#funny thoughta

[trollancestormisadventures]

Its so interesting trolls dont know the changing of seasons that Earth does.

(Completely based on Vriska not knowing what snow was)

I just saw a fanart of the group walking through trees in the fall and can only imagine Karkat turning to Dave and going "why are the leaves changing color and falling off?" And dave going "so we can gather them all up into a pile jump into it and see where they fly off to." And karkat having the most dumbfounded of faces.

[taxlthomas]

womp womp

[xxplastic-cubexx]

After reading your tags I kinda wanna see your to 5 list of favorite X-men…(I can hazard a guess as the top two??)

Ok so to be nice ill exclude The Obvious Two and list two extra non-charles/erik charas :] but ya in Alphabetical Order

Beast

Cyclops

Rogue

Morph

Wolfsbane

[batskye27]

What if Crowley got his little tattoo to impress Aziraphale?

Like he went to the tattoo shop to get it because he thought it would be cool and he thought that Aziraphale would be impressed but when he actually got is he was really scared of the needle and was acting like it did not hurt but he actually wanted to cry because of the pain and told himself to never do that again.

I think that would be really funny :]

[ilikeyoshi]

anyway if u can at all afford it i highkey recommend quitting/announcing ur two weeks notice on the spot of ur boss being rude to u. bc it is SO funny to watch them blanch like "wait you cant just leave" oh cant i?? i thought i was doing a bad job?? NOW you want to treat me like a human being?? shouldve thoughta that before you acted like i was a punching bag, dipshit

[gunterdon]

I feel like adults shoyldnt havw to be professional but my pea brain is saying

✨️be fancy✨️

So my thoughta like turning "hehe tomato" into

"Ah yes, a humorous fruit."

Which makes it even more funny

Thwres no point to this ask i juat like being stuoid on main 👍

Nah, you do actually have a point there, brother-

[chainedtothedarkness]

its funny , years ago she was all suicide prevention stuff because of me, becuasse she thoughta bout me, but now i want to kill mysel because of her. its so funny

she sounded so defensive and angry at me so i think im just going to kill myself

[tenshindon]

Oh no the clip was that he’s a ladies man it’s supposed to be like “these get women into bed.” 😏🏳️‍🌈 sure they do.

intent identified, execution eeeehehhhhh

[vilesssserpent]

"Ugh, with all this 'wokeness' in schools, I'm concerned that public schools will teach my child to hate themselves for arbitrary reasons they have no control over. Oh I know, I'll send them to Catholic school! That will surely solve this problem!"

[wooteena]

God when you talk and give your ACTUAL thoughta on matters it makes me so happy, bc yeah your incredibly funny and shit BUT your view point is NEAT and needa to be appreciated more!!! I get so happy when you say what's on your mind lile you don't even KNOW -Yy

this is such a good compliment like???? 🥺 but hahhwhajdkf yeah im terrible at bein impartial :) idk what specifically ur referin to but !!!! ah

[storyunrelated]

Fictober 2019 - #18 “Secrets? I love secrets.”

Prompt number: #18 “Secrets? I love secrets.”

Original fiction: Ad altiora tendo

Rating: T

Warnings/Tags: A lot of swearing because I thought it was funny. Also beer gets mentioned. Do people care about that? I really can’t keep up with this.

Sandwiches, monsters, secrets.

—

“Sandwich, fuckin’ sandwich, sandwich…” Alice sung to herself, having made a sandwich and being - rightly - very proud of herself for doing so. The thing was a beast.

Benefit of being an adult was being able to eat whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. You’d paid for the fucking stuff, you could fucking well eat it. You might regret it later, sure, but that was part of being an adult too - endless regret.

And guilt. And shame. And fear. Lots of things like that, really.

But also sandwiches and sometimes even cake, so it wasn’t all bad, was it?

Loading her fearsome sandwich onto a plate (specifically picking a smaller plate to make the thing look bigger) Alice also snatched a beer because fuck it. Might have been four in the morning but who cared? Who was present to judge her? Who would dare judge Alice?

No-one, that was who. Because there was no-one there.

Well, that was what Alice liked to think at anyrate, though the insistent, light tapping sound at the kitchen window might have disagreed. Pausing on her way out the door, Alice frowned.

The window was, unsurprisingly not offering a great view at four in the morning. It was just a mysterious black square. So mysterious. And still came the tapping.

Alice wasn’t standing for this shit.

Setting her plate down with a clatter that she hoped conveyed her annoyance she stomped to the back door, wrangled the lock for a moment and then flung it open. She kept hold of the beer. Anything in the dark was better confronted with beer, she felt.

“Yo, what? Trying to eat a fucking sandwich here, haven’t got time for this shit,” she said into the darkness.

Night time (well, super-early morning) again demonstrated that unusual, sound-muffling quality it always seemed to have. Something about the darkness, maybe? Or the sounds simply flying up into a starry sky hungry for noise?

Who could say?

There was nothing, at least initially. Just quiet. Very distant traffic noise but then there was always very distant traffic noise, so that was barely notable.

Once, Alice had gone on holiday somewhere far, far away from civilization, such as it was. The reasons for her having done this were fuzzy to her now, but the one abiding memory she had of the trip was that the silence had been utterly maddening. Never again.

This quiet was better, though infuriating. Whatever had been doing the tapping seemed to have stopped.

Then, a very quiet giggle, from the darkness.

“Want to know a secret?” Came a voice from somewhere out in the garden, difficult to pinpoint

Alice hadn’t expected this. She raised her eyebrows and her drink, both, taking a swig as she considered this development.

“Secrets? I love secrets. Hit me up,” she said after a few seconds, her mind made up.

Why not make the most of it, Alice felt. After all, when else would mysterious nocturnal voices offer secrets? She might never get this opportunity again.

Another stretch of quiet.

“Uh...normally it doesn’t go like this,” said the voice. Alice frowned, swigging again. The beer wasn’t good, but it was cold enough and it was early enough and Alice was rundown enough that she didn’t care.

“How do you mean?” She asked.

“Well, normally, I kind of just tap on the window or make some other noise and people come to investigate and I say the thing about the secrets or sometimes even just the giggle and people get freaked out and run off. That’s kind of my deal.”

“Right,” said Alice, who failed to see how any of this was her problem. After all, she’d been happy with a sandwich, she hadn’t had to come out here.

“So if you’ll excuse me I’ll just be going off to go and try find someone easier to rattle,” said  the voice and there came from the garden a rustle as whatever it was turned to leave. This gave away its position to Alice, who, now grumpy, stomped out, beer in hand.

“Oh no. No no no. I was promised secrets, you get back here,” she growled, reaching out and grabbing for whatever she might find. What she found was something slimy but she was annoyed so she gripped it anyway.

“Hey!” Protested the nightbeast, struggling but nowhere near enough.

“Go around causing fucking ruckus, what did you think was going to happen…” Alice muttered, hauling the thing back towards the house.

“This isn’t how this is meant to work!” The nightbeast said, twisting wildly but getting nowhere.

“Don’t care. Imma duct tape you to a chair while I eat my sandwich, then you’re gonna tell me secrets,” Alice said. She wasn’t kidding. This was one of the reasons why she even had duct tape.

“I don’t know any secrets!”

Alice was unmoved. It wasn’t even about secrets anymore, it was about the principle of the thing.

“Shoulda fuckin’ thoughta that before you went around tappin’ on windows, shithead. Reap the whirlwind.”

-

“Um, Alice?”

Alice grumbled and squinted. From the feel of things she’d gone to sleep on the sofa again. The brightness of the room was most unwelcome, but she was pretty sure she hadn’t imagined that voice just then.

“What?” She asked, shifting in place and having the plate that had been resting on her belly slide off and fall to the rug. “Oh shit.”

On the plus side it didn’t break. That was something.

Brushing crumbs from herself and blinking Alice looked up to find her housemate Farah standing in the doorway, looking tentative. Never a good sign.

“S’what’s up? I keep you up or somethin’? Sorry,” Alice mumbled, rubbing her face. Mild headache, she’d had worse.

“Uh, no, not that. It’s just…” Farah wasn’t sure how best to sum up what the problem was. Alice gave her time to do so. Eventually, Farah just decided to go out with it: “There’s something taped to a chair in the kitchen.”

Alice blinked. Her brain chugged. Then she smiled. It all came back to her.

“Oh,” she said. “Oh yeah. That. Heh. Heh heh heh...yeah…”

Farah didn’t get the joke. Alice sat up on the sofa and stretched, groaning as the headache made itself a little more prominent and her feet knocked over a handful of empty, crumpled cans. Maybe she should have stopped at just one beer? 

Ah, she was an adult. She could do what she fucking liked.

“I’ll deal with it,” she said.

[troubledinkbeing]

Gametime Hunter and Alex oneshot “Revenge is sweet and best served fresh.”

Hunter remembered she was searching for fragments of her past, but after that, everything’s black. She slowly woke up in a dark room, tied to a support beam, wrists behind the beam. Hunter tried escaping her bonds, but she only winced as the rope burn started to settle in. “Ow!” Hunter winced. “Yer awake. Good~!” Alex chuckled, coming out of the shadows. “Ali! Alex, it’s me! Hunty!!! L-Lemme outta here, quick!!! Before they come back!!!” Hunter panicked. Alex started laughing. “Al-Ali, what’s so funny....?” Hunter asked, voice breaking. “I’M the one who putcha there~!!!” Alex cackled. “Wh-What?!?!?” Hunter gasped. “I put ya there so you can know what I went through all those years of being locked away. Except ya won’t be locked up in here unscathed, I’m gonna make ya bleed out. And don’t think for one second that you’ll be able to pass out, oh no, you’ll be kept awake, because while you were out, I connected you back with the collective consciousness of the lost ones and searchers~!!! They’ll keep you awake~!!! You won’t die. But you’ll wish you could.” Alex grinned. “Alex, please lemme go......!” Hunter begged. “Nah~!! Ya don’t get off the hook that easy~!!” Alex grinned, grabbing an axe that was situated next to Hunter. “Now then~! Hold sti-ill~!!” Alex sang, about to swing. “Alex please-“ Hunter started. Alex landed a hit on Hunter and she SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER. This process repeated over ten times before stopping, leaving Hunter a sobbing mess on the floor. Alex leaned on the blunt end of the axe, grinning widely. “I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry ......” Hunter sobbed. Alex grabbed the axe and lifted Hunter’s chin with the edge of the blunt side of the head of the axe. “Ya shoulda thoughta that before ya locked me in a room for ten or so years.” Alex said coldly. Hunter sobbed. “Well, I’ve done enough damage for ya to not try anything, but not enough to kill ya, so I’ll be leaving.” Alex said, grabbing the axe. “Alex, please-“ Hunter started. Alex flipped Hunter off. “ALEX PLEASE!!!!!” Hunter whined. Alex flashed one final grin before closing the shutter door. “ALEX-ALEX PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! ALI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALEX I’M SORRY!!!!!!!!! ALEX!!!!!!!” Hunter sobbed and yelled heavily. All that was heard on that floor was pained screaming and tearful begging.

[julla]

I follow you because you truly appreciate the blessing that is Jiyong. I'm a new follower and with BB's upcoming hiatus blogs like yours are going to keep me warm in this harsh winter :(

5 years if winter wow, we all need some warmth

[we-loves-them-robots]

A Passenger

had a trippy ass dream about MTMTE Cyclonus being stuck in my head. So I'm gonna write a one-shot. It was the distinct sense of other that set his processer on edge and awoke him from recharge. His thoughts were dulled, sluggish and he was about to snap at Ratchet for administrating unwanted sedatives yet again when he paused, nearly short circuiting in shock. His body was not his own. Rather he was smaller, smaller then Minimus Ambus in his irreducible form and undisputedly human. The thought sent a lurch of fear in his spark, which translated to a tightness and pain in his chestplates. Humans were far from weak, as a species they had gone far, but compared to Cybertronians they were made of spun sugar, delicate and fragile. It was then- and only then- that he noticed the now- waking consciousness next to him, inside his very processor.  And they noticed him. They froze, sluggish thoughts slamming full stop as Cyclonus' own had done mere moments before, before fear flooded their shared body, quickening their breath and increasing the tightness of their chestplates. Cyclonus was, admittedly, alarmed. A panicked Cybertronian could not themselves into stasis by forcefully closing off their vents and overheating, who knew what would happen to a human. To them. :You must calm down. Now.: They were only more frightened and he sighed, thinking back. He had never taken a Conjux, nor bonded, so he was unsure how to calm his neighbor. What a strange thought, a neighbor in his processor. Unexpectedly, they latched onto that thought, amused and slightly hysterical giggles drifting over to him, oddly echoed. :What's so amusing?: They- she, he was corrected quickly- only giggled harder, their body shaking and doubled over as tears streamed down their face. He feared she was having a mental breakdown. Although, judging by the hysterical edge to her thoughts and how they kept chasing each other in shocked circles, that was less of a fear and more of a reality. He supposed it was better than being terrified. :Oh no, I am.: She assured, amusement and complete honesty rippling across to him. :I'm just in too much shock to express it properly.:  Although, perhaps it was impossible to lie to someone when you shared a mind. Thinking quickly, he- the only word for it, crude and ill-fitting as it was- stretched his mind, pressing it closer to hers and allowed waves of reassurance and calm to flow across. :Who are you? Why are you here?: Their body was limp, exhausted and tired. All energy was drained, spent and empty. Tears had dried on thier face, and at her insistance, they rolled out of bed. Cyclonus allowed her to guide their movements, comtemplating his answer. Complete honesty was the best path, allowing her into his processor as well. :Cyclonus of Tetrahex. And as for why I ak here... I do not know. I awoke in your body, a passenger.:  They hummed, the sound too high and originating from the young female. : : Well... I guess I oughtta give you my name also.:  :That would be preferred.: The Sahara was not as dry as his tone. :Haha, you're so funny. My name is Harleigh.: Despite the sarcasm, genuine amusement was evident. Which made it all the more evident when she sombered, an oddly contemplative tone wrapping around her thoughts. :You said that you wore up here. That you're a passenger. What does that mean for me?: He paused, thinking as she reached up and began to pull their hair back out of their face. He heard,no he felt, her unspoken fear, a writhing anxiety that threatened to send them back into the panicked state from earlier. She feared the loss of control, the possibility she may become a prisoner in her own body. His fears were similar, in a way. :I despise the thought of merely being an observer. But, I will not compromise my morals. Unless the situation calls for it, I will not attempt to sieze control.: A relieved smile lit up their face, before falling into a confused frown. Oddly enough, her expressions showed through the most. :What sort of situation would that be?: His answer was sure, no hesitation or deliberation to speak of. :Any in which we are in danger of offlining.: :Offlining?: :Dying. This body is fragile, far more so then my own.: That was, in summary, the basis of his fear. That while he was here, while he was trapped in a fragile vessel alongside the human youth, he would be caught offguard and killed. He was vulnerable, and in constant danger. :Okay. But you have to explain the fragile bit.: He paused, unsure. How could he explain who he was- what he was- to a human who had never encountered a Cybertronian? Who had never even heard of them? It was an experience, a state of being, far different then the one he was experiencing now. Finally, he made a decision. If words could not explain it, sensation would. He pushed it to her, the very essence of being. The feel of armour pressed against protoform, the brush of a familiar EM field. The sensation of venting, of fans whirling and heat being ushered away from his body. The bright blue visor of a white minibot, the burning in his spark everytime he laid eyes on Tailgate. The knowledge that he was older then her nation, then her planet, and that he would likely continue to live after her Sun has burnt out and died. She reeled, shock in her thoughta and on her face. Unable to form a coherent thought in the face of such foreign ideas and concepts, she numbly picked up her brush, tugging knots out her hair methodically. Then all the sudden, sensation was pushed back. Wind whipping hair out of her face, gliding through water as she swam. The silky smooth rustle of fabric of an expensive dress, the beading of sweat on her lip in response to heat. The enticing aroma of beef stew, the gnawing in her stomach. The very essence of her existance. For a while, all was quiet. Both in her head and in her home, her sister and parents had yet to wake. Both he and her were wrappimg their heads around foreign concepts, around new ideas. They went through the routines of the morning robotically, muscle memory more responsible then either of them. Pouring a bowl of cereal, and nearly spilling the milk, they ate and dressed. Avoiding too-bright colors that abounded in their wardrobe, they selected a dark blue t-shirt, jeans and a black leather jacket. They supposed- both he and her- this was going to take some getting used to. :thought speak: "Normal speech."

For some reason, the formatting is fucked on mobile. Ugh

[exheretic]

u ever see someone w/ a really funny or well thought out URL and u just go “damn... i shoulda fuckin thoughta that”