#full disclosure that this is the extent of what i have written of this so far

[burnthatbridge]

illicit affairs

buddie | E | chapter 1 of 8(ish) | 3k | just a boy helping his boy bestie figure out gay sex, with a side of infidelity This is how it starts: Buck goes on a date with Tommy. How it goes from there, Eddie can't even begin to explain.

Chapter 1: born from just one single glance

It’s in the aftermath, when Bobby and Athena are safe and being checked over and the 118 plus family and friends is piled in the waiting room as usual — they all have their preferred chairs with how often they’re here — that Eddie’s unfocused mild interest in this new guy who his friends trust, turns to sharp notice. 

Eddie has to step away to call Carla, to let her know they got Athena and Bobby, to assure her that he’s fine, Buck’s fine, they’re all fine. And then he spares an extra moment to text Marisol because he knows she’ll see the news soon, if she hasn’t already, and will worry.

After, when he returns to the waiting room, Tommy’s in his seat. Eddie doesn’t really have a specific one he favors so much as he always takes one next to Buck. So, it follows that, Tommy is now sitting beside Buck. 

When Eddie left, Buck’d been pale-faced, and shaky in a way he wasn’t when Bobby was missing and he had a goal to focus on. Eddie hadn’t wanted to leave him, but it was Buck who’d said didn’t he need to call Carla? Let Chris know they’re okay?

Eddie pauses across the room and regards the scene before him. Tommy is leaned in, chatting to Buck, making wide, expressive gestures with his hands as he does. Buck’s still more grey than pink in the cheeks and one hand is clutching the arm of his chair, but he’s stopped picking at the patch of peeling paint he’s about tripled in size over their past handful of waiting room residences and there’s a hint of a smile curling the side of his mouth, which had been a grim line before, waiting for the doctor to report back on Bobby and Athena, waiting to be allowed to see them. 

“He’s in good hands.”

Eddie starts at Hen’s words. She appears from behind him carrying two paper cups of what Eddie understands from experience is the worst coffee known to man. He used to force it down because caffeine is caffeine, but he can’t anymore. It reminds him too much of the three minutes and seventeen seconds that were some of the worst of his life.

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[lowkeyerror]

Summer Secrets

Regina George x Reader

Word Count: 13.2k

Notes: minor homophobia, some angst, cursing, fluff, soft Regina (only for reader), cheating (technicality), takes a lot from the movie but timeline may be different.

Summary: When tasked with showing Cady Heron around school, you two quickly become friends. When Cady comes in contact with Regina George you feel obligated to help her out. Things get complicated from there because you have a soft spot for the mean girl.

An: Full disclosure have never written this much for a single post, but I'm excited to share it with you guys. I hope you like it likes, replies, and reblogs are always appreciated 💜

Masterlist

For some people high school felt like the end-all-be-all of life. It made sense to some extent. Spending your formative years locked in a building with other hormonal youths forced to participate in some social hierarchical bullshit that only benefited the one percent, sounds like a nightmare. If you were lucky enough to do well, you’d get to spend some time as one of the top one percent. However, any wrong turn and you’d be remembered for whatever mistake you made for the rest of your school career.

It sounds over dramatic (cause it is), but it’s true. It’s your junior year in high school and people are still calling Janis Ian a pyro lez. On the other side of things, Regina George still enamored people. Many people fade in and out of popularity but not Regina. She held her crown in an iron clad grasp and would die before she let it slip.

You didn't really understand how Regina became popular. As far as you were concerned popular meant well-liked, but it didn't seem like anyone genuinely liked Regina other than Gretchen and Karen. Regina was cruel, but she was pretty and had money which in some convoluted way made her the queen bee.

You didn't play into the social dynamics of North Shore. You weren't some outcast or loner who was proud of being different, you weren't a nerd who got bullied by jocks, and you were not some popularity-obsessed junkie. You were just a person.

Someone who went to classes, ate lunch, then went to more classes, and subsequently left the school premises. So, while the school might have been a magnet for chaos, you felt like your experience was pretty normal.

Unfortunately, the normal way you went through school was about to drastically change.

For some unknown reason you had been selected to give a new student a tour of the school.

“Alright Katy this is Y/n, she’s going to be showing you around today. You got the same classes and lockers close enough together so, be friends or something and have a nice day,” principal Duvall was quick to usher you two out of his office.

“My name’s Cady by the way not Katy,” she broke the silence as she followed you down the hallway.

You stopped in front of her locker, “Welcome to North Shore Cady, try not to get sucked in to all the chaos.”

The girl gulps as she places her belonging in the locker, “Chaos?”

You take in her appearance, and she shifts under your gaze, “North Shore is kind of like that scene from High School Musical where they’re dancing in the cafeteria singing about the status quo. You seem like a sweet girl Cady, and the last thing you need to do is find yourself with a label on your forehead.”

Cady hears what you say, but she’s stuck on the fact that you called her a sweet girl, “I’ve been home schooled my entire life and now I feel like I’m being tossed to the wolves.”

You laugh, “I’d say that’s a pretty accurate analogy. As your guide, I can try to keep you out of the drama, but you are a new student, so you’ll get some kind of attention.”

You take Cady to homeroom and have her sit by you before class starts. You make a little small talk with her, until you’re interrupted.

“Y/n, who’s the new girl?” Janis plops directly behind you.

“Cady, this is Janis.”

Before Cady could speak to the goth girl, Damian interjects, “Is that your natural hair color? It’s gorgeous.”

Again, before the girl can speak for herself, the boy takes some of her hair in his hand, “See, this the color I want.”

Janis swats his hand out of Cady’s hair, “Sorry about that, Damian is too gay to function sometimes. He’s not the best with boundaries.”

The conversation doesn’t go any further as Ms. Norbury walks in. Ms. Norbury’s attempt at introducing Cady goes comically bad, but it’s not something that she harps on for long before starting class.

The rest of the classes seem to go by quickly and soon it’s time for lunch. You can see Cady’s head spinning as she looks at all the cliques.

“Who do you usually sit with?”

You shrug, “I usually don’t eat in here, it’s super stuffy. But if I do it’s usually either with the stoners or the art kids.

You stand quietly in line before Cady speaks up again, “What’s your label?”

“I don’t have one. I’m not some outcast or jock or anything like that. I’m an actual human being and labels are overrated.”

She nods slowly smiling, “That’s pretty cool.”

One you both gather lunch you go and sit at the edge of the stoner table. You give some greetings before turning your full attention to Cady.

“Ok, don't freak out but I won't be here tomorrow. So, you’re going to be on your own,” you break the news to the ginger.

She falters a bit, “Oh okay.”

You see her eyes land on Janis and Damian.

“Be careful with those two.”

Her eyebrows furrow, “Why they seem cool?”

You elaborate, “They are cool, but they have labels and roles to fit in to. They’ve got an affinity for ditching class and making up schemes. So don’t get sucked in to that stuff alright?”

Cady nods and then you see her eyes sparkle, “Who is that?”

You follow her line of sight and find yourself in a brief staring contest with the school’s queen bee. Your eyes dance over her features and time seems to slow down for a moment, until she finally looks away from you.

“That’s Regina George.”

“She seems important,” Cady says, noting how everyone around seems preoccupied with her.

You counter, “She carries herself that way, so no one really questions it. Regina is the most popular girl in school. The two with her are Gretchen and Karen. Some people call them The Plastics.”

“Got it, so I should steer clear?”

You shrug, “She’s a massive deal and some people would grovel for even a minute with her. She’s got a lot of influence around here. So, I would just say be careful of interacting with her. She’s as mean as she is pretty.”

“I don’t get it.”

You sigh, “It’s nuanced. You shouldn't be seeking out interactions with her but trust me you don't want to turn her away or brush her off if she approaches you. She can ruin the rest of your time here, so careful of her.”

One last time you look in Regina’s direction to see her laughing at some poor kid.

Cady sees this but decides against questioning it. The rest of the day goes by quickly and by the end of the day, you might just consider Cady your friend. You exchange numbers and tell her to make good choices in your absence.

It was some time the following night that you got a text from Cady.

Cady: I think I messed up today.

Y/n: What happened?

Cady: I got invited to sit with the Plastics.

The text conversation ends there as you can’t help but call the girl. She picks up immediately and starts rambling about her day. You silently listen from the other end of the line, almost in disbelief that all of that could happen in one day.

“So, you got encouraged to sit with Regina and her friends by Janis and Damian, who also made you skip class,” you try to follow.

“Yes.”

You continue, “And you have a crush on Aaron, from Calc?”

Cady blushes on the other line, “I don’t know? I just think he’s cute.”

You run a hand over your face, “Jesus Christ Cady, I’m gone for one day and this is what you get in to, Aaron is Regina’s ex."

She scrambles over the phone, “I don’t know it just happened. What do I do Y/n?”

“Tomorrow’s Wednesday, so the best advice I can give to you is wear something pink,” you joke over the line.

“Damian is letting me borrow his shirt.”

You couldn’t contain your laughter.

“It’s not funny, Y/n,” she whines.

“Tell him to keep the shirt. You can borrow something from me instead.”

Cady is grateful but she has a curious tone as she asks, “You don’t seem like the pink wearing type.”

You speak coyly, “What have I been saying about labels Cady? You can’t put me in a box. Fun fact pink is one of my favorite colors.”

Cady’s next words are hesitant, “Maybe if you wear something pink too, they’ll let you sit too.”

“Cady, I have no desire to sit with Regina and her friends, but I don’t want to throw you to the wolves without at least trying to save you. So, for you, I’ll wear the pink, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll let me sit.”

“Thank you, thank you, thank you,” Cady praises you over the phone.

You chuckle, “Anything else?”

“Nothing that I can think of. You’re the best Y/n, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

You smile, “Goodnight, Cady."

When the conversation ends you get out of your bed and head for your closet. For the most part it was filled with t-shirts, jeans, sweaters, and the occasional formal attire. You have to go deep into the back of it to actually find what you’re looking for.

You’re hesitant to pull it off the hanger. It’s a simple pink bomber jacket. It’s cute and the material is soft. Cady could wear it. The one thing that gives you great pause about letting her borrow it, is that the jacket had been gifted to you by Regina George.

You had grown up in North Shore, so you were always aware of Regina George. You’d gone through school together, even sharing some classes together. All this to say you knew the girl’s character. She had always been mean.

It was 2 years ago when your parents decided that a family vacation during the summer would be good for everyone in the house. You weren't complaining, it was good to get out of the city.

Your parents had gone all out and rented out a beach front property for the 3 months you had away from school. It was a gorgeous property, and you often found yourself enjoying the scenery.

The last thing you expected to see was Regina George. Yet coincidentally the home your folks rented was right next to a property owned by Regina’s family.

You didn’t have any need to acquaint yourself with her. So, for a few weeks into the vacation, you didn’t approach her. That didn’t stop you from looking at her. You always knew she was gorgeous, but it was a shame her personality didn’t match.

Eventually your staring caught her attention.

“Y/n, right?”

You frown as the sun you were using to read is blocked. You look up to see Regina standing in front of you. Her blue eyes pierce yours curiously.

“Yep, how can I help you?”

“Why so formal?”

You finally meet her eyes, “Well you are the most popular girl in our grade.”

Regina’s eyes divert from yours, “We aren’t in school right now.”

You nod, “You’re right. So, I can just tell you to fuck off.”

She sets up her things next to yours, “You could, but who says I will listen.”

You laugh a bit, “What do you want, Regina?”

She sighs, “Is it a crime to want some company?”

“It’s not,” you answer, before returning to your book.

“I haven’t seen you here before. I come every summer,” Regina tries for small talk.

You sit the book down and give the girl your full attention.

“My parents saved up to rent out a beach front property this summer. They said it’s good for family bonding,” you say.

“I’ve only really seen you,” Regina comments.

You shrug, “My parents are enthralled with each other. They’re rediscovering how much they love each other. Where are your parents?”

You see her shift under your gaze, “My dad is on some business trip or something and my mom is out somewhere with my little sister.”

That first interaction spurred on by Regina started something of a summer friendship. You had no expectations of keeping it when the summer ended. So, when she came to you nervous one of those summer nights saying that it was better not to interact at school, you weren’t surprised.

You told her you expected this from her and that it was fine, but that maybe you could continue this friendship next summer. That night she hugged you for what seemed like forever as an apology.

When school started back it was like you were strangers. You were surprised to receive some texts from her here and there. You’d always answer, and you’d be lying if you weren’t looking forward to summer.

When the next summer rolled around, as soon as your feet hit the sand you were nearly knocked to the ground. The queen bee locked her hands behind your neck and her legs wrapped around your waist.

“You miss me or something, Gina?”

“You have no idea, how much I’ve been looking forward to it.”

She pulls away to look at you but doesn’t unhook her legs from your face. The two of you stare at each other for a moment before you clear your throat. She drops down smiling innocently as a blush spread across your face.

“You look good,” Regina comments.

Your hand scratches the back of your neck, “Puberty or whatever, I guess.”

Her hand finds yours, “So what’re we doing first?”

Last summer was different than the first. It didn’t feel like you were further expanding the friendship, it felt like you were building something different with Regina.

Those suspicions were confirmed when her lips met yours one night when you both were watching the waves.

“You aren’t supposed to kiss me, Gina,” you whisper against her lips.

“Why not?”

You open your eyes to look into hers, “Because when we go back to North Shore, I’m going to miss this.”

She pulls away, “I’m sorry, I just-”

You chase her until her back is flat on the sand. You hover over her lips, before pecking them, “Be mine for this summer Gina.”

You can see the sadness in her eyes as she speaks, “I’m going to break your heart, Y/n.”

Your hand cups her face, “I know, but that’s not your problem.”

Regina shakes her head, “I care about you, Y/n. I don’t want-"

“Just let me down gently baby,” you plead with her.

She sees the desperation in your eyes as they search hers. Regina didn’t want to hurt you, she needed you to stay away from her. For once in her life, she was thinking about the consequences of her actions. However, pushing you away was not an option.

She captured your lips again. You deserved more, but you were begging for her. All she could do was keep her promise and let you down gently.

You thought you had prepared yourself for the summer to end. That was far from the truth because when you woke up the day before you left, Regina was already gone.

You thought she left without saying goodbye. You were wrong. When you went to the patio of your summer home, you found her goodbye. She left you her jacket, a letter, and a seashell necklace.

The letter itself had a few tear stains on it that made it hard to read. You didn’t think Regina was the type to put pen to paper, but you were used to being surprised by her.

I’ve tried writing this a bunch, but I keep fucking it up. I should’ve started with Dear Y/n or something, but that just didn’t sound right. I’m sorry for so many things, Y/n. You told me to let you down gently and here I am leaving without saying goodbye because I'm selfish. I’m mean, I’m selfish and I’m not good for you. When school starts, I have to uphold this image and as much as I want to say that it’s not me. It’s not true. I’m that girl that you know back home, but here with you… I feel this responsibility to be better. This summer meant everything to me. Every moment with you meant everything to me. I wish we could stay here because I’ve never been happier. I will never be happier then I was here with you. I don’t deserve to be. I hope this was gentle enough, baby.

Love,

Your Gina

Reading the letter stirs a plethora of emotions through your system. You let Regina break your heart and you hadn’t faced her since. The thought of getting close to her at school scared you. You knew the girl you had feelings for didn't exist during this time of year and if you got in her way, she’d surely take you down.

The next day you find yourself wearing a pink tank top mostly covered by your black zip-up hoodie. You send Cady a picture of the jacket advising her to find something that matched.

You arrive on campus and patiently wait for Cady to show up.

“Pink might be your color Y/n.”

You roll your eyes, “Shut up Janis and what are you planning with Cady and Regina?”

“I can't shut up and explain at the same time so…”

“I’m serious Janis. Cady is fresh meat for someone like Regina.”

Janis claps her hands together gleefully, “Fresh meat or a blank canvas. Regina stood up for Cady yesterday, which means she's taken an interest in her. Queen bee sees potential, which means Cady is either a successor or a threat.”

“Ok, what does any of that have to do with you?”

Damian enters the conversation at that point, “Oh it’s a part of her plan for revenge on Regina.”

Janis smacks the boy a few times. The end up play-fighting before you get between them.

“Enough! Revenge for what exactly?”

Janis’s eyes darken, “That information is classified I'm afraid.”

You glare back at her, “You shouldn’t drag Cady into this.”

Now it’s Janis who rolls her eyes, “If she wants to help out a friend who am I to stop her.”

You get up as soon as you spot Cady. With one final look back to Janis you say, “Friends don’t use each other in revenge plots.”

Cady’s outfit was simple, but cute and the jacket would go perfect with it. You greet her with a smile.

“Nervous?”

“More than I was on the first day,” she frowns.

