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Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko - The Lesbian Office RomCom You Needed

Blatant flirting, hilarious misunderstandings, and lesbian shenanigans aplenty - this show is funny, over-dramatic, and most of all gay as hell. Here's my review! Spoiler-free version first, and a more detailed spoiler-y version under the cut. I hope you enjoy!

A quick summary: Overall: 9/10, you should absolutely watch this! Genre: RomCom, with some serious elements and a heartfelt exploration of sexuality Watch if you are looking for... : A silly and fun time, a happy ending, misunderstandings, and character development. Highly recommended to watch this with your partner(s) or your sapphic friends! Watch out for... : Although the tone of the show is mostly comedic, it contains discussion & depiction of homophobia at the workplace and past trauma relating to that Where to watch: Official TL on GagaOOLala, or Fansubs by @furritsubs (highly recommended!)

"Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko" (Ayaka-chan wa Hiroko-senpai ni Koishiteru) is a Jdrama adaption of a manga by the same title. The series premiered this year July 2024 and has wrapped up a short while ago, with a total runtime of 8 episodes of 24 minutes each.

The title of the show already says all; the plot is simple: Junior staff member Ayaka is head-over-heels for Hiroko, her senior at the company she works at. And she has decided to go on the offensive.

There are many obstacles in Ayaka's way: first of all, Hiroko is 13 years older than her (they are 23 and 36), and her superior at the workplace. Hiroko is beloved by both her superiors as well as her staff, so Ayaka's love for her is just one of many. And no matter how blatantly she ups her advances (and girl, she is BOLD), Hiroko is 100% convinced that all the flirting is just misplaced, straight-woman obliviousness.

The irony of it all is that Ayaka is absolutely barking up the right tree, because Hiroko is a lesbian, but has been firmly in the closet at work - something that she has no plans on changing. Her professional life and her personal must stay completely separate, at all cost. The only place she can truly be herself is the lesbian bar she's been a regular at for years.

^ Me when I'm a lesbian disaster doing insane mental gymnastics

However, "giving up" is not in Ayaka's vocabulary. As her seduction attempts keep escalating and being misunderstood, Hiroko's hard exterior begins to crumble bit by bit. Can Hiroko finally overcome her rigid ways, and let herself fall for someone?

Although the show is first and foremost a comedy, both Ayaka and Hiroko as characters are handled really well. They have their own problems, insecurities, reservations about the other, and both have a simple but great arc over the course of the series. Ayaka is discovering her sexuality, something she had never even considered before falling for Hiroko. What does being in love with a woman mean for her future? And Hiroko, who is already very confident in her sexuality, is confronted by her past trauma, and the fact that she's still not ready to come out despite the changing times. And while being undercover has saved her career in the past, it has also made her feel alone and isolated. She likes Ayaka back, but can't allow her true colors to show.

Something that I find very hard to achieve with comedy shows is the switch between funny and serious, and I think that Ayahiro manages this very well. Both of our main characters feel grounded enough in reality that when they get emotional, it feels relatable and sincere. For a silly show like this, striking a balance like that is crucial, and save for a few pacing issues in the later half of the show (that I honestly didn't mind at all), I think the show totally nails it. Ayahiro is not a realistic show, but it contains elements of reality that made me connect to it, despite all the insane shenanigans that go on. And because of that the show made me laugh and cry as much as it did, often in the same episode. It works, and Kudos to the writers (and actors!) for that.

Speaking of actors, one thing I must mention is that the show is very well made. The actors (especially Mori Kanna as Hiroko is the standout for me, she has a natural charisma and gay swagger) do a fantastic job, the leads' chemistry is great. The production overall has some real money behind it, with lots of changing sets that all look great and have been crafted with care. Ayaka's outfits are absolute KILLER, she is giving insane femme energy. The show also looks very pretty, the color graders turn that saturation up to 100 and it fits Ayaka's rose-tinted world well.

That's it for the spoiler-less part, I'll now get into specific characters and plot points with full spoilers up to the end of the series under the cut. If you don't want to get spoiled, I hope the review until now made you want to watch the show for yourself! I hope you enjoy!

First of all I need to disclaim that I have not read the original manga that she show is based on, so I can't compare the series to its original and how the plot is written there. I do intend to read it (I hope it gets localized to German so I can support the official release, but I might check out the English Official TL anyway before that) but for now, I will only judge the series as is.

Ayaka: Our protagonist is a femme fatale, in... another meaning of the word, I guess. She is a disaster, bad at pretty much everything she does except not giving up. Once she has set her mind to something, she will get it done. That leads her to often be inconsiderate and unable to see what others around her are feeling, which goes mostly for her best friend Risa, but also for Hiroko, whose feelings she also fails to consider even when pursuing her. Ayaka has to learn the hard way that her naivete is hurting others, and herself. She hasn't really thought her advances through, simply acting on instinct. But as the series goes on, she takes her feelings and her newly discovered sexuality seriously, and grows comfortable with calling herself a lesbian. She is also unashamedly horny, like, Oh My God, this girl is trying to get laid so bad. This is hilarious and refreshing to see, and although her seduction attempts are often played as comedic, it doesn't feel like she is being ridiculed for her sexuality by the show. Ayaka often crosses boundaries (physical and emotional) with Hiroko, both out of naivite and in deliberate attempts to seduce her. To me this was never truly infuriating, even though sometimes she really did go too far, but for me it always kept in tone with the comedy of the show. Even when Ayaka finally comes out in front of the entire office, she makes it clear that she doesn't want Hiroko to do the same if she's not ready.

Hiroko: Our deuteragonist is probably my favourite character in the show, and I think she's very relatable and well done. As an older lesbian, she's got plenty of experience, having even earned the title of "The Ace" in her lesbian friend circle for being a talented womanizer. But a traumatic experience of losing her last partner due to being found out at the workplace has changed her. She's afraid to get attached, she's unable to let people get close to her true self. So when Ayaka is fighting tooth and nail to get to her, Hiroko is caught in conflict between her feelings of attraction and her past trauma. She does everything in her power to dismiss Ayaka's advances to protect herself, and later when she learns that Ayaka is in fact not straight (duh), she still turns her down to protect Ayaka's (and her own) career. Hiroko is a bit of a conservative - something she's also called out for in her lesbian friend circle - she believes that coming out at work is impossible and irresponsible. And you know, I get it. Not only does she have personal bad experiences with exactly that, it's also not unreasonable to think it would be a bad idea to hook up with your junior of 13 years. Like, I get it girl. Hiroko is clearly attracted to Ayaka, not just physically but also emotionally, because Ayaka is everything Hiroko wants to be but can't. And that leads to Hiroko constantly underestimating Ayaka, even treating her like a child. She thinks Ayaka is not really thinking the gravity of her actions through, and she gets called out for that and has to overcome it. In the end, Hiroko ends up being a character that needs time, and needs to unlearn a whole bunch of shitty behaviour, something the show clearly also shows is being worked on and that Ayaka also respects (more on that later).

Risa: Easily the character I struggled with the most, Ayaka's best friend Risa is complicated. She's very observant but also shy, and secretly harbors a crush on Ayaka. Quietly struggling with her sexuality, she only decides to come out when she realises that Ayaka's feelings for Hiroko are serious. Oh, it's messy! She confesses to Ayaka, who in turn has to struggle with her feelings for someone else, but also not wanting to lose her closest confidant. And to her credit, Risa takes the rejection quite gracefully and continues to support Ayaka in her pursuit of Hiroko. However, Risa also outs Hiroko against her will to Ayaka, which... is just a shitty thing to do, even though she just wanted to help her friend. Good motive, still murder. After the conflict between Ayaka and Risa is resolved, Risa just kind of... is around, quietly worrying in her corner and kind of (in my opinion) overstepping her boundaries with Hiroko. I don't dislike Risa, but I thought her character was not done super well in parts, and although I understand the complicated situation she herself is in, the show doesn't really let her grow as much as the other characters. Anyway, good for her for bagging the hottest chick at the lesbian bar, though. Good for her!

The "break-up": The story's conflict comes to a peak when Hiroko finally realises there is only one way to shut this all down. She needs to fulfill Ayaka's desire, and then turn her down, once and for all. But Hiroko at this point still thinks Ayaka is immature and hasn't really thought her actions through. Ayaka sheepishly asks for a kiss, so Hiroko kisses her. "Now you've achieved everything you wanted." We're done, you can give up on me and this childish crush you have on me. And most importantly, I can let you go, too. Not realising that Ayaka wants much more. She wants a real relationship, she wants the kiss, sex, real emotions, she wants to see Hiroko's true self too. She wants a partnership.

The Finale: With the encouragement of her peers, Ayaka finds the courage to express her feelings to Hiroko one last time. And she finds just the right words to finally get through to her. Hiroko realises how much of an ass she's been all this time, how she ended up hurting the girl she loves and herself by denying herself happiness. This whole scene was so well done (Kudos to Kato Shiho as Ayaka, this is probably her best scene in the entire show), brother I cried so hard. And finally Hiroko can say what she should have a long time ago: "I'm sorry."

One year later: In the show's worst case of bad pacing, we immediately cut from their tearful reunion to "one year later", lol. I don't mind the sudden jump too much, but maybe a bit of a slower fade-out would have softened the blow, because I think a few people probably found this very jarring xD not too bad for me. I was actually positively surprised that we actually get to see the aftermath, see how their relationship has developed a year into it.

I've seen a few people complain about this "no-sex scene" (lol) and I just want to add my two cents. I actually really like how this scene played out, for two reasons. Reason 1 is that it's just very much in-character for Hiroko. We've seen her struggle back-and-forth with the intimacy Ayaka wanted from her for the past 7.5 episodes, and her own internalised homophobia and constant fear of "crossing the line". She's a traumatized person, and it makes total sense to me that even one year into the relationship, she's still struggling with sexual intimacy. Sure, a whole year is a long time not having sex with your partner (even though you both clearly wanted to from day 1) but like... it makes sense for Hiroko. She's still working through the past 10+ years of repression. I do understand how this scene can be interpreted as "the show is afraid to show them being horny and sexy together, they're cowards for making Hiroko so obsessed with Ayaka's "purity" etc" and like, yes, that is a totally valid interpretation, but IMO also a quite bad faith one.

"I'm happy to know you feel that way. Which is why, could you please wait a little more, just until I sort my feelings out?" "What?" "I want to cherish you, Ayaka." "Right." "I'm sorry for everything, Ayaka." "For everything?" "In the end, it seems like I still haven't came out yet. I understand that I'm making you endure something when you don't have to. But… I do want to be with you, and I want to keep my job. I'm really sorry for making you put up with my selfishness."

^ Like, that is the conversation that follows. It's not just about sex for Hiroko, that kind of intimacy holds a deeper meaning to her and she's just not ready for it yet, and trying to sincerely tell her partner that. And when Ayaka reaffirms her willingness to be patient in this scene and is respectful of Hiroko's choice, Hiroko realizes that she's being a stupid coward, and finally makes a decision...

... to come out in front of the whole office, who's been gossiping about their relationship the whole year anyway.

And that is the end of the show!

So really, Hiroko did manage to overcome her fears in the end, and it took her a whole year into a healthy relationship to do so. And I think that is honestly much more realistic than some people would like to believe. Is the smooch in front of the whole office silly and cheesy and over-dramatic? Of course, but that's the entire show so far. And if you think that kiss-and-dip is dumb then I can't help you, I think you just don't like fun.

Oh yeah, and my reason 2 why I thought that no-sex scene was done well is because it's just funny. Ayaka has been DTF since minute 1 of the show, and her still being unable to get it this far into it is just funny. I would have loved a little nod to them finally getting down at the very, very end, but eh, I can live with it like this. They've conquered the emotional hurdles, I'm certain they will cross that other bridge when they get there on their own time.

Conclusion: "Ayaka is in Love with Hiroko" is a great and incredibly funny lesbian show that touched me emotionally much more than I thought it would. It made me cry several times, the production and acting quality positively surprised me, and honestly deserves my Nr 2 spot of favourite Lesbian JDrama after Tsukutabe (which is a 10/10 show) for now. I really hope this type of show gets imitators, adapting relatively short stories into mini-series with great quality. I appreciate the more adult tone of this series, its shameless comedy while still being able to hit serious beats with real emotion. From what I've seen of the BTS, the actors and staff also handled the subject matter with respect and care and had a lot of fun making the show. I don't think a season 2 is needed, but I do hope that the series can inspire more similar works. I love Ayaka and Hiroko, and I'm so happy they got their happy ending, and by God, I hope they have the best sex ever in their beautiful lesbian future. God bless.

That's it from me, thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this show as much as I did! Hopefully see you soon!

[prettysweetprettysweet]

So I was thinking further about the issue at the heart of this post regarding how a lot of the audience is put off or puzzled by Achi's way of conducting himself in relation to Karan, how he seems too reserved, low-energy, or minimally invested in their relationship. I've been thinking on another circumstance that I think influences it beyond the issues I had talked about in my post.

At the beginning of our story, Achi seems to be completely adjusted to a life without romantic love or sexual relationships. When reminded of cultural expectations about all the necessary milestones for men his age, he does feel insecure and unhappy about falling short, but beyond that he probably doesn't spend an awful lot of time in a headspace where he would contemplate romance and sex at a deeper more emotion-based level. I think support for this idea is that he only made an attempt at instigating a romantic relationship (bringing coffee to a colleague) when he was feeling insecure about turning 30. When he overheard her saying essentially that he was undateable, his sadness came more from what he saw as confirmation that he was too boring to be loved rather than the loss of a potential relationship.

Achi's baseline seems to be that he doesn't spend significant time thinking about romance in relation to himself, not with good emotions - he thinks about romance mostly in terms of being a measure of failure and a gauge of character (no person has wanted to even kiss me, so I must really be an unappealing and unremarkable person) - completely detached from what makes love what it is, an incredible feeling of adoration, comfort, safety, etc. At the beginning of the story, Karan's role in his life is solely as a model of what he should be and a daily reminder that, from Achi's point of view, he is not talented, smart, unique, driven, handsome, or likable enough to reach the milestones that Karan has.

Because Achi doesn't invest much in romance, and because the idea of being in a relationship with someone as perfect as Karan is so ludicrous as to be inconceivable to him, there is absolutely zero connection in his mind between the idea of Karan and the idea of romance at the point in time when he discovers that Karan thinks about him in romantic terms near constantly. At the heart of the struggle is Achi needing to transform his view of his worth as a human being, so that he can truly give credence to the concept of he and Karan genuinely being in love with each other.

But something that I think is being overlooked is that Achi has a huge mental and emotional task in transforming how he views Karan. He needs to dismantle the idea of Karan being an idol - a model to aspire to, envy, and resent for his effortless perfection - and reposition this new, real Karan into a romantic and sexual context. That is a very layered, intricate task that can only be worked on by spending more and more time with Karan.

It is funny, though, how often idol worship bleeds into romantic yearning. We've heard Achi say some spin on Karan being the most perfect, most handsome, most prized, most kind and considerate man in the world over a dozen times. The root feelings are there - he just needs to weed out the negative thoughts and emotions that he's associated with Karan for seven long years, and try to view him as a real person with love and desire for him instead of some abstract ideological concept of male perfection.

That would be an arduous process for anyone, but especially for Achi, who thinks he has no instinct for love and desire, and zero experience to draw from. This fact coupled with his abysmal view of himself means that Achi is receiving and synthesizing Karan's overtures at a glacial pace, slow to react and completely unsure about what's right and wrong or what's normal and strange. And, really, he's just getting used to being a person who talks to another person with no masks or airs. He's realizing that he actually can offer words and thoughts from his inner self, out loud -- and that he has an avid, invested, passionate listener in Karan.

Randomly - one of my favorite illustrations of this whole thing is Achi sitting audience to Karan as he's soaking himself in water, and Achi is just...completely silent, hypnotized, deeply studious but also smiling unconsciously from some good feeling he's getting from seeing Karan like this. I was so proud of him for that moment, like yesssss the flames of physical desire are being fanned! You gawk at that boy, Achi!

Anyways I sort of think of it like one of those pictures that changes depending on the angle and distance you're viewing it from. From far away and a profoundly unhappy angle, Karan is the perfect man that Achi will never be. when he moves in close and tilts his head back upright, Karan is now a beautiful, complex, flawed man that is deeply in love with him and inspires those same feelings in return. Achi just has to get himself to that place.

[anneapocalypse]

Right to Their Faces: Sera's Romance Quest

The Sera Series: Exploring Sera's character and background.

This one was originally going to be part of another post I have in the works, "Sera and the Inquisitor," but I realized that I had a lot to say about Sera's romance quest and it really deserved its own post.

Disclaimer: It is absolutely fine if you don't like Sera or don't like Sera's romance, don't connect with her, don't find her relatable, whatever! I'm not here to tell anyone what they can or can't like. I just want to talk about my read and my feelings on this romance quest. If you don't like Sera and are not open to positively discussing Sera, that's just fine; feel free to scroll right on by, no need to inform me in the notes.

Sera's romance quest, "A Woman Who Wants for Nothing," triggers once the Inquisitor has confirmed her romantic interest in Sera and Sera's approval is high enough. The Inquisitor is prompted to find a gift for Sera because—okay look, we really need to spend a minute on how this quest begins, because it's truly delightful.

When the Inquisitor comes to Sera's alcove, Sera runs up behind her, excited, and exclaims all in a rush, "Listen! I got you a hat, but it's ugly, so I drew Coryhe-whatzit's face on it, and stuffed it with apples. Everyone's hitting it with sticks! I really hope you like it!" and then runs away giggling.

I mean, it's pretty clear here that this is all in fun to Sera. She wanted to give her Inky something, but the hat she found was ugly, so she decided to turn it into a joke and hoped Inky would be entertained by it. It's the Inquisitor, charmingly, who decides to take this super seriously, looking after Sera and saying thoughtfully to herself, "We're giving gifts now?"

The Inquisitor then goes to all her other companions looking for help finding a gift for Sera. Practically no one has any good ideas, or any ideas at all really. I want to pause on that aspect for a moment. Why doesn't anyone (including the Inquisitor, who is actively seeing her) know what Sera would like?

I mean first of all, the clue's kind of in the name of the quest. No one can think of a gift for Sera because Sera doesn't particularly want anything. She is not very concerned with owning things. She doesn't covet fancy clothes or shoes or hats or jewelry. The Undercroft keeps the Inquisition supplied with arms and armor, so she doesn't have need of those things as gifts. She likes books, but she has Skyhold's entire library at her disposal. She likes food, a lot, and she likes cakes, and if pressed I'd say that of all the material gifts she could receive, a cake made just for her would probably go over the best, but I don't think it would be better than what we ultimately get in this quest.

Sera does like collecting various objects, and we find her catalog of these in her journal, "Sera's Cabinet of Wonder Whose It Was," but these are all mundane items: a Circle banner, a goblet, a halla statue, a deck of cards, masks stolen from the Winter Palace. Little curiosities, things she finds meaningful or strange or funny. This is a collection curated purely on Sera's whims, and it could be difficult for even someone close to her to guess what kind of object might catch her fancy in that way.

And here we have the ironic meaning of the quest title. Usually, the expression that a person "wants for nothing" means that they already have everything they could possibly want, but for Sera it takes on a different meaning. Sera "wants for nothing" because she not only lacks a life of wealth and comfort but has actively rejected it and all the baggage that came with it. Someone will probably point out here that Sera is interested in making a profit with her Red Jenny shenanigans, and she is, she says so! but what she is not concerned with is accumulating and hoarding wealth or possessions. That is a life she has very consciously rejected.

I also don't think we should ignore the role of class in the way the other Inner Circle members treat Sera, even the "nicest" ones. There's not really any getting around the fact that other characters—including characters we like—look down on Sera because she's low class. Sera is not the only elf in the Inquisition, and there are definitely characters who treat Solas poorly in various ways, but they do not treat Solas the same way they treat Sera. Sera gets the most abject disrespect both for being an elf and for being low-class, and—this part's important—for looking and sounding low-class, and being proud of it.

Cullen may have been born a commoner but he sought a respectable profession, became a templar and ascended through the ranks (however he may feel about that now) and is now the Inquisition's commander. Leliana may have been the daughter of a servant, but she became a bard and has spent her life hobnobbing with nobles and Very Important People, eventually becoming the Left Hand of the Divine. Blackwall may have been born a commoner but he is (so far as everyone knows) a decorated Warden-Constable. Vivienne may have been born to merchant parents and sent to the Circle at a young age, but she's made the most of her position and become First Enchanter of Montsimmard, then Enchanter to the Imperial Court. You see where I'm going with this. Even our common-born companions have for the most part sought to climb the social hierarchy in one way or another. They've "bettered" themselves. They have titles, if not noble ones. They're Somebody. They're Important. And many of the others are just straight up nobility. Even Varric, who carries himself like a common man, is from a well-connected Merchant Guild family as well as being a famous author; he's basically a noble who enjoys slumming it.

Not only is Sera a nobody, she patently rejects the idea of being Somebody. She operates as a Red Jenny under a mythical name who may or may not ever have been a real person. When placed in a situation where she needs to be formally introduced as Somebody, the ball at the Winter Palace, she openly mocks the entire concept and the supposed solemnity of the occasion by submitting a vulgar joke name.

I bring all of this up because this is why I think the other companions are so unhelpful. They can't imagine what Sera could possibly want because they already know she doesn't want what they want, and even the ones who do like her I think struggle to actually relate to her. They see her motives as, at best, confusing. (As does the Inquisitor in a lot of early dialogue, but that's another post for another day!) But in fact, Sera's desires are very simple. (I think Cole is the one with the best shot at actually figuring out what Sera would want, but he gets hung up on the concept of what a gift is before he can get there.)

Vivienne and Solas in particular are not just confused by Sera but actively offended and dismayed by her existence. I think it's pretty easy to see why she gets under Solas's skin so badly (though I could write reams about how interesting their relationship is and how much it reveals about Solas, but not today). Sera represents to him just how far the elves have fallen because of him, and I think he's both deeply frustrated by her and deep down feels responsible for everything that's "wrong" with her. Vivienne and Sera are also fascinating foils to one another, as both came from humble origins and both were afforded some unique opportunities given those origins—but they've taken polar opposite approaches to the problem of social hierarchy and power. And like so many Dragon Age characters who act as foils to each other, the existence of the other needles at them so badly because they challenge the foundation of their beliefs about the world and their sense of self. So it's no surprise that these two are the companions that give active disapproval when the Inquisitor reveals her relationship with Sera.

(It also makes for some absolutely wonderful humorous irony later if the Inquisitor decides to take Vivienne's clearly-sarcastic suggestion seriously, after which you get a bonus cutscene of Sera and Inky in bed together laughing over whatever it is Inky has shaved into her ladybits. Vivienne turns out to be the only one who had a good idea, and she didn't even mean it!)

The actual quantities of disapproval are frankly negligible, and easily made up elsewhere if you, the player, care deeply what Solas and Vivienne think of your character. If I'm being honest, I think they could have gone even harder with the disapproval, especially in a game like Inquisition which doesn't pull its punches with approval the way the previous games do and doesn't allow you to avoid ever taking a negative hit. But the exact number isn't the important thing here. The important thing is that without some tangible and in-your-face social cost to openly loving Sera, this quest would have no teeth.

I trust I don't have to explain that the opinions of characters (for whom said disapproval is entirely in-character) are not necessarily the opinions of the writers. It's also not indicative of the game telling you that you made a "wrong" decision. Nor is it the first time companions have disapproved of the player character's love interest—far from it. Both Origins and DA2 have some truly spicy party banter in that regard, and Inquisition keeps with tradition. Love it or hate it, companions hating each other is a time-honored Dragon Age tradition.

And in this case, the disapproval is the point. The Inquisitor is meant to receive the disapproval and decide that Sera is worth it to her. The point is that the Inquisitor cares so much for Sera that she openly declares her affections without regard for the disapproval of others, and that this kind of love and acceptance is entirely foreign to Sera's experience and the greatest gift she could ever have received. Sera says it outright: "Wait, wait, wait. You went to everyone and said I was your lover? Right to their faces? They must have… Oh, Vivienne must have puckered pinky-tight! Best gift ever."

And if you've read my other Sera Series posts, or simply spent a lot of time talking to Sera, it's no mystery why this means so much to her.

This is what this quest is all about. And to me, it's one of the most moving expressions of love in the whole game and maybe in all of the Dragon Age games. I love it so much. I get emotional re-watching it in YouTube clips. I cannot imagine being happier if the Inquisitor had just, I don't know, baked Sera a cake, or brought her a bouquet of flowers from the meadows filled with bees. This quest gets at the core of who Sera is, her sharpest hurts and deepest desires. It is deeply meaningful and it is perfect for her.

My sole complaint about this quest is that I never got to see the hat full of apples with Corypheus's face drawn on it and everyone hitting it with sticks.

[jessequinones]

Writing Advice: I'm so lonely

There’s a book I’m currently reading where the main character is an outsider in a village. For context, I’m talking about a dragon book where the main character is a different colour than everyone around him and also has powers unlike any other dragon. Because of this everyone (except his friends) thinks he’s weird and strange, and he believes he’ll get kicked out of the village if they know what he truly is. (Bonus points if you’d guess which book I’m talking about). Now, I’m not trying to put this one book on blast, however, this is a prevalent trope which I would like to discuss with you.

This trope is a good example of a trope which can talk about racism in society as many people, (myself included) are the outsider in their communities. I’m an American living in Australia, not uncommon, but there aren't many Americans in the area where I live. I’m also Taíno and I know I’m the only one in my area. So I get a lot of confused people, asking me where I’m from, and where I’m “really” from. I can’t control the colour of my skin. I look Puerto Rican because I want to represent my culture and doing so makes me stand out, not because I want to but because I’m literally the only Puerto Rican in my area. So when it comes to characters who deal with the “I’m so lonely” trope, I can relate because just like them, I’m also lonely. (Excluding family and friends).

The funny thing about this trope is that often times when it’s created, it’s not really used as a way to talk about racism or being a part of a minority, instead, it’s used as a quick way to feel sorrow for said character. You’ve seen this trope a million times, the outsider gets called out for being an outsider, the outsider runs away, and while gone the outsider discovers friendship, and saves the day. (Luz, from the Owl House). Then the community who banished the outsider now accepts them...but they never really learned the error of their way. Yes, they said sorry, but what if another outsider comes around? Often times the outsider forgives said community but why? They shunned the outsiders, why doesn't the outsiders stand up for themselves?

When this trope is written, you can probably take a guess at how it’ll be used depending on who's writing it. If a person of colour is the writer, chances are it’ll talk about racism. If a person who is a part of a minority creates this trope then said trope will be used as an allegory for whatever the author is a part of.

If the person is a cis white author (most likely a male) then the lonely trope is mainly used for sympathy points. More often than not, the outsider is a character who has a personality that’s not commonly seen in their community such as being an introvert around extroverts. Being a reader instead of a sports player, wanting to go on adventures while everyone else says no. You get the point. While rare, the outsider can also be an extrovert and keep messing up their community. (Luz from the Owl House)

None of these are bad examples of the “I’m so lonely” trope. Everyone has experienced feeling alone at some point. It’s a common experience so it’s a common trope.

What I want to talk about is when the trope is used, by the wrong writer. Such as going back to the book I’m currently reading, a dragon who's a different colour than the rest of his community but the author isn’t using this as a racism metaphor.

I’m white-passing, my skin is just dark enough that people will stare at me as they try and figure out where I’m from. This is sadly a common occurrence. So if you’re writing a story where a character is struggling with the same struggles I deal with, the point gets lost and I’ll have a few words.

I understand, for most writers they have no idea this is what they’ve done, however, please get some people who are either of colour or of a minority to read through your story and I guarantee, that if they experienced what I’ve gone through, they might be able to inform you of what you wrote. I don’t want you to think you’ll have to change your story, however, be mindful of how it’s coming across if it gets brought up. (I’d say if it gets brought up because this isn’t a common trope many will recognise).

If this is something which gets brought up in your story, how do you deal with it?

One thing I would like to see more of is holding the community accountable. (I’m gonna be talking about this dragon because it’s a good example). If they shun this dragon because he’s a different colour, but later accept him. Hold them accountable. Punish the community. Have them see the error of their ways. It would also help to then bring more characters (in this case dragons), of the same colour into the community afterwards.

I would also like to see the outsider finding others who came from the same community and were banished for the same reason. Have them be told this is an ongoing problem, something that needs to change.

I also want to see more frustrated outsiders. Yes, they can be scared of their community, and yes they might not fight back, but for the inner dialogue. Have them lash out. Let it be known they can’t change who they are, and are frustrated the community won’t accept them.

I also want to see if the outsider has a small group of friends in the community before they get banished, to vent their frustration at their friends. Have their friends comment on what they see, and have their friends stand up for them instead of ignoring what’s going on. Just something to say “This is a problem and we want it fixed.”

Otherwise, if the outsider, (like a dragon) who's a different colour from the rest, never brings up the struggles of what it’s like being the only one, and their friends don’t help in the situation, then you miss the point of the lonely trope you wrote.

Now I know if you’d figured out which story I’m referring to then you might say the character I keep bringing up does mention his struggles and does vent about the situation...but not in a way which is helpful for this trope.

The main dragon which I’m using as a piñata is hiding from his community because he’s afraid of what they might discover. He’s an outsider yes, but an outsider who's trying to blend in with the rest of the community. Many people who connect with outsiders, connect with them because they can’t hide. They tried to fit in and couldn’t. There’s a difference between an introvert trying to blend in with a bunch of extroverts, compared to being the only Taíno at school.

The writer pointed out the colour of this dragon being different compared to the rest of the community, but the main character is more worried about the others finding out what he is, and it feels like the colour of his scales is a gateway to discovering who he is. So for all intents and purposes, it’s as if this dragon is an introvert trying to blend in with a bunch of extroverts. Still, his scales just so happened to look different compared to everyone else’s which means this one dragon is now a part of two different lonely tropes which makes everything confusing. Ultimately the writer ends up ignoring the racism part. The point of the dragon in the book I’m reading isn’t that he’s an outsider because he can’t change who he is, it’s the fact he’s an outsider because he’s hiding from what he is.

When creating the lonely trope (if the subject isn’t because of racism or being discriminated against), it’s a good idea to figure out why they’re lonely. Do they have a dark past? Do they act differently? It’s also a good idea to figure out why they’re an outsider. Are they actively trying to avoid others, or do others hate them?

If you add in an element, such as they look different on top of everything else, then the simple lonely trope doesn’t become simple because, in the real world, many people are outsiders because they “look different”. You can’t just add that as an icing. If you’re gonna be adding it, it needs to be a part of the main ingredients.

The lonely trope is a good one, and one many can relate to, but if done wrong, it can also anger people. When creating the lonely trope, just remember to take a step back, figure out why they're lonely and go from there. If looking different has to be included and can't be taken out, then grab sensitivity readers. My normal advice is beta readers but for this trope, I believe hiring sensitivity readers might be a better choice as they can go over what works and what doesn't in better detail.

[keepmovinjunior]

as a continuation of my princess tier list, here is my disney heroine tier list. so i can talk abt MY GIRL and also give these ladies their deserved love! honestly, i was never a disney princess girl as a child in the face of these characters who, for the most part, i always vibed waaaay more with. (but obviously i love and appreciate the princesses too!)

honorable mentions to mulan and pocahontas, who i think belong in this tier list as well, but since they are officially part of the disney princess line up, they're not ranked here. also i'm including nala and the anthro animal ladies because, even though they are animals, they're also hard to place and i think enough of disney heroines to be here with the gals. they deserve it.

megara : obviously. do i even need to get into this. i ramble enough about her on here for you all to know why i love her. ok moving on

esmeralda : i almost tied her with meg, which should tell you something about how much i love her. and for a while she was my favorite, but ultimately, meg won out, and has just the tiniest fraction of an edge over her, simply because meg was the first one to hit a nerve with little me so i have more of the nostalgia for meg. however, i love them almost an equal amount yet for different reasons. esmeralda is such an amazing character. i understand disney's handling of her depiction / romani people in general is very problematic, and has not aged well, but this aside, esmeralda is just an amazing woman, and i can't help but love her. she is gorgeous! fierce! beautiful, inside and out! she doesn't take anyone's sh*t, and her wit is FIRE. and she's hot, and not ashamed of it! she doesn't feel pressured to act chaste, and yet she knows she owes men around her nothing despite how flirtatious she is. she's so kind too, and is one of the only characters in the film to have the bravery to stand up for another person in need, even though it truly could have cost her her life (and almost does). that humanitarian unyielding streak has me WEAK. she is such an icon and inspiration for me in general, and i only hope i can one day be as tough, brave, and just amazing as she is. also "i ask for nothing, i can get by, but i know so many less lucky than i?" wtf esme. i'm sold. you're a gem for the ages. truly a woman irreplacable.

captain amelia : from treasure planet. obviously. a ken duncan lady, just like meg, and you can tell by their cheeks <3 her design and all around characterization is just amazing and so much fun. she's hilarious, she goes head to head with all of the guys... she's so friendly, funny, and confident, and you just can't help but fall in love with her. god what a (cat)woman. she makes me very happy.

jane : when tarzan came out and jane was introduced, i was obsessed with her for a brief moment, because besides meg, i think she's probably the most relatable one to me. she's a scientist, interested in animals, but she's not logical to the point of insensitivity and she holds such an emotional intelligence and respect for nature; she's truly a beautiful person. and she is a damsel in distress, but it makes sense as to why she would be: she's a victorian woman who has never been in the elements / is limited by her society, so it's a truthful, not offensive depiction of one, imo. she is just so adorable and funny, ken duncan has such a way of making cute ladies look so in love. that face after tarzan kisses her? the best. also "you stay away from me, like a very good wild man" KILLS ME she's so funny!!!

alice : i loved her as a kid. she's so likable as a character, and, like jane, just has that lovable curiosity about everything around her. also her wit is fast af, i found her quite relatable as a child. more so than a lot of the princesses (just personally).

maid marian : honestly why is she not a princess. i guess because king richard is her uncle? anyway, like captain amelia, she's an anthro fox lady, and also like captain amelia, she's chatty, charming, adorable and so lovable. another lady with class and a ton of personality. she's underrated. she'd probably be higher on my list had i grown up with robin hood, but i didn't, so i didn't get to know her until later.

nala : queen, funny, sassy, strong as hell; she holds the film together and is such a hero for bringing simba home. we didn't get a lot of time with her, which is very sad, but i love how good of a friend she is to simba, and she's so brave, too. she also takes no one's sh*t. here for it. we stan a lion queen.

wendy : my spouse loves wendy the most so i love her a lot more for that reason. she really had a thankless role in keeping all of those boys alive for the whole film and everyone was so mean to her, wtf. the way she was about to walk off the plank though like a boss? girl bye. you're amazing. freakin' STAN wendy.

nani : another gal with a thankless job, and i absolutely loved her relationship with david. also the fact that lilo was such a difficult child and made nani's life so hard, but nani never blamed lilo for anything, and never showed her the side of her that was frustrated and blamed her. actual girlboss.

vanellope : she reminds me of a kid version of someone i know so i like her for that reason, and her story is quite tragic. i also really like her relationship with ralph. and it cracks me up when she's like stop crying TAFFETA, lmao.

mirabel : she was cute but i didn't love encanto. i liked that she had to jive with... not having a power, and also was the family misfit, but other than that i didn't feel very much about her.

kida : i've only seen atlantis one time and i barely remember anything about it. kida was pretty cool from what i remember, and an original idea for sure, but yeah, i don't really have any thoughts about her otherwise.

tinkerbell : sorry but i gotta put her down here for not being a girls girl. i get it, she's tragic and all, and i do feel for her by the end, but i can't deal w/ the internalized misogyny she has. but i appreciate why other people like her and find her fun!

[gaypolls]

ok i just said it doesn't really bother me but i do wanna rant a little bc it's SO insane to claim that you're only a real homosexual if you've never felt an ounce of attraction to ANYONE but your own gender... as though True Attraction is easily defined and quantifiable for everyone? as though gendered attraction is in and of itself something that involves some essence of other people's genders or whatever and not just what you percieve???

think of how many twinks have mistaken for butches and vice versa lmao. is everyone involved in those funny little mixups not a real gay anymore? hell, what about gay people in the closet who can't quite accept their attraction to their own gender yet but their "type" of the "appropriate" gender is effeminate guys/tomboys? if someone wants to enter the gay identity do they absolutely HAVE to renounce all past attraction to the "opposite" gender as fake? why? says who? why would it not be enough to say "i'm significantly happier and feel more natural embracing attraction to, and being with, my own gender"?

like yeah, personally, i do deem the attraction that i used to think i had for women as fake. but i'm an incredibly self-aware and self-analytical and generally In My Head person. i can look in there and see the throughline and know the exact reason i thought i liked girls, and hell, i can even remember the conscious thoughts i had where i was forcing myself to feel it. but i do NOT expect everyone to be the same?? like that would be insane. if everyone was as self-aware as me, specifically. that's not healthy lol.

but anyway, on that same vein, repression and the closet are seriously powerful things. there may have been a layer of conscious attempt to be masculine in the mix, but when i was 16 and searching for things to appreciate in girls' appearances and, because i was trying so hard, sometimes finding them, and acheiving that abstract feeling of attraction that i was looking for... would it really be SO insane if i now wanted to say that yes, i have been attracted to women, and i just got over it?

when i say that i'm not attracted to women now, that doesn't even mean that i have never been attracted to a single woman. it means that womanhood and femininity does not inherently appeal to me. that's where "exceptions" come in - it's literally not that deep. it's when you recognize that you're feeling something, and maybe you're unsure but it seems at least attraction-adjacent, but it's not related to the prerequisite of gender that's usually on your capacity for attraction; it's in spite of it. i have to imagine that the majority of the time when this happens, it's because the person is in fact somewhat androgynous, or some part of you percieved this person as the gender you do like when you weren't conscious of it, or there's some aspect of their appearance that has the right gendered "energy" to you. and sometimes people just look really fucking interesting, or people are just excpetionally beautiful, and it hits you so hard that it seems like attraction but you're really just in a brief moment of awe! sometimes you just enter the cosmic soup for a second!

and feeling superior about having never had this happen to you is... well, it's just that, isn't it? it's purely about feeling superior. i honestly don't even believe that it's truly the case for that one person. i feel like the internal need to say shit like that has got to come from an insecurity about the fact that you're not that "true homosexual" that you're claiming deserves to never be implied to have things in common with all other gay people.

furthermore... the notion of it being homophobic to identify as gay when you're "not 100% internally homosexual"? well i mean obviously that's the terf shit. it's the braindead idea that other people's identities take anything away from you. as if anyone actually identifies as gay "when they're actually bi" just for fun and not because their "straight" attraction is extremely incidental and/or just does not preclude actually acting on it... like duh, lol. and even if it was for fun, it literally still takes nothing. it's a completely imaginary danger.

and it's so batshit in particular bc going out of your way to harass other gay people and tell them they're not gay is objectively the fucking homophobic thing??? like how on earth do you see yourself as the better person here. christ lol

[oekaki-chan]

hey c! can i ask how do we get over the feeling of embarassment when drawing self-indulgent shippy fanart? i've seen most of your amazing art and i've noticed that you don't seem to hold back when drawing fanarts, it's really beautiful with the way you portray characters' intimate relationships.. be it thru manga, illustrations, sketches. I have quite a lot of ideas on my mind that I want to draw similar to what you've drawn in terms of shipping characters, but I can't help but feel embarassed most of the time when I attempt to draw, thinking that it's "cringe" or I should draw something else with more deeper meaning into it, not just shippy stuff.. so I get very hesitant posting said art online or even starting the sketch (i haven't drawn 95% of my written ideas for nearly a year ;_; pain lol) since a few of my friends might see and question it lmao but deep down i really want to draw them ofc! i'm just very scared with what others think, but I do want to show myself more through my art and what I really like to draw.. Have you had a similar feeling of embarassment too c? I'm sorry if this got too long, I don't rly have any artist friends to talk to this about :')) I'm just so amazed at how you're able to fight the fear and just draw what you want in the end ^-^ I hope I can be like that too with myself and art, there are rare times where I just say f*ck it and post it anyway but 99% of the time is just me overthinking on whether it's cringe or not but I want to be cringe so bad so I can just be free and draw whatever the heck I want! ahh so many conflicting feelings ;_; i hope you get what I mean, thank you again for responding to my previous asks with the colors and numerous questions! I'm sorry for being so curious lol i just want to draw my favorite characters to kiss and cuddle so bad but im too scared to even draw them so intimately like that so i dont even draw majority of my ideas for fear of being judged :'D :') :(( hope u had a nice day c!

I might never show it but actually I relate to you so hard, it's not once or twice that I keep overthinking if my art is too self-indulgent and cringe, everytime I'm about to post my art I'm one click away to post it but I always have this nagging worry of people judging my art (even tho there's nothing wrong with it, for god's sake!!!) so I just spend another 30 minutes worrying about it until I close my eyes, flick my finger quickly, and close the tab.

And oh god in heaven put a curse on meme culture for this because there was this one instance when someone made a corny meme out of my art (that's not even a funny drawing) and dared to send it to me, I know it's only one person but it's enough to crush my confidence in drawing and posting shippy/emotional art.

Whenever I draw my favorite characters looking all seductive and cool I always worry people would think it's cringe, whenever I draw characters kissing I always worry people would think I'm weird, but then I remember about the other artists I like who post (their own) self-indulgent stuff and they make me joyous, I want people to feel the same way about my art when I post my own self-indulgent art too, so I guess that's what keeps me doing what I do today 😂

My 2023 resolution is just to stop giving a single damn about what people think of my art, if they think it's cringe then so be it, I can't control the mind of people, at least the cringe art gives me the happy brain chemicals and that's what truly matters 😊

[twopoppies]

https://www.tumblr.com/twopoppies/726931328990412800/you-know-its-funny-because-o-was-so-fussy-and?source=share

I'll disagree with the anon that nobody is caring. I think what happens is your view of how much traction something gets is based on your personal dash on whatever social media you use and if I was on larrie tumblr and twitter only I'd think the same thing but that's really because there's nothing for us to say. Taylor is honestly unproblematic, there's nothing going on, what's there to talk about. Anon might be too used to holivia which was like watching a car crash so the talk was constant because every day we were like this wasn't on our bingo card... But since leaving larrie twitter, I don't interact with it (I couldn't stand the stupidity of their discourses) but I interact with Harry content so I have a more broad Harry fandom on my dash, and also from tik tok, I can tell you gf harries are eating it up. A huge number of them is watching her films and buying tickets for the play. They're very happy because she's "relatable" for them and proof that they're "his type" (I legit saw a video of a girl saying this). So the engagement is there. I think they're just going lowkey with the paps right now bc holivia was so overpapped that the gp started questioning the legitimacy if it. The fans are doing a good enough job for now.

I do think they’re back to doing things the way they did with Camille, for example. Which we all should be really grateful for. Olivia was so narcissistic and so intent on making herself the main character that it was incredibly obvious that the relationship wasn’t real and Harry came out of that ordeal looking like an idiot. So people who want to believe that Harry actually dates women, and that they could be “his type“, will love the way this one is going. They see this as “low-key“. And if it’s low-key, then it must be real. 🙄 Honestly, I truly don’t care. As long as he isn’t miserable, then they’re both getting their apparently much-needed PR and she’s not getting shoved in our faces. It’ll be over when it’s over, and life goes on. 

[laylajeffany]

Hi! As you can probably guess, I completely love Chaos, and I have a few more questions. Thanks for the playlist by the way, it’s been all I’ve listened to since you linked it. Sorry for all the questions, I’m just curious.

1) In the Spotify playlist, the first song is “Sea, swallow me”. Is that song referenced somewhere in the fic, or does it just give off a general Chaos vibe? I’ve been trying to remember if it was mentioned somewhere but cant recall. As an additional Note, it is my new favourite song, so thanks!

2) You mentioned that all the OCs appearances are physically based on real people. Who are Dr Zypher, Emiliana and Holly-Jane based on? Is Emiliana based off of Eva Green, because thats how I imagine her. You’ve done an excellent job with the OCs, they’re just so perfect.

3) When you describe clothing, do you make them up in your mind or doe they actually exist? I get that some, like the custom ordered dresses in the latest chapter, must be made up, but are some of them real? Do you have some Pinterest board with all of their clothes just to keep track? 😂

4) How do you find time to write? I write 1000 words for my fic every day, and it takes me about an hour. 50K chapters in 2 weeks is a miracle. Do you sleep?

I’ve probably forgotten a question or two, so I hope you don’t mind if I ask more in the future😅

Thank you for all you do, I’ve never been so invested in a fic before. Just remember to relax and take breaks when you need it, don’t force yourself to write on 2 hours sleep!

I am happy to answer questions about Chaos for the Fly, the writing process, and other fic/writing related things. Thank you for your interest! 1. I think I referenced near the beginning somewhere that Wednesday had discovered some music on her own outside of classical when she accepted an algorithm to suggest songs for her. It had been 80s imports of some kind - and that was probably the one that I had in mind, even if it wasn’t mentioned specifically. There’s probably a few songs that weren’t actually mentioned by name but were alluded to in the fic - meaning I didn’t say the title in dialogue, but had something playing in the background for myself, and there you have it. 2. You have opened a VERY DANGEROUS can of worms with this question, lmfao.

You are a dead ringer for Emiliana! That’s Eva Green, 100%, the ONLY person who could play the role. It would be like a touch of Penny Dreadful for the out-of-her-damn-mind demon possession vibes, but mostly, just as herself (she’s cray and I love how socially awkward and accidentally funny she is in interviews) not so much Vanessa Ives. Eva Green has worked with Tim Burton a ton of times and wouldn’t even need a single line of direction in this role. Emi is SO easy to write because she is pure chaos both in physicality, mentally, her linguistics, her magic, and personality. I honestly think she’s one of the characters I’m saddest isn’t real because she’d fit in to drive Wednesday absolutely MAD as her big bird. I have a feeling we’re not going to explore Raven lore in S2 and the two of them trying to figure out their powers together, after Emiliana spent half her life suffering alone, has been some of my favorite parts of the fic to write. I always write scenes with Emiliana the fastest. Her love of Beanie Babies and bad influence is entirely, too much fun. Her voice is so easy and she will never truly understand American idioms. 

Dr. Zypher is AMY ADAMS, because GAY-ME, for Amy Adams. She’d absolutely crush the role, the fact that she doesn’t have a closet full of Oscars is just despicable (6 time nominee bro). SHE HAS THE VOICE OF AN ANGEL and I don’t think anyone ever lets her sing enough in movies. Put this woman in some broadway revival of an old musical and you’ll catch me personally saving the economy from collapse by taking the train up to see her every weekend. She's so adaptable and different in any role, and I just feel like she’d volley SO WELL with JO’s Wednesday. She's a professional who understands character layers that sweet and angsty Josie requires.

Dr. Holly is Emily Blunt plucked right from the Jungle Cruise movie in terms of how she’s styled but a far cry from her character there with her boldness - even if they would likely have competing career ambitions. ALSO HAVE YOU SEEN EMILY BLUNT IN ALL THE SUITS IN THE NEW NETFLIX PAIN HUSTLER MOVIE? I’m deceased. This is a ghost writing. Holly is really in the story 1) because I needed a plot line for Larissa, post-transformation, that didn’t involve Wednesday and was TRAGIC but beautiful and could GO SOMEWHERE, and2) we REALLY do need something to stabilize the molecular structure of shifting-type Outcasts, and 3) it helped give some context as to how desperate Larissa was to hire Normie "Thornhill" and why she took that chance against her usually better judgement- so there she was! Emily Blunt is a CLASS. ACT. In everything she does and I imagine her in a scene with Gwendoline COULD NEVER exist because it would be too powerful, solve all the world’s problems, and capitalism would break, societies would collapse. It could never happen. It wouldn’t be safe. Here’s her glow up, from fresh-out-of-the jungle, to letting Larissa buy her some new clothes and maybe letting her hair down every now and then, to nerdy botanist bombshell, at the New Nevermore Network, helping her girl rebuild things to be a more fair society for Outcasts. GORGE. 

ARE THESE ALL JUST WOMEN IN THEIR MID 40s THAT I HAVE A BIG LESBIAN CRUSH ON? YEAH, YEAH THEY ARE. There’s obviously more for staff at Nevermore and the Network but I have a solid 5k to get to writing still this evening. The rest of my OCs are pretty minor (well villain aside), and I don’t really care enough about any man to spend the time looking for pictures of /boys/. These are the 3 OCs that are featured the most, anyway. Some day I’ll find enough energy to do the rest. I have extreme face-blindness when I read, and the ONLY WAY I can thusly write an OC is if my beta makes a powerpoint presentation for me with an actor/ress in mind for me to visualize in the role. When I tell ya, she hit the nail on the head with those three above? Unbelievable.  Another favorite not-OC, but someone I HARDCORE RECASTED FOR THIS would be Granny Frump. We went from Margaret Hamilton (OG Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz) in the 1960s Addams Family, which is EXCELLENT CASTING, but to fit the more modern-era Wednesday 2022 adaptation, and to give a flair of the drama as to perhaps where Morticia “gets it from,” I decided to cast someone only two years older than Catherine Zeta-Jones to give that “Frump Homespun Magic” storyline some weight of ‘the potions and beauty charms work’ and went with a non-actress, for the aesthetics (though she could KILL IT her appearances are small), and that is the one and only, What Not To Wear’s Stacy London.

Like IMAGINE that matching vibe with CZJ’s Morticia? Stacy has similar build/some features in common, and with the all black hair BUT WITH HER SIGNATURE gray stripe? Iconic. (And that was also Grandpa “Clint’s” backstory last chapter, as in Stacy and Clinton’s dramatic saga. HEY - IF YOU DONT HAVE INSIDE JOKES WITH YOUR BETA in your writing, what’s the point??) Stacy’s voice and CZJ’s Morticia voice together would be SO GRATING and Wednesday would just be so in-her-element between them, I LIVE.  3. I usually just visualize what I’d want the characters to wear! I don’t often have picture inspiration - though sometimes I am writing and it says in bold highlight DESCRIBE THE DRESS - TRACEY FIND ME A DRESS, and she sends me some pictures to go through so I can just describe a garment without having to make it up. I don’t have a Pinterest I’d be willing to share. It’s just a binder full of women in a way that would probably unsettle most. 

4. I usually write about 2-2.5k an hour if that is all I’m focused on. I probably average 4-9k on a work day without a second job or social obligation after work, and the most I’ve ever written on a single day that I had no work, other ‘sponserbilities, or social plans was 21k. On an average weekend with like one thing to do during the day and some chores and relaxation time not writing, I probably go around 14-16k per day. At the same time I started this fic, I set a new year resolution to myself to only work my contracted hours, so with the exception of a few crazy times in the school year - like conferences - I work from 8:00-15:30 M-F, and I live a three minute walk from my school, so I don’t even lose time commuting. I also stopped working on weekday evenings on the side in August, and starting in 2024 will not be doing any extra side work at all. I don’t sleep great but I do try! :) Thanks for the questions! I've been meaning to give some faces to those 3 OCs. I strongly encourage you to print out pictures of them and post them on your fridge, you will be 100% happier if you do.

[karaspal]

just wanted to say how much I love your post about brainy in supergirl! I’ve written literal essay-length posts about how I think the show did him dirty and how much potential his and Kara’s friendship/relationship had, and also rewrote all of Supergirl season 2 to have Brainy arrive instead of Mon-El so I’m 100 percent with you there.

thank you very much! :)

your s2 fic is actually one of my favorite cwsg fics. link here

i don't talk about the show a lot on this acc, but i will now use this ask to state some of my opinions that no one really asked for about karadox / kara and querl's romantic partners. it's probably going to be a bit long lol.

(disclamer, but i don't consider s6b as a part of the show. like, at all. i think it's a disgrace and an insult to all the characters/story. for me, the show ends with 6x07. period. nothing after that is canon as far as i'm concerned. i ain't touching it with a 10-foot pole. i just, i don't acknowledge it as part of the story. that shit did NOT happen. so just keep that in mind because when i'm discussing the overall story, for me, the overall story is 1x01 - 6x07.)

since this turned out to be a very long post, i divided it into sections. opinions below the cut. enjoy my bitter ramblings :)

1) querl dox and the wasted potential of his character

ngl my opinions of the show have definitely changed a lot since it ended, but to this day, i still think querl as a character, as well as karadox, are the show's biggest wasted potential. they are literally my second favorite kara ship on the show (with superdey being first and superdreamer third). they had chemestry. their personalities meshed well. they could relate to each other on a deep, personal level. i don't know what happened there. and they didn't even need to have them date each other. a strong friendship would've sufficed. kara and brainy had, like, three scenes with each other each season. and kara is the main lead. shouldn't she have a strong bond with all of her supporting cast??? it's her supporting cast, they are literally there for her. HELLO??? the show truly was scared of their chemistry.

kara has a sense of justice, so does querl. kara is a hero, so is querl. kara knows what it's like to miss your home (krypton), so does querl (the future). kara is a nerd, so is querl. and, they are both cat people. and aliens.

honestly, the show failed querl as a character. maybe it's because i'm a space fam fan, but his character was truly likable only when he was interacting with kara, alex or j'onn. it's probably because he felt like he could be himself the most with them since kara and j'onn are both aliens and alex is cool like that. i really don't like how the show handled brainy in s4 and s5a. he is not a dorky dude??? he is a mean bitch. s3 had that vibe well enough. and him in 6x01 - 6x04? peak querl. he did not care about anything else, but kara. as he should, as he should.

it also really pissed me off how ableist the show was toward querl (as a neurodivergent person myself). they reduced him to a quircky dude, which was both infantilizing and hurtful. most of the time, him being "quircky and funny" was him being anxious or just genuinely not getting social cues (which is neither funny, nor a bad thing. he is still a full-grown capable adult even if sometimes he doesn’t get a social cue. can this show be normal about people with autism geez?). he wasn't trying to be funny. treat him like an adult, not an "adorable boy who just doesn't get it"!!! also, what was that wardrobe? nothing he wore fit. what was that even about? they should've let jesse show his strong arms!!! and what was that hair cut? brainy’s hair in s5b>>>

this is just my personal opinion, but the show not doing a character study on kara through querl's eyes was a missed opportunity. and it's not even a missed opportunity for querl, it's for kara!!! i mean, they kind of did with the quote from 6x02, but i want more. and not just querl, everyone!!! all the supporting cast i like. i want to see kara through their eyes. i'm just a sucker for multiple povs lol.

2) the show's inability to write romance pt.1: karamel

literally anyone on that ship who wasn't mon-el would've been ten times better. i hate that man. he is the worst. and the whole kara / mon-el romance did not work. one bit. he was not a good match for her. kara literally gaslit herself into liking him. up until 2x11, she did not like that man. every time she asked him if he liked her, she looked relived when he told her no. mon-el literally kissed her and she didn’t say anything lol. and she was genuinely upset when she found out he’s working with her because he wanted to date her, not because he wanted to be a decent person. kara rejected him twice. literally went to his job to tell him she doesn't like him. unprompted. that was so funny.

mon-el: so what do you want to drink?

kara: dude, no offense, but ew for having a crush on me. you suck. you are the problem. the way you are is just, eh. just letting you know.

mon-el: :/ … i'll just get my coworker to take your drink order. i’m going to go over there now.

like, mon-el got it the first time lol. kara did not have to go to his work and tell him again (i'm referring to the beginning of 2x11). but also, he had it coming.

i honestly think kara dated him because she felt like everyone was pulling away from her and she was scared to be alone again. i mean, it was during the time she was fighting with her best friends (the bisexual boyfriends winn and james) and her sister was not spending much time with her since she was with her (toxic) girlfriend. on top of that, part of kara's story in the early seasons is unlearning all the bullshit jeremiah and eliza forced her to do so she could "fit in" ("don't be too smart", "make sure not to stand out", "go on dates, find a partner. it's what humans do"). so her abandonment issues, mixed with her belief that you need a partner to fit in and be happy because "that's what humans do", pushed her to mon-el. it also doesn't help alex decided to push the last of her internalized comhet on her sister ("well, mon-el likes you so are you sure you don't like him either?" no. no, she doesn't. this is not slander to alex tho, it's the writers fault. alex is my girl, and i love her very much.)

and, on top of that, technically, for kara, mon-el was the closest thing to a kryptonian. in a way, he reminded her of her home (even if he was the furthest from that). she romanticised him a lot (she said so herself in 3x15). she felt like she could be herself with him, because he was too an alien. but the thing was, mon-el hated his planet and didn’t miss it at all. and for all of krypton’s faults, kara still missed her home a lot. mon-el couldn’t related to her the way kara thought he could.

all these factors - 1) kara’s abandonment issues (because almost everyone was pulling away from her), 2) the belief installed by her adoptive parents that you need a romantic partner to fit in and appear normal (eliza would get upset with her if she didn’t go on enough dates), 3) most of her friends looking genuinely happy in their romantic relationships (happiness kara wanted to experience too and not realising that happiness looks different for different people so she assumed a relationship would make her happy), 4) last of alex’s comphet telling her that maybe she likes him too because he likes her (even if there were no indications and in fact, kara said she didn’t like him and looked disappointed when she found out he did), and 5) mon-el being the “closest” to her home (even if that was far from the truth), resulted in kara reassuring herself mon-el would make her happy and that he is good for her. even though he wasn’t.

i honestly believe that if kara had nia as a friend in s2, she would've never dated mon-el. nia would've taken one look at that annoying man and laughed. and then she and kara would've spent the rest of the season making fun of him lol.

i really love how s3 ended for kara. she finally accepted that she's happy with her life and doesn't need a partner to make her happy. i also think there are a lot of elements in kara's story that are asexual-coded and maybe one day i'll make a whole separate post about it. i mean, forcing yourself to date someone because 1) they like you, 2) almost everyone else around you is in a relationship, and 3) you've been taught dating is the norm, and if you don't, you're weird, is pretty much the standard asexual experience.

it honestly baffles me how much the show messed up mon-el. comics!mon-el would've literally fited perfectly. especially post-infinte crisis one. he was learning how to live life. he was experiencing things for the first time. he respected women. he was a hero and a good man. and he was working as a law enforcer, which would've paired up nicely with kara's journalism story. they could've worked together on cases and such. he could’ve been her source. and he had a british accent. give me british mon!!!

i understand the show wanted someone to "challange" kara and push all her buttons, but mon-el never did that. well, he did annoy her a lot so in a way, he did push all her buttons. but not in the way the show wanted. everything kara thought and said about him, was true. he was a scumbag. he was a horrible person. he was literally the prince of daxam. that man just straight up sucked.

it's also crazy how much mon-el did not understand kara. he literally called her elitist (3x11) when that's the furthest from the truth. someone needed to beat his ass with a catco magazine. that woman is literally a journalist who fights for every voice to be heard! what was he talking about? and one can make the argument that she was "elitist" because she had "prejudice" (very valid opinions) against daxamites. but she literally hated them because they took people away from their families. in what world is that elitism??? is he fr??? bro should've just opened one article written by her. or just listen to what she was saying. like, how am i supposed to root for mon-el when he doesn't understand one of the main things about kara? and compared to will, who called kara's work "art", nia, who hyped kara up and called her intelligent before kara was about to go on stage for a debate, and querl, who has helped her with her articles and called her words maggic, mon-el is nothing. these three people are a perfect fit for kara and understand her well. mon-el? not so much.

another thing he didn't understand was who kara was to her core. and she literally told him. she told him "supergirl is what i can do. kara is who i am." and when they were on argo he told her "now you can be yourself, supergirl." no??? she told him she’s kara and supergirl is what she can do??? did he ever listen to her??? and she literally responded with “not supergirl. kara.”

fuck mon-el. truly the worst. but at least kara realized she doesn't need a partner to be happy, and now she knows what she doesn't want in a relationship. for what it's worth, karamel provided a good character development for her.

also, while i’m here, fuck mon-el’s fans too. you guys suck! karamel shippers who are kara fans and have more ships for her, other than mon-el, this isn’t about you guys!!! cw!mon-el fans are homophobic (to alex), xenophobic (“kara shouldn’t feel at home on earth” / they hate kara danvers. sorry that a refugee finally found happiness again, and a family that loves and respects her in her adopted world i guess? fucking weirdos. kara being kara danvers doesn’t take away from her being kara zor-el too. kara danvers will always be a kryptonian, even if most people don’t know that. and alex danvers will always be kara zor-el’s sister, just as much as kara danvers’ because guess what, kara danvers and kara zod-el are actually synonymous and not two different people.) and have a strange hate for adopted families (by denying how important alex actually is to kara. which is pretty funny because mon-el got divorced because imra chose her sister over him. as would’ve kara, if it ever came to that. maybe mon-el should just choose to date an only child?)

3) the show's inability to write romance pt.2: brainia

honestly, they are nowhere near as bad as karamel. i'm a fan of both nia and querl. i'd definitely say their relationship was just two good people not being compatible.

i did not like how brainia took away so much from nia's story. she is my favorite supergirl character after the spacefam (kara being my fav, and alex and j'onn sharing second place). her story arc in s4 was so good. but then the writers stopped her character development and reduced her to her romantic relationship in s5. and for what? in s5, she was supposed to figure out her powers more, become a better journalist, mourn her mother and get over her guilt for not being able to save her, and come to terms with the fact that izabel would never be able to teach her how to use her powers. yet, none of this happened. why? because they reduced her to brainy's girlfriend. and for what? most of the nia-focused scenes in s5 were brainia focused (minus 5x15). i love brainy, but i'm so upset about this. like, it's not his fault per se, but also, fuck that guy (not really, i’m just joking). his existence (kinda) screwed over nia. ideally, him and nia would’ve never dated, each would’ve had their own story and he would’ve went back home at the end of s5 after actually outsmarting lex instead of whatever the writers did.

and if it wasn't bad enough that they messed with nia's story, they completely butchered her character whenever she was around querl. like, i'm sorry, but she would not tell him he's too much and needs to change when he literally told her that's just how he is. she literally advocates for people to be able to be fully themselves!!! be serious!!! that was so ooc for her. she would've handled brainy "love bombing" her by telling him that it's neither her nor his fault, they should just find a middle ground. and she would've told him that calmly. they would've had an adult conversation about it. it's clear the show used nia to push their ablestic views (because telling a neurdivergent person they are being too much when in reality, they are just being themselves, is wrong) onto brainy and that's fucking awful. she would never say that. how do they not understand her? they literally created her??? it also pissed me off so bad that when kara got sucked into the phazntom zone, nia wasn't worried about her. she was more worried about wanting to make things work with brainy. i promise you, nia loves kara way more that she loves querl. she would've been so worried about her best friend, she wouldn't have given two fucks about that man. and especially since her entire story in s5b was getting over him. why would she want to take his ass back???

and honestly, brainia was just not that good of a relationship. despite them taking all of nia’s story in s5, they were still underdeveloped. most of stuff we know about them were told to us, not shown. in 5x18, nia tells brainy she promised to be there for him when he took of his inhibiters, but that never happened? querl broke up with her the same episode he took them off and she didn’t bother reaching out to him after. of course, she had every right to do that. he was her ex after all and she didn’t owe him anything. but claiming she was there for him when she wasn’t, is not correct. in 5x11 she says her nickname for him was “wild cat”, but she never really used it while they were in a relationship. again, this an example of the show telling, not showing. in 5x19, nia says her and brainy were more than just boyfriend/girlfriend, they were partners. which, again, we saw very little of. like i said, most of their relationship was told, not shown. and this is not how you build a good romantic relationship when telling a story. there’s also the whole erasing nura nal from existence thing lol. and i can’t say i’m the biggest nura fan, but mysa nal is my girl. she doesn’t deserve to be erased like that.

and, look, i’m all for characters having flaws. had the show have nia being a bad girlfriend be presented as a character flaw, i wouldn’t have had a problem. but they acted like she was always right, when most of the time, she wasn’t. i’m talking about when they were in a relationship, nia did have every right to tell brainy to fuck off after he broke up with her. it wasn’t her job to reach out to him in s5b, it was his friends’. i still don’t know why no one checked on him. especially since we know kara, alex and j’onn are actually all close friends with him. and i can kinda understand kara because she is way closer with nia, but alex and j’onn? they are closer to brainy.

and because i have enough time, and this is probably the only time i’m speaking on brainia, i’m actually going to break down nia’s main story/role in every episode she was in in s5 to show you how much this relationship consumed her story:

5x01 - nia works on getting brainy to be more comfortable with physical touch;

5x02 - brainy bombards nia with food and she tells him to knock it down a bit (respectfully);

5x03 - brainy bombards nia with words of affirmation and nia tells him to knock it off and that he is being too much, they break up (?). in this episode, nia also helps j’onn;

5x04 - brainy and nia make up. nia also helps kara;

5x05 - nia stops a big wave (that was actually pretty cool). she also calms down her friend kelly;

5x10 - nia is there to support her boyfriend. they broke up at the end (hooray!);

5x11 - nia is getting over the break up. she has a talk with winn and he tells her to never let anyone make her question her own worth;

5x14 - minor role, but she saves kara so that was pretty cool;

5x15 - the only nia-focused episode. she takes down a violent transphobe. this episode shows us she still holds guilt over what happened to her mother and she’s still struggling with her powers. if only the show explored these two things in the previous 14 episodes. she is also still not over her ex;

5x16 - nia serves cunt during jeremiah’s funeral;

5x18 - kara and nia stop that old dude and when brainy takes him to the deo, they go with him. after the deo’s destruction (which, hooray. i hated the deo), nia has a fight with querl. in this episode, she also has a dream about him;

5x19 - nia is still upset about her break up with querl. she keeps having dreams about him she chooses to ignore. at the end, she finally figures out what they are about. also, her and the super friends fight leviathan;

like i said, brainia takes a majority of nia’s story. if the scene isn’t about her and brainy in some way, it would be about her doing standard superhero stuff or helping her friends. which, don’t get me wrong, is great. i like that they portray nia as a good friend. but these scenes aren’t really about her, they are about her friends. i don’t think it’s all brainia’s fault per se. it’s clear the show just didn’t give her enough screen time. but when all her personal stories this season revolve around her romantic relationship, it’s hard for me not to be annoyed about it. especially since brainy had his own storyline, away from nia. and much more screne time. and i’m not saying he didn’t deserve it. he did. he is a great character. it’s not his fault, it’s the writers’. but when the guy in the relationship has more screen time/an actual, personal storyline and the girl has none of that, i will be upset. you should not be reducing a woman to being a love interest. especially in a feminist show! i just don’t get why the show had to use her limited screen time for this relationship, when they had many more important storylines they had to continue when it came to nia. they literally used most of her screen time for her relationship with brainy and brainy’s screen time for his own story. why not have both of them have separate stories and use some of their screen time for their relationship (since they wanted it so bad)?

brainia not only messed with nia's story, but also butchered her character, and that's so so infuriating. she deserves better. brainia to nia's character is what people belive karamel is to kara's character - a relationship that consumes her story and stops her character development. i don't even hate brainia because i'm a karadox and a superdreamer shipper. they aren't even the endgame ships i have for kara. it's superdey. i dislike brainia because i absolutely love nia and her story, and i think she deserves better. i also think brainy deserved better. at the end of the day, yes, it was ooc for nia to act this way, but she still acted this way and was not a good girlfriend to querl.

as a nia fan, i’m upset how much brainia took from her story/screen time. as a brainy fan, i’m upset how nia treated him while they were in a relationship. this relationship was not good for either of them. the only reason most people claim to like it is because brainy wasn’t dating kara and they don’t really care about nia as her own character.

anways. that's my long ass rant. hope you guys enjoyed. :)

[nova-lightz]

I'm gonna ramble.

I really love that the drama in Cherry Magic is mostly derived from Adachi's self-esteem issues. I feel like the show itself serves as a good reminder that a lot of our worries about how we are perceived, are mostly from our own heads and don't reflect the reality of what others actually think about ourselves.

It's hard to remember that people genuinely don't know what we're insecure about without saying anything about them in the first place, we just assume they know from the very start; which is what Adachi did plenty of times through out the show. His anxiety is painfully relatable but that's what makes him such an endearing and impactful character.

Kurosawa also did the same, but in his own flavour. Before Kurosawa started talking to Adachi more frequently, he always masked his true emotions as he went about his day getting taken advantage of by higher-ups at Toyokawa and getting unwanted attention from women who only liked him for his looks.

Because of how long Kurosawa has masked himself and how well he hides his true personality (being kind of a goofball and a closet nerd), Kurosawa constantly worries about Adachi thinking that he's not good enough to be worth having as a romantic partner. When Kurosawa's facade of a perfect businessman falls by the wayside, he's extremely ashamed of his mistakes and mentally berates himself for merely being a flawed human who has hobbies.

I know this stuff isn't a really big deal—I'm just a fan who won't shut up about CM—but it truly is comforting to see a show that explores themes that aren't talked a lot about despite how common of a problem it is for people to experience. Insecurity hurts! Constantly walking on eggshells to avoid potentially getting hurt by others for being yourself, is suffocating! The idea of getting getting kicked out of social circles for being different can ruin a person's sense of self-worth!

Cherry Magic commentates on all these things while delivering a heartfelt and funny story about really awkward, gay salarymen. It's so sweet and adorable and makes me all uwu mushy, but also TAT devastated when I think about how deeply ingrained Kurosawa's and Adachi's insecurity issues are that they lasted into their 30s.

Being human is hard, but it is possible to find people who do want to stick with you regardless of how hard you think you are to love. It's possible. I've done it, my favorite fictional characters have done it, and you can do it too. You just gotta put yourself out there, make your existence known, get perceived.

[reitheist]

bucchigiri ep 9 thoughts:

taken over huh... is that also what senya is doing to arajin maybe? like with the magic trampstamp (words i never expected to write...)

shindo is a bitch and pathetic but i enjoy his character unfortunately (in my defense, my interpretation of him threatening to do That to mahoro was just to make arajin pissed and get him to reveal senya. i think it was kind of narrative low-hanging fruit honestly.)

'is that a yes or no' take a wild fucking guess buddy

zabuuuuuu you are such a good friend

senya hitting people as a show of affection lol

matakara gathering money, presumably he was saving to get an apartment with his brother. what's he planning to use it for?

oh my godddd the cat boy drama 💀 this side gag is so stupid but so funny i love it. i imagine jasmine as as a pure white long hair cat and pu'er as a classic brown tabby. also cat boy getting way too invested in his personal life is *chefs kiss*

arajin is trying his absolute best to convince himself he doesn't care about matakara

the dynamic between komao, zabu, and ara is really funny. i think in other shows they might just sideline the friend characters but they really have an awkward 'friend of a friend' dynamic i like. komao isn't really socially aware enough to be mean to ara despite being him being mean to matakara, and zabu is more hostile but puts most of that aside for matakara's sake. it's like your friends scoping out your awful crush lmao

THE LIFE SIZED NAKED MARITO DOLL? EXCUSE ME??? there is so much wrong with mahoro oml

wait is the life sized naked marito doll marito's? that's somehow weirder.

mahoro, is that concern for a person who isn't your brother? wow

matakara :(

so is the 'monster' literal or metaphorical? interesting

ichiya you're hot as hell but stop telling matakara to draw away from his friends you bitch

'one person would've wanted it' stopppppp 😭 arajin is realizing he liked having matakara around while matakara is being turned against his friends by ichiya. the dramatic irony is killing me

the fact that this 'love forever stone' is a lake blue stone wrapped specifically in a blue cloth as well... that thing is definitely going to be given to matakara by the end, right? pretty gay if you ask me.

ohhhh my god mahoro character growth. plus her relating to him specifically through their shared brother idolization is a good touch. very sweet

mahoro's basically saying like "dude how are you only focused on yourself and me right now. how have you not noticed your childhood friend is depressed and crazy in love with you. like seriously he has not been subtle. at all." lmao i love herrrrrrr

mahoro deserves her own show

also relieved to have ara's interpretation of matakara and mahoro's relationship as romantic to be kind of trivialized again in this scene. i think their dynamic is more interesting as two very different personalities which share just enough to relate with each other. she only wants ara to get his shit together for matakara's sake. i want them to be besties please

arajin is The Worst with emotions huh. he can't read other's feelings and he's somehow worse at reading his own. he needs to stop being relatable right this second

yknow at this point i think i can say i truly and properly enjoy arajin as a character. he's mostly an asshole and deeply emotionally unintelligent but i like him regardless and because of it

ah senya ichiya and arajin matakara parallels as i expected

so does senya=matakara and ichiya=arajin kind of?

i really wasn't joking about them being exes huh

stoppppp ichiya gave him his name? senya was and continues to be so ridiculously down bad

'he meant absolutely everything to me.' dude.

senya is trying to get ara and matakara together bc he couldn't do that for him and ichiya

i am so gd curious what happened to drive them apart

matakara losing sight why he wanted to become a honki person in the first place (ara) and trying to destroy it

'what senya wants is your body' context needed.

i'm thinking maybe ichiya is willing to fully take over bodies and senya isn't, thus why he hasn't done it to arajin already. that or he was planning to in the beginning but got too attached

ohhh this is gonna make for a good dramatic fight

ughhhh another really good episode. i think the story's finally full found its stride. very hyped for the last 3 episodes. i think next episode will probably deal with betrayal between senya and ara, leading senya to explain exactly what happened between him and ichiya. matakara will trying to fight ara and ara will have to run away, frustrating matakara even more. mahoro might focus on trying to help matakara

[utilitycaster]

I keep thinking abt your "'must a story have conflict?' Yes actually hope this helps" posts in the context of laudna and imogen because like. Their shippers keep saying like. "You just don't UNDERSTAND the beauty of their Perfect Relationship, the bond that Traumatized People have that makes them In Tune, so sad how you will never understand love or being with another etcetera etcetera" and it's like. what the hell are you talkinf about (they're usually the kind of ppl with weird and bad narrative ideas re: their traumas so uwu sad everyone is against them). Don't we want this relationship to be healthy and beneficial to both of them? Don't get me wrong, I love Toxic Girl Yuri fucked up tragic relationships as much as anyone else but shippers pretty clearly aren't angling for that kind of story, and neither would the trajectory of the campaign support it. The onscreen dynamic isn't even spicy enough to HAVE toxic codependency it's just. There.

what's funny is that actually my favorite era of their relationship was the "we transcend labels, you and I" thing Laudna said to Imogen. Partly bc personal aro feelings but also because THAT felt like genuine no expectations support to fall back on. The idea that they could just Be and always be It wasn't ASKING for the kind of dynamicism of a romantic relationship such and such, but now with the girlfriends thing, it feels like now there should be WAY more than what's been happening. Does any of this make sense?

Hey anon,

So I largely agree (will cover the one point of not entire agreement below). I do want to note that if you're the person who's sent me other questions recently on this topic please feel free to DM me! I think it's valid to want to voice those frustrations, and I get not wanting to do so publicly (though I think the harassment on Tumblr at least has largely died down) but also to be completely honest I have been fully in a Nein and Candela headspace with a handful of exceptions mostly relating to wiki stuff so I've been answering these anons but I'll admit it's not where my thoughts have been re: CR stuff for the past few weeks.

Anyway, I can understand the desire for a QPR or simply close friends for Imogen and Laudna! I am not aro myself, and I do enjoy a good romantic plot, but I'd rather have a well-executed story with no romance than a good story slightly marred by poorly done romance. However, it's actually really interesting to me (in a good/neutral way) that you recall it as "we transcend labels" because the actual quote (3x49, 4:52:57) is "We transcend words, you and I" and I could not stand that because my frustration has again always been that they spend a lot of time talking, and absolutely none of it communicating; they have never transcended words, they have simply not fucking used them well. More generously, I think a relationship in which a couple is on such a wavelength that they do have a sense of how the other feels without needing to talk (or read minds, in this situation) can be aspirational in real life, though again, I don't think that's actually what's going on here; but even if it were, that is not remotely interesting to watch. I truly do not give a shit in the end if relationships on the shows I watch are healthy or unhealthy provided the narrative knows what it's fucking doing and I think people who are obsessed with unproblematic wholesomeness are frankly suspect, but man, either be toxic codependent yuri or be two people trying to understand each other, instead of two people who seem to only occasionally remember that they are important to each other, and never seem to remember why.

But yes, the fact that virtually nothing has changed despite a relationship upgrade, especially in light of the relationship losing my interest as a platonic thing 30 or 40 episodes prior to them becoming a romantic couple is now thrown into more stark relief because you'd think something would change. Like, that's the thing. There was no romance; there was no plot. While I think the people who insisted from the start that CLEARLY they were already dating are the kind of people who would unironically ship my mop and broom solely on the basis of them leaning against each other next to my garbage can, at least if they had already been dating from the start a lack of forward momentum could be somewhat forgiven. I say somewhat, because Veth and Yeza were married from before the campaign or, for a platonic option, the twins were...twins from before the campaign, and both those relationships were still infinitely more complex and ever-changing and thoughtful over the course of their respective campaigns than whatever Imogen and Laudna were doing; it still, to be clear, would have been dishwater dull. But it would have been forgivably so; I would have simply politely lost interest episode 5 or whenever and moved on without saying much, whereas now there's a series of increasingly lowered bars in their wake.

So anyway, yeah. It sure is There.

[smolthealmighty]

Spinaraki Week 4 Day 7: All

Who Tells Your Story and How Does It End?

It’s the day of Spinner’s final book signing, just one more day of meeting and greeting the people who were touched by his work, and then he’ll have served his sentence and be considered a free man (with all his royalties to boot). But before he can start the next chapter of his life, he’ll have to reflect on what he gained and lost with his final fan.

Another fan walking up, another round of awkward yet meaningful back-and-forth about how much the book and its story means to the both of them, another autograph with a personalized note, and another “farewell and good luck”.

This had been Shuichi Iguchi’s Sisyphean routine for the past couple years. Ever since his account of the villains who he called friends was miraculously allowed to be published for the masses to read, his life had become a seemingly endless parade of book tours, seminars, speeches, and charity events all in the name of making sure no one got left behind or fell through the cracks like the League of Villains had. It was tough work for him, he didn’t think he could ever truly feel comfortable under a spotlight or on a podium, but it was worth it.

It was worth it to see just how many people whose hearts he had touched with his story, from people who were shaken out of their apathy after seeing what the villains went through to make them who they were, to people who had gone through similar circumstances themselves and got the courage to take action after reading his book. Some people were inspired to go into politics and law to fix the system, others were motivated to simply change their behavior to be more empathetic and reach out to those who looked like they needed help.

It was funny, Shuichi thought, that he out of everyone had inherited Tomura’s dream, that he had been the one who finally spun that dream into reality, and did so by putting his own spin on it. It was funny, in a bittersweet sort of way.

Today was going to bring a break in that routine though. Today was the final day of his sentence. True, he got off a bit easier compared to what he feared would happen, but three years of time in a mental health facility followed by five years of book related “community service” under the watchful eye of the rehabilitation program created in the wake of the war was still quite a lot to go through. And after this final book signing event was over, he could take his book royalties and walk out into the world without any further consequence. He could consider himself a free man.

The fans came, they were greeted, they laughed, they cried, they commiserated, they praised, they got their books signed, they left. Over and over until finally there was only one guest left.

The guest had shoulder length black hair that was half up in a bun even messier than Himiko’s had been, and Shuichi could tell it was dyed by the lighter roots. He was wearing a decent enough suit and a heavy coat on over that, with a flu mask covering his mouth. Still, the outfit did nothing to hide the vibes of anxiety this guy was exuding in spades.

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Shuichi greeted him, “Who should I make this autograph out to?”

“Hmm, oh no name don’t put a name I’m… not sure what my name is,” the guest physically winced at his own unconvincing excuse.

“Ok, I’ll address it to ‘schmoopy’. That’s your name now.”

Schmoopy looked bewildered but also a bit amused, so Shuichi gave himself an internal pat on the back for getting the guest to chill.

“I have questions.”

Shuichi looked up from the book he was signing, “What kind of questions?”

“Several.”

“…Ok, shoot.”

“The parts with Tomura Shigaraki read like a love story. Was that intentional?”

Shuichi was glad he was already finished with signing the book, because he knew he would’ve accidentally destroyed the autograph if he’d been asked this in the middle of it.

“Well, not at first.”

Schmoopy’s raised eyebrow indicated he was surprised that Shuichi didn’t deny the claim, so he began to explain.

“When I first started trying to write this story, I had actually intended it to be this grand immortalization of Tomura’s philosophy on how ‘hero society needs to be demolished in order to reject it the same way it rejects those who can’t fit into the roles it needs’. So like Destro’s Manifesto Part 2: Electric Boogaloo. Of course that’s not what came out, because that was a terrible idea and I couldn’t write that if I tried. What I found much easier to write about was just the story of our journey together. How we all met, when and how we became friends, what fights we got into and who we lost along the way, how we fought back and what we gained out of it. Writing about my friends helped me process everything, let me reminisce on the time we spent together but also grieve their passing. And well, that’s how I ended up realizing what story genre my bond with Tomura would’ve matched the best.”

“A romance?” probed Schmoopy.

“Yeah,” Shuichi replied fondly before continuing, “It wasn’t until I was able to lay it all on paper that I understood what direction our relationship was heading. Our first time playing video games, how quickly we became attached to each other within the following weeks, the emptiness I felt and how Tomura’s response was to quickly empathize with me, my promise to support him, his eagerness to show me he was worth supporting, the lengths each of us went through to make the other’s dream come true,” here Shuichi’s voice wobbled before he steadied himself, “and how he dedicated his final words to me. Each individual moment was precious on its own, but altogether it became an obvious love story. I didn’t set out to write a romance, I just happened to have found one after it had already ended.”

“I’m sorry,” Schmoopy consoled.

“It’s okay,” Shuichi placated, “With how I grew up I thought I’d never be loved at all. It’s not the best outcome, but I’m glad to know that someone loved me truly, and loved me as much as I loved them in return.”

Schmoopy paused for a moment, and Shuichi wondered if he’d said too much, but the guest pressed on with another question.

“Ok, next one. Considering everything that happened, from meeting the league, befriending and falling in love with Tomura, and knowing the tragic ending of it all… would you do it again?”

“Yes. I mean hypothetically speaking, if I got thrown back in time to the moment I first met my friends and I could use what I know now to affect the outcome, then I absolutely would. I’d bond with them sooner, take more detours for side missions that didn’t add much to our progress but were fun to do anyway. I’d make more time to just hang out with Tomura and enjoy that time together, maybe figure out my feelings for him sooner. Maybe I’d even be able to convince Tomura not to get the sketchy surgery that caused everything to go downhill, to ease himself into getting more power. Who knows how society would’ve turned out if that was the route we took. But, even if I couldn’t change anything, I’d still do it all again. After all, it’s just even more time I would get to spend with the people who mattered to me the most, and with the guy who loved me best.”

Schmoopy’s mouth quivered and his eyes got watery, quite emotionally touched by that answer. “Sorry,” he apologized as he wiped his sleeve across his face, “got stuff in my eye.”

“Is it tears?”

“Oh shut up”, he snorted while continuing to vigorously rub the mess off of his face, his mask getting pushed around from how hard he was scrubbing, “I’ve got one final question.”

“Sure, take your time…” Shuichi said, then promptly became speechless as Schmoopy dropped his arm. The coat sleeve was covered in make up and the face mask had fallen off.

Schmoopy’s face was covered in golden cracks -no wait, they were healed over scars- making him look like a kintsugi masterpiece.

Schmoopy’s scars were most prominent around his eyes, but the largest two were almost identical scratches on his right eye and left lip.

Schmoopy also had a mole below the right side of his mouth and red eyes that shined with determination.

Schmoopy was Tomura Shigaraki, the love of his life.

“Final question. Now that your sentence is over and the statute of limitations of my crimes passed, would you maybe want to run away with me?”

As they sprinted hand-in-hand out of the building and blended into the crowd to start their next chapter together, Spinner giddily started planning out how he’d write the epilogue he’d have to add to his book the next time it got republished.

[iwoszareba]

truthbound

Knave/Socothbenoth

cw: questionable use of trickster powers of mind altering variety. (if i'm allowed VtM terms something like incomplete blood bond level of problematic.) also this is love-hate, awful, evil people ship

Socothbenoth's first dialogue was taken directly from the game

_ _ _

'Satisfaction' could not begin to describe how Socothbenoth felt. How can you properly put into words the pure euphoria of seeing your plans, that were years in the making, finally come to fruition?

The look of defeat on Nocticula's face will warm his heart for decades to come. To think that all it took was the right person at the right time for everything to fall into place. That and his invaluable guidance, of course. Helping to make the Crusade a spectacle of madness was an enjoyable diversion but there was nothing more he could gain from it.

"Well, now that everything is decided... I will bid you farewell, Knave. It is time for me to look for a new frien... I mean, someone new and exciting... Someone I can lead astray. I will convince them to join the glorious ranks of fools, jesters, and lovers of funny and vulgar stories! It's been a pleasure! I know you'll miss me!"

That's what he needed: a fresh start. But for now he could just kick back and bask in the afterglow of his accomplishments until it's time to set more goals or readjust the old ones.

"Don't you want to ask if I have a parting gift for you?"

He was already reaching for the door handle but that question stopped him in his tracks. He could just leave. He should just leave. But after all the crazy things this Knave-Commander pulled off… he couldn't deny curiosity. He turned around.

"You got me something? Darling, you shouldn't have. Getting to see you grow from a confused, bloodthirsty puppy, into a distinguished creature of chaos was a gift enough."

He expected to see him as usual: all smiles, craving any scrap of his attention, practically begging. Instead Knave looked at him with an unreadable expression, head slightly tilted as if considering. Somehow that was more concerning than any of his touch too wide grins. Curiosity wasn't worth this.

"Really it's fine… just send whatever it is via messenger, maybe that mangy thief of yours can drop it off at my place when he comes to the Abyss."

He grabbed the handle and pushed but his relief was disturbed by the sharp, electric sound of magic. As he took one step through the doors, a portal brought him face to face with the Commander once again.

"I can't believe you thought you could just leave without my say-so. I would take offence at the rudeness if it wasn't so adorable."

This was not how Socothbenoth imagined this goodbye. Maybe he miscalculated, maybe he shouldn't have implied earlier that they probably will never meet again. He often forgot that some people can get attached so easily. No matter, he can play along for a while more.

"Can you blame me? I am a busy man. Especially now, when you helped to create so many new opportunities for me. Something I'll always be grateful for."

"Tsk tsk, tsk. Liar, liar pants on fire. Do you ever get tired of your own bullshit?"

Socothbenoth opened his mouth but before he could find words to rebuke such insolence Knave continued his little tirade.

"I wonder if there is a single person you have ever been truly loyal to? I doubt you see anyone in your congregation as worthy enough, your lovers are tools to be kept or discarded, the Council was always a sham… you couldn't even keep a semi-decent relation with your own sister."

Mentioning Nocticula in such fashion was a step too far and even now it made Socothbenoth wince. He gritted his teeth and tried not to snarl his next words, but they still came out as an angry hiss.

"Is there a point to this?"

There was a level of smugness to Knave that only people who delight in hitting a nerve can display. Normally an attractive trait, not so much right now.

"I know such things are not in your nature and I don't blame you for that but… I admit it does make me curious. What would happen if I took all the honeyed words you fed me and made them true? Wouldn't that be refreshing? The sense that you said something and actually meant it."

Was that something he could do? Of course Socothbenoth heard the stories of Knave's exploits in Alushinyrra. Changing someone's form was not far from fleshwarping the demon lord would perform himself or teach to his faithful, but while similar in effect, Commander's powers seemed to work under a completely different paradigm. And physical matter still was nothing compared to something as intangible as 'the truth'.

"We can just talk about thi-"

Something deep inside him hummed, as if his very essence started to slightly vibrate awaiting what is going to happen to it next.

"You already talked plenty enough. Mmm what lies have you uttered... Maybe when you said you've been looking for someone exactly like me all these years?"

He was standing still but the sensation escalated to scraping at the back of his skull and squirming inside his chest. Impatient search for remembrance followed by a swift judgement.

"That was the truth! It's not my fault the meaning wasn't quite what you desired."

Knave nodded despite not looking convinced.

"I see, then what about those times you called me special… captivating… irreplaceable?"

The last word was the one that fully did the trick and started to ring at Socothbenoth's core with near-painful veracity. He felt feverish, as if his body was fighting to reject this foreign element, something so at odds with his demonic nature. But it was too late, this… connection has already taken root, strong and true, but twisted by the environment it found itself in. Addictive in its cravings and covetous in its devotion. Socothbenoth started to laugh hard enough that tar-like tears formed in the corners of his black eyes.

"What's so funny to you?"

The look of smug satisfaction on Knave's face was first replaced by confusion and then visible distress. He grabbed his chest as if to check the sensations there. Despite everything Socothbenoth couldn't help but delight in having the upper hand again.

"Oh, I just remembered something else I've said: we were made for each other, you were made for me."

Knave blinked in surprise.

"What? I don't recall anything like that."

Socothbenoth smiled lecherously, closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Knave's waist bringing their bodies together.

"At the time I had you so deep in the throes of passion, no wonder you were a little… distracted."

"...You are lying."

It sounded as half-hearted bargaining of someone not ready to accept the reality.

"Does it feel like a lie?"

Knave was biting his bottom lip in frustration, quite a tantalising sight.

"No. I guess I made sure of that."

It was easy to expect this sentence to be punctuated with an angry groan but what followed instead was a soft rumble of laughter. Knave's next words were barely a whisper.

"It is kind of funny, when you start to think about it."

That was not really the word Socothbenoth would use to describe their situation, but if comedy is in the unexpected… he had to admit that in his long life as a demon lord he has never felt… this, whatever it was. They stood for a while in silence, both lost in their own thoughts, still wrapped in an embrace. Neither seemed willing to release the other but Knave was first to break the strange tranquillity of the moment.

"I still hate you, you know." 

Demon lord faux gasped.

"Shouldn't it be 'I love you more than anything else in this world'?" 

There was a pause for struggle between admission and denial.

"The two aren't mutually exclusive."

The amount of vitriol in his voice was delightful. The Commander was way more exciting like this compared to when he was acting all star-struck.

"I just thought you would be all pliant now."

He purred trying to rile him up more but instead Knave furrowed his eyebrows in consideration.

"I don't… fully understand what I did but I'm fairly sure it's not a compulsion nor geas. I don't have to do anything. And neither do you. If you wish, you are free to leave."

He waved his hand around in a specific but messy gesture and Socothbenoth could tell that the portal in the doors behind them deactivated. Which was a sweet sentiment but he was no longer in a hurry.

"I am a busy man but I may have another moment to spare. Other jesters and madmen will have to wait another day…"

He pulled Knave into a kiss that felt hungry to the point where it made him consider a crazy notion, that perhaps the two of them exchanged a fraction of their souls and would have to tear each other open if they wanted to get them back.

[missielynne]

It actually makes me sad that so many people hate having Patience on the show---she adds humor, sly commentary on Puritan culture AND creepiness! And her dancing in front of the TV was one of the hardest I've laughed at this show! You and I will be the only two who miss her :) That's IF she's gone for good, which she might not be, right?

Other random comments, all of which are just my opinion:

In real life Jay and Sam would obviously be the kindest, best people and Jay and I could happily nerd out together, but as TV characters I think they're just not that interesting as individuals or a couple. I want to love them more and I obviously don't dislike them, but they're just the least interesting and funny part of every scene for me. And do we really need yet another sitcom couple where the female is depicted as basically always right and the male ends up having to apologize at the end of nearly episode even when he did nothing wrong? And I say that even as a feminist. Like if anything Sam should be apologizing every few episodes for shamelessly taking Jay for granted and just assuming he'll always immediately give in to all of her demands with no questions asked.

2. Wow, so this season they're not even pretending that Isaac misses Nigel at all, and his only regret about dumping Nigel at the altar is that it's further evidence of Isaac not being a good person/ghost, not because he really cares about Nigel on any level. I saw you had another message about how the writers have an uphill climb convincing us at this point that Isaac ever truly loved Nigel at all, especially when Nigel was so depressed over losing Isaac and Isaac has been so indifferent, and add me to the list of people who just couldn't see myself ever buying them as a balanced, loving couple at this point. Unpopular opinion, but I hope Nisaac is over for good.

3. I miss Hetty/Trevor. Even their small interactions last night made me happy. They're like the opposite of how I feel about Jay/Sam because in real life I wouldn't like Hetty/Trevor individually or together, but as a couple I find them so entertaining and weirdly poignant. They're similar in ways that enable them to understand each other but also more than different enough to keep things interesting. And the fact that we have an age difference ship where the female is the older one makes them even more unique. Based on interviews I've read, I kind of doubt the show will make them a romantic/sexual thing again, but I'd love it if they did.

4. Okay but why was Sas not there last night?! Was he with The Others, secretly plotting or something? Sas is fascinating to me because he has genuinely sweet moments and is clearly a huge romantic sap underneath his 'ironic detachment guy' exterior, BUT he can also in his own way be way more of a manipulator, instigator and seemingly callous jerk than Isaac, Hetty and Trevor.

5. I have reasons relating to my personal background for being very anti-drugs so I'm sure I'm just biased, but Flower still bugs me and I wish they'd find a way to sober her up and explore other aspects of her because stuff like naming every blade of grass and constantly bragging about "getting high" her entire pre-Ghosts life is just so old for me.

6. I know a lot of the above sound like complaints but I am actually loving this season so far, much more than season 3!

7. You don't have to respond to any of these but I so appreciate you letting us vent to you!

Oh, I am SO answering just because thoughts! ;)

Agree about Jay and Sam. Although they're worked into the show better than the BBC Ghosts couple, IMO, they still have what I see as a typical problem that plagues humans in ghost shows, especially if they are meant to be front and center like Sam and Jay are: they really aren't AS interesting. In a show called Ghosts, we want to know more about the ghosts, so I totally get where you're coming from with that, and I hope that the rumors of marital strife between Sam and Jay this season are because he's finally speaking up to her.

2. I wouldn't mind if Nisaac was over for good because like I've said and you say, the narrative that we're being shown is more about like, idealism and all that rather than something that is a loving and mutually beneficial relationship for both! And that's what I want to see. I mean, if I'm rooting for Chris the Dino stripper to die right before Isaac and Nigel's wedding because they made him perfect for Isaac at least on paper...yeah, that doesn't say a lot about them in the long run.

3. What I like about Hetty and Trevor is that I think they're a good fit for each other but like...friends with benefits was okay, you know? Not only are they incredibly entertaining as two individual characters together interacting but their partner in crime vibes were like way off the charts, and I loved them so much for that. I loved that they tried the formal couple thing and saw that it didn't work out, but kept what did. I hope we get SOMETHING with them as the show goes on, even if it's not a permanent coupling.

4. I love Sas. Honestly, he's probably my favorite male character and like I said in my initial thoughts about the episode last night, I would have loved for him to be there and tag team with Isaac to manipulate Patience back into the dirt. That would have been so fun and I hope they come up with another situation where that happens. I love that he can be the sensible one too, like he was with Hetty and her ankle picture and bringing her back to earth about that. He just entertains me so much. Hopefully he'll be back next episode.

5. Well, I mean I don't think Flower's ever gonna change because she was that way when she died and the things say you can't change from that, but I do think a bit more subtlety wouldn't have hurt because she kind of almost seems like a caricature sometimes rather than a person. Like Trevor was probably some degree of wacky cause of what he took before he died but we don't see that in him. I guess they went that hard with Flower because, you know, people think "Hippie," they think a certain thing and the writers didn't want people to be let down. But honestly, she's the one I could let go of the easiest. When we thought she was sucked off I was like "Okay great...moving on!" So I get you.

6. Don't worry. I love Ghosts to pieces and I have my nitpicks too. We critique because we love. And I agree that season four is off to very solid start and I can't wait to see where it goes.