#fun fact i tried to read the book this movie is based on before i watched it and i hated it so viscerally that i quit before the end

[stilinskiderek]

every movie i watched in 2025 - [5/?]

Which Brings Me To You (2023) dir. Peter Hutchings

[arc852]

13. Betwixt

Definition: between

Summary: During one of their weekly movie nights, Joel finds a movie about borrowers called The Secret World of Arrietty. They decide to watch it.

G/t: Grian and Joel are normal-sized, Jimmy is a borrower

Word Count: 3169

AO3 Link

I'm gonna be honest about this one guys, I didn't exactly follow the prompt. It kind of got away from me. It's still a good one though! Another installment in the BBBCAU!

Also, I'm sorry if you haven't seen The Secret World of Arrietty. I highly recommend it if you haven't but hopefully this isn't too confusing without having seen the movie.

And fun fact, I actually rewatched the movie while I was writing this to be more accurate with what they were reacting to. Because I did this, this prompt probably took me the longest to write out of all of them. I did have a lot of fun writing it though!

I hope you enjoy!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “Alright! It’s time for a movie night!” Joel exclaimed, grabbing his laptop off his desk and opening it up to set up their movie. The three of them had just finished having dinner and, since it was a friday night and neither human had any classes for the next two days, it was time for their weekly movie night.

 Jimmy loved it. Not only did he enjoy spending time with Grian and Joel but he also looked forward to watching the actual movies themselves. Living in the walls of the dorms, he had only ever managed to get glances at some of the movies the humans would watch. And with no sound, since most humans would watch them with headphones on. But now, he could watch all the movies and Grian and Joel were more than willing to show him the classics.

 Grian stood up from his chair and started on the popcorn and Jimmy waited patiently on the table for somebody to grab him and bring him over to where they would be watching. Usually it would be Joel, who didn’t take long to set the movie up but it seemed he was taking a bit longer this time. So by the time the popcorn was done and dumped in a bowl, Jimmy was still waiting on the table.

 Grian gave him a confused look and then looked over at Joel. “Have you not picked the movie yet?” He asked as he held the popcorn in one hand and used the other to scoop Jimmy up.

 Joel looked up from his laptop briefly to look at the two. “I have, I’m just trying to find it. Bloomin’ streaming services…” He mumbled the last bit under his breath, still clicking and searching through the movies.

 Grian sat down on his bed and let Jimmy off onto the plush surface. Jimmy gained his balance easily enough and now all they were waiting on was Joel. “What movie is it?” Jimmy asked Joel, looking over to Grian briefly to see if he knew, but the other human just shrugged.

 Joel was quiet for another moment before he suddenly exclaimed, “Ah ha! Found it!” Joel finally looked away from his laptop and addressed Jimmy’s question. “Okay, so the other day I was looking to see what movie we could watch and I came across, well, this.” Joel flipped his laptop around in order to show the screen to Grian and Jimmy. On it was the poster for the movie in question.

 “The Secret World of Arrietty?” Grian read off but as he did so, Jimmy’s breath hitched at what he saw. A girl, only a few inches tall, behind a jar with a human looking down at her.

 “Yep. It’s about, get this…borrowers.” Joel revealed and both Grian and Jimmy’s eyes went wide. Jimmy’s with a bit more panic.

 “What?! B-But how is that possible? Do they know? How are we just hearing about this?” Jimmy asked, panicking at the thought of his people being found out. 

 “Whoa, whoa! Jim, calm down.” Joel tried, setting his laptop down and going to sit on the edge of the bed. “I was worried when I first saw it too, so I did some research. Apparently, this movie is based on a book from the 50s. And it’s regarded as completely fictional.”

 “A book…Oh! I knew the term borrowers felt familiar!” Grian exclaimed, referencing something from back when they first met Jimmy. 

 “So…everyone who knows about these movies and books thinks borrowers are fake?” Jimmy asked, calming down a bit.

 Joel nodded. “Yeah. I mean, I can’t speak for the original author. Knowing what we know now, I wouldn’t be surprised if her book was actually based on a true story. But all the material that came after that and all the people who have read her books think it’s nothing more than fiction. So I think you guys are safe.”

 With that, Jimmy let out a breath and relaxed from his tensed up position. “Oh, okay, that’s good.”

 Grian nodded along. “That makes sense. Besides, if borrowers really were found out, I think we would be seeing it all over the news instead of in the form of a movie from…” He checked the date on the screen. “2010.”

 “Right, right, sorry.” Jimmy said, feeling sheepish at his reaction. He looked down, rubbing the back of his head. “I just, ya know, heard the word borrower coming from a human made thing and panicked.”

 “Which is completely understandable.” Joel said. “I felt much the same when I first saw it. I probably should have announced it in a better way though. That one might be on me.” Joel admitted and Grian snorted.

 “Yeah, you definitely could have done that a lot better.” Grian teased and Jimmy couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Despite the fact he was still trying to calm down from his initial panic. 

 “Yeah, yeah, it’s my fault.” Joel said with a roll of his eyes, though there was a sense of sincerity in his tone. He really did blame himself for making Jimmy panic like that. “Did you guys still want to watch it? I understand if it might be too much for you, Jim.”

 Jimmy thought about it for a moment. On one hand, watching something about his kind made by humans made him nervous. On the other hand, he was curious to see what kind of stuff they got right and wrong and in how much detail they went into about a borrower’s life. So, despite himself, he nodded. “Yeah, I want to see what these humans came up with.”

 “Got to say, I’m a bit curious too.” Grian admitted and Joel nodded and set up the laptop properly at the edge of the bed. 

 Once that was done, Joel turned off the lights and went around the opposite side of the bed to Grian. He picked Jimmy up so as to not worry about where he was when he settled down, and layed down on the bed. Grian did the same next to him so that both humans were on their stomachs facing the laptop.

 Once they were situated, Joel let Jimmy back onto the bed, the borrower now between the two humans with the best spot to see the screen.

 Jimmy would never admit out loud that this was his favorite spot for other reasons as well. He’d get teased into next week if he revealed he liked being this close to the two of them. It just gave him a sense of safety, being between his two friends, a barrier on either side protecting him from anything that might be dangerous to someone like him.

 It was so cheesy and cringy just in Jimmy’s own head, he could never imagine saying it out loud.

 While Grian and Joel were laying down, Jimmy decided to sit criss-cross instead. The popcorn bowl was placed a little bit behind him, so it wasn’t in his way, and then he was handed a piece of popcorn by Grian as Joel pressed play on the movie.

 Jimmy took a small bite of the food, still nervous for what the movie had in store for him.

 It started out simple enough. The animation was beautiful and Jimmy couldn’t help but be a bit jealous of Arriety’s home. His little nook within the walls of the college dorms were nothing in comparison to the grand home Arriety’s family had made for themselves. Maybe he could have had that too if he hadn’t decided to live in a place like this. But it had been the best option for him by far. 

 The term ‘beans’ got brought up, which, of course, Grian and Joel couldn’t just ignore. “Beans?” Joel asked with a raised brow, looking down at Jimmy.

 Jimmy felt his cheeks heat up. “It’s-I mean, it was an old term used by borrowers to refer to humans.” Jimmy crossed his arms and very pointedly did not look at either human. “I haven’t heard it in ages though and I never used it myself.” He added on, trying to make himself look better.

 “Yeah, but how did you even come up with beans anyway?” Joel asked, still trying to figure it out.

 Jimmy bit his lip. “Well…” He was cut off.

 “Wait. Human beings. Human be-ings. Human…beans.” Grian slowly figured out and then grinned. “Oh my gosh.”

 “Aww, that’s actually kind of adorable.” Joel teased, grinning as well.

 Jimmy felt his face heat up even more and he covered his hands with his face. “Can we please just get back to the movie?”

 The two laughed but they did turn back towards the screen.

 There was some mention about children shortly after. About how dangerous they were, even more so than the adults. Jimmy himself shivered and found himself nodding in agreement despite himself. Grian and Joel noticed but didn’t say anything. 

 A few seconds later, something else was revealed. 

 “I’m sorry, did they say 14?” Joel asked incredulously.

 Jimmy nodded. “Yeah, that’s usually around the time borrowers start to fend for themselves. Although I think it’s gotten earlier and earlier.” Jimmy thought back. “I went off on my own at 12, but that was mostly…because…” Jimmy trailed off as he caught Grian and Joel’s eyes. There was that indescribable emotion again. Jimmy didn’t know what it was, but he didn’t like it. “Nevermind.”

 “Jim-” Joel started but stopped when he saw Grian subtly shake his head. He mouthed ‘not now’ and Joel huffed but didn’t say anything more.

 Back to the movie, Jimmy was suddenly and inexplicably hit with an existential crisis. He tried not to think about other borrowers. But it had been a long time since he had seen any himself. Sometimes, he also wondered how many of his kind were even still out there.

 Grian and Joel pointedly did not say anything.

 The borrowing scene played out, which Jimmy supposed was fairly accurate. Although he couldn’t help but wonder why they would be borrowing when there were still human’s awake in the house. One of the humans could have suddenly opened the drawer they were in. Or walked into the kitchen. It didn’t make sense.

 Meanwhile, Grian and Joel were in a bit of awe. The movie did a great job giving a borrower’s perspective on things. And a little too well. Joel felt a bit dizzy at the height and he didn’t even mind them usually. It was also just incredible, to see how intuitive borrowers could be. Grian made a mental note to ask Jimmy how accurate it really was later on.

 They got to the dollhouse and Jimmy couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy. Especially when Arrietty’s dad pointed out how they weren’t toys. He couldn’t help but feel, just a little, that the dollhouse had been some sort of…trap or something, for the borrowers.

 He shook his head and continued watching. Arrietty and her dad had left the dollhouse and were now grabbing the tissue paper they needed. And then-

 The human saw them.

 Jimmy couldn’t help but jump and gasp, almost the same as Arrietty did. He couldn’t help it. Those eyes felt like they were pointed right at him. 

 He briefly heard Joel mutter an “oh no” before turning his attention back to see what would happen.

 The boy spoke, and Jimmy couldn’t help but compare his words to when he first met Grian and Joel. It was similar, at least in the beginning. Don’t be scared. We’re not going to hurt you.

 He wasn’t sure how to feel about it.

 When Arrietty left, he let out a sigh of relief. “He didn’t grab her.” Jimmy said to himself, both as a fact and in wonder. Any other human, knowing a borrower was there, would have at least attempted to catch them. At least, that’s what Jimmy believed anyway.

Unbeknownst to him though, Grian and Joel had heard his remark. They sent each other a look, also reminded of their first meeting with Jimmy. Joel was starting to regret putting this movie on.

 “That’s weird.” Jimmy said a few moments later, this time loud enough he was sure Grian and Joel could hear. One of them hummed in response, he couldn’t tell which one. “It’s weird the dad would just brush off what just happened. They should be packing up their things and moving after being seen like that.”

 You didn’t. Grian almost said the words out loud but he stopped himself. He didn’t want to bring it up now. “Oh.” He said instead, a simple response to let Jimmy know he had heard him.

 The movie went on and eventually got to the scene at the window. Jimmy was tense the entire time, a fall from that height would be fatal or a smack from the bird could have done a lot of damage as well. And then, Arrietty was grabbed and everything in the movie slowed down and became quiet.

 Well, grabbed was putting it too strongly. The human more had her cupped in his hand, not restricting her at all really. Which came into play a moment later, when Arrietty was simply able to get away.

 Again, Jimmy thought it was weird. It felt like the movie was downplaying the fear borrowers had towards humans.

 Joel flexed his hand subconsciously, looking down at it and then over at Jimmy. He was always aware of how small Jimmy was in his grasp. But seeing it in a movie…it felt weird.

 “There it is.” Jimmy said as Pod finally revealed they needed to leave. “Took them long enough.”

 They got to the other dollhouse scene, where the humans were discussing it. So not…really a trap then. The humans had good intentions it seemed like. And honestly, the house looked really nice, especially with all the working appliances in it. But it still felt wrong.

 A bit later into the movie, Jimmy felt horrified when the human tried to help by ripping out their old kitchen for the new one. Again, the human had good intentions but…

 Grian and Joel seemed to think the same. 

 “That’s bloomin’ terrifying.” Joel said, and when Jimmy looked over he could tell Joel’s shoulders were tense.

 “How did he think that would be a good idea? Honestly?” Grian said, exasperated and honestly annoyed at the character.

 Jimmy couldn’t help but chuckle a little. It was kind of funny having two humans reacting like that.

 They continued watching and got to the part where Shawn saw Arrietty for the first time. The mood was down and Joel decided to try and lift it. “I can tell you right now Jim, neither of us thought you were beautiful when we first saw you.”

 The sudden quip made Jimmy laugh out loud and Joel smiled in victory. “Hey! I take offense to that, you know. I’m very beautiful.”

 Grian snickered, glad for the short break. “Sure, you keep telling yourself that.” Grian said and then reached over and ruffled Jimmy’s hair.

 “Hey! Stop that!” Jimmy said, but was laughing at the same time, trying to push Grian’s finger away. 

 The scene changed in the movie, bringing their attention back to the screen as Hara discovered the borrower’s home. The mood dampened again. The look on Hara’s face when she saw Homily. It sent more than a shiver down Jimmy’s spine.

 “Okay…I take back what I said before. That is terrifying.” Joel said, wondering if that’s anyway how him and Grian looked…before. He looked over at Grian, who’s eyes remained on the screen, his brow pinched.

 Jimmy could only nod at Joel’s statement.

 Homily was grabbed and Grian’s hand clenched in turn. Jimmy, thankfully, didn’t notice. Too caught up by what was happening on screen.

 The look of fear on the borrower’s face made Grian feel…guilty. Was that how Jimmy felt, way back then? Did he still feel that way? Grian and Joel had made it a habit to just…pick Jimmy up whenever they pleased. Jimmy never said anything about it before. But…was he just too scared to?

 Grian rubbed his head, closing his eyes for a moment. He silently cursed Joel for finding this movie in the first place. It was making him question too many things.

 When Homily was put in a jar, Jimmy could only be thankful that that had never happened to him.

 When Arrietty went to Shawn for help, Joel couldn’t keep in his questions any longer. “What’s it like being held?”

 Jimmy, startled by the question, looked up at Joel with wide eyes. “To be…held?”

 “You know…” Joel suddenly felt a bit self-conscious for asking and was blatantly ignoring Grian’s look. “In a hand. In one of…our…hands.”

 “Oh.” Jimmy couldn’t help but look down at Joel’s hands at the question causing Joel to self-consciously tuck his hands closer to himself. The movie must be getting to them more than Jimmy originally thought.

 He couldn’t really blame them though. It was getting to him too, just a little bit.

 He thought about it for a moment, trying his best to come up with the right thing to say. How to explain it…?

 “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” Grian chimed in, glaring at Joel from above Jimmy. “You can just ignore--”

 “It feels safe.”

 Grian shut up.

 Jimmy continued, looking down at his own hands. “I guess it didn’t always feel like that. It was constricting before, overwhelming, I felt…well, I felt helpless. I can feel the strength in your hands, I know how much damage they can do.”

 “Jimmy…” Joel started but Jimmy didn’t stop.

 “It’s still overwhelming, not gonna lie. I don’t think that will ever go away. But it’s different now. The…I guess, the uncertainty is gone. I know you two mean well, I know you two would never hurt me. And I feel…protected. So…yeah. It feels safe. I-I guess.” Jimmy added on the last bit, suddenly feeling flustered by what he had just said. 

 Jimmy braced himself for the teasing but was surprised when it didn’t come.

 “O-Oh.” Joel said, his voice a bit watery. “That’s uh…I-I’m glad.”

 Grian didn’t say anything but he was happy to know his earlier thoughts held no substance. Jimmy was fine being picked up and wasn’t afraid of them and Grian blames this movie entirely for making him second guess that.

 Actually, scratch that, he blames Joel.

 They watched the rest of the movie play out. Arrietty and Shawn saved her mom, Hara was seen to look like a crazy person, and Arrietty said one last goodbye to Shawn before leaving.

 The three friends were silent as the credits rolled.

 “Well that was…a lot.” Jimmy broke the silence.

 “You can say that again.” Joel said, letting out a little sigh.

 It was silent for another moment.

 “All in favor of banning Joel from picking any more movies?” Grian asked, raising his hand.

 “Me.” Jimmy said, also raising his hand.

 “Wha-? Hey!”

[princess-of-the-corner]

Ah, the Rats of NIMH . . . ya know I’ve only seen the movie (& it’s unfortunate sequel)? Also, fun fact, in the movie, they changed her name from Mrs. Frisby to Mrs. Brisby, because they were worried that the company that made frisbees would come after them for copyright or something.

I have watched both movies and read the book many times!

Honestly I am fascinated by the changes made between the book and where the sequel went.

So the four biggest changes from the book are

1.) The necklace that Nicodemus gives Mrs. Brisby. It doesn't exist in the book. That said, I do think it's an interesting addition. The base themes of the book/movie are very Nature vs. Technology

2.) Moving the house! Moving Mrs. Frisby's house goes perfectly fine in the book. The dramatic dangerous climax comes when people from NIMH, pretending to be exterminators, dig up the Rosebush and the Rats want to make it look like just normal Rats were there.

3.) There's a lot more time dedicated to the Rats and their Journey. Nicodemus essentially narrates to Mrs. Frisby everything that happened from being caught, through the experiments, their escape, and the journey from NIMH to the Rosebush.

4.) Jenner. Jenner /technically/ exists, but he is only on screen in flashback. Nicodemus' childhood friend captured with him and experimented on. Similar to the movie, he feels that the Rats should stay living as they are instead of going to Thorn Valley. However, he and his followers have already left before the start of the book. We do find out their fate, having tried to rob a hardware store only to get electrocuted trying to disable the security system.

as for the sequel movie!

I think I like some of where it was going because it was set up in the book to an extent.

The scientists from NIMH are still looking for the escaped Rats, and are also going to continue their research with new subjects. It's explained that new generations born after the escape have their parents' increased intelligence, including Mrs. Frisby's children via Johnathan, and they want to eventually go to Thorn Valley and visit the Rats. Six mice were lost in the vents during the escape from NIMH.

So yeah the setup. Of Timmy going to Thorn Valley to learn from the Rats. Martin getting captured by NIMH scientists who experiment on him. The Lost Six hearing from Martin about those that escaped and sending one of their own on another escape attempt to beg for reinforcements.

I think the part where it looses the plot is setting Timmy up for some Great Destiny. Like, Timmy is.... not important. at least no more important than any of the others. There's absolutely no reason for them to prioritize Timmy over Martin, Teresa or Cynthia. There's no reason to expect that he'll be some Great Hero who will Save Them.

a lot of the problems stem from this. In the whole 'everyone is praising Timmy like a Hero despite not having done anything, resulting in him feeling frustrated because he wants to earn that praise but everyone's telling him he's too much of a kid still to let him do so'. But then also the sibling rivalry/favoritism issue, as again there's no reason to think Timmy is Destined™ but Martin(or Teresa or Cynthia) isn't, so it's just forced so they could make Martin a villain.

Speaking of I don't even mind the Martin as a Villain thing. Like I don't like the sibling rivalry aspect causing him to want to destroy Thorn Valley or whatever. But the idea of NIMH capturing Martin, conducting further experiments on him making him even smarter, and then him becoming interested in running his own experiments on his captors is a great option!

That said idk what Jeremy is doing with his Great Owl Scam. That was weird.

[richincolor]

Book Review: The Blonde Dies First

Title: The Blonde Dies First

Author:  Joelle Wellington

Genres:  Thriller/Horror

Pages: 336

Publisher: Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers

Review Copy: ARC by publisher

Availability: Available now

Summary: A group of friends fight to choose their own fates in this trope-savvy, self-referential young adult thriller from the acclaimed author of Their Vicious Games , about a demonic force that acts according to horror movie rules in the spirit of the Scream movies.

