#genuinely the only plastic surgery im likely to get | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lawluenvy · 2 years ago

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you know what im no longer gonna pretend im one of those "learn to accept your natural self and beauty" people cuz im not cuz if i had the excess money that would allow it i would get cosmetic surgery in a heartbeat - mostly just a bunch of kinds of lipo but that's still a cosmetic surgery.

i don't need a nose job or to reshape my face or other plastic surgeries but i DO need to get rid of these flabby arms so that i might actually have shoulders again and i can wear shirts with normal sleeves and my thighs so i dont have to suffer through unbearable chafing rashes every time i wanna wear shorts and my tummy so i can just wear my favourite high waisted pants again without looking pregnant when im not and NEVER will be and just !!!

i wanna look like a teenage girl again!!! i hate looking so womanly i hate it so so so so much it's not a gender dysphoria it's some other body dysphoria it's an "i feel safer when i am small and petite and i can fit in small spaces and weave through crowds almost unseen and i have only mildly feminine curves but nothing overly sexual(ized)" and just GAHHHH.

i hate bodies.

i hate having a body so much.

im telling you the SECOND they find out how to upload our conscience to an android body i am OUT OF THIS FLESH SUIT!

i can modify it to look however i want! i'll be 5'2" and my legs will finally be longer than my torso and i'll have sharp shoulders so straps of all kinds don't constantly fall off i'm gonna have built in pockets on my thighs and my hips and fuck it -- I wanna pretty little built in designs on my "skin" that aren't just tattoos and just afdjdkakshfks

most of all i just really miss my favourite clothes. i miss my adolescent agender streetwear. i miss how baggy clothes would swallow me up so you can hardly tell i have a shape at all - now that just cant be done. i cant hide my shape like i used to when i want to - that option has been taken away from me.

im not "fat" and i know that and anyone who is would hate me for talking about this but i am solidly mid-sized now and have been for a couple of years and i just refuse to accept it. i cant. i cant i cant i cant.

i know a lot of it is still ingrained fatphobia cuz lord knows if your waist is not 0-4 then you're too fat for modern society!!!! but gods i just dont even care i just CANT bring myself to care when it's not just that im uncomfortable with how others might perceive me and how the media wants me to perceive myself (beyond my issues with being seen as a mature woman which i just REALLY CANNOT think about or address cuz it will be awful always) --

it's more than that cuz im just genuinely uncomfortable!!! it's not like i grew up this way and have had years to get used it and haven't known any other way-- i had to replace my whole wardrobe! my beautiful collection of fashion that i spent $100s on from high school to third year university! the clothes i thrifted from shimokitazawa in japan! the fucking inability to wear shorts in the summer and getting the worst fucking swamp ass in the slightest degrees of hot weather and being unable to bend and twist my body without a roll of fat getting squished and pinched and genuinely hurting and causing me pain and i just cant.

i cant get used to this.

i dont know how to change this.

i dont know how to get rid of it.

im on so many meds now and they have forced me to sacrifice my body for my brain and it's only barely worth it cuz at least i only wanna kill myself 10% of the year now but as of 2023 the adverse effects it has had on me physically is coming right back around to bite me in my giant ass and so far i have spent all of it just wanting to die and to disappear because i am so unhappy with myself and i cant express myself anymore beyond dying my hair.

hair dye is the only thing i have left.

it's stupid but it matters so much to me. as someone who was so heavily policed on my appearance growing up in the environment that i did - ever since leaving the church, learning to express myself through fashion has been so important to me and now the very mental illnesses the church exacerbated in me is taking that away nearly a decade after i escaped

it always comes back. the damage that upbringing did to me will never be undone.

the worst part is knowing it's too late. going off my meds now wouldn't fix it. my body has been permanently altered. there's no magic pill that will fix this problem for me and because of my emotional magic pills - no reasonable exercise routine or diet change will fix this either

i worked a hard labour job for a whole year and i didnt eat much and i barely noticed a difference.

it's just gone.

the body i finally learned to love after being taught to hate it all my life is gone.

i am once again stuck with and trapped in something i hate.

and i don't WANT to love it. i don't WANT to accept it because i shouldn't have to!!!

i just wanna be small.

dear gods it's more than just about being skinny again - i want to be small

it's not enough that my fiancé tells me he likes that im chubby- he could say it a million times over and over again assuring me that no matter what i'm still beautiful to him at least but it will never be enough cuz i don't care if other people still think im pretty or beautiful or sexy *vomit* (thank the gods he knows not to use that word with me) ---

no one else's opinions matter!!!

i hate it! i hate it i hate it i hate it and i hate it even more knowing that on some level my new curves are actually more attractive to people and if i only found the right style of clothing then objectively yes i would look good but

I DONT CARE!

i dont like it!

i like my old clothes.

i dont want to learn how to dress this body because i dont like it!

it doesn't matter what anyone says because i feel ugly even though i know im not.

but i look in the mirror and i look at my closet and i see the couple of clothes im hanging onto deluding myself into thinking one day i might be able to wear them again without them looking trashy cuz they dont suit my new shape ----- and i just want to claw all of it off!!! everything!!!

i want rip through this skin, crawl out of my flesh and emerge something else entirely even if it's terrifying to anyone else i! don't! care!

because at least i would like it.

maybe i would look like a witchy tiny twig that might crawl out of your TV screen all cracking bones and pale skin --- but at least I would be happy because it would be me.

the me that i used to love.

#arrie rants #personal #text #mine #body negativity #asexual #weight #body image #suicide #depression #fat #meds

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satanfemme · 2 years ago

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hey. i'm thinking of doing my top too but i am: scared and also: worried. how did u know you wanted it?

As a heads up, I'm gonna give you a different answer than what most other trans men are going to tell you about top surgery. ime, most men describe it as necessary, to relieve painful dysphoria, etc. which I'm sure are reasons you've heard before! but just know going into this response that ur gonna get something a lil unusual! thank u

so at the time I received top, I was 18-19 (decided I wanted to go forward it at 18, received it 2 months into being 19), tho ofc I'd already fantasized about it for years at that point too. I also identified as "just" nonbinary at that point, preferred they/them pronouns, and wanted to be fully androgynous in a genderless sort of way.... ironic considering how androgynous in a gender-FULL way I am now hdfjhgdfgfg. but! importantly, I also didn't experience dysphoria!!!!! + I still don't!

I did experience "social dysphoria", but since this was fully in relation to how others were treating me, rather than my actual body or some kind of internal angst, I never felt comfy calling it dysphoria. this is especially relevant in the case of surgery ofc, because I never had a moment where I saw my breasts pre-top and felt miserable over them or anything. no crying in the mirror moments for me, not over this, sorry. like, I've joked on here before about how I prefer being topless/nude whenever in private? well this was completely true pre-top as well, I was constantly tits out a lot of the time and this simply wasn't a problem for me. ffs I was too lazy to bind at ALL in the months leading up to my surgery, and didn't own bras post-middle school. so I was literally counting down the days til my breasts would be removed, while also just kinda letting them do whatever they wanted under my shirt anyway cause I couldn't be bothered. my "problem" with them was only that others would misgender me, whether they knew my pronouns/gender or not. so I wanted to find ways to masculinize myself somewhat, top surgery was one of those ways.

but that's only half the reason ofc! when I refer to transition related surgery as "plastic surgery" I'm only half kidding, because tho I know most others wouldn't label it that way, this is genuinely how I see it personally. idk whether or not I'd have gone thru with it just for strangers to read me a certain way, but it doesn't matter cause in reality a lot of my motivation was internally driven.... in that: I thought it'd look cute 💁‍♂️. u know when you're a kid and you imagine your ideal adulthood self? for me I would imagine a very genderless body, while I played with gothic fashion over it. wrt the former I'd imagine a flat chest, no visible genitalia under my bush, a general twink-y look. and I even briefly considered not getting nipple grafts, to contribute to this fully neutrois, almost inhuman, aesthetic. (my primary gender identities at the time were "neutrois" and "angel" to give u a better taste of the vibes here). but like I said, this wasn't in any way an angst to me, but rather thoughts I had in the same vein as when people casually wish their jawline was a "better" shape, their hair was shinier, or that they had a different eye color or something. u know what I mean? in some ways, I was even a little sad about losing my breasts (pre-top, never post), because I thought they were very cute too! just not cute for my ideal persona 🤷‍♂️.

