#genuinely losing my grip on sanity

[tryin]

local girl cries about not having job again

[rpfisfine]

as you probably know, the boyboy boys worked for the chaser in the past. there's also the chaser report podcast. aleksa is included in plenty of episodes, and overall it's a pretty fun political satire podcast. but anyways. there's one episode that is literally fucking haunting me and i have to share this burden with someone. the episode is "Happy Picnic Day!" from 12th of September 2021, and in it aleksa tells a story of how his dick got broken once & it's really graphic and quite brutal. it's also funny but... a fukcing nightmare. i cant bear this cross on my own anymore

[astralis-ortus]

thunders of rage

✱ boyfriend!bc x gn!reader

— even through the worst days, you're still my priority.

w.count → 1.1k genre → fluff, comfort warning → mild cussing, reader had a bad day and lashes out at chan :(, one time jump, kissies, chan referred to as chris, reader referred to as baby and babe a.n → based on this request! tysm for requesting♡ ⋆ see masterlist

the word terrible doesn’t even cover the magnitude of bad luck you’ve been facing for the past 10 hours.

from waking up late for work, buses not operating due to a strike and causing the subway being jam-packed, getting absolutely roasted by your supervisor for someone else’s mishap, having your work ruined by a coworker, to barely surviving the somehow never-ending rush hour while running only on a single piece of toast you had in the morning—you’re absolutely in no condition to socialize, even for the slightest bit.

“hey, babe,” your boyfriend’s cheery voice was the first thing you heard as soon as you stepped inside your shared apartment. noises coming out from the speaker on your living room were the thing you noticed next—and you swear you’re so close to losing your sanity.

“how was your day? i saw you barely ate your breakfast when i got back from the gym. are you okay?” oblivious to your nonexistent reply, chris had his eyes glued to the game while he continued to talk. “i haven’t decided what to make for dinner, by the way. do you—”

“can you decide that on your own?” you finally cut your boyfriend off, tone of your voice catching chris off guard. you’re not one to speak sharply—you know it might offend the other party even when you didn’t mean to, and chris knew that about you.

so when he heard that tone being used against him, chris knew something is absolutely wrong.

“let’s get ice cream, then?” chris immediately paused his game and shifted his focus onto you. he sees it now—the seemingly permanent subtle frown on your forehead, the nonexistent glint on the reflection of your eyes, the messy bun on top of your head.

something stresses you out. bad.

“sure.”

chris watched your exhausted trudge head towards the kitchen and grab a glass of water, contemplating the best course of action to get grumpy you to cheer up even just for a little. “and some pizza? or some dimsum? while we wait i’ll run a bath—”

“goddammit, chris!” the loud sound of cup slamming on the countertop startled chris out of his sentence, eyes wide when confusion, irritation, and hurt started to mix in his chest. “i just told you to decide it on your own! stop bothering me! do i need to make every decision for you? god!”

the room fell silent as chris tried to digest the words you aimed at him—but it felt like his head was on static. it only took him a second to get up and grab a hoodie, suppressing any reaction his instinct was telling him to do before he said something he would regret.

“i’m gonna go cool off,” chris quietly said as he headed towards the door, momentarily stopping to look at your tense back. he desperately wanted to stay—but he knows you needed time to be on your own.

“you should cool off too.”

and with that, chris left.

it’s been nearly two hours since chris left, and after a cup of warm tea and a long bath later, guilt finally caught you up in its tight grip.

you knew what you did towards chris was wrong—chris was simply trying to make sure he’s getting something you like because he knows only then your mood would seem to improve, but instead, all you did was accuse him of trying to bother you.

thoughts ran through your head while you stare at your boyfriend’s phone number, thumb hovering over the green button as you try to piece an apology in your head. you’re genuinely worried—it’s getting later in the night, and you still haven’t heard even a single peep from chris. you can’t help but feel worried.

but just as you were about to press the call button, your ears finally picked up the sound of your front door cracking open—chris is home.

“baby, i’m ho—”

chris stopped in his tracks as he felt warmth suddenly enveloping him—you’re hugging him tight, face buried on the span of his chest.

“i’m sorry,” you quickly whispered, barely allowing him time to process what happened within the span of 5 seconds. “i was wrong. i shouldn’t have acted like that. i just really had a terrible day, and—”

“hey, hey, hey,” chris couldn’t help but chuckle, finally wrapping his arm around you after he finally set down the plastic bags on the countertop nearby. “breathe, baby. slow down. you’re okay.”

peering up at chris, your guilt only seemed to dig its claws deeper when you saw his dimpled smile, beautiful eyes gazing right at you even after the sharp words you threw at him.

you felt like crap.

“i’m really sorry,” you croaked another apology, now near tears with the tip of your lips turned down. “i really acted like an ass back there but you still became the bigger person between us. i would’ve understood if you shouted at me, but—”

“baby,” chris shook his head as he gently cradled your face, pads of his thumbs running softly against your cheeks, “i would never forgive myself if i ever raised my voice at you, even during a fight. you’re my girlfriend—you’re someone i need to protect, and that’s what i’ll always try to do.”

the way chris loves you never fails to render you speechless.

some might say you’re the bigger romantic between the two of you—date plans, endless whispers of ‘i love you’s, constantly wrapping yourself around his arm. it’s all what people would see; but you know the nights chris would pull you closer when he notices your tossing and turning, allowing you to settle to the rhythm of his heartbeat. you know the days when he would buy you a single stem of the prettiest sunflower or the loveliest bloom of rose, all because you said you’ve always liked flowers but never the huge bouquet. you know how he would always walk on the side nearest to the road, and the way his arm never left the curve of your waist.

you know the subtle ways he remembers—his ways of saying i love you, and you would never change that for anything in the world.

“kiss me.”

a chuckle rumbles in chris’ chest to your request, beautiful twinkle in his eyes turning you warm and fuzzy. he then gently tipped your chin, whispering a soft ‘i love you’ as he brought his lips onto yours, relishing in the way swarms of butterflies burst under your feverish skin.

©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡

[snail-migraine]

Requested by: @elysiumrealms

Sure! I did think some fleshing out on how the rest of the family acts around them would be cool to write. Sorry this took so long btw, my inbox gets stuffed pretty quickly and it was finals week. Anyway thanks for the ask!

-

Anon-Yan 💌‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

Platonic Yandere Malleus

Pt.3

For you, the time before your punishment was nothing but a blurry mess.

Genuinely you don't remember all your horrible habits and manipulative tactics, you just remember acting on your insticts and not really thinking before you acted.

The few things you do remember is the interactions you had with your other family members.

The most memorable were the ones with Grandpa Lilia, when you were younger he loved cuddling you upside-down. Even if his grip was iron-strong it still felt so warm that you didn't want to leave.

When you got older he would allow you to play with some of his video games, he was always so sweet and helpful. Making sure you never got too frustrated at one certain part before taking the controller from you and completing whatever challenge had you stumped.

Lilia just loves babying you in a way he never got to with either of his original children.

He never failed to make you feel like the spoiled little brat you were.

"Ooh! Don't cry Darling, there's no need for that. Here, do you need Grandpa to help you? Okay sweet-pea. Don't worry, grandpa's here for you"

Then there's uncle Silver, who whose probably the most boring person to hang out with out of everyone in the family.

Don't get me wrong, you enjoyed his company but nothing even vaguely interesting happened whenever you hung around him.

He always really apologetic about it though, even going as far to bring you a little toy everytime he was allowed alone time with you. Typically is just a teddy bear, so that at night when you fell asleep you would think of your uncle Silver.

"Sorry we weren't able to play today. Here, have this. It's so when you fall asleep at night, you'll always remember your uncle Silver."

Your uncle sebek on other hand, he was hard to forget.