Devon is always being left behind by her genius twin sister, Drew. At this point, it’s a fact of life. But Devon has one last plan before Drew leaves for college a whole year early—The Best Summer Ever. After committing to the bit a little too much, the twins and their chaotic circle of friends learn why you don’t ever mess with a Ouija board if you want to actually survive the Best Summer Ever, and soon find themselves being hunted down by…a demon?

But while there’s no mistaking the creeping, venomous figure is not from around here, their method doesn’t feel very demonic at all. In fact, it’s downright human—going after them in typical slasher movie kill order. And that means Devon, the blonde, is up first and her decade-long crush, Yaya, is the Final Girl who must kill or be killed to end the cycle.

Devon has never liked playing by anyone else’s rules though, not even a demon’s, and the longer this goes on, the more she feels Drew and Yaya slipping away from her even as she tries to help them all survive. Can they use their horror movie knowledge to flip the script and become the hunters instead of the hunted? Or will their best summer ever be their last?

Review: If you read Joelle Wellington’s first book, Their Vicious Games, you know that she can do thriller extremely well. Now with her sophomore novel, she cranks up the thriller aspect, throws in some supernatural horror and takes the reader on an even more intense journey. Once the action of the story gets moving, it is fast-paced all the way to the end. Amidst all of this action is a story that focuses on friendship and sisterhood. 

Even though she feels betrayed by her twin sister who graduated high school early, Devon tries to make amends by creating a list of things to do before her sister leaves for college. The problem - they don’t really have much in common anymore so Devon makes a list based on the activities they used to do. It all falls apart after they play with a Ouija board at a party and now their friends are being hunted by a demon. Luckily the demon doesn’t seem to be too particular about its kills, so if it can’t have one of the friend’s group, it will take someone near them that “somewhat” fits the bill. This is where the novel gave me the giggles because the group of friends realize they are playing out the plot of a horror novel so they develop a plan to defeat the demon. Like all plans this one falls apart, which as an avid reader I knew was going to happen because I was only about a third of the way of the book but what I loved was how all of it played out, especially because it came through a very cool plot twist. And if you’ve read any of my reviews before you know I love a plot twist that I didn’t see coming. 

While the thriller of the story was fun, the heart of the novel is the relationship between Devon and Drew. At the beginning of the novel, while Devon is trying to make amends with her sister, the relationship between the two is antagonistic. Devon feels like she doesn’t know her sister anymore since they attend separate schools and is a bit insecure about herself due to being compared to her sister. It is a complicated dynamic and one that many of us could relate to - anyone with sisters would. The horror plot they find themselves in brings them together in a way they haven’t been in a while and through the events they learn more about each other and an appreciation for each other. While the novel is told through Devon’s POV, Drew is such a strong character that she almost feels like a protagonist as well. Both grow through the novel as they learn to open up and trust each other. 

The Blonde Dies First is a fun ride of a book and because you get so drawn into the story, it’s a fast read. With school starting and all the stresses that come with it, Wellington’s newest book is a perfect book when you need a break. 

[pitter-patt-art]

Ace Attorney AU August oops-august-has-been-over-for-a-week Update!!

Hiiiii well okay first and most importantly of all! Happy investigations collection day everyone!!!! My copy is supposed to arrive by 10pm although I'm not sure I'll be playing it right away, but, hey, once it arrives I'll have in my possession at least one physical copy of every game in the series (2 for aai1, woohoo)!!! *Coughs* uh except all of the OG Trilogy which instead I own like 2 times over digitally (3 in T&T's case, thanks Wii) lmao. Ah well.

NOW the actual post. Yeah it's not August anymore but I've been recuperating or w/e so shhh, better late than never!

Overall I wrote over 50k words (actually in August itself) and posted 5 fics (with many more in progress), which is honestly just, wild???? That is so cool. Apparently the way to overcome writer's block is just overcommit to a month-long prompt list, who knew!

Here is my post about the first 17 days/AUs! And over here's my Ao3 series for these! Below the cut I'll wrap up the last 14 days of AUs, some thoughts, etc!

I am setting the goal for myself to actually finish writing these before the end of the year even if they're not technically "AU-gust" qualified anymore by the time I get to them sooo ...wish me luck!! In the meantime I am proud of myself for (tbh completely unnecessarily and to my detriment lmao) coming up with actually a full 31 solid AUs based on the prompts that I feel inspired by.

This post is gonna be a bit more rambly than the last one because I definitely did more of my writing last month the first 2 weeks rather than the last 2, but nevertheless--

Onto the remaining AUs!

18 - Space Travel

So, I actually started a draft at the airport before my vacation where I got wayyyy too sidetracked getting detailed about this one and thus ended up not being able to finish the post before takeoff lmao. I'm not sure whether it's annoying or interesting to include all of that here, but it's my post so fuck it, here's August 21st patt to tell you aaall about it so I don't have to: The Martian AU (I've only seen the movie and not read the book but i *did* literally just re-watch it because this thought crossed my mind lol. (Hello! It's future me popping in to say: fun fact, rewatching this movie literally ended up being the reason I knew a bar trivia answer last week lmao. Huzzah for the powers of Ace Attorney refreshing my movie quote knowledge.) Be glad this one occurred to me because my first inclination was to lean into the dark past of my vld phase (I'm super joking I had a lot of fun with it before the last few seasons haha sorry idk what to tell you friends) and see how much I'd retained if i tried to make that work but the martian sounded more fun in the end). Apparently my Thing™ is a) poisoning Phoenix and b) putting Apollo in an insane situation in which he's completely on his own--which all things considered is probably far meaner lol. I think Phoenix is to blame for creating his own problem here for choosing to eat the stupid necklace but I fully blame Capcom for all the BS Apollo has gone through after AA4 (bc...the stuff IN that game is. coincidentally also Phoenix's blame to claim. lol). That said I'm part of the problem teehee. Apollo can be Some Guy from the real world who gets isekai'ed and he can also be Mark Watney :P (sorry bud I love you but you have just the Worst case of unavoidable main character syndrome). ((Which is QUITE funny actually because I'll never get over Capcom calling 4,5,6 the """"Apollo Justice Trilogy"""" (it's really not and it's frankly insulting they're trying to say it is.) Like he's. Y’know. The main character in exactly one of those games...... so.)) What was I talking about? Lmao oh yeah so Apollo is left on Mars (not sure he actually has much in the way of Botanist™ vibes but the indomitable, never-say-die, highly sarcastic vibes.... ye haha that's my boy right there). Omg wait sorry I'm writing this and realizing this whole thing actually fits the 18th AND yesterday's (the 20th) prompt as well. Whoops.

Clay as the captain (let him do something, says I)

Trucy as I think the pilot ONLY because I am literally constantly on the lookout to make a Wright Flying Brothers joke, sorry

Klavier aaaas. Uh. So the German astronaut in the film is the chemist and navigator and I know Klav's not necessarily supposed to be actually German canonically but there IS something funny about it

Athena as the flight surgeon and EVA specialist (for a couple reasons but mostly so she can be a doctor lol. I imagine she also can be there for psych stuff too, like, it's a long ass space voyage, that does shit to your brain)

Kay as the SysOp and reactor tech, tbh mostly because for some reason i really have a thing for hacker/programmer Kay, i guess?

Ema I want to be there also lol so that would be exceeding the actual number of OG astronauts but eh it's my AU. The rest of these I'm just directly comparing to a crew member from the martian but I think some of the titles and tasks could be redistributed a little to allow an extra person as a treat for me.

Originally i kind of wanted Sebastian (....SIGH. or...Eustace. (I fear even though it's AAIC release day today, I truly may die on this hill forever, falling on my sword of devotion and gratitude to the fan translation team... That said, while I think Eustace is, like, a Deeply Fine name, I have to say that Excelsius is a fucking knockout name lmfao, that one took me out. Anyway, ahem: "I wanted Seb/Eustace...")) to be there too but I think that's getting into too many cooks territory just specifically bc I'd have too many voices to play with lmfao. So instead I think he's the operator who works the satellite and realizes Apollo is alive, I think he'd fit that well. NOT THAT that needs to be. Included. In the AU. I have...so much self control.

Anyway I have too many thoughts about it, it's a problem, ironically I think I would prefer to focus on the crew and not Apollo himself, so that would at least make it more than just a rehashing of the movie/book. (Or, the movie at least. Does the book spend more time with them? I should read the book.) ...I did, Of Course, also came up with a funny, pseudo-future-science-y way to do a Sibling Reveal in this one, so there's that, too, haha. OKAY AND, SCENE. Snatching my mic back from myself. I'm actually so devoted to the Martian AU now hahaha, I really didn't think I'd let that happen to myself but here we are... You'll see in a bit, but I for-better-or-worse do truly have an extended universe going on for it now, eheh... (Help.)

19 - Spies

Franmaya?? Franziska POV??? Here's the deal: I cannot BELIEVE I got this many days into the month and STILL hadn't come up with a franmaya-centric AU, it's terrible. Also I need a Maya POV if I want to hit my self-set, self-indulgent goal of having POV of every "main" character I can (did I exactly accomplish this no but that's perfectly fine obviously haha it was just a side achievement I had my eye on). So to that end, I ended up with something here that I'm not COMPLETELY sure I won't end up changing when I sit down to actually work on it, but in short: semi The Princess Bride vibes but with spies instead of pirates! Or uh! So um okay full disclosure lol I got all excited about an AU of this kind and then like an hour into daydreaming it into existence I realized I was heavily relying on / leaning into ASSASSIN territory rather than SPY. Which are notably different things. (Wait lol should I blame Spy x Family?? Totally Endo-sensei's fault and not at all mine, boom, take that.) ...And not to go even harder into sxf territory, whoops, but my idea was something along the lines of like, since Kurain School Channeling changes spirit mediums' appearance entirely, I was going to have Maya be something of an expert in disguise, and Franziska I was almost more or less going to let retain her actual position of international prosecutor with Interpol, although perhaps I'd lean more into a James Bond-esque intelligence agency sort of thing than what we see them do in-game, I'm not sure. Maya gets "killed" for real in 2-4 except she actually just becomes an international assassin(?) apprentice. Does this make sense? Probably not lol. But is it a little funny and a little sad? Yes, yes it is, and that's always my sweet spot as a writer. The only problem with this premise is I can't stop myself from considering what Phoenix would do / be doing in the background, because the problem with Maya "dying"-only-being-secretly-alive leaves at least twofold problems in justifying why Nick hasn't gone full conspiracy theory board stop-at-nothing-to-find-her, in that a) If she's not dead, Pearl can't channel her, and knowing Pearl I have to imagine that would be her first move to try tbh, and b) even if that weren't an issue, if the police were never able to track down Maya's body at all, I fully believe Nick would still throw himself at the problem until he's able to find answers irregardless, so. This ain't about him though!! So we'll just all have to deal with knowing he's taking reaaally really bad care of himself while he single-mindedly tries to figure out what's going on ahaha...ha. He's most absolutely the drowning child in the facebook post meme. Don't worry about him.

20 - Crossover/Fusion

Soooo. Okay. First may I say, I'm not the most crossover-fic-y person in the world neither as a reader nor writer. HOWEVER. Unfortunately. My one undying weakness has proven to be Ace Attorney x Legally Blonde (and more specifically Legally Blonde the Musical, the best version, though I do love Reese Witherspoon's performance ofc it's iconic but the musical is just MWAH ugh. One of my all-time favorite musicals and definitely the one I've listened to the most esp the past couple years hahaha.) The problem is, I've joked about so many slight variations / one very Long Intensive specific AA/LBtM crossover AU ideas, that trying to limit myself to a one-shot I could conceivably finish within a day proved too much for my decision paralysis and I didn't end up writing any of them lmao. Alas. Mostly, I just think it would be funny to see the characters interact in something of a vacuum just for fun, the problem is just that I happen to be uniquely terrible at not thinking through a Crack AU until I can, ahem, "crack" it, so to speak, to make it actually justifiably function. So in theory all I want to write for this day is some combination of like, Elle and Phoenix interacting and Miles and Emmett interacting, or the four of them having a conversation that goes something like "omg wait me too!! i also went from a creative undergrad degree directly into law to chase after some guy!! what are the odds teehee" while Emmett and Miles watch in horror, and also alternatively Emmett and Phoenix mostly bemusedly watching Elle and Miles geek out over like, fancy ass high class (pink) clothing like "uh yeah i have no idea what any of those words mean. she bought me this suit and i honestly wouldn't even be able to find the store again. oh no way he bought you yours too?? man, wild." Etc. (If anyone's interested in really watching me suffer and spiral: my longer and more intensive idea for an AU with them is to have them be tackling parallel cases where either of them (Elle and Phoenix) has specific knowledge that is helpful to defending the others' client, and they get like place-swapped through dimensional shenanigans somehow also related to the cases. And Phoenix has to abide by, like, nominally-accurate US trial law (I know he wouldn't really be licensed shhhh) -- by which I mean Emmett is sitting as his co-council and exercising the most restraint possible to keep from bashing his head into the table every two seconds. And Elle has to abide by guilty-until-proven-innocent Japanifornia trial law ("wait WHAT omg what do you MEAN the prosecution can just, like, not submit their evidence before the trial???? wait what do you MEAN we should just TAKE THAT that is EVIDENCE AT A CRIME SCENE--"). On the bright side, Elle gets to experience being one of the most normally-dressed people in a courtroom and not at all being looked down upon for her general vibes and wardrobe (like tell me she wouldn't fit right in in the ace attorney universe and seem completely ordinary), and Phoenix gets to experience a real jury (take that jurist system trial that Capcom would like to never ever talk about again) and also the judge going "so, Prospective Juror No. 103, do you understand that the defense in this criminal trial does not need to say a single word in order to be doing their job? the burden of proof lies entirely on the prosecution the entire time and the defense and defendant could choose to remain silent every day of trial and that would be completely within their rights, do you understand that? are you okay with that?" etc etc, shout out to my jury service a couple month ago and the kinds of questions a real life California judge asks jurors that would seriously blow the minds of every single character in Ace Attorney lmfao can you imagine? Anyway.) So yeah idk. Also something something, spirit mediums and the whole Greek Chorus bit from the musical... "School Spirit"... much to think about in crack AU land hahaha.)

21 - Absurd Tragedy

To be honest with you, this is the entire series lmao, so much so that I had trouble even thinking of an AU to be "alternate" in any way here, hahaha. What I sort-of landed on and have vague outline notes about in my doc is (not to make another excellent-musical-adaptation-of-an-already-top-tier-movie-which-is-itself-a-highly-unfaithful-adaptation-of-a-fairly-obscure-book reference) a Shrek the Musical "I Think I Got You Beat"-style debate about whose canonical absurd tragic circumstances are the worst, lmfao. Granted, this then turned into a "wait what if I use said argument as an absurd way in which to make Apollo and Trucy have a siblings realization completely on their own, which both compounds the fact they've both already lived such tragedy to begin with but also could touch on Phoenix knowing about it and not telling them about it", and uhhhhh lmfao a debate specifically between them is OBVIOUSLY not the romantic flirting banter of the song between Shrek and Fiona lmfao but like still, the general premise, just in a sibling bickering coat of paint instead. Also was toying with it being an Athena POV just to sell home / for the additional absurdity of the experience of "you've gone over to your friend's house to hang out and suddenly they're obnoxiously arguing with their sibling and their parents are nowhere to be seen and you're not exactly sure what you're supposed to do with yourself except awkwardly wait for them to be done" lmfao. Which I've most absolutely experienced from both ends multiple times hahaha. The alternative option for this prompt is just for me to write an excessively long essay debating and attempting to personally rank the main cast's level of absurd tragedy compared to each other, lol.

22 - Orphan

I wrote 324 words (slash one physical lined page in my actual notebook) of this while I was on vacation, lol. AU where Miles invites Phoenix to go watch one of Gregory's trials (or Phoenix invites himself, or Gregory invites him while Miles tries to hold the landline phone away from him, lol) and I mean of course the trial he goes to is The Trial (like, Jeffre... AW CRAP wait I don't actually know what Jeff Master's or Kate Hall's official names are lmfao uhhh. Well you know what don't worry about that. Happy AAIC day once again..? Lol. Anyway, the concluding day of Gregory's last trial, obviously, ignore the defendant's name.) Like, basically, here's my thought. AU where Phoenix is also there, and not only does that mean he knows what happened to Miles and Gregory but also, like, it's Phoenix. Tell me even at 9 he wouldn't be insisting on taking care of the poor kid who just lost everything and has nowhere in the world to go. Tell me he's not like, begging his parents they need to help him, lol. I think really this is just sort of an AU to explore one of my several personal headcanons for what Phoenix's parents are like, because I've spent a lot of time on a different version of them (coughs for the last AU on this list...coughs) but I also have a version of them which I find fun / funny where they're like, kinda hippy-dippy and like very hands-off (tbh almost all of my hc's about the Greater Wrights is they're very hands off, just in different ways) but in more of a "we want our child to experience the beauty and wonder of the world on his own time and not influence him or set rigid standards to conform to" kind of philosophy. Anyway my point is they like adopt/foster Miles somehow before Manfred can actually get his hands on him (he's still too busy dealing with the fresh bullet wound I guess?) This is just a gen au of course, not only because they're 9 lol but also the logistics of being adoptive/foster siblings gets weird quick lmao, but mostly I just find it interesting to think about what might have happened if Miles was in an environment where people paid more attention and cared more (and weren't explicitly influencing and manipulating him to exasperate the problem on purpose), because I have to imagine examining his nightmares a little more closely a little more quickly might have led someone (say, Phoenix who was also there in this AU) to find something slightly off about it or like start putting pieces together quicker, idk. I, uh, I'm not gonna lie to you, I don't actually remember how I intended to end this one hahaha ;; I started it but I was on vacation and neglected to outline / summarize the rest of my ideas the day of, so I guess I'll just have to see where my mind takes me when I get back to it.

23 - Musician

So my FIRST thought for this day was to use it as an excuse to finish my First Ever Ace Attorney Fic, which has been in WIP stasis for...uh.... 6. Years. i--SIX????? Shit. lmfao. yeah uh. I guess I created the first version of the doc (on my OneNote, god) back in 2018. So. Yeah. Hm. Omfg. This fic has partially existed since before Phoenix Disbarment Day. That is so. Wow. Damn. Y'all we're so close to aa4 time (2026) what the hell??? Ahem. Pianist Phoenix. That's. My point lmao. I know the original thing that sparked me loving this concept was actually some tumblr post I saw apparently a LONG long time ago, hahaha, and I know there's no way I'll find it with tumblr's abysmal search function, but just know it was not a completely original idea of mine when I say i fucking LOVE the headcanon that, you know what actually Phoenix CAN play the piano, he just chooses to do it as shittily as possible because that's kind of what he's like post-disbarment and he'd absolutely get a kick out of fucking with people like that even if they have no way to know they're being fucked with. It's like, he's no virtuoso or anything, but he can passably play the piano! He's just being an ass on purpose! It kills me every time lol. I won't say I think that's necessarily true in canon so ofc it's not like an end-all-be-all hc for me or anything but it's just sooooo funny to me that I like to break it out any time I possibly can. Look me in the eyes and tell me he wouldn't. Honestly, look me in the eyes and tell me if he actually put his mind to it in any meaningful way he wouldn't be able to get decent quickly regardless, considering the fact he became an accomplished lawyer on more-or-less a total whim. This to say: that was my intention, to finish this fic I've had brewing that was about Phoenix actually being able to play the piano and hiding it for a really long time but eventually being found out by Miles by chance. Except then I sat down on the plane and started writing a Pearl POV instead? In which she finds out about more or less the same exact concept but from Iris--also by chance, but less actually catching him playing and more being asked, "Oh, does he still play? He was always good at that." And then bc it's Pearl (Pearl I love you), of COURSE she goes and confronts him about it. Pearl might be the single most confrontational character in these games tbh which is SO FUNNY to me. Like I'm kind of exaggerating obviously but also am I? I know she has psyche-locks you have to break through multiple times throughout the series but stiiiill. Everyone else is so repressed and weird about anything remotely vulnerable, I stg. Props to Maya for making sure Pearl turned out pretty okay I guess, lmao. Anyhow yeah that's sort of the AU I ended up with. Pearl POV where she and Iris know they're sisters (don't get me started on this I have so many thoughts about the amount of information I'm positive Maya and Pearl are NEVER given skjflj) and Pearl visits Iris in prison regularly and on one such visit maybe she mentions Nick's job at Borscht and Iris makes a totally innocuous comment to the effect that Pearl learns he actually knows how to play the piano and she goes to get mad at him about it because he's definitely been pretending he can't and Pearl's pretty sure he's told neither Maya nor Trucy the truth and that cannot be left to stand.

24 - Pretend Hate

Okay, this exists in a similar realm to the Orphan prompt, except instead of Phoenix being there for the trial or the Wrights taking Miles in before Manfred can, it's more just AU where Miles doesn't actually cut all contact and he and Phoenix successfully end up exchanging correspondence (in semi-secret) during the time they're separated (i.e. they remain friends and close during the 15 years they're separated in canon). "Semi-secret" because they--esp Miles--somehow hide who exactly it is they're talking / writing to all the time but don't necessarily hide the fact they are doing that. Like, a fake cultural / language exchange program or something? I feel like there could be a world where Manfred really doesn't give a shit what Miles is up to as long as he's being molded into "someone Gregory Edgeworth would hate" (I don't think he would lol but that's another AU) and becoming a model von Karma protege prosecutor and such. He obviously goes to lengths to cut Miles off from everything he's familiar with in that he takes him to Germany, but I've always thought it's way more on Miles feeling guilty and blaming himself and thinking he's unworthy / pushing people away being the reason why they never talked before aa1 despite Phoenix's "attempts to contact him," whatever those may be specifically. And, yeah, I've watched that one episode of the anime but tbh I don't really use anime canon for almost anything besides maybe some of the fun visuals, haha, so I'm kind of disregarding that anyway. ANYWAY. My point is. The "pretend hate" part is that--sometime over the course of exchanging correspondence, Phoenix starts thinking something's weird and gets it in his head to "investigate" himself, since he's still in LA / has access to the scene of the crime and stuff, and then as a combo of him just plugging away at it until he has enough (circumstantial) evidence to be like "Miles I think you're wrong about this" and also a younger, slightly less repressed, slightly less in Manfred's pocket Miles actually being somehow willing to consider alternatives a little--they're able to put their heads together and eventually come to the (correct) conclusion ahead of time, before the 15-year statute of limitations, that it was almost certainly Manfred who did it. And then they work together to figure out how they can possibly PROVE that but they haven't thought of anything foolproof by the time aa1 events start rolling around (or at the very least, the 5-years-ago sections of aa3? It might make more sense if it's as soon as Miles returns to Japanifornia, and also I think Phoenix has way less reason to fall for Dahlia/Iris so hard if Miles is around and *coughs* available lmfao. Anyhow). So, in the hopes it'll keep Manfred from getting suspicious of Miles, they publicly pretend to hate each other, putting on a show of more of the canon attitude Miles esp. has before 1-4, but behind the scenes they're actually working together trying to think of a way they can definitely get a conviction to stick that Manfred won't be able to worm out of. And that's the AU! Idk, in terms of additional thoughts, I couldn't decide what to do / what would happen to Mia in this AU either, which doesn't super matter but did give me pause. So she might live, idk, depends the exact timeline. I do also think a scene where--Dahlia still hits on Phoenix in the reading room/courthouse library but he's like, actively there waiting for one of Miles' trials to conclude for a covert meeting, so when Miles gets there and is like "What are you messing with over there?" Phoenix is like "Oh, hey, check out this weird bottle some girl just gave me because apparently she fell in love at first sight, haha, isn't that so funny--" and then Miles recognizes it from the Fawles trial and they catch Dahlia earlier or something, idk. Or alternatively Phoenix was AT that trial so HE recognizes it. Or maybe it's funniest if he was there but doesn't recognize it until Miles does lmao, this is not the point of this AU but I can't stop myself from considering this part of it.

25 - Scientists

So THIS is the day I sort of alluded to earlier, many many words of post ago, where I got so invested in my The Martian AU that I started accidentally worldbuilding about it. What I've started and have about 400 words of (slash one notebook page, again from the plane after my vacation), is like, AU where it's NASA instead of law and I can make Phoenix go "What, like it's hard?" only it's about literally rocket science this time hahaha. Basically for this fic I just thought, well what if Phoenix just shows up as a flight tech or engineer or something (idk I don't really know that much about real life astronautics) as Miles is preparing for some space mission or something and he's just like WHAT are YOU doing HERE. I know I know I made Apollo literally be the titular martian and yes he ALSO has a (or tbh probably has a WORSE) canonical debilitating fear of heights, so, shhh, but I do like the idea that Phoenix is like, oh, who, me? In the flying metal death trap? No fucking thank you, I will be down here watching and talking directly to you through a headset or something. You cannot escape me however i can at least escape the building I'm in. No interest in seeing the Earth from above, thanks. Actually iirc Miles also doesn't love heights but meh whatever I'm fairly certain Phoenix talks about it the earliest in the series so there you go. Anyway, this would all be a mission prior to whatever mission it is that Apollo & Co. go on to Mars for the first part of the AU, so I guess you could consider it a prequel? And probably a fairly shippy one. I have other reasons for which it's fun for me if wrightworth is at least together if not outright married before the events of the "The Martian" part of the AU, so this one would be, like, about how exactly that went down.

26 - Victorian Era

Okay, once again, this just. IS. Literally. Dai Gyakuten Saiban / The Great Ace Attorney. Lol. That said, I've always loved the fanart I've seen of like Ryuunosuke and Phoenix (and respective Co.'s) interacting, or like, one or the other ending up in the other time period somehow, so I thought it'd probably be fun to try my hat at that. I feel like I've neglected the tgaa characters anyway, considering I actually somehow managed to reference PLvPW already, which is obviously significantly more of a spinoff and also just largely non-canonical, lmao. Also tgaa is just SO GOOD, augh. I'd love to have the multi-witness cross examinations from both of those games back sometime again, and I had so much fun with the jury in tgaa too, excellent mechanic. What was I talking about? So, I never completely decided on a concrete direction to take this, but even before AU-gust had started I'd already been toying with the idea of an AU where maybe Maya or Pearl channels a character from tgaa specifically because some documentary or special or something comes out talking about the real-life Herlock Sholmes (as opposed to the Totally Fictional "Sherlock Holmes" who Phoenix references in that one trilogy line, because I really think that's the funniest possible explanation for the discrepancy) and they're arguing over how that cannot possibly be a real person and no one was named that and etc etc and then to prove once and for all one way or the other Hurley is channeled and also for bonus joke content "recognizes" Phoenix at first (idk pretend his eyesight got worse in his older age, I know Phoenix and Ryuunosuke look, tbh, less alike than Ryuu and Apollo do, lmao, but again that's another AU) and then I get to play with Phoenix's mom's maiden name is Naruhodou and his middle name is Ryuuichi or such to that effect, because that is also a favorite headcanon of mine (not in small part because I can project my own life onto him by making him half-Japanese from SoCal, lol). So that's an idea I'd had that was already decently fleshed out and the ONLY problem is that if I'm having characters actually be channeled then there's a very real limiting factor of how many spirit mediums exist, and also that means Maya and/or Pearl don't get to interact with them, which for the sake of not overwriting would be good but for the sake of my love of a chaotic group conversation would be bad. But, uh, hopefully I do manage to hold myself to a less broad cast of characters, ideally, instead of bringing a bunch of them over to the other time period to see how they'd deal with that and interact en masse. Ha. Haha.

27. Younger / De-Aged

So here's another AU I'd already had idle thoughts about before AU-gust had even started! I...will get into this later, TRUST I will, lmfao, but I do have an extremely involved AU already in which Time Travel of the "regression" type is involved, i.e., they have their memories of the "future" but are thrown back into the past including their own younger bodies however-many-years-ago. So I've got that type of thing covered, I promise I do, haha. And additionally, I've actually already written them "younger" for my colorless AU way back on day 2, so I did think perhaps I'd just continue that one and say it was for this prompt (a smart person thing to do. this is the objectively correct option). On the other hand. I find pre-DL6 Phoenix and Miles reacting to how their lives actually turned out in the end HILARIOUS. Tell me it's not funny. And tell me it's not, like, some sort of depressing-yet-ultimately-hopeful for the older/current them to look at their child selves and be like Kid, Oh, You're Going To Go Through Some Shit, but also reflect on how they did make it and things turned out okay and life goes on etc etc. My problem with this kind of thing is that it's hard to come up with a justification for and that's not a problem in itself but it is a problem in me not knowing how i'm going to end a fic, which often gets me decision-paralysis-ed into not being able to start it in the first place, which did in fact happen to me here, haha. I think ideally I'd just do a quick "wait, was that a dream?" kind of thing where they (Miles and Nick) have a short conversation with themselves, but... Uh-oh, what, did you think that was all I had? You clearly don't know me at all. OTHER au option where young Phoenix is in the future/present and rather than himself and Miles it's the Wright Anything Agency who like, idk, find him roaming the streets of LA (fun fact! I actually came up with this AU one day while I was quite literally roaming the streets of LA myself at like 3am-ish. Do with that what you will). He is of course wearing a hat or beanie or something at first because come on, that's way more fun, and no matter how much Trucy, Apollo, and Athena are like "hm idk something about this kid seems familiar" I just don't think my first thought upon seeing some vaguely familiar kid alone on the street would be, like, "Oh, that's obviously a child version of my father/coworker/boss!" So. I'm not really sure that one has an end point either, though, so the same problem still stands, haha. The bad, someone get a spray bottle to spritz me, option of this is, obviously, to combine the two, so it's like the WAA find him first and then are like UHHHHH we need an adult (never mind actual adult-age-ness between them) and somehow end up getting Miles there too, but idk. I... should not. Overcomplicate. I shouldn't. Even, even if...august is over...so theoretically there's no longer any sort of On-Time component since it's late either way........ definitely not.

28 - Caretaker

Here are my exact notes / entire doc for this day. Ahem. And I quote: i brought up the lighthouse keeper thing but i dont know where that would be going exactly maybe this is a thing i could do franmaya for??? since i still havent gotten there? actually lol that as a lighthouse thing is funny. ghost romance? my three tropes rattle End quote. Anyway, shout-out to my friend hailstorm for being the one there to brainstorm "lighthouse keeper" with at the self-same bar trivia that I mentioned previously, lmao. I actually think that was even the same exact day as the The Martian quote was a relevant answer to a question. So yeah, even though I already kind of have franmaya planned for the spies day, that's both kind of sort of a darker AU overall and--WELP well, okay, so, i do, you know, recognize maybe a ghost romance isn't, uh, necessarily the fluffiest kind of AU lmao. Don't mind that. My point is, I love the vibes of a lighthouse keeper AU, and I generally like ghost romance as a trope, so that does feel like a viable option. Honestly, I kind of separately wanted an excuse to practice writing miego also, so maybe the Feys are just all chillin' in this lighthouse for...Some Reason, and that's side-plot relevant somehow, idk. I know Franziska and Godot exist in the same place for a minute in 3-5, but I honestly can't really remember them interacting? I think she'd fucking HATE him though lmfao. He'd think she's funny but I actually think she'd be too reactive for his most preferred teasing/fucking-with-people dynamics, haha. Regardless, if he is there at all, it's a very minor B plot, I think, 'cause this ain't about him, lol.

29 - Forced into Hiding

Achtung, baby, 2566 words of this are written! Lol. So uh, yeah. In short, AU where Klavier gets hounded by fans on the street while he's also having just a bad personal day, and the closest and best place he can think to hide from them is at the WAA. I, um, actually hadn't realized I'd written quite this much of this, haha, it was supposed to be short and fairly silly but then it turned into Klavier having a little bit of a panic attack maybe and getting consoled by Apollo, sure, of course, but then also having to deal with and experience some amount of closure / reach some kind of understanding with the Wrights, also. It's kind of part Klav character study, kind of part complaint against freaking Capcom for neglecting him (boo, I love him, stop ignoring him, or, yknow, worse, whatever the heck turnabout academy was supposed to do for him, which honestly almost felt like a step back to be quite honest). Okay, also, taking a slightly closer look at what I've already written, the REASON I'd thought I'd written way less than this is definitely because he hasn't even GOTTEN to the Agency yet, never mind spoken with any of its members, lmao. That would do it. In any case, I like the idea of Klavier having a bit of a vulnerable moment, and I also like the idea of him and Phoenix actually, like, talking for real, instead of, once again, whatever Turnabout Academy and DD was meant to tell me, which seems to be less than nothing. I kind of like the fact that it gave him a law mentor? I mean, she was very dead, but I have a very meaningful Use for her in later-to-be-announced-AUs-I-keep-teasing, haha. I of course considered other people and times when people in AA might be forced into hiding, but this felt like a silly but also meaningful way to do that without it just being an exploration of Miles and his not-suicide note (which wasn't exactly "forced" anyhow, he did that all on his own) or like, Zak Gramarye (who also completely did that to himself but w/e). Making it about Klavier completely escapes the bounds of canon, because canon is a weenie about talking about any of his actual feelings EVER, so screw you Capcom, I'm doing it for you. Don't worry about it. Trucy commiserating with him about still Loving someone, perhaps the very closest person biologically related to you you've ever known and depended on in your life, who not only did you very big harm personally but explicitly used you in a very real and participatory way to perpetuate the harm elsewhere and all the complexities about Feelings For And About Them Therein, and Phoenix somehow having enough self-awareness to recognize that shutting down completely and isolating yourself away doesn't actually do you any good even when you're at your lowest, and recognizing that Klavier doesn't exactly have a "Trucy" to be a focal point to draw him out of that, and that therefore he needs to be a bit more open to his peers. (Insert joke about "Well, I'm really definitely not suggesting you go adopt an entire child, that's really probably, uh, not the way to go, actually, but, you know. Everyone needs people, that just makes us human." Etc.)

30 - The Beginning of the World

So, hm, as it turns out, I got extremely sidetracked this day thinking about the next day on the docket. Whoops! Unfortunately this ultimately means my ideas for this day as of now are relatively uninspired: I had the thought that I could explore the beginning of Troupe Gramarye, which is its own sort of world, or else, maybe something about the beginning of the series itself but from the somewhat unconventional POV of a one Mr. Larry Butz. Yes, that's a bit self-serving in that it lends toward trying to complete a list of "main, recurring characters' POVs" that I've had as a sidequest all month, but, still. That said, just exploring actual canon through Larry's POV isn't exactly what I'd classify as an "AU" necessarily, so I feel like something would need to be different here. Okay, wait--not to draw inspiration a dang week late to the party, BUT. Now that I'm typing this up, I'm thinking, okay, maybe, what if. The "Beginning" of the series, technically speaking, is basically the fact that Phoenix gets put on (class) trial for stealing Miles' lunch money--which notably only happened because Larry himself picked it up when it fell on the floor. So, perhaps, what about an AU where he doesn't do that? I mean, I guess it would just turn the entire world of AA into something of a terrible series of tragedies with no real closure about them, lol, rip, but it could possibly be interesting? I dunno! (And, yes, I know DL-6 itself is more or less the basis of the series, if we're being ticky-tacky, but Phoenix wouldn't have been involved without meeting Miles, and that somewhat necessitates the class trial, and without him none of canon would get resolved, so. I will say, I do love going back to the earliest points to see how and how much you can make canon deviate or stay the same--reasonably speaking--via minor tweaks and butterfly effect and all that, so this could be interesting, although I once again must say I think it really just means a bunch of innocent people, Miles included, are going to be put away and possibly executed over murders that weren't their faults, lol. Hm. Much to consider.)

31 - Two(+) of the Above:

Beginning of the World + Younger/De-Aged + Canon Divergence (+ Feat. Jokers: Guardian, Everybody Lives)

With all of this, the ONLY prompts I've actually missed on this list become Animagus which I swapped for the Wings joker, and the last joker of the four, Thriller, which was never exactly a priority of mine because I'm not sure I'd write that sort of thing particularly well, so! Wild! Completionists everywhere almost rejoice, haha. SOOOOO. For the eagle-eyed readers out there, I'll bet you're just dying to know what this one AU I've been teasing all post could Possibly be to warrant such a build-up, right? (...Right?) The answer is the at-ow! (Phonetically, lol. I've been calling it that instead of out loud saying all the letters in AATTAU out loud every time.) My friend Ben can attest to the fact that this behemoth AU (her word which I'm stealing) has been in the works for, uhhhh... months?

MONTHS. AHAHA. Ha. That. Sure says March! It sure does! And it is not lying. Lmfao. (Ignore the time, I was working overnight then--my beloved work schedule whomst I miss dearly--so that's a perfectly reasonable discord-ing hour for March-me.) Also, once again, I'm choosing to blame Ben for my extensive AU problems, she sent me a very cute time loop AA fic that utterly destroyed my entire mind because it got the mere idea of "Time-based AU" caught in my endless void-idea-hole. So. Here's the real rub. The literal reason I started doing this AU-gust challenge in the freaking first place was that I was absolutely Desperate to find a way to overcome my writer's block. And one of the (admittedly many) reasons I wanted to do this was because I have been ITCHING to write this stupid behemoth AU for real. I have a massive outline doc already, I have a whole slew of scenes planned, I have lots of character archage, I have sooo many things I want to say and explore about them all you have No Idea. It's extremely self-indulgent and absolutely my personal magnum opus for all my very specific favorite AA headcanons and ideas and thoughts. And obviously, it worked! I did indeed overcome my writer's block! And I had so much fun doing it!! And I'll admit, from the very beginning, I had been eyeing that "Everybody Lives" joker prompt, because...that's it! That's basically the point of the AATTAU (Ace Attorney Time Travel Alternate Universe, if that wasn't clear, haha). I don't want to let myself get TOO into it, because Oh Boy, I sure will! If you let me! Haha. But basically the premise is EXACTLY what I stated in that very first discord message I could find about it. Maybe not so much "time travel" technically speaking than it is "gaining memories of everything that happened in canon right as the DL-6 earthquake happens", so it's more regression than actual time travel since they're in their own younger bodies and everything, but still. It's basically my excuse to treat canon like it did happen and YET allow for everybody to survive and for the very fun cocktail of traumas and joys that come from remembering what happened but having the chance for something different (and all the effort that goes into making something different happen in the first place).

Now, as far as AU-gust goes. I was obviously not about to even pretend I could remotely start this during August itself or justify connecting any of it to the series and the prompts I'd already written for it, lol, but I also couldn't get the idea out of my head, so I got it in my head I really wanted to end the month with SOMETHING that somehow tied into my AATTAU, if only to motivate myself to actually get on it and start writing out instead of solely outlining everything that's been in the works all these months. So to that end, I saw the "Everybody Lives" and the "Beginning of the World" prompts, and an idea came to me. I'd been dancing around the justification aspect of this AU for most of the time I've had it because let's be honest, it's just a very self-indulgent idea and it does not NEED "justification" to serve the purpose I want it to serve and be what I want it to be. But the AU-gust prompts gave me some actual inspiration and an Idea as to a way to solidify my unnecessary "justification" but in a way that it doesn't need to be directly part of the final product of the AATTAU (like, I could make it a separate one-shot and either just link it to and from the AATTAU fic itself, or if it all ends up being a series, then I could just include it in the series but it wouldn't be necessary to read to understand what's going on. And so, I present! The Ami Fey one-shot special I came up with just to fit these prompts :3 ...And by "i present" i mean, uh, I wrote 4k words of it on the 31st and didn't even come close to what I wanted to cover, because I suck at being concise. Lmfao. (Shocker.) Basically, I used Ami Fey as a semi-self-insert kind of godlike figure to reason out a semi-plausible way to make the concept I want to explore happen, happen. And I had a lot of fun, but I do still have a bunch to finish, but either way, I'm very pleased to have a (somewhat silly but ultimately fun for me) reasoning as to the gears ticking behind the scenes of my idea! To be somewhat less vague, the whole AU is predicated on the idea that, Phoenix and/or Miles (who remember from the beginning / from December 28th, 2001) meeting the other characters at-or-after the time they originally met in canon are able to recall their memories of the "original" (i.e. canon) timeline. I've used some magatama shenanigans to have some fun with this, and I'm now using Ami Fey and magatama shenanigans to explain how and why this is A Thing, even if it isn't necessarily the objectively most logically sound argument I've ever made. It's still a good one, in my book, and more importantly I like it, so that's all that really matters.

To briefly explain the "two" (by which I mean 5?) of the "above" I'm using here:

Beginning of the World: This fic specifically would show the beginning of the "world" of this AU specifically! Woohoo! Go Ami Fey, creating a whole new set of problems for our beloved little Guys to go through, hahaha. I think I may have based her character a little too much on Maya mischievousness, but, oh well. Let's just say that's where she gets it from.

Younger/De-Aged: As I've already kind of expressed, the premise of this AU is mostly just them being their own younger selves except they also have the memories of all of canon (and maybe a year or two after the fact, I need to confirm a couple dates).

Canon Divergence: I feel like this is decently self-explanatory, but then again maybe it's a bit cheesy to include this here, since it basically diverges from nearly the first major event of canon (DL-6), but that's not the only time things go almost-canonically but diverge a bit in some way, so I think it really does fit here.

Guardian: This one is a bit multi-fold. It somewhat refers to the way I'm making Gregory Edgeworth the de facto guardian (as in, legal guardian) of mostly everyone I possibly can because I love him and he would be great at it. But also, guardian in that, Mr. Savior Complex Phoenix Wright himself has literally all of the information at his disposal to try to "save" the potential Happy Lives of literally every person he loves, and, well. He does a pretty good job about it; not without cost, haha, but I feel like I can definitely call him a "guardian" of others in this AU. And, as for specifically the one-shot Ami fic, she is essentially the guardian of the entire Fey lineage, in this AU at least, so that also totally fits and is most immediately relevant.

Everybody Lives: I think this one is pretty self-explanatory at this point, lol. But for the one-shot: Ami is essentially trying to secure an "everybody lives" scenario, even if it hasn't been achieved yet, so it's more an aspiration at that point, but ultimately it is indeed successful. Now, "living" does not mean, like, "totally healthy" (mentally or physically), so there's lots more to it, but in short, yes, they live.

And......that's basically a wrap on that!

I mean, it isn't actually at all, since I still have to finish 26/31 fics, lmfao, but as far as the idea generation stage goes, and the use of the AU-gust prompts, that's what's up in my world! Somewhere out there maybe there's an AU of my actual real life where i finished more of these on time, but i'm still pretty pumped by all the work that's already been made on making so many AA fics a reality for me. I've come a long way since starting that first AA fic in 2018...!!

I still have all the aforementioned 26 fics to finish obviously, and I also have AU continuations planned for at the very least, day 2's colorless prompt and day 3's dark academia prompt (let alone day 31's, lol, but that's its own monster entirely), but I'm optimistic!

Thankfully I actually finished using nano to word track for me before they, you know, doubled down on AI and called everyone "abelist" (???) for not supporting it, which, uh. Well. But for my own posterity and if anyone's curious, here's what my word counts looked like throughout the month of AU-gust--admittedly including some planning and outlining:

It ended up being 51,377 words total in August on these AU prompts alone!

I feel like I wanted to say something poignant and meaningful at the end here, but it's almost 9:30 and I work at 4am tomorrow, so I'm going to go ahead and wrap this post up here, haha. If you read all of this, thank you very much for joining me on my little journey!

Once again, here is the Ao3 series where I'll post anything more that gets done, so if you'd like to see how any of these AUs turn out, feel free to keep an eye on that!

And here is the previous post with the 1st half+ of the AUs if you missed it and are interested now!

My copy arrived literally as I was writing this up so I've spent the last several prompts of this post listening to the AAIC soundtrack in the music collection, and, oh man, it's seriously so surreal this exists??? I might be an old fogey who has and will for an indeterminate amount of time continue to have trouble letting go of the fan translation names I've lived with for the past decade or whatever, but it's seriously so awesome the entire series is finally available internationally!! Let's hope for my sake AA7 doesn't come out before I finish any of my AATTAU, because that would really throw a bit of a wrench in my decision-making process, lol.

Bye for now!

[coralinnii]

Hi....If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

If I’m being honest, I have been more into just listening to music during my free time more than anything and while I read a lot of manga, my goldfish brain would blank out if someone were to ask me anything about it. However, I will tell you my list of definite rewatch/reread series though some of them are pretty old or obscure.

My Top 10 (in no particular order)

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-Kun (manga/anime)

At first, I watched it mainly for the fun aesthetics (cute colourful characters with spooky backgrounds) but I fell in love with the characters and world-building of this series. The whole cast, be it main or supporting, are absolutely amazing and capable of running a story arc of their own even without the main cast which is seriously impressive. And while the anime only just scratched the surface, the author really built the setting of this series with great thought, with its own politics, history, systems, and culture that impacts the story well. No random fact is without purpose and I love it.

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. (manga/anime)

I’ve been watching anime since I was 4 so I can confidently say that I’m familiar with many classic anime tropes and cliches. This series is like a kudos to longtime anime fans with its jokes and jabs as it follows a strong psychic boy being absolutely done with the insanity of his life as he tries to keep his powers a secret from his schoolmates like a sports anime jock, a shojou girl, delinquent gone good, etc. The comedy coming from this deadpan omnipotent high school student is just an absolute delight. I kin Saiki so much

Nope (movie)

I’m a real fan of horror movies, especially those with undertones that bring a critical element to humanity. While I love all of Jordan Peele’s current works, Nope has got to be one of my favourite movies overall. I’ve heard of some of the criticisms people had with the film (pretty ironic ones too) but I personally love the pacing and suspense of the film. While it’s fun to watch monsters and killers get crazy from the get-go (that’s why Saw movies and slasher films were popular) but Nope touched on that all-too-real fear of not knowing what’s going to happen. That fear where you’re afraid but you’re not sure of what yet.

Petshop of Horrors (manga/anime) and the sequel Neo Petshop of Horrors (manga)

Speaking of horror with critical undertones, I was obsessed with this manga series that came out in the late 90s. I would try so hard to find a way to read this series every chance I could growing up. It’s a sorta episodic style story that stars a mysterious petshop owner that often becomes a suspect in the deaths of people who have bought animals from his shop. I love the philosophy of each new story that touches on humanity and how different (or similar) we are to animals. It questions our societal norms, expectations, base desires, mythology, what it means to live, and what is “acceptable” in our world. Unfortunately, the series was never fully translated and only published fewer copies than typical manga series due to reasons I’m not too sure of (possibly conflicts with ownership and company copyrights at the time, think Baccano situation). The series had an anime but even that anime only had 4 episodes (I still highly recommend it however). I’ve managed to get a few volumes for myself and I know people are selling certain volumes online but I have to save for essentials so collecting them is unfortunately a lower priority now.

Pokémon (video game/manga/anime)

Is this a cop-out? Nah. To this day, I would still have to physically fight myself to not buy plushies and games when I’m already broke af. Pokémon might be one of the first animes I have ever seen (I have seen both sub and dub because my brother found a way) and I would still on occasion go back to rewatch literally any season and any movie of theirs, Nintendo really hit the marketing jackpot with this franchise. The creativity and design are so iconic and memorable that it’s so easy and fun to get into the fantasy of going on an adventure with your favourite Pokémon. There’s of course some nostalgia at play since I loved the moments where my older brother would watch the movies with me and my cousin and I would collect the figurines together.

One Piece (manga/anime)

Is this also a cop-out? Don’t care. I LOVE ONE PIECE! I will sacrifice my time and tears for this series. I have legitimately managed to rewatch this 4 times in my life (granted I started when it only had 400+ episodes so I had an easier time) and I would willingly cry over a flashback, a whale, even a boat over and over again. The action and story-telling of this series just keeps me running back for more even if I keep meeting dumb gatekeepers (yea, people don’t believe me when I tell them I’m a One Piece fan, what are ya gonna do?) I haven’t watch the Netflix live action yet but I probably will once I get my friends to watch with me (I like to fangirl with friends~)

Forget my Husband, I’ll Go Make Money (manhwa)

Despite my blog probably being best known for the villain/ess series, the banner of my blog is not an isekai villainess story but a fantasy series where a woman who can see the past, present, and future tries to make money while being married to a foreign prince before expecting a divorce (because she assumed he rather marry for love than for political reasons). Fun fact, this series was actually one of the foundations when I was writing the villain/ess story for Leona. The art and main couple are just absolutely delightful, I can’t help but reread it as it returns for a new season. Not only is the art just gorgeous, the main couple is just so gosh darn entertaining with their conversations, personal dynamics, and hilarious misunderstandings. Just beautiful.

Hotel Del Luna (K-drama)

Leave it to my interest in horror to love a romance drama with ghosts in it. It’s funny, it’s cute, and some of the ghost’s backstory is heartbreaking as well. This is a great story to just have a nice cry out. I love the story, I love the music, but most importantly, I love IU! She is my queen and every scene she is in, she kills me with her fashion, her haughty character, and her tragic backstory. She and the male lead was such a fun twist of the typical k-drama relationship where she was the powerful but broken character who ended up being healed by the kind, hardworking character. I've watched this 3 times at this point, but I still cry Every. Single. Time. No exceptions.

Hell Girl (anime/manga)

If I haven’t sold you on how I was probably that kid with creepy interests, maybe this will convince you. This was my go-to show back when I was in middle school. There is no excuse, I just really love the psychological horror of this series. In the show, there is a website you can access at midnight where you can ask Ai or Hell Girl to send your most hated person to hell, with the price that you will go there too when you die. While there was a linear storyline in the background, the episodes were always new people who requested Ai’s help with different cases of their own hell on earth. It touches on some really heavy real-life topics but what made it memorable to me was how sometimes I would feel saddened by the choices the people in the show made. Sometimes, they’re in the situation where all they can do is curse someone to hell but then was it really worth losing your chance at a happier afterlife? I watched this show with some of my friends who either saw Ai as a villain for sending people to hell, or a saviour who helped these people find an escape from their torturer, and that honestly made me think about what it means to have that much hate in you. I always wondered if I was ever in that situation, what would I do if given the chance?

Big Hero 6 (movie)

Arguably the first Marvel-Disney movie since Disney bought Marvel, I remembered people having weird thoughts on the usually cartoony company taking over the superhero franchise but I fell in love with everything that was this movie. It had Marvel-style action mixed with classic Disney wholesomeness and gut-wrenching emotional moments. I loved the message and warmth that was in this movie. Having an older brother myself, I couldn’t imagine how I could go on if I lose him but watching Hiro being so well supported by Baymax and his friends cemented within me the importance of helping others and that supporting those in pain can be as powerful as stopping bad guys (sappy, I know but hey I’m now learning to be a preschool teacher so this really stuck with me). Tadashi’s recorded message brings me so much comfort that I didn’t realize I needed. He may have been the closest thing to a Disney crush for me.

[lily-janus]

Brothers, am I right?

Summary: a classic fight between a hero and a villain takes a rather... interesting turn.

Pairings: platonic Loceit, platonic Analogical

Warnings: guns, weapons, death mentions, violence (not very destcrictive), rivalry, blood mention.

Word count: 3,185

For day 2 of @loceitweek Masks/Chalk.

This is a fun superhero AU I felt like writing^^ hope you enjoy!

------------------------

Logan has fought many villains ever since he decided to use his powers for the greater good, in order to honor the memory of his late father.

But Logan won't be exaggerating when he said that Deceit was the worse one by far.

It's not that he was more powerful or smarter than his past enemies. No, he met Deceit at his best for the most part in those regards. What made him the worse villain Logan ever fought was simple, he could figuratively get under Logan's skin with nothing more than a single sentence.

It drove Logan crazy! They don't even know anything about each other's true identity and personal lives! And yet, it always seems as though Deceit can read him like Logan would easily read a book.

But, this time, Logan was determined not to let his sneaky way with words distract him. This time, Logan can't afford the mess up.

Because Deceit has decided to mess with forces he doesn't seem to understand, and Logan was the only one who can stop him.

It all started when he got an emergency signal from his - what would movies like to call - 'man in the chair', his scientist friend, Virgil.

He always helped Logan with either, figuring out his rival's next moves, making him useful gadgets, or simply just being a good friend and company to be around.

Logan always had a great appreciation for his intelligence and the brilliant way he tackled problems which allowed him to create some of the most unique weapons Logan has ever seen.

…just don't tell him any of that, every time Logan does it makes him uncomfortable even though these were merely facts.

Logan tasked Virgil with figuring out Deceit's next move, hoping he could finally be a few steps ahead of the sneaky villain.

So, when he got the emergency signal from him, he wasted no time and rushed towards their secret base fo find out what Virgil discovered.

"I received your signal, what is he planning to do?" Logan asked as soon as he stepped out of the elevator and caught sight of his friend.

Virgil was pacing and fidgeting with his lab coat, all signs of his clear distress, it must be bad then.

Upon hearing Logan's voice, Virgil froze in place and turned to look at him, biting his bottom lip idly. "It's… it's bad Logan, really really bad. I… I don't think anyone even tried something like that before… there's no telling what-"

"Virgil." Logan cut him off gently when he noticed Virgil started mattering to himself and spiraling deeper into his panic. "Slow down and tell me what you learned."

Virgil nodded, taking a deep breath, "somehow… Deceit found a way to take away powers… you know, turn them off."

Logan took his time to process that, it was the last thing he'd expected to hear from Virgil… and he wasn't sure how to respond.

"...how exactly is he planning to do that?" Logan settled on at the end.

Virgil went to his computer and typed a bit before projecting an image through the projector.

It looked like plans for some sort of weapon. "A machine that turns off powers?" Logan asked, just to be sure.

Virgil nodded, "it seems to be some kind of laser ray that alters the neurons in your body." He explained.

"Do we know what will happen for someone with powers if those would get taken away like that?" Logan asked next, as he examined closely the plans Virgil was projecting onto the wall.

"Yes… in theory at least. As I said, it's never been so much as experimented, all we have are scientific assumptions." Virgil said, starting to pace again to burn some of his nervous energy. "People with powers, like you, Logan. Their bodies work differently than those without. Studies show that the very basics of functions in your bodies rely on the powers you were born with." He stopped for a bit, letting that sink in a little.

"So taking the powers away, or turning them off…" Logan pieced it together out loud

"Could very much have the same effect as losing blood, or a heart… it could mean death, Logan." Virgil finished for him, and the gravity of the situation was finally fully realized for Logan.

Logan swallowed, "I have to stop him, do we know if he completed the weapon yet?"

Virgil shook his head with a grimace, "we don't know for sure where he is in the process of making this weapon, but I did manage to find out where he's building it. You're gonna have to sneak in there and destroy it before he gets a chance to use it." He explained.

Logan nodded, he was fairly certain that Deceit didn't know… or didn't care about what kind of damage his machine can cause, and it was up to Logan alone to make sure it doesn't get used. He can do this… he has to.

"Okay, send me the coordinates and I'll be on my way-" he started saying, but Virgil cut him off with a light chuckle.

"Hold your horses there, mister Save-The-Day, you're not seriously about to go to the snake's lair unarmed, are you?" Virgil said with slight amusement.

Logan blushed in embarrassment, how could he forget something as basic as taking a weapon to a fight?

"...right, of course, that was… what I was about to say as well." Logan said in hopes of keeping his compuser.

Virgil rolled his eyes, "sure you did, Specs. Anyway, I prepared your usual weapon belt," Virgil walked to a table a few feet away from them with various devices and lifted a belt with Logan's most preferable choice of weapons and handed it to him. "And take this, my newest invention, it should paralyze anyone within 10 feet of the user for about 30 minutes. It should give you enough time to destroy the machine if you were to get caught."

Virgil threw him what looked like a clicker of some kind, he raised an eyebrow at Virgil, "should? Are you using me as your figurative lab rat again?"

Virgil shrugged, "how else am I going to test my newest weapons? You don't want me using innocent people and get arrested, do you?"

Logan knew by now that Virgil was just being sarcastic, but the mental image still bothered him a little. "Fair point, thank you, Virgil, I couldn't ask for a better friend." Logan offered him a slight smile.

Virgil fidgeted in place uncomfortably, blushing, "...just don't die, okay?"

"I don't think I would be given much choice in the matter-"

"Logan!" Virgil protested.

"Okay, sorry, I won't die today, I promise to do everything in my power to prevent that." Logan relented and he could see the relief in Virgil as his shoulders slumped and he nodded.

"Good… good luck out there… and punch that snake in the face for me!" Virgil called after him as he left.

…

He arrived at the location Virgil sent him and saw an abandoned warehouse.

Cautiously, he moved inside, being wary of traps or cameras Deceit might have installed.

His powers allowed him to hear others thoughts as well as moving things with his mind and turning invisible, which was what he did now in case someone was watching the place.

There was nothing in the first floor, as far as Logan could tell, so he went up the stairs to the next. They were a bit squeaky, though, and Logan looked around frantically, hoping no one noticed.

When nothing happened, he continued on his way.

Now this floor looked more like Logan expected, different tools and machinery scattered about on tables, and when he reached the center, there was a large object covered in a white sheet.

Watching his steps and looking around carefully, Logan walked closer to what seemed to be the machine Virgil was telling him about.

Something felt off, though, it was too easy and obvious, it felt more like…

He stepped back at just the right moment before a net shot from the ground where he'd been standing and hang in the air.

A trap.

"Aww, you're no fun, I almost had you." He heard a familiar, sleek voice and turned around to find Deceit smirking at him.

He was wearing his usual yellow, snake skin, suit, with his mask that covered his entire face and only left the mouth, nose and eyes exposed. Half of the mask had scales in it, while the other was plain yellow.

"Deceit, this time you went too far." Logan hissed.

Deceit clicked his tongue, shaking his head, "oh Logic, Logic, Logic. That is what you always say. You really need to learn what fun means." He chuckled, walking slowly closer to Logan.

"I know what fun means, Deceit, it does not include hurting and killing people." Logan said angrily in response, "this machine that you're building can do irreversible damadge! Did you think about that? Or do you not really care?"

Deceit shrugged, "people die all the time anyway, so why aren't I allowed to have some fun out of it huh? Tell me." He smiled a sinister smile.

Logan growled in frustration, "you're not listening!"

"Well you're not captivating your audience." He rolled his eyes, "really, Teach, it's like you're not even trying to sound convincing."

Logan shook his, trying to get Deceit out of his head, trying to focus on his mission. Get in, destroy the machine, get out.

He turned invisible again and dashed towards the machine, pulling out his laser gun from his belt and preparing to shoot it at the device under the sheet.

But, as his first shot hit it… it vanished into smoke, together with the tables with tools.

An illusion.

But, by the time he turned around to face Deceit again, it was too late. Deceit had already pulled out his own gun and was pointing it directly at him.

"Surely you don't think I'm stupid enough to leave my toys laying around where every hero can walts in and ruin them?" Deceit said, amused.

Logan wanted to hit himself, of course he wouldn't… such a foolish oversight in his part, it was too obvious for someone as sneaky.

"Now, be a good boy and drop your gun if you please." Deceit drawled, sounding a lot more satisfied by the situation than Logan would have liked.

Gritting his teeth, Logan let go of his laser gun and kicked it towards Deceit, this was not looking good for him, he needs a new plan. But Deceit made it so hard for him to think!

"There we go, now that's much better, isn't it?" Deceit snikered, continuing to mock Logan.

Logan closed his eyes. This was it, he was about to break his promise to Virgil, he was going to die.

"Take off your mask." Deceit ordered instead of shooting.

Logan opened his eyes slowly to stare in surprise at the villain in front of him, "what?"

Deceit rolled his eyes, "I know you heard me, c'mon, you might not be the brightest but surely you're not deaf too?" He raised an eyebrow.

Logan swallowed, trying to figure out Deceit's objective here. "W-why?"

"I believe I'm the one with the gun here, I ask the questions, Logic. Take it off." Deceit said, sounding impatient.

Seeing no other choice, Logan grabbed the edges of his mask and slowly pulled it off, being careful around his glasses.

He didn't understand the situation, what could Deceit gain from this? Deceit never did anything if it wasn't in his own best interests. But only seeing Logan's face won't reveal his true identity. Not right away at least… unless they know each other without knowing it… could Deceit have found out something about Logan's true identity?

No… that's impossible… right?

Deceit drew a shaky breath as Logan tossed his mask aside.

"Impossible…" he mattered to himself, "how is this possible?" His hands started to shake around his gun, "L-Logan?" He asked with a sob.

Logan frowned, "do I… know you?" He tried hard to recognize Deceit's voice from his civilian life but nothing came to mind… What's going on here?

"You don't remember… of course you don't, they loved playing with our minds since we were kids…" Deceit continue to matter nonsense and Logan tried desperately to make sense of it.

Who's they? Play with our minds? His parents had mind manipulation powers but they'd never… would they?

"What are you talking about? W-who are you?" Logan asked, confused. Deceit was acting… strange, could this just be another one of his tricks? But for what? He already had Logan unarmed and unmasked, why would he need to trick him?

Deceit moved his hand and Logan flinched, thinking he's going to shoot him after all. But all he did was remove his own mask.

Underneath was a massive scar covering the left side of his face, one of his eyes were green while the other was chocolate brown, and he was looking at Logan with such longing and sadness that had Logan frozen to the spot.

"My name is Janus, I got kidnapped 15 years ago and was presumed dead ever since… I didn't think I had any family left… I barely escaped and have just been trying to survive ever since." Dece- Janus, explained, then lowered his gun with a sigh. "Logan… I'm your brother."

Logan shook his head frantically, "that's not possible, I'm an only child." He insisted, none of it made sense!

Janus let out an empty chuckle, shaking his head, "no, Logan, don't you get it? Our parents erased your memories of me." He countered, "they arranged for me to get kidnapped! They never approved of me, they thought my powers were too villainous, they were afraid of me…" he trailed off with another sigh, "who am I kidding? You're not going to believe a word I say…" he covered his face with his hand.

Logan thought briefly about escaping, Janus wasn't pointing his gun at him anymore and he was clearly deranged… but, a spark of curiosity at this strange behavior kept him where he was. Plus… there was something familiar about Janus… something he couldn't explain.

"...can you prove it?" Logan asked after a while of consideration.

Janus removed his hand from his face and stared at Logan with a spark of hope in his mismatched eyes, "what?"

"Can you prove we're related? …that you're my brother?" He couldn't believe he was asking that but, as crazy as Janus' story sounds… what kind of scientist would he be if he didn't at least test it out?

"Is our resemblance not enough?"

Ah, there's a familiar tone from the guy he's been fighting for the past few months, joking.

But Logan looked closely anyway, there wasn't anything he found to be very similar about their features and the massive scar on half of Janus' face wasn't helping…. But, his eyes.

One of them an earthy green, like Logan's… like his mother. And the other… the other a warm, chocolaty brown… like Logan's dad.

"No… it's a start though." Logan said as he continued to inspect the man in front of him, "anything more?"

Janus laughed lightly, shaking his head, "always so serious…" he thought for a moment, "well, I know you were always way too smart for your own good, you have a weird and pretty entertaining habit of taking things too literally, Agatha Christie is your favorite author… should I continue?"

Logan swallowed, shaking his head, "you could have learned that from Virgil somehow, tell me something only my brother would know and maybe I'll take your story into consideration." He tried desperately to keep his composure but the possibility of him having a long lost brother was… bothersome.

Janus sighed, "well, how about this then, I know that, deep down, you never wanted to be a hero."

The words seemed to hit Logan like a punch to his gut and he tensed, looking wide eyed at Janus. "N-no… you're wrong! I chose this path I-"

"Did you? Or did our parents make you think that this was the only path you can choose? I know you, Logan. We would often talk about it. You expressed to me your desire to simply live your life, instead of carrying the world's weight on your shoulders… you don't believe in heroes and villains, you never did." Janus insisted, walking slowly closer as he talked.

Logan was frozen to the spot… he never told anyone that… there's no way Janus could have found out… could he have simply guessed it? No, it's too accurate for a guess… but how?

"I… never told anyone… not even Virgil… how did you.." the words got stuck in his throat, this can't be true! But at the same time… it has to be true to make sense…

He didn't realize how close Janus got until he felt the light touch of his hand on his shoulder, Janus was smiling softly at him. "I missed you so much, Logan."

Logan pulled away slightly, just enough so he could feel like he could breathe again. "Hold on a moment… what about all this?" He gestured towards Janus' costume and where they were right now, "the damage you caused? The people you hurt?"

Janus raised an eyebrow, "name one person I actually killed or hurt beyond recovery. I told you, I'm just trying to survive, I'm supposed to be dead so can't really have a job, being a hero doesn't really pay and brings too much attention… The villain act was the only thing I could think of, it also helped a bit with the boredom." He laughed slightly, shrugging.

Logan narrowed his eyes, "and what about the weapon you're building?"

Janus waved dismissively, "a ruse to get you here, fed Virgil some incorrect information, wasn't hard. You were gaining on me too much and I just wanted to know who you are to get some advantage… didn't expect you to be my little brother though…" he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I see…" was all Logan can think of saying before he went quiet again.

"Does that mean… you believe me now?" Janus asked, looking hesitant but hopeful. "Can we stop fighting each other and go back to being brothers?"

Logan drew a shaky breath, "I… I don't know… I guess it's a start-" he was cut off by Janus crushing him with a hug, something Logan is not usually a fan of, but he found the embrace oddly familiar and found himself melting into it.

"I missed you… Logan, my little genius, I won't leave you again, I promise." Janus whispered softly in his ear, still refusing to let go.

"I think… I think I missed you too, in a way." Logan said, surprised at how true those words felt. My little genius… just like his father used to call him…

They stayed like that for a long while, neither wanting to let go ever again.

[lasbrumas]

WTW GHOST GALA ; days 1-8

a review of all this week's prompts!

day 1; pumpkin carving ↳ You have to kill off a character; who do you choose?

Without getting into spoilers, certain characters die within Burning of the Apiary. Seems unfair to use them to answer this prompt, and not just because they’re spoilers, but because it just feels too easy. I already accounted for the impact of their deaths in the plot so…

That being said, if I had to make another character die or swap one death out for the other, it would be Camila. Out of all the side characters, she represents life the most. She is fun-loving, and generally optimistic, which would make her death all that more bleak. That and, out of all the characters, she is least invested in the actual plot and mystery, happy enough to keep out of the whole issue. It certainly would affect Dolores a lot, since she is doing her best throughout Burning of the Apiary to keep the rest of the convent school safe from whatever is slowly poisoning their minds and relationships.

day 2; raven ↳ Create a tagline for your WIP.

Love the sinner.

I couldn’t think of a tagline at first, but then I remembered the whole Christian saying of “love the sinner, hate the sin” or whatever it is. I grew up Catholic, though this was never explicitly said; just implied. And it made me reflect on some personal things where that sort of ideology was present and the disastrous effects it had years down the line, especially when it comes to love in all forms. I thought it would be fitting for Burning of the Apiary because, ultimately, it’s about love and its destructive nature when tied to ideologies like that. In world, the religion might not be Catholicism, but it’s still highly dogmatic and devotion based.

day 3; crystal ball ↳ Outline a scene, act, or your entire WIP.

Set up my new outline document and started filling it in. Enjoy this preview of what I’m calling the sections so I know what goes where. Will I actually have a 5-act structure? Probably not. But it helps get my thoughts in order before I fix it up.

Act 1: The Arrival Act 2: The Meeting Act 3: The Initiation Act 4: The Kiss Act 5: The Sacrifice

day 4; fallen leaves ↳ Create a playlist for your WIP.

A few select songs from the Burning of the Apiary playlist:

in the beginning, fahrenhaidt & alice merton ; bee dance, agnes obel ; the disappearance of the girl, phildel ; if the world falls to pieces, young summer ; destroyer, of monsters and men

day 5; jack o' lantern ↳ Share an interesting fact you found while doing research for your WIP.

While researching bees, I found out that there is a type of moth that acts as a predator/invasive species to bees. The wax moth, both lesser and greater, eats beeswax, pollen, remains of larval bees, and more. However, the most interesting fact is that they often only target hives that are already diseased or declining. They’re a great indicator of underlying problems in a bee colony.

I thought this was cool and they may or may not make an appearance in Burning of the Apiary.

day 6; vampire ↳ Tell us where you find your motivation and inspiration.

I find most of my inspiration from other types of media I consume, including movies, tv shows, and, of course, books. Even photos and the rare hike I take give me inspiration. I think part of being a creative person is finding inspiration anywhere and everywhere, and that’s very true with me.

Burning of the Apiary is one of those WIPs I’ve had on the backburner for a while, and I’ve tried writing it several times. The original inspiration was a mix of a few dreams I had written down and Coraline. Since then, it’s evolved to pull more inspiration from the classic gothic novels I read (and loved) in high school college, most notably Villette and Jane Eyre, along with Guillermo del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth and Crimson Peak, mixed with whatever I find cool and want to throw in there.

day 7; skeleton ↳ Have a favorite plot structure? If not, share how you plot!

My way of plotting is sort of throwing things and seeing what sticks. I tend to get ideas very piecemeal and random –– a scene or piece of dialogue or character. This can make it difficult to plot sometimes, which is why my outlines tend to be written, rewritten, and then usually tweaked even during the writing process.

I’ve tried several plot structures, like the 3-Act, 7-Act, and Save the Cat method. None of them quite worked out for me, but I took pieces here and there to figure out a general plot, or at least plan major beats and fill in everything in between. Knowing the genre is always the most important for me, though, since certain plot points are “standard” for genres (and for good reason). Plus, the better I know the genre, the easier it is to choose what rules actually apply to my WIPs. For Burning of the Apiary, I definitely researched and read a lot of horror and mystery novels to familiarize myself with genre-plot conventions and beats (and also found some new favorites). It’s been fun and I’ll be using that to figure things out!

day 8; trick or treat ↳ Set some writing goals and milestones for your WIP.

the overall goal for Burning of the Apiary is about 80-90k, so I am trying to get at least half of that done during NaNoWriMo. we'll see.

[lizzardwitch]

rj/fran

ah yes the beauty and the beast ship that pr robbed us of because women in this franchise can't have nice things

who said i love you first?

RJ. Fran is way too shy to confess her feelings first and believes that she isn't attractive or worthy enough for love (even though that's FAR from the case). RJ is an awkward little bastard too but he probably just ends up saying it on a whim after trying to hype himself up for WEEKS to ask Fran out on a date.

who laughs when the other trips?

RJ tries his best not to. He so desperately tries not to. But Fran is just too much of an adorable silly mess and he can't help but giggle as he helps her up.

who pays the bills? 

Back when Fran worked for RJ, he did. Now she probably has her own job (librarian would be my best bet), so they split them/work them out based on their respective incomes.

which one makes a bigger deal around the holidays?

RJ. Fran likely doesn't have anyone close to her in her circle to spend the holidays with. Even before the Rangers arrived, RJ invited Fran to spend Christmas with him since they were both lonely and she didn't want to deal with her parents (he does have the Masters but I can't imagine them as the most festive people, especially Finn who he was no-contact with). He also spoils her to death and makes even more of an effort to include her once the Rangers show up because spandex be damned she is a queen and their backbone and biggest support

who’s more clumsy?

Fran my sweet disaster baby girl with little to no hand-eye coordination (unless she has a gun but that's just a headcanon)

who checks their daily horoscope?

RJ for sure. Fran occasionally checks hers for shits & giggles

who sings louder in the car?

RJ. He one day asks Fran to join in despite how sheepish she was about the entire thing. He ends up having to stop the car to wipe his tears because he loves her voice.

who leaves the cap off the toothpaste?

RJ you fucker when I find you-

who is more up to date in pop culture?

Depends. Fran is definitely on top of anything literature and maybe movie-related, but that's mostly based on what authors and actors she's really into. RJ tries but he hasn't updated his pop culture tastes since the early 2000s.

who insists on going to see the newest movies?

With all the literature to film adaptations happening recently........Fran is definitely dragging RJ's ass to the theatres at 1am. She also carries a notepad ready to scribble down notes comparing the film to the novel.

who cries when the abused animal commercials come on?

RJ, not just because of the animal spirit motif but he's likely also sensitive to any sort of gratuitous violence, gore, and blood that isn't related to Ranger work since he's an animal rights guy and shit. Fran pats his head as he cries into her shoulder (this also occurs when they watch horror movies together).

who’s the lighter sleeper?

Fran probably. Putting aside the fact that RJ seems like a heavy sleeper, I hc that Fran's in grad school or at least taking a gap year during Jungle Fury, so she's used to not sleeping. She'd probably keep herself up with a good book or rants to RJ about shitty books she reads.

who believes in ghosts?

RJ ofc it's right up his alley

who does the grocery shopping?

Both of them. RJ has to buy things for the store on a regular basis, and Fran helps with stocking their personal kitchen and coordinates shopping lists for fun.

who updates their facebook status more often?

Fran but she treats it more like a blog, because she likes to give her thoughts about the books she reads and media she consumes like a reviewer. However, she does post the occasional anniversary or date selfie talking about how much she loves RJ in the caption (who is always the top comment talking about how much he loves her back)

[watching-pictures-move]

Movie Review | On Wings of Eagles (McLaglen, 1986)

I picked up a copy of the book this is based a few weeks ago as the church down the street from the Lightbox was holding a book sale during the first few days of TIFF, and basically went through it while waiting for screenings. I'm a notoriously slow reader so the fact that I finished it as quickly as I did is an endorsement. For those not in the know, it's about the rescue mission organized by Ross Perot to rescue two employees of his company EDS who were jailed in Iran right before the Iranian Revolution. I would have been a year old when Perot ran for President, so I admit I have no strong feelings about him beyond vague cultural reference. (His "giant sucking sound" phrase came up in an economics class.) 

The portrait it presents of Perot is pretty fawning, although I suppose if the book presents an accurate portrait of the events, he probably did come off pretty well in this situation. For example, he was supportive of the attempt to rescue his employees, while another notable public figure of similar wealth in more recent years accused the head of the Thai cave rescue mission of being a pedophile. It's worth noting that Perot was a mere multimillionaire at the time of these events rather than a billionaire, so perhaps the corrupting influence of that extra digit hadn't tipped him over to total asshole. Anyway, the book is a breezy read and full of interesting detail, so it's worth a read even beyond the genuinely exciting events it depicts.

This is directed by Andrew V. McLagen, director of The Wild Geese, and I was hoping for some of the schlocky but extremely tasty flavour of that one, but his direction seems especially clumsy within this one's TV movie / miniseries confines. Information that the book conveys through prose is awkwardly turned into dialogue, and the movie tries to spice things up with really stupid and lame action not present in the book. Exhibit A: Kabir Bedi, playing a character not in the book, reveals his allegiance to the Ayatollah and fires an Uzi at a picture of the Shah in the middle of an office with no warning. This also excises the stretch set in Germany, meaning that it loses one of the funniest bits. That part has the characters learning that Germany has something of an extradition treaty with Iran, so they lay low during their layover at a German airport by visiting the movie theatre (apparently that's a thing in Germany), where at least one screen was playing a porno movie. Imagine, if you were flying through Europe and had time to kill between flights, you could slip into a darkened theatre and for a few hours, watch, I dunno, Karin Schubert getting railed. What a country!

Probably the best thing this has going for it is the cast. Perot is played by Richard Crenna, which is like casting William Shatner to play Slim Pickens. It is not a credit to McLaglen's direction that a scene between Perot and his son, played by Crenna's real son, is as awkward as it is. Most fun are Burt Lancaster as Arthur D. "Bull" Simons, the war hero colonel who spends many of his scenes chomping on a cigar, and Esai Morales as the impulsive, quick thinking Rashid, the Iranian EDS employee who frequently saves the day, followed by Paul Le Mat playing EDS executive Jay Coburn like he has mancrushes on his boss and colleagues.

This probably deserves some points for casting actors of Iranian decent, even if the portrayals are not positive and a lot more broad than the book, which definitely took a Western perspective but seemed interested in the nuances of Americans living in Iran and their relationship to the locals. You get Parviz Sayyad as the villainous Dadgar and Mary Apick as his assistant/translator Mrs. Nourbash. Dadgar is the primary villain in the book and hangs over the proceedings thanks to his command of bureaucracy in a fraught political situation, a dynamic the movie can't evoke so instead it has him chasing them in a helicopter. Apick has a bit of a Saundra Santiago thing going on. You don't need to remember any of these names by the way, I'm just rattling them off because I recently finished the book.

Anyway, this is not good, but I like the actors and the TV-grade hamminess keeps this watchable.

[galaxyglowtarot]

How To Manifest Your Future Husband in 5 Steps

Manifesting love does not have to be difficult. In fact, once you know the formula, you can take back control and start having fun with it.

For me personally, it was the complete opposite for years. It was excruciating trying to find ‘the one’. But I finally overcame it when I realised that it was the inner work that was missing.

If manifesting your ideal partner has been hard work so far, then keep reading to find out my own story and how I manifested my husband. I will walk you through the steps that I took to make it happen.

MY STORY

When I was single, which was for most of my life, I often fantasized about meeting my future husband in the most ordinary places, like the supermarket or a shopping center, or even just on the street.

Hollywood had a big influence on me! I genuinely believed that romance movies were based on some sort of reality. Did I really think I could bump my head on the curb and Mr. Right would come rushing to my aid?

Silly, I know.

Every day, I was on the lookout for my future husband. I always dressed well, made sure I looked decent, socialized, mingled—basically, I did everything I thought I needed to do to meet someone.

But looking back, I see just how obsessed I was with the outcome.

In my mind, I had a certain type, which was probably my biggest stumbling block. I was always on the lookout for a specific kind of man, and at the same time, I was searching for an instant connection.

As I turned 30 and was still unmarried, I realized something bigger was at play. So, I decided to do some inner work. I stumbled across a book on Amazon called Calling In The One by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

It sounded pretty cheesy and desperate, but I didn’t care at this point. After reading the first few pages, I was seriously hooked.

It was like therapy in a book.

I examined my patterns, my fears, my behavior, and my expectations. I started to understand myself more deeply.

I realized the qualities I was actually looking for in a man—qualities that were more important to me than looks or his bank balance.

Then one day, I started to feel genuinely ready to get married. There was no fear of not finding him, no fear of being hurt, just excitement for my future.

I started a new job, and a few days later, a man walked into my office. As he spoke, I got butterflies. It was something I couldn’t explain. I felt an instant attraction to him.

He was not my type at all. Raised in a strict Muslim family, I always expected to meet someone with a similar background. He was white and definitely not a Muslim.

I tried my best to push away my attraction for him, but it felt like a huge magnet was pulling me towards him. After a couple of months, he finally asked me out.

We got married over a year later. We did face obstacles due to our different backgrounds, but that’s a story for another day.

Before this, I was chronically single, but I cannot tell you how much my life has changed since then. It is completely different and so much better than I ever thought it would be.

I will show you all the steps I took to manifest him into my life so keep reading.

STEP 1 - MAKE A LIST OF ATTRIBUTES

The first thing I did to attract my husband, was I made a list of 10 attributes that were important to me in a partner.

So get a pen and paper out and write down 10 things that are important to you in a partner.

Things that were important to me were attributes like, a great sense of humour, being financially independent, emotionally stable, to be taller than me.

Once you have written 10 attributes, go through your list and determine which ones are the most important. Cross out 5 of them that are the least important.

The 5 remaining attributes are the absolute dealbreakers, the things that you must have in a partner. If you are struggling to reach 5 then start to compromise with yourself a little.

So now that you have 5 remaining, this will help you to start seeing things differently. Stick this list up on the wall or on your vision board, or even on the bathroom mirror.

Remind yourself daily that your future husband is going to have these qualities.

STEP 2 - READ BOOKS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS

The next thing I did was read. I read a lot of books about how people meet, what a healthy relationship looks like. I even read about divorce and the types of things that make people split up.

The best thing I read was a book called Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, about the attachment theory and compatibility.

They talk about different personality types that can be detected from childhood, and their emotional attachments as they grow up.

I began to understand myself more and the type of emotional personality I was looking for in a relationship.

For instance, I wanted somebody who was a healthy emotional type compared to me, who is more of an attached type.

Knowing this helped me to become clearer in my mind, which essentially helped me to manifest easier since I gained so much clarity about what I was looking for.

Go ahead and read books about relationships, that will be a massive way to commit to this journey of manifesting someone.

What do you fear the most about relationships? Whatever it is, there will be a book about it and how to overcome it. Read articles online as part of your education towards manifesting your dream man.

STEP 3 - FORGIVE PAST RELATIONSHIPS

Because I was able to understand myself more objectively, I was able to justify my past actions and why I acted the way I did. I was also able to justify the other parties’ actions too.

And because I was able to do this, it became easy to finally forgive myself. I forgave myself for being naive, for being so emotional and I allowed myself to move on and meet somebody better.

Go through your past relationships and see which emotions keep popping up. You don’t necessarily have to forgive the other person, but make a decision to put it behind you so that you can move on.

Forgive yourself for not knowing better, for doing all the things you did and for all the things you didn’t do.

If you are struggling with this, be sure to check out this video by Ashley Nord on how to forgive yourself.

STEP 4 - REMOVE ALL RESISTANCE TO FINDING LOVE

This one is a biggie and can singlehandedly change your life instantly. It goes hand in hand with the last step. But it is more about negative thoughts and removing limiting beliefs.

I had too many fears and I believed that I just wasn’t good enough. If you personally have this fear then be sure to read my blog post I Am Enough.

It will help you to start believing in yourself and realise that you are a better human being than you think you are.

I began to tell myself that I was worthy of finding love and that my future husband would love being with me.

I removed the image in my mind that he had to be a certain type, and instead I focused on meeting a decent man with a good heart, along with all my other attributes.

I didn’t care about the colour of his skin or his religious background anymore. If it mattered it would have been on my list, but for me personally, I realised that I just didn’t care.

So think about your fears and some of the things that might be stopping you from manifesting a relationship.

Is there an image in your mind about what your future husband looks like? Or are you holding on to a past relationship hoping that they will come back in your life?

If so, this may be the very thing stopping you from meeting somebody new.

STEP 5 - BE PATIENT AND WAIT

I have found that when I am patient, I tend to manifest faster. When I think about wanting something instantly, I usually somehow push the very thing I want, away from me.

Becoming too attached to the outcome is something I have struggled with my entire life. It is a skill to let things go and let it come to you.

I didn’t meet my husband for a year after I started my own journey, but that was because I was living in another country and I was in transition to come back.

When I did come back, I met my husband a few months later. It was as if I needed to be back here to meet him. But because I had so much going on, I was too distracted to think about being in a relationship.

They always say that you will meet somebody when you are busy doing other things. I tried to do this to the best of my ability, but in the corner of my eye I was always on the lookout.

And when you are holding on to a lot of fears and limiting beliefs, being busy will only attract the wrong person anyway.

There is a fine line between letting go and being open and receptive. By doing the inner work you are being open and receptive and by letting go you are allowing the universe to do its job.

Namaste

[bellmo15-blog]

I've Lost My Passion For Writing

The title of this journal isn’t a joke. I have seriously started to lose my passion that I once had for writing.

I’m sure by now a lot of you have noticed I haven’t been writing any stories of any kind. Or at least anything substantial. You could say that those two stories I have shared about those really awkward plays I saw as a child or the only time I’ve ever actually gotten to play on a real Gamecube while in hospital count as stories but those are more just me retelling events form my past that have stuck with me. And there’s a good reason I haven’t been writing a lot. I’ve HAVE tried to write proper stories. About my OC’s, about fictional characters I like, but I always never get very far into it and sometimes just stop entirely or get distracted by other things I have more fun doing. And there’s a good reason for THAT two. I just haven’t been enjoying writing as much. It’s one of those things I have slowly been coming to terms with a lot recently. In fact the only long form things I’ve even managed to get written up the past few months have both been satirical and if you couldn’t tell from how I wrote those, my way of venting about how modern critics are obsessed with hyperbole and being overly angry and also poking fun at that “Nintendo has FORGOTTEN about Super Mario” video because nothing say’s Nintendo has “””forgotten””” a property like releasing so many games in that franchise in the Switches now almost 7 year life cycle.

To give you an idea of just how bad this has been, the last story about one of my OC’s I wrote was back in April of last year. It was a parody of the Peaches song from the Super Mario Bros movie but sung from the perspective of my girl Mikaela and she was singing about Nessa from Pokemon Sword and Shield as I do have the two in a relationship and loved that part from the film. And before that the last proper full story I wrote was in September of 2022 of Tom Nook from Animal Crossing finally being fed up with some people not paying off their loans at all and taking action tasking my sona Michael with collecting the debt from one of those residents who originally started as a joke OC I made for an April Fools day joke. That’s a pretty big gap to have as someone who is a writer which is actually why I originally tried experimenting with Micro Stories at first since they were only about like two or three paragraphs long and didn’t take much effort out of me. But even those I started to fall out of wanting to do.

So why have I stopped having a passion for something I use to love doing ever since I first started on DA? Well, it’s not for one single reason but actually a couple.

1; I’ve started to find it boring! No matter what I want to write, no matter how much I love the idea and no matter how much free time I end up getting so that I can do a lot of writing, usually about like 5 or 10 mins in I get board of writing and more often than not I end up thinking to myself “I would honestly rather be playing video games or watching a show I’ve been meaning to watch.” Plus, I can only write “this character said this” or describe what someone looks like or is wearing so much before I get bored.

2; Written work is something I’ve always struggled with anyway. I grew up on TV and video games and very little written stuff which might sound ironic coming from me but it’s true. I once tried reading one of the Harry Potter books as a child and I got one chapter in before thinking to myself “I’d honestly rather be watching the movie that’s based off this book.” Hell, I even tried reading the in game books in Skyrim but when I did I would always go “I’m spending my time in this game doing THIS instead of going on an epic and exciting quest?” The only time as a child I’ve ever read a book all the way though that wasn’t one of those ones that only had like two short paragraphs on each page and was like 15 pages long was in 2009 when a friend let me read an old Choose Your Own Adventure styled Super Mario book but that only because it was on a school trip, we were on a long train ride that took several hours and we weren’t allowed to bring our handheld games systems with us so there was practically nothing else to do. It’s a problem I have been trying to fix for many years and sometimes I do read stories on DA when I get the chance, but written works just always been something I’ve struggled with even as a child.

I mentioned before that this is an issue that my passion for this has been dwindling for a while and I’ve tried to find ways to get around this. At first it was writing little short stories to attach to my pics. I was mainly inspired to do this by the likes of other’s like IncredibleIntruder who like me is into hypnosis and especially belly dancing but also puts little short stories in the descriptions of the stuff he commissions and uploads to his page and still continues to do so to this day. I HAD experimented with this kind of stuff before coming across there content but it wasn't until I started seeing some of there commissions I really started to take my stories for my pics seriously. And I’d continue to do this for a lot of my commissions as well. Even if it was a pic the artist didn’t give me permission to upload like with that Symbiote Shantae and Rottytops pic I’d still write a story for it! And eventually, I just only wrote up a short synopsis of what happened in leading up to what we see in a pic in its description because I wasn’t having any fun with these stories anymore. Which again, sucks that I feel that way because I do think about this stuff a lot. Especially the pics based around my self insert sona, something I’m extremely proud to have created, because the whole reason that exists was born of decades of me having a hyper active imagination and always imagining myself actually in the worlds of the games I play, especially ones that let you play as customized characters such as Wii Sports Resort or Mario Kart Wii, and making up my own little Kingdom Hearts styled crossover universe but wasn’t just relegated to stuff belonging to a single property… And also the lore not being a headache to get used to.

For example, the pic of my sona becoming an Ankha Drone I had this whole story planned out while it was getting worked on of them walking into Ankha suddenly in their home on their island with two other Ankha Drones and would be the ones converting my sona into one of them. Then there’s the one of them in the coils of Naga Shantae which would have been right after an encounter with Risky Boots and both my sona and Shantae being very exhausted and Shantae offering some nice and snug coil hugs until we were both ready to head home. And the Techno Drone pic where the story would of involved them knowing about SuperTechno (the artist of that pic who’s sona turns characters into fembots) hypnotizing ladies into being his Fembots while still extending it to males, not being aware of the fact that many of the Fembots in Techno’s army were kidnapped, asking if he could allow himself to be a drone with one of the main reasons he wants this and allows himself to be hypnotized a fair bit is because of not having the best mental state, something I obviously am implying I sometimes have and this was my way of projecting onto them. Similarly, the Ashour Drone pic I got of my sona was going to have a story of them finding Shantae as an Ashour Drone and confused on why she’s the way she is which leads him back to Ammer (again, artist of that pic and who’s sona is a freelance hypnotist hypnotising willing people into being his Ashour Drones) and after looking into him and his drones a bit more offering to be one of his Ashour Drones for a similar reason to the Techno Drone one. Even my most recent pic of my Genie AU sona with Urbosa I tried to write a whole story of her originally finding the lamp and the two of them exchanging some dialogue before using hypnosis on her to influence her wish for a massage.

And yes, this applies to Mikaela pics as well. The collab I got with Violet Scales featuring both our OC’s I wanted to write a story of Mikaela stumbling upon a snake basket housing Jermisha during one of Mikaela’s erotic photoshoots as an explanation as to why she was already dressed in bedlah to begin with. The pic of Naga Mikaela mummified I wanted to write a story of her trying to surprise attack Eliza from Skullgirls to potentially add to her harem but backfiring and resulting in Naga Mikaela mummified by Eliza and coupled with some taunting from the 1000 year old Egyptian Vampire followed by her telling the Naga that she’s going to make a great display peace for her place. Even the pic of Naga Mikaela with Sharah I considered writing a story about her finding Sharah’s ring and putting it on not knowing that there was a cute genie girl inside and that’s how they met.

Hell, even writing this I struggled with doing and the only reason I pushed though was because it felt wrong to not have any new full-length stories without giving an explanation on why. Now at this point I’m sure a lot of you would be saying “Oh there’s an easy solution for this. Just use something like ChatBotGT or some other AI program to do the stories for you! Does all the work and gives you more time to do other things.” But I hope you NEVER fucking said that because telling me to use a style of generative content, which is notorious for being built of stealing other people’s work and passing it off as something ‘original’ just to get over my own lost desire to write is fucking stupid! Honestly, I think the better and more healthy option for me is to just stick with what I’ve been doing for the last few pics. Short descriptions and a brief summery that still add’s lore to my characters if needed. That might disappoint a lot of you who followed me solely for the writing but let me ask you this. What do you think is more important? Me forcing myself to slog though writing a story I’m not having fun writing and even if I do finish it my reaction will be more of a “thank God that’s over” reaction than any sort of positive one or doing shorter stuff that doesn’t take as much time to do and I know most people probably don’t even read anyway (sadly) so I can focus on what I enjoy more?

In fairness I knew this would happen eventually, because how many stories have you heard of creators who have lost their drive and motivation for what they enjoy doing? Need an example? How about Hideo Kojima who didn’t even want to work on Metal Gear Solid 4 originally because he just didn’t have the same passion for this franchise as he did once and the only reason he even agreed to work on 4 in the end was because of all the death threats he got from fans? Or how we almost got a new Jak and Daxter game in between the release of Uncharted 2 and The Last of Us but it ended up being cancelled because no one at Naughty Dog felt any motivation to make a new Jak game and they literally went “Are we really doing this because we want to or because of marketing reasons?” Or how about Geroge Lucas having to put up with so much hate and harassment from Star Wars fans though out the 2000’s just because of how he was telling the story that he created to the point where it just wasn’t fun for him anymore and gladly sold the franchise to Disney when offered without a second thought. (And before any revisionist historians try to comment “umm, no actually! That’s not it! Your just being a Disney apologist!” Clearly you don’t remember what George Lucas said in an interview one time before months before the Disney buy out. “Why would I make any more, when everybody yells at you all the time and says what a horrible person you are” anyone?)

So yeah, I’m sorry if this is sad news to anyone. But because I lack the passion I once had you really shouldn’t expect any new long stories for a good long while.

[julykings-blog]

okay guys it's been a while since i posted a blog here in tmblr, this blog is about my story of while i'm staying here in my mom's and sisters house, as you can see guys my previous blog was i got robbed at the beach where i tried to go for fun but unfortunately i was robbed by bad people, then i went to my mom's and sisters house since I don't have a choice where i should go and maybe this is Gods way, i was almost living here for about almost a month now all i did was sleeping and watching movies reading manga, and checking for an online job but i feel like i don't want to commit to any jobs right now since i have lack of money and i didn't feel physical and mentally well and i'm thinking about my mom as well if i left who will look for her she's getting older now. i am also worried about my health and what if i got sick again since i have diabetis,

Actually while I'm typing this blog i have a fever and cold, i feel so weak at the same time i feel guilty by not doing anything in my moms and sisters house, i feel useless,

These past few days i met a girl named Gloria on Facebook, She was a cryptocurrency trader a half japanese girl i like her appearance she has everything i like about a girl, cute and beautiful and she has a stable job and a professional graphic designer, we chatted for about a month then we both want to have in relationship since we have the same bad experience in relationship i thought she will understand me until, at first we are good we share our problems and my problems too we are both empathetic to each other which make me fall to her but since i have been on a lot of relationship it is not new if she will left me,

Then suddenly the kind and understanding girl was changed in an instance, she forced me to find a job though i know that she is correct that i need to secure our future since we promise to each other to get marry once we settled everything and she will tried to visit me and i told her i will visit her as well on Cebu since we have different province im in Bataan province and she came from Cebu province but i felt that it is not the time yet, Then she tried to teach me on how to do trade with the permission of her uncle then when she asked me to bet i said I don't have money then she tried to insist though she said she will send me one thousand and the rest I'll find a way to atleast learn and do trade, i said that it is not the right time but she still insisting and forcing me but i felt a little bit mad since she's not listening, then we ended up fighting and argued about my current situation,

She belittled me and humiliated me i felt oppressed, she humiliated me from my situation and she said if I don't do anything right now she will break up with me, she said I'm depending on my mom though i already told her why i went to my mom since i was robbed, then I don't want to accept the fact that this is another mistake relationship, I don't have a choice now..

But to let her go, without a second thought, Base in my past relationships I'm really afraid to lose someone they always left me due to my situation in life but now I don't want to force anything i knew that i already did my best they what I'm thinking is if they want to leave just leave if they want to stay then stay, I don't have any energy to fight for someone to stay since i experience many heart breaks before, this time i don't want to fight or chase or sacrifice, I believe that if the girl really love you she will accept you and help you no matter what though i know that she is right i feel useless i still don't have a job but i know in the right time everything will be alright,

If time comes that i recover from my health and become mentally fit I'll find a job as soon as possible, while at home i read many books, history and practicing english, but i need time, jobless is not a valid reason to leave your boyfriend or your love one in this difficult time she is not the right girl to keep, though most of the girls wants a guy who have stable job and good income but i already told her everything before she make promises and commitment and she said she will not going to leave me no matter what happen but she lied so i decided to let her go but i still believe that there's still a girl that will accept your situation and help you to grow and she will stay untill you succeed that's the true love,

But if there's none I don't know, my mind was just floating right now,i know that she is right but if she can't wait then she is free to find someone else,

I told her I don't deserve her i don't know but I don't have regrets losing someone since this happened many times in my life my heart get numb.

What i want now is to spend time with my family though i felt guilty and felt pity but there's always time for everything, since i never went home for years, When i left i experienced a lot of troubles and my health became detrimental this is all because of willingness to become financially freedom and financially independent, i want to replenish i want to regain my strength and motivated and i want to condition myself i felt depress before so i wanna make sure that i could use my wings again to fly before i decided to find job again and fight for my future.

#mylifestories

#gettingnumb

[mydeadmanstale]

Some fun facts from the Night at The Museum book

I assume this book is based on the original script of the movie so some of these may not be canon to the movies

• there are beetles on exhibit

• larry dropped out of college

• larry has a criminal record from a workplace mishap

• larry found rexy while he was headed to the bathroom

• the museum covers dental

•the western diorama is actually Utah

• it’s confirmed that Jedediah is indeed Jedediah Strong Smith

• the museum is dedicated to Teddy Roosevelt

• larry has never had a job for more than 4 months

• nicky is 10 in the first movie

• rebecca understands hieroglyphics and has tried to figure out the tablet before

• larry doesn’t understand metaphors

• larry hates the feeling of ties around his neck

• the key Reginald copied was larry’s house key

• larry uses the stockade as a threat against octavius

• Larry literally gives jedediah and octavius marriage counseling

• octavius and presumably the other dioramas have two conflicting thoughts, their own, and the ones of the people they are models of

• larry hates asking for help

• teddy interchanges pretty and handsome and does not care about the gender of who he’s complimenting

• larry can’t understand tone

• the tablet talks when it comes alive and says “Thor. Horus. Ra.”

• ahkmenesh was gagged inside his coffin

• the whale in the ocean exhibit is female

• the miniatures ended up flattening all 4 tires

• lewis and clark make it on the bus and do not come back, explaining their absence in the other films

•some of the exhibits feel both cold and pain but others do not

• ahkmenrah can’t read

• larry skipped class a lot

• the ending dance party scene takes place a year after the night they saved the tablet

[chvoswxtch]

let me let you go

pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader, slight peter parker x fem!reader

summary: years have passed since bucky barnes broke your heart, but what happens after he shows up when you're finally on the cusp of moving on?

warnings: cursing, LOTS of angst, bucky being an ass, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sexual content (minors dni)

word count: 7.4k

a/n: fun fact: this was the first fic I ever wrote, but was too scared to post it. it's a dumpster fire that's been sitting in my drafts FOREVER. I wrote this with andrew garfield's peter parker in mind, but feel free to read this with the spidey of your choosing! yes taylor is based off taylor swift, don't come for me. no one helps you through a heartbreak like blondie. as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

Have you ever been hit with such an intense gust of emotion, it knocks the breath out of you? Do you know what it’s like to truly be rendered breathless? I used to think that was an exaggeration for theatrics. In books and movies, when someone claims to be “breathless”, it always felt like a gesture from someone with a flair for dramatics. Which arguably, I was. 

When I was in kindergarten, I fell from the monkey bars. I convinced myself it was only ten bars across, and not that high off the ground. All I had to do was keep my head up. All the other kids could do it, so why couldn’t I? I made it to bar three when my fingers slipped and I fell flat on my back. I got that nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach as I was falling, and as I hit the ground beneath me, it was like the impact of the fall had forced out my last breath. I couldn’t breathe. I started to panic, which made it even worse. I remember a group of kids circling around me, staring. I must have looked like a fish out of water, eyes bulging and gasping for air. It wasn’t long before a set of large, weathered hands grabbed me by the shoulders to lift me up. 

“You’re alright, kiddo. Just got the wind knocked out of ya, that’s all. Here, have a seat. Want me to call your mom? Or are you gonna be tough, kiddo?”

My kindergarten gym teacher wasn’t exactly gifted in the nurturing department, but he challenged me to be tough, and I wasn’t going to look like a baby in front of my whole class. Also if I had told my mom, she wouldn’t have let me go near the playground during recess for the foreseeable future. I never tried to do the monkey bars again, but I also never forgot what that feeling was like. For the next twenty or so years, I tried to evade any situation that could conjure that feeling again, and I was nearly successful.

Until I saw him again. 

It had been two years. Two, very long years since I had seen him in person. I was enjoying myself at an overly crowded Christmas party, sipping on a chilled flute of Prosecco and scanning the crowd for any indication of what direction my best friend had wandered off in, when a pair of familiar steel blue eyes captured my attention. I had to blink several times to make sure I wasn’t imagining him. A twisted apparition conjured from deep within my subconscious. A shock jolted through me and I froze, all of a sudden feeling too exposed amongst the condensed crowd. I didn’t want him to see me. I got that intrusive feeling of nausea in the pit of my stomach, like I was falling again. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t even hardly breathe. The emerald velvet dress I was wearing suddenly felt suffocating and heat spread a mile a second all over my body. As soon as I found my footing, I dashed towards one of the balconies to escape into the relief of December in New York City.

I could hardly feel the snow flurries that made a temporary home across my thighs. I couldn’t even hear the party inside over the relentless pounding in my chest that echoed in my ears. My throat felt so dry that I downed the last of my drink in a flash and felt it starting to bubble around in my lower stomach. I had worked so hard on myself the past year to get over him, to convince myself that I was over him. I had almost fooled myself. I didn’t cry anymore when I heard someone mention his name. I didn’t feel an ache in my chest when I happened to see a photo of him on tv or scrolling through my phone. I didn’t break down when I discovered another lingering piece of him in my apartment. I hadn’t even thought about him for months. But one look at him, and a tsunami of nostalgia crashed over me mercilessly. Everything came rushing back and I felt imprisoned beneath the debris.

Rather than feeling sad, I was mostly fueled with anger. Who the hell did he think he was, showing up at MY best friend’s Christmas party? He knew I would be here. Two years of radio silence, and he decides to show up out of the blue, like nothing had ever happened. Maybe he doesn’t realize I’m here. He clearly completely forgot that I even existed to him. My anger slowly dissipated into melancholia at that thought. I hadn’t forgotten him. No matter how hard I tried to. I remembered everything. 

I remembered the way he made me feel the first time he smiled at me and offered his hand. I remembered how he liked his coffee. I remembered the little creases that formed on his forehead and the way he poked his tongue out between his lips when he was concentrating really hard on something. I remembered how warm his body was when he held me as close as physically possible every night. I remembered every kiss he pressed to my forehead in the mornings when he thought I was still sleeping. I remembered holding his head against my chest when he had a nightmare, coaxing him back into a peaceful slumber with my heartbeat and gentle words. I remembered tracing all of his scars with my lips, the dizzying sensation of a cold trail being left by metal fingers on my skin only to be soothed by the warmth of his flesh hand. I remembered when we couldn’t keep our hands off each other, and I was made painfully, but delectably, aware just how much stamina came with being a super soldier. I remembered the way his eyes crinkled and closed when he laughed with his entire chest. I remembered dancing around the kitchen to Frank Sinatra in the middle of the night, when we dreamed about our futures together and talked about what we would name our kids. But mostly, I remembered the night he took all of it back without a second thought, just a half-assed excuse, and left me to pick up all the pieces. Alone.

I’ve always been a very independent person. I’ve never felt like I could truly ever depend on anyone except myself. I didn’t think I would ever let go and let myself ever rely on another person. But I did with him. I broke all my own rules. I couldn’t sleep if he wasn’t in bed with me. I didn’t know what to do with myself if he wasn’t around. I didn’t know who else to call for emergencies, or to reach something on a high shelf. I built a home within him, and when it was all ripped away, I didn’t recognize myself. This person that had become so needy and so desperate for someone else’s affection, so recklessly vulnerable. I didn’t know if I would ever get back to myself again. And just when I felt like she was still there, just within reach, it all came crashing down like a house of cards.

Ten minutes ago I was a girl filled with renewed hope. I was happy with who I was becoming, and where my life was going. I was in New York City with my best friend, a city I’ve always adored and dreamed of calling home. I was admiring how beautiful everything was decorated for Christmas time, and how bright all the lights seemed to shine. I was beginning to believe in magic again, and I was finding it in little places. Looking down on the street beneath me, I envied the people below. Their ex-boyfriend hadn’t just walked into their best friend’s Christmas party looking like he stepped off a fucking runway and ruined their entire evening. Their evenings were still happy and full of magic. 

“Aren’t you cold out here?”

That voice dragged me out of my daze, and I was immediately unpleasantly aware of just how cold it was outside. My fingers felt like they were frozen in place wrapped around the champagne glass. I didn’t have to turn around to know who that voice belonged to. I would recognize it anywhere. 

“No.”

I could hear the snow crunching beneath his stupid fancy shoes, his voice a little clearer now that he was getting closer. A breathy chuckle sounded in the back of his throat and it made my stomach flip.

“You do realize I know you better than that, right? You’re telling me a girl that insists on wearing fuzzy socks in the summertime isn’t freezing out here in a dress like…that.”

I don’t know if it was the alcohol that gave me liquid courage or the anger that began to seethe in my stomach, but I had the intense urge to turn and slap the stupid smirk off his face I knew was plastered right across his mouth. I always wondered what would happen when I saw him again. How I would feel, what I would do, what he would do. 

Inhaling a deep breath to steady my nerves, I carefully turned my head. I tried my hardest to tame my facial features when I stared at him, trying to appear indifferent. I didn’t want him to know how affected I was by his presence. My treasonous eyes couldn’t help quickly wandering up and down his form though, and I couldn’t deny to myself how good he looked in that black suit. His hair was a little longer than when I had last seen him, and there was dark stubble coating his sharp jawline. He still wore the same cologne I loved, and the scent seemed to fill the air around me. It was intoxicating. 

“Actually, you don’t know me. Not anymore. Second of all, there’s nothing wrong with my dress. If I want to wear a dress like this, I will, and I don’t need back handed comments from someone who’s opinion doesn’t matter. Third of all, who the fuck invited you?”

The sly smirk he initially wore quickly disappeared into a stony frown. That clearly wasn’t the reaction he was expecting. I took pride in the displeased look on his face. Emitting a deep sigh through his nose, he took another step forward and slid both of his hands into his pockets along with a light shrug.

“Sam brought me as his plus one.”

Tilting my head back, I rolled my eyes and let out a dry laugh. He hated when I rolled my eyes, so I made it extra dramatic. I traded the champagne flute into my other hand and attempted to fix the front of my dress where it had ridden up my thighs, not missing the way his eyes instantly dropped to watch my movements.

“Of course he fucking did. Traitor.”

“Are we really gonna do this? Are you really gonna act like this right now? Can’t you be a little more mature, doll?”

I couldn’t help the laugh that bellowed from my chest, wearing a smile that surely looked maniacal. His cavalier attitude was quickly wearing down the limited patience I had with his presence.

“Are you fucking kidding me? Be more “mature”? Fuck you, James. What did you expect from me, huh? Did you think you could just show up after all this time and I would smile and welcome you with open fucking arms? I know you’re not that stupid. But if you truly believed that, just know that the disappointment you feel isn’t even an ounce of the disappointment I felt realizing you were not the man I thought you were.”

There was a glimmer of betrayal in his eyes and I knew my venomous words had stung him. But he deserved it. I knew for a fact my words didn’t hurt nearly as bad as his had. He hated it when I called him by his full name, something I usually reserved for when I was angry with him. I couldn’t believe he had the audacity to call me immature. One of the bullshit excuses he gave me when we broke up was that our age difference was too much. It took almost two years for our ages to be “too much”. It was never a problem until he made it a problem. I knew that wasn’t really the reason as soon as the words left his mouth. I knew he was lying. I knew he was grasping at straws for a reason to give up that didn’t make him look like an asshole. I knew there was something he wasn’t telling me. Or maybe he just picked a reason because he didn’t actually have one, and saying I was immature was more gentle than admitting he didn’t love me anymore. That was an internal debate I was not getting into again.

I didn’t give him a chance to answer before heading back inside towards the party, hunting for the culprit of my now ruined night. It wasn’t hard to spot Sam in the crowd since he was usually the life of the party, all bright eyes and charming smiles. Under any other circumstances, I would’ve been elated to see him. It had been months since I had seen Sam, and I had missed having him around so much. But Sam and Bucky were a package deal. They were partners now which meant wherever Sam was, Bucky wasn’t far behind. I couldn’t go visit Sam when he was home because Bucky was there. I couldn’t call Sam when he was away because Bucky and his goddamn super hearing were either right beside him or in the next room. Losing Bucky had meant losing Sam too. Before the rational part of my brain could take over, I was standing in front of him and harshly pulling him down by his striped tie to be down closer to my level. 

“Samuel. Tell me you didn’t invite James as your plus one so I don’t have a reason to hit you.”

“Man, you know how hard it is to be a child of divorce? I always gotta choose between you two. It ain’t fair. We all got the same friends, you know. It was bound to happen. Don’t mean you gotta place all the blame on me for it, Y/N/N.”

“Yes, it was probably bound to happen at some point. But you made it happen now. And you didn’t even warn me!”

“Because I thought you wouldn’t care! Look, you were the one saying that you had gotten over everything. That you were cool now. So, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Y/N come on, you can’t avoid Bucky forever. Besides, I thought you’d be too distracted by your date to even notice he was here.”

“What date?”

Both Sam and I turned our heads towards Bucky’s voice, but his icy gaze seemed to be only fixated on me. That same glimmer of betrayal flickered against the steel blue of his eyes. Even after decades of training to perfect a poker face, anger was the one emotion his features always seemed to give away.

“None of your business. Look Sam, can you just keep a short leash on your guest. This is a party, but I’m still working. I don’t need you two shitheads making a scene. I don’t care if you are Captain America and the Winter Soldier. You ruin tonight for me, and there will not be a planet in any neighboring solar system you can hide on. And he is not my date.”

“You keep telling yourself that, Y/N/N. Don’t worry, I’ll keep Buck company.”

I didn’t even dare look at Bucky after Sam’s comment, but my cheeks were as red as the ruby ornaments decorated across the grand Christmas tree in the corner of the room. Bucky always struggled with jealousy, whether he would admit it or not. It always amazed me, how a man like that could be jealous of anyone. I wasn’t naive, I knew there were men that looked at me when we went places, and a few of them even tried to approach me when Bucky would get up to go to the bathroom or grab us more drinks. But I only ever had eyes for him. He was the only thing that mattered to me. I was so in love with him, it never even registered that there were other people around us when we were together. I tried so hard to get him to understand that. Maybe I had failed.

I decided to kick it up a notch at the bar and ordered a double shot of tequila with my next round of Prosecco. I wasn’t trying to get drunk, but I did need to take the edge off with Bucky being here. I pulled out my phone and typed a quick text to my best friend, Taylor. I couldn’t spot her fulfilling her ‘host’ duties. Where the fuck did she go?

“There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you. You look incredible.”

As soon as I turned around, I was met with a familiar pair of deep honey colored eyes and a charming grin. I instantly felt a little more at ease and offered a genuine smile when I was wrapped into a warm hug. 

“Peter, you made it! You clean up pretty nicely. I wasn’t sure if you owned anything that wasn’t flannel.”

Peter was my coworker, but was also technically my boss. From the moment we met, we hit it off really well. We had a lot in common, we worked well together, and he was all around a really easy going guy. Taylor and Sam had a bet going on when we would sleep together. I had to admit, I had thought about it. I mean he was very attractive, and funny. Sometimes I thought he was flirting with me, but most of the time I convinced myself that was just his personality. He was friendly to everyone, and could be a bit of a flirt, especially if he had been drinking. But he never crossed a line. And besides, he was my boss, and I wanted to keep my job. It was the only one I had ever had that I truly loved.

“Easy, easy. Dress code is business casual, alright. Not everyone walks around looking like they stepped off a Vogue photoshoot.”

He threw me a playful wink, and I would be lying if I said that didn’t do something to me. Maybe it was the alcohol finally hitting. Or maybe I just really missed sex with something that wasn’t battery operated. Or both. But I simply smiled and rolled my eyes, tilting my head slightly.

“You know I thought most guys that worked in photography had a closet full of cardigans, cable knit sweaters, some suspenders here and there, maybe even a fedora or two. But I guess when you’re head of the department, Mets gear and H&M Couture suffice.”

I loved Peter’s laugh. It reminded me of being a kid, laughing at something with your whole chest. Eyes closed, head thrown back. Peter’s laugh always made me laugh. It reminded me of Bucky’s. There was just something warm about him. People gravitated towards him, loved being in his presence, including me.

“Hey, you be gentle with my Mets alright. And what’s wrong with H&M Couture?”

“Nothing, nothing at all. You’re the boss, Mr. Parker.”

We both stared at each other for a moment. I’ve never called him Mr. Parker since my interview when he advised me to call him Peter moving forward. There was a look in his eyes I had never seen before, and his tongue darted out quickly to wet his lips. I suddenly felt a little embarrassed at how I must have come off. Flashing him a quick smile, I reached for my double shot of tequila and downed it. There was a slight burn at the back of my throat and my lower stomach flooded with warmth, but I welcomed it. I picked up my glass and took a sip, brushing my hair off my shoulder.

“So, um, have you seen Taylor? I haven’t seen her in awhile, and she’s not answering her phone.”

“Don’t worry, blondie’s probably just making her rounds. It’s her party after all.”

“I know, I just..needed to talk to her about something. That’s all.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, no no, everything’s fine. Just..um girl stuff. That’s all.”

“Oh, so I’m excluded from that? Little sexist, don’t you think?”

Rolling my eyes, I lightly pushed at his shoulder with a giggle and took another sip of my drink. The bartender slid a tall draft over towards Peter which he graciously accepted.

“Shut up. Your gender has nothing to do with it, it’s your title. I can’t unload my drama on the guy that signs my checks.”

“Technically, I don’t sign your checks. That’s way above my paygrade.”

Peter shot me another playful wink, wrapping his long fingers around the glass and raising it up to his lips to take a generous sip. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed, and I had to quickly avert my eyes from staring at his neck. God I needed to get laid. The alcohol began to simmer in my veins and I had to pull it together before I dug a hole I couldn’t get out of.

“You..know what I mean.”

I was hoping anyone that looked at me, including Peter, would think the rose tint to my cheeks was purely from alcohol consumption. 

“Look, I realize that technically I am above you, but we’re both off the clock, and not at the office. So right now, don’t think of me as Peter your boss, but Peter your friend. If you got something you wanna get off your chest, I’m all ears.”

There was an intensity swirling around in his gaze that I had never seen before, and for a second I thought I saw his eyes drop down to my lips. Before I could respond, Taylor suddenly appeared in front of us with a dazzling, toothy grin on her ruby painted lips.

“Pete, you made it! I’m glad I found you, Mr. Jameson is here and he’s asking for you. He’s over by the dessert table.”

“Shit, come on T. I thought this was a party, not a networking event? You know I can’t stand that asshole.”

“Relax, he just wants to say hi. I think. He mentioned something about pictures of Spider-Man, but I warned him no shop talk tonight.”

Peter begrudgingly downed the rest of his beer, giving the two of us a dissatisfied glare before stalking off towards the direction of the dessert table. 

“Go get ‘em, tiger!”

Taylor and I shared a knowing grin, bursting into a fit of giggles. Her taupe brows knit together for a moment as she eyed the empty shot glass beside me.

“Tequila already?”

For a second I was confused, before my gaze caught up with hers. It took me a moment to register why I had asked for the shot in the first place. Flashes of Bucky popped into my head, and the smile instantly disappeared from my lips. I turned slowly in my seat to stare up at Taylor who was already looking at me in question.

“You invited Sam.”

“Yeah..you like Sam?”

“I do like Sam. I don’t like Bucky.”

“Well neither do I. What does that have to do with Sam?”

“Take a lucky guess to who he invited as his plus one.”

Taylor’s cheerful demeanor melted into an expression of disdain. Her baby blues darkened like a sky before a storm, and there was a hardened edge to her usual sweet voice.

“He did what.”

“He..thought I wouldn’t care. Said it was gonna happen eventually. I guess it is my fault. I did say I was over him.”

I placed my palm against the side of my face, leaning over the bar as I swirled my glass in front of me in slow circles. I could hear Taylor sigh as she sat down beside me, motioning to the bartender for a drink of her own.

“Even if you were, that doesn’t mean he has to parade him around in front of you knowing what he did.”

“He’s his best friend, T. He came first.”

“Yeah well, now they’re both on my shit list.”

My mouth split into a wide grin as I looked over at Taylor. I was so grateful for her. After everything that had happened with Bucky, I was a fucking wreck. A shell of who I used to be. I don’t know how I would have even found the strength to move forward without her. She raised her glass up to mine, and I tapped mine against hers in a silent toast.

“First you two pawn me off to that dickhead, and now you’re drinking without me? You’re both fired.”

“I thought we were off the clock?”

Peter narrowed his eyes at me, crossing his arms across his chest with his lips pursed into a slight pout. After a moment of contemplation, he took the glass from my hand and downed the rest of its contents.

“Fine. You’re not fired. But you’re both getting your own coffee Monday morning.”

Taylor slid her glass over towards me after taking another sip, raising from her seat and smoothing out her dress. 

“I’ll be right back. There’s someone I need to talk to.”

She sent me a knowing look, flashing Peter a quick smile before getting lost in the crowd again. He looked over at me quizzically, but I brushed it off with a wave. I knew she was hunting down Sam, and for a moment I felt bad for him. Taylor’s wrath was not for the faint of heart. Sobering thoughts of Bucky were canceling out the buzz from the tequila and I felt tired. I wanted nothing more than to go home and be alone.

“Hey uh, you wanna dance?”

“You dance?”

“Well..not really. But I swear on the Mets winning the World Series, which will happen one day, that I won’t step on your toes. Or at least, I mean..I’ll try.”

Peter had stretched his hand out towards me, a warm smile covering his lips. I knew that I shouldn’t. I knew that despite my emotions being all over the place and having a tiny baby crush on my boss, I shouldn’t dance with him. I didn’t need to give anyone else a reason to think there was something between us. I didn’t want people thinking I got my position for any other reason than busting my ass and being good at my job. But Peter had that sweet look on his face, and I wanted to be held. Comforted. I wanted a small silver lining to this shitty night.

I let him take my hand and lead me to the middle of the dance floor. I placed one of my hands on his chest, still holding onto his other one as his other hand settled respectfully above my hip. He seemed a little nervous and I didn’t know if it was because of me or because he was holding back on what a terrible dancer he actually was. The thought caused a brief laugh to leave my lips and he looked down at me with furrowed brows.

“What?”

“Nothing I just..thinking.”

“About?”

“You’re not as bad of a dancer as I thought you would be.”

“Ouch. I’m gonna put my bruised ego aside for a second so you can tell me what you’re actually thinking about.”

I don’t know how he did it, but Peter could read me like a book. It was scary sometimes. He was almost as good at it as Bucky had been. It made me wonder if I really just was that transparent. I had known Peter for a little over two years. I had gotten the job right before Bucky and I had broken up. He had seen me at my worst. He had been there some nights when I was working late on a deadline and randomly broke down after thoughts of Bucky interrupted my focus. I don’t know if he knew the full extent of what was going on, he never pressed it or asked. He was just patient, kind, and understanding.

Peter never hesitated to offer extensions if he could tell I was struggling. He sent me home if he thought I was too overwhelmed and told me to take a break. He was encouraging if I felt like my work wasn’t my best. He looked out for me in ways he didn’t have to. I tried to ignore the feelings I had for him. I didn’t want to ruin our working relationship, or friendship in general. This job was too important to me. But being so close in his arms, it was getting harder to deny that there wasn’t something there. There were just too many uncertainties. I didn’t know if I felt this way just because he was there after Bucky when I was vulnerable, or if these feelings were organic. I also didn’t know how he felt, and there was no way to find out without ripping apart the boundary I had built.

“I’m thinking about pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple, with a garlic basted crust. And some nice, cold beer. The good kind, not that shit you drink. I’m thinking about how much longer I have to be proper and pleasant before Taylor lets me run away to the comfort of my couch where I don’t have to wear pants or look nice.”

“You do realize you’re not wearing pants now, right?”

“True. But this dress isn’t the most comfortable, and these heels are killing me.”

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, you do look beautiful. And I’m sure you look just as great on your couch, not all done up. Maybe even better. As far as your questionable pizza and beer choices, I can learn to live with those.”

I couldn’t handle the look in his eyes, not right now. My head was buzzing with a million thoughts and questions, and his eyes looked like a shot of whiskey I could get lost in. I laid my head on his shoulder, moving my arms up to wrap around his neck as I brought him in closer. Peter didn’t even hesitate to hold me against his chest, one of his hands shifting dangerously low on my back. He rested his head against mine, nuzzling his nose against my hair. To anyone watching, we probably looked like a couple. I should’ve cared. We both had a professional relationship to uphold. But I didn’t have it in me to care. I gave in completely to the comforting weight of his touch and the warmth of his presence. It had been so long since I had been held like this, I hadn’t realized how much I had been craving it.

“I know you hate when I refer to you as my boss, but I hope you know you’re the best boss I’ve ever had.”

“Because I buy you coffee every day and give you your pick on projects?”

“That’s definitely part of it. But no..it’s mainly just..because you care. You’ve always been um..very accommodating. I just appreciate everything you’ve done for me so..thank you.”

“Alcohol makes you sappy, you know that?”

I pulled back just enough to gently punch at his shoulder, giggling at his reaction of mock offense. His lips quickly curled into a wide grin as he rolled his eyes, his hands resuming their place on my waist.

“You ass! Here I am, pouring my heart out to you, and you make fun of me! That’s it. I’m calling HR first thing Monday morning.”

“Alright, alright! Sorry. I was joking. Sort of. Look um..you..you’ve been great, really. You blew me away in your interview, and you’ve only been all the more impressive ever since. I know you were uh..you know..going through a rough patch and all that but..it’s um..it’s just..it’s good to see you smile again, Y/N.”

There was a sudden shift in the air around us. This time I knew I wasn’t imagining it when I saw Peter glance down at my lips. I swallowed thickly, frantically searching my brain for something to say so I wasn’t standing there like an idiot. 

“I have to pee.”

“Alright…thank you for sharing.”

I groaned as I smacked my palm against my forehead, shaking my head slowly as I took a step back from Peter and looked up at him with a timid smile.

“I..sorry. I didn’t mean to just..I’ve had three glasses of champagne and a double shot of tequila. I’ll be right back, I promise.”

I didn’t wait for Peter’s response as I bolted towards the hallway where the bathrooms were. I didn’t actually have to go, but I needed a moment to myself. This night was spinning out of control faster than I had anticipated and I was struggling to keep up. I yelped as I felt a hand gripping onto my wrist, tugging me into an empty room and slamming the door shut behind them.

I was prepared to hurl a string of insults and punches at whatever asshole had dared to grab me before I turned around, only to be met with the sight of a very furious looking Bucky. His sharp jaw was set in a harsh line and his nostrils flared. The threats died in my throat at the furious look on his face.

“What the fuck was that?”

“Why don’t you tell me, asshole? You’re the one who dragged me in here.”

“Are you fucking him?”

“What?”

“That guy. Your boss.”

Bucky spat the words out like they tasted foul coming off of his tongue. I groaned loudly as I rubbed my palms over my face and throughout my hair. I didn’t have the patience to deal with him and his unbridled jealousy. I was so fucking over this night. I was so ready to go home. Taylor would have to forgive me later.

“Oh my god, no, okay? We’re just friends.”

“Friends don’t dance like that together, Y/N. Neither do coworkers. His hands were practically on your ass.”

“Does it matter? Even if we were sleeping together, that is none of your business.”

I took a few steps closer towards the door, but Bucky cut me off, blocking it with his ridiculously large frame. Had he gotten bigger? Focus. I sighed in annoyance at how stubborn he was being. Why did it matter to him? Why did he care? He was the one who had left.

“Move.”

“Is that how you got the job?”

“Excuse me?”

“I asked if that’s how you got the job. I knew how bad you wanted it, but fuck I didn’t take you for the type to slut out for it, doll.”

My mouth suddenly dropped open in shock and there was a piercing pain in my chest. I struck my palm across Bucky’s cheek and a loud slap filled the silent room. My palm stung from the impact and I could barely see flush rising to the spot on his skin where my hand had just been. For the first time, I hated the serum that flowed through his veins, because I knew that my hand hurt impeccably worse than his face. I doubted he even felt it at all. I knew I should have felt pure rage at that moment, but that comment blanketed over me like ice, diminishing the flame within me. He had never spoken to me like that. Our last fight had been volatile, and some of his words still nipped at my brain, but there was nothing lingering like that.

I felt betrayed. I grit my teeth as treacherous tears welled up in the corners of my eyes, seconds away from spilling over. All the fight within me had gone out with those words, and all that was left was more heartache that wouldn’t fit inside my ribcage. I was exhausted. I just wanted to go home.

“Fuck you. How dare you say that to me. You know how hard I worked for that. You were there. God, you helped me put my fucking portfolio together! You helped me rehearse for that interview!”

Bucky’s entire demeanor quickly shifted, eyes widening slightly as if he had just felt the weight of his own words. He clenched his fists at his sides, broad shoulders slumping forward with the burden of guilt. He blinked several times, deterring his gaze to a spot on the ground as if it held all the answers he was searching for.

“I know. I..I didn’t mean that. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry, Y/N..I just-”

“I don’t want to hear it. You don’t get to be angry with me. You left me. You ended this. Not me. You broke every fucking promise you ever made to me. You do not get to be angry with me for how I choose to move on, or how I choose to pick up the pieces that you left behind.”

Bucky refused to meet my gaze as I spoke. The dam had finally broken, and I wasn’t even going to attempt to hold the waves of pain back. I wanted him to drown in them, like I had. 

“I waited for you. For over a year, I was stupid enough to think you might actually change your mind. That you would come back. But you didn’t James, you just left me..like I was nothing. Like I meant nothing. You have no fucking idea what you did to me..what you put me through. You have spent the past two years acting like I never even existed to you. I am finally starting to feel like myself again. And you know what..Peter is a great guy, and he was there when you weren’t. And you know what if I want to be with him, that is my choice, and you don’t get to be upset with me for that. You don’t get to call me a slut for moving on and fixing what you broke.”

Bucky’s face had softened with regret as he finally lifted his gaze to stare down at me, his expression faltering in complete remorse. I could see his eyes glistening under the dim light in the room. I never got to tell him how I felt after he ended things. He never gave me a chance to. I had held onto these pent up feelings for years, waiting for a chance to pour them out. I felt lighter almost, like I had given him back a final piece of me I didn’t want anymore. 

He took a step towards me, his lips parted with the intention to speak. I could see the thoughts spinning around in his head. I know he wanted to say something, anything to make this better. He always struggled with words. He always felt like they weren’t enough, or he couldn’t find the right ones to translate the noise in his head. Bucky was a man of action, in every sense of the word. He preferred to show, not tell, but I think even he knew there was no gesture that would be enough to salvage the wreckage he had created. Even after everything, my heart ached for him.

No matter what, Bucky always tried. I could always depend on him to do that. If he couldn’t understand what I needed to hear, or what I wanted from him, or how to fix an issue between us, he tried to figure it out. Relentlessly. There wasn’t an end he wouldn’t go to just to try. He swore as long as I granted him patience, he would never stop trying. I think that’s why it devastated me so badly when he did stop. When he finally gave up on us. On me. I took a deep breath to wash out the grief in my lungs, wiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand as I steaded my voice.

“James, you made a choice. Now I have to make mine. So please..if you ever cared about me at all, I need you to let me let you go. Once and for all. Because..I deserve better, than to just be discarded like a piece of clothing you’ve outgrown. I loved you, more than I ever thought I could possibly feel about another person, and a piece of me will probably always love you. But I’m not going to beg to be an afterthought in your life when someone will make me the center of their universe.” 

The tear that rolled down his cheek pierced right through my heart, and I felt it shattering all over again. Bucky was the first person I ever truly fell in love with, and despite everything, I know deep down he never wanted to hurt me. I know he loved me once. He wasn’t cruel, he was just conflicted. But I couldn’t wait any longer for him to sort his own feelings out. I had already wasted too much time putting what he might want in front of what I did want.

I took a few steps forward until I stood right in front of him. He instantly reached out to pull me into his chest, like it was a safe haven. It used to be. I let him embrace me fully, burying his face into the crook of my neck. I closed my eyes and inhaled his scent, wrapping my arms around his back as I felt his shuddering breath on my skin. This used to be my favorite place. My home. But now..it felt like somewhere I didn’t belong. Foreign. I turned my head slightly to place a gentle kiss to his cheek bone where my hand had struck, a silent apology, before slowly retracting from his touch.

Bucky’s eyes were rimmed with tears as he reluctantly let go, and his hand was still outstretched towards me as I pulled away. I couldn’t reach for him, even if my entire body was screaming for him. It remembered him. It remembered the good. But my brain could only conjure the bad. If I stayed in his arms another second, I wouldn’t have the strength to walk away. I gave him the most sincere smile I could manage.

“Goodbye, James. Take care of yourself. Please. I…I really hope you find whatever it is that you’re looking for. I’m sorry that it wasn’t me.”

I left him there in that room without another word. It felt strange, to be on the other side this time. I hoped I had been kinder. I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I didn’t say goodbye to Taylor or Peter, or even Sam. I would deal with them another time. I slipped out the back into the bustling streets, getting lost in the scattered crowds and chatter, welcoming the bitter cold settling in my bones. Even though my heart still ached for the piece of it I left in that room, I felt like I could breathe again. I had finally gotten the closure that I needed. I was proud of myself for asserting my value to a man I never thought would take me for granted. For choosing the daunting task of creating a life on my own instead of falling back into the familiarity of a fantasy I had created with someone else. I knew the final encounter I shared with Bucky would sting for the coming days, and maybe it always would, but it wouldn’t paralyze me again. 

As I gazed up at the midnight sky, admiring the glimmer of multi-colored flashing lights and welcoming the kiss of snowflakes as they landed across my cheeks, I felt strangely hopeful about the future. You never know when you’ll find magic in this city.

[lemondropdancer]

Grounding Techniques

Mental Distraction Techniques

Pick a category of objects and try to think of as many objects as possible that fit within that category (e.g., types of dogs, cities, types of trees, crayon colors, sports)

Pick a letter and think of emotionally positive or neutral words that begin with that letter

Pick a color and look for things of that color. Notice differences in their exact shades

Say or think the alphabet backwards or alternate letters and numbers (A1, B2, C3, D4, etc)

Count backwards from 100 by 3s, 6s, or 7s or count up by prime numbers or perfect squares

Play "fizz-buzz" with yourself. Begin counting to 100 (or over!), but replace any number that contains the number 5 or is a multiple of 5 with the word "fizz" and any number that contains the number 7 or is a multiple of 7 with the word "buzz." For example, 1-15 would be "1, 2, 3, 4, fizz, 6, buzz, 8, 9, fizz, 11, 12, 13, buzz, fizz." When you mess up, compliment yourself and start over

Think of the words to your favorite song or poem or think of facts related to a specific theme

Pick a word or your name and see how many other words you can make from the letters in it

Describe an every day event or process in great detail, listing all of the steps in order and as thoroughly as possible (e.g., how to cook a meal, how to get from your house to your place of work or school, how to do your favorite dance)

Read something technical or meant for children or read words backwards to focus on the process of reading and not the words

Watch a children's television show or movie or watch cute or funny videos on Youtube; it might help to have a playlist already prepared for this

Look at a current news article that is not likely to be upsetting or distressing

Distract yourself with Tetris, Solitaire, Sudoku, word searches, or other puzzle games

Reorientation Techniques

Say or think to yourself: "My name is _________. I am safe right now. I am _____ years old. I am currently at _____________. The date is _____________. If I need help, I am with ________/can call _________. Everything is going to be alright."

List reaffirming statements ("I am fine. Everything is going to be okay. I am strong. I can handle this.")

Ask yourself where you are, what day of the week it is, what day of the month it is, what month it is, what year it is, what season it is, how old you are, and other present-focused questions

Notice things in your surroundings that indicate to you that you're safe or that you're in the present (e.g., locks on your door, electronics that didn't exist when you were younger, the presence of trusted people, a phone so that you can call for help if you need it)

Describe your surroundings in detail, including sights (objects, textures, shapes, colors), sounds, smells, and temperature

Name five things that you see, four that you feel, three that you hear, and two that you smell or taste, and then name one good thing that you like about yourself

Pick four or five brightly colored objects that are easily visible and move your focus between them. Be sure to vary the order of your gaze and concentrate briefly on each one before moving to the next

Think about a fun time that you recently had with a friend or call that friend and ask them to talk about it with you

Sensory-Based Grounding Techniques

Run cool or warm (but not too cold or hot) water over your hands or take a cool or warm bath or shower

Spritz your face (with eyes closed), neck, arms, and hands with a fine water mist

Spray yourself with your favorite perfume and focus on the scent

Feel the weight of your body in your chair or on the floor and the weight of your clothing on your skin

Touch and hold objects around you. Compare the feel, weight, temperature, textures, colors, and materials

Keep a small object with you to touch or play with when you get triggered. Good examples include a smooth stone, a fidget toy, jewelry, or a tiny plushy

Bite into a lemon, orange, or lime, suck on a sour or minty candy or an ice cube, chew cinnamon-flavored gum, or put a few drops of Tabasco sauce on your tongue. Notice the flavor, scent, and texture

Eat something or drink warm tea, coffee, or hot chocolate, and describe to yourself the taste and texture in great detail

Place a cool wash cloth on your face or hold something cold like a can of soda

Listen to soothing or familiar music. If possible, dance to it

Hum, sing, recite poetry, or make up a silly poem or story as you go

Pick up a book and read the first paragraph out loud

Hug another person (if interpersonal touch isn't a trigger). Pay attention to your own pressure and the physical sensations of doing so

Hug a tree! Register the smells of being outside, the wind, and the sights around you

Movement-Based Grounding Techniques

Breathe deeply and slowly and count your breaths

Grab tightly onto your chair or press your feet against the ground as firmly as you can

Rub your palms and clap your hands or wiggle your toes within your socks. Pay attention to the physical sensation of doing so

Stretch out your arms or legs, roll your head on your neck, or clench and unclench your fists

Stomp your feet, walk around, run, jump, ride a bike, do jumping jacks, or do yoga

While walking, notice each footstep and say to yourself "right" and "left" to correspond with the foot currently moving

Squeeze a pillow, stuffed animal, or ball

If you have a soft pet (dog or cat), brush its fur and stroke it. If you don't, brush your own hair slowly and without pulling too much

Color in an adult coloring book, finger paint, or draw anything that comes to mind without worrying about quality

Write whatever comes to mind even if it's nonsense. Try not to write about whatever is upsetting you until you're more capable of doing so without increasing the upset

Write a list of things that make you happy or look for cheerful pictures to make into a collage

Pop bubble wrap or blow and pop actual bubbles

Dig in the dirt or garden, jump on a pile of leaves, or splash around in puddles or mud

Rip up paper or stomp on aluminum cans to crush them

Imagery Techniques

Picture yourself breathing in relaxation, calm, positive feelings, or strength. Picture yourself breathing out whatever is upsetting you. It may help to pair this with imagery of breathing in soothing colors (usually blue, purple, or green) and out more intense colors (usually red or black)

If you need to relax, envision a soothing white or golden light slowly moving up your body, warming and relaxing every part of you that it touches. You can also think of it as protecting you from negativity or from harm

If the problem is intense or uncomfortable emotions, physical sensations, or memories, picture them being surrounded and neutralized by a bright and healing light, temporarily placed in a mental box to be stored for later, or dialed back by an internal controller of intensity

If you have a clear mental picture of what's upsetting you, mentally change it to something silly or harmless. If you're a fan of Harry Potter, cast a mental "riddikulus" to banish the negativity

Picture yourself calm, focused, and able to tackle whatever problems you're facing. Focus on how that would feel in the moment. What would your expression and posture be like? Make whatever changes you need to in order to make your reality reflect your goal

How to Make a Grounding Box

Get a box or basket

Personalize and decorate it with construction paper, wrapping paper, ribbon, stickers, drawings, paint, photographs, glitter, sequins, or anything else that you like

Keep within it:

A list of grounding techniques that you know work for you

A list of positive affirmations and happy memories

A list of the contact information of trusted friends or family who are willing to help and support you

Small sensory objects such as: scented candles, perfumes, or lotions; hard candies or gum; soft fabrics, a stress ball, a stuffed animal, or a fidget toy; happy pictures of you with friends; a CD with relaxing music or meditation tracks. Try to cover all of the senses

A list of possible distractions such as books to read or movies to watch

Small portable distractions such as a pack of playing cards, a small game, or a joke book

A list of comforting things to do such as taking a bubble bath, snuggling up in bed, or meditating

A small journal or notebook

In the Case of a Flashback

Tell yourself that you are having a flashback and are safe now

Remind yourself that the worst is over, and you survived it. What you're feeling now is just a reminder of that trauma and does not fit the present moment

Remind yourself of when and where you are, who you're currently with, and who you can contact if you need help (use the reorientation-focused grounding techniques)

Breathe deeply and slowly. Count your breathes and make sure that you're getting enough air

Use other mental, sensory, movement, and imagery techniques in order to distract yourself, calm yourself, and reorient yourself within the present

If possible or necessary, go somewhere where you can be alone or with a close friend, where you will feel safe, or where you feel protected or shielded

If there is anyone who you can trust or who will support you, reach out to them, let them know what happened, and let them know what you need, what would be best for you, or what they could do to help

Be gentle with yourself and take the time to really recover. If what helps you to recover is to color, take a bubble bath, hug a stuffed animal, or watch a children's movie and if it would not be disruptive to do such things at that point in time, embrace those options whole-heartedly

If possible, note or write down what triggered the flashback, what techniques you tried to use to disrupt the flashback, and what techniques helped