anyway those were my two reasons, which in my mind at the time weren't even "how do I know I want it" as much as "lol I want it". and I type this out in so much detail on purpose cause like... so much has changed for me since then! I no longer care how others gender me 90% of the time (the exceptions are when my bio family does it, or if I feel the need to be stealth out of safety, like in men's rooms or prev workplaces). I also have a completely different view of my gender now! I'm a femme man :-) I'm still nonbinary, but not in the sense that I'm "neutral". rather, in the sense that I'm everything when I want to be :-)!!! in the years since my top surgery, I've also realized I have DID and psychosis, which greatly influence my gender, and basically guarantee that it'll continue to change over time.

and to conclude: I don't regret the surgery at all!! I LOVE having top surgery I LOVE having stretched out DI scars and I LOVE my hyperpigmented scarred nipples and I LOVE being flat! to be frank, I made this decision as a fucked up and impulsive teenager in the midst of a psychotic episode, with 0 self awareness nor even the healthy amount of pre-surgery anxiety/contemplation -- AND IT WAS ONE OF THE BEST DECISIONS OF MY LIFE! I don't know if these anecdotes help you, and I can not decide for you whether you "should" get top surgery or not. but these are the realities of my transition, and I like being able to offer this perspective for anyone who doesn't connect with the stereotypical ones. cause in my mind, after seeing both "sides" of our oppression claim that you can't make these decisions while mentally ill, or you can't make these decisions on frivolous impulse, or you can't make these decisions when young - lest you regret it for the rest of your life - the heart of my story here is truly "fuck that -- BODY AUTONOMY FOR ALL!"

and I'm very proud of that :-)

#Anonymous #thx for reading I hope this at least gives u something to think about even if it's not directly helpful to u #and regardless of what u decide: I wish u a lot of luck and love anon!

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pinksatinsashes · 3 years ago

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Hi hannah! recently there’s been some controversy of being “that girl” and how it’s glorified on tiktok. I love self improvement tumblr because it’s the best thing that’s happened to me and im sure a lot of us! it’s a sense of community! It’s giving me anxiety that “that girl” is being looked down upon when it’s a motivator factor for me to be my dream girl

Hi angel!

Honestly I don't get the controversy and hatred of the trend if I'm being completely honest. I'm not sure if it's because I've made an effort not to get annoyed or bothered by things that don't matter or what but my ultimate verdict is:

It's really not that deep.

I live a life of not stressing my self out about things that don't matter so when I see others doing it, it's just like? Why?

When I see something dumb I go "well that's dumb" then I scroll along. I don't go on about it and ruin it for other people.

Anyway, you want my opinion so lets get into it.

As I said I get both sides.

The Positive Side

The "That girl" trend has inspired a lot of people to take better care of themselves. Do regular exercise, eat better, take care of their mental health.

And seeing as right now things that are being glorified are:

Getting plastic surgery to fit the beauty standard (which is literally always changing)

Victimising yourself in literally every way possible.

Talking bad about yourself as a form of "humour".

Binge eating unhealthy food for views.

Doing drugs and binge drinking.

Trauma dumping

Sharing literally every detail of your life for full on strangers to see.

Being a bimbo????

The That Girl trend is absolutely not the worst thing to come out of tiktok or social media in general.

Now do I think the 'That girl' trend is the best thing ever? Absolutely not.

The Negative Side

Now I'm not even going to talk about how people think its unrealistic and unattainable because I completely disagree and wholeheartedly believe that people are trying to make excuses.

Because waking up early drinking green juice, working out, journalling and meditating really isn't that hard.

I can genuinely do all of that before 9am if I wanted to. Do I? No, because I don't want to.

I don't like green juice and it's really not that great for you. By juicing the fruit and veg you're removing the majority of the fibre and leaving a bunch of sugar with reduced nutritional value. Now this would be fine if it actually tasted good, but it doesn't to me. I'm not trying to act like I'm better than anyone but if I'm going to drink something with very little nutritional value it better taste good.

I don't like waking up "early" to go work out. I wake up at 7-8am every day and that's good enough for me. I also don't like working out in the morning, it tires me out. I work out at 4pm, get home, cook and eat my dinner then chill for a few hours and go to sleep. I always get the best sleep when I do this and it's what works best for me.

I also don't like meditating or journalling in the morning either, I do both those things right before bed.

This all leads to my biggest problem about this trend.

While scrolling through tiktok the other day (before I deleted it) I saw this girl showing the behind the scenes to her self care account. The things she shows in those videos she didn't actually do. She'd get into her shower, film turning it on and never get in, film the face masks and never put them on and lay out pyjamas that she never wore.

It got me to thinking, how many people on the "That girl" trend are actually doing the things that they show and how many are just holding the pose for a second or two for the video then go pig out on the sofa.

My biggest problem is that people are doing it for the trend, for the aesthetic.

The that girl trend is an issue because of what it is.

The that girl trend is about becoming THAT girl that everyone sees on social media that has their life together, and while that isn't inherently wrong, the problem is that it's not really about being "That girl" it's about LOOKING like that girl.

No one is really doing the exercise to look after their body and become healthier, they're doing it to post it on their stories.

No one is drinking green juice because they like it or because it's good for them, they're drinking it because of the trend.

That's the problem, people aren't actually improving themselves, they're just pretending to.

Because self improvement isn't about waking up early drinking green juice, working out, journalling and meditating.

It's about doing things in that are actually achievable and can be maintained. There is no way that I can maintain waking up at 5am everyday to go to the gym, I tried it and I hated it. Now I wake up when I want to and go to the gym at a time that makes sense for me.

Self improvement isn't about journalling because of a trend, it's about journalling for whichever reason that you want to journal. I journal to organise and make sense of my thoughts which VASTLY helps my mental health. Others my journal just so they can look back on their previous days.

Self improvement isn't about eating healthy because of a trend, it's about eating healthy because listen, you only have this one life and this body and if you're going to be here living you better make the most of it and look after yourself.

When you do things because it's trendy, you miss the point a lot of the time. For example, half the 'healthy' meals I see aren't even that healthy. And also what's healthy for me may not be healthy for you.

Self improvement is about improving yourself, not about trying to come across a certain way for social media.

That girl isn't being looked down upon, "That girl" is inspiring but guess what, she does what she does because she wants to and it makes sense for her. not for social media.

Lastly, my love to answer the rest of your question.

"That Girl" Tikok vs Self Improvement Tumblr

I honestly don't think they're the same at all, though they can be if you only follow the aesthetic accounts on Tumblr.

I find that self improvement Tumblr teaches you ways to improve your life. Teaches you how to set boundaries and how to make yourself feel and look better. I've seen so many posts speaking out about being yourself and not following trends.

Self improvement Tumblr is about ACTUAL change. It teaches you how and TikTok just shows you the aesthetic and not so much the hard work that it takes to get there.

TikTok doesn't explain why you drink green juice, just that ooh it looks so pretty with this filter on it.

I've never seen a blog tell you to do something without telling you why, this way you can make an informed decision instead of just taking peoples word for it.

I hope this makes you feel better as I understand where you're coming from. Theres nothing wrong with being inspired by the trend or motivated by it. That's the whole point of it. But it's just not helpful when you're making moves to improve yourself because it doesn't tell you how to do it, it just shows you the final product.

Doing all the things that girl does won't make you that girl. Nor should you want to be. You should be the best version of yourself, not someone else.

And also, don't let other peoples thoughts on a trend take the fun out of it for you, you are more than capable of forming your own thoughts and opinions and you should.

Anxiety is hard I know. But there's such a beautiful freedom that comes from not caring about others opinions on you and doing what works best for you.