He was always loud, his voice commanded battalions after all. So a voice like his would definitely need for job like that.

You and him never played together, in his own words "WAKA-SAMA'S CHILD DESERVES A MUCH BETTER PLAYMATE THAN A LOWRANKING OFFICER SUCH AS MYSELF!"

Or whatever that was supposed to mean. You never really understood his way of thinking. While he was screaming his head off about not being good enough for you, you had sit and listen to him whilst daydreaming of all the video games Grandpa Lilia would play with you later.

It was boring, and eventually as you grew older you learned to tune him out.

Though I guess that wasn't the greatest idea, because within a week of learning how tune out his voice he came to you sobbing on his hands and knees begging for forgiveness.

"PLEASE FORGIVE ME WAKA-SAMA'S CHILD! WHATEVER SLIGHT HAVE DONE TO YOU, I BEG FOR YOUR FORGIVENESS AND MERCY! JUST PLEASE STOP IGNORING ME MY LEIGE!"

But I guess that all leads you to where you are now. Stuck in a boring old rickety tower. Stuck studying and doing chores all day. At least Father allowed for your family to visit from time to time.

Their faces and voices make the endless cycle you've been going through day-to-day slightly more bareable. But to be perfectly honest, with every passing moment that you're stuck here; in this damned tower made to be your prison, you lose a small peice of your sanity.

A peice of your mind that can never be returned to it's owner.

Trully a cruel thing to do, especially to your own child. Isolating them from everyone and everything they've ever known to prove a point, when it wasn't even truly their own faults that caused such a mess? Foolish, and downright cruel if anyone asked you.

Ah, but what can you do?

You did do this to yourself after all, might as well own up to your mistakes and pay the price.

[watchernotculture]

Hey can I get prompt 2 and 15 with Chuuya from the valentine event?

2 (“even if you do hate me, it doesn't matter, i really love you”) + 15 (“stop crying, please stop crying, you’re ruining our perfect day together..”)

sorry if the ending is rushed a little!, i genuinely had no idea how to end it but hope you enjoy nonetheless!

-WC 705 // valentines event open!! tws?: kidnapping mentioned but like, after that you're good? maybe some self-dehumanization from reader

You’ve been at Chuuya's house for a good time now, unsure the day you even got kidnapped, everything blended together and melted making everyday mistaken for the day before. Time didn't exist inside and at this point you’re unsure if time should even matter to you anymore. However, Chuuya always kept up with the dates and holidays, making time for them in the house and forcing you to participate in them. Outside was still cold but warming up, you remember noting that just to keep your sanity but as of late it no longer matters. You're locked up like an animal, but the only difference is you don't love your owner. You thought it was all so sweet until he couldn't take you being free and not with him. You don't remember but it felt fast, meeting him, loving him, getting captured, the events blended in together.

You could only let out a huff or sigh everytime the door opened, signaling he was home. You had noticed there was wine on the table, seemingly unopened, you ignored it thinking it was new and to be stored away pridefully. Stationed in the kitchen you were here for food and nothing else, somewhat glad you were even able to roam freely and not being locked up in a room like at the start. 

As your hand gripped the handle of the fridge, you heard footsteps coming towards the kitchen, of course he knew where you were, he always did. You only had freetime when he was at work, something to claim just a bit of sanity back from the exhausting nights before. “I'm home, what are you doing in here?” 

You knew his question was rhetorical, only just wanting you to have a conversation with him, for it to feel normal. Shading your eyes, you put your attention back on the fridge, opening it and seeing what there was to eat. “Oi, i got us food from my way home, i'm sure you’ll like the fresh made food instead.” begrudgingly you closed the fridge door, it seems he had set another date up that you would be forced to play a part of. You held up with a blank expression as you watched Chuuya sigh and put the bags he had down. “Even if you do hate me, it doesn't matter, I really love you.”

His words were soft, it would've been so sweet if you didn't feel like an animal, maybe you’d even smile. Instead you went and sat down, not feeling up to having a fight you’re gonna lose but at the same time you know it's not gonna be enjoyable. This seemed to surprise him, nonetheless Chuuya didn't say anything but only gave a tender smile. He handed over a steak cooked just the way you liked, the wine on the table was finally opened and he was pouring himself a drink. You hated all of this, you want the normality of life back, the one you took for granted and messed it all up.

Wanting to go back to that park, shopping, personal care, not being stuck in a life that could’ve gone so much differently but you’re stuck. Stuck in a hell you ever regret dreaming about, at least that dream had freedom to it. Tears started forming rapidly at your loss, you just wanted it all back. Shakily bringing up a hand to your mouth, this isn't fair. Chuuya started panicking at this, quickly going over towards you and he was trying to hold you. “Hey hey, what's wrong?, what's the matter?”

Seeing you suddenly in tears threw him off as Chuuya tried his best to calm you down by physical touch and hushed words. “stop crying, please stop crying, you’re ruining our perfect day together…” 

His voice was quiet but the tears kept flowing, unwilling to listen to his attempt at calming you down. Any words you tried to speak came out incoherent while your tears shed everywhere. Chuuya kept trying to soothe and calm you down yet nothing was working, he didn't want to get angry at you, he didn't know what else he could do. So there you were left in the kitchen still crying while Chuuya left.

[vladtepesishot]

His vessel.

ao3 link | russian version

second part

warnings: pwp; breeding kink.

notes: this is so rushed and short honestly the more i re-read it the more i hate it

word count:1126

'You see...I am trying to reproduce.'

Those words echoed in my head and immediately were interrupted with another thrust of his cock against my cervix, bringing me back to the present moment. His cock still uncomfortably stretched me out, even after a solid amount of time, but his tongue exploring my mouth did a good job at distracting me. He pulled away when he felt that I'm out of breath, looking me right in the eyes, progressively thrusting harder and harder and letting out a short groan each time. He grabbed one side of my face and brushed his thumb over my reddened cheek.

'Angelic' he said in a raspy voice with his enchanting accent.'Simply angelic.' he then sighed and stopped to take a glance at my stomach. 'That's why I'm making you the mother of my children right now.'

His words sent a shiver down my spine, making my eye twitch slightly. My eyes looked back at him, searching for an answer, waiting for him to tell me that it's just a joke, or even better, a dream, and nothing more. But the coiling at the bottom of my stomach informed me of reality. The reality of Count Dracula's cold body pressing me into his bed, the silk sheets sticking to my sweaty back. His large hands on the both sides of my hips, moving them along with his thrusts. The wetness of his tongue on my neck. Those things made me lose my sanity. How long has this been going on? How many times has he already emptied himself inside me? How did he even put me in this position? All those questions slipped out of my mind when a sweet release finally crashed over my whole body with an audible whine. His movements sped up, he started sucking on my neck, once again painting it red and purple. With a hungry growl, his white cum covered my insides, perhaps for the hundredth time now. Dracula raised his head, looking at my flushed face with a playful smile. I felt him pull his cock out, the uncomfortable sharp stretch nearly making me hiss. His seed spilled out of my slick pussy, but his fingers quickly caught the white drop and pushed it back into me, all while looking into my watery eyes.

