#get this man some SSRIs

[idonotbitemythumbatyou]

Dr. Julian Bashir's clinical depression kicks in after the one-two punch of the Dominion prison camp and getting outed as an augment, and then rages unchecked for the rest of show.

The only thing he does is work, and every waking hour after that is spent getting cheap hits of serotonin. If you aren't down with holoprograms, I am so sorry, my man does not have the capacity to interact with you. Move along.

No one noticed he was replaced? Oh the changeling was actually... you- you liked him better? Yeah that's cool. haha guess I understand. Let's just pack that up to deal with never.

He's numb for so long that he's convinced that the first whisper of human emotion he manages to eke out must be something big and important like love. (I'm so sorry, Sarina, babe. He is too. He'll do it again, but he is sorry.)

And then he skillfully avoids getting help by fucking the only available therapist in the area. Depression-ass behavior.

[theneighborhoodwatch]

wait do you hc wally as ace??

"well whatever he is he's not cishet" is my read on the situation. don't ask me if he knows that though.

[6ebe]

big pharma antidepressant marketing goes crazy the amount of times I see people on here happily accepting MONTHS of feeling ill every day on a drug bc ‘your body will get used to it one day’ like girl YOU ARE PAYING THEY WANT YOU TO GIVE THE DRUG MORE TIME BC YOU ARE PAYING 😭😭

[prince-liest]

Some thoughts on Lucifer's mental health, relationships, and role as king of hell!

Lucifer’s perception of himself as the king of hell is really interesting to me because he’s very blase about it in canon while totally using it when it suits him.

I think it’s really telling that the first time he actually brings it up himself is when it’s something he can leverage to help Charlie out. He reads to me like someone who objectively knows that he’s the hottest shit in town, but also just doesn’t really think that it matters most of the time because it's not relevant to his personal problems. Being Lucifer Morningstar did not allow him to achieve his goals in petitioning heaven. Being the most powerful person in hell didn’t even un-fuck his family life!

...Except for when suddenly it might in fact help un-fuck his relationship with his daughter.

It's the main thing he can desperately and dramatically showcase as a worthwhile reason for Charlie to maintain a relationship with him, because he as a person is depressed, half-functional, and barely has enough spoons to pay attention to a conversation he's having with her while he's actively having it, nevermind remembering their last one.

He wants to! And it doesn't start with his song at the hotel! It starts with him answering the phone, heavily fumbling actually connecting with Charlie despite clearly desperately wanting to, and then realizing she's asking him for something and promptly choking on his tea before excitedly telling her, "Yeah! Of course! Anything within my power is yours for the asking, you just name it." He knows that there is a great deal 'within his power,' and he's happy and relieved that he can offer her that!

Lilith has been gone for years but he's still wearing his wedding ring. His walls are still covered in family portraits. He's just been sitting in his room making thousands of rubber ducks he thinks suck instead of ruling hell, because his daughter liked that one duck he made one time.

Charlie needed him to support her in her mission, but damn did Lucifer also need Charlie to get him out and moving and actually doing things again.

Anyway, someone get this man on an SSRI.

[lafamilledelioncourt]

them: he manipulated them, killed their daughter, and fucked their heads. he's the villain! he's a sick twisted villain!

me: the 500+ year old vampire? with severe trauma? and zero support for his very obvious neurodivergence? the child sex slave? the dogmatically groomed prized possession? the cult victim? the 'has to figure out how to please people and blend in to survive and avoid further abuse' character? the 'regimented and desperate for order and sense of purpose so yeah he tries to do the job he is forced into to the letter' coven leader? the 'frequently abandoned, misused, and neglected so clearly he's developed frantic control issues to not lose his only sense of stability and comfort' one?

next day edit: hold on, i'm not done. i'm sitting here at lunch the next day and i really can not shake that some people do not get the point.

it's not that i'm gonna excuse villainous behavior. the tiny gremlin did all that shit, and his ass is gonna go in time out, but TO ME, the whole fucking point of the show is that no one is really the villain.

that's because they are ALL FUCKING AWFUL. all differently bad, all differently broken. the closest thing to a saint we got is madeline, so sure go off calling her the only good one im in agreement, but they are ALL A GODDAMN NIGHTMARE.

the beauty of this entire series, particularly the books for me but i do love the show, is that the nuance and wiggle room between monstrosities and man is the poetry of the story. it is beautiful that these creatures have this tiny gasps of heart and happiness and hope despite who and what they are.

i can scream into the void all week about armand and claudia and daniel bc those are the characters i most identify with bc of my own personal trauma. HOWEVER, that does not take away my ability to see that EVERYONE needs therapy.

put their asses on a vampiric SSRI, tell them to all fuck eachother and get the orgy over with, and then have an honest to god conversation about their feelings.

DAMN.

okay anyway, going back to work.

[sugoi-and-spice]

Do you think we can get a little snippet of shigaraki and spinners drunken conversation about mc? 🫣

Ummm, YESSS?!?!

(Side note, this ended up being a lot more poignant and plot-relevant then I expected so I'll probably clean it up a bit and make it an official half chapter or something.)

“She’s too good for me.”

“That’s true.”

“She should be with Mirio.”

“Oh fuck that!”

