#getting closer and closer to the Kyana I had before

[herearedragons]

....okay, time to unpack Lost in Dreams.

So I've already talked (a lot) about how just fighting through the Tower is going to have some lasting effects on Kyana, but then I got to the Fade.

A while back, I was thinking about why Kyana, with her interest in learning as much magic as possible, never learns shapeshifting from Morrigan. I decided that the reason was because shapeshifting makes her uncomfortable, which kind of tracks with her personality; shapeshifting requires flexibility and the ability to deeply understand other creatures, which are not her strong suits.

So, playing the Fade section, I decided that the same goes for Fade shapeshifting: she hates it. She uses it as a tool, but she's extremely uncomfortable being a mouse or a giant rock thing or a dude on fire instead of just being herself. And the way I played the first half of the Fade ended up kind of aligning with that; Kyana's spells were so good for this particular situation (virulent walking bomb + petrify/stonefist instakill in particular were a great combo) that I barely used shapeshifting in combat - until I did.

Eventually, I did begin to run into scenarios that were clearly designed for a specific form, like a room with two Arcane Horrors that kill you instantly unless you use the magic-resistant spirit form, or clusters of far-away enemies that can be easily taken out with the burning man's fireball (Kyana still doesn't have any elemental AoEs), or getting swarmed by enemies in close combat and panic-transforming into a golem and swinging and swinging and swinging until there's no one left standing. (bonus points for getting swarmed by other golems)

And that's when I remembered a really old headcanon that I came up with on the original Kyana playthrough: that being trapped in the Fade changes her. It's fine at first, but nightmare after nightmare, corridor after corridor, having to become things she's not and fight and consume things in the Fade to keep going, she starts to lose her sense of self a little bit. The transformations become easier, but she uses her original form less. She becomes numb to the twisted permutations of the Tower. She keeps going ang going ang going with a single-minded purpose of destroying this prison, and when she finally finds her party members again, it takes her a moment to recognize them.

And if I'm already going there, I thought it'd be fun to give the party a moment sometime towards the end of Lost in Dreams where this becomes really apparent. One idea I had is having her transform when freeing a party member and then have trouble transforming back. The first one she found happened to be Zevran, so it would be a cool callback if, for example, she got stuck in the golem form after defeating his torturers and the sight of the Dalish gloves she gave him reminded her of who she was. Or it could be a moment at the very end of the quest, when all of the party is together again, so that everyone has to contribute to bringing her back. Wynne and Alistair are actually the people who know her best at that point, so it would be cool to give them a chance to say something to her.

I like this story point, tbh. It makes sense; Kyana's mental state is already not great when she enters the Fade, and then she has to fight alone through several versions of the Tower being destroyed over and over again, and let herself be changed by it in order to survive. She comes out faster, stronger, more powerful, and... different. It's just too much. She's still a young mage, and she's doing what, apparently, even older and more experienced enchanters couldn't pull off. Something has to give at some point.

I have more to say about that and also the rest of Broken Circle and saving Connor, but this post is already really long, so I'll just make another one later.

[lypreila]

The First Kiss - FenHawke? ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

YES.  Thank you!  You’re the best!!! 

Fenris had decided that he liked this extra work.  Guarding a party, while similar to what he’d done for Denarius, was different enough that he could deal with the job.  And the perks…. Well…. The perks were nice as well.  He watched Hawke, who stood in a corner quietly chatting with Aveline, wrapped in a black dress that hugged every curve till her calves, where it flared in light pleats.  Her silvery blonde hair was down for once, falling to her middle back in waves, and, as he watched, she bowed her head, chuckling at something Aveline had said.  She appeared uneasy here, among the rich, though she hid it well enough.  The way she gripped her wine spoke to him of discomfort, and she was drinking more than she normally seemed to.  

The Viscount’s son approached the pair, bowing and holding his hand out to Hawke, an offer, an invitation.  She nodded, placing her drink down upon a sideboard, and swept out onto the dance floor with him.  Aveline moved his direction, her smile wide.

“Well, she didn’t want to come, but Leandra and I managed to convince her that it’d be fun.  I’m glad we did.”  

“Perhaps.  She seems ill at ease.”  Fenris murmured, beginning another circuit of the room before he moved to check the halls and exits, drawing Aveline with him.  “So do you, for that matter.”  

“Well, this was never my scene.  Short doses are fine, but every so often I need to step away.  I’m not interested in giving nobles the idea that the Captain of the Guard is amenable to their suggestions.”  She rolled a shoulder in an awkward shrug.  “May as well walk with you on this round.  She’ll be fine with Saemus.”  

Fenris was silent for a moment as they moved towards the estate’s back entrance, then looked over at Aveline, whose eyes scanned the dark as soon as they stepped outside, always alert, always looking to the safety of her friends.  So like Kya, yet so different too.  

“You care for her?”  

Aveline stopped short for a moment, obviously surprised by the question.  

“Of course.  Hawke saved my life.  I’m not sure that we would’ve made it from Lothering had the Hawke’s not come upon Wesley and I.  As it was Wesley….well…. I blamed her for that for a little while.  But that passed.  I saw sense.  And it was her uncle, filthy git that he is, that helped us get into the city when so many Fereldan refugees were being turned away.  People starving in the docks, suspicious Templars everywhere…”    She trailed off, eyes unfocused and haunted for a moment before she shook her head. “She is as a sister to me, though I couldn’t presume to call myself such after Bethany.”  

Fenris nodded.  They had arrived at the doors, and he proceeded, for the third time this night, to check that the locks and traps hadn’t been disturbed.  They continued on the round, moving onto safer topics, if musing about the Qunari could be considered safer.  Eventually they did come upon something. A pair of thieves, Carta by their brands, had somehow snuck into the basement, and were having a grand time picking out artwork to steal and drinking wine until Aveline and Fenris came upon them.  It wasn’t even a fight - they were young, putting up their hands and grinning sheepishly.  Aveline rolled her eyes, suppressing a smile as she looked at Fenris.  He merely shrugged, and continued on his rounds, leaving Aveline to haul them back to the Keep, or do with them what she would.  

He didn’t think much of the fact that Hawke wasn’t there when he returned, but as the minutes passed he found her continued absence worried him.  His concern took him from the great room, scanning the halls, moving quickly and silently, but it wasn’t till he heard laughter, cruel and mocking, that the knot in his stomach tightened.  When he stepped around the corner he saw her, a pale flame leaning heavily against a side table, one gloved hand over her mouth.  Three others were there.  Two men, one tall with the paunch that spoke of his best years being behind him, and a younger one, still with some muscle left, who had Saemus Dumar pinned to the wall, arms jacked up behind him.  Both were wearing Templar formal uniforms.  Fenris stilled for a moment, unsure.  

“Little noble boys shouldn’t consort with Mages, Saemus!!  Don’t you know better by now?”  The older one said with a sneer, leaning against the wall, pinning Hawke between his arm and the table she leaned against.

“I was escorting her outside for some air!  She felt sick.  No doubt from something you slipped into her drink while we were dancing.  My father will hear about this.”  

“Oh yes!” The older one spoke again, nodding, “I’ll be sure to tell him myself, we’re sure to be rewarded, and Mattias can take this one back to the Gallows for processing.  The ‘bane we slipped her ought to keep her safe enough, for now.”  

Fenris edged closer.  They still hadn’t seen him, by some miracle, and he had no desire to cause a bigger fracas, bringing more attention down upon them.  Suddenly Hawke spoke, her voice low, and whipped her hand up to the throat of the man who had her pinned.  Her fingers were tipped with shards of ice, sharp and deadly.  Even as he watched one of them pierced the skin, a drop of blood rolling down the mans neck.  

“If you want to accost someone, perhaps next time you should make sure you get your dosage correct.”  Her voice was low, threatening.  Perhaps you should wonder where my other hand went.”  

Fenris watched as both Templars stiffened, especially the one dealing with Kyana.  Quicker than he could blink her other hand was wrapped around his balls, and she began to allow it to frost over.  The look on the man’s face quickly went from amused, to scared, to looking like he was decidedly uncomfortable as the frost creeped out from her grip.

“I’m not someone to trifle with.  I am not weak.  And I am not alone.  Right, Ser Fenris?”

Fenris, as he stepped out, wondered why he’d thought she’d needed looking after.  She’d told him years ago that she would never be weak, and he should know by now that Hawke always kept her word.  He placed a hand on the shoulder of the young Templar keeping the Dumar boy pinned, and pulled him back, almost tossing him to the other side of the hall.  He stumbled but righted himself, looking from Fenris to his superior.  

“Ser?”

“Augh!  Fine!  Alright just please… let me go!” the older man squeaked out, voice going higher with each word.

Hawke pulled on his groin, drawing him closer to her with a groan.  

“Next time you think about harassing me, talk to your Knight Captain first.  I’m sure Cullen will be able to enlighten you to the mistake you just made.”  

With that she shoved him away, and the Templar limped back, gathering up his companion before scuttling off.  Saemus moved to Hawke, scowling.  

“I know those two. They’re under investigation for stealing Lyrium.  They’ll be gone by tomorrow morning, I promise.  Can you make it home by yourself?”  Kyana looked at him, raising an eyebrow.  The young man grinned sheepishly, running a hand through his hair.  “Of course.  My apologies, Lady Hawke.  But I would still feel better…..”

Fenris stepped forward.  

“Go tell our hosts that one of their guests has taken ill, and I have gone to escort them home.  The evening’s almost over.  I’m sure you can handle any complaints they may have.”  

Saemus nodded, and walked away.   Hawke turned to him, a question on her face.

“I’m quite alright, Fenris.”  

He nodded, but couldn’t fail to notice the tiny wobble in her step as they made their way out into the darkened streets of Hightown.  She was silent and strong most of the way home till, rounding the corner, she stumbled, and braced herself against the walls.  Fenris could see her knees, so pleasantly outlined by tight black silk, trembling, and he moved closer to her side, one hand coming up to rest against her shoulder.  

“I may have lied,” she said with a sigh, “Magebane is unpleasant no matter the dose.”

Fenris shrugged, taking her arm in his own, letting her brace herself against him as she straightened.  

“You handled them well.”  

She let out a dark, throaty chuckle.

“I’ve dealt with worse.  That’s the last time I let Mother talk me into something like this.”  

Fenris smiled, and held on to Hawke’s arm till they were at last at her doorstep, and there he hesitated, lingering.  

“Thank you, Fenris.  I…appreciate your concern.”  

She rose up on her toes, taking him by surprise to brush a feather light kiss against his cheek.  When she pulled away he could see her blush, even in the dark.  He could see as well the slowly dawning look of regret on her face.  

“Oh.  OH!  I’m sorry, Fenris.  I didn’t think, I didn’t even ask, and you…”

He silenced her with a quick press of his lips into her own, then pulled back, and began to back away.  

“Next time, Hawke, you have but to ask.”  

At last he turned, carrying the pleasant image of Hawke’s stunned face with him all the way home.

Hawke stepped in her door, moving quickly towards the stairs when an exclamation brought her up short.

“Kya dear!  How was the party?  Did you meet anyone?”  Leandra asked with an odd mixture of anxiety and hope.  

“Hello, Mother, fine, and yes, I met Lady Deepenau.  Orlesian.  Terribly boring.  Anyway, I’m not feeling well, so it’s off to bed for me!”

“You know very well that’s not what I meant!  Kyana, I love you, but sometimes….” she trailed off, raising a hand to her brow.  “Anyway, I received a letter from your cousin!”  

“Which one?” Hawke muttered with a roll of the eyes, beginning the daunting task of climbing the stairs on shaky legs. “They do seem to be coming out of the woodwork since I reclaimed our titles and property.”

“Oh nothing like that.  It was Kalazar, writing from Amaranthine!  He’s an Arl now, and Warden Commander of Ferelden!  We’re going to be writing back and forth quite a bit now, I expect.”

Hawke froze at the top of the stairs, fingers flexing convulsively around the railing. Finally, with a murmured platitude, she disappeared into the sanctuary of her room, and sank gratefully onto her bed.  She traced her fingers over her lips, feeling her wide smile, and with that, she was able to ignore the persistent pain and nausea of the magebane and fell into dreamless sleep.

[azuzulira]

Kyana visits home (Part 1)

So, the following is a story about my D&D characters, if they were a party of their own. This is a pretty rough version, so it’s not perfect, but I find it satisfactory.  It’s just over 1600 words, and I figured this was a good place to stop. Click the read more below to take a look! See if you can catch the reference or two I threw in.

Bollis sat, watching the edges of clearing. He, like always, had taken the last of the night’s watch. He appreciated the quiet of the early morning, before any of the others awoke. He knew from experience that Belghull would be the first up, and he’d likely wake up in a cold sweat. He had learned not to question the dragonborn about it though. It put him on edge. After Belghull would be Joy, who’d make breakfast and prepare lunch for them so they wouldn’t have to stop mid-travel. Nash would wake up near dawn to eat his breakfast, then lay down again until Kyana got up, which is when they’d leave. He was right. Belghull woke up, and shook his head to rid himself of the remnants of some dream. He lit the fire in the middle of camp, and watched it for a bit. Joy got up next, using the fire to first make porridge, and then coffee. The three of them ate in silence, and were joined by Nash a few moments later. “Thank you, breakfast was excellent, as always,” Bollis complemented Joy as he finished his porridge.

“Thank you,” she answered quietly, still working on her own bowl. Silence reigned, even as Nash stood up and made his way back to where he had slept to rest a few moments more. It was peaceful in the morning, until Kyana woke up.

“So,” she began, in between spoonfuls of porridge, “What’s the plan for today?” “We should be at Whiteridge shortly after lunch, if we don’t stop for it,” Belghull answered, looking at the map in his hands, “From there, we should be able to restock, grab a night’s rest, and see to other business before setting off for Orilon like Bollis wanted to do.” The dragonborn put the map away, and then spoke, “Now get your gear packed. We should leave soon.” “Right,” Kyana answered, getting up and packing her gear in an unusual silence. As soon as Nash got up and packed his gear, the five of them set off through the forest. After a few hours of travel, with surprisingly little interruption, the forest began to thin, and they could see a town, Whiteridge, just a bit away. An hour and a half later, having stopped by a river bend for lunch and a quick break at Kyana’s request, the group arrived at the city’s gates. The guard on duty was, seemingly, rather lax about his duties, as he let the group through without a word, whereas they had frequently been questioned at the entrance to most other large towns. “People are staring,” Joy observed, a tinge of nervousness in her voice as she pulled her hood down over her hair further. “We’re an odd group,” Bollis stated, trying to calm her, “I doubt it’s everyday these people see a dragonborn leading around a half-orc, a wood elf, and two humans.” “That’s not why they’re staring. I’m,” Kyana paused for a moment, before continuing her explanation, “I’m well known around here.” “How so?” Belghull questioned, “Is there anything we should worry about?” Before Kyana could respond, one of the onlookers, an elven woman, came up to her and spoke, “Lady Harburn! You are looking positively lovely! If you’d like I could bring you and your friends some of my baked goods before you head to your family home.”

Kyana answered, “No, but thank you Mrs. Dakian,” and backed away into the gap between Belghull and Nash. Unsurprisingly, not many people wanted to come speak with Kyana while she stood between the two rather intimidating figures. “Lady Harburn?” Joy questioned quietly, “Why are they calling you that?” Kyana answered in the same hushed tone, “Like I said, I’m well known here.”

“From a good family?” Bollis guessed, and Kyana nodded.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Joy asked, sounding genuinely hurt, “Do you not trust us?”

“I didn’t mean to hide it, it’s just, I didn’t,” Kyana floundered for an answer. “Joy! We all have things we don’t want to share. You, of all people, should know that,” Belghull stepped in for Kyana and reprimanded Joy.

“Sorry,” Joy responded quietly.

���It’s,” Kyana paused, “I understand why you’re upset. It just, didn’t come up,” Kyana answered the apology, leading to an awkward silence. Eventually, Kyana broke it by saying, “My parents probably already know I’m here, so, we should visit.”

