#genuinely like. having a fucking breakdown about my gender tonight

[sallysetoncore]

okay so. saw les miserables tonight for the first time in five fucking years (which. okay so i'm 22. and in the last fifteen years. i have seen les miserables 8 times. so the fact that there was a five year gap in that is crazy) and like. in 2020 i got like. more into it than i ever have before. like it's been my favorite musical since i was seven but . in 2020 i read the book and i got like. genuinely a little unwell about it.

and that insanity kind of . ended in 2021/22 for a handful of reasons but also basically immediately became insanity about supernatural. which then has kind of died down at the end of 2023.

so. 2024. what's good? um. well. i basically moved and got a new job that became 99% of my life and. i don't know how to put this with any nuance but basically for the last six months i have been dramatically less transgender than usual. to a point of questioning if i was right to come out as nonbinary in the first place because i have been feeling so much like . Diet Woman. or "girl with they/them pronouns". but part of that is like, getting she/hered exclusively despite telling everyone my pronouns are they/them, and being in a place that is not exactly good about trans people (floridaaaaa). in the last six months, i have met exactly . four. out trans people. and i'm only like mildly close to one of them? so i just. i haven't been having the same irl community and support system i got very used to having in 2022/23.

and . god there's no way to say this without sounding like. cringe. so please fucking bare with me. but my connection to les miserables and my connection to supernatural both are HUGELY tied to gender, for me. the characters are mostly men. the romances i care about are mostly between men. like i am really, really captivated by Les Amis, right, the fucking 8 or so dudes in les mis. i want like, a brotherhood like that. and whatever the fuck team free will has going on, right? and these works . are sometimes comfortable to me in that way. bc when i write fic or whatever like. i get to be that guy. i get to have that connection. but it's also like. really uncomfortable to me bc then i have to get off of tumblr and close google docs and go back to being like. a fucking pretty girl. which i AM sometimes. so like. fucking there's no solution.

and like, also, these are not two medias that are like. popular with your average person. like they know what they ARE but it's not like. i know like one person down here crazy about les mis and one person crazy about supernatural but. not necessarily in the same way (both cisgender women; bisexual, but like, not reading the subtext the same way i am which is fine!!! they don't have to!!! but you understand).

and so like i keep joking about how a supernatural rewatch or getting really into les mis again would like fix me but it's also making me worse bc it's fucking painful. like this is so dumb but im like, watching the guy playing grantaire tonight and thinking. yeah i will never fucking look like that or get to play this role professionally. i MIGHT be able to beg a really progressive community theatre who doesn't have enough guys to let me play him some day but like. the biggest fucking shift in anything queer in les mis is the fact that they changed the line "there goes a prince / there goes a jew / this one's a queer / but what can you do?" to "this one's a queer / guess i'll try it too" and then thenardier fucking DIPS this dude and snarls at him??? like okay. gay rights i guess but. if it took like thirty years for that to happen. it's gonna be forever until they cast trans people in the way that i want them to.

[havinganormalone]

Annotated example of a failed fuck boy: red flags and how to spot bullshit

So I had a LOVELY encounter last night on tinder, and while the encounter itself was nothing uncommon, it was a perfect example of how certain men will try to lie and manipulate you to put you in an unsafe position. I wanted to breakdown the different red flags this guy gave off, as an instructional guide for anyone who might be new to the app dating scene, especially if you are kinky. Below the cut, I'll post the encounter, as well as annotations going blow by blow on the different red flags he gave off, and the vetting I did to get the information I need to determine he was unsafe, and some tips on how you can do the same.

Relevant context about myself: I am a genderqueer bisexual, so I choose people based on personality and compatibility, not gender. This means sometimes I still encounter cis het men on dating apps. That doesn't bother me, some are nice. But a lot will lie to you and say anything to get into your pants, including ignoring your gender. I am a trans masc butch, and say as much in my profiles, as well as that I am on T. Incels and pick up artists see me as a vagina and tits. This is not gay to them- I am confused and their dick can fix me. I'll let you know the tip offs that showed this guy falls into this camp.

