#fun fact: the only person in my immediate family who uses dialect to talk to another human of the immediate family is my mom

[airenyah]

it's the way my parents raised me with standard german and i converse in standard german with them but then when i talk to our pets? i talk with them in dialect

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Ambiguous

There has been something I need to write about and shout into the void. It has been tearing me apart, and I don’t know how people will react elsewhere, so I figured this was the safest place. This will be the soft reveal before even speaking about it to my friends. Or maybe I will never speak about it ever again. Maybe I will feel fine after writing it this way.  For my entire life, people have mistaken me for being Indian, to the point where actual Indians walk up to me and start speaking in their dialect. My mile-long blank stare makes them realize that I am not Indian, and one of two things happen - they either apologize and explain they mistook me for Indian, or they exclaim, “You’re NOT Indian?”

I’m Cuban and Colombian. I grew up in New Jersey. I am an American citizen but it gets confusing when you take into account that my mother flew to Santiago, Chile to have me there because of a clinic that specialized in geriatric pregnancy at the time, so my “birthplace” reads Chile on my passport. That’s always a mouthful to have to explain and it further confuses people, so I end up saying, “I was born in New Jersey”.  My skin tone is best described as ambiguous. I could be many things. I’ve gotten Middle Eastern, Indian, and specifically “Egyptian”. I have no idea why “Egyptian” but. Whatever.  I have always lived in some liminal space where people ask the dreaded question, “What are you?” Now here’s the most frustrating thing of all - not everyone who has asked me that was white. Growing up, I thought that I could relate to someone who wasn’t white to understand how I feel. Black people have asked me that. Indian people have asked me that. Middle Eastern people have asked me that. Cubans and Colombians have asked me that.  Throughout my youth, I was paranoid that maybe I was adopted or something, given how people didn’t seem to connect me with my parents. I was told that my Cuban side hails from Spain, but my Colombian side is shrouded in mystery. My dad never liked to talk about my family. I never knew anyone past my grandparents. Well, I did meet my great-grandmother once when I was seven, but she had practically turned back into a baby at that point, banging on the table demanding food and needing to be spoon-fed. My own people don’t recognize me, and they often say things like, “You don’t LOOK Latino!” or “What? You’re LATINO?” and the best one yet “You don’t SOUND Spanish!” The worst offenders, however, would laugh and say, “¡Pareces Hindu!” which means “You look Hindu!” Hindu is the religion, dumbass. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can be racist and slip some “micro-aggression”. I am not fluent in Spanish, but I can write and understand every word in Spanish. I often inadvertently offend Spanish-speaking people when I reply to them in English when they thought they were being sneaky by talking in Spanish around me.  The reason I don’t speak Spanish as fast as my peers is because of two reasons:  1. My parents at the time when I grew up believed in the misconception and pseudoscientific belief that children will be “confused” if two or more languages are spoken in the house.  2. Central New Jersey, where I grew up, hadn’t yet seen many Hispanic people, so locals at the time often leered at people who spoke Spanish in public.  When my mother took me to our local Gymboree, I spotted a butterfly and shouted in Spanish, “¡Mariposa! ¡Mariposa!”. The other mothers kept staring at me, and then distanced themselves from us.  The weirdest thing ever was experiencing white people who studied the Spanish language better than me and making fun of me for actually being Spanish but being unable to speak it fluently. I had a crush on this girl whom I’ll call “Anjy” in freshman year of college. It took me until now to realize that I think she had a Latino fetish. Anjy only exclusively went out with Latino men, but never seemed to openly admit it. The only thing she did admit was that, “I can only be with a man who speaks Spanish. It’s so important to me.” So obviously I wasn’t a contender, despite being Latino. Anjy doesn’t have an ounce of Spanish in her. None. But she studied it since high school and fell in love with it and became Spanish’s #1 fan. I was so jealous of how fluent she was. She could roll her r’s and speak it beautifully. Since we became friends, I said to her, “Oh, I can finally practice my Spanish with someone!” We tried, but she laughed at me and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. You sound like a gringo.” It’s a very topsy-turvy world where some white girl uses a derogatory term on me, a derogatory term from my culture that describes an outsider, used to describe me. She went to Costa Rica after we graduated, lived there for a few years, and came back home with a husband.  (That’s when I fully realized just how much she fetishized us.) A few years ago, my now-fiancée gifted me a DNA test for my birthday. That came out of left field for me, and opened up a range of emotions that I wasn’t ready for. She said she remembered how I wondered aloud why I looked the way I looked and about my ancestry.  I sat on the DNA test for a while. 

I stared at it. 

I held the kit in my hands. 

I opened it and closed it.  What if I really was Indian? What if I found out something that made me feel so much worse? But how bad could it be? I was also wary about the company keeping my DNA for nefarious reasons. However, luckily enough, my fiancée had bought the kit from AncestryDNA - the one DNA company that has responded to people saying they would delete their DNA at their request. I bit the bullet and sent my sample.  When the test came back, I opened it up and everything made sense. It made so much sense that I laughed out loud. It’s so funny how nobody has guessed the only other possibility for my skin tone that is what I actually am.  I am pretty much half native to the Americas.  I’m not sure what that’s called. Native American seems to be associated exclusively to North America. So Native South American? Native to the Americas? Native American (et al)? The Colombian side can be traced through turmoil in South America, up through Mesoamerica, and into North America. So many spots lit up all over the Americas. And like the Cuban side said, I was indeed from Spain as well.  I was split right down the middle. 50/50. The native side and the European side were practically screaming at each other in my genes. I felt as though a great weight had been lifted from me that I didn’t even know was there. I knew for a fact that I was my parents’ son. I had an explanation for why I look the way I look, and it made sense and it was obvious. It didn’t end there though.  I didn’t feel Native American. I had no cultural connection to anything “native”. I tried thinking in terms of my personality though. I always had a strong belief in saving the land and respecting the dead. I did vandalize a construction site back in my high school days to preserve farmland. My family did like to decorate the house with Aztec and Mayan statues. Aside from that though, I had about as much personal connection to native culture as Olive Garden does to Italy. The thing about my parents being from Cuba and Colombia is that those were two very violent and turbulent places in the past century. After I tell people where my families hail from, they always asked me with wide-eyes, “Oh have you been there???” Well, I dunno man. If you have any inkling of what’s going on the world you would know the awkward relationship that the United States has had with Cuba, and what it means to be a fucking exile. And the fact that Colombia has seen gang wars for the entirety of my life. So no. I haven’t. When I was a little boy I asked my parents if we would ever visit Colombia or Cuba, but they told me we shouldn’t go back. Colombia was violent, and Cuba’s government watched everyone. My mother was afraid of what would happen if she tried going back. Maybe they wouldn’t let her, or us. Maybe they’d let us through but I wouldn’t even be allowed to return if they knew I was the son of an exile. Worse yet, they might detain my mother. You never know when your family had beef with the government and was told to leave.  And what really drives a knife in my heart is hearing people ask that really annoying question. “Have you visited???��� As if they were hot and exotic touristy locales. No. Because my parents were forced to flee, because they needed a better life.  “Wouldn’t your mom love it if you got married in Cuba? She would get to visit her home!”  You don’t get the trauma she has. You don’t understand how much of a toll it would take on her to return home and see all the things she once knew and love gone or tarnished. She received word recently that the farmhouse she grew up in now became a restaurant. The house that my grandfather built by hand. Strangers now sit and eat there. Maybe tourists. The hotel that my great-grandfather used to own now doesn’t belong to us anymore - the government said it was theirs. There is nothing for her to go back to but loss.  I felt distraught when I saw a former college classmate who has become an Instagram influencer immediately visit Cuba once travel restrictions were eased. She posted all about it and acted as if she were an expert about it. She used to be a lawyer in Washington D.C. until she decided to “take hold of her life” and “follow her dream” and go to Bali and now lives everyday in tropical paradise. It seemed like some people were pointing out the hypocrisy in her posts about life given the lifestyle she leads, since she felt the need to say something about it. She made a video where she tried to relate to her followers. She said how “it’s still hard” for her, that she “has to work every day”, and meanwhile literally the next fucking day she posts a picture of her having lunch by a waterfall, or napping in her hammock by the beach. But when she visited Cuba, and took pictures and wrote a long post about the country, I just lost it. She met up with some other white Instagram influencer friend, and they took selfies at a café and lectured about the region and--- That’s supposed to be my country, my culture. I’m supposed to feel that way about my people, not you. I went to a wedding recently in July. This black man slapped me on the back after I cracked a joke and said, “Hey, where you from?”

“New Jersey.” He laughed. “No, but really though. Where are you from?” “New Jersey.” “I mean originally. Your background. What are you?” It was the first time I had been asked that question since I got back my DNA test results, and for some reason it hit me so much differently.

I really wanted to say, “I don’t know.” It’s ironic how knowing what I am made me feel more confused, more alone and more isolated than ever before. I am bad at speaking Spanish, and when I try to practice with other Spanish-speaking people they laugh at me and say, “You sound like a gringo” and say they can’t bear to practice with me. I don’t look Latino. I might look Indian or I might look Middle Eastern. With me, everyone assumes things about me, no matter what they are. Some people have the luxury of automatic and unspoken assumptions about their background. Then there’s me. Not quite tan, not quite white. I don’t raise enough suspicion at the airport to warrant a search but at the same time I have to jump over one extra hurdle when they ask me one extra question: “Where are you from?” or “How long are you staying here?” or “What are you here for?” It’s very subtle and deceptively innocent. Nobody else who is pasty white gets asked any questions. They just stamp their passport and wave them away. I’m just ambiguous enough to warrant that extra step - just in case, you know? I envy people so much who can have a clear culture and place to point and say, “I’ve been there. I’ve been where I come from.” I envy people who can recognize all the idiosyncrasies of their family’s region. I don’t belong to any country or culture or identity. There are only a few scant pieces of culture that my parents passed on to me. “Oh, on Christmas we do this” or “We say this once and a while. That was a common expression there.” I envy people with huge families who have not been estranged by government and bloodshed or lost to time. I envy people who can trace their families back to their grandfathers and great-grandfathers and great-great-grandmothers. As a kid I wish I was able to say something like, “My great-granddaddy fought Nazis in the war!” I will never know anyone beyond that one old great-grandmother who no longer recognized anyone’s face. Everyone else is a name on a tombstone, or a whisper in vague oral history. I envy people who can firmly say, “I am *insert nationality here*” Because I always mumble at that phrase.  I am. . .a. . . I am from. . . . uh I am. . .  I am. 

[hanbintms]

            it  is  eye  ,  kofi  ,  back  on  your  dash  with  my  newest  child  !  as  a  reminder  :  i’m  twenty4  ,  prefer  she / her  or  they / them  pronouns  ,  and  i  reside  in  the  est  timezone  !  the  muse  that  i  have  flowing  for  hanbin  is  truly  unmatched  even  though  i  literally  came  up  with  him  within  like  . . .  three  hours  ,  no  kidding  .  that  being  said  ,  he’s  a  brand  new  muse  and  i  can’t  wait  to  plot  with  everyone  once  again  (  or  for  the  first  time  !  )  i  won’t  talk  your  ears  off  as  i  know  this  intro  might  get  a  little  long  ,  but  aside  from  that  ,  can’t  wait  to  write  hanbin  with  ya’ll  !

            (  SONG  KANG , THIRTY , CIS  MAN , HE / HIM  )  *  hey  ,  i’m  looking  for  the  office  of  HANBIN  KOO  .  they’re  the  EMPLOYEE  /  IN - HOUSE  CHEF  who’s  known  around  the  office  as  THE  EPICURE  ,  if  that  helps  ?  not  to  be  a  gossip  ,  but  i’ve  heard  that  they’re  AFFABLE  but  UNCOUTH  ,  is  that  true  ?  i  also  heard  that  they’re  the  one  who  THREW  ICED  TEA  AT  HIS  EX  IN  THE  LOBBY  .  anyways  ,  here’s  the  coffee  they  ordered  .

statistics.

            name  :  koo  hanbin  .  nicknames  :  han  ,  hannie  ,  hanbinie  ,  +  binnie  .  age  +  date  of  birth  :  thirty  +  january  9th,  1991  .  zodiac  :  capricorn  .  moral  alignment  :  true  neutral  .  gender  +  pronouns  :  cis  man  +  he / him / his .  place  of  birth  :  busan  ,  south  korea  .  place  of  residence  :  west  village  ,  new  york  city  ,  new  york  .  orientation  :  bisexual  biromantic  .  occupation  :  in  house  chef  and  internet  personality  .  nationality  :  korean  (  holds  american  citizenship  )  .  ethnicity  :  korean  .  language(s)  spoken  :  korean  ,  english  ,  conversational  italian  ,  and  conversational  japanese  .

background.

            koo  hanbin’s  life  was  relatively  normal  when  he  was  born  .  his  mom  ,  koo  seonghwa  ,  worked  as  a  nurse  in  the  pediatric  department  of  a  local  hospital  in  busan  while  his  father  ,  koo  kyuchul  ,  was  an  office  worker  .  they  weren’t  the  richest  family  ,  nowhere  near  it  ,  but  the  koo  family  made  it  work  .  hanbin  has  more  memories  of  being  with  his  grandparents  more  often  than  his  parents  simply  because  of  their  demanding  careers ,  but  that’s  not  to  say  that  they  weren’t  loving  and  attentive  parents  when  they  had  time  to  be  with  their  only  son  .  

             however  ,  life  began  to  change  for  him  when  was  six  years  old  .  suddenly  ,  the  money  began  to  dwindle  as  quickly  as  it  was  brought  in  .  the  refrigerator  wasn’t  full  unless  seonghwa’s  mother  would  make  some  things  for  them  ,  and  kyuchul  was  coming  home  later  and  later  .  seonghwa  began  to  work  harder  in  an  attempt  to  break  even  ,  but  she  never  seemed  to  get  her  head  above  water  .  she’d  confront  her  husband  about  the  large  sums  of  money  that  would  disappear  from  their  account  ,  but  he  always  blamed  it  on  higher  bills  ,  raised  rent  ,  or  sudden  payments  that  he  had  to  make  .  it  never  made  any  sense  ,  but  seonghwa  started  a  separate  account  to  ensure  their  son  could  at  least  have  food  on  the  table  and  clothes  for  school  .

            the  next  couple  of  years  go  by  and  the  money  situation  worsens  ,  with  seonghwa  getting  to  her  wits  end  .  she  spends  more  time  with  hanbin  at  her  parents’  place  ,  sleeping  with  her  son  in  her  old  bedroom  and  hoping  he  doesn’t  hear  her  cry  at  night  .  she  struggles  to  understand  why  her  husband  is  keeping  secrets  from  her  ,  especially  as  they’ve  been  married  happily  for  the  last  eleven  years  ,  but  it  takes  some  tough  love  from  her  mother  to  get  seonghwa  to  pick  herself  up  .  so  ,  she  decides  to  confront  her  husband  one  night  when  she  finds  out  his  location  from  one  of  his  co - workers  ,  and  she’s  devastated  .  seonghwa  finds  kyuchul  with  a  younger  woman  ,  gambling  away  her  hard  earned  money  .  like  a  scene  out  of  a  drama  ,  seonghwa  kicks  her  husband  where  the  sun  doesn’t  shine  and  promptly  dragged  the  other  woman  outside  to  wack  her  upside  the  head  with  her  purse  .  seonghwa  was  hurt  ,  but  she  had  finally  gotten  answers  ,  and  she  wasn’t  going  to  be  embarrassed  like  this  ever  again  .

            so  ,  seonghwa  and  hanbin  permanently  move  in  with  her  parents  ,  and  it  takes  some  time  for  seonghwa  to  get  over  kyuchul  .  she  focuses  on  her  child  and  her  job  .  from  the  age  of  ten  ,  hanbin  began  spending  more  time  with  his  grandparents  in  their  small  ,  but  popular  barbecue  meat  restaurant  .  when  he  finishes  his  homework  ,  he  helps  his  grandparents  take  orders  ,  and  he  slowly  begins  to  work  the  kitchen  as  he  gets  older  .  his  grandparents  soon  leave  the  kitchen  work  to  him  as  they  get  up  in  age  ,  and  hanbin  runs  the  kitchen  as  if  he’d  been  doing  it  for  over  twenty  years  .  however  ,  when  he  graduates  from  high  school  ,  hanbin  decides  to  spread  his  wings  .  over  the  last  twelve  years  or  so  ,  hanbin  honed  his  cooking  skills  from  his  grandfather  and  spent  most  of  his  childhood  in  the  kitchen  ,  so  his  grandparents  passed  their  restaurant  down  to  seonghwa’s  brother  ,  and  hanbin  left  for  new  york  .

            eighteen  years  old  and  with  only  enough  money  to  get  a  small  sublet  ,  he  knew  he  needed  to  find  a  job  pronto  .  without  formal  kitchen  training  ,  hanbin  would  often  get  turned  away  from  jobs  (  because  he  was  better  than  a  busboy  !  )  and  eventually  ,  the  fates  was  on  his  side  .  he  forced  his  way  into  the  kitchen  of  a  popular  italian  restaurant  ,  immediately  snagging  the  title  of  junior  chef  .  hanbin  ,  a  fast  learner  with  even  faster  knife  skills  ,  easily  works  his  way  up  the  ranks  within  the  restaurant  .  within  six  years  ,  hanbin  becomes  head  chef  and  is  a  force  to  be  reckoned  with  in  the  kitchen  .  although  his  income  changes  significantly  ,  hanbin  starts  a  youtube  channel  in  hopes  of  sharing  his  love  for  food  and  cooking  .  within  a  year  ,  his  following  grows  substantially  ,  and  he’s  approached  to  broaden  his  efforts  by  working  at  masters  international  .

at masters.

hanbin  has  been  at  masters  for  five  years  .  he  started  working  here  after  his  youtube  channel  expanded  ,  and  he  was  approached  to  create  his  own  cooking  content  for  masters’  youtube  channel  .  

basically  ,  he  has  his  own  version  of  test  kitchen  ,  but  it’s  not  really  the  same  thing  .  he  makes  recipes  for  holidays  ,  celebrations  ,  and  is  constantly  showing  how  to  make  traditional  korean  dishes  (  would  not  be  surprised  if  he  has  a  ‘  cooking  with  my  mom  !  ’  type  series  )  .

gives  food  tips  too  like  which  wines  pair  best  with  certain  foods  or  how  to  make  the  most  out  of  your  first  hosting  gig  .  probably  has  a  video  where  he  shares  his  cooking  playlist  because  he  wants  you  to  get  in  the  mood  😌  .

probably  came  up  with  the  special  lunch  for  Daddy  Masters™  but  gets  ticked  when  he’s  asked  to  cook  it  because  does  that  man  know  a  schedule  ?  probably  not  .  [  ‘  we  were  on  a  break  !  ’  specifically  ,  hanbin2   was  on  his  lunch  break  .  ] 

is  it  true  that  he  threw  an  iced  tea  in  his  ex’s  face  ?  absolutely  ,  and  he  has  no  problem  admitting  it  lmao  .  who  was  said  ex  ?  i  guess  we’ll  never  know  [  this  a  number  one  champion  sound  ]  .

probably  well  received  around  the  office  but  i  wouldn’t  be  surprised  if  people  disliked  him  .  it  could  be  his  off  putting  persona  or  honestly  the  simple  fact  that  he’s  got  a  lot  of  sass  and  no  ass  .

headcanons.

you  can  read  a  full  list  of  headcanons  HERE  ;  below  is  an  abridged  version  .

has  a  gyeongsang  dialect  from  living  in  busan  ,  and  honestly  . . .  that’s  hot  .  so  ,  when  he  speaks  in  korean  it’s  rather  strong  and  aggressive  /  pitch  is  vastly  different  from  other  parts  of  korea  .  

i  literally  have  no  idea  how  to  explain  his  personality  other  than  by  using  his  moral  alignment  :  true  neutral  .  he’s  kinda  that  guy  who  knows  everything  but  won’t  tell  you  that  he  does  ?  did  he  eavesdrop  ?  maybe  ,  but  he  won’t  tell  you  that  .  he’s  largely  indifferent  to  a  lot  of  what  happens  around  masters  and  maybe  it’s  because  he’s  been  here  for  half  a  decade  ;  he’ll  just  make  sure  you  drink  water  if  you’re  drunk  and  crying  .

a  Dog  Father™  to  a  little  re:  big  goldendoodle  named  duri  .  he  is  most  definitely  judging  you  and  can  often  be  found  sunbathing  in  that  solarium  .  

a  very  simple  man  when  it  comes  to  his  coffee  :  caffè  americano  or  an  espresso  macchiato  please  .  and  don’t  forget  the  butter  croissant  !

mostly  expressionless  . . .  like  i  really  have  no  idea  how  to  explain  how  he  looks  at  people  because  i  feel  that  stoic  is  too  harsh  of  a  word  .  if  you  wanna  know  how  he  feels  though  ,  he  has  extremely  expressive  eyes  .

he  won’t  admit  it  but  he  loves  hosting  .  office  potluck  ?  he’s  your  guy  .  having  a  conference  ?  he’ll  make  your  snacks  .  if  you’re  coming  over  he’ll  make  a  charcuterie  board  and  will  lie  saying  he  made  it  with  some  stuff  he  had  on  hand  (  but  that’s  a  lie  ,  he  went  to  the  grocery  store  and  obsessed  over  it  for  a  solid  three  hours  )  .

finds  joy  in  the  mundane  .  some  people  might  think  he’s  weird  because  he  loves  grocery  shopping  ,  and  heavily  judges  people’s  carts  because  processed  food  ?  yuck  !  he  won’t  say  that  to  your  face  though  he’ll  just  be  like  ‘  are  you  sure  you  wanna  buy  that  ?  ’  and  will  sneakily  replace  your  frozen  pizza  with  pizza  ingredients  hehe  .

that  being  said  don’t  take  him  grocery  shopping  with  you  NFUDNSFDS  .  he  gets  ticked  about  food  waste  ,  and  those  who  don’t  use  reusable  bags  .   probably  has  a  lil  garden  at  his  place  and  composts  !  is  angry  about  people  calling  a  chunk  of  cauliflower  a  steak  (  in  other  words  ,  don’t  to  it  )  !

wanted connections.

DISCLAIMER  :  i  will  not  be  plotting  anything  romantic  with  characters  under  the  age  of  twenty - five  due  to  his  age  !

ONE  TRUE  LOVE  :  this  is  open  to  literally  anyone  ,  preferably  like  ,  28  to  30  but  we  can  talk  details  .  truly  ,  they’re  his  one  true  love  as  the  title  states  ,  and  i  like  to  believe  that  they  were  a  really  happy  couple  who  had  a  meet - cute  .  they  moved  in  together  and  things  were  great  ,  but  they  broke  up  when  they  felt  a  mutual  dissolve  in  their  relationship  .  that  being  said  ,  they’re  good  friends  now  !

BEST  FRIEND  :  who  wouldn’t  love  a  best  friend  .  basically  ,  they  get  along  well  ,  and  they  are  used  to  sung’s  non - verbal  communication  NVJCNXJV  .  it’d  be  really  fun  if  they  had  totally  different  personalities  but  somehow  they  managed  to  click  .  TAKEN  BY  GRIFFIN  OLSON  .

TASTE  TESTER  :  someone  who  he  calls  on  to  often  try  his  food  at  the  office  .  they  possibly  will  appear  in  his  videos  on  masters’  youtube  channel  ,  so  i  think  a  relationship  based  around  food  would  be  really  fun  !  TAKEN  BY  KENNEDY  CRAWFORD  /  SORAYA  HATHAWAY  .

HORN  DOGS  (  DEROGATORY  )  :  i  have  no  other  name  for  this  plot  but  i’m  thinking  two  people  who  cannot  keep  their  hands  off  of  one  another  .  i’m  talking  sneaky  touches  in  the  elevator  ,  secret  hook  ups  in  the  seventh  floor  bathroom  ,  quick  makeouts  and  nearly  getting  caught  .  bonus  points  if  people  around  the  office  don’t  believe  they’re  Banging™  because  their  personalities  are  so  different  .  

CRUSH  :  also  known  as  ,  someone  having  a  crush  on  him  ,  but  he  sees  them  as  a  friend  (  or  even  worse  ,  like  a  younger  sibling  )  .  TAKEN  BY  AYLIN  SAHIN  .

PLATONIC  SOULMATE  :  best  friends  ,  but  make  it  sentimental  .  they  are  thicker  than  thieves  ,  get  on  each  other’s  nerves  ,  but  they  don’t  know  what  they’d  do  without  the  other  .  finish  each  other’s  sentences  (  and  sandwiches  .  sung  will  finish  it  )  and  are  borderline  like  an  old  married  couple  with  the  way  they  act  .

that’s  all  i  got  now  but  i’ve  reblogged  some  posts  that  can  be  found  HERE  and  i’m  down  to  fill  any  wcs  that  you  may  have  as  well  !

[valkirsif]

Unthinkable CH 19/???

In theory this is last chapter but i have more ideas and i decided to cntinue.. i hope enjoy

Tom Hiddleston x Reader

Word 3500

Warning SMUT

Tom closed the door and went back to the terrace where Y/N was still sitting and playing with the coffee cup without touching it,

"Are you sure you can not change your mind about going away in the evening?" asked, looking sideways, Y/N looked up at him, she would have done anything for those eyes, it was hard to say no when showed off his fascination with intent on getting something,

"It's the last night with my family, we'll be back tomorrow, I'm sorry but I have to refuse Thomas" she answered trying to breathe, "And Mr. Hiddleston stops looking at me like that",

"I do not understand what you're talking about .." smiled sitting next to her, "..I'm just glad you're here and I'm sas you do not stay",

"Sammy is really beautiful" she tried to change the subject, "You seem very close," continued, turning the cup around without looking at him, heard the man laughing,

"Yes it is," he replied, "And he's also very nice, I'm sure you would be good friends," said holding out his hand and taking the cup, "You liked it and it's rare when it comes to those around me", Y/N could not follow the speech, Tom ordered more coffee "This is cold now and I want you to be nice awake I have a lot of questions .." said stretching out his hand to tighten the woman's, "We come back there is a very comfortable sofa waiting for us" dragged Y/N still confused with him in the living room, "I'm going to want to show you something, " the woman heard him speak again in the strange dialect, took the phone to call Rice when room service knocked, opened the waiter and put the tray on the couch and poured herself coffee, waiting for the man to finish the call trying to understand what was happening, it seemed that Tom knew Sammy very well, was lost in thought when felt the hands of the man tighten it from behind,

"Finally alone" he whispered in her ear, a shiver ran down her back, "I want you to read something," continued putting on the armchair and passing the woman to his phone, Y/N looked at him puzzled and took the device, there it was an open chat and she recognized their conversation, he looked at the interrogative man, "Scroll a few nights ago" urged her gently, the woman obeyed, she was curious too, sat on the sofa and started to scroll, she found a series of messages who did not remember having sent, when checked the date their hands trembled, they were the night he got drunk while the others were at dinner, the heart began to beat fast

§ Here it is as beautiful as I would have been with me §

§ I sent the others to have an evening to be able to enjoy the dinner of our first night I miss you §

§ Why is it so damn hard to stop thinking about your hands taking off my clothes ??

§ I am the stupidest woman on the planet but I fell in love with you

§ I have seen the photos of your new girl I am happy that you are re-launched §

Y/N did not have the strength to continue reading, that stupid had transgressed the first rule of depressed drunkenness .. turn off the phone, and now her secret had been discovered by the only person who had to remain obscure of everything, pretended to shake the chat while thinking about how to get out of that situation, it was not serious if she kept calm could convince him that the messages were for another person,

"O my god" were the first words that came out of her mouth, looked up from the phone and found Tom looking at her calmly and smiling, " I..I apologize for what I wrote, I had an evening depressing and I sent random messages I did not remember to have sent to you too" tried to look embarrassed while returned the device, "The times when it happened I always sent them to Rice, I really apologize", the man took the phone and put it on the table before getting up and sitting next to her,

"So they were not for me?" asked, staring at her, "When I read them I was about to take the helicopter and reach you" laughed, Y/N stiffened and he noticed, "I got worried and wrote to Rice." the woman was stubbornly silent, "..he replied that everything was fine and that, as you confirmed, it was probably a mistake", the woman did not believe her ears Rice had not told her anything about it, "I tried to pretend nothing..",

"Did you invite me only to know about the messages?" she laughed nervously, "Was not it easier to call me..or to write to me?"

"Maybe yes, but I wanted to see you" he answered candidly, they remained silent for a few minutes, "Darling we are friends, are not we?"

"Of course we are, what a stupid question," she replied piqued,

"I have a problem and I was hoping I could help it," he said seriously,

"I do not assure you anything but I listen to you" Y/N answered by placing a hand on the man's knee to invite him to continue, Tom squeezed her fingers intertwining his,

"I met a woman and I think she's the right one" he began, "My problem is that I do not know how to come forward, it seems stupid but I miss the words",

"Do you miss the words?! Just you miss the words?" Y/N escaped a laugh,"Sorry I did not have to laugh like that but if I think of someone loquacious you come to my mind it's strange to see you speechless," answered trying to stay serious, "And Sammy does not seem to me the kind of woman that's hard to talk about" grudgingly,

"What's Sammy?" Tom looked at her, "Did not you think it was my new girlfriend ?!" burst out laughing,

"Why is not it? ..I believed as an idiot, you maybe do not follow what happens on the social network but there are some very clear photos of the two of you" began to laugh back, it felt so normal to have believed at certain things, with Rice she had seen all of them among photos, videos and quirks in general, that he could not believe was falling so easily,

"Omg Sammy and I know each other from childhood, is one of my best friends but there has never been anything between us", he continued to laugh for a while once calmly resumed the speech, "However she also took me around this thing do not worry ",

"The woman I'm talking about has a friend introduced her to me, I confess that she immediately struck me not only because has a beautiful body but because she is likeable in some ways similar to me, she likes that others feel at ease and pampered.." he attracted to himself, Y/N leaned against his chest in reflection, was so used to being in that position that came naturally despite her heart in pieces,

"..I have not met many people with such a big ability to love, not to mention that he has never treated me in a different way just because for everyone is now Loki "

"Did not she give you any signal to try something for you?" the woman asked, raising her face slightly to look at him,

"In fact if she did I did not notice, she's so loving with everyone that it's hard to understand, came to see me on the set and I tried to step forward but she stiffened and I let it go," he concluded with a sigh,

"Maybe she's just shy or feels uncomfortable," the woman continued, "I think it's not easy for a normal person to deal with you, or more generally with your world, even just photos of you and Sammy could send her in crisis do not you think? "

"Honestly I had not thought about it, I'm so used to certain things that I did not think could be a problem for those outside this world, I try to live my life out of work as normal as possible ignoring the paparazzi and the voices , if one is fixed on these things no longer goes out of home "laughed embittered, "At first I thought it was just a physical thing, I have to admit that we had a lot of fun, then I left to start shooting and I focused on the job but the morning when I woke up I was in bed and she was not there and I realized how much I missed.." got up walking around the room,"..and I do not talk about sex, I missed going into the kitchen and find her dancing while preparing breakfast with her plus sizes t-shirt and unkempt hair.." the man had stopped and looked at her, Y/N was shattered to hear about someone like Tom was doing the mysterious woman destroyed her, she got up looking of try keep the tears,

"Thomas.." she began feeling that the biggest hysterical crisis of her life was about to explode, "..I had to go, sorry" took the bag embraced him and headed for the door,

"Wait a minute" held her by putting a hand on shoulder and making her turn, tears streaked her face, "I know that the messages were for me, you can deny but I know .." he said gently, "..I spoke with Evans" concluded, still staring at her, the woman raised her face in disbelief, as she had been able to do this before Rice and now Chris felt betrayed by his friends,

"If you knew everything why you wanted me here, you could not pretend anything and let me go back to my life?" no longer worried about holding back crying, she wanted to continue but the words died in his throat only managed to shake her head ,

"Oh darling.." he took her face in his hands, "..did not you hear a word of what I said?" smiled, "I am in love with a woman who loves pajamas with penguins, which is sexy from fear with the corset and that has beautiful colored hair always ruffled.." finished talking while continuing to stare at her smiling, Y/N was lost in the man's eyes, could not believe her ears what he was saying was impossible, went over the speech in mind was confused and still did not believe it,

"..You..YOU..falling in love with ME?" could not formulate a coherent phrase was so astonished to have understood, smiled at the man still with tears coming down, "It is so..absurd..impossible.."

"..it's all so absurd" Tom answered before kissing her.

After what she had spent in the previous days feeling the heart return intact and the blood flowing in the veins was almost painful, everything disappeared in the instant when felt Tom's lips on her, the arms of the man tighten it stopped breathing, at that moment the only thing she felt was Tom's tongue creeping into her mouth and his hands touching her, her body hungry for moments like that, she laughed, sinking hands in the hair of the man who broke away from her and wiped tears still falling,

"Just stop cry now" he smiled,

"I'm trying, is that I'm still incredulous" laughed trying to regain control of their emotions, "Sorry I'll pass right away"

"Do not apologize, you've never been so beautiful, not even when I saw you naked the first time after the party," said before returning to kiss her, the only memory of him undressing made her blush Y/N that clung to him not there was nothing tender in the passion that grew, only the urgency to have it all for herself, a hand slipped on the sculpted chest of the man coming down to his belt, felt his excitement through his pants, the two fell on the sofa, Y/N was still clinging to his hips too excited to wait for him to get undressed, she clung to her shirt and blew the buttons,

"Was one of my favorites," he laughed, taking it off wrists and putting her hands over head, "So I do not risk tearing my pants," snarled at the woman's ear, raising her t-shirt and using it to stop her hands, Y/N moaned waiting for his next move,

"What do you say kitty if we equaled the score?" he said in a deep voice turning to take the knife from the breakfast tray and cutting the bra straps one at a time. "Much better"

stroked her face down to the breast, began to kiss while with one hand gently gripped her nipple, Y/N began to gasp, breath accelerated by excitement, Tom's mouth followed the line drawn by the hands kissing and biting each centimeter of her skin,

"Mine..all mine" said biting her collarbone leaving a new mark, the woman moaned and tightened her knees at his sides, a hand of the man had fallen down to the waist of the shorts and was loosening the buttons before creeping between her legs, he moved slowly on the fabric of the panties just touching it, tried to arch herself to increase contact but she knew had no hope, was in his hands and seemed to want to enjoy her body for as long as possible before end up undressing and fucking her, like the first night when had undressed and admired it was on fire, Tom got up and slipped off her shorts, turned around the sofa I went to fix it,

"You were about to mess up my program kitty," he said, freeing her hands and helping get up before loading his shoulder, "Close your eyes and do not peep" laughed giving her a spanking, Y/N obeyed and waited for him to unload her, the first thing that struck was the smell she seemed to be in a garden was curious to see but waited for him to tell her to open eyes, she missed the support for a second and found herself sitting on something soft, probably the bed thought, could hear Tom moving around her,

"Now you can open darling eyes" the soft voice.

"Oh my God.." she whispered, was sitting on the bed surrounded by bloody roses and sunflowers, "Mr. Hiddleston he knows how to woo a woman" laughed looking around, the man cleared his throat and Y/N turned to looking at him, she was on knees in front of her for a second she was distracted by his half-naked body and did not notice the blue box was holding in his hand,

"Before take off your panties I have a present for you" he said smiling putting the box in her hand, the woman's heart was in her throat she felt the heartbeat in ears, eyes swollen with tears, she opened it, a white gold ring with a complicated interweaving of blue and purple stones gleamed in the dark blue background of the box, she was speechless again, Tom took the ring and slipped it on her finger without saying anything, as moved as she,

"I love you darling, I love you and I want you to come to London with me" he whispered, looking at her, unable to say anything, she took his face in hands and kissed him, drawing him to her,

"I love you too.." whispered, "..and my answer is yes, I will follow you wherever you want, and now come here and kiss me" she laughed,

"Like my queen comand" he laughed, rising and taking off the rest of her clothes,

"Where we were ..." he said, taking her by the ankles and sliding to the edge of the bed, the woman mewed his name as he took off her panties and stroked her legs, knelt down and started kissing the inside of thighs back up to her pussy, Y/N closed eyes and savored the sensation of the man's breath between her legs, gently kissed her mount of Venus making her moan, he teased her by blowing on her clit before starting to lick, she felt the man's tongue pressing with little circles and bit her lips arching for pleasure, felt him creep in every curve, Tom's hands supported her sit felt her tighten and scratch, in the grip of lust screamed his name by planting her nails in the mattress, responding to the unexpressed desire of the woman Tom slipped two fingers into her pussy moving to rhythm of her breath greedily sucking her clit, Y/N came was arching and moaning, the man broke away from her and lay down beside her clutching, obscured by orgasm she said nothing stared at him smiling and kissed leaning on him, stroked the chest liked of that perfection descended following the sculpted muscles of the abdominals a groan came out of his mouth when Y/N took his cock, squeezed gently moving her fingers from top to bottom slowly, raised head to kiss him before following with the mouth the trail of the hands, she stopped staring at it, knew how much Tom liked visual contact during sex, before licking her lips and imprisoning his cock little by little, the man reached out to touch her face, Y/N closed eyes leaning on his palm before starting to suck, Tom moved his hand from her face and took her hair making her moan,

"Lustful little Kitty" growled checking her movements, "I missed your mouth.." pushed the cock deep in the throat, gagging, the woman continued to suckle licking the rod gently, now running out of air tightened slightly the base of cock and the man loosened his grip to make her breathe, she blindly trusted him, let him regain control without hesitation before starting to lick his cock with ever increasing vigor, complying with the moans, she felt it vibrate whenever did pressure with her tongue, she loved that feeling, mouth full, the man hands that held her hair moving like a toy, almost at the limit stopped her,

"I want to look at you while you're riding.." he growled excitedly, Y/N crawled on his body slowly, licking his abs, Tom continued to caress, pulling her to him, she laughed, running fingers through his hair and kissing him before going down on his cock, savored the feeling of hearing him penetrate every fold, the two remained in his eyes as she began to move slowly over him resting her hands on his legs to be more comfortable, the man touched her face before starting to touch her breasts , I scratch her belly coming down to her pussy, revolved around clit with small circles following the movement of her body,

"You like my little kitty," he gasped on his neck, groaned, holding her by the sides, rolling over, smiled before sinking into her strongly,

"Whose is this lustful kitten?" He growled increasing his thrusts, "Oh my kitty lost my tongue?",

"..YOURS .. I'm yours" shouted Y/N clinging to him, she planted nails in the shoulders clasping legs have his hips, she came again shouting his name, the man sank still in her imprisoned in the echo of the orgasm came, the two remained intertwined and panting, looking at each other in silence.

The trill of a telephone woke them up, they had fallen asleep between the messed sheets,

"Hey my Queen slept well?" smiled before kissing her, Y/N hugged his chest happily as never before,

"How long have we slept this time?" laughed hugging him, "It will be great to see who calls," said getting up and going to the room following the trill, "It's yours!" shouted passing him the device,

"Thanks darling," he laughed, patting her bottom, "Anyway, we rested only a couple of hours," said before answering, the woman kissed him on the neck before looking for her phone and seeing if they had looked for her, found a couple of messages from Rice,

§Poppy all right? We are having lunch we thought to come and get you in a couple of hours§, she wrote and canceled the answer at least 10 times, did not know what and how to say so he just answered a simple "it's all right", waiting for Tom ordered lunch , with all the emotions of the last hours she was hungry, put on a bathrobe and went to the terrace where sat and still admired the ring on her finger,

"What do you think?" Tom had joined and sat next to her,

"I think I love you, I think how stupid I was not to have told you all right away and I think about how to tell the others.." she replied smiling, started to be worried about their reaction to the news and knowing it,

"Mmm I do not know how to help you" he replied thoughtfully, "I just told Sammy and she's so happy for me..for us" came over to kiss her, "Maybe it's better if you walk with your family tonight and find the words right..in 2 days we leave for London.." whispered, "I would like to meet your friends before going, I want them to see how much I love you, I know how important the Family is for you" concluded holding her hand, Y/N he smiled taking the phone and calling Rice.

[airshipcity]

for HC post: Harry potter, aph norway, legolas?, (from haikyuu) hinata, nishinoya,suga, bokuto, oikawa, yamaguchi (hopefully you don't mind so many ahhhh )

:OOO dw i don’t mind!!! i’m putting them under a cut to save my poor followers’ dashes tho 

harry 

A - when he finds out how easy it is for him to get wizarding clothes that are actually fitted for him and sit right on his body, as opposed to dudley’s leftover clothes, he never wants to go back and hermione helps him get all kinds of nice, casual clothes, both muggle clothes and robes 

B - no matter how much harry loves the wizarding world and how different it is from his old life, harry and hermione still smuggle regular ballpoint pens into hogwarts because they can’t always be arsed to go buy more quills and inkwells just to finish their homework on time 

C - it takes harry forever to actually nail apparating, primarily because he just has so many shitty memories and experiences with apparating and portkeys and floo powder and all sorts of magical non-broom transport 

D - harry tries working as an auror for a while, but eventually decides to start a career as dada teacher at hogwarts, to the relief of all the people in his life tired of him still getting into life-threatening situations on a regular basis 

aph norway 

A - he owns like, eight different coffee machines. even though he primarily drinks black coffee. you never know what your next houseguest might want so he has Everything 

B - he also has two drawers full of ties, because the other nordics keep giving him ties for birthdays and christmas etc. a lot of them are joke gifts and he has at least twelve different christmas ties that play songs and/or light up 

C - he genuinely tries to keep up with all the new icelandic words for technology stuff and trends and all that stuff?? partly because it’s interesting, and partly because he feels like he’ll fall behind and lose touch with iceland if he doesn’t, like if he doesn’t pay attention icelandic will just stop sounding familiar 

D - he knows every single norwegian dialect. even the dumb made-up ones and the ones that hardly sound norwegian at all. he also speaks fluent swedish and danish, but refuses to speak either in the presence of sweden or denmark, 100% because they want him to. (he might switch over to a random obscure norwegian dialect just to mess with them, though) 

legolas 

A - legolas can use swords, but he’s fully aware he’s not nearly as impressive with a sword as with a bow or a knife or a pair of daggers, and is juuust petty enough that he’ll only use a sword if he really has to 

B - he’s a horrible, horrible actor. too emotional and takes all the fake arguing personally. breaks character and storms out in a huff. terrible at lying and pretending unless it’s to temporarily get a playful rise out of someone, and even then he’d prefer being honest and smug about it 

C - will stubbornly pretend he’s not hurt until he’s literally falling over from the pain, absolute shit at laying down and letting people take care of him if he can help it 

D - you know the “how to talk to short people” graphic??? he exhausts every possible Wrong option at every opportunity and every dwarf in middle earth has him on their personal shit list because of it. with halflings he just kinda crouches all the way down like he’s about to pet a cat and they just kinda endure it at this point because fuck it at least this way they get to look non-hobbits in the eye while talking for once 

hinata shoyo 

A - hinata will train and practice with like, absolutely anyone. some middle school kids sees him practicing and asks to join? hell yeah. old grandpa wants to throw for the kid a few times to feel young again? hit it gramps! some asshole in class lobs a ball of paper at him from across the room? hinata’s already spiking it and hollering a cheery “thanks” 

B - even though he’s plenty capable of jumping super high himself, he’ll never really get tired of riding on someone else’s shoulders. he likes the view and he’d like to enjoy it for longer than a split second sometimes, thank you very much 

C - occasionally, he trains and practices until his hands and feet are bleeding. sometimes he shows up with bandaids and sports tape around his ankles or knuckles and while it’d be easy to make jokes about hinata getting into fights with kageyama or the other teams, all the third years + tanaka are very aware of what’s happening and insist that hinata has them on speedcall, just in case something really horrible happens while hinata’s practicing alone late at night again 

D - hinata does parkour and no one gets to tell me otherwise. it’s just facts 

nishinoya 

A - on the team, his appetite is only second to hinata’s. no one has a clue where all that food goes. asahi is constantly terrified of their power level 

B - noya and hinata have an act where they balance on each other inside a massive trenchcoat they borrow from the drama club, which they use during training camps and stuff to entertain the other players - usually by imitating all the tallest people present, and some that aren’t there. their ushiwaka’s a crowd favourite, and whenever seijou is present for the act, oikawa immediately requests they do him (followed by iwa who usually follows up with “yeah and then do oikawa next” to zero protest from anyone but oikawa) 

C - man i don’t have a lot of sad headcanons for noya??? but: part of him kind of wishes hinata would consider taking over as libero. not because he’s short or because he’s fast, all those things help but ultimately he sees a vast potential in hinata that he thinks would make for a great libero if hinata wanted to give it a try. he respects that hinata wants to be a good middle blocker and even an ace, and thinks it’s a super cool and ambitious goal that hinata might actually achieve, but hinata understands what being a libero truly means at the core, probably moreso than anyone else in karasuno, and noya’s sad to see that possibility already gone 

D - noya is suuuper affectionate when people let him be. he’ll happily give out hugs and smooch cheeks and play with people’s hair and lay on their laps like a cat in the sun, as long as he’s certain the other person is comfortable with it 

suga 

A - suga does bunny ears on people in photos like, all the time. most pictures with suga standing next to someone will have to be retaken 

B - suga has a surprisingly strong competitive streak, and loves challenges set by his kohais. he wins most of them, sometimes just because he’d rather push himself to the limit and be pleasantly smug about “still got it” than have his juniors laugh at him and calling him old 

C - you’d think asahi would be the one that gets sick the most often and that suga’s the team mom who always has to take care of all the sick team members, but suga’s usually the first to catch anything that’s going around, and the flu just knocks him completely out for a full week. he kinda hates it, especially missing training and matches and having people worry about him and not being able to rely on him for being there for an important match because he could well be sick for it, but he doesn’t like talking about it, so he just grumbles and lets the others help so he can get back on his feet, only to huff at them about how they shouldn’t put themselves at risk of catching it from him. daichi fondly tells him to shut up and then sneezes. suga yells even louder 

D - suga used to be an avid reader, but hasn’t had much time to sit down with books since he started doing volleyball, so he listens to a lot of audiobooks when he can 

bokuto 

A - bokuto is 100% a dog person, he’s especially great with big dog breeds but he loves them all and sometimes volunteers at kennels when he has extra time 

B - the fukurodani drama club has been trying to recruit bokuto for years, and go to all their volleyball matches just bc bokuto’s dramatic everything is 1) entertaining and 2) gives them a lot of inspiration for their own activities and roles. bokuto’s heart is with the ball but he still shows up to just about all of the drama club’s shows in return, clapping and cheering loudly (which helps with the drama club members’ nerves because none of them are gonna look sillier than bokuto even if they trip up) 

C - bokuto has a heart condition, and everyone on the fukurodani team is aware of it, but he persistently doesn’t talk about it and none of them ever bring it up, unless something really, really serious happens. akaashi nearly falls over himself whenever it looks like something’s wrong with bokuto but he usually manages to keep his cool 

D - bokuto sings in the shower, especially communal showers, loudly and badly. he’s actually much better at singing when he wants to but where’s the fun in that when he can joke around instead (also if the drama club finds out he’s actually good at singing they’ll never let go) 

oikawa 

A - oikawa is the undisputed king of movie nerds at aoba johsai, but he’s kind of a snob about it, with thorough lists of what movies he thinks are Good and which ones he’ll grimace at you at for even acknowledging out loud 

B - oikawa just really really cannot swim. he’s so bad at it, it’s barely even funny. he can sort of dog paddle, but that’s it. everyone else at seijoh swims circles around him. 

C - he’s a massive hypocrite when it comes to food and nutrition, and pays fairly close attention to his team to make sure they eat as much as they need and the right kinds of foods, while simultaneously eating like, one (1) banana for breakfast because he didn’t take the time to prepare anything the night before and was in a rush. fortunately iwaizumi gets on his case about it constantly and usually packs extra food to make sure tohru eats, but he has collapsed mid-practice at least once because he just straight up forgot to eat properly for two days straight 

D - he has like, an entire wall in his room dedicated to his team and his family and the people he gives a shit about. dumb pictures, newspaper cutouts, heart-shaped post-it notes with quotes, little neatly scrawled notes about their favourite foods and how they like their tosses and specific weaknesses of the various other teams, all that junk. it’s  kind of a huge mess but he loves looking at it 

yamaguchi 

A - yamaguchi is such an all-over nerd that he sometimes forgets he plays an actual sport. he shows up to every practice and trains his jump-float serve all the time and yet he somehow keeps catching himself thinking jocks are the furthest thing from him and tsukki 

B - yamaguchi has, hands down, the neatest handwriting of the whole karasuno team. even neater than kiyoko, yachi, or tsukki, which is incredibly impressive. he doesn’t even realize it. 

C - he’s great at doing chores and household stuff, but that’s mainly because he’s always had to do these things and learnt at a very young age. as a result, he feels constantly responsible for everything, including the happiness of people around him and making sure everything is as good as it can be, which is hard sometimes. especially with tsukishima, who doesn’t always communicate properly whether something’s wrong or if everything’s okay or if he needs anything, so yamaguchi often feels like he’s not doing enough 

D - yachi and yamaguchi chat a lot when they have the time, so they both bring powerbanks and phone chargers everywhere because their line apps never get any rest. sometimes yamaguchi accidentally sends something to tsukki instead of yachi and tsukishima’s response is always some variation on “what the hell are you guys even talking about, how is this possibly related to anything” and yamaguchi just “oh whoops sorry, it makes sense in context okay”. tsukishima genuinely wonders if they just send him weird pictures and shit just to mess with him. sometimes he’s actually right 

[putschki1969]

Lisani! 2010 Pamphlet - Kalafina Q&A 50 Translation

Hey! ( ･ω･)ﾉ Yesterday @mistress-of-the-obvious was kind enough to share her scans of the pamphlet and after quickly browsing through these questions, I thought it would be quite fun to translate them so you all know what’s going on ^_^. Of course we know a lot of this stuff already but all in all, the Q&A was quite insightful and there were a couple of new facts here and there. Please enjoy!

1. What was the first CD you bought? "口マンスの神様/Romance no Kamisama" by Hirose Kōmi and "パラシューター/Parachuter” by Folder (W) "BOY MEETS GIRL" by TRF (K) A Destiny's Child album (H) 2. Which song do you have on repeat right now? Kalafina's new song (W) Makihara Noriyuki’s "SPY" (K) Acid Black Cherry’s "Maria" (H) 3. Which artists do you look up to? Celine Dion (W) Ozaki Yutaka (K) DREAMS COME TRUE, Beyonce (H) 4. Who would you like to have a singing session with? Celine Dion, Spitz, Joe Hisaishi (W) KARA (K) DREAMS COME TRUE, Beyonce, Acid Black Cherry (H) 5. Who would you really like to meet? Hayao Miyazaki (W) Girls' Generation (K) Myself from a previous life (H)

6. What’s your favourite anime? All Ghibli works, "Evangelion" (W) "One Piece" (K) CLAMP's work (H) 7. What about your favourite manga? "Honey and Clover", "NANA", "We Were There", "Love★Com", " Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind ", "Oishinbo", "Monster", "Slam Dunk" "Evangelion", "Kyou no Nekomura-san " (W) "One Piece" (K) Works by George Asakura, Hidaka Banri, Mitsuki Kako etc (H) 8. Now your favourite game! My specialty is watching others play but I like "Final fantasy" and "Dragon Quest" (W) "Pokemon" (K) "Nonograms" (H) 9. What’s your go-to song at karaoke? "LOVE" by Nat King Cole (w) "喝采/Kassai" by Chiaki Naomi (K) "未来予想図II/Mirai Yosouzu II" by DREAMS COME TRUE (H) 10. Which songs would you like to cover someday? All the popular oldies (W) Ozaki Yutaka's "OH MY LITTLE GIRL" (K) Song with English lyrics (H) 11. A story hero you look up to? Ashitaka, Kaito Kid, Lupin III (W) Sailor Moon's Tuxedo Mask (K) Mickey Mouse (H) 12. A story heroine you look up to? Nausicaä, Sailor Moon (W) Sailor Moon (K) Sakura (H) 13. What do you most enjoy doing right now? Doing research for my cooking, exploring the city with by bike (W) Doing lives (K) Talking with the other members (H) 14. How do you relax? Reading a book while nestling into my bed (W) Yoga (K) While I am taking a bath (H) 15. What are you doing first thing in the morning? Mute my alarm at least twice (W) Open my curtains (K) I rub at my eyes (H) 16. What would your ideal off day be like? I’d take my time getting up, enjoy a relaxed breakfast, then I’d go see a movie and do some shopping and lastly, I’d have some fun in Disneyland! (W) I’d do some yoga and take a walk, I’d enjoy lunch on my open terrace and at night I’d have dinner with a good friend (K) I’d spend the day sleeping (H) [Surprise, surprise XD] 17. What made you cry lately? I got very emotional while talking to one of my friends (W) When I finally found a solution for something that was troubling me, I cried out of relief and immediately felt refreshed *laughs* (K) During an interview I was talking about our live performances, the thought of all these people coming to see our lives made me incredibly happy and brought tears to my eyes (H) 18. What’s something that surprised you lately? The high quality of children's clothing (W) A friend started to work on her abs and now her midsection is super thin (K) A bug was flying right at me (H) [Keiko as always obsessed with fitness! LOL at Hikaru being attacked by bugs] 19. What’s the most embarrassing thing that happened to you recently? When I tried on the aforementioned children’s clothing *laughs* (W) Eh? Nothing comes to mind... (K) Slipping even though there was nothing on the ground (H) 20. Is there anything you would like to start doing? I’d like to improve my English conversation skills and I would like to start mountain climbing (W) I wanna take cooking classes (K) I’d like to work on my tolerance for spicy food  (H) 21. One of the things you like about yourself? I am not shy in front of strangers (W) I am very positive and proactive (K) I think I have a very calm nature (H) 22. One thing you do not like about yourself? I worry too much about everything (W) I don’t think I am very smart (K) I am too indecisive (H) [You underestimate yourself, Keiko!!! You are always eager to learn new things!!] 23. What’s one of your habits? Pinching my nose after yawning (W) Putting on lip balm even though my lips aren’t dry (K) Talking in dialect. (H) 24. What can you not live without? Lip cream and a pair of fashionable glasses (W) Lip cream (K) Afternoon tea (H) 25. One of the “best” moments for you? When I am waving my arms and singing together with the audience (W) When I managed a smash while playing tennis! (K) When the three of us harmonise perfectly (H)

26. What’s something you are very particular about when it comes to yourself? I need to wear my favourite pyjamas when I am sleeping (W) The length of my bangs, down to the last millimeter (K) My eyebrows (H) [I wonder what Hikaru means by that? Does she always take extra care of her eyebrows? Or does she want them to look a particular way? o.O] 27. A daily habit of yours? Gargling (W) I always eat soup and yoghurt (K) Listening to music (H) 28. What’s something “weird” about you? When I am alone at karaoke, I will try to do some strange imitations but it won’t look anything like the original (W) Pretty much all day I am curling my toes. It’s rather troublesome (K) My sense of humour (H) [LOL at all three replies. I wanna see Wakana acting all weird and crazy in a karaoke room] 29. Something you can cook well? Spaghetti aglio e olio, simmered chicken with lemon cream (W) Spaghetti Napolitan (K) Amberjack Teriyaki (H) 30. What is your favourite fashion style? Black tights + shorts + tunic dress + jacket + fur muffler + beret + boots (W) An edgy rock style and a doll-y look (K) Cute + sexy (H) [Yup, Hikaru is always dressed in a very sexy way with all those see-through tops and such. I wouldn’t call her style cute tho. It’s more edgy and casual with a hint of sexiness if you ask me.] 31. Do you have any cosplay you'd like to try? Sailor Moon (W) Ruffy (K) · Cat (H) 32. What did you want to be as a child? Manga artist (w) Radio/TV announcer (K) Singer (H) 33. Where would you like to go on a date? Disneyland or a road trip (W) A place where it’s quiet and cosy with lots of greenery (K) Going to the places we both like (H) 34. What would a perfect proposal sound like? Something simple without being too stiff or too elaborate (W) "I want to cherish you for the rest of my lifetime" I really want someone to say this to me *laughs* “I would love to spend the rest of my life at your side” (H) 35. A place you wanna visit? Egypt! (W) L.A. (US) (K) Switzerland (H) [Yes Hikaru, come to Switzerland. It’s just a short trip to Austria from there XD] 36. Are you more of an “uke/passive” or “seme/active” type? Seme (W) Sometimes seme, sometimes uke (K) Both *laughs (H) [One track mind. All I am thinking of is yaoi/bl XD; I am actually surprised Wakana is the only one who sees herself as exclusively “seme”] 37. You are running late! What’s your excuse? I’ll apologise and come up with a tiny little lie along the lines of, "Sorry! I missed my stop!" (W) “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I am sorry!” (K) Sorry I am late, I lost track of time looking at cute clothes (> _ <) (H) 38. You just won a hundred million yen in the lottery! What are you gonna do with it? I’ll put half of it aside for my savings, with the other half I’ll buy a house for my family and I’ll travel overseas with the members of Kalafina and our staff (W) I’d buy a plot of land (K) I’d save all of it (H) 39. You are in a tough spot and in need of help! Who do you want to come to your rescue? Doraemon (W) Ruffy (K) My family (H) [LOL at Kei’s and Wa’s answers] 40. What do you associate with the word "Love"? Victory! (W) Patience (K) Doesn’t want anything in return (H) 41. What do you associate with the word "Music"? Kalafina’s song "Ongaku" (W) Being tied together (K) Connections (H) 42. How would you encourage someone who is dealing with a difficult situation? It’s okay, you don’t have to say anything, don’t push yourself too hard! (W) I will be there for you when you are ready to talk (K) I know it hurts right now but things will get better! (H) 43. If you could make one wish, what would it be? I want to be able to fly up into the sky (W) I want peace for everyone on earth (K) Please let me live a good life! (H) 44. If the world were to end tomorrow, what would be your final meal? Gyoza! (W) Chirashi Sushi made by my mother (K) A meal surrounded by all my loved ones (H) [No surprise there at all, Wakana XD] 45. Please share a secret you have never shared before! I am a big old scaredy-cat! (W) It’s a secret (K) Truth is...I have a big mole on the sole of my foot (H) [Why so secretive, Keiko????] 46. What is your best memory in 2010? All our live performances!! Our lives in Tokyo, Nagoya and Osaka and of course our first Asia Tour!! (W) Having met so many people through Kalafina’s music, I feel like each and every person has become a part of me (K) Being able to meet so many people (H) 47. Describe the year with a single kanji/word! 充実/Completion!  (W) 学/Studying (K) 寅/Tiger (H) [No idea how to inerpret Hikaru’s answer o.O Edit: I should have made my troubles clear here. I am aware that Hikaru refers to the Chinese zodiac year, the kanji cannot be understood otherwise but I wonder how to interpret that. Does that year encompass certain things? Obviously with all kinds of zodiac signs, there are certain predictions and such but does she really refer to that? Seems like something Wakana would do o.O ] 48. A brief comment regarding Lisani! LIVE 2010!! Lisani! LIVE is the best! (W) For this final event of the year, we would like to sing for everyone and have fun together so that all of us can feel united! (K) I am happy to be able to participate in such a nice event! (H) 49. A brief message for all the fans who came to see you! Thank you everyone for coming!! Let's make it a memorable day!! (W) Thank you! I feel incredibly happy that I could spend these precious moments together with all of you! Until next time! (K) Thank you for coming to see us! I am happy that I can meet all of you! (H) 50. How are you gonna celebrate the finished event? Karaoke, Disneyland, Onsen! (W) At a restaurant that serves some good and dry ginger ale (K) Anywhere, as long as it’s fun! (H)

[adventuresofalifethaim]

Day 5: Dreams do come true

Rather than end today’s post with a fun 🐘 fact of the day, I’ll start with one:

Elephants are the best. And they have accepted Stacey and I as one of their own. It’s a fact.

The topic of today’s post, if you haven’t guessed, is about how inferior humans are to these majestic beings. My mortal mind is incapable of stringing together any combination of words befitting of their glory. But I will try. For you, dear reader.

We started this day (which will forever be known as “The Most Magnificent Day” going forward) with a delicious breakfast at our LOTR themed boutique hotel, Le Charcoa:

Fun fact: I thought I was being funny when I said it was straight out of Middle Earth. Nope. The rooms are actually named after characters from The Hobbit:

Anyway, our friendly Karen Tribe driver picked us up exactly at 7:30, as promised and we made our way 2 hours into the Chiang Mai jungle to the Karen Tribe village where Stacey and I would be initiated into the Elephant tribe AND spend time with some humans who also had some cool culture. But mostly the elephant part.

As soon as we arrived we ran out of the car and were greeted with the magic that dreams are made of.

This is Buchan. He’s the Big Papi of the tribe and loves bananas, and warm hugs.

We spent a good amount of time feeding and getting to know each of the elephants and building a connection (at least that’s what I did). We were then paired with an elephant based on personality. Stacey was matched with Maree (the pregnant one):

I was matched with Chamhpooh, the mother of 👶🏻🐘 Devin! (Ok, his name really was David, but all the tribe people said our names were the same, and I wasn’t going to correct them.)

The best part is that I was also paired with Little Devin! Stacey thought he was a bully (he was), but he was just so playful and always wanted attention (pronounced “food”). 

You just had to keep your head on a swivel because he’d charge you whenever he got a chance!

After I beat him in a wrestling match, he was a little sad, so I had to give him a pep talk.

I may have told him that Stacey had a little crush on him, so it didn’t surprise me that he immediately went and tried to impress her with his incredible acrobatic skills.

Little known fact: Monday is Elephant Spa Day, and it just so happens that Stacey & I know how to give a great elephant scalp massage.

Little Devin was making fun of me, saying that I “missed a spot”, so I dealt with him the same way my brothers dealt with me...

He didn’t think it was funny and decided to go get dirty again.

So we had to have another heart to heart talk.

Once we got them all cleaned, it was time for exercise AKA climbing up the jungle mountain. Because I’m on vacation, Chamhpooh & Maree said they’d carry Stacey and I. We said we’d return the favor if they ever visit Seattle. The only problem was that we had to get up...

Years of parkour served me well, but Stacey....well, let’s just say if at first you fail...

...let the elephant just heave you

And we were off!

We let Little Devin lead the way. 

I told him not to get distracted. He didn’t listen.

After an half hour of riding on the back of an elephant I can understand how Asians can squat so well...

The appetites we worked up from all the rigorous exercise was satiated by a delicious hand prepared lunch of fried chicken, pastries, sticky rice and fruit. 

Despite eating all morning, the beautiful elephants were hungry again, so we had the authentic experience of making herbal medicine with tamarind, salt, pepper, bananas, rice, and some weird bitter green thing using a heavy duty mortar and pestle you powered with your foot at one end while someone stirred/pounded at the other end.

The rest of the group failed to pass elephant initiation and were sent home. This left Stacey and I alone to walk Chamhpooh, Maree, and Little Devin over to the banana fields for more feeding. It’s incredible watching them dismantle the tree trunks in order to eat the juicy center. As always, Little Devin was being a bully and trying to steal bananas.

Or my phone

The evening was spent with the tour leader, Sunday, and his family. Stacey was given woman duty making super meticulous scarves:

and I drove around and visited a bunch of different houses in the village. I just couldn’t help but feel connected imagining this was exactly what a Hmong village was like. The tour leader, Sunday, was the first Christian convert in his village, and we talked a lot about the differences between Shamanism/Animism and Christianity (he spoke English very well, and also a little Hmong, but the tribe spoke their own dialect of Karen). 

We “helped” with dinner, I.e. I helped pluck a few feathers and watched as they gutted a fresh chicken.

Dinner was more delicious fresh vegetable salad and soup, fried rice, chicken, and fresh fruit.

After dinner we were taught how to hunt crickets (which are very delicious apparently). I killed a massive one that could probably star in a Japanese movie.

I just loved experiencing life as a tribal villager, even if it was just for a hot minute. So many life lessons learned in just one day. I take far too much for granted and it was such a precious reminder that happiness is more about who you are with, rather than what you have. I couldn’t have asked for a better best friend, travel buddy, and wife than Stacey. It’s a valuable lesson I will never forget. And elephants. I will never forget my elephants.

[dcnativegal]

Words and Language

Since I moved out here 17 months ago but who’s counting, I’m beginning to drop the ‘to be’ part of certain sentences. As in, the fence needs mended, the laundry needs done, the presents need wrapped. That’s how Valerie talks, and other folks, too, here in the rural West. The dialect here is decidedly country, especially the metaphors. “Wound up tighter than a two-dollar clock.” “I’ve had about as much fun as I’m up to.” Valerie says that the family photo album is ‘down to Paul’s’ instead of ‘at Paul’s house.’  The sheriff’s report in a local rag describes a domestic altercation. The man of the house accused the woman of the house of peeing in the tea kettle. Wow. And then, the man of the house ‘drug’ her by the hair. I looked it up: drug is a legitimate variation of ‘dragged.’  I did not know this. The sheriff’s report is the first thing I turn to, for the record, in The Community Breeze. It is a revelation.

I learned a new word: Maar. Wikipedia explains: “A maar is a broad, low-relief volcanic crater caused by a phreatomagmatic eruption (an explosion which occurs when groundwater comes into contact with hot lava or magma). A maar characteristically fills with water to form a relatively shallow crater lake which may also be called a maar.[1] The name comes from a Moselle Franconian dialect word used for the circular lakes of the Daun area of Germany.[2] Maars are shallow, flat-floored craters that scientists interpret as having formed above diatremes as a result of a violent expansion of magmatic gas or steam; deep erosion of a maar presumably would expose a diatreme.” There are 3 maars in Lake County. I thought Crater Lake in Klamath County would be a maar but it is not: it’s a lake in a caldera. Another word I learned. (From Wikipedia: A caldera is a large cauldron-like depression that forms following the evacuation of a magma chamber/reservoir.)  Crater Lake is the deepest lake in the United States. Unlike the alkali lakes in Lake County, the water gets replenished by rain and snow at Crater Lake, even though, similar to the alkali lakes, there is no source underground that feeds or drains any of those lakes. It’s too dry in Lake County, being a high-altitude desert, and so the continuous evaporation leads to an increase of alkali in those lakes over millennia.

Another word I learned is coprolites, which is fossilized poop. Apparently, fossilized human poop was found in caves near Paisley, carbon dated to 14,300 years ago. That’s some old shit, right there. (Everybody’s a comedian.)

Lake County is very beautiful, although it’s not like Alaska or Colorado with dramatic mountains and green pines. There’s a primordial emptiness, with plenty of ridges and rims. I looked at the map of Lake county with keen eyes, and there is no way to get from Paisley to, say, Wagontire, without going around the lakes and ridges. A vast area where not much grows and there’s no way through. No wonder this county has only 7800 people, fewer than one soul per square mile.

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We were at dinner at Toni & Al’s place, and Valerie and Al were regaling us with stories from their days as millhands. I learned a bunch of new words, the most fun of which is ‘flitch.’  It’s the part of the wood that will be cut off on the sides of a big tree. Is that a fabulous word or not? Remember it next time you play Scrabble. The best part of the log is apparently the middle, after the flitch has been sawed off, because it’s too deep in the tree for knots. That part is called the cant, pronounced just like “can’t.” Who determines which is which and what gets cut when? The sawyer. It’s not just a last name! And the sawyer is the best paid dude in the mill. The two of them just went on and on, while Toni and I, the femmes at the table, listened and laughed along. Occasionally I’d chirp: when is it time to flitch the switch! Or some other irreverent contribution. Anything to make Al laugh.

Val tells a story (one of my favorites) about her early days working in the mill. She was in her early 20s, and the men resented her presence, but she needed the work. She was paying off credit card debt run up by her as yet undiagnosed bipolar, PTSD-laden second husband, who was off fishing in Alaska. Anyway, she knew her machinery. She was tasked with the grub work of sweeping and cleaning up the floor, and one day, she could hear the chain clanking badly. The chain that runs the saw in that sized mill was like an enormous bicycle chain fit sideways into parallel sprockets, and she knew that one side of it had come undone: broken and thwacking. She walked into the millwright’s office where the men were sitting around drinking coffee and told them that she suspected the chain was about to break. They laughed at her and paid no mind. So she tucked herself back by a particularly noisy piece of machinery and commenced to sweep. Pretty soon, one of the guys ran up to her and said didn’t you hear the whistle? The chain is down! She pointed to the machine and shook her head no. He said, well come on! Everyone was around the chain exclaiming, and a couple of men had to get into the watery ditch and fish around for the end of the chain. Valerie walked calmly over to the mess that was piling up and started shoveling. No one said a word to her about her warning, and she kept her head down. Every second a mill isn’t sawing is money lost.

The next time she heard a chain having difficulty, she walked into the millwright office and didn’t look at a soul, just shared that there just might be another chain coming loose. I picture the millwrights dropping their coffee and running out of the office so fast she just spun in circles. Val says they didn’t move that fast but they sure got up and passed her in record time.

She tells it better than I ever could. She told it again to Al. It bears repeating.

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The other day, I had a mammogram. The radiation tech had on a mask, because the hospital had mandated that all staff who have contact with patients and refuse to take the flu vaccine has to wear them. She told me that the efficacy of the vaccine is only 10% this year so she’d rather where the mask. For the mammogram, she asks me the questions: when did I first have my period, how many live births, did I breast feed… I answered precisely and quickly, and she said, you are so easy to question! I said, I used to be the social worker at the breast care center in a D.C. hospital.  The inevitable question came: why did you move to Paisley?  I was candid: because my partner of 5 years lives in Paisley half the year, and I wanted to see her the whole year ‘round!  The tech told me that one of her sons is gay, and had a hard time at Lakeview High School. He graduated and moved to the Big City (Portland). He’s getting himself together up there in a radically, more gay friendly, world. We rejoiced for him together.

That was nice. We are everywhere, even in Lake County, Oregon.

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I had another chat with a woman I’d never met. I opened a checking account at a credit union in Lakeview. No more mailing in checks and always paying ATM fees. So I sit down across a desk from a gal who’s a little bit younger than me, and there’s another woman in the bank in an office, who’s wrinkled face means maybe she’s a little bit older than me, and then there’s the teller, a lovely African American woman who has false eyelashes. We talk about Paisley (oh you live in Paisley! I love that little town!) and somehow, I wish I could remember the conversational path, I mention icon pee-proof panties. I guessed that it would be okay to joke around and tell her my most favorite discovery of 2017. She’d never heard of them! Immediately, she asked me to write down the world ‘icon.’ She declared she would promptly buy several pairs for her AND her mother. We agreed that peeing while coughing, sneezing, or lifting something heavy was no fun. And we are too young for depends. She looked up the web site. Her boss heard everything and laughed along. And the young teller rolled her eyes so vigorously that her false eyelashes started a breeze. We chatted like old friends: the benefits of menopause, how much harder it is to lose weight, how you can miss your grown children and be happy with an empty nest at the same time. Those panties are expensive, but they fit amazingly well and really work. Now you know.

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I don’t feel like the stranger anymore. In Christmas Valley on Friday evening, I went in for some cash at the ATM in the Chevron/Grocery Store and saw not one, not two, but five clients. I got smiled and waved at all over the store. The week before, I went into Willows Two, which is a gift shop with yarn that I dare not go into very often, and the owner is the sister of the Paisley Librarian. Turns out that one of the store workers’ aunt and uncle met me at church in Bend. So meeting someone from Lake County was a topic of conversation! I go into the Sage Hen Café and the waitress on duty, doesn’t matter which one, goes and asks immediately if there’s cornbread. Their cup of chili with cornbread is my favorite take out meal. One of my clients works at the thrift store next door to the Café. The gal who serves up 3 lattes with sugar free vanilla is named Patty at the Boots & Spurs Coffee Shop. One for me and my two coworkers.  I know Dale at the Summer Lake Store, where I get gas. He’s a liberal. We bonded over that fact long ago. We know the owners of the Pioneer and the staff at the Homestead. I know the cashier at the Paisley Mercantile (the Merc). I’ve done errands to and from Lakeview, Paisley and Christmas Valley for a wide variety of folks. I have a favorite cashier at Safeway in Lakeview. It kinda feels like I belong here. My ‘personal brand’ includes the following words: knitter, therapist, errand volunteer, liberal, lesbian, Episcopalian, sugar-free vanilla latte drinker. That’s about right.

[jessestoddard]

Welcome to Chapter 10 of my blog-to-book project: Life After High School: Secrets To A Successful Life By Those Who Have Had Twenty Years To Think About It (or) What They Didn’t Teach Us Gen Xers In High School. This chapter is called Gift Registry. If you missed the last post, click here, otherwise, you can start at the beginning here.

September 6th, 2004, on her birthday, I married Mae del Puerto. I had proposed to her on the ferry-boat coming back into Anacortes from Shaw Island. She was mad about some screaming kid and I interrupted her and asked her to marry me. Talk about interrupting someone’s pattern! I have no idea if it was romantic or random or both, but it worked.

I went and asked her father’s permission. Being much older, he is not only from a previous generation (WWII), but also a different culture (the Philippines), and was not too happy with our new fangled way of living our lives (in sin), which he was showing by being very cold to me and giving me more of the silent treatment on top of the silent treatment he normally dished out.

I must admit now, that I don’t agree with our choices anymore either, proving once again that I am a crotchety old man before my time. The only thing he said to me that day was: “It’s about time.” I quickly got out my English-In-A-Visayan-Philippino-Dialect-With-Spanish-Accent Dictionary and translated it into: “Welcome to the family. Now, don’t screw it up.”

We were married at the lookout point in Washington park and just happened to have the best sunset in the history of man that evening. It was just her parents, mine, and her brother’s immediate family.

I should have kept it at that.

We felt we needed to do something for our extended family and friends (as two bright-eyed newlyweds are bound to do) and therefore threw a reception party on my birthday on September 13th. We thought that was cute and clever, and it’s easier to remember. The reception was great, except it cost me selling my Microsoft stock which I had been accumulating over the years since before the split, which would have turned into a lot more money if I had held it even longer.

The money is gone, we never even got to eat, and most of the people there don’t like us anyway.

Word to the wise: Stop caring about trying to please everyone, since you always end up looking like a jerk and people get jealous.

…

We did the whole registration thing, yet every single guest did the same exact thing! They all completely ignored our list.

“Honey, do you think we should get Mae and Jesse these highly utilitarian things that they might actually use on a regular basis?”

“Oh, they’re such a fun couple, let’s just get them that martini shaker.”

My wife and I don’t even drink!

Still, we end up with 4 plates and three thousand dollars worth of barware.

We could have opened our own tavern.

They either thought we were a bunch of lushes, or that we’d be divorced in a week.

“Those two are getting married? Good luck. Better get ‘em that set of shot glasses. They’re gonna need to start drinking right away.”

Before our wedding, we were still doing everything backward. Mae bought a timeshare and we went to Hawaii on our honeymoon… Did I mention it was before our wedding? After our wedding, we went to the Philippines to meet her family… After the fact.

We traveled a bit and also saw Singapore and Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia. I was the only white guy on their island and it was not far from where only months after the news ran stories about the American that got beheaded by Muslim terrorists in their training camp. I was not uncomfortable at all. It was Meet The Parents meets Machetes.

I have thus far failed to mention that I continued to work in the fitness industry throughout the years. I worked around the clock during this period of my life and I did not sleep much.

As my grandpa always said, “You can sleep when you are dead.”

He’s dead, and I am tired, so I tend to try to avoid sleep deprivation now.

However, in my twenties, I had the need for money when I wasn’t working in the theater, and the gym job provided a good place to return to. I worked my way up to being assistant manager and personal trainer.

At one point, the owner offered me a chance to become a partner. I should have taken it, but I thought I might move away to New York or L.A. at a moments notice, so I turned it down. I probably should have taken the deal, as he was offering a chance to work my way into equity without having to come with cash of my own, which is extremely rare.

At one point, I worked for Pure Fitness, a chain of six clubs in Washington, run by an evil genius of an older used-car-lot style fitness mafia, era as their corporate sales manager.

I ran up and down the high rises of downtown Seattle and drove out to Bellevue and all around the area, trying to get entire companies to sign up for memberships all at once. The payoff was potentially very large for me, so I did hustle for a time. I landed a couple of huge accounts, namely Costco and Best Buy.

The commission check should have been on the order of sixty-thousand dollars, but right before that would happen, the managers above me decided to move me from one club to another and claimed that commissions I generated belonged to the former club and would not be transferred, so I was back to zero. I quit instead of fighting or suing. Unbeknownst to me, this started a string of negative business events that plagued me for years.

After Pure Fitness, I talked the powers that be at the 5th Avenue Theater (whom some affectionately called the gay mafia—their words not mine) into hiring me on in a business capacity, rather than as a performer. I explained all of my experience doing a variety of things in other fields, and they thought I would be a good fit to fill in as company manager for their new experimental launch of a show called Princesses.

The regular manager left the area to go work summer stock out-of-state, so they needed a fill-in. The 5th Avenue has a fine reputation for acting as an incubator for shows destined for Broadway, preparing and testing out a production in a lower-cost environment before sending it off to Broadway. It worked for Hairspray.

The problem for me was that I had no idea what I was doing.

I called the regular company manager, and after explaining my situation he was dumbfounded. He normally had to help out with travel arrangements for a small handful of people, while the rest of the ensemble and crew were locals. It was still tough to coordinate, but he had a simple system that worked. I explained to him that I was in charge of being the travel agent to a huge cast, and a huge crew and every single person needed to have separate arrangements at different times. He admitted he could not help, had no idea even what to recommend, and wished me luck.

To be fair, the men in charge did tell me they would get me help, which I did take them up on with an assistant, but I was at the time feeling guilty about not being able to handle it all myself on at least an organizational level, if not with all the details. The assistant I had would take some trips to the airport and handle a few things, but I was flying out to New York myself during some rehearsals and then back and working extra hours and getting very stressed out.

I felt the pay was abysmal, and I started questioning the entire arrangement, as more and more calls came in with greater and greater demands from all of these divas who fancied themselves important.

Finally, one night the choreographer called me up in the middle of the night ranting and cussing and telling me he would have my job because his taxi did not arrive. I worked to get him the ride, but he was so mad, that I was shaken up. It was the middle of the night and I had not had any free time in weeks, and I was on the edge of cracking.

I decided that night to craft a two-week notice letter. I offered to train someone to take my place and would not just leave them abruptly.

The next morning the artistic director called me and with rage cussed me out and told me to come back to work or he never wanted to see me again. It turned out it was an awkward end that would never be resolved. I tried to help out, but someone else was there to kind of tell me to go away.

Apparently, the director meant it and I have never seen him again.

Years later, I wrote him to apologize for my error of judgment. I feel I could have just asked for more help or perhaps just worked through it, and he did accept the apology. I am not sure who is at fault, but I am sorry either way. The Princesses show ended up being a flop and never went anywhere, and my career in local theater was destroyed.

I had just pissed off one of the most powerful people in the Seattle theater scene. Years passed before I ever did anything again, and by then I was much too old to be a chorus boy, which was my bread and butter.

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In the next post, I will continue with more interesting interviews.

Are you from Generation X? I want to hear what you think! Please comment below and participate in the conversation about What They Didn’t Teach Us Gen Xers In High School. What do you wish someone told you when you were eighteen?

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Life After High School: Chapter 11 Gift Registry Welcome to Chapter 10 of my blog-to-book project: Life After High School: Secrets To A Successful Life By Those Who Have Had Twenty Years To Think About It