#get ready for even more new scenes and twists on old familiar ones

[makingqueerhistory]

Queer Book Recommendations

Every once in a while I like sharing some queer book recommendations on here as I read a lot and I get requests to share some of the books I love, so here we go! 

Tell Me I'm Worthless: Three years ago, Alice spent one night in an abandoned house with her friends Ila and Hannah. Since then, things have not been going well. Alice is living a haunted existence, selling videos of herself cleaning for money, going to parties she hates, drinking herself to sleep. She hasn’t spoken to Ila since they went into the House. She hasn’t seen Hannah either.

Our Wives Under The Sea: Miri thinks she has got her wife back, when Leah finally returns after a deep sea mission that ended in catastrophe. It soon becomes clear, though, that Leah may have come back wrong. Whatever happened in that vessel, whatever it was they were supposed to be studying before they were stranded on the ocean floor, Leah has carried part of it with her, onto dry land and into their home. 

You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty: Feyi Adekola wants to learn how to be alive again.It’s been five years since the accident that killed the love of her life and she’s almost a new person now—an artist with her own studio, and sharing a brownstone apartment with her ride-or-die best friend, Joy, who insists it’s time for Feyi to ease back into the dating scene. Feyi isn’t ready for anything serious, but a steamy encounter at a rooftop party cascades into a whirlwind summer she could have never imagined: a luxury trip to a tropical island, decadent meals in the glamorous home of a celebrity chef, and a major curator who wants to launch her art career.

Silver Under Nightfall: Remy Pendergast is many things: the only son of the Duke of Valenbonne (though his father might wish otherwise), an elite bounty hunter of rogue vampires, and an outcast among his fellow Reapers. His mother was the subject of gossip even before she eloped with a vampire, giving rise to the rumors that Remy is half-vampire himself. Though the kingdom of Aluria barely tolerates him, Remy’s father has been shaping him into a weapon to fight for the kingdom at any cost.

Disintegrate/Dissociate: In her powerful debut collection of poetry, Arielle Twist unravels the complexities of human relationships after death and metamorphosis. In these spare yet powerful poems, she explores, with both rage and tenderness, the parameters of grief, trauma, displacement, and identity. Weaving together a past made murky by uncertainty and a present which exists in multitudes, Arielle Twist poetically navigates through what it means to be an Indigenous trans woman, discovering the possibilities of a hopeful future and a transcendent, beautiful path to regaining softness. 

The Perks of Loving a Wallflower: As a master of disguise, Thomasina Wynchester can be a polite young lady—or a bawdy old man. She’ll do whatever it takes to solve the cases her family takes on. But when Tommy’s beautiful new client turns out to be the highborn lady she’s secretly smitten with, more than her mission is at stake . . . 

It Came from the Closet: Queer Reflections on Horror: Horror movies hold a complicated space in the hearts of the queer community: historically misogynist, and often homo- and transphobic, the genre has also been inadvertently feminist and open to subversive readings. Common tropes—such as the circumspect and resilient “final girl,” body possession, costumed villains, secret identities, and things that lurk in the closet—spark moments of eerie familiarity and affective connection. Still, viewers often remain tasked with reading themselves into beloved films, seeking out characters and set pieces that speak to, mirror, and parallel the unique ways queerness encounters the world. 

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture: Everything you know about sex and asexuality is (probably) wrong. The notion that everyone wants sex–and that we all have to have it–is false. It’s intertwined with our ideas about capitalism, race, gender, and queerness. And it impacts the most marginalized among us. For asexual folks, it means that ace and A-spec identity is often defined by a queerness that’s not queer enough, seen through a lens of perceived lack: lack of pleasure, connection, joy, maturity, and even humanity.

[janeaustenbrandysmuggler]

The Hitchhiker (you can run...)

Apologies if someone has already pointed this out. I'm new to tumblr, and I'm still digging through all the amazing Good Omens metas!

Shax-in-disguise appearing and reappearing on the side of the road at the very beginning of The Hitchhiker felt really familiar to me, and I finally figured out why. I think we can add a Twilight Zone episode that's (conveniently) called "The Hitch-Hiker"* to the list of film and tv references we get in the season.

*I felt especially dumb when Google told me this episode literally has the same title as s2 ep4. In my defense, I don't know the names of any of the other Twilight Zone episodes I've seen, either.

Not sure you really need a spoiler alert for a 60+ year old tv episode, but I'll put a break in anyway. Go watch it if you can - it's properly creepy.

A brief summary: Nan Adams is on a road trip from Manhattan to Los Angeles. She's gotten as far as Pennsylvania, when her tire blows out and she runs off the road. The mechanic who comes out to put on her spare tire comments on how lucky she is to still be in one piece. (More on that in a minute.) As she follows the mechanic into town for a replacement tire, she sees a man in a hat hitchhiking on the side of the road and passes him by. She sees the man again at the service station after getting a new tire and mentions him to the mechanic, but the mechanic doesn't see him. Once she resumes her trip, she sees the hitchhiker on the side of the road again. And again. And again. And again. The farther she drives, the more she sees him, and the more frightened and paranoid she gets. At the height of her fear, she's convinced the hitchhiker is trying to kill her, and she attempts to run him over in order to make it all stop. She finally decides to pull over to a phone booth in Arizona and call her mother to try and ground herself back in reality, and we get one final big twist to end the story.

When I realized that hitchhiker!Shax appearing and reappearing in front of the Bentley reminded me of this episode, I decided to watch it again because I hadn't seen it in years. What do we hear almost right out of the gate?

So lucky! You could even say she dodged a bullet there. Oh wait...

(I think he says "Chalk up a win to the side of the Angel" here, but close enough.) Interestingly, "the side of the angels" really just means "the good guys" these days. In both these scenes, setting aside the fact that Aziraphale is actually an angel, it's used in the context of "you survived something that could have killed you."

One other thing I didn't know before is that the Twilight Zone episode is based on a radio play, also called "The Hitch-Hiker," written by Lucille Fletcher and first presented on The Orson Welles Show in... 1941. Probably just a fun coincidence, but really, why does it feel like all roads lead back to 1941?

As for the final creepy twist in Nan's story? Her mother isn't home when she calls. The woman who answers the phone tells Nan that her mother is in the hospital. She had a nervous breakdown when she found out her daughter had been killed in a car accident in Pennsylvania - caused when her tire blew out and she ran off the road. Nan goes numb and walks back to her car. She pulls down the visor to look at herself in the mirror, and she sees the hitchhiker sitting in the back seat. He says, "I believe you're going... my way?"

So there we go - a wink and a nod to a tv episode with the moral that you can't outrun your fate/Death, in a season that sure seems to have a lot of references to death in it. By the time Nan sees the hitchhiker for the first time, she's already dead, she just doesn't know it yet. She tries running, but it all catches up to her anyway. By the time Aziraphale sees the hitchhiker, Shax is just about ready to trigger the events that lead to where we are at the end of the season. The precious, peaceful, fragile existence of the last few years is already dead, and no matter how much Aziraphale tries to outrun that idea by acting like There's Nothing Wrong...

...it all catches up anyway.

I have a more nebulous set of thoughts about the "side of the angels" line being seen in the 1941 flashback, and if I can get them in any type of coherent order, I'll link to another post or put them here. Something about that line referencing a lucky escape that isn't so lucky after all for Nan Adams, and how 1941 so far looks like a series of narrowly averted catastrophes for Aziraphale and Crowley...and how it really feels like we haven't seen all of the 1941 story yet.

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Hiiii 💕💕💕

For the wip game (the highlighted ones)

-❤️🪐

Hello!! For you since you’ve been interested in it for awhile and i promised you a scene ages ago and only just now finished it: big heart, I wanna let it bleed, aka buck joins the team younger fic! Here’s a complete drabble about them running into Phillip on a call…

They’re not in an enclosed space but, somehow, the kid’s laughter is still echoing around them. Bobby tries to bite down on his smile as he calls a vaguely warning “Buck,” though he’s not too worried about professionalism seeing as the surfer — who’s trunks are truly mystifyingly tangled on his board — is cracking up even harder. He’s sort of… hung up there, board stuck nose down in the sand, man dangling up on the back end of it. They seem too far up the beach for a wave to have done this, but what does Bobby know, he’s from a landlocked state.

“Sorry, Cap,” Buck wheezes. “Do we, uh… need the ladder?”

Bobby takes a measured inhale as he hears some kind of frantically smothered squeak sound coming from — is that Chimney? One of the paramedics, anyway — and shakes his head. “I think we can just lower the board down, if you’ll give me a hand. That sound alright to you, sir?”

The surfer gets through a few more wheezing chuckles before he can say “Yeah dude, lower away.”

They manage it pretty smoothly, with him and Buck on either side and Hen and Chim ready to catch the weight of the surfer. Hen starts off the next small round of laughter as she tries to de-tangle the swim trunks to move their vic, but everybody manages to calm down as they get to the actual medical examination.

As Hen and Chimney poke and prod, Buck chatters. “I learned to surf a few years ago, over in the Carolinas.”

“No shit?” The surfer grins. “Like Charleston? I gotta cousin over there.”

“Yeah, Folly Beach sometimes, but mostly went up to the Banks.”

“Sick.” The surfer gestures to where Hen’s wrapping some gauze around his bloodied elbow. “What’s your worst wipeout?”

Buck laughs again, a little delighted sound, always happy to be included. “Oh man- My first time out on the water, like the second wave I ever caught, just tossed me right off completely.” He tugs up his shirt before Bobby dawn shake his head not to, and twists around to show a jagged old scar on his lower back. “Landed on some rocks, needed fourteen stitches.”

The surfer whistles as Hen shakes her head. “I don’t think you’ll need any stitches for this one, but there’s enough debris in there I’m gonna recommend we take you to the hospital so they can get it all out.”

“Sure thing,” the guy says, looking more relaxed than Buck taking a nap on the couch after second helpings of mac and cheese. “Thanks man.”

“No problem,” Bobby says, definitely no trace of a chuckle in his voice no matter the delighted glances his team sends him.

The surfer tries to twist towards Buck once they get him on the gurney, winces, and then just turns his head. “You ever surf out here?”

“Have a few times, but I don't have a board or anything.”

“Man, you should come out and join us! We got a group most weekday mornings, I'm sure somebody could get you set up.”

Buck looks happy as a dog with a bone, glancing at Bobby with a mile wide grin. It's a familiar kind of look, though it takes until they're almost at the ambulance — Buck chatting away all the while — for him to place it, and it nearly makes him stumble when he does. Robert would give him that look when he made a new friend on the playground and got invited to hang out. Please, Dad, can I go? He's sure Buck didn't mean anything by it. Bobby doesn't have that authority in his life, nicknames and Springsteen concerts nothing that adds up to a tangible connection. And the kid- well, he's not a kid. 25 years old, can arrange his own playdates perfectly well. Still, Bobby feels a little off kilter as they load the ambulance.

“Rad, man, see you around.” The surfer is grinning at Buck, two happy little suns shining at each other. “Ask for Stevey,” he says, loosely pointing at himself. Steven Barney, he'd given as his name to dispatch.

Buck smiles, waves goodbye. “I'm-”

“Evan?”

Buck turns like a man in a haunted house, startled at an impossible sound with all the color draining out of him. The apparition takes the appearance of a white man a little older than Bobby, wearing neat, pale clothes and a sort of constipated, caught expression. They see that look on calls sometimes, with men who are going through an emergency with women who are not their wives and who are still trying to pretend they've done nothing at all untoward.

“D-” Buck blinks, a few times, hard. “Dad?”

Bobby can't help joining in Hen and Chin's shared oh shit look. There's not an overly familiar resemblance between the two — perhaps a shared stake in forehead real estate — but the man doesn't refute it. “I'll let you get back to work,” he says, glancing towards the sea, the ambulance, eyes landing briefly on Bobby before jumping away again, startled.

“Wait, wh-” Buck steps forward, hand wandering out in front of him before dropping back to his side. “What are you doing in LA? Did you have- a-a work trip?”

Buck's father clears his throat. “It's Brian’s birthday.”

“Oh,” Buck says, blinking again, rapidly this time, a fish thrown in new water. “He- he lives in California now?”

“No, no,” the man says dismissively, like he doesn't know why anyone on earth would choose to live in California. “He’s retiring early, wanted to make a weekend of it.”

“So-” Buck scrambles, visibly, and it makes Bobby aware of the small audience of first responders (and surfer), so he closes the ambulance door despite Hen and Chim’s wide eyes and shaking heads, and thumps the back so they pull away. Buck doesn’t seem to notice either way. “You’re- you’re here for a few days? We should- we could go get lunch? I-I have to work until tomorrow morning but-”

“It’s a busy weekend,” the man grumbles, doing a motion with his hands almost like he's patting himself down to make sure he has his wallet, the movements of someone making sure they're good to leave. “I won't have the time.”

Buck stands there, looking more wounded than any of the times he's been banged up on calls. “I- haven't seen you in- in like four years-”

“And who's fault is that?” His father laughs dismissively. “If you want to run off and throw your life away you can't complain about it later.”

“I-I didn't, I like what I- I have a job, I- I found…” Buck frowns, and Bobby worries for a moment he's going to cry out here in front of his father and colleagues and the beach goers of Santa Monica. He holds it together, though. “I like it here, and I like my job, and I'd like to tell you about it-”

“I won't have the time, Evan.” He doesn't even consider for a moment backing out of his obvious lie. “You can call next week if you want. Your mother will be glad to know you're in one piece.”

“Okay,” Buck says, shoulders sinking down and turning in. He goes from a 6’3” wall of muscle to a lost child right before Bobby’s eyes, hell of a magic trick. “Sorry,” Buck says, as Bobby does some math, works backwards a little. Fourteen stitches, definitely more recent than four years ago. He thinks about the laws of physics, or at least traffic, he’d break if he knew Robert was bleeding in an ocean somewhere in the world. “Sorry,” Buck says again — why, why should he be apologizing — and nods a few times. “I’ll- I’ll make sure to call.”

His father nods back. “We still work, so-”

“Yeah, after five, I know.”

“And your mother has book club on Tuesdays.”

“Okay.” Smaller, and smaller. Bobby remembers reading Alice in Wonderland to Brook, wonders how big Buck’s pool of tears is to shrink him so much. “I’ll just-” Buck clenches his fists, just for a moment, and then hides them in his pockets. “I’ll just try. If you’re busy you don’t have to pick up.”

Oh, God, give an inch and they’ll take a mile. Buck’s father looks visibly relieved at the offer of plausible deniability. “Alright.” He doesn’t move to hug his son, doesn’t even reach out for a handshake, staying a careful several feet away. “I’m sure you need to get back to your job,” he says, raising eyebrows in Bobby’s direction. It makes him bristle, he doesn’t want to be a forced coconspirator in judging Buck for something he hasn’t even done wrong. Buck wilts even further beside him. His father gives one final nod. “Goodbye, Evan.”

He’s already walking away by the time Buck says “Bye, Dad.”

And then they’re all just standing there. Hen and Chimney went off to the hospital, sure, but there’s still a handful of firefighters lingering around, either trying to make a lot of eye contact or no eye contact at all. Buck stares firmly at the ground. Bobby clears his throat.

“Alright, let's pack it up.” If they were operating under any other circumstance Bobby might compliment his crew for how quickly and quietly they get loaded into the trucks.

The ride back to the station is quiet, too, usual engine chit chat locked in everyone’s throats. Bobby’s pretty sure he sees Nichols subtly and somewhat frantically typing on his phone. Mostly, though, he watches Buck in the rearview. The kid is staring resolutely out the window, but Bobby would bet he’s not seeing a thing. His leg bounces on the seat, and Rodriguez doesn't even do the polite cut-it-out cough. Bobby wonders how many of Buck's stories he's overheard, if he's also now watching them tilt, shift, rearrange in his head. Dumb little boy stuff, skateboard-bike-motorcycle stunts, climbing up trees to fall out of them, all told with class clown energy, wasn't I stupid but wasn't it fun, wasn't it funny? Bobby got up to some shit when he was a kid, trailing after Charlie and taking any ill-advised dare the older kids tossed out to him, but he got hurt and he went home, his mom kissed his scrapes, even his dad would ruffle his hair and grab the first aid kit on his good days. Bobby looks at Buck looking out at nothing and tries to count the broken bones scattered between the big grins and his audience’s corresponding groans, tries to imagine Buck — all his silliness, all his sunshine — going home hurt to parents whose care comes with office hours.

When they pull into the station everyone flees the engine like there’d been a chemical spill, leaving Buck standing alone silhouetted against shiny scarlet paint. Bobby hesitates, one foot still up on the truck bed. He doesn’t want to overstep, but- he can’t stop thinking about how far away Buck’s father stood. The kid deserves someone to come closer. He only wished there was someone better than himself around to do it.

“Hey, kid-”

“I never knew what I did wrong.” Buck is frowning into middle distance, shoulders still tucked in around him. “I- I know I was stupid in- in high school, and college, but-” he looks right at Bobby, eyes wide, and he looks- oh, kid, come home. You’re hurting, come home, you’ll be taken care of, I got a first aid kid at least and I’ll learn to do better than that. “It was always like this- I-” Buck shrugs and here, finally, come the tears. “What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing,” Bobby says, and it's only two steps over to him, and he’s never even casually side hugged this kid before but Buck sinks right into his arms.

“You can’t know that-”

“I can.” Buck’s so tall. Bobby’s not sure the last time he hugged somebody taller than him. He wonders how tall his dad was, looming so large in memory but an unknown in actual imperial measurement. He wonders how tall Robert would’ve gotten. “You were a kid. You were their kid. There’s nothing you could have done that was so bad they shouldn’t have loved you anyway.”

Buck shudders against him, and his shoulder is getting wet, and the ambulance will be back soon and there’s firefighters milling about and, always, work to do.

But they can take a little time here. Bobby’ll bend it around, if he has to. The laws of traffic, the laws of physics. It startles him, scares him a little, but- he’d break them for Buck, too.

[mir4inotes]

soon i’m gonna wake up, someone’s gonna bring me ‘round // kndz hurt/comfort

(kunikida-centric!!!!!!!)

originally posted 19 aug 2023

tw: self-harm, references to a suicide attempt, vomiting

read on ao3! / 3.4k words

—————————————————————————————

Kunikida hadn’t slept well in weeks. He still made a decent effort to go to bed at the same time every night, hoping something would change. But each time he turned the light off, said good night to Dazai and succumbed to the darkness, he was kept awake.

At first, when he was hopeful and convinced he only needed time to recover from recent events, he tried breathing. He’d lay there, eyes lidded, breathing in for four and out for eight in endless rounds until the fact he still wasn’t asleep raised his heart rate far too much. That initial night, he had simply laid on his back, restraining himself from flopping over onto either side so as not to disturb his partner. And if he had gotten sleep that night, it was certainly more than he’d be getting in the nights to come.

Once Kunikida realized he wouldn’t be able to get any shuteye from simply breathing and meditating, he’d asked Yosano for any ideas. She’d risen an eyebrow at the fact that Kunikida, the man who everyone assumed got a perfect eight hours every night without fail, needed medicine to sleep, then promptly wrote up a prescription for a bit of melatonin for him to take before bed. Wonderful.

After a lighthearted joke from Dazai about how Kunikida now needed drugs to sleep and was therefore getting old, Kunikida took the recommended amount and went to bed, skeptical yet hopeful.

And then he woke up to sunlight on his face, birdsong, and Dazai’s drool-smothered cheek on his chest, and he couldn’t have felt more relieved. His sleeping problem had finally been fixed, and now he could focus on getting his life back together piece by piece.

Except, not even a week later, Kunikida began having nightmares.

What had started as a physical inability to sleep had now morphed into a general dislike of it. He’d dread getting ready for bed, unable to know if he’d be blessed with a deep, uninterrupted sleep or tormented with an unsettling dream. And when he finally settled beneath the covers and waited for Dazai’s soft, pug-like snores to begin, he always fought off sleep for as long as he could until the melatonin knocked him out.

Kunikida wouldn’t have a nightmare nightly, but he almost wished he did. The feeble guessing game he had to play at got old quickly after he’d woken up shaking from his only bad dream in seven days.

The dreams themselves were nothing remarkable. For the most part, they were an amalgamation of the ones he’d suffered from a few months earlier, before the whole Decay of the Angel plot took place: blurry, muffled versions of the people he’d failed to save over the years, hostages locked in a cage while he was forced to stare and do nothing until they were long gone, among countless other scenarios that would already be muddied by the time Kunikida got up and brushed his teeth. They left a sour, unpleasant twist in his gut, but besides that, they were able to be swept aside and forgotten about with a bit of breathing.

Until, one seemingly inconspicuous night, Kunikida experienced a vivid, full-on nightmare that seemed to last for hours. And instead of showing him scenes he was bitterly familiar with, it was something new entirely.

He was sitting in the ward where Jouno had taunted him about joining the hunting dogs, but it was as if he was seeing through a thick, choking veil of smoke. He could hardly see the other end of the tiny room. His notebook laid torn in half on the cot, just as it had all those weeks ago. His thoughts swam; he wasn’t expecting to see this place ever again.

Of course, his arms weren’t working. He had hands and fingers, but he was unable to move them, met with a blank wall of resistance whenever he tried. They were mangled, sticking out at odd angles that shouldn’t be possible, and they hurt.

Outside of the window, Kunikida could hear nothing but chaos. Bloodcurdling screams, rapid gunfire, helicopters. He tried to move his neck, but it remained in place as if held there by an iron vice. His gaze was locked on his destroyed notebook in his lap. He even thought he could smell Jouno’s pear, sickeningly sweet to the point it was nauseating. His lungs were filled with smoke at that point, not that he was breathing in the first place.

Kunikida felt sweat dripping from his forehead as the noise from outside only grew in volume. Even his own heartbeat had moved to his skull, a constant, thumping bass drum that just. Wouldn’t. Shut. Up.

The room was gray, then white, then black, then back to gray. Kunikida saw someone clawing at the door with their hand over their mouth out of the corner of his eye. He hunched over, trying to block them out, but winced as the metal handcuffs scraped against his disfigured fingers.

Handcuffs? Those weren’t there before.

At that point, Kunikida thought his eardrums would burst from just how loud everything was. He brought his hands to his ears, pressing them against the side of his head so hard he thought he’d end up squeezing his own brains out. The cold handcuff chain dangled against his neck, and he swallowed against it. His throat was terribly dry.

Without needing to think about it, Kunikida brought his hands past his ears and behind his head, steadying the chain against the vulnerable skin of his neck. One last desperate, strangled wail reverberated through his entire being like a gong, and he yanked on the chain, tugging it against his neck until the room went black again.

//

Kunikida jolted upright in his shared bed, sputtering and gasping for breath. His hands instantly flew to his neck, almost expecting the resistance of the handcuff chain as he did. After confirming that no, he hadn’t actually choked himself to death, the grip on his neck relaxed, but only slightly.

His hands had returned. He lowered them from his head, holding them out in front of him. He couldn’t keep them still.

The sight of his own two hands, functioning and whole, made Kunikida feel sick. A horrendous wave of nausea swept through him, and he almost gagged right there in his bed.

He could hardly remember what had happened between heaving himself up out of bed (nearly tripping over discarded clothing as he did) and sinking to his knees in front of the toilet, already coughing up bile as soon as his legs hit the ground. His head was pounding too hard for him to care.

He stayed there, miserably slumped on the bathroom floor, resting his forehead on his arms on top of the toilet seat. He wondered briefly if Dazai would come find him, almost wanted him to, then decided he really didn’t want his partner to find him in such a state.

Not that this hadn’t happened before, Kunikida being sick in front of Dazai. On rare nights when he attempted to keep up with the rate at which Dazai tossed drinks back, he’d usually find himself retching in the bathroom (or worse, the kitchen sink) with Dazai drunkenly comforting him, slurring his words while combing his fingers through Kunikida’s hair.

The memory of those nights alone made Kunikida gag again. He’d been trying his best up until now to be as quiet as one can in such a situation, yet he unwittingly let out a low groan as his stomach began cramping up again.

His wrists brushed against each other as he shifted his arms around. He heaved again. He shouldn’t have those hands back. Those damned hands that were meaningless if they couldn’t save every person they attempted to help. Kunikida’s nails dug into his pale wrists.

They shouldn’t be there.

He’s screaming, Dazai’s arms wrapped tightly around him, tugging him away from the glass wall

The skin on his wrists began to sting.

Rokuzo’s in front of him, stumbling, neat entry wounds patterned on his chest

He staggered to his feet, ran the tap water over his dirty, quivering fingers and watched the blood swirl down the drain. He left his wrists alone.

He’s being forced to the ground, vision blurry and ears ringing. There’s blood in his eyes, but he doesn’t feel a thing. He only gazes at the ceiling through lidded eyes as he hears the muffled voices above him.

Kunikida leaned forward on his forearms, resting against the sink now. Nothing was being improved by the breathing techniques he swore by; each gasp for air felt like a fishhook being drawn up through his throat. His wrists burned.

And then, of course, there was a timid knock at the door. Not that Dazai needed to, considering the door had never been shut in the first place. Kunikida cringed as Dazai’s light footsteps reached his side.

Kunikida didn’t speak, or move. He stayed still with his head hung, letting his hands dangle above the sink. Dazai slowly reached for Kunikida’s bloody wrists, turning them over with icy fingers. Kunikida let him.

He also let Dazai rinse them clean, until there were only small, red crescent moons dotting his skin, and he let Dazai wrap his favorite brand of bandages around his wrists, just as Kunikida had so often done for him.

Then Dazai plopped himself onto the bathroom floor while tossing a dirty hand towel up into the sink. “Sit” was all he said as he patted the space in front of him.

Meanwhile, all Kunikida wanted was to drag himself back to bed. His breathing had managed to steady itself as Dazai worked earlier, but the rest of his body ached from exhaustion. He felt horrible enough having woken up Dazai, he wasn’t about to subject him to a pity party on top of it all.

Dazai tapped the floor again, looking up at him. Kunikida opened his mouth to reply, to say he was going to try going back to sleep, but a sudden surge of nausea crept up on him instead.

And so he was back on the floor. He was vomiting for the second time, though most of it ended up being dry heaving. Kunikida heard Dazai shuffling over to him, his hands sliding to their usual comfort spots: one hand brushing his hair away from his face, the other slowly rubbing circles into his upper back.

Kunikida would lean against Dazai in between gagging and coughing fits, his throat too sore to say anything. Dazai would murmur gentle comfort against his ear, quietly reassuring him that he was doing well, it’d be over soon.

Dazai particularly took note of the fact that Kunikida made no attempts to push him away. Every other time he’d taken care of Kunikida in times like this, he’d try making some blabbering excuse (as he was typically blackout drunk) that he could take care of himself, or that Dazai was suffocating him.

Now, however, Kunikida slumped against Dazai once his coughing and heaving had ceased. He shut his eyes and let his head settle against Dazai’s chest, curling into him sideways. He didn’t say a word.

Dazai instinctively wrapped his arms around Kunikida’s frail, shivering frame. This sort of thing had began happening nearly every evening since the Decay of the Angel situation; Dazai would let Kunikida rest against him just before they went to bed, neither of them saying anything. Occasionally, that would be how they fell asleep, too. Dazai would wake up some mornings to Kunikida coiled around Dazai’s lanky figure, an arm flung over his torso like some sort of rope.

It was endearing, sure, but the action was bittersweet, too.

Dazai combed his fingers through Kunikida’s hair as they sat there. The hair between his fingers was Kunikida’s usual dirty blond, except when Dazai peered a little too closely he could make out tiny rivulets of gray as they caught the light. It seemed like the jokes Dazai had made only months earlier about Kunikida going gray young were coming to fruition after all. Dazai looped a few strands around his finger and pretended the flashes of gray were due to his lack of sleep and nothing more, and that they would be gone by the time morning came.

Kunikida shifting his neck a bit brought Dazai’s attention back. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been holding Kunikida for; the only thing that clued him in to how much time might have passed was how the bathroom light had started flickering. That only happened after at least 45 minutes-or-so of it being turned on.

“Kunikida,” Dazai started, lips brushing past Kunikida’s hair. “Do you want to talk about anything?” His voice was hardly above a whisper.

Kunikida took in a deep breath before shaking his head. “It’s late,” he mumbled before tucking his head in even tighter against Dazai’s chest. “I’m sorry for waking you up.” He hoped Dazai hadn’t noticed the unavoidable crack in his voice that so often punctured his words now.

Dazai only hummed in response, continuing to idly play with Kunikida’s hair. A few moments went by before he spoke up again, sitting up a bit more as he did.