'Look at you.' he said, his tone and gaze unusually soft. 'Such a pretty girl.' pause. 'My perfect mommy.' he grazed my cheek with the back of his hand. His cold lips once again touched mine, I kissed back hungrily, my own body wasn't listening to me and I felt him smile against my lips. I melted into his touch, his vampiric hands all over my body, like I was a lump of clay he was molding to his wants. His long fingers lingered over my clit, my body jerking in surprise, yet I couldn't make any sound except a muffled guttural moan while our tongues intertwined. I squeezed my eyes shut as he gently circled my sensitive bud until I had to push him away with genuine force, my body overstimulated and unable to handle his attention towards my private parts anymore. He didn't stop and continued to press himself against me, putting more and more pressure on my clit, murmuring something barely audible, probably something about him impregnating me. I found his hand and grabbed with all the strength I could muster, desperately trying to pull it away, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. Surprisingly, he did. I heard the bed squeaking and noted his absence against my body. My eyes slightly opened, to find his face laying between my legs. I was powerless before him. His pale skinny hands wrapped around my thighs, the sharp nails ever so slightly digging into my flesh. His breath felt like a light breeze against my heated cunt. He looked at my half-lidded crimsoned expression, anticipating for his touch, yet simultaneously rejecting it. At first, he teasingly kissed my puffy outer lips. I placed my tiny hand on his head, gripping the dark hair that covered it. I could feel that his lips got covered in my wetness, as he went on to kiss and then lick my clit. I could feel every little bump on his chilly tongue. It felt so eerie and dreadful to sensate his coldness. His expressions were too alive; his desires were too humane. His desire to reproduce, to impregnate, what could be more human-like? Still, his freezing corpus reminded me of his deadness. Undeadness, to be precise. I wondered, how can he even have children or if he already had any. I couldn't imagine him as a father.

My thighs shook lightly, but Dracula held me in place. He was so eager to please my pussy, he didn't stop even for a second to give me a break, constantly sucking and pecking my clit. I felt feverish, sick almost. I couldn't do anything, but whimper from the tenderness of my small nub. I felt like I could rip his hair off at any moment, if it was even possible. By reflex, I tried kicking him, yet he hadn't moved nor was he planning on doing that before making me cum all over his face. He just laid there, looking at my face, distorted in pleasure and slurped loudly on my dripping slit. Every nerve in my body lit up, he finally loosened his grip on my thighs, giving me the opportunity to shake in my climax. Once again, our mouths connected, as well as our groins. He wasn't wasting any time and his dick was always hard and ready for me. His face pressed into my neck, breathing heavily, which was pretty odd. I leaned further into his touch, almost willing to fuse with him, not only physically, but mentally. The more I pressed against him, the more I felt like we're truly becoming one, hoping that it's not some kind of delusion and he perceives this encounter the same way. I've lost the feeling of time, of reality, everything that remained was me and him; us. I felt another orgasm approach. His thrusts became sloppy, as though he was losing himself in my heat. He raised his head, looking into my eyes. I found his look peculiarly calm and...loving?

'My gorgeous girl. My baby-making vessel.' he said, breaking the long lasting silence. His words made my head spin. I was going insane over him. I hugged him once again, captivating him in my figure. My hot breath tingled his cold skin, my sweaty body sticking to his flesh. Once again, I was drunk in orgasmic pleasure and he was intoxicated with my body. I really was his vessel, I thought.

[bullet-prooflove]

Rainy Nights: Hamish 'Merlin' Mycroft x Reader (NSFW)

Tagging: @crazy4chickennuggets @kmc1989 @witches-unruly-heart

Sequel to Umbrella

It’s that night in the rain, standing under Hamish’s umbrella that he kisses you. The two of you are on the doorstep, the rain cascading down the sleek black shelter as he lingers in your proximity. He doesn’t want to leave, not really. Despite the fact it’s pouring down he’s enjoyed the walk with you, you’d linked your arm through his and for a moment the two of you felt like a real couple. Just a man and a woman enjoying one another’s company.

It's been a long time since Hamish has had that.

He likes you, despite his reservations, he does.

You’re fun, easy to talk to, skills that suit your position as an MI6 Intelligence Officer but you’re real too. You talk about your travels with genuine excitement in your eyes, describing the souvenirs you’ve collected, the people you’ve met, the things you’ve been. There’s something that lights up inside of you and it calls to Hamish more than anything else in his life.

You look so beautiful in the moment, the glow from the streetlight highlighting your skin. The scent of your perfume clings to your skin, it’s warm, subtle like molten honey on his tongue. His thumb skates over your cheek, brushing away a stray raindrop before he tips your chin up so that he can meet your gaze.

His lips brush over yours, chaste and tender.

It’s more than he imagined, he doesn’t expect the heat that comes with it, the passion. It washes over him like a wave, sweeping over his head and dragging him under.

He makes love to you, wrapped up in navy blue sheets, the rain pattering on the windows outside. He’s meticulous with his exploration of your body, his lips ghosting over each and every one of your scars before he sinks into you.

It’s nirvana, paradise and ecstasy wrapped entirely in just one person. He loses himself that night, his heart, his soul, his sanity. When you come, he comes with you, your thighs gripping his hips as he drinks down your pleasure. He stays the night, his fingertips tracing Gaelic patterns across your flesh as he kisses you into oblivion.

When he leaves the next morning it’s with reluctance.

He’s enjoyed the time the two of you have spent together and he wants to do it again, despite how detrimental this could be to the both of you.

A couple of nights later he turns up again, he’s wearing a flat cap this time, no umbrella. The rain drips off his overcoat as he stands there on your doorstep, the left side of his mouth tipping up into a smile as he takes in the midnight blue pyjamas you’re wearing. The fabric’s expensive, sustainable, a brand that he also uses.

“I didn’t expect to see you again.” You tell him, opening the door to let him in.

His fingers thread through your hair, his lips brushing over yours as he looks at you with those fathomless dark eyes of his.  

“I just couldn’t seem to help myself.”

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[ofstoriesandstardust]

so long, daisy may (lt. bradley “rooster” bradshaw)

a/n: anti-hero belongs to rebel but so does you’re on your own kid and i won’t change my mind. @struggling-with-delia​ has been here for every step and evolution of this piece and i’m truly posting this for her because i honestly never thought this would see the light of day. i am going to hide under a rock until further notice bye. 

summary: It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero. 

originally inspired by taylor swift’s “anti-hero” and “you’re own your own, kid”

main masterlist | top gun: maverick masterlist | same mistakes-verse | same mistakes-verse timeline

warnings: nightmares, blood, swearing, jealousy, insecurity, alcohol, brief brief brief reference to an ED if you squint, we were introduced to Petals in the my tears ricochet piece and there was popular demand for me to bring her back, i took some stylistic risks with this one, and it’s that this has no point of resolve and a very abrupt ending, if you hate this don’t tell me because i’ll cry

word count: 3,325

Picking up Bob’s wrist where his watch sits, you glance at the time, rolling your eyes. He looks down at your curiously, sipping his drink. 

The last thing you expected to be the topic of conversation tonight was her. You’d made the mistake of leaning over to your best friend’s phone, being nosy about what he was looking at on Instagram. There’d been a picture of your old teammate, Moonshine, as she’d taken a leave trip to New York City after the Green Vipers short trip to Miramar. 

It’s how you learned she’d been at Top Gun with your best friend the first time around, and subsequently your boyfriend. And apparently most everyone else too. 

The group had now been trading stories of their experiences will her, all glowing. It’d been at least a half hour of this, and you slowly felt like you were losing your grip on your sanity, what with the whiplash Coyote was giving you. He’d been there, watched her follow everyone else and treat you like shit, so where did he get off talking like this?

“Take it you’re not a fan?” Hangman smirks as he raises an eyebrow at you. You shake your head, running a hand through your hair. 

“Not in the slightest.” 

“Really?” Phoenix asks, leaning up against the pool table. 

“Why?” Your boyfriend asks incredulously and you glance at him, shrugging. 

“Just... didn’t have a good experience with her.” 

You didn’t talk much about how awful everyone on the team had been. They knew you didn’t like your old squadron but you were unwilling to detail just how badly they treated you. 

“Gonna need more reason than that, babe.” 

You turn to him. “Well, why do you like her so much?” 

He looks away. “You know... she’s a good pilot. Funny. Life of the party.”

