#get all the evil in an orderly queue and call on them one by one to be handled swiftly

[tuttle-did-it]

Okay I officially do not have the energy to keep up with all of this. Can all of the Evil* on this world please just get in an orderly queue and step up one at a time for us to band together to defeat you, please? Then onto the next one. I think you might agree that this constant barrage from all sides is too difficult to keep up with.

*examples of evil include but are not limited to: corrupt and psychopath politicians destroying the social infrastructure and basic human rights for their own gain and entertainment; revolting diabolical billionaires acting like Bond villains; Capitalism; Neo-Nazis (including MAGA); rampant racism, queerphobia, genocide; misogyny, fascism; economic crises; evisceration of rights for queers, women, disabled people, immigrants, refugees; greedy corporate shills and banks getting buy outs and billions in bonuses when most of us can’t pay rent; allowing constant shootings to continue, even when they are done by children in fucking schools what the fuck are you thinking?; the planet’s imminent destruction and many species of animal and plant life with it; people who genuinely delight in doing all of this; and more.

[solongllondon]

13 and 16 for non-us asks pls 😌

sofia!! thank u angel!!! 🧡

13. does your country (or family) have any specific superstitions or traditions that might seem strange to outsiders?

not sure about country but my dad and I can’t pass the salt without putting it down, aka I can’t hand you the salt, I have to put it down in front of you because when I was a child my dad said it’s bad luck to hand someone salt and it stuck lol and in a similar line of thinking i throw a kernel of salt over my shoulder three times if I ever spill any bc it’s supposed to ward off evil or something lol 

oh!! i just remembered!! countrywide superstition that turned in to tradition is carnival!! (we call it fastnacht where im from but oh well) it started as a thing where people, back in the day, would dress in costumes to haunt the winter away (I think?) and by now it’s just a week-long excuse to get drunk and wear crazy costumes. it varies from region to region but where i grew up there’s a lot more to it than that too but I absolutely hate fastnacht so I haven’t celebrated it since i was a kid and usually hide in my house for a week lol (where im from we used to get a vacation for the week bc it’s in the middle of the school year but that’s apparently only common in my region lol) 

16. which stereotype about your country you hate the most and which one you somewhat agree with?

okay there’s a really heavy answer to this and a more light-hearted one. im gonna go with the light-hearted one lol. we don’t wear dirndl and lederhosen all the time. or ever, really. people wear them once a year if they go to Oktoberfest but that’s it. I’ve never seen someone wear one just because, lol. i think they’d be wildly uncomfortable tbh but I’ve never worn either so my guess is as good as yours on that one lmao. 

okay. so. german people do generally like punctuality. and we do queue very nicely and calmy and orderly. but that’s really all I can think of about stereotypes  that fit lol (however, i’m never on time unless it’s for the airport or really important meetings lol) 

thank you!! 🧡

✨ send me non-US specific asks ✨

[photosynthefish-12]

Last night, the strongest part of my dream was that there were 3 cat wizards on a magic “island” (I never saw the sea, so I doubt it was actually an island). We had just gotten back to the house from doing something (probably the previous part of the dream where we fought monsters from a “snow hive” and one of our allies got taken hostage by a surprise evil wizard), and were beginning to settle in when there was a noise outside. 

There should not be anything making noise outside - we were alone, surrounded by thick snow and dense magical forest. The house had 3 doors: a front door, a back door, and the garage door. I went out through the garage door to investigate, and found a car parked in the garage. We did not have a car, so I shifted my density up and jumped on it a few times to destroy the engine. Something was moving outside, in the thinner tangle of trees between us and what would be the next door neighbor in the IRL equivalent of that house. There were 2 more cars (well, a car and a truck) parked there, and I destroyed them in the same way while watching for what had made the sounds. It turned out to be an armed man, who rushed me with a knife as I was finishing with the second car. I grabbed him by the throat and snapped his neck, then tossed his body to the ground and finished disabling the cars. I kept watching him to see if he would get back up. 

I went inside briefly, the cat wizards were worried. If a magic tome was also on this particular magic island (in some ancient temple deep into the forest, behind many layers of defenses), then it was possible for a ritual to gain enormous power by killing all 3 of the cat wizards. It would be far easier to get the cat wizards off the island than to check whether the book was there, but we’d have to prepare first. I went back outside to patrol while the others prepared to leave.

There was something in the snow. Small blue dots, faint blue threads, glowed up from underneath. I turned into a dragon and torched it. The fungus rose up from the snow, thrashing around. I kept my distance and torched a wide swath around the back porch to be sure. The dragon had bad sight. 

I turned human again to examine the remains, then noticed that there were many people waiting and preparing weapons around the porch and that side of the house. A few had lit fires. We were surrounded by the snow, still, thick and undisturbed.

“Form an orderly queue, single file, starting here!” I commanded.

