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tarabyte3 · 2 years

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I Want You to Show Me Weak

Fandom: Andor

Pairing: Kino Loy/F!Reader

Chapter 5/27 (4k words)

->start at chapter 1<-

<- Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 ->

Summary: You're pretty sure Kino Loy hates you. He screams at you, grabs you, and shoves you against the wall, and it's becoming a problem because, well...it shouldn't fluster you as much as it does.

Warnings: Explicit rating, Smut, Prison, Prison sex, minor non-graphic injuries, Dom/Sub, sexual tension, dirty talk, praise, hair-pulling, light choking, unprotected sex, oral, angst

A/N: You can all have some light smut. As a treat. Work title is from "Poison" by Vaults. Chapter title is from "Bedroom Hymns" by Florence + The Machine . Previous chapter links up above.

AO3 Link

Chapter 5 - Sweating out confessions, the undone and the divine

"Look at those smug assholes at table 3. They're a rack up and they think they're so great, even though there's still two hours left." Taybus throws a large socket wrench down a little too hard and it clatters on the table. Threl straightens up and glares at him.

"I know you're not trying to break shit when there's only two hours left," he scolds.

"If they gave us better tools then we wouldn't have to worry about breaking anything." Taybus pouts as he checks his work.

"They aren't gonna give us better shit, boy." Jevid grunts as he passes Sorrek the hanging drill. "So stop whining about it."

"I'm bored. This shift is taking forever!" He picks the wrench back up to tighten the part he half-assed the first time.

"Are you? We hadn't noticed!" Alis doesn't look up from locking the joint in place opposite you. "What are you in such a hurry for anyway? Got a hot date? Dinner plans? Wanna see how much your mustache has grown since we been in here?"

You can't help but finally crack a smile and you look up to see Alis grin and wink at you.

"I have to take a shit and I already used my second break. If I go back, Kino will kick my ass."

Your face immediately falls at hearing Kino's name, and you hover closer to the table. Alis sighs. He opens his mouth to say something else, but there's the sound of a fist on the table.

"Taybus," Sorrek's voice is stern and angry, "I know things have been tense around here, but this isn't helping."

"They're up one more," Jevid cuts in.

"If you want first place that god-damned badly, then focus on work. That's what will help. What you are doing right now serves no one. So stop it. Now." You look up just in time to see Sorrek give Taybus a thin lipped, angry stare down. Taybus breaks the eye contact first and looks at his feet, dejected. You can't really blame him. It's Sorrek's full disappointed dad voice. Even you feel a little guilty because it's your fault things are so tense in the first place.

"What's gotten into you anyway?" Threl shakes his head.

"His sparring partner isn't up for his shenanigans and he's worried, but doesn't have the emotional capacity to handle it." Alis slaps the top of the part to let Jevid know he's done, and then looks between you and Taybus daring either of you to tell him he's wrong.

"I'm fine," you grumble.

"I am not worried! What's it to me if she's sulking because she got yelled at?"

"Clear!"

You take a step back and glare at Taybus. "Yep, that's me, the giant baby at the table that has never gotten yelled at before. It hurt my delicate womanly feelings."

"Then what the fuck did he do back there? Spank you?" Taybus rolls his eyes, but you feel a wave of hot anger.

"Shut the fuck up, Taybus! Right now." Your usual light tone is missing and everyone, not just Taybus, seems taken aback.

"Hey, sorry, I didn't mean it! I was just trying to make you laugh." He sounds genuine and you know things must be bad if he's actually apologizing. You suddenly feel like an asshole because of course he doesn't know.

"No, I'm sorry." You sigh and look around the table as the next piece clicks into place. "I know I've been miserable to be around. I'm really trying, here. Just...give me time."

Kino walks by at that exact moment, and glances up from his data pad to look over the table. You're the last thing his focus lands on. When his eyes meet yours, there's a flash of something in them. Sadness? Concern? You can't tell, as usual, and you're tired of trying to figure it out. You quickly look away.

"Good work," Kino pats Threl on the shoulder and moves on to the next table.

"Wow, he didn't even yell at us." Any trace of Taybus's humility from being snapped at by the rest of you is already gone. "Being in second place is kind of awesome."

You just grumble, "Give me a lot of time, apparently." The only one that hears you is Alis.

"Want me to shit on his bed for you?" He whispers.

And you can't help it, you howl with laughter. For the first time in too long. It feels nice.

Your table gets second place by less than a rack. You're all a little disappointed you were so close to first, but it's still second place. The mood has been bleak for a while now so you'll happily take the small win. Maybe tomorrow you can actually get first, now that you have a taste for it. Maybe tomorrow you'll start to feel better.

It's that evening, on the heels of your second place victory, that Kino visits you. You're lying in your cell, facing the wall once again, so you don't know he's there at first. Or how long he stands there just watching you. You hope it isn't long so he didn't see the way you hug yourself as you curl your knees to your chest, or hear your little sniffles and world-weary sighs.

"Are you busy?" His voice comes from the doorway of your cell. Your stomach knots and rolls with dread at the sound. It's the first time he's spoken to you since…since The Hallway. With a deep, calming breath, you school your expression into an impassive stare and get up from your cot to stand in the middle of the small room.

"No. I'm not busy," you deadpan. You briefly meet his eyes, but you keep your focus on his shoulder instead. It feels safer that way. He looks the same as he always does, that halfway point between irritable and indifferent, so you're not expecting an apology. Why bother to give yourself that hope?

You expect him to talk to you from the main floor while leaning against your bench. That's what most people do when they chat during freetime. Instead he takes a step directly into your cell. Right before his foot touches the floor, you call out "wait!" and tense with panic, anticipating a shock that never comes, even as he stands before you.

You slowly unclench as you attempt to convince your body it's safe. Then you turn to him, wide eyed in surprise. "How?"

"Manager privilege." He moves to stand in front of you, and he's too close. Not as close as he gets when he's mad, but close enough that you can see every line on his face and darker hair in his beard. The strong angles of his jaw and speckled blue of his eyes. And god, how did you ever look into those eyes and not immediately feel like you're being plunged into water, swept into a wave, and dashed upon rocks? Because this has to be what drowning feels like.

"Oh." You blink at him, trying not to get distracted admiring his worn face, even though you've already failed at it. "I...didn't know you had that as a perk."

He shrugs and says gruffly, "Never wanted to use it before."

You're disgusted by the small thrill in your chest, both at his words and his presence.

"I'm going to guess you would like to talk, then." You want to sound flippant, but can't keep the ache and curiosity out of your voice. You also wrack your brain trying to think of anything you could have done during your shift that could be construed as worthy of a conversation, and nothing comes to mind. You've been very careful.

"You did well today." He takes a step closer. Now he's so impossibly close. You could lift your hand and touch his chest to feel the steady rhythm of his heart if you wanted to. And with dismay you know that you do want to. "In fact, you've been doing well for a while now."

You blink at him again. "What?"

"I thought you deserved to know that I've noticed." He leans in and lowers his voice to that gravelly half whisper. "And it made me realize that I've been so focused on punishment, I haven't given any consideration to how I might reward you."

You jump back like you've been slapped and your legs bang against the raised platform of your bed. Reward? Is he mocking you? Whatever this is, it's cruel and you've officially had enough. You don't deserve this.

"What is this?" Your voice is stern and outraged, and he looks taken aback by your tone and your reaction. "I know you hate me, but I guess I don't understand what the angle is here. To hurt me? To break me?" At that the creases on his forehead deepen in confusion. "If so, mission accomplished."

"I don't hate you." He frowns.

You give a bitter laugh. "Yes you do. You yell at me all the time." You lift your chin in challenge, daring him to refute it. You want to say more, to throw the rest of it in his face, but you don't trust yourself to not start sobbing or screaming or to push him out of your cell.

"I have to keep order on the floor. If I don't, they fry all of us as punishment. I yell at anyone that's disruptive. You just happen to have been particularly disruptive lately," he says, as if that should be obvious. As if he doesn't understand why he has to say it out loud.

You lean back, trying to create space between you to process that. And he's right. You have seen him yell at other people before. It's different with you, though. You know it is. "But you don't…grab anyone else like you've grabbed me."

His eyes flicker to your lips when you mention grabbing you and you watch a brief glimmer of heat appear on his face. If you hadn't been watching him so closely, you would have missed it.

"I suppose I don't, do I?"

What?

Wait.

What?!

Your heart pounds alarmingly against your ribcage, then, because that small action brings you a moment of absolute clarity:

"They aren't allowed to bother you." Every thing he's said to you. "Says me." Every piece you've been missing. "I know what she needs." Every double meaning of conversations you weren't privy to. "Are you going to behave?" Every damn shred of context. His nose brushing against yours as he holds you against the wall. It all slots into place in your mind, like stepping back from a puzzle to view a full picture. You see. Finally. He doesn't hate you.

Kino Loy wants to fuck you.

You have to sit down.

It's only after you sit that you realize you said that out loud. He's standing in front of you, waiting patiently.

"I didn't say you could sit."

And, oh God. You've just realized what this is. What you've been doing this whole time.

"Fuck," you swear under your breath. You know at that moment you have a choice to make. You can stay sitting and walk away. You can end this and heal and move on with time. You can try to resume what little semblance of a life you had in here. Or you can stand up.

You also know this isn't even a choice for you. There was only ever one outcome when it came to him.

You stand back up so you're face to face with him. He smiles at you, and it is triumphant and ruthless. He's been waiting for this.

Then he lessens the gap between you, but doesn't close it. His mouth hovers near yours, and though it's something he's done before, it is an entirely new and intoxicating sensation now that you realize what it fucking meant. That he enjoys it just as much as you do. That he's into it. A shiver travels down your spine from your neck to your tailbone, and overflows deliciously to your core.

"Stop me if at any point I'm wrong," he growls. "The first time I grabbed you, you liked it." You take a quivering breath, but don't say anything. "When I pushed you against the window you liked it even more." Your tongue darts out to unconsciously lick your lips as you remember just how close he had gotten and how you thought he might kiss you. His own lip curls into a gratified smile at your continued silence. "But when I grabbed your face and humiliated you in private? You liked that best of all."

You swallow hard because despite how much it hurt you emotionally, physically you fucking loved it. "You know I did."

"I wanted to hear you say it." His mouth ghosts against yours, a phantom of a kiss.

"Were you pushing me to see how far you could take it before I would break?"

"Not break," his voice rumbles, "surrender."

You shiver at the word. At the implication of the word. "If I didn't figure it out and continued to sulk, what then? What was next?"

"Do you really want to know, or do you want me to save it?" He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, and you have to fight to remain upright and focused.

"Would it be my reward for behaving?" You're panting now and your entire body feels like an overstimulated, exposed nerve.

He gives you a smug, hungry gaze. "I told you I realized you don't respond to yelling."

You whimper and desperately want to press against him, to bring your bodies flush together, to touch him, but you stay where you are. You behave. "Save it."

"Does that mean you want this?" He lets the very tip of his nose brush your cheek.

"Yes," you gasp.

"Say it."

"I want this, Kino." You quickly bite your lip to stifle a moan. "Fuck, have I wanted this."

"I thought you may have. Now do me a favor and be very quiet for me." He shifts on his feet to further block the view from the other cells.

You give him a dazed look and manage to get out "what?" before his hand is running through your hair and he's massaging your scalp. It feels remarkable because it's touch, but more specifically it's his touch. You lean into his fingers like a lothcat, seeking more, and he rewards you with a slow drag of his nails. Some of the tension you had been holding on to for weeks at this point starts to melt away.

Just when you're ready to smile lazily up at him, his hand tightens around a large fistful of your hair. Then he wrenches your head back, exposing your neck to him. You start to cry out, but the sound dies almost immediately when you remember what he said to you.

"Very good," he purrs in your ear before moving to breathe against your now vulnerable throat. "You don't want to draw attention to this, do you?"

"No," you whimper.

"I don't think your table would appreciate it, would they? What would they think of you if they saw you whining and eager for this?" He lightly drags his scruffy cheek along your sensitive skin.

You feel a surge of arousal in response, which causes you to redden in shame. They can never know about this. About him, yes, but never this. This is yours. He tilts his head until his lips graze your neck as he talks.

"If they knew how wet you are right now, just from my hand in your hair?" He squeezes his fist to emphasize his point and you gasp. "Because you are, aren't you?"

"Yes," you choke out.

"Are you going to touch yourself later and think about me?" You swallow down the groan that nearly escapes your mouth. The tip of his nose traces your jawline and you feel your knees go weak, but he holds you steady. His hand is an anchor while you stand there in your cell, the backs of your knees against your bed.

"I will," you arch against him, breathless. "I do." He pauses, fighting to maintain control of himself after your admission. Feeling bold you add, "Do you want to know what I think about?"

There is a twitch of his lips against your throat, then he slowly resumes the near touch of his exploration. "Tell me," he sounds more unbalanced than before.

"I think about you fucking me in that hallway with your hand still on my jaw and my throat." He grunts and rests his forehead against your cheek for a moment.

"Fuck," he pants. "You don't make this easy for me, do you?"

"No," you whisper back, "I intend to make it very hard."

He wrenches on your hair again and you're expecting it, but the sting still causes a swell of pleasure between your legs.

"I'm going to have to come up with something to keep your mouth occupied, aren't I?" You gasp and lick your lips. "I take it you like that idea."

"Yes," you moan as quietly as you can.

"Are you going to think about it later with your hands down the front of your pants?" He runs his rough, fuzzy cheek against your neck again, but harder this time so that it burns.

"Yes, Kino." You're so lost in sensation that your words are almost inaudible.

"Do you think about anyone else when you touch yourself?"

"No," you hiss, "only you." You vow it with such ferocity that you almost don't recognize your own voice.

He hums in approval and rewards you with firm, open mouthed kisses below your ear. They trail down your neck and his tongue laps hungrily at your skin. Just when you've adjusted to the feeling enough to stop squirming, he nips at your throat and your eyes close in rapture. In that moment, everything you know and everything you are is bliss.

"You did so well," he praises. His fingers immediately relax in your hair, and he's tenderly massaging your scalp and hovering before you once more. Your muscles are weak, there's a dampness between your legs, and you crave more.

You also know he's not going to give it to you. You're going to have to work for every touch. For now, reward is caress. It's a kiss. Soon it will be stroking and touching until he finally fucks you. Punishment is humiliation and none of that. And god, do you want him to reward you.

"Thank you." You turn your head so you can nuzzle your face against his arm.

"You understand now?"

"I do," you sigh.

"And you still want this?"

"I want this," you insist.

"If at any point you don't, you tell me. Because you are not powerless here. I want your surrender and your devotion, but only if you give them to me. Do you understand?"

"I understand, Kino." The word devotion sets your mind and nerves alight, makes you ache and tingle. You look into his eyes so he knows you mean it. They're so wide and blue and beautiful. It's almost as if you can see the sky again. He fills you with such warmth that you want to bask in front of him like he's the sun.

He softens and his other hand delicately cups your jaw, which is so different from the last time his hand was on your jaw. You're nearly overwhelmed by all of the affection he's giving you after feeling nothing but misery for too long. "I'm sorry you didn't before. That was my fault. I really thought you did because the way you came undone in my hands…" he takes a shaky breath, "but I should have made sure. That will never happen again."

Then he kisses you—truly kisses you. Lightly at first, adjusting to the touch of your lips and how you slot together, which sets your mind reeling and draws another whine from your throat. And that would have been enough because Kino is kissing you and you're allowed to finally wrap your arms around him. To touch him. To feel his hands gripping your waist and running a long your hips. It would have been everything, but when you moan against him, he deepens it, tasting you and letting his tongue slide against yours.

It isn't reward or punishment. It's just him, and it's an apology. One you know you deserve. You want to lose yourself in it, to never stop kissing him and letting your hands roam over his back and shoulders, but too soon he pulls away. When he looks at you, his lips are red and kiss swollen against the grey of his beard. You can't help but groan at the sight. To wonder what he looks like further wrecked.

"Do you…?" You trail off, suddenly shy. Which is silly, you think, considering what just transpired between you. But there's still a part of you that hasn't accepted he doesn't hate you. That needs to absorb this.

"Do I what?" There's an amused look on his face.

He doesn't hate you, you tell yourself. He knows. He knows and he wants you.

"Do you touch yourself and think about me?" You whisper.

"Every night." He growls and presses your foreheads together.

"When?" You sigh into the touch. "How long?"

"The first time I grabbed you and just held you there. I had intended to yell at you, but god, you were trembling and writhing, and making this little noise in your throat. Every thought I had then was gone. I just stared at you, thinking about what other sounds I could coax out of you."

"Oh," you gasp because he could have fooled you. Did, in fact. He was so stoic. "I didn't realize what it did to me at the time. Was I that obvious?" You cringe thinking about how it must have looked to everyone else.

"It was to me." His voice is a husky rasp.

"Good." You can feel another surge of arousal between your legs.

"Unfortunately, I should go now. It's getting late and it will be a hot floor soon. Everyone at your table will be returning to their cells any minute." He sounds regretful, at least.

"Okay." You sag a little in disappointment and look down at the floor because you just got this and you don't want to let it go yet.

"Hey." He places a finger under your chin so that you are forced to look him in the eye. "Continue to behave. I'm always watching." He gives you a hungry smile. "And I can come back tomorrow."

You nod, your disappointment fading away at the promise of more. "You know I will."

Before he leaves your cell, he pauses and looks at you over his shoulder. "You really thought I hated you?"

"Yes." You say without hesitation.

"What did you think was happening then?"

"That you knew how I reacted and how I felt, and you were humiliating me out of cruelty. To get me to listen." He flinches and you know it hurts him to hear, but you aren't trying to cause him pain. It's simply a truth that had hurt you to go through. You don't want anything left unsaid.

He looks at you with an expression of profound conviction, one so open and sincere that you could never doubt it for a moment. "Never cruelty."

It's breathtaking, and you wonder why he scowls at all. You give him a nod because now you believe him. Now you know the truth. Satisfied, he exits your cell.

Later that night, you do exactly as promised. You slip your hand into the waistband of your pants when everyone else is asleep, wondering if he's down the hall doing the same. You think about his hand clamped around your jaw and twisted in your hair. Think about him pressing you into the wall, his lips on yours, the feel of his tongue. What would have happened if no one else had been looking? Would he have taken you against the window? Pushed you to your knees? You think about supplicating yourself before him and showing him just how devoted you can be.

NEXT CHAPTER->

#andor fanfic #andor #kino loy #kino loy x reader #kino loy x f!reader #i want you to show me weak fic #fanfiction

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bunnistephie · 2 years

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If My Tears Could Turn Into Stardust

Heizou Shikanoin x Reader One Shot

This was inspired by my favorite song, Izayoi Seeing by Last Note. I adore this song with all my heart.

Trigger Warning: It has mentions of self-harm and suicidal ideation. If you are not okay with this, please do not read.

Please remember that you are loved and cherished. If you need help, please seek it. Your life is very precious. You only have one, so please take care of it.

You sighed lightly as you sat on the park bench, looking up at the cloudy sky. You came in hopes of seeing the stars, but it seemed to be a bad day. "I love the rain... but the burning stars in the night sky surpass every other thing in this world." you speak to yourself softly, waiting for it to rain. You closed your eyes, leaning on the back of the bench, taking in the scent of the rain.

"(y/n)...?" you heard your name being called out, startled out of your thoughts. "hm? Heizou..?" in front of you was a guy who was in your astronomy class. "What are you doing here?" you asked, keeping your eyes on his cheeks, avoiding his. He was really good at reading people. You didn't want anyone to scold you or hate you for what you had just done. You wanted to disappear, to burn alive, to die. No, better yet, you wished the world or the universe would end so you wouldn't have to blame your weakness for dying. "Oh. Im just here taking a walk. I saw someone over here and thought it was the guy that always drinks too much and ends up here." He answered, his eyes wandering your figure, looking for any signs of harm.

He felt it was strange for you to come alone in the middle of the night. Had you gotten into a fight and ran away? Had you been kicked out? He looked at your appearance for clues. "Ah I see..." You went quiet as the rain began to fall. "What are you doing out here?" He walked over to the bench, sitting down beside you. "I came to see the stars but it's cloudy so now my plans are ruined." you rubbed the back of your neck awkwardly. Heizou noticed the reddish dark stains on your gray shirt. When you rubbed your neck, your sleeve pulled up and revealed the wounds that had been made previously, even under the dim park light. "Hey, (y/n)... you know, i've noticed that despite being covered in scars, you never wear long sleeves" He began to speak, but you quickly interrupted him. "You know, its getting late. I should really head home.." You stood up and began walking back to your house. He quickly but carefully grabbed your shirt from behind and pulled you back. "I wasn't finished."

Your eyes widened and then let out a tired sigh. "Listen. I know what you're going to say next. But save it. I can't promise you anything, nor can I hand over my weapon. I genuinely am not in the mood to be scolded or be pitied or get hated." You stated, crossing your arms. The rain began to pour harder, your eyes firmly planted on him. "I actually wasn't going to scold you or make you promise anything. I was just curious as to what makes you do it and why you can't stop yourself? Usually, people who self harm aren't so aggressive with themselves. They still have something that holds them back, whether it be their friends, family, lover or sometimes even fear. Their goal is not to die but rather to feel better." He explained, leaving you shocked.

"Are you sure you want to be burdened with something like that? This is a heavy topic and I honestly do not like discussing it with anyone." Heizou nodded. "I want to understand, that's all." You stood there for a moment before nodding.

