#funny how i was like no i can't tag the nets here... and then i went and tagged all my mutuals

[leesangy]

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

Hello my maggots (especially the tumblr maggots whom I haven't seen on Discord recently), I've missed you so much and I'm sorry I haven't been posting the past few days.

It appears I used up all my XP in being a Funny Little Guy and left none for health (I'm not a gamer. I don't know why I tried that joke. The most experience I have with XP is learning Italian on Duolingo).

And I'll probably be taking a break for a few days more. Why?

Well, no, unfortunately, not love.

It's that stupid motherfucker, Tommy the Haematoma of my ankle.

But Asmi, you ask, didn't you fall down the stairs more than a month ago?

Why yes, yes I did. And out of that, two weeks were spent in bedrest/floorrest/whatever you call not being allowed to walk at all.

But thanks to the wonders of our Lord and Saviour Bildaddy, I am now resigned to two more weeks of bedrest.

WELL FUCK YOU TOO, BILDADDY. TO THINK I USED TO HAVE FAITH IN YOU.

But yes. A bloody fracture would have healed sooner than this. But no no no not Tommy and his buddies called weakened and swollen ligaments and heightened nerve sensation (not as catchy as Tommy, are they?) who are here to overstay their welcome like a couple of Indian aunties dropping in during festival time to gossip.

Now, I'm not someone who exercises, okay. Au contraire. I'm more sedentary than the coins that Crowley superglues to pavements.

But I did like being able to at least walk around my room to pick up my art supplies. Or go to the kitchen for a snack without maneuvering a cane (Kaz Brekker era coming up for realsies) (but less sexy and more legless chicken style). I also now can't really go outside unless I'm staying in the car. The car hurts, too. So I have only attempted that once. All hail.

So that is how I have come to be resigned to spending two more weeks (after already spending two) in bedrest and pain during the month before my birthday in the year 2024 of our Lord and Saviour Bastard and Damner Bildaddy.

It does tend to lower morale a bit. And I'm kind of active on the Discord server (I need to be, because otherwise my social interaction comes to a grand net total of 0) (just like the number of times Crowley and Aziraphale talked after Season 2) (ahaha sorry).

But being on Tumblr I feel like I should be making posts and I start getting stressy about notes even though I know I shouldn't. And thus my absence the past few days, and probably for a few days more.

C'est la vie. So it is farewell for now (I say dramatically about a few days break).

But don't worry my maggoty loves, I shall return with chaos. As usual. And I'll still be on Discord unless the pain gets really bad. I love love love love love you so much.

At the end of 2023 I wished so bad that I wouldn't be alone anymore and now I'm not. And so neither are any of you. Like that meme said, we're not a fandom, we're a deeply unwell family. Applies both to the Good Omens fandom and to my own. My fans are rather more incestuous, but that's part of our, er, charm.

Sending you all the hugs and forehead kisses and love that you're okay with. I'll see you soon.

Meanwhile, I want you to promise to cause chaos on my behalf. Keep the Good Omens tag trending. Make cursed headcanons. Try not to murder anyone. Byebye, my little maggoty fly larvae.

[damazcuz]

I've only had this account for about 5 years now. But I've been on tumblr for 13 years, since I was 16 and just starting to learn who I was, what transgender meant, what the world looked like at the time for a group I was swiftly realizing included me.

And for 13 years I have consistently used this site and stayed on, occasionally blog hopping when things felt stale or if things got bad. And things got bad sometimes. You'd get people calling you nasty things in your ask or replies or reblogs or tagging your username to sic their followers on you. And tumblr has always treated targeted harassment as a "Sorry you feel that way. That's not against tos though! Was this answer helpful?" issue whenever it's reported. They've never cared against abuse on their website, IN THE EXCEPTION of cases in which radfems and nazis have maliciously mass reported users for MAYBE hitting their breaking points and MAYBE snapping and saying something stupid that could be used as an excuse. Could be something today or four years ago in your archive but at some point, you had a bad day and posted something that could make tumblr say finally, we can get rid of a pest! or you were just transgender and said as much. A little too loudly in front of the wrong mod.

And this sounds so silly to say. But when you live in a website for 13 years and it's where you have your primary interactions with so many people and where you've met so many of your friends! It starts to feel like your community. Like an apartment building we all live in and visit each other's apartments and talk and decorate and laugh and play. And it's a bit of a dump and we all laugh about the crumbling peeling wallpaper and the slumlord that runs the place. We know the landlord isn't our friend, they just want us to pay rent until we're no good for it anymore. Produce the posts that make this site anything more than a hate forum, make the memes and the art and the posts that end up everywhere from your little sister's pinterest to your mom's Facebook to your uncle's meme subreddit. Keep up the garden and don't pile trash on the curb or you're out. This is "the queerest place on the net" only because queer people live here and hung on with our fingernails to stay here because if you have to leave, what's your fallback? You like your neighbors. They can't all come with you. They won't. Even the kind of crumbly parts feel like home after a while.

Like I want to clarify that Tumblr's reputation as a funny place to chill and scroll and meet people and see new things is not from the transphobes working on staff. Their job is to turn a profit or at least keep it LOOKING profitable, so the site can sell to the next moron to buy it out. The fun and joy of Tumblr is us. WE made this place. When you tear down our decorations and rip out our furnishings and toss us out on the street and look at what's left to show the next prospective tenant, it's a fucking dump. There is nothing left but the shittiest people in our neighborhood who are allowed to stay and make hate posts about us. There's the framework for "someone could make pretty posts here! It's a fixer upper!" But it's shit. It sucks.

I've been spiraling since yesterday over a couple of things I'm not taking well. One is work. "They can't fire us all!" I always joke. And people laugh. Last night my boss and I spent an hour and a half in this miserable fucking meeting, talking about the pressure pushing down on our load bearing team. We fantasized over all 8 of us being able to say "that's enough. I'm better than this. We are all walking out today and we will not come back. Don't text." And we can't. None of us can lose the stability of a full time job that pays kind of okay even though it's killing you. None of us can face that uncerainty. I left with chest pain. It was my first day back after major surgery. I went home and sat in one spot for over six hours almost unmoving, crying and just in disbelief of how unfair it is. We can't leave. But something has to give before my team dissolves and one of us puts a gun in their mouth. And then we all still have to make our shift. Who else will do all that? Who's going to cover, huh? Clock in.

And I spent the rest of my day, which ran to 4 am before I was able to sleep, wishing I could quit and hating what's happening on tumblr just as much. On a fucking blogging platform. Because this has been my fun sandbox for over a decade and it's always kind of sucked, it's full of cat shit and people throw sand at you and you're getting sunburned but it's fun here. You find your people to play with. And then it's like you remember oh yeah, other people here want me dead. The owner of this place wants me to die. He wants everyone that makes this place cool and fun to die. And he'll turn around and say "yeeeah well you shouldn't have joked about being mean to me." And it's like why am I here! Why am I making posts for YOU?

I can't leave employment. I'm only a couple of weeks, maybe a couple months away from homelessness at any given time, with how tight finances are. "Shoestring budget" would be generous. We're making it through sheer force of will. But I can't quit my job, and neither can anyone else.

