#getting burnt in australia rn i hate this shit so much

[solidgases]

you're more likely to know your killer than not

CHRISTMAS TRUCE GOES WRONG!!! (((NOT CLICKBAIT)))

[world-of-wales]

I was looking into where COP is going it be hosted because it can tie in to earthshot, and of course Brazil is next year. COP31 (2026) is likely to be in Australia which is also a strong contender for earthshot, India is bidding for COP33 in 2028….

My reasoning on a potential Indian Earthshot is below this.

India better stay away from cop33 & Earthshot, especially after their latest 'achievements' in the conservation sector. The govt is fantastic in making bold claims but in reality, can't do shit. And I for one don't want william anywhere near that dumpster fire of hypocrites.

There's so many examples of their sheer incompetence, there's a polluted river in india - yamuna. Between 2017 - 2021 (or 22) I believe more than ₹6,800 crores of taxpayer money was spent on cleaning that death trap and it still is as dirty as it was when all this first began. There's actual toxic foam of ammonia and phosphates that floats around it 24/7.

Then just this week news came out that 25 Tigers, (which are an endangered species btw and also part of a very ambitious conservation project 'Project Tiger' started in 1973) have been untraceable from a state run national park for the past year. The only reason this came out was because another tiger was found dead from that forest.

And just yesterday, it came out that 10 elephants died in another state run park last month because they were fed...fungal infected millets.

Heck, Delhi? The capital? It's consistently been one of the most polluted cities of the world for years. It's a literal gas chamber, which gets the worst around the current time coz of various issues. Now diwali falls around this time and because of the air quality, the Indian supreme court banned any sort of crackers/fireworks to be burnt in the area? Sounds amazing right? But guess what since crackers have come to be associated with Diwali which is a hindu festival. So the members of the ruling party within their agenda have turned this ban into an attack on religion and consistently provoke their supporters on this ground urging them to burn crackers and make delhi insufferable for all.

This is just 4 examples, there's so many that if I start listing them, we'll be here for a long time.

Moreover, the current ruling party will only twist the visit to fill into their own agenda of hate mongering & political capital as they have been known to do with every such visit.

Also the govt quite literally cordoned off low income neighborhoods that fell on route of the attendees in Delhi with plastic barriers and police personnel during the G20 in 2023, to make sure no world leader saw anything other than the rosy picture they were putting out.

Now imagine what would happen in case of something like COP33. Ofc they would do similar repulsive things then also and imagine how harmful being attached to something like this with a potential Earthshot will be for William and his public image!

I would love for him to come here, Earthshot is such a fabulous initiative, and there's such a booming environmental startup sector in India like Phool (I personally am aware of their situation. My mum's cousin runs a marketing firm and she's the one who handles everything for them, and she's told me so much about how Earthshot has helped them since 2022 with linking them to investors, other similar businesses, exposure etc) or Kheyti etc etc which deserve to be highlighted.

But in the past 10 years buisness and government have become so intrinsically linked in india that no matter what the ruling party will hijack the contributions of these organizations like they do.

So yeah maybe I'm being a narrow minded idiot but Earthshot in India rn? Will only lead to credibility issues.

Now let's hope I don't go to jail for putting all this here by exercising my fundamental right under Article 19(1)(a).

[allybeardsleycamoshirt]

50 questions

I was tagged by @fineosaur thanks dear this was entertaining

what is the colour of your hairbrush? bright orange

name a food you never eat? I do not love fish despite being from a place well known for seafare. pass. 

are you typically too warm or too cold? cold all the time, baby. i will lose circulation in my toes for no goddamn reason

what were you doing 45 minutes ago? hopping off a zoom call and clocking out of work early

what's your favourite candy bar? probably almond joys

have you ever been to a professional sports game? yeah but nothing major league because I’ve never cared about sports enough for someone to bring me to one. I went to local minor league games sporadically as a kid.

what is the last thing you said out loud? I probably have talked out loud to myself and forgot but the last thing I said to someone else was “bye have a good tour” to my coworker

what is your favourite ice cream? i had the best ice cream i’ve ever had this summer and it was burnt honey with pear and ginger. but that’s fancy shit. if we are talking what I keep in the freezer then probably dairy free cookies and cream. or matcha mochi. 

