#fun fact i literally thought of the idea while i was having a panic attack
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thatturtleleon · 6 hours ago
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TFP Panic Attack Help (x reader)
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quick note: personally i experience both panic and anxiety attacks, theyre vry scary, but they always pass. i hope this offers some comfort to anyone reading!
Optimus:
i feel like he gets them too
imo he definitely has anxiety and with the stress of being the leader/a prime, its gotta be overwhelming
he notices your sudden change in demeanor
grows concerned seeing you become pale and shaky
and asks if you are alright and if he should get Ratchet
if you can't speak or refuse his offer to get the medic, he'll stay with you
he's concerned but has a good idea of whats going on
if you're experiencing derealization of some sort or have a hard time focusing, he's very patient
will definitely know at least a few grounding techniques
does them with you too
worried but overall very calm and will say with you until you're feeling better
Ratchet:
100% knows how to deal with panic attacks
that being said, you're human and he's not as confident with his medical skills with humans
he's not just gonna sit there and do nothing though
very concerned, scans you, makes sure you're sitting down in a safe spot
once he figures out whats going on he's focusing on calming you down and grounding you
reassures you're safe multiple times
once you've calmed down he'll ask questions on what triggered the attack, if you have a history of them, what he can do to help better, etc.
a bajillion questions but also makes sure not to cause you any more stress
makes sure you at least got some water afterwards
Arcee:
yupp she knows whats happening too
still a little panicked herself at first thinking you're sick or injured
once she realizes whats happening she helps you sit down
grounding exercises and reassures nothing is going to hurt you
if you're ok with it, she'll begin talking about stories, good memories, anything that might distract you from your current condition
i think she'd range from talking about funny moments with the team to giving a heartfelt story of her and Cliffjumper
once you've calmed, she tells you that you did a good job and she's always there for you
she'd wanna know if there was a specific trigger or if these tend to just happen
if its PTSD related, she understands and later researches some techniques and healthy ways to cope for humans
Bulkhead:
he lowkey thinks you're dying and freaks out, but keeps it as calm as possible on the outside
if Ratchet's there he goes to get him and still stays with you, but if not, he makes sure you sit down first
depends how severe it is, but if you're hyperventilating he's focusing on getting that taken care of first
stays with you the whole time and doesn't leave for a second
he'll hand you any comfort items, water, etc. literally ANYTHING that'll help you feel better (he may spill the water but its ok because he's trying)
talks about times with him and Wheeljack or Miko as a distraction
even after you're feeling better, he's staying with you and making sure you're ok, and if you're not, thats ok too, he's still there
Bumblebee:
he probably freaks out the most out of all of them, but he understands what's happening pretty fast
helps you sit down and stays
offers to drive you around (as long as you find it relaxing)
mainly sits there with you quietly offering his support, but if it's to the point where you genuinely need someone's help, he goes to get Ratchet or someone (he still stays with you tho)
if you need a distraction, he'll chat away about something or turn on the TV in the base
of course he lets you hug him if you want to, he'll never step away first, letting you be the one to let go first
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yorshie · 1 year ago
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Hello, fellow raccoon here 🦝 If it’s not too much trouble, could you write about sharing a bed for the first time with the Bay!verse turtles?
Ah! Another raccoon! Thank you for the request, I had a lot of fun writing this one! I went with head canon style.
Bayverse x reader, SFW other than bedshare, set in 2023 so turtles are 24-25
Tags: @jackalope-in-a-storm @tmnt-tychou
MICHELANGELO
This sweet turtle got his nest all ready when he heard you were finally spending the night. Brought in your favorite snacks, hunted down all his extra pillows from around the Lair, and restocked his mini fridge in case you got thirsty.
So when the time finally came and you go drop your bag off in his room, there is not a free spot to be found. His bed is a mountain of pillows and blankets, the small coffee table shoved in front of his tv has everything from pizza, microwavable food, and what looks like three different flavors of cookies piled on top of it.
Not gonna lie, its a bit intimidating. You might even have faltered, if sunshine boi wasn't right behind you with your toiletry bags, happy go lucky energy rubbing off until it felt like the spotlight wasn't directly on you.
the rest of the night is spent in typical Mikey fashion, a.k.a. a game and movie marathon. His brothers occasionally wander past his open door to say hello and to see what the two of you are up to. They might have a bet running on how much Mikey smothers you and how long you'll allow it. Even Splinter is in on it, thought the old rat refrains from making an appearance so his youngest doesn't feel like he's doing something wrong. He wants to marry his sons off eventually, after all.
When you eventually get tired and it's time to delve into the towering abyss of pillows that have taken over his bed, Mikey's territorial side makes an appearance. The door gets shut and locked to avoid anyone that might think it's a good idea to pull a prank (none of his brothers would but Mikey is paranoid because he is the prankster), and he wastes no time diving in after you for some cuddles.
oh. ok, maybe there's too many pillows, because now he can't find you! He's lost his significant other! Cue a mini chase where most of his bounty ends up in the floor in his search. You are not getting out of cuddles. No amount of wiggling or hiding will save you.
the actual cuddling is quite nice. Mikey's warm and his bicep makes for an excellent pillow. He likes to lay face to face, with your head tucked under his chin, limbs entangled and churring up a storm that you knew would have his brothers wincing in second hand embarrassment if they ever heard all the turtley noises he made when it was just the two of you.
He definitely snores, though. And farts in his sleep. Fact of life, don't get mad, because we all do it sometimes, most of us just aren't a mutated turtle man with a noxious gut fueled by pizza and sour patch kids. Dutch oven him with his own farts as payback.
in the morning you'll definitely wake up first, though as soon as you start to move Mikey will be alert. Call it sixth sense, but all the turtles are hyper aware of their own personal spaces and who's in them. I hope you weren't planning on getting an early start that morning, because now that Mikey's awake he's ready to continue the movie that you getting sleepy paused the night before. While getting more cuddles and eating breakfast in bed, of course.
LEONARDO
he internally started creating lists as soon as you accepted his sleepover proposal. Panics a little and moved the date once to make sure his sheets are washed the day before. Everything in his space has to be perfectly so. If someone interupts his cleaning and prepping, they better expect to have their head bitten off. Will have a literal panic attack if you arrived early.
You, of course, notice nothing out of place when he presents his room for your inspection. Yes, you read that right. This turtle will practically sweat as he waits for your verdict on whether the nest is good enough. No, he doesn't realize what he's doing. If you pick up on it don't tell him or else he might start panicking again.
The two of you will actually not spend too much time besides sleeping in his room, most of your time will be hanging out in the main living area. This serves two purposes: as the eldest Leo wants you to get along with all his brothers, and two, the thought of his bothers coming by his room to say hi to you absolutely drives is reptile brain crazy. So you'll eat and hangout with everyone else, and try not to laugh at the subtle teasing you know your turtle is going through with the whispered jokes and laughter that seem to stop every time you turn around.
When it gets late enough and everyone starts peeling off to do their own thing, you'll have to let Leo know you are ready to go lay down. Hilarious if you think He's going to suggest it's time to head to bed to you, he's trying his hardest not to think of the words "you" and "nest - BED! he meant bed!" in the same sentence.
when you finish your nighttime routine and make your way back to Leo's room, don't be surprised to find him on a makeshift pallet on the floor. There is no way you couldn't have seen this coming, but don't worry, there's an easy fix. Simply get in his bed, close to the wall, and start shivering. Loudly. Ham it up. In no time flat you'll have a turtle sneaking up next to you to keep you warm, though at first he will be hesitant. Cuddling you in the privacy of his own room with the expectation of sleep is very different from just chilling with you.
despite Leo trying to be a gentleman during the beginning, leaving you a bit of space and trying his hardest not to crowd you, by an hour in he will be wrapped around you. As he slowly gets tipped closer and closer to the edge of sleep, the more loose he will become. And once he gives in and gets used to the cuddles, he will never want to stop.
He clicks and chirps in his sleep sometimes. You woke up thinking there was a baby bird or something in the room, only to discover the high pitched noises were coming from him, before he transitions into deeper churrs from his chest right in front of your eyes. If you keep very still and quiet he might not wake up, but he will be traumatized if he does and discovers he makes these noises
There is very little chance of you waking in the morning before Leo. This turtle gets up early, but maybe just for today he can slip back next to you, after morning training, just to feel close to you for a bit longer. When you wake up you could just spend the morning talking, he won't mind being lazy as long as it's with you
You'll most likely be the one making breakfast if the other brothers aren't up yet, as Leo is banned from making anything other than tea or using the strict guidelines Mikey placed next to the microwave. But, he is an excellent sous chef, and after you're both fed he will be quick to suggest an activity so the two of you can hang out longer. Just know he's already weighing his chances of getting you to spend the next night as well.
DONATELLO
Dee had about 50 reminders set in the days leading up to your first sleepover, and a mental list he was practically grappling with in between projects. Anytime he'd focus on what was coming up too much, the butterflies would start going haywire in his stomach and he was likely to drop whatever it is he's holding at the time
Needless to say, he was in a bit of a panic by the time you showed up. Technically speaking, logically speaking, he knew his bed and room where both clean. And he knew you liked spending time with him, so why the anxiety? Why the nerves? He's so nervous, he doesn't even realize you've arrived, moved around his habitual pacing to set your bag on his bed, and now you're simply watching him with fond curiosity.
He shrieks when he finally notices you. Practically has a heart attack and knocks over at least four stacks of meticulously arranged cds and various technological components. Eventually joins in your laughter after he's calmed down enough to see the humor in the situation.
Just this once, Donnie has cleared his timetable of various projects to focus soley on you. That isn't to say that before he's blown you off or ignored you, but by now you are well aware how hard he has to work to contain his wandering mind, al lthe little tips and tricks he uses to keep his focus on the here and now and not bouncing from idea to idea.
The two of you will not be spending too much time out in the main area. The time it takes the two of you to procure dinner is more than enough brotherly interaction for the tall turtle. Not to mention, it turns almost awkward as the other's try desperately to not make prolonged eye contact with anyone else. They learned a long time ago not to tease the brother that controls all their devices and the access to the wifi.
Once Donnie and you are comfortable back in his room, the true hang out will begin. You'll play rock-paper-scissors to pick a movie, Donnie always lets you win, but he gets to pick the music that plays in the background. If you want, he'll access his computer and set up the program to make the lights in his room dance to the beat. Curled up in his arms, it is the easiest place to fall asleep, surrounded by fluttering lights that mimic being underwater.
Donnie may not actually sleep, but he stays with you the entire night. If you wake at all it might be to the idle scratching of pen on paper as he writes, his hand moving in your hair or along your back, or to his soft breaths caught in a light doze, a soft churr rumbling in his chest. If you're also the type to burn the midnight oil, you both might stay up talking long enough that the morning slowly creeps up on you before you both pass out.
Splinter often stops by the Lab in the morning on his way to meditate, if only to wrap a blanket over his son's shoulders and move his glasses to a safe spot. It's an ingrained habit, so much so that it doesn't even register that you spent the night until he quietly opens the door. He takes on look at the two of you holding each other close, and turns away with a smile.
Dee can cook, but most likely he'll order from the diner one block above their preferred manhole cover, and the two of you will sneak out for eggs, bacon and pancakes before secreting it away in his room so you don't have to share.
RAPHAEL
If the two of you are close enough for a sleepover, Raph is going to be the calmest of his brothers about you being in his personal space. Sure, he'll clean up, make sure all his dirty clothes are in his hamper and all the drawers actually shut on his dresser, but don't expect much in the way of fanfare.
He doesn't care where you wanna hang out in the evening, as long as you're comfortable. If you're out in the Lair proper however, get ready for some brotherly jockeying. Mikey almost can't help teasing Raph about having a guest over for the night, but the bigger brother will take it in stride as long as its only Mikey. Donnie tends to stay out of the limelight when it comes to teasing, but you better hope Leo doesn't so much as raise an eye ridge in Raph's direction. To be fair, the blue turtle is likely only drawing attention to how soft for you Raph is, but the two of them earning a trip to the Ha'shi might put a bit of a damper on the sleepover.
Leo's right though, Raph is completely soft for you. You want something to eat? He'll go get it for you without even a huff. You want popcorn for the movie? He'll bring back soda as well. You ask how much he can bench? He'll toe the line between showing off and making sure he can actually handle the weight. You neck hurts from having to crane around him to watch the movie? He'll lay on the ground and let you splay across his shell. You blink at him and sleepily ask to be carried? You're already up in his arms before you can even finish the sentence.
When it comes time to sleep, Raph will insist you take the inside of the bed, close to the wall, but he's thought ahead and gotten you your own pillow so you don't have to share with him. Yes, technically its from Mikey's room, but don't worry he disinfected it with a shit-ton of Lysol and Frebreze and washed the cover. This doesn't mean he doesn't want to cuddle, but of all the things Raph understands in his life, the very first few are the difference in size between the two of you, just how much he weighs, and how strong he is. So he'll tuck you against the wall and lay out on his stomach in one of the few positions that makes it hard for him to tip over. There's just enough room between the lip of his shell and the mattress for you to slot yourself against him, and he'll take the opportunity to slide his arm around your waist and bury his snout in your hair.
He'll hold you there throughout the night, breath slow and even. If you wake, be prepared that any movement will rouse him. He can't exactly help it, and he tries not to make you feel guilty over it, but you can always make out the green shine of his eyes peering down to make sure you are ok before he drifts back off again.
This turtle churrs sometimes in his sleep, but it's not the cute or soothing churr of contentment. No, someone parked a diesel engine in his man and is revving it like he's driving up an inclined gravel mountain road. The only way to get him to stop is to poke the thin strip of skin along his side, repeatedly, until he snorts and shifts. 50/50 chance the shifting will stop the churring. If not, you'll have to repeat the process.
In the morning, he'll dip before you wake, and come back to the room with warm pastries and whatever he's seen you drink in the morning. If you want your breakfast right away however, you might have to bribe him with turtle smooches as he tries to steal back his spot and catch up on the cuddles he's missed being a good boyfriend. Yes, he's holding you hostage, unless you want to try climbing over him. You might succeed if you make him laugh.
At some point in the day, after breakfast and whatever morning routine you keep, Raph will ask you what you want to do. If you want to go home, decompress, he'll take you home, but if you want to stay again and hang out some more you'll get to see the sweetest, softest smile break across his face.
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bokettochild · 1 year ago
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OKAY I had a really vivid dream and then ideas stemmed from that dream and it was to do with legend so naturally the first thing to do is tell you said ideas right?
Yk how ever since tears of the kingdom was announced people were coming up with content to do with wild getting taken away from the chain to do totk before getting given back to them post totk? Imagine that, but with legend instead cause I think it would be fun.
So basically, everything is the same except to begin with, alltp link is there. So the chain is panicking because why the fuck is there a literal 10 year old here, this is worse than the 13 year old- etc etc. But them being them, they adopt this kid quickly, this is their baby brother and you can't tell them otherwise. Wind is happy there's someone younger than him tbh. The kids also really young, so where legend probably only talks about his adventures during his once in a blood moon lore drops, this child talks about them properly and actually has time to process. He's still traumatised from them but he's dealing with it in a healthy way and is surprisingly good at helping the others too.
Then during a world switch, somehow the kid disappears. He's gone for about... a month for them and then comes back visibly older, and more scarred and traumatised, sporting a fever to boot. For a while they can't get him to say anything about what happened but he's still a young kid so they do get him to talk about it. How idk tbf I haven't thought that deeply into it.
The same thing keeps happening after that. He helps the chain for a few months, disappears for a while and then comes back older and with a new adventure under his belt. By the last one they understood what was happening, and just.. waited for their not so little brother to come back.
I feel like this version of legend would be a lot less prickly than the one we all love because he had a proper support system after each adventure who actually understood what he was going through. Obviously he'd still be sarcastic as fuck but that's just who he is, after all that's a link thing.
I also think that they'd call lil leg some form of rabbit nickname or something to do with the pink hair.
anyways you're cool and this was a thing. Thanks for reading it b y e
FUN FACT!!!!! This is a fic!
I didn't write it, but I remember it was one of the fics that made me love Legend when I was first getting into the fandom!
It opens with ALTTP Link running into a random portal to escape the knights in his era and accidentally coming across the chain. warriors is actually like one of the first one's he meets, and because KNIGHT he goes into full panic mode. Warriors and the others help calm him down though, and eventually integrate them into their group. Wind and Warriors are debatably the closest with him, because Wind has a little brother now, and Warriors because after the misunderstanding when they meet, he kind of becomes Little Leg's protector and safe person.
And then Legend gets thrown back.
He thinks it's a dream, or he made it up to process his loneliness, but then after all his adventures, he finds a portal again, like he used to go through with his big brotehrs, and he's both scared and warily hopefull. He goes through, thinking they'll have grown and changed like him, that he's still the youngest.
He comes back on the same night he disappeared.
Nothing has changed.
They're still looking for him in a panic.
Naturally, Legend being Legend makes some comment about how they'll never find the kid they're looking for, and in a fit of protective big brother rage, Warriors absolutally loses it on him, thus forever imprinting the image of his big brother trying to kill him on Legend's mind.
They figure out what happens not long after, and of course Wars is apologetic, but Legend can now only see his protector as his attacker and a liar (Wars promised to never hurt him) and thus ANGST
The story is still in the works, but I would 100% go and read it! It's a real tear jerker!
.....I'll try and find the link, but if anyone else remembers what this one is called, please tell me, because now I ALSO want to read it.
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howlingday · 1 year ago
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Hi i just wanted to get an idea off of my chest before I exploded and thought it'd be fun to see other people's opinions on it:
You ever think about that fact that Salem could see, literally see, everything Cinder saw at Beacon? What her thoughts of the weird and frankly cartoonish antics of the main RWBYJNPR?
Reason Salem could see what Cinder saw: magic grimm parasite that Cinder used to siphon the maiden magic into herself. After V3, we can see Ruby's silver eye magic basically destroyed Cinder's arm, where we know the parasite was, but also her eye.
This honestly seems like such a fun little comedy sketch waiting to happen. It would also really humanize Salem based on whatever reactions she had. Like, she'd be sitting in her chair, looking into her seer while tapping into Cinder's eye, which she keeps hidden under her hair as much as possible, and then watches a bunch of crazy things play out.
Crazy things like a girl with silver eyes eating a cookie through her nose, a white-hair girl having a panic attack over a 99% test score, a poorly disguised faunus girl reading erotica in school, and a blonde girl with long hair like Raven's make awful puns. She'd also see crazy things like a blond boy get beaten up worse than anyone else at school while a red-haired girl so obviously tries to get his attention, while another red-haired girl is eating an obscene amount of sugar and remain totally unaffected by the negative affects such quantities would have on a normal person, and probably the most normal boy ever just lazily walk around school like it's just another Tuesday.
It all kinda reminds me of this one idea I saw and or thought of where Salem is playing a dating sim using... I think Jaune as a sort of Grimm puppet.
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Thought I'd do another doodle dump. These are some ocs (kinda. Two are characters from books that I've warped beyond recognition_ but kept the names and world soooo idk) and some random characters I've doodled in my sketchbook. Here's the individual pictures.
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This is that apocalyptic future Sophie from kotlc I mentioned here
She's actually kinda happy here so good for her.
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This is a random oc I thought of randomly. I kind of pictured it in the rangers apprentice world (just to give me an idea, there's literally nothing linking it to those series I just needed a world).
Anyway, the thing here is that he was part of a group of people (hired by the ruler of the area) to clear a forest of these (haven't nailed down a name for them yet) magical creatures. The ruler doesn't like them despite them only fighting back when attacked, and they've been trying for years to clear the forest of them, so the whole population of them is pissed. They're also very earth connected, as is kind of shown eight the crystal-like horns they have, and that relates to their powers in a way I have not figured out yet. Anyway, kid gets bitten or whatever but the point is, he slowly starts transforming into one of them. This isn't expected bc as far as most people know, those who enter and are caught just disappear. He can still look human, and can switch between his forms, but the conflict is with him and his team.and you get the point. Trying not to hurt either side, panic that he's a monster, the whole shebang.
Fun fact the creatures were originally evil, but making him struggle with knowing they're not is more fun 😈
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This lady is the least developed, mainly bc I've done one drawing of her before this and then never touched it again.
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This was the old drawing and I almost like it a bit more. Anyway, I'm picturing her to be an oracle/telekinesis type magic user in a world I have no information about.
The other two I wasn't really thrilled with, and their both from that one weird rangers apprentice au I mentioned here.
The first one, I hadn't figured out how to do highlights with my markers, and the second, the white pen I was using for.said highlights kept turning pink, which bugged me, and I kept going over it until it just looked bad. :( quit while you're ahead ig.
If someone's randomly curious about them I'm happy to randomly come up with more info/head cannons on them
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frostedpuffs · 2 years ago
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Would you mind sharing your thoughts and process on writing your fic "Sewing Sentiments"? How you came up with the idea, how you began to write it and how it came along? What's the summary?
yes absolutely!
fun fact: this was the original doc title
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guess im no longer being shitty!
so i actually wrote out a somewhat plan for the fic in 2019. it was originally going to be a very short, very sweet fic, with no angsty adrien backstory and actually no angst at all! i just wanted a silly fic that was mostly humor and fluff about two dorky co-workers who meet and fall in love. for example, that angsty scene in chapter 8 where adrien accidentally cuts himself and has a panic attack in the hospital bc Trauma? yeah, this was the original planned scene:
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i literally had only wanted to write a cute co-worker fic where they goof off and maybe occasionally make out in the back room. but i never wrote the story because i feel like it just...idk, it wasn't Strong Enough as a story, and felt kind of boring to me, because it was a little...too sweet? like it was too easy.
and then i stopped thinking about it.
until i came back to the fandom in 2022, finished a simple suggestion, and realized, fuck...i wanna write that fic. but i didnt know what to do with it, so i kind of just decided that i was going to write the silly fluffy humor fic with no real story or plot to it. because it would've been easy. right?
...and then i suddenly got this random idea to give adrien more depth, sprinkle in some angst and trauma, but tell the story purely from marinette's pov, so that the readers needed to use context clues to guess what happened to him until it's Revealed, and i was like...DAMN. i was on the fence about making it angsty for a LONG time. until i decided fuck it, this is what we're going with, and wrote out an entire detailed plan for the fic in one night. it was purely an impulse decision, and i still was unsure about it while writing, but i am glad i went in the direction i did. the fic feels like it has a much more, idk...impactful story? like sure, it would have been cute as just a silly little humor/fluff fic, but i do like how it turned out.
are there some things i would change? sure. but i'm happy with the fic and it was a lot of fun to work on!
here are some more cute bullet points from the original plan document back in 2019.
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(also fun fact: adrien was supposed to wear glasses in this fic, and i completely forgot until it was too late lol)
thanks for the ask! ♥ this was fun to answer
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llamagoddessofficial · 3 years ago
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Happy (late im sorry) birthday @aka-indulgence !!! I wrote you a special thing... with one of your special boyos whomst you managed to convert me into loving. I hope you had a fun day!!
Tw; caves, broken bones
You’d stopped screaming a while ago.
There were a lot of reasons- for one, the air in the cave was damp, thick, choking... screaming required you to take a deep inhale of the stale smog and your lungs were already starting to reject it. It was borderline unbearable and you were pretty certain that if you survived this, you’d be choking and coughing for a week at least.
... But that wasn’t the biggest reason. That wasn’t the most important reason you were keeping your mouth shut tight, as you laid on your back in complete darkness, eyes darting around as fast as they could and leg numb with agony.
By this point, screaming was a critical danger that would get you killed.
... The cave just behind the cliff was rumoured to be impossibly deep, to have once contained some kind of legendary terrifying monster that reacted violently to intruders and killed those who didn’t heed its immediate warnings to leave. Of course, there were no modern sightings of this mythical beast, and it definitely sounded less like fact and more like some urban legend designed to keep people away from a dangerous area. No one had ever mapped it... no one wanted to, even the most intrepid of local explorers. The stories (and a healthy serving of common sense) seemed to have prevailed long enough for that particular entrance to just be left alone.
...
So of course, your study group decided it’d be such a good place to spend a Friday night, armed with nothing but half-charged torches, rucksacks full of drinks, and borrowed walking shoes.
You could feel tears gathering at the corners of your eyes, gravity dragging them down the sides of your face as you stared upward into the total blackness. It was stupid to come down here, horror movie levels of stupid- but you just couldn’t say no to them. The study group was the closest thing you had to friends, and you let them lure you into coming along, you’d allowed yourself to be led by your terror of being left out.
... You had no idea how long you’d been lying on your back in total darkness with your immovable leg throbbing with pain, but it was getting clearer and clearer no one was coming back for you.
... So I guess you’ve been left out after all- left out in a cave to die. 
...
A noise. You turned your head, quickly- a familiar blood red colour standing out against the black, closer than last time. Panic jolted through you once again and you grappled with your flashlight, turning it on and pointing it directly at the red; a harsh white circle of light appeared and illuminated a section of the cave. You saw bone and a wide maw of terrifying teeth for a split second before it retreated quickly from the glow in a flurry of movement, disappearing back into the nothingness, an aggravated snarl rippling through the cavern.
...
Your friends, if you could even call them that, seemed to have followed the philosophy of ‘don’t outrun the bear, just outrun the slowest person’. When the monster had attacked your group in the dark, everyone panicked and ran for the exit... and when you stumbled, falling down a steep shaft into what was most likely going to end up being your grave, you became the slowest person.
And the ‘bear’ focused on you.
... It was hanging around in the darkness surrounding you. You could hear it, scuttling, waiting, the terrifying sound bouncing off the walls and coming from every direction at once, you hated how your panic and the enclosed space worked perfectly together to fuck with your hearing. Your only hope was the flashlight you clutched in both quivering hands.
...
You turned to the left, and caught sight of the red again. An engorged, blood coloured orb, slowly moving closer to you like a stalking wolf- it paused when you raised the flashlight, ready to recoil, and you jammed your clammy thumb onto the on button.
...
Nothing.
...
“... N-no.” You said, tiny, voice cracking, shaking the device and mashing the useless button over and over. Suddenly, just like that, the darkness around you had swallowed you completely whole. “No, no, no...”
... 
The monster made the same realisation you had. The flashlight was out of battery. The bloody red eye contracted a fraction... and then, upon realising your only line of defence was gone, advanced toward you.
...
You screamed as loud as you possibly could. You screamed with your whole chest, so hard it ricocheted across the walls and rang in your ears, you kicked your good leg against the ground in a desperate attempt to push yourself away but your heel just slipped on the floor. The sound didn’t deter it- and the eye got bigger and bigger, coming closer by the second, the true scale of the thing hunting you was dawning alongside the panic.
It’s gonna eat me.
The eye was the size of your fist. You could smell something, something warm, its breath, you were seized with unparalleled fear and you blindly swung the useless torch like a weapon. To your shock, it connected- landing squarely on what must’ve been a cheekbone. But it did about as much damage as a pillow would to a rhino and the flashlight shattered into pieces upon impact, with the monster not even so much as flinching.
It was definitely breath, you could feel it in your hair. It smelled like blood. Giant hands moved around your torso, under your arms, and picked you clean up off the ground- and the oh-so-familiar heavy ‘scuttling’ sound of him moving filled your ears. 
S-someone help me!
You punched at his ribs, still ‘screaming' (it was hardly screaming anymore because it was punctured by cracks and thin breaths), the world was beginning to drown out. The sounds and smells and pain were all so overwhelming, the dark and red of his eye were already eating you before he’d even opened his mouth, all you could think about was how no matter how much you didn’t want to you were going to die.
...
Light. Light that wasn’t his eye. It was enough to distract from your shouting, pathetic attempt at making noise catching in your throat. Little glowing rocks- crystals, maybe, they dotted the floor and walls, creating a faint white that was just enough to see by but still filled the world around you with wriggling shadows.
... It was enough to, for the first time, properly see the creature that was taking you.
He was huge; a skeletal upper half, barrel-chested, shoulders twice the width of your own and a heavy sternum with ribs like prison bars. The size of his jaw and thickness of his teeth told you he wasn’t the kind of predator that wasted any time with theatrics; there was no serration, probably no venom, he wasn’t going to be using valuable time to suffocate victims. With a mouth like that he would get right to the point- crushing straight through bone like eggshell.
He was staring ahead. Concentrated.
... Your eyes darted past his skeletal body to the main thing you'd been afraid of seeing; his lower body was a centipede. Giant scar-mottled gleaming brown carapace, trailing off into the dark, massive hooked 'feet' working in perfect undulating tandem to move him effortlessly across the uneven cave floor. You had absolutely no idea how long he was, you couldn't even hazard a guess. No wonder you'd heard his scuttling all around you in the darkness, it wasn't your mind playing tricks on you, he'd literally been all around you- you never stood a chance, did you?
You'd wedged your arms between yourself and his massive ribcage, shaking hands pushing as hard as you could. Despite how obviously little it was counteracting his hold, it was your last way of feeling like you were fighting. Your face and neck ached, your chin was wobbling, your head pounded.. you were a melting ice statue ready to shatter at the slightest push.
You were running out of fight.
... He carried you up, over a lip, into a small alcove. A recessed section of rock, a cave within a cave- a slightly more concentrated cluster of those glowing stones revealed the interior was lined with furs, rags, chunks of sleeping bags, old and well-loved blankets. Some kind of nest.
I’m... am I hyperventilating? you thought, feeling disconnected and dizzy, mind retreating further and further away from your body as a final defence mechanism. Everything’s spinning. 
...
Softness. At first, you thought you’d just gone completely numb... but when you concentrated a little more, you were surprised to find you were staring up at the glow-dotted stone ceiling. 
...
... He’d... put you down. On his nest of blankets? He was hovering over you, breath still brushing your cheeks and forehead... that terrible eye shifted its gaze down your body, you felt like a dinner being surveyed.
... You couldn’t even bring yourself to try and wriggle away. What chance did you stand? Further and further into numbness... am I going into shock?
...
He reached toward your broken leg. You didn't even want to look at it; it hurt so badly. You squeezed your eyes shut, suppressing a sob.
...
Warmth.
A pleasant kind- like you'd just laid the broken limb beside a fire. Tingling faintly... magic? Healing magic? You couldn’t look, you didn’t have the stomach to see just how mangled the leg was, that’d just make it hurt even worse. But it was... 
... Nice.
The warmth was like an eraser. It floated over the leg, fuzzy and comforting, and wherever it floated the pain just... ebbed away. 
...
You opened your eyes again. When he stopped, there was no more pain in your leg. None at all. And he was just... sitting there. Staring at you.
...
“Y-you...” You croaked. The hole in the centre of his eyelight shrank a fraction. The magic felt like it was doing something to you; you could feel your shoulders slowly unwinding, chest relaxing enough for you to take breaths that actually filled your lungs, throbbing head settling down. “... You healed me?”
... Was clubbing him with a flashlight the wrong idea?
...
... He made a sound. Several sounds, actually... soft, throated, deep and staggered... chuffing, like a tiger. Such a gentle noise, for such a giant monster...
...
He seemed to make a decision. With one last little chuff and a nod to himself, his socket lidded... and he laid down next to you. One of his thick-as-your-head arms gently looped over your middle; you were vaguely aware of his centipede body gathering itself into the little alcove, some of it draping lazily over your lower legs.
... Keyword ‘vaguely’ aware. You were so tired, so tired and sick of being in pain, that you barely even wiggled in response to his strange cuddle-like gesture. He was... actually pretty warm... and he smelled like amber and campfires.
...
You were asleep before you could remember you needed to be scared of him touching you- that claws carding lovingly through your hair wasn’t supposed to feel nice.
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dramionediscussion · 3 years ago
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hot take: sometimes I really dislike the way pstsd is portrayed in fics. the authors make the characters' entire lives about their trauma, when it doesn't really work like that. not throwing shade, but I recently read a fic where hermione was angry all the time, constantly lashed out at her friends and family, made terrible decisions, and in the end, blamed it all on her war ptsd (ofc, you can do all of the above even with trauma, but making a character with toxic behaviours and then blaming it on mental illness is disgusting, especially when the character appeared to be "cured" out of nowhere in the end).
most people with ptsd aren't closed-off and angry at the world. while I understand that this seems to be an interesting backdrop for characters, it's a harmful depiction of what a serious illness is like. they're normal, they have fun, but they're also different. they have nightmares about people they love hurting them (this is esp true in a war setting, when you don't know who can be a spy, or in this case, a death eater/under the imperius), sometimes their nightmares are completely different from what happened. they can go about their day as normal, until something triggers them, and then they can't remember how to breathe. it could be something completely random on the street, but it could stimulate a memory, a flashback, anything.
panic attacks : not everyone who has ptsd has panic attacks. I've seen this in both novels and fics alike - all characters with severe trauma have panic attacks, when it doesn't usually work like that. sometimes, ptsd anxiety just means frenetic energy, when you can't stop doing something. that could be talking/walking/thinking, literally anything, and you can't stop doing it. you feel overwhelmed in crowds and with loud noises, and you just need to go somewhere quiet. also, the constant feeling of boredom is always present--if you stop doing something, you feel like the darkness might just take you out. so you fill your time with doing whatever will keep your mind off your memories.
most importantly: please, please, please don't make the ptsd just "go away" by having your characters confide in their love interest/friends. I've seen a few fics where hermione has ptsd and talks about it to draco, and she automatically feels better, like a "weight is lifted from her shoulders". it. does. not. work. like. that. she's going to feel ashamed for feeling these things, for not being "normal", she's going to feel embarrassed for telling him all her deepest, darkest emotions, she'll regret it, she'll be terrified of his judgement, she'll feel like she's overwhelmed him and lost him, and most of all, she won't know how to express her emotions - another thing I've noticed in fics is when the characters tells a clear, concise story of what exactly happened and the triggers they have.
the brain is a weird place. it doesn't always have all the facts of what happened, and it relies on memories. memories are notoriously unreliable. sometimes your brain covers up the really bad stuff on purpose, and you have no memory of it. you definitely don't have a clear idea of what happened. like, if we take the scene in the RoR in the deathly hallows, hermione's memories won't be like "so we went to the room of requirement, and crabbe started a fire, and xxx happened", it's going to be like "draco, goyle, crabbe-oh god-fire-harry-ron-help-smoke-cant breathe-fire-heat-help-me-help-help-help" and it's actually huge if you can remember that much. your memories are going to go in and out of focus, they're not going to be in order, they're going to be a giant tangled mess in your mind. you definitely can't paint a clear story to whomever you're talking to, and especially not in order. you'll be able to remember some parts more clearly than others, some you can't remember at all, they're going to go rapid-fire in your mind, and oscillate between your nightmare memories and your actual memories and the memories you thought might happen but didn't actually happen until you can't differentiate between anything anymore and it's all blurry pictures and smells and sounds and this overwhelming feeling of panic you can feel rattle your bones.
this ended up being a lot longer than I was originally planning, but oh well. again, this is not meant to throw hate or shade at an author or fic, but highlight the importance of a true portrayal of pstd.
happy writing!
Thank you for this!! I too have read fics with the examples you mentioned. Personally I don't have experience with people who go through PTSD/panic attacks so I didn't realize that some depictions are not entirely accurate. So thank you for clarifying!
Everyone read this!!!
- Lisa
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intynidad · 4 years ago
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Hi hi!! Could I request the dorm leaders (if that’s too many, your favorites!) with a child MC? (Parental or older sibling sorta relationship) (also by child I mean 8-10 years old) Have a wonderful day, drink some water and eat protein! 💕
@moomoo-mochi OMG THANK YOU??
I love this so much I’m just a sucker for this kind of prompt!!
Also, this will be based on how I acted as a toddler (spoiler I was a stupid kid)
a health potion with risu giggles for a fellow merchant!
(also sorry I didn't know what to write for iidia or vil and I didn't want to write something that I wasn't satisfied 
The beginning 
-you careless puppy, How many times I told the two of you to be careful!- professor crewel was scolding you and your lab partner...well at your lab partner more than you, you were kinda busy trying to get out of the cauldron to listen 
You and your lab partner were assigned to do a regression potion that was supposed to work in reviving dead plants or turning rotten food into edible again but when you were measuring the exact amount of the last ingredient to finish the potion, somebody accidentally pushed you making you spill all of the ingredients...and yourself into the cauldron.
so now there you are extremely confused about what just happened and incapable of taking care of yourself for the 3 days the potion was supposed to last and now your lab partner has to take care of you until the potion wore off or mister crewel finds an antidote
Riddle Rosehearts
Riddle has an abusive mother and no younger siblings so our dear tomato is lost, he doesn’t know any rules that would help him take care of a little child so he asks trey for help (like most of heartsalybul when they have problems).
trey lets you eat pastries while riddle does his dorm leader duties but he looked away for a second and oops no child in sight...ok time to panic.
riddle was scolding some heartsalybul students that spilled all of the red paint in one of the chairs so now not only the other members of the dorm couldn’t continue painting but now the unbirthday party had to cancel and you know what happens when you break one of the queen’s rules
-OFF WITH YOUR- Riddle swung his magic pen
-wead!- riddle turn around to see you with a rose in your hand pretending it to be a magic pen
-off widd your wead!- you repeated swinging the rose up and down
riddle was stroked by your cuteness like a truck; he was speechless (also because picking roses was against the rules but lest ignore it) the two students he was scolding ran away because their dorm leader was picking you up and giggling at your little imitation of him 
-nono Off, with, your, head!-
-off wid your wead!-
Leona kingschoolar
-agh how annoying- the savanaclaw dorm leader wasn’t a big fan of children and much less taking care of them, he probably was gonna throw you at Ruggie or jack, both of them had younger siblings so they could probably take care of you better but there is one thing he didn’t count off
-LEONA OJI-TAN-...fuck, today was the day Cheka came to visit his dear oji-tan, now Leona is not only stuck with a brat but with a furball too.
-who are them uncle?-(owo who this) Cheka waved at the child that was behind his uncle’s legs-hi I am Cheka, wanna play tag?!-oh ho ho this gives him an idea
-Cheka this is Y/N, your new playmate-the lion cub had a little sparkle in his eyes
-you two can play all day and ill be watching you from that tree so have fun-hell yea he was a genius Cheka and you are entertained, and he can nap is a win-win situation for everyone
-WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH- and there it goes his perfect plan
-oi, what happened- you were in  sitting on the ground while hugging your knee and crying your heart out and Cheka kneeled beside you trying to comfort you 
-I’m-I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to push you it was an accident- now he looked like he wanted to cry 
-agh you two cut it out-Leona said in a low growl while kneeling beside you-is just a scratch don’t worry just let me-he picked you up.
now all of you were in his room he gently  bandages your knee while Cheka was holding your hand for “moral support”
-kiss to make it better Leona oji-tan!-
-only if both of you promise to be more careful-Cheka nodded- ok “pain, pain go away *woshh*, there you go- you moved your knee and started to giggle while Cheka was already dragging you to continue playing, the two of you were lucky that both were cute because not everybody can see this side of Leona and live for telling it 
Azul Ashengrotto
-Come, come everyone!-the leader of octaville tapped his fedora-For the price of 25 madol you can have for a limited time only a  photo of our dear Y/N as a toddler!-
and of course, our dear capitalist Ursula is taking profit from this situation.
you were sitting in a little chair all dolled up while jade took pictures of you with different students and Floyd was taking the money from dose poor unfortunate souls
An hour passed and there were still about 50+ students in line for a photo when Azul notice something about you.
your hands were in the form of a tiny fist and your eyes were watery and you haven’t smiled at the camera for the last photos even when Floyd made funny faces behind jade you weren’t enjoying this.
usually, he wouldn’t care about it, he was making some good money and that was the important thing but you were different, you were his friend
-the lounge is closed, everyone get out, Floyd take care of that and jade-he looked for a second at you-make something warm for our little guest-
all of the students in line emitted different protest sounds but a look at Floyd grin and everyone was already on the exit
-sorry for all that little one- he lightly patted your hair-what about I pay you for your work with some treats?-
-*happy gasp* YESH!!-you hugged his leg with a strong grip-
-nee~ nee~, why Azul can have a hug from shrimpy and I cant?-
-FWOYD!! :D-
Kalim al asim
-Kalim, please calm down-Jamil said looking like he is gonna pop up a blood vessel
-LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y/N LITTLE Y-he was let’s say...excited about this situation
-JAMILLOOKATTHEMTHEYARESOCUTEANDTINYIWANNATROWAPARTYFORJUSTTHEMOMGTHEYARESOCUTE- 
-Remember to breathe Kalim and please calm down you are scaring them-Jamil said while kneeling to be on your level
-*gasp* I’m sorry y/n, I’m just so happy to be with you, are you hungry?-you give a quick nod
for the surprise of Jamil, the fact that you turned into a child made Kalim more independent???
he knew that crewel sensei asked Kalim to take care of you but he kinda assumed he is the one who will end up taking care of both of you.
-emmm Jamil-and here we go-have you seen Y/N around?-
-excuse me whAT??!!- Jamil shouted- HOW DO YOU LOSE A CHILD?-
-I didn’t lose them I just….temporally misplace them...OK YES, I LOST THEM BUT IS NOT MY FAULT WE WERE PLAYING HIDE N SEEK!-
-sure sure Kalim never anything is your fault-Jamil said between teeth-
Kalim could be a literal ray of sunshine but one of his bigs flaws were his “rich person behavior”
because he was spoiled and lived in a bubble he didn’t understand that his actions had consequences, in the good side he was working on it.
two hours had passed since that moment are you were nowhere to be found
now the scarabia duo was starting to panic
-OMG HOW IM SO CARELESS THAT I LOST THEM WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THEM IM THE WORST FRIEND IN THE WORLD-
-KALIM CALM DOWN, PANIC WILL NOT HELP IN THIS SITUATION-
-WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME-
-BECAUSE YOU ARE YELLING-
-*snore*-
-..............................-
-Jamil,...did that pillow made a sound?-
-I think so ?-
*SNOOOREEE*
and there you were sleeping under a big mountain of pillows you fell asleep while playing so that, why you didn’t, respond to the calls of the two boys
-ok Kalim we found them and I hope this had taught you a lesson about taking care of things...well taking care of people-
-oh for the great seven I thought I was gonna have a heart attack-
-now you know how I feel and I really would appreciate it if you used this experience to-
-*SNOOOOREEE*-
And now Kalim was sleeping beside you
great seven give Jamil patience and have mercy on both of you when morning comes 
Malleus draconia
-arent you a little thing fufufufuf-
-old man be careful with them-silver said
you might be wondering, I thought malleus would take care of toddler Y/N?
Well, that was the plan...malleus is a reserved man, with no friends more than his two guards and the older fae that raised him, that was until he meets you, you looked at him in the eyes with no fear just a hint of curiosity.
you gave him his first nickname,”tsunotaro” a childish name that was almost disrespectful to the heir of the valley of thorns and one of the most powerful wizards of all twisted wonderland, yet you called him that silly name, you hugged him, you listen to him and he listened to you, you were his friend and precisely because that he left you at the care of Lilia, the mere thought of you screaming and running away from him made his heart ache
that always happened…
Malleus is used to that, since he was a child people looked at him with fear or caution but never with kindness except for one person, you
and he was determined to let that like that, but he couldn’t stop thinking what if something happens to you?
what type of friend he would be if he lets somebody take advantage of you in this vulnerable state?
a peek wouldn’t hurt
there you were, in the flower bed of ramshackle dorm both planted, taking dandelions from around and with inexperience and tiny hands crafting a flower crown too small for anyone except you.
he looked at you from the shadows carefully to not being spotted warding you like the dragon he is.
-hewo-small and tired eyes fixed behind a large tree
malleus was behind that tree…
-whats yowr name?-now standing up and slowly walking to the tree in question-are you shy?, is oke I won’t hurt yow-
like if a child could do any damage to him
-I made thwis fow you-you said reveling a second flower crown that was just a little bit bigger than the one in your head 
you let the flower crown on the floor near the tree and waited, malleus knowing how stubborn you were he knew you wouldn’t leave so he left his hiding spot thinking about the screams and the fear your little face will have
-waaaa, you big! (giggles)-again, no signs of fear-uppa uppa!-you said while rising your hands to the sky and opening and closing your little fists
malleus emitted a low chuckle and picked you up, when you got to his eye level immediately went for his horns  touching and grabbing all your little hands could
-you sure are a strange thing, little child of man-
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lilyofthestyx · 3 years ago
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Headcanons about each of the lords (+the Duke if you're writing about him) if they ever happen to adopt a little child?
THANK YOU ANON MY THE UNIVERSE BLESS YOU WITH PILLOWS THAT ARE COLD ON BOTH SIDES
okay okay okay okay this has definitely been on my mind so lets get into the thick of it
Alcina Dimitrescu
(im starting off with alcina for obvious reasons)
Alcina would be on the way to the church with the slimy moron, the demented doll, that disgusting manthing and Mother Miranda
She'd kiss her daughters goodbye and head off through the snow, quietly muttering about how cold her ankles were
while Moreau is literally up to his chin in snow but its fine
as she gets closer to the church she keeps hearing this. thing. it sounded familiar but she couldn't exactly put her finger on it.
she strays from the path to find it because it was just so familiar
as she weaves her way through the snow, her dress gets caught on something. she leans down to get her dress unstuck when she realises its this tiny basket.
like seriously. just a little woven basket in the middle of the snow. and it doesn't look like its been there for that long- there's hardly any snow on it
when she tugs at her skirts again, the basket makes the same noise she's been hearing
she stands back up to her full height, staring down at the basket with narrowed eyes
this cannot be a good idea, can it? opening a strange basket in the woods after being lured out here. it's probably some village manthing's trap.
she's about to step away when she hears the sound again- much more intense and much more clear
Alcina leans down and opens the lid of the basket
inside is this tiny thing- all soft and warm in a padding of blankets
a baby
she stands and looks around
who on earth would be so moronic as to leave their baby in the snow? it's much too cold for a baby to survive-
oh
she sighs, getting onto her knees to pull the baby from the blanketed basket
the meeting will have to wait. it's too cold even in the church for this tiny thing.
when she finally makes it back home, she's greeted by her daughters in a swarm of buzzing flies.
as they manifest in their true forms, they're asking what- or who, rather- their mother brought for dinner
Alcina smiles and shakes her head, unwrapping the small bundle clinging to her breast
"this... is your new sibling" she announces, "they'll be staying with us from now on."
and the sisters are ecstatic. a new sibling!
Daniela especially is happy that she is no longer the youngest. she usually is the one to parade around the castle with her sibling on her shoulders, showing them the coolest hiding spots for hide-n-seek and the windows with the best views
Bela is incredibly protective. like. incredibly.
she smelt blood from across the castle and when she found her little sibling sniffling about a skinned knee earned from a game of tag with Angie, she lost her shit and almost broke the damned thing with her sickle
And Cassandra has been caught reading bedtime stories by nightlight multiple times. she tries to play it off but everyone knows that she loves- absolutely adores- her newest sibling
we all know Alcina is such a wonderful mother to the girls so adding another baby to the mix was a guaranteed success
she's so doting and careful (a little overprotective at times but she means well) as she is with her girls
as the child grows into a teen, she panics a bit because "my beautiful baby is growing into such a beautiful, talented adult" so expect a lot of late night visits when she just sits on the edge of her bed and just admires how much you've grown
Salvatore Moreau:
now this one is an easy one too if i'm 100% honest
think Moses type beat
(if you don't know, Moses was found in the riverbank in a little basket)
apparently i really like baskets
anyways
Moreau was so out of his element when he found this tiny, screaming, writhing piece of soft flesh
the first few weeks were rough
but he eventually got the hang of it (with Alcina's help of course)
he would take his child fishing every now and then- just the two of them out on a boat for a few hours
the kid would literally swim more than walk and that little fact would make Moreau so freakin proud
also this kid would be so well-versed in movie and film history it's stupid
like expect this little 4 or 5 year old babbling not about toys or snow or how many sticks they found but instead about the copyright war over the film Nosferatu and the destruction of its copies
Moreau, as the child gets older (like 11 or 12) would have just a tad of trouble trying to keep the kid out of the village
he'd wake up one day and go out onto the lake, expecting his child to be swinging their legs off the dock and watching the sun rise over the water
and when he finds that they were not, in fact, swinging their legs off the dock and watching the sun rise over the water, he p a n i c s
i mean, full blown red alert
all of the lords are summoned to help Moreau look for his missing kid, the lycans are given an article of clothing to help find the scent, Mother Miranda goes to search the village herself- the whole shebang
and when the kid is found playing with the village children, Moreau bursts into tears
needless to say, the kid isn't allowed to go to the village anymore
until they're fifty (Moreau's words, of course)
but the kid sneaks off more and more as they get older, using Alcina or Donna or Karl as an excuse to be away
and Moreau knows but he never says a word
seeing his child happy and free with the kids their age makes him happy, even if he is a tad, a tad, a tad bit nervous
Donna Beneviento:
when Donna found this child huddled up against the base of the stairs leading up to her front door, she at first thought it was a doll of hers
it was only when she actually walked outside that she realised it was this shaking, shriveled child in tattered clothes
she spent a good five minutes just staring, wondering how on earth she's supposed to react
that's when Angie jumped in and pulled at her skirt, telling her to "let the kid inside, already!"
Donna went immediately to work on some clothes- why on earth were they wearing such ragged things?! it's freezing outside!- while Angie entertained in the parlour
honestly, it didn't go well
the kid was a little bit unsettled by the floating doll that moved and spoke on its own FOR GOOD REASON
and when Donna walked back in with her measurement tape and some fabric, the kid backed themselves into a corner of the room with their gangly legs tucked into their chest
Angie sighs from the opposite side of the room, letting her little feet fidget as she gestures to the kid. "they're no fun" she pouts, "wouldn't even let me know their name"
Donna puts her materials down slowly and lifts her veil back before attempting a small smile
it takes a while but upon the offer of food, the kid finally lets Donna make them some clothes while Angie makes conversation
she works in silence, only offering small awkward smiles
Angie finally brings up the topic of where their parents are when the kid's clothes are done
when the child goes silent, Donna nods in understanding before hurrying off to make a room for them
as Angie helped tug the blankets up to the child's ears, they promised they'd be gone in the morning
Angie was the one to tell them off.
"You'll stay as long as you need, you silly goose!"
and the child did
Donna would let them tag along for meetings so long as they promised to keep quiet and help keep Angie out of trouble
most of the time, it didn't work and they both would end up in trouble but Donna let them come nonetheless
and when the other Lords question where on earth this little kid came from- all dressed in black fabric that matched Donna's dress, she just shook her head and let Angie chase them off verbally
she'd spend literal HOURS locked in that workshop making new little friends for her child and when they were old enough, she'd let them into the workshop
and when they were even older, she'd walk them through making their very first doll on their own
she'd just watch with pride as they carefully painted the freckles with a shaky hand while Angie danced around their ankles singing of how excited she was to have another friend
The Duke:
he would be setting up shop near the base of the Dimitrescu castle when he catches a kid trying to steal some his wares
he wouldn't be terribly upset, more concerned
it wasn't something shiny or expensive that they were trying to steal
it was some of the steaming-hot food he had left to cool in the wintry air
he confronted the child gently and with a warm smile
"That's cordon bleu," he says, gesturing to the steaming plate. "I can make you some if you'd like"
and as the child eats, the Duke continues tidying up his shop for any future customers
the child, through a mouthful of food, points to different items and asks their purpose, their price, their possible enhancements
the Duke answers each question with patience, happy for the company
but he doesn't just let the questions go one-way
"How about a trade?" he asks as the child asks about the strange-looking bottle of green liquid. "An answer for an answer."
the child agrees and the Duke starts to peel back layers of why the child was here looking for food
they had been orphaned by the last lycan attack, only barely making it out by fleeing into the woods
they tried to forage off of berry bushes and successfully managed to kill a pig- only for the blood to attract lycans before they could properly eat it
the Duke nods and continues busying himself with his shop, feeding the horse that pulls the wagon
the thought had hit him when he watched the child petting his horse
that horse hated everyone. including him at times.
maybe...
when he offered to take the child in, the kid nearly burst into tears and thanked him repeatedly, swearing to earn their keep
and they did, seven times over
what started off as a purely business venture morphed into something more as time went on
when the child would come back from selling smaller household items like gasoline and the occasional package of bullets, the Duke would have them climb onto the roof of the wagon and watch the sun set together with a plate of food
speaking of which, like Moreau, the Duke would raise the most cultured child
this kid would know how to prepare and identify different dishes and their ingredients just by looking at them or smelling them
and their palate would be far more sophisticated than most adults
the Duke, as the child gets older, would eventually allow them to choose destinations to set up shop- even outside of the village
wherever his child wants, the shop would go
it allows them to see the world and its earthly wares together- something the Duke had lacked in his life before the child was brought into the picture
Karl Heisenberg:
listen to me very very carefully
this man would be the most chaotic father ever to walk this earthly realm
when he finds this kid in the elevator of his factory, he's kinda standing there like 🧍 "what the hell-"
and when the kid starts spamming the button while maintaining eye contact, he kinda snaps out of it and starts chasing after them as they drop down to a different floor
it goes on for a solid twenty minutes before he finally managed to track them down in the corner of his office
and when i say this man is confused, i freaking mean it
i mean
why the HELL would some random kid be in his factory? don't they like... play with ponies or something at this age?
to be fair, this man literally has never been allowed a childhood so
obviously he starts scolding the kid ("what the hell are you doin' in here? it's dangerous and there's some really freaky shit here, kid"), dragging them to a nearby sink because "holy shit kid, you're filthy"
the kid is silent essentially the whole time, just kinda staring into his eyes
and of course Karl's gonna be like "...the fuck're you doin'?"
the kid's face is cleaned off and Karl sends them back out towards the village with a scratchy blanket he pulled out of the bottom of his desk drawer
he's working on his 'equipment' one day when he starts reaching for a wrench, keeping his focus on the body on the table
when i say this man jumps skyhigh at the kid asking a question, i mean it
he drags the kid back out, yelling about how dangerous it is and how "you shouldn't do that! you're gonna get yourself killed! go back home!"
the kid doesn't listen
it becomes a regular thing- Karl finds the kid wandering around the factory, Karl brings the kid out of danger, Karl tells them to get lost
eventually (day thirteen of this) he asks why the child keeps coming back
and he hates the answer he gets
it was something along the lines of "it's warm and there's nowhere else for me to go"
so Karl reluctantly eagerly lets them stay
it's a lot of rules at first (a kid shouldn't be allowed to just wander around a bunch of mindless cyborg killers, let alone a factory) but eventually the child learns to mind Sturm and the others
doesn't mean Karl does not have a fullblown heart attack when he walks into his workspace to find the kid tracing their finger along the center of the battery for the Soldats
after a very long talk (and some deep breathing) Karl reluctantly eagerly lets them sit against the very far wall to watch him work on the machinery- not, under any circumstances, the actual bodies
as the child blossoms into a young adult, they start to help out with certain aspects of Karl's work
exclusively machinery because Karl could not physically handle having his kid watch him get elbow-deep into a corpse
and Karl is so freaking proud of it
when the Soldat is kicked to life, he's got his kid in his arms and cackling like the proud dad he is
yeah. paternal Heisenberg>>>
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tokoyamisstuff · 3 years ago
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Tender Ch. 2 - Loki x Mute! Reader
Summary: Winning the favour of the God of Mischief is not an easy task - even if he has already fallen for you.
Warnings: None.
Words: ~1600
A/N: Since I am writing several Series at once, together with Oneshots in between, the chapters are gonna be a bit shorter so I keep no one waiting. Hope that is alright!
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[Story Masterlist] [All of my Works]
Taglist: @austynparksandpizza​ @queenariesofnarnia​​ @commonintrest​​ @buckylokisimp​ @just-someone-who-likes-to-write @lxdyred @frostay​​​​
The first weeks after your arrival at the Avengers Compound passed by rather uneventful.
Due to the fact that you neither had a family you could be attached to, nor many belongings ever since HYDRA had kidnapped you and destroyed your home, Tony insisted on you living at the tower - like many of the other members as well.
Everything was just so new and exciting, not even Loki’s gleeful mockery could bring you down from that high.
Little did you know that all of his pep talks about those ‘inferior heros’, the ‘illusion of power’ or how no one was ever truly good or evil had a completely different reason:
An attempt to get you to leave, for your own good. After everything that had happened to you, the god was worried how another fight would affect you.
Anyway, it was a luxurious life compared to your old one, with so many kind persons and new perspectives. And you were sure to return that favor once you’d learn to control your powers!
So until then, you would train as hard as possible and care for your new friends through little acts of service. Caring for others came quite natural to you, may it be listening to their problems or simply complimenting them to see their faces brighten up.
And for some reason, that particular character trait was the one thing Loki found the most annoying.
How could a person so naive and pure think they could actually join in battles against evil? You’ll only end up getting yourself killed - and to be honest, Loki thought this to be a waste.
And even though he’d never admit it, but jealousy was starting to get the better of him the more he observed you getting along with everyone.
They adored you - and they were very right in doing so!
But that would mean that you were just nice to everyone, not especially to him, right?
Every time you’d help Bucky through a panic attack, braided Thor’s hair or helped Banner in the laboratory, Loki only wished you’d be with him instead - and if he had to burn this whole place to the ground for this to happen.
Yet his pride kept him from voicing that desire.
For you on the other hand, it was frustratingly hard to get through to the God of Mischief. In comparison to how he treated the other Avengers, he was always reserved and courteous towards you, yet also unreachable distanced.
Only on a weekend where the other Avengers were on a mission, the two of you found a way to actually bond with each other, if only a little.
Loki had once again read every book he borrowed from Stark’s library, now having a reason to leave his room again. At least those subhumans won’t be there to drain on his nerves...
When he crossed the living room on his way to the elevator, he blinked heavily as he saw you plainly chilling on the sofa. He was just about to turn around and leave, when you hectically gestured for him to stay.
“Hey, Loki! 😊” you wrote on a notepad, holding it up for him to read.
“Greetings...” he spoke between gritted teeth, but your smile wouldn’t falter, so he stood rooted in the middle of the room.
“Do you want to watch a movie together?” How blunt could you be to ask a literal god directly, just like that?!
“Actually, I-” When your eyes met, Loki cut himself off, the words being caught in his throat. “Well, if you’re in dire need of my sublime company...”
You were quick to sit up straight, offering a bowl with popcorn to the Odinson which he curiously accepted. When he answered your question about what sweets they eat on Asgard, he wouldn’t understand why you’d laugh. Apparently ‘nuts and grapes’ are not considered treats on earth. Got it.
Yet that little huff you blew out of your nose instead of making an actual laughing sound came somewhat endearing to him, especially in contrast to your other noisy companions. “Adorable...”
Without even asking first, you’d wrap the other half of the blanket around Loki, effectively closing the gap between you two.
“Wha- I’m not cold!” he blurted out, visibly overchallenged by the sudden closeness. “I’m a Jotun, hel!”
What was he even so worked up about? Geeze...
“But the weather on Asgard is rather humid, right?” you wrote down, with him nodding approvingly. "It allows all kinds of flowers to blossom, other than this metal brick” he explained, your excited look not failing to keep him talking. “You should see it some time.”
Loki’s eyes were now locked on the screen, and you could basically grasp his homesicknes, very well aware that a failure and war criminal like him would never be tolerated in those holy grounds ever again.
Great...now you had achieved the exact opposite of what you wanted.
You tugged on his arm so he’d shift your attention to you again, quickly writing something with a barely there sulk on your face:
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make you sad.”
Tears were already forming on the rim of your eyes, making Loki’s insides churn. “So sensitive...gods. Keep yourself together, would you.”
The Odinson instinctively wrapped an arm around you, his free hand petting your head as he pulled it to his chest. He was awfully warm for a frost giant, and his heart was hammering against his chest in a fastened pace - maybe just your imagination, though.
“Well, it’s winter...” he uttered, acting as if he actually cared about the plot of the movie. “I may not freeze, but you seemed cold. That’s all.”
You let your hand run across his collarbone, making him look down to you once again. He bit his lip as his icy glare met your warm one, eyes shimmering with earnest affection while you formed silent words with your lips:
“T-h-a-n-k y-o-u.”
“N-no need to thank me.” Just now Loki wondered what kind of spell you were using on him, being reduced to a shaking and stuttering mess.
No curse, no beauty ever before had bewitched him so much that he would lose his cool, let anyone peek under his confident mask, after all.
Not so long ago, when he was still considered the handsome Prince of Asgard, he would bed a different lover on each night, though never settling for anyone.
And after the revelation of his true heritage, even those fleeting encounters to ease his loneliness would falter - all that’s left was certainty that the theory he had ever since his childhood had proven to be true: 
That everyone had always secretly despised him, the failure of the family and disgrace to all of Asgard. Only through his Jotun blood they had found a reason to not play along with the royal courtesy anymore, showing their resentment up in the open.
But you...you looked at him with completely different eyes than anyone ever did.
Maybe he had become softer, weaker over time - or simply more mature. His mother once told him to seize the moment when someone truly special would cross his way, and to never let them go.
“We could do this more often.” You shoved the notepad in his line of sight, and just now he noticed that two hours had sure passed in an incredible speed.
Just the two of you, cuddled up on the sofa, enjoying each other’s presence instead of dealing with the troublesome past.
“Well...” Loki clawed into your upper arm softly, no intention of letting you out of his grasp already. “I am sure your other companions are more fun to be around. As you most likely already noticed, I am known for ruining the mood.”
Loki had a habit of talking ill about himself, and letting himself down as well. Yet as he saw you eagerly scribble on the notepad, he knit his brows together, impatient to what you’d say next.
“But I want to see you.” The word ‘you’ was written in a thicker font, underlined several times.
“Why?”, that was the first and only thing crossing his mind. And yet there you sat, shoving the notepad into his face with a stern look on your face.
Loki was rooted on spot as you put the notepad on the table, instead laying your hands on his cheeks and softly tugging on the edge of his lips. “S-m-i-l-e!”
“E-enough!” he carefully pushed your hands away, afraid you’d detect the mild blush on his face. “Then it shall be. What did you have in mind?”
“Whatever you want.”
Loki finally arrived at the library to return his books, even though with a few hours delay. Realizing just how much he had enjoyed that spontaneous meeting with you, he began to panic.
Was it really a good idea to repeat this?
He was almost 100% certain that it would only end in him ruining your trust in anyone completely, if he’d ever allow you to come close to his core.
Due to him having saved you back then, you probably see him as something better than he actually was - and gods, how disappointed you’ll be once you’d find out what he really is like...
It was probably for the best if this would never happen, with him just keeping on to admire you from afar...
After a while of just staring into the void, mentally debating about your offer, he couldn’t help the fact that he was already looking forwards to meeting you again.
Uncertain how to approach the matter, Loki was at least eager to show you his goodwill.
For you have been the first person who - despite everything he had done - was willing to give him another chance.
"Greetings. I need every available book about sign language.”
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shywitchyfangirl · 4 years ago
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Tips for Beginning Spirit Workers!
Me? Posting something useful instead of just memes? GASP!
1. Plan communication and housing methods in advance. This is your responsibility, not the spirits’. Housing can include binding them to an object, binding them to yourself, letting them wander your house, or (my personal method) building an astral temple for them. Communication can take all kinds of forms, including dreams, hallucinations, Ouija boards, body sensations, intrusive thoughts, and telepathy. When starting out, you’ll probably be working with sensations and intrusive thoughts, and work your way up to other forms. An important thing to remember is if you’re ever unsure if something was them, assume it was. False negatives do far more harm than false positives when you’re trying to learn how to communicate. Assuming your spirit said something they didn’t might annoy them, but denying real messages will prevent you from developing your senses and harm your relationship with them.
2. Set boundaries and keep them! It doesn’t matter who they are, how powerful they are, or if they’re a literal god. You have rights, and they do not own you. Take no excuses, make no compromises. You don’t need to explain anything. If you give some spirits an inch, they’ll take a mile. I have a rule that no one can possess me while I’m on my period. Why? Because I don’t want them to, end of discussion. If anyone throws a fit about your boundaries, you don’t want to work with them anyway. If you’re planning to let them stick around, setting house rules is also very important! (”Don’t mess with the other human residents” is always a good starting point.)
3. Doubt happens. Even the most experienced spirit worker has moments of “Oh gods, I’m just crazy and talking to myself.” Don’t beat yourself up over it! Healthy skepticism is what keeps us sane. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad spirit worker. Try taking a moment to reflect on the times when your spirits did something that proved themselves to you, because I promise, those moments will happen too! One of my earliest moments was when a spirit possessed my and drew a bunch of dicks in my notebook before I even realized what she was drawing. If you haven’t had one of those moments yet, just remember the golden rule: You can’t be imagining it, because your imagination should never surprise you.
3.5 Know your craft, not others’. Related to the above, a big source of doubt is when you read about other spirit workers’ doing things differently. Remember, the term UPG (Unverified Personal Gnosis) exists for a reason. Your Mileage May Vary! Every spirit worker experiences spirits differently. Different doesn’t mean wrong. Figure out what’s best for you and your spirits, and have confidence in your craft.
4. Don’t trust just anyone. Not every spirit you contact will be on your side. Some have their own agenda, others just want a plaything. Some spirits will pretend to be someone else to get past your defenses. The best way to stay safe is to always trust your instincts. If a spirit gives you a “bad vibe,” DITCH THEM. Never give them the benefit of the doubt. There is not a single spirit you NEED to have in your life, and thus there’s no reason to give a sketchy spirit a chance. Aside from that, don’t just assume any spirit you contact will be friendly and benevolent. Most spirit workers go through a “vetting” period of at least 3 months before deciding if a spirit is truly good to join their team. Yes, THREE MONTHS. You don’t want to allow just any powerful astral being into your life, do you? Remember, spirits have power, and they CAN hurt you. If you wouldn’t allow any random stranger into your house, don’t allow any random spirit into your life.
5. Do your research! Spirits aren’t human, and they don’t have the same wants and needs as humans. Research in advance what the particular species you’re summoning wants and needs. If they’re from a pop culture series, research the series. Research their friends, family, and enemies. Know who they will or won’t work well with. If they’re a nonhuman character, pay special attention to their species’ attributes, such as behavior, communication, and any unusual needs or weaknesses. You are responsible for your spirits’ safety while they’re with you! Remember, there’s no such thing as knowing too much. The more you know, the better prepared you’ll be!
6. Respect their boundaries. Not every spirit wants to be worshipped, especially pop culture ones. Some find it flattering, others find it creepy. Similarly, not every spirit wants to be your best friend forever, and not every spirit is eagerly waiting for your call every second of every day. Spirits may be cool, but don’t be a stalker. Give them some dang space. Also accept that many spirits don’t plan to stay with you forever. There may be a few that will be with you until you die (or even follow you to your next life!) but the vast majority have lives outside of you just like humans do, and there will be a time when you don’t need them or vice versa. Don’t feel bad about them leaving, and don’t try to force them to stay. Spirits come and go, and it does not mean you’re a bad spirit worker if you lose a few allies. Your closest friends will be the ones who choose you, and those are the ones you really want in your inner circle.
7. Don’t call up what you can’t put down. Always always ALWAYS have a banishing spell ready, and be sure to start small. Practice with a simple Pikachu before you go summoning Arceus. And keep that banishing spell handy during the vetting period! Many spirit workers suggest doing a banishing spell after every summoning unless you plan on letting the spirit stay permanently. It’s also always a good idea to have some kind of restraint the first few times you call on a spirit, even if it’s just a circle of salt. Personally I like to keep one of my stronger spirit family members around to babysit the new guys.
8. Always stay protected. Shield spells are your best friends. Use them. Keep them updated. There is never a reason to not be shielded. There is also never a reason to not have your house protected. At least once a month, update your wards, cleanse and banish everything, and recharge your home’s energy. Don’t worry, you can set your wards to whitelist your approved spirit family and any specific spirits you want to lure in, but it’s best to not allow just anyone in off the street. Consider placing sigils around to mark your territory as your own, or you may find someone or something trying to move in and claim your house for themselves! 
9. Know the facts about spirit attacks. The first rule is that you’re probably NOT being attacked. If you have to think “Was that a spirit? Am I being attacked?” you’re definitely not being attacked. Spirits are empowered by your fear, they WANT you to know they’re attacking you. One time when I was attacked, the spirit broke my rainbow fountain right in front of me in a way that made both separate lights simultaneously only glow blood red. That doesn’t just happen. And then they immediately and obviously tried to pull me out of my body so they could take it over. The other two times, the spirits tried so hard to suck me out of my body that it made me disoriented and felt like someone was vacuuming my head while my body felt cold. Spirit attacks are always obvious because they’re trying to scare you. Which leads to the second rule: NEVER PANIC. The more afraid you are, the more power they have over you. Stay calm, put up a shield, call a trusted alley to aid you, and banish their ass to next week. Remember, most spirits who attack are just bullies looking for a new toy to torment. Even a simple “fuck off” can give them the message you’re not worth the trouble.
10. Be prepared before opening up to possession. Possession is real, and it can be dangerous. With a trusted ally, it’s tons of fun, and you can even ask them to handle things like chores for you. With literally anyone else, you’re putting your life at risk. There is nothing stopping a strong enough spirit from throwing you off the nearest bridge. The good news is that forced, full possession is rare. The bad news is it can still happen, and it’s very hard to stop when it does. This is why it’s so important to vet your spirit allies before allowing them close to you, ESPECIALLY before letting them possess you. If a spirit shows any sign of not respecting your boundaries, get them the hell out of your life. Luckily, partial possession is much more common (when you’re still in control but either being influenced, or only your limbs are moving without your input). This version can be fought off via internal struggle or countered with a cleansing spell or an ally’s help.
11. Get creative with offerings. Offerings are Spiritwork 101. You won’t be getting a lot of help from spirits if you don’t pay them back. But the important part is knowing exactly what to give them. There are certainly things that are standard, and things that are easy enough to guess (Moon water for the moon goddess, flowers for the nature spirit, etc.) But the best offerings are ones that are personal, creative, and meaningful. Your fairy friend probably has a thousand flowers, but have they tried your pancakes? Would your familiar like a friendship bracelet in their favorite color? Hell, does your ancient ancestor want to try Starbucks? Also note that offerings can be experiences, not just gifts. Some spirits love to hear new music. Jevil loves to possess me and play games, or even just watch me play them. And Seam likes to be cuddled while he possesses a body pillow, or to be read to. The better you get to know your spirit friends, the more ways you’ll find to make them happy.
12. Recognize a spirit calling, but don’t answer them all. As you progress in spirit work, you’ll start receiving “spirit callings”. Callings are different for everyone, but they’re generally feelings of obsession over a certain spirit. You may find yourself thinking “everything would be okay if X was here” when you’re having a bad day. You may find yourself wanting to know everything about them. You might notice signs of them, such as feathers if they have wings.  If it’s a pop culture spirit, you may start obsessively tracking down fanworks of them. If you can’t get a spirit out of your mind, you’re probably being called! This means that good things could happen if you work with this spirit (though it does NOT mean the relationship will last forever!). However, this doesn’t mean you should answer ever single calling. It’s always important to know your limits. If you already have lots of spirits hanging around, adding one more won’t benefit you or them, no matter how strongly you’re called to them. Remember, there will always be another calling. 
13. Know your limits. Speaking of which, remember that you’re responsible for your spirits, and you should never take on more than you can handle. Spirit hoarding is a real thing, and it’s harmful to everyone involved. Know how many spirits you can handle at once, and know how close you can get to each of them. My astral temple is designed to let dozens of spirits come and go as they please, but of those, I’m only comfortable getting truly close to exactly two at a time. There is no shame in letting a spirit you no longer need go before bringing in a new one. There is also no shame in not being perfect. If you need some space for a few days, take it. If all you can muster today is a halfhearted “hello” to your familiar, do it. Your spirit allies will always be there waiting once you’re feeling better. If they’re true allies, they’ll understand if you’re not feeling well and need some time to yourself.
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intergalacticwanderer · 3 years ago
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It happened faster than any of them could react.
Overall, things had been going well. The sea monsters were on their last legs, they had the numbers with all of the Mighty Nein present, and it was only a matter of time before they’d come out on the other side. But in combat mere seconds can make all of the difference and one monster slipped through at just the wrong place and time, burying its claws into Kingsley’s back.
He swore, blood bursting from his neck and the monster’s eyes bleeding black, but it wasn't enough, the monster digging the claws in deeper and dragging him off of the ship, two of them going over the rail and into the ocean. He heard someone screaming his name, muffled through the water - and then the claws found his throat, and he didn't hear anything at all.
But something else started to happen.
He didn't know where he was. He knew, at the very least, that he wasn't in the ocean, his surroundings too indistinct and no longer able to feel the water around him. But even with being able to tell where he wasn’t, that still didn’t tell him anything about where he was. In fact, the only source of light Kingsley could see was - himself?
He looked down, startled, and saw that his own form seemed to be made of softly glowing light, a strange in between of tangible and intangible, floating in place. He... he didn’t understand. What was this? Kingsley raised a hand, both confused and awed at the sight.
The fingers began to disintegrate right in front of him.
He recoiled at the sight and the hand - HIS hand - broke apart even further, the once distinct outline now breaking into individual motes of light that slowly drifted away. He scrabbled with his other hand, as if to try and staunch a bleeding wound, but all that did was scatter the remaining bit of light from the hand even faster and he yanked his arm back. To his horror it was happening on other parts of his body as well, chunks carving out and being eaten away, motes continuing to drift, like paper burning into embers, or scattering sea foam, or or or - It felt like he should be hyperventilating. Was he hyperventilating? There wasn’t any sound, he couldn’t tell, could he even-?
Kingsley tried to hold on to his thoughts but they began to disintegrate too, and that realization, the fact that he could feel that happening, sent a bolt of terror through him even greater than the sight of what was happening to his body. He twisted in place, panic rising higher and higher as his body continued to disintegrate, looking for something, anything around him, but. Nothing.
The remaining parts of his legs and tail separated from his torso, stomach now gone, and while it felt like there should have been sound it continued to be completely silent, his thoughts reeling and disoriented as the parts spun away, quickly dissolving and scattering. What was- he couldn’t- who-
Further light scattered and so did his memories. His thoughts. His name. He drifted, motes rising up from near his eyes. Something from eyes. Tears? He didn’t know. Couldn't know. He was small, getting smaller, too small, no stop pleasenoPLEASESTOPNOPLEASE-
Sensation and clarity of thought slammed into him.
Kingsley (Kingsley!) gasped in a breath of air, coughing and shuddering. He was cold. Wet. Someone was holding him, cradling him between arms, one under his shoulders, the other under his knees, and his tail was dangling, limp. He blinked open his eyes. Two faces were directly above him, and there were glimpses of others in his peripheral, just out of direct sight but hovering close. The first face he could see was Fjord, wet hair clinging to his face and breathing heavily. He... he was the one holding him, wasn’t he. The second was Jester, shaking hands hovering over his chest and a faint shimmer fading from the air. He met her eyes.
“Jester...?”
A sharp inhale, and then a laugh, which turned into a heavy, wracking sob, and Jester buried her face into his chest and continued to cry. Others poured in then, crowding close with words of worry and comfort, but Kingsley barely heard them, still too stunned and numb from all that had just happened, and he didn’t react at all.
***
Over the next few days, Kingsley found himself in the company of at least one other member of the Mighty Nein at all times.
Fjord asked him for more advice and assistance around the ship. Jester sought him out even more than normal to ask about drawings, or tattoo ideas, or ship gossip. Caduceus invited him meditate. Caleb and Essek just happened to read their books nearby. Beau dragged him along to sparring practice, his complaints that he didn't even fight hand to hand normally falling on deaf ears. Yasha ended up clinging to him during sleep (though, in that case, he had been the one to initiate at least half of those). And Veth - well, he was pretty sure Veth was just straight up spying on him, but he didn't really begrudge her that.
Usually, Kingsley would have found the hovering his friends were doing to be suffocating, but this time? He sought their company right back, determined to not be alone.
There was no way around it - he had died. Full stop. That would have been bad enough on it's own but of course he had an... interesting relationship with death and revival, and it didn’t escape him that Jester had only started crying once he’d said her name. Like she’d been waiting to hear what his first word would be.
Wondering if that word was going to be “empty.”
He couldn’t tell if that made him feel better or worse. Better because they obviously cared about him, wanted him to be okay and to be the one to come back. Worse, because, well. Last time he’d been the one to come back saying empty. And they had to have gotten that fear from somewhere.
He sighed, pulling the blanket around his shoulders closer as he sat on the deck, watching the bright light of Catha above in the sky. Everyone was out on the deck at that moment, quietly talking after a late night meal and Caleb's dancing lights softly illuminating things along with the moonlight.
The main thing eating at him was the time in between falling into the ocean and the revivify spell, and he shuddered involuntarily at his mind’s word choice. He still didn't understand what that had been, but whatever it was it’d been terrifying, too strange to fall under normal experience and too vivid to “just” be a strange dream. The closest thing he had... his fingers tightened on his blanket. His reoccurring dream- nightmare- memory. Fighting in Cognouza, fighting back against Lucien, breaking free. Drifting away with hundreds of other lights. Drifting...
“Can I ask you all a question?”
Eight other heads turned to him, conversations stopping, and he had to fight to not shrink away. He was the one who’d asked.
“Kind of a morbid one but, wondering about who else has died here. You all know a lot more than me right now.”
He knew of a few past deaths. Glory Run Road. Those in... Cognouza. He wasn’t particularly fond of thinking about any of those from his perspective, however. Better to hear stories from others.
Several of them glanced between each other. Essek was the first to speak up.
“Personally, I have been lucky enough to not require any resurrection magic, and I hope it will remain that way in the future. I believe the same is true for Beauregard?”
Beau nodded. “Yeah. It’s gotten close a couple times but I’ve never actually died. Still kinda shocked at that, honestly.”
“I think I’ve died in a dream? Or maybe it was a vision...?” Yasha said, and when she got multiple confused looks she shrugged. “It was a trial from the Stormlord? I’m not really sure if it counts.”
“Let’s call it an in between,” Kingsley said.
“There’s the time I drowned and came back as a goblin,” Veth said quietly and the mood immediately dropped. She took a long drink from her cup. “And I guess there was also that time in the Happy Fun Ball.”
“Which is why we always check for traps,” Caleb said, giving her a pointed look.
Veth waved a hand in the air. “Yeah, yeah, I know.”
“Checking blast radius is also important,” Caduceus said, sipping on his cup of tea. “I was too close to an exploding crossbow bolt once,” Caduceus said matter of fact, and Kingsley was gobsmacked at how serene Caduceus was at having literally been blown up. Then again, it was Caduceus, so he shouldn't be that surprised.
Veth bristled. “Hey!”
“Not assigning any blame, just stating what happened,” Caduceus said and he took another sip.
Three people left, and he already knew what the answer could be from two of them. Jester met his eyes and he gave her a little nod. He was okay with them talking about it.
“The only one I’ve had was when we were fighting Lucien,” Jester said, hands resting in her lap. “It happened really fast, but Caduceus got me back up, and Fjord protected both of us. It was still pretty scary, though.”
“I also went down to Lucien, but later in the fight,” Caleb said. Essek looked particularly miserable at the reminder and Caleb gave him a squeeze on the shoulder. “But the Mighty Nein does not leave anyone behind, so I was okay. And the same is true for you,” Caleb said, giving Kingsley a meaningful look and a nod.
Kingsley nodded back, relieved both at the reassurance and the reminder that they never considered him to be the same as Lucien. Sometimes that was enough against the images of them lifeless below him.
(Sometimes.)
Fjord was the last one left, and he downed the rest of his drink before looking Kingsley directly in the eye.
“I died the first time we were attacked by Uk’otoa’s minions.”
Kingsley gave a start. “Wait, really?”
Fjord nodded. “Really.”
“But- that doesn't make sense.” Fjord was the captain and Uk’otoa attacks, those were just- they were just a thing. An annoying and very dangerous thing, sure, but what had happened to him, that was his fault, he hadn't been careful enough, or-
“Kingsley.”
Fjord still held his gaze, not looking away. “What happened the other day is not your fault. If anything, it’s mine.”
“It totally is,” Veth added in and Fjord sighed.
“Regardless, don't blame yourself. I died to just the same thing and it can happen to any of us. And taking care of this problem is why we’re all on the ship right now anyway.”
“Cheers to that,” Beau said, raising her cup in a toast. “I’ve had enough murder fish for my lifetime.”
There was murmured agreement around the group, several others draining their cups and Kingsley staring at the bottom of his when he finished. So that was six. Two thirds of the Mighty Nein had died at least once, himself included, and Fjord even had a similar cause of death to this last time. Definitely not alone. And yet...
“Do you remember anything? From when you died?”
He didn't look up from his cup but he could just imagine the amount of eyes that would be staring at him right now. Whatever, it was already out there.
“A little,” Fjord said. “Mostly just that it was cold, and feeling scared, but...” Fjord’s voice softened and Kingsley looked over at the change in tone. “I also feel like the Wildmother would have been there to catch me. And that’s comforting in its own way.”
Kingsley nodded, mind going back to the scent of a warm sea breeze. Even though he wasn't a follower himself he knew of the comfort that Fjord spoke of.
Which just made him feel even more miserable in that moment.
“So... nothing else? No kind of visions or anything?” No disintegrating and losing everything while completely alone? His voice cracked a little, no longer able to hide his anxiety.
“Nothing in particular.” Fjord frowned. “...are you alright, Kingsley?”
“... not really, no.” He was too worn out to lie at this point and he hunched over, pulling his blanket even tighter.
“Is that what happened to you Kingsley? A vision?” Jester asked.
“Yes? Maybe? I don’t know, vision isn't quite right, but- I don't know.”
“Well, how would you describe it?”
An involuntary shiver ran up his spine. “An experience, I guess? But not a good one, and if anyone ever tried to sell me that kind of ‘experience’ I’d straight up stab them.”
Kingsley went to take a drink before remembering he’d already finished his and he scowled at his empty cup. Caduceus passed over another one without a word and Kingsley murmured a small thanks, taking a long drink to wet his suddenly dry throat.
“I was made out of light or something like that? But-” His throat closed up and he had to loudly clear it to keep going. “I started to disappear. Like I was just a bunch of dandelion fluff and-” he mimed an explosion with his fingers- “poof. Just blowing away. And it wasn't just my body, it was my memories too. I think Jester got me just in time.” It took a moment for him to realize he was shaking.
“C'mere,” Yasha said quietly, moving closer and holding out an arm, Kingsley almost falling into her side and curling close. She held him in her arm and rubbed his shoulder, his shaking slowly subsiding. There was a stunned silence for several moments.
“What the fuck,” Beau breathed out, finally breaking the silence. “That’s so fucked up.”
“And concerning,” Essek said, a curled finger hovering over his mouth. “I have never heard of anything similar, even in death accounts from consecuted individuals. Caduceus?”
“I also have no idea,” Caduceus said, frowning. “Either way, that doesn't sound like how it should go. Not to me at least.”
“Or me,” Veth said, eyes wide. “Dying’s bad enough, that’s- that’s just excessive!”
“This isn’t exactly making me feel better,” Kingsley grumbled. Sure, it was commiserating, but mostly it was just reminding him of how alone he was with what happened.
Yasha squeezed his shoulder. “Well, what would make you feel better?”
“Answers,” Kingsley said without hesitation. “Just... what the hell that was. Or why it happened. Just something.” He curled further into Yasha’s side, his head and tail now the only things peeking out from under the blanket.
“I can research, but it will have to be after the voyage,” Caleb said. “I do not have a personal archive unfortunately.”
“Yet,” Essek added on, giving Caleb a quick smile. “My ability to help is limited but I could still assist with some of this research.”
“And I’ve got the Cobalt Soul stuff of course,” Beau said. “So, definitely a more long term thing but we’ll find out what we can.”
“Thanks guys,” Kingsley said quietly. He wasn’t a fan of the wait but just the chance of answers and the fact they were willing to do it still meant a lot.
All through this Fjord had had a hand on his chin, contemplative, and he looked over at both Jester and Caduceus. “Maybe you two could ask for some godly input? It’s worked before and it shouldn’t hurt at least.”
Caduceus nodded “I say it’d be worth trying out.”
Jester nodded as well. “Yeah! It’d be nice if we could get some answers right away. You want us to give it a shot Kingsley?”
“Please,” he said, latching onto the mention of ‘right away’ and pushing away the small shiver at directly asking the gods for help. That sort of thing was the entire reason he was even alive at all, but even when it was positive the idea of it still freaked him out a little. That didn’t mean he was going to pass up the help however, and he looked at the two of them expectantly.
Jester looked over at Caduceus. “You want me or you to go first?”
Caduceus gestured towards her. “You go ahead.”
“Okay!” Jester said, and Kingsley watched as she brought Sprinkle down from her shoulder and held him in front of her. “Okay Artie, if you’re there, we could really use some answers about what happened to Kingsley, it’d be suuuuper helpful.”
The moment Jester finished speaking Kingsley found himself hit with a sudden wave of tiredness, and as he slipped into sleep at Yasha’s side he saw one last glimpse of Sprinkle’s eyes flashing a brilliant green.
***
The first thing he heard was the quiet shuffling of cards.
He found himself sitting in a room. A tent? The lighting was soft, coming from a few candles scattered around the space and a lantern in the shape of a crescent moon hanging from the ceiling. Colorful cloth was draped from the walls (or was the walls, if the guess about the tent was correct), and while the colors were muted by the low light he saw it was mostly blues and purples, with a splash of red or silver here and there. The sound of shuffling cards came from the back, where a woman sat behind a low table and fanned out a set of cards in front of her, gave a satisfied nod, and shuffled the cards back into the deck, Kingsley catching a brief glimpse of one that said “The Dream” before it disappeared from view.
The woman was wearing a red coat.
She looked up, caught his eye, and smiled. “It has been awhile, has it not?”
Kingsley was unable to speak, heart in his throat but he nodded anyway. He recognized her, would recognize her anywhere, but he had never expected to actually see her again. That dream he’d had in his first day had been precious but fleeting, starting to fade even at the time and he’d resigned himself to never fully knowing what it’d been about. The two parts that had managed to stick with him were the sad angel and the woman in the red coat, and while the angel had been revealed to be Yasha no one had known anything about the woman, and over time he began to wonder if she had been based on an actual person at all. And now here she was.
She placed the deck of cards down on the table and gestured for him to come forward, Kingsley moving up to sit cross legged on a red plush cushion, setting down gingerly and his tail curling up next to him. The fact that he had fallen asleep just before this told him that this should be a dream, but at the same time it felt as if it were something more. Something important. Clasping her hands together on the table she held his gaze, expression serious.
“Normally, I would deliver this kind of message through a reading, to avoid saying too much and to allow ambiguity in the meaning. But what I must say is important enough to be blunt. Your soul is fragile, Kingsley Tealeaf.”
Kingsley swallowed hard. He didn’t know who she was, not really, but absolute truth still rang in her words. “W-what does that mean?”
“In practical terms, returning from death is far more dangerous for you than some of your friends.” She opened up her hands and in between them was a ball of softy glowing light. “If your soul is returned to life quickly enough, as it was this last time, there may not be too many complications. But if you are dead for too long...” At her words the ball of light shuddered and then it scattered just like Kingsley remembered and he flinched back, breathing heavily, having to catch himself on one of his hands as dozens of motes of light rose up around them and then dissipated. She brought her hands back together, looking at him sadly. “I am sorry you had to experience a portion of that. It is not something I would wish on anyone.”
He slowly brought his breathing back under control and righted himself on the cushion, emotions stuck between a giddy rush at the fact that Jester’s intervention seemed to have actually worked and terror at the reminder of what had happened to him. Not to mention that something was wrong with his actual soul itself, so, plenty more potential terror and possible nightmares for him there. But for right now, at least...
“Is there anything I can do to... ‘fix’ my soul? And do you know why it’s like that?”
“For your first question, it will mostly just take time.” She cupped her hands in front of her, smaller motes of light reappearing and coalescing until once again she held a ball of light, and she lifted it up to float above their heads, the space around them now brighter. “The longer it has, the better it will be. It is both as simple and as complicated as that, unfortunately.”
“As for the why...” She spread an arc of cards out on the table with one hand and smoothly flipped them over with a pass from the other, but instead of individual cards it was a picture that continued from one card to the next.
“The journey your soul has gone through is far from normal. In fact, some would say it is astonishing that it exists at all.” She trailed her finger along the edge of the card created artwork, narrating as she did so.
“Your soul began with the sundering of a different soul, life springing from death when none should have been there.” A body pulling itself halfway out of a grave, hands scrabbling on the ground, red eyes shining in the face but also on the body. “This soul fragment may have started as just one piece of a larger whole, but something important happened. It changed. And it grew.” Hands helping the purple tiefling to stand, him walking forward and gaining additional color and vitality with each step. Tattoos, jewelry, vibrant clothes, the gaudiest coat imaginable. A bright and happy smile. “The love and experiences your soul had, both good and bad, allowed it to become a full soul in its own right, separate from where it came from.” Helping out at a circus, performing. Blood flashing along blades and becoming ice in an early taste of combat. Sitting side by side, content, with a certain aasimar. Riding along in a cart with the aasimar and five other individuals, sun low on the horizon. “And then... an end.” Blood stains on snow by a road. A coat placed on a staff, fluttering in the wind. “But not the end.”
A new arc of cards was laid down and revealed below the first, with a new artwork. “The soul that yours originally came from was brought back, and it had forcibly reclaimed your soul.” Four figures standing next to an empty grave, the body of the purple tiefling rising into the air and surrounded by magic. “At first, it seemed that your soul had been subsumed.” The group of five, purple tiefling in the lead, bundled up and trudging through a harsh winter landscape. Bodies left in their wake. “But your soul had become its own, and because of that it could no longer slot neatly into place.” Two tieflings sitting across from each other, one purple, one blue, three tarot cards suspended between them. The purple tiefling standing in front of a circular gate before eight other individuals, many of them from the prior artwork. “Your soul fought back, and it eventually helped to free itself from its prison.” Screaming at those eight from a changed body, nine eye stalks coming from the back. An even more monstrous form, torn in half by its own hands.
One final set of cards was placed. Revealed.
“Your friends then attempted to return your soul. But it failed.”  A body lying on the ground, partially covered by the gaudy coat and bisected by a new scar. Eyes closed. “It took a prayer to the Wildmother and her intervention for it to be successful.” The same body, standing, eyes open, the ground now covered in greenery and flowers. “However, your soul did not come out unscathed. Not broken, or missing parts, but... injured.” The body now shown as an outline, filled with glowing light. Light that was rough around the edges, shot through with spiderweb cracks. “The time it was forcibly shoved in with originating soul, and having to separate itself out from it again, was traumatic.” A large pair of hands, each hand holding a source of light, one angry and boiling, the other small and dimmed, but warm. “Still the same soul, but changed by the experience. Needing time to relearn. And to heal.” The purple tiefling sitting in a lush graveyard garden, surrounded by both flowers and friends. Sailing on a ship, hanging from the rigging and hair tossed in the wind.
She pulled back, resting her hands on the table. “Your soul is whole, and your own, but less... stable under stress, as it were. There is no way to know for sure, since it has not happened, but I suspect that if you were brought back after a longer period of death you would be in a similar state as to when you woke in the city, due to the healing your soul would need again. I do know however that your friends would do everything they could to return you from death.”
“They would,” Kingsley said, without even thinking about it. His attention was still stuck on the cards. The artwork, as stylized as it was, captured a certain life to it. It felt... real. Alive. But at the same time, something felt off. Something missing.
“Kingsley.”
He startled, as if released from a spell, and he closed his eyes and let out a long breath. When he opened his eyes again he saw her giving him a concerned look. “Sorry,” he said quickly. “I, ah. Thank you?”
Her concern didn’t fade.
“Something about this troubles you.” Not a question. A statement of fact.
“Are there other art cards in that deck?” The words spilled out of him. “I mean, they’re gorgeous, and they worked really well, but, are you sure there’s not more?”
She tilted her head, gaze growing sharp.
“There are if you want there to be.”
Something about the way she said that made him pause. He looked down at the cards again. Three rows.
Three names, he realized.
The last one, Kingsley. Him. His body, his soul, himself. The second, Lucien. Most definitely not him, and she had confirmed that as well with differentiating the souls, even with the strange situation of the shared body and his nightmares. And the first... Mollymauk. A different name, a different life, but according to her, the same body. The same soul. His hand gripped his knee, nails digging in.
His soul was his, and Kingsley would fight anyone who implied otherwise or tried to take that away. He knew from experience, however, that he might not have a choice. His eyes lingered on the second set of cards. Flicked to the first for just a moment.
“... maybe not.”
She inclined her head, and nodded. Her hands hovered over the cards and he made a go ahead gesture, and she scooped them up, one, two, three rows, shuffling them back into the deck.
“I admit, I am not accustomed to speaking of things so plainly,” she said lightly as she shuffled the deck. “Partially due to preference, and partially due to limitations I am often bound to. But a prior... interloper decided to facilitate as a way to make amends.” Kingsley saw a flash of another card, this time with a silver dragon, but it was gone too quickly for him to read the title. “It is difficult to judge the character of one such as him, but he was actually the one to ask for help first.” A small laugh. “Luckily for him, this was something I had wished to do anyway. He simply made it easier.”
Kingsley was almost positive the interloper she spoke of was Artagan, but that just raised even more questions. He’d known coming into this that she was mysterious, and that she had to get her answers from somewhere, but the fact that Artagan had been the one to ask her for help?
Another shiver ran through him, even stronger than the one he had pushed away on the ship. Caduceus and Jester would go to their gods when they needed help. So that meant that if one their gods (or sort-of-god, when it came to Artagan) asked someone else for help, that person was...
“I understand if you can’t answer, but. Who are you?”
The shuffling of the cards stopped.
“Do you want to know that answer?”
She was giving him an out. It was probably even a good idea for him to take it.
“Yes.”
He wasn’t going to take it.
She smiled again and set the now shuffled deck down on the table, drawing the top card and handing it to him. Moon and mirror, with the moon facing him, though with one key difference from the card in Jester’s deck - the crescent moon was strung like a bow.
Kingsley stared at the card, heart hammering in his chest.
“...I’m really sorry, but I have no idea what that means.”
She blinked, taken aback, before noticing his slightly manic grin and she burst out laughing.
“I think you almost believed that yourself for a moment,” the Moonweaver said and she graciously accepted the card when Kingsley handed it back to her, him immediately going and sitting on his hands afterwards to hide their shaking. “Unless you’d still prefer for me to say it out loud?”
“Nope, I’m good,” Kingsley said quickly. He was totally good right now, not panicking at all, nope. He got a raised eyebrow at that response, but her smile was still there as well and she didn’t press him.
Kingsley’s leg bounced as she placed the card back into the deck, having to actively work to keep his breathing steady. On some level, he knew that his perspective on the gods and faith was a bit skewed. Fjord sailed the seas with the Wildmother’s blessing. Caduceus had performed literal miracles with the Wildmother’s help (and, once again, one of those was the entire reason he was even alive at all). Yasha was a full fledged champion of the Stormlord. And proper god or not, Jester was still outright friends with Artagan.
In comparison, his own tentative explorations towards faith and the gods had felt like they didn’t really count. He’d learned about the Moonweaver, and her commandments had resonated with him, so he’d decided to follow them. He didn’t actively worship, or ask for blessings, or go out of his way to do things on her behalf. Instead Kingsley mostly just lived his life, sending a small prayer when it felt right and taking some comfort in the light of the moons. That was it. The big stuff, that was what his friends did. They were the ones who...
He looked around at the rest of the tent again, trying to distract himself. With his new knowledge he saw nods to the Moonweaver throughout, most of the decor having been subtle enough on its own to escape attention the first time around, though, okay, maybe the lantern hanging from the ceiling was a bit on the nose. It was an understated but beautiful space, and just one more reminder that he was talking to a literal actual god right now.
Maybe that hadn’t been the best way to try and distract himself.
Her casual comment of ‘something I had wished to do anyway’ spun over and over again in his head, him trying to figure out what the hell that even meant and dread growing at what it could mean. It didn’t make sense. Why-
“Why me?”
He’d just said that out loud. Fuck.
Kingsley looked back to her and nearly jumped when he realized that she’d been staring at him the entire time, swearing several more times in his head and wondering if he’d just pissed her off. But instead of anger her expression was soft.
“Why not you?”
Whatever he’d expected to hear, it hadn’t been that.
His brain stalled. There were so many things he wanted to say in response. So many things he knew he should NOT say in response. But she hadn’t said anything else yet, simply watching him and her hands resting on the table. He slumped, bringing his hands back to his lap.
“Because I’m not actually who you think I am?”
That got him another raised eyebrow, but this time there was no accompanying smile, and he quickly continued. “I know I’ve met you before, in that dream, but that wasn’t- I wasn’t even me yet. I didn’t know who I was s-so it makes sense that you were there for someone else.” Fuck, he knew this was a bad idea, second guessing the decision of, once again, A LITERAL ACTUAL GOD, but the sour sick fear that had been growing in the background was finally too much for him to ignore.
“Mollymauk, right? You said yourself that he’s where my soul came from and what if I'm just-” His voice cracked, and he hastily scrubbed a tear away from the corner of his eye. “I know he was a follower of yours, and he did a better job than any of the half measures I’ve ever sent your way, so. That’s why not me.” Kingsley couldn’t hold her gaze anymore and he looked down, eyes boring into his lap. “And maybe you were there for me, originally, whoever I was. But I still fucked that up anyway.”
A couple frustrated tears dropped down and landed on the back of his hands, Kingsley feeling like he was about to scream. His soul was HIS. He was Kingsley. He was himself. He knew who he was. He was. He was supposed to know who he was. He...
(Breaking apart. Disintegrating. Motes of light drifting away).
A hand cupped his check and his breath hitched, and then his breathing almost stopped entirely when a gentle kiss was pressed to his forehead.
“Time for that later,” she murmured, and then she was pulling back, tilting his chin up with her hand. She was kneeling in front of him, just a couple feet away and table now gone.
“Yes. Mollymauk is where your soul is from. And yes, my first visit in that dream was to see you, in part because of the sacrifices you had made in Cognouza, and in part because of a life lived in full and prior faith. But there is something important you must understand.” She held his gaze, not looking away. “You are not inferior to Mollymauk. You are not a mistake. And you do not have to fear losing yourself and becoming him, because he has already become you.”
Her hand cupped his check again, and she smiled softly.
“You are Kingsley Tealeaf. And I am so proud of all that you are.”
Mollymauk was... him?
Kingsley swayed in place. He didn’t know whether to cry, or to laugh, or what even to do at all. Instead he just sat there, feeling lightheaded at what had just happened. He wasn’t dead for disrespect. She had actually listened to him. Reassured him. Her. A god.
“I think I need to lie down,” he said weakly.
She gave a small laugh, withdrawing her hand and Kingsley slow motion flopped onto his side, before rolling to his back and staring at the ceiling. There were stars embroidered in the fabric up there. He hadn’t seen that before.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw her sitting down next to him, leaning on one of her hands. “Feel better?”
“Yeah,” he said. He could almost pick out some constellations in the embroidered stars.
“Good.” She played with one last tarot card in her free hand, just barely visible to him. A sun rising over a grave. Dawn.
Slowly, almost so slow that he missed it at first, the lights in the tent started dim. Eventually the only light left was a faint glow from the crescent moon lantern, and, to his quiet awe, the embroidered stars themselves, silver threads glimmering with magic.
“There are only a few more things left for me to say.”
He tilted his head to look in her direction. Even in the low light he could still see her clearly, and he realized she was actually the final source of light in the space, her white hair and blue skin giving off a faint luminescence.
“If a day comes where things are not fast enough, where others are not able to reach you in time and you cannot remember with your mind, remember with your heart like you did once before. Even when starting over, a home and a family will still be waiting for you.”
She glowed a little brighter, surroundings starting to fade.
“Hopefully, by the time you pass on your soul will be healed enough that you no longer have to worry. But if that is not the case...”
She leaned down, held his face in both of her hands, and placed one last kiss on his forehead.
“I will be there. Shine bright, my little monarch.”
He closed his eyes, for a single blink-
-And opened them to the deck of The Nein Heroez.
“-I told you, I’m not the one who knows. I just sent him along to someone who does, he’ll be fine.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t smite you,” Kingsley croaked and Artagan whirled around, pointing at him.
“See! I told you, he’s fine.”
Jester gasped. “Kingsley!”
“Welcome back,” Yasha murmured, and she gave him a hug with the arm around his shoulder.
“Wait, smite? Who the fuck did you send him to?” Beau said, shooting Artagan a look.
“Well! It looks like my work here is done,” Artagan said, completely ignoring Beau and clapping his hands together. “Just let me know when you need something again Jester, tah!”
He vanished in a swirl of green cloak before Beau could get another word in, and she groaned.
“Ugh. He didn't even do anything himself.”
“Yes he did!” Jester said, and she looked at Kingsley. “... it did work, right?”
“... yeah,” he said, a little dazed, and he reached up to touch his forehead. He was going to need time to process that. A lot of time.
“See! He did do something!”
Fjord gave him a thoughtful look. “Who did he send you to? You seem a little overwhelmed.”
“T-the Moonweaver.”
That got everyone’s attention on him at once. A couple of them blanched.
“... you were not kidding with the smite comment,” Caleb said, eyes a little wide.
Essek looked around at the group and everyone’s expressions. “Being sent to a god is notable, but I feel I am missing some additional context here.”
“We um. Miiight have had a plan where Artie pretended to be the Moonweaver?” Jester said.
“It went badly,” Fjord said bluntly.
“As in dragged off into the sky in chains badly,” Veth added on.
Essek blinked, then shook his head. “I should not even be surprised anymore.”
“I was pretty surprised the first time I heard about it,” Kingsley said, shrugging. “And I only heard about it cause of all the times the ship docked at Rumblecusp. I think you're good.”
Essek gave him a wry grin. “Well. I am glad I am not the only one to hear about things after the fact.”
“You get used to it,” Caduceus said, smiling. “And we’re all here now, so, you don’t have to worry about it this time.”
“True enough,” Kingsley said and he stretched, sitting up straight but still at Yasha’s side.
“What did you learn?” Yasha asked.
“Well... the main thing is she said my soul is. Fragile? And that if I’m dead too long I might forget things again. But she also said it’ll heal after enough time so it’s not all bad?” Her last words to him, about what she would do if it hadn’t healed yet, echoed in the back of his mind.
“It’s still not great though,” Beau said, sitting with her arm resting on a raised knee. “She tell you any way to fix it sooner?”
He shook his head. “She just said it’d take time.” After a second he glanced over to Essek and Caleb. “And I don’t think she meant your kind of stuff. Sorry nerds.”
“Magic cannot fix everything,” Caleb said. “As much as we might want it to.” He was lost in thought for a moment before Essek squeezed his hand, Caleb returning the gesture.
Kingsley took a moment to inhale the ocean air, grounding himself, before fully flopping back against Yasha like a cat and she chuckled, starting to comb her fingers through his hair.
“What else did you guys talk about? You were gone for a while,” Jester said.
Kingsley hesitated.
He didn’t really know why he was hesitating. Maybe he was afraid. Of what, he wasn’t sure, but that fear that had bubbled over while talking to the Moonweaver wasn’t totally gone. And maybe it was the fact that he still didn’t know what to make of things himself yet. But he also remembered the words she’d said towards the end, that even if he forgot, he would still have a family. And a home.
(An even more distant memory. Of him asking for home, and Jester saying yeah, we can go home).
He saw Caduceus watching him out of the corner of his eye, expression knowing, but the cleric didn’t push, and that was what made the decision for him. The Mighty Nein was his family. And they would be there for him no matter what.
“Well,” Kingsley said, pausing for dramatic effect. “To start, she was wearing this red coat...”
He launched into retelling, knowing that he had his family, his home, and that his heart would remember for as long as he would need.
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cursed-saphire-hart · 2 years ago
Note
I just thought of this and now for some reason I'm obsessing over it.
Okay, Desi, do you think Tord would have treated Tobi differently if he was a girl(Not Trans in this case), but if he was born a girl. Do you think Tord would have been different, softer even, with a girl or would it be around the same or wolould it be worse?
It would depend. For the sake of this, let's use Tabi (since she's literally girl Tobi) as a reference, n take in effect of the design quirks I added to my kids recently.
With Tobi, Tord only began pulling away from him as he developed more of a resemblance to Anya, while still having a more striking resemblance to himself, which made him feel conflicted and confused about his own affections for his son and would be wife (they never married, but Tord always referred to her as his wife)
In Tabi's case, she would still have that striking resemblance to Tord right out the gate, but being a girl, he'd handle her with a lot more care because he has no fucking idea how to handle a small male child, let alone a small female child that'll have a different kinda puberty problems.
With Tobi, Tord was protective, but controlling, not wanting Tobi to be like his mother.
Meanwhile with Tabi, he'd be a different kind of controlling and protective, but probably worse. Tord is very aware Tabi is a girl, which means he treats her like one, to contrast how he often treated Anya as a soldier, and not a woman.
In many ways Tord has tried to symbolically fix the mistakes he made with Anya, through their child, but failing BADLY.
While Tobi had mainly male influences do to Tord never becoming romantically open to any other woman, he'd instead worry Tabi would fall into the endless cycle of blind love and heart break that plagued Anya. So, she was instead more insolated from many of the men that had been around Tobi while growing up.
So in this case, the main caretaker of Tabi, would probably be Jenny, hoping she'd be a good influence on her like how she had once been for Anya.
This insolation would be much more drastic, and much more lonely. While Tobi was greatly encouraged to be a future leader and soldier, Tabi wouldn't be allowed the same freedom of being allowed to interact with other cadets, and during parties, she would have been made to stay by Tord or Jenny.
Tord was controlling to the point of not letting Tobi have the freedom to choose who he'd love, but still letting him try and have those budding relationships get destroyed in attempts to smother out any future attempts.
Tabi wouldn't get that small freedom, Tord believing a young girl would be far more emotional and dramatic over a broken heart. Due to this, she's only been allowed female friends, mainly Penny, Ethan's cousin Rachel, Darling, and Maxx before he transitioned (that did not go over well...)
Fun little fact, being deprived to this extent, to not even have a sexual release, can really mess with someone's head in very extreme and different ways, and would lead to a different kind of rebellious backlash.
Where Tobi acts rebellious in arguably small ways only for attention, he doesn't want to be a disappointment to Tord, and will have a panic attack if he feels the joke has gone to far.
On the other side, Tabi wouldn't care less, acting more rebellious and agressive as she got older, turing her frustrations on her father from pure anger and growing hatred for being deprived of a normal life. Possibly even to the point of being destructive.
There's more I could say, but this is as much as I can put into words.
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qslovebot · 4 years ago
Text
Nobody: Spencer Reid
Summary: After an accident on a case, the reader is left with trauma and anxiety. A miscommunication between her and the person she needs most (Spencer Reid) begins to eat her alive and he just so happens to be the only one there when she breaks again.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader
Warnings/Includes: mentions of kissing, mentions of traumatizing events (not specified), depictions of anxiety, fluff, miscommunication, angst to fluff
A/N: The song is Nobody by Mitski. Read with this for the ultimate experience.
Sometimes things felt too literal. Words start to sound weird and feel weird when you say them, clothes feel too much like clothes against your skin, the texture of any food in your mouth becomes too prevalent while eating.
These things started happening after you witnessed and endured something awful on a case. You wouldn't dare bring up the full memory in case it took over and killed you all over again. It wasn't PTSD, but it was the cause of your anxiety attacks most of the time when they occurred.
After that case, you spent a week in the hospital where they happened nearly every day and the doctors weren't much help, to be frank. The only people who really ever helped were your friends and the person you were so close to dating, Spencer Reid.
It was a long story. To dumb it down, the case event happened and you and Spencer thought you were about to die so he confessed his feelings for you and of course they were reciprocated. He asked, then and there through stuttering words, 'If we make it out of here please go out with me?" As his last bit of hope, and he kissed you before you were taken away by the unsub. He didn't endure nearly as much as you did which was why he wasn't as affected. But you had said 'yes' to that question and three weeks later, you still hadn't talked about it.
When the anxiety attacks happened, you often felt like you couldn't breathe, like the walls were pressing in on you. Sometimes you'd be with JJ when it happened. She would immediately ask you what you needed and often that would just be a hug.
Emily witnessed one at your house when she came over to check on you. She rushed over, caring voice and soft hands and told you to put your head between your knees, stroking your hair until you felt better.
Penelope made the 30-minute drive from her house every Friday night she wasn't working on a case to bring you dinner she had made and chat with you about anything you wanted.
Your friends cared for you, it was so prevalent. It was almost always that fact that was getting you through this as you continued to get better. You would return to work in two weeks because now the anxiety attacks were only once in a while and better controlled by you and Spencer still hadn't spoken to you since.
It was now nearly two weeks later. You would go back to work on Monday.
"He did come to visit you in the hospital before you woke up," Penelope said, stirring her cup of ramen. It was just another Friday and she sat across from you in your chair, cross-legged. "I don't know what's up with him if he isn't speaking to you, he seems fine at work."
You sighed, swallowing your bite. "I'm just scared that he regrets what he said and did before I was dragged away. It was those words and that kiss that got me through what the unsub did and I keep thinking about it and him..."
"It was romantic," she noted, waving her chopstick in the air. "I think you should call him, rather than just text him. It'll catch him off-guard and in-the-moment."
"Now?"
"Yes, so I can listen!"
You smiled a little, pulling out your phone as your heart began to race. What if he did pick up? What if it was awkward? What if he somehow didn't remember?
You pressed on his name, then pressed call. It began to hum quietly with pending rings. One ring, two, then five, then seven, then there was a small beep.
'You've reached Dr. Spencer Reid, uh, leave a message,' his voice said through the machine, still as sweet and youthfully scratchy. You bit your lip and nodded.
"I should have known that he didn't want to talk. Penelope, I can't stop thinking about him and he keeps ignoring my calls and I'm... frankly I'm afraid that nothing will ever happen and he'll ignore me forever."
Penelope cringed, "(Y/N), uh... there's... it's gone to voicemail and you're recording."
"Shit!" You panicked, looking at your phone. "How do I stop it?!"
"The red button!"
"That's the end call button I-" you pressed it by accident. Oh my god, the message went through. You just sat there with Penelope, both of you frozen in shock. That did not just happen... did it really just happen? Your one moment of self-pity and worry was one moment that Spencer would hear if he touched his phone on a Friday night.
The rest of the night was spent with you fighting off panic, pacing your room. Penelope agreed to stay overnight, but you could not handle the fact Spencer would hear what you said. It was humiliating to think about him hearing you stress over something like that.
This is what nagged at you all weekend, threatening the impending anxiety that was building up. Every second was agony, spent pacing and overthinking. Sleep was hard to get, so you took melatonin and your dreams taunted you with it all over again.
Monday morning you rushed to get dressed. You needed to see Spencer, no matter how hard it was to face him. You pulled on dress pants and a navy blue cotton v-neck shirt with bell sleeves. Laundry was forgotten through two days of panic, so this was pretty much the only shirt you had.
You brushed through your hair and applied your regular makeup and there, you were presentable and didn't look like you'd lost your mind over the weekend. You were going back, finally. It was somewhat refreshing if you dismissed the Spencer ordeal.
The drive there was fine. Music helped to calm you down and you listened as long as you could. Stepping into the BAU was different, it felt like you were being crushed the moment you stepped in.
"There's my girl!" Derek Morgan was the first to notice you walk in and he greeted you with open arms and a crushing hug. You smiled, letting him. It had been a while since you last saw him. He let you go after a few seconds, but his hands stayed on your shoulders. "We missed you here, things weren't as fun without you."
"I bet," you grinned, heading to your desk. You could hide your freakout well. "I missed the smell of coffee and paper in the morning."
"(Y/N), glad to have you back," Hotch said, walking down the steps. He did seem honestly glad to see you as there was a small twitch of his mouth when he approached you and Derek. "You're sure you're alright to work again? I assume today is a file day, but we'll be back out there soon."
You nodded, smiling back. "Getting there, but it's controllable now," He narrowed his eyebrows. "I'll be fine for the field and if I'm not, I can always stay at the precinct to work things out there."
Hotch looked to Derek, then back at you. "Sounds good. Again, glad to have you back, agent." Hotch shook your hand and passed you, heading into JJ's office.
"Morgan..." You started, fiddling with your fingers. "Have you seen Spencer?"
"Yeah, he just went to the washroom, why?"
"I need to talk to him..."
The day went on and of course, you saw Spencer, but he paid you no mind. Not even a 'welcome back' or anything. You were just there and it was like you never left, except Spencer didn't even look at you. He was busy with his work and you constantly found yourself watching him. Maybe he'd heard your voice mail, maybe not, but either way, he didn't seem to care anymore.
That month and a half you spent recovering- was it possible that he used that time away from you to get over you? The idea was haunting and tugged at your heart. To be the only one all-in was such an incredibly painful idea. What he said before you were dragged away into the depths of hell meant something to you and it kept you alive... and to think he probably didn't mean it...
You needed to stop thinking about it before it made you burst into a million pieces. To be surrounded by everyone who you loved and loved you back wasn't enough if you couldn't have Spencer, too. Selfish, it sounded so selfish, but it shook you to the core that he wasn't amongst them.
The day continued and more pain was endured. More overthinking, more fear, more insecurity. The day was nearing its end.
Everybody seemed like nobody when Spencer was out of the picture. You had spent so much time thinking about him in the hospital and at home in recovery, who were you without wondering you could make it work? Nobody. Without the fantasy you could be his, you stranded on some sort of island. You were nobody if not Spencer's.
So you were nobody.
It was that thought that keeled you over the edge in the parking lot of the BAU. So much fear, so much pent-up emotion, it was too much to contain and just... spilled over onto everything as your hands began to shake, followed by that godawful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Your knees gave out and you fell conveniently onto the curb next to your car.
There was nobody there, either. You were alone on the concrete curb, face in your shaking hand and the other shaking hand gripping the curb so hard your knuckles turned white. Too much, too little, everything was wrong and you couldn't face Spencer.
You looked up for a brief moment and there was a brief look at someone in a beige cardigan and khaki pants and your heart fell to the pit of your stomach- as if you were humiliated enough. Footsteps, closer.
"A-are you okay?" His voice was a little panicked, definitely not as bad as yours, though. Overall, you were just glad he was within six feet of you.
Of course, you were pretty much unable to reply. Your face stayed in your hands and you felt light fingers on your shoulder, his, and they were somewhat grounding. God, he was here and you couldn't even talk to him, you couldn't even raise your head.
"What do you need, I- what happened?" He cared. But to what extent? His hands felt frantic- they shook a little (again, not nearly as bad as yours) and they moved from your shoulder, to upper arm, to near your neck, to the side of your head. "If this is my fault, I-"
He stopped himself. How could he possibly know that it was the thought of him that sent this into motion? The voicemail didn't entail much other than he was on your mind. You hardly even noticed that you were crying from the anxiety attack until you felt how wet your hands were. Your words kept piling on your tongue and the panic rose again in an entirely new wave.
"Do you- do you need help? I can get Hotch or... Derek, Derek knows, I know, but I don't- I don't think you like me very much and I won't be of help-I-I-I-" His voice continued to ramble and you were flooded with new thoughts. How could he possibly think that you didn't like him? In those moments before you were taken, you had said yes to going out with him if you both made it out. You kissed him back then before the arms grabbed you and dragged you off. Where did the idea of you not liking him come from? It was you who was afraid he didn't like you back.
You wanted to speak, you wanted to say something but you were stuck in your own mind, desperately trying to fight this off, trying hard to calm your breathing. The most you could do was take your hand off of the curb and frantically grab his. You took his hand and you held it tight, trying to slow the sharp intakes of breath. That's when Spencer squeezed your hand and you began to feel better.
And when you did start to feel better and your breathing was still harsh, but better and you could finally move a little more, you did what you had wanted to do every day in the hospital. You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around Spencer, your arms resting around his shoulders. You needed it and apparently so did he, because he squeezed you back the same. Either it was that or he knew pressure helped. All you could do was hope it wasn't the latter.
Spencer of course buried his face in the crook of your neck like he had before and you knew now that this feeling was coming to an end. The tide was washing out and there was calm after the storm. No words, just your breathing becoming more natural and the wind over your ears. This was all that you needed.
He stayed like this with you for a good five more minutes before you could finally release him, pulling apart and your hand coming up to wipe under your eyes. He didn't speak then, either- he just watched, his face furrowed in concern.
So you spoke, "Spencer wh-" your voice cut out from still being in that state of anxiety. You coughed into your arm, tried again. "Why would you think I don't like you?"
"I-I- don't think that's the question, I- are you okay?" His hands went back to your shoulders bracingly.
You smiled a small smile, "I'm better, it's passed, but Spencer...' You slid into a whisper with the crying coming back. Had it really passed?
"Yes?" His reply was wary. As if afraid to break you, he tiptoed.
"Answer me, please."
He bit his lower lip into his mouth, sighing. "I don't know if I should, you're- you're upset."
You looked at him, dead-on, determined. "Please."
"You didn't call. Not once and I-I-I was worried and then I started to think about it and everything t-that happened before you were taken and that you probably only said and did that because you were about to-to-uh, die." He rambled, words spilling out. "So I thought maybe you didn't really like me and-"
"I was waiting for you to call, too," you actually let out a laugh. He smiled in realization. "Because I was afraid of the exact same thing. I was afraid you didn't mean it and I worked myself up- I called Friday night, though-"
"I didn't- I didn't know that-" he fumbled to bring his phone out of his pocket and he must have seen that he had a voicemail from you and nodded, a little smile appearing on his worried face. "So you did mean to say yes?"
"And you did mean to ask?" You inquired, head tilted.
"Y-yes, of course."
"Then yes," you replied, smile widening to a grin. "How is Saturday night? I think I'll be better by then."
He was positively beaming as he helped you back to your feet. "Saturday is... great. Are you sure you're alright?"
"Much better.... truthfully." You nodded excessively and Spencer began walking back to his car, but then came back quickly to kiss your cheek.
He was like a child excited to go run and tell friends, "Goodnight!"
"Night, Spence." You stood there, basking in the glory that was solved miscommunication. You weren't nobody, you were in fact, somebody. And you were soon to be Spencer's.
Tags: @ellyhotchner, @softhairedhotch, @laurakirsten0502
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liitlesunshiine · 3 years ago
Text
High on the clock
Quirkless AU - Toya Todoroki
Warnings: cursing, drug use, anxiety, panic attack mention, suggestive themes, slight sexual themes 
A fun light hearted fic. Definitely enjoyed writing this piece so I hope you guys enjoy reading it. ^.^ It’s flirty n cute n Toya is a total bae. <3 
You and Toya are coworkers who try making the most out of your shitty job. 
------------------------
“Goddd this place fuckin blows.” You groaned in frustration sitting across Toya. 
“As if I didn’t know that already,” he sleeplishly replied. 
You never intended on working in this shit show of a store for as long as you have but yet, here you were two wasted years later. You had high hopes after graduation but it seems no job wants to hire someone with no experience and you can’t get any experience since you can’t get an actual job that’ll provide it. So it’s forced you in this sort of awkward limbo and vicious cycle of going back and forth. You’ve been stuck wearing this shitty bright uniform with a barely livable wage and terrible hours. Miserable every second of the day, with the constant guilt eating at you for being so complacent. 
Of course there were a few exceptions.
Of course… Like the highly attractive coworker you spent most of your time here with. Days spent with Toya were significantly better than the days spent without Toya. In fact, if it weren’t for him, you’d probably wouldn’t have lasted as long as you had here. Because man, when days were good they were ok, but when the days were bad, they were really fucking bad.  Some in which you were ready to burn down everyone and everything yet the sweet, hot, god-like Toya would make you melt with his cute quirky smile and meet your eyes with his own that you would absolutely drown in and next thing you know, you had completely forgotten about what you were upset over. Now, it’s just a bonus that he meets your sarcasm with his own, the both of you have always had this flirty like atmosphere that neither of you are willing to acknowledge but low key kinda know there’s an underlying sexual tension there. It was strange how well you both got along, the average onlooker would assume nothing more than a simple boyfriend and girlfriend relationship but it was really just mutual likability and connection between the two of you. Days with Toya were simply good days. And you were absolutely grateful for someone like him because god knows how terrible it’d really be here without him.
“Why don’t we make this night a bit memorable,” Toya who was right next to you behind the counter, gives you a side wink and unzips the company jacket to reveal a small ziplock within the pocket. Andddddd long behold it’s weed! You chuckle to yourself, never getting tired of Toya’s shenanigans. Very much appreciated as he’s best form of entertainment here. 
“Toya we almost got caught last time, you really wanna risk it again?” Your words ran on deaf ears as he was already rolling up the blunt underneath the counter, “what’s the worst they can do? Fire us?” You stopped for a second and nodded, well he wasn’t wrong. Maybe this was the push you needed to finally leave this shit hole. “You got a point, let’s do it quick before someone comes in.” 
While this is a 24 hour convenience store, usually pass 1am, rarely anyone is inside. So you suppose it wouldn’t be too bad of an idea. Plus with Toya your bound to have a good time, who are you to deny him. You trusted in him enough to get away with his bs. 
“Pass the lighter doll,” you fished for the lighter that was nicely decorated with little blue flames over in your small book bag and passed it to him. He holds the blunt between his two hands and you duck underneath the counter with him. “Ladies first,” he cockily said, you lean forward and placed your mouth on the blunt while he held it for you. He always did this and it always felt oddly intimate to you. Couldn’t help the warm fuzzy feeling in your chest taking over when his glass like eyes gazed over you. They always made you curious and somehow hungry for knowledge of his life. You’ve never knew someone so well yet know nothing of them, but that’s always been enigma of Touya. You exhaled closing your eyes, attempting to calm your nerves. “You know the only time I ever smoke is on the job with you.” He smirked bringing the blunt to his own lips, “guess I’m a bad influence then.” 
You snorted and rolled your eyes. “Everyone needs a lil spice in their life, no?” It was his turn to roll his eyes. You gently grabbed his wrist and led the blunt back to your lips again, he stared quietly at you. Which oddly made you tense up. “Don’t look at me like that,” you smiled. 
“Like what?” He smiled. 
“Like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world that you can’t live without.” Now you both laughed. This was the usual routine with Toya; cracking jokes and talking shit for a bit and simply enjoying each other’s company while the store was empty. He finally broke the trance you were in when he spoke up. 
“You know, having my father kick me out of the house wasn’t so bad after all,” Toya leaned in. 
You looked at him with a puzzled look, he never brings up his father. Whenever the conversation appeared it was quickly diverted elsewhere. You didn’t want to poke or intrude but curiosity got the best of you and you couldn’t help but want to continue the conversation. “Yea? Why is that?” You wondered. His father, from what you’ve been able to gather with the little bits Toya has mentioned here and there, was that supposedly his father is some CEO to a multi million dollar company. Odd considering the likes to where Toya ended up but you concluded that they must’ve ended in bad terms. You understood how cruel and selfish parents can be and didn’t need further explanation on that part. Easy to assume considering how poorly and little he speaks of him. He shut your ideas off with his simple response. 
“I wouldn’t be smoking a blunt with the world’s most beautiful girl under this shitty counter, if it weren’t for it.” Ha, that definitely caught you off guard, causing a light blush to form across your face. Even with a seeming sensitive topic he still manages to tease you. He’s got that cheeky smile plastered all over, “Got you choked up doll?” You rolled your eyes. You were about to tell him off before the door rang indicating that someone has entered the store. You snapped out of the haze and immediately got up to quickly realize that the person who entered was one of the regional managers, oh fuck. You nearly froze in fear and kicked Toya under the counter. “Ow the fuck was that for?” He looked at you while soothing the kick you just gave him but upon looking at your panicked expression and frenzied body, he quickly crushed the blunt and shoved it back inside the pocket of his jacket. He didn’t need to be told or explained which you greatly appreciated at the moment. Toya was always able to read the room, bless his soul. He clumsily got back up to which you had fixed his crooked hat and whispered into his ear to tuck his shirt in while covering him slightly to do so.
“Hi-ya hello, good afternoon, I mean good evening sir.” You embarrassedly stumbled over your words to which Toya snickered at. You kicked him again harder this time as discreetly as you could. On the verge of a panic attack. He gripped tightly at the counter, smiling at the man in front of you both. Hissing silently at the pain your kick caused him. He gave you a quick side eye nodding his head in disapproval. Which somehow made you feel drastically worse. 
“Good evening to you both, I’m sure you know who I am.” 
You responded a bit too hastily looking like a rabid chihuahua. “Yes! Yea. Of course we do, how are you? What brings you in at this time? It’s so late.” You manage to say within 2.0 seconds, the automatic robotic customer service attitude overtaking your body. Well- at least trying to considering you just had a 30-minute smoke sesh under the counter and your mind is  desperately trying to sober up. Honestly, what the fuck was he doing here at this time? This has never happened and I mean out of all the hours of the day. Oh yea, you’re definitely getting fucked, the smell of weed was so pungent, it was literally embarrassing how bad the situation looks. You wanted to cry. Toya’s eyes were stained red and you only assumed yours look worse. 
“Gotten a few complaints about this store recently. Wanted to come in and take a look.” You began to get a cold sweat, oh shit he knows, he definitely knows. You had words lodged in your throat that couldn’t come out. What could you say? What can you say? You’re in the wrong here. Everyone knows that smoking weed with your cool and kinda hot coworker under the counter is definitely not ok. Maybe even illegal, oh god what if this gets on your record. You’ll definitely not be able to get a professional job, then you’ll really get stuck working a even shitter job than this. Oh good oh god oh my god. 
As if sensing the absolute panic and anxiety off of you, Toya gently caressed your arm motioning you to relax and to stay silent. You recognized the wave that washed over him and instantly knew he’d handle the situation, he always does. And if you could die in his arms right now, you’d accept your fate happily. Toya was an interesting man oh right, you always believed he held such potential to do great things and even change the world. It doesn’t make sense really considering you both work at a basic job but you had come to secretly admire the guy. You’d would tell him too, how you believed in him, how you had so much confidence for him to become something great but he would always shut it down and brush it off like it was nothing.  It was as if he didn’t think he was good enough. It always bugged you that he thought so little of himself, but seeing him now causally and confidently bullshit the regional manager out of your current situation just simply reminded you of how special he was to you. Definitely got your pussy wet and made you eternally grateful too.
Toya was standing in front of the counter, making hand gestures while the manager just stared analyzing his words. You were completely z0ned out, only able to get parts of the conversation. 
“We’ve been having this customer appear at the store over and over again around this time of night harassing me and Y/N. We’ve considered calling the cops since he’s always high off his mind, we’ve caught him smoking in the bathroom on multiple occasions too. He was in here about 15 minutes ago and we haven’t been able to get rid of the smell.” 
Ah the beautiful lies that slipped through Toya’s lips sounded like a symphony. It was nothing short of comedic and yet so fucking Oscar-worthy. You could definitely pay this man to tell you lies he with how effortlessly convincing he was. You couldn’t even care to listen to what the manager was responding with, but on his way out he waved at you wishing you a goodnight and you sighed out with relief. 
Toya turns to you clasping his hands together “well there’s gonna be a security guard here for the next two weeks.” You laughed “I guess that’s better than getting fired huh.” 
“I’m not sure about that,” he chuckled. “I texted Shigs to come and take over the rest of our shift.” 
You looked at him confused, “how come? Either way, do you think he’ll be ok alone here?”
Toya slipped his phone into his pocket and walked back to you “yea he doesn’t give a fuck. Besides you look pale fucking white, guess this guy sobered your ass up real quick.” 
You attempted to glare angrily at him but it came off as a soft puppy look. You had no energy nor the strength to pretend. It feels like you just got whiplash from the rollercoaster you were on. Figured it was no use in lying considering you looked like you just went through it. “Yea, I still feel high as shit, I just wanna go home already, only thing this guy gave me was a fat fucking headache.” 
He ruffled the top of your head, “awe poor baby,” he said in a teasing tone, he inched up right beside you, “I got something that can help with that.” You jokingly pushed him off you, tying to ignore the warm feeling pooling under your stomach. Your mind was definitely thinking something dirty with a million miles per second and with how he handled today’s situation you’d be more than willing to give him whatever he pleased, but you pretended to cast aside those intrusive thoughts and act unfazed. “Shit don’t tell me you got Advil on you too?” 
He chuckled lightly nodding is head down, “got something even better doll.” He scoots up next to you and grabs a bottle of excedrin underneath the counter, passing it to you. You excitedly open it taking two pills out “oh my god I didn’t know we had some underneath here, yes thank you. You're definitely my hero today Toya.” As if y’all didn’t work in a convenience store that had if not all types of medicines. It was the effort that made it special though, it’s what brought that bright goofy smile of yours to light.  
You weren’t able to see the blush that formed on his cheeks while you swallowed the two pills. “Yea I remember you telling me you get headaches n shit and I know this medicine helps with it.” He was scratching the back of his head awkwardly. He never really handles compliments well but you tippy toed over to him and wrapped your arms softly around his neck. “I appreciate it Toya, that was really thoughtful. Thank you.” 
If you didn’t see his previous blush you definitely noticed this one, which in turn lead you to blush. But you couldn’t miss this opportunity- “AWE is lil Toya blushing. So cute brings me back to my middle school days.” That caused a loud laugh to come out of you both. “Shut it.” he quickly and quietly said. 
“Am I interrupting something.” You and Toya quickly untangled from each other trying to play off the slight tension in the air. 
“Errrr um.. Hey Shiggy, thanks for uh coming in.” You awkwardly stumbled, you never really got along with him so there was always this weird loud silence between the both of you. He already seemed to be annoyed, per usual.  The sloppy blue hair all tangled looking greasy and his patchy skin looking irritated and flaky as usual. He definitely was not amused or happy to be here. Well when was her ever. You’ve yet to seen the man smile. 
“Whatever.” He takes a sip from his metal bottle and walks over to the counter. 
“Shiggy you the man, thanks for pulling up bud.” Toya pats him in the back and Shigaraki shuttered. “Don’t touch me,” he flatly said. He glared at you both. 
“You guys can go leave and fuck now.” The words caught you instantly by surprise and you got completely red. “That’s not what were gonn- ugh whatever like it matters.” With that, you and Toya clock out and leave the store with Shigaraki sending daggers at your back.
“He’s always acting like such a bitch.” You annoyingly complained. 
Toya puts his arm around your shoulder pulling you closer to him “he ain’t so bad when you get to know him.” 
“I guess.” You rolled your eyes, you didn’t really care. You were more relieved to have finally left. He can rot in the store by himself for all you care. Not you or Toga would miss him. 
“So,” Toya glided with his words, itching you closer to him. He was leading the way in this position with you happily following. Not knowing the destination but feeling completely at peace with his form completely snug at your side. You comfortably wrapped your arm around his waist and gently placed your head in the crook of his neck. This was nice you thought, you and Toya were always this intimate when alone. No hesitation or awkwardness, just simply holding hands and sharing body heat as friends with the underlying passion waiting to burst and to be acknowledged. But nothing ever felt rushed, not with Toya. You stared at him from this angle, taking in his beautiful effortless features. His lashes looked so long as you stared in slight jealousy, his hair a perfect black mess with hidden red roots if you stared long enough, and his eyes. Man, you could write poems and sing songs with how the eyes stirred up some emotion you can't quite pin down. Always causing an eruption of feelings you can barely control. 
You felt the warmth from his breath when he spoke, “wanna go to back to my place and finish that blunt? Would love nothing more than to see the world’s most beautiful girl on my bed.” 
You blushed and nodded looking at those piercing blue eyes once again “well, when you look at me like that I guess I can’t say no.” 
Maybe this time you would finally show Toya just how special he really is to you. 
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