#getting better is fucking impossible and I'm tired of pretending it isn't

[phallicide]

I'm not gonna fucking make it lol

[spectrechosts]

The Cruel Ship's Captain

A chance meeting of two cursed souls, so very long ago.

Full Series

Senna is hungry again.

She shrouds herself in a cloak and makes her way to the port, as has become her habit in this age of piracy. Travelers from all around, known by none here. A drunk stumbles out of a tavern and no one ever sees them again- Maybe they fell off the dock, it happens.

She's long past the days of pretending she does a noble thing, feeding on the seedier humans. She's worse than the worst of them. She does it because it's easy. Even if someone investigates- and they won't- it'll never link back to her ever so dignified family, convinced she belongs even though she's in none of the portraits and looks nothing like them.

Ugh, she gets so mopey when she needs to feed. It's not like she chose to become this.

And besides, she can't just not eat. She's tried, it only makes things much, much worse when she finally gives in. You only need to massacre a village once to get it through your head that the monster will feed regardless of what you want; better to just quietly indulge every few weeks rather than uproot your entire life twice yearly.

"Now what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Someone snatches her cloak off her shoulders and slams her against the wall of the alley.

Impossible, she thinks, as she collides with the stone. Nobody sneaks up on her, she would hear it! Is she slipping?

This is bad, this is so dreadfully bad- She can't be seen here, her feeding can't be thrown off like this, the whole thing is a catastrophe. She struggles, but the pirate is stronger than her, pinning her shoulder to the wall with her off hand as she lifts a jeweled earring with the barrel of her pistol.

"These look expensive. You should be more careful." She says. "There's all kinds of scum 'round these parts, you know."

She doesn't have time for this this isn't the plan she needs to get out of here and hide and come back to feed another time.

"Let go of me." She hisses, voice layered with hypnotic charm as her eyes go dark. "Go back to your ship and shoot yourself."

The pirate blinks, shakes her head as if to clear it of the imparted command, and then shrugs.

"Anything for a lady." She says, and then she pulls open her coat and shoots herself through the heart.

"Ow." She grunts, rolling her shoulders and letting her coat fall closed. "Hurts even when you know it's coming."

Oh, damn it all.

"That's right girlie, don't bother screaming." The pirate says, as Senna huffs and thumps her head back into the stone wall. "Ain't gonna be louder than that, and ain't anyone 'round who cares."

That much is true. A few humans peek into the alley as they pass, but none intervene. It's why she feeds here. And presumably…

The pirate's fangs sink into her neck, and then her eyes go wide and she recoils.

"Augh!" She cries, spitting onto the ground. "What the fuck?!"

It's why she feeds here too.

"Alright, so we're both stupid." Senna says, tired. "I haven't seen another of our kind in centuries, what's your excuse?"

The pirate is still retching, trying to get the taste out of her mouth. "Centuries?" She asks, and Senna groans.

She got caught out by a fucking fledgling.

"Oh god, how old are you?" She asks.

"Twenty-nine."

Please please please please-

"Twenty-nine as a vampire or-?"

"Oh, uh… three."

Goddammit.

"Fuck me." She says, and the pirate barks a laugh, and then winces at the pain still radiating through her chest.

"Love to, but ah- Just about blew my tit off, so…" She pauses, waiting for Senna to maybe say something. "Drinks?"

"Ugh!" Senna huffs, and she turns tail and leaves.

"Hey, don't be like that! This is great!" The pirate says, following her. "I've been at sea for ages, I'm starved. Two of us together? None of these assholes stand a chance, we could feast!"

"No!" Senna snaps. The girl is an idiot and a liability. "There will be no feasting, I live here, you boorish menace!"

The pirate shrugs. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"If a slew of people get killed by vampires," Senna seethes, "the rest will start looking for vampires, idiot."

"Sure, that's why you leave after."

"I can't leave!"

"Why not?" The pirate asks, and Senna pauses.

It's not as if her family is truly hers. It's not as if she allows herself human friends, or goes outside for any reason but to feed. Her only attachment to this place is that it's where she is.

"Drinks? Yeah?" The pirate says with a growing smile, and Senna allows herself to be dragged along.

~

"Cap'n." Nods a stout man as the pirate (Alice, she called herself) sits Senna down with her on a tavern bench.

"Bill." Alice responds, then jerks her head back at Senna. "Senna. She'll be joining us for a bit."

Bill grunts, and Senna quirks an eyebrow. "I will be? Am I being press-ganged?"

"What? Nahh." Alice scrunches her nose and shakes her head. "Press ganging implies I mean to put you to work. We're taking you on as a passenger."

"And if I don't want to be taken as passenger?"

"Well, then we're kidnapping you." Alice says, with a wry grin. "But don't that sound so unpleasant?"

Senna turns her nose up at that with a "Hmph!"

"Everyone back on the ship?" Alice asks, ignoring her.

"All accounted for 'cept us in here." Says Bill. "Is she..?"

"She's like me." Alice says, and she puts an arm around Senna and whispers into her ear as if she's murmuring something sordid to a conquest.

"I'll tell you what's going to happen here, miss." She says, licking her lips. "When I give the signal, me, Bill, those two men over there- Jim and James, also on my crew- we're going to grab some nice girls and take them back to my ship for me to eat."

God, is this really how she feeds? Just, smash and grab? Right out in the open?

"Now, you can sit here and pout and go hungry until we reach the next port; not too long a trip, I like to make little stops for myself before our main destination, let the rest of the crew relax somewhere I haven't made a mess. Or-"

"Yes, yes, I was already at the docks to grab someone, imbecile." Senna hisses. "Some of us value subtlety. Not letting people see us feed, for instance."

"Okayy, touchy. You've already been seen here with me, grab someone or don't. Ready?"

Senna grumbles and scans the room. There's a girl with a pretty neck over in the corner, hanging off some giant brute of a sailor. If she has to pick someone here…

"Ready."

Alice vanishes, and a swarm of bats surges toward the bar and reforms into her. She grabs a woman and tears her throat out with her teeth, gulping down blood and throwing the whole tavern into a frenzy.

"That's the signal?" Senna whines, as the other pirates spring into action, snatch frightened patrons and drag them away. All eyes are on Alice, cackling like a madwoman as she shrugs off pistol rounds and breaks the arm of someone foolish enough to rush her with a knife.

Senna walks briskly to her target, cowering behind her beau. "Forget about the woman behind you." She orders, and the man looks into her black eyes and lowers the protective arm he'd had around her. "You, follow me."

The girl follows her like a lost puppy. It doesn't even look like a kidnapping, with any luck, no one will remember Senna was here at all. Alice is still wreaking havoc, bones shattering under her fists as the humans try and fail to subdue her.

And the blood.

There's so much blood. The thick, rich, cloying tang of it in her nostrils makes Senna dizzy. Her stomach growls angrily, and she just about loses herself and devours her girl on the spot.

But not yet.

"You!" She hisses at another girl, hiding under a table. "Follow."

She leads the two of them outside, taking them down the waterfront until she can see where the other pirates are struggling to get their last victim aboard their ship while some would-be hero accosts them.

That's rare, in this part of town. Senna would be impressed, if not for the fact that she's grumpy hungry now.

"Hey." She says to the interloper, and he glances back at her for just a moment, and that's all she needs. "Swim to the horizon."

Then he's gone, swimming out to his death.

"What in the hell wassat?" Says Jim or James, she doesn't really care which.

"That would be our new passenger." Says Bill. "Take her and her guests to the captain's quarters with the rest, we're leaving."

"The captain?" Senna asks, climbing up to the ship's deck. She was still fighting, last she saw.

"Flies on a hundred pestilent wings, my sweet." Says Alice, coalescing before her out of a swarm of vermin. She takes her last captive from Bill and hefts her over her shoulder, then beckons Senna below deck. "Come! Eat with me, we'll have a grand old time!"

Senna isn't sure about a grand old time, but she really needs to feed now. She follows her, down to the lowest deck, where the sun never touches. Alice's cabin has many of the luxuries one would expect of a pirate captain's quarters, though completely devoid of any light sources. The other two victims are already here; they squirm and whimper in the dark, bound at the wrists and ankles and rendered blind by their human eyes.

Senna's charmed duo need no such restraints. She pushes one to the floor and falls upon her, sinking her fangs into the soft flesh of their neck. Shakes her head violently, tears open the vein, lets blood spill forth into her mouth; hot and salty and metallic on her tongue.

The monster within her demands more, urges her to bite again, harder- not just fangs but human teeth, made for ripping into meat, gouging out chunks and choking them down, bloodied and raw.

She can hear Alice chuckling. "Messy eater. Always the proper ones, innit?" She hums to the girl she's drinking from. "Maybe I'll toss you to her, you're so afraid of me." She says, and she latches back onto the girl's open vein as she cries.

Hours pass, in the inky darkness. Senna eats and eats until she's full and lethargic and guilty, the stench of blood clinging to her in the aftermath. She didn't even drink most of it from that first girl, just let it puddle on the floor. What a waste.

She groans loudly.

"Are you always so pissy about a good meal?" Alice asks her, sated and languid on her bed. "Get off the floor, come join me."

"I didn't have to kill that man at the dock. He was trying to do a good thing. I could've just told him to run away, forget what he saw."

"Please, if you didn't kill him we would have. Who cares?"

"I care!" Says Senna. "I don't like killing, I just- I get so hungry. It's like I'm not even me anymore."

"Aww, poor little vampire." Alice coos, mockingly. "Come to bed."

"Fuck you."

"That's the idea." She says, smug. "We both prefer girls, yeah?"

Senna grumbles and rolls face down.

"How are you so squeamish about this? You made it sound like you were old. Should be used to it by now."

"Nobody should be used to being a monster." Spits Senna.

"Careful." Alice chuckles. "Get that stick any further up your ass, might stake yourself."

"Ugh." Senna huffs. She can hear Alice get up, walk toward her and sit. She drapes a blanket over her and rubs her back through it.

"So, what?" She asks, joking tone absent from her low voice. "You feel bad about yourself until you can't help but eat someone, then you go feel bad about it 'till the next time?"

"…Essentially." Senna says, wrapping the blanket tight around her. "I don't know. I don't want to kill people, but…"

"Don't wanna die?" Alice asks, and Senna nods tightly. "Right, who could blame ya?"

"The people I eat, presumably."

"Ehhh, fuck 'em, they're dead." Says Alice. "How often you eat?"

"I can get by with one every couple months, if I save my energy."

"Goddamn, no wonder you made such a mess. Must be starved to death, eating like that." She says. "Tell you what: I kill more 'n that just going about my business-"

"How delightful."

"Oh hush ya miserable cunt I'm trying to be nice."

Senna hushes.

"Me and my crew are going to kill people, not saying it's nice, but it's going to happen. If you stay on board, and the odd dead man walking finds their way to you…" Alice shrugs. "Don't make any difference that matters, does it? Dead's dead."

"You want me to kill for you."

"I kill for myself just fine, thanks. You're the one having trouble with it." She says. "Think about it, alright? You can go home and mope and pluck someone off the street every few months, be hungry and sad, or, you can have a full belly off folk who're dead anyway. Can't say your hands'll be perfectly clean, but- maybe rest a little easier, yeah?"

~

Weeks later, Senna leans over the guardrail of the moonlit ship, docked and gently swaying with the tide.

"Well, your ladyship?" Alice asks from behind her. "We're set to be off, will you be joining us?"

Senna inhales deeply through her nose.

"I'm not working on the crew." She says, haughtily.

"Of course."

"And I'll not participate in any plundering, murdering, what have you."

"Oh, never."

"And… don't feed me anyone too smelly, or hairy, or anything."

"See what I can do, but we're looking at sailors here."

Alice gives the order to set sail and makes her way below decks, and Senna follows after her.

"Don't expect me to call you captain, either." She says, and Alice scoffs.

"Seemed eager enough to last night."

"That was seduction, I was being seductive."

"Right, I'll expect no more of that then." Says Alice. "Shame. Guess you can hang a hammock, bunk with the rest of the crew."

"Hey! No!"

[beastiepsd]

the record

dialogue prompts from the record, an album by boygenius.

give me everything you've got.

i'll take what i can get.

i want to hear your story and be a part of it.

who would i be without you, without them?

speak to me.

talk to me.

i want you to hear my story.

it's a bad idea and i'm all about it.

when you wake up, i'll be gone again.

can you give me twenty dollars?

i know you have twenty dollars.

she's asleep in the backseat.

she called me a fuckin' liar.

i just make it up as i go along.

i'll get a real job, you'll go back to school.

you know how i get when i'm wrong.

i can feel myself becoming someone i'm not.

i'm twenty-seven and i don't know who i am.

but i know what i want.

you said you wanted to feel alive.

it feels good to be known so well.

i can't hide from you like i hide from myself.

you already hurt my feelings three times.

i remember who i am when i'm with you.

i'm trying to be cool about it.

i came prepared for absolution.

it's impossible to pass your test.

but i'm trying to forget about it.

once, i took your medication to know what it's like.

but we don't have to talk about it.

i'll pretend being with you doesn't feel like drowning.

it's nice to see how good you're doing.

i don't know why i am the way i am.

just lowering your expectations.

i just wanna know who broke your nose.

if this isn't love, then what the fuck is it?

i don't wanna die.

that's a lie.

but i'm afraid to get sick.

wish i wasn't so tired.

i used to think if i just closed my eyes, i'd disappear.

there's absolutely nothing going on.

if you love me, you will listen to this song.

i might like you less now that you know me so well.

i never thought you'd happen to me.

you could absolutely break my heart.

put down the knife, we're not swapping blood.

i feel crazy in ways i never say.

will you still love me if it turns out i'm insane?

i know what you'll say, but it helps to hear you say it anyway.

damn, that makes me sad.

it doesn't have to be like that.

there's something about you that i will always recognize.

i had to see for myself.

you don't have to make it bad, just 'cause you know how.

i think you're special.

maybe i'm just exhausted.

you think you're a good person because you won't punch me in the stomach.

i love you, i don't know why.

you're not special, you're evil.

you don't get to tell me to calm down.

i'm better than you and you should know that by now.

i shoulda left you right there.

i can't feel it yet but i am waiting.

