#funniest thing I’ve seen all day if I’m honest

[kishdoodles]

Treebark Week 2024 - A Post-Mortem

Hi! If you haven’t seen, I have released seven (7!) videos for Treebark Week 2024! This wall of text is my behind the scenes and also post-mortem thoughts on the project, which I found worth documenting.

Even if you don’t end up reading the text, I appreciate every comment, tag, and view my videos get. I did it for the fun of it and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t do it for the attention. I did, because I think these videos are the funniest things I’ve ever released. Shoutout to @thefluxqueen for being my partner in crime and confidant for these. You saw my vision.

I wanted to do something for Treebark week but admittedly I had noooo idea. So this whole gimmick was a fun set up for me to stretch my creativity in. What started as “I’m just going to do everything in mspaint with a mouse” spiraled to “I think it’s going to get boring if everything’s in the same style, so I’m going to have to do something different everyday.”

The important factor to me throughout all of this is earnesty.

Even if its life started as a joke, this project is a love letter in every respect. This is what I grew up on, this is the YouTube that is precious to me. Capturing this era of time in 7 videos is all at once easy, yet surprisingly laborious.

First I planned the songs. Fitting the songs with the prompts was a brain scratcher, but once we (me and Spain) had a few in the rest slotted in pretty easily. Common thread was, of course, any popular song from the mid-late 2000s.

The first confirmed song was Sugar, Sugar for Sweet (Day 2) courtesy of Spain, given the Eddsworld video. We had a few songs for Burn (Day 3) or Infernal (Day 4) which we threw out (Elli Goulding’s Burn, 2NE1’s Fire, Steam Powered Giraffe’s Fire Fire, etc.) I ended up digging through my old playlist and listened to 20% Cooler, which after a realization I immediately slotted it for Frost (Day 1). Spain brought up the Heat Waves parody (Cold Spells) for Frost too, to which I realized I could just do regular Heat Waves, so that became what I did for Burn.

Bring Me To Life was brought to my attention (I forgot how, maybe Youtube recommendations?) and with the lyrics, it became the song for Blood (Day 7). The all time classic, Angel with a Shotgun, fit in nicely with the prompt of Divine (Day 4), so there was no contest. Another classic, Everytime We Touch, was harder to fit but I eventually reasoned through the prompts enough to fit it with Lips (Day 5) (the everytime we kiss part).

At this point, nothing I’ve found fit Day 6 (picnic/garden/strawberry) at ALL. So I decided the only way I knew how. RANDOM CHOICE!

Mad World won but that was a trap, for I have biased myself toward Animal I’ve Become at that point and it almost won, so I went with that instead. This is a lawless land. 

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The actual video ideas really came to me in piecemeal, so I’ll explain how I got each idea as I cover each day in order of when I completed them. 

20% Cooler (Day 1) was the most straightforward of the days. It was done in 1 hour and 30 minutes and I was purposefully being extremely literal about the lyrics. I already had the vision for what I want, and I didn’t want to care about quality all that much, so it came together really fast. 

For my process, I lined with mspaint brush and then bucket tooled with default colours. I took advantage of the new layer system mspaint added for some scenes, but otherwise it was as simple as just drawing. (Pictured, 3 layers for 2 scenes.)

It was really easy to just quickly edit in Windows Movie Maker 6 too, I just dragged the pictures in, slapped effects, roughly timed everything and it’s done.

Programs used: mspaint, Windows Movie Maker 6

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Sugar, Sugar (Day 2) was an honest effort at avoiding any complicated animations. I initially thought of doing an animation similar to the original video that inspired the song choice, but eventually scaled back because. I don’t want to animate. 

Thus came the decision of subject matter. I ended up settling on the demon roleplay because I thought it was the campiest thing in the world. And it was a sweet reunion, no? The lyrics just fit the vibe, and in a moment of brilliance (hitting the showers) I thought to make a visual novel. One reflective of old flash games and like the visual novels of cultural zeitgeist at the time.

I’ve known about Ren’py for quite some time now, but I’ve never properly learned how to use it. For this my task was simple. Find out how to change sprites, backgrounds, and move people into the scene.

Sprites and backgrounds were easy, so those were the first things I did. Ren’s sprites were inspired in design by Demon Hunters in the Warcraft world, mostly because I was playing a lot of Hearthstone and liked the idea. Martyn’s sprite style was inspired by early 2000s anime visual novels, like Higurashi (though I’ve personally never consumed it nor do I actually recommend consuming this piece of media (neutral) its ripple throughout the anime community was felt. Notably, parodies of the anime’s opening were very popular.) I toned back the stylizations, but trust me when I say that Martyn’s hands were purposefully big to be yaoi hands. It didn’t end up that big, and I did not give him the dorito chin here so, immense self control on my part (or cowardice?). False and Joel were just my regular style. For all this I used my tablet instead of my mouse.

The programming part was a little troublesome, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t google, so it got done pretty fast. There’s other small bits, like how I mismatched the background sizes, the sprite sizes (with each other)(minorly) but for the most part it came together pretty quick. Once the VN was done, it was just about recording it. So I put on the song, and danced along.

[You can download the VN here]

Programs used: Ren’Py, OBS, mspaint, After Effects (just to move the scene over at the beginning)

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So I knew I wanted a classic style AMV, so that eventually became Everytime We Touch (Day 5). 

The pictures mostly come from a discord server I’m in (hi [redacted]!!!!) and I thought of it like a nice homage to the insanity we had in there. Bless all of you guys, you guys were the ones I wanted this series to be made for the most.

Not much to say beyond that, besides me just editing it all on movie maker as usual.

Programs used: Windows Movie Maker 6

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Angel With a Shotgun (Day 4) was the last to be planned for. I predicted it was going to be the easiest to make on the fly (it was) and just kind of winged it. I wanted a unique style still for it though, and the idea of drawing their cubitos came pretty late. 

I was not exempt from this trend in my youth (my art in mspaint, age 11, me and my sister)

The rest was history. Just kidding, I really wanted something to do with the shotgun thing so I literally searched “shotgun” in Curseforge and got MrCrayfish’s gun mod just for the shotgun. I loaded up the 3rd Life world I had from my Broken Lives animatic (it’s a custom made world using the seed) and just got to work with FreeCam and OBS (it’s my first time with FreeCam too!)

A rejected clip I didn’t use because of skin consistency / continuity.

Programs used: Minecraft, mspaint, Windows Movie Maker 6

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Heat Waves (Day 3) acquired a pixel art style as an homage to its original lyric video. People have said it reminded them of Homestuck, which I honestly don’t mind. It fits the era and I did grow up with it. It kinda looped back in on itself that way.

I blame this frame, here's it as a gif which lies unused.

For the video, the more I rewatched bits of Last Life for it (it’s been a while!) I realized it had a lot more potential than I initially thought. Though I doubt most of it didn’t come through in the final product (I limit these videos to a minute or less, if possible, excepting credits and allowing few more seconds over the minute mark so long as it felt warranted), I tried to cram in what I thought fitting to the prompt the whole time.

The watch tower burning was an easy pick, a classic Treebark moment you might say. For the rest of it, the nuance laid a lot in how Martyn presented the Shadow Alliance. “The Dog, The Shadow, The Roots. We make this place burn.” Under the eyes of the moon, it witnessed this pact form, and its resolution for the server. The moon is included in multiple frames because of this, as a stand-in for the eye of the Watcher(s) I included at the start, watching Martyn through the series.

In a lot of ways, how Lizzie and BigB turned red I also found fascinating. Lava and explosions you could argue are an extension of burning and fire, and an explosion was also how Martyn left the series. Ren, from the start of this alliance, inexplicably committed to and saw through what ultimately rips the people he was loyal to away from him. 

Martyn on the other hand, I drew in the later portions quite aware of the position he’s in, hence only his eye in the frame with the last 4 folks. This to me starts a path for him toward where he goes in the later serieses (notably in Limited Life). This is all very “vibes” and instinctual kind of “trust me on this” sort of read on c!Martyn honestly.

On missed opportunities, I’m almost upset at how I never brought up the moment Martyn buys a love crystal from Scar (never used, it got blown up) which I (and a lot of other) may have delusionally thought it was for Ren. Besides that, I never had a chance to desaturate the colours in the video leaving only red (which Ren did upon the encounter of the establishment of the Moon Cult)(it really emphasized Martyn’s lips!), I tried just plain desaturating, but ended up ditching it since it never felt like it jived well with the rest of the video.

All that aside, I finished this one really late (for me, which was past midnight on the day it was going to be posted), so I’m glad it was out on time. It’s the one I put in the most effort for, and I’m glad to see people enjoy it.

The eye on its own, which reveals the Watcher symbol I accidentally did in the wrong orientation. Oops!

Programs used: Aseprite, After Effects

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Animal I Have Become (Day 6) was thought on for a while. Eventually I have my eureka moment and I thought it was a nice shout out to the Bannedstory community who I’ve followed in my early days, where I’d watch animations of people’s custom OCs (original characters) made with Maplestory sprites animated to audio clips that I really wasn’t supposed to be listening to at the time lol. That, and all the online games and the like I grew up with on the early internet. I personally didn’t partake in it, but roleplaying on those was a common sight, and I found it endearing. 

My partner in crime for this day in particular was @thefluxqueen, because I really can’t be bothered with character customization for a lot of these games (I respect the craft but I lack the patience), but I knew who LOVED doing that. He really knocked it out of the park, helping me do the Gachalife, Club Penguin, and the characters for Animal Jam and Ponytown. For the latter, they handed me the account information and we just went to town.

A Treebark stream in a just world.

I can’t tell you exactly how I assigned the lyrics, but I definitely assigned the animal sections during the chorus so it was a surprise (and so it also fit the lyrics). I did have fun recording and we had a fun time in Ponytown. We were shown where other mcyt fans are by a Grian pony (Hermit Hill) and then we hung out there sitting down while we workshopped the Bannedstory segments with both our sonas together. All in all a great time.

It took a few takes.

Programs used: Bannedstory 3 (I would’ve loved to use 4, I grew up with that!), Gachalife, Club Penguin, Animal Jam, Ponytown, Windows Movie Maker 6, OBS

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For Bring Me to Life (Day 7)... I ended up getting more attached to the thought of it the longer this project went on. 

I wanted it to be the end all be all, go out with a bang and everything. I kept thinking and thinking, how do I end Treebark week? After a week of homages, how do I make the last one?

What’s beyond my childhood? It was just growing up. But it’s not like I had to let anything go. My artistic endeavors are influenced by all of my experiences. I saw good reason to bring it all home, do a callback to the styles of the entire week, it’s my victory lap.

And why not call back every instance of Treebark through the entire series then? This evolved into me learning more about Martyn’s lore because I want to be informed! I want to make this as someone who earnestly loves the narrative of these characters, and the stories they’ve told.

From a story perspective, it felt like Martyn was always doomed to tragedy. Suppose the life series always does end tragically, but Martyn’s Vtuber in relation to all this has its own inherent tragedy to it. In my eyes, this roamer of cyberspace constantly has to live through different lives with familiar people. The people he loved and cared for in one world will always be ripped from him, and he knows that.

Amongst everything the Unguided Hand gets me the most. In the video I drew the Ren he chases as a shadow. He’ll never get the Ren he knew then, back. Even if he meets another Ren in another world, it's never going to be The Red King. To me, Limited Life is the snapping point, a point of selfishness above all else in the comfortable knowledge that he wins, without ever needing to experience the same closeness and loyalty he had in lives past. The realization that this is what the game was about. Winning at all costs. I wanted the progression to reflect that.

Deep down, maybe he yearns to be saved from all that. The song echoes that sentiment. I tried to match the lyrics to how I saw the timeline of events as close as possible for that to hit. In this, Ren is his anchor, someone that he gets drawn to no matter the incarnation. The tragedy is that Ren, even if he knows about what Martyn’s going through, can’t join him in this journey. Martyn will always be alone in this experience, and Ren can only be a short comfort before the cycle starts anew. 

I quite liked the pixel art I did for LimLife!Martyn

From a meta perspective, this video (and by extension, the whole series) is about art and creating. I have been obsessed with art for 14 years now, and as time goes on I’ve grown fond of every way that we, as people, have evolved our storytelling. The multitudes of mediums that we have developed to express ourselves and share narratives will continue to fascinate me endlessly. Cringe be damned, there is a universal desire to create and enjoy stories of all folds. From the smallest story told from painstakingly typing chat boxes for little custom-made characters to say, to the highest production play put on for multiple hours in a game of Minecraft. 

And at the beginning of my journey lay paper and pencil. Bring Me To Life is an elaborate pun on my end, yes, but also a reflection of my roots. I started my journey as an artist endlessly doodling the adventures of tiny magical girls fighting demons, drawing fanart of costumes in MMO games I found cool, and sharing them with my friends at school. I find myself still drawing, still creating, for hundreds, if not thousands of eyes to see. Still I get inspired by the stories others tell, and I create in turn. In appreciation, in love. 

Bring Me To Life as a song, is a slate that, to me, reflected what I saw in the relationship of Treebark. Bring Me To Life is also a demand, of a piece of art that I had a vision for, that I wanted to bring to life. I struggled at how to end it for a while. Closing the book became very straightforward. It’s the end of this video, this saga, and another way that me, as a Watcher myself (as what they’re originally meant to represent) exercises control over stories in my own unique way. Creation is never limited to a select few. I think everyone should keep getting inspired by the things around them, and keep making art in turn.

To the people who’ve made it til the end here, make art, keep creating. Do shitty doodles, write whatever you want, make sounds and crafts and keep living. That’s all I really want, and this was what this whole series was about.

Programs used: mspaint, Aseprite, Blockbench, Bannedstory 3, Pencil and paper, After Effects

[melobin]

“i love all 7 not just one” yet ur so dismissive abt a certain member which clearly isn’t loving all 7 goofy ass. no wonder ur friends with ninona 🤣 both y’all r ot6ers

me when i’m onto nothing the fact you can sit and assume you know how i genuinely feel about ot7 riize is crazy to me. you can continue to think what you want to because i can assure you both ninona and i do not gaf !! im far past the point of caring if people think i negatively of me over the situation with seunghan !! i know i love seunghan ! my friends know it too ! i do not gaf if random people on the internet think differently bc frankly why should i ? i run a smut blog girl im just here to talk about cock 99% of the time 😭

if i’m being completely honest here. i feel like people seem to struggle to grasp the concept that people handle things in their own ways. i’m a very sensitive and emotional person and over the years ive been trying to deal with that in a way where i don’t get hurt so easily. i’ve been dealing with severe anxiety for years i have chronic depression if i sat and thought about seunghan’s hiatus every day i would be completely miserable and worried and that’s not how i want to be i want to be okay i want to feel okay.

grief has never been something i ever get too emotional over it just doesn’t happen, of course it’s sad to not see him there but the way i handle things doesn’t mean i dislike him in anyway shape or form and i’m frankly quite tired of having to explain myself about this. at the end of the day, if seunghan returns it’ll be one of the best things to happen, it’ll make me incredibly happy, i don’t talk about my emotions often but if you want the truth there it is. if he, god forbid, ends up being removed from riize then it will hurt me and i will be upset. i’d rather spend his hiatus in a middle group of knowing there’s realistically a 50/50 chance of him returning and him not rather than sitting and getting my hopes up only to be hurt and upset after.

the way i deal with this hiatus is for my own benefit and my own sanity, i don’t want to be sad all the time, i just barely made it out of a depressive episode and i know if i sat and dwelled on him being on hiatus then i probably wouldn’t have made it out of it. the way i treat the other 6 members is the same way i treat seunghan, i feel the same way about them all, it’s just not as simple to show that when he’s not in gifs or videos or photos.

writing about him is not as easy because i haven’t seen him for months and as time has gone by the other 6 have become more visibly comfortable and free on camera and we never got to see that with him. i love writing for him, his porn plot fic is one of my favourite fics ive written and im always happy to write for him. i just tend to write more for sungchan and eunseok because those are the members i am more sexually attracted to, im a slut man idk what you want me to say. people rarely send asks about seunghan, they’re mainly about sungchan and anton and there’s nothing i can do about that. if people send asks about him, i answer them? if they don’t then i dont, i can’t answer something that isn’t there.

i don’t mean to post such a long rant but frankly i’m just tired of having to say the same thing over and over. no, i don’t care if you think badly of me over it, i don’t care for people who think they know how i feel about something and act as if their opinion is the be all end all. so thank you for sending this so i could freely express my feelings about this.

and DAWG leave ninona out of this as well !!! she expressed why she doesn’t write for him and i touched on my own feelings about writing for seunghan. i never once viewed her in a negative way, she’s one of the funniest people ive had the pleasure of befriending and no, she doesn’t hate seunghan either !

[octagledestroyer]

I’m watching Good Omens for the first time after having read fanfiction of it for years so I’m just gonna...live post as I watch the first episode. 

Did anyone else have absolutely no idea what was going on when they watched the title sequence for the first time? I’m so confused 

lol “it wasn’t a dark and stormy night” is that quote directly from the book? And yes, I have neither read the book nor seen the show- I went about this the chaotic way. 

pppft crowley enters with Bohemian Rhapsody- I’m not surprised. Also, I’m not sure, but I may possibly have been pronouncing his name wrong this eNTIRE TIME

whoa he just lit his hand on fire to sign the sigil that was cool 

he’s so fLUSTERED this is hilarious also I’m...pretty sure the thing in the basket is the anti-christ aka Adam... 

well its definitely a baby anyway

ppfft I know Gabriel is horrible but this first scene is hilarious. 

...i have, in fact, been pronouncing Crowley’s name wrong this entire time and I am  t h i s  close to banging my head against a wall

adam is absolutely a d o r a b l e 

i’m pretty sure that’s adam 

“This father of a male boy son is all yours Mr. President” I wasn’t aware you could have any other type of son

hehe he took down all the cell lines and then can’t call Aziraphale. 

How is it that I’ve been pronouncing AZIRAPHALE correctly but not CROWLEY

“just celestial harmonies” i friggin love david tennant

“get thee behind me, foul fiend. After you.” dude I laughed out loud

ok this scene with them being drunk is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a while. I can see why it’s featured so often in fics. 

Crowley’s lullaby is killing meee

hm- is that bald guy Sandalphon? 

I think that demon that got thrown in with the hellhound is that Eric I’ve read so much about

wow he is terrible at magic

gonna be honest- not what I expected the hellhound to look like

Oh my goodness it’s aDORABLE I LOVE IT SO MUCH DOG IS THE BEST THING EVER

Ok that’s the end of Episode 1- what a cliffhanger ngl. I’ll probably watch the second episode tomorrow or the day after so if anyone’s interested in my incoherent ramblings as I watch a show whose plot I’m already aware of for the first time, keep an eye out 

[seal-writes-stuff]

do you think you could do something for dani from shiva baby please? :) whatever you feel like, i’m not picky!

Dating Headcanons - Danielle (“Shiva Baby”)

Word count: 1.4k

Warnings: one mention of sex work (I mean, you’ve seen the movie), some angst, nothing else I can think of!

Summary: All in the title!

A/N: ANOOOOOON I can, I must and I will! To be honest, I’ve wanted to write this for a while, so I’m glad to finally put it out. If you have any more specific concepts in mind, I’d love to hear all about it. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

You meet Danielle in college. From what you know, she’s so wonderful it’s hard to believe she’s even real: a chill, smart and beautiful girl who seems to have her life together, someone who’s been nothing but nice to you. Danielle’s the kind of person you crush on in content silence – always imagining your life together, never getting brave enough to ask her out. After all, why should you? You aren’t even sure she even remembers your name.

But turns out she does. And she uses this knowledge to offer you fifty bucks so you’d pretend to be her date for a shiva observance she’s being forced to attend.

To say you are surprised would be an understatement of the century. Which, of course, doesn’t deter you from agreeing immediately. There’s this endless hopelessness in Danielle’s eyes when she asks you to do this, so you obviously have no choice but to help a girl out. Besides, at the very least it won’t be boring.

The whole experience is prolonged, uncomfortable and anxiety-inducing - and it also brings the two of you closer than ever. You end up rejecting the money; the time you’ve spent in her company was worth every awkward, chaotic situation you’ve had to endure. In a weird way, you had a good time and you tell Danielle as much.

She ends up making out with you right before dropping you off at your place.

Danielle is not too worried about putting a label on your relationship. Are you dating? Are you friends with benefits? Are you simply having a good time? She doesn't know and she doesn't want to know either. Better to enjoy the moment than ruin it forever.

Still, the mere thought of being your girlfriend sounds comforting. It sounds inviting, it sounds... Sweet. But even then, there's simply too much to unpack for her, so Danielle just throws away the whole suitcase.

She’s entirely non-judgmental about your life. Dani knows how hard it is to make it anywhere at all, so she assumes that whatever you do is for the best. It's hard to find someone this supportive, even though it’s something Danielle herself doesn't realize.

On the other hand, Danielle struggles with opening up to you because deep down she expects you to scrutinize every little bit of her life. Her job, her major, her love life – everything she’s ever been criticized for, everything that makes her, well, her. It’s annoying when it comes from anyone else, it would be absolutely crushing if it came from you. So when you don't judge her? When you tell her that it's okay, that she's okay and that you accept her no matter what? It’s freeing, it’s wonderful and it’s even a bit scary. It’s something Danielle thinks about it a lot.

She puts her sugar baby side hustle on hold when you start seeing each other – it simply doesn't feel right with you around. But even then, Danielle likes to rile you up from time to time, borderline flirting with people to make you jealous. She knows it's a toxic thing to do, but she just can't help it. In a weird way, it lets her know that you love her. It makes her feel desirable.

Danielle remembers every compliment you've ever given her. She doesn't think much of herself, which is awful and absolutely insane to you, so you make it a point to give her as much praise as possible. She's the funniest person you've ever met. She's absolutely stunning. You’re so lucky to have her in your life. Seeing Danielle blush and look away with a little smile just might be the best part of your day.

Unfortunately, she's the worst when it comes to talking about feelings. Danielle is a kind of person to say "cool" to a love confession and then think about it for five years straight. It doesn't mean she loves you any less, of course, she just has a different way of showing it. Her personal favorite form of affection is touch - cuddling, kissing, scratching your back when you’re lying in bed together... It’s intimate and cozy. It really gives Dani a sense of stability she craves yet pulls away from.

With that being said, she’s not big fan of PDA. When it happens, Danielle has this ever-persistent feeling that everyone is starting - and in her mind, nothing is worse that. Still, even just holding your hand in hers, fingers intervened... It makes her feel grounded, safe. As chaotic as her life may be, this is one of the little reminders that you’re by her side, that she has you. That maybe life’s not so bad after all.

She loves when you play with her hair, especially after a hard day. If you stop in the middle of it, Danielle always guides your hand back to her head without another word, placing a small kiss on your wrist along the way. Honestly, how can you say no to that?

Speaking of hard days, you're the only person she feels safe enough to cry in front of. The first time it happens on a complete accident: Danielle is a tough person and can withstand a lot of shit, but something just… Breaks in her that day. She just can't hold it all together any longer, all made more embarrassing because it happened in front of you. And yet, all you do is pull her in your arms: covering her face in sweet kisses, whispering how everything is going to be alright. Judging her for that doesn’t even cross your mind.

After she calms down, Danielle composes herself and goes on pretending that it never happened – and so do you, to save her the embarrassment she shouldn’t even feel in the first place. Still, there's an undeniable shift in your relationship after that. The hugs are tighter. The hard conversations are easier. Danielle trusts you more - and she knows you'd never take it for granted, that you’d never never take her for granted.

Study sessions together are a must, even though you inevitably end up doing more talking than studying. Danielle doesn't mind, though. For her, any time with you is a time well-spent.

Danielle’s shy about showing you her standup material at first since she hasn’t done it in a while, so she believes she’s gotten rusty. You’re her biggest fan and number one supporter, of course – after all, your girlfriend is hilarious and will achieve everything she wants to. Your encouragement is enough to make Danielle believe in herself too, if only a little bit.

She lends you her books all the time, secretly hoping you'll be impressed. Of course, you never refuse and you never stop asking for them. There's just something so nice about reading your lover's favourite book with all the little notes she made, as if it's a secret code only the two of you can understand. Danielle trusts you with these small pieces of her inner world - you'll never take that for granted.

One time you gift her a friendship bracelet in colors of the bisexual flag, with her name written on the beads. She thinks it's corny as hell. Never takes it off too.

Danielle says "I love you" exactly once and then never again. She jokes that she'll let you know if something changes, but in reality it's just hard for her to talk about it, be this vulnerable with someone. You don't need her to say it, though - you know that she loves you.

All in all, Danielle loves you - she loves you with all of her heart, eternally grateful that you accept her with all of the good, bad, awkward and beautiful. In spite of her hard exterior, she's the best partner you could've wished for and you’d endure a million more awkward family gatherings if it meant always being by her side.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I genuinely apologize in advance for this post. Sometimes Andrew Lawrence comes up in my YouTube recommendations, often as a canary in the coal mine to let me know I need to stop hate reading and/or watching stuff. My internet already knows I want to see British comedy - if I do enough hate watching to make it think I want to see right-wig bullshit too, that’s when the Andrew Lawrence videos start appearing, and then I know I need to stop that shit.

I really don’t do it often; it just annoyingly takes very little for him to start turning up. One wrong click on his stupid fucking face and then he’s everywhere for a few days, a virus that multiples if you give it attention.

...I couldn’t resist the one he did today, about some comedy awards that are happening this weekend. It’s just really funny when Andrew Lawrence rants about comedy, because you can see him looking at the life he willingly chose to give up, of being a comedian. This pushes it from being the “hate watching type of funny, which you’re only slightly laughing at in a bleak way and it’s mainly just frustrating and rage inducing”, to straight-up, laugh out loud funny. I clicked on it. I’m sorry. I know we’re not supposed to give these things views and we’re definitely not supposed to give them attention, which is why I won’t even link to it though obviously anyone could find it. I mean, you shouldn’t. No one should. But holy fuck it’s really funny.

(I’ll be honest: I don’t often watch his videos, but also, I don’t never watch his videos. I do click on them once in a while. I’m admitting that because I want credit for the fact that this is only the second time I’ve made a post about one of his videos, the first time being the absolutely hilarious one he did after it was announced that Mock the Week was cancelled, where he pronounced it “Dara O’Bri-en” and called out Frankie Boyle even though he hasn’t been on since 2009. Other than that I’ve refrained from mentioning them, even when I’ve watched them, which I normally don’t, I know a hate watch is the same as anything else on his view count. But this one is so funny.)

Anyway, here are some of the funniest things about this video:

- The title of Lawrence’s video calls them “C4 Anti-Comedy Awards”, which implies they’re just going to put medals on Richard Ayoade.

- He takes so much pleasure in dropping into the middle of it the fact that he doesn’t pay his license fee. Even though he’s listing that as the reason he can’t watch these awards, and – okay I’m not British so I may well be getting a fact wrong while trying to correct someone else, which is always embarrassing, but isn’t the license fee a BBC thing? These are the Channel 4 Awards.

- Many of the comments (look, I’ve already admitted to hate watching an Andrew Lawrence video, there’s no point in pretending I didn’t also hate read the comments) are complaining about Nish Kumar and/or The Last Leg, saying of course those terrible things will win everything. Neither Nish Kumar nor The Last Leg are nominated for any of those awards.

- At some point he refers to someone else having a “substitute for a personality”, and hearing those words said in that distinctive deadpan voice is really funny.

- I want to know which comedians he thinks Netflix is censoring.

- “Cowards pushing a poisonous identity-obsessed agenda that they don’t actually believe in.” Okay. I realize that’s what people like him say about comedy all the time, that if you don’t make a sufficiently racist joke every four minutes on average it’s just toxic wokeness or whatever. But this comment is a lot funnier if you look at the actual list of nominees. I mean… I’ve seen some comedy with sharp enough leftie credentials to terrifying the likes of Andrew Lawrence. But this shit? BBC Ghosts, and 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, and Taskmaster, and Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett’s parenting podcast? There is nothing in here that should offend even the most easily upset of the Andrew Lawrence-type. What part of that list is he managing to look at and see poison?

Derry Girls criticized colonialism, which is pretty close to the evils of critical race theory, even if everyone involved is white. I guess if you assume anyone who’s not a straight white cis man ever appearing on screen is identity politics, you’d take issue with Starstruck and The Graham Norton Show. But come on. The Graham Norton Show. It’s not exactly revolutionary Marxism, is it? The Russell Howard Hour looks like radical left-wing propaganda compared to every show that’s nominated for these awards (except, again, Derry Girls - even for a hyperbolic joke I can’t suggest that Russell Howard has better left-wing credentials than Derry Girls).

(I’m feeling the need to clarify that I don’t even mean this as a bad thing, Taskmaster and BBC Ghosts are two of the least “edgy” shows I can think of, and they’re both absolutely fantastic. Not all comedy has to be sharply cutting radical satire. I’m just saying, this rant is extra funny when you look at the fact that the stuff that’s upset him so much is very much not sharply cutting radical satire.)

- Fucking love the conspiracy theory about the Edinburgh Fringe selling badly not because of skyrocketing prices, but because patrons of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival don’t want to see left-wing comedy. When I think of people who attend the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, I think of people who can’t stand that woke shit.

- Near the end, he suggests that Britain hasn’t got podcasts. Just throws that one in there. Comedy in Britain would be fine if only they were allowed to have podcasts. It’s that anti-podcast law passed by the British government that’s holding them all back. Why are no British people disseminating misinformation and toxic rhetoric via the medium of podcasts like the Americans are? I don’t know what he thinks Russell Brand does for a living.

- It is so funny when he goes straight from an absolutely unhinged rant, all these opinions just totally divorced from reality and delivered straightforwardly while staring directly into the camera, and then straight into “please do like and subscribe”.

Okay I’m done now. I will go back to pretending Andrew Lawrence doesn’t exist - or trying to, because now that I’ve watched that one he’ll be popping up everywhere again. That’ll be my cue to stop doing that.

[wzyxz]

Laugh Tracks ——————————— pairing: george costanza x reader (fluff)

summary: you meet your first crush at an appointment. he’s a bit nervous and unusual, but that makes him even better.

You heard voices. Not scary or strange, they were laughing. Gasping. Cheering. No matter what you did, they were there. But you weren’t afraid of them. You knew they were harmless. Except, countless hours of your life were spent studying cognitive psychology in order to figure out what the voices were. The mystery was never solved, but now identifying thoughts and feelings in the human mind came like second nature to you. Not even professional scientists could find out the cause of it. The voices found emotional pain funny. They found embarassment funny. One of the funniest things they have ever seen is you, dropping your newest set of contacts and crushing them. They laughed at you. No advice was given, just laughter. This infuriated you. Nonetheless, you went to the eye doctor. This filled you with fear. Your heart raced, faster than a race car. It was terrifying. But on that day, you met the love of your life. Your first ever crush. Your first ever boyfriend.

While you looked down at your phone, you noticed a man staring at you. Obviously he had hair issues. He had to put his broken glasses on just to fathom your very presence. It was honoring that someone found you so distracting. You also noticed he was on the phone. He spoke something about “mesmerizing person.” You heard him say the name Jerry quite a lot. Although you weren’t likely to do this, you stood up. You looked down at the man, walked over, and sat yourself down in the seat next to him. The way you sat was very regal and fluid. This added to his admiration for you. “I’ve gotta go Jerry!” he blurted out. He hung up, his mouth opened when he looked at you. The crowd in your head laughed, croaked, and cried. “So, what’s up? Why the eyes? Am I really that drop-dead gorgeous? I knew it.” He was starstruck. A something like you talking to a nothing like him. It was improbable. Unlikely. The chances were so slim, nobody would believe it. Simply nobody. But it happened anyways. “Hi. …George… really like… so mesmerized… hang out?” The man, apparently George, mumbled. “I can’t hear you, George.” You gave a kindly smile to him, urging him to show more confidence. “Hi. I’m George Costanza. I really, really like you. Forgive me, I’m just so mesmerized by you, ahaha… Would you wanna hang out?” He said nervously. This shocked you. You didn’t expect him to be so honest. “Oh, I’m flattered. Well, uh. Why not. My names Y/N L/N.” You smile smugly. He celebrated, though it wasn’t visible. His heart raced with excitement. After sharing numbers and finishing the eye appointment, you went home to your apartment building.

Once you entered the apartment. Your phone dinged. You checked it, and George had texted you the address and resturant name. “Monk’s Cafe.” He said he went there all the time with his friends. You smiled, putting the phone down on a coffee table. You take a shower, do your hair, and get dressed. You’re beat, and decide to take a break. You sit on your comfortable sofa, when a high-pitched voice cried out, “Kramer! You left my door open? Again? Jesus, what is wrong with you?!” It was masculine, but girly. Snorting due to the hilariously pitched voice, you try to listen in on the conversation, which was fairly easy. Another, deeper voice, replied, “I’m sorry, Jerry! At least it wasn’t like last time! I’m getting smarter by the second, you know. I can feel my brain growing, Jerry!” Throughout your own muffled laughter, you recognize the name Jerry. George was talking to a Jerry, was he not? You brush it off. You decide that it wasn’t worth paying attention to anymore, and go to put on your glorious favorite shoes. The feeling of courage flowed through your blood, carried by cells. This was the man. He was the one.

Once you two were seated at your table, an array of interesting questions arose. “What kind of date would you take your partner on?” I inquired George, curious on his prefrences. “Well… It’d have to depend on the person. I’m really not picky… but uh, I’m not very good at, you know, relationships. You know?” He was nervous, and still honest. He was getting comfortable, and that made my heart pound even harder. I loved his company. It felt soft and cuddly, like a hug, or a stupid and goofy conversation between your best friend. “And, erm, you?” “Well, I’d have to agree. But I’d prefer more… relaxing and smooth-like. I don’t like dancing and that stuff.” George gave an interested look, but before he could say anything, the waitress came with your food. George got a pastrami on rye, and once it was set on the table, he chewed as if it were his last meal. The voices choked up laughter. A crowd of roaring erupted in your head. You cackled, finding his beastly hunger to be quite humerus. He smiled shortly before returning to his meal.

(Note: I forgot is George and Jerry live in the same apartment building but I’m just going to assume they don’t)

After eating, you were tired out of your mind. You were so out of it you could’ve passed away right then and there. Before you knew it, you were in George Costanza’s arms. He smiled at you, as if you were a baby. He took you to his car and asked for your apartment’s address. Once you gave it to him, he quickly realized it was Jerry’s address as well. He didn’t bring it up, though. After a while, the vehicle came to a stop. You undid your seatbelt, but before you could open the door. George’s hand grabbed yours. You looked at eachother, and leaned into a kiss. The voices yelped and screamed and cheered and cried. You wish you could, too. Your lips were like magnets, and your hearts were synchronized. It was meant to be. Everyone thought so. Everyone knew so. It was an electric shock. But before long, it was over. You pulled the  handle. “Goodbye, Costanza. See you soon.” You winked, knowing the plan to call him tomorrow. Little did you know, you would be with him forever after that. Happy. Fulfilled. And no voice could say otherwise. You walk into the apartment building and notice three people staring at you as you walk in. “Did you just see that?” A familiar, slightly high pitched voice whispered to a woman on his right. She nodded with an “Mhmm.” You entered the elevator, knowing you’ll faint on the sofa right when you get home.

[outubro5]

a day just like the others // nct (1-5)

I opened my locker to start a brand-new day at school, I had to get my heavy books to carry around all day long, it was a day just like the others. I woke up early, against my will, showered and dressed up, willingly, ate and said goodbye to my mother and of course, to my dog, Bucky, my father already was working. I left my house, took the bus and I was finally there.

English, Biology, then the so waited and deserved hour break, History and at last, P.E., it was a Monday just like the others, I kept saying to myself. Okay. Everything was in its right place, all the right books inside my bag. I was thinking to myself, but it was not long until my default mode was disturbed by one of my best friends, Lele. She came to me and she seemed unusually excited. I took off my earphones to listen to her. That’s goodbye for now, Taylor Swift.

“Hey! I have some exciting news!” I could tell.

“What is it?” Lele was the class president, along with her perfect boyfriend with really big boobs, Doyoung. And, yes, we have to objectify men, his boobs were huge, the first thing you will notice. We often called him “Boobs”.

I instantly knew it was something related to school, if it was something else, I’m sure she would’ve told me earlier, but now tell me, what could be so exciting about school?

“You will know soon,” I was confused, “and don’t make that face.”

“I’m not making faces,” I really wasn’t, was I? “Have you told any of the girls already?”

We were a group, ever since forever. Me, Lele, Lano, Klara and Mayara. It was us five against the world. I take pride in saying that I brought them all together. We were very different from each other, but we knew each other better than the palm of our hands. They mean the world to me.

“No, I haven’t seen them yet. Have you?” I shook my head my head, “You know we are the ones who always come to school earlier. In any case, the girls will have to wait like everyone. You will have to wait like everyone.”

“Oh, Come on!” Lele started to smile at someone behind me and I looked over my shoulder.

“Hello, Mark,” she said with a certain tone of voice, they always did that.

“Hello, girls,” he said with the biggest smile. I was paralyzed, I always did that.

“I have to get some things ready,” Lele looked at us, still smiling, “for the… news! Bye!”

“What news?” Mark asked, she already had left.

You see, Mark Lee. Mark is also my best friend, ever since we were little kids, we all grew up together, me, Lele, my group of friends, Mark, Doyoung and their group of friends. It was a day like the others. If it’s a day that Mark Lee makes me nervous, then it’s a day like the others. I was in love in him and if I’m being quite honest with myself, I think I’ve learned what was love with him.

“I don’t know, yet,” I turned to him.

“How are you?” How am I? I just said, I’m in love with you.

“I’m fine, it’s a day like the others,” his group passed us by, we nodded and one of his friends, Johnny, raised his eyebrows, not only once, twice. So silly and of course, Lano liked him, who would have guessed? So obvious. She was the first of us to fall in love. I understood that feeling a little later. Johnny was very tall and very funny. Mark thought he was the funniest person on earth, but what genuinely attracted Lano was his kindness. He would wait Lano every single day in front of her locker. He spoiled her often with flowers, for she had a garden club at school, they would stay at school after class to take care of their plants.

“Johnny wants to make a surprise for Lano,” what’s up with everyone with surprises today?

“What kind of surprise?” I need to tell her.

“I don’t know. He said it was something big,” he started to laugh, I understood and pushed his arm.

“You are so stupid, Mark,” and kept laughing, I smiled because of him, then I saw Lano arriving from a distance. Johnny kissed her cheek, “there they are.”

 “I wonder if…” He didn’t finish. What? You wonder what?

“Good morning to Haley James and Nathan Scott!” Even if I didn’t recognize her high-pitched voice, I could tell precisely who would say that and who else in the world would be shouting at 7am? I thanked God that he wouldn’t be able to understand that.

“To who?” Mark asked, frowning, and she was frightfully prepared to make a speech, I shut her mouth quickly before any damage was done by her big mouth. Mayara stepped back and took my hand out of her face.

“Good morning, Leticia,” Klara shortly came after her, she looked like someone that would tell riddles for no reason, “Good morning, Klara. How was last night?” Mark started to laugh again and now he was actually able to understand what she meant. Damn you, Mark Lee. Damn you, Mark Lee and your dumb laughter. I was so deeply infatuated with everything he did.

We all knew what was going on between Klara and Yuta. Klara liked to pretend we didn’t know they had a friend with benefits relationship. But, come on, this has been going on for years and years. We get it, we get it, they were both afraid of their exceptionally intense feelings for each other, and I get it, sometimes, I feel overwhelmed by Mark too, but Klara, come on, it’s been years. Everyone knew. Even Mark knew and as you can see, Mark is slow. He didn’t have a clue that I liked him. Or at least, I hope so.

“Hello, little slut!” I said and Mayara snorted, Klara, for our surprise, kept pretending she didn’t know what we were talking about. When you stop to think Mayara was like that too, but she was a lot less cynical, she would give herself away easily. Klara could never do that.

“Just now, I was talking to Lele,” as expected, she subtly changed the subject, “Apparently, we have exciting news ahead.”

“Oh! Doyoung told us something about that too,” we all looked at him.

“So, you know?” I thought about what he was about to say before Cebolinha and Cascão came.

“Yes,” we all made sounds of disappointment, “I’m joking, I don’t know,” I pushed his arm again.

The bell finally rang. We had to go to class, we walked along with Mark to the door, we all had the same classes. Me and my friends took a seat by the window, except for Lele, since the class presidents had to sit close to the teacher. Doyoung with his enormous boobs sat by her side. Mark sat at the opposite side with his friends: Yuta, Jaehyun and Jungwoo. Johnny was the only one who sat with us, just to stay close to Lano.

Both of them appeared and we greeted them. I gave a skeptical look at Johnny for earlier, he smirked at Mark’s direction and sat down. Klara and Mayara were teasing each other. They were so predictable. I could hear their babbling.

“Yuta looks so good today, don’t you think?” I joined.

“You say that as if you stare at somebody other than Jaehyun,” as I said a minute ago, she gives herself away easily by blushing and I personally find it very funny.

“He is ridiculous,” she was looking at him, he looked back as if he heard her saying, his ears turned red, “ridiculous,” Mayara repeated out loud and turned herself to the front. She had a serious case of playing hard to get. Klara wouldn’t admit to herself that she liked Yuta, Mayara simply wouldn’t admit to us. In the beginning, to tell the truth, he used to get in her nerves for being exceptionally good at everything and getting better grades than her, she really hated that, however, there is a thin line between love and hate. They were extremely competitive about all things and it seemed to me that they were even competitive about love. Admitting something would be losing and none of them liked to lose.

I don’t feel like that with Mark, it’s just that we were always best friends. I was used to us.

“Good morning, class! Doyoung and Lele, our renowned class presidents have an important announcement to make,” the english teacher uttered.

“Good morning, everyone, I’m Doyoung, this is Lele, as you all know, we are here today… to announce… drums, please,” he pointed at the boys, they made some noise. Those weren’t drums.

“A prom!” Lele reached him and everybody was shocked, “Yes, A prom! This Saturday!”

“What? Now?” I shouted at my best friend. Now I was angry that she didn’t tell us that before.

“Exactly what I just said, I’ll be passing out the flyers with the invitations, please read carefully.”

“Yes, Mark. You should read carefully,” Johnny yelled, the boys burst out laughing.

It was very direct. Prom. This Saturday. 8am. Be there or be square! Take a dance partner.

Lano was currently talking to Johnny about what they would wear, Lele sounded like she had all planned too. I didn’t know what to do. The other two started to tease each other again. I thought to myself. I could ask Mark, I mean, as friends. I don’t want to go with another person, or worse, I don’t want him to go with another person.

The problem is will I have the power to hide all the things that I feel in that one night? I’m not so sure about that. A dress? A dance? I will melt in his arms.

The class took off and it went by fast, no one was paying attention, I feel like everyone was thinking about the prom in silence, just waiting for the class to be over. The bell rang. Lano came to me.

“Good luck with that!” I looked up and I took a minute to understand.

Biology Class. That means. Mark Lee is my lab partner. After that announcement? That means an overly tense atmosphere for me. We had to move to the biology lab. We waited for everyone to leave for us stand up and go. We made comments about it. Each and every familiar fun observation was being intensified. I was worried.

“Can we trade lab partners for today?” I asked Mayara, a cry for help.

“Absolutely not! I have some work to do,” she pointed at Klara, Yuta was Mayara’s lab partner.

“Well, you sure should,” Klara ran to Jaehyun’s side and started to talk to him, he was her partner. They were ahead of us. Klara looked back at Mayara and gave her a mischievous look.

“No”, I mumbled, “I was just about to ask her if she could trade with me,” I was desperate.

“Well, you should ask Jungwoo, maybe he would that,” that was a good idea. I wouldn’t ask Lano or Lele for obvious reasons, Jungwoo could be the one to save me. I ran ahead.

“Jungwoo! Would you…” I was really desperate.

“Don’t even think about that. I’m not doing anything,” I opened my mouth, he didn’t let me speak, “I know. Girl…” he touched my arm, “Be brave!”

“I am.” I am. Am I not?

When I arrived there, Mark was already waiting for me. How was he so beautiful? Without trying? He was just sitting at the table, at our table, and all my dreams were coming true, he was my dream. Even if I tried, even if I searched the whole universe, honestly looking for someone, I would never find a person as nearly perfect for me as him. We fit together right. It was the same with the girls, I was born for them, it was right.

I sat, put my things on the table and I looked around and I saw Lano and Johnny. That was what I meant with being right. They were the epitome of tenderness.

“Hey!” Mark came close to me, I wanted to run away from him.

“Hello,” one thing I am not is immune to Mark’s charms. He had a beautiful pair of eyes, a beautiful nose, beautiful lips.

“What are you looking at?” I was indeed looking at his lips, he noticed.

“Nothing,” returning to his eyes.

“Alright, I have a question,” my body temperature rose, “about the prom.”

“Yes,” I answered right away.

“Do you think Klara will go with Yuta?” I chuckled.

“I hope so,” I can’t lie that I had a sudden sparkle of expectation for me and now if we are being nosy, I will ask something too, “What about the other two?”

“Mayara and Jaehyun?” Mark grinned from ear to ear, it gave me the impression that he was putting his plan to action.

“Obviously. Who else?” I was being a little ironic, but Taylor Swift is the only one to judge me and she would never judge me in this situation. What would Taylor do?

“Jaehyun will give in eventually, she is smarter,” we agreed on that, “they will go together, that leave us…”

The door opened.

Did the biology teacher enter the lab when Mark was about to say what I’ve been waiting to hear my whole life? Or am I imagining things? I’ve never been so insulted my whole life. Couldn’t he wait for one minute? Just one. He was about to say something. I was almost sweating. I was thinking about many things and biology was not one of the things. Still, I had always been a tremendously respectful person, especially towards teachers. My mom was one, I wanted to be one. Let’s go biology class!

The instructions were simple, it was a mainly test-tube class.

“Try things,” the teacher said. I was trying things. I was trying to maintain myself sane next to Mark Lee. Which you can see, for me, it’s not an easy task.

“We will resume that conversation later, Leticia,” Leticia? What? He never called me by name. Leticia? He was being serious.

“We will, Mark Lee,” he winked at me. I was in heaven. Heaven.

The class went by normally, it’s a day like the others. Besides the elephant in the room. The prom. But it went on a lot better than I expected. I was an actress, Anne Hathaway, call me!

I looked at the clock on the top of the wall and for a second, I was angry again at Lele for not telling me, I would have prepared myself better, not exactly for this, but for every possible situation. I was a planner and I was not ready for this. But the thing is you can’t be really angry at Lele for more than a second, she is an angel sent straight from above. I ended up laughing by myself, thinking about her and Doyoung planning this all out, without telling us. They certainly had the best of intentions.

“And what are you smiling about?” Not you, for once, Mark.

“Lele,” I looked over at her, she had the kindest heart, “I’m always smiling about my friends.”

“Even me?” Not you, for once, Mark.

“Yes, Mark, I smile about you. You make me really,” he touched my hand, “really happy.”

“I’m glad. You make me really happy too, if not, the happiest,” unbeknownst to me, we were suddenly holding hands, above the table. What? His hands were warm. Is this what the song “Red” referred to as “Touching him was realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you”? He was my dream, but this was real. It was real. It was happening.

The bell rang. He turned to me.

“Leticia, will you go to the prom with me?”

[absolutelydw]

Can I talk my shit again?

No, really. Can I talk my shit again? I talk shit. I will talk shit and won’t refrain from doing so. It’s me. I’m not talking shit about people, places or things to be malicious. I just simply was born with the gift of gab and I just happen to be the funniest person I know. Look at me talking my shit, again. -wink-

Look. I absolutely WISH I could be a no fucks given, uninhibited blog writing superstar. But the way my “corporate baddie” 6yr old son havin, single mama life is set up? Would not support such a thing. I admire those people. In fact I strive to be those people… living carefree not worried about a thing. BUT until my poor unfortunate soul of a sperm donor and my strong manifestation of being a multimillionaire stay at home wife/mama/Bravo network housewives celebrity lifer align.. I must keep life a bore… on the World Wide Web.

Fine with me. less more… more the less. But. Ma’am’s and sirs, this week has been mind blowing. I say this. Manifestation is real.

Energy is real.

Divine timing and Gods plan?

ABSOLUTELY REAL. I’ve seen nothing but angel numbers, signs, messages in a bottle lately, all of the things and all of it makes me equally gitty, excited and nervous for the future… because I know if I put my mind to it, the shit comes. It comes in strange ways… but it comes. It also makes me sad- to a degree because what I thought “was it” is no longer it. What I thought was what I wanted, no longer serves me… and it scares me.

10 years ago, you couldn’t tell me shit.

I didn’t want kids, I now have two one living who runs my life and other as a guardian angel. Possibly may even want a third if we’re being 65% honest. (No typo. 65% percent)

The thought of marriage made me want to slit my wrists, and donate my blood to the American cross as a hobby. Now I know I’m no man’s lady of the night or desire to be and could potentially* be a man’s wife. In the words of Tiffany “New York” Pollard… I want my name dropped, meaning I want to be married. I’m not messing around with you.

I was hit with the realization the other day that some men really think money makes them attractive… for me, it does not… and the more you talk about it, it makes me look at you as a cornball… a fuckin Frito Lay corn chip, if you will. I think I read somewhere that the richest people wear the simple clothing… okay, alright. I didn’t read that but you get it. I don’t even want to use this man as an example because for me personally… and most people I know… we do not find him attractive. But here it goes..

Mark Zimmerberg, Facebook “Meta Man”, rich? Absolutely… does he brag about it? Willing to bet 85% of the change in my purse he doesn’t. To be completely honest? I don’t care that much about his net-worth. However, what I do know is that he doesn’t need to walk into a room and disclose how much he’s made in the last 24hrs. Im sure he’s proud of his success but it’s absolutely repulsive to feel the need to do so.

all men should strive to be like Mark… don’t be Mark. Lol but strive to be LIKE mark and keep your accomplishments you’ve obtained within the last… few months to yourself. It makes the girls and some boys drier than the Sahara desert and we’re just trying to stay hydrated.

Last thing, because I’m on a tangent, leading down the road of who the hell knows what..

I will continue to stay in a positive state/space, shoot for the stars, hope to land in soft clouds next to mr. moon and remain open for what’s to come.

Pray for love, clarity, and the strength to remain, mentally, physically and emotionally strong and grounded. All the while manifesting the NEXT YEAR of my life to be closer to the images on my motherfuckin vision board.

I’m a good person who says fuck a lot but I deserve everything I want.

In jesus, geezus, and yeezus name.

Amen.

xo, dw.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Never Have I Ever - Harry Styles (part 2)

i quite liked this story and thought it totally had potential for more, so i’ve cooked up a part 2, continuing the idea. i have no clear plan with this, just enjoyed taking the story further, but i might turn it into a proper series if you guys are enjoying the concept!

pairing:  Harry x actress!reader

word count: ~3.2k

SERIES MASTERPOST

masterlist

The car comes to a halt and you look up from your phone after being so occupied with texts you’ve been ignoring all afternoon.

“We’ve arrived, Miss,” The driver, Lawrence informs you in his usual, polite manner, looking at you through the mirror.

“Oh, thank you so much,” you breathe out grabbing your purse from the seat next to you. “I don’t think I’ll take too long, I’m not really in the mood to party,” you let him know, quickly running your hand through your hair before getting out, already knowing paparazzi is waiting for all guests at the entrance probably.

“Had a long day?” he asks with a soft smile.

“Kind of,” you sigh nodding. “I’ll text you when I’ll feel like heading home soon, alright?”

“Perfect. Have a great night, Miss,” Lawrence nods.

“Thank you,” you nod at him before opening the door and getting out of the car. Strategically, Lawrence stopped just a few buildings away from the club, so you wouldn’t be attacked right away, emerging from the car. This gives you enough time to fix your dress and avoid your private parts to end up on the tabloids. Not something you want to include in your career, if you’re being honest.

Shutting the door closed you head towards the club that has quite a long line of people waiting outside, though you have no idea why. If they are not on the list, there’s no way they’ll get inside, it’s a private party.

As you approach the entrance, people start to recognize you quite quickly and you hear your name coming from all direction, but you just flash a smile in their way, continuing to walk with the intention of getting inside as fast as possible.

Just as you expected, paparazzi are already waiting at the entrance and they start flashing their cameras in your way right away, throwing all kinds of questions at you that are left completely ignored.

The bouncer checks your name on the list and lets you inside without a fuss and you’re happy to leave the madness behind and mingle in the crowd of familiar faces.

Tonight is the celebration of the birthday of a good friend, a quite old friend of yours. Florence and you met quite some years ago, when both of you were only trying your luck in the industry, working hard to make yourselves a name. Now you are both are in the inner circle of Hollywood, piling iconic roles on your resumes together. So much has changed, people keep coming and going in your life, but the two of you managed to stay close and keep each other grounded when it was needed.

You keep saying hello to the people you know as you make your way through the guests, hugging a few guests, asking if they have seen Florence and they all point towards the bar. Unsurprisingly, you find the birthday girl right there, with a group of people circling around her as the bartender places a row of shots to the counter and her eyes light up at the sight of all the alcohol.

“Not even surprised you are already plastered,” you grin at her and she squeals upon seeing you join the little circle. Throwing her arms around you she jumps at you mumbling her greeting.

“I’m so happy you’re here!” she breathes out, clearly over a few drinks at this point. “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in ages!”

“It happens when we are both working on a movie at the same time, in different cities,” you chuckle giving her a look.

This past month has been rather busy, you were in Atlanta finishing up filming your latest movie while Florence was in Palm Springs, working on Don’t Worry Darling, she barely made it back to the city to her own birthday party, apparently they wrapped filming just two days ago so it was a close call.

“You have to take a shot with me!” she urges, already grabbing two shots from the bar and handing you one of them, not even waiting for your answer.

“Cheers to the birthday girl!” you hold your glass up after everyone else grabbed a shot, everyone around wishes her a happy birthday again before sending down the alcohol.

You can’t help the grimace that pulls on your face as the liquor burns down your throat. It’s been a while since the last time you had anything other than a few glasses of wine, it’ll take some time to get used to the stomach churning taste.

As the host of the party and the birthday girl, Florence’s presence is in high demand, so you don’t get to spend too much time with her, but you don’t blame her. Ordering a longer drink for you, sticking with some tequila based cocktail as you mingle in the crowd of guests.

Luckily, there are quite a lot familiar faces and you don’t have to linger around the club on your own. You move to a booth at the side with Sydney, a producer you and Florence both worked together previously. She is pretty new in the world of films, but she surely is a talent and you can’t wait for everyone to realize what a blessing she and her art is. You’re joined by her girlfriend, Emma and the three of you are deep in conversation, sharing the funniest stories that happened to you lately and surprisingly, you are genuinely having a good time. You really weren’t in the mood for a party after such a long and frustrating day, having scrunched in three auditions to one day because your manager messed the dates up. When you finished with the third ones, you wanted nothing else than to just sink into a nice bath, have a glass of wine and go to bed early, making your friends’ point of you being a grandma quite valid. However you didn’t have the heart to cancel on Florence, but now that you’ve had some alcohol buzzing in your system and some good company, you don’t regret coming at all.

Once you get to the end of your drink you head back to the bar to have another one, not feeling like leaving just yet. Pushing your way through the people, some keep saying hi to you and you greet everyone back with an instinct, even if you don’t know them. Something you’ve grown to do over your years being in the spotlight.

Standing in line, just like everyone else, you patiently wait to get to the front, when you feel someone bump against you from behind.

“Excuse me—Oh! If it isn’t my favorite Never Have I Ever game partner!”

Your eyes are met with a pair of green ones and a dimpled smile, you can’t help but chuckle as you turn to greet Harry.

“Hi there! Long time no see!” you smile as he pulls you into a side-hug and stands with you in the line.

“You know, maybe you would’ve seen me earlier if you actually gave me your number,” he comments with a sly smile and you have nothing to defend yourself with, he is completely right.

That day the two of you met on The Ellen Show you were actually planning to give him your number, but once your part of the filming ended your manager called you about something urgent and you couldn’t wait for him to finish as well, leaving the studio without ever giving him the chance to even ask for your number. You felt guilty and a little disappointed, but thought your paths would sooner or later cross somehow and it seems like you were right.

“I’m sorry about that. I had some papers to sign before the office closed, I had to leave,” you apologize truthfully and he nods understanding.

“S’alright. I was a little bummed, but I get it.”

“So what are you doing here?” you ask, moving forward in the line, getting closer to the front. Harry gives you a quick look that you can’t quite read before answering.

“I uhh—Florence and I filmed together last month.”

That’s when it clicks. She told you and you read about it, but you tend to forget these kind of things, not having enough capacity to keep everything in mind, only restricting it to the most important stuff.

“Oh, right! Yeah, sorry. Totally slipped my mind. Sorry, I sounded like I live under a rock,” you awkwardly chuckle, feeling a little ashamed that you didn’t remember, when Florence even mentioned it herself before she travelled to Palm Springs, but you were running on caffeine and protein bars between takes, it’s a luck you didn’t even forget your own name after those busy weeks.

“No, s’alright. Nice to know not everyone is drowning in the content that’s been put out of me lately,” he chuckles lowly. “You look lovely, by the way,” he nods at you, eyes running down your body quickly, before they return to your gaze.

“Oh, thank you,” you breathe out looking down at yourself, as if you forgot what you were wearing. It’s a little, black Gucci dress, quite vintage with some embroidered floral patterns along the slightly daring neckline. “It’s Gucci,” you tell him with a knowing smirk.

“Oh!”

“Know you are obsessed with it,” you add with a chuckle, seemingly surprising him with your knowledge about him.

“Someone did some research about me then?”

“I’ll admit, I might have searched your name one of those nights after I had a nice glass of wine.”

“And what else did you find out about me?” he arches an eyebrow at you, making your cheeks heating up. You shouldn’t have admitted that you searched him, he’ll think you’re some kind of stalker, which you are not, you just like to catch up on things sometimes. Though you are clearly a fan of his music and you know about his career vaguely, you haven’t been keeping an eye on him that closely lately, only because you didn’t have the time. However after meeting him at the taping, he was stuck on your mind for days before you gave in and checked out what he’s been up to lately and went through some in-depth articles about him from the past years, closing the line with his latest Vogue issue.

“Nothing shocking,” you simply answer and luckily, you are next up at the bar. You ask for another cocktail and Harry chimes in, adding a beer to the order.

“I hope you know I won’t let you leave until you give me your number this time,” he smirks at you cheekily, making you chuckle.

“I never said I would give it to you.” Wanting to play a little you shrug innocently, earning a stunned look.

“Making me work for it? Alright,” he nods, trying his best to hold his grin back.

The bartender comes back with the drinks and Harry is quick to whip his card out and pay for yours as well. You’re not surprised when he follows you back to the booth to Sydney and Emma. They both greet you with bright smiles upon arriving with Harry.

“This is Sydney and Emma. Syd and I worked together a while ago. Ladies, this is—“ You start the introduction, but Sydney cuts you off quickly.

“Harry Styles. You don’t have to introduce him to us,” she chuckles shaking hand with the fourth guest at the table. “I was a big One Direction fan,” she adds with a chuckle and that’s a new information. As a former fan girl, she is holding herself quite alright in the presence of her idol.

“Oh, nice!” Harry beams, genuinely looking delighted at the information.

“Her playlists have at least one One Direction song on them still this day,” Emma laughs shaking her head, while Syd just shrugs innocently.

The four of you are quick to engage in a conversation about music, mostly about what you listened to when you were teenagers and you are having some laughs at the odd taste you all used to have.

“I think my most played song was Crazy by Britney Spears. I was obsessed with that song,” you admit and Emma groans throwing her hands in the air.

“I loved that song! Even learned the choreography!” she shares, making everyone laugh around the table.

“I bet you did too,” Harry grins in your way over his half empty beer.

“Totally did not,” you scoff with a pretentious grimace that makes it clear that you in fact did.

“I would give an arm to see you dance to that song,” he sighs with an amused grin and you just chuckle, taking another sip from your drink.

At one point Florence joins the booth, buzzing from all the birthday shots she’s been constantly taking, but making sure you all are having a good time.

“I see you guys met again!” she beams looking at you and Harry sitting next to each other. “Y/N, wanna hear something funny?” she smirks at you with glistening eyes.

“Always,” you chuckle softly.

“Once on set, I caught Harry stalking your Instagram.” The man in talk almost chokes on his beer as Florence starts laughing, clearly enjoying how she just busted her co-star, but you are having a blast at how nervous her comment got him and you find the story quite flattering.

“Flo, I think you had enough to drink,” Harry tells her, urging her to leave the booth, but she is way too caught up in getting him into trouble.

“Are you ashamed she now knows you were checking out her sexy photos for that perfume campaign she did last year?” she continues, giving away even more details. Your eyebrows run up as you look at Harry, who is desperately trying to avoid your burning gaze.

“Oh, so you’re a fond of my pictures?” you tease him, his cheeks turning redder with each passing moment.

“I mean… You looked really good.”

“And quite half naked, only covering myself with a huge perfume bottle,” you add chuckling, enjoying it probably a little too much than you should, but Harry has been so confident, flirting with you, it’s funny to see him so flustered all of a sudden.

Harry lets out a nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his neck while Florence taps his shoulder, saying something that sounded like ‘good luck, man’ before she moves over to the next group of people.

“I wasn’t stalking, your profile just popped up and—“

“Harry,” you stop him with a chuckle. “It’s fine, I was just messing with you.”

“Way to make me a wreck, Y/N,” he shoots you a narrow-eyed look, but you can see the smirk pulling on his lips.

“If it makes you feel better I checked your profile a few times too,” you admit and once again, he seems surprised.

“It does make me feel better,” he nods, his sly smirk growing wider with each passing moment he spends staring at you.

Though you’ve been enjoying the night so far you are running low on energy, so when you see it’s already past midnight you send a text to Lawrence letting him know you are planning to leave soon.

Luckily, Florence is at one of the booths near yours, so you excuse yourself from your table, walking over to her to say your goodbye.

“Leaving already?” she pouts, returning your hug.

“I’ve had a long day, I wouldn’t want to be the grumpy guest to ruin others’ night,” you tell her with an apologetic smile and she nods understanding.

“I’m happy I saw you. We need to do something sometime soon!”

“Sure thing. I’ll have a looser schedule in the upcoming months. Call me whenever you are around and free,” you tell her kissing her cheek and giving her hand a soft squeeze. “Happy birthday once more.” “Thank you babe!” she cheers as you let go of each other.

Walking back to your booth you say goodbye to Sydney and Emma, making the same promise to meet up with them sometime soon. When you turn to Harry he is already up on his feet and offers to walk you out.

“Just to the exit. There are a shit ton of paparazzi outside,” you tell him and he nods, placing a hand to your lower back, ushering you through the crowd. The two of you stop near the exit since Lawrence hasn’t replied to you that he has arrived and you definitely don’t want to wait outside.

“So, are you gonna leave without giving me your number this time as well?” he asks tilting his head to the side as he hides his hands in his pockets lazily.

“Maybe I’m just trying to see if fate is gonna throw you in my way again,” you tease him, but reach for your phone in your purse. “Send yourself a text,” you tell him handing him the device.

He doesn’t try to hide the satisfied grin as he types his number in and sends a quick text to himself so he has your number. Handing it back you just take it and check if Lawrence has texted you. Right at that moment the screen lights up with a short ‘I’ve arrived, Miss’ text and you slide the phone back into your purse.

“Well, it’s been nice seeing you again, Harry,” you say your goodbye and stepping closer you engage in a short, but tight hug.

“You too, Y/N,” he smiles down at you. “Never have I ever had the number of an Emmy nominated actress’ number,” he smirks making you laugh.

“Drink up, Styles,” you tell him cheekily before you walk away, out of the club.

Lawrence is parked right in front of the building and you try to shield your vision from all the flashes as you get into the back seat as fast as possible.

“Hello, Lawrence!” you greet the man in a very delighted mood and he senses the change in you.

“Had a great evening, Miss?” he asks as he leaves from the club and heads to your apartment’s building.

“I did,” you nod biting into your bottom lip. Reaching into your purse you pull your phone out to check the text Harry sent himself.

You can’t help the chuckle that leaves your mouth when you see the short message he sent to his contact that he just saved under Harry S.

“I promise I won’t ghost you.” That’s what the text reads and as you are looking at the conversation you see the bubble popping up that signals that he is typing right now.

“So nice of you. Please keep that promise!” His text appears on the screen and you chuckle under your breath.

“Cheeky.” You write back.

“Maybe, but now I have evidence. Don’t even try to put me on your ghosted list!”

“Will think about it…” you write back with a sly smile before you lock the phone and put it away, letting your head rest against the back of the seat, eyes closing as you can’t wipe the smile off your face.

PREVIOUS PART

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[maitani]

NEW YEARS — MUTUAL APPRECIATION <3

note: it’s new year’s eve [for me] and i’m feeling generous to share my appreciation to my mutuals :) you do not have to reciprocate, this is just how i feel towards you!

@bbdaydreams i appreciate you so fucking much SO FUCKING MUCH. since my hq days, you have just tolerated me and been there for whatever reason that we are automatically close. sending me twitter art or seeking to my aid whenever i’m upset and i publicly say it cause i have issues and YOU ARE JUST THE SWEETEST. but i do appreciate you for being a good friend and just staying close even after i switched blogs :,<

@hoeruchiyo , i’ve known you for a fucking while. we were in it together for many things, our daughter scandal that blew up for no reason, getting plagiarized together, we were paired as a couple for many moments — until you replaced me. but i’ve known you since hq and you were completely dope then and now even if you ignore me now. no but i appreciate you because even other than being my mutual, you were also a really good friend and i have a shit ton of love for you.

@cumfuyu , i am simply in love with you, no other words. no but it’s barely two weeks and i have so much admiration for you and how quick we were to immediately get along, not even a single awkward phase was seen — we were already being shipped by anons. but you have been so easy to speak with considering how hard it is for me to follow a conversation with someone new but you genuinely make me happy and i appreciate you for letting me get to know you <3

@mqtsuno , you. i have a shit ton to say about you. but i always carried these mixed feelings that you completely hate me and maybe you do but i appreciate you for tolerating me and conversing with me when you really didn’t have to. you played along with my winterboy69 fixation and i loved how you allowed me to enter your space to flirt with you and you reciprocating. but thank you for being my crush but my art consultant and for being the one to take my virginity <3

@starrysouya , literally the sweetest sweetheart i know. FOR NO REASON AND WE DONT EVEN SPEAK MUCH, you always send me little encouragement messages to start my day and normally — it works :0 i just sit on my phone then i see a little message from you and giggle cause that’s too cute of you to do. so i appreciate the fact that you think of me for no fucking and decide yeah, let’s pay a visit and send this to illed mich <3

@luvbub , um we started dating the moment i sent you an ask. NO BUT I FANGIRL EVERY TIME WE CHAT cause i used to follow you for actually a whole year now if we count my hq blog and we were never mutuals until i declared our romance so everytime we chat i just do a little squeal cause i look up to you and find you for comfort so the idea that i can message you anytime i want it’s like <33 but i appreciate that you are actually one of the kindest and funniest on this app, like you scream soft to me and that’s why i find comfort from you :0

@kr3idz , you — now you are one of my sweethearts. CAUSE WHENEVER WE CHAT ITS SO NATURAL AND AND your themes are always so good and i want them all. no but ever since my hq blog, i have just been inspired by you when it came to themes and just aesthetics so i’ve known you for quite the while now BUT i appreciate you because you are very open minded and so funny when we chat, literally such an easy person to get along with :0

@kisakunt , i’m not gonna bullshit and be like OH MY GOD YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND AND THIS AND THAT — cause if i’m being honest, we didn’t speak that much but when we did you were pretty cool :0 you’re really blunt and straightforward that it actually brought me some comfort? because that’s how i used to be until i wanted to just shell away :0 so seeing you on my dash whether it is gatekeeping or threatening someone — i feel content, so i appreciate you for not only being well … bold but for staying to your word :0

@mtsuyas WE ALSO DONT SPEAK but you are so cute on the dash that i couldn’t help but say something about you :0 whenever i do send in asks which i quite not often — apologies, YOU ARE SO SWEET TO ME :0 so you are automatically in a relationship with me, forget mitsuya : focus on me please <3 but i also love your themes and i also want them all, please do mine.

@cyuus , oh my , we used to be really interactive with each other but you were actually one of my first mutuals when starting this blog after describing for a while :0 i don’t think i knew you before but we clicked. so thank you for being my first friend <3 no but when we do talk, it very easy and it makes me feel like we didn’t lose that “spark” after all <3

@dracutora , hi i have a crush on you — sorry, sorry.. hi i have a crush on you. no, we don’t really talk but we do interact occasionally but you are so nice :( literally you have my heart and incredibly funny when i see you on my dash and i wish to get to know you more <3

@everafterkeiji , we actually don’t speak much but you’re one of my little babies :( ACTUALLY, you were one of the first tr blogs that i followed and motivated me to get back into writing so my shitty writing career is all because of you <3 but i appreciate you because when we did speak — you were actually really easy to speak to, there wasn’t any awkward transition we were just talking. but mwuah <3

@bunniro , my little baby :< so kind to me and for what, we don’t really speak as much anymore i admit and that may be my fault but everytime we chatted it was so great. everything about our pairing was astounding along with our ideas of double dates and sharing fanart :0

[rinkrats]

Jen: It was definitely something that you wanted to be perfect. There’s no one more deserving to be more recognised. And knowing he had to do it without the fans there - you know, you just wish he could have got that ovation that he deserved, and celebrate it with them. So we wanted to make it extra special.

We were set for Valentine’s Day against the Capitals, and here we were doing it instead on Feb 21st… To be honest, the stick he got on the ice is back at the engraver’s, getting the date put on it for his 1000th game. We started in January, reaching out to all the teams. Not one person we asked said no.

And I can tell you that you guys saw quite a few videos from a lot of high-profile people, but Sid actually got a personal video with over 45 minutes of messages from friends, families, people at home, guys he played with at Rimouski… To not have fans, we wanted to make it extra special for him.

Steg: You had to be cognisant and respectful of the superstitious nature of Sidney Crosby. How did you handle that part of it?

Jen: So, I never, ever, ever said the word to him. I never said the word 1000 to him once. I think it was Wednesday the week before, and I said, ‘Hey, Thursday’s a day off, and I’m thinking Friday you’ll be available’. And he looks at me and I’m like, “FRIDAY… you’ll be available, because the media will want to talk to you’. And he gave me the wink, like, okay. We never said anything but he knew it was gonna be the first time he answered questions about it. I didn’t bring any requests to his attention prior to that.

We had an idea to watch his first game with him, but we haven’t done it yet because we didn’t wanna ask him till it was here. So, yeah, we’re superstitious from that factor. I actually called his sister and I said, ‘Taylor, you gotta help me. How do I proceed with this one?’ and she helped with the family stuff. I called Kathy, his girlfriend, and she helped with the friend stuff. It’s funny to see how many people - I can’t imagine what he felt like hearing all the messages and watching all the videos, because there were a few of them that made me tear up, because he is just so respected across the board at all levels of the game.

Steg: Whose ideas were they?

Jen: (on Sid’s 1000th game tribute mosaic) ...One of the funniest moments of last Saturday was, after the game was over, I saw Geno bending over and  he was counting to make sure there was a thousand!

(on tying the skates) You know, I don’t know what player came up with that but that was probably the highlight of the night for him. He didn’t even notice. He was so in the zone. And he turned around and looked around and was like, ‘Oh my god’. When they switched legs, I was laughing so hard. They really full on went in. I fully expected they would have done it in Washington too since they won. (Metzer: He would have required it right?) Yeah, I thought for sure this was gonna be a new mandate! That everyone was gonna have to tie their skates just like him.

Metzer: Sid’s such a great human, but it humanised him, seeing the emotion. When he came together with Geno and Kris Letang, was that kinda a cool moment for you guys too, to just see the big three having an emotional moment. You could just see the affection between those three guys.

Jen: It was actually quite funny to me because of everything that’s been in the media recently about the core and the changes in management, what the future of the team looks like. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the three of them have such an incredible moment - and I’ve seen them win three Cups together. They really were sincerely proud, sincerely thankful for each other and all the things they’ve accomplished together

Steg: It was nice to see Sid with his girlfriend too.

Jen: Yeah! Kathy’s wonderful. I didn’t want him to be alone out there. We had to ask the league for permission to have the guys on the ice, cus we felt like he was on an island by himself with no fans in the building.

...I feel like for someone who’s in his 16th season, nothing’s slowed down. On the ice or off the ice. He is still such a big magnet for our team and attention - and deservingly so. He shows up day in and day out.

The night of this game, there was a long delay before he did media and the true story was, we couldn’t find him. He worked out after the game (laughs). He brought a protein shake to media with him. We were looking all over for him. Sid was so long because after he took all his pictures, he went and worked out. We couldn’t find him! His teammates had all already worked out, showered, there was a cake- and it was just so funny. No one knew where Sid was. He was working out.

-Penguins Live Weekly on Sid’s 1000th game with Jen Bullano, 27 Feb 2021

In which sid is utterly sid...

[kingexpl0sionmurder]

Date The Hell Out Of You - Kaminari Denki

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder​ Pairing: Kaminari Denki/F!Reader Rating: 16+ (Fluff) Words:  1,575 Warnings: I have opinions about comic books so don’t come at me. I think it’s a very mild argument anyway so it shouldn’t be a big deal, but if you feel offended pls know it wasn’t my intention to bash on Batman lol. AN: Hellooo here is my contribution to this months bnharem collab! The theme is Co-Workers and I just wanted Denki and a bookstore so you get this short and fluffy little thing. You’re welcome! Please check the masterlist below for everyone else’s works and heed each pieces warnings before you dive in!

Collab Masterlist My Masterlist My Ko-Fi

---

“You cannot sit there and tell me that you think Batman is better than Iron Man. I refuse to believe it.” You huffed, crossing your arms across your chest and glaring daggers at his best friend.

This had become like a routine to Kaminari, ever since he’d started working at the bookstore, which had been almost a year ago.

He took his lunch break at the same time most days, anxiously hoping you had a break at the same time as well. It wasn’t because he thought you were cute (he totally did, honestly), he just enjoyed your company. You had some loud and unique opinions on a lot of things, and he was thoroughly entertained when you went off like this. 

“Well they’re both billionaires with no special powers, just a lot of cool gadgets, right?” Sero pointed out, leaning back in his chair with his arms folded behind his head, his bento sitting forgotten on the table.

“You’re right. But Tony Stark has a sense of humor. Batman is such a stick in the mud.” You made a face from your spot across from them, your chopsticks resting over your cup noodles, the utensil keeping the lid closed so they would cook. 

“Yeah, but in terms of physical strength, Bruce Wayne has got Tony beat.” Sero sat forward, picking up his chopsticks again. “Tony relies on his tech. In a hand to hand fight, Batman wins every time.”

“Tony is smarter, though.” You sighed. “Look, do I need to direct you to read the Civil War series? It’s only like 7 issues. I can lend them to you.”

“It’s got Spider-Man in it.” Kaminari supplied helpfully. “He’s your favorite.”

Sero chuckled. “Yeah, okay. Maybe it’ll change my mind.”

“Trust me. Batman is lame, he’s got some interesting villains though.” You finally moved to eat your ramen. “What about you, Kaminari? Any opinions?”

Shrugging, he finished off the last bit of rice in his bento. “I don’t know, I’m not huge into comic books. I like Deadpool, though.”

“That’s so on brand.” Sero chuckled. “He’s a ridiculous dumbass, just like you.”

“Hey!”

“Listen, Deadpool is probably one of the funniest antiheroes. He breaks the fourth wall so often, it’s my favorite thing.” You grinned at him. “I think it’s a perfect choice.”

Kaminari could feel the blush creeping up his neck at your words. You thought he was funny. “Thanks, Y/N.”

Clearing his throat, Sero stood up. “My break’s over. Can you check on the YA section when you’re back on, Kami? Some kids were in here earlier and I think they moved all the Twilight books around.” His teasing grin told him that Sero had not missed the way he’d reacted to what you’d said to him. 

“Sure thing, boss.” He gave him a salute. “I’ve got like 10 minutes left.”

Sero packed up his bento and shoved it back in the breakroom fridge and left, leaving Kaminari alone with you. 

Kaminari opened his mouth, spitting out the first thing that came to his mind. “But here’s the real question.” He pointed at you with his chopsticks. “Team Edward or Team Jacob?”

--

Kaminari was crouching down, putting the last copies of ‘Breaking Dawn’ back on the shelf when someone walked up to him.  

“If she’s Team Edward you’re going to have to call up Aoyama and ask him to hook you up with some body glitter.” 

He glanced towards his right, smiling at the scuffed black boots belonging to his other best friend, Shinsou.

Kaminari stood, staring at the cat sticker stuck to the side of the reusable coffee cup that his perpetually tired friend always had with him. His gaze then flicked to his face, his customary grin back on his lips. “You think he can help?”

Rolling his eyes, the purple haired man shifted on his feet. “Of course. He works for some makeup place, I bet they have loads of glittery shit.” 

Humming, Denki let his gaze move back to the shelf, making sure everything looked okay. He threw his arm around Shinsou and began walking back to his own section (he was in charge of The Classics, okay?) leaning into the taller man. “I’ll pick you up some black eyeliner while I’m at it.”

“Please do, I’m almost out.” He snarked, before his smirk fell and he sighed. “Look, you need to do something about this crush you have on Y/N.”

“I do not have to do a thing, my friend. I am happily content sitting over here and pining away quietly.” Kaminari threw his arm out dramatically. “Leave me be.”

“Quietly?” Shinsou snorted. “Look, man, I just mean, I’ve been seeing Monoma hanging around her a lot, I just don’t want you to miss your chance.”

Kaminari stopped walking. “Monoma? But he works in the reference section, where they sell those ‘for dummies’ books!”

“Maybe he read ‘Flirting for Dummies’ and now he has a clue. You should look into it yourself.” Shinsou’s raised eyebrow caused Kaminari’s frown to deepen. 

“I know how to flirt, Shinsou.” Huffing, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Don’t you need to go back to Science Fiction and get some work done?”

Sipping his coffee, he fixed Kaminari with a look. “Since I am such a wonderful friend, you’re going to swap me on Saturday and work my section, which is conveniently right next to Manga and Comics, where Y/N will be. You are going to make a move or so help me, I am going to beat you over the head with a copy of ‘Wuthering Heights’.”

“Why that one? Why not something longer, like ‘Don Quixote’?”

“Do you want it to hurt?” Shinsou asked, looking entirely done with his shit. “You’re ridiculous. Just do something, otherwise Monoma might get a date before you do.”

Kaminari cursed under his breath. The thought of you laughing and smiling at Monoma’s terrible jokes rubbed him the wrong way. “Fine. I’ll think of something.”

Seemingly satisfied, Shinsou patted him on the shoulder. “I believe in you.”

—

“How come you and Sero always have these fancy looking bentos for lunch?” You asked, sliding into the seat across from him.

Kaminari paused with his rice halfway to his mouth and looked up. “Our roommate. He’s like a mother hen, he always packs us lunch.”  

Looking impressed, you raised an eyebrow. “He sounds like a keeper.”

Chuckling, Kaminari sat back in his chair. “Yeah, he’s a handful, but under his extremely aggressive exterior he’s a good guy.” He gestured to your ramen. “Maybe I can get him to make you one. All I have to do is tell him you eat cup noodles for lunch every day and he’ll have a heart attack.”

“I like my ramen, okay? It makes me feel like Naruto.” You raised your arms and grinned. “Believe it!”

Rolling his eyes fondly, he turned back to his lunch, poking at his tamagoyaki. He’d been working in the section beside you all day, listening to you gush over the newest shipment of manga you’d received, shoving books at him and making recommendations. He’d been trying to work up the courage all day to get off his ass and ask you out, and he was failing spectacularly.

“You know, if you want to be like Naruto, you should be eating tonkatsu miso with the little narutomaki in it.”

You blinked at him, looking surprised. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

This was it. His chance. “We should go get the real thing sometime.” He swallowed thickly, his palms sweating. “Like, maybe tomorrow night?” He closed his eyes, waiting for you to respond.

“Kaminari, are you asking me on a date?”

The fondness in your tone had him opening his eyes to see your expression. You were blushing, biting on your bottom lip as you stared at him.

“I mean, yeah. A date. If you want to, I mean.”

He was seconds away from backpedaling, his heart climbing up his throat and on the verge of escaping his body. The anticipation was killing him. 

His nervousness and fear of rejection was all for naught. Your face lit up, a genuine smile gracing your lips. It was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

“I would love that.”

A breath he didn’t realize he was holding escaped his lips. “Yeah, okay. Awesome.”

You giggled, leaning your elbow on the table, resting your cheek against your palm. “Did you think I’d say no?”

Feeling a little ridiculous, he blushed and nodded. “I was worried you might. I’m an idiot and you’re...you.”

You scoffed, kicking him under the table lightly. “You’re not an idiot, Kaminari. To be honest, I thought you’d never ask. I guess Shinsou wasn’t lying.”

“About what?” He sat up straight, frowning. “I’m going to kick his ass. What did he say?”

Snorting, you shook your head. “He might have mentioned that you liked me. I wasn’t sure though.”

“Are you kidding? Was I not being obvious enough?”

“You flirt with everyone, I didn’t think I was special.” You teased. “I’m glad he was right, though.” You turned back to your noodles.

“You are though. At least you are to me.” Grinning, he nudged your foot with his. “I’m going to date the hell out of you, Y/N. Just wait and see.”

His heart swooped in his chest when you looked back at him across the table. “I’m looking forward to it.”

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 307: The One With Shindou

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor and Hawks (and Jeanist too, although he didn’t really do anything, but BY GOD, WHAT IS UP WITH HIS NECK) held a press conference and were all, “everything you’ve heard is true, so we would just like to say, from the bottom of our hearts... our bad.” U.A. opened its doors to the public as an evacuation shelter. Deku and All Might told basically EVERYBODY about OFA, which is absolutely wild, and yet somehow we hardly paid any attention to this at all. Mostly because the chapter ended with Deku being all “I WALK A LONELY ROAD, THE ONLY ONE THAT I HAVE EVER KNOWN” and peacing out of U.A. to embark on a solo journey of angst. So this is either gonna be the best or the worst thing that ever happened to this series, so TIME TO FIND OUT WHICH IT IS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “so who do you guys want to see next? Deku? Bakugou?? Well how about SHINDOU?” Shindou is all “hi :) I’m Shindou :) :) remember me :) :) :)?” Horikoshi is all “I’m so sorry for depriving you guys of Shindou for so fucking long, how about an ENTIRE CHAPTER ALL OF HIM” and then he REALLY FUCKING DOES IT because, I don’t know?? Did we make him mad?? Am I being punished for something I did in a past life?? It really is, honest to god, seventeen whole goddamn pages of Shindou, punctuated by a few pages of Muscular, and topped off with one (1) whole appearance by Deku at THE VERY END. And we don’t even get to see his face. I am beside myself lmao I’m sorry you guys, you can skip this recap if you want. Or just skip straight to the end, because movie 3 promo.

“long time no see” now what could this mean?? can’t think of too many characters this phrase would apply to right now. although I can think of one big one, and I know that fandom has been trying to manifest his deadbeat ass to finally show itself for years now. could it finally be that time? if Hisashi shows up and debunks DFO a big chunk of the fandom is probably going to riot lol

(ETA: why oh why did I get my hopes up like that lmao. I’m pretty sure Hisashi doesn’t actually exist and Deku was either immaculately conceived, or the stork really did bring Inko a lil green baby from the cabbage patch.)

anyway, so the chapter is opening on this random scene of CRIME and DISARRAY

was this all done by that big villain from the previous chapter? utility poles knocked down, random holes in the sides of buildings, and it looks like this one car pulled over in a hurry and the driver just hopped out and ran

who are these people talking

OH NO, OH GOD

I am immediately struck by the urge to push Shindou off of this ledge. is that mean? probably that is mean, but also fuck this guy lmao. every year you cheat someone out of their well-deserved spot in the popularity poll, and every year I want to punch you in your stupid face for it

bah. and how are you doing, Tatami. love that hero name even if you do have arguably the dumbest superpower in the entire series

listen, though. here I am shitting on these Ketsubutsu kids for no good reason, and I’m sorry about that, and truthfully it’s mostly because I just want to see Deku and/or Kacchan and so it’s hard to give a fuck about anything else right now. BUT, I will immediately cease and desist ALL of my complaining if this means we also get to see my best girl Ms. Joke, omg. Horikoshi please

sdlkfjlskalk

FUCK YOU SHINDOU OMG. I’M SORRY GUYS I CAN’T HELP IT, EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO EMINENTLY PUNCHABLE AND DETESTIBLE. IT’S LIKE SOMEONE COMBINED WESLEY CRUSHER WITH JEAN RALPHIO

but LSKJFLEK at this random reminder that Bakugou refused to shake his fucking hand. like, that’s his “fun fact” apparently lol. it’s what he deserves

also living for this “cringe” here, too. fuck you Shindou. I am so, so sorry to any Shindou fans out there you guys because I’m just going to be like this the entire time he’s here. the hate is flowing through me

how has it been three whole pages and I still have to look at his stupid face

anyway so it seems like the kids are having to pick up the slack for Old Man Samurai and all those other assholes who retired. I’m guessing the U.A. kids will be seeing a lot more action as well

but in the meantime let’s hope no villains attack here all of a sudden, because all Tatami can do is make herself shorter while Shindou creates an earthquake to bring the entire building down around them dflkjslk

these guys don’t particularly want to go with them and I can’t say I blame them

so now Shindou is saying that yeah, they can probably handle the looters and such by themselves, but it’s a different story when it comes to the Noumu and the escaped Tartarus prisoners. Shindou how dare you make a reasonable point that I can’t immediately argue with

he says that one of the escapees was sighted in the area, so that’s why they’re trying to evacuate everyone

and the guy disagrees and says he doesn’t trust the heroes and thinks they’re pompous

fdskljk. fucking...

ME: Horikoshi can we please stop and get Deku HORIKOSHI: we have Deku at home THE DEKU AT HOME: 

Horikoshi. please. we get it, the civilians don’t trust the heroes anymore. I UNDERSTAND. I COMPREHEND THIS. so unless there is some other point to this scene I respectfully ask that you hurry things along because omg

did Tatami always have this habit of speaking in meme language and such? I thought that was Camie’s thing but hey

listen, I’m here for anyone who’s willing to drag this man down into the depths of the earth. I would just also rather not spend the entire fucking chapter on this oh my god. Horikoshi do you have any more of those chapters where things happen in them?? those are good, I like those

YESSSSSS FINALLY

so whoever’s on the other end of the call (ETA: it’s that rock-looking guy who can harden anything that he touches. why does BnHA have so many hardening powers) is telling them to run because there’s apparently a villain heading right for them, oh my

WHO IS HE

depending on who it is I can’t promise I won’t be rooting for them over you, buddy

ohhhhhh shit

huh. well that’s... hmm... but on the other hand...

okay lol no, I know it’s bad. Muscular fucking LOVES murdering kids. not even Shindou deserves that. I’m sure he has a family that loves him and stuff. and Tatami seems like a sweet girl. they don’t deserve to be murdered

that is the question isn’t it? are we really going to spend the entire chapter with Limbs-Retracting-Girl and her boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt from (500) Days of Summer??

YES OMG

YES PLEASE CALL YOUR SENSEI. my god do you know what I would give to see Ms. Joke take down an S-class villain??

(ETA: all I’ll say is that we were robbed here, you guys.)

now Tatami is running away while Shindou stays behind omg

Horikoshi I know I said I hate the guy, and I do, but my god. seems I don’t hate him half as much as you do you. been nice knowing you Shindou my man

are you serious Tatami really ran all the way back up here to try and evacuate these guys one more time

SHE’S SUCH A GOOD PERSON omg if you assholes don’t listen to her you deserve to get murdered

BRO

HORIKOSHI DID YOU REALLY FUCKING DO IT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT

LOL OKAY NO, SO FAR HE’S ONLY MESSED UP HIS FACE

WHAT A SHAME WHAT A TRAGEDY. THE WORLD MOURNS

okay but seriously, now he has to be dead

r.i.p. Shindou. he died doing what he loved, talking a lot and being utterly useless

then again, damn Shindou are you really gonna come out here and be a badass?? gonna make me eat my words there kiddo?

I have absolutely no idea if I should expect this to work or not. all I know is that this is page 14, and so it would seem we really are going to spend the entire fucking chapter on fucking Shindou. this beautiful chapter had so much potential, Horikoshi. and now look at it. I hope you’re happy

nope it didn’t fucking work at all lmao

IT’S JUST LIKE I SAID. r.i.p. you pretentious handsome lump

OHHHHHH SNAP

DEKU YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO LOL. anyway but it’s good to see you!! it’s good to see ANYONE other than these guys sob but especially you

FINALLY SOMETHING COOL OMG

somehow Horikoshi actually made the bunny mask look badass?? I don’t think this is sustainable, but I am here for it while it lasts

Shindou should by all rights be nothing but A HANDSOME PASTE at this point lol but WHATEVER. it’s BnHA; getting smashed into walls and cliffs has more or less the same consequences as being set on fire. slap a band-aid on it and you’re good to go

we are REALLY ENDING IT HERE huh

well. and that’s it. I just did not care about any of that lmao. a rare dud of a chapter. well, but we’ve had something like ten in a row that ranged from “pretty good” to “amazing”, so I guess that’s fair

anyway I feel like I owe you guys something other than endless bitching and moaning, so! BONUS:

now this is more like it

first of all, I’m absolutely living for this promo’s “YEET THE CHILDREN OUT OF A HELICOPTER” vibes. FUCK YEAH WE’RE HEROES BITCH

is Deku wearing a jetpack/parachute?? let’s hope he is because I’m assuming he doesn’t have Float yet, so if that’s not a jetpack then it is a LONG WAY DOWN kiddo

these maniacs actually got Deku to wear something other than his red shoes holy fuck. I’m speechless. are we sure that’s not an imposter??

Shouto has the funniest falling position I’ve ever seen. I’m assuming his left arm is not in fact tucked under his leg like it appeared to be at first glance?? like, wtf is the outline of your body right now Shouto

this is what I think it is after careful analysis, but at first I thought this kid had some hidden contortionist abilities

and then there’s this guy

I MISSED YOU YOU BIG GOON. loving the new gauntlets!! and he’s changed up his impractical metal neck thingy into arm thingies! but most importantly, ARE THESE WHAT I THINK THEY ARE

ARE THOSE WEENIES. KACCHAN. KACCHAN HAVE YOU GONE NATIVE OMFG

and meanwhile, look who’s with them! Endeavor makes perfect sense of course, but Hawks is a very welcome surprise. does this mean we can expect to see Tokoyami too? because I would fucking love that

lastly, so this confirms the whole “world heroes” thing! which we all pretty much guessed anyway lol. I wonder if this movie will take place in another country (fingers crossed). the city in the background doesn’t look particularly familiar, but this image probably wasn’t meant to be analyzed in that way lol. anyways, looking forward to this so much, PLEASE GIVE US A TRAILER SOON omg

[bwbatta]

two - persuasion

Abstract: Draco and you are just friends so doing him a favour and pretending to be his girlfriend wouldn’t effect your friendship, right?

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x reader

Warnings: some swears but that’s all!

Word count: 2623

A/N: let’s go for part 2 then?! Thank you so much for all your lovely comments! Everyone who has asked to be on the taglist has been added and if you would like to be on the list, just send me a message! Dividers are by the super talented @firefly-graphics 🤩

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 3

The plan was set.

Draco and you had talked some more about what being ‘in a relationship’ entailed, whilst at the same time avidly avoiding Pansy in your free time. In fact, you were surprised with how little you’d have to change the dynamic between the two of you.

The first point was friendship, which was easy enough you thought. There’s no point in starting a fake relationship if you don’t get on well in the first place.

Second, communication. You agreed to be open and honest with each other, this whole plan wouldn’t work if you weren’t telling each other everything.

And finally third, intimacy.

This one was obvious enough and it was more than just hand holding or sharing the odd kiss or two, you knew that. It was about selling your relationship to be believable to everyone else around you, including your closest friends.

One of which was Hermione.

The plan on paper was simple, you both said you’d start off small and work your way into being a couple, so why did you feel this pit of anxiety in your stomach?

Nerves? Sure, you chalked it down to that.

So when you entered the Great Hall the next morning, late and in desperate need of caffeine, you somehow didn’t expect your ‘boyfriend’ to approach you with a steaming mug of coffee.

You completely missed the blonde boy too as you took your normal seat with a frantic expression on your face. Your roommates didn’t wake you up like they usually did so when you woke and found no one there, you almost screamed when you checked the time.

“Coffee coffee coffee” the mantra on your tongue “where the hell is the coffee?!”

Hermione looked amused as she packed up the book she was previously reading into her bag.

“Ron finished it moments ago, there’s no more”

“What?!” You blanched “there’s none?”

Hermione shook her head, the answer a definite no.

With energy lacking and spirit deflated, you grabbed a couple slices of toast and buttered them quickly, at least trying to put some food in your stomach even if it wasn’t your usual caffeine shot.

However when Hermione froze slightly, eyes narrowly following something behind you with a glare, you frowned at her confused. That was until Draco perched on the seat next to you, holding a mug of coffee between his hands.

“Granger” he greeted in a civil manner causing the witch to freeze in shock, half expecting an offhand snide comment about her blood status. He then turned to you and offered the coffee, “thought you might need this”

“But I thought there was none left!”

“I saved you it”

“You saved me a coffee?”

“Kept it warm too”

You could’ve cried when you took the mug from him and immediately the drink warmed your hands. Eagerly taking a sip, you found the coffee itself was exactly to your liking.

You went to point it out but before a word could leave your lips, Draco rolled his eyes at you with a smile.

“What? You thought I didn’t know how you took your coffee?”

The question was rhetorical, not that you cared. Exhaustion was the only thing you felt that morning up until then, quickly being replaced with utter fondness for the Malfoy boy next to you.

“Thank you” you told him as he grinned back at you

“Don’t mention it”

Draco raised his hand and swiped away a lock of hair which had fallen out of your two second attempt to pin it back this morning in your rush.

Your breath hitched slightly as his eyes found yours and he leaned in towards your ear.

“How am I doing?”

Your brain stalled.

Right.

Of course.

He was acting like he cared about you in front of Hermione.

To convince Hermione.

Who of course, confirmed with a quick glance, was looking between the two of you with suspicion in her eyes.

Quickly painting a smile across your face like he’d said something sweet, you pulled back and shot him a dazzling smile.

“Alright, I guess” you said, vague enough so Hermione wouldn’t clock onto what he really said.

“Good” he grinned back at you before standing from the seat. “I’ll see you after class later, yeah?”

You nodded at him, and with a fond smile at you and a courteous nod to Hermione, he left the two of you be, heading to his first class.

With the thought in the back of your mind that you should probably also get to class, you were stopped by a substantially confused Hermione who looked at you like you’d grown another head.

“Was I just in some parallel universe?”

“What?”

“‘What?’ Seriously, that’s how you’re going to answer that question?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” you shrugged your shoulders before standing and picking up your bag and the mug of coffee from Draco.

“What aren’t you telling me?” The Granger girl continued to interrogate you as she too stood, though with a lot more vigor.

“There’s a lot of things I’m not telling you Hermione, but if it’s anything to do with Draco, I don’t know what you mean”

Striding out the Great Hall, she quickly followed you, pestering for more information which you avoided expertly until you got to your first class you shared.

“Why did Malfoy get you coffee?”

“Because it was a nice thing to do”

“Why was he civil with me?”

“Maybe he’s seen the light”

“(Y/N)! Tell me! I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight otherwise and you know it!”

With a sigh you turned to face her.

Putting on a performance like it was tough for you to keep a secret, you ‘umm’d and ‘ahh’d under her questioning until you really had had enough of the interrogation.

“Okay, fine, we may or may not be dating” you said like it wasn’t a big deal

“What?!”

“Miss Granger!” Professor McGonagall’s voice snapped “if you’re so done with your conversation, perhaps you could start writing your essay?”

“Yes, Professor. Sorry, Professor”

With a glare shot your way, meaning she’d grill you later for information, the bookworm turned back to her work and started writing furiously.

It was later that day that you found out that Lavender Brown had overheard your conversation with Hermione and so naturally, the gossip that you and Draco were dating was spread across the entire school.

Some believed the rumour, others didn’t so much. This of course included Blaise, the Weasley twins, and of course, the ever stubborn Pansy.

When the boys finally cornered each respective friend, they of course had some questions that needed to be addressed. 

Blaise cornered Draco first at Lunch. 

The Malfoy boy had just started to tuck into his food when a book slammed down on the table next to him, startling the boy. 

Blaise pinned him with a hard look.

“Is it true you’re dating (Y/N)?”

“How’d you hear that?!”

“Word gets around fast... so, is it true?”

“Yes it’s true” Draco rolled his eyes at his friend

He was honestly shocked at how quickly the rumour had gone round the castle, though he suspected some of the Gryffindor girls were behind it. They always seemed like they pounced on any gossip going.

This also meant, Pansy had probably heard it by now.

Draco’s interest peaked.

“Who’d you hear it from?” The blonde asked his friend

“Bulstrode of all people” Blaise rolled his eyes “thought I might’ve found out from my friend himself but apparently not”

“Sorry man, it only really happened yesterday”

Blaise waved his apology off

“So tell me, is this for real? It’s not a prank or anything, she knows you think you’re going out with her right?”

“Yes, (Y/N) knows we’re going out” Draco rolled his eyes in exasperation “she’s also not being forced or blackmailed into going out with me if that puts your mind at rest”

This wasn’t technically true and Draco fought the urge to cringe slightly as he remembered the deal he had made with you.

Despite the other copious Christmas presents he had to get you, being civil to Granger wasn’t so bad he remarked. They only shared a few classes, all of which were with you present, so all he really had to do was ignore the fact the muggleborn witch existed and he’d keep his side of the deal up.

“Good” Blaise huffed, finally sitting down next to him “can I ask you something though?”

“You just did”

“Smart arse” Blaise rolled his eyes but continued on “what made you ask her out?”

Draco paused.

You hadn’t actually discussed this so there wasn’t a definite plan on what response to give. The boy trusted himself to come up with a decent answer though so instead of panicking, he said the first thing that popped into his head.

“I’ve been in love with her for years”

Well... he didn’t expect that to be his response.

“You have?” Blaise asked also taken aback

“Umm, yeah, sure, she’s the one for me you know?”

Draco kicked himself once again

Why couldn’t he think straight?!

“She’s just... she’s so funny, you know? One of the funniest people I’ve ever met. Her laugh, man, is enough to make me laugh even harder because have you heard it?! It’s hilarious!”

Unconsciously, Draco began to smile at the thought of you.

“Also, she’s super talented at anything she does, which would be wildly annoying if she wasn’t so modest about it. She’s also the most sarcastic person I’ve ever met, yet also the kindest. She’s got so many good qualities it’s hard to even think about anything bad about her.”

Draco stopped, breaking out of his train of thought.

Now that... that, he really hasn’t expect to be his response.

“I’m glad you’re happy then, Draco” the Zabini boy smiled at him “seems like you really like her”

“Yeah... I do”

You were pounced upon by both the Weasley twins not much later on, both demanding answers.

“You’re dating Malfoy?!”

“As in Draco Malfoy? The ferret?”

“He’s not a ferret!” You rolled your eyes at the pair. “And yes I am. Why? Do you not believe the castle gossip?”

“We heard it-“ Fred began

“Still working on believing it” George finished

You rolled your eyes and continued on to the library, your original destination before you got jumped by the identical redheads.

“Believe what you want” you shrugged trying to play it off.

“See (Y/N), here’s the thing, I don’t know if I believe you’re actually going out with him” Fred stated causing you to frown.

“What do you mean?”

“Freddie here believes you guys are faking it for some reason” George chucked an arm round your shoulders as they continued to walk with you.

“Why would we be faking it?!” You laughed like the idea was ridiculous.

“I just know you wouldn’t go for him” Fred shrugged “your standards are too high.”

“My standards are too high?!”

You were mildly offended at the suggestion, no matter how correct Fred was about the two of you faking your relationship.

Reaching the library quickly, you turned to the boys who had halted at the sight of the only room in the castle they adamantly wouldn’t enter.

“Well, unless your plan is to follow me into the forbidden room of books, I’ll see you guys later?”

Not waiting for an answer you swung open the door, mind now focused on studying for that test you had coming up in Herbology later that week.

“I still don’t believe you!” Fred shouted after you before the door closed shut behind you

All you could do was roll your eyes.

It was dinner later that evening when you saw your ‘boyfriend’ again since breakfast when he’d given you the coffee.

By now, you two were the talk of the castle which is why you weren’t surprised to see a fuming brunette strut up to you. The Slytherin girl looked as if she should have smoke coming out her ears you thought, not that you’d tell her that and anger her even more.

“(Y/N)” Pansy sniffed almost impatiently as she reached you.

“Pansy” you replied innocently which seen fo infuriate her more.

“I heard you’re supposedly dating my boyfriend?”

“Your boyfriend?”

You couldn’t help but phrase the question like you really didn’t know what she was talking about.

“Draco!”

“...Draco?”

“Draco Malfoy!” She practically growled at you

“Ohh, Draco as in my boyfriend?”

“Yes! Wait no-“

You snorted at her slip up and ignored her as you sidestepped and entered the Great Hall spying the familiar mop of platinum blonde hair, sending him a smile,

Before you could make your way over to him though, a hand grabbed your arm with nails roughly digging into your skin.

“Hey, I wasn’t done talking to you” Pansy seethed

“Well I was done talking to you” you shrugged truely bored with the girl “I’d appreciate it now though if you let go of my arm.”

“No, I’m not finishe-“

“Yes you are” Draco cut her off this time

Pansy’s expression looked like her brain had short circuited for a moment before she gathered herself and smiled flirtily at the boy.

“Hey Drakey baby”

“Firstly, for the millionth time, don’t call me that” Draco narrowed his eyes at her into a glare. “Secondly, (Y/N) also asked you to let go of her arm so I suggest you do so.”

At once, like your arm was on fire, Pansy dropped her grip which she had forgotten about as soon as the Malfoy had entered the conversation.

You rubbed your arm as you pulled it to your chest. Pansy’s nails had dug deep and actually split the skin on your arm slightly by the force she had held you by.

“And finally, I’d appreciate it if you’d fuck off and didn’t harass my girlfriend, especially about lies that we’re somehow involved.”

With that being said, Draco wrapped his arm around your waist and escorted you over to the spot he was originally sitting at, letting you take his seat while he forced Crabbe to move down a space so he could sit next to you.

“Thanks for that” you sent him a smile “though I can handle Pansy”

“I know” he replied with a grin of his own “I just needed to get that off my chest. Let me see your arm.”

“It’s nothing-“

“(Y/N)”

With a sigh you reluctantly held out your arm so he could see the damage Pansy had done. Spotting the crescent shaped breaks in your skin, his jaw clenched in anger.

“Psychotic bitch” he mumbled under his breath barely loud enough for you to hear, “episkey”.

The wounds sewed themselves back together in no time and you send him a grateful smile.

“Heard you got cornered by Blaise earlier”.

“Heard the same about you with the Weasley twins”.

“Mmm” you shrugged “there was bound to be a few that didn’t just automatically believe we’re dating. Some might need a little more persuasion, especially Pansy. Also it is still only the first day since the gossip broke though, it might just be that we wait for the news to settle.”

“I guess” he rolled his eyes playing with the pasta on his plate with his fork, before pausing slightly, setting it down and turning to you.

His eyes glanced round the hall quickly before snapping back to you with a grin. Leaning towards you, he wrapped an arm around your waist to pull you slightly closer to him as his lips became level with your ear.

You fought the urge to shiver.

“Or... it just means we’ll have to make it all the more believable, Sweetheart.”

Series Taglist:

(If you’re in bold, tumblr wouldn’t let me tag you ☹️, otherwise if you want to be added, let me know! 🤩):

@weasleytwinswheezes @azkabanlexi @streetfighterrichie @queen-of-the-coven @gdee703 @thatguppienamedbae @crumpets-are-better-with-jam @savcks @remmyswritings @thescarletknight2014 @w0nderr @heyiheardyouwereawildone36 @moonlightorbit @ceeellewrites @nicole-prz @depressedchilipepper @swiftlymoniquesblog

[wenellyb]

i just saw your pinned post about other parts of mcu fandom being bad and i'm curious what's so awful about the Eternals fans? (aside from people ignoring characters you like who deserve more love or hype. it sounds very frustrating but i guess there's somethin more going on if it's so terrible you compared them to the loki fandom. do they argue a lot or just have bad takes on the movie?) i'd love to know if you don't mind explaining :)

i haven't seen Eternals, but i'm ok with spoilers

Hi Anon!!!

To start it off I would like to say yhat I really liked the Eternals movie. It's not the best movie I've seen but I still liked it a lot and most of all I really liked the characters...they were great.

What is bad about the Eternals fandom? Where to start? The same thing that is bad with all other MCU fandoms and the same stuff you’re mentionning... They find one White character to latch onto and obliterate all the rest. This time they did it with Druig. I would have guessed Ikaris, but I guess he didn’t have enough redeeming qualities so they had to go to the next White character, Druig; even though Kingo and Phastos, were just there. Kingo was definitely the funniest of the Eternals and also an interesting character to explore, but somehow the fandom is making it all about Druig.

Which itself is ok. It’s ok if Druig is their favorite character but I can’t stand them acting like he’s a sweet cinammon roll who has never did anything wrong in his life. He did some awful stuff in the movie (I know you said you don’t mind spoilers but just in case I put the recap at the bottom under read more).

It’s funny you mention Loki, because the Druig stans are reminding me of Loki stans a lot, maybe they’re not as bad, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the path they were following.

It was the same with Loki, I’ve always liked Loki as a character, but I can stand the Lonki fandom because most of them want to act like he’s an innocent victim. I have seen too many posts from Loki stans saying he had never done anything wrong in his life; when he’s a literal murderer, he killed dozens and dozens of people. Like a villain is fine... But the first step should always be acknowledging he’s a villain...

When I got out of the cinema, I really liked Druig, he wasn’t my favorite but I found his character so interesting, but going into the Eternals tag... I nearly got a headache. Same stuff again and again...Everytime there’s a likeable White Character the MCU fandom pulls sh/t like this and ends up making me hate that character, or at least wanting to stay away from that character as much as possible.

Then, there’s the fact that the MCU shipping fandom has claimed for years that they wanted LGBT representation and when there’s a Gay character; who is married with a kid and who’s not a side character left into the background, but it’s hard to find posts about Phastos in the Eternals tag. Worse than that, they’re tagging their druig stuff with “Phastos” and as a result, it’s also getting difficult finding Phastos stuff in the Phastos tag.

It’s disheartening to go in the tag of the first Gay MCU Character and hardly find any new posts, or posts from other characters while know that if he were White and thin, his tag would be filled with dozens of new posts every day. Like don’t say you want LGBT characters if all you’re going to do is ignore them... or at least be honest and say that you want White LGBT Characters.

And it’s not a matter of screentime, because I checked and Phastos and Ben have the EXACT SAME screentime (maybe one or two minute difference on a 2+ movie, so exact same screentime).

TL:DR: What’s wrong with the Eternals fandom? The obsession with Druig while refusing to talk about his terrible actions, the fact that they ignored the first canon M/M couple just because none of them is White, in short, the same old thing.

Here’s what Druig did, I won’t go into details but it’s still spoilery so I’m putting him under read more:

He was upset about the Eternals stupid non intervening rule, which is good, but he went to the other extreme and while mind controlling people to stop a violent invasion, he chose another pat and decided to live in the forest (Amazonia forect in I remember correctlw) with a group of people he was mind-controlling. It’s implied that he mind controls them regularly, and they have this sorts of chapel, so it all points out to him being some sort of cult leader or leading a sect something like that. And when we meet him a thousand years later, they are being attacked by deviants and Druig mind controls those people again to fight the deviants, even though they’re humans and could die anytime. It took Sersi convinving him to let them go because it wasn’t their fight for Druig to change his mind.

Somehow I hardly see people talking about this; but there are already hundreds of posts about Druig’s leather jacket.

[free-pool-trash]

Okay, can I requests all free! boys (maybe add for albert and kaede too) with s/o who is youtuber (they s/o is pretty famous though) and what kinds of video would they like to do together. I love your writing and tq for it and don't forget to stay safe🥰🥰

Hey lovely! 💕 i love this request so imma pump it out rn (hey Free! queens haven’t seen yall in a while, how we doing? 😎)

Im just gonna do for style 5 + Albert and Kaede for now but let me know if you want the rest 😉

This is actually something I’ve thought about a lot so lets get into it 🤩

Did i proof read this? No ❤️

Haru:

He’s that boyfriend who supports you in everything you’re doing while simultaneously having absolutely no clue what you’re doing

For example; vlogging absolutely boggled his mind at first

“Who are you talking to?”

“Oh I’m just vlogging, do you wanna say hi?”

“Vlogging?”

“Yes, say hi.”

“BuT tO wHo?”

After a while he gets used to it though

“You’re vlogging? Hey guys.”

You have to beg him to be in videos otherwise he won’t do it

When he does though it’s usually a good old “How well do we know each other challenge” and sometimes you can even manage to rope him into one of those “picking each others clothes” videos

He’ll make appearances in vlogs though

Actually quite likes holding the camera

He ends up seeing fans in public and when they come up to him he’s like “👁👄👁 how do you know who i am?” But after the initial shock he’s really nice to them

Will facetime you so they can say hi

Absolutely 100% gains a fanbase of his own

All the comments under your videos with him are the funniest things ever with some gems such as:

“Haru really said 😐(😍🥰)😐”

“POV: ur the camera seeing Haru actually smiling ❤️👄❤️”

“#saveharu”

Makoto:

Supportive king!!!

Hands down your number one fan

He’s always offering to help you with your videos

Is always down with being in videos with you

His favourite thing is making videos like story times and doing gaming videos with you

Which are usually pretty chaotic and funny

The gaming videos provide your subs with a lot of cute y/n-makoto content

“Babe I suck at this”

“No you don’t, you’re the best” he says it really quietly while smashing buttons and taking his game very seriously

Vlogs are the best too, he talks to the camera like he’s on a FaceTime

“Oh! Hey guys, how are you all doing? I hope you’re doing good.”

Your fans love him

You’ve earned the “mom and dad” title

Since they love him so much you often let him take over daily vlogs

“Hey guys. Y/n isn’t feeling great today so you’re stuck with me!”

The comment section:

“Hi dad 🥺😭”

“Imagine having a boyfriend who loves u enough to literally do your job for you when you’re sick 😭😭😭😭”

“Whose gonna tell y/n that her boyfriend contemplated bringing home like 5 different cats 😳”

Everyone wants you to give him an e-boy transformation

You’re still trying to convince him

Rei:

I think he’d really enjoy doing videos with you

Not camera shy at all

The man has a lot to say

His partner has a beautiful online presence and he’s super proud of you!

He’d love making videos that have a little bit of competitiveness to them

Loves a challenge

Playing boyfriend tags with him is stressful af because he has the date of everything you’ve ever done memorised

Absolutely BODIES the swapping clothes for a day videos

He’s a really good sport and your fans really like him

“Rei looks better in a skirt than I do, you guys...”

“I simply can’t help my calf muscles, my love.”

Not great with vlogging

The comments you get:

“Rei when the vlog camera comes out in the mall 🙈 i do not see🙈”

“I wanna see them wear matching outfits 👀”

“Y/n please ask Rei to start up a studying channel 😭”

You actually rope him into making a study tips video with you

To be fair he does most of the talking and you just listen and look at him like 🤩🥰

He loves interacting with fans

He’s always liking and commenting on fan edits of you on Instagram

Nagisa:

Jenna and Julien. Jenna and Julien. Jenna and Julien. Jenna and Julien.

Most chaotic baby on camera

Craft! Videos!

Also chaotic challenges

King of gaming videos

He also is willing to let you put make up on him

“Nagisa, I’m begging you, please sit still.”

Absolutely does not sit still but gives you a lil kiss

He’s so sweet on and off camera

Most of your vlog content is just him doing golden retriever boy stuff

Your audience adore him

Videos come up in your suggestions and they’re all like, “Nagisa being chaotic for ten minutes straight”, “Y/n trying to get Nagisa to pay attention for 4 minutes.”

He gets so excited when your doing videos together, “Yeah guys, this is actually my channel now. I’m taking it over.”

“No he isn’t.”

“Yes I am. Sorry babe but you’re fired.”

Mr. Steal your channel

Rin:

😍😍😍 am i right?

First of all; he’s such a heart throb

Your fans are obsessed with him

He always wants you to work out with him so you decide to get some content out of it

Video gems like “Eating like my olympian Boyfriend for a week”

“RinRin, how the fuck are you even still alive?”

“It’s a salad, Y/n, not a bowl of air.”

“Who the fuck orders a salad at a restaurant, Rin?”

“I’m so sorry that you guys have to hear this profanity.” He says to the camera as if he doesn’t swear every five seconds

Those are usually the types of videos you guys make together

The comments you guys get when he’s feeling lovey in a video

“Oh to be Y/n 😓”

“Alexa, play sweater weather by the neighbourhood”

“The way he looks at her. Im in pain.”

“If they ever break up, i want you to put me down.”

Vlogging at the movies is hilarious because 99% of the time when you come out he’s crying

“Guys please stop telling Rin to take his shirt off on camera, he literally can’t say no and it’s distracting.”

Rin swimming content is highly requested

And what can you say? You give the people what they want 😌✨

Albert:

He’s into it

Once the camera comes on, this man becomes a comedic legend

“Hey guys, today we’re uh, doing something. I’m gonna be honest I don’t know, I didn’t ask. My girlfriend pulls out the camera and I do what I’m told.”

“We’re going to give you different aesthetics.”

He’s like 🤗 “oh okay go for it”

Very complient

He’s down for absolutely anything

“Content is content baby”

Sometimes he just comes into your video room and hijacks your videos

“Thought I’d pop in and say hi”

And by pop in and say hi he actually means sit beside you and look at the camera like he’s on The Office

Oh my god do the fans love this man

He trolls them

He sees comments like, “Y/n is so cute! 😍” and he’s like, “That’s why she has a boyfriend.”

They love him though and if he sees them out in public he’s super sweet

Kaede:

(Im ngl this dude kinda scares me)

Probably has to be coaxed into making videos with you

I get the impression that this man is cocky on camera

Did someone say ✨pda✨

“K, I’m making a video”

“So?”

Doesn’t really interact with fans

Or pay too much attention when he’s actually filming with you

He doesn’t really care but he does it because it makes you happy

He’s more responsive when it comes to vlogs

“I’ve convinced y/n to come to the pool with me, she doesn’t swim but she looks hot in a swimsuit. Not as good as I do, but still.”

You have to cut a lot of the stuff he says out of videos

He makes so many innuendos

✨comments✨:

“It’s the way Kaede doesn’t care about literally anything for me 🙈”

“Someone please check on Y/n, she’s TIRED 😩😓.”