“Pretty too.” Hangman comments, looking between you and Rooster. 

You glance at him. “What? Why do I get the feeling I’m missing something?” Coyote nudges Hangman, shaking his head. Phoenix coughs awkwardly, looking up at the ceiling. “What?” Your boyfriend shifts, setting his drink down next to the pool table, game long forgotten. 

“We... hooked up once or twice when we were at Top Gun the first time.” 

Oh. 

He carefully watches you, waiting for a reaction, but you don’t have one to give him, trying to not squirm from the slimy feeling slithering up your spine. 

“But that’s not why I like her. She’s cool, really good pilot. I don’t know, you don’t meet pilots as genuine and level-headed as her. She’s just.. she’s really... I don’t know, she’s cool.” 

There’s a prickling sensation, something you want to recognize as jealousy. 

You pick up your drink, knocking the rest down your throat. You swallow and set the glass down with a little bit more force than necessary. The noise the movement makes echoes in the silence of the group. “If she’s so cool, you should go date her instead.” 

You pull yourself from your boyfriend’s arm, slipping off the bar stool and moving away from the pool table. 

“Oh Rebel, c’mon, I didn’t mean it like that.” He calls after you but you ignore him in favor leaving the bar. Crossing your arms, you take a deep breath as you walk towards your car. 

Only a month or so in, and despite the years you’d known him, you wouldn’t call your relationship with Bradley anything short of new. 

At times, it felt like no place had ever felt more right than being next to him. At times, it seemed like everything had happened to lead you to be right here, right now. 

Other times though, it felt like one misstep would take you hurling back to the years of animosity. One misspoken word, one argument, would fracture the happy family and fragile peace, leaving your hands littered with glass as you did what you did best. 

Hurt them first, right?

As gross as the two of you were (Fanboy’s words), always so blatantly in love with each other, you were still unsure about if you belonged here. Belonged here, belonged with them, belonged with him. 

It had little to do with Moonshine as a person. You did have to admit, that when her head wasn’t up Ghost and Shadow’s ass, when she wasn’t constantly seeking the approval from others, she was cool. She was funny, was genuine. If she could get away from her “follow the leader” mentality, the two of you probably could’ve been great friends. 

But... You hadn’t been around for Top Gun with this crew. Most of them had known each other since then, and hell a few of them went all the way back to flight school. You were just as new as Bob and it still sometimes felt like you were fighting to earn your place here. 

You still weren’t sure you were cut out for this team, for what the Navy expected from you all. You still weren’t sure that one day you’d be turning around and heading straight back to the Green Vipers. The only two ties you had to this group were your best friend and your boyfriend and if they changed their minds about you... well, you weren’t a fool to think these people would still be friends with you. 

It had little to do with Moonshine as a person. It was what she represented. If she was so great... well, maybe she belonged in your place instead. 

You certainly didn’t disagree. 

- 

You sit at the bar, head propped up on your hand as you watch Rooster clap Bob on the back. He’s startled by the movement, dropping a few peanuts, but smiles the toothy grin at him nonetheless. 

You’d retreated to the bar twenty minutes ago under the pretense of getting more beers and it doesn’t seem like anyone had noticed your disappearance from the group. Hell, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed if you hadn’t shown up tonight.

Why had you shown up tonight? 

Penny’s making polite conversation with you as you sit there, and you thank your lucky stars she doesn’t comment on the fact that you are clearly uninvested in the discussion. Looking back to the group, you make eye contact with Rooster and you immediately look away. 

“Someone’s coming to talk.” She whispers and someone is as the bodies of Rooster and Hangman appear on either side of you. Your boyfriend sighs, settling down in the seat next to you, arm moving to settle on your back. You ignore him, continuing to sip on your drink. 

“You’re mad at me.” He says as Hangman orders different drinks from Penny. 

You swallow as Penny eyes the two of you, handing the beers over to Hangman. “I’m not mad.” You finally settle on. 

“Course she’s mad Rooster, it’s not cool to bring up a girl you used to bang in front of your current girlfriend.” 

“You instigated that Bagman, so shut up.” You say, taking another sip of your drink. 

Hangman raises his hands in surrendering, retreating the the pool table. Rooster nudges you, nodding his head back to the group. “C’mon, come play.” 

You shake your head, swallowing the last of your drink. “’M good.” 

“Honey, I’m sorry I brought her up. Know it must not feel good to hear about that.” 

“Quite frankly, I don’t care that you hooked up with her.” 

He nods slowly. “Okay... then why are you mad?” 

“I told you, I’m not mad.” 

He sighs, leaning his head up against your shoulder. “Honey, please just talk to me so we can fix this.” 

“I’m not mad; do you want me to create feelings that aren’t there?” You ask, feeling yourself starting to get defensive. 

“You’re jealous.” 

And he’s not wrong, not entirely, because you had been for a moment, but only before the insecurity had set in. 

You shake your head. “Not jealous.” 

“Well, you’re something because you’re been sitting over here for half an hour talking to Penny and you’ve barely talked to me all day.” 

“How do you know I’m not having an engaging, intellectually stimulating conversation with Penny?” He gives you a look that has your defenses rising up even faster. “Would you just drop it?”

“Are we gonna be good if I do?” 

You stand up from your seat, turning towards the pool table. “Yeah, we’re fine.” 

He groans. “That does not sound like we’re fine.” He calls, catching the attention of Fanboy. You slip in between him and Payback. “Rebel-”

“I said, I’m not mad and we’re fine. We’re dropping it.” He watches you for a moment, assessing if that’s really what he wants to do, but must decide from continuing the conversation, deflating down into a stray bar stool. You turn, grabbing your keys and jacket that had originally been thrown over the railing near the pool table as the team watches you. “I’m going home.” You say to no one in particular. No one protests or follows you as you make your way out of the bar, and it takes everything you to not let that sting as you walk to your car. 

-

Shutting the locker door, you shoulder your bag and slip your phone into you back pocket. 

“Hey, you coming to the Hard Deck tonight?” 

You turn to see Halo sitting on the bench, looking back to you. Phoenix turns at the comment, wet hair from her shower falling over her shoulder. Tentatively, you grip the straps of your bag and shake your head. “Nah, I’ve got a friend in town. Going out to dinner to catch up with her.” Phoenix raises an eyebrow but says nothing. “What?” You ask, turning towards her. 

Most days, you weren’t sure if you and Phoenix would ever be friends. Maybe the two of you could be amicable, friendly even, a few years down the road. Still, she’d grown on you and you had hoped you had grown on her but... it was tough. 

You knew she kept you at arms length, that much was obvious. Knew she was still Rooster’s best friend, didn’t trust you to take care of him, to not break his heart. She didn’t trust you and damn if that didn’t sting. 

Phoenix shakes her head. “Nothing, you just... don’t seem to be doing a lot of spending time with us lately.” 

You sigh, shifting your bag. “That’s not true, you guys were at my house on Saturday.” 

“Okay, let me rephrase: you don’t seem to be wanting to spending a lot of time with us lately.” 

“That’s especially not true, considering game night was my idea.” 

She eyes you for a moment and then glances back to Halo before dropping down to the bench. “Does this have anything to do with the Moonshine thing-” You huff, readjusting your grip again as you move your eyes to the ceiling “-from last week, because truly Bradshaw didn’t mean it-” 

“-like that. Yeah, I got it Phoenix, thanks. Look, I really gotta go-” She sighs, cutting you off. “What?”

Once more, she shakes her head, rubbing her fingers over her temples. “Nothing. Have fun with your friend.” 

You nod slowly, feeling your throat dry. “K, well, I’ll- see you all tomorrow then.” You wave, bidding them goodbye, as your back turns and head for the door. You blink back the tears threatening to fight their way over as you walk towards the parking lot. 