what was the last thing you had to drink? i’m drinking throat-coat tea rn bc ~*~*I might be getting sick*~*~

do you like your wallet? well enough. it was a graduation gift (high school graduation, so I’ve had it quite a while). it was more my style then than now but I have no reason to get something new.

what is the last thing you ate? lunch: leftover dal and roti that I made last night

did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope. I need to get rid of some clothes before I buy anything. tis the season for turning out my closet. I’ve also been trying to only do online, secondhand shopping OR buy sustainable/organic/ethical clothing when I can

what's the last sporting event you watched? I haven’t the faintest idea lol I really really dislike sports. I think I was actively watching some world cup matches while I was in spain two summers ago. 

what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? something cheesy and/or herbal

who is the last person you sent a text message to? my mom! she just texted me that she was watching New Moon and analyzing every line which is literally my favorite hobby

ever go camping? I used to as a kid but now I prefer to air bnb instead of roughing it when I hike and honestly it’s more because I love air bnbs than a dislike of camping of any kind

do you take vitamins? I try to remember to take a skin/hair/nails supplement. lately i’ve been taking vitamin c and zinc to ward off illness but idk if that’s working out

do you regularly attend a place of worship? nah i don’t even do it irregularly

do you have a tan? no. even when I do it can barely be considered a tan. I am so white I’m nearly translucent, I freckle out in the summer and burn when I’m less lucky

do you prefer chinese or pizza? chinese!!! although I appreciate a well-made pizza very much.

do you drink your soda through a straw? I don’t drink soda

what colour socks do you usually wear? usually black but I have lots of multicolored wool socks as well

do you ever drive above the speed limit? yes but not very much, speeding makes me anxious

what terrifies you? idk man. everything and nothing all at once

look to your left, what do you see? my bedside table. it’s refurbished to the original wood and used to belong to my great-grandfather. it currently houses my tea, a lamp, various lotions, a scrunchy, gold hoop earrings, hair scissors, and a tv remote

what chore do you hate most? probably taking out the trash. or scrubbing the tub because it never pays off as well as I want it to

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Australia...lol sorry dumb b*tch answer

what's your favourite soda? I don’t really drink soda - it was a weird, furtive decision I made as a 7 year old never to drink it because I vaguely knew it wasn’t good for you...and also I didn’t like carbonation. now I’ll drink it in a cocktail I suppose, or I’ll drink non-American sodas just for the experience

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru. damn i want fries

what's your favourite number? 7!

who’s the last person you talked to? my coworker

favourite cut of beef? idk really but fancier cuts are nicer to cook with in general

last song you listened to? I Know A Place - MUNA. can’t get enough of that one recently. gay girl bands only.

last book you read? I just finished Saturday by Ian McEwan

favourite day of the week? one where I am not working

can you say the alphabet backwards? I can do the first bit but then i lose interest

how do you like your coffee? english breakfast tea, one sugar and a dash of almond milk

favourite pair of shoes? my birkenstocks

time you normally get up? 6:50 on weekdays, not much longer on weekends

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? I haven’t seen enough sunrises to really make a decision. perhaps sunsets because they are more accessible to me lol

how many blankets on your bed? one thick duvet, throw blankets on top as needed

describe your kitchen plates? most of them are white and square

describe your kitchen at the moment? slightly more kept than usual

do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? cider and natural wine are my go-to. but lately i love a homemade aperol spritz. and a gin & tonic anywhere is great

do you play cards? not consistently but yes. I get very competitive but also it takes me a long time to grasp a new game

what colour is your car? burnt orange

can you change a tire? I’ve never done it myself but I think I know how to?? I could probably figure it out. however I probably wouldn’t try to do it myself unless I was totally stranded

your favourite state? Maine - my home state/where I live. Maybe I’d like Washington/Oregon more but I haven’t been yet

favourite job you've had? running a women’s/gender resource center

im gonna tag: @thelandofnothing @lightninginabottle0613 @go-catch-a-chickn @greeneyedwildthing

[comfortmarvelimagines]

🎁🍔🎧🦄🍯🌈🌡🎢💅🎆❤️ for the asks, i love your blog btw!!

thank you so much !!!!! some of these double up with qs ive already answered, so just check out the previous two asks if you see ive missed any :) 

🍔- do you have sensory problems with food? what food do you like to eat?