MUAH xx

#hannahlovesyou #hannahanswersquestions #self improvement #that girl #tiktok #trends #instagram #level up #level up journey #level up mindset

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perqabeth · 3 years ago

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first impression of your moots vs current ?

if i miss anyone watch me move to antartica, get plastic surgery and change my identtiy to gaston. including the ones im close close to😿

@shoyotime : you prolly alr know everythiung im gonna say bUTT ANYWAY,, we met on wattpad in the comments section lip bites and ngl i thougth u were like 18 or 20 then pls bc u sounded SO MATURE. and d9ont get mad at me but the first day (AS IN THE DAY WE FIRST MET YKYK NOT WHEN WE STARTED TALKINGON IG) when we gonna make gaso gang acc ykyk i thought you were kinda bossy goodbye i will leave now im so embrazzed I WAS STUOID AND ONLY 14 THEN OKAY hahahahhaa nervous sweats anyway BUT NOWWWWWWWWWWWW PHEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW ur like on of my (even my only, maybe) closest friends or wtvr 😒😒😒😒and i l*ove and care abt you or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 and you make me bvery very happie or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 vvvv smort and sexc and HONEST!!!!!! person AND FUNNY ASF ty for existing smh and not dropping me and aleesha on the first day😟

@srkuv : thoughts r being thunk rn I DONT REMEMBER HOW WE MET HOLYYYYYYY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT i think it was on ig when u were added to gaso gang gc?? or was it on wp?????? I KNOWI MET YOU THRU INEZ????? first child: smal impression.... wAIT *FIRST IMPRESION: SMOL CHILD 🤡🤡🤡 must protecc vv sweet :( okay uwu,, it hasnt changed much 👍ur still my smol childn't but ur like mature for your age!!! and like sm0rt ngl, still muct proteque but you can fight anyone you want. you arent afraid to say what you want!! mwah mwah

@maipxilia : MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY FAV CHOILD OMG SCreams okay okay ngl when i first met you/saw you on my dashboard bc we had the same moots ykyk i thoguth you woulkd be 16 or smth PLEASE also hoLY SHIT PRETTAY ASS BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH AND HELLAAAAAAAAA FUNNY OMG. AND?#$%^& YOU READ RIORDAN BOOKS TOO T A S T E I TELL YOU. current imp: maia my beloved ilusm you like my typos :(((((( DO U KNOW HOW HAPPY THAT MADE ME B R O I ALMOST TRATED CRYING did i tell u i ranted abt that on my spam twt acc l0l ,, YOURE SO PRESHUS TOO MAN I CANT BELIEVE MAIA IS REAL but im so glad she is omg MAIA BEST GIRL OMLY OMLY ONLY shes so NICE AD SWEET AND chaotic sweet and awesome pls i want to cry and cradle you and protect yo form everything mwah maiko my QUEEN,, not saying i would drop everything just for you but... thats exactly what im saying 💘💘💘💘

@mysterystarz : novAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OMG HI QUEEN <333 hru ☺🤲 i thought you were really really sweet and sophisticated when i first ur blog omg AND UR WORKS???? CHEFS KISS EVERYTHING TO ME she writes so well omg i cannawt. vv nice too and loves akashi a lot pls. i still think you're very VERY VERY sweet and awesome AND CALMING BRO ur so so nice i cannot stress rhat enough :((((((( another person who's very very precious ok an angel i tell you AND ALSO ERY FUCKING PRETYY LIEK WTF...... MA;AM HAND IN MARRIAGE??????

@sumerag1 : ri 😕😕😕😕😕 you CLOWN when i first met you i thought you were only here for may and didnt wanna talk to anyone else yk 😀👌 also i thought u were not very good at texting bye,,, BUT YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS THAT MAKES ANYONE FEEL COMFORTED AND WANTED????? MA'AM HOW. now omg ilysm ur so FUCKING N I CE you always text me first anf :((((( check up on me :(((((( aND ME FEEL APPRECIATED OKAY ILYSM THIS WORLD DOESNT DESERVE YOU RI BEST GIRL AGENDA also omg supreior headcanons i must say

@kodzukoi : KOI KOI KOi KOIIIIIIIII you came in my ask box right1!!!!!! PHEW IF U DID IM SO GLAD BC UR SO :(((((((((((((( AWESOME MAN YOU MATCH MY ENERGY >:))))))))))))))))) AND UR SO NICE TO TALK TO i thoguth you were like vv calm and laid back and stuff at first AND U ARE!!!1 BUT LIKE MORE CHAOTIC I THINK :DDDDD UR SUPER COOL 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍 EVERRYTING YOU DO >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

@elitparadox : omg ele loml hi you are so nice!!!!! and calm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and you seem liek the mom friend who always showers her chirren w love and grounds everyone yk??? BUT UR STILL SO SO FUN AN DYOU HAVE SO MUCH LOVE TO GIVE I LITERALLY WANNA CRY :(((((( YOURE SO SO SO SWEET I CANNOT breaksdown i swear you make everyone feel loved :((((((((( I HOPE UR GETTING THE SAME IN RETURN BC U DESERVE THE SAME OKAYU ur so loving i cannaut stop sayng that <33333

@sakusaxwindex : girl youre literally m ycousin...... um annoying ass mf dont knwo who she is bullie <///3 but the only person i tr*st or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 smh #vros💯✨ or wtvr 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 only cusin i genuinely l*ke and look forward to or wtrv 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 smh r0t

#phew done #i love yall a lot or wtvr #so many typos im #im so sorry fr #so many repetitive words too cr1es #sobs #breakdown #ingliss is an illusion anyway

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whoopsieintheuniverse · 3 years ago

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Hii I was wondering if I could get a romantic Inuyasha matchup too? I’m 5'3, my pronouns are she/her, 21 y/o, Business student. My aesthetic is all over the place, i like dressing slutty but alot of times dont have the confidence but i like being very girly with full face makeup regardless. I have black hair with green highlights (exactly like Jolyne from JoJo). I am very very insecure about my looks even though i know i look average, im constantly contemplating plastic surgery. Winter is my favorite season, I absolutely love the rain, I like eating mexican and indian food. I always wanted go and settle in Norway, because i love the scenery, mountains and cold weather. But im still stuck in Singapore. I have a fucked up sleep schedule and i skip meals alot because i get very sleepy right after eating.

I can be annoying at times and i make alot of sexual innenudos. Sexually... im very thirsty in my head, and im always looking to try something new in the bedroom. I draw nsfw art because i like drawing the naked body. I also run a very thirsty insta fan account for JoJo. Apart from that i have issues with my childhood and hardcore daddy issues at home. I have only 2 friends and for them i always try being a better human and tone down my annoyingness. I genuinely like talking to new people but im so awkward i have no idea how to start a convo, but the moment i get comfortable, its smooth sailing. Well thats about it! I hope it helps.

Woohoo! I ship you with: Miroku!

I definitely see you reeling him in with your innuendos. He's never had someone fire back at him before, and your wit definitely has him on his toes. Soon, he’s sitting with you and still pushing your buttons; he wants to hear your opinions on all topics. Miroku is a curious man, and your habit of talking will never annoy or upset him. Inevitably, Miroku finds out about your art, and he’s hooked. Sure, its nsfw and he’s a monk, but as a holy man he can also appreciate the human body in all forms. Creation is holy, and as an artist, you create. Miroku will also offer to pose, but please, with his clothes on. He does have a “reputation to keep”. ;-)

Make no mistake, Miroku finds you gorgeous. He’s constantly asking you to “bear his child”, and if you two end up together, your adventurous nature in bed will definitely be a pleasure to Miroku. (ha. pleasure. pun.) Miroku will also probably end up opening up to you about how worried he is about his curse, and he would definitely hope you could open up to him. Despite his faults, Miroku would want to be a shoulder to lean on. He’s an ass, but he’s pretty wise. Even if you don’t want to talk or you can’t find the words, Miroku is content to sit with you. :)

Well! That’s it! Hope you liked it!

#Matchup #miroku #miroku x reader #inuyasha #inuyasha x reader #request

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masterasmodeus · 4 years ago

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Q&A by request

1: Kitchen Counter, Couch, or on top of the dryer?

I’m fine with all of these, if we measure by done the most, couch

2: Your last sexual encounter: Good or Bad and why?

Good, it was in public but not overt or obvious, very fun.

3: A fictional person that you think would be good in bed?

Thor

4: Something that never fails to make you horny?

tears

5: Where is one place you would never have sex?

a childs bed

6: The most awkward moment during a sexual experience was when ?

being farted on while going down on someone.

7: Weirdest thing that ever made you horny?

tears

8: What is the best way to sexually bind someone: Handcuffs, Rope, or Other [if other please explain]?

i prefer rope for versatility.

9: What is the fastest way to make you horny?

be horny and tell me about how horny you are and what you want to do about it.