But I can leave this place that I've hated and loved for so, so long. The other massive drain on my life that wants to see me shrivel and die. I can get up and go. We could all just go. Mass exodus. And I know it won't happen. Give it a week, ten days. People move along. Yeah, that sucked. Well, here we all still are. Still posting. Still tumbling. Still complaining about the landlord. But most people won't leave. How can you walk on your friends and community, knowing they won't all follow? But how do you continue to stay here watching this happen? I'm already listening to people tell me "so? that doesn't affect me. it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. and of course this happened, duhhhh." It's like, feel stupid for getting comfortable here. You should feel stupid for settling in and making it a home and thinking it would be fun here. If you are transgender you are not safe and you are not wanted. Not in the queerest place on the web, either.

It's not about the funny hammer car explosion """threat.""" It was never about the hammer car explosion. That was a dogwhistle through a megaphone to transphobes. Tumblr's darlings. Don't worry. I'll take care of this one that thinks she can speak up against me. And against you. And now there's a defined "REASON" for the ban. Why, Matt hardly knew he was banning a trans woman. All he knew was fear! He had no choice! And you can ignore the ACLU and the claims of systemic transphobia, that's something else. We fixed that!

I want this place to die because it is already rotting. We are scraping at the bones at this point. Walls are crumbling and there's a hole in the floor to the room below and the windows have long been knocked out and the boiler hasn't worked in years. They aren't going to fix it. It has never been the intention to fix it. They want you to leave or die. Whichever. Don't matter. Just get lost. I will find another tenant. I will find another person who will give me more ad revenue. You are replaceable in that sense. Someone else will join tumblr tomorrow. And tumblr will make a buck off them instead.

But they cannot replace the ways in which you and I have made this site livable and bearable and fun. And I want us to leave so that the husk of this place can collapse and blow away in the wind. I want tumblr to take a major hit and I want the loss of ad revenue to HURT THEM. I want a mad scramble to figure out how to fix it all. They can't. They won't. The fix has always been there and it's always been refused. Terfs will never be turned away from tumblr. Neither will nazis. "Sorry you feel that way, but that's not against our tos. Was this answer helpful?"

You know how they say, "it there are ten people at a table and one is a nazi and no one stands up, you have ten nazis"? This feels like that to me. If 20,000 of us wait a week, shrug, and resume joking and playing and say, well, yeah, it's sad that another dozen trans fems were banned last night. But I like it here...

It feels like that. Why are my trans sisters' archives of 5, 10+ years of life and joy being wiped clean? I can't even tell you how many posts I've seen from an op whose url I recognize from last week, but whose username is grey and icon default, because she posted something less than a day ago to say "yo this sucks. Fuck this place and fuck this guy." They've never ever found the terfs and nazis to ban them because they DON'T CARE. Those are the ones they prefer. That they cater to. Post about the ceo being a dumbfuck and in 12 hours, risk losing your community and the ability to look back at your life online. Clean slate. As if you never lived there. Oh, but tumblr isn't a transphobic place. We fired the one and only naughty transphobe on staff who was taking bribes to send out bans. Pay to win moderation. That person's gone. So it's okay and you don't need to worry. It's okay, I promise. It's the queerest place on the web. Get comfortable.

I love my job and I love this place. One of them is going to push me to the edge. But I can choose to leave one. You can choose to leave with me. They can't fire us all.

[girls-are-weird]

MASTER LIST: One Fic for Each Fandom [J-Z]

continued from this post. please read that one first for a detailed explanation of how this list came about and just why in the seven hells i've spent so many (many, MANY) hours of my life compiling it.

back in the day, i had hoped this format could catch on as a meme type of thing, so that other people could take it as a template and make their own fandom recs lists. so i'd love to see yours! be sure to tag me if you decide to do this. :)

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[ FANDOMS J-Z BELOW, A-I HERE ]

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JOAN OF ARCADIA

after an afternoon, by angelgazing.

joan doesn't get it.

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JONNY QUEST: TRA

jealousy (and sequels!), by debbie kluge.

the story that started it all. a new acquaintance causes jonny quest and jessie bannon to re-evaluate their relationship.

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LITTLE WOMEN / PLUMFIELD SERIES

and i didn't like the ending, by readdyfreddie (M).

as soon as the post box came into view, she saw him there, reading the letter. and then, as if sensing her presence, he looked up, and jo knew nothing would ever be the same again.

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NARUTO

on the symbiotic relationship, by hundredacresky (M).

somehow they ended up doing everything backwards.

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NEON GENESIS EVANGELION

a glass of wine rebuilt, by toasterman.

shinji and asuka learn about themselves and fall in love, causing massive ramifications. a remake of the late 94saturn's quintessential shinjixasuka story, it is part tribute and part experiment, taking the structure and plot of the original wacky shipping story while attempting to maintain series-true characterization.

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PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS/RIORDANVERSE

if you need, come build your home in me (and side stories!) by yrbeecharmer / @yrbeecharmer (T).

even though the world keeps falling down around him, will solace can't seem to help but keep growing up.

(a series rewrite starting with the events of titan's curse)

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PITCH PERFECT

hooking up with jesse by catswandsandwalkers / @catswandsandwalkers (M).

when aubrey said to beca, "your attitude sucks, you're a grade-A pain in my ass, and i know you're hooking up with jesse," she was actually correct. slightly AU where jesse and beca are secretly friends with benefits throughout the movie. follows canon otherwise.

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POKEMON

destiny, by nova.

carla says: this is a fic i read a long time ago, loved, and then lost track of. the plot is rather similar to the plot of the… second? third? movie (the lugia one!), but it was written pre-movie and the author takes it a whole different way. the characters are grown up and more mature (errrr… except gary and jazelle, maybe), and the story's AU (they all have different backgrounds) but it's very good, filled with action and adrenaline, and even some funny and romantic moments. good read. sadly, now i can't find it anywhere else in the 'net so i wonder if it's been finished since then. if anyone knows, please tell me.

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THE PRINCESS DIARIES

me and you (is my refrain), by naladot / @naladot (T).

when he finally gets to the restaurant to meet his friends for a birthday dinner, the television mounted to the wall has the news on, and there’s mia disembarking from her plane, waving to the press with a practiced smile. he hasn’t seen her in five years—no, it’s got to be six, now—but he can still read the exhaustion written across her picture-perfect face.

years later, michael reunites with the love of his life. future-fic for first movie canon.

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PSYCH

against all odds (take a look at me now) by shuuuliet (G).

ever since they broke up, shawn and juliet have done their best to keep their distance from one another. but now, one of their old cases has been blown wide open. a criminal that evaded arrest is back…and he’s targeting them specifically. can they make it out of this case alive? and can they find their way back to each other along the way?

(set during season 7, a few weeks after "deez nups".)

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PSYCHO-PASS

beasts of all kinds by aroguegambit17 (E).

wolf and shepherd are ancient enemies, opposed in nature and design. a wolf breaks into folds a shepherd guards; a shepherd is duty-bound to fight and perhaps kill a wolf for what the beast cannot help but do to survive. but what is a shepherd without sheep, a wolf without a pack?

free, of course. what a terrifying proposition.

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RANMA 1/2

ranma .05, by darren demaine.

carla says: ranma smut, and believable at that. lots and lots of story before the sex, so it's not plotless at all. and the characters are very in-character-- and that's a lot to say if he can have ranma and akane sleep together and still be in-character!

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RUROUNI KENSHIN

christmas and chaos, by nooziewoozie (M).

his shirt opened down his front, showing golden skin like some kind of blue-collar wet dream come to life—he was brown even in the middle of winter and he smelled like motor oil and had hair that spiked out from his head, bushy and unruly and ridiculous. he radiated heat. some idiot part of her hindbrain wanted to soak it up. -megumi, sano; family, christmas, and sex on couches.