They ignored me, and while I was speaking one rushed up the stairs, through the screen door (it was latched) and through the back door into the house. Someone in the house called for help, just as the assassin was closing the door behind herself. I rushed up, phasing through the screen door, and phased my hand through the back door to rip her heart out.

Bloody-handed, I dragged the body down the stairs. It had a definite weight to it, thumping over each of them. I left it at the bottom. That got their attention, and I got all of the seekers to line up as I had ordered.

“Anyone want to help me dismember this and leave a piece by each door?” 

Hopefully, it would discourage anyone from trying them. No one did, so I left the body where it lay.

“There are a lot of you, so I might decide to get creative,” I yelled in that same tone of command, “if you try to kill the cat wizards, I will kill you.”

I turned to the first person in the line: “why are you here?”

The first few were there to kill the cat wizards. I killed them as I had promised. There were enough people here that I could form a barricade in front of each door with the bodies.

Then there was someone with a different purpose: an old man, dressed simply, who appeared to have no weapons. He said he was there to take the tome from the isle.

“Tell me again,” I said, stepping closer, “and if you are lying I will kill you.”

He did, and he was not lying. I drew a seal on his hand in my own blood and told him to go into the forest to retrieve the tome. If he needed help, I told him, breaking the seal would call me.

There was such a long line of people waiting, probably all to kill the cat wizards. With a snap of my fingers, they were rooted to the ground. I stepped back inside, they were not yet ready to go.

And from there the dream faded off into waking.

[solohux]

Random Fic Rec ★~(◡‿◕✿)  

I’m really salty about seeing the same writers on almost every rec list in our fandom, so here are some fresh fics that’ve been posted within the last month that you may have missed!

--> Under Starlight by @fluffybunnyremi ♡  After a stressful week studying for finals, Ben decides to take his very stressed-out boyfriend's fate into his own hands. Despite his studious efforts, Hux refuses to believe him, and so Ben brings out the big guns: stargazing and fluffy nests. (modern au, benarmie, adorable fluff)

--> Regretful Message by @rannystuffandthings (WIP) ♡ Hiding from the Resistance should be easy when they already believe they've killed you. But when you're General Armitage Hux and you can't seem to recall becoming Emperor to the entire Galaxy, it becomes a little more difficult. (emperor hux, hux’s brother techie, lots of action & twists, generally brilliant!)

--> Splutter by @evermoringlyfine ♡ Hux pulls on the cigarette with relish, the smoke curling over his own face in the still air as he looks at Kylo. (dominant hux, blood, lots of excellent smutty description)

--> the entire Evil Space Dads series by @oblioknowlton ♡ stories where the evil space husbands are evil space dads (if you like mpreg then you have to read these fics, they’re all so in-character and features lots of protective hux & protective kylo!)

--> Accidental Kidnapping by @asphodel-storm ♡ Realizing that his jedi training is making the dark voice in his head stronger, not weaker, young Ben Solo sets out alone to live a life of adventure as an outlaw. He didn't mean to force the cute ginger boy to come with him, he was just sort of on the ship. (puppy love, benarmie, very cute!)

--> Of Pots and Vials by twitch ♡ Kylo receives a message that Hux should've received. Two of them. So he might've gone behind Hux's back to take him on a date to a space-station. A meeting. But Kylo is the one caught off guard by the three men. Well, two men and one man of his own species. And a Head Bartender. Really. (drug use, heavy petting & rutting, overconfident hux, super good fill for a kinkmeme prompt)

--> all about that napping life by @irisparry ♡ Hux thinks he understands what Kylo Ren wants from him. So does Kylo Ren. (elements of dubcon, inappropriate use of the force)

more under the cut!

--> Don’t Be Shy (You’ve Been Here Before) by @cut-off-the-grain ♡ ‘The call of the Light, the call of the Dark, have never been so tempting as Hux’s hands in his hair as Hux wrangles him this way and that with only the gentlest of touches against his scalp. Hux moves him, moulds him, guides him, in the same exacting manner he does battle plans and blueprints, but with a languidness which has no place in warfare. Instead of harsh words and reprimands for failure there is only Hux whispering “shh, darling, calm down, no rush" until Ren is trembling and desperate, his hands and his mind full of Hux, Hux, Hux.'Hux touches Ren. Ren falls in love. (Hux was already there.) (first time, touch-starved kylo, very soft and very lovely, a favourite of mine)

--> Carpet Burns by @ellstra ♡  Hux's fascination with Imperial officers is not only professional. Kylo decides Hux deserves to relieve the pressure of command for once, and buys an Imperial uniform from Space ebay™.  (uniform kink, dominant kylo, you need this brilliance in your life trust me)

--> Training by @kylux-fic-hell ♡  Sensing that his apprentice is too pure and still lacks control, Snoke orders Kylo to lose his virginity as part of his training. Kylo can only think of one person in the Order to approach. (virgin kylo, first time, tender hux, a different approach on the ‘virgin kylo’ trope, and one that i love very much)