10: Top or bottom?

mostly top, but not opposed to bottom

11: We were about to ____________ but then ______________ [example: we were about to have sex but then his mom walked in]

fuck, the bar opened

12: Is one orgasm enough? Are multiple orgasms necessary?

one is never enough but it is always appreciated, necessary ? no, but defiantly preferred.

13: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find?

panties that were cut off a play partner during a scene.

14: Weirdest nickname a significant other has ever called you?

haven’t been called anything i consider weird.

15: Two things you like [or dislike] about oral sex?

Giving: like,the way they respond, dislike hair in my teeth.

Receiving : like the look in their eyes. dislike too much teeth.

16: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you?

nothing i consider weird

17: Have you ever tasted yourself?

yes, depending on my diet i can be sweet or spicy

18: Is it ever okay to not use a condom?

yes, all things are negotiable.

19: Who was the sexiest teacher you ever had?

Laura B. ..shes still hot

20: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?

strawberrys or whipped cream

21: How big is too big?

this is a little vague ...6 foot 6, double J ?

22: One sexual thing you would never do?

actual rape

23: Biggest turn on?

eyes, certain looks

24: Three spots that drive you insane?

here, there, everywhere.

25: Worst possible time to get horny?

job interview.

26: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

love it when it’s genuine, hate it when it’s fake or sounds forced.

27: Worst sexual idea you ever had?

some positions don’t work in small cars.

28: How much fapping is too much fapping?

when you are late to appointments or miss important things to do it. all things in moderation.

29: Best sexual complement you ever got?

No one have ever made me cum like that before.

30: Bald, landing strip, Jumanji?

bald is preferred, landing strip can be fun.

31: Is it good sex if you don’t nut?

lt’s about the journey not the destination.

32: Fill in the blank: “If they ____________, we are fuckin”

ask properly lol

33: What your favorite part of your body?

eyes

34: Favorite foreplay activities?

kissing and undressing the other person

35: Love

not sure what the question is

36: What do you wear to bed?

usually boxers, occasionally nothing

37: When was the first time you masturbated?

ever? 5 or 6

38: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

no, I delete them after.

39: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

yes, I love it especially in the rain, its been some years.

40: Have/would you ever have sex outside?

Yes, see 39

41: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

yes, its been some years, i would consider it but the chemistry would have to be great between everyone involved.

42: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

back massager

43: Have/would you ever masturbate at work/school?

yes

44: Have/would you ever have sex on a plane?

never have but have wanted to for a long time.

45: What is one song you’d like to have sex to?

The Kiss by Trevor Jones

46: What is something nonsexual that makes you horny?

stormy weather

47: Most attractive celebrity?

Christina Ricci

48: Do you watch gay/lesbian porn? why/why not?

lesbian occasionally

49: If a child was born on the occasion of the last time you had sex, how old would that child be right now?

two days

50: Has anyone ever posted nude pictures of you online?

not that i know of.

51: What is one thing that NEVER makes you horny?

bad smells

52: Do you have stretch marks? (How do you feel about them? Has anyone ever had a problem with them?)

yes, no one has mentioned them, i sometimes find them sexy on others.

53: Do you like giving head? (why/why not)

yes, its fun and i like the way they respond.

54: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

i love tattoos, lets get one together.

55: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

It might be fun, i would want to know it if I did.

56: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

pizza

57: Is there anything you do on Tumblr that you would not like your significant other to see?

i don’t currently have an SO but i have no secrets.

58: Do you own any sex toys? (what is it? (how long have you had it?)

nipple suckers and nipple clamps, 4 years (depends if BDSM toys count)

59: Would you give your significant other unrestricted access to your Tumblr for a day?

sure, see 57

60: Would you be offended if your significant other suggested you get plastic surgery?

maybe, depends on what they suggest.

61: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

assuming money and safety are the same, prostitute.

62: Do you watch porn?

yes, not often

63: How small is too small?

for what ? 4 foot ? size 0 ?

64: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

yes, getting turned on by tears.

65: Who gave you your last kiss? Did it mean anything?

Phoenix, it meant time to have fun.

66: Would you switch phones with your significant other for a day?

only if we had the same model phone

67: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

casually yes, don’t care for it at my current job.

68: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

i have before.

69: If you could give yourself head, would you?

at least once

70: Booty or Boobs?

boobs if i’m just looking, booty if i want to take them home.

71: If you had a penis, what would you name it?

i do and i have not.

72: Have you ever been on an official date?

yes, but not recently.

73: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

yes, they regularly accused me of cheating when i wasn't, eventually, i cheated because i was being accused anyway might as well do the crime since i was doing the time.

74: If you were a stripper, what would your name be?

Dr. Steel

75: Have you ever had sex in your parents bed? (Would you?)

No, yes as long as they weren’t home.

76: How would you react if you found out your parents had sex in your bed?

wouldn’t care as long as the sheets were clean when im ready for bed.

77: What was your reaction the first time you saw a penis/vagina

that looks interesting...how does it work?

78: If you had a penis/vagina for a day, what are five things you would do?

i have a penis , if i had a vagina .., touch it, put toys in it, find some one to fuck

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egotisticalee · 5 years ago

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angelii-ii replied to your post

“angelii-ii: ok but them talking about pain reminded me of some of my...”

oh I'm down if you want to talk about them dude fdjhgfdjh

you know what? its pain story time gsdfdsfsdfsd ill put em all under a read more. tws for a couple vague mentions of blood, some unsanitary kinda stuff, menstruation, brief mention of surgery (not in any detail) and some detailed descriptions of a whole lotta pain.

okay so in remembering all my pain stories, ive remembered quite a few injuries i got when i was little, that i dont really remember the pain of, i just remember that it was painful, including

falling (with extra momentum) and splitting my gum open on cobblestones

getting smashed in the face with a dodgeball

that time i got a throat infection so bad that breathing hurt and i sat in the school office for several hours before my mum picked me up

falling off monkey bars, landing on my butt and being so winded that i couldn’t speak for ten minutes

being pulled over by my nana’s dog, landing on my shoulder and yet again being winded, this time so bad that i couldn’t breathe in for about ten seconds and for those ten seconds i genuinely thought i might die

that time i got a bladder infection - i remember writhing in pain in the backseat of my mum’s car as she drove me to A&E but i don’t really actually remember the pain

the chronic stomachaches i would have that i recently realised might be connected to my possible lactose intolerance/sensitivity and the fact that i pretty much only drank milk as a child (can you guess how the bladder infection happened)

with doing pole, i constantly get covered in bruises and such and a lot of moves cause some low-level pain but that’s because of the grip - the pain is mostly due to like, the pulling on the skin and its never really more than a few bruises and some tender skin on the thighs (except for that time where i somehow tore the skin of my thigh... underneath the top layer of skin fsdsadsa). the closest i’ve gotten to a proper pole injury is falling out of a duchess onto my arse and being a little more bruised that usual, and the several times in the past couple months that i’ve smashed my head into the pole whilst doing a flying cat at full power.

and honestly pole has done a lot for my pain threshold. it’s like, i notice the pain is there, but it doesn’t bother me because i’ve felt it so often. and its also because i know that the pain of keeping this grip is way way less than the pain that i will feel if i let go sdfsdfsdfsd i find myself with so many small bruises now that i know aren’t from pole because of the position of them but i cant think where i got them - because they’re probably from bumping into things and that pain is so small and common to me that i immediately forget about it

on the other hand i also have. really bad hips. and sometimes when im just moving, ill catch a nerve and a shot of pain will go through my entire leg and that shit hurts. ive noticed it most commonly happens if i twist when im stepping somewhere but i dont turn the leg thats planted. i was also once balancing on one leg whilst putting a sock on and my hip just. popped out. and i think it immediately went back but i couldnt properly move that leg for ten minutes and i was in a fair bit of pain

my worst pain experiences though... hoo boy. i kinda narrowed them down to three.