You sat down, taking a deep breath. "It started when I was really young. At first, I was careful not to hurt myself so much. I didn't want anyone to find out. I was afraid my family would get angry with me." You looked at your hands. "As my symptoms got worse, and no medication to control my emotions, I started hurting myself uncontrollably. It felt like I blacked out in those moments and when I came back, I had done it and I could not take it back. I continued this way for years, not caring for anything. It came to a point where I could not live without it, and did it many times a single day. I came to consider it my most precious friend and my first love.", Heizou listened as he looked down at your hands, at the wounds. "One day, I started coming back to my senses. One of the days I had hurt myself, I was joking and laughing with my family and my dad asked me if i was feeling okay." You reached your arms out in front of you, re-enacting the scene. "He reached his arms out and they trembled as he cupped my face. As if he was afraid that one day I would break. As if he was afraid to lose me. As if I was made out of fragile crystal and required the utmost care to touch. Then he gave a somewhat bitter smile and said that as long as I was okay, then nothing could ever be wrong." You covered your face, tears overflowing. "The guilt I had that day was so overwhelming. I realized that I was hurting those I love most by hurting myself and had been doing so for years. I was being selfish and cruel. That was the day I told myself that I would stop." You hugged yourself, digging your nails into your skin. "And yet here I am once more, covered in wounds. What would my precious family say if they saw me? What would my beloved friends do if I told them?" You felt the warmth of Heizou's hand on your hand that was digging into your skin. You slowly began to release after realizing that you were hurting yourself again.

Heizou nodded and looked at you. "Thats why you aren't home. Its because youre scared of hurting them, of being scolded, of being berated..." He nodded as he took in the information. You began to laugh bitterly before speaking again, "you know what the stupidest thing is? Even though I know it hurts everyone around me, I dont want to leave it. Im scared to. Its always been there. Whether I'm happy or sad, whether im crying or smiling, whether my heart is racing with fear or about to burst with love... I adore it for making me feel at peace, for giving me a chance at living, for being my first friend and first love. It validates my every emotion, wipes my tears dry, makes me feel loved, doesn't care if i'm good at being human or not, doesn't expect a thing from me and most of all, it makes me happy" You looked up at the sky, wanting the tears to stop falling. "Im selfish, cowardly, stupid and most of all..." You paused for a moment, swallowing thickly before saying in a hoarse voice, " weak..."

There was silence in the air as he continued to process your words. He noticed the rain had finally stopped coming down, the clouds clearing up. "Do you like seeing the stars?" He asked, taking your hand in his. "Hm..?" You looked at his hand grabbing yours and then looked back at the sky. There was a new moon, the stars in full display. "i do. The stars shine so brilliantly and are strong, burning fiercely millions of light years away. Despite burning, a process that is chaotic, their light is so gentle. They do their best to shine here on earth for us humans who are undeserving of such kindness and beauty.." You took your free hand, tracing the stars to form constellations. "If I were anything like a star... if even my tears could turn into star dust, maybe... just maybe... I could grow a bit stronger..." You smiled bitterly, your tears filling up your eyes once more, overflowing with so many emotions at once.

Heizou looked up at the stars. He intertwined his fingers with yours and squeezed your hand, as a way to comfort you. "I've always wondered why you took astronomy if you don't need it to graduate. I felt it was odd, but very admirable. You are the top student in that class, answering questions with a smile on your face, doing extra work even if it's not needed." He smiled softly. "I for one believe that I have no right to say anything about it. It's your life and your choice. Even if I tell you to stop, it's not like it will happen just because I say so. It's up to you whether or not you do." He stopped, before speaking again. "But I do want to say one thing. Being able to smile, being able to laugh, loving those around you so wholeheartedly that you would rather be unhappy than hurt them... being able to go to class, answering questions despite the looks you get, helping others with their work even if you still have to do yours... I don't know how you see yourself as weak. Being able to smile, even when your heart has been torn apart is something that not alot of people can do. Just as the stars burn brightly, you do as well. Let your tears fall, let your worries be heard. Stardust or not, you're just as strong as them." Your eyes went wide, turning to look at him. He had a soft smile on his face as he looked up at the stars. They were reflecting into his green eyes, making them sparkle.

For the milionth time that day, your eyes filled with tears. This time was different though. They weren't bitter tears, but rather ones filled with gratitude and happiness. Happiness of being seen and accepted, gratitude of how gentle his words were. You covered your face and began to sob into them, letting out all of the emotions you had hidden until now. Heizou wrapped his arms around you, giving you a gentle hug, placing your head into his chest allowing you to cry. He caressed it tenderly, almost as if he was comforting a child.

You slowly calmed down, hugging him back, not wanting to let go. "Thank you..." You mumble softly into his shirt. "I'm glad you're feeling better now. Let's go to my house so we can clean your wounds and cover them up so they don't get infected.." He whispered. "Mhm.."

#genshin impact #fanfic #oneshot #heizou x reader #shikanoin heizou #x reader #short story

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cinnamonest · 3 years

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I am loving all these "Bitter Albedo getting revenge and doing as he wants with the reader"— but also, equally as bitter Creator! Reader growing resentful towards Albedo and wanting to do to him what he's done to her, or even _worse_. Anything to take him out of her life, so she half bakes a plan to "finetune" later, first starting off by building up some trust to get on Albedo's good side, she "gives in", plays nice and gets to work on alchemy with him.

She follows this routine, playing the loving glorified "housepet". But all the while, she's been fine-tuning her escape plan. It would either put him in an equal disadvantage to him, or it might kill her. At this point, either outcome would be mercy. She tells him there's still things from the Art of Khemia she hadn't taught him.

Things she'd learned in her travels while experimenting, not long after they'd gone their separate ways.

It starts out with gathering ingredients for tamer recipes, and just like she'd promised

New techniques, new creations and new knowledge was gained.

She makes him believe that she's adapting to his existence, maybe even tolerating him, but he didn't expect for her to only grow more and more bitter as time went on. The only thing growing in her heart was the resentment she harbored for him, any sort of admiration or genuine adoration she held for her creation all but crushed. She wanted nothing of him ever again, he had gone too far, miscalculated even, in his theory that reluctant "love" would follow his treatment.

Over the course of a few weeks, she has him carefully wrapped around his finger, unknown to him that she would show him just how much mercy she showed him when she sent him his own separate way. He was suspicious at first, of course, but in his moment of weakness, in his need for the approval she had been "showering" him in, he pushes the thoughts aside when he sees that her claims seem to be "valid enough".

He follows her instructions, and each time he gains new information on old, or even lost, techniques. Raging from little things she'd kept to herself so that he wouldn't have to interact with him when they worked together, To combinations only a mad woman who's challenged nature would dare think up.

and one day, she's telling him that she thinks he's ready to try the last thing she had managed to research on her own. He mixes the ingredients according to her instructions, everything seems to be going fine until he adds the last thing— and it's immediately reacted in a messy blast.

Albedo finds himself blinded by the fallout, as well as finding a surprising lack of digits on where his hands should be. His ears are ringing, obviously, such a blast would deafen anyone.

It's the creator's way of getting her own vengeance for the position he's put her in, at least this way, maybe, _maybe_, she can have a chance to finally put her failed created behind her. After all, he was always her most _disappointing_ creation.

AHHHHHH anon that took me aback at the last bit I was not expecting that. Poor little thing, how could master be so cruel...?

After the obvious resulting chaos (and agony), he'd be quiet for a long time. He ties you to the bed with what's left of his hands, having to use his mouth to tie the knot, and... leaves. Usually he's good about leaving you food when he goes out for the day, but not this time. He doesn't say a word as he leaves, even if you call out to him.

And he's gone for several days. You're starving, but even when he comes back, he doesn't say a word at first. Doesn't acknowledge your presence, no matter how many times you call out to him. It goes on like that for hours until eventually, without prompting, after you've given up calling for him, he just simply states a few thoughts.

He was... too kind. He understands that now. You didn't deserve it. You didn't appreciate it properly. So now, you will earn your way back to the way things were.

For starters, he takes the legs off at the scar. No real reason other than to hurt you. To see your horror when you fully wake up, pain, having to adjust. He pulls the same shit where he makes you beg for anesthetic and painkiller, but it's infinitely more painful this time. He keeps you just a little bit awake for the whole thing, even if you beg enough to be given some anesthetic during the procedure.

And after that, he stops talking to you. For good.

He himself is learning to adjust, having been given a prosthetics for fingers (literally Fullmetal Alchemist lmao) that he can make do with. You can learn how to adjust, too. Having *no* legs is actually different than just having numb ones, and learning to live without them is harder than you thought it would be -- your center of gravity and sense of balance changes, you have to avoid certain positions or risk a sharp shooting pain, etc. But even when you stumble and fall, and call out for help... nothing happens. You have to fix it on your own, or, if stuck too far to move, wait until he comes by up to hours later and silently sets you upright. If you call out in what sounds like high distress, he might come running over to make sure you're not in immediate danger, but after looking you up and down and ascertaining you're just uncomfortable and/or stuck, he slowly turns back, deciding he'll help you when he feels like it later.

You don't eat together anymore. He feeds you in a bowl on the ground. The first time, you turn your nose up and fold your arms in disgust... even though you haven't eaten the entire time he was gone. You're just that stubborn. No matter. Eventually, you cave, maybe the second day, maybe the third or fourth. He doesn't say anything the whole time, just takes the food when you make it clear you won't eat it, and puts it out each night, until you give in.

You sleep on the floor. Chained by the neck to the bedpost. You understand the message without needing to be asked out loud. You hated him so much, didn't you? You'd much rather be on the cold, hard floor than in bed, since he's in it, wouldn't you? Since you hate him so much?

And still, he doesn't talk. Somehow, that hurts the most. He was never very talkative, but he'd comment every now and then, ask you for your thoughts on something, but he now acts like you're not even there. No matter how many times you call out to him, he acts like he doesn't hear it.

It goes on like that for a month or so until you finally break down. Latch onto his leg and sob and plead. You feel like you're going insane, you say. You just want him to acknowledge you exist again.

...But why should he, he asks? It's the first thing he's said to you since the leg removal. He won't turn his head or eyes to look at you. What does he get from talking to you? You were so mean. For the few months leading up to the incident, you were so, so, so mean. He tried to be nice and get you adjusted, and you fought him every step (well... not that you were taking many literal steps) of the way. Remember? You were mean from the moment you woke up then. And then, when you were finally nice -- when he trusted you -- you went and did what you did. What reason does he have to acknowledge you? You'll either be mean to him or plot against him again. And that's all he's willing to say.

A few more weeks. A few more breakdowns. You know the intention -- he wants to truly, completely break you in a way that he never could when he was showing you any kindness. And, you hate it, but it's working. You find yourself begging. Sobbing. Rocking back and forth and clinging to his legs. Utterly pathetic, pitiful, humiliating displays of neediness and weakness. It breaks you down until he finally deems you complete, and one day finally makes eye contact with you for the first time in months.

There's not much left of "you" per se, though. The nasty attitude you had back before is almost completely gone. You're finally happy when he talks to you -- something that, after so many months of going insane from silence, you consider a privilege. After so many breakdowns and humiliation, you don't have much pride left to get in the way of begging, no shame about anything you do. It's perfect.

Not that it doesn't come back, sometimes. Sometimes, when you're having good days, you get a bit too comfortable, you forget what a privilege it is to be like this together, and you almost get mean again. But it's fairly easy to shut down with a very specific look that shuts you up immediately.

Oh, and he finds a way to fix himself, in the end. Being an artificial creation, he has a different compositional makeup than a person, so there are... ways to adjust and repair the body he has. In fact, he might even find one that would work on even an organic human, a miracle regenerative formula.

Not that he'd give it to you. But he makes sure to tell you all about it, showing off just how perfectly it regenerated his hands... just to see the look on your face.

#tw: violence #lena's asks #q #.al #.creator

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inhyvck · 3 years

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𒀭 Happy birthday | Lee Heeseung

pairing; lee heeseung x gn!reader

genre(s); angst, squid game au

warning(s); implied death (?), mentions of a gun.

word count; 0.7k

a/n; happy heeseung day ig LNAKALFNKF im so sorry kandkoajdjdk this js my first time writing a birthday fic I AM SO (not) SORRY anyways yeah, happy birthday my beloved hee and uhh...🏃🏽‍♀️🏃🏽‍♀️ Oh yeah (spoiler: jiyeon's death still hurts me so much and rhis is mostly insoired bye thay scene so if tou haven't watche dsquid game ig i don't advise reading rhis if you are planning on wathcing kt)

With 3 minutes remaining on the timer, the two of you still sat on the stairs of the fake neighborhood set. The orange tin light illuminates the area like a real sunset in a neighborhood, where kids would usually play outside their houses after school or during summer when everyone is free to play.

You scowled at the men in the red suits, thinking of a loophole where the two of you could win. But as time ticks by, you have no luck. And heeseung's smart thinking couldn't even get past this one.

"You know let's just play a game, fairly," you say.

You already gave up, knowing that either one of you will get out of there alive or neither of you will once the time runs out.

"How about just, throwing a marble and whoever gets it closest to the gate wins," you proposed. Jumping off the steep steps, dusting the imaginary dust off your pants.

He locked eyes with you, observing those dark eyes, holding little to no emotions, hidden under an amused smile, like you aren't stuck in a game where your life literally depends on it.

"Fair match? Don't try anything funny," he says. You gave him a genuine look before nodding, but you couldn't keep your promise.

"You go first."

He gets into a position behind the line you created in the sand, throwing a single marble from the tiny bag in his hands. The marble lands just a few inches away from the door, making it impossible for you to not hit the door just to get closer to it.

But you weren't planning on it.

As you stood behind the line, a smirk played across your lips. You dropped the marble just by your feet, not even trying your best.

Heeseung stood there in disbelief.

"Y/n. . ."

The smirk on your lips stayed, making Heeseung furious. How could you do this to him? You agreed on fair play, and you just let him have this win. Without even trying.

"I told you I'd make sure you win," you shrugged. Recalling back to the time in the waiting area as the two of you paired up.

Heeseung locked his jaw, gripping the bag of marbles in his hands.

"And what makes you think that I needed your help? At least make it seem like you put in effort, do you think I'm weak?" He walked towards you into a wall, looking down on your figure.

You knew that wasn't what he was actually thinking. He is too easy to read, you've known for years, it's impossible to not see those signs.

"Not at all hee."

"Then why?"

"Because, you have something to come home to, better yet— you have someone, and me? I have nothing, no one is waiting for me at home, nothing is exciting for me anymore," he held his head down low. You've always been there for heeseung, you watched him grow and you helped him grow

But this time, you had to let him go. He's grown up, and you are glad you got to see him again.

"Why didn't you tell me?" He mutters. Earlier when you were trying to kill time, you talked about your life and how it was going, wondering why you decided to join the game. And heeseung heard things that he didn't even know you were going through.

"Because I'm the one who's taking care of you, not the other way around." You've always been selfless and many people have told you that it'll be the death of you, and today that's proving that theory.

"Look, I've got nothing to lose, but you sir, you have someone important to take care of at home, and they are waiting for you." You rest your hand on his shoulder, before he pulls you tight into a hug.

Then one of the suited up staff stripped him away from you, escorting him back to the main hall.

"Heeseung!" You called out. He didn't bother turning back, not wanting to get a glimpse of what's about to happen.

"Of course I couldn't forget—" a grin widely spreads across your face as tears fall from your cheeks.

And before the gunshot you managed to say.

"Happy birthday."

#heeseung #lee heeseung #enhypen #enha #enhypen heeseung #heeseung imagines #heeseung scenarios #enhypen scenarios #enhypen imagines #lee heeseung x reader #enhypen x reader #heeseung x reader #lee heeseung imagines #lee heeseung scenarios

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writingbywatson · 3 years

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Genshin Boys With A Dense Crush (Part 2)

Here is part 2~ so, the reason why I didn't include Bennett and Razor is the fact that I can never write for them, like IDK why but its just very hard for me. So yeah, sorry about that. Part 1 (Albedo, Childe and Diluc)

Chongyun

Dense + Dense = more dense

It was painfully obvious that Chongyun likes you but for some reason, he can’t quite figure that out for himself

But everyone around them knows

Xingqiu is actually on the road to writing a book about the two of you

Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei are betting on how long until Chongyun realizes his feelings

Chongyun doesn’t know why he likes to see you every day, wants to have meals with you, and why he gets uncomfortable when he sees you with another person and smiling at them

Maybe it was the work of g-

“Oh I like them” -Chongyun one day when he woke up

He consulted his best friend Xingqiu about this and Xingqiu just placed his books down and said “dear archons finally, it was getting very painful to watch”

So the two started planning a cute little confession scenario

Somewhere Xinyan and Yan Fei are crying because they lost the best but Yan Fei is arguing that betting was illegal and has no ground in the law… Yan Fei, you betted with your conscience please stop

Anyway!

The pair of best friends decided to go with a simple type of confession because less is more in Xingqiu’s books

It was going so well, a cute dinner and all of that

“I like you Y/N, can we be more than that?”

Oh is that Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, and Yan Fei spying on both of you from the bushes? Why, yes indeed.

“You want to be best friends Chongyun? But don’t you have Xingqiu as your best friend already?” - you with your ever so innocent voice and expression

Chongyun is frozen in place

Xingqiu, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao and Yan Fei are betting again this time how many times will Chongyun get a friendzone

Kaeya

Someone revive him

He can’t take your dense nature anymore

This is Kaeya after all everything he does allude to something so WHY WON'T YOU GET IT STILL

“Oh, Kaeya? You like someone!? Can you introduce me to them?” - you asking excitedly upon hearing his and Rosaria’s conversation

Kaeya was pretty sure he was describing you

Rosaria is holding back her laugh, she can't breathe… SOMEONE SAVE HER

“I love them but this dense attitude is too much!” - Kaeya as he slams his fist on top of Diluc’s bar

“Have you tried wooing them?” - Diluc as his wiping a glass down, he's so nonchalant about this situation LMAO

“HAVE I TRIED?” - Kaeya sounding very offended

“How about getting a white bed sheet and painting “will you marry me Y/N” on it?” - Rosaria

“Yeah, they leave me no ch-”

“Sit down, don’t embarrass yourself like a child” - Diluc pushing his brother down to sit

“HOW WILL I GET MY FEELINGS ACROSS THOUGH!”

“Just confess, normally… like… a normal person” - Diluc

Kaeya decided that in two days time he was going to confess to you, two days because he needed to make sure it was perfect

But the moment he saw you laughing with some random guy all the planning was thrown out the window

“Meet me in front of the church when the sun rises” - Kaeya to you when he passes by you at the corridor of the headquarters

When you arrived, he made you stand at the flight of stairs in front of the church while he went down

He kneeled with his right knee touching the ground and he pulled a very neatly folded white sheet from his pocket

He unraveled it and wrote, “WILL YOU MARRY ME Y/N?”

But even before you can react a thunderous shouting can be heard and a chuckle

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!? I SAID CONFESS NORMALLY!” -Diluc

Thoma

I’m going to try but still little info on this new pyro husband

Thoma is a very understanding boy

He likes you so much that he's willing to wait

But damn has he been waiting long

He decided he was going to confess to you today as well!

“Y/N! I like you!” - Thoma

“I like you too! You are like my best friend!” - you

Every time this happens Thoma stress eats.

Ayaka is giggling because he has never seen her friend like this

He's trying his best for you to like him, he cooks for you, takes care of you, guards you, protects you…

WHAT IS HE DOING WRONG!?

“You know the festival is ongoing” -Ayato as he watches his sister’s friend mop around like a puppy who has been kicked. “Why don’t you try confessing properly and straight-forwardly there?”

That gave him an idea

He dragged to the talisman-wishing thing and told you that you two should make one

When the both of you were done, you should each other what you made and to your surprise, Thoma made a drawing of the both of you holding hands

“It’s not us being best friends forever” - he clarified

“It’s me hoping to spend many more years beside you as your lover.”

Venti

Barbatos aka Venti the Bard has been singing a lot of love songs lately

Especially when you were in the audience watching

He always likes your smile especially when you were watching him

So when the two of you were strolling around near the church of Monstad

He decided that he was going to confess today

Years of being alone and he finally get what Vanessa told him about meeting the right person

“Y/N, I love you-”

“Aww, Venti, I love you too!”

“Really?!” - Venti very excitedly

“Yeah! I love you as a friend! We’re like besties!”

Dvalin felt that

Andrius felt that

Hell even Vanessa felt that from Celestia

“Oh I got to go, bestie, I have something to do! See you tomorrow!”

Lately, the winds of Monstad have been depressing?

“I don’t understand! I thought they liked me back!” Venti his chugging his alcohol while Diluc looked at him in irritation

Diluc wants to kick him out but Venti is Monstad’s archon so he decided against it

“Venti! There you are!” - you

Venti hears your voice and because his drunk his happy instead of upset

He throws himself at you in an attempt of a sloppy hug

“Y/N! I love you~”

“I love you too, we are fr-”

“NO! I LOVE YOU LIKE A SIGNIFICANT OTHER I LOVE YOU! THAT TYPE OF LOVE THAT IF YOU ASK ME TO FIGHT MORAX I WOULD!”

