#gary bettman you too

[petterssonshootsandscores]

ivan provorov’s legacy is that he is horrible at hockey, his gf tried to claim on instagram that he isn’t involved in DrAkE tHE PupStAR’s page, and that he’s scared of rainbow jerseys, what a freaking loser 

[orphicdreamers-wp]

I Know The End — Nico Hischier

Summary; In which a rumor started turns into you staring the end of your lifelong dream in the eye

Content Warnings: Blackmail, false accusations of assault, mentions of cancer, mentions of blood, mentions of suicidal thoughts, mentions of death during childbirth, angst, Jack & Luke Hughes acting out of character, pick me fem oc(Julia), Nico being caught in the crossfire, inaccuracies of being banned from the NHL, female NHL player

Pairing: Nico Hischier & Fem Reader

You had always loved hockey, your father held the highest pride in his only daughter enjoying his favorite sport. He’d played hockey briefly for a professional team in Germany when you were really young. So it didn’t come as a surprise to him when you decided you wanted to play hockey as well. He was reserved to let you play, your mother had died a few years earlier. She died during childbirth with your younger brother, Vincent and your dad didn’t want to lose you too. But reluctantly he agreed to let you play, because he saw how much you loved it.

So you played hockey from your seventh year in school and you eventually made it onto the Professional Women’s League’s Boston team for about a year and a half. But that wasn’t where you heart was. Your father had encouraged you to go for the NHL, but he didn’t make it to your draft. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had stopped responding to treatment just weeks before the draft was scheduled. He had passed away the night before you were drafted by the New Jersey Devils.

You knew before you were drafted that playing on a team with a bunch of guys wouldn’t be easy. You knew that you would find yourself the brunt of the jokes and facing a lot of hazing from the men. But you didn’t mind it, as long as you got to do what you loved you didn’t mind if the men who were on your team hated you and the idea of you being there. As time progressed only one of the players really seemed to be okay with your presence, Nico seemed to enjoy being around you. Whenever the team won and would go out to celebrate Nico always kindly extended the invitation to you, knowing the other guys weren’t.

You rarely accepted but whenever you did you found yourself enjoying the time spent with Nico and occasionally the other players when they were in decent enough moods to tolerate you. So it wasn’t a surprise when you and Nico wound up intertwined in each other and eventually became a couple. But that never would have worked out, not in a million years. So you and him broke up and within a month he was already seeing someone new. Her name was Julia, and you liked her enough. She was smart and kind. But if you knew then that she would be the reason your in the position you are you would have never spoken to her.

You were leaned against the boards untaping your stick after practice when your head coach Lindy Ruff approached you, “I need to see you in my office now.” You were taken aback by the urgency in his tone as you could feel eyes on you. You frowned slightly as you made your way to his office. You raised an eyebrow as you walked into a room full of men, you were used to it so you sat down and waited as an uncertain feeling loomed over your head.

Coach Ruff spoke ever so gently, as if he was scared of your reaction to the news he had, “I’m sure you know Comissioner Gary Bettman, Director of Officiating Stephen Walkom, Security Officer Miles Anderson and this is attorney Leslie Ryans.” You furrowed an eyebrow further growing confused, “What’s going on coach?” Coach Ruff blew out a deep breath, “Over the past 2 days a lot of rumors have been circulating regarding you and some unacceptable behavior.” You frowned, “I haven’t seen anything, what are you referring to?”

Coach Ruff slid a folder across the desk and you stared at the papers inside. It was printed out screenshots from a Twitter account. The tweet was from Nico’s current girlfriend, Julia. It went in depth of an alleged assault she experienced because at your hands because you were jealous of her and her relationship with Nico. You frowned as you shut the folder and dropped it on the desk, “Coach you don’t seriously believe I could do that, do you?”

Coach Ruff shook his head, “This was not the decision made by just me Y/N. This was all the coaching staff here’s decision. Along with Director Walkom. But most importantly this was Commissioner Bettman’s decision. It looks bad for the organization. I’m sorry but the only choice I have is to remove you from my roster and tell you that you are barred from the team and the NHL as a whole for the foreseeable future.”

You shook your head as you stood up, feeling your voice raise, “This is unfair to me. You all just sat behind a closed door and unanimously decided that my career and my reputation were worthless while you believed baseless claims about me that have nothing to back them up?” You ran a hand over your damp cheeks, “How the hell is this fair to me?”

Coach Ruff shook his head, “It’s out of my hands. Pack your stuff.” You shook your head, “How can you do this to me? To reach deep inside of me and pull out everything I have ever worked for and throw it on the ground so carelessly? I resent it.”

A sob wracked through your chest as you took a deep breath, “This is bullshit. I shouldn’t have left Germany, I can’t believe your taking the last piece of my dad away from me. I resent that and I resent you all for that.” You opened the door to the office and were met with Nico, Jack and Luke sporting solemn expressions. Your eyes were bloodshot and stained with tears.

You walked past them and began to empty the contents of your locker. Nico spoke quietly, “Are you okay?” You glared at him as you dropped some of you items into the box, “Like you care.” You dropped the last items in your box as you began to untape the photos of you and your dad and your friends in various places. You picked up your box, the past 4 years of your life amounting to a single box. You sighed as you walked past Nico, “Keep your lying ass bitch away from me. Or god help me it won’t be a rumor anymore.”

Nico frowned at your words, “What the hell is she talking about?” Luke let out a defeated sigh, “This.” He handed Nico his phone as Nico slowly digested the information he was reading. He handed Luke his phone as he found himself driving to Julia’s house. The door opened and Julia smiled widely at the sight of her boyfriend, “Hi baby!” Nico’s tense demeanor didn’t shift, “Why would you post that? I know that’s a lie, why?” Julia’s face paled, “Why do you care? It’s not about you!”

Nico scoffed, “Because you just got her fired for good. She’s banned from the NHL, not just fined. This was the most important thing to her. Why would you do that?” Julia’s voice lowered, sounding similar to a small child who was in trouble, “Jack asked me to get rid of her.” Nico’s eyes widened, “What?” Julia’s eyes watered, “Jack told me that if I didn’t find a way to get her off the team he would tell you about me and Dawson.” Nico raised an eyebrow, “What about you and Dawson?” Julia sniffled, “We hooked up at that party Jack threw.” Nico scoffed, “I don’t care. We’re over, fix this.”

A good month had passed and you had finally accepted that you were done in the NHL. You were packing up your apartment in New Jersey so you could move home to Germany with your grandparents and finally start school. Your phone rang, you frowned slightly as you read Nico’s name across the screen and answered, “Hey what’s up?” Nico’s soft voice filled your ears, “Check Twitter.” You frowned as you opened the Twitter app on your phone when Nico hung up.

You frowned as your phone began to ring endlessly, teams leaving voicemails telling you that they’d love to have you, Coach Ruff leaving messages apologizing and asking you to return. A message from Nico made you smile briefly. He told you to do what you already knew to do. You smiled as you typed out a quick response ‘I did. Check Twitter’

[nicohischierz]

connor bedard a devil: devs!player

tagging: @ivy-34, @francesfarhadi, @hzstry8, @cixrosie, @itsnotgray, @estapa94, @trevs-swiftie, @heartz4hischif you want to join the taglist let me know!!

you were in california and jamie had asked you over for dinner with trevor and jack and one of their new teammates. a rookie.

during the dinner, jamie introduced you to mason, a fellow canadian who had just been drafted by the ducks in the 2021 nhl draft.

the three of you spent the dinner tormenting the poor american.

“it was really nice meeting you mason. remember to text me whenever you want and i’ll be there,” you told the young boy, giving him a hug.

and true to the word, mason texted you whenever he needed help, especially as he moved up and down the roster.

by the time world juniors came around, you and mason were best friends on snapchat and had a sixty day streak.

you congratulated him when he was named captain and constructed a regular facetime schedule for mason to gain advice and to rant.

during on of your facetime sessions, you happened to notice a little head walking past ever so often.

“who’s behind you mase?” you asked.

mason turned around and spotted connor giving him a sheepish smile. “that’s just bedsy,” he replied, nonchalantly.

“bedsy?”

“connor bedard,”

you nodded your head in realisation. “hi connor, it’s nice to meet you,” you called to the boy.

connor popped around and said hello. the boy then started animatedly talking about how he looked up to you as an idol. the way you went against all odds and became the first women to get drafted to the nhl.

from that day onwards, whenever you spoke to mason, connor would also be in the room and chime in whenever he felt like it.

but as the competition got cancelled due to covid, you wished the boys luck and gave connor your number with the order to reach out whenever he felt like it.

and he did just that.

as soon as he got back to regina, connor spent any moment he could asking you for advice on how to cope with all the watching eyes.

he’d spoken to mason and kent as well about the advice you’d given them and decided that suffering in silence wasn’t the best option.

summer worlds

when it came to summer worlds, connor had asked if you were willing to come watch. and so you dragged nico with you to meet the bedard boy.

kent saw you first and gave you a hug before calling connor over. the young boy ran to you, lifting you up in your hug.

“hi connor,” you mused.

“hi. thank you for coming,” he whispered.

you squeezed him before stepping back. “of course! neeks and i didn’t have anything planned for this time so we thought why not,” you replied.

throughout the tournament, you spent time with the canadian team, especially connor, the boy followed you and nico to dinner sometimes and had a long standing dinner invitation for when he gets drafted.

nhl draft

connor was nervous.

everyone had hyped him up to go first overall but he saw what happened with shane.

after the draft lottery, you had called him immediately. you asked how he felt about potentially going to chicago and he answered that he was fairly uncertain.

nico had been the one to push against the hawks getting a draft pick that high. but gary bettman didn’t listen.

during the awards, connor came up to you and nico with a shaky breathe.

“i’m kind of scared to go to chicago,” he answered truthfully.

nico put a hand on his shoulder and brought him in for a small hug before handing him off to you. connor wrapped his arms around you first.

“if you want, i can come with you to rookie camp and help you get settled in, but im sure your mum will be there too,” you assured him.

upon thinking of hehe you knew in the organisation, you realised frank and kevin would be at rookie camp. so you informed connor of them and gave him a little advice “everyone’s going to be a little scared so take it and make friends. one of the toughest things for me was i never spoke to anyone during my rookie camp. jack spoke to me a bit but that was all,”

when he heard his name called, he was relieved that he was going to the nhl. he stood up and hugged his family before walking down to find you.

connor pulled you in for a hug and whispered in your ear “thank you for everything,” before walking to wear his jersey.

first game

you made a call to sid.

“y/n, i can’t tell my teammates to stop their defence and let him score,” the older man whined.

“sidney it’s hi first game and he’s nervous!” you emphasised.

sid shook his head. beside him tanger and geno were wearing enormous grins upon hearing your request.

you huffed before thinking of another plan. “well then can you at least be nice to him and let him win a face off?” you asked.

sid chuckled and turned to his two teammates “we will make sure sid let’s him win a face off,” they promised.

majority of the devils team piled in to yours and nico’s living room in order to watch the first game of the season with you.

and they all vowed not to hurt the poor boy. which brendan smith broke

[nightshadehasblorbos]

Those are our Desert Night jerseys! We've been using them as our 3rds since mid last season

*frantically googling yotes jerseys*

They're just so good. I love the cactus on the pants. And cactuses on the goalie pads too!!! I think Arizona has my favorite jerseys. They're just so aesthetically pleasing in a non-sport context and they have such fun patterns (and colors). And I love how the neck detailing looks like a beaded necklace on their other jerseys. And even when I'm like "oh that's not a necklace it's the jersey," I still can't get over how well it ties the whole jersey together. I don't know if this makes sense, but the Coyotes' jersey just feel a lot more like art than some of the other jerseys in the league. And like the entire uniform is the art not just the crest. I need other teams to up their game with their regular jerseys.

I just don't see much yotes stuff on my dash. I think I might have seen these jerseys but just the front, probably amongst all the other jersey ads, so I never really looked at them, and I never saw them on players where I could see the design on the pants and the socks too. I honestly need to start looking at more yotes content because I haven't seen much of them in a while.

(Oh and the A is like two cactuses leaning together and the C is a crescent moon. Guys stop you're killing all the other hockey players by being way better dressed than them. You're going too hard; no one can catch up. You're too phenomenal; you may be accused of witchcraft and hunted as sport. NHL owners are calling Gary Bettman right now and trying to get your jerseys added to the specialty jersey ban because they're jealous that their jerseys could never be as good. I never thought I would feel so passionate about jerseys.)

[krakenbait]

bragging rights bracket update #7: the wait is over

hello bracketeers!

i sincerely apologize for the delay, and the fact that i entirely skipped over the conference finals. the commissioner was slacking... but at least i still have a better reputation than gary bettman!

congrats to the florida panthers for resisting complete memeification and adding to connor mcdavid's continued sadness. sorry oilers fans, looks like you aren't breaking the canadian cup curse yet. enjoy cmd's consolation conn smythe?

but i've got an even bigger congratulations to a certain someone who literally defied all odds, not to mention six rounds of merciless teasing. the winner of this year's bragging rights bracket challenge is... drum roll please...

@circle--of--confusion!

you may relish in your bragging rights and hold your victory over the other competitors for the next calendar year.

rounding out our podium, we have ki in second, despite my attempts to curse them for picking the rangers to win, and @morganfrost in third, representing the devils server!

the final round of commentary for this year's brag-cket is under the cut. see y'all next year!

256 points

🥇 Rats! (aaaahwhoah) ( @circle--of--confusion) - i am genuinely baffled how you pulled this off. your western conference was trashed after the first round, and yet picking the florida men to win on a joke bracket paid serious dividends.

213 points

🥈 amelidek's bracket - this is the second year in a row that a member of the avs server has taken home second place. how about that!

182 points

🥉 win for quinn ( @morganfrost) - at least quinn got his norris trophy, and we got a smile out of him.

169 points

homer like the iliad (me) - i have regressed to the mean (i always seem to finish fourth or fifth)

166 points

been bragging ( @natashastarkk) - a valiant effort, but both the playoffs and the bracket got a new winner this year

163 points

brack that et ( @nastybastian)

so close, yet so far!

161 points

abeja's bracket - if only you had picked the other team in your finals match up...

135 points

cause chaos ( @andreisvechnikov) - *takes out a salt shaker* not only did the canes not "win now," now you've gotta watch the devils steal another one of your defensemen!

128 points

kindanerdy's bracket

i really hope you didn't get your hopes up too much.

118 points

hellybracket ( @arsonandhockey) - i think this is your best finish yet!

116 points

t-birds for the win ( @shea-theodore) - surprise surprise, they did not.

eldest daughter w ( @puck--off) - you lost the battle of the quinn hughes canucks brackets.

101 points

Le $$ Beans ( @stromesquad) - now there's still a chance for dylan to get a cup before connor!

96 points

Pizza Rats - that's what you get for being a rangers fan

please happen ( @builthebobder) - the lack of color on your final bracket is a little startling.

45 points

Do It For JEdwards ( @patron-saint-of-boston-hockey) - i don't even have to add another sword, trading ullmark to the senators is a wound in and of itself... and i am thoroughly throwing salt in it.

40 points

jt's kombucha tap ( @assistantcaptainmitchmarner) - you get a consolation prize for finishing dead last. enjoy your emoji plastic participation medal 🏅

[blusical]

it's not that arizona is a bad hockey market (it's not the greatest, but it's not exactly bad either). it's not that hockey doesn't work in the desert (the golden knights exist). it's not that the coyotes don't have fans (they do). it's not that the fans don't like the coyotes (their attendance sucks, that's for sure, but that's not the main reason they're relocating). it's not that the coyotes are just a bad nhl team (they are but that's not why they're relocating at all!) it's that alex meruelo is a terrible owner that should never set foot in the nhl again, and that this probably could've been prevented if gary bettman hadn't fuck things up and actually stepped in sooner and actually HELPED THEM. Also, this is more than just a relocation. These are people who might end up losing jobs, these are players and staff who are probably stressed right now. This doesn't affect a city or a team, it affects the people involved too. (And on a slightly harsher note, if you think this is something to celebrate or something to meme about, please go fuck yourself).

[wehaveagathering]

Ok I'm about to tinhat but I think I'm right, so bear with me

the NHL knew that these guys were gonna get charged, and they worked out a deal with the London Ontario police dept to release the information at this particular time. Right before the All star game? All of this in the news cycle and fanbase is gonna get absolutely eclipsed by the ASG and while people are still going to talk about it, more people are gonna be talking about the ASG. And we know that police depts are absolutely corrupt to their bones, you're telling me that they wouldn't take yummy NHL money to keep something like this quiet for a little while? as @samuelbennett so helpfully informed me, Hart and Dube were in the final years of their contract, with Foote and McLeod on one-year contracts. E.M. came forward in 2022. Did they wait for two years for justice so teams wouldn't lose money? A month before the trade deadline? Right before the All-Star Game? And all those fucking "illnesses" Hart had earlier in the season? the "bad fish?" is that what we're calling it?

no fucking chance. The cops knew in November – at least – if not earlier, if we're thinking way long-term, especially considering a trial might not happen until 2026 – & the NHL paid them to keep it quiet til now, when they knew that people's thought processes would get suddenly interrupted by the ASG, and no one would think too hard about it. The blatant attempt to redirect attention by announcing a potential Utah expansion team? No way. Also staged, to make them look less intelligent than they really were, so nobody would accuse them of exactly what I'm accusing them of right now. "The NHL is so stupid if they think they can redirect our attention with the expansion team news" no. the NHL is not just gary bettman in his ivory tower. The NHL has leagues of lawyers and PR reps and god only fucking knows who advising them. The NHL wants you to think they're stupid. The NHL knows that you're dropping, hard, and they are going to cushion your fall with the All-Star Weekend, and you're going to like it.

[yabagofmilfs]

it’s actually kind of hilarious how there have been games we absolutely should have lost that we’ve won against all odds and then we lose to teams on a 7 game losing streak (which i choose to believe is the team performing an act of kindness as they know what that’s like. our boys are simply too polite to let another team fail as spectacularly as we have been known to do)

Oh poor Montreal is so so tired after losing their seventh consecutive game last night and having their flight into pittsburgh delayed because it was snowing in March and also they had to call up some players from the local Montreal middle school because all their big boy players are broken? You couldn’t PAY US to win, actually. That is not our ministry. That is not what we’re about.

Also the penguins as a franchise is an Aquarius so according to the internet this kind of contrarian behavior was determined by the planets and is entirely out of our hands.

What is more outdated than thinking we need to “score” the most “goals” to win? Can we not stand on the strength of our character? On the sweaty curls of our captain? The bashful smile of our beautiful, enormous girlfriend? We cannot be constrained by the short sighted ideals of Gary Bettman and his “rules”.

[barclaygoodrow]

You know what would be funny? Having the NHL players go on strike. I mostly want it to happen as a means to getting Gary Bettman ousted out of office, but just having another strike in this long line of strikes will work too

I think that's what lockouts are which honestly would be funny as fuck if we had a lockout but I would also miss hockey very much

[lovesick-menagerie]

LADY LUCK 🍀 SERIES

PAIRING: Dylan Coghlan x OC, Jake Neighbours x OC (later Nolan Patrick x OC) 18+

***MINORS DNI***

SUMMARY: A mysterious woman going by the name of Lady Luck has the reputation of seducing certain NHL players. However a future messy love triangle will expose more secrets than she bargained for.

DISCLAIMER: Specific player timelines have been changed for story purposes. Also, this is overly exaggerated fiction. I’ve never met any of the named persons in this chapter.

WARNINGS: Some cursing, Mentioning of paid escorts by OC

A/N: I used my own picture above to represent L. 🫣

CHAPTER 2

The Golden Era Gala had been a hit in typical glorious Vegas fashion. My shows always were. Mingling afterwards between the various owners, sponsors, players and their wags (at least the ones who didn’t hate my guts for obvious reasons). Even getting surprised by celebrities who probably loved hockey more than their day job. (Jon Hamm)

More than half way through the night and I had already caught Cogs eyeing me three times. Hunger rippling throughout those icy blues even while talking with some blonde bunny at the bar. She being clearly interested, him clearly inflating his ego for the moment. It always amused me when he tried to make me jealous. The only man who could do that was currently on LTIR and hiding out in some cabin in the Canadian wilderness, supposedly “healing”.

A loud laugh behind me made me turn away from Dylan’s gaze.

“THERE SHE IS, the star of the night.”

Gary Bettman’s voice was unmistakable even in this crowded of a room. Like most of the NHL payroll (which oddly included myself now), the commissioner was tolerated.

“Enjoying yourself, Bettman?” I teased.

On either of his arms were two of my gorgeous girls. Also paid to tolerate him.

“You and Sin City spoil me, L!” He laughed again. I smiled at the fool as he made his way past me to the bar. Ben appeared by side, always there when I needed him to talk business. Still not sure how he does that.

“Make sure those girls get double tonight. Bettman is going to bore them to hell.” I said plainly.

“Already done.” Ben stated. He was looking over at Cogs who was still blatantly eye fucking me into oblivion.

“He’s on number three.” Ben added.

I took a deep sigh realizing how aggressive Dylan would become later. I was going to have plenty of marks tomorrow.

“Tell him it’s his last or no visit tonight. Give him his key, hopefully that will sober him up a bit. It’ll give him an hour. We will do the debrief in the elevator.” I said. Ben nodded and left to attend to the defenseman.

“L!” A deep male voice said next to me.

I turned to see Brayden Schenn smiling down at me with his lovely wife Kelsey next him beaming.

“Hello, newlyweds. I’m so happy you made it!” I said hugging both of them.

After a bit of small talk and catching up the Schenn’s, Brayden yelled over to group of younger players.

“NEIGHBS, over here.”

As the player he called walked over to us it was hard not to notice his eyes. There was a softness to him but something underneath his calm approachable demeanor made me blush. Though slightly shorter than Cogs, he was filling out his white dress shirt quite handsomely, accompanied with dark blue slacks. He smiled and I couldn’t help but smile back.

“L, this is Jake Neighbours. Our rookie left winger.” Schenn said. Jake extended his left hand.

“A lefty huh? Nice to meet you, Jake.” I said shaking his hand and lingering my finger as I pulled away. He smirked again.

“Nice to meet you too.” Jake said. Even his voice carried a distinguished weight for someone so young. It wasn’t until Ben came over to me that I realized I had been lost in Jake’s eyes during an awkward silence. I excused us and turned to Ben.

“One of the girls around Foley said he let slip a phone conversation with McPhee. Mr. Coghlan is in the mix for a trade. Also, he’s anxiously waiting for you by your door.” I sighed.

“Does he know?”

“He will be notified in the morning.”

“Hmmm, either way his contract with me will still stand. We will have to look into a compensation travel addendum to send to Bettman. Also, Ben, please give Mr. Neighbours an envelope. I’m intrigued with this one.”

He nodded, then pulled a gold and black envelope from inside his coat.

Turning back to the Schenn’s, I caught Jake staring at me, which made me blush again.

“My apologies, I have a previous engagement I must attend to. I do hope you enjoy the rest of your evening. Ben?” Ben then approached Jake with the envelope.

“Lady Luck smiles upon you, sir.” Ben said.

I was already heading through the crowd but I could feel the curious stare from Jake’s eyes on me as he watched me disappear from the room.

[anthonybialy]

Stanley Cup Jacked As Buffalo Fans Enjoy New Indignity

Everyone knows life sucks conceptually.  But then you endure uncommon torment in action to really learn.  Jack Eichel taught the lesson to demand whatever you want.  A reward for dodging adversity is exactly what Buffalo’s sports enthusiasts would expect as long as it involved fleeing.  Anticipation doesn’t mean watching that trophy hoisted by that team’s member any less wrenching.  There are levels to losing a draft lottery.

Vegas fans have waited so long.  Athletic kismet was finally propitious to all those Nevada natives who waited through an entire presidential election until their beloved club won the title in that sport with ice.  You don’t need to know what the lines mean: just cheer when your side’s number is bigger.

I still feel dreadful for Golden Knights zealots who endured a shaky season before this one where they didn’t make the playoffs.  Even their diehards felt tempted to write off the sagging hockey side and focus on preparing to for the A’s.  But a league that totally didn’t set up a particular expansion franchise for success rewarded fans who stuck with it through one underwhelming season.

A little special encouragement must be the reason Vegas backers skipped sport’s most noble tradition by not booing Gary Bettman.  The Sabres never give their ticket-holders the chance, what with extending the record for missing the playoffs like they’re the expansion team.  Being around since 1970 would seem to disqualify them from claiming such a probationary status.  The other NHL outfit with gold in its color scheme has 11 playoff series wins.  The Sabres have to go back to Derek Plante making Ron Tugnutt a tragic figure to tally as many.

Knowing that Eichel needed perfect circumstances to excel doesn’t change that his name’s going on the Stanley Cup.  The performance was Hasekesque.  Sports reflect character, like how one should stop being a toxic black hole upon getting ransom demands met.  Trying to excuse away his achievement by noting he needed to join an established act offers minimal comfort.  Expecting an innate brat to lead a team instead of just riding along was too much to ask of a generational talent.

A theoretical debate may distract from the latest agony.  Wondering whether Vegas would’ve won if they had kept Alex Tuch is the closest to assuagement we possess at this moment.  A Sabres playoff appearance would be their championship.  It seems impossible to them that one team is bound to win four rounds every year.

Yes, Eichel was a joyless diva who pouted his way out of a chance to be the hockey Josh Allen.  But the Sabres are at fault as well, which is like saying Pat LaFontaine and Alex Mogilny enjoyed a bit of chemistry.  This particular franchise makes couples getting paternity tests on Maury seem functional by comparison.  Slightly less soul-crushing chaos is quite the improvement.

Karma doesn’t care if you think it’s real.  Losing on purpose in order to exploit the draft system tempted fate in an unprecedented manner.  The Sabres are still trying to remember to stop losing.

Reviewing alleged context will surely make our plight seem less horrifying by comparison.  As a reminder, making the playoffs isn’t all that hard, rebuilds shouldn’t take nearly this long, improving from their own awful standard is unimpressive, talent remains underutilized, and a continued upward trajectory is far from certain.  The Sabres are Earth’s last outfit that deserves excuses.  

I’m sure everything will work out next season just like it has in every previous edition.  

Deprived fans craving hope convince themselves that there’s smooth skating ahead like Disco Stu projecting disco record sale trends will continue.  This team’s greatest accomplishment has been convincing some desperate supporters that the current state is undoubtedly promising and bound to improve.  Stockholm syndrome has been renamed Sabres syndrome.

The best-case scenario of Sam Reinhart winning didn’t come true.  Deciding which former players are the least objectionable is our tournament.  The Sabres could really use a freewheeling defenseman like Brandon Montour.

Note things could be worse, and existence takes it as a dare.  Ryan O’Reilly’s Conn Smythe win was supposed to be the nadir for cruelty.  But it turns out that particular hardware choice was nowhere near hitting the bottom.  Drill through the ice like we’re fishing.

We really needed a different kind of woe.  Las Vegas lifting a Cup before Buffalo offers a distraction from how Stefon Diggs has an optional take on what’s mandatory.  If everything regarding sports went wrong because of some diabolical plan by cosmic forces we can’t even comprehend, what would be different?

Buffalo sports fans don’t feel like reviewing how the universe is particularly amused by bedeviling us.  Leave that for your brain to detail on a night when you really need deep sleep before a busy day.  The habit of torturing ourselves over the worst moments is one of the more charming parts of being human.  Bills and Sabres devotees experience the same sensation, only on 5-hour Energy.

Cherish that Bandits trophy.  A lacrosse title will have to distract from hearing Jack’s name.  If you seek fairness, you’re on the wrong planet.  Why did you choose to exist on this one?  Buffalo remains the epicenter of anguish that would seem too melodramatic if scripted.  As a reminder, Rob Johnson has a Super Bowl ring.

[krakenbait]

bragging rights bracket update #6

good afternoon, bracketeers! the eastern conference had worked itself out last time i reported, while the west came to its final two this time. the golden knights took out the oilers, while the stars overcame the kraken in a game 7 that was very unfortunate for me personally. the conference finals lineup is probably fun if you’re a canes, panthers, knights, or stars fan, but is decidedly not fun for the majority of the brag-cket. there’s only one entry left standing, and 15 out of 19 participants have hit their points ceiling. most likely, i’ll get to award this year’s bragging rights before they hand out the stanley cup. gary bettman, eat your heart out. 

anyway, the scores.

116 points

Hughes line is it anyway? (@natashastarkk​) - highest points potential for a busted bracket, and third place last year. is this another podium event for nat?

96 points

hopelessly optimistic bruins fan (@patron-saint-of-boston-hockey​) - something something unfortunate bruins fans being very attracted to the numbers 6 and 9 (see: AJ’s points total last year)

91 points

more hairy men (abby) - go natural disaster teams?

84 points

Chaos mode (emily) - what are your thoughts on shiny gold helmets?

81 points

raise hell or whatever (@dawson-mercer​) - which taylor swift era would you say the devils are in?

you know :) (@nastybastian​) - how’s the weather in jersey? i bet it’s cold and grey

68 points

come on and raise up (@andreisvechnikov​) - i really hope teravainen isn’t rushing back too quickly

ready 2b dissapointed but not surprised (@morganfrost​) - how could the oilers do this to you?

the commissioner is not supposed to win (me) - so close to being nice! well, at least i’m in good company

66 points

Jack I will pay you to get a mullet (@puck--off​) - and now we wait for the offseason adventures

61 points

battle of the matty b’s (@shea-theodore​)

kraken why! you were my last hope!

58 points

The head, the heart, and the himbos (@circle--of--confusion​) - your western conference was briefly genius... well, aside from that jets pick.

56 points

Hold me like a grudge -  that’s no good for your health

GOOD vibrations (ki) - denver has officially shifted into basketball mode, i take it

55 points

big advocate for naps (@turbolainen​) - last one standing! *several red lasers appear pointed at you*

53 points

the bringer of chaos (brett) - your bracket standing is somehow worse than your music taste.

46 points

Djoker’s actual bracket - did you see the noora raty signing? it’s like the rivs are building their own finnish mafia

33 points

last season 69 points (@arsonandhockey​)

corwin, i think your brag-cket attempts are cursed.

13 points

if the bruins don’t win don’t talk to m (AJ) - if this was a real bracket pool, like with money, i’d be giving you yours back

[mitchbeck]

HOCKEY NEWS AND NOTES

By: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - The rampant rumors of the return of the Hartford Whalers following the defeat of the arena proposal in Tempe, Arizona has just one salient point, money exists in Connecticut, primarily in Greenwich, the home of high finance. After that, there is nothing to suggest that there is even the faintest hope that NHL hockey is returning to Hartford. Listen to our long-time source, who wishes to remain anonymous. "While I think the fans, and the media, get suckered into this every time it surfaces, the only reality is the hedge fund money in the Greenwich area. They have the sort of money it would take to bring hockey to Connecticut. Still, Gary Bettman, the NHL commissioner, has shown zero interest that he wants to vacate Arizona, no matter how obvious it may seem. "Once you get past that, there are too many other negatives. There's no regional TV network, no new building in sight, the Boston Bruins, and the player pool is diluted now, are four I can name off the top of my head, and there are more. It's a pipe dream and fantasy. The politicians are looking to get their 15 minutes of fame." Outgoing Hartford Mayor Luke Bronin and Governor Ned Lamont did themselves no favors by violating Bettman's primary rule of no public pronouncements. He dislikes owners-in-waiting, who are too loquacious. Former Quebec City Mayor Régis Labeaume (2007-2021) blew it by going public. They're still waiting to hear from the NHL. Relocation is a possibility, not a certainty, and given the owners and potential suitors who have tried to outwit the Commissioner are gone from the scene, i.e., original Coyotes owner Jerry Moyes and Jim Balisilie, the Blackberry founder who's bankrupt and gone. Yet Bettman is still here and in the NHL Hall of Fame. So if you're betting on this one, put all your chips on Bettman and no team in Hartford. PLAYER MOVEMENT Ex-Hartford Wolf Pack, Vitali Kravtsov, has left the Vancouver Canucks, where the New York Rangers sent the Russian after they traded him at the trade deadline for Will Lockwood. Kravtsov departed Vancouver and is headed back to Russia again after signing a deal with Traktor Chelyabinsk (Russia-KHL) for a third time. Jonathan Marchessault, the ex-Connecticut Whale, who the Rangers misevaluated the undrafted QMJHL free agent product they had signed. He scored 32 goals and led the team in his rookie pro year in Hart City. The thought was that he would only be an AHL player. Whoops? After scoring in a 6-0 series clincher Monday night, he is now heading to his second Stanley Cup final appearance and just completed his second conference final to play the Florida Panthers for the Stanley Cup. Marchessault is making $30 million with the Las Vegas Golden Knights. Vegas also has as a backup goalie Jonathan Quick (Hamden/AOF), and their coaches are ex-Whalers assistant John Stevens Sr. and goalie Sean Burke. CONNECTICUT CONNECTIONS Scouts are ex-Whalers Jim McKenzie (Pro Scout), Connor Jones (Amateur scout), the former Quinnipiac University/Sound Tiger, and ex-Whaler, Alex Godynyuk (European scout). The Florida Panthers have ex-Yale goalie, Alex Lyon, ex-Hartford Wolf Pack/Ranger Marc Staal, former Sound Tiger Carter Verhaeghe, and former Whaler coach Paul Maurice, ex-Pack Sylvain Lefebvre is the Panthers' assistant coach. Pro Scouts Sean Backman (Cos Cob/Yale/AOF) and P.J. Fenton. Ex-Pack Yevgeni Grachev was the first mercurial Russian in Hartford before Kravtsov. He had a short stay. He switches Russian KHL teams from HC Vladivostock to Amur Khabarovsk. In the IIHF World Championships, Canada won the gold medal. Ex-Pack Sammy Blais scored twice, including the first goal in a 5-2 win over a pesky German squad. In the semifinal, Blais scored a perfect top-shelf goal from the right wing that helped Canada to a 4-2 come-from-behind win over Latvia. The US bid to play Canada for the gold medal was derailed by Germany in a 4-3 overtime win in the other semifinal by Frederik Tiffels, ending captain Nick Bonino's (Unionville via Farmington/AOF) journey as they went home without a medal losing to tourney co-host Latvia 4-3 in the bronze medal game. EX WOLF PACK Ex-Pack Andres Ambühl, 39, and his Swiss teammates lost in the quarterfinals, and has played in a record 131 WC games for the Swiss. The Quebec Remparts opened the Memorial Cup in fine fashion with an impressive 8-3 win over host Kamloops Blazers, who the Pack's Dylan Garand played for last year. The Pack's Matt Rempe's former junior team, the Seattle Thunderbirds (WHL), took on future possible Wolf Pack teammate Brennan Othmann and the Peterborough Petes in their first games for each team and won 6-3. Othmann had one assist and was a minus-two. The Petes also feature Devils draft pick Chase Stillman, Kamloops came back in their next game, wiping out Peterborough 10-2. Then Monday, Quebec beat Kamloops 3-1. MORE EX-PACK Ex-Pack Ty Ronning and Stefan Matteau Jr., a Wolf Pack training camp invitee several years ago and son of the former Ranger, Stefan Sr., who was a Wolf Pack promotional guest earlier this year, were both released by ERC Ingolstadt (Germany-DEL). Ronning signed with Eisbären Berlin (Germany-DEL). Ex-Pack Jake Elmer leaves HK Nitra (Slovakia-SLEL) for Odense (Denmark-DHL). Cédric Lacroix, an ex-Sound Tiger, and late Wolf Pack training camp cut two years ago, who played this year at Grand Rapids (AHL), Toledo (ECHL), and Trois-Rivières (ECHL), signs with Vorarlberg (Austria-IceHL) next year. Cole Maier (Taft School) heads from Manitoba to Nuremberg (Germany-DEL) next year; Sampo Ranta, after one year and a minus-11, leaves the Colorado Eagles and heads to MODO (Sweden-SHL) as he joins the large AHL contingent to Sweden. Ben Tardif, who played with Hartford for 15 effective games mid-season before being sent to the Jacksonville Icemen after playing out West for the Colorado Eagles (AHL) and for their Double AA affiliate in Utah Grizzlies (ECHL), is heading to Europe and KooKoo (Finland-FEL). Tardif, Ranta, and Maier make 23 AHL'ers heading to Europe. PLAYERS MOVING AROUND The Islanders sign for next season Kyle MacLean to a one-year, two-way deal for $825,000K-NHL/$82,500K-AHL and Daylan Kuefler completing his junior career playing for Kamloops in the aforementioned Memorial Cup to a three-year ELC deal at $925K-NHL/$82,500K-AHL.Both players will likely be in Bridgeport in the fall. Roman Kinal, the former UCONN Captain, signs an extension with the AHL San Jose Barracuda. Alex Gagnon of Division III independent Albertus Magnus College (New Haven) becomes the 26th Division I or III player to head to Europe. He joins teammate Charlie Risk in going to Mont-Blance (France-FFHG Division-1). The Division I player conference pro signings breakdown is as follows; Hockey East-37, NCHC-36, CCHA-31, Big Ten-29, ECACHL-24, and AHA-20, NCAA Independent schools-13, and just one is transferring to the Canadian college school or university system. Division III is 31. Undergrads leaving school early are 37. In-school transfers, 47, and grad transfers, 38. Ex-CT Whale Kelsey Tessier retires from hockey as a champion after two years with the HC Rouen Dragons (France-FREL). The team won their 17th Magnus League title in the 100th year of French hockey. Sam Bitten, the younger brother of Will Bitten, will join his older brother in Springfield next year. He played with HC Plzeň (Pilsner)  this last season. He has played all of his pro career so far in Europe. CT HIGH SCHOOL HOCKEY NEWS The CT high school hockey landscape was changed dramatically with the announcement that two of the Big Four, West Haven and Hamden, have downgraded their programs to Division-2 after 75 years as Division I powerhouses. West Haven went co-op last year with Seymour, Oxford, and Shelton and finished 3-17 with their only D1 win of the three they had was against an out-of-state opponent, St. Domenic (Auburn, Maine). The Hamden High Green Dragons, another part of the long-time unique high school hockey clique along with West Haven, Notre Dame-West Haven, and Fairfield Prep, were the Montreal Canadiens of high school hockey in the late 1960s through the 1970s into the late 1980s. Much like West Haven, they have had dwindling numbers after a sub-par season of their own with its three wins-two over West Haven and the other against Sheehan of Wallingford, have had just six coaches in the program's history. The local involvement in hockey, trying out for their teams, has not been good, and both towns' youth programs have begun admitting kids from neighboring towns over the last several years to pump up the numbers. So Hamden could be next in line in a few years. West Haven AD Joe Morrell Jr., who was the head coach for 21 years of the Blue Devils (one of six coaches in the program's history) after being an assistant coach at cross-town rival ND-WH for six years was matter-of-fact regarding this momentous decision. "It was a tough decision to make, a very tough pill to swallow. Put a lot of time coaching and playing for this program, we were in agreement-to be able to compete we had go to Division II. Some day we will be back at Division I." The current WH coach is Steve Harris, who played four years at ND-WH and a PG year at Gunnery (Prep) School (now Frederick Gunn School) (Washington) before playing Division III at Johnson and Wales (Rhode Island) and is set to remain was all in with the tough decision. MORE HIGH SCHOOL NEWS A far cry from 30 years ago, when Connecticut held the Connecticut Classic at Ingalls Rink at Yale against Massachusetts schools. The West Haven Blue Devils won its last title in 1994, and then WH head coach Art DeLucia forecasted the program's decline when he saw the youth numbers then and stepped aside. He told this reporter then, 'We graduated the smartest championship team academically ever and likely the last WH school championship.' It led to the West Haven AD, the late Tom Hunt, with DeLucia's resignation letter in his back pocket trying to back door in, now out of high school hockey Steve McCarty, then the WH assistant coach, to become the head coach. Hunt ran afoul of the WH Board of Education, who requested an open process in the coach selection. That led to the three-year tenure of former New Haven Blades and Nighthawk player plus former NHL defenseman Gordie's Smith's tumultuous reign and conflicts with Hunt. Smith's brother is Billy Smith, the great Islanders goalie who won four Stanley Cups. Morrell followed Smith. A sad day indeed. HOME HARTFORD WOLF PACK Read the full article

[kazokuhouou]

I posted 3,715 times in 2022

That's 984 more posts than 2021!

22 posts created (1%)

3,693 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@theflirtmeister

@hcolleen

@little-magicpuff

@weaver-z

@catboygretzky

I tagged 57 of my posts in 2022

#cobra kai - 4 posts

#cobra kai spoilers - 4 posts

#colorado avalanche - 2 posts

#eurovision 2022 - 2 posts

#eurovision - 2 posts

#hashtag glorious - 2 posts

#jeopardy - 1 post

#and it's a crapshoot to get anything else there - 1 post

#octillery - 1 post

#houndoom - 1 post

Longest Tag: 98 characters

#russia created it so we're too busy saving ourselves and vladdie can do whatever the fuck he wants

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Honestly the Twitter debacle just makes me glad Elon Musk isn’t eligible to be president, cause he’d do the same shit as Donald Trump, just faster and in a push-up bra.

11 notes - Posted November 23, 2022

#4

20 notes - Posted November 19, 2022

#3

Why are they even bothering with Eurovision this year? If there’s anything the televoters love more than good music it’s spiting jackasses. Ukraine’s gonna win to spite Putin.

94 notes - Posted May 13, 2022

#2

deep breath Piano riff I see a little silhouetto of a man Landeskog, Landeskog, will you do the fandango AVALANCHE AND LIGHTNING, VERY VERY FRIGHTENING, ME! STEVEN STAMKOS (steven stamkos) STEVEN STAMKOS (steven stamkos) STEVEN STAMKOS FIGARO WES MACCAULEY-Y-Y-Y They're just some poor boys from a poor hockey team THEY'RE JUST SOME POOR BOYS FROM A POOR HOCKEY TEAM SPARE THEM THEIR LIVES FROM THIS DUMB HOCKEY LEAGUE! piano ditty Easy come, easy go, will you let me go THE. SIN. BIN. NO! We will not let you go (let me go!) THE. SIN. BIN. We will not let you go (let me go!) THE. SIN. BIN. We will not let you go (let me go!) Will not let you go (let me go!) Never let you go-o-o-o No no no no no no NO! Mama Mia, mama Mia, mama Mia let me go Gary Bettman has a devil put aside for meeeeee…for meeeeee…for MEEEEEEEEE epic guitar riff here So you think you can check me or high stick my eyyyyyyye So you think you can trip me or board me toniiiiiiiight Ohhhhhh baby, can't do this to me baby Just gotta win, just gotta win the faceoff. more epic guitaring Ooh yeah, ooh yeah. slightly more music One thing really matters, everyone can see, one thing really matters, one thing really matters….the CUP! winding down music Any way the puck goes

145 notes - Posted June 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It’s October so it’s time to remind you this exists

424 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[emotionalsupportdman]

me, watching and supporting the Canucks despite firmly believing that they should not be playing at all:

[kirillmarchenko]

what if i become a kraken hater just for the bit