my biggest sensory issue was with meat, which is the main reason why ive been a vegetarian for like 5 years. i dont like any carbonated drinks, lollies or anything too sweet. on a bad day, my go-to foods are usually bread and pasta bc Plain, but i also eat lots n lots of fruit and veggies n lentils. i also dont like anything ‘squeaky’, like green beans and zucchinin and haloumi. i also get really hesitant with new foods if people offer them to me. if im trying something new i want it to be on my own terms (but i dont often eat new foods)

🎧- what symptom(s) of yours is the hardest for you to deal with?

id say sensory, just because it makes it difficult for me to be independent. i cant go anywhere other than uni and work on my own bc i dont know what the input will be like. there have been days where ive forgotten my headphones and had to get off the train before my stop to calm down, or missed class bc i just cant get on the connecting bus. i cant stay in classes bc of the lights or the noise and i miss out on countless social events bc i know i wont be able to handle it and my friends will have to ‘look after me’ instead of enjoying themselves (and i dont want them to be resentful to me for ruining their night, nor do i want to stop them from having fun). it can be isolating and hard and mean people treat me differently whether or not they know what im struggling with. 

🍯- do you stim? what are some ways you stim? 

i stim in lots of ways !! ive finger stimmed since the beginning of time and i love flicking and tapping my fingers, rubbing my hands on top of each other, bouncing my fingers together and happy flapping ! i like rocking and spinning when im alone. i also wave my arms and bounce them off my thighs when im alone/ know im not accidentally going to hit anyone. there are some less-fun ways that i stim but i dont really wanna talk about them right now.

🌡- do you prefer the heat or the cold? is one or the other stimmy? does one or the other cause sensory problems?

COLD ALL THE WAY. literally as i write this im struggling with the heat. i want y weighted blanket but its too hot so i have my knees sticking out, and my ears are hot under my headphones. i like wearing clothes that cover my body and i hate being sweaty and i cant eat when its hot and i feel yucky and i cant fix and GOD i hate the heat. but i live in australia so guess im fucked my country is burning and ive been breathing in the smoke all day 

🎢- what are some common phobias you have?

i guess the usual ones like spiders and bugs and shit? i have so much anxiety im pretty much scared of everything At All Times 

💅- how do you usually practice self care?

look, ive been struggling with self care recently. im burnt out but still pushing myself and so being able to shower and wash my hair and keep my living space clean and actually look after myself has been overwhelming. but when im able to i practice self care by dying my hair (its green rn !), practicing my violin (SpIn), keeping my space organised so that i can get through the basics without being overwhelmed and allowing myself the space to stim and regulate both before and after i start my day, so that i can better cope with and process everything 

❤- what’s your favorite color? 

atm its forest green, like my hair and my monstera adansonii

[burntflorets]

20 april 2017

1:09am i tried to sleep it off. i couldn’t. i kept waking up. i wish this all was a bad dream.

why? what made you change?

why did u change?

u changed from a real logical person to someone who’s living in a fantasy.

i never knew you had this side of you. you been hiding things well. now i understand why you keep friending or following girls. i never knew u were this horny. i didn’t know i couldn’t satisfy your needs. i feel like i’ve failed. i really didn’t know you at all. and that hurts.

how much more do i not know about you? how much more are you hiding from me. i am fully transparent with you. but i guess you weren’t.

i wasn’t important enough that’s why you’re having trouble deciding between both. i knew i wasn’t a priority in your life, but i didn’t think i wasn’t that important for you to be this unsure about what you want.

i had a feeling you were shady, doing shit behind my back. i was kind of right about my suspicions. but you told me not to worry. now i can’t look at you in the same way anymore.

i thought you only had eyes for me. turns out you were mentally thinking about fucking other girls out there. isn’t that considered cheating?

i feel so stupid. i feel played. to think that i’ve been fucking loyal to you, only thinking about you when i’m happy, sad, horny wtv. looking back at the past two years, i feel played. i feel like i’ve wasted two years.

i’ve been choosing you over my friends all the time. i don’t have friends now. and now with you gone, i’m all alone. i don’t have anyone i consider close. i feel so alienated from the world.

that’s really selfish of you. thats how i feel. you’re fucking selfish. i truly thought what we had was irreplaceable, i guess i was wrong then. i alr got replaced this fast.

i still can’t understand why your mindset changed. i know you have been used by others, and that now you want to do everything for yourself. and wtv that makes u happy.

it’s not going to make you happier. it might make u happier on the surface. but deep down you’re still lonely and all alone.