I also am on the asexual spectrum, and am more interested in kink than sex. Again, this is plain as day on my profile. Many of these men will PRETEND to be kinky and have experience in order to con me into vanilla sex. They think being kinky means being easy or having low standards, will give lip service to being kinky, and then not know how to negotiate or do kink safely. When they show up, at best you're going to have them waffle and be like "I don't feel like having kinky sex tonight, can we do vanilla?" The goal is to get in the door with false promises and then hope to wear you down into having unsatisfying sex you don't want (and they will probably try to renege on any agreement to use protection while you are at it). At worst, this man is going to show up and do dangerous edgeplay on you with no experience and no proper negotiation- like starting to choke you during sex, which can kill you. I am experienced enough to have safety precautions and be able to hold my ground and send someone packing if they show up and do not honor agreements, but not everyone is, and spotting red flags before it gets to that point is the goal.

Okay, without further ado, let's get into it.

(Since he doesn't clearly show his face in his pfp, I'm not gonna bother to censor. It's not enough to identify him.) Yellow markings as things that aren't red flags and in certain contexts might be okay, but should make you cautious. Red is red flags. Green is my response and how I protected myself.

So right off the bat he gives me his number (which is censored). Any scammers or foul actors will want to get you off the app and talking through other means as quickly as possible. This is because if someone does scam me or hurt me, if we are still on the app, I can report it directly to the app and get that person banned. If we are off app, I will have to send in screenshots, and that extra step keeps scammers or foul actors retaining their accounts for longer. Be extra cautious the more impermanent or harder to report the method is: if you communicate only through snapchat, by the time the scam or harm is done, the evidence has deleted itself. However, I only put this as a yellow because there are several genuine reasons a person may not want to communicate via app. I personally hate typing on my phone and would rather talk through discord or another messaging service I can use on my desktop. However, be a little cautious when someone asks you to go off app. Don't give them any info that is too personal, and make sure you can save any evidence in the event it is needed. (Honestly I think this guy just wanted to send me dick pics, but it was not a great start)

He's up for ANYTHING I am? Wow! What an amazing deal! I better jump on it quickly! ANYTHING???? If I wanted to do an awesome fire play scene that incorporated live ammo, he'd be down??? The truth is, when you are actually experienced in kink, you know that you can't do everything on a moment's notice. Things take prep, the right space and equipment, as well as building trust. This fuck boy has no patience for that. He's here to put his penis inside me for 5 minutes and then leave. Being down for anything is code for him being desperate and being willing to make me promises he doesn't intend to keep.

We have so much in common! Like [INSERT HOBBY HERE]. He doesn't name anything he thinks we have in common, but leaves it vague and hopes I don't challenge him. This is a pick up artists strategy to attempt to "trick" me into thinking we are soulmates, when in reality, he isn't interested in getting to know me, and doesn't give a fuck about compatibility. Again, this is yellow because he could be sincere and just miswording it. You find out which it is by asking follow up questions, like I do later on, that reveal this to be a ploy.

He is projecting his desires onto me and assuming I want them without ever actually asking me what I want. He wants to spend the night with me, so of course I must want that. I'm just a dumb bitch, there's no way I'd have thoughts and desires of my own! Also I haven't even sent him a message yet, and already he's seeing into the future, as if it's a foregone conclusion I'll be head over heels for him. This is another pickup artist tactic- they pretend to be interested in the longterm, when in reality they want a one and done. If they're gonna be with you forever, maybe you can overlook a LITTLE one-sidedness in bed. After all, there will always be later! It's writing a blank check when your account is at zero. (Although also in reality, most of these wannabes are pathetic and desperate enough that they will come back for more as long as you let them use you and don't assert your own needs. All the more reason to assert your needs!)

skipped 5 cause I can't count lmao

Okay, so this is my first message to him. I'm already suspicious enough that I normally wouldn't even respond, but I enjoy baiting these guys for my amusement. I'm a sicko like that. Anyways, you would be perfectly justified for reading the initial flags and bailing, you never owe people a response, but if you did want to give them the benefit of the doubt, then from here I suggest you prod a couple of those red flags. Establish boundaries, like I did about not wanting to meet up immediately and caring about compatibility. Establishing boundaries early is great- it gives these fuckos plenty of time to demonstrate they can't respect boundaries before you even meet IRL! Efficient! Here, I ask a very simple question that is very revealing: What are you into? This is a chance for him to make a genuine connection, be honest and share information about himself, and then ask me questions so he can learn about me. Notice he does not do that. Someone who wants to be real with you, even if it's for a night, will jump at the chance to talk about themselves at length. We'll see how he dodges giving and specifics in the next few responses, because he doesn't want to be genuine. He wants to lie in order to deceive me into fucking him, because he suspects (and may be correct!) that his true self is repulsive and terrible enough that I won't want to sleep with him if I knew who he really was.

