#gaywriting

[gaywriting]

was out shopping for christmas gifts and of course i couldn't stop myself from getting something for myself as well, as a fun little treat 💝 i'm in my exam period right now, so there won't be any reading for fun for a bit, and i have told myself not to purchase anything more for myself until i'm done with my assignments, so we’ll see. but here's what i got:

Heartstopper vol. 3 by Alice Oseman

The Cruel Prince by Holly Black

Till Death Do Us Bard by Rose Black

i'm slowly collecting the Heartstopper books whenever i have the extra money and it was on sale, so i thought i'd grab it. Someday i'll have the whole set hehe 😅🤩 soooo many people have told me to read The Cruel Prince, so i thought i'd finally at least buy it, so i can get it done i mean i do love me a good fae setting ✨ sometimes i grab books that i hadn't planned on but while browsing i read the back and it compelled me to buy it. this happened here but it's a book thats seemingly straight up my alley and i'm so excited to read it!! a fantasy setting and its about a gruff warrior who's searching for his lost bard husband. My kind of book 😍💝

[llamayawn]

2078

Loving in the past.

Moving forward but not on. Trying to let go and to put you behind me little by little.

I call myself weak. I call myself pathetic. To still love the memory of what was. Unable to embrace what is. I have tried and will try again.

Logic fights to break through. I remember the bad. My heart overtakes logic. I remember the best.

I call myself a dreamer. A romantic. Ever hopeful and ever longing.

I know better than to believe in something more. At least I think I do. I’ll tell myself over and over again not to hope not to dream. But they come anyway.

Such exquisite pain. To know that I doom myself to disappointment and more regret yet to still hold on to a fleeting ghost.

If I could stop it cold. If I could purge myself of you finally.

Would I?

[bunnyboysrus]

about this whole women dni thing , what is it about? im genuinely curious cause im a lesbain and many of the wlw smut writers have "men dni" written at the bottom, how is it different from that? i live under the rock so could you enlighten me on this?

its the same thing as what you've mentioned except in reverse basically. dni means 'do not interact' so basically, if a post says men dni then basically the poster is saying men shouldn't be liking, commenting, or reblogging and its implied they shouldn't be reading it at all.

the dni when its applied to specific genders is usually if not just always about gay writing so, lesbians wanting NO MEN AT ALL to read their posts or gay men wanting NO WOMEN AT ALL to read theirs. i think its silly and i dont think any of us need to be excluding people for the crime of their pronouns/gender

like how are we gonna sit here and gatekeep gay writing, its for the gays, regardless of their gender, or their assigned parts, or their pronouns. like, when you write and publish a book you dont get to sit there and dictate to bookstores that they better not sell your book to any men, and if you see any men that are reading/have read your book then, what? like what are you actually gonna do? if someone who identifies as a man reads your work thats marked 'men dni', you dont accomplish shit, all you do is deprive yourself of a like and maybe a comment that would compliment your writing cause that doesnt actually stop people from reading it. trying to exclude people from your works that you're POSTING ONLINE FOR EVERYONE TO SEE is stupid, the only time a dni makes sense to me is when its for minors.

and i already know someones gonna be up in arms about how 'god forbid gay/lesbian writers try to have their own spaces where theyre not fetishized by creepy women/men' and like, bro if someone hops in your comments being weird call THAT person out? why are you making generalizations based on gender, thats fucked up no matter which side you're doing it from.

[chqrmperscn]

mason gooding x male reader

love from the backseat.

after leaving a movie premiere, you and mason find yourself entangled inside a limo on the way home…

content warning; deep throating, public sex, gagging, spitting, handjob, blowjob (r!giving), celebrity reader, verbal, rough-sex, size difference, choking, praise kink, car sex, cum in pants.

flashing lights. buzzing conversations. hundreds of bodies. people rushed all around you as you posed in front of them on the red carpet. celebrating the release of your movie had all eyes drawn to you as cameras clicked repeatedly to showcase you in all your glory. you looked down the carpet at your other cast mates, watching them bask in the light of the cameras. one caught your eyes though- mason gooding, your co-lead in the film. you shared a lot of screentime with him, and the chemistry between you two had become quite palpable. So by the time the film had wrapped, you two had become a thing- albeit in private.

you both preferred the solitude of a private relationship anyways, less eyes prying and easier to navigate. one camera flash called your attention- right, the ever expanding crowd before you. a couple smiles to keep the cameras happy and then you were off the carpet for some downtime.