[fairysteve]

share the ideas share the ideas share the ideas share the-

i'm prefacing this with it's 2am, i just went to bed, and you gave me absolute freedom to just ramble by not specifying anything i've already talked about

autistic steve that gets brain damage, vision loss, hearing loss and chronic migraines. it's a lot. his pain tolerance is high but you can't just power through everything and he doesn't get under- or overstimulated the same way as before which means that he needs to relearn his body. masking gets near impossible but steve doesn't know who he is when he isn't pretending to be okay. he stops being able to work but his dad won't allow him to just stay home but if he uses his government hush money to buy a place he won't afford food and utilities for long, if he can even remember to pay his bills. steve has gone through too much and living alone is no longer an option but he refuses to see it, even when he spends all his spoons trying to be normal so he either has no energy for his friends or no energy for himself.

i'm considering a sideplot for the little mermaid au where nancy is a princess that becomes a pirate after her betrothed (prince steve) goes missing. she doesn't actually like steve, but she won't let him be the only one to discover freedom, and she likes getting her hands dirty. her kingdom is full of injustice that she's unable to do anything about as a princess, but as a pirate, she can do whatever she wants. and then nancy's crew accidentally fishes up a mermaid; robin. and nancy is enthralled. interspecies relationship - nancy is happy as a pirate, robin is happy as a mermaid.

i'm just always thinking about steve and timetravel/timeloops on some level. post-s4 steve waking up as pre-s1 steve and doing basic things like dropping tommy and carol early, avoiding a romantic relationship with nancy, trying to befriend robin and eddie, and also getting eleven before the party finds her, idk if he would have heard enough about will's disappearance to stop that, but he could totally save will earlier. i know there's at least one fic like this but that do not stop me, i love steve and i love time stuff. wait actually i love making steve question his gender the first time he faces a demogorgon, a timetravel au with trans steve opens so many more possibilities. also any post-s3 steve would feel more comfortable with his bisexuality so that also makes for fun pre-s1 times.

stargyleth (steve/argyle/gareth) is an amazing ship and i stand by it. they have completely different tastes and vibes but they mix together so well. argyle helps steve and gareth chill out, gareth teaches them to play the drums which a great healthy way to get out aggression, steve feels comfortable joking around and being himself with them, they make fun of movies and come up with dnd characters and pizza topping combos and they just get to be young and dumb. gareth and steve are both ready to fight and all three are bitchy and steve and argyle can take turns driving and they just balance each other out. this isn't an idea as much as i'm just thinking about them

steve with nipple piercings.... actually transfem steve keeping her chest hair because fuck gender stereotypes and wearing a cute bra and also nipple piercings and now you make it the boat scene where stevie is out to robin and dustin only but she volunteered to dive and she's not gonna do it in her shoes and sweater and then she's hairy and wearing a bra and nancy doesn't know and eddie absolutely doesn't know and removing the bra would be even stranger so stevie just dives in but it makes eddie giving her his vest for modesty so much better and can you tell that i've been thinking about this for the stevie h agenda—

mechanic!eddie got a summer job at thachers tire when he was 16, started dealing on the side after he failed senior year the first time because he knew he and wayne needed the money. the bandana comes from being a mechanic; his van breaks down constantly. he doesn't really know what the colour means but he's flagging that he's a top on purpose. he doesn't use the bandana to hide his face when stealing the rv because it's way dirty and also he forgets about it unless he needs it after dealing with the van.

it's been 45 minutes i'm gonna stop actually

[pigeonp0st]

Since I loved your one shot about Lena, I'm requesting another one! Reader is a single mom and is afraid to tell Lena about her child cause she thinks Lena isn't going to take it well, but in the end Lena loves her child.

Lena Luthor x Reader #2

Words: 1,590

Warnings: none?

Notes:

Thank you for requesting! If you’d like me to change the name of the kid (or the gender) feel free to say so. Also...sorry if you were expecting more of Lena. I realized at the end that there might not have been enough (Sorry for spelling mistakes too).

———

Miles, your eight year old son, has started to pretend he’s a psychologist. He’ll sit you down, with your head in his small lap (which isn’t very ethical), and ask you about your life problems.

Usually, you’ll make up funny nonsense that he’ll struggle to find the solution to...but today a very real problem has arrived, and you know you shouldn’t be trying to confide in your little boy about this, yet you decide to anyway.

He knows about you and Lena, though Lena doesn’t know about him. He saw her on TV once, was awestruck by her “smartness”, and you let slip that she’s the woman you’ve been dating.

Dating used as a loose term, because you and Lena haven’t actually become anything official. It’s...weird. Made even more so by the fact that she doesn’t know about the most important person in your life.

You tell Miles as much in today’s session. He beams down at you, happy that you’re finally starting to take his sessions seriously, and then taps his finger against his lip, thinking. “You should just tell her,” he finally concludes after a long pause.

You narrow your eyes up at him suspiciously, and wonder if you should just pretend to take his advice and move on. You don’t. “People usually don’t want to get involved with single moms.”

His eyes furrow at that, clearly upset, so you rush on. “If someone doesn’t want to be involved with you, none of me longs to be involved with them,” then, you pause, “I just want to want to be involved with Lena.”

“So this stems from past trauma?” Miles asks, and you gape at him, shocked.

“Where the f—when did you learn any of those words, honey?”

He grins at you again, clearly proud of himself, and then schools his face into an attempt of looking professional. It’s humorous. “Psy- Psych—”

“Psychology.”

“Yes, that. It says that our fears usually come for childhood trauma.”

“I’m not scared,” but even as you say that you know it’s not true. You make a mental note to watch over whatever the hell Miles is listening to, to make sure it’s age appropriate. “Even if I am, it’s definitely not from childhood trauma.”

“From relationship trauma then?”

You let out a shocked laugh, completely stumped. “Baby, your eight. If you keep saying smart things you’re going to start scaring me.”

“Let's talk about your fears,” He suggests. Clearly wanting to move on he gestures for you to sit up. Once you do, he hops up from the couch, grabs his clipboard from the coffee table, and starts scribbling down things you aren’t able to see.

“Okay,” you hesitantly agree. “I’m scared Lena will want nothing to do with me.”

“Why is that something you're scared of?”

You give him a confused look that he pays no attention to. “Obviously I like her...I also fear that you won’t.”

He nods, finally looking up from his clipboard. “And what happens if I hate her, and she hates me, so she leaves and you never speak to her again?”

You choke on absolutely nothing.

“What will you do then?” Miles asks, and you have no response for him. He doesn’t seem to want one. “You’ll deal with it, like you always have. So stop worrying until it comes. If it comes.”

You’re equal parts extremely proud of him, and extremely concerned as you think over what he’s said.

Then, as if he’s tired of being the smartest eight year old alive, he hands you the paper he was working on for half of your ‘session’. The paper is full of sharp lines that get more curvy and tangled the closer they get to what appears to be the middle.

“This,” he says, “is how you’re feeling.”

And you believe him.

———

It takes you a week to build up the courage to tell Lena about Miles. He surprisingly helped you come to the realization that holding off on telling Lena the truth won’t change the outcome.

In fact...it would probably make things more complicated. Even now, she deserved to know sooner than this.

It’s too late, of course. There’s no point in wishing you had done differently.

“Are you okay?” Lena asks through the phone, sounding so beautifully concerned over the fact that you haven’t spoken for awhile. God, you're whipped for this world-saving genius.

“Yeah,” you say, ���just...you know how I said I had something to talk to you about?” You don’t wait for her to confirm, because of course she remembers, she’s looked scared because of it all day. “I sort of have to show you...so would you mind coming over?”

Yes, you’re a coward that’s hoping Lena seeing Miles for herself, instead of you telling her about him, will make her more accepting. Miles has a very convincing charm.

“You want me to go to your place?” Lena sputters, clearly shocked.

In an instant you regret the decision you were so sure about before. Maybe Lena isn’t ready. You should tell her before she comes, so she isn’t shocked out of her mind when she sees him.

You should—

“Okay,” Lena says, determined. You hadn’t even responded to her before. “I’ll be there soon.” And then she hangs up the phone before you manage to say anything, leaving you wondering what the fuck you’re doing.

You could call her back.

...you’re not going to. You’re too scared.

——

Miles waits by the door, dressed in his best suit. He knows how anxious you are about this, despite how hard you’ve been trying to hide it since your weird ‘session’, so he says he’s going to try and be the best him he can be.

You tell him that all he needs to be is his normal self and everything will be alright, but he admits to being nervous to meet Lena too, because she’s super smart. (He’s been watching anything he can find of her on the internet)

Thus, the two of you wait together impatiently, trying not to descend into madness.

——

At some point Miles starts making and handing you scribbles of how you feel, and you start making and handing them back.

It’s while you’re handing Miles your next piece that the doorbell rings.

He doesn’t look to be that nervous anymore, just excited, so he follows you on your track to answer the door, and with each step you contemplate your entire existence beyond Miles.

Then…Then you open the door.

Miles is hiding behind your leg, looking up at Lena with hesitant hopefulness and uncertainty, it’s the exact match of the way you’re looking at her, and Lena is looking at him with wide eyes.

Because you’re sure you’re about to die from the silence, you croak out a wobbly and quiet; “hi,” at the same time Mile’s sticks out his hands and says his own charming greeting.

“Hello, doctor Y/L/N here. Nice to meet you.”

“Lena Luthor.” As if on autopilot Lena shakes his hand. “You’re a doctor?” She asks, smiling the smallest of smiles at him.

He nods his head eagerly, glad she’s smiling. “Yeah! Of—of psy- psych...”

“Psychology,” You finish. Lena’s gaze switches to you. It’s the moment you think you’re gonna die, but her gaze is concerned instead of disappointed.

“He’s older than the photo on your wallpaper suggested,” Lena says.

Oh.

Oh…

You’re an idiot.

Then, Lena smiles—wider this time because of your dumbstruck expression—and looks at Miles. “To be a doctor you have to be pretty smart.”

He nods, his eyes practically full of stars.

“That’s how I know you and I are going to get along great.”

Miles grins madly, pushes you a bit to the side so Lena can come in, and says, eager, “can I show you my work, please?”

And Lena looks from you, to him, laughs a laugh full of amusement and endearment, and agrees gracefully. “I’d love it if you would.”

———

Lena adores Miles.

Around him she almost seems, impossibly, like a child herself. She so obviously and beautifully wants him to like her, and all the while Miles is almost exactly the same around her.

They’re both complete dorks trying to subtly get each other's attention and all you want to do is watch the two of them interact for ages.

They both were two separate parts of your life, and now they’re merged better than you ever expected them to.

It’s great. Absolutely great. But whenever they turn their twin gazes on you you’re sure you’re going to melt into a puddle of adoration.

Wow.

“What is it?” You ask them, after they’ve both looked at you for too long without saying anything.

Lena tilts her head, her smile concerned again, “you look like you’re about to cry.”

Miles nods his agreement. “What’s wrong mom? Does whatever bothering you stem from childhood trauma?” He asks, and at Lena’s ‘the fuck’ face you burst out into a fit of laughter, that quickly turns into tears of absolute love.

Both Miles and Lena looked at you with alarm because they don’t realize this is the happiest you’ve been in a while. It is though. It is.

“Not childhood trauma,” you assure them both, and before Miles can suggest it you add; “not past relationship trauma either, it’s happy tears.”

“Oh,” Lena stutters, “good.”

“Oh,” Miles repeats, sounding relieved and a tad bit disappointed. “I haven’t learned how to deal with those tears yet.”

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S1:E4; Chapter Four, The Body - [Pt. 3]

A Will Byers x Male!Reader Series

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘌𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘠/𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧.

WARNINGS: Cursing. Homophobic comments from Tr*y [his in script use of the word fa*ry once] Reader fucking SNAPS.

|| 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕 ||

The five of us rode our bikes down the road to school, El on the back of Mike's bike as usual. She seemed eager to soak in everything around her like she would never see it again. Wind brushed the wig aside and she clung tightly to Mike.

Mike was beginning to slow down, the group of us all growing tired from the ride. Soon enough, however, we were walking through the back doors to the schools. Mike was in the lead as he turns to speak to us as we walked.

"Okay, remember, if anyone sees us, look sad."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

'He is still missing, isn't he?'

My thoughts were interrupted by the crackling of the speaker.

"Attention students, there will be an assembly to honor Will Byers in the gymnasium now. Do not go to fourth period."

I looked to the ceiling at the mention of my best friend and by the time I looked ahead, we had made it outside the AV room. Mike was attempting to open the door but it must be locked.

"It's locked." Mike confirmed.

"What?" Lucas asked.

"Hey, El, is there any way for you to open it?" I ask.

Before she could respond, we all jumped at the voice of Mr. Clarke and froze.

"Boys? Lady." He nodded towards El.

"Hey." Lucas breathed, obviously startled.

"Assembly's about to start."

"We know. We're just, you know..." Mike works a solemn look on his face as he spoke and the others seemed to join in, including me although it wasn't that difficult.

"Upset." Lucas nodded, dropping his nervous smile.

"Yeah, definitely upset," Dustin muttered.

I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better to say nothing at all and even looked down to the ground. Channeling all my emotions from just hours before.

"We need some alone time."

"To... cry." Dustin hesitated.

"Yeah, listen... I get it. I do. I know how hard this is, but let's just be there for Will, huh? And then," Mr. Clarke reached into his pocket and pulled out a key.

He tossed the key to Mike who caught it upon instinct.

"the Heathkit is all yours for the rest of the day. What do you say?"

We all looked to each other, wearing subtle triumphant smirks. It couldn't have been that easy, could it?

Mr. Clarke seemed to finally notice that he had no idea who El was.

"I don't believe we've met. What's your name?"

El seemed shocked and began to say 'Eleven' when Mike panicked and cut in.

"Eleanor! She's my, uh-"

"Cousin!" Lucas jumped in.

"Second cousin," Dustin added.

I started to laugh but caught myself just in time to play it off as a cough. I pretended to clear my throat as I looked to Mr. Clarke who was looking a bit confused.

"She's here for Will's funeral." Mike sighed.

Mr. Clarke seemed content with this answer as he shrugged and turned to her.

"Ah, well, welcome to Hawkins Middle, Eleanor. I wish you were here under better circumstances."

She looked to us and Mike, then turned to Mr. Clarke nodding her head. "Thank you."

A small smile fought its way into my face. She was doing great.

"Uh, where are you from exactly?"

El shook her head, sighing exasperatedly. "Bad place-"

"Sweden!" Dustin cuts in.

"I have a lot of Swedish family."

"She hates it there."

"Cold!"

"Subzero."

Meanwhile, I had fought back another laugh at the whole exchange and I had to play it off as a cough yet again.

"Are you alright, Mr. Henderson?"

My head snapped up, but luckily I was fairly quick on my feet this time.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I woke up with a fever, haven't been feeling well all morning. But I insisted on coming. For Will." Mr. Clarke seemed satisfied with my answer and dismissed our odd behavior.

"Shall we?"

"Yep!" We all follow Mr. Clarke to the gymnasium in silence.