that’s just a facade. and i want to help you. i want to know why you are so lonely even with me around. idw you to walk down the wrong path.

as much as u hate me for saying this, you’re just escaping from your problems with people that’s why you decide to be this way.

you’re deciding to be a dick bc of your parents. you never want to be like them. you don’t ever want to be tied down to the wrong person or u just don’t ever want to be tied down to anyone and have to deal with them and their problems too. that’s why you are choosing to be a fuckboy.

i know you hate me for this. but it’s the ugly truth isn’t it.

idk what i can say to change your mind.

as much as idw u to regret us, as much as idw to walk away, as much as idw us to end, why does it seem from your last text last night that you have alr decided that your “Life is bound to be full of regrets, what matters is if it’s for the better or for the worse.” meant that you’re definitely choosing the new you? bc i realized that when i was telling you how i still felt about you, fighting for you, all u did was get angry with me. only when it finally sinked in that you really changed, you became calm. and you started talking to me nicely.

don’t ask me to take care of myself or wtv. i can’t and i haven’t been able to.

it’s hard functioning w/o you considering you have been my whole life for the past two years. let me torture myself. let me feel the pain 100x more. i didn’t cut myself bc i promised you. and i regret that. i should have.

i’ve been smoking so much drinking so much i’ve been losing weight. if i became stick thin would you like me like how you like the other girls out there?

if i were prettier, would you like me like how you like the other girls out there?

i always told everyone that you were the one who saved me. maybe you actually didn’t. you just came at the right time. and i thought you saved me. you’re just leaving like the rest now.

i know you probably hate me now, bc all i’m doing is talking shit amirite. trying so hard when you have alr made up your mind to leave.

zach i just don’t want you to regret making the wrong choice. doesn’t it feel like your phone thing all over again?

i wanted to lend you my new iphone7 but you didn’t want to? you wanted one of your own? when you alr had a perfect working phone lent to you but you just didn’t want it bc it wasn’t the phone that you wanted?

back then i couldn’t understand why you couldn’t be contented with that and had to want more. i didn’t think it would be this bad that you say you have me but yet you want the fuckboy life.

i still can’t understand why you can’t be contented with what you have.

the grass is always greener on the other side? no only where u water it. The problem with this greener grass is usually based on fantasy and fear. The fear comes from several possibilities, including fear of being trapped in commitment, fear of boredom, fear of loss of individuality which is bc of me. that i’m restricting you.

Along with these fears comes the issue of compromise. In people who fear commitment, comprising certain desires, needs, and values for the sake of the unity can feel like oppressive sacrifice. aka u. what you’re feeling rn. When this happens, the perception is that there is something else out there that will allow us to have all that we crave, want, and value, and that it will happen on our terms.

This is where the element of fantasy comes in, your fantasy of wanting to live your life like in the movies. going to crazy college parties, get slim and be more cut then before and go clubs and bars all over the world and pickup chicks like in the movies, visit Australia and US and pick up girls by the beach and do crazy shit together and lots of crazy stuff. and with the fantasy comes projection. We’re going to want what we don’t have, and there’s a fantasy that we’ll get what we don’t have, and that the parts that we’re currently happy with won’t be sacrificed in this change.

it’s just like how i always fantasize myself being a sexy bad ass who can fight and has like 100000 men at my disposal. like my own army. where i can always call backup. i always fantasize myself with guns chasing bad guys fighting and being like a spy or a mafia or wtv and everyone is terrified of me. and i’m ruthless and all but fucking hot and sexy and good at wtv i do. But i realize it’s all fantasy. i know how to draw the line here, and i know what’s real life and what’s not.

However, what ends up happening is that after the “honeymoon phase” of making the change, you’re going to find yourself wanting to flip to the other side of the fence again because you might discover that there are other things that you don’t have, and because the novelty of the change wears off.

