#get crushed again two weeks before the election? or chicken out?

[qqueenofhades]

[dale-the-human]

Never Eat Soggy Waffles (VENOM 2 TRAILER ONESHOT)

Based on the latest trailer for "Venom 2 Let there be Carnage," specifically the fantastically chaotic breakfast scene which is perfect and I love every part of it. READ ON AO3

In the films, the sentient, genderless gooey blob bonded to Eddie Brock is often referred to by he/him pronouns so that's what's used here. My headcanon is that Venom couldn't care less what they're called, as long as it's not "it" or "parasite" or "gooey blob."

Too fuckin early.

That was the first coherent thought that went through Eddie's mind as he went through the uncomfortable process of dragging his sluggish brain back to consciousness after twelve hours of something that resembled a coma more than sleep.

He felt something only-semi-gently prod his cheek and opened his eyes to find Venom's face floating so close that if both of them had had noses, they would be participating in what is rather-extremely inappropriately called an "Eskimo Kiss." There had to be a better, more culturally sensitive name for that, but with only half of his brain online, the word was out of Eddie's reach. 

The first five times Eddie had woken up to the dramatic visage of Venom's face floating approximately two inches away from his own, he'd been understandably startled. For example, instance number four had resulted in a violent collision with the laptop Eddie had made the mistake of leaving right next to his head.

But a year of morning jumpscares had conditioned Eddie's sympathetic nervous system, and today he barely even blinked.

"IT IS 1PM, EDDIE," Venom said. "I WOULD SAY GOOD MORNING BUT THAT IS NOT EVEN ACCURATE ANYMORE."

Eddie groaned, turning away from him. He grabbed another pillow and shoved his face into it, blocking out the sunlight piercing through the half-broken window blinds. When had those even broken? He didn't care enough to try to remember. 

A callous black tentacle very rudely snatched the precious pillow away, then even more rudely smacked Eddie on the cheek.

"WAKEY WAKEY, EGGS AND BAC'Y"

"...What?" Eddie mumbled sleepily. "The hell'd you learn that from?"

"A COMMERCIAL. YOU WERE ASLEEP AT THAT POINT."

"Ah." 

Venom had a fascination with human television, and since he required significantly less sleep than Eddie, and Eddie could sleep though pretty much anything, they would often spend the night laid out on the couch, Eddie drooling on the dilapidated cushions while Venom watched anything and everything from football to infomercials to Pawn Stars to The CW. 

To Eddie's mild confusion, Venom was particularly fond of Supernatural, He enjoyed learning human lore of monsters and ghosts, and occasionally woke up Eddie to ask if something was real. Even though the answer was almost always "No, and for the love of fuck just let me sleep," the alien still greatly enjoyed the show. Once, he shared with Eddie that his favorite character was Dean because he looked the most like him. Even though Eddie had apologized for laughing so hard, Venom was too embarrassed to ever bring it up again.

After another minute of impatient prodding, Venom successfully got his reluctant host out of bed. It took a combined effort to get both of Eddie's arms into the sleeves of a dingy old bathrobe, then the two of them trudged over to the kitchen, sidestepping a chicken and other assorted detritus they'd been "meaning to clean up" for several weeks now. 

"Okay, c'mon, V," Eddie grumbled. "You've gotta let me have coffee today."

NO, the symbiote answered inside his head. WE HAVE TALKED ABOUT THIS, EDDIE. CAFFEINE IS NOT GOOD FOR YOU, AND WE DO NOT LIKE THE WAY IT FEELS.

Eddie sighed, opening the fridge. "You know, you're really bustin' my balls here. It's just coffee. Everyone drinks coffee- I've been drinking it like it's water for the majority of my adult life and look how I turned out."

WE KNOW. THAT'S ONE OF THE MANY DAMAGES YOU SHOULD BE GLAD WE ARE HERE TO FIX. IT'S IMPRESSIVE HOW WELL YOUR BODY FUNCTIONED DESPITE YOUR BEST EFFORTS TO RUIN IT.

"You know what?" Eddie said as he rifled through the shelves of disorganized food. "I'm gonna choose to take that as a compliment."

He grabbed the carton of discount orange juice they'd purchased on a shopping trip several days ago, feeling Venom extend several tentacles from his back. 

Eddie purposefully ignored the cacophony of crashing dishware and cookware that followed, diverting his entire focus to pouring himself a glass of cheap OJ as various ingredients and cartons of milk flew around him. 

Behind him, he heard Venom turn on the radio and dial it to his favorite station. As misfortune would have it, it turned out to be a song Venom knew well enough to remember the lyrics to, and Eddie was treated to a delightful cover of "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off." 

Venom's impression of Louis Armstrong wasn't actually half-bad, but it was a little hard to enjoy while the symbiote belted it out entirely within their shared headspace. Why he elected to project his voice mentally instead of forming a mouth and singing irl, Eddie had no idea. He was tempted to yell at him to shut up, but after a moment of consideration, he decided it wasn't annoying enough to ruin Venom's fun.

Still doing his best not to acknowledge the chaos behind him, Eddie picked up his glass and shuffled over to the crappy little table they used for most meals. Their previous table had been a much larger one, but it had met an untimely demise six months ago when the human-symbiote team had made the unwise decision to practice back-flips indoors. 

Eddie sat down, only to be startled when Venom grabbed the table with a tentacle and pushed Eddie's chair closer with a violent shove.

While he waited for Venom to finish whatever unorthodox meal he was preparing, he looked through the stack of mail in front of him. 

Another letter from that red-headed freak. Great. 

It was almost flattering that Kasady had picked him specifically as the only interviewer he'd talk to, but the psychopath's fixation was disturbing, even for seasoned reporter Eddie Brock.

His thoughts were interrupted by the dramatic arrival of two plates stacked high with every breakfast food he could think of. Half-cooked eggs, burnt sausages, something with mushrooms, a few whole strawberries, pancakes, and waffles, all stacked in one horrific pile and soaking wet with milk and cereal.

TA-DA! Venom said proudly. He held a bottle of ketchup in front of Eddie with one tentacle. KETCHUP?

"Excuse me?" Eddie barely had time to register what Venom had said before the symbiote happily crushed the entire bottle and coated Eddie in a beautiful explosion of red sauce.

YUMMY, Venom purred.

As he sat there, decorated with what looked like a gruesome blood splatter and faced with the unappetizing prospect of eating the breakfast Venom had lovingly prepared for him, Eddie had the same thought as before.

Too fuckin early.

[cantgetoutofmyheda]

Omg can you write a one shot where Lexa is paid by her college peers to write love letters to their gfs/ppl they want to date. So Finn asks her to write for Clarke and it becomes a constant. Until one day clarke goes up to her and says I know its you

OKAY. So this has been sitting in my asks for like a year. There will be a few (but short-ish) parts to this. And before anyone asks, this is not based off of “The Half of It” ... but here ya go.

---

Letters

PART 1

It was Polis Record’s fault. Lexa’s atrocious week was definitely Polis Record’s fault. Had Titus not been a complete asshat of a manager and dicked the schedule around, Lexa certainly wouldn’t be having this predicament. Had Lexa’s hours not have been cut back, she wouldn’t be where she was. Had Lexa not known that her next paycheck would be half of what it normally was, she wouldn’t be writing a fake love letter to the devastatingly beautiful girl in her Astronomy class. Had Finn Collins not offered her cash to do so, she wouldn’t be writing this letter on his behalf, even though she was the one that’s had an earth-shattering crush on the recipient ever since their Freshmen orientation, four long years ago.

Let’s rewind.

“Titus, are you kidding me?” Lexa huffed at the bald-headed man who was scurrying around the break room like a headless chicken. “You did what?”

“Lexa, listen,” he tried to calm her down. “The schedule will be back to normal before you know it. I had to hire her. There wasn’t another way around it.”

She was mad. No. More than mad, “There was. But you just didn’t have the balls to tell your mistress’ best friend that you already had a full roster of people on your fucking schedule.”

“Can you keep it down!” He hissed. “This is temporary. I’m sorry. I couldn’t dock my cousin, okay? The schedule will even itself back out. You’ll be back to selling these shitty, scratched up vinyls in no time. Ride it out for two weeks, it won’t kill you.”

What he didn’t realize was that two weeks of half-pay because of shitty scheduling could actually kill her. He just didn’t realize that. There was the pressure of doing well in school, that was one thing. But there was also the pressure of doing well enough to keep her GPA high enough to keep her partial scholarship. And then the pressure of her shitty part-time job at the local record store to help make early payments to her student loans so she wouldn’t have to worry about crippling herself into debt once she figured out what to do with a fucking degree in Geology.

“Two weeks,” she warned him as she started to storm out. “This better be fixed in two weeks, Titus.”

Spoiler alert: Two weeks had come and gone, and Lexa was still screwed off of her work schedule.

“C’mon,” Finn pleaded at Lexa’s side. He had managed to weasel his way into the vestibule of Lexa’s apartment building. “I took that writing class with you last year. I know you’re good. I just need one letter. Typed. That’s it.”

She was already on the verge of a massive outburst after her conversation with Titus. The dickwad that he was, managed to screw her hours up for another week, even though he promised he wouldn’t, “This is not a good time, Finn. Seriously.”

“$200.” He stood tall in front of her. “$200 in cash right now, and all you need to do is type up a page of words that will have her vaguely interested in the person who wrote it, and that’s it. $200 right now. If you do this, then I’ll never bother you for anything again.” He scratched the back of his neck, “Listen, I just need a good way in. I can take the rest from there, okay?”

$200 was enough to cover a good portion of what she would be missing out on for the week. $200 was enough to get by. $200 was enough to get her mind to start churning.

“$300 and it’s a deal,” she tried to match his height. She straightened her back and broadened her shoulders as far as she could.

He laughed at the request, “You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“You’re the one that needs me,” she reminded me.

He let out a huff and pulled another Benjamin out of his leather wallet and clumped it with the other two. “Fine,” he shook his head as he handed her the wad of cash.

Lexa nodded as she took the money. She buried the pang of guilt she felt into her pocket, alongside the earnings she just made and was ready to make way up the two flights of stairs when she felt Finn grab her arm.

“Hey,” he called out. “Wait a sec. I started a letter already, but didn’t get very far. You can just go off of this,” he handed her a folded piece of paper.

She opened it and read it aloud, “Have you ever felt like you couldn’t breathe? Like the weight of everything you’ve been carrying has amounted to this one moment in your life? Like there’s this burden placed so heavy on your chest that has left your lungs struggling for any ounce of air?”

Finn nodded as the words poured out of Lexa’s mouth. He was more than proud of what he thought was eloquently poetic. Lexa’s look of confusion went missed by him as he crossed his arms over his chest, “Pretty good, right?”

“Finn,” she deadpanned. “It sounds like you just described having the fucking Spanish Flu. I’m not using this. You sound like a serial killer.”

“What?” he yelped. “It’s poetic!”

“It’s a terrifying beginning to what’s supposed to be a love letter,” she deadpanned again. She shook her head as she finally made her way to the flight of stairs, “Give me a few days, I’ll come up with what we need.”

He rolled his eyes, “Fine. But you better make it good.”

She made it good. She made it really fucking good.

Clarke ran her fingertips over the paper as she scanned the words again. She had no idea who had left it for her—she walked into the lecture hall a few minutes early, as she normally did, and saw an envelope pinned to the corkboard with “Clarke” scribbled on it. She looked around, wanted to see if anyone in particular was looking in her direction. It was the usual suspects that always got to class a little bit early. Monty, the one who was always quiet in class but loudest at the neighborhood bar during happy hour. Echo, the girl who always sat in the back row and snoozed as soon as the professor opened her mouth. Finn, the boy who always found a way to have an uncalled for argument with the professor. Lexa, the one who was always in the front row and tended to herself.

Not a single one of them was paying her a piece of mind, so she let her eyes scan the letter one last time before the room filled up.

Clarke,

I was sitting on the lawn behind the library catching up on reading for a class last week. I was skimming through Voltaire’s words:

“Sensual pleasure passes and vanishes, but the friendship between us, the mutual confidence, the delight of the heart, the enchantment of the soul, these things do not perish and can never be destroyed.”

This particular passage struck a chord with me, and it was mostly because when I looked up after reading it, I immediately saw you consoling who I’d assume to be a friend of yours. I’m not sure what had happened, but she looked like she was crying and you showed up with a blanket to sit on, a bowl of fresh fruit, and sat with her and listened intently while she spoke. It was life imitating art, right before my eyes.

Voltaire’s writing is mostly straight and to the point. It isn’t hard to decipher the messages he often tries to relay, but it was most certainly a breath of fresh air to finish that passage to find a parallel to present day. Your actions on that lawn helped me see things a little clearer.

I suppose I just wanted to thank you for that. SO, thank you for being the catalyst for making something in my brain click.

Before I close this letter off, I do have a question for you. And if you feel so inclined to indulge and answer it, you can drop it back into the envelope where you found this one and pin it back to the board.

Has anything happened to you recently that struck a chord? Something that stood out to you, but you haven’t had a chance to dive deeper into it? I’d like to know.

Enjoy your week, Clarke.

Upon tucking the printed note under her laptop, she took another look around the hall, which was now practically full. She moved her computer to the side and pulled a notepad out of her bag. The professor had started her lecture, but Clarke’s mind wandered from the images pulled up on the projector from the Spritzer space telescope as her pen started to move across the page.

Hello,

I believe you’re at an unfair advantage here. You know my name. You know what I look like. Yet I have absolutely no idea who you are. So if you write back to this, I’m hoping you’ll share some insight on the person behind the pen (or keyboard, in your instance).

I’m happy that the interaction you saw helped bring better insight into what you were working on. Coincidentally, the friend that I was with when you saw me is also reading a Voltaire piece for an assignment. I wonder if you’re in the same class?

She’s taking “Romance Studies” as an elective. I tried to convince her that there was no point harping on what was considered to be “romantic” through archaic literary pieces that are now long gone, and replaced with mediocre-at-best Netflix series about teenage love.

It always seemed that with the way things were going in our lifetime… that all “romance” really was, was when two people swiped right on Tinder.

With that said… I guess I can honestly say that your letter is what struck a chord with me. Especially after freshly coming out of that conversation with my friend.

I don’t want to be presumptuous. But it seems that this gesture of yours, whether it was meant to be platonic, or if it was meant to imply a sense of something more, is making me realize that maybe—just maybe—the practice of sharing words on a page isn’t so archaic after all.

-Clarke

She was happy with the end result of what was hurriedly committed to the page. Clarke quickly tore it from her notebook and tucked the loose piece of paper back into the envelope. She scanned her fellow students to see if anyone was watching her. She slunk further into her seat and wondered if the recipient was there, sitting in that very room. Unfortunately for her, the lecture that was being given on the Nebular Theory kept the attention of every other person in the hall, so she quickly reached for her computer to start typing notes on the theory’s premise of how every planet in the system was formed.

A tedious hour later, her fellow classmates started packing up and rushed towards the exit door. Clarke took her time shutting her computer down and tucking things away into her bag. She was suddenly aware that the person who wrote to her—the person she now wrote to—could be in the room watching her to see if she had a written response back.

She waited a few more minutes, and finally deemed it safe when the last few people in the room seemed to be chatting with one another or finishing up straightening their notes from the lecture. With a big exhale, she pinned the envelope back onto the board and made a swift exit.

Lexa felt a tap to her shoulder, which caused her to look up, “What do you want?”

“I think it worked. She put the envelope back!” the excitement in Finn’s face didn’t go unnoticed.

“Okay,” Lexa lowered her head to finish writing out her notes from the class. “Job’s done.”

“I’m gonna go get it so we can read it and figure out what to do next,” he giddily let out before darting out of Lexa’s peripheral.

She let out a sigh of distaste when he came back half a minute later and pulled a chair close to where she was sitting. “Finn, you said one letter. I did it. This is on you now. And if you don’t mind, I need to finish up here,” she raised her hand, showing she was still trying to get some of her notes done.

“Fine, suit yourself,” he propped his feet onto the table in front of them while he silently read Clarke’s reply. “Hmm, Voltaire?”

The author’s name caught Lexa’s attention. She suddenly looked up to where he was sitting, “What about him?”

“I don’t know. Clarke said something about him. That’s the bad dude from Harry Potter, right?” Finn brought his attention back to the letter. “What did our letter even say? You never even showed me.”

He handed Lexa the notebook page with loopy and wide writing on it. The edges were jagged, as if Clarke did the whole thing in haste.

“What do you want me to do with that?” Lexa eyed the piece of paper.

“Read it and let me know if you think she likes me,” Finn shrugged. “But also, why didn’t you put my number or something on it?”

“Because it’ll probably take more than one letter for her to even be open to the idea of you,” Lexa chided in her reply. She let her eyes quickly scan the girlish handwriting and folded the paper back up. “She’s definitely intrigued.”

Finn finally set his feet on the floor as he leaned forward and rubbed his hands together, “Okay, great! So what do we do now?”

“We,” Lexa pointed her pen between the two of them. “Do nothing. You can write another letter and see if she wants anything to do with you, Finn.”

“C’mon,” he nudged her shoulder. “I’ll pay ya for another one. Another $300. But we need an exit plan for when we move this from letters to texting or something.”

“Her reply literally just said that we’ve opened the idea to her that letters are romantic,” Lexa shook her head. “Your take on that was to immediately turn this to a texting conversation?”

He grabbed the letter from Lexa, “What? Where’d she said that? It doesn’t say that, Lexa.” He scratched his head.

Lexa let out a defeated sigh, “Finn. She literally said something like, ‘maybe the practice of sharing words on a page isn’t so archaic’ or something. Did we not just read the same piece of paper?”

“See, Lexa,” he smiled as he patted her shoulder. “This is why I need you. Just one or two more. Same price per letter. I just need a little more help and then I’ll be outta your hair. Promise.”

She took her palm to her forehead and rubbed her thumb into her temple. One more wouldn’t hurt. Mostly because the $300 definitely wouldn’t hurt.

“Fine,” she finally let out. “One more. Give me her letter back. I’ll have our reply ready for this same class next week.”

“Excellent,” he grinned as he handed the piece of paper over to her. “You’re a lifesaver, Lexa.”

She felt anything but that. But at least it meant she’d be able to get by for the next week or two, while Titus still screwed around with her hours at the record store.

[angst-fairygodmother]

Idiot (Affectionate) ~ A Bad Samaritan Fic

CHAPTER TWO: FRIENDSHIP

Pairing: Derek Sandoval x Reader Word Count: 2839 Rating: T - racism, references to the plot of Bad Samaritan, mild language A/N: I’m trying to balance covering a lot of time so that this doesn’t end up 20 chapters of the same thing and I never get to canon events and also getting some good, specific moments in, so hopefully this works...

Previous Chapter | Masterlist

Time passed. You found yourself settling into a surprisingly easy friendship with Derek, though not one without it’s frustrations, and certainly not one that looked like friendship at all from the outside looking in. On more than one occasion, Sean had poked fun at each of you, though never in front of the other so they were aware, calling you out for flirting and playing hard to get. 

You hated him for being right and refused to admit that it was what you were doing. Your stupid schoolgirl crush on your cousin’s best friend wasn’t something you wanted to acknowledge.

~

Nino’s had been abuzz for weeks with the news that the restaurant had been booked out for a re-election campaign event for the mayor of Portland, and now that the night had arrived, excitement had turned to panic. Nino had fretted constantly about every detail, from the amount of food and wine available to their arrangements on the plates. He had forgone setting up a buffet table for the cocktail and hor d'oeuvres hour in favor of what he thought was the much more high-end system of servers circulating with trays. And now two of the servers had, at the last minute, called in sick. 

“There are not enough people!” Nino was exclaiming. “But I cannot set out a table now! We would have to rearrange the whole room!”

