#funny in a horrifying kind of way bc oh my god

[just-a-cup-of-anxietea]

“They’re eating the dogs in Springfield!!”

“There are no credible reports of that”

“I’ve seen people on television saying it”

[fandxmslxt69]

Terrible Liar

Avenger!Loki x Avenger!f!reader

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of injury (reader has a nasty ass wound), mentions of blood and medical supplies, Loki and reader are both assholes to each other but its FUNNY. Rushed plot bc this came to me in a fever dream. Maybe some bad grammar, run on sentences etc. Ignore those ahaha. this is NOT edited or reviewed AT ALL. she's as raw as they come.

A/N: This came to be in a fever dream. Btw. Like God sent it to me. I'm sorry if it feels rushed I was so desperate to get it all down I blacked out. IT'S 5K OKAY MY BAD AHAHAH i'm kind of a slut for this kind of trope so MY BAD. anyway this is for THE @sarahscribbles 's Christmas Celebration!! Sorry I'm a little late, these two wouldn't shut the fuck up so I got carried away. ANYWAY I HOPE YOU ENJOY SARAH I LOVE YOU <3

Synopsis: What could possibly go wrong with spending a night sharing a room with Loki? (aka: enemies to lovers + one bed trope)

Word count: 5K

Oh man. You watched Loki bang the hood of the car in anger. That can’t be good. 

You rested your head against the window of the stolen car, taking deep breaths. You could feel your whole body shaking from the adrenaline. You hadn’t calmed down a single bit since the ride out here. How long has it been? Probably less than an hour. You had no idea how far out you were from the nearest town and it absolutely was not the right time for this car to stop. Your entire body hurt from getting kicked in the ass repeatedly during the fight, and your head spun. Your left side throbbed and your shoulder screamed in agony. Not to mention, you are completely separated from the rest of the group, and you have no means of communication. Somewhere along the way, you had lost your comm, and your spare was of no use. Loki said the lines were down anyway, so it wasn’t much help to begin with. 

Speaking of the devil, he threw the door of the car open, letting in the chill winter air, and huffed as he got back in, slamming the door behind him. “Stupid, useless vehicle. What is the point of transportation if it fails so easily?” He grumbled.

“It’s out of gas, genius,” “Well it’s not making for a very efficient getaway car,” He ran a hand through his hair. “Well?” You looked at him expectantly, but he only looked back with an expression of confusion. You sat up straighter to face him, but your vision blurred and your head swam. It took you a minute to collect yourself. “We can;t just sit here, we’ll freeze to death,” Loki scoffed. “No I won’t,” You clenched your jaw. “Okay, I’ll freeze to death,” “Tragedy,” His tone was dead as he pulled out his phone to mess with. “I’ll let them know it was a heroic death,” “You’re such an asshole,” “How original,” You nearly growled. “Laufeyson,” “Agent,” He replied smoothly, looking up at you with one of those disarming grins. You were not falling for it. You may be delirious and crashing soon, but you were not falling for Loki’s charms. 

“We need to figure something out,” “You mean I need to figure it out,” “Oh my fucking god. I’m not gonna sit here like some passenger princess-” “Agent, you are trembling so hard you couldn’t even walk a foot much less help out in this little dilemma,” Loki interrupted. “I have no desire to starve out here, and horrifyingly, I can’t find it in my heart to let you die out here either. I’ll figure it out,” 

You grumbled under your breath, and you were certain he heard you because he grinned wider and went back to messing with his phone. 

He was right though, you were shaking really hard- both from the adrenaline and now, the cold. Whenever you exhaled, a puff of white air formed in front of you, and the tip of your nose was starting to go numb. The idea of leaving your fate at the moment in the hands of Loki was an absolutely horrifying idea, since you knew how reckless this guy tended to be. But you didn’t have much of a choice, and as much as it physically pained you to sit quietly and wait, you did just that. It was made another fifteen minutes before Loki peeled his eyes away from the phone pad. He opened the door to the car, and stepped out. 

“Hey!” You yelled. “Where the hell are you going? Close the goddamn door!” But of course, he didn’t bother answering or listening. He looked around, staring at his phone occasionally before surveying the area again. And just when you thought he couldn’;t get more insane, he started walking away from the car. Your heart squeezed in your chest. Was he going to leave you here? Like hell he was. You kicked open your door, shakingly getting out of the car. You were vaguely aware of the stab of pain at your side that nearly had you doubled over as black spots danced in your vision, but you willed yourself to push it aside. You slammed the door shut as you walked out after Loki. 

“Hey!” You yelled out to him. You had no idea if he could even hear you with the way the wind howled and snow whipped at your face. It was freezing cold, snow biting your cheeks and your teeth chattering after being out here for less than a few minutes. “Laufeyson!” You yelled louder, arm clutching your side and limping in the direction he walked in. No answer. You were positive a storm was kicking up. 

“Loki!” You screamed this time, as loud as your voice let you. Your chest heaved, your throat hurt, and the air you gulped stung so bad you were so close to never breathing it again. 

“Loki! God help me, Loki, when I find you!” You looked around slowly, yet all you saw was the outline of your stolen car in the winds, and white. So much white. “I’ll haunt you, you know!” You shouted into the wind. “If I die here, I’ll haunt you forever!” You had to shield your eyes from the harsh snow as you yelled. You knew he couldn’t hear you, but you also knew that he couldn’t have gotten too far. How long could he even last out here? Damn it, he could probably last a while. 

Stupid, horrible, arrogant Loki. You contemplated going back to the car, but decided that if you were going to imagine a million and one ways to kill and haunt Loki for eternity, you might as well do it while freezing out here. You were only at number fifteen of your haunting possibilities when you heard his stupidly smooth voice. “What in the Nine Realms do you think you’re doing out here?”

You whirled around to find him standing there, absolutely unaffected by the weather or your situation. His cheeks were rosy and his pretty hair was up in a bun (that was more falling apart than anything) and pretty snowflakes hung in the curls. 

He looked….well. He looked heavenly, to say the least. 

“I was out here looking for you,” You shot back as harshly as you could, but with the way your teeth chattered and the small smirk that tugged at his lips, it didn’t seem to be working. “You should have stayed in the car,” He sounded almost…angry. Why the hell would he be angry when he left you behind? Although, the frown and furrowed brows were a little cute. “You shouldn’t have wandered off and left me behind,” “I was coming to get you,” “Like hell you were,” “I was,” He stepped closer to you, and you had to hold back everything to not huddle up closer to him like a goddamn penguin. He snapped his fingers and you felt something warm and heavy fall on your shoulders. “Put that on. We’re leaving,” 

“Leaving?! Where the hell are we leaving?! Do I need to remind you that we are stranded in the middle of a storm?!” 

Loki grumbled as he forcefully got you into the jacket he conjured. You didn’t bother saying thank you, which was fine because he only kept glaring at you before marching ahead. 

“Where are you going?!” He didn’t bother answering. “Loki!” Assshit. You grumbled and huffed the entire time as you hurried after him, trying to block off the tingling ache at your side. You knew you didn’t get stabbed. Maybe it’s a big cut. You were certain you’d know if a knife had lodged itself into your side. 

You had no idea where Loki was taking you but you kept your mouth shut in hopes that it was someplace warm and safe. 

“Your hair looks like shit,” You blurted out. Okay, maybe not always keeping your mouth shut.

He looked at you from the corner of his eye. “You don’t look much better,” “Yeah but I said it first,” “Maybe I should have left you in the car,” “I would’ve still found you,” “Yes, haunting me forever,” “You heard that?!” He shrugged. “I was heading back to the car. You weren’t exactly quiet,” You stared at him with wide eyes. “And you didn’t even say anything,” “I found it too amusing to interrupt,” You frowned, shoving him with your shoulder. Wrong move apparently, because your vision started spinning and your knees nearly buckled. Loki wrapped an arm around you ever so gently, as if scared you’d shatter otherwise. “Stop talking,” He snapped. “And stop being so damn aggressive. I would like to make this journey without you collapsing on me,” “I’m not going to collapse,” You mumbled. “You always were a terrible liar,” He muttered under his breath, and more or less carried you to your destination. At first, you didn’t let him, but he won eventually, like he always did, and you leaned the rest of your weight onto him. 

You had no idea where you were until you reached the smack middle of a small town. A picture perfect fantasy, almost. Little houses and small shops lined with lights and trees and covered in snow. It was like stepping into a Hallmark movie. Each house was so full of light, and even through the howling wind, you could hear the sounds of laughter and shrieking children. 

How the hell did Loki find this place? “There’s a motel here. We’ll book rooms, spend the night. I’m sure there’s Wi-Fi too,” Loki sounded like he was talking more to himself than you. 

“Freaking out?” You asked. 

“Yes. I’m thinking of which way Stark will kill me if you die,” “Pfft. Tony wouldn’t kill you,” Loki raised his eyebrows but stayed quiet as he walked you both through the town. The storm was clearly picking up, and you were thankful that he had all those genes to keep him alive in this weather, and that he was able to find this place. 

When you reached the motel- which appeared to be the only one in town- you couldn’t help smiling (even if you couldn’t feel your face at all anymore). It was a cute little building, rustic and heartwarming. Little snowmen lined the front, and a bed jingled as you and Loki entered. The inside was even better, with burgundy and gold designs and wallpaper that looked like it came straight out of a Victorian novel. It was cozy, and more importantly, warm. 

You almost sobbed in relief as you practically collapsed onto an armchair by the counter. Your body sank into it, your nerves singing in joy as you slowly felt your fingertips again. 

“Are you alright?” Loki asked. 

You nodded. “Yup,” He made a sound of disapproval. “You need to lie better,” “Go shove your head through the wall,” You muttered back. He only grinned. Loki didn’t even appear fazed or relieved at the warmth, and simply marched up to the counter. There was no one there, and he rang the bell at least five times. 

“Would you stop that?” You snapped after the sixth time.

“It’s a bell. It’s meant to be used,” “Not like that,” “It’s how you call for attention,” “Well I’m sure whoever runs this place will be here shortly,” He lasted a whole two minutes before he hit the bell again. 

“Loki,” You hissed. 

“Just a minute!” You heard a cheery voice call from the back, and a short old lady appeared, seemingly out of breath. “Sorry about that, all those damn stairs,” She chuckled to herself.

Loki flashed her a smile. “It’s not a problem at all,” “Oh my,” The old woman smiled back but this time you swore up and down she blushed a little. 

Loki and his stupid, disarming smile. 

“My…friend and I are a little caught in this storm,” He started, gesturing to you. You waved weakly at the lady and mustered up a smile. She probably thought you were crazy. You had no idea how you looked, but you knew it wasn’t how a normal person should. 

“We were wondering if you had any available rooms for the night. Just two is fine,” He turned back to the lady with an even bigger smile. 

“Well,” She smiled wider at Loki. “I’ll see what I can do,” He nodded, “Thank you…” he squinted at her name tag. “Lucy. Thank you very much, Lucy,” And there Lucy went, blushing and grinning at him again. 

Horrible, absolutely tragic. The poor woman had no idea how insufferable Loki was. 

Lucy rummaged through her desk, seemingly looking for keys to the rooms. She pulled out one, placing it on the counter, before going back to look for the other. You waited, tagging your foot on the wood floor, staring at the cute fireplace. Your whole body hummed in gratitude, and your feet tingle, feeling back in them. 

“Oh dear,” Lucy muttered to herself. 

“Everything alright Lucy?” Loki asked. 

“It seems that I only have a single room available. This storm has the place booked fully,” She explained. 

Hell no. 

Loki sighed. “Very well-” “Are you sure?” You interrupted him. “Can you check again?” You probably sounded desperate, but you couldn’t stop yourself. 

You can’t share a room with Loki. You’d go crazy. You’d do something disastrous- like give in to the urge to cuddle into his chest! Or God forbid, tangle your hand in his hair. 

“I did, hon. I’m afraid this is all I’ve got,” She said apologetically. 

Fuuuuck. 

“It’s quite alright, Lucy. There’s two beds in the room, correct? I’m sure we can manage to share a room for a night,” Loki said hastily before you could interrupt again. 

Lucy opened her mouth, as if to say something else, before she stopped. “Alright,” “How much is it for the night, darling?” Oh okay, he was really laying it on thick then. 

“Oh- oh um…” Lucy chuckled nervously. “This room….it’s 150$ for the night. You can pay in the morning, if you prefer,” “Nonsense,” Loki smiled, pulling out cash from the pocket in his top armour, counting the bills. “Here you go, Lucy,” He handed her the money. “Thank you so very much for your help,” She nodded wordlessly as she handed him the key. Loki took it and turned back to you, arms on his hips. “Are you coming, or must I carry you?” “I wouldn’t mind being carried…” You started jokingly. Apparently, Loki couldn’t read the room, because he frowned, shrugged and then walked over, picking you up effortlessly. 

“Hey-!” You started to protest, but a sudden wave of pain shot through you, shutting you up. “I was joking,” You muttered.

“Mhm,” He said, shooting Lucy another smile before heading upstairs to your room. The stairs were cute too, you noticed, lined with a soft matt and cute lamps lined the walls. And Loki’s chest was really warm, and- that had nothing to do with the motel. 

Before your thoughts could get any more dangerous, Loki stopped in front of a room, hand rummaging through his back pocket to get the key. “You can put me down now,” “I’ll put you down when I feel like it,” Shithead. 

He unlocked the door and stepped in, closing it behind him with his foot. All businesslike, he walked over to the big bed and placed you down on it. It was comfy, and you had to control yourself from not falling back and getting it dirty in all your blood and gore. Loki looked you over. “Fine?” You nodded. “Fine,” He smiled and you were certain he was going to call you a liar but you stopped him. “Laufeyson?” “What?” “Where’s the other bed?” Loki froze, looking around the room slowly. “Oh,” “Oh?” He looked back at you. “It seems, darling, that there is no other bed,” “No fucking shit! You’re sleeping on the floor,” He looked at you in disbelief. “Absolutely not. We can share the bed like civilised people,” “Everyone always says that! And then it never works out!” You threw your hands up. You winced, immediately dropping your hands to hold your side. “Everyone? Who the hell is everyone?” “The movies, duh,” He stared at you. “You’re serious,” “Dead,” He ran a hand down his face. “Alright. We’ll split the bed or something. I truly don’t care enough. I simply want to sleep,” You shrugged. “Fine. Go shower first, then I’ll go in,” “I don’t have clothes to change out of, genius,” “You’re a god genius,” You replied mockingly. “I’m pretty sure you can snap your fingers and get us some clothes,” He stared at you, like he hadn’t had that thought at all. “Right.” And indeed, with a snap of his fingers, a pile of clothes appeared on the bed, and one in his hands. “Try not to get yourself killed,” “I hope you drown in the shower,” He smiled at you before heading into the washroom. You were finally alone, even for a few minutes. You breathed a sigh of relief. Being around Loki always ended with one of you flustered. Tragically, it tended to be you. You looked through the pile of clothes Loki summoned- a plain shirt that appeared way too large, and some plaid pants. They weren’t outrageous. You just had to make sure you hadn’t lost any limbs. 

You slowly peeled off the layers of your top- the jacket, weapons, cash, your useless comms and phone- and then unzipped your equally-useless-in-the-cold vest. You laid all your things on the floor, not wanting to get the bed dirty. Then, slowly, you lifted your top just under your chest, sucking in a deep breath.

Fuck. 

There was a nasty looking cut, starting from right under your ribs and nearly crossing the other side. You didn’t think it looked terrible, but you are almost certain it needed stitches. It wasn’t bleeding too much, but that might have to do with being out in the cold for too long than anything else- even your top was more or less soaked in blood. 

You didn’t even have a first aid kit. You traced around the cut slowly, wincing when it hurt. You prayed it wasn’t infected. 

“Alright, hm?” Your head snapped up to see Loki freshly showered and changed, his now useless mission suit nowhere in sight. “Um, yeah, I’m fine,” His jaw ticked. “You’re hurt,” “Yeah but I’m fine,” “You are bleeding,” He sounded ...angry. Was he mad at you? “It’s not like I did it on purpose,” You snapped. 

He clenched and unclenched his fists. He opened his mouth to say something, before he shook his head and stormed out of the room. 

“What the fuck? You called out after him. He didn’t answer as the door slammed behind him. 

You had no clue why he had to be so mad. It’s not like you chose to get hurt, and you certainly weren’t going to ask him for anything, so why’d he get so pissy? You grumbled to yourself as you grabbed the clothes, heading into the bathroom to scrub off the day. 

It took you a solid twenty minutes to wash everything out. You were very careful to not open your cut further, taking warm water to wash off the dried blood around it. 

You tugged on the plain shirt as you stepped out of the bathroom. You winced when you reached up to tie your hair, deciding to just leave it down to dry. You had thrown your old clothes on the pile of Loki’s in the bathroom, and used a spare towel to press against your wound. 

“Welcome back,” You said sarcastically when you found Loki sitting on the bed. 

“Come here,” He said curtly. 

“You can’t just order me around after you walk out you know? And you can’t get bitchy with me for no fucking reason-” “Will you please come sit down so you can look at your wound,” Loki snapped, but it didn’t sound harsh. It was almost…pleading. You froze in your spot, blinking slowly at him. His voice sounded devastated and in your daze, you nodded, slowly walking over to sit on the bed beside him. 

“May I?” He gestured to your shirt and you nodded again. He lifted it over your head, and suddenly you were thankful for putting on the sports bra Loki brought with your clothes.. “You didn’t say anything,” He whispered. 

You swallowed. This was too freaky. You never got this close with Loki. “We-...we had other things to worry about,” You swore his hands trembled as he reached into the first aid kit beside him. Where did he get that? Did he run out to buy one? Damn it. You and Loki didn’t do fluffy shit. The one day you needed him to be an asshole….

He took his time cleaning the wound, and you tried your best to keep your yelps of pain down. 

“Do you want stitches?” Loki asked in a soft tone. He looked ...frightened. And why too pale. Did he get squirm-ish at this stuff?

“Are you a medical professional?” You asked. 

“Farthest thing from it,” You hummed. “Just wrap it up,”

He nodded, grabbing some cotton pads and the gauze. He carefully placed the pads onto the wound, and began wrapping the gauze around your waist. His fingers brushed against your skin, and you shivered at the touch. 

“There,” He exhaled, pulling his hands away. “You can put your shirt back on,” “Yeah,” You nodded. You should definitely grab it now. You should probably put it on. But you didn’t move a muscle, not with the way Loki stared at you, and the way his eyes dipped lower occasionally. He looked away, appearing flustered, his fists clenched on his thighs. “Loki?” “What?” He snapped. 

“Why are you so angry?” “You could have died,” His voice died down to nothing but a desperate whisper. “You could have died,” You opened your mouth to protest, to say that you had it under control and that everything was fine, but he shook his head. 

“Don’t you dare say everything was ‘fine’. You’re still such a terrible liar,” You weren’t. He just had that freaky ability to tell when you lied every damn time. 

“You could have died. Human life is so horribly fragile, you could have died at any second. What was I to do then, hm? Stare at your lifeless body?” “I thought you’d rejoice at my death,” You joked, trying to break the tension. His eyes snapped to look at yours, his jaw clenched and his eyes wide with fear. You thought he’d say something, but instead he just leaned in, crushing his lips harshly against yours. Before you could even react, he pulled away, breathing heavily. 

“I would have died too. In the simplest terms, my heart would have stopped working the minute yours did too,” You froze in shock, staring at him with wide eyes. What just happened? Your lips tingled from the kiss. You wanted him to do it again. “What the hell are you saying, Loki?” “I’m saying that you are incredibly stupid and idiotic and completely selfish. And that I would rather die than live a life without you in it,” He started, his tone angry and desperate. Your head was spinning. Maybe there was drugs in the linen of this bed. Or maybe Loki hit his head. 

“Say something,” Loki pleaded now, the fight gone from him. “I’m sorry if I offended you. I’m sorry I’ve been such an ass. I can’t help myself. I go crazy every time you’re around. I can’t think straight and I….I don’t know what to do with myself. I’ve never done this before. I thought perhaps if I annoyed you enough, I’d get you out of my head. But Norns, every time you shot some clever remark back, it only egged me on more,” He was rambling at this point. 

You felt confused, but at the same time a sense of relief washed over you. It wasn’t like you were in love with Loki- but you definitely didi entertain the idea of occasionally making out with him or spending the day shopping together. 

So maybe it was a little crush. 

And fuck, it was a relief to hear him blurt out how helpless he was with you. 

“Did you black out?” Loki asked. He cursed under his breath, getting up to give you some space. “I apologise, I shouldn’t have said anything. I came off too strong,” He fumbled as he stood up, running a hand through his hair. “I just…I panicked. I apologise-” “Loki,” You stopped him from spiralling further, even if it was cute to see his usually composed self dissolve. You shuffled over to him on your knees. Even while on the bed, he was still fucking giant. You cupped his face and pulled him down, pressing a kiss to his lips. 

You pulled away after a second, dizzy from the feel of his lips on yours. It was better than you could have ever imagined. He stared at you in shock, lifting his fingers up to press them to his lips. You nearly died right there. 

“What was that for?” he asked, shocked. 

You laughed, kissing him again. He leaned into it this time, wrapping his arms carefully around your waist, his lips pressing against yours. 

You kissed him again and again and again, until you were both breathless and his lips were swollen and you were sure yours were too. 

“You’re really fucking insufferable, by the way,” You muttered against his lips. He hummed, chasing after yours as you pulled away. “You drive me insane. You’re in my head all the damn time, I can’t get rid of you,” “Don’t get rid of me, then,” He captured your lips in another bruising kiss. “I don’t plan to,” You sighed happily as you shuffled back onto the bed, pushing aside bandages and gauze wrap and wipes. Loki was a lot neater, taking his time to put them away onto the night table. He crawled into bed with you, his body hovering over yours, hands on either side of your head, caging you in. He leaned down, pressing another kiss to your lips. One kiss turned into two, into three, and then you were making out lazily, your lips crushed together, heavy pants and heated breaths for god knows how long. Tragically, Loki rolled off of you, laying down beside you. You took deep breaths, trying to calm your racing heart. 

Loki shifted, laying now on his side to look at you. You did the same, smiling softly. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” 

“If you couldn’t tell, I’m not quite a people person,” You chuckled. “No, I guess not,” He could be your person though.

Maybe that’s too early to say. You kept your mouth shut. 

“Did I come off too strong?” “Nah,” You shook your head, reaching out to wrap your finger around a lock of his hair. “It was a Hallmark-worthy confession,” “What in the Norns is this Hallmark?” You laughed. “It’s a company. It makes lots of cheesy rom coms, all of which have some sort of frustratingly handsome male lead and big confessions,” “So you’re saying I’m handsome,” He grinned devilishly.  

“Can’t deny it,” 

He leaned in and kissed you again. You kissed him back but then pushed him off. “Stop it. I’ll become addicted,” He leaned back in. “Not a problem. I have no plans to go anywhere,” You ducked away from him, laughing. “If you keep making out with me Loki Laufeyson, we will be having sex,” His brows furrowed. “Absolutely not. Not while you’re injured,” Damn. 

“Fine, then stop kissing me,” “Well that’s unfair. I just got started!” You shrugged. “It’s not my call,” He huffed, pulling you closer, your back flat against his chest. His arm wrapped carefully around your waist, the hand coming to rest just under your wound. “Go to bed then. Before I do something crazy,” “I like crazy. I’m quite fond of crazy,” “Yes, crazy seems to follow you everywhere. It might be your whole identity, really,” “Is that an insult?” A pause. “I don’t think so,” 

You fell silent for a minute. “I think Lucy has a crush on you,” Loki laughed. “What makes you say that?” “Um, the way she blushed when you smiled at her? You laid it on so thick,” You could hear the shiteating grin as he spoke. “I have no idea what you mean, darling. I spoke to her like a normal person,” “Hm,” You wiggled closer to him. “Nah, you definitely were charming her,” His hand squeezed your hip. 

“Stop that,” “What?” You feigned innocence. 

“Stop moving,” You wiggled your ass again, just for a bit of emphasis. “What? This?” 

You swore the sound he made then was some growl. “You find new ways to annoy me every day,” “It’s my talent,” “And you excel at it,” You truly did. No one ever got under his skin like you did. And now with this new layer of your relationship, you have an infinite number of possibilities. 

You knew you guys should probably talk. Figure out where you stand. A plan for tomorrow morning. Try to communicate with the team. You couldn’t find it in yourself to care right now though. Loki was warm, and as he peppered kisses across your shoulder, you felt like maybe tomorrow would be a good day too. 

“I still think you’re an ass,” You mumbled, your eyes half closed. 

He laughed, the sound vibrating in his chest. “Truly a terrible liar,” He pressed a kiss under your ear. “I still think you are the bane of my existence,” “The only one?” “The only one,” You hummed, content with the answer. You could figure things out tomorrow. Tonight, you just wanted to lay in this haze of sunshine. To sleep and wake up to get drunk on Loki again.

Tags: I'm gonna tag a few people because I think I'm silly and this is my second little christmas-y fic so what the hell i dont care LMAO. DONT FEEL OBLIGED TO READ <3 @sarahscribbles @divine-knight-hand @holdmytesseract @joyful-enchantress @saturn-rings-writes

[oh-no-its-bird]

Tora gets hit w the time travel beam *gestures vaguely towards the "team ro time travel to warring states era but make it Tora AU team ro" post*

And gets mistaken for a bastard senju kid and missing brother of Tobirama bc of the resemblance. But also using the same logic I used w Itachi of the "the only people allowed to draw the connection are people who personally knew Tobirama when he was Tora's age (which, if sticking to the original team ro prompt, would be like 12) so only like. The founders + Touka get to make that conclusion

Him 🤝 Tenzo -> getting mistaken for a Senju and getting lots of hugs from Hashirama that make them Feel Things (TM)

People are telling Tora he's probably a bastard kid and he's making deliberate eye contact w that one time he tried to break into the senju compound and was kicked out bc the gates keyed into senju blood specifically. He's pretty sure he's not a senju guys. Trust him. Really.

Mmmm ok but actually taking it seriously, how would Tora affect the team ro dynamics in that specific adventure? In my original post I went really in depth on what each character thinks of their situation + the founders, so would that change at all?

On top of that, since it's a few month before the Uchiha coup, it's also peak Itachi-Tora-Shisui chaos hours as they plot to stop it

I think it's mostly the same, tho maybe Tora's general affect on Itachi means he isn't quite so much in the "Hey what if we just kill Madara. What then." boat

But also I can see the opposite, with maybe Itachi instead getting Tora on the "Hey what if we kill Madara in his sleep" boat

Shisui can sense the "Tora and Itachi are doing something alarming" button being slammed in the room over and investigates

Oh my god worst possible outcome: they get Shisui on board too. I can see it tbh, they were looking for ways to avoid the coup and the possible village retaliation and like hey !!! Opportunity they sure as fuck won't be getting anywhere else!!!

Plus like, play into the "Itachi rarley offers his own opinion bc he trusts Tora and Shisui to be in charge, but when he does offer it he's listened to"

Well he sure did offer his opinion!! And he sure is being listened to!!!

They actually all just feed into eachothers stress and decide that yes. To avoid the Uchiha coup and or possible village retaliation (they dont know the massacre is on the board yet but suspect smthn similarly bad), this is the best choice to make.

It turns into Kakashi having to talk them all down (whether he does so in time or not is debatable)

They get stopped, obviously, (tho actually commiting to killing off Madara like that would be very funny) and Madara assumes it was Tora's idea bc hes a clear leading figure in the trio and the other two are Uchiha. Tora is willing to take the fall for his friend, but Itachi is not

Itachi has a whole breakdown and bursts into awful messy tears for the first time since his father took him out to a battlefield as a child.

It's a whole thing and everyone is horrified (Tora and Shisui especially but even Madara + whoever else was there are cringing awkwardly at the sight of a previously blank faced little kid just. Loosing it.)

Itachi confesses to it being his idea and, at this point we're past the time travel reveal, explains he just needs to make sure Madara doesn't freak the fuck out and inevitable fuck over the entire Uchiha clan w a shitty reputation that haunts him for years to come

Madara is horrified what the fuck

Also INCREDIBLY demoralized ab the village now, what do you MEAN he fucking left it what do you MEAN originally Izuna died (they were keeping them in the dark ab everything future-wise other than just the fact that the village existed but this kind of forced the lid off that pot)

Also note: Kakashi !! Was !! Not !! Aware of this !!! Holy shit kids !!!!!!

They end up having a whole Thing(tm) about how look even if Madara one of the causes of their shit reputation,,, it can't all be traced back to and blamed on one man. That's not how politics work you guys.

(Queue shocked Pikachu faces and disbelief of three teenagers)

Kakashi, having his own special front row seats to the Konoha politics and rumor mill + yondaime's student + experience with facing the worst of it bc of his dad, giving them some sort of speech about scapegoats and politics and the soul crushing realities of systematic oppression and blame

It's a learning experience.

[lokisgoodgirl]

hi babe <33

let me tell you a very funny (slightly embarrassing) story that happened last week!!

so i was helping the english department at my school clean out their big and very outdated literature study books bc im best friends with all of them duh

anyway . im casually oohing and aahing at every book i see and stealing whatever poetry book i can find that they dont want anymore

until i come across this small pocketsized book! its teal and the spine is cracked and from afar the big S on the cover and the teal colour makes it look like fucking. Shrek. so naturally i was like ???? A SHREK PLAY???

and so i picked it up bc a gal got curious!! and i look closer and it turns out to be Henry IV part 1! and bc i cant keep my big mouth shut i yelled "OH M GOD ISNT THIS THE TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY???" and the entire office went. Quiet.

And they all turned to look at me. mind you these are women who ARE in Tom's age range so they pretty much grew up with his work!!! and ofc they KNOW him its tom hiddleston. and one of them was like " the??? the tom hiddleston play??" and trying to save my dignity (not that im embarrassed but also kind of) i was like yeah ? didnt tom hiddleston play in this?? to try and keep myself casual like no what im not an obsessed fan hello im So Normal about him!! i could feel my face burst into fucking flames bc how do i explain to these women that im obsessed with his work while they look at me like they know I read fanfiction (like THEY DONT. THEY DO. I KNOW THEY DO. BC THEY ALWAYS MENTION IT.)

and so then. the entire fucking department spent the day picking up whatever stupid Shakespeare book they can find and saying really loudly IS THIS A TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY?? and i guess they ALL assume now the ONLY WAY I KNOW ANY ENGLISH LITERATURE is through Tom Hiddleston.

absolutely embarrassing. but i got to keep the book so WHATEVER.

but oh my god i think a part of my pride died that day. it was REALLY FUNNY but oh my god. no i DO know english literature i JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT TOM HIDDLESTON PLAYED IN A FEW OF THEM!!! leave me ALONE.

i cannot believe i had to out myself like that. no actually i dont care but its the fact that these women KNOW the sort of stuff going on out there i am 90% sure some of them HAVE WRITTEN FANFICTION BEFORE and i had to sit there and act like i didnt just finish reading the most filthy panty melting smut of some tom hiddleston character. like hello. oh my god. it was funny but also horrifying.

anyway so now the whole department knows me by association to The Tom Hiddleston Play and a) oh my fucking god but b) cant help but giggle a little if they MUST know i AM Crazy abt him and his work idc WHAT they say (they act like they dont have friday movie nights where they watch whatever play he's got.)

anyway. the end.

This is the stuff life is made of 😆❤️ I was laughing and cringing along with you omg. So funny🤣

"IS ✨THIS✨ A TOM HIDDLESTON PLAY?!" 🤣

It sounds like they were very sweet and jokey about the whole thing. And yes, fanfiction will be no biggie to them I'd bet😂

It reminded me of when I was casually explaining to my parents why exactly my football-allergic ass was going to Soccer Aid last year with @lokischambermaid - and I fumbled and said "oh, well there's an ac-torr that she and I are fans of and so you know we're just err-"

My Mum, who I have never mentioned TH too before in my puff: "Is that Tom Hiddleston?" 🤨

Me: 😵😵"...yes"

And that was all that was said about it 🤣but she knew. She has eyes. Awkward moments are so funny in hindsight. Thank you for sharing this with me🤣

[dareactions]

Been reading your reactions on your blog and its 3 am rn but I have two requests I'll probs be sending them both in seperate asks but first one, okay so I have been playing a dwarf inquisitor for the past week or so, he's 2 handed warrior

I also had a warrior dwarf in my old DnD club before graduating but anyways, how would the companions react to a dwarf 2 handed inquisitor stareing directly into Iron Bull's eyes and with the most serious tone asking if Bull could PICK them UP and THROW THEM to the enemy, how would the other companions ESPECIALLY Bull react to just watching their inquisitor get full on YEETED into enemy lines So all they see is this short dwarf with an AXE bigger than their body coming at them at 90 MPH just a ball of rage who wouldn't be terrified?

XD this hit me after remembering in a session where my friends Orc paladin suggested throwing my character towards an archer up on a hill got a fucking NAT 20 AND IT WAS GLORIOUS

i hate to admit we've done this in my dnd group too, and i fear my players will soon too bcs i gave the kobold a fucking nuke. why did i do that? oh god everyday is stressful.

Cassandra: She stops, and she stares. For a moment she truly wonders if maybe the rage demon in front of her stops in confusion too, because its actions become stilted and slow for a second- it's the second she needs to cut it in half as she turns towards the Inquisitor. ''Are you out of your mind?'' Is the only thing her mind can conjure up as she in absolute dread watches The Iron Bull listen to them. Why did she agree to this, why did she start the Inquisition. She should've let the world end, why are they all like this. It doesn't matter how impressive it is to her deep down, she wants to retire.

Solas: Well, that is certainly not what he had expected. His eyes narrows and his mouth opens as if to say something, just to close. It could work. That's the worst part, honestly, that he could see it work and can't even find it in himself to question the tactics. There's a moment where his spellcasting is far less controlled, more lazy in hitting its targets because he is simply far too busy watching the Inquisitor go flying. He can't even laugh, he probably would if it weren't for the fact he watches them covered in blood stand back up after cleaving half of their enemies in half. For a moment he rethinks his plans. Just for a moment.

Dorian: He yells out in glee at this, it's the funniest shit he has heard for months personally. Because Dorian Pavus for some reason, doesn't think the Inquisitor and Bull will go through with it. There's no way, absolutely not, it's ridiculous for all intents and purposes! Except the Inquisitor flies past him at an alarming speed just seconds later and Dorian finds himself lucky he has the sense to not send a spell after in pure shock, staring in awe as he ignores Sera's loud cackling to his side. He probably shouldn't tell Cassandra he found that impressive, he has a feeling she won't share the sentiment- but he looks over at Bull who just grins in pride. No wonder people were horrified of them, were they all normal people they probably would be too.

Sera: She is a cackling mess, leaning against Dorian trying to gasp for breath as Cassandra goes slack jawed. It's too funny to be impressive, it really is. The Inquisitor goes flying and she can feel her stomach muscles start cramping as people drop in front of them. Was death supposed to be this funny? Is there some kind of demon for people who die horribly hilarious deaths? She isn't sure but she has to be calmed down because breathing becomes more difficult by every second she laughs. ''Do it again! Do it again right now!'' Her request isn't appreciated by Cassandra, but Sera doesn't care. She just needs to see the confusion on these things faces one more time, just once more !

Blackwall: He shares Cassandra's retirement sentiment. It's impressive, really, it is. But at the same time he has to wonder how healthy it actually is, getting launched at such an intense speed- what if an ally had gotten in the way? Even so his mouth tugs with a smile, his eyes stay focused on the remaining enemies in front of him but- maker, why did the Inquisitor have to spin? He takes a deep breath and steels himself, this is fine. It's fine. He doesn't break out laughing until after the battle is done and Cassandra starts yelling at the Inquisitor, and they have the audacity to go ''Well, it worked didn't it?'' at her. He isn't sure if he is older than Cassandra anymore because she seemingly ages in front of him from it all.

Iron Bull: If you ask Bull, he was born for this moment. Everything has led up to launching a small violent dwarf with a giant axe in the air through enemies, this is why he was put in this reality. He is gleeful like a child receiving gifts, excitedly screaming as the Inquisitor cuts down foes mid-air. It's fun and he feels the surge of adrenaline from pulling a stupid stunt and somehow succeeding. His hands itch and the Axe he was wielding himself gets picked back up in seconds, slicing through enemies with a new eager ferocity. He fucking loved his job. This was the best job ever, fuck everything else, he'd just launched his boss in the air to kill things!

Vivienne: It's all very barbarish, isn't it? She frowns from the back where she is carefully weaving magic to her will, really, throwing the Inquisitor? Even so she can't exactly argue with how useful it is, seeing as the long line of dead things sort of counter any argument she might have. Even so she scoffs at the blood bath, rolling her eyes at delighted yells and laughter from some of her allies- this is absolutely barbaric. No, she is not smiling to herself, absolutely not. ''Do well in not getting blood on me, dear.'' Is her only comment on the matter, as she just shakes her head and moves through the battlefield. Children, she works with children.

Varric: His first reaction is just the words ''Don't ever think I'll do that.'' to Bull who laughs heartily, clearly not understanding that Varric very much has no intention to ever become a projectile. It's funny, something straight out of his books and he is for sure putting this in one- even if nobody will ever believe him. It makes him wonder just what else is possible if you have sheer stupid will and dedication, and how the hell Hawke didn't try that trick years ago.

Cole: He stares in confusion at the spot where the Inquisitor just was, eyes narrowing at the now empty plot of grass. They were just here, and then he looks up and just sees the spinning ball of absolute carnage that is flying through the air. He lets out a tiny ''Oh.'' because what else can he do? Cole just stares for a second longer before nodding, alright. He supposes that works too, and the Inquisitor is happy, so it can't hurt.

[toaster-boi]

Episode 7 frame-by-frame, part 2!

link to part 1

link to part 3

!!! SPOILERS AHEAD (and also gore) !!! (but you probs knew that)

well that's horrifying. also goes really fucking hard. looks like i can finally ditch my default wallpaper.

wow, her first on-screen kill and it's a blurry smear frame. J stays losing (affectionate)

ah that's clever, the explosion both lights up and distracts you from the fleshvines growing on the buildings

also did i hear a goddamn wilhelm scream

who are these two, ripping a guy in half? the only time we've seen fully-formed Disassembly Drones that weren't the main trio were corpses in Dead End (Ep6).

sorry Cyn but ya boi is taken (this isn't a shipping joke please don't hurt me)

aww, family photos! that's actually really sweet...

confirmed nightcore enthusiast, Nori is the manic demon nightmare girl to counter all the manic pixie dream girls

the oil cans have been fucking energy drinks the whole time???????

it's kinda hard to pick up but Nori's voice has the slightest Southern twang to it, i love it

he's adorable

god they're SUCH FUCKING DORKS I LOVE THEM

another kickass wallpaper

B3

"OTHER THINGS IT CAN DO:

NOT JUDGE ME"

girl you got issues previously unknown to science

...who was Lizzy texting??? V??? don't give me hope Liam. please. please.

from paranoid pushover, to supportive father, to Apocalypse Dad. man's been having a whole arc in the shadows and we weren't paying attention bc he was too funny

dork siblings.

???????

rererererereCAPTCHA

if you understood half of what was going on you'd be nicer to them

oh. you're not doing too good.

Doll, i'm sorry, but you're fucked. no two ways about it.

fnaf at feddy,,,

ow.

"I THINK THE ENTITY OF PREVIOUS PAGES PURGED FILES FROM MY MEMORIES." -- checks out, Cyn has absolutely done that

"'PET' -- IT'S SENT SOMETHING(S) TO ELIMINATE THE OTHER HOSTS" -- ah, so that's the primary reason the DDs exist, to clear rogue Solver hosts before Cyn went planetside. that means my old theory on DD weapons being optimized for use against Solver hosts holds water.

"'PETS' OF SOME KIND..." "PUPPET HOSTS WITH NERFED -- ... -- THE ENTITY - ENSURES CONTROL" -- from context, i assume she means DDs have reduced free will/individuality, but N's squad was of course an exception.

also that's absolutely V in the drawing. bob haircut, clearly not wearing pants of any sort, it's her.

he's so cute

that's metal as hell. god damn.

oh you motherFUCKER-

@rusty-gloinks got a feeling you're a fan of this bit

MOTHERF-

(end of part 2)

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HI. MACKERELMORE. nhw trickster. killington. amity. the chaos zone. deadwood. new and funny and interesting ways to slaughter people. tide clone shit. bonesaw boiling the failed clones alive. muse. trickster using muse to do shit like u just saw in killington. the wards seeing the trickster using muse to execute people in ways Like That. holds up mic!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOD. THERES SO MUCH GOOD FUCKING FOOD FOR NHW IN THE CHAPTERS I READ EARLIER. fuck. god. shit. okay.

starting with the trickster bc i feel like when i get into tides stuff ill talk for 10 years. ohhhhh my god dude as soon as they walked into a town called fucking KILLINGTON ????? i was like. god thats a joke trickster would make huh!!!!! hed think thats so fucking funny. (and it is. but only to me who has the advantage of seeing this as a narrative and not a real event i am experiencing. fucking hilarious shit. killington??!?!?!?!? killington. ) i have a lot of thoughts about the shit he did to Amity before he escaped and like. yeah. fuckin yeah. i dont think he wouldve killed Everyone in the city (gotta have. puppets to play with and also like. people who hes not controlling to chase around and hunt for sport) (this is fucking terrifying and awful! this is so bad! like catastrophically so!) but i definitely think when the wards go to amity (because i want them to do that so bad at some point) i think it will be in sort of a similar state to this with like. bodies strung up like decorations. graffiti made from fuckign. ash and blood and paint all mixed together. really obviously placed traps. etc etc etc. jsut like. evidence that this place is like his fucking playground! horrifying!

anyway yeah also muse holy shit. muse has to singlehandedly raze at least one fuckign town. for sure. dude dude like that fucking video jack had where they had everyone gathered together before they started killing them? that but with trickster and muse? and its . more fucking scary because instead of 200+ slaughterhouse 9 clones its literally JUST trickster and muse. and whatever random handful of puppets trickster is controlling around the edge of the crowd for extra sets of hands.. aauogaouguguhhghhhgh. i need them to do horrific shit.

OKAY. CLONE TIME. CLONE TIM.E . OUGHGHHGHGH TIIIIDE. TIIIIIIIIDE. how many failed clones do you htink there were. how many failed clones to make tide and magma. do you think they know about the failed clones. they got fucking BOILED ALIVE. do u think tide and magma ever see any of the other clones before theyre ready and they have to look at their own fucking faces (face?) and think about that. i still have that post abt the lambert family in my drafts god i need 2 finish that but. in my mind tide and magma are the oldest (technically magma is the oldest but tide was like. a year or less after him so theyre closer in age) and then it was. seismic and whirlwind at the same time so theyre twins. and then shockwave. and then elle. so i think tide and magma have that Eldest Sibling bond where they have. Issues that are parallel to each other. and a LOT of that comes from being endbringer juniors and a lot of that comes from being clones. but where magma got closed off and aloof about it tide like. desperately clung to kindness bc he doesnt like when people are scared of him. anyway im getting distracted. FUCKING CLOOOOOONE SHIT. CLONE LORE. WORM CLONE LORE. THE WHOLE LIKE. either implanting false memories from other people or needing to raise them from scratch????? thats fucking insane. oh my god. what the fuck kind of memories do u think they got. obviously a lot from dr lambert but like. man. do u think the endbringer thing is like baked into their fucking memories. its in their dna. i didnt quite understand the bit about bonesaw trying to give them their powers but if altering memories can alter what sorts of powers they get...... do the endbringers have dna. do u think tide and magma got endbringer dna in them. that would be sick (both in the sick meaning cool way and in the im gonna make myself sick way). actually that brings up the point. are the endbringers even organic??????????? or are they constructs?????????? since they were confirmed created by someone/something....... man. MANY THOUHGST HEAD FULL. HAVING A LOT OF EMOTIONS ABOUT NHW TIDE. bonesaw boiled the failed clones alive. i dont . i dont think tide and magma were ever *kids* (which is like. ow.) but like. god im just imagining the part in trigun where vash and knives find whats left of tesla. holy shit dude. do you see my vision here

[technicalknockout]

What were some of your favourite pages in the book?

god thats a hard one jsnfjksdk the entire book is so good but i do have my favorites. heres an entire list

silly straws page - i read in 'dipper and mabel's guide to mystery and nonstop fun' that bill likes silly straws and thought it was a silly random tidbit, imagine how surprised i was when i realized there was LORE behind it.. im still figuring out some codes bc i dont wanna look them up and im having so much fun !!

stanford trying to keep me from reading the book page - "you cant hear the disappointed sigh im making rn, but i assure you it's devastating" i mean he failed to stop me from reading the entire thing in one sitting but i was just very happy to see ford's cursive again. It was really funny seeing him trying to guess what the reader would be convinced by (i saw the moth picture and thought 'whats that called, a goth moth?' I laughed out loud when it turned out that was actually its name)

urban legends page - as a long time fan of creepypasta the references in this page absolutely delighted me. Also the art is so realistically horrifying, whoever drew these i love you

the one true intelligence test - idk this page just made me laugh a lot

Entire anti-cipher society part - i love how instead of telling the story in just plain text, they made us follow the story with newspapers and journal pages. What was that called. I swear there was a name for that kind of storytelling if anyone knows pls pls tell me

every page with ford and fiddleford - BEAUTIFUL. SUBLIME. BEST THING TO EVER EXIST IN THE WORLD. I HECKING LOVE FRIENDS BEING WHOLESOME TOGETHER AND I LOVE IT MORE WHEN THEYRE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM MY FAVORITE SHOW. THEY MAD SNOWMEN OF EACH OTHER THATS SO CUTE

"but my aim is getting better" - do i need to explain this one

whatever this page is called;

I hated reading this (i loved reading this). i kinda got spoiled before i bought the book with an analysis post, had to literally put my phone down and think about what id just read. i think this page really puts bill and ford's relationship into perspective. ford's a person and bill's a multidimensional semi-god creature, bill will do and say anything in his power to get ford to do what he wants. this relationship cannot even begin to resemble normal. and also the forgetting your own name part horrified me, thats some good horror right there.. love it when books make me have a visceral reaction to tiny words on paper

call transcript from the police - OH the LORE and CHARACTER ANALYSIS FOOD RIGHT HERE. i could talk for hours about how bill straight up sucks at relationships and he's SO unwilling to admit he was upset about falling out with ford that he's lying to himself MULTIPLE TIMES OVER AND OVER and how a lack of genuine connection with people is eating him up - but if i talked about all that this post would spiral into insanity real quick. Also drunk bill talking into the phone was very very sad and very very on character and i could hear hirsch's bill voice inside my head it was really good aghjgnkhhh

stan's page - I ALMOST CRIED AND I KNOW THATS KIND OF A WEIRD REACTION BUT I SAW THE STAN PAGE IN THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM OKAY AND IT WAS MAKING ME VERY UNWELL I WAS EXTREMELY RELIEVED TO JUST HEAR THIS MAN SO HAPPY AGAIN STANLEY PINES I LOVE YOU YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING

yee that turned out longer than id anticipated jdndjs

overall this was amazing. an entire book written in my favorite character's voice is something i've only ever dreamed of and it's genuinely a frickin honour to have a copy in my house. my bookshelf is 2% more cursed now and i would not have it any other way.

one of these days im gonna black out and there will be a twenty-pages long essay on bill's social life on your feed. i advise you to gently scroll past it without looking.

[gloriousmonsters]

this post is just killing me.

the flying leap from a tweet that's just 'the fanciest house in my neighborhood put notes in everyone's mailboxes asking them to be quiet from 2pm bc they were having a backyard wedding, and i'm in awe of my neighbor who proceeded to mow his lawn at exactly 2' to 'oh my god this is everything wrong with america. thinking HORRIFYING behavior like this is OK is why we had Trump!! don't you know that conservatives feel the same way about PRONOUNS as you do about the richest people in the neighborhood issuing a notice that everyone needs to shut up for their event?'

Like sure, it's rude! It's really funny to characterize it as 'you think you're the MAIN CHARACTER', though (god, that criticism is... not only flawed to begin with, but is quickly being overused to the point of incoherence) considering that if anyone seems to think the world revolves around them, it's the people who expected the neighborhood at large to stop and shut up because they're having a backyard wedding (which requires absolute silence from the surrounding area, apparently).

This wasn't some plea for love and kindness and mutual understanding that was shut down by chest-thumping MURICA spirit--the tweet is a TWEET, short and lacking a lot of context by its nature, but the implications are glaringly obvious. Fanciest house on the block, by a mile. No names, they probably aren't friends with anyone in the neighborhood. They issued notes to everyone via mailbox--not talking to them. The notes weren't inviting them to the wedding or any overture of friendship, just 'please be quiet we're doing something important'. Do you think they cared about or checked whether anyone else had something important happening? You don't get love and peace and community and mutual understanding and respect by shushing when someone asks you to shush. In fact, the attitude of 'you have to be polite and not bother people--for the sake of Community and not being rude!!' is twisted just as much to use against marginalized people as belligerence over being asked to do anything at all.

but overall, maybe this isn't some great example of america/humanity's flaws with villainous behavior that must be decried and analyzed, maybe it's just someone's funny little bit of gossip about the richest people in their neighborhood being rude and someone being rude to them back. and maybe if you're comparing it to YOUR neighborhood where everyone is totally OK with people being noisy because they all respect each other and YOU personally would be quiet if one of your neighbors, who you already have an understanding with, asked you to be quiet for a wedding in the area.... realize at some point that the situation is not the same? and this has nothing, in fact, to do with 'how is anyone going to respect your pronouns/being queer if you don't respect and be kind to people in the first place??' which is an unhinged connection to make, period.

Respect and kindness are good. Being respectful and nice and a Good Community Member is not actually a tax you must pay to have a right to live your life. Don't have an outdoor wedding in the middle of a neighborhood if your life will be ruined by someone mowing their lawn. why did we even make this jump in the first place

[bigsnzstanacct]

It is too bad I have to go back to work bc otherwise I would get into my T/ed L/asso scenario with Roy having Le Big Big Sneezes and the famously hot embarrassing video of him losing control in public early in his career where he like idk blows out the front wall of a shop, something along those lines, and of course he’s absolutely horrified and all “it’s not funny it’s not hot I could have really hurt somebody and none of you understand what it’s like to walk around knowing you’re a fucking danger to the people around you” and meanwhile the whole internet is like “fucking R/oy Ke/nt can big bad wolf the shit out of my shop any day, dear god please let Ro/y get a sniffle in my shop” and actually I think I can make it work in the show’s whole moral framework bc doesn’t that sound like the kind of thing we would have gotten way too carried away with in 2013 and then been really embarrassed about looking back like oh wait this was lowkey a lil problematic of us oops also am I thinking of the whole obsession with J/on H/amm’s dickprint in the early/mid-2010s bc I happened to be reminded of it and looked up some of the old articles maybe maybe not mind your business k gotta go back to work finally bye

[sayakxmi]

[Magi reread] Night 71: Alibaba

Alibaba looks so smol next to Sinbad, it's a serious situation but I'm just laughing

Welp, there goes the High King of the Seven Seas.

Judar's awkward teenage crush. I feel like he could've bonded about it with Alibaba if not for the fact that he'd rather choke on his stupid staff than admit there was a time he was into the guy.

Even though literally everybody knew.

I cannot explain this, but I really like this panel. Idk, might be because I'm a sucker for Judar & Alibaba, mostly platonic (but potentially one-sided on Judar's side, bc it's just hilarious). They just have the potential to be the funniest bitches alive (or somewhat alive), and I can respect that. Like, it's such a refreshing friendship in Magi, where they're just fucking assholes towards each other. I just love the idea of them being so fucking petty, and absolutely dragging out some old shit any chances they get, but also being super ride-or-die for each other, as long as Judar doesn't cross some lines, in which case Alibaba knocks him down.

But also you can always read it as Judar's way of flirting, and I think that a very funny idea, too.

Thank you, Morgiana

I love Alibaba. I know you know. There's no way to miss it, given how much I talk about him. But, just, the fact that this is such a horrible situation, and he's still willing to fight.

There's also something about him being so... calm. Well, maybe that's not the right word. It's more like he's not overthinking the way he usually it. It's a cool contrast, given how often he panics (for good reasons). But I think that it just manages to show how bad the situation is. It gives you the sense that at this point, it literally cannot get any worse, so panicking won't help.

But that doesn't mean he's alright with anything, actually. He's determined to keep others safe, and accepts that "at all costs" might be truly ALL costs.

There it is. No panic, just pure determination. Ugh, I love to see it.

And also Morgiana's reaction to everything, very understandable. I think it's kind of interesting when you look at it that way - they switch places. It's Alibaba who keeps his head clear, while it's Morgiana who is the horrified one. For the most of this arc it was the other way around. It was Morgiana who wanted to act, and even tried to convince Alibaba to act, while he was too overwhelmed to do anything. But here? It's Alibaba who pleads to her to help him do something.

Also bonus, even the guards are horrified.

And, obviously, for a good reason. Alibaba's putting his life on the line, fully aware that he's doing it, and even accepting that yeah, I might die here. But they have to do this, anyway.

Looks cool af

And theeeeere

goes the sword.

It's not over yet.

Honestly, the fact that he's literally shaking. That everybody can see it. Man, as if the situation wasn't deseprate enough.

Also, I just fucking love Aladdin's monologue here. Ya bet I'm adding all of it here.

It's one of the reasons why I fucking love him so much. Alibaba feels responsibility very strongly, very personally, even when things really have nothing to do with him. That's just how he is. No, it's not healthy, obviously, but there's something about the fact that in spite of all his insecurities, all the ways the world and even his loved ones made him doubt himself, he's still willing to take an action when there's a need for it. He might struggle, he might get overwhelmed, but he WILL do everything in his power to help.

Like, I hate to copy-paste entire pages, but damn, I just fucking love this chapter.

Oh my god

-SCREAMS-

[paigemathews]

Okay, so I finished episode eight (Bug a Boo) and thoughts (actually tracked through the episode this time):

my sister said that Jada gives off Bianca energy and I vibe with it. she also is questioning my sexuality bc I said Jada was hot, which. mostly bc I wanna look like her tbh, one of my ideal style categories is "witch" sooo. But also Jada really is just cool as hell, I like her.

this whole dating app plot would be great for a Cupid girl, tbh. Like there are a couple of plot points or episodes that'd been great for a next gen kid, but I think that one of the Cupid-witches getting a plot with a dating app would be really cute.

Maggie and Parker have been dating for like. five minutes. why the fuck are they talking about spending the summer together?? y'all don't even know if you'll still be together, what the fuck

Hunter sticking up for Parker thoooo. I'll be honest, demon bros relationship is actually really adorable and funny. It's definitely a highlight of the episode.

Why are they two different kinds of demon though?? Hunter is a shapeshifter and Parker is a shadow demon, like. Their dad doesn't seem to be either kind either, how do demonic genetics work

👀 okay but Julia and Macy's relationships possibly paralleling Elise and Phoebe's relationship in the original? Older female boss takes on a slightly more maternal role to the witch who never had her mom?

Their powers are already really fricking strong, idk how they're supposed to advance when it seems so easy for them already

The argument between Charity and Mel about helping in mortal affairs seems very similar to the discussion Paige and Henry had in s8 of the original, but uhhh Mel is dumb (shocker) and fundamentally misunderstands what the Elders and the S'Arcana told her. No one told her to just stand by and do nothing when bad things are happening right in front of her, even using her magic to do it. (I mean, the original sisters never just let bad things happen in front of them bc they didn't want to use their powers.) The difference is that the S'Arcana want to go out of their way to aid in mortal affairs that aren't directly happening in front of them, aka a proactive and direct role, while the Elders want to stick to magical affairs. Mel manages to fundamentally misunderstand both groups, bc she is dumb.

Oh, God, I hate that bug demon, it's fucking horrifying.

Why are all of the Elders dressed in white? (I get the no faces thing, but uhhh, that definitely hits nightmare fuel for me.) It's kinda. on the nose, man, bc at least the og Elders were all wearing the same type of robes so it was more of a uniform. This just feels cultish.

Why does Macy like Galvin? Babe, you can do so much better, this man is boring af.

lmao, Mel got smacked with a board bc she just. wandered in like a dumbass

lmao, Galvin just got fucking hit by a car, I hate this miscommunication trope but it's kinda funny bc of how random it is. (Also shoutout to my original note being that he got hit by a cat.)

[mothwithteeth]

moth!! can i ask about the possibly super fucked up dark fic idea?? i am intrigued 👀

YES YES YES YES YES THANK YOU i have been reading this lovingly at work all day waiting to have my computer to answer the way i want to (in a rambling and incoherent way that's just easier to type on a keyboard)

i just finished mexican gothic and that was the exact level of fucked up romance i like, i have been listening to all kinds of music about being the problem (my sibling showed me blame brett by the beaches and i have been replacing the lyrics bc my ex's name fits perfectly), and i've been feeling super toxic lately

putting in a read more and a tw for noncon, kidnapping, coercion, and the like. proceed w caution

so the idea is for dabi. and basically it's toxic!reader has a one night stand with him, and basically kicks him out of bed as soon as they're done. and that drives him nuts because that's his job. he wasn't going to stay the night or anything, but how dare you?

so now he's following you. you're not interested in double dipping. you're in your ho phase. single use pp only. even less interested in feelings. really in a heartbreaker bitch era. so he sees that you don't care at all when he tries to chat you up again, and it makes him even crazier.

basically i want him to get more and more obsessive as he watches you flirting with other men and women, but go home by yourself. but then you want dick again. new dick. hawks dick.

bam! another one night stand. and it goes exactly the same

and here's where the options begin. it could be a funny romcom but it could also be a yandere horror (frankly the only difference sometimes is framing) and i think we all know which way i lean. and if we don't it's towards the horrifying dark stuff

now that i'm thinking about it, hawks could have the same reaction. i'm still spitballing but i have all kinds of ideas

idk if i want it to be quirkless or if i want the reader to have a fireproof quirk bc i also like the idea of the reader being completely immune to dabi's main source of intimidation. like really like. really really like. and if i do that then he might recruit someone to help him. maybe in exchange for a little help, shigaraki can get a taste when dabi finally decides he can't let you continue to distract him (shortly if not immediately after you fuck hawks)

oh my god he might ask giran for a favor. oh. that would be indulgent but oh that could be fun

it could just be so fun and there are so many nasty, nasty possibilities

i might be too excited about this lmao

[momo-de-avis]

Both sides of mine have the opposite of disowning syndrome.

No matter what someone does, they're family and we can't ever Change that (implied don't speak ill of them, because you'll make US think about every way we handled it wrong). Which leads to... inch resting discoveries when older family members casually talk about all the crimes their parents and such commited, including those they helped cover up 🫥

And expect me to be normal about it instead of incredibly confused and horrified.

(one of my grandmas does stop talking to random people over perceived slights, and has kept that for decades, but that's more of a her thing than a family thing. Never stopped praising domestic abusers like they were God on earth, no, it's the corner store lady who didn't greet her one day that deserves shunning!)

I never really dug into the history of my family seriously, because I'm afraid of what other crimes I'll uncover 😬 maybe after the older generation dies out

Oh my attitude is fully not giving a shit. Absolute 0 fucks. My great-grandparents and uncles were insane. My great-uncle starred in movies, got into so many fights he had to hire lawyers, and fell off the ferry into the river he was so drunk lmfao. Incredibly funny story to tell my clients and whoever cares to listen

My grandmother's side of the family was always salty as shit. My grandmother hated her grandmother bc she put her in an orphanage. Her parents died very young, and this same grandmother hates her daughter-in-law so she shunned her from her own family.

Like, I have family in South Africa. I just vaguely remember this being a piece of information kind of floating around, but they stopped talking to my mother for reasons related to her divorce.

Even my family from the north are complete strangers to me cause everyone cut each other off after the Big Divorce happened.

They're all fucking insane if you ask me

[moodymelanist]

I've been thinking a lot lately about your Nesta CoN AU and I really enjoyed reading it!

Specifically about Mor. You write her in a way that gives her kind of more character than actual Book!Mor which is funny and you explored her flaws a bit too. One of my favorite moments that partly horrified me was the one where she mentioned her mother and I was like "yikes oh god did she really.. that has horrible implications" and I mean this in a good way bc she would absolutely be this complacent and do this. But also my reaction "Girl! you came into your power over time and had 400+ years to do something about your steward father's corrupt court, and you did nothing!!! your cousin the self proclaimed most powerful high lord of all time had the power and reach and he!! also!!! did!!! nothing!!! and you knew your mother was vulnerable and that Kier tormented her (probably) and you loved her and cared about her wellbeing and you did nothing! and now she is possibly dead because of your own inaction, or the worse scenario she is barely alive and utterly battered. Like wtf? that poor woman. Just imagine if Cassian and Azriel did this! it's so outrageous in this context. Whatever you decide to go with in your story, I hope she will be faced with all this (Mor) and be crushed with guilt. That's just.. wow. You really brought out a lot of emotions out of that line from me.

Somehow the way Mor thinks about and treats the people of the CoN bleeds over to her inaction with her mother's situation, and the IC are really the villains this no matter how Sjm wanted to showcase them as heroes. It unforgiveable. But I'm glad you and other fan authors explore it in depth!

Hi!! First of all, I so appreciate that you took the time to write all this out about my fic 🥹🖤 I’m so glad you’re enjoying it so much and that it’s resonating with you so deeply!

Second — I thought Mor asking about her mother was such a good way to demonstrate just how lowly she thinks of Nesta without outright saying it. But this whole fic came about because like many other readers, I was so frustrated with the IC’s treatment of the CON that I was like fuck it let’s do something about this. It doesn’t make a lot of sense considering how much they preach about wanting to make change and being better people and whatnot. They have such a big opportunity to make all of their court better, not just Velaris, but they fall victim to this “oh, everyone must be evil there” mentality even though Mor is a shining example that this isn’t true.

I don’t know yet exactly what I’ll do with her mother in the fic (she’s definitely still alive!) but this ask gave me some things to think about too. Hope you’re having a great rest of your day 🖤

[uh-oh-its-bird]

Back on my bullshit w some more context on how I'm thinking they got into this mess, kind of long fic overview under the cut:

Rolling with the "yokai, big and small, are generally accepted to exist in this world" for baseline, the mission both Tobi and Izu were individually sent out to take care of was some small little "spirit problem" belonging to a tiny village rather notorious for calling in false alarms on spirit shenanigans.

Super superstitious little corner of the land of fire, has a real tendency to blow any reports of spirits way out of proportion. They're screaming kitsune at the sight of a regular fox and everyone in the surrounding areas know it.

So they call in a mission from both the Senju and the Uchiha, and due to a stroke of bad luck Izuna and Tobirama have this mission given to them as something like their first 'public' missions. Seperate from currier missions, supply runs or helping patrol their lands, this is them cutting their teeth on a proper solo mission that should be pretty safe -- if the countless previous similar missions to subdue nonexistant yokai from that village are anything to go based off of.

So they bump into eachother and are immediately like "oh FUCK."

After a near scuffle they basically come to the consensus of "I refuse to let my first ever solo mission thats already so beneath my skill level go wrong bc your dumb ass couldnt keep your sword in your sheath." and form a tentative truce that theyre both very sure will last like 3 minutes tops but ends up going? Pretty well? Neither of them want to fight right now, not really. They're miles from home in unfamiliar forests and heavy rain, so if the fight turns ugly unless theyre getting away without much damage (unlikely) theres just as much of a chance that theyll trip into a ditch somewhere and bleed out in the cold than make it back in one piece.

And say what you will, Izuna and Tobirama both are smart enough to see this is a stupid time and place to start a scuffle.

Anyways, spirit time!

I think it'd be funny if there was a bit where Izuna accidentally traps himself into saying he doesnt believe in spirits, and despite knowing hes being stupid, is forced to double down rather than admit he's just saying shit to say shit.

Tobirama scowled. "I doubt there's any real yokai here. People in these small backwater villages are always calling for help dealing with yokai and it always ends up being nothing. The spirits have better things to do than haunt grannies and steal pies." Izuna quietly agreed with him, (a horrifying thought on its own) but his pride refused to let him do so outloud. So instead he found himself opening his mouth to scoff and blurt out— "Hah, You believe in yokai?" Fuck. Why would he say that, that's just asking for bad luck. Red eye's snapped to him, almost comically shocked. It was the most expressive he'd seen the Senju, his usual cool anger wiped off his face and replaced instead with pure disbelief. "You don't?" No, no Izuna definatley did. It was stupid to not believe in yokai, and even stupider to announce your disbelief outloud, that was just asking for a trouble of all sorts of variety. Not to mention the fact that the Uchiha were an especially superstitious clan. Izuna had been raised on stories heavily featuring yokai and the fact that you were to give every one of them, big and small, as much respect as possible. For your own safetys sake. But Izuna refused to take back his words, not to this Senju bastard. Not even with his self preservation in mind. So despite the fact he could feel his face heating with the incredibly stupid lie, he tossed his hair and rolled his eyes "Of course not! I believe in, uhm, science." "Science." Tobirama said flatly. "You." "Psshh, yeah. Have you ever seen a yokai before? I haven't. Thus it must not exist!" Oh god he was going to get eaten in his sleep by a tsukumogami for this. "I've never seen the daimiyo before, does your science mean that mean he's not real either then?" Tobirama snipped, and Izuna doubled down even further. "Maybe not! Yokai, the daimiyo, who's to say if they exist or not! I'll only believe it when I see it with my own two eyes!" "You know what Izuna, maybe you're right." "Wh— I am?" Izuna blinked dumbly at the sudden 180° "Yes, after all, I haven't seen your brain before. Clearly that doesn't exist either." "EXCUSE ME—?!"

To both of their genuine surprise, there is some sort of spirit to be found in these woods!

A floating ball of light that they debate first what it even is, then how they're supposed to take care of it in any way. An actual yokai should be taken care of by some sort of priest or shaman or something, not two teenage shinobis who were more sent to disprove rumors and calm the over-excitable locals, and maybe kill a bandit or two if they happened to be disguising themselves as yokai to steal (something that happens more than you'd think)

So they just kind of stare at it dumbly, then at each other, then back at the light, and I don't know how or why exactly, but for some reason they end up touching the damn thing.

Maybe it overheard Izuna's comments about not believing in yokai and decided to teach them a lesson. That's definitely what Tobirama is going to be very loudly blaming their misfortune on for the rest of this adventure.

And as it turns out, this little ball of light is no simple speck but apparently an interdimensional ball of light. Because when it touches the boys, they're officially launched into their ✨besties road trip of doom ✨

Launched into the multiverse at the speed of light! Slingshoted into the time stream and back out again! Evicted from their plane of reality and into the next!

The whole adventure is basically them chasing after this little ball of light, which seems to fade in and out of existence and can only interact with / be touched by the boys. Whenever they touch it they get launched into a new time or dimension, and they can only hope that eventually they'll be slung back into their own.

They end up visiting all sorts of realities — early Konoha in a world where Izuna died; another Konoha where Tobirama died instead; Konoha in Kakashi's time where they definitely freak the fuck out of the entirety of Konoha's political circles when they just sort of appear in the middle of what looks like a clan head meeting; Maybe an omegaverse just for the comedy aspect; That one really climatic battle with Madara; A genderbent universe where neither of them die and Konoha has to deal with toxic lesbian madatobi (this one sends both of them into epileptic shock get them OUT OF HERE); A modern AU that caught them very off guard and left them very confused; An incredibly traumatic visit to the night of the Uchiha Massacre; A world where there is no war between their clans, where all their sibling are alive, which leaves them feeling things and having thoughts; Etc.

Some of the worlds they visit are directly connected, with them literally time traveling in a single world. Others are completley disconnected worlds. Some of the worlds have super obvious, immediately noticeable differences and some are impossible to tell apart.

I think theres a bit where, in the worlds where Izuna dies and Madara looses it, Tobirama calls him Izuna's "psycho brother." Then they visit a world where Tobirama died instead and Hashirama somehow managed to lose it to an even greater and more terrifying degree than Madara ever did and now Izuna gets to rub the "psycho brother" label back in Tobirama's face (they are both terrified.)

There's more than one very tense scene with Madara, having lost his Izuna, maybe losing it a teensy bit when he sees our dimension hopping baby Izu. But his twitches and clear consideration at stealing Izuna away do NOT compare to the absolute freak out evil!Hashi goes through when he sees his own baby Tobirama, that whole chunk of the adventure gets ugly.

A big thing about this adventure is that in seeing all of the different worlds out there; All the different potential endings, good and bad, Izuna and Tobirama do not know what ending their world has in store for them. There is no moment where they learn Izuna dies and Madara looses it and resolve to just not kill Izuna or anything like that.

They are their own people, and their choices are still theirs to make. Their futures are still being molded, each step that they take. There is no clear "right step" to get that one world they might see as the "good ending"

They end their adventure, laying on the floor of the forest, almost instantly drenched in the rain. Not a single second has passed in this world, for all that they are both now months older than they should be. The ball of light they'd chased through world after world blinking at them one last time as if saying good riddance before disappearing.

They're . . . well, they're friends now. No matter how much they may deny it out loud. They've been through too much, seen too much, now know too much not to be.

The story ends on them deciding to share the walk home, lingering on the themes of their futures being their own to shape. Every choice matters, every bond they make — starting with this one, right here, right now — enough to change the world itself.

Fic idea;

"Tobirama and Izuna's super spectacular BFF road trip through time and space"

In which a vuagley 14/15ish Tobirama and Izuna bump into eachother on unrelated missions and get hurled through time and space, visiting multiple (sometimes connected sometimes not) events in time, alternate universes and more ✨️

And just ruining so many peoples days along the way, like, so many.

For Reasons(tm) they agree to stick together and instill a temporary truce as they stumble along this (road trip from hell) super spectacular amazing besties field trip.

Like I need you to imagine the Uchiha / Senju feud but also they're like 14, Izuna is yelling about them being ultimate rivals, Tobirama is done with everyone's shit, and they're very quickly moving past genuine attempts on eachothers lives into slap fighting territory. Also like 8 times out of 10 when they bump into any version of an older Madara he makes eye contact with Izuna and almost immediatley has different flavors of the same mental breakdown and Izuna is kind of concerned and kind of terrified and ahahah wow this is awkward but I kind of need to go now

At first they're trying to take it seriously but after the 3rd or 4th time of running into the same fucking scene in a slightly different universe they're kind of just speed running their way to the next time and or universe (in the hopes that it will be their original one) and throwing subtlety out the window

Like they COULD be careful not to disturb things and potentially upset the balance of time but they sort of already fucked that up. Uhh. Like 3 times now actually. And there weren't really any consequences and look they're really tired so how about they just kick in the door and take this round by storm yk