Xiao

When Xiao first had these feelings he was confused

He lived a long life and this was the first time in his life where when he sees someone his chest becomes constricted and warm

“Xiao! Do you like traveler!?” - you excitedly

Xiao felt a tightening in his chest not that good type but am i being stab right now type of tightening

His answer would usually be along the lines of no and he can’t have relationships with mortals

He usually has a lot more patience with you compared to others but hearing you say that he looks good with someone else just made something in him snap

He didn’t mean to shout at you nor did he mean it when he said you should leave him alone

That’s why he's waiting for you at Wangshun Inn, his loneliness grew into worry when after 2 days you weren’t back yet

Upon eavesdropping around he also found out that no one has seen you and your last known location was Mt. Hulao and he immediately began to worry because that place was prohibited to humans

“Are you looking for someone?” - Mountain Sharper appeared behind Xiao as he reached the top of Mt. Hulao. “Are you looking for a mortal perhaps?”

“How did-”

“-That mortal is pretty noisy, they don’t stop talking and they know you.”

Oh, the warm feeling in his chest is back because they were talking about him which means that they weren’t angry at him!

“Where are they!?” Xiao would realize and I swear to you his ready to break every amber rock around Mt.Hulao

“Calm down, they are currently collecting Qingxin flowers”

Right on cue, “XIAO!? IS THAT YOU!?” he heard your voice from behind him, when he saw you, he immediately rushes to you and hugs you

“What are you doing here!?” Xiao would ask, his voice was raised only because of relief

“Oh, I got lost! And Moon Sharper here saw me, we ended up chatting and I guess I forgot the time, he shared so many stories about y- WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE THAT ARE YOU HURT!?”

“I’m alright… I just… I m-miss…”

Moon Sharper is just looking at this scene and he knows he's about to spill the hottest tea next time the adeptus (idk plural form okay) have a dinner party

Xingqiu

At first glance, it might look like that he isn’t affected at all

But internal his boiling

WHY WERE YOU SO DENSE

IF IT WEREN’T FOR HIS CLAN'S TEACHING AND WHAT NOT HIS PROBABLY ABOUT TO ASK YOU FOR A FIGHT

“You’ll make a great husband someday Xingqiu, I know it! Your future wife would be so happy!”

“I want you to be my wife though”

“What was that?”

“NOTHING!”

He knows he needs to move so he can win your heart but how can he when you were dodging every advance he makes

What is more frustrating is that YOU ARE NOT EVEN DOING IT ON PURPOSE

As an author he wants to experience romance first hand, so he tries to be romantic about it but this was frustrating

He decided to pull his last technique from his sleeves

He lent you a very romantic book and between one of the pages he inserted a paper that read “I wish for you to be my muse.”

If that doesn’t work Xingqiu is going to ask you to fight him

Zhongli

Zhongli, Rex Lapis aka Morax has lived thousands of years

Yet this is the first time he encountered someone so dense at first he taught you were just kidding and pretending but when he described what he likes in someone which was pertaining to you

You simply said “WOW THEY SOUND WONDERFUL AND YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THEM BECAUSE YOU SOUND SO IN LOVE” at his face with genuine awe, there was no sign of you being flustered and whatnot

Hu Tao was there to witness this and the younger female had a good laugh when she witnessed this

Zhongli is now praying to Guizhong for help and patience

He first wondered if the reason for such behavior was because you dislike him but it wasn’t the case because you would always smile when you see him

Which makes his knees very weak

In heaven, all the dead gods are laughing at him

He has lived for so many years and yet he doesn’t know what to do because he wants to spend years with you

But a part of him says this isn’t right because his an immortal and you were a mortal, someday him being a former god would drive an enigma in the future

That’s why he was also hesitating on his part

“Zhongli, look-look! A merchant from Monstad gave me a Cecilia!” - you snapping him from his thought, he's a tall man so you had to tip-toe to put the flower in his hair

“There you look even prettier now!” - you smiling up to him

As you were withdrawing your hand, Zhongli grabs it and places it in front of his lips

“I love you Y/N”

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tannieschim · 3 years

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when the camellia blooms | pjm

park jimin x kim! reader | 1 | 2

sypnosis: diagnosed with the hanahaki disease, you had only two options - accept a deathly fate, or never love again.

genre: au, angst, fluff, humor, friends to lovers? maybe.

warnings: many talks of death and dying, minor character death, pain, unrequited love, swearing, talks of past sexual experience while intoxicated, pining, longing, really sad reader, and lots of angst.

word count: 7.2 k

"you would die for her, for him."

"You're dying."

The two words escape past his lips steadily and breathily as your widening eyes linger on the way his hands fiddle with one another out of habit. He sighs deeply and resists the urge to avoid screaming at you and maintain eye contact out of professionalism, pushing back his slipping glasses.

"At this rate, you won't have any more than a month. Had you told me this sooner, y/n, the results wouldn't have been as scarce. But because you waited after almost a year of this, I'm afraid there's not much to do." He pushes his desk lightly to pull away from it, creating a mere distance between himself and the papers which finalized your future's passing. Reaching his collar, he tugs on his tie to loosen it before unbuttoning the first stitch as he looks at you with seemingly stray and angered eyes mixed with sympathy.

Suddenly, his sight wanders the room as he shakes his head repeatedly, scoffing in disbelief. He then smiles, dimples prominent, lip tightened, eyebrows furrowed, and eyes broken, piercing straight at its target - that being you.

Standing up, he takes off his glasses and slams his fist onto the chair's arm rest before running a hand across his hair, softly hissing.

The professionalism is now out of the drain, "You're an idiot, y/n."

"Fucking stupid. How could you not- I mean- how could you not tell me? I'm your brother! We're family. Blood. We're supposed to- we're supposed to tell each other these things and you just fucking- you kept it to yourself all these months! Ten months! And now I'm sitting here being the one to tell you that you're dying? That you're leaving me? I would've done something. I would've helped you, I- I would've killed whoever this person you're in love with is. y/n, please- I just-"

You don't know why, but you felt exhausted.

The ringing in your ears is deafening. Truthfully, you hadn't heard a single thing the minute you received news that you'll be, well, passing away. Not to mention, within 30 days time.

It's not as if you didn't already know about your condition, of course you did. Coughing soft pink camellia flowers every time you see the man that's brought you here is not exactly something that just simply passes a blind eye. You sense it, you feel it, and it hurts.

It really, really hurts.

You also felt awful for your brother. You hadn't meant for it to go this far. You didn't mean to not tell him. You didn't want your assigned doctor to suddenly call in sick and have your brother temporarily take his place. You didn't mean for him to find out this way - such a twisted, horrible fucking way, but here you are.

"I'm sorry, Joon. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to go this far. I just-"

"Were you ever even going to tell me?" He cuts you off, voice low and steady, almost afraid of your coming response.

Your eyes locate his across the cramped room, and one could clearly tell that it's striving its hardest to fight against desperate tears.

"I- yes, Joon. I was. Of course I was. I was gonna do it after this check in actually, but I guess God wanted you to find out sooner than I intended, though He could've just waited a little while longer and it would've been fine." You joke whisperingly, the heavy weight of your heart lightening just a small bit when you notice the corners of his lips twitch and his eyes faintly soften.

Regrettably, that was a lie. You didn’t plan on telling him, not today at least. Maybe not even ever.

The softening air lasts for only a second as his following question makes you hold back the urge to cough up another camellia flower slowly blooming its way to your throat.

"Who is it?"

Genuine, concerned, curious. These were all that he was.

But noticing the way your body went entirely rigid at his words and the way your hand clutched your clothed chest in attempt to shut down what you know will happen next, Namjoon's brotherly instincts causes him to naturally make his way towards you softly, taking small and careful strides towards your fragile state.

And once he's finally reached you, he gets on his knees gently in order for him to be of nearing same height level as you're sitting down, his hands rubbing the back of your hand in a comforting manner.

He does this all before pulling the trigger.

"Who are you in love with, y/n?"

two years back

"Jimin!"

You call out your brother's best friend loudly, who is currently in the midst of doing a one-man stage play in front of the mirror, "Joon's saying you guys need to get going now. Says he has a patient in two hours and wants to go over all sorts of documents before treating her."

Turning around, you scan the living room and dining room for the keys of your friend's car as your brother also asked you to hand them to him since the two always end up on forgetting it until they've already reached the car parked across your apartment's block.

You hear Jimin shuffle behind you, "Really? He wants to go over documents at- 9 AM in the morning?"

Smiling at his attempts of complaint, you nod your head softly in order to play along and answer his rhetorical question, "He really needs to learn how to drive doesn't he? Since he's dragging you along everywhere he goes."

Jimin laughs at your statement, which being an opinion, your brother would argue, 'driving isn't a necessary aspect of life.' But who really thinks like that? Oh right, non-drivers.

“I guess he’s getting too caught up in learning medicine that he forgot to learn how to officially become an adult.” Reaching above the kitchen top, you finally found sight of Jimin's car keys.

How did it even get up there? You think to yourself. It's really high up, so Namjoon must've been the one to leave it as to where it is.

You groan slightly, "Joon, can you get over here! I found Chim's keys but it's too far up high so I can't reach it. Hell I don't even think he can reach this-"

You are cut off when you feel a hand sneak around your waist, making you flinch and suddenly spin cautiously.

Eyes widened. Lips parted. Breath hitched. You let out an inaudible gasp as you come to the realization that Jimin is now in front of you, head tilted with an amused smile on his face, "Excuse you? I can very much reach this." He says, all the while reaching up behind you, inchly leaning forward. At this point, your body is being pressed up against the kitchen counter and his oh-so-very toned front.

This small action is enough to instigate a flaming abyss inside of you as you very much attempt to calm your alarmed heart.

You can feel the cuts and lines of his abs against your chest as he is now standing on his tippy toes, desperately trying to reach the keys on the kitchen top. Anyone that could see his posture would call him adorable, but your body is currently being sandwiched and by all that is high and mighty your mind can't even really process a single thing. Wait, what were you thinking just now?

"See? Got it." Jimin falls back in place as he jiggles his car keys in front of your stone-cold face, smile wide as he giggles softly, "Piece of cake, y/n."

He then proceeds to move on with his life like he didn't just do what the fuck he just did.

Clearing your throat, you blink about a million times in order to gather your thoughts. Your heartbeat is racing faster than the speed of light and your lips have become as dry as a desert. If you had gone standing on your tippy toes just as he did, you would've been a baby hair away from lips touching. The thought is enough to make you grow weak.

Yet as if something inside of you is suddenly turned on, no pun intended, you remind yourself that these thoughts are wrong. You can't be having these apprehensions, they aren't right. Because not only is he your brother's best friend, he also has a-

"y/n?" Jimin's soft voice calls out your name.

Breaking out of your trance, you turn to see him sitting down on the dining table, head tilted downwards with a small smile on his face. The sun escapes your pastel curtains as it slips past the window sill, reasoning with the current ray of golden yellow that has found its home on Jimin’s plump cheek, shining on the left side of his luminous face.

It's absolutely senseless how he can look as beautiful as he does simply by existing, and it makes perfect sense that your finding yourself to liking him more and more.

Just look at him.

You are broken out of your enchanted daze once more as dreaded words leave his smiling lips, "I'm gonna ask her to marry me."

Only then were you brought back to your inadequate reality.

“W- what?” You attempt to speak, but you notice the way your voice has suddenly become noticeably hoarse.

Jimin looks up at you with a smile, the kind that has his eyes almost disappearing.

“Sung. I’m gonna ask her to marry me tonight.”

silence.

and more silence.

Like a coward, that was all what you could muster to respond with.

And only then did you notice the velvet box on his hands, upon which he is tenderly caressing. Only then did you recognize the questionable romantic script of his one-man stage just moments earlier. Only then did you realize that the reason behind his growing smile are because of her, not you. Not because of what had just taken place.

Only then did you remember that no, you can't be having these apprehensions - they aren't right.

Because not only is he your brother's best friend,

he also has a, now upcoming, fiancé.

present time

"I already loved him then, Joon."

By this time, your brother has stood up and begun pacing back and forth the modest office, murmurs of curses towards his friend escaping past his lips, "-that small son of a bitch."

Smiling softly, you look down in reminiscence of the moments you have spent falling for Jimin. "I guess I've always been infatuated with him ever since our first meeting, but my God Joonie," you pause, inhaling a short breath in attempt to stop tears threatening to spill. "-ever since that day, when he told me that he was going to propose to her, I finally realized that like was the wrong term to use. I realized that I loved him and I just- I lost sight of everything." You cry, small sobs coming from you as you blinkingly look up to try to contain the waters forming in your eyes.

It was true. That day, when he told you about his plans to ask her to marry him, you've never felt more indignant.

Of course you faked it at first, congratulated him and consoled him into truthfully believing that she will undoubtedly say yes. But the minute he and Namjoon left your apartment, you collapsed on your carpeted floors, sobbing loudly and hitting your chest repetitively all the while cursing yourself in your head for ever even considering the tiniest of possibilities that you and Jimin could ever happen.

You also went out that night, got drunk, found a guy, slept with him, and never looked back.

Sure, this may seem like a regular night out for many, but not being the type to kiss and sleep, sex meant a lot to you.

Nothing wrong with one night stands, that just wasn't your particular chosen lifestyle. But you were wasted. You were intoxicated. You didn't know what you were doing. Had you been sober, you wouldn't have done what you did, especially with the person you did it with. So when you woke up in the middle of the night naked in bed next to a familiar face and realized what you've done, you rushingly stood up, got dressed, and left, ignoring the calls of the man you had just been with.

You went straight home and washed yourself for hours, feeling dirty and sloppy and disgusting. You can easily recollect sitting down in the showers, head tucked underneath and in between your legs, sobbing and crying loudly as the steam surrounding you from the warm water kept on worsening.

You hated what you did, and you most definitely despised the reason for what you did, - to simply get over someone else. You felt guilty. You felt ashamed. What would Jimin think? You thought to yourself. And though that truly didn't really matter, the ache in your heart kept on making you believe otherwise.

You didn't notice how your tears have fallen and stained your newly-bought jeans until Namjoon's hands holding a napkin comes within your perception.

Mumbling a small 'sorry Joonie,' you accept his offer and wipe the tears still continuously streaming down your now reddened, warm, and puffy face. As you do this, you furthermore catch sight of your brother's shadow rubbing his face in frustration, matching the groans that you also hear release from him in the background. And without meaning so, you deflate in insecurity.

Hearing the sound of air being released from a pulling force, you look up to see that Namjoon has sat back down, his elbows resting on the desk while his chin rest on his hands. "Does he know about this, y/n?"

You sigh, "No."

"Are you going to tell him?" You hear him ask once more.

Closing your eyes and sniffing lightly, you inhale a steady breath as you answer him for the second time, "I don't know, Joon."

Namjoon looks at you, eyes full of worry and concern. You don't know?

You're his sister, and he loves you. He would do anything for you. If he could shower you with all the love that you lack from Jimin, he would. And he would do it in a heartbeat. But you're dying. You're leaving him. And he doesn't know what to think. He doesn't know what to do. So how could you not know? How could you sit here, in front of him, after keeping this shit for ten months to yourself, tell him that you just don't know?

He feels frustrated. Frustrated over the clearing fact that if you don't know the answer to that simple yes or no question, then how more could you know the answer to when he asks you to make the choice?

The choice - to love or to die.

A very careful, unprecedented surgery that has been performed by professionals only a few times, yet each one has been successful. This seems easy, yeah. A surgery to save your life? Of course you'll do it! But there's a reason as to why this has been done only by a certain small count.

To perform the surgery and live, the price is not the expense, but rather the loneliness that shall come as you spend the rest of your life void of emotions. The surgery doesn't get rid of love on its own, it gets rid of everything that comes with it - happiness, sadness, trust, pain, pretty much everything that one can possibly feel. The only emotion left is indifference, yet even indifference lacks its self-sustainability.

Who would want to live like that?

Who would want to live a life where you just simply exist and nothing more?

He knows that the day will come eventually - when he offers you the choice, the chance to save your life, and he knows it will come soon. But right now, he has chosen to prioritize being a brother over a doctor. Right now, the only thing in his mind is comforting you.

"Okay." Your brother nods, making your eyes widen slightly in shock.

Okay? No scolding? No 'how could you not know?!' older brother reprimands? But then you remember, oh yeah. You're dying. And who could possibly scold their dying little sister?

"I'm sorry Joonie-" You try to apologize once more before he cuts you off again.

"No, don't apologize, y/n. It's not like you could've possibly wanted for any of this to happen, yeah?" He offers you a smile, but you could easily see past its fabricated purpose, "But instead let me ask you this. And I need you, in our deceased parent's name, to be completely honest with me."

You only nod, completely submissive and understanding of his seriousness the moment that he mentioned your passed parents.

"What you just told me, when you first fell in love with him, that was two years ago." He starts, making you nod again in agreement.

"But you were diagnosed only ten months ago."

Your heart drops, and you don't nod again.

"The Hanahaki Disease is not something that gradually begins and comes to existence over the course of time. It is an illness that is triggered. It could be by a sudden forthcoming realization or proclamation of love, or by an event that triggers the heart to completely shut down in overwhelmth. Either way, basing on the timing of what you've said, you should've been diagnosed with the Hanahaki two years ago. But you weren't."

Namjoon eyes you questioningly, but not too much to the extent that you feel uncomfortable, only just enough to remind you of the importance of this conversation, "You were only diagnosed ten months ago, y/n. Why?"

You sit still, not wanting to move, as if your stone figure would somehow make him think that you're not real or that you're a simple figment of his messed up imagination.

"y/n, what happened ten months ago?"

He finishes his question and you swallow harshly only to realize that you're parched, your throat completely dry. You then tilt your head to steal a gaze at your brother, making you catch the way his eyes suddenly widened as if he just realized something of high importance. As if he had just realized the answer to his own question. And that didn't work with you.

Clearing your throat, you are about to answer him in order to cut off his thoughts until the door swings open and you feel your throat compact, - the coughs of a camellia flower slipping its way to visibility -because there he is,

the man of the hour.

"y/n." He noticeably breathes a sigh of relief before making his way to you, engulfing you in a giant embrace. "I was so worried about you. Why didn't you tell me you had the Hanahaki? How could you not let me know? How long have you had it? Who is it? I swear I'm going to murder whoever this piece of shit is that he dared ever making yo-"

"Jimin this is a professional space between a doctor and his patient." The two of you pull away almost exactly the same time as soon as Namjoon speaks up, Jimin's eyebrows furrowing, "Get out."

"What?" Jimin barely gather the voice to ask him as he is completely caught off guard of his friend's erupting vulgar attitude.

"I said-" Namjoon speaks before getting caught off again.

"No trust me, I heard what you said. But what?" Jimin repeats himself, "So you're telling me you're not prioritizing being y/n's brother right now? You're still caught up in this Doctor Kim bullshit? Like you're a real one?"

"Jimin-" You attempt to budge in, sensing that a certain trouble may suddenly come knocking.

"No, y/n. Listen hyung-"

"No, YOU listen. You small piece of shit." Your brother raises his voice, "-don't come barging in here like you own the place or like you have any authority over her. She is MY sister and this is a family matter. So it's best you stay out of it and keep in your lane."

At this point, Namjoon is in front of Jimin, a short distance separating the two of them, "And don't you ever dare speak to me in that tone again. I know you're my friend, but remember to treat me with respect. Not only am I your superior, but I'm also your hyung." He finishes with a serious voice, tone low, and message deep. His earnest eyes piercing through his friend's pained ones.

Jimin, mouth slightly agape being at loss for words and clearly confused at his close friend's unreasonable anger, storms out of the room.

But not before he drags you along with him.

Namjoon is quick to act as he tries to reach for you, but you turn back and look at him pleadingly, signaling him that it's okay and to not worry. And him being the understanding brother that he is, pulls back and holds himself steady.

You can handle him. You’re a Kim. You’re strong.

Strong enough to survive through this.

You’ll be okay.

And as he watches the two of you leave, the door closing shut right in front of him, only then does reality hit Namjoon as his legs tremble abruptly, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden.

Falling down the floor, he reaches onto the desk for assistance as he slides his back down the wooden wall, hands painfully fisted and finding its way to cover his mouth in order to muffle the choked-in sobs perilously escaping him. He proceeds to blink away the tears and bite harshly on his lips, trying to diminish the flourishing grievance in his heart.

His sister is dying, and he doesn't know what to do.

“Doctor Kim? The next patient is ready to see you.” A knocking nurse distracts him and calls out from behind the door, “-shall I send them in?”

Namjoon sniffs heavily and sighs deeply, rushingly grabbing his glasses and adjusting his emotionally wrecked state, “One moment!”

He lets out a soft, shaky breath and reminds himself once more that you’re a Kim.

You’re strong.

You can beat this.

It'll be alright.

You'll be okay.

"IM NOT OKAY JIMIN-SHI!" You voicely whine out to your friend who is currently dragging you along the halls of the hospital and out the technologically advanced glass doors, "What is wrong with you?!" You pull your arm aggressively from his grasp as you bend down, hands resting on your knees while you hastily try to catch your breath. The camellia flower stuck just along the chords of your throat making it very difficult.

Jimin stares at you worryingly, having forgotten of your illness, "O- oh no. y/n, I'm sorry I forgot I- are you okay? Should we go back?" He stutters in concern before you hold up one finger, signaling him to shut the hell up. "-sorry."

Looking at you like this, tired and exhausted from having to put up with all his bullshit, Jimin feels a sudden urge to reach out and embrace you tightly, almost forgetting of his previous encounter with your brother.

And so that's exactly what he does.

You are caught off guard the moment you feel a hand grab your shoulder by means of pulling you closer all the while another rests just at your crook of spine, and although this first makes you stumble in a not-so-very prettily way, your destination is found to be in your friend's embrace, his fragile yet protective arms wrapped around you securely.

Not letting this moment simply pass by, you let yourself melt in his arms as you find the comfort meant to be found in his comforting hug, wrapping your arms around his neck as you slightly stand on your tippy toes. Somehow, your simple action makes him pull you even closer, one hand creeping behind your neck all the while his other is completely wrapped around your waist although this time is tighter than before.

As the two of you stay like this in the middle of the sliding glass doors of the hospital, crowds of unfamiliar voices passing by you and ambulances ringing endlessly against your ear, you let yourself submerge within the passion of your heart.

Amidst the chaos and cries of your nearingly counted days, you find consolation in the arms of the same man that has put you in front of death's door, and quite frankly, you wouldn't really want it any other way. You'll take what is given by the heavens above when it comes to Jimin, because well- you love him.

Unfortunately, that quick and simple thought is enough to make you lose control of your reminded disease.

"y-y/n what's- are you okay?" Jimin pulls away from you abruptly as you break into coughing fits, pastel pink camellia blossoms escaping your trembling lips.

The sight has caught the attention of many civilians, but both you and Jimin remain to be indifferent about them as you or more or less are occupied with your illness all the while Jimin specifically aims his attention on you alone.

"Alright that's it, screw your brother alright?" Jimin exclaims a bit louder than what you're comfortable with as this obviously did not benefit with the proceedingly growing public focus on the two of you, "-we're going back, y/n, it's my fault for bringing you outside so suddenly-"

"No chim, please-" You roughly attempt to speak out, your throat painfully extracting the feeling of abrasiveness, "Please just- let's just go."

"y/n.."

“Please chim,” you cut him off for what seemed to be the fiftieth time, coughing, “-please. I don’t want to be here any longer.”

Hesistant yet concerned, Jimin nods slowly as he assists your side, his hands finding its home around your waist and lower back while you both take short and careful strides. You destination is still unknown, but you didn’t mind. A journey a day with someone you love has never turned out for the worse.

At least that's what you think.

"Really?" You roll your eyes as you notice the familiar lane that Jimin's car just entered, "I asked you to get me out of the hospital area, I didn't ask for a sleepover, Jimin." You jokingly accuse him, but you can't help the smile that makes its way on your puffed-up face as you notice him smoothly take a side-glance at you with a knowing smirk.

"Well I thought that with all that bad hospital air, you might've wanted to breathe in a familiar scent," Jimin responds as the car comes to a stop.

You turn slightly to open the door and step out before you here a meek, "Jankkanman!" and perceive a 5'9 in height blondie come running around the bonnet in order to open the car door for you as a gentleman would. It is such a sweet and casual pantomime, yet an ill-patient diagnosed with an illness of the heart can never bring you any wins. Consequently, his actions only causes your throat to feel strained and compacted for the endless time.

God, how much did you love this man that such a simple gesture makes you want to cough out countless of fully bloomed flowers?

You thank the heavens above for your past endless experiences that allowed you to now be better in terms of hiding your pain as you attempt to smile genuinely, mumbling a small "thank you" in the process before making your way inside his home.

"So," Jimin starts as the two of you plop down his couch, his eyes seeking for yours as he tilts his head ever so lightly, "what should we do today... now that you're out of that hell hole?"

"Chim!" You scold him lightly, "my brother and your best friend just happens to be working in that hell hole, just in case you forgot, and- hey! You work there too, you ass." You accusingly point at him all the while hitting his arm playfully.

Jimin is was a nurse in that hospital. Your brother is a doctor.

He laughs and smiles widely, "Nope. I don't work there anymore, remember? But I did for a while, which is why I can most definitely testify that that place is indeed, a hell hole. And by the way, I'm kind of offended that you pretty much forgot my lost profession just then, y/n, like what the fuck?" He jokes endingly.

Your eyes soften slightly as he mentions his lack of job, yet you still stubbornly choose to ignore his last remark. "Well I sure hope that's not the case since I'll be most likely spending my last days there."

Oops.

The silence that ensues goes inevitably noticed by the two of you the moment those words escaped past your lips, but you paid no mind. That was the reason that you asked him to take you away anyways. You weren't hoping for some cliche romantic bullshit where the two of you simply elope and forget your real worries in your life, no. Instead you were here with the main purpose of facing it.

Besides, even if you did want to leave with him, you couldn't. Remember?

Jimin is the first to break the excessive blockade, "Don't say that y/n."

You sigh, "But it's true, chim."

"I don't give a shit if it's true or not."

"Chim.." You are slightly startled with his sudden outburst, caught off guard in the way his voice slightly raised as his attention and body language are now completely directed at you, "Wha- why are you getting mad?"

Jimin scoffs, almost irritated at your oblivious question, "Why? Because you're talking of dying like it's not a big deal, y/n!" His voice getting louder and louder by every word he spits out, "God, you know you can be so fucking insensitive sometimes. What, did you already forget the shit I suffered when I lost someone? Did you already forget all the fucking shit I suffered when death took her from me?"

At the mention of her, you pause. Speechless. Guilty. Hurt.

Of course you remember. How could you not? You remember the darkest of days as like it was just yesterday.

You remember getting that call in the middle of the night from the contact name of your brother as you slightly answered it in an irritated voice, "Joon I swear to God if you're asking me to drive you to work in the middle of the fucking night I will personally drag your ass right now to get a driver's liscenc-"

"y/n?"

You remember immediately stopping as you recognize the voice that most certainly did not belong to your brother, "Chim?"

"y- y/n."

You remember the outbreak of his sobs as you call out to him, his sniffles and cries becoming more and more prominent as you stumble on your feet, struggling with keeping your phone against and in between your ear and your shoulder as you hurryingly take off to grab a jacket and your keys, "Chim what's wrong, where the hell are you? W- where's Joon?"

You remember the way your heart dropped as your worst fear came to mind, the thought of losing your brother itself being enough to make you wobble in your feet, your heart clenching. He had your brother's phone, and he was crying.

"N-no, he- he's fine, y/n. It's not him, hyung's... hyung's fine."

You remember the way he struggled to find the right words; the way he sniffled and stuttered through forming such a simple sentence all the while you on the other side of the line breathe out a sigh of relief at the information of your brother's wellness, yet feeling slightly guilty that your emotions are in contrast with your friend's.

"It's Sung."

You remember Jimin's worst.

"It's Sung, y/n. Sh- she got in an accident on the way here to visit me during my off hours and- fuck! Some fucking demon pulled a hit and run on her. She was walking, y/n. She walked an hour here and got ran over by someone and.. they're doing an operation on her- hyung's assisting and he just- it's bad. It was really bad and she was bleeding all fucking over and- hyung, he- he left his phone and I didn't know what to do so I just called you- I didn't, they pushed me out of the room, y/n. I need you here. Please, please. Please come here because I'm losing my fucking mind and I need you here."

You remember driving to the hospital as careful as you can with the fear of the possibility of an accident occurring still in the midst of the back of your mind.

You remember reaching the doors of the emergency room and being greeted with a pair of reddened and exhausted eyes that looked up the moment you walked in, "Jin."

He stands up to greet you politely but you stop him, obviously seeing that his reaction upon seeing you is no more than a forced delight, "Let's not do this under these circumstances, okay? You're allowed to feel unwelcoming. It's okay, Jin."

He does no more than mumble a small 'thank you' before going back to his previous spot with you trudging along beside him.

You remember feeling the sorrow of the man beside you as you watch him lean his head back against the wall, fragile streaks of tears rolling down his flushed cheeks. You couldn't imagine his pain, the pain of such a situation where your sister's life is at stake. You wanted to comfort him, to softly rub his back and whisper sweet encouragements against his ear, little white lies that his sister is guaranteed to make it without a doubt. But you couldn't. You weren't here for him, regardless of your history. Regardless of the way you left him the morning after your supposed mistake.

"Uhm, have you seen Jimin?"

You remember the way his void eyes find yours and the way his lips lightly upturn as he gives you a forced smirk, trying to keep up with his image of being Kim Seokjin, Kim Sungkyung's handsome and cocky older brother, "And here I was thinking fate brought you here to me, y/n." He trails off, "-considering how you fucked me then dipped."

You gasp slightly and playfully hit his arm at the blunt mention of your regretted one night stand as you give him a small yet genuine smile, partly glad yet at the same time worried that he can make such remarks during a situation like this.

It was strange really, how everything in your life seemed to be connected. How on the day you felt your heart tore apart the time Jimin first mentioned his planned proposal, you went out and accidentally slept with the soon-to-be-bride's older brother.

Letting out a small sigh, Jin nods his head in the direction of a different waiting room, "He left when I came. Guess he was embarrassed of how fucked up he was but hey- I'm not doing any fucking better am I?" He tells you, subtly pointing at the very visible streaks of tears still falling down his now puffy face.

You get on your feet and turn to leave but not before giving one last glance at the man next to you, a hand softly reaching to rub his shoulder, "I'm so sorry, Jin. I wish I could stay, but-"

"It's okay, y/n. Go." Jin encourages you with a small yet noticeably forced smile, "He needs you."

And so you do, bidding him a soft goodbye before taking off, your eyes beginning to water out of the guilt of leaving a friend in that state.

You then remember being suffocated. Suffocated from the embrace that greeted you the moment Jimin entered your peripheral vision. You remember landing on your behind with a harsh thud from the struggle of Jimin's weight as he continues to seek your embrace for means of comfort, the two of you falling down the floor. You remember getting drenched from Jimin's tears as you cradle him as would a wailing child, rocking him back and forth all the while softly rubbing his back, whispering every bit of amenity that could make him feel better.

You remember feeling your heart physically ache as you fail to notice the tears that have fallen down your own eyes, blurring your sight.

To see Jimin in this state, so broken and hurt and scared, it tore you apart. You wanted him happy. You wanted him smiling. You wanted him. You loved him. And God forbid that you're admitting this in your own mind while his fiance is battling for her own life, but fuck.

You wanted nothing more than to lay down your own life for Sung so that she could continue in existence for him.

If you could, you would take here place.

You would die for her, for him.

You remember pushing back your thoughts as you put focusing on Jimin your first priority. You remember keeping him in a neverending tight embrace as he neverendingly sobs against your chest, his lips leaving prayers you could barely yet still tried to understand;

please don't let her die

don't take her away from me

i love her too much

i still have to marry her.

You then remember hearing a wail of anguish, putting a pause to both Jimin's silent pleas and your eavesdropping as the both of your heads turn to pinpoint from whom the noise came from.

You remember the way Jimin stilled.

"No."

You remember his whisper of such a small, two-lettered word, yet somehow it caused your heart to crumble.

"No no no no-"

You remember having to tackle Jimin slightly as he causes a mess of himself, punching the seats and harshly tugging on his hair all the while screaming wails of pain and suffering, "Jimin please-"

"No- get the fuck off of me! Sung?!"

You remember how Jimin lost sight of reality as he pushes you off of him, your body making in contact with the cold tiled ground.

"SUNG? SUNG! LET ME INSIDE-"

You remember seeing nurses and other staff pull the man you love back as he causes a scene, starting to become physical and violent with the people surrounding him, "PLEASE! Please- I just- I NEED TO SEE HER! SHES MY FIANCE-"

You remember seeing a man dressed in blue make his way near Jimin, a needle in his hand.

"H-hey, no!" You remember trying to catch up to the nurse, attempting to prevent them from giving whatever the shot was to Jimin, "Stop! Please-"

"y/n. D-don't."

You remember feeling a hand on your shoulder which makes you turn around instantly, only to find the culprit behind the anguished scream just moments prior Jimin's outburst.

"Jin." You start, "-they're going to sedate him. That- that's not okay."

"They have to, y/n." Another voice calls out from behind Jin, "I know how it seems and I don't like it either, b-but he's becoming violent. They have to sedate him."

"Joon." You whisper softly.

What a sick and twisted game that life is playing on you, that your brother, Jimin's best friend, Jimin's best man at the wedding being planned, is the one to give news of the bride's passing.

"Sung, is she really.." You trail off, not having the heart to finish your sentence.

It seems neither does he, as he responds with nothing but a simple avoidance of eye contact.

"HYUNG!"

You remember Jimin's faint and tired yet still firm voice as he calls out your brother, "Hyung, you saved her didn't you? You- you were part of the surgery. You saved her didn't you? Didn't you!?" Jimin is weak as he trails off his words as the effect of the syringe takes its course, but that doesn't stop him from reaching out to the three of you, "H-hyung. Tell me you saved her. P-please tell me you saved h-her."

Namjoon doesn't stop the tear that rolls down his hardened face as he only shakes his head, "I'm sorry, Jimin. We did our best. We really, really did. I'm so sorry-"

You remember the way Namjoon's voice trails off your hearing as your throat suddenly feels contracted. You remember the itching pain just within your chest as you find the struggle to breath, your hand clutching it harshly. You remember stumbling back just a little bit as you feel lightheaded, thinking that these were only from the overwhelming happenings in that moment.

But then you cough.

And you cough

and you cough

and you cough.

But no one notices you.

Not even yourself.

Your attention remains still at Jimin, who has now dropped completely to the floor, tears still continuously spilling out of his drowsy eyes. Short breaths are released from his trembling lips as he mumbles words that none of you can understand. He then begins to seemingly reach out for something, someone.

"P-please," He whispers.

And as you bend down almost immediately to attend to his calls, you cough.

And you cough

and you cough.

And still no one notices.

No one except him.

You cough as your eyes find his, barely open yet staring right at you from the lows of the floor.

You remember having to excuse yourself and run to the nearest restroom you can find, legs trembling and stumbling on your way there as you push against the winds of the almost empty halls, still coughing with every step you take. And just as you reach the doors of the restroom, you turn back slightly, just enough to catch Jimin's last sight while his body is being carried away to where you guess is a vacant patient's room, all this before his eyes ultimately close.

Eyes you found lastly staring at you.

You remember finally shutting the door and locking it, thanking God silently that you're in a family restroom hence there is no one else inside. You cough desperately, your throat beginning to feel exclusively sore and your lungs beginning to tighten from all the air being released as you cough and cough and cough again.

You reach out to the sink, gripping tightly onto the white metals as you cough and cough and cough again.

You then brushingly turn to the toilet, your eyes watering and lips numbing as you cough and you cough and you cough once more.

You practically clean the whole restroom, as disgusting as that sounds, from all the moving you made as you coughed anywhere and everywhere. You felt awful for the next person to come inside, now that your bacterium were practically in its every corner, side, and space. You cough again, this time harder, the worst one out of the previous.

You remember sensing a certain feeling rise up, something soft yet itchy, something light yet heavy.

And so you cough, and you cough, and you cough, and you cough,

and you bleed.

And amongst the red is a pink.

A single, individual pink petal from what you would soon find out is a camellia flower - the flower that is soon to be the latter symbolization of death chasing you, growing closer, inching nearer, just about to knock on your door.

So of course you remember Jimin's distraught. Of course you remember Sung's - his fiance's death.

Because her death was too, the ultimate beginning of yours.

taglist for part 2?

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animeyanderelover · 3 years

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Requested from @girliesanjose123

Request: Can I have prompt 68 with Indra Otsutsuki in a soulmate AU?

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, harsh behavior, controlling behavior, kidnapping, violence, abuse

Prompt 68: “You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

"Don't even think about it." You flinched when you heard his cold and voice ringing through the cold air of the night, a wonderful addition to his icy tone. Just as quickly as your eyes had wandered to the forest and the idea of trying to make a run for it as soon as he was asleep, the idea left you again. Instead you just turned around, staring with a scared look in your eyes at the dancing bonfire. "I'm sorry. I won't think about it again.", you muttered quickly out, a habit you had formed due to past experiences with him.

You heard something akin to a dismissing hum from him before ot became silent between you two, the only thing that made this all not too suffocating or awkward were the random noises of the night, the crackling sounds of the fire and the swooshing created by the wind. It wasn't the first time that you two just sat there like this, not speaking to each other. You because you were too intimidated and had no idea on about what you could possibly talk about with him and him because he wasn't the very talkative type. And forcing him into a conversation wasn't very wise either, he got quickly annoyed with you.

Up until this day you had troubles believing that he was really the one you had been born to be with, your soulmate. And yet his name had been engraved on your wrist since your thirteenth year of life, written down in black letters without a chance to ever erase it again. Just like your name was written down on his wrist, he had never told you since when. The most detailed answer you had gotten from him had been that he had the mark on him since quite the long time.

Soulmates were totally romanticized in your opinion even though you understood to a very small degree why people wished to have a soulmate as well. The idea of having someone who was born to be with you and would experience something that could only be described with love at first sight was tempting to imagine. But sadly the dark side of having a soulmate was overshadowed, pushed away since people only wanted to see and hear what added up to the dream relationship in their mind.

There was no other choice than this one person who was your other half, not even if you fell for someone who seemed to fit you much more perfect. This was one of the most common misunderstandings people had about soulmates. They thought they were perfect for each other and loved each other conditionally. It was a lie. You had informed yourself, read a lot of reports and letters about it, even from people who had themselves a soulmate. And in more than a few people had described that their soulmate had been nothing near perfect, they had been lazy, selfish, mean and so much more. Some had even described how their soulmate had cheated even after they had met each other which had ended in a terrible heartbreak for both parts.

Having a soulmate didn't have to mean that they loved you as well, but once this happened, it ended in a terrible pain and depression for both parties and some had even said to die because of a broken heart. What a ridiculous thing to exist. Why would have a innocent who had done nothing wrong suffer because their soulmate had to be a dick without knowing each other even that well except the sudden attraction to each other and the knowledge that they were your soulmate?

So you had never been exactly happy when receiving that mark of yours, but everyone else around you had seemed to make a huge fuss about it. Friends and classmates had envied you for it and your neighbors had started almost gushing about the name written down on your wrist, starting to talk to you about how happy you must be to have one and how cute you would look together with them. You hadn't, but with that opinion you had been sadly alone. Even your parents had sugarcoated it, maybe because they were scared what might happen to you and this Indra if you would reject them.

But you had been completely right and you could bet that everyone in the village had sobered by now up from their delusions. If he would have kidnapped you silently, they would have assumed that you might have gone with him. But you hadn't. Instead you had tried to run away from him after only a few hours of knowing him. And you still remembered how the protests and comments to try to calm you down had died down the moment Indra had started demolishing everything in his way to catch you.

You didn't know until this day what had become of all the people in the village and if some of them were even alive. You hadn't seen much, but the short glances on the place that had used to be your home once had been enough to horrify you before you had passed out after looking in red eyes with three dots spinning inside of them.

You had by now given up asking to see your family again, every begging and pleading had been harshly and coldly shut down by him that by now you had pretty much lost all hopes. You had also given up on cursing whoever had decided to set you two up, there was nothing you could do and you had sadly no one to blame for this either, leading you to wallowing in self-pity.

The most frustrating was that you knew so little about him. He had never told you much and you had long ago lost the guts to ask him. You knew he was from far away, had left due to family issues and was planning to prove something. That was about all you knew about him next to his name and that he was insanely powerful. He could be a mass murder and you wouldn't kno. He on the other hand had wanted to know about everything about you and had forced it out of you. Well, maybe he would become more open over time. He wasn't someone who seemed to warm up quickly to a stranger.

That was probably why he was so distant and cold to you most of the time next to being very strict and controlling. He striked you as someone who viewed love and attraction as a weakness, but still seemed to be sane enough to know what would happen if he would have left you behind back then when he had met you for the first time. You had read that soulmates had gone crazy for their other half after meeting them and having to endure a longer time not touching them.

He was smart enough to fulfill those needs of his which sadly also fulfilled your needs. He hadn't engaged in anything too sexual so far, but even those forced touches of his had been enough to make you feel repulsed and yet also had pulled you closer to him. You blamed the soulmate bond for it. You knew too well that you would most likely not be able to stay like this forever, being already sometimes torn apart between your huge dislike for him and the always remaining attaction for him, the butterflies you felt whenever he seemed to become more nice and softer with you.

It was frustrating enough to make you feel like crying sometimes, you hadn't want any of this, but life had to be a bitch and decide to make him from all people in this world your soulmate. You just wished you had never been born with a soulmate or at the very least never met him. You hated how you always felt a painful stinging in your chest when he ignored you or hissed angrily at you.

You knew he had to feel the same, he had to suffer when avoiding you as well. But he was far more better in handling and hiding it than you were which was another rather hurting and harsh slap in your face. Didn't he care at all? You really just thought he was, the only reason he kept you around was because he didn't want to endure the full package of pain that came with just leaving your soulmate alone. He was just too hard to read.

And yet there were those moments where you almost got the feeling he was seeking for your touches and some sort of affirmation of you, only to push you moments later away from him and look like he had no idea what he had just done either. Such moments confused you greatly and seemed to irritate him just as much. So at the very least he seemed to slowly get pulled to you as well. Was this actually a thing to be glad or terrified over?

"Are you sulking again over the fact that we're soulmates?" His voice brought you out of your thoughtful gaze, noticing with a slight shiver that he was staring at you. You guessed you had stared too long at the mark on your wrist. You didn't know how to answer this, feeling scared that the wrong answer might lead to him getting angry again. You had learned to be careful around him, you felt most of the times like you were walking on eggshells whenever with him.

You opened your mouth shortly, only to close it again after not finding the strength to do as much as uttering a single word out. You had nothing to say if you were honest with yourself. "You're not going to answer me?"

Indra had shifted slightly closer to you, eyes drilling themselves into you with a piercing intensity. He hadn't activated them yet so that meant you were still in a green zone with him, he always activated them when he was pissed off because of something. A short glance at him made you almost believe that he seemed to display genuine curiosity right now.

You hesitated for a bit, not knowing whether to be honest with him or not. Lying was always an option, but a rather stupid one, he noticed always when you lied to him and he disliked it when you lied. "Yes, I am.", you answered for a few seconds of thick silence passing by, observing cautiously his reaction.

You had expected him to either not care or just becoming mad with you, but instead you always imagined for a second something akin to exhaustion flashing over his face. But it was so quickly gone that you weren't even sure if it had been there in the first place. But it had awakened some sort of interest in him, judging from the way his attention was now hooked on you. It made you tense up, playing with your fingers awkwardly.

"You know, I never asked you this before...But what do you think of me? Be honest." This question always made you choke on your own spit, gaping dumbfounded and majorly confused at him. His face gave no emotion away he could possibly feel right now. But from the way he was looking at you, you knew that he expeted an answer, a honest one, from you.

"You're not...what I expected." It was the only true yet subtle enough statement you could think off without saying anything that could offend him too openly.

It didn't seem to satisfy him though, he furrowed his eyebrows slightly at this very vague answer of yours. "Be more specific. I want to know."

If you would tell him, he would be angry with you, you were almost certain about it. Shouldn't it have been obvious from the way you were acting around him that you didn't like him? He couldn't be that oblivious. So if he already knew, why asking? Did he perhaps want to hear it from you personally?

"You're kind of...distant..." It sounded more like a question and you said it extremely slowly, unsureness dripping from every word. You kept by now an eye on Indra so you could react when he seemed to get offended by what you said. But at the moment he appeared to be calm, just listening and watching. "Continue."

"Well, if I'm being honest I feel a bit neglected from you. You're hard to read and I can't seem to understand what you sometimes even want from me. There are those moments where you treat me like I'm just air or some sort of dog you have to punish for bad behavior. And in other moments you are suddenly being all nice and friendly with me and almost act like you care before you snap out of it again and lash out on me. You're a bit confusing to be with and I just feel like you can't stand me at all since I make you acting like this. So emotionally."

There were quite a lot of unspoken things you could have added, but that would have taken a while and were far more offendingly than what you had put in words as politely as possible and told him just now.

He didn’t say anything which you just counted as a good thing, it meant he wasn’t mad at you...At least yet. Who knew with him and his temper. “So I take it that you don’t like me, do you?”

You quirked yourself eyebrow a few millimeters upon hearing the undertone in his voice, scanning his face. He was not angry, you could tell. It was something else right now for which you needed a few moments to look at before you suddenly understood. Was he...Was he poking fun at you?!

This made you stop thinking for a moment, you had in those past few weeks never seen him displaying many emotions except anger, impatience and from time to time those nearly desperate acts of affection. But never, never had you seen him being amused, you had thought that he had been annoyed by all of this. But now he looked like he was almost about to grin which irritated you. Why was he being entertained all of a sudden? You felt a flicker of annoyance and slight anger shooting through you, making you frown a bit.

“No, of course I like you. Why wouldn’t I like my soulmate who kidnapped me, ruined my village and life and treats me like I’m a piece of shit? I’m happy to be ignored and neglected from my soulmate who seems to not like me at all.” You could not help the sarcasm dripping from your voice whilst watching him through narrowed eyes. The last sentence from you was half the truth and half a lie. You were content with him not acknowledging your presence, it saved you from his outbursts or forced affections. On the other hand it also led you to feeling a often a tingling pain of abandonment in your chest which you didn’t like at all. You could only curse at the connection you shared with Indra. You loathed it.

You heard him scoffing, his expression telling you that he was surprised, luckily not too negatively, by your sudden attitude. “You feel neglected?”, he asked you, giving you a somewhat mischievous look which made you even more irritated. “So you want me to give you more affection? Is that it?”

You didn’t like how close he had shifted to you, it made you uncomfortable and you refused to acknowledge the happy and warm tingling this sudden closeness seemed to cause in your body. “Tell me,”, he asked in a deeper voice,”do you think I hate you and you me?”

Against your will you felt your face heating up and your heartbeat increasing, staring almost hypnotized in those deep and black orbs of his in which you, for the first time since he had abducted you, saw the sparkles of emotions. Had they always been there? Granted, it was your first time looking him so directly in his eyes.

“I-I-umm...” That was about how you sounded right now, slapping yourself mentally out of embarrassment. Why were you all of a sudden so bashful? No, you refused to let him win this. You took a deep and shaky breath to come back to your senses. “Give me a reason to not think you would hate me despite those short moments where you fulfill the basic needs every soulmate feels when with his other half. And why wouldn’t I hate you?! You dragged me in this whole mess and because of you I-“

You were forcefully silenced in a way that made your heart nearly jump out of your chest. He kissed you, surprisingly warm lips moving in a firm way against yours. And you really should have done something against it. But the moment you felt his lips against yours for the first time since you had seen him, it was like a bomb exploded in your head and all of a sudden everything inside of you seemed to slow wonderfully down, no numb stinging, no unnecessary thoughts, only you and him.

Just for a short moment you seemed to forget what he had done, letting the overwhelming feelings of the special bond between you two get the better of you. And all of a sudden you found your arms around his neck, your body screaming to be closer to him. This didn’t go unnoticed by him and you felt something that would have been a smirk if your lips wouldn’t have affectionate-starved moved against his own. At the very least he seemed to share the same hunger for touches from you like the other way around because you felt his arms suddenly sliding around you and lifting you with surprisingly much carefulness yet also eagerness closer to him, chest pressed against chest so that you two could feel each other’s heartbeat beating in sync. It was such a blissful experience for you, suddenly having so much intimacy with the man who had refused to give you what you had always wanted despite refusing to admit so.

You almost whined when he suddenly pulled away, probably because he had realized that you were running short on air which you hadn’t even realized until you panted quickly for air, body still refusing to leave his sudden embrace.

“Are you sure that you hate me? Your actions just right now seemed to tell the opposite.” He himself seemed to be out of air, you hearing his slight panting, warm air hitting your neck and causing goosebumps to rise on your skin.

You felt shame washing over you the moment you heard his questions, refusing to look him into his eyes. Your lips had pressed into an angry line, the feeling of his mouth on yours still lingering and you cussed yourself when catching yourself wishing to just slam your lips against his once again.

“What was that for right now? Did you want to torture me by showing me how pathetic this rebellious act of mine really is?” Your voice was a hushed hissing, but the bitterness laced in it was clearly audible.

“That was one of the reasons, though not the main one.” You gnashed your teeth when hearing the smugness in his voice, obviously content with what he had just seen and felt. But you also found yourself being once again confused. Not the main one? What was that supposed to mean?

You didn’t even have to ask this, he answered it without you even having to question him. “I don’t hate you. Much more on the contrary. You’re all I think about. I always think about holding you, kissing you, touching you, making love to you, breeding you...”

You felt a disturbing feeling starting to make it’s way up your throat, forming a lump on which you almost choked. By now his eyes seemed to blaze with a sudden storm of emotion which could be put together in a few simple yet terrifying words. Twisted and sick obsession.

“You will love me. You have no choice, but to do so. You can try to neglect your feelings for as long as you want, I can guarantee you that I’ll make sure that you’ll melt in my touches. We’re soulmates (y/n). You’ll come around sooner or later.”

#yandere naruto #yandere naruto shippuden #yandere indra #yandere indra otsutsuki

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larrythefloridaman · 3 years

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Y'all like your deities with or without the shell?

Under the readmore is aaaaaaaaall color god observations and musings based on them, because I am studying to become the world's Premiere Chromatheologian and RGB Understander so under the cut is pretty much Oops! All Spoilers! up to the most recent episode of season 3.

Apparently Universal Color God Attributes:

Damage to their domain hurts them, but fixing the issue, or lashing out by using their powers destructively, can help them to repair the damage.

If they sustain enough damage, it can temporarily paralyze them and send them into a strengthened but 'exposed' state (chartreuse's spirit activation in the last fight of 19) and further damage after that will activate a failsafe, which is unique by domain but seemingly designed to give them the chance to balance things, but can get… very out of hand or backfire depending on circumstances. (see: cobalt’s failsafe sending mark's universe into a never-ending apocalyptic war because word of the cure for death became too widespread for the killing urge failsafe to affectively balance anything because every side could simply revive their fallen.)

Chartreuse's failsafe is something of a stopped time bubble quarantine where processes that require the passing of time cannot complete, allowing her the time to wear down the offending party to beat them to death or plan around finishing them.

Cobalt's is inciting war, the casualties serving to balance the scale. I'm not sure we know Crimson's yet- he's never taken enough direct damage without doing damage to compensate in order to trigger it, although i dont remember season one well enough to recall if any of the universe stuff in it tracks with the pattern bc season one is a bit fucky

Connected in a fashion that allows them to simply Sense the overall status of the others to some extent, although they don't know Why theyre in the state theyre in without asking (chartreuse [and by extension, folk, presumably on her information] confronting crimson via crimsonaut for pretending to be dead, Cobalt confronting both his siblings about how they are handling their duties improperly but not knowing about Folk. He knew about the constants deaths because hes a death god, duh, but he didnt use their names like crimson did, possibly implying they're erased upon death so thoroughly that only crimson and the constants can really recall a shattered constants' existence, not even the other guardians.)

Abilities of the guardians can be replicated by mortals through three apparent methods- through machines (dimensional bus, the time machine, presumably J0hn's part in Sephiroth's resurrection,) simply through advanced enough individual skill (Home MD curing death, potentially Dantoinette's universe portal travel, maybe Genwun's sped up time bubble that evolved them into Genfour? although that could very well have just been an illusion and theyre just like, a fuckin theater kid that was doing pretend character development for the Bit or something given GenFive turned out to be a zoroark) or through stealing some of the power of the relevant god (Dr. Order stealing Chartreuse's power, Dani maybe having stolen some of Crimson's when she beat his ass. Dani's one woman universal travel is like, wicked ambiguous)

Cobalt:

Can seemingly perceive or act through any living material. (The Tree. Cobalt instructed Larry to slap his hand on that tree, that shit glowed and he had a new deal tattoo without Cobalt ever having been physically present)

Can influence the resurrected by giving them a killing urge. Represented by an aberrant brainwave and a ringing in the undead's heads. This doesnt appear to be direct control- as the Grunk could clearly restrain himself from killing people that genuinely didn't deserve it (like nightly and cha cha, who WERE grunk event targets but not fatally so. Nagito was a crimson thing so it really doesn't count here. God poor grunk his life really is just a constant plaything in the hands of the gods huh) and Sephiroth very much had personal motivation to want to kill Folk. failsafe activates this ability on the scale of war.

Deals. The extent of what Cobalt can do with these is unclear but Iggy's god powers were taken from him as his part in the deal so what he can take isn't limited to physical things or things obviously related to his domain.

Weaknesses:

Deals. While this ability is impressive his preference for making deals for those that offend against his domain is potentially very exploitable- Larry's knowledge of the cure for death is, if word of it were to ever get out beyond Larry, wildly dangerous for this dimension, so technically the safest thing for the iron-fisted cobalt to do would be to nip the problem in the bud and get rid of him. But, fascinatingly, that wasn't even put on the table, the first thing Cobalt does is threaten J0hn, prompting Larry to make a deal. While Cobalt enforces death, he also doesn't like unnecessary death, and Larry demonstrably knows how to keep a secret for the good of the world even at great cost to himself and Cobalt is aware of this- easily clarifying to Larry the aberrant thing endangering the universe wasn't his timeloop business. So while he's clearly not letting his resurrection fuckery go unpunished, he's being pretty merciful when he doesn't have to be and from a strictly, brutally pragmatic perspective probably shouldn't be.

His control over the undead manifests as a ringing and an aberrant brainwave trackable by J0hn's equipment, and could probably therefore be accounted for and circumvented? J0hn has, wisely, largely sworn off fucking with people's brains after the sephiroth fiasco went So Wrong, So Very Wrong, Oh God Oh Fuck Someone Cool Almost Died, but if he hadn't, and if J0hn let his dislike for authority and keeping Larry safe outweigh reason like he let safety, spite and comedic value outweigh good ethical sense when reprogramming sephiroth, in theory Mr. 'hacked a time machine for breakfast?' could. y'know. probably do it. what is a god's authority to an anarchist, what better to challenge life and death than the cold and eternal machine, you get the point its a fun scenario

Olive Garden Breadsticks and Small Cute Dogs, apparently

Chartreuse's:

Time Clones: taps into parallel timelines to retrieve alternate versions of herself to utilize.

Time Travel: what it says on the tin. Travel to the past creates painful splits in the prime timeline, but through careful action and traveling back into the past, these can be weaved into a time loop. A split from the timeline is a wound, and a successful timeloop is the surgical scar it can become with attentive care, to use a medical metaphor. Carefully closed and healing. Keeping Folk here is essentially akin to chartreuse pulling out her stitches on the initial incision.

Time Stopping: creates a space wherein things that take time to complete cannot complete, where things can move, but everything within is in a perfect unchanging stasis until the bubble drops. This is the form her failsafe takes.

Timeline Creation: can create timelines from scratch.

Can fuse alternate timeline versions of the same individual to allow them to coexist. (Ryan's confirmed in the discord that Dantoinette experienced both failures in 20, because Chartreuse fused the two instances of her to save the post-raid instance from fading. Could... theoretically do this to Folk and save herself the pain, but while Folk and Therapuppy are the same person, there's seven years and untold amounts of difference deriving from the time and circumstance between them and the inherent cognitive dissonances that would result from attempting that would be wicked fucked up to inflict, and that's assuming there isn't some reason that it wouldn't be possible anyway. while the two Danis had like. A day or so's difference between them, so she could be safely fused with the only dissonant thing being that she remembers both being too slow to prevent order's time escape and beginning to dissipate post-raid, AND losing that fight to her pre-raid. RIP Dani, that perfectionism must be kicking her ass)

Weaknesses:

Unwilling to use her powers destructively in her pursuit of domain repair and thereby much easier to damage to the point of paralyzing her, making her particularly vulnerable to Power Theft

Morally Optimistic. At one point in 19, she briefly justifies Crimson's shitty evil actions to herself after experiencing for herself how Wack the kerfuffleverse is firsthand, ("and all he did was kill a couple people!" Chartreuse. Honey.) and when she fights Crimsonaut she seems to actually believe for a second that he's actually worried about her when Crimson asks if she's okay after he beats her. Additionally, as D+, she concerns herself with trying to understand doctor order's motive, and after Larry defeats Order, he makes a point of confirming she feels no remorse before making his request for what Chartreuse does with her, and appeals to the idea of letting Order fulfill her desire to be a god in a way which isn't a problem for anyone and Chartreuse is more than happy to oblige under these conditions after what Larry's done for everybody. Then immediately threatens to evaporate him for playfully teasing her about having a crush on folk. Fucked up a little bit

Crimson's:

Universe Shifting: Travel between universes.

Universe Correction: appears to replace an aberrant individual with the 'correct' version of themselves for that universe, presumably sending them back to their own. (Mario from super mario was universe corrected, but still seemingly exists in wario form as evidenced by smashup kerfuffle, and was simply temporarily replaced with his corrected universe counterpart. But like. The dimensional bus system is still active crimbo doing the Put That Thing Back Where It Came From Or So Help Me routine aint gonna work if they can come back with a shrug and bus fare. you're fighting the symptoms without treating the problem)

Universal Constants:

Three individuals per universe that serve as the pillars which stabilize said universe, created by absorbing red orbs Crimson creates. Becoming a constant grants power, but also makes the constant fragile, and death wipes them from the face of the multiverse, only crimson, those he's possessed and the other constants seemingly able to recall they ever existed, although some physical evidence is still left behind (Larry's record of Nagito's death, which is just as redacted as everything else relating to him but still is very much something Larry has. Kind of a Voidfish adventurezone type beat ironically enough? Taako really has seen all this shit before no wonder he peaced tf out)

To counterbalance the weaknesses the constants have, they have a sort of spidey-sense to alert them to danger, and an intrinsic bonded connection to their fellow constants, and additionally, Crimson apparently doesn't suffer any pain from the death of constants or the structural instability of a universe.

Possession: what it says on the tin! Seemingly can only be done with permission to living things- none of crimson's direct hosts seem to have entered that agreement unwillingly, Valentine lost a bet, Hamburger and Crimsonaut have been by all evidence intentional allies to Crimson- but electronics are fair game, as seen with The Guy's suit. Kinda curious how that rule applies to bitches that are half and half, like J0hn or the clonebot gang, as its unclear whether The Guy's suit was yoinkable without permission because it was mechanical or because its not sentient. could go either way but if it's the former that's potentially very frightening

Fusion: Two individuals from alternate universes can be fused into one shared body which can take on aspects of either depending on which is currently in control. (possibly allows someone who traveled into a given universe to become a fixed resident there without it being an issue for Crimson, whose job is to prevent interdimensional travel?) Monday Mark and possibly T.O.M. are our main examples.

Corruption:

Unpleasant As Hell and can even kill you instead of changing you if you cant handle it.

turns the corrupted individual into a twisted exaggeration of themself, allows them supernatural control over their shape, and makes them very difficult- if not impossible by traditional means- to kill, based on Garfield.

Subjects them to control by Crimson, but can be exorcised of this influence just like crimson's direct hosts can, although the supernatural changes to their physiology are seemingly permanent, judging from Shantae.

Notable Weaknesses:

Exorcism can be performed to free a possessed or corrupted individual of Crimson's influence. Its unclear how exorcism works/is learned in CPUK, but confirmed exorcists: dantoinette and yung papaya's snake dad, confirmed non-exorcists: folk

The universal constant orbs are physical objects so they are Very Stealable and they grant a power boost so theres literally an Incentive to beat his ass for anybody who wants to be strong and either doesnt know or doesn't care about the whole 'getting erased when you die' part

Crimson has lots of tools to create pawns, but all of them have drawbacks. Corruption could kill a potential pawn, possession generally seems to require permission, and he has no control over the constants' choices and actions

Manipulative bitch's highest stat is charisma and it shows. This motherfucker is selling snake oil. If he was mortal rather than a Whole Entire God he'd make an excellent ineffectual saturday morning cartoon supervillain and i think everyone, including him, would be happier for it, ngl

Something interesting ive realized that likely wasnt fully intentional, is that a lot of Dr. Order's creations, considering her motive, can kind of be sorted by a color god it appears to be a crude attempt at mimicking the abilities of. My Grunk is a poorly executed resurrection, the clonebot gang vs chartreuse's timeclones (this one deserves special mention because Chartreuse used this shitty attempted mimicry to her advantage with D+, very smart and ironic play, excellent job Treusy,) spirits are somewhat similar to universal constant orbs (orbs which can be absorbed to grant power, but which have physical repercussions- key differences being that spirits require activation and grow stronger while attuning to a user without being used, and having far less severe drawbacks, taking a heavy toll on the body, but only once they've worn off and without the risk of wiping yourself from the face of existence,) and she also augmented Perfect Spriteman and Larry, which kind of track as crude imitations of Crimson's corruption!

Garfield was an acerbic cat who loved food and hated mondays, now its an actively malicious ever-hungry amorphous entity whose only weakness is monday and whose only consistency in form is 'cat-like.'

Shantae was (to my extremely limited understanding of shantae,) a friendly heroic type who had to introduce herself often, and she became something akin to a biblically accurate angel that can *only* introduce herself.

The Grunks a tough but sweet and supportive single dad with stage presence and a tendency to fly off the handle when he or his family are slighted, and now he gets so hype in the audience when his son does well that he bursts into flames and ascends and we get random grunk events along with the associated murder charges when he gets mad and the target sucks enough that he doesn't hold himself back from killing them.

Perfect Spriteman and Larry fit the trend of exaggeration of already present traits- Spriteman fucking loves sprite and became something that only thinks about sprite, and Larry the Florida Man, characterized from minute one by unpredictability and who spent his first matches in the series pre-shapeshifter transformation staying alive keeping stocks for Shockingly Long even despite getting seventh, became literally physically random as well as developing the ability to regenerate, albeit with the ability to feel pain normally very much intact, unlike Garfield just... Soaking up damage like its nothing in his pursuit of Jon. The fact that Arbuckle legit defeated Garfield, even temporarily, is terrifyingly impressive honestly that dude is fucking built different for being so chronically bland

i dont think they're actually corrupted in any meaningful way we have to worry about, to be fully clear, Spriteman was cured with fucking antacids, i simply think they could be a fucked up attempt at making something that kind of seems like it from a functional standpoint, from the wannabe god doctor that brought us green clones whose only fundamental association with time was accelerated aging and who thought an actively rotting corpse thats just reanimated enough that it can throw hands was as good as curing death

#cpu kerfuffle #cpuk cobalt #cpuk chartreuse #cpuk crimson #im like. 80% all this info is correct but im not feeling up to rewatching matches to doublecheck rn ngl asdsfgfghgfhfgsdf #will probably edit with fixes if im misremembering smthn later

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sonnetthebard · 3 years

Note

Owen doesn't really like horror movies and he gets paranoid pretty easily because of them. He hates that it happens and never tells anyone about it, he thinks its embarrassing for someone like him to be set off by something as simple as a movie. Curt also didn't know, until he proposed watching a horror movie one night. Owen went along with it because he knew Curt wanted to watch it with him and tried his best to sit through it, but Curt picked up on how uncomfortable he was -S

I know this was supposed to be headcanons, but... I had to write this as a oneshot. I absolutely love it.

Genre: Fluff/ Romance/ Angst

Words: 3171

TL;DR: Owen is not a fan of horror movies.

TW: Anxiety/ Triggering, brief mention of violence, panic attack, minor implied ptsd.

"Darling, I'm home!" Owen called into his shared hotel room teasingly.

"What, you're done scoping out the venue already?" Curt smirked, making his way out of his room, already dressed down to just a dress shirt (with a few buttons undone) and dress pants.

Owen smirked at that. Evidently Curt had decided his work for the day was over. They were in the primary stages of a small mission- one that should be simple. Intercept the passing of information from the French to the Russians- no matter the cost. If they had to kill someone, so be it. It may be an easy mission, but it was a crucial one. It was set to happen at the ballroom in one of the biggest estates in London during a gala hosted by its owners- set to happen in two days. The owners weren’t royalty, but they were rich- which probably made them more powerful than royalty either way. The event was going to be massive. Royalty and dignitaries from all around the world would be there- and, of course, the informants they were there to stop. If they didn't intercept this information... well, let's just say the Soviets would have a rather large military advantage. And that wasn't something anyone wanted.

Earlier in the day, Curt and Owen had gone out and met the family hosting the gala- who were in full support of their work. They’d even offered to be so good as to give them a discreet signal when their marks arrived. Of course Owen had turned that down because, even with good intentions, the utilization of untrained assets was always a risk. Once they were done with that meeting, Curt and Owen had done some genuine espionage. They were lucky. Their informant had told them when and where their marks would be in preparation for the gala. So they'd alternated locations to watch their opponents. That way no one got suspicious seeing the same two people watching them everywhere they went. Then Owen, being the keener that he was, had gone to the ballroom and scoped it out. He always loved that part of planning. Plus, the house was practically a castle, and it was old. Owen just wanted to see it. It was a marvel of architecture. But it was at least a productive visit. He had a good sense of the place.

Now, though... Now Owen was exhausted. He'd had a big day preparing for not only his physical game but his mental one. So he was more than happy to be back with the man he loved. And he really did love Curt, in spite of his flaws. Owen was well aware of those. He would have to have been dull not to take them into account when preparing for their romantic relationship. Owen knew he was the more fit spy. He knew Curt could be a bit... careless at best, reckless at worst. And boy, did Curt’s ego ever get the better of him sometimes. But Curt was one of the most affectionate people Owen had ever met. His heart was massive, and he was as loyal as a dog. That was more than enough for Owen. They would follow each other to the ends of the earth. Owen may not have the smartest lover in the world, but... he had never felt more loved by one person. Not even his own parents.

"Already? Love, I was there for nearly three hours." Owen chuckled softly.

"You must be exhausted." Curt rolled his eyes playfully.

"As a matter of fact I am!" Owen scoffed, smirking and setting his jacket on the rack. Curt walked over to him, wrapping his arms over his shoulders and kissing him gently. Owen hummed into it, snaking his arms around Curt's waist. "What are you up to, Mega? Trying to breathe some life back into me?"

"No... I just missed you." Curt blushed lightly, still smirking and trying to play this off as cool as he could. "Am I not allowed to kiss my favourite partner after a long day of work?"

"Oh, you're more than welcome to..." Owen winked, giving him another gentle peck. He rested his forehead on Curt's, sighing. "I would say you could kiss me any time you’d like, but... well... we both know the world isn't quite ready for that."

"I know." Curt sighed. "One day..."

"We can only hope." Owen agreed. He gave Curt one more small peck of reassurance before, pulling away, walking into their room. "So what have we got for plans tonight? I was thinking maybe we could grab a bite at the fish and chips stand down the street. It's quite good. Then... maybe we could go to the cinema?"

"Actually... I was thinking maybe we could stay here." Curt bit his lip. "We've got a television here, and... they're showing Creature From The Black Lagoon on one of the channels we pick up. I missed it in the theatres while we were in Germany, and I've been hoping to see it for a few years now. It's a horror movie, and I've heard the special effects in it are great! We could watch it together!"

"Oh..." Owen bit his lip, breath hitching a bit at that.

Now... there was a bit of a dilemma. Owen came off as very suave, very tough, and impenetrable but... he had a bit of a problem with horror films. That, and films surrounding espionage. He didn't know what it was about the visual medium of storytelling that was becoming so popular, but... it affected him deeply. It was as though it set off something deep inside him, and brought up all his own fears. Even if they weren’t the fears discussed in the movie. As tacky as the movies were with their corny monsters and questionable acting they sparked his anxietes. Even worse to Owen was the irrational paranoia that came with it. The fear of something that didn't even exist. Even the things that very clearly could *never* exist. Like Dracula. Still, if Curt wanted to watch one with him, he would do his best to sit through it. Maybe he could focus his attentions on Curt and not the movie. Or maybe this movie wouldn’t get to him so badly.

"Oh what?" Curt checked, the smallest trace of concern riddling his features.

"It's nothing." Owen chuckled, trying to mask his lie. He didn't want Curt worrying about him for something so trivial. "I would love to. What are we doing for supper though?"

“I didn’t think that through.” Curt admitted. “We, um... well, we’ve got half an hour before the movie starts. Maybe we could grab fish and chips and eat it here while we watch?”

“Sure thing, love.” Owen sighed. “You want me to go and get it, then?”

“That works for me.” Curt nodded.

“And do you want me to get some crisps for later in case you get a bit peckish?” Owen checked.

“Can a get a translation of that?” Curt teased. He knew most of what Owen meant, he just loved bothering him and he knew how much his boyfriend hated Americanisms.

“Do I really have to?” Owen groaned. Curt just raised his brows in expectation. “Fine. You’re lucky I love you... Do you want me to get you some ‘potato chips’ for later in case you get the ‘munchies’?”

“I would love some potato chips.” Curt smirked triumphantly.

“‘Potato chips’...” Owen grumbled, grabbing his jacket again. “Bloody Americans butchering our language...”

“Love you too!” Curt called out the door teasingly as Owen left.

The fish and chips place wasn’t far down the street. It was one Owen knew well- his parents had even taken him there as a child. He remembered those days... Things were simpler. Not nearly as complicated as his life had become. But that wasn’t why Owen was so eager to get out of the hotel room. No, Owen wanted the space alone to brace himself and prepare himself for this movie. Because he’d always been strong for Curt. He didn’t want Curt seeing him weak. So he just needed a bit of fresh air. That’s also why he’d volunteered to get the crisps (no matter what Curt wanted to call them). Extra time to steel himself. He took his time, but even then he only spent twenty minutes out of the house. Still... it was better than having had no time at all to prepare. He took deep breaths, making his way back to the hotel room.

“Alright, darling. I have the food.” Owen called him, taking his shoes off and walking into the hotel. He set the food down on the coffee table. Curt walked out, dress shirt completely gone now. In it’s place, a white tank top. He was in denim jeans now, likely so that he didn’t ruin his dress pants. Owen smirked. “I thought we were supposed to be watching a movie, love...”

“We are.” Curt furrowed his brows, confused. He sat down on the couch, taking one of the meals for himself. Owen shrugged his jacket off, hanging it back up. He then joined Curt on the couch, a teasing glint in his eyes.

“Well... you’re very distracting...” Owen hummed. Curt blushed.

“I can put my shirt back on...” Curt mumbled.

“No, darling. Don’t do that.” Owen sighed contentedly, taking the meal Curt hadn’t taken and setting it in front of himself. Curt had taken out his multi-purpose hunting tool and a pocket knife to eat with, but Owen stopped him. He pulled out the provided cutlery. “Here, darling. We can eat like civilized people”

“Right.” Curt flushed again.

“You’re adorable when you’re all worked up.” Owen chuckled.

“You’re a bully, you know that?” Curt grumbled, getting up and walking over to their in-room television. They were lucky. Not many hotels had them, but... this one did. Their superiors didn’t mind splurging a little on their accomodations, because it usually meant they were better rested for their job.

“I’m not a bully...” Owen chuckled, his heartrate picking up again at even the thought of what he was about to watch. “I’m just a tease, doll.”

“So you admit it?” Curt smirked triumphantly, fiddling with the knobs to adjust the channel.

“Only this once.” Owen rolled his eyes playfully.

“I think I... there we go!” Curt beamed as the television crackled onto the right station. The scoring to a typical horror movie started. Owen gulped, already not liking this. Curt seemed to pick up on that. “You okay?”

“Absolutely fine.” Owen lied. Curt sighed, coming back and sitting down.

Both men sat in silence, eating and watching the movie. Owen tried to focus on his food, blocking out the movie and his surroundings. But... that was unfortunately very hard to do. Especially when Curt was so invested. The man was leaning as far forward onto his knees as he possibly could. He thought Curt might have said something about Owen being right about the fish and chips, but Owen didn’t really hear it. He was caught in his head, in a way. And in many other ways, he was totally and uterly absorbed in the movie, trapped without consent the the saga being recounted on the screen. He didn’t even notice when he finished his food, caught up in everything.

And then... then came the moment Owen was dreading. The one that had his palms sweating and his body tense the entire night. Even with all that awful anticipation it caught him completely by surprise. Just as it was meant to. For some people, that was the thrill of the game. To him, it wasn’t. To him, it was not just truly terrifying, but also... humiliating. Totally and utterly humiliating. Especially in front of his Curt. Curt, who thought he was this suave, impenetrable rock. Curt, whom he was the foundation. Curt got to watch him cower like a child. The moment of dread was, of course, the first jumpscare. And just as Owen had predicted, he had jumped right out of his seat, yelping. Curt saw him and... he started to laugh.

The world caved in for Owen. It was a mix of the genuine fear he’d experienced watching the movie, the fears that fear alone had resurface, and the humiliation. He felt in a way that he was disappointing Curt already. And the laughing... it rang in his ears even once Curt had finished. Because this time Curt wasn’t laughing with him- he was laughing at him. He tried to mask it, but he was far too caught up in his head to have any control over what his face did. He shook a little bit. He couldn’t even fear anything around him. He had tunnel vision, and everything sounded like it was underwater. Owen hated it. He knew then and there that trying to be tough had not been the right move. That he should have said no to Curt. But it was far too late for that realization to be any good.

At first, Curt had admittedly thought it was funny that Mr. Tough Guy Owen Carvour himself had fallen victim to the classic jumpscare. And he would be the first to admit he had laughed a long time- especially when he thought that for once he had been the one to fluster Owen and not the other way around. But then, when Owen neglected to come back with any snide remarks... When he didn’t tell Curt to shut up, or even chuckle along with him... That was when Curt knew that now was not the time to be laughing. That something was genuinely wrong. That was when he finally took the time to notice that his lover was shaking, and the fear that had been in his eyes when he jumped had not vanished- even though the protegonists were safe. Curt took Owen’s hand’s carefully. Owen twitched in what could be a flinch, but put up no fight. That was the final tip-off for Curt that sommething was very wrong. He got in front of Owen carefully.

“Hey... Hey, Owen. You’re okay.” Curt soothed. Owen seemed to snap a bit out of it- enough to see Curt in front of him and look him in the eyes. Curt suppressed his concern and put on a comforting smile for Owen. “That’s right, babe. Look at me. I’m right here. I’ve got you.”

There was a moment of Owen just staring into Curt’s eyes and reminding himself that Curt had his back. That he was safe. Once he had calmed enough to speak, he took a shaky sigh.

“I’m sorry.” Owen mumbled.

“No... no, don’t be sorry!” Curt shook his head, giving Owen’s hands a squeeze. Immediately as thought that had awakened something in him, Owen was squeezing back as if it were the only thing keeping him on the ground. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yes I do.” Owen spat, almost as though the words were poison. Self hatred oozed from his tone. “I’ve been lying to you. I’m a coward.”

“You are not a coward...” Curt stated firmly.

“I bloody well near shit my pants at something I saw on the telly!” Owen pointed out, incredulous. “Something imaginary, on the other side of the screen where it could never harm me.”

“That’s what these movies are made to do, O.” Curt assured him.

“They’re meant to give people a quick fright.” Owen shook his head. “But... that terrified me. Genuinely scared me.”

“Well... we’ve got pasts.” Curt bit his lip. “We’ve seen stuff. We’ve been the victims of real jumpscares where we could have died. Maybe it reminds you of those. Maybe the lines blurred.”

“Curt, it wasn’t anything we’ve been through that scared me.” Owen softened, nearly whimpering, both scared and embarassed but also pleasing for Curt to listen. “It was that that creature was going to show up behind us and do the same, or... take you away. That poorly dressed, hokey monster that could not be any further from being real. I’m not just a coward. I’m a bloody idiot.”

“You’re not a coward, Owen. And you’re not an idiot. Everyone’s brain is built a bit differently.” Curt soothed him. “You want to protect me... just like I want to protect you.”

“From something that could never hurt us either way.” Owen pointed out.

“Sometimes that doesn’t matter to the mind.” Curt sighed. “I don’t know if this happens to you when you read all your books, but sometimes someone will tell me a story and I get so invested in it that I’ll feel like I’ve lived through it myself.”

“I know what you mean...” Owen nodded.

“Well... maybe this movie did the same thing for you.” Curt reasoned.

“I... suppose.” Owen blinked, realizing Curt made a lot of sense.

“Just like you feel things when you read... you’re feeling things watching this.” Curt sighed.

“Right...” Owen nodded, letting that sink in.

“You think you can take a few breaths with me, O?” Curt soothed. Owen nodded, following Curt through a few deep breaths until he had stopped shaking and his grip on Curt’s hands had lightened. Once Curt was satisfied, he got up and changed the channel. I Love Lucy was on. He smirked, sitting back down on the couch. For once, he was the one pulling Owen close to cuddle. “We’re going to watch this channel for the rest of the night, okay? I think it’s got some of the good family shows on it.”

“Are you sure?” Owen checked. “I can go lay down. I know you really wanted to watch this film.”

“Yeah, but... not as much as I want to spend time with my handsome British boyfriend.” Curt teased.

“I love you.” Owen sighed, resting his head on Curt’s chest.

“I know.” Curt winked playfully, running a hand through Curt’s hair. “Hey, if you’re ever uncomfortable with what I want to do... just tell me, okay? No judgement.”

“Alright.” Owen nodded.

And so they spent the rest of the night in each other’s arms. Eventually they did switch and Owen was back to holding Curt. He found immense comfort in that- and that Curt didn’t judge him. It was lovely to be totally and utterly enamoured with someone. And that was what he was with Curt- what he was certain they both were. He didn’t focus on the telly (though it did give him a few laughs- that Lucy was always getting into trouble). Instead, he focused on Curt’s hands running though his hair, or the little kisses he was being adornerd with. In other words, he chose to focus on how much he was loved. And that put him in an entirely better place. There was, at least, one thing they could take away from the whole fiasco: no more horror movie nights. They had enough horrors in their own life without needing to worry about anything on the tv.

#tw: swearing #tw: panic attack #tw: implied ptsd #tw: anxiety #tw: triggers #spies are forever #saf #curt mega #agent curt mega #owen carvour #agent owen carvour #joey richter #curtwen #gay #lgtbtq #oneshot #tin can bros #tcb #tin can bros fanfiction

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littlebaht · 3 years

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Hello! This is my first post, and before you read the actual story here's some brief clarification. This story is my dream, and "---" stands in for my name I can't hear.

Ps @mangospams I hope you enjoy 🥺🥺 from your🖋️🦇 anon

A group of wayward heroes rush across a field to get to a tower, fighting countless foes as they go. At the top is a friend of theirs, for one it's a lover. The friend is chained at the top of the tower, head up towards the dreary, stormy sky, tears rolling down her cheeks softly, but she refuses to let any sound of weakness out. Ominous chanting surrounds her, a ritual being performed to summon an ancient being of great power.

The group gets closer to the tower, growing more desperate as time slowly slips away from them. They all know they won't make it in time, but they can't bring themselves to not even try. "HOLD ON, I SWEAR I'M COMING FOR YOU!" her lover cries up towards the looming tower, doing his best to keep the hope burning in her soul. A soft smile graces her features as she whispers. "I know you are."

The chanting suddenly stops and the entire world temporarily loses any sound as the rain drops stall in the air. Then the loud crack of lightning that strikes her is all that is heard, her last words leaving her faded and breathless. "I love you..." She then screams in pain as her body burns under the harsh electricity of the lightning, her body morphing with the energy to transform into a more suitable body for the being to come. Though inside of her soul it is quiet, she can feel her grasp upon the world fading as she sinks into a dark abyss.

Within her soul she is greeted by an imposing form, shrouded in shadows that move like smoke off of his body. "Who are you?" She asks, hearing her voice echo in the empty space. "I am———" I introduce myself in such a soft tone despite my voice being deep and intimidating. "Oh, so you're the one that they want." I can see the sadness in her eyes, and I can't help but feel guilty. "Sadly I am, I take it you did not wish for your body to be my new vessel?" She shakes her head as she curls in on her self, a last ditch effort to comfort herself. "I am sorry... I regrettably do not have any control over this, but is there anything you wish for me to do when I awaken? " She looks up at me, my blank white eyes oddly genuine in my mourning of her situation. " Protect the people I love for me, they're sadly fools that will try and avenge me by themselves." She laughs, but it's hollow and tears pour down her face as the sound soon turns into sobs.

And as the last bit of her soul fades from existence I can see her entire life flash before my eyes, I can feel tears rolling down my own cheeks as I softly frown. Then I open my eyes and see the world around me. Humans in deep red robes rejoicing around me, some cackling like madmen. I keep my expression devoid of any emotion as I pull myself up from the ground where I presume the girl had fallen over when she was struck with lightning. It's then that the group makes it to the top of the tower, I can see the face of the man she loved drop with defeat. He was too late to save her.

I brush myself off as I explore my new vessel temporarily, my upper half of my face is pitch black, looking like it was dusted with ash yet the rest of my skin is an almond brown, my eyes still a blank white with a soft glow to them, my ears black and shaped like thin sharp dog ears. My slender and short frame slightly imposing, but the intimidating part was the black whip like tail that lashed out behind me angrily. I glance over at the robed humans, they look startled to see the group of heroes, who all look royally pissed off. "——— I COMMAND YOU TO KILL THEM!" shouts one of the robed humans in such a cocky tone. "Command?" I briefly pause as I practically scowl. "You command me?" I cock my head to the side and narrow my eyes further. My tail splits into seven more thin whips before extending out at a rapid speed, piercing the skulls of the robed humans.

The slick sound of brain matter squishing out regrettably entering everyone's ears, before I pull my tails back to myself, letting the bodies drop with a dull thud. The heroes flinch back at such a swift attack and stare with brief horror before gearing up to fight me. "Well, this is a problem if they can't control you, then what do you plan on doing?" One of them asks, the lover just staring angrily at my form, the form of his once beloved woman now looking nothing like it once did. "I plan on keeping the promise I made to her."

I say blankly as I walk forward with no fear and no hostility. Walking straight past the group of heroes and looking over the edge of the tower, staring down at the thousands of robed humans and beasts that form an army. "And... What promise is that, and to who?" The man from before asks another question. I briefly look back at the group with a sullen smile." The woman who's body I stole, I promised her I'd protect you all." I see her lover flinch and cry at his words " of course she fucking did." He sobs out angrily.

With that I jump off the tower, falling down several feet and fast. Collecting the residual energy from my summoning between my hands, my whole body buzzing to life and giving off a yellowish glow before I release it upon the army beneath me with no remorse. I land with a heavy thud upon the scorched ground and look out at the remaining soldiers and releasing a pained, intimidating roar while bearing my fangs. I see the look of realization in their eyes as they figure out that I am not the god they were hoping for, I am not on their side. How dare they make me cause such suffering to a woman who had so much time left to live, who wished to see a life with her lover after this meaningless war.

Time passes and I'm left in a blood red field, corpses surrounding me. I pant heavily trying to catch my breath from the brutal massacre I had caused. My body buzzing in pain as my mortality starts to sink in. I feel tears slip from my eyes again, I truly didn't want this, I didn't want to be brought back, I had died for a reason. So why was I being punished, why didn't they stop my revival. I look to the sky and scream out "YOU BASTARDS I DIDN'T WANT THIS! WHY NOW? WHY THIS BODY? I WANTED TO BE EXILED YOU DAMN FOOLS!" I let my arms hang lazily from my sides and I keep my head tilted up and close my eyes. I just wanted to rest, was that really so much to ask for?

My tail hangs low in defeat as I hear the squelching of their footsteps come towards me. I recognize the scent of the heroes by now so I make no effort to move or to look at them. "If you didn't want this then bring her back." I hear her lovers pained voice and I shut my mouth to keep from growling in frustration. "I would if I could, I don't particularly like having to walk this earth while having her memories stuck with me, a constant reminder that I stole this body from her."

I look over and see one of his companions holding his shoulder and shaking their head sadly. "maybe we can revive her?" I hear another companion say, her soft and timid voice trembling as she holds back tears. " It's not possible." I interrupt as I start to wipe off the blood and grime from my body and face. Damn, I had really gone overboard if I was drenched this badly, I thought. " Why not?" Her lover seethes out, his anger being misplaced upon me, but I can not blame him. "because her soul is part of the ritual to bring me here, once I entered her body my energy destroyed her soul to bind me to this plane." I eventually give up on trying to clean myself of the blood I was caked in and just shoved my hands in my pockets, I turn to walk away, wanting to find a way to go back to my peaceful exile. "And where are you going?" I hear the calm tone of the lovers companion, his voice sullen, but kind towards me. "Away." That is all I say as I leave the group and the blood-soaked field.

#dreams #vivid dreams #deity #dream writing #fantasy #fantasy violence #self insert #sorta lol #past life #possibly

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mistaeq · 4 years

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Hol Horse: Not so Terrible

TW // killing is mentioned

I can't possibly know you're sad without doing something, @golden-narcissus :( this is the in-character interaction you had with Hol Horse on my blog, but rewritten into a smol fic and with a cute ending added !!

Where Hol Horse starts to realize his partner in crime is better than he thought.

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

"Hey... did you really mean everything you said, Hol Horse... about me?" The man looked at you, his eyes had never been more serious and you could tell. He had opened, told you he felt good around you and comfortable with you being the one he was teamed up with by Lord DIO. A pretty good sensation for you, really.

"Are you asking because I teamed up with a lot of different people?" he slightly smiled. You probably thought he told this shit to every person he met, or maybe tell white lies to every person he would have needed in the future. "I mean everything I said about you. Every single one." he paused for a second. "I know I care about being the said second one in a couple, because I admit I'm... not that courageous. But you never made me... you know, feel weak for it." Hol Horse lifted up his gaze towards you, an almost ashamed look in his eyes. Unusual. So unusual. "Listen, I know I flirt a lot and I tell many lies just because I would need to be helped in the future. But I'm not lying with you." The way his hands were figdeting with each other and his leg was bouncing told you he was being honest.

But at those words, you shook your head. "No, it... that's not it. I just haven't been told anything like that before." you swallowed, remembering your not so relaxing past. "I've come from so far away in order to serve Lord Dio... I am just glad someone appreciates my work like you do." your eyes ran over his hands, up his muscular - probably warm in hugs - arms and finally in his own gaze. "You're very strong, Hol Horse, and your stand is quite powerful... I am honored that you accepted to work with a weak stand like mine..." you rambled, biting your lip when you realized you probably had started talking too much again, forgetting your main task. "Shit... sorry, I'm just going on... we should be focusing on beating the Joestars."

But if you're pleasantly surprised by his kind words, well, Hol Horse was pleasantly shocked by yours, as well. The cowboy was literally speechless "Me? Very strong and... powerful?? Well... a lot of cute girls I lied to on my road told me so, not knowing me well. I didn't really care about them." he confessed, maybe implying he cared more about your opinion? You thought. "But hearing it from someone I work with... makes me feel respected and stuff... I don't want you to be my second, though. In our team we'll be right on the same level for me, if you're fine with it, of course." he rested his arm around your shoulders, as if it was the most natural thing to do. And you couldn't tell if he was trying to purposely flirt or if he was just like that. You liked him anyway. "Come here." He invited. "We can relax a bit. The Joestars can't be everywhere, and we know they're not here right now. Some fellow stand user like us is probably taking good care of them." he genuinely chuckles, his free hand on his mouth.

Your heart soared to the Moon at his words, and you smiled like an idiot when he draped a strong arm over your smaller - compared to his - shoulders. "Yeah, you're right... maybe this time will be different, and we won't have to kill anyone?" you asked, honestly waiting and hoping for an affirmative response. "I'll confess... I don't do well under pressure... or around a ton of blood..." you looked up at him, with a slight tilt of your head, as if you were about to ask a question. You actually did. "So.. your stand, Emperor, shoots... so if the circumstances aren't in our favour... I distract them and you kill them? This is it?" He nodded in response.

"Yes... this might be it, if we manage to create a good plan." the hand of his resting on your shoulder - because of his arm around you - suddenly started caressing your shoulder with its thumb. That small touch was so adorable and loving. So unusual, from Hol Horse. "Can I ask you how did someone so pure and sweet like you end up in Lord DIO's hands? If you feel okay with telling me about it, I mean." the cowboy asked, as his brown, curious eyes met yours.

At his question, you suddenly remembered things and feelings that made you need warmth. You leaned into Hol Horse's touch, feeling safe enough with him to do so. Your eyes drifted from his after he exposed his curiosity, and you let out a sigh. "The life I was born into just wasn't something for me..." you started in a low, serious voice. "I got picked on as a child for just about anything i did. I wanted to begin a new life in Egypt... and i met our Lord DIO..." you smiled, just a little. It brought you into terrible situation, but remembering the first time somebody had finally comprehended your messy mind always gave you a little happiness. "He understood my pain, and took me under his wing, introducing me to a group of people I learnt to call my friends..." your eyes darkened. "They are terrible people. I was too naive... you too saved me, Hol Horse." his jaw fell. His heart started beating faster, without a... true reason.

"I... you don't find me terrible, too?" Hol Horse istinctively held you even closer, like a reflex. You looked like you were comfortable with him, so he tried to freely give you his affection. You couldn't deny your heart skipped a beat, too. "I don't think I'm really admired, among our... fellow stand users in DIO's hands. But hey." a finger of his patted on your soft shoulder for you to look at him. "If you don't like them, you don't have to emotionally lean on them to be understood." the cowboy withdrew his arm from your shoulders, and started fidgeting with his hands, trying not to think to the blush that was probably gonna form on his cheeks. "What I mean is... if you need someone to listen to you... you don't need Lord DIO, or other people working for him. I am right here. I mean I do work for him too, but... I'm me. And you're you." he started to stumble on his own thoughts. "Oh, fuck it, I don't expect you to understand what I mean... I'm a mess." he gave up. But the sound of you chuckling brought him back.

"Of course I don't think you're terrible, Hol!" you immediately answered. "You have been very sweet ever since we met... and I genuinely thank you for that." you finally looked up at him when he prompted you with his thumb's sweet touch on your shoulder. "Hmm... thank you for supporting me..." you mumbled, your voice's volume a little lower. "You're one of the only people who have truly learnt to understand me, and i admire you very much, for this."

The cowboy immediately reacted to your confessions, stuttering but managing to pour his heart out properly. "Well, I... I admire you for being able to bear with my behavior, I'm not so easy to handle, and you've never made me feel wrong, I mean..." without a precise reason, it seemed like Hol Horse was nervous. His hands were shaking and sweating, and he took off his hat, totally revealing his fluffy blond hair. "Also... don't underestimate your stand, it can be really useful, plus... when it lets its cry out I find it so... cute." he admitted, now avoiding your gaze. Shy Hol Horse? Not a common thing. You must have been really special. But you had noticed it, and took advantage of it when you leaned towards him and sweetly kissed his cheek.

"Thank you, Hol. This really means a lot to me." you smiled, probably furiously blushing as much as him, just before standing up and grabbing his hand, to pull him towards his horse. "Do we get to have a little fun and go around with your baby here, in the meantime? I see no scary Joestars, around." you giggled, exaggerating the scary in a mocking - towards DIO - tone. Hol Horse laughed too, suddenly picking you up and sitting you on the saddle.

"Every wish of yours is an order, your sweet majesty." he giggled, finally sitting right in front of you. Then, the cowboy whispered. "You better hold onto me, this is gonna be wild." Hol Horse kicked with his heel, the horse rearing up before starting to gallop. "Yee-haw!" he screamed, making you giggle and gasp a little when you held onto his torso when the horse reared up. And so you went, on your own bizarre adventure. Was there love? Yes.

Just give them time.

#jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo part three #stardust crusaders #hol horse #hol horse x reader #jojo oneshot #jojo fic

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yunhostinyuyu · 4 years

Text

broken and fixed - part 02

pairing: roommate!doyoung vs friend!taeil x original female character (ft. haechan & taeyong)

genre: roommate!au, work!au, social media!au-ish, fluff, angst, eventual smut

wc: 1.4k

synopsis: kang haneul is desperately looking for a way out of her home. as one of her best friends suggests a friend who is currently looking for a new roommate, a new and better chapter in her life begins. or so she thought...

warning: suggestive, mentions of abuse, panic attack, weed (for medical reasons)

“With that being said, are you ready to move in next week?” Haneul found herself in the apartment of the said stranger. No wait, scrap that - a handsome stranger. His jet black hair was parted down in the middle, his bangs covering most of his forehead. Dark brown eyes shining through below his strands of hair. His face is very slim and he has a narrow nose and plump lips, giving him almost bunny like features. In comparison to Haneul’s ripped jeans and plain black shirt and messy braid to keep her hair out of her face, he looked like a model. Broad shoulders dressed in a plain white button up and grey pants. She felt underdressed to say the least, now wishing she put in a little more effort into her appearance. But now it was a little to late for that.

Doyoung showed her the apartment as soon as they stepped into his home. She was pleasantly surprised by everything, but most of all by him. He seemed so calm, friendly and nice, she really could not believe now she got so lucky. Everything has started falling into place, and despite the fact she didn't even sign the for yet, she was so happy. Donghyuck really found something good for her.

Before she get lost in her own thoughts, Haneul nodded and looked into his eyes: "Yes! I mean... yes. That’s absolutely possible and perfect and...” she stops as she realizes how stupid she just sounded. A pink blush creeped up her neck and cheeks as she muttered a almost inaudible “sorry.” But Doyoung didn’t seem to mind her blabbering. He turned his back to her as he reached for a folder full of documents and such, purposely pulling the first sheet out of its envelope.

“Just fill in the important stuff, I’ll add the rest later and send a copy to my landlord. Well, actually our landlord now.” he explained and sends a gentle smile her way. Quickly scrabbling down her personal information and her giant signature, she clicked the pen shut and slid the paper towards his side of the table. After he added his signature aswell, he stood up, and Haneul mimicked his movements, already getting ready ready to leave. “Thank you for this. I guess I’ll see you soon?” she spoke as she threw her bag across her shoulder.

“Actually, would you mind, uhm, staying a little? See, as I really don’t know anything about you other than you’re a friend of Donghyuck. To be frank, I just want to know what I’m getting myself into.” Doyoung stumbled across his own words a little, probably hoping they don’t come across the wrong way.

Haneul chuckled, still not sure if she should stay or go. And in addition to that, she wasn’t sure what to make of his statement, but a sarcastic response quickly shoot out of her mouth:

“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think? I already signed the form.”

“Well, as far as I’m concerned you know just as little about me as I do about you. You can ask me anything you want, too? Over coffee?” the tall man suggested. With that, Haneul just sighed, smiled and followed him into his kitchen. The brewing of the coffee machine and the aroma of the beans filling the air. As he handed her a cup filled with the hot beverage she started to fiddle with it and unintentionally warmed her palms and fingers.

“How come you were searching for a roommate so urgently? This place seems so pretty...” Haneul started the conversation, in hopes to make the whole thing less tensed. But when he sat down right across from her, his cup in front of him, almost mirroring her position, Haneul already feels a little calmer about the whole situation.

“My former roommate, Taeyong moved out with his new girlfriend pretty fast, so in order to stay here I had to find a, uhm... let’s say backup? No that sounds bad... replacement? Anyways, I just can’t afford the place on my own. That’s why.” He explained, trying not to sound offensive or anything, but all Haneul could do was smile back at him. “I get it. It can be super tough finding affordable housing in this side of town.” She replied, trying to make a connection with her soon to be living companion.

“So, how do you know Hyuck?” Doyoung was quick to ask the next question.

“We are friends. And coworkers. And... well, we tend to go out together sometimes.”

“Go out as in...?” He raised his eyebrows in confusion.

“No! No not like that. Hyuck is like the little brother I never had... Go out as in, going to clubs and partying a bit.” Haneul was quick to rephrase her explanation in order to display her and Donghyucks relationship the right way. But also trying to make it seem like she wasn’t as crazy with partying as she actually was. She knew it could come off the wrong way to new people, so she tried her best to make it sound casual. “How do you know him?” She pushed the question back to him, before remembering thier awkward history. Well not quite, but at least a little-

“Mutual friends. Parties and such, he’s a funny guy. Always ready for anything. But I gotta say, didn’t take you as the kind to go to clubs with Donghyuck, knowing just how hard he can party...” his eyes met hers for a moment, before Haneul suddenly stared into the dark brown liquid inside her coffee cup. There goes her plan to seem normal, to seem casual, to seem grounded. Although for some reason, she didn’t mind it too much. If Doyoung would already know if her genuine traits and personality before they started living together.

“Never judge a book by its cover.” Was the only response she could think of, without sounding either proud or ashamed.

“So this could be a problem.” Doyoungs face turned serious for a short moment, “I don’t really... appreciate, let’s say it like that, - I don’t appreciate having random guys in the apartment.”

Haneul’s face quickly turned bright red at his assumption about her.

“No! You got me completely wrong. I’m, uh - I really am not that kind of girl. Bringing guys over isn’t my thing. Or a guy as in singular. Or even going to someone’s house. Nothing casual. Also nothing serious going on either so there will be no person coming over at all.” She spat all the unnecessary information out in hopes of saving her image. It wasn’t like she was lying, actually it was the truth. Even if Donghyuck constantly got layed after thier nightly escapades, Haneul would always go home, or if her friend wasn’t occupied, sleep over at his place. And despite her turning twenty-two in a matter of weeks, she was still a virgin. Hard to believe, yes. But it’s the truth nonetheless, never intending on sharing this information with anyone. “God, that was way over the top, I’m sorry for blabbering.”

“It’s okay. So, would you mind telling me about why you were searching for a new place?” He changed the subject, but Haneul’s level of uncomfort steadily rose. If he noticed her hastily breaths, he choose not to comment on it, realising he might have stepped into a touchy subject, without meaning to, of course.

“Basically, I don’t have a good relationship with my parents. So for me to stay sane, I decided to leave and find another place.” She told him in the most neutral way ever, and Doyoung’s weak smile made her feel better about the whole thing. She was able to do just that. Work on her trauma, get on with her life, and this was the start of it. Her road to fixing herself back into a one piece. And become a better version if herself in the process.

“I’m really sorry to hear this.” the tall boy gently reached for her forearm, placing his warm hands and lithe fingers on the material of her sleeve. “Consider this place your home from now on. Your safe space.”

—

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doctorgerth · 5 years

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Hey Doc! Here's the thing: ever since I was a child I got the idea implanted in my head that crying equals weakness. I was always ashamed when I cried and thought I didn't derserve any attention or affection for being so "weak" around others. Now as an adult it's still hard for me to let go when I'm sad, I always need a heavy trigger and even then most of the time I suppress it. How would Ace, Law and Kid react to such behaviour from their s/o? Thanks in advance, have a lovely day 😊

Hi, lovely anon! First and foremost, I just want to say I am so happy that you feel comfortable enough to tell me about this struggle. I wish I could hug you and tell you that is normal and healthy to cry! Your crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it’s you expressing human emotion and it’s a beautiful thing. Never bottle things up, it only leads to explosion, and your loved ones don’t want to see you go through that and you shouldn’t put yourself through that! I hope you continue to grow stronger and braver in your expression of emotions. You deserve all the affection and comfort. If you ever need anything, please never hesitate to message me!

With that being said, I hope you enjoy how your request turned out! x

HCs Ace, Law, Kid with Suppressible S/O (Angst)

Ace

“It’s okay to not be okay sometimes.”

- Ace is one to suppress sadness as well, so he can relate to your ordeal. But, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t break his heart. He feels completely safe to be emotionally vulnerable around you, why don’t you feel the same way?

- He always wants to be there to comfort you when you’re sad, but he never sees that side of you. You’ve seen him break down and cry a few times, why hasn’t he seen you do that? You two have gone through a lot of shit together. A lot of deaths, fights, and just emotionally draining events, but he has never once seen a single tear from you. Why?

- He ponders on this for far too long, becoming increasingly sad watching you interact happily with others. What if you’ve just been masking your sadness all this time, like him? What if you suffer from the same existential anxiety that he does? Watching you for so long really helps him to learn about himself and his own emotions.

- It’s very subtle, but Ace knows the look better than anyone. He notices when your smile slowly drops and your eyes just deadpan, like you’re subconsciously going somewhere else, like you want to be anywhere but here. He can see the anxiousness from you as you look around scanning at all the people around you. This is when you typically see if anyone is paying attention to you desperately seeking solace in solitude. He’ll look away quickly, pretending as if he doesn’t know what your next plan is. You’ll sneak away to lock yourself in your room. Ace shamelessly follows and will just stand outside your door, waiting. Sometimes, he’ll put an ear to the door, hoping to hear something, anything.

- All you ever offer is silence though, and Ace simply can’t stand it. He knows you’re crying in there. Why are you holding back? There comes a day when he decides enough is enough, he is going to help you. So when you’re locked in your room one day, you hear a light knock on the door.

- Ace simply responds with walking in, closing the door behind him, and taking you into his arms, offering the utmost comforting and loving embraces. He’s spent months trying to figure out just what to say to you, just how to make you feel safe with him, “I know you’ve been hiding your sadness. And we both know I’m the world’s worst about doing that too, but god, I can’t stand seeing you do it. I just want to tell you, and I guess myself, it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. No one here expects you to be strong all the time, especially me. Whatever is making you feel so sad, we can overcome it, together. Just let go, I’m here.”

- When you explain to him your past and your personal views on crying, he can’t help but break down right there. You remind him so much of him and it absolutely kills him. He tells you over and over again how strong you are and how he’ll make sure you never feel so helpless ever again. You spend the rest of the night just crying and being vulnerable together. Ace will continue to give you your space when desired, but he always offers you his shoulder when you just need to cry.

Law

“You don’t have to hide anything around me.”

- Law is the king of suppression. Like Ace and you, he definitely prefers to hide his sadness. Law doesn’t like to look weak in front of enemies and potential threats, sure, but what gets him most is looking weak and vulnerable in front of his crew. He’s their captain and is meant to protect and fight for them; he can’t look weak even for a second or they’ll stop believing in him. It breaks his heart to see the look of concern and worry from those he loves. He feels safe and emotionally open around his crew, but he can’t stand when they worry about him.

- Which, of course goes the same for you. But he would never expect you to hide your emotions from him. He’s had multiple instances with his crew mates crying to him/around him, but he’s never once had to comfort you. He understands your facial expressions and mannerisms better than anyone else. He can just feel when you’re sad, but he never actually sees it. Which is how you have fooled the crew time and time again, but not him.

- When a particularly tragic event occurs, and he sees not even a single tear roll down your face, he is immediately concerned. He studies you from afar, waiting for you to crack, but you remain as stoic as ever. The only significant difference being the way you avert your eyes when someone meets yours. To anyone, your smile looks genuine, happy, reassuring, but he can see right through that. He can feel the emotional energy draining from you as you walk past him straight to your room.

- He is always respectful of your privacy, but the curiosity of just what you’re doing in there all alone eats away at him every single time. Why can’t you come cry in his office like everyone else? Why don’t you ask him to hold you or to tell you everything will be okay? Is he doing something wrong? Is there a reason you never seek solace in him?

- All he wants to do is talk to you. Just let him in, that’s all he asks. He’s never wanted to console anyone, not even himself, more than he wants to console you. He can feel your pain and how bad you want to release it. Why are you shutting him out?

- Law waits and waits for you to open the door. When you finally do, he merely slides his way in, simply looking over you. Searching for any evidence of crying. You offer him nothing as you always make sure to rid yourself of any trace of weakness before meeting the eyes of your lover and crew again. He reaches for your hand, and the way you retract out of instinct so quickly, he can’t help but ask every question he’s been dying to know the answer to. When you tell him how you feel about crying, and how you don’t deserve to be comforted for being so weak, he simply takes your face in his hands, “Crying doesn’t equal weakness, it just means you’re human. It’s perfectly normal and absolutely healthy to cry when you need to. You’re one of the strongest people I know, because you never have to pretend to be. I might not ever express myself clearly around you, but I never hide anything from you. Therefore, you don’t have to hide anything around me. You can always come to me for comfort. Don’t you ever force yourself to go through things alone again. I’m here, I’m always here.”

- Law makes it a point to check on you, from afar of course, at least once everyday. He’s a little unsettled, scared you might be holding back from him again. But, he’s a patient man, and he’s done what he could do to show you he is your support system. Seeing your genuine smile really made him feel at ease, as he hadn’t seen that true smile in a long time.

Kid

“You’re allowed to feel weak.”

- Kid is the type that when he feels an emotion, he feels it to the extreme. When he is happy, he’s really happy, when he’s angry, he’s really angry, when he’s sad, he’s really sad.

- So learning that you suppress your sadness doesn’t really register to him? He’s an open book, always expressing his emotions freely, no matter the consequence. If a tough guy like Kid, the future Pirate King himself, can openly cry, surely you should feel the same freedom?

- Seeing you lock yourself in your room time and time again after a rough day, a tragedy, a death, whatever, he just assumes you need your space. That’s okay, Kid can respect that. But it’s the way you always walk out of that room after hours of isolation, pretending like everything is okay, as if you were never upset that really worries him.

- Kid can be an observant guy, especially with his partner. He takes notice of your patterns and habits regarding your emotions. He sees you express everything so clearly, so defined, and then he finally realizes he’s never seen you cry. He can’t explain why, but that really bothers him after all the time you have spent together. It’s not that he wants to see you cry, he’s just concerned that you can’t?

- He will of course approach you about this during one of your shut in times. He’ll bust through the door, disregarding your demand for privacy, and when he finally sees those tears on your cheeks, the contortion of your face, the broken, helpless look in your eyes…he breaks down. He pulls you to him, simply out of instinct, trying his best to comfort you; anything to make the tears stop. You scrambling, begging for him to leave you alone and to let you go really upsets him.

- When you tell him about your past, getting the idea implanted in your head that crying equals weakness, he just scoffs at you, but now he finally understands, “You can’t be strong all the time, stupid. You’re allowed to feel weak as long as you have the courage to become stronger, like me! Even in your moments of weakness, you’re still the fierce, courageous woman I fell in love with. No matter how much you cry, that will never change. Now get your ass up and let me hold you, dammit. I’m here to comfort you.”

- Kid is oddly patient with you, realizing it will take time before you can openly cry in front of him. He’s completely content if he’s the only one who ever gets to see you cry. He just knows better than anyone that holding in your emotions makes you explode, and he doesn’t want that to ever happen to you. He truly tries in your relationship (he wouldn’t be wasting his time if he wasn’t dedicated) so making you feel secure in your emotions is a top priority. He’ll cry with you if you ask him to. And he will absolutely obliterate anyone who says anything negative about you crying, crew member or not.

#doctorgerth #doc writes #one piece #hcs #anon #portgas d ace #ace x reader #trafalgar law #law x reader #eustass kid #kid x reader #gn!reader #angst #it's ok to not be ok #you're allowed to feel weak #please reach out!#ily anon #have a lovely night!#hope you enjoyed

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survivor-halsingland · 3 years

Text

Ep. 1: "There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance." - Amy

Amy

Initial reaction of cast reveal: I’m toast But for real this can go a couple of ways for me, none of which have me seeing myself make merge lol. I’m either going to be a very early boot here or be nice and active enough to solidify a place for a while. Lots of familiar and unfamiliar faces. Hopefully the people familiar with me won’t want to immediately vote me out. I have already mentioned to Derrick that I played with DeNara before, so hopefully we can bond over that and it not be used against me. I have explicitly asked Jared to not exclusively lie to me this go haha but we both said we were more playing for the other half of our duos and just agreed to do it. I was excited to see Blue on my tribe and I also know Leanne, and have already had a good chat with Klied - but his name does have “lie” in it 👀. Honestly I want to do a quick portion of divide and conquer, I planned on chilling in a pool tomorrow and going to drag bingo with Ava. But no one has solidly chosen anything so they are really about to force me to be tribe leader and sort this out. Things I look forward to: vibes, chatting with cool people, meeting people, twists, and drama Things I will not be doing: sitting on hours and hours of video calls. Not my style. But I know several people in this game love it. Let the good times roll y’all

Kenneth

HERE WE GO AGAIN! i'm fresh off of ingary, but jay has magic powers and pulled me in to another season of a potential clown fiesta <3 but seriously, this already seems a lot more enticing and spicy because of the theme in itself and how the challenges and idol hunt are structured so i am very excited to play :) i learned a lot about my last game and i will improve on it (hopefully) by taking more risks and plays that WILL be appreciated by the jury, and not be overly attached to people, which would result to tunnel vision. the first challenges are already pretty great, and i cannot wait to play this game. TO WIN! hehe >:)destiny i’m super confused about a lot of stuff tbh but everyone on my tribe is so nice and welcoming and i’m sure i’ll get the hang of it all soon :) i’m excited to be playing and just hoping i don’t screw things up for my tribe :/

AmyThis tribe is exhausting. Challenges where I need to send a photo back quickly really hate me. My phone took like a minute to actually send the photo, but Waldo went well. Except I started in the bottom right looking with vertical transects and Waldo was hiding in the bottom left 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Woulda been 30 seconds had I started over there. But I’m already expecting tribal so I’m just hoping I wasn’t the worst portion of our challenges haha!

Leanne

Not very much to share so far. Some people on this tribe are much bigger talkers than others, Jared, Derrick, Klied, and Amy. It’s been harder to get Convo from Jesse and Blue, and I’ve barely heard from Josh or Aubree. I wonder if other people have had the same experience. Haven’t dared try game talk with anyone yet. Hoping I’m not behind, but it’s only day 2 right? Maybe I’ll try to put some feelers out with Amy. Maybe I’ll tell her about some things in the idol hunt and see if she’ll give me anything in return, maybe try to get a partnership going. I’m glad she’s on my tribe, but also a little bit scared because I’ve seen exactly how good she is. Aside from that, the person I feel best about right now is Derrick. We’ve had some good chats and seem to connect well. Hope he feels the same way. And Moth. I’m especially nervous about them. When we played before we didn’t exactly hit it off, but I think we’re both… trying. I hope we can have a new start this time, a new story. And from what I know of them they are a very loyal allies so, here’s hoping. Also happy to see Sarah here, and my yinzer JG. Maybe he and my dad can bond over that? And that’s all I’ve got so far. God I hope I did enough in the challenge today. *whines* I don’t wanna go to tribal first!

Jared

Don't mind me making a confessional before the game even starts, call me a game changer. https://youtu.be/JFOxzamkcH8

Jared

Not one, but two, confessionals before the game even begins. Sorry not sorry! https://youtu.be/SETx-0LoI9E

Shawn

Well, things are going good so far! I think anyway. Although I like everyone on my team, I do have to say it's odd playing with someone whose older than my father is, Frank. Usually I like to take charge in games like this, I like to be the leader. Yet, with Frank, it's difficult because he's so much older, I feel like I'm a little kid around him. I don't wanna tell him what to do, because I don't wanna be disrespectful? I'm so excited so far though, absolutely loving the challenge and how we get to pick! Im not that bright so I'm happy I can do creative stuff.

Aubree

This is my first BvW confession! Idk about the other tribe, but the Mysa Tribe is super chill. Most of the conversations yesterday consisted of everyone saying hi and that they were busy and would be active later. Day 2 and the activity level is still the same, which is kind of a relief since I am much more of an introvert. I have been trying to be the first to reach out to people since I feel that is something I have struggled with in past ORGs I’ve played in. I’m usually the reserved/silently-strategic player, but I’m going to try and be more proactive for this game. Ive talked to Klied, Jared, Amy and Leanne a decent amount and have enjoyed our conversations. I know of Amy due to the games she has played with Sarah, so I am hoping that works in my favor. Amy did say that Sarah voted her out in the first game they played in, so that could work one of two ways for my game… like if it came down to a vote between me or Sarah later on?? but maybe it is too soon to think that far ahead? Lol Even though I’m an Art Teacher I chose to steer away from the Creative part to our first challenge. Tbh I’m so burnt out irl when it comes to being creative due to my job, so I’m okay with taking a step back from the creative challenges for now. I’ve enjoyed being a part of the Scavenger Hunt, even though it was a bit harder than expected. I was so stoked to have a Starry Night print, but since it wasn’t real it didn’t count… Like who the heck has a REAL VAN GOGH?? (Or quick access to one) LOL As much as I would LOVEEE to have an original painting, that teacher salary-bracket doesn’t allow for that!! Lol I haven’t had anyone directly ask to me to be in an alliance with them… so that is - interesting? I’m used to the last two games I played where it felt like everything was very paced. Now, It’s either A) everyone is just chillin’ and not wanting to rush things or B) bonds HAVE already started to form but I’m not a part of them? I guess things will spend up more after the first challenge is over and we see where our strengths and weaknesses are in the tribe. Until then! - Aubree

Moth

Hi!! I’m back again and playing with someone I know. I actually happen to be on call with Destiny as I type this but like- were vibing And also once again I’m starting off on the wrong foot, not at home when the game starts.

Moth

I don’t trust Jared Straight up And I feel like that’s fair- Twice I’ve been voted out for my connections to Kyoshi island and it’s really fucking frustrating- Jared apologized and sounded sincere but idk I trust people too easily.. Brayden, Denara, and Leanne are also all in this game All people I’ve played with Leanne I don’t trust right off the bat. I tried that before but like- that didn’t work for me. I just want to at least make it to the merge

Frank

Having fun, learning as I get going. Truly impressed by the comraderi among people whom I've never met. Old dogs, new tricks, this is cool.

Klied

The game is going pretty well so far! Everyone has been really nice and supportive of one another. I hope this tribe dynamic continues for the next rounds of the game! :>

Moth

I fucked it up I genuinely feel really bad because everyone’s so confident in me- And I’m totally going to be a target now

Moth

Ohhhhh thank god Thank god because I was absolutely going to be on the chopping block if we lost I don’t want to be first out That being said

I don’t want Destiny to be first out either

Shawn

I'm not very happy tonight with how things went. I truly believe the other team deserved the win, the video was creative and a lot of effort was put into it! I think it was a great thing. But I disappointed that we lost so many of the challenges. I'm also getting annoyed that people are being present on the chat. I feel like it's me and another tribe member that is putting in all the work. Not impressed, but whatever. I just really hope I don't get voted off tomorrow.

Kenneth

welp i bombed the where's waldo challenge and my team lost by a hair in the riddles challenge because of an advantage so rip. i really hope i don't get voted off first because i severely underperformed in the challenge akjdnsajkndkjsnd i'd be really disappointed in myself :/

Amy

Shocked. Absolutely shocked we aren't headed to tribal lol. And here I thought my 4 minutes on Waldo was too slow but it was enough. Honestly we are lucky Blue's quit disadvantage was only what it was bc they quit after 30 minutes apparently. All these advantages at play! And I'm sitting here with a disadvantage. I think I'm clearly doing the idol hunt wrong 😆 all I have is a disadvantage from poison feast food and a chipmunk named Wadsworth in my pocket. Based on how little anyone is speaking I was certain we'd be going to tribal hands down no question. So I am very, very happy we avoided it in the end. I think it would have been between Jessie and Josh though bc they aren't active. I would have voted Jessie bc Josh did the video even after saying he didn't actually want to do the creative part so that's major props to him in my book! I am very curious as to who the other tribe is going to vote off in the end. I hope it's no one I want to make it far. Oh basically I know I'm probably not making merge so I'm trying to align things to get certain people farther and get other people out. I'm rooting for a newbie to take it. Anyway woo day off and I won't be first boot. Fingers crossed it's not Ava. I wouldn't be surprised if she was targeted for her association with me. Love this game! Love this cast! Love the idol hunt! The reward challenge was the most fun bc Ava and I were incredibly intoxicated after Drag Bingo and we did better each time! The last one we went "office" and "turnip" and literally bust out laughing and both said "Nate". I would like to personally apologize to Ellie for having to witness that nonsense. Thank you to everyone! Oh one last thing. I did not want to work with jared at all but it looks like I am going to be forced to do so. I think I have to put trust in Jared and in Leanne who has voted me out of two games prior 😆 but that's me always just bonding most with the people who are active and want to talk to me.

Amy

There's 100% going to be a Canada alliance.

Aubree

Who won the first challenge?? MYSA DID! Woot woot! Even though Jared, Jessie and I didn’t win the Scavenger Hunt portion after the advantages were added in - we did win as far as how many total objects were found, so I’m pretty proud about that! To top it off Sarah and I won the Reward Challenge!!!! We both get 3 stat points to add to our Idol Hunt… which I have yet to do… I should probably do that tomorrow O_o

Avat

hings are going well i think!!! i've had a lot of fun and i sorta vibe with everyone so far on the tribe. i'm really hyped and fingers crossed we do well. i've been sorta inactive with my challenge bc of work but i'm doing what i can for now. more to come soon

DeNara

Well this is my first confessional of the game and oh my is this going to be an interesting game. Initial impressions of my tribe...... Sarah +Jodi- frenemies because they are so good at survivor Frank- I really like him. He seems like a cool dude Kenneth- Seems cool, I may want to work with him, but he seems to be playing harder than he should so early Brayden- Didn't get the best first impression, but that could change Shawn- Super quiet, then they started chatting so that helped Ava, J.G., Destiny- Really inactive so I don't really know- potential first vote I want to work with Sarah, Frank and maybe Kenneth. Jodi would be good to work with although who knows what she is thinking. Everyone else I will stay open to working with, but really don't care too much as of yet.

DeNara

The first challenge was weird because everyone just took their roles and stopped talking. I HATE QUIET. Period. The creative challenge on my tribe wasn't super creative imo, but they tried. I didn't help in the scavenger hunt as much as I wanted too so that sucks, but at least we won that part so that looks good. I am so excited for this idol hunt! It is amazing! Props to the hosts! WE LOST, DAMMIT. At least Derrick won't be the first boot. I hope I am not either or HE WILL NOT STOP BUGGING ME ABOUT IT AND I WILL DIE.

DeNara

Well it is chaos now. Shawn has made an alliance with Sarah, Kenneth, and myself. I like the safety of that. Jodi, Sarah and myself also made a Subrosa alliance (we all knew that would happen) and I feel like this will keep me safe for a while at least. Both Sarah and Jodi want to work with Brayden and potentially Kenneth so we may make an alliance of 5 with them- but that also means Sarah and I would have to talk to Kenneth about not telling Jodi about the other alliance and that could be very risky early on.... hmmm idk about that. Also, Frank is my dude. I hope he stays. I think I am going to lean towards J.G. or Destiny.

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQ

Kenneth

I am now in 2 alliances: one with denara, sarah, and shawn, and another one with ava and brayden! i feel good about both alliances, with the first one feeling solid and loyal (for now), and the second one for the long term! i feel very solid about sarah and denara, i feel like i can last long with them as my good allies. jodi's a tricky one, because i know she's a damn good player, but it's better to keep her on my side for now until an opportune time to make a move (and i actually really like talking to her!).

Jared

me: i'm gonna try to make this concise also me: 8 minutes on the very first episode where i'm not even going to tribal oh boy

Brayden

https://youtu.be/reALs2hizjk hey everyone I'm here

DeNara

So now I am in a bunch of alliances. I guided Kenneth to make an alliance chat with Sarah and me to tell us to keep our alliances with 1. Shawn and 2. Brayden and Jodi a secret. Insert evil laugh here lol. So all together right now I should have Sarah, Jodi, Kenneth, Brayden, Shawn and Frank backing me, so I shouldn't be first boot. It sounds like we are going for Destiny because they aren't very active, which was the name Kenneth threw out first so he is getting what he wants without upsetting me.

Ava

so so so bummed about going to tribal i thought we had it in the bag especially with our advantages but alas... i formed an alliance with brayden and kenneth which i'm super obsessed with i really like both of them - hopefully this means safety for tomorrow. i hate working two jobs and the week after next ill be working just one which is just so fucking sweet fingers crossed i can make it that long in this game. anyway that's all for now

Jodi

I'm so happy to be back. This time, I promise to play a chill Jodi game as I said in my intro, and I want to relax and enjoy this twist of a season. Jared and I are thrilled to play our second season together in the actual format of BvW, and we will be playing our own games. So far, I'm glad to have Denara, Sarah, Brayden on my tribe, as we all know each other but never played before (except Brayden). I want to keep an open mind and play fluidly. Kenneth told Brayden within 10 mins of the game starting that he was scared of me, but I hope I can gain the trust of people and not play as flashy as people remember me for. Looking forward to the connections I make!

Jodi

I promised y'all a chill Jodi game and here i am, delivering it. I think. DeNara and Sarah immediately made the "The Best of SubRosa" chat because obviously that was bound to happen, but additionally, the 3 of us are in an alliance with Brayden and Kenneth called "the clock" (because of our time zones ahahahaha). This game's dynamic is so different because even though we hate going to tribal, it also means that our loved ones are safe from tribal, which sometimes, could be better. I hope Jared is doing good on the other side. Obviously I trust Sarah and DeNara but I also know Sarah will cut my throat when it needs to happen, even if she gonna be crying while doing it, so I'll just...not be blinded by that. I trust Brayden 100%, Kenneth calling me scary is not great but I guess he rather be with me than against me, for now. Y'all Ingary kids what did you say about me??? LMAOO ♥️ I did ask him why he didn't cause ruckus at 5 and whip out the superidol and he said "tunnel vision". Hey that's two of us I guess!

Sarah

https://youtu.be/RzlLHyHZguQJessie So I’m still working on making like connections and stuff but we won the first challenge so no tribal which is a very good thing . ❤️ I’m enjoying this interactive scavenger hunt and I’m totally not trying to pull a Danni from Midsommar lol.

Brayden

hey guys im in a 5 person alliance rn with jodi sarah denara and kenneth and i feel pretty good and excited bc i think ill win this whole game but sadly destiny is prob leaving tonight <\3

Derrick

First challenge done. We rocked it! I don't really have any sort of alliance at this point but I seem to be getting along with everyone. Josh didn't seem to put too much effort into our creative set up but it still worked out OK. It was unfortunate I was on my trip at the time as I could have done so much more with. I think as long as we support eachother we can rock every challenge that comes our way!joshIM SOO HAPPY WE WON! our tribe seems to be like friendly but i havent made any alliances i think so idk if im in a good spot if we lose a challenge but we didnt this time so🙃ShawnEveryone in the tribe is messaging about Destiny, and that is who everyone is thinking of voting off. I'm still thinking of voting Frank off, and I think that's who I'm going for. He's not good at technology, and this whole game is about technology! We lost the creative challenge because all we could do with him was write! Still, everyone thinks because Destiny isn't very active she should be the one to go. I'm not sure what I want to do. JGOh hey! Here we are round one. I feel so out of it playing this game. For the first time in a while, I barely know any of the other players. Which is refreshing and tough. I also feel like my social game is kind of lacking but that is kind of my brand for round 1. I have had some great one on one conversations with DeNara, Jodi, and Sarah. I've talked to Brayden and Kenneth as well a little bit less than the first three. Shawn and Ava, barely. Frank and Destiny not at all. The vote should be Destiny since we sadly lost. Which works for me. I feel the closest with DeNara and Sarah. Really hoping I can start to get my footing. If we were to lose again, Frank would probably go but I don't wanna put myself in the line of fire again. Well here's hoping things improve. Hopefully, I'm not blindsided. Here we go.blueMy tribe seems pretty cool so far, everyone is nice and seems pretty active so thats nice. Shawns going to tribal so I hope theyre gonna be safe :(((DeNara As far as I know, the vote is going to be Destiny. I feel bad for them for not getting the chance to play, and I feel really bad for Moth, they always have the worst luck in ORGs. That being said I sure hope nothing crazy happens tonight or I will cry 100% Tribal, here I come...AubreeThere is hardly any game talk (at least from where I’m standing), so I may start trying to get a feel of where people are at by asking some game-related questions in the tribe chat. Don’t get me wrong, I love the personal chit-chats… BUT I’m also feeling a bit empty-handed as far as knowing everyone’s game motives. Maybe I’m being too bold… idk. I’m not normally the one to standout in ORGs, so hopefully my tribe doesn’t take this as me prying… even though I guess I kinda am?? 😬 “Oof look at me being all dangerous and shit!” 😤🤘🏼😂blueSO here are more detailed thoughts on my tribe. Amy of course is a queen and a legend and we've played together before and have a good rapport. Leanne is so kind and so funny, and I would be super down for working with her. Jared is SO nice I get really good vibes and really enjoy talking to him. Aubree is also very nice and seems genuinely interested in my irrelevant stories 10/10 good vibes. Moth is dope as expected and turns out we have a lot of the same interests ie. witcher and the mcelroys very fun. The rest are yet to be determined.AmyI would like to start out by saying that Brayden's video during their tribal almost made me seasick thanks buddy. So today was a DAY. It was a day off and like I had a weird day at work lol 😆 and then I remembered there was the task of talking to people who h i slacked on today whoops sorry. But for half these people idk if they even noticed bc my tribe is so quiet. Did I already say I tried asking Jessie what their favorite berry was? Like that's how exhausting conversation has been most all around. I think I'm talking to Leanne, Derrick, and Jared the most. I am begging for bygones to be bygones. But anyway I was trying to do a little of the hunt throughout the day bc after seeing

all those advantages last go I was SHOCKED. Then at the end of work I made it to thevpart where I was talking to the grumpy sad flower crown man and after falling on my weak ass on a ladder I picked the lock with a bobbypin and charisma's him to make me a flower crown which got me to the maypole which had me do a scavenger hunt and I got an idol. Writing this all out is absolutely hilarious. But yeah I have an idolllllllllllllllllllll which I don't want to use anytime soon. But I have a feeling I'm going to struggle to make merge. Anyway I got this idol like directly after the other tribe finishing tribal and I love a funny timing like that. I'm glad Ava survived weee! And wow they have some very vocal tribe members haha I'm sure Denara and Jodi are working together which tracks bc I've been closest to both of them individually in prior games early on. Curious if it will stick. So next was rock paper scissors for which I have a 10% disadvantage which apparently applies to the overall tribe score ☠️ . I won my game against Brayden who was at seemingly a raging Big Brother watch party. Sorry buddy. But we've been chatting like he asked how josh was and I said Josh is great and really stepped up to the plate for the creative challenge even though it wasn't what he wanted and also he loves tom holland so I instantly trust him. Then he said everyone likes ava bc she's just so cool and yes I get it I am personally intimidated by how cool Ava is and I have to be around that cool level every day honestly I don't know why she talks to me but she's a badass. Anyyywayyyy he doesn't seem keen on actually talking game and I need to figure out if I need to just tell my tribe I have a disadvantage rn or be like what the fuck the other tribe is so mean to give me a disadvantage 😭 Anyway excited to explore the hunt some more and this game is so fun. If we go to tribal I think Jessie is most at risk tbh. Okay that's all bye ❤️

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