--> Café Culture by @verybadhedgehog ♡ Hux invites Ren to his office for a role playing session centred around the concept of a blowjob cafe. (roleplay scenario, blowjobs, genuinely made me laugh)

--> Sit, Ren. by raventhewritingdesk ♡ Hux is overworked. Ren comes home. (fluff, sleepy boys, really lovely + soft)

--> It’s Only Cheating If You Get Caught by @glass-oceans ♡ Hux keeps winning at poker despite Kylo's force sensitivity until kylo finds out hux's been cheating the whole time. (strip poker, rough sex, snarky hux is the best hux)

--> Repression, Displacement...Undoing by symphorophilia ♡ After seeing that they enjoy size difference when they're in bed together, Hux secretly changes his diet to make the difference greater. Kylo enjoys how small Hux starts to get, but feels guilt as Hux only gets smaller, encouraged by the praise. Kylo tries to fix the disordered eating he's unintentionally caused Hux by offering to bulk up himself, if Hux will just stop losing weight.  Both Kylo Ren and Hux realize they're addicted to being the cause of each other's bodily changes, but struggle to keep their size difference healthy. (size difference, feeding, lots of smut and feels)

--> odium, in revelation by symphorophilia The Xenomorph did not have the ability to find a Queen within the atmosphere of Quesh, and so it took one, reformed the strongest mind that it had found into a mate, a warm sheath for its brood. (hux/xenomorph, oviposition, breeding, if you like hux/aliens then omg *incoherent excited babbling*) 

--> the entire Something series by @kylux-fic-hell ♡ Redemption AU following Hux and Kylo as they defect from the First Order in order to protect their child from being used as a weapon by Snoke. They flee to the Resistance and the protection of General Organa and begin to build a new life for themselves. However, they live in fear that Snoke will hunt them down and tempt their son to the Dark Side... (pregnant kylo, family feels, a very good redeemed au!)

--> Trust to Surrender by @theonewhositswiththeturtles ♡ Their relationship was born from stubbornness. Accusations turned to taunts turned to challenges. Kylo didn’t remember who moved first; maybe they both moved together. But fingers tore at buttons and zippers in tandem as bodies collided. (a perfect emenies-to-lovers fic, amazing smut and brilliant angst)

--> Friends With Renefits by @moonwalkingcrab (WIP) ♡ The Rules: 1. Just sex, no feelings 2. The arrangement lasts as long as is beneficial 3. Either party can choose to end the arrangement, no questions asked 4. No kissing (modern au, do yourself a massive favour and read this masterpiece)

--> Orderly Conduct by @francisthegreat ♡ In which Kylo Ren wears a First Order officer's uniform. (uniform kink, jealous hux, brilliant smut)

--> Misinterpretation by @sinningsquire ♡ The will of the Force is never easy to guess. (pre-tfa, gorgeous enemies-to-lovers, i adore this a lot)

--> Convivial Society by @vadianna ♡ Leia doesn't know what to think when she sees the report about two First Order prisoners taken by surprise. They are suspected First Order officers, but the field can't verify this.She understands better when General Hux is brought before her, obviously caught in the middle of some rather intense sexual intercourse.She has to ask. (drug usem interrogation, FANFIC GOLD SO GOOD)

--> Exam Time by @redcole ♡ Kylo convinces his doctor boyfriend into an exam at the office. (modern au, medical kink, prostate milking, i love fics with a medical kink and this is perfection)

--> oh, is it love? by @42dicks (WIP) ♡ Armitage Hux (16, scary) is a "Counselor in Training" at Camp Endor where he has spent far too many summers. His father, up until this year, was a Counselor himself and Armitage suffers under his shadow. Ben Solo (15, doesn't want to be here) is forced to attend Camp Endor after prior efforts to get him out of his room and enjoy his summer vacation fail. Queue two socially alienated teens accepting each other's company after a series of shared mishaps, and more making out than is probably healthy. (1970′s summer camp au, lots of perfect awkward teenage flirting)

--> ataraxia by @milarca ♡ Hux likes to tease Kylo, and Kylo likes it when he's left wanting. (modern au, dominant hux, orgasm denial, ahhhhhhh so hot okay read it noooow)

--> Aubade by @radartechie ♡  Kylo Ren returns to his Emperor after a long and gruelling military campaign. They enjoy a rare quiet morning together as their twins' arrival draws closer. (pregnant hux, emperor hux, pregnant sex and really soft too, if you like mpreg then youll love this!)

--> Fall Out by thedarkbakura (WIP) ♡ General Hux has a new weapon in the works, but attempting to silence a growing resistance leads to an attempt on his life. Kylo Ren will do everything to fix this, even drain his own powers. (hurt hux, protective kylo, a lot of promise and i can’t wait for more updates!)

--> Desperate Measures by @thesunandoceanblue ♡ Poe woke up on restrained on a table to the voice of the enemy mocking him. It wasn't what one would call a regular interrogation. (poe/hux, power bottom hux, dubcon, reeeeally lovely)

enjoy, darlings!