“Can I ask you something?”

Kunikida didn’t look up. “…What?”

It wasn’t until after an eerily long pause when Dazai opened his mouth once more, and asked in an impossibly languid voice:

“You’ve thought about suicide, haven’t you?”

He’s being forced to the ground, vision blurry and ears ringing.

Kunikida didn’t move. Faint, blurry snippets of those moments when he was recovering from the explosion trickled through his memory like ice water.

There’s blood in his eyes, but he doesn’t feel a thing.

His mouth went dry. He could still feel Dazai’s heartbeat thumping against his side, yet he still felt himself falling away from him all the same. Kunikida wasn’t sure whether or not he wanted to steady his grip or let himself be lost.

Yes, he had thought about it. He had turned it over in his mind repeatedly while sitting in that bed as if it were as natural as breathing. For at the time, his world as he knew it was gone. The agency. His coworkers. His partner. His ideals. There was nothing left except for the searing reminders of everyone he had failed to save.

“Easy, Kunikida. Breathe.” Dazai gently tapped Kunikida on the back.

Each time Kunikida inhaled it felt like the air was being chased out of him again. He knew he was shaking, knew he was gripping Dazai’s leg with too much force, but with one sentence, all the memories he had been trying to suppress out of shame were being unearthed one by one.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Kunikida muttered finally. His fingers began to knot themselves in his tangled hair. “I had nothing. There was nothing…” He cut himself off with a muffled sob.

Dazai’s heart stuttered as he felt that slow drip of realization dawning. The question had been assuming Kunikida had only thought about it. A person required a very specific mindset in order to turn those intrusive thoughts into a reality. Quite honestly, Dazai didn’t believe Kunikida had it in him to attempt anything.

Why didn’t he believe that?

As Kunikida’s body began melting even further against Dazai, his voice nothing but unintelligible sobbing and whimpering, Dazai could feel the slow drip becoming a waterfall.

Sure, the Kunikida of a mere few months ago wouldn’t have let himself go so far. Even if the thought had crossed his mind, he wouldn’t have succumbed so easily, especially not with the ideals he held himself to so strictly.

But now, the Kunikida who left his clothes scattered on the floor, who showed up to work a few minutes later than usual, who isolated himself from his coworkers and who hardly even ate three meals a day anymore; thinking about this Kunikida in such a situation suddenly became a lot more believable.

“I didn’t think you were alive.”

Dazai twitched as he was brought out of his own thoughts by Kunikida’s thick, hoarse voice. His fingers were digging into Dazai’s thigh so much it almost hurt. He considered saying something, except he didn’t want to tip Kunikida over the edge again on accident; he didn’t know what he could or couldn’t say anymore.

Kunikida took in a shaky, unsteady breath, and when he spoke again he sounded like he was seconds away from collapsing into another fit of tears.

“I thought they might have killed you…” he paused and took a breath at that, “when the terrorist accusations came out.” His breathing picked up again, but he didn’t stop speaking.

Dazai only kept holding him, since it was the only thing he knew wouldn’t set his partner off again.

Kunikida always complained about how cold Dazai’s skin was, but now he clung onto him as if that iciness was the one thing that could cool his very core.

“Eventually, the only thing i could think of doing was—“ Kunikida hiccuped, his breathing now just as erratic as it had been when Dazai first entered the bathroom. “…was slamming my head against that wall until it was over.”

And then all Dazai could hear was a desperate string of apologies, suppressed by Kunikida’s own arms as he hid his face from view.

At that point, all Dazai thought to do was wait until Kunikida managed to calm himself down. Even if he did speak, what would he say? It wasn’t as if suicide was some foreign topic to him, it was very much the opposite. But somehow, when it came to discussing it with the one person he never would have thought to consider it, the person he planned to spend the foreseeable future with, it put a knot in his throat.

So, for now, Dazai only gently swayed from side to side, returning to his routine of pressing circles against Kunikida’s back. Kunikida had let his arms fall in front of him, where Dazai decided to lace his fingers between one of Kunikida’s hands, rubbing his thumb up and down the back of his partner’s palm as he fought to get his breathing under control.

Even through everything else going through Dazai’s mind, there was a tiny voice at the back of his head criticizing Kunikida’s method for being too painful, too messy.

And that is why he kept his mouth shut.

//

The bedsheets had been sucked of all warmth by the time the pair returned. Kunikida noted through puffy eyes how his side of the bed has clearly been tossed around with panicked hands, whereas Dazai’s side looked more like he’d slid out much more gracefully. He bit back the rising swell of guilt for the nth time that night, and clambered back into bed.

As soon as Dazai wriggled back under the sheets, he pressed his chest against Kunikida’s back and tossed an arm over his waist. His breath felt warm and soothing against the back of Kunikida’s neck.

“i know you’re beating yourself up over waking me, so stop,” Dazai whispered in the gentlest tone he could muster. He wasn’t a very gentle person after all; unless he was with Kunikida, that is. Even then, he could struggle to get his voice to sound calm enough.

Kunikida sighed heavily, all energy drained. Dazai was right, as he often was. He could read Kunikida so easily.

“You aren’t upset?” Kunikida mumbled, shifting his legs slightly.

“No.” Dazai’s fingers slid up to Kunikida’s chest, pressing against his skin so he could feel his heart beating. “I’m just glad you’re here,” he murmured, burrowing his face into the crook of Kunikida’s neck.

Kunikida briefly thought about getting up to fetch some water, both to soothe his sore throat and to rid the lingering bitterness from his tongue, but he decided against it so as not to disturb Dazai for the second time that night. Dazai’s leg had slithered its way between Kunikida’s own two, anyway.

Gradually, with Dazai’s gentle snoring as background noise, Kunikida found his eyes growing heavy. Relief at Dazai’s words had spread throughout his body, although he wasn’t sure how long it would last.

Dazai shuffled a little closer to him, then, and Kunikida sullenly decided he’d deal with any remaining thoughts in the morning.

No, it wasn’t perfect, but it was certainly some of the best sleep Kunikida had gotten in weeks.

[cherrygirlystuff]

The Return of Grunge Pop: Why the Early 2000s Sound Is Dominating Playlists Again 🎧

Hey babe, if you’ve been noticing a certain gritty, nostalgic vibe creeping back into your playlists lately, you’re not alone. Grunge pop, that perfect blend of angsty lyrics, distorted guitars, and catchy hooks, is making a major comeback. 🌟 It’s like we’ve hit rewind on the music scene, and honestly? I’m here for it. Let’s dive into why this early 2000s sound is resonating so hard with today’s generation and why it’s taking over our playlists again. Ready to get grungy? Let’s go!

1. What Exactly Is Grunge Pop?

Before we get into why it’s back, let’s talk about what grunge pop actually is. Picture this: the raw, rebellious energy of grunge, mixed with the catchy, radio-friendly vibes of pop music. It’s the sound of angst and heartache, but with a sugar-coated twist that makes you want to sing along even as you’re feeling all the feels.

Musical Elements: Grunge pop blends the heavy, distorted guitars and gritty vocals of grunge with pop’s polished production and memorable hooks. It’s the kind of music that makes you want to headbang one minute and dance the next. Think early Avril Lavigne, Garbage, or even No Doubt during their edgier days.

Lyrical Themes: The lyrics often dive into themes of alienation, heartache, and rebellion—but with a pop sensibility that makes them accessible and relatable. It’s the perfect soundtrack for those days when you’re feeling a little out of place but still want to have a good time.

2. Nostalgia Is in Full Swing

Let’s be real—nostalgia is powerful. The early 2000s were a time of chunky highlights, low-rise jeans, and, of course, grunge pop blasting from our flip phones. As we’re seeing a resurgence of Y2K fashion and culture, it’s no surprise that the music is coming back too.

The Comfort of Familiar Sounds: In a world that’s constantly changing, there’s something comforting about revisiting the sounds of our past. Grunge pop brings back memories of simpler times, and for many, it’s a reminder of their teenage years—full of angst, rebellion, and discovering who they were.

TikTok’s Influence: TikTok has been a major player in bringing back early 2000s trends, including grunge pop. Songs from the era are being rediscovered and shared by a new generation, who are putting their own spin on the sound while celebrating its roots.

3. The Raw Emotion We Crave

Today’s music scene is full of polished, highly produced tracks, which are great—but sometimes, we crave something a little more raw, a little more real. That’s where grunge pop comes in. Its unfiltered emotion and gritty production stand out in a world of auto-tune and synths.

Relatability: The themes of grunge pop—heartbreak, rebellion, feeling like an outsider—are timeless. They resonate with today’s listeners just as much as they did back in the early 2000s. In an era of social media perfection, grunge pop’s honesty feels refreshing and relatable.

A Break from the Norm: Grunge pop offers an alternative to the glossy pop hits dominating the charts. It’s a little rough around the edges, a little messy, and that’s exactly what makes it so appealing. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to not have everything figured out—and to sing about it at the top of your lungs.

4. The Artists Leading the Revival

It’s not just the old favorites making a comeback—new artists are embracing the grunge pop sound and making it their own. These artists are blending the nostalgic elements of early 2000s grunge pop with modern influences, creating something that feels both familiar and fresh.

New Faces, Old Sounds: Artists like Billie Eilish and Olivia Rodrigo are channeling that early 2000s angst in their music, blending it with contemporary production and lyrics that speak to today’s generation. Their music is raw, emotional, and full of the kind of energy that defined grunge pop in its heyday.

Collaborations & Covers: We’re also seeing a trend of artists covering or sampling early 2000s hits, bringing them back into the spotlight with a new twist. It’s a celebration of the past, but with a fresh take that makes it feel current and exciting.

5. The DIY Spirit Lives On

Grunge pop was born out of the DIY ethos of the grunge movement, and that spirit is alive and well today. In an era where anyone can record and share music from their bedroom, the raw, unpolished sound of grunge pop is more accessible than ever.

The Appeal of Imperfection: There’s something incredibly appealing about music that isn’t overly produced. Grunge pop’s imperfections—whether it’s a crack in the voice or a fuzzy guitar riff—feel more human, more real. In a world of perfect Instagram feeds and curated lives, it’s a reminder that it’s okay to be messy.

Empowering the Next Generation: Today’s young musicians are picking up where their early 2000s predecessors left off, using the DIY spirit to create music that speaks to their experiences. They’re proving that you don’t need a big budget or a fancy studio to make something powerful—just a lot of heart and a little grit.

Final Thoughts, Babe: Grunge Pop Is Here to Stay

So why is grunge pop dominating our playlists again? It’s a mix of nostalgia, raw emotion, and the appeal of something real in a world that often feels anything but. Whether you’re rediscovering your old favorites or falling in love with the sound for the first time, there’s no denying that grunge pop is having a major moment.

So crank up those guitars, smudge on some eyeliner, and let’s embrace the return of grunge pop—because honestly? It never really left. 🎸

[rose-arwen-padme]

Suppression

The forbidden tale of Anakin and Padmé's AOTC courtship. A detailed expansion covering the movie, known deleted scenes, and many new scenes. If George showed 20% of their screen time, this is the other 80%. Told in Padmé's POV with ROTS awareness. Written for the enduring fans of Anidala.

Prologue

I don't possess the Force ability to influence minds, but my time as Queen, as Senator, and as Anakin's obsession has taught me there is power to be found in the consequence of my words.

Scrutinizing outsiders have judged my relationship with Anakin from the beginning. Our tale is like a misunderstood creature in a zoo, the spectators pressing their noses up at us on the glass. They gape with their pointed fingers. They're vocal with their opinions and privileged hindsight of how they would've handled the twists and turns differently.

They're unaware, or uncaring, of the elevated audience rows they hurl their uninvited speeches from.

Such detractors single out the warning signs as bombastic, obvious signs of doom. How resourceful they are at finding fuel for the fires they burn us in. As if blinded by these flames of their own creation, they do not pause to view their kindling as the moments they were as we lived them. What to us was one rough conversation in an endless day— our bodies and minds perhaps taxed from duties, unending travel, or even grief, mixed with natural hindrances like hunger, lack of sleep, etc— or a passing disagreement which was returned to after we'd had a chance to process and re-frame… to them, all of it only became chopped and isolated historical fodder. I imagine it's quite effortless to throw sentiments like stones at these events when you know they are events and understand their future importance.

How nice it must be, to absorb and contextualize simultaneously with the big picture... As the great Master Yoda might say, we had not that luxury.

Stand and judge me. Stand and judge Anakin. Force knows we both deserve it, to various degrees. It's easy to pass down the verdict when you weren't caught up in the wave yourself, hijacked in body and mind by forces beyond your control. We were all of us— and I include Obi-Wan in this— just trying to navigate each day as it came, doing the best we could with the information we had at the time. And so, I'll charge you to remember: Even the combined insight of the mighty Jedi Council never saw this coming. How could I be expected to?

{Are you an angel?}

No one knows the full story— our true story.

In terms of emotional presentation, what is the opposite of a highlight reel?

We were inexperienced, the both of us, and it handicapped us in precarious ways. Regardless, the cliché old adage stands frightfully true— when you know, you know, and Fate does not make allowances for how unprepared you are when It comes. We're told in romantic holomovies and wispy fables that such sudden, deep knowledge of finding your soul's intended sweeps you off your feet, making you dizzy with the butterflies and happy certainty of love.

We lacked such rapturous fortune.

Our recognition of fate came dosed in fear. It was absolute certainty wrapped tightly in nothing but the uncertain on all sides, with no air to breathe. It was the sudden lurch from familiar, solid ground to standing on the edge of a wet precipice, the wind ready to push us over at any moment. So we fought it. I swear it on the barren wasteland of all I hold dear— we did try. We fought it, until we… we couldn't. Until we had no choice but to either forfeit our sanity and suppress, or to give in to the abyss and hope we came out the other side whole.

We chose to hope.

Hope has always moved this galaxy forward. Always will. But in its progression, some get crushed beneath the wheel.

I would never separate my fate from my husband's. However, if I am allowed to speak in my own defense, he was far more prepared than I when destiny reunited us on Coruscant. He'd had a decade to process, to accept, to plan, to commit. I was late to the game. Popular thought seems to be that Anakin was the rash one— the unmanageable wild bull— and I the level-headed stoic. But I can never say enough how much I regret the pain I caused him, and the precious time wasted, as he struggled to stabilize me in the chaos alongside him. He knew we were inevitable from the first moment I stepped foot in Watto's shop. For a man infamously known for his lack of it, his patience as he waited for me to catch up to him was nothing short of astonishing. Albeit, that patience was far from perfect.

This realization of fate for a pair when thrust upon individuals in two very different stages of acceptance of it does not make for an easy-breezy love story. There were milestone moments that didn't play out like the glossy holomovies. Mutual inexperience coupled with raw intensity, making for clumsy actions and unpolished words.

But then there were those magical instances, which, unrestrained from knowing any better and ignited by our hungry want to experience, actually far surpassed possibility.

Those that would label us a toxic cocktail of abruptly rushed feelings and dramatic declarations knew scraps of the story. The closest people around us— the select few who knew— barely understood us, what we were to each other. The Jedi didn't even want to try.

So much has happened to him. To me. To us. I shoulder my share of blame without contest.

But I draw the line at any who would reduce us to shallow caricatures.

We were playful. We teased. We laughed. Oh, how Anakin could make me laugh. We bonded over losses, helping each other through grief. We fought— furiously. We made sacred amends. We peeled back sides of ourselves we hadn't yet shared with another soul. And we desired. Gods, Anakin and I desired like we'd invented it. We burned for each other like two stars going nova under our very skins, a touch both acting as the curative relief and as the explosive trigger for craving more. Professionals in the Red District of Coruscant practice for years to do with their entire bodies what we could do to each other with a single look. 'Boring' was not a word in our relationship's vocabulary.

I've been accused of falling for him too fast, before I really knew him. Such a charge is wrong on two counts. First, I knew exactly who Anakin Skywalker was when I married him. I saw firsthand glimpses of the wraith that would consume him long before most others did— even Obi-Wan. But, just as clearly, I likewise saw the good, the exorbitant amount of light in him that others failed to see. Even Obi-Wan.

And second, I did not fall for Anakin. One does not meet with the life-altering experience which made me feel more alive than anything ever had before and call it a fall. It will be difficult for the hindsight spectators with their superiority complexes to believe, but Anakin brought more excitement, passion, and joy into my life than anything I had ever known. Whether running a planet or a blockade, the nervous energy of addressing the Galactic Senate, or being surrounded in a war zone, it was all paltry compared to the rush I'd feel when his gaze simply met mine across a room. One does not fall for a man, a lover, a— forgive me, but— born pilot like Anakin Skywalker. I flew.

I acutely know this because the fall did come, only much, much later. By that point, the glorious height to which we'd soared became fatal once the descent began.

There are plenty who would have my Ani suffer eternally in hell for his crimes. I am not here to invalidate their reasons, nor to silence their cries for justice. I know what he has done. If they get their wish, my only request is this— let his same flames engulf me as well.

For this angel will gladly burn in hell by his side.

Continued at AO3 Link and Fanfiction.Net Link

[thethirdromana]

Some thoughts on the Star Beast:

New intro is lovely. Look at her go!

The BBC review complains about Murray Gold's "blunderingly obvious" music but it turns out I like my music blunderingly obvious.

Love the location shots to show that for once we are actually in London, not Cardiff pretending to be London.

In other signs of money being spent, the Meep looks amazing. And adorable. I assume the BBC has a range of Beep the Meep cuddly toys ready to go.

Speedy bit of UNIT backstory that I suspect will make no sense at all to someone who isn't already reasonably familiar with what UNIT is. Oh well, hope the 8-year-olds watching the show for the first time will catch up.

I love the Wrarth. Maybe they will have light-up eyes with the Meep-and-Wrarth toy boxset.

The storyline with Donna and Sylvia trying to figure out how best to support Rose is lovely.

Yasmin Finney is utterly brilliant. I don't know if we see more of Rose in the later specials? I hope we do, she feels a bit under-used here.

That said, I would have preferred the Doctor asking for the Meep's pronouns himself rather than it being at Rose's prompting. It doesn't feel like a very Doctorish thing to get wrong.

The courtroom scene is a delight. David Tennant is really very good at this.

I wish they had put slightly less gloop in his hair though.

I assume the twist means that they will simply have double the cuddly toys to sell: friendly Meep and evil Meep.

Magically un-burning London is a bit annoying, but I'll get over it, it's not really the point after all.

Grr RTD, you know that gender essentialism is bad even when it's purporting to be trans-inclusive, right? Right?

(I know everyone has pointed that out already, I'm behind).

David Tennant and Catherine Tate have incredible chemistry. It's unfortunate that Donna and Shaun don't, because otherwise I think that could have been a lovely depiction of a warm and unjealous relationship.

New TARDIS interior! The console is lovely, the rest is... weirdly big? Why is it so big? I predict that this will bother me until about 10 minutes into the next episode and then all other TARDIS interiors will feel too small.

What's with the... singing? on the end credits theme? I'm not sold.

Loved that overall though! Can't wait for the next one!

[goblinmatriarch]

Chapter four is up on AO3! This excerpt is long because it was like the second scene I wrote for this fic, and I feel so tenderly toward Ginny in it that I couldn't bear to only post a part of it.

Albus finally down for the count, Harry staggered back downstairs to find Ginny sprawled out on the couch with a glass of wine from the bottle they’d opened at dinner to toast the new season. She nudged his glass with her toe, and Harry grabbed it gratefully and flopped down next to her.

They spoke about nothing for a while – the kids’ schedules, plans for the Harpies, Lily’s current phase of loudly and tunelessly singing all her activities – then subsided into silence.

Almost like a habit, Harry rolled his head toward her and sighed out her name. "Gin. What went wrong with us?"

Ginny was rolling her eyes before he even finished the question. "Two glasses of wine and it’s like we’re right back in therapy." But she ruffled his hair fondly and pretended to think.

"Let’s see, what was it?" She tapped her chin with one finger as though in deep thought. "You were too invested in saving the world and didn’t have time to focus on your own happiness. I felt trapped on a one-way path to becoming my mother, who is a very lovely person, but not the life I want for myself.”

She gave him a soft smile. "We just weren’t ready," she said firmly, confidently, as she had so many times before. "We were kids, and we had just been through a war, and we thought that meant we were grown up, but we still had more growing to do, and we didn’t do it in the same way."

Harry rolled his head back to look at the ceiling, nodding along, the words familiar and comfortable.

"We weren’t ready," he echoed. "We weren’t our whole selves yet, and then it turned out those whole selves weren’t…right for each other."

He grinned loosely up at the ceiling. "At least we did one thing right. Well," he amended, "three things."

Ginny was silent for a long moment. He glanced over at her to find her staring vacantly into the middle distance, twisting her wine glass slowly by its stem.

"Gin?"

She spoke reluctantly but as though she couldn’t stop herself, like it was exploding out of her.

"I don’t think I should have had children."

Harry blinked, startled, and Ginny immediately backpedalled.

"I love the kids so much," she said desperately. "I’m so glad they’re here; I would never unwish them from the world. But." She swallowed. "If I was going to do it again. If I could go back…" Her voice was thick with held-back tears.

"But," Harry said, baffled, "you– you’re great! You’re an excellent mother!"

Ginny ran a knuckle roughly under one eye and laughed shortly. "Of course I am; that’s not the issue."

Harry stared at her as she gathered her thoughts.

"I just mean…my life," Ginny said slowly. "I love the kids, I want them around, but I imagine what my life might be if I hadn’t had children – not the actual people but the way your life sort of…forms around them. Takes a certain shape, because it has to, because they need you." She looked at Harry, and there was a question in her words, like she was begging him to understand.

He turned the idea over in his mind. Of course he knew what she meant; it was impossible not to understand. His life, now, was as a parent first and foremost. Everything he did was as a parent: go to work, think about how he wanted to make the world better for his kids. Go to the market, wonder if they were all still eating beans or if someone would institute a surprise boycott. Read a good book, consider when the kids would be old enough to share recommendations.

Ginny seemed to be getting nervous in the face of his long silence. "I do love them," she insisted guiltily. "I guess I’ve just been thinking about the new season, how much I’ve been looking forward to it and to dropping the kids off with you and getting to just." She whooshed a hand into the air. "Go," she finished.

"The kids are like…an anchor," Harry said slowly. "Or maybe, like, a star. And I’m always orbiting it, and I’m always going to be orbiting it, even if I’m doing something else."

Ginny’s mouth quirked into a sad smile. "An anchor," she echoed. "Yes, that’s right. And I think," she paused, as though worried she’d offend, then continued all in one breath: "I think maybe you’ve always wanted to be anchored, and I spent most of my life struggling to break free."

Harry nodded. This was familiar ground once more. "Families," he announced grandly.

"Families," Ginny repeated quietly. Then she brightened, poked him in the side with her elbow. "You know that’s us, right?" She grinned, sadness banished to the far corners of her smile. "A family."

Harry slumped farther down on the couch so he could lean his head against her shoulder. He did love being anchored. He needed people to orbit around.

"I’m glad you’re still my family," he mumbled into her shoulder. Ginny brushed a hand over his hair for a moment, then laughed and shoved him off.

"I’m going to bed," she announced, standing up from the couch. "This is all getting a bit maudlin for my tastes."

Read the fic on AO3

[technology-inclusive]

Achieving Success and Overcoming Challenges in the Web Development Industry

Hello, valued reader! So, it seems you're interested in the dynamic world of a web development company, huh? Get ready for an exciting journey ahead! Picture yourself on a thrilling rollercoaster ride, experiencing exhilarating twists and turns, with moments of soaring heights and heart-pounding descents.

That's essentially the routine of a web development company. But what sets apart those who excel and operate seamlessly, compared to those who struggle? Shall we begin our exploration?

Achieving Greatness First and foremost, let's discuss the aspect of success. Building a thriving web development company takes time and effort, even if it may appear effortless to outsiders. Nope, they are carefully crafted, just like a master chef perfecting their secret sauce. So, what's the key ingredient in the software industry?

Embracing Innovation and Agility: Imagine being the trendsetter who effortlessly adjusts to new trends as they emerge. In the tech industry, it is crucial to constantly progress and innovate, as there is no room for stagnation. Standing still is equivalent to moving backward. With the right combination of cutting-edge products and efficient strategies, a company can quickly establish a competitive edge.

Exceptional Teams: You're familiar with those remarkable teams, reminiscent of sports, where each member's strengths complement one another? That's exactly what we're discussing. A thriving web development company appreciates talented developers, innovative minds, and individuals who possess a strong understanding of both the technical and business aspects. Success hinges on having the correct individuals on board.

Putting the customer at the center of everything we do: Have you ever experienced the feeling of being treated like royalty at a business? That's the way these companies handle their clients. It's about going above and beyond expectations, delighting clients, and making them feel valued and important.

Scalable Processes: This is where the real transformation occurs behind the scenes. Having scalable processes ensures that as the business expands, everything remains organized and under control. Having a strong foundation is crucial, as it ensures the stability of your house, regardless of any fancy additions you may make.

Navigating the Complexities of Challenges However, there are some challenges to consider. Similar to a skilled storyteller, there are obstacles and mythical creatures to overcome (figuratively speaking, of course).

Staying Ahead in the Tech Game: Technology is constantly evolving. Extremely efficient. Can you believe it? I just bought this and it's already old! Quick. In the fast-paced world of software development, staying ahead or even just keeping up can be quite a challenge. It feels as if you're constantly chasing a moving target.

Managing Growth: Growth is truly remarkable, isn't it? Increasing your client base, boosting your revenue, and expanding your team. However, effectively navigating the challenges that come with managing growth can be quite complex. It's similar to advancing in a game; all of a sudden, you're faced with more formidable opponents. Scaling up operations, managing a larger team, and maintaining quality can be quite challenging.

In the digital world, threats are abundant and they certainly don't come dressed in balaclavas. Cybersecurity is a critical issue as a single breach has the potential to significantly harm a company's reputation. Imagine it as diligently protecting your stronghold from unseen intruders.

Unpredictable Economic Landscape: Economic downturns have a way of surprising us, much like unexpected plot twists in your favorite series. One moment everything seems to be going smoothly, but suddenly, financial constraints arise and clients start reducing their spending. In order to successfully navigate these challenging times, it is crucial to possess a combination of resilience, astute financial planning, and the willingness to make difficult choices when necessary.

How is it accomplished? So, how do these companies navigate the fluctuations? Allow me to provide you with some valuable information:

Continual Learning and Adaptation: The top professionals in the industry never cease to expand their knowledge. Staying informed about new programming languages, project management tools, and business strategies is crucial for success. It's similar to enhancing your armor and weapons in a game.

Strong Leadership: Similar to a guiding force in an epic journey, successful software development companies thrive under the guidance of capable leaders. These individuals have the ability to provide inspiration and make difficult decisions when needed.

Imagine having the ability to improve different aspects of your day, making them more efficient and effective. That's the essence of feedback loops in the business world. Receiving feedback from all stakeholders is crucial for making necessary adjustments to processes, enhancing products, and improving services.

In the ever-changing world of the tech industry, one thing remains constant: its inherent unpredictability. Thriving businesses are the ones that can adapt swiftly to changes while maintaining their stability.

Concluding the Discussion Running a web development company requires a strong and determined mindset. It requires a combination of dedication, determination, and a significant amount of effort. Those who excel comprehend their areas of expertise and areas for improvement, eagerly tackle obstacles, and consistently pursue greatness. It's all about fostering a culture of innovation, finding clever solutions to challenges, and delivering a final product that exceeds expectations. Picture the thrill of introducing a product that not only meets the expected standards, but also leaves a lasting impression. That's the ultimate objective.

Nurturing the Ideal Environment The culture of a web development company is vital to its success. Creating an environment where everyone feels empowered, valued, and part of something bigger is crucial. It goes beyond the perks like foosball tables or free snacks, although those can be nice additions. Imagine it as cultivating a garden. To ensure optimal growth of your plants (employees), it is crucial to provide them with the appropriate soil (culture), water (resources), and sunlight (leadership). Successful companies have a knack for attracting top talent, keeping them on board, and watching them excel.

Promoting Open Communication: Fostering an environment that values and encourages open lines of communication is of utmost importance. With this approach, ideas have the freedom to flow seamlessly from the bottom to the top, avoiding any obstacles that may arise from a rigid hierarchy. It's important to establish an environment where both interns and senior developers feel equally at ease when presenting their ideas.

Encouraging Empowerment and Responsibility: When team members are given the freedom to make decisions and take ownership of their projects, they become more invested in their work. It's not only about holding people accountable, but also about ensuring that each individual feels a sense of direct contribution to the company's success. It's as if someone is given their own plot in the garden and they take great pride in nurturing it.