You had only just arrived, stepping into the chaos from the street like passing through an invisible barrier. One that at least part of you wanted to turn around and cross back over again. 

“You need servers more than valets tonight, why not ask those two boys to help?” one of the kitchen staff suggested.

“That’s really not how their contract works,” you muttered, even though you knew it didn’t really matter in the end.

Nino looked thoughtful and turned to you. “Do you think they’d do it?”

Sean and Derek weren’t even there yet, and wouldn’t be until almost opening, so it would be a gamble, unless Nino could get them to pick up the phone. Plus they didn’t have appropriate service uniforms to your knowledge. Which meant that Nino had to either change everyone’s outfits or hope he had spares somewhere in the restaurant. Not to mention, there was no guarantee they’d even be willing, and since they were hired as valets (technically Nino’s had an account with their business, but since it was the only one so far and they didn’t really seem to be actively searching for more, he may as well have hired them directly), they weren’t obligated to do anything other than park and retrieve cars.

You sighed. The only problem with working with family was that you were expected to be able to know Sean’s thoughts on things, as if you were some kind of mind reader or expert.

“I don’t know,” you said with a shrug. “But they both have a lot of respect for you, so it can’t hurt to ask.” 

That was a lie. It could hurt. Saying no would make things awkward, saying yes would cost them a night of tips and...extracurriculars which you chose to actively not acknowledge. But the latter was probably best, since pulling their usual tricks on the mayor, his donors, and his powerful friends would be asking to get caught and spend the rest of their lives in prison.

“Great!” Nino hurried off to the phone as if you had said they would help without a doubt.

~

“Where is your tie?” Nino asked, gesturing, appalled, at Derek’s bare collar. “I told them to find you a tie. You’re not dressed properly. I can’t let you be seen like that!”

The whole staff was gathered around in the lobby for some sort of pep-talk/debrief and assignments before the doors opened for the big event. Nino was checking every detail like a hawk, jittery with nerves. The kitchen guys were anxious, not sure why they’d been dragged from their stations to the front of house, acting like a crowd of kids that got called to the principal’s office. Everyone else was casual, mostly gossiping over who they thought would be there, hoping for a political scandal to break before their eyes. 

Derek held up a length of black silk. “You got any of them clip-on kind? I’ve never worn one before, so I don’t know what I’m doin.”

Nino sputtered. You rolled your eyes, stepping up beside him.

“I’ll take care of this, Nino,” you offered, gesturing at Derek’s entire self, and he had the nerve to look offended.

He nodded, turning away in a hurry, radiating nervous energy, looking for the next crisis. Finding none, he started in on his speech about how tonight was the most important night in the restaurant’s history, how he was proud to have such a dedicated staff. Then he dismissed everyone, listing off assignments as they scattered. You half listened, turning to deal with the problem of Derek’s tie. 

“Hey, thanks,” Derek said quietly, offering you a half smile.

“I’m not doing it for you,” you answered. “Nino’s a better boss than most are ever lucky enough to have. It’d be a damn shame for him to drop of an aneurysm because you don’t know how to dress yourself.”

“Sure,” he chuckled. “Well I guess that means I’m in your hands.”

You smirked at the idea, ignoring Sean’s waggled eyebrow out of your peripheral. Derek noticed, his cheeks coloring slightly.

“You’ve seriously never worn a tie before?” you asked, taking the garment from him.

“No. Why would I? I don’t exactly get invited to the kind of places you need one.”

“Right…” you sighed, stepping closer, throwing the material over your shoulder to free your hands. “Step one is fully close your dress shirt.”

Your fingers darted nimbly, closing the tiny white buttons, ghosting over his throat and making him swallow nervously. 

You continued to describe each step as you took it, looping the tie around his neck, trying to teach him what to do. But he couldn’t focus on your words, not with you standing so close that he could feel the heat radiating between your bodies. 

“And voila. Tie tied. And if someone really wanted to, you have an easy way of killing you around your neck for fashion,” you joked, brushing the fabric smooth. Your hand lingered against his chest for a moment, for reasons you couldn’t explain, before you stepped back.

Silence hung in the air.

“So I’m all set then?” he asked finally, blinking as if coming out of a daze.

“You’ve got to button your vest too, but I assume you can figure that one out for yourself.”

“I don’t know,” he chuckled, beaming at you. “I’ll give it a try.”

You laughed along with him, trying not to think about how handsome he looked, dressed up like this. Not that he wasn’t handsome all the time, even in baggy jeans and a hoodie, but the formal black and white uniform suited him. You frowned, annoyed with yourself for letting your thoughts stray down that path. 

He finished buttoning the garment and spread his arms, gesturing to himself. “How do I look? Pretty good right?”

“Not bad,” you said with a smirk and an effort to keep your voice casual. “Someone nicer might even say you clean up good.”

Suddenly his arm was around your shoulders and he leaned in to your side with a charming smirk of his own.

“Maybe they would, but you know I’ll take a ‘not bad’ from you over that any day,” he said with a laugh.

Before you could respond, he sauntered off, leaving you to glare and gape at his retreating back.

~

Derek couldn’t help himself. He was supposed to be walking around the room with this tray of shrimp puffs - or whatever rich people food Nino had assigned him, he was pretty sure it was shrimp puffs - and offering them to the guests. Instead, he was just standing in one spot, tray held out absently and teetering every time someone brushed past him, watching Y/N. She wove effortlessly through the clusters of men in pressed suits and women in silk dresses that rustled when they moved, smiling easily at them as she offered them champagne or wine. Even from a distance he could see the sparkle in her eye that made each person she spoke to feel like they were special, and as a result scored her numerous ones and fives left behind on her tray when they picked up a glass. His fingers itched to brush aside the piece of her hair that escaped its updo and danced across her temple, tucking it back into place behind her ear. 

He felt a quick flash of guilt as he traced the shape of her body in her uniform, the black vest hugging every line and curve. He shouldn’t be staring, he thought. After all, she was Sean’s cousin and Sean was his best friend. And she was a friend, these days; you don't ogle your friends. But damn if she wasn’t hot, if he didn’t want her. His mind wandered, and he was just starting to imagine what her lips on his might feel like, what she might taste like - she had smelled like apple pie earlier when she was standing so close to him, when he’d been too chicken to make a move while he had the chance, and part of him hoped kissing her would taste like it too - when fingers, covered in too many rings and jingling from the stack of bracelets on the attached wrist, snapped in front of his face, startling him and dragging him back to reality.

“Are you even listening to me?” the woman demanded before raising her voice and slowing her words, over-enunciating each syllable. “I said I want your vegetarian option.”

“Uh. All I got are these shrimp things,” said lamely. “But my buddy Sean is around here with some mushrooms, I think. With like spinach stuff inside?” 

She huffed, glaring and waiting and not saying anything. 

“I'm sorry. I'm not—” 

“Very intelligent. I can tell. I want you to bring me a plate with vegetarian appetizers. That means no meat. Nothing that was alive. And I want a selection, not just dumping all the same thing in a pile.” 

As her voice got louder and her words even slower, it started drawing stares from the rest of the guests. He bristled at her tone, feeling his neck get hot as embarrassment and anger mingled. He knew why she was speaking to him like that. She wasn't the first.

He took a slow, deep breath. Getting angry would just play into her hand and make things worse. Before he could say anything, like maybe some remark about how plants used to be alive too, they just never had faces, Y/N appeared at his elbow.

“Derek! There you are, I've been looking everywhere,” she exclaimed.

He raised an eyebrow, silently asking what she was up to, and tried to ignore the fluttery feeling in his stomach at the idea she’d been looking for him.

“Nino said there was a problem, with the...thing and unless we want the guests to just be eating tiny hors d'oeuvres all night, you have to go talk the chef down from quitting over it.”

“What?” his face scrunched in confusion as he turned to Y/N.

She rolled her eyes (he kind of loved how often she did that) and plucked the tray out of his hand smoothly, fingers brushing briefly against his, sparking under his skin like a hotwiring a car. 

“The thing. In the kitchen,” she said pointedly, like it meant anything. Then she turned to the woman, the largest, fakest smile he had ever seen on her face.

“Right...I’ll uh...get right on that…” he said helplessly. 

“Sorry about that ma’am,” she lied to the woman, voice sickly sweet as she led the woman off. “He’s a culinary genius, but Nino likes to shake things up and keep the staff on their toes.”

“Oh,” the woman said, seeming surprised by the shift. “I just assumed...because he was one of them.”

“One of who?” Y/N asked, feigning confusion now though he could see that her eyes were hard and ice cold. Her smile took on a knife-sharp edge and he found himself grateful that it wasn’t being turned on him.

“Well. You know…”

“I’m sure I don’t. Because I can only think of one thing you might be trying to say. And I know you wouldn’t be so blatantly racist,” her voice got just a little louder, pitched toward the people around them, not the woman she was talking to, “at an important event like this. Would you?”

Derek chuckled and tucked his hands in the pockets of his pants, making his way to the kitchen. It might have been a fake reason, but he figured he may as well take the few minutes break it gave him anyway.

~

“Hey,” you said, dropping into a chair next to Derek, finally catching a short rest while the guests transitioned from one part of the evening to the next and found their seats for speeches and dinner. “Are you okay?”

“Hm? Yeah,” he said quickly, pretending that he had just been zoned out in order to cover for the fact that he was staring, again. “Just exhausted. Is this what it’s like for you every day?”

You chuckled. “It’s not usually quite this intense when we just have a few tables each to focus on. I think serving tables in a bit will be a better idea of that. But I meant about...you know...earlier.”

He made a face of confusion.

“The hag with the cheap perfume and the stupid attitude?” you offered.

“Oh that,” he shrugged. “I’m used to it. She was pretty tame, compared to some.”

“You know that’s the opposite of reassuring right? And not really an answer to the question.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry about it.”

“Okay,” you agreed reluctantly. “Probably for the best. She’s probably a senator or their wife or something, and something tells me bitchslapping a public figure is a negative on the Character and Fitness review.” 

You scratched the back of your head in a(n adorably) sheepish gesture.

“The what?”

“The thing where I spend all this time on a degree, and in the end it all comes down to one insane bullshit test and a review of my personal history. And a bunch of stuffy old men, and women these days, decide if I’m an acceptable fit for the esteemed legal profession.”

“Legal...I didn’t know you were trying to be a lawyer?!”

“Duh,” you rolled your eyes and dropped your voice. “Why do you think I keep telling you and Sean not to get caught yet. I’m useless to you for another year, at least.”

“You didn’t have to step in like that,” he said after a long pause. “I could have handled it.”

“I didn’t think you couldn’t.”

“Then why’d you get involved?”

“Just because you can handle it, doesn’t mean you should have to,” you shrugged. “I could tell you were uncomfortable. I thought I could help.” 

You let your thoughts race. Had you done something wrong in trying to divert the conversation and give him an out? Did you accidentally make things worse? Was there something else you should have done instead?

“I’m not mad,” he said reassuringly, noticing the nearly panicked expression that danced across your face. “I just don’t usually get people doing that for me.”

“Well, what else are friends for?”

There was the at word again, he thought. The thing he didn’t want to destroy, but that stood unnavigable between you. He didn’t know what he was doing. This was new territory for him. It didn’t help that the line was blurry. What was real flirting and what was joking? Sometimes you made him feel more confident than ever, and then seconds later you left him drowning, insecure and flustered. Maybe this was the moment to ask, you had left the door cracked open just enough for an opportunity.

Sean caught his attention, waving him over. He realized with a start that they hadn’t talked all night, for the first time in a long time. The door clicked shut, another chance lost. 

He turned to say something, and you waved him off.

“Don’t worry about it,” you said with a wink and a smile that made his heart flip. “I’m not interested in monopolizing your time. Besides, if I start now, I can probably pop in a quick 10 minute nap before we have to start running the first course.”

He watched you settle further, crossing your arms over your chest and close your eyes, either to continue the joke or to actually do what you said and shook his head fondly, before sauntering off to join Sean on the other side of the room.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #449-450

(both from yesterday)

What do you dislike about the house you live in? It's in the suburbs. Have you thought more about your funeral, or your wedding? My hypothetical wedding. Dinosaurs or unicorns? DINO BOIZ. What do you think of Maroon 5? I like some of their old stuff, and one or two of their newer songs, like "Payphone." What about Coldplay? I enjoy them. Fall Out Boy? Love 'em. Katy Perry? She's okay, I guess. There are a few songs I enjoy. Have you ever snuck into an R-rated movie when you weren’t old enough to see it without parents? No. What is your favorite Disney show? I don't have the slightest clue what's on Disney nowadays. What do you miss most about elementary school? Digging tunnels in the sandbox during recess with my friends. :'( When was the last time you saw the person you had your first kiss with? The start of February 2017. Hard to believe it's been four whole years... Is there anything hanging from the doorknob in your room? Ha, yes. Mom got me a little sign that says, "If I can't wear my flipflops, I'm not going," lmfao. All I wear are flipflops. What's your opinion on wearing pajamas in public? Do you yourself do that? I LITERALLY couldn't care less. I wear pjs in public sometimes; it really depends on where I'm going. What was the most severe punishment your parents gave you when you were growing up? Taking away technology was the worst. Do you usually fill up at the same gas station? Mom goes to a few different ones, depending on proximity and price. Have you ever owned any pet birds? What kinds/colours? I have not. I used to want a cockatiel for a long time, though. Do you pay much attention to your YouTube recommendations? If so, what was the last video that caught your attention? Kinda, I guess. I'm not sure what was the last recommended video I clicked. What has been the happiest time of your life so far? It's complicated. Most of my best memories are from high school with Jason, yet at the same time I was HORRIBLY depressed. I think my most pure happiness when I was really progressing with recovery. Moving on from him, losing tons of weight, feeling motivated... Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity? Who? My two biggest celebrity crushes ever have been/is Link Neal and Mark Fischbach. Do you have any fears you would rarely admit to anyone? Nah. Admitting fears isn't a big deal to me at all. What website do you spend most of your time on? YouTube. What did you have for dinner last night? A chicken sandwich. What could you talk about for hours? Meerkats, Silent Hill, Mark... Do you have a lamp beside your bed? Yes. What's your favorite ice cream topping? Chocolate syrup. What was the last TV show you binge watched? Avatar: The Last Airbender. Would you rather eat burgers or tacos? Oh, burgers for sure. I don't likes tacos. Did your mother change her maiden name when/if she got marred? Yes. Do you use TikTok? Nope. Are you closer to your mother or father? Mom. Do you own any costumes? No. Would you care if your SO went to a strip club? Hm. So long as they're not laying hands on any of the strippers and they ASKED me first, I don't think I'd care? I'm pretty sure I'd also only be okay with that if we were a long-term couple where very strong trust has been built. How helpful are your parents to you? Would they help you to pay for your first apartment? College? Where does the line end? They are so, so very helpful and I'm pretty sure would go to the ends of the earth to help me in any way they could. I know they WOULD help pay for the things you mentioned, but it's not something I want them to do. I want to be able to financially provide for myself, one day... Have you ever had to evacuate due to natural disaster? No. What video games did you have when you were growing up? LOADS. I looooooooved video games. What was the first election you ever voted in? This last one, actually. Can you hear anything right now? Yeah. I'm watching Gab play the Resident Evil 3 remake on hardcore mode. What's the coolest, most unusual pet you can think of? I've always thought sugar gliders were quite interesting as pets. I wanted one for a looong time, but I am not informed on how well they do in captivity and if it should even be legal for me to truly want one anymore. Have you ever seen a UFO or other weird object in the sky? By definition, it was a UFO. Sometimes I do even wonder if it was an alien spacecraft, given JUST how strange that shit was. I won't explain it again, just 'cuz I've done it in many surveys before. Are there any albums you know every single lyric to? I could probably nail Ozzy's Black Rain. What's your go-to painkiller? Advil. Does your mom have a celebrity look-alike? No, but there's a celebrity with her exact name. Do you think it’s pretty when 100s of balloons are let loose into the sky? NO NO NO NO NO that shit is SO upsetting. Where do you think they end up??? It's littering. Animals get choked and tangled by them all the time. What do you draw more than anything else? Definitely meerkats. Have you ever visited someone in a psychiatric home or ward? No, but people have visited me in one. Have you ever received a parking fine? No. Are you in any group chats? Who's in them? No. Do you have a lisp? No. Do you have an Instagram account? Do you use it often? I have three, but one's pretty much dead. I don't post stuff regularly on my other two either, really... Can you parallel park? I would absolutely hit another car. Have you ever played paintball? Did you get hit? No, that shit's dumb. You can get really hurt. What was your favorite fairy tale when you were a kid? Maybe Little Red Riding Hood? Are your parents still together? If not, do you know why? No. Mostly financial disagreements, but I know there's stuff I don't know. Have you ever been evicted? Why? Yes, because we couldn't keep up with rent. Have you ever worked as a manager or supervisor? Noooo. What was the last thing you voted for? So Snake Discovery (a reptile channel I love) hosted an enclosure build-off recently, and the winners were selected by fans via voting. The guy I voted for got 3rd. What's the most amazing animal you've ever seen in captivity? I've been very close to an elephant at a zoo once. They're magnificent. Having been to Sea World as a kid (I would NEVER go now), I also saw the killer whale show. As much of a spectacle as it was, it was animal abuse regardless. Do you like white chocolate? It's okay in small doses. Have you ever eaten snow? Yeah. Do you talk to your pets? Um, duh. Have you ever adopted a stray? (Cat or dog?) Cats, yes. Do you read about any mythology? (Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian, etc) No, not by my own will. I DO love mythology, I just... don't read it. Do you ever use bath bombs? No. Have you ever gotten angry at an employee and complained to the manager? No. Have you ever sent your food back at a restaurant? Yes, because they got my meal wrong. I was REALLY shy to do it, but I made sure to do it politely and apologetically. Do you sleep in a bra? What mad lad sleeps in a bra???????????? Has your ex ever gone out with someone close to you? No. Can you suggest someone funny on YouTube? I'll go for someone what isn't my obvious vote, ha ha. There are truly so many, but Garrett Watts is high on the list. Elena Bateman, too. Can you do a handstand? No. Has anyone close to you ever been suicidal? Yes. Have you ever broken someone's heart and didn't care? Tyler sure acted like I did, and to be entirely frank, I didn't care very much, but only because it was a HUGE overreaction and I knew he'd be fine quick. What color is your hairbrush? It's just a white comb. Who was your most recent call from? My psychiatrist. Have you ever watched someone die? Only animals... It's the absolute worst. Are you currently "seeing" someone? No. Are you friends with someone who's autistic? I might be, but I know my niece is on the spectrum. Do you like humans? To be entirely transparent... I think I wish humans were never a thing. We've done so, so much harm to the planet, some things irrevocable. Earth would be a much healthier, far more peaceful place if we'd never existed. Do you like pandas? I love pandas. P.S., fuck outta here if you're one of the people who don't support conservation efforts for them. That shit blows my mind. What do you think of Evanescence? They're great. Amy's voice is absolutely incredible. I don't even think that's an opinion, but global fact, ha ha. What do you think of Avenged Sevenfold? I like some of their stuff. I haven't heard a whole lot though, honestly. What do you think of Halestorm? ^ Do you think you are attractive? God no. I don't see me as an attractive person at all. Do you like dinosaurs? I love 'em; I was OBSESSED as a kid, and my first aspired job was a paleontologist. Do you like lasagna? No. Do you share a room? No. When was the last time you climbed a tree? Never, actually. Have you ever been hospitalized for more than 2 weeks? I think my longest was three. What can you do that none of your friends can do? I dunno. Why did you last go to the airport? Mom and I were dropping Sara off so she could go home. Who was the last person to see you in your underwear? My mom. Who’s the most attractive female you’ve ever seen? Maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy? Or my friend Alon. I'm certain there's more, because women are just so fuckin beautiful asdkfajlwejkrjqwe Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? I actually like the original, rich red. Do you think someone would ever want to marry you? Well, two people have, but one absolutely doesn't anymore and the other knows that it's not healthy or emotionally safe for either of us to imagine that at this time. I don't know if anyone ever will again. Do you like Thanksgiving? No. Like I enjoy the focus on thankfulness, but the history isn't right and I don't enjoy the food. Do you ever wear colored eye liner? No. Have you ever used a darkroom? No. Have you ever been "popular"? No. Has someone ever tried to convert you? Yes. Have you ever been told that you dress like a slut? No, not that how someone dresses has any relevance to their sexual activity. What’s your most recent obsession? Final Fantasy X jfccccccc. Video games or board games? The former. Are you scared of tarantulas? As much as I talk about them... you can probably tell I have a massive interest in them, ha ha. However, even though I love them, they're still sorta scary. Like, threat poses are no joke. And it's terrifying on the very rare occasion they hiss. During Covid, do you wear a mask or no mask? I'm fully vaccinated, and yet I still wear a mask because I'm a considerate human fucking being. Do you have a PlayStation 4? No, but I reeeeaaally want one. :/ Have you ever played Fortnite? Nah, not my type of game. Do you like anime? Yeah. Have you ever been on a boat? Yeah. I was always SO excited as a kid when Dad would take the boat out for a fishing trip. Have you ever played Kingdom Hearts? I've played some of it with Jason. I wasn't a fan of it. Have you ever built a snowman? Yes. DC or Marvel? I don't really have a preference.