im afab and i have periods so of course i gotta deal with cramps every so often, and they can get pretty bad - just like, doubled over, seeking out anything warm to put on my stomach. i’d say about a 5 on the pain scale. but after my gsce exams (exams that uk kids take in year 11 which is the equivalent of sophomore year of high school. they’re the first exams you take that you get an actual qualification from) i didnt have my period for 3 months. and if im late on my period, my cramps get bad. so on the 17th august, a week before my 16th birthday, ya boy was in fucking agony and for some reason in my brain i was also vehemently against taking any painkillers. eventually my nana convinced me to take one of her morphine tablets though and i felt way better hdfgdsff

theres also the time last november when i got an ear infection. earlier that day i had had a massive nosebleed that lasted for about 20 minutes and made me feel super woozy, so along with all the shit that came with dealing with that (i had to go to A&E to get checked out) it was already a pretty rough day. and then that evening my ear started hurting real bad and it just progressively got worse, and i hardly slept that night at all. i was in pure agony by like. 1am and it lasted the entirety of the night, no matter that i took painkillers. the only reprieve i got was at one point, i was watching yt videos and an ad for headspace came on, and i listened along to the meditation thingy it was doing, but of course once the ad was over, the pain was back full force and i could do nothing but cry (so of course i started to get a headache on top of all of it). thankfully once i got to the doctors the next day and got some antibiotics, it cleared up super fast. i was also talking to darkwarf (i wont tag him so he doesnt have to read this fdsffds) and funnily enough our talks that night were what birthed his character teddy.

and then what i think is officially the worst pain ive ever been in, was the first time i got my tailbone infection. me and my mum went on a coach to a roller derby game and at the end of the day my tailbone was aching quite a bit, as if i’d bruised it. i brushed it off as just being the fact that i had sat in shitty coach seats for several hours, then uncomfortable plastic chairs for more hours, then shitty coach seats again. the next day though. ya boi was in agony again. i could not find any way to be comfortable - the closest i could get to comfort was standing. every movement of my hips was pure pain and i couldnt walk properly. the pain was so bad i just could not put one foot in front of the other and i ended up walking by essentially swiveling on each foot and keeping my hips as still as possible. the worst part was when my mum drove me to the walk in centre - although i knew that i was going to where i would be helped, the car. oh, the car. somethign about that seat - and since this infection has recurred several times, i know it is a feature of all car seats - maybe it was the angle, or whatever, but it was pure agony to sit in. i spent the whole car ride with my arm on the car door and my other hand on the car seat, holding myself up to make it not so bad, but with every bump of the car, pain was fucken. shooting through me. it would take me like 10 full seconds to lower myself into a chair or push myself out of one. sleeping was awful cause i sleep on my side and i turn quite a few times before i can get to sleep - and of course turning with my hips how they were was incredibly painful. im not very vocal when it comes to pain but this thing had me yelping and everything. plus the antibiotics i had to take were fucking miserable. they tasted absolutely disgusting and i had to have them 4 times a day on an empty stomach (no food 2 hours before or 1 hour after) for 2 week and it was awful. this bastard is also recurring. the last time it got super bad was funnily enough about a week after my ear infection. honestly yall. late nov-dec 2018 was the worst fucken time for my physical health. but actually! in 2020 i am hopefully getting a surgery to stop the infections once and for all! but with the way the NHS is going, honestly who fucking knows. i do know that i will hunt down and kill boris johnson if he stops me getting this surgery.

#angelii-ii #lee talks #i mean damn yeah i fucken #talked there huh #when ive verbally recounted that infection i have teared up because the memory of the pain is that fucken bad gfdsfdsfs #also the read more better fucken work this time #dont wanna curse my mobile followers gsdfdsfdsfsd #long post

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kpoptimeout · 6 years ago

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My Top 10 K-Dramas of 2018 - What’s Yours?

2018 is ending soon and K-Dramaland has once again brought us so many goodies this year. As per our blog’s tradition [For 2017 faves click here], below are my Top 10 favs of the year (my faves in alphabetical order so it might not be yours so please don’t judge)

My only specific criteria this year is that the show must have had started in 2018 to be considered a 2018 series (Hence, Hwayugi and I’m Not A Robot were in last year’s list and honourable mentions)

Lawless Lawyer (tvN)

Every year we have a few stellar Korean legal dramas and Lawless Lawyer is one of them. Starring veterans Lee Joongi and Son Yeji, the drama details a gangster turned lawyer who used unorthodox techniques to win cases and a lawyer-childhood friend-love interest who got into trouble for attacking a judge. After his return from the military, Lee Joongi has acted in many internationally well-received dramas but “Lawless Lawyer” is the first since his return to gain massive commercial success within South Korea and becoming one of the highest viewed dramas on Korean cable channel history. Son Yeji was also able to show her acting chops and shed her pretty girl image through this drama. It is understandable why this drama did well - it was action-packed, had a well-plotted storyline and also the right laughs at the right moments. If you love an amazing legal drama, go watch Lawless Lawyer already!

Memories Of The Alhambra (tvN/Netflix)

You know it’s nearing the year’s end when tvN drops another high budget and experimental drama with a star-studded cast to steal you and the critics’ hearts. This year it is Memories Of The Alhambra, which is an ambitious project jointly produced by tvN and Netflix. Following the success of jointly produced Mr. Sunshine which also made the list, the two studios teamed up for an even crazier project - instead of the guaranteed tear-jerking historical drama they went for a sci-fi/fantasy thriller exploring virtual and augmented reality and business in the digital age. You know they are taking this project seriously when they got the writer for “W” (the Lee Jongsuk and Han Hyojoo hit about the collapse of a comic book world into reality) Song Jaejung to write this screenplay. The show with top cast featuring Hallyu stars and veterans Hyun Bin, Park Shin Hye, and EXO’s Chanyeol with exhilarating graphics and filming in Grenada has been topping online and domestic Korean viewership since its broadcast on December 1st. If you enjoy creative sci-fi adventures with Asian leads, this is the drama for you!

Mr. Sunshine (tvN/Netflix)

One of the first tvN and Netflix collaborations, Mr. Sunshine was an unsurprising hit starring world-famous Korean actor Lee Byung Hoon and South Korea’s favourite young actress Kim Taeri. Other main cast include skilled and popular actors like Yoo Yeonseok, Byung Yohan and Kim Minjung. Throw in the historical Joseon setting and the imminent colonisation by foreign powers, you have a recipe for an awards-sweeper and crowd-pleaser! Besides a plot that easily draws in audiences, the set designs, colour grading, music, and costumes are all phenomenal and is a feast for the senses. My only knit-picking critique is it seems unrealistic that a Korean man can rise to as high a rank as Lee Byung Hoon’s Eugene Choi character in the racist 1800s United States no matter how brilliant Eugene Choi was. But besides that, if you love a historical epic with romance and war, this is the drama you would enjoy!

Ms. Hammurabi (JTBC)

This drama sees Go Ara and Song Dong Il reuniting in their father-daughter/mentor-mentee like dynamic following hit dramas Reply 1994 and Hwarang, with Go Ara being an idealistic former music student who dropped out and self-studied to become a judge, and Song Dong Il being the old geezer and life mentor who only managed to become a judge later in life. They are joined by INFINITE’s L being a by the books judge who likes Go Ara’s wholesome character. The drama is exceptionally touching, not only for its realistic depiction of life as judges in civilian law countries but also as a reflection of people chasing their dreams in different stages of their life. The drama also expertly deals with real-world issues like gender discrimination in the workplace, prejudice to marginalised groups and the issues that come with an inflexible hierarchical structure in South Korea. While there is romance between the leads, this is shown subtly and naturally, without it becoming a distraction to the engaging storyline. If you enjoy a thoughtful drama about society with great acting, this is a drama you would enjoy.

My ID is Gangnam Beauty (JTBC)

Maybe I am slightly biased because I loved the webtoon but I think My ID is Gangnam Beauty is one of the best Korean rom-coms of the year. First I thought the casting was spot-on - ASTRO’s Cha Eunwoo perfectly encapsulated the cold and awkward Do Kyungseok and Im Soohyang was able to display the insecurities of Kang Mirae even after plastic surgery well. The drama does a good job of touching on Korean society’s toxic beauty visual standards - it still makes the female lead insecure even after she gets plastic surgery and she gets ridiculed before and after plastic surgery. Meanwhile second female lead Hyun Soo Ah, played by Jo Woori, also struggles as a natural beauty due to fears of people no longer liking her should she ever fall below their expectations in any way. This is a thoughtful drama that does not just demonise characters for the sake of drama but gives us lots of food for thought about why people act the way they do regarding appearances. If you like a drama that is fun and cute but also has a good message, you should check out this drama!

