#get on my fucking level nobody gets dmc like I do

[teatitty]

I made these tweets back in early January and guess what motherfuckers

I WAS FUCKING RIGHT 

[vinni-dragon]

Big ramble, 4am, bad formatting, etc. etc. I can get more into it with some prompting but rn I'm just gonna fuckin ramble until I lose my train of thought so PLEASE bear with me LMAO

All throughout DMC 5 it feels like Dante is just straight up not even in the same room as everyone else at any given moment. Like, Dante is an asshole. He's always been an asshole. But the way he just?? Blanks so many interactions in 5 is WILD to me.

It's hard for me to articulate in text, and is/has been waaaay easier to do it verbally when my sister and I are having our daily DMC bitch, but like? Like I guess a lot of the dialogue in DMC5 feels a little bit like nobody is listening to each other, and it probably comes off as nitpicky, but it's especially atrocious with Dante. Even moreso in the way he interacts with Nero.

Vergil appearing and Nero literally standing still, doing fuck all, and Dante getting smacked around and then turning to Nero (again, unmoving this entire time) and saying "Get out of my way Nero!" before proceeding to run past him because he already had plenty of space.

Or the way Dante knows from the beginning of 5 that Urizen is Vergil, and has known since 4 that Vergil is Nero's father, but withholds this information the entire time up until the very last possible moment. Then it's there that he crushes Nero with the reality that he's been deprived of a family for so long and now the only family he has is dead-set on destroying itself without him having any agency in the matter.

Dante chose to deprive Nero of a familial connection, and when he finally went back on that, it was to give him a reason why Nero shouldn't kill Vergil. (Which Nero didn't even express wanting to do?)

Like: "You can't kill your dad, but I can kill my brother."

As if Nero has ever been known to want to kill PEOPLE?

Even in 4, there are multiple encounters Nero has with Dante while Dante is still actively a threat to him and has his BACK to Nero, and Nero DOES NOT attack him or engage him violently. After Nero gets the Yamato, even when Dante is antagonizing him, he's more interested in just trying to avoid and get past him. Yes it's because it's more important to him to get to Kyrie, but we see the way he engages with real threats. He was only ready to fight Dante when Dante insisted on fighting him.

I'll also note I consider their first meeting where Nero goes absurdly all-out to be an outlier, because by Nero's perception, Dante just committed an act of terror by slaughtering a bunch of humans. And it's after this point that he's much more docile around Dante.

Nero is, for all intents and purposes, completely harmless unless provoked. He wouldn't even kill Agnus despite his multiple threats to do so, which almost got HIMSELF killed!

So for Dante to know this, and we know he knows this, and figure that Nero would still have his heart set on killing Vergil after learning that he was human? That they were family??? It's such a massive misstep.

I know that it COULD reasonably be Dante simply lacking the empathy to understand that Nero values family, but by expressing this principle that it would be wrong for Nero to kill his own father, it tosses that idea out the window entirely because it establishes some level of emotional intelligence that I simply refuse to believe ends at actually understanding Nero on an emotional level.

It's just something I find INCREDIBLY frustrating after a few playthroughs and really really thinking about it. Probably to the point of overthinking but, hey, that's what a hyperfixation does to a mf. I really love these characters so it makes me genuinely sad when I see such a greatly missed opportunity for them to connect.

The way Dante is able to be so cold even to Nero, it's like, heartbreaking. Which is awesome!!! But I don't think that that was the desired effect? Y'know what I mean?

AGAIN this is mostly a string of consciousness ramble, so I'm sorry if it's incomplete or makes no sense but I hope it gives some insight about how I feel ab Dante's DMC5 characterization. I don't think I did a great job explaining everything I feel since this is just one part of it, but y'know. 4am very tired blah blah blah.

I'm also definitely more than willing to talk at length about this when my hands don't hurt 😂

I completely understand why Dante comes off cold to Nico in the scene where she gives him Dr. Faust - he watched her grandmother die after growing very fond of her, and he also killed her biological father. It's awkward.

But that "you don't much look like her" comment was probably one of the biggest dick moves Dante ever pulled - and he's pulled a lot of dick moves!

[onvochn]

Briar’s Boomer Shooter Rec List

Nobody asked for this, I just felt like making it. Going to recommend one or two games based on the engine, and if necessary, the best source port in my opinion. I’ll probertly update this list later, but just felt like making it.

Wolfenstein 3D Engine:

Rise of the Triad: Dark War - Fun game making excellent use of the Wolf3D engine and building on it a lot. You could get it on Steam, but I’d recommend just waiting for the remastered Source port to come out. However, if you do want to get it now, I recommend using the Icculus Source port, which can be found here

Doom Engine:

Heretic - It’s just a fantasy Doom clone, but I like it a lot more than Doom because the levels are better designed, and I like the aesthetic a hell of a lot more. It’s on Steam along with Hexen 1 and 2, which are good enough games. Best source port is GZDoom, found here

Shrine II - Adding this one cause it’s completely free on Steam, and I really like the effort put into the art style. The first Shrine is also free and good, but it’s closer to a genuine Doom reskin, whereas II changes up the mechanics enough. Not super long, but really fun regardless

Build Engine:

Blood - Of COURSE my rec for the Build engine is Blood, why would it not. Easily one of, if not THE, best boomer shooters, just fuckin get Fresh Supply and play it, it’s absolutely worth every penny.

Id Tech 3:

Star Trek Voyager: Elite Force - To me, the definitive Star Trek FPS, this game fucking slaps. If you’re a big Star Trek fan, you really should give it a go. It may be based on Voyager, but it’s absolutely worth playing. It’s abandonware, so it can be found here and here

Unity:

The Unity recs are like, modern Boomer Shooters, so throwbacks.

Dusk - Dusk is a phenomenally paced, excellently atmospheric throwback, and it deserves all the fucking praise in the world for it. Please just pick it up on Steam if you like FPS games or Horror games.

Ultrakill - If you ever wanted an FPS game with the score system of DMC, then please get Ultrakill. It is effectively twitch retro shooter cocaine. The weapons are all unique, and you can do sick fucking stunts, what more do you want?

Misc:

Basically, shit that used an exclusive engine for the one game or that I couldn’t remember the engine, lmao

Star Wars: Dark Forces - If you like shooting space Nazis, then this is the game for you. Absolutely nails the feeling of being an utter badass in Star Wars. You’ll walk into a room of 20 Stormtroopers, and then leave a room with 20 dead Stormtroopers, and you’ll feel GREAT. Only downside is there’s not really a good source port for it at the moment. There’s one in the works that seems promising, but I haven’t put that much time into it, but it can be found here

Amid Evil - You get a weapon that lets you shoot planets at enemies, I don’t think I really need to say much more than that. Pick it up, it absolutely goes.

HROT - I’m not gonna say this is a godsend of a game, but I do simp for it. It’s very much an homage to early 3D rendered games, with a custom engine developed by one dude. It’s got really solid mechanics so far, and the guns feel real nice, but it’s still early access, so while I do think you should at least give the demo a go, maybe hold off for a bit cause the main game is still kinda short.

[bbygilre]

Hello, I hope you are doing well! If you are taking requests, may I request headcanons for the DMC guys (or just V or Dante) and their reaction to their significant other giving them really good massages? It can be sfw or NSFW, thank you for taking the time to read this and have a good day/ night!

I WANNA BE YOURS

Omg hello hello, I was quite busy with real life stuff!! Im sorry if this is late. 🥺👉👈 Here is it!!

