent. any money beyond that will go towards getting us both into therapy and regular doctors appointments which we both very much need.

0/5,000 $ GOAL, ANYTHING AT ALL HELPS (EVEN IF YOU JUST SHARE!)

please read our story below and share this post to anyone you know who can support us or just reblog. i cannot stress enough this is extremely urgent, we are in a very hostile and unsafe environment and i am very afraid for our futures and safety if we are living here for any longer.

hi, this is embarrassing and humiliating, but i am in an emergency situation and desperately need to escape my abusers and to live somewhere that is safe for me. it has always been dangerous here but the situation has vastly escalated. my best friend and life partner, august, has been living with me and my biological parents since november after becoming homeless. i have lived with my parents my entire life not by choice, since i have turned 18 i have been trying constantly to escape and move out and they have deliberately sabotaged me every single time, even going so far as to say they would physically force me inside the house and barricade the door to stop me if they knew i was trying to leave them. my living situation is really, really fucking bad. my house is and has been incredibly dirty my entire life and i am expected to do every single chore in the house no matter what despite the fact i am very physically disabled and work a full time job, i am not allowed to eat or have access to food or water or the kitchen after around 10 pm, a lot of the time i have to eat in secret because i get mocked and made fun of for eating or "gaining weight" (i have had a lifelong eating disorder my family actively tries to trigger and encourage and they have made it very clear they do not like me recovering or seeking therapy for it). my father in particular is very aggressive and has physically abused me countless times and i live in terror every single day that it will happen again. every single day i am emotionally abused, manipulated, and gaslit by my parents. and this is just whats happening to me, august has had his access to a house and place to sleep threatened repeatedly, my parents have even gone so far as to try and gaslight us both into thinking he stole from them so they could have a reason to kick him out, even though they personally invited him to live with us and are aware he would be homeless if he wasnt here.

ontop of all of this, my family is aggressively and very openly transphobic and homophobic, and i genuinely fear for our lives staying in this house any longer as we are both on hrt and actively transitioning. i cut contact with my abusive grandmother two years ago, and my mother has recently started talking to her and telling her extremely personal information behind my back about my transition, my rape, my disability diagnosis, virtually anything they can both use against me they are using against me.

we cannot keep living here. i need to get away from them as fast as possible. we are moving to another town to cut contact with both my biological family and augusts.

[punkpandapatrixk]

Full Wolf Moon in Cancer ♦︎ Moon Magick Pick A Card

The first FM of 2025, although aenergetically still a full moon of the previous year, the Full Wolf Moon was in Cancer on 14th January. Food is scarce during winter and the wolves howl more because of that🐺My gosh, aren’t we hungry for more sustenance?🍕Amazingly, the Cancer aenergy is all about food and nutrition!🥗Starting this FM, you may feel the urge to develop a healthier relationship with food and sustenance~♦︎

The world is healing and so many people are elevating spiritually, and with that, our awareness of the relationship between what we consume and how that affects the mind and body grows correspondingly. The true revolution of humanity is Environmentalism!🫒This is also a time the Full Moon invites us to reconsider what we individually deem as ‘healthy work-life balance’. It’s a good idea to move the body more and/or create things with our very own hands; reminds modern people what it means to be…Human. To be actively human🤸‍♀️

If you’ve ever sustained some kind of trauma related to ‘hard work’ in which you felt underappreciated⚰️or that your efforts gave you no gain whatsoever in return💰and all that you got was heartache…💔this FM in Cancer is inviting you to reframe that trauma🧬Starting this year, if and when it suits you, try to 'get back to nature' by refamiliarizing yourself with touching real materials or making real things that stimulate the creativity through motion~♪

You are Human—you're supposed to emote a lot🏄‍♀️And most of all, whilst learning to ‘live again’, so to speak, remember that your T.I.M.E is essentially unlimited as you live fully in the present moment~♡

move: Ballerina CORE & POSTURE Workout by Everyday Ballet

make: Those Famous Blue Chinese Bowls Come From This Town by Goldthread

deck-bottom: 9 of Swords, Gold Magus (Johannes Faustus), Priestess of Happiness

[Moon PAC Masterlist] [Patreon] [Paid Readings] [buymeaboba]