----------

Do you prefer your nails long or short? Why? Short, because I can't keep my nails long for the life of me. I pick/peel my nails badly. Do you have any vinyl records? No. Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Have you ever visited any celebrity gravesites? No. How do you feel about archaeology? It's extremely fascinating. Would you have a big cat (like a tiger) for a pet if you could? No. I could never provide the environment they need, and it's simply not safe. They are not domestic animals, and even the ones that seem most tame can surprise you. What are your favorite smells? Cinnamon rolls, coffee, lilac, fresh baked bread, barbecue, etc. Have you ever had to block people online for harassing you? I'm not sure, actually... What is your favorite thing to do on The Sims? Surveys have a lot of questions about those games... I only ever played the ones that focused on animals, and I think I most enjoyed breeding them and naming the bbz. :^) And watching their behavior. Which hair color you've had has been your favorite? Red. If you were stupid-rich, would you ever actually want a mansion? No. I do not need all that room, nor am I wasting my money on such excessive space. What drinking games have you played? None. Do you take lessons for anything? No. Has something really heavy ever fallen on you? No. If you wear makeup, what colors do you usually wear? Only black. Does your shower have curtains or a glass door/wall? Curtains. If you have more than one pet, do they ever get jealous of each other? One is a snake and the other is a cat, so. Is there a room in your house that you don’t like going in? No. Besides salt and butter, do you put anything on your popcorn? Nothing besides what you mentioned. Are you lonely? I'm way too lonely for it to be healthy. Do you like pineapple? Yep. Have you ever seen fireflies? Yes; they're endemic to here. Have you ever trespassed? As a kid, yes. Do you raise your hand or participate in class? I did sometimes. Are you afraid of heights? Yes. Are you afraid of the dark? No. Would you ever be your school’s mascot who wears that costume? No. Have you ever written a poem? I've written a lot. Would you ever be a tornado chaser? FUCK TO THE HELL NO. What is your favorite thing to eat with bbq sauce, if you even like that stuff? I hate bbq sauce. Have you ever had to do a class in summer school? No. Have you ever been to the rainforest? No. Ever thought about writing a book? Yes. Have you ever had a dream where you killed someone? Yes. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Nope. Have you seen all of the Jaws movies? No, only the first one with Tyler. It was aight. Have you ever had a black eye? No. Is your ex sexually attractive to you still? I haven't seen a picture of Jason in years, and I don't want to. Not because I care about how he looks now, it'd just be extremely triggering to see his face. I still find Sara gorgeous. Have you ever been to couple’s counseling? No. How often does your employer ask you to work overtime? N/A When was the last time you were scared? Ummmm I really can't say I know. What’s your favorite song by Rihanna? "Disturbia" is where it's AT. There's this synthwave edit of it that I positively adore. Can you speak binary? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? A family pet, yes. Do you like boys with long hair? UGH yes. Do you like root beer? Not really, no. Do you like ice cream cake? Not really. Do you ever dream of yourself dying? That's not all that rare in my nightmares. What song always makes you sad? I think two songs are tied for what makes me most sad: "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin and "Eternally Yours" by Motionless In White. Were you mean as a little kid? No; I was a sweet kid. Have you ever tried spam? No, it looks SO gross to me. How fast can you run? This is pathetic, but I don't think I CAN run. My knees are too weak. I think my weight coming down on them would just make me crumple over. Have you ever bought something from Spencer's? Yeah. Have you ever been on a diet? I've tried diets many times. Do you prefer light or dark jeans? Dark. When you listen to music, do you generally sing along, or just listen? I almost always just listen. Do you have any of your exes as friends on Facebook? Yeah. Who was your first love? Do you ever miss that person? Jason. I miss his memory every day. I say "memory" because it's been years, and I have no way of knowing who he is today. How many cars are parked at your house right now? One. Has anyone ever told you you’re a control freak? No. Do you know anyone who has gone missing? If so, were they ever found? Not personally. What was the spiciest thing you’ve ever eaten? Some wings with extremely hot sauce at Buffalo Wild Wings. Have you ever deliberately tried to get someone drunk? Um yeah, no. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? No. I don't like sprinkles in general. Do you know how to do the moon walk? No. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yes, somehow. Onion rings or french fries? French fries, for sure. Who is the best cook that you know? Dunno. If you have your ears pierced, when did you get them pierced? When I was a kid. I don't remember the age, but I was old enough to decide myself that I wanted them pierced. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? They have their own places now. Do you like fried rice? Yessss. Are there any animals you refuse to touch? Some bugs. Have you ever intentionally fed a house spider? I don't believe so, no. What makes you feel lucky? That I have the family I do. What is something nice going on in your life right now? Just the gym-going, really... Who’s the worst person you’ve encountered on the Internet? An old friend I just knew as Shakes. If death wasn’t a consequence, what would you try? Maybe sky-diving, idk. Has a teacher ever told you off? No. Have you ever told off a teacher? No. Do/did you take school seriously or not? I certainly did. How do you usually cope with breakups? Not well. I obsess over how something's wrong with me and I'm not good enough for anyone. Disney princess or Disney animal movies? Animals, for sure. What's your favorite Katy Perry song? It's evading me right now... Have you ever made/tried friendship bread!? Omg, I forgot that was a thing! I actually have. I've completely forgotten the gist of it or even how it tastes, but I remember I loved it. What do you want to know about the future? If I'll ever be content and happy. What's your biggest insecurity? My weight. Ever found something disgusting in your food while eating out? No, thank god. Does the area where you live have a good or bad reputation? A very bad one. Are there any holidays that you don't celebrate? Yeah, like St. Patrick's Day, among some others. If you could find out who you're gonna marry right now, would you? Yes. Save myself time and heartbreak. How important is it to you that your partner has the same religious views? I wouldn't date someone very religious. If they're more tame about it, that's fine, but I'd prefer to not date a religious individual. Do you own a Wii? Yeah. I've kinda been wanting to play Guitar Hero or Rock Band lately on it... Do you like a lot of cheese on your pizza? "A regular, reasonable amount of cheese." <<<< This. I really don't like when things are so cheesy that it leaves a ridiculous trail when you try to separate pieces. Have you ever been made fun of because of your sexuality? Not directly to my face, but I can guarantee people I know had certain ~opinions~ on it when I came out. I also like just came out as pansexual versus bi, and I'm not even telling a lot of people in my personal life because I know they'll find the concept absolutely ridiculous. What would you do if you found an abandoned animal? "Depends on what type of an animal it was, and whether it was friendly or skittish." <<<< This. I'm obviously not going to try to usher a rabid dog over to me (I'd call a rescue or something if the animal appeared potentially dangerous), but if the animal appeared safe, my heart would absolutely lead me to try and get the animal to come to me so I could take it home and try to find the owner. Have you ever kissed someone who had a tongue piercing? No. What singer/band do you think deserves to be more famous than they are? Jonathan Young from YouTube. He is INCREDIBLE. He deserves to be picked up by a label so badly. What is your favorite PlayStation 1 game? The original Silent Hill, no competition. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers? I really can't imagine someone pretending to want to fuck their car for attention. I don't get it AT ALL, and it's weird as shit to me, but I mean, I don't think people can control what they're attracted to. How far out of your age bracket would you date? 21-early 30s, probs. Have you ever had an STD? No. Have you ever tried pho? No. Pick one: Crash Bandicoot or Spyro? Spyro!!!! I have the original trilogies of both series, but Spyro is where it's AT. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? I'm unemployed, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't, honestly. If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it? Maybe like a galaxy-esque mixture of layered colors. I've wanted that for YEARS. Have you ever known a white supremacist? This region is swimming in them. Have you ever spoken to a detective before? No. Do ladders scare you? Climbing them does, yes. Do you have any tattoos on your arms? Yeah. Have you ever thrown up on anybody? Unless I did unknowingly as a baby, no. How many people have you turned down when they asked you out? Uhhh two or three, maybe? What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? I actually haven't tried enough to have an educated favorite, but I can say I love peach. Do you hear any other people talking right now? I'm watching a let's player play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, so I hear her, obviously. When was the last time you started a new medication? It's been a while, idk. What is your favourite type of nut? Cashews, I guess. I don't really like nuts, but I definitely like cashew bars. Where did you eat the best pizza you’ve ever eaten in your life? ... Domino's lmaoooo. Did you ever watch The Rugrats when you were a kid? Yeah, I loved that show. I even had two video games. Do you know anyone who was adopted? Yes. Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No. Can you tie balloons? I can't, actually. Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? Yeah. I wanted Sara's advice on something I'm dealing with. On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? One of my sisters' was yesterday, actually. What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? I had Special K cereal. Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Strawberries, apples, bananas, (sometimes) broccoli, other things that aren't coming to me. Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My friend Girt. What flavor was the last cupcake you ate? The cupcake itself was chocolate, and the icing was uhhhh... blue? Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? I haven't done anything of note. I'm probably going to bed soon. What’s the age difference between your parents? Two years, I think. When was the last time you ate an apple? Today. I have been on a big sliced apples w/ peanut butter kick lately. Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? I have soda every day. :x Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Mom brought me a Reese's home today when she went out with a friend. How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Three. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Poems, yes. Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Not very much physically. Emotionally... I don't know. Do you have any ice cream in your freezer? What flavor is it? No. Ice cream is my #1 comfort food, so that's a big "keep out of the house."

[phobiadeficient]

SpeedingBullet but make scout completely oblivious for way too long

“so we both have buckets of fried chicken, you wanna do it?” ass bitch over here can’t even spell subtlety let alone understand it so good fuckin luck with that crush sniper

-

Scout’s pickup lines generally consisted of walking up to someone attractive, looking around to make sure they were alone enough to not be overheard, and asking them if they either wanted to go out or wanted to have sex depending on his mood.

So Sniper was pretty sure that wooing Scout wasn’t exactly necessary, but Sniper also generally tried to hold himself to a standard regardless of “necessity”. So he decided to go about it the right way anyways.

One day when he was hanging out in the base for once, Scout ducked into the common room and asked if anyone wanted to go with him to get something “real” to eat. Sniper volunteered. That started a weekly routine of them going off-base every Saturday to get tacos together at the nearest place that sold them, half an hour away.

For Scout’s birthday, Sniper got him a present—a record player, so he wouldn’t constantly need to argue with Heavy and Demo about whose turn it was to play music in the common room. One week, Scout got the flu, and Medic basically quarantined him off so he wouldn’t spread it to the rest of the team. Sniper spent an afternoon digging up the recipe for soup that he had from back home, making enough that Scout wouldn’t need to cook anything for himself for the next week or so until he was allowed at team dinners again, bringing the first serving of it to him and hanging out with the kid even though he knew he might get sick, and on Saturday he specifically called in a favor with Pyro and had them cook tacos so he could bring them by. The team went out drinking one weekend, and he and Scout sat together practically the whole night. When most of the team decided to finally head out, Sniper waved them off and offered to drive himself and Scout back later, promising not to drink too much. Scout expressed an interest in getting up and dancing when one of his favorite songs came up on the radio, and somehow Sniper roped himself into dancing with Scout for long enough that the next morning his legs were sore.

Scout didn’t seem to think anything of it. He stepped up his game.

He asked Scout if he wanted to go out and get coffee at some point. Scout told him he didn’t like coffee, it messed with his stomach, and that energy drinks were totally where it’s at. He asked if Scout wanted to get dinner. Scout agreed that wow it really had gotten late, it was dinner time already, they better hurry up before the rest of the team inhaled the meal.

He asked if Scout wanted to go on a date.

Scout said, man, like you wouldn’t believe! But lately whenever he hit on people they didn’t seem to ever catch on. He asked Sniper if he knew what that was like.

Sniper said, yes. He knew that feeling intimately.

He got tired of it. It had been nearly five months of subtle hints, gentle pushes, pointed questions. A whole five months of light flirting, compliments, Sniper paying for their food and Sniper carving out all of his free time and Sniper constantly, constantly setting himself up and never finding any payoff for it. It was the worst kind of edging.

And yes, he very much wanted to just hop into bed with Scout. But he also very much wanted to date Scout, it would seem. Yes he wanted to situate his body between Scout‘s heavily muscled thighs and drive him absolutely insane. But also he wanted to kiss Scout hello in the morning.

He’d gotten sappy. God damn it. Now it would hurt a lot worse if Scout rejected him. But he couldn’t find it in himself to even be scared of that, because he’d been on an almost seven month dry spell by then, not wanting to be so much of an asshole to go for several people at once without their knowledge, so he was mostly just concerned with getting a yes or no answer so he could move forward in one direction or another.

It was Valentine’s Day. It was after work. He showered, unpacked his nice suit that he sometimes used when he had to go out on contract, bought a bouquet, and marched himself directly through the base to Scout’s room and hammered his fist on the door.

Scout opened the door.

“Do you, Scout,” Sniper asked, “want to go out on a date, romantically, with me, Sniper, tonight on this Valentine’s Day? Please?”

Silence for two seconds. “Oh, fuck. That was flirting, wasn’t it?” Scout asked, apparently coming to a series of realizations.

“Yes. It was. For about five months for what it’s worth.”

“Since we started Taco Days?” Scout asked, eyes widening.

“Since a bit before, yes.”

“Oh god. Oh fuck. Shit, I’m so sorry.”

Sniper felt his heart sink, some of the determination seeping out of his shoulders. “Is that a no?” he asked, a bit less firmly now.

“No, yes, I—no it’s not a no, yes I wanna date you,” Scout clarified quickly. “Uh. Fuck. Shit. Where?”

“Anywhere,” Sniper shrugged. “But the taco place is open. They have a special for couples tonight.”

“You wanna be couples?” Scout asked, a little surprised.

“Ideally.”

Scout thought about it for a second. “I mean, yeah, sure! Okay! Or, I dunno, first date and then if it goes well—shit, Taco Day has been a date hasn’t it? Uh. First romantic date—not that it’s not romantic—“

“Look, it’s already almost six and they’re closing at ten,” Sniper cut in.

“Yeah, I’ll get changed,” Scout agreed quickly, moving to shut the door before catching himself and taking the flowers first, clearly shocked by the entirety of the proceedings. “Fuck. I’m real fuckin’ stupid, huh Snipes?”

“You’re lucky it’s cute,” Sniper deadpanned. “Meet me outside in twenty?”

“Thirty, I gotta shower,” Scout replied, dragging a hand up through his hair self-consciously. “But yeah. Yeah, I’ll see you there.”

“Yeah,” Sniper nodded.

-

The date went fine. The drive over was weirdly quiet, and Scout fidgeted with the radio a lot more, drummed his fingers against his own leg, the same way he sometimes did before confessing that something was bothering him—nerves about the new niece he had on the way, or annoyance about some bullshit that one of the team had said to him, or guilt about some prank gone awry that he hadn’t confessed to. But he didn’t speak, just fiddling, drumming.

Then tacos were basically business as usual. Scout made a joke about what dummies they were, eating tacos in suits, how they were for sure gonna end up with sauce on their nice white shirts, and Sniper laughed, and they didn’t.

Halfway through, Scout started asking questions.

“So dudes, huh? That why you’d never say anything when I started goin’ off about some girl?”

“And jealously, but yeah, that too,” Sniper admitted. He was glad he’d elected to keep his shades on. They helped hide the fact that he was bad at eye contact at the best of times.

“I kinda thought it was because you had a girlfriend or a wife off somewhere that you never wanted to talk about, like how Spy’s a prick about that stuff. I mean, you don’t, right? Have a girl somewhere?”

“No. And not a bloke either, for what it’s worth,” Sniper replied.

“Okay. Cool. Good.” Scout fidgeted with a napkin, took a drink of water. “I mean, didn’t think you’re the type for that anyways, but… yeah.”

Sniper took a drink of his own water. Silence for a moment.

“And you kinda wanna just—you wanna do boyfriend stuff? With me?” Scout asked, confused, as if some part of the proceedings didn’t make sense to him.

“Feels a bit like I already do,” Sniper pointed out.

“I mean, not all the boyfriend stuff,” Scout mumbled, eyes back on his napkin. “I dunno. Maybe it’ll be nice though.”

“What sorts of “boyfriend stuff” have I missed so far that you’d like to see more of?” Sniper asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Like, talkin’ about yourself more. You’re like, practically my therapist.”

“The complaining to me, you mean?”

“Yeah. And you barely ever complain back. Unless you’re agreeing with me that Spy’s a prick.” Scout looked up, baby blues trying to meet his eyes through his glasses. “I wanna hear more about you.”

Sniper couldn’t help but smile a little at that. “Alright. I can try. Besides that?”

Scout looked away, face going a bit red as the silence progressed. He glanced around their vicinity for a second, barely managing to meet Sniper’s gaze before he had to break it again. “C’mon man, you’re gonna make me say it?” he said quietly.

“Five months.”

“Fine, sheesh, I…” He ducked his head a little. “Maybe… kissing and all that crap.”

Sniper raised an eyebrow at him. Scout scowled when he glanced up and saw it.

“Look, I ain’t ever done this with a guy before, alright?” he said defensively, and he’d sunk pretty far by then down into his seat. “I dunno what the hell I’m doin’.”

“We can take it slow if you want,” Sniper suggested, feeling a little bad.

“I didn’t say that, I’m just tellin’ you I’m gonna be a total idiot,” Scout muttered.

“Oh? What all would you like to jump right into then?”

“I’m not sayin’ it in public, that’s all I’m gonna tell you,” Scout said stubbornly, and Sniper laughed, and allowed him to change the subject to something else.

Scout paid the tab, saying it was his turn anyways, As usual, Sniper drove them to the taco place and Scout was the one to drive them back. Conversation was limited, both of them relaxed and satisfied.

Scout surprised him by pulling off the route they took back to instead park them at one of those roadside tourist-y areas where people could stop and stretch their legs on road trips and take photos and read a plaque. It was empty, of course it was, and the second Scout had the car in park and the keys out of it, dropped onto the dashboard, he promptly jumped the gearshift and landed himself in Sniper’s lap.

“Okay,” Scout opened with. “So here’s the thing.”

“Right?” Sniper replied hesitantly, hands on Scout’s waist, glancing him up and down.