That couldn’t even be considered a fight, barely a disagreement between teammates. Still, you wanted her to like you so bad-

There was a sickening feeling of deja vu crashing over you. 

You never learned. 

-

The laughter ringing out made your soul feel lighter than it had in weeks as you sit across from your friend in some Mexican restaurant Google had recommended. She smiled at you as you looked down to your phone, seeing a text from Bradley, telling you that he missed you and wished you were there. 

“Lover boy?” You nodded as you lock the device and slip it back into the bag, returning your attention to your friend. 

“I wish you were staying longer than a night.”

She sighs. “Wish I could too, but I’m out on deployment for six months at 8 am sharp tomorrow.” 

A silence falls over the table as you fiddle with your fork, avoiding her eye. “Can I ask you a question?”

She hums an affirmative. 

“You went to Top Gun with them all, right?” She nods. 

“A few of them, yeah. Why?” You sigh, leaning back in your chair as she reaches across the table for another chip. “Uh-oh, is this the part of the night where you’re honest with me and tell me there’s trouble in paradise?” 

You roll your eyes, shaking your head. “What did you think of Phoenix?”

“Of Phoenix?” She asks, pausing as she raises an eyebrow. You nod. “I liked her. Very intelligent, very clever. Good pilot. Earned everything she’s gotten. Why?”

You shrug. “I just don’t think she likes me very much.”

“I doubt that. She sticks to the other female pilots. There aren’t many of us. And even if she doesn’t, what does that matter?” 

“She’s Bradley’s best friend and I don’t- I don’t know.” You mumble, cheeks going red. 

“What’s really going on? C’mon, out with it.” 

You sigh. “Um, last week Moonshine-” Petals makes a noise in her throat, rolling her eyes. “-got brought up and I found out she and Rooster hooked up a few times at Top Gun.” 

“Thought he had standards.” 

You shoot her a look. “And I just- I’ve sort felt like I’ve been on the wrong foot, with this whole team since I got here, and I just- I don’t think I belong here P. Maybe she belongs here instead.” 

“Belong with this team or with him?”

You groan, reaching up to rub your eyes. “Both, maybe? I don’t know.” 

She eyes you as you fall silent. The silence grows as she waits for you to continue but no words find their way to the surface. The waitress comes over, asking if you want dessert. She looks to you as you down the last of your margarita. 

“I don’t know about you, but I kind of want one of everything.” 

You laugh as the alcohol warms you. “One of both? Sure, why not.” 

You didn’t acknowledge the little voice in your head screaming at you that you didn’t need one of both, let one of any dessert, because you didn’t do that anymore-

Petals closes the menu, smiling at the waitress. “Can we also have another round of margaritas? Thank you so much.” The waitress walks off and Petals turns to you. “Why do you feel out of place?” 

“I just- I don't feel like I’m good enough to be here. And I don’t know, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop with him, to fuck things up like I always do-”

“First of all, no you don’t. He is equally, if not more, responsible for your falling out. Second of all, and I’m sorry to be so frank with you, but the idea that you are not good enough to be with this team, or don’t belong with this team, is bullshit.” She puts her elbows up on the table, clasping her hands together. “If the Navy wanted Moonshine on this team, wanted Moonshine called back for that mission, they would’ve called back Moonshine and Coyote. But they didn’t. They called you back because the Navy wanted you. Bradshaw doesn’t want Moonshine, he wants you.” 

You look at her, struggling to allow her words to ring true. 

You deserved to be here. 

You were good enough. 

He wanted you. 

“I just-”

“Rebel, he loves you. Loves you more than I’ve seen another person love someone. Even back then, I knew. I know now. He loves you so honestly, so openly. He’d bleed open if it meant you’d accept his heart. Why can’t you trust him with yours?”

You make a noncommittal shrug, avoiding her eyes. “I don’t know... things are good right now, I’ll admit it. But they’re delicate. If I fuck it up, I lose everything.” 

She raises an eyebrow. “This isn’t just about Bradshaw is it?” You shake your head and she sighs. “Okay, here’s what I know. I’ve had my issues with Bradshaw. We’ve talked about it.” You nod. “Hangman’s an ass and I can’t stand him.”

“Yeah, fair. valid. I don’t like him either.”

“And for however much I like Phoenix, I know she’s still loyal to Bradshaw.” 

You nod, bottom lip catching in your teeth. “Yeah.” 

“But I know Coyote to be good people, but I also know you know that too.”

You duck your head. “Of course I know it P. They’re all good people, I think Hangman might even have a heart in there somewhere.”

“But?” She prompts. 

“But I know that I have a reputation. And you know, how do I... how do I ask them to keep taking hits because of it? How long can they put up with me before they get tired of it? I mean, you know it, it’s got to be exhausting defending me all the time, to have to have my back, to carry the brunt of my shit.” 

“What reputation do you think I’ve got exactly?” She asks sharply, eyes narrowing.

“For being a rule-breaker. For-”

She waves a hand, cutting you off before you can even finish. “You earned your callsign. And if anything, you’ve earned a reputation because you’re a good pilot. For being a good friend, for always having your wingman’s back. I know you think you’re asking a lot of these people but you’re not. You’re not asking a lot of them to be there, to be your friend. What you fail to see is that they want to be your friend. Bradshaw doesn’t want to be with anyone but you. And I consider myself damn lucky to call you my close friend.”

She settles back in her chair, eyeing you as the dessert arrives at the table. There’s silence as she continues to stare at you, even as you reach for one of the plates, ignoring her. 

Finally, she sighs. “You heard from your Mom lately?” 

You pause, eyes snapping up to hers at the sudden change in topic. “No and I don’t care to. Why the fuck are you bringing her up?”

She shrugs, leaning over the table to take the plate you’re holding from you. “Don’t let her dictate your life. You’re not on your own anymore.” 

-

The white of your dress was stained, blood seeping through the material, turning the creamy color to one that made your stomach turn. You wiped your hands against it, leaving streaks of blood behind, but never able to fully get them to become clean. 

You swallow, getting frustrated as you try so hard to rid yourself of the stain, of your mistakes. 

You had sworn your wouldn’t do this again.

“I knew you’d break his heart in the end.”

It’s Phoenix’s voice.

Your head shoots up, searching for her, begging for her to forgive you for hurting him first. 

You didn’t mean to-

The only one who’s there in this room of white though, is a figure you never thought you’d see again. 

“Mom?” 

She smiles softly at you. “It happened, didn’t it, honey?” 

“I tried, I promise, but now-” You look down again to your hands, realizing how red they are. Red with his blood. It had been his heart you’d broken. “I’m sorry, so sorry-” 

“Oh, honey, don’t you know?” You shake your head, eyes searching hers. “They never cared in the first place. All the bridges burned.” 

You swallow, fighting to stand to your feet. “No, they like me, they’re my friends-”

She lets out a laugh that sends cold straight through you, echoing and ringing out for miles through the space. 