(Dante x F! Reader )

P. S NSFW CONTENT HERE!!

It was around 9:30 in the evening when the telephone rang at Dante's desk. It was odd, people usually call Dante during the day because they know Dante won't answer their vendetta's during the night. I let the phone ring twice before answering it.

"Good evening, this is assistant of Mr. Dante Sparda. I'm sorry to tell you that we won't be attending jobs or gig during the night." I responded in a formal way, just as what I was instructed.

If Dante's not around it is my duty to answer the calls. Strange, someone called tonight.

"Oh, I'm sorry. This is just to inform you will be receiving mails. This is from the post office,"

"Ah, very well. Strange that you guys called us this time of the day."

"We called during th afternoon yet it seems that no one answered."

Oh damn, there is no electricity during the afternoon cause Dante can't pay his bill right.

"Oh, we are sorry to inform you that we cannot answer calls during the afternoon because we have problems with the err— electricity." I sighed

"No problem ma'am, we'll be sending these mails to you, have a good Mrs. Sparda."

"I am not his wife—" before I could even protest, he hanged up.

WHAT? MRS? MRS SPARDA?

Mrs. Sparda...

It actually sound pretty nice. My name plus Dante's family name...

I like it.

"Y/N Sparda. Hm, not bad." I smiled before heaving a sigh, the smile still plastered over my lips. Goddamn it, this is not the perfect time to think about it.

For months, I have been working for Dante. He's quite different from the people I have worked with and one thing to describe him is that he is cocky. Sometimes he plays around yet when he's serious, I see a different version of himself. Dante himself isn't just an ordinary person. He is a half demon.

I grew up knowing that people described demons as entities that looked horrible and ugly, in Dante's case, he isn't one of those in fact, he looks like a living god. His family definitely has good genes, especially his mother.

I took the picture frame that was placed at his desk. It was like a prized possession of Dante, a fragment of his good memories with his dearest mother. She looked beautiful, piece of art work. I smiled as I adored her timeless beauty.

"What are you doing?" A raspy voice snickered behind me before he blew a thin air to the back of my neck.

I warm breath touched my neck and in a moment, I quickly placed the picture frame back to the desk and eagerly faced this man who just surprised me like that.

"Do you really have to do that?" My cheeks were flushed, I could feel my ears heat up.

He is so damn close, damn.close.

"Do what, Mrs. Sparda?" He let out a booming laugh, before he messed his long ivory white hair. "I heard that mail man called you Mrs. Sparda,"

"H-he did not!"

Stop.

"Hm, very well." He smiled before winking at me. He then turned around and went to his sofa, taking a comfy sit and closing his eyes.

This man, does he even know the word 'SPACE'?

I heaved a sigh, placing my palm over my chest. My heart was beating so fast that it wanted to leap put of my chest so bad. I took a glance at him and noticed he closed his eyes and sighed, his long ivory white hair was tied. His strong and well chiseled jaw clenched before he groaned.

"Y/N..."

"Y-yes?" Oh shit, I could feel my cheeks heating up again and my heart beating so fast.

"Can I ask for a favor? It won't be much."

"What is it then?"

He cleared this throat, his adams apple swallowing before he flew his eyes at me. When I said that Dante looked like I living god, I meant it.

"Can you massage my shoulder and my back too?"

I, an obedient kitten, shyly nodded at him.

I feel so nervous! Not that its not my first time doing a massage to someone but actually giving my boss a massage. I haven't touched Dante, I never had the chance to touch his skin or have any physical contact with him. Now once again my heart was beating so loud and beating so fast. My cheeks were flushed and so was my ears.

I positioned myself behind him and trying to get myself to calm down and collect my thoughts. My hands were shaking and my thoughts were scattered everywhere. Before I could even touch him, he quickly took off his shirt and revealed his skin.

It was holy. Everything about Dante looked so goddamn holy. I was too afraid to touch him yet there was this feeling of also wanting to touch this god.

"What's the matter Y/N?" He looked back and gazed at me.

"N-No nothing..." I shook my head and bit my lower lips.

Gosh, I have never been this crazy. Nobody made me feel this way except the son of Sparda.

"Well then,"

I bit my lower lips before pressing my fingers against his bare back. He was well built and that made him look tough. His shoulders were broad and his back was well chiseled, his muscles well evident. I guess exterminating demons is quite a workout for him. There wasn't any scar visible at his smooth skin nor any imperfections and it was a sign that he wasn't a normal being and it's not a bad thing at all.

I rubbed my palms together to create heat before gently pressing it as his broad shoulders. I started to massage his shoulder by extending my your while pulling my fingers together and curling them slightly, forming a loose letter "C".

I bit my lower lips and continued giving him a massage. I heard him growl and groan and it somewhat made me flustered. I didn't know if it was good or not.

My thoughts were scattered as he continued to growl and groan. I didn't know what to do next, It felt like he just swiped my feet like that. No matter how many times I tell myself to calm down, my curiosity gets the best of me. I slowly ran my fingers to his back and felt his skin.

My breath hitched.

"Y/N,"

He called my name and it almost seemed like a thunder. It was deep and raspy, almost like a Greek god calling a peasant like me.

"Y-yes?"I yelped.

"Curiosity kills." He looked back with a devilish smiled plastered at his lips. He reached for my left hand and pressed his lips against it.

Shit. I think I'm loosing my sanity.

"What the hell are you doing, Y/N."He snickered before he maneuvered me and lead me, now here I am standing in front of this god.

Please. Please. Not now. Dante...

"I-I was just..."

He stood up and leveled my gaze. He's tall. And when I said that he's tall, he fucking is.

"If you're going to touch me like that, your curiosity taking over you, at least let me look at you." He kissed my left knuckle before he guided my hands into his bare chest.

I hitched my breath once more, biting my lower lips.

Damn it.

He let go of my hand and let my itching hands roam his bare chest. It was well chiseled,well defined. My fingers slowly creeping to his abs.

Holy shit. Holy shit.

I circled my fingers around his abs once before covering my face with the both of my palms. I'm getting crazy. Dear Lord please help me.

I didn't know what to do next. I was just giving him a good massage awhile ago and here I am getting crazy over this man's body.

Fuck.

He looks so damn...damn holy that my body tells me that it's a big sin to touch him. To touch every detail of his.

"Baby..."

Dante, not now please...

"...baby please."

He took my palms away from my face and raised my chin using his fingers, now my gaze fixated at him.

The lights were dim at his office because it was only his neon lights were turned on at this time. It was the usual routine. Now I see that glow from the neon calligraphy hits different when you're getting sensual.

"Dante..."

I can't even recognize my voice anymore.

"You're driving me so damn crazy," he spoke in a rough and raspy tone.

As he moved closer to me, I was able to smell him. His musk lingered around, making me dizzy.

"Oh please,"

He didn't waste his time by just looking at me. His hunger took the best of him and it was quite evident. He harshly pressed his soft lips against mine, intruding my mouth. He was skilled, he know what he's doing.

I let out a muffled moan under our kisses, I wasn't able to catch up with his pace. His hands locked unto my waist, wrapping it around before he decided to carry me towards the wall.

My back was now against the hard wall. I couldn't think straight, all I know that this man is kissing me until Im crazy. Now that we positioned ourselves well, he roamed his warm calloused palm to my chest and broke our kisses.