Work-Life Harmony: The era of celebrating all-nighters is long gone. Today, successful companies prioritize work-life harmony, understanding that the well-being and satisfaction of their employees directly impact productivity and innovation. It's all about striking the perfect balance between your professional and personal life, ensuring a harmonious and sustainable coexistence.

Harnessing the power of technology In today's software-driven world, utilizing the appropriate technologies is comparable to equipping yourself with the finest tools in your arsenal. Staying ahead technologically can give you a significant edge, whether it's through the use of cutting-edge development tools, project management software, or the latest communication platforms.

Cloud Computing: Picture having a versatile tool at your disposal, ready to provide you with any solution you require, whenever you need it. Cloud computing offers significant benefits to software companies. It enables them to enhance their flexibility, optimize scalability, and minimize expenses on hardware and IT management.

AI and Machine Learning are transforming the software development landscape, bringing about a significant revolution. With the help of AI, the development process can be accelerated and the quality of the software can be improved. AI can automate repetitive tasks and even predict user behavior.

Continuous Integration and Continuous Deployment (CI/CD): The process involves making frequent, incremental updates to software, allowing for automated testing and deployment. It's similar to optimizing your car's performance while it's in motion, making sure it runs at its best at all times.

Staying Ahead of the Game Staying ahead of the curve is crucial to completing the puzzle. Not only does this apply to technology, but it also extends to market trends, customer preferences, and regulatory changes.

Market Research: Having a deep understanding of the market's needs, even before they are aware of them, is a remarkable skill. It requires ongoing research, surveys, and occasionally a touch of intuition.

Customer Feedback: This serves as the guiding force for the ship. Consistently paying attention to customer feedback, whether it's positive or negative, is extremely valuable. It assists companies in adapting their products, resolving issues, and occasionally making a complete shift.

Staying updated on regulatory changes is crucial, particularly in fields such as fintech or health tech. It's as if you have a deep understanding of the game's rules, allowing you to perform at your peak without any concerns about penalties.

In summary So, there you have it—an inside look into the operations of a web development company. It embodies a combination of enthusiasm, cutting-edge advancements, and ongoing progress. Just like a business consultant, these companies are constantly embracing innovation and overcoming the obstacles of a dynamic environment. They are always proactive, flexible, and committed to continuous improvement. And what lies at the core of everything? Attention, everyone. Individuals who envision, construct, experience setbacks, acquire knowledge, and achieve triumph. Throughout this exciting adventure of challenges and successes, it is the individuals, the organizational culture, and the guidance of the leaders that truly set the stage for success. Are you prepared to join this thrilling realm?

[usagirotten]

Marvel's Thunderbolts Return to Comics in an Electrifying Comeback!

Hey there, comic book enthusiasts! We've got some electrifying news for you. Marvel's Thunderbolts are back and ready to shake up the world of comics in a brand-new series launching this December. If you're a fan of super-powered action, complex characters, and thrilling storylines, then this is the news you've been waiting for! For those of you who aren't familiar with the Thunderbolts, let me give you a quick rundown. Imagine a team of heroes but with a twist. These heroes aren't exactly what they seem. In fact, they're former villains who have decided to step up and fight for justice. Talk about turning over a new leaf! What makes the Thunderbolts so intriguing is the depth of their characters. They aren't your typical do-gooders. They come with complicated pasts and shades of gray. Some are seeking redemption, while others are simply looking for a chance to prove themselves. It's a fascinating exploration of the blurred line between good and evil, and it keeps readers hooked from start to finish. Now, let's talk about the new series launching this December. Marvel has assembled a top-notch creative team to bring the Thunderbolts back to life. They're pulling out all the stops to ensure that this series lives up to the high expectations of fans around the world. The new series builds on the status quo Kelly and Lanzing established for Barnes in the Captain America: Sentinel of Liberty title, with Bucky taking on the role of The Revolution — the sole keeper of a century’s worth of covert information and secret files, which he intends to use to further his mission to take down the biggest threats in the Marvel Universe — or die trying. Amongst those threats, Marvel teases, are “the Red Skull, Kingpin, and even Doctor Doom himself. No one is safe from the Thunderbolts!” Thunderbolts #1 launches in December, with art from Geraldo Borges; the promotional art for the announcement below comes from Mahmud Asrar. Marvel promises more information about the series to be released during San Diego Comic-Con 2023. Expect pulse-pounding action, jaw-dropping plot twists, and emotionally charged moments that will leave you breathless. Whether you're a longtime Thunderbolts fan or a newcomer to the series, this new installment promises to deliver an unforgettable reading experience. “The call has gone out to all those who call the shadows their home; every spy, assassin, and renegade has a part to play in Bucky Barnes' all-encompassing and uncompromising hit on the singular, monstrous living symbol of fascism: the Red Skull,” teases writing duo Collin Kelly and Jackson Lanzing, who’ll be helming the new series. “Alongside our old friend Geraldo Borges, we're taking this opportunity to tell a very different kind of team book. This is a whole new era for the Thunderbolts and it starts with a four-part espionage epic, an ever-shifting cast and a single overarching goal: to tear down a century of Nazi evil with justice like lightning.” And here's the best part – we're all in this together! As fans, we have the opportunity to connect with each other, share our thoughts, and speculate on what lies ahead for our favorite characters. The Thunderbolts community is a tight-knit group of passionate individuals, and we'd love for you to be a part of it. So mark your calendars, comic book lovers, because this December, the Thunderbolts are storming back onto the scene. Get ready to immerse yourself in their world of heroism, redemption, and thrilling adventures. Together, let's celebrate the return of Marvel's Thunderbolts and create a community where we can share our love for these incredible characters. Stay tuned for more updates, sneak peeks, and discussions right here. We can't wait to embark on this electrifying journey with you!

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[thecandywrites]

Zorroku and Peaches Part 7

And what many of you will recognize was this was originally part 4 of the old way I had this story divided up. But part three needed to be split into four parts and that last part was still so huge it should have been split into five. But I squeeked by with four. And this one too probably should have been split into two parts but I just wanted to get this rewrite redone rather quickly. So here is the new and improved part that is now part 7. Enjoy more of Zorroku's POV.

Oh and trigger warnings, depictions of infant death, in particular filicide. Just heads up.

Zorroku and Peaches

Part 7

After Zorroku had dropped his grandmother off at her tent, she gave him a small sack of incense and told him to put it into his fire tonight. And that it would kickstart the bonding process. 

He took it but instead of going to his tent, he came back to yours and simply sat outside of yours and listened. He silently wept as he could hear what songs you were singing to Ori. They were the same songs his mother had sang to him when he was little, with other songs he wasn’t familiar with but sounded beautiful and wonderful and so soothing. He appreciated that you had such a soft, soothing singing voice. It was gentle and warm, loving and caring with so much feeling. He used to think his mother’s voice was the most precious sound in the world. And then Medowne’s voice. Then Ori’s. And now yours. He would never get tired of this. He would never think for a moment that your voice, singing so softly would be anything but blissfully beautiful. 

 He could hear you cooing and bonding with her and how utterly happy Ori was. She had never been so happy before. The poor thing never did get to meet her mother. Ori had to be cut out of Medowne to keep from Ori dying with her mother. And it had been nothing but heartache and sorrow and pain ever since. And had you come at any other point, he would not have been ready to have you in his life because he was grieving so hard.

But something about moving to the summer grounds felt like he was getting a fresh new start and that maybe it was time for him to move on. And while his brothers had been much more eager to meet you than himself, the moment you came into that dining hall, you stole his heart away and he froze and just stared slack jawed at you like an idiot.

Thankfully he had recovered by the time you finally lifted your eyes. Your beautiful, shy, blue eyes. And now that you were here and had Ori, it was like you had always been here. That Ori was always supposed to be yours once Medowne passed. And while he hated that Ori had suffered her whole life so far, he felt confident that she would never have to suffer another moment. Because she had you and she had him and that’s all that they needed. She was cooing and laughing right back at you, better and louder and happier than she had ever done to him. And jealous was the farthest thing he could feel right now. It was pure relief and bliss.

He could hear his daughter’s big, bright smile in her coos and it warmed his heart and started to heal the hurt he had felt losing Medowne and struggling to care for her on his own when he felt so ill equipped and helpless to do so. He could clearly imagine the tender scene that was unfolding just on the other side of the tent wall. His prayers for a good and proper mother for Ori were answered this day. And he couldn’t have imagined ever asking for them to be answered in such style or with such perfection. 

When his grandmother- Jaseeneh had described the Black Wolf White Rock Clan and told them how to get there, she had nothing good to say about anyone there except for the one they were looking for and her family. That 'they were the only ones in the entire clan who had honor and integrity'.

She said that 'the Clan Chief and his family wore crowns of lies and appearances'. She told them that 'the Clan Chief was weak, selfish, greedy and power hungry and desperate to both keep everything he had, yet gain as much as possible. And his clan was among the dishonorable in orcdom. It was better than some, but much worse than their own'. His grandmother said 'they did business there solely to keep their own clan safe from their evil and greedy eyes and grabbing hands'. She said 'that clan was never worthy of you and your family and how you and your family came to be in that clan was a great injustice and that if it had not been for you and your family, they would have nothing to do with that clan at all'.

He couldn’t have imagined how you could be family found. Especially given his Grandmother's history, that he felt confident that he knew most of. But for you and your family to call such a clan your own or call a place home within it and not be disgusted with your life in it was a mystery. She had added that 'if they managed to liberate you and any of your family, that you would have an inheritance with her and her family and clan'. And that alone was why most of his brothers were interested. Because you were the proverbial, 'diamond in the rough' and an hieress, not knowing you had a large fortune just waiting for you to claim. And while she wouldn't show any of them any of it. His aunt Cilanthe said that an entire store room was full of nothing but future gifts for you and your family should you ever be free of that horrible clan. And that while his aunt was certain that you and your family were of no blood relation to anyone there, or to his own clan, family was still family. But that's all she could and had gathered because everyone else was extremely tight lipped about it. And now he understood why that was.

His grandmother had said that-' while you were a jewel in the crown of the Clan Chief, when he was not wearing you- to lord you over others only to use you to get what he wanted from others, you were locked up tightly. Inside high walls, looking out through tiny windows or at the sky above high walls'. She said 'that the setting to secure you in the crown was strong like solid iron. But that only the threat of a battle ax or warhammer would ever be strong enough to free you. But that if you could be free, you would protect both the wearer of the crown and his family who did not deserve such protection'- in her opinion anyway. She told them that 'the Clan Chieftess was proud, vindictive and hoarded her wealth and power and ruled through as much fear and guilt rather than respect and admiration'. And Zorroku couldn’t help but feel that she had been talking about his own adopted mother.

But his grandmother also said 'that if they could free you- that you would soon show the same protection towards your new wearer. But only if they could prove that you would not be threatened by harm, but respected and revered as the jewel you were'. And 'that your family were jewels without compare. And that while the crowns you were in were of lies. That the jewels you were- were true. And worth far more than could be comprehended'.  And he could only look back on today and realize how right she had been, about everything. 

When he had met Medowne. She was nothing like what he thought he would go for. But everything he needed. And the same thing was happening again. 

At first glance, you were nothing like what he imagined. For one you were human. But beyond that, there was so much more. You were tactful with your honesty. You were respectful, even when shown disrespect. Loyal, even when it appeared you were being abandoned. You were submissive, even to the orders that were harsh and unreasonable. You were kind and compassionate, even when you weren’t shown the kindness and compassion you deserved. You were protective of others, even when most doubted your ability to protect yourself.

And so generous, with everything you had. Either physically, even when you didn’t have a lot to be generous with. Or especially mentally and emotionally, which you had so much in those respects. And you hoarded nothing, not even very valuable intelligence. You didn’t play mind games or were manipulative or guilted anyone into anything. Even when you were scared, even when you were submitting to circumstances out of your control and forced to go into an unknown. Even when you had not known them or who they were or who they really were to you or who you really were to them. And you could only take a leap of faith and take them at their word. You sacrificed yourself to protect people who had demeaned you to the point of servitude and had given you up to save themselves. 

You were an utter and complete gift and you were still so humble that you didn’t think you were worth the trouble. 

And yet, here you were. In the tent he used to share with Medowne, in the same bathtub he had commissioned for her. With a lot of the same furnishings surrounding you. He could only hope they made you happy and help you feel at home. And that they were all yours, totally and completely. Tomorrow, he would be dropping off Medowne’s old wardrobe to Lazgar to have refitted for you. He was adamant that you would dress comfortably, and if at all possible- better than his new “aunt” Bula and her family ever did. 

Once you were out of the bath, he could hear you travel through the tent and see your shadows on the tent walls. He had to fight every instinct he had- to not come back into that tent. His instincts were to show you a “proper” Thunder Herd Clan welcome and also tuck you into bed. But the temptation to do so with him in your bed was too much for him to bear.

So he sat still and watched. So much had happened today. He didn’t want to overwhelm you, or risk scaring you off, not when Ori was so happy. He could not think of himself and his own selfish needs right now. He only needed to think about Ori’s. If you would have him, then you would make that choice, just like you had with Ori. But you had to take it of your own, not pressured, or guilted or anything. But with all freeness. 

So he just watched as once you got Ori dressed for bed and put a nightgown on yourself. He watched as you went around the tent and put out the lanterns while also throwing extra logs onto the fire but closing the lids so that the light wasn’t so bright and waited until he could hear Ori and yourself fall asleep. 

He prayed on the other side of the tent wall where the sacred sculptures were and prayed for your sleep to be blessed. To only have good dreams from now on. And for your generosity and compassion and kindness that you showed to others, especially Ori- return to you a hundredfold. And that if the gods would bless his relationship with you, he would love you, respect you, praise you, dignify you and satisfy you to the best of his desire and ability. And that if the gods did not wish for him to be your mate in life, for himself to find peace and contentment in that decision. But that for them to guide you for the best possible suitor for yourself. And then he thanked them for all that they had done, in helping you finally come here, and save his daughter’s life.

He made sure to hear that you were asleep before he tied the tent flap closed on the outside too. But that once you would wake up. You could easily untie it from the inside and get out but that it would be impossible for anyone to get into that tent without you first letting them in. 

He went to his tent and put the incense on his own firepit and barely had gotten undressed before an intense sleepiness clouded his head and he collapsed in bed. 

He awoke in his dream to see you dancing next to a fire. His brothers and friends and cousins were around, hooting and hollering as you and other female dancers danced around the flames. His eyes would not leave you for anything. The fire made your hair look like more flames, the cream of your skin was a sharp contrast to the gorgeous sunset all around you and maybe it was his imagination but it was as if your eyes glowed blue. 

Then he heard Ori cooing before you broke away from the dancers to go and get her. You easily smiled brightly and cooed at her before you brought her back over around the flames, making sure nothing either of you were wearing would ever be at risk of catching fire. Your movements simplified because you were holding her but the rhythm stayed the same. Your hips still struck those beats like the two orcish women on dancing drums were striking their feet against the drums. Every time you came around the fire closer to him, you would smile and have Ori waive at him. 

And he couldn’t help but get up and join you. He felt like it was so long since he last danced. But the rhythm was hypnotic and when his body joined yours around the flames, suddenly you were both dancing together and with Ori. And as much fun as that was, to feel your body move with his to the music was making him feel love drunk and yet the movements came so naturally to him. He could smell the scent of the soap you used, the shampoo and conditioner and the hair oils over the scent of smoke from the fire. And even the way your body reacted to the perfume you were wearing, taking something common yet making extraordinary because it was on you. 

The feel of your sweat on the parts of your body that were exposed seemed to help your body stick to his. Then you laid your head back on his chest as move his arms around you, under Ori to help hold her up but also to keep you close as your entire backside seemed to be glued to his front. And he was both embarrassed yet proud his cock was hard and pressing along the cleft of your ass. And it only breathed his lust for you to burn brighter in his body and mind while his love for you consumed him completely. It just felt so good. He was almost deliciously overwhelmed with feelings and urges that he never thought would ever awaken in him again.

The song seemed to fade and you turned in his embrace and stood on tip toe as his head ducked down and met your kiss. And just as he deepened it, the feel of the hot flames of the fire next to him seemed to fade before you smiled and took his hand and led him away. He stared at the way your hair had seemed to become living rose gold, as the flicker of the flames danced in the shine of your curls. Then after only a few steps he was in his marriage tent.

He happily held Ori as you stripped out of your clothes and took Ori back before you undressed her and got into the bathtub and it seemed to be an unspoken command that he got out of his own clothes and stepped into the hot water and laid down before you sat down in his lap with Ori still on you. 

Now that all three of you were in the bath, Ori wasted no time and was happily nursing again. She was so chunky now. So happy and healthy. Her long lashes and dark curly hair, a beautiful contrast to her intense blue skin. You laid back against him as the two of you watched as Ori ate her second supper. 

“Thank you.” He whispered before he kissed your cheek and held you both fast against him. 

“Thank you.” You murmured back as you kissed his cheek in turn before turned his head and reached up to gently caress your face but keep your head turned to kiss you more. The kiss started off soft and sweet but quickly morphed to passionate and hungry. Ori finished with one breast and cooed before you broke the kiss to turn your attention back to her to move her from one breast to the other before you turned in his lap, bringing your knees up to help cradle her in your lap as he cradled you in his. And now that you were turned, he could kiss you again, a lot easier and much more comfortably. 

Ori’s excited kicks to his chest seemed to make you both smile and laugh into the kiss. But it seemed Ori just wanted to get the last of her energy out by using his other peck that you weren’t laying against, as a jumping board for a little bit before her kicks stopped. You both looked down to see her fast asleep and using your breast as her pillow. She was still smiling in her sleep and he helped you quickly wash her and then massage some more oils into her skin before he helped pull the bassinet closer to the bathtub to help put her in it and wrap her in a warm towel before you gently laid her in it and once she was safe and secure, you turned yet again, this time straddling his waist and sunk down over his cock that had been straining up between his legs under you. 

You both moaned when you sank down onto him. The feeling of your wet heat enveloping him as if his cock was always meant to find it’s rightful place in your pussy was such a divine feeling. You eventually rode his cock so intensely that the water was splashing out of the tub and Ori’s bassinet had to be pushed far enough back that water wouldn’t get into her bassinet. Otherwise he didn’t care at all about any mess the two of you were making because you were kissing him passionately and your soft but strong body was pressed against his. Your breasts were leaking milk and making the water cloudy. Your skin was slippery yet silky and his hands were on your hips, moving them over his own. His fingertips digging into the soft, supple flesh of your hips and that glorious ass of yours. 

“Zushku, I’m so close.” You whimpered softly when his mouth moved from yours to leave a trail of hot, open mouthed kisses down your neck and to your chest before he grabbed one lusciously plump breast into his mouth to get a taste of that sweet, rich milk of yours that was fattening up his daughter so well and turning her from sick, to the epitome of health. 

“Almost there Bella.” He growled before he flipped you around in the tub and had you lay back against the back of the tub and got a towel and pushed it to the bottom of the tub for his knees as he held you in his arms to keep you joined and then once you were laying back and he was on his knees, he held your hips tightly and started pistoning his strokes into you. Your breasts jiggled and your belly bounced before you pulled yourself up and wrapped your arms around his neck and shoulders as he sat back so you’d be in his lap better but continued his onslaught as his arms wrapped possessively around you. 

“Zushku!” You whimpered and keened before Ori stirred before he playfully bit down at the crux of your neck and shoulder causing you to gasp then sigh. 

“Shh, you’ll wake the baby.” He whispered into your ear. 

“Especially while you try to give me another one.” You purred in his ear before you bit down onto his ear, aligning your eyeteeth with his piercings and he could feel your teeth touch and that pleasured pain was so sexy and only drove him harder. He started fucking you so hard, he feared all the water was about to be on the floor around the tub. 

“Zushku!” You moaned and keened as your fingernails clawed at his back and shoulders before you bit down at the crux of his neck and shoulder to silence your pleasured cry of release. Your legs had already wrapped around his waist and now your whole body shivered and shuddered as inwardly your pussy fluttered and constricted around him and milked him and with one last thrust of himself in- he let his seed plant itself as deep into your womb as possible. 

He barely registered the dream changing to suddenly it was morning and he was waking up with you in his arms and Ori in yours, getting her breakfast as he was spooning you and with a crack of his eye opening- he could see Ori at your breast, he had no idea how old she was but she had doubled in size and was at least a month or two older. 

“Good morning Daddy.” You cooed before you grinded your ass into his morning wood. 

“Good morning Mama.” He practically purred as he buried his face into your hair and shoulder and took a deep breath in of your glorious scent. 

“I had the most amazing dream last night.” You prompted. 

“Mmm?” He hummed curiously. 

“I had a dream the baby was a boy. Blue skin like his father, red hair like his mother. Very cute, popular with all the girls.” You giggled before he reached around you and could feel the seed he had just planted already taken root and growing and the swell was larger than his hand. 

“I’m sure he will be. You’ve had dreams it’s a boy ever since we found out you were with child. In fact it was the dreams that tipped you off that you were pregnant in the first place.” He murmured proudly as his heart swelled with pride and any fears he had normally felt when Medowne was with child, were no longer felt. Like he was sure that you were going to bring this baby to term happily and in full health. 

“Maybe it’s a sign we’re having one, what about you?” You posed. 

“I just keep having dreams about my gorgeous wife.” He smiled. 

“Can’t escape me?” You teased with a bright smile. 

“You were never something to escape from. Escape to? Always.” He reassured you. 

“Aww, thank you.” You cooed before you turned your head to kiss him softly. 

“But you haven’t had any dreams about the new baby yet?” You pressed. 

“Not yet. I’m sure I will. Honestly, I don’t care either way. A son would be a gift. Another daughter, a blessing. A happy, healthy wife? Always the goal.” He reassured you as he hugged you tight then relaxed and just happily watched Ori eat, still half asleep herself. Her chubby cheeks and cute little nose and her gorgeously long eyelashes and thicker, dark curly hair- she was so cute. The cutest baby girl he had ever seen and she was his. And her mother the most strikingly beautiful woman he had ever known and even though all Ori did was nurse from you- he couldn’t help but see the similarities between you and her as he wondered if your milk was helping her become more and more yours by the day.  

“Well I know how you can make me happier.” You hinted with another grind against his morning wood. 

“Well whatever Mama wants, Mama gets.” He immediately answered as he reached under the covers to untie the draw string of his pajama bottoms and pull up the short nighty you were wearing and shoved your underwear down and with a few teasing strokes of his fingers as you mewled and arched into his touch as you were already sopping wet in anticipation. 

“How long have you been awake and wanting me?” He asked as he readily wiped your essence on himself and guided his cock into you as you crossed your ankles and hooked your feet behind his knees for traction and stabilization. 

“For at least an hour. Ori has been a very slow eater this morning but I didn’t want to wake you, you’ve had your hands full lately.” You answered. 

“I’ve told you, when you need me, you wake me up, damn the time.” He urged you as he hiked his hips up and finally sheathed himself into you as your essences gushed around him. 

“Oh you poor thing, you should have woken me up sooner.” He rumbled, both happy that his wife desired him so much, she was literally gushing in her essences for him to be joined to her, yet sorry that you waited so long. 

“Next time I will.” You insisted as you gently rocked back into him and met him thrust for thrust as his hands began to massage your neck, shoulders and back and your moans of pleasure were music to his ears. 

“Gods you’re too good to me.” You sighed happily. 

“No such thing, there is nothing that is too good for you.” He rumbled as he kissed your shoulder and your neck and tried to turn your head. 

“Morning breath?” You winced as you hesitated in kissing him. 

“Has it ever bothered me?” He asked. 

“Well you haven’t said anything…” 

“Because it doesn’t bother me. Does mine bother you?” He asked. 

“No.” You shook your head. 

“Then kiss me.” He urged before you turned your head and reached back to kiss him over your shoulder. 

“How did you get so good at that?” You wondered as you stared lovingly at him.

“It has everything to do with who I’m kissing.” He answered before he sped up the pace and reached around you to your mound to tap and rub at your nub with now practiced ease and in what felt like a small eternity yet almost instantaneous, you came in a shuddering keen as your body did that adorable little shudder and with just a few more strokes, he was emptying his seed into you. 

“I’m sorry I’m so insatiable.” You apologized. 

“Oh hush. No such thing. If my brothers can bed multiple bedroom servants a day, I can do the same with my beautiful, wonderful and amazing wife.” He reassured you. 

“I just don’t want to wear you out.” You murmured worriedly. 

“Nope. I’m fully rested and rejuvenated. You can try your best to wear me out in any way you want to.” He volunteered with a happy smile. 

“Even if it’s taking me all the way up the mountain in the fall?” You asked. 

“Oh yeah, you’re gonna love it. It’s worth it. I just hope the horses don’t spook and take you for more of a ride than you want to take. Lazzare should be done with your pregnancy saddle by then so it’ll feel like you’re in a pillow the whole way up.” He reassured you as he used his own pajamas to clean up the mess he made just as Ori was done nursing and seemed to wake up for the day and started cooing and jabbering at him as she got up and crawled over to him, her big, wide smile showing off her tiny little tusks and the beginnings of her baby teeth starting to come through. 

“My saddle that I have now is fine.” You countered as you rolled onto your back as he took the soiled pajama pants and tossed them over to the laundry hamper. 

“No, trust me. It’s fine for a quick ride for an hour or two. But after five or six, it’s gonna be hard. And especially when pregnant women have to stop frequently to pee anyway. Having a special sponge right there on the saddle there to soak it up so you don’t have to stop will be a blessing.” He assured you. 

“So it’s not weird?” You asked. 

“Nope, not at all.” He reassured you as he got Ori from you as he sat her down on his chest so she could play with his face, in particular his braids and beads and tusks. 

“At first it will feel weird. But once you get used to it, it’s nothing. And you’re going to love the caves. They’re gorgeous and because of all the salt, it’s all really clean too. The smelliest things in those caves are the mammoths that they keep in the larger natural caverns like we keep the horses in corralls. But otherwise, everything is very clean, neat and organized. Now granted, keeping all the animals with us will be hard. Because they’ll need frequent trips to the waste cavern. But otherwise, they’ll be fine.” He said as he eyed a red wolf that was nearby and sleeping on a dog bed next to the bed with its packmates. 

He helped you get dressed and Ori get dressed. 

“She’s grown out of her clothes again, this barely fits her.” You reminded him as you tried to push Ori’s chubby arms through the sleeves of a top before you gave up and tried another one that was now too big on her but you’d rather they be too big than too small. 

“Ok. We’ll get her more.” He readily said as you grabbed a stack of fabric and he grabbed a few handfuls of one of the huge chests of money the two of you had as you put all the clothes that were that size away into another trunk with all of her other clothes she had grown out of so that a future daughter could wear them some day. You dropped the fabrics and the money off at Lazgar’s to get new clothes made for her as she measured Ori, and smiled when Ori was finally the right size for her age and even just a bit bigger than usual. 

Once the two of you were done there, you went to Arob who was happy to see you both. 

“Everything ok?” She asked. 

“Yes, just curious about the baby. I keep having dreams that it’s a boy but Zorroku isn’t having anything either way. Are they far enough along that you can tell?” You asked hopefully. 

“Well I can try.” She said before she had you lay down as he took Ori from you before she cast a special spell to show your womb and enlarge the babies there and both of you gasped softly when you saw two there. One on each side of the womb and each with it’s own placenta so that they wouldn’t wrap around each other and risk hurting each other. But they were side by side and looked like they were playing through the walls of their placenta. 

“Well congratulations, they’re twins!” Arob cheered happily before she moved the angle down. 

“Peaches, you are not having just a boy,” Arob began with a scheming grin. 

“Oh.” You frowned. 

“You’re having two boys. They’re both boys. Both pregnancies are very stable. Both are very healthy and in about seven months, you’ll have a son at each breast.” Arob announced as you gasped and started laughing. 

“You’re right to have dreams about boys. But you need to pay attention to see exactly how many boys are in the dream. So, what names are you thinking about?” She asked excitedly. 

“Well before it was a toss up between Zunli and Urzu, but I think we get to have both, now it’s a matter of deciding who is who.” You answered happily as you reached out and held his hand tightly. 

“Are you sure she’s going to be ok? Carrying one child is already hard enough, will she be ok carrying two?” He felt the need to ask as he was feeling both excited yet anxious about it. 