[projectiondepartment]

jumpscared by instagram memories from this day last year when i just posted a page from julia kristeva bc it was dissertation season and i was also genuinely starting to lose my grip on sanity #Darkacademia my masters thesis on manic street preachers the holy bible 1994 u will always be famous for making me so incredibly unwell

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/Eric Cartman & Stan Marsh/Eric Cartman

/mixed feelings/ part 1/3

Summary: After Kyle breaks up with Cartman he begins to have seconds thoughts about his choices after realizing Cartman's new developed feelings for Stan

~~~~~

"I'm telling you, dude. Cartman doesn't like me," Stan kept insisting after being interrogated by his best friend mid bathroom break.

He zipped up back his pants and went to the sink soaking his hands with soap and water.

"The way he looks at you, Stan, is how he used to look at me," Kyle hissed, placing a hand over his chest, "you got to believe me and be careful."

The raven boy gripped the bridge of his nose, "Okay, if and I'm just saying IF Cartman were to like me why do you care?"

Kyle mouth almost drop as he eyed Stan in disbelief by that solid question, "because.. because- it's Cartman!"

"Dude, you know I would never like him back if that's what you're worried about," his best friend commented casually as he grabbed a paper towel to dry his hands up.

"Why would I ever worry about that fat piece of shit liking someone else!" Kyle snap back defensive, cheeks were red as Santa's coat, "if I broke up with Cartman, it's because I realized sooner or later that relationship was going anywhere but to a mental clinic! I got some of my sanity back." Kyle blurted out as he paced around the bathroom, crossing his arms and facing away from Stan.

"O–Kay," said Stan nonchalantly, already done with the conversation. He walked towards the door and before he could push it open Kyle snapped, hugging him from the legs

"Please, Stan! I beg you, don't date Cartman!" He cried out pleading, burying his head in the soft fabric of his favorite grey pants covering it all with snot.

"God, alright! Jesus christ," Stan screamed baffled, as he had his arms extended up in the air not knowing what else to do.

Ofcourse Stan would never do that to Kyle, that's against all bro codes, and mostly being remotely interested in Cartman. It was actually quite offensive for his best friend to believe he even had that type of low standards.

Though, he didn't think Cartman could develop some sorta thing for him, yes, they had been hanging out more. But it's mostly due the fact of his break up with Kyle everthing was just so tense between them that they started drifting apart and hanging out separately.

"I won't ever date, Cartman," he forcefully promised, rolling his eyes by the annoying and unnecessary confrontation.

Kyle sniff, standing up and looking at him slightly more relieved, "promise?"

"Promise," Stan gestured the door, "can I go now?"

°°°°

"Do you want some of my fries, Stan?" Cartman offered by batting his eyes in a innocent manner.

Stan was left speechless, Cartman would never just offer food to anyone. He felt Kyle glare through his skin from the other table, he was already regretting sitting with Butters, Clyde and Cartman today.

He arched a brow, "What're you scheming, Cartman?"

The boy huffed, "wow, I can't be a good friend cause you think I want something in exchange? That offends me, hippie."

"I thought you wanted to be nice to Stan and see if you could go out on a date with him, Eric," Butters slipped up naively.

"Shut up, Butters!" Cartman snapped, flustered.

Okay, maybe Kyle was right after all. Stan's eyes widen in shock.

"Uh, yeah, I'm leaving," he stood up abruptly but Cartman grabbed his arm.

"Look, I really don't want to lose the only friend I have apart from Kenny," Cartman said desperately, Stan could see in his eyes that he genuinely meant that.

Stan felt pity how their group ended because of some shitty middle school romance, mostly for Cartman cause he is the most affected negatively considering they'll pick spending time with Kyle over him.

He sighed, "alright, fatboy. But just cause I'm no longer with Wendy doesn't give you the right to make moves on me or do any of your weird shit," he warned before letting go of Cartman's grip and leaving his tray on top of the trash bin being followed behind by Cartman; like some energetic puppy.

°°°°

Stan looked at the white board during class, his brows were knit together tight. On one side Kyle glare at him cautiously, on the other it was Cartman who looked at him in a dreamily manner.

This situation was gonna drive him nuts, there couldn't be a possible solution for all this could there?

Kyle was too stubborn to admit he still has feelings for Cartman, always had, he's just being stupidly in denial about. Even though he was the one to initiate things with Cartman and funny enough the one to end it after three weeks in.

Surprisingly Cartman was taking their relationship seriously, and indeed was in love with Kyle. It wasn't shocking to hear Cartman cry his guts out to Butters and Kenny about it, about how Kyle broke his heart demolishing every ounce of humanity left in him. Which was an exaggeration, but still, he understood why Cartman was so upset. He also understood what it's like to have your heart broken, so he tried comforting him in his own way at some points.

He really didn't do anything wrong, it was all Kyle's denial and acceptance. So it didn't feel wrong to blame Kyle for it, this time.

Kyle beforehand had been talking about being insecure of their relationship during the start of it all, and in the middle of said relationship was contemplating the possibilities and outcomes if it were everlasting. It's not like he didn't warn him to not worry about it too much, Kyle was always an overthinker. He reassured him that only time will tell, but that was never enough to ease Kyle's worries, ironically the only one that could calm that cloudy storm of his own crooked mind was Cartman.

Somehow even being mostly the outlet of Kyle's anger he was also the one that could mellow him down quickly when it came to random outbursts, like water to it's flame.

Would it be odd to compare Cartman to water? Not entirely, water could be anything at anytime, it's a liquid that could either be salty or sweet. It's beauty is captivating but just as it being captivating you could also drown, it can be deadly or chaotic.

Water could be rivers, oceans, ponds and even lakes.

Like a river it could be calm and fun even if that meant it could easily lure you down to a deadly trap like a waterfall, but like a lake it could trick you into having a nice time while also potentially leading you to a dangerous aftermath, like parasites or being sucked by blood drinking leaches. But, trails of water could also lead you to safety, security; when you're lost or need of guidance.

A pond with a beautiful exterior giving such a relaxing, admiring view to it all while also hiding in it's depths a possible dark secret laying around, being a perfect hideout for a corpse or dunking illegal weapons inside, potential links to countless crimes.

Let's not even talk about the ocean, so big that if you dive in too far you'll get lost, in a almost never lasting end. Waves strike you hard and is use as some barrier, a warning to not dive further.

But many never listen, diving in until it's too late to look back.

The weather constantly changing in there, so dangerous, so cold in it's nights. Yet the reflection of the moon shining against it making it all look magical. Still, we cannot live with out water. A mixture between beauty and horror.

Survival and guidance.

Calm to it's disaster.

Cartman was water to Kyle's flame.

Fire on the other side is known to be destructive, chaotic when it's spreads. But it's useful for protection, alerting, signaling help or killing parasites from raw food, keeping you warm, a comfortable outlet when used properly, help heal wounds and possible infections. Fire is a beautiful sight, the blossoming colors that'll drawn you in and want to try convincing you on putting your hand inside and take the pain just for the experience or possibly live pass it, immune; which is never a good thing.

It's beauty is a cover for the true nature that rises from flames and sparks.

People see fire as something entertaining, spiritual, some attempt to walk through a path of flaming rocks or jump pass it. To be one with fire or for mere fun.

The fact that fire is so knowingly of being destructive yet people find ways to play with it, get closer to it. Says how much it could be dismissed by it's damages. After all, fire is never to blame when it comes to the people that provoke it.

Or maybe he was just thinking too much? Now the raven boy wonders if spending much time in the literature club with Cartman was finally getting him.

He shrugged those thoughts away, trying to focus in class and ignore both his friends stares.

He clenched his hands while trying to not drift his sight on to one. He knew well enough to not get entangled between the two archrivals conflicted tension, but if felt inevitable by the position his lead in to.

He glanced at Cartman who blushed by being caught immediately looking the other way, attempting to act like he wasn't being so damn obvious on sending him mix signals of a possible crush.

Next —

[imaginedreamwrite]

I would like to add my headcanon for actor Ransom:

Since they are practically strangers, there isn't much of physical contact between them. But it all changes when Reader starts showing. One day she shows her little belly (it didn't 'popped', but she already could see it changed) and Ransom gets genuinely so excited that he unconsciously reaches out to touch it, but then stops himself. Reader, of course, let's him feel the bump, noting to herself how happy he looks. After that Ransom almost always touches her - in the beginning he would still ask permission, but as the time passes, his touches are welcome without asking. Because his smile, his happiness whenever he feels the baby let Reader trust him fully. Let her think there is a future for them, together.

(And after some time he touches her because he wants her. Because she is a woman he desires, she is woman who give him everything and he can't let her go)

Ransom never held any excitement toward his cousin’s pregnancies, he never gave a shit about trying to really feel the bumps or bond with the babies. He never had a desire to be around them, not when he had better things to do, however it all changes when he sees it for the first time.

Really sees it. Truly, tucked behind a loose cotton shirt, is where he had finally seen the softness, the roundness of your belly and he felt himself losing grip on reality.

Never in his 40 years of life on earth, had Ransom Drysdale been so captivated by something so ordinary and so normal. Never had he ever felt such a tightness in his throat or thrashing of his heart, such a reaction had never quite swept over him like seeing your bump had.

He wanted to question his own sanity. The man who had encountered thousands of gorgeous women in his life, who had slept with actresses and models, some of the most beautiful women in the world, was thrown head first into an endless pit of desire.

All because of a bump, all because of you tightening your cotton shirt around your belly to show him the growth.

Growth. Child.

Growth. Baby.

His growing baby.

“Its still subtle yet but it’s growing-”

“Shut up.” He barked out an order, silencing you for nary a minute while your eyes narrowed and your lips pursed.

“Ransom don’t be such an asshole-”

What the fuck was wrong with him?

He was debilitated by a baby bump, he was thrown for a crazed loop because of a woman who was wearing two day old sweats and a cheap shirt from target when just a few days ago his PA had arranged a lunch date with his co-star.

He was flooded with desire and want, a certain drive that made him want to forgo every other damned woman on the planet for you.

“-and don’t tell me to shut up-” while he may not have told you to shut up the second time around, his action had driven you to quietude.

It was his hand resting upon your baby bump that made you stop talking. It was the way his hand felt against your bump, against your stomach that was showing the first evidentiary signs of life within you, that had you pausing. Just as he had been enraptured by you, you were cautiously taken back by his reaction to your body.

“Fuck,” he groaned heartily, a bolt of lightning striking him directly, a blast of imminent energy rocking him completely from head to toe, and all he could do was manage to curse, “fucking shit. What the shit?”

“Ransom! The baby can hear you!” You scolded him, and with your scold had come his own wide-eyed gaze.

He looked like a child, mystified and completely blown away by you and the bump. He was unable to form coherent thoughts, unable to touch base with the rich cocky asshole he usually was.

He was no longer a famous and desired actor, not in the moment.

He wasn’t an actor with thousands, or perhaps hundreds of thousands, of fans who loved him or wanted to fuck him. Not now, anyway.

Now, he was Hugh Ransom Drysdale.

Hugh Ransom Drysdale who had just felt and witnessed physical evidence that he was going to have a child.

“It can hear my voice?”

“Don’t call my baby an it.” You hissed again, reaching out as if to smack his hand away, and then changing your mind. “Bean.”

“Bean? What the fuck is bean?” Ransom’s scoffing and cursing was met with your eyes rolling, though you hadn’t scolded him again.

“Bean,” you spoke coolly and nudged him with your hip, “is what I’ve nicknamed my baby.”

“Our baby.” Ransom couldn’t catch himself in time. He couldn’t stop himself from letting it slip, and immediately felt like a fool after.

“Ransom-” the moment ended with him feeling overwhelmed, and with that feeling Ransom had withdrawn his hand and placed it back by his side, his cool mask settling back on his face.

“I have to go.” He drew past you without looking back, waiting until he had left the house and closed the door before he stopped, raised his hand and looked upon his palm.

And ever so slowly he smirked, something small and incomprehensible but visible.

[artsycloudysleepy]

no one cares but seeing as ISAT has me in a chokehold rn my fav characters in order:

Siffrin

Odile

Loop

Isabeau + Bonnie

Mirabelle

(i am SO sorry mira lovers i love her too it's just i like the others a lil' bit more pls don't sacrifice me /jk)

Reasons why:

(Spoilers for the whole game under cut! This includes the epilogue + 2hats + achievements! I go full-on infodump!!)

Siffrin - I love angst and I love happy endings. I also love seeing a character slowly lose their sanity. Act 5?? when they SNAP?? I was SO excited the whole way through. REVELLING in it. I loved seeing his facial expressions and wording change with each loop (esp the friends -> family -> actors pipeline). I LOVE analysing that stuff!! also i correctly predicted where they came from and did a little dance when confirmed so yay! (for the record i headcanon the Country as in-game version of France or a region nearby, just bc of Mal du Pays' name - fun fact, that translates to 'homesickness'! (cries))

(edit: i now know that Vaugarde is France so uh. idk anymore lol)

(also i'm a sucker for sickfics and delirious characters bc it's so tender and sweet and that scene in act 5/6/whatever?? the way everyone was so concerned for them?? the way that Sif was so desperate to fight the King and break the loops that they willingly went through the whole House, fought every monster by themself, hallucinated his family being there for him to the point he doesn't even originally see the actual photo of himself and instead sees the first photo the family took in the mirror?? not even the ones he faked smiles for, but the one he was genuinely surprised and joyful in??? the fact they were malnourished and burning up when they fought the King and tried anyway to get through it and were still coherent enough to be terrified their family would die?????? how-)

Odile - I got the Sus achievement bc I love other characters figuring another one out, and she's really interesting. I loved her constantly guessing that sif might be a bit off too. Her background made me SO sad and her and Sif's heart-to-hearts in the hangout and the epilogue made me really emotional. And she's kinda hot uhh and her Paper α V helped a lot lol (haha pls help i am a humble lesbian)

also her just wanting to sleep and ignore everyone's chatter at ungodly hours is such a mood honestly. she did not sign up for this lmao

(again the fever stuff with Sif sold me on Dile, too. her checking in on him and monitoring his fever?? the way she was quite obviously incredibly concerned and wanting to make sure they're at least physically okay bc their family dynamic is so strong now?? it destroyed me. I love her sm you have no idea)

Loop - They made me genuinely bawl. I am SO upset I didn't get their boss fight (i didn't know how to unlock it and had no backup saves), but i'll replay ISAT once recovered from looping 71 times. Their BG sold me, otherwise I would have ranked them maybe at Mirabelle's place? I like to think that post-game Sif found them again and forced them to be adoptive siblings. Loop awkwardly being dragged around by Sif who's just happy they're not the only traumatised Sif to exist

Isabeau - Puns. Crushing. Smart jock, buff nerd. What's not to love?? The relationship with Sif was surprisingly gripping - I knew I'd be invested in the gayness dw, but i was worried that would be all there is to his character or that he'd constantly be made the butt of a joke in that regard. but he wasn't!! and the jokes were funny (I loved Odile just third-wheeling constantly)! and the confession was beautiful. I am so happy that he also didn't rush Siff into a relationship: 'yh dw u kinda just died a bunch i'm not in a hurry for u to make up ur mind lol'. also transmasc isa :D

I think also how in Act 5 Isa was the only one to prepare himself for Siff's increasing mania and depression + willing to challenge him back to stand up for himself and their family really sold me. Like, he's not the oblivious crush who's like 'omg siff's amazing haha nothing they ever do is wrong' like some media portrays crushing ppl. He's very aware Sif is an incredibly flawed person (as all ppl are, but esp him at that moment), but he's also very aware that something is causing them to act like this and knows that staying calm and not shouting back is best. He knows they're suffering, even if he doesn't know the extent right then, and wants to help him however he can.

Bonnie - They're adorable and hilarious. I felt so guilty when I tried to feed Sif plantain chips (after getting the trigger about them) and the pineapple bc they were so happy?? and then Sif reacted to it negatively (in one case dying) and I felt SO AWFUL. And when the King killed them I genuinely was in shock. Hand over mouth. I knew 'children in peril' was a tw but I thought they might just get hurt/be in danger; not that (not a personal trigger so was okay with it dw). But I loved that twist. I did not expect that and it was so gripping!!