He wasn't satisfied by just touching my mounds against my offending night satin gown. He rudely ripped it off and threw it way, revealing my skin. His warm palm cupped my right mound, gently kneeding it. I have never been aroused like this. Even his simple touch makes me crazy, what more his lust for desire and sex combined with his touch.

"Ahh!" A soft moan escaped my mouth, vulgarly leaping out each kneed he makes. "Oh Dante..."

My eyes widened when I saw him lower his head, his lips trailing a kiss from my jaw to my collar bone to my left mound. Now the loneliness from my other mound was swept away.

"Oh my goodness—" I yelped when I felt his tongue playfully lick and suck my erect peak. He swirled it and sucked it like a greedy baby. His eyes were fixated at me and it seemed that he was amused seeing me getting crazy about it. I tried to push his head away yet I felt so week and he kept going.

The skill.

He knows what he's doing.

He unfortunately stopped licking my erect peak and fixated his gaze at me. His palms were now on each sides of my thighs, spreading my legs open. Grinning, he harshly pinned me once again on the wall and this time, I can feel his arousal against the thin cloth against my crotch.

It's warm and hard. I bit my lower lips as he slowly rocked his hips, his hardness brushing my folds. I can't believe that he's rock hard by just kissing me and I can't believe that Im already soaking wet down there.

Fuck.

His gaze was now serious, ruthless even when he started to change his pace of brushing his rod against mine from slow to a fast one. It felt so good making me arch my back while I pull his hair. The pleasure felt too much and he was brushing a spot that whenever his rod brushes against it, I loose my sanity.

"Y/N..."

I looked up at him and noticed that he was panting and his jaw was clenched. A planted a small kiss at my forehead before once again stopped brushing.

"I need you..."

"H-huh?" I looked at him, flushed and my eyes were dreamy.

Did I just hear it right... He needs me...

"I need you, my hands won't hush me." He looked at me with desire and scorching lust. His voice was rough and deep making him look even ten times sexy.

In a moment the next thing I knew that he swiped my thin panties to the side and his finger slowly entering my sex. My eyes widened when I felt a foreign sensation as he started to finger my sex. I rested my forehead to his shoulder and moaned softly, letting the feeling sink over me. It was a slow and gentle rhythm, letting his finger brush inside me.

"I can't take it anymore." He said in a stern tone, frustrated and wanting.

I was actually clueless at first but when I heard him unzip his pants, I knew that we were going to do it. I didn't care anymore, I want him. I need him too. I want him so bad.

"I can't take it anymore but I just can't put it in—"

I cut him off by facing him, my cheeks were burning red and my heart was raising so fast.

"J-just d-do it..."

Wow, I actually can't believe I said that.

He smirked at me once again, this devil. This man literally know how to drive me crazy, even if he's just smirking or even smiling.

Am I considered lucky because I'm actually making out with the Son of Sparda? I guess I do, I'm sure girls would've said yes to this. He's Dante Sparda, he's just more than a devil hunter. In a moment, I sure felt lost but then, a tingling sensation when a hot rod slowly went inside me. I quickly hid my face when I realized he's burrowing his hard staff inside me even more. I feel so full inside, my mind is spinning, my body feels hot against him.

"Fuck..." I heard him growl in a deep and husky voice, frustrated yet aroused.

Dante started to move slowly, gentle. I felt him inside me, by detail. It was driving me crazy, I'm absolutely enticed by the pleasure I am feeling and this is no joke, I'm swayed by it. I kept my moans low by biting my lower lips and it awfully stings now knowing that I've been biting it.

"Y/N..." He groaned while he whispered my name.

Damn it.

He slowly changed his pace to much more rougher one. His tip continuously hitting a sweet and delicious spot and his length brushing inside.

He looked like he is still controlling his lust and desire for it, I can feel it. He took a tighter grip on my thighs and it felt like wanted to have a tighter grip on it even more. His pounding was rough, wanting. I could still hear him groan over it.

"Fucking hell..." He suddenly stopped and pulled out, leaving me empty and lonely. I quickly looked at him, my eyes wanting for an answer.

"I want to see you, you're just hiding your face," he gently kissed my right before planting a small kiss on my left cheek. He seem to have started to walk towards his huge ass wooden table with a smirk.

He gently put me down against the hard wood of table, letting my lie down afterwards. Now that he placed me at this table, I surely feel so embarrassed knowing that Im showing all of me, even the littlest imperfections I have, my flaws. I covered my face with my palms, flushed and shy.

"You are beautiful..."

He chuckled before taking my palms away. His eyes were intently looking at me but I can see his sincere and passion eyes at the same time.

"You are beautiful, even your flaws, they're beautiful. Your littlest detail, it's so beautiful."

No fair, this man truly knows how to drive me crazy. Even at this time.

"You are a piece of art, a masterpiece."

It was so intense, full of passion. Sex is usually for couples, full of love and scorching passion. But in my case, I really don't know what to say... All I know that I love this man. For months of working for him, I loved him. For once, I wanted to be selfish and asked the universe to grant me luck with what selfishness I ask for. Now, this is it. Even just for tonight, I'll claim Dante as my own. Even just for tonight.

"I wanna be yours..." I whispered so soft and gentle and it almost felt that I was fragile. He didn't probably hear it, and Im quite sad about it. I slowly parted my legs, once more inviting him to my secret garden. He never hesitated to enter it anyway.

The feeling of pleasure once more sunk in me, taking over my system. We made love all night, over and over again. The overwhelming feeling of pleasure and lust combined with passion kept us all night. Our bodies against each other, our thoughts flying away. Our voices calling out our names, begging and wanting for more.

Until we got tired.

Until we got satisfied.

Until we reach our limit.

Until we passed out with so much.

Until my selfish time that I asked runs out.

I feel so full, sore, and tired. A complete mess even.

Oh dear universe, does this man even know that I love him? That I adore him?

"You're beautiful." He caressed my cheeks, repeating the same line over and over again.

"Do you even realize that I..." I didn't have the strength to even open my mouth and talk.

"I do. I do wanna be yours..." His voice slowly fainted as I slowly fell into slumber.

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

so i’d really like to finish my guardian takedown lore analysis, but honestly the game isn’t really fun to play at the moment anymore (even with the health debuffs they added) so I think im going to be taking a break for now because I’m just not having fun anymore.

this game has a lotta mechanical problems i think need to be addressed so im gonna summarize it as bullet points below. I’ll play the new dlc when it drops, but idk if i’ll be on more than that (grinding, end-game stuff) until they make some serious changes. I’ve been playing (near) daily since launch, followed the patch/hotfix notes every single week, and my patience has finally, FINALLY run dry, especially with that really disappointing Phase 1 Patch and then the hotfix this week not adding anything else. What is the balancing team doing??? 😩

tl;dr: FIX THE VAULT HUNTERS!!!!

anyway. That’s all I needed to get outta my system. I might log on to this blog every now and again to post some random shit that pops into my head (probably with regards to my AU), but I’m not going to be actively playing and posting for the time being. Goodbye (for now), and here’s hoping the new DLC is good!! 

guardian takedown only problems:

there’s a lot of waiting around, and sometimes it’s not explicitly stated that you’re waiting for something, so you’ll be lost on what to do next (not sure if that’s a dialogue glitch or not)

the crystal charge insta-death is bull. just. what the hell. at least make it so you just have to start over. killing ur players for failing a “puzzle” that they then have to fight all the way back to is so infuriating.

dying because you fell off a platforming puzzle is also bull. 

i remember playing the first DMC on my playstation in middle school and having a conniption over the part in the observatory(? it’s been a hot minute since I played DMC 1) with the disappearing/invisible platforms. I h a t e jumping puzzles. why are they in a section of the game where death is semi-permanent and a detriment to your teammates. i tried the takedown 2x with friends and both times one friend didn’t make the first big jump to the temple and had to wait for our inevitable deaths. that’s so unfair to them.

there’s absolutely no reason for a boss to have 12 fuckin immunity phases. 4 per health bar with 3 health bars? Who the fuck designed this? *pumps shotgun* i just wanna talk. 

i appreciate a tasteful immunity phase every now and again (the ones in the Valkyrie fight are actually p reasonable), but christ. that is overkill. I don’t mind the main boss fight, since u can end those early through certain actions, but jesus. the mid-boss fight is annoying as hell. you spend more time running from the immunity phases and finding the damn boss than u do actually shooting it.

drop rates are crap, which I guess should be expected given what happened with the Maliwan Takedown and the handful of months it took for them to fix that, but also you think they’d have learned.

in the maliwan takedown there’s a sense of progression thru the facility after you kill each area’s batch of enemies, but in this one it’s... dampened by the crystal charging sequences. you kill all the enemies in an area, press a button, and now you have to kill 3x that number of enemies in the same area, expect you’re just standing there motionless. It’s not fun.

the crystal charging stuff is just not fun in general. standing in a square is not entertaining. it’s worse that it was clearly designed for 3+ players when a majority of people play/grind solo

i gotta admit the boss fights just aren’t as fun as the Maliwan Takedown fights overall. I felt like a real badass fighting Wotan for the first time, but the main boss for this Takedown is kind of a bitch. Wotan’s fight is chaos, there’s so much shit happening at once and you don’t really have time to process everything and I love it. This one is p meh...

This would be fine and I’d 100% not care that much if there weren’t all these OTHER problems

General Issues with the Game

There’s no endgame stuff to play outside of the takedowns. 

I assume they’re working on the first raid given some stuff I found in the Guardian Takedown files, but I really wish they’d keep the seasonal events/areas. They give us the option to disable/enable them while they’re ‘active’, just give us the ability to do it whenever we want.

when i hop on i either run through Athenas (my favorite map), or farm a boss or two. I have all the loot i really need from the maliwan takedown/elsewhere, and the guardian takedown just... isn’t fun atm, so i have nothing to do.

I’ve reset my playthru multiple times to play the main story at m10, but u can only play it (and the dlc) so many times

Mayhem levels and modifiers are a hot m e s s

a majority of the modifiers just aren’t fun to play with

they incorporated like 2-3 fun modifiers (from the community), then added a bunch that straight-up aren’t. I’m fine with the game being more difficult, but at least give us modifiers that make it more entertaining to play at a higher level instead of more annoying. I like the ones that have trade-offs or add new ‘enemies’, but I hate the ones that just straight up reduce your damage output.

a majority of the weapons with the mayhem 10 anointment (scaling) do not work on mayhem 10 (we’ll go more in-depth with this later)

Player Characters (Vault Hunters!!!) are also a hot mess and a lot of problems plaguing them haven’t been fixed SINCE LAUNCH

theyre literally the basis of the game and its balance. why havent you guys fixed them yet. stop adding new content until they’re fixed. no new skill trees until the base 3 trees work ON EVERY CHARACTER.

seriously. Why is amara p much limited to using Phasegrasp. Why does Iron Bear not matter to Moze except to proc anointments. MAKE ALL ACTION SKILLS EQUAL AND HAVE HEFT.

i wrote an essay here about it bc i feel that strongly about this

SERIOUSLY FIXING UR VAULT HUNTERS WILL MAKE BALANCING SO MUCH EASIER PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU THEY ARE THE BASE OF UR BALANCING WOES

ZANE IS STILL UNUSABLE WITHOUT THE SEEIN’ DEAD CLASS MOD!!!!!!!!!!!

MOZE IS SCREWED BC HER DAMAGE IS TOO RELIANT ON ASE ANOINTMENTS!!

AMARA DOESN’T HAVE A FUCKING MELEE BUILD AS THE ADVERTISED MELEE CHARACTER???

FL4K’S HEADCOUNT SKILL IS S T I L L BROKEN EVER SINCE THE RELEASE OF THE MALIWAN TAKEDOWN

ARE YOU GUYS LISTENING TO THE COMMUNITY *PLEASEEEEEEE*

BUFF AND FIX THE GODDAMN VAULT HUNTERS

Anointments were a mistake. Damage end-game is wayyyy too reliant on them

anoints should have a maximum of, like, a 20% damage bonus. the damage necessary to kill enemies *should be coming from the VHs themselves*. i don’t care if you have to revamp every single Vault Hunter’s skill trees and buff them all by 9000%. THEY DESERVE IT AT THIS POINT

at the moment in m10 there really isn’t much build diversity *even between Vault Hunters*. We’re all using the same 5 guns (OPQ System. Kaoson. idk. fuckin brainstormer? is that still a thing? jesus fuck) with the same 3 anointments (100% on ASE, cryo while SNTL, and 300% while 90%).

you want to diversify builds like you said during the gameplay reveal???? you want our choice in Vault Hunter to actually fuckin matter???? FIX THEM!!!! THEY SHOULD BE ABLE TO DEAL DAMAGE WITHOUT STUPID POWERFUL LEGENDARIES AND ANOINTMENTS!!!

Anoints also shouldn’t be common. At all. They should be, like, Pearl rarity. To let that happen, their damage needs to be tuned way the fuck down (again, 20ish % bonus MAX) and ALL ANOINTS NEED TO BE USEFUL IN SOME WAY

NOBODY IS GOING TO USE THE AIRBORNE OR SLIDING ANOINTMENTS JUST REMOVE THEM ALREADY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

obviously these changes can’t happen because they fucked up and buckled down with everything being anointed in m10, but still

imagine a world where the VHs actually did damage on their own without anointments and the damage buff from them was just an incentive to grind for the 100% perfect weapon and NOT A REQUIREMENT TO DEAL DAMAGE

>:(

A majority of gear is borderline worthless at M10

I’m fine with the difficulty of M10, i should let it be known. The enemy health isn’t really the problem IF ALL GUNS ACTED THE SAME AS THE OPQ SYSTEM

ffs.

you know, if you fixed ur vault hunters so they all did damage with just purple weapons (abt the same damage as legendaries w/o special effects) and removed the anointment requirement from late-game play, balancing your guns would be sooo much easier. you know. just saying.

right now only 10% (im being generous) of guns in the game are viable. 90% are worthless. We need AT LEAST 60-70% viable at M10. WHERE IS MY BUILD DIVERSITY. WHY ARE ALL LEGENDARIES NOW JUST “HEY THIS GUN IS STRONGER THAN THE LAST 4 WE RELEASED. HAVE FUN”

how to fix this problem? do as above: BUFF YOUR PLAYER CHARACTERS. MAKE ANOINTMENTS LESS STRONG.

then, at least the 10% already strong weapons would be stupid strong and OP as fuck, BUT AT LEAST WE COULD HAVE BUILD VARIETY!!! I don’t care if other people are dummy strong one-shotting everything in sight. I don’t! so long as they don’t play with me, I couldn’t care less!!! I want to be able to play with the unique, interesting legendaries. instead of the OPQ System. which, by the way, I dislike compared to the normal Q-System. let me use the frozen heart shield and the infiltrator mod. I don’t wanna be chained to the Seein’ Dead anymore :(

honestly at this point im starting to think removing slag was a mistake bc then at least we could use guns that aren’t solely damage-based guns. you know how fucked up you’ve got me that im thinking maybe slag wouldn’t be so bad this time around??? YOU GOT ME FUCKED UP B A D.

FIX THE GAME

IM TAKING A BREAK

MAYBE I’LL BE LESS UPSET WHEN I COME BACK FOR THE DLC BUT HOT. DIGGITY. SHIT.

[sevi007]

(@rex101111 this is kinda for your birthday, since you always encouraged my weirdest ideas - even wrote them WITH me =D - and I didn’t really have time to make something real for you... I hope this makes you, at least, smile a bit on your big day!)

Saw this amazing Undertale comic-stripe again where Frisk is taken to cool by someone else every day, from Undyne over Sans to Mettaton – most of them in the weirdest fashion possible – and thought:

 Hey, take the same premise, but make it with the DMC crew, right. So like:

  On Monday, Patty doesn’t show up to lectures by foot as usual, but gets a ride. She hops out the passenger side of an older vehicle, only to scramble back in at the call of the driver and dropping a smacking kiss to his cheek with a grin before slamming the door and running off to greet her friends. Classmates nearby by pause, the sight just unusual enough to make them wonder, but not enough to really worry about it, and everyone sort of goes on about their day.

Aside from someone who scratches their head, wondering aloud “Was that Patty’s dad?”

“Do they look like they are related, genius?”

“That doesn’t have to say anything, ya know.”

   On Tuesday, everyone turns in surprise as shrieks of laughter can be heard over the roaring of an engine. A motorcycle swings around the nearest corner, coming to a sharp stop in front of the school yard. Patty jumps off – they only recognize her as she rips the helmet off and shakes her hair out, grinning from ear to ear.

“That was awesome!” Some hear her say, loudly, over the still running engine when she passes the helmet back. “You really need to come around more often, lady!”

And some wonder what weird way of address that is, for someone the girl is familiar enough to ride a motorcycle with, familiar enough to hug her goodbye and get an affectionate hair-ruffle from.

Someone else is more caught up wondering “Was that lady carrying a bazooka?!” but nobody really believes them. Surely, that was a fake.

  On Wednesday, there’s the sound of thunder to be heard. The students look up, worried – the forecast has promised sunshine and blue skies, not rain and especially no thunderstorms.

There’s no clouds to be seen, which makes the thing even weirder.

Another clap, the sound of frizzling and the smell of ozone, and people jump away, some shouting, as there’s suddenly a woman amidst their group that has not been there a second before, blonde hair whipping around her head as if she just been hit by a windblast, leather corset creaking faintly as she completely ignores the stares she gets. Instead she bends forward –

And Patty scrambles off her back where she’s been carried piggyback, breathless from laughter and looking like she just came out of a wind tunnel.

“How was that?”

“I think that was faster than lady’s motorcycle, honestly!”

“I sure hope so,” a headpat that looks slightly too mechanic to be really practiced. It seems enough to make Patty’s smile widen. “See ya, kiddo.”

And she’s gone as suddenly as she appeared. Patty shoulders her backpack and strides off humming, doesn’t even seem to notice the people around her, staring, blinking, some pinching themselves to see if they had just dreamed the whole thing up.

   On Thursday, the crowd of bleary-eyed students scatters unnaturally quick when someone screams “Out of the way!” and honks can be heard. Everyone dives to the side or gets dragged along as a van swerves way to close past a pole and stops sideways, brakes screeching, in the middle of the school yard, instead of the street before it.

The side door flies open with a bang, and someone can be heard swearing

“Nico what the fuck have we said about speed limits-“

“I didn’t hit anything, calm your tits-…”

Another swear, a deep sigh and something being murmured into a palm that to those close enough to catch it sound like “Why me?”. The young man who has just clambered out the danger-vehicle runs a hand through his hair – dyed white, for some weird reason, maybe a punk? – casting a glance at the sky as if to ask for patience.

Patty exits the van behind him (and at this point, no one in the crowd is really surprised to see her in the middle of that mess). Her expression is one of innocence – only the twitch around her mouth betraying her. “Sooooo I shouldn’t call you guys next time you’re in the area?”

The glare the man levels her with could have made the bravest people take cover. Patty just laughs. He sighs, rubs his nose. “You’re gonna do it anyway.”

���Yu-p!”

“Get lost, you.”

“See ya Pats!” the woman behind the wheel calls, before abusing the car horn. “Com’ on, we got work to do!”

“Gimme a break, will you!”

And they are off again, engine roaring like a beast, brakes screeching to be heard still when they are out of sight already. Half of the students are late to class for being too busy staring after the spectacle and wondering what the fuck just happened?

  On Friday, everybody knows. The entire school knows, and at least half of it makes a point of crowding around the school yard or linger near windows at least. A lot of them pretend its coincidence. A few admit it outright. A few of those who do even start bets over it. But whatever they say – they all are sure they want to see who Patty Lowell brings around this time.

The outcome is… disappointing, to say the least. “Fucking let down,” someone who lost their bet notes.

There’s no bang, no flashiness. Nobody startles; nobody has to take cover. They don’t even arrive in a car, but by foot: Strolling as if they have all the time in the world, Patty even dragging the giant of a man along by the hand, which he comments with an unamused quip that she counters with one of her own, back and forth, back and forth. The bickering seems to be the most interesting thing about this new friend of hers, anyway – sure, he is kind of outstanding with his bright red leather coat and his white hair (again; is this some kind of group those people are part of?). But all in all, he’s too normal, too scruffy, too tired-and-worn looking to really catch anyone’s interest. A serious letdown after all the weirdness this week, this guy.

Patty seems to think so, too; or at least, that might be the reason for the way she snaps at him, gestures at him, drags him around like a puppet.

(He lets himself be dragged, someone who looks a bit closer than others points out, he’s okay with that, but it falls on deaf ears.)

Then the reach the school gate, and the bickering stops so abruptly as if it’s been cut off. Patty tugs – the guy bends down easily, readily. A quick, tight hug around the neck while she tiptoes, squeezing so hard as if he could disappear when she lets go of him.

“Ice cream when you pick me up?”

“Sure thing, Kid”

“Don’t take any naps again, okay.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Then the separate. A last wave with two fingers – more a salute, really – and the strange guy wanders off, still dragging his feet and slouching as if he has nowhere to be, not really.

 Patty waves back, turns – and stops when she sees not too few gazes snap away from her quickly, guilty. Her eyes narrow and she says loud and clear, to all of them, because this is Patty Lowell and she doesn’t back down no matter how many she faces, “What? Anybody got something to say?”

There’s uneasy shuffling. Some people sneak off, which is only because the show is over, not because they are intimidated of course.

One voice pipes up, mumbling something along the lines off “Friend looked more boring than the rest.” They get hit by an elbow to the rips – everybody knows you don’t mess with Patty’s friends.

But instead of blowing up at them, getting in their face and straighten them right out – Patty laughs. Bright and amused.

“You guys have no idea.”

 And it’s settled then and there –

 Nobody really gets what’s going on in Patty Lowell’s life, or with her family.

[fibrielsolaer]

Smash Ultimate tier list based entirely on which characters I like and which I hate

BSP = Big Sexy Personality

FBNIS = Fun, But Not In Smash

MPATBUD = Mario Princesses Are Terrifying Blow-Up Dolls

S Tier

Kirby: absolutely the man, if you don’t love Kirby you’re probably the asshole who got this roster flooded with Marth World pricks

Pikachu: He quicc. He thicc. He’ll Thunderbolt you to hicc

Except it’s a she because I only ever play Librechu ;p

Bowser: BSP

Zelda: She is so cute, I can finally stand playing as her

Pichu: He is so cute, it almost makes up for how stupid he is

Ganondorf: He’s finally fucking cool. He uses the goddamn sword now

Lucario: What if Mewtwo was a Shaolin monk hunk

I only play purple Lucario for reasons you’re best not knowing

Toon Link: He’s the cartoon that Link and Young Link watched and modeled themselves on

Ridley: HOLY SHIT IT FEELS AWESOME TO PLAY RIDLEY

I love how the game designers know he’s way too small so when you fight him in Classic Mode as Samus he gets Giant modifier

K. Rool: BSP

Piranha Plant: The pain from the pipes, this disrespectful piece of shit is so stupid he wraps around to greatness, with his inclusion I’ve changed my mind and now say fuck it, add Bandana Waddle Dee, hell add a regular Waddle Dee if you want, I don’t even care anymore

A Tier

Luigi: Few people know that he and Mario are actually identical twins, his brother merely wears a fat suit (the weight of which has crushed his spine) so they can be told apart

Ness: I like the picture you get when you play for 20 hours

C. Falcon: This is the guy who beats up Incineroar. As the positive icon of the people he never shows any emotion except for “YUS!” and “SHOW ME”. All Might was probably based on this jackass

Jigglypuff: Like so many other Pokemon, its adorable facade is a veneer for an expansive and unfathomable eldritch demon. The difference is, despite how fucking many Pokemon like that there are, nobody has found Jigglypuff’s secret and lived to tell

Young Link: He’s actually Link’s son, who idolizes his father and wants to follow in his footsteps. His dad has strayed from the path but young blood here carries on the true faith. Also, FBNIS

Mewtwo: He was the original Damn Cool Pokemon. He jockeys with Lucario for that role now but all they ever do is sit there charging their neutral Bs talking about how the planet will explode in 5 minutes

Roy: He knows that the Marth World infestation is soon to be purged, because there are like five actual Marths including him, so he decided to become the best Marth World character so he alone will survive

Pit: The only cunt from his series besides Dark Pit who had the decency not to change voice and try to pretend it was the same fucking one. I never play as him ever but Sakurai sure cared more about making him fresh & fun post-Uprising than any of his other goddamn characters

Charizard: BSP

Dedede: BSP

Bowser Jr.: This rude little shit is the guy who you invite to a party and he brings his whole crew, excuse me no I didn’t invite Wendy and Horton and Lenny and all these bitches, but fuck it y’all cool

Simon: I like his funny walk and he looks like Conan the Barbarian

Richter: I like his funny walk and he looks like a dork

Isabelle: Do you know this literal bitch killed me with a fucking stop sign 3 times before I unlocked her, why isn’t that a reaction macro

Incineroar: He pretends to be a bad guy so that kids’ heroes will beat him up on TV and they will be happy. He is so sweet

B Tier (Everyone Is Meh)

Mario: Meh

Donkey Kong: Meh

Link: The dad who strayed from the path, I really don’t like the Breath of the Wild Link, FBNIS

Fox: Meh

Sheik: Meh

Dr. Meh: Mario

Falco: Hands off my meh

Mehrth: He’s kinda cool but Roy is way cooler

Mr. Game & Watch: What an annoying asshole

Wario: It’s not the cool Wario, it’s the stupid Wario Ware one, and he brings all his obnoxious waifu friends with him. It’s Wario after he retired from his teen Youtube star days at the age of 30 and he’s trying to stay young and cool-looking but his stoner friends keep fucking it up

Solid Snake: Meh, too indirect for me, FBNIS

Squirtle: Meh-est of the Pokemon Trainer trio, he just doesn’t provoke like any reaction from me at all unlike the other two

Diddy Kong: Meh

Olimeh: This is the most boring goddamn character, everything you do you have to pluck fucks

ROB: He barely animates

Villager: I kinda wish Animal Crossing let you be an animal too. The lone human character is really boring

Mega Meh: You got: FBNIS

Little Meh: I dunno I’ve just barely ever played him

Mehninja: Maybe I should actually try playing it once ever

Duck Hunt: If there was a B-and-a-half tier I’d put this one there because you can delay the side-B and set up Snake-level GOTCHA combos, otherwise the novelty wears off fast

Ryu: He is the 2nd-least likeable guy, what a turbo douche

Bayomehtta: She’s rule 63 Dante, her game was always just a DMC ripoff that relied on her tits & ass to differentiate from it

Inkling: I like the yellow hair girl one but I ABSOLUTELY HATE THE CRINGY-ASS ASSIST TROPHY AND WILL ABSOLUTELY UNFAIRLY BLAME THE CHARACTER FOR THIS.

C Tier

Samus: She is the most FBNIS character

Ice Climber: They’re really un-cute and I hate their desync thing

Metaknight: This guy was so much cooler before he talked, or rather, before he screamed AYAYGYGYAYGYAGA

Ike: Marth World has like 2,000 characters ranging from pegasus knights to barbarians to psychic dragon-girl dancers, and yet we keep getting these boring fucking swordsmen

Pokemon Trainer: Get absolutely the fuck out you twerp you don’t even do a goddamn thing and you die the second any one of your THREE fighters is KO’d so you don’t even incorporate the actual spirit of your original character unlike literally everybody else

Venusaur: If I evolved this ugly fucker I would delete my save

Lucas: If I had an Absolutely Gone Machine that could erase anything in the world and delete everyone’s memory that it ever existed so they would shut the fuck up about it, Mother 3 would be precisely the fourth thing I deleted

Robin: Least shitty post-Melee Marth World character but I just haven’t bothered to try it out to see if it’s actually good or not, probably because I’m just too allergic to Marth World by now

Dark Samus: Cool, but why

Daisy: MPATBUD, but this one has the closest thing to a personality. Unfortunately it is a fucking terrible and horrific personality

Zero Suit Samus: hey cool Samus is Barbie now

Ken: Remember how I said Ryu was the 2nd-least likeable? Well here’s Liquid Ryu to seize the coveted spot

Cloud: Yeah hey, let’s take the one Final Fantasy protagonist with like the least connection to Nintendo, no it’s fine, every goddamn Marth World game except the one that justified its worldwide presence has a character in but we’re not gonna use Cecil or Buttz or Terra

Corrin: Any hope this bitch had to go on my “Is a dragon so I like it” list was ruined by how absolutely infuriating it is to fight against Corrin especially that one Spirit match where he spams his INSTANT FINAL SMASH THAT HAS LIKE AN INFINITELY VERTICAL HITBOX fuck this goddamn digimon

D tier

Yoshi: I’ve hated this thing ever since it stopped going BAWONKA WONKA and started going blblblblblbl

add Birdo as an Echo and I might forgive you

Peach: MPATBUD, Peach is usually able to manifest either the behavior of a real person (Paper Mario) or the appearance of one (Smash), but sadly never both, she is doomed to blow-up-dollery forevermore

Sonic: Please add any other Sonic character, any at all, I’ll even take Charmy, I fucking hate Blue Bubsy

Wolf: The only reason he is not the furry-trashiest character in Smash is because Krystal is an AT, this cocksucker deadass awoos

Wii Fit Trainer: Next to her, Mario Princesses almost look human

Rozzalinda: MPATBUD and this one is the worst, far and away the worst Mario Princess, she is the creepiest fucking woman. WHY IS IT THAT NOBODY IN MARIO ACTS LIKE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING EXCEPT THE CHARACTERS WHO AREN’T FUCKING HUMAN. tl;dr the only people who say rosalina is their waifu collect people’s faces

Mii Fighters: you dress them up to make a parody of a character and then never once actually use said parody because they are stupid

Palutena: remember in Uprising how they could make fake Palutenas, this is one of them, they have a fake Viridi too, you know it is because starting in smash 4 it is clearly two different actresses trying way too hard to sound like the old ones and i can’t get over it sorry. (also she plays like shit)

Pac-Man: I only liked him when he was a pizza

Shulk: does he ever shut the fuck up

Lucina: add a red nose and it’s Marth: Tumblr Edition

Chrom: oh fuck off

Robin’s bitchass final smash still calls this clown

even if you use it on Chrom

he is so ashamed of his audacity he fucking fucks himself

[deepstheeskimo]

White noise

There is an old Russian proverb about thinking seven times and cutting just once. There is also a much more modern proverb about people that use proverbs in everyday conversation but bear with me.

Thinking seven times and cutting once refers to considered planning and careful action in carpentry or needlework. No bugger wants a dress with a stitched up arm hole or a door without a handle so you take in all the evidence and potential consequences. Online though it seems that people are happy to quickly gather up their door handles, fork handles, love handles and social media handles and jump on into action without any thought – it’ll be alright on the night. 

We have a culture of sad young people, brought up not having to do anything. Parents shovelled a diet of Cookie Crisp, Captain Birdseye and Dairylea Dunkers. Whatever was on the curriculum was irrelevant because 80% of kids were pissing about with ‘turn to page 56’ gags or playing with Bunsen burners. 

The slave trade was part of the curriculum and you could have learnt ‘how to pay tax’ but nobody made you. Both STEM and essay subjects passed you by because you slept at the back of Travel and Tourism and spent evenings playing Spyro. Considering their mealtimes were empty chaired for years, it’s amazing that parents ever waded into battle for kids when Jamie Oliver and New Labour tried to raise the bar of school dinners to something above the level of pouring vegetable oil and pigswill straight into a trough.

We have a culture of sad young people that are pretending to be happy. In a few years we will have a fuck load of good film and TV because this lot are already used to starring in their own online sitcom. It’s a high fructose, high-ego happy go lucky hamster wheel powered by double taps and blue light. The hills have eyes. The fucking eyes have hills. 

The vast majority of it produces nothing of worth. Instead of a considered proverb, scrolling down any feed can more likely produce seven lies easily exposed with a single cutting question. If there is no substance to what you are saying, you are just mouth breathing a collection of guttural sounds. Bella off the Sims can do better than that. For example:

“Influencer” too now is it? Last week it was apparently just modelling that was deemed a big enough income stream to make it to the bio. That was just an impressive sideline, it turns out. My money is that before next week’s update, the intervening seven days witness you completing a two year course in Beauty Therapy. It’s pretty much the same thing as just plugging out the characters in Roboto. I’m not buying it, just like I didn’t buy that weird drink you were flogging.

Next app, first item. No, you didn’t buy a 200 grand house at 18 and aren’t-I-so-proud-posing-outside-with-high-waist-jeans-to-hide-a-muffin-top. You and your partner, on the shoulders of the State have a shared ownership flat. You do two days at college a week and work weekends at New Look. Your partner’s an apprentice electrician. It is meaningful and brilliant that you have managed to cobble together £10k between you. It’s probably more meaningful (brilliance arguable) that banks and the State have provided the other 90% of the credit to give you this chance in life. Nobody is expecting you to have three kids and a dog just yet, Abi.

It’s Thursday night in May 2020. Toot toot. We are all so damn proud of OUR NHS. Ok it’s 20:03, back to Tiger King. Wait, here’s a story that seems touching, someone that works for the NHS and has felt the support deeply “here on the front line seeing the patients with the virus is so scary”. Uh oh, here comes Mark Wright with some novelty ribbon-snipping scissors to cut out your bullshit. Touched that deeply after being there one day, as a receptionist. In the regional head office of a private healthcare firm? Just admit that you only care since COVID-19 meant it got likes. 

Someone else drawling on about COVID-19: “yeah man Brad and I actually reckon we had it so like…”, another one bimbling in the light blue comments about “well I did feel EXTREMELY unwell in late December” and a third prancing on Instagram talking about their “home quarantine and recovery” someone get them all COVID-19 test kits, then they’ll hear the director’s cut. If you do not have anything to add, just be quiet.

Some audio now and a nice break from all the Corona Content. Interesting that closing all of the venues hasn’t seemed to impact your, ahem, business at all. Perhaps I am being harsh though and you are just starting out. Trouble is that I’ve slept under plenty more breeze block palisades than you ever have. Being bought a deck and an amp gives you a hobby, not a fledgling MC career. Might well be “tuff out ‘ere” but that should be “tough out e-yuh” Less Run-DMC, more Run-DE7.

Be careful with it people because as well as being transparent, one minute you can be pretending to be in seventh heaven and the next you’re about to take the most serious final cut yourself. My hamster wheel ran that course before.

Oh and by the way Abi, before you grab your door handle. Kieron’s company has had to cease trade. And he cheated on you on that ‘lads weekend’ in Prague.

[breezeinmonochromenight]

Responding on (actual) main because I can’t change accounts rn lol. I’ll just put this over on the other blog later.

But yeah. Basically all of these two posts.

I enjoy having fun, especially with something like DMC that leaves a lot of holes to be discussed/filled by the audience/etc. and interpreted. And it’s supposed to be fun! I don’t come here to think about things likes it’s my job of something. I really don’t like having intelligent thoughts outside of a normal work/school hours. (Ew. Horrible. 😂)

Also there’s such a great argument to be made in pointing out the gap between DMC games, because there’s so many great games/other series that are just really old or hard to come by. It’s not just Devil May Cry. Some media, for one reason or another, can be be really hard to get ahold of to experience for yourself, so it’s obnoxious to see when people fail to consider that and judge for not knowing the minutiae of a game.

(Hi, Konami.)

Alsoooo the trend of having to know like every little scrap of information is just... immensely fucking annoying to me. Like, yes I get a little annoyed when people talk out of their ass about something I enjoy like they’re speaking the gospel when they clearly have no idea what’s going on (or have a singular interest in mind), and yes I enjoy reading about and writing characters as in-character as possible. I can admit that and have no problem doing so. But like... I enjoy the shitposts and humor just as much, if not more. And I definitely don’t think people should be like... banned from participation or something just because I find them annoying or something*. Nobody learns anything or grows like that, it discourages any kind of growth, and... it’s not hard to avoid people on here (for the most part).

And like. As much I enjoy really knowing about the stuff I like? With rare exception, I don’t really care about interviews or developer notes or whatever, especially if it’s not pertinent to the lore of the game or the reason a game functions the way it does. I’m not that obsessive and quite frankly, it ain’t that interesting. I do not care what the datamine from FFVIIR yielded nor do I care about anything Capcom is hinting at, at any given time, Karen. I’m very sorry you feel that kind of information makes some sort of central pillar for the fandom.