“Yes, she’s fine. She’ll carry them both to full term and she and they will get through the birth just fine. We have Miss Kisska and me and all the others. She’ll have an over abundance of midwives to choose from to help her through the birth. And we should be back here by the time she does go into labor.” Arob assured him. 

“But still, we can’t be too careful right?” He asked. 

“Zushku, I’m grown, I don’t need you babying me. I’ll be fine.” You reassured him. 

“But…” He still contested. 

“Zorroushku, I’ll be ok. You haven’t left my side since we found out I was pregnant. I doubt I’ll be doing anything dangerous enough to put the babies at risk.” You reminded him as Arob snickered at the tone you were using and the fact that you were using his full name. 

“Maybe we should geld Jasper.” Zorroku began. 

“Don’t you dare. He’s perfectly tame the way he is. I want more horses just like him and the whole herd practically parts for me every time I approach any of them. Every animal in the clan knows I’m with child and they are always extra cautious. The same way they are around every other woman also seems to be with child too. I’ll be fine. It’s going to be ok.” You shook your head no. 

“I know you’re scared and anxious because of your past. But she is not Medowne. And these boys are not the other babies Medowne tried to bear. Just because you were unfortunate enough to lose her and her other babes, doesn’t mean you’ll suffer the same misfortune again. Look for yourself. The babies are good sized, they’re healthy, they’re in separate placentas, which is always the safest for twins. Her womb is large enough and strong enough to bear them easily and to full term. Her hips are wide and strong and the delivery won’t be too much on her. Don’t let worry or anxiousness steal your joy about this. Trust your wife and her body and heart and soul and mind. Especially about this. If she says she’ll be fine. I have every faith that she will be. Have the same faith.” His grandmother urged him. 

And then all too soon he was helping you up onto Jasper, with your pregnancy saddle. 

“Ooh, this is really nice.” You praised as you tested the cushions and then let go of the little tie to let your womanhood rest on the special sponge there. 

“See? Told you.” He smiled proudly before he double checked the rest of the saddle. 

“You buck her off, you’re dinner.” He threatened Jasper who snorted indignantly in response.  

“He doesn’t mean that Jasper. He just wants you to be the same wonderful steed you’ve always been. I know you’ll be wonderful for me as always.” You cooed to Jasper as you reached out over Ori who was in a special mother’s riding sling on your chest and your own pregnant belly to pet Jasper on the neck as Jasper looked back at you as he nuzzled your leg with his nose then promptly walked over to the last tall grasses to get some last minute fresh grass. 

Zorroku got on his own horse and made sure all of his belongings had been packed as the tent was being taken down as servants were getting everything prepared to travel before he noticed griffins also wearing packs were led over to you and their leads were put onto Jasper’s saddle as pet mountain lions with collars were laying in the dark shade with that wolf pack again, except for the red wolf who was sitting next to where Jasper was standing. 

In only another moment, he was riding up the familiar trail to the Blizzard Mountain Clan city in the mountains with you in front of him on the trail as the wolves and mountain lions were off trail, hunting some game while also providing protection for all of you as they ran around the forrest to make sure no other predators tried to prey on the livestock. Then he heard you make a sick groaning moan. 

“You ok?” He asked. 

“The twins are either playing really roughly with each other or are fighting their first battle with each other for space. They haven’t stopped since we got on the trail. I think my guts and ribs and pelvis have bruises. And Ori keeps jerking her head with every sound and is taking my tit in her mouth with her. It’s one or the other Ori, you can’t nurse while also swiveling your head around to look at everything. Mommy’s boobs are big but not that big.” You gently chided Ori between wrapping your free arm around your belly and when the trail allowed for it, he got next to you to see your belly moving wildly. It was very clear to his careful and watchful eye that the twins were in fact either playing very roughly or fighting, even when you had your belly wrapped just for the ride. 

“I think they’re unhappy with the wrap, did you wrap it too tightly?” He asked. 

“I may have.” You answered before he reached over and untied it and took it off before the boys settled down a bit and you sighed in relief. 

“Better?” He asked as he put it into a saddle bag. 

“Better, thank you.” You thanked him. 

And suddenly he was joining you in your dream that you were having of the Mountain Blizzard Clan’s fortress in the mountains. It was carved out of the pink salt deposits. He was just so happy and content that you were happy and content as he helped you learn the layout and not get lost.

The whole mountain range had been tunneled out and you could move freely in the mountains and from one to another through a series of tunnels and there was a huge city underground, safe from the super cold mountain temperatures outside, especially in the winter. And because of all the smoke from all the fires, heating the tunnels, the tops of the mountains looked like smoking volcanoes to anyone looking from the outside in which helped to keep most others away. But for the Mountain Blizzard clan and the other clans that called this mountain range home. It was all just one big, mechanical wonder since each mountain seemed to have several deposits of either salt or marble or semiprecious and precious stones and thanks to hot springs and cold springs, it all had working plumbing too as pipes of copper bored through salt deposits so no one would get sick from drinking salt laden water.

And he couldn’t be happier to show you off as his wife to anyone and everyone around. Of course, to see you do the same thing and show him off as your husband was just as wonderful. He was never more proud of that fact and to practically brag that not only had he put “a bun in the oven” already but had put 2 in there was always received with congratulations and well wishes from all who heard it. And as your belly progressed, he happily would stand behind you and gently reach his hands under your belly and lift his sons while they were in utero to give your body a break from the pressure of carrying them as they got bigger and heavier.

But before he could get very far, he woke up back in his bed with nothing but a huge mess in his lap. He didn’t think his balls could hold this much seed in them. It was as if they had exploded several times over and he almost hated to waste it because his mind and heart and instincts were practically screaming at him that such precious seed needed to be planted in the proper “field”. But for future seed to hopefully be planted there, he was content to let this seed to go to waste. Someday. Hopefully soon. He could only hope that you had good dreams and woken up or would wake up in peace this morning. 

Meanwhile you woke up refreshed and invigorated and nursed Ori again. Ori woke up briefly and was happy to get her diaper changed the moment you smelled sulfer and knew she was passing Grat's milk and you didn't want that practically poisoned mess on her skin. Ori got to nurse again after her diaper change and then promptly fell back asleep once her tummy was full again. 

You just couldn’t believe that the day before really was a reality. It all wasn’t a dream. You really were a free woman with a daughter of your own with more suitors than you knew what to do with. Which, granted, you knew exactly what you wanted to do with most of them and also knew what you wanted to do even more with the only one that remained in your mind and heart. Even after only a day. He had made the best possible impression and even without your dreams and without Ori- you were more and more drawn to him with every passing moment. However, Ori seemed to really seal the dreams even when you could pass the dreams off as fantasies.

But still, those dreams last night had you waking up with the happiest smile on your lips as you cuddled with your daughter this morning. Who, even after just a few nursing sessions, was looking better already. Maybe it was wishful thinking but her cheeks looked just a bit chubbier now. And she seemed to have just a little more fat to her skinny limbs. Her skin was still the softest baby skin you had ever felt in your life. You were pretty sure it was from the almost ridiculously fine bathing supplies that had been used on her. Her hair was even just a bit thicker and little longer too as her once previous thin lashes seemed even just a bit fuller and longer too. She was such a precious little baby. She was so cute, even when she was so little and so sick. But hopefully yesterday was the sickest she would ever be. You could tell by the early morning light you could see streaming in from the mesh at the top of the tent that it should still be early enough for everyone to still be sleeping.

But you had a plan. There was a river close by and when you had taken a look into it yesterday, it was teaming with fish and hopefully- your prize, crawfish. Which were tiny little fresh water lobsters. You were pretty sure you had enough chili peppers to make pepper water to boil them in. And you wanted to serve them to Yotul as soon as you could and it was still early enough in the morning that they could easily be caught. 

So once Ori was done nursing and fell back asleep, you bundled her up. But you could only shake your head slightly when she had no less than a dozen different fursuits herself. Of every fine fur there was. Most babies were lucky to get one and it was usually a cheap fur because babies were babies and made messes and you needed a cheap fur to keep them warm yet easy to clean and if need be, cheap to replace. She had so many baby clothes period. You were spoiled for choice of what to put her in. She even had silk diapers. Most babies had cotton diapers, usually flannel ones because flannel was very soft. 

But no, Ori had silk diapers. Nicer silk than Bula usually wore in her dresses. And Zushku, wait, no, Zorroku, his name was Zorroku or Zorroushku. You had to remember that and not call him by a name he had not given you permission to call him by. But her father put her in silk. Everything was silk or the the softest cotton or cotton blends. Even velvet! She had velvet clothes! You figured she was her daddy’s little princess but not quite like this. She even had jewelry. She had more jewelry than both of Grecko’s wives combined! Had they raided goblins? Or the fae? Because this jewelry was meant for very small sized people.

And then the thought that maybe he had gotten all of this for her, expecting to bury her at any moment and wanted her to be buried with the same love and care and honor and glory that he most likely buried her mother with. That made the most sense. You wondered if you could ever talk about it with him. 

But for now, you needed to get her dressed and yourself dressed and wade into that river to get crawfish. You emptied a large basket out and stuffed a big pillow in there and rolled up one of her blankets around the edge so that Ori wouldn’t hurt herself on the harsh insides of the basket. And then you bundled her up in a blanket and then put on one of her fursuits so she’d still be plenty warm as she continued to sleep in the basket.

You untied your tent flap from the inside and brought it down only to see a second one up that you did not remember putting up. But it was tied in such a way from the outside that no one should have been able to get it open from the outside. 

“Zushku.” You grinned when you realized he must have come back after he dropped his grandmother off and tied this closed for your safety while you were in the bath and didn’t hear him but didn’t want to alarm you that you were naked or perhaps vulnerable and interrupt you bonding with Ori. This was such a small, simple but powerful and thoughtful gesture.

You pulled the single cord and the knot came undone and the outside tent flap fell away as you stepped out and put Ori in her basket on the ground so you could retie the outer one, putting it into your favorite knot before you curiously walked over to Zorroku’s tent to see the same exact knot that had been on your tent flap on his own tent flap’s tie while his brothers’ ties were different. But you took the ends of the cord and tied it in the same knot you had just tied for your own tent flap. Hopefully he would see it and know it was you saying thank you as you could only hope he had good dreams last night too and blew the tent a kiss as you picked up Ori’s basket and walked away. 

You got a big bucket from the kitchen and went to the river that was close by within sight of the rest of the village. You packed your knife for protection just in case. And for Razor, you let him fly free to get used to the area. You left Ori on the riverbank in a large basket. Just in case you slipped and fell into the cold water, she would not get wet or worse- risk drowning. 

You took your skirt and made shorts out of your skirt so you could wade into the deeper water, ignoring the cuts and scrapes and bruises on your legs from falling out of that pine tree yesterday. You used the bright morning light to catch the crawfish. Your own blessings helped you see them very quickly and easily. Which you would have been able to do without the blessings since this river was practically crawling in them. In just an hours you caught over a hundred of them. You could set traps for them and catch them all the time. But as you hunted and caught the crawfish, soon, several crows flew in and sat in the trees above you, greeting you with their loud ‘hi!’ and ‘hello!’s.

“Shh! You’ll wake up Ori. I’ll get to you in a minute.” You told them and they obeyed as you focused on the crawfish.

Meanwhile Zorroku had woken up when you blew that kiss to him, feeling like he was kissing you in his dreams one moment and then waking up to find himself kissing air. He went to open the tent flap and found a double bow knot as he realized you must be awake, enough to know that he must have been the one to close the outer tent flap for you and you came back to his to leave this as a message.

Hopefully you took it as the protection measure it was and not as a sign that he or anyone else was trying to trap you here. He left and found the exact same knot in the ties of your tent and with a gentle tug, he undid it and found your tent empty. The candles blown out, the lingering scent of burnt incence still in the air and the bathwater now cold. But the bed was made. So he left and retied the knot and went looking for you. You weren’t in the kitchen tent and no one else’s tent tie was different.

You said you would look in the river for a little thing you called a little lobster. You were probably at the river and when he saw you, your skirts tied up to your hips, and the way the skirt was bunched made your hips look bigger and your breasts still had trouble fitting in your top but that pinch of a waist was still so sexy and you were in water up to your upper thighs and reaching into the water and pulling things out and walking over to where a bucket was submerged to drop them in and then go looking again. He saw another basket on the shoreline and figured Ori was in it and hastily walked over to you. 

“Good morning,” Zorroku greeted you as he seemed to appear out of thin air on the riverbank just as you got a crawfish in each hand but he startled you and you jumped and screamed. Before the blessings could kick in to save you from any perceived threat, you slipped on the river rocks. You let go of the crawfish in your hands as they went flying through the air behind you and fell into the water backwards. Razor dove from flying high above you and Razor’s scream woke up Ori who started crying. Zorroku was completely torn about who to go to first as you floundered in the water before you found your footing and stood back up, drenched and freezing cold, coughing and sputtering as Zorroku was trying his hardest not to laugh as he got his daughter out of her basket and onto his shoulder and waded out to you.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, I just wanted to see how you were doing with Ori.” He apologized as he was near tears from trying not to laugh.

“It’s ok, Glashnarrah said you guys slept in late, I thought I would have things to myself this early in the morning. It’s ok, you can laugh, I can’t imagine how hilarious that just looked.” You chuckled yourself before he finally burst into the deep belly laugh he wanted to.

“Oh gods, it was so funny. Your legs just went above your head as your whole body went crazy for a minute. I really am sorry, I don’t mean to scare you, I really don’t.” Zorroku apologized profusely as Ori was still crying and reaching for you despite Zorroku’s best efforts to get her to stop.

“Baby, I am sopping wet. I can’t hold you, I’m sorry, I don’t want you to get wet either.” You tried to explain to her as you nuzzled your face next to hers to get her to stop crying which worked.

“So I take it the bug looking things in the bucket are the little lobsters?” Zorroku guessed with a grimace as he looked at them and shuddered since you had put a rock into the bucket along with water to keep it partially submerged in the water with you.

“They are,, they're name is crawfish. Real lobsters are about this big.” You nodded as you grestured to show how big their salt water cousins usually were before you suddenly saw movement in the river.

“Oh my gods!” You gasped in excitement and clapped your hands a little.   

“What?” Zorroku asked as he scanned the riverbanks for threats but didn’t see any.

“Oh I found a monster catfish! And since I’m already wet, I’m gonna catch him, get back on shore, and bring this with you please.” You bid him as you pointed to the bucket before you stalked across the river. 

Your blessings illuminated your prey in your field of vision as you could clearly see the monster of a catfish that was in a borough in the river before you looked along the banks and there were several as all of them seemed to glow in your field of vision. Oh hopefully Yotul and the rest of her family would like how you made catfish, especially Zorroku. 

Zorroku hesitantly obeyed you, but he watched you curiously as you stalked over to a hole in the river bank as you got down on your knees, the water came up to your breasts. You pulled out your very trusted blade in your free hand and raised it in the air, ready to use it. You thrust in your arm and cheered when the catfish bit down on your arm and you grabbed it’s throat from the inside and pulled it out, stabbing it in the head as hard as you could to kill it or at least stun it enough you could finish killing it on shore. Then you pulled it close to yourself since it was actually just as big as yourself. 

Zorroku just watched slack jawed as you wrestled with it before you stood up, carrying more than your body weight in a huge fish he had no idea was even there. He was now terrified to even put his feet into that river if such a monster as that was hiding under the bank of it.  You carried its dying and still wriggling body over to him with the  brightest happiest smile on your face that was as beautiful as the morning light was. 

“What the fuck is that thing?” He asked as he watched as the dying thing was still trying to topple you as you carried it across the river to the shore and was impressed as much as he was in awe yet slightly terrified of anything like that ever touching him. He waded in this river, naked on hot days and such a monster would see his pecker and bite it off thinking it was a worm!  

“This is a catfish! You see it’s whiskers?” You asked. 

“Yeah.” Zorroku nodded. 

“Cats have whiskers, this fish has whiskers, thus the name catfish.” You explained before you got it a safe space from the river bank so it wouldn’t flop back into the river and gut it with your knife right then and there. 

“You know, the more I think about it, Peaches is a pretty fitting nickname for you- because you’re sweet when you want to be but you’re a poisonous killer when you want to be too. Damn.” Zorroku praised and that got you to laugh and smile.

“Yeah, I guess I am.” You chuckled as you pulled the guts out and dropped the guts into the large bucket for the crawfish to eat on before you rinsed your arms and the knife off in the river again.

“And there’s…” You began as you took your knife and counted all the others who you could see up and down the river. 

“34 more.” You finished counting them. 

“I had always heard there were monsters in the river, I just never imagined they would be so close, or so big.” Zorroku realized. 

“How can you see them so well…wait, do your spite blessings show them to you?” He asked as you laughed again. 

“Spite blessings, I like that. That’s a very good term for them. Yes. This big guy felt like a tiny minnow in my hand when I was killing him. But these guys burrow into the mud during the winter and it’s spring so they just came out of their winter borrows and are feeding again. If the clan wanted to, you could catch them all and cook them up and have a fish fry large enough for the whole clan if you wanted to.” You revealed. 

“Well let's see how this one tastes and then we’ll see about eating the others. Little kids swim in that river. One of these guys could eat them whole if they wanted to.” Zorroku realized. 

“Nah, their throats aren’t that big and they don’t really have sharp teeth. Now a baby like Ori’s size? Oh yeah, no problem. But I doubt any mother is letting a baby Ori’s size into the water by themselves.” You waived off as you showed him the head and the throat and jaws as Zorroku just held Ori just a bit tighter. She stared in astonishment at the fish before you made sure your knife was put away. 

“Ok, now I’m done.” You announced as you got up let your wet skirts go back down around your legs and picked up the fish since Zorroku had his hands full with Ori and the bucket as you got the fish and the basket Ori had been laying in. 

Zorroku tried not to look into the bucket while Ori was on his other shoulder. While you held the fish by the gills over one shoulder like a ruck sack while you carried the basket in your other hand. Then all the crows and Razor came and the crows squeezed into the basket while Razor took up your other shoulder as they greeted you good morning again as you greeted each one by name again. 

“Are they all from Shuzug?” Zorroku asked thoughtfully as he nodded to the crows.

“Most of them, yes, I can’t imagine the foolishness they’ll contain today.” You shook your head and rolled your eyes but chuckled and smiled nonetheless. Then you just shivered and your teeth started clattering before Zorroku put his cloak over your shoulders after you took the fish off and Razor hopped off so the cloak would stay on your shoulders before he got back on once it was securely around you.

“Thanks,” you thanked him graciously even though it only covered your back and sides, your front was still open and exposed to the winds and you were pretty sure your nipples were now so hard and sharp they could cut the fabric of your dress all by themselves. 

“You’re welcome. So how did last night go?” Zorroku asked hopefully. 

“It went fine, she happily took a bath and I gave her a gentle massage to help her get sleepy and then once she nursed, she was out like a candle. And thanks to for tying that extra tent flap so securely, we weren’t disturbed once.” You answered as he ducked his head and smiled bashfully but guiltily all the same. 

“I don’t want you to feel like you’re being trapped here.” He began. 

“I don’t feel that way. Honestly it was a very sweet and kind gesture and it helped me realize just how safe I was last night. You’re more than welcome to do that from now on. I’ll sleep much better knowing that I won’t have any unexpected or unwanted visitors. I take it you saw my thank you.” You offered. 

“I did. I hoped it was a thank you and not a ‘do it again and I’ll tie your braids around your neck like a nuse’ warning.” Zorroku admitted as you laughed again. 

“No, never.” You reassured him. 

“So did you sleep at all or were you too worried about her to sleep?” You asked thoughtfully as you nodded over to Ori since your hands were full. 

“No, I slept just fine actually, because for the first time in her life, I wasn’t worried about her.” He answered. 

“Oh good.” You smiled in relief. 

“So could I ask you a few questions about Ori’s things?” You asked him hopefully. 

“Sure.” He nodded. 

“Why does Ori have silk diapers?” You asked him. 

“Because the cotton ones gave her a rash.” He answered. 

“Like she’s allergic to cotton- kind of a rash or her diaper didn’t get changed often enough and her mess stayed on her skin so long it gave her a rash?” You asked. 

“Uh, honestly, I don’t know the difference.” Zorroku answered. 

“She’s wearing cotton right now, I need to change her clothes immediately if she’s actually allergic to cotton.” You insisted before dropped the catfish and the crawfish off at the kitchen quickly before you went back to your tent to put Razor and the crows on the perch. You gave Zorroku back his cloak but he just hung it up on a cloak hanger now that he and Ori were in your tent where the coals in the fire pits kept the tent much warmer than it was outside. You got one of her silk blankets out and immediately undressed Ori to check her skin. 

“I don’t see where she’s broken out because of the cotton touching her. Was it the soap that she was allergic to? Cause some of the soaps used to wash dirty diapers is really harsh. Maybe when and if Kisska comes here, I’ll get gentle skin diaper soap from her.” You asked as you knelt on the floor next to the bed and went through her other stack of diapers and clothes to find silk ones. 

“Oh, I already have that. I put it in your washroom.” He said as he pointed to where it was in your tent. 

“So does she have really sensitive skin?” You asked. 

“Honestly since she was born so early, I only use the gentlest soaps for her clothes and the softest fabrics. Cause her skin was so thin when she was born. It was practically see through when she was born. She was covered in soft fur too. I thought Medowne had been part werewolf or something.” Zorroku answered. 

“Oh my gods, it’s a wonder she’s alive at all. She was born with lanugo?” You asked as your tone showed your horrified shock. 

“What’s lanugo?” He asked. 

“Only babies who are born too soon and come premature have lanugo. It's like a downy soft fur that will cover the skin. I learned it from Kisska. She says it’s really common for humans and other smooth skinned species to be born with hair but still be fully human or orc or whatever. It's something that babies lose in utero before they're born on time.” You answered. 

“Poor Orianna.” You cooed to Ori as you got her dressed in a satin dress that was silky smooth. 

“Has she had the rash on and off, like every time she wears cotton she breaks out or what was the trigger?” You asked thoughtfully.

“Honestly, it was always in the morning after Grat had had her all night.” Zorroku revealed as he switched to Ragesh as you breathed out a breath of relief and nodded in understanding. 

“Ok, if that is how she got it, then it wasn't that she was allergic to cotton. Grat probably didn’t change her diaper when she made a mess in it. You said Grat didn’t love her as her own and I believe it and don’t doubt that for a moment. It would make sense that Grat would do the bare minimum for Ori. Grat admitted to Rek when I started nursing her that she was grateful for it because Ori got on her nerves for being so fussy. She may not have an allergy to cotton at all. Being born premature, her skin is most likely still quite sensitive even with the lanugo now gone. And especially if she nursed from Grat and did have an allergy to onions. Having sulfur in the onions in the milk both in her belly and on her bottom in her mess, probably made the skin of her bottom have a rash even more than usual. Because most babies get diaper rash. Because her insides were probably in a similar state from her allergy to onions. So hopefully once we get all that onion milk she got from Grat out of her completely, and I change her diaper as soon as she makes a mess, she won’t have a problem with a rash anymore.” You sat down on your lower legs and breathed in relief to figure that out as Zorroku nodded in agreement as you kept your reply to Ragesh too just in case anyone was awake and overhearing your conversation because it seemed that none of Yotul's full blooded children spoke Ragesh. Only Zorroku and his full blooded siblings.

“Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.” Zorroku admitted as he sat in the chair next to the bed. 

“You poor baby. The things you’ve suffered all your life.” You cooed to Ori as you got her redressed and made sure that nothing would irritate her delicate skin. 

“Is her failure to thrive- why you have enough clothes and especially jewelry for her because you felt like you were going to bury her at any moment?” You asked thoughtfully before Zorroku’s head lowered as his cheeks got a darker midnight blue but he nodded in confirmation. 

"Medowne died before she could fully push Ori out, she just had gotten Ori's head out and that's all she could do. So Ori had to be cut out of her mother to be saved from dying with her. And of course, by the time we could get Ori out of her mother. And it was everything Kisska could do to not let Ori die with her mother then. And ever since, she's just...she's never been quite right physically. I have no idea how she really is mentally because of it. But I actually had waited to Medowne for a few days, just in case Ori needed to be buried with her." Zorroku admitted.

“I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the weight of that burden on you. I’ve…” Your voice broke as your eyes misted with tears. 

“A baby’s coffin is always the heaviest in the world. And I'm sure a mate's coffin is no different. Sadly I’ve had to bury too many. And I will do everything in my power to make sure that Ori is never one of them.” You whispered as you wiped your tears away as they started to fall before you picked Ori up and handed her back to Zorroku. 

“Did one of Bula’s children or grandchildren needed to be buried as infants?” Zorroku asked thoughtfully. 

“No. Thankfully Bula and her family have not had to deal with that loss. But I know it too well.” You breathed. 

“How?” Zorroku asked as he had you sit down in the chair next to him. 

“How Bula’s oldest two sons died is they were invited to another clan’s stronghold for an alliance meeting with a clan I never hope anyone here will ever have any dealings with.” You began. 

“Which clan?” He asked. 

“Nightmare Mamoth.” You answered as his eyes went wide, that was one of the worst clan in all of orcdom. Usually if a clan member was truly dishonorable, they could find a place in that clan. That clan didn’t farm, didn’t trade, only pillaged and plundered and destroyed everything they touched that wasn't precious things. 

“Oh no.” Zorroku breathed in horror. 

“When Khagra and his eldest sons arrived, they were invited to attend a birth that was in progress. It was from a bedroom slave and she was chained to the bed like an animal. And when she gave birth to a girl, she begged for mercy since that clan thought that baby girls were seen as an insult to honor. The Clan Chief of the clan had no Clan Chieftess. Only female slaves in his harem to give him sons. Any slave that gave him a girl was immediately executed, unless she had given him a son, then she was allowed to live, but only to ensure the care of her son, while her daughter was executed at birth. When that poor girl who was skin and bones and a pregnant belly- gave birth to her daughter. The Clan Chief killed his own daughter by smushing her head flat to a table with his own palm. Because he had the audacity to be insulted and embarrassed by her birth. And then he took his fist and smashed the slave’s head in too before he handed the dead newborn to another to cook up to feed the other pregnant slaves, hoping that since it was a baby girl, that it would make sure that they were carrying baby boys. But Khagra, and Myles, and Bullard, did their best to back out and get the hell out of there. But not before trying to free every slave they could. Myles and Bullard were killed trying to free the others. Khagra only made it back with the few baby girls he could carry in his arms. All of them died before he could make it home. Because the trip to get them home was long and they had already been left outside in the elements like garbage. Which is a “kindness” the Clan Chief allowed the mothers of sons to have.” You revealed lowly. 

“That’s horrible. Did you think we were like that?” Zorroku asked, horrified and appalled by this. He knew that clan was horrible, he had no idea it was that horrible though. 

“I didn’t know. But that’s why Yar immediately put himself on his quest, because he didn’t want to lose any more brothers or his own father. But the longer he’s on it, the more it twists his thinking. And it makes me fear that Yar will turn out just like the horrible monsters and waste of orc flesh that those clans who killed his brothers were.” You added. 

“When Khagra got back, with four dead baby girls in his arms, all of them newborns. Burying those baby girls was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life and thankfully Bula and her family helped me. And for Bula to not have bodies to bury for her own sons was really hard too. And that’s why Khagra never goes anywhere to make alliances. And it’s why everyone comes to him instead. Because he would at least have the protection of the rest of his clan if things got ugly. And in that disaster, he was almost fatally wounded, but wounded bad enough to give him pain and troubles for the rest of his life. He can’t bear the weight of a battle ax or a broadsword anymore or wield a warhammer or ride into battle like he used to either. That’s why he agreed to let me go. To save himself and the rest of his family. Because he didn’t know the truth about you or anyone in your family or your clan either. And I was just a servant to him after all. I was expendable.” You revealed as Zorroku had never been more digusted in his life.

“I am so sorry, if I had known, we would have approached you and Khagra’s clan differently. We would have brought Yotul and my sisters and sisters in law with us so you didn’t see just my father and all my brothers and me and think that we were the same way.” Zorroku apologized profusely as tears flooded his eyes as the news wounded him. 

“Zushku, it’s ok. It’s fine. I’m so happy and relieved things turned out the way they did. Honestly, if you had brought Yotul with you, Khagra would still never have let me go. Because he would have realized there wasn’t the threat he thought it was. And he may still never let the rest of my family go. And I would have woken up today no different than I did yesterday. And Ori would still be in the same position today that she was in the day before yesterday, and maybe even worse than she already is. Your grandmother Arob believed I was meant to be here for a reason. And that reason is in your arms. And I’m perfectly happy and content with that. And the fact that your dad was holding and playing and being affectionate with his daughters and granddaughters was all the reassurance I needed that you and this clan was nothing like any other. I have yet to meet a woman here who doesn’t want to be here or is here against her will, myself included.” You reassured him. 