It ends up being true, that we always want what we don’t have, even if we’ve already jumped the fence several times.

idk. i know you’re stubborn. it’s hard to talk through you. once you decided on something nothing ever changes your mind.

and i know that you don’t love me enough to stay. and that fucking hurts. it kills me every breathing moment.

if you ever read this, you’re probably fucking angry with me rn. you always are when i try to fight for you. i don’t understand why you always push me away and cut me out.

maybe you need someone to fuck you up really badly then you’ll treasure what you really have.

i guess i’m not the one who could ground you. it fucking kills me.

i’m surprised i’m not crying. i’m surprised i haven’t cried. i guess i’m still numb from the shock. i guess i’m in denial. i wish this was all a bad dream that i haven’t woken up from.

no doubt i’m waivering bc of wtv you’ve told me, but deep down i still love you and care for you and would choose you all over again if i had to.

you can’t always have wtv u want, and all i want is you and if you stay, for you to be loyal to me and transparent with me and ultimately learn to be happy with me.

i hope you choose wisely and not regret your decision. like i said earlier i don’t want to hope that you’ll come back. bc the hope is hurtful. remember how i said i wouldn’t hope? i still did. and it was draining me out. but i still did it bc i can’t let go of you. of what we had.

i kept thinking of you saying to me that time “are you just going to let wtv we had go?” i still can hear your voice saying that.

it’s like blow after blow after blow, and the memory of your voice is fading from my head. please stop. i want to hear your voice again. i don’t want to forget your voice. it calms me. it makes me feel safe. it makes me feel like i’m home.

the world is a rush, and its messy. but when it with you, it all slows down and you make me feel like home when i’m with you. but what can i do if you don’t feel the same way as i do?

it’s 2:17am, i’ve been typing this for an hour plus now. the alcohol burns my mouth and throat. it tastes like shit. 40% alcohol doesn’t work anymore.

my chest burns. my windpipe too. my fingers are burnt from the flames. i can’t stop smoking. my room is full of smoke and ash. i feel like i can’t breathe. i wish i was dead.

i’ve been eating painkillers for my heart ache. like it does anything at all. the pain killers have burnt a hole in my stomach. so did the alcohol.

i’ve been surviving on water, it’s the only thing that can enter my system w/o me throwing up.

it’s funny how you would think i would be saving money right bc i don’t eat and all. but i’m broke. i don’t know where all my money went. i guess i spent all my money on cigarettes and alcohol. but i haven’t smoked enough. i haven’t drank enough. it’s not enough bc i’m not better. i still feel the pain. i still feel shitty. i’m not better bc they haven’t cured me.

i’ve gone through all my painkillers. i don’t understand why i haven’t overdosed. painkillers, do your magic. take away my pain. kill me. stop my suffering.

zach don’t pity me. i’m not asking for pity. i’m asking for you to save me once again. like you did in the past. save me this one last time by going back to how we were when we first started out full of love and everything and then giving me more painkillers cigarettes and alcohol. kill me. make it as painless as possible.

please do that and save me one last time. save me one last time by making me the happiest girl alive and then kill me to end my suffering. please.

it’s 3:22am i’ve finished half a bottle of vodka. it used to be my weakness. now i’m just immune. now i’m just sober

your words, they haunt me

10:16am i feel weird i feel uneasy i feel like i’m going to faint. i’m dizzy. the sun is burning my skin. i want to faint. i can’t. i got my work to do. i just want to die.

4:51pm it started with one. now everyone is saying the same thing. everyone is asking the same questions. everyone’s asking if im ok. everyone’s asking if im falling sick again. everyone’s asking why i don’t eat anymore. 

im glad the food came super late. im glad we stayed long enough that no one realized i only ate one mouthful.

they all say the same thing. i look like death, and i need to go to the hospital.

am i falling sick? idk. maybe bc ive been coughing my lungs out. but im not sick. i guess i’ve smoked too much. thats why i cant stop coughing. thats why my cough sounds like i have alot of phlegm. idk. 

dont look at me with pity. i dont need anyone’s pity.  especially not from you. 

don’t stay bc u pity me.  stay only bc u love me and see a future with me. stay only if you’re willing to commit to me. stay only if you are going to be loyal to me. stay only if you are going to be transparent with me. stay only if you wont do shit behind my back. stay only if you appreciate and treasure me. stay only if you’re mentally and physically here with me. if not, leave. 

as much as i hate to say it, leave. leave and never look back. 

8:10pm mummy asked if i have anything that i wanted them to pray for u and i. i said nothing. i didn't tell them anything. i didn't want to complicate stuff. they prayed for you, asking for God to direct us. and for you to take care of me and what not. and that you have time to go to church despite your busy schedule. it's funny how they faithfully pray for you daily, for God to bless you and all. i don't even know how to tell them what's going on. i don't even want to tell them anything. i don't even want to tell them we aren't working out.

i feel like shit.