“No, she should!”

“Shigaraki.”

Iguchi and Shigaraki laid on the floor, bodies in different directions but heads side by side. They’d long abandoned their controllers, their drivers stuck against a fence and parked in a patch of grass mid-Moo Moo Meadows respectively, as they became far too engrossed in their conversation and intoxication to proceed. If Iguchi had been still holding his controller though, he would’ve promptly thrown it at his friend for the way he was talking.

“It’s true, it’s true! They have so much more in common!” Shigaraki whined, genuinely whined.

“Like what?” Iguchi demanded.

“They both swim. They both have muscles. They’re both pretty…”

“All superficial stuff, man—”

“—and their brains aren’t all fucked.”

“Have you seen the way she laughs during horror movies? I don’t know if that’s entirely true.”

“I’m fucking serious, Spinner. You know me. You know I’m never gonna get better. Not really.”

Iguchi frowned. Because that wasn’t true. He’d seen such amazing improvement from Shigaraki in the last couple months, such a vast development of care, self-awareness, and empathy. He’d come a long long way.

But also, it wasn’t entirely untrue either.

There was something fundamentally broken inside of Tomura Shigaraki. Something that went beyond the warped way he’d been raised and lessons he’d been taught, beyond the abuse and trauma he’d suffered as a child. This was something that had to do with the way he was wired, the way he was born and how he felt things. Iguchi was similar in a lot of ways. And it took a certain level of medical intervention and SSRI’s to get him to a point where he could even start to function. He’d needed serious help, Shigaraki needed serious help.

Iguchi couldn’t say any of that to him though. He couldn’t recommend therapy or medication or support groups, it’d all be rejected, just as it had been many times before. Because even if Shigaraki wanted it, that was a help that All for One would never allow him to find.

So, Iguchi back-tracked to a more fixable problem.

“You’ve said it yourself, Shigaraki. They’re not right together. He stifles her,” Iguchi said, “Even if she’s trying to make things work with Mirio right now, it’s not gonna last forever. She’s a smart person, she’ll know to throw in the towel eventually.”

Shigaraki snorted, “And then what?”

“And then you make your move.”

He shook his head, “No. No even if they break up, I don’t think I can.”

“What’re you, stupid?!” Iguchi demanded, the vodka redbulls shoving his fuzzy irritation to the forefront, “Why the hell wouldn’t you give it an actual try then?!”

“Cause she’s too fucking good for me!” Shigaraki drunkenly wailed.

Iguchi groaned, sitting up so he could take a LARGE gulp of his drink. Shigaraki often made him feel like he needed a drink, but he was testing his nerves now more than ever with this woe as me schtick. Especially since he knew that Shigaraki was gonna pursue her in some stupidly roundabout way anyway.

“She deserves someone healthy. Someone who’s not gonna hurt her,” he turned to look up at Iguchi then, “You should date her.”

Iguchi choked on his drink.

“W-What?! Me?!” he coughed and sputtered.

“Yeah. You guys have way more in common anyway. You like to game and workout. Your parents are both normal, but like, weird, you know?” Shigaraki looked back down to the carpet at his eye level, getting to the real point, “And you’d be good for each other. To each other. Better than I’ve ever been to either of you.”

“That could never happen.”

“Nah, nah, I think she’d go for you! You may be ugly, but she doesn’t care about stuff like that.”

“Dick! That’s not what I meant!” Iguchi snapped with an angry blush, wondering if he should even bother to comfort this bastard after saying something like that.

But then Shigaraki looked up at him with that childlike curiosity of his, and Iguchi couldn’t help but continue.

“I mean that I’d never do that to you. And neither would she.”

Shigaraki snorted, “Why? I’d do it to you.”

Iguchi cocked a brow at him.

“You sure about that?”

Shigaraki’s eyes narrowed, in a way that was clearly meant to be challenging, but was really more poutlike in his whiney drunken state. 

When Iguchi didn’t back down like he expected, Shigaraki just rolled over onto his side with some grumpy grumbling of something like “you don’t know. You don’t know what I’d do.”

Iguchi just chuckled and grabbed Shigaraki’s solo cup, filling it with water this time rather than vodka. 

“...I’m gonna miss those skirts of hers when she goes to college.”

“She wears skirts in her day to day too, doesn’t she?” Iguchi asked, waving the cup in front of Shigaraki’s face.

“They’re not the same,” Shigaraki whined, leaning forward to take a sniff, shaking his head when he smelt the lack of alcohol, “They should make those skirts mandatory at Todai!”

Iguchi nudged him with it insistently, “Yeah. Yeah they should.”

“I’ll get Sensei to do something about it!”

“If you remember to do that after this, I’ll wear one of those skirts.”

[eaymtb]

It's been a while! I am not dead! I do have covid atm though! I'm finally not feeling like warmed over death today, which is nice. So, quick status update: Holy shit it's been a little over 6 weeks since I last actually posted an update about anything, and 7 weeks since the last chapter update. That's.... a lot longer than I realised. Whoops.