“You sure?” Zorroku asked. 

“I’m sure.” You nodded with a confident grin.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get changed out of these wet clothes.” You assured him. 

“Oh, yeah, sorry, uh, I’ll get out and let you get dressed. Um, yeah, feel free to call me Zushku all you want. I love that nickname.” He reassured you as he awkwardly as his cheeks flushed even darker as he got up and seemed to stutter and stammer as his body seemed to do the same before you took him by the arm, put his cloak back onto him and gently ushered him out as he awkwardly held Ori and her blankets over him to hide the immediate erection he got when you used that name on him. 

And despite his balls not having had the chance to give their seed to anyone, they were already aching again to give it to you, and to see you all wet and your clothes clinging to you only made him want you even more. And then to see you kill a monster sized fish as if it was a tiny minnow and carry it like it hardly weighed anything turned him on even more. Because the thought of going on a courting hunt with you had him itching to get his hunting clothes and gear out and ready. Because the first time you hunted together was like witnessing a goddess wielding her powers and performing miracles. He never stopped being in utter awe of you since the first time he tasted your cooking. And then to meet you in person just blew him away and he just felt he needed to prove himself to you and his intentions and assure you and reassure you that you would never have to fear or be afraid of anything or anyone as long as he drew breath.

“I’ll only be a moment Zushku.” You reassured him before you closed the tent flap and eagerly stripped out of your clothes and washed the river water off of yourself and then you changed into sadly the very last dress you owned. But it was so tight you could barely breathe, it was a dress you had made the year before last. It made your cleavage look bigger even before you got blessed by Arob and now it just looked ridiculous on you. You looked in the mirror and were alarmed by how you looked in it. 

“Shit.” You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t wear the dress you wore last night today because that would make it look like you spent the night in a tent other than your own but you didn’t even want to leave your own tent looking like this. This dress hugged your upper body and hips like crazy. Your breasts practically touched your chin now they were so pushed up. You were barely able to tuck your nipples into the top of the dress only all of your breasts were practically exposed except for the nipples. You looked like a whore. At least in your opinion.

“Shit, shit, shit, fuck.” You continued to curse and you heard Zorroku snort a laugh.

“Is everything ok in there?” He asked.

“No, I mean yes, I mean...that’s a complicated answer right now.” You answered as you blushed as you tried to find your summer cloak or look to see if you were given any more clothes last night other than the fabrics. And you found none. 

It was going to be a hot day and you didn’t want to roast inside Zorroku’s cloak or even the heavy cloak you got given and once you got your summer cloak out, it wouldn’t fucking stay closed and just accentuated your cleavage even more and you found yourself growling in frustration to yourself.

“Ok what’s going on? Is there a way I can help?” Zorroku asked because he didn’t mean to but he was getting even harder just hearing you growling. He couldn’t help but imagine your wet naked body in your tent and wanting to warm you up the old fashioned way.  

“Can you get Glasha up and tell her to come to me please?” You requested and he just went over one tent and woke his sister up by easily untying the tie and stepping in afterknocking the knocker against the pole that was next to the door like a doorbell. 

“Hey, Peaches needs you. Right now.” Zorroku said as she woke up and glared at him for waking her up so early and she grumbled as she came out of her tent in her pajamas and went to yours.

“Peaches?” Glasha asked.

“Yeah, hang on.” You requested as you came and hid behind the tent flap to let her in.

“What in the wor...OH MY GODS WOW!!” Glasha exclaimed when you shut the tent flap and tied it closed.

“Shhhh!!!! Not so loud! Ok I have a situation. I only own three dresses ok? I was in the river this morning and fell and that’s why it’s sopping wet and hung up over here. And I can’t wear the one I wore yesterday because that’ll make it look like I spent the night in any other place except my tent and I don’t want to deal with that drama so all I have left is this and because of what your grandmother did to my boobs, I look like a whore in this dress, I can not leave my tent looking like this.” You tried to hush her but she was just standing there rocking with laughter.

“I hate you, so much right now.” You grumbled sarcastically as you tried not to laugh yourself.

“Oh I think you should definitely strut around in that today, it’ll solve all your problems.” Glasha continued to laugh.

“No! It won’t! It’ll be like asking all of your brothers and every other orc in this village to rape me, no, I can not.” You hissed quietly.

“No, they won’t.” Glasha tried to reassure you.

“Really?” You said disbelievingly.

“Well how else are you going to go to the seamstress to get new dresses?” Glasha argued.

“Can she come here?” You asked hopefully.

“No, she’s bed bound, everyone goes to her.” Glasha informed you.

“Ffuuuuuuck me.” You whimpered.

“You know in that dress I kinda want to.” Glasha teased.

“My point exactly! Fuck, you know what? Fuck it. I’ll just wear my dress from yesterday. The rumors that will come with that dress are better than the conclusions this one has when I wear it.” You decided.

“It’s not that bad!” Glasha offered.

“Really? You want to test that?” You said as you grabbed her hand and walked her over to the tent flap again and ripped it open to reveal Zorroku, Yalak, Grushnag and Muranag and Nar on the other side eavesdropping as they suddenly stared slack jawed at you, all four of them very clearly showing their hard ons suddenly tenting their pants.

“See?!” You practically screeched to Glasha as you ripped them back closed as she just fell to her knees and then the floor and rolled with laughter because the looks on her brother’s faces was priceless. You just dissolved into a string of curses in every language you knew, especially your own mother tongue.

“Wow, she is..feisty, I love it.” Yalak noted under his breath as he and his brothers went back to eavesdropping as they all just nodded dumbly back. You had been- a vision. Like the epitome of sexy and they totally wanted to see you like that again. Holy shit they had thought your breasts had gotten huge last night, now they were practically coming out of your dress to greet them.

“What the hell is going on?” Yotul demanded sleepily as she found herself standing outside your tent in her pajamas and her cloak watching her sons eavesdrop with clear irritation.

“Uh...” All her sons stuttered as they looked at each other before she just huffed and came into the tent to see you trying to get out of your dress but struggling.

“Sorry to wake you up, I have a problem.” You whimpered as you gestured to yourself.

“Wow, Honey, I would pay a hundred gold pieces to have a dress do to my body what that one is doing to yours.” Yotul chuckled before she gently kicked at Glasha’s side.

“Get up, you’re not helping.” Yotul chided her.

“Yeah except, you are The Clan Chieftess and no one would assume the things about you that they would assume about me if they saw me in this.” You tried to counter as you tried to wriggle out of it but just managed to pull your boobs out as they swayed and jiggled as you tried to peel the rest of it off of you.

“And what would they assume?” Yotul asked in curious amusement.

“Oh just that I’m a whore who sucks cock and drinks cum for every meal if I don’t get every hole on my body stuffed so full of so much cum my belly distends like I’m pregnant every gods forsaken fifteen minutes.” You complained as she came over to help you out of your dress. You heard some strangled snickers just outside your tent door before the ravens all started cawing ‘BIG BOOBS!’ ‘BELLA BIG BOOBS!’ before you heard even more strangled snickering laughter from the entrance to your tent.

“And you all can go away! You’re not helping! Go find a tree to piss on! Or I’m going to escort her back to the Black Wolf White Rock Clan myself as soon as I get her out of this!” Yotul yelled at her sons angrily who all quickly scattered.

“We would never think that of you though Peaches!” Nar offered as he ran away as you just buried your face into your palms and shook your head.

“Thank you Nar.” You offered in a defeated huff in his direction before she finally got you out of that dress and you bent over and had to breathe, the seams of the dress imprinting on your body already.

“Not that I want you to go, because I don’t, I adore you, I want you to stay. But they really don’t want you to go so I’m going to use that against them to get them to behave.” Yotul reassured you softly.

“Thanks. I totally understand, Bula does that all the time to Shuzug too.” You returned.

“Fuck, how did you squeeze into this to begin with?” Yotul asked as she held up the dress and looked at you comparing the dress to you.

“Power of will, I think. I didn’t want to wear this dress because I didn’t want anyone to think I slept in anyone else’s tent other than my own and I was hunting those crawfish. And that river out there is crawling with them. Which is awesome. But that was just after sunrise. And Zorroku was just being a concerned father and came to check on Ori, but we weren’t in here, we were at the river. And I had her safely tucked into a basket on the bank just in case I slipped and fell into the water. And Zorroku found us there and all he did was greet me, very nicely, very respectfully but I was not expecting anyone to be awake that early in the morning. And so I spooked, screamed, slipped on the river rocks, went flying backwards and landed right in the river and flirted with drowning as it tried to carry my flailing body downstream. The poor crawfish I had had in my hands went flying upstream somewhere and I lost them. And it was, understandably, very funny,” You giggled as Yotul and Glasha roared with laughter at the story, both of them sitting down on your bed and holding their sides.  

“So since I only have three dresses, this one, that one and that one, I was hoping that one wouldn’t be as indecent and immodest as it was and the moment I finally squeezed into it I went… ‘no, fuck no’ and so here we are.” You explained as you got redressed in your dress from last night.

“Ok, well just let me get dressed and get some breakfast in us. And we’ll go to the seamstress and get you dresses that will fit however you want them to.” Yotul offered before she looked at all the crows sharing a perch with Razor.

“More messages from home?” She asked.

“Most of them are from your nephew, Shuzug and I can’t imagine the foolishness they contain. You can get them and read them yourself if you want, I don’t mind, you are family after all.” You offered as you continued to get dressed as she took you up on your offer and went over and got the messages off the legs of the crows before reading them herself and cracking up laughing again.

“How old is he again?” Yotul asked.

“Ten, how he’s managed to survive that long, I don’t know,” you answered her.

“Well apparently he managed to find some wolf pups, there’s a red one he’ll be training for you because it’s reddish fur reminds him of you.” Yotul repeated.

“Great.” You sarcastically quipped which got Glasha and Yotul to snicker a laugh. 

“Just what I’ve always wanted!” You added in the most sarcastic way you could and it got Yotul and Glasha to bark a laugh at that before Yotul got the other ones.

“Oh this is from my sister!” Yotul realized when one of the birds was carrying a different message in a different writing and was signed in her name.

“And what does Bula say?” You asked. 

“She wants to know how you know that it’s really me. Can I reply back to this?” She asked hopefully. 

“Please do.” You invited her before she quickly got your pen and wrote down her response. 

“I’m inviting them to come to us as soon as they can, I can’t wait to see her again. And she will hopefully recognize me. And I'm insisting they bring the rest of your family too." Yotul smiled happily as she wrote down that response. 

You finished getting dressed and quickly wrote your responses on the other messages back of the messages themselves, before loading them up and sending the crows home. Suddenly there were screams heard from the kitchen tent as all three of you bolted for the kitchen.  

“Oh gods what now?” Yotul growled before the three of you entered the kitchen tent to find all the girls huddled together across from the catfish and the crawfish.

“It moved! The fish moved! It’s supposed to be dead!” One of them cried.

“And the bucket is full of bugs! Huge ugly bugs!” Another wailed.

“Oh calm yourselves, a lot of fish do that.” Yotul reprimanded as she came over to inspect both.

“Wow Peaches, you did good. How did you catch this?” Yotul asked as she gestured to the fish, usually fish that needed big hooks and heavy line to get caught.

“With my hands, they don’t really have ‘teeth’ so to speak, you just find their dens in the water and stick your arm in and they bite your arm and you grab their throats and guts from the inside and then pull them out and stab them in the head.” You shrugged as you illustrated that as the other girls gasped in horror watching you demonstrate that.

“That’s my girl.” Yotul smiled proudly as she gave you a side hug.

“And these must be crawfish. You’re right! Little lobsters! Who would have thought we had them. How similar are they in taste to the real thing?” She asked as she picked one up and inspected it, using her experience with real lobsters to do so- so she wouldn’t get pinched by their pincers.

“Half way between shrimp and lobster but sweeter because they’re smaller.” You answered.

“I want it all for breakfast. I’ll help you skin this because I doubt they know how.” Yotul offered as she got a special set of pliers and a very sharp knife.

“Thank you.” You thanked her as you got your own knives and nailed it to the counter with one before you cut a ring around the head and tried to take off some of the skin from the flesh, just enough that she could grab it with the pliers and she got it and ripped the skin away as the others just continued to watch on in slightly horrified shock that their mother could do such a thing.

“Woo! You got it Mom! Look at you go!” You offered as you gave her a high five and she laughed and returned it.

“I like that, you can keep calling me that all you want.” Yotul invited and you both shared a bright smile.

“Want to filet it too?” You offered.

“How about you do one side and I’ll do the other, I haven’t filet-ed a fish in forever.” Yotul said as as you got the fish to lay on the side and showed her how you filet fish. Which was incidentally how Bula and her mother showed you how to filet fish. That seemed to jog her memory. Once you finished you took the filet off and trimmed every bit of even slightly yellowish flesh off as she came and flipped the fish over and filet-ed it on the other side with surprising ease and smiling happily to herself as she removed it with ease before she did what you did and trimmed it of the fat and yellow flesh too.

“Oh this is going to be delicious, ok, let me get dressed for the day. I’m looking forward to seeing how you make all this.” She bid you as you nodded and got to work as the other girls slowly came forward to watch you curiously as they tried to make their own breakfasts for the rest of the family as you got the other large pot and filled it with a bunch of chili peppers. 

Then you, out of habit, went to the garden part to fetch more. But you stopped dead in your tracks when you found a fully fledged and formed garden just outside the kitchen tent. Everything you had planted the night before had grown into fully formed and fully fledged maturity! Even the peach trees had grown and bloomed overnight! They were half the size of full grown trees but still, they were blooming and even little peaches had started to form already. You couldn’t help but cry to see it all. It was all so beautiful to you.

“Everything ok?” Glasha asked as she found her way next to you.

“What the hell was in that water?” You asked as you laughed through your tears as you wiped them away.  

“Grandma Arob blessed the water herself. It’s the same water she used to find you to show your glorious future with us. And it’s the water she told us to use to water the garden so that the sting of missing home would lesson every day.” Glasha explained softly as she put her arm around your shoulders affectionately. You returned her side hug by wrapping your arm around her waist.  

“It’s a miracle, it’s...wonderful.” You praised as you went ahead and started harvesting some of the already ripe peppers and other ingredients. You noticed the other girls go ahead and come out and start harvesting from the garden too. As if this had always been here. But they steered clear of the peppers as you went ahead and got those yourself for the crawfish water. And once that was boiling and cooking you helped them slice the slabs of bacon and showed them how to fry it and sliced the hams into steaks and fried those in the bacon grease. And then you fried the eggs in the bacon grease too before they saved it once they were done.

Once everything was set, you sat next to Yotul but Zorroku was still on the other side of you with Ori to keep both her and himself close to you. You had sliced the big filets of catfish into smaller pieces so everyone in the family could have a taste of the fried catfish. That was the first item to get eaten up. The whole family practically moaned as they all devoured that first. As Crowthu insisted that the rest of the fish be caught and prepared for dinner either that night or another night soon because it was very good. Then Yotul and yourself began working on the heap of crawfish and the stew that had cooked overnight using the bones that the whole family enjoyed. They curiously eyed Yotul and yourself as the two of you ate the crawfish. Now that they were cooked and turned to a brilliant red, they looked a bit more appetizing.

“Ok, how do you eat this?” Crowthu asked as he carefully picked one up before Yotul and yourself gave him step by step instructions on how to eat it before others in the family gingerly took one and followed the same instructions. 

“Now you don’t have to eat the head, it’s an acquired taste.” You told him before he tried it after eating the tail and quite liked the tail meat before he tried sucking the head and quickly spit it out into his waste bucket and made a disgusted face before downing wine to get the taste out of his mouth.

“No, that’s not a taste I will be acquiring.” Crowthu shook his head before he got the tiny bit of claw meat from the claws before getting another one and saved the heads for Yotul to eat. Which she didn’t mind, at all, she loved it in fact. This was the closest taste of home she had had in a very long time and she was thoroughly enjoying and savoring it. If anyone had told her this would have been happening last night she would have scoffed and argued with that. But now, she was embracing you joining the family harder than anyone.

“Yeah ok, it looks like a bug but it tastes really good.” Glasha admitted as she tried it and loved it too. 

“I don’t know Dad, I kinda like the taste of the head.” Zorroku admitted from the other side of you with Ori nestled between you in her special little chair to help her sit at the table as Zorroku tried them too and really liked them too.  

After breakfast and after nursing, all the women in the family escorted you to the seamstress with all the fabric that was gifted you including the very fine fabric for your wedding dress that Yotul had kept in her tent specifically for you. She had actually kept specific fabrics for all of her daughters in law and she carried that fabric herself while everyone else got armfulls of your other fabrics. You had asked Yotul how much money to bring to pay the seamstress but she insisted that you didn’t need to pay anything at all, that her and Crowthu were covering the expense themselves since you were their daughter and it was their honor and privilege to pay for your needs. 

But unbeknownst to you, Zorroku had already dropped off all of Medowne’s clothes to the seamstress so that she could take them in to fit you since that would take her less time than making clothing from scratch and that the extra material could be used to make more clothes for Ori so that both of you matched since he and Medowne already had a lot of matching outfits. When Medowne had died, he had buried her in her wedding dress but Arob had discouraged him from burying her with much else. And that he would need the other clothes for Ori’s mother soon. And while he hadn’t wanted to believe her. Now he was grateful for it and he managed to get out of the seamstresses hut without you seeing him, but only followed by Nar and the twins who also dropped off their feminine fabrics so that clothes could be made for you too. While Yalak requested for Grat to see what you were drawn to so that he could commission the best outfit for you that you would like best. 

“Lazgar, meet my new daughter, Bella or Peaches as we’ve come to know her. She’s our Marfu from the Black Wolf White Rock Clan. Who has the great honor of marrying whichever of my sons she wants. And she will be needing new dresses and outfits, make sure they reflect that status. And here is the fabric for her wedding dress as well.” Yotul ordered as Glasha immediately recognized the trunk her late sister in law Medowne had kept her clothes in and immediately knew what her brother Zorroku was up to and couldn’t stop grinning when she saw the note that was with them. 

“Hello, it’s a pleasure to meet you Lady Lazgar.” You offered respectfully with a small bow of your head to her. You held your pile of fabrics in your arms with Ori still in her sling on your chest. Then you set them down next to her on her spot in front of her work table as she blinked in surprise but smiled at you.

Then she spoke to Yotul in Pregu before Yotul answered and you were getting a little better at figuring out what they’re saying, something about ‘you being polite and respectful and how in the world did you manage a place in their household’. Then Arob joined in and began singing your praises so to speak which got Lazgar’s eyebrows to rise in surprise even more as she looked you up and down again. You ran your fingers through Ori’s hair affectionately as she took her second morning nap on your chest. Her milk drunk smile- still adorable as ever. Even the others noted how it had seemed to fill in overnight as the others smiled adoringly to see Ori so happy for the first time in her life as even her complexion had improved overnight too. 

Lazgar, Arob and Yotul kept talking. And you had not wanted to be rude and interrupt them. So that left you happily hold Ori and sway in place to keep her asleep. Lazgar, Arob and Yotul smiled serenely and proudly at you and between their conversation, watched you slip into the role of mother so effortlessly and so well with Ori. 

“Come, I’ll fit you for your dresses, I take it you’ll need nursing dresses.” Lazgar assumed, switching back to the common tongue after their conversation finished. 

“Yes, and if I could get them modest please, like I want my breasts mostly covered when I’m not nursing.” You requested.

“Show me.” Lazgar said as she handed you a small piece of cloth as Glasha took Ori so you could tuck it in how you had the towel tucked in last night at dinner. 

“Well I guess a little won’t hurt.” You figured as you tucked a tiny bit down to show just a tasteful little peek but definitely not to the degree your current dress was showing them off.

“You are blessed with beautiful tits and you want them so covered?” Lazgar asked in shock.

“Well I don’t like being looked at like a piece of meat.” You tried to gently counter.

“Oh but Honey, that’s the way to go around here. We flaunt what we got. It’s better than to be looked at than ignored.” Lazgar urged.

“She has a brilliant mind, she doesn’t want to be reduced to a pretty thing to look at. She’s to be the next Warchieftess because surely any son she marries, if he is not one, he will be made one soon. She needs to be respected and revered.” Arob pointed out.

“She can have both.” Lazgar argued.

“Just make the damn dresses and outfits how she wants. She is no slave to your will or mine. If she’s happy and comfortable she will wear them with pride instead of trying to hide herself like she has since she’s gotten here. Until she feels she owns herself and her destiny, which she does, she’s still new to all this, how can we expect her to be warchieftess and lead our clan if she has no control even in these things? If she wants to be covered from head to toe, let her be so, also make her proper riding outfits, I’d imagine she’ll need a lot of support to make sure her boobs don’t bounce off when the horses trot.” Yotul ordered in Pregu and that seemed to be the final word on that.

“Ok, so show me how you want the dresses and outfits.” Lazgar caved and you gave Yotul and Arob the most beautiful and grateful smile. Because you knew it was because of them that Lazgar was caving. You went through and ordered very pretty yet comfortable and modest dresses and outfits and even requesting that any extra fabric be used to make Ori dresses big enough to grow into. You were downright delighted that women around here often wore pants a lot instead of nothing but dresses all the time.

 And when you were done, you went to her husband, Lazzare, who was the village’s saddler and fit you for a saddle too.

“I don’t have a horse...” You began as you sat down on the children’s saddle since that fit you better than the average one did before there was a snickering laugh among everyone else.

“Yet, you’ll be getting at least a dozen very soon.” Yotul informed you.

“A dozen?!” You repeated, your own face showing surprise.

“One from each son, one from me, one from Crowthu and one from Arob plus whoever you choose, if he has a wife already, his wife will get you one too. It’s a Thunder Herd Clan tradition. I have over four dozen myself. One for each pregnancy, plus an extra one for each son I have given Crowthu and I get them for anniversaries or whenever we make out good with a raid and or battle. Trust me, chances are you’ll have more than that by the time you get to be my age.” Yotul explained without a trace of jealousy or resentment at all.

“Oh, wow, ok.” You nodded in understanding as you finished getting fitted for a saddle and took Ori back who woke up and wanted to be held by you again. 

“And I’d imagine you’d be getting a herd of cows pretty soon, and pigs.” Arob added as you walked back through the village as you noticed others in the village were looking at you curiously and fondly.

“I would prefer if we actually bought them or traded for them rather than steal them though.” You murmured quietly to Arob.

“Then say that to the boys.” Arob gently urged you before you changed the subject.

“So how many horses do I get if I give twin boys?” You asked almost teasingly to Arob which got her to laugh.

“Hey Yotul, how many horses will she get if she gave you twin boys as grandsons?” Arob asked.

“Ooh, at least another dozen, at least six from your husband and at least six from Crowthu and I, why? Do twins run in your family?” She asked.

“Yeah...” You answered with a nervous laugh. “I’m a twin, all my siblings are twins, it runs on both sides of my family.” You answered.

“Aww!” They all awed at you as you came back to the family’s main tent to relax and nurse the babies before you would have to make lunch before the crows returned again.

“Ok this is getting ridiculous and out of hand.” You grumbled as you paused and brought them back into your tent to see what messages they were carrying before you got the message back from Bula.

“Oh fuck.” You breathed before you took the message and hunted down Crowthu.

“Hey, uh, I really need to talk to you, um, privately.” You told him nervously.

“Yes daughter?” He answered as you got to a private corner.

“Hey so I asked Yotul if she would be ok with me telling Bula, Clan Chief Khagra’s wife, your wife’s sister about Yotul and finding her and about the fact that your children by Yotul and Bula’s kids are first cousins. And she said yes so I did and then she sent messages of her own too. Which I should have probably cleared with you first and I’m sorry I didn’t. Anyway and so that was this morning, and the crows returned just now with this message.” You nervously explained before you handed him the message which he read curiously before he snorted a laugh.

“So I’m actually brothers in law with Clan Chief Khagra and his family wants to come and visit as soon as possible. That’s fine with me. I’ll let everyone know. Tell them they’re welcome to come. They hosted us hospitably, we’ll return the favor, plus it’ll lower the tensions. I don’t mind one bit.” Crowthu returned calmly with a gentle smile.

“Oh thank the gods.” You blew out in relief.

“And you can call me Dad, don’t bother with that Chief, or Lord business.” Crowthu invited.

“Could I have a hug then?” You returned.

“Yeah,” Crowthu chuckled as he opened his arms and hugged you tightly as you hugged back.

“I want you to feel as well as know you’re welcome here Peaches, if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know ok?” He offered softly before he kissed the crown of your head affectionately.

“I will, thanks Dad.” You returned as you smiled to yourself, feeling more at home now than you had before.

“So what happened this morning at the river? Did I hear you scream this morning?” Crowthu asked as he felt you start to let go before he let go.

“Oh my gods, ok so let me tell you a story...” You began as you went through the story again as Crowthu laughed so hard he was crying and barely breathing since you were so animated and gesturing wildly complete with sound effects as you went through the whole morning.

“Oh you poor thing, you just can’t catch a break.” Crowthu wiped the tears from his eyes.

“You know, that’s just the way things are with me, I have come to accept it.” You shrugged. “Ok, I gotta go show this to Mom and then I’ll write back and we’ll just… try to prepare as much as we can, I can’t imagine the craziness that will ensue cause it’ll be one hell of a family reunion.” You chuckled.

“Yeah it will be.” Crowthu nodded before you left and found Yotul and showed her the message. And then told her that her husband agreed to it. She literally squealed and jumped up and down while hugging you in excitement. 

Suddenly she was barking orders and really orchestrating things as you quickly wrote back and sent the crows back before you started taking lessons from Yotul on how to really take charge of the whole clan like she did. You were used to running things in a kitchen. But this was a whole new level of delegating and organizing that you found quite illuminating, if not very instructing. You helped the boys pick out proper tents and things for Khagra and Bula and their family.  Their tents would be getting set up nearby and close to Yotul’s tent before Glasha came back with an equally happy smile. 

“Mom!” Glasha hollered as she held up her message in her hand. 

“What?” Yotul asked as Glasha came with the message in hand and handed it to Yotul who gasped and her eyes went wide when she read the message. 

“Dad already agreed to it.” Glasha revealed as she looked both excitedly yet anxiously from the message to her adopted mother. 

“We need to make a space for them too.” Yotul said. 

“Mom? What’s wrong?” You asked her. 

“Nothing is wrong, just, my sister in law is coming with her clan to meet you too.” She said as she handed you the message to read yourself. 

“And…and my grandmother is coming! I finally get to meet my grandmother!” You stared at the message and had to read it twice as tears came to your eyes. 

“Make sure that all the room for the Mountain Blizzard clan is closest to Peaches’ tent.” Yotul directed the others. 

“Go to Lazgar and ask to make sure you get one good outfit by tomorrow at the latest. Because chances are, they’re already coming and will be here in the morning, if not tonight. Tell her to pull every available seamstress in the clan.” Yotul instructed. 

“Ok.” You nodded as you and Ori went back to Lazgar with Yotul’s instruction as her hut was already lined with seamstresses working on your outfits who happily made sure they had pinned them right by having you try them on to make sure they were taking the already made clothes in enough for you and they were all so happy to hear that even the Mountain Blizzard Clan was coming to see you. Then you revealed how you were connected to them as they were all both impressed yet understood the need for your clothes to be exceptional if Dowager Clan Chieftess Jaseenah had wanted to make you a Visla.

Lazgar had gotten her assistants to take out her best threads and her best laces and trims and pearls and beads and gemstones so that your clothing would be befitting of both Crowthu and Yotul’s Marfu and Jaseeneh’s Visla. You tried to pay them for their extra hard work and effort and while you really had to insist on it, they eventually took the payment from you as you made sure they all got a share of it which the assistants really appreciated. And they all promised you that your outfits which would be done by midday tomorrow would be perfect for you as they arranged a bust they usually used for the humans in the clan to your measurements to make sure they could keep fitting their outfits to- to make sure they would fit you perfectly as they were even working on undergarments for you which you really appreciated as they professionally measured your body to make sure the undergarments, especially for your breasts would be big enough since you would be needing nursing bras under your outfits. 

Once you got back, and tried to help prepare for both clans to come, Grushnag and Murnag subtly measured you for the fur cloak they were making you out of the wolf hides. While you watched appreciatively as they worked hard and worked together setting up everything. The men used the heat of the day to take their shirts off. And they may or may not have been flexing and showing off for your benefit. And you may or may not have watched on and blushed and bit your lips watching Zorroku the most of all. The others, you barely noticed.