You grab her by the shoulders and shake her a bit, “You got this and even if it flops, you have me ok. The biggest thing to remember is you have to be yourself alright?”

“Janis and Damian said I shouldn’t be myself around The Plastics,” Cady put her head down.

“Hey, look at me. You don’t need to try to fit in with them. Regina invited you to sit, which means she wants you there. Think about it like that,” you try to ease her nerves.

She nods, giving you a small smile in return, “That makes sense. Oh shit, they’re looking at me. Do you have the jacket?”

You turn to find Regina and her clique looking curiously in Cady’s direction. Quickly you pull the jacket out of your bag. Cady reaches for it, and you pull it back slightly.

“This jacket is important to me, ok? I need it back at the end of the day,” you warn her.

Cady’s attention stays on the popular girls until she sees Regina’s gaze shift towards you. Again, the two of you are in an intense staring contest.

“I’ll give it back to you at the end of the day,” Cady repeats.

You hand her the jacket and go to walk off. Her arm catches your wrist, and you turn around. It’s a bit too fast and the girl almost falls, so you steady her.

“Careful,” you scold her lightly.

Her voice is light as she questions you, “Where’re you going?”

“To my locker?” You say curiously.

“Well, mine is close to yours so I didn’t really expect you to- sorry it’s silly. You go, I’ll see you-”

This time it’s her that goes to pull away. You drop your hand into her’s leading her towards the lockers.

“No, you’re right. Sorry, I’m just kind of used to doing my own thing. It makes complete sense for us to go together.”

“I didn’t mean to make a big deal out of it,” she apologizes.

Your hand lets go of hers as you get in front of your locker, “No big deal, let’s just get through today.”

Lunch comes sooner than you want it to. You try to hide your nerves for Cady’s sake. She approaches Regina’s table with you not too far behind her.

Before she sits down, she clears her throat and looks at Regina, “H-hey it’s cool if not, but I was wondering if my friend Y/n could sit here maybe?”

Gretchen goes on some tangent about it being disrespectful to ask and says that Cady should be disinvited just for even bringing it up, “I mean who do you even think you are?”

“Are you done Gretchen?” Regina replies not even looking at the girl.

“I- I,” she stutters and sits silently in defeat.

Regina eyes look at Cady as if she’s bored, “Is she at least wearing pink?”

You unzip your jacket revealing the pink tank top underneath. Regina looks briefly at shirt before letting out an exasperated sigh, “Only today.”

The answer shocks Gretchen and Karen, but they don’t say it. Cady sits at the edge of the table while you decide to sit next to Karen, in a way that separates you from the main group.

“Cute jacket. Where’d you get it?” Regina says to Cady.

The question alone makes the food on the lunch tray unappealing to you.

Cady answers seamlessly, “It was a gift.”

It’s a good save. If it hadn’t been Regina’s jacket it would have been the perfect lie. The blonde lets it go with a hum before she starts diving into the stereotypical gossip of the school.

It’s hard being this close to her. You had done what you could to stay away from her at school, but here you were sitting across from her trying your best not to stare.

Gretchen goes on explaining the rules of The Plastics to Cady for what felt like forever. You mindlessly scroll through your phone wishing the lunch period would end.

Cady definitely didn’t need you here. You had decided that you were going to leave the table, but before you did, you felt her eyes on you. It was like you were glued to the seat.

“So, we’re going to my house after school to study. Cady are you in or out?” Regina asks, but it’s really a demand.

“Yeah, for sure I’m totally in,” she says excitedly.

“One day offer loser, are you in?” Regina looks at her nails, but it’s clear she’s talking to you.

Gretchen speaks up again, “Regina you can’t be serious? Sitting with us was one thing, but-”

“I’m sorry, was I talking to you Gretchen?” Her voice was ice cold.

Cady looks at you with eyes that were basically saying ‘pretty please’.

“I’m in,” you say against your gut feeling.

Once lunch is over you all disperse. Cady corners you before you go to your next class, “Oh my god that went so well. Regina even asked us to come over.”

You bury your head in your hands, “What have I just agreed to?”

“Hey, this is a good thing, right? If it's not its only one hangout,” Cady’s hand finds your shoulder giving you comfort.

“You’re right, it’s just- Regina’s kind of intimidating up close,” You mumble.

Cady nods, “Very intimidating. Did something happen between the two of you?”

You make a face that creases your eyebrows, “Who? Me and Regina.”

“Yeah, I've seen you staring at each other, and it just feels like tension,” Cady says.

You avoid the truth skillfully, “Well, I've known Regina a long time. I’ve seen what she's capable of. It’s pretty scary. It’s not really staring on my part more like freezing in fear.”

“She can’t be that bad. I think she’s kind of sweet,” Cady admits.

You shake your head, “What did I tell you before Cady? Regina George is mean.”

Cady scoffs, “Everybody keeps saying that, but no one is giving me any examples.”

“Watch her the rest of the day, you'll get it then,” you say knowing that Regina couldn't go too long without letting her mean streak show.

It didn’t take long for Cady to see what you were talking about. Regina treated their peers like they were beneath her at every chance she got.

When your last class was over, you both made your way to Regina’s jeep. Cady is stopped on the way by Janis and Damian. You decide against staying for that conversation. You expect the ginger will catch up to you.

When you get to the car Regina is already there waiting. It is slightly strange seeing her without a boy or her friends. Cautiously you approach her, but not to close. You keep your head down as you stand what you deem as near enough to her car.

“Get in,” she says after an awkward silence.

Your hand barely touches the door to the back before she speaks up again, “The front seat.”

This causes you to look up at her, but she’s already making her way around to the driver’s side. You follow her orders and get in the passenger seat next to her.

You can’t remember the last time you felt this fidgety. Your hand finds a spot firmly on your knee to keep it from bouncing out of control.

“You gave her the jacket,” It’s small when she says it.

It’s a challenge for you, but you make eye contact with her, “She’s just borrowing it. I would never give it away. “

The conversation dies there as Karen, Gretchen, and Cady arrive at the jeep.

“Regina, why is she in my spot?” Gretchen complains about your presence once again.

You start to remove the seatbelt to get in the back, but Regina’s hand grabs your wrist.

“Gretchen, when did you start asking more than 2 stupid questions a day? Nothing in my car belongs to you. If she were in the driver's seat, I would expect you to get in and shut the fuck up. So, get in the back and stop being so annoying.”

You could see Gretchen shrink under Regina’s words. Part of you feels bad for her, she was just acting in the way Regina usually would approve of. You were already making things complicated when they didn’t have to be.

The rest of the girls pile into the back of the jeep and it’s awkward for a moment, but eventually the chatter starts naturally. Once again you feel out of place.

You can’t stop thinking of the feeling of Regina’s hand on your wrist. Her skin on yours provides you with a sense of comfort. It’s almost like you were remembering that you knew what she felt like. You’re craving her touch; the thought alone makes your face burn with embarrassment.

Pulling up to Regina’s house feels surreal. It’s bigger than you thought. It almost felt wrong to go inside. Regina ushers everyone upstairs quickly trying to avoid her mother. You move the quickest, slightly afraid that Mrs. George might recognize you from the summer. Cady takes time to properly greet the woman.

If being in her house felt wrong being in her room felt even more invasive. It’s as pink as you imagined it be, but not in a childish way.

This is when Cady tries to fold you into the conversation, “Y/n, actually really likes pink.”

It’s so sudden having all the girls look to you for conformation. You try to regain your usual attitude, rather than the bundle of nerves you've become today.

“I think it's pretty cool,” You shrug.

Karen’s eyes widen, “You talk?”

You laugh as the other girls roll their eyes, “Yes, Karen I talk.”

“Well, you haven't said anything this whole time so how was I dose to know,” she tilts her head to the side.

She has a good point. From that point you try to engage me with the girls. It isn't so bad. The more you talk with the others the more you begin to relax.

That was until Mrs. George came upstairs with snacks. You excuse yourself to the restroom. It isn't until you’re out of the room that you realize you have no idea where it is.

“Follow me,” Regina appears from seemingly thin air.

You follow her and the two of you end up in front of the bathroom door. You stand there not saying anything to each other.

“Well, are you going to go?”

“I don’t actually have to go, I was just saying that to leave the room in case your mom recognized me,” you explain.

Regina nods, “Right makes sense."

Another long pause.

“I’m sorry, for coming here Gi- Regina. I was just trying to be there for Cady,” you don't look at her as you speak.

“Looking out for your new girlfriend, I get it,” there’s some venom in her tone.

“She’s not- I’m not into Cady.”

Regina falters, “It’s not my business, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

That was her way of apologizing. You don’t know what else to say. Your eyes linger on her, taking in her appearance this close.

“Stop looking at me like that,” she says before heading back in the direction of her room.

You sigh, “You look good, Regina.”

That seems to stop her in her tracks. She turns to face you again, “You can't say stuff like that.”

You take the opportunity to joke, “Do I need to say you look so totally fetch instead or…?”

She rolls her eyes playfully, “You’re annoying you know that.”

It’s completely different than how she said it to Gretchen. For this small instance in the hallway, she sounds like your Gina. It makes your heart flutter but sickens you all at the same time.

Re-entering Regina’s room you see the girls looking at a weird book. You see the shift in Regina’s features instantly, “Why is that out here? “

“Your mom thought it would be funny,” Karen answers, flipping through the pages.

You can't help but read one of the pages aloud, “Ms. Norbury is a PUSHER, a SAD OLD DRUG PUSHER.”

The book is filled with girls from school, it’s surprising you had escaped the pages. It’s then you’re reminded just how effortlessly cruel Regina could be.

Janis's revenge plot was starting to make more sense. You hated to agree, but maybe she needed a fall from grace.

“I have to go,” you say gathering you're things.

Regina moves to block your exit. She looks at the rest of girls like they’re idiots, “Why aren't you guys grabbing your shit? She has to go that means you all have to.”

The girls scramble to pick up their stuff. Regina grabs her car keys from the vanity, signaling that she was doing drop offs.

She takes Gretchen home first, then Karen, next is Cady. You notice Cady doesn't have on your jacket when you get a glimpse of her. Slight panic bubbles inside of you. If she left it at Regina’s, you'd likely never see it again. You get a text as you come to this realization.

Cady: The jackets in your backpack

Y/n: Cool thanks

When Regina parks in front of Cady’s house you say goodbye and tell her to text you later. When she leaves the car, the energy shifts drastically.

You knew Regina did this intentionally as your house was only a block over from hers. It would've made sense to take you first, but she waited to have you alone in this moment.

“Can we talk?” You see her hands tightly grip the steering wheel.

“Well now is as good as it's going to get, isn’t it?” You say picking at the sleeves of your sweater.

Regina sighs, “You were never this timid on the beach.”

“You and I both know you're a different person there. I never thought I’d be in this situation with you here, forgive me if I’m cautious around the queen bee,” you rebuttal.

Her grip tightens, “You’re scared of me.”

You shake your head, “I’m not scared of you, Gina.”

“Then why?”

You look out of the window, “I’m scared of the way you make me feel. I look at you and all of a sudden, I want to be back on that beach. This is as close as we’ve been during the school year, and I can’t make a habit of this. You let me down gently, but that doesn’t mean my heart isn’t broken.”

“I told you,” it’s a whisper from the blonde.

“I would do it all over again,” you still can’t look at her.

Regina feels herself losing her composure. Before she can drive any further, she pulls over in a random parking lot. She shakes her head as tears build behind her eyes.

“You’re not supposed to say shit like that, Y/n. It’s cheesy and overplayed. It’s something you say to people that you care about, and you shouldn't care about me,” she begins to breathe heavily.

“Gina-"

Her hands find her hair as a groan leaves her, “I hurt you Y/n and you just let me. Why don’t you hate me?”

Your hands reach for hers. She lets you pull them from her scalp.

“Regina, I’m not some stranger you met on vacation 2 years ago. I grew up here, with you. I knew what I was getting into. I did it anyway,” your thumb runs over her knuckles.

“You didn't want more?”

Your eyes soften, “I wanted you in every way you’d allow me to have you, Gina. You weren’t just some summer fling to me. It’s just- I knew you'd never go for that. You have this image to uphold, and I fuck it up.”

“You shouldn’t care about my image. You should be calling me a coward and a liar. I don’t get why you haven’t even tried to expose me,” she goes on.

“I don't care about school politics,” you say.

She sounds desperate as she speaks, “But I do, and you could ruin me.”

Against your better judgment your hand caresses her cheek. She looks up at you and you lean forward.

“I gain nothing from hurting you Gina,” your lips graze hers as you speak.

“Fuck it,” Regina closes the gap between the two of you.

Her lips against yours feels better than you remember. Neither of you are eager to pull away. When you do your forehead rests against hers.

“I was so stupid thinking I could stay away from you,” Regina says trying to catch her breath.

“I missed you too,” you tell her.

“We have to figure this out. I’m not ready to… show this side of myself to the school, but I need you,” Regina admits.

You shrug your shoulders, “We could sneak around. No one has to know.”

She searches your face, “Are you sure?”

You nod, “Positive.”

People often make jokes about famous last words, but that honestly felt like yours. Life became a lot more hectic after you suggested that arrangement between you and Regina.

A lot of it was a blur as she began to pull you into the janitors closet whenever she got the chance. Sometimes for talking and sometimes to makeout.

Off campus you would find yourself at the blonde’s house quite often. The two of would hang out in her room for hours. On occasion she would borrow her mom’s car to take your somewhere out of the city.

While things were going great for you with Regina. Cady was slowly but surely making her move on Aaron. You didn't think it was wise, but if it made her happy, then you supported it.

Cady had also kept her seat with Regina and friends. It seemed like she was finally progressing towards actually becoming a member of their clique.

You hadn’t been around much, but you hoped this meant Cady was done with whatever Janis had been planning. Playing both sides wouldn’t be good for her.

“Are you going to Chris Eisel's Halloween party?”  Cady asks as she goes through her locker.

“Probably, everyone is going.”

She nods her head, “I think I'm going to try to get with Aaron at the party.”

Your eyes widen, “I don't know if that's a good idea.”

Cady dismisses your warning, “Regina and I are cool now. I think I'm going to tell her I like him and see if it's ok that I take my chance.”

You look at her as if she was crazy, “Cady getting with the queen bee's ex-boyfriend is not smart.  Telling her about it beforehand only gives her prep time to take you down.”

“It will be fine.”

You knew that it, in fact, would not be fine. Your suspicions were confirmed later in the day when you were in Regina’s room.

The blonde paces back and forth silently. There’s a scowl on her face. You let her try to cool down for nearly 15 minutes, but at this rate there would be a hole in the floor where she walked.

“So, you talked to Cady,” you lightly poke the bear.

“Who does she think she is? I let her into the most influential group at the school and now she wants to fuck my ex. If she gets with Aaron there’s a chance that I look like an idiot,” Regina was furious.

“How would that make you look bad? You dumped him, right?” you try to follow.

“It makes it look like I’d allow anyone to have the things that I have. Dating Aaron would push her up the social ladder. Being one of us and dating him would make her more popular than me,” she says it like it’s obvious.

“Right,” you’re still confused.

Regina groans before finally sitting on her bed next to you, “You wouldn’t get it. You’re not into the school politics or whatever it is you say.”

You wrap your arms around the blonde and she leans back into your touch, “Just try not to destroy her too bad, ok? She’s, my friend.”

“I’m going to put that ginger bitch in her place,” she threatens.

You sigh, but there’s not much else you can do. You warned Cady that this was a bad idea.

“No more talking about Cady. We have episodes of Malcolm in the Middle to watch,” you kiss the top of her head.

“You’re right, I don’t want her cutting into our time together,” she places a kiss to the side of your jaw.

You knew that whatever happened at that party would be bad, but for now you decided to ignore it for now. In hindsight, it was a mistake. It was almost as if all the time you were spending with Regina made you forget that when everything was said and done, she was mean.

The party’s already in full affect when you get there. It’s almost impossible not to spot Cady in her costume.

“I see you went for the scary over sexy look,” you shout so that she can hear you.

“I thought this is what they meant by costume. Not just a pair of mouse ears,” you can barely make out what she’s saying over the giant plastic teeth.

You laugh, “Well I think it’s pretty cool for what it’s worth.”

“Thanks, I hope Aaron thinks so too. Who are supposed to be?”

You pull out your tiny comb and run it through your hair, “Well me sweetheart, I’m grease lightning.”

She giggles at your antics, “I don’t why, but that makes sense for you.”

You chat with Cady enjoying the party atmosphere until you get a glimpse of Regina, “Wow.”

Cady turns her attention to the blonde, “She looks amazing. Is she-”

“An angel,” you finish Cady’s thought.

Cady watches as your eyes rake Regina’s entire form, “I’ve never seen you look like such a fan of hers before.”

It’s a task as you tear your eyes away from Regina, “I’ve said it a million times Cady. She’s mean, but damn she's pretty.”

“I’m going to go say hi, I’ll be right back.”

You don’t stay to watch the interaction between the two girls opting to get a drink from the kitchen instead.

In the kitchen your quest for a drink is postponed as you see Karen standing on the table, looking as if she was going to fall. In typical North Shore fashion, instead of helping her down people are recording her.

You take it upon yourself to walk over and extend your hand to the girl. She takes it gratefully, but still manages to trip on her way down. You’re reflexes work fast to catch her, and steady her on the ground.

“Y/n, you saved me,” she giggles and jumps up and down a few times.

You laugh with your response, “I did, but be careful next time I might not be around.”

“I was trying to find Gretchen,” the girl frowns.

You sigh, trying to figure out if you really want to take on this task. One look at Karen’s wobbly stance, and you take her hand.

“Let’s find her.”

It takes you longer than expected to find Gretchen. When you get a glimpse of her, she’s yelling at Jason over who knows what. You see if you wait it out if it will end, but it doesn’t. So instead, you decide to interrupt anyway.

“Gretchen!” Karen exclaims as you get closer to the girl with the loose curls.

“Karen was looking for you,” you tell her nonchalantly.

Gretchen looks at her clearly drunk friend and then back to the boy she was arguing with. She points her finger at him, “This isn’t over.”

She then takes Karen by the arm and begins to drag her away, “Bye Y/n.”

Gretchen turns back to you for a quick moment mouthing ‘thank you’ before she goes to take care of Karen.

You’re basically back to the middle of the party. You look for Cady and spot her standing still across the room. Her chest heaves up and down rapidly as she clutches her hand over it.

You follow her line of sight and feel your heart break in your chest. Regina and Aaron are locked in an enthusiastic kiss. Tears threaten to spill from your eyes, but you hold them at bay. You make your way over Cady deciding that the party is over for the both of you.

Your presence takes her out of her trance, “Let’s go.”

She looks over to see Regina looking right at her. Cady doesn’t hesitate to follow your lead out of the party. It’s not until Regina realizes that you’re the one taking Cady, that the blonde regrets her actions.

You don’t know how you end up and Janis’s place, but you do. Janis and Damian are watching some old Halloween movie in her garage. Cady starts telling the art kids what happened at the party. Janis springs up from her seat quickly comforting the girl.

You take this opportunity to sit next to Damian. Its then that you learn that Cady didn’t actually know why Janis wanted revenge. You find out some details you didn’t know either, despite being there for the debacle.

“Now you know that Regina George is not your friend, we’re your friends and we’re going to make her pay,” Janis says with her eye twitching.

“Pause, why are you here Y/n?” Damian acknowledges that you look just as upset as Cady.

You search for an answer, “I brought Cady.”

Janis narrows her eyes at you, “That’s not everything.”

You know you shouldn’t, but as the images of Aaron and Regina cross your mind you can’t hold it in.

Your head falls into your hands, “It’s complicated.”

The moment the two words leave your lips you find yourself telling them everything from the first summer to the recent rendezvous. By the time you're done you’re a mess.

“She told me this would happen, but I didn't listen. I’m so stupid,” you began to get angry at yourself as you harshly wiped your eyes.

“Hey, don't be so hard on yourself,” Janis wraps an arm around.

“And I thought she was cruel before,” Damian looks at you sympathetically.

“She’s not going to get away with this Y/n,” Cady promises.

You shake your head, “Guys, I’m not out for vengeance. I just- it hurts.”

Janis rubs your shoulder a few times, “Don’t worry, we got your back. While Cady focuses on knocking Regina down a peg, Damian and I will make sure she stays away from you.”

Just as the words leave her mouth your phone begins to buzz repeatedly. You peak down at it and can see a bunch of messages from Regina coming through. You reach for it, but Cady takes it and simply flips it over on the table.

“No more, Regina George. “Now, what are we watching,” she says, and you nod gaining back some of your bearings.

So, you spend the rest of your night watching bad horror movies with your friends, trying to keep your mind off of Regina.

The next school day you don’t make it far without feeling a certain pair of eyes on you. Before you can turn to look in her direction Janis and Damian are by your side whisking you into the school building.

“I can’t believe you didn’t like disintegrate under her gaze,” Janis comments.

Damian follows up, “Yeah if looks could kill, you’d probably be dead right now.”

Your gaze stays on the floor, “She can look all she wants as long as she keeps her distance.”

That's basically what transpires your next 6 weeks at school. Janis, Damian, and Cady fail to make any sort of mockery of Regina, the popular girl debuts her rekindled romance, and you fall deeper into your depression.

Regina does try approaching you a few more times, but she consistently gets blocked by Janis, Damian, or Cady, for which you’re grateful. You don’t want to talk to her while she’s busy parading her boy toy around.

Every day is starting to seem longer than the last. You dread stepping on campus, because even if you manage to avoid seeing Regina, she’s all anyone talked about. It was like you were always surrounded by her and it was driving you insane.

It gets to the point where sometimes you periodically skip class, just to walk the empty hallways to get away from her. Skipping class seems to be your downfall as you find yourself being yanked into the janitors closet.

“What the fuck?” Your initial panic only increases when you see Regina blocking the door.

“We need to talk,” Regina says with a sharp tone.

You shake your head, “No we don’t, now let me out of here Regina.”

You try to push past her, but she puts a hand on your chest, “I’ve been trying to talk to you since the Halloween party.”

“For what, Regina? You put Cady in her place just like you said you would. I should've seen it coming,” your words come out harsh.

“I didn’t mean for you to get hurt,” her voice was small when she spoke.

You let out a bitter chuckle, “There was no way I wasn’t going to get hurt. What, you were just going to kiss and date Aaron publicly while keeping me on the side?”

“I don’t care about Aaron, I only care about you,” she shoots back.

“You couldn’t even run it by me. Maybe check to see if I would’ve been ok with it? Regina we were practically dating,” you argue to the girl.

Regina runs a hand through her hair, “I know that. I know I fucked up, I’ve been trying to apologize, to talk to you, but your guard dogs never let me get close.

You scoff, “My friends are protecting me from you.”

Regina sounds incredulous, “So you told them?”

Your hands go up feigning exasperation, “Yes, I told them. I didn’t really have a choice because when I left the party, I was a fucking mess, and they were there for me.”

“It was just a kiss, Jesus Christ you’re acting like I fucked him on the couch,” she complains.

The disbelief in your tone comes out, “You really don’t get it, do you? You want to know why it fucked me up so bad? Despite how mean you are and how vain you can be, I saw something in you. I cut through all the bullshit to find the actual human being with feelings. I got to know you better than anyone else in this hell hole ever will. Underneath all that toxic plastic costume that you wear is the girl that I loved. So, I’m sorry if my hurt feelings are too much for you, but it fucking sucks seeing the person you love kiss someone else.”

You didn't know when you got so close to Regina. The roles had reversed at some point, and you were now the one trapping her against the closet door. Her blue eyes peer into yours looking for any sign of deceit.

“You loved me?”

You close your eyes, “Don’t make me say it again. “

Regina doesn't have the words. She doesn't want to search for them. All she wants to do is kiss you. So, against her better judgment she hurriedly places her lips on yours.

You should push her away, tell her that this isn't an apology. Yet the only thing you can do is wrap your arms around her and pull her into you. The kiss is sloppy, and it sends you both into a frenzy. Neither of you break it even when you both know better.

When the door to the closet is violently yanked open, is when you finally pull away from each other. Aaron stands there looking between yourself and Regina. The blonde yanks the door back shut, and you drop to the floor as embarrassment sets in.

“Fuck, I have to go,” you say trying to pull yourself together.

“You can’t go we haven’t talked,” Regina tries to block you.

This time you’re gentle as you move her aside, “There’s nothing to talk about Gina. You were right, I thought I could handle the heartbreak, but this is too much.”

Leaving the closet your jaw clenches as you see Cady down the hall. Her attention that was on Aaron, shifts to you. Her eyes go wide as she begins to figure out what happened in the closet. You don't give her the chance to comfort you opting to leave the school entirely.

Maybe it was time to embrace the school’s politics. Becoming the outcast, loner, weirdo didn’t sound so bad anymore. Anything to keep you away from The Plastics and The Art Freaks. You didn’t want to deal with either side ever again.

Just like you had done with Regina you ignored all of Cady, Janis, and Damian’s messages. You and the block button had never been any closer. At school you resumed having your lunch outside away from the drama and stuffy cafeteria.

In class you kept your focus on the teacher ignoring any notes or whispers from the trio. It was a challenge, but it was for the best.

You kept your head down when walked the halls and your earbuds in. If you kicked out the outside world then it was like it didn’t exist. You should’ve been paying more attention.

That’s the thought that crosses your mind as you trip right in front of Regina George. You expect to hit the floor dramatically but are surprised when you feel her hands at your waist keeping you upright.

The entire school watches with bated breath waiting for your fate. You too, are curious to see how the queen bee will treat you with the public watching.

“Watch it… loser,” she mumbles, making sure to shove you lightly out of her way.

You can tell her heart isn’t in it, but it looks normal to the public. In some ways it looked like you got a warning, which Regina was kind enough to give to most people.

You didn't dwell on it much. She probably had bigger things to worry about with the talent show happening so soon. The Plastics never missed a year of doing their kind of provocative and surely cringe-inducing dance routine.

Extra credit was being offered in most of your classes for students who went. So, you had decided to go to boost up your grades.

On the night of the talent show, you take a seat in the back row. Most of it is uninspiring. You hate to admit that you really enjoyed Damian’s rendition of the Icarly theme song. It was weird, but in that sort of niche artistic way that made it cool to you.

When The Plastics get on stage you’re surprised to see Cady with them. It was unsurprising to see everyone recording the performance. You’re sure some weirdos would be glad to have that performance at their disposal.

 It is more difficult to watch this year than the previous. Something is more off key than usual. When the cartwheel spot is being set up you see Karen’s knee buckle first then Regina slams into the floor.

When she does, the crowd erupts. You shoot out of your seat as well. This is her worst nightmare. In a digital era, there’s no way that this isn’t going to go viral.

You don’t know why you’re running out of the theater, but you are. You didn’t know where to look for her, but she had to come to her car. You stand outside the pink jeep for what feels like an eternity.

In reality, it was only a few minutes before you could make out the figure of the crying blonde. You wait for her to get closer before attempting to say anything.

“Regina-”

She tries snapping at you, but it doesn’t pack much of a punch behind the tears, “It’s pretty funny, isn’t it? I bet you enjoyed every second of it.”

“Give me your keys,” you say without pause.

“What?”

“It’s dangerous to drive under intense emotion. Give me your keys, so I can take you home,” you reiterate.

Regina wants to question it, but she doesn’t want to ruin tonight even more. She put her keys in your hands. You don’t say anything else, simply waiting for her to get in the car.

When she does, you begin driving to her house. You can see her scrolling through her phone, so you snatch it from her at a red light.

“Stop,” you tell her, knowing she’s looking at her viral moment.

When you get to her house you follow her to her room. She faceplants on her bed and you watch as her body begins to vigorously shake with sobs.

You sit next to her your hand rubs her back soothingly, “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“You’re not happy that your bestie usurped me,” she says sarcastically.

“I haven’t spoken to Cady, since the closet thing happened,” you admit to her.

She wiped her eyes, “Why not?”

“Well Cady’s the one who told Aaron to check the closet,” you tell her.

“That bitch.”

You nod, “Yeah, I know that she and Janis wanted revenge, but that was low.”

Regina’s eyebrow furrows, “What are you talking about?”

You fill her in on everything and you can see her get angrier at every word.

“You didn’t think to warn me?”

You fight back, “Last time I checked they were failing. I wasn’t in on the planning, and I don’t even know all that they did. But also, I don’t owe you anything Regina.”

Her tongue clicks against her cheek, “I guess that’s fair.”

You speak again, “I don’t really know why I’m here if I’m being honest with you. I saw you hit the floor, and I just felt like I needed to be here for you.”

Regina laughs softly, “Even after all of this, you’re still thinking about how I feel.”

You laugh too, “I don’t think I can help it. I mean you are the Regina George, massive deal and all that.”

She shakes her head, “Not after this. I will never be her again.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

She looks at you, “I mean it doesn’t feel great, to be embarrassed for the whole world to see.”

“Fair point, but what is it they say about the head that wears the crown. Aren’t you a little bit relieved that you don’t have to be perfect anymore?”

She shrugs, “I guess so. My heart hasn’t been inn it since the last time we talked.”

“Regina, I don’t know if now is the time to-"

Her eyes lock on yours, “Please.”

Reluctantly you nod your head.

“I’m not a caring person. I don't usually give a fuck about anything but myself. I’m selfish and ruthless and cruel and mean. I really am everything that these people are saying about me. Except when it comes to you. I care about you more than I’ve cared about anything in a long time.”

She looks at you to make sure you're really hearing her.

“Kissing Aaron was so fucking stupid. I felt threatened by Cady and in truth I acted how I usually would. But I forgot to consider your feelings because I’m not used to considering others. I knew I fucked up and I wanted to fix it, but you were avoiding me. So, I kept the act because if I lost you at least I still had my power.”

“So, you care about your power more than me?”

Regina frowns, “No, I don’t, that’s what I’m trying to say. In that closet when you told me you loved me, it was like everything just clicked into place. We got carried away and then you left, but if you would’ve stayed just a second longer, I could’ve told you I loved you too.”

“Regina-”

“I’m almost done I promise. I could’ve told you any time after the fact, but it felt selfish. I was trying to do the right thing for once. You said that I hurt you too much and you were right. So, I thought it didn’t matter. I still don’t know if it matters, but if this is the last chance I have to say it, Y/n I love you.”

Your heart could come out of your chest at Regina’s admission. You’d love nothing more than to just pull her in and kiss, but something was stopping you.

“I love you too Gina, but what does that mean for us?”

Regina takes your hand in hers, “I want to be with you. Not just on the beach, but here, everywhere.”

You can sense there’s something she wanted to say, “But…”

“But I want to deal with the situation at school first. I want to change, but I still have to be mean for a while. I don't know if you’ll like that side of me,” Regina looks at her bedsheets.

You let a tiny smile come over your features, “I’m not really into school politics. So, I don't mind if you’re still a little mean. As long as you don't care that I want to be by your side.”

Regina has a smile that matches yours, “I like the thought of you by my side.”

“Good, because I don't plan on leaving.”

You can't wait any longer. You take her face in both of your hands and kiss her softly. Regina melts against your lips. It’s not like the kiss in janitors, it’s closer to your first kiss together. There’s a slight hesitation, but it’s not enough to stop.

“I love you,” she says against your lips.

“I love you too.”

You stayed at Regina’s pretty late that night. It was so late that by the time you got home you were exhausted. When your alarm went off in the morning, you snored right through it. You ended up making it to your third period right before the bell rang to start class.

You took your seat next to Cady. Something about her was different. She looks like Regina, more than usual. She wasn't paying any attention during class, to preoccupied with her makeup.

“What’s up with her?” You say to Janis, who sits directly behind you.

“Oh, well hello to you too stranger.”

You roll your eyes, “I’m serious, Janis.”

The artist shrugs, “I don't know. After last night I called game on the revenge, but Cady said she needed one more day.”

You frown, “Is worldwide embarrassment not enough? She’s viral all over the internet for her fall.”

“I thought so, but this is all Cady,” there’s some hint of worry in her tone.

You want to talk to the ginger, but the moment the bell rings she's out of the class. Once you’re out of class you head to the cafeteria for lunch. As you’re standing in line waiting for the food the loud chatter of the cafeteria drops.

You lift your head up to see why; it’s Regina. She’s not in her usual attire opting for something more comfortable, but just as cute in your opinion. She walked over to her usual table but was stopped from sitting.

You couldn't hear the conversation, but you did hear as Regina’s friend yelled, “You can’t sit with us.”

Nobody in the cafeteria moves to make space for the girl. Her mean nature finally biting her in the ass. You set your lunch tray down loudly, causing the attention to shift to you.

You hate the way everyone looks on, as you make your way towards Regina. Standing by her side in front of the entire school felt strange.

You hold your hand out for her to take and she does. You glare hits all the girls’ sitting at The Plastics table before lingering on Cady, “Let’s go outside, it’s stuffy in here anyway.”

Regina let you drag her out of the cafeteria towards the front of the school. You found a shady spot under the tree and sat there.

“You want me to sit on the ground?”

You look at her and then pat your lap, “You could always sit here instead.”

She takes a seat on the grass next to you, “I wouldn’t want to crush you. I’m so fat now.”

You frown and pull the girl into your lap. She squeals and tries to get away, but you lock your arms around her.

“Doesn’t feel like you’re crushing me.”

Regina looks away from you, “I’m wearing these sweats because I can’t fit any of my pants anymore. It doesn't make any sense because all I've been eating are these nasty bars that Cady gave me.”

You take the bar from Regina. The more you examine it the angrier you get.

“Don’t eat anymore of this shit.”

“What’s wrong with them?”

You feel your body growing hot with anger, “These are Kalteen bars. They’re for gaining weight.”

Regina’s facial expression darkens, “What?”

“I’m going to kill her. This is too far,” you start to stand, but Regina stops you.

“I will handle it,” Regina’s calm tone is unnerving, but Cady deserves whatever hell Regina invokes on her for this.

“Ok, but I’m here if you need me,” you squeeze her lightly.

“Thank you, baby. Not just for being here, but for what you did in the cafeteria. I know you don’t like the attention,” she places a kiss on your cheek.

You blush at her praise, “I don’t like it, but I wasn’t going to stand idly by why Cady tried to humiliate you in front of everyone again.”

“I don’t want to talk about her anymore. Karma will get her soon enough and her world will be burnt to a crisp,” Regina’s smile is small yet sadistic.

Maybe a few hours ago you would’ve warned Regina about taking it too far. Potentially you would have said something about the moral high ground. However, upon learning about the weight gaining bars, you decided that Cady needed to be humbled quickly.

You and Regina decide to ditch the rest of the school day. You spend the day at her house watching tv in her bed. It only takes a few episodes before you fall asleep, still feeling some grogginess from your morning.

After a few minutes of your soft snores, Regina begins her plot. She knew this would not only destroy Cady, but the entire population of girls at the school. They deserved it after the talent show and lunch today. If they thought she was a problem when she was mean, nothing could prepare them for when she felt vindictive.

“What’re you doing so far away,” you yawn and make grabby hands at the blonde.

“This is called full proof revenge,” she holds up the burn book.

Your eyes widen as you read ‘this girl is a fugly cow’, “Oh shit.”

“Come here.”

You follow her orders. She opens the book to a page that has your name and your picture, but no description, “Where’d you get this picture of me?”

Regina shakes her head, “Not important. You need to write something mean about yourself here.”

You give her a questioning look, “Why?”

“Because it’ll look suspicious if you aren’t in it,” she hands you a marker.

You don't think about it too much as you write ‘Gay Loner Weirdo’ above the picture.

“Simple, elegant, classy,” you hand the marker back to her.

“Timeless if you will,” Regina jokes.

You nod feigning insight, “Yes, it was either that or Regina George sympathizer, but that felt too new. Gotta make them think I was always in there.”

The two of spent the rest of the day enjoying each other’s company. It was a nice change for once. You found yourself thinking that you could get used to having Regina to yourself like this.

You expect chaos the next time you step onto campus, but you aren’t prepared for what you walk in to. The halls were a mess. Girls are fighting, running, and screaming everywhere you look.

“This is insane,” you whisper to yourself.

“This is what happens when you fuck with Regina George,” the girl appears by your side faux distraught on her features.

You don’t get to answer her before principal Duvall calls for all the girls in the gymnasium. A situation like this was unprecedented in the history of the school. So, it didn't surprise you that none of the faculty knew what to do about it.

They were trying some weird truth and unity trust fall that you thought was a shitty idea. Things were cringy at first, but it seemed like the message was working on a few girls.

When Janis gets up there things take a turn for the worst as she begins to air out Regina and Cady’s dirty laundry, “… and I find it so ironic because while Regina’s been calling me a pyro lez she's been busy having summer beach romances with Y/n. Pretty fucking gay if you ask me.”

She lets out a scream before falling into the arms of the student body who began changing her name and carrying her out.

The only students left in the gym were yourself, Cady, and Regina. Cady’s remorse finally manages to kick in and she starts to apologize. She doesn't get too far in before Regina storms off. You stay hot on her heels as Cady follows the two of you. Regina makes it all the way to the front lot before she turns around to start arguing with Cady.

The closer Cady gets to the blonde, the further Regina goes into the street. You’re somewhere in between trying to mediate the situation.

“Why don't we do this somewhere private for once? Where the while school isn’t involved,” you suggest.

“I don't have anything to say to her except that she's parading around as a cheaper version of me. She can imitate take it all, but she’ll never be as good as me,” Regina spits out.

“Regina, I’m-"

You look between the girl’s and that's when you see the bus coming from the corner of your eye.

“Regina!”

You scream her name, and your body moves on its own as you forcefully tackle the girl to the ground. You make sure to protect her head with your arms as you go down on the concrete. Everything feels like it’s slowed down as your arms connect with the concrete.

That feeling is nothing compared to the pain you feel in your leg. You cry out in pain at the feeling of your leg being run over by the bus.

“Oh my god, Y/n. Someone help, quit standing around like idiots. Call an ambulance or something, make yourselves useful,” Regina yells as the entire school looks on.

She repositions herself so that your head is in her lap as she holds your sobbing figure. She can’t help it as her own tears begin to fall.

When the ambulance comes, you’re loaded in and rushed to the hospital. As much as Regina fought to get into the ambulance, they wouldn't let her. She knew you were going to need surgery on your leg, it had to be completely broken. All she could do was worry and count down the moments until she would be able to see you.

It took a full day for you to wake up after the accident and another before you were allowed visitors. Regina was the first person there.

The first thing she did was kiss you, “Don’t ever do anything stupid like that again.”

You laugh tiredly, “I believe the words are thank you.”

“It’s not funny Y/n, you could’ve died.”

You readjust the bed to sit up straight, “I wasn’t going to let you get full on hit by a bus Gina. My leg will be fine after rehab. The doctor says I'm lucky that it broke clean, but I might have some permanent nerve damage.”

“But you'll still be able to walk?”

You nod, “It’ll take a few months, and I might have like a permanent limp, but I’ll be able to walk."

“You saved my life,” her hand interlocks with yours.

“I mean we don't know that. You could've survived being hit by the bus,” you joke further.

“Oh yeah, totally would've survived. Probably would be walking around with the hottest neck brace on the market,” she rolls her eyes.

“Super fetch neck brace,” you add.

She groans, “I love you, but you have to stop saying that.”

“I love you too, but I’m going to keep saying it,” you kiss the back of her hand.

Regina isn't the only one who stops to visit you. You’re a little surprised to see Cady stop by. The popular persona was nowhere to be seen. She looks the same as the first day you met her.

“I know you probably don't want to see me, but I came to apologize… for everything. I did exactly what you warned me not to and got caught up in the school politics,” she stands by the forest while she talks.

You motion for her to have a seat, and she does so cautiously. You let out a breath before addressing the girl, “I did warn you, but sometimes you have to make mistakes to learn and grow. When you sent Aaron to the closet, I was so upset with you. Maybe I could’ve forgiven you then, but your attitude just went downhill from there.”

“I know.”

“I’m not even mad about it anymore. I’m more upset about what you did to Regina. Some of that shit was pretty low, Cady,” you tell her.

“I know, I got caught up in Janis’s plan. I was so excited to have friends that I thought going along with it was ok, but it wasn't. What makes it even worse is that I got carried away and became someone I’m not. And now you're here in the hospital because of me,” she can’t look at you.

“Cady you weren't driving the bus.”

She stands her ground, “It’s the domino effect of my actions. No one would’ve been-"

You cut her off, “Cady this isn't your fault. You sound crazy. I literally kind of threw myself in the path of the bus. It was my choice, and I stand by it. Instead of taking accountability for things that aren’t your fault, maybe you should focus on the things that are your fault.”

“Like with Regina,” she says to herself.

“Regina, Janis, hell even Ms. Norbury. Apologize and mean it, that’s a step in the right direction,” you tell her.

“How do you always manage to have the right advice?”

“We're all just actual human beings at the end of the day Cady. Falling into these boxes that we think are desirable takes us out of the reality of the situation.”

She takes in your words and then stands, “I’m going to go work on being an actual human being. Maybe when it's all over, we can be friends again.”

You salute her playfully, “Go get em tiger.”

Despite your injury, time seems to go by in a blur. Rehab is hard and the handful of meds you have to take is annoying, but it’s worth it. You were doubtful about returning to campus before the end of the year, but you found yourself cleared a week before Spring Fling. You’d have to use a crutch, but for the most part you were alright.

“You know we don’t have to go to the dance, right? I’m content staying here and finally finishing Malcolm in the Middle,” Regina says as fixes the sleeves of your suit.

“I know, but I have to let my adoring public know that I’ve escaped the clutches of death.”

Regina stops her movements, “I’m being serious, Y/n."

You place a hand on her waist, “I want to go out and dance with you. Or at least attempt to.”

Regina blushes under your touch, “Might be a little difficult with the crutch.”

“It can sit on the bleachers for one dance,” your eyes are love-struck, staring at Regina.

Her face heats even more under your gaze, “Let’s go your adoring public awaits or whatever.”

For the second time in your school career all eyes seem to be on you as you enter the dance. It could be the fact that you looked good, or maybe that you were walking in with Regina George on your arm, or more likely that no one had seen you since the bus ran over your leg.

“Do people ever do anything besides staring,” you say to the blonde.

“Nope,” she pops the ‘p’ on the word.

You don't get particularly far into the dance floor on account of your crutch. Instead, you find yourself situated by the punchbowl. You urge Regina to go dance, which she does reluctantly.

“You know rumors were going around that you’d lost your leg,” Janis appears by your side.

You look down at your leg, “Still there.”

“Look I wanted to say I’m sorry for how everything played out. It wasn’t cool to try to involve you in the drama and I shouldn’t have said anything about your thing with Regina,” she apologizes.

“Apology accepted, I’m just ready to move on from everything,” you say earnestly.

“Janis,” Regina says cordially, as she puts herself in this conversation.

“Regina,” the girl answers in the same tone.

With a respectful nod the girl in the purple tux takes her leave.

“What was that about?”

“Well, I' told you that I wanted to change. The first part of that is making amends. Janis and I had a talk, we both apologized. So now, we’re civil with each other,” Regina reveals.

“That’s awesome baby, I’m proud of you.”

She looks away from you as embarrassment coats her face, “Yeah whatever, don’t you owe me a dance?”

You laugh and lean your crutch against the wall before offering her your hand. Your leg is strong enough for the two of you to sway together as a slow song plays.

“People are still watching, I think it’s the Regina George factor,” you say so only that she can hear.

“I don’t really mind it. It lets them know you’re mine.”

A goofy smile plants itself on your face, “Oh, am I?”

Regina nods, “All mine.”

You lean in closer to her, “Weird way to ask if I'll be your girlfriend, but I accept.”

Regina begins to sputter which keeps you smiling. The smug look on your face drives her crazy. She’s quick to place a soft kiss on your lips to regain some control of the situation.

“That’s so not fair,” you say against her lips.

“It’s girlfriend privileges,” she counters back.

When the song is over principal Duvall calls for the nominees for Spring Fling king and queen to go up on stage. You stand to the side and cheer loudly as your girlfriend gets on the stage. Tension slowly builds as the man reads of the kings name first before holding the envelope with the queen’s name in it.

Silence takes over the crowd as principal Duvall announces Cady as the queen of Spring Fling. When the girl gets on the stage, you notice she’s not dressed for the dance at all. The casual attire with a letterman jacket seems like a change of pace for her.

She takes the microphone and starts to apologize publicly to everyone she has wronged. She breaks the crown into pieces sharing it with the girls on stage. She also throws some pieces into the crowd before getting off the stage.

The ginger makes her way over to you and hands you a piece of the plastic crown, “Glad you could make it.”

You smile at her, “That was probably the corniest shit I have ever seen, but you seemed like an actual human being on that stage.”

“Learned from the best. I’m going to go talk to Janis, but I’ll see you around?”

“Definitely,” you reassure her and watch as she goes off to continue righting her wrongs.

Regina comes not too long after Cady goes. She leans her back against you lightly and you wrap an arm around her.

“I'm ready for summer,” she mentions offhandedly.

“Why?”

She tilts her back to look up at you, “I'm ready to sit on the beach and relax with my extremely hot girlfriend.”

Her eyes sparkle as they peer into yours. This moment feels like it could last forever. You get to be with the Regina George in a room where anyone can see. Yet you resonate with her words deeply. Nothing sounds quite as good as having the girl all to yourself, soaking up the sun. You can almost see the book in your hand while the blonde rests her head in your lap.

“Me too.”

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Okay this isnt costume but I do have thoughts about it. Full disclosure Im just a woman in stem so idk anything about tv production/set design etc and if its normal to set up lighting like this but like. I do think its really interesting that all the light in the scene is between buck and eddie. Specficially when buck is talking to tommy all of the light is coming from where eddie is sitting and it literally looks like tommy is casting a shadow over him. And also to some extent all the light on eddie is coming from where buck is sitting

Hey Nonnie

Being a woman in Stem is a fabulous thing and you have far more knowledge of tv production and set design than you think - you've proven it in your ask.

The lighting and camera departments can set up the lighting and how it appears on camera however they'd like - the lights are mostly moveable (apart from the ones that appear on camera - such as the ceiling lights in the corridor behind tommy!) so can be positioned to push the light in the desired direction! The crews choices are all part of telling the story and aiding the narrative.

The things you've written above that you picked up on are exactly what you should be seeing - what they want you to be picking up on - even if it is only subconsciously (trust me you notice when a scene is lit badly and wrongly for what the other elements are trying to say!).

This scene (or section of scene as we don't yet know how much more of it there is or isn't!) is all about the triangles, and it has very much been lit to ensure that triangle is obvious!

This is also shown in the way the light hits each character

Bucks light is coming from the left of the camera - lighitng bucks right side

Tommy's is coming from both above and from behind Buck, but also from behind him, but becasue of the way the blinds are positioned it generally drives that from behind light downwards - except through the doorway - which is directly behind Tommy and helps create that looming shadow you mentioned.

While Eddies is coming from behind and to his left side (and a little bit behind him as well)

All of the light is coming from behind Eddie and between Eddie and Buck - they are not in shadow, but Tommy is - which can be seen best from this angle here;

Where we can see a clear line across Bucks pillow casting his injured arm and Tommy into shadow - which is coming from behind Eddie.

Whats interesting is the way that this lighting set up casts all of their faces into shadow in varying ways as you can see in the pictures above - we have Eddie who's face is mostly in shadow apart from the section from his left eyebrow round to his ear. Buck who is more or less half and half vertically, while Tommy is lit straight on but also slightly from above - meaning the lower half of his face is slightly in shadow, but generally speaking his entire face is lit. This is a play on the episode title - Tommy is not wearing a mask, while both Buck and Eddie are - to various extents - Bucks mask is hiding who he is from Tommy while Eddies is hiding most of himself from both of them, but Buck can see some of the real him (the lit part!).

The other thing the lighting does in this scene - is make the area around Tommy appear darker and duller - the image below shows this pretty well - with all the light coming into the room from behind Eddie and from the corridor behind tommy - the area behind Tommy should be brighter that it appears - but instead it is very cool toned and dull and gives the feeling of creeping darkness that makes the space look like its closing in. The opposite is the case with Eddie - its much brighter and warmly lit and feels like the light is expanding.

This is what good lighting and the right filter on the camera can do!

The other thing that we can see from the lighting and from the camera angles is the fact that Buck and Eddie are at the same level while Tommy is looking down on both of them

If we compare these lighting and sightline aspects with the other scene/scene we have stills for involving Buck, Tommy and Eddie we can see a similar thing - Tommy is looking down at Buck in the living room but we don't have that triangle formed as there is only the two of them in the scene.

The light is hitting him in a similar way to the hospital - more or less front on. This time is is creating a little more shadow over the side of his face. It will be interesting to see how much of Bucks face is in shadow when we see things from other angles.

The scene at the dining table is the most similar to the hospital scene - we have the identical sight lines (making an approximation due to not actually being able to see Tommy in the still!) only this time it is Eddie who is looking down while Buck and tommy are at an even sightline.

The light is coming in from behind Eddie once more as well creating a similar effect to the hospital scene. I'm making the assumption that the camera will be located in the kitchen so that we are given the scene straight on - putting tommy in between Buck and Eddie visually - this angle will allow us to see if the same shadows are being cast across their faces or if they are different. When we see the scene we should also be able to get a better idea of warmth v cool with the lighting.

I hope this is helpful - I'm by no means an expert on the lighting side of things, just the stuff I picked up from the sets I've been on in my past life! You're already getting so much of it though, so just keep watching and paying attention and you'll find you spot more and more and begin to connect how the choices made serve the scene!

This was fun to answer! 💜💜💜

[deconstructthesoup]

The Web House

Full disclosure—I did not have this all typed out before today, but this won the poll, and I do nothing if not deliver.

*cracks knuckles*

So, this is kind of an inverse to my already well-established AU, The Wittebane Archives, over on AO3—Luz is the Archivist and going through the horrors, there’s an equal amount of deep character moments as well as incredibly chilling encounters, it’s great, it’s one of my favorite things I’ve ever written, please go check it out. You got tragic Lumity, tragic Huntlow, wholesome Veesha, Skara and Boscha content, and Belos being much more morally grey than you’d expect. Also, there’s some fucked-up monster content.

ANYWAYS!

I finally decided to do an AU where a young Jon ends up on the Boiling Isles, and I took a similar approach with the tone that I did with Wittebane Archives. In that story, while I still highlighted the horror of the world they live in, I decided to make it more manageable for the characters and give them chances to still find ways to feel human, reflecting the fact that TOH is a more gentle and optimistic show (and I much prefer happy endings to sad ones). So, with The Web House, I decided that the Isles in this world are the Isles we would’ve gotten if Dana had been allowed to do her original vision… which is to say, all of the scary and horrific parts are kicked up to their extent. No sugarcoating here, the demon realm is explicitly referred to as Hell.

Now, to the characters!

Jon: He is, of course, in the role of Luz. Rather than being a naive ray of sunshine from Connecticut, he’s a prickly, anxious, and socially awkward kid from Bournemouth who gets in trouble for his constant refrain of correcting the teacher, having no interest in the assignments, and his habit of reading during class. This eventually leads to him nearly getting sent to a camp for “troubled kids…” until his habit for wandering off and getting distracted by things that are out of the ordinary leads him to stumble in through a portal to the Boiling Isles. Once there, Jon is absolutely blown away by the wonder and horror of the world, and he finally finds something that he’s truly passionate about—though, time and time again, he’s told that he can’t do magic because he’s a human, and he gets very defensive about it. It takes him a while for his walls to come down.

Gerry: He’s Eda—a snarky, anti-establishment, laid-back criminal with a lot of trauma and a habit of unintentionally adopting kids. Instead of an Owl Beast curse, he has a Spider Beast curse, and is referred to as the “Web Witch” by the denizens of the Isles. Gerry was actually pretty happy pre-curse, mainly because his mother died before she could do a lot of real harm… but after getting cursed, everything came crashing down, culminating in Gerry accidentally blinding his father and running away to hide in the woods. Since then, he has a hard time really letting people in, and the fact that he’s a wanted criminal doesn’t help. But that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t regularly take in strays. (Also, the curse turns his hair black, but it’s naturally red. You’ll see why in a sec.)

Annabelle: She is a slightly more mature version of King—a spiderlike demon child that Gerry found and took in at a young age. Knowing full well that she’s adorable, she takes advantage of the fact that people think she’s sweet and naive to get what she wants, which leads to a lot of shenanigans in the first-season arc. As the story goes on, and she finally takes the push to learn more about her past, she starts learning how to be responsible and to be more honest with herself and others, though she never loses her talent for deception. She’s a curious and devious little kid.

Helen: She’s a Hooty equivalent. Just a sassy door being who helps keep the Web House in tip-top shape.

Agnes: She’s Lilith—Gerry’s older sister and the head of the Emperor’s Coven. Of course, Agnes being Agnes, she’s a lot less tightly wound than Lilith at first and is genuinely sweet and caring, just deeply misguided. She truly believes that Gerry joining the EC is the best option for him, and she’s always been tormented with guilt over cursing him. After leaving the coven, Agnes tries her hardest to make up for lost time, both with Gerry, Eric, and their great-aunt Gertrude, even if she really has no idea how to interact with people outside of being the polite and perfect role model. It’s a learning curve.

Basira: She takes the place of Willow, though her character development is less about being insecure and slowly gaining confidence and more about being stoic and apathetic and learning to express her emotions and fight for what she believes in. Basira has natural talent in both Beastkeeping and Plants, and while she initially thinks that switching to the Plant track would be better for her, she eventually decides to take both classes once it’s approved. She’s painfully logic-minded and has a lot of internal doubts about the coven system, though until she meets Jon and hears his casual breakdown of how valuing certain types of magic over others just doesn’t make sense, she doesn’t yet have the courage to voice it. On her end, Basira turns out to be just the friend that Jon needs—someone who believes in him, but isn’t afraid to tell him when he’s being an ass.

Georgie: She’s in Gus’s position, though instead of being a prodigy at Illusion magic, she’s a prodigy at Abominations magic… and is more than a little terrifying as a result. Don’t get me wrong, she’s a wonderful person, but her keen interest in both humans and in subsects of magic that are more than a little macabre can be a little off-putting to some, which is why Basira’s her only real friend at first. After their initial meeting, which consists of Georgie excitedly asking Jon for a blood sample and him being incredibly spooked by her amazement at meeting an actual human, the two end up getting along like a house on fire, and are basically enablers in each other’s chaos. Georgie’s family doesn’t have a lot of money or social standing in the Isles, so she works twice as hard in order to prove herself and get better opportunities. This leads to burnout. Frequently.

Melanie: She’s… okay, so, she’s Matt in that she’s a fellow member of Georgie’s human appreciation club and a new student at Hexside, though she and Georgie don’t really have a rivalry beyond friendly ribbing. However, she’s also Viney, in that she’s a member of the Detention track who helps kickstart multi-track studies. She and Jon don’t get along immediately, mostly due to the fact that he unintentionally ratted her out for studying both Oracle and Construction magic the first time they met, but the two form a begrudging alliance during a basilisk attack and later become actual friends. Melanie’s a sucker for drama and conflict, and she carries that with her—whether she’s in the Human Appreciation Society, the Flyer Derby team, or just hanging out with Georgie and the rest of the gang. She’s fun.

Martin: He’s Amity, in that he’s a depressed rich kid who’s severely isolated due to parental expectations. Due to his incredible talent at Illusions, a lot of kids end up coming to him when they need to cheat, though they never actually become friends with him due to everyone seeing him as a quiet weirdo who never had to work for anything. When Jon comes along, Martin is distrustful of anybody claiming to want to be his friend, and he doesn’t help things by accidentally demeaning Jon’s interest in magic—which, in Jon’s eyes, cements him as a rival. After a string of miscommunication and failed interactions, the two eventually reach a middle ground and become friends… which later leads into Martin developing a gigantic crush on Jon. Which is later reciprocated. Aside from the romantic drama, Martin learns to both become more open and to stand up for himself, becoming the kind yet bitchy individual we all know and love.

Tim & Danny: They’re Edric and Emira—Martin’s class-clown yet charming older brothers who love teasing their little brother and getting into general mischief. Tim’s the oldest, and he’s usually the one who shows a lot of actual worry towards Martin, though he’s still a very flashy individual and tends to do a lot of crazy things just for the hell of it. Danny, on the other hand, has some identity issues that stem from being a middle child who doesn’t quite know who he is outside of his family, and he tends to throw himself into something if he thinks it’ll make him stand out. They’re both illusionists, like Martin, and while Tim and Danny are biological brothers, all of them are adopted. (Also, Tim eventually starts taking Bard and Beastkeeping classes, while Danny starts taking Potions.)

Daisy: If my decision to make Basira Willow hasn’t tipped you off, Daisy is Hunter—the Golden Guard of the Emperor’s Coven, praised as a teen prodigy yet possesses no magical talent of her own. She’s loyal to the emperor and genuinely believes in everything she’s been taught, and she is absolutely horrible at expressing any emotion other than smugness or anger, believing fear and sentiment to be weaknesses and being deathly afraid of being perceived as anything other than strong. Daisy is a very vulnerable person underneath her hard exterior, and she can be incredibly soft with people she cares about… though, of course, she’s not given much opportunity to connect with anyone outside of the castle, or inside, for that matter. In the canon of TMA, Daisy is a truly fascinating character to me, and I knew that the only character she could feasibly be is Hunter—hey, person who did bad things for a cause they believed was just and had that illusion stripped from them, meet other person who did bad things for a cause they believed was just and had that illusion stripped from them. And they both love wolves. So, yeah, she’s a very traumatized child soldier who makes the gradual evolution into a protective big sister friend and a disaster lesbian.

Sasha: I had to make her Vee. I had to. Even if you take away the whole fact that she was NotThemed and how similar that is to the basilisks, the fact that she was almost made the Archivist makes her perfect for that role. Her general story is pretty much the same as in canon—she’s a basilisk who was created in a lab for the purpose of studying magic draining and ran away to the human realm, falling in love with it almost as soon as she arrived. Once in the human realm, Sasha develops a love for computers and manages to make friends with the people she meets at the camp (I’m not sure who they are yet, though I’m leaning towards making them Sam and Colin—Alice already has a role), and when she and Jon actually have a chance to meet, they almost immediately bond as siblings after the distrust and animosity is thrown out the window. Also, Sasha’s existence helps Jon finally fully connect with his grandmother, so… bonus!

Oliver: He’s Raine. As much as I love Doorkeay, I have a different role in mind for Micheal, and Oliver’s dynamic with Gerry as two gorgeous witchy goth men connected with The End is something that I’d love to see more of. Anyways, um… so, Oliver and Gerry’s story is pretty similar to canon—they met when they were in high school, were best friends from that point on, and eventually started dating, though they broke up due to Gerry being tight-lipped about the curse and Oliver eventually making the decision to join the Bard coven. Oliver didn’t start being a rebel leader right away, though, since he initially believed that the best way to fix things was by changing it from the inside, but after years of that not working, he finally caved and started the BATs. He’s very practiced at pretending that he’s just an unassuming workaholic, and he often claims stage fright in order to continue operating under the radar. Oliver’s a smart dude.

Trevor: He’s… well, he takes the position of Eberwolf as the Beastkeeping coven head, but he also acts as Darius for a lot of the story beats—mostly because he takes the role as Daisy’s actually decent paternal figure. Trevor comes off as an old grump who doesn’t like people or fun, and he’s seen many a Golden Guard die in his time as a head of a coven… so, when he sees Daisy be rebellious for the first time in her life, his wolf dad instincts kick in. Not quite sure where Julia fits in yet, but she’ll fit in. Somewhere.

Jane: Terra. She has to be Terra. Gross plant woman who pretends to be sweet but is actually psychotic. She’d definitely suggest turning children into mulch as an apt punishment for failing a small challenge.

Nikola: Same deal, she’s Adrian. She can’t be anyone else.

Peter: He’s in the position of Odalia—an antisocial yet jovial businessman who reeks of old money. He also deals in security and weaponry, though he primarily uses oracle magic instead of Abominations, and he’s very interested in studying the effects illusion magic has on the mind. Of course, he can’t actually practice illusion magic, so he has to turn to other avenues for research… such as adopting three gifted illusionists. Needless to say, Peter is not a good parent by any measure,  and he kind of holds the fact that he adopted his sons over their heads so they don’t step out of line. Unfortunately, the kiddos don’t have an Alador equivalent (as far as I’ve decided), so the only person they can really go to outside of each other is Peter. Not a good environment, really. And it’s definitely complicated by the reason why their dad has all this standing and power, beyond just the family connections…

Elias/Jonah: So, he is in Belos’s place as the emperor who’s secretly a human witch hunter, but his motivations aren’t the same. Rather than planning on killing witches simply because he hates magic, his intention is to drain the magic from them and take it for himself—well, for humans, but mostly himself. Elias is also a lot more… shall we say, lax about interacting with other witches, which is why he has zero qualms with having an on-again, off-again relationship with Peter Lukas. And several other men throughout his time on the Isles. Yeah, Philip may be too deep in a Puritanical mindset to claw his way out of Narnia and admit that he’s not straight, but Jonah is a harlot and that’s a part of his character that stays constant. I’m not gonna go into his backstory, for spoiler reasons, but I will say that Gwendolyn is a Caleb equivalent, and Alice is her Evelyn. I’m riding on the Dyhard train and you can’t stop me.

Micheal (Distortion): And last but not least, I couldn’t make our boy Micheal anybody other than The Collector! I know that technically, he and Helen are kind of the same character, but she just doesn’t have the silly vibes that he does. All I can really say is that his story is… well, it matches up with in canon, except he’s more of a preteen than a kid. We know so little about Collie’s past outside of the events that led them to be trapped, and what we know about Micheal himself—pre-Distortion, of course—is equally as murky and unclear, so… yeah. He’s a funky neon star kid who originally manifests as a funky shadow kid.

And yeah, I think that’s it for now.

[sometipsygnostalgic]

Steven Universe/She Ra and how they accidentally turn groups of characters into one awful entity

I rewatched some early Steven Universe with @phosphoricbomb and I came to perhaps a more coherent description of what I hate about the show later on, and if you're a She-ra fan, I'm going to use an episode about that show as an example to make it clear.

I think, She-ra and SU are both really, REALLY good at character crafting. You care deeply for Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl, and Peridot and Lapis, when the show focuses on them individually, or on a single relationship they have which contrasts/complements them against each other.

Same for She-ra, not just its main characters which are a really fine batch, but also its side characters. When it invests time in Mermista, Perfuma, Scorpia, Entrapta, Frosta, Netossa and Spinerella, as INDIVIDUALS or as one-on-one relationships, you care about them.

But if you talk to anyone about "the princesses" in she-ra, they tend to hate them. Why is this?

There are many mentions of "the princesses" as an entity. At the start of the show it's Glimmer and Scorpia saying they get excluded by other princesses. However at no point in the show do you see an example of this occuring. There's Entrapta, where we do see this happening. Not in "No Princess Left Behind", where Entrapta herself INTERPRETS this as happening, but in "Launch". Which is an episode that has been critiqued by many for how the characters behaved. And I think it's "Launch" where people decide that "The Princesses" suck ass.

The reason for it is because they are fused into a single character. All individuality is sort of... eradicated, any different opinions tehy might've had on the situation individually is erased because the story needs them to have an antagonism against Entrapta, and tehy need to have Entrapta antagonise them, which means she needs to behave ridiculous and annoying so that they are "justified" for their response. So what I'm saying is that "Launch" is a disservice to Entrapta AND to "the Princesses" because while to an extent it adds character to Entrapta, it has to also write her and everyone else badly to get to the character moment in the first place. It didn't prove that her perception of a "me vs them" scenario was wrong, but the ending tried to say that she had proven herself to the "them", which shouldn't even exist because the princesses should all be individual characters, not this grouped together mass. I wish the show would've simply decided already if Entrapta was being discriminated and was justified for feeling left out, rather than the characters acting as a single entity berating her for her autistic quirks, and the show acting later in the same episode like it was over her building robots.

ANYWAY, that ONE EPISODE from She-ra as well as some weird comments from the first season COMPLETELY CHANGED how the fandom views an entire group of characters, regardless of how fun and well written they are as individuals.

Why does this relate to Steven Universe?

Because the ENTIRE SHOW KEEPS DOING THIS!!!

Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are all brilliant characters, but as soon as the show groups them into one entity, or god forbid, groups EVEN MORE CHARACTERS INTO THE SAME ENTITY, that is when it starts falling apart.

This isn't just in the late series either, this is in several episodes in the first few seasons!!! "Full Disclosure" and "Joy Ride" have "the Gems" act as Steven's overbearing guardians, disregarding how, say, Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst usually have different approaches. In those episodes they all have the same brain.

Steven Universe season 5 and Steven Universe Future are very much "Steven against the World". There are many episodes where, sure, Pearl or Garnet might fuck up and say the wrong thing, but you'd expect Amethyst, Lapis, Peridot, literally anyone who gets him on his level to try and make an individual attempt to connect with him. Spinel gets half an attempt? But every character - Every character, INCLUDING THE DIAMONDS - gets grouped into this category of "The Gems". It's exactly the same as She-ra's "The Princesses".

An early example of complete personality erasure is probably... Lapis and Peridot. The show tried to make them a duo but it didn't really work on their relationship, it just needed to wipe them out of the story so treated them as one character.

The Off-colours are probably the worst example from SU proper. How they all become Lars's backup.

I think it's unfortunately because every time SU really tried to make an ep about a character, it did a great job. Every time it WASN'T about why that character is an obstacle to Steven it did well, but unfortunately when the show focused more on him, it had to make everyone else... the same enemy. Regardless of how their character was written before.

Anyway that was my ted talk, i really love early SU and it was sad watching Jailbreak and On the Run again because those eps are so good at handling the Crystal Gems as individuals.

[glassbirdfeather]

The Purpose of Fandom and ACAB Also Means the FromSoft Lore Police

I have been thinking about fandom, fanon, and the like in both Elden Ring and the greater FromSoft game fandoms. Watching people react to the DLC trailer and its implications has helped solidify some thoughts of mine on what I consider to be one of the greatest flaws of FromSoft game fandoms.

As a disclaimer and in the interest of full disclosure, and to help drive home the point I’m trying to make: I have not watched the trailer. I will not watch the trailer. In part, I haven’t watched it because I don’t watch trailers for things I already know I am going to buy. In part, because I wanted to write this essay and not have it influenced by any of my own personal feelings of its contents.

The purpose of this essay is not to discuss whether or not I think the developers made the right story or lore decisions, or even if I personally like those choices. It is to talk about fandom and canon and how they interact. The trailer is just a backdrop to this reflection and its contents are irrelevant.

To some extent, the reactions some people are having are not unique. People have been and will be again disappointed by the stories that they like moving in directions they do not. But I have been baffled by the magnitude of demotivation and betrayal specifically in fans and fan creators whose interpretations of lore were contrary to what the trailer suggests is the Truth.

Fandom, from my own experience in any other fandom, is meant to be a way of reinterpreting and reimagining stories. There was never an arbitrary line drawn in the sand that dictated when someone strayed too far from canon. Sure, there were always discussions about what the truest, canon-compliant interpretation is from existing facts. There were always some occasional fandom police that would get mad that you shipped the ‘wrong’ characters or that a character was written too ‘OoC’. This isn’t unique to FromSoft games because these people are, unfortunately, everywhere.

Yet so many fanfics were written by authors whose stated reason for their creations is, “the author sucks and doesn’t deserve those characters so I’m taking them away!” The divergence of canon from what they wanted was a catalyst for creation, not a deterrent. I can barely recall seeing this sentiment in a FromSoft game fandom. There is so much pressure to follow canon that it’s stifling.

I’ve never seen people worry that they were going to get some part of the Lore wrong like in a FromSoft fandom.

I haven’t seen people in any other fandom act embarrassed or apologetic that some piece of fan work isn’t canon-compliant.

I’ve never seen people act like the future of their whole fanfiction was precariously balanced on whether or not the DLC might conflict with it.

So much of it feels like it’s imposed by an unfriendly fandom that demands canon compliance everywhere. There is a pervading sense that you shouldn’t step too far out of line or make too many wild interpretations because the Lore is king.

Lore discussions aren’t FromSoft specific. Before the release of an “official” timeline--which I will to this day argue was only made by someone at Nintendo wanting people to shut the hell up--Zelda fans would argue constantly about what the objectively true and proper order The Legend of Zelda took place in. Meanwhile, there were fans shipping every single version of Link with each other. These groups largely ignored each other, and I can’t imagine what it would look like for one of the timeline theorizers to try and tell one of the Linkcest shippers that their fan art isn’t canon-compliant.

I don’t really have a great conclusion. I hope putting words to this might help people realize that canon isn’t sacred. If someone makes something that is in conflict with established canon, it’s fine. You don’t have to correct them and the creator doesn’t have to be embarrassed about it. Uncovering the True Lore is not dependent on whether fan creators are properly following the Lore. This isn’t fucking Catholicism. I would hope that doesn’t need to be said, but maybe seeing it written down will make some people see they’re taking things too seriously. Now, while I don’t have some grand revelatory conclusion, I do know this:

Between the people that were fighting over the right timeline and the people mashing the various Links together like dolls, the Link-shippers looked like they were having a hell of a lot more fun.

[a-pokemon-retrospective]

Preseason/Midseason Expectations: S1

Pokemon is a deeply nostalgic IP for me. I got into fan games first, and then Pokemon the series: XY not long later. I’m not very familiar with the older seasons, but I already knew bits and pieces of the Indigo League before beginning due to both Pokemon’s overwhelming presence in pop culture, and having caught a very small handful of episodes on reruns as a child. It’ll be interesting to see how its reputation conflicts or aligns with the reality of the season.

Full disclosure, this post is being written over halfway into my watchthrough of the first season. I didn’t have the idea to make expectation posts or wrap-ups until about episode 20, so I’ll do my best to recreate what I felt beforehand.

It’s interesting--I knew more about Ash’s team going in than about Ash himself or any of his traveling companions. I could tell you that his Charizard didn’t like to listen to him, but didn’t know that Misty caught a Psyduck, or anything about her sisters. The characters existed, but only as what I saw other fans make them out to be. I hardly had much in the way of expectations going in, but I’ve been charmed and charmed again! Misty is by far my favorite character right now.

Another thing I expected was to see more fodder for pokeshipping (given how I’ve seen fans act about them), but as of episode ~35, I just don’t see it. I don’t hate the ship, mind you (I only dislike one ash companion ship and it’s not pokeshipping, but that’s a story for another time), but I’m not getting many shippy or romantic vibes for them, either. Of course, it’s still fairly early in their dynamic; there’s time for things to change. I’m open to the possibility!

Brock as a character has been very interesting for me. I knew about the flirtation before I started, but not about the rest of his character. “Dad friend who hits on older women” was the extent of my understanding, but he’s way more interesting than that. His loyalty and devotion, for one, are admirable character traits, and his relationships with his various family compel me. I’ll save the more detailed thoughts for their own posts. I have a lot to say about Brock, so stay tuned!

Indigo!Ash is a stark contrast to the XY!Ash of my memories, but not in any way that feels unnatural. Early Ash is bull-headed, cocky, and arrogant in a way that the experienced Ash echoes but no longer represents. Especially in the first few episodes, he really does feel like a kid convinced he’ll take on the world with ease. I heard other people describe Ash as dumb, so that’s what I braced myself for. Instead, he’s simply young and inexperienced. I’ve been enjoying his character a lot.

Overall, I was expecting a less polished product  with less depth than I got. I’m happy to be proven wrong!

[thebreakfastgenie]

Look, I have had a really bad week at work (narrator: it was Wednesday) and I have a splitting headache so possibly I am coming across as more inflammatory than I intended. However, it does not feel like you are reading my messages in good faith.

Obviously Trapper’s name was given to him by the writers; every aspect of his character was. That’s how fiction works, and I am well aware of that. The reason I find his name objectionable is that it’s emblematic of an era of the show that has aged the most poorly, with the lighthearted and/or misogynistic depiction and discussion of sexual assault (or, as you pointed out, other misogynistic themes) that other characters like Hawkeye aged out of to an extent but Trapper never got the opportunity to. These feelings are then compounded by the fact that I don’t find the character as written particularly compelling; perhaps if I did, I would more easily be able to overlook those things. This is not an insult to the character or to anyone who likes the character. It was intended purely as an explanation of why I do not, in answer to your comment about how you don’t understand why people don’t love Trapper. Nor was I trying to “lecture” you about the false rape allegations as a misogynistic trope. I was trying to establish that I agreed with you and show evidence in the text of how this is a valid reading but still one that I do not ascribe to.

Regarding your post about Colonel Potter; I believe that you posted that while I was typing my previous message so I did not see it until after I submitted the ask. I thought about sending a follow up to address that but thought it was unnecessary.

When you have time I would like to see your thoughts on the remainder of the ask I sent because this was never intended to be some kind of Trapper shitflinging fest: that was intended just as an offhand closer to my actual point which is how the show approaches the subject of cheating in different ways with different characters and how this makes those characters more or less sympathetic to audiences and some reasons I thought that might be. Specifically I’m interested in your views on what I raised in my second ask, the ones about cheating with only a physical component (casual sex), married characters falling for characters other than their spouse, and long-standing affairs with a stated intent to continue to carry on the affair in a romantic and sexual way (even if the character does not intend to actually follow through on maintaining the relationship).

Since you mentioned how Potter is the least sympathetic because his adultery took place outside of the context of war, I’m also interested in your views on Frank as a character who is implied to be a serial adulterer (having a lasting affair with another woman prior to the war also).

I'm sorry that you had a bad week but you don't need to take it out on me. You can make your own post, you know? I'm also a bit tense with anons these days since I've been called a c*nt and told to kill myself. Full disclosure I'm also drunk now.

I don't see how Trapper's name can possibly be "emblematic" of that era of the show, when that very era of the show chose not to use the origin story for it. There are parts of the show that have aged poorly, although not many. I simply don't agree that Hawkeye "aged out of it." The show did stop doing storylines like that, but the history of how the show handled women is complicated. We saw less of the nurses later on. Episodes like Inga and Hey Look Me Over were both about Hawkeye treating women poorly, though those were intentional so he learned his lesson. So is Who Knew to an extent. Margaret's fear of being raped if she's captured is treated seriously maybe once. And men get this treatment too; Hawkeye's joke about a stewardess forcing herself on him in Adam's Rib boils down to "men cannot be sexually assaulted."

I understand that you don't care for Trapper, but treating him as emblematic of what you don't like about the early seasons is not rational or objective. You forgive Hawkeye because you like him. That's okay, but I don't sympathize or take that seriously. I also don't think there's a question that the early seasons are better, both artistically and politically. So you won't get far with me saying you dislike them. There are a couple moments that make me cringe, but while I'm normally pretty sensitive to misogyny, I don't feel bothered by the early seasons much.

I do think your point about romantic vs purely physical affairs is interesting. I think which one is "worse" depends on what the partner who was cheated on thinks. But I do lean toward finding purely sexual affairs easier to forgive, especially in the context of MASH. I'm not going to tell someone who's been drafted and is seeing everything those guys are seeing that it's wrong to turn to sex for comfort, whether he's married or not. That's me. A romantic affair, where another relationship is being actively pursued, is a different thing. I think just having feelings is beyond your control (so BJ is in the clear with Aggie) but acting on them is something else.

Like I said, I appreciate the reasoning, but my comment about not loving Trapper was an aside because someone said they couldn't understand not loving Charles, but casually placed Trapper at the bottom. I get Trapper not being someone's fave, but I find the hate he gets just doesn't make sense to me! You can explain it, but I'm still not going to feel it. I don't think cheating is that important to his character.

Yes, we crossed; I wrote that post about Potter before I saw your ask. I wasn't thinking about Frank when I said Potter is the least sympathetic. But Potter cheated on the woman he loved. Frank doesn't love Louise, and if he had a spine he'd just get divorced. I find Frank and Margaret's affair fairly sympathetic, because I think they're in love, and for a while they're happier with each other than anyone else. Frank is never going to marry Margaret and deep down she knows it, but he'd be happier if he did. Their affair is hardly the worst thing either of them do, being Army supporters and Republicans. Their hypocrisy is worse than their adultery, judging Hawkeye and Trapper for sexual activity while doing the same thing. Frank having affairs before is scummy, but it's also consistent with his character and again, not the worst thing he did. He's just not a good person. He's a great character, which is why I rank him so highly. But I do find his pre-war affairs unsympathetic. Man up and get a divorce if you're so unhappy.

The war makes me very sympathetic, because sex is a comfort, a distraction, a way of feeling human under insane circumstances, when home doesn't even feel real and there is a very real chance you might die. If I were married to one of them, I'd have simply said the relationship was open until they got home, but even so I'd forgive them for whatever happened. I think the bigger issue is the double standard, like we see with Henry and Lorraine, but even then, being home alone for two years is hard but it's not the same as being in a war.

Edited to add it felt like you were lecturing me because from your phrasing I felt like you were telling me it was misogynistic like I didn't know and literally say so.

[bestworstcase]

I'm sold on some sort of detente with Salem being part of the godbros' reckoning, but wonder if this series' Tolkienish beats (gold macguffins, fellowship, Cinder & Salem's Sauron-Morgoth parallel, etc) are causing *tons* of fans to write the notion off as Saruman-style undermining of The Cause-especially with Raven & Leo's examples for Team Oz pundits to point at.

ok so full disclosure this:

plus being able to identify gandalf, orlando bloom, That One Dwarf, and gollum in stills from the peter jackson films, represents the sum total of what i know about LOTR. i remember, vaguely, reading a rwby meta post along the lines of “cinder is getting worse because tolkien themes” but i’m afraid i did not retain any of the actual argument because, as i recall, the analysis of cinder’s arc up to the point when the post was written did not strike me as terribly insightful or, like, accurate as to what was going on with her narratively.

all of which is to say, there very well might be a connection that is staggeringly obvious to actual,, LOTR fans. but 1. tolkien bores me to absolute tears so i’m working off the LOTR wiki pages which i have just skimmed and 2. my general impression is that large swaths of the rwby fandom do not know how to distinguish between “common genre conventions” and “deliberate, meaningful allusion to another story” and 3. two out of three things in that list are, um, stock fantasy tropes, and nothing in the wiki pages for morgoth or sauron seem… remotely like salem or cinder? so my inclination is to conclude this is another winter-is-jadis situation. gfbfjc sorry

honestly i think the degree of fandom-wide resistance to the possibility of salem (or cinder, to a lesser extent) undergoing a villain -> hero arc mostly comes down to the expectations of the genre. the looming implacable evil sorceress doesn’t… negotiate. the heroes don’t decide she maybe has a point about the gods who sent the chosen one to go to war with her. like this is not how the story is supposed to go—and of course rwby is playing with that deliberately in order to criticize the simplicity of the moral framework undergirding the genre, but i think a lot of fans saw the familiar surface and took for granted that salem (and cinder) would function in the narrative in an archetypical way.

[which, to be fair, i did too—lost fable completely blindsided me because i also kind of went, yeah okay evil manipulative ancient witch, sure, i know this song—but then to be less fair, i also paid attention to lost fable.]

and then on top of it there’s also, like, this is an… unusually vindictive and bloodthirsty fandom. i don’t think i’ve ever encountered a fandom with so many mainline, high-profile bloggers who participate in the humiliation fantasies about the main villain getting taken down a peg, ideally in the most emotionally sadistic way possible, on the grounds that she’s a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum.

it’s… weird, and the constant repetition of that reading by the otherwise mostly reasonable mainstream has really profoundly distorted the fandom’s ability to like… parse what’s happening on screen, to the point that things like salem using the normal, universally-agreed-upon term for a type of magic gets twisted into “proof” that salem doesn’t think modern humans are people. hfghvs like this fandom is SO determined to interpret everything salem does through the most batshit, extreme lens imaginable, for… some… reason. and with that being the normal background radiation for discussions about her, like, of course “salem villain -> hero arc imminent” sounds absurd. don’t you know she kicks puppies and eats the hearts of babies for breakfast??

[not-so-superheroine]

i strongly disagree. not with all of these things. transition looks like how you want it to. patients have a right to deny treatments. legally, without interference from a court, you have a right to do all of these things. that does not mean it is moral, ethical, or reasonable in many cases. this attitude is individualistic. harmfully so. we owe our community to take care of ourselves so we can take care of each other. the "you don't owe anyone anything" attitude is very white american and i hate it. the disability rights movement as a whole centered on white american values. i am from a collectivist culture. that is what is needed for community. sometimes people get hurt if other people don't take care of themselves. if you have kids and an active addiction you are not able to take care of them to the best of your ability. stinks but is true. when intoxicated/high etc, people make impaired decisions. like leaving the stovetop on and thinking they're okay to get behind the wheel because they've adjusted to it? I know detox is difficult and not something not every person can afford to do without things getting worse. it's not simple but it's still something that isn't just your body.

same goes for treating your psychiatric disorders. if i am psychotic i need more assistance. i should not expect other people to have to carry that just because i don't want to take my meds. it would be my family. my family where everyone works full time. lets say they were still taking care of their parents because for much of my life they did. even with the external community support, it would not have been possible.

if they both refused medical treatment for chronic conditions, they would get sick and eventually die. the community would absolutely fall apart if we all took this attitude.

i agree to an extent. but that's not what i see people mean on here tbh. things get taken to the extreme on tumblr. legally? it is your choice and should be (i have exceptions, full disclosure, but won't detail them). but ethically? we must consider how it affects others.

an abortion vastly only affects you. maybe some hurt expectations. but no one is ultimately harmed because a fetus isn't a person.

some of these things, taken as written, will harm others. we don't have the right to harm others.

some of yall need to understand that "my body, my choice" also applies to:

addicts in active addiction with no intention of quitting

phys disabled people who deny medical treatment

neurodivergent people who deny psychiatric treatment (yes, including schizophrenic people and people with personality disorders)

trans people who want or don't want to medically transition (yes, including trans masc lesbians with top surgery and trans women without bottom surgery, yall are so weird to them wtf)

and if you can't understand that, then you don't get to use the phrase

[rabbitechoes]

every month I'm gonna try to post reviews of three albums from years past!! this week i wrote about one of the most masterful fusions of soul and funk of all time: Hot Buttered Soul by Isaac Hayes!!! also feel free to follow me on rate your music and twitter <3

Hot Buttered Soul - Isaac Hayes

◇ release date: May 1969 ◇ genres: funk, deep soul, smooth soul

Years ago, I went to the record store with a friend of mine, and while flipping through that store’s soul section we stumbled across this album. Obviously, we giggled. The album art is a top-down shot of this dude’s big bald head and it was called Hot Buttered Soul, it seemed inherently goofy. The protective sleeve over it in the store noted that it was an “ORIGINAL 1969 PRESS,” and the store only made those kinds of distinctions for very “important” albums. Because of that, we were intrigued. My friend decided to take the leap and buy it, not having heard a single note of the music. The owner of the record store seemed so excited when he brought it up there, heaping loads of praise onto it. A few days pass and this friend texts me and says something to the extent of “Dude, you need to listen to this!” Not long after, I listened to it on streaming and then proceeded to track down a vinyl pressing for myself almost immediately after. 

Hot Buttered Soul is a masterpiece, plain and simple. It’s a deconstruction and a rebuilding of pop and soul music. He stretches these compositions to their absolute end. Exploring every twist and turn of these tunes, it’s entrancing. The only song Hayes has a writing credit on is the second track “Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic,” (wow, that’s fun to type) other than that this album is completely comprised of pop and soul hits from some of the most prolific songwriters of the decade. 

Isaac Hayes

The most iconic song here is Hayes’ version of Burt Bacharach and Hal David’s hit song “Walk On By.” A number-one hit for Dionne Warwick a few years prior, the version here is significantly different. What once was an easy-going lounge track is now an intense, sharp, overwhelming odyssey. Extending the song to a lengthy 12 minutes, leaving no stone unturned. Weighty string arrangements, fuzzy warm guitar courtesy of Funkadelic’s Harold Beane, the horns, and Hayes’ psychedelic organs, there’s just so much to this arrangement. Too much to mention in writing, it’s one of those songs that’s better experienced than read about. As a vocalist, Hayes fits perfectly. He’s captivating in his own way, but it never distracts from how captivating the entire arrangement is. You just get … doubly captivated. Absolutely blown away. Hearing this for the first time was so eye-opening and all these years later I’m still in awe of it. This song’s legacy could be written about to no end. It’s become a sample staple in the hip hop world. Sampled by countless artists, the likes of the Wu-Tang Clan, MF DOOM, 2Pac, and Beyoncé just to name a few. It’s one of the greatest songs of all time.

So with as colossal of an opener as that, does the rest of the album hold up? Yes, it absolutely does. “Hyperbolicsyllabicsesquedalymistic” (full disclosure, I copied and pasted it this time) cranks up the funkiness present in the previous song tenfold. The arrangement here is deep funk. Some have interpreted the lyrics to be about heroin addiction, which I can understand especially when the song refers to a doctor warning the narrator that the subject is a danger to his heart. However, the lyrics here almost feel like a means to an end. Hayes’ delivery is nonchalant like he’s just saying what best fits the groove of the song. Either reading of the song fits, it’s pretty brilliant.  It’s also a good reminder that this album’s sound is heavily indebted to not just the intricate orchestration, but from The Bar-Kays work as a backing band as well. These songs are just so masterful on every level.

The second side consists of two more songs. One being his version of “One Woman” written by Charles Chalmers and Sandra Rhodes. This is the most restrained song here, it’s not as sprawling or adventurous, it’s just a damn fine smooth soul cut. Interestingly enough, a month prior, Al Green would do a version of the song for his sophomore album Green Is Blues. With all due respect to Green, I prefer Hayes’ version by a considerable margin. The other song, and the album’s closer, is an epic 18-minute version of the Jimmy Webb penned “By the Time I Get to Phoenix,” which was a big hit for Glenn Campbell in 1967. Campbell’s version is great, but the direction Hayes takes the song is infinitely more captivating. The song opens with a low organ, almost drone-like, and subtle contributions from the rhythm section. Hayes opens the song with a spoken word introduction, literally setting up the song. He tells the listener to “travel with [him]” as he tells this roughly 9-minute story. It’s a total subversion of your expectations and I love it. You hang onto every word and that moment when Hayes finally sings “By the time I get to Phoenix, she’ll be rising” is one of the most satisfying payoffs in music history. He takes this song and makes it his own. Completely reconstructing the song for him and him alone.

Isaac Hayes

Hot Buttered Soul still sounds ambitious and enthralling to this day. It’s one of the most intricate albums, not just in the genre, but of the entire 1960s. It is a complete renovation of pop and soul music that hasn’t been replicated to this day. Perhaps the closest anyone has gotten to prog-soul. Everything on this album packs an undeniable punch. It’s been years since I first listened to this record, but it’s still just as powerful, maybe more so, after all this time. You owe it to yourself to experience Hot Buttered Soul.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ thanks for reading :3

[bookleigh]

just finished the seven husbands of evelyn hugo (audiobook) 4/5⭐️

note: i listened to this book on audible (free credit i had) so i did not buy this book/was not given for a review (full disclosure)

first book of 2023 and i absolutely loved it

review below the cut :))

i have always enjoyed the time skip/future and past style of writing because it gives me a chance to see characters grow and storylines to develop.

pros💕:

i loved the idea of evelyn picking monique to write her memoir (especially for the reasons at the end of the book)

i think this story is a great expressions of how identity, especially race and sexuality, can affect anyone (even famous starlets who have been married seven times lol)

i like the tie in between monique being biracial and evelyn being bisexual (how neither is one race/sexuality or the other, but a beautiful and complicated combination of both) and how evelyn had to come to terms that she was bisexual even though celia (and everyone else) assumed she was a lesbian because she couldn’t possibly like women and men during this time

cons💔:

while i loved the voice acting and the convenience of audiobooks (my first one ever but i listen to podcasts almost daily) i thought there were moments that lost me

the accents (specifically max’s french accent) threw me off and i almost laughed at how disingenuous the voice actor sounded. like even if i suspended my disbelief and tried to believe this french accent was real, it was still difficult to take any scenes with max seriously due to how goofy he sounded talking to evelyn

i loved the story and themes of not needing to be confined to one identity when we are complicated individuals but i think a little more focus on evelyn’s cuban background might have been nice. i feel like she only brought it up when it was convenient for her (i.e. speaking to with her maid/the people in spain)

i understand the periods her story was set in were not welcoming to hispanics and especially cubans (and i liked that it was historically accurate to that extent) but i think maybe after she retired she could have changed her name back to evelyn herrera/returned to her natural hair color/etc would have shown that she overcame her own racial insecurities and was finally being her true self. even in the notice of her death, they didn’t do the thing where they address someone by “[stage name] born [birth name] has passed” it just seemed like it might have wrapped the book up better

overall, i think the book tackled social issues of race and sexuality very well (especially given it was written on 2016/2017 and set during that time plus the 1950s on). monique’s struggle with being biracial being a parallel to evelyn’s struggle of being bisexual was a very good way to express how complicated beings we are and what you see is not always what you get

i think showing how someone can fall in and out of love, marry for the wrong reasons, or marry to be with someone else but in a safe way teaches a lesson to the reader that we may not always get it right the first time (or 2nd/3rd/4th/etc lol) but that some day, some how, some way, we will be on the right path. people come in and out of our lives, both because of our own actions and their own actions. but we are with ourselves for our entire lives. if we are not living our truths, being our completely honest and genuine selves, then we will always be living with someone we cannot trust.

[uncommon-etc]

A quick guide to things you can actually credit Taika Waititi for

I keep seeing posts making fun of the tendency to give more credit than was due for TV shows like OFMD, WWDITS, and Flight of the Conchords to Taika Waititi. So for those who keep making them: can you not? It’s not cute, it’s not funny, and half the time it’s just plain mean. But the other reason it annoys me, as a media theory nerd and film buff, is that you could all be putting your energy into distinguishing and celebrating all of the things that this certifiable genius has given the world

There are plenty of Taika Waititi films that I grew up loving, because they struck the perfect balance between ‘If Ken Loach was a kiwi’ and ‘If Wes Anderson was funny’ but they rarely seem to get much of a look in. So here is your ultimate cheat-sheet, one-stop-shop, complete with unsolicited reviews of every film Taika has actually written and/or directed starting with...

Two Cars, One Night (2003)

I will never stop going on about this film, to the extent they’ll probably have to put me in the ground with the words ‘It’s only 11 minutes long, so you’ve got no excuse’ just about formed on my recently deceased lips. It was nominated for Best Short Film at the 2005 Oscars and is widely credited with establishing its director as one of the most exciting creative prospects that a small, sparsely populated island without much of a presence in world cinema had to offer.

The brilliance of Two Cars, One Night is that it cloaks itself completely in the visuals of New Zealand’s grim social-realist tradition, but manages to interject warmth, humor, and hopefulness, in the unlikeliest of places. The two main characters meet in the parking lot of a hotel bar, where their parents are off getting drunk. Their accents and use of local slang mean some viewers may need to turn on subtitles to know exactly what’s being discussed.

But the sweet optimism of the child’s-eye-view, and the unwillingness of the writer to cast them as victims of circumstance would go on to become a staple in the majority of Taika’s more commercial film catalogue. Also it’s on YouTube, so you really have got no excuse 

Rating: 11/10

Taika Waititi plays: No one, this is probably the only Taika Waititi film which doesn’t feature at least one cameo by Taika Waititi, otherwise it’s perfection

Taika has actually written and directed six other short films (three of which were basically Marvel promos) but I’m including this one with the full-length features because it’s just so damn good.

onto another hidden gem...

Eagle Vs. Shark (2007)

I first watched this film as a preteen after my sister and her friends rented it for a sleepover. Full disclosure: None of them liked it. I think they assumed they were meant to be watching a quirky rom-com, but to apply that label would be doing the film a gross injustice.

Co-written with Loren Taylor (then Loren Horsley, who plays Lily) Eagle vs. Shark is a black comedy about dysfunctional families, coping with grief, and the reality of being straight up awkward in relationships.

Jarrod (played beautifully by Jemaine Clement) and Lily get together after he invites her to a ‘dress as your favourite animal’ costume party, but he then announces rather dramatically that he’s returning to his hometown to fight the guy that bullied him in high-school.

Lily is something of a social outcast herself (she’s treated as odd for the fact she’s lived with her brother Damon since their parents’ deaths, and is generally an introvert) and develops a huge crush on Jarrod even though he’s kind of a dick to her. She and Damon agree to drive Jarrod back to his hometown where they meet his father, siblings, and the nine-year-old daughter from a one-night-stand that he’s kind of indifferent to. 

Legend has it that Taika Waititi wrote the script for Eagle Vs. Shark in under a week and ngl, it shows, but visually, emotionally, and thematically, it’s still a beautiful and very overlooked film. On the whole Americans don’t tend to ‘get’ the style and whimsy, and some people find the random bits of claymation distracting, but they were all winning touches for me.

Rating: 8/10

Taika Waititi plays: Jarrod’s late brother Gordon, who appears posthumously in family photos and home-videos, Jarrod’s father tells everyone he died saving a child from a fire. (Spoiler warning: It isn’t true)

Which was followed three years later by an understated masterpiece...

Boy (2010)

Now that you’ve watched Two Cars, One Night, and you’re thinking ‘wow, I loved that, but I wish it was longer, and in colour’ I’ve got great news for you!

It’s not an exaggeration to say that Boy is probably one of the greatest films ever made on location in New Zealand (yes, LOTR stans, come at me as much as you want, you can’t change my mind) it captures the perfect Waititi blend of being side-splittingly funny and gut-punchingly tragic. It’s got the constant thematic references to 80s pop culture that Stranger Things fans, who never lived through the 80s, go nuts over. The protagonist has a little brother who’s convinced he’s got super-powers and the narrative occasionally reinforces his belief by making things happen to confirm it.

In some ways its heavily autobiographical, but I think a lot of viewers tend to overstate how autobiographical, so just to set the record straight: though Taika spent his summers with his grandmother and cousins in Waihau Bay, he was an only child, and his Russian-Jewish mother bears no resemblance to the fictional dead Maori mother-character of the film. He’s always maintained it was the small details (like Alamein Snr. starting his car with a spoon in the ignition) that were based on direct recollections from his actual childhood. And as far as we know his father never buried a giant stash of money in a field which was later eaten by a goat.

Also, Taika’s commitment to shaming deadbeat dads everywhere is pretty impressive here. Most screenwriters, when faced with characters that bear some resemblance to their loved ones, tend to go easy, portray them through rose-tinted sunglasses, and accept the premise that all parents and parent-figures are just doing the best they can. Not this time. Taika takes an already flawed parent-figure and makes him worse, deconstructing the fantasy of the absentee hero dad and replacing it piece-by-piece until the viewer’s like ‘dayum.’

Rating: 20/10 essential viewing for any lover of independent cinema

Taika Waititi plays: Alamein, who manages to make Darth Vader look like father of the year. OFMD stans will appreciate the portrayal though, as there is definitely some crossover with Taika’s portrayal of Blackbeard.

What we do in the Shadows (2014)

This one actually does tend to get a lot of traffic on tumblr (though less so than the TV series which followed) so there’s not much more I can say about it except: this right here, is how you do a mockumentary. I was in my first year at university when WWDITS was released, and given that most of my new friends were really into old-school horror, it gave me a great gateway to force them into endless re-watches of Flight of the Conchords instead *evil laugh*. It was co-written and directed by Jemaine Clement, and is a good example of why the two of them are easily the funniest comedy-writing duo since... well, I can’t actually think of any funny kiwis from previous decades, so there you go. 

The basic premise, though it’s been well-publicized by now, is that a group of vampires from different centuries live in a shared house in a suburb of Wellington, and the film chronicles their lives together. But on top of the sheer hilarity of the hijinks that ensue, is the overarching theme that, as both creators have pointed out, these guys have eternal life, they can literally do anything they want, and what they often want is just to waste time on earth like the rest of us. And yes, Jackie walked, so Guillermo could run.

Rating: 10/10

Taika Waititi plays: Viago, though the 379-year-old Victorian dandy is beloved of fan-artists everywhere, so I’m sure you already knew that.     

Hunt for the Wilderpeople (2016)

This one is probably the most political Taika Waititi film. All of the elements of his previous work, in giving child-characters the primary perspective on the unfolding events, and establishing the protection of their innocence and ambitions as a narrative triumph, are still present, but the plot makes a lot of major and minor digs at the foster care system. Taika began working on the script in 2005, but despite the complexities of the locations, it was all shot over five weeks on a single camera, which is an achievement in itself. 

I don’t want to give too much away without spoiling the plot (which is pretty fast-paced and more reminiscent of an action-thriller than a charming social-realist comedy-drama) but the absolute glue that holds this film together is the dynamic between juvenile delinquent Ricky Baker and his grouchy hermit foster-dad Hector. Adapted from a novel by Barry Crump, its runaways framed-as-fake-abduction story-line can feel a little close to home to anyone who’s worked in children’s social services, but underneath the film has a lot of heart, and some excellent 90s hip-hop references.

Also Rhys Darby has a long cameo as a hermit called Psycho Sam, so jot that down.

Rating: 9/10

Taika Waititi plays: an unnamed fundamentalist minister, idk, he’s only in one scene, but it’s pretty funny. 

Thor: Ragnarok (2017)

First things first, you can gripe on about Marvel here all you like, but I am an unapologetic fan of this film, and all that led up to it. I love Thor. I’ve loved Norse mythology ever since I was a kid, so a Thor film directed by Taika Waititi? Yes please. Especially since Ragnarok draws on some of the older comic story-lines from the 70s and 80s.

Visually, its incredibly different for any Marvel film before or since, though it borrows a little from the unashamedly retro sci-fi of Guardians of the Galaxy. It was also Taika’s first big-budget project, though not the first time he’d made a cameo in a super hero film, or referenced them in previous work. Crucially, there’s no romantic sub-plot in Thor: Ragnarok, which was extremely refreshing, with focus instead being on the much-loved sibling relationship between Thor and Loki. Taika was handed a great cast, strong visuals, and the keys to an endless string of mega-budget sequels and prequels, but boy did he deliver.

When you google ‘Thor: Ragnarok’ one of the first auto-suggestions which comes up is ‘Why is Thor: Ragnarok so good?’ I’d like to think it has something to do with casting aside establishment wisdom about what makes a superhero movie and using your well-honed gift for crafting compelling story-lines, hilarious dialog and characters people actually want to root for, to create something altogether different. And someone finally made Thor the himbo he was always destined to be, which helps.

Rating: 10/10  

Taika Waititi plays: Korg, though plenty of people, including my partner, didn’t recognise him at the time, due to him being a giant boulder-man with a slightly higher-pitched version of his usual accent

Jojo Rabbit (2018)

Spoiler alert: a few minutes into this film, an animal dies. While watching it for the second time in the presence of my family, I had to stop myself saying something. My sister, never having seen it, reassured everyone that said animal would not, in fact, die because Jojo Rabbit was ‘not that kind of film’.

So, I hate to burst your bubble if you find yourself in the same position, but this is Taika Waititi we’re talking about (whose animal body-count as a writer is creeping towards Wes Anderson levels of ‘does the dog die?’) it’s also the sort of film where nothing is off the table in the pursuit of the funniest form of black-comedy. Working from a screenplay he first adapted in 2011, Taika reclaims the long, proud, though not entirely successful, tradition of satirizing Nazis in order to take the wind out of their sails. In doing so, he creates the perfect war-film for a generation unfamiliar with the horrors of war.

Thematically it’s very similar to Boy, though the parallels tend to get lost in the sheer beauty and visual spectacle of its colourful 1940s setting. If I was ever to teach a film-studies class on masterful use of the child-as-unreliable-narrator, these are the two I’d pick.

Jojo Rabbit won the oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay, and narrowly lost out on Best Picture to Parasite, so if you’re looking for an accessible, commercial though not entirely comforting route into the Waititi film canon, it’s the logical choice. Stephen Merchant is hilarious in it too.

Rating: 20/10 this isn’t even a critique, I have no criticism to give

Taika Waititi plays: Hitler. Or rather, a childish, imaginary-friend version of Hitler who provides insight to the protagonist. Which puts him up there with Gillian Anderson on the unsettling list of ‘Evil historical figures played by actors you definitely wouldn’t kick out of bed’.   

If you want a more digestible version of this post, there’s a great little seven-minute video on IMDB which goes into the key narrative and visual themes in every Taika Waititi film

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390579/

But I also wanted to offer some clarity where television was concerned:

Taika did not, as has been claimed, write any episodes of either WWDITS the series, or OFMD (he directed and produced three, and one episode respectively) though he did write and direct four episodes of Flight of the Conchords (the best four, imho) and those included the music-videos for ‘Mother’uckas’ and ‘Leggy Blonde’ (another very fine performance by Rhys Darby). He also directed five episodes of The Inbetweeners, an episode of The Mandalorian, and six episodes of the Kiwi observational comedy Super City.

One thing he’s generally un-credited for is writing the initial screenplay for Moana, though it was heavily adapted from that draft, and being the co-creator of the mockumentary series Wellington Paranormal.

Anyway, happy watching, I personally cannot wait for Thor: Love and Thunder, or Next Goal Wins.     

[kiefbowl]

eh fine I'll talk about it.

Suvudu was a website/blog from Random House that generate additional content for "genre fans" - fantasy, sci-fi, comic books...etc.

In 2010 Suvudu did a humorous "cage match" series pitting characters against each other in a who-would-win fight, with users voting. They also explicitly asked writers of these character to write in with their thoughts, to generate more content for this (and, as far as I'm aware, this is for an adult audience). Here is Suvudu's "match" against Jaime Lannister and Hermione Granger, in which Suvudu jokes about their stats (not GRRM), predicts Hermione would win (with users agreeing), and then also GRRM's response (which was requested to add more fun and content), which is obviously going to be evocative of ASOIAF's violence and politicking, etc. You can click the "click here" to read it in full. He also wrote like 3 or 4 other Jaime Lannister match up responses including Jaime Lannister vs. Cthulu.

Additionally, GRRM doesn't really have beef with JK Rowling, sorry to tell you. In 2001 (literally 9 years earlier than the cage match), Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire won a Hugo award, the same year that ASOIAF: Storm of Swords was also up for the same award. The Hugo is considered a very prestigious award among fantasy/sci-fi writers, but JK Rowling didn't even show up to receive it. The rumor mill is she a) never really cared about it and b) is a bit prickly about HP being considered "fantasy" (which is an L for her tbh let's be real). It was also rumored that GRRM was, like, slightly annoyed she didn't even show up.

The "Eat your heart out, Rowling" comment is from a "published" letter written for the approval of a fansite from 2005. Here you go. It's just goofy fan service shit lol. If you were alive in this era, you'll remember the fan-hosted fan sites were everywhere and creators gave their fans a bone every once in awhile by writing a letter, or showing up for a Q&A etc. The internet was far more home-spun than you can imagine if you first got on the internet even 10 years ago. 2005 by the way is the year Half-Blood Prince and A Feast for Crows was published. So, we're talking about the height of Harry Potter mania, as in "eat your heart out" comment is probably more alluding to the zeitgeist than the Hugo (but clearly alluding to both). I'm sure 20-something fan bros thought it was a mad dunk for their spit and duct-tape website but GRRM probably didn't think much of it. Or maybe he's a little salty in 2005, but he certainly wasn't raving about it.

Otherwise, here's the only other thing he has said about JK Rowling:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire brushed away the Hugo Award in which your Storm of Swords was also a nominee. What do you thing about J.K. Rowling and her saga? "I wish I have beaten her, what can I say! I would have liked to win that award and I don't think Rowling cares much about it. And she didn't send anyone to accept the award, which is certainly annoying. But she has done a great stuff for fantasy and many of my readers are people who started with Harry Potter; they've grown up and she got them to reading, she got them to fantasy. J.K. Rowling has grown up an entirely generation of children into the field and for that I applaud her."

That was in 2012, you can read that interview here. For context, HBO's Game of Thrones premiered Spring of 2011, so he is suddenly a house-hold name. He was not really before then, not to the extent he is now.

Now, am I writing this all up to go ham for GRRM? Nah. I think generally speaking, facts are just important. I mean, full disclosure, and I've never been secretive about this, I'm a big fan of ASOIAF. Of course, if you say you're a fan of something, people think you're an obsessive weirdo who can't hear a critical thought about anything you love; not me, though. I love telling you what's shitty about ASOIAF. I love being critical. And I hate HBO's Game of Thrones, that shit sucked!!!

But I'm also writing this because we are currently in a moment of time where people are being straight up liars about JKR, calling her a nazi, misconstruing the most innocuous shit she's ever said to basically, long game, deplatform feminism as a whole. And they are sloppy, stupid, juvenile, and bizarre about it, but more annoying it's working. They're going to take what ever "evidence" they can find to "prove" that actually, retroactively, everyone and all their favs and all the smart people were always right about Harry Potter all along and cool people always rabidly hated Harry Potter and JK Rowling to prove a bigger point that is just hilariously, demonstrably false about her and her books. And some of you, who have clearly read nothing GRRM ever wrote (fair) and also hate HBO's shows (also fair)...just believe it with no sources or fact checking?

tl:dr GRRM does not have a decades long hatred of JKR and HP, and the people who want you to believe he does have obvious ulterior motives that includes not giving a shit about being accurate or factual.

girl you're gonna call us gullible but not even tell us what we're wrong about?

vague blogging sustains me :)

[pepsi-maxwell]

Your MJF/ROH!Punk fic was so good I finally got the courage to start writing 😭 Do you have any tips for beginners?

djkaldskla oh my goodness!!! i'm super honoured that my writing it had that effect and i'd be super keen to see what you end up coming up with 👀

full disclosure, before like february this year i hadn't written creatively in like fifteen years and haven't taken english language/literature courses in about as long, but as far as tips go, i can talk a bit about my own writing process and how i've worked on it

(and if any author mutuals have better tips feel free to reblog this because i still feel like i'm winging it fdjsk)

under a cut for length:

for me, one of the biggest helps has been reading a lot in general; a variety of different writing styles by different authors (fanfic, original fic and published), getting a feel for an author's voice, not to mimic it but i guess to better develop my own

the next one is honestly get the document up and start writing; develop the voice you write in, and your own writing style! figure out the parts that you enjoy writing the most; it could be action, it could be descriptive scenes, it could be dialogue, it could be smut, and go with it!

for me, because i like writing dialogue and inhabiting a character's head, i end up watching a lot of old promos to get a feel for a character's voice (and i am very thankful that i write wrestling fic and a lot of those are on youtube), just... consume as much media as i can to get a better idea of "how would they react in this situation" and "how would they word this thing they want to say"

and then bend those rules because they're characters and the fun part is you get to put your own spin on them (to an extent 😹 )

i'm also incredibly ruthless with my work; i continuously edit as i go, re-read sections over and over to see if they fit in the big picture, and i'm not afraid to cut whole scenes (and put them in a separate document for later) if i feel like they don't fit. it's...exhausting, ngl, but i also don't have a beta reader or an editor, so if you're able to get someone to do that (which can also help with getting the feel of a character right too) i imagine it makes it a lot easier!

and most of all: it should be fun!!!! and i hope i've not made it sound like it isn't; i fucking love writing fic, it's done wonders for my mental health :) (and sometimes it feels bad and that's totally okay, just take a break and come back to it when you're ready!)

hope this helps!

[agent-cupcake]

Hey AC! I love your blog and was wondering if I could get your opinion on something. I've seen some people complaining that Ingrid and Hilda are treated by the fandom, with Ingrid stans saying that Hilda is also racist towards Almyrans (which, granted, she is) but doesn't get nearly as much hate about it as Ingrid does. But personally I feel like their attitudes and the way they react towards Dedue/Cyril are wildly different and Hilda generally seems less hateful/irrational about it. Thoughts?

This is... kind of a touchy topic... I like it though! It’s worth discussing, especially since I feel like it’s broke criticism to simply deflect blame onto a character in order to prop up another.  Full and obvious disclosure: I very much dislike Ingrid and very much love Hilda. That said, I don’t think it’s fair to compare them for the sake of which is worse. I fall into the trap of character criticism through comparison far too often and it's not really valid unless you can fully explore each character in their own right beforehand. Which is why, while writing this, I came to the conclusion that the ways these two characters are interpreted and the reason people view their racist tendencies differently has far more to do with the characters themselves than their actual beliefs.

From first impressions to subsequent playthroughs, this is pretty much how I feel about Ingrid: she brings up her hatred of the Duscur people and Dedue unprompted and uncontested several times at the very beginning of the game, putting it front and center to her character. This is important, it sets a foundational component for how I could come to view her. According to her introduction, she is honorable and respectful, a model lady knight trope. But, as mentioned, she's really racist. Literally standing around thinking about how awful it is that Dimitri would trust a man of Duscur because they are all bad people. Yikes. And nobody calls her on it. Again, this is very important for perception. People judge Sylvain for his bad behavior in a much more harsh way than they do Ingrid for her vitriolic loathing for another classmate who we have seen as nothing but respectful. It's weird. And then, despite the fact that her close friend Sylvain was able to reason out that it’s not possible for the Duscur people to be at fault for the Tragedy, despite the fact that the prince of the country she supposedly hopes to serve with unwavering respect and loyalty has made it clear that he does not believe that Dedue or Duscar are responsible for the Tragedy, and despite the fact that Dimitri, her close friend and the one most affected by the Tragedy (seriously, she lost a guy she might have married and he lost his best friend, mother, and watched his father be killed in front of his eyes) continuously insists that neither Dedue nor Duscur are at fault, she loudly and openly believes that the ensuing massacre of Duscur was deserved and Dedue is inherently culpable simply because of his race. Her motivations for this hatred feel even more cheap considering her dogged hero worship for Glenn was born out of the fact that she was promised to him, making the fact that she’d use his death as reason enough for the destruction of countless innocent lives even more unsympathetic in my eyes. I mean, seriously, she was around 13 and he was older than her, how close could they have truly been? Dimitri says they were in love, but she was a child. Abandoning my modern sensibilities about age of consent or whatever, kids at that age don't have the emotional or mental capability. Maybe this is just nitpicking, but I have a very hard time caring about that relationship. But, if her actual justification is because of what happened to Faerghus as a result of the Tragedy and feels duty-bound as a knight to find justice through the systematic destruction of the Duscur people, then it just circles back to confusion considering the future leader of said country doesn't hold Duscur or Dedue responsible. The importance of perception comes in because despite these paper thin excuses and her seemingly willfully ignorant hatred, she is never challenged on her racist beliefs. The reason she seems to change her mind about Dedue and consider that maybe excusing a genocide is wrong stems from guilt that Dedue continuously comes to her aid in battle at the potential cost of his own life. I can understand, to a certain extent, why she might feel the way she does. But, again, I have such a hard time with any justification when nobody that she's close to is even nearly as hateful as her, there is plenty of evidence (evidence that the people close to her have found!) to provide a very reasonable counterclaim to Duscur's guilt, and that none of that even matters when it would require her to openly contradict the prince of her country to make the claim that Dedue was in any way complicit in the Tragedy. Which would be fine if she wasn't established as the model Lady Knight archetype, which also brings us into Ingrid's moral high horse. Admittedly, I hate the Lady Knight trope. I have a significant bias against these types of characters. However, I really do think that this moral crusade is where she lost me completely. Without even a shred of empathy or self awareness, she lectures Sylvain about his shitty behavior even though their circumstances are at least somewhat similar and he has his reasons (bad ones, maybe, but ones worth understanding if she actually cares about him), she lectures Felix about not being interested in knightly endeavors (an aspect of his character that is born of the trauma she has appropriated), and she lectures Claude about behavior that is befitting of a man in his position. Not because she cares about the girls Sylvain is hurting, not because she thinks there are any grave stakes from Felix choosing to do his own thing, and not because she knows that Claude's behavior affects his ability to lead, but because she doesn't like these behaviors and thinks they should be fixed. Yet, at the same time, she believes Dedue deserved to lose his family, country, and culture based on his birth and nobody ever does anything to morally correct her, it is something she eventually is forced to acknowledge on her own. It's frustrating, infuriating even, that the game lets her get away with being so grossly hypocritical. And, all the while, she is being painted as sympathetic. Again, I have a hard time feeling sympathy for her about Glenn, and I certainty don't feel sympathetic towards her issues about marriage because there's never any actual tension there. Of course she won't be forced to marry, she's a Lady Knight. Beyond being unsympathetic, I also find her massively unlikable. Awful design, poor voice direction, food-loving-as-a-personality-trait, the fact that she's written as one of those stock "feminist" characters who hate makeup and girly things until it benefits them, and constantly butting in on other characters to give her opinion without taking any criticism herself are all aspects that I just personally dislike. Ultimately, Ingrid being racist is only a symptom of the many reasons her character is one of my least favorites. Most of these points can be countered by someone who doesn't take issue with the things that annoy me and to point out that Ingrid DOES get over her racist beliefs. It's not fair to say that she doesn't change but, for me, the damage was already done by the time she became tolerable so I still have a hard time appreciating her. My assumption would be that there are a lot of other people who feel similarly to me regarding their dislike of Ingrid so they focus on one easy character flaw, her being racist at the beginning of the game, as a reason to validate their dislike of her overall.

On the other hand, Hilda's racism isn't a main trait of her character. It's related to her overarching character flaws, but she doesn't bring it up unprompted and can actually be pretty much missed without the Cyrill supports. Like you said, Hilda does seem less hateful and irrational, it doesn't take willful malice and an active rejection of reason for Hilda to dislike the Almyrans, they pose a genuine and provable threat to her family and territory, seemingly senselessly testing the borders and throwing away lives for the sake of conquest. To be clear, her "you're not like those OTHER Almyrans" schtick is legitimately nasty. Her behavior is gross and condescending and it really underscores the fact that Hilda is ignorant, lazy, inconsiderate, and incredibly comfortable in her privilege. She accepts what she's been told at face value because she's too lazy to look into it further. Cyrill does tell her she's stupid to think that way, though. Which is satisfying because Hilda in those supports is insufferable, it really highlights the worst aspects of her character, dismissive, manipulative, and very selfish. However, for me, she's also very likeable. I'm not interested in going over my opinions on her like I did with Ingrid as I don’t feel it’s as important to my point but a few reasons I really like her is because I think Hilda has a fantastic design, cute supports, amazing voice work, and is secretly sweet in a way that absolutely tickles my fancy. I am sure many people do not agree with me, which is fine. Additionally, just as Ingrid grows out of her racist beliefs, so does Hilda. They both end the game as more tolerant and caring people. Still, for the same reason a person could argue that Ingrid is actually great and I'm being unfair, they could argue that Hilda is terrible and I'm too biased. That's fair and true..... but I think the fact that Hilda is more generally appealing in conjunction with the less obvious nature of her racist attitude makes people less likely to dismiss her as a racist in the same way they do Ingrid. Unless they dislike Hilda, in which case, it’s all fair game.

Anyyyways, a main takeaway from this is that I highly doubt people are truly arguing on the individual basis of who's more racist, but that they're engaging in the age old waifu war. As with many characters in this game, it's easier to argue moral superiority when you can't quite articulate what you like or don't like about a character. Or, even worse, when you're arguing opinion. Even now, as is clear by reading this, I am arguing my opinion of why I don't like Ingrid. Not because she's racist, but because of the character traits and writing choices that make her unlikable to me. I like Hilda because, flaws and all, I find her to be compelling and enjoyable. From the people that I know, at least, that is basically how the Ingrid stans v Hilda racism argument is structured, even if they dress it up in different language.

By the by Hilda never talks about how the Almyrans deserve to be wiped out. I think that probably sours a lot of people's opinions of Ingrid no matter what happened afterward but that’s fine we can just pretend that didn’t happen