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SAILOR MOON

adventures of the chibi-scouts, by "tuxedo" will wolfshohl.

many wish to be young again but how will the girls handle it when they get that wish?

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SAINT SEIYA

la batalla de los doce tresors (aka el MEGAFIC), by marijose diaz.

carla says: sorry that it's in spanish, guys, but it really is THE best saint seiya fic EVER. written pre-hades saga, but they fight against hades-- just in a completely different way. the cycle has ended, and it's time for athena to die. only hades doesn't want to let her, and it's time for the saints to… save her? so she can die? i LOVE this fic. seriously, i've read it a thousand times, and that's a lot to say because it's HUGE! (it's not called the MEGAfic for nothing!). she manages to put in most of my favorite couples, which is quite rare, and well-- i was reading it a while back and this was actually what made me start this whole list. lol.

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SAMURAI CHAMPLOO

nenju, by 3jane.

where do happiness and ever after intersect? post series, complete. fuumugenjin.

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SEX EDUCATION

these are the days of their lives by howardtduck48 (M).

maeve wiley deserves to be happy. if only she can give someone a chance to explain.

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SHADOWHUNTER CHRONICLES

i know you wanna go higher by orphan_account (M).

the first thing simon lewis saw when he arrived idris high school was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. however, he later discovered that if he wanted to date her, he would need to get a date for his grumpy brother, alec. and that's where magnus bane appears.

the 10 things i hate about you AU that every fandom needs. simon is new and pining for isabelle, and then he has the worst idea of his life. somehow, things work out. kind of.

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SHAMAN KING

hygge, by fruitysmell / @fruitysmellz (G).

hygge. a danish word used for a special feeling of coziness and contentment, whether with friends or alone and at home or out.

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SKY HIGH (2005)

the language of flowers by evergreeen / @everrgrreeen (T).

“i think he deserves to sweat about it for a while,” magenta said, reclining back in her chair. “maybe if he thinks that another guy is interested in you, he’ll come to his senses and see what’s right in front of him.”

layla’s head snapped up to look at her shapeshifting friend.

“magenta, that’s it!”

“what’s it?”

“i’m going to make will jealous… by pretending to date warren peace.”

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THE SOCIETY

you don't scare me anymore by misschatelle / @misschatelle (M).

chief holbrook calmly held her glare for a few seconds. “do you mean to say that you have no memories of the past eight months?”

allie shrugged. “maybe it was all a dream.”

“can you tell me what happened in that dream?”

“why does it matter now?”

“because some of you never returned. and we’d like to understand why. We have parents who, for a second, were given hope, only for that to get brutally taken away. they’ve seen all the other families reunite with their lost children, and they didn’t get to do that. they want answers, and i don’t have them. i’m hoping you can help me.”

(four teenagers never made it back to west ham. emily warner. cassandra pressman. greg dewey. campbell eliot.)

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STRANGER THINGS

be brave and kiss the girl by fatechica / @fatechica (T).

el hopper: beautiful, sweet, and instantly one of the most popular girls in the hawkins’ high junior class when she moves there after her dad takes the job of police chief for the small town. mike wheeler: king of the nerds, A/V club president, and completely invisible to girls.

naturally, mike notices the new girl - how can he not when she’s the most beautiful girl he's ever seen in his entire short life? but she’s so far out of his league, it’s not even worth dreaming about. so it’s completely and utterly confusing to him when el takes a lot more than a polite interest in him.

el, for her part, is instantly smitten with the cute nerd with gorgeous eyes, adorable freckles, and the most beautiful smile she’s ever seen. no one understands when she decides to pursue him, especially not the popular kids, but it’s harder than she bargained for to get mike to trust her, to let her into his heart. guess it’s a good thing she’s as persistent as she is popular, isn’t it?

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TANGLED

her everything by fabulist / @thatfabulist (M).

being the part-time boyfriend, part-time babysitter of the princess isn't all it's cracked up to be, but eugene fitzherbert is up for the challenge. besides, he loves her. now rated M for extra sauciness.

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VERONICA MARS

the orion protocol by annie174 (M).

in the immediate aftermath of the final bomb, veronica finds out things are not as they appear. a fix-it for the veronica mars season 4 final. spoilers for season 4.

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X-MEN

kissing friends, by pirate turner (PG).

friends surprise each other under the mistletoe. kurtty.

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X-MEN: EVOLUTION

playing with fire, by taekwondodo (M).

kurt (nightcrawler) and kitty (shadowcat) managed to get things worked out between them - mostly - but things have taken a decided turn for the worse and are only going to go downhill from here.

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YOUNG ROYALS

and each slow dusk, by loyaulte_me_lie / @if-fortunate (M).

“he wishes for a time machine to turn back the clock, back to a world where his mother wasn’t on the end of the phone, saying grimly, “wilhelm, you need to come home. it’s starting.””

two months after wille’s arrival at hillerska, war breaks out. when his and erik's last-ditch attempt to leave the country goes badly wrong, he ends up stuck in bjarstad - with simon.

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[ FANDOMS A-I HERE ]

[rachiecrown]

I'm awake again and I'm here to read hgcz for like 30 minutes before I have stuff to do lets go

"Favorite food: Spiders (the drink)" idk why that's so funny to me

MUTATION LACTOSE INTOLERANCE!?! SO THATS WHY SHES SO MAD

New comic!! WAOH IMPULSE WOOOAH

YEAHHH FIGHT SCENEwair CUTEGUY NOO babygirl speak to me what HAPPENED IS THAT SCULK

The trickery.. augh ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT TEAMMATES WERE TESTED ON

oh that's what you mean.

LMAO "BONK"

HELLOOOO PAGE 220 LOOKS SO COOL THE MULTIPLE FRAMES IN ONE IS AWESOME

Aww HG and CG scene WAIITTT WHATS WITH THAT LAST PANELLLL NOOO YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO MEEEE

The BUUUUG

Going to mumblr now, The trending tags are so funny omg. Martyn spotted

MUMBO SPOTTED

NPG SPOTTED!?!?

Return of the very much real discourse on X M I mean M

Ohhh people are mad at HG... That bug is definitely at fault it has to be

OOO ANOTHER COMIC this is gonna be tasty to see how HG acts

Shooting the elevator? Ohh the stairs

Wait Pearl and Gem?? They're good now? Unless they're lookalikes and I'm stupid

YEAH HE IS SO SCULKED HE IS SOOO SCULKED

Oh my god he yaps more than I do

THE NET ARROW

Birdie mention neurons activated x2

ALSO "my Cuteguy" HELLOOO

NEURONS ARE ACTIVATING

Wait they're actually so cute

WAIT WHAT'S HAPPENING

IMPULSE SOUP GROUP SO THEYRE EVIL AFTER ALL

NOOO WHAT DO YOU MEAN KILL CUTEGUY. I HAVE TO STOP READING CAUSE I GOTTA DO SOMETHING BUT. OH MY GODDDD THE PLOT TWISTS I AM IN PAIN whAAUAUU

ILL BE BACK TRUST ME OH MY GOD IM SO EXCITED

[seethesunny]

Hi, lovely! Here’s some for the ask game. 🍓🥤🌻🪐

Hi friend, happy Saturday 🤲🏼❤ thank u lots for the ask! I always get bored haha

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

This is funny because I've always been a creative kid, so I would create my own stories inside my head and they eventually turned into some of the shows/books I liked- sometimes a mixture- and at the time I didn’t know that was called fanfiction! I have the vivid memory of snatching my mom's lavender Nokia cellphone to write in a notes app, that happened until I fell into the role-playing world for years and that only cemented my love for it, I fully got into writing seriously around five years since that but never posted, it was for that same group of friends only. So that's my backstory! I had given up on it for a number of reasons but I'm back in the fanfiction pit lol

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Since I've been a tessjoel girlie from the beginning I'm pulling some of the hidden gems on FF dot net that some new fans may not know! These are all videogame tlou.

Starting with one of my favorite fics EVER (it is a habit to reread it monthly) written by Raff who is a legend and was a pioneer for them. This is an au that's technically canon compliant for the tone, a very straight-forward summary: Ellie is Tess and Joel's daughter, this is the little glimpses of how they raise her in the QZ:

@kokureno and I gush over this particular fic nonstop, college au with romcom elements, what's not to love?

This one is a curious case because while I read it previously, my mind was blown away when I finally read Dirt (also recommend it) then came back to it. Tess and Joel share a vulnerable moment and Tess realizes there is more to him than what she thought, pretty spot on character analysis:

This one is a Tess lives au AND a babyfic, and you know how hard it used to be to find babyfics for them specifically? Aside from signs (originally from FFnet), I wasn't that lucky and this was a blessing:

Someone said missing scene fic about a very necessary topic aka Joel and Ellie bringing up Tess during their journey? The old man HAS feelings??? Anyway, this is 100% canon to me:

This one is for those who are fans of Tess’s backstory in the old tlou storyline where she was the main antagonist/villain, which means she had a brother who was killed; in my heart this will always be her OG origin story honestly. Plus, Joel also opens up about his own loss:

Don't you love it when there's a recurring theme in your fic???? Tess and Joel's lives when they're running out of time, Tommy appears too, canon compliant:

Okay this one is on AO3 too, I get that, however I first found it here and anyway it has now been buried so! I'm showing it again. Tess's centered fic were a rarity so I know this one like the back of my hand, the most juicy gritty QZ life angst, it's also an origin story about her AND a character study, go wild:

Another one on AO3, but hear me out this IS them at their true core and a required reading for everyone to understand them and their dynamic perfectly, it's pretty sad and there's not much comfort but that's why it's so good. Also, the queen herself (amb) wrote it and this is my special dedication to her bc she cemented this Fandom alongside Raff and she's the best at pulling our heartstrings:

Those are some of my favs. I can't include every single one cause it would take me ages but there are so many more there that are worth a read. If you love them most at their ambiguous nature, the early fics filled the void and nurtured the mind.

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis

A really talented artist around here who's outstanding at what she does, ily chica @betweentwoceremonials

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

Last year I had an awful infection and it took me a while to get rid of it, but I did some medical analysis a few weeks ago and now I'm fine 🥳

This spot is for the people I love and love me in return, I never take it for granted!

Not to get too pessimistic bc I try to keep it light but I never thought I would reach my 20s and yet- I'm still here, and I'm proud of myself for it

[squishyteri]

Which Thai QL Actor Is Your Teen Self's Fantasy Valentine?

So I've been tagged into this by Dante (@tbhimnoteasyonmyself) (Thank you!) and just as I always do, I'm posting this late 😂

So when I was thinking, which of my boys it's gonna be, I realized I may be having a type. That being mysteriously and cool looking guy who is actually a goofball/fluffball.

And I think for my past self, the winner would be Max Nattapol.

He was my first ever Thai actor crush and even though I wasn't a teen when that happened (I was freshly 20), I think my teen self would love him.

And I still love him until now, he's probably my favorite actor out there.

If I was gonna pick someone recent, that I didn't know back when I was 20, watching my first BLs, then I would say Neo Trai.

I'm crazy about him now, just as I was crazy about Max when I watched Together With Me for the first time (such a nostalgia here!). And I'm pretty sure my teen self would scream over this guy to her friends all the time. (I mean, present me definitely does that).

It's fair to add some honorable mentions aka if there was no Neo and Max, it would be you.

Boun Noppanut, Net Siraphop, Nodt Nutthasid, Nut Supanut.

Same hot dudes, same goofballs! Nothing more to say!

Nut is a a little exception I guess, he's not the typical hot buff dude, but he's definitely a goofball/fluffball (and he's still hot too). And you know, there gotta be that one exception that confirms the rule. (And I love Nut sm, like I would do anything for that guy, just name it, buddy, and my teen self can't complain, I'm forcing this one on her).

(I just realized how brilliantly I lined those names, Net Nodt Nut, read it out loud, sounds so funny yet pleasing hehe)

Valentine's over, so I ain't tagging anyone, but if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged 😊

[swearingcactus]

OC playlist meme

i was tagged by @civilization-illstayrighthere for an OC playlist meme, thank you so much! gonna follow the cool kids and post a wip/fic excerpt along the songs :^)

What do I gotta do? I'm standing on the edge with you, thinking, "Don't look down"

despite the johnny chapter in the pick me up fic being titled after Miracle Aligner, and a line there that's clearly referencing Alien Blues, this song's the one that i think describes the don't fear the reaper ending because of v's dilemma (what do i gotta do) and how johnny and v are right at 'the edge' together.

Who are we, brothers, here mourning? Where, o where is quiet Johnny? Quiet Johnny can't be saved Where, o where is quiet Johnny? Quiet Johnny, quiet grave

Ignoring that Johnny is NOT quiet, this was a vibe and a half for this wip of a horror take on night city that v listens as kerry narrates. i always like the way that cyberpunk despite their facade as cyber and punk, has a very folklore-ish story. there's a lot of scenes like when you meet alt in the net that feels mythical, you're trying to beat a 'curse', you're selling your soul to devils, you're reaping what you sow, there's whole side missions with summoning AIs from the dark web and pentagrams on the floor. also johnny's grave being in bumfuck nowhere prolly fucked him up and as consequence fucked v up too.

I'm just an animal looking for a home Share the same space for a minute or two And you love me till my heart stops Love me till I'm dead

this song is my take on how v just goes through life. there's something about him being a really desperate animal trying to survive but also being ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about his whole situation that he decided to go the 'fuck it we ball' route for his last few months that's really funny. probably why i like putting him in increasingly ridiculous situations.

last one for a bonus!

You need a six-foot-two bespectacled motherfucker who won't suffer no fool He's a big bad dog from the BBC And he won't break eye contact with a nazi!

this is seriously how i view johnny and v slowly getting closer and then deciding to have each others back because they realize the world's absolutely fucked and way worse than them combined. the whole "you're in charge, you can do it!" thing is just johnny hyping v up during the dont fear the reaper ending and you can't change my mind. it is my great wish that one day i'll manage to make the animatic so other people can see what i'm seeing in my head.

tagging: @glitchinginthegarden @another-corpo-rat @killyourrdarlingss @toshkakoshka @kbysh-kds @bitchofedensgate @cranky-kyrati and anyone else who'd like to join! (no pressure if you wanna skip!)

[masterabating]

see you raise a great point in the tags because you're absolutely right and i am so glad i get to bitch about this now because i have more beef with the ALP system than with anyone i've ever met online

i don't want to be stuck in a fucking box. i am sick and fucking tired of not being allowed to make my own decisions because i said i needed help once. i was stuck in an abusive relationship for years because i set up an assisted living provision situation with someone i thought i could trust and then when it went bad i couldn't get out. if i can't own my own fucking house or self-determine my own fucking needs and decisions then i'd rather do it myself.

but. it's still fucking better than nothing. it still has that rock foundation of giving a shit that fucking saves lives. and i can admit this one here even though i'd be dragged to hell and back on the forums where i have to go out and tell (man we need a fucking word for guys online that isn't clowns. bozos maybe? let's go with bozos) utter fucking bozos that no, actually, our social support systems have huge issues and i'm not just going to shut up and be grateful to have some weirdo in a suit get shit off of high shelves for me. i shouldn't have to pick between my autonomy and the shit i need to live a decent fucking life. my whole life shouldn't have gotten fucked up by one decision i made when i was a teen. frankly i think the government here has enough problems and so little intent to change that sometimes it feels impossible to fix in the same way your shit does, and that scares the living shit out of me. but the whole reason that i get to complain that a good thing has flaws is because i've got a good thing. that's gotta fucking count for something if the conversation is going where it is.

you get one pass on calling me a weakling because you're a funny piece of shit and i'm making a point here. disabled people work harder than anyone i've ever met in my fucking life. half the people on the streets protesting and getting shit done are disabled workers. like what, you lose an arm doing your job and suddenly it's "lmao get good, go fuck yourself"? fuck off with that noise. you know how hard it fucking was to teach myself the fucking law and learn to stand up to cops so i could self-advocate? i was depressed as hell for like two years after i got out, man, there's no way i would have gotten my shit together if i had to fucking do everything myself. safety nets are there because sometimes people need them, man. if you can't deal with life yet you should get to fucking learn to.

everyone gets looked after here. how much support i need has no fucking bearing on how much respect i get. if you look at someone on assisted living and you think they're not dealing with their life because they aren't working themself to death trying to pour themself some goddamned cereal, that's your problem. it ain't my fucking fault or anyone's fucking business how many steps i can take in a day, i'm still competent and i still get to make my own fucking calls. they don't hand out fucking brownie points for having a hard time, you know. you think anyone gives a shit if you try to do basic shit and you can't and then you break down crying on the floor and then you can't fucking get off the floor because the universe is a bitch with a mean sense of humor?

if you answered "yeah, actually, that's what social support programs are for", then ding ding ding, we have a winner

so yeah like if you're also disabled and you're dealing with some internalized shit, that's fine, i get it, i've fucking been there. who hasn't said some dumb mean shit online to other people who also have your problems? i'm not here to step on you and your whole shit or any of your opinions. that's your business. but if you say that shit to me again it's not gonna fly

@artificeutility

assisted living is a social program that supports people who need help managing life. usually that's because of a mental or physical disability that obstructs you in daily tasks to the degree that you can't complete them or you would be forced to constantly expend your internal or external resources in such a way that your quality of life becomes unacceptably low. those aren't the only reasons you might need support, but there are other programs for people with other problems

the most basic sort of support is just getting stuff that you need to function. medication, assistive devices, regular check-ins from a specialist, therapeutic and medical support, that sort of thing. it's individual. then there's the social level of support, both predictive and symptomatic. like you might have the system take care of stuff that it helps not to have to worry about, shit like having groceries or prepared meals delivered to you, or you might have something set up to do your dishes. you might get a support animal for disability aid or anxiety or ptsd.

and then the assisted living provision is for complex cases that require constant care or nuanced support. one type has you working with medical professionals or subords, and the other pairs you up with someone who lives with you, legally advocates for you, and makes sure your needs are met. they have to be trained to get a license to look after someone. if you have a complex case or there isn't someone who has that specialty available, you might meet with a bunch of students and see if you match up well. and then they'll go for that field of study so they can pair up with you once they're clear.

it's one of a lot of things. i know people with depression sometimes join a transport service that brings you on outings, either alone or in groups. people do wellness checks and if stuff is trending towards a place you don't want to be in, you might get sent books that are predicted to help or get offered invitations to a yoga group or something. i think there's like a subord sector that does nothing but engineer apparent coincidences to reassure people who are having a hard time. i've lived my whole life in a wheelchair, man, and i've been in the ALP system pretty much since i finished school. people get taken care of.

it doesn't have to be like it is where you are.

[eph-em-era]

i just saw a post of someone on here calling ao3 "the racist website" as if we didn't have all of 2020 going on with people accusing tumblr of suppressing poc voices and allowing alt-right stuff to flourish (which it still does). like if you (not YOU you but yknow people) have issues with the way ao3 does something or the problems with the userbase, that's totally valid but uh. i got some news for you about tumblr.

like it's just so funny to me as someone who isn't big into fanfic either way see these anti-ao3 people just.... not understand how a FREE website works and complain about the horrible userbase on tumblr.com, the website where people have literal discourse over whether or not it should be okay to harass others for certain harmless interests, police people's sexual and gender identities, and routinely talk over poc. like i just can't wrap my head around vehemently hating ao3 and then coming to tumblr daily. it's so funny.

like literally lmao

tumblr said they banned porn in 2017 but i guarantee with two clicks you can find explicit stuff

ive been minding my own in completely unrelated tumblr tags and stumbled upon explicit misogyny and racism that's been fetishised, as well as gore and pro-ana stuff because tumblr tags are so shitty

"ao3 hosts CP" - if you define CP as underage dsmp fanfiction - which personally, I don't - then tumblr sure as fuck does too

like it's hypocritical as fuck to whinge about ao3 and then come back to tunglr dot net

ao3 is the very best of what we've got in regards to fic websites.

[o-wyrmlight]

1, 2, 5, 7, 11, 21, 22, 30

Feel free to take some off if I'm doing too many at once

1. Which of your fics would you keep the basic plot of but rewrite completely?

Honestly, I almost did re-write an old Kirby fanfic of mine from scratch. It's not on my AO3 at all--I initially wrote it on Fanfiction-dot-net when I was in Middle School and High School--but I didn't really have a solid framework for how the plot for it would develop. I got some ideas a year or two ago and was working on plotting out a whole re-write for it (the basic premise being 'Meta Knight crashes in Dreamland instead of Kirby), but it never really got horribly far. (And yes. It was very strongly inspired by another fanfic called Warrior of the Stars. It was a very good read, until I stopped reading it. It was fantastic.)

2. Anything that you'd like to write but feel like you're unable to?

I want to write absolute and pure softness. Fluff, cuddles, warmth, hot chocolate--but I'm just not good at it. It doesn't settle right with me, writing soft things. I'm a lot more comfortable with writing angst. And it honestly does make me kind of sad.

5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

I don't??? Know??? Tagging is very important for other people to know what stories that they'd want to avoid or what to expect. I can't think of anything that I wouldn't want to tag even if it did apply for that reason. If anything, I probably over-tag. And a reason why some of my stories might not have some tags is because I don't know if it's pertinent enough for the tags to apply, you know?

7. Your favourite ao3 tag.

I don't know, dude--I just Vibe in AO3 for the most part. I don't really filter by tags, unless I'm just looking for stories by characters or pairings.

I do think that the 'No beta--we die like [insert fandom-related joke here]' tag is funny, though!

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated

Answered!

21. Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what's your secret?

HAHAHA. No, sweet summer child. My first Cookie Run fanfic that I made was meant to be a drabble. A drabble! Yet now it stands at 4.77k words! My Hollow Knight fanfic Mellow in Softness? I meant for that dumb Wyrm to leave the fucking Abyss in chapter 2 or 3, but no, he just had to be a sad, mopey little shit. My old Kirby fanfic? Don't remember the specifics, but it was on average 17 Microsoft Word pages. Sometimes 27. I was a writing maniac when I was in Middle School.

22. What is it about watching the same two idiots falling in love over and over again?

It's the longing. It's the pining. It's the dynamics between the two characters shifting just so in each alternate universe or story and watching as it develops in its own colorful, floral ways. It's reading them and watching their chemistry together unfold. It's the inevitable knowledge that--whatever may happen to these stupid, precious, lovable idiots--they'll at the very least experience those happenings together.

It's just nice.

30. Describe a fic that almost happened, but then it didn't.

A plot summary of yet another Team Fortress 2 fanfic that I wanted to work on but ended up never doing (Note: Mention of abuse and cyborgfication):

'Dell came from an abusive home with an abusive father who was obsessed with the idea of becoming and making his son a cyborg. When Dell gets word that his dad was released from prison on good behavior, he grows paranoid and frightened that he'll find his way to the base and finish the job that he started years and years ago. Title: The House of Violence'

It was meant to sort of explore PTSD and also the stress of being put suddenly in a dangerous situation that you didn't know what exactly to expect from. I guess that sort of goes without saying. I sort of mulled over the story for a bit but pretty much all of the details are pretty much forgotten.

[stardustedknuckles]

Can I ask what the problem with Jaws is? I saw you mentioned it in the tags of the ask about antis and was curious. Granted I haven't seen the movie so I don't know much about it.

Oh there's nothing wrong with Jaws itself in this context. I've been on the internet long enough that like. you see a lot of the same arguments come through over and over, right. The Jaws argument was actually what kept me on the side of antis for a while. They point to it as an example of the way fiction affects reality as a biiiig gotcha. "You can't say fiction doesn't affect reality when shark deaths went up after Jaws!"

Me, 22 and still growing (nice way to say dumb as shit): ah yes this makes sense, it is good to take responsibility for what we write and some things should not be published or condoned.

....like I said, it makes its own sense in a vacuum but completely ignores nuance. Which is kinda a hallmark of antis. There is no nuance. Stuff is good or it's bad and if you like something they consider bad then you're bad.

It's kind of funny how wide that net is though - it's not like antis agree with each other. I made a post a few days ago about the person with the huge DNI (do not interact) list that was like "don't follow if you support bestiality (and yes that includes catradora)" and like. the funniest part was scrolling for three seconds and finding all the posts about how much they love venom.

That's what happens when you judge people's works based on your own morality and assume that set of rules you follow is universal. It would be hilarious except it's become such a big thing that conservatives are pointing to this sort of thing as evidence the internet should be censored/family friendly. FOSTA/SESTA killed tumblr as we knew it and that criminalizing of explicit material is what got us here. The thing is that every anti believes they are the final arbiter of what is and isn't ideologically pure in fiction and on some big things they agree - whoever writes or draws anything to harm a kid should be doxxed and harrassed to the point of serious harm or worse because to them it's the same thing as actually endorsing harm to a real child.

The art didn't hurt anyone. But the antis sure did.

Anyway off topic a bit, but that's why I brought up Jaws. It was a big argument for their side for a long time, a counter to the completely true and normal assertion that fiction and reality are separate. They'd point to Jaws immediately, or horror movies that demonize mental illness etc. The harm those projects do to the public consciousness is not on the work itself - though it is disheartening when people given great reach use it to punch down - but on the fact that it reinforces or creates a bias and exploits it for its own story and people do not bother to check what message they may have received from the work. It isn't a writer's job to babysit the morality or critical thinking ability of their reader base, and as shitty as the tropes can be from bigger projects like films that reach millions, they exist to make money. Sensationalism sells. Any business based in profit over all is corrupt and they prey on the fact that people will uncritically accept what they see, but at the end of the day that is still not the same thing as the fiction itself affecting reality, especially as directly as antis claim. Jaws didn't cause a rise in shark killings. People's biases and fears did. Spielberg didn't owe the world a nuanced take on sharks. He wanted to make a scary thing about sharks. Neither he nor anyone else can control the messages someone takes from what they consume.

If you try to anticipate what everyone's reactions could be to something you make, you will create nothing of any substance or interest. Literally anything and everything is problematic in some way. It's up to you to learn how to examine the messages you're being given and consider how they could affect your thinking.

Unfortunately antis would rather just never have to use their brains at all for anything but taking the moral high ground to beat a creator with a stick. Especially a small creator they can reach directly where they will never be heard by bigger companies. That's why it's such an issue in fic/fanart and indie spaces. They get more interaction/results.

Nothing wrong with Jaws. Just an old and tired argument.

[leelee10898]

Fast cars & Freedom: turn back time (10/?)

Ellie and Luca spend the day with Logan, and things heat up... catch up HERE. If you would like added to the tags, drop a line.

Pairing: Logan x Ellie, Colt x Ellie

Rating: Mature.. nsfw content inside.

Ellie mindlessly drove the streets of LA, nothing but the faint sound of Baby Shark playing in the background. Her immediate consciousness on the road and her surroundings, her mind anywhere but. It had been two weeks since her hook up with Colt, she could still see the the glimmer of hurt that spread across his face when she told him that it didn't change anything. She was lying to herself if she really truly believed that, it did change something, she felt even more torn. She met with Darnell the following Monday, he was confident that he could speed up the divorce process as his wife was a Judge, and Ellie agreed to it. The faster she got it over with, the less time she had to change her mind. Her head convinced it was the right thing to do, give them all a fresh start.  maybe later down the road it could lead to something more with Logan or Colt, but right now she needed to focus on Luca and how this was going to affect her. Her heart on the other hand, told her to hold out.

She pulled into the track  giving her name to the attendant. He gave her directions and she parked making her way towards a back entrance. “Mommy is this where uncle Logan works?” Luca whispered as they walked through a dimly lit tunnel. “Yeah, one of them. He races at all different places baby.” at the end of the tunnel they noticed a figure standing, which they soon figured was Logan. “Uncle Logan.” Luca went running into his arms “Lulu, I've missed you.” he enveloped her in a big hug, spinning her around before sitting her down. “Hey Ellie.” He hugged her, placing a soft kiss on her cheek.

Logan walked them around the entire facility, showing them everything.  They got to see the different race cars,and meet a few of the drivers. Luca was in awe, she loved cars. Ellie tried to teach her a few things, but really she didn't know nearly as much as Colt or Logan would. “Where's your car uncle Logan?” Luca questioned as they left the garage. “Well it's on the track right now,  you ready to go see it?” He beamed “Ah yeah! Lets go.” She grabbed his hand pulling him along.

They walked out to the track where a yellow stock car sat. Ellie shook her head “You really like yellow huh?”

“It's my lucky color.” he gave her a lopsided grin. “I hope you don't mind, I invited some friends.” He motioned towards the pit are, to see Her dad, sally and Stacie sitting. They joined everyone as Logan headed off to get his gear on. “Uncle Logan, are you an astronaut?” Ellie quirked her brow upon his return.  “No, this is my gear. But that would be cool to be an astronaut.” He chuckled.

Ellie watched as Logan climbed into the car and head onto the track. Something about the yellow car flying around the track took her back.

***

Logan shuffled the flash cards. “Ok,  when did the cuban missile crisis take place?”

“October 16th, 1962.”  Ellie smirked, knowing she got it right. “Ok that was an easy one.” Logan said pulling off his work shirt. “Next question.”

He asked her two more questions until he stood before her in his underwear. Ellie bit her lip, her drive for knowledge and the want to see him in nothing fueling her. “Ok. Just one more question to go.”

“Hey! I am not a piece of meat.” He chuckled.

“You said, you'd help me study.” she batted her lashes “Ok. Ok fine. One more question.” he was putty in her hands. Ellie squealed as she handed him the flash cards again. “who led the soviet union from 1922 to 1953?” Ellies lips twisted up into a devilish smirk. “Joseph Stalin. Now, take em off.” Logans jaw dropped and she shook his head “Ok. Fine, damn Ellie you are super smart.” He hooked his fingers in his boxers ready to slide them off when Ellie stopped him. “Wait. Give me a show.” she winked as she sat back on the bed. “What? You're serious?” he cocked his brow at her. “mmmhmm, go on now.” She motioned for him to continue. He shrugged his shoulders as he gyrated his hips, slowly pulling his boxers down his legs. Ellie bit her lower lip as she set eyes on his already stiff length. She stared up at him with lust blown eyes, hooking her finger in a come hither motion. Logan complied as he mindlessly crossed the room,  almost like he was being pulled by and imaginary string.

He climbed onto the bed next to her, pressing his lips to her full soft ones. “I could kiss you forever.” She moaned out. His face falling at her words “if only we had forever.” she reached over cupping his face. “Then kiss me tonight.” she smiled as he found her lips again, this time harder as if he stopped she would disappear. She shifted around to straddle him, her hands softly roaming the contours of his body. She could feel his hard length pressed against her, a flood of warmth spread through her body making her grind against him. Ellie lifted her blouse over her head revealing her bare chest. “You are so incredibly beautiful Ellie.” she stood inviting him to sit up, his legs on either side of her. She grabbed his hands placing them on her hips “Touch me.” her voice almost a whisper. His hands slipped up under the hem of her skirt, grabbing the globes of her ass and roughly caressing them.

He gripped the fabric of her skirt on each side and firmly ripped the material in two. She gasped out, the force of cool air hitting her skin. His lips trailed lazy kisses up her stomach until he reached her perky breast. His tongue swirled around the pink nub before taking them each one by one into his mouth, softly sucking and releasing with a pop, leaving firm peaks in his wake.  Her breathing becoming erratic, she closed her eyes, trying to stay focused on the sensation he was giving her. He hooked his fingers into her lace panties, and slid them down. He stood gripping the back of her thighs and lifting her and laying her down on the bed.

He slid his hands up the inside of her legs, pulling them apart, kissing her inner thigh, niping it gently. She watched him as he settled between her legs and licked a wide strip between her folds, her breath hitched in her throat as his tongue flicked against her clit, a loud moan escaping her.  A smile played on his lips, he was the luckiest bastard in the world right in that moment. Ellie was more than just a pretty face, she was smart, funny, talented, compassionate, and honest to a fault. She deserve to be treated right, tonight she chose him, and damn if he wasn't going to disappoint.

He swirled his tongue, wrapping his lips around the sensitive bundle, applying light pressure until she moaned out gripping his chocolate locks tightly. He slowly released the suction, flicking against her swiftly. “Logan, oh god.” she screamed out her legs shaking, heart pounding in her chest. She snapped her eyes shut, seeing stars.

Logan stood wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “God Ellie you are so fucking sexy.” she kept her eyes locked on him as she calmed herself. “Logan..” She breathed out. He joined her on the bed, his body pressed against hers as his lips claimed her mouth again in a hungry kiss.  She bucked her hips against him, the need to feel him becoming to great. He read the signs well, as he lined himself up and sunk slowly into her.

Instinctively she dug her nails into his shoulders as he stretched her, letting out a soft cry. “Hey, its ok I got you. Just relax.” he assured her, giving her a moment to adjust. He set a slow pace, taking his time building her up. His lips softly nipping her neck and shoulders. Soft moans falling from her lips. He needed to hear her, he wanted to see her fall apart under him. He picked up the pace, thrusting faster he began to feel her flutter around him, her moans becoming louder as she neared her climax. He slipped his hand down quickly rubbing her already sensitive clit and that was all it took.

“Oh, yes. Logan.” she moaned his name as a surge of wetness crashed against his cock. “Fuck Ellie, thats..” He couldn't finish, he thrust faster, harder finally spilling himself inside her. He collapsed on the bed next to her,  both panting.

“Now that's how you study.” Ellie giggled.  

*******

“That was great Logan, great times.” She heard her dad say. Pulling her from her daydream. “It still scares me watching you drive that fast.” Sally squeezed him tight. “I'm fine mom, I used to do this all the time on the streets.” He gave a nervous chuckle meeting Frank's less than amused gaze. “So, you ready for your turn?” He turned towards Ellie who looked at him bewildered. “What? Who, me? Logan, no I can't drive that.”

“Sure you can.” he dropped his voice so only she could hear “I can see it in your eyes Ellie. You're a driver, and you're craving the speed.”

He was right, she longed for it. “What the hell, let's do it.”

“No. Absolutely not.” Frank protested. “Daddy, I'll be fine.” she giggled.

“Yeah, Frank. Ellie is a great driver, trust me I've seen her in action.” Logan grinned, but quickly averted his eyes and Frank's still less than amused gaze. Luca jumped up and down in excitement.

Ellie got changed and climbed into the car. Logan stuck his head in showing her her all the different controls and showing her had how work everything. “You understand?” he asked she quickly nodded her head, trying to calm her nerves. “Hey, you got this. You're an amazing driver, Ellie, trust me I know from experience.” He gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. He fastened the netting on the window and stepped back, grabbing a headset.

“Can you hear me Ellie?” she heard Logan's voice in her ear.

“Yeah, I can hear you.”

“Ok good. Go ahead and start the car up. Your gonna head out that long stretch before getting onto the track.”

“Ok.” Ellie complied turning the engine over.

“You got this Ellie, just relax and do what comes naturally.”

She smiled at his words, he always told her she was a natural, like she was born to be behind the wheel.

Ellie started to roll forward, making her way onto the track slow and steady, her nerves a wreck. “You can go faster than that.” she heard Logan chuckle. She sucked in a deep breath, slowly exhaling, like she was releasing all her inhibitions, pressing on the gas. Her back slamming against the seat as she felt the speed consume her. In that moment she was reminded of Kaneko, when he installed the NOS in her car. Being behind the wheel, flying around the track ignited something within her, something she suppressed for so long.

She grew more comfortable, more confident as she accelerated, whipping the car around the track. A smirk spread across her face as she approached the curve, flawlessly drifting around it, her thoughts on Colt in that moment. “Okay show off, last lap.” she heard Logan chuckle on the other end, making her giggle. “Nice and easy Ellie, just pull off just head of you.” he coaxed her into the pit area and helped her out.

“Mommy! Mommy, that was so cool.” Luca squealed throwing her hands around her.

“Damn Elle. You could be like, a getaway driver if you ever took up a life of crime.” Logan and Ellie shared a knowing look. “Hell yeah.” She nervously chuckled.

“Ellie, where did you learn to drive like-” Fank trailed off, realizing that she learned quite a few tricks during her time with the MPC.

“Ok. Let's get you changed Ellie.” Logan interrupted. “Dad, can you keep an eye on Luca a minute?” He nodded “Sure thing. Come on kiddo, lets see what we can get into.”

“Ellie that was amazing.” Logan bounced as He walked Ellie down to get changed. “Oh my god. That was such a rush. It's been so long.” she couldn't wipe the smile from her face. Logan held the door for her as she stripped the racing suit off. “You could seriously give racing a go. You'd blow all these suckers away.” He grinned. “All of them? Even you, Logan Rider?” she batted her leashes at him playfully.

“Oh, no. No, not me.” he pressed his hands to his chest “No see, I taught you everything you know. I know all your tricks.” Logan waggled his eyebrows, sauntering over to her. “Not all my tricks.” She bite her lip. In an instant they were on each other, lips crashing together with force. He cupped her face with both hands, his tongue sweeping her lips, deepening the kiss. She moaned out. She lifted his shirt pulling it off, her hands rubbing his toned chest. He yanked off her tank top, his hands weaved  through her mocha locks as he backed her against the wall. The sound of their ragged breathing and soft moans filling the room, they were lost in the feeling of it they didn't hear the door open.

  “Oh. Oh god. Im sorry.” they pulled apart to find Stacie averting her eyes.

   “Stacie, what are you doing here?” Ellie pulled her tank top on.

  “I was just seeing what was taking so long.”

Logan noticed the tense standoff between the two. “Maybe I'll give you two a minute.”  he pulled his shirt on and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

  “Is there something going on between you and Logan?” Ellie cut right to the point. She had a nagging feeling that something was up.

  “What? Nothing. Nothing is going on with us.” Stacie looked at her bewildered.

  “You sure? Because I see the looks you give him.”

  “Seriously Ellie? You're one of my best friends. Yeah he's cute, anyone with two eyes can see that. And yes he's nice, and thoughtful. But I couldn't do that to you.”

Ellie wasn't sure she believed it, she stood there arms folded across her chest.

   “And what's going on with you? You sleep with Colt and then you're making out with Logan?”

  Ellie's eyes went wide. “I didn't. That didn't. I didn't sleep with Colt.” she denied it. She hadn't told a soul, how did she know?

  “Oh please,  I'm not dumb, Ellie. You've had that I got fucked look on your face for two damn weeks. Riya said the same thing. And now you're down here making out with Logan. What's going on?” Stacie stood, hands on hips.

Ellie slumped down in a chair. “Ok, fine. I slept with Colt. It just happened, and it won't happen again.”

  “And the divorce? What about Logan? That looked like it would have ended with the two of you naked.” Stacie arched her brow.

  “The divorce is being sped up. And Logan? I don't know, I think it was the adrenaline.” Stacie came and sat down next to her. “I don't know what to do. I care about them both.” Ellie sighed.

  “Yeah, but you can't string them both along.” Stacie said, just before Logan walked in. “Ellie, did you get the call?” he rushed.

“No, my phone's in my bag. What call?” Logan sighed, “That was Doctor Adams, the lab caught fire, the DNA samples were contaminated.  We have to do it again.”

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[quinintheclouds]

This was too long for the tags so I'm just gonna write it here.

This scene killed me. Watching her dad try SO HARD the whole film was nothing short of heart-wrenching. I know being a teen is hard, and I know that I have a skewed perception of parenthood, having grown up with two abusive (and sometimes downright cruel) parents who tore me down at every turn. I'm used to words like these being empty excuses, saying I'm so 'naturally' kind and care about others in a way they can't as a way to absolve them of not doing so themselves. I can't know what it's like to be a middle schooler with a kind parent genuinely trying their best. At the time I never understood why kids with such kind parents could be so mean to them. I hated my parents, but I had reasons to point to.

But I get it now. So I won't judge teens for being angry with/blaming their parents - that's normal. The movie did a great job showing why Kayla was so annoyed by her father. At parts I was, too. I probably would've yelled or pulled away at times just like she did. Bo really captured that brand of parenting that parents think is them being funny or relating or helpful, but really just makes things worse, as well as capturing how the stress of being that age means their help often isn't wanted.

But he was so earnest and doing literally everything she asked him to do. I would've killed for a dad like Kayla's. And she treated him like dirt. It was devastating to watch him try so so hard, especially since he didn't know where her anger was coming from. Her life was so stressful and he had no way to know or help, so his attempts to reach out only drove her further away.

Maybe it's cause I guess I'm an adult now, but I empathized so hard with him. Every scathing remark and dismissal she gave him cut through to me. I wanted to reach through the screen and tell him she doesn't hate him. Seeing Kayla shoot down his every attempt painted how the frustration of being a teen can affect your relationship with your parents. Bo nailed both characters' stresses simultaneously.

That's why this scene was so heartbreaking and healing and hopeful and stressful all in one. I cried the whole way through. When she hugged him, I felt his relief. I felt her relief. This moment had been building the entire film for both characters, so when it happened, when she finally got to the rock bottom where she reached out to him in her own way and let him in... It was beautiful. I felt her dad's worry and hesitance in saying this. Because every time he opens his mouth Kayla attacks him for it. He was so uncertain the whole film. But this he knew. This he was sure of more than anything. And I felt that. And I felt Kayla's utter hopelessness, felt her realize that bond between them that she'd always been holding onto without knowing it.

People always talk about how parents are a safety net who will love you no matter what and be there when you're at your lowest and have nowhere else to turn. I know I'll never have that for myself. But here? Here I got to feel it.

eighth grade (2018) — directed and written by bo burnham

[tordthing]

You read that right </3

More text so that Eddie doesn't see this wholeass post in thon's notif without any warning text text text how much text is needed does it even show shit under the readmore I'm not sure here's more text just in case I risk nothing

Also I mock everything they say because they are my little jester and I think their stupidity is funny, I'm not like. upset or anything

readmore for their bullshittery lmao, tw just blatantly not knowing anything about systems or fictives or anything about anything. Also ableism obviously

some of my favorite bad takes from said convo (already blocked them sadly </3 so this is just the basics of what I remember):

Actually started the convo p nice before the endo shit? So like I was telling them about us redecorating the room and cleaning and the first red flag: I should not like Kyle or do nice things for him because I am a Tord Fictive (told while I said I was planning on switching the pillowcase to the checker one instead of my red one when I made the bed)

Jokingly(?) suggested that I throw away tomee bear to make Kyle upset (Kyle laughed and said he'd throw ME away)

I can't be Tord AND a girl because that's Tori and I just Don't Know My Eddsworld Lore

Claimed that we should decorate the room to the host's taste? Because I guess uhhh Matt's the only one that fronts and there's only one host obviously

Matt wanted to talk to them and they brought their biases against him in source (specifically legacy) into the convo ("you're a lot less self-absorbed than your character is") which very much made him upset

Matt is being dramatic by specifying that xe's an Eddsworld fictive on xyr Eddsworld posts, and should also be fine with people tagging said posts as selfshipping and kin because..... there wasn't an actual explanation xe just should

A spin on the classic "source memories are fake": source-divergent memories are fake + no source memories are traumatic + substitute beliefs are fake

Stressholders do not exist (I fade out of existence) and are too specific of a role

My source trauma specifically is fake because I've done a lot of self-reflecting and figuring out why I have them and what the substitute beliefs behind them may have been (something I do like knowing and did for myself), because source memories aren't related to traumatic experiences and I couldn't have been formed/split from trauma because I don't remember that trauma specifically

Since we're fictive-heavy and only have a few trauma-holders, only the trauma-holders have trauma/formed from trauma and we are ALL endogenic and thus an endogenic system

Systems cannot be neurodivergent (when explaining that we're fictive-heavy due to our neurodivergencies) because that's too much mental illness ig ??????

I am a malicitor because I "won't let us be in the community we belong in" (endogenic) and am thusforth harming the system and myself and I am just the Worst Person for it

Everyday I stray further from the safety net of actual systems and other fictives and I almost always regret it lmao

🕷️Hi! Next person to suggest that we're endogenic in our ask box becomes our personal therapist. I mean it.

Also, if you call me a malicitor for telling you to fuck off I'm allowed to call you a bitch