Your dreams and visions came back full force. You felt yourself grow hot and feverish just watching him. To the point you almost felt like you needed another dip into the cold river to get yourself under control again because Zorroku was just that magnificent.

After lunch, all the girls then brought you to the bathing tent where they bathed daily and the water coming from a natural spring their forefathers discovered, that was not actually connected to the river but independent from it and it was the water they used to drink and bathe with here, leaving only the river to pull food from while all waste was buried very far away from both water sources. 

The private bathing tent was for Crowthu’s family only. It had a giant copper heated tub on an iron frame with smoldering coals underneath it to keep the water hot. All kinds of soaps in colors you didn’t think soap could come in. But the bathing attendants were so happy to show off the different kinds they made. Using ingredients and techniques you had never heard of, of both hot and cold processed soap.

Because while most orc clans saw the benefits of keeping clean and well groomed to keep sickness and infection away. You suddenly realized the bit of extreme degree the Thunder Herd Clan liked to keep clean. Not just in body but in clothes and bedding and tents too. You recalled your walks through the village. How everything seemed nice, neat and organized and very clean even for being on grass and dirt. 

Then the attendants went through the oils and perfumes they had too for you and for Ori as well. All the other women and babies and little ones all got a nice hot bath. The temperature of the water was kept not so hot that it would hurt Ori or the other babies at all. But still be warm enough to be cleansing and relaxing. All fo you got scrubbed and washed by both yourselves and each other. Then you all sat down on the bench that was built in around the edge of the massive tub. This thing was honestly the size of a large pool and five feet deep with a large platform built around it so that you could get in and out easily and the attendants could tend to all of you easily while they sat on small stools around the edge of the frame. 

All while the little ones practiced swimming in the middle from one female relative to another. All of you were relaxing in the hot soothing waters as the attendants washed your hair, scrubbed your scalp, did deep conditioning treatments for your hair then combed and braided your hair in the traditional Thunder Herd Clan way. You hair was just gorgeous as all the girls marveled at your red hair. Especially since they had never seen anyone with red hair before. And thanks to some hair conditioners and oils, it was the softest it had ever been in your life. 

Then the attendants treated you to your first massage while you reclined in the waters as all the girls giggled at watching you get your neck and shoulders and back and arms massaged as you practically melted into the water. Glasha held Ori for you and played with her so you could relax completely. They used the pink salt of the mountains to scrub your skin until it was softer than it was when you were babe. Then they drenched you in special perfumed oil and your own eyes threatened to roll all the way back into your head from pleasure. This was the greatest experience of your life so far and you soaked it up.

“So tell me about Grecko’s wives.” Yotul invited.

“Oh gods, they’re really beautiful and really talented but they fight. All. The. Time.” You answered honestly which earned a round of hums of agreement.

“Like to have more than one wife, and to keep them both or all of them happy is very difficult. To marry sisters is even more difficult and to marry twin sisters is like trying to climb to the top of the tallest mountain with no climbing gear. It’s next to impossible. Because between wives to the same man is a constant battle. It’s a battle for equality, it’s a battle for favor, it’s a battle for time, for affection, making sure your kids get the same amount of quality time that the others do, if you want sons or children period you have to calculate when you lay with him just right...” You explained.

Arob and her daughters and daughters in law sensed that you didn’t take to the idea of multiple wives well which they all understood and to a degree agreed with but before then, they simply knew it was part of life and part of being in the Clan Chief’s family as the other daughters in law were trying to make an effort to get along with you just in case you became their sister wife. But they still realized they had better chances of befriending you and staying your friend if you didn’t choose their husbands. And despite their husbands requests, they had been subtly steering you towards Zorroku anyway. Because they could see how much he actually cared for you rather than wanting you based on a probable prophecy.

“Wait, there’s a way to calculate that?” Yotul asked in astonishment as did all the women in the tub who all sat up and sat forward just as your massage ended and you said a word of thanks to the attendants.

“Oh yeah. Ok, so the secret to that is something that a very old midwife taught me. Her name is Mama Gak and she is amazing, she came with Mama Borba when the twins came into the clan and I love and adore her too, anyway, so what she taught me is if you were to look at a month on a square, seven days are in a week, four weeks in a month right?” You began as you made a square gesture and gestured to the weeks horizontally.

“So if you were to write down the day you start your moon blood and then count the number of days you have it and count the days in between each one, you’ll usually have between 25-33 days, usually it’s 28. So once you have that number, divide it by half, usually it’s between 12-16, usually 14. So on a calendar, you mark the half way point, that’s usually the day you can have sex and get pregnant on, and usually a couple of days before and a couple of days after that point is considered your conceive week." You began to explain.

"Now if you want a girl, have sex 2-4 days before the halfway point, in the first half of the conceive week, if you want a boy, have sex on the halfway point and the few days after on the conceive week but absolutely no sex before that point. If you have sex the day before the halfway point of conceive week, the day of the halfway point and the day after, it’s a gamble and there’s no way to tell until you give birth. That’s what she told me. And that’s what Grecko’s wives have done. They both laid with Grecko all three days and Ahshna had a set of twin boys and the Aysha had a set of girls." You revealed.

"Now another way Mama Gak told me is to test the wetness in your womanhood. If you wipe it with your fingers, and put your fingers together, if it’s wet like water like this, no go. If it forms a string between your fingers, in the words of Mama Gak-‘ride that dick like you own it’.” You urged as you giggled which got them all to squeal, hoot, holler, laugh and giggle too.

You got Ori back and let her lay down on your chest and cuddle with your chest, happy and content when you gently massaged her in turn, an attendant letting you get more oil for her skin too, Ori beaming a super happy smile as she cuddled up to your chest as you continued to talk and gossip the afternoon away until all of you were prune-y.

You borrowed one of Urzel’s outfits, one of Yotul’s younger daughters, which was a little big on you but was much better than being too small for you and infinitely more comfortable than your dresses were and just like that, it was like you had always been here and always been part of this family and you loved it as Yotul’s daughters in law all checked their womanhood and Grat and Rek both found that their essence from their womanhood was stringy.

“Ooh, excuse us, we have dicks to ride.” Rek and Grat cackled as Yotul took YakYak and Glasha took her nephew Shum from Rek as the two left the bathing tent to go look for their husbands for what you assumed was ‘afternoon delight’.  

That night over dinner and again over the midnight meal you really got to know and drew very close to everyone in Crowthu’s family. Especially once it seemed Yalak and Grat and Murnag and Rek seemed to be in a very good mood. And especially once you got your guitar out and your violin and played and sang songs and told stories and legends and jokes as they were all amazed but not surprised you could sing and play so well. They were all just so delighted that you were so wonderful to be around. And now that you were there, they really did feel whole and complete as a family, like you were the missing puzzle piece this whole time.

Zorroku just looked at you with so much adoration, you thought it bordered on love. But part of you was still afraid to return it because you figured it was only a matter of time before he would get several more wives. You felt he deserved to have so many fawning all over him. Even though your dreams and visions showed you the opposite to be true. But you dismissed them as simply dreams by your overactive imagination.

But that night, after Zorroku made sure you got to your own tent safely and retied the tent flap again. The dreams still didn’t let up. In fact, they got even more vivid, to the point you could see that you were in a different tent, this one a light silver gray with blues and greens embroidered into the panels and roof and it was so pretty. Plus the bed you were on was even bigger and even more comfortable than the one you had now. And you could taste Zorroku when he kissed you and feel the calluses on his hands as they reverently touched you. You felt the pressure of being full as his manhood that filled you, practically stuffed you. You could feel the heat of his breath and softness of his lips on your skin and feel the reverberations of his deep groaning and moaning as well as the heat from his body as it covered yours possessively as he made love to you over and over again. He brought you to your release, more times than he got to his. He whispered and murmured into your ears how he loved you and would always love you and only you and how you were the only one he wanted for as long as he lived while your underwear got soaked in your sleep from all the essence that flowed from you in your dreams.

Meanwhile in Zorroku’s tent his own undergarments were soaked with cum, again. The spell Arob had cast before she herself had gone to bed, allowing Zorroku to share another dream with you as he made love to you in the very tent his father had specially made just for his mother Sharnarrah in her favorite colors of white, silver, blues and greens with gold and silver accents here and there. Crowthu had shared it with Sharnarrah as long as she lived, but had taken it down and gone to Yotul's tent shortly after Sharnarrah passed away because he missed her so much, he couldn't bear to be in the tent without Shanarrah. And when she had died, Crowthu gifted it to Zorroku as his inheritance as first born.

But when Zorroku had married Medowne, the tent needed repairs after being in storage for so long. But Medowne died before all the repairs could be done. And while Zorroku had the repairs finished, he never did erect it. And instead put it back into his personal storage, hoping that if Ori survived childhood, she would have it as an inheritance. But to see her failing to thrive, he only thought that he would give it to Silug, when he would inevitably be the next Clan Chief because Zorroku no longer had the heart, courage or desire for it. Until he met you. And suddenly it revived him and reminded him of just how precious his birthright was and that he needed to fight to keep it and not let it be stolen from him from overeager siblings. Which Crowthu was happy to see.

Because now that you were in Zorroku's life, he found that the sting of his mother's death and his first wife's death on his heart and soul lessened every day. His wife had pleaded with him to move on and to find another love on her death bed. He had fought and wrestled with the idea ever since. And when Ori failed to thrive, he misconstrued it as Ori missing her mother just as much as he did.

But seeing Ori take to you and for you to take to her as if she was your own, was all the healing balm his heart and soul needed. He understood your hesitance towards him and all he wanted to do was assure and you reassure you that he didn’t want what you thought he did. All he wanted was you and he did his best to convey that. He wanted to give you everything, he wanted to make you see and feel his affections and right now, this was the best way he knew how.

[headcannonsbutwrittenbyasnake]

Remember that Lucifer weapon that Dante used in dmc 4? Imagine Yuu using it and saying the same voice lines as Dante did while throwing the spikes to make a heart and a rose that crumbled the heart

The scene:

I forgot how the jokes made up for Dante's more lackluster sections of DMC4

Note: I kinda really fucking hate my writing here, may brain hasn't been working at 100% these past few months. So this is unedited and I haven't read it over.

Since arriving in Twisted wonderland, Yuu hasn't had a boring day. But that also meant she didn't have her usual routines to do when bored. She couldn't Frisbee pizza boxes at Dante or Vergil, or go out with Nico to demon hotspots to test her new weapons. She couldn't ask Nero if she could play with some of the kids from the orphanage... So Yuu found another way to cure her boredom, the devil arms! She let them roam Ramshackle and the forest behind is as long as they caused no trouble. Neaven often enjoyed staying inside and doing small domestic task she hasn't done before. She didn't have to dust her opera stage in Temen-ni-gru, nor did she have anywhere to plant pretty flowers! And in Dante's hands she spent all of her time as a weapon, so Yuu letting her wander was a welcome change of pace. Agni and Rudra guarded out side, falling back into their old routine. The only devil arm Yuu couldn't let roam was King Cuerburus. If she did he would probably destroy Nrc, maybe even all of Sage Isle! So he was kept under metaphorical lock and key.

The only issue is stupid nosy students who think they're invincible. No, not Ace and Deuce, they've been warned many times about the weapons. The only time the devil arms are off her person is when she has P.E class. Yuu has a bad habit of being on edge and always ready to protect her self, and since P.E can get physical she didn't want to kill anyone.

So leaving her weapons on the table. Yuu left for class, locking the door behind her. Agni and Rudra where in a deep sleep in the back yard, and Neaven on her way to Mr.S's mystery shop to pick up some plants she ordered. No one would be dumb enough to break into Ramshackle, steal arguable the most dangerous devil arm in her possession, and go deep into the forest to 'test' it.

...

...

Yuu felt a familiar shiver run down her spine.

"Oh shit..."

"Why are you 'Oh shit'-ing?" The trio of two humans and a monster cat looked at her with panicked and confused faces. Yuu quickly moved to the spot under the tree where she left her coat, and picked up the small knife that fell out of the pocket, and shrugged it on.

"Tell the teacher or dorm leaders to round up all the students and get them somewhere safe, I ...have to deal with something." Grim gripped the edge of Yuu's coat. "You have to go with them Grim, it's to dangerous to come with me."

" What'dya mean, henchman? What's going on? Tell us!" Grim refused to let go of her coat. She could see Ace and Deuce agree with him.

Yuu sighed "Something happened that caused a devil arm to go haywire and get out, no I have to clean up its mess." Yuu looked over at the forest to only to see smoke rising, "Well at least I can swing by the house on my way."

Yuu started off in the direction of Ramshackle "Now go tell an adult! Things could get more messy!" And with that, she ran off.

"Agni! Rudra!" Ariving at Ramshackle Yuu saw the Devil swords in the back, still asleep. It'd take to long to wake them. So she turned to go inside.

...

Someone broke the lock on the front door. Yuu walked in and looked at the table. King Cuerburus was missing. Most likely they stole it because it was the lightest looking weapon. Yuu sighed again and rubbed her face, thinking about what to do. Something long range would be best, but Yuu wouldn't be able to stop that mutt with only summon swords. Bullets would only piss the dog off more. Neaven isn't home and electric attacks wouldn't do much anyway. All that's left is Pandora's box and Lucifer. Since the box is tricky and kinda finicky to use, Yuu picked up Lucifer putting the... thing on her back, how it stayed on no one knows.

Finally making her way to the mutt, Yuu had to brace herself. She hasn't fought any Cuerburus, let alone the so-called 'king'. Yuu just hoped those three didn't get any ideas.

Yuu arrived at the spot in the woods. Two students passed out and tossed in the bushes. Alive, she thinks.

"Sparta!" Spittled flew every where.

"Well, hello puppy dog! Goin' alittle stir crazy, maybe I should walk you more." Yuu took a large, mocking step in front of him.

"You mock me, just like your father! Unfortunately you won't be able to see him again!" And with that the fight begun.

After some time and what was pretty much Yuu beatting down King Cuerburus with him getting a few lucky hits in.

"HEEY, PERFECT! WE'RE HERE AS BACK UUUP!" Ace... it was Ace, Deuce and Grim doing exactly what she told the NOT to do!

"Are you stupid or suicidal? I told you three to get somewhere safe!"

"Well, you didn't say that part,"

"WELL IT WAS IMPLIED!" Not having her full attention on the fight, Yuu missed the ice forming on her path. She slipped and got hit with an icicle.. "You stupid mutt! I'm getting tired of this!" Yuu yelled at the Cuerburus. "Fine you three wanna help? Shoot those icicles outta the air,"

"Alright!"

After wearing him down with the small explosive spikes, one finally stuck in his skin. Shooting more, Yuu decided to teach the dog a lesson.

She formed a heart with the spikes, and while holding one, she quoted her dad. "And in the end we're all satisfied!" She threw the final spike, "And you are set free..." The mocking heart exploded, " in spirit, you know I can't really let you go, now can I? I'm a sentimental person at heart." With how much damage the mutt did to the surrounding forest, he deserved to be bullied.

"Spaarta," he wheezed "just like him, unkillable, undefeated..." where his final words before he returned to his weapon form. Yuu scooped up the nunchucks and de-materialized them.

THWUNK! Ace walked Yuu over the head "Why the hell did you fight that weird dog monster on your own? What if something happened! You're lucky Grim is a sniffer hound when it counts."

"HEEEENCHMAAAAN~" Yuu crouched down letting Grim run at her, jump, and wrap his arms around her neck. "DON'T DO THAT AGAIN! DON'T GIVE CRYPTIC INSTRUCTIONS AND THEN LEAVE ALL WORRIED! IF SOMETHING HAPPENED WHO WOULD OPEN MY TUNA CANS FOR ME~" Grim held on tight, still crying and rubbing his face into the neckline of her jacket. She just rubbed his back and let him continue. She was happy to comfort Grim and the duo, after all, they where the closest thing to family she had at the moment.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN ー Shuu Ecstasy [08]

CHAPTER MASTERLIST

ー The scene starts in the bedroom at Eden

Shuu: From what my Familiar has told me, Kino’s location isn’t the most fun of places...

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ( I wonder if I should help him get ready...? )

Selection

→ Reach out (❦)

Yui: Hey, Shuu-san? Shall I help you, perhaps?

Shuu: No. It’s not that much work, really. More importantly...

Yui: ...Eh?

Shuu: ...No, nevermind...

Yui: ...

→ Leave him be 

Shuu: ...

Yui: ( ...He seems to be lost in thought, so I guess I should just leave him be... )

( ...But just one thing. )

Yui: ...Um, Shuu-san?

Shuu: Yes? 

Yui: I’ll wait here, okay? For your return. 

You know...Even if I go with you, I’m pretty sure I’ll only be in the way...

Shuu: ...Heeh. That’s a very sensible decision coming from you. 

What are you planning, huh? Tell me. 

Yui: ...I’m not planning anything...

Shuu: Then do you have a specific reason for staying here?

Aah...It’s not because Reiji will stay behind, is it?

Yui: ...No...

I’d love to come with you, really...

( But right now, I want to lighten his burden wherever I can... )

Shuu: Hmm. I see...You want to be with me, but you’re deliberately pushing aside your own desires? 

But well, I guess that makes sense. You’ve always been good at that, haven’t you...?

*Rustle*

On certain CGs, little black roses will appear on the screen. If you click on them, you get an extra line of dialogue.

“You’re a natural at begging, aren’t you? You can use the time to thoroughly think about what you want from me.” 

“Perhaps it’s your ability to hold back like that, which makes everything easier for me.”

Yui: Kyah...

Shuu: ...Then be a good girl and wait for me, okay?

If you do, I wouldn’t mind giving you a reward afterwards? 

Aah, but...I guess a punishment would be preferable for you? 

Yui: ...Don’t tease me, please...

( He’s more of a bully than usual today... )

( Almost as if he’s gone back to being his old self. )

( Before he had to worry about his powers or all those others things... )

Shuu: ...What? Are you upset or something? Then cheer up right now. 

Yui: Uu...

*Rustle*

Shuu: If I make it back here safely...

I promise that...I won’t tease you like this then.

I’ll actually spoil you rotten. 

I’ll try my hardest to make that happen...By my standards, of course.

Yui: ( Hey, Shuu-san... )

( Why would you say that? )

( Those words should fill me with joy but... )

( When you put it like that, it’s almost... )

( As if we’ll never see each other again... )

*Rustle rustle*

Shuu: ...See you, Yui.

Yui: ...Shuu-sa...ーー

ー Shuu leaves the room

*Thud*

Yui: ...

Monologue

The expression on his face as he left,

as well as his curt ‘see you’,

were no different from usual.

This is the Shuu-san I know. 

Yet,

why is it,

that I could not hold back these tears? 

Together with the three remaining Mukami brothers,

Shuu-san set off on a journey,

towards Rotigenberg. 

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the entrance hall

Reiji: Let us leave the rest up to them. 

Yui: Um...Reiji-san?

Shuu-san...Might be fully prepared to die. 

Reiji: Did Shuu say that?

Yui: No, he didn’t. But...

That’s just how I feel for some reason...

( Shuu-san never truly speaks his mind... )

( Instead he ends up burdening everything by himself... )

( But it’s not because he’s selfish. )

( In fact, he actually cares more about others than anyone else. )

Reiji: ...

Yui: It seems like Shuu-san truly believes that Kino-kun is Karlheinz-san’s son.

Reiji: ...

Yui: He told me before that he confirmed it by witnessing Kino-kun’s powers first-hand.

Reiji: How is that related to Shuu having a death wish? 

Yui: He said that...Kino-kun is yet another victim to Karlheinz-san’s plan, just like himself. 

For the sake of this plan, he was dragged into this whole mess, and used like a pawn...all against his own will. 

I believe that deep down, Shuu-san pities Kino-kun...

Reiji: ...I see. In short, Father is the reason why Kino became the twisted man he is today...

In which case, as the new wielder of these powers...as well as his blood-related older brother...

There is a possibility that Shuu will do anything to stop Kino, even if this comes at the cost of his own life. 

That is what you’re fearing for, is it?

Yui: ...Yes.

Reiji: ...Well, I cannot deny that Shuu has always had such tendencies. 

While he would pretend not to care, he’d drop some kind of nonchalant remark to cover for us...

After all, for the longest time...That was exactly what I loathed so much about him...

Yui: ...

Reiji: However...Lately, I’ve been thinking. How should I put it...?

He’s just terrible at communicating his feelings (1), you could say.

Yui: Reiji-san...

( I guess he really understands Shuu-san better than anyone else... )

( For years, he’s seen both his good and bad sides from up close after all. Of course he would... )

( They’re brothers after all... )

Reiji: ...Either way, right now, all we can do is wait.

Yui: ...You’re right.

Monologue

At first glance, Shuu-san might come across as very capable,

the kind of person who can do anything without ease.

However, just like Reiji-san said,

he might actually be the very opposite. 

I wonder if that’s why,

he decides to always burden everything by himself? 

Because he’s socially awkward, and more sensitive (繊細) than anyone else...

That’s the kind of guy he is. 

I believe that is exactly,

what made me fall in love (好き) with him. 

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) 不器用 or ‘bukiyou’ literally means ‘clumsy’ or ‘awkward’. In this case, I believe it is meant to point out Shuu’s communication skills in general though. There is so much he wants to say or do, but he’s unsure of how to go about it, so instead he puts on an uninterested facade. 

[marta-bee]

i just saw your comment on the One Thing you don't like about the PJ movies, and I was wondering... what's wrong with Denethor?

(For context: I know the books inside and out, but I haven't watched the movies, so you can expect me to know everything in Tolkien but this is also an honest question. I'm scared. What did they do to Denethor??)

What an interesting vantage-point! Usually I see people only familiar with the movies asking how the book is different, but I don't think I've ever discussed him with someone only familiar with the books. Not that there's anything wrong with not knowing the book version, but this is new.

You may want to go to the bathroom, or pour yourself a drink, because we're going to be here for a while. Deep breath. :-)

Let's start with the family drama.

Denethor is a really bad father to Boromir and Faramir, Faramir especially. He flat-out tells Faramir he'd wished he had died instead of Boromir, which is a very twisted reading of the parallel book conversation (where Faramir asks if Denethor wishes Boromir's and Faramir's roles had been reversed). Denethor comes across as uncaring and even cruel.

But more than that, because they really did away with the lord's council other than Denethor and Faramir, the strategy debates leading up to the Battle of Pelennor Fields get reduced to a father-son squabble. When Denethor asks who will ride out to defend the Rammas Echor [though in the movies it's Osgiliath], he's not saying it to a group of commanders. Faramir's the only person there to hear him, so it comes out as very passive-aggressive. That means Faramir's decision to lead the charge isn't so much a commander doing his lord's doing as a son trying to prove his worth to his father. The revelation Faramir let Frodo and Sam go doesn't come across as a treasonous decision or an earnest disagreement on how best to handle it, but a son betraying his father. It all felt so pitifully small to me, and lacking the gravitas and thematic weight of the book exchanges. I don't doubt Jackson thought it was more relatable but for me it really hollowed out Denethor's character. It also made him manipulative, and that's even before you get into the whole Pyre sequence.

Second: as a ruler, he's really ineffectual.

There's no Beregond and Bergil, no well-organized evacuation, no him wearing armor under his clothes and working diligently to the point he barely sleeps, no rebuilding of the Wall or bringing in troops from Dol Amroth and all the rest to boost the city's defenses. Minas Tirith is much more ready to defend itself in the books than (say) the Rohirrim at Helm's Deep, and Denethor's great failure is he's so focused on Gondor's defenses it's committed him to too narrow a view of the war. But he's a remarkably good ruler on those narrow terms. In the movies he's just a doddering old fool and Gondor is not only unprepared, it's not actively preparing for war until Gandalf kicks people into action.

Part of that comes down to every movie having to limit its plot points and the details it gives. And I suspect PJ wanted to show why Gondor needed a king, why Aragorn was so important. But in the process he completely failed to show why Gondor was worthy of Aragorn; I remember thinking at the time that if it was me I'd rather have ruled over Rohan. And Denethor himself is just a humiliating shell of a man, let alone of a ruler. There's one famous scene set in the Court of the White Tree where he's raving about how Mordor has come upon them and they're all doomed and Gandalf just... conks him in the head with his staff. There are guards standing on duty, but they completely fail to react to his histrionics but also Gandalf's assault on him. And it's just pitiful.

That scene's actually a recasting of another book scene, the one where Denethor releases Pippin from his service and says they should all go find their death in whatever way seems best to them. But it happens much earlier in the movies, and without any explanation for why Denethor is SO given in to despair. Which leads me to my third reason why Jackson did our steward so wrong.

The movies also take away a really central explanation for Denethor's despair: the palantir. They do have palantiri, but really only the Isengard one recovered by Gandalf and Pippin. If Denethor had one it's never mentioned. Why Denethor used it is also never mentioned, so he doesn't come across as a man who'd fought valiantly but in the process exposed himself to "truth" too heavy to bear up under. It also doesn't explain why he's so sure they were all going to die, and why Faramir was as good as dead. He's just unraveling and comes across as weak and a poor ruler, never mind person.

That's frustrating enough in the scenes leading up to the siege, but you can only imagine what it does to the Pyre episode. More than a decade later, just thinking about that whole sequence just hurts. So I find I don't want to dwell on the details, but I do need to talk about one thing: shorn of any context for why he's so certain Gondor is about to fall, his move to immolate Faramir takes on a much more controlling --even abusive-- tone. There's an element of that in the books, but without any real grounding of why he thinks their destruction is so certain, it just seems like he doesn't want anyone taking control of Faramir away from him.

(He's also denied his stately end: instead of barring the doors and the tomb of the Stewards collapsing upon him, he turns into a fireball and runs all the way back to the Citadel and jumps off the stone outcropping. To say Jackson was showing his Harryhausen influences would be an understatement. :-) )

I try to remind myself that while Denethor may well be my Blorbo, he's actually a fairly minor character in the context of the larger story, and a lot of this may come down to where Jackson needed to center his storytelling. I can appreciate that. But a lot of it was just unnecessary, and robbed him of this high tragedy that made me so love the book character. I wept at the inevitability of book-Denethor's fall; with movie-Denethor, I just groaned.

[drawlfoy]

detention retention finale p.1

masterlist (read parts 1-2 here!) request guidelines

pairing: draco x reader

request: no this series is from my original idea however i did take inspo from quite a few people (credited at the bottom of this)

summary: gryffindor y/n is put to the test when she tries to use her detentions with draco malfoy to get close enough for him to share his secret. unfortunately, things are never as simple as they seem. (set in 6th year)

warnings (plz pay attention to these this time): blood, violence, mild gore, mentions of wanting to throw up, you’re just kinda not having a great time during this chapter. also, kinda dark!harry trope here. it is a little ooc, i know, but it was what worked and so i ran with it. also, i play around with the timeline of events that occur in hbp so just expect that 

a/n: the long awaited p1 of the finale is here! the second half is almost entirely written save for a few scenes, and i expect to get that out in the next few days (so much less than a week). i really appreciate you all being patient--i wrote and rewrote the potion scene about 3-4 times because it just wasn’t the vibes that i wanted, but i’m semi happy with how it turned out and at this point i’m just gonna go crazy if i keep trying to restructure it so here we go. all the loose ends will b tied up in the last part and y/n is finally gonna catch a break ;) so as always lmk what you think!

word count: 8.7k

here’s a spotify playlist inspired by this fic!

tags: @gruffle1 @missmultifandommess @cleopatera @hahaboop @accio-rogers @geeksareunique @eltanin-malfoy @war-sword @cams-lynn @itsivyberry @ayo-cowbelly @nerd-domland @yesnerdsblog @shizarianathania @evanstanfanatic @strawberriesonsummer @hariosborn @night-ving @straightzoinked @imintoodeeptostop @naiomimoonshard @jejegu @ophelia-enthusiast @alwaysbeanunknownfan @nearly-memories @litty-dumb @callieclearwater @malfoy-wife15 @charlenasaxen @belladaises @fiantomartell @yiamalfoy @crystalox @dracoismybabey @dreamcxtcherr @decaffeinated-turtle @marrymetheonott @felicityofbakerstreet @daedreamss 

enjoy >:)

Snape’s stores were much more difficult to crack than she’d expected. She’d managed to steal one ingredient from there once, but back then all she had to do was disengage the multiple jinxes that guarded the door. Since, unfortunately, her slimy old Potions professor appeared to have felt a compulsion to fluff his nest and redecorate. A new painting was hung on the door--one of a large raven with beady, intelligent eyes that followed her as she walked past as inconspicuous as she could, no doubt preparing to fly off into the painting’s grey sky to alert his master. Her father had something similar to this in front of his Gringotts vault. She resolved to speak with him over the break to try and find a way in. 