My Mister (tvN)

There are dramas where you skip some scenes because you want to get to the main point. There are some dramas where you want every second of it. My Mister was one of those dramas you watch every second of. It was that good. While many Kdramas still having idealistic female leads who slowly get jaded and turn badass only near the end/are always protected by men and never turn badass, My Mister finally does the move of making the female poor but super resourceful, brilliant and cynical, and already super jaded to begin with. Played by top singer and actress IU, the female lead Lee Jian reverses the usual female lead tropes by slowly learning to see some good in the world and learn to dream following a life of extreme poverty and hardship. The other highlight of the drama is the male lead played by talented actor Lee Sunkyun, whose relationship with his brothers and mother, as well as his crumbling marriage with his wife provide a lot of food for thought on the meaning of family and life. By acting as a mentor of IU’s character while also being saved by IU from lots of drama unknowingly, we see two broken souls learn from each other to be better people. The drama also showcased how romance is not the only meaningful love that exists between communities. If you love an insightful slice-of-life drama with realistic intrigues, betrayals, and character development, you would love My Mister.

Radio Romance (KBS2)

Honestly at this point HIGHLIGHT’s Dojoon is just nation’s drama boyfriend and he continues to pick the good scripts as we can see in Radio Romance. The drama is simple - the assistant writer played by Kim Sohyun’s radio show might get cancelled and she manages to somehow get the top radio star played by Dojoon to host her show. Shenanigans happen and romance blossoms. It is stereotypical but done well, with the right amount of twists and just knowing when it should bounce back from the laughs and side stories. If dramas are all dishes, Radio Romance is like that cheesecake that tastes sweet and light, not so filling that it will you sick. It is the dessert you would always go for to feel good. If you like to watch something that makes you feel warm inside, this is the drama for you!

Something in the Rain (JTBC)

I am usually not super into “the younger dongsaeng has a romance with noona who he knows growing up all of a sudden” stories but there was something special about Something in the Rain. When I first began watching this drama, it did not feel like watching a regular Kdrama at all and more like an indie film from the West. There is a feeling of emptiness at the beginning, possibly to signify the resident noona and veteran actress Son Yejin’s unsuccessful love life. There was a lot of dialogue and cuts and it felt like watching a documentary about the lives of the characters. But it was this formatting of Something in the Rain that makes it feel so genuine. The pace of the leads building up their romance was steady and natural. Hence, it made issues they faced feel all the more real too. If you enjoy a realistic slice-of-life portrayal of romance, you would love this drama!

The Guest (OCN)

When I saw the trailer I already knew this was some scary shit. Following its many successful thrillers last year, OCN decided to dive in the more horror side of a thriller in The Guest. To fit this aesthetic, the drama was broadcasted only at 11pm instead of primetime but still had massive success and rightly so. The acting by the three leads Kim Dong Wook (man who can see ghosts and the future), Kim Jaewook (the cold, exorcist priest), and Jung Eunchae (a detective who does not believe in the supernatural) is phenomenal, making their team up to catch criminal possessed by ghosts all the more exhilarating. The actors who play the possessed are also amazing, making for most of the scares in this drama. If you enjoy a mystery and the horror genre, this is the Kdrama for you!

What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? (tvN)

Being the most searched Kdrama on Google in South Korea this year, it would not make sense for What’s Wrong with Secretary Kim? not to make this list. The drama revolves around the successful but extremely narcissistic company vice chairman played by Park Seojoon and his capable no-nonsense secretary played by Park Minyoung, with the latter quitting after paying off family debts and not being in the mood to work for her annoying boss anymore. The whole process where Park Seojoon tries to retain his secretary of course blossoms into romance etc. etc. One of the reasons this drama did so well was that not only did it have a strong and capable female lead but Park Seojoon defied expectations in his role. As another Kdrama based on a webtoon, original webtoon readers felt like he was not similar to the male lead and were not sure how he would handle the role. But Park Seojoon did a fantastic job, to the point I wanted to bang my head on the table or slap his character whenever he did narcissistic shit. If you want a high-quality rom-com with some unorthodox twists, this is the drama to watch!

Honourable Mentions:

100 Days My Prince (tvN): The fourth highest-rated Korean drama in cable television history starring EXO’s D.O and Nam Jihyun, the drama details the marriage between a noblewoman on the run and a crown prince who lost his memory during a failed assassination attempt.

Are You Human? (KBS2): With the actual development of AI in recent years, more Kdramas have embraced the topic of robot-human romances. Seo Kang Joon and Gong Seungyeon star in this story involving a bodyguard and the AI of a chaebol masquerading as the real chaebol who is in a coma.

Still 17 (SBS): A drama involving a 30-year-old man who doesn’t want to grow up due to trauma (Yang Sejong) and a woman who wakes up after a 13-year coma so acts like a 17-year-old even though she is 30 (Shin Hyesun).

Welcome to Waikiki (JTBC): A comedy-drama starring rising actors Kim Junghyun, Lee Yikyung, and Son Seungwon who run a failing guesthouse called Waikiki. Oh, and there’s a single mother and a baby in this crazy mix!

What’s your Top 10 K-Dramas of the Year? Leave your thoughts in the comments section below and may the drama sharing begin (and the road to more excuse for holiday procrastination!)

Also, if you want to check out underrated K-Pop songs of 2018, here are the lists for idol songs, artist songs, and OSTs!

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chnsfairy · 6 years ago

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get to know me tage

i was tagged by @hwangwhatjin, lOVE YOU BBY

Rules: bold all the statements that are true

Appearance 🐧🐧

I am over 5'5 (I am 5‘6.5) • I wear glasses/contacts • I have blonde hair • I wear sweatshirts a lot • I prefer loose clothing to tight fit clothing • I have one or more piercings • I have at least one tattoo • I have blue eyes • I have dyed or highlighted my hair (its blue rn, naturally dirty blonde) • I have gotten plastic surgery • I have or had braces • I sunburn easily • I have freckles (kinda??? like not the red head type of freckles but ive got a bunch of shapes on my faces, a mini dipper on my cheek) • I paint my nails • I typically wear makeup • I don’t often smile (genuinely) • I am pleased with how I look • I prefer Nike to Adidas • I wear baseball hats backwards

Hobbies and Talents🙆🙆‍♀️

I play a sport • I can play an instrument • I am artistic • I know more than one language (chinese) • I have won a trophy in some sort of competition (lol second place at a tournament) • I can cook or bake without a recipe • I know how to swim • I enjoy writing • I can do origami • I prefer movies to tv shows • I can execute a perfect somersault • I enjoy singing • I could survive in the wild on my own • I have read a new book series this year • I enjoy spending time with friends (sOMeTiMEs) • I travel during school or work breaks • I can do a handstand

Experiences🐣🐣

I have had a first kiss • I have gotten drunk • I have told a crush I like them (that did not go well...) • I have travelled outside of the country • I have flown on an airplane • I have stayed awake for more than 48 hours • I have had a near death experience • I have caught something on fire • I have performed in a talent show • I have shot a gun • I have been on tv • I have gone scuba diving • I have broken a bone • I have slow danced • I have gone on a shopping spree

Relationships 💘💘

I am in a relationship • I have been single for over a year (hhhaha hmu im lonely) • I have a crush (on skz) • I have a best friend (kinda) • I have known a friend for over ten years • my parents are together • I have a sibling(s) • I have dated my best friend • I am adopted • my crush has confessed to me • I have had a long distance relationship • I am an only child • I give advice to my friends • I have made an online friend • I have met up with someone I have met online (rEALLY WANT TO)

Aesthetics🍁🍁

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell • I have watched the sun rise • I enjoy rainy days • I have slept under the stars • I meditate outside • the sound of chirping calms me • I enjoy the smell of the beach • I know what snow tastes like • I listen to music to fall asleep • I enjoy thunderstorms (nope im actually fucking terrified of them, get like mental breakdowns its bad) • I enjoy cloud watching • I have attended a bonfire • I pay close attention to colours • I find mystery in the ocean • I enjoy hiking on nature paths • Autumn is my favourite season (aND WINTERRRR)