So he gives me a laundry lists of non-specific answers in response to me asking about himself. Absolutely NO specifics. He doesn't mention genre, or particular media, or even game systems. Important context is that I list writing, reading, anime and gaming as some of my own hobbies on my profile. Honestly, props to him for even bothering to reflect some of that information back, that took bare minimum effort! This is a yellow, because hey, maybe we DO have overlapping interests. That's not a crime. But when you see stuff like this, ask follow up questions, like I do in my next response. The fraud is trying to strike a delicate balance of throwing out a wide enough net that something piques my interest and he can use that as an opening to meet and pressure me into sex, while being vague enough that I won't be able to tell if we don't actually play the same video games or like the same books. Remember, he's not trying to see me as a person. He doesn't give a fuck about what makes me come alive. I probably like dumb girl games, anyways! I could never appreciate his precious animes in the same way, so there's no point getting excited about them with me.

Again, this is a dead giveaway that someone has no idea what the fuck they are talking about when it comes to kink. Wow, you're into EVERYTHING? Can I shit in your mouth? Would you be interested in gargling my period blood? Any thoughts about branding? All of these are perfectly acceptable kinks when done consensually, of course, but people who actually ARE kinky and have experience know themselves enough to know they have limits, or even things they like or don't like. Kinksters not only recognize that everyone has hard no's and limits, they relish in sharing and understanding them. After all, consent is so important to kink, that the idea of just jumping into a scene without discussing what each party is okay with first is ANATHEMA to how kink works. This dude either has never done anything kinky, does not care about consent, or both.

This is a yellow flag not just because IQ is bullshit garbage science, but that it is empty flattery. He is trying to make me feel smart so that I agree to meet him in hopes of getting more of that sweet, sweet validation. He does not actually mean this. He thinks I am an idiot and is counting on me being stupid enough to fall for the bait. This is the kind of flattery men love to give out: the kind that not only do they not mean, but they actually think the opposite of. They love the thrill of tricking you and being able to feel superior for getting you to fall for something. (And this isn't even touching on the fact that intelligence is an insignificant metric for measuring how kind and wonderful a person is but that's a rant for a different post.

9. 2 because as I have just demonstrated, intelligence isn't the end all be all and I can't count! Anyways, this is my second response, and at this point I know for sure I have a liar on my line, so I'm going to play with him a little bit by asking him obvious questions that will make him panic and bullshit harder. If you want to tell if someone has ANY knowledge of BDSM, this is such a soft ball question that so many people fuck up: what are some scenes you've enjoyed? A person who has never participated in BDSM will have no idea how scenes actually work. Their only frame of reference is porn, which in case you are unaware, bears very little resemblance to how BDSM works in the real world. Porn cuts out the amount of set up, as well as the level of skill some performers have to practice to achieve. The average fuckboy thinks that a bound gangbang is a normal Wednesday for this fantasy life they want to live, and they have 0 idea how to achieve that. Meanwhile, most kinksters, even ones that live for bound gangbangs, realize that coordinating that many people's schedules and getting a space and negotiating consent and having the hard points for the rope ties and having someone skilled in shibari tie up the bottom is a lot of work. Most of our scenes are smaller in scale, but still intimate and fun. Maybe I'm gonna line soda cans up on my girlfriends' dumptruck butt and flog them off and we're both going to laugh so hard we cry. That's a scene I would believe could exist, because it has enough quirky, concrete detail that actual kinksters get up to, and is the sort of silly intimacy that makes kink fun for people. But this fuckboy wants to impress me, so we'll see the lie he actually comes up with soon.

10. Another way to easily tell if someone has ANY idea what they are talking about is to ask how their kink negotiations work. They rarely show this in porn- the negotiations take place off camera, because they are considered "too boring." But for someone into kink, this is where the real action happens. Every good scene starts with all parties sitting down and expressing desires. If someone asked me this, I would probably tell them how the first time I play with a new partner, I like to do a calibration phase where I do something very gently, ask them to rate it, do it slightly harder, ask them to rate it again, until we reach the limit of what they are comfortable with for that scene. By starting low and going slow, I avoid doing too much for my subs, and it helps build trust with them that I will not disrespect their comfort levels. My kink negotiations usually include hands on time with ongoing, enthusiastic consent, in order to get familiar with a new partner's preferences. Other people have more formal contracts to go over, with things like each partner writing down what they agree to or what is off limits. Shit, I've seen people who do needle play who have a diagram of the human body and ask their subs to circle areas they are comfortable having needles. There are several ways to handle kink negotiations, but they should all have the end goal of communicating what sort of play the sub is okay with, and maximizing safety while minimizing risk. The average liar will have no idea how to respond to this, and will do something half-assed. My guy didn't even bother to address it.