Not like she’d had any chance to execute her plan, anyways. It had been two weeks since Y/N had so much as had a simple interaction with Draco. Every time she tried to talk to him, he turned his attention away from her, offering her a disinterested sniff in response or just outright pretending like he didn’t notice her. Pansy Parkinson seemed to take joy in this development, though she was hardly getting anything on her end save for a few dry looking conversations as Draco’s body angled away from her. 

Without the “distraction” of friendship and genuine human connection, Y/N had plenty of time to emotionally free-fall into an internal moral crisis. She supposed that Draco wasn’t expecting her to keep up her end of the deal now, just as her Gryffindor friends had given up on trying to make her useful. Physically, nothing was stopping her from walking right up to McGonagall during one of her detentions and telling her that Draco Malfoy was making an attempt on the headmaster’s life. But was it really worth it? Every time the thought crossed her mind, all she could think about was the way Draco looked when he talked about his mother, the way a shiny film glazed over his eyes and his eyebrows knit together. 

She’d made a promise. Too much was at stake. While she had failed her friends, she was at least not going to fail Draco...not when the rest of the world had betrayed him. 

Y/N was slowly sifting through thoughts like those when Katie Bell stepped foot into the Great Hall for the first time in a month. Her legs, slightly wobbly from being on bedrest for the better half of November, carried her down the aisle towards the trio of Y/N’s now ex-friends. Her soliloquy was interrupted by the familiar sound of Harry’s voice as he spoke, hushed and rather quickly, to Katie, his hands animated and his frame bent slightly lower so he could speak quietly. It didn’t take much imagination to discern what the topic of their discussion was as their eyes flickered over to the Slytherin table. She managed to hear a few snippets as the wind from the owls blew in and carried it towards her: 

“Malfoy--”

“Was it?”

“...remember?”

Katie, lips pressed into a thin line, shook her head. Harry bit his own lip and swung around to look at a blond figure further down the aisle. Draco. He was staring at the meeting, his body entirely frozen while he took it in. 

Oh, Draco.

Before either party could say anything, he was already turned around and speeding off outside of the hall. She swallowed; Harry and the rest of her Gryffindor peers were conversing and not casting a single look her way. Taking a deep breath, she got up from her seat, leaving her half eaten toast behind.

It didn’t take long to locate Draco--Myrtle’s bathroom was hardly a minute’s walk away from the Great Hall. He was in the same position she saw him there last, his head hanging over the sink basin while his body heaved.

“Draco,” she called out.

He snapped around, his eyes wild and his hair slightly wet at the tips. It occurred to her that he’d splashed his face with water. “Come around again for a formal Katie Bell confession?”

“No!” she exclaimed. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get herself past the doorway. Not when his wand was raised at her like that. “I wouldn’t do that. I would never do that.”

“That’s rich, coming from you,” he snarled. “Do you really expect me to believe anything you say?”

“Please,” said Y/N. “Please let me explain.” Despite the sting of his words, she couldn’t help but feel some degree of relief when she realized that he was finally speaking to her again, finally acknowledging her again. 

He let out a huff of disbelief. “This isn’t about you. Don’t you get it? It doesn’t matter whether or not you explain. You lied to me. You put my family in danger, me in danger. And for what? A date with Potter?”

“What?” All the air left her lungs as she stared at him. “It was never like that!” 

“Save it.” His tone, a bitter blend of vileness and defeat, echoed off the stone of the bathroom floor. Y/N was overwhelmed with the urge to run up to him and just beg him to forgive her, but the fire in his eyes and the angry twist of his mouth told her that that wasn’t an option. Instead, she slowly crept towards him. His eyes blazed as she neared him holding her hands up. “Please, Draco. I’m begging you.” 

His composure slipped, his wand shaking slightly in the air while he caught his bottom lip on his teeth and stared at her with a look she couldn’t quite place. She was just about to ask him about it when a pair of footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom.

“I know what you did, Malfoy!” Harry appeared, brandishing his wand and pointing it at him with conviction. “You hexed her, didn’t you? Katie?”

Draco sucked in a wheezy breath, struggling to stand up entirely straight as he held his wand at the ready. 

“You’re not even gonna deny it?”

“Let me guess, Y/L/N couldn’t get a confession out of me so you’re here to pick up the slack?” Draco finally snarled. “How cute.” 

“Shut up!” roared Harry. She’d never seen him look so furious before. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I think I do,” he said menacingly, the usual cool confidence she associated with him slowly reappearing in his demeanor as he twirled his wand around his fingers. Y/N finally let out the breath she was holding as Harry zeroed his focus on her. 

“And just what are you doing here?” he hissed. “Hermione was right, huh? You were with him the entire time. I can’t believe I expected anything different from you.”

Despite the fighting nature of the words coming from one of her best friends, she couldn’t help but glance at Draco as confusion briefly rippled through his features. 

He didn’t know. He didn’t know that she was being shunned by her friends for not telling them anything.

“I was just checking on him!” she wailed.

Visibly unsatisfied with the answer, Harry just scoffed and aimed his wand at Draco. “You’re going to confess what you did or I’m going to make you regret it.”

Harry wasted no time with firing off the first spell--a weakly cast Stupefy that hardly missed her head as Draco’s Protego ricocheted it in her direction. She yelped as she dodged it, smacking into the side of the stall door and falling on the ground unceremoniously hard. Frantically, she dug through the pockets of her cloak to locate her wand, but she was too late. A flash of light was headed her way.

Instead of it smacking into her chest with the force of a curse, the green light spread around her, creating a shield-like sphere. She met Draco’s eye’s briefly in shock. 

He’d cast a protection spell on her. In the middle of a duel that she was hardly formally a part of, he cast a protection spell on her.

“Diffindo!” The puddles from the eternal broken faucet glowed red as Harry parried Draco’s attack. It again went flying in her direction, breaking through the shell of the Fion Duris charm. In a stroke of luck, she rolled out of the way. A light blue flash followed from Draco--a nonverbal.

Finally. Y/N managed to close her hands around her wand, mind racing with thoughts of who she’d disarm first. Her wand had just begun to point towards Harry as the aftershocks of a Levicorpus charm slammed her to the ground once again, her wand bouncing on the cobbled stone once before rolling under the stall door. Y/N swore. “Harry, stop it!”

Harry was clearly losing composure. Despite his magical talent, the speed at which he was rattling off curses compromised his control...and his aim. Draco sent a few Fion Duris and Protego Maxima charms her way, but it still didn’t help when Harry had completely lost it. 

Things turned for the worst when his Tergeo actually sliced Y/N--just barely, but enough to draw a significant amount of blood in her wand arm. Even if she wanted to try and find her wand behind the toilets, she wasn’t even sure if she had the strength to fire off anything.

Her cry of pain prompted Draco to immediately turn his attention from Harry, angling his body towards her instead, an indistinguishable expression etched into his face as he took in the bloodstained white sleeve of her arm. 

Under normal circumstances, Y/N would’ve swooned at the fact that he willingly forfeited the duel just to check on her. But these weren’t normal circumstances, and Harry’s rage-filled expression and clenched jaw reminded her of this as he reeled his arm back and shouted out, “SECTUMSEMPRA!”

She didn’t think about it. To her credit, there really was no time to think. The cracking crimson light flashing towards Draco’s distracted figure was enough for her to launch herself at him with the intent of knocking them both to the ground--but she was too late, far too late. Glowing red light encased her entire body for a few tense milliseconds before she crumpled to the ground.

The Sectumsempra curse felt like every single nerve ending in her chest was being massaged with a sharp knife. Hot, sticky blood filled her mouth as she blinked, glassy-eyed and dazed, up at the ceiling. Distantly she could hear familiar voices over her body. There was a wet warmth that bloomed on her chest. She managed to glance down at her midsection to see an array of deep, short slashes scattered across her torso. 

“Am I okay?” Her voice sounded tinny and funny to her. A pair of light gray eyes came into her vision as she managed another breath. “Draco? Is that you?”

If he leaned closer, she couldn’t tell. His face was beginning to swim in her vision, blending in with the glass ceiling. Finally, a familiar voice, albeit strained and cracking: “You’re okay.”

She felt something shaky brush past her cheek and the coolness of metal rings dance over her skin.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. You’re going to be okay.” He sounded so far away for someone who was leaning right over her. She could see out of the corner of her eye a figure, cloaked in dark robes, raise its wand and recite an unfamiliar incantation. The metallic taste in her mouth began to subside as she felt the warm stickiness of her own blood seep back into her skin. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, not entirely sure what she was apologizing for but doing it anyway. She thought she could feel the warmth of someone’s fingers softly cupping her face, but it could’ve been the heat of the tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. In that moment, she was overwhelmed with the desire to just be held, to not be lonely. “Please don’t go,” she begged. 

The last thing she heard was a tense, “...Okay.” Then everything went black.

~

Y/N spent the majority of her break obsessing over the last memory she had of Draco--the startled way in which he gazed down at her as she bled out in Myrtle’s bathroom and felt his soft hands brush the hair away from her face. It was almost as if there had never been a problem between the two of them, like he’d forgiven her at that moment, but she knew that wasn’t true. Their last Potions class together had made that very clear. While he, thank Merlin, wasn’t letting Pansy hang off him like he did in 4th year, he still pointedly ignored her even though she had to nearly hobble into class. So why had he looked so worried if he didn’t care? And why, whilst surfing the high of a cocktail of pain potions, did she feel like she remembered someone with light blond hair at her side in the hospital wing?

“And you’re sure your bandages are comfortable?” Her mother interrupted her train of thought,, the plate of ethically-sourced willowbird lying completely untouched in front of her. 

“Yes, Mum,” groaned Y/N for what had to be the hundredth time of her Christmas break. “I told you. Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey made me their top priority over the last week of school. They say that I won’t even need them come January.”

Mrs. Y/L/N hummed as she delicately picked through her salad. 

“I can’t believe that Potter boy’s nerve,” said Mr. Y/L/N from the foot of the table. “Hexing his own friend like that?”

“Dad, he didn’t even know what it did!”

“Exactly! What kind of person does that?”

“He’s just stressed,” Y/N mused, though she was personally a tad miffed at the fact that she’d been brutalized by someone she once considered her best friend. “And he was a little angry at me. He thinks I’m in cahoots with Death Eaters.”

“Ridiculous.” Mrs. Y/L/N vigorously shook her head. “Anyways, dear, no relation to the previous topic: I ran into Minerva at Wurgie’s the other day while I was shopping for gifts. She told me something very peculiar. Is it true you’ve become friends with the Malfoy boy?”

Y/N paled. Dealing with the backlash of Hermione, Harry, and Ron had been bad enough, but her own parents? Over the winter holidays? “Draco?” 

“Yes, unless the Malfoys have another son I’m not aware of.”

“Well…” Y/N searched her mother’s face for any sign of animosity but found nothing but genuine curiosity. “Yes. We both had det--I mean, we were partnered for a class project together in Potions. He seems to have grown up a little.”

Oblivious to the slip up, her mother nodded. “Interesting. I was actually quite close with Narcissa myself back in the day. The Malfoys certainly don’t have a great track record of picking the right side, but we were two quaffles in a case throughout our schooling.”

“You knew Mrs. Malfoy?” asked Y/N, her eyes wide. “I had no idea!”

“Of course, we disagreed on the pureblood values and traditions that should be followed with children,” continued Mrs. Y/L/N, “But despite that, she was always kind. I hope she’s faring well.”

Y/N gulped as an idea slowly began to form in her mind. “Er, Mum, actually...Draco told me some things about...well, his mother.”

Both of her parents perked up. 

“So you know how you guys always talk about how the Order owes you a favor for the time you went undercover in the first Wizarding War?” asked Y/N. They both nodded. “Do you think...we could cash that in right about now?”

~

A month later, Y/N stood in front of the painting that hung on Snape’s door, frowning at the raven that stared right back at her, daring her to try and open the door. In all the excitement of Christmas and explaining to her relatives that she’d nearly been murdered by her ex-best friend in a haunted bathroom, she had completely forgotten to ask her father how to distract a charmed guardian painting, and it’d hardly be beneficial to owl him during a busy work month. It was still completely up to her.

The dungeons sent a certain chill through her bones as she ran through possible plans, prompting her to tuck her hands into her pockets and shiver so hard that she didn’t even hear the footsteps approaching. 

“What are you doing down here?” came the snotty, posh voice that she knew belonged to Pansy Parkinson.

“Parkinson,” Y/N greeted, snapping her head up to see that she didn’t come alone. Draco strode next to her, though he wouldn’t look at her directly. “Come for a rematch?”

Parkinson pulled out her wand and scoffed. “Wasn’t planning on it, but if you’re offering…”

“Pansy!” Draco hissed, yanking her away and forward. “We have places to be. Don’t waste your time.”

“But--”

“She almost got killed by Potter, like, yesterday,” he continued in a hushed voice. “Do you really want to make that worse?”

Parkinson sent her one last sour look before she was dragged off by Draco (who still refused to make eye contact with her). Y/N slumped against the wall, wincing as one of her injured spots bumped against a protruding stone. Why was he ignoring her? He’d protected her during the duel. He was even the one who stood over her as she lay crumpled on the floor. 

A lump began growing in her throat again as she realized just how lonely she was. With her friends gone, all she had now was...her owl, Edison? Yes, that was it. Edison and Hannah Abbott, who clearly was just letting her sit next to her for meals out of pity. Y/N wished that she had the strength to sit alone and just say fuck it so she wouldn’t have to be the kickstart to a bleeding-heart Hufflepuff’s philanthropy career, but she was already beat down enough as she was. Sitting alone would just seal the deal in her new life as a social reject who dreaded classes where the professors let you choose partners. It was like she was a shy first year again, too nervous to talk to anyone and instead sitting alone at the breakfast table, praying that she’d make friends with someone, anyone, even though she was too afraid to figure out how.

And then came Ron, the sweet ginger boy who she’d met once when she went to a wizarding play with her dad. He’d plopped into the space next to her one day, eyeing the untouched plate of toast in front of her.

“You gonna eat that?” he’d asked. Y/N had just stared, mouth agape that someone was actually talking to her. “Hey, you’re the Y/L/N girl, right? My dad works with yours.”

Without waiting for her reply, he’d just popped the piece of toast in his mouth and continued talking at her as if they were old friends. Before she knew it, she was getting swept up into the social swirl of Harry Potter and his friends, helping them as they made their way through Hogwarts and took on the challenges brought upon them by Voldemort and his cronies. For once in her life, Y/N felt like she actually belonged. 

And she’d thrown all of that away. 

“Y/N?” 

An unfamiliar, dreamy voice sounded from a little further down the dark hall, snapping Y/N out of it. She hadn’t even noticed, but she’d slid down to the ground and tucked herself into a ball. When she touched her face, she felt wetness on her cheeks. The raven in the painting made some kind of weird cackling sound.

“Who’s there?”

A girl in Ravenclaw robes, strange eyeglasses, and shockingly white-blond hair that rivaled Draco’s stepped into sight. Luna Lovegood. She’d seen her a few times--mostly during the Dumbledore’s Army meetings they’d both attended last year--but had never had a private, one-on-one conversation with her beyond the time that Y/N threw a protection charm to protect her from Bellatrix’s Avada Kedavra at the Ministry and she’d thanked her. 

“I thought I heard you talking to someone,” said Luna as she settled in next to her, crossing her legs. “Isn’t Snape’s raven lovely?”

“I suppose so,” mused Y/N. 

“His name is Marvin,” continued Luna, “and he always listens.”

“Huh?” Y/N balked, giving Luna a funny look. No wonder they call her Loony Lovegood she thought. “It--he can...talk?”

“Oh, yes,” said Luna, apparently not noticing her confusion. “Marvin is quite the conversationalist, to be honest. Snape is a very fortunate wizard to have him in his possession.”

As if to accent her point, Marvin crowed a few times.

“I was actually coming here to have a chat with him about you,” said Luna. “I think it’s terribly unfair how your friends are treating you. I thought that Marvin might know what to do. He always seems to.”

“Luna,” Y/N murmured, not expecting the way that her eyes began to swim with tears. “You...you really think so? I’ve been feeling so awful about what I’ve done…”

If she seemed taken aback by Y/N’s emotional outburst, she didn’t show it in the slightest. “Y/N, you just care about other people. And you know what it’s like to be lonely, so I understand why you didn’t want to leave someone alone when they felt that way, even if it was Malfoy.”

Y/N bit her lip to keep the tears from spilling over.

“My mother had this saying about kindness,” said Luna softly. “She told me that it’s easy to be kind to people you already love. But you can really tell how caring someone is by how they treat those who are different.”

Marvin made a sound that was eerily similar to a jackhammer in the background.

“Thank you,” managed Y/N, letting the girl pull her into a hug. “I...I can’t say that enough. I really needed to hear that.”

“I know,” Luna replied wistfully. “I’m sure your friends will come around, too.”

“I sure hope so.” She swallowed, giving her a small smile as Luna squeezed her hand. 

“Marvin is such a funny bird.” Luna shifted onto her feet, creeping towards the painting. “He loves shiny things. Now that I know the spell that weakens the barrier between the natural and painted world, I like to give him things sometimes. If he likes it enough, he’ll fly off to his flock to gloat to his murder for the rest of the day. He’s so proud.”

Something clicked in Y/N’s head. Was this her answer as to how to distract Marvin?

“It’s Transcendere, if you were wondering,” continued Luna, making to walk away. “Just in case you wanted to know. I can’t imagine why you’d need to, though. Anyways, I’m off to meet with Snape over a few questions on the exam. I don’t imagine he’ll be around here for the next hour!”

Before she could even thank her, Luna was already gone and down the hall. Y/N felt her pockets frantically, trying to find one thing that might appeal to the raven. He looked at her expectantly.

Her only piece of jewelry was her family ring, and apart from her obvious personal ties to the object, something told her that giving Snape’s guard bird a concrete identifier as to who broke into his stores would not be wise. So that left….She reached into her pocket, taking out the glittery quill that Draco had gifted her last fall. Giving it one last look and closing her fist around the feather one last time, she thought about how much she wished to go back to the simpler time.

Marvin made a little chirp, snapping her out of her reverie. 

“Transcendere.”

The quill poked through the canvas and into the scene, slowly changing so it fit the art style that the painter used to bring the raven to life. He wasted no time snatching it out of her grip, giving an appreciative gargle before he took off, flying away into the grey sky.

She was in. A quick Alohomora charm opened the door, and Y/N made quick work of deactivating the jinxes that guarded the entrance and was happy to see that he hadn’t changed anything else with his security measures. Finding the potion was easy, and before she knew it, she had reset all the security charms, shut the door, and made her way all the way up to the Gryffindor tower with the vial tucked firmly in her pocket. 

~

Getting Draco alone was the hardest part of her plan. Every time she saw him, he was either surrounded by a gaggle of Slytherins or darting off down side corridors that she could never quite locate. Carrying around the vial of stolen potion was getting increasingly stressful, too, especially now that their DADA class with Snape was coming up. He had to have noticed that his stores were broken into at that point, but given that he hadn’t stopped a meal yet to berate the student body on the importance of integrity and “keeping one’s grabby hands to themselves”, Y/N assumed she was somewhat in the clear. On the bright side, Y/N was enjoying mealtime much more now that she was eating with Luna. Her new friend even convinced her to go to the library with her one night to study--something that Y/N was not too familiar with. 

They’d left right before the library closed, going their separate ways. Something crossed Y/N’s mind as she realized what day it was--Saturday. Draco always worked on the cabinet on Saturdays, and of course he wasn’t going to bring his friends along with him. 

Quietly, she sank down next to the stone wall at the entrance, waiting for Draco to exit. She waited, and waited, and waited. Y/N was just beginning to wonder if Draco had switched his schedule around when the telltale sound of stone bricks scraping against each other snapped her to attention.

Draco looked more frazzled than usual as he stepped out of the newly-constructed entrance, his hands shakily running through his hair and his tie out of place. Y/N felt a sudden pang of guilt at the thought that she was going to add even more stress to his night.

“Draco,” she said, standing up and teetering at the sudden motion.

He started at the sight of her before setting his jaw and turning to continue a walk down in the opposite direction. 

“Please,” breathed Y/N, jumping forward to latch onto his wrist. “I need to talk to you.”

He immediately snatched his hand away, his scowl deeping in his features. “I don’t have time for this,” he said, though sheer exhaustion seemed to replace the usual venom in his voice. “If you’re here to apologize, I don’t want to hear it.”

“But--”

“I don’t have time,” he repeated once again, desperation seeping into the edges of his tone. “I don’t have the time to figure out whether or not I can trust you again.”

“Then let me make it easier.” Y/N reached into her pocket, producing the potion vial that had miraculously not been shattered after she’d carried it for so long. Draco arched an eyebrow. “Run a diagnostic spell on it. I want you to know that I’m being completely honest.”

“Y/L/N, I told you, I don’t want--”

“Please, Draco,” she pleaded, holding it out to him. “Just do it for me. If you do it, we’ll be even for what happened in Myrtle’s bathroom. I’ll leave you alone if you tell me to.”

He sucked in a breath, begrudgingly casting the spell. The vial glowed and cast a bright emerald light on his surprised features. “How did you get that?”

“It doesn’t matter,” rushed Y/N. “Just ask me anything. I’ll take it if you want.”

He looked like he was about to leave her in the corridor alone, so she did the only thing she could think of--uncorking the vial and downing it all in one go. It went down like water, hardly feeling like anything. She was surprised. Wasn’t it supposed to feel more compelling?

“Y/N, you are such an idiot sometimes,” he growled, but he turned back to her anyway. “Okay. Fine. Did Granger put you up to talking to me?”

“No. Harry did,” answered Y/N, the words coming spilling out of her mouth without her even thinking. Draco’s briefly softened expression immediately hardened. 

“I suppose that answers it then,” he snapped. “I’m not sure what that was supposed to accomplish.”

“Ask me something else!” cried Y/N. “Something you don’t already know the answer to.”

His silence was evidence enough that she was maybe, potentially, possibly getting to him. Something twanged in the pits of her stomach, reminding her of the time that she’d eaten bad fish in Greece and was sick for days, but she cast the thought aside for just a moment as he finally responded.

“This is ridiculous,” he clipped. She waited, turning the empty vial over in her hands. Finally, after a few agonizing moments of silence, his voice sounded again. “Why are your friends mad at you?”

Just as she was about to tell him, the tell-tale sound of footsteps and a cat’s meow echoed down the corridor. Filch. Panic-stricked, Y/N launched herself in the direction of the Room before a hand closed over her forearm and pulled her back.

“That’ll take too long,” Draco whispered, so close to her that she could feel his breath on her neck and had to try not to shudder. Without waiting for her response, he yanked her into the broom closet across the corridor and softly shut the door. 

It became fairly apparent that the broom closet was perhaps not the best hiding space for two adults, a fact that Y/N quickly noticed as she realized that the only place she could comfortably place her hands was lightly on top of Draco’s chest. His own hands pressed into the wall on either side of her head as he used it to push himself as far away from her as possible. When her eyes flickered up, she could see in the dim light that he’d shut his eyes. She couldn’t blame him--when she ran the plan through in her head, it rarely ever included getting stuck in a tiny broom closet together, and it never crossed her mind that it could happen before he’d even forgiven her. 

“I heard something too, my pretty.” Filch’s voice floated down the corridor as he neared them. She sucked in her breath, intent to hold it. She wished that she could cast a Silencio on the broom closet, but there was no way to be able to do that in such close range. Plus, she was quite preoccupied with the churning in her stomach that was getting significantly worse. 

Filch’s steps were getting louder as he called out, “Anyone there?”

“Yes,” Y/N let as a tortured, strangled whine. Realization flickered across Draco’s face as his hand shot out to clamp over her lips. She tried not to focus on how warm and nice his skin felt touching her and instead on the fact that Filch was still walking.

The footsteps finally paused outside of the broom closet. Y/N could feel Draco’s heart racing under her palm. She vaguely registered that her hands had long since curled into fists, clinging onto his shirt. 

“Anyone in here?”

“Mmph,” responded Y/N, hardly able to enunciate anything over the death grip Draco had on her face. This only made the lurching in her middle worse, so bad that she felt like she had bile rising in her throat.

“My lovely? What’s that?” A cat’s meow rang out from across the corridor. “Over by the Charms classroom?” Another meow. The sound of quick shuffling would’ve come to Y/N as a relief if she didn’t feel like she was about to puke the entire contents of her stomach up on Draco Malfoy’s hand.

“Thank Merlin.” Draco exhaled. Y/N could feel his shoulders relax under the grip she had on his shirt and took note of the fact that he smelled very strongly of that stupid rich scent in her Amortentia, something that was somewhat difficult when the cramping in her stomach had gotten so bad that she could hardly stand up straight.

Then he let his hand drop.

“They’re mad at me because I didn’t tell them about you.” The words came spilling out so fast and without prompt that Y/N felt like she was out of body, watching someone else speak for her. “I couldn’t ever bring myself to hurt you like that because even though you’ve been mean to me and my friends and I technically have no reason to want to protect you, I still do and it’s just so complicated because I thought I was just being a good person or whatever but honestly now that I think about it f it came down to it I would choose you over anyone else here and that’s scary and ohmygodIcan’tstop--” Y/N managed to suck in a small breath as the magic in her system propelled her forward, barely catching the widened eyes of Draco, “--It’s been so hard being away from you and I understand why you’re angry at me and I’m such a hypocrite for being upset that you were a Death Eater when I didn’t tell you why I started talking to you in the first place but I couldn’t just confess to you when I finally had a reason to spend time with you and I didn’t want to fuck it all up but I did and Draco please help I can’t stop I want to so badly you were never supposed to know all of this I thought that it would just make me tell the truth not everything--”

“I know,” His hand came up one more time, covering her mouth and muffling her voice. Without being able to move her lips, the words died down once again while the waves of nausea and agony hit in their place. Draco’s face had once again adopted that unreadable, somewhat sad expression as he moved his free hand so he could thumb away the tears that were collecting on her cheeks. Her fingers twisted into the soft fabric of his button down as she choked back a sob against his hand. “I know. That was really fucking stupid, even for you. You do know you’re not supposed to take more than an ounce of Veritaserum, right? This is going to take forever to get through your system. You just have to let it run its course. I’m sorry.” The potion was closing in around her throat as she blinked up at him through tear-ridden lashes. “I hear Filch escorting a student to McGonagall. This is our chance to get out.”

Y/N nodded as best as she could without loosening his hold on her, and they were creeping out of the broom closet and slowly making their way down the hall as silently as possible. He was to her right, his left arm slung around her shoulder so he could keep her quiet without sacrificing too much of his balance. He pulled her away from the direction of the Gryffindor dorms.

“Not happening,” he whispered, his lips almost brushing past her ear. He was so close. She shivered. “Filch went that way. Plus, I need to keep an eye on you until you’re back to normal.”

She nodded again. By some miracle, they made it to the Slytherin dorms without much of a hiccup beyond the awkward shuffle down the stairs. “Purity,” muttered Draco, prompting the cobblestones to rearrange themselves into a door. “Oh, don’t roll your eyes at me.”

Y/N scoffed behind his hand. The Slytherin common room was, thankfully, entirely empty, but very eerie and cold. She tried to open her mouth to tell him that he’d obviously drawn the short straw when it came to lodging, but when she felt his palm tighten over her lips, she was reminded that that wasn’t an option. 

“Here we are,” murmured Draco, his voice still low and careful as he led her to the end of the hall of the boys’ dormitories. Something other than the effects of the Veritaserum she consumed set off the butterflies inside of her once again when she thought about the fact that she was really going to see Draco’s dorm room. His door, black and heavy, was completely unblemished apart from the silver numbers of his room. 

Before she could think any further, he turned the knob and spun her so he was looking right down at her. “The less you talk, the longer it’s going to take for you to be normal again. Try not to be too loud, though. I wanted to sleep tonight.” With that, he released her once again.

“You have really nice hands,” she blurted out, immediately clapping her own palm over her mouth again.

“Oh.” An uncharacteristic blush rose in his cheeks. 

Squeezing her eyes shut and steeling herself for whatever was about to come out of her mouth next, she let her hand fall. “I--I actually think I can control some of what I say now.” She took one more breath in to check. “Yeah. Thank god. It’s not just...coming out of me anymore.”

