#genuine offer. ive missed talking to you all and also following peoples projects. i want to know what freaks are out there

[carnivalls]

feeling bored tell me about your most problematic character

[jishyucks]

Liar, Truther ‣ lmh

‣ genre: sorta f2l, fluff

‣ wc: 7.2k {dialogue heavy}

‣ summary: Your secret admirer’s plans are ruined when someone else claims to be who they’re not… you’re not aware of this

series m.list

The Cute Barista

i.

Somehow, it calms you down watching Minho make coffee. The way his eyes would naturally widen and how he’d bite his bottom lip when he focused on his mini project… it all intrigued you. If he messed up, he would let out a quiet tsk that he thought only he heard, but in reality, that one part of the coffee shop could hear it. You found it cute, how much genuine passion he put into simply making coffee or drinks in general. It was rare to see it in a person. 

When he looked up after finishing his task, you turned your head sharply back to your work, secretly hoping that he hadn’t seen you staring at him as he did his job. It’s not like he didn’t know you and you were being a stalker. You both talked to each other all the time, you even knew where each other lived, but still being caught staring at him would probably be the most embarrassing thing in the world.

Minho rounded the counter, your ordered coffee in one hand and a food item in the other. He approached your table and smiled, “For Miss Y/N, your usual with the hearts and a chocolate chip muffin.” 

You looked up at his warm eyes with a surprised expression, “Thanks for the coffee Minho… but I didn’t order this.” You pushed the muffin away from you and to Minho. 

He shook his head and pushed it back to you, “I know you didn’t, but I take orders from my customers and they specifically told me to give it to you when you come in.” Minho snorted quietly at your defeated look. You groaned and pulled the muffin towards you and stared at it like it was some foreign object. 

For the past few weeks, a secret admirer had been leaving you free items for when you came in. It wasn’t that you were ungrateful for free food, because who wouldn’t want that? It was more so because you didn’t know the person and there was no way you were able to repay them or thank them personally without knowing who they were. You felt like you were just taking the food and doing nothing else about it and you hated that.

You remember the first time you received a food item. You thought it was part of some reward thing at the cafe that you knew nothing about. It only occurred to you that someone had been buying you this stuff when Minho straight up explained to you the whole situation when you asked (more like forced) him to tell you.

“Tell them I say thank you,” you mutter with a pout on your lips. Minho gives you a warm smile before turning around to get back to work. He stopped in his tracks when you called him back, “Minho.” A questioning look filled his face. His eyebrow was raised and his hands rested naturally on his hips. 

“Can you tell me who it is?” 

For a second, Minho was actually at a loss of a perfect reply. Should he tell you who it is or keep it a secret? It wouldn’t be exciting if he told you who it was this way right? 

“It’s a secret.” He smirked and winked teasingly before heading back to his spot behind the counter. You were left slightly annoyed, though you did understand why he chose to not tell you. If you had been in the spot of your admirer, you would’ve wanted it to be a complete secret too. 

Sneaking another glance at Minho, a small tiny bit of your heart hoped that Minho was your secret admirer.

ii.

It was a funny sight seeing Minho being bombarded by a group of girls who only came to this specific little cafe for him. He was waving off the pieces of paper obviously ripped randomly from a loose leaf, a kind yet awkward smile occupying his face. By the looks of his mouth, it looked like he was repeating words, which was inaudible from the place you sat at. 

Once he had finally gently rejected the phone numbers of girls. A satisfied expression took over the distraught look as he jumped over the counter and made his way towards you. 

“You look extra dead today,” Minho slipped into the seat in front of you, leaning back to relax. He was on his fifteen, it was obvious by the fact he was still wearing his apron around his waist. 

You peaked up at him through the hair sitting over your arm and sighed, “Tell me something I don’t know.” Sitting up you offered him a small smile, “How was your day?”

He shrugged and let his head fall back, almost hitting the chair behind his, “Boring. Today was boring.” He reached for the window next to him, gliding his finger across the unbothered condensation to draw a cat. 

“Boring how?” You had abandoned the books in front of you and followed his finger with your eyes, watching as he started drawing a family of cats. That was probably the most adorable thing you’ve seen in ages.

“It just wasn’t the same today, aside from those girls,” he shrugged, “Also my lecture couldn’t have been any more boring. My professor has that monotone voice that can lull someone to sleep.” He sat back up properly, looking back at you instead of the frosty window. 

“I’m guessing you fell asleep,” you laughed quietly. You wanted to ask him why he didn’t give at least one of those girls a chance, but he quickly interrupted your thoughts, causing you to easily forget about it.

“You guessed right,” he said proudly, “Not that I wanted to sleep, though. I tried my best to stay awake  but my head started doing that thing where it just jerks down and I just let it be. It is what it is.”

You both let out low laughs so that none of you would disturb the rest of the cafe. He glanced down at his watch and sighed, “I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

You let out a sigh similar to Minho’s as he walked back behind the counter, helping out Hongjoong who was beginning to juggle a few more drinks than he could handle. 

Not even ten minutes later, Minho had returned to your table, a ginger molasses cookie sitting snugly in a cute paper bag in hand. He slid it gently on top of your books, making sure you could see it.

“Again?” Your eyes brightened up at the sight of the cookie. It looked freshly baked, and just by tapping it with your fingertip, it was still soft.

Minho laughed and nodded, “Disappointed?”

“Not at all,” you shook your head and picked up the treat, taking in the scent, “You know my deal.”

Before he returned to the counter, he patted your shoulder, “I know. I make sure he knows you’re grateful.”

iii.

The half eaten cookie was sitting on your bedside table. You wanted to savour it a bit more. Plus, it could help you channel the depths of your brain on who your secret admirer could be. 

You remembered Minho stating that your admirer was a he, so that made it easier to pick out who they could be. 

You skipped over Minho as one of the possibilities. Part of you just simply didn’t want to get your hopes up. Then the other part of you was thinking that it obviously couldn’t be Minho. He was the deliverer. The messenger, you could say. How stupid could Minho be for him to be both your secret admirer and the deliverer? 

Pretty stupid, you think. 

Then you thought about his coworkers. The ones you only ever interacted with and saw all the time were Hongjoong and Jungwoo. And as far as you knew, they both were either already taken or way too busy to even keep up with a relationship. 

Your mind wandered over to the other people at the cafe. A few of them were familiar to you, seeing them on campus or in a class a couple times.  A handful of them, the regulars, you just memorized their faces and their voices due to the amount of times they’ve been at the cafe. At the top of your head you mentally put them down on a list even if some of their names were unknown to you. 

You wondered if that person always was in the cafe the same time as you were or if they just paid beforehand and told Minho to give the food item to you when you came in. 

Then your mind, as much as you told it not to, shifted towards the idea that maybe it was Minho. You laughed out a bit, covering your mouth with your forearm. Maybe you were pretty stupid for thinking that. Out of all the girls that gawked over him at the cafe, him choosing you would be the funniest joke known to man. It’s impossible. 

As if you were physically writing in a notepad, you flipped the page full of the potential admirers and at the top of the page wrote ‘Reasons it could be Minho.’ This was partly just a way to joke about it, easing the tension you created within yourself. But then you also wanted to see the actual possibility of it being Minho. With this, you were literally digging your own grave. It was like you unconsciously wanted to get your hopes up. Even if you knew there was a chance of getting hurt at the end, you continued anyway. 

One: He’s the only one I actually have had a conversation with in the cafe. Then your mind contradicted itself and the idea that an admirer didn’t need to be someone you’ve talked to. 

Two: Is it a coincidence that the treats were often my favourites? But then again, maybe your admirer just noticed that you always get those specific pastries. 

Three: His reactions when he hands me them are suspicious. Then maybe Minho feels nothing for me and loves being the wingman for your admirer. Minho did seem to be the kind to love romantic films… maybe he just loved watching the one he was a part of in real life. 

Four: Only Minho gives me them. Never any Hongjoong or Jungwoo… was that also a coincidence? Nothing to defend that one.

Though that last reason was kind of a reach, you pushed your brain to star it. That was the reason that maybe, maybe, Minho was actually your secret admirer. 

iv. 

You entered the cafe craving your afternoon caffeine. It was quieter than usual and less people occupied the tables. Only two other people sat down and Hongjoong was the only employee who was behind the counter. 

“Y/N!” He greeted as he slithered his way towards the cashier, “The usual?” 

You nodded and let your head drift towards the back of the store. Hongjoong chuckled quietly, “He’s not here today if you’re looking for Minho.” 

Panicking you use your hands to wave off his possible accusations and laugh sheepishly, “No no, it’s not like that. I just had a question for him.” You couldn’t help but feel heat creeping up your cheeks. If only you could reach over and punch the blonde headed boy for that. 

“What is it?” Once the satisfying beep sounded from the machine, you followed him to the end of the counter and leaned against the waiting area by the coffee machines. 

You hesitated for a bit before making up your mind. If your admirer did ask Minho to send you the gifts then maybe Hongjoong has seen him too, “I wanted to ask him who’s been giving me those freebies.” 

A smirk crept up onto Hongjoong’s face, hands busy with making coffee. His smirk transitioned into a small smile, one in which you could basically read that he knew of the person. 

“Spill,” you begged. A pout had naturally overtook your face, eyes growing big in hopes it’d fool Hongjoong into revealing who it was. 

“You know I can’t tell you, right?” He gave you a brief ‘are you kidding me?’ look before he went back to working. 

“What do you mean you can’t tell me?” 

“It’s a secret,” he shrugged, pouting his own lips, “Why do you want to know anyways?” His reply reminded you of Minho’s reply when you asked him yourself. Secret. 

“I wanna make up for all the stuff they’re giving me,” you watched as Hongjoong effortlessly poured the beverage into a glass mug before he slid it gently over to you, “Can’t you give me a hint?” Your voice slightly echoed in the cafe. Either that or you were just thinking things. 

The boy stood back and rested his hands on his hips. Head lifting, he furrowed his eyebrows and hummed, “Hmm, let me think…” 

You leaned forward as if he were about to tell you a deep secret, eager to gain knowledge that could possibly help eliminate some of the potentials on your mental list. 

“He…” Hongjoong mirrored your figure, bending down against the counter. He glanced around, acting like people were close enough to hear before he spoke quietly, “Goes to this cafe.”

You gasped and flicked his finger lightly, “No shit.”

Bursting out laughing, he pushed himself off of the counter to stand back up, winking, “You should’ve seen your face!... I told you, it’s a secret. I’d tell you if I could but I’m loyal.”

Groaning, you roll your eyes, “Okay Kim Hongjoong, whatever you say… thanks for the drink by the way.” He was still in a fit of laughter when you turned to sit at your usual table. 

You laid out the things you needed to finish, making sure you didn’t knock over the beverage at the end of the table. With long hours ahead of you, you needed every drop that was sitting in that cup… and maybe a few refills too. 

The world around you was willingly blocked out as you had your earphones plugged in and playing loud. You weren’t aware of the volume, but the people who were sitting in the cafe probably heard the heavy parts of the song. You didn’t care, it put you in the zone. Being fueled with caffeine and being placed in a different atmosphere other than the stuffy air of your apartment, these factors really did help motivate you to work. 

If it hadn’t been for the silence in between the songs, you wouldn’t have noticed the stranger sitting in front of you, trying to get your attention. Startled, you tugged roughly at the chord of your earphones and smiled sheepishly, “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been there for?” 

You really had no idea how in the hell this boy placed himself there without your knowledge. It made you wonder how easy it would have been for kidnappers to just take you, or for someone to fish out some money from your bag. 

“Not long,” he shyly smiled, “I’m Minjun.” The longer you stared at him, the more you recognized him as someone from one of your classes. You probably took one glance at him and never again. Not on purpose, though. 

“Y/N,” you nodded your head, fingers not leaving the surface of your laptop, “Um… may I ask why you came here?” 

Minjun’s eyes twinkled, remembering why he hauled himself there in the first place, “I – uh – overheard you talking to him,” He pointed over at Hongjoong who was preoccupied with something entertaining on his phone, “About an admirer.” 

He had suddenly stolen all your attention, reeling it in like it was a fish. You nodded. He noticed your eyes light up as well, “Yeah. It’s been frustrating for me, not knowing who it is.”

Was I really speaking that loud? Damn. 

“What if I told you it was me?” Minjun had one of those smiles that begged for attention. It was that beautiful and he knew it by the way he smiled at you. 

Oh. 

It wasn’t a disappointed ‘oh.’ Sure a small part of you had hoped for Minho to be telling you this, but you weren’t disappointed that it’s Minjun. It was better that it was him than a complete stranger. 

“Is it really?” You feel the corners of your mouth being pulled up gently. All those little items of food, the way they made your heart flutter, the thought put into it… it was all Minjun? 

He nodded bashfully, “I was going to tell you later on but from how frustrated you sounded, I guess it’d be better sooner than later.”

“H-how can I make it up to you?” You blurted, “I’m really thankful for all those gifts.” 

“A date? With me?” He suggested. Minjun played his own game of thumb war out of nervousness, waiting for your answer. 

A certain boy lingered at the back of your head, reminding you that he existed. But then Minjun still held that sweet smile on his and you were recalled that you wanted to make it up to him. If he wanted a date, then why not? 

“That would be nice.”

v.

Minho dropped off your usual and a mini croissant along with it. You couldn’t help but smile at the treat. You thought that upon revealing himself, Minjun would’ve stopped giving you the treats, but you were wrong. 

The barista sat across from you, letting out a loud groan to express the feeling of finally getting to sit down after hours of working, “Long time no see.” He was slumped down in the chair, eyes struggling to stay open as he watched you work. 

“It’s only been a week or so,” you laughed, shaking your head at his exaggeration. You continued to write whatever nonsense it was on your paper, not bothering to look at the exhausted look on Minho’s face.

He shrugged, “Feels like it. What have you been up to anyway?” Leaning over, he snooped at your work, humming in pretend fascination. 

“School,” you reply monotonically. You didn’t feel like telling Minho about Minjun. The presence of the croissant was enough to let you know that Minjun had probably told you himself. 

“I see,” he continued to look over your notes, leaning in closer to watch you jot down some definitions. Feeling his breath against your head, you raise your head out of curiosity, bumping your head hard against his forehead. Minho jumped back, holding his hand against his forehead, in turn, you hold the crown of your head. 

“Oh shit I’m sorry!” you gasped. You leaned forward to get a proper look of him, alarmed at the sudden incident. If your head hurt as much as it did now, you wondered how his forehead felt. 

“It’s okay,” he chuckled lightly, rubbing it in circles, “It was an accident.” His eyes were squeezed tight and lips pressed together into a thin line. 

“You sure you're okay? You look like you’re in pain,” You continued to look at him, concerned. 

“I swear I–“ 

“Hey Y/N!” 

Looking up at the entrance of the cafe, your attention turns to Minjun who’s waving at you, smile lighting up the room. He was slowly making his way towards your table, eyes drawn to Minho’s hunched figure. 

Once he got to your table, Minho finally noticed the presence of someone else, eyes trailing from Minjun’s shoes to his face. He couldn’t hide his confusion, face twisting into an expression neither you or Minjun noticed, “Hey, I missed you after class earlier.”

“Sorry, I was in a hurry. I’ll wait for you next time,” you grinned. 

Minho couldn’t help but regret not prolonging his pain. It was like you had suddenly forgotten about the incident not even thirty seconds ago. To him it seemed like all your attention was on this new boy. 

“Gotta get back,” he whispered to you. 

“I’ll talk to you later?” 

He did a tiny salut, standing up and excusing himself from both you and Minjun. Taking this opportunity, Minjun slid into the same seat, fixing his stuff alongside yours. 

“Who is that?” Minho hopped smoothly over the counter, taking his place beside Jungwoo who had his mind set on fixing a drink for a customer. Minho was only asking because you’ve never brought a guy in with you. You were always alone. 

Jungwoo shrugged, bending down slightly to get to eye level with the cup, “I’ve seen him a few times. Don’t know who he is though.” Scraping some out of place foam off of the top, he placed the drink gently in front of the customer who had been waiting patiently.

Moving his eyes towards the both of you, he kept the direction of his head down at the cashier, pretending to count the non-existent money in his hand. 

“Don’t worry about him,” Jungwoo couldn’t help but laugh at how his friend was acting. Like a protective, almost jealous boyfriend, though Minho wasn’t aware of his actions, “What if they’re just partners for a project or something?”

Partners for a project looking like that? Pfft. Minho glared at his co-worker, waving him off, annoyed, “I’m not worrying abo–”

Jungwoo eyed Minho with a soft yet threatening expression. It looked like he was reading any thought that seemed to appear in Minho’s head, “He’s not going to ruin your plan, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“How do you know that?” 

“I just know,” Jungwoo urged, “This is just a sign you should tell Y/N that you’re that admirer she keeps asking about. It won’t hurt, you know. What if she chooses you over him?”

Jungwoo had a point. But for some reason, the presence of this other boy threatened Minho. He was even more afraid to ask you out compared to when he hadn’t crossed paths with you.

vi.

“Hello?” You tapped the back end of your pencil against your notebook, staring out at the street full of busy people. 

“Y/N!” Minjun greeted through the phone. 

You smiled, “What’s up? Why’d you call?”

“Wanna eat out tonight? It’s a Friday and I know you worked hard this week.”

Preferring some good food instead of the repetitive instant ramen, you accepted Minjun’s invite and quickly ended the call to get home to fix yourself up. 

Standing up, you didn’t notice that someone had been standing behind you, causing you to stumble clumsily over their feet. 

“Woah there,” Minho laughed. He caught your wrist to steady you, “Where are you going in such a hurry?” You had noticed that his apron wasn’t tied around his waist and he had a jacket sitting over his shoulders, “Home. You scared me!”

“Home? I’ll walk you.” He picked up the remaining books on the table and handed them to you for you to place in your bag, “My shift is done.” He waited for your answer as you zipped your bag up and swung it over your shoulder.

“Sure, I’d appreciate that,” you smiled. He gestured for you to lead the way, trailing behind you not long after. Once out of the cafe, he quickened his pace to walk next to you, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets and away from the late winter air. 

“So why were you actually in a hurry?” He looked down at you, “That excited to sleep or something?”

You chose not to look back at him, afraid to complete the eye contact, but you hummed and smiled, “Nope, I’m going out.”

Minho held himself back from asking any more questions. Instead he settled with a, “Oh that’s cool.” In the back of his mind, he could guess that you were going out with that guy he saw the other day. 

“Yeah, I’m happy. Only time I’m out of the house is at school or the cafe,” you skipped a bit in your step and tightened your grip on your bag’s straps out of slight excitement. 

Minho didn’t reply. It wasn’t like he wasn’t happy for you if you were dating that guy, he was just drowning at the thoughts drenching his head. Didn’t you like your secret admirer? Even if you didn’t like him, didn’t you at least wanted to have that special spot open for your admirer? It didn’t make sense. It’s like this other boy came out of nowhere and interfered with his play. 

A poke at his side interrupted his train of thought, causing him to jump dangerously close to the curb. Laughing, you held him from going any further, “I meant to catch your attention not almost kill you!”

Minho looked down at your hand holding his forearm gently, “You almost did!”

You let out another fit of laughter and let go of him, “You looked deep in thought and I couldn’t help but ask what’s got your face to look like this.” Planting yourself into one spot on the street, you fix your face into one identical to Minho’s. 

“I don’t look like that when I’m thinking,” he gasped, slapping his cheeks as if it would keep it from distorting that way. 

You raised a brow, “Aha, that’s what you think but in actuality, you do. My eyes are witnesses.” Your apartment building crawled closer and closer and with each step you began to forget about your dinner with Minjun. 

“Then this is what you look like when you’re focused,” Minho mocks. He pulls at his cheeks and sticks out his tongue ever-so-slightly out of the corner of his mouth. 

“So I look like roadkill when I’m focusing.”

No you look cute when you’re focused. “Yup,” he tapped at your temple, “That studying is helping after all.” 

Rolling your eyes, you shake your head as you laugh, mood slowly declining at the arrival at your apartment building, “Bye Minho, thanks for walking me home.” You make your way towards the front door. 

“I-I’ll see you later?” he quickly blurted. 

You grinned and turned to him at the front steps of your building. Under the setting sun, the light bounced softly off of Minho’s cheekbones, eyes slightly squinted. He waved like a young child, jacket hanging loosely from his shoulder and hair being thrown around by the subtle wind in the air. Something from this simple sight made the butterflies in your stomach go crazy. It was a weird feeling but you liked it. 

You really did wish that he was your secret admirer.

You grinned and waved back, “See you later.”

vii.

“So… how did you think of doing that whole secret admirer thing for me?” All secret admirers have their motives. Whether really cheesy or sweet, to something as simple as ‘you just really caught my attention,’ all answers were worth a listen. And you wanted to hear Minjun’s reason. 

Taking a bite out of his food, you didn’t notice the look of slight panic from his face as his eyes darted around the restaurant to conjure up a reason. 

“I…” he jabbed his fork a few handful of times into his pasta as he used his head to think, “I didn’t realize how much I liked you until I started to see you often between the cafe and school. I guess I was too shy to talk to you so I guess I just used this way to win your attention.”

You couldn’t help but feel your cheeks heat up at his explanation. He did that just for your attention? Judging by the person Minjun was, he didn’t need to spend all that money on you, “I-I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s okay, you don’t need to say anything… it’s just nice to tell you how I felt,” he offers you a genuine smile before taking another bite of his food. 

“Actually I have one request,” you were afraid to ask him. You had no idea if he’d be offended by it or not, but it wasn’t hard to do it. He hummed in response, mouth still full of food, “Would it be okay for you to stop giving me the treats? It’s not that I’m not grateful for them, which I am and I’m sure the baristas at the cafe let you know that, but I feel bad because you keep on spending the money for me when I have no idea how I’m supposed to give back all the time.”

By the end of your request, Minjun finished his bite, “If that’s what you want,” he gulps, “But that won’t stop me from giving you one once in a while.” 

You rolled your eyes playfully and took a bite of your own food. Quickly chowing it down, you questioned him again, “How did you know what pastries I liked? There was not one I didn’t like.”

A bystander would have the right to call you oblivious when you didn’t notice the blank look on Minjun’s face. He was unable to think of an answer quick, losing control of his expressions even in front of you. 

“Lucky guess,” he shrugged, taking a sip of his water, “Maybe I’m psychic.”

You pinned a loose grin onto your face. Even when you tried to do so, the smile didn’t reach your eyes. The answer wasn’t one you were expecting. You tried to let it fly past your head, not wanting to ruin the moment between you and Minjun. But it didn’t mean you’d forget about his answer forever. 

viii.

Even with your specific request to Minjun about the free food items he’d be giving you, every time you chose to hang and study in the cafe, you received a pastry that you hadn’t paid for. Like always, Minho made sure each and every one of the pastries were warm, placing it gently on the last little space left on your table among your things. 

You were genuinely thankful for the constant present being gifted to, but you wished that Minjun really did listen to your request. It wasn’t hard to stop sending the message-less ‘pastry grams.’ And it wasn’t like you guys don’t see each other at all. In fact, you were able to see him every other day during class and in the cafe about twice a week. 

Minho hissed quietly when he feels hot water come in contact with the skin of his hands. He pulled his arm closer to his body and fanned it as if it would help the pain subside. 

“And that’s why you need to pay attention when working,” Hongjoong slid to his side and started cleaning up the mess Minho made on the counter. 

Squinting at his hand, he noticed how the scorching water had left a red imprint on his hand, “I was.” He picked up the coffee cup and dropped it into the sink, grabbing another one to start again. 

“Having your eyes planted on the couple isn’t being focused,” Hongjoong leaned against the counter and chuckled at the sight of his friend’s distraught face. 

Minho glared at him, “Don’t call them a couple. That’s gross.” 

“They seem like it though,” Hongjoong pouted in a way that was ‘all knowing.’ This expression was wiped clean off of his face when Minho sent him a glare that could probably kill a person if he tried, “I’m joking! I thought your secret admirer plan was working.”

Minho frowned at the thought of his failing plot, turning away from Hongjoong, “I thought it was too. But apparently Y/N likes face to face interaction more than those stupid ass pastries.” 

Hongjoong gasped, “Jungwoo did you hear that?”

Jungwoo crashed through the back door, causing it to swing way off of its route, “Hear what?”

Hongjoong reached for Minho’s elbow, pulling the self-doubting boy towards him, “He called his treats plan stupid!” 

This time, Jungwoo gasped, “Don’t say that! You know damn well it was working.”

Minho shrugged, “If you call that working then yeah sure.” He jutted his head towards you and Minjun and smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes.

Hongjoong was about to speak up, only to be interrupted by the sound of an impatient customer clearing his throat at the register. 

Minho couldn’t help but blame himself for holding off asking you out and being the coward he was. If he had been brave enough to ask out in the first place, then maybe you wouldn’t have been sitting across from Minjun in the first place. 

He let the fake smile fall from his face and turned towards the customer, “What would you like for today?” 

ix.

“Bye Jungwoo.” Minho was about to hop over the counter like always, only he was stopped by Jungwoo holding him down by his wrist, “Wait where are you going?” 

The cafe was close to empty, the only customers inside were you and Minjun helping each other study for an upcoming exam. The sky outside was nearing pitch black, the beautiful light blue being pushed down by the darker shade. 

“Home. Where else?” raising a brow at his friend, he waited for a reply. He had a pack of ramen waiting for him at home and the faster he got home, the sooner he could cook and eat it. 

“But you haven’t given Y/N that,” Jungwoo pointed to a slice of banana bread sitting with the other cafe baked goods. 

“What’s the use if he’s here,” Minho reasoned, “It’s okay, I’ll just do it–”

“I’ll give it to her when you leave,” Jungwoo offered, “I know what you’re thinking.” Minho grinned, and glanced between you and the banana bread as Jungwoo laid a hand on his shoulder to assure him. He knew Minho was afraid to answer him so he took his silence as a green light.

Minho bid him another goodbye before turning to the door.

While you looked down at your notes, you spotted Minho making his way to the door at the corner of your eye. You had no idea if you should look up or not. He hadn’t come up to you to talk like how he usually would. You couldn’t help but think that he was mad at you for something. Or maybe he just wasn’t having it at all lately. 

Nevertheless, you fought the thoughts at the back of your head and still looked up to smile at him, waving at him. You caught Minho’s eye and he turned, allowing a wide smile to show up on his face. His wave was brief, but not long after, he pulled the cafe door open and left without a single word. Your smile faltered into a subtly baffled look, confused at his behaviour. You knew that if Minho had something on his mind, he’d choose to tell you.

“We can finish this one last topic and then we can leave,” Minjun yawned, “I’m getting really tired.”

“That sounds good,” you agreed, flipping your book’s page. Even if your mind should be trained on the bolded words of your textbook, you still couldn’t wave off Minho from lingering at the back of your head.

Halfway down the page, Jungwoo had gone up to your table, a smile stretched upon his face, “Sorry, I’m just here to–” He put down a nicely wrapped slice of banana bread by your hand, patting it gently as he did, “Give this to you. From your admirer.”

“Ah, thanks Jungwoo,” you said. He nodded and walked back to the counter to begin cleaning up. You turned to Minjun who kept his eyes between the lines of the notes, “Minjun, I told you that you don’t need to give me these anymore.” The cafe was so quiet that your voice had accidentally come out louder than you intended, catching the attention of today’s messenger boy easily. 

Jungwoo didn’t know how to react at first. He was caught off guard by the miscommunication and the mistake you had made. 

“What?” Jungwoo left the dirty rag at the counter, inching closer to you by the second, “Him? Give you these?” At realization, Minjun’s eyes widened, unable to speak up.

“Minjun’s my secret admirer… h-he told me two weeks ago,” you quickly explained to Jungwoo, forcing ourselves a nervous laugh. The look on Jungwoo’s face was one you’ve never seen before and it scared you. You’ve always known him as the angel of the three, Hongjoong being the cheeky boy, and Minho was one you liked to call heartthrob because of how he was with other women. But this Jungwoo, he looked like an angry puppy. 

“No… you’ve got it wrong,” he retorted stiffly, “He’s not your admirer.”

When your gaze fell upon Minjun, he avoided eye contact, “Minjun is this true?” Your heart was beating fast. And not in a good way. Mixing up with fatigue, confusion, and the realization of probably being lied to hurt your chest and you didn’t know what to say. 

“Y-yes,” Minjun whispered, “But I can explain… I truly do like you and I… found this as my opportunity to get to you. I’m really sorry and–”

“So you ruined someone else’ opportunity, which they worked hard for, just so you can make a move on me?” You were angry, though you chose not to raise your voice. He nodded.

“Selfish. No offense, Minjun, but that’s a dick move. I don’t like liars,” you begin to clean your stuff up, “I can’t believe I’ve been sticking around you for the past few weeks.”

“I-I know I was being stupid, and I’m truly sorry,” he apologized, “Please forgive me.”

“You know what? I should’ve known you were lying when you couldn’t give me a proper reason on how you knew which pastries I liked,” you stood up and looked down at him, “ ‘Lucky guess’? What kind of fucking answer is that? I’m sorry but I don’t want to be around someone like you. Goodbye.”

Pulling Jungwoo out of the cafe, tears brimming your eyes out of frustration, you turned to him and questioned, “Who is it?” There was a hint of desperation in your eyes that you didn’t mean to add. At this point you wanted to meet the person who truly worked hard to win you heart. 

“I think you already know it is… you just keep doubting yourself,” Jungwoo replied sneakily. The smirk on his was taunting and it actually somewhat scared you into thinking. It was Minho. 

“Minho?”

Jungwoo exaggerated a shrug, pouting, “Oh, I don’t know…” And with that Jungwoo confirmed it was the boy who your heart actually suspected this entire time. Lee Minho.

Thanking Jungwoo, you flew towards the direction of Minho’s house, not even minding the weight of your bag as you sprinted for your life. This whole time it had been Minho. It explained everything. How, aside from today, he had given you them himself. How he’d smiled a certain way when you received the treats. How he knew which ones were your favourite. It’s not because of a lucky guess… it was all because he knew you well like how you knew him well. You were glad it was him. 

You caught your breath before you rang the doorbell, trying to find the words to say. Your mind was alphabet soup. Words and letters all jumbled up. It could take you much longer than you wished to think of what to say. 

Before you could even think of at least a decent thing to blurt out, Minho opened the door, the smell of freshly cooked ramen drifting out the doorway.

“Y/N?” He blinked a few times to make sure you were real, “What are you doing here? Come in.”

You followed him inside, still not letting a word come out of your mouth. You figured it would be better to be sure of what you were going to say to this oblivious barista. He didn’t know why you were there. But you did. 

He gestured for you to sit down as he went straight for the stove, stirring the ramen slowly. “I’m here because,” you start quietly. You searched around the room, still unsure of what to say. When your eyes fell upon the bag at your feet, a lightbulb had lit up in your untidy brain, “I’m here because of… of this!” You slid the slice of banana bread onto his table and nodded, “Yeah, because of this.”

Minho laughed, “Because of banana bread? You know I don’t bake those myself right?” He reached for a bowl in his cupboard and looked back at you, “Do you want some ramen?”

“Just a little bit please,” You started playing with the slice of food, “I’m not here to complain about the bread.” You tried to muster up all the energy in your body to finally get to the point. The past fifteen minutes have been a rollercoaster ride. This was the second drop. 

“Then why are you here?” Minho seemed to have lost all of his brain cells, completely forgetting the conversation he had with Jungwoo before he left for home. 

“I’m here because I know you’re the one giving me this,” you hold up the bread, “And all the other ones before it.”

Minho choked, dropping the empty glass bowl in his hand. Crashing to the ground, he let out a shit before he went straight for a broom and dustpan. You make your way over to him, helping him out.

“H-how did you find out?” He continued to sweep the floor, making sure no glass shards were left behind. It was also an excuse to not look at you, afraid to make eye contact. What if you didn’t like him back and this was your way to reject him?

“Minjun… he pretended to be you,” you stood over him, silently asking for him to finally look at you, “He said he was the one giving me the pastries, and I believed him even when I had a hint of doubt in my heart.” 

Minho didn’t know what to say, so you took this as a chance to continue talking.

“I just found out now that he’s been lying… and Jungwoo, he didn’t tell me it was you but he… hinted it was.”

Finally Minho stood up. This time it was him that was towering over the other. His cheeks a tint of red, unknown to you if it was from bending down or the secrets being revealed. 

“Are you disappointed that it’s me?” His voice grew frail and you wanted to just throw your arms around him and tell him you weren’t. 

But you stopped yourself, “No. Of course not! I’m… I’m actually relieved that it’s you.” The bashful smile that slowly revealed itself on Minho’s face caused your heart to flutter. He bowed his head as it grew wider by the second. It was like he couldn’t keep his emotions in.

“S-so you like me back?” 

You took a step closer, making sure eye contact was complete between the two of you. You grabbed his hands and brought your lips to his firmly before pulling back. 

“How’s that for an answer?” He didn’t reply, “Minho?”

Minho stood in shock for a few moments, unable to take his eyes off of you. He held a hand up to his lips, tips of his ears turning beet red. Once reality kicked back in, he leaned forward himself and pressed his lips against yours the same way you did. 

After he pulled away he beamed, “So… Ramen?”

a/n: Please leave a like if you enjoyed this!

[willowistic22]

"He urgently needs soup" for Ikeshot?

I got that school project done yayy which means I am back to writing my heart out in newsies fanfics JAHFJNFJKSNJSDF. i wrote this from start to finish for like 3-4 hours straight lol i wish i was this productive every day. one of my favorite and very underrated ship btw so i was soo excited to write it. and also might be a little too long than my other drabble request but hey ive been saying that for almost all of my drabble requests so im sorry not sorry  ✌🤪

requests are still closed for now till i have the motivation to reblog another prompt list but that also just applies to requests in general lol. till then, enjoy this and my next drabble request still in the works. 

He lets the cool night breeze be his company, sitting on the outdoor table of the restaurant his date told him to meet him at. Hotshot didn’t want to order till his date arrive, despite the loud grumbling coming from his stomach. Hotshot isn’t sure how long he has before starvation gets the best of him. Because it’s been well over an hour and a half, and his date hasn’t arrived yet. 

He bounces his leg frantically, the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach worsens with every passing moment of not knowing. Hotshot puts all his energy and focus on the small details around him, ruffling his dark brown hair, fidgeting his fingers together. Doing all that just to distract his brain from what’s most likely happening right now. 

This can’t actually be happening, can it? Why would Hotshot get stood up on the third date? The one where his date had chosen what to do and promised to pay for it? Besides, it seemed that his date was showing genuine interest in him. Or did Hotshot just got too excited and read it all wrong? Is this suppose to be some sort of sign he needs to decipher? 

God, he hated those intrusive thoughts. It gave him a sudden headache, forcing him to pull away his focus from the tiny lights the restaurant had hanged for decorations. Putting his elbow on the table, Hotshot uses his palm to support his heavy head. 

“Are you ready to order now?” The same waitress came back to ask the same question for the seventh time, or is this the eight? Hotshot can only shake his head, the same answer he’s been providing every time that question is thrown at him, turning his face away just to avoid seeing the pity the waitress showed.

Hotshot still wants to hope for the best outcome, but him and every other people noticing his loneliness knows what’s happening. Still, he pulls out his phone to see if his date had responded to his text or he had missed a call. Nothing. Hotshot moves to text his friend Spot, asking him for a second opinion on what to do. 

It fucking sucks because I really like him. Hotshot had texted. He has to have a proper explanation for being this late, right?

He waits for the texting bubbles from Spot to turn into readable text, which didn’t took too long. 

You call two hours late? Look, I’m sorry I have to say this but he stood you up! 

Hotshot doesn’t respond for a moment because he doesn’t want to believe what his friend said. More texting bubbles starts to appear. He places his phone on the table to wait what more Spot has to say. 

I’m saying this because you’re my friend, Hotshot. Come over and we’ll talk about it

That offer looks tempting in Hotshot’s eyes. Before he could reply, the screen of his phone switches to the call display. The name on it confuses him, seeing that he had been ignoring Hotshot for the whole night. 

Hotshot was hesitant to answer it at first, but maybe it’s worth to listen what kind of sorry excuse he had for his lateness. That is, if this still counts as being late. 

“Hello?” Hotshot hesitantly spoke as he put his phone up to his ear. 

“Hey, uhh... a-are you still waiting at the restaurant?” The voice asked, tone nervously shaking. Hotshot could pick up some background noises from the callers end, it’s quite loud but it sounds like there’s too many things happening there to the point he can’t really tell what is what. 

“Yeah, yeah I am. Where are you?” 

There was a little pause for a second before he finally responded again, “So... remember I told you that I have a twin brother?” 

“Yes?” 

“And how I exaggerated about him being a total dumbass and an overall useless human being?” He continued on with a little awkward laughter following after, “Well, you’ll never believe what just happened and where I’m at right now” 

Ike’s in the hospital. The emergency room to be exact. Ike’s brother, Mike, had gotten himself into a drunken accident while he was at a bar. Ike didn’t fully explain what happened because he has no idea what happened there himself.

Hotshot thought Ike genuinely felt bad for leaving him hanging like that. He wanted to tell him but he was just too caught up with what’s happening at the moment. Things had just calmed down on his end, which is why it took him two hours to call Hotshot. 

He told Hotshot to come see him at the emergency room and get takeout for them to enjoy, plus a little something for Mike. Hotshot briefly explained to Spot what was really happening before he head to the hospital to make sure he doesn’t leave his friend hanging. 

The ER is packed with people. Whether they’re there as a patient or as a health worker in the middle of doing their night shift. A strong smell of latex and other medical scents filled his nostrils as soon as he stepped through the automatic doors. The lights are nearly blinding, but it didn’t took long for him to adjust to it.

He scanned the place to look for a small specific boy in the midst of the rush. He finally spotted a familiar face in the far back, hunched over a hospital bed. Hotshot caught his attention with a wave of his hand, which made him stand up from his seat to walk over to him. 

Hotshot makes his own way to him and they meet in the middle of their path. He bends down a little to give Ike a hug once they’ve gotten close enough, but Ike parted with an awkward smile, “I’m sorry. I really didn’t planned on having a date at the ER!” 

To which they both laughed as they make their way to Mike’s hospital bed. 

“What did you get?” Ike asked, finally noticing the takeaway bag Hotshot was carrying. 

“Nothing more than what you suggested on getting” Hotshot replied. Ike had suggested on getting the seafood dishes because that’s their specialty. But he specifically directs Hotshot on what to get for Mike. 

“That means you ordered something for Mike?” He asked, and got a simple nod as a reply, “Good. ‘Cause from what I can tell with his current condition...” 

He moves the hospital curtain to reveal an identical figure lying helplessly on the bed, a cast on the left arm and another cast wrapped around his head. Ike leans his weight against the bed railings with his hands before adding on, “... he urgently needs soup” 

“Is this the guy that keeps on kidnapping you from me to go on corny dates?” The boy on the bed managed to speak up. He looks a little disoriented but his consciousness is present. 

“Mike, we’ve only been on two dates” 

“And he’s gonna keep on doing it, is he?!”

Hotshot laughed at the brotherly interaction before Ike finally pulled a second chair for him. Mike gets his soup, despite still not being able to function properly, while Hotshot and Ike gets to have their third date. The two eat their respective dishes accompanied with a small chat but mostly getting entertained with Mike who’s either still under the influence of anesthesia or the alcohol. Maybe they’re lucky and got both. 

“I’m so sorry our dinner date had to turn into... ‘this’...” Ike put down his wooden spoon in the small food container to gesture his hands towards his brother, “And I’m sorry that it looked like I stood you up” 

“It’s okay. I mean, at least this isn’t another corny date like what he said” 

To which, Ike responded with a small laugh. 

“I should step up my game and get my friend to third wheel us on another ER date next time” Hotshot joked, earning a laugh from Ike, “Taking you on corny dates would piss your brother off” 

“Mike’s an idiot but he’s harmless” Ike explained after he stopped his laughing, “And... I don’t mind the corny dates. I just enjoy going out with you in general!”

Hotshot smiles at him sweetly and Ike returns the favor, ignoring the reality of where they actually are. It made him feel warm to know Ike felt the same way about hanging out with him. Because Hotshot clearly likes him. A lot. 

“Jesus, guys! Get a room!” Mike called out. He might still be a little dysfunctional but he’s sober enough to realize the tension between them, “Don’t gotta make me and my soup feel single while you two make out in public!” 

Hotshot looks down to his food to hide his laugh, whilst Ike gives his brother the stink eye but manages out a laugh. He face Hotshot again, “I swear, this isn’t how I wanted you two to meet” 

[64-bitsims]

I know my blog has been pretty negative lately

With everything going on in the simblr community that is shitty, I thought it would be nice to get away from that and send out some love to my favorite simblrs. This is by no means a complete list-- I love everyone I follow and all of my followers. This is just simblrs I've talked to a lot or am close with, or those whose stories or posts I follow closely.

@camisimblr is one of the most friendly, funny, and down to earth person I’ve ever met, and the first person I truly talked to regularly on here. She’s working through her Not So Berry challenge and is currently on Gen 3. I really recommend checking it out, especially as the captions on her gameplay are always class. If that’s not your thing, no worries! She also has a new simblr game going on where she presents a sim and gives clues as to the parents for anyone to guess! If that’s not your thing, follow her anyways because shes an amazing person!

@simvanglade is AN ABSOLUTE RIOT. She is so funny and so kind to everyone (except Peppa.) She’s currently working through the Not So Berry challenge and is on Gen 1, so now’s the perfect time to quickly catch up since there’s so much more good stuff to come! Her gameplay is ace and her captions are so funny and relatable. She also has some new stuff on the way that I’M SUPER EXCITED FOR. 👀👀👀 Go drop this lady a follow (or else Peppa will come for you 🔪)

@simmingkatie is the SWEETEST human being, and she just has this natural aura of happiness around her that makes you feel right at home when you’re talking! She just finished her Pancake’s Rerun story, so it’s a great time to binge read that ABSOLUTE MASTERPIECE. (honestly, go read it. It’s super good.) She’s also about to start posting her Bachelorette challenge with Alexis which is sure to be a great time, and is also working on Gen 2 of the Not So Berry Challenge! Also it looks like there might be some youtube videos coming 👀 Just like the other two above, if you’re looking for humorous captions and relatable down-to-earth commentary, look no further!

@fataleromeo is one of the most caring people I’ve ever met, and spreads love wherever she goes; Her writing is phenomenal, and her commentary is witty as hell. One of the many things she’s working on currently is her Fatale legacy. Having just finished Phoenix’s generation, it’s a fantastic opportunity for new followers to go back and catch up before she starts posting Ezra. (and from her amazing writing of the past two generations, it’s obvious that she’s going to absolutely SMASH this next one!) Alongside that, she too is about to start posting her Bachelor Challenge with Gabe AND has gameplay posts of the Not So Berry challenge (she’s up to the third generation!) With so many projects going (I honestly don’t know how she does it) you’re sure to never go long without some great content from her! I also saw a post about her making a sim for the human enough challenge and saying she probably won’t get around to it, but we can all hope, right? 👀

@weicyn / @cyanidelegacy I swear one of these days I’m going to go back to and read your stories from the beginning. This girl has SUCH GOOD STORY POSTS and if you’re looking for something to binge read, the Cyanide Legacy should definitely be a go-to! Along with her phenomenal writing, Cyn also has such a good and caring heart, and will help you wherever she possibly can! Go follow her!

@erosims is so supportive and helpful, I don’t know what I’d do without them if I have issues with either things in my day to day life or my cc. They’re also an amazing mod and cc creator themselves, along with reblogging others’ creations! If you’re looking for practical and incredibly useful mods and cc with a user who is incredibly caring and supportive, you’ve found the blog you’re seeking!

@skullysimblr is a blogger I look up to immensely. They’ve made it to !generation 9! in the Not So Berry challenge, and have hilarious captions to boot! If you have some time and want to binge some awesome content, I recommend going and showing them some love-- trust me, they’ll return it!

@toffeetip super kind and funny, and has amazing screenshots and gameplay posts, as well as releasing amazing cc! Just a very well-rounded blog that has everything you could ask for, tbh, along with a blogger that spreads love like crazy!

@starry-eyed-simss is currently writing Iorie Hills in her legacy challenge, as well as an AU for Strangerville. If you haven’t yet seen enough gameplay for the pack, I RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY (even if you have seen enough, you really won’t regret checking this out.) Iorie is an incredibly interesting and fun character and if you haven’t yet started reading that legacy-- oof. get over the their blog and catch up. I admit unashamed that I wait for the updates because I am THAT into both of these stories.

@liliumpixels is so sweet and so supportive to everyone she comes in contact with, and it’s the perfect time to follow her since she’s just starting out! I can’t wait to see everything she does!

@airedalerd is super funny, super nice, and super empathetic. This girl has so much heart in her. She’s just starting Secret’s of Brimwater, a mystery story that I’m so excited to see unfold. If you aren’t already, go follow; you definitely don’t want to miss anything she posts!

@liliithvatore really funny, stands up for what she believes in, and has a great story going with the vatores! her posts are so pretty and it makes following the story even better. also runs a great storytellers discord which is very helpful and friendly if thats your thing! If you are going to follow her, make sure you read the byf on the right side of her blog!

@carpakoi is honestly someone I look up to a lot. She takes everything that gets thrown her way in stride and stands up for what she believes in. She has great gameplays, great edits, and great storylines. The editing this girl can do? Stunning. Follow her!

@leafvy is a LIFESAVER with her name lists, and is so supportive of people in this community. Also, her edits? Fire. She’s going to start posting the Human Enough challenge soon, so follow her to keep on top of that!

@ounl is honestly just one of my favorite blogs? such a strong person who showers the community with love, makes great edits, makes AMAZING sims, and is just really true to himself which makes me really look up to him.

@cassgoths get it while its hot, who knows when this blog will be wrongfully terminated again 🔪staff🔪  But in all seriousness, they have such great story posts and you can tell they really put love into everything they do.

@roseiio has an amazing style of blog and editing, and has made quite a few challenges (my fave is obvs the reddit one) that bring the community together. also, they react to anon hate in the best ways, and just seem like a really funny person in general?? 10/10 blog

@toskasims-cc hilarious and so nice, I’m really glad we’ve recently begun talking no matter what drama it came from. makes really awesome and unique cc, go check out all they have to offer!

@alexaarr always so helpful whenever i reach out for help with wips! has AWESOME cc and is a genuinely nice person with a great sense of humor!

@glammoose is really kind and has great posts. knows a lot about music and is really fun to talk to. his sims have so much character which makes them incredibly lovable!!! also makes amazing cc! go check it out!

okay... i think ive rounded all of you up but I’m blanking right now, so I might (probably am going to) reblog with more people I love in the community!

[pidgezero-one]

dont message me about this please. I just need somewhere to dump it

I had a falling out with my best friend at the end of july and he completely cut off contact with me. i trusted him more than anybody in the world and there are no words to describe how much his friendship meant to me. the way this happened destroyed my sense of self-worth and I isolated myself from people and tried to fill that empty void with drinking and shitty eating habits (namely starving myself followed by binge eating). fell into a pretty bad depression and was constantly lethargic and unproductive. hated going out in public because I hated myself and didnt want to be seen.

suffered a death in the family at the end of august. this isnt something I cope with in a healthy way. especially during that period of time

started talking with my friend again in september but that didnt go very well either. still felt shitty about this every day, just having this constant nervousness and wanting to throw up and feeling like im carrying a huge weight on my shoulders, every day 24 hours a day. i had dreams about our situation all the time and it fucked me up. cant remember the last time I got a good nights sleep. developed a lot of trust issues from revelations that came out in the few discussions we had. we havent spoken in almost 2 months now. still really miss him but also still hurting over the things he said and did

2 weeks later, boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me when I got back from dreamhack. it wasnt really a surprise and there's no bad blood but was still a really hard adjustment. we had lived together since before we started dating.

we were splitting rent on a 1 bed apartment so now I have to pay for it myself. i dont really have the means to move. this fucked me over financially bc I was in the process of paying about 8000 dollars worth of debt accrued from when I was unemployed in 2014. so that's why none of you have really seen me since then, im saving money instead of going out to do things. this is also around when I decided to cut the drinking to prevent it from getting out of hand and decided to fix my eating habits, both of which are saving me money

met someone new in november who I got close to pretty quickly. he knew I was hurting from something, a lot of things, and helped me recover and was somehow over time able to convince me i didnt deserve any of what was going on. i started to believe it too. we spent a lot of time together and became very good friends.

around the same time i saw another friend have a falling out with his best friend and the way it got him down made me really angry. he didnt deserve to feel that poorly. this helped me realize that neither did i.

start of december, i fell mutually in love with the new friend. although it was just the beginning of the relationship, it was unprecedented in how genuinely loved I felt. we were supportive of each other in ways I didnt even know I could be. never enjoyed someone's company so much before or felt so totally safe telling them literally anything, and after I was having so much trouble and anxiety over opening up to anybody like that again, this was really really special that he could make me feel that way. especially considering the vulnerable state I was in, I tried to be cautious about getting this attached so quickly, but I decided to trust him. you kinda had to be there to understand just why I let myself feel this way despite it looking like a textbook mistake and me being well aware of that fact. he was thoughtful and respectful and considerate and was the most loving person i've ever known. we live a long distance apart and decided we'd take things slowly until we had the chance to spend some time together in person and discuss what our future looks like at that time. we spent a lot of time together calling each other around the holidays and never let a day (or an hour, really) go by without making the other feel loved and appreciated and worthwhile. for a christmas gift he contacted a lot of my friends and compiled a series of video and audio clips from all of them sending me kind words at the holidays to remind me that i'm loved. he really was a wonderful person.

being able to really believe that I didnt deserve to feel as badly as I had been since the summer, combined with falling in love again... I was finally something resembling happy again, I got my confidence back, I was energetic and productive and in an improved state of mind... not completely, things still hurt and I think they always will. but I was at least functioning. the wounds were still there and they were still fresh but I was at least starting to heal.

had to replace my pc because too much of my hardware was just not working anymore. that was a big financial setback I wasnt prepared for. my laptop mobo also broke so now I dont have one of those anymore. oh well. once im done paying off the last part of my debt im going to save up for a new one

start of january, one of my closest friends goes radio silent and unresponsive to texts and calls for over a week. i was a fucking mess worrying about him. (we hung out a few days ago but at the time holy shit)

my coworker at my job (the only other dev on my team) is leaving, so I have to learn a ton of new stuff and also train who we hire next, and im pretty stressed out about that on top of the status of my current major project

i didnt go to agdq this year, but that entire week was rough. wanted to stay off social media and stuff to not be reminded of it but this is where all my connections are and I need to work on shit. I spent a lot of last agdq making good memories with the friend i had the falling out with and thinking back to that just makes me really sad now.

was finally starting to enjoy streaming again and I injured my hand recently and cant use it to use a dpad or joystick, so now im not doing that either. it got infected pretty badly and ive been worried about that for a while, but it's healing up now. hopefully ill return soon. also having numerous other alarming things happen healthwise that are too TMI for here but... yeah

last week the guy i loved dumped me. not going to go into detail on this but i feel very very slighted by how he chose to do it. it had only been a month but im pretty messed up and blindsided by it. despite the short length I can't remember the last time I had any kind of interpersonal relationship that was so emotionally fulfilling. i still don't really understand. being around him hurt so much that I left my favourite discord server where a lot of my close friends are cause he's in there too. i miss being in there so much but i just cant do it

on saturday I got the news that one of my friends from the smash 64 community passed away unexpectedly. i went to the visitation on sunday. it still doesn't feel real.

i dont want to talk about it, I dont want any offers to talk about it, I dont want to relive it, I dont want to think about it, and especially especially I d o n t w a n t t o t a l k a b o u t i t. just getting it out there bc I feel kinda overwhelmed atm from everything. i just wanna focus on doing the things I need to get done to keep my mind occupied. i want my best friend back, i want the person I love back, i want my friend to come back to life. there's nothing else that can be done for me

[frostybeats]

Favorite Albums of 2018

Here we are, another year in the books. I thought I’d compile a list of some of my favorite projects that artists did this year. Mind you, this is not a list of the most critically acclaimed albums of 2018, these were some of my favorites to listen to this year. I thought this was an amazing year for rap, especially this summer, so I’ve included quite a few rap records. I was still listening to a lot of music from 2017, but this list will focus strictly on what came out this year. There is no order of favorites. Without further ado, let’s dive in.

Astroworld - Travis Scott

You can’t talk music in 2018 without mentioning Astroworld. Was the album overhyped? Absolutely. Does that mean it didn’t deliver? No way. People were acting like Travis hadn’t done anything in half a decade, when in reality it had been less than 2 years since his sophomore effort, Birds in the Trap, and he had dropped the collab, Huncho-Jack, with Quavo at the end of 2017. Still, fans and artists alike salivated at the mention of Astroworld. The man even made a Jordan 4 to contribute to the album’s hype. Astroworld delivers immediately and rewards multiple listens, I consistently find new things in this album to appreciate. Travis is back with the signature ad-libs, old and new, and an all-star feature cast that rivals that of an Avengers movie. The album feels like a rollercoaster, roaring at a fast pace with plenty of thrills, but there are also some slower tracks to even the ride out. Travis has never been about deep material though. He’s always been about having a good time, especially this time around. It’s an absolute go to when you want to get lit like a Christmas tree. The beat switch ups (see Stargazing) are akin to maniacally switching lanes on a highway. Just watch out for the groups of frat boys that start dancing in a circle and shouting when Sicko Mode comes on at a bar.

Top 3: No Bystanders, Sicko Mode, Coffee Bean

Swimming - Mac Miller

“Every day I wake up and breathe. I don’t have it all, but that’s alright with me.”

Okay, I know I said I wasn’t doing this list in order, but Swimming is near, if not at, the top of albums this year for me. GO:OD AM still remains my favorite Mac project, but Swimming is probably his best project, critically. I probably could, and may, do a track-by-track review of this album. Mac is producing at his best, it’s a listen that flows smooth from start to finish without anything really feeling out of place. The album holds true to it’s name, with tracks see-sawing back and forth between sounding like having your head above the water and being pulled deep under the waves. The J. Cole produced “Hurt Feelings” will take you to the ocean floor, while “Jet Fuel” will have you drifting across the surface. Thundercat lays down some incredible bass lines, and John Mayer even makes an appearance on “Small Worlds”. “2009” is a track that hits right in the feels, recounting the change, both good and bad, since stepping into the limelight. Swimming is a journey of self-acceptance, and being okay with life even when you don’t triumph, a tragic message given Mac’s passing just a month after the record’s release. I related to many of these songs on a personal level with my own struggles in 2018, the album came out exactly when I needed it. Rest in peace, Mac. Most dope…forever.

Top 3: Hurt Feelings, 2009, Self Care

Honorable Mention: It didn’t make the album, but go listen to “Programs”; it’s so buttery

Proper Dose - The Story So Far

This band has yet to disappoint and gets better with each album they do, I’m thankful for that since it’s a rare thing. The album moves fast with a combination of tracks that are best listened to while flying down the highway or cruising with the windows down on a nice day. Classic pop-punk vibes are present on “Need To Know” and the title track, while the band explores a new, more melodic sound on “Upside Down” and “Growing On You”. The most welcome new addition is Parker’s ability to sing, progressing from his shouting-style on previous albums; “Take Me As You Please” showcases this beautifully. Ryan Torf also deserves a lot of credit for the air tight drums on every track. The percussion is a huge standout. This album was made to be blasted in a car on a summer day.

Top 3: Out Of It, Light Year, Take Me As You Please

YSIV - Logic

I tried to keep it to one project per artist, so this beat out Bobby Tarantino II for me. Logic has dropped at least one project every year since 2010, let that sink in. Somehow, he has managed to not sound overdone or saturated, a true testament to his craft and workaholic nature. YSIV (Young Sinatra IV) revisits the 90-style boom-bap sound of his Young Sinatra mixtape trilogy that got him known. Logic sounds like he walked through a portal and it’s the early 2010s again, but his raps and 6ix’s production have both ascended to a new level. 1-800 fans will be very confused as the bar-hungry Logic of old resurfaces to show people that he’s still an animal on the mic with tracks like “Everybody Dies” and “The Return”. If you like straight bars then this is the album for you. The ENTIRE Wu Tang Clan makes an appearance on the song “Wu Tang Forever”. “Street Dreams II” is storytelling at it’s best, an ode to the style of rap that dominated the 90s. YSIV sounds like a genuine continuation of the Young Sinatra era, rather than a sequel or remake that tries too hard to be like the original. The only thing missing is an iconic Marty Randolph skit.

Top 3: The Return, Street Dreams II, Ordinary Day

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships - The 1975

The working title “Music for Cars” sent fans into a frenzy thinking that the band was revisiting their early days. A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships proved to be the opposite by pushing the boundaries of the band’s sound. Yes, there are songs like TOOTIME and the single, “Love It If We Made It” that would sound perfectly at home on the previous album, but there are also jazzy songs like “Mine” and “Sincerity Is Scary” that we’ve never heard from this eclectic, pop quartet. The album explores a wide pallet of emotions, mostly surrounding love and relationships in the present day. They even propose the not so farfetched idea that we’re in a relationship with the internet and social media on “The Man Who Married a Robot”. I’ve always gravitated toward the instrumental interludes/tracks on The 1975 projects (excluding the remixed intros), but I also really enjoyed the softer songs as well on this one. This band has always encompassed many different feelings on their projects, but it’s broadcast on a similar spectrum for a given project. It’s hard to put this band in a box, and I really like that.

Top 3: Love Theme, Surrounded By Heads And Bodies, I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)

K.O.D. - J. Cole

Anytime J. Cole has been quiet for what seems like too long you can guarantee he’s about to drop something. K.O.D. officially marks the end of the Forest Hills Drive era that was continued on 4 Your Eyez. The album is a bit of an uncomfortable, medicated listen, start to finish, but that’s the point. It hits close to home for those that have struggled with addiction personally, or witnessed friends and family grapple. Cole warns listeners of the dangers of addiction and drug abuse, especially as a staple of the modern rap scene. However, Cole shows us that addiction isn’t just substance based, but also comes in the forms of social media and ego, with deeper rooted problems that we cover with these things rather than face head on. “Photograph” calls out the ego-stroke that Instagram has turned into. Cole impressively comes off from a place of concern, rather than being preachy. The album isn’t an easy listen, but it’s a necessary one.

Top 3: Photograph, Kevin’s Heart, BRACKETS

Culture II - Migos

Migos wasted no time in following their 2017 breakthrough, Culture. Culture II essentially keeps the record spinning with a slew of new songs. A friend once said to me that most of Migos sounds the same, and there’s a lot of truth to that. But their triplet bar scheme is still catchy and a lot of these tracks are just a fun listen, whether you’re working out, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, or getting together with friends. “Supastars” and “Auto Pilot” are straight hype tracks, and the now ironic “Motorsport” slaps with the Nicki Minaj & Cardi B features. “Stir Fry” is a track that you can immediately hear Pharrell on despite his lack of vocals. Culture II is jam packed with lines that we’ve seen everyone use as Instagram captions throughout 2018, don’t count on that trend stopping anytime soon with Culture III already slated for early 2019.

Top 3: Motorsport, Movin’ Too Fast, Auto Pilot

Scorpion - Drake

There’s a lot I can say about Scorpion, I’ll try and keep it brief. The gargantuan work is a double album, split into 2 sides. Side A is more rap heavy, while Side B is moody R&B. The production on this record is phenomenal, 40 and OVO Sound killed this one. Scorpion feels like the long awaited followup to Take Care that so many people (myself included) have spent the past 7 years dreaming of. This isn’t the “beat your chest”, angry Drake of If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, or the British, grime-stint that was More Life. This is Drake at his best, simply being Drake. He’s braggadocios on “Nonstop” (with the now iconic Tay Keith production tag) and “Talk Up” (with an amazing verse by Hov). He’s moody, with in your feels songs like “Jaded” that will keep you up past 3 AM thinking about relationships that you were never in. He finds himself attempting to navigate life on “8 Out Of 10” and “March 14th”. Scorpion is well worth the long listen, with a wide array of offerings. In my opinion, this is Drake’s best project since Nothing Was the Same.

Top 3: Jaded, Nonstop, 8 Out Of 10

Honorary Mention (so many songs!): Sandra’s Rose

Man of the Woods - Justin Timberlake

I wish it didn’t always take this man half a decade to make new music, but I’m okay with quality over quantity. A homage to his son, Man of the Woods finds JT at his pop roots, but attempting to blend in some folk here and there for some robust notes. Most of the time it works out. “Say Something”, with Chris Stapleton, is a prime example. “Montana” will sound a bit more familiar to fans that know his signature pop sound. “Midnight Summer Jam” is the sweet spot between these two sounds that will have you grooving. There’s an interlude that’s reminiscent of “Blue Ocean Floor” on 20/20 (a sound I wish he’d make a whole album with). The Alicia Keys duet, “Morning Light”, feels like waking up on a sunny day after a great night’s sleep without a care in the world. Man of the Woods showcases JT’s versatility and willingness to take risks and push boundaries as a pop artist in a genre that often sounds repetitive. Most of the time it’s rewarding, and even when it’s off-step I still appreciate the effort. This album definitely grew on me after multiple listens.

Top 3: Midnight Summer Jam, Wave, Montana

Ye - Kanye West

Okay, Kanye had quite the year… let’s stick to the music. Ye was apparently recorded mere weeks before the deadline, the album cover was shot on the way to the release party. Kanye apparently scrapped the Love Everyone album (rumored to be the upcoming Yandhi) after the whole MAGA controversy, when he received “new creative energy”. Ye is a short listen, seven tracks just shy of 24 minutes (a common them on all the projects Kanye worked on this year). The album packs a lot of content in for a short listen though, mainly addressing mental health, Kanye’s struggle with bipolar disorder (aka his “superpower”), and the turbulent year he had. Production is one of the highlights on the album; it opens with a dreamy sequence as Kanye speaks some dark lines, a stark juxtaposition. “Ghost Town” is the emotional climax of the album; Kid Cudi, 070 Shake, and PartyNextDoor nail their features, while Kanye delivers some of his best lines on the album. Kanye closes out on “Violent Crimes” with a touching note reflecting on his past behavior as a man and how he now worries for his daughter as she grows up in the world today. It’s a fairly cohesive album for such a rushed project, definitely better put together than The Life of Pablo. Say what you want about Mr. West, but the man is a musical genius.

Top 3: Ghost Town, No Mistakes, Yikes

Kids See Ghosts - Kids See Ghosts

People lost it when rumors dropped last fall that Ye and Cudi were working on a joint album. The idea sounded like a home run and something that needed to happen, especially after the momentary feud between the two as Cudi struggled with his mental health at the end of 2016. Kids See Ghosts delivers tenfold, and, in my opinion, is the better effort from Kanye this year (it’s a joint album so it’s an acceptation to my 1 project per artist rule). Ye and Cudi have always brought out the best in each other creatively, they’re yin and yang. “Feel the Love” starts the listen with Cudi chanting and harsh hitting production as Kanye shouts akin to a tommy gun. It sounds like the duo are using their voices as instruments and having fun with it, a theme present across all seven songs. Kanye chops up a 1930s Christmas song to make a banger on “4th Dimension”. As the album progresses, the two tackle their personal issues and struggles, slaying their demons, and coming out rejuvenated on the other side. Cudi returns with his signature hums and hooks, transitioning between rapping his ass off and gently delivering his verses. He delivers a new anthem with “Reborn”, assuring the world that he’s okay. Kanye saved his best bars for this album, delivering some of his best verses since Dark Twisted Fantasy (yes, I said it). Kids See Ghosts is trip that is a far more cohesive listen than Ye (not to take away from Kanye’s solo effort), and is a project that we sorely needed this year. It shows that Cudi is in a better place than in 2016 and the duo can still do what they do best: make good music. While “all killer, no filler”, it’s is a bit of a bummer that the album is only seven songs long, but the fact that they both want to do another certainly makes up for it.

Top 3: Reborn, 4th Dimension, Feel the Love

Testing - A$AP Rocky

We last heard from A$AP Rocky in 2015. Flacko makes his return in 2018 with Testing, an experimental venture. As soon as the staticky bass drops on “Distorted Records” you know that this project is going to be different. True to it’s name, testing offers a variety of sounds with no clear identity. The record feels like a stepping stone as to where Rocky is going, rather than where he is at right now. “Hun43rd” will take longtime A$AP fans back to the early 2010s, while “Buck Shots” will make you curious to see where Rocky goes in the future. Harder beats are contrasted with tracks that focus on gentle guitar strumming, like “Changes” and “Purity”. A lot of rappers tend to play it safe and not experiment much with their sound while focusing on their bars and going with whatever beat is considered “fire” at that moment. It’s rare to see someone, especially a big name like A$AP, really try a variety of sounds and put out an abstract project. It may not be what we expected after At.Long.Last.A$AP, but I give serious props to Rocky for trying something different and look forward to his next project, even if it’s another wait.

Top 3: Hun43rd, Buck Shots, Changes

Little Dark Age - MGMT

This one quietly flew under the radar. MGMT made their return with their first release in half a decade. While apparently inspired by the 2016 election, the album carries little political discourse. Without changing their sound too much, the duo delivers a throwback to the 80s. This album is an absolute bop, plain and simple. Despite sounding like it came from a time capsule, the album addresses a variety of topics relevant to society today. “Time Spent Looking at My Phone” warns of how engrossed we have become with social media and our smartphones and are oblivious to the world around us. “Me and Michael” sounds like a Hall & Oates tribute. Overall the album is a fun listen start to finish, the band’s core sound and the 80s make for an awesome crossover. It’s just really nice to have MGMT back.

Top 3: Me and Michael, James, One Thing Left to Try

Championships - Meek Mill

2018 has been a huge year for Meek. He got released from prison and became an advocate for judicial reform (if you aren’t familiar with the situation I implore you to read up on it because the media seriously misrepresented the facts to make him look like the bad guy and it goes to show the issues in our criminal justice system and the improvements that need to be made), the blockbuster beef with Drake was squashed onstage by performing Dreams and Nightmares (one of the greatest intros of all time), and he capped it off with an album. Championships is a victory lap, celebrating his comeback from a rough stretch involving some major losses. Funky vibes are present all over the album, which is uncharacteristic, but welcome for the usually hard hitting MC. Meek still raps about money, women, and his gritty past over beats that will blow out your speakers if you’re not careful, but also reflects on bigger topics like social injustice on “What’s Free” and “Trauma”. Amends are made with Drake on “Going Bad”. Meek once again proves that he’s undefeated when it comes to intros with a Phil Collins sample. Championships is the celebration of a man that took his lumps and came back, pop some bottles and join in on the party.

Top 3: What’s Free?, Dangerous, Pay You Back

Tha Carter V - Lil Wayne

Word of The Carter V surfaced before I started college… I finished grad school this past year. The album spent the better part of the decade tied up amid legal battles and feuding with Wayne’s old mentor, Birdman, and Cash Money Records. Wayne spent the time releasing various projects to try and satisfy the demand. Carter V seemed to be this decade’s Detox, an album we would always hear about but never actually get. Thank goodness that was not the case. The album clocks in just shy of 90 minutes, a hefty listen. But remember, the album was once slated for a 2013 release and contains material recorded as far back as 2012. Personally, I’m glad Wayne decided to include as much material as he did, this was a long time coming. It’s easily his best project in quite some time and reminds people of why Wayne dominated last decade. There’s something to offer Wayne fans of all eras, Mixtape Weezy, early Carter, and experimental Wayne are all present on this record. Hype tracks like “Uproar” are contrasted with duets like “Dark Side of the Moon”. Wayne lights up verses on “Let It Fly” and “Mona Lisa” (which also contains an impressive appearance from Kendrick). The record is a fun listen start to finish, welcome back, Weezy.

Top 3: Dope New Gospel, What About Me, Let It Fly

Daytona - Pusha T

Daytona had expectations. We last heard from Push in 2015 and this was the first of the wave of albums from G.O.O.D. Music this summer, not to mention one of the ones that was recorded during Kanye’s sojourn in Wyoming and also featured the photo of the late Whitney Houston’s bathroom as the controversial album cover. Daytona sounds like a modern take on the 90s boom-bap sound. Kanye West reminds everyone that he is a producer turned rapper, with top-tier production as executive producer and makes an appearance on “What Would Meek Do?”. Push then gobbles up these sensational beats akin to someone that waited all day to eat Thanksgiving dinner. The new G.O.O.D. CEO hits hard with the verses on every track and pulls no punches. “Infrared” brought his longtime beef with Drake from a simmer to a full boil and laid the ground for one of the most elaborate, methodical spillings of tea that music saw in some time. Originally intended to be King Push, Kanye and Push apparently decided to scrap 2 full albums before creating what would become Daytona, the wait and process was well worth it. The production is some of 2018’s best and the verses back it up. The drug dealer turned executive talks the talk and walks the walk. Yes it’s very early, but I’ll say it: this album will go down as a classic and be remembered as one of the better rap albums of the late 2010s.

Top 3: The Games We Play, Hard Piano, If You Know You Know

And finally, it’s been over 2 years, but go listen to Frank Ocean’s Blonde again. That album has aged like a fine wine.

[frostbeats]

Favorite Albums of 2018

Here we are, another year in the books. I thought I’d compile a list of some of my favorite projects that artists did this year. Mind you, this is not a list of the most critically acclaimed albums of 2018, these were some of my favorites to listen to this year. I thought this was an amazing year for rap, especially this summer, so I’ve included quite a few rap records. I was still listening to a lot of music from 2017, but this list will focus strictly on what came out this year. There is no order of favorites. Without further ado, let’s dive in.

Astroworld - Travis Scott

You can’t talk music in 2018 without mentioning Astroworld. Was the album overhyped? Absolutely. Does that mean it didn’t deliver? No way. People were acting like Travis hadn’t done anything in half a decade, when in reality it had been less than 2 years since his sophomore effort, Birds in the Trap, and he had dropped the collab, Huncho-Jack, with Quavo at the end of 2017. Still, fans and artists alike salivated at the mention of Astroworld. The man even made a Jordan 4 to contribute to the album’s hype. Astroworld delivers immediately and rewards multiple listens, I consistently find new things in this album to appreciate. Travis is back with the signature ad-libs, old and new, and an all-star feature cast that rivals that of an Avengers movie. The album feels like a rollercoaster, roaring at a fast pace with plenty of thrills, but there are also some slower tracks to even the ride out. Travis has never been about deep material though. He’s always been about having a good time, especially this time around. It’s an absolute go to when you want to get lit like a Christmas tree. The beat switch ups (see Stargazing) are akin to maniacally switching lanes on a highway. Just watch out for the groups of frat boys that start dancing in a circle and shouting when Sicko Mode comes on at a bar.

Top 3: No Bystanders, Sicko Mode, Coffee Bean

Swimming - Mac Miller

“Every day I wake up and breathe. I don’t have it all, but that’s alright with me.”

Okay, I know I said I wasn’t doing this list in order, but Swimming is near, if not at, the top of albums this year for me. GO:OD AM still remains my favorite Mac project, but Swimming is probably his best project, critically. I probably could, and may, do a track-by-track review of this album. Mac is producing at his best, it’s a listen that flows smooth from start to finish without anything really feeling out of place. The album holds true to it’s name, with tracks see-sawing back and forth between sounding like having your head above the water and being pulled deep under the waves. The J. Cole produced “Hurt Feelings” will take you to the ocean floor, while “Jet Fuel” will have you drifting across the surface. Thundercat lays down some incredible bass lines, and John Mayer even makes an appearance on “Small Worlds”. “2009” is a track that hits right in the feels, recounting the change, both good and bad, since stepping into the limelight. Swimming is a journey of self-acceptance, and being okay with life even when you don’t triumph, a tragic message given Mac’s passing just a month after the record’s release. I related to many of these songs on a personal level with my own struggles in 2018, the album came out exactly when I needed it. Rest in peace, Mac. Most dope…forever.

Top 3: Hurt Feelings, 2009, Self Care

Honorable Mention: It didn’t make the album, but go listen to “Programs”; it’s so buttery

Proper Dose - The Story So Far

This band has yet to disappoint and gets better with each album they do, I’m thankful for that since it’s a rare thing. The album moves fast with a combination of tracks that are best listened to while flying down the highway or cruising with the windows down on a nice day. Classic pop-punk vibes are present on “Need To Know” and the title track, while the band explores a new, more melodic sound on “Upside Down” and “Growing On You”. The most welcome new addition is Parker’s ability to sing, progressing from his shouting-style on previous albums; “Take Me As You Please” showcases this beautifully. Ryan Torf also deserves a lot of credit for the air tight drums on every track. The percussion is a huge standout. This album was made to be blasted in a car on a summer day.

Top 3: Out Of It, Light Year, Take Me As You Please

YSIV - Logic

I tried to keep it to one project per artist, so this beat out Bobby Tarantino II for me. Logic has dropped at least one project every year since 2010, let that sink in. Somehow, he has managed to not sound overdone or saturated, a true testament to his craft and workaholic nature. YSIV (Young Sinatra IV) revisits the 90-style boom-bap sound of his Young Sinatra mixtape trilogy that got him known. Logic sounds like he walked through a portal and it’s the early 2010s again, but his raps and 6ix’s production have both ascended to a new level. 1-800 fans will be very confused as the bar-hungry Logic of old resurfaces to show people that he’s still an animal on the mic with tracks like “Everybody Dies” and “The Return”. If you like straight bars then this is the album for you. The ENTIRE Wu Tang Clan makes an appearance on the song “Wu Tang Forever”. “Street Dreams II” is storytelling at it’s best, an ode to the style of rap that dominated the 90s. YSIV sounds like a genuine continuation of the Young Sinatra era, rather than a sequel or remake that tries too hard to be like the original. The only thing missing is an iconic Marty Randolph skit.

Top 3: The Return, Street Dreams II, Ordinary Day

A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships - The 1975

The working title “Music for Cars” sent fans into a frenzy thinking that the band was revisiting their early days. A Brief Inquiry Into Online Relationships proved to be the opposite by pushing the boundaries of the band’s sound. Yes, there are songs like TOOTIME and the single, “Love It If We Made It” that would sound perfectly at home on the previous album, but there are also jazzy songs like “Mine” and “Sincerity Is Scary” that we’ve never heard from this eclectic, pop quartet. The album explores a wide pallet of emotions, mostly surrounding love and relationships in the present day. They even propose the not so farfetched idea that we’re in a relationship with the internet and social media on “The Man Who Married a Robot”. I’ve always gravitated toward the instrumental interludes/tracks on The 1975 projects (excluding the remixed intros), but I also really enjoyed the softer songs as well on this one. This band has always encompassed many different feelings on their projects, but it’s broadcast on a similar spectrum for a given project. It’s hard to put this band in a box, and I really like that.

Top 3: Love Theme, Surrounded By Heads And Bodies, I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)

K.O.D. - J. Cole

Anytime J. Cole has been quiet for what seems like too long you can guarantee he’s about to drop something. K.O.D. officially marks the end of the Forest Hills Drive era that was continued on 4 Your Eyez. The album is a bit of an uncomfortable, medicated listen, start to finish, but that’s the point. It hits close to home for those that have struggled with addiction personally, or witnessed friends and family grapple. Cole warns listeners of the dangers of addiction and drug abuse, especially as a staple of the modern rap scene. However, Cole shows us that addiction isn’t just substance based, but also comes in the forms of social media and ego, with deeper rooted problems that we cover with these things rather than face head on. “Photograph” calls out the ego-stroke that Instagram has turned into. Cole impressively comes off from a place of concern, rather than being preachy. The album isn’t an easy listen, but it’s a necessary one.

Top 3: Photograph, Kevin’s Heart, BRACKETS

Culture II - Migos

Migos wasted no time in following their 2017 breakthrough, Culture. Culture II essentially keeps the record spinning with a slew of new songs. A friend once said to me that most of Migos sounds the same, and there’s a lot of truth to that. But their triplet bar scheme is still catchy and a lot of these tracks are just a fun listen, whether you’re working out, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, or getting together with friends. “Supastars” and “Auto Pilot” are straight hype tracks, and the now ironic “Motorsport” slaps with the Nicki Minaj & Cardi B features. “Stir Fry” is a track that you can immediately hear Pharrell on despite his lack of vocals. Culture II is jam packed with lines that we’ve seen everyone use as Instagram captions throughout 2018, don’t count on that trend stopping anytime soon with Culture III already slated for early 2019.

Top 3: Motorsport, Movin’ Too Fast, Auto Pilot

Scorpion - Drake

There’s a lot I can say about Scorpion, I’ll try and keep it brief. The gargantuan work is a double album, split into 2 sides. Side A is more rap heavy, while Side B is moody R&B. The production on this record is phenomenal, 40 and OVO Sound killed this one. Scorpion feels like the long awaited followup to Take Care that so many people (myself included) have spent the past 7 years dreaming of. This isn’t the “beat your chest”, angry Drake of If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late, or the British, grime-stint that was More Life. This is Drake at his best, simply being Drake. He’s braggadocios on “Nonstop” (with the now iconic Tay Keith production tag) and “Talk Up” (with an amazing verse by Hov). He’s moody, with in your feels songs like “Jaded” that will keep you up past 3 AM thinking about relationships that you were never in. He finds himself attempting to navigate life on “8 Out Of 10” and “March 14th”. Scorpion is well worth the long listen, with a wide array of offerings. In my opinion, this is Drake’s best project since Nothing Was the Same.

Top 3: Jaded, Nonstop, 8 Out Of 10

Honorary Mention (so many songs!): Sandra’s Rose

Man of the Woods - Justin Timberlake

I wish it didn’t always take this man half a decade to make new music, but I’m okay with quality over quantity. A homage to his son, Man of the Woods finds JT at his pop roots, but attempting to blend in some folk here and there for some robust notes. Most of the time it works out. “Say Something”, with Chris Stapleton, is a prime example. “Montana” will sound a bit more familiar to fans that know his signature pop sound. “Midnight Summer Jam” is the sweet spot between these two sounds that will have you grooving. There’s an interlude that’s reminiscent of “Blue Ocean Floor” on 20/20 (a sound I wish he’d make a whole album with). The Alicia Keys duet, “Morning Light”, feels like waking up on a sunny day after a great night’s sleep without a care in the world. Man of the Woods showcases JT’s versatility and willingness to take risks and push boundaries as a pop artist in a genre that often sounds repetitive. Most of the time it’s rewarding, and even when it’s off-step I still appreciate the effort. This album definitely grew on me after multiple listens.

Top 3: Midnight Summer Jam, Wave, Montana

Ye - Kanye West

Okay, Kanye had quite the year… let’s stick to the music. Ye was apparently recorded mere weeks before the deadline, the album cover was shot on the way to the release party. Kanye apparently scrapped the Love Everyone album (rumored to be the upcoming Yandhi) after the whole MAGA controversy, when he received “new creative energy”. Ye is a short listen, seven tracks just shy of 24 minutes (a common them on all the projects Kanye worked on this year). The album packs a lot of content in for a short listen though, mainly addressing mental health, Kanye’s struggle with bipolar disorder (aka his “superpower”), and the turbulent year he had. Production is one of the highlights on the album; it opens with a dreamy sequence as Kanye speaks some dark lines, a stark juxtaposition. “Ghost Town” is the emotional climax of the album; Kid Cudi, 070 Shake, and PartyNextDoor nail their features, while Kanye delivers some of his best lines on the album. Kanye closes out on “Violent Crimes” with a touching note reflecting on his past behavior as a man and how he now worries for his daughter as she grows up in the world today. It’s a fairly cohesive album for such a rushed project, definitely better put together than The Life of Pablo. Say what you want about Mr. West, but the man is a musical genius.

Top 3: Ghost Town, No Mistakes, Yikes

Kids See Ghosts - Kids See Ghosts

People lost it when rumors dropped last fall that Ye and Cudi were working on a joint album. The idea sounded like a home run and something that needed to happen, especially after the momentary feud between the two as Cudi struggled with his mental health at the end of 2016. Kids See Ghosts delivers tenfold, and, in my opinion, is the better effort from Kanye this year (it’s a joint album so it’s an acceptation to my 1 project per artist rule). Ye and Cudi have always brought out the best in each other creatively, they’re yin and yang. “Feel the Love” starts the listen with Cudi chanting and harsh hitting production as Kanye shouts akin to a tommy gun. It sounds like the duo are using their voices as instruments and having fun with it, a theme present across all seven songs. Kanye chops up a 1930s Christmas song to make a banger on “4th Dimension”. As the album progresses, the two tackle their personal issues and struggles, slaying their demons, and coming out rejuvenated on the other side. Cudi returns with his signature hums and hooks, transitioning between rapping his ass off and gently delivering his verses. He delivers a new anthem with “Reborn”, assuring the world that he’s okay. Kanye saved his best bars for this album, delivering some of his best verses since Dark Twisted Fantasy (yes, I said it). Kids See Ghosts is trip that is a far more cohesive listen than Ye (not to take away from Kanye’s solo effort), and is a project that we sorely needed this year. It shows that Cudi is in a better place than in 2016 and the duo can still do what they do best: make good music. While “all killer, no filler”, it’s is a bit of a bummer that the album is only seven songs long, but the fact that they both want to do another certainly makes up for it.

Top 3: Reborn, 4th Dimension, Feel the Love

Testing - A$AP Rocky

We last heard from A$AP Rocky in 2015. Flacko makes his return in 2018 with Testing, an experimental venture. As soon as the staticky bass drops on “Distorted Records” you know that this project is going to be different. True to it’s name, testing offers a variety of sounds with no clear identity. The record feels like a stepping stone as to where Rocky is going, rather than where he is at right now. “Hun43rd” will take longtime A$AP fans back to the early 2010s, while “Buck Shots” will make you curious to see where Rocky goes in the future. Harder beats are contrasted with tracks that focus on gentle guitar strumming, like “Changes” and “Purity”. A lot of rappers tend to play it safe and not experiment much with their sound while focusing on their bars and going with whatever beat is considered “fire” at that moment. It’s rare to see someone, especially a big name like A$AP, really try a variety of sounds and put out an abstract project. It may not be what we expected after At.Long.Last.A$AP, but I give serious props to Rocky for trying something different and look forward to his next project, even if it’s another wait.

Top 3: Hun43rd, Buck Shots, Changes

Little Dark Age - MGMT

This one quietly flew under the radar. MGMT made their return with their first release in half a decade. While apparently inspired by the 2016 election, the album carries little political discourse. Without changing their sound too much, the duo delivers a throwback to the 80s. This album is an absolute bop, plain and simple. Despite sounding like it came from a time capsule, the album addresses a variety of topics relevant to society today. “Time Spent Looking at My Phone” warns of how engrossed we have become with social media and our smartphones and are oblivious to the world around us. “Me and Michael” sounds like a Hall & Oates tribute. Overall the album is a fun listen start to finish, the band’s core sound and the 80s make for an awesome crossover. It’s just really nice to have MGMT back.

Top 3: Me and Michael, James, One Thing Left to Try

Championships - Meek Mill

2018 has been a huge year for Meek. He got released from prison and became an advocate for judicial reform (if you aren't familiar with the situation I implore you to read up on it because the media seriously misrepresented the facts to make him look like the bad guy and it goes to show the issues in our criminal justice system and the improvements that need to be made), the blockbuster beef with Drake was squashed onstage by performing Dreams and Nightmares (one of the greatest intros of all time), and he capped it off with an album. Championships is a victory lap, celebrating his comeback from a rough stretch involving some major losses. Funky vibes are present all over the album, which is uncharacteristic, but welcome for the usually hard hitting MC. Meek still raps about money, women, and his gritty past over beats that will blow out your speakers if you’re not careful, but also reflects on bigger topics like social injustice on “What’s Free” and “Trauma”. Amends are made with Drake on “Going Bad”. Meek once again proves that he’s undefeated when it comes to intros with a Phil Collins sample. Championships is the celebration of a man that took his lumps and came back, pop some bottles and join in on the party.

Top 3: What’s Free?, Dangerous, Pay You Back

Tha Carter V - Lil Wayne

Word of The Carter V surfaced before I started college… I finished grad school this past year. The album spent the better part of the decade tied up amid legal battles and feuding with Wayne’s old mentor, Birdman, and Cash Money Records. Wayne spent the time releasing various projects to try and satisfy the demand. Carter V seemed to be this decade’s Detox, an album we would always hear about but never actually get. Thank goodness that was not the case. The album clocks in just shy of 90 minutes, a hefty listen. But remember, the album was once slated for a 2013 release and contains material recorded as far back as 2012. Personally, I’m glad Wayne decided to include as much material as he did, this was a long time coming. It’s easily his best project in quite some time and reminds people of why Wayne dominated last decade. There’s something to offer Wayne fans of all eras, Mixtape Weezy, early Carter, and experimental Wayne are all present on this record. Hype tracks like “Uproar” are contrasted with duets like “Dark Side of the Moon”. Wayne lights up verses on “Let It Fly” and “Mona Lisa” (which also contains an impressive appearance from Kendrick). The record is a fun listen start to finish, welcome back, Weezy.

Top 3: Dope New Gospel, What About Me, Let It Fly

Daytona - Pusha T

Daytona had expectations. We last heard from Push in 2015 and this was the first of the wave of albums from G.O.O.D. Music this summer, not to mention one of the ones that was recorded during Kanye’s sojourn in Wyoming and also featured the photo of the late Whitney Houston’s bathroom as the controversial album cover. Daytona sounds like a modern take on the 90s boom-bap sound. Kanye West reminds everyone that he is a producer turned rapper, with top-tier production as executive producer and makes an appearance on “What Would Meek Do?”. Push then gobbles up these sensational beats akin to someone that waited all day to eat Thanksgiving dinner. The new G.O.O.D. CEO hits hard with the verses on every track and pulls no punches. “Infrared” brought his longtime beef with Drake from a simmer to a full boil and laid the ground for one of the most elaborate, methodical spillings of tea that music saw in some time. Originally intended to be King Push, Kanye and Push apparently decided to scrap 2 full albums before creating what would become Daytona, the wait and process was well worth it. The production is some of 2018’s best and the verses back it up. The drug dealer turned executive talks the talk and walks the walk. Yes it’s very early, but I’ll say it: this album will go down as a classic and be remembered as one of the better rap albums of the late 2010s.

Top 3: The Games We Play, Hard Piano, If You Know You Know

And finally, it’s been over 2 years, but go listen to Frank Ocean’s Blonde again. That album has aged like a fine wine.