Miscellaneous 💌💌

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle • I am the mom friend • I live by a certain quote • I like the smell of sharpies • I am involved in extracurricular activities • I enjoy Mexican food • I can drive a stick-shift • I have memorized an entire song in a day • I believe in true love (yeah but its also a slap to the face sometimes) • I dream up scenarios to fall asleep • I sing in the shower • I wish I lived in a video game • I have a canopy above my bed • I am multiracial • I am a redhead • I own at least three dogs • I am LGBT

eh dont know how to feel about that oh well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ hope you had fun

tagging @starssforhyunjin and nope thats it i have like no other close mutuals lol yall should become one oK bYE

#tagged #get to know me #uwu hwangwhatjin you're not boring you make me soft

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chappell-roans · 2 years ago

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Ok so that video!!! wow. no words seriously that was amazing. like seriously fuck all the feel good love yourself smash the patriarchy youre perfect the way you are bullshit I am so tired of it. im glad if people genuinely get joy out of that and if its helped them but it just makes me so exhausted. if someone being miserable their whole existence because of society sounds okay to people because it's better than getting surgery or wearing make up then you might just be a person who cares more about your principles than how people actually feel because all this talk of self care and every body is beautiful and plastic surgery is evil isn't going to make a lot of people actually feel good about themselves and feel confident or fulfilled ughhhhh

Replying super late but yeeeeep that video, I think of it often!! Yeah that's the thing is like there's just too much fucking judgement and not enough letting people live. If it doesn't affect, you, let them do it. I have complicated feelings about ALL of these things but man I'm going to do my best to NOT project my feelings on other people because I can never fully know someone's situation, I can just hope they're doing what's best for themselves, and blanket bullshit statements about self love that only lead to more self hatred are not part of that

#so yes that kat scene 11/10 #asks #anonymous #social media

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brokenhayatim · 4 years ago

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two mins forty-three seconds

it’s been so long since i’ve written. i don’t think any of this will make sense.. also my hands are shaking so it’s taking me longer to type.

you ever know something is wrong with you? and like it’s so familiar and you just think ‘it’s happening again’. i’ve felt like that for long but i’ve been managing it pretty well. in the last month or so though, i felt it shift into deeper waters and it’s not like anything in my life has drastically changed like moving back here was. but i just notice my reluctance to start the day, my difficulty to concentrate during it, the nighttime routine of ‘i failed today yes i’m a disappointment’. it’s odd...i feel like i have no control. someone else has taken the clock and is dragging the minute hand to just speed up every second and i can’t think. my thoughts race every second even if im sitting down and next thing i know it’s three hours later and i hate it. i started up running to help my surgery recovery process and even that doesn’t feel like control. this looming surgery date is good and bad. it’s giving me a lot of free time..that i don’t need. i constantly feel like i should be doing something even though i don’t really have a task to take my mind off anything anymore like job searching. it’s almost made me feel useless like i’m a sitting duck. and then i have so much anxiety about my capability to re-enter the job market being out this long, especially after the surgery recovery. i don’t feel like i’m even average anymore like im the bottom of the barrel in terms of skills so i keep trying to stay with them, doing small projects, but it’s not enough.

anyways. i’ve thought about seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist when i first came here, as my prev ones recommended, but with the pandemic i pushed it off and it’s so intimidating trying to find one, now that i’m not given about 6 options like at uni, i’m just supposed to find one now and try 20 questions to see if they’re actually right?? the thought of going through the awkwardness and distance of zoom appointments too, i felt uncomfortable with it even when i knew and liked my doctors. so, i felt like if i told myself i could do it on my own, i could do it on my own. but everyday i have this nagging feeling that i’m just putting pretty icing on a moldy cake, so i deny and avoid that with social media distractions, of course. i have this overall sense of just feeling like shit and the only thing keeping me afloat in the days are people not even around me, people in my phone, especially moments with noor. often, i think of just shutting off my wifi or my phone and ghosting, but it isn’t even fair to them to do that and it never was - without at least forewarning. because tables turned, i worry like hell on top of missing you. so i woke up today feeling at the cusp of a break and was going to send noor a text about it and to just let her know. and although a big part of me wants to just disappear, the other part so attached to people now doesn’t and knows it wouldn’t do me any good but let me wallow in misery (she’s got the self-realization now yall) and what would that help? especially now being at home where i can’t stay in my room for a week and come out like a crab just to eat (just kidding, i do that anyways). i think the gravity of how much i’ve been avoiding and denying that i need to do something was brought to light last when i mentioned to my sister, after i kneeled down for something in pain, that i can’t actually sit on my legs like i can sit 90 degrees only but anything lower and my thighs experience so much pain it’s like my body is screaming not to go lower. i haven’t done the tashahhud position in salah properly for months and i don’t want to sit in a chair because i feel like that’s cheating like i can move just not that position. my neurologist gave meds - which i took for a while but kept forgetting to establish a routine & my dad said i didn’t need them so i questioned it more - and a physical therapy prescription and i’ve done nothing with it. partly due to covid but i also just feel like a burden, that something is actually wrong again. i dont know...as if my brain should be the only thing everyone needs to worry about now. but my parents were talking about how i might need physical therapy after surgery and how they might bring someone in and something about it just makes my skin cold. i don’t think it’s necessarily fully my disdain of depending on someone for my needs but i just have this vision of struggling and having everyone know it. like i won’t be able to do it in private anymore, it’ll all be out for someone to watch and they’ll want to do something to help and they can’t. that goes with any of my surgery recovery - especially the pain and discomfort. okay, i’m getting away from my point now...

i went to sleep quite early last night because of my mood and probably because i slept at 6 am the night before. but i woke up today and was like i feel like shit and this is definitely depression that i’ve had. so i took my phone and searched “psychology before after surgery” (got the point across ok) and god, the results. i don’t know what i was expecting.

“Why Aren’t We Talking About Postoperative Depression?

Depression can occur after even a minor surgery. But doctors have noticed that people who have the following procedures often have depression afterwards: Heart surgery, especially coronary artery bypass graft Plastic surgery Gastric bypass surgery Brain surgery...

The most significant risk factor for postoperative depression is pre surgical depression or anxiety. In fact, anyone with a history of mental illness is at greater risk for postoperative depression.

Possible Causes of Postsurgical Depression: Postsurgical pain Surgical results don't match expectations Problems with anesthesia (i’m using steroids but) A biological process Increased dependence on other people

Disappointment in one’s own body and health can also factor into postoperative depression. People like to see themselves as strong and healthy.”

you get it. immediately, i felt two things: frustration at not even guessing this would be a thing and fear. fear, because i have had thoughts of most of these causes being an issue for me before i even read this. fear, that all the trying i’m doing now to be okay won’t be enough and i genuinely will see my worst days. fear, that i won’t make it. fear, that i’m not strong enough to overcome this if i’m struggling with it badly right now. fear, that i’m not strong enough to recover like i want to. fear, that i made a mistake in choosing to do the surgery being careless enough to not consider this. so much fear my body crumbled under the weight.

of course, it’s treatable. so where does this leave me right now? congratulations! now you’re caught up on why i opened this document and decided to type. based upon reading about my avoidance to fix my issues with the right methods, i think we can guess the solution here. oh look! it’s writing itself into the cloudy sky.

xoxo big brain girl (just not mentally)

done crying now so time to start my day yayy!

#asiya's thoughts #yikes #do i read this for typos

0 notes

kait16xo · 2 years ago

Text

bold what's true about you: 10 year edition

You just learned a bit about 11 and 21 year old me--except I lied a lot in 2012:

I am a cuddler. (Depends on circumstances)

I am a morning person.

I am an only child.

I am currently in my pajamas. (yeah sure if that's what you wanna call it)

I am currently pregnant.

I am left handed.

I am a little shy around the opposite gender.

I bite my nails.

I can be paranoid at times.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy smoothies.

I enjoy talking on the phone.

I have a car.

I have a hard time paying attention at school.

I have a hidden talent.

I have a pet.

I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy.

I have all my grandparents.

I have been to another country.

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.

I have or had broken a bone.

I have caller I.D. on my phone.

I have bathed someone.

I have changed a diaper.

I have changed a lot over the past year. (In 2011-2012 I had a whole personality 180 especially since I started swearing but now I feel that I have mellowed significantly. I haven't changed a lot but I have changed to an extent??)