10.2 Why did I bother numbering these if I can't count? Anyways, he responds to my inquiry about his hobbies with more vagaries. He doesn't want to give me specifics because he doesn't see me as a person worth engaging with. Do you care if your fleshlight has an opinion on video games? That's what I am to him. There's also that trademark pickup artist attempt to portray himself as a "high value male." Yuck.

11. Huge red flag here: he doesn't know what the term "scene" means in the BDSM sense. He thinks I'm talking about filming?? Like, this is such a base level term I'm honestly surprised he failed this, but here we are. For those that don't know (because not knowing or having experience is okay and something you shouldn't be ashamed of- it's trying to deceive people about your experience that is dangerous!) a "scene" in BDSM means when people engage in negotiated kink. His rephrasing as an "elaborate scenario" is closer to the meaning than his assumption that it is about filming. Anyways, one of the reasons we call it a "scene" is because things agreed to in one scene are for that scene only, and after the scene ends, consent for those activities stops, and needs to be re-negotiated to be done again. For example, if you do an impact scene, then the scene ends, the top doesn't have permission to whack you the next day. You gave consent to be hit for that scene, and that scene only. It's an important building block to consent, and something a lot of outsiders misunderstand. Look, it's really just LARPing, you guys. You wouldn't run up to a LARP partner at the grocery store and whack them with their staff, because you are not in the game right now. Same goes for BDSM and consent negotiations.

12. (safe) "rape roleplay" scenario. The specific term for that is consensual non-consent, or CNC, and the fact that you don't know the terminology means you probably have no idea what you are talking about. Also, there is again a vague statement with no detail to back it up. Exactly how was the roleplay safe? Safety doesn't happen by accident. Tell me how you made it safe. Did you have a safeword? A drop flag for when the bottom was gagged? How often did you do color check ins? The idea of a safeword has entered the public consciousness, but that is only one small part of a BDSM safety net. Having a safeword for a scene as intense as this isn't enough by itself. A lot of people who fantasize about BDSM but don't actually do it don't realize that being able to break scene for 5 seconds to ask "Color?" and have the bottom check in with a "Green" is just as integral to a good scene as having a safeword. Consent is not just the absence of no- it is ongoing and enthusiastic, which means you also should do the occasional scene pause to check in. How often depends on experience and familiarity, but it is still there.

13. "My boyfriend." I only mention this because his profile said he was straight. He is feigning queerness because he knows I am queer and thinks he can do this to score brownie points with me. I know, I know, identity is complex and who am I to say he's never had a bisexual experience blah blah blah. I'm a trans person with a complicated gender identity, is who I am, and I have cis het men who see me as nothing more than a confused women pull this shit on my all the time. Listen, transmascs out there, stay safe. Cis het men WILL feign support of your identity to fuck you without respecting you. (Also cis het men can be terrible to everyone, but this is just something I've personally experienced that I don't see enough people talking about).

14. Again, this gives NO specifics. Name one position. Name one piece of gear. What the fuck do you mean lighting? I think he's still conflating "scene" with shooting a porno. He is throwing a lot at me trying to impress me without betraying his ignorance. Or at least, hoping not to betray it, but I see right through that shit, and I hope seeing this illustrated helps you see through it, too.

15. "It lasted over 2 hours straight with no breaks." Again, this is a number that SOUNDS impressive. After all, when was the last time you saw a porn that was even 2 hours long? But for those of us that do BDSM, an elaborate scene like this can take a while, because there are so many filler moments where we catch our breath or the action lulls, etc. That's the stuff they cut out in porn, which is also why he thinks no breaks is realistic. And I don't know, maybe it is for him and this supposed boyfriend, but it is definitely a yellow flag that should have you raising an eyebrow.