This depressive episode is kicking my ass a little, but I'm back on an SSRI now and in regular contact with my amazing doc while we fidget with the dose. Interestingly, I asked to test for either of the MTHFR gene variants since they can impact the body's ability to produce several neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine amongst them), and it turns out that I do have one of them! My levels of folate and B12 are all a-okay though, so it shouldn't be affecting anything, but it's still nice to know. And now I have a few more things to keep an eye on with my annual blood tests. We had a really interesting discussion about it, too, because she didn't actually know how only having one variant would affect things, and she was quite excited about the research she'd been reading up on before my appointment relating to the psychiatric effects of the gene and it's variants. Have I mentioned she's amazing?

Anyway, I caught covid at my last check up where we agreed to the first SSRI dose increase, which is mostly annoying because at the start of the month I was finally feeling well enough to actively try a new thing: Depression Tetris! And I came down with symptoms on the exact day (Friday 9th) that I had planned with a friend to go to a park and find somewhere to sit and do some writing, ha. They have a goal to go for a walk somewhere new that they haven't been at least once a month but they can't drive, while I can and I want to go out new places as both exposure therapy for the agoraphobia and change of environment for the depression, plus outside in fresh air and (hypothetical atm given the weather) sunshine. The universe really said sit your arse back down, though, lol.

I haven't really added any pieces for the past 5 days for obvious reasons, which I'm a little sad about, which is also actually a good sign, since I want to add more tetris pieces, which is also why I'm trying this method in the first place. I can't make myself want to do things in general, but I can make my brain crave shiny little coloured-in squares that I have to fit together in such a way that no two touching pieces are the same colour, which is hilarious. Brains, man.

Anyway, all that to say: I'm okay! Still in a depressive episode but working on it in a variety of ways and I'm incredibly lucky to have some really good supports. Hopefully I'll get back to writing soon. I have at least one little empty 1x1 square I have to fill in where nothing else will fit, after all.

[katt1281]

I’m listening to a DSM-5 audiobook and the narrator just suggested INDUCED SEIZURES as a treatment for depression???? I had to stop the book and double check this really was the edition published in 2013 and not some fucking book from the 30s because. What the hell?? I’ll admit I’m no doctor but I know enough about seizures to know that you generally want to avoid having them! I’m genuinely shocked that they’re suggesting zapping people with electricity as like. The third fucking option. First it was SSRIs, then CBT, and if those don’t work GET IN THE ZAPPING CHAIR WE’RE GONNA FUCK UP YOUR BRAIN (but in a good way don’t worry 😉) like. Is that not something you read about in a history textbook and go ‘haha those old timey doctors don’t know what they’re doing, not like nowadays’ OH WAIT. man I need to research this more maybe there’s a sane and trustworthy explanation for this

[defilerwyrm]

Sorry if you've answered this already but could you tell me a little bit about orgasms with phalloplasty? I'm ftm and have been looking into and doing research on this every once in a while for years. If you're not comfortable with that, could you point me towards some literature about that topic specifically if you're aware of any?

I’ll do both of these at once since they’re very similar!

There are two major factors at play: testosterone and phallo. Gonna pop this under a cut ‘cause this is gonna be very NSFW and very TMI.

I started testosterone cypionate in 2017 after a dud year on T cream. Prior to that, it frequently took me around 45 minutes to get off, if I could at all; sometimes I’d just get too tired, sore, and frustrated to continue. Even then, I’d go as many as five times a day trying to get some degree of satisfaction out of it. After a few months on T (the cypionate variety), that dropped to a pretty reliable 12-15 minutes. So that was most of the heavy lifting done there.

It varied by method, still. Front hole penetration made orgasm harder to achieve; anal penetration made it a LOT easier. But even if it took 30 minutes of prep and 20 minutes to get there, my orgasms were stronger and more satisfying.

After bottom surgery, my libido came back after about a month, but I was still too sore to do anything about it. At one point I got too worked up not to try something, so I used a dildo in the shower, and came like a truck hit me as soon as the damn thing was in. My dick felt like it should’a been glowing there was so much sensation there all at once. Nearly fell over. It was great. It also was a lot briefer than pre-phallo, but frankly with that intensity I did not mind.

About two months post-op I was finally healed up enough to get myself off with penile stimulation, and for a magnificent ~8 months or so I could get off in three minutes flat. They were very similar to how that one in the shower had felt: very bright and vibrant and sudden, with super intense sensation all through my dick and whatever remains of my Skene’s glands (“female” prostate); they took a while to come down from; and one was enough.

Tragically, over time the necessary duration increased back to that 12-15 minutes, but the intensity and satisfaction with just one is still there. Right now I’m on an SSRI that makes it harder to orgasm again but sure as shit doesn’t keep me from getting horned up, but frankly it’s not doing me any good to balance that out so I’m tapering off it.

Same deal with anal penetration. It’s not instant anymore, but it still gets me there PDQ. With those orgasms, if I’m coming just from penetration alone, I feel it more internally than in my dick, but that’s why we have two hands.

Mind you, I don’t know how much of all this is psychosomatic, and bodies vary wildly; this is just one man’s experience.

Dick shaving: carefully, with light pressure, and using a high-quality safety razor designed to flex.

[verdemoun]

In honor of our recent conversations

How's the gang with modern drugs and such? I'll count alcohol into that category. Now that it doesn't Have to be a part of life, it can just be a fun little addition. Who's the first to discover the new options? Fruity drinks and clubs that sell overpriced but spectacular drinks they've never thought possible?

(whos the first to make pot brownies /j)

Does anyone ban alcohol from their household, haunted by memories? Does anyone fall into addiction and is saved by the gang?

tw recreational drug use

Arthur walked into a bar, asked for whatever, and then chuckled with glee upon being served a fruity-ass cocktail he proceeded to scull before realizing it was 2.5 standard drinks. Feeling the immediate sensation of 'I drank that way too fast and am feeling it', he ordered another and marvelled how dangerous it was they could make alcohol taste not only good but delicious. He remembers little else of the night beyond that point, but was assured he ordered three more and then made an ass of himself as usual.

Bill Williamson is the one who actually is a bit of a beer connoisseur. Learning to appreciate and savour different types of beer is, in his opinion, what stopped him from spiraling further into alcoholism. Craft and local beer enthusiast who will actually know about hops and the harvesting of hops. He is very partial to a fruit-infused sour beer. (mango sour my beloved)

Arthur and Charles ban alcohol from the house. Not officially but they try not keep whiskey/spirits in the house because the two of them will finish a bottle in a night and not remember a thing in the morning. They are binge drinkers and they are aware of it.

Karen has a long unending love affair with SSRIs. She needs them to function. She cannot handle life without a drug reminding her brain everything will be okay. On the bright side it reduces her drinking.

Strauss deserves some love he's actually very passionate about spirits, syrups and liqueurs and can recreate virtually any cocktail in his house. Sometimes a man gets home from work and needs to recreate a drink he paid way too much for at a kitschy little bar but make it a triple.

Kieran and Javier attempted to make pot brownies and accidentally hotboxed the house. Bessie got home to the unmistakable smell of weed, Hosea snoring his guts out after being practically glued to the couch, and Javier and Kieran still in the kitchen just eating the brownie mix they didn't bother cooking. They also failed to open the windows so within 10 minutes of trying to help her poor boys + husband she was also very high and ordered pizza. Annabelle had to come babysit them all.

Davey convinced Mac to do poppers one night when they were out at a bar. Mac proceeded to have a panic attack while coming down and sent a frantic 'in case i die i think i love you' to Bill. Bill, who was several hours away, also panicked and asked Hosea to go find them. Mac got kicked out of the bar and was so emotional he actually hugged Hosea meanwhile Davey was calling him a pansy.

While not a timewarper Mary-Beth ended up having a bit of a laudanum habit after being prescribed it to help her sleep. In 1911 after hearing what happened to Bill, Javier, Dutch and then John, she found herself both heartbroken for the gang but also suffering with anxiety and paranoia that she would be outed as a former VDL and hunted down the same. She ended up very much addicted and reuniting with Reverend, both as an old friend who was also very saddened by the end of the gang but also helped her sort her shit out. Some say you can still find laudanum bottles hidden around Shady Belle.

[autism-swagger]

Tara headcanons :3

(it's literally just angst. Blame @lionydoorin for making me have Tara thoughts)

She can't stand the smell of cooking meat anymore. It reminds her of Amber.

After Sam left, there wasn't anyone buying groceries on a regular basis. She never starved, but there were many occasions where she went to bed hungry.

She doesn’t remember most of the night her dad left (or even the man himself for that matter). She tried to grab him as he was leaving, but he shoved her off. She slammed her head on the corner of the wall really hard, and ended up with a scar on her forehead, chronic psychosomatic migraines, and tinnitus.

She'll avoid going to the hospital unless she absolutely has to. Not only does it reminds her of being attacked, she was also a really sick kid, and she spent a lot of her childhood hospitalized. Even just going to the doctor stresses her out.

She's like. 70% stress and anxiety at any given moment. Seriously somebody get this girl some SSRIs before she has a heart attack.

Her leg and hand have permanent nerve damage, and her entire left arm is kind of fucked up after 6. She has a semi-permanent arm brace, a cane for her leg, and a whole lot of chronic pain.

Christina had a revolving door of boyfriends, and would bring them home sometimes. They were almost always awful to Tara.

She really misses Amber sometimes. She never tells anyone.

[getinthehandbasket]

Stucky Fic recs for GFFA

@gffa do I have recs for you! Disclaimer: these are *all* coming from my bookmarks, which are absolutely filled with porn and other filth. Feel free to roam there as you please. I know you (probably) won't judge me.

First, we start with individual "fix-it" or "fix-it"-like fics.

everest by mcwho Rating: Explicit 904 words Tags: Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Drabble, Dirty Talk, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, that last tag undersells it i need something like, Steve Rogers is Fucking Filthy, Name-Calling, Top Steve Rogers, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Multiple Orgasms Summary: Three O's in, and Bucky can’t quite remember which way is up anymore. Or, Steve gives and gives and Bucky takes it.

The Life of Bucky Barnes by stephrc79 Rating: Mature 292,199 words Tags: Fluff and Angst, Domestic Fluff, Gun Violence, Nightmares, Standard Stucky life issues, recovery bucky, post-CATWS, boys being little shits, sorta kinda NSFW, don't even mention the peen, violence against MC, Blood, past mention of mental instability, past mention of wanting death, but that last one is brief, and this is Recovery!Bucky, it's kind of expected, Spiders, mention of spiders, but only for three chapters Summary: The ongoing story behind the pictures from the Instagram The Life of Bucky Barnes. This work is a series of ficlets that tells the story of each picture. As each chapter progresses, it will encompass one or two of the images, how they appear chronologically. These are inspired works for petite-madame with her blessing.

Thank God for PR by Cimorene105 Rating: Explicit 37,886 words 14 works Tags: too many to list Summary: Steve and Bucky make some startling discoveries about each other on live TV. From there, it becomes a happy struggle to fit even more of each other into their daily lives.

Good Boy by triedunture Rating: Explicit 13,473 words Tags: Collars, Dom/sub Play, Multiple Orgasms, Exhibitionism, Body Worship, Master/Pet, Petplay, Hair-pulling, Hair Kink, Bathing/Washing, Praise Kink, Kink Negotiation Summary: Bucky is still adjusting to life with the Avengers, and Steve is willing to do whatever it takes to make him feel comfortable. Increasingly, though, what seems to make him comfortable is strangely intimate.

Surprise, Steve! You're a gentle dom and Bucky wants to be your pretty pet!

A Fucking Written Invitation by chaya, Desdemon Rating: Explicit 9,563 words Tags: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Natasha Romanov, Tony Stark, Sam Wilson (Marvel), Bruce Banner, Pepper Potts, Clint Barton, UST, Dubcon Kissing Summary: "Jesus, Steve, I just had to explain to a ninety-something year old ex-killer that it was normal to have dreams and wake up with unusual physical attributes and, and listen, we have to get him a male GP, a, a man, because when I asked him why he hadn't just called her to discuss this he looked at me like I'd suggested he slap her in the face."

Alternate titles: "It's Just You". "Steve Rogers Can't Get a Goddamned Clue". "SSRIs and You". "Steve, Natasha is Going to Hit You". "Buying a Clue". "Steve's Clue-Field is Barren".

(slight tw for a non-con makeout moment.)

i was found and now i don't roam these streets by hipsterchrist Rating: Mature 15,913 words Tags: Bucky Bear, Team Dynamics, Team Bonding, Friendship, Therapy, Hospitals, Medical, Illnesses, Minor Character Death, Child Death, Teddy Bears, New York City, Canon-Typical Violence, Children, Self-Esteem Issues, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Feels, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier Summary: They’ve decided to start producing Bucky Bears again, now that he’s all shiny and redeemed and fighting for good on this big Avengers misfits team. "He has a little shiny gray arm," Bucky says, wiggling the stuffed arm in question, one of the tweaks made in the new model. It takes Steve a second to realize that Bucky’s got a small smile on his face, actually looks a little bit proud around the eyes.

Or, Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds.

Handling Wants by eclecticxdetour Rating: Explicit 5,063 words Tags: Rimming, Barebacking, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Bottom Steve Summary: As the asset, desire was nonexistant. As Bucky Barnes, he's unsure how to deal with being allowed to want.

All the First Times by Vee (Vera_DragonMuse) Rating: Mature 9,694 words Tags: Recovery, rebuilding the self, from the ground up, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier Summary: Bucky starts over and finds new ways to survive.

Next, I offer links to my bookmarks, filtered in various ways:

Bucky/Steve, no other pairings with those two. Includes dark fic, non-fix-it, AUs, etc.

Bucky/Steve, including them in other pairings or OT3s- mostly Steve/Darcy/Bucky in various configurations

All Marvel fics*

All my bookmarks - if you wanna judge me pls do it in your inside-your-head voice lol *the link errored out when I tried to exclude *all* other fandoms that aren't Marvel. If it's still erroring out, let me know and I'll re-include some other fandoms and you can just skip those.

[micahweissberg]

full name: zevi micah weissberg

nicknames: mikey, doc (his mom only), zm, zeems, zeemo

age: 29 (october 25, 1994)

zodiac sign: scorpio

gender/pronouns: cis man, he / him

sexual orientation: bisexual

hometown: manhattan, ny

occupation: comedian / part-time law student / intern at weissberg law firm

financial status: middle class (though his family is upper class)

current residence: an apartment in cardinal hill

time in blue harbor: since april 2024

family: saul weissberg (father), terry lowenstein (mother), cassie westwood (ex-stepmother), thalia edwards (ex-stepmother).

significant others: none.

trigger warnings: depression, brief mention of medication and drugs.

micah was born into wealth and prestige, the kind that, as an only child, he just sort of had to live up to. his parents divorced when he was young and was mainly raised by his mother.

micah thought the world of saul weissberg, though, and considered him a hero in many regards. each time he came to visit (sporadic as these visits might be) was like a holiday in itself, though he never stayed long and always had something urgent to take care of. more urgent than spending time with his son, apparently, but for a while, these glimpses of his father just made them all the more special.

until he grew older, and at some point beyond the tenth birthday party no-show and the thousandth missed call, micah no longer considered his father’s flakiness special but more irresponsible.

it was lonely to be a weissberg (perhaps this is why his father had married twice more after his mother), a malady that, fortunately, was not unique to a single human being on the planet, but it sure did feel like it. micah always had trouble relating to his peers, found that his interests were too niche for kids his age. despite his family’s status, he was not spared from the bullying and the scathing remarks about his appearance: he was frequently likened to a certain french mouse with a penchant for the culinary arts and by the time he was in eighth grade, he was already standing at six feet but barely had any meat on his bones.

his humor was also dark and dry and grotesque, though humor was a tool that he often used to self-medicate with. in the golden age of the internet, this meant youtube videos and blog posts that were never meant to be seen by kids at school but had somehow become lunchtime entertainment, for better or worse.

(often, it was for worse)

you’re a real comedian, his mother had said to him in the car after teachers and several parents at a pta meeting had raised concerns regarding her son’s alarming behavior online and how this was affecting the other kids. growing pains was all she’d attributed it to, and had too much pride to consider the recommendation that micah speak to a professional to help cope.

it was a suspiciously broken leg after a particularly rough day at school (according to micah’s best friend, who also suggested that it was decidedly not from falling down the stairs but refused to say more) that had prompted his mother to have him see a therapist, who referred him to a psychiatrist, who had put the boy on adderall and SSRIs at sixteen. his mother wasn’t one to judge, not with her own prescription of xanax in the medicine cabinet.

it helped him get through the rest of high school, though. the youtube videos and the blog posts also stopped the second he got into college, where he found more like-minded company, created new memories, experimented with relationships and substances (he'd once even bought coke from the same dealer his father used to back in the day after the guy recognized his last name). he was brought out of his shell and got involved in more extracurriculars, his favorite one being the humor publication on campus where he eventually became editor-in-chief.

graduating with a bachelor’s degree in english, however, was like arriving at a cul-de-sac, not much different from the street he’d grown up in, and there was no other way but to turn back around. his accomplishments in college didn’t seem to matter in the real world — who cares about a college humor magazine, anyway?

ironically, it was during a depressive episode that he decided he would go to law school. which was fitting, considering he associated the field with his father, who was yet another depressing thought. while a career in comedy was something he kept in the back of his mind, he considered being a lawyer as another form of standup. besides, he thought this might make him more relevant to his father. maybe, if he was a lawyer, the man would no longer take forever to return his calls.

so off to law school he went, as many weissberg men did before him. it was a miserable three years that, on what was supposed to be his last two semesters, pushed this particular weissberg to the brink of sanity and had a rather public meltdown on campus.

the time he took off was supposed to be a break, a recovery period. however, his spontaneous decision to go backpacking across europe and asia for a year had him effectively withdrawing from the institution.

the clarity this trip afforded him upon his return to new york allowed him to pursue that career as a standup comedian he’d always been dreaming of. he started posting videos on his old youtube page again, made content on social media, performed at open mics, networked with a bunch of other comedians he’d perform at bars with until he was getting paid to do the kind of work he was passionate about.

but it wasn’t going to be enough, not for a while, and he didn’t know how long this could sustain him, especially with his mother's passive aggressive reminders that he could do much better. he wasn’t getting any gigs for a while, which he later discovered was on purpose after he was confronted by the other comedians that he just wasn’t up to par with the lineup they put on.

this sent him into another downward spiral, a reckless cross-country bender that landed him in the ER with a broken arm. returning to his childhood home with his tail tucked between his legs, he finally followed his parents’ advice to finish law school (it was nice to see them both agreeing on something for once) and intern for his father in his law firm in illinois.

HEADCANONS.

micah is a grandma in a 29-year old man's body. he enjoys old music and loves craftsy, nature-y hobbies like knitting, crocheting, embroidering, gardening, hiking, and bird-watching. he also loves all things vintage; most of his clothes are thrifted and he makes 'real' mixtapes with a tape deck.

he went under the online moniker 'doczeem' when he first started posting comedy videos on youtube in high school as his friends used to call him 'ZM'. when doing standup, he uses the stage name zm weissberg.

his 'comedy claims' are john mulaney and nick kroll, but more deadpan and awkward. he's still finding his voice tbh.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

roommate , micah currently resides in blue harbor with a roommate. i imagine the two (or three) have very different personalities. micah is a bit aloof and awkward and has a few peculiar habits that his roommate might have to get used to, but once you coax him out of his shell, he has much to offer by way of conversation and is just a fun, chill guy to hang out with.

first friend , besides his father (the charming mr. saul weissberg) and his father's most recent ex-wife, thalia, micah doesn't really know anyone in blue harbor. upon first meeting, this person would've known that micah needed help getting around and has since then become micah's unofficial tour guide around town.

father's clients , since starting an internship at his father's firm, saul weissberg's clients will often find his son at the front desk (side by side with his father's secretary) making cheeky and sassy remarks at future divorcees and heirs of blue harbor.

tinder/grindr dates , micah often utilizes the app to meet people, though hasn't had much luck in the long-term relationship front, resulting in many nights ending in disappointment. so, most of the time he just uses it to hook up and manages his expectations.

people who watch his standup / people who work at a bar he performs at , micah does standup at local bars that host open mic nights. perhaps these are people who perform their own material (could be music or something else!), bar regulars, or even people who work there!

[owlbelly]

man i can't stop thinking about that antidepressant post going around (this is really long & not happy)

the one that started out as someone comparing taking their SSRI to taking insulin or thyroid medication, & turned into other people linking all the studies showing that the serotonin deficiency / "chemical imbalance" theory of depression has been pretty well debunked & that doctors/scientists don't really understand how a lot of psych medication works, particularly SSRIs, so you can't really compare taking a medication for something your body actually physically lacks or that's correcting a chemically measurable problem to taking a psych med that isn't doing either of those things (no one is measuring your brain chemicals & there's no agreed upon baseline for something like seratonin - a re-uptake inhibitor isn't making you make any more of it either it's just prolonging its effects in your system)

like. idk. i understand that the science is demonstrably faulty & that advertising campaigns for medications are the reason the popular conception of innate "chemical imbalance" persists even among doctors! this is not new information to me & it's obviously critical to talk about it & continue to do research.

but i also feel like there has got to be a way to talk about it that doesn't implicitly shame or, idk, outright deny the experience of people for whom taking SSRIs has been life-improving or even life-saving? "this stuff doesn't work the way they tell you it does" is one thing, but it so quickly seems to turn into "this stuff doesn't do anything at all (except hurt you)" which is...literally just not true. we can question whether or not medication is the best choice for someone, we can criticize the intersection of capitalism & medicine that's resulted in poorly understood medication with serious side effects being pushed through to sales, we can talk about how structural/societal change would help most of us MUCH more, etc. etc.

but for some people nothing else works, or nothing else works without an additional boost, or nothing else is accessible (which is fucked). these are shit circumstances. idk i think the wording on that post was like "it's fine if you feel like they help you but don't spread this misinformation about depression as a chemical imbalance" & i guess "it's fine if you feel like they help you" always reads to me as "okay sweetie, you have the right to enjoy your poison placebo." clearly they fucking do help sometimes. we don't know how exactly & we should be concerned about lying corporations & shitty institutions, but like...some people are clearly getting results from them. not all of them good results! but good enough that we can function & live, otherwise we wouldn't take them.

lmao maybe i just don't know how to not feel like shit about any discussion of SSRIs, since i have taken them longer than almost anyone i know (almost 25 years) & from a young enough age that they've possibly shaped the development of my brain in ways that no one really understands & the side effects have definitely shaped my life & i have never been able to function without them! maybe i never will be able to now. was it wrong for them to be prescribed to me in the first place? idk i was pretty set on being dead at that point. maybe i would have been okay, maybe not. i've tried to taper off them multiple times, both with doctor supervision & without. it fucking sucks & i stop feeling like living. should i do it again & stick it out to the point of wanting to die because "depression isn't actually a chemical imbalance" & i am just a duped pawn of big pharma?

or am i SSRIs Georg now, who has been taking Prozac for a quarter of a century & does have a resulting "chemical imbalance" & is an outlier, should not have been counted

sorry i hate this i hate being both critical of & also dependent on psych meds, i hate the way everyone talks about it. people who are pro-meds always act like no one is ever forced to take them or stigmatized for not taking them & that the science around them is clear-cut, people who are anti-meds always talk like there's no stigma around taking psych medication (lmao! even antidepressants!) & also like they're just shit placebos for idiots.

i super hate not knowing what 25 years of SSRIs has done to my body & also being pants-shittingly terrified of trying to remove them from my life. it all fucking blows i just want to see a little more compassion for all of us trying to survive here in whatever way we can

[foxlightwill]

i think i said this but i finally found a PCP who listens to me and actually treats me with respect like a real person, not just another patient or case study.

there was even one appointment a couple months ago when i started getting depressed so i got angry and went off on her. i really didn’t mean to, i just got so angry and was arguing with her because she didn’t feel like chantix (the drug to stop smoking) was good for me because last time i was on it i ended up hospitalized.

but like, usually when i reach this point, i start getting called “uncooperative” and a problem. ive been threatened with security and the police, one clinic called the police on me but i got out of there before they showed up, i’ve been banned from three clinics, been discharged with no help.

but she remained very calm. she was firm, but calm, and she said “i’ve always listened to you, i take everything you say seriously.” and for some reason i just started crying, saying i was sorry, and told her how stressed out i was, and she was very comforting and nice.

i told her the appointment last week, how when i get depressed i get angry. i told her that’s why i get diagnosed with disorders i don’t have. i just have had issues for so long i feel empty and tired and i get angry and lash out, i don’t cry much or want to kill or hurt myself. i just… basically exist and do nothing while being anxious and angry about everything. i explained thats why i didn’t want to see a psychiatrist, they overdiagnose and i end up on like five medicines, completely overmedicated.

and she *respected* that and respected my request for an SSRI instead of an SNRI, even understood the role of norepinephrine and acknowledged it can increase anxiety and irritability for some like i was describing.

she even prescibed me some diazepam (valium) for a few days, didn’t accuse me of being drug seeking and understood that concern like “yeah, you don’t even want to ask! just forget it, you know?” the valium REALLY helped.

i also told her i was a trans man. she came in confirming the testosterone that came up on my prescriptions was mine and i blurted out i was trans. she went, “oh!” and told me women use it for other reasons too and she wasn’t even going to ask because she figured it was private, and just wanted to make sure it hadn’t been an error, but she’s been very cool about it.

i really like her a lot. she’s has more respect for me more than 99% of psych professional i’ve seen. she genuinely listens and wants to help her patients. this kind of care is so rare here, it’s the poor rural south. i really got lucky.

[ssruis]

31, 33, 34, 49, and 50 for the pjsk ask game :3

31. Favorite event?

Oh man this changes All The Time… for non mixed events it’s probably a tie btwn it’s on wonder halloween/smile of a dreamer/OHE but I feel like once I get more caught up or have to reread an event for analysis my mind will change again

33. Favorite mixed unit event?

Let’s Study Hard is so peak... Incredible mizuki and an moments. Mizuki/Rui enjoying themselves at school. Akito is in hell (always funny). Toya consistently being hysterical. All the card stories are fantastic. Tsukasa fail moment. Nene is even there for a little bit. Kamiyama crew my beloveds.

Special shout-out to doll festival (tenmas my beloveds) & pandemonium (self explanatory) which are also favorites

34.Mixed event lineup you want?

+ I want an emu/tsukasa/minori/saki/kanade event so badly… I think putting kanade in an event with 4 people who genuinely do not have an off switch is the funniest idea ever.

+ I also really want an event with the leaders.

+ an emu/airi/mizuki/Luka/saki event (pink gang)

+ or a toya/shiho/nene/kanade/niigo kaito event where there’s like. 3 words said. They all just Vibe.

+ an event with tsukasa/shizuku/an/akito (+ any other character who is competent just not like. Academically.) where they have to do a trivia competition or some other intellectual event & it’s shaking up to be a huge flop but they all pull through with their different areas of knowledge

+ event with a bunch of random characters but NOT tsukasa. and they all meet amami seiichi but have zero idea who he is. Tsukasa hears about this and dies inside.

+ siblings event…

49. a hc that came out of nowhere and has no basis in canon but it's ingrained into your understanding/portrayal of the character?

Mostly inconsequential hcs here & if any of them are contradicted in canon uhh no they aren’t </3

+ Rui on ssris is both incredibly inconsequential and also canon. To me.

+ Emu and Tsukasa both have adhd but Emu is unmedicated (& doesn’t really need to be she has systems that work)

+ rui sleeps curled up like a cat, Tsukasa sleeps sprawled out like a star fish, emu clings onto whatever’s closest when she sleeps, and nene sleeps on her back with her arms folded over her chest like a corpse.

+ I saw someone say they had the hc that tsukasa chose his room because he likes to see/hear that other people are home and that stuck with me

+ emu is scary capable of starting a long conversation with anyone like she’s incredibly good at figuring out what you’re interested in/can ramble about and asking you questions about it. This actually has basis in canon but I like to remind people.

+ I think I’ve talked abt it on here before but I think tsukasa having a fictional character crush on the normal virtual singer kaito when he was younger & not realizing it is an incredibly funny idea. He’s like “yeah idk why I just used to really like the character. Whatever (doesn’t analyze this further even when the wxs sekai manifests).” Wxs Kaito knows this but he’s not saying shit because it’s not relevant anymore but it DOES make him side eye tsukasa incredibly hard whenever tsukasa is like “these must be normal best friend feelings I’m feeling towards rui.”

+ technically rin and len being twins is a head canon but I’m sorry that’s so stupid they’re twins to me

+ nene experiences gamer rage. Wxs operate under the assumption that she doesn’t really get Super Angry until they’re at her house and see her die to a boss in a fromsoft game/fail a platforming section for the 30th time and she’s Seething.

+ mmj could survive if they got stranded in the wilderness. Would they make it back to civilization though? Only if they don’t trust shizuku with directions.

+ emu & mizuki fashion buddies… gestures at area convo where mizuki is like she seems like she has good taste. I also just want them to be closer friends.

+ rui listens to video essays/informational podcasts/documentaries while he works and this is (partially) how he’s gained so much knowledge about random topics

+ saki is capable of making the most intricate woven string bracelets of all time & will make them for her loved ones based on their interests.

+ shizuku can play “old people” games (mahjong, mancala, etc) scarily well… don’t play against her or you’ll lose…

50. A hot take?

I think I say my hot takes often & without any restraint so it’s hard to throw one out that I haven’t mentioned before uhh

+ fanbase has a misogyny problem. Who’s shocked (no one). Not even a hot take but I see a lot of people get mad when this is said like. please look up what an implicit bias is.

+ I don’t trust people who only talk about tsukasa with any character takes (including ones about tsukasa they straight up Do Not Get Him) because they’re incapable of viewing other characters outside of their relationship to him. I also don’t trust them in general & find them irritating. & this is coming from someone who talks abt him a lot.

+ you Need To Interact With The Canon Text because if you rely solely on how the fanbase portrays characters you’re going to walk away with the completely wrong characterization. Also the stories are good so you should really be doing that anyways.

+ actually very unhelpful and irritating to reduce female characters down to like one trait and then pretend you’re a fan of them bc 90% of the time the trait is wrong. Nene for example I see so many bad takes on because people think she’s a girl boss (???) 24/7 hater (??????) who never says anything nice about her friends (??????????)