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

I have had minor surgery. (wisdom teeth but it is technically a surgery and I underwent anesthesia)

I have killed another person. (THE WAY THIS IS AN OPTION IM CACKLING)

I have had my hair cut within the last week. (desperately need to)

I have mood swings.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. (the way I didn't have this bolded at 11 LMFAO)

I have rejected someone before. (only all the time as if I don't have a tinder)

I like the taste texture of blood.

I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I own 100 CDs or more. (In my house I'd like to assume)

I own and use a library card. (hasn't been used in eons but I have one)

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day. (depends on circumstances but I have woken up between 3-7)

I watch soap operas on a regular basis.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (I desperately want a tummy talk)

I am wearing socks.

I am tired. (got a full 8-9 hours after being up for 22 ayyy)

I love to draw/sketch. (not as much anymore but sometimes I like to draw silly little guys on my silly little ipad I bought specifically to get back into the hobby)

I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:

Finished college. (not uni but my local community college. I think I'm class of 24 rn)

Smoked cigarettes. (only vaped a few times--hate cigs)

Ridden every ride at an amusement park. (technically kennywood except for the kiddie rides and the volcano but I don't really count that LMAO)

Collected something really stupid. (rocks from sifting bags?? I also used to collect merch tags when anime merch was harder to find in 2012-2014. I am a self-proclaimed minor hoarder so I collect a ton of weird shit)

Gone to a concert. (uh hello it's only my personality at this point--my school has a medium scale campus venue that's hosting fucking earth wind and fire)

Helped someone. (haven't we all? kinda vague)

Spun turn tables.

Watched four movies in one night. (this I genuinely don't know LOL probably once a while ago)

Been broken up with. (several times but my recent breakup that isn't so recent made it to where I struggled to eat for a few months--genuinely one of the worst years of my life)

Taken a college level course. (I'm a junior in uni so uh yeah?? I'm in 4 rn)

Been in a car accident. (a few small ones but they were not fun)

Been in a tornado. (yeah the one that hit my house last year ripped my sunroom roof off and totaled the damn room yet everyone else had minor damage...rude)

Watched someone die. (hope I never have to)

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself. (very minor burn from hitting my hand off a pan)

Ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced or separated. (somehow no)

Cried yourself to sleep. (apparently I have cried in my sleep some time in 2012? ok edgelord this is news to me)

Spent over $200 in one day. (definitely spent around $300-$500 on black friday with my fucking grad party money because I wasn't responsible)

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on. (this one is technically a truth stretch but my last ex emotionally cheated on me because he outright told me he liked another girl two months prior to our breakup and I denied it until a few days before the breakup. I am happy for their relationship now because their chemistry always worked better but at my expense I felt it was a bit fucked)

Written a 10 page letter. (not yet but I could)

Had a best friend. (love u soobs <3)

Lost someone you loved. (my nana to cancer in 2020, and some other people. I joke about wishing some awful things on bad people but yeah 0/10 would not relive the nana experience I wanted to actually die)

Skipped school. (only all the time just to sleep)

Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do. (yeah my uncle's ex's kids tormented me and I took the brunt of it bc I was older...the fuck was that)

Stolen books from the library. (no but I stole a book from my 2nd grade teacher--which was fucked because I liked her)

Been in a mental hospital.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. (it was my special interest in 2011 as well as a family special interest you tell me)

Fired a gun. (my dad's a conservative you tell me)

Been in a school play. (We were all forced to be in a school play in 6th grade, 3 months before I posted this. I was also in my high school's theatre class for 3 years and was "make up crew" for drama--but I really only pretended to be so I could do haunted high school)

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Attempted suicide.

Written poetry. (mainly for school but not for leisure--hate writing poetry)

Read more than 20 books a year. (last time I did this was definitely 2011-2012)

Gone to Europe.

Loved someone you couldn’t have. (this is tumblr be fuckin for real)

Used a coloring book over age 12. (I actually do it for service hours now! If you're interested look into Color a Smile! It's actually so fun and my service group gives us 1/2 hour per sheet)

Had surgery.

Had stitches.

Taken a taxi.

Had more than 5 online conversations going at once. (I wouldn't doubt it--discord is a thing)

Had a hamster.

Dyed your hair.

Had something pierced. (Thinking about the time I got my 2nd lobes pierced and I didn't want to "overreact" by screaming and crying like when I got my firsts done at 9, so I numbed the pain by playing I hurt by Dance Moms Alum Brooke Hyland any time someone asked if I was okay--my ear lobes got infected and I had to remove my earrings so the holes closed. Forever sad about that because I'm aichmophobic so it'll take years before I think about getting them done again)

Gotten straight A’s.

Your parents sent you to a shrink. (I actually sent myself because 1. my ex convinced me and 2. I convinced me and it was worth it. I hope my therapist is well I haven't seen her since I graduated)

Been handcuffed. (literally only as a joke but my past commentary was NOT it. That was also without my consent lol)

My hair is naturally the color:

Light brown.

Medium brown.

Dark brown.

Blonde.

Black.

Dirty blonde.

Strawberry blonde/Ginger.

Multicoloured.

My eyes are:

Brown.

Blue.

Green.

Hazel.

Light brown.

A combination of things.

Ice Blue.

I am:

Male.

Female.

Other (Gender-neutral).

People sometimes label me as:

Slut.

Girly.

Ugly. (probably some random m*n online but they do not matter)

Nerd.

Weird.

Beyonce. (I love that the only somewhat positive ones are girly and beyonce. I am a white woman but like I get the vibe)

Some of my biggest fears are:

Spiders/other insects.

Dying.

Doctor/Dentist appointments.

Hospitals.

Needles.

Disease.

Being alone in the dark.

Heights.

Small spaces.

Oceans/large bodies of water. (submechanophobia and Thalasaphobia hit different)

Holes. (the cave secret bases in pokemon ORAS make me want to puke but they're not a fear)

Large animals.

Small animals.

Open spaces.

Lightning.

People. (not a fear but general anxiety and over-defensiveness around some people)

Asteroids.

I have:

A friend with benefits.

A laptop in my room.

A television in my room.

Good grades.

My own car.

Married parents.

bold what's true about you

You just learned a bit about me:

I am a cuddler.

I am a morning person.

I am an only child.

I am currently in my pajamas.

I am currently pregnant.

I am left handed.

I am a little shy around the opposite gender.

I bite my nails.

I can be paranoid at times.

I enjoy country music.

I enjoy smoothies.

I enjoy talking on the phone.

I have a car.

I have a hard time paying attention at school.

I have a hidden talent.

I have a pet.

I have a tendency to fall for the “wrong” guy.

I have all my grandparents.

I have been to another country.

I have been told that I have an unusual sense of humor.

I have or had broken a bone.

I have caller I.D. on my phone.

I have bathed someone.

I have changed a diaper.

I have changed a lot over the past year.

I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.

I have had minor surgery.

I have killed another person.

I have had my hair cut within the last week.

I have mood swings.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I have rejected someone before.

I like the taste texture of blood.

I love Michael Jackson.

I love sleeping.

I love to shop.

I own 100 CDs or more.

I own and use a library card.

I read books for pleasure in my spare time.

I sleep a lot during the day.

I watch soap operas on a regular basis.

I work at a job that I enjoy.

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free.

I am wearing socks.

I am tired.

I love to draw/sketch.

I consume at least one alcoholic drink every month.

I have/had:

Finished college.

Smoked cigarettes.

Ridden every ride at an amusement park.

Collected something really stupid. ((idk TAT))

Gone to a concert.

Helped someone.

Spun turn tables.

Watched four movies in one night.

Been broken up with.

Taken a college level course.

Been in a car accident. ((a small one))

Been in a tornado.

Watched someone die.

Been to a funeral.

Burned yourself.

Ran a marathon.

Your parents got divorced or separated.

Cried yourself to sleep. ((actually I cry IN my sleep))

Spent over $200 in one day.

Cheated on someone.

Been cheated on.

Written a 10 page letter.

Had a best friend. ((and still do,3 and a half))

Lost someone you loved.

Skipped school.

Gotten in trouble for something you didn’t do.

Stolen books from the library.

Been in a mental hospital.

Watched the “Harry Potter” movies. ((all 8 more than once))

Fired a gun.

Been in a school play.

Been fired from a job.

Taken a lie detector test.

Swam with dolphins.

Attempted suicide.

Written poetry.