16. He's mad that I am making him bullshit so much, so he again pressures me to hang out and negs me about being boring. God, I'm so fucking dull, trying to vet someone and make sure I'm safe. Better act fast so he doesn't get bored and leave. Barf. This is a clear violation of my previous boundary about wanting to chat before I get to know someone. Again, I cannot emphasize this enough, as a Dom, I would NEVER pressure someone to rush into something. Jesus fucking Christ! The idea makes me sick. I want to talk to them and know what they are into so I can prep something we will both enjoy. Not to flex, but I love designing weird, fun scenes, and this is not how you do it. Also, please note that he has not asked me a SINGLE question about myself, or even what sort of kink I am looking for. I am not a person worth getting to know. He's not interested in doing kink with me. He wants to show up and pressure me into vanilla sex, which as an acespec kinkster, is a hard no for me. Please do not give in to this sort of pressure! I promise, no matter how badly you want to find a play partner, this sort of person will not play with you safely or even in a way that is fun.

17. Okay, context here off screen: as much as it KILLED me, I couldn't meet with him that night, because I was busy doing some intense tabletop with some trans friends. I told you that BDSM is basically LARP in a different hat, so you're not gonna be surprised that I'm also into nerdy tabletop. Anyways, this message didn't make the screenshots, but that's the context of what I told him offscreen.

18. He not only assumes that when I say I'm hanging out with some queer friends tonight that it is an orgy, he also assumes he is invited. It is important to illustrate that this sort of person does not care about your boundaries. He also takes it for granted that the queer people would be dying for his dick. (My guy. Why would we want your dick when there was perfectly good girlcock already there?)

19. Okay, this is a pet peeve of mine. 8 inch dick is actually very rare, like less than 10% of the penis-having population will have one. And yet every guy is MAGICALLY 8 inches. This bothers me not because I care about the size of a dick- you can have fun with any size- but because good sex is about good communication, and lying is NOT good communication. Again, the goal is to get in the door, and then if the penis is underwhelming, he's already there and can whine and sadsack and wear me down. This is yellow because hey, maybe he really DOES have that big of a dick, but it still doesn't matter. I never once indicated that I would be interested in touching or stimulating his penis, and still he has to bring it up.

At this point, the tabletop was getting intense, so I decided to stop baiting him and blow my cover so I could shift focus to the game. I sent him my response, then didn't check my phone again until this morning, at which point he'd left me this absolute GEM.

Okay, so obviously I hope none of you ever get in this deep with one of these scumbags, but now we've gone into some distressing patterns of abuse that I still want to point out as unacceptable and explain why.

20. He flips from building me up to tearing me down and promoting himself as better. Like my guy, I recognize as a human you have intrinsic value and deserve a right to live, but you don't recognize that same humanity in me. Do not let people like this make you feel any sort of way. They do not see the humanity in you, so you can safely disregard their opinion.

21. This is classic DARVO. For those that don't know DARVO is an abuse and control tactic that stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. He denies any wrong doing, attacks me with some pithy insults (I'm not schizophrenic, but being schizophrenic isn't an insult, and the fact that he thinks it is speaks volumes), and then accuses ME of doing exactly what he is doing. Listen, if you are a kind human being, chances are when someone levels you with an accusation of causing harm, you're going to do some self-reflection and soul searching because you don't want to hurt people. Abusers prey on this. They make you feel guilty for calling them out so that you are afraid to do so. If you are worried about hurting THEIR feelings, you will take the high road, even if it means being silent when they hurt you. Do not do this. Please. For me. Don't let people abuse you. You deserve to be happy and safe, and people like this have NO right to abuse you.

Also I really want to clarify: there is nothing to be ashamed of about not having experience! Everyone starts somewhere! The reason I rail on this guy for not knowing what he is talking about is that it is DANGEROUS to present yourself as experienced when you aren't, especially when kink is involved. People can get seriously hurt if they attempt kink without the proper knowledge or instruction, and I don't want anyone to be the guinea pig of men that aren't big enough to admit they are beginners. Rope play can cut off circulation and do nerve damage, impact play can cause serious spinal injuries if done improperly, needle play could lead to needles breaking off under, the skin, etc. Educating yourself about how to properly engage in a kink and reduce risk is so important, and so is vetting your potential play partners.

So I hope this was at all educational, and that maybe after breaking down these tactics step by step, you are better able to spot red flags, as well as having some tools to draw the truth out. If you found this guide helpful, consider reblogging so that someone else can find it helpful, too!

[nonbinarylowkey]

Hi its me again, that dude who asks about what would past Loki react thingy, anyway. Can you do a small headcannons where the “future” s/o was paired up with the past Loki and wearing some mask to cover up her face and stays quiet while helping him on his mission from the entire series. Pleaseeeee

Sure I can!  This might be a little different from what other people think because Loki doesn’t have a canon S/O to base the personality off of and this is just what I think his S/O will be like, but here we go:

At first S/O tries to distance themself from Loki. They might have to go on this mission together, but they don’t have to be close. And they’re not really interested in getting close to a version of Loki that they will almost certainly not be able to spend their life with. As far as S/O is concerned, this version of Loki is one that’s being used for certain missions that are best suited to his skillset, and then he’ll be set back to his own time to live the life he was meant to live before Tony’s botched attempt at getting the tesseract.

Loki is a menace about the mask. He doesn’t understand the need for S/O to hide their face. So he makes a game of catching S/O with their face uncovered. It’s extremely distressing when he manages it and S/O lashes out, nearly quitting the mission. It’s not really that they think Loki is in danger of recognizing them without the mask - this version of Loki never met them, after all. The problem is that when Loki doesn’t recognize S/O without the mask, it drives the nail in the coffin of the love they once shared. S/O’s Loki is gone. This Loki might look, smell, talk, walk, act like their Loki but he doesn’t love them. Their life together is done.

So once Loki sees S/O’s face, S/O goes to the TVA and demands to be let go from the mission. S/O refuses to work with Loki anymore. Naturally, the TVA doesn’t allow this. S/O has to carry out the mission. (I’m leaving the mission vague, I don’t think it really matters to this). So S/O goes back to where they left Loki and continues to lash out at him. Loki doesn’t understand what’s going on and thinks that S/O is just fucking batshit. This drives a bigger wedge between them.

Now, S/O and Loki are continuing the mission, but the wedge is making everything go wrong. They aren’t working well together. They keep messing up because they won’t communicate properly. They’re making stupid little mistakes that put everything at risk. Eventually, this culminates in S/O getting hurt. Loki doesn’t particularly like S/O at this point, but they are his partner for this mission so he takes them to a safe place and does his best to heal them.

During the healing process, Loki swallows his pride and apologizes for looking at S/O without the mask. He doesn’t understand what the big deal is, but obviously it was a big deal to them and this fight is putting their lives at risk. It isn’t a good apology. It’s not the worst, but this is a version of Loki that hasn’t had a chance to really heal from everything he went through with Thanos or even finding out that he’s actually a frost giant and his whole life as an Asgardian prince was a lie. So the apology toes the line between sincere and insincere. He says things that are more insult than a request for forgiveness. But it’s an apology, and it is clear enough that he’s trying to mean it even if he’s not doing a great job.

S/O just starts bawling at this point. The tension between them has been eating them up inside and they just can’t hold in their emotions and it comes out in one awful sobbing mess. Loki doesn’t know how to handle this. He just stands there awkwardly and debates the merits of leaving S/O to fend for themself while he finishes the mission now that their life isn’t immediately at risk. But S/O asks him not to go. So he doesn’t. Because there’s still a small, unbroken piece of him that Thanos and the Other couldn’t touch and that piece is the piece of himself that wants to be better. It’s the reason he’s helping the TVA and not taking every chance he can to just escape.

Nothing is really resolved at that point. But the S/O seems to do a complete 180 personality wise, at least as far as Loki is concerned. See, S/O had been doing their best to be the exact opposite of the person Loki fell in love with in their timeline. After Loki saves their life, however, they don’t have the energy to keep it up. The relationship S/O had with their Loki might well and truly be dead, but this is still a Loki. A version of Loki that their Loki once was. And their love for Loki is still there and while time might have let the intensity of that love fade, the TVA hasn’t given S/O any time. So now that S/O doesn’t have the energy to pretend to be someone else, they’re retaking the personality that their version of Loki once fell in love with.

Loki likes this “new” personality much better. So he and S/O get closer until after a while he genuinely considers them a friend. He opens up to S/O a little bit. He lets his guard down and becomes more of the version of Loki we get in Ragnarok. He’s still hurting and masking that hurt with wit and sarcasm. But there’s also an openness and willing to reveal pieces of himself that he never thought he’d want revealed.

S/O and Loki find themselves at a bar on some planet neither of them have ever been to before. They get drunk on alien wine and before S/O realizes what they’re doing, they kiss Loki. Loki, who thinks this is just going to be a drunken friends with benefits situation is like, fuck yeah! I’m getting laid tonight.

They have sex.

S/O wakes up in the morning, has a complete breakdown when they realize what happened and now Loki is thinking “oh fuck, I just ruined the only friendship I have.”

In the midst of their panic attack, S/O pulls out something that has always helped them calm down in the past, but gasp! Loki recognizes it. Turns out that S/O’s comfort object is actually something that their version of Loki gave them. It’s something that Loki managed to save from his rooms in the Asgardian palace before Asgard exploded. He had given it to S/O on their first anniversary as a romantic gesture of using his past as a building block to his future with S/O.

Obviously, the version of Loki that S/O is currently with doesn’t know any of this. This Loki thinks that this particular item should still be in his rooms in Asgard where he left it. Once S/O has calmed down enough to talk, Loki asks about it. How did they get this, why do they have it? Is this some sort of trick? 

S/O, out of energy for lies and wanting nothing more than to come clean about how much Loki actually means to them, tells Loki the truth about their relationship. It’s a long explanation, one that Loki doesn’t immediately believe. But he also can’t deny that what S/O is saying just feels... right. This version of Loki may not be so sure that he loves S/O at this point, but the idea isn’t repulsive. It’s nice, actually. And more than that, when he actually thinks about the time he’s spent with S/O while they’ve been on this mission, he realizes that there have been little pieces of evidence pointing to their past relationship all along.

But he doesn’t know how to handle the truth of everything. It’s just one more life changing truth he’s been given and while this is far more positive than Odin revealing the truth about him being a frost giant, it’s still something he isn’t equipped to properly handle. That night, he leaves. He takes the mode of transportation he and S/O have been using and leaves. Where he goes doesn’t really matter. He goes to try and sort his own thoughts out. To see if he can calm his racing emotions.

Naturally, S/O is heartbroken. They don’t leave the room they’d been staying in for days. They have meals brought to them by the staff of the place they’re staying in and wonder what they’re going to do now. As far as they’re concerned, Loki has rejected them and left them stranded on a foreign world. 

A few days later, Loki returns. S/O is furious. They scream and cry and shove Loki until their throat can’t take it anymore. Loki lets them do this because, well, it was a pretty shitty thing for him to do. And when S/O is done, he apologizes. Sincerely. It’s probably the most sincere thing this Loki has ever done in his life. Then he explains where he’d ultimately gone: to the TVA, to demand they show him any footage they had on his relationship with S/O. It was... a lot. Especially the parts where Loki and S/O discussed Thanos and the abuse Loki suffered at his and his lackey’s hands. But the footage gave him some perspective and he wants to do right by S/O. Obviously he can’t promise to be the same Loki they fell in love with, but he wants to build a new relationship. S/O wants the same. There is no denying it. They tried and it only led to this moment.

So they do try. It’s a long process. Things aren’t the same as they were with the other Loki. There are times S/O just wants to quit and there are times Loki wants to quit. Ultimately, they come together and create something beautiful. Maybe at some point they’ll have to deal with this version of Loki having to go back to the timeline he’s supposed to be in, but for the moment they have each other and they’ll fight anyone who tries to take that away.

So, yeah! That’s my headcanon for what would happen. You asked for small headcanons and I gave you 1600 words so I hope that’s okay lol I honestly didn’t think I’d have much to say, but here we are. And this is the version where I keep things sorta vague to account for all the things we don’t know about the show yet. Kept the gender of the S/O neutral.

[hurlumerlu]

You already know who ;) Cad, Molly and Nott ?

Get ready for a novel !

Caduceus :D

Sexuality Headcanon : That man is G.A.Y. I’m hesitant to put him somewhere on the ace spectrum because I’m not ace myself and I feel like headcanoning sheltered, soft, slightly “weird” characters as ace comes with a lot of bagages (and there’s also fandom’s history of treating gay sex as icky/weird/not pure enough) but I’m drawn to that headcanon nonetheless. Gender Headcanon : He’s not super aware of his own gender, but if you actually ask him he would identify as a man. After a very longue pause. And he would probably thinks it’s kinda rude of you to ask. A ship I have with said character : I low-key ship everyone (but Beau) with him. He just has this very easygoing chemistry with pretty much everyone ? Except with Nott but I can see the two of them in a trouple with Yeza (they’re not sure how they got there ? but it works ?). But like who am I kidding, we all know I’m super into Fjord/Caduceus. The care ! The respect ! The awkwardness ! This is going to devolve into a Fjord/Caduceus manifesto so I’ll stop there. BROTP I have with said character : God squad ! The dynamic between Caduceus, Jester and Yasha is amazing, very tender  and supportive but also extremely fertile ground for wacky shenanigans, they straight up don’t speak the same language, I love them. I’m also very curious to see more interraction between him and Beau, partly because I love the way Taliesin and Marisha play off each other, but also partly because Cad’s very supportive of Beau and she seems a bit... distant ? with him ? idk I may be imagining things. A NOTP I have with said character : not really ? I mean Beau’s a lesbian so that would be a big no, but I’ve never seen people shipping them so it’s very theoretical. A random headcanon : He was the kind of kid who raises all sort of “gross” pets growing up. Spiders, snails, cockroaches... he loved them all, but he only kept his beetles. General Opinion over said character : I loved him from his very first sentence and that love have only grown so far ? I’m always a bit wary around very religious characters but with Cad it’s an interesting kind of nervousness rather than a dealbreaker or even a real downside of him. I like that we have completely different viewpoints ! I love how genuinely nice and supportive he is, I love when he does cryptid-level shit, I love his incredible ability to just go with the flow, I love when he gets snide (”sleep well with your bad decisions”) and I just love how well he fits within the Nein (poor dude had a rough start, they really didn’t appreciate him enough at first). I hope he’s going in a direction where he’ll feel more comfortable being cared for (rather than always being the one taking care of), but if he’s not I won’t be disapointed. I hope we also get more angry Caduceus, because that was sexy badass.

Molly :D

Sexuality Headcanon : Bi ! Gender Headcanon : Well he’s canonically nonbinary but I feel like he’s specifically interested in gender as something to subvert. A ship I have with said character : I was slowly getting into Molly/Fjord (I’m not sure they would have managed to encourage the best in each other but they would have been a very fun and hot couple). But, well, RIP. A BROTP I have with said character : Molly and Yashaaaaaaaa T-T. Also Beau and Molly’s relationship was fucking amazing, I still miss it. A NOTP I have with said character : Not really ? Though again, Beau/Molly would piss me off but I haven’t seen that pairing either. A random headcanon : He hasn’t actually had that much sex or many different partners, people just kinda assumed and since most of them seemed to disaprove, he leaned into it. General Opinion over said character : I love how messy and complex he was ! He could have been your usual cliche of a person who perform for a living (vain ! good liars ! egotistic !) but instead was very close in personnality to a lot of performers I actually met (pretending to be vain for fun and because everyone assumes already, lying=/=acting, very community minded because everyone has to pull their weight if you actually want to succeed). His weird relationship with his body/past was also both relatable and strange enough to be extremely engaging and his flaws made him very entertaining, also I think of the scene after the fight with the Manticore where he chats amiably with a bartender and only after that has a quiet mental breakdown over his drink at least once a week. I want to know more about his backstory soooooooo badly.

Nott :D

Sexuality Headcanon : As much as riot’s Beau/Nott headcanon does things for me, I must face the truth : in canon, Nott is incurably straight. Gender Headcanon : Clearly her womanhood is very important to her, but I don’t think she has the healthiest view of what being a woman entail. I just want her to be happy and not constantly doubting her worth T-T A ship I have with said character : Nott/Caleb, Nott/Yeza, Caleb/Nott/Yeza, Nott/Beau and my little crackship Nott/Yeza/Caduceus (and also Nott/Yasha is good, actually ?) A BROTP I have with said character : Caleb was the founder of the Nott stanning club, which demonstrates his good taste and perceptiveness. I also think the various revelations that came along the story made their relationship much less unbalanced and codependant, and thus stronger. But I’m also very partial to Jester and Nott’s friendship. They’re hilarious and sweet, and putting Laura and Sam next to each other was a stroke of genius. A NOTP I have with said character : uH... Nott/Yeza if it means Nott stops adventuring, I’m just not(t) ready for that. But other than that, I don’t have one A random headcanon : I’ve already written this one but like... if something she’s reading makes her feel too much feels she just. straight up it eat. She’s been like that since childhood. General Opinion over said character : ugh... she’s so good... she’s just a walking whirpool of contradictions, if walking whirlpools of contradictions were extremely smart and scientifically minded and fiercely protective of a chosen few people. I was ambivalent on the whole polymorph thing because i really, really love goblins (and have mixed feelings about my love for goblins, but let’s no go there tonight) but I love that she’s still her weird, abbrasive self. Also her design is fucking great. I really want to see her conflict between her desire to keep adventuring and her belief that she should just want to go back to her old life being explored even more than it already has, but if she does stop adventuring I will be heartbroken, I love her so much. EDIT because I was tired but I can’t believe I didn’t mention her voice, it’s so good ! Probably the first thing I loved about her.

thanks <3 <3 <3