“Lead the way,” Belghull stated, to which Kyana complied, stepping ahead to lead the group towards a large house at the edge of town. She approached the door and knocked. After a moment of no answer, she knocked again. “Do you really need to knock on the door to your own home?” Nash questioned curiously. Kyana grabbed the door handle, just as it was opened by an older looking gentleman. “Kyana?” The man questioned, “Is it really you? It’s been such a long time! Who are your friends?” “Dad!” Kyana answered joyously, giving the man a hug, “This is the group I told you about, my friends!” She grabbed Belghull by the arm, “This is Belghull, our leader,” she announced, causing the dragonborn’s bronze scales to darken a tinge. “He’s a cleric, right?” Kyana’s father asked, looking the Dragonborn over, “He was a soldier too. Turned to healing because you wanted to help people?” Belghull turned away, seemingly uncomfortable with how this man could tell part of his story with a look. “I’ve seen it before. Nothing to be ashamed of, going from the battlefield to the temple. You’re doing good work.” As Belghull let a rare smile onto his lips. “Bollis Quickspark,” Bollis introduced himself with an outstretched hand, which the old man took in a hearty shake. “Gimgo’s boy? Your father’s a good man, for a merchant,” the old man laughed, “Met him a few years ago when he was trading in town. We play cards when he travels here from Orilon. He talks about his ‘brave adventurer of a son’ a lot. Didn’t know you were travelling with my daughter though. I expected you to be… shorter.” “Not many gnomes adopt wood elves,” Bollis agreed, chuckling awkwardly. The old man turned to Joy, who blurted out, “I’m a tiefling!” before he could say anything, and then covered her mouth, looking at him fearfully.

“Really?” He peered closer, “I couldn’t tell. Your skin’s a bit red, but I figured it was a tan of some sort. I guess that explains the hood then.” When he noticed her fearful look, he said, “You don’t need to worry here. I know you didn’t do anything to earn judgement of any kind.” Giving her a short hug, he said, “My daughter tells me you’re an excellent cook. While you stay here, you’re more than welcome to use the kitchen to your heart’s content. Isaac can even teach you Kyana’s favorite meal.” As Joy smiled, Nash curiously queried, “How do you know so much? Are you some kind of fortuneteller?” “No, no, no magic in these veins. Never was talented with spellcasting, don’t know where Kyana gets it,” the old man answered, “No, I use to be an adventurer too, until a dreadful archery accident. In fact, I was a lot like you. Big and strong. But I learned on the battlefield, if you want to protect everyone, you’re going to have to do a lot of watching and learning so you can think ahead. So that is what I did, and it’s what I still do.” The old man seemed to get lost for a moment, remembering when he was at his strongest, before continuing, “Enough about me though. My daughter writes that you’re the ‘strong and silent character.’ From looking at you, I can tell, it isn’t because you’re dumb. You’re certainly brighter than a lot of others from where you come from.” “My ancestry is not where I come from,” Nash spoke angrily. “I wasn’t talking about your orc blood. I was talking about your scars. You were a fighter long before you were an adventurer,” he answered calmly. He gave the, much taller, half-orc a gentle hug, and spoke, “It does my old heart good to see someone so young make the right choices when dealt a bad hand.” “Can we,” Nash asked slowly, “stop the whole hugging and mind reading?” To which the old man nodded and let go. “Right, sorry,” he said, “and now, to properly introduce myself. I am Lord Ansout Harburn, please, come in, make yourself at home in my abode.” He stepped aside and bowed, letting the group into his home. Kyana led the other four to her room, which, other than the desk and number of bookshelves, was surprisingly bare for it’s size. “Sorry, about my dad,” Kyana apologized, “He doesn’t mean to make things awkward. He just, he likes watching people and trying to understand them.”

“You’re sure he’s not some kind of seer?” Nash asked from near one of the bookshelves, “Yeah,” Bollis agreed from his position on her desk, “It was rather odd how he spied in on Belghull and Nash, and got Joy to spill her secret without saying a thing to her. He’s got to have some magic.” “No, he’s just very good at knowing people,” Kyana answered, sitting down on her bed, “I’m going to have to talk to mom soon. You all should look around while I’m busy.” The others took the hint, and left the room one by one.

So, as Kyana prepared to speak with her mother, the other members set about various tasks. Joy found the kitchen, to take up Lord Harburn’s offer of free reign. Both Belghull and Bollis decided to explore the manor, though they had different methods of going about it. Finally, Nash decided to speak with Lord Harburn, one on one, and perhaps learn from the man. So, whose would you like to see? They’ll all come about similar information, through different means. Or would you prefer to just skip their adventures in the manor and have the group together again? The same information will come out anyway.