#genuinely did not make the connection i am not a smart man

[mattastr0phic]

Somehow did not piece together for several years that demisexual fell under the ace spectrum oops

[anonymouscheeses]

Vaggie and Valentino are connected and no one has been talking about it (I think 😭)

Brutha. I've always known this but like these two are surface level similar yet so SO SO SOOOO different its terrifying.

Question might be, why tf am I comparing the r*pist and the beautiful, gorgeous, fantastic, inspiring, humble, generous, smeggsy, former angel?

Simply because they are both moth demon's that speak Spanish. It's a bit too specific. And rlly that's kind of all I have right now. Sure, you could say "erm actually, Vaggie isn't a moth demon 🤓" and ur probably right. But if she's not, why is it that in her redesign for the show they lean into the moth hair? It's look much MUCH more moth than in the pilot. So if Viv wanted to stray away from the moth theme, why make it look more like that? She may not he exactly a moth demon but she does have intentional moth features. Perhaps Vaggie just disguised herself like that, either way, still a connection..

I would get it if one of them were in helluva boss jst as a way to recycle and make room or whatever. But no, they are in the same show, same world, same ring of hell, same city(I think). It's a weird connection and I kind of don't want it to exist. Like at all. Because if they are connected I can't think of any other way they are except that Val could be a fallen angel. Which I CANT imagine. Unless Vaggie is like, a winner that became an exterminator, but genuinely that would be a bit complex. But what isn't in this show. Then again, Adam said he created her, or that could be a metaphor for that Vaggie was never noticed as a human and just brushed off to the side so therefore Adam "created" her (created a name and image/status of her). But that's unlikely, I don't they would be that smart lmao.

Personality wise, they both have anger issues. Pilot Vaggie and show Valentino are more alike but show Vaggie is still somewhat spicy. They also both have hot voices, sorry not sorry, like fuck Val (not literally) but his voice is BAZINGA 😍 and I'm a simp for Stephanie Beatriz. I'm a simple gal.

Design wise they have rare commonalities. They are both heavily red but thats everyone in the show it make my eyes bleed. But. A weird thing someone pointed out in a slideshow on tiktok is that show Valentino has white stripes on his hips. Me personally I'm not sure what to think about it really. Like I mean it IS a new detail that spawned AFTER the pilot and it is like... on the EXACT place. But like, it's such a weird thing to include when it's such a common pose yknow?

Also the X's on the boobs are so sensual I cannot be the only one. And ykno Val is the king of sensual (🤮)

Maybe you could be asking, "if Val and Vaggie r connected jst because they are moth demons then that jst means that anyone that are the same species are somehow tied to eachother huh? 🤓" like Angel Dust and Zestial. But what I think differs from that is the fact these two have actual big similarities apart from jst the fact they are moths. Like what I just explained, personality, design, both speak Spanish. While Angel Dust and Zestial are only just both spiders. Angel's reason for being a spider is due to the ykno, "web of crime" thing. And Zesty man? Idk he probably got bit and fucking died by a poisonous spider. I mean, health shit wasn't exactly great back in his ye olde time.

For Val and Vaggie we have NO idea why they are moths

But I did find this! From google AI.....? (I didn't even know that was a thing..) but, I think it's true. It explains the dynamic with Angel alot and I think that's an interesting detail.

Which could also apply to Vaggie because of her hyper-dependency on Charlie.

Plus this fits Vaggie so. SO much. If my theory that Vaggie just disguised herself as a moth to blend in then that would be a good connection to the entire moth motif. Love, I don't even need to explain.

It can fit Val too if you think abt the disguise part a bit. Like he disguises himself as this charming and calming figure to avoid suspicion and lure victims... fucking creepy 🤮

Also in Vaggie's past designs she was more moth.

Here is like. ONE image I could find that wasn't too blurry. Like I wouldn't say it's heavy moth but I think if you asked me what insect she was based off I would guess moth in like a few minutes. The colors being dark, the fluffy legwarmers. Yum, that's a mothy. (THIS DESIGN YHO KINDA PISSES ME OFF. WHY IS THERE THE FEMALE SIGN OK HER SHIRY I THOUGHT SHE WAS STRAIGHT IN THIS VER??? also str8 vaggie scares me don't ever bring up that thing around me. They are NOT the same. #notmyvagina)

From what I know there aren't any previous old beta designs of Valentino, so he was likely made for the show specifically.

Overall, they are both sexy Spanish speakers who are moth demons, in the same show, oddly specific connected design choices, and have some anger issues.

Oh also they both hate Angel Dust 💜

[separatist-apologist]

I just read an article in that guy who murdered two women. Absolutely horrifying. All the booktok crazies fawning over him reminds me of the women that would write letters to Ted Bundy while he was in prison.

I wasn't gonna answer this because I felt like I said what I needed to say and like, I was just preaching to preach but THEN while I was asleep, an anon came into my askbox to accuse me of not being a girls girl while intentionally missing my point. I blocked them before I thought of a good comeback (tragic) but like fellas is it anti-feminist not to stan a man who killed two women because (and this is so important to me) he hates women?

I'm gonna put the rest of this under a cut with a heavy trigger warning for domestic violence, I just want to say it and then I think I'm done talking about it because it's genuinely so disheartening.

Anyway, I think sometimes I get nervous to answer these kinds of asks because as a therapist I should know better than to speculate on people and what they're going through and whatever else, but as a person, its like...do you want to be picked that badly?

I think we all know by now that I work in DV and all the people fascinated with men like this fuck me up because like..."oooh what makes him tick, I want to talk to him, why did he do it-" and for me, I sit on the opposite end talking to survivors of violence asking the same questions with hollow eyes, with shaking hands, with safety plans meant to buy them just enough time to get out of their house so they aren't killed. I still think about some of the people I spoke with who didn't survive it.

When I was in grad school, I took a summer internship at the local DV court helping survivors with orders of protection. The system was set up better than a lot of other courts, but its still the legal system, you know? With all its flaws. My job was to flag for lethality based on what I was reading in the OPs and then reach out directly to survivors to help them navigate the process, connect them with resources, and sit with them in court. And I still remember this one particular woman who's situation was so desperately dangerous. We did a safety plan- and at that level, a safety plan isn't like, "remember to take your keys and wallet with you when you go", its "don't go into the basement or bathroom if he's in the house with you because there are too many hard surfaces, exposed pipes, and basins of water that making killing you easier. Go to a bedroom or closet because strangling a person is really hard and takes time," like THAT kind of safety plan. Anyway she thanked me, I remember this so well, she said thank you and I told her I'd call her the next week with an update and over the weekend he bludgeoned her to death.

And I guess I just don't think there is anything fascinating, interesting, or otherwise unique to men like this (obligatory yes I know women kill/abuse too). They're everywhere. I saw another post about how some podcaster is trying to get him on to talk to that guy and its like, why don't you just call up one of your friends' exes. Like. If you've got more than one female friend, you've probably got a friend who has experienced violence at the hand of a male partner, call him. Talk to him. Ask him why he did it, let him give you his made up story about trauma and sadness and oh life is hard because whatever whatever.

That's my thing. Books, movies, tv- they're not making people like this, and I'm not condemning people for what they enjoy in fantasy spaces. I am condemning it when you bring it out of those spaces and side against the women who were violently murdered because, and this is so important to me (did I say this already??), he HATES women. You are not special. You cannot fix him. He's not smart, or interesting, or fascinating and the having an attractive face is literally just chance and not something inherently moral.

And like, lastly, when you prop these men up and give them a platform, you signal to EVERY man just like him that there is something special and tragic about him. You let him play the victim, you let him rewrite the narrative, you shift the blame of his actions off of him and onto the people he hurt. Like with this particular man, you also side with a white supremacist so what are you saying to all your BIPOC/Jewish friends/mutuals, you know?

Anyway. That's my self-righteous rant, I guess.

[p1zzaparty]

Hello and welcome to my pitch for a Muppet spin-off movie of It Ch 2

idk if anyones ever done this before so just know i took no inspiration from anyone but my own knowledge of muppets and my love for this movie

A LOT of these will be based mostly on looks with only a few exceptions on personality. No i will not be taking any questions or criticisms at this time

Rq note i am not including the cast of Sesame street just because this is my casting and i can make up any rules i want

Starting off very strong

Kermit as Eddie Kaspbrak

NOW before i get booed off stage im very aware this is not accurately cannon in some eyes. Yes, i am aware Kermit usually plays, BUT NOT ALWAYS, a main character in these adaptions. Not that Eddie isnt a main character, i can just see the argument that Bill is more of the focused lead so therefore he should play Bill. But nay i say, nay because back in his Sesame Street days Kermit was wayyyy more snippy and had a real temperament with him. He was sassy, rude, and honestly a real asshole and i felt like that's perfect for Eddie. He's also a bit timid still and i feel like he could play a perfect, annoying little hypochondriac.

