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fingergunsbidean · 4 years ago

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A Journey in Bisexuality

Word Count: 4.3k Pairings: Dean/Castiel (main), Dean/OMC, Dean/Lee, Dean/Garth Warnings: Underage feelings for Harrison Ford, internalized homophobia, mentions of homophobia but no homophobic actions are done towards Dean, drunken kissing, NSFW elements but no smut, alcoholism implied, and mentions of John Winchester’s A+ parenting, but no actual interactions with him. Summary: A character study of Dean and his journey with discovering and accepting his bisexuality.

Note: I was NEVER actually planning on posting this. I’m NOT a fic writer lol. I actually wrote this as a self paragraph in a 1x1 ten months ago, but I thought we could all use some Dean going to therapy and healing after that finale, so here we are.

Dean is fourteen when he starts looking at Harrison Ford differently. It’s not just him, it’s all his favorites, but right now it’s all about Harrison Ford.

His dad is on a hunt in the next town over, leaving Sam and Dean in some cheap motel. For once, he’s not itching to join him, because the local cable is having an all day Harrison Ford marathon, starting with Star Wars and ending with Indiana Jones.

He’s always admired the guy. He’s good looking, knows how to handle a gun, wears an awesome hat, and always wins the hot girl in the end.

The thing is that Dean always wanted to be him, and as he watches Indi somersault out of the way of an oncoming boulder, he still does, but there’s something more there tonight that he hasn’t noticed in the past.

His cheeks feel flushed and there’s heat tickling underneath his skin. At first, he thinks he’s getting a fever or something and moves over to the other bed, just in case he’s contagious.

The space does nothing to help Dean though, and his pink cheeks grow bright red when Indiana kisses Willie in Temple of Doom. As the music swells, and he lowly says the words “primitive sexual practices,” Dean finds that he’s picturing himself in Willie’s place, with Harrison Ford looming over him and dipping down to kiss him deeply.

“I–uh–think I’m gettin’ sick or something. I’m going to bed,” He says. But hours after the lights are turned off and he’s buried under the covers, he’s still wide awake.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is seventeen, and this is the longest they’ve stayed in one place since he watched their house in Lawrence disappear from the backseat in the Impala.

When their dad took on a pretty big case in Florida, he left the Sam and Dean with Bobby, and then…just kind of left them there. It’s been three months. At first he was pissed. He’s old enough to go on hunts with his dad. He’s been on plenty, while Sam was safely hidden away in a motel.

“You gotta watch over Sammy,” John said, like he always does when Dean asks to go.

It felt like a shitty excuse at the time, but now he can’t imagine being away from his little brother this long, and while he’ll never admit it, he’s glad he left them with Bobby.

For the first time, Dean actually knows the names of the other kids in his class. He has decent grades, and he’s even considering trying out for the baseball team.

Sammy seems happy too. Dean has seen the poor kid get ripped away from school after school, trying to keep his sobs quiet in the backseat as their dad drove away from yet another town. He hates himself for thinking of it, but when he sees how settled Sam is at Bobby’s, he hopes their dad doesn’t come back.

And maybe he’s happy too, and he tries not to feel guilty, but it’s not like his dad will ever know. Whenever he shows up for them, Dean will follow with a ��yes, sir,” like he always does.

Until then, he just lets himself be a normal seventeen year old for once. He even found a group of friends and everything, a few guys from his gym class. There’s Matt, Jordan, and Aaron with the too blue eyes, or at least that’s what he calls him in his head. As if he’d ever have the nerve to call him that aloud.

Thoughts about boys creep up on him like itch, dull at first but the more he ignores it the more insistent it becomes. When he first noticed these…feelings, he told himself, “It’s a celebrity crush, it’s fine. Everyone gets those.” But then it grew into, “It’s just some stranger in a diner, it’s fine. You’ll never see him again,” and now it’s, “It’s just your good looking friend, it’s fine.”

It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.

His dad doesn’t want a whole lot from him. He wants him to protect Sam and be a good hunter, but Dean sure as hell knows what he doesn’t want for him, and that’s being with another guy like that, especially when he’s still attracted to girls. He’s seen the way his dad looks at gay guys, heard the comments he makes under his breath, and there’s no way that’s the kind of life he wants for his sons.

So, every time Aaron gives him the kind of smile that makes his chest warm or he finds himself staring too long, he reminds himself of all the reasons why this can’t be a thing. And just because Dean is thinking things he shouldn’t be, doesn’t mean Aaron is too.

The screams from the crowd sound like a dull roar in his ears when Aaron’s pinky brushes against his, and he holds his breath as he slowly tangles them together, until they’re practically holding pinkies.

He should rip his hand away, he even stiffens as he prepares himself to, but then his shoulders sag as he leans further into the touch. He doesn’t want to pull away. His eyes burn as he stares fixedly at the screen with how badly he doesn’t want to pull away.

They toss their popcorn in the trash and talk about the movie as they head out of the theater. Matt and Jordan give them a quick pat on the shoulders before heading off, and before Dean can go searching for Bobby’s truck in the parking lot, Aaron grabs his elbow to keep him from leaving.

“Dean?” His blue eyes flicker from Dean’s face to the ground nervously, “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime. Like without Matt and Jordan.”

Dean feels his throat close as he struggles to get air in his lungs, worried that his popcorn might come back up. He doesn’t know why he’s acting like this. There’s nothing wrong with hanging out just the two of them, but from the way Aaron’s blushing he has a feeling it’s more than that.

“You mean like…” He trails off, unsure if he can even say it, but Aaron beats him to it.

“Like a date, yeah. I don’t know if you–if you’re–well, I thought I’d try, at least,” He gives a nervous look as he braves meeting Dean’s gaze.

Despite all his promises to himself that he wouldn’t ever acknowledge this thing that follows him around, he starts entertaining the idea of letting himself have this. His dad is on the other side of the country, he’ll never find out. Nobody has to know if they keep it to themselves. He can just try it this once to get it out of his system and then stick to girls.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean chokes out before he even fully gives himself permission to, and he knows he needs to leave now before he chickens out, “I gotta go. Uh–I’ll call you.” Aaron lets out a huge, relieved breath before giving Dean one of those grins that make his insides squirm with delight, and he smiles back, giving him a playful wink before walking away.

He spends the drive back to Bobby’s going between panic and excitement, planning out potential date ideas but also rehearsing ways to turn Aaron down. As he pulls into the Salvage yard and sees the Impala, he realizes it’s all for nothing and feels strangely numb. It’s time for the next hunt, and he knows with absolute certainty that he’ll never see Aaron again. It’s for the best, he tells himself.

Who was he fucking kidding anyway?

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is twenty-one and drunk on the beach. His vision is a little fuzzy, and when he looks up at the sheer amount of stars in the pitch black sky, he feels dizzy, causing him to stumble into the body beside him.

“Watch it, brother. You don’t wanna eat sand,” A husky voice laughs as he grips Dean’s shoulders with strong hands to steady him.

Lee can’t fill the hole that Sam left when he went off to Stanford, but having him around helps him feel a little less like he’s suffocating. John swung by Texhoma in hopes to recruit his old buddy for a hunt, but got his son instead. Dean and John were glad for the turn of events for different reasons. His dad admired how strong of a fighter Lee was, his training precise enough for John’s Marine standards.

After he caught them wasted in a middle of a hunt, they started being more discreet about it, so while John was dead asleep in his motel room, the two of them snuck off to a bar and then stumbled their way to the closest beach.

In his drunken state, he forgets what they were talking about, or if they were even talking at all, and all those walls he’s been building around himself for the past decade feel flimsy, like the slightest nudge will knock them all down.

Dean’s gaze flickers wildly over his face before landing on a piece of hair that fell over his eyes. “You have sand in your hair,” He drunkenly giggles and lifts a hand to pull the sand out before tucking the errant hair behind Lee’s ear. Instead of dropping his hand like he planned to, he cups his friends cheek instead, his thumb absently brushing over his soft skin.

“Dean,” Lee breathes, low and rough, and it sends a tingle down his spine.

“Hey,” He answers, because it feels like the right the thing to say in the moment, or maybe he just doesn’t know what the hell to say when they’re standing this close and he wants nothing more than to just close the remaining distance, give into this want that’s been burning in his chest for years.

He hears a desperate noise over the sound of the waves, and he thinks it might’ve come for him, but he doesn’t care. He can beat himself up for that later, but for now, he sighs against Lee’s lips and deepens the kiss, letting himself have this.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

It all crashes and burns when a case in Arizona goes horribly, horribly wrong, and Lee can’t just move past it. He quits hunting and leaves Dean to go back home, giving him one last lingering kiss before he drives away.

With hardly anything more than a dismissive grunt, John leaves shortly after, deciding Dean is finally old enough to hunt on his own, and that they’ll cover more ground to find whatever killed mom if they split up. The fact that his dad trusts him to do this on his own should be enough to fill him with pride, but it feels more like punishment, and for the first time in his life, he’s completely alone.

A week after Lee and his dad left, he’s sitting in the parked Impala, dialing Sam’s number.

“Heya, Sammy,” He greets his brother, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant and cheerful as possible.

They talk about Sam’s homework and friends, and Dean tells him about some interesting hunts, leaving out the most recent one. He doesn’t tell him about dad leaving, but Lee is on the tip of his tongue. Part of him wants to tell Sam–to get this weight off his shoulders, for one more person to know, so it doesn’t feel like some big fever dream.

“Sam,” He starts, his tone suddenly serious. “I’m…” He stops. He’s what? He’s not gay, but he obviously ain’t straight either. But who says he has to label himself right this second though? He can just tell him about Lee. “I…” He tries again, but the words just don’t come.

That time he agreed to go on a date with Aaron, he told himself it’d be a one time thing to get it out of his system, and while this wasn’t Aaron, that’s what Lee can be. A one time thing. Something that Sam doesn’t need to know about.

“I gotta go. Take care of yourself, okay?”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is thirty and fucking grateful for it. It’s 2009, and not 2014. He still has time to fix this. When he whips around and sees Cas standing there on the empty street, there’s a look on his face that Dean can only describe as tenderness, and that makes him believe he really can fix this.

“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas,” Dean breathes shakily, overwhelmed by the sheer relief that this Cas is his Cas, not the version he left in 2014.

“We had an appointment,” Cas replies, and there’s so much warmth in his gravely voice that Dean wants to chase it and hold it close to his chest.

He feels his face do something that’s probably too open and too fond, but he doesn’t do anything to mask it. Instead, he firmly rests a hand on the angel’s shoulder and looks him straight in the eye before saying, “Don’t ever change.”

This isn’t the first time Dean felt something after prolonged eye contact with the guy, far from it, but it’s usually a shock of heat or desire–this is something else entirely. He just wants to find more ways to earn looks like this, which seems impossible with the apocalypse around the corner, but he wants to try.

It’s been nearly a decade since he told himself he wouldn’t let himself act on feelings for another man, but shit has changed. His dad is dead, and that’s not enough to erase the shame that still washes over him any time he accidentally checks out another dude, but John Winchester is not an excuse anymore.

The world is ending, isn’t this the best time to say fuck it and try?

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is thirty-two, and he’s very naked, and very sticky. He curses himself under his breath for not taking the time to clean up before passing out, but he must’ve worn himself out.

For a second he forgets where he is or who he was with the night before, but when he cracks an eye open, he sees peeling yellow wallpaper from the ugly ass motel room he’s been staying in. He blindly reaches a hand out behind him and makes contact with an equally naked and sticky body.

“Hey, watch the hand,” A very familiar voice laughs from behind him, causing Dean to whip around in surprise, wincing at the soreness that follows.

“Garth?” He asks wearily.

“Yeah, who else? We didn’t even drink last night, don’t pull the forgotten one night stand act with me, Dean Winchester,” Garth chastises him gently, propping himself up on his elbow as he smiles down at him.

Dean blinks a few times to try and wake himself up, and when he’s feeling a little less disoriented, the night before comes back to him–and, oh yeah, he remembers it. Who would’ve thought a little guy like Garth could be such a firecracker in bed? Maybe, he somehow sensed that about him, and that’s why he was so eager to find out.

In the short time he’s known Garth, he wouldn’t say he’s had many dirty thoughts about him. He didn’t have many thoughts about anyone these days, not since Cas…Dean quickly ends that train of thought there. The nightmares are enough.

The thing with Garth just kind of happened, between the goodbye hugs, and the comments about how good he smells, the little smiles he keeps sending Dean’s way, he figured why the hell not?

He wasn’t disappointed with his choice either. Garth was surprisingly strong and confident, which are all things Dean likes in his partners. He just wouldn’t usually go for someone he sees so often–makes things awkward.

“I remember,” He gives a quiet laugh before clearing his throat awkwardly, looking from Garth’s bare chest to the sheets. “Look, Garth, I–uh–I’m not really looking for a relationship or anything,” He begins, and it feels so overused and rehearsed.

He hates having this talk, which is why he usually sticks to waitresses or women, and the occasional man that he won’t ever see again. He doesn’t want to shoot Garth down, but after Cas–he just thought things would be different by now. He thought they would be different now, but that hope died when he pulled Cas’s soaking trench coat out of the water.

He doesn’t know what he kind of response he expects, but it’s definitely not for him to throw his head back with a loud laugh. “Oh, Dean, I should’ve known you’d be this funny the morning after. Look at you, trying to give me the it’s not you, it’s me talk. We’re fine, buddy. Just two guys looking for a night of fun,” He shakes his head and gives Dean’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Resting a hand on the hunter’s naked hip, he leans in until their noses brush, “In that case, round two?” He asks, his voice practically a quiet purr.

“Round two,” Garth agrees before pulling him in for a heated kiss.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

He’s forty-one and the world is still turning. Chuck is gone, Jack and Eileen are back, Cas is human, Sam is okay, and everything should be fine. But it turns out that peace on earth doesn’t erase decades worth of repression and trauma.

Usually, they talk about Hell or Michael, but somehow the subject shifted to his history with men today, starting with him telling her about the ring he got Cas for Christmas. The one he almost didn’t give him–the ring that isn’t an engagement ring despite the looks Sam keeps giving him, but hopefully isn’t just a friendship ring either.

“And how do you feel now? With Castiel? Do you still feel ashamed of your feelings or sexuality?” She asks calmly as she looks up at him over her notebook.

Dean grimaces at that word–sexuality. He’s had so many years to accept the fact that he isn’t straight, that he likes men too, that he more than likes a particular man specifically.

Still, he can’t get himself to say the actual word, not even in his own head. His old man has been dead for thirteen years, and it still feels like he’s looming over his shoulder whenever he even considers it.

Sometimes, he wishes he told him when he accidentally wished him back into existence, but he’s glad he didn’t. Of all the people who deserve to hear it first, it’s not his dad. The fact that he even thinks that, tells him these sessions are doing something.

“Sometimes…yeah,” Dean mutters and nervously licks his lower lip, “I know my family won’t care. Hell, they probably already know, but I don’t know. I just can’t shake it, I guess.”

“Not with an official statement, at least. You should do what you’re comfortable with. Like, next time you watch Star Wars, instead of keeping all those thoughts about Harrison Ford to yourself, say them aloud.”

Dean merely raises a brow in response, he’s pretty sure nobody wants to hear what he has to say about Harrison Ford. He’s come up with way too many jerking off fantasies to that guy. Most of his thoughts are something along the lines of, “I’d sell my soul to fuck Harrison Ford.”

Charlotte seems to catch on quick and lets out an amused snort, “The safe for work version.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure there is a safe for work version,” Dean points out and waggles his brows suggestively before dropping the act and sagging a little in his seat, his face going blank in thought.

“I know that uh–that being bisexual is okay,” He stammers out and rubs the back of his neck as it prickles with nerves, “Which is what I am, I mean, bisexual. I’m just trying to believe that it is.”

It’s the first time he actually said it, and it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as he thought it would be. He still feels sick with anxiety, and like he wants to drink an entire bottle of whiskey when he gets home, but the fact that he did it at all lifts a huge weight from his shoulders.

Charlotte gives him an impressed nod and jots down a few notes, “Well, that’s a good start.”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

The new human spends a lot of time in the same spot these days. Shrugging on a coat, he brings his glass outside and walks to the little area Cas so carefully turned into his garden.

After everything they’ve been through, after losing him so many times, Dean can’t believe he’s really here. It’s not perfect, Cas is struggling with his new humanity, and the distance between them hasn’t been fixed, but it’s still good.

And Dean loves him.

“I’m in love with Cas,” He mentally tells himself, another thing that he’s known for ages but has been too damn scared to actually put into words. It’s just as nerve-wracking as his confession to Charlotte earlier, but it still brings him peace.

He doesn’t know when he’ll tell Cas, or if he ever will, but right now he’s okay just telling himself. He’s okay just standing here and watching him garden. It’s more than he thought he’d ever have.

#destiel #destiel fic #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #dean is bi #mine

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jimmythejiver · 3 years ago

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For the first time in a long time I went to the movies in forever and then to Target. At Target I see some Godiva bars on discount yellow tags and I was ecstatic until I read 70% Cacao, Dark, Salted Caramel and was deflated.

Anyway that's how I felt about seeing The Green Knight. What you thought this was about chocolate?

No see since the pandemic I've been back on my perennial King Arthur kick. I've for a long time since I was a young preteen thought, someday I too will write my own King Arthur epic and it'll be gay, magical, gangster and culty too, but for now I'll make up my own stories for practice and then with every story I got attached too, it got too involved and convoluted to the point that when it came down to actually writing a novel, I threw it all away and made a space opera I only planned in two weeks and wrote in a month. Anyway...so now I've been writing this very gay, magical, gangster and culty take on Final Fantasy XV with my boyfriend and just fell in love with Somnus Lucis Caelum who nobody has any insight about him than to make him the Mordred to Ardyn's Arthur, which is a strange flex, but okay, I thought about what if I wrote a Dark Age prequel about Ardyn and Somnus, but Ardyn becomes king and Somnus his shogun and they play games of seduction and power because I'm twisted like that. Anyway...I was like I'm never going to write this and I have to keep making up characters based on FFXV characters and King Arthur tropes because there's not a lot of stories that take place during the Dark Ages, it's always some Roman Empire story, or High Middle Ages and FFXV gave no room for either society to happen after the fall of Solheim and the rise of King Somnus...so we left with Dark Ages, y'all, the King Arthur comparisons are obvious, but Ardyn is no Arthur and Somnus is no Mordred, Aera is only Guenevere if you make up an affair with Somnus, Gilgamesh is no Bedwyr/Bedivere, but uh...they both amputees and the oldest companions to their respective kings so...I guess. Anyway making an ancestor of Cor Leonis and deciding well he's Owain/Yvain, or am Ignis type as idk Sir Cai/Kay I guess, they both cook, but Cai's more like Seifer Almasy than any FF character... Anyway I'm losing people.

My plan was to just scrap the FFXV prequel, leave my Somnus ideas into Overtime (a gangster and gods story) and just plan an actual King Arthur adaptation. I'd have King Arthur the treasure hunter, leader of a warband turned founder of Camelot who fights giants, giant cats and dogheads, but also fights King Claudas of the Franks and King Aelle of the Saxons and Cerdic a Briton who puts in his lot with the Saxons, etc. It'd been a a glorified turf war, meanwhile Arthur's gotta make alliances with King Pelles, The Fisher King and his strange cult he's founded because, why yes I find the ends justifies the means prophecy of the Holy Grail Quest very culty because Christianity then does not resemble it now. Meanwhile you got the secondary plots of Mordred, Gawain, Lancelot, Percival, Tristam and other's going on because they matter and too many modern King Arthur stories sideline the knights.

So many have always sidelined Mordred as a final boss eldritch abomination in mortal flesh conceived of sin and give him no personality, or complex motives, or even just a relationship with Arthur. I also have noticed the general sidelining of Lancelot, or give him a chad villain upgrade if you must include him at all, and the villainizing of Gawain to the point that you don't even have to have Mordred, or Agravain as a catalyst shit stirrer in court, just slap Gawain's name on Liam Neeson in a top knot and you're good. Mordred can just be a child offscreen until last act...fuck that, while Morgan Le Fay can either be a villainess plotting her cabal through men, or a well-intentioned, ineffectual idiot. Fuck that.

Now Hollywood just be doing King Arthur first acts that suck ass, only for said director to get rewarded failing upwards by giving this same jerk the Aladdin remake. The tonally shitty, crammed in blockbuster mess of a cliche heroe's journey that sucks.

With that background I was excited for The Green Knight. I read an illustrative version as a kid, I read Tolkien's translation as a teenager, I read Simon Armitage's superior, but with liberties taken translation. I was prepped to go knowing that indie, or not they were going to make changes to weave the disjointed poem together. I'm excited that because this movie exists Project Guternberg's finally thrown Jessie Weston's prose rendition up on their website. I'll be reading that at some point when this blows over.

The movie adaptation makes a lot of...choices, many I wouldn't love, but would forgive had their been a payoff. There was none.

The journey was fine, the cinematography was a breath of fresh air after crappy slo mo, glossy action scenes ruined another. Guys, I don't think I want to see a Zack Snyder Excalibur, it'll marginally be better than Guy Ritchie, but that ain't saying anything. Leave Excalibur to the post-Star Wars 80s where it is impeccable for it's time. I liked Green Knight's breathable pacing, it's color palette's in the forests and mountains made up for the muddy grey of every Ridley Scott send up in the castles and villages in every other Dark Ages/Medieval story in the last I don’t know since the shitty 00′s. For all the dark tones when there was blues, greens, yellows or reds, they were vibrant in this movie to contrast the gloom of Britain. The soundtrack was good. This isn't all what makes a movie, but it enhances it so let's get to the story and what I did and didn't like.

Things I Liked: Gawain is still a novice in his career The Costume Dressing Everyone pronounces Gawain's name different. I pronounce it like Gwayne, or Guh Wayne, but here you got Gowen (like Owen), Gowan (like Rowan), or even Garlon who I'm pretty sure is the Fisher King's heir in some versions of that Arthurian story, so uh... The reference to Arthur slaying 960 men with his bare hands (Nennius for the win!) The Waste Land that is implied to be a site of a battle (an important aspect of the Arthurian landscape) The Fox companion No long grisly, drawn out hunting scenes. The Fox lives! No misogynist speeches

Things I'm Mixed: This being a dream, is the magic real? Are the giants? Is the Green Knight a figment of Gawain's imagination from a spell Morgan casted in him to hallucinate? Is Lord and Lady also figments? It's...a way to interpret the poem, but lazy and I don't see why it's got to all fantasy, or all dream...this movie makes it too vague you're stuck picking one camp than to accept it's a fantasy with dream and hallucinatory sequences.

Things I'm Meh: Morgan Le Fay as Gawain's mom. Look I fucking hate Morgause as a character and these two get merged and steal each other's aspects so much at this point the difference is who did they marry, King Urien or King Lot? Both are attributed to being Mordred's mom, Mordred is Gawain's brother...both practice magic depending on certain incarnations, both love and hate Arthur their brother and are in conflict with him. Saint Winifred. I actually liked this sequence, but I don't appreciate her as the tacked on wife in the later dream sequence as like...a contrast between the wife you should marry than the whore next door you don't respect anyway? I don't even know what lesson I'm supposed to get out of the damn dream sequence, or any of it? That Gawain should've married his girlfriend and then he'd be a just ruler? That he shouldn't be king? That he'd never have to make the same heartless, impartial choices? I don't know, he seemed like a king doing king shit because guess what? It never gets easier. Wars will be waged. The world didn't become better because he married the right woman, respected her and lived in obscurity. The world didn't become better because he made her his queen. We certainly don't know the world would be better Gawain had his head chopped off and dead XP They never reveal the Lord and the Green Knight as one and the same because of this shit.

Things I Hated: Arthur withdraws from the challenge because he's old. In poem he takes it on and Gawain takes it so he don't have to and he finds himself more disposable than the king. Gawain only takes the challenge because of arrogance. Arthur and Gawain had no prior personal relationship. I'd not have hated this so much if it wasn't compounded by it cancelling out the first two things. Gawain is portrayed as having no respect for his woman, or any woman, maybe his mother? He has to be pushed by Winifred to regain her head. Gawain is portrayed as arrogant, covetous and ready to pass the buck, or the bare minimum than have any honor or decency. It didn't matter the kid in the wasteland was shithead bandit, the way Gawain acted towards him, when he gets robbed, it almost feels like he deserved it and Gawain doesn't learn a damn lesson. I'll admit him taking the sword to cut his ropes and cutting his hands was a neat sequence, it shows him go from stupid, to almost clever and having will to survive...you know traits he had in the poem, but he stops showing these traits or growing. Basically Gawain has to be dragged kicking and screaming to help people and shows no fortitude when facing temptation, or when showing respect towards others, it's exhausting. You don't make this kind of journey story without character growth. Why are you skipping this? Also is it just me, or is this like when you take Frank Miller Batman and transport him onto a Bill Finger story? This is at best Thomas Malory Gawain (and this is charitable) transported on the earlier Pearl Poet's story. Stop it. It's not tonally correct and goes at odds with the story and the set up characterization you'd need to tell it. Speaking of which, you know how I get through the oof... of Liam Neeson Gawain in Excalibur? By pretending he Agravain instead. Here...I don't even think Gawain could pass as Mordred in spite of his covetous nature, lust and entitlement. Why? because I don't think even Mordred is this dumb to warrant this hubris. Essel being invented as a tacked on love interest just to be shit on utterly and for what? I don't think I have much commentary here as there is no Essel I'm aware of to compare, or stack up. I just notice this trope of like...usually if you include a sex worker in Hollywood she often has a heart of gold, she often has her own sense of values that goes at odds with society, but is more true and less hypocritical than a privileged lady’s. I thought that's what they would've done with the added trope of back at home sweetheart to contrast and pit her against the despicable femme fatale of Lady Bertilak and her adultery and her ladyship...and I'm glad they didn't...but you did nothing with Essel than to shit on her for existing when you made her exist, you know. Lady Bertilak being portrayed as the seductress devil incarnate. Look I know adultery is a touchy taboo, but uh her and Gawain hit it off in the poem, dammit! Her values and his values come to clash, but here it's played off as Gawain is stupid and covetous and Lady Bertilak wants to prove something because...? If my brother's theory that she's a figment of Morgan Le Fay's magic, then I'll take this as a lesson of Gawain is impulsive and covetous and his mom knows it, but he don't want to fuck his mom, but he wants her power, and Morgan wants to teach him a lesson... I guess. Hey we don't have misogynist speeches in this movie, but we'll make sure to have the movie drip with it with no point, or commentary. Pass. Lord guilting, extracting and initiating the same sex kiss and only once. Poem automatically better that Gawain don't have to keep being reminded to keep his part of the bargain and he does it willingly more than once. What he doesn't do is give up his belt...gods how did we get more homophobic as a society that the homoeroticism here is worse? Catholics of the middle ages officially had no issue doing same sex, passionate kissing until it lead to sex. The Ending: The gods damn ending. In the movie as is, Gawain waits to uphold his end of the bargain and get his head chopped off. He imagines, even though we don't get any fuzzy or distortion to indicate this is a dream, but I already knew this was coming, he runs away and comes home, is regarded a hero, he sees his lady, takes her from behind and if you saw Brokeback Mountain (I didn't, but DJ has) you know this is a sign of disrespect to women. He gets her knocked up, pays her off for the kid she wants to keep, he is crowned king, marries the ghostly saint lady he helped retrieve her head earlier from a lake in the movie (this right here is the damn tip off). There's no more dialogue by this point and everything is montaging, so you know by now it's a dream, though nothing is out of focus. He rules as a heartless king, his whore son dies from war he waged, he has a daughter, his wife dies. Gawain then takes off the belt that would've saved his life and his head falls off. This would've been the one good twist, except... In this sequence of events he never had his head cut off so uh... now we back in present day. He decides not to bitch out, Green Knight in a sexy way is like "now off with your head," movie cuts to credits with no resolve...uh what the fuck? What the fuck? This is not good. You wasted the one twist in your dream when idk, you could've...

How I'd fix it: No dream sequence at all. No Incident At Owl Creek twist. Gawain comes home a hero and survivor of this game and ordeal. He wears this belt of shame. He becomes a well-renowned knight, but he bears a shame. One day he goes to take off his belt and his head falls off because he cheated to get this belt and to survive this encounter. There. Done. Improved your high concept movie that couldn't play any of the lessons straight from the damn poem without making everyone an asshole for no reason! Ugh! But nope you had to end it on we don’t know if Gawain lives or dies...because...it's dream magic made from his momma's witchcraft...?

Last Thoughts So then post-credits scene because Marvel because Pirates Of The Caribbean existed. A white girl who looks nothing like Gawain's daughter we see who didn’t pay off, or any child I can remember through this whole movie picks up King Arthur's crown that dream Gawain inherited and puts it on her head. Who is this girl? Are we gonna have an indie equivalent of of the Marvel Movie Universe/Universal Horror Monsters thing with ancient British legends? We gonna get a Life Of Saint Patrick next that crosses over? I don't know. What is this?

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waywardteamfreewill · 5 years ago

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Character: Dean Winchester Timestamp: Ages 14-41 trigger warnings: Underage feelings for Harrison Ford, lots of internalized homophobia, mentions of homophobia but no homophobic actions are done towards Dean, drunken kissing, NSFW elements in Garth’s section but no smut, alcoholism implied in the therapist section, and mentions of John Winchester’s A+ parenting, but no actual interaction with him.

Dean is fourteen when he starts looking at Harrison Ford differently. It’s not just him, it’s all his favorites, but right now it’s all about Harrison Ford. His dad is on a hunt in the next town over, leaving Sam and Dean in some cheap motel. For once, he’s not itching to join him, because the local cable is having an all day Harrison Ford marathon, starting with Star Wars and ending with Indiana Jones.

He’s always admired the guy. He’s good looking, knows how to handle a gun, wears an awesome hat, and always wins the hot girl in the end. The thing is that Dean always wanted to be him, and as he watches Indi somersault out of the way of an oncoming boulder, he still does, but there’s something more there tonight that he hasn’t noticed in the past.

His cheeks feel flushed and there’s heat tickling underneath his skin. At first, he thinks he’s getting a fever or something and moves over to the other bed, just in case he’s contagious. The space does nothing to help Dean though, and his pink cheeks grow bright red when Indiana kisses Willie in Temple of Doom. As the music swells, and he lowly says the words “primitive sexual practices,” Dean finds that he’s picturing himself in Willie’s place, with Harrison Ford looming over him and dipping down to kiss him deeply.

The realization of what he’s doing crashes into him, leaving him a little sick to his stomach as he snatches the remote and turns the TV off abruptly. He swallows roughly to chase away the sick feeling and gives Sam a feigned apologetic look. “I--uh--think I’m gettin’ sick or something. I’m going to bed,” He says. But hours after the lights are turned off and he’s buried under the covers, he’s still wide awake.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is seventeen, and this is the longest they’ve stayed in one place since he watched their house in Lawrence disappear from the backseat in the Impala. When their dad took on a pretty big case in Florida, he left the Sam and Dean with Bobby, and then...just kind of left them there. It’s been three months. At first he was pissed. He’s old enough to go on hunts with his dad. He’s been on plenty, while Sam was safely hidden away in a motel.

“You gotta watch over Sammy,” John said, like he always does when Dean asks to go. It felt like a shitty excuse at the time, but now he can’t imagine being away from his little brother this long, and while he’ll never admit it, he’s glad he left them with Bobby.

For the first time, Dean actually knows the names of the other kids in his class. He has decent grades, and he’s even considering trying out for the baseball team. Sammy seems happy too. Dean has seen the poor kid get ripped away from school after school, trying to keep his sobs quiet in the backseat as their dad drove away from yet another town. He hates himself for thinking of it, but when he sees how settled Sam is at Bobby’s, he hopes their dad doesn’t come back.

And maybe he’s happy too, and he tries not to feel guilty, but it’s not like his dad will ever know. Whenever he shows up for them, Dean will follow with a “yes, sir,” like he always does. Until then, he just lets himself be a normal seventeen year old for once. He even found a group of friends and everything, a few guys from his gym class. There’s Matt, Jordan, and Aaron with the too blue eyes, or at least that’s what he calls him in his head. As if he’d ever have the nerve to call him that aloud.

Thoughts about boys creep up on him like itch, dull at first but the more he ignores it the more insistent it becomes. When he first noticed these...feelings, he told himself, “It’s a celebrity crush, it’s fine. Everyone gets those.” But then it grew into, “It’s just some stranger in a diner, it’s fine. You’ll never see him again,” and now it’s, “It’s just your good looking friend, it’s fine.”

It’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine.

It’s not fine, but Dean pushes it down and pretends it’s not there. Besides, he hasn’t stopped noticing girls. If anything, he’s notices them more. As long as that’s the case, there’s no reason to act on these feelings or even acknowledge them. His dad doesn’t want a whole lot from him. He wants him to protect Sam and be a good hunter, but Dean sure as hell knows what he doesn’t want for him, and that’s being with another guy like that, especially when he’s still attracted to girls. He’s seen the way his dad looks at gay guys, heard the comments he makes under his breath, and there’s no way that’s the kind of life he wants for his sons.

He needs that reminder right now as the four of them are packed together in a crowded movie theater, seeing Scream. At some point, Aaron scooted closer to Dean’s side, pressing their shoulders together. The screams from the crowd sound like a dull roar in his ears when Aaron’s pinky brushes against his, and he holds his breath as he slowly tangles them together, until they’re practically holding pinkies. He should rip his hand away, he even stiffens as he prepares himself to, but then his shoulders sag as he leans further into the touch. He doesn’t want to pull away. His eyes burn as he stares fixedly at the screen with how badly he doesn’t want to pull away.

They stay like that for the rest of the movie, sneaking glances at each other, but keeping the touch to just their shoulders and pinkies. When the credits roll, Dean finally pulls away, stretching as he stands to try and come off as casual as possible. They toss their popcorn in the trash and talk about the movie as they head out of the theater. Matt and Jordan give them a quick pat on the shoulders before heading off, and before Dean can go searching for Bobby’s truck in the parking lot, Aaron grabs his elbow to keep him from leaving.

“Dean?” His blue eyes flicker from Dean’s face to the ground nervously, “I was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime. Like without Matt and Jordan.”

“You mean like…” He trails off, unsure if he can even say it, but Aaron beats him to it.

“Like a date, yeah. I don’t know if you--if you’re--well, I thought I’d try, at least,” He gives a nervous look as he braves meeting Dean’s gaze.

His first instinct is to be furious, to fly off the handle at him for even daring to assume that Dean isn’t anything but straight, to tell him he doesn’t swing that way and storm off, maybe even get a punch in, but he’s frozen. Despite all his promises to himself that he wouldn’t ever acknowledge this thing that follows him around, he starts entertaining the idea of letting himself have this. His dad is on the other side of the country, he’ll never find out. Nobody has to know if they keep it to themselves. He can just try it this once to get it out of his system and then stick to girls.

“Yeah, okay,” Dean chokes out before he even fully gives himself permission to, and he knows he needs to leave now before he chickens out, “I gotta go. Uh--I’ll call you.” Aaron lets out a huge, relieved breath before giving Dean one of those grins that make his insides squirm with delight, and he smiles back, giving him a playful wink before walking away.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

“Watch it, brother. You don’t wanna eat sand,” A husky voice laughs as he grips Dean’s shoulders with strong hands to steady him.

Dean just admired him, in general. He’s having a hell of a time ignoring it when his dad is always there. Maybe, it’s just his paranoia talking, but it feels like he’s watching Dean too closely, noting how he acts around Lee. Which is what inspires their first escape from John Winchester in a slew of rowdy drunken activities. After he caught them wasted in a middle of a hunt, they started being more discreet about it, so while John was dead asleep in his motel room, the two of them snuck off to a bar and then stumbled their way to the closest beach.

Lee’s hands on his shoulders make him feel both grounded but also like he’s teetering over the edge of a cliff. The moon illuminates his face from where it’s hovering near Dean’s, his blue eyes boring into his. In his drunken state, he forgets what they were talking about, or if they were even talking at all, and all those walls he’s been building around himself for the past decade feel flimsy, like the slightest nudge will knock them all down.

“Dean,” Lee breathes, low and rough, and it sends a tingle down his spine.

Something like recognition shows in Lee’s eyes before he clasps the back of Dean’s neck and draws him down to seal their lips together in a tentative kiss. It’s more gentle and hesitant than his actual first kiss, but it makes his entire body practically sing. He hears a desperate noise over the sound of the waves, and he thinks it might’ve come for him, but he doesn’t care. He can beat himself up for that later, but for now, he sighs against Lee’s lips and deepens the kiss, letting himself have this.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Lee is the longest relationship he’s ever had, which is pretty sad, considering it lasts for about a month. But in that month, they find creative ways to sneak around his dad and even get caught up in some kind of wild orgy with triplets. It all crashes and burns when a case in Arizona goes horribly, horribly wrong, and Lee can’t just move past it. He quits hunting and leaves Dean to go back home, giving him one last lingering kiss before he drives away.

A week after Lee and his dad left, he’s sitting in the parked Impala, dialing Sam’s number.

“Heya, Sammy,” He greets his brother, trying to keep his voice as nonchalant and cheerful as possible. They talk about Sam’s homework and friends, and Dean tells him about some interesting hunts, leaving out the most recent one. He doesn’t tell him about dad leaving, but Lee is on the tip of his tongue. Part of him wants to tell Sam--to get this weight off his shoulders, for one more person to know so it doesn’t feel like some big fever dream.

“Sam,” He starts, his tone suddenly serious. “I’m...” He stops. He’s what? He’s not gay, but he obviously ain’t straight either. But who says he has to label himself right this second though? He can just tell him about Lee. “I…” He tries again, but the words just don’t come.

“I gotta go. Take care of yourself, okay?”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

“That’s pretty nice timing, Cas,” Dean breathes shakily, overwhelmed by the sheer relief that this Cas is his Cas, not the version he left in 2014.

“We had an appointment,” Cas replies, and there’s so much warmth in his gravely voice that Dean wants to chase it and hold it close to his chest. He feels his face do something that’s probably too open and too fond, but he doesn’t do anything to mask it. Instead, he firmly rests a hand on the angel’s shoulder and looks him straight in the eye before saying, “Don’t ever change.”

Dean wouldn’t say Cas has much variety in his facial expressions, so the hint of a smile he gets in return feels huge. It reaches his eyes more than his lips, and something about that makes it more genuine. This isn’t the first time Dean felt something after prolonged eye contact with the guy, far from it, but it’s usually a shock of heat or desire--this is something else entirely. He just wants to find more ways to earn looks like this, which seems impossible with the apocalypse around the corner, but he wants to try.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

Dean is thirty-two, and he’s very naked, and very sticky. He curses himself under his breath for not taking the time to clean up before passing out, but he must’ve worn himself out. For a second he forgets where he is or who he was with the night before, but when he cracks an eye open, he sees peeling yellow wallpaper from the ugly ass motel room he’s been staying in. He blindly reaches a hand out behind him and makes contact with an equally naked and sticky body.

“Hey, watch the hand,” A very familiar voice laughs from behind him, causing Dean to whip around in surprise, wincing at the soreness that follows.

“Garth?” He asks wearily.

Dean blinks a few times to try and wake himself up, and when he’s feeling a little less disoriented, the night before comes back to him--and, oh yeah, he remembers it. Who would’ve thought a little guy like Garth could be such a firecracker in bed? Maybe, he somehow sensed that about him, and that’s why he was so eager to find out.

In the short time he’s known Garth, he wouldn’t say he’s had many dirty thoughts about him. He didn’t have many thoughts about anyone these days, not since Cas...Dean quickly ends that train of thought there. The nightmares are enough. The thing with Garth just kind of happened, between the goodbye hugs, and the comments about how good he smells, the little smiles he keeps sending Dean’s way, he figured why the hell not?

“I remember,” He gives a quiet laugh before clearing his throat awkwardly, looking from Garth’s bare chest to the sheets. “Look, Garth, I--uh--I’m not really looking for a relationship or anything,” He begins, and it feels so overused and rehearsed. He hates having this talk, which is why he usually sticks to waitresses or women, and the occasional man, that he won’t ever see again. He doesn’t want to shoot Garth down, but after Cas--he just thought things would be different by now. He thought they would be different now, but that hope died when he pulled Cas’s soaking trench coat out of the water.

Dean feels his entire body sag in relief, and now that, that awkwardness is out of the way, he feels his body react to Garth’s close proximity, the memory of the night before has him ready to go all over again. Resting a hand on the hunter’s naked hip, he leans in until their noses brush, “In that case, round two?” He asks, his voice practically a quiet purr.

“Round two,” Garth agrees before pulling him in for a heated kiss.

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

“I don’t know. I guess that was the first time I did something like that without feeling guilty after. I didn’t really even think about the fact that he was a dude that time,” Dean recounts, picking at a stray thread on his jeans. He’s forty-one and the world is still turning. Chuck is gone, Jack and Eileen are back, Cas is human, Sam is okay, and everything should be fine. But it turns out that peace on earth doesn’t erase decades worth of repression and trauma.

It took storming out of a few therapist’s office before he found the right one. Dr. Williams, or Charlotte, is pretty nice, so far. She listens to all his stories that would sound absolutely insane to an outsider, and hardly bats an eye. Usually, they talk about Hell or Michael, but somehow the subject shifted to his history with men today, starting with him telling her about the ring he got Cas for Christmas. The one he almost didn’t give him--the ring that isn’t an engagement ring despite the looks Sam keeps giving him, but hopefully isn’t just a friendship ring either.

“And how do you feel now? With Castiel? Do you still feel ashamed of your feelings or sexuality?” She asks calmly as she looks up at him over her notebook.

Dean grimaces at that word--sexuality. He’s had so many years to accept the fact that he isn’t straight, that he likes men too, that he more than likes a particular man specifically. Still, he can’t get himself to say the actual word, not even in his own head. His old man has been dead for thirteen years, and it still feels like he’s looming over his shoulder whenever he even considers it. Sometimes, he wishes he told him when he accidentally wished him back into existence, but he’s glad he didn’t. Of all the people who deserve to hear it first, it’s not his dad. The fact that he even thinks that tells him these sessions are doing something.

“Sometimes...yeah,” Dean mutters and nervously licks his lower lip, “I know my family won’t care. Hell, they probably already know, but I don’t know. I just can’t shake it, I guess.”

“You don’t have to come out,” Charlotte tells him, and her voice isn’t too gentle like some of the other Therapist’s were, but it’s not too matter-of-fact either, which is why he likes her so much. “Not with an official statement, at least. You should do what you’re comfortable with. Like, next time you watch Star Wars, instead of keeping all those thoughts about Harrison Ford to yourself, say them aloud.”

Dean merely raises a brow in response, he’s pretty sure nobody wants to hear what he has to say about Harrison Ford. He’s come up with way so many jerking off fantasies to that guy, that most of his thoughts are something along the lines of, “I’d sell my soul to fuck Harrison Ford.”

Charlotte seems to catch on quick and lets out an amused snort, “The safe for work version.”

“I know that uh--that being bisexual is okay,” He stammers out and rubs the back of his neck as it prickles with nerves, “Which is what I am, I mean, bisexual. I’m just trying to believe that it is.” It’s the first time he’s actually said it, and it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as he thought it was. He still feels sick with anxiety, and like he wants to drink an entire bottle of whiskey when he gets home, but the fact that he did it at all lifts a huge weight from his shoulders.

Charlotte gives him an impressed nod and jots down a few notes, “Well, that’s a good start.”

⚤ ⚤ ⚤ ⚤

After his session, he comes home and gives some flimsy excuse about his whereabouts before pouring himself a drink. Cas isn’t in the kitchen or his room, but it doesn’t take Dean long to track him down. The new human spends a lot of time in the same spot these days. Shrugging on a coat, he brings his glass outside and walks to the little area Cas so carefully turned into his garden.

Dean doesn’t announce his presence, just watches from a safe distance as Cas mutters quietly to his plants. The sun occasionally glints off the silver ring on his middle finger, and it brings a fond smile to his lips. After everything they’ve been through, after losing him so many times, Dean can’t believe he’s really here. It’s not perfect, Cas is struggling with his new humanity, and the distance between them hasn’t been fixed, but it’s still good.

And Dean loves him.

#selfpara: dean

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Link Tank: Jensen Ackles Is Finally (the Voice of) Batman

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

After years of talk amongst fans, Jensen Ackles will finally be (the voice of) Batman in the upcoming Batman: The Long Halloween: Part One.

“At long last, a collective dream has come true and Jensen Ackles is playing Batman. Yes, after literal years of jokes and connections to Bruce Wayne on screen and off, Ackles will voice Batman in the upcoming animated feature Batman: The Long Halloween: Part One.”

Read more at Inverse.

The post Link Tank: Jensen Ackles Is Finally (the Voice of) Batman appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/39ANjGv

#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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haunted-victorian-hermit · 5 years ago

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1) rainbow phone case, because I'm basic like that.

2) orange-y yellow or really dark teal or Lovat green

3) I own a small gay pride flag, and an Ace button.

4) dark plum silk shirt, dark blue jeans, belt with gold buckle, black heeled boots, hoop earrings and a quartz pendant. Add my favorite wool coat and I'm happy as a clam.

5) when she laughed at my stupid joke.

6) I try, I usually pick it off, but I'm working on being better about it.

7) I used to be r e a l l y disorganized until I hit the tenth grade. I've reorganized my entire bedroom and I'm really proud of myself for it.

8) only on long bus rides.

9) my best friend in the fourth grade, Abby. I moved away in the middle of the year and I haven't seen her since :/

10) I don't crush often, but when I do, I fall hard.

11) um, basically waking up alert, go to school and finish all my work in class. Going to a bowling game and scoring over 100, going home and writing poetry while listening to my favorite songs. Play with my hermit crabs, talk to my best friends, and falling asleep at a reasonable time

12) going to a spoken word poetry event, then wandering around the city, looking at the stars and each other.

13) I really like my mom's sweet potato casserole, and also lasagna.

14) My ASL or English teachers, my therapist, or my 4 best friends.

15) being told I'm appreciated or that I'm nice to be around

16) I do like high school. I'm currently a sophomore, and my classes are challenging, but I really like the structure and what I'm learning.

17) betta fish. They're gorgeous and extremely smart. I have 4. Sherlock, Hamlet, Maud, and Valentine.

18) I like my nickname, KT, because I chose it. It used to be Katee, but everyone spelled it wrong, so I decided to drop the vowels.

19) I like cloudy days, right before it rains. Being able to wear my favorite coat without getting overheated, and you can smell the dirt in the air.

20) not really, I'm supposedly and Aries, but I act more like a Gemini or Capricorn. So I dunno

21) music taste? Never heard of it. I listen to everything, from Broadway to Indie to Classical to Rap. Only stuff I don't really like is Country and Death Metal.

22) yes, I've had my first kiss. If the pocky challenge doesn't count, this lesbian had her first kiss with a boy. A boy that wanted to literally start world war III. That didn't last long. I found out I was full gay, and he dropped out of school

23) my favorite stuffie was a pink dragon named sparky

24) I wake up at 5:15, and go to bed around 9:30

25) have a month long stay-cation in a small town in Vermont.

26) 1 dog, 2 cats, 4 betta fish, and 4 hermit crabs

27) don't have one

28) My best friends, theatre puns, stories about public school

29) depends on the kind of heavy. Wool sweaters and comforters are a good kind of heavy, but waking up in the middle of the night after a nightmare is the bad kind of heavy

30) talking to friends, writing poetry, and hot apple cider

31) being open and forward about how I feel about people and defending them with everything I can. Also many hugs

32) I haven't had a haircut since last August, and I don't intend to get one any time soon because I'm growing out my pixie cut

33) East coast. I'm a sucker for all things historical, and the weather is similar to where I live, so I wouldn't feel too out of place.

34) Friends, yes, very much, and I try to return the favor. Family, not so much.

35) absolutely not! Up until I was 12, I didn't even know what gay meant. I experimented a lot with my gender and sexual identity, but the fact is I'm just a plain ol' lesbian

36) My cat chasing me when I pull his food out of the cupboard, my ASL teacher making puns, inside jokes about spoons and palm trees, relatable ADHD posts, cursed images.

37) I literally wouldn't be able to pick. But I'll do my current top character from each kind of fiction material. Movie: Tony Stark (Marvel). TV show: Sherlock (BBC Sherlock). Book: Jason Grace (Percy Jackson)

38) Rhiannon McGavin, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, and my 2 closest friends

39) Chaotic, Driven, Empathetic

40) about 30 minutes

41) Life is going to happen, and It'll be scary and new, and it will seem like everyone around you is absolutely fine. Don't be afraid to ask for help or support, because that's the best way to continue, while keeping yourself healthy.

42) go to college, buy a house, invest in college for my future children, donate to charities, reasonable things like that

43) yeah, I'll start crushing on someone and as soon as she looks at me, I'll start thinking of a wedding, or a house, or whatever.

44) thinking my best friend Abby was cute when I was 9. Or wearing all rainbow on my 8th birthday

45) I really want 3 tattoos in particular. A semicolon on my wrist, a paper airplane with my best friend's birthday in roman numerals on my ankle, and tigger and eeyore on my colllarbone.

46) putting off my homework until the last minute and psyching myself out

47) my poetry

48) I thought I was trash for a long while, but I know now that I am meant to be here and I'm worth it

49) making cookies with my best friend for a school project. We laughed so much. It was everything.

50) yes, dark chocolate especially

51) physically, I like my nose. It's a nice, straight nose, that turns up at the end. My parents both have wonky noses, so I'm glad mine looks good. But personality wise, I like the fact that I'm a good listener. Sometimes all you can do to comfort someone is listen, and sometimes people won't expect you to actually hear them, and they'll be surprised when you talk about their favorite things. Teachers like it too lol.

52) Glasses, leather jackets, cropped hair, gap teeth, bangs, music taste... I could go on and on

53) I'd recommend reading The Blue Girl by Charles deLint

54) Not really. My first ex was a boy I dumped, and my other ex and I are still friends, we just weren't made out for being a couple.

55) when I'm reading or studying in my room and when I'm with my friends

56) Zendaya

57) Queen of the Night -Hey Violet, Leave Me Alone -NF, Invitation -Ashnikko

58) Hopes: That I'll get a scholarship to my school of choice and that my Bio grade will go up. Fears: failing a class and scarecrows

59) Cherry Natural Ice or Melon Eos

60) I wasn't for a long time, but I think I can say yes, I am okay.

asks for gay girls

what does your wallet look like?

favorite color?

do you own a pride flag, or more than one?

describe your favorite outfit.

when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? how’d she do it?

do you use nail polish?

do you keep organized?

ever take naps?

who was your first crush?

what are your crush tendencies? fall hard or often?

describe your ideal day.

describe your ideal date.

what’s your favorite food?

who do you feel most comfortable around?

what is your favorite compliment to recieve?

did you/do you like highschool?

favorite animal?

do you like your name?

what kind of weather is your favorite?

do you believe in horoscopes?

tell us about your music taste.

have you had your first kiss? if so what was it like?

did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a kid?

what time do you usually wake up/go to bed?

what dream trip would you take with your wife?

do you have any pets?

what pair of underwear is your favorite?

what makes you smile?

what makes you feel heavy?

what makes you feel better?

how do you show your love?

when is it time to get a haircut?

where would you live if you could live anywhere?

do your friends and family take good care of you?

have you always used the labels you use now?

what makes you laugh?

who is your favorite fictional character?

who do you admire?

describe yourself with three words.

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

what do you wish you could tell your younger self?

what would you do if you won the lottery?

would you call yourself a romantic?

what is your gayest childhood memory?

do you have tattoos or want any?

what’s your worst habit?

what are you proud of?

did you know you’re actually a gift to the world, for real?

what’s your favorite memory?

do you have a sweet tooth?

what do you like most about yourself?

what makes you fall for a girl?

make a recommendation.

have you ever had your heart broken?

when do you feel most yourself?

name a gorgeous celeb.

what are some of your favorite songs this week?

tell us 2 of your biggest hopes and fears.

what flavor of chapstick/lip balm is the best?

are you okay?

6K notes · View notes

regularbeans · 7 years ago

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Best Collaborations of 2017

This list is actually growing every year. Last year I only had 15, before that 10 and 10 in 2014 as well. I love it, yes. Give me more collabs! (And remember, I have a bit of a rulebend where stuff released the previous year’s December still counts.)

20 All Time Low: Ground Control (feat. Tegan and Sara)

If I’m absolutely honest I don’t really know/like Tegan and Sara but I do know they come from around the same neck of the pop punk woods All Time Low does and I can appreciate a bit of out of nowhere collab.

19 ONE OK ROCK: Take What You Want (feat. 5 Seconds of Summer)

I honest to god know nothing about One Ok Rock but I do love those 5SOS boys and miss them quite a lot so I’m happy for this track.

18 Halsey: Strangers (feat. Lauren Jauregui)

Another confession: I don’t think this song is as much the tits as everybody says it is but my bi heart hungers for any sort of representation so I’ll take it thank you very much.

17 Stargate: Waterfall (feat. P!nk & Sia)

This is for a movie, right? Who the heck cares, Pink and Sia are definitely two of the strongest female vocalists out there and hearing them side-by-side is every bit as brilliant as I thought it would be.

16 Clean Bandit: I Miss You (feat. Julia Michaels)

Artists like Clean Bandit, Robin Schulz, Kygo or The Chainsmokers (all of which actually have a place or two on this list) are good cause they’re giving me a constant supply of collabs to love. I don’t even know Julia Michaels and I fell in love with her voice as soon as I heard this song.

15 Robin Schulz: OK (feat. James Blunt)

Not as good as Sugar but good regardless, James Blunt is the last person I thought would be collaborating with Robin Schulz but surprisingly it works.

14 Linkin Park: Heavy (feat. Kiiara)

This song was the first on my list back when it came out and even though I understood the concerns about such a different track being the lead single, I could not side with the criticism saying it’s bad. It’s an emotional, painful song about inner turmoils sung beautifully by Kiiara and Chester Bennington.

13 Kygo: Stargazing (feat. Justin Jesso)

Kygo, buddy, you always have my back when it comes to collabs. I love my dance pop full of samples and this gives me just that.

12 The Chainsmokers: Something Just Like This (feat. Coldplay)

Alright, sue me, I love catchy songs. So what? In this world where pop music has become electronic pop producers like The Chainsmokers have an easy job I’d say and some of the old pop royalty are left to catch up or get left behind. This results in many bands that started out or became famous worldwide in the last decade prioritising the electro pop sound over their old set-up (two examples are Coldplay and the upcoming OneRepublic, by the way). For some it doesn’t work out that great but for Coldplay here it sounds comfortable, showing another side of themselves.

11 Kygo: Stranger Things (feat. OneRepublic)

I think I’ve said all I could about this track in the previous two summaries but let me just add that when Ryan Tedder came out with that announcement about not doing another album anytime soon but rather releasing singles whenever they felt comfortable with it because he felt way too under pressure I became worried. I love OneRepublic despite thinking their music have kind of gone downhill since the good old days of the last decade (see?) and would never want them to force themselves into doing shit they don’t want. With a few amazing collaborations under their belt I’m glad they found their way to this song which fits their repertoire quite well.

...remember the beginning of this post when I didn’t write whole novels for every entry? I miss those times. Click through for the first ten songs.

10 San Holo: I Still See Your Face (GOSLO Remix)

Alright, not a classic collaboration but you know what I mean. San Holo’s always been a weird one for me because I barely listen to his vanilla stuff, I always seem to fancy the remixes only. This one is strangely addictive and once you’ve heard it slowed down like that you don’t really want to go back to the original. Sorry(?)

09 Khalid & Imagine Dragons: Thunder/Young Dumb & Broke

I don’t know how this collab came to be but I like to think that the Imagine Dragons boys and Khalid both separately heard each other’s songs and realised the instrumentals might as well be swapped cause they just fit each other so well. I also recommend the live version which is awesome. I’m so on board with Dan Reynolds wandering into the realms of R&B, it really suits him.

08 Logic: 1-800-273-8255 (feat. Alessia Cara & Khalid)

Mental illness has been getting tons of attention in the mainstream media recently, I think starting around the suicide of Robin Williams (could be sooner but that’s when I became aware of the attention) and that’s not a bad thing but I feel like most artists are still just dancing around the notion of saying things as they are. It’s not a bad thing, I’d rather people are careful rather than misrepresenting or spreading false information and thus enforcing the stigma around mental illness, but then someone like Logic comes out of nowhere with a song whose title is literally the US suicide prevention hotline with several hard hitting lines that tell it like it is. The fact that the music video is about a young black gay boy growing up to be happy is just cherry on top. I’m glad Alessia Cara and Khalid, two people from two different genres came together to collaborate on it.

07 Nothing But Thieves: Hell Yeah (feat. Jonathan Higgs)

Fear not, I will always find a way to cram these assholes onto any list I can get my filthy fingers on. I don’t even know which concert this was and I had no idea these guys even knew each other but it was such a random impromptu collab that I can’t help but love it. The harmonies sounded amazing and I love the idea of any old singer from an otherwise unrelated band just randomly wandering on stage to sing a duet with Conor.

06 dodie: Impossible Year (feat. Jack Howard)

Here’s one of our outliers but one that actually fits our current situation. Panic! forever cemented this song as a must-listen at the end of every year and dodie and Jack Howard did an amazing job covering the song. It works even better as a duet somehow, and I just love their voices together.

05 Lin-Manuel Miranda: Almost Like Praying (feat. Artists for Puerto Rico)

Lin is one of those people who just radiates good energy wherever he goes. You just can’t help but feel positive when he’s around. I imagine it’s a blessing and a burden but when he uses that power to gather around a group of musical legends and contemporary artists to promote a good cause it’s definitely a blessing.

04 Clean Bandit: Symphony (feat. Zara Larsson)

It might just be because this song is the theme song of my OTP but I love it. It’s even weirder because I listened to it a lot this year when I had a bit of a breakdown and yet this song doesn’t remind me of that phase, thankfully. It reminds me that Clean Bandit are master songwriters and Zara Larsson’s voice is too good for the music she does on her own.

03 Machine Gun Kelly: Home (feat. X Ambassadors & Bebe Rexha)

Do I like Machine Gun Kelly? Not really. Do I like Bebe Rexha? Not in particular. Have I seen Bright? Hell no. I do love X Ambassadors to bits, however, and will lay down my life for a good hook any day. It’s a nostalgic sort of bittersweet song about belonging and missing home, and it carries even more meaning when you realise Machine Gun Kelly wrote his verse after he found out about Chester Bennington’s death. I love this song regardless of the background info but it just fits so well together this way. Also Bebe Rexha’s voice is also too good for the music she does on her own. She’s got a beast in that throat of hers, goddamn.

02 Grizfolk: In My Arms (feat. Jamie N Commons)

Two artists that crept up on me without any warning, indie pop Grizfolk and what the hell is Jamie N Commons even doing when he’s not singing for other people? I should probably check out. But until then enjoy this song between two of the strongest vocals you probably never heard of.

01 Cold War Kids: So Tied Up (feat. Bishop Briggs)

You’d think I knew this song would be first on the list for a long time but no sir, I did not. Eventually the deciding factor was that the live version they released before the album came out (link in the title) was so good that when the studio version came out people were outraged that Bishop Briggs was barely featured. It wasn’t even the false advertisement that hurt, it was just that the studio version absolutely wasted Bishop’s talents which as we know are plenty. Luckily Cold War Kids realised their mistake and released a “moreBishop” version which is 1) as it should’ve been from the very beginning and 2) fucking hilarious. The music video (linked here) also features “moreBishop”, thank goodness x)

The list also contained Not Easy by Alex Da Kid and featuring X Ambassadors, Elle King, and Whiz Khalifa but unfortunately it’s from 2016 October as it turns out so :[ (Listen to the song anyway cause it’s really good)

#best of 2017 #long post for ts #tumblr mobile allegedly does read mores and blacklists so.....#there

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vrenaewrites · 4 years ago

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After by Anna Todd thoughts: Ch 51 - 97

Full video here.

CH 51:

Noah was in her room waiting for her when she came in from a fight with hardin

Hardin confesses his feelings in FRONT OF NOAH

Hardin deleted all of Noah’s voicemails the night before

NINETEEN: The “Give me another chance” “you said you don’t date” “not before you” all in FRONT OF HER BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!

TWENTY: NOAH YOU SHOULD GO?!?!?!?!!?

Honestly thought they’d start banging right in front of him so…

TWENTY-ONE: “I know it is the calm before the storm, but hardin is my anchor. I just pray he doesn’t pull me under” - tess

CH 52:

PART-TIME HO MOLLY!!!!!!!

CH 53:

TWENTY-TWO: S my c...just...why and then she says “um yeah if you want me to”

TWENTY-THREE: Have you seen one before? Yeah i walked in on a neighbor watching a naughty movie.

Everything about her seeing his ween for the first time is cringe.

Of course, she’s the best he’s ever had

CH 54:

“I’m not like the other girls”

CH 55:

Hardin’s dad, aka school chancellor, calls her out of class to ask her to convince hardin to come to his wedding. Profesh

CH 56:

TWENTY-FOUR: “I give the proud rebel a kiss on his cheek” - HUH?

CH 57:

TWENTY-FIVE: “I know getting eaten out wasn’t on my schedule this morning, but I can’t think of a better way to start my day”

“It’s only tuesday and molly has almost used up her skank quota for the week”

CH 58:

Landon talks tessa into going to the party to see why hardin didn’t invite her

Molly is on hardin’s lap!!!!!!!!

CH 59:

Zed makes tessa a couple drinks and she gets blitzed and gets dared to kiss him in truth or dare, pissing hardin off

And then zed gets dared to take tessa upstairs and hardin’s like “this is stupid”

Aw zed doesn’t wanna do anything because she’s drunk! Team zed????

He asks her out but wants her to answer when she’s sober!!!!!!!! So sweet!!!

“Molly is perched on his lap like the whore she is”

Hardin dares molly to kiss him, dickhead

CH 60:

SHE SMACKED HIM! GOOD!!!!

Landon comes to pick her up and hardin says he loves tessa in front of everyone at the party

And she calls him sick, GOOD JOB!

CH 61:

She’s staying at landon’s because she thinks hardin will go to her dorm to find her and she sleeps in hardin’s room

CH 62:

She wakes up to find hardin watching her

“We have the same fight over and over, but worse each time” that is why this book is 98 chapters and nothing fucking happens

Kisses her without her wanting it, literally pushing her away

“You made yourself an easy target” - hardin

CH 63:

She decides to go on a date with zed and he brought her a flower!!!!!!!

Zed is literally too good for tessa

He kisses her hand!!!!!!!!

TWENTY-SIX: The heavy handed wuthering heights allegory in class dude…

CH 64:

The parents are getting married next weekend and i already know hardin is going to show up unannounced and make a grand gesture and this is when they’re gonna do it, it’s gonna be like chapter 97…

Hardin never tells anyone he loves them, not even his mom???? Tea

Hardin showed up to dinner!!!!!!!

“One more chance” AGAIN?!!?!?!?!?!?! SIR!!!!!!!

She done left Hardin in the dust to meet zed, yes ma’am

CH 65:

Hardin is at the bonfire with some girl, bro, c’mon

The same shit just keeps happening

Oh shit the girl is gay!

She’s going to zed’s house!?!?!?

“You’re different from the rest of the girls here”

For some reason, zed mentioning that hardin was looking for wedding attire makes her realize she’s in love with hardin

CH 66:

She chases him down, he got in a fight at the bonfire, and takes him his dad’s house

CH 67:

TWENTY-SEVEN: You constantly provoke me - hardin RED FLAG! RED FUCKING FLAG!

She tells him she loves him

TWENTY-EIGHT: “I love this damaged, self-loathing asshole”

CH 68:

TWENTY-NINE: He is like a drug - vomit.com

He takes her shirt off and she mentions it’s again, without her permission

THIRTY: Undress “yes ma’am”

But he won’t have sex with her because….?????? The 60 chapters of her grinding up on him aren’t enough evidence that she’s sure about it??

Because this fucking book needs to be another 30 chapters

CH 70:

THIRTY ONE: When hardin calls me baby my blood sings in my veins

CH 71:

THIRTY TWO: “I love that you are so shy and innocent, but you let me do dirty things to you”

CH 72:

Him and his dad get into a thing and he destroys his bedroom

THIRTY THREE: “No, i’m nice because i love you,” he whispers, and i swoon. “Sleep, beautiful”

CH 73:

TESSA’S MOM SHOWED UP

CH 74:

Ew tessa’s mom convinced noah to take her back despite her being a whore

She calls hardin a freak??? Tf?

She’s threatening to take away her tuition if she won’t break up with hardin

So hardin says they can move in together...they have known each other...for two months…

CH 76:

This bitch got a whole ass office in her internship

Hardin has a job at a different publishing house…

He’s mad that she wants to know about his job?? Fucking weirdo

And she calls him out, good

CH 77:

THIRTY-FOUR: You know what happens when i sleep without you - NEGGING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!

CH 78:

They finally do it and at least she’s honest that it’s not always fun to lose your v-card

THIRTY-FIVE: “This beautiful flawed man who has just made love for the first time in his life”

CH 79:

He won’t talk to her about his job...but wants her to move in with him

CH 80:

She says hi to a guy in the hall AT HER JOB and hardin goes cuckoo bananas

CH 81:

Molly broke up Steph’s relationship because she’s a hooooo

They’re in another fight because he introduced her as his friend

Who tf is jace?

A big creep, hence the friend thing

CH 82:

THEY ARE MOVING IN TOGETHER??????

CH 83:

Jace is at the frat house with his shit friends

Hardin tells her to stay in his room and she won’t because she hates molly so much

They’re playing suck and blow and the guy kisses tessa and hardin starts CHOKING HIM

CH 84:

“If you’re gonna have a problem with every girl i’ve slept with, you need to transfer schools”

He kicks her out!!!!!

But then he tells her to come back?!?!?!

THIRTY-SIX: I happen to be vigorously in love with you - hardin

WHAT. PARDON.

CH 86:

Noah calls to check on her and offers to talk to her mom for her because he is too good for this world

THIRTY-SEVEN: Everything about the apartment: modern but old, the fun indie tiles, etc.

This bitch got an apartment with no credit

THREE MONTHS. SHE HAS BEEN IN COLLEGE FOR THREE MONTHS. THEY HAVE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR THREE MONTHS.

CH 87:

He didn’t get rid of the bloody sheets from their first time...they’re in his trunk…

Hardin is jealous of noah

CH 89:

So is she just not going to school anymore??

Hardin doesn’t come home and doesn’t text her

When he does come home he’s drunk and has been fighting and is being mean to her about being on his case

CH 90:

Omg hardin’s mom got gang raped in front of him because his dad pissed off some dudes

No wonder he hates his dad

CH 91:

Tessa mom is out for blood

Well yeah, she got a call that her 18 year old moved out of her dorm…

CH 92:

Tessa’s mom says she’s stupid for moving in with a boy she barely knows and honestly, agree

TESSA CALLS HER MOM A BIIIIITCH!!!!!!!!!!

Damn Tessa brings up her dad and Tessa’s mom slaps her

I cannot get over how judgemental tessa’s mom and noah are about the tattoos...people like that really exist?

CH 93:

THIRTY-NINE: Hardin, who listens to metal, gives the fray another try because tessa likes them, and he plays her “never say never”

THIS IS PEAK FANFIC MATERIAL

CH 94:

“Ken rubs the back of his neck just like Hardin” hardin doesn’t do that, once again

The wedding is a dream of course

CH 95:

Hardin wants tessa to go to england with him for christmas

Tessa asks what hardin is gonna be up to and he freaks out about her not letting stuff go????

Tessa calls zed to find out what’s up with hardin but he hangs up

CH 96:

Tessa hunts down steph at a bar

Hardin, molly, and jace show up and it comes out that they live together

CH 97:

HARDIN MADE A BET TO TAKE TESSA’S V-CARD

THAT IS WHY HE KEPT THE SHEETS!!!! TO PROVE IT

AND EVERYONE KNEW INCLUDING STEPH

#reading #fiction #after #anna todd #hardin scott #tessa young #cringe #bad books #book review #negative review #fanfic #harry styles #cringe review

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theaudioglow · 4 years ago

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Underwater Club Thump in a Gay Egyptian Nightclub: The Sounds of Lady Gaga's Chromatica

Reading Time: One cold beer.

I crawled on hands and knees through pages of new releases to find that perfect first album to review AKA judge without mercy. Upon hearing that The Killers delayed what will surely be an epic sonic sheen of Brandon Flowers ejaculating charisma, I figured I would have to just go with something obscure and under-the-radar. And that’s exactly what led me to the new Lady Gaga album. Obscure and under-the-radar.

This is how we’re going to do this. Since The Audio Glow is so edgy and unique, we won’t listen to the album first, then craft a careful narrative around a central theme of thoughts. There will be no prior research. I’m simply going to douse my body in pink sequins and write what it evokes as I listen…

Sound good?

*A STAR IS BORN SPOILER* Now, let’s just hope by the end of this album, Bradley Cooper hasn’t hung himself again.

Headphones In. Commence Lady Gaga’s Chromatica.

Track 1 – Chromatica I

Feel like I’m at the Oscars right now. So symphonic. Is this Lady Gaga on Ice? Climactic intro – this is Lady Gaga clearing her throat with an orchestra.

Track 2 – Alice

And we glide right into Alice. I already want to fall down a flight of European stairs into a basement club soaked in blue aura. Definitely a late 90s synth vibe creeping about here. This is like the 2020 version of Rhythm is a Dancer. That was honestly sheer power. Between her always declarative voice and the booming euro-synth – alright, what’s next, Gaga?

Track 3 – Stupid Love

Mmm love me some stupid love. As long as it doesn’t end in the pregnancy thing. Pulsating and urgent. Not my stupid love – the song. Sounds like the anthem that would play during the skate-off scene of a Disney middle school rollerblading competition movie: Oh no, there’s Zach watching from the bleachers in his Billabong shorts! And mom! And my always disapproving vanilla dad who showed up to see what this rollerblading dance thing is all about and is begrudgingly entertained!

I watched the Stupid Love video after hearing the album and the exact way to describe it is Mad Max: Fury Road meets Empire of the Sun. Really pretty generic for a Gaga joint.

Tell me Gaga and Luke Steele of Empire of the Sun don’t use the same eye paint artist.

Track 4 – Rain On Me (with Ariana Grande)

Two powerhouses on the same track. I wish I could ponder whether this song was an innocent take on the rejuvenating qualities of rain or a deluge of liquid innuendo, but the video’s been out for two weeks already. If you go by that, it’s about being able to cry in gothic glam outfits with a dance crew.

The beat is infectious – that’s what you get when you mix a Pop Overlord with the candy apple that is Ariana Grande. I appreciate the underwater swirls of euphoric resonance which ride under the track. Another reason why this song’s already a quarantine banger in your mom’s 2018 Kia Sportage with the bass turned up: the production is so tight. Obviously, with an album as obscure and indie lo-fi as a Gaga joint, I did not expect this level of gloss.

Track 5 – Free Woman

“I walk the downtown, hear my sound.” Nice line. Already loving that firm, strong beat with the currents of electricity reverberating off her voice. Notice all these songs so far are almost exactly three minutes. There were probably like, 27 producers working to cut these tracks just right (as would be typical of an indie garage pop album), but it’s noticeable how focused she is on pumping out straight dance snack tracks.

Unless I’m mistaken, Lady’s Gaga’s empowered yell of “I’m a free woman” leads me to believe this song is probably not about submitting to a man and cooking him casseroles.

Track 6 – Fun Tonight

This song is already primed to be the seventh song in a two-hour set in front of 70,000 fans with glowsticks. Sparser, simpler beat than some of the previous tracks. Leaning more into her pop element versus the euro/club vibes from the first few. What’s the theme here? Declarative. Power. Leaning into the night.

Track 7 – Chromatica II

The symphony has returned. The Lady Gaga lets the orchestra take over so she may chug a bottle of glitter water.

Track 8 – 911

Lady Gaga feeling dangerous. This beat is like seven women in leather stride confidently into the room and demand to see the DJ. On a serious note, this song is completely about Lady Gaga’s use of anti-psychotic medication and her battles against herself. Gaga’s been a moon goddess of the stage for what, 13 years now? She still effortlessly melds her struggle into dance tracks that sound like a dominatrix standing on top of a moving train. If I were a guy who had a site that was, say, into analyzing sounds and emotions, I’d observe that the power of her sound is her way of saying “I claim who I am through the sheer authority of these beats – I own myself”.

Track 9 – Plastic Doll

Ah, hell yes, Guh-ga. This beat is like a cryogenically frozen robot awakens and learns human emotion on the dance floor. Ironically, it sounds like a meta take on her own image as a caricature of a pop star. But it’s ambiguous if she’s talking about society judging her or a man. “No, I’m not your plastic doll.”

Track 10 – Sour Candy (with BLACKPINK)

Bringing in that freaky vibraphone. This is what I was waiting for, Gaga. Show me that freak stuff. I take that back – I came into this album with an open heart and clean mind…. No, I stand by it. I was looking forward to the freak stuff.

That vibraphone beat is what all dictators should listen to before making a bad decision. “Sir, don’t bomb that village – please listen to the Gaga first.” I guarantee more dictators doused in Gaga vibraphone glitter beats is better for the world.

Track 11 – Enigma

Opening with those subtle swirls of layered resonance. And her voice rises to that declaration of power again: “We could be lovers”. I know I’m heaping a lot of positive energy towards the album, but this song sounds like a generic euro-pop track. Thankfully for the Gaga, her voice carries and it will be fine for future mall background music.

Track 12 – Replay

Gotta praise those intro swirls of euphoric production for the 77th time. Just subtle ripples, and then they let the beat and Gaga carry the rest of the song. Just enough neon phosphorescence to classify the sound as Club over Pop. “Replay” and “911” have the heaviest Club thump-thump.

Track 13 – Chromatica III

It’s hard to commentate on a 27 second song, but…it drifts right into a song with Elton John. Like I said, no prior research! Of course, she needed a cinematic buildup into a duet with Elton John.

Track 14 – Sine From Above (with Elton John)

Oh my goodness, that trance beat break-in at 1:27. I’m gonna keep laying in this song like a puddle of melty starglow, but definitely check out the lyrics. Appreciation is deserved.

Wow. Most powerful on the whole album. I must replay. I listen to August Burns Red in the shower and I’m putting a Gaga song on repeat. I so strongly empathize with songs about holding on to your life, especially one with beats that sound birthed from an underwater gay Egyptian nightclub.

So impressed.

Track 15 – 1000 Doves

Is there really anything else after Sine From Above? Having another powerhouse dance track is like trying to have sex again 15 seconds after having sex. No way this works.

Yeah, I’m spaced. Can we listen to Sine From Above again?

Track 16 – Babylon

Yes, jungle sounds! Please be more Gaga freak stuff. Okay, here we go. This is more of that Gaga-dancing-on-a-giant-pink-penis melded with a…saxophone? 90s dance-jungle-saxophone vibes. Last song on the album, and Gaga wanted to swag out with some dance fluff jungle-saxophone-Egyptian party vibes. I dig.

That’s it. Lady Gaga’s Chromatica. Yeah, I know it was a 1,400 word review – get off my back, peasant!

The Audio Glow’s rating for Chromatica: seven confident dominatrix women dancing in an underwater gay Egyptian nightclub….

that means it’s really good!

Artist Links:

Gaga’s Insta

Gaga’s website

Upcoming Lady Gaga shows:

July 24th, 2020 — Paris July 30th, 2020 — London August 5th, 2020 — Boston August 9th, 2020 — Toronto August 14th, 2020 — Chicago August 19th, 2020 — New Jersey

#lady gaga #new releases #self-empowerment #club music #pop #rain on me #album playlist #electro #dance pop

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starfreaky · 7 years ago

Text

BadBoy!Yoongi Imagine

(wrote this for a friend, decided to upload it. Don't judge me it's bad okay, thanks!)

Tonight was a usual Friday night for me staying in my studio apartment ordering from my local Thai restaurant and watching shitty rom coms. I was already comfortable sitting on my broken in sofa watching some movie how this girl was falling head over heels for this wannabe but i was already sucked in. my phone rang and startled me tearing my attention from the film.

"Hello?" I said with a mouth full of food.

"Hey baby! What are you doing tonight?" It was namjoon. I faintly hear his voice over the loud background music.

"First of all I'm not your baby so don't call me that. Second I'm sitting comfortably at home why?" I already knew why he was asking me what I was doing. And I already knew what he was doing. He was at one of his usual house parties. Namjoon and I had been introduced by a mutual and we just became close. He was one of the many fuck boys who attended the schools popular frat. He is nothing more than a friend though.

"Why don't you like it when I call you baby huh? I call everyone it, and I'm at a party unlike you, you loser." He said back.

"I know you call everyone that but I still find it weird. And for your information I'm not a loser you generic Playboy. I just don't enjoy being in that type of scene..." I say in an annoyed tone.

"Okay if that's what you say babe" he said teasingly back at me. "Why don't you get out of that shit of an apartment you have and come out."

"Uhh.." I say hesitantly

"C'mon I'll call you can Uber. All you need to do is get ready okay? Tonight's on me." He tells me eagerly.

"I just-". I can't finish my sentence

"It'll be there in 15 go get ready okay?"

You huff and you just agree to shut him up. honestly he was sort of right.. I mean I don't really go out maybe I did need to interact with people. It'll help me with my acting skills, you know so I can act and appear interested in whatever some loser is trying to talk to me about.

I walked over to my room and through on my usual: black jeans, a black v neck and a leather jacket. I was left debating whether or not I should wear converse or boots. I decided on the boots, I liked the added height it made me feel more how do you say, powerful? I went to the bathroom and put some eyeliner, mascara and lipstick on my lips and a little on my cheeks to use as a blush. I get a text, it's from namjoon he's telling me that the Uber is arriving. I grab my purse, phone, keys and pocket knife and head out the door. I bet you're asking me a pocket knife? Realllyyy?? Yes because I don't fuck with people. I'm exiting my apartment and I see the car already waiting outside. For namjoon? Yeah I quickly answer and I get in the back seat it is quiet the whole ride there. He pulls up in front of the house and I thank the driver and get off. I stood there waiting for the driver to take off. I stared at the house .

You heard the loud music blaring I sighed. I wanted to get back in the car and leave. But I guess Nam had gotten the notification that I had arrived because he was already waiting outside.

Hey baby!! He yelled as he walked over to be with his hands out ready to embrace me in a hug. He was wearing some converse, black jeans and a black v neck with a jean jacket. and to top it off a black baseball cap worn backwards. His smiled and open arms greeting me.

"Finally!!"

He already smelled of alcohol.

"Hi" I muttered.

"Welcome to the crib! I'm glad you were able to find room in your busy schedule to come over". He ended his comment with a laugh

"Oh you're ever so welcome" I say sarcastically.

He walks me into the house. His hand on my waist making sure the crowd of people doesn't swallow me alive. The music is loud and it hurts my ears. I stay as close to Namjoon as possible. I just want to get into the kitchen as fast as possible, I don't even want to be here. Namjoon keeps getting stopped by people on the way to the kitchen it feels like we're never going to get there. But slowly but surely we arrive. He asks me what I want to drink and I tell him I want a Coke and he just laughs. He offers me a beer but I politely decline. So he just pops open a Mike's hard for me. I glare at him and he just laughs. He leans into me and says c'mon just one. I sigh and tell him that I wasn't a pussy that I can drink a beer but he ignores my comment and pushes me through the sea of people until we hit the back yard. We talk for a bit he tells me which girls are on his fuck list. I just half listen to him as I see people drink.

"Are you even listening to me Sam?"

"Uh yes I am." I say unconvincingly

"No you're not you're in your own little world. but thanks for lying and saving my feelings. Youre not the best at it though, you should work on it." He laughed.

"Fuck off." I say.

"Hey watch your language!" He says teasingly.

"Don't tell me what to do!" I spat back. He just laughs and takes another sip from his red Solo cup. a group of 4 guys come over and a girl. Ugh the time I most dreaded had come. The time to socialize.

"Hey guys!! Glad you could make it!" Namjoon exclaims to the group of people who were approaching us. I just smile at them.

"this is my friend Sam. Sam these are my boys Jimin, Hosek, V, and Yoongi." Jimin smiled and said hi to me. He almost looked either gay or just smooth. He was one of those comfortable smooth people? He just knew how to speak. His voice was soft. He made me feel comfortable. He wore a Hawaiian shirt with blue skinnies. Hosek was loud from the start he spoke to me as if we had known each other for a long time. He wore black chinos and a white v neck. You could tell he was the outgoing one. V, He has a girl with him. He was wearing a fireball shirt and dark blue skinnies. He just smiled and his girl glared at me. Bitch I don't even wanna be here. The last thing I am going to do is steal your man. Last but not least was Yoongi. He has a dark vibe to him.he wore black skinnies a black tee and a leather jacket. He looked like he didn't even want to be here. He almost looked like he hated me for whatever reason it was. We all say in a group and talked well everyone except Yoongi he only said about to things and just sat back and stared at everyone taking sips from his solo cup every now and then. We spoke about our majors and intrests for a while before slowly they all left first it was v with his gf I guess? Who knows who she was to him. It was Namjoon, hosek and yoonji leeft. I tried to initiate conversation with yoongi but he just spat out rude sarcastic answers towards me. I'm just trying to be nice to his punk ass fucking prick. I had told him I was an aspiring actress and he just laughed in my face and mockingly said "okay" I don't know what his problem was. Namjoon had announced to us that he was going to get a drink that he was going to be back and I just nodded at him. And I was going to ask Hosek a wuestion until he had gotten a phone call. He excused himself. It was just me and Mr. Emo left.

Sooo I asked him how he was and he just stared at me and raised his eyebrow.

"If you're going to make small talk with me then I don't want to speak to you." He rudely said to me.

"Why the fuck are you so rude?!" I spat out

"I'm not I just don't want to talk about stupid shit with Namjoons toy for the night."

"First of all asshole I'm not his toy. I'm no ones toy! We're just good friends okay? Second of all get whatever is up your ass out because I'm just trying to be nice to you, you prick"

He just sat back into his chair and laughed and took another sip from his red Solo cup.

"Oh baby me? An asshole? never."

You just rolled your eyes.

It was quiet you looked around in search for.namjoon but he was nowhere to be found. So I resorted to my phone trying to look busy.

Suddenly the silence broke.

"You know he's not coming back right? Namjoon. ."

I stayed quiet.

"He's out probably fucking some girl"

I just stared at him.

"Are you going to say anything?" He asked annoyed

"What do you want me to say to ya huh?" I say upset

"I don't know but don't leave me here looking like a psychopath talking to myself." He was becoming more annoyed.

"I don't want to give my attention and time.to people who won't appreciate it." You say.

"Who says I don't?." He questions.

"The way youre looking at me says it all. You made fun of me for saying that I want to be an actress!" I shout irritated by him.

"You don't look like an actress to me. You don't fit the look. That's all..." He sees no offense into what he's said.

I just rolled my eyes.

"Stop rolling your eyes at me. They're going to get stuck like that." He says

"Good! At least I won't have to see your ugly face." I shout I'm done with him. Why won't he understand that?

He took offense to that, you can see him grit his teeth.

"So what kind of music do you like huh?" He was really trying to make conversation

"I primarily like indie/Alt." I say

"Do you like the smiths?" He asked

"Yeah why?" I say

"What's you're favorite song?" He asked

"There's a-" I didn't even finish my sentence.

"Ha of fucking course. You're like the rest of these fakes and losers out here." He snarked.

"First of all you don't know me! Why ask me stuff if all you're going to do is shit on whatever I say!!" I was fed up.

"I know you well enough just through your shit answers." he said annoyed.

"Listen mister know it all you think you're better than everyone else. But you sir you aren't shit! I'm going!"

"No you're not" he says.

"You don't own me!! So you don't tell me what to do okay asshole?" I yell at him. "You don't go anywhere until I tell you" he says possesivley. " lets go" he says to me. I don't get up. I'm not going anywhere with him. "Let's go! /" He yells. "No!" I spat. He yanks my arm and he drags me into the house were going through the people and dragging me up the stairs. His hand wrapped tightly around my wrist. I try to loosen my wrist frim his grip but he just made it tighter. We reach the second floor of the house and he approaches a room door. He knocks and there is no answer. He opens the door and closes it shut right after me. My back is against the door. "Youre looking nice" he murmured. His face was close to mine. I didn't look him in the eyes. "Look at me" he said. I dont "Look at me!!" He demanded. He smirked. "What's the problem you scared?" Hmm? He says "No I'm not scared of you." I say. "That's not what your body language is saying" he says cockily. "I see the way you look at me you want me." I just stare at him. "why are you doing this? You were being a dick to be no.more than 20min ago and now you're holding me hostage in this strangers room". "Don't act like you don't like it." he says in my ear. I can smell the liquor he had been previously drinking. I tremble. He has a certain dominance to him and he knows the effect he has. . "Look at me." He says softly. I take my time and he changes his tone "look at me now" he says in a deep voice. I do and suddenly he kisses me. I taste the hard liquor he had been sipping on earlier. I didn't want to admit it but he had me wanting more. I didn't want to give in. I didn't kiss back. He only kissed me harder. He moved one of his hands to the back of my neck and his other to the small of my waist. The sudden touch made me gasp and he moaned. He liked hearing me sound vulnerable. I finally gave in and kissed him back and that's when he stopped. He stared me in the eyes and laughed. Then he walked out of the room. He just left me there. Lost. What did he want from me? What even happened. I stood there in silence. I couldn't move. I couldn't mutter any words. He just left me speechless. What the fuck just happened?

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