“So like, me about guys, that’s usually secondary to the girls thing. Because girls are great. Usually it’s only really hot guys who I’d go for. And I guess I kinda more thought about you as a coworker mostly for a long time, right? Because you were. But then, I dunno, at some point I guess it clicked a little, right? That you’re hot.”

Sniper grinned. “Yeah? What is it, which part?” he asked.

“Stubble’s a big one,” Scout admitted. “And you know how to handle your gun crazy well, and can totally fuck a guy up with your knife. It’s real hot. And you’ve got these shoulders, and like… a lot of things basically,” Scout concluded, hands finding the shoulders in question. “And just, man. You look fuckin’ good in a suit. And I just wanna… I don’t even know what. I wanna do somethin’ to you.”

“Kissing’ as good start,” Sniper suggested, and Scout needed no further prompting, leaning in and spending exactly five seconds kissing Sniper like a good Christian boy before he promptly got filthy with it, pulling tricks with his tongue that made Sniper groan.

He broke away again, breathless. “Hate to take this off since you like it so much,” he admitted, tugging at his own tie pointedly.

“Well I fuckin’ know I wanna do that to you,” Scout said, and started working Sniper’s suit jacket off of him.

Scout mostly moved to toss the components of Sniper’s suit into the back seat carelessly, stripping him to his undershirt before he helped Sniper get off his own dress shirt. He managed to get his own pants undone before he apparently got impatient, nipping at Sniper’s freshly exposed collarbones with those rabbitish teeth of his, making Sniper’s hands fumble where he was at work on his own belt.

“Have an idea enough about how this works to know how you’d like to do this?” Sniper asked, a rumble into his ear that made Scout shiver.

“I dunno, just touch my dick, fuck,” Scout said impatiently, and got back to work marking up Sniper’s neck like he was getting paid, starting to grind down into him. Sniper was distantly aware of the fact that the windows were starting to fog.

The fact that he suddenly realized he didn’t actually have any lube or condoms on him, having assumed they’d get back at least to base before they started making out like horny teenagers, meant that their options were limited, but Sniper wasn’t that worried about it. He just got to work trying to worm Scout’s pants down his thighs, working with the rhythm of rolls that he’d established. He got a bit impatient, grabbing around the back of Scout’s thighs with both hands to lift him up enough to work his own pants down past his knees before letting him back down again, a moan startled out of him as Scout promptly grinded against him, making a similar noise.

“Hold on,” Sniper grunted, stopping Scout with a hand on his hip, raising the other to his own face to spit in it once, twice, before lowering it to slick both Scout and himself, and then he was wrapping a hand around them both as best he could and starting to jerk.

Scout’s reaction was immediate, starting to roll his hips into the wet, slick grip, eyelashes fluttering and mouth falling open around gasps, the first silent and every one after that satisfied.

“C’mon,” Sniper prompted, nosing in just below his chin and kissing his throat briefly. “Help me out with this. Get your hand wet—yeah, there you go—now c’mon, right here. Good. God, yeah, like that. There’s a beauty.”

Scout used his free hand to wrap around Sniper’s shoulder to pull him close, mashing their lips together gracelessly but enthusiastically. Sniper’s free hand moved at first to grip at Scout’s ass, satisfied at the fact that he could now do so, then eventually to toy with Scout’s chest, pinching at one nipple and then the other, wringing all sorts of noises from Scout’s mouth and into his own and enjoying every second of it.

He felt Scout getting close quicker than he did, and tried to make up for the distance by starting to also roll his hips up into his fist, a steady roll that made him groan and pinch harder, grip just slightly tighter. He was distantly aware of the fog that clung to the windows, of the sweat on his own forehead and Scout’s chest beneath his hand, of the squeak of the car’s suspension as they rocked it, but mostly he just focused on the mounting pleasure.

Scout keened against his mouth, gasping damply against him as he stalled out, hips jerking and struggling. He opened his eyes, and the flush on his face, the redness of his lips wound wide around further noises of pleasure, the final gasp of “Fuck, Snipes,” that Scout managed to whimper, the feeling of Scout’s hand shifting to simply hold on to him instead of both of them, it had him finishing within a few strokes, his own noise much quieter.

In a few minutes, they’d start laughing at the cliche of fucking in a car, start struggling to clean up and get to their own clothes, start talking about how next time Sniper would show him how real fucking worked, about how they’d flip a coin to pick who’d be on top the first time.

Until then, they kissed, and at least in the afterglow, Sniper figured the five months were worth it. Just barely.

[forestfanders]

Birds of a feather - pt 2 Playing chicken

A long list of injuries on the page, and a longer list of potential responses to their trauma. Working out how to treat the pair of tiny humanoid avians was going to be a challenge, but it is one Logan and Patton are determined to meet.

Pt 2: Roman tests the boundaries of this new place.

whump, hurt/comfort and dehumanisation <3 wingfic

tw: animal abuse, mention of burns and neglect, food, bad relationship with food, elective mutism, panic/dissociation attacks

AO3 link

Chapter 1 (and now #BofaF

-----

Roman huddled miserably in the corner of the cage, his emo compatriot quaking beside him as footsteps clicked in in the corridor.

Since he had woken up the first time, there had been several humans in to check on them, but none had opened the cage door, or got angry when Roman was unable to find the courage to speak to answer their soft questions. He had not yet seen their owners, but he was sure they would be angry when they came back.

The door to the small room swung open, and Roman caught a glimpse of two men. But instead of going to their cage, the pair moved off to look into another cage across the room from them. Roman let out a silent sigh of relief.

“Hello bunny rabbits!” Light blue jumper kept his voice soft, “My name is Patton.”

Bespectacled vet spoke up next, “My name is Logan.”

“They are very beautiful rabbits, Logan,” Patton spoke simply. Roman listened carefully.

“Ted Bunndy here was a little sick, and his friend has come with him to keep him company while he gets better. We never split up friends.”

“It is very important for them to stay together isn’t it?”

“Yes.” Logan spoke woodenly, “Good friends make you feel safe. And we want them to feel safe here.”

Dark-and-Stormy crushed himself into Roman’s side, and nervously rearranged his feathers.

“They have a lot of food there! Is that all for them?” Patton smiled sideways at Logan.

“All of the food in the cage is for them. They have to eat a lot to get better. It took a while for Ted to start eating again, but now he is, we are all very proud of him.”

Roman eyed the bowl of mixed foodstuffs in his own cage. He and Dark-and-Stormy had raided the bowl for a few bits and pieces, but not enough for it to look like anything had been taken. He knew from his old home that that was the safest way. But they weren’t at home anymore. Perhaps, if the food was there for them as it was for the rabbits, they could take a little more.

The vets that had come to check in on them earlier had also told him to eat, but he was never sure if they were trying to trick him or not.

The humans moved on, saying a couple of kind words to some of the other sick animals in the room. They told them they were there to help, that they should eat and get strong, and that they should sleep lots till they felt better.

Roman knew that the other animals probably couldn’t understand the human’s words, but he could, and they ignited a kernel of hope in his chest. Even Anxiety had come off high alert, shifting from eye-glazed stillness into the repetitive anxious movement of smoothing down his feathers.

“Hello you two.” Patton was in front of their cage, “It is nice to meet you!” His voice was soft, but he sounded genuinely enthusiastic. “My name is Patton, and this is Logan.”

Roman’s heart stuttered. Was Patton expecting him to speak? He could get in trouble if he spoke when he wasn’t meant to. But these people, they were softly spoken, maybe it would be fine…

Hesitantly, Roman raised a hand to give a little wave. His action was rewarded by Patton’s beaming smile.

“Hi there.” Patton waved back, and gave Logan a soft nudge.

“It is a pleasure to meet you both” Logan’s voice was pleasantly deep. He also gave a little wave, but had a faintly awkward air about him.

“Logan is one of the vets here. He looks after everyone who is hurt.” Patton gestured minutely towards Roman’s chest, “He put those bandages on you. They will help you to get better and stop your injuries hurting and getting dirty, so it is super important you don’t try to pull them off. Is that alright? Thumbs up if it is, thumbs down if not.”

Roman gave a thumbs up without even thinking of the ramifications. Patton leaked a pleased smile. The emo nightmare shifted slightly to slip his hand into Roman’s. They listened carefully for more instructions.

“Good job kiddos!” Patton praised. Roman was doing a good job! Roman wanted to do a good job. “Good job…” Patton cocked his head as though trying to remember something, “What are your names?”

Roman tried to ride the wave of confidence Patton’s praise had given him, but still the words died in his throat… his owners had called him many things, which name did they want him to say? He personally preferred Roman, a name from a game of make-believe he had played many years ago.

“Your paperwork called you ‘Princey,’” Logan’s soft voice cut through Roman’s spiralling thoughts, “Can you give us a thumbs up if you are happy to go by Princey, thumbs down if you want to go by something else.” His voice was deep and grounding.

Roman raised a thumbs up. He could go by that. It wasn’t his name, but he could go by that.

“Good job Princey. And if you decide you want to change what we call you, you can tell us anytime.” Logan smiled, and Roman felt hope rise in his chest fiercely. These humans didn’t force him to speak, and might even respect his name. He squeezed Anxiety’s hand, and received a small squeeze in return.

“And do you have a name kiddo?” Patton asked kindly, his gaze focused on Dark-and-Stormy’s feet. He froze up completely, what little calm he had had vanquished by the direct question.

If Anxiety had a name, not even Roman knew what it was. While Roman had the voice to tell his emo compatriot his name, Panic!AtTheEverywhere had never spoken, not to humans, and not to Roman.

“They used to call you Anxiety.” Logan spoke again, and a pained expression flitted across Patton’s face. At the sound of the nickname, Dark-and-Stormy nodded frantically, starting to shake in his effort to answer the question non-verbally.

“Ok, we can call you that for now. I can see speaking a little too much today, which is absolutely fine. We can sort it out later, don’t worry.” Patton gave another smile. Anxiety stopped shaking, and seemed to zone back in, his hand clammy in Roman’s own.

“Ok kiddos. I know things must be very different from before, so I just want to explain what is going on.” Patton smiled reassuringly. “You are both here now because your old owners can't look after you anymore, so you are going to be living with us at the centre for a while. Lots of pets come here for help when they are sick or if their owners are bad to them. So we are going to try to make you feel welcome here.”

Logan nodded in agreement.

“First off, I see you have a plenty of food in your bowl.” Patton turned slightly to Logan.

“They have some pieces of chicken in there, and peanuts, and some spinach. Lots of energy rich food to help you heal and put some weight back on.”

“That is really great Logan! And how much do they need to eat?” Patton focused on Logan. Roman was glad that the humans weren't staring in his direction so much anymore.

“It would be very good if they can eat most of that by this evening. And we will come along to top it up before night, so there is no need to ration.”

All that by night! And then more food after it! Roman’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. He had limited himself to only a few unnoticeable pieces earlier, but if they were actually allowed to take it, nay, encouraged to take it…

Once upon a time, their owners had fed them. Back when Roman had tried to be a good pet, play along being the prince in the kid’s stories. But after a while his owners had got bored of them. They had forgotten to feed them, and had often got mad when Roman had begged for food. Didn’t stop him from trying -that was why he had so many more scars than the Emo Nightmare- but he also learned that even when they offered food, sometimes it was a trick, and they would wheel away, leaking sloppy laughter, their pupils barely pinpricks as they flicked a cigarette into his feathers. The last week had been particularly bad, and even though these humans seemed nothing like his owners, the fear still curdled in his gut.

There was a very simple way to see if Patton and Logan’s words were true.

Roman patted Anxiety's hand, their gesture of ‘I’ll be right back.’ The Emo Nightmare stared right back and held on tighter, ‘Are you crazy?’ painted across his features. ‘I need to.’ Roman said in that silent language that they had relied upon in the house of fear where nothing could be relied upon but each other. Anxiety’s grip went lax, and his eyes vacant. He did that sometimes when he was scared. And though Roman didn’t want his friend to be scared, this was something he had to be sure of, or he too would drown in the uncertainty of What Was and Was Not Allowed.

Roman took a deep breath and stepped forwards.

The humans watched him. Patton’s head was tilted curiously, and Logan was looking sideways at him. They did nothing to curb his audacity.

He reached the bowl, gripping the ceramic edge.

“That’s right kiddo, you can eat anything you want.” Patton’s voice was soft. He seemed to know that Roman’s confidence was on a knife point.

Roman picked up a cube of chicken and held it up questioningly.

“A nice piece of chicken. It’s for you.” Patton spoke again, allowing, encouraging.

Roman took the tiniest bite, chewed slowly, and managed to swallow the morsel despite his throat feeling like it was closing up.

“Good lad,” Patton was soft, so soft, “I think we will leave you two to your lunch now. Eat up, and get a plenty of rest. You are safe here.”

And they left him alone.

Roman dropped to his knees, hugging the piece of chicken. His sobs of relief and tentative hope were as silent as all the tears he had shed in the hellhouse. Within a moment, Dark-and-Stormy was enveloping him in touches, trailing hands through his hair and feathers.

They spent some time passing the chicken between them, ripping off bite size chunks, and it felt like the best food they had ever had. It was even better than the same meat they had sneakily taken from the bowl earlier, as this chicken was seasoned with hope for many peaceful meals in the future. And when it was finished, Roman keeled forwards into his friend’s embrace.

Later, they would eat more. And even later Roman would test the boundaries yet again, see if he could speak and sing and play and live.

But for now, he let himself sleep.

###

so I think i posted this chapter to tumblr a while back, but not even i can find it on my mess of a blog XD ... but that just means chapter 3 will be hot on it’s heels!

very lonely tag list <3

masterlist  next chapter 

@kieraelieson

[aleapoffaithfiction]

VII.

"You learned to run from what you feel, and that's why you have nightmares. To deny is to invite madness. To accept is to control." ― Megan Chance

“See, Jesus was crucified, just for me.”

While leaning over to the side, I slyly slid another piece of my usual Mentos Pure Fresh “Fresh Mint” flavored gum into my mouth and sighed in relief at the immediate jolt of energy I felt as my teeth broke its round shape apart and the flavoring hit my taste buds. I had to sneak it, because like the child she often thinks that I am, but mother would have held out her gloved hand and viciously eyed me until I defeatedly spit it. According to her, it’s not ladylike to chew gum and especially in church, but I’m going to chew it regardless and I doubt God is concerned with that minuscule vice in my life.

“Give me a piece.” Celeste leaned over and whispered in my ear as she held her hand out and I dropped the bottle into her lap. She didn’t have as much of a chance of being caught as I did because I was sitting in the middle of both she and mommy.

We’re members of Emmanuel Baptist Church over on Lafayette Avenue. It’s right on the corner of St. James Place in the Clinton Hill section of Brooklyn and is under the leadership of Reverend Anthony L. Trufant and his wife Muriel. We’ve been fellows of this church for as long as I can remember and my mother is a good friend of the family; as was my father when he was living. There was even a point in time when I had somewhat of a friendship with their daughters but it was short lived because in my younger years I had far less of a tolerance for people who I cannot relate to. Celeste and I were baptized in this church, daddy’s memorial was here, and Celeste wed her now husband Preston here two years ago. Though I dreaded it, we used to come here every Sunday bright and early so that I wouldn’t miss Sunday school. I was in the youth group for a while but eventually bailed out on having to attend it because I heavily got into sports.

Every holiday season, I was forced to participate in the Christmas Nativity play, where I would play Mary no matter how much I wanted to be one of the Three Wise Men. I met the first guy I would have a crush on here, though it lasted all of a week. I was even apart of the choir for a short run and I’m not even sure why, because I’m no vocal powerhouse. I’m not even a vocal power shed if you let me tell it. Despite my lessening attendance over these last couple of years, I still consider this place to be my church home and it is where I will come back to until further notice.

“Sing it.” I glanced over at my mother as she raised a hand in response to Lucinda Moore’s voice. After days of calling and convincing me to come to Saturday night’s service simply for this concert, I finally agreed for the sake of appeasing her and I can’t say that I’m mad at it. Lucinda can sing from the depths of her gut and never fails to take a praise moment to its highest peak. She’s been in between singing and preaching for about an hour now with a sermon that calls for us all to “meet God all the way” because half-way isn’t going to cut it for anything that we do in life.

“Look at Mr. Weston.” As Lucinda continued to belt her way through “The Old Rugged Cross”, my eyes followed the direction of Celeste’s head and I instantly snickered at the sight of the older man ogling over my mother and her glimmering chocolate skin. Mr. Weston’s been trying his hardest to take my mother’s hand in marriage and yet she won’t even give him enough attention for him to take her out on a Saturday night date. I don’t think it’s her internal yearning for daddy that causes it.

Mr. Weston doesn’t even have finesse within his aging bones to woo her into sitting next to him during Sunday service. Then again, it might be the trifling aspects of who he is. When he received the phone call that his wife had been rushed to the hospital after having a sudden heart attack, he’d been out with his mistress and had the audacity to drive over to the hospital with the mistress still in the car with him. Mrs. Weston passed away that day, but every damn body sat up in here side eying the hell out of him as he wailed over her during the funeral. If it’s up to me, he’ll never date my mother because of all of that nonsense.

Mrs. Williams is the one who wants him. Or is it Mrs. Davis? Maybe Mrs. Wright? I lost count after the third husband. And then there’s her sister Denise who is about the most judgmental person I know. The woman has something to say about everyone’s kids except her own, especially her daughter Tiffany, who has made it her business and life’s mission to snag a baller. She may have secured a couple of hotel stays for some middle of the night fun, but a ring? Not even a Ring Pop. Church is where you’ll find the most hypocrisy but I suppose it makes perfect sense why that is.

“We should grab a bite to eat at The Food Sermon after this.” I’m all for healthy eating but there are just certain dishes that I’m not having in a healthy manner and Caribbean food is that. I’ll be damned if I eat pan seared jerked tofu as a jerk chicken substitute. Celeste and Preston are suddenly super obsessive with their newly started vegan lifestyle and I’m not joining them. It’ll probably be temporary anyway. He’s only doing it because she wants him to.

“Or we can go to Glady’s. Mommy won’t agree with you about that one, because she prefers Glady’s too.”

“Fine, brat.”

“I’ll be that.” I could have chosen somewhere that wouldn’t be in consideration of her new diet if I really wanted to be a brat, but I didn’t. Glady’s has vegetable dishes that should work out for the both of them.

“Shhh.”

I knew it was coming. If her hands weren’t covered with gloves, she might have pinched my arm. I’m always sat in the middle just so she can keep an eye on me because I’m known to find ways to distract myself in church if my mind isn’t completely focused on the sermon or choir. The Lord knows me well. I doubt he have as much of an issue with it as my mother does.

While buttoning the front of my Alexander Wang loose fitting blazer, I couldn’t help but to regret opting out of putting on the wool trench coat that I had laying across the backseat of the car. The nearly end of October air is a lot chillier than I thought it would be. Despite not being someone who enjoys extremely warm or cold weather, I always look forward to the fall because it’s when fashion is at its peak. There’s nothing like a sickening jacket with nice pop of autumn coloring in it, all entirely black look that is sleek, or heavy denim. Oh, and a thigh high heeled boot? Don’t even get me started. Tonight’s dress is a long-sleeved calf length Lowe piece with deep tan, red-orange, and white stripes cascading down it’s form. What really sold me on it is the black lace accents. It’s church friendly and yet if I were going on a lunch outing with Taylor, I’d be just as fine in it.

“Sarai.” Quinton’s hand immediately grazed my shoulder as our eyes met and though I smiled, it was in no way as big as the one gracing his caramel face. Quinton and I went to school together and yet never had any interactions until his father died in the same war that mine did, nearly a year apart. I suppose us dealing with the same level of grief is what served as the foundation of the friendship that we formed. We simply didn’t harbor it as life went on. We barely speak nowadays but I’m sure he’ll say that it’s my doing.