Its also because i wanted to make Miss. Piggy play Myra as a small gag

I felt soooo smart and funny for that one

no hate to her tho, miss piggy is a woman of class

Speaking of my incredible massive brain

Fozzie bear as Richie Tozier

Admittedly my connections are very lazy and just, 'Comedian, bear, Kermits best friend, perfect.' What more could you ask for. Though i will say i AM in agreeance with most of you, Richie and Eddie would normally be Bert and Ernie. Its perfect for them and i love it trust me. But again i wanted to branch out of Sesame Street and stick strictly to Muppet characters. Muppet movie characters. Muppets who dont live on sesame street.

He's goofy, he's loud, his jokes are awful, he's "accidentally" received messages from gay guys looking for a bear. His fashion is colorful and bright.

This is about as far as my intelligence led me

Continuing, i actually had a hard time for this one because i kept switching back and forth between two candidates, so take this one with a heavyy grain of salt

Rowlf (?) as Mike Hanlon

Im not entirrrely feeling this one, especially because Mike is a lot more bombastic than Rowlf. Hes excitable and energetic while Rowlf is more laid back. And Mike cannot play the piano to save his fucking life honest to god. So i feel like im doing Mike a disservice here by casting Rowlf, even though Rowlf is one of my favorite muppets. Honestly Gonzo was a heavy contender for him, but Rowlf just felt more aesthetically like Mike. Plus they both enjoy freeform Jazz.

Walter as Ben Hanscom

okay so this is going to get me thrown into the pits but i'm going to be honest with you all

I did not like Ben in the It modern day reboots.

I HAVE a lottt to say about how theyve handled Ben, Bill, Bev, and Mike in these movies, but you aren't here for that you're here for Muppets.

That is to say, since they made my man as bland as possible i decided it was only equally fair to make him Walter. NOT THAT WALTER IS BLAND, he's actually a more complex character than they gave to Ben. 'Ben, are you a man, or are you a muppet?'

It just felt right, he's positive, he's genuine, sweet and kind to the other losers, a bit awkward at times, and he was severely bullied as a child. My little wheat toast princess

Gonzo as Bill Denbrough

So you know how i said i kept going back and forth with Gonzo and Rowlf for Mike

The same applies here. Personally i feel like Gonzo fits a bit more with Bills personality. He's impulsive and a bit all over the place. Almost the entire movie he looks like he's been through the spin cycle with no dryer sheet to keep him from getting static. Plus he just throws himself into dangerous life threatening situations. As for who'd play Georgie? Girl i don't know stop asking me questions

Definitely Robin though, i think he's the only child Muppet i can think of

God hes got those James McAvoy eyes..

Okay this one was extremely difficult to cast

Jill as Beverly Marsh

Do you all know Jill from the muppets? Of course you havent, she literally shows up in ONE scene in The Muppets Take Manhattan. Where she has about 5 lines before is never used again in any other project. Except supposedly in Muppet babies which?? Not going down that rabbit hole

This one was entirely based on looks because as you may all know, there isn't a lot of female muppets besides Miss Piggy. And she cant do ALL the heavy lifting here people. Most notably there is another pig muppet from the 2015 office spin off named Denice who COULD very well be Beverly. But i felt more confident with this choice, especially since it'd be kind of confusing to cast another pig-woman-muppet, who has ALSO been in a relationship with Kermit before. And god forbid i want my Stephen King Muppet movie to make sense people.

She actually looks more accurate to 90s miniseries Bev so take that as you will.

Scooter as Stanley Uris

I feel VERY confident in this choice. As a number 1 fan Scooter i feel like he fits perfectly for the cast as Stan. He's polite, he's dorky, he's usually forgotten, but still valuable to the crew nonetheless. I don't have anything else to really add to, he's just perfect.

Don't know how i feel about seeing a muppet end its own life but you know

Lastly, with almost every Muppet movie there's at least ONE human character

So obviously It'd be Pennywise

Personally id like it to be specifically Tim Currys Pennywise. If not for his amazing acting, his fun and vibrant personality as Pennywise, but also for the fact itd be his second time as a Muppet villain and thats really funny to me. Nonetheless either will do. I find it really funny imagining a very serious cosmic horror clown ripping apart muppet children while they did that puppet flail

That's all i have to relay today thank you

[cassyapper]

i am so curious about your pucci thoughts...

I AM SO FUCKING SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS ASK OH MY FUCKING GOD my life has been crazy lately but still i am So Sorry

okay so basically i love pucci we have to kill him. here is a list of my thoughts in no particular order

he makes me so ill like genuinely he is one of the most well written jojo characters ever and DEFINITELY the most well written villain. like holy shit. i think a lot about how weather said the evilest of people are those who think they are good and how that relates to pucci oh my GOD it makes me sick. pucci like many villains are a "ends justify the means" kinda guy like while he was cruel at many points i truly think he was jsut like, yes this is a moment of weakness but it wont matter because im going to fix it. i think aobut how he really thought he was going to save everyone. he was going to save perla. he was going to save dio. he was going to save himself. and thinking baout things from his side, like, oh my god. dio was his only friend. we the audience know that dio groomed him (not necessarily sexually but still grooming) and even though dio did seem to grow to truly care for pucci, he didnt care enough to not use him for his plan to restart the world -- but PUCCI didnt know that. im sure he had inklings and feelings like he's not NAIVE, im sure he KNEW dio was using him at SOME point, but it wouldnt change the fact dio still eventually saw him and was his friend either way. it wouldnt change the fact that he would do this one thing for his only friend, even if his only friend BECAME his friend in the first place just to make him fulfill this task. god dio and pucci's relationship is so insane i hate hate hate that people boil it down to just shipping LIKE THERE WAS RESENTMENT THERE WAS ANGER THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE AND HALF OF IT WAS LOVE FOR WHAT THE OTHER COULD DO FOR HIM INSTEAD OF JUST HIM HIMSELF . LIKE FUCK'S SAKE im sick of ppl putting a romantic spin on everything and YES this is half me being aromatnic but also COME ON. and that's not even getting into the fact dio and pucci's relationship is supposed to parallel jolyne and jotaro's/jolyne and jonathan's. but anyway

god he loved his sister so much man it makes me sick he jsut wanted her safe man. after everything....i choose to believe his final thoughts were of perla. it's why he was begging for everything he did to have meant SOMETHING -- please let if have meant perla got a good life in whatever universe the world will end up in. i like to believe she did. he won't be there to see it. oh god he wont be there ot see it. fuck. maybe that was for the best in his mind anyway

his drama and tragedy aside he's also the funniest guy in the entire world. why the hell is a catholic priest wearing gucci. well i guess that answers the question but still. he is so fucking funny he is not even subtle about it he is LITERALLY like EOUGH DONT TOUCH MY EXPENSIVE DESIGNER PANTS and then he kicks a cop to his death for it. he's so fucking funny i love him so much. i love that whitesnake is independent enough to have its own personality and he and pucci get into spats sometimes OS FUCKING FUNNY. MFW I ARGUE WITH MY OWN SOUL.

also my disdain for shipping culture aside i cannot deny that pucci is a homophobic homosexual. he and jotaro totally banged a couple times and awkwardly called it off when pucci first sees jotaro's birthmark and he's like oh no. SO FUCKING FUNNY

ugh sorry i jsut want to go back to this point he's so smart he's so Aware of how people work and connect he's always had a fine sense for it (do you believe in gravity...) OUGH like there's no WAY HE DIDN'T KNOW DIO WAS USING HIM BUT HE STILL LOVED DIO AND I THINK BEYOND THAT. I THINK HE TRUY BELIEVED WHAT DIO WAS SAYING. I THINK HE TRULY BELIEVED OKAY EVEN IF DIO HAS HIS OWN MOTIVES HERE, THIS END IS JSUT. SO I WILL KEEP FOLLWOING ALONG. LIKE. I. i truly think he thought this would save everyone, especially perla. ohuogh my god PUCCIIIIIIIIIIIII

in short, he makes me sick we have to kill him. i like him a lot

[tehrevving]

I believe you may or may not have awnsered a similar ask, but as i read chaos theory i'm sitting here like "oh damn, y/n is really blowing this poor man's mind, heart and soul to oblivion with the knowledge that she genuinely loves him and his affections aren't unrequited or driven by guilt" like damn Rev, you and y/n are going all out on poor vincent there. I honestly can't blame you. Even though it overwhelms the sweet man, he really needs genuine love from someone who's dead set on loving him and him alone.

Anywho, question if we get more content from Square Enix (i pray we do, i really do i feel starved for vincent now) that primarily involves vincent more, are we gonna get to see our man grapple with this knowledge and come to the understanding that the love he's developed with y/n definitely isn't one-sided once you're able sink claws into the new content and flesh out your story? Are we also gonna see his demons come out and play a bit more as well when that happens? I love myself some chaos "scares" and well, i'm kinda itching to see if we get some other demon "scares" sprinkled in èwé

Good questions Anon, this is a huge one so I’ll answer it bit by bit lol.

To start with, I have absolutely left some breadcrumbs in Chaos Theory that hint at some of the other plot things that are going on. These hints are incredibly subtle, maybe too subtle honestly lmao, but I have seen them mentioned in comments so 😅. I do intend to reveal some important plot stuff in the sequel covering the Temple of the Ancients. I’m talking shocking stuff lmao, so that’s definitely coming even if SE doesn’t give us any more Vincent content until part 3.

Without knowing where SE are going to go with part 3, I have a bunch of plot ideas that are somewhat vague, so that I can fill them in with specifics eventually. Unfortunately this means that even when I reveal stuff, it’s still gonna be kind of vague 😭😭. So apologies for that.

I also want to add that while I obviously want to finish this story, I can’t exactly commit to writing another fic once part 3 comes out in 3 years time. So, I am apologising in advance that this story might never end up finished.

Specifically with regards to your question, yes Vincent would have to come to terms with allllll of that lol. I mentioned in a previous ask that as long as the timeline works out, their initial “I love you’s” would be just after visiting Lucrecia in her cave. Emotions at that point would be exceptionally high, and Vincent is forced to make a choice and confront his own feelings.

Like, just consider that conversation for a sec. Because Reader knows a lot of Vincent’s backstory by that stage, it’s not just about him having to make a choice about clinging to the past or moving forward. It’s also coming to terms about what Lu(sexually and experimentally) and Hojo(experimentally) did to him, which he only really does in Dirge in canon. Reader is also smart enough to connect the dots on her own that he might be Seph’s father too. There’s just a whole host of things there and there’s no way I’d ever let Vincent get away with not coming to terms with all of it 😂.

With regards to his monsters, of course they would be making more appearances. I love them and I’m way too much of a monster fucker to ignore them. Each of them would get their own time in the spotlight hehehe.

Honestly they’re one of the main reasons I’m reluctant to commit to a part 3 fic. As a quick example, Chaos Theory has 7 smut scenes. Any sequel would need each monster, the love confession and then an “Under the Highwind” end of the world scene. Thats 6 before we even start on them just having fun and exploring each other, and you know, the actual plot lmao.

Anywayyyy. I rambled a lot but there you go. Feel free to send in any more questions or ask for clarification if I was too vague. This fic is my baby and I love talking about it :)

[deviousdevilx]

When you realize Terry came back 35 years later to hurt Daniel like

Breakup was so bad in 85 he came back to do it again like atlest buy Daniel a bonsai tree first and don’t walk in with kreese behind you 🤨

Like the breakup was so bad for terry he got therapy but it all went out the window when he heard Daniel name

Literally told him you know you liked it in a damn convenient store with cereal behind Daniel head

Dude is down bad its actually funny because it so real because I would be obsessed with Daniel to I actually am because he is adorable

But like the man be kicking his feet and twirling his ponytail and beating Daniel rivals up and burning down a furniture store just because Daniel didn’t forgive him for there toxic relationship in 85 that terry totally fucked up

I don’t think he knows how relationships work or he does but he does in his own style

Well he didn't come back to hurt Daniel though, as much as I enjoy watching season 4/5 with Silverusso goggles on, honestly I feel like his toying with Daniel was just a bonus in his grand goal of turning Cobra Kai into a national name or whatever. Making his own legacy, and that kinda does include Daniel, because I dunno if Terry ever really taught or was a sensei to someone before Daniel during the early days of Cobra Kai before he handed it off to Kreese?

His move into hurting Daniel only began with Daniel not accepting his shitty apology, genuine or not, the optics were BAD, I just don't see how someone as smart as Terry clearly is, thought that was the time and place to apologize. I do like the idea someone shared that maybe Kreese set him up to fail to ensure the apology was rejected (Daniel IS a hot head bless him) so, I do like that angle, but the show sometimes the writing choices confound me with how they write characters and their motivations.

Like something something, parallel between Kreese being Johnny's sensei, maybe Terry feels that connection with Daniel as his student, even as toxic and "fake" as it was, he clearly feels some way about Daniel that he doesn't for all the rest, and he gets rid of Kreese but Daniel, he likes to play with (and we gotta admit, Daniel did interfere, and had Chozen infiltrate Cobra Kai, and a lot of Terry's actions are REACTIONS to Daniel's moves. which is why when Daniel is like "i'm done" Terry is PISSED, like you bring in Chozen, have him come into my dojo pretending to be someone else, approach Mike, approach Stingray, and now suddenly it's too much you're gonna walk away? NOPE!) Not to say Daniel wasn't justified in his concerns and fears but I kinda side with Amanda that he should have left well alone.

I also think Terry likes that Daniel can't and won't stop coming after him, so another reason why he loses his shit during that fight is in a twisted way he doesn't like the idea of Daniel taking back some control over whatever the fuck that is happening between them. Daniel wants to disengage their game and Terry wants to keep playing. He wants that power and hold over Daniel's mind.

I dunno I'm tired but yeah whatever the show writers want us to think about their relationship feels muddy. Like villains being obsessed about their heroes is a common trope, and Terry does some off like a scorned lover/friend even though he was the one who ruined it in the first time.

[dgknightblue]

I made a crossover post where Leo says, “Why am I so hard to love?”

He would frown and follow up with, “and why does no want to love me?”

He sees all these other Leo’s in pain and he’s sad. They don’t have anyone nice in their life and it’s all manipulation, threats, and anger.

So he’s genuine with them. He doesn’t try to hug them or say too much, he just says hi and a small compliment and walks away.

The one that heard him murmuring to himself is very concerned.

He’s smart and someone notices.

Then someone pops in with injuries and he’s in medic mode. He’s focused and calm. He’s making calculations over theoretical doses and answers questions with no bite.

One thing I really want to see is Leo confronting a Draxum.

“Why would you try to silence them? Why would you try to take way their voice when you didn’t like it when they tried to quiet yours? It’s hypocritical! The counsel tried to shut you up and you did the same to your kid? You are no better. No matter how noble you call yourself, you’re just as complacent and tyrannical as the humans you hate so much.

Are humans really that bad? Are they that unchangeable? You make them seem like horrible monsters, yet you’ve done what humans would condemn each other for, child abuse. You hurt your child. He has injuries that’s more than just from training. You try to control a living being and treat them like they aren’t anything good or amazing or intelligent. He’s your son and you don’t even love him.”

The Draxum attacks and is surprised when he doesn’t connect.

“I was raised with love, you can’t touch me. I will always have someone to back me up. I will always have someone believe in me. You? You’re a lonely old man that pushed people a way.”

He walks a way.

“A Draxum may have made us, but we aren’t bound by him, we are our own people. Have fun being a sad, angry nobody!”

—————

I think Leo should find someone to talk about medical stuff with. Info dumping with the correct scientific names for medical equipment and medicines and stuff. Leo would also know alternative medicines along with mystic medicine because that’s an option too.

Donnie hands him this pack of paper and tell him it’s a brain teaser, but it’s actually a test and he passed. If he thought every test was just a game he’d pass them.

He likes puzzles and brain teasers and stuff like that. Critical thinking stuff.

I can imagine them putting something hard in front of him and he knows the answer because it’s just so obvious to him. Doesn’t think it’s hard at all.

[lnkedmyheart]

Wait are ppl that stupid 😳? Man if anyone was using Chuuya it was Fyodor or maybe Mori, I believe Dazai didn't even know that Chuuya wasn't a vampire till Chuuya manipulated that elevator's gravity and eventually Dazai connected the dots and realized and adapted to the plan, when did he manipulated Chuuya lmao ( I also choose to believe Chuuya was the one who planned most of this, idk why it sounds funny and nice imo )

Also the Sigma one hmmm...from what I remember dazai and Chuuya aren't completely out of Meursault yet right? And he himself had promised sigma that he will take him out of there and he isn't someone who breaks his promises so yeah ( also I'm not a sigzai shipper but I think he genuinely cares about Sigma cuz he reminds him of Atsushi or whatever and he sounded honest when he said a part of why he chose sigma was that he wanted to actually save him and Asagiri didn't just made out their interactions and the possibility of Sigma joining the ada and him becoming fond of Dazai to some extent only for it to just mean nothing at the end )

Sorry for ranting;) I may be wrong though because I'm not good at analyzing or sth and English isn't my first language so....

Lets cover Sigma first. He's been a crucial character in this arc but extremely passive. But he has gained some extremely important information and seemingly gone into a coma. The character who this information relates to is seemingly dead. But see, we dont know what Sigma found out, we dont know what Fyodor is, its implied he isn't human. I am also obsessed with the body hopping theory but keeping that aside Fyodor's ability will definitely come into play and Sigma will be very important when that happens.

As for the Sigma being forgotten thing. We only saw Sigma from Fyodor's perspective before he even knew skk were working together. In his perspective Dazai was dead, Chuuya was a vampire and Sigma was incapacitated cause that's how he left him. He did not expect anyone to make it out alive with Chuuya most likely being captured for murdering these many govt soldiers, Dazai was dead and Sigma also taken in because he is part of a terrorist organisation after all. With skk alive they most likely went in and got Sigma. And yes, I do think Dazai cares about Sigma enough to want to keep his promise to him. The "we forgot the kids" joke is mostly just a joke in the fandom. I hate that Dazai is getting dragged for this at all. Bro has proven himself enough.

I wouldn't say Mori was using Chuuya. Mori is Chuuya's boss. Him dressing Chuuya up and sending him on a mission is not exactly him being used by anyone. He is just doing his job as an executive. Fyodor thought he was using Chuuya, that he was properly utilizing the gravity manipulator. Dazai may or may not have thought Chuuya was being used against his will given that he was mad pissed when Chuuya arrived and seemed to have partnered up with Fyodor and he seemed really irritated at Fyodor talking about Chuuya like a tool and implying he didnt know how to use him.

If anything Chuuya wasn't being used at all and him and Dazai were doing their whole in sync without even talking and expecting the other to understand because they have this crazy level of faith in each other thing they have been doing since they first met. Chuuya maybe more so because Dazai might not even be aware Chuuya wasn't a vampire.

Chuuya is smart enough to fool actual geniuses and outsmart computer brained androids. That guy is not stupid and can very well deal with Fyodor who was already blinded by his hubris.

[thefirsthogokage]

Criminal Minds 5x18:

'The Fight'

So, I think this is the episode that's the backdoor pilot for their first shitty spin off. Ugh. I should probably skip this. But then again, I probably have a lot to complain about...

Spoilers: Assume so.

Just fyi, the episode was worse than I remembered. So. Much. Worse.

Reactions/Commentary Below The Cut

God I'm not looking forward to this. I very distinctly remember Forest Whitaker did NOT know how to TV act. The overacting was STRONG. I do remember the first time I watched this, the previous time I had seen him he had weight a lot more.

Janeane Garofalo was fine though. Her character had a stupid name though.

I do feel bad it failed because the cast was done dirty through bad acting and writing.

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Forest is doing better than I remembered...so far. And he's so much younger in this than I remember.

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AHHH! That's right! Matt Ryan was in this! Poor guy keeps shaving shitty things happen to his show.

Oh, no, here comes the over acting. And not just from him, this woman, "Gina," too.

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Also, why tf would this serial killer kill transients AND father's and daughters?

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Oh, did they have too much music and stuff? That might have been another issue I had.

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Oh that's why the different types of victims, but god is this so complicated. It's literally straight up torture porn shit. Like, fanfic torture porn that's kind of fine in that medium, but not like this.

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This other guy in the red shirt, he usually plays bad guys. Happy for him he god a show, sorry it had to be this one.

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Cooper, Hotch probably has caller id. Seriously, what the fuck is with this crap. And the STAGING of everything is shit. Like, Hotch introducing himself while Cooper is actually closer? In what situation does that make sense? None. Like, I don't know if this is just writing issues, or directing issues.

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Oh my god, all the over acting. This mother/wife too.

Liking down, "oh my god," looks up, "you just got my family murdered."

WHAT THE GENUINE FUCK?! Is this acting direction or just all bad acting?

She is so BAD!

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The contrast between Whitaker and Gibson, movie actor and TV actor respectively, is so, so strong. Forest is way too strong, and Gibson, as deadpan as he plays it, comes off so much more of a person and less of an actor playing a part. And god I hate giving Gibson any degree of anything that sounds like a complement.

The pauses Whitaker makes are just so MOVIE and not human. Crap and I have like 30 min left of the episode.

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God I love Matt Ryan. I'm watching for him. I'm watching for him. I'm watching for him.

Over dramatic story though. But I love him. That poor, poor man.

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How do they know they are fighting each other? Jumping quickly to ideas. UGH.

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I do like the idea that Cooper has this odd team. But god, the execution was just calling for this to get the ax.

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I would be down for Matt Ryan's character and Prentiss getting together. That would have been fun.

Oooo, bring him back for Evolution Season Two! They need another male cast member, two vs. four just doesn't cut it. And Matt deserves the work.

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Ugh, I do NOT like this plot.

I don't even understand how Cooper made any connection between any of this at somepoint.

They are juggling too many cast members.

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Did Strauss just introduce herself by her full name, or did she really just say, "Agent Hotchner, Aaron Strauss?" Or did I miss hear that twice and she said "agent"? God that just. UGHHHHH

Just put Matt Ryan back on.

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I hate this episode, I hate the new people's acting (except Matt). I hate this. So much worse than I remember.

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Oh yes, the overacted, overdramatic Gina. Janeane replaced her, right?

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Smart girl. She saved her dad with the quick "not a liar too" bit. Though I am surprised she didn't do that sooner.

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Whitaker's posture with the gun, the hopping, geezus.

How would going to some random roof top help? Like, they didn't get away fast enough? He's gonna make the shot right? How did they get the chopper up that fast?

Oh, that's how the roof would help.

Thank goodness, just a few more minutes.

He's been hurting other people's daughters, why would he stop at this one?

He ...had a silencer? Is that legal? And of course that angle was bullshit.

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"Trust me it's not" "What'd you mean?" HAHA

Only good dialogue of the episode, that bit.

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God that was so bad. I'm surprised the IMDb rating isn't lower.

How could a casting director fuck up so bad to higher three over actors for one episode? And arguably the bad guy under acted.

UGGGGHHHH.

[kcsplace]

Thank you @teaforarteza for the tag, this was fun!

List 5 topics you can talk on for an hour without preparing any material.

Frankenstein -More specifically that while the Creature's (I will fucking cut a bitch that calls him Monster I swear to God don't test me) actions are indefensible, they are utterly and completely understandable and also Victor is a crybaby bitch. The ultimate deadbeat dad. But even worse, you have to remember that at the time of the book's writing, the belief was that only God gave life. So Frankenstein wasn't just the Creature's creator and father, he's his GOD. and what does he do when his child opens its eyes? Runs screaming from the room, the house, the city...try getting child support outta that loser. Deity whomst? Creature4life

The Post Office Scandal/Inquiry- I genuinely genuinely need to know if Jason Beer KC's spouse can fight because I am in love with his big and beautiful brain. He's so calm, so patient, so fucking smart...the CIA wish they had him as an interrogator. he doesn't just find a chink in the armour, he makes it and then slips a stiletto through. Those not in the know, the PO Horizon scandal is the biggest miscarriage of justice. the Post Office had a system that malfunctioned, they knew it malfunctioned, and they covered it up. the system would incorrectly log takings, making it appear that the subpostmaster/mistress was stealing. the PO is also one of few organisations that can conduct their own prosecution. and they did. Nearly a 1000 people's lives were ruined. marriages ended, bankruptcy, imprisonment and one man took his life, with another woman only not doing so because she discovered she was pregnant. and none of the higher ups give a SHIT. they spent decades covering it up while earning millions and getting fucking awards. Bring back the guillotine. (one did have to listen to a disgusting email she wrote read back to her in court while the woman she'd read about stared daggers at her and that was delightful. Repeat after me kiddies, never ever ever write anything you don't want to have read back to you in court)

The lack of physical media- Look, streamers are convenient, I get it, but fuck off with the lack of DVD releases. GIVE ME DVDS. I am a) not paying for all 8000 streamers to get access to shit and b) don't trust the bastards not to just take shit down/sell it to someone else. Nope, I will burn all the shit I love onto disc. But I want the gag reels and the bts interviews and commentaries. GIVE THEM TO ME

Space - When I was a kid my dad built a telescope with stuff he found in a skip. he bought the lenses and stuff but the tripod and body of the telescope were bits and pieces he pulled from skips. We'd sit on the patio and he'd teach me the stars and the order of the planets in the solar system (of which there are NINE. PLUTO IS A PLANET fight me) and I did astrophysics at college. I wasn't good at it but god, I just love space. No surprise that my most read genre is sci-fi (Please read The Expanse, please ppepllleeeeaaaasseee its so good and Amos is my sweet murder muffin)

Food - For so many of us, getting to immerse into all the different cultures and countries that we might want is just financially a pipedream, but the easiest access is through food. Everyone eats, we show joy and share grief and seek comfort through our food, and the different dishes that are served at what is the "same" event (ie a wedding) based off culture or religion are so varied and incredible and so many people light up if you ask them their favourite food or dish. many of us have deep emotionial connections to certain dishes that to anyone else is "just a lasagne" but its the lasagne you grew up with. sharing food and stories and good times is so important and so nourishing for the soul, even for this introvert.

[purplezonksaladauthor-blog]

Unmasking Grandiose Delusions: A Journey to Authenticity

We dabble in two flavors of delusions: Grandiose and Ignoble. Now, hold off on that Google search — this isn’t backed by science; it’s just my unfiltered musings. Read at your own risk.

Back to what I was saying. I’m constantly weaving assumptions about the world and then jumping into mental gymnastics or actions fueled by these potentially flawed assumptions.

Let’s take my grandiose delusion as Exhibit A. It’s been my lifelong companion, though I only recently lifted the blindfold.

My entire life, I assumed every guy I encountered saw me through rose-tinted glasses. To be brutally honest, I believed every man thought I was the full package — smart, beautiful, and all-around delightful. I never entertained the idea that someone might not be smitten with me. This delusion persisted despite my solo status and the absence of Mr. Right in my romantic life.

Now, I admit a few suitable candidates did cross my path, but the big question lingered: if every man liked me, why didn’t one of them express interest? I don’t have to tell you delusion knows no logic, so I maintained my belief that every man, regardless of age or background, found me utterly charming.

Yep, every man!

If he was single, I assumed he found me cute and funny.

If he was old, I assumed he found me pleasant and interesting.

If he was nerdy, I assumed he found me smart and hot.

(Yes, I do recognize this is comically arrogant, but friends, please don’t judge me, I didn’t intend to be this way. I was born like this!)

I dub this Grandiose Delusion. You might wonder, “Why is this a problem? Isn’t it good to think highly of oneself?” Not so! Turns out, it’s a bit confusing when your self-perception and assumptions of external events do not align with reality. This mismatch led me to inconsistent behavior, unmet expectations, and guilt from self-serving behaviors.

For instance, if I sensed a guy wasn’t my romantic cup of tea, I’d tone down my personality to ward off any potential interest. So that I am not responsible for letting him down. On the flip side, if I liked a guy, I’d imagine scenarios where he is thinking about me etc. and I’d wait for him to make the first move, only to end up disappointed when it never happened.

Do you see the pattern?

I was altering my behavior based on groundless assumptions, potentially sabotaging chances for genuine connections.

The cost of acting on assumptions, whether accurate or not, ranges from time-consuming to a deep erosion of authenticity. Let me explain.

What do I mean by erosion of authenticity?

My core values revolve around peace, freedom, which is non-attachment to all things, honest connections, and collaboration — a manifestation of the timeless Law to love your neighbor as yourself. When I operate from these principles, I’m my true self, happy and fulfilled. But when I let assumptions drive my actions, I follow a different law: “What’s yours is yours, and what’s mine is mine and you ain’t having mine unless I need what you have.” This leads to a selfish, disappointing version of myself, hollow and worn.

But here’s the silver lining: although this delusion of mine is like a factory setting, I can choose to override it. By aligning my actions with my internal values, aka, God’s law, I can consistently behave according to the Law instead of according to my own understanding (or more accurately lack thereof).

And no, it’s not my grandiose delusion speaking — it’s me. I’ve gathered enough data to know that when I act in line with my values, grandiose delusion loses its grip on me. It might linger, but my actions aren’t swayed by it and I emerge victorious!

To put that in practical terms, overriding my grandiose delusions involves a two-step authentication process at the decision-making gate. I question every thought: Is it self-serving? Is it true? If either answer is yes, the thought is thrown out.

In a nutshell, basing my actions on internal values and principles, rather than assumed knowledge, lets me deal fairly with everyone. Whether a man likes me or not becomes irrelevant to how I treat him. I strive to treat everyone with respect, judging them by their work.

I did a quick Google search on types of delusions. I’m not sure if it’s from the DSM 5, but according to Google, delusions include persecutory, erotomanic, grandiose, jealous, somatic, mixed, and unspecified.

Be that as it may, but at their core, I’d argue that these delusions fall into two categories: grandiose and ignoble. Think about it!

Unfortunately, I can’t delve into Ignoble delusions because I haven’t experienced them. I have some idea, but it is rooted in assumptions. And I am done with that!

If you’re not familiar with the word “ignoble,” go ahead and Google it. I only learned it myself in my quest to understand my shadow self. I am using it here as the delusion of unworthiness arising from low self-esteem. The opposite of grandiosity.

Until next time!

[bdbsvirtualjournal]

A Presentation - 15/10/2023

For the possibility that someone will stumble upon my page, I want to write a short presentation or bio for the potential stranger, but also for me too since I never actually wrote about me. Or discuss me in any way outside my mind.

So, I'm B. , I'm 21 years old at the making of this page, and I live in Timisoara. I've always lived here and I actually really love my city. I don't really plan to move from here, definitely at least. It is a big city, but with a low density so it gives small towns vibes sometimes. It is like a compromise between the stability of small communities but it also has the opportunities for a good career. I am studying Telecommunications here at the Polytechnic University. Even though the field itself is nice and in the 3rd year the courses seem more interesting to me, I can't say that I'm deeply passionate or interested in this domain at large. It mostly sparks a passive curiosity, but it never evolved into something I see myself dedicating my free time. My interests revolve around humanities.

I am tall person with an overall strong build, I work out and cycle a lot, but I don't relate in any way to masculinity. I consider myself gender-queer, my relation with gender being quite complex. Not just on an identity basis, I have feminine features as well. For as much as I can remember, people always remarked my unusual traits. 'Your nails are so beautiful, you should paint them' or 'Did you put mascara on?' are some of the earliest I heard. But that's a discussion for another time.

My political and moral views about the world are deeply left wing. Since my childhood I always took an interest on the human and social parts of the world and history. I was always concerned with how people lived their lives, what was their routine and how did they got throughout the day, rather than focusing on strategic things like battles armies or heroes. Most of the literature I liked growing up was about the human condition.

I am also a Christian. I am an Eastern Orthodox Christian. I go to Church every Sunday, mostly because I am also an Altar boy. I like helping and being deep in my local community. I really like Theology and the history of the Church. It is really fascinating how smart people interpret the Holy Texts and how much meaning they extract from Them and how they created a big system around it. However I'm not a spiritual person, I can't say that I FEEL the divinity.

If I had to describe my "'personality" in a psychological (or pseudo at least) I'd say that I'm an introvert. I don't really like to be surrounded constantly by people. I like staying in house and putting time into my interests. I enjoy the time I spend alone and sometimes I need it like a it's a necessity. However I don't consider myself anti social in any aspect. I can get along with most people, form amicable relations with most people and I can entertain discussions, be them casual or on specific subjects, joking or serious. I also seek people that have similar interests as me. I seek real and genuine human connections, just like anyone else for that matter.

As for my hobbies and interests, I have a deep passion for arts, in special for literature, music and movies. I could talk about those all day. I also enjoy other forms of media such as animations and video games, but not that much as I used to do a while ago. I watch way too much YouTube vids. I also love animals, especially birds. I own a lot of pets and domestic animals.

In my spare time outside the house, I go to concerts. A lot of them. I know every venue in my city and some in others. If there's a concert, most likely I'm there or at least I know about it. There are some places that revolve around cultural stuff but not that many. Just some libraries, some art hubs and small cinemas. I'm also there from time to time. I will get more into what types of music and literature I like, but another time.

Overall I'd describe myself as man of contradictions and conflicting ideas. I study in STEM but my passion is in humanities. I am progressive person and I would describe myself as socialist and/or anarchist but I'm also a practicing Christian in one of the most conservative denominations. I think about my gender identity way more than most people do. I can get along with everyone and I rarely feel alone, and most of the time I can find someone to distract me from that feeling, but I always felt like an outsider who can't find that easily someone that TRULY gets everything. Even my city has contradictions. Even thought I like in a big city (at the outskirts of it indeed but still in the city) I live in a basically rural area and I have farm animals. I don't care about the concept of nationality and overall I hate nationalistic ideas. On the internet I've always adopted other nationalities and formed my personas around them (for example I pretended to be Hungarian on Facebook to trigger dumb Romanians). But I also feel attached to this place I the thought of me not being here scares me. I know that I will miss it.

While I do have all of this contradictions in my life, I don't feel emotionally affected by them, but I do want to explore them more and maybe learn something about myself, that's why I want to journal my thoughts more.

[neveind]

The First Day

This is the first day I try to do this on this app. But it’s not the first time that I try to do this daily journal thing. I have tried to write a novel, but that didn’t work out so well. I guess I just get distracted and forgot about it. I have several little break downs this afternoon and I’m still feeling sad right now, I want to write something down hoping it will make me feel better. I don’t know if I’ll ever read this again, but I tend to write this sort of thing as pretty self loathing and embarrassing and hard to read (like those kind of instagram post you would delete after. Ps I have a diary in middle school and it’s fucking embarrassing to read and I tried to burn it but it wouldn’t burn), so probably not. Or probably I won’t write on here ever again.

The cause of everything is the failure of the final presentation I guess? After I got several unfriendly comments on the bus from my teammate this semester, I got back home and listened to welcome to my island in bed. It seems like I realized something, and I can’t hold it together anymore. I begin to cry in silence, after that I got up and started to watch Licorice Pizza and eating from a box of cookie. And when the scene of the protagonists first time having dinner together, oh no, it’s the scene where he treated his brother so nice, I realized I have literally nobody in my life, and I began to have a breakdown. I threw the cookie back to the box and I began quivering, the bitterness spread from the throat. I didn’t notice chronic pharyngitis makes my throat hurt when crying. Or it’s just always feels that way. After that I had another two little breakdowns. For dinner I cooked noodle with Pesto and Lachs. It’s kind of addicting because I have been eating this for 4 evenings.



I did a lot of self loathing and self reflection in my head. I am insensitive and unfocused. I am weak. I might be evil. I think I’m a good man, but the evil side never left me. I want genuine connections but I kept pushing everyone in my life away. I don’t know what to talk when I’m in front of strangers. I always think I’m interesting, but I’m actually boring and have nothing to say. I’m only speaking other people’s words. I’m no better than the people that I hate, and i can’t even really admit that deep down.



Am I smart?  Maybe in some things. But I’m literally fucking stupid in everything else. Am I talented? Maybe not enough to make a living out of it.



I hate the way I look. I can’t even look into a mirror or reflective surface in public. I hate where I come from. I don’t like my parents. I hate the things they did to me and I did to them. But in the end I am really my mother’s child. I am just another her in the world with slightly stronger nerves. Maybe it’s a curse, it’s in my bones.



I’m never a happy person. The feeling of isolation and otherness haunted me since I was a child. I remember being carefree as I was maybe 10? But the feeling of sadness and frustration took over me when I’m like 11 and not ever disappeared ever since. When I was a child I used to always think I won’t be able to live past adolescence because I secretly believed that I have a very big disease and it would eventually take my life. But I’m still living today so I guess that’s a win?  Well, but today I have other reasons to believe I might die a much more violent death: I will eventually lose my mind. Or die of self harm or depression. I have that thought less now. But when I do, I just can’t help feeling so so sad for myself.



I have nobody in my life. Or did I really have a life? Everything feels like a blur. I feel like a ghost. I don’t know what to do.



In less than 4 months I will be 24. I remember my mother had me when she was 24. It was 1999, a year before the new century. Was she full of hope? Was the world busy celebrating the new millennium? Do they realize the intrinsic frustration of life itself even back then?



Today is February 7th, 2023. It’s 23:33 now. I think I’m going to bed.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

3:56 am pdt Saturday 8 April 2023

Since 2017 incubus has been calling me “trash.” 3:57 pmpdt I am resigned to believing in it. The bad smell returned ≈3:05 am pdt. Seems symbolic. Nick V./B.’s birthday. 3/05.I think incubus is telling me Nick is not sick. 3:59 am pdt it was decided b4 I was conceived to be the sacrificial cow of slavery in Jeremiah of the Bible. It is what it is. 4:01 am pdt no is perfect (acid in mouth on teeth???? 😞😖😭😭😭😭) I don’t foresee change. I m tortured until I’m dead 😵 he warned. 4:02 am pdt 4:03 am pdt I guess that means he lied 🤥. Still don’t know if he was “Brendan.” If he gave hints of it and it’s true, then he’s very detached and (left hip bone pain 4:04 pmpdt) lies all the time about love 💕 to make himself look good even when he’s bad/misbehaving/lecherous. 4:05 am pdt even if I suddenly am given back memory of being his wife I would disown him for hurting me so badly. I will never trust that whatever he is. 4:06 am pdt animal 🦔 4:06 am pdt I see every person including myself differently. 4:07 am pdt everyone looks like a lecherous animal 🦔 to me. 4:07 am pdt no mattter how smart you seem. Thank the incubus for that. 4:08 am pdt

4:49 am pdt I’m sorry for what I did but I did not rape anyone with my hands 🙌, mouth 👄, or vag. Incubus miñion wants to make what I did into bigger than what a man 👨 did. He likes to call me a hypocrite by attacking my hip bones 🦴. 4:51 am pdt I’ve only been s*xually naked with men my own age. Please READ ALL posts. 4:54 am pdt incubus likes to condemn women for any small infraction(?). But when a man does something wrong 😑 he says to me “it’s not death.” ☠️ In regards to what garrido did to dugard. There he goes again touching my hips. Pain 4:56 am pdt biggest hypocrite of all = incubus in my book side ribs pain!!!! 4:45 am pdt when love 💕 ends I promise I will never breathe 🧘🏻‍♀️ again . Maybe 🤔 incubus never loved 🥰? He can make himself have the look 👀 of love 💕 without genuinely feeling it. I.e. with behati if he’s really into stroh and not her ever. 4:58 am pdt

5:13 am pdt incubus punished me my whole life 1,000,000% (acid throat pain 5:14 am pdt he’s killing me now.) worse than what I ever did. 😖😭😭😭😭 don’t believe that face. He forgives rapists who drugs & villifys their victims and likes it when their victims are tortured. The rapist are rewarded. The victims punished. 5:17 am pdt I’m not going to have a tongue 👅 soon 🔜 and a throat or a vag or a butt or legs 🦵. Basically DEAD ☠️. So if surgeons were counting on new victims to victimize (?) ... be prepared for disappointment. When there are no more people to be patients what’s going to happen to the doctors 🥼? We are all connected to each other. In a circle ⭕️ in a hoop 🎶🎼🎵🎤 5:21 am pdt don’t trust that animal 🦔! He is heinous animal 🦔! He is your god! Your representative! You are the same? You like him? You want to be like him?! He is admittedly an incubus to me! 2001! 5:23 am pdt I don’t need doctors 🥼 I don’t want a pacemaker or a new heart ♥️. 5:24 am pdt don’t touch me! 5:24 am pdt

5:37 am pdt I don’t want to be in your world 🌎 incubus. You are gross. 5:38 am pdt

12:43 pmpdt Q, Amar Malek, and Incubus are gross and married to each other. I cannot believe anymore that he would put his real life thru this. Only a whore he wants to get rid of who he used. (Left eye 👁 ball pain 😖😭 12:45 pmpdt he’s a user and abuser, they all are. 12:46 pmpdt)

12:48 pmpdt I typed WIFE not life. But that makes sense, too.

12:49 pmpdt posting failed

12:53 pmpdt my cousin Jeremy was already a cop 👮‍♂️ when I was 7 years old. That’s how long ago they already planned for me to be a sacrifice. Probably even longer. 12:54 pmpdt

12:54 pmpdt posting failed. But that probably doesn’t matter to anyone. 12:55 pmpdt posting failed. They probably planned it b4 he was born. Probably b4 my dad or uncle was born. 12:56 pmpdt I didn’t know (teeth pain 😖😭 12:57 pmpdt) them well but they seemed like nice people to me. But I guess I have been mislead into thinking the wrong stuff and kept dumb. 12:58 pmpdt I don’t appreciate the pain of my life. I appreciate some of the people I was able to spend a relatively short time with. And then my feeling change after writing that. He can change hearts ♥️ he gave signs 🪧 of. They are telling me that the appreciation I felt is fake. 1:01 pmpdt it feels like that could be the truth. They really are coordinated in using their magic 🪄 which things to withhold so I can’t remember fully what the appreciation felt like and make me think it was fake but if it was feeling that way at all b4 wouldn’t I have mentioned it? Possibly. But I think 💭 I need to give them the benefit of the doubt on that 😞🥵 my head left side 1:03 pmpdt acid feelings pain tongue 👅 1:04 pmpdt they won’t let up 🆙 on the acid. They already ate a lot of flesh with it. 1:04 pmpdt I guess I didn’t realize what he’s been threatening everyone then this whole time? Although I remember some of them seemed to hate me even though I never met them b4 that I could recall.. it’s like they took pleasure in showing me they hated me by making me feel pain, or looking at me and talking around me in a tone expressing that. 1:08 pmpdt

2:37 pmpdt 2000 years after Jesus Christ they still like to make babies born only to be isolated and tortured? Hypothesis. Jesus (gum scratch pain 2:39 pmpdt) Jesus -> y (left hip bone crunching pain 2:40 was fast and made me suddenly yell/scream 😖😭) yeshua -> hosanna/hoshiana -> yasha/inuyasha/shakugan no Shana/Susanna & Daniel. /chavah/Ava/eve. I should have low expectations by now. 😓😰😱 that nothing I saw 👀 (<- I don’t remember putting this here 😰) say will win my freedom from this pain and torture. 2:45 pmpdt I spent one summer addicted to the sims wishing I could easily accomplish reading 📖 textbooks and learn to do things like fix things myself. I once made a sim couple to represent me and middle school 🏫 classmate with middle name David. When I saw 👀 the place in south San Jose blossom hill I suggested to mom to get that place Bcz it was near the high school 🏫 he transferred to, pioneer. He told me himself that’s where he was going and a another former friend who transferred there confirmed it later after I moved. 2:52 pmpdt 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😖😭💀😫😖😭 diarrhea???? 2:53 pmpdt I never saw him around. I called once a year on his birthday 🥳 and he took my calls 2or 3 times but barely said anything. 2:54 pmpdt I guess he was reluctantly taking my calls. 2:55 pmpdt last night on nbc there was a murder/suicide case titled behind door 🚪 813. The guy he died of a gun shot wound from his own gun moved near the kung fu 🥋 school 🏫 his girlfriend went to. Makes me think 🤔 that maybe he was obsessed with her enough to move close to her in that way. What I understand is martial arts 🥋 is for self defense. 2:58 pmpdt 😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤🥵🥵😤🥵🥵😤

3:15 pmpdt bcz I saw 👀 Nick V./B. In my English and algebra i class I slowly switched my interests to him but still thought 💭 about middle name David guy, and I still wanted (left jaw bone 🦴 pain. Feeling pressure in left hip bone 🦴 again 😞) to go to the high school 🏫 I started going to freshman year. 3:18 pmpdt I feel like I’m telling all this and it’s futile. 3:19 pmpdt in the end it doesn’t even matter 🎶🎼🎵🎤🎸🎧. I graduated from there, school 🏫 with big red “W” like Liza’s college. Recently they changed it to a different colored W? 3:21 pmpdt 😖😭

I asked “Brendan” brain 🧠 pain and hot 🥵 is that acid???? 😫😖😭 I think it is - he did it more with sandpaper-like feel. Which college he wanted to go to Bcz I suddenly had a fantasy of meeting him at college, or I thought it was smarter, even though that’s probably dumb too. 😞 he said 3 colleges and I showed the college websites to my sister: cooper union, parsons, & Pratt. I saw 👀 some pictures on Instagram that showed she went to parsons for fashion design. 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤 it probably doesn’t matter if I say this, unless someone will come forward and confirm that this is what was said back in 2001. Maybe 🤔 if all 3 was their choices who I’m not related to. 3:28 pmpdt everyone seems to like to mess with me and they seem to justify the torture. So it’s probably futile again that I write ✍️ this. 3:29 pmpdt

3:59 pmpdt I guess I am wrong about rape then. I guess he is justified to do what he wants. How can I justify it if I am truly a horrible person underneath it all and didn’t do much my whole life? I shouldhave been a better driver. I stopped driving essentially in 2015. And then I tried again in 2017/2018 Bcz of the incubus. 😖😭😞 I don’t think 💭 I’m a good person anymore. What can I do if he’s right? 4:03 pmpdt I don’t have faith in myself anymore. 😞 😖teeth🦷 😭 4:04 pmpdt I feel and think things I wish I brain 🧠 skull 💀 pain hot 🥵 4:05 pmpdt that I wish I did not. 4:05 pmpdt if that’s the truth then people will justify torturing me and leaving me behind on earth 🌍 4:06 pmpdt 😞 that means I’m dying 😵 here if I remain on earth 🌍. 4:07 pmpdt the ocean 🌊 is depleted and he could drop asteroids ☄️? Would that be enough? Butt it seems like he’s not. I wouldn’t want to be here when stuff is already running out. 4:08 pmpdt 😰😱🥵😖😭 brain 🧠 skull ☠️ 4:09 pmpdt it seems that the most rational would be to go to another planet 🌎 or kill half of the population at one time. 😱😰 4:10 pmpdt I guess I’m going to have a sudden death ☠️ soon 🔜. 4:10 pmpdt how slow I am to realize things 😱😰😓😖😭😫 right jaw bone 🦴 pain 4:11 pmpdt

4:13 pmpdt if they leave, I guess those planes ✈️ are the new ark of the covenant???? 4:14 pmpdt I know very little I still have a lot of reading 📖 and research 🔬 research 🧐 to do. 4:15 pmpdt (acid throat pain 😫😖😭👀🥺 acid mouth 👄 4:16 pmpdt

4:35 pmpdt Liza levine_ originally had the parson school 🏫 pics I think 💭 in her highlights. After I saw 👀 it last year? she took it down/out. 4:36 pmpdt

4:38 pmpdt minute ago felt spiky pain back of brain 🧠 after feeling sandpaper-like hot acid pain in/in back topish of 🧠 brain. They lied 🤥 to me. This is obviously murder. I guess they want us to believe a lie so they can do whatever they want to us. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if they are justified Bcz they hold a lot of power to manipulate things. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if they are racist to Asians. I don’t know why there is racism against Asians. And then I remembered Scott’s birthday 🥳 which he liked to say “Pearl Harbor.” If the apocalypse was written 2000 years ago with whore and pearls, was it manipulated then? Was it on gods’ commands? How to predict something to happen ≈2000 years before? Games/fake outs. Nihon = Japan 🇯🇵 ni = 2 hon = book 📚. Bi/di = 2 Greek? 4:45 pmpdt games/fake outs acid throat pain. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what’s true. Why would I be motivated to feel this emotion and think 🤔 these thoughts 💭? God can trigger feelings of love 💕 and understand of math 🧮, and acceptance of rules/culture that in reality wouldn’t make sense. 4:47 pmpdt what am I suppose to do 😫😖😭 acid brain 🧠 pain. What’s true? Sacrifice? I don’t matter Bcz there are probably 100 more doppelgängers???? 4:48 pmpdt sharp long needle 🪡 feeling stab pain groin near left hip. 4:48 pmpdt I need to read about Pearl Harbor now. I’ve been neglecting it...😞😖😭teeth 🦷 there’s no fake out to be made if he’s eating my brain 🧠 with acid but it seemed like he bought time with me thinking 💭 that this was ok 👌 but it’s NOT. This is his true intention. Nothing special is going to happen for me. It’s futile for me to write anymore. There’s nothing to accomplish. It’s the end of my life. 4:51 pmpdt it’s the end of Ruth’s life it’s the end of Carter’s life. We are all kidding ourselves that there is anything great to live for anymore. Carter will probably get off easy and Ruth will probably be called delusional/schizophrenic for believing he raped her. 4:53 pmpdt it’s interesting 🧐 what incubus is willing to do for him to have a good life. But he knows things I don’t. So it’s easy for him to justify his generousity. He says Nick carter is generous. Is he? 4:55 pmpdt skull 💀 pain 4:56 pmpdt there’s no reason to continue. He’s probably making me schizo, too to cover up 🆙 what I experienced/believed. 4:57 pmpdt they’re bros. Justified. Nothing I can do about it. 4:57 pmpdt

4:58 pmpdt acid throat pain. Surprise to me ⬆️ reminder: Scott likes to watch the history channel. 4:59 pmpdt

[mindsafe]

he wasn't cut out to be no one's dad; not in a PAST life, where survival was everything, && any connection that couldn't be taken advantage would just slow you down // not in a PRESENT life, where he's just another high-school dropout running on street smarts // probably not in a FUTURE life.

he wasn't cut out to be no one's dad; but maybe, just maybe, he could be someone levi ( @st4rsinclined ) can look at, without the milk in his stomach curdling.

so he tried.

he takes the boy for a tour of the neighbourhood: they would visit the farmer's market to restock the pantry, && when he wasn't haggling, kenny would talk. he'd talk about ingredients, listing off what every man should have in his fridge, how it should be stored, && how to make the most out of nothing. afterwards, they'd visit kenny's favourite deli. he was buddy-buddy with the owner, && would schmooze him for the better part of an hour, before ordering a couple of sandwiches to go.

he teaches the boy how to use a knife: always assume it's sharp, never hold it unless you're ready to use it, always cut away from your body. basic safety. he nicked himself once or twice ― an inevitable part of the learning curve; && when he did, kenny was the one to slap a spider man band-aid onto a clean wound. kids love that sort of shit, right?

he teaches the boy how to throw a punch: thumb on the outside, wrist straight, punch through the person, && put all of your weight into it.

he tried. but then he fucking REMEMBERED, && there's a good chance levi will REMEMBER too.

kenny's convinced that when that happens, the boy will hate his guts. he'll never smile at him again, like he did on the day he was born.

he tried; it was all for nothing..

kenny doesn't have the heart to burn bridges with cigarette butts, so he erects crude signs ( DO NOT CROSS ) && draws lines in the sand with his finger instead. impermanent obstacles that fall apart && scatter after a few drinks.

❝ --mmm. not a bad idea, kid. . . i'd have to go to the market again ― you remember the one. . . used to take ya there with me sometimes, when you were about this tall- ❞ he articulates with a free hand, estimating ( badly ) how tall levi stood. ❝ after i sleep this hangover off, maybe i'll write down the stuff i need to buy. . . usually don't need a damn list, but the last time we went shopping without one, uri bought something that looked like a big ass parsnip, but it was actually some kind of fucking japanese radish. . .❞ it's not a bad idea, going to bed like a responsible adult, && sobering up. but where's the fun in that?

❝ i didn't think you could; i knew you could. . . guess i could have taken you to the surface with me, but i figured you'd slow me down. . . no, that's not true. . . i just couldn't stomach the thought of you ending up like me: a thieving, murderous bastard. . . one with kuchel's eyes. ❞ his gaze is cast downwards. ❝ her hands were never meant to hurt no one. . . even in the UNDERGROUND, she did what she could to make an honest living. i can't fault her for that. . . i just don't understand why she still- ❞ he doesn't finish. kenny doesn't want to go into it; levi doesn't want to go into it. he steals another bite of his waffle ― clumsily picking a hair out of the syrup. he doesn't know who's it is, && honestly, he doesn't even care. he just nibbles on fried batter, with forgiveness drizzled on top.

❝ hmm? your liege? . . . oh, yeah! the blond fella, with the schnoz. . . looks like the type of guy who'd remind the teacher that homework was due. . . ❞ kenny grins ― it's deranged, but genuine. . . && terribly short-lived.

❝ you ain't wrong; i am a sad sack of shit. i do drink too much. && uri absolutely deserves better. but you got it all mixed up; uri was && is the best thing that ever happened to me, && not the other way around. . . thing is, i'm a selfish piece of shit who won't let go when i want somethin' ― you should try it sometime. or are you still trying to be a hero? saving everyone's hide but your own? ❞

kenny isn't all bad && not all of his memories with him are bad, either.

one thing he had done when he had first opened the cafe && started to actually make money back, he had sat down at the bank && set up a savings account, one that he had mentally labeled the 'give back fund'. it had little to do with actually repaying people the money for his loan (though he keeps telling uri he will && uri keeps insisting it's fine) && more to do with setting money aside for his uncle. because without kenny, the cafe wouldn't have happened.

if he hadn't picked him up && stood him on a chair so that he could get a better look at what was on a counter, small fist forming around a pairing knife handle, then he wouldn't have cared about cooking as much as he does. his actual chef skills need work; he's leaned more toward baking as a vice where kenny cooks elaborate. but there had been those moments when he watched him && the normally drunk, neurotic man patiently explained cuts && vegetables && spices that paired well together. && levi had soaked it all up with wide, curious slate eyes that resembled his mother's as he teetered forward on the chair && tried to get closer.

so it's a thank you, the money that he's putting away, but he hasn't said a thing about it to either kenny or uri. he wants it to be a surprise, to be secret –– something that he can rely on if the drinking gets too much, if his money is spent too much. uri may be loaded, but there's a protectiveness in him, one that wants to make sure.

eyes sweep across him as he eats, as he talks –– a habit that doesn't extend toward levi, who has always preferred to be quiet && calculate, watch motions than actually speak. but he listens && his eyes soften, a soft flush coming up over his cheeks in embarrassment && an inkling of pride. it's not often that he's paid compliments, but sometimes kenny slips up –– sometimes he allows that emotional wall to fall down && pays a compliment that levi is never sure how to take.

❝ it's more than enough. you should cook again though –– maybe we can make a family dinner together. get mom out of the house for a bit. ❞ && away from the work that she keeps slipping back into, even though he wishes she wouldn't. levi feels that same frustration that he did when he was younger, when he would fight with his fists && kenny would be the one to pick him up, vowing not to tell kuchel what happened in favor for taking him to the arcade, to swindle something with too big doe eyes, to do anything but wallow in the black eye that he had received. he had taught him how to throw a real punch –– && that got him in trouble further when he got older.

levi doesn't blame him for his reaction. when levi had remembered, he had ran straight here, crying on uri's doorstep as rain soaked through his clothes until he wore himself out, tucked away in fever dreams of a life that wasn't exactly his. he's been spending more time here, too –– avoiding reality seems to be a thing him && his uncle have in common.

but he persists where he would normally back down. ❝ i don't blame you anymore for leaving me, you know. you did it because the ackerman power awakened. i get that. you thought i could survive on my own && you were right, really. ❞ a small frown on his face; levi had gone on to make his own terrifying name in the underground. it didn't rival kenny the ripper, but it was enough to take him into the sunlight up top.

tongue presses against the backs of his teeth for a moment. there's a personal detail that he could indulge, that could bring them closer together or push them further apart. kenny doesn't talk about the love that him && uri share –– it's just something that's there.

but levi knows better now. he knows what had been underlying in the bottom of it all, in the life that they had once shared. ❝ i couldn't leave my liege either, you know. i let him die because it's what he wanted, && it haunted me until his last request was fulfilled. ❞

there's another moment && levi exhales carefully through his nose, then sits across from his uncle, the one that he won't just let run away from this conversation. he's heard uri's piece on it already –– && maybe it's time to get it from someone who understands his point of view of it all.

❝ && he's the same one i've been seeing. but i'm not going to see him anymore. he has a family now, a chance of actual happiness without those memories. you were the best thing that ever happened to uri. his family is the best thing that ever happened to him. so yeah, remembering ruined everything –– but not for the reasons you keep thinking && beating yourself up for. it was a different time. you've done more now than you ever have for me. ❞ his voice is quiet, his fingers drumming against the table; he doesn't even know if kenny'll remember this conversation in the morning. maybe that's what emboldens him. ❝ so quit being a sad sack of shit && drinking so much –– you && uri deserve more than that && you know it. ❞