“I’m not too surprised,” he said. “You were on quite a roll back there in the broom closet.”

“So, um…” She shuffled her feet. “Are we good now, do you think?”

Draco sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone willingly down two state terrorist interrogation sessions worth of Veritaserum just to apologize to me. So, yeah, I guess. I think you should probably try and get some sleep. Chances are it’ll wear off some by tomorrow morning.” With that, he rested his hands on her shoulders and steered her towards his bed.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked, sinking down onto his black silk bedding and meeting his eyes.

He shrugged. “How are you feeling? Do you need anything before you sleep?”

“I’d really like it if you held me until I fell asleep,” Y/N said so quickly that she didn’t even have a chance to look away from him. He blanched, his eyebrows raising but his lip quirking up. 

“Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. I thought you were going to ask for water or something.”

“Draco, please don’t be mean,” she mumbled. “I didn’t mean to say it. It just came out. I would like some water, though.”

“Your wish is my command,” he drawled, disappearing into his bathroom before coming out with an empty glass that he cast a quick Aquamenti into. “Go slow. I really don’t want you coughing up water on my sheets.”

“Me neither,” she said between sips. “Merlin knows I’ve embarrassed myself enough already.”

When she finished, she handed it out to him. “Thank you. I really appreciate you doing this. I mean it.”

He snorted on his way to put the glass away. “Of course you do. That’s the beauty of Veritaserum.”

“You’re actually funny sometimes, you know,” she said. 

Draco smirked at her again. “Veritaserum. You’re doing wonders for my ego tonight.”

While he was doing whatever he was before getting into bed, Y/N went ahead and slipped under the sheets, rolling over onto her back so she was closest to the wall. She felt the bed slightly dip to her left and a throat clear.

“What is it now?” muttered Y/N. 

“You know, it’s really hard for me to do what you asked when you’re on your back like that,” he said.

“What?”

“Like, do you want me to be on top of you or something?”

“What are you even talking about?”

Draco huffed and reached his hands out to grab her shoulders once again, turning her to face him. Before she could register what was happening, she felt his own hands come around under her arms to rest on her back. Her head lay on the swath of skin between his shoulder and his collarbone, and she could feel the quickening of his pulse. “There. Honestly.”

“This is really nice,” Y/N blurted out, physically cringing when she realized that in her position she couldn’t easily cover her mouth. 

“Yeah?” She could feel the laugh rattle through his diaphragm.

“Yes.” Y/N huffed. “Stop asking me questions. This isn’t very kind of you.”

He let out another light laugh, his fingers moving to thread through her hair. “Is this okay?”

“Are you kidding? I’ve wanted--” Y/N buried her face into his shoulder, silencing the words that were about to come out of her mouth. “Oh, my god,” she said after she resurfaced. “I think I want to take a vow of silence after this is over.”

Y/N could hear his smile as he offered her a, “What a load of good that thought is doing you now.”

“Please, just knock me unconscious until it all goes away,” she groaned. 

“Stop demeaning my work,” he said, mock offense creeping into his tone as he continued to card his fingers through her hair in soothing motions. “What do you think I’m trying to do? If you want me to give you blunt force head trauma, then just say so. Sheesh.”

She sighed dramatically. “At this point, maybe.”

“Seriously, though, are you feeling okay? That was a lot of Veritaserum,” he murmured. 

“I’m just feeling mortified right now,” she answered. 

“You still need to tell me where you got it.”

“Oh. I stole it. From Snape.”

All at once, Draco dropped his hands and pulled slightly away so he could gape down at her. “You did what now?”

“Yeah,” she said, confusion creeping into her tone. “It really wasn’t that hard, you know. I’ve done it before.”

“When?”

She felt another lurching sensation. All of the questioning was starting to make her stomach turn again. “I was a second-year. Harry had to brew Polyjuice Potion and he needed an ingredient we couldn’t find anywhere else.”

Draco let out a low whistle. “At twelve?”

“Eleven. My birthday hadn’t come around yet.” 

“That’s…” He’d shifted so she wasn’t pressed up to him, catching his lip between his teeth as he thought. Y/N hadn’t made much notice of this development as the growing pain in her midsection grew. “That’s quite a lot for a kid.” The way his hair glowed in the soft moonlight made her heart twinge. It looked so soft. Y/N noticed that she’d been staring at him for far too long without saying something when he blinked, planning on opening her mouth to apologize or crack a joke when instead:

“I have the biggest crush on you.” The words left her lips without any prior consent, the consonants and vowels forming before she could even think.

He was completely frozen in place, his expression entirely unreadable.

 “Oh, god, and now I’ve ruined it all because I know you said that I didn’t have a chance that one time in detention and you don’t see me like that and I’m pretty sure you’re with Pansy and even if you weren’t I’m not enough for you and I wish I hadn’t taken this stupid potion but I know that I’d do it a hundred times over if it meant that you would trust me--”

Her words stopped abruptly as Draco silenced her--not with his hand, but by placing his lips on hers. The kiss was brief and shy, more of a question in nature than a statement. Her fingers curled around the collar of his shirt as he pulled away, a rather frazzled and deer-in-the-headlights look etched into his features. 

She was speechless. Absolutely, completely, irrevocably speechless. Despite the insistent gnawing of the Veritaserum at the lining of her stomach, she could only manage to blink owlishly up at him, mouth agape.

“Are you okay?” His voice was low. 

“Ehm…” Her lips refused to move. Draco frowned, dropping his hands from her sides and sitting up straighter. Something impartial washed over his features, turning his expression from hurt to uninterested, like he’d woken up from a pleasant nap and was snapped back to reality. His legs pulled away so no part of her body was touching him.

“I--er, didn’t mean it like that,” he said. “I just wanted to make you quiet again, y’know, before you said anything else you regretted. And I thought that...kissing you would shock your system enough to make you stop talking.”

Her cheeks turned a violent red as she realized the depth of his statement. “So you...don’t see me like that?” 

“No.” He ran his fingers through his hair once, took in a deep breath, and dropped his gaze to the comforter. “You should go to sleep. Hopefully you’ll feel better in the morning.”

At the very least the potion was beginning to settle in her stomach as Draco’s breathing turned slow over the next hour or so. She didn’t know all too much about the mechanics of Veritaserum, but at this point, she had almost nothing left to confess anyways. 

Y/N tore her eyes away from his sleeping form, turning around to face the wall. His bed was soft. And it smelled like him, like the perfect blend of black tea and sage and snobbery that was in her Amortentia. She squeezed her eyes shut and wished to be anywhere but there. When he kissed her, it felt like he wanted her. Yes, of course he was timid, but she’d thought he was just nervous. But what was there for him to be nervous about? She’d already confessed under literal truth serum. He knew how she felt, and he didn’t even say sorry for kissing her and telling her he didn’t mean it like that. He still didn’t want her. Of course he didn’t when Pansy Parkinson in all her obnoxious Slytherin perfection was right fucking there. 

She was just beginning to feel sleep tug on the strings of her consciousness as she felt her hair get tucked behind her ear by a warm hand coming around from behind. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s better this way, you’ll see. It wouldn’t be fair if I...if it was different.” Despite his words, he let his fingers brush over his jaw as he moved closer, his shoulder lightly pressing into her back.

At that moment, there were so many things that Y/N wanted to say, ranging from “I am never going to live this moment down because I’m positively lovesick over you” to “I am going to beat you up for kissing me and then telling me it didn’t mean anything after I confessed.” Two schools of thought, neither of them perfectly encapsulating the true essence of her feelings. Her most traitorous thoughts told her to stay still and enjoy the final moments of affection she’d get from Draco, but she’d given into impulse a little too much that night. 

He must’ve noticed that her breathing had changed because he suddenly shifted his weight onto his free arm, keeping his hand poised by her neck. 

“Please stop touching me.” The words that came out of her mouth sounded much more pathetic than they did in her head, a voice crack finding its way into the final syllables. He jolted away.

“I thought you were asleep.”

“Well, I’m not.”

“I thought…” He swallowed. “I thought you liked it when I touched you.”

“Yeah, before you told me you didn’t feel the same way,” she mumbled. “I really would appreciate it if you didn’t make me rehash that again. Today has been humiliating enough. I’m not looking to set a record or something here.”

She’d thought that her quip was pretty good, but Draco remained completely humorless. “I’m sorry. That was wrong of me. It was stupid of me to act on impulse like that. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Never meant to--” She stopped in her tracks, instead letting out a sharp huff. “Nevermind. I don’t want a fight right now. I just want to sleep.”

Much to Y/N’s horror, her throat began to tighten up again with the tell-tale coming of tears. The next breath she exhaled was embarrassingly shaky and loud, and the movement that it sparked in Draco was even more mortifying. He made a small sound of sympathy. “C’mere, Y/N. I’m so sorry. I know that must’ve hurt you.”

Undecided between feeling pissed and just wanting to forgive him, she slowly sat up and faced him. His arms were out in a motion of invitation, an unreadable expression in his eyes. 

“You’re the prettiest person I’ve ever seen.” The Veritaserum in her system didn’t care much about her emotional turmoil, much to her horror. Y/N began to turn away, a watery scowl fixed firmly on her face, but Draco’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. 

“If I...wanted to be with you,” he began, his tone careful and clipped, “It would never work. Okay? Trust me when I say it has nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong.”

“I kind of did.”

“Yeah, well, we both did. But I don’t want you to think that I, er, never thought about it.”

“Oh.” She wasn’t quite sure what the underlying meaning of that was. 

“So... “ He motioned again with open arms. “Do you...want to? I’ll play with your hair again until you fall asleep.”

Y/N stared at him, completely astonished. “Why? If you don’t see me like that, then why?”

“I’m not going to sleep tonight anyways,” he said softly. “And I want to help you feel better.”

She opened her mouth with the hopes of a biting retort coming out, but instead she was met with silence. Against her better judgement, she set her clenched her jaw and gave in. 

His arms were wrapped around her in an instant as she tentatively settled back into his chest, her hands lightly rested on his shoulders. Despite the humiliating previous events, it didn’t feel awkward, especially when Draco’s long fingers slowly threaded through her locks and brushed past her neck. A small, forbidden sigh of contentment left her lips when he let his touch linger over the back of her neck. His deep, slow breathing and the steady beat of his heart began to lull her to sleep. 

The next morning, she was able to lie convincingly enough to Draco, telling him her name wasn’t Y/N Y/L/N and that she was 80 years old. Confident that she wasn’t about to spill all of his secrets to the student body, he told her she was free to go. 

“Draco?” she asked poised by his door.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think I’ll see you much after this? You know, now that we aren’t Potions partners and don’t have detention together anymore?”

He sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe when this is all over, I’ll see you around at pureblood functions or whatever.”

“Yeah.” Y/N tried not to think about the implications of pureblood functions still existing in the future after this. What kind of world did Draco think this would turn into? “But this is probably it, right? The last time I’ll see you like this?”

She didn’t even need to see his nod. She knew. That’s why he offered to play with her hair despite not even liking her--it was his way of apologizing for roping her into this, for tricking her, for shutting her out, for the Sectumsempra curse...for everything. His way of apologizing before they parted ways. 

final a/n: ty for reading! first off, congrats to the anons that guessed veritaserum. that shit took me forever to write bc i had such high expectations but it turned out to be quite the challenging scene since i still had to juggle draco’s conflicting emotions/distrust and the fact that i really wanted him to make her feel better fjdkas; i thought i’d mention someone who helped me write this (even tho i don’t think they realized how much they helped lmao)L i’d like to thank my 🌟 anon for giving me some inspiration. i was struggling with the first half of this story in terms of pacing for quite some time but found some help in an ask they sent me mentioning how they related to y/n feeling lonely/would like to see luna and neville mentioned. unfortunately, i haven’t quite been able to fit neville in yet (and i’m not sure if i can without it seeming just like a random extra bit of story that isn’t helpful to the plot), but hearing some affirmation that y/n’s loneliness was something that actually resonated w them really helped. it made me realize that the isolation from her friends/draco didn’t have to just be a logical turn of events for the plot to proceed in a sensical way and instead could be used to explore y/n’s character. i hope you all enjoyed! i promise the stuff w her dad and the order will be cleared up next chapter

[angelsxbelle]

growing up in love with you.

w/ oikawa, kuroo, and daichi

helloooo my beautiful beans:) i’m here to feed you with some more hurt comfort headcanons/scenarios since we’re all lonely and in love with anime boys :’)))

likes and reblogs are very appreciated!!!

genre: fluff and angst, hurt comfort, slice of life

pairings: oikawa x reader, daichi x reader, kuroo x reader x fem! reader

listen to: line without a hook, ricky montgomery

@moonhere​ i’m pretty sure this was your request with oikawa i’m so sorry this took so long omg

note: takes place during timeskip so beware of spoilers!!

warnings: mentions of violence, mentions of female anatomy and pronouns

oikawa, TOORU

oikawa tooru appears to have his life together on the outside, but in his mind he still feels like he’ll never be enough

in your relationship, he’s worked impossibly hard to better himself to the point where he’s not insecure which would cause a strain on the both of you, but he still has moments where he lets himself become consumed in his own thoughts

being with you has been possibly the best thing ever to happen to him, but at the same time he’s still terrified of losing you

when his worries start to consume him again, he can’t stop obsessively worrying over the possibility that you’ll find someone better than him, that you deserve someone better than him

oikawa can sometimes hide his insecurities by acting cocky, but you’ve gotten good at reading him so you can easily tell when he’s feeling insecure or unsure of himself

so when it springs up that you’ve been invited to your cousin’s wedding along with a plus one, he’s more than happy to accompany you as he loves fancy events like weddings

you make the preparations together, he helps you pick out a gift for the couple while you go shopping for a new dress to wear

overall, you’re both excited to make the journey back to your hometown to watch your cousin make his marriage official, you both know the ceremony will probably be amazing, as well as the festivities after

when you get there, you’re both immediately swarmed by relatives, exclaiming how excited they are to meet your longtime boyfriend and how happy they are to see everyone together

as the ceremony starts, you’re both on the edges of your seats waiting as you see the bride delicately step past you down the aisle, waiting to secure her vows with your cousin

the formalities went amazing, as all of your relatives sat in tears as the couple at the podium exchanged beautiful vows and the rings were slipped on each others’ fingers

after, everyone moved to the building next door as the wedding was help at a chapel at the edge of a forest, with the after party being a building next to it, walls made of glass so the guests could view the beautiful scenery outside

tooru is more than willing to show off his dancing skills at the beginning, and dinner goes well before your relatives and family get together to do group dances and disperse into separate conversations afterwards

as the lights get dimmer and the atmosphere of the party start to settle, tooru sits at your table as he watches you chatter away with your relatives.

he watches as you speak with such ease, never failing to coax a laugh out of even your stoniest aunts, he can’t help but think to himself how beautiful you are, and how incredibly lucky he is to have you

another man, he recognizes as the best man strolls up to you, striking up a conversation with you.

tooru knows it’s probably nothing, just a conversation, and he also knows you would never do anything to hurt him, so he’s content just watching you talk with someone else.

he watches the scene unfold like a movie, with him as a part of the background, just watching, waiting.

before, tooru would have been filled with a familiar uneasy feeling right about now, his stomach twisting uncomfortably in his body, mind filled with thoughts he wishes weren’t there.

he could only have hoped he was good enough for you.

thinking back through all the years with you, the memories, he remembers all the times you saved him from himself, the world, anything that had ever hurt him.

it was back in high school, the first day of oikawa tooru’s first year of high school, he walked around with his head held high to keep anyone from seeing how low he felt, cocky smirk to hide just how unsure he really was of himself.

it wasn’t love at first, he didn’t particularly remember the first time he saw you, but step by step as you got closer to him he realized that you had one thing his fangirls could never give him, stability, comfort, and home.

he found home in you every time it hurt too much.

the feeling that could only possibly have imprinted itself into oikawa’s conscience was the feeling of being seen for who he truly was, a feeling that he had almost never felt before.

and as you saw him, he saw you the same way in that you could always depend on each other, for every painful moment, every failure, every insecurity.

 it was then that he knew he really was in love with you.

even as he cried with his face in your lap in his third year you were still there, running your fingers through his hair and reminding him that he was enough and that you couldn’t be more proud of him.

and as he packed his bags to fly halfway across the world, he watched you cry as he couldn’t believe how much he meant to you.

the final weeks you had leading up to your graduation, you spent as much time with each other as possible, desperately trying to keep hold of the fleeting moments passing between you.

as you stood together in the tokyo national airport looking out at the window over the scenery of the country he had once called home, clutching a letter for him containing everything you had ever felt for him and wanted him to know before he left.

he looked at you with tears in his eyes, like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on, saying goodbye for the last time.

the years you were apart as you finished university while he was overseas felt like a time of awakening, so much had changed in what felt like moments, both without what mattered most.

and he knew while he was gone there were many more people who could’ve found you like he did, and that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

the trust he had in you was all he needed to keep going, that when you came to meet him you would still love him the way you always did.

when you finally, came, and all was said and done, he felt like he never wanted to let go of you as he had you in his arms again, he had almost forgotten what it felt like to have the love of his life so close to him.

sometimes he still wonders why chose him, but it’s enough for him to remember that you did, and that you’ll never let go of him.

the song in the reception hall changes, and tooru snaps out of the flashback that had taken over him for who knows how long.

you walk over to him and you look even more beautiful than he remembered, saying, “tooru! come over here and dance with me!”

he smiles and takes your hand, fingers delicately brushing the diamond on your finger he had carefully picked out all that time ago, that you had both cried tears of joy over when he stood on the top of the mountain to make things forever, thinking he was the happiest man alive.

you were always with him, from when he was an insecure teenager to the words san juan reading on his back. 

he can’t even fathom how much it means to him as he holds you close to him, one hand on your shoulders and the other on your middle, round and full with his baby, how he’ll never get tired of love like this.

he kisses your forehead and says, “anytime you want baby”.

kuroo, TETSURO

despite his sarcastic and confident manner as he had grown up, kuroo was shy as a small child

he had a hard time making friends in elementary school at first, but that didn’t stop him from meeting people he would care about for the rest of his life, that he would cherish forever

on his first day of kindergarten, he only knew kenma who was also shy and mostly kept to himself during the day

but there was one other person who was there for him, the little girl who stood next to him when no one would, who asked him what his name was and held his hand on the playground

and so you and kuroo tetsuro became best friends, along with kenma, holding a bond that wouldn’t be separated even when you graduated

it felt like time had gone by in a blur, like the memories slipped through his fingers like water, and now you were all fully grown adults with jobs, with lives, with purposes

and now, it was the tokyo 2021 olympics and kuroo tetsuro was getting ready to watch the competitions with his associates and friends, ready to watch his old friends and acquaintances on japan’s national team 

he felt like he could get lost in an ocean of people, but he spots you in the crowd immediately, he could spot your face anytime, anywhere

and so he meets you as you take your places, ready to watch the game begin

as he sees his old friends on the court together, he can’t help but to start remembering his high school days, when you were still young

it doesn’t help either that kuroo becomes painfully aware again of the way that he had been pining for you for all those years, even being one of the smartest people in his grade he still felt like the biggest idiot for just standing back and watching you grow, away from him

sometimes he wishes he could have turned back time, just to go back and tell you how he really felt earlier

but he let the years pass by, watching you drift slowly apart as he harbored his own feeling in order to avoid being rejected

now that you’re both graduated adults with careers and life paths, kuroo’s feelings are still very much present and if anything, he wants to try just one more time to prove he still cares

so he sits next to you, looking over at your gentle face as he takes in your features once again, watching your lips move slightly as you breathe in and out, and he remembers there was once nothing he would do in the world to give up being with you, wishing he had said something sooner

kuroo glances up as he starts to think back on all the times he could have told you how he really felt, all the times he screwed up worse than he could even imagine.

it was your first boyfriend having graduated high school, some douchebag kuroo couldn’t even be bothered to learn the name of.

but what he felt could never be forgotten, as he watched you walk away with another man’s arm around your lower back, pulling you close in a way that he had always dreamed of doing to you but couldn’t.

he was bitter, cold, in a way that he shouldn’t ever have been.

it’s your own dumbass fault, he thought, but that didn’t make him any less hurt or angry at what he had let happen. were you even happy? did someone else other than him make you happy?

he let himself grow apart from you ever so slightly, you saw him just as often and still cared for him just as much, but you could tell there was something he was keeping from you that even he couldn’t admit to himself.

kuroo thought it was over when you said yes to someone else, but here he was holding you in his arms as you cried with a bruised face and shattered heart.

all he could think about was how this would never happened if you picked him, but he was so pathetic he couldn’t even make it happen past his imagination, but no matter how angry or upset he was you still came first.

and he kept that promise as you got older, all he would do was care for you silently as he witnessed your life through the glass that separated you, that he could break but wasn’t strong enough to, no matter how much it hurt.

“are you coming tetsu- chan?”

it was the summer before first grade, he was hiding under the overhang of a bus stop with his hood over his small face, quivering on the ground in a crouched position.

kuroo’s seven year old self looked up at your small face, a hand outstretched as you held your way too big umbrella over your head, waiting for him to say something in return.

he had always hated thunderstorms, he hated the way it felt like the sound and violence swallowed him up, the same way it felt when his parents yelled at each other as he stood in the doorway of his bedroom watching from a distance.

he looked around at the dark gray skies engulfing him, the small threads of lightning painting the skies like blood vessels, wishing it would all go away.

but you still stood there as the rain poured down in your rain coat and small red boots as you waited for him to come out.

he reluctantly started to crawl out slowly, as you inched closer to where he was previously hunched, waiting for him to reach you.

as you stood just past the overhang, he stuck his hand out timidly and you wrapped your fingers around it, giving his hand a small squeeze before you started to walk towards your house together.

he shivered the whole way there, and every time you heard thunder crack in the distance he held your hand a little bit tighter.

when you got home your mother freaked out and called his family so they weren’t worried about him, and then got out warm towels and told the both of you to go take a bath so you wouldn’t catch a cold.

after you were both warm and dry and wrapped up in soft pajamas, which he had borrowed, kuroo felt oddly at home, like he never wanted to leave the safe place he had with you.

even as you had set up a futon for him on the floor, after about 30 minutes of being terrified of the sounds rattling your house he asked to get closer, and you shifted as he crawled into bed with you.

when you woke up in the morning he was fast asleep with your favorite stuffed animal clutched in his arms, a soft expression on his face, and you couldn’t help but think how peaceful he looked.

the truth is, as you made friends with the small boy in your kindergarten class you had already told stories with your dolls and toys saying you were going to marry him one day.

at 13 you had wondered why he never talked about liking any other girls, you had worried he wasn’t interested in anyone at all.

and at 19 you had tried to move on but it was just too hard.

every time you had fallen you were always there for each other, through all the scraped knees, thunderstorms, and broken hearts.

you only wished you could tell each other what your relationship really meant, what you wanted it to be.

and as kuroo sits in the stands of his friends’ volleyball game, he wonders the same thing that you do.

“y/n- chan, will you be my girlfriend?”

sawamura, DAICHI

being in the same class as daichi in your first year of high school had been interesting, he was rather ordinary looking but you couldn’t help but notice how hard working and kind he was, his energy drew others close to him and you could see why he was admired by many

you didn’t pay much attention to it as you were a bit shy about talking to new people and you didn’t want him to think you were trying to hard, so you kept your distance until you were paired together for a project

you were quiet at first as you sat next to him at your desk since he was a bit intimidating, but as soon as he started talking you felt yourself ease up around him, something about the way he spoke was comforting and it felt like you were at home with him even as you sat inside school

you had started to come up with a plan for your project, and you basfully said, “i’m not that good at english, so i hope it won’t be hard for you to deal with me or anything”, not thinking too much about it

“don’t say that, i’m sure you’re great and you should have more confidence in yourself, it will be better for you”, you hear him say firmly but gently from next to you at the desk

your cheeks flush with warmth and you look down, not sure what to say to him next, but he starts talking about your project plans so you turned around to pay attention to what he was saying

things went well with your assignment and you both received a good grade from your teacher, the school day was about to end as it was your last class and you were about to walk through the door when you felt a hand grasp yours and you turned around to face him

“u-uhm, i really had a nice time getting to know you while we were working together and i was wondering if you maybe wanted to be friends”

it was the first time you had ever seen him look flustered or anything of the sort, but you were happy to oblige since you had had just a nice time getting to know him as well

 you smiled softly and walked away, feeling excited at the possibility of getting closer to sawamura daichi as he had intrigued you so much in the couple of weeks that you had known him

and so years later after that time you had first met, you were still around each other, he was one of the best things that had ever happened to you

it was a reunion between his old high school volleyball team, you had known how close they were as you were with him during his final year when karasuno had gone to nationals, and how much his old teammates meant to him and the relationship they had

and so you both made your way over to the tanaka residence with a dish you had cooked in your hands, both excited to see your old friends again and witness the ways they had all grown up and changed

as soon as you walked in the door, all the memories you had made in high school came flooding back at the sight of your friends’ faces, although it was strange seeing how much older they looked.

daichi wonders if he looks that old to them too, sometimes he forgets how much time has passed since they graduated.

it felt like it had been only a moment since he had stood in karasuno high school’s gym barking at hinata and kageyama to get themselves together, with sugawara and tanaka laughing in the background and asahi watching with a fearful expression.

and now they were all grown adults, with lives and jobs and homes, some with lovers and some with dreams that came to life.

he couldn’t be more proud of who they all became, the boys he once knew to be scrawny and mischievous would now be standing on the world’s stage and others who had followed their passions found love in what they did.

still, sometimes daichi still can’t help but wonder if you wanted more, when he saw his old teammates and acquaintances from other schools play on national teams and be watched by thousands around the world.

he wonders if you’re still satisfied with just him.

daichi knows he’s not the most flashy guy out there, but you chose him out of everyone else, right?

he remembers all of those times in high school and when you had graduated that people wondered why why you were with him, couldn’t you have found someone a little more interesting, someone special?

daichi isn’t the type to let his emotions get the better of him, but it stung.

it stung bad.

and yet, he knew he couldn’t lose himself just because of some insecurities, things that didn’t really mean anything, but still wormed their way into his head like maggots growing in a corpse.

sometimes he thinks about the boyfriends you had before him, how he wasn’t anything like them, he was unsure if it was a good thing or a bad thing that he was the odd one out. 

all his life he had felt painfully....average.

he wondered why people would forget his name just after talking to him, or why they would mistake him for other people, was he really that forgettable.

it felt sometimes like he was just another face in the crowd, sometimes he wondered if that was the way you saw him at first too.

what daichi didn’t know is how you had always seen him, someone reliable, special, valuable like no one else had been to you.

that he had always stuck out to you, he didn’t seem like anyone else in the sense that he always stepped up and did what needed to be done, you hadn’t seen a heart like his in anyone else your entire life.

he didn’t realize how in every class you had together, he was the one that you stared at, that you saw as beacon of hope out of everything you had faced in your life up until then.

daichi’s friends and family had always looked up to him, he didn’t always realize it but they saw him as a hero to everyone he helped, whether he did it intentionally or not.

through you, daichi was able to see himself the way that everyone else saw him.

when you said yes when he had asked you to marry him, it was cliche but he could’ve sworn he really was the luckiest man alive.

but the truth was he wasn’t lucky, he was more worthy than anyone else could be, the person who stayed by your side when no one else would and who made it seem like you were capable of anything.

you were living proof of just how special daichi sawamura was.

and on your wedding day, tears streamed down both of your faces as you got ready to read your vows to each other, because neither of you could fathom how much you meant to each other.

he couldn’t help but think how beautiful you looked standing in front of him , how he never wanted to let you go because you were worth more to him than anything else in his life.

in your vow, you told him just how much he meant to you, and how you were so incredibly lucky to have him, and he couldn’t help but let the tears slide down his cheeks because he loved you so damn much.

and as you sat on your living room couch with a pregnancy test in your hands he cried again because you made him happier than he could ever have wished to be.

it hurt him more than anything to see you in so much pain as you delivered your baby, but the amount of joy you’d bring into the world was more than worth it.

as you held your baby girl in your arms for the first time, he realized all he had ever needed in his life was right here, he wouldn’t have to search ever again.

it felt like she was growing bigger and bigger every day just in front of his eyes.

he knew one day she’d leave and grow up and have to let go, but for now she was still his and yours together.

and knew he was more special than anyone else in the world.

“honey, let’s go watch everyone in the living room, okay?”

you smiled, because the world had given you more than you could ever ask for, surrounded with beautiful people every day and given experiences you wouldn’t trade for the world.