[I also start running into the RPF crowd at this point, and frankly, that’s something gives me next-level heebie-jeebies and that I find borders on highly invasive/disrespectful, so it’s just more reason to avoid it all. But that’s a conversation for another day.]

But yeah. Anyway. Like. I don’t know how to be any more clear when I say shit like “In my opinion”, “I just have a feeling/get the vibe that...”, “I have no real evidence for this, but just for fun...”, etc. versus “take a look at this *link* with this in mind” or “it’s confirmed in [obscure dialogue/cutscene that’s hard get], you can watch it here *link*”. Like... I’m not certain people (👀👀👀), I don’t cite my opinions as facts nor do I consider any seniority I might have in my interests as authority — no one should. I don’t really consider anyone but the actual creators and developers the authority, ya know? 😂

Additionally, as a not entirely unrelated side note: I also don’t like it when people get preachy/condescending** in asks or w/e because they’ve been in a fandom longer or something. Like. Most of the stuff I’m into, I have been into for ages and I like seeing new people come in and ask questions and get their feet wet while being able to spread what I personally know/have taken away from a series — so I try to respond to stuff in a way that invites addition and further discussion while walking people through my thought process/why I came to a the conclusion that I did. It’s not always perfect, though, depending on the ask topic. Especially when a series like Metal Gear needs a mini poli-sci refresher for almost any ask response — not because I think anyone’s dumb or ignorant, but because a lot of that shit needs some extensive explanation before getting to the point, and I personally feel rude making someone go off and do homework just to read through a fucking tumblr ask response. If someone thinks you’re a good person to ask, I feel like effort should be made to confirm that. Because it... takes a lot of nerve to ask questions in general, especially off Anon. So yeah. That’s all really annoying, too.

[DMC’s also a special case too, because I’ve been here long enough to watch interest in the series as a whole basically die and get resurrected. I’m overjoyed people flocked to DMC5 and took to it as well as they did, bc it’s kind of a huge risk to pop out a major sequel over a decade later and have people not be intimidated/turned off by starting a series on its 5th entry.]

*Excluding trolls. 👀

**me trying to be polite goes out the window in one very extremely specific situation re: fandom, but again, that is another convo entirely.

Not to be that guy, but when I post something and explicitly state “There’s no real basis for this, and I have absolutely no evidence to back it up, but it is fun to talk about/could make for a fun headcanon/etc.” and you write me an essay on why it’s wrong “because there’s no evidence and...” using factoids I’m already aware of/have referenced before, I’m just going to pass on reading it and block you.

If your reading comprehension skills are at zero, then so are mine. (:

[thatguysamaniac-blog]

A.K.A it's 1998 again, A.K.A Richie and Cunzy's gaming tastes are so on the beaten track that there's a well worn runnel slap bang in the middle of the beaten track, the very beaten track if you like, and that's the only place we'll ever walk. Apologies to all those indies, new IPs, unique genres and innovative games we're only playing stuff we know, stuff we played already, remasters, re-releases and sequels. Looking through the games of 2019 I made myself actual chunder with how boringly quotidian our games list was going to be. We apologise to both of you in advance. IT WAS ALSO A BUMPER FUCKING YEAR FOR GAMES. It's like 1998 again. The Switch is the new PlayStation and we've not been excited for """"""new""""" releases like this for a long time. I think we picked up almost all of these on launch day and it's been a long time since a year has inspired us to do that. In no apparent order: Resident Evil 2 (Cunzy & Richie) Cunzy: You know when you want something for so long that your expectations are built up so much that the reality can never really live up to the hype. We were practically done with the Resident Evil 2 remaster or whatever you may call it before it came out. Surely, it won't be good. Well it was good and a perfect mix of nostalgia and update. There was something strangely refreshing too about a game that was done in just a few hours. It ended. You played it because you wanted to not because the daily logins or sub fees or challenges or endless levelling sucked you back in. I went through 3/4 campaigns in quick succession but have to admit barely touched all the extra stuff they added afterwards. It seemed to really strike a chord with players though who were quickly speed running and smashing the shit out of that game. Likely one I'll return to again and again over the years. Didn't include the line about "That guy's a maniac" though  so 2/10 overall. Richie: PC Mods a reminder that human beings cant have nice things: DMC V (Richie) Devil May Cry is all you could want in a Devil may cry game and more, the addition of V as a a character was amazing, ignoring the DMC Ninja other universe thing. The "plot" was "good" as good as a mindless demon slaying excuse can get. Surprisingly nice was the game had Zero monetization, "Here have a game, there are different difficulties, and a battle tower, enjoy", you can buy unlockables such as alt colours you would get if you poured several hundred hours into the game. The whole family is back and more, and also another feverent reminder that human beings cant have nice things: Tetris 99 (Cunzy) It's fucking Tetris. Excellent theme remix. Grateful for the extra modes. Despite what I just said up above in relation to Resident Evil 2, all the continued Games As A Service stuff has got me logging in to 'unlock that skin' or 'try new modes' only to re-emerge 4 hours later with sore thumbs and bloodshot eyes. Fucking great. I just wish I could get old man Richie to understand how the Tetris 99 online worked so he'd give it a fighting chance. (Richie: Tetris is not an online game, never was, it was on a gameboy and that was my last interaction with it tetris 99 is an abomination, jumping on the battle royale bandwagon) Final Fantasy VII (Richie and Cunzy)  Richie: Arguably one of the first time sinks in video games, yeas sure you can "complete" the game in 30ish hours, but If you wanna get those Ruby and Emerald Weapons killeded you need to sink waaaay more into that. Initially we were not fussed about this release but a brief ill advised soiree, into the podcast Castle super Beast got us hyped for it, even if we were just furious at one of the "presenters" having some rather pervy memories about how some of that shit when down. (Spoilers: Cloud did not do Tifa doggy style while everyone watched) Cunzy1 1: The music still gets us, unintuitively the pre-rendered backgrounds with Tekken block characters hold up today and we can play it on the go, skip random battles and take snapshots and short clips? I'll see you in 7th Heaven. Fire Emblem: Three Houses (Cunzy) Fire Emblem with Harry Potter where you're put in a position of power over rainbow-haired murderous teens? What. Could go wrong? Pokemon Sword and Shield (Cunzy and Richie)  Continuing the Pokemon domination our lives, leaving our partners ever concerned at the growing amount of time spent on it, never mind the merchandise that continues to creep into our homes. Don't even start on our search histories. In short, dexit was over-hyped. game good. WoW Classic (Richie)  Ref TGAM 2004-2008: RIP Richie's interaction with other games: Return of the Obra Dinn (Cunzy) An indie game? Yes but before you bust my chops for wearing moccasins with no socks to the community jazz jam, this is one of those games that everyone and their dog (the PC folk) was fawning over for a whole year before it got ported to a proper gaming system. I mean, they were right. It's fantastic. A glorious little self contained package of sweetness unlike anything else out there and in no need of sequelising, remixing, updating or any of that nonsense. It's one of those "if you say anything you've said too much about it" games though so just trust me. Gal Gun 2 (Nobody) Richie: What we never, no Idea what you are talking about... Cunzy1 1: What, that game where you shoot schoolgirls in the tits and biff to rid them of horny trolls and get them to calm the fuck down? Never heard of it.

http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2019/12/tgam-our-games-of-2019.html