it wasn’t long until people with microphones began stepping closer to you, eager to ask questions about your upcoming film. “tell us, who was the most fun cast member on set!” a woman in red asked. “the critics have been raving over your film! do you think it’ll live up to the expectations?” a shorter reporter with thicker glasses asked. “What was the most fun scene to film?”

the questions were rapid fire and came one after the other and the other. you tried your best to respond, but found yourself tripping over some words a bit, mostly due to nerves. while answering, pressure seemed to appear on your lower back until the fabric of another suit appeared by your side. mason stood right next to you- personal space a foreign concept. “yeah, uhh- no debate. i’m definitely his favorite cast member to hang out with!” mason joked, placing an arm around you. a smile burned its way onto your face as the reporters asked more and more questions, to which mason gladly took initiative on for you.

the reporters eventually died down and the premiere was hitting its climax as people headed towards the theater to watch your project. mason walked close by with you, his arm still around your neck. you could feel his bicep touch the hair on your neck, the warmth through the fabric; and just how tight it felt on his muscular figure. before you could focus too much on the slab of meat hanging onto you a voice spoke an inquisitive “fun interview?” mason inquired, staring down at you. you stared back up at him, and replied with a short but responsive “yes, but very curious.”

you two quickly found your seats and the lights inside the theater dimmed. the audience would quiet as they were enamored by the picture on display before them. your focused was drawn into your film on screen and nothing seemed to break it, until you could feel mason’s hand atop your own. you watch as he moves it from the armrest to his thigh… and eventually to his crotch. you feel the immense heat radiating from it and the rigid rod that seems to be hiding inside his suit pants. mason leans closer into your ear, his breath causing the hairs on your neck to stand up and your body temperature to flare up. “i need you babe… soon.”

your hand pulled itself back on instinct, what if someone saw? but you turned to face mason, his eyes low as they stared back into yours, his face a playful smile. “soon, not now.” you mutter back, feeling your own pants tighten at the interaction you two had. the rest of the movie seems to fade into obscurity as you think about the things you and mason will be up to later…

the premiere is over. the crowd loves your movie and claps as the credits roll. you’re almost surprised at the reception, but feel affirmed with the sheer amount of praise the film gets. soon after you’re escorted out from the theater and to your limo. cameras click as you get inside and once the door closes, you can finally take a deep breath. your eyes close at the muffled silence, finally being able to relax. so comfortable, in fact, that you don’t even realize mason sitting next to you, his hands rubbing against your inner thigh.

“sorry, couldn’t wait. i need you now.” he says, squeezing your thigh and moving in to breathe on your neck. you twitch under his touch, feeling his large hands tour your body. the heat between the two of you flares as he pulls your chin towards him to swallow your lips into a kiss. you envelop him in your arms as you pull him in deeper, matching the energy in the kiss all you can. your back gets pressed up against the passenger door as he puts all his weight into you.

“wait. let me get on my knees,” you say. mason pulls away for a moment and you shuffle around to find your knees on the floor of the car seat, feeling the car vibrate in your knees as it drives. you look up at mason who looks back. you can take in the sheer mass of him and his body, his thighs bulging from inside his suit. you can tell from the thick outline trailing down his inner thigh that mason is rock hard- like a sheathed sword in his pants. your hands don’t stay idle for long as you make way to his belt buckle and undo it in impressive speed. you’re hungry for this.

the belt pops open and you rub his dick through his pants leg, feeling just how stiff it is inside his pants. you take it out as it stands at full attention before your eyes. mason was long, you knew this- this wasn’t the first time he’d been brandished before you in his almighty glory. he had to be no less than 7 inches while erect, and with the way pre-cum coagulated around his tip, you had to be quick.

your tongue licked him vertically from bottom to top, releasing an explicit groan from mason as he gripped the door handles. both your hands were required to hold the dick and still some excess was left over. saliva gathered in your mouth and you spit on the man’s dick, rubbing it in with your hands over his cock. you felt his thighs throb at the pace you moved, rubbing it in like lotion. you jerked him off and with every stroke, his hips began to jerk into your hands.

he bit his lip to quiet his pleasure from your hands, but once you opened your mouth and began to swallow his dick whole did that idea go out the window. you hollowed your cheeks to be able to fit him all the way in, and there was still about 3 inches left that you couldn’t fit in. your hands went down to fondle his balls while you made sure that you felt comfortable taking down what you could. spit could be felt all around your mouth. “f-ffuck,” mason groaned out as his head fell backwards. “do-ddo that again.”

you obeyed as you toyed further with his balls, hearing him moan more under your touch. you could feel him jerk his hips further into your mouth, fucking his dick further into your mouth. “good boy,” he muttered out. you choked a bit, but he slowed his pace for a moment. spit drenched your chin and some managed to get upon your suit from the way his dick moved inside your mouth. you tugged his suit pants down further, feasting your eyes upon the meaty and hairy thighs hiding inside them. mason found a grip inside your hair and with unmatched strength guided your head up and down his cock. the inches you were comfortable with suddenly had you deep throating the entire thing down to the base. you gargled on his cock, saliva coating his cock like a thick blanket.

you would somehow find it in yourself to come up for air. your mouth became free from his dick as you took in some deep breaths, and even coughed a little. in the downtime of your mouth, you went to jerk him with your hands, feeling the thick saliva coat stain your hands. his body quivered at the touch, shaking just with the way your hands went up and down on him. “that dick is fucking big mason,” you said as you repositioned to swallow it once more.

“then take it all.” mason would say. his legs went around your neck and pulled you in further and his hands fell into your hair once again, forcing you down all the way on his cock with no way back up. you choked further and further, mason thrusting into you like you were just some type of toy. “yeah, take it all the way down. fuckin’ bitch boy.” you felt your cheeks burn as you were stuck all the way down. you put your hands on his thighs, rubbing at them as you were forced to take his dick in all its glory.

mason began to twitch, his thrusts became much more hurried and sloppy inside your mouth as he lost control of the strength in his thighs. “i-i’mm gonna cum. you’re gonna have to swallow… i-in case there’s people at the hotel.” he informs you as his body shakes from your tongue. your tongue swirls around his cock as best as it can, your hands return to his balls, you do everything you can to make him cum.

mason’s legs tremble and jitter as the inside of your mouth is painted with his nut, the sheer volume causing some of it to leak outside of your mouth. you try to swallow you can. mason’s breaths slow down as he releases your neck from his muscles. you pull out from his dick and see a trail mixed with cum and saliva between your mouth and his dick. you look down at yourself, your clothes drenched in sweat, saliva, and your own load of cum inside your pants. he rubs at your head, giggling from the cumshot he face you.

you look up at mason, your eyes red from the choking.

“can you spend the night?”

[lukedifferent]

Come inside me and let me live of you ❤️ by @ Luke C

[ambersatifsyall]

If you want to be my sub come on Zangi 1007822006

[thehetrophobe]

LOOK HOW WE HAVE TO LIVE OUR LIVES IN ABSOLUTE FEAR AND COWARDICE.

Meanwhile heterosexuals marry in public, they throw engagement parties in public, they throw gender reveals in public, they even fuck in public. Tell me I'm lying.

Many people hate on me for saying the truth but I will never stop. Our lives are miserable because of these evil bigots that run the earth. Thousands of our people have perished at their hands. Many more will perish.

And it will never be enough.

The only bad part about being gay is dealing with Straight people. LITERALLY. But you're gay, you're tough, you're strong.

They can fucking eat shit.

[theres-a-body-here]

⋆୨୧˚⋆ ˚｡⋆Welcome to Hell⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚

I am THANACON, the deathbed poet. My pronouns are He/Him. I'm a queer Mexican who loves to write about stupid, horny shit.

Like poetry? Check out my Tiktok

Like gay fanfics? Stay right here.

Want to view my fics without having to scroll? Check out my AO3

Wanna support me? Consider donating to my Paypal

Fandoms I write for~

(Keep in mind that while I usually write about these, you can always just ask and i'll do my research about characters that I don't typically write for)

Five Nights at Freddy's

Overwatch

AFK Journey/Arena

Red Dead Redemption 2

Dead By Daylight

General Monsterfucker stuff

Beastars

Elden Ring

My Hero Academia

Fortnite

Smite

Marvel

DC

General fiction

Rules for Requesting~

No Pedophilia

No Scat

Male x Male only. FTM!readers are accepted

Any beastial characters MUST pass the Harkness Test

Specify if you want a fic or a set of headcanons

What is Scumtober?

Scumtober is where I write Whumptober, Flufftober, and Kinktober all in one October

SCUMTOBER 2023

SCUMTOBER 2024

[boybari]

[theonlyonions-intheworld]

wasn’t short enough to share in haiku class, but too good to keep to myself…

by @theonlyonions-intheworld

[annarcaccia]

OFFICIAL RELEASE DATE OF MY FIRST BOOK IN MY FANTASY SERIES IS AUGUST 1ST OF 2023!!!!!!

*Ahem* I am excited...

As of right now physical copy pre-orders are not available but I am trying to work on that...

Unfortunately though I am not sure if I can do physical copy pre-orders because of how draft to digital works. But when it's out august 1st there will definitely be physical copies available for order! Perhaps one day *wistful sigh* in the teen alley ways of barnes in noble...

https://linktr.ee/anna_r_c

[gaywriting]

it was my birthday a little while ago and i was lucky to receive gifts from friends and family and some of them even contained books! 🎂✨

The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

One Last Stop by Casey McQuiston

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree

Solitaire by Alice Oseman

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman

I Was Born For This by Alice Oseman

Loveless by Alice Oseman

i got a box of the Alice Oseman's novels from a uni friend, which was so nice of her to do, like i really didn't expect a gift and definitely not that size of gift 🌸

The Priory is such a chunky book but it wont stop me from experiencing fantasy lesbian politics 💪🏻💕

[llamayawn]

Things unsaid

Two thousand and seventy four days

It feels like a lifetime but the hurt stays the same

Two thousand and seventy four days I have missed you 

Two thousand and seventy four days I thought of you 

Too scared to call 

Too scared to text 

My burden is not yours 

Two thousand and seventy four days without you 

My only hope?

That you’re happy. 

That you’re well. 

I wish I could feel the way you made me feel again

An addict chasing the first high

I was addicted to you

I am addicted to you

I can be sober but I can’t get you out of me

I can be strong but your memory makes me weak

Your smile 

Your kiss

Your everything

Was my everything

I tried to make it stop

I tried to put it behind

I tried

I swear

Like a wound that doesn’t heal

Two thousand and seventy four days 

And I still can’t let go

Block it out

Don’t remember

Don’t cry 

Lying to myself again

I can’t forget

I won’t forget

When the stars go dark

When the light is gone

I’ll still remember your touch

I’ll still feel your warmth

[dunk3n9]

BATMAN X JOKER HUMAN AU

(I don’t own the artwork I just got it off Pinterest)

Chapter 1: Who Met Who First

I was in a room laughing as I notice the blood everywhere. I see my mama when I walk forward. She looked over with this sickeningly sweet expression on her face. I felt bliss in knowing I was installing that fear. Soon after I feel the laughter, it was abrupt and angered with insanity. When I look at mother, an item in her hand throws itself at me.

I wake up, opening my eyes with quick breaths and sweat pooling on my everything. It takes a minute before my eyes stop fearfully glancing everywhere before meeting my poster of "The Riddler" a talk show host. When My breathing was stable after laying there reminding myself it wasn't real. Who was it that... No I can't think like that anymore otherwise.

"Joe! It's time to wake up, sweetie," Mother yells upstairs, she must be busy with laundry.

My name is Joe Chill. I prefer my nick name at school "Joker" and I earned it. I get called that for several reasons. My mom calls me that cause of my jokes and silly tricks that make her happy. Not to mention the tricks I've played on my peers at school.

"Joker? Joe? Ah, there you are, how did you sleep?" she spoke in a calm voice smiling when sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Fine. I guess."

I looked down still tired.

"Awww, I know Joker but, it's your first day of high school! Oh my goodness, my little man is growing up and going to school-" she smothered me in motherly words and affection.

"Okay, mom you can let go now! Haha," I spoke while chuckling.

"I'm looking forward to some good things this year," I said with mischievous glee.

Any person that knew me would know that smirk I did wasn't just for laughs.

"Oh no you don't mister! No pranks this year not even if someone bothers you, even if they may or may not deserve it, " she said with a stern tone of voice saying the last part under her breath while walking back downstairs.

"But mom!" I loudly complained following right behind, "My whole class is probably waiting for my pranks. It's traditional!"

she gave a stern look to my dramatic argument.

"No buts. Say 'yes mom' and I'll send you on your way," she spoke standing there facing me.

"Yes mom," I said jokingly in a robot tone.

"Good. Oh, that reminds me, your sister Harleen is going to be at your school, too. A grade higher than you. Also go get dressed my Son-a-tron two thousand," She had spoken so nonchalantly I didn't react till it registered.

I was shocked at this statement. My sister Harley is for lack of better words a psycho she can be rough and violent, when needed but, she present herself as put together and is smarter than she'd admit. She's embarrassed me a lot of times at school, too. I love her to death but she can be annoying at times. One time I was getting bullied and nearly got into a fight she stepped in and got in the guys face. I mean yeah she tried to help but still I could handle myself.

"Please tell me she's not-" I said not even finishing my sentence.

"Yup she's moving back here forever her dad finally took the time and decided it was best if she was with me," she squealed in joy like she hasn't seen Harley in ages... It's only been a year.

Someone knocked at the door and mom rushed to answer it. Harley jumped straight in through the door with a front hand walk over then a cartwheel. She landed in front of me with a "ta-da" she said. She hugged me tightly till I gasped for air she then let me go.

"How's my little puddin doing?" She was practically beaming with excitement.

I shrugged with a chuckle. She hasn't called me that since we were kids. I was really confused by a mark on her upper arm. Like burn marks I frowned a little.

"uh-uh-uh turn that frown upside down I'm not gonna bother you all school semester unless someone gives you trouble," she winked and walked back to the door laughing while grabbing her things.

I'm sure I wasn't imagining those marks. I'll ask when she settles in more. I became intrigued when I heard a noise outside all of a sudden.

"What the?" I whispered to myself of course.

I walked to the door passing mom and Harley in a quizzical conversation. Peeking out the open doorframe I spot the old Cobblepot residence being looked at by a family bringing in luggages inside. Oh, they're moving in.

Just like that there they were... new neighbors. Why at a time like this? It seemed odd. I saw a thin women with good physic and she looks healthy, pretty, house wife I believe by her attire. A man with a muscular physic that most men had, sturdy, business man attitude. Then there was a little boy looking around my age he looks more buff than me. I studied him his facial features he had dark eyes, he had the perfect Chin, his smile had pearly whites just like mine. He had most beautiful black hair unlike me with messy green hair, he also had a tan going on I was a tad bit pale.

I was staring for too long analyzing him and his family I didn't notice he saw me and we shared glances. I was scared. What if he tries talking to me? What if he's a bully? I don't know these people. Looking over when back to reality he was speaking to his mom, pointed at my house, she looked over, smiled, nodded yes to something, and he was suddenly walking over here. I hid against the wall. Someone wants to meet me?

"Um, hello? Green hair guy?" His caramel apple voice was so close.

I peek out the door a little. I almost laughed at the startled look when I suddenly popped up.

"Ah, I'm sorry," I tried to contain my laughter, "yes?"

He fixed his outfit and nodded I'm guessing to compose himself. He cleared his throat then spoke.

"Where is your mother?" He spoke fancy and precise.

My nerves became hyper aware that I was talking to someone. Someone new. I was suddenly nervous and anxious.

"Ummm busy. Why?" I spoke quickly avoiding eye contact.

"Please, do get her."

"Mom! Door!" I yelled while turning towards the kitchen.

"My names Bruce by the way," He spoke so suddenly.

I almost lost my composure and screamed. I just simply turned and waved before fiddling with my fingers nervously. She was at the door in a flash looking at Bruce.

"Why hello there," she spoke in a joyful but confused tone.

I walked away to get ready considering I was in my Pajamas consisting of a Black t-shirt with purple and green HAHA's on it, and black fuzzy pants. I quickly brushed my teeth and hair, got dressed, grabbed my backpack, and headed downstairs. I walked back to see the other family talking to my mom.

"I'm so happy to see new faces in the neighborhood. Don't ever hesitate to ask for help from us," she said excited as I was confused.

"Thank you very much. We've come from so far it's nice to have a fresh start. Well I'm glad it's peaceful over in these parts," the woman sounded so elegant.

"We're happy to have you, mister and miss?" Mom has always been so polite she's a people person.

"Just call us Martha and Thomas. Oh, is this your son?" Martha spoke so precise and high class.

"Why yes this is. Say hi, Joe."

Giving a simple wave I try to give my best smile that hopefully didn't show my nerves.

"He's a little shy," mom said in that motherly way of 'he's still learning' or something like that.

"That's okay most kids are to new people. If it's not too much to ask do you think you could take our son to the school? We got here without looking at where it was," Martha had spoken apologetically.

"I'd be happy to help and afterwards I can help you guys move in if you'd like? It'd give us time for some girl talk and to get to know each other," Mom said friendly.

"Thank you very much, Penny." Martha said holding moms hand.

They said there gratitude towards each other and walked away. The boy went over and grabbed I'm assuming his backpack which looked like a briefcase. I looked down apologetically. Mom gave a confused look and realized.

"Joe it's okay. Eventually you'll be able to talk to people and make a lot of friends. Just for now let's just make some high school memories," Mom spoke reassuringly.

I look up at her smiling. She always knows what to say.

"Thanks mom. Let's bring harley, too," I said happily.

"No can do kiddo I got my own set of wheels, boo yah!" She said with a light punch to my shoulder.

"Alright you two! Now how about after school we go out for Chinese food to celebrate your first days, huh? Would you both like that?" She said enthusiastically.

I nodded my head smiling as did harley.

"Great Chinese it is then. Means I don't have to cook, haha," she laughed grabbing her car keys as Bruce walked back our way.

Me and Bruce hopped into my moms car as she smothered Harley in hug and kisses. I heard harley whining through the window and it made me laugh a little.

"What's your name?" Bruce asked bluntly.

"I- uh. You. Me?" I jumbled over my words.

"Haha, yeah you? Unless the car has a name, haha" He spoke shyly trying to break the ice.

"My- my name is Joe. Joe Chill."

"I like your hair, it's fluffy," He spoke nicely.

I became a flustered mess. I'm actually talking to someone. I can't believe it.

"You ready kids? Because mama has a Coffee with her name on it,"she said jokingly.

Me and Bruce chuckled and we were off to school. Let's hope nothing happens to change this day.

[chqrmperscn]

can you make a fic about ethan landry taking care of his boyfriend (male reader) the whole week cause his boyfriend goes into depressions every month and he try’s to cheer him up

ethan landry x male reader

ethan can’t figure out why you’re sad. he makes it his goal to get to the bottom of it.

ethan couldn’t figure you out.

within his small group of friends he knew, even before the relationship began, you two had a spark. a type of electricity that could never fizzle out no matter what became the two of you. the spark grew even larger when he had finally decided to man up and ask you out on a date, which you agreed to, and in the end, it became the best night of your life.

you could be the most energetic person in the room, capable of lighting up any area you marched into. you had a type of confidence that ethan could only envy.

about a month after the knot gets tied, he does start noticing a difference though. you don’t text as often nor as quickly as before, and when you do, the lack of emojis is prevalent. ethan, of course freaks out, and finds himself in quinn’s bedroom, pillow in his lap as quinn tries to calm down his nerves.

“i’m telling you, it’s totally normal. the honeymoon stage is over and reality is settling in for the two of you. you’ll adjust.”

‘adjust’. ethan isn’t sure he can adjust to you not being your typical bubbly self. he missed the smiles, the warm ‘hello’s’, the comfortable feeling he’d get from being with you. it hurts.

“b-but like… how do you like… know? what if he just doesn’t want me anymore and is letting me off excessively easy?”

“guys don’t do that, especially ones like [your name]. he’s probably just busy doing him and you should just focus on your college things or whatever you do in your free time. he’ll be back to normal in no time.”

ethan chews his bottom lip. he wants to believe her. he convinces himself to.

three days pass. three agonizing days. ethan took quinn’s advice and took time to focus on school- to set his mind right and to also increase his grades to where he was comfortable. he’s proud of himself for it, but still feels a little guilty. every moment he spent studying he could’ve been with you, though your relationship has hit a rough patch.

he still sends occasional messages, albeit after seventy rough drafts of trying to articulate what he wants means. words were never his strong suit. ethan prepares another message at 8:37, hovering over the blue send button as he rereads his words over and over again. he stretches his thumb out, inhaling sharply.

it isn’t enough to just send a text, ethan thinks to himself. he wants to do more, to say more, instead of just sitting on his ass while trying to put his thoughts into a text box. he deletes his paragraph of love declaration and sighs. he needs to do something. he wants to do something.

ethan isn’t much of a thinker, but he thanks whatever god turned the cogs in his head. he slides his phone in his pockets and gets to his feet: he has some work to do.

it’s raining outside, and the dark october weather hit new york as hard as it possibly could. you laid in bed in your apartment as the tv played background noise. you had your own headphones in, but you hadn’t paid much attention to the music that played. you hadn’t seemed to care much about anything in fact, half eaten chip bags either on or beside your bed. you scrolled on your phone, notifications displayed but not opened, too discouraged to open them.

you wanted to escape, to just find some place to hide and rest and take a break from everything. you were tired, exhausted even. you wanted things to change, and just felt overall ashamed with yourself. it was so easy to just crawl into bed and just hide in there, send a couple messages out to satisfy people’s ‘worries’ and just stake out in your bed sheets.

rain pattered against the window and a sigh escaped from you. your phone was close to dying and you just couldn’t even bear to look at your phone anymore. it took too much time and you could only try and find solace in it for so long. plugging it up and sliding it on the nightstand, you actually take note of the chaos unfolded around you: empty bottles of soda yet to be taken out, glasses of drinks from the fridge lying all over the night stand, and bowls of random assorted foods intermittent across your room.

“i’ll deal with it later,” you chanted to yourself, cutting the tv off and crawling right under your covers, eyes shutting closed.

it wasn’t long before you felt some banging at your apartment door. you tried to shrug it off, hoping it was just someone not important and you could contact later. your eyes closed again and right before you could get comfortable…

BANG! BANG! BANG!

these ones felt urgent, like explosions right on your door. you sat up, crawling from off the bed and stepping onto the floor, unknowingly stepping on yet another bag of chips, crushing the bag and causing some to land on your feet. you wiped your feet with your hand and trudged to the front door, stretching as you went.

you expected maybe someone here with a police report with how dire the pounds sounded on the door. Pulling it open, you hadn’t expected a very wet, and very exhausted ethan landry on your doorstep, covered head to toe in rainwater with a flimsy coat on.

ethan looked at you, and at first he was hard to read exactly. his face had a look of concern, but went into one of pity- of care. you don’t know what pushed you to do what you did, but you found your arms wet around the man that you had neglected for so long. you had gotten so caught up with yourself that the man you loved had probably been extremely worried, and the guilt you caused made him never want to feel like that again.

ethan accepted the hug, getting you wet and just standing there for a moment.

it isn’t long before ethan helps you mollify the disaster your room had become. you two developed a silent routine that helped alleviate the pressure of doing it all by yourself. within about 15 minutes, your room was spotless and you two had retreated onto the couch, thick tension between the two of you.

ethan wasn’t sure exactly how he felt in the moment. this was obviously a moment for you where you weren’t in the best state of mind, and whatever he said may only worsen how you felt, but he lets it fly anyway.

“i was… i was just worried about you. a lot in fact. i don’t do good with just.. being separated from the people i care about for so long. i kept thinking to myself ‘does he hate me, did i do something wrong, are we not seeing each other anymore?’ and it scared me… like to death.”

ethan had spoke to you, but had been too nervous to actually keep eye contact, just twiddling with his fingers as he spoke. you couldn’t look at him either, guilt crawling up your throat and infiltrating your eyes until a tear just eventually flies free from your eyes.

“i don’t know when… but every now and again i just feel… stuck. like i don’t know what i can do to continue going on just like… existing. sometimes i just feel like i take up space, and wh-when i do feel like that, i just like to stay alone. i know it isn’t a… healthy thing that normal people do but- i guess what i’m trying to say is i didn’t mean for you to feel like that. i just wanted space- and the space i created ended up hurting you. i had- i never meant for that to happen ethan.”

you choked on your sobs, trying to get out how you felt and form it into a way for him to understand. ethan crawled over closer to you, arms reaching around to embrace you, tears staining his shoulder as you wept into him.

“it’s okay, [your name]. i… get it. i get that way too sometimes.”

it gets quiet for a moment, but eventually you stop crying and pull your head off ethan’s shoulder and he looks you in the eye. he plays around with your fingers, a smile on your face.

“what’s so funny?” you question, his smile growing even larger.

“i brought some snacks and stuff to cheer you up, and maybe we can watch some movies if you’re up for it. i brought your favorite sugar cookies, even though those are kinda expensive.” he reaches into some bag you hadn’t even noticed and handed them over, which caused you to smile even harder about.

“i love you so much ethan.” you declare as he hands you the cookies.

“i love you even more.” ethan mutters. the rain outside has calmed, and so has the tension between the two star-crossed lovers, sitting on the couch and laughing over which movie choices sound best for the night.

[shes-so-freaking-cute]