aaaaand then the Snack Leader is superior regardless! Plus I correctly predicted that they were part of why Sif's blind in one eye and how (guessed he jumped in to save them from a sadness) so i was chuffed at that. I also loved how they were written really realistically for a child their age - most media seems to portray pre-teens (tho i see Bonnie more as a 10.5-11yo who says they are a preteen anyway) as obnoxious/idiotic/babyish, or write their dialogue as if they have never spoken to or been a child in their life.

Mirabelle - OKAY I KNOW I'LL GET PPL MAD ABT THIS I'M SORRY. SHE IS THE AROACE ICON AND I LOVE HER BELIEVE ME! I just didn't really feel as strongly abt her than the rest?? idk i mean maybe it's bc i'm atheist and don't really relate to the religious narrative as much (the guilt over being aroace being tied to the Change belief). I related to her a lot on the aspec front, just less on the other part? so maybe she's just not the character i can relate to as much. Still, I love her and will protect her with my life 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

[missmonsters2]

I’m experiencing something similar.

It’s complicated but to put it short I wanted more and they didn’t. I understand their concerns and I know I should end everything for the best. But unlike you I’m still sticking around and hope they’ll change their mind.

I know I shouldn’t be but it’s just hard to cut them out completely. Sometimes I don’t even know what I should do.

naurrr i'm sorry 🫶🏻I know it's literally so hard and devastating 😭

I can tell you what helped me go no contact and begin to move on. Feel free to disregard it and know that I'm really empathetic to your situation and I am giving u a big hug or a fist bump, or whatever u prefer!!

To be honest, I had to come to grips with the reality that waiting around and being available to them will not make them appreciate or want me. If anything, they will find this behaviour a turn off and even if they don't—they'd only see me as a back up option but the second anything "better" comes around, they'd leave thinking/knowing I'm going to be around and available for them. And that's just an endless cycle. It's not to say they're a bad person or anything, but psychologically, this is typically what happens when we think someone is always going to be around.

I have to love myself more anything and realize that's not the kind of relationship I'd want. I had to keep telling myself that I want to be with someone who also wants to be with me. They didn't choose me, and it isn't to say anything about my worth. It's just not mutually compatible despite my own feelings about it. I can't force someone to feel the way I do, and waiting won't change that.

The second thing was seeing the relationship for what it is: attachment. Sure, there was moments of genuine bonding and connection, but the second we refuse to cut someone out, it's because we are attached to them, not the connection/bond. This makes it hard to let someone go because you've told your brain that you can't survive without this person. That's why it's so painful when you're breaking up and going no contact and it feels like something is literally being severed. It's an addiction and you're going through withdrawal.

The way I needed to think was that, yes, I know I am attached to this person, but I will survive without them. I was before and I will after. We should focus on connecting in dating vs attaching. Connecting means we feel heard, seen, and understood. And we only do that through conflict and repair over and over to see if that person can step up with us. Ultimately, we need to choose ourselves and not wait for other people to choose us.

This means: if the connection and bond goes, we have to as well, and it'll be very sad but we will also be okay.

In the end, the hardest thing you will ever have to do and stop giving your love and time to people who aren't ready to love us. It's instinct or habit to want to try harder to try to earn someone's love but if they tell us they don't want what we have to offer and don't want to offer anything to us, then we are only robbing ourselves of time, energy, and sanity.

I don't want to lose my mind over someone who isn't choosing me.

No contact is the first step in healing. It's the first step is loving ourselves and making space to give our love, time, and energy to the person who one day wants to give us everything we deserve.

I love u lots and wish u happiness 💘💘💘

[burdenedrose]

The Shining (1980)

I genuinely do not believe they could have casted Jack Torrance any better, Jack Nicholson was utterly perfect for that role, he plays a madman better than anyone i’ve ever seen before.

Although I found myself lost a few times throughout the film, I physically could not look away on chance that i miss anything at all. The suspense, the intrigue and the questions in the air tie this movie together, you’re left to make assumptions of your own and figure out the answers which is personally my favourite kind of movie.

(spoilers)

It seemed Jack wasn’t fully intact with his sanity long before he moved into the hotel, something about the way he spoke, his history with alcohol and overall the way he carried himself he never once seemed to me like a stable man. When he confided in Wendy that the hotel gave him a feeling of deja vu alarm bells went off in my head almost immediately. Danny interested me ever so aswell, he seemed to have some form of telepathy, or, as they called it “Shining”. I couldn’t quite figure out what exactly it was that was wrong with Danny when it came to the second personality in his mouth(?) Possibly a comforting split personality that he confronts in times of doubt or distress. He also seemed to be able to see into the future as such, or if not then predict it, he knew a lot more than everyone else.

The hotel seemed to affect Danny and Jack in two different ways, Jack seemed to lose touch with reality while Danny seemed to have more of a grip to it, Danny seemed to become stronger, while Jack became weaker as such. Wendy seemed to be somewhat inbetween, she had innocent bliss at first, felt strong about her comfort when it came to the hotel, but as time progressed she seemed to become more aware of the strain of what hotel did to her husband and son. Wendy was sweetly ignorant which brought a form of balance to the film, although her lack of awareness of what was happening to Jack and Danny was frustrating, she was a mere glimmer of hope in an otherwise mortifying chain of events.

Overall Jacks tie to the hotel was the cherry on top of the cake for me, left a wide range of speculation and was a divine way to complete the film; My theory (although i’m partially on the line about it) is that Jack was actually Delbert Grady, the original caretaker of the hotel whom killed his family. I’d like to believe after Grady killed himself, he was reincarnated as Jack Torrance to relive the events at the hotel again, that the dark energy from the hotel never died but reached out for Jack to return and recreate the events again (which, of course, did not work out in his favour). Although, at the end of the film where Jack is in the photo from the 1920’s of the opening of the hotel, it also points to the idea that Jack was always at the hotel (potentially the original owner?) Overall, I believe Jacks soul was always tied to the hotel throughout every lifetime he lived and that he was never going to escape the energy of the hotel, he claimed the “loved” the hotel very much, which is words that you’d expect the original owner to say about it, no? Fascinating.

Overall, I think the cinematography was amazing, every actor choice was perfect, it has the true suspense of a genuine thriller movie and the writing was just right, the first movie i’ve watched in a long time that i, without a doubt, really enjoyed and thus have little to critique.

[skunkovich]

losing my grip on sanity going back to read Corbyn era press! like it was genuinely batshit hysteria from every corner but suggesting it was anything other than Rational Concern™ from a Neutral Press™ was cause for ostracisation

[bunnywand]

my first christmas working at this job (2016) i was on the day shifts thru december.. and it was Such a horrible experience, that for the rest of the decembers i was there for in my initial stint at this job (2017-2020) i asked to do the night shifts instead.. which altho they’re horrible in a different way, i still found preferable cos at least u don’t have to deal w/ customers that way 😅

but when i came back to my job last year, i started too late to be put on the night shifts (my first day wasn’t til literally december 10th 😐) and it was just as awful on the day shifts as i remembered it, and maybe even moreso bcos i hadn’t worked there for 3 years and i Really got thrown back in at the deep end 😵‍💫

..and then to top it all off, as soon as i finished my shift on december 24th i got deathly ill w/ the fucking Flu for a month lmao..

so i’ve already volunteered to do night shifts this christmas, but i found out 2day they’re gonna run from the 9th all the way up til the 29th.. and last time i did That many night shifts (xmas 2019) i think i’d genuinely started to lose my grip on sanity by the end of it.. so looks like i’m gonna be in for a fun december again 🫣