“Quinton. How are you?” We shared an appropriate hug and the fume of his strong cologne instantly made me draw back. It’s not pleasant.

“I’m well. How are you? I see you doing big things.”

“I’m the same. And I’m doing big things? Is that so Mr. Councilman?” He was elected a year ago and is over the Fort Greene, Clinton Hill, Crown Heights, Prospect Heights, and Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhoods. I definitely consider him to be a man of the people, because he could have run for a position within areas like Williamsburg, Dumbo, and Fulton Ferry and won. He’s that well celebrated within these streets.

“I’m not on ESPN though.”

“That’s nothing in comparison to the news coverage about you, the mentoring that I’m hearing you’re receiving from President Obama so that you can run for the Senate, and maybe even the Presidency later on down the line? I think you just want me to brag on you a bit.”

“I won’t stand here and pretend like I’m not flattered.” We shared a laugh that attracted the attention of a few others. I could see my mother eyes lighting up from the corners of my eyes. She’s barely paying attention to what Denise is saying to her.

“You know we’re all proud of you.”

“But you’ve yet to be proud of enough of me to allow me to take you out to dinner. You know we have history.”

That history he speaks of is not our friendship. The summer before we went off to college, we pity fucked one another after having had a conversation about our daddies that left the both of us emotionally drained. Though he wasn’t a virgin, he might as well had been because it was far more of an awkward encounter than it was anything else.

I won’t hold anything about that hot summer evening against him though. No seventeen-year-old boy has the stamina of a stallion and the skills of a veteran porn star within the bedroom. Quinton barely knew who he was personally, so how could he have known who he was as a pleaser? The same could be said for myself.

It was me who decided that we should go on as if it never happened. Hell, it still feels like it never happened. While Quinton is a nice-looking man, I’ve yet to have even the slightest interest in him beyond our occasional run ins.

“Here you go. It’s a timing issue more than anything.” See? I’m a hypocrite too. First, premarital sex. Second? I’m lying right here in the house of God. No matter what the circumstances are, a person will make time for who or whatever it is that they want.

“It can’t always be timing right? We should plan it out so that we won’t run into scheduling issues. I know you’re up there in Bristol a lot and your schedule can be just as crazy when you’re not and you know I’m quite busy myself but I’m willing to make the time for you Sarai.”

Whenever he asks me out, I find myself pondering if we share anything in common beyond what we already know or what we’ll speak about while sitting across from one another at some upscale restaurant of his choosing and I always draw a blank. From there, I snicker at the thought of whispered words about Brooklyn’s fiscal year preliminary budget or development with the deeper urban areas being his dirty talk or pillow talk within the bedroom. That aside, I’m not interested in being his First Lady. I don’t want to play that role, because that’s exactly what it is. Politics is full of actors with empty promises. I’m not saying that Quinton cannot be genuine, but even those type of politicians are just as good of liars as the crooked ones.

“You have my number. Call me. We’ll figure it out.”

“I will. Just make sure you pick up.” That was a cheap jab, but I’ll take it. Out of all of the women within this church who are vying for a chance to be Mrs. Quinton Jeremy Marshall, he constantly comes my way. Maybe that’s something? I don’t know. Only time will tell, but right now, it’s not saying much because I don’t feel anything.

“I will.”

“Hopefully I’ll be able to convince you that we’re a good match before some NBA guy does.” And there it is; the assumptions about what goes on in my life pertaining to athletes beyond work obligations.

“I don’t date athletes.”

“I’m not saying that you do, but there’s no denying that they’re interested in dating you. Unfortunately, I don’t catch the show often, but sometimes I do catch a couple of those one on one interviews you conduct on YouTube and they usually feel like one big lust fest. Doesn’t that make you uncomfortable?”

“I don’t notice it. Also, I feel like people overexaggerate things. These days, you can’t sit a male or female of no relation in the same room without people creating sexual scenarios. That just shows you how screwed up people’s mentalities are.” And that includes you Quinton. I’m not sure if it’s jealousy or indifferent written all over his face, but it’s something. And this is yet another reason why we cannot date. He’s the worst version of an alpha male because there are plenty of sexist undertones within the way he thinks and what he says. He’d expect me to diminish enough of myself in order for him to feel like the man when he’s parading me around some fundraiser or while I’m standing in his shadow as if he gives some speech.

“Or maybe you’re downplaying things. I watched Odell Beckham Jr. stare at you like you’re some type of rare species. I know what those type of looks are about. I am a man after all.” Are you?

“Maybe I am a rare species. We’re not all cut from the same cloth, right Quinton?”

“Maybe so.”

“I’ll see you around though. My stomach is growling and my folks are waiting for me.”

“Don’t forget what I said”

“About timing? I won’t. As I said, give me a call. We’ll figure something out.” And with that, I left him to stare at me as I walked towards the back of the church.

I didn’t feel compelled to hug him again because it would have been lingering on his end and easily would have attracted more attention than I would’ve liked. Despite there being a number of women around here who would love to be claimed by him, oddly, there are people who advocate for us. Even Reverend Trufant snuck in a joke about being willing to officiate our nuptials when the time is right. I’d rather not give Quinton or anyone else any false hope tonight or any other.

Rather than taking three cars, I drove everyone from mommy’s house over to the church. While it may have sounded pointless to them, I insisted that we go back and get Preston’s car so that I’ll be able to drive back to Edgewater right after dinner. I’m tired, cold, and I’m not staying out here tonight. She may have convinced me to come to service but spending the night at either one of their houses can quickly turn into a night of aggravation. I’m so used to living on my own that personality clashes happen as soon as my element is interrupted.

“That Quinton sure is fine.” I knew it was coming. It’d been on the tip of her tongue the entire time she sat in the passenger seat of my car, but I purposefully drowned her out with a couple of classics from Richard Smallwood. I knew she’d quickly began to sing along and forget about hounding me about him, but I should have known she’d only briefly put the thought aside. I can’t even enjoy this peppered shrimp and side of plantains now. Within a couple of minutes, the know it all will add in her warped opinion.

“Isn’t he?” How can she agree with her husband sitting right there alongside her?

“Is he still running for the Senate?” Preston directed that question to me as if I should know. I’ve only heard the rumors and it makes sense. I’m sure councilmen is only a stepping stone for a long running career in politics.

“I’m sure he will at some point.”

“And he’s looking for this one here to be his Michelle Obama and yet she’s running from it.”

“I’m not running from anything. I’m simply not interested. Michelle Obama is amazing and I admire the hell out of her, but not to the point of wanting to mirror her life. I doubt she’d want that for me either. This is a woman who has advocated for women to work hard to be exactly who it is that they want to be.” Michelle was never caught up into the dated traditionalisms of a woman needing a husband in order to look proper in society. She was already a lawyer when she met her now husband.

“And yet here she is, pushing away the one man who actually wants her enough to continue pursuing her.” If I were some tacky reality show chick, I would have made a scene in this restaurant but I won’t for the sake of my reputation.

“The one man who wants me?” I had to made sure I heard her correctly.

“That’s not how I meant it and you know it. You barely put yourself into situations to find someone.”

“I’m not looking.”

“And that’s the problem right there.” As soon as my mother interjected, I dropped my fork into the plate and rested against the back of the seat.

“For who? You?”

“She lives in a house about three times the size of mine and yet she’s in it alone.”

“I live in a house three times the size of yours because it’s what I worked for. I didn’t have to find a man to give it to me. I wanted it and went and got it. It’s not my fault that you can’t relate.”

Initially, I didn’t want to take any shots at her because I respect her lifestyle. She has a career, but it’s no secret that Preston is the breadwinner in their marriage and it works for them. They’re settled, happy, and are beginning to work on trying to have a baby. I rarely if ever label myself with the feminist title, but if I did, I wouldn’t be the type to frown down on women who want to be in the boardroom closing deals or at home raising their children and keeping the house put together. For as long as it is a choice, there is no judgement from me. But Celeste? She takes me there.

“Well lucky for me, I have a man who loves me enough to want to give me amazing things and the best part of it is we enjoy it together. I don’t live in a house three times smaller than yours alone. I don’t go to bed alone. I don’t travel alone. I don’t celebrate my birthdays alone. I don’t have to do everything for myself, whether I’m tired or not, because I live my life without anyone else in it. I have a life partner here with me. Where’s yours? Or did you have hopes that dad would always be the man in your life?”

And this is why whenever people ask me if we’re close, I laugh it off and shrug. I don’t know what we are. After the tragedy within our lives, we continued to grow further apart from the once closeness that we used to have. Even with her gravitating towards mom, we didn’t clash as much then as we do now. Our clashes are typically started by her. It’s the manner in which she seems to pick apart who I am that instantly rubs me the wrong way. It’s not even constructive criticism. It’s simply her being a bitch.

“Your dependency on men has always been at the forefront of your life. If it wasn’t Preston, it would have been someone else. And if it wasn’t that someone else, it would have been another person. I don’t ever remember any point in my life when you were single. So, I’m not impressed. Ya’ll can have this shit, honestly.” I dropped my napkin into the barely halfway eaten plate and immediately stood to my feet. I’d already paid for everyone’s meal as a treat, so I didn’t have to wait for some server to come over with the checkbook.

“Sarai, sit down.”

“I’d rather go and I am. Enjoy yourselves.”

“And this is why I call you a brat. Whenever someone says something that you don’t like or calls you out on your shit, you run.”

“Goodnight.”

“Sarai!” Not even my mother’s stern summoning could influence me to turn around as I walked out in the night. My car served as my solace and the sounds of a Musiq Soulchild Essentials playlist from Apple Music was my soundtrack for my drive home. A blessing of no traffic at any point allowed my arrival time to be just a couple of minutes under an hour.

Let me ask you something. You really think I can come back from this injury? It’s not even a matter of getting back on my feet again because I’m sure that’s possible, but will I be the same player I once was? I’ve been thinking about it and the more I do, the more I really don’t know.

I hadn’t even gotten out of the car when his message came through and as I sat in my seat reading it, I immediately scoffed because I know that is nothing more than his own sulking with a couple of droplets of Scott’s ridiculously biased and purposefully controversial take about some players never being who they once were within their respective sports after surgeries that don’t exactly fix what may be permanent damage.

You’re going to be even better than you were before. We all know that everyone gets a thrill out of a good comeback story but this is more than that for you. You have something to prove to yourself more than anyone or anything else. Your determined spirit will carry you through this and next year, we’re all going to celebrate what you worked so hard for more than we’ve ever celebrated you before. You got this and you know you do. It’s what we’re all a fan of when we speak of Odell Beckham Jr; your keen awareness of who you are and what you’re capable of.

And just like that, I was starting the car. I hadn’t even gone inside to get out of the pumps that are now starting to cause my toes to ache.

Have someone open the door for me. I should be there in about twenty.

It took five minutes over the twenty I estimated because I stopped at Dunkin Donuts for a hot chocolate. I wasn’t cold anymore because the heat in the car had already warmed me up, but I had a taste for it. I even grabbed Beckham a cup.

“Why are you the one answering the door?” I rang the doorbell about two minutes ago. No wonder it took so long for anyone to come and get it. As he leaned against the crutches, Khan and Blackjack were standing alongside him in a protective stance as Mowgli lingered around in the background.

“Nobody’s here but me.”

“I find that hard to believe. You’re never home alone.”

“You’ll be surprised how much I actually am home alone.” As he crutched himself backwards, the dogs moved alongside him in unison to allow me entry into the home. I think they’re starting to get used to me and I’m not sure if it’s a bad or a good thing. I’ve found myself bonding with Eris, who is technically the lady of the house.

“I got you a hot chocolate from Dunkin.”

“Thank you.”

“Uhm.” I noticed we weren’t going downstairs as I trailed behind him. Instead, he made his way into the living room and flopped down on the couch. He’d been playing video games before I arrived.

“Why are you so dressed up?”

“I’m coming from Saturday service.”

“Church?” His eyes widened and he couldn’t mask the few chuckles that followed. What’s so hard to believe about that?

“Why is that so shocking to you?”

“It’s not shocking, but I just can’t picture you going to church on a Saturday night. Maybe Sunday service, but Saturday night? No one under forty is going to a Saturday night service.” Alright. He got me there.

“I went with my mother, sister, and brother-in-law.”

“What’s your sister’s name?”

“Celeste.” I tossed my jacket on the arm of the couch right after placing the Styrofoam cup filled with hot chocolate on the glass coffee table.

“Lace? You sure you just went to church? Lace is more date night.” The lace is in places that most wouldn’t consider sexy. There is no cleavage on display; not even a bit of thigh. I would have been scolded endlessly had I done that.

“Why does lace have to be for a date night? Lace is universal. I used to wear white lace gloves to church when I was about five.”

“You’re certainly not five now.” Our eyes met and I took yet another sip of the warm sweetened drink. Suddenly, I wish it was a frozen hot chocolate.

“Someone did try to take me on a date though.” I’m not sure why I’m sharing this, but we’ve developed enough of a connection to the point where we share a lot of random and sometimes private information with one another.

“Who?” He hadn’t taken the game off of pause yet; didn’t reach for the hot chocolate either.

“Remember the friend who I mentioned to you? The one whose father died in the same war that mine did? Him. His name is Quinton.”

“I figured he was more than a friend when you mentioned him.”

“Why?” We were kids at the time. I didn’t emphasize much more than that.

“I don’t know. I just felt it.”

“Well, believe me when I tell you that we’re just friends. I’m not interested. There was a point in time when we crossed a boundary but nothing more came out of it.”

“Okay.” I was surprised that he didn’t question me about the boundary but then again, he’s just as intuitive as I am most times. He knows what boundary that was.

“He’s a councilman in Brooklyn now. He’s going to run for a seat in the Senate soon enough. Politics are his thing. He’s been trying to take me out for a while. For whatever reason, he thinks we’re a good fit for one another.”

“And you don’t?” As he stretched out his lengthy fingers, I could hear the sounds of a few of them cracking.

“No. I don’t think we relate much. We gel well as distant friends more than anything else. He’s looking for a wife. I don’t want to be that.”

“His wife or anyone’s wife?”

“I don’t know. Marriage isn’t something that I’ve made a part of my plans when I mapped them out. It’s not something that I’ve ruled out, but I’m not necessarily yearning for it either. It’s more of an it is what it is situation for me. You?”

“Initially, it was a big ass no. I wasn’t pressed for it. I watched my pop marry someone and I knew he didn’t want to get married. Ultimately, it didn’t work out for him. Now, I’m not against it. Whenever that day comes, it’ll come. I just want to do it one time when it does come. When I get down on one knee, I have to absolutely know that this is it and this person is going to be the one I’m growing towards wrinkles and diapers with. That shit has to work out.”

I’m sure everyone who stands at an alter and vows their life to someone feels exactly the same way he does. It’s supposed to be final; that moment to seal the deal between your soul and someone else’s. It’s tricky though. That honeymoon bliss eventually turns into tests of tolerance and plenty of trials and tribulations. In being around my parents, I was exposed to many of their friends’ marriages. Sure, they were in love, but I’m not sure if a few of them were genuinely happy.

“That’s fair.”

“So, this Quinton guy, he’s never getting a chance to prove himself? Not even one date?”

“Probably not.”

“What about me?” I didn’t expect it to go that route, but I know it’s been lingering on his mind since we began to bond with one another.

“Everything about us will never make sense and we both know this. Even what we’re doing right now wouldn’t go without question. I’m not supposed to be here or anywhere near you.” He sighed, not in defeat, but in disappointment at the words that I’d chosen as a response.

“How is that?”

“Because it’s a conflict of interest. Did you think that I was speaking in jest when I said that the night, we all hung out after your game? Having a personal relationship with you will easily have me viewed as someone who has a bias towards you and all that you do. I already catch hell for what I said about you, so can you imagine what would happen if TMZ happened to catch up the two us leaving some restaurant or nightclub together? Do you understand what would happen if you were to post or say anything about me on social media beyond whatever it is that I say about you in a professional setting? I would not only be ripped to shreds, but I’d be fired. Why do you think I kept stressing you and the guys about not post anything whenever I was visiting you at the hospital? Why do you think I was sneaking in, so bundled up?” The pictures and videos that are on his phone and everyone else’s are for personal memories. I don’t mind that. I figured they’d be something to put a smile on his face whenever he needs one, just as they do for me.

“Does it say in your contact that you will be fired for any of this?”

“No, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t against the ethical code and conduct of the company? I would be forced to resign. Not only that, but do you realize how hard it is to be taken seriously as a female sports journalist? If you let the public tell it, I’m screwing every single athlete that I’m standing within five feet of. I’m not supposed to know about sports. You know how many ‘get in the kitchen’ comments I get? Hell, the NFL fans are the harshest. They tell me that I don’t know shit and I belong on my back for a living.”

“Because they’re fucking ignorant.”

“And yet it’s my reality. I’m not trying to nag you about this because I know what I signed up for and I can handle it, but how do I handle standing in front of the president of ESPN and him telling me to write my resignation letter before they’re forced to publicly embarrass me by firing me?”

“Within all that you said, you know you’re also saying that we can’t be friends and yet here you are, sitting here with me. I didn’t tell you to come here tonight. You came on your own.”

“Because I figured you were a bit upset. It’s the vibe I’d gotten in the text messages.”

“That’s the excuse you’re going with? You could have kept texting me. You came because you care and because you wanted to.”

“I do care about you. I just have to wonder how much do you care about me if you’re okay with me jeopardizing everything that I have and everything that I am for you and only you.” Instantly, he turned his head in my direction and narrowed his eyes.

“Me and only me? So, I’m in this alone?”

“In what?” I had to stand up. Not only had the tension in the room thickened, but my legs refused to remain settled. I kept bouncing them in an anxiousness that I couldn’t comprehend.

“Sarai. Seriously? And I’m not asking you to jeopardize your career.”

“Then what are you asking me to do?”

“I don’t…” His ran his hands threw his blonde curls and tightly closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”

“Don’t worry about it. I was only dropping by to check on you. I’m going to go.”

“Sarai.”

He frowned as I grabbed my jacket from the arm the chair and threw it over my shoulders. The quicker I leave, the better off we’ll both be in terms of riding ourselves of the steam. I’m tired anyway.

“It’s fine. I’ll give you a call to see how you’re doing soon.”

“You don’t have to go. That’s not what any of that was supposed to cause.”

“But I do. I need to go.”

Once my clutch bag was secured under my arm, I grabbed my keys off of the table.

“Sarai.”

“Be safe in here. Stay off of your foot.”

I was out of his door before we could exchange another set of words with one another and quite frankly, I’m not sure when I’ll ever walk through it again. I don’t have much, despite whatever people may see or believe. There are plenty of question marks next to a lot of the emotional aspects of life’s necessities but I do have my sanity and everything that I worked damn hard for. If that’s suddenly snatched away from me, then what’s left? A mother who doesn’t know much about me beyond what she assumes or wishes I were and an older sister who doesn’t take me seriously? Much like Beckham, I’m chasing a legacy and I have a lot more to do to make it eternally standing.

One date. We’ll do it somewhere around our old stomping grounds; it’ll feel nostalgic. Next week. I’ll get back to you with the day. Here’s your time.

If I have to choose right now, that’s the choice that makes the most sense.

[purplesurveys]

652

We’ll do the last people I messaged, like before.

Friend One What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? JM. He’s a guy. How old are they and what month is their birthday? He is 22, but he blows his candles every July 6th. Does this person have a Facebook account? Yes he does. In this country, 98% of the time you kinda need to have a Facebook account, because work-related stuff is mostly conducted there (if you’re in school) and it’s a way to stay connected to family and friends. When was the last time you saw this person? Yesterday. He’s my classmate in my last class for the week, which is on Friday afternoons. Do you find this person attractive? Objectively yes, but I don’t have a huge crush on him lmao.