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – The Reclamation of Individual Thought!

pizzaaa: New York Pizza Vs. Italian Pizza by Joshua Weissman

mind – 7 of Cups

You are such a gentle Soul—and most likely identify as an altruist?🕊There’s a chance you have significant Mercury/Virgo/6H or Venus/Libra/7H placements. You’re the type of person who genuinely values every person’s individual thought, input and opinions on a matter. Actually, you’re a natural-born peacemaker and this penchant for listening and appreciating people’s individual preferences is in essence a display of your deep empathy and incredible intelligence🦌

Buutt…a little downside to this is that you sometimes put yourself last. You don’t think you’re important enough or you simply get confused. Thing is, if you never took the chance to prioritise your own ideas, perceptions and opinions on a matter, you’d never matter either🦑And that wouldn’t be fun at all, because deep down, you yearn to be recognised as someone unique who has a plethora of interesting perspectives!⚖️

The Full Wolf Moon in Cancer has sent an invitation for you to gradually develop a sense for individual thinking🍳Check out the strengths and uniqueness of your Mercury sign and placement (as well as what it’s aspected with) and find your validation for a very unique way you can communicate/express all of the wonderful ideas that are stored inside of YOU~🥘

body – 2 of Cups

Still within the realm of talking/eating here, oohh…someone needs to fix their relationship with food and learn balanced eating here🌞The Cancer/4H and Capricorn/10H axis is all about tradition and responsibility. Some of you tuning into this as your main pile may have dealt with varying levels of imbalance in the way you eat or how much you eat🥡This has everything to do with a forced sense of ‘control’ and ‘discipline’. In astrology, Cancer is mother and Capricorn is father—now go figure how this applies to your situation😉

This FM you’re being invited to reframe the ‘trauma’ that’s the root cause of this imbalanced eating, so to speak. It’s all emotional, honey. Eating disorders of any kind is rooted in the emotions—I’d suggest looking on YouTube some videos by Teal Swan on this topic; very enlightening🍵Anyway, you can also look up ways and methods to balance and strengthen your Sacral and Throat chakras. Eating and talking are all within the realms of those two chakra points🥭

Other than that, whether or not you have problems with eating enjoyably and sanely, this FM is also inviting you to rethink what tradition or custom means to you on a personal and spiritual level🍱

spirit – 10 of Pentacles Rx

All of this rumination that you’re being invited to partake in, ultimately will lead to developing a stronger sense for individual thinking🐉See? It’s all leading back to that. People naturally should be responsible for their own thoughts and decision making, irrespective of what kind of tradition or community they were born into. Freedom in thinking is man’s greatest treasure that should be cherished. This FM is simply inviting you to rediscover your sense of unique identity whilst being part of a community or any other kind of a collective🌕

The truth of the matter is—especially if this has been your main pile—you’re part of a group of Souls (ironic🤣) that are meant to break some rules in this Hyper Game. Now, if you’re going to break rules and customs, you need to know how they were built in the first place, then can you intelligently decide the values that are inconvertibly good and then discard or improve upon whatever no longer serves the Highest Good of the community🍊

You’re a System Buster. I know you know that deep within your Soul. As much as you care about people, also understand that YOU~ ain’t responsible for saving nobody. People don’t need saving as much as they need a reminding. If tomorrow extraterrestrials came down from the heavens, even they wouldn’t save nobody from the misery of their own creation—aliens most likely are just going to remind Humans that the only thing capable of saving them is just them quitting being so negative, conflicty and shitty in the first place🐀

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Silver Historian (Polydore Vergil) & Priestess of Inspiration

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Pile 2 – Flirting with Life Because You Have a Lot to Offer~★

pizzaaa: Midnight Margherita Pizza in Naples by Jamie Oliver & Gennaro Contaldo

mind – King of Wands

‘Life is colourful!’🎨I feel like that’s the numero uno vibe that you’ve been enveloped in lately (or soon to experience) due to your own elevation in vibration. Other than elevation, you may have done something to further shield or protect yourself from all of the world’s low-vibrational thought and emotional patterns. In essence, if this is your main pile, you’ve done a massive spiritual purge—which seems to be a message that has been coming up a lot in the collective lately—and all of that shadow work, so to speak, is bearing fruits~🫐🍓🥝

With all of the limiting beliefs from which you’ve managed to set yourself free, you’ve come to a much, much deeper understanding of how your states of mind, moods, and sense of inspiration all hold the magical codes for co-Creation with the ever-benevolent Universe💫Essentially, what comes after that is either complete faith in the trajectory of your Destiny, or you’ve simply given up on feeling anxious about where you’re being led to, or both🦉Oh! Isn’t that so liberating~?🐣

Babe, people call something magic when they don’t understand its logic, but to those who do truly understand magic, quite everything about it is scientific🎼This year is all about you awakening more fully to the magic deep within, and seeing and experiencing for yourself how your physical Reality gradually aligns with your personal values and desires~🐾

body – 6 of Pentacles

Those of you who’ve been struggling financially, this FM was a gateway towards your physical abundance, for real. Basically, whether or not you were struggling financially, there was a sense of lack or limitation that was always making you feel unstable or insecure. You couldn’t always do or get what you needed when you needed it. Starting this FM—and yes, this is your theme throughout 2025—you’ll be seeing for real how your sense of ‘security’ or ‘abundance’ gets rectified by the Universe~⚖️

For some people, yes, it is about money or a job opportunity; for some others, this could revolve around time spent with loved ones, or even a greater sense of ease in pursuing your creative hobbies/interests. Bottom line is, trust that this FM in Cancer is opening up the floodgates of GOOD VIBES and confidence what will make your entire year so much easier to navigate. I sense that this in itself is just preparation for you to manifest something MUCH, MUCH, MUCH MORE VALUABLE than this peace of mind🚁

I’m hearing: before the summer, use this time to take very good care of your physical avatar. Eat whatever you like as much or as little as you want, and see for yourself what kind of eating habits suit you~🌭

spirit – 4 of Cups Rx

If this is your main pile, you surely have worked tirelessly at something that actually took away a great amount of JOY from your everyday Reality. I’m being told—and I’m being told that you need to really, really believe this—that all of the good times you’ve missed during survival or trauma healing or shadow work are going to be fully compensated by the abundant Universe🛍🎡🥂

Lately I’ve been seeing these vids on YouTube that have titles like: ‘God can make up for your lost time’ or something along those lines~🥞Maybe such ‘prophetic words’ could heal some of the emotional pain you’ve sustained during spiritual purging🍋It may seem endless at times, but if you’ve resonated with this pile so far, your Spirit Guides are insisting that your GOOD TIMES are chasing you hard this year🌊🌊🌊

With that said, keep the faith, act like it’s already yours—because it really already is; and most of all, know that you deserve all of this goodness because the ‘you’ now also have so much good to share with the world!🌟🌟🌟

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Silver Alchemist (Ramon Llull) & Priestess of Healing

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – Figuring Out More Deeply How the Matrix Works!

pizzaaa: How to Make Perfect Pizza by Gennaro Contaldo

mind – XIX The Sun

Wow! Two major arcana for you, boo~🍻But listen, Pile 3 aenergy is somewhat heavy in the sense that you do have a huge responsibility in this incarnation—and I’ve a feeling this is a pile not that many people are gonna choose or resonate with🦞

It’s very likely that this year you’re going to begin reuniting with your—let’s say… Soul Comrades? lol🦁These are the Souls that share multitudes of mission with you and of course many of them could be true Soul Fam, but there are just as many that aren’t necessarily family with you on a Soul level. This is big, ma man—if this is your main pile, you’re obviously an important, high-ranking Celestial who has infused your consciousness deep into the Earth-Matrix Experience (Human ver.) programme🐦‍🔥🐲

Did you know that you came here to hijack the Game—the System?👾Your entire Life you were learning to redirect aenergy and thought, as part of the liberation of Mankind’s collective consciousness. You’ve the ability/access to hijack back the matrices of evil and suffering by entering and rearranging codes in the Records!🕹

body – 9 of Pentacles

Now this FM being in the Cancer-Capricorn axis—the axis of traditional values—you may have felt a deep desire to ‘touch grass’ more lol🍃The last time Pluto was in Capricorn, or when Capricorn Pluto generation (equivalent of today’s Gen Alpha) were young adults, Humanity was in the Romantic Era. This era came right after the Industrial Revolution whereby intellectual young adults rebelled against rapid ‘modernisation’ by deliberately returning to what was beautiful and poetic albeit impractical—but that is exactly the point, right?🌷

If you’ve chosen this as your main pile, chances are, you’re someone who inherently appreciates the beauty of the natural world🪺You could still be into technology and are appreciative of the ease of modern amenities, but deep down, you know that ‘modernity’ shouldn’t have to equal drabness or ugly buildings—or ugly everything on that matter🦚

What you’re being led to, aenergetically speaking, is an awareness of this mechanism of how ‘evil powers’ that are holding this Matrix hostage are deliberately making everything uglier so as to kill the Human Spirit🥀And thus, by realising this trick and noticing the patterns, you’re meant to rebel against the equilibrium of boredom by being weirder and more colourful still~🌈

spirit – VIII Strength Rx

What Humanity is going through right now, I’m sure you of all people understand that we’re watching the crumbling of the establishment that was founded on deceit and funded by lies, in real-time🍭That’s why economies are weakening and so many are struggling for food and other forms of basic necessities. But for you, Pile 3, it could be that you’ve been swimming in that exact frequency for a while…🧆

But starting this FM—and for the rest of the year if not the rest of your Life—you’re going to be so abundant now that you’ve finished gathering data for why the Human Matrix is filled with a ‘lack consciousness’—not just mindset but ‘consciousness’ altogether🍬Right now, there’s a sense of needing to rest… No, actually, from now on, you’ll always have the freedom to manipulate Reality—aenergy and timeline and such—in accordance to what you like, when you like it🍽

You aren’t doing this all by yourself, you know. Your Spirit Guides and Cosmic Ancestors are all in this with you. Anyway, learn to embrace this feeling of peace because you seem like you’ve forgotten🎂You have the power to choose to be so deeply grounded in your Divine Consciousness that nothing outside of that calm can shake your foundation~🥘

full moon self-care🔻🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘

Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler) & Priestess of Luxury

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[redgoldsparks]

January Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut. You might notice the layout image looks different! I have switched to using the Storygraph wrap up and I'm now linking to the Storygraph reviews as well :)

The Sweetness Between Us by Sarah Winifred Searle 

Perley and Amandine are both readjusting to high school life after a major health crisis. Perley was diagnoses with diabetes; Amandine was turned into a vampire after a car crash nearly ended her life. They bond in remedial classes over just wishing their lives could go back to normal. Perley tentatively rejoins the knitting club; Amandine wants to rejoin a sports team but struggles with exhaustion; both of them have less energy than they had before. Their friendship develops into something more, but can they maintain a romance when they are both still figuring out their own shit? This is a very sweet slice of life story with a fun dash of the supernatural. I wanted a little more from some of the queer themes; I spent most of the book unsure of Perley's pronouns. But I was absolutely rooting for these two oddball teens to find their way back to each other.

LaserWriter II by Tamara Shopsin

This is a novel, loosely, but more so it's a little window back into a specific era of repairable technology and the people who were drawn to it. Set almost entirely in a (real, I think) Mac repair shop in New York City in the 1990s, this book jumps from backstory to backstory, introducing a range of self-taught computer fanatics. The cast and the story both feel wide but not deep. I didn't get to know anyone well, not even Claire, the newest hire and lead character. It did give me some serious nostalgia, even though I was really too young in this era to really have any meaningful relationship with it's technology. A weird but charming little book.

The City in Glass by Nghi Vo, read by Susan Dalian

The demon Vitrine has been nurturing, building, challenging and haunting the port city of Azril for hundreds of years when the angels come to burn it to the ground. She tries to defend her people from the heavenly attack but only succeeds in cursing one of angel, embedding a thorn of spite in his side. When his brothers leave, he is forced to stay, and since he has nothing else to do, he watches her begin the long, painful process of cleaning and rebuilding. This is a dreamy stream of consciousness book with less plot that I'm used to from Nghi Vo. I'll admit this one captured me less than her work usually does though the prose is very beautiful.

The Concierge at the Hokkyoku Department Store vol 1 by Tsuchika Nishimura 

Akino is a new hire at the Hokkyoku Department Store, a store build to serve talking animal customers including many unusual and nearly extinct species. Akino must find a way to be present, polite and helpful without hovering or intruding on the customers experience. This is harder than it sounds, especially with fussy managers always watching the store floors! Sweet, silly, and very warm hearted. I like the delicate, retro lineart style.

The Gentle Art of Fortune Hunting by KJ Charles read by Cornell Collins 

Another fun historical m/m romance from KJ Charles, this one more in the comedy of manners genre. I had a good time with it, I liked the leads, and as usual the secondary characters really shown. I did wish the enemies part of the enemies to lovers plot had lasted a bit longer, and the overall silliness of the story isn't going to make this the first Charles book I rec to anyone unfamiliar with her work, but it kept me entertained.

Noodle and Bao by Shaina Lu 

Momo loves living in Town 99, a historically Chinese neighborhood where she knows everyone and all the best places to eat and hang out. But things are changing. Her parents are worried about making rent, and her favorite restaurant was kicked out of its location and now operates out of a cart. The owner of the new restaurant, Fancé Cafe, has big plans to buy out the whole block and upscale everything. Momo rallies her friends and neighbors to fight back against the gentrification. This is a very sweet book for young readers, with talking animal characters and whimsical food battles interwoven with community organizing. An epilogue explains the issues around gentrification for a child who might not have encountered it before.

Brownstone by Samuel Leer and Mar Julia 

Almudena grew up with her white mom, always wondering about the Guatemalan father she'd never met. Until one summer mid-high school when her mom heads off to Europe for a dance tour and drops her off at the Brooklyn brownstone her father, Xavier, is renovating. Almudena has to navigate around a language barrier, an through unfamiliar neighborhood, and into a close knit Latino community many of whom see her as not brown enough to count. But Almudena is determined not to let this opportunity to know her father slip away. This is such a warmhearted book, funny and kind, with a really well developed cast. The art and the writing make a perfect whole, capturing a deeply specific mid-1990s moment. I've been following the artist's self published releases for years and I'm so happy to see their work shine in a full length book!

Leap by Simina Pepesco 

Ana is a college student in a contemporary dance program in Budapest, but her heart has fallen out of dancing. She skips her own classes to spent time rehearsing with her secret girlfriend, Carina, an ambitious ballerina in the classical program. Her new roommate, Sara, transferred out of classical and into contemporary and is thriving in the new, more supportive environment. She's also starting to develop feelings for the kind teacher, Marlena, who helped her transfer. Both of them are struggling to figure out their relationships with their art, as well as their sexualities, as well as how safe or not safe it feels to be out at their private, gossip-prone school. This is a really well told and well drawn coming of age story; I also really appreciated it as a story of queer friendship which complicated some of the standard narratives around first crushes/first relationships/coming out being kind of anti-climatic, half affirming, half disappointing. Definitely recommend!

Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar 

What a book! Several of my friends called this one of their top reads of last year and I can see why. The book centers around Cyrus Shams, a poet and recovering addict, who was raised in the US by a single father. The pair left Iran when Cyrus was a baby after his mother was killed in a passenger plane, shot down by mistake by the US army. In his late 20s, Cyrus is mostly drifting through life, working weird part time jobs, sometimes writing, trying to stay sober. He wants to write about the concept of martyrdom, about dying for a cause, or what makes people consider a death meaningful. When he hears of a Persian artist literally hosting her last weeks as she dies of cancer in the Brooklyn Museum of Art, Cyrus flies to New York City to speak with her. Their conversations will impact him more than he could ever have dreamed. This is an usually structured book, full of flashbacks, alternate POVs, dream sequences. It's rich with layers of symbolism and meaning, especially with repeated references to names, to lineage, to legacy, the lingering trauma of violence and revolution, and what a life of art demands from the artist. This book surprised and moved me. I'm delighted that it was chosen by my book club, so I've got a lengthy conversation with friends about this book to look forward to!

The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde read by Susan Duerden 

The Eyre Affair is a mystery-crime-sci-fi-comedy novel for the literary nerd. It is set in England in an alternate universe version of the 1980s, in which cloning of extinct animals for household pets is common, time travel looked down on as wretched career choice, and literary crimes get their own whole division in the police force. Thursday Next is a veteran of the Crimean War (which has been running more than a century) and a Lit Crimes special agent- her expertise is immediately needed when a priceless Dickens' manuscript is stolen by a thief whose image does not register on film. Things quickly get strange- and also hilarious.

Re-read in 2025: I revisited this after reading and loving Jasper Fforde's stand alone sci-fi novel Early Riser last year. Unfortunately, The Eyre Affair suffered in comparison- the main villain of the book is very weak, and I can now see the pacing issues of this debut novel. I still found it very funny and probably caught more of the classic lit jokes than I did last time, but it's no longer the Fforde novel I'd suggest people start with. Try one of his more recent works! 

She Loves to Cook and She Loves to Eat vol 3 by Sakaomi Yuzaki translated by Caleb Cook

This series just keeps getting more and more adorable! This volume introduced two new characters, and I braced for a moment hoping they wouldn't be rivals to the main couple, who are very slowly beginning to flirt. I should not have doubted!! Both newbies immediately seen that Nomoto and Kasuga are interested in each other and begin to cheer lead/wing man from the sides. Plus, in the author's note, the author talks about selling merch for a Japanese organization supporting marriage equality. I can't wait to read more!

[airimafuyu]

An analysis of the recent More More Jump MV "FUN!!", and how it symbolizes the main story and the early stories:

-

We could say that Minori is some kind of hero here, with the rest being needed to be saved; They all have keyholes in the shape of hearts, which could represent how they're "stuck in only giving up their dream of being an idol", as when it is unlocked, they and their "heart" are set free and are finally able to become idols again at their heart's content. Now let's talk about the things surrounding them all.

Shizuku is seen as a very tall figure here, surrounded by helicopters and buildings, because in Cheerful * Days, she was only forced to maintain her "perfect idol" image and was ever only seen that way, which she did not like much because she wanted to be who she truly was–especially when the other members were jealous of her.

Airi is surrounded by Happy Everyday masks–representing how she was only forced to do variety shows and never being able to perform as an idol at all.

Haruka is being trapped by spines, unable to move at all– representing how she couldn't move her legs in the ASRUN concert due to the guilt.

The next thing that happens in the MV is that Minori saves them all, their clothes becoming idol costumes, so they can become idols again, as mentioned before.

However, Minori doesn't have an idol costume after that, yet. Why?

In the early stories, she was still trying hard to become an idol with the rest of MMJ, this is also why Airi is leading them all upstairs, because she was the first focus ever (Time to RE:START!) and she had finally gotten the group to move forward with her suggestion with freelancing— Atleast what I'm seeing myself!! But let's get back into Minori.

Minori was still a beginner idol, so (from Hear me! Hopeful Show♪) most people that didn't know her disliked her for not being well known. She kept getting those comments so much that she started to doubt she would become an idol at all,

And this caused her to fall down.

However the rest of MMJ members refused to let her fall, them becoming the heroes to save her, and now she has the idol costume like the rest of them because now she has hope with becoming an idol no matter what, now that she also realized she has fans that adore her too.

Then the wings appear on her! This heavily references Tenshi no Clover, of course.

The rest of the MV is them all performing here and there, they've finally come a long way up to this point.

And in the end, we see this one kid seeing them all perform, I don't know if it's Minori because the hairstyle is similar but at the same time it's not really but if she is, I can say that she's watching them all on stage, watching HER current self on stage which puts a huge smile on her face.

Sorry if I got anything wrong!! I'm a MMJ lover too but I've forgotten a bit on how the stories went feel free to correct anything :)

[thenweatefivesoups]

I would like to take a moment to talk about a Dog Man character.

This character is super popular. Some people hate this character with a passion. Some people think this character is adorable. Not many people think this character is very deep.

But I do, and I'd like to talk about him for a second.

Think you have a guess?

It's Li'l Petey.

You may not agree with me. After all, he's the kid-appeal character who loves poop jokes and diarrhea punchlines just for the fun of it. "He can't possibly be that deep!", you say.

But consider how he came into existence: cloned from the (so-called) world's most evilest cat, created to do nothing but heinous acts, and when he didn't fulfill that purpose and instead acted like himself, he was abandoned.

Not even a day old, and not only did he get abandoned by his only caretaker, he eventually found the strength somewhere to forgive him. And not only that, but claim that this caretaker is, quote "easy to love".

It takes a ton of compassion, a truckload of love, to forgive something as traumatic as that. And later, in Grime and Punishment, Li'l Petey encourages Petey to do the same to his father. Make no mistake, this is not because Grampa deserves it; rather, it's because resentment, as Carrie Fisher once put it, "is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

While Li'l Petey forgives those who did wrong to him, he does not redeem everyone. Sure, he reformed Flippy, Molly, and Petey, and attempted to do it to Piggy, but my main point is that he stopped trying to reform Grampa. He talks to him in For Whom the Ball Rolls about love being an action in addition to a feeling:

And then he visits Cat Jail in Fetch-22, thinking Grampa's changed. After all, if the most cold-hearted villains (Petey, Flippy) had good hearts deep down, couldn't his Grampa have one too?

But after the eighth book, other than a brief "good night" in Grime and Punishment, Li'l Petey completely stops interacting with Grampa. He doesn't even say a word to him in Big Jim Begins, despite the fact that they crossed paths multiple times. Why is that?

Because when they went to Cat Jail, he was tricked, knocked out, and the next thing he knew, he was waking up in a recycling bin.

You've gotta wonder if this gave him flashbacks. To when his life was hard, and filled with fright, after he suddenly became an unloved orphan. At the very least, this would have spooked him, especially since he ran home (this kid's a pigeon I'm telling you) and saw Grampa disguised as Petey, but no sign of his Papa.

The last thing I want to talk about is character development. Yes, even if it isn't as obvious as Petey or Chief, he did have some growth beyond what was mentioned earlier. Certainly more than Dog Man did (ha).

Initially, Li'l Petey constantly keeps his head in the clouds; Petey points this out in For Whom The Ball Rolls. He's a driving force of optimism and compassion, which sets him apart from other goofy kid characters, especially Molly. (I should right an essay about that too)

But Li'l Petey is kind to a fault. He invites his grandfather to his house to make his Papa feel better, and their house is trashed and eventually robbed. He convinces his Papa to visit him, thinking he can change just like those he reformed did, and they both got drugged. He leaves the house to save the world, and his Grampa leaves to end it. Ultimately, the end of Fetch-22 is when Li'l Petey finally stopped trying to redeem Grampa, instead opting to forgive him and move on.

In Grime and Punishment, Petey asks if he only fights when he's face-to-face with pure evil. Initially, Li'l Petey doesn't respond. But guess what happened three books later?

He did encounter pure evil. And obliterated it.

Contrary to popular belief, he's not always a pacifist; he's learned when to fight and when to use love over the course of the story. That kind of growth is very subtle and very underrated.

And that concludes my analysis on a Dog Man character who many find "annoying" and "pointless". And as this supposedly annoying, pointless character always says: