#gang's lives and deaths; i don't think it matters too much‚ this is hardly an educational tool‚ it's provocative entertainment and at that

[meursaulty]

Another rant on why Azteca is so wack :/// :

It doesn't seem like there's much time between Azteca and Khrysalis, so what we do know is:

a) The Wizard gets hardly any break

b) They also get basically no (canon) support during said short break. (granted, KI would never give us a quest called Wizard Therapy or something like that. Defeat and collect 3 of your demons 😩 Wizard Therapy is definitely more for fanon lol)

c) Azteca is probably the most traumatizing thing that's happened to them, but this is out of like 87 also terrible things

Last Azteca Dialogue - All Ambrose tells them is to get ready to fight, again

First Khrysalis Dialogue - Key point: "It is long past time." True I guess, but a bit insensitive? "Are you done wallowing yet, Wizard??" Apparently no contact between AZ/KR as well

And we agree that living through Azteca definitely would mess someone up for a while???? So the Wizard is really out here raw dogging their grief and survivor's guilt with no word from the person that sent them there in the first place 😭 (I suppose Cyrus Drake also had a bit of a hand in it too? I should see what I can do to fill in the blanks between AZ/KR...)

I cannot imagine how isolating that must be (since hte wizard is literally in a class of their own compared to their peers), especially since in canon, the next time you get to assemble a little gang is halfway through Khrysalis, and even they don't stick around for long.

Honestly, this is even worse if you're like me and did all of the side quests there before finishing the world... all of those dinosaurs and birds you did those insanely tedious tasks for out of kindness/completionism are dead so it didn't even matter in the end... (and I guess side quests canonically count as delays that let Morganthe complete her world-ending spell... no rewards for kindness ig 🙄)

So, I guess some questions I'm thinking about are: When does what happened truly hit the wizard? How does this reaction change (if it does) as time goes by? (maybe more anger at ambrose at the beginning, but perhaps if shifts to guilt and regret later? Regret for failing in Azteca, or more broadly, being brought to the spiral 😳? Failing at their one job?) How does this impact their actions in later worlds/do they do anything to prevent Azteca 2.0? I HC being much more thorough, reluctant to do quickly thrown together plans, putting themself in danger to ensure the safety of others... didn't TW fall for Malistaire the Undying Decoy? And what's one wizard compared to a whole world anyway.... Lastly, how does responsibility (personal, as described above, and more public) play a role in this? We know from Zafaria and Polaris (or whenevr Mellori goes to Ravenwood) that the Ravenwood population absolutely loves TW, but how much do they know...? To what degree is TW a sort of public figure? #WizardGate....

Tbh this is extra juicy if you're a death main... malistaire, morganthe, and massive failure in azteca... if this game was more nuanced/not for literal children the wizard would definitely not be as widely adored 💀

Anyway all this poor wizard does is give and give 😭

(this *isolated* taylor swift lyric but like... unironically 🥴)

[carvion]

I wish we had more Zo and Alva interaction! Agriculture buddies!!!!

You and me both!

Especially since she joins so shortly before GEMINI after which the tone shifts (I mean I get that, because GEMINI is the abyss/death-rebirth part of the heroes journey and Alva is the helper that joins shortly before that point, and I could go into detail about how I personally think that Varl is not a helper in the second game like he was in the first but a mentor instead, and yes some people say the heroes journey is an overdone cliche but I disagree with that.... But that would lead only to me rambling for who knows how long, so let me get back to the ask!)

I think Zo and Alva get along very well! They are both incredible smart and Ava is probably a welcome variation from the men Zo lives with.

Of course there's also Beta, but at that point she is hardly coming out of her room and mainly talking to Varl. And Aloy has too much stuff to do to take a well deserved break.

Also, don't get me wrong, Kotallo and Erend (I'm gonna come to Varl later) are wonderful people and can be great company for Zo, but they are also, well, themselves and they can probably be a little hard to deal with, when tension is running high. I mean I love Erend, but he is loud and while I don't think he means to do it, he can be insensitive with his jokes and comments. And Kotallo (whom I also love very much) is still a brooding, slightly shut off man who has to worry about his people being under attack by those who used to be their brethren.

This of course leaves Varl and I do believe that Zo and Varl love each other very much, but Varl also took responsibility for Beta so he spends a lot of time with her. Also note I am not saying that Zo is unhappy in the Base, or that any of them are bad people for how they act or because of their priorities, they are simply human.... I think I'm losing track again.

So let's get to Alvas Side. When Alva comes to the base she has just learned that so much she believed to be true about the old ones, simply wasn't, she witnessed first hand, the death of someone her people saw as some sort of messiah (and while I don't think Alva liked Ceo particularly, the believe that he and their people were some sort of "chosen" was very much anchored in her culture so the "Thebes pill" couldn't have been easy to swallow.)

I think Alva could see a sort of refuge in Zo. Because she is a gentle person, who takes care of people (her being a gravesinger shows that she doesn't like to see people suffer) and I think Zo can relate at least a little bit to the feeling of having your faith/world shaken up, because she had to help kill on of her gods. (so could Varl but he is mainly concentrated on Beta by the time Ava joins)

Also, as I said somewhere above, they are both incredible smart women, who strive for knowledge and who, in my opinion, share a lot of interests, like agriculture for example. I could also see Alva take interest in the Utaru singing and what it means for them.

All in all I wish there had been more interactions between the Gaia Gang, but I fully understand why that is hard to achieve and I can't imagine what kind of work would have had to had been put into that.

I'm very happy about what we got and there's fanworks for the rest 😂

I went a little rambly there and I am writing this on my phone while at work so I apologize for all mistakes and if it's too incohesive. I will go over this with spellcheck once I'm home from work but I wanted to answer this because apparently I have more thoughts on the matter than I assumed.

I hope you are having a great day!

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 22)

Today we'll talk about the Time-Travel Arc. Obviously, the focus in that arc is Yuka's past, so there's going to be a lot of content that I'll skip unless it's relevant to NatsuMikan. What ship/character content there is I will dissect heavily. This is just a warning that I'll be skipping even five or so chapters at time, and it might seem jarring. Sorry about that.

In this part, we'll see how Natsume and Mikan are in many ways fated, but also how selfless Natsume can be, even in the face of losing the person he loves the most forever. He's going to keep his promise to protect her no matter what happens, even if it means never seeing her again.

Chapter One Hundred and Seven

For most of this arc, Natsume and the others are merely observers of Yuka’s past. They keep the talking and interaction to a minimum. There will be some instances where Natsume does enough for me to be able to analyze him, but they’re limited to start with.

For example, when Tsubasa, Tono, and Nobara are finally able to join them, there’s a dramatic reunion.

Nobody has seen Tsubasa in some time, and his whereabouts were a mystery. Obviously he shares a meaningful embrace with Mikan, but he also makes eye contact with Natsume, who looks shocked and relieved to see him again, even if he wasn’t the one to find him. Tsubasa knows Natsume had searched tirelessly for him, so he apologizes for making Natsume and the others worry. For a moment, it almost seems as though maybe they will share the next reunion hug. But to show that everything truly is back to normal, Natsume’s demeanor shifts and he gets annoyed with Tsubasa for hugging Mikan for so long.

Thinking really hard about Natsume's love languages: nicknames, being willing to die for you one second and then pretending like you're a nuisance the next, never giving compliments so they hit like a brick when he does, just hanging around you, and physical touch.

Natsume doesn’t know how to show feelings properly. With Ruka, he can be more openly affectionate and loving, and now with Mikan he has recently (today) had the opportunity to be more honest about his feelings, but Tsubasa is different. For a very long time, he has pretended like Tsubasa was nothing more than a nuisance. Suddenly being honest with everyone would be tiresome. Besides, Tsubasa already knows that Natsume cares, since he struggled so much to find him.

If you want to hug somebody, Natsume says (or doesn’t say… this conversation seems to all be telepathic), go hug Misaki. Not my girl. It hardly matters that Misaki isn’t around and that idea is impossible to make a reality. So Tsubasa naturally shoots back that he will simply pretend Mikan is Misaki.

Natsume is a good person, as we have seen over the course of the manga. When he loves someone, he loves hard and with his whole chest. He doesn’t half-ass his feelings. Despite his occasional bouts into saying something kind and heartfelt, he is and always has been naturally a bit more reserved. His personality is one to withhold a little, and to interact with people through teases. Even at his most free, before he came to the academy, he would tease and insult before saying something sweet. His love will always be something that needs to be interpreted, because he hates being open about why he’s doing the selfless things he is. If he is too open, then people will know and then they might feel guilty or like they owe him something. He doesn’t want that. Another thing is that he just likes having fun with his friends and loved ones this way, with occasional taunts and teases. That’s just the kind of person he is.

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

We get introduced to Igarashi Kaoru, an upperclassman of Yuka’s and a mysterious figure. Yuka first met her in a compromising position, when she’s about to sleep with a boy who we will later find out is Natsume’s father. She looks very much like a more grown up, female version of Natsume, and they seem to have a lot in common when it comes to their basic personality.

Just like Natsume, Kaoru can be serious-minded and doesn’t take any shit. She’s also like him in that she shows affection through teasing.

Mikan, in this chapter, finally asks who this Igarashi person is, since she looks so familiar. Natsume sarcastically says, “Heaven knows.” I’m sure he wasn’t actually expecting to see his mother in these flashbacks. She died when she was very young and as a result she didn’t have the opportunity to talk much about Yuka. It must be a surprise to see that she played such an active role in Mikan’s mother’s life.

Heaven knows. Get it. 'Cause she's dead. Hahahaha.

To everyone else, it’s obvious that the Igarashi person is related to Natsume. Ruka might even directly recognize her from the painting he saw at the Hyuuga house that one time, but either way they look and act so similarly that it’s apparent to everyone but Mikan.

In any case, Natsume is seeing more of his mother than he ever has before. He knows very little about her, since she died when he was so small. He couldn’t have many conversations with her and he spent more time mourning and missing her than actually being with her. Not only is Mikan getting the chance to know the mother that was a mystery to her for her whole life, but Natsume is too. This is also his chance to discover his mother and get to know her, and it’s just his luck that Yuka and Kaoru actually had a strong bond.

After Kaoru intimidates Yuka at the Hana Hime den, Mikan and the gang react to the shocking scene. Kaoru is a force to reckon with, and Noda comments on how this force and tough love helped Yuka find strength in herself and confidence in her own alice.

Ruka insists on knowing more about Kaoru, and since everyone but Mikan seems to get that Kaoru is Natsume’s mother, we can see that Ruka is asking for Natsume. Natsume won’t ask. This is about Yuka, after all, and about Mikan. Natsume will see what he will of his mother insofar as she’s in Yuka’s life. Beyond that, he won’t ask for anything. Ruka knows this, so he asks instead. He wants to know about Natsume too, and what better way than to learn about the woman who seems to have so much in common with him? Natsume is touched that Ruka would go out of his way to ask a question Natsume will not ask.

Noda answers that Kaoru and Yuka will become best friends after this, and Mikan is shocked. How could someone so scary be Yuka’s best friend? But Noda explains: Kaoru has a compassionate and caring heart behind her cold front, just like Natsume, and Yuka could rely on her, even in her darkest moments. Yuka wouldn’t have gained confidence in her alice the way she did without Kaoru by her side.

That is a really fucking long red string!

And then Noda says it so even Mikan can tell now, that Natsume’s mother has always been beloved and a truly amazing person.

Chapter One Hundred and Ten

Noda further explains about Kaoru. She used her alice to spy on the academy for the HSP, and then after she graduated she continued to use her alice to expose corruption. She was deeply committed to doing the right thing and holding the academy responsible, and this commitment was inspiring to Yuka as well, who went down the path she did for the same reasons.

Somehow, their children met at the academy by pure chance, and are standing side by side now.

Here they are, standing together and in love with each other. Fate is a silly thing.

They are fated somehow. The same red string that tied Kaoru to Yuka now ties Natsume to Mikan. In fact, it’s his love for her that motivated him to go against the academy, more than his own misfortune or the wellbeing of other students or even because it was the right thing to do. The strong bond between their mothers now lingers between them, but differently, and maybe even stronger.

Natsume and Mikan are holding hands, looking at each other. Were they always meant to meet? To be together? Nothing is said out loud, but it’s apparent that they’re both thinking about their moms’ past and what exactly it means for their future.

Perhaps there's a difference between fated to fall in love and fated to be together.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen

Lots of chapters are getting skipped because there simply isn’t enough content, if any, of Natsume, not to mention NatsuMikan specifically.

Izumi is about to die, and everyone knows it as they watch. Mikan has just returned from falling through the time window. She wanted to warn her father, but Tsubasa was able to bring her back without much changing. Natsume immediately goes to Mikan’s side when she is safely returned and doesn’t leave. He holds her hand because what she’s about to witness will be deeply traumatizing and he knows that she will suffer all the more because she wasn’t able to stop it.

Everything happens as it is meant to, perhaps. Izumi is dying from Rei’s alice, since his own nullification can’t fight against Rei when he uses so much power at once.

I don't have anything clever to say here. He just loves her so much.

Mikan is distraught, and although Natsume first just tries to keep her from approaching the window again, once he sees her crying, despairing face, he shifts. All he’s ever wanted to do was keep her happy, keep her from sinking into even a fraction of the darkness he’s had to live in. It hasn’t always been easy, because Mikan was also destined to suffer, just like him.

Everyone else is pleading with Noda to get them out of the hole, to stop the flashbacks, but Noda can’t. The window is too turbulent and any moves on his part might be dangerous.

Protecting her no matter what doesn't only mean protecting her from physical harm, it means protecting her from seeing horrible things that she shouldn't have to see, like the death of her father.

So Natsume holds Mikan close. It is the only thing he can do, to tell her not to look and to hug her. She doesn’t need to see anymore. Natsume doesn’t just want to protect her physical safety but her mental and emotional well-being as well. He fell in love with a girl who always looks on the bright side, who is so optimistic and kind that her cheerfulness bleeds into everyone else. From the start, he was concerned that if her life darkened, her own light would fade and become tarnished.

But Natsume doesn’t need her to always smile. He just wants to protect her the best he can. If she needs to cry, then she can cry on him. He will hold her and support her and comfort her. She can’t always be happy, but all he’s ever wanted was to be there for her when she can’t be. When she needs to crumble a little, he will be there for her, because she would do the same. She comforted him too, even if she never knew she was doing it. It's not about having her be happy all the time, just minimizing the trauma. He can't protect her from all of it. Everything else is more powerful than he is. He can't keep her ignorant and blissful forever. Nobody can. But if they can't escape the flashback, then he will keep her from looking.

He can do this openly now, so he does. He wants her to know that she can rely on him and seek comfort from him. No matter what happens, he will be there for her.

So as Izumi dies, Natsume and Mikan aren’t looking. She doesn’t need to see. He keeps his focus on her, to support her, because she has to process a deeply traumatic event in a very short time. After all, the flashbacks are still going. Time didn’t stop for Yuka, and it won’t stop for Mikan.

Natsume’s shirt is probably soaked with tears. Not that he cares.

He holds her, not just through Izumi’s death, but for most of the aftermath. He stays, holding her, for as long as she needs him to. He will only let go when she’s okay to stand again. He ends up holding her for a couple chapters, and even when they stop hugging he still holds her up. He'd hold her for hours if she needed it.

Conclusion

Natsume and Mikan learned that their mothers were besties and are now struck with the knowledge that by pure chance they managed to meet and become as close as they did. Natsume confessed to the whole DA class (including Mikan) that he loves her in the last part, and he's done nothing but prove it over and over again.

We'll wrap up what is left of NatsuMikan in the Time-Travel Arc next week on Monday. His low self-esteem, selflessness, and all-consuming love will all take center stage in the next few entries.

Thank you all so much for reading so far. I hope you have a lovely day!

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[jacobsknifeplay]

The Only Way Out

A/N: Ok first of all I was minding my own business. Listening to my mess of a playlist when this specific song started playing. I was overwhelmed with the urge to write this out and once again this is yet another 2 am story. So please...don't let my pain go in vain, I legit cried like a baby writing this.

Word Count: 1,948

Warnings: PAin, heartbreak, blood and death.

Summary: This is how I think Far Cry: New Dawn should've ended. Also as to why me the player, the captain, chose to spare our baldunder-the-bun father.

Tagging: @they-are-not-just-stories @imthejudge @whatsinsideofmybrain and @uncommonly-average I just.. really want to know your guys' thoughts on this.

Also @seedlingsinner by request. I guess I should ask people if they want to be tagged in future works huh?

------------

    Release. That was his choice of terminology. He wants to be released.

The Judge stared at him in disbelief. Joseph Seed, the man who was once so sure in himself, was now asking to be killed at the hands of the Captain. How selfish of him. Utterly selfish and drenched in self pity. The Judge couldn’t move, they couldn’t breathe, they couldn’t think. He wanted to leave them. Leave the very being he had once promise to protect down in that bunker. He said he’d guide them and show them the light.

    Ruelle stood before Joseph in discomfort. This crazy old man before her was asking to be put down. His sad, pleading, eyes stared at her so deeply. She could almost feel something close to confliction between her own emotions. However she made a promise to protect her people against the Highwaymen. The people of New Eden’s Gate took part in that the moment they agreed to help win the fight. She will protect as many people as she can, no matter the history under their belt, and she didn’t plan on dropping her duties now. She had no authority nor right to determine who dies or lives after the fight. A survivor will remain a survivor until the Earth decides to take back what is Hers. The Highwaymen have been defeated, the threat is gone, and the remaining members of the gang have been abandoned by their leader. Shepherdless sheep lost in the open.

“Joseph, I…I can’t do that.” Pleading in return she locked eyes with him as they stared at each others in a silent conversation.

“My soul has become a cancer. I am a monster. And I have only spread suffering and death in the name of God. My family is all ashes, Eden is dust and there is no redemption for this. No atonement. There is only the justice of God’s hand. End this vicious cycle. Give me God’s justice. Release me.”

    Those were his words. The Judge was still hearing them echo in their head. They just couldn’t believe their ears and each repetition was hitting harder than the last. They watched as Ruelle’s hand was forced to press the gun against his chest. Her body was tense and she hardly breathed in fear of making a wrong move. She did not wish to kill him. To her he was just an old man, crazy at times, but with faithful followers. A small community that was thriving hidden in the shadows. She saw the leader in him, she knew how much the people depended on him and surely the people who lived through the attack on their village will need him now more than ever. She wasn’t about to take that away from them. A shiver went up her spine.

“Release me.” He repeated with a stern voice.

“Joseph, I can’t do this to you.” Placing a hand on his, she attempted to push down, to lead the gun away from his heart. “Eden’s members are still out there. They could be looking for you at this very moment.”

“Release me.” His voice whispered.

“N-no, you need to live. Your people-” She stumbled back as a hand yanked her to the side, making his hold on her slip and let go of the gun.

The Judge stood tensely before him now, their shoulders rising and falling, breathing heavily with their fists clenched at their side. Their sheer aura made them seem twice as big compared to the defeated frail old man. Turning their head slightly towards the captain, it was a clear sign they were hesitating about their next step. However their decision was made and they turned back to Joseph. Ruelle watched wide-eyed as they watched their hand reach for the mask to remove it. The hood on the Judge’s head still covered the profile angle Ruelle would’ve been able to witness. Just knowing the mask was removed felt just as revealing to the captain and she didn’t know if she should move for a better view or turn away of out respect. In her indecisiveness she simply froze, continuing to stare, even forgetting to blink.

The Judge held their mask between the space of Joseph and them. Their gloved fingers brought it closer to him. Shaking it slowly at him they found their voice that had been lost for so many years.

“Does this mean nothing to you?” A deep raspy voice broke the silence. “Am I not your family?” Breaking throughout the sentence it was almost difficult to determine if the Judge’s voice was faltering from emotion or vocal damage. It sounded completely different from when Ruelle first heard it. It had been a soft tender whisper in the dark that had said encouraging words to her. Now it was such a foreign sound of rage and hurt.

Joseph looked at the Judge with an unfazed expression of sadness. He closed his eyes and bowed his head slowly, mimicking the motion of when he would connect foreheads with them, but this time it was in shame.

“I have yet to properly apologize for leaving you like that. I did not consider your emotions then, much like I did not consider my son’s.” The corner of his mouth quivered downward in his battle for composure. “I’m sorry, Elisha. I was lost then.” He admitted.

Elisha inhaled sharply at the mention of her name. One she had thought had been long lost and removed from her life. It only made her emotions go over the edge. Looking down at her mask she tightened her grip in anger. The mask made a sickening cracking noise, much like the shattering of her false reality, as Elisha, the Judge, now realized she had been lied to just like everyone else from Eden, just like Ethan. In one swift motion Elisha swung her arm up before violently bring it down, smashing the mask on the ground. The momentum of her movements made her pace to the side giving Ruelle a clear view to her scarred face. Her stress furrowed brows hooded her hazel eyes that reflected the fire of the burning tree and her features sharpened by the shadows only complimented her on her age. The pure wrath in her eyes made Ruelle shudder as she watched her pace back and forth like a caged animal.

“Wrath was always one of your biggest sins.” Joseph smiled softly at the nostalgia those words brought him. “After all this time it has always been there. Hidden deep within your soul.” Elisha slowed down to a stop as she glared at him. Joseph turned to Ruelle “My brother, John, stood no chance to enter Eden’s Gate the way I had told him too.” His eyes glossed over in tears as his voice broke at the mention of the name.

Elisha’s emotions intensified at the mention of John’s name. Her brows softened slightly as the anger was overshadowed by the intense irrational guilt that swarmed over her once again. She was the only one responsible for his death. He was younger than she is now when she ended his life. There was so much more for him to experience and she took it from him. Fists full of hair pulled at Elisha’s head as she began to experience early signs of a panic attack. Her mind racing, her focus on the present faltering and her emotions irrationally amplified. Joseph’s shoulders slumped in defeat.

“This is what I cause, this is the impact I leave in everything I touch.” He extended his hand towards Elisha. “I ruined a perfectly strong, sane, and healthy, deputy.” Pointing at Ruelle he began to move closer to her. “She once stood in your shoes. She once tried to protect everyone around her.”

Taking a step back Ruelle hid the gun from Joseph’s grasp. She wanted to aid the Judge who was in clear need of help, but she couldn’t turn her back on Joseph. He reached out for her hand again but didn’t bother to go for the one with gun. With both of his hands he grabbed her empty one and lifted it up to his chest once more.

“You must, release me.” He begged. “Release me before I foolishly repeat the same mistake.” Tears began to stream down his sunken cheeks as he fell down to his knees. “Release me!”

“No!” Elisha cried out as she finally found the strength to speak again. “Don’t do it Ruelle.” Making her way to them she stood between the both of them.  “You don’t need his blood on your hands.” Their eyes met for the first time and the intense determination in Elisha’s eyes made Ruelle back away in intimidation. Reaching down Elisha replaced Ruelle’s hands with hers as she kneeled down to Joseph’s level. “Allow me to do it.” She told him more as a statement than a question. “As your friend, and your Judge, let me fulfill my role, to the very end.” She croaked the last part as her composure began to slip.

Joseph’s eyes closed shut as he bowed and sobbed into her hands. Her determination to serve him and her loyalty to him was becoming all too much. He could see the resemblance of Faith and Jacob in her much like he saw John in her as well. She reminded him too much of his family, if only she knew he encouraged her choice to use a mask for such a selfish reason. A meaningless attempt to hide his mistakes. Releasing her hands from his grasp Elisha removed her gloves and cupped his face. He leaned into the touch absent mindedly as she cleaned his tears, that repeatedly flowed down, with her thumbs.

“You don’t deserve this. This release.” Her words were soft, almost like that of a whisper. Bringing their heads together she couldn’t contain the sob that escaped her. “You deserve to live. To grow older still and see Hope County rebuild itself.” Tears of her own began to drip on the dirt beneath them. “You deserve the pain.” The dark words left her lips like flakes of snow. Beautifully slowly and bitterly cold like a demon’s kiss. There was a small pause, enough for Joseph to look up at her in question, before she continued. “But, I’ve grown to love you, Joseph. I love you dearly and only wished to see you happy.” She smiled sadly at him. “I’m sorry for not being able to fulfill the void in your heart. I’m sorry for creating it in the first place.” Laughing softly in a forced manner she basked in his features, one last time, before she shoved her knife into his neck, penetrating the artery.

Joseph’s face sterned up in shock but was quick to soften as he fell into the embrace of her arms. A whimper flowed from Elisha’s chest as she soothed his strands of hair behind his ear. He looked at her with his dying eyes, his cheeks showered by her vicious flow of tears, the warmth of his old and defeated body leaving him quickly. At his labored staggering breaths he glanced at the sky.

“Joseph?” She called, almost too afraid that he had left already. Reluctantly he looked at her as he gasped for air. “T-tell Jacob I’ll come home.” She croaked.

Not a moment later Joseph released his last breath of air in a satisfied sigh. Gasping softly she bit her bottom lip, even breaking skin and tasting blood, to hold back a scream. Hugging him tighter she silently sobbed into the nook of his neck while rocking back and forth. Completely losing sense of time she remained there for hours.

[hamilton-one-shots]

Since you wanna write some agenst then how about jamilams where they get into a fight and john runs off mad and gets ganged up and all that. If you don't wanna do the first part then just do the first part. Please and thank you

Alexander sighed as he watched John work on their car, stuck on toolbox duty - giving John whatever tool he asked for, then handing him the correct one once John explained what the hell he was talking about. Just because Alexander had been the one who “caused damage” by “ignoring the warning lights.”

“Okay, hand me the torque wrench.”

Alexander looked through the box and gave John the one that looked like a torque wrench. 

“Alexander, these are pliers. The torque wrench has the long handle with the spinny circle at the end.”

“Oh.” Alexander handed him the torque wrench, accidentally knocking a pouch out of the toolkit. “Oops, sorry,” he muttered as he went to pick it up, stopping as John beat him to it.

“It’s fine,” John said a little too quickly before stuffing the bag into his pocket.

Alexander furrowed his eyebrows. “John?..”

“Yeah?” he responded, diving back into his work.

“John, what is that?”

“Nothing,” he snapped, making Alexander far more than suspicious. After all, John had been spending a lot of late nights at work. Anyone would be at least a little suspicious.

As soon as John stood straight up, Alexander dove for John’s pockets and stole the bag before running inside as fast as his legs could take him. “Thomas!” he yelled, knowing that he couldn’t outrun John.

As expected, it only lasted a few seconds, John tackling Alexander and snatching the bag back as Thomas appeared around the corner.

“What’s going on?” Thomas demanded, helping John and Alexander up from the floor.

“I found something in his toolbox and John’s hiding it from me. I thought it had something to do with all of those late nights at work,” Alexander explained softly.

“Well, it’s not,” John snapped. “I hid it for a reason, it’s my business..”

Thomas frowned. “What could you be hiding that justifies tackling Alexander to the ground like that?”

“We promised there would be no lying and that includes no secrets this big!” Alexander added.

John shook his head. “I’m an adult. If I don’t want you guys to know, it’s for a reason and you should be able to trust me on that.”

Alexander scoffed. “How could we trust you when you’ve been acting so suspicious? It’s like we never see you anymore and when we do, you’re almost always so exhausted.. And the few times you’re not, you never let us touch you.”

“Yeah, there’s no way we’re letting you pin this on us,” Thomas scolded. “Is there someone else? Because if there is, I know damn well I’d rather you tell me upfront than go behind our backs and I know Alexander feels the same.”

John’s eyes widened in shock. “You think I’m cheating on you guys?!” He couldn’t believe it, but the looks on their faces said it was true. They didn’t trust him. John gritted his teeth. “Fine. You guys want an explanation?” He pulled two rings out of the bag and slammed them onto the counter before pushing past them.

“Oh. And about me not letting you guys touch me,” he began before raising his shirt, showing the damage to his ribs that came with wearing a binder for as long as he had been while at work. “Next time, confront me about this before fucking jumping to conclusions,” he snapped before walking out of the front door and running down the street.

Thomas followed John to the door, but realized it was no use. John was already… gone.

Alexander stayed back and looked at the rings, both dented from the impact. Engagement rings… For a marriage they knew they’d never get. Not so long as there were three of them.. “He’s right.. We should’ve talked to him first..” Alexander murmured.

“Well, it’s too late now..” Thomas sighed. “We just.. Have to wait for him to come home..”

Alexander nodded slowly. John may have had a temper, but he cooled down almost as fast as he heated up. Neither of them doubted that he would be back by nightfall.

But… he wasn’t.

John actually managed to make it all the way to the city by nightfall. He’d cooled down a long time ago, but… He felt awful.. He’d made a fool out of himself because of a stupid tantrum and ruined what was supposed to be a romantic moment. He wasn’t sure he could ever recover from this amount of shame..

John was pulled out of his thoughts by someone yanking him into an alley.

The man who did so was shaking and twitching, hardly able to focus his eyes, from what John saw. “Give me your m-money,” he stuttered out, holding a gun with shaky hands. “All of-f it.”

John was quick to do just that, handing over everything in his wallet. “Here, just.. Just take it and let me go..” John asked shakily. “Please, I have a family..”

The stranger counted the money and pocketed it before looking back up at John. “You s-saw my face.. N-Not a chance.”

John cried out as he heard the gunshot ring out, the adrenaline rushing through his veins stopping him from feeling the impact. He sure as hell felt its consequences. Every second made it harder to breath until John collapsed to the ground, gasping for air. He wanted to look around, to call for help, but his body refused to let him so much as budge. John knew he was dying. And he was definitely scared, but… He wasn’t as scared as he expected to be, as scared as anyone expected themselves to be when they died.

Instead, John felt a wave of calmness wash over him. Deep down, he knew that he’d die no matter what he did. The size of the pool of blood around him was definitely too big to be fixed at this point.

But that wasn’t the only thing on his mind. There was still Alexander and Thomas..

Alexander and Thomas. If John thought his fight with them felt silly before, now it felt downright idiotic. He wasn’t going to see them ever again. Their last shared memory was going to be a fight and that hurt. John was definitely hurt by that. But maybe it wasn’t all bad.

After all, they have the rings. They knew what he wanted. Now, it was up to them to finish their journey without him.

And, as John shut his eyes, he was able to picture what it’d be like. A blowout wedding, like John and Thomas dreamed about, Alexander being partial to something a little more simple. Both of them in tuxedos, hands joined as they began the stage that a third partner would make impossible. They’d be happy. Of course, John knew it’d be hard for them to get past his death. He was no fool.

But, when they did, their lives would be happier. Happier than they could’ve ever been, just because three lovers were down to the acceptable two.