As we get closer, I can hear the principal speaking from inside.

"At times like these, it is important that we come together as a community. We come-"

Dustin swung open the gymnasium doors far too hard and the loud bang echoed throughout the gym that had drawn the attention of the crowd. I elbow Dustin. I feel him shifting on his feet beside me as panic sets in.

"Abort." He whispers, turning to leave.

Thankfully, Lucas stops him and shoved him forward.

"We come together to heal... we come together to grieve..."

As the principle continues his speech, the five of us wander into the bleachers to find a seat.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

"Will Byers' death is an unimaginable tragedy. Will was an exceptional student and a wonderful friend to all of us. It's impossible to express the hole his loss will leave in our community. I'd like to introduce you to Sandy Sloane. She's a local grief counselor from the church over in Jonesboro."

While the principal carried on, the five of us all looked to each other, all sharing the same thought.

'We need to get to that radio. And soon.'

"I just want those of you who are having trouble dealing with this tragic loss..."

"Look at these fakers." I heard Mike whisper.

"They probably didn't even know his name till today." Lucas scoffed.

My head whipped to the side when I heard hushed chuckling. I wasn't surprised to see Troy and his friend as the source of the laughter. I glared daggers into them and my hands gripped the edge of my seat until I was sure my knuckles would tear.

The boys and El seemed quick to follow my gaze because soon enough, we were all leaning over glaring at them.

"Who is interested in this? This is so stupid." He laughed.

I grit my teeth as my vision filled with red.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

"Y/n..." Lucas warned, reaching out for my arm. I wasn't paying attention, but for some reason, I felt his hand leave my arm almost as soon as he grabbed it.

"'Oh, he was such a great student. Oh, he's going to leave a hole in the community.'" Troy mocked, beginning to fake sob.

I began to shake with rage, wanting nothing more than to stand up and scream 'fu-'

"Y/n,"

"What?!" I hissed at Lucas, my head whipping around to face him, my jaw clenched.

I saw fear in his eyes as he glanced between my eye line and my hands. I looked down at my own hands to see the dangerously strong grip on the wood. I yanked my hands off the bench and rubbed my hands together, keeping to myself.

I was shocked to see the faintest imprint of the most vaguely shaped hand on the bench. It was hardly noticeable and I had to do a double take.

'What the hell?'

El was leaning over and she met my gaze. She briefly looked at my hands, seeming to dismiss whatever thoughts she had. Then looked to Troy.

"Mouth breather." She whispered.

I let out a strained chuckle and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, mouth breather." I whispered, looking back and Troy.

Eventually, the bell rang, dismissing the assembly. Even though Lucas and Dustin seemed to have let it go, Mike and I were not finished.

"Hey! Hey! Hey Troy." Mike called.

I could tell he could hear us because he barely slowed down but was clearly laughing. I stomped towards him and called him out, loud and clear.

"Hey, jackass!"

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. He seemed like he wanted to be mad, but almost like he was happy he got a rise out of us.

"You think that shit was funny?" My voice never wavered and the boys and El seemed just as shocked as I was feeling at my newfound courage.

"What'd you say, orphan?" He asked, dumbfounded.

He only called me that when he was really pissed at me.

"You heard me! And how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not an orphan if I was adopted, you dumbass! Now what the hell is in that tiny brain of yours that would compel you to laugh at someone dying, huh? I mean, shit, you must really be sick in the head. I feel sorry for you." I spit out my last few words, my voice dripping with malice.

By now I was in his face, finally letting out all the pent-up aggression I've harbored for years. And it felt good.

"Get the hell outta my face, freak!" He yells shoving me back.

I get ready to strike but Dustin grabs my arm before my fist can collide with Troy's face. I struggle to get free but my brother was determined to hold me back, with the help of Lucas of course.

"Control your 'brother', Toothless. Or he just might lose a few teeth of his own." He glares at me and I still attempt to break free.

Mike seems to have found his voice as all of this happened because he was the next to speak.

"H-Hey, he's right! Laughing like that? That's a pretty messed up thing to do."

Troy, glares at us as his minion speaks.

"Didn't you listen to the counselor, freaks? Grief shows itself in funny ways."

"You little shit-" I attempt once more to get a right hook in but Lucas stops me.

Troy laughs at me struggling.

"Besides, what's there to be sad about, anyway? Will's in fairyland now, right? Flying around with all the other little fairies. All happy and gay!"

Lucas loosened his grip on me, silently letting me go as Troy began dancing around, mocking Will.

I swung my fist and I felt it collide with his nose with a satisfying crack. He stumbled back and grasped his nose in surprise, he pulled his hand away to find a few drops of blood on his hands. The crowd that had gathered while all of this unfolded, gasped in surprise. I even earned some scattered cheers among the students.

I seemed to realize the consequences of my actions, but I was prepared to face them. It was worth it. I watched as he stormed towards me, blinded by fury.

"You're dead, freak!" He stomped towards me at a shocking speed and I stumbled back, bracing myself for the inevitable retaliation but it never came.

All I felt was a sudden pair of hands on my right arm, harshly pushing me out of the way. I looked in time to see it was Mike who pushed me out of the way. I gakwed in confusion at what happened next.

Troy had just begun to raise his arm as he was only inches from Mike when he froze.

He completely froze in place.

He seemed just as confused, if not more than anyone. That confusion quickly bubbled into fear as his eyes scanned the room as much as he could without moving his head.

It finally dawned on me and I spared a quick glance at El, who was laser-focused on Troy, head tilted down and the smallest hint of blood dripping from her nose. I smirked and looked back to Troy, a smug smile on my face.

I couldn't hold back the laughter as I saw his pants begin to dampen with urine. A stream of it began pooling at his leg, and it even soaked into his socks and shoes. Other students caught on quickly and one boy in particular, began laughing.

"Dude, Troy peed himself!"

The circle of kids erupted into laughter as Troy stood frozen in a puddle of his own pee. I turned to El, who wore a devilish smirk on her face as she glanced between Mike and me. She quickly wiped her nose and started walking away. The boys and I enjoyed this brief moment of bliss.

"Hey! What is going on here?" The principle shouted.

"Come on!" I whisper, gesturing for the boys who all had the same idea. Before people could start asking questions we grouped together and made our way to the AV room unnoticed.

[xneens]

love me, hate me - part two

Warnings: explicit sexual content, swearing

Word count: 3.3k

Summary: Christmas comes around and Ransom wants you more than ever.

part one

"You're telling me you actually want to date this guy? The one who can't even make you cum?" you asked, licking the remaining frosting from your finger. You placed the messy bowl in the sink, watching your best friend trying—and failing—to get the egg shells out of the mixture.

Meg gave up, dumping the brownie batter down the sink with the water running, fed up with the shells. "Yeah, but sex isn't everything, you know. I don't know—it's just this guy isn't like my exes. He genuinely cares about my feelings, and doesn't control me. Besides, he made me cum a few times. He's nice."

With Mariah Carey's Christmas music playing in the background, the miniature Christmas tree on the table, and the snow falling, the Thrombey household felt festive. Although, the people bundled up and arguing in the next room—not so much. Yet, neither of you cared while you continued to work, helping Martha out, on the desserts. It wasn't going as well as planned, but you took it as a positive considering you hadn't started a fire. Yet.

"Ah, yes, nice. Can't relate. I'm currently attracted to assholes who have anger issues." you commented, passing Meg the flour once again. Your creation was in the oven, and all you hoped was that no one got food poisoning because of it. Even you couldn't live with the guilt of Ransom, or his touchy father, throwing up Christmas morning.

"Currently?" Meg asked, raising an eyebrow, getting eggs out of the fridge for the hundredth time. She glanced at the direction of the door, the sound of it opening drawing both of your attention. "I'm pretty sure your daddy issues didn't just happen recently. Speaking of which, you may be the main reason Ransom decided to come back for Christmas instead chasing a model around."

You rolled your eyes, sitting back in your chair while contemplating whether or not it's too late to ditch. While Ransom was hot, his spoiled attitude wasn't worth tolerating for a quick fuck. With sarcasm dripping, you sighed. "Oh, how wonderful. 'Cause, that's exactly what I need right now."

Meg chuckled, focusing on the task at hand, trying not get shells in the mixture again. She had held off on mixing the dry stuff, much to your dismay, but to her it made sense to get the hard part out of the way so it wouldn't fuck everything up. Your best friend had just finished cracking her last egg when Harlan walked into the kitchen, Ransom trailing a few feet behind him. The playboy's eyes immediately landed on you, yet you didn't meet his, too preoccupied with the phone in your hands.

Harlan's slight frown lifted into a smile, surveying how messy the kitchen had gotten. "My, my, I wasn't aware a cake had exploded in my kitchen."

Looking up, you grinned at the old man, the smile reaching your eyes until you saw who was behind him. Ignoring Ransom, you giggled at Harlan's remark. "You call it a mess, we call it baking."

"As long as you ladies are having fun." Harlan replied, patting your shoulder before heading off towards his office, too tired to deal with his dysfunctional family at the moment.

Ransom lingered, walking up to you, a smirk impended on his face. Yet, you refocused you're attention back on your phone while Meg left the room, her apron still attached to her. You didn't question her sudden disappearance, knowing she was just as annoyed at Ransom's presence. The man in question peeked over you shoulder to see your screen showing off another man's dick, the words right below it explicit.

His jaw clenched in jealousy. Much to his chagrin, the man's dick was just as big as his own. But, he kept the icy exterior up. "Would it be offensive to ask whether or not your baking will make me sick this evening?"

You scoffed without looking up, tapping out of the dick pic your previous hook up had sent. "Since when do you care if you're offensive or not? Who are you, and what have you done to Ransom Drysdale?"

Ransom shrugged, leaning against the kitchen island while facing your annoyed expression. His smug behavior got under your skin, and the bastard was well aware. "Maybe all this Christmas spirit got into me. Or maybe I'm trying to be nice."

You raised an eyebrow, getting off your chair, rushing to the window, pretending to be looking for something. After a few seconds, Ransom's curiosity got the best of him and he joined you, looking for anything unusual outside. The snow-covered land showed nothing out of the ordinary, furthering Ransom's confusion.

"What are you looking at? I can't see anything." he said, squinting at the general direction you had look at.

Shrugging, you moved back to your seat, propping your elbows on the back of the chair, allowing a smug smirk lift your lips. "I thought pigs were flying. Ransom Drysdale isn't capable of being nice, yet alone say the word. I'm shocked hell hadn't freeze over. Yet."

The playboy rolled his eyes, crossing his arms as he took your body in, wrapped in his favorite color, the dress hugging your curves. "What's a guy have to do to be taken seriously with you? You and I both know I can give you everything you want, and more."

"Are you trying to buy me right now?" you asked, half teasing, half annoyed. Ransom could not take a hint, and you hated the fact that he didn't back off despite the sarcasm and insults you threw his way.

"I'm trying to be nice but you're making it really hard." Ransom answered, his cockiness wearing off. He was growing frustrated the more you looked at him like he was a piece of trash. All you wanted him to be was nice, now that he was trying to be, you wouldn't believe his intentions, despite wanting to prove it to you.

Pursing your lips, you tapped your finger against the table, the acrylic nail making a clicking noise. "You wanna prove it? Fine. You've got til midnight tonight. If you're unable to change my mind, you have to buy me my spring break vacation, all the fees and expenses."

"And if I do change your mind..." Ransom smirked, brushing a stray hair behind your ear, earning a half-hearted glare. "... you have to go on a date with me."

Ransom nearly burst out laughing from your shocked expression, the genuine look of surprised slapped on your face with the words. You shut your hanging jaw, still not processing what he was saying. "Excuse me?"

"You have to go on a date with me if I convince you that I'm willing to change my, and I quote, 'bratty and douchebag ways.' An actual date where we sit down, eat dinner, talk about our feelings, and get drunk. Whatever happens, happens." Ransom purred, placing a finger on your bottom lip. You slapped his hand away, and his smirked grew. "Are you going to back out of this already, princess?"

It was your stubborn side that made agree, pressing your lips into a thin line, you grabbed Ransom's hand, shaking it. He raised an eyebrow while you sighed. "You're on. Hope you have enough money to pay for a lengthy trip. I plan on drinking every bottle of wine in Italy."

Despite your baking debacle, you left the kitchen, leaving Meg's monstrous creation on the counter along with Ransom. You went into the living room, trying to find the girl in question when you happened to stumble upon Richard. He barely got to say a word before you turned around, and left the pervert behind. It was always a puzzle how Ransom turned out so hot with Richard and Linda as parents.

Climbing the stairs, you heard the family arguing growing quieter with each step. The second floor was almost a safe haven considering Harlan didn't let anyone raise their voice in the upper level, making it the only quiet place in the house, safe from any Thrombey fights. It was a wonder how the family hadn't murdered each other yet; it was only a matter of time.

Unable to find Meg in your shared room, you sighed, patting your body to find your phone only to realize you left it in the kitchen. With Ransom.

"Looking for this?" Ransom held out your phone, coming up behind you. His usual smirk was gone, a small, genuine smile in its place. It made him look less arrogant.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear.

You took your phone back, half expecting him to take it back just as you wrapped your fingers around it. But he didn't. You realized he was pulling out all the stops, all the little things that you found annoying was gone. He was acting. Eyes narrowing, you unlocked your phone, studying him. "Thanks. I think."

"Meg is helping the Brazilian maid." Ransom answered your silent question. Your thumb hovered her contact, going back to the home screen. Your eyebrows had risen by his mis-categorization of Martha's race and employment. "Pretty sure they went to the grocery store or something."

"Oh, okay." you replied lamely, putting your phone in your back pocket, the tight jeans making it nearly impossible. Opening the door to your room, you stepped in, not giving Ransom another look. But he followed inside, making you turn around. "Do you need something?"

Ransom stuffed his hands in his pockets, the cream-colored sweater shifting with the gesture. "You didn't exactly give me much time to prove myself. And looking around, we're all alone. I can't think of a better time."

As much as you hated to admit it, he had a point. The bet was a bit unfair considering how stubborn you were, and the amount of time he had to convince you. But it was a bit unsettling seeing Ransom try so hard, let alone being nice. You nodded, agreeing. "Fine, but can I change first? I'd rather not be covered in flour while you try to seduce me."

"You and I both know I wouldn't seduce you before dinner. There's no way in hell I'd treat you like the others." he mumbled to himself, but you heard it. Clearing his throat, he stepped out of the room. "Yeah, I'll be outside. Waiting. Take your time."

As soon as the door closed, you looked around the room to check if you were being pranked, expecting Ashton Kutcher to burst out of the closet along with a bunch of cameramen. After a few seconds, you came to the conclusion that Supernatural was in this universe, deciding "Ransom" was a shapeshifter or a demon possessed him. It was the only reasonable explanation.

Reaching for the hem of your top, pulling it off in one swift move, dropping it on the bed. Your jeans piling on top, allowing your legs to breathe. Despite Joni's hippie side, she had let Meg sneak in a few joints, the smell becoming stronger as you neared both your suitcases. You didn't think Harlan would be too please to have weed in his house, no matter how lenient he is.

You took your time, a little baffled by what to wear. Ransom hadn't exactly given you an agenda on his plans, leaving you to grab a clean pair of black jeans, and a classy, yet simple, red top. You looked decent enough to fit in a nice restaurant, but casual in case Ransom decided he wanted McDonald's, and most importantly: warm. If he wanted to take you to the North Pole, then he'd have to give you his cozy-looking sweater.

You opened the door, the sight of Ransom rocking on his heels greeting you. His back was to you, his hands inside his pockets as he looked out the window, frost crawling along the edges. It genuinely concerned you how much this man was acting; if you didn't know better, you'd think it was real.

Clearing your throat, you watched him jump in surprise, quickly turning to you. Raising an eyebrow, you tucked your phone in your pocket, meeting his warm, blue eyes. "I'm ready."

"Okay." said Ransom, motioning for you to follow him. You walked down the stairs without a word, the air becoming thick as you walked behind him. The sweater did little to no good disguising his broad shoulders, the muscles somehow still visible under the clothing.

As soon as you reached the bottom, you glanced around, the Thrombey fighting becoming louder with each second. It wouldn't be long before one of them stormed out of the room, muttering a curse under their breath. You'd seen all of them do it at least once. You crossed your arms, wary of whatever Ransom was planning. "Be honest, you're not just going to drive me off to the middle of the woods and murder me, are you?"

Ransom chuckled, giving you a wink as he held his hand out. Without hesitation, you took it. "If I was planning to murder you, I wouldn't do it in the woods. If you're going to die, it's going to be epic."

"Oh, well, that makes me feel better." you sneered sarcastically, instantly rolling your eyes. In the back of your mind, you pondered how long it would take for your eyes to get stuck in your brain with the amount of times you rolled them at Ransom.

He led you towards the door, smirking. "You ready?"

"No. Let's go."

—

"Fuck, baby."

He spent a few moments just staring at your spread pussy, amazed and aching for you more than he ever ached for anything.

"Don't you know why I want you to see it, Ransom?"

Ransom just shook his head without taking his eyes off the your pneumatic body.

"Because it's yours," you sighed. "All yours, baby. You're the one I've been keeping it nice and fresh for."

"Fuck," he muttered.

He kept staring at you, waiting for you to rub you pussy again, but you didn't. You just kept holding it spread.

"Don't you wanna taste me, Ransom?" you purred, barely above a whisper. "C'mon, baby, please. I want you to lick it so bad. I love you so much and I want to give you everything that belongs to you."

The playboy was all but paralyzed by your words. He finally dragged his eyes off your open pussy and looked at your face. You were staring back at him with a glazed look in your eyes. His solid cock was pulsing hard in the tight grip of his fist. No girl had ever looked at him the way you were at that very moment, yet at the same time, he knew you were playing with the hottest kind of fire there was.

"Sweetheart, you know this wasn't the deal." he whispered, distracted.

You smirked. "But you still won."

He finished the thought by leaning down and sliding his tongue up and over your generously offered pussy. You pulled in a sharp gasp when Ransom's tongue lit up your heavily tingling pussy. Your hips rolled instantly in response, your gasps turning to moans while Ransom eagerly slathered his tongue all around your creamily delicious slit. He soon focused his attention on your clit and slipped a finger up inside your hole at the same time.

The man's finger curled and twisted inside you, searching for you g spot while he suckled and lapped at your fully swollen clit. You could barely form words as you gasped and moaned, your luscious body now writhing with desire.

Your pussy oozed heavily the more he licked and fingered you. Your cream was sweet, tangy and intensely intoxicating. Ransom probed at your hole with his finger and the tip of his tongue at the same time, but he soon drew his soaking wet finger out of your hole and wedged it between your ass cheeks, searching for your puckered rimhole.

You gasped deeply and lifted your legs up higher, giving Ransom better access to your asshole. He massaged your tight bud with his honey-coated finger and made deep, hungry love to your pussy with his mouth.

"God god god god, Ransom!" you cried, your hips rolling harder and harder against the man's mouth and finger.

Your body went tense for a few moments and then relaxed. Ransom backed off and watched you languish after your orgasm, pausing briefly to catch your breath. Then you shifted your body and took the hem of your outfit into your hands and peeled it off over your head. Ransom pulled off his T shirt and slid over on top of your luscious body, grinding his rock-hard cock against your pussy as he lowered himself to kiss you.

You whimpered while Ransom's chest mashed down against your heavy, naked tits. They felt amazing against his body, and he was beyond reason when the your mouth opened and set your tongue into motion against his.

Ransom had never kissed any girl so hard or hungrily in his life. Nor had any kissed him back the way you had. At the same time, you were grinding your slick, wet pussy against his cock as hard as he was grinding against you. Then he squeezed his hands in between them and grasped at your tits, kneading them eagerly with his strong hands.

He released your mouth and said," Baby girl, reach down there and put my cock inside you for me. I need that pussy bad, but I can't bring myself to let go of these fantastic tits now that I finally have my hands on them."

You giggled happily and kissed him again while you worked your hands down between your naked bodies. Finally, you got one hand on your pussy and spreading yourself open while you wrapped the other around Ransom's thick cock.

"Oh geezus, fuck, Ransom, you're so fucking hard," you cooed. "Oh god fuck me deep."

You tucked Ransom's cock head into your wet maw and he began grinding his shaft deeper into your sheath. Your pussy felt so tight and creamy, and you both groaned as his rock-hard flesh gradually filled your body. You looked at each other in disbelief, even though nothing had ever felt more right or natural.

Ransom growled as he began to pump his cock in and out of your spectacular body with long strokes. His grip on your tits went tighter and he lowered his head to suck and lick on your swollen nipples.

You whimpered with pleasure, wrapping your legs around his hips and grinding your pussy hard against his thrusting cock. It wasn't long before he was straining to hold on and keep fucking you deep and hard. You didn't make it any easier because of the way you were moaning and your cunt squeezed his pounding cock every time you came.

Finally, Ransom raised himself up on his hands while he pumped your succulent pussy hole as hard and fast as he could, watching your pretty face twist with pleasure while your tits heaved with the force of his lunging body.

"Gimme your cum, baby. I want it in me...fuck!"

With a final, frenzied volley of full body thrusts, Ransom's pulsing cock exploded in your pussy, filling you with a hot flow of jetting spunk.

After, they spent a long time kissing while Ransom caressed the your beautiful tits. He kept his cock buried inside you until his flesh finally started to relax.

You fell asleep in each other's arms, and Ransom knew he had the girl he always needed right there with him. He had been right, all the sarcastic comments and stupid fights had been worth it.

In the morning, Ransom awoke from a haze of dreams to look down and find you lying between his legs with your lips sliding up and down his swollen cock. When you realized he was awake and watching you, you released his big cock from your mouth, giving his shaft a long lick before greeting him.

"Merry Christmas, Ransom."

[killjoysfromyesterday]

my first prompt for bad things happen bingo! excited for this!

@badthingshappenbingo

pneumonia - kobra kid

word count: 1,218

i’m truly sorry, i don’t know how to do a read more cut on mobile, i’d really appreciate if someone taught me : (

——————

it started as just dust allergies. a common cold. something like that, something that he didn't even pay attention to.

but before he had a chance to speak up and get himself sorted out, the coughing and the chills peaked and left him all hollow inside.

jet had mother-henned him into going to bed early, after the firepit left him sneezing and coughing like ghoul after a bad cigarette. he couldn't tell what time it was now; probably morning by the light peaking through the girl-proofed (see also: boarded up) windows in the bedroom. the heat of the day was creeping in, settling like a fog even indoors. it just added to his lethargy.

with a heaving sigh, he kicked the blankets from his gangly limbs and rolled over, grunting as his shirt stuck to him with cold sweat. his red jacket was draped across the edge of the mattress, probably set there by poison.

and speak of the devil, the door creaks open and the light pitter-patter of poison's footsteps fill the room. kobra tries his best to sit up for him, because maybe if he pretends not to be sick anymore they'll all stop mother-henning him and let him go to the crash track, but scooting up sends him into another coughing fit.

kobra's dizzy when his lungs finally decide to cooperate, and he slumps back against the nest of pillows poison had propped up for him.

“your fever isn't letting up." poison comments, hand cool against kobra's forehead. their eyebrows are stitched together like they always do when they're worried, and somehow it just makes kobra feel worse.

"have you been drinking water?" poison's voice cuts through his thoughts, and he shakes his head, which absolutely does not help the headache that's forming in the crown of his skull. his sinuses feel like they're going to explode and shit, he just wants to fall back asleep.

his eyes must've fallen closed because he didn't even notice that poison left the room until they reappear a few minutes later wielding a rag and a bottle of water. his throat's so dry it's hard to swallow, but the effort of sitting up to drink sounds fucking impossible.

poison unscrews the cap and sits down next to the mattress, helping kobra grip the bottle. their hand is beneath kobra's face as he drinks, catching the inevitable drops of water that roll down his chin.

"i know, kobes. just a couple more sips, okay? then you can go back to sleep, i promise. scout's honor." poison says when kobra starts to pull away, scrunching his face up at the taste. clean water's hard to get in the desert, and the treated shit always had that sour taste left over from the treatment formula. but to appease poison he takes a few more tentative sips and poison doesn't fight when he pulls away this time.

"where's everyone?" kobra asks as he lies back, half lowering-half flopping himself back onto the linens.

"jet’s with mads on his day off. the girl’s out with ghoul, they went to drop some stuff off to doc and pony. why?" poison says, pouring the remainder of the water bottle onto the rag.

"i promised her we'd go to the track today." kobra lets out a sigh of relief when poison sets the rag on his forehead, the cool cloth seeping into the heat of his fever. it doesn't last very long, but it feels better than before with the warmth of the desert baking into the room like a fucking sauna.

"it's alright. you can go some other time." poison smiles.

"i feel bad." kobra chews on the inside of cheek.

"why?"

"feel like i'm lettin' her down." he mumbles.

"kobes. you're not. she understands. she's old enough to get this stuff now." poison's words are reassuring but kobra's still not sure if girl would understand. they'd been planning this trip for days now.

"i guess so." he sighs, and tries to think of a way he could make it up to her later.

"we're home!" ghoul's voice rings through the diner, and a second later a weight slams into kobra's chest like a ton of bricks and sends him coughing again. the girl's hair rubs up against his chin as she settles herself on his chest. thank witch she's still snuggly, because with how independent she's getting, it hurts to see her need them less and less. it's all part of growin' up though, as jet would say.

"careful, girly. kobes isn't feelin' too shiny." poison warns. the girl edges off of him a little bit, her little face scrunching with concern.

kobra turns to ghoul. "how were doc and pony?"

"they're alright. you know doc, summer always makes his legs ache in that chair. pony's good." ghoul, much like the girl, attaches himself to his comfort person as soon as he gets home: he's slinking into poison's lap, nuzzling his face into poison's neck. poison wraps their arms around him, and ghoul makes a pleased nose that kobra's pretty sure is as close as a human gets to purring.

"i'm sorry we can't go today, baby." kobra sighs, and the girl climbs off of him a little bit to look at him.

"it's okay. you're sick." she claps her hands. "oh! and since jet isn't here to be doctor, i'll help you. first, let's assess your diagnostics."

"diagnosis." ghoul corrects, and poison nudges him. the girl just giggles.

"yeah! and then we'll work down to the root of your problem, and, oh, can we use those cool bandaids from the market?" she gives her best puppy eyes to poison, who relents (of course.)

"sure, but just one. no wasting." they say, and girl's rocketing out of the room, her swift footsteps disappearing in the direction of the kitchen.

"see? told you she wouldn't be upset. kid takes it in stride." poison says, resting their head on ghoul's shoulder. ghoul's already dozing off, and kobra's about to be right there with him, because all this exertion has him all dizzy and sleepy again.

the girl's back wielding a box of colorful bandaids, and she carefully plucks a yellow one and peels off the backing. she sticks it on kobra's forehead, sitting back to survey her work.

“there. don’t you feel so much better?” she asks.

“i feel so good, i feel like i could run all the way to tommy’s now.” kobra takes extra effort to make his voice as enthusiastic as possible, even if it’s scratchy and a bit unconvincing.

“woah! that far?” the girl asks, eyes wide.

“yeah, that far. but for now, i’m real tired.” kobra yawns.

“okay. but promise that we’ll race to tommy’s sometime? promise?” she

“pinky swear.” kobra says, locking his pinky with hers.

“alright girly, let’s let kobes get some shut-eye.” poison interrupts, tapping a now-sleeping ghoul who makes a noise of complaint as he rises from poison’s lap. the girl springs up from kobra’s bed, trotting over to where poison was opening the door.

“night-night kobra.” she whispers, following poison out. poison chuckles as they close the door behind them.

kobra falls back into his doze with a smile on his face and a bandaid on his forehead.

_________

[your-local-bnha-writer]

BNHA Incorrect Quotes pt 2

Word count: 791

Warning(s): Swearing

A/n: 500 Followers special! Thanks you guys so much!

I do not own any of these quotes!

Art: https://images.app.goo.gl/v1UbokJxyNqaQwYA7

———————————————————————

Y/n: I can fit the whole world in my hands!

Iida: Y/n, that's physically impossible

Y/n: *cups Iida's face* Are you sure?

Iida *blushing* This highly i-inappropriate for a w-work environment

Y/n: This is my boyfriend Sero and his boyfriend Kaminari

Mina: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Bakugou: I'm a knife

Y/n: He's the little spoon

Kendo: You keep hugging Y/n when they're  upset

Kendo: Next thing you'll know they're gonna fall in love with you. Is that what you want?

Monoma: *scoffing* Is that what I want.

Denki loudly over speaker: Yes.

Sero: Dude you were so drunk last night

Kaminari: What? No I wasn't

Sero: You were flirting with Y/n

Kaminari: So? They're my partner

Sero: You asked if they were single

Kirishima: And cried when they said they weren't

Todoroki: I am the most smartest, most skilled member of this group.

Y/n: Is your hand stuck in the vending machine?

Todoroki: I paid for my red vines

Todoroki: I'm getting my red vines

Y/n: Shouto-

Todoroki: [pretends to stretch his arms]

Todoroki: [puts arm around Izuku]

Sero: [watches Todoroki]

Sero: [ sees at you next to him]

Sero: [pretends to stretch]

Sero: [accidentally hits you in the face with his elbow]

Y/n: Guys, what colour is Denki's shirt?

Kirishima: Grey?

Iida: That is grey

Mina: Yeah, grey

Y/n: Now you tell them what colour you think it is

Denki: *whispering* ...Dark white

Y/n: Have you ever had a partner?

Sero: No

Y/n: *generally surprised* HOW?!

Sero: *shrugs* I don't know. Never asked. Never got asked.

Y/n, underneath breath: But you're so beautiful

Sero: *smiling* What?

Y/n: *flustered* What?! I-what happened?

Y/n: Whatcha doin?

Sero, hanging upside down with the use of his tape: Trying to kiss you

Y/n: You're gonna fall

Sero: ...

Sero: Shut up and kiss me

Sero: I'm getting lightheaded

Izuku: So Todoroki, what type of person would you date?

Todoroki: I need someone graceful, bold, intelligent and talented.

Y/n: Hey- *trips over own feet down a flight of stairs*

Todoroki: I WANT THAT ONE

Y/n: Love is complicated

Bakugou: Bullshit. Just pick somebody and love them. For instance: I pick you.

Iida: I will not have anymore of these idiotic arguments with you

Kaminari: Earth is not a planet

Iida: HOW THE FUCK IS EARTH NOT A PLANET?

Kirishima: Hey Y/n, I'm Kirishima

Y/n, nervously: Hi Y/n, I'm Kirishima

Y/n: So I heard you like badass, hardcore, people

Kirishima: Not really

Y/n, relieved: Oh thank god

Y/n: Did you eat all my powdered donuts?!

Sero: *mouth full of donuts* No

Y/n: Then what's the white power on your pants?

Sero:

Sero: That's cocaine

Kirishima: *fixing something* Hey could you give me a hand?

Y/n: Sure *grabs his hand and hold it*

Kirishima:

Kirishima: You know I love you but this isn't what I meant

Kirishima to Denki: I'm 95% sure Y/n does not like me back

Mina: *crashes through a window* Bitch are you blind?!

Y/n: *yawns*

Monoma: Yeah, being pretty must be tiring

Y/n: Then you must be exhausted

Monoma: *blushes furiously*

Any BNHA character: *takes shirt off*

Y/n: What a time to be alive

Y/n: In your opinion what is the height of stupidity?

Monoma: Hey Bakugou how tall are you?

Momo: You know what I love about guys?

Y/n: What?

Momo: Their partners

Momo: *winks at you*

Y/n: blushes

Any BNHA guy: Hey now

Kirishima: I'll take everything

Y/n: *thinking* You won't take my heart

Kirishima: You look stunning by the way

Y/n, underneath breath: Fuck

Iida: Class 1A is an competent team-

Y/n: Iida! Denki and Sero tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and broke everything!

Denki: This was your idea!

Y/n: You're the one who put the noddles in!

Someone: I'm sorry. You are-?

Bakugou: Better than you

Y/n: If it's a concussion you have to keep him conscious, okay? Ask him questions.

Tsuyu to Denki: What's seven times seven?

Bakugou: Stuff he knows

Kaminari: From now we will be using code names

Jirou is Been There, Done That

Y/n is Currently Doing That

Bakugou is It Happened Once in a Dream

Bakugou: What the f-

Sero is If I Had To Pick a Dude

Kirishima is—Eagle Two

Kirishima: Oh thank god

Y/n: Right now I don't know if I want to kiss you or push you off a bridge

Kaminari: Can I pick?

[smileyoongle]

Tsundere BTS! IDFC: In love with the best friend (Song Edition)

Alright so I discussed the need for BTS as tsunderes with someone and I suddenly got an idea. Please please please forgive me if any of it isn't accurate cause this was my first attempt so.... LET'S GET IT?!

Also this Imagine is based on the song IDFC by Blackbear. If you haven't heard it then please do cause it's so good.

Kim Seokjin:

Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face. Tell me that you love me, even if it's fake. Cause I don't fucking care...at all.

Jin cursed under his breath when you wrapped your hands around his arm and leaned your head on his shoulder. It would have been normal if you were his girlfriend. But you weren't. You were his best friend who had a boyfriend. And he was tired of it.

Tired of not being your boyfriend. Tired of hearing you cry only to end up going back to that bastard who just didn't know how to treat you right. Tired of pretending that he didn't have feelings for you. He wasn't good at showing his emotions anyway but he probably would have made an effort if he had a chance with you. But he didn't.

At this point, he just wanted you to tell him that you loved him. Even if it was a lie.

At this point, he just wanted you to look at him the way he looked at you. Even if you were imagining someone else at that moment.

He just didn't care, desperation had become his best friend lately.

"He took me for a long drive but it ended shortly. He got a call from Lila and she sounded hurt so he had to go look aft-" he scoffed at your words, earning a frown from you. He knew Lila very well, the campus it-girl who loved waking up in everyone else's bed but hers. She had tried seducing Jin too but it definitely didn't work on him. The cold wind made you shiver as you stopped walking beside Jin and crossed your arms, glaring at him. He rolled his eyes and turned to you. "Why did you react like that?" You asked, tilting your head to the side. With a sigh, Jin took off his coat and proceeded to place it on your shoulder. "Can't have you falling sick when your boyfriend clearly needs you, right?" He mocked, looking at you with the same cold eyes that you saw every day. You shook your head in confusion, frowning even more if that was even possible.

"And to answer your question, how else do you want me to react, Y/N? Honestly, I'm out of things to say when you keep talking about him whenever we meet. He doesn't fucking care about you. Lila is not a damsel in distress and you know that. If you don't then you're even more naïve than I thought." He stated, immediately regretting his words when he saw the tears building up in your eyes. You glanced down at your shoes and bit your lip before wiping away a tear that escaped your eye. "You talk as if you're so much better. Every time that I try to talk to you, all I get are vague replies. You don't care either, Jin! I really thought I could put up with your distant and cold self but it's hard an-" you explained, your voice cracking in the middle but Jin cut you off.

"Then leave."

As soon as you heard those words, your mind went blank. "What?" You whispered, looking at him with wide eyes. Jin's heart was tearing apart at how upset you seemed. But he couldn't do it any more. He wanted you more than just a best friend. 5 years of hidden feelings had too many consequences. But he knew it had to be done. "I don't want your friendship, Y/N. Don't mean to sound like a selfish ass but I want what he has. And he has you. And since you're very much happy with him fucking around then I can't stand by the sidelines and watch you get played. So do us both a favour and leave." Jin said, his voice sounding more and more distant as you watched him walk away. You pulled his coat tightly around you, telling yourself that everything was gonna be okay.

But were you gonna be okay?

____________________________________________

Kim Namjoon:

You're slurring all your words, not making any sense. But I don't fucking care...at all.

Your hands were lightly wrapped around Namjoon's as he rested his head on the palm of his other hand. Faint snores rang through the room as the sun began to rise, reminding him that he needed to get some shut-eye.

He couldn't believe that he had pulled an all-nighter just to take care of a drunk you.

The you, that had unwantedly confessed to him that you were, indeed, in love with him. Right after the words left your mouth, his mind went blank and his heart kept pounding. He tried so hard to keep himself calm while putting you to bed, trying to pry yourself off of him while you pouted and accused him of not loving you back.

Little did you know....

It had been too long. Namjoon didn't even remember when he first started having feelings for you. But it had definitely been too long. He wasn't the best at this. People avoided him because he looked rude. But to you, he was your best friend that you adored beyond description.

Namjoon tried to sleep but that seemed like an impossible task. He just wanted to sit and admire you while telling himself that you were drunk and you didn't know what you were saying. But his conscience was screaming at him. Because drunk words are sober thoughts.

Namjoon let his fingers rest on your cheek, smiling when you leaned into them unconsciously. But that smile disappeared just as it came when you opened your eyes, instantly wincing due to the terrible headache you had. With panic rising in his chest, Namjoon flicked at your cheek making you yelp. You glared at him while rubbing your forehead and your cheek simultaneously. "What the hell, Joon?!" You exclaimed, whimpering after. Namjoon returned your glare and grabbed the pills he had placed on the nightstand along with a glass of water. Handing them to you, he stood up and started to leave the room, stopping on hearing your voice.

"Okay, am I dreaming? Because by now I would have thrown myself out the window after hearing your lecture about 'Bad decisions and their consequences'." You stated, making quotation marks in the air. Namjoon frowned and turned around, glancing at the empty glass by your side.

"I don't feel the need to lecture you. You're a grown woman who can make her own decisions." He replied, making you frown in confusion. This was not how Namjoon reacted. He always told you how childish you were and only a miracle could change that thought of his. But the truth was, Namjoon couldn't say anything to you after your confession. Mostly because he didn't regret anything and also you weren't aware of what you had said.

"Did I...say something last night?" You asked, hoping to find out why Namjoon was acting this way. His eyes widened momentarily but you didn't notice.

It was really simple, actually. Or at least that's what Namjoon thought. There was no way that he could hold your words against you when they were said in the wrong situation. He cared about you but he was also afraid that you would laugh it off. That would probably hurt the most. He was willing to wait until you said it as if you meant it but if that never happened, he was also willing to forget his feelings, if that was possible.

"No. Now get ready. It's your turn to make breakfast today." And so he left, leaving your heart in pieces. But you didn't blame him.

You didn't blame him for not knowing that you were sober and it was an act. You didn't blame him for not knowing that your words were honest and sincere. You didn't blame him for not wanting you back.

You just didn't blame him.

____________________________________________

Min Yoongi:

Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care, like they ain't even there.

Damp hair and damp clothes. Smeared mascara and tear stained cheeks. A wreck is what you were. And the sobs leaving your mouth only added to your misery.

It was raining heavily and you were positive that you would have fallen sick by now if it weren't for Yoongi, who was holding an umbrella over your crying figure while standing in the rain himself. But you didn't notice because you were too busy loathing over being stood up on a date that you had with a guy who had flirted with you for over a month. It was definitely heartbreaking for you, but it was even more heartbreaking for Yoongi, because he had to watch his best friend cry over an asshole when he could've done something about it But this wasn't about him. This was about you.

So he let you cry your heart out as you sat on the concrete with your knees pulled up to your chest, shivering occasionally.

Yoongi had to watch you smile at your phone for a month. He had to listen to your late night conversations on the phone through the thin walls of your shared house. He had to help you dress up for a guy who didn't deserve you. A guy that wasn't him. And there was nothing more painful than that.

"Wh-why me?" You stammered, hiccups making their way through your lips. You had been crying for too long. You didn't even remember when you called Yoongi to pick you up, only to end up breaking down in the middle of the footpath. You didn't even remember when he got there or when the rain stopped hitting you because he placed his only umbrella above you.

Yoongi's heart broke even more on hearing your voice. It held so much pain, he wished he could take it away. "Get up." He ordered, his voice wavering a little. You looked up at him, frowning and sniffling at his sudden coldness. But you were used to it. Because you knew Min Yoongi like no one else. So you obliged, holding onto his arm as you almost fell down due to how exhausted you felt. You gasped lightly on seeing your best friend's drenched state. His lips were almost pale, making you feel guilty about being such a crybaby. "Tomorrow morning, the first thing you are doing is coming with me to that bastard's dorm. And when we reach there, you better slap him with all you've got, do you understand?" He asked, anger evident in his tone. You smiled slightly after hearing his words. And there was no need for you to ask him why. The answer was already before you, so you nodded.

"Good. Now let's go home and get you out of these ridiculous clothes. You look better in hoodies anyway." He stated, grabbing your hand and pulling you behind him. The warmth that ran through Yoongi when he held your hand was unfathomable. It just felt too comforting. He wished to hold your hand forever but that seemed impossible at the moment. He thought he was just your best friend and you'd never take it further than that.

Which is why he did it. Probably his most stupid decision but he did it anyway. He set up a date for himself with your friend, the one who clearly liked him. Not like you would be bothered anyway, right?

"Will you spend the entire day with me? Tomorrow?" He broke out of his thoughts on hearing your voice. He was buckling your seatbelt for you already. Your eyes skimmed over his lost expression. Something was on his mind.

"I can't. I have a date tomorrow. But we could do something after I get back." He replied, turning the engine on and pulling onto the road. You couldn't tell why but your heart felt like it was being ripped out of your chest. Obviously, he had his own life. He couldn't just be there for you whenever you wanted. Strangely, it hurt more than being stood up. Blinking rapidly, you tried to get rid of the tears filling your eyes again. Your eyes closed as you wondered if you had lost your only chance at happiness.

Wondering if you'd lost the only person who thought you were enough.

_____________________________________________

Jung Hoseok:

Cause I have hella feelings for you. I act like I don't fucking care, cause I'm so fucking scared.

You know, the nervous and anxious feeling that you get when you do something you've never done before, that makes you wanna run away? That's exactly how Hoseok felt, dry throat and clammy hands. It was as if he was gonna pass out but he couldn't afford to do that. Dance lessons for the day had just ended.

Which meant, time to talk to you.

Grabbing his water bottle, he watched as all the students left the room, leaving him alone with you. You, the best friend of the absolutely talented but misunderstood Jung Hoseok. He had first met you in this very room, when you had decided to join dance lessons to take your mind off of things. And now here you were, three years and an amazing friendship. A friendship that Hoseok was sure he was gonna ruin.

Taking in a deep breath, he walked towards where you were sprawled out on the floor, lying down in the same position beside you.

It had been precisely two years and 4 months since Hoseok had realised his feelings for you. No matter what he did, you were the only thing on his mind and he just couldn't imagine his life without you. Too much pain.

"I have to tell you something." He stated, staring at the white ceiling. He could feel your eyes on him but he couldn't bring himself to look into them, afraid he'd mess up his speech. "Me too." You replied, smiling at him even though he couldn't see it. You were beyond excited to see his reaction on hearing what you have to say. With a frown, Hoseok turned his head towards you, wondering if you had to say something more important. "You first." He urged, making you nod. You sat up straight and tucked your feet beneath your butt, biting your lower lip harshly.

"I like someone."

The words made Hoseok wanna throw up. His heart was beating faster and his breathing was becoming heavier. Side effects of a broken heart. He immediately sat up and turned away from you, not wanting you to see the distress on his face.

He couldn't even remember how many times this had happened to him before. Being rejected for someone else. It made him feel suffocated. He wasn't expecting you to do the same. After 2 years of preparing himself, this was definitely not what he wanted. He was scared of being in love but you made it seem like it was beautiful. How stupid of him to have let his guard down.

"Hobi, are you okay?" Your soft voice brought him out of his agony. His head was starting to hurt and he hadn't even noticed the tear that had fallen down his cheek. Quickly wiping it away, he stood up and rushed to grab his bag. "Fine." He mumbled, not wanting to talk to you anymore. It was a mistake and he had to fix it. He was better off without you anyway.

Seeing him walking out the door, you couldn't help but feel like things were going wrong when they weren't supposed to. It was supposed to be a simple beginning to a simple love story. You were going to confess to Hoseok and he was gonna say he felt the same. But for some reason, the words were stuck inside your throat.

"You had to say something too." You said, sighing in relief as he stopped in his tracks. After a minute of silence, he finally spoke. "I won't be coming here anymore. Don't waste your time trying to keep in touch with me. I really don't care."

You fell on your knees just as he left, your vision becoming blurry as painful tears filled your eyes. You clutched at your chest with a gasp because it hurt. It hurt too much to fix it. Everything went so wrong so fast. And you didn't even know what to do. Yes, he was cold at times but he did care. Or at least that's what you thought. You lay on the wooden floor, sobbing and complaining about how unfair this was.

About how love broke you.

___________________________________________

Park Jimin:

I'm only a fool for you. And maybe you're too good for me.

Hiding behind his stack of books, Jimin tilted his head to take a look at the entrance of the library. The doors were still closed, indicating that no one had come through yet. But Jimin knew it was only minutes until you barge in through those doors in search of him to help you with your upcoming test.

Jimin hated that you only needed him for studies or when you had to cry your eyes out over some boy who broke your heart. That's all he was. A second choice. And for some twisted reasons, he had ended up falling in love with you. His heart kept screaming at him that it was wrong. Because you were the popular girl and he was just the campus nerd. There was no way there could be something between you two.

Just like he'd predicted, the doors to the library opened and you walked in, glancing at the huge room to look for your best friend. Jimin sighed as he watched you disappear between a couple shelves, only to scare him by suddenly jumping at him from behind. "And what's my cute bean busy with?" You chirped, taking a seat beside him and chuckling on hearing his groan.

"I'm not cute." He stated, rolling his eyes and closing the book that was in front of him. You couldn't tell but Jimin's heart was pounding just because you were sitting too close to him. "Whatever you say, hotstuff!" You shrugged and placed your cheek on the palm of your hand, resting your elbow on the table. With another shake of his head, he shoved all his books in his bag and zipped it shut. Pushing his chair behind him, Jimin stood up and walked towards the exit as you followed him while holding his arm with both of your hands.

"Jiminie, I need your help." You said, pouting at him and batting your lashes. A frown etched itself on your face when Jimin raised his eyebrows and turned to you.

"Tell me something I don't know."

Your jaw dropped in surprise as you stopped in your track, looking at Jimin in disbelief as he continued to walk out of the campus.

"What is that supposed to mean?!" You yelled, chasing after him as he laughed softly at how offended you were. Just as you caught up to him, he pursed his lips, hiding all traces of the laughter he had just emitted. "Just tell me what you need, Y/N." He urged, squinting when the bright sunlight hit his face on stepping out of the campus. He heard you huffed beside him, growing a little concerned for you. Maybe you were really in trouble th-

"I need you to come on a date with me..."

He choked on his own saliva and turned to you with wide eyes. Did he really just hear you say that?

"... actually a double date."

Jimin shut his eyes and took in a deep breath before chuckling bitterly to himself. Of course, it was a double date. How could he even think otherwise? The thought of you going on a date with someone made his heart ache. This wasn't the first time but he still wasn't used to it. He could never get used to seeing you go out with someone who wasn't him. "No." He mumbled, quickening his pace towards where his car was parked. You whined and ran behind him, confused as to why he just rejected you. You had never heard Jimin say no to you for anything before. "Oh come on, it will be fun. My friend is bringing her boyf-" you started to convince him, only to be cut off when he let out a loud groan.

You knew this was a bad idea. Jimin would never actually agree to go on a date with you. You were only his best friend who he tolerated to no extent. Yes, sometimes you used him for different purposes but that was only because you wanted a reason to be by his side all the time.

"I said no, Y/N. Don't make me say something you don't wanna hear because you know I can. So please go and find someone else to play with. I'm done being your pet."

Ouch.

Jimin was so consumed by his thoughts that he didn't even listen to what you were trying to say. He just knew that he couldn't be in a one sided love story anymore. So he made it clear to you, not even sparing you a glance as he drove off. He didn't know what he had done. Because love is blind.

And so is pain.

____________________________________________

Kim Taehyung:

I'm only a fool for you. But I don't fucking care...at all.

The party had ended after the fight between your boyfriend and Taehyung. They both had mercilessly kicked and punched each other as if their lives depended on it. Taehyung couldn't explain the anger that he felt after hearing your boyfriend's disgusting comments about you. This wasn't the kind of disrespect that you deserved and he wanted you to know that. For years, he had tried to keep you away from boys who only wanted you for sex. In his eyes, no one could love you like he did. But this time, he had failed.

You pulled your hair in frustration and walked towards the front door. Everyone had left, including your boyfriend. You were mad and confused because of how the night turned out. The fight took you by surprise because you didn't think there was any bad blood between Taehyung and your boyfriend. Actually, no, you didn't think anyone could have any problems with Taehyung. Firstly, because he didn't really talk to many people and came off as an introvert. And secondly, he was the most loving person in this entire world. But then again, no one knew him as you did. Even though he never told you, you knew just how much he cared about you.

That wasn't the only thing though. Before leaving, your boyfriend had told you to stay away from your best friend. Why? Because he had feelings for you. And for some reason, your heart fluttered. You sighed on seeing Taehyung sitting on the front porch of your house and approached him.

Taehyung noticed you sitting beside him. He was currently debating with himself whether he should let you in on his feelings or not. Because there was definitely a possibility that you would change your mind about your boyfriend.

Maybe you'd leave him to be with Taehyung.

The thought made him giddy but anxious. "Tae, what was that back there?" You asked softly. The light from inside the house illuminated his face a little, making him look even more ethereal than before. "He talked shit about you," Taehyung replied, clenching his jaw on remembering the exact words. You couldn't bring yourself to defend your boyfriend. You believed your best friend. It warmed your heart to think that he protected you, like always.

"If you think I did this for you then stop assuming. I...I.... nevermind I did it for you." Taehyung slumped in defeat. He didn't want you to think he was weak for you but he didn't know what to say without making you upset either. You chuckled and leaned your head on his shoulder as he smiled softly. The cool air made you feel cold and you pouted while rubbing your arms to keep them warm, failing eventually. You grabbed taehyung's arm and placed it around your shoulder. His breath hitched and a blush crept up his cheek. "Tae, I have a ques-" before you could ask him, he answered.

"I like you, Y/N."

You lifted your head from his shoulder and looked at him. His face was so close to yours, you could kiss him. You could kiss him and forget all about your current relationship. You could be happy with someone you've known all your life. You could-

"I have a boyfriend, Tae."

The words were out before you could stop them. You wanted to jump off a cliff on seeing the hurt expression on taehyung's face. You had just broken your best friend's heart. The best friend that you probably liked. Taehyung immediately stood up and started walking towards his car. He couldn't see your face anymore. All this time he was thinking that maybe you'd realize that your boyfriend was a heartless bastard. Maybe you'd realize that someone could love you more. But no, you were still reminding him of why you couldn't be with him. He was a fool to think that you would give him a chance. Your voice called out to him but he didn't turn.

He didn't wanna stand by you anymore.

____________________________________________

Jeon Jungkook:

You've been out all night, I don't know where you've been.

Jungkook threw the phone across the room in anger, wincing internally on thinking about the damage that could have happened. He had tried calling you about 30 times but you hadn't picked up. It worried him a lot since he had absolutely no idea where you had gone even though you did tell him it was a girls' night out. You had never stayed out until 3 before so Jungkook thought there must have been something wrong.

You and Jungkook were housemates, mostly because you both were best friends but also to help with the expenses. College had treated you both well so far. Jungkook was the golden boy while you were just another average girl living her best life. You had to admit that a part of you actually really liked Jungkook but you figured it was wrong so you buried those feelings away. And Jungkook? He had realised the extent of his feelings only after he had seen another notoriously popular playboy hitting on you. It made Jungkook so pissed that he ended up punching Trevor while threatening him to stay away from you.

Because you were the most innocent and beautiful girl he had ever met. Your eyes, the curve of your nose, your plump lips, your soft skin and your long hair. Every single thing about you became a reason for Jungkook to fall harder. The distant but popular hottie of the college was hopelessly in love with his best friend. And she didn't know.

Loud music and cheers of people grabbed jungkook's attention as he rushed to the window in the living room, only to see you walking beside the very playboy who Jungkook had punched, Trevor Marshall. You smiled at him as his friends cheered at him from his car, oblivious to the person waiting for you inside your humble abode.

You flinched as soon as you opened the door to the house. Jungkook stood in front of you with his arms crossed, his eyes glaring at you with sheer intensity. You were about to greet him but then you remembered what Trevor had told you so you returned his glare and shut the door behind you.

"What was Trevor doing here?" Jungkook asked, making you shiver on hearing his voice. You gulped but composed yourself and dropped your coat on the floor after taking it off. Jungkook's eyes raked over your body. A skin tight dress hugged your body and showed off your curves in all the right places. How did he not notice what you wearing before you left the house? Oh right! The coat. "Dropping me off. What else? Oh and by the way, he told me something very interesting." You mocked, brushing past his shoulder and into the living room, not catching his eyes on your hips. Jungkook gritted his teeth and followed you. He was absolutely not worried about you knowing what he did to that stupid asshole. "What did he say?" Jungkook asked, watching as you stood in the middle of the room with your hands on your hips.

"You punched him and told him to stay away from me. What the hell, Jeon? You think you can do whatever you want with my life when you have girls throwing themselves at you?!" You bellowed, your chest rising and falling rapidly with how breathless you felt. At this point, Jungkook was equally mad at you. You were talking as if he wanted that life. "I'm protecting you, Y/N! I know that guy better than you and all he wants is to get in-" Jungkook hated being interrupted and that's exactly what you were doing. This was only riling him up more.

"All this time, I thought something was wrong with me but it was you. You kept everyone away from me. Why, Jungkook? Why?!"

"Because I'm falling for you harder and harder everyday!"

Your breath hitched and silence took over. Jungkook mentally cursed at himself for acting this way. He should've known better than to say this. Judging by your expression, it was clear that you definitely didn't think the same.

Misunderstandings.

These were the very words that you wanted to hear so badly. It made you feel all warm and fuzzy. But all of it went as soon as it came upon hearing your best friend's next words. "But don't worry, Y/N. I'll just take this burden off of you. Go and do whatever the fuck you want. I was stupid to think you'd appreciate this. But now I won't bother you. Don't come crying to me though. Because right from this moment, I don't fucking care what you do with your life." He spat and rushed to his room, slamming the door shut as tears filled in your eyes. Jungkook knew that he was too harsh. He always regretted the things he said when he was angry. How did things go from right to wrong so fast? How did you get confessed to and rejected at the same time? You sat on the couch and ended up crying yourself to sleep, your thoughts consuming you in an endless abyss.

How did love embrace you only to tear you apart?

Well, I kinda messed up some of the members but... can't blame me for trying, right? Anyway, I know my requests are closed but you can absolutely send in song requests too. Give me a song and I'll write what I interpret out of it's lyrics. Alright, goodbye!

-XX

[jiwonsssi]

— differences, pt. 1

Plot: You are a dancer of his team and, as The Fanfiction's Rule prescribe, you find yourself falling in love with Jiwon. You found yourself falling for every little difference he has. You are heplessly gone. Or not?

Characters: Eun Jiwon/'You'

Warnings: swearing.

A/N: Take a note, this is important part of a story: the 'you' person is under 25-26. Someone older wouldn't probably fit entirely, but since you all are here for nsfw part, there it wouldn't matter ahah

- It's not okay to be that late, right? - you hear someone sitting down right next to you, sighing harshly. Oh how you understand that sigh, - It's already been an hour. I fed up with waiting.

- Are you going to be the one who would say that to him? - you laugh, leaning backwards and the guy near you humps something under his nose, shaking his head, - Thought so.

But the thing is, he is absolutely right. You so fed up with waiting. Eun Jiwon is hella late for dance practice and if this would be his first time doing so, it would be doubtly okay. But the fourth one is getting out of hand. Yet what can you do? Complain to his manager? Complain to Jiwon himself? Being late yourselves? Throw rocks at him, in the end? Nothing's gonna work. Because if he's late, he wanted to be late. You see it in his eyes everytime he apologizes.

Eun Jiwon is not sorry at all.

Somehow you even respect him for his honesty. Man needs to have a tremendous amount of bravery, nerves and talent to be that shameless. Must be tiring, after all.

- And, what are you doing on Friday evening? Perhaps you and Sungha might visit my birthday party. No presents, just bring alcohol and something to eat. So what?

You barely know him. For real. It must one of the first times you two even have a somewhat decent conversation? He's new to the team and in general not really a bad guy (who knows though), but there is something you just don't like about him. And his offer. If he's about to invite every one that he sees, it will be a dirty mess. It's not like you are "homegirl" kind of a person, but being stuckes in a small flat with tons of drunk people in the middle of nowhere is not quite your cup of tea.

- We'll come, - your thoughts on how to say "no" in the most polite way possible were interrupted by your boyfriend, who now stands at the other side of you, leaning to the huge mirror and nodding happily.

- Then party it is, - you answer, making it obvious for Sungha that your 'happy' smile isn't happy at all and murmur 'who likes to rest after the long week anyway' under your breath.

- What did you say?

There is no time to answer the question, because your eyes met a long awaited 'main star' who tries to pretend that everything is okay and he wasn't late for an hour, bowing slightly as part of saying hello. Indeed, shameless.

- What? Let's get to work, the sooner we start, the sooner we end, - throwing rocks at him doesn't seem like a bad idea anymore; and judging by people around' expressions, not only for you.

Actually you don't mind waiting. It's not like you need to endure cold weather, rain, snow, thirst or hunger; you just.. relax. You have everything around, you can eat and drink and chat with someone; just do whatever you want. You just love complaining, probably. And you badly afraid to miss your bus, among everything. It's all fun until you will have to go to your home in the middle of the night by your own feet.

The practice goes smoothly, as it should be. The pros of working with someone who has experience and desire to actually make a performance better are undeniable. Somehow you, dancers, yourselves, cause more problems than Eun Jiwon ever did since you started to train together. Might be because he moves as he likes to; he knows every move and you see it clearly, everybody does. Yet he brought something new in the way he works it; only for himself, in his own style. Nobody does it like him and you understood it perfectly through almost two weeks of practicing together.

Apart from being surprisingly (for you) gifted in dancing, he was the same surprisingly humble sunbae. It's not like you worked with a lot, but the amount of men who caught a star with their short lasting fame you have met amazes you every time.

So overall Eun Jiwon was someone who you never imagined to be a person that he is. Quite unusual, actually.

And the most unusual part in all this is that you were particularly staring at him for, well, more than two hours and he was absolutely aware of this fact. It's not like you were ashamed or felt an urge to blush whenever you have been catching an eye contact, it's just.. weird. Everyone will find it weird; even though you didn't really mean anything. He just happened to stay in your focus while you were occupied with thoughts and work. It's not like you need this practice anyway. As many of you, actually.

The only thing you care about now is that you are terribly missing the last bus. Maybe fifteen minutes ago you had a chance, but now when it's clear that you are going to use your feet while going home in the blistering cold after almost three hours of non-stop dancing and knowing that tomorrow you will need to wake up early, your mood is absolutely destroyed. And so when the practice is announced to be over, you try your best to put on the most pure and happy smile without making your shitty mood visible.

- Would you be able to walk me home? I missed my bus and the subway is closed at my station, please, - you can't persuade your boyfriend to do everything, it's obvious. But you know that he lives near by and doesn't really need to do anything tomorrow, so.. why not try? In the sweetest voice you could ever maintain, of course.

He is nice. He really is. You date him for a reason, in the end. He's just.. the feeling is never perfect when it comes to him.

- Uhm, I.. - Sungha touches his neck, avoiding eye contact and you sigh, letting go of his arm softly, - I'm really sorry.

- It's alright, I understand. I also have a lot to do in the morning, ugh, - he hugs you, placing soft kiss on your temple and then look you deadass in the eyes while telling the most stupid bullshit he could have ever said without any sign of shame.

- Nah, I don't actually, I just promised to go with guys to celebrate some shit and it's already late. I promised, I'm sorry, love, - he smiles and you know that he means no bad. He just.. doesn't understand. It's not his or his friends or your fault; he's just like that, no one can change that except him. And you are not here to teach him manners. Especially when you want to break at least his nose.

- Ok, have fun, - you pat on his shoulder, avoiding his lips with a frown and just turn around to leave.

The same shit was popping up for the the last few weeks and those reasons why you fell in love with him; you don't really remember any of them anymore.

You didn't turn around when he called you, just straight up to the door, trying to surpass the crushing sensation in your throat. No way you will cry because of someone who doesn't care; too many honors. It's just a very bad day. Everything at once and all this.. maybe calling an expensive as hell taxi is a great idea, after all. No money can buy you new nerves.

Shoving your belongings to the tote bag, you desperately try to calm yourself down, because God knows, it's the lowest you have ever been in months. Those days when a fall of a pen can cause a mental breakdown; you hate it. Probably everyone does. It just happened to be today. Not a big deal.

There is nothing more than a comfortable ride home and sleep you are dreaming about. Not even impenetrable ignorance of Sungha bothers you. You'll deal with it tomorrow. Now - a car and a bed.

Yet life is not that simple and we are not in a fanfiction. A taxi? In the middle of the night? Huh. Nonsense. The thing is, no one wants to take an order for such a short and therefore not so profitable ride. Nice. And here you are, standing in the middle of the street in a fucking bone breaking cold waiting for at least someone to accept your order. Thanks God you are at least under a roof of YG Ent entrance. Lights and security. If not cold, you would just sleep here. You will need to come tomorrow anyway.

- Hey, why are you still here? - you hear voice of a person with whom you doubtly want to talk. Eun Jiwon. If not his lateness, you might have been in your bed already. But here he is, standing not far away from you, looking around in the weirdest way possible, - Why aren't you going home? It's late.

- I missed my bus. Subway station where I live is closed. Taxi doesn't want me. Enough? - you didn't mean to sound rude. But you are physically can't make up needed politeness right know; not now, please.

- Yeah, - he's nodding, turning around to leave and, to be extremely honest, now it's pretty much impossible to suppress tears. His back when he has moved in the direction of parking is too much. But what can he do? He's, again, not guilty in not meeting your expectations. Thanks for asking, at least.

And you will not cry now. In your bed, alone - maybe; most probably. But here - no way.

You look at the screen of smartphone again to find absolute nothing. By feet then.

- It's not that far anyways, - you sigh, adjusting your bag on a shoulder when you see a car stopping in a distance and.. it's creepy. You are not a panicking type, but now situation smells like shit and if someone would try to pack you in their trunk, most probably, they would succeed. Even with YG's security. Even with cameras. And lightning everywhere. Not a panicking type, yeah.

But while you were occupied with thoughts on how you should attack them, you missed Eun Jiwon standing in front of the car. You notice him when he starts to speak and it's the third time you want to cry today; just the emotions right now are completely different.

- You are stuck here because of me. And I feel bad for sleeping too much, - Jiwon smiles, pursuing his lips a little and somehow you can't be angry with him. He's honest, it's written on his face, - So I want to ask you if it's okay if I drive you home? As an apology.

And now you see some parallels you never wanted to see. Because your beloved boyfriend is somewhere out there chilling with 'guys' and someone, who's not even slightly responsible for you, is here.

He knows what he did wrong; and Jiwon doesn't slip an empty 'sorry' into nowhere. He apologizes while thinking about what he actually did wrong and how to change that. Such a rare trait to witness.

- I don't think that it's..

- If I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't ask, - even in his smile, you see that he's serious about it. It's hard to say 'no' right now. For many reasons.

- Okay then, - it's not like you want to decline a Mercedes ride either, let's be honest. He nods, opening the door for you and muttering small 'thank you', you hop inside, holding your breath for no apparent reason.

It's not like it was your first time sitting in this type of car costs like your approximately two year's allowance, it's just a bit...weird. Yet so extremely comfortable.

Jiwon is quick to seat beside you, driving away quickly. He puts on the heater immediately and you feel your face melting. You might as well fall in love with this car.

- Drop me your address, - you are still pressing your bag to your chest trying to relax when you hear him and you proceed what he means for a moment. What a fucked up day, you feel like a fool all of a sudden and it's not even weird at this point.

- I don't have your number, - now he's feeling himself like a fool and you laugh, glancing at his expression. He manages to look mature and hilarious at the same time. Mocking his fakely irritated 'write it then', you sign his contact as 'Eun Jiwon' and it feels.. interesting.

You send him a location of your home and then watch as he puts it into GPS, clearly not having an idea where is it.

- Does it happen often? - just the moment you manage to relax, Jiwon pushes you out of your wondering of how good it smells without cheap leather odor and disgusting sweet car condition aroma. You think for a minute then nod slowly, because it actually does.

- Not so often, but still, - you steal a glance at him again. It's not like you can stare at anyone with your boyfriend still being your boyfriend, but today is a mess. And Jiwon is certainly a nice sight to look at, - I can go on my own, but I'm tired today. Plus it's hard to grab a taxi from there, plus, - you emphasize it, watching how sights outside the window are a lot more familiar now, - Hella expensive. I don't even know why. They think I shit with money if I am taking a cab from YG? Fucking nonsense.

Jiwon laughs through all your ted talk and it's so contagious, suddenly. You lean on a seat, laughing as well, feeling your cheeks ache a little. Funny how it's light around all of a sudden. Perhaps it's because you feel yourself so distant from all that stress that got into you today? Because Jiwon was able to come and just sort it out without asking. Well, he can't fix Sungha, but the more you think about it, the more you realise that there is nothing to be fixed. Nothing you are able to fix, probably.

So, apparently, Jiwon helped you even there.

- It's not that funny, actually, - you look at him again and you meet his eyes suddenly. You don't even want to say 'watch the road', because for no reasons you are able to trust him with your life and overall you value the fact that he is looking at you more than the fact that you can die. He was holding a gaze for a second and you already imagined imaginations. Sungha, boyfriend, still alive. Stop.

- You were hilarious though, like, - he's silent for a second while he looks for a place to park, - Like Lucy. She also gets furious randomly and sounds exactly like you did.

- You just compared me to your girlfriend? She wouldn't like that, - you laugh because it's really funny. Yet no one was ever sure if he's single or not. You never expected finding out in this circumstances.

- What? No, - he laughs louder, hiding his teeth with his palm and looks at you for a few seconds with those shiny eyes, giggling like a teenager and you can't see a forty years old man in him anymore, - She's my dog.

Did he just boldly compared you to his dog?

Forty years old man, yeah.

You inhale deeply, trying to surpass a laugh and poke a finger at him, silently making your point. Jiwon makes the cutest 'what are you going to do to me, huh?' face, pursing his lips like a five year old boy and.. And you really try your best to keep 'I'll end you' look on your face (Spoiler: you failed). Anyhow, you want to forgive him for this comparison simply because he wasn't sulky about you being totally impolite with him. No fragile masculinity detected.

- This changes everything! - you turn around, opening the door because he literally had just parked and you leave, making sure he understands that you are kidding with this fake offense little perfomance and that he's smiling, when you turned around to wave him before entering the building.

The thing is, when you come home, you are not tired anymore. By any means; if not your mother sleeping peacefully you would probably be loud and hyperactive. And since you need to cosplay a ninja right now, you just lay on your bed, watching the ceiling silently. Perfect ending for a fucked up day.

You hear your phone buzzing and what you didn't expect to see is a message from Jiwon. The day couldn't be any more perfect, but it managed.

You open a short video of little and immensely cute white dog tiny barking at watches that lay on a sofa, buzzing. You even replay it, to seek for the point when he sends another text.

'she got angry with them because they were making sounds'

- Guess it shouldn't have any meaning, right? - you tap a replay with short but excited: 'she's cute!!' and feel your throat clenching suddenly at his instant reply.

'that's why I told that you are just like her'

You are not going to say that you feel like a teenager from some manga slowly falling in love with the main character but that's exactly how you feel.

After adjusting your breathing to normal again, you choose to ignore that (to not to show how fucking excited his subtle complement made you) and text him how thankful you are for his ride and wish him and his furiously cute Lucy a good night. And after some other preparations, you, again, choosing to ignore your actual boyfriend who's trying to call and text you for a good hour already.

You will need to work with him for a month. It's not going to end well.

[writingquotesstories10]

and I can't do this;. I can't keep comparing myself to others. I can't keep hurting myself. I can't keep up with my goals. I can't help but thinking that I'll never get to where I want in my life.

I can't help thinking that my goals are completely impossible because god damn there's no way I could possibly do that. There's no fucking way I hold myself together when all the pieces are falling apart.

And i can feel each puzzle piece falling through the cracks. each love disappearing. i feel numb and sad and i don't know where my pain begins and where it ends.

I can't tell whether I'm making the right decisions, but all i want is to disappear off the face of the earth for a while. i just want to be alone.

i can't help but feel as if i'm disappointing everyone around me and myself. god i thought i was getting better but apparently that's not even close.

and you know, rubbing salt in the wound isn't all that bad because at least i'm coming to terms with my hopelessness, worthlessness and all other possible options.

i'm trying. but it never is enough, it never is, it never was.

there's always someone else, i work so fucking hard. i do my fucking best. i've done everything right and yet i still fall fucking short.

and to fucking him. that fucking asshole who always thought he was better than me. the bastard who thought that it was perfectly fine to trip me when i was doing alright for no reason. the fucking idiot who hurt me and i will never forget what he did. a year later. i still can't forget how that imbecile broke my fucking heart. i do hate him.

i'm so fucking sick of being the better person. i'm so fucking sick of it. be nice to others, be kind, be a good person. oh, is that what i should do? why are you telling me that and not the others? why am i the one who has to change and always think about other people's feelings when they never think about mine.

i want to live alone. i don't want to talk to people anymore. in my dreams, in an ideal world, i'd be able to hide somewhere in a new city where no one knows me. i'd just be another person, someone you'd see on the street and forget in a couple seconds.

i just want everyone to leave me alone. i just want a fucking break because it;s been so hard being me for the past couple years. i just want a fucking break.

i want to be a coward. i just want a bit of peace. i just want to turn my phone off and not talk to anyone for the rest of my life. i just want to disappear and for people to fucking leave me alone and stop hurting me.

maybe i should just stop.

because tears are falling on my cheeks once again and i fucking know, i fucking know they don't matter. i know that they're useless because i can't change anything.

i just want to be cold for a while. i want everyone to just stop pretending they care. because they don't. everyone cares about themselves.

why am i always the one who says something wrong? the one who tries their best but people still find a kink in my armor. and why can't i just be normal? why can't i just stop worrying if i said something wrong? if i did something wrong?

why can't i just stop? i just want to stop. i just want to disappear. i just want to stop hurting myself and the people around me. and the easiest way to stop hurting people is to just get up and leave.

and why do i want that so much? i keep trying to be the best person i can be, but damn i just want to stop. i want to stop trying. i just want to be who i am. i don;t want to be in a continuous state of false progress where i'm making myself more acceptable for others.

i'm always the one who does something wrong and i keep trying to be better. but the times i ask people to stop doing something they're ignorant.

i'm too tired.

i can't do this anymore.

[witheringvoice]

Lies But Truths - A Poem + Explanation to the poem ofc

TW: Depression shit probably, also brief mentions of eating struggles before poem starts

I did it again, I got in my fucking head because my mom doesn't understand my struggle with eating and makes me feel like it's invalid...So I forced myself to eat even though it was less than an hour of relief from eating for the first time today and it was barely anything but ughhh I feel like shit. Fuck human needs, pain in my ass. I didn't need to eat, but- god.

//

I'm really sad today but I don't know why.

I was so off today that I worried a friend of mine.

Was it the letters?

I don't know but I can't fix my mind.

I'm just sad, fuzzy, and lost.

I feel like I'm missing something.

I want to cry.

I want to talk to someone.

I want to laugh and have chaotic conversations.

I want to play games with them.

But I can't.

That makes me feel worse.

It pisses me off so fucking much.

How do I be okay?

Sleep didn't help, it turned me melancholy.

But I'm still way too tired.

Maybe writing will boost my mood.

Or reading.

Or watching Criminal Minds.

At night that seems like a horrible idea.

But I'ma do it.

:)

I need to stop pretending I'm okay.

// TW: Thoughts of suicide, mentions of depression shit, and just self-deprecating shit ya know? pog stuff like that

This poem was different, as you can tell. Didn't end the same way, and I even wrote it differently, on paper, not...How they're written on Tumblr. I write most of my poems in stanzas, not just line after line, this poem was written line after line. It just feels...Different Anyway, I wanted to try to explain the letters. Okay this year, I've written letters a total of three times.

The first time I got sick was the day after my birthday and it lasted like two weeks, I spiraled into a big depressive episode, and at first, the letters were my suicide notes to anyone I could think of. I ended up just writing them as thank yous and emailing them out to people. It made me feel better.

(There was a time in between this, and during the first time, that I wanted to write a bunch of thank yous to content creators and influencers and shit...I didn't end up doing it, though I did send a really long message to a content creator I liked on Twitter because when I'm depressed, sometimes I get impulsive, my depression impulsiveness is way worse than my normal impulsiveness which isn't usually that bad, just me wishing I could do late night drives, wanting to go on a walk in the middle of the night in a terrible neighborhood, wanting to drink a shit ton of energy drinks but not having the money, wanting to scream randomly but knowing that would scare the shit out of someone so I don't, etc. So, yeah. I still regret that. Anyone know how to delete twitter messages??? Please? Anyone? Please? I don't even want the most unlikely impossible chance of my depressive episodes being seen by a random influencer lol. Okay not random, Dream has been my comfo- Anyway moving on...)

The second time was right after MCC 21, I was watching Dream's POV and he raided Sapnap and I watched him win. It made me reallyyyy happy honestly. I just got the random rush and excitement and I drew for the first time in a while, LIKE FULLY TRIED, and I just. Man...I was so happy. So in my impulsiveness (during another depressive episode mind you, lol), I started my "envelope project" which still isn't complete, and I'm disappointed in my procrastination because...I was gonna write one to Techno but...Yeah, anyway...I started choosing content creators, as many as I could think of, and planning on writing a poem, a letter, and drawing one or two small things for them. Obviously, not planning on doing anything with them or anything, they're fucking impulsive and I don't know how to send them (sent Eret her's since she has a PO box but that's it lol), and so...Yeah that was the second time.

I'm pretty sure this poem was talking about the third time. I was feeling like shit, going through another impulsive episode, and I just wanted to thank people, for all they've done for me that year. So I did. I wrote one to Alex and that's how the indirect confession thing sorta happened lol, never talked to me about it but yeah. And uhm, yeah that's basically it.

When my depressive episodes turn impulsive, I basically just want to voice how much people mean to me or how much they've helped me, and so...That happened. And um...I hate that I do that. Honestly, how many of the content creator ones have I finished? I'm honestly curious lol (literally because I can't write one to every content creator out there, the last one is supposed to be to every content creator ever...yeah idk, because yes).

Let's see...I know Ranboo's is next but I just haven't had the ability too. I also put them in a random order so I have no idea when I wrote Eret's but yeah, remember I did Erets too anyway-

Completed ones are (order in first completed to most recent completion): Sapnap (obviously), Dream, Tubbo, Wilbur, Quackity (did his after Discord's Got Talent I believe), and Tommy's. (Eret too, remember that lol)

I haven't completed a lot, there's still a good few I want to write. I've been thinking about maybe making a video where I unveil the contents inside them, since I can't really do much and I do want to be a small-time creator someday. I've also thought about just simply burning them so no one can truly ever find out what's inside them. Apart from Eret if she saw her's lol...But yeah. That's- that's the explanation Ig

(also was planning on doing more than just members of the dsmp community and those surrounding it...just...lack of motivation darlings <3)

[why-fucking-bother-anymore]

I don't want to keep going on like this anymore. I'm so fucking tired of my brain. My insecurities, apathy, and fear taking over and winning every single fucking day without fail. I'm so fucking tired of lying to myself and going through the motions and pretending my life is okay or that I'll even actually have the guts to change anything for the better. I'm confused about my relationship. I don't want this life. I don't want to be tied down at 23. But I'm too afraid of the alternative. I'm too dependent on others while feeling like a constant burden and simultaneously refusing the help I need. He's not enough for me. This relationship is not enough. It's not fulfilling. I don't want to be tied down to this man. And I'm too much of a little bitch to do or say anything about it. As time goes on it gets ever more impossible to do anything. It's not even like it's all bad. I love him, for what it's worth. But is that enough? Am I even IN love with him anymore? I'm pretty sure I used to be? Maybe even still am, sometimes. I don't know how much of this rant is due to an untreated mental illness and how much of that mental illness is or isn't me. I'm in such a state of unrest all the time. I don't want this anymore. I don't want to think. I don't want to be alive. In tired of living with my piece of shit alcolic drunken mess of a mother who needs to go to therapy and instead just keeps chipping away at my sanity and will to live with every interaction I have with her. There's a blockade in my brain keeping me sane and it's getting worn down. I want to give up. Completely.

[yurtletheturtlehenderson]

COSMIC - S1:E4; Chapter Four, The Body - [Pt. 3]

A Will Byers x Gender Neutral!Reader Series

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘺 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘌𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘠/𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘭𝘺 𝘰𝘥𝘥 𝘴𝘺𝘮𝘱𝘵𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧.

WARNINGS: Cursing. Homophobic comments from Tr*y [his in script use of the fa*ry word once]. Reader fucking SNAPS.

||𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑'𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐕||

The five of us rode our bikes down the road to school, El on the back of Mike's bike as usual. She seemed eager to soak in everything around her like she would never see it again. Wind brushed the wig aside and she clung tightly to Mike.

Mike was beginning to slow down, the group of us all growing tired from the ride. Soon enough, however, we were walking through the back doors to the schools. Mike was in the lead as he turns to speak to us as we walked.

"Okay, remember, if anyone sees us, look sad."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

'He is still missing, isn't he?'

My thoughts were interrupted by the crackling of the speaker.

"Attention students, there will be an assembly to honor Will Byers in the gymnasium now. Do not go to fourth period."

I looked to the ceiling at the mention of my best friend and by the time I looked ahead, we had made it outside the AV room. Mike was attempting to open the door but it must be locked.

"It's locked." Mike confirmed.

"What?" Lucas asked.

"Hey, El, is there any way for you to open it?" I ask.

Before she could respond, we all jumped at the voice of Mr. Clarke and froze.

"Children," He nodded.

"Hey." Lucas breathed, obviously startled.

"Assembly's about to start."

"We know. We're just, you know..." Mike works a solemn look on his face as he spoke and the others seemed to join in, including me although it wasn't that difficult.

"Upset." Lucas nodded, dropping his nervous smile.

"Yeah, definitely upset," Dustin muttered.

I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better to say nothing at all and even looked down to the ground. Channeling all my emotions from just hours before.

"We need some alone time."

"To... cry." Dustin hesitated.

"Yeah, listen... I get it. I do. I know how hard this is, but let's just be there for Will, huh? And then," Mr. Clarke reached into his pocket and pulled out a key.

He tossed the key to Mike who caught it upon instinct.

"the Heathkit is all yours for the rest of the day. What do you say?"

We all looked to each other, wearing subtle triumphant smirks. It couldn't have been that easy, could it?

Mr. Clarke seemed to finally notice that he had no idea who El was.

"I don't believe we've met. What's your name?"

El seemed shocked and began to say 'Eleven' when Mike panicked and cut in.

"Eleanor! She's my, uh-"

"Cousin!" Lucas jumped in.

"Second cousin," Dustin added.

I started to laugh but caught myself just in time to play it off as a cough. I pretended to clear my throat as I looked to Mr. Clarke who was looking a bit confused.

"She's here for Will's funeral." Mike sighed.

Mr. Clarke seemed content with this answer as he shrugged and turned to her.

"Ah, well, welcome to Hawkins Middle, Eleanor. I wish you were here under better circumstances."

She looked to us and Mike, then turned to Mr. Clarke nodding her head. "Thank you."

A small smile fought its way into my face. She was doing great.

"Uh, where are you from exactly?"

El shook her head, sighing exasperatedly. "Bad place-"

"Sweden!" Dustin cuts in.

"I have a lot of Swedish family."

"She hates it there."

"Cold!"

"Subzero."

Meanwhile, I had fought back another laugh at the whole exchange and I had to play it off as a cough yet again.

"Are you alright, there, Y/n?"

My head snapped up, but luckily I was fairly quick on my feet this time.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I woke up with a fever, haven't been feeling well all morning. But I insisted on coming. For Will." Mr. Clarke seemed satisfied with my answer and dismissed our odd behavior.

"Shall we?"

"Yep!" We all follow Mr. Clarke to the gymnasium in silence.

As we get closer, I can hear the principal speaking from inside.

"At times like these, it is important that we come together as a community. We come-"

Dustin swung open the gymnasium doors far too hard and the loud bang echoed throughout the gym that had drawn the attention of the crowd. I elbow Dustin. I feel him shifting on his feet beside me as panic sets in.

"Abort." He whispers, turning to leave.

Thankfully, Lucas stops him and shoved him forward.

"We come together to heal... we come together to grieve..."

As the principle continues his speech, the five of us wander into the bleachers to find a seat.

⊹ ⊹ ⊹

"Will Byers' death is an unimaginable tragedy. Will was an exceptional student and a wonderful friend to all of us. It's impossible to express the hole his loss will leave in our community. I'd like to introduce you to Sandy Sloane. She's a local grief counselor from the church over in Jonesboro."

While the principal carried on, the five of us all looked to each other, all sharing the same thought.

'We need to get to that radio. And soon.'

"I just want those of you who are having trouble dealing with this tragic loss..."

"Look at these fakers." I heard Mike whisper.

"They probably didn't even know his name till today." Lucas scoffed.

My head whipped to the side when I heard hushed chuckling. I wasn't surprised to see Troy and his friend as the source of the laughter. I glared daggers into them and my hands gripped the edge of my seat until I was sure my knuckles would tear.

The boys and El seemed quick to follow my gaze because soon enough, we were all leaning over glaring at them.

"Who is interested in this? This is so stupid." He laughed.

I grit my teeth as my vision filled with red.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah..."

"Y/n..." Lucas warned, reaching out for my arm. I wasn't paying attention, but for some reason, I felt his hand leave my arm almost as soon as he grabbed it.

"'Oh, he was such a great student. Oh, he's going to leave a hole in the community.'" Troy mocked, beginning to fake sob.

I began to shake with rage, wanting nothing more than to stand up and scream 'fu-'

"Y/n,"

"What?!" I hissed at Lucas, my head whipping around to face him, my jaw clenched.

I saw fear in his eyes as he glanced between my eye line and my hands. I looked down at my own hands to see the dangerously strong grip on the wood. I yanked my hands off the bench and rubbed my hands together, keeping to myself.

I was shocked to see the faintest imprint of the most vaguely shaped hand on the bench. It was hardly noticeable and I had to do a double take.

'What the hell?'

El was leaning over and she met my gaze. She briefly looked at my hands, seeming to dismiss whatever thoughts she had. Then looked to Troy.

"Mouth breather." She whispered.

I let out a strained chuckle and nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, mouth breather." I whispered, looking back and Troy.

Eventually, the bell rang, dismissing the assembly. Even though Lucas and Dustin seemed to have let it go, Mike and I were not finished.

"Hey! Hey! Hey Troy." Mike called.

I could tell he could hear us because he barely slowed down but was clearly laughing. I stomped towards him and called him out, loud and clear.

"Hey, jackass!"

He stopped in his tracks and turned around. He seemed like he wanted to be mad, but almost like he was happy he got a rise out of us.

"You think that shit was funny?" My voice never wavered and the boys and El seemed just as shocked as I was feeling at my newfound courage.

"What'd you say, orphan?" He asked, dumbfounded.

He only called me that when he was really pissed at me.

"You heard me! And how many times do I have to tell you, I'm not an orphan if I was adopted, you dumbass! Now what the hell is in that tiny brain of yours that would compel you to laugh at someone dying, huh? I mean, shit, you must really be sick in the head. I feel sorry for you." I spit out my last few words, my voice dripping with malice.

By now I was in his face, finally letting out all the pent-up aggression I've harbored for years. And it felt good.

"Get the hell outta my face, freak!" He yells shoving me back.

I get ready to strike but Dustin grabs my arm before my fist can collide with Troy's face. I struggle to get free but my brother was determined to hold me back, with the help of Lucas of course.

"Control your 'sibling', Toothless. Or he just might lose a few teeth of his own." He glares at me and I still attempt to break free.

Mike seems to have found his voice as all of this happened because he was the next to speak.

"H-Hey, they're right! Laughing like that? That's a pretty messed up thing to do."

Troy, glares at us as his minion speaks.

"Didn't you listen to the counselor, freaks? Grief shows itself in funny ways."

"You little shit-" I attempt once more to get a right hook in but Lucas stops me.

Troy laughs at me struggling.

"Besides, what's there to be sad about, anyway? Will's in fairyland now, right? Flying around with all the other little fairies. All happy and gay!"

Lucas loosened his grip on me, silently letting me go as Troy began dancing around, mocking Will.

I swung my fist and I felt it collide with his nose with a satisfying crunch. He stumbled back and grasped his nose in surprise, and he pulled his hand away to find a few drops of blood. The crowd that had gathered while all of this unfolded, gasped in surprise. I even earned some scattered cheers among the students.

I seemed to realize the consequences of my actions, but I was prepared to face them. It was worth it. I watched as he stormed towards me, blinded by fury.

"You're dead, freak!" He stomped towards me at a shocking speed and I stumbled back, bracing myself for the inevitable retaliation but it never came.

All I felt was a sudden pair of hands on my right arm, harshly pushing me out of the way. I looked in time to see it was Mike who pushed me out of the way. I gawked in confusion at what happened next.

Troy had just begun to raise his arm as he was only inches from Mike when he froze.

He completely froze in place.

He seemed just as confused, if not more than anyone. That confusion quickly bubbled into fear as his eyes scanned the room as much as he could without moving his head.

It finally dawned on me and I spared a quick glance at El, who was laser-focused on Troy, head tilted down and the smallest hint of blood dripping from her nose. I smirked and looked back to Troy, a smug smile on my face.

I couldn't hold back the laughter as I saw his pants begin to dampen with urine. A stream of it began pooling at his leg, and it even soaked into his socks and shoes. Other students caught on quickly and one boy in particular, began laughing.

"Dude, Troy peed himself!"

The circle of kids erupted into laughter as Troy stood frozen in a puddle of his own pee. I turned to El, who wore a devilish smirk on her face as she glanced between Mike and me. She quickly wiped her nose and started walking away. The boys and I enjoyed this brief moment of bliss.

"Hey! What is going on here?" The principle shouted.

"Come on!" I whisper, gesturing for the boys who all had the same idea. Before people could start asking questions we grouped together and made our way to the AV room unnoticed.