#get your own fuckin life im just trying to figure out this one

[handsoffthefuckinshield]

I don't know if all introjects feel like this, but I certainly do. I feel like I have to walk a really specific and fine line. like I'm always under a microscope lens and I need to seem human but not too human. like I need to be like my source but not too much. I feel like I have to hold myself back from posting a lot of what I wanna post. and it fuckin sucks. and I'm slowly learning to get over it. but it's there and it seems like introjects (especially fictives) are held to a weird standard

[thekinkyleopard]

A Rough Night

A Sven & Elex Snz Drabble

⚠️Content Warning⚠️

Allergens, Snz, Violence, Cursing

Description: The boys try to escape the stress by heading out to the bar. Yet, it doesn’t go well when a nearby patron triggers the badger’s sensitive allergies!

Author’s Notes: Oh….Hey guys 😅 I’ve had this one sitting for about a month and haven’t had the will to write because well….my life has been insane while going through this divorce, moving, meeting someone new and trying to figure my shit out. 😭 Found myself with the slight will to live tonight, so I finished this idea up! Theres no smut, I KNOW IM SORRY….but I had a lot of fun writing this out. Hope you all enjoy and I’m sorry I’m constantly coming and going. Been a rough year. I love yall who still interact and wait patiently for my next release. You real ones 🥺💚 @aller-geez Owns Sven and did the cover art!

Elex and Sven pushed open the heavy wooden doors, the sounds of raucous laughter and clinking glasses assaulted their ears. The dimly lit bar was filled with a thick haze of smoke, making it difficult to see through the throngs of people milling about. Elex, with his dull green hair, felt like an alien in this dingy establishment. He wrinkled his nose at the overwhelming stench of stale beer and sweat that hung heavily in the air. "Ugh, this place fuckin’ stinks," he grumbled, his mismatched eyes scanning the crowd, disgusted at the faces that lingered upon them. His annoyance at having to be there was palpable while they stood just inside the entrance.

“Don’t be such a sour puss, Els, I need this night out, and I need a couple drinks to unwind, we’ve been cooped up in the house for WEEKS,” the Cheshire pouted, sticking his tongue out playfully at his somewhat grumpy boyfriend. In response, Elex rolled his eyes in a mixture of annoyance and resignation.

“We’re here aren’t we? Stop your bitchin’ lets go get drunk,” reaching out to grip his boyfriend by the wrist, knowing the hand would be too intimate in such a public setting. Sven was used to this behavior by now and didn’t care, so long as he got to do what they came there to do. Get ripped, yap, maybe snack on some peanuts, and go back home. An adult version of touching some grass. They each walked up to the bar and slid into the empty barstools provided, next to an older gentleman on one side, and a younger on the other. Elex scowled unpleasantly from a side view glance as he slipped into his seat. “Whiskey on the rocks,” the badger ordered off his drink of choice for the night. “Same thing,” Sven chirped with a quick raise of his index before swinging his body slightly over to face more in the other’s direction. “So, tomorrow, I’m thinking about upgrading our internet services, shit is too fuckin’ slow to achieve the game play and stream from what we have currently…it’s fuckin’ up my views,” he pushed back a few strands of stray teal hair that dangled just above his orange gaze. As the bartender slid them their drinks, Elex nodded toward the man before returning his attention to 7. “Yeah okay, well how much extra is that gonna run us do you know? We have some wiggle room but not if the bill goes from $50 to $200….I don’t know….” feeling rather skeptical of all the ways Sven’s streaming has sort of cost them between his personal build, games, internet, and other equipment. He was glad his boyfriend had something he enjoyed doing, and was even able to make a good profit off it, but it felt like everyday he was buying some high tech keyboard, or upping their bills which made it feel like they weren’t really progressing financially. It was starting to stress the badger out, he hadn’t been getting any marks lately since the police were on high alert. Some seasons were just better than others so he had been relying on selling copper, but he was running low on spots to harvest from. It was a miracle they were even making ends meet.

Sven lifted the glass to his lips, taking a slow, deliberate sip of his alcoholic beverage. His body language exuded nonchalance, as if their conversation was about something insignificant and unimportant, he shrugged. Elex could see the indifference in Sven's eyes and it only fueled his own anger. He could feel the heat rising in his chest as he tried to keep his emotions in check. The clinking of ice cubes echoed in the background, a stark contrast to the tension between the two men. “Just a shrug? Seriously? Sven you know we’ve been relying on MY shit to keep us afloat, your fuckin’ video games aren’t paying bills,” his voice cut through like a sharp knife through the chest. “They’re not? Then how did we get $200 worth of groceries yesterday?” With an intense narrowing of his vibrant orange eyes, he directed a heated glare towards his boyfriend. The thoughtless disregard for his feelings left him stunned and incredulous. He internally scoffed, his ‘fucking video games’….as if streaming wasn’t a real line of work. “You’re about to really piss me off….Yes that is useful but our MORTGAGE, and the PG&E, and you know, CAR payments….shit is adding up and every fuckin’ week there’s something new added to the list of your god damn bullshit…I support you wanting to chase a passion but not when it’s effecting the life we have worked so hard to build,” Elex quickly downed the remainder of his drink, wishing for a slight buzz to ease the hopelessness he felt in this conversation.

“Look, I get it, but it fuckin’ takes money to make it so, MAYBE, get off my ass a little bit…can we talk about this later? When we ARENT trying to just enjoy the evening?” With an exasperated shake of his head and a dismissive roll of his eyes, Sven reached out for his glass, the ice cubes clinking against the sides as he lifted it to his lips. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Els knocked on the wooden bar with his knuckles, signaling to the busy bartender for another drink. The sound of glasses clinking and people talking filled the air of the crowded bar, but Elex was lost in his own thoughts as he waited for his order to be fulfilled. Finally, the bartender caught his signal and obliged, sliding a fresh glass towards him with practiced ease.

“Fine but you’re not go-…n..H’…Hih…” he struggled suddenly, noticeably, his mouth started to jar open and it hit him unexpectedly. The older man next to him, had taken off his jacket, wafting a gust of fragrant air directly within Elex’s personal space. “Son of a -…H’UhtTSCHhiew! h’Ushh’iew! etUSCHOOOO!” a sudden series of sneezes escaped his body, his eyes watering, nose and throat suddenly itchier than they’d been in a long time. Was that Gain? Tide pods? He didn’t know, all he knew was the asshole beside him was sending him into a full tizzy. He sniffled gently trying to hide the fact he was slowly turning into a leaking mess, grabbing a bar napkin to wipe his nose carefully. “Shit, you good Els?” Sven reached out to comfort his boyfriend, a flattened palm against his back. The heated urgency of their conversation suddenly melting away when he realized the storm had hit his lover. “Y-Yeah I’m F-…hh’IEXsHHH! H’UMFShhhhiew! h’USSHH!!” it came out full force, he did what he could to capture them within the confines of the napkin he clutched within his palm. Just great, just what he needed on a night out to relax, typical. “Bless you, El…” Sven getting slightly worried they may actually have to just head back home, maybe pick up some drinks from the gas station instead, despite how badly Sven needed a change of pace. “We can head home if you wa-….” “No, we’re nod leabing….SndFff,” he snuffled loudly, trying to snort up any of the excessive leakage that threatened to pour down his face. This was the absolute worst. Curse him and his rat ass allergies. He hucked and hacked, his mouth jarring open and closed as he fought against the allergens making a nest within his sinuses. The bartender slid them their second drinks, taking longer as the bar filled up with more and more patrons. A few people turning to glance with an aura of judgement, but the badger glared daggers and they quickly turned away. “Nosey fuckin-….Hh’uhSSCCHHHHwww! ehh’TSHIEW! hh’IEXSH!!” this time the green haired man blew within the crook of his arm, wetting the spot of skin there with a plume of saliva. “Gross….” he groaned weakly, irritated he didn’t have a whole lot of room to release. “Babe seriously we can just….” suddenly cut off by a lifted brown speckled palm. “Stop, jusd dring your fuggin shid, SNDfF,” He let out a loud, wet snort and reached for the small package of tissues inside the pocket of his jeans. His nose was red and moist from the constant blows as he battled with the scent that still lingered around him. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his congested sinuses but only felt the sharp sting of pain in his nostrils.

“Hey, guy, can you fuckin’ not? You’re grossing us all out,” A random person from across the way chimed in with a snarky remark. The badger slowly turned his head, almost like something out of a horror movie, and locked eyes with the person before responding without hesitation.

“Cope, fugg fade,” retorting so quickly it took the man almost by surprise, blinking a few times to make sure he had heard the badger correctly. “What was that, bro?” he challenged, finishing his beer and slamming the empty glass bottle down on the wooden bar. Elex scoffed, sniffling a bit to try and prepare himself for another response. “Cope. Fugg. Fade.” he said it slowly, emphasizing each word though sounding less intimidating with a stuffed up nose. It didn’t stop him as he stared the patron down with watery daggers. The whites of his eyes had already started to redden.

The tension in the bar thickened as the confrontation escalated. Elex could feel a wave of exhaustion wash over him, fatigue setting into his bones from both the argument with Sven and the relentless assault on his senses brought on by his sudden allergies. He longed for nothing more than to escape this suffocating atmosphere, to retreat to the familiarity of his own space where he could gather his thoughts in peace.

Sven, sensing the volatile energy crackling around them, placed a steadying hand on Elex's shoulder. Despite their disagreement, he knew that Elex needed support now more than ever. “Let’s get out of here,” Sven spoke softly, his voice cutting through the ambient noise of the bar.

With a swift motion, the badger slid his shoulder out from under the cat’s palm, Sven’s arm falling back down to his side. ‘Shit…’ The Cheshire cursed from within. The bomb had been set off and it was only a matter of time before his boyfriend started swinging.

“Oh, so we’re going to have a problem then?” the man stood up straighter, walking over and standing within a few inches of the green haired ticking time bomb. Elex snickered with a cocky resolve, standing up himself and meeting the other man eye to eye.

“Loogs, do me, you’re the only one with the problem here, fugg nugged,” his lips pulled up to reveal a strikingly white pair of sharpened teeth that complemented the long fangs that always stuck out past his lips. “Wanna dance?” it actually felt relieving to take a stand at this point, giving him a bit of, slightly fresher air to escape the scent of the old man’s detergent that lingered on his clothing.

In that charged moment, the bar seemed to hold its breath, everyone's attention drawn to the brewing confrontation between Elex and the stranger. The man's eyes flashed with anger as he clenched his fists, ready to take things to the next level. However, just before anyone could throw a hit, the badger’s sinuses betrayed him into another set of expressive blows. “Ehh’tshhhhiew!!" h’USHh’iEW!” without time to cover himself, the badger openly, and almost proudly, sneezed a cloud of spittle and spray across the other man’s face.

“What the FUCK!?” the guy exclaimed with rage, getting ready to charge up his fist and bring it across the space to Elex’s jaw, but missed as the badger took a quick side step to avoid him. All the while blotting, and dabbing at his insanely runny nose that threatened to drip down his lips and chin. Elex chuckled, wiping his face clean with the last tissue in his package.

“Oh goody, my turn,” he smirked as he tossed the crumpled tissue aside and lunged forward with surprising agility, socking the man square in the nose a loud crack echoing the space between them all. The bar erupted into chaos as the two men grappled, fists flying and bodies colliding in a whirlwind of aggression. Sven watched in shock, torn between wanting to intervene and knowing that Elex needed to work through his frustrations on his own terms.

Amidst the chaos, a burly bouncer seemed to materialize, his massive form cutting through the crowd like a battleship in a stormy sea. With a swift motion, he hoisted both Elex and the stranger apart, their struggles becoming feeble against the bouncer's iron grip.

"Alright, that's enough out of both of you!" the bouncer boomed, his voice commanding attention from every corner of the bar. Elex panted, his chest heaving as he shot a defiant glare at the man who had provoked him.

Sven rushed forward, placing himself between Elex and the stranger. "Sven...get the fuck out of the way," the man growled, his voice thick with anger as he tried to maneuver around Sven to get to the bleeding patron. But the bouncer held him back with a firm grip, his massive arms like steel beams that refused to budge.

"Elex, enough!" Sven's voice was urgent, pleading as he turned to the badger. "Let's go. Now." having to be the only voice of reason to which the heated badger would obey. Sliding two twenties onto the bar before working to rush his heated lover out of the bar.

Elex stood there, breathing heavily as he eyed the stranger who was still struggling against the bouncer's hold. For a moment, it seemed like he was going to make another move, but then he relented with a frustrated huff.

"Fine," Elex finally replied, brushing past Sven and making his way towards the exit of the bar. Sven followed closely behind, shooting a quick apologetic glance at the stranger before hurrying after his boyfriend.

As they stepped out into the cool night air, Elex took a deep breath and leaned against the brick wall of the establishment, the icy night air hitting his weakened lungs he started to realize just how bad of shape he was in from the allergy attack, now that the adrenaline was wavering. He gasped as he worked to regulate himself.

Sven stood beside him, his gaze filled with concern as he watched Elex's labored breathing. Without a word, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small inhaler, offering it to the badger.

"Here, use this," Sven spoke softly, his voice laced with worry. Elex hesitated for a moment before taking the inhaler and pressing it to his lips, inhaling deeply as the soothing medication traveled through his lungs. The tightness in his chest began to ease, and he felt a wave of relief wash over him.

"Thanks," Elex murmured, handing the inhaler back to Sven. The cat nodded, tucking it back into his pocket before turning his attention back to the badger.

"Are you okay?" Sven asked, his eyes searching Elex's for any sign of distress. The green haired man gave him a small nod, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

"Yeah, I'm okay…feel actually a whole lot better now that I’m not suffocating under the scent of that guy’s clothes…snDfff…” he sniffled roughly, trying to break through the stuffed bridge of his nose. Despite the scuffle, the badger barely walked out with a scratch, but the same couldn’t be said for the other man.

“What am I going to do with you? Seriously, you’re lucky if he doesn’t charge you with assault! Dumbass!” scolding his boyfriend for the way he had unleashed his pent up rage upon the stranger.

“Hey, he swung first,” shrugging his shoulders before pulling a pack of cigarettes out from his pocket. Sven sighed in exasperation, watching as Elex flicked a cigarette out of the pack and lit it up with a practiced hand. He knew it was pointless to argue with the stubborn badger when he was in this mood, so he simply stood there in silence, the cool night air weaving around them like a comforting blanket.

As Elex took a drag from his cigarette, he exhaled a cloud of smoke that mingled with the night, disappearing into the darkness above. The tension that had gripped him earlier seemed to dissipate with each puff, the adrenaline from the fight slowly ebbing away.

After a moment of quiet contemplation, Sven finally spoke. "We should probably get out of here before the bouncer comes out and starts asking for names," he suggested, his voice calm but firm. Elex glanced over at him, taking in the concern etched on his features.

"Yeah, you're right," Elex replied, crushing the stub of his cigarette under his boot. With a final release of smoke from between his lips he lazily slung an arm around the cat’s waist. Unusual for the badger to display such affections, the cat narrowed his eyebrows and looked his lover up and down.

“You good?” The Cheshire asked cautiously, but leaning into the intimacy.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Elex responded with a soft smile, his usual tough exterior cracking to reveal a vulnerable side that only Sven seemed to elicit. The cat returned the smile, his worries easing as he felt the warmth of Elex’s touch against his side.

Together, they walked into the night, the street lamps casting a soft glow over their figures as they navigated the emptying streets. The events of the evening lingered in the air between them, but there was also an unspoken understanding that they would face whatever came their way together. Even if it meant being broke for a while to make sure Sven could set up his dream. Suddenly, those problems seemed less worrying after Elex was able to let off some steam.

As they turned a corner and disappeared into the shadows of the night, a sense of calm settled over them. In that moment, all that mattered was each other, their bond unbreakable in the face of any asshole that tried to ruin their good night. There was still time to turn things around.

And so, with the badger’s arm secured around his taller counterpart, Elex and Sven ventured into the unknown night, ready to face the rest of their evening in the comfort of their own home, albeit, with a quick stop at the liquor store for snacks and whiskey.

The End

Author’s Notes: I know I know, it’s short and sexless, but wasn’t that fun? 😍 I love angry Elex, being mean and beating people up while suffering from allergies. 🤧 I enjoyed it, I hope you did too!

[nightghoul381]

*KICKS DOWN THE DOOR TO YOUR ASK BOX*

HI ITS ME IM THE PROBLEM ITS ME

okay okay okay so SO SO FLUFFY SILVIO IDEAS i have a lot it was very hard to select one so i kinda combined a few ideas into a general THIS KINDA THING

UHM BUT BUT

how about something suuuuper soft with some dancing and cuddles and and and just something so sweet and fluffy like a big ball of candy floss... maybe mc gets a lil drunk so she's freer with her feelings and gets VERY SOFT AND SAPPY ON HIM

ahhhhhhhh (/▽＼*)｡o○♡

ahh i feel like a hyper lil puppy GJOEGOHREGHJO heehehehheehheheeheheheh

Here you go love! Fluffy Silvio just for you 😊😊😊 I hope you like it!!

Silvio POV x Reader Fluff WC~ 1k

Ahh, damn it. I knew I shoulda been keeping a closer eye on you. I swear I leave you alone for one second and you’re so drunk I can hear your laugh from across the room.

Sweeping my gaze through the crowd, I finally see you, surrounded by some of the noblewomen you’ve befriended since coming with me to Benitoite. Your cheeks are so pink and the smile on your face so genuinely happy I have to fight back the jealousy that starts clawing its way out.

You turn your face and meet my eyes and somehow your expression seems to light up even more. I don’t even try to hide the satisfied smirk that comes to my face, knowing I make you so much happier than anyone else feels amazing.

We meet up in the middle of the room and you’re nearly bouncing with excitement.

“My wonderful Prince, love of my life, guardian of my heart!” You exclaim, grabbing my hand and holding it to your heart.

I jerk my hand away, blushing furiously. As I struggle to calm myself I feel you clutching my arm and pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

“Ack! don’t do that. You’re gonna get lipstick all over my clothes.” I grumble. I’m not really that upset and you’re completely unbothered as you start twirling around, dress flaring from your hips.

“Can we dance? Please?” You plead, looking up at me with those damned gorgeous eyes. I can’t say no to you under normal circumstances, but when you’re like this I just want to keep that child-like joy on your face. You’re too fuckin’ cute for your own good.

“Yeah, we can dance.”

I barely have a chance to react as you throw yourself into my arms, giggling happily. You reach up tugging my shoulders down and press a kiss to my lips.

Ah, shit… Everyone can see us! I try to pull back gently but your grip is ridiculous tonight and you keep working your lips against mine, letting you tongue dart out here and there, knowing how flustered it makes me. My face is getting hot, really hot, I gotta put a stop to this. I end up grabbing your wrists, freeing myself from the onslaught and pulling you behind me.

I ain’t riskin’ you pulling that kind of stunt again. I march us right back to my room and don’t release you until the door is closed behind me.

Turning to face you, my heart drops. You’re sat on the floor, looking so dejected and upset and… damn it.

“Why’re you so sad looking? You’re the one who attacked me in front of all those people.” I huff, trying to figure out why you’d be reacting this way.

“But you said we could dance.”

Your voice is quiet, but I can still tell you were letting yourself get choked up over the disappointment.

Letting out a sigh, I drop to my knees beside you. You start to turn toward me but end up hitting me in the face with your hair as you whip your head the other way. You’re mad now, great…

“Can you at least look at me when I’m tryin’ to make ya feel better?” I mumble, reaching out, gently cupping your cheek with my hand and putting just enough pressure to get you to finally look my way.

I nearly burst out laughing as I catch sight of your grumpy expression, but I just barely manage to keep it in. You’d be so mad if I started laughing, but you’re so goddamn adorable I can’t stop the smile that springs to my lips.

“That’s better. I wanted to tell ya that just because we ain’t at the party anymore doesn’t mean we can’t still dance. If we go out on the balcony, you can still hear the music and everything.” I offer, but you still don’t seem entirely convinced so I add, “This way I don’t have to stop ya kissin’ or touchin’ me or whatever…”

Then I see your face morph into a victorious smirk.

“Haha, I’ve got permission now!” You cheer, jumping up and throwing your arms around me.

“Gahh! You little shit! Were you playin’ me this whole time?!”

“Like a fiddle,” you snicker into my ear, peppering my face with kisses.

You wanna play that game? Count me in. I sweep my arm under your legs, rising to my feet and carrying you out onto the balcony.

“I meant you don’t have to stop while we’re dancing. So, you only have permission while we’re dancin’, got it?” I state, setting you down and fixing you with a challenging stare.

The playful look on your face remains as you once again launch yourself at me, locking your arms around my neck.

“Dance with me, Silvio.”

I place my hands on your waist, yours on my arms. In no time we’re swaying in time to the distant music, my forehead pressed against yours. Everything seems to fall away as you rise to your toes and press the sweetest kiss to my lips.

Your eyes are filled with so much love as you pull back it’s almost dizzying. Never before has anyone shown me even a fraction of the love you’ve given me, and you just keep showing me more.

“I love you so much, Silvio. You make me feel so special, so important. I see you and my day becomes so much better just having you there. I can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am that you love me. You mean the world to me.

Affection swells in my chest to the point it almost hurts. When did you end up getting me this wrapped around your finger? I pull you close, burying my face in your hair, breathing in your comforting scent. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ve ever been happier in my life. I feel your arms come around my back, hugging me, and I feel like my heart may explode.

“You’re my world.”

The whisper leaves my lips involuntarily, surprising me almost as much as it surprises you. You lift your head to look up at me, eyes brimming with tears.

My eyes widen and I look away, willing my face to remain free of the heat that I know is dusting my cheeks.

Without a word, you press yourself against my chest, hugging me even tighter.

“You’re my world too.”

[affinitystoryblog]

so these questions were initially an ask but i accidentally published the ask before i was done answering. luckily i had copied what i had written before i deleted the incomplete answer, but here is the answers! i do not remember what the last one was, so unfortunately i can only give u these ones.

--------------

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Sinie

SO ACTUALLY there is a major story event that takes place late book 1 that changes sinie's character for a while. book 2 sinie is not going to be the same as book 1 sinie....i cant say what the event is because i think its too much of a spoiler. but sinie fuckin loses it. goes dark. corrupted by her own emotions. itll be the lowest anyone has ever seen sinie. the event, and her actions resulting from how it affects her, will change her forever.

Csilla

this one is a little harder for me to answer, because i havent thought of something like this for csilla like i have for sinie. csilla is...a little stronger than sinie tbh. she can handle darker emotions easier, given that she's been an outcast and lonely most of her life. she isnt sheltered necessarily, just kept on a tight leash. she feels her mother doesn't love her, she adores her father but he's often times too busy to make any actual time for her so he overcompensates by spoiling her in any way he can, and her and her brother have an estranged resentment for each other.

the one that really brings out the best in her is everett. sure, everett is kinda just doing as programmed and trying to woo csilla, but damn does she fall for it. she's a hopeless romantic, and everett is everything she could've ever wanted in someone. he makes her laugh, hes attractive, he gives her attention, comforts her, they have a lot of similar interests, he is always taking her out to do new things she never dreamed of doing trapped by the shackles of her parents expectations. he makes her feel free. so tbh, i actually think a perfect scenario for this would be everett's betrayal. (idc about spoiling this since i mean itll be obvious its gonna come out once i start the arc) i mean, idk if i would rly call it much of a betrayal, more of a reveal that he was a spy but lbr, he's gonna continue doing what mommy (agitha) says until his heart finally tells him to do whats right. (i have a feeling that everett will be on their side before agitha, but i havent fully figured it out yet...) so there'd be a bit of time where everett's heart is in limbo and csilla would be sitting in her room rotting away bella twilight style until it was all resolved.

guilt: What is your OC guilty about? How do they handle their guilt? Do they try to avoid guilt, or do they accept it?

Sinie

again, the big story event that sinie goes through at the end of book 1 will cover all of this. she's definitely gonna marinate in her negative emotions for a while, coping very very badly. she cuts her hair off. not a spoiler u guys have seen short haired sinie tons of times if ur familiar with this blog. i just decided tho...i think i want her to go full throttle and shave it all off. i think she'd eat.

Csilla

see, i love asks like this because i dont normally think of stuff like this for csilla like i do sinie because im used to sinie being the protagonist like she was in beta affinity, but i need to treat csilla with that same respect cause she's equally the protagonist. theyre both the main character because u cant have this story without one or the other. and this stuff makes me think for csilla.

so anyway, i dont know how to answer this question off the top of my head, SO lets psychoanalyze csilla!

she's shy and introverted, but she's also still a nerd; she likes art and music, dance, videogames even though she doesnt play much herself, anime and cartoons (sinie does end up getting her into "kiri kyu-kyu-cute!!") but she also kind of doesnt know how to have friends. she was outcasted for being the weird witchy kid growing up in a bougie all girls private school, and we ALL know how hardcore middle school girls bully. i havent fully thought of how all of csilla's history with bullying went, but it definitely affected her to grow up alone and isolated.

she probably would feel guilty for liking witchcraft and being interested in magic, it being ingrained in her head that its weird and creepy and dangerous. and running with that, she would probably feel like an absolute freak for being a magical girl. ive kind of already depicted csilla calling magic freaky and she is shown to be scared of it.

(shown in chapter 1)

(and then a couple times in chapter 2)

csilla is the one who insists they keep their magical identities a secret, partly because i personally dont want too much of the world suddenly being exposed to magic rn, (hence miko, who takes them to a place they can be destructive) but also because csilla is embarrassed. notice how she calls it "wacky". she does admit it was awesome, but thats really mostly sinie's influence. csilla does still love wacky things, she was just abused into feeling guilt about liking these things. she can be more free with sinie who is OPENLY expressive about her love for magic and their newfound powers.

so i definitely think csilla should go through an identity crisis of some sort, battling her feelings of feeling like a total freak and then feeling like she has a purpose. csilla is a little more logical when it comes to magic, its not supposed to be real. no one would believe them anyway and she's terrified of being considered the freak in a place where she can start over.

i think playing with this idea early on is better, so ill go through and edit some chapters and then keep the theme in mind for future chapters for consistency :)

oc ask meme

[percyjacksonscookies]

being alive is fucking wild

idk who said this on this stupid blue website but someone once said that were all skyscrapers of information trying not to crash into each other

and the more I live the more I see just how fucking true that is

and then I think about the systems we have in place that brought us here

the ways that people with power exerted that power over others to try and make life feel like more than it is

like.... imagine if instead of Europeans killing off natives with their nasty ass habits and diseases, instead, a disease that native people had, killed off every European that made it to our shores

THEN how would human history have developed? without a continent dedicated to imperialism and exerting power over others??

I like to think that native teachings would have thrived

I like to think that maybe when we figured out how to take care of immediate danger, we would thrive

instead of developing a world where your emotions are suppressed and squashed due to the culture built off of suffering of the many for the luxury of a few, wouldn't it be nice to just...

live?

truly truly live

bills don't exist

you have clean water, food, shelter, electricity, and internet

the community takes care of you and you take care of your community when you can

and the rest is just.....

up to you

theres a reason why the cliché of "life is what you make of it" exists

so people would have the opportunities to pursue what makes themselves happy

or make a miserable lives for themselves, dealing with whatever consequences may come

but they'll be alive to make new decisions

they won't have to make mistakes from being worried sick about how to survive in a world where community is being strangled right before our eyes

idk

thats my utopia

everyone has their basic needs met

if people are assholes, they dont have the power to make other people's lives miserable with their own unhappiness

basically; my utopia is you get to hang out with whoever you want

if someone sucks you can just fuckin leave

they can't control your shelter, clean water, food, electricity, or internet

and if they find themselves alone with no one that wants to be around them, they need to do some haaaaaaard soul searching

I just wanna hang out for a living man

why is that so hard

it shouldn't be

but im hopeful, that one day it won't be hard

were at a point in human history we've never been at before

more connected than ever, yet more isolated because of systems before us out of our control

but

those systems were made by people

so why can't we change it?

[old-stoneface]

holding myself back from criticizing another fuckin podcast . i just. i really take my mythology seriously. and i hate it when people write stories abt folklore and mythology etc and they act like everything is so weeeeird and straaaaange and like these characters from legend are real and Evil . and when people dont know basic shit. like in this podcast one character was like "i hope we see a selkie" and the other was like "how do you know what a selkie is?" ITS A SELKIE. ITS REALLY NOT AN UNKNOWN FOLKTALE. CMON GUYS. PLEASE TRY HARDER W YOUR WRITING. like it just sucks! it really sucks. people should be taking more scholarly interest in these topics, and i understand writing your own stories based on them, but youre making this all a lot more dressed up than it needs to be. the people who grew up learning traditional stories found in their corner of the world and believing in them over thousands of years are not lesser than us, they lead just as complex lives with the same complex emotions as we do now in the modern age, and acting like they were idiots is horrible. the same podcast im complaining abt w the selkie thing also had an interaction between two characters where one was like "wasnt that god evil? didnt people perform human sacrifices to them?" and the other replied "thats just what people did. the god wasnt necessarily evil. we shouldnt judge a god based on what people do in their name." okay. okay. there is a lot to unpack there (/neg), but what i want to point out is that this shows a fundamental misunderstanding of what a god is. a "god" is a reflection of humankind that was imagined to explain why life works a certain way. the storms are destroying the crops? must be that someone is angry with us! there must be a reason besides "the world is just like this", because that isnt fair! the world cannot just be cruel! there needs to be a reason. and thus, we have figures like thor and zeus born into existence. gods are reflections of people. they are morally gray or even absent from a moral code altogether, because they arent seen as human. humans need reasons that bad things happen. humans need comfort. they need someone to blame or thank. You Cannot Say That A God Is Not Responsible For Its Worshipers Because Gods Are Not Real. A God Is A Construct Of Human Belief. All That A God Is Is A Belief. they exist because we say so!!!!

as an aside, yes i do love stories abt mythology where gods are real and taken seriously. one of my favorite movies is the northman because it takes that belief and religion and practice completely seriously, and its incredible and fascinating and horrifying, as gods are supposed to be. i love that. i grew up reading percy jackson as an adolescent because it was kid friendly mythology, and i love mythology. i find it so interesting to put ourselves in the mindset of "what if it is real?" because thats a different sort of world that we can dream up. the silt verses, for fucks sake!!! one of my favorite podcasts! literally about "what if all gods were real"! runemarks by joanna harris!! go read it!!!! its my favorite adaption of norse myth!! i am not being a killjoy. i am just saying you need to Think about what youre writing before you write it. also i hate stories that blend mythology, assuming they can combine the myths of sirens with mermaids and erase historical folklore, saying that "all creatures exist alongside one another but theyre all so isolated they havent had any interesting interaction" its so stupid. most gods are the same gods and thru those repeated stories and ideas and concepts we can get a better idea of what was historically important to humankind. dont read american gods though...the ending sucks and is a total letdown....you wont enjoy it. but it does introduce some interesting topics of how belief travels across the world and births new religions. really cool. however i dont like that book so dont read it

[sweetandmeat]

whole little story i wrote in my friend’s dms between bob and miles while half asleep vv 

how bob and miles meet: bob sees miles as the next victim of his general escapades of being a cannibal, but when infodumping to miles he corrects him actually, and bob gets curious about what he knows so what Was a near deadly scenario turns into a surprisingly pleasant conversation, bob reclining onto a wall while miles recomposes himself while listing off anatomy facts to a very fascinated bob.

they part ways, and only find eachother again at random intervals around the town later on. the town isnt too big, so it's not to hard to crash into someone you may know, even if its a serial killer outside of his usual attire, recognized by voice alone.

they get to talking, get to know eachother, and bob invites miles to the decrepit isolated SHITTY apartments he lives in and miles is like dude. Nah. NAH. rents getting harsh for me do you maybe? want to move in? the company would be nice. plus you get anatomy facts all day everyday. HOWEVER, chill out a little with the killing. i see a new vody in the newspapers almost every fuckin day dude!

so they now live together and dont Actually talk that much. bob does his own thing whereas being an intern in a hospital is Long hours. he comes home more and more worn out constantly. one week it is SO BAD he gets maybe 10 whole hours of sleep in three days and is having THE WORST constant mental breakdown in his life.

bob, NOT one to usually ask about the mental state of others is even pretty worried. dude barely talks anymore just sleeps and goes to work so hes like awh shit ok. Whats going on. and miles is at his wits end and EXPLODES in all his pent up fear and anger. job is considering kicking him out since he cant keep up with the same resilience as the other interns and residency is almost at his doorstep but hes Struggling to assist and nearly fucked up in the OR and hes SOOOO tired. he can't solve an issue to a patient they've opened up with a pulmonary issue that everyone is stumped with and he's got the feeling that if he gets taken off the care list for this patient he's going to be out of a job soon or WORSE. he's paranoid about being blacklisting from the medical field (but that's pure paranoia talking)

bob just kinda is at a loss. he doesnt really kniw how to soothe these things super well other than like a hug or cuddling but when it comes to Words or other actions he falls short. so he asks what he could possibly do. and miles is like "UGH i dunno man  i just fucking WISH i could just stare at some fuckin lungs to try and figure iut what i can do for this patient. cause if not im a goner, and you wouldve wasted your time Not eating me four months ago." and bobs like oh. I Can Do That

next day miles comes home to a whole pair of lungs on the dinner table NOT PRESERVED AT ALL stinking up the place. he hates it but its not Much worse than the usual smell of an OR so after the initial "WHAT THE FUCK" moment he looks over to an eager (but also oddly nervous) looking bob and gets to work dissecting the lungs to figure his predicament out.

it helps! A LOT! he actually thinks he has a solid course of action and fir the first time in about a month he gets a SOMEWHAT ok amt of sleep in preparation to pitch his idea to his residents

it goes well, and now he's feeling a little better. but now hes got his next case, and bobs on it again to retrieve another organ. rinse and repeat! suddenly miles is no longer struggling to keep up with his other interns and hes doing Good (to the surpriseof all of his coworkers and Annoyance of a few shitheads). it raises a few eyebrows but they ultimately just see it as a "fuck. now this guys a contender for residency Too. ugh w/e."

AND THEN. bob gets arrested. he isnt seen for a few years, and miles is So worried for a good year before his saddness kinda fades into the background.  he knows what happened but hes just, Sad. and he kinda saw it coming. but no tracks led back to him, which was surprising since bob seemed very Ride Or Die about everything.

SO. miles continues on. life as usual, he's finally a resident he's doing well he's got a house for himself now though it's still just him in it. and them the events of tender treats happens. and theres a Corpse knocking on his front door. a LITERAL corpse. bullet wounds, tire tracks, severe burns and all and miles is like WHAT THE FUCK!!!

bob just kinda hobbles in, and lays down on the couch. miles FRANTICALLY fishing out his firstaid kit and it stiching uo everything and putting ointment pretty much Everywhere he can and wrapping wounds the WHOLE nine yards. hes freaking out about the bullet wounds and while fishing it out bob is just like Hissing in rage about how his night went. tensions are high and miles keeps SCOLDING the guy until he snaps and they start arguing BUT not for long

its out of worry. and miles bites back i "THATS IT! i know all aggression comes from fear so WHAT ARE YOU SCARED OF?!" and bob shouts back that hes TERRIFIED of being forgotten. he doesnt care HOW he's remembered he was just horrified and scared of being forgotten by the town. and ESPECIALLY scared of being forgotten by miles. everything falls silent, and after miles double and triple checks bobs wounds they fall asleep together on that couch

next day they catch up! bob doesnt have much to say, he just spent all his time in solitary confinement, what he Does say is what he was up to when they lived together that first time. he got tangled in the cults shenanigans, and was offered the amulet. he was essentially being used as a distractor for the cult, all eyes would be on the cannibal killer running amok so no one would pay attention to the far more calculated and discreet actions of the cult. he got to do what he wabted, they got to do what they wanted. the amulet just insured that hed be able to do it for Far longer, not having to worry abour death as much. he became NEAR impossible. which also meant he didnt actually follow miles' rule of "dont start shit as often." he earned a smack on the head when recounting that one

the amulet, THOUGH it got damaged, insured he stayed alive even after that second encounter with the police in tender treats, but its healing properties were gone, so he tanked all the attacks and Felt it all. hence the corpse at miles' doorstep.

miles forces him to lay low at his place and NO MORE KILLING. (bob doesnt listen to that last one really, but his attacks are incredibly sparse now) and they have hot gay sex now yippee end of story (for now)

[valla-chan]

copying this from my own tags cause actually i want to talk about this on the post after all.

Warning: Long text! feel free to skip!

I feel like having one parent of one kind and one of the other made me this fucking mess that i am now, in a way. It was never explicit or outright but it Never Needed To Be.

I would get harassed for my nails and hair and mannerisms and be made the butt of jokes that i didnt understand by one parent, and then the other would tell me im great the way i am. i guess also there was some kind of ongoing speculation between them as to what my sexuality was?? i do remember that.

It really created this strong, unrelenting feeling that i have a very narrow path to tread before people begin speculating on the different ways that i'm actually somehow fucked up or weird in an unlovable way, but as long as i tread lightly then i can toe the line.

of course, my life has improved since then because they split when i was a preteen (#aayyyy) but it did last long enough to do damage...

(otherwise how else do you explain trying to always "lose people's trail on you", when you feel like theyre onto stuff going on in your head? Trying to maintain the image people have of you, so they dont fall apart at how disgusting you actually are, or instead start drawing uncomfortable connections that will lead to them to that realization anyway? “Finding out”? Finding out what? Who the fuck knows by now! but theyre gonna find me out! and then theyre gonna hate me!)

Results?

For at least a decade and a half everyone has been “Going to Find It Out” about me and i have no fucking clue what that means anymore. because ive already come out and transitioned n shit, and ive been fine for it. that was like my biggest secret for a while. But that feeling of people i care about "finding out" is real enough to keep me from doing anything! (other than hrt cause i woulda literally have offed myself if i had to live even 5 more years as a guy... so thank fuck for the support yknow lol cause otherwise i would have figured out some DIY shit under the table by then. but other, more surface level pursuits still feel off the table, because they are not motivated by literal death if i dont do them in time.)

But its like... the damage is already done.

ive got a supportive family. even the worst of most of them have come around.

But those mental patterns are Mine now. Those thoughts are not theirs to take back anymore.

I have internalized those years of uncomfortable treatment into my own mind and how i work. thats on me now, and im trying to explore and help myself now and its hard.

So make sure to constantly tell your kids that you would love them even if they turned into a fuckin slug. And more importantly, that you accept them and promote them for everything they want to stand for even if you dont agree. Cause MAN, even for maybe not intending to do anything wrong、that shit influenced and ruined every interaction and decision in my life since! Theres no taking that back, even if done on accident through just being a goober parent influenced by current social norms! So imagine doing that level of harm on purpose!

You will create a kid that doesnt have to wonder on the extent of the bounds of how much they will be loved, they will KNOW those bounds. They will feel those bounds in every decision they make and every choice they consider. They will know FOR SURE that they will not be loved for themselves、and that will be on YOU.

and a word of advice, love their potential too... love their choices and their visions and the people they look up to. Cause people change. They are designed to.

you cant just love someone for who they are now and not those other things、or they will be stuck in trying to be that person for life.

And to anyone who reads this who knows me, hi! If this says anything about me as a person, then good! It should!

I think that my mid 20s are going to be some of the most intense self reflection ive had yet, and hopefully that actually goes somewhere unlike how it never does. so forgive, me voices and memories, for becoming someone who i like and who the people i hate don't.

[raccoonfallsharder]

hey, chip anon here, i was gonna respond to the miguel thing but i thought abt smth and now and i’m curious,,

okay so i gained a lil crush on someone i met at a mall, and now my friend is suddenly so down bad for him too and it’s stressing me out . i love her to death but this just is a lil much for me,, am i being dramatic?? sorry i’m asking you, i don’t have many friends so why not ask for advice anonymously?? you don’t have to answer , i just figured it was worth a shot

god this is embarrassing but being quite honest here this is one of my very first crushes (on the aromantic spectrum 🤟) and i do not know what to DO !!! is it normal for my friends deciding they wanna date my crush

btw i had chips today . i just had to add .

to start with: i know feelings tend to do whatever they want whether you fucken like it or not, but if you can…please be gentle with yourself? there’s no need to be embarrassed. (i dont know if this resonates for you but i personally think embarrassment is the result of our poor little prehistoric-mammal-instincts trying to protect us & warn us when they think that we might get judged for something && get kicked out of the pack but (1) that’s absolutely not gonna fuckin happen here and (2) i don’t think that there’s anything about your ask that isn’t relatable in some way. like you are for sure not alone in navigating first-time- or any-time-crush confusion & weirdness)

secondly…i’m just sorry you’re going through this. crush-feelings are…chaotic enough without having the added complication of newness plus a friend’s feelings being involved like this. that’s fuckin rough my little chip and I’m bummed that this is happening for you

thirdly: i would not consider myself an advice-giver generally, especially when i only have access to two paragraphs of information. ultimately, you are the person who knows your life better than anyone. you are the expert here. but i will share a few things i think might be helpful in really clarifying & distilling your own course of action?? && you can take or leave them as feels right to you.

so there’s twenty seven paragraphs behind the cut && probably none of them will be what you were hoping for, and im sorry for that, but it’s the best i can do && i hope it helps a little tiny bit ♡

we can’t ever really know what your friend is feeling. there can easily be innocent or toxic reasons for her to be interested in this person now. plus, people can’t control their feelings, anyway.

but they can control their behavior.

so i would think it might be helpful for you to identify the actual behaviors she’s engaging in. like, is she wanting to talk with you about this person and gush over them? or is she wanting to “compete” with you and…i dunno, date them first? is she indicating she wants to bond with you over this, or expressing apologies and concern and support for you, or suddenly trying to pursue this other person without any regard for you?

secondly i’d encourage you to consider how her behavior is impacting you, how she responds in general (including but not limited to this situation) when/if you tell her how her behavior is affecting you, and finally, consider how much you want your friendship to survive && flourish (there’s no shame in any answers to any of these questions).

from there, it might be easier to figure out how you want to respond.

you could roll with things and let it go (especially if you feel like it’s a benign shared interest and she really cares about supporting you).

you could talk to her about it and be like, “hey, i noticed you seemed to develop feelings for this person shortly after i expressed interest. our friendship is important to me, and i want to make sure we’re taking care of it, so i thought i should let you know i’m concerned for us right now. could we talk about it?” (which i think makes sense if her behavior bothers you, but you want to try to protect && preserve your friendship).

or you could cut her out entirely (this might make the most sense if it seems like a repeated pattern of behavior — not necessarily with romantic interests obvi, but just trying yo compete with you or not caring about your feelings — in spite of you expressing that it hurts you and/or if you’re not interested in seeing if the friendship can be salvaged).

and these are only three of like, countless approaches you could take, all of them on a massive spectrum.

the point is you have options. and you don’t even have to make a decision or take any action or commit to a line of thinking right now — you can just feel your fuckin feelings and wait and see what happens, if you want. take some time to think && to listen to yourself and your instincts. process with someone you trust. there’s no need to rush your own brain or to react quickly here.

and most importantly, trust yourself. again ill say: you are the best expert of your own life experiences. truly ♡ you’ve been living them your whole life && nobody knows em like you do

again im sorry i couldn’t be more helpful but that’s the best I’ve got. i love you chip nonnie && I’m rooting for you && hoping it all works out. keep me updated if you want ♡

ps for whatever it’s worth im actually on the asexual spectrum (not that anyone can tell from my current fanfiction offerings) so let me tell you the first time i had sexual feelings for a person it was a fuckin trip (panomantic demisexual here hello)

[0nlyyangel]

lol just venting

my sibling is so fuckin frustrating sometimes. they’re 20 years old but still require so much hand holding to just be a person. like it shouldn’t be my job to remind them and guide them though applying for student loans for the third time. i had to figure it out on my own and do it all independently each time.

i try my best to be patient because i know they struggle with self confidence issues and anxiety but it’s so hard on me sometimes. it’s so much more pressure to have someone else’s life and future in your hands than it is to have your own. if i fucked up my own form i’d figure it out, but they fuck it up based on my advice i’d feel responsible. i never had a kid, my parents did. so i didn’t sign up to feel responsible for anyone’s future but my own.

i love them a lot and i enjoy spending a moderate amount of time with them, but i’m starting to feel a strong need for space from them. that worries tf outta me because we always joked about how we’d get an apartment together someday, eventually i’d be in a serious relationship and they’d come live in my guest room (it’s a joke bc the housing market in our city is a NIGHTMARE, not like a “hahah you’re stuck with your sibling for life”). i just feel like im ready to consider working towards leaving my family apartment, and they’ll actually feel hurt and maybe even betrayed to find out i want to be away from them too.

on one hand i feel selfish about everything i’m considering right now. on the other hand i have them and their best interest in mind when i think about needing this space from my family. they aren’t going to learn to figure things out and be independent if i’m always so physically close by to help

[gingersnapandgonzap]

so it’s kinda been a while, been busy with life stuff and also getting gonzap back in shape. great news, he is back to being absolutely shredded and can even fly around with me on his back, which is incredibly cool! big fan of it.

i tried out using him to send a letter to my dad (thanks to your suggestions!), figuring he would best know where to find him. it was weird not having him around for two days, but he came back fine and even with a response from dad!

the letter i sent him was basically just asking about yi (where exactly he found him, ideas on what he is, etc) and also giving him an update on how we’re all doing in unova. his response was essentially him expressing how much he missed us all and how tedious work has been this past month.

but when it comes to yi, things get kinda crazy.

so if you may remember from one of my previous posts where i had a letter from dad, he said yi was found in a graveyard. the way this graveyard was found was kinda scuffed but also boring so i’m not gonna elaborate too hard. but essentially this fluff ball was found buried in the sand around the bodies/bones of two other pokemon who seemed to be buried alive (due to signs of struggle and whatnot). yi, however, was in immaculate shape despite this but was barely breathing and also badly poisoned. he seems to have some kind of extreme resistance to this poison, or maybe even some affinity towards it, because it’s dad’s running theory that the poison is what kept him alive.

trying to heal this poison proved pretty difficult and is probably the reason his x ray machine fuckin exploded, as a sample he extracted later proved to be incredibly volatile and radioactive. it also smelled like mustard for some reason??? idk why he mentioned that, but ok i guess.

anyways he also found out…. somehow, didn’t elaborate how, that yi has some kind of hidden treasure inside of him??? but not like he ate a box of gold or something, like there’s a puzzle in his dna that, when solved, does… something sought after? that’s why he sent yi to me, because he doesn’t want someone untrustworthy to have the puzzle solved. im heavily paraphrasing but idk how else to describe “an operation outlined in his genetic code that holds the secret to infinity”(???? seriously dad).

so i guess i own a rubix cube and not a reshiram. fuckin RIP. despite that, he’s still a good boy and he’s grown on me. he and my other two get along great, and yi is pretty submissive so he makes an excellent playmate for ginger. ori is still learning what not to do (like hide in the fucking sink because she doesn’t want to go outside) so she’s a work in progress, but she seems to get along with yi at least.

and that’s everything i wanted to cover. i know this is long but it’s been a long time, so it felt natural to just dump a little. as your reward take this picture i found in one of my old backpacks of my dad and i at orre’s cactus sanctuary :)

[rockinmyownboat]

Vindieziel Wooksvagen:

The Nazi Pinata

There's a phrase i use all the time to encapsulate those insane moments when life spirals out of control like a freebasing pimp on the freeway. When life is on its way to smack me, fuck me and steal my money, i just bend over, smile and say,

"It is what it is."

I love it. You literally can't say anything more. Complain all you want, but what good will it do?

It is. What it is.

Heres an example of a great use of this timeless classic.

I bought a used car. Its A jetta TDI. Its a great drive. Fast as hell. Powerful. Handles like a fucking dream, the way that fine German cars are designed to. You could take this thing on the autobahn and it would cling to every curve like silk on a supermodel.

The car has been running great, mechanically, which is EXACTLY what i wanted. I prayed for that. I asked God for it.

I said, "God, give me A mechanically sound car that hauls ass. And please give me a ripped guardian angel who can keep up. I can install my own stereo deck. Amen"

And i left it at that.

God answers prayers.

With a sense of humor.

This spunky little German is my Nazi pinata. Just one bad surprise after another.

Here's the conversation that's been going through my head every day for the last 4 days since Snowmageddon '23 besieged the citizens of Portland.

I preface this with the fact that ive owned this car less than 2 months.

Me: Gosh...Driving around on a tire steadily leaking is bad enough. Now i have to do it on ice, like... what the fuck am i? a German figure skater with a burst breast implant?

wait .... i can pump it up ....i have a portable air compressor. Im good there....

There we go. Tires pumped. Im as pumped as my tire. Pump up the jams, and Lets go. Driving a diesel on ice makes me feel like im on Ice Road Truckers.

BRING IT ONNNN....

>a few minutes later, staring at the low tire air indicator on the dash, while slipping and sliding down thick sheets of ice that were streets yesterday<

Inner voice : Change the bloody tire...?

Me: Well... i can't.... there's........ no tire places open ... everything's Frozen ... gotta let it go...

IV: You have a bloody spare, you idiot! You could change your own tire, right??? You're as worthless as pig shit on an oil pan aren't you??

Me: Well no ... I'm not .... i could change my own tire...

>lightbulb< I have a spare! SAVED!!!

... wait ....

oh no ....

IV: Where in the bloody hell is the sodding tire jack???

Me: ummm ......

Damn.

IV: Well shit to that idea. Good thing you thought to check for that at the dealership when you bought the car, you fuckin muppet!

Me, somewhat frazzled: Okay, but i got roadside assistance? ATT? Farmers? AAA???? They could come out to put the spare on for me... yes! Ill call them! One of them HAS to be able to make this happen ....

IV: Ha!! Guess what? They have the EXACT BLOODY SAME service provider pool. No responses to level 2 requests. Emergencies only. Blizzard trumps all like its trying to make Oregon less than great again. Foiled again!

>this is where i start slowly breaking down as my inner Chef Ramsay lets loose with a tirade<

Oh hey, don't forget the check engine lights still on, and it will beep incessantly like a digital chinese water torture device.

>anxiety reaching critical levels<

And the driver side handle is still busted from the LAST ice storm, so good luck on those contortionist skills. Every day, you'll open up the driver side door through the back door, from the inside...

Get creative and think thin, you chunky monkey.

Lets add 14 inches of ice and snow to add a degree of coordination challenges as you're trying to get on the road for work, Slippy mcLegstretchy

>anxiety at maximum capacity<

As you settle in with broken seat warmers, take some more snow and smile as you choke on it.

Mother Natures on the rag and you're her bloody tampon.

>critical point reached. Its time to scream<

As i slide down an icy urban Slip'n'Slide, im minnowing back behind a city bus doing a fishtail -- wait no ... i guess its a whale-tail....

...lets be accurate....

...I think to myself .... it is what it is.

[whatsnothappening]

I didnt even finish my last entry bc i got stoned and forgot.

Hi. So, it is currently 3:16 in the morning. Well now its 3:17... dude my fuckin brain will focus on one thing only sometimes. What the fuck type dumb ass would i be if i used this entire entry to tell what time it was every time the clock changed. I could really see myself doing that lol. Well, here i am.. up at now... 3:18 😂 I have to open the store tomorrow at 9am. gotta be there 30 min early. (i tell myself that atleast but never do it.) Ill do it, im currently contimplating whether or not i want to just pull an all nighter in hopes that it will reset my sleep schedule because recently i havent been able to get to sleep like a normal person. I swear i get home and sit on the couch and my brain is dead. i cant move. i cant think of things that i need to get done around the house. BUT as soon as my fat ass head hits the pillow... its a mile a SECOND bro. we arnt going by minutes over here. We are on seconds, WE ARE STRUGGLING. But, i will say... the beginning of this year. i have enjoyed myself. i have told myself that i am going to seperate myself from my married life. GRANIT, i AM very much aware that my official married life is VERY new. Howwwwwever, i feel that i have been "married" to this man for many moons. We are just legal now. but i have seen myself become him, hes a great guy. but i am my own person. Now, one thing i told myself i am not going to do is try to become the person i was when i first met him. that person was 17. she was immature. she was broken. she was feral. this girl is still going to be feral. but she is going to be strong, physically and mentally. she is going to take time for herself. she is going to be selfish. she is going to stop blaming herself for not getting things done in a timely manner. I will say recently i have thought about asking my mother to go to therapy with me. i kind of want couples counseling with her. i dont want to have a horrible relationship with her but i feel that when ever i finally move out i wil make sure i dont call. i will make sure i dont come around. but i fear that if i were to ask her to do that with me she would look at me funny and then make me feel awful for even thinking of the idea. I am quite proud of myself here recently. i have started up going to the gym. now i have been having my life long best friend go with me who has been a social crutch because i feel that i would not be able to push myself easily with out him there. but i will get to that point. dont get me wrong i have times where i think that i am pretty. but lets get this straight, i do not care how many body positivity posts you see on the internet when you are creating your avatar for a game or online profile you are not willingly choosing to make your character fat. nobody willingly chooses to be fat. i am self aware that i am never going to be an instagram model. i dont want to be. i dont want to be stared at or be the center of attention. if i was still 17 it would be a different story, that girl is dead. but i have a goal to be comfortable. and feel a little more confident than i do now. i do have one huge fear about losing weight and that is SKIN. i dont want to have random flaps just flapping everywhere. i am horrified of that. but i guess there is always surgery for that. i am not opposed to cosmetic work, i do have my lips done and plan on getting botox or whatever that more earthy option is called. whatever my cosmetic surgeon recommends i absolutely love her. anyways. i think this one is just to ramble i dont really have anything that i want to try to reason with myself on or vent or explain. im just talking, trying to figure out how i am going to handle tomorrow lol. oh by the way its 3:31😘

[vampyroteuthid]

the tumblr ~attitude~ toward ace people makes me deep sigh

[heliographe]

hey, dream fans. dream fan here.

i dont use twt, i dont rlly follow any people who cover drama and so i found out ab the grooming allegations from the people i do follow vague posting ab it. which-- alr, im writing this just to vent and ill probably delete it later so here we go

im a bit annoyed at many peoples-- fans of dream-- response to this. a lot of its emotional, people being devastated by the news that a cc theyre so attached to is potentially a pedo. like yeah, fuck, that is pretty upsetting on its own. but where is the logic . the critical thinking. come on, people. you are capable of it. ive seen how capable you are.

now. to be fair a lot of the ppl i follow are young and very emotionally invested in this man and use twitter, and if i know anything about the damn internet its that twitter is some kind of fuckin virus. its emotionally draining, it is practically made for going after your sensitivities and insecurities and hopes and fears and all that shit.

the second i figured out the entire situation , i knew it wasnt true. dream is not a damn pedo, or a groomer, or whatever stupid big trigger word theyre throwing at him. and its simple why i know, why its so goddamn obvious.

its DREAM. and i say this with full confidence bc ive heard him talk. about his aspirations , his mistakes, his feelings, ive seen him act it out. weve seen it.

he lives with two extremely close and clearly stable, smart friends. he has many other friends who vouch for him, who have shown integrity and intelligence in their own right.

groomers are idiots. pedos are sick. there are reasons they are like that. dream is neither. he has so many good supports in his life, hes had rough patches as any young and learning and growing person would and he has SHOWN that hes learning and figuring shit out and hes progressing so well, listening and caring and again, its literally visible . the way he speaks ab things, the actions he takes.

i get how important that whole "listen to the victim" shit is, but god. that doesnt mean entirely fucking discard the evidence of innocence on one side of the accusations. take a step back from twitters poisonous moral fear mongering, take a step back from any emotional investment or parasocial feelings you have for dream. look at his behaviour objectively. hes not a villain, hes not a bad guy, hes not a stupid one, hes not the type of person who would do anything like that.

dont doubt what youve seen from this stupid fucking idiot minecraft youtuber. theres a reason you get so attached to him in the first place . hes genuine, hes easy to love because of it.

on the other side of this. the people accusing him very obviously have a malicious agenda. doing this at the height of his popularity, right after he face revealed and is getting ready to do entirely new content ? the wording they use ? god, its so cancel culture it hurts. fuck off with that shit. its disgusting how many times people try and spin popular ccs into pedos and how many fans fall for it bc theyre so scared its true. shut up your fear and think. i say this with a polite tone, bc i am too annoyed to be gentle.

take care of yourselves. please remember to think outside of twitter culture. form your own opinion, and when you do please try and consider things objectively and as critically as possible. twitter culture is a fucking curse.

[in-ky]

Hi! I’d love a story about Negan being a serial killer who only kills “bad people” (like in Dexter) and maybe he saves the reader from her ex who’s about to kill her and Negan can save her and takes her in because she’s a mess but she’s actually a killer herself (who kills rapists etc/ only the bad ones) and Negan and the reader start fighting and then get caught up in steamy hot sex 🥵 thank you!

Savior - Negan Killer AU

Warnings: Warnings: GORE + violence, smut, domestic abuse, swearing, dirty talk ig? idk how to tag this lol

A/N: hey! i struggled over this one for a while lol. ive only seen like. 3? episodes of dexter so. i really hope this meets your expectations! also forgive any mistakes its late, im tired, and i wanna get this up lol. also, is negan batman? maybe. 3.7k words

"Will, stop you're hurting me!" I hissed, grabbing at his wrist. He tugged me out of the bustling restaurant and into the dark street.

"I don't really give a shit," He snarled, throwing me into a secluded alleyway a few buildings down from the restaurant. Will had taken me out to a business dinner with his boss in hopes of showing me off and making a good impression. But things didn't quite go according to plan. "You embarrassed me in front of everyone!" He pushed me against the brick wall of the closed department store.

"What was I supposed to do?" I sneered, trying to wiggle away from him "He kept commenting on my body, saying how he wished he could take me home at the end of the night and do all kinds of 'unspeakable things to me'."

"You were just supposed to shut up and take it!" Will said, voice filled with rage "But no, you and your untamable fucking complex just couldn't handle a compliment. You threw your drink in his face! You're lucky he didn't fire me right then and there. You made me look like some pussy who can't control his whore."

"You're an asshole." I shouted, tears welling at the edges of my eyes. Will's face contorted further into a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"What the fuck did you just call me?" He seethed, clasping his hand tightly around my throat and constricting his fingers around my airway.

"I said you're an asshole who cares more about his dead-end career than his fucking girlfriend." I croaked. I hated him. I hated him so much. My vision clouded with the combination of disgust, loathing, and lack of oxygen, so I hit him where I knew it hurt. "There's a reason you needed me for arm candy tonight. It's 'cause you're a boring, piece-of-shit, lowlife who has no skill whatsoever. How does it feel knowing you need me to make something of yourself?" With that, he threw me to the ground by my throat. He wasted no time and pinned me to the cold concrete. His knees dug into my shoulders and his hand flew to his back pocket, whipping out the switchblade he carried as a precaution against mugging. My eyes widened as they caught a glint of the moonlight off the sharp knife. He brought the blade up to my throat and slapped me over the cheek harshly with his free hand.

"You better take back those words, bitch," He hissed, pressing the blade into the soft skin of my jugular "or they might just be your last." A dribble of blood ran down my neck with the pressure. Realization flashed through my mind. I could die right then. That could have been my last moment. Was I scared? No. Why wasn't I scared? Maybe it had to do with the shadowy figure that was slowly approaching us from the ally entrance.

There was plenty of time for me to warn Will that someone was coming. But I didn't. Instead, I stayed quiet and watched as the shadow figure pulled Will from my body with ease and tossed him to the side. Everything was kind of a blur. I was still oxygen starved and filled with a whirl-wind of emotion. I heard Will cry out in surprise and indignance. The shadow figure said nothing. It saw the switchblade with a steady line of my blood. It kicked Will in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Then it lifted up a baseball bat over its head and cracked it down over Will's skull. He continued to beat Will until he stopped squirming. The shadow figure paused and swung the bat over his shoulder. I had regained my breath and pushed myself to my elbows. The shadow noticed me moving and took a few heavy steps in my direction. I squirmed away slightly, instincts telling me to get away from the thing that had just pulverized my boyfriend. The shadow entered a stream of moonlight. It was a man. He had peppered hair and a blood-speckled face. He had dark brown eyes and a small smile perched on his lips.

"You okay, sweetheart?" He said. His voice was deep. I was partially surprised. He wasn't a bulky man. He was tall and had a broad frame, but his limbs were long and his body was lithe. He wore a leather jacket and his boots were slick with what I could only assume were Will's brains. I didn't want to look at his bat.

"W-Why did you do that?" I whispered. It was all I could muster.

"He was going to kill you." The man sounded confused, like I was supposed to know who he was and why he saved me.

"You don't know that." My voice was quiet. My eyes were glued to a spot behind the man, unblinking. He let out a throaty chuckle and dropped to a squat, leveling with me.

"Doll, he had a knife pressed to your throat," His words were gentle "Looked like he was gonna fuckin' kill you." He hesitantly reached out two fingers in the direction of my face. I didn't move. He was wearing leather gloves. The ridged fabric ran along my injuries. "Seems like he did some damage before I could step in. Damn. Sorry about that. Listen, I live a few streets down. If you want, I can get you cleaned up."

"Okay," I said softly. I let him help me up to my feet. He guided me along with one arm while holding his bat with the other. As we walked out of the alley I couldn't help but look down at Will, or what remained of him at least. His forehead was split in half, a pool of chunky blood bubbling on the ground. I clenched my jaw and forced myself to swallow the bile that had risen in my throat. And yet, I didn't feel sad. I didn't mourn him. Maybe it was shock, maybe it wasn't. "Thank you?" I murmured, though it was more of a question. The man and I stepped out onto the street and I was grateful there was no one around to see us leaving the scene of a very heinous-looking crime.

"No problem, doll," The man hummed, setting a brisk pace down the sidewalk. "The name's Negan, by the way." Cool. Negan: my Savior.

~~~

"So you're like Batman?" I asked Negan as he dabbed the blood away from my neck. He gave a short chuckle and tore away the sticky part of the band-aid.

"I guess you can say that," he mused, splaying the bandage over the cut the knife had left "but I specifically go for people that I know have hurt others. The baddies, if you will."

"Is that legal?" I tilted my head, crossing my ankles as they dangled over the bathroom counter. My palms were flat on the surface of Negan's marble sink top, fiddling with the wrappers of the medical supplies he had used to clean and bandage my small cuts and bruises.

"I haven't been caught," Negan shrugged "besides, it's less work for the police. They don't have to do any interrogation bullshit or anything. I usually catch people in the act, like tonight. Then I do my thing."

"Do you kill everyone?"

"Only the bad people," He reminded, tossing away a bloody tissue "only people who have hurt others. But, yes, usually the offender ends up on the business end of Lucille over there." He pointed out the door into the living room, where the still-bloody bat rested against a chair. I furrowed my brow.

"Well, doesn't that make you a bad guy?" I pressed. He tapped my knee and I dropped down to the tile floor, tucking my hair behind my ear and gathering some of the scraps.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you still kill people, right? Even if they're bad? So doesn't that still make you a killer?" Negan was quiet for a minute. "Let's put it this way," I continued "What would you do if you came across someone who was like you; someone who hurt the bad people. Would you still kill them. They're hurting people." Negan took a deep breath and let it out with a contemplative sigh, itching his bearded chin.

"I'm not sure," He mused "I've never really thought about it before. See, I don't consider myself a bad person per say. Yea, what I'm doing might be considered fucked up. But I'm doing it for the right reason. I'm protecting people by attacking their attackers. In the end, someone's saved." He brushed off his hands and led me out of the bathroom, flicking the light off. "Would you rather me not have saved you tonight?"

"No," I said immediately "thank you. Really, thank you. You saved my life. Will is...was...always a dick, but I never thought he'd actually hurt me. I guess that proves people can have a whole bunch of layers." Negan nodded and moved to the kitchen. He raised a bottle of whiskey as an offering. I shook my head but he poured himself a glass.

"I was just doing my job," Negan grinned sympathetically "I'm sorry your boyfriend was an asshole who tried to murder you." I shrugged, amusement in my eyes.

"Eh, it happens to everyone." I smiled as he let out another laugh. I felt as if I shouldn't be laughing, but at the same time, everyone has their own responses to almost getting stabbed to death in an alley. So I let myself have this moment. Besides, Negan was a good guy to be around. He made me feel safe, comfortable, secure. Everything I needed right now. "So, Negan, what do you do? Surely vigilante-ing can't pay well, and this apartment is really nice."

"I'm a retired baseball player," Negan said, sipping his whiskey and settling into one of the armchairs in the living room "Hence the bat."

"Were you any good?" I asked. He let out a loud scoff.

"Was I any good?" He mocked "Sweetheart, I have a whole damn trophy room. I was fucking amazing. I just got old."

"So you're rich with no real job, you kill bad guys, and you have a massive ego," I listed "You really are like Batman, aren't you?"

~~~

Negan let me stay on his couch that night. It was leather, like everything else that man seemed to own, but it was comfortable. I woke up to the smell of bacon filling the air. I groaned and rubbed my fists against my eyes, clearing them of sleep. I stretched my arms above my head in a yawn and rolled off the couch, stumbling into the kitchen. Negan was hunched over the bubbling pan, dodging pellets of grease as they shot up at him.

"Smells good!" I purred, closing my eyes and taking a deep inhale.

"Good," He grumbled "You better fucking enjoy it because I've gotten burned at least three times." I laughed and walked up to him examining the small red patches that dotted his arms.

"You didn't have to make me breakfast you know."

"Yea, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable," He sighed, turning off the stove and scooping the cooked bacon onto a paper towel. "Besides, I was craving some bacon when I woke up. I haven't had someone to share a meal with in a while."

"Well, if you want, you can come by my house for dinner." I offered, crunching down on a piece of bacon "I've been meaning to whip out the family alfredo recipe for a while, maybe a hot date would give me that incentive." I gave him a playful wink and he chuckled.

"Sure thing, doll," He hummed, putting the pan in the sink "I love me some fucking spaghetti. I'll see you around seven?"

"Sounds good."

~~~

I ran down the sidewalk, chest heaving. There was enough darkness to cover me, but I still kept my head down to prevent recognition. I held my hands close to my stomach, praying that the blood on my fingers wouldn't drip on the pavement and leave a trail. I had been on my way home from the store when I heard some commotion coming from an alley. My first instinct was to run, but then I heard the girl crying for help. Negan came to mind, what he did, how he helped people. I couldn't turn away. I marched down the alley and saw a greasy man pinning a woman to the wall of a building. Flashbacks of the night before hit me like a train. I looked on top of the alley dumpster  and saw a crowbar perched on one of the lids. I grabbed it and stormed up to the man, whacking him upside the head with the weapon. I kicked him to the side and brought the crowbar over my head before swinging it down. It connected with his face in a sickening 'thwack.' I thought of Will. I thought of what might of happened if Negan had never stopped him. I thought of all the times that bastard had gotten drunk and told me I was nothing. I let the rage bubble up and fuel my beating. By the time I was pulled back into the moment, my muscles were screaming, the woman was gone, and the man's face was unrecognizable. I tossed the crowbar into the dumpster and ran back home.

Dried blood is extremely hard to wash off. It sticks to your skin in flakes, creating a pattern of red veins crawling over your hands. Fuck. I scrubbed as hard as I could under the rushing water of the sink, pumping more and more soap into my hand. It was under my fingernails. It was stuck in my palm prints. Shit, did I leave fingerprints at the scene? Would they be coming for me? With a hiss, I rubbed even harder at my skin, small flecks of blood turning the sink water red.

Suddenly, my door opened.

"I'm ready for my s'getties!" Negan boomed with a wide smile. My head whipped around, looking at him with wide eyes. His grin faded and he crossed the room in record time, grabbing my wrists and turning the sink off. "Is this fucking blood?" He snarled, bringing my hands up to my face. I clenched my jaw and dropped my eyes to my feet. "Jesus, who's is it? Answer me!"

"I-I heard someone screaming on the way home," I said quietly, eyes still downcast "I thought I would help..." His jaw went slack and he let go of my hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"Jesus fuck, you can't just go around killing people!"

"Why not?" I snapped, eyes meeting his "You do it all the time? What's the difference? Why can't I help people?"

"Because it...Because you just can't!" Negan growled, shaking his head.

"Why are you so special?" I hissed back, drying my hands off on a towel before tossing it at him "It's not like you can get a permit for fucking murder. Why do you do it, anyways? Is it some perverted thing? Do you get off on saving people from attackers?"

"Watch yourself." Negan warned, eyes darkening.

"Pfft, or what?" I laughed, tossing my head back "What are you gonna do, kill me? I'm not afraid of you, Negan." As soon as the words left my mouth, he charged me. His hand flew to my throat, squeezing my airway lightly. His hips pressed me against the counter. I let out a small gasp when he shoved his face next to mine.

"Oh, but doll, you really fucking should be." He spat, curling his lip "I could snap your neck right here, right now." He gave a small squeeze to emphasize his words. I let out a strangled moan. We both froze. "Are you turned on right now?" He muttered, furrowing his brow. I licked my lips and squirmed in his grip, pressing my thighs together slightly in an effort to alleviate the warm pressure growing in my belly.

"No," I lied, voice weak. A sinister grin curled over the bottom half of his face and he licked his tongue over his teeth.

"And I'm the perv, huh?" He sucked on my earlobe and peppered kisses down my jawline "Sweetheart, tell me, do you want me to fuck that pretty little pussy of yours? Do you want me to make you cum harder than you ever have?" I whimpered at his dirty mouth. "Use your words, doll, or I'll leave right fucking now."

"Y-Yes!" I breathed as Negan's lips sucked on the sweet spot right beneath my ear.

"Yes, what, princess?"

"Yes, I want you to fuck me, please!" I groaned, clawing at his shirt. He let out a short chuckle, muttering something about how needy I was, but I didn't care. Right now, the only thought running through my head was that I needed Negan. I needed all of him. And damn me if I wasn't going to get it.

We clawed at each other's clothes like rabid animals. Once we were completely bare, Negan moved his kisses down my body. His large, calloused hands kneaded my breasts, twisting my nipples between his thumbs. My arms flew around his neck and I dragged my fingernails up his back. He shivered against my touch and slid his hands further down my body. They settled firmly on my hips as he captured my lips in a fervent kiss.

"Fuck, sweetheart," he grunted, pulling back for air. I looked at him. His tawny eyes were now black, pupils far beyond dilated with lust. Both of our lips were swollen and red from the intensity of our kisses. Negan's chest inflated and deflated quickly as his eyes roamed over my body. "You're so damn perfect." I smiled sheepishly and pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, looking up at him through lidded eyes.

"You're not so bad yourself," I reached out my hand and used my pointer finger to draw a line from his collar bone down the center of his chest and through his navel, finally ending right over his pulsing cock. He sucked in a breath as my fingers closed around him. My thumb swept over the hot tip, gathering precum on the pad of my finger and rubbing it around.

"Shit," He hissed as I slowly pumped him "I'm not gonna fucking last if you keep doing that." He gently pried my hand away and took a step closer to me. I could feel his hardened length resting against the inside of my thigh. The thought of him being so close made a burst of heat rush down between my thighs. Negan took a long finger and ran it through my folds, collecting my wetness. I moaned as he teasingly dipped the first knuckle into me. He pulled back and let out a low whistle. "Damn, girl," he chuckled, raising his finger to my face "You're fucking dripping. Who's that for?" His slick-coated fingers glistened in the light of my apartment. I let out a deep groan as he slid them between his lips and sucked.

"You, Negan!" I whimpered, wrapping my legs around his waist "It's all for you." A wolfish grin spread over his features as he tugged me off him and pulled me down off the counter. He spun me around and pressed gently between my shoulder blades until my chest was flat against the cold surface.

"Then if you don't mind," Negan cooed, lining himself up with my entrance "I'm going to take what belongs to me." With that, he slowly pushed into me. I gasped at the stretch, balling my hands into fists as he continued to split me open.

"Fucking shit," he groaned once he bottomed out "you're tight as hell. I bet you've never had a dick as big as mine." He pulled out slightly and I let out a moan at the growing emptiness inside. The moan soon turned to a yelp when he brought down his hand against my ass. The smack was loud and he rubbed the red spot tenderly. "Have you?"

"N-No!" I gasped when he thrusted into me for the first time "Never. Fuck, you feel so good." Negan's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping against my ass in an obscene rhythm. Grunts and moans of pleasure slipped from both of our lips as he plowed unapologetically into me. I could feel every inch of him. He was hitting every spot, dragging against my walls in a sinfully perfect way.

"You're doing so good," He purred, kissing and biting my shoulder "So good for me. You're so perfect." I tossed my head back and he grabbed my chin, tilting my face towards him so he could give me another bruising kiss. I could only keep up for so long, though, and the white bliss of pleasure he was giving me soon became overwhelming. My jaw went slack and my head dropped against the cool tile of the counter in an attempt to ground myself in the moment. "I want you to cum, doll, cum around me. Wanna feel those walls squeeze me." His thrusts were starting to become sloppy and I could tell he was getting to his end. One of his fingers danced down my spine and found its way to my clit. He circled it with just enough pressure to get me to the edge that I was so willing to jump off. "Now." Negan growled. I obeyed, feeling the band in my lower abdomen snapping violently. We reached our releases simultaneously. My walls clenched around him, milking him of every drop. I screwed my eyes shut and screamed his name, holding in a large breath as the world around me spun. Negan eventually pulled himself out and collapsed on top of me. We both were breathing heavily, sweaty bodies entangled as well as we could over a counter. I swallowed, my throat dry from panting through my orgasm. When my eyes fluttered open, I could see Negan's thumb tracing circles over the love bites that were starting to darken on my shoulders.

"Are you going to kill me?" I rasped, running a hand through my wild hair "I guess I'm a bad person now." Negan chuckled, still out of breath.

"I think I'll make an exception," He mused, pressing a sweet kiss to the shell of my ear "I don't think I'm ready to let you go just yet."