Have you ever lived in the same house as this person? Nope. Where does this person work? We’re currently just students, so no job yet. And as far as I know he plans on taking law so assuming he passes, he won’t be working for another four years. Friend Two What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Gabie, she’s a girl and a very pretty one at that. How old are they and what month is their birthday? 21, June 5th. Have you ever been to their house? Yeah, plenty of times. I’d be concerned if I wasn’t allowed to visit them lol. Are you friends with any of their other friends? I’m civil with her two best friends but I don’t really mix well with her other blockmates.  Where did you meet them? I went to school with her for 14 years. What are their siblings’ names? Don’t really feel like sharing that here. Have you ever cooked a meal with this person? Technically yeah. We had to run a small restaurant once for a final project in home economics, so we had to make hundreds of burgers and chicken strips hahaha. But other than that, the only thing we’ve made for ourselves is instant noodles, because we’re equally bad in the kitchen :/ Friend Three What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Andrew, boy. How old are they and what month is their birthday? I know he’s also 21 but I have no clue when his birthday is, which I should be partly ashamed of because he’s really into astronomy and always tells me about his star sign, which I’ve also forgotten about lmao. Have you ever hugged them? A few times. He’s not really someone I’d approach to hug. Do you know what their favourite candy is? LMAOOO we also talked about this with JM literally just a few days ago but I forgot already. I’m awful. But I guess it also kinda has to do with the fact that he’s incredibly talkative and some things he says just go into my ear and exit the other. Have you ever had a crush on this person? I’ve never had a crush on him. Do you know their parents? His mom knows of me, but I’ve never met her. He’s not close to his dad, so I don’t care whether I know him or not. Do they have a boyfriend/girlfriend or other significant other? Yeah, in a surprising turn of events he’s seeing my seatmate/good friend from high school, Leigh. Friend Four What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Angela, and she’s a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She’s 21 and has her birthday on September 15th. Are you related to this person? Mmm nope. But I do know she and Chelsea, another friend of mine and who was in my high school circle, are distant cousins. Does this person have an Instagram account? She does. I think I’m the only person in all my circles with no instagram. Do you know the rest of their friends? I know most of her friends, but tbh she’s super sociable so there may be friends that I haven’t heard of or met. What are their parents’ names? Alain and Girlie. When was the last time you spoke to this person on the phone? A few months ago when she called me up crying because her boyfriend was being a jerk. Friend Five What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Sophie, girl. She is also my girlfriend’s sister so that 1/2 answers the question on the section on Friend Two, lmao. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She just turned 15. If I’m not mistaken, November 14? Something along that week, anyway.  Do you know what their favourite colour is? I have no clue but knowing her aesthetic, she’d probably go with a pastel shade. Have you ever been swimming with this person? Neverrrrr. I remember planning it once at their village’s clubhouse, but it never happened because I just never brought any swimsuits whenever I go visit haha. Do you live in the same town/city as this person? You can say that. But our city’s divided into upper and lower parts, and we’re on either side so it’s still a bit of a drive to get to their place. Would you answer the phone if this person called right now? I’d be surprised, but I’d take the call. Does this person live with their parents? Yes. Friend Six What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Tina, also a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? It’ll always shock me that she’s a year older – aka she’s 22. She feels like such a 1998 baby, if that even makes sense lol. Her birthday is September 11. Have you ever gone out for coffee with this person? We’ve bought coffee for takeout, but I’ve never sat down at a coffee shop with her. Does this person take selfies? If she does it’s only meme-ish in nature, or selfies with her dogs. Would this person come pick you up in the middle of the night? No and she wouldn’t be the first person I’d call because she lives too far from me and I don’t want to burden her too much. What does this person usually wear on a day-to-day basis? Growing up in Abu Dhabi where it’s warm/super warm all-year round, she can’t go anywhere without a thick jacket or sweater as she’s constantly cold. Have you ever shared a bed with them? I don’t think I have. Friend Seven What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Hannah, girl. Because most of my friends are girls. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She just turned 20! January 16. What do their parents do for a living? I have no clue. It’s never really been brought up in conversation, so I haven’t thought to ask and she hasn’t thought to tell. Have you ever gone to the cinema with this person? Nah and I think we have very different tastes so we wouldn’t be able to agree on what to watch anyway. Are they older than you? No, she’s much younger than me lmaoooo. What is their middle name? Her second name is Millenne, pronounced mell-EEN/mill-EEN. Since she’s a January 2000 baby, she was named after the word ‘millennium.’ Does this person go to school or college? Yeah, we’re coursemates in UP and equally hate journalism jfkhkdjhgg. Friend Eight What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Gab, guy. We’re not that close anymore but he recently caught up with me because he wanted to lend me his WWE Network account, which is super sweet of him. How old are they and what month is their birthday? If I’m not mistaken he was born 1998. But my second guess is that he was born 1997. Either way, his birthday falls on May 11. Do you have any inside jokes with this person? We have some inside wrestling jokes here and there. When was the last time you messaged this person? Thursday. I realize I never replied to him :( so I’ll have to get on that soon haha. How long have you known this person? We applied for our org at the same period, and that was two and a half years ago. What was the last thing you did to help this person out? Keep him company when no one was talking to him during the Christmas party. Have you ever said “I love you” to this person? Maybe when Nacho died. But it’s definitely not something I’d tell him all the time. Friend Nine What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Her first name is technically Denise, but I don’t know anyone who still calls her that. We all know her as Mils, from her surname. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She’s also 22 and while I don’t memorize her birthday, I do know she’s a Scorpio. When was the last time you hung out with this person? It’s been...a while. We’re pretty close, but we’re from different circles and we never hang out. I think it’s as far back as 2016, when she invited me to her and Leigh’s birthday thing and they treated us to a screening of Doctor Strange. Have you ever set this person up on a date with someone else you know? Nope. Again, not that close. Does this person have any pets? Yes, her family has a dog. How far away is their house from yours? It’s pretty close, but she lives in the heart of Cainta whereas I live on the very border of it, and I never go to that area. Would this person help you if you asked for it? It depends. She’s a hit or miss. Friend Ten What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Blanch! Also a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? She’s 20 turning 21, but not until September 8th. Have you ever stayed the night at their house? Nope. I’ve never been to her place and I don’t think I’ll ever get to, because she lives allllllll the way in Las Piñas. When was the last time you spoke to this person? Friday. We’re classmates in a history elective. Do you knock on their front door, or just walk right in? I’ve never been to her place. Have you ever ignored a phone call from this person? We’re not close enough to just call one another, plus I don’t think she likes talking on the phone anyway. Have you ever kissed this person? No. Friend Eleven What is their name and are they a boy or a girl? Apple! Still a girl. How old are they and what month is their birthday? Like Gab, I’m not sure if she was born 1997/1998, but her birthday’s May 4. Have you ever gone to dinner with this person? Yes, but along with a bunch of people. She shocked all of us when she quietly downed an entire bowl of ramen in like five minutes, which is why her nickname on our org’s groupchat to this day is still “Ramen Nagi Queen” hahaha. Do you know what their hobbies and interests are? She’s down for anything, but she particularly likes stuff that forces you to be active, like hiking. Does this person go to the gym regularly? It’s possible, considering she’s into sportsy stuff. I’m not 100% sure. But one thing I do know for sure is that her resolution this year is to cut back on rice. Have you ever been to a party with this person? Not yet but she seems like such an awesome person to party with, given that she’s in a sorority lol. Have you ever secretly checked this person out? I have not.

[surveysonfleek]

1533.

[Family]

My brother’s name starts with D. Neither of my grandfathers are alive. I look more like my mother than my father. Both my parents are in a serious relationship. I am the youngest of three children. I am the only girl. My mom’s mom is NOT your typical grandmother. I don’t really like my cousins. I have less than five cousins. I’ve shown up at a family party while under the influence.

[Religion & Politics]

I was raised Christian. But I’m no longer a Christian. I believe in God. But I think the Bible is bullshit. My beliefs aren’t influenced by people around me. My dad is religious. My mom tries to be, but who is she trying to fool? I hate church. I wouldn’t have voted in the last election even if I was old enough. I hate politics more than anything.

[Food]

I honestly never stop eating. Chocolate + peanut butter = orgasmic. I only eat Cains mayonnaise. I’ve never eaten a fruit I didn’t like. I love cooked broccoli but not raw broccoli. I love raw peppers but not cooked peppers. I’ve gone a day or more without eating. I crave chocolate on my period. Pizza Hut has the best pizza around.  Cookies & Cream ice cream is one of my favorites.

[Sex, Love & Relationships]

I’ve been told that I was a nine out of ten at giving head. A guy has cheated on his girlfriend with me. I’ve never been cheated on. I had my first kiss when I was fifteen. I lost my virginity in the woods. My best friend lost her virginity a week after me. In the same place I did. I’ve been in the same room as someone having sex. I would rather be on the bottom.

[Music]

I download my music from LimeWire. I love country. I love old school rap. I love alternative. I have All Time Low’s new CD Nothing Personal.  And I love it. I love to sing, but I suck horribly at it. I cannot play a musical instrument. I want to learn to play the drums. I used to take piano lessons.

[School]

My GPA is between 2.0 and 3.0. I took Algebra 1 in 8th grade, and again in 9th. I’ve passed a class with a D-. I don’t do my homework at home. I prefer mechanical pencils. I always do projects the night before they’re due. I’m really smart but don’t always apply myself. I text in school. I’ve gotten my phone taken away in school.

[Beauty & Hygiene]

I straighten my hair often. On lazy days, I scrunch my hair to go out. My only make-up necessity is mascara. I like to wing my eyeliner. I’d rather take a shower than a bath. I’d rather use body wash than a bar of soap. I’d rather use a bath scrunchie than a washcloth. My solution for make-up on lazy days: sunglasses. I use the same routine every day in the shower.

[Smoking, Drinking & Drugs]

I smoke cigarettes. I’ve gotten drunk within the past month. I’ve smoked weed when by myself. The first time I got high was on a holiday. Marijuana should be legalized. I have never and would never drink and drive. I hate light beer. My lighter is purple. My favorite cigarettes are Turkish Silver or Camel Crush. I’ve quit smoking but started again.

[Random]

My nails are pink right now. Going to bed at midnight is very early for me. I could never date a guy that didn’t make me laugh. I have a jar of peanut butter in my room right now. I wear sunglasses a lot. Gogurt is really good in the freezer. I’ve been in Hollister, but I don’t own anything from there. Purple is my favorite color. There is no such thing as an ugly color. I need more pens. ______________________________________________________________

I like where I’m at right now. My feet are freezing. I hate feeling awkward. I love driving on country roads. I love driving fast, too. I currently have a cold. I have a crush. No, it’s more than a crush. I always wondered what it’d be like to start over, where no one knew me. I go on Yahoo Answers. I get nostalgic every once in awhile. I really don’t like my father. My mother is one of my best friends though. I don’t mind when people stare at me. No, it’s annoying as fuck. I can’t stand people who are extremely selfish. A Change Of Pace is a good band. I have gotten a new phone within the past month. I want to go to Florida soon. Peach snapple iced tea is theee best. I wrote books when I was younger. I’m really creative, especially when I apply myself. I use Facebook a lot more than I used to. I’m constantly told I’m beautiful, but I still sometimes don’t believe it. One of my friends came out as gay this year. I feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t have someone. I’m way too quiet, and I wish I could change. I need to party. Music and books are my favorite. I love everything about the fall. I always smell really good. My hair looks nice today. I have long fingernails. I’ve kissed a Ryan, Mike, or Justin. I’ve been in love with a Josh, Christian, or Scott. I envy no one. I’m going to an amusement park soon. For a halloween-related thing. I don’t like beer. I don’t like soda. I’ve worn a turtle neck in the past year. I wear them often. Outspoken is something I’m not. I express myself through quotes and lyrics. Photography is beautiful. There’s beauty in everything, you just gotta find it. I ordered a pizza recently. Tonight, actually. I wish I could have a whole new batch of friends. Even though I do love the ones I have now. My nose is stuffy. I like orange juice. And sandwich wraps. I love cozy nights at home. I like playing Hebi. Apples to Apples is fun. I have to start applying for jobs. I really need one. Ahhh life is changing fast.  I tend to drive a little bit over the speed limit.

My razor only has two blades. My keyboard is black. I use my friends as arm rests and pillows. My favorite number is odd. My favorite number is a single digit. I love having butterflies in my stomach. The last make up I wore was eyeliner. I’d love to have a winter wedding. I’m really ticklish. I have a facial piercing. I’d only get a tattoo that has significant meaning to me. My boyfriend is taller than I am. My school has a shitty football team. I play Pet Society on Facebook. All politicians are the same, in my opinion. I can’t eat sushi with a fork or else it feels awkward. I’ve never been to New Mexico. I’d definitely consider adoption if I couldn’t have my own children. I like plain-colored t-shirts. Horror movies don’t really scare me. I have a decent vocabulary. Lord of the Rings doesn’t appeal to me. I don’t play any sports. I prefer orange juice to apple juice. I like my toast with butter and jelly. I love cream cheese. I have a celebrity crush. I get frequent headaches. I can play a little piano. My boyfriend drives an Asian car. And so do I. I WANT MORE PIERCINGS. My favorite fruit is a type of berry. I miss somebody right now. Some of my friends live far away. I can burp out the alphabet. I love breadsticks. I can count to ten in at least two languages. I’d love to have a pet owl. I prefer dogs to cats. I only wear actual perfume on special occasions. But I wear body spray on a daily basis. I have pictures of my sibling/s on my phone. ______________________________________________________________

What I have…

Purse/bag Notepad | Altoids | Advil | Wallet | Book | Pencil pouch | Gloves | Earphones | Camera film | Eraser | Pens | Trash | Button | Spare change | Ticket stubs | Tea bag | Plastic spoon

Closet Cardigans | Sweaters | Jackets | T-shirts | Coats | Tank tops | Button-up shirts | Shoe hanger/caddy | Vans | Hiking shoes/boots | Oxfords | Heels | Shoeboxes with misc. things | Nail polish | Keepsakes | Costume stuff from previous Halloweens | Yarn | Looms for knitting | Backpack for backpacking | School backpacks | Old computer | Photo prints | Video games | Stuff I need to sell | Oil heater

Bedside Drawer Pills | Coins | Jewelry | Diary | Hairbands | Hair clips | Bobby pins | Comb | Notepads | Chargers | Lighters | Book marks | Light bulbs | Pencils | A pack of playing cards | Pencil lead | An old birthday card | Earphones | Passport | Miscellaneous screws

DVD Shelf (I have torrents, so I’ll base this off of that.) 28 Days Later | Amélie | Blade Runner | Catch Me If You Can | A Clockwork Orange | The Darjeeling Limited | District 9 | Doctor Zhivago | Donnie Darko | Ed Wood | Edward Scissorhands | Everything is Illuminated | Fright Night | Full Metal Jacket | The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly | The Harry Potter series | In Bruges | Inception |Jurassic Park | The King’s Speech | Lolita | The Nightmare Before Christmas | Run Fatboy Run | Snatch | Sweeney Todd | The Truman Show | Wall-E | Doctor Who | Pushing Daisies | True Blood

Yard A sad, sad lawn | My car | Shed | Flower pots | Garden | Barbecue | Chicken pen (with chickens) | Wood shed | Trees | Rose bushes | Dandelions | Daffodils | Tractor | Gravel | Pathways | Bed for my kitty | An old truck | Bushes

iTunes AC/DC | ADELE | Amy Winehouse | Arcade Fire | Arctic Monkeys | The Beatles | Beck| Beyoncé | Billy Idol | The Black Keys | Canned Heat | Cyndi Lauper | Daft Punk | The Dead Weather | Dropkick Murphys | Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes | Ellie Goulding | Feist | Fiona Apple | Fleetwood Mac | Imagine Dragons | Jack White | Jimi Hendrix | The Kills | Lady Gaga | Lily Allen | Macklemore | Marina & The Diamonds | Mew | Nirvana | Pink Floyd | Portugal. The Man | Queen | Rage Against the Machine | Red Hot Chili Peppers | Rihanna | Sea Wolf | Simon & Garfunkel | St. Vincent | Tears for Fears | Tegan & Sara | Tool | Vampire Weekend | Weezer | The White Stripes | Yeah Yeah Yeahs | ZZ Top

[wiggly-blue-shite]

Chapter 5! The Bell Doesn’t Dismiss You!

Biology! I really do love this class. Well the AP Bio teacher is super cool and everything makes sense to me. I love this class!

"Hey Henry!" Oh it's him. Chad Stevenson. Star quarterback, straight A student, ASB Vice President. Not only is he a senior, he is also tragically straight, not that he'd be into me. But oh wow those pearly whites.

"Oh hey Chad what's up!" I only see him this period. We're not close but he was my lab partner once! He's so far out of my league I don't even get nervous around him.

"Not much man. Good to see you." He is a practically perfect specimen. It's ridiculous. No human should be like that.

"I don't think I saw you a Sam's party yesterday?"

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that jack offs house." Chad chuckled a little. He fucking looks like Clark Kent it's ridiculous. I chuckle a little too.

The late bell rings and he walks over to his seat. He didn't mention the makeup... huh.

I redirect my attention to the class at hand. I take close notes. Wow I love this class.

I start walking to my next class. AP English language, also a pretty fun class. It's a lot of reading and writing, two of my best activities, other than acting, and science, and music, and probably more things.

You can clearly see those who are hungover. I have a few different species of hungover:

• The absent, which are just the students who didn't come to school today or skip certain classes.

• The basic, which tend to be the white bitch. They put on too much makeup to compensate. It also looks fucking terrible.

• The pissed off, aka Emma. Just bitchy. All the time. Enough said.

• The in denial, they act like everything is normal even though they are visibly suffering.

Etc. my studies will be continued.

I spot Ted from across the courtyard. I don't know what it is about him. Maybe it's the fact that he seems like a human being compared to Chad. I can't help but to smile a little when I see him. I have the peculiar urge to get to know him better. I don't know what it is.

He turns his head, I think he spots me staring at him. He smiles and waves at me. My heart skips a beat. He didn't look away.

I wave back. W don't stop to talk to each other. Passing period isn't long enough.

I get to English and sit down in my seat. I wave at Zoey who sits across from me. I don't hate her like some people do. She's kind of bitchy and annoying. She's also a total fucking diva. But Norah is her best friend, and Norah is my theatre club running mate. I basically only tolerate Zoey because of theatre. I don't want to think about her though.

So I grab the writing assignment we are supposed to work on today and focus on that.

He didn't look away.

Ah no. Writing assignment. Uhh symbolism in King Lear. Oh Jesus Christ. I love this class but why?

He smiled at you. His cute little crooked smile. How could I get to know him better?

No! King Lear symbolism!

Maybe Emma and I could sit at Ted and Paul's table at lunch. Since Emma and Paul are basically dating it wouldn't be weird. Right?

I pull out my phone and hide it so my teacher can't see it. I text Emma.

Henry: Lets sit with Paul today!

She responds immediately. I think she has a free period or a easy elective right now.

Emma: Why

Henry: So you don't want to hang out with Paul?

Emma: No I do but you don't

The teacher walks by and I slide my phone under my thigh. Yes I am paying full attention to the symbolism of King Lear. Jesus Christ.

He goes back to his desk and I pull my phone out.

Emma: Is it Ted? ;)

Henry: What does it matter?

Emma: We can sit with them today ;)

Smug bitch.

I slide my phone back into my pocket.

Alright King Lear symbolism! Really a riveting topic.

I meet up with Emma outside the cafeteria. The lunch line is more tolerable with a friend.

"So Ted?" I fucking knew it.

"Shut up." She already knows I consider him attractive. But I don't know. I want to get to know him I guess.

"This is the first real crush in a while." Emma grabs a tray.

"Ok who said anything about a crush." I just want to get to know him better. He seems like a cool person.

"You haven't asked to sit with a boy before. Sure there's been a few 'let's sit with Norah and Zoey' s but this is like a boy." Oh Jesus Christ.

"I just want to get to know him." We get to the lunch counter. "A yogurt." I smile at the lunch lady handing her my lunch money. She smiles back and hands me basically a parfait. I don't think they're allowed to call it a parfait because those are deserts. But what else would you call fruit in granola layered in yogurt? Well it's the only thing remotely edible that they serve here. I grab a little bag of baby carrots and an apple juice.

"A chicken sandwich." Emma hands the lunch lady her money and is returned with basically just a chicken nugget in two pieces of bread. How are they allowed to serve this? "Get to know him? Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays?"

Jesus fucking Christ.

We head away from the counter to the rest of the cafeteria. I don't see paul or Ted. Come to think of it I don't think they eat in the cafeteria.

"Where do they eat lunch?" I still scan the cafeteria.

"Outside near the English building." I didn't even know there was a place to eat over there.

Once we get there I see there isn't a play to eat. They are sitting under a tree using backpacks as tables sitting on jackets. Weird.

Paul, Bill, Ted, and Charlotte are there. Ted looks surprised to see us. Wait did they know we where coming? It's rude just to show up. I don't want to be rude. My heart rate increases.

"Hi Emma!" Paul calls out cheerfully. It's almost as if I don't exist.

Emma sits next to paul. But there's not much space between Emma and the tree so I can't sit next to her. I don't know where it's ok for me to see. I don't know these dynamics. This was a bad idea.

Bill pats the ground in between him and Ted, signaling me to sit there. So I plop down there. I didn't bring a jacket so I have nothing to sit on, but that's fun.

"Damn if I knew you were gonna be here I would have brought an extra jacket." Ted's voice is warm. I could melt. No one talks about his compassion.

"No it's fine." I really don't care that much. It's nothing.

"I love your makeup." Charlotte speaks up. To be honest I have not heard her speak in a very long time. I think she's on color guard or something like that, I have no idea. I just know she's wrapped around Sam's little finger, but that's common knowledge.

"Thanks!" I really expected more people to hate it.

"I could never rock an outfit like that." Ted leans back a little bit. I can feel his eyes on me. He's watching me. I can feel blood rush to my cheeks.

"Sure you could!" I would love to see that... I mean nothing.

"Wow I can't even imagine Ted in full makeup." Bill laughs. Everyone chuckles a little.

"I'm sure Henry would love to do your makeup." Emma had her evil little smile. I put myself in this situation.

"Sure I'm down." Ted shrugged. Oh great. Well I be would be spending time with him.

"Yeah ok." What am I going to say no?

"Yay!" Emma claps a little. She's more excited for this than me and ted are.

"Hey any word on the school play?" This is the first time I've seen Paul show any interest in our schools theatre program. Emma says he doesn't really like musicals which is preposterous.

"Nope. I think we're just going to be left in the dark until the week of the audition." I'm 80% sure only Emma knows what I'm talking about, but that's fine. "It's not going to be a Shakespeare show, because we did Shakespeare in the fall."

"Does that mean it's going to be a musical? There is distain in Paul's voice.

"Probably." I shrug. I love musicals but it's not like we're going to get the rights to any really cool shows. We don't have the budget.

Paul groans. No one is forcing him to see the show. I don't want him there anyways. He won't appreciate it.

"Well I'm excited for it." Bill pats me on the shoulder. I've seen him in the audience of a couple shows. I'm convinced he just goes to every school function.

"Thanks!" I smile at him.

"Those shows always look like so much fun." Ted stares off retrospectively at the tree. He's correct, they always are super fun. Even if you have diva bitch Zoey there. I didn't know that Ted went to the shows. Oh wow that means he has seen me in some... interesting roles. Oh Jesus Christ he's seen me play Mrs. Bumbrake.

"You should audition." Why did I say that? Bad idea. No no no. "I mean you don't have to, we don't even know what the show is yet. But it is really a fun experience regardless of show. Though it is baseball season, and I know you're on the baseball team. Splitting time between the show and sports might be stressful." I can feel myself rambling, so I shut up.

"Oh shit I totally forgot about baseball." He takes a deep breath, "if I'm being honest I might quit baseball." Everyone sits in quiet for a second, paul looks stunned. "The coach is a dick, he-who-shall-not-be-named is on the team now, and I don't even enjoy it that much."

The silence is unbearable. I prompted this. Well I need to fix it somehow.

"Well there's alway seats open in theatre club." Jesus Christ I am a fucking dumbass.

"I do not belong on stage." Ted chuckles a little breaking some of the tension, "Charlotte knows what I'm talking about, my singing voice is awful." Charlotte giggles a little. I didn't realize they spent time together. I thought she was always at Sam's side.

"You don't have to sing. There's other aspects of theatre, y'know." He probably doesn't know if I'm being completely honest. I don't blame him though. They do not focus on arts education at this school.

"You could be a techie!" Emma gasps. That's actually a good idea. We could use people with more upper body strength on curtains or spot. I would do it, but the spot is on me.

"I don't even know what that is." Ted chuckles again. He has an adorable laugh. Oh and if he was techie I would get to see him all the time.

"You basically work backstage." It's more complicated than that but he doesn't need the whole spiel yet. "The show hasn't even been announced yet so there's not really any desperate need for techies. But I- We'd be so happy to have you!" I caught myself just in time. I see the gleam in Emma's eye. She knows what I almost said.

"I mean if I end up quitting, I'll have nothing better to do." Ted shrugs. Did that work? Is he actually considering it. Am I fucking dreaming? what's happening?

Then the bell rings. Paul and Emma walk off without so much as a goodbye. Charlotte and Bill at least wave goodbye. And I'm left there with Ted. My next class is theatre. I could bring up Ted teching to Mrs. Murray.

"Hey, if you'd like I can talk to Mrs. Murray about it." I try to be nonchalant, even though the thought of Ted being around the theater all the time freaks me out.

"Well I need to quit baseball first." Ted pats my shoulder, I can't help but to tense up. "I'm looking forward to the makeover, see you later." And with that he walks away.

"Bye!" I call out after him. Did that sound desperate? It felt kind of clingy. God damnit I'm pathetic.

Oh shit. I'm going to be late to theatre.

[taezhu]

mafia!taeil

mafia!nct profile

Taeil doesn’t like who he is 

He’s the leader of a group of boys who barely even know today’s date 

How could he ever like who and what he is?

he wakes up every morning in the middle of Seoul with nothing but a frown on his face 

because he knows that he won’t enjoy the day ahead of him

It starts with meeting Ten and his recruits 

It ends with Johnny and Taeyong complaining about everything he could do better 

It feels like sometimes, he’s a bit hopeless in his position as the leader of NCT

“fearless” they call them, but Taeil the furthest from fearless 

all that Taeil has ever wanted to do is protect the people around him 

and that’s what he plans on doing, even with bad press for himself

Taeil always wanted to return NCT to the triad it used to be 

No one really knows what Moon Taeil looks like outside of NCT which he thinks is good

Effectively Taeil can go whenever he wants, whenever he wants without causing harm

Especially on nights where he’s drinking away his problems, it’s a good thing

He likes this bar near to Sejong university which is usually quite quiet 

Aside from the occasional university student who just act like he isn’t there 

He’s still young enough to seem like a student who secluded himself enough to be unknown 

and that identity is one that he takes on whenever anyone approaches him from across the bar 

Which is rarely, surprisingly 

Girls and guys alike don’t like a 24 year old who looks like he hasn’t slept in days, if you didn’t know already

Taeil is sipping on some whiskey when the seat next to him is taken one night

It’s only around eleven but Taeil is so tired he can barely even hear his own thoughts 

He’s been using the whiskey to sooth the problems for far far too long now

Ten is telling him that there’s no one willing to join NCT

Johnny is telling him that there’s no incentive to the younger members 

Taeil needs a distraction and that distraction ends up being you

this isn’t how his usual evening where he finds someone goes though 

He’s not pulled out of the bar and into a cab having his scars traced and hair pulled

Instead he finds himself listening to you recite a quote over and over with a strange look on his face 

He has no damn clue who you are or what you’re doing 

But he thinks you have the most beautiful voice 

so much so that when you stop talking and shut your eyes to try and memorise it, he asks you what the quote is from

‘it’s from pride and prejudice.. have you read it?’

Taeil feels intimidated by the English words but shakes his head no

‘what does it say in korean?’

‘A person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of us’

He realises you’re smart unlike the others here and takes a liking to you

The way you brush your hair softly back from your eyes and how you smile gently

as it turns out you’re studying at Sejong university, you’re almost finished with your degree 

but Taeil has a moment of panic when you ask him what he’s studying 

and he realises it’s stupid, but he tells you that he’s studying history to not feel awkward

Taeil stupidly thinks that you won’t like him if he isn’t like you

He doesn’t feel like it’s all bad because he ends up taking your number at the end of the night

and he sleeps easy, for once, with something else on his mind

like.. when are you going to call him?

when are you going to text him back?

the next morning is the answer, and you ask if he’s free that evening because you’re bored 

Taeil wishes he knew what bored felt like

He meets up with you and forgets his responsibilities with NCT for a while

You’d have never recognised him once he left his apartment in Seoul and met you at the park you suggested 

His bright yellow jumper and yellow hat that matched somehow made him blend in 

he feels like that kid who got to live his university dream for once and he loves it 

he also.. quite enjoys the sound of your voice and your laughter and your gaze on him

He’s a leader, he’s learnt to be loud and have his voice heard 

But when he’s with you he can go back to being quiet and listen to you 

he loves it all so much

the relationship between you two starts off as friends

Taeil is so happy to have someone he can call a friend that it’s unreal 

Even if his only friend doesn’t know one thing that’s true about him

Other than his name, age and how he feels about you

Taeil knows how badly he fucked up with you by telling you he was a university student but it’s too late to take it back 

Especially when you’re hanging out with him in the library and one of the staffs is carrying out checks 

they ask to see his university card and he has to lie that he left it at home

Somehow it works and they tell him to remember it next time

that’s when Taeil starts to suggest that the two of you avoid university places 

Or rather he says he’d prefer to do less educational activities and spend more time with you

He doesn’t know why exactly it came out like that but it did 

Taeil realises a week or so later that he said he wanted to spend more time with you because he wanted you

Not the act of having a friend, it was the effect he had on you

But all lies have to be outed eventually, Taeil is hanging on with everything he can for you not to find out he’s Moon Tae Il

but in the meantime, you two are becoming closer and closer each day 

You think you know everything about him, and you almost do

Just not his identity or job or anything like that

Not what his real person could do to you 

Or hurt you, even

Taeil’s crush becomes no joke when he finds himself becoming protective 

It’s nothing that he’s noticed happening to you, but he realises he cares when he starts checking you’re locking your doors 

That you don’t leave windows open 

‘because you never know who’s looking for a place to break into’

He’s not stupid enough to think his life won’t interfere with yours 

But it takes a few months for one of his rivals to find you 

Luckily the two of you are together and when the guy approaches you Taeil stands in front of you

You have no idea what’s going on but Taeil is getting angry and the other guy too

It’s the first time Taeil has ever been anything but happy and calm in front of you

When the other guy leaves you’re a bit shaken and taeil knows he has to be somewhat honest

He says that it’s someone he’s not at all friendly with but you’re not stupid 

You leave it for a couple of days before you’re with Taeil again and he kinda..realises you’re off

He asks you what’s wrong and he’s surprised to hear you ask

‘what’s NCT?’

and he panics because he has to try and explain everything, he doesn’t even answer you

not until you carry on and leave him no other choice

‘Online it said they were a triad.. why was that guy asking you about a triad?’

Taeil realises he has to either be honesty or he has to lie to you again

And really, lying to you is exhausting and he hates it so so much

So he goes for a third option which he makes up on his own

‘I don’t know, I really don’t. I think he was trying to scare me’

Taeil isn’t exactly telling the truth but he isn’t directly lying either

Truth is he has no idea to the identity of the man who came up to you two anyway

he’s glad you accept it, but he knows it’s ok your mind a lot

Because whenever you two are out together you’re always checking people

You seem on edge and taeil feels bad for it

He made you worried about all of this and he needs to make you feel safe

To protect you, like he was always meant to do with NCT

So he decides to take you out one day to ask you something

Well, tell you that he has feelings for you that are beyond friendship 

You’re meant to meet him at a park nearby but Taeil decides to meet at yours instead 

He hears from Youngho that someone is planning something around Taeil

Who heard from Chenle when he was trying to plant some recording devices in his home

so Taeil is in a little bit of a panic mode about you

He’s so paranoid in fact, when he sees you open the door and you’re wearing the most beautiful yellow dress

Which coincidentally match the bunch of tulips which he got for you

he just says it to you straight

‘I’m NCT’s leader’

It’s not what he meant to say but it was the first thing on his mind 

That and how beautiful you looked but.. Taeil knows what he has to do

He realised that he couldn’t be in a relationship with you and confess unless he was honest

As much as that could take away from him

You’re unmistakably a little confused by his words and you invite him in to tell you everything

which he does

He tells you how he’s been in NCT since he was young and when the old generation started to die

He was elected as the new leader 

and that he has all the other members under his control

That he didn’t want to tell you in case you saw him differently

He tells you that he didn’t want to be known as Moon Tae Il but rather just taeil 

The guy who likes weird movies and enjoys strange music and doesn’t have too much stress

Even if you’re annoyed at him, it’s a lot to take in from one confession

He doesn’t even get to tell you that he likes you

Partially because he doesn’t want you to return to him with pity for him you know?

So you don’t see him for a few days to think over things

Taeil isn’t going to leave you on your own, don’t worry

He makes sure you’re okay and if he’s not available he has Youngho or Taeyong do it too 

Most people are far too chicken to have a run in with Moon Tae Il so they leave him alone

And most importantly you too

He doesn’t expect to see you back for a while though

One day when he’s on the way to the library to sit a few desks away from you

You bump into him and he has to hide the smile on his face from finally getting to see you up close

Absence really does make the heart grow fonder

‘Did you not think that I’d notice you and the other two always following me around?’

Taeil feels a bit awkward after that 

‘Thanks, though. For making sure I was okay. You made me feel less scared, like I was being protected’

And if you want to tell Taeil that you’re okay with what he does that’s up to you

But he’d be the best boyfriend

And an even better protector for you

Because no one fucks with Moon Taeil

Unless he’s in love with them, of course  

[the-coconut-asado]

Nazareth: The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants

Last month I went to Israel. So did the Duke of Cambridge. I wonder if it was as much of a food revelation to him as it was to me?

I had lazily assumed a diet of falafel and hummus. Don’t get me wrong, there was plenty of both, but so moist and unctuous that I have no desire to buy either from Sainsbury’s ever again. But for somewhere that, by its own admission (or at least according to my foodie tour guide in Tel Aviv) doesn’t have a home-grown cuisine, I ate my way through at least three blogs-worth of inspiration.

So, here’s the first chapter. It’s not where I started my journey, but it’s as good a place as any to start the story.

You come across Nazareth suddenly after driving roughly two and a half hours north-east of Jerusalem. Worried that our bus would abandon us at the edge of the Old Town and we would have to find our guest house in a maze of unnamed streets, we realised on alighting that the Old Town was walkable in 5 minutes and our guesthouse was, er, 100 metres from our drop off point. Doubly happy with our charming new abode and our host’s insistence that we were home now (he said that a lot), we set off to discover one of the Country’s lesser-known foodie destinations.

We spent our whole Israel trip running ahead the Sabbath, because whether you are Jewish or Christian, there ain’t nothing open on the Sabbath. Thus, we left Jerusalem the day before Shabbat and stayed in Nazareth (predominantly Muslim and Christian) until the Sunday, when we drove away from streets devoid of people, to the twin sounds of the Muezzin and Church bells.

But wherever we went, it was Ramadan.  Which meant you had to get your meal timings right.  Half an hour before sundown after a day’s fasting, families sat expectantly at restaurant tables, knives and forks poised and inner engines revving for the signal to eat. Then suddenly, all the restaurants were jammed and buzzing – and no corner for a couple of ravenous tourists to squeeze into.

After the noise and bustle of Jerusalem, Nazareth was like a secret garden of delightful courtyards, cool fountains and monastic whispering alleys.  You soon realise that for Christians, Nazareth is all about Mary. And as Mary wrote the rulebook on serenity, that’s what Nazareth is: a lot like Mary.

But in a week of 35C heat, covering up gnawed at my serenity and curdled it. Self-elected stewards waved their arms to shoo me away from churches if I was wearing anything less than full length jeans, even while I was across the road with no intention of visiting.  Seriously, dude, where are your aggressive arms when a man goes in wearing a pair of dodgy shorts?.   Anyway, I travelled around clutching a pair of floaty trousers that I had haggled for in Old Jerusalem, just like 99% of my fellow female tourists.  We, the Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, glanced long-sufferingly at each other as we darted into coffee shop bathrooms to pull them on and whip a shawl around our shoulders before sightseeing.  Bright side, coffee shops were great places to make the switch as they served some truly amazing sweetmeats.

If you are fasting all day then you need a sugar buzz in the evening to sustain you for the next day. And the variety and lip-sticky sweetness of the local desserts and sweetmeats kept both of us licking our fingers and catching the syrupy dribbles on our chins. On which subject guys and girls, let me introduce you to Qataifi.  These are little dollar pancakes, filled with either cream cheese or chopped nuts, sealed into half-moon parcels, deep fried and then drenched in a rosewater -flavoured syrup. Call the ambulance Alice. We convinced ourselves that a plate of six Qataifi would be our lunch. A plate of freshly cooked falafel an hour later and we realised the only people we were fooling were ourselves.  

Breakfasts were a simpler, but no less delicious, affair. Our host looked at me with the hurt eyes of a child when I asked for fried eggs instead of his ‘signature’ omelette one morning, but his Za’atar bread and labneh was usually all I needed, with a side of cucumber and tomato salad which in Israel are the baby sisters salt and pepper never knew they had.

But, for me, the stand-out dish in this corner of the world was something I had at dinner at Kitabon, an Arab restaurant on the approach to Mary’s Well:  the romantic-sounding Muhammar. Chicken marinated in Sumac and cumin, poached in just a little stock, then finished off in the oven on a bed of lavash bread soaked in an onion and sumac oil slick. Divine.

Muhammar is a process to make, but not difficult. Za’atar bread just as easy. . And while Qataifi is fiddly, the end result is worth the effort on a special occasion. So you can start discovering Nazareth with these three recipes.

It’ll whet your appetite for Tel Aviv. But that’s another story.

Muhammar

This gives you a spectacular dinner party centrepiece and delicious flavours in one. Serves 4.

Ingredients:

1 chicken, jointed

1 tbsp. cumin

4 cloves garlic, crushed

2 tbsp. sumac

½ cup olive oil

½ tsp cinnamon

4 x lavash flatbreads

3 onions, sliced

50g pine nuts or chopped almonds, toasted

How to Make

Pat the chicken dry, mix the cumin, sumac, garlic and ¼ cup of the olive oil, season and rub into the chicken pieces. Cover with clingfilm and pop in the fridge to marinade for an hour or so.

Sauté the onions in the remaining olive oil, adding seasoning, 1 tsp each cumin and sumac for about 10-15 minutes. You want them caramelised and jammy. Set aside.

Add 2 tbsps. olive oil to a deep saucepan, add the chicken pieces and 1 cup of fresh chicken stock, mixing together, then cover the pot, turn the heat to low, and leave to cook for about 45 mins – an hour, until cooked through and moist. Transfer the chicken pieces to dish pop in a hot oven for 5 minutes to brown for 5 – 10 minutes.

Get your lavash bread and dip each flatbread into the stock mix, lay on a baking sheet and pop into the oven for the last 5 minutes of the chicken cooking so that the edges crisp up slightly.

Now to assemble: Start by laying a layer of lavash bread onto a shallow round dish. Cover with the onions, another tsp sumac and seasoning and drizzle some of the leftover stock mix. Then add the chicken pieces on top, drizzle any leftover stock, sprinkle with a little sumac, seasoning and a spritz of lemon juice.  Sprinkle over the toasted almonds and Serve straight away with slices of lemon and some coriander sprigs.

Super Simple Za’atar bread

We know Za’atar as a mix of thyme, oregano, marjoram and sesame seeds. Mixed with oil and sumac, it gives flatbread a distinctly middle-eastern twist, and is lovely for breakfast with a dollop of labneh cheese. Makes 6-8 flatbreads.

  Ingredients:

For the bread:

1 cup tepid water

½ tsp caster sugar

2 tsp dry active yeast

3 cups plain flour

Generous inch salt

2-3 tbsps. olive oil

For the topping:

3 tbsps. each dried thyme, sumac, oregano and marjoram

2 tblspns sesame seeds

1 tsp sea salt

½ cup olive oil.

How to Make

Sprinkle the yeast onto the water and mix in with the sugar. Leave to stand for about 15 minutes until the surface of the water is foamy. Mix the flour and salt in a bowl, add the olive oil and rub in. Add the yeast mixture and mix to form a soft dough.

Turn onto a lightly floured surface and knead for about 5-7 minutes (10 if you are feeling strong enough). When it feels elastic, place in an oiled bowl, cover with clingfilm or a damp cloth and leave to rise for at least an hour. You want it to double in size. While the dough is rising, mix all the topping ingredients in a bowl and cover.

Heat the oven to 200C. Divide the dough into 8 balls, place on a baking sheet, cover and leave for about 20-30 mins to rise slightly again.

Lightly flour your work surface then take each ball of dough, flatten it slightly in your hands, then roll out to a medium sized disc. Make little dimples in each disc with your fingertips, and divide the topping among each one. Slide the discs onto a baking sheet and bake for about 8-10 minutes. Cool on racks and wither eat straight away, or warm up to serve later, either with labneh for breakfast, or a dinner like the Keralan Roadside Chicken in the picture below.

Qataifi

This is serious sugar rush territory. Less is deliciously more. You can make all the components in advance, then assemble and cook before serving. There are many ways to make these, but I have adapted Little Sunny Kitchen’s version here. Serves 6-8

Ingredients

For the pancakes:

1 cup plain flour

1 cup lukewarm water

½ cup milk

½ cup semolina

1 tsp baking powder

½ tsp dry active yeast

2 tbsp. sugar

2 tsp, vanilla

Pinch salt

For the syrup

1 cup water

2.5 cups caster sugar

1 tsp lemon juice

2 tsp orange flower water

For the fillings

250g ricotta

4 tsp icing sugar

50g chopped toasted pistachios and pecan nuts

1 500ml bottle sunflower oil, for frying

How to Make

First, make the pancakes. Put all the dry ingredients in a bowl, except the yeast. Add the yeast to the water with the sugar and leave for 10-15 minutes, until the surface of the water is foamy. Mix the yeast water and the vanilla in with the dry ingredients until it is smooth and properly mixed. Cover with clingfilm and leave to rise in a warm place for 30 minutes – an hour. The mixture should have expanded, and bubbly on the surface.

Heat a non-stick crepe pan and drop spoonfuls of the mix onto the pan so that they form medium sized discs. 

Cook for about 1-2 minutes each until lots of bubbles form on the surface and the pancake is dry. 

Do not flip it over, just pop onto a clean dishcloth and wrap immediately to prevent the pancakes drying out. Repeat with the rest of the mix. You should end up with about 20 pancakes. Let cool (they will soften as they cool) and then put into a sealed plastic container until you are ready to assemble.

Next, make your syrup: Put the water and sugar in a saucepan and bring to the boil. Add the lemon juice, mix and then simmer for about 7-10 minutes. Remove from the heat and add the orange flower water (you could add rosewater instead, but not everyone likes the perfumey taste). Cool completely – it will thicken slightly as it cools.

You are making two fillings for the pancakes: In one bowl mix the ricotta and icing sugar, in the other, mix the remaining icing sugar with the chopped, toasted nuts.

To assemble: take each pancake in one hand, add a tsp of either filling and seal then edges firmly into a half moon.

 Repeat with the remaining pancakes – you should have 10 ricotta and 10 nut, with some nuts in reserve.

Heat the oil until a cube of bread browns, then fry each sealed pancake for 1-2 minutes on each side, until lightly browned and crisp. Drain on kitchen paper.

When all the Qataifi are cooked, transfer to a dish, pour over the syrup, 

sprinkle with the remaining nuts and serve immediately.

[olgagarmash]

The Hierarchy of Nutrition

“I don’t know what to believe.”

If you’ve ever read a fitness magazine or searched for any health-related information on the Internet, this is probably how you feel. Or, maybe it’s more like, “WTF! Why does every piece of information contradict one another?”

Every day, it can seem like something is bad…and then good…and then bad again. At some point, you might even wonder what is safe to eat. 

First carbs are bad, then fats, and even protein is criticized (wrongly) for causing kidney issues.  

The campaigns to push dietary agendas are enough to make you think Paleo and Atkins are running against Mediterranean and Low-Sugar for the office of diet supremacy. Like any election, all candidates have their flaws, but that doesn’t mean they are fundamentally flawed. The diets that work are the ones that align with food preferences and lifestyle in a way that just fits. 

And while you can safely assume any plan that includes the words “cookie” or “miracle” is full of shit, trying to tackle every new diet trend would be an impossible task.

Instead of naming names, here are three simple tips to help you figure out what actually works and what might work best for you.

Table of Contents

Don’t believe any plan that points out one “enemy.”

So many new trends in the health and fitness world use smart marketing techniques to both scare you and promise quick results. 

Weight loss is a complex topic. If something promises to change one thing and everything will get better, then it’s probably a lie.

That’s because your ability to lose fat will be determined by calories, but that’s only a small piece of the picture. It’s also influenced by the quality of those calories, your hormones, stress levels, your health history, genetics, the exercise you perform, age, your family history, and a host of other factors. 

Does that mean you need to become an expert in nutrition in order to start a new eating plan? Most definitely not. But, it does mean that if any diet suggests changing one element is the “key to success,” you should be skeptical.

And yet, look for any diet book, and any of the following are singled out as the “primary” cause of weight gain:

Carbs

Fat

Wheat

Dairy

Gluten

Lactose

Sugar

Late-night eating

Fasting

Elimination of overnight meals

Processed and/or packaged foods

Can adjusting your diet around these principles lead to weight loss? Of course. But, it’s likely not the long-term solution. 

In general, you want to limit unnecessary restriction of foods you might enjoy. Completely removal limits the likelihood that you’ll stick with the plan, and that means it’s designed to fail. 

For example, some people might have to avoid certain foods or ingredients because of food allergies (this topic is an entirely different and fascinating beast), but most people are overreacting and cutting foods from their diet because they’ve been tricked into believing these “bad foods” are a health problem. They’re not. 

For the most part, odds are you don’t have a food allergy — no matter how much the latest book might try to convince you otherwise.

Case in point: Research found that 86 percent of people who thought they were gluten intolerant were not.  And scientists estimate that only one to two percent of people in the world actually suffer from gluten intolerance. 

If you’re truly allergic to a food, then you’ll experience a reaction in your body similar to how pollen crushes my sinuses every summer when you eat them.

But, this is where reality ends. If you’re trying to understand nutrition, it’s best to consider the words of Dr. Mike Israetel, a professor of exercise science.

“Ultimately, successfully countering weight gain and obesity is a combination of many nutrition and behavioral principles that keep the fundamentals (like calorie balance) in mind. Catchphrase demonization of a single nutrient as a magic-bullet cure is unlikely to ever be the solution, and–in fact–more likely to create problems and confusion about how to fight obesity.”

Think of dieting like dating (hear me out).

Looking at what works for your friend, sister, co-worker, or favorite Instagram star is a bad idea. And yet, that’s often how a lot of people get inspired to start a new diet. Instead, think of healthy eating like dating .

You wouldn’t choose to be in a relationship with someone who you despise from day one, so why would you do that with the foods you have to eat. Every. Single. Day.

Anything that sounds like it would make your life miserable is going to be a problem. Because while your body might survive just fine, your mind won’t. You will quit the plan, you will learn to hate nutrition, and you’ll probably end up more confused and a few pounds heavier than when you started.   

After working with hundreds of clients over the past 10 years, here are a few things I’ve seen:

Bad relationship No. 1: Molly wants to try a low-carb diet but loves pasta. She’ll be OK for four to six weeks, snap, pay rent at her favorite Italian spot for the next month, and then think dieting can’t work.

Bad relationship No. 2: Paul loves dessert. He tries a clean eating plan of chicken and broccoli… which satisfies him for about two weeks, before he becomes grumpy and hates his life.

Bad relationship No. 3: Rebecca loves breakfast. It’s her favorite meal of the day. But she’s heard that intermittent fasting works and that she needs to start her meals at 12 p.m. every day and only eat for an eight-hour window. This relationship does not go well.

The problems repeat over and over (and over) again. Choosing a diet because it sounds good or because it worked for your BFF and not prioritizing your personality, preferences, and lifestyle sets you up to fail before you’ve even stocked your fridge full of raw meat and vegetables (Paleo, anyone?).

You can build a healthy diet that’s higher-carb, allows dessert, and may or may not include breakfast (some mornings are crazy).

“Do what works for your body” is simple advice, but it works incredibly well. And it makes perfect sense. You have a different body from your friends or siblings, so why wouldn’t you want to make slight, personalized adjustments that seem to fit?

If you want to live a healthy, low-stress life, you need to consider whether a plan is a good fit for you. If it’s not, look for something else. There are a lot of options and a lot of them work, no matter how much certain experts may try to condemn competing ideologies.

At the end of the day, weight loss starts with burning more calories than you eat (science nerds call this a “caloric deficit.”) It doesn’t end there, and many other factors must be considered. But start with something doable and you won’t be finding yourself exhausted and frustrated in just a few weeks.

Don’t buy the hype

The most important parts of any healthy eating plan–whether low-carb, low-sugar, or anything in between–are consistency and sustainability. I’ve written about it many times, but four-week fat-loss plans are full of lies. 

“Thirty-day solutions” sound great on paper, but they don’t play out so well after the first 30 days. You can lose weight quickly, but most of those “get-fit quick” plans are all smoke and mirrors. 

Eating is social, fun, and should bring happiness. You should feel in control and know that your healthy choices are making a difference and helping in the ways you want.

The hardest thing about consistently eating healthy is the fact that no one wants to “be on a diet.” That’s why we’re often drawn to the quickest solution available, so we can get the results we want and return to our “normal” existence.

My suggestion: Do everything possible to ignore the instant gratification. It only leads to more frustration. It’s OK if you’re confused by food and nutrition and/or have no idea where to even begin. At some point, this is a struggle for everyone.

When it comes to nutrition and your body, you must see the bigger picture. Just as you don’t transform your body by doing one exercise repeatedly for 30 days, you won’t change your body permanently by committing to something for such a short period of time.

Exceptions exist, but if healthy weight loss is your goal, one to two pounds per week — on average — is a great goal. Anything faster than that usually means you’re losing more muscle (and not fat).

And the average part is important. One week you might lose 4 pounds. The next week you might lose zero pounds. Think of weight loss in 2-4 week periods but mini-stalls are part of the process. 

Many people quit their weight loss journey because they think they are stuck when, in reality, they are still on track. 

The 1-2 pounds per week might not sound like much, but it adds up fast. Think about it: you can stick with it for three months, you could be looking at as much as 25 pounds of fat loss. Not too bad, right? And because it was done progressively, focusing on what works instead of hype and false promises, you’re more likely to keep it off for good.

Need help figuring out the best diet plan for your needs?

Get your questions answered. Sign up for Born Fitness online coaching. To learn more, click here.

READ MORE: 

Why 99% of Diet Plans Really Fail (Hint: It’s Not Dessert)

FLAWED: The Tom Brady and Giselle Bündchen Diet Plan

Do You Really Need To Eat Chicken And Broccoli?

source https://wealthch.com/the-hierarchy-of-nutrition/

[farfarbetterdream]

another tag game!

I was tagged by: @absentmindeduniverse. I enjoy seeing you on my dash and reglogging (probably too much) from you!

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people. 

damn that’s a lot of statements. and a lot of people to tag...

last

1. drink - water. before that, coffee. 2. phone call - skype call with my parents 3. text message - a friend about her afternoon plans 4. song you listened to - Astronaut by Gregory Alan Isakov 5. time you cried - a week ago

ever

6. dated someone twice? - no. never even dated anyone once. 7. kissed someone and regretted it -  never kissed anyone besides a dare when i was 10 that barely counts, so... 8. been cheated on - again, never been in a relationship so no. 9. lost someone special - romantically, no. family, yes. 10. been depressed - not sure 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - ok yes BUT iblamethecheapalcoholnottheamoutidrank

fave colours

12. forest green 13. a nice warm neutral tan/beige 14. deep blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yeah! 16. fallen out of love - would have to fall in love first 17. laughed until you cried - all the fucking time 18. found out someone was talking about you - nope 19. met someone who changed you - not really 20. found out who your friends are - yeah i guess? 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - wow this thing is just trying to rub it in my face that i’ve never been kissed, isn’t it :/

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - pretty sure all of them. or at least used to know irl.

23. do you have any pets -  black standard poodle named Tikva. his name means hope in hebrew, because we got him right before the 2008 election and Obama’s slogan was hope!

24. do you want to change your name - when i was a lot younger i used to consider changing to the normal american pronunciation of hannah instead of the hebrew pronunciation. now i like it.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - it was my 21st so even though i’m abroad and could already drink, I went out and celebrated by going to a few bars and pubs.

26. what time did you wake up today - 4 AM when my noisy flatmate came in >:( then again at 8.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - zzzzzzzzzzzz

28. what is something you cant wait for - getting to travel around the Scottish Highlands and do a bunch of hiking over spring break!

idk why there’s no 29...

30. what are you listening to right now - not currently listening to any music but in general i’ve been listening to dermot kennedy a lot recently

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - my best friend in preschool was named tom. then we didn’t see each other for six years. then we went to the same middle school and was a dick to me. probably because he wanted to be part of the cool crowd and i was decidedly not cool 32. something that’s getting on your nerves - my flatmate constantly being so fucking loud and waking me up all the time 33. most visited website - my university email 34. hair colour - brown 35. long or short hair - currently just past shoulder length but that’s longer than i usually like it 36. do you have a crush on someone - maybe. i had a crush on a guy last year for a while. haven’t seen him in forever but also haven’t gotten any new crushes. if i saw him again i think i’d probably still have a crush on him tbh. good thing he’s graduating so i’ll probably never see ihm again :/ 37. what do you like about yourself - honestly? most of the time nothing. 38. want any piercings? - i have one lobe piercing and one cartilage piercing in each ear, but I want more. probably won’t get it though since my ears don’t heal very well from them. 39. blood type - O negative. universal donor, woo woo. 40. nicknames - hannahleh and pumpkin by my parents

41. relationship status - unfortunately single

42. zodiac - Aquarius 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - Black Sails, The 100, and Doctor Who. Also Game of Thrones, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Wynonna Earp, The X-Files, and countless others. 45. tattoos -  no but i kind of want want 46. right or left handed - right handed 47. ever had surgery - i had my wisdom teeth removed, but that’s it. 48. piercings - two on each ear 49. sport - i run and work out for exercise and recreation, but have never done any sports. i enjoy watching basketball occasionally  50. vacation - i like going places with beautiful nature to hike in or lots of historic sites to visit. technically you could say that i’m on an extended vacation right now since i’m studying abroad in scotland. last vacation was to Italy, next one is to the Highlands (unless it decides to snow). 51. trainers - such a weird word. yeah i wear them a lot because i run/work out and also they’re so comfortable to walk around in

more general 

52. eating - does this mean what i’m eating right now??? if so then nothing. at tortellini, spinach, chicken, and a sweet potato about 2 hours ago. about to go eat some chocolate fudge ice cream.

53. drinking - water. i constantly sip water.

54. i’m about to watch - nothing. i’m about to go eat dessert, take a shower, and then do homework.

55. waiting for - the results of the two essays i’ve turned in so far this semester, spring break, and The 100 season 5 premier

56. want - fresh baked cake or cookies, to see my family and my dog, warm weather, to fall in love, to figure out what i want to do with my life 57. get married - definitely, but not anytime in the near future.

58. career - currently a student, don’t really know what i want my career to be in. probably something related to sustainability, environmental education, climate change, cultural heritage protection, or museums. something that helps the world.

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs 60. lips or eyes - i’m assuming all of these are about what we prefer/care more about in a romantic partner. eyes maybe? 61. shorter or taller - kinda have a thing for really tall boys. 62. older or younger - definitely older. 63. nice arms or stomach - holy fuck nice arms do something to me. 64. hookup or relationship - relationship. zero interest in hookups.  65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant. that’s my middle name. jk it’s leah. but i would actually say that being hesitant is one of my worst character traits.

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - we’ve already established here that i have kissed no one. 67. drank hard liquor - i tried rum once when i was like 12 because we found it in a cabinet in our house and i wanted to be like a pirate. pretty sure my dad laughed at me when i choked on it. also done shots of hard liquor. 68. lost glasses - occasionally but only for very brief periods of time. sometimes i’ll take them off at home and forget where i left them in the house. 69. turned someone down - yes 70. sex on first date - no 71. broken someones heart - no but then again i’m usually clueless/oblivious so idk. maybe disappointed people briefly but not broken their heart. 72. had your heart broken - no  73. been arrested - naw 74. cried when someone died -yeah 75. fallen for a friend - i got a crush on a guy i was friends with freshman year of high school. 

do you believe in

76. yourself - rarely 77. miracles - no 78. love at first sight - i don’t think so. attraction, yes. love, no. 79. santa claus - jewish, so no. 80. kiss on a first date - please someone take me on a first date and kiss me. 81. angels - no

other

82. best friend’s name - i’m don’t really think i have a best friend. i have a number of close friends but i’m not good at opening up to people the way i think best friend connotes. but probably my oldest closest friend has the same name as me. 83. eye colour - green 84. fave movie - The Princess Bride even though I always get annoyed by how little Buttercup does. Crossing Delancey is my favorite rom com because it’s hilarious and sweet and super jewish. Also Romancing the Stone because it’s an adventure rom com. The Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley is gorgeous. Also always a sucker for the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and the Lord of the Rings movies. 85. fave actor - Tom Hanks because he’s an amazing actor, I’ve liked him in everything I’ve seen him in, and he’s just a precious human being.

tagging a combination of people i know irl and mutuals that I’ve mostly never talked to because i’m super awkward, you can do this if you want, or feel free to ignore it: @the-sadpotato, @ryostrenchcoat, @pinevillagegirl, @ineedpeetalikehekneadsbread, @hufflepuffhermione, @dweebshark, @kleinundasinine, @im-wallpapering-my-locker, @captain-fflewddurfflam, @thedarrparrot, @theavathedork, @geese-juggler, @addyleeliu, @bellarkeaddict, @thren0dy, @veganmewsings, @mistamie