#full believer that they always say incredibly stupid random shit to one another out of nowhere

[salad-storm]

iwaoi moment

[namfinessed]

a lil bad - m.yg.

genre: fluff, angst (11.3k) e2l

summary: you hate min yoongi the most so how the fuck do you end up in his tattoo shop? (fools!universe)

masterlist         series masterlist

you don’t know how it happens in every single party, but you always end up next to yoongi, grumbling and complaining but still with him beside you and even after several incidents of pouring drinks on each other and pretending it was a mistake, or just plain insulting each other right to your faces, or ruining dates for the other by fake flirting, you always end up next to him.

you never really understood your hatred for min yoongi, but it’s always been there, whenever you see him, you always either leave the room to not be around him at all or you start bickering with him until the day ends, it’s usually always the latter, he knows just how to rile you up, he knows just what to say to piss you right off, and you always give in to his stupid arguments.

and apparently, even right now, with all your friends dancing and enjoying themselves, you stand in the corner while idly mixing your drink slowly, and it takes everything in you to not roll your eyes when yoongi catches your eye across the room and starts his making his way over to you.

“what are you doing here, doll?” he asks, hands in pockets, his ever-present smirk settled nicely on his face, the nickname that falls from his mouth makes you roll your eyes, he’s been calling you that forever, no matter how many times you’ve complained and hit him for it.

you notice his tattoos peeking from the collar of his leather jacket which mirrors the one on your body. it is hard to not do a full head to toe scan when yoongi manages to look this good even as he’s half drunk.

you hate him but you’re not blind, you know that he is attractive and he knows it too, he knows it all too well.

“none of your goddamn business, min yoongi, get back to your friends.” your bitter reply is no surprise to him and that becomes evident with how he laughs at you and pulls himself up on the table you were resting on, looking down at you with pure amusement dancing in his eyes.

“they’re shit drunk, and i don’t want to deal with anyone vomiting all over me” he shrugs as he takes another swig and you turn to look at his friends who were falling over each other and laughing for no reason at all.

somewhere in you, you know that he’s lying, he wouldn’t mind if his friends vomit over him, he wouldn’t care even when he’s going to be the one who will drive them home after this and make sure that they’re safe but yoongi doesn’t need to know that you know about him.

“such a good friend” you dryly muse and walk away from him, only for him to jump off the table and follow you, you stop in your steps and he does too, making you grit your teeth and look at him with an evident glare in your eyes.

“what do you think you’re doing?”

“none of your goddamn business, doll.”

yeah, you hate him. you take back every nice thought you’ve ever had about him.

he gives you an innocent smile and it takes everything in you to not strangle him. you swiftly turn the other way and speed walk till you’re outside the house, taking a deep breathe now that you’re free from the obnoxious people and music. just when you stretch your legs out to settle there for a bit, you see someone barging their way out, almost hitting your arm, you turn to curse them out just to see jimin come out from the same way, following the previous person.

you only know jimin because he works in namjoon’s bakery, and he’s in one of your classes, you’re friendly enough to greet each other but that’s it, so when you see him fighting with the person who barged out first, and the fight showing no signs of calming down, you roll your eyes at how stupid they sound, why can’t they just kiss already? you can literally feel the sexual tension in the air and they seem to be in absolute denial about it, but deciding that it was best to leave them alone, you unwillingly tip toe your way back into the house.

the party is still raging and loud and you can’t really distinguish who is who anymore, so you just push your way through the crowd, murmuring excuse me’s and curses to people who push you, only to find yourself in the living room where all your friends are gathered. they immediately perk up at your entrance, drunk smiles gleaming even in the darkness and you hate to admit that you sense some mischief in the air.

“i was looking for you, come here, sit down” jennie smiles as soon as she sees you and pats the seat next to her, you hesitantly sit and warily eye the bottle in the middle of the circle you’re sat at.

“what’s going on here?”

“we’re playing spin the bottle because we literally have nothing left to do” jisoo complains from opposite to you and you throw your head back with a groan, at the corner of your eye, you see yoongi walk in with his own friends and you don’t even want to look up again.

“how bored are you guys?” you complain but get comfortable in your seat anyway, it’s not like you were any less bored than they were.

“just say you’re too much of a wimp to play and leave already.” yoongi’s voice is crystal clear even with the loud music and everyone starts ooh’ing at his sentence, all of them were already used to your endless bickering and they always act like they know something you both don’t, you never cared enough to ask them anyway. you rolled your eyes before setting them on him with a bored expression.

“you’re still standing min yoongi, so who’s the real wimp here?” and now, everyone’s ooh’ing at you, he looks up at you with the same smirk that always annoys you and cocks an eyebrow before sitting directly in front of you, then pins you with only challenge clear in his eyes.

“okay, so the rules are pretty simple.” you look away from him and focus on listening to chaeyoung as she explains what exactly are the set rules.

“so when we spin the bottle, the people at the ends of the bottle either kiss each other or one of them gets to give a dare to the other, and the other cannot refuse” jisoo smiles at you as she plays with the bottle in her hand and you know what’s going on in her little head, she’s always been convinced that you have a crush on yoongi but you were close to vomiting on her when she told you that, she hasn’t backed down though and if you know her, she’s probably thinking this is some magical way to get you to kiss yoongi but you would jump into a well before that happens.

“the only person i want to kiss in this room is you” yoongi wears a wide, confident grin as he points to the random girl he’s been talking up since the beginning of the party and you watch with raised eyebrows as she blushes and buries her face into his shoulder.

poor girl, you wince to yourself.

and yoongi’s drinking up the affection, cooing at her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder, not letting her go even as the bottle spins speedily and lands on taehyung and some girl you’ve seen around the campus, you have never really looked at her but she does seem a little out of place in the party, and you make a note to yourself to talk to her later, you hate that feeling of being isolated and you wouldn’t want her to feel that way.

everyone watches them with excited and curious eyes, taehyung has a huge smile on his face as he wiggles his eyebrows at the girl who looks like she wants to run away, but then taehyung reaches over and whispers something into her ear and everyone erupts into cheers when he reaches for his hoodie on the floor and drops it on their heads, the hoodie comes off to reveal one flushed face and taehyung who is positively beaming. though the kiss is over, at least you assume it is over, everyone’s gaze lingers on the quiet girl who all but is biting on her lip and averting her gaze to the floor.

“stop making her uncomfortable and spin the bottle already” you say plainly as you leaned back on your hands, you could tell she wanted anything but attention, she just had a stiff posture and this was clearly new for her, so you decided to help her out. she flashed you a quick grateful look and you gently smile at her.

and the bottle kept spinning, most opted for the kisses, and each time someone would kiss, the entire room would be chaos, with people whooping and waving their hands, you bury your head into your hands each time that happens because you can’t believe most of these people are well in their 20’s and are still this excited over seeing their peers kiss but you enjoy the energy in the air, it’s familiar and being around your friends is something you’re always grateful for.

“wait wait yoongi didn’t spin the bottle” lisa points out along with chaeyoung and they both have happy smirks on their faces as everyone nods in agreement, soon cheering him on to spin it already and yoongi surrenders with raised hands.

the bottle spins and you hold your breath because you would do anything to not be at the other end of it.

you exhale in relief when it lands on who yoongi wanted it to land on, the girl who’s been around him all night, he just looks at her with a smile and she leans forward with sparkling eyes, and you look away just when the sound of smacking lips fills the air, immediately everyone starts shouting and that’s when you understand that maybe the kiss wasn’t innocent at all, you almost do a double take when you hear a silent moan in midst of all the chaos, looking back when the shouts die down to see the girls with pink cheeks and yoongi who had a proud smile on his face.

and you don’t know why, but at that moment, your annoyance for him touches the roof.

maybe because he was oozing confidence always?

maybe because it sounded like he was an incredible kisser?

maybe because he’s got someone blushing right next to him with just a kiss?

you don’t know and frankly you also don’t understand why you stand up from the circle right then, everyone’s eyes lands on you and you shift on your feet, you hate attention, and you particularly hate yoongi who immediately looks at you standing.

“i just need a refill, i will be back, you guys play” you gesture towards the kitchen and leave the living room with fast steps, you only let out a breath of relief once you’re in the kinda empty kitchen, it still has like 10 people but not one of them gives a fuck about you, which is exactly what you need.

you spot the tequila bottles but they are empty, making you groan out loud in frustration and you want to throw a chair into the window, because how the fuck do these people drink so fast? last time you were here, there were 10 huge, full bottles and they’re just gone now.

“fucking great” you mumble and squeeze your eyes shut as you lean back on the counter.

you don’t even want to go back to the circle and see yoongi’s face or the girl that he’s with who seems to blush about everything like who’s going to tell her that yoongi will probably drop her in a week?

you stomp your way back to the living room, and sit down with a huff, not looking at anyone, just letting the game continue around you and zoning out until someone asks you something.

your eyes don’t leave the bottle in the middle of the circle, staring as it spins and claims its victims, and you only snap out of your thoughts when jennie nudges you, you are a little startled when she pushes the bottle into your hand with a small smile.

“it’s your turn, spin it” she gently instructs, and you almost just want to cuddle her and go to sleep because she’s always been so nice to you and maybe it’s because you’re half-drunk and you’re mildly irritated by everything, but you feel so grateful to her soft voice.

but her words also make you pause, it’s your turn after god knows how many turns and you want to skip it, there’s no one in this room that you want to kiss.

“see, i told you, she’s a wimp” you glare up at yoongi as he stares you down, and with a grumble, you snatch the bottle from jennie’s hands and give it one rough spin. you silently pray that it lands on anyone but yoongi.

your heart almost pauses when it seems to slow down near yoongi, but then it tilts right at the last second, you feel lighter as you look up to see jisoo at the other end of the bottle, who has a cheeky smile on her face, you lean back with your won smile because you could just kiss her, it’s no big deal.

“so, kiss?” you raise your eyebrows at her and she narrows her eyes at you playfully, looking you up and down and you giggle at her fake horny expression.

“as much as i love kissing, i have a dare for you.” you eye her cautiously as she says this, why isn’t she just opting for the kiss?

“i’m not stripping down naked if that’s what you’re going to say” you deadpan, to lighten the tension in the room and everyone laughs, taking swigs of their drinks and someone yells party pooper.

 “why can’t we just kiss and get it over with?” you whined when she stayed silent and jisoo shook her head happily as everyone’s ears and eyes focused on what would leave jisoo’s mouth, she smirks a little at their enthusiasm and your slightly scared expression.

“the dare is” she pauses for dramatics and you throw the bottle cap at her making her jump and giggle.

“okay okay, the dare is, you have to get a tattoo in yoongi’s shop by yoongi, he gets to choose which one too.”

she did not.

“i’m sorry, did i hear you right?” you leaned forward with a cocked eyebrow because jisoo wouldn’t do this to you.

right?

“i’ll go easy with the needle on you, doll” yoongi chuckles from his spot.

“shut the fuck up, min yoongi” you snarl at him and fix your gaze on jisoo again as she shrugs with a delighted smile on her face.

“hey, i could just kick you out from my store, you know that right?” you ignore his words with a roll of your tongue against your cheek and run a hand through your hair, this is far from how you wanted your night to go.

“are you going to back off from a dare, y/n?” chaeyoung raises her eyebrows at you and it feels like thye’ve definitely planned this shit from the start but the mocking in her tone doesn’t allow you to say no.

“fucking hell, i’ll do it.” you give in because again, you are never one to back off from a challenge. even if you’re really scared of needles, you can do this.

“who said i’m doing it for you?” he questions with narrowed eyes and everyone in the room breaks into scattered giggles.

“i’ll give you a month y/n, convince him and get it done.” jisoo says, triumph clear in her face and tone as she calmly hands the bottle to its next victim.

again, this isn’t how you wanted your night to go.

-

convincing yoongi, as it turns out, was the hardest thing you have ever tried to do, and you take history in college.

not only is he insanely stubborn, but it also feels like he seriously gets off from pissing you off every single time, because the minute you start to get somewhere with convincing him, he would say something stupid, you would curse him out and you’re back to square one with your mission.

it’s been a week since the party and you’ve got no progress on him.

“okay, i can do this, it’s just stupid yoongi” you encourage yourself lightly by tapping your shoulders in butterfly position, because there’s nothing else that calms you down from the inevitability of having to talk to him.

you’re not sure why you are doing so much for a dare, but it feels like this is the chance to prove to your friends that the only feelings you have for yoongi is hatred, you cannot have them thinking you like him when even the thought of him annoys you to the core.

but you’re still here, with a bag of tempura shrimp and fried rice because apparently that’s his favorite food, and as the old saying goes, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.

now, if you were reached his heart, you would probably rip it out but you’re doing what you can to get the dare over with. you ring the bell and stand back, but nothing prepares you for the sight in front of you.

a girl in just a t-shirt, most probably yoongi’s, who’s definitely not his girlfriend.

didn’t they say the girl at the party became his girlfriend afterwards?

well, at least the girl looks just as surprised as you do, and she even starts getting teary eyed and that’s when you realized what this looks like, you brought him food, pretty early in the morning, you’re dressed up well because you just like to look good, and she could be assuming that she just slept with a taken man.

“doll, is that you?” yoongi’s voice comes from behind her and you grit your teeth in annoyance at his presence.

wait, where the fuck is his shirt?

you immediately avert your gaze from his bare skin and look at the girl in front of you who’s trembling, why the fuck did he call you doll with her right beside him?

“look, i know what this looks like but i’m not his girlfriend, i honestly hate him the most out of everyone i know, so you two are still fine, and gosh just wipe those tears please, i hate making people cry” you mumble the last part as the girl sniffles and nod while wiping the tears off her cheek, yoongi coos behind her and gives her a small kiss to the top of her head which makes her grin again.

he has a girlfriend, what is he doing?

you try so hard to hide the deep scowl on your face as you watch the sickeningly sweet exchange in front of you and tap your feet impatiently as you wait for them to finish.

“come in” yoongi says simply and disappears down the hallway with the girl, and you step in sheepishly, you look around the apartment and it’s surprisingly cleaner than you thought it would be, not knowing what to do with both of them gone, you enter the kitchen and plop down on a stool.

“i’ll call you later okay” you hear yoongi whisper and you slam your head on the table in front of you because that is a very sad attempt at a whisper, his whisper is loud as fuck, and it travels all the way to you, and you’re not a liar, his voice sounds hot, it’s husky, low and if someone whispers to you like that, you know that you will melt into a puddle.

you also hear the loud smack of a kiss and it takes everything in you to keep your ass planted on the stool and not run away from here.

the girl appears near the doorway of the kitchen and gives you a bright and happy wave, you wave back at her because as much as her tears surprised you, she still seemed friendly.

“so, what’s in that bag?” yoongi walks into the kitchen, thankfully with a shirt on, and you place the bag on the counter, not saying anything and letting him look through by himself.

“tempura shrimp and fried rice, are you trying to get me to ask you out?” yoongi chuckled as he pulled out the boxes and you frown at his statement.

“don’t flatter yourself” you mumble and pick your phone up to scroll as he sits down to eat, you notice him place a plate in front of you and look up in confusion.

“go on, serve yourself, i’m not doing that for you.” he gestures to the boxes with a wave of his hand.

“this is for you, more precisely for the tattoo.”

“i know doll, just eat the food.” if you aren’t wrong, you can hear some disappointment in his voice and he doesn’t even look at you as he says that, so you just shrug and take a box to fill half your plate with the food and continue to glance at him weirdly from time to time.

this feels strangely domestic, there is nothing but silence as you two eat but for once, you don’t want to strangle him to death, he doesn’t say shit to piss you off either, and the silence is comfortable, you thought it would be awkward to be in his apartment but you don’t feel that way at all.

“i’m still not doing your tattoo” yoongi says and the door shuts in your face as you stand outside his apartment with mouth agape and slumped shoulders.

then why was he being all nice just 10 minutes ago?

you kick the door with your foot and huff out in frustration because you really cannot think of anything else that could convince him.

what are you going to do now?

what could you possibly do now?

wait a minute.

his girlfriend.

“jisoo, are you sure that the girl from the party is still his girlfriend?” you almost yell into the phone to try and make your voice heard even with the loud traffic beside you and jisoo winces from the sound.

“yes, i’m sure, she was bragging about it in class today” you can hear how annoyed jisoo sounds though the phone and bingo!

you know just how to get yoongi to do your tattoo.

-

you get drowned in your own assignments the following week and don’t bother to look for yoongi, and honestly, you forget about the dare until your dear friends remind you at lunch when you were just trying to peacefully eat your food.

and you don’t even see yoongi around the campus anymore, he doesn’t even show up to the one class you have in common, but his attendance is obviously taken care of because of his friends who work in student council, you’re not going to lie, you are jealous of that, you would kill to miss some classes and still have your attendance intact.

“hey seokjin, wait up!” you spot yoongi’s friend down the hallway and you don’t really care that you literally look like a homeless person with your hoodie and loose shorts, you didn’t run all the way across campus to care about how you look, you need to know where the fuck min yoongi is so you can blackmail him and just finish the dare.

“hello y/n” he faintly smiles while sipping his coffee, how does he still look good when he’s tired though? if it weren’t for the fact that he was taken, you would definitely try to get with him but your chance is over. you feel a little self-conscious with your less than appropriate outfit and his polished look, but that shouldn’t be your concern right now.

“where is yoongi? he hasn’t been coming to classes.”

“why do you want to know? don’t you hate him?” he narrows his eyes at you and you slump a little, how many people knew of the fact that you hate each other? it’s not like you can blame them, you both fight in full parties, word is bound to travel.

“i do, i just have something to ask him.”

“is it really important?” he fixes you with a more serious look and you almost feel nervous before clearing your throat and nodding fiercely.

“yes, it is.”

“he’s been hanging out at our friend’s music studio for a while now, you can find him there, i’ll text you the address” and with that, jin blends into the crowd of people around you while you stay frozen.

what does yoongi do in a music studio? you wonder silently with your head tilted as you walk to your next class.

maybe you don’t know him as well as you thought you did.

-

the music studio wasn’t too far away your campus, and you could walk there even with your heavy backpack, you huff once you reach the run-down building, staring at it with curiosity filled in your eyes.

you definitely didn’t know anything about yoongi and music, sure you knew that he was a phenomenal piano player and also that he was very shy about it, you’ve only ever seen him play once and it was only because he was pretty drunk then.

you look around to try and find the room that jin told you about, brushing past several strange looking men but they are the least of your worries, you have dealt with idiots all the time at the bar and in parties, you will beat someone up if they mess with you.

“doll, what the fuck are you doing here?” you hear his irritated voice and silently heave out in relief because you immediately feel safer than you did just a minute ago.

“i should be asking you that.” you look at him with raised eyebrows and watch as he runs a hand across his face exasperatedly, only to march over to you, grabbing your wrist and dragging you with him.

if it were any other man dragging you around like this, you would break their wrist but this was yoongi, you trust yoongi, and  as much as you hate him, you know yoongi would never hurt you.

he pushes the two of you into a room and closes the door behind him, you immediately snatch your wrist from his grip and rub at the spot he gripped too hard.

“okay, you didn’t have to do that.” you mumble while massaging your sore wrist.

“what are you doing here?” he doesn’t hesitate to jump right into it.

and you want to bring up his girlfriend but he looks pretty annoyed, you’re not sure if this is the time to push his buttons even more.

“i just, i was around but the real question is, what are you doing in a music studio?” you throw the question back to him and quickly scan the room you’re in right now, there’s a sound system, a keyboard, some speakers lying around and other equipment you know nothing about.

“i don’t have to tell you that” he deadpans and you retaliate a little, your posture faltering at his firm tone because while yoongi has always been rude to you, there’s a certain coldness to his voice right now that you just don’t recognize.

“you’re right, you don’t.” he really doesn’t. and now, everything you’ve done looks stupid to you, like taking food to his home and meeting some random girl, chasing seokjin on campus even when you don’t have any familiarity with him just to find about yoongi and even refusing to back down from a dare that you could just deny.

you don’t think you’re doing this for the dare anymore.

yoongi sighs when he sees your rigid posture and head hung low because damn it, he feels bad for being mean to you and he never feels bad about being mean to you, being mean to you just comes naturally to him but you just look so small right now, the air of pride and arrogance that you usually carry isn’t around you anymore and yoongi doesn’t know what to do.

“how did you find out?” he asks finally, taking a seat near the equipment and you don’t want to tattle on jin but you have no choice.

“just asked around.” you still tried to cover up jin’s name and yoongi raises his eyebrows at you like he doesn’t believe you.

“fine, seokjin told me” you squeeze out and you just hope that jin isn’t the type to hold grudges.

“you really went all the way to jin to ask about me?” jin is across campus from you, which explains why you don’t know him all that well but you did find out where jin is, just to ask him about yoongi.

but yoongi doesn’t need to know about that.

“don’t think too much about it, i had a class on that way.” you stubbornly lie through your teeth.

“no, you don’t” yoongi spins around in his chair to gather some notes in front of him.

“what?”

“you don’t have a class that way y/n, we both know that.” how the fuck does he know that?

“why didn’t you just ask me? or come to my apartment? you’ve already been there and i truly don’t understand why you went all the way to jin to ask about me.” yoongi’s words are softer, a lot less cold than before, and a lot more like the yoongi you know. which causes the return of your unfaltering confidence.

“i don’t know your number, and i didn’t want to intrude on you in your apartment again.” you answer honestly.

“but you think it’s okay to intrude on me in my studio?” the mocking in his tone doesn’t go past you and for a second, you don’t know what to say but if you’re talented in anything, it has to be the fact that you’re insanely good at changing subjects.

“speaking of the studio, what are you even doing in this studio? don’t you have a tattoo shop to take care of?” you huff and sit down on a nearby stool. you know that you’ve done a wonderful job at changing the topic because yoongi stills in his seat, not a sign of movement from him.

“or you know, just don’t tell me i guess” you add with a petty tone which has him sighing once again and turning in his seat.

“you’re really pushing the limit here, doll.” it sounds like he’s warning you but you have never been one to give a shit about his warnings.

besides, you always thought you knew yoongi, like really know him and as it turns out, you know nothing at all which has you craving to know everything.

“haven’t i always done that?” you flutter your eyelashes at him dramatically which draws a small smile on his face, it’s a rare smile, you’ve only ever seen him smile like that with his friends or when he’s flustered.

interesting.

“fine, i will tell you” you immediately jump in your place, leaning forward to listen with the utmost attention, eyes wide open and lips pursed because you can’t believe mysterious man of the campus (he gave that title to himself last year) is finally opening up to you.

“you can’t tell anyone else, you have to promise me that” the seriousness in his voice tells you he’s definitely not joking around anymore and you aren’t going to do that either, so you sit up straight and nod obediently.

“my tattoo shop, to put in one way, was a rushed decision doll, i don’t know why i thought it would be a good idea but i thought as long as it brought in money for me, i don’t have to worry about anything else but i was wrong. i was so wrong.” admitting his mistake to you, his enemy basically, takes a lot of courage and you can’t help but feel a little touched that he shared it with you. and that he’s willing to share more.

“the income was great, but it isn’t where my heart is at, you know? even the course in college right now, i don’t feel anything towards it but music, ah music makes me feel everything i’ve ever wanted to feel.” yoongi doesn’t know why he feels so comfortable telling you all this when all your previous conversations have been catty comments to each other but when he looks at you listening to him sincerely, he feels like he can tell you anything.

“you probably know that i play the piano?” you nod enthusiastically, finally it was something you knew about him.

“yeah i do, you’re good even when you’re drunk.” you beam at him and he laughs at the stupid grin on your face.

he feels like he’s the teacher here and you’re the teacher’s pet.

but he knows if he says that out loud, you will probably kick him in the leg. and yoongi hates bruises so he shoves that happy thought to the back of his head, he will laugh about it to himself later.

“i’ve been writing songs forever now doll, and i’m finally getting somewhere with it, i’m going to hand over the tattoo shop to my sister and jungkook who are more passionate about it than i will ever be.”

he looks regretful almost, like he started something he couldn’t finish but you see yoongi in a new light now, writing songs, producing music, it isn’t child’s play, you know that a lot goes into putting your emotions into words and you admire yoongi for how honest he was with you even if he didn’t have to be.

“and focus on music full-time?” you ask gently and he nods.

“that is the plan, yes.”

so, this could be why he shut the door on your face even after the tempura prawns and fried rice, he’s going to stop working at the shop soon.

“isn’t jungkook that guy who is friends with jimin?” you distinctly remember jungkook’s name from somewhere but you can’t remember where you’ve seen him.

“yeah, they work at namjoon’s bakery together.” yoongi provides you your answer easily and you snap your fingers, you saw jungkook when you went to get a muffin from namjoon, he told you he would give you a discount and you couldn’t say no to that.

“that’s where i saw him, i remember now.”

yoongi stays silent, drumming his fingers against his leg and thinking by himself, he looked insanely attractive even with that stressed look on his face, he’s even wearing torn jeans today for heavens’ sake and you feel a little hot, you pick at your collar to try and cool your warming body down.

you can’t let him know the effect he has on you.

“you don’t have to worry about me telling anyone, i won’t. your secret’s safe with me” you smile at him and he gives you a grateful look before rubbing his palms on his legs, he doesn’t know what to say anymore and he feels weird just leaving himself completely vulnerable to you but yoongi trusts you, he might hate you but he still trusts you to not be that cruel.

“so, what did you come here for?” he asks, leaning back on his chair and you freeze.

how are you going to tell him that you came all the way here just to blackmail him after he’s told you his passion-filled story?

“it’s nothing important, don’t even worry about it” you wave your hand dismissively with a nervous chuckle leaving your lips and like always, yoongi doesn’t believe you.

“it must have been pretty important if you ran to jin to ask him where i am” he points out and you hate that he’s right.

“it is not important at all.” you lamely respond and yoongi cocks his eyebrow before leaning over and grabbing your stool and pulling him towards you, so that you’re face-to-face with each other.

your heart literally stops beating when his eyes meet yours, his are filled with steely determination and you’re sure that your eyes have wimp written all over them, just what yoongi always called you and it doesn’t help that you can’t think with his breath fanning over your face in hot flashes.

“i-i told you, it’s not important” you whine lightly and yoongi has an easy grin on his face because of your stutter.

“just say it, doll.” the command in his tone is really something you can’t ignore, because not only does it make you shiver, but it also puts you on autopilot to do what he asks.

“i know that the girl that you were with, in your apartment the other day, isn’t your girlfriend” you breath out and your heart returns to its pace when yoongi lets your stool go with a frown.

“girlfriend?”

“your girlfriend is the one from the party so i’m saying that i know you’re cheating on her with that other girl.” you don’t know why you keep talking but you do, you wish you would shut up already because yoongi finally isn’t that much of a mystery anymore and blackmailing him will just put his walls up again, but you don’t shut up.

“what are you trying to do, y/n?” with the lack of his usual nickname, the sentence seems colder, just like the tone he used when you first walked in.

and that’s when you know that any and all progress you’ve made with him is gone in the dust, you think might as well just destroy it all while you’re at it.

“i will keep my mouth shut near your girlfriend if you just finish my tattoo” you have never felt more stupid in your life, because you’re doing all this while you’re fully conscious, at least when you’re drunk, you have an excuse.

“so, you would tell on me if i didn’t do that tattoo for you?” you feel even more like an idiot when he puts it that way but you remind yourself pathetically that you hate him, and you don’t care what he thinks of you, so you nod a simple yes.

“wow doll, you play a nice game, huh?” he chuckles darkly as he throws his head back and you know that while his words might be funny, his tone and expression are anything but.

you shouldn’t feel guilty about this but you do, there’s this sinking feeling in your chest that whatever you’re doing right now, is not worth it.

just when you open your mouth to take back the words you’ve said and apologize and reassure him that you see him with more respect now, that his story and secret will forever be safe with you, that you admire his passion, you don’t get the chance to when yoongi shuts you up with his.

“fine, i’ll do your stupid tattoo, now get out of my studio.” your heart sinks at his blunt words and he says them while not looking at you at all, you know that you deserve it though which is why you shamefully nod and turns towards the door, leaving him alone in his studio again.

-

the next few days are a blur, and you’re back at some stupid party.

you needed to forget.

but as much as you tried to push yoongi away from your thoughts, there’s this nagging feeling that claws at you, you don’t understand why you feel as guilty as you do, but it doesn’t go away, it increased each time he saw you in campus and turned his head away like you were nothing to him.

and you hate that you’re nothing to him, you were at least an enemy before but now, he disregards you so easily.

why do you want to be something to him?

you aren’t stupid enough to bring up the tattoo though, you just figured you would give him the chance to tell you or just not get it at all, you are not going to run your mouth again.

“oh, jin’s here, did you hear about his girlfriend? i heard she’s trouble” you hear someone mumble next to you, and you immediately look up to see yoongi with jin and some other friends you don’t recognize, he doesn’t see you though and you want to hide away, you don’t want to see him just yet.

you duck your head low, clutching your red solo cup in your hand and moving away from his line of sight, the only place you know that is safe from everyone in this party is the balcony upstairs so you inform your friends that you’re going to get some air and leave.

as soon as you open the door, you welcome the fresh air that greets you, the night is especially cold and windy but you love it, you just tug your leather jacket closer and lean your body on the railing as you think back on everything that’s been happening.

why did you open your mouth in the studio?

why did you go to the studio at all?

why are you so desperate to prove your friends wrong?

maybe your friends were right? that can’t be though, you don’t like yoongi that way. or at least, you don’t know if you do.

you bite your lip once you feel tears of frustration pooling in your eyes because you brought this on yourself and you don’t even understand why you are so mad about this like yoongi used to mean nothing to you or did you just think he meant nothing to you?

you really want to call off the dare because at this point, it’s gotten too far.

“it’s freezing here, come back in.” you stiffen at the sound of yoongi and don’t even turn around, you just wish he goes away because of how you’re ignoring him. you hear steps and you almost sigh in relief, thinking that he left but when the steps keep getting louder, you turn around confusedly only to see yoongi walking towards you. he reaches where you stand as you hold your breath and he just looks at you while you look away with flushed cheeks.

“this isn’t the time to be stubborn doll, just come in.” he lightly scolds you and you huff out in frustration.

“why don’t you go in?” you snap, finally looking at him and almost instantly shrink back down because you’re really in no position to give him an attitude. yoongi clenches his jaw, trying hard to mask his annoyance because he doesn’t understand why he can’t get his feet to just move and leave you alone like you clearly want him to.

“i told you i will do the damn tattoo, why are you still being a bitch?” his words are like a harsh slap to your face, does he really think you’re still going on about the tattoo?

“this isn’t about the fucking tattoo, yoongi!” you yell at him, throwing your hands in the air and running a hand though your hair, almost pulling too harshly at the roots.

“then what is it about?” he crosses his arms over his chest, taking more steps towards you and looks at you sternly, and you don’t know what to tell him.

“you won’t understand” you shake your head pathetically, now even more confused with the close proximity you two shared but yoongi doesn’t move, he stays right where he is, so close to you that you feel dizzy.

“you don’t know that” he fires back and up close, you can see his frown getting deeper. the tension in the air is high and both of you are breathing heavier than necessary and your eyes stay glued on each other, if you moved a little more, you would be fully leaning on him and even from your position, you can feel his body heat.

“i used to think you meant nothing to me and all you’ll ever be is someone who will drive my nail to the wall, but turns out, i was fucking wrong about that, i was wrong and i can’t stand being nothing to you and you definitely don’t mean nothing to me anymore, and i don’t even know why i’m telling you all of this when you obviously don’t give a shit.” you hold your gaze as you try to put your emotions into words, it’s a mess but you feel lighter, things are ruined anyway and all you want to do right now is pull him close to you and just hold him all night even as you’re yelling at him, as fucked up as that sounds.

“do you really want to know what’s going on?” your voice is reduced to a mumble as your eyes shift from his eyes and move towards his lips, his gaze travels with yours and his eyes land on your lips too, and before he could let another breath out, you pull his collar to you and tilt your head to meet his lips.

yoongi responds immediately, his hands snaking around your waist to squeeze your hips and pulling you closer till your chest met his, as your fingers tangle themselves in his hair, tugging lightly, just enough to make him groan lowly, and the sound sends a shiver down your body.

neither of you pull apart for air, just letting yourself getting lost in him, in the taste of him that you’ve been unknowingly chasing for so long, and every touch he leaves on your body feels like a trail of fire that burns bright.

kissing yoongi was probably the best thing you’ll ever experience in your life.

and you’re scared to pull away because you know that nothing will ever be the same again, you just want to stay in this moment for as long as you can, forever if you can, avoid reality for as long as you can.

but of course, not all of your wishes come true.

you eventually push lightly at his chest to gasp for air, fingers curling around his shirt, you don’t want to let go and he leans his forehead on yours, breathing heavily as well, his eyes are tender as they watch you catch your breath, his hands leave your hips and gingerly reach out to tuck your hair back into place, all while his eyes never leaves yours and everything feels so intimate and delicate, like it’s just you and him in this night, every sound, anyone else are all white noise.

“yoongi” you mutter as you slip your fingers away from his hair and he shakes his head, taking your hand in his and holding it to the side of his face.

“please don’t say anything” there is pleading in his tone, a wish that you owe him for all the times you’ve fucked up so you do as he says, you let him caress your hands as his forehead never leaves yours, but he isn’t looking at you anymore, you don’t complain though because this way, you can look at him all you want and he will never know.

but after a while of just letting the wind embrace you two, you decide that you can’t live in this feeling forever, especially when everything feels so confusing and neither of you have a clue about what is going on, the only thing you know is that you’re in each other’s arms and that’s it, that’s all you know.

and that’s not enough.

“yoongi, your girlfriend” you whisper painfully, your heart is caught in your throat when his fingers pause on your skin, slowly retracting back to himself and he leans away from you, hands still loosely gripping your fingers, you already miss his warmth enveloping you. but you can’t be selfish, it’s no longer only both of your hearts that are involved.

“we can’t do this.” you pull yourself away from him and wipe the corners of your eyes that almost leak your tears, yoongi doesn’t say anything, but his silence is his surrender to the situation, you take his silence to be his agreement with you, that this isn’t okay.

taking his silence and compliance as your answer, you leave before your heart breaks even more than it already has.

-

you walk around like a breathing shell around the campus, regretting nothing and everything at the same time.

you don’t regret kissing yoongi, you don’t think you ever will but you regret how it happened, you regret the situation you put the two of you in.

but he kissed you back, that’s what confuses you the most, you fully expected him to tear away from you and curse at you while wiping his lips but he didn’t, he kissed you back, like actually pulled you closer till you couldn’t feel anything but him.

you want to ask him why he did that, but you can’t. you can’t look at him without feeling complete humiliation because you might have just been another girl for yoongi, another girl for him to cheat on his girlfriend with and you feel…worthless.

and you also broke girl code, something you firmly believed in, or at least used to believe in, you want to talk to his girlfriend and tell her so that she won’t be constantly lied to but you also don’t want to get involved with yoongi again.

you push your books away with a groan and throw your pen on the desk you’re sat on; you can’t concentrate for shit and you really just want to disappear for a few days. when your phone dings, you almost throw it out the window because you told your friends that you needed space after they saw you looking dull at the party and you aren’t in the mood to party and forget even if that sounds lovely.

you grab your phone with a frown and squint at it when the bright light blinds you for a second, you curse yourself and reduce the brightness to see a message from an unknown number.

from: xxxxxxx

tomorrow, 9 in the morning, get the tattoo done or forget about it.

you just stare at the screen for a few minutes, it’s definitely him, even through the text messages, you know that it’s him, and he’s offering to do the tattoo? even after everything?

it isn’t right to go for it but you’ve got a dare to finish, right?

-

genius lab ended up being so far away from your apartment, that by the time you got to the front of it, you were heaving like a pregnant women, and you heavily grasp the handle of the shop, pulling it open with all the strength you have left. you stumble in to see a pretty empty shop, it is a working day so that isn’t a surprise, you wipe the sweat off your forehead as you look around for yoongi.

what are you even going to say?

‘hello, the kiss was great and i still feel weak from it but let’s forget that happened because that basically was just you cheating on your girlfriend?’

that doesn’t sound right.

“y/n, right?” you look up to see a younger, handsome man at the counter.

“jungkook?” he smiles and nods his head, extending his hand towards you, you shake it with a smile of your own and you really shouldn’t be smiling, considering your situation but jungkook has a very infectious aura, very bright and filled with joy.

you like him already.

“yoongi hyung is in the back room, he told me to tell you to go there” he gestures towards the other end of the room and you want to turn and run away from here, because as far as you can tell, the back rooms are private places meaning it’s just going to be you and yoongi.

your original plan was to look at other customers as you get yours done but how can you look at anything in a room if yoongi was going to be the only person in there?

“is that so? then i’ll get going in there, good luck here jungkook” you give him a nervous smile and he beams at you with a nod, eyes shining and you coo at how adorable he looks before you take a deep breath to calm yourself and slowly walk towards the room.

you’re only here for the tattoo and nothing else, you won’t talk with yoongi at all or even look at him, just let him do the tattoo and leave.

there you go, perfect plan.

you push against the door with your hip, peeking in to see yoongi with his back to you and you take a quick step back, clutching your hand on your racing heart, you haven’t even seen him fully but you’re not sure if you can stop yourself from lunging at him.

“are you just going to stand there, doll?” just as you’re about to tip-toe your way out of the tattoo shop and hopefully move to a remote island where you don’t have to worry about anyone, yoongi calls you out, with his back still to you.

how did he even know that you were there?

you clear your throat a little and step into the room, the walls are white and there’s a few boards filled with drawings here and there, and then there is yoongi who apparently has decided to wreck you by wearing torn jeans and a black hoodie.

the outfit isn’t special by any means but you already feel weak in the knees.

you decide to walk over to him with your knees still wobbly and your breath shakier than it was and look over his shoulder to see him working on a tattoo design, probably yours, you lean over to see it properly and gasp at the delicate baby’s breath drawing, your favorite flower.

“i didn’t draw it, my sister did” he mumbles as continues tracing it carefully.

“your sister is talented” you say honestly and he hums in agreement.

okay, so you two are going to act like yesterday didn’t happen, you can definitely go along with that.

“stop loitering doll, just sit down on the chair” he can’t focus when you’re walking around him with big, curious eyes and a small smile dancing on your lips, and he feels bad when you sigh in disappointment and silently walk to the big chair in the middle of the room.

but he can’t do anything about it, he expected you to be your usual self and fire back at him but you didn’t and he doesn’t have a good feeling about that.

he heads over to the chair with the tattoo design ready in his hands, he instructs you to lay down and makes sure you’re fully comfortable and his side keeps pressing against your body as he leans over to prepare things for the tattoo and it takes everything in you to not kiss him again. so, you keep yourself busy, fiddling with the hem of your shirt.

“you’re going to have to look at me if we’re doing this, y/n” he says and you lift your gaze to see him looking at you with a face you can’t read or decipher but you hold his stare as he circles around you to flicker some lights on you.

“where do you want the tattoo?” he asks, pushing his sleeves up, to reveal scatters of small tattoos all over his arms and you gulp at the visible veins on his hands.

“i get to choose?” you raise your eyebrows and he shrugs.

“well, it’s your body doll, i think it was cruel enough to make you do this, so yes, you do.”

you do know where you want to get it, you always thought that if ever, one day, you decide to be brave and get a tattoo, there’s one spot you’ve wanted it to be but you’re not sure if yoongi will be okay with it.

do you really want to push your luck here?

“are you sure you’re comfortable with anywhere?” you decided to ask him and he frowns at you like there’s an obvious answer.

“yes, that’s my job.”

“right” you purse your lips and nod as he looks at you expectantly.

“i want it on the side on my waist” you whisper and yoongi drops his head with a chuckle.

“doll, do you want to kill me?” and your face heats up at his tone and at the way he looks up with a smirk, nodding while putting on his gloves.

“then you will have it on the side of your waist, you have to push your shirt up by a lot, like right under your bra and hold it there, understood?” you do a double take at his straightforward tone, like talking about your bra is totally normal but you just bob your head hastily and agree to whatever he’s saying, trying to not make a big deal out of it but you’re sure that your red face is a dead giveaway.

“okay, lay on your side” he places his hand on your shoulder and gently pushes you back on the reclined seat, and you huff deeply because it’s only now dawning on you that you’re getting a tattoo done by yoongi, it’s going to be on your waist and you feel stupid for not just going for your arm. you stiffen under him and watch with wide eyes as he places the needles on the table, those look painful and you’re genuinely terrified now.

“scared of needles?” you nod numbly to his question, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to get rid of the image of those needles.

“it’s whatever, it’s fine” you breath out but your body definitely gives you away, your hands are shaking and you’re sure that you feel dizzy.

“doll, take it easy, it’s going to be over in no time and just remember to breath properly during it” when he gets no response from you, and your eyes are still closed, he realizes how scared you are.

“you want me to distract you?”

“please.” you mumble and he wordlessly lifts your shirt for you because you don’t look like you’re going to move but he keeps his eyes on your face while he does that, carefully tucking your shirt under your arm to keep it from moving away and if you weren’t as scared as were right now, you would have noticed the goosebumps that rise everywhere his touch reaches.

he gently holds your shirt in place and places the drawing on your skin, putting it flat and rubbing it slowly so that it would transfer well, and you feel weirdly hot, he’s just doing his job but you really want to just grab him and take him right there.

“okay, i will draw over this and then we will get to the actual tattoo” you actually shiver a little when you feel one of his hands tracing the design and the other slightly pulling on your skin so that it stays taut and you don’t know why the fuck you agreed to this because you’re clearly suffering here.

“what do you think of weird food combinations?” he suddenly asks once he’s done with the tracing.

“some are alright, i guess” you answer and then you hear the sound of the drilling needle causing you to let out a low whine and bury your face into the seat you’re lying on.

you should have stayed home, even the sound is freaking you out.

“which ones, according to you, are acceptable?”

“i don’t think mint chocolate is as bad as people make it out to be.” he scoffs at your response, making you frown.

“what is your problem?” you snap at him and yoongi smiles because you’re finally talking to him like you always do, he would recognize that tone of yours anywhere.

“mint chocolate is horrible, doll, i thought you had taste.” he clicks his tongue at you and you immediately go on a rant about how mint chocolate is too hated of a flavor and that at the end of the day, it’s just food and everyone has different tastes.

somewhere in the middle of your rant, yoongi looks at you fondly, you’re always so passionate about everything, even the simplest things, you make it sound and feel like how music affects him, and just as you’re almost done with your rant, he presses the needle on your skin making you yelp and you would’ve jumped and ended up scarring your skin if it weren’t for his hands holding you down.

this hurts this hurts this hurts.

it’s all you can think of as he slowly moves the needle around, looking at you every once in a while to check if you’re okay.

“i never got to tell you this but i think you following your passion with music is really cool and i really respect you for that, i hope you know that i will always support you on it.” you breath out quickly and if you weren’t here, yoongi would’ve cried because he appreciates your words so much, he pats your head in thanks, mumbling how grateful he is and it’s delicate, just like your first kiss.

it doesn’t last long though.

“you know, a food combination i like is french fries and vanilla ice cream.” your mouth drops open at his words, that sounds nasty as hell.

“why are you looking at me like that?” he laughs at your scrunched up face.

“what the fuck do you mean by french fries and vanilla ice cream?” you practically growled at him while looking at him with pointed eyes, can this tattoo be done anytime soon?

“don’t say shit when you haven’t tried it.” he smirks at your annoyed expression and you just glare at him.

“i don’t have to try that monstrosity to know that it tastes like trash.” you snap at him with raised eyebrows and just when he is about to reiterate with another comment, you unconsciously move, you hear him tut and hold you back down with a strong grip.

“sit still doll, or i might just drive this needle into your nerves and leave you paralyzed for life.” you know his warning doesn’t mean shit but you stay silent and stop moving anyways.

wait, you haven’t felt pain for the past five minutes, and you realize it’s because yoongi distracted you, he could’ve just done his job and leave you to suffer alone but he didn’t, and your heart swells a little.

that was sweet of him.

“how did you know that i like baby’s breath?” yoongi pauses with the needle but then continues like nothing happened at all.

“asked around” he casually replies and you roll your eyes, of course he would say that.

“yoongi, we need to talk about what happened in the party” you nervously but finally address the elephant in the room, biting your lip once the pain increases again.

“when i have a needle in my hand, really?” he looks up with an exasperated expression and you nod.

“with a needle in your hand, yes.”

“doll, all i’ve got to say is, i don’t know why you think i have a girlfriend” he laughs a little as he continues moving the needle against your skin.

wait what?

“what?”

“wait a second, your tattoo is almost over” you let him finish up while you are lost in your own thoughts, you are once again confused about everything and you don’t even feel the pain anymore, he places a patch over the tattoo after you get a look of it and you have to admit, he might not have passion in this but he’s surely talented.

he helps you sit up slowly, holding both of your hands firmly and pulling you forward till your legs almost wrapped themselves against his waist, he doesn’t let go of your hands though.

“i don’t have a girlfriend, and the only reason i let you go that night was because you didn’t look like yourself, i didn’t want to take advantage of you when you were that emotionally vulnerable, i don’t think i’ve ever seen you that dull.” he speaks sincerely and you know that he’s honest but you’ve still got so many questions.

“so, what about the girl from the previous party? the one where we played spin the bottle?”

“she wasn’t my girlfriend, i didn’t even sleep with her that night.” he shook his head as he said it and you narrow your eyes at him.

“well, she doesn’t know that because she’s bragging to everyone that you’re her boyfriend” you poke a finger at his chest accusingly and he chuckles.

“let her, i know who’s i want to be and it’s not her” your cheeks flush when he looks at you pointedly as he says that, you clear your throat and sit up straighter, taking this new information gracefully and doing a little happy dance in your heart, you wrap your arms around his neck and plays with the ends of his hair as he can’t help but grin at you.

“what about at the studio? you got so mad” you mumble sadly because you still remember how heartbroken you were that day and yoongi sighs, patting your cheek and rubbing his thumbs in circles on them.

“well, girlfriend or not, i didn’t like that you blackmailed me, doll. i had just opened up to you and you hit me with that so yeah, i was mad but i’m not anymore, okay? i know how stupid you can be sometimes” he adds the last part teasingly and you immediately gasp, pulling away from him and hitting his chest though a huge smile blooms on your face. yoongi laughs happily as you continue to try to hit him as he dodges.

eventually he gets tired of moving away from you, so he grabs your hands in his and pulls you closer till your lips meet his, your wrists stay captured in his hands as you kiss him back with every bit of your nerves ignited with a fresh need, you pull away from him with a small giggle while he wears a dopey grin.

“i hate you so much” you mumble against his lips with a huge grin, but like any other time, you don’t have a scowl on your face nor do you mean those words at all, he hums in agreement, pecking you one more time and cupping your face in his hands.

“trust me doll, i hate you so much more” he coos at you and you laugh at him because you know he doesn’t mean it either, you know that the word hate is just a replacement for love when it comes to the two of you, the way his eyes sparkle at you with a newfound joy tells you enough, and your laugh only gleefully extends once he starts peppering kisses all over your face as you try to swat him away.

so yes, you hate yoongi a lot, you hate min yoongi the most.

to: jisoo

the dare’s done, you can get off my ass about it! and guess who has a boyfriend now? 😉

[laudthingcat]

I love you (Todoroki Shoto X Reader)

Hi yall~ This is my first time writing and posting a oneshot myself, but it was hella fun so i might as well just keep writing heh even if it’s shit y-y

I lost my damn text when my computer crashed before saving anything so i had to write everything twice i cri

Btw sorry if something sounds weird. I’m not a native so there’s that.

Word count: 1.4k

 Masterlist

Your boyfriend was throwing a party over at his house. His family was rich, so his house was huge. His parents, being busy, were now abroad taking care of an unexpected problem. The house was full of drunk teenagers and the air was now replaced by cigarette smoke. “Yikes”, you said to yourself before getting out of the house. It was the beginning of march but it was still very cold outside, and you started regretting not having some warmer clothes. You sure enjoyed parties, but not this kind. A party where you could at least hear your own thoughts would have been nicer. Since it was your boyfriend’s party, you were automatically invited, and yet, he was nowhere to be found. Not picking up your phone calls or reading your texts, you started getting worried.  

 It was now almost 10 pm and you still didn’t get any sign from him so you decided checking every room was a must, even tho it was his house, he won’t get mad now, will he? You entered every room, carefully looking around. In a few you got a glimpse at people making out. Blushing and closing back the doors in seconds, you continued checking the rooms, one by one but he was still nowhere to be seen. Maybe he went outside to buy some more drinks? That could be a possibility. 

 It was just way too noisy inside so you went outside looking at your phone, hoping there would be a response from him by now. The fresh air helped you feel better. You relaxed and looked around the house. “Oh it’s his friends”, you said seeing some familiar faces. They were all smoking and laughing without a good reason. “They need Jesus”, you mumbled before backing away a few steps. But then something caught your eye. It was your boyfriend kissing another girl. He was kissing her so passionately and yet whenever you tried to get close, he’d push you away saying that “he’s not in the mood”. You watched them without saying a word, too shocked to do anything. You knew you should go there and confront him, but you couldn’t, at least not at the moment. You felt betrayed and your heart was broken. How could he? He noticed you standing there and immediately started running towards you, calling out your name. Facing him was the last thing you wanted, so you ran inside. He knew you had self esteem problems and that you always felt like you weren’t good enough. You opened up and let him know about your insecurities and he still played with your heart.  

 Thanks to the big number of people in the house, he couldn’t find you. You continued wondering around, looking for a place to sit and think things through. When you were sure he lost you, you couldn’t help but think about him, memories of him and that girl filling your mind. Your eyes got watery; you started crying, not giving a damn about other people seeing you like this. How was she better than you? Just because she had the guts to kiss a guy she barely met? She was hotter for sure, but you could be hot too if you wanted. 

  Not thinking straight, guided by the desire of being good enough for somebody, you went to the kitchen where you grabbed a bottle of Jack Daniels. One, two, three, seven, ten shots; or maybe eleven? You lost count. Everything seemed easier now. Your head was spinning, yes, but you felt so much better. Needing to push every thought about him from your mind, you decided to go with the crowd, moving your body after the rhythm of the music. The song was so catchy, and your moves were so different from what your sober version would do. Not after too long, a random guy started dancing with you. He started touching your back, sending chills to your whole body. A few songs later, he started kissing you. His lips felt nothing like your boyfriend’s, so you started crying. That’s bad; that was bad. You knew it. But even so, you didn’t reject him, thinking that it may help you forget what happened. 

  Closing your eyes, you continued kissing the stranger. A few seconds later you didn’t feel that guy’s lips anymore. A boy was almost killing him in a fight. People got scared and a circle was made around the two of them. You didn’t really react in any way. You were just watching, thinking about how you’d like to eat some donuts. The boy woke you up from your daydreaming by grabbing your hand and leading you to an empty room. He turned the lights on, so now you could see his face. You recognized the face right away. It was Todoroki Shoto. You and him were very good friends, but recently he has been pretty busy with his classes and training, so you haven’t seen him in a few days. That was the last place you’d expect to see him, especially since he’s not a party person.

“ Todoroki?” you asked clearly surprised, being really embarrassed thinking about how he saw you kissing a random dude. He was probably disappointed. No, he certainly was disappointed, since you were disappointed yourself. 

“ Yes”, he responded coldly. Ahh man. You knew you fucked up, but did he really have to make you feel so bad?

“ What are you doing here? I thought you hate parties.” 

“ I do.” 

“ Then why are you here?” 

“ I came here for you. You invited me, remember?”

“ Ah, right” You did. But you didn’t expect him to actually show up. 

“ But then i got here, and the first thing i see is you kissing some random. Do you even know the guy?” he asked clearly pissed, losing control over his quirk, small sparks of fire coming out of his left part of his body.

You looked down because you already realized how stupid that was. But now you were just too curious. He usually doesn’t give a damn about other people’s business. Why was he so pissed? 

“ But why are you so angry with me kissing that guy? Maybe i like him ya know.” 

Oh no, he got angry. 

“ Why do i care?? He was almost fucking you right there, Y/N!! I am your damn friend! It’s my job to take care of you! I care about you…” His face got flustered saying those things. You thought to yourself how cute he was right there. He was usually a really cool guy, not showing emotions much.

 You were at a loss of words. He has always been there, also listening to your problems and somehow always finding your whenever you were feeling down or needed somebody to talk to. 

The silence was filling the room, until he broke it. “ But why were you kissing him anyways? I thought you have a boyfriend?” 

“ Well, I saw him kissing another girl”, you said casually as if you were talking about somebody you didn’t care about.  

“ Oh.. I told you he is a jerk. ” he said in a hushed voice.

Then you realized it. “ Actually I don’t really care. I thought about it and i didn’t really love him. He was my crush so I was really happy when he asked me out, but after a while I realized that I don’t like him. I wanted to break up with him, but everybody was saying that we look good together so i started believing that too.” 

His eyes grew wide. “ What??” 

“ Yeah..” 

“ Are you out of your mind? You shouldn’t date someone just because people say you look good together, Y/N” 

“ I know. But.. I wanted to feel loved.. I- I thought he loved me” , you said, tears falling down your cheeks.

“ You dumbass..” He said before pressing his lips against yours. His lips were soft. The feeling Todoroki’s kiss gave you was new. Not even your ex-boyfriend made you feel that way. He deepened the kiss, turning it into a passionate one. You didn’t want him to stop. You wanted this moment to last forever. Todoroki made your heart beat incredibly fast, now thinking about how you felt loved by the guy you least expected. When he broke the kiss, you looked down, blushing. He was also looking away, too embarrassed and surprised by his own actions. 

“ I love you” , he said grabbing your hand and squeezing it softly.  

[obeiii-mee]

Hi I hope you're fine! Can you make the reaction of the brothers to a Mc who managed to overtake Salomon and made 100 pacts, the 100 th being ... Diavolo himself ?! (idk if it is really possible) Thank you love on you

I don’t really know if it’s possible either but I gave it a go anyway! I love this concept tho because MC, being the powerhouse they are, now has absolute control of 100 demons one which is actual prince of hell. Idk why I find that funny tbh.

I hope you’re well too and that you enjoy reading these HCs!

————————————

The Brothers Reacting to MC who made 100 pacts:

Lucifer:

-*Surprised pikachu face*

-I’m sorry, w a t?

-Not only did an average human,with no magical capabilities whatsoever, beat a spectacular sorcerer in the span of just one year and managed to make 100 pacts before him

-But they also made a pact with Lord Diavolo as a grand finale??? (MC knows how to leave DevilDom with class holy shit)

-If you look closely enough, you can see Lucifer’s wheels spinning inside his head

-And here he thought you were going to get eaten in the first few days

-He needs to sit down for a few moments, his fucking logic has decided to take a walk

-He really went 0-0

-And on one hand, he’s totally impressed and actually very proud of their little exchange student

-But on the other hand, when tf did you have the time to make 100 pacts??

-You talked with at least 92 other demons and didn’t get murdered?

-Are all humans this hard to kill off or it just you?

-Taking aside his confusion and the way he worries like a middle aged parent, he’s actually pretty boastful about your situation

-Pride on another level, I’m telling you

- Pretty smug about it to Solomon too which is concerning because he isn’t really supposed to have favourites in the exchange program

-But he totally does

-“MC, you’re full of surprises aren’t you? You’re ability to adapt here is very impressive. Just don’t get too reckless, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

-Aw your tsundere and arrogant boyfriend actually really cares about your well being

Mammon:

-“But I���m still your first man, right?”

-Literally the first thing that leaves his mouth when he finds out

-Doesn’t matter how many pacts you make, he’s always going to insist he’s your first and therefore your best pact of them all

-He may freak out a bit at first because he doesn’t like the idea of you possibly chatting it up with other demons but he’s pretty chill

-Until you tell him about Lord Diavolo

-“Guess who just made a pact with Lord Diavolo!!”

-“Is it someone famous?”

-He’s a bit scared because the price you have to pay to be in a pact with Lord Diavolo is pretty damn high

-But if you keep insisting you will be fine, his worry will subside

-He’s a bit smug, like Lucifer, knowing you beat a powerful sorcerer in a non existent contest that he just made up in his mind

-Like “In your face Solomon, MY HUMAN got to make 100 pacts before you had the chance. Haha what a loser.”

-I feel like the brothers sometimes wish to just abandon Mammon somehowere so they don’t have to deal with this

-Dude doesn’t care how many pacts you have or with who as long as you remember ‘he was your first man.’

-Of course you of all people would be able to attain such a significant achievement

-You were his human after all

-No matter what you do, he will be even more smitten with you than before

Levi:

-“That’s cool. Will you pass me my headphones.”

-“....”

-“Wait....you did whAT?”

-You’re telling him that he barely has the courage to step outside the House of Lamentation but you can go right ahead and start making pacts with demons like it’s nothing???

-Did he just get beaten at life by a normie?? His normie even??

-He’s really panicking because the shit you’d have to deal with when making that kind of bond with Lord Diavolo is apparently very terrifying and he’s scared something bad will happen

-Pacts also mean markings on your body, so his whole jealousy thing kinda sparks here

-Because ‘it’s not fair you have all these people’s pact marks on you while mine is barely visible!”

-Even though his is like, really obvious too???

-Other than that, he just feels like you’re gaining EXP and getting stronger, like a video game character which is cool

-I want him to show up whenever MC gets in a new pact and just shout ‘Level Up!’ at the top of his lungs lmao

-He doesn’t have that much of an opinion on Solomon, besides his cooking, but he’s impressed and a bit scared that you can outdo a human like him in something as dangerous as this

-Lololololo, Solomon got wrecked by a human normie what a noob XD XD #badassnormie #solomoncanteven #gameoversorcerer

-The brothers seem pretty adamant at rubbing the salt into Solomon’s wounds, can we get an f in the chat for our white haired wizard boi

Satan:

-He knew that humans were capable of a lot of things but what the fuck?

-How is that even possible???? What is the likelyhood of a random human managing to make 100 pacts???

-He is probably the most unsettled because he relies on probability and logic to get him through his day to day life

-And that shit don’t make no fucking sense

-He’s not agitated, just very shocked

-And then he realises the potential threats you’ve been exposed to considering all the demons you’ve had a chat with

-So now he’s just thanking Lord Diavolo that you weren’t eaten alive by some lower level demon scum

-Don’t be surprised if he asks you how you went about when you started making pacts with demons

-You were always a bit of a special case and you certainly stood out from the very beginning but this was something completely different

-For a human like you, that is a very respected achievement you’ve unlocked

-Satan figures that since you made pacts with him and his brothers, you would try to do so with Lord Diavolo too

-But he actually accepted?? You just kinda gave up part of your soul to the demon prince and now you have full control over him???

-It’s amazing how easily you could make demons of all things to trust you

-He respects that and also appreciates your tactical approach to this as well

-It’d be pretty easy to summon a demon to get your ass out of danger if the need arises

-He has no idea what you do to him but it’s strange he would rather let you ramble on about the backstory of every pact you made in the past year than read his collection of books

-Wrath certainly isn’t the only thing in his heart right now

Asmo:

-#conflicted

-His partner beat his ex fuck-buddy at making a pact with Lord Diavolo

-Asmo knew you were special ever since that retreat at Lord Diavolo’s palace when you managed to summon him with such power

-But he definitely wouldn’t have guessed you would be capable of something like this

-Your bravery when it comes to this sort of thing endears him a lot

-He will probably want to see all of your pact marks now (haha you’re in danger)

-Unlike his brothers, he knew damn well why you had managed to make around 100 pacts in just one year

-Demons aren’t used to anything genuine or with good intent

-So, it makes sense they would be attracted like magnets to you and your approachable, kind nature

-After all, demons can’t deal with temptation very well

-Solomon is cunning and ominous, not that different from anyone else down there and it’s a fact the brothers don’t even trust him that much

-But Lord Diavolo?

-“MC honey you hit the jackpot! Tell me every little detail!! What happened? How did the topic of a pact come up?”

-He’s not worried about you overall

-Not because he doesn’t care but he believes that if you can survive for a year with the seven avatars of sin and also convince 93 other demons to make a pact with you, then you can handle whatever Lord Diavolo throws at you

-He probably buys a bunch of revealing clothing you can show off all of your marks because they look ‘fabulous’

-It’s the only think he’s gonna talk about for a while because how many other humans can say they have control of the prince of Hell???

-Asmo also acknowledges that Diavolo must have trusted you a lot for him to agree to this which he thinks is incredible

-He will definitely listen if you have any stories on the pacts you made because he finds them very thrilling and he loves the sound of your voice!!

-Again, he doesn’t need human souls, just a mirror, some skin products and drama to survive

-And you, if I had to guess

Beel:

-The calmest our of the seven about it

-You made a bunch of pacts? Cool, it just shows how strong and independent you are

-Which made him respect you even more to be honest

-He flinches a bit when you tell him about Lord Diavolo because he knows that the prince isn’t the type to agree to anything without being given something in return

-Even if he knows you can handle yourself, he will be right there beside you to help you out

-Also, uh, don’t tell Belphie about the pact thing Diavolo. He might blow a fuse

-You guys work out together sometimes and he is usually utterly mesmerised by all the pact marks you have on your body

-He kinda wishes you would have asked him or one of his brothers to come along with you when you made your pacts

-Just in case things went wrong

-He regrets a lot of things that had happened until now, but one thing he absolutely cherishes is the pact you made with him

-Beel is aware that his brothers think the same and if you think you can deal with the pressure of having some many demons under control, then he won’t nag you too much about being careful

-As for the Solomon thing, he doesn’t have much to say

-I mean, yeah, he is a sorcerer and you’re just a human but if you could make a pact with Lord Diavolo in such a small time frame before he even had the chance to?

-It means you’re just as special as he is

-And definitely a better cook

Belphie:

-ok maybe humans aren’t as stupid as he originally thought them to be

-Making pacts with so many demons is something that takes strength and intelligence, so props to you

-He would never admit it, but you being able to do all this shit without batting an eyelid is seriously restoring his love for humans and their culture

-might take a while tho

-He also wonders when you had the time to make so many bonds, considering he spends most of the day with you at RAD and at home

-Eh, he was probably asleep

-His view of you before the incident did a full 180 degrees

-This sort of thing in DevilDom is something worth praising, especially for an average human like you

-And ‘I guess you don’t look all that bad with so many pact marks on your body *angy boi blush* but I still like mine best!’

-It might be best not to mention the Lord Diavolo thing, otherwise his brain might snap in two

-But turns out, he seems pretty relaxed about it

-Too relaxed, I would say

-“Hey do you think you could use your pact with Lord Diavolo to do something that would tarnish his reputation and maybe embarrass Lucifer while you’re at it, idk.”

-Ah, so that’s what it was

-He’s such a mischievous, spoiled brat

-“No Belphie shush.”

-“I’m just saying-“

-Despite him hating humans way less nowadays, he still holds somewhat of a grudge against them

-Old habits die hard I suppose

-Especially for Solomon whom he never liked in the first place

-He finds it very amusing when he figures out you just beat Solomon at his life’s work in under a year

-He has a good chuckle about it but never actually brings it up in front of him

-Because he knows you’re gonna flick him over the ear for it

-Belphie is the youngest sibling and therefore the spoiled child, can’t change my mind

(Ok so poor Solomon, I kinda want to give him a hug now lol. Hope I didn’t make these too repetitive or short. Thank you for reading!)

Al~

[early2000smovieimagines]

Meeting and Dating Royce Clayton

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(I know the walls are supposed to be soundproof so I’m just gonna pretend that the ghosts can make you hear what they want when they want.)

- Being related to Cyrus had it’s perks …you supposed. You were aware of his “eccentric” work so when he died; let’s pretend he really did die, you were given the haunted house of hell. 

- Considering Cyrus was dead and you would be living in his home alone; and possibly because his “lawyer” found you attractive, you were made well aware of what you would be getting into …but in this economy? 

- Truth be told, you didn’t quite believe the lawyer when he told you that ghosts were being held prisoner in the home. You knew that Cyrus worked in the paranormal but you didn’t expect the reality of your situation; the fact that there were tangible entities locked up in your basement, so when you were brought down there and told to put on the glasses …well, lets just say it was a shock. 

- So there you are, walking tentatively behind the lawyer as he acts tough, making jokes and borderline flirting with you; though you aren’t paying much attention to what he’s saying. The ghosts glared as they watched the two of you, well, most glared, others stared or watched with sick interest. 

- You were so focused on watching the leering Jackal that you hadn’t even noticed the other figure that had suddenly materialized beside it. It wasn’t until you’d felt another set of eyes on you that you noticed; out of the corner of your eye, that the cage you were standing next to was no longer empty. 

- Gasping, you whipped your head around and found yourself nearly nose to nose; separated by glass, with the one and only Torn Prince. 

- The lawyer made a joking comment behind you about the ghost and said apparitions grin faltered as his eyes flickered towards the other man who guided you away from the cage with a hand. And, soon enough, you were being led back up the stairs, leaving the angry spirits behind you. 

- The thing about living in a “haunted house” is that you can’t just pretend that it isn't; as much as you may try. After living a perfectly average and sometimes boring life, the thought of having tangible evidence of ghosts is your very own forbidden fruit ...so soon enough you return to the basement. 

- Initially, you were obviously drawn to the more grizzly and disturbed individuals; perhaps occasionally the sadder ones if it was one of those days, but it was only a matter of time before you found yourself fixated on one ghost in particular; maybe if only for said spirits fixation on you. 

- Every time you went downstairs ...there he was ...staring at you. A part of you was scared but another part of you ...the lonely, horny part of you ...sort of liked it.

- He only ever stared. Never swung at you, never acted aggressive, never even glared. He just ...stared.

- There’d been a few days where you waited to see what he’d do, sat down on the floor in front of his cell and resigned yourself to watching him back. He’d smile at you then, smile and walk around his cell, glancing back you every now and again to see if you were still watching.

- After some time, he’d mirror your position on the floor and watch you back with the same amount of intensity for as long as you sat there. Any attempt you made at speaking to him was futile, he never answered, not until about a month after you moved in.

- You’d had a busy week, busy enough that observing ghosts was the last thing on your mind. Well, the spirits were the last thing on your mind until you were going to bed and heard a harsh banging coming from somewhere in the house.

- Your immediate thought was that someone was breaking in; as implausible as that was, and so, you hesitantly picked up something hard and began to investigate.

- The farther from your room you got, the more you realized that it wasn’t coming from anywhere anyone could get in from, it was coming from the basement. With a sigh of relief yet a bit annoyed, you crept down the steps and looked for the culprit.

- Royce; it was obviously Royce, his chest heaved slightly as he panted from the effort of his actions (does he even need to breathe). You folded your arms and met his eyes as you stood in front of his cell.

“You do realize it’s nearly midnight, right?” He merely watched you like he always did.

“Okay,” you said, sighing and nodding your head at his silence. “Okay, yeah.”

- You turned from him and began to walk away before something stopped you. Before he stopped you.

“You look like a dream.” He’d called out as your back was turned and you immediately froze.

- Turning around, you eyed him in surprise, watching as he stared and toyed with his bat. As any rational; or perhaps not so rationally, person would, you backpedaled and stopped in front of his cell again.

“You just talked,” you stated before furrowing you’re brows and clearing your head with a shake. “What did you say?”

“You. Look. Like. A dream.” He emphasized each word with a step forward.

“This is incredible.” You spoke in disbelief.

“Thank you.” He’d replied with a bit of a grin.

- And thus, you began to speak with him quite often, whenever you could really. He was charming, cocky and confident in his own right; even though he was dead. You liked him, even if it was strange.

- That being said, when he asked you to let him out ...you were hesitant. You’d been warned against trusting the spirits so your immediate thought was that he’d been trying to fool you into releasing him all along. You’d quickly excused yourself and kept away from the basement for a bit of time, thinking the whole thing through.

- After some time, you’d decided that you’d take the chance, crept downstairs, carefully unlocked the door to his; you’d checked it to make sure about seven times, cell and let him out.

- You slowly stepped out into the hall after you did so, watching as he walked out of the glass cage with a smile. Your heart beat harder and harder as he gazed at his surroundings before focusing on and approaching you.

- Before you knew it, he was in front of you, his cold hand reaching out and trailing down your arm.

“Why don’t we go upstairs?” You whispered and he met your eyes, smiling in response.

- The two of you shared your first kiss about a week or so after you let him out of his cage. That lawyer had called you as the two of you were sitting together and after a minute or so of you speaking to him; and Royce hearing his attempt to ask you out leaving his mouth, the ghost had pressed his lips to yours.

- In an instant, the phone was forgotten and the lawyers attempt to get you for himself was ruined.

- But while your relationship with the living man was killed before it even began, your relationship with the spirit was only just beginning.

- As we saw, Royce can’t leave your home; not unless he’s released for good, so pda isn’t exactly possible. He’s an indoor boyfriend that can only really give you affection when you’re alone.

- Touchy, touchy, touchy. He’s been alone for a long time and was only about seventeen when he died so he’s at that “prime age” for being a horny, little bastard man.

- Cold touches and kisses. He’s dead so....

- Cheek strokes.

- Coaxing kisses; especially when you first start dating.

- Having kisses peppered across your face and body.

- Feeling a cool weight against some part of you and just knowing that it’s him.

- Sitting on his lap. I assume that it’s possible if he can touch you, right?

- Making out and heavy petting. He’s a bit of a whore for you.

- Occasionally, he’ll ask you to take off “those stupid glasses” so that he can see you as you are and look at your face up close. It’s a vulnerable, intimate sort of moment for the two of you when you don’t know what he’s thinking or how he’s looking at you; and he’s just full on lovestruck staring at you.

- He calls you a few pet names; things like “doll” “kitten” and “angel”, but when hes in a more serious mood, he just sticks to your name.

- He likes to spoon you from behind when you’re cuddling. He likes having you pressed right up against him.

- Him just rubbing your legs when you’re sitting together because you’re soft and he’s completely in love.

- Jumping and jolting because of random cold touches on your bare skin.

- Getting thrown over his shoulder. Even in death, he’s strong and agile as shit.

- Dressing up in 1950s clothing every once in a while just to surprise him. He nearly cried the first time you did. He got all misty eyed and his voice got that stuck in your throat, emotional tone to it; the image is burned in your memory.

- Having him teach you old school dances. He likes watching you fumble around and giggle shyly; he thinks it’s adorable.

- Listening to stories about his life. You can’t help but feel a little melancholy seeing the way his eyes sparkle and the smile that finds its way onto his face as he relives those little past experiences.

- Taking photos of his beloved ballfield and other places for him to see how they changed over the years.

- Letting him tell you baseball facts and recount the different games that he listened to over the radio or saw in the stadium.

- The first time you held his bat (not a poorly hidden innuendo) was borderline erotic for him. A pretty girl touching his prized possession and paying close, careful attention to it? His mouth went dry and he needed a little recovery time before he could speak.

- Movies and tv dates.

- Picnics and candlelit dates in one of your huge, empty glass rooms.

- Laying on the floor together, holding hands and staring up at the clouds through your skylights.

- Please give him a compliment; he wants your praise so badly. You’re literally perfect and he’s got half his face burnt off, he’s a little self conscious.

- He’s sort of shy about his face. He doesn’t like you looking at “it” too much but at the same time, he also gets insecure when you don't look at him. Just try to look at him without focusing on the …burnt side; at least at the beginning of your relationship.

- Being welcomed home by a whispering noise and a pair of glasses coming skidding towards you on the floor.

- Randomly just getting the faint smell of smoke, coldness, and old cologne; or just being able to smell that whenever you’re near him.

- It’s probably not best to have guests over. He’ll be in your ear the entire time, asking you who’s who and trying to make you talk to him, and I doubt most people would handle accidentally seeing a ghost loose in your house; and learning that he’s your boyfriend.

- Calming him down and trying to keep him that way when he gets a rush of anger.

- Cradling his head to your chest/stomach as he’s on his knees, his whole body heaving while he pants and tries to not destroy your house in a fit of rage over something. Royce is a ...troubled individual.

- Given his past, one can assume that Royce is a sort of impulsive. You might have to try and convince him to think things through. Though how much harm can he really do at this point, right?

- He’s dead and your alive, he’s stuck in your inherited house and you wander the streets alone. Your relationship is complex and admittedly difficult, how couldn't he get jealous?

- Royce sort of gets jealous of everyone, just to varying degrees. Your family and friends are meh; he’s more so just envious of them at times but he doesn’t start problems over them. It’s when people; usually men, who aren’t related to or aren't completely platonic with you come around that he actually gets jealous and contemplates …getting rid of them.

- You’re living in a house full of spirits that most likely want to murder you ...and then you’re going into the real world where literally anything could happen to you and he wouldn’t be able to do a damn thing. Of course he’s protective of you!

- That being said, a dark part of him sort of wishes that something would happen to you, not because he wants you to be hurt or because he doesn’t love you, but because he loves you so much. Your relationship is hard for the both of you but he’s the one that can be completely deserted if you chose to leave. He always feels extremely guilty after those thoughts but rest assured, he still has them sometimes.

- The two of you have quite a few fights, he’s just that kind of person. Most of the time it’s stupid bickering but depending on what you’re fighting about, he can get really angry, raising his voice and yelling, maybe making threats; which is when you leave and lock him away behind you.

- When you’re angry at him, all you have to do is take off the glasses and stay in your room …but god he hates it. He gets so, so angry whenever you do ...until his anger morphs into a sort of fear; a fear of you really getting sick of him. As silly as it may be, he can’t help but grow nervous, wondering whether you’re ever going to acknowledge him again.

- He’ll watch you as you go about your day, initially throwing a few tantrums, yelling at you and banging on walls with his bat. He’ll wait for you to forget to close a door or when you willingly leave one open and hesitantly come in, calling out your name in such a depressing tone that you can’t help but feel bad and accept his apology.

- He doesn’t tell you he loves you extremely often but he does say it; usually during very sincere and sweet moments. It’s always memorable whenever he says it.

- You might not know what the future entails but you’re enjoying each other’s company and that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

[shreddedleopard]

Twelve-million more reasons Historia and Levi are part of the Endgame. With Pictures.

You can read the first post I made on this here:

10 reasons it would make narrative sense for Levi and Historia’s character arcs to end together.

(This is the mega-evolved version.)

Okay, I’m going to put this out there now, and before you judge me, please just read the posts. You don’t have to agree. This is just an idea. But it makes a stupid amount of sense, at least to me. So here's your fair warning (and now I'm being bold): If you don’t want to potentially be spoiled, Do Not Read On.

Here’s the Theory:

Historia Reiss will give birth to a half-Ackerman child, and together with Levi, from the ashes and ruins of the world Eren destroyed, they will welcome the dawn of a new age for humanity, where Ymir’s curse and the power of the Titans is extinct.

I know. I sound like some crazy, Rivahisu nut. Granted, I am, but I’m not mad enough to make a claim like this without a shit-ton of evidence, because it’s such a damn twist it feels like it can’t be true. But just humour me.

Here’s the theory, then we’ll look at why it makes sense and how it might have been foreshadowed. Please note: I have less clue how this will tie in to Eremika endgame, so I haven’t mentioned this as much, but obviously that will be the other very important side of this coin.

10 months ago (In Japan, full term pregnancy is counted as 10 months), at the banquet celebrating completion of the new railroad, Levi and Historia, having had 3 and a bit years to bond over their shared experiences and become close, may have gotten carried away together and shared one night of being a bit more than friends. She’s well into her 18th year at this point, just to clear that up. This resulted in Historia getting pregnant. Okay just stay with me; I know. I know. I sound crazy. But hear me out. So this pregnancy, contrary to the belief of the MPs and rest of the damn world, was the complete opposite of planned. Historia tells Levi, and Levi immediately panics. Because, to steal Kenny’s famous line, Levi thinks to himself ‘I can’t be some kid’s dad.’

 Levi does what he always does best, and shuts down into business mode, telling Historia she will need to cover it up somehow. Historia does as he asks, probably reluctantly, because she really has developed very deep feelings for him during the timeskip, and finds some farm hand to take the blame, likely saying she made a silly mistake with some random and the father doesn’t want anything to do with the child, and so she needs a father for the child not to be illegitimate. Which is her worst nightmare, because of course, that’s what she was. Levi watches the exchange hidden in that famous hood, feeling very conflicted, because although he cares about her, he thinks it best if no one knows that it was him that got the Queen pregnant, and of course, he’s duty bound, with a vow to fulfil, so he has no time to be worrying about a family. (Silly Levi!) 

How ironic this conversation would be if this theory were true. Remember, Historia was completely willing to eat Zeke if needed. Instead, she got pregnant, unplanned, nothing to do with any plot or selfish wishes, just the result of a spontaneous act of love by two people who’ve grown to care for one another a lot. ANYWAY.

Because we know Levi actually has a good heart, he feels immensely guilty for all of this; he's just a product of his upbringing and thinks he doesn’t know the first thing about families, so it's better for all involved if he not be. See where this is going? The old cursed history repeating? Making the same mistakes as our parents? Plus, Levi is bound by his duty. He is incredibly important to the military still, and he cannot just abandon this for any of his own selfish wishes. He’s supposed to be the one to vanquish the beast titan. 

Cue ten months of Historia looking hella depressed and hopeless, and Levi being even more of an asshole than usual to everyone, and not really wanting to say too much at all, as well as making some terrible workplace decisions (lol) poor boy be distracted.

Look at his face 😭

Yes Levi. A month. Which means Historia is now due and you’re still stuck with beardy, without a solution and pretty soon no reason for the MPs not to turn the mother of your child into a Titan.

That’s what that face is. I thought he looked a bit weird first time I read these panels 🤔 He didn’t know about the wine. We see that later. Anyway, I keep getting distracted, stop. I’ll come back to this.

But fear not; Levi will have a choice to make. 

So this is where it gets a bit more iffy for me, because I'm not sure how it would work, so this could be a way off, BUT. I believe it will come to light that the combination of Royal and Ackerman genes will somehow cancel out a person’s ability to turn into a titan and connection through paths, thus making them truly ‘free.’

The founding titan has the ability to change Eldian physiology, according to what Zeke learned from professor Xavier. 

EDIT: Okay so here’s where I’ve had to tweak this a bit in light of there latest chapter. So we just had Zeke in PATHS. With none other than our second resident genius, and as proclaimed by Eren, the saviour of humanity: Armin. What do our boys have a conversation about? Reproduction and the importance of the small moments in life - it’s these little moments which matter, regardless of the desire or need to recreate. Interesting how both the leaf and baseball link back to what their ideas of ‘family’ became. If Historia and Levi were to be in the same scenario in PATHS, what would their items be? What truly means family to them both? 

Perhaps Armin and Zeke realise what is needed to lift the curse of the titans - maybe a blueprint for genes which can cancel out the connection to PATHS and the founder? If only they had a child with a new type of Royal-Ackerman DNA which might fit the bill ... 

Here’s Levi’s moment. He, with Historia, has created such a child - completely by accident, because of one of those ‘moments’ that both Armin and Zeke mention - moments that are simply just about enjoying what you have with no sense of how it might relate to anything bigger - a real rarity for both of them, considering their roles and constantly being asked to think about the good of humanity as a whole. What a beautiful irony, that in the moment they chose to be selfish and, to use freckled Ymir’s own words, really live for themselves, they set a chain reaction in motion that would ultimately save humanity. 

Where does this leave Eren and Mikasa? Good question. I believe Eren will die once the curse is removed, because tragically he is the character that has been forced to choose humanity over his own personal relationships. As Isayama has said before, Eren is a victim of the story. Mikasa will be the last thing he sees, hence the original dream at the start of the manga, where he wakes up crying. Something like this. But probably a lot better. Yeah.

Out of the ashes of the old world, a new one will be built, but through Historia’s kindness and love, and Levi’s guilt and understanding of what was sacrificed in the past, society will not repeat the same mistakes. The final panel could be Jean holding his child, perhaps with Mikasa, if she ever manages to get over losing Eren. That would be vague enough so that Isayama was able to show it to us already without spoiling much. Or maybe Jean’s dead and it’s not him at all. I don’t know. 😭

Right. Okay. So now you’re going, sweet story, but uh, there’s no way Levi could be the father. He’s so much older. Isayama wouldn't write a moment of romance like that. Not with him and Historia. YOU’RE JUST CRAZY.

Well this is where it get’s interesting. LET ME SHOW YOU. It’s foreshadowed literally everywhere. Right under our noses.

There is so much symbolism.

Dedicate your heart to what? has been Levi’s question recently. What are they all fighting for? What is he fighting for? How will he give meaning to his dead comrades sacrifices? Is killing Zeke really the extent of it? Is vengeance the true meaning of their sacrifices? Or is it something a lot more hopeful?

The answer is shown to us in the opening credits. And the ending credits. Several times. 

Levi says so himself - he keeps messing fulfilling the vow up - why? Why is he so worried about killing Zeke? 

Eren has the same questions to consider. Which PATH is the right one to take - revenge and violence with the rumbling, or love ... with Mikasa. We are literally shown what their choices will be in two virtually identically designed panels, which I’ll show you. Tragically, Eren’s choice is taken from him. He is a victim to the story - he must chose the path that saves humanity. Levi and Eren have been bound together through the theme of choices, and taking the ones which leave you with the least regrets, throughout this entire manga.

The upcoming anime episodes literally plot out the timeline of Levi and Historia’s changing attitude to one another, and then Historia’s pregnancy, it’s just so cleverly subtle. Isayama even tells us when/ during what event her child was probably conceived by just dropping dates in from other, seemingly unrelated plot lines.

Zeke gives pointed comments to Levi constantly - every other line of his is either a different jab at Levi about Historia’s pregnancy, a veiled question, or a reminder that he’s under the pressure of a 10 month time limit to do something about him, or Historia will have to eat him once she’s given birth. We start to see Levi unravel because of this, and make mistakes over and over.

It’s in official art. It’s in the soundtrack. Its in music videos. There’s interviews from Isayama that, when read in light of these ideas, suddenly take on a whole new meaning.

Isayama even trolls us. He’s laughing in our faces, the madman. Like, gotchu 🤣 suckers. While we’re all on Reddit and Twitter like, ‘Levi’s character has become so stagnated! He’s making such poor choices or not giving anything to the plot at all. All that’s left for him now is to give up and die! Be at peace, your story is over.’ OOF. Or, ‘Historia has just been forgotten! She’s become such a pointless character. Isayama just got bored with her and sidelined her.’

I’m going to try and write stuff up in the rough categories below, but these might change. I’ll link them when I’m done, and then pin this post. I’m a bit of a rambler so heads up - this may take a while 😅

There’s also a ton of people I have to mention who have contributed to this - I didn’t spot it by myself. I’ll tag them in the finished post too.

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 1

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 2

Historia and Levi’s Miscalculation: A manga tale featuring the Jaeger Bros., Pt. 3

Ackerman-Royal Bloodline and Levi’s Choice Pt. 1

Levi’s Choice Pt. 2

Suns, Moons and Songs

Akatsuki No Requiem - Right theory, Wrong guy

The Farmer and The Cattle Farming Goddess, or WHAT’S IN A NAME.

Mistakes of our parents and breaking the cycle

Memories from the future & Levi’s Guilt

Watch this space. And hold on to your pants. If I’m right, I’m getting very drunk.

[seijojoh]

What is this? | S. Tomura

Pairing: Shigaraki x Fem! Reader

Synopsis: Shigaraki realizes his personal feelings for you, finally. At first, he is terrified. Someone with his quirk isn’t possibly fit for love,,, right?

Warnings: a bit of angst here, a few curse words there!  A/N: Idea was taken from a friend off of discord, so enjoy the first post on this tumblr blog! Also, to give a bit of clarification, Shiggy’s quirk is still effective against the reader and highly dangerous! Caution is needed for both parties. 

Also I apologize of Tomura seems a bit ooc for this, I just kind of changed his personality a bit as I went because THIS IS HELLA SELF INDULGENT! <3

Enjoy! This was not proofread lolol

There are no manga spoilers, but there are a few S1-S2 spoilers if you have not watched the anime yet!

Shigaraki felt stupid. Dense, ignorant, absolutely mindless!

Why did it take him so long to realize how absolutely captivating you are? The way your smile seems to brush away the storm clouds that used to follow him everywhere he went. You were so gentle, so kind, so... good. Part of him was concerned why you followed him and the league. The potential you hold is incredibly high and he was happy he acknowledged it the first day you walked into the dingy bar. It was only a day after he kicked out Dabi and Toga for a much needed contemplation. Giran introduced you to him and the moment the overworked leader laid his beady red eyes on you, he knew you were worthy.

Granted, it did not show - at least he hoped not. Father was still on his face, blocking out his features from the crowd in front of him. He studied you carefully as you explained your reasoning for joining, and much to his surprise you were there for him and not Stain or his master. You claimed you had high hopes for the League of Villains and would follow him anywhere.

Although he did not audibly voice his thoughts, he simply nodded once and told Giran to show you out. You were confused of course, but assumed he did not want you there after all. Part of you panicked and worried that your request to join was denied, that was until he told you that he will be in contact.

That was seven months ago. Seven months of pure confusion and absolute torture. In that time, he was overwhelmed by his own injuries sustained from the USJ attack, the failed Nomu experiments and his master finally being taken into custody. While he worried and thought over the future of the league, you were always there to offer him help, whether it was a few words of advice, a lending ear, or a head pat (he swears he hates them, and does threaten to disintegrate your entire arm for touching it - yet, he cannot help but relax at the feel). 

Either way, he believed you were a plague in his mind that needed to be taken care of. By the time he sought out Kurogiri for guidance, the personal taxi for the LOV informed Tomura that he may have growing romantic feelings towards you. 

Shigaraki only scoffed and slammed his unfinished glass of scotch on the bar before getting up and storming out of the space. Pfft, what was he talking about? Shigaraki and feelings don’t mix. He was a firm believer that they clouded judgement and with that, he could not carefully plan out the future for his team. How the fuck can feelings help him plan out his plot to completely demolish hero society?! And another- wait, what are you doing? As he walked through the upper floor of the hide out, he saw you and a couple of the other LOV members sitting on the dingy couch. The same one that has been left abandoned and sitting here for years, but everyone swears it’s the most comfortable thing on the planet. Regardless, he noticed that you, Dabi, Toga, Spinner and Compress were all seated on the thing, staring at the TV placed on the credenza. 

You were wedged between Dabi and Spinner, Dabi’s arm was thrown over the back of the couch, his fingers gently thrumming over the old material absentmindedly. Although he was not physically touching you, Tomura could not help the twinge of.... anger that started to grow in the pit of his stomach. You looked so comfortable next to him, too. Your thighs were properly rubbing against each other (only due to Dabi’s incessant need to man spread and take up a bit of the space you silently needed), as well as your sides. It looked as if he was cuddling you and you did not seem to mind. Granted, he knows your particular love for physical affection but, out of all people? Dabi? Really?

Why was this asshole so close to you? I don’t like it. Should he dust his ass and be rid of him once and for all?!

Of course, you noticed his anger radiating off of his body in waves by the door. You turned your head in his direction and gave him a warm smile.

“Hey, we’re watching a few movies. Come join us!” You offered with the sweetest smile, back straightening in effort. The others caught onto their leader by the door, all of them sitting in quiet anticipation for what Shiggy might do. 

He felt awkward, anxious if you will. Never before did he have all of these eyes staring at him, waiting for a response no less. Damn you, look what you have done now! Now his heart is racing, a pink color spreading from his cheeks to the base of his neck. What the fuck is happening to him? And why the fuck isn’t Father on his face?

With a scoff, he mumbled a quick “no” before turning back around and heading to a space where he knew he could not get pissed off easily. 

Why does he feel this way? In his silent march back to his room, he kept replaying the beautiful smile that graced your lips. It made his heart flutter seeing it, reminding him of an innocent time that felt like it was lifetimes ago. Or the interest that sparked in your eyes as you noticed him for the first time. It was as if you were a small child, seeing a wonder for the first time. Every bit of attention you showed to this man did not go unmissed whatsoever.

In fact, he craved those little reactions, especially when he was feeling particularly overworked or just pissed off by everything something. Now he’s done it and practically shot down your innocent request just because he saw a burnt chicken sitting next to you as if you two were casual lovers. No, he should be the only one close to you like that. 

Your attention should be on him while you were comfortable at his side as he plays different rounds on his video games. Maybe you can sneak in a praise or two on how well he’s doing, or how cool his avatar looks, yanno? A movie could hardly do the trick in entertaining you in the ways he could. You only needed him....

And he only needed you.....

“Fuck,” he said once he shut the door to his room.

~

A few days after his silent revelation, Shigaraki has been characteristically quiet,,, but times 100. He hardly gets angry to the stupid shit Spinner spits out. Sometimes he’ll full out ignore the sly comments Dabi makes about upcoming missions. It was not like him and everyone knew it.

You seemed to have it worse. Every time you made a move to converse with him, he seemed to send you a hard glare that kept you away. Normally you can get past an occasional scowl or scoff sent in your direction, but the eyes he looked at you were filled with pure annoyance. It made you wonder if you are the cause of his anger. Did you say something unwarranted before? Was the progress made not sufficient enough for the singular leader? What?

The root of his anger was within himself, moreso his quirk. The strong effectiveness of destroying everything he touches pissed him off to no extent. Has he no control whatsoever? 

He was always careful, always keeping a pinkie finger or thumb raised on an object to keep it from being destroyed. Kurogiri suggested he purchased gloves with a few fingers cut out to allow him the ability to use his full hand, but that wasn’t enough for the man. He wanted, no needed, to use his full hand.

His private training started with little things: a napkin from the bar, a random door stopper found in the hallway, even a broken lamp found in the back alleyway of the hideout. He’d sit there and concentrate on his quirk, pleading with his own cells to turn off his quirk, even for a few seconds. By the time his digits would touch the objects, they’d all crumble mere moments later. To say he was irritated was an understatement. 

He’d concentrate on absolutely fuck all onto for his quirk to activate without much effort. Was he doomed to ruin everything he touched? Is this punishment for past crimes Tomura committed in another life? 

What’s the point of having a quirk that absolutely wrecks everything he touches? 

Staring at the small pile of ash on the floor (formerly known as an old bar-stool and an empty bottle of bleach), he knew this was your fate if these feelings persisted. Not being able to provide the physical contact he knew you’d love and he so desperately needed. 

Tomura never touched anyone that he liked. Hell, up until recently, he didn’t know he liked you. His touches often resulted in people getting erased and the cold sensations that would run through his spine whenever he did would leave him empty. He wanted things to be different, only because he knew you were different. 

You deserved something better, not.... this. 

Frustrated, Tomura grunted softly and picked up the empty plate he was getting ready to practice on next. With his pinkie raised, he gripped the ceramic item and threw it directly into the nearest wall. What he failed to notice was the chipped corner with sharp edges on the plate, and it effectively left a nasty cut in the space between his pinkie and ring finger.

Passing by, you heard the commotion coming from Shigaraki’s room. With a frown you knocked on the door. “Shigaraki? What’s going on in there?” There was a heavy amount of concern in your voice.

Shit.

He decided not to answer, hoping his silence coupled with his shitty attitude from the last few days would be enough to send you away. But, it didn’t.

“Hey, I’m coming in, okay?” You announced, barging into a space you knew you were not allowed in. He watched with wide eyes as you scanned the event in front of you. There was an unmissable pile of ash by his feet, a dent from which he tossed the plate as well as its shards scattered across the form. When her eyes landed on his form, she took notice of his his bleeding hand being cradled to his chest. “Here, allow me-”

“Go away, scram. I don’t need you here,” Shigaraki turned away stubbornly, walking stomping angrily to his desk in search for some form of napkin to soak up all the blood on his hand. He did not hear you walk up behind him, hand on his shoulder as a sign of your stubbornness.

“You’re bleeding,” you announced as if it was the most obvious thing on the planet. As you crossed around him, you reached forward to take his hand but he recoiled away. 

“What the fuck are you doing? Do you have a death wish?” He angrily snarled, taking a step back. With a huff, you pressed forward, still reaching for him.

“I’ll be fine. Just let me help,” your tone was soft and reassuring, which hardly helped in Tomura’s case. The hell were you thinking? If you carelessly grab him like that then surely you would crumble before him. Is breathing becoming too much of a hassle for you, or- 

Oh.

In the midst of Tomura’s silent panic, he felt the warmth of your hand cover his, your the backs of your hand gently rubbing over his in his attempt to curl his fingers. He was silently glad that he was wearing Father on his face, or you would see the insane blush washing over his cheeks; however he knew you could sense his complete and utter surprise. You were touching him... and it wasn’t a head pat.

No, this was an intimate skin to skin contact, your warmth contrasting his icy cold ones. On top of the warmth, he took note of how much softer your hands were against his rough textured ones, bringing him back to a time where he knew of what home felt like. A period in his life where he did not carry a heavy burden or the people around him look to him for all of the answers, no.

He just stared at you silent shock, his red eyes still blown wide.

“I’m okay, see. Nothing to worry about, okay?” Your voice was soft, lulling him to a much more calm state. “I’ll be careful with your fingers. I’ll just patch up the cut,” and there goes that damned smile. Whenever it was directed at him, he knew he lost the internal battle before it even began. It was just your effect on him.

He only nodded, tentatively watching the space where your hands were touching to commit this moment into memory and to make sure he did not accidentally touch you. With his green light, you were quick to jump to his aid, using whatever he had in his office to get the cut to stop bleeding and to patch it up with a band-aid.

“There we go,” you turned his hand over in your palm, fingers ghosting over the rough texture of them. He stared at you with an incredulous expression, ready to promptly kick you out but you beat him to it. “While I don’t have your quirk, I can understand it may seem like a bogus one to have. I don’t know what it’s like to constantly be on alert from something like that, but I have confidence that you will use it to lead us to greatness.”

There you go, saying cute and motivational shit again, boosting his ego and giving him words of affirmation. How the hell should he respond to that?

In his moments of silence, your smile did not falter once. You looked at him with so much adoration and care, Tomura could not help the rise in his heart race as you stared at him like that.

Without saying anything, Tomura lifted his non bruised hand (now wiped clean from the dripping blood from earlier), and used his knuckles to stroke the softness of your cheek. You did not flinch away once, instead leaning further into his touch, no matter how soft the action was. 

Even though he knew he could not touch you in the way he wanted, he found this small action of endearment to be just as effective. It burned away all of the negative emotions he has been harboring recently, leaving comfort in its wake. The sentiment surely pleased you seeing as though you were closer than before, your chest nearly pressed into his.

Maybe this physical affection thing can work out with him after all. ~

[wholesomemendes]

Meet The Parents

Mendes Triplets Au (Peter Mendes)

Summary: After a small slip up at the Mendes’ family dinner one night, Peter decides it’s about time that he brought you home to his parents.

Author’s Note: This is part of the Your Teddy Bear universe (the fic is linked here) but it can also be read on it’s own. You might appreciate some of the time stamps and wording better if you have read my other fic already, but it is still adorable and fluffy if you didn’t read it and it will still make sense. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did rereading it and as always please leave me some feedback, I love hearing what you guys have to say!

The mouthwatering smell of dinner filled the home of the Mendes family, the six of them all taking their respective seats at the kitchen table. The triplets had all decided that it was time they came home from college for a weekend, all of them wanting to watch another one of Aaliyah’s hockey games and have their mother’s home cooked meals.

“So Shawn, how are things going with Ellie?” Shawn’s face lit up at the thought of his girlfriend and he swallowed his food before responding to his mother.

“Absolutely amazing. We finally went out to dinner this week because with my hockey practices and her work schedule, and school of course, it’s been really hard to get together. But I mean it always gets tricky around hockey season and we both know it, it’s been over a year which is crazy. She’s incredible though and things are going really well.”

“That’s great to hear. Why don’t you bring her up for dinner soon? We haven’t seen her in forever,” their mother beamed, their father sharing an approving look next to her.

“Yeah, I’ll talk to her, I’d bet she’d love that,” Shawn replies, not even thinking before he’s nudging his brother that’s seated next to him, “Peter, you should bring Y/n, too.”

The once energy filled room turned silent, both of their parents' mouths hung wide open while Aaliyah looked at the youngest triplet skeptically. Suddenly incredibly interested in his food, Peter began pushing the meat on his plate around, head dropping to hide the nervous blush on his cheeks.

“Um, Peter is um,” Karen cleared her throat, trying to find the right words when she knew her son was panicking on the inside, “Is this Y/n your, um, your girlfriend?”

Peter’s face burned brighter at his mother’s words. “Shit dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about it,” Shawn whispered, guilt eating him up inside over exposing his brother’s relationship.

“It’s ok,” Peter whispered before lifting his head up to meet his parents' confused stares. “Yeah, um, she’s my girlfriend. But it’s only been like 4 months so…”

“4 months?!”

“Karen, let the poor boy talk,” Manny sighed, noticing the anxious look in Peter’s eyes.

“Damn, Pete. I’ve never even seen you talk to a girl.”

“Aaliyah, stop. Now how about you tell us a little about her, son.”

“Oh um,” Peter cleared his throat, running his sweaty palms along his jean covered thighs, “Well she’s really nice and extremely beautiful. Um, she’s funny, too. I don’t really-I don’t really know what else to say.” He let out a nervous chuckle, heart racing inside of his chest.

“I think it’s wonderful that you have a girlfriend, Peter,” his mother told him softly, heart bursting with joy that her bashful son had found someone of his own, “How did the two of you meet?”

If it was possible for Peter���s cheeks to get any redder, they would have as he mumbled out his response, “At a party.”

Aaliyah scoffed at her brother’s response, “He’s making this up. There’s no way she’s real.”

“Aaliyah!”

“What? You’re trying to tell me that first, Peter, PETER, goes to a party? Since when does that happen? And then second of all, he talks to a girl there? So in one night he managed to not only go to a party, but also score a girlfriend? I find that hard to believe.”

“I didn’t want to go to the party, Raul and Shawn dragged me there,” Peter muttered, “Besides, she approached me, it wasn’t like I went up to her.”

“See, I don’t believe that either.”

“He’s telling the truth,” Raul chimed in, swallowing a large piece of steak before continuing, “She’s hot, too. Unlike all the nerds in his classes.”

“Raul, be nice,” his mother warns, sending a disapproving mom glance his way causing him to raise his hands up in surrender. “Well, Peter I think I speak for all of us when we say we’d love to meet her. That is if you feel comfortable with it.”

“I’ll talk to her, it’s just- I don’t want her to be uncomfortable at all. We haven’t talked about meeting each other’s parents yet and it’s the most serious relationship I’ve ever been in, I don’t want to mess anything up. Especially not with her.”

“We understand. No pressure at all, just talk to her.” Peter nods with a small smile on his face, relieved when his father begins to ask Raul about his love life.

“You know, nothing serious right now, just a couple dates here and there.”

“There’s really no one you’re interested in right now?”

“Oh, I’m interested in a lot of girls right now, but I doubt anything serious will come out of it. I’m just not really looking for a relationship at the moment.”

Aaliyah lets out a little snort of laughter at Raul’s words, “Stay safe. I’m not ready to be an aunt yet.”

“Aaliyah!” _______________

The commotion from the rest of the family in the living room could be heard from the kitchen where Peter and his mother were cleaning up dinner. Peter had always been a momma’s boy, so it was no surprise when he offered to help her with the dishes. “So, do you want to tell me more about this girlfriend of yours?”

Karen watches as her son turns a bright shade of pink, but also doesn’t miss the hint of something other than nerves in his eyes. “I, um, what do you want to know?”

She places a comforting hand on his upper back, knowing the wheels are spinning inside of that intelligent head of his, “Whatever you want to tell me. Or if you don’t want to tell me anything at all that’s ok, too.”

“Well, she’s so different than me, Mom.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, no not at all,” he smiles at the thought of his girlfriend, knowing that she’s probably munching on some random takeout she ordered while watching netflix as he speaks, “She’s extremely outgoing and is really well known around school, but not in a bad way. She’s just so social that everyone seems to know her. Her personality just evens me out, you know? Like she helps me get out of my comfort zone sometimes, little by little, and she’s always there next to me every step of the way. And she has this soft side that I’ve only seen her use around me. It makes me feel special, Mom. No girl has ever thought of me as anything other than Shawn and Raul’s brother. Then she comes around, takes one look at me and starts a full on conversation with me. And I’ll be honest I had a secret crush on her before we had even met, but how could I not? She’s just-she’s incredible, I don’t know.” He shakes his head with that lovesick grin on his face, Karen’s heart growing over how fondly her boy was talking about this girl that was obviously incredibly important in his life.

“Have you told her yet?” she asks cautiously, not wanting to overstep if he hadn’t even admitted it to himself.

“Told her what?”

“That you love her?”

“Oh, um, yeah actually. Just last week.” Karen’s smile grows even wider as she brings Peter into her arms, his head automatically coming to rest in the crook over her neck.

“Peter, I’m so happy for you. You know I would love to meet her, but if you don’t think either of you are ready for that, that’s perfectly fine, too.”

“Thanks, Mom,” he sighed, melting more into his mother’s embrace even though he towered over her by at least half a foot. “I’ll talk to her about it, but I’m scared. I’ve never brought a girl home before and I don’t want to do anything stupid.”

“You brought a girl home for dinner before? Oh what was her name, was it Jasmine?”

Peter groaned, releasing his mother from his grasp, “I was only a sophomore in high school, that doesn’t count. Besides, we only dated for like 2 months or something, I don’t even think it was that long.”

“Still, you have nothing to worry about, I’m sure she’d love to come,” Karen assured him as she placed a light kiss to his cheek before turning back to the dishes.

“I know, it’s just, I love her. I’ve never loved anyone like this before and it’s frightening. For one of the first times in my life I don’t know what to do and I can’t come up with a logical answer behind it.”

“You’ve gotta stop thinking with that brilliant head of yours and start thinking with this-” she stabs his chest lightly with the tip of her finger- “This is what will get you far with that girl, ok? You’ve got the kindest heart of anyone I know, Peter, and I have a feeling Y/n sees that, too. Just talk to her and if it helps, invite her over when Shawn brings Ellie, maybe it’d make her feel better. But talk to her, see what she needs.”

“Ok I will. I love you Mom, thank you.”

“I love you, too Peter, but it seems like I’ve got to share your love with someone else now. And I couldn’t be happier about it.” _______________

“What are you doing next weekend?” You look over at Peter from where you were finishing your nightly routine in the bathroom, seeing him staring up at you with hopeful eyes while laying on his bed.

“I don’t know, I don’t think anything. Why, what’s up?” you asked as you shut the light off in the bathroom before making your way towards your handsome boyfriend. Sitting on the edge of the bed, you turned to face him, running your fingers through his hair enough to make him lean into your touch. “It’s nothing, I mean it’s something, but it’s not that big of a deal, unless you think it’s a big deal then I guess…”

“Peter,” you chuckled, watching his frightened eyes look up at you, “Take a deep breath. There’s no need to worry, you can talk to me about anything.”

“I know, it’s just…” he paused, not knowing how to actually bring it up. He wondered how pathetic you would think he was when you found out he was worrying himself over asking you to meet his parents, “It’s just, my parents want to meet you.”

“Oh, they do?” You’d be lying if you said your heart rate didn’t increase a little bit at his words. You obviously had met a boyfriend’s parents before, but that didn’t make it any less nerve wracking, especially because this was Peter’s parents you were talking about, the people who gave birth to the only person you had ever proclaimed your love to outside of your family. You may have won over the hearts of his brothers, but if you didn’t win over the hearts of his parents as well, you didn’t know what you’d do.

“Yeah, um, Shawn might have accidentally brought you up when we visited them two weeks ago and they seemed really excited to meet you. My mom especially, she invited you to dinner right after hearing about you. If you don’t want to go it’s fine, I don’t know if it’s too early or anything but…”

You shut his ramble up with a kiss on his lips, hovering over his body slightly to reach him. “I’d love to meet your parents bubs,” you mumbled against his lips, watching a wide grin form on his face when you pulled away.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You could feel his heart beating frantically under his t-shirt and you knew that even though your heart was beating equally as fast, you had to be the calm one in the relationship unless you wanted him to have a heart attack. Swinging a leg over his body, you straddled his waist, causing his breath to hitch in his throat. A smirk formed on your face as you leaned in to place a string of gentle kisses onto the base of his collarbones leading up to his jaw, wanting nothing more than to spend time with your boyfriend, who looked especially hot in his grey sweatpants tonight, rather than worrying about screwing everything up with his parents.

“Mom said, um,” Peter’s words were caught in his throat as his brain began to fog up from the way your lips felt on him, his breathing beginning to quicken for a completely different reason then before, “She said you can, you can come to dinner with Shawn’s girlfriend if you-shit- if you don’t want to go alone.”

“I’m a big girl, I can go alone,” you muttered into his neck, beginning to suck hard enough on the soft skin on his neck that you knew it would leave a mark in the morning. His hands that had been basically frozen at his sides all night found purchase on your hips from your actions, a satisfied smirk growing larger on your face as a result. You brought a hand to rest on his chest, feeling his quick heartbeat under your palm while you pulled away from his neck to look into his wide eyes, “Pete, your heart’s racing.”

“Yeah, it kinda does that when I’m around you,” he whispered, averting your gaze in an attempt to hide his blushing cheeks. It was crazy how your mood could go from wanting to kiss every inch of him and leave marks behind in every place, to wanting to hug the shit out of him and squish his cheeks. So that’s exactly what you did. You laid your body on top of his, wrapping your arms around his neck as you inhaled his signature scent, “I love you so much, Peter Mendes.”

Peter wasted no time collecting you in his strong arms, pulling the blanket up to cover the two of you. “I love you too, angel. So-” he emphasized each word with a kiss on your head- “so, so much.”

Your heart burst at his words and you cuddled tighter into his warmth, “Let’s talk more in the morning, ok? But there is no doubt in my mind that I want to meet the people that created my favorite person.”

“You’re amazing, how’d I get so lucky?” he mumbled into your hair, “I already know they are going to love you as much as I do.” _______________

“Peter calm down, you’re more nervous than I am,” you laughed, placing your hand on his jittering leg. He averted his eyes quickly from the road to look at you and you could see the fear bubbling inside of them. “Bubs, what’s got you so worried? Do you not think they’ll like me?”

Moving one of his hands from where it was fidgeting against the steering wheel, he placed it over yours on his thigh, rubbing soothing circles onto your skin. “No, that’s not it at all, angel. They’re going to love you so much, there’s no fear in my mind about that. It’s just,” he sighed, squeezing your hand lovingly, “I’ve never taken a girl home before. I mean I did once when I was a sophomore in high school, but it wasn’t anything serious so it doesn’t feel the same. I just don’t know what to expect because I’m really serious about this, about us.”

“I don’t know what to expect either and that’s ok. Everything is going to be fine.” You brought his hand up to your lips and a smile graced his face at your actions. “And Peter...I’m very serious about this, too. I think now was the right time to take the next step for us.”

“I love you,” he whispered, eyes tearing away from the road for a slight moment to look you in the eyes.

“I love you too, bubs.” _______________

“Ok, ok, this is fine. We’re fine.”

“Peter, breathe. It’s going to be-”

“Peter! I’m so glad you made it,” Karen exclaimed, wrapping her son up in her arms. You stayed to the back, not wanting to interrupt their tender mother-son moment. You saw Karen whisper something into your boyfriend’s ear, allowing you to take a deep breath to calm your nerves before they broke apart. When the two separated, she turned to you with a wide smile on her face, “You, my dear, must be Y/n! It’s so nice to finally meet you!” You returned the smile immediately, offering a hand for her to shake, but she dodged it completely, choosing to bring you in for a hug just as she did with Peter.

It was strange how comforting it felt to be with her, you had known her for all of one minute and you already felt calmer in her grasp. Must be her special mom talent, “Thank you for having me tonight, Mrs. Mendes.”

“Oh please, no need for formalities. Call me Karen. Now why don’t the two of you come on in, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.” Karen ushered the two of you inside and you were met with one of the most delicious smelling scents you ever had the pleasure of smelling. It was very clear that Peter got his cooking skills from his mother, even if you didn’t know his father’s cooking this scent easily mimicked one you’d find in the boy’s apartment.

“Hey son,” Manny greeted, pulling Peter in for a hug just as his mother did, “When are your brothers getting here?”

“They were right behind us when we were driving down. I assume they’ll be here in a couple minutes.”

“Perfect, just in time for dinner.” His father patted his shoulder lovingly before moving to face you, “Y/n right? I’m Manny, Peter’s father.”

He enveloped you in a hug as well and you could see the loving personality Peter had in both of his parents. “It’s so nice to meet you, thank you for letting me join you for dinner,” you smiled, watching Manny’s eyes crinkle beneath his glasses.

“Of course, I must say we’ve all been looking forward to meeting you. Peter has said some great things about you.”

“Dad…” Peter whined as he came closer to you, wrapping an arm around your waist, “She doesn’t need to know.”

“Oh stop worrying, like I said, all good things.” With one last smile, Manny left the two of you, choosing to head towards the door where Shawn and Raul had just loudly made themselves known instead.

“Hey, we’re here!” You immediately recognized the voice as Shawn’s and for some reason, knowing that the two other triplets were here brought you a sense of comfort. Suddenly, you felt an arm sling around your shoulders, lightly bringing you into a playful chokehold, causing you to jump slightly from the fright. “Welcome to dinner at the Mendes’ house, newbie,” a husky voice whispered in your ear and you rolled your eyes, slapping the arm around you hard enough to make them release it without hurting them.

“Get out of here, Raul.”

Raul held his arm gingerly, a smug smirk on his face, “Hey, I’m a Mendes, you can’t kick me out. You on the other hand better watch it, missy, and stop injuring family members, you don’t have the superior last name to keep you safe.”

“Raul, stop.” You could tell by the sternness in your boyfriend’s voice that he was trying to assert some form of dominance over his slightly older brother as he pulled you tighter to his body, but Peter’s soft boy persona didn’t put a dent in Raul’s smirk.

“Hey, it’s your girlfriend you’ve got to control. She’s in the house for all of five minutes and she’s already breaking my arm.”

“Please, I barely touched you. I feel bad for all of the girls you’ve been with if your body is so fragile.”

“Damn, dishing it right back. I always knew you had a keeper, Pete.” Raul ruffled the curls on Peter’s head as the younger triplet tried to swat his hand away. Pleased with his work, Raul stepped away, shooting a teasing grin both of your ways before heading off to pester his poor mother. Peter sighed, scrunching up his glasses higher up his nose as he desperately tried to fix the mess of curls on his head to no avail.

“Come here,” you cooed, soft hands replacing his own on his head. Running your fingers gently through his hair a couple of times, you smiled to yourself when you felt his hands go instinctively to your hips, applying such little pressure that you wouldn’t have known they were there if you hadn’t already trained your body to sense Peter’s light touches. “I hope winning over your parents is as easy as winning over your brothers,” you whispered as you placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

He blushed from your touch, leaning slightly into your hands that were placed delicately on his jaw, “I already know they love you. I can see it in their eyes.”

“And I love you.” You placed one last kiss on the tip of his nose as his mother announced that dinner was ready before heading towards the kitchen to offer your help. Peter watched from his seat at the table while you carried in dishes with his mother, his younger sister coming downstairs and following suit to grab some plates. He was typically the one that helped his mother, but when he saw you head over there on your own, he figured he should take a small step back and let you replace his help for a night.

Dinner went by without a hitch, both of his parents asking you basic questions about school, your interests, and your hobbies as you all ate. You were sat between Peter and Shawn, your boyfriend’s hand intertwined with yours under the table at all times. This caused a few comical moments when he would be so focused on what you were saying that his nondominant hand he was using to eat with would completely miss his mouth, but the embarrassment was short lived once you squeezed his hand reassuringly with a loving smile on your face. Karen and Manny absolutely adored you. They saw the way Peter looked at you and you returned that look every time, telling them everything they needed to know about the two of you without either of you uttering a single word. Aaliyah was more interested in what mascara you used (she claimed hers was always drying out and getting clumpy and apparently you had the greatest eyelashes she had ever seen) than how her brother was looking at you, but you were grateful all the same that she was comfortable enough to talk to you.

As the plates became bare on the table, the boys began to stand up to make their way towards the couch to pick a movie as they always did when they came back home. You stood up alongside Karen, moving to grab some plates before Peter grabbed your wrist to stop you, “It’s ok, angel, I always help Mom with the dishes. You can go pick out a movie with Raul and Shawn if you want to.”

You shook his hand off lightly, offering him a reassuring smile, “I’m fine. I’m more than happy to help.”

“But-”

“Peter, why don’t you go with your brothers. Y/n and I can have some nice girl talk while we clean up,” Karen suggested as she took some plates to the sink, leaving the two of them alone.

“Are you sure, angel? I do it every time it’s not a problem-”

“Bubs, it’s ok, I want to help. Go, I’ll meet you in there when we’re done.” You kissed the curls on top of his head before picking up more dishes on the table.

You and Karen cleaned in silence for a few moments, only speaking when she told you her preferred way of cleaning, until she spoke up, “You know it’s so wonderful that you were able to come out tonight. I’ve been wanting to meet you since he first told me about you at our last dinner.” “I’m so glad I could come. Thank you for dinner, it was so delicious, I know where Peter gets his cooking skills from,” you laughed, earning a sincere chuckle to leave Karen’s lips as well.

“Yeah, well I’m lucky one of them can cook. I don’t know how they’d live if that boy couldn’t make his way around the kitchen. Those other two troublemakers are hopeless,” she sighed with a disapproving shake of her head.

“You’re telling me, one time when I came over Raul almost burned down the place just trying to make pancakes.”

“Oh those boys, they are a handful aren’t they.”

“They are, but in the best way possible. You can tell they were raised right, they are some of the best people I’ve ever met.”

“Well thank you, I tried. Imagine trying to run after three little gremlins, that was my life 24/7 when they were kids.” You grinned at the thought of three little boys, all with an identical mop of curls on their head that bounced around while they ran away giggling from their worried mother. “Peter was always the calmer of the bunch though, always a big momma’s boy. I’m just so happy that he’s found someone like you.”

“I’m so happy to have found him. I honestly don’t think I deserve him sometimes, he’s just such a beautiful soul.” Your eyes found their way to your handsome boyfriend on the loveseat in the living room, head thrown back in laughter over something his brother had said. You admired the way his nose scrunched up when he smiled and the crease lines on his cheeks from his evident happiness.

“Don’t sell yourself short, honey. I may not have known you long, but just by talking to you tonight and the way Peter has talked so highly about you, I can tell you’re a wonderful person as well. And you know what they say, a mother’s intuition never lies.” Her focus went back to the dishes for a moment as she pondered her next words carefully, “You know, even though I never told anyone this, I always had a slight fear that Peter wouldn’t be able to experience young love like his brother’s have.”

You paused your movements for a moment, your attention fully on her now, “What made you think that?”

“Well, Peter has always had his goals set straight. It was always school and grades and a job, which is wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but he never let himself stray from that path even if it meant he could be happier. He never had the courage to talk to a girl either, he’s always been my shy little boy, and I don’t know. I was just worried that he might be too in his head to let himself be open with someone like he is with you.”

Tears were beginning to well in your eyes at her words and you quietly sniffled to yourself to try to tame the emotions that were threatening to spill from your chest, “That means a lot to me that Peter chose to open up to me. I haven’t prioritized dating either since I’ve been in college, so we’re learning together, but I’m willing to take whatever he will give me. I think very highly of your son and I’m very serious about this with him.”

“That’s all I could ask for,” she told you sincerely, placing the last clean dish in the cupboard before bringing you in for a tight hug, “I know the two of you haven’t been dating awfully long, but you are always welcome to come over for dinner. We’d all love to have such a kind hearted person at our table.”

“Thank you, I truly can’t thank you enough.”

“No need to thank me. I should be thanking you for bringing so much joy to my son.” She pulled away with a smile as she motioned to the living room, “Now let’s go see what those troublemakers are up to.”

Upon approaching the boys, Peter’s eyes immediately caught yours and he motioned for you to join him, lifting the blanket so you could snuggle up next to him. “How’d it go in there?’ he asked, hand coming up to play with your fingers, “Did she scare you away yet?”

“No,” you laughed lightly, “She definitely didn’t scare me away. I don’t plan on going anywhere for a long time. You’re stuck with me, loser.”

“I don’t know, being stuck with you? Sounds to me like I’m a winner.” He brought your hand up to his lips, placing a light kiss before wrapping his arm around your shoulders to pull you into him. The loud chatter of voices came to a minimum as Manny pressed play and you couldn’t help but think about how lucky you were to be welcomed into the Mendes household.

[bucky-iss-bae]

My Girl (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

A/N: I started writing this at 11.30pm and its now 12.50am, I accidently wrote it. it was supposed to be a drabble, but it turned out to be more than that. Sorryyyy. 

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (AU) 

Fandom: MCU/Marvel

Prompts: “Love is Stupid” – “Take my Jacket, its cold outside” – “I’ll walk you home” “Don’t look at me like that” 

Warnings: Possesiveness?? The slightest bit of smut that its actually incredibly tame. Also 100 spelling and grammer mistakes bc this is a rush job. 

Word count: 2075 (Sorry, I can’t write drabbles for shit lmao)

Masterlist 

Fandom list

Growing up and turning into adults with such a big group of friends meant weekly linkups at your local bar had slowly turned into fortnight linkups, and that slowly turned into only a few people turning up, and everyone hanging out properly probably once a month.

Some were starting families like Stark, or already had a family like Barton. Others were slowly getting into relationships, and only a few of you were single.

It was weird being single and watching everyone else fall in love, grow families, considering that you guys had been friends since high school, or for some since pre-school. It was weird watching some of your friends get into relationships with one another, or with others. Seeing Peggy and Steves relationship grow was a beautiful one, she was one of the strongest women you knew, even in high school, no one ever messed with her. Along with Buck and the rest of you, no one dared to mess with Steve before he hit puberty and ended up towering over everyone, and even being the star athlete in senior year.

The same went for Tony, some thought he would never settle down, but his heart always belonged to one person. Vision and Wanda had only recently gotten together, it was weird because they flirted and had always been there for one another, they had an unspoken bond. You were just scared that soon you would have to find a new roommate. It was difficult when Natasha had left, but being just the two of you, you got buy, you had good jobs and rent was fine, but you knew it would be a difficult process.

Only a few of you were single now, both you and Bucky, although you would gladly change that any day. James Buchanan Barnes. A man you had fancied for years. He was too blind to see it of course. Not that you showed it. The two of you constantly fought, but also joked, if anything you saw him and Sam the most, probably because the three of you were the single ones. There was Peter, but he was a few years younger, and even he had a girl.

Meeting up with everyone on Friday after everyone had finished work was weird, you were sat with Sam and Buck, not everyone could make it, but of course the three of you were ready to turn up. Although you hated seeing playboy Bucky, although those years were long gone.

“You good?” Bucky asked nudging your shoulder,

You grimaced, “I’m fab Buck. But like… Love is stupid” you said looking around at the lovey dovey couples,

He chuckled and smiled across at you, “Ahhh, it’s not that bad” He said, “Look at all those rom coms you watch. You call it cute then”  

“That’s because they are cute Buck, but now I want my friends” I whined, “But ok no, I want what they have” I said dropping the dumbest hints.

“I’m sure you’ll find someone soon, we just gotta make sure they’re good for you”

Bucky had a smirk on his face, “Don’t get all protective over me now Buck”

“Naww, I’m always protective over you” he said putting his arm around you and pulling you into his arms slightly, “You’re my best girl” He stated,

All you could do was smell his aftershave, over the years his smell had almost matured more and more, but it was sexy as hell. Whenever you stayed over at his and Sam’s place after a drunken night, you always ended up in one of Buckys hoodies, or tops, and the smell was just as intoxicating to you now as much as it is then.

“That’s sweet Buck, but it makes me feel like I’ll be single until I turn 35, after that, Sam and I made a pact when we were kids that if we’re both still single, that we’d just end up marrying one another”

Sam winked at me, “You got it, your present for your 35th birthday will be an engagement ring from yours truly”

Bucky tightened his grip around you, “Shame, Steve broke our pact like that. He’s got a girl and everything”

Steve overheard this and turned our way, “Still hurting over that huh, and to think, everyone thought you would’ve settled down first playboy”

“Still hurts that you left me like that Stevie”

Everyone laughed at that, but conversations carried on, Buckys arm had dropped down to your waist now instead, lingering there, although you acted like you couldn’t feel it, the whole time it’s all you could think about as it made your heart hammer in your chest.

Both Nat and Wanda had shared a glance before the both of them looking at you, Peggy also catching on quickly.

You rolled your eyes at how dramatic they were being but a smile still on your face, this happens often enough, the two of you don’t necessarily flirt, but you do, you want to believe there is chemistry there, the way he treats you, the way he plays with your hair, always makes sure you’ve eaten, makes sure you get home safely.

Everyone soon slowly started to disperse, Wanda told you that she would be staying the night with Vision which meant you had to walk back or grab a taxi to your place alone.

“I’ll walk you home” Bucky offered once Sam had managed to pull,

“I’ll be fine Buck” You smