#get ready for even more new scenes and twists on old familiar ones

[missmarveledsblog]

A little something unexpected (Jake Seresin x Reader)

Summary: a routine shopping trip leads to something something unexpected for a certain blonde aviator .

warning: fluffy , goofy , jakes new to the simp life but hes not complaining . not proof read ( Soz )

( just realised i haven't done any hangman oneshots so here's one)

In the unknown of life it can throw curveballs , unexpected courses throughout life that  test whether you go through with it or not .  Like talking to a stranger in a bar , crossing the road at the wrong or right time , changing plans at the last minute, all things not expected but can cause a big or little outcome . Jake Seresin didn’t realize such an occasion was going to happen as he was grocery shopping one sunday morning. He didn’t know he was going to be changed in such a way it would alter his life in such a way .  He was going aisle to aisle getting and checking off his list , he may have shot  a few smiles and winks at the women he passed getting his various produce and products .  It was normal , part of his Sundays since he’s been stationed permanently in San Diego . turning corner as a women check him out shamelessly but it was his favorite  kind , then again he like whether they took charge or not once they left the next morning.  He was a hound dog , not yet ready to settle down just wasn’t in the cards for him and he was more than ok with that . he  wasn’t looking for love or so he thought  then he look up saw a scene before him  , she was beautiful , stunning and everything he didn’t know was real  only in some sort of movie or magazine . their was a familiar feeling to the woman he was looking at , maybe she was famous seen her in some movie at some point in life. But she was standing crossed arms looking completely unamused at the man before her , some sap trying to put the moves on ,jake thought or couples quarrel . 

“ come on stop playing hard to get “ the man almost whine same time as jake rolled his eyes , she did the same. 

“ i ain’t interested so why don’t you get on stop bugging me “ she huffed walking off or least trying to until the man grabbed her arm that when jake stood taller , chest out  ready to intervene help the pretty lady out . he  was hound dog in the sense he slept around but he never would pressure or alone put his hands on a woman .  Ready  to intervene and save the day  but before he could even step forward  she grab the man quickly having him now pressed up against the shelf hand twisted behind his back  before jake could even speak . 

“ let go of me you crazy bitch “ he squealed trying to get out of her grasp whole thing was amusing granted she was tiny compared to both him and the man she had in her hold .

“ don’t grab strangers or they grab back  now i’ll let you go and you’ll be on your way or i can hold you til the cops come sugar it’s all up to you “ she smiled sweetly .

“ first one “ the man pained out almost whisper as she did just that and watched him walking off  slightly impressed with the outcome til she realised she had an audience one a little old lady and another was a face she didn’t think she would see ever again . 

“ well done you show him “ the little old lady almost cheered before heading off . 

“ jake seresin ?” she called making him freeze . 

“ you know me ?” he asked confused she was familiar but not in the known familiarity sort of sense of things , cluing to scramble every inch of his brain to think of how he knew her , was she past flame but then again if he did go there he would remember her definitely. 

“ it’s y/n “ she laughed suddenly more closer and everything clicking into place , she was his best friend back homes little sister although she wasn’t little anymore. The former wildchild who wore baggy clothes getting trouble constantly of her escapades infairness jake barely saw her , she was either up in her room , sneaking out or out causing trouble.  She was always pretty but it was always an off limits sort of thing plus she was never interested in her brother or his friends jake was one of em . 

“ well trouble what hell you doing here” he smirked . 

“ was trying to shop you know it’s a grocery store”  . 

“ funny i mean san diego smart ass” he shook his head. 

“ well lets walk and talk  big guy  i ain’t causing a traffic jam “she walked. “ to answer you question i moved her last year for work , i am now a  nurse more specifically an ER nurse where all the action is , i’m guessing your stationed here ?” she asked . 

“ sure am ma’am ,  can’t believe your a nurse though?” he chuckled .

“ should seen my mama’s face when i told her i wanted to be one she thought i’d finally lost it but hell no one expected me pull it off except my big brother  mikey he always believes in me “ she smiled . 

“ hows big mike now haven’t talked to him since in a couple years, i know he married i missed the wedding because  i was deployed”. 

“ he’s got like five little one like she just kept going one after another “ she shook her head amusement filled her tone. “ but he loves dad life and he’s deputy on the force badge and all “ . 

It was so natural to fall into the conversation with her , more easier than anyone he’s met ,  reminiscing over the past and filling in the gaps  and present to the point he felt a little disappointed when they were heading out the store , swapping number did help stop the disappointment  , knowing the conversation could still continue. It was strange to say the least a normal routine moment leading to more as they parted ways  .  still there was something  there , something he couldn’t place his finger on  that was lingering after she left but he knew he had to see her again that was for certain .  heading home and yet she was all that he could think about , even stepping out and heading into his house, usually waving over a scantily clad housewife across housewife but he completely ignored her presence as he headed into his house  . 

It would be weeks before he would see her again  giving her busy schedule and his own the meet up was something very hard to maintain yet still keeping in contact he felt like teenager waiting for his crush to respond was that what this feeling was . Standing  at the dart board ready to take rooster money once more even he was starting to feel sorry but hey he asked for the rematch.  He wasn’t paying attention to the bell ringing above the door , it was when he started hearing the low whistles . 

“ christ on a bike “ was all he heard from the hawaiian shirt wearing man following  who suddenly wasn’t caring about the money he was losing , his gaze set completely else where only for jake to follow .  He stopped in his track , he himself was less caring of taking his fellow aviators money .  She stood out , of course her friend were pretty good looking women but shit she was breathtaking , she took his breath away that was for sure. The little black dress , boots and leather jacket all simple pieces of clothing and yet on her looked like  she was ready for a run way or glamorous photo shoot .  he watched the way her head fell back laughing at whatever her friends where talking about .It like she could sense his eyes ,  her connecting and smile bright on her face as she mouth a hi and  little wiggle of her fingers  in a wave .  his throat was dry but hell his mouth was watering . 

“ shit they have to be lost” was all rooster said as he made his way to the bar offering his services to the ladies if needed .  another new thing was the way his jaw clenched when roosters hand extended to her , the flirty grin and whatever he was saying had her laughing away.  Jealousy wasn’t a new feeling for jake, he was man enough to admit   it ( to himself and never out loud ) . But he was never jealous of a women attention  , usually he would just move on or get her attention his way . but now he watching his friend and a face from his past that he couldn’t shake like she permanently inserted herself into his brain .  then they were coming over , men watching the group of girl sauntering over to the familiar spot that was occupied by the famous dagger squad .  he watched as rooster introduced each of the girls to  his friend . 

“ i know hangman ,  we go way back “ her voice god it beat any melody of his  favorite songs . 

“ that we do darling “ he flashed flirty grin of  his own. 

“ we grew up  in the same town actually him and my big brother were best friends at one stage “ she explained to the perplexed face of her own friends and his  .

“ oh so was jake always well this or was he awkward secret nerd before .. please tell me he was a pip squeak  who couldn’t get lad “  nat perked up .

“ nah he and my brother were  ladies men , completely the star of everyone’s eyes including the women of our town  “she rolled her eyes as he had a beaming smile . 

“ i can see why he and you brother total heart throb material “ her friend mia purred and yet it was easy she was already showing the blonde the go but his eyes were solely fix on y/n .   the whole night he was following her every word it was like she was the only woman in the bar and in his eyes she was . even his friends were a little shocked at the  behavior of their friend . her friends gave up on pursuing the man well most of them did mia on the other hand seemed to be determined to get the blonde eye shedding  layers pulling her dress up a little more show off her legs or down to show cleavage and t was getting anyone but jake seresins .   she giggled louder and talked more lewdly  the dagger squad stood confused , while y/n friends looked slightly embarrassed  what they didn’t know was the seemly secret need to be better than y/n , mia goal to be the one who performed better , got everything that y/n wanted , she wasn’t a friend not really .  not that y/n cared it or took notice it was really one sided  , she was happy with her life , a job although stressful but worth it she enjoyed it most parts but came with hard times .  she  had boyfriends but never stayed around something never clicked not like it did with jake seresin which well was strange . not in sense she didn’t find he wasn’t attractive because even knew it  , it was more they were such different people back then  probably now too. Texting was fun , catching up was best. Someone from home here in san diego was something they both could enjoy. 

The night was going well other than the glares from her so called friend but other than that she and her other friends were having a great time she found them great bunch of people even being invited to other nights out if she was available . she hopped of the seat headed to the seat jake was at the bar getting more drinks while she was standing at juke box punching in the keys two heading to the group at same time as slow ride because booming throughout the speakers. Every single one of the dagger squad huffing and sighing.   

“ really bag man” nat groaned rubbing her temples . 

“ hey this good song but this time , it wasn’t me i was at the bar” he chuckled raising his drink in one hand and handing y/n a bottle of beer . 

“ actually this ones on me , it’s one of my favorite songs “ she winced . 

“ yeah totally good song” mia cheered. 

“ you told her turn it off earlier “ clara , one of y/n arched her brow. 

“ actually yeah you said you hated it” emma snorted . 

“  she only likes it because blondey , does even though blondey  isn’t haven’t having a bar of her” izzy scoffed starting to get annoyed a pick me mia . “ probably because y/n likes him is why she wants him “ she let slip . 

“ not true at all “  mia whined . 

“ yeah it is , why you come you don’t even like us or y/n “ izzy probed . 

“  i like you guys  , where is this coming from … not my fault y/n boyfriend came on to me that time “ she shook her head . 

“ wait what ??” y/n face fell . 

“  what it was just one time or two .. maybe it was three  relax it meant nothing  plus you dumped him so like chill , come on you get everything  let me have that and stop hogging his attention “ mia whined completely like she had done nothing wrong. 

“ she aint hogging my attention actually in fact i’m hogging hers  hope you girls don’t mind i’m gonna steal her to “ he looked to the others who couldn’t help have shit eating grin. 

“ enjoy “ izzy smirked  waving as jake pulled her hand waving to penny a silent he would pay his tab next day.  She on other hand was quiet  not the usual way she was before trying  to think back and it all clicking .  she heard the bell ring and a yell of mia screaming  “ come on “ as jake looked to see the woman pouting pulling her phone off the bar and round of cheers, an instant karma not to the point it really measures but hey it was a start .  

He brought her down the beach still some light of the bar illuminating in a sense but not too much it disturbed the beauty of the night . how the moonlight reflected on the ocean , the sound of waves crashing  such calm compared to the storm that was nearly brewing in the hard deck .  He realized the fact he was still holding her hand only this time her fingers where intertwined with his and he could stop thinking how perfect  they fit like two pieces of a puzzle .   they didn’t talk , like  the unspoken words spoke volumes enjoying the silence and each others company til she shivered once more then wordlessly he lead them off the beach towards his truck . unlocking  it opening the passenger side as she hoped in , all not a word spoken from their mouths but the eyes told each other everything.  All that was running through jakes mind was how perfect she fit in his life in different ways , like how perfect she was sat in his truck . taking the hoodie from the backseat handing it to her a whisper of “ thanks “ spilling from her lips . this was new this was something he hadn’t experience in a long time .  the drive was different somehow  but it was almost routine.  Driving pretty girl home but this wasn’t just any pretty girl it was y/n . She was different  , everything about his feelings were different to what he was used to. The fact he like seeing her in his clothes or at his side.  Pulling up to her house he didn’t want it to end not the night , not her company , it all . 

“ you wanna come in for a drink or coffee”  seemly she was feeling the same the long forgotten drama of a jealous friend  to the fact she was solely in trance from the blonde aviator that sat beside her. 

“ yeah i’d like that “  he smiled hoping out of the car jogging to her side and holding his hand out to help her out of the car .  once more fingers intertwined walking up toward the  house , something even in the exterior felt homely , flowers that sat perfectly  around the deck in a weird sense reminded him of home  in texas ,  she opened the door throwing her keys in the bowl her hand still in his only for jake to puller her spinning her into  his arms , a yelp and giggle spilling from her lips man he loved that sound , tipping her face up with his free hands leaning down so close he could hear her breathe hitch , he could feel how close it was  all he had to do was do it  , just move that little bit that would connect his lips to her plump pillow soft lips .  the nervous feeling in his was definitely new one , had him frozen almost looking into her eyes watching him closely only  to be the one  to  be the one to take that step , that one push that had her lips on his. Instantly the nervous feelings gone his hand gone straight to her hair pulling her closer if it was possible . never had he felt a kiss like it , one that  had him lost , one that had him addicted  just one touch  like  it was his sole source  of living . her lips perfect against his , her hand on his chest sliding up and around his head  , her own tilting for new angle to deepen the kiss . the way his tongue dance with her own , tasting each other  like it was only thing in the world even the need for air wasn’t a  thought when the two so lost in each other . until it was pulling back both breathlessly looking at the other , the smile appearing on their faces .  lifting her up he could feel the vibration of her laugh matching his own  giving directions  around the house in between pecks and sensual kisses , nothing was rushed .   nothing was pushed and exceeded  his own need , no jake wanted to take his time , he wanted to burn this moment into his memory  . the feeling of her in his arms still swallowed by his hoody or the feeling of her soft skin on her legs on  the palm of his hands .  her taste , the way she was looking at him it was all something that he didn’t want to stop not ever .  

That moment of confusion when  he began to stir , the scent of somewhere else  , the feel of somewhere else . eyes cracking open to see the morning sun settling in the room , turning to find the bed empty .  brows scrunched together  as rubbed the sleep out of his eyes til he could hear the muffled voice coming from behind the door . a smirk on his lips as he got out of bed grabbing his underwear , his shirt somewhere missing could find it later .  following the sound of the voice , taking in her home something that was missed the night previous the way it felt cozy , the way it felt like home laced in the wall . how he could picture himself coming home from a long day and just something simple as sitting with her wrapped in his arms eating take out . 

“ is that jake seresin “ a voice called as he walked into the kitchen , a familiar voice one he’s spent his whole childhood until he went to the naval academy . 

“ hey mikey “ he wince not realizing he just interrupted a family facetime  while in his underwear . 

“ it is hey y’all catch up while i finish this “ she smirked , amused at his reaction  or how heated his cheeks where. 

“  hey Mikey , how are you man “ he winced walking closer taking her phone in his hands so he wasn’t exposing much of  himself to his childhood friend while standing in said  friend little sisters kitchen .  

“ breakfast will be awhile sit “ she called not looking at him but he could tell she was fighting the urge to laugh . 

“ he’s the guy ?” mikey called. 

“ he’s the guy now catch up “ she called back . 

“ hurt her  and law be on your ass seresin . but other than that how you been man hows the navy “ her brother said easily even making her look at her phone with a look of “ what the fuck” written on her face. 

“ good man permanently stationed here , deployments aren't as long and get to teach the future aviators how its done “ he chuckled . 

Wasn’t long  til the bestfriend chatting up a storm  jake was barely paying attention though his missing shirt that almost swallowed her whole as she moved around kitchen making him breakfast shit this wasn’t helping his fantasies it was only feeding them , when she came over plates in her hand place them on table and heading back to get more jake said his goodbyes as she yelled her placing the drinks and condiments on the table only for jake to pull her on to his lap. Kissing her neck and her cheek til she turned her head and kissing his lips , the domestic feel to it all didn’t scare him , it should of but  it was y/n  , it felt right .  her perched on his lap while they ate breakfast  . She told him of her lack of plans  so she was probably going to chill home for day , so he invited her to the beach . a sort of weekly tradition of going the beach with the dagger squad  and friends on base , something she knew of from their text . what she didn’t know this was a first of many things. It was first of him staying over that was rare he usually went home once the deed was done , he was usually home along sitting at his kitchen island  , it was also a new thing of him bringing someone with him to the beach , never had he brought a fling but he hoped this wasn’t a fling it was too good to be a fling. Once breakfast was done and he cleaned up much to her telling him to stop falling on deaf ears . they showered  , ready  and headed to jakes so he could change his clothes knowing he was going to take another shower after beach . 

The faces of his friends where priceless except javy and nat the two sense something growing and it was an answer to jake sudden behavior change over the last few weeks. How he was glue to his phone  or barely paying attention to the women that batted their lashes at him in hard deck .  her hand in his as they got closer only to see her friends there too  well two izzy and emma. 

“ bob and rooster invited us “ izzy smirked . “ see jake had same idea” . 

“ well since there is girls here , lets set up over here and leave  the boys to their football “ nat cheered just as y/n  went to leave with the girls jake pulled spinning her as she fell into a fit of giggles as jake kissed every part of her face before getting her lips . 

“ ok ok come on suck face later”rooster groaned pretending to be repulsed but the smile on his face betrayed him . 

“ see ya later honey “ jake winked  patting her ass as she shot him a playful glare . 

Rushing to her friends to find out what happened when she left to here mia had to pay for a round of drinks  and left in an uber alone not long after  .  the turn in events izzy asked bob for his number  which the shy WSO almost thought she was joking , while shy emma gave rooster hers  but left the bar alone but all wanting to know what happened with her and jake . she told them it all  ( well not all ) . nat couldn’t believe it  , all her time knowing jake seresin and hearing this almost husband material man , one of the biggest man sluts of the hard deck being so soft   and  fluffy . then when she looked to the group of her fellow dagger squad members , the way jake seresin was looking at y/n . Such love and awe in  his green eyes it all made sense. 

Distracted was the best term to use as he and guys stood , his eyes automatically landed on her , ears picking up her laughter as she sat in the warm sand , talking animatedly about something . it made a bright smile emerge on his face . like it was just here on the beach , she wasn’t even talking to him , or could he hear what she was saying but she had his attention either way . 

“ i’ll be damned , never thought i would see the day unless this is some coma , drug induced dream “rooster let out low whistle finally bringing the texan back to the group. 

“ what are you  talkin bout now bradshaw” jake rolled his eyes. 

“ it’s seems a miracle has happened and bag man is in love “ rooster smirked .

He wanted to tell him no , he was wrong that jake seresin and love never even crossed paths and yet he couldn’t . It was all clicking in his head , how it all made sense and this was one of those instances where he could actually agree with rooster. Jake was in love and it wasn’t scaring him like he thought it would shit he was welcoming it ,  letting it fill his brain and his heart. 

“ i think rooster is on to something i think my boy is in love” javy shook jake shoulders side to side playfully.

“ i ain’t denying she something special but if you think ya beating me today bradshaw got another thing coming “ he winked .  “ LET'S PLAY SO I CAN BRING MY GIRL ON A DATE” he yelled catching her attention how her wide eyes soften and the coy playful smile on her lips appeared. 

“Since when am i your girl  seresin” she stood hands on hips . 

“ since the moment i saw you in that aisle kicking ass honey lets not deny the obvious here” he smirked walking toward her , not one of them complained the sudden shift of the game change . 

“ well kiss your girl and get back to your game cowboy “ she wrapped her arms around his waist as he held her face so softly kissing her soft lips like it was first time and definitely vowed to himself he would be doing it til the last day he had on earth. Ignoring their friends hoots and hollering in the background . nah his girl was his main thought. 

Things were unexpected , one little thing could alter and change course of someone's life and in this instance jake seresin was happy with the outcome  what was a routine shopping trip because it would lead him to this , to love and even more importantly it would lead him to her .

[mir4inotes]

soon i’m gonna wake up, someone’s gonna bring me ‘round // kndz hurt/comfort

(kunikida-centric!!!!!!!)

originally posted 19 aug 2023

tw: self-harm, references to a suicide attempt, vomiting

read on ao3! / 3.4k words

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Kunikida hadn’t slept well in weeks. He still made a decent effort to go to bed at the same time every night, hoping something would change. But each time he turned the light off, said good night to Dazai and succumbed to the darkness, he was kept awake.

At first, when he was hopeful and convinced he only needed time to recover from recent events, he tried breathing. He’d lay there, eyes lidded, breathing in for four and out for eight in endless rounds until the fact he still wasn’t asleep raised his heart rate far too much. That initial night, he had simply laid on his back, restraining himself from flopping over onto either side so as not to disturb his partner. And if he had gotten sleep that night, it was certainly more than he’d be getting in the nights to come.

Once Kunikida realized he wouldn’t be able to get any shuteye from simply breathing and meditating, he’d asked Yosano for any ideas. She’d risen an eyebrow at the fact that Kunikida, the man who everyone assumed got a perfect eight hours every night without fail, needed medicine to sleep, then promptly wrote up a prescription for a bit of melatonin for him to take before bed. Wonderful.

After a lighthearted joke from Dazai about how Kunikida now needed drugs to sleep and was therefore getting old, Kunikida took the recommended amount and went to bed, skeptical yet hopeful.

And then he woke up to sunlight on his face, birdsong, and Dazai’s drool-smothered cheek on his chest, and he couldn’t have felt more relieved. His sleeping problem had finally been fixed, and now he could focus on getting his life back together piece by piece.

Except, not even a week later, Kunikida began having nightmares.

What had started as a physical inability to sleep had now morphed into a general dislike of it. He’d dread getting ready for bed, unable to know if he’d be blessed with a deep, uninterrupted sleep or tormented with an unsettling dream. And when he finally settled beneath the covers and waited for Dazai’s soft, pug-like snores to begin, he always fought off sleep for as long as he could until the melatonin knocked him out.

Kunikida wouldn’t have a nightmare nightly, but he almost wished he did. The feeble guessing game he had to play at got old quickly after he’d woken up shaking from his only bad dream in seven days.

The dreams themselves were nothing remarkable. For the most part, they were an amalgamation of the ones he’d suffered from a few months earlier, before the whole Decay of the Angel plot took place: blurry, muffled versions of the people he’d failed to save over the years, hostages locked in a cage while he was forced to stare and do nothing until they were long gone, among countless other scenarios that would already be muddied by the time Kunikida got up and brushed his teeth. They left a sour, unpleasant twist in his gut, but besides that, they were able to be swept aside and forgotten about with a bit of breathing.

Until, one seemingly inconspicuous night, Kunikida experienced a vivid, full-on nightmare that seemed to last for hours. And instead of showing him scenes he was bitterly familiar with, it was something new entirely.

He was sitting in the ward where Jouno had taunted him about joining the hunting dogs, but it was as if he was seeing through a thick, choking veil of smoke. He could hardly see the other end of the tiny room. His notebook laid torn in half on the cot, just as it had all those weeks ago. His thoughts swam; he wasn’t expecting to see this place ever again.

Of course, his arms weren’t working. He had hands and fingers, but he was unable to move them, met with a blank wall of resistance whenever he tried. They were mangled, sticking out at odd angles that shouldn’t be possible, and they hurt.

Outside of the window, Kunikida could hear nothing but chaos. Bloodcurdling screams, rapid gunfire, helicopters. He tried to move his neck, but it remained in place as if held there by an iron vice. His gaze was locked on his destroyed notebook in his lap. He even thought he could smell Jouno’s pear, sickeningly sweet to the point it was nauseating. His lungs were filled with smoke at that point, not that he was breathing in the first place.

Kunikida felt sweat dripping from his forehead as the noise from outside only grew in volume. Even his own heartbeat had moved to his skull, a constant, thumping bass drum that just. Wouldn’t. Shut. Up.

The room was gray, then white, then black, then back to gray. Kunikida saw someone clawing at the door with their hand over their mouth out of the corner of his eye. He hunched over, trying to block them out, but winced as the metal handcuffs scraped against his disfigured fingers.

Handcuffs? Those weren’t there before.

At that point, Kunikida thought his eardrums would burst from just how loud everything was. He brought his hands to his ears, pressing them against the side of his head so hard he thought he’d end up squeezing his own brains out. The cold handcuff chain dangled against his neck, and he swallowed against it. His throat was terribly dry.

Without needing to think about it, Kunikida brought his hands past his ears and behind his head, steadying the chain against the vulnerable skin of his neck. One last desperate, strangled wail reverberated through his entire being like a gong, and he yanked on the chain, tugging it against his neck until the room went black again.

//

Kunikida jolted upright in his shared bed, sputtering and gasping for breath. His hands instantly flew to his neck, almost expecting the resistance of the handcuff chain as he did. After confirming that no, he hadn’t actually choked himself to death, the grip on his neck relaxed, but only slightly.

His hands had returned. He lowered them from his head, holding them out in front of him. He couldn’t keep them still.

The sight of his own two hands, functioning and whole, made Kunikida feel sick. A horrendous wave of nausea swept through him, and he almost gagged right there in his bed.

He could hardly remember what had happened between heaving himself up out of bed (nearly tripping over discarded clothing as he did) and sinking to his knees in front of the toilet, already coughing up bile as soon as his legs hit the ground. His head was pounding too hard for him to care.

He stayed there, miserably slumped on the bathroom floor, resting his forehead on his arms on top of the toilet seat. He wondered briefly if Dazai would come find him, almost wanted him to, then decided he really didn’t want his partner to find him in such a state.

Not that this hadn’t happened before, Kunikida being sick in front of Dazai. On rare nights when he attempted to keep up with the rate at which Dazai tossed drinks back, he’d usually find himself retching in the bathroom (or worse, the kitchen sink) with Dazai drunkenly comforting him, slurring his words while combing his fingers through Kunikida’s hair.

The memory of those nights alone made Kunikida gag again. He’d been trying his best up until now to be as quiet as one can in such a situation, yet he unwittingly let out a low groan as his stomach began cramping up again.

His wrists brushed against each other as he shifted his arms around. He heaved again. He shouldn’t have those hands back. Those damned hands that were meaningless if they couldn’t save every person they attempted to help. Kunikida’s nails dug into his pale wrists.

They shouldn’t be there.

He’s screaming, Dazai’s arms wrapped tightly around him, tugging him away from the glass wall

The skin on his wrists began to sting.

Rokuzo’s in front of him, stumbling, neat entry wounds patterned on his chest

He staggered to his feet, ran the tap water over his dirty, quivering fingers and watched the blood swirl down the drain. He left his wrists alone.

He’s being forced to the ground, vision blurry and ears ringing. There’s blood in his eyes, but he doesn’t feel a thing. He only gazes at the ceiling through lidded eyes as he hears the muffled voices above him.

Kunikida leaned forward on his forearms, resting against the sink now. Nothing was being improved by the breathing techniques he swore by; each gasp for air felt like a fishhook being drawn up through his throat. His wrists burned.

And then, of course, there was a timid knock at the door. Not that Dazai needed to, considering the door had never been shut in the first place. Kunikida cringed as Dazai’s light footsteps reached his side.

Kunikida didn’t speak, or move. He stayed still with his head hung, letting his hands dangle above the sink. Dazai slowly reached for Kunikida’s bloody wrists, turning them over with icy fingers. Kunikida let him.

He also let Dazai rinse them clean, until there were only small, red crescent moons dotting his skin, and he let Dazai wrap his favorite brand of bandages around his wrists, just as Kunikida had so often done for him.

Then Dazai plopped himself onto the bathroom floor while tossing a dirty hand towel up into the sink. “Sit” was all he said as he patted the space in front of him.

Meanwhile, all Kunikida wanted was to drag himself back to bed. His breathing had managed to steady itself as Dazai worked earlier, but the rest of his body ached from exhaustion. He felt horrible enough having woken up Dazai, he wasn’t about to subject him to a pity party on top of it all.

Dazai tapped the floor again, looking up at him. Kunikida opened his mouth to reply, to say he was going to try going back to sleep, but a sudden surge of nausea crept up on him instead.

And so he was back on the floor. He was vomiting for the second time, though most of it ended up being dry heaving. Kunikida heard Dazai shuffling over to him, his hands sliding to their usual comfort spots: one hand brushing his hair away from his face, the other slowly rubbing circles into his upper back.

Kunikida would lean against Dazai in between gagging and coughing fits, his throat too sore to say anything. Dazai would murmur gentle comfort against his ear, quietly reassuring him that he was doing well, it’d be over soon.

Dazai particularly took note of the fact that Kunikida made no attempts to push him away. Every other time he’d taken care of Kunikida in times like this, he’d try making some blabbering excuse (as he was typically blackout drunk) that he could take care of himself, or that Dazai was suffocating him.

Now, however, Kunikida slumped against Dazai once his coughing and heaving had ceased. He shut his eyes and let his head settle against Dazai’s chest, curling into him sideways. He didn’t say a word.

Dazai instinctively wrapped his arms around Kunikida’s frail, shivering frame. This sort of thing had began happening nearly every evening since the Decay of the Angel situation; Dazai would let Kunikida rest against him just before they went to bed, neither of them saying anything. Occasionally, that would be how they fell asleep, too. Dazai would wake up some mornings to Kunikida coiled around Dazai’s lanky figure, an arm flung over his torso like some sort of rope.

It was endearing, sure, but the action was bittersweet, too.

Dazai combed his fingers through Kunikida’s hair as they sat there. The hair between his fingers was Kunikida’s usual dirty blond, except when Dazai peered a little too closely he could make out tiny rivulets of gray as they caught the light. It seemed like the jokes Dazai had made only months earlier about Kunikida going gray young were coming to fruition after all. Dazai looped a few strands around his finger and pretended the flashes of gray were due to his lack of sleep and nothing more, and that they would be gone by the time morning came.

Kunikida shifting his neck a bit brought Dazai’s attention back. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been holding Kunikida for; the only thing that clued him in to how much time might have passed was how the bathroom light had started flickering. That only happened after at least 45 minutes-or-so of it being turned on.

“Kunikida,” Dazai started, lips brushing past Kunikida’s hair. “Do you want to talk about anything?” His voice was hardly above a whisper.

Kunikida took in a deep breath before shaking his head. “It’s late,” he mumbled before tucking his head in even tighter against Dazai’s chest. “I’m sorry for waking you up.” He hoped Dazai hadn’t noticed the unavoidable crack in his voice that so often punctured his words now.

Dazai only hummed in response, continuing to idly play with Kunikida’s hair. A few moments went by before he spoke up again, sitting up a bit more as he did.

“Can I ask you something?”

Kunikida didn’t look up. “…What?”

It wasn’t until after an eerily long pause when Dazai opened his mouth once more, and asked in an impossibly languid voice:

“You’ve thought about suicide, haven’t you?”

He’s being forced to the ground, vision blurry and ears ringing.

Kunikida didn’t move. Faint, blurry snippets of those moments when he was recovering from the explosion trickled through his memory like ice water.

There’s blood in his eyes, but he doesn’t feel a thing.

His mouth went dry. He could still feel Dazai’s heartbeat thumping against his side, yet he still felt himself falling away from him all the same. Kunikida wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to steady his grip or let himself be lost.

Yes, he had thought about it. He had turned it over in his mind repeatedly while sitting in that bed as if it were as natural as breathing. For at the time, his world as he knew it was gone. The agency. His coworkers. His partner. His ideals. There was nothing left except for the searing reminders of everyone he had failed to save.

“Easy, Kunikida. Breathe.” Dazai gently tapped Kunikida on the back.

Each time Kunikida inhaled it felt like the air was being chased out of him again. He knew he was shaking, knew he was gripping Dazai’s leg with too much force, but with one sentence, all the memories he had been trying to suppress out of shame were being unearthed one by one.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Kunikida muttered finally. His fingers began to knot themselves in his tangled hair. “I had nothing. There was nothing…” He cut himself off with a muffled sob.

Dazai’s heart stuttered as he felt that slow drip of realization dawning. The question had been assuming Kunikida had only thought about it. A person required a very specific mindset in order to turn those intrusive thoughts into a reality. Quite honestly, Dazai didn’t believe Kunikida had it in him to attempt anything.

Why didn’t he believe that?

As Kunikida’s body began melting even further against Dazai, his voice nothing but unintelligible sobbing and whimpering, Dazai could feel the slow drip becoming a waterfall.

Sure, the Kunikida of a mere few months ago wouldn’t have let himself go so far. Even if the thought had crossed his mind, he wouldn’t have succumbed so easily, especially not with the ideals he held himself to so strictly.

But now, the Kunikida who left his clothes scattered on the floor, who showed up to work a few minutes later than usual, who isolated himself from his coworkers and who hardly even ate three meals a day anymore; thinking about this Kunikida in such a situation suddenly became a lot more believable.

“I didn’t think you were alive.”

Dazai twitched as he was brought out of his own thoughts by Kunikida’s thick, hoarse voice. His fingers were digging into Dazai’s thigh so much it almost hurt. He considered saying something, except he didn’t want to tip Kunikida over the edge again on accident; he didn’t know what he could or couldn’t say anymore.

Kunikida took in a shaky, unsteady breath, and when he spoke again he sounded like he was seconds away from collapsing into another fit of tears.

“I thought they might have killed you…” he paused and took a breath at that, “when the terrorist accusations came out.” His breathing picked up again, but he didn’t stop speaking.

Dazai only kept holding him, since it was the only thing he knew wouldn’t set his partner off again.

Kunikida always complained about how cold Dazai’s skin was, but now he clung onto him as if that iciness was the one thing that could cool his very core.

“Eventually, the only thing i could think of doing was—“ Kunikida hiccuped, his breathing now just as erratic as it had been when Dazai first entered the bathroom. “…was slamming my head against that wall until it was over.”

And then all Dazai could hear was a desperate string of apologies, suppressed by Kunikida’s own arms as he hid his face from view.

At that point, all Dazai thought to do was wait until Kunikida managed to calm himself down. Even if he did speak, what would he say? It wasn’t as if suicide was some foreign topic to him, it was very much the opposite. But somehow, when it came to discussing it with the one person he never would have thought to consider it, the person he planned to spend the foreseeable future with, it put a knot in his throat.

So, for now, Dazai only gently swayed from side to side, returning to his routine of pressing circles against Kunikida’s back. Kunikida had let his arms fall in front of him, where Dazai decided to lace his fingers between one of Kunikida’s hands, rubbing his thumb up and down the back of his partner’s palm as he fought to get his breathing under control.

Even through everything else going through Dazai’s mind, there was a tiny voice at the back of his head criticizing Kunikida’s method for being too painful, too messy.

And that is why he kept his mouth shut.

//

The bedsheets had been sucked of all warmth by the time the pair returned. Kunikida noted through puffy eyes how his side of the bed has clearly been tossed around with panicked hands, whereas Dazai’s side looked more like he’d slid out much more gracefully. He bit back the rising swell of guilt for the nth time that night, and clambered back into bed.

As soon as Dazai wriggled back under the sheets, he pressed his chest against Kunikida’s back and tossed an arm over his waist. His breath felt warm and soothing against the back of Kunikida’s neck.

“i know you’re beating yourself up over waking me, so stop,” Dazai whispered in the gentlest tone he could muster. He wasn’t a very gentle person after all; unless he was with Kunikida, that is. Even then, he could struggle to get his voice to sound calm enough.

Kunikida sighed heavily, all energy drained. Dazai was right, as he often was. He could read Kunikida so easily.

“You aren’t upset?” Kunikida mumbled, shifting his legs slightly.

“No.” Dazai’s fingers slid up to Kunikida’s chest, pressing against his skin so he could feel his heart beating. “I’m just glad you’re here,” he murmured, burrowing his face into the crook of Kunikida’s neck.

Kunikida briefly thought about getting up to fetch some water, both to soothe his sore throat and to rid the lingering bitterness from his tongue, but he decided against it so as not to disturb Dazai for the second time that night. Dazai’s leg had slithered its way between Kunikida’s own two, anyway.

Gradually, with Dazai’s gentle snoring as background noise, Kunikida found his eyes growing heavy. Relief at Dazai’s words had spread throughout his body, although he wasn’t sure how long it would last.

Dazai shuffled a little closer to him, then, and Kunikida sullenly decided he’d deal with any remaining thoughts in the morning.

No, it wasn’t perfect, but it was certainly some of the best sleep Kunikida had gotten in weeks.

[randomperson99sworld]

Hope

~Prologue~

Summary: Dean and Sam Winchester save a young woman —Natalie Johnson, from a coven of witches who are after her deceased grandmother’s spell book. At first Dean doesn’t trust her, he’s not too fond of the idea of having to babysit either. Natalie is just simply a woman who gets roped up in the supernatural world against her will from a mistake her grandmother made.

Pairing: Dean x OC

Warnings: Age gap, slow burn, smut (in the later chapters) language, gore.

Word Count: 1,171

A/N: Hey guys, I’m back with a new story! Please keep in mind that the themes and dialogue may not be accurate to the show, like the policewoman’s name. I don’t remember it and tbh I try not to remember this episode that much lol but Dean doesn’t die in my story so nothing will be accurate really lol. This story is based in season 15 after the show ends! Happy Reading! ♥️

Dean Winchester was supposed to die.

Hell, he was ready for it at this point. He'd always figured it would happen with blood on his hands and his brother by his side. What he hadn't expected was for fate to delay its hand—yet again.

The air was sharp with the smell of blood and decay as Dean and Sam arrived at the crime scene, posing as FBI agents. It was their usual cover, a routine they could pull off in their sleep. But there was something about this case that felt off—something dark and familiar.

The policewoman on the scene, Officer Mitchell, stood grimly by as she filled them in on the gruesome details. "The man's body was drained of blood, the mother had her tongue cut out, and the children... well, they're missing. No sign of them."

Dean exchanged a glance with Sam. "What about witnesses?"

"One," Officer Mitchell replied, her voice tight. "The mother survived long enough to sketch this." She handed Sam a drawing, a crude yet chilling image of a masked face. Sam's brows furrowed as he examined it.

Dean leaned in for a closer look, a pit forming in his stomach. The mask was unmistakable—he'd seen it before.

"We've dealt with this," Sam muttered, his voice low enough only Dean could hear.

They quickly checked their father's journal back at the Impala. Flipping through the pages, Dean found what he was looking for: A string of killings following the same MO. John Winchester had hunted something like this before. His gut twisted as he read on.

Dean sighed, tapping the page. "Vamps. It's gotta be them. Dad even noted the missing kids. Same pattern."

Sam, more meticulous, studied the notes carefully. "If it's the same nest, we can predict where they'll strike next. They're following a trail of isolated houses on the outskirts."

Dean's jaw tightened, his mind already in hunting mode. "Then we've got work to do."

Under the cover of darkness, Dean and Sam pulled up to an old house on the edge of town. The moonlight barely illuminated the place, but the brothers could sense something sinister lurking within.

"Let's make this quick," Dean grunted, pulling his machete from the trunk. "I'm not in the mood for a long fight tonight."

Sam gave a half-smile, loading his shotgun with silver rounds. "When are you ever?"

They moved quietly, splitting up to flank the house. Dean came up behind one of the masked killers and, in one swift motion, decapitated him. The body crumpled soundlessly to the ground. Across the yard, Sam incapacitated the other, pinning the vampire to the ground.

Dean approached, eyes cold as steel, gripping his blade. "Where are the kids?"

The vampire, blood smeared on its lips, only sneered in response. Dean squatted down, pressing the tip of his machete to the creature's throat. "Let me be clear. You don't tell us, and this is gonna be a slow, painful death."

The vampire's bravado faltered, eyes flickering with fear. "Alright... alright. They're growing them as food," it spat. "At the nest. North side of the woods. But you're too late. The rest of them are waiting."

Dean exchanged a glance with Sam. "Then we'll take the fight to them."

The brothers arrived at the rundown farmhouse deep in the woods, arming themselves with machetes and stakes, ready for the confrontation ahead. Through the shattered windows, Dean could see shadows moving inside—masked vampires watching their every move.

"Let's go get those kids," Sam whispered, tightening his grip on his weapon.

They stormed in, finding the missing children huddled in a filthy corner of the basement. Dean's heart clenched as he saw their scared, wide eyes. He knelt down, his voice surprisingly gentle. "We're getting you out of here, okay?"

But their escape wasn't going to be easy. As they led the kids out, vampires blocked the exits, their fangs gleaming in the dim light. Dean and Sam moved in unison, cutting down two vampires each. Sam evacuated the kids while Dean held off the remaining vampires, slashing and hacking with a brutal efficiency.

Then, just as they thought they had the upper hand, one vampire knocked Sam to the ground, and another tackled Dean, pinning him down. A familiar face stepped out of the shadows, a cruel smile playing on her lips.

"Jenny," Dean spat, recognizing the female vampire from an old hunt. She'd escaped once before.

Jenny knelt beside him, her fingers tracing the wound on his arm with a sickening intimacy. "It's been a long time, Dean."

Before she could sink her teeth into him, Sam came up from behind, decapitating her with a sharp swing of his machete. Dean scrambled to his feet, but the last vampire blindsided him, shoving him into a metal spike. Pain exploded through his body as the spike impaled him from the back.

Sam finished off the vampire but froze when he saw Dean, blood pouring from the wound. "Dean!"

Dean grimaced, breathing heavily, the pain unbearable. "I'm not going anywhere, Sammy," he wheezed. "Not this time."

Sam's hands shook as he tried to inspect the wound. "Hold on, man. I'll get the first aid kit."

But Dean grabbed his arm, pulling him close. "No. Just... just stay with me, okay? It was always supposed to end like this."

Tears welled up in Sam's eyes, but he nodded, helpless as he cradled his brother.

"Get the kids somewhere safe, Sam," Dean muttered, his voice growing weaker. "Do it... without me."

"We'll do it together," Sam choked out. "We always do it together."

Dean's breath hitched, his body growing cold. "Not this time."

Just as Dean's eyes began to flutter closed, a warm light filled the room. Jack appeared, his expression calm but sorrowful.

"Jack..." Sam gasped, confused. "What—why?"

Jack knelt beside Dean, placing a hand over the wound. A bright, golden light flared, and Dean's breathing evened out, the wound sealing up as if it had never been there. Dean blinked, staring in disbelief as the pain vanished.

"You said you weren't interfering anymore," Sam said, stunned. "Why save him?"

Jack stood, his gaze soft but firm. "Because Cas asked me to. He's alive. I brought him back. He begged me... not to let Dean die. Not like this."

Dean swallowed hard, his mind reeling. "Cas is... alive?"

Jack nodded. "Yes."

Dean shook his head, but a faint smile tugged at his lips. "Damn... I'm glad that feathered son of a bitch is back."

Sam was still dazed but grateful, tears brimming as he looked at his brother, whole and alive. "Thank you, Jack."

Jack gave a small, sad smile. "You're not done yet. There's more ahead. But for now... you're together."

And with that, Jack vanished, leaving the brothers alone in the quiet aftermath of the battle—alive, for another day.

Dean turned to Sam, a wry grin forming. "Guess the dying thing's gonna have to wait."

Sam chuckled through his tears, relief washing over him. "Yeah. Guess so."

[cherrygirlystuff]

The Return of Grunge Pop: Why the Early 2000s Sound Is Dominating Playlists Again 🎧

Hey babe, if you’ve been noticing a certain gritty, nostalgic vibe creeping back into your playlists lately, you’re not alone. Grunge pop, that perfect blend of angsty lyrics, distorted guitars, and catchy hooks, is making a major comeback. 🌟 It’s like we’ve hit rewind on the music scene, and honestly? I’m here for it. Let’s dive into why this early 2000s sound is resonating so hard with today’s generation and why it’s taking over our playlists again. Ready to get grungy? Let’s go!

1. What Exactly Is Grunge Pop?

Before we get into why it’s back, let’s talk about what grunge pop actually is. Picture this: the raw, rebellious energy of grunge, mixed with the catchy, radio-friendly vibes of pop music. It’s the sound of angst and heartache, but with a sugar-coated twist that makes you want to sing along even as you’re feeling all the feels.

Musical Elements: Grunge pop blends the heavy, distorted guitars and gritty vocals of grunge with pop’s polished production and memorable hooks. It’s the kind of music that makes you want to headbang one minute and dance the next. Think early Avril Lavigne, Garbage, or even No Doubt during their edgier days.

Lyrical Themes: The lyrics often dive into themes of alienation, heartache, and rebellion—but with a pop sensibility that makes them accessible and relatable. It’s the perfect soundtrack for those days when you’re feeling a little out of place but still want to have a good time.

2. Nostalgia Is in Full Swing

Let’s be real—nostalgia is powerful. The early 2000s were a time of chunky highlights, low-rise jeans, and, of course, grunge pop blasting from our flip phones. As we’re seeing a resurgence of Y2K fashion and culture, it’s no surprise that the music is coming back too.

The Comfort of Familiar Sounds: In a world that’s constantly changing, there’s something comforting about revisiting the sounds of our past. Grunge pop brings back memories of simpler times, and for many, it’s a reminder of their teenage years—full of angst, rebellion, and discovering who they were.

TikTok’s Influence: TikTok has been a major player in bringing back early 2000s trends, including grunge pop. Songs from the era are being rediscovered and shared by a new generation, who are putting their own spin on the sound while celebrating its roots.

3. The Raw Emotion We Crave

Today’s music scene is full of polished, highly produced tracks, which are great—but sometimes, we crave something a little more raw, a little more real. That’s where grunge pop comes in. Its unfiltered emotion and gritty production stand out in a world of auto-tune and synths.

Relatability: The themes of grunge pop—heartbreak, rebellion, feeling like an outsider—are timeless. They resonate with today’s listeners just as much as they did back in the early 2000s. In an era of social media perfection, grunge pop’s honesty feels refreshing and relatable.

A Break from the Norm: Grunge pop offers an alternative to the glossy pop hits dominating the charts. It’s a little rough around the edges, a little messy, and that’s exactly what makes it so appealing. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to not have everything figured out—and to sing about it at the top of your lungs.

4. The Artists Leading the Revival

It’s not just the old favorites making a comeback—new artists are embracing the grunge pop sound and making it their own. These artists are blending the nostalgic elements of early 2000s grunge pop with modern influences, creating something that feels both familiar and fresh.

New Faces, Old Sounds: Artists like Billie Eilish and Olivia Rodrigo are channeling that early 2000s angst in their music, blending it with contemporary production and lyrics that speak to today’s generation. Their music is raw, emotional, and full of the kind of energy that defined grunge pop in its heyday.

Collaborations & Covers: We’re also seeing a trend of artists covering or sampling early 2000s hits, bringing them back into the spotlight with a new twist. It’s a celebration of the past, but with a fresh take that makes it feel current and exciting.

5. The DIY Spirit Lives On

Grunge pop was born out of the DIY ethos of the grunge movement, and that spirit is alive and well today. In an era where anyone can record and share music from their bedroom, the raw, unpolished sound of grunge pop is more accessible than ever.

The Appeal of Imperfection: There’s something incredibly appealing about music that isn’t overly produced. Grunge pop’s imperfections—whether it’s a crack in the voice or a fuzzy guitar riff—feel more human, more real. In a world of perfect Instagram feeds and curated lives, it’s a reminder that it’s okay to be messy.

Empowering the Next Generation: Today’s young musicians are picking up where their early 2000s predecessors left off, using the DIY spirit to create music that speaks to their experiences. They’re proving that you don’t need a big budget or a fancy studio to make something powerful—just a lot of heart and a little grit.

Final Thoughts, Babe: Grunge Pop Is Here to Stay

So why is grunge pop dominating our playlists again? It’s a mix of nostalgia, raw emotion, and the appeal of something real in a world that often feels anything but. Whether you’re rediscovering your old favorites or falling in love with the sound for the first time, there’s no denying that grunge pop is having a major moment.

So crank up those guitars, smudge on some eyeliner, and let’s embrace the return of grunge pop—because honestly? It never really left. 🎸

[thethirdromana]

Some thoughts on the Star Beast:

New intro is lovely. Look at her go!

The BBC review complains about Murray Gold's "blunderingly obvious" music but it turns out I like my music blunderingly obvious.

Love the location shots to show that for once we are actually in London, not Cardiff pretending to be London.

In other signs of money being spent, the Meep looks amazing. And adorable. I assume the BBC has a range of Beep the Meep cuddly toys ready to go.

Speedy bit of UNIT backstory that I suspect will make no sense at all to someone who isn't already reasonably familiar with what UNIT is. Oh well, hope the 8-year-olds watching the show for the first time will catch up.

I love the Wrarth. Maybe they will have light-up eyes with the Meep-and-Wrarth toy boxset.

The storyline with Donna and Sylvia trying to figure out how best to support Rose is lovely.

Yasmin Finney is utterly brilliant. I don't know if we see more of Rose in the later specials? I hope we do, she feels a bit under-used here.

That said, I would have preferred the Doctor asking for the Meep's pronouns himself rather than it being at Rose's prompting. It doesn't feel like a very Doctorish thing to get wrong.

The courtroom scene is a delight. David Tennant is really very good at this.

I wish they had put slightly less gloop in his hair though.

I assume the twist means that they will simply have double the cuddly toys to sell: friendly Meep and evil Meep.

Magically un-burning London is a bit annoying, but I'll get over it, it's not really the point after all.

Grr RTD, you know that gender essentialism is bad even when it's purporting to be trans-inclusive, right? Right?

(I know everyone has pointed that out already, I'm behind).

David Tennant and Catherine Tate have incredible chemistry. It's unfortunate that Donna and Shaun don't, because otherwise I think that could have been a lovely depiction of a warm and unjealous relationship.

New TARDIS interior! The console is lovely, the rest is... weirdly big? Why is it so big? I predict that this will bother me until about 10 minutes into the next episode and then all other TARDIS interiors will feel too small.

What's with the... singing? on the end credits theme? I'm not sold.

Loved that overall though! Can't wait for the next one!

[colivingflats]

How Fully Furnished Apartments in Munich Simplify Relocation

Moving to a new city is like starting a whole new chapter—with blank pages, new challenges, and unpredictable plot twists. Munich, with its centuries-old architecture, world-class tech hubs, and espresso-strong urban energy, can be an inspiring setting. But between figuring out paperwork, converting your coffee machine plug, and navigating the language barrier, there's one decision that can change the whole tone of your arrival: where (and how) you live.

This is where fully furnished apartments come in—not just as a convenience, but as an intentional choice. Think of them as your instant home base. No furniture deliveries, no trying to install shelves with Google-translated manuals. Just unpack, settle, breathe.

Whether you’re here for a year or forever, here’s why going furnished might just be the reset button you didn’t know you needed.

Arrive and Actually Live

No lie—moving abroad is emotionally messy. Your stuff’s in boxes, your to-do list is wild, and the thought of spending your first weekend assembling an IKEA bed sounds like a nightmare. That’s why furnished apartments feel like magic: everything is already done.

You walk in and there's a bed. A couch. Plates and glasses in the cabinets. Maybe even a cozy throw on the sofa. It’s not just “convenient”—it’s calming. In a city that’s new and a little intimidating, having a fully set-up apartment gives you something solid. Something familiar.

It’s like, "Hey, you’ve got this."

Munich's Rental Scene, Decoded

Munich is brilliant, but it’s also a tough nut to crack housing-wise. Listings vanish within hours. Landlords want long-term contracts. And don't even get us started on shared flat interviews. Furnished rentals, especially those tailored for expats, cut through the static.

They usually come with streamlined processes, shorter leases, and landlords who understand that you might not have German tax documents yet. It’s not just easier—it’s less stressful. You’ll spend less time hunting for housing and more time learning your U-Bahn routes or scouting out the best local bakery (pro tip: there are many).

Renting Time (Back)

There’s something radical about having your time returned to you. Instead of spending your first weeks hunting down routers or figuring out how to open a German utility account, you’re actually living. Furnished apartments remove about fifty percent of the friction of settling in.

No more "Where do I buy a mattress at 7 PM on a Tuesday?" chaos. Just freedom—to explore, to meet people, to start building a life.

And for remote workers or digital nomads? That built-in Wi-Fi and work-ready setup are a lifesaver. Munich is great for productivity—but only if your home works with you, not against you.

Predictable Costs = Peace

Budgeting in a new city is a minefield. You don’t know how much electricity will cost. Internet prices seem like a maze. And what even is a Rundfunkbeitrag?

Furnished apartments often come with one flat price. Rent, internet, utilities—done. That might feel like a small thing, but when you're managing relocation logistics, every bit of predictability is a win. You won’t find yourself shelling out for surprise fees or juggling contracts in a language you barely speak.

It’s all set. You just pay and live.

Mental Health and a Sense of Place

One thing Tumblr folks get is the importance of space as an extension of self. And in times of big change—like moving abroad—your space becomes your anchor. A furnished apartment gives you a backdrop for your story that’s already curated for comfort.

From a real bed to actual lamps (yes, lighting matters), your home starts feeling like a sanctuary right away. Even if you’re just there temporarily, the emotional stability it offers can’t be overstated.

That’s why choosing a fully furnished apartment in Munich isn’t just practical. It’s kind to your future self.

Variety Is Real

Whether your aesthetic is clean and Scandi or artsy and urban, Munich’s furnished apartment scene has range. Studios with exposed beams. Sleek one-bedrooms near the Isar. Family flats with room for strollers and LEGO sets.

These aren't boring hotel-style spaces. Many are genuinely lovely—with modern appliances, design-savvy layouts, and actual thought put into livability. And if you’re planning to explore long-term housing options later, your furnished rental can double as your trial run for neighborhoods.

If You’re Just Passing Through…

Sometimes a move is short-term—a semester abroad, a work project, or a sabbatical. But you still want homey. You still want to feel grounded.

Furnished rentals are made for these moments. Flexible leases, no heavy lifting, and an easy out when your time wraps up. That kind of freedom? Pretty rare in big-city housing markets.

The Bureaucracy Buffer

Dealing with German paperwork isn’t exactly whimsical. You’ll need a rental contract that passes muster, a registered address for your Anmeldung, and probably some official mail to show up at your door. Furnished providers usually know the drill—and help make sure you get what you need.

That support? Worth its weight in pretzels.

Personal Fit, Not One-Size-Fits-All

What works for a grad student probably doesn’t work for a family of four. And that’s okay. Munich’s furnished housing ecosystem is broad. There are community-driven buildings with coworking lounges. Apartments that let you bring your dog. Quiet spots close to international schools.

So no, you’re not choosing from a shelf of pre-cut templates. You’re picking a setup that fits you.

Final Thoughts, Like a Diary Entry

If you’re still deciding whether furnished is “worth it,” ask yourself: Do I want my first memory of Munich to be making a bed out of hoodies on the floor—or sipping tea from a stocked kitchen, window open, city buzzing outside?

Go easy on yourself. Moving is hard enough.

Check out options for a furnished apartment Munich that’ll help you hit the ground running. Your next chapter deserves a soft landing.

#relocationtips #munichliving #expatlife

[linuxgamenews]

Mutants Ate My Carrots: A Creative Gem for Adventure Game Fans

Mutants Ate My Carrots is a wacky point and click adventure game coming to Linux, Mac, and Windows PC, with a Demo. Thanks to the brilliant minds at Animatic Vision for this creative gem. Due to make its way onto Steam. Get ready for some hilarious fun. Dionous Games has teamed up with Animatic Vision to bring us an exciting new adventure, Mutants Ate My Carrots, hitting our screens in Q2 2025. If you’re into point and click adventure titles, you’ll want to keep this one on your radar. Mutants Ate My Carrots takes everything we like about classic adventures and cranks it up a notch. Doing so with skill-based fights and a hilariously unpredictable story. Set in a fairy tale-like forest, it’s full of challenging puzzles, eccentric characters, and a dark mystery just waiting to be unravelled. The story kicks off with a feisty black rabbit who’s been living life as an outcast on the outskirts of Deep Wood forest. His special carrot crops — his pride and joy — have mysteriously vanished, and he’s not about to let that slide. Determined to find the thief, he sets off on an epic journey filled with oddball encounters, tricky situations, and even some good old-fashioned martial arts. That’s right — this rabbit doesn’t just nibble carrots; he can throw punches too!

Mutants Ate My Carrots Gameplay Trailer

But don’t think this will be a straightforward quest. The deeper you go, the weirder and more dangerous things get. Between solving clever puzzles and dealing with some very peculiar forest dwellers, you’ll uncover a fairy tale forest hiding secrets much darker than you’d expect.

Why You’ll Love It

Mutants Ate My Carrots isn’t just another adventure title — it’s a breath of fresh air for fans of the genre. Here’s what makes it stand out:

Dual Inventory: One for your usual items and another just for skills. You’ll need both to outsmart the mutants and progress.

Beautiful Hand-Drawn Art: The 2D visuals are absolutely gorgeous, with every scene brimming with detail.

A Wild Storyline: Twists, turns, and plenty of surprises keep you hooked from start to finish.

Quirky Characters: Meet a cast of hilarious and familiar faces from fairy tales, all with their own wacky personalities.

Satisfying Puzzles: Perfectly balanced to make you think without driving you mad.

Original Soundtrack: Tunes that perfectly match the vibe of the game’s strange and wonderful world.

With its mix of humor, danger, and unique mechanics, Mutants Ate My Carrots is shaping up to be one of the most entertaining point and click adventure games on the horizon. Whether you’re a die-hard point and click fan or just looking for something fresh and fun, this title is ready to steal your heart — and maybe your carrots too. Try the Linux Demo Steam. So, keep an eye out for this zany rabbit’s adventure in 2025. It’s going to be a ride you won’t want to miss. Due to make its way onto Linux, Mac, and Windows PC. Play the Demo.

[technology-inclusive]

Achieving Success and Overcoming Challenges in the Web Development Industry

Hello, valued reader! So, it seems you're interested in the dynamic world of a web development company, huh? Get ready for an exciting journey ahead! Picture yourself on a thrilling rollercoaster ride, experiencing exhilarating twists and turns, with moments of soaring heights and heart-pounding descents.

That's essentially the routine of a web development company. But what sets apart those who excel and operate seamlessly, compared to those who struggle? Shall we begin our exploration?

Achieving Greatness First and foremost, let's discuss the aspect of success. Building a thriving web development company takes time and effort, even if it may appear effortless to outsiders. Nope, they are carefully crafted, just like a master chef perfecting their secret sauce. So, what's the key ingredient in the software industry?

Embracing Innovation and Agility: Imagine being the trendsetter who effortlessly adjusts to new trends as they emerge. In the tech industry, it is crucial to constantly progress and innovate, as there is no room for stagnation. Standing still is equivalent to moving backward. With the right combination of cutting-edge products and efficient strategies, a company can quickly establish a competitive edge.

Exceptional Teams: You're familiar with those remarkable teams, reminiscent of sports, where each member's strengths complement one another? That's exactly what we're discussing. A thriving web development company appreciates talented developers, innovative minds, and individuals who possess a strong understanding of both the technical and business aspects. Success hinges on having the correct individuals on board.

Putting the customer at the center of everything we do: Have you ever experienced the feeling of being treated like royalty at a business? That's the way these companies handle their clients. It's about going above and beyond expectations, delighting clients, and making them feel valued and important.

Scalable Processes: This is where the real transformation occurs behind the scenes. Having scalable processes ensures that as the business expands, everything remains organized and under control. Having a strong foundation is crucial, as it ensures the stability of your house, regardless of any fancy additions you may make.

Navigating the Complexities of Challenges However, there are some challenges to consider. Similar to a skilled storyteller, there are obstacles and mythical creatures to overcome (figuratively speaking, of course).

Staying Ahead in the Tech Game: Technology is constantly evolving. Extremely efficient. Can you believe it? I just bought this and it's already old! Quick. In the fast-paced world of software development, staying ahead or even just keeping up can be quite a challenge. It feels as if you're constantly chasing a moving target.

Managing Growth: Growth is truly remarkable, isn't it? Increasing your client base, boosting your revenue, and expanding your team. However, effectively navigating the challenges that come with managing growth can be quite complex. It's similar to advancing in a game; all of a sudden, you're faced with more formidable opponents. Scaling up operations, managing a larger team, and maintaining quality can be quite challenging.

In the digital world, threats are abundant and they certainly don't come dressed in balaclavas. Cybersecurity is a critical issue as a single breach has the potential to significantly harm a company's reputation. Imagine it as diligently protecting your stronghold from unseen intruders.

Unpredictable Economic Landscape: Economic downturns have a way of surprising us, much like unexpected plot twists in your favorite series. One moment everything seems to be going smoothly, but suddenly, financial constraints arise and clients start reducing their spending. In order to successfully navigate these challenging times, it is crucial to possess a combination of resilience, astute financial planning, and the willingness to make difficult choices when necessary.

How is it accomplished? So, how do these companies navigate the fluctuations? Allow me to provide you with some valuable information:

Continual Learning and Adaptation: The top professionals in the industry never cease to expand their knowledge. Staying informed about new programming languages, project management tools, and business strategies is crucial for success. It's similar to enhancing your armor and weapons in a game.

Strong Leadership: Similar to a guiding force in an epic journey, successful software development companies thrive under the guidance of capable leaders. These individuals have the ability to provide inspiration and make difficult decisions when needed.

Imagine having the ability to improve different aspects of your day, making them more efficient and effective. That's the essence of feedback loops in the business world. Receiving feedback from all stakeholders is crucial for making necessary adjustments to processes, enhancing products, and improving services.

In the ever-changing world of the tech industry, one thing remains constant: its inherent unpredictability. Thriving businesses are the ones that can adapt swiftly to changes while maintaining their stability.

Concluding the Discussion Running a web development company requires a strong and determined mindset. It requires a combination of dedication, determination, and a significant amount of effort. Those who excel comprehend their areas of expertise and areas for improvement, eagerly tackle obstacles, and consistently pursue greatness. It's all about fostering a culture of innovation, finding clever solutions to challenges, and delivering a final product that exceeds expectations. Picture the thrill of introducing a product that not only meets the expected standards, but also leaves a lasting impression. That's the ultimate objective.

Nurturing the Ideal Environment The culture of a web development company is vital to its success. Creating an environment where everyone feels empowered, valued, and part of something bigger is crucial. It goes beyond the perks like foosball tables or free snacks, although those can be nice additions. Imagine it as cultivating a garden. To ensure optimal growth of your plants (employees), it is crucial to provide them with the appropriate soil (culture), water (resources), and sunlight (leadership). Successful companies have a knack for attracting top talent, keeping them on board, and watching them excel.

Promoting Open Communication: Fostering an environment that values and encourages open lines of communication is of utmost importance. With this approach, ideas have the freedom to flow seamlessly from the bottom to the top, avoiding any obstacles that may arise from a rigid hierarchy. It's important to establish an environment where both interns and senior developers feel equally at ease when presenting their ideas.

Encouraging Empowerment and Responsibility: When team members are given the freedom to make decisions and take ownership of their projects, they become more invested in their work. It's not only about holding people accountable, but also about ensuring that each individual feels a sense of direct contribution to the company's success. It's as if someone is given their own plot in the garden and they take great pride in nurturing it.

Work-Life Harmony: The era of celebrating all-nighters is long gone. Today, successful companies prioritize work-life harmony, understanding that the well-being and satisfaction of their employees directly impact productivity and innovation. It's all about striking the perfect balance between your professional and personal life, ensuring a harmonious and sustainable coexistence.

Harnessing the power of technology In today's software-driven world, utilizing the appropriate technologies is comparable to equipping yourself with the finest tools in your arsenal. Staying ahead technologically can give you a significant edge, whether it's through the use of cutting-edge development tools, project management software, or the latest communication platforms.

Cloud Computing: Picture having a versatile tool at your disposal, ready to provide you with any solution you require, whenever you need it. Cloud computing offers significant benefits to software companies. It enables them to enhance their flexibility, optimize scalability, and minimize expenses on hardware and IT management.

AI and Machine Learning are transforming the software development landscape, bringing about a significant revolution. With the help of AI, the development process can be accelerated and the quality of the software can be improved. AI can automate repetitive tasks and even predict user behavior.

Continuous Integration and Continuous Deployment (CI/CD): The process involves making frequent, incremental updates to software, allowing for automated testing and deployment. It's similar to optimizing your car's performance while it's in motion, making sure it runs at its best at all times.

Staying Ahead of the Game Staying ahead of the curve is crucial to completing the puzzle. Not only does this apply to technology, but it also extends to market trends, customer preferences, and regulatory changes.

Market Research: Having a deep understanding of the market's needs, even before they are aware of them, is a remarkable skill. It requires ongoing research, surveys, and occasionally a touch of intuition.

Customer Feedback: This serves as the guiding force for the ship. Consistently paying attention to customer feedback, whether it's positive or negative, is extremely valuable. It assists companies in adapting their products, resolving issues, and occasionally making a complete shift.

Staying updated on regulatory changes is crucial, particularly in fields such as fintech or health tech. It's as if you have a deep understanding of the game's rules, allowing you to perform at your peak without any concerns about penalties.

In summary So, there you have it—an inside look into the operations of a web development company. It embodies a combination of enthusiasm, cutting-edge advancements, and ongoing progress. Just like a business consultant, these companies are constantly embracing innovation and overcoming the obstacles of a dynamic environment. They are always proactive, flexible, and committed to continuous improvement. And what lies at the core of everything? Attention, everyone. Individuals who envision, construct, experience setbacks, acquire knowledge, and achieve triumph. Throughout this exciting adventure of challenges and successes, it is the individuals, the organizational culture, and the guidance of the leaders that truly set the stage for success. Are you prepared to join this thrilling realm?

[daughterofheartshaven]

You asked for an essay in your tags.

...

Oh all, right. Just a small one. Also bear in mind I haven't read Lungbarrow in a bit and am also tired so this is gonna be a ramble.

So.

To call Lungbarrow is a good book is accurate, but it is more specific to say that it is a good Doctor Who book specifically - I wouldn't hand it to someone unfamiliar with the show. If you ARE familiar with the EU, then it's a must read if you can track down a pdf or somehow get a physical version for a sane price.

The book gets mocked a lot for being the crucial reimagining of how Time Lord society works, but I think it does so brilliantly. The concept of Time Lord houses being... well, literal Houses is such a fun concept, especially since it plays off the very human idea of childhood in such an alien way. Having the outsiders of Ace, Leela, and Chris give such a human perspective on it, and it helps portray the society of Gallifrey as truly alien while still giving us a nonhuman society. The concept of Looms themselves is also brilliant - they're basically just cloning vats, but the Lords of Time wouldn't come from something so banal as a cloning vat, so let's call it a Loom. Relatedly, the Time Lords having a quota per House makes sense as to how a species that can practically "live forever, barring accidents" is a really neat bit of worldbuilding. And we get to see the logistics of how all this works.

Lungbarrow is also the end of Chris Cwej's arc - an arc that had been built up over many books, and is of surprising relevance today. Basically a young space cop who is also a furry discovers that ACAB, and runs away with his mentor/best friend and the Doctor. He gets put through hell and back fighting a psychic reality-bending enemy. Said friend dies a pointless death. He's seen the Doctor a hair away from death himself. He still doesn't know what he's doing with his life. And this book is where he works out that's okay. He sets out from the Doctor, ready to work out a new life. (Wonderful plans dashed by a War in Heaven, but that's another story)

We also get to see Romana, Ace, and Leela come together. They're a brilliant trio, and Ace gets the best of it here - this is her victory lap from all the character development she went through in the New Adventures. She's older, wiser, and smarter. There's an amazing scene towards the start of the book where she faces off against a pre-character-development her, and wins soundly. It's a victory in the moment, but also a victory for her growth as a person. Not that Romana or Leela are slacking - the book shows a friendship that Big Finish happily followed up on to a much greater depth.

The actual main plot set in the House of Lungbarrow is brilliantly executed. The Doctor's Cousins are a well-characterized bunch; all effected deeply and irreparably by his leaving of Gallifrey and the events that happened shortly thereafter. Glospin, Innocet, Jobiska, Owis, Quences. These characters stuck with me. The Doctor's first rival, the closest thing he had to a mother, a senile old lady, an adult child, a father who wanted to plan his son's future. They're so very Gallifreyan, but they're so very human. I don't want to spoil the twists that haven't already been plastered all over the internet, so I will let it rest: even if you know about the Other and all that, Lungbarrow has some amazing twists left for you still.

And to take a moment to discuss the Big Thing about Lungbarrow: the concept of the Other. Andrew Cartmel said his masterplan was never to explain a new past for the Doctor - it was simply to add a new level of mystery to the character. This might be controversial, but Lungbarrow succeeds. Who is the Other? Is he the Doctor? Is he Leela and Andred's child, the firstborn of Gallifrey in ten million years? Is he, say, an explorer and tyrant named Tecteun? Lungbarrow could support it all? (Seriously, I have a great theory tying Lungbarrow and Ascension of the Cybermen / The Timeless Children together, but that's another essay for another day.)

For me, the emotional core of the book is where Leela, Ace, and Chris discover that by his calendar and culture, it's the Doctor's birthday (well, Name Day). And so they sing happy birthday to him. They celebrate him. They love him. He chose his friends, and they chose him. As little as I've talked about him, this is a book about the Doctor. It's a book about the family who rejected him and the better family he found on a blue forgotten planet throughout time and space. As a book, it is certainly not perfect - it has many of the usual flaws of the NAs, and a few things that haven't aged well. But I will still call it a perfect end to the Seventh Doctor of the books and the start to a new, greater era.

I have more I could say, but I'll leave it here for now. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

what you have to understand is that lungbarrow is a good book

[usagirotten]

Marvel's Thunderbolts Return to Comics in an Electrifying Comeback!

Hey there, comic book enthusiasts! We've got some electrifying news for you. Marvel's Thunderbolts are back and ready to shake up the world of comics in a brand-new series launching this December. If you're a fan of super-powered action, complex characters, and thrilling storylines, then this is the news you've been waiting for! For those of you who aren't familiar with the Thunderbolts, let me give you a quick rundown. Imagine a team of heroes but with a twist. These heroes aren't exactly what they seem. In fact, they're former villains who have decided to step up and fight for justice. Talk about turning over a new leaf! What makes the Thunderbolts so intriguing is the depth of their characters. They aren't your typical do-gooders. They come with complicated pasts and shades of gray. Some are seeking redemption, while others are simply looking for a chance to prove themselves. It's a fascinating exploration of the blurred line between good and evil, and it keeps readers hooked from start to finish. Now, let's talk about the new series launching this December. Marvel has assembled a top-notch creative team to bring the Thunderbolts back to life. They're pulling out all the stops to ensure that this series lives up to the high expectations of fans around the world. The new series builds on the status quo Kelly and Lanzing established for Barnes in the Captain America: Sentinel of Liberty title, with Bucky taking on the role of The Revolution — the sole keeper of a century’s worth of covert information and secret files, which he intends to use to further his mission to take down the biggest threats in the Marvel Universe — or die trying. Amongst those threats, Marvel teases, are “the Red Skull, Kingpin, and even Doctor Doom himself. No one is safe from the Thunderbolts!” Thunderbolts #1 launches in December, with art from Geraldo Borges; the promotional art for the announcement below comes from Mahmud Asrar. Marvel promises more information about the series to be released during San Diego Comic-Con 2023. Expect pulse-pounding action, jaw-dropping plot twists, and emotionally charged moments that will leave you breathless. Whether you're a longtime Thunderbolts fan or a newcomer to the series, this new installment promises to deliver an unforgettable reading experience. “The call has gone out to all those who call the shadows their home; every spy, assassin, and renegade has a part to play in Bucky Barnes' all-encompassing and uncompromising hit on the singular, monstrous living symbol of fascism: the Red Skull,” teases writing duo Collin Kelly and Jackson Lanzing, who’ll be helming the new series. “Alongside our old friend Geraldo Borges, we're taking this opportunity to tell a very different kind of team book. This is a whole new era for the Thunderbolts and it starts with a four-part espionage epic, an ever-shifting cast and a single overarching goal: to tear down a century of Nazi evil with justice like lightning.” And here's the best part – we're all in this together! As fans, we have the opportunity to connect with each other, share our thoughts, and speculate on what lies ahead for our favorite characters. The Thunderbolts community is a tight-knit group of passionate individuals, and we'd love for you to be a part of it. So mark your calendars, comic book lovers, because this December, the Thunderbolts are storming back onto the scene. Get ready to immerse yourself in their world of heroism, redemption, and thrilling adventures. Together, let's celebrate the return of Marvel's Thunderbolts and create a community where we can share our love for these incredible characters. Stay tuned for more updates, sneak peeks, and discussions right here. We can't wait to embark on this electrifying journey with you!

Read the full article

[makingqueerhistory]

Queer Book Recommendations

Every once in a while I like sharing some queer book recommendations on here as I read a lot and I get requests to share some of the books I love, so here we go! 

Tell Me I'm Worthless: Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends Ila and Hannah. Since then, things have not been going well. Alice is living a haunted existence, selling videos of herself cleaning for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. She hasn’t spoken to Ila since they went into the House. She hasn’t seen Hannah either.

Our Wives Under The Sea: Miri thinks she has got her wife back, when Leah finally returns after a deep sea mission that ended in catastrophe. It soon becomes clear, though, that Leah may have come back wrong. Whatever happened in that vessel, whatever it was they were supposed to be studying before they were stranded on the ocean floor, Leah has carried part of it with her, onto dry land and into their home. 

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty: Feyi Adekola wants to learn how to be alive again.It’s been five years since the accident that killed the love of her life and she’s almost a new person now—an artist with her own studio, and sharing a brownstone apartment with her ride-or-die best friend, Joy, who insists it’s time for Feyi to ease back into the dating scene. Feyi isn’t ready for anything serious, but a steamy encounter at a rooftop party cascades into a whirlwind summer she could have never imagined: a luxury trip to a tropical island, decadent meals in the glamorous home of a celebrity chef, and a major curator who wants to launch her art career.

Silver Under Nightfall: Remy Pendergast is many things: the only son of the Duke of Valenbonne (though his father might wish otherwise), an elite bounty hunter of rogue vampires, and an outcast among his fellow Reapers. His mother was the subject of gossip even before she eloped with a vampire, giving rise to the rumors that Remy is half-vampire himself. Though the kingdom of Aluria barely tolerates him, Remy’s father has been shaping him into a weapon to fight for the kingdom at any cost.

Disintegrate/Dissociate: In her powerful debut collection of poetry, Arielle Twist unravels the complexities of human relationships after death and metamorphosis. In these spare yet powerful poems, she explores, with both rage and tenderness, the parameters of grief, trauma, displacement, and identity. Weaving together a past made murky by uncertainty and a present which exists in multitudes, Arielle Twist poetically navigates through what it means to be an Indigenous trans woman, discovering the possibilities of a hopeful future and a transcendent, beautiful path to regaining softness. 

The Perks of Loving a Wallflower: As a master of disguise, Thomasina Wynchester can be a polite young lady—or a bawdy old man. She’ll do whatever it takes to solve the cases her family takes on. But when Tommy’s beautiful new client turns out to be the highborn lady she’s secretly smitten with, more than her mission is at stake . . . 

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror: Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes—such as the circumspect and resilient “final girl,” body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet—spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world. 

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture: Everything you know about sex and asexuality is (probably) wrong. The notion that everyone wants sex–and that we all have to have it–is false. It’s intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that’s not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack: lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity.

[rose-arwen-padme]

Suppression

The forbidden tale of Anakin and Padmé's AOTC courtship. A detailed expansion covering the movie, known deleted scenes, and many new scenes. If George showed 20% of their screen time, this is the other 80%. Told in Padmé's POV with ROTS awareness. Written for the enduring fans of Anidala.

Prologue

I don't possess the Force ability to influence minds, but my time as Queen, as Senator, and as Anakin's obsession has taught me there is power to be found in the consequence of my words.

Scrutinizing outsiders have judged my relationship with Anakin from the beginning. Our tale is like a misunderstood creature in a zoo, the spectators pressing their noses up at us on the glass. They gape with their pointed fingers. They're vocal with their opinions and privileged hindsight of how they would've handled the twists and turns differently.

They're unaware, or uncaring, of the elevated audience rows they hurl their uninvited speeches from.

Such detractors single out the warning signs as bombastic, obvious signs of doom. How resourceful they are at finding fuel for the fires they burn us in. As if blinded by these flames of their own creation, they do not pause to view their kindling as the moments they were as we lived them. What to us was one rough conversation in an endless day— our bodies and minds perhaps taxed from duties, unending travel, or even grief, mixed with natural hindrances like hunger, lack of sleep, etc— or a passing disagreement which was returned to after we'd had a chance to process and re-frame… to them, all of it only became chopped and isolated historical fodder. I imagine it's quite effortless to throw sentiments like stones at these events when you know they are events and understand their future importance.

How nice it must be, to absorb and contextualize simultaneously with the big picture... As the great Master Yoda might say, we had not that luxury.

Stand and judge me. Stand and judge Anakin. Force knows we both deserve it, to various degrees. It's easy to pass down the verdict when you weren't caught up in the wave yourself, hijacked in body and mind by forces beyond your control. We were all of us— and I include Obi-Wan in this— just trying to navigate each day as it came, doing the best we could with the information we had at the time. And so, I'll charge you to remember: Even the combined insight of the mighty Jedi Council never saw this coming. How could I be expected to?

{Are you an angel?}

No one knows the full story— our true story.

In terms of emotional presentation, what is the opposite of a highlight reel?

We were inexperienced, the both of us, and it handicapped us in precarious ways. Regardless, the cliché old adage stands frightfully true— when you know, you know, and Fate does not make allowances for how unprepared you are when It comes. We're told in romantic holomovies and wispy fables that such sudden, deep knowledge of finding your soul's intended sweeps you off your feet, making you dizzy with the butterflies and happy certainty of love.

We lacked such rapturous fortune.

Our recognition of fate came dosed in fear. It was absolute certainty wrapped tightly in nothing but the uncertain on all sides, with no air to breathe. It was the sudden lurch from familiar, solid ground to standing on the edge of a wet precipice, the wind ready to push us over at any moment. So we fought it. I swear it on the barren wasteland of all I hold dear— we did try. We fought it, until we… we couldn't. Until we had no choice but to either forfeit our sanity and suppress, or to give in to the abyss and hope we came out the other side whole.

We chose to hope.

Hope has always moved this galaxy forward. Always will. But in its progression, some get crushed beneath the wheel.

I would never separate my fate from my husband's. However, if I am allowed to speak in my own defense, he was far more prepared than I when destiny reunited us on Coruscant. He'd had a decade to process, to accept, to plan, to commit. I was late to the game. Popular thought seems to be that Anakin was the rash one— the unmanageable wild bull— and I the level-headed stoic. But I can never say enough how much I regret the pain I caused him, and the precious time wasted, as he struggled to stabilize me in the chaos alongside him. He knew we were inevitable from the first moment I stepped foot in Watto's shop. For a man infamously known for his lack of it, his patience as he waited for me to catch up to him was nothing short of astonishing. Albeit, that patience was far from perfect.

This realization of fate for a pair when thrust upon individuals in two very different stages of acceptance of it does not make for an easy-breezy love story. There were milestone moments that didn't play out like the glossy holomovies. Mutual inexperience coupled with raw intensity, making for clumsy actions and unpolished words.

But then there were those magical instances, which, unrestrained from knowing any better and ignited by our hungry want to experience, actually far surpassed possibility.

Those that would label us a toxic cocktail of abruptly rushed feelings and dramatic declarations knew scraps of the story. The closest people around us— the select few who knew— barely understood us, what we were to each other. The Jedi didn't even want to try.

So much has happened to him. To me. To us. I shoulder my share of blame without contest.

But I draw the line at any who would reduce us to shallow caricatures.

We were playful. We teased. We laughed. Oh, how Anakin could make me laugh. We bonded over losses, helping each other through grief. We fought— furiously. We made sacred amends. We peeled back sides of ourselves we hadn't yet shared with another soul. And we desired. Gods, Anakin and I desired like we'd invented it. We burned for each other like two stars going nova under our very skins, a touch both acting as the curative relief and as the explosive trigger for craving more. Professionals in the Red District of Coruscant practice for years to do with their entire bodies what we could do to each other with a single look. 'Boring' was not a word in our relationship's vocabulary.

I've been accused of falling for him too fast, before I really knew him. Such a charge is wrong on two counts. First, I knew exactly who Anakin Skywalker was when I married him. I saw firsthand glimpses of the wraith that would consume him long before most others did— even Obi-Wan. But, just as clearly, I likewise saw the good, the exorbitant amount of light in him that others failed to see. Even Obi-Wan.

And second, I did not fall for Anakin. One does not meet with the life-altering experience which made me feel more alive than anything ever had before and call it a fall. It will be difficult for the hindsight spectators with their superiority complexes to believe, but Anakin brought more excitement, passion, and joy into my life than anything I had ever known. Whether running a planet or a blockade, the nervous energy of addressing the Galactic Senate, or being surrounded in a war zone, it was all paltry compared to the rush I'd feel when his gaze simply met mine across a room. One does not fall for a man, a lover, a— forgive me, but— born pilot like Anakin Skywalker. I flew.

I acutely know this because the fall did come, only much, much later. By that point, the glorious height to which we'd soared became fatal once the descent began.

There are plenty who would have my Ani suffer eternally in hell for his crimes. I am not here to invalidate their reasons, nor to silence their cries for justice. I know what he has done. If they get their wish, my only request is this— let his same flames engulf me as well.

For this angel will gladly burn in hell by his side.

Continued at AO3 Link and Fanfiction.Net Link

[headcannonsbutwrittenbyasnake]

Remember that Lucifer weapon that Dante used in dmc 4? Imagine Yuu using it and saying the same voice lines as Dante did while throwing the spikes to make a heart and a rose that crumbled the heart

The scene:

I forgot how the jokes made up for Dante's more lackluster sections of DMC4

Note: I kinda really fucking hate my writing here, may brain hasn't been working at 100% these past few months. So this is unedited and I haven't read it over.

Since arriving in Twisted wonderland, Yuu hasn't had a boring day. But that also meant she didn't have her usual routines to do when bored. She couldn't Frisbee pizza boxes at Dante or Vergil, or go out with Nico to demon hotspots to test her new weapons. She couldn't ask Nero if she could play with some of the kids from the orphanage... So Yuu found another way to cure her boredom, the devil arms! She let them roam Ramshackle and the forest behind is as long as they caused no trouble. Neaven often enjoyed staying inside and doing small domestic task she hasn't done before. She didn't have to dust her opera stage in Temen-ni-gru, nor did she have anywhere to plant pretty flowers! And in Dante's hands she spent all of her time as a weapon, so Yuu letting her wander was a welcome change of pace. Agni and Rudra guarded out side, falling back into their old routine. The only devil arm Yuu couldn't let roam was King Cuerburus. If she did he would probably destroy Nrc, maybe even all of Sage Isle! So he was kept under metaphorical lock and key.

The only issue is stupid nosy students who think they're invincible. No, not Ace and Deuce, they've been warned many times about the weapons. The only time the devil arms are off her person is when she has P.E class. Yuu has a bad habit of being on edge and always ready to protect her self, and since P.E can get physical she didn't want to kill anyone.

So leaving her weapons on the table. Yuu left for class, locking the door behind her. Agni and Rudra where in a deep sleep in the back yard, and Neaven on her way to Mr.S's mystery shop to pick up some plants she ordered. No one would be dumb enough to break into Ramshackle, steal arguable the most dangerous devil arm in her possession, and go deep into the forest to 'test' it.

...

...

Yuu felt a familiar shiver run down her spine.

"Oh shit..."

"Why are you 'Oh shit'-ing?" The trio of two humans and a monster cat looked at her with panicked and confused faces. Yuu quickly moved to the spot under the tree where she left her coat, and picked up the small knife that fell out of the pocket, and shrugged it on.

"Tell the teacher or dorm leaders to round up all the students and get them somewhere safe, I ...have to deal with something." Grim gripped the edge of Yuu's coat. "You have to go with them Grim, it's to dangerous to come with me."

" What'dya mean, henchman? What's going on? Tell us!" Grim refused to let go of her coat. She could see Ace and Deuce agree with him.

Yuu sighed "Something happened that caused a devil arm to go haywire and get out, no I have to clean up its mess." Yuu looked over at the forest to only to see smoke rising, "Well at least I can swing by the house on my way."

Yuu started off in the direction of Ramshackle "Now go tell an adult! Things could get more messy!" And with that, she ran off.

"Agni! Rudra!" Ariving at Ramshackle Yuu saw the Devil swords in the back, still asleep. It'd take to long to wake them. So she turned to go inside.

...

Someone broke the lock on the front door. Yuu walked in and looked at the table. King Cuerburus was missing. Most likely they stole it because it was the lightest looking weapon. Yuu sighed again and rubbed her face, thinking about what to do. Something long range would be best, but Yuu wouldn't be able to stop that mutt with only summon swords. Bullets would only piss the dog off more. Neaven isn't home and electric attacks wouldn't do much anyway. All that's left is Pandora's box and Lucifer. Since the box is tricky and kinda finicky to use, Yuu picked up Lucifer putting the... thing on her back, how it stayed on no one knows.

Finally making her way to the mutt, Yuu had to brace herself. She hasn't fought any Cuerburus, let alone the so-called 'king'. Yuu just hoped those three didn't get any ideas.

Yuu arrived at the spot in the woods. Two students passed out and tossed in the bushes. Alive, she thinks.

"Sparta!" Spittled flew every where.

"Well, hello puppy dog! Goin' alittle stir crazy, maybe I should walk you more." Yuu took a large, mocking step in front of him.

"You mock me, just like your father! Unfortunately you won't be able to see him again!" And with that the fight begun.

After some time and what was pretty much Yuu beatting down King Cuerburus with him getting a few lucky hits in.

"HEEY, PERFECT! WE'RE HERE AS BACK UUUP!" Ace... it was Ace, Deuce and Grim doing exactly what she told the NOT to do!

"Are you stupid or suicidal? I told you three to get somewhere safe!"

"Well, you didn't say that part,"

"WELL IT WAS IMPLIED!" Not having her full attention on the fight, Yuu missed the ice forming on her path. She slipped and got hit with an icicle.. "You stupid mutt! I'm getting tired of this!" Yuu yelled at the Cuerburus. "Fine you three wanna help? Shoot those icicles outta the air,"

"Alright!"

After wearing him down with the small explosive spikes, one finally stuck in his skin. Shooting more, Yuu decided to teach the dog a lesson.

She formed a heart with the spikes, and while holding one, she quoted her dad. "And in the end we're all satisfied!" She threw the final spike, "And you are set free..." The mocking heart exploded, " in spirit, you know I can't really let you go, now can I? I'm a sentimental person at heart." With how much damage the mutt did to the surrounding forest, he deserved to be bullied.

"Spaarta," he wheezed "just like him, unkillable, undefeated..." where his final words before he returned to his weapon form. Yuu scooped up the nunchucks and de-materialized them.

THWUNK! Ace walked Yuu over the head "Why the hell did you fight that weird dog monster on your own? What if something happened! You're lucky Grim is a sniffer hound when it counts."

"HEEEENCHMAAAAN~" Yuu crouched down letting Grim run at her, jump, and wrap his arms around her neck. "DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! DON'T GIVE CRYPTIC INSTRUCTIONS AND THEN LEAVE ALL WORRIED! IF SOMETHING HAPPENED WHO WOULD OPEN MY TUNA CANS FOR ME~" Grim held on tight, still crying and rubbing his face into the neckline of her jacket. She just rubbed his back and let him continue. She was happy to comfort Grim and the duo, after all, they where the closest thing to family she had at the moment.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Shuu Ecstasy [08]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts in the bedroom at Eden

Shuu: From what my Familiar has told me, Kino’s location isn’t the most fun of places...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ( I wonder if I should help him get ready...? )

Selection

→ Reach out (❦)

Yui: Hey, Shuu-san? Shall I help you, perhaps?

Shuu: No. It’s not that much work, really. More importantly...

Yui: ...Eh?

Shuu: ...No, nevermind...

Yui: ...

→ Leave him be 

Shuu: ...

Yui: ( ...He seems to be lost in thought, so I guess I should just leave him be... )

( ...But just one thing. )

Yui: ...Um, Shuu-san?

Shuu: Yes? 

Yui: I’ll wait here, okay? For your return. 

You know...Even if I go with you, I’m pretty sure I’ll only be in the way...

Shuu: ...Heeh. That’s a very sensible decision coming from you. 

What are you planning, huh? Tell me. 

Yui: ...I’m not planning anything...

Shuu: Then do you have a specific reason for staying here?

Aah...It’s not because Reiji will stay behind, is it?

Yui: ...No...

I’d love to come with you, really...

( But right now, I want to lighten his burden wherever I can... )

Shuu: Hmm. I see...You want to be with me, but you’re deliberately pushing aside your own desires? 

But well, I guess that makes sense. You’ve always been good at that, haven’t you...?

*Rustle*

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“You’re a natural at begging, aren’t you? You can use the time to thoroughly think about what you want from me.” 

“Perhaps it’s your ability to hold back like that, which makes everything easier for me.”

Yui: Kyah...

Shuu: ...Then be a good girl and wait for me, okay?

If you do, I wouldn’t mind giving you a reward afterwards? 

Aah, but...I guess a punishment would be preferable for you? 

Yui: ...Don’t tease me, please...

( He’s more of a bully than usual today... )

( Almost as if he’s gone back to being his old self. )

( Before he had to worry about his powers or all those others things... )

Shuu: ...What? Are you upset or something? Then cheer up right now. 

Yui: Uu...

*Rustle*

Shuu: If I make it back here safely...

I promise that...I won’t tease you like this then.

I’ll actually spoil you rotten. 

I’ll try my hardest to make that happen...By my standards, of course.

Yui: ( Hey, Shuu-san... )

( Why would you say that? )

( Those words should fill me with joy but... )

( When you put it like that, it’s almost... )

( As if we’ll never see each other again... )

*Rustle rustle*

Shuu: ...See you, Yui.

Yui: ...Shuu-sa...ーー

ー Shuu leaves the room

*Thud*

Yui: ...

Monologue

The expression on his face as he left,

as well as his curt ‘see you’,

were no different from usual.

This is the Shuu-san I know. 

Yet,

why is it,

that I could not hold back these tears? 

Together with the three remaining Mukami brothers,

Shuu-san set off on a journey,

towards Rotigenberg. 

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall

Reiji: Let us leave the rest up to them. 

Yui: Um...Reiji-san?

Shuu-san...Might be fully prepared to die. 

Reiji: Did Shuu say that?

Yui: No, he didn’t. But...

That’s just how I feel for some reason...

( Shuu-san never truly speaks his mind... )

( Instead he ends up burdening everything by himself... )

( But it’s not because he’s selfish. )

( In fact, he actually cares more about others than anyone else. )

Reiji: ...

Yui: It seems like Shuu-san truly believes that Kino-kun is Karlheinz-san’s son.

Reiji: ...

Yui: He told me before that he confirmed it by witnessing Kino-kun’s powers first-hand.

Reiji: How is that related to Shuu having a death wish? 

Yui: He said that...Kino-kun is yet another victim to Karlheinz-san’s plan, just like himself. 

For the sake of this plan, he was dragged into this whole mess, and used like a pawn...all against his own will. 

I believe that deep down, Shuu-san pities Kino-kun...

Reiji: ...I see. In short, Father is the reason why Kino became the twisted man he is today...

In which case, as the new wielder of these powers...as well as his blood-related older brother...

There is a possibility that Shuu will do anything to stop Kino, even if this comes at the cost of his own life. 

That is what you’re fearing for, is it?

Yui: ...Yes.

Reiji: ...Well, I cannot deny that Shuu has always had such tendencies. 

While he would pretend not to care, he’d drop some kind of nonchalant remark to cover for us...

After all, for the longest time...That was exactly what I loathed so much about him...

Yui: ...

Reiji: However...Lately, I’ve been thinking. How should I put it...?

He’s just terrible at communicating his feelings (1), you could say.

Yui: Reiji-san...

( I guess he really understands Shuu-san better than anyone else... )

( For years, he’s seen both his good and bad sides from up close after all. Of course he would... )

( They’re brothers after all... )

Reiji: ...Either way, right now, all we can do is wait.

Yui: ...You’re right.

Monologue

At first glance, Shuu-san might come across as very capable,

the kind of person who can do anything without ease.

However, just like Reiji-san said,

he might actually be the very opposite. 

I wonder if that’s why,

he decides to always burden everything by himself? 

Because he’s socially awkward, and more sensitive (繊細) than anyone else...

That’s the kind of guy he is. 

I believe that is exactly,

what made me fall in love (好き) with him. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 不器用 or ‘bukiyou’ literally means ‘clumsy’ or ‘awkward’. In this case, I believe it is meant to point out Shuu’s communication skills in general though. There is so much he wants to say or do, but he’s unsure of how to go about it, so instead he puts on an uninterested facade. 

[marta-bee]

i just saw your comment on the One Thing you don't like about the PJ movies, and I was wondering... what's wrong with Denethor?

(For context: I know the books inside and out, but I haven't watched the movies, so you can expect me to know everything in Tolkien but this is also an honest question. I'm scared. What did they do to Denethor??)

What an interesting vantage-point! Usually I see people only familiar with the movies asking how the book is different, but I don't think I've ever discussed him with someone only familiar with the books. Not that there's anything wrong with not knowing the book version, but this is new.

You may want to go to the bathroom, or pour yourself a drink, because we're going to be here for a while. Deep breath. :-)

Let's start with the family drama.

Denethor is a really bad father to Boromir and Faramir, Faramir especially. He flat-out tells Faramir he'd wished he had died instead of Boromir, which is a very twisted reading of the parallel book conversation (where Faramir asks if Denethor wishes Boromir's and Faramir's roles had been reversed). Denethor comes across as uncaring and even cruel.

But more than that, because they really did away with the lord's council other than Denethor and Faramir, the strategy debates leading up to the Battle of Pelennor Fields get reduced to a father-son squabble. When Denethor asks who will ride out to defend the Rammas Echor [though in the movies it's Osgiliath], he's not saying it to a group of commanders. Faramir's the only person there to hear him, so it comes out as very passive-aggressive. That means Faramir's decision to lead the charge isn't so much a commander doing his lord's doing as a son trying to prove his worth to his father. The revelation Faramir let Frodo and Sam go doesn't come across as a treasonous decision or an earnest disagreement on how best to handle it, but a son betraying his father. It all felt so pitifully small to me, and lacking the gravitas and thematic weight of the book exchanges. I don't doubt Jackson thought it was more relatable but for me it really hollowed out Denethor's character. It also made him manipulative, and that's even before you get into the whole Pyre sequence.

Second: as a ruler, he's really ineffectual.

There's no Beregond and Bergil, no well-organized evacuation, no him wearing armor under his clothes and working diligently to the point he barely sleeps, no rebuilding of the Wall or bringing in troops from Dol Amroth and all the rest to boost the city's defenses. Minas Tirith is much more ready to defend itself in the books than (say) the Rohirrim at Helm's Deep, and Denethor's great failure is he's so focused on Gondor's defenses it's committed him to too narrow a view of the war. But he's a remarkably good ruler on those narrow terms. In the movies he's just a doddering old fool and Gondor is not only unprepared, it's not actively preparing for war until Gandalf kicks people into action.

Part of that comes down to every movie having to limit its plot points and the details it gives. And I suspect PJ wanted to show why Gondor needed a king, why Aragorn was so important. But in the process he completely failed to show why Gondor was worthy of Aragorn; I remember thinking at the time that if it was me I'd rather have ruled over Rohan. And Denethor himself is just a humiliating shell of a man, let alone of a ruler. There's one famous scene set in the Court of the White Tree where he's raving about how Mordor has come upon them and they're all doomed and Gandalf just... conks him in the head with his staff. There are guards standing on duty, but they completely fail to react to his histrionics but also Gandalf's assault on him. And it's just pitiful.

That scene's actually a recasting of another book scene, the one where Denethor releases Pippin from his service and says they should all go find their death in whatever way seems best to them. But it happens much earlier in the movies, and without any explanation for why Denethor is SO given in to despair. Which leads me to my third reason why Jackson did our steward so wrong.

The movies also take away a really central explanation for Denethor's despair: the palantir. They do have palantiri, but really only the Isengard one recovered by Gandalf and Pippin. If Denethor had one it's never mentioned. Why Denethor used it is also never mentioned, so he doesn't come across as a man who'd fought valiantly but in the process exposed himself to "truth" too heavy to bear up under. It also doesn't explain why he's so sure they were all going to die, and why Faramir was as good as dead. He's just unraveling and comes across as weak and a poor ruler, never mind person.

That's frustrating enough in the scenes leading up to the siege, but you can only imagine what it does to the Pyre episode. More than a decade later, just thinking about that whole sequence just hurts. So I find I don't want to dwell on the details, but I do need to talk about one thing: shorn of any context for why he's so certain Gondor is about to fall, his move to immolate Faramir takes on a much more controlling --even abusive-- tone. There's an element of that in the books, but without any real grounding of why he thinks their destruction is so certain, it just seems like he doesn't want anyone taking control of Faramir away from him.

(He's also denied his stately end: instead of barring the doors and the tomb of the Stewards collapsing upon him, he turns into a fireball and runs all the way back to the Citadel and jumps off the stone outcropping. To say Jackson was showing his Harryhausen influences would be an understatement. :-) )

I try to remind myself that while Denethor may well be my Blorbo, he's actually a fairly minor character in the context of the larger story, and a lot of this may come down to where Jackson needed to center his storytelling. I can appreciate that. But a lot of it was just unnecessary, and robbed him of this high tragedy that made me so love the book character. I wept at the inevitability of book-Denethor's fall; with movie-Denethor, I just groaned.

[drawlfoy]

detention retention finale p.1

masterlist (read parts 1-2 here!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: no this series is from my original idea however i did take inspo from quite a few people (credited at the bottom of this)

summary: gryffindor y/n is put to the test when she tries to use her detentions with draco malfoy to get close enough for him to share his secret. unfortunately, things are never as simple as they seem. (set in 6th year)

warnings (plz pay attention to these this time): blood, violence, mild gore, mentions of wanting to throw up, you’re just kinda not having a great time during this chapter. also, kinda dark!harry trope here. it is a little ooc, i know, but it was what worked and so i ran with it. also, i play around with the timeline of events that occur in hbp so just expect that 

a/n: the long awaited p1 of the finale is here! the second half is almost entirely written save for a few scenes, and i expect to get that out in the next few days (so much less than a week). i really appreciate you all being patient--i wrote and rewrote the potion scene about 3-4 times because it just wasn’t the vibes that i wanted, but i’m semi happy with how it turned out and at this point i’m just gonna go crazy if i keep trying to restructure it so here we go. all the loose ends will b tied up in the last part and y/n is finally gonna catch a break ;) so as always lmk what you think!

word count: 8.7k

here’s a spotify playlist inspired by this fic!

tags: @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss 

enjoy >:)

Snape’s stores were much more difficult to crack than she’d expected. She’d managed to steal one ingredient from there once, but back then all she had to do was disengage the multiple jinxes that guarded the door. Since, unfortunately, her slimy old Potions professor appeared to have felt a compulsion to fluff his nest and redecorate. A new painting was hung on the door--one of a large raven with beady, intelligent eyes that followed her as she walked past as inconspicuous as she could, no doubt preparing to fly off into the painting’s grey sky to alert his master. Her father had something similar to this in front of his Gringotts vault. She resolved to speak with him over the break to try and find a way in. 

Not like she’d had any chance to execute her plan, anyways. It had been two weeks since Y/N had so much as had a simple interaction with Draco. Every time she tried to talk to him, he turned his attention away from her, offering her a disinterested sniff in response or just outright pretending like he didn’t notice her. Pansy Parkinson seemed to take joy in this development, though she was hardly getting anything on her end save for a few dry looking conversations as Draco’s body angled away from her. 

Without the “distraction” of friendship and genuine human connection, Y/N had plenty of time to emotionally free-fall into an internal moral crisis. She supposed that Draco wasn’t expecting her to keep up her end of the deal now, just as her Gryffindor friends had given up on trying to make her useful. Physically, nothing was stopping her from walking right up to McGonagall during one of her detentions and telling her that Draco Malfoy was making an attempt on the headmaster’s life. But was it really worth it? Every time the thought crossed her mind, all she could think about was the way Draco looked when he talked about his mother, the way a shiny film glazed over his eyes and his eyebrows knit together. 

She’d made a promise. Too much was at stake. While she had failed her friends, she was at least not going to fail Draco...not when the rest of the world had betrayed him. 

Y/N was slowly sifting through thoughts like those when Katie Bell stepped foot into the Great Hall for the first time in a month. Her legs, slightly wobbly from being on bedrest for the better half of November, carried her down the aisle towards the trio of Y/N’s now ex-friends. Her soliloquy was interrupted by the familiar sound of Harry’s voice as he spoke, hushed and rather quickly, to Katie, his hands animated and his frame bent slightly lower so he could speak quietly. It didn’t take much imagination to discern what the topic of their discussion was as their eyes flickered over to the Slytherin table. She managed to hear a few snippets as the wind from the owls blew in and carried it towards her: 

“Malfoy--”

“Was it?”

“...remember?”

Katie, lips pressed into a thin line, shook her head. Harry bit his own lip and swung around to look at a blond figure further down the aisle. Draco. He was staring at the meeting, his body entirely frozen while he took it in. 

Oh, Draco.

Before either party could say anything, he was already turned around and speeding off outside of the hall. She swallowed; Harry and the rest of her Gryffindor peers were conversing and not casting a single look her way. Taking a deep breath, she got up from her seat, leaving her half eaten toast behind.

It didn’t take long to locate Draco--Myrtle’s bathroom was hardly a minute’s walk away from the Great Hall. He was in the same position she saw him there last, his head hanging over the sink basin while his body heaved.

“Draco,” she called out.

He snapped around, his eyes wild and his hair slightly wet at the tips. It occurred to her that he’d splashed his face with water. “Come around again for a formal Katie Bell confession?”

“No!” she exclaimed. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get herself past the doorway. Not when his wand was raised at her like that. “I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” he snarled. “Do you really expect me to believe anything you say?”

“Please,” said Y/N. “Please let me explain.” Despite the sting of his words, she couldn’t help but feel some degree of relief when she realized that he was finally speaking to her again, finally acknowledging her again. 

He let out a huff of disbelief. “This isn’t about you. Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter whether or not you explain. You lied to me. You put my family in danger, me in danger. And for what? A date with Potter?”

“What?” All the air left her lungs as she stared at him. “It was never like that!” 

“Save it.” His tone, a bitter blend of vileness and defeat, echoed off the stone of the bathroom floor. Y/N was overwhelmed with the urge to run up to him and just beg him to forgive her, but the fire in his eyes and the angry twist of his mouth told her that that wasn’t an option. Instead, she slowly crept towards him. His eyes blazed as she neared him holding her hands up. “Please, Draco. I’m begging you.” 

His composure slipped, his wand shaking slightly in the air while he caught his bottom lip on his teeth and stared at her with a look she couldn’t quite place. She was just about to ask him about it when a pair of footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom.

“I know what you did, Malfoy!” Harry appeared, brandishing his wand and pointing it at him with conviction. “You hexed her, didn’t you? Katie?”

Draco sucked in a wheezy breath, struggling to stand up entirely straight as he held his wand at the ready. 

“You’re not even gonna deny it?”

“Let me guess, Y/L/N couldn’t get a confession out of me so you’re here to pick up the slack?” Draco finally snarled. “How cute.” 

“Shut up!” roared Harry. She’d never seen him look so furious before. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think I do,” he said menacingly, the usual cool confidence she associated with him slowly reappearing in his demeanor as he twirled his wand around his fingers. Y/N finally let out the breath she was holding as Harry zeroed his focus on her. 

“And just what are you doing here?” he hissed. “Hermione was right, huh? You were with him the entire time. I can’t believe I expected anything different from you.”

Despite the fighting nature of the words coming from one of her best friends, she couldn’t help but glance at Draco as confusion briefly rippled through his features. 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know that she was being shunned by her friends for not telling them anything.

“I was just checking on him!” she wailed.

Visibly unsatisfied with the answer, Harry just scoffed and aimed his wand at Draco. “You’re going to confess what you did or I’m going to make you regret it.”

Harry wasted no time with firing off the first spell--a weakly cast Stupefy that hardly missed her head as Draco’s Protego ricocheted it in her direction. She yelped as she dodged it, smacking into the side of the stall door and falling on the ground unceremoniously hard. Frantically, she dug through the pockets of her cloak to locate her wand, but she was too late. A flash of light was headed her way.

Instead of it smacking into her chest with the force of a curse, the green light spread around her, creating a shield-like sphere. She met Draco’s eye’s briefly in shock. 

He’d cast a protection spell on her. In the middle of a duel that she was hardly formally a part of, he cast a protection spell on her.

“Diffindo!” The puddles from the eternal broken faucet glowed red as Harry parried Draco’s attack. It again went flying in her direction, breaking through the shell of the Fion Duris charm. In a stroke of luck, she rolled out of the way. A light blue flash followed from Draco--a nonverbal.

Finally. Y/N managed to close her hands around her wand, mind racing with thoughts of who she’d disarm first. Her wand had just begun to point towards Harry as the aftershocks of a Levicorpus charm slammed her to the ground once again, her wand bouncing on the cobbled stone once before rolling under the stall door. Y/N swore. “Harry, stop it!”

Harry was clearly losing composure. Despite his magical talent, the speed at which he was rattling off curses compromised his control...and his aim. Draco sent a few Fion Duris and Protego Maxima charms her way, but it still didn’t help when Harry had completely lost it. 

Things turned for the worst when his Tergeo actually sliced Y/N--just barely, but enough to draw a significant amount of blood in her wand arm. Even if she wanted to try and find her wand behind the toilets, she wasn’t even sure if she had the strength to fire off anything.

Her cry of pain prompted Draco to immediately turn his attention from Harry, angling his body towards her instead, an indistinguishable expression etched into his face as he took in the bloodstained white sleeve of her arm. 

Under normal circumstances, Y/N would’ve swooned at the fact that he willingly forfeited the duel just to check on her. But these weren’t normal circumstances, and Harry’s rage-filled expression and clenched jaw reminded her of this as he reeled his arm back and shouted out, “SECTUMSEMPRA!”

She didn’t think about it. To her credit, there really was no time to think. The cracking crimson light flashing towards Draco’s distracted figure was enough for her to launch herself at him with the intent of knocking them both to the ground--but she was too late, far too late. Glowing red light encased her entire body for a few tense milliseconds before she crumpled to the ground.

The Sectumsempra curse felt like every single nerve ending in her chest was being massaged with a sharp knife. Hot, sticky blood filled her mouth as she blinked, glassy-eyed and dazed, up at the ceiling. Distantly she could hear familiar voices over her body. There was a wet warmth that bloomed on her chest. She managed to glance down at her midsection to see an array of deep, short slashes scattered across her torso. 

“Am I okay?” Her voice sounded tinny and funny to her. A pair of light gray eyes came into her vision as she managed another breath. “Draco? Is that you?”

If he leaned closer, she couldn’t tell. His face was beginning to swim in her vision, blending in with the glass ceiling. Finally, a familiar voice, albeit strained and cracking: “You’re okay.”

She felt something shaky brush past her cheek and the coolness of metal rings dance over her skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. You’re going to be okay.” He sounded so far away for someone who was leaning right over her. She could see out of the corner of her eye a figure, cloaked in dark robes, raise its wand and recite an unfamiliar incantation. The metallic taste in her mouth began to subside as she felt the warm stickiness of her own blood seep back into her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for but doing it anyway. She thought she could feel the warmth of someone’s fingers softly cupping her face, but it could’ve been the heat of the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. In that moment, she was overwhelmed with the desire to just be held, to not be lonely. “Please don’t go,” she begged. 

The last thing she heard was a tense, “...Okay.” Then everything went black.

~

Y/N spent the majority of her break obsessing over the last memory she had of Draco--the startled way in which he gazed down at her as she bled out in Myrtle’s bathroom and felt his soft hands brush the hair away from her face. It was almost as if there had never been a problem between the two of them, like he’d forgiven her at that moment, but she knew that wasn’t true. Their last Potions class together had made that very clear. While he, thank Merlin, wasn’t letting Pansy hang off him like he did in 4th year, he still pointedly ignored her even though she had to nearly hobble into class. So why had he looked so worried if he didn’t care? And why, whilst surfing the high of a cocktail of pain potions, did she feel like she remembered someone with light blond hair at her side in the hospital wing?

“And you’re sure your bandages are comfortable?” Her mother interrupted her train of thought,, the plate of ethically-sourced willowbird lying completely untouched in front of her. 

“Yes, Mum,” groaned Y/N for what had to be the hundredth time of her Christmas break. “I told you. Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey made me their top priority over the last week of school. They say that I won’t even need them come January.”

Mrs. Y/L/N hummed as she delicately picked through her salad. 

“I can’t believe that Potter boy’s nerve,” said Mr. Y/L/N from the foot of the table. “Hexing his own friend like that?”

“Dad, he didn’t even know what it did!”

“Exactly! What kind of person does that?”

“He’s just stressed,” Y/N mused, though she was personally a tad miffed at the fact that she’d been brutalized by someone she once considered her best friend. “And he was a little angry at me. He thinks I’m in cahoots with Death Eaters.”

“Ridiculous.” Mrs. Y/L/N vigorously shook her head. “Anyways, dear, no relation to the previous topic: I ran into Minerva at Wurgie’s the other day while I was shopping for gifts. She told me something very peculiar. Is it true you’ve become friends with the Malfoy boy?”

Y/N paled. Dealing with the backlash of Hermione, Harry, and Ron had been bad enough, but her own parents? Over the winter holidays? “Draco?” 

“Yes, unless the Malfoys have another son I’m not aware of.”

“Well…” Y/N searched her mother’s face for any sign of animosity but found nothing but genuine curiosity. “Yes. We both had det--I mean, we were partnered for a class project together in Potions. He seems to have grown up a little.”

Oblivious to the slip up, her mother nodded. “Interesting. I was actually quite close with Narcissa myself back in the day. The Malfoys certainly don’t have a great track record of picking the right side, but we were two quaffles in a case throughout our schooling.”

“You knew Mrs. Malfoy?” asked Y/N, her eyes wide. “I had no idea!”

“Of course, we disagreed on the pureblood values and traditions that should be followed with children,” continued Mrs. Y/L/N, “But despite that, she was always kind. I hope she’s faring well.”

Y/N gulped as an idea slowly began to form in her mind. “Er, Mum, actually...Draco told me some things about...well, his mother.”

Both of her parents perked up. 

“So you know how you guys always talk about how the Order owes you a favor for the time you went undercover in the first Wizarding War?” asked Y/N. They both nodded. “Do you think...we could cash that in right about now?”

~

A month later, Y/N stood in front of the painting that hung on Snape’s door, frowning at the raven that stared right back at her, daring her to try and open the door. In all the excitement of Christmas and explaining to her relatives that she’d nearly been murdered by her ex-best friend in a haunted bathroom, she had completely forgotten to ask her father how to distract a charmed guardian painting, and it’d hardly be beneficial to owl him during a busy work month. It was still completely up to her.

The dungeons sent a certain chill through her bones as she ran through possible plans, prompting her to tuck her hands into her pockets and shiver so hard that she didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching. 

“What are you doing down here?” came the snotty, posh voice that she knew belonged to Pansy Parkinson.

“Parkinson,” Y/N greeted, snapping her head up to see that she didn’t come alone. Draco strode next to her, though he wouldn’t look at her directly. “Come for a rematch?”

Parkinson pulled out her wand and scoffed. “Wasn’t planning on it, but if you’re offering…”

“Pansy!” Draco hissed, yanking her away and forward. “We have places to be. Don’t waste your time.”

“But--”

“She almost got killed by Potter, like, yesterday,” he continued in a hushed voice. “Do you really want to make that worse?”

Parkinson sent her one last sour look before she was dragged off by Draco (who still refused to make eye contact with her). Y/N slumped against the wall, wincing as one of her injured spots bumped against a protruding stone. Why was he ignoring her? He’d protected her during the duel. He was even the one who stood over her as she lay crumpled on the floor. 

A lump began growing in her throat again as she realized just how lonely she was. With her friends gone, all she had now was...her owl, Edison? Yes, that was it. Edison and Hannah Abbott, who clearly was just letting her sit next to her for meals out of pity. Y/N wished that she had the strength to sit alone and just say fuck it so she wouldn’t have to be the kickstart to a bleeding-heart Hufflepuff’s philanthropy career, but she was already beat down enough as she was. Sitting alone would just seal the deal in her new life as a social reject who dreaded classes where the professors let you choose partners. It was like she was a shy first year again, too nervous to talk to anyone and instead sitting alone at the breakfast table, praying that she’d make friends with someone, anyone, even though she was too afraid to figure out how.

And then came Ron, the sweet ginger boy who she’d met once when she went to a wizarding play with her dad. He’d plopped into the space next to her one day, eyeing the untouched plate of toast in front of her.

“You gonna eat that?” he’d asked. Y/N had just stared, mouth agape that someone was actually talking to her. “Hey, you’re the Y/L/N girl, right? My dad works with yours.”

Without waiting for her reply, he’d just popped the piece of toast in his mouth and continued talking at her as if they were old friends. Before she knew it, she was getting swept up into the social swirl of Harry Potter and his friends, helping them as they made their way through Hogwarts and took on the challenges brought upon them by Voldemort and his cronies. For once in her life, Y/N felt like she actually belonged. 

And she’d thrown all of that away. 

“Y/N?” 

An unfamiliar, dreamy voice sounded from a little further down the dark hall, snapping Y/N out of it. She hadn’t even noticed, but she’d slid down to the ground and tucked herself into a ball. When she touched her face, she felt wetness on her cheeks. The raven in the painting made some kind of weird cackling sound.

“Who’s there?”

A girl in Ravenclaw robes, strange eyeglasses, and shockingly white-blond hair that rivaled Draco’s stepped into sight. Luna Lovegood. She’d seen her a few times--mostly during the Dumbledore’s Army meetings they’d both attended last year--but had never had a private, one-on-one conversation with her beyond the time that Y/N threw a protection charm to protect her from Bellatrix’s Avada Kedavra at the Ministry and she’d thanked her. 

“I thought I heard you talking to someone,” said Luna as she settled in next to her, crossing her legs. “Isn’t Snape’s raven lovely?”

“I suppose so,” mused Y/N. 

“His name is Marvin,” continued Luna, “and he always listens.”

“Huh?” Y/N balked, giving Luna a funny look. No wonder they call her Loony Lovegood she thought. “It--he can...talk?”

“Oh, yes,” said Luna, apparently not noticing her confusion. “Marvin is quite the conversationalist, to be honest. Snape is a very fortunate wizard to have him in his possession.”

As if to accent her point, Marvin crowed a few times.

“I was actually coming here to have a chat with him about you,” said Luna. “I think it’s terribly unfair how your friends are treating you. I thought that Marvin might know what to do. He always seems to.”

“Luna,” Y/N murmured, not expecting the way that her eyes began to swim with tears. “You...you really think so? I’ve been feeling so awful about what I’ve done…”

If she seemed taken aback by Y/N’s emotional outburst, she didn’t show it in the slightest. “Y/N, you just care about other people. And you know what it’s like to be lonely, so I understand why you didn’t want to leave someone alone when they felt that way, even if it was Malfoy.”

Y/N bit her lip to keep the tears from spilling over.

“My mother had this saying about kindness,” said Luna softly. “She told me that it’s easy to be kind to people you already love. But you can really tell how caring someone is by how they treat those who are different.”

Marvin made a sound that was eerily similar to a jackhammer in the background.

“Thank you,” managed Y/N, letting the girl pull her into a hug. “I...I can’t say that enough. I really needed to hear that.”

“I know,” Luna replied wistfully. “I’m sure your friends will come around, too.”

“I sure hope so.” She swallowed, giving her a small smile as Luna squeezed her hand. 

“Marvin is such a funny bird.” Luna shifted onto her feet, creeping towards the painting. “He loves shiny things. Now that I know the spell that weakens the barrier between the natural and painted world, I like to give him things sometimes. If he likes it enough, he’ll fly off to his flock to gloat to his murder for the rest of the day. He’s so proud.”

Something clicked in Y/N’s head. Was this her answer as to how to distract Marvin?

“It’s Transcendere, if you were wondering,” continued Luna, making to walk away. “Just in case you wanted to know. I can’t imagine why you’d need to, though. Anyways, I’m off to meet with Snape over a few questions on the exam. I don’t imagine he’ll be around here for the next hour!”

Before she could even thank her, Luna was already gone and down the hall. Y/N felt her pockets frantically, trying to find one thing that might appeal to the raven. He looked at her expectantly.

Her only piece of jewelry was her family ring, and apart from her obvious personal ties to the object, something told her that giving Snape’s guard bird a concrete identifier as to who broke into his stores would not be wise. So that left….She reached into her pocket, taking out the glittery quill that Draco had gifted her last fall. Giving it one last look and closing her fist around the feather one last time, she thought about how much she wished to go back to the simpler time.

Marvin made a little chirp, snapping her out of her reverie. 

“Transcendere.”

The quill poked through the canvas and into the scene, slowly changing so it fit the art style that the painter used to bring the raven to life. He wasted no time snatching it out of her grip, giving an appreciative gargle before he took off, flying away into the grey sky.

She was in. A quick Alohomora charm opened the door, and Y/N made quick work of deactivating the jinxes that guarded the entrance and was happy to see that he hadn’t changed anything else with his security measures. Finding the potion was easy, and before she knew it, she had reset all the security charms, shut the door, and made her way all the way up to the Gryffindor tower with the vial tucked firmly in her pocket. 

~

Getting Draco alone was the hardest part of her plan. Every time she saw him, he was either surrounded by a gaggle of Slytherins or darting off down side corridors that she could never quite locate. Carrying around the vial of stolen potion was getting increasingly stressful, too, especially now that their DADA class with Snape was coming up. He had to have noticed that his stores were broken into at that point, but given that he hadn’t stopped a meal yet to berate the student body on the importance of integrity and “keeping one’s grabby hands to themselves”, Y/N assumed she was somewhat in the clear. On the bright side, Y/N was enjoying mealtime much more now that she was eating with Luna. Her new friend even convinced her to go to the library with her one night to study--something that Y/N was not too familiar with. 

They’d left right before the library closed, going their separate ways. Something crossed Y/N’s mind as she realized what day it was--Saturday. Draco always worked on the cabinet on Saturdays, and of course he wasn’t going to bring his friends along with him. 

Quietly, she sank down next to the stone wall at the entrance, waiting for Draco to exit. She waited, and waited, and waited. Y/N was just beginning to wonder if Draco had switched his schedule around when the telltale sound of stone bricks scraping against each other snapped her to attention.

Draco looked more frazzled than usual as he stepped out of the newly-constructed entrance, his hands shakily running through his hair and his tie out of place. Y/N felt a sudden pang of guilt at the thought that she was going to add even more stress to his night.

“Draco,” she said, standing up and teetering at the sudden motion.

He started at the sight of her before setting his jaw and turning to continue a walk down in the opposite direction. 

“Please,” breathed Y/N, jumping forward to latch onto his wrist. “I need to talk to you.”

He immediately snatched his hand away, his scowl deeping in his features. “I don’t have time for this,” he said, though sheer exhaustion seemed to replace the usual venom in his voice. “If you’re here to apologize, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But--”

“I don’t have time,” he repeated once again, desperation seeping into the edges of his tone. “I don’t have the time to figure out whether or not I can trust you again.”

“Then let me make it easier.” Y/N reached into her pocket, producing the potion vial that had miraculously not been shattered after she’d carried it for so long. Draco arched an eyebrow. “Run a diagnostic spell on it. I want you to know that I’m being completely honest.”

“Y/L/N, I told you, I don’t want--”

“Please, Draco,” she pleaded, holding it out to him. “Just do it for me. If you do it, we’ll be even for what happened in Myrtle’s bathroom. I’ll leave you alone if you tell me to.”

He sucked in a breath, begrudgingly casting the spell. The vial glowed and cast a bright emerald light on his surprised features. “How did you get that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” rushed Y/N. “Just ask me anything. I’ll take it if you want.”

He looked like he was about to leave her in the corridor alone, so she did the only thing she could think of--uncorking the vial and downing it all in one go. It went down like water, hardly feeling like anything. She was surprised. Wasn’t it supposed to feel more compelling?

“Y/N, you are such an idiot sometimes,” he growled, but he turned back to her anyway. “Okay. Fine. Did Granger put you up to talking to me?”

“No. Harry did,” answered Y/N, the words coming spilling out of her mouth without her even thinking. Draco’s briefly softened expression immediately hardened. 

“I suppose that answers it then,” he snapped. “I’m not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.”

“Ask me something else!” cried Y/N. “Something you don’t already know the answer to.”

His silence was evidence enough that she was maybe, potentially, possibly getting to him. Something twanged in the pits of her stomach, reminding her of the time that she’d eaten bad fish in Greece and was sick for days, but she cast the thought aside for just a moment as he finally responded.

“This is ridiculous,” he clipped. She waited, turning the empty vial over in her hands. Finally, after a few agonizing moments of silence, his voice sounded again. “Why are your friends mad at you?”

Just as she was about to tell him, the tell-tale sound of footsteps and a cat’s meow echoed down the corridor. Filch. Panic-stricked, Y/N launched herself in the direction of the Room before a hand closed over her forearm and pulled her back.

“That’ll take too long,” Draco whispered, so close to her that she could feel his breath on her neck and had to try not to shudder. Without waiting for her response, he yanked her into the broom closet across the corridor and softly shut the door. 

It became fairly apparent that the broom closet was perhaps not the best hiding space for two adults, a fact that Y/N quickly noticed as she realized that the only place she could comfortably place her hands was lightly on top of Draco’s chest. His own hands pressed into the wall on either side of her head as he used it to push himself as far away from her as possible. When her eyes flickered up, she could see in the dim light that he’d shut his eyes. She couldn’t blame him--when she ran the plan through in her head, it rarely ever included getting stuck in a tiny broom closet together, and it never crossed her mind that it could happen before he’d even forgiven her. 

“I heard something too, my pretty.” Filch’s voice floated down the corridor as he neared them. She sucked in her breath, intent to hold it. She wished that she could cast a Silencio on the broom closet, but there was no way to be able to do that in such close range. Plus, she was quite preoccupied with the churning in her stomach that was getting significantly worse. 

Filch’s steps were getting louder as he called out, “Anyone there?”

“Yes,” Y/N let as a tortured, strangled whine. Realization flickered across Draco’s face as his hand shot out to clamp over her lips. She tried not to focus on how warm and nice his skin felt touching her and instead on the fact that Filch was still walking.

The footsteps finally paused outside of the broom closet. Y/N could feel Draco’s heart racing under her palm. She vaguely registered that her hands had long since curled into fists, clinging onto his shirt. 

“Anyone in here?”

“Mmph,” responded Y/N, hardly able to enunciate anything over the death grip Draco had on her face. This only made the lurching in her middle worse, so bad that she felt like she had bile rising in her throat.

“My lovely? What’s that?” A cat’s meow rang out from across the corridor. “Over by the Charms classroom?” Another meow. The sound of quick shuffling would’ve come to Y/N as a relief if she didn’t feel like she was about to puke the entire contents of her stomach up on Draco Malfoy’s hand.

“Thank Merlin.” Draco exhaled. Y/N could feel his shoulders relax under the grip she had on his shirt and took note of the fact that he smelled very strongly of that stupid rich scent in her Amortentia, something that was somewhat difficult when the cramping in her stomach had gotten so bad that she could hardly stand up straight.

Then he let his hand drop.

“They’re mad at me because I didn’t tell them about you.” The words came spilling out so fast and without prompt that Y/N felt like she was out of body, watching someone else speak for her. “I couldn’t ever bring myself to hurt you like that because even though you’ve been mean to me and my friends and I technically have no reason to want to protect you, I still do and it’s just so complicated because I thought I was just being a good person or whatever but honestly now that I think about it f it came down to it I would choose you over anyone else here and that’s scary and ohmygodIcan’tstop--” Y/N managed to suck in a small breath as the magic in her system propelled her forward, barely catching the widened eyes of Draco, “--It’s been so hard being away from you and I understand why you’re angry at me and I’m such a hypocrite for being upset that you were a Death Eater when I didn’t tell you why I started talking to you in the first place but I couldn’t just confess to you when I finally had a reason to spend time with you and I didn’t want to fuck it all up but I did and Draco please help I can’t stop I want to so badly you were never supposed to know all of this I thought that it would just make me tell the truth not everything--”

“I know,” His hand came up one more time, covering her mouth and muffling her voice. Without being able to move her lips, the words died down once again while the waves of nausea and agony hit in their place. Draco’s face had once again adopted that unreadable, somewhat sad expression as he moved his free hand so he could thumb away the tears that were collecting on her cheeks. Her fingers twisted into the soft fabric of his button down as she choked back a sob against his hand. “I know. That was really fucking stupid, even for you. You do know you’re not supposed to take more than an ounce of Veritaserum, right? This is going to take forever to get through your system. You just have to let it run its course. I’m sorry.” The potion was closing in around her throat as she blinked up at him through tear-ridden lashes. “I hear Filch escorting a student to McGonagall. This is our chance to get out.”

Y/N nodded as best as she could without loosening his hold on her, and they were creeping out of the broom closet and slowly making their way down the hall as silently as possible. He was to her right, his left arm slung around her shoulder so he could keep her quiet without sacrificing too much of his balance. He pulled her away from the direction of the Gryffindor dorms.

“Not happening,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing past her ear. He was so close. She shivered. “Filch went that way. Plus, I need to keep an eye on you until you’re back to normal.”

She nodded again. By some miracle, they made it to the Slytherin dorms without much of a hiccup beyond the awkward shuffle down the stairs. “Purity,” muttered Draco, prompting the cobblestones to rearrange themselves into a door. “Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me.”

Y/N scoffed behind his hand. The Slytherin common room was, thankfully, entirely empty, but very eerie and cold. She tried to open her mouth to tell him that he’d obviously drawn the short straw when it came to lodging, but when she felt his palm tighten over her lips, she was reminded that that wasn’t an option. 

“Here we are,” murmured Draco, his voice still low and careful as he led her to the end of the hall of the boys’ dormitories. Something other than the effects of the Veritaserum she consumed set off the butterflies inside of her once again when she thought about the fact that she was really going to see Draco’s dorm room. His door, black and heavy, was completely unblemished apart from the silver numbers of his room. 

Before she could think any further, he turned the knob and spun her so he was looking right down at her. “The less you talk, the longer it’s going to take for you to be normal again. Try not to be too loud, though. I wanted to sleep tonight.” With that, he released her once again.

“You have really nice hands,” she blurted out, immediately clapping her own palm over her mouth again.

“Oh.” An uncharacteristic blush rose in his cheeks. 

Squeezing her eyes shut and steeling herself for whatever was about to come out of her mouth next, she let her hand fall. “I--I actually think I can control some of what I say now.” She took one more breath in to check. “Yeah. Thank god. It’s not just...coming out of me anymore.”

“I’m not too surprised,” he said. “You were on quite a roll back there in the broom closet.”

“So, um…” She shuffled her feet. “Are we good now, do you think?”

Draco sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone willingly down two state terrorist interrogation sessions worth of Veritaserum just to apologize to me. So, yeah, I guess. I think you should probably try and get some sleep. Chances are it’ll wear off some by tomorrow morning.” With that, he rested his hands on her shoulders and steered her towards his bed.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked, sinking down onto his black silk bedding and meeting his eyes.

He shrugged. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything before you sleep?”

“I’d really like it if you held me until I fell asleep,” Y/N said so quickly that she didn’t even have a chance to look away from him. He blanched, his eyebrows raising but his lip quirking up. 

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were going to ask for water or something.”

“Draco, please don’t be mean,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to say it. It just came out. I would like some water, though.”

“Your wish is my command,” he drawled, disappearing into his bathroom before coming out with an empty glass that he cast a quick Aquamenti into. “Go slow. I really don’t want you coughing up water on my sheets.”

“Me neither,” she said between sips. “Merlin knows I’ve embarrassed myself enough already.”

When she finished, she handed it out to him. “Thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. I mean it.”

He snorted on his way to put the glass away. “Of course you do. That’s the beauty of Veritaserum.”

“You’re actually funny sometimes, you know,” she said. 

Draco smirked at her again. “Veritaserum. You’re doing wonders for my ego tonight.”

While he was doing whatever he was before getting into bed, Y/N went ahead and slipped under the sheets, rolling over onto her back so she was closest to the wall. She felt the bed slightly dip to her left and a throat clear.

“What is it now?” muttered Y/N. 

“You know, it’s really hard for me to do what you asked when you’re on your back like that,” he said.

“What?”

“Like, do you want me to be on top of you or something?”

“What are you even talking about?”

Draco huffed and reached his hands out to grab her shoulders once again, turning her to face him. Before she could register what was happening, she felt his own hands come around under her arms to rest on her back. Her head lay on the swath of skin between his shoulder and his collarbone, and she could feel the quickening of his pulse. “There. Honestly.”

“This is really nice,” Y/N blurted out, physically cringing when she realized that in her position she couldn’t easily cover her mouth. 

“Yeah?” She could feel the laugh rattle through his diaphragm.

“Yes.” Y/N huffed. “Stop asking me questions. This isn’t very kind of you.”

He let out another light laugh, his fingers moving to thread through her hair. “Is this okay?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve wanted--” Y/N buried her face into his shoulder, silencing the words that were about to come out of her mouth. “Oh, my god,” she said after she resurfaced. “I think I want to take a vow of silence after this is over.”

Y/N could hear his smile as he offered her a, “What a load of good that thought is doing you now.”

“Please, just knock me unconscious until it all goes away,” she groaned. 

“Stop demeaning my work,” he said, mock offense creeping into his tone as he continued to card his fingers through her hair in soothing motions. “What do you think I’m trying to do? If you want me to give you blunt force head trauma, then just say so. Sheesh.”

She sighed dramatically. “At this point, maybe.”

“Seriously, though, are you feeling okay? That was a lot of Veritaserum,” he murmured. 

“I’m just feeling mortified right now,” she answered. 

“You still need to tell me where you got it.”

“Oh. I stole it. From Snape.”

All at once, Draco dropped his hands and pulled slightly away so he could gape down at her. “You did what now?”

“Yeah,” she said, confusion creeping into her tone. “It really wasn’t that hard, you know. I’ve done it before.”

“When?”

She felt another lurching sensation. All of the questioning was starting to make her stomach turn again. “I was a second-year. Harry had to brew Polyjuice Potion and he needed an ingredient we couldn’t find anywhere else.”

Draco let out a low whistle. “At twelve?”

“Eleven. My birthday hadn’t come around yet.” 

“That’s…” He’d shifted so she wasn’t pressed up to him, catching his lip between his teeth as he thought. Y/N hadn’t made much notice of this development as the growing pain in her midsection grew. “That’s quite a lot for a kid.” The way his hair glowed in the soft moonlight made her heart twinge. It looked so soft. Y/N noticed that she’d been staring at him for far too long without saying something when he blinked, planning on opening her mouth to apologize or crack a joke when instead:

“I have the biggest crush on you.” The words left her lips without any prior consent, the consonants and vowels forming before she could even think.

He was completely frozen in place, his expression entirely unreadable.

 “Oh, god, and now I’ve ruined it all because I know you said that I didn’t have a chance that one time in detention and you don’t see me like that and I’m pretty sure you’re with Pansy and even if you weren’t I’m not enough for you and I wish I hadn’t taken this stupid potion but I know that I’d do it a hundred times over if it meant that you would trust me--”

Her words stopped abruptly as Draco silenced her--not with his hand, but by placing his lips on hers. The kiss was brief and shy, more of a question in nature than a statement. Her fingers curled around the collar of his shirt as he pulled away, a rather frazzled and deer-in-the-headlights look etched into his features. 

She was speechless. Absolutely, completely, irrevocably speechless. Despite the insistent gnawing of the Veritaserum at the lining of her stomach, she could only manage to blink owlishly up at him, mouth agape.

“Are you okay?” His voice was low. 

“Ehm…” Her lips refused to move. Draco frowned, dropping his hands from her sides and sitting up straighter. Something impartial washed over his features, turning his expression from hurt to uninterested, like he’d woken up from a pleasant nap and was snapped back to reality. His legs pulled away so no part of her body was touching him.

“I--er, didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I just wanted to make you quiet again, y’know, before you said anything else you regretted. And I thought that...kissing you would shock your system enough to make you stop talking.”

Her cheeks turned a violent red as she realized the depth of his statement. “So you...don’t see me like that?” 

“No.” He ran his fingers through his hair once, took in a deep breath, and dropped his gaze to the comforter. “You should go to sleep. Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”

At the very least the potion was beginning to settle in her stomach as Draco’s breathing turned slow over the next hour or so. She didn’t know all too much about the mechanics of Veritaserum, but at this point, she had almost nothing left to confess anyways. 

Y/N tore her eyes away from his sleeping form, turning around to face the wall. His bed was soft. And it smelled like him, like the perfect blend of black tea and sage and snobbery that was in her Amortentia. She squeezed her eyes shut and wished to be anywhere but there. When he kissed her, it felt like he wanted her. Yes, of course he was timid, but she’d thought he was just nervous. But what was there for him to be nervous about? She’d already confessed under literal truth serum. He knew how she felt, and he didn’t even say sorry for kissing her and telling her he didn’t mean it like that. He still didn’t want her. Of course he didn’t when Pansy Parkinson in all her obnoxious Slytherin perfection was right fucking there. 

She was just beginning to feel sleep tug on the strings of her consciousness as she felt her hair get tucked behind her ear by a warm hand coming around from behind. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s better this way, you’ll see. It wouldn’t be fair if I...if it was different.” Despite his words, he let his fingers brush over his jaw as he moved closer, his shoulder lightly pressing into her back.

At that moment, there were so many things that Y/N wanted to say, ranging from “I am never going to live this moment down because I’m positively lovesick over you” to “I am going to beat you up for kissing me and then telling me it didn’t mean anything after I confessed.” Two schools of thought, neither of them perfectly encapsulating the true essence of her feelings. Her most traitorous thoughts told her to stay still and enjoy the final moments of affection she’d get from Draco, but she’d given into impulse a little too much that night. 

He must’ve noticed that her breathing had changed because he suddenly shifted his weight onto his free arm, keeping his hand poised by her neck. 

“Please stop touching me.” The words that came out of her mouth sounded much more pathetic than they did in her head, a voice crack finding its way into the final syllables. He jolted away.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“I thought…” He swallowed. “I thought you liked it when I touched you.”

“Yeah, before you told me you didn’t feel the same way,” she mumbled. “I really would appreciate it if you didn’t make me rehash that again. Today has been humiliating enough. I’m not looking to set a record or something here.”

She’d thought that her quip was pretty good, but Draco remained completely humorless. “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. It was stupid of me to act on impulse like that. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Never meant to--” She stopped in her tracks, instead letting out a sharp huff. “Nevermind. I don’t want a fight right now. I just want to sleep.”

Much to Y/N’s horror, her throat began to tighten up again with the tell-tale coming of tears. The next breath she exhaled was embarrassingly shaky and loud, and the movement that it sparked in Draco was even more mortifying. He made a small sound of sympathy. “C’mere, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know that must’ve hurt you.”

Undecided between feeling pissed and just wanting to forgive him, she slowly sat up and faced him. His arms were out in a motion of invitation, an unreadable expression in his eyes. 

“You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.” The Veritaserum in her system didn’t care much about her emotional turmoil, much to her horror. Y/N began to turn away, a watery scowl fixed firmly on her face, but Draco’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. 

“If I...wanted to be with you,” he began, his tone careful and clipped, “It would never work. Okay? Trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong.”

“I kind of did.”

“Yeah, well, we both did. But I don’t want you to think that I, er, never thought about it.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t quite sure what the underlying meaning of that was. 

“So... “ He motioned again with open arms. “Do you...want to? I’ll play with your hair again until you fall asleep.”

Y/N stared at him, completely astonished. “Why? If you don’t see me like that, then why?”

“I’m not going to sleep tonight anyways,” he said softly. “And I want to help you feel better.”

She opened her mouth with the hopes of a biting retort coming out, but instead she was met with silence. Against her better judgement, she set her clenched her jaw and gave in. 

His arms were wrapped around her in an instant as she tentatively settled back into his chest, her hands lightly rested on his shoulders. Despite the humiliating previous events, it didn’t feel awkward, especially when Draco’s long fingers slowly threaded through her locks and brushed past her neck. A small, forbidden sigh of contentment left her lips when he let his touch linger over the back of her neck. His deep, slow breathing and the steady beat of his heart began to lull her to sleep. 

The next morning, she was able to lie convincingly enough to Draco, telling him her name wasn’t Y/N Y/L/N and that she was 80 years old. Confident that she wasn’t about to spill all of his secrets to the student body, he told her she was free to go. 

“Draco?” she asked poised by his door.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ll see you much after this? You know, now that we aren’t Potions partners and don’t have detention together anymore?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe when this is all over, I’ll see you around at pureblood functions or whatever.”

“Yeah.” Y/N tried not to think about the implications of pureblood functions still existing in the future after this. What kind of world did Draco think this would turn into? “But this is probably it, right? The last time I’ll see you like this?”

She didn’t even need to see his nod. She knew. That’s why he offered to play with her hair despite not even liking her--it was his way of apologizing for roping her into this, for tricking her, for shutting her out, for the Sectumsempra curse...for everything. His way of apologizing before they parted ways. 

final a/n: ty for reading! first off, congrats to the anons that guessed veritaserum. that shit took me forever to write bc i had such high expectations but it turned out to be quite the challenging scene since i still had to juggle draco’s conflicting emotions/distrust and the fact that i really wanted him to make her feel better fjdkas; i thought i’d mention someone who helped me write this (even tho i don’t think they realized how much they helped lmao)L i’d like to thank my 🌟 anon for giving me some inspiration. i was struggling with the first half of this story in terms of pacing for quite some time but found some help in an ask they sent me mentioning how they related to y/n feeling lonely/would like to see luna and neville mentioned. unfortunately, i haven’t quite been able to fit neville in yet (and i’m not sure if i can without it seeming just like a random extra bit of story that isn’t helpful to the plot), but hearing some affirmation that y/n’s loneliness was something that actually resonated w them really helped. it made me realize that the isolation from her friends/draco didn’t have to just be a logical turn of events for the plot to proceed in a sensical way and instead could be used to explore y/n’s character. i hope you all enjoyed! i promise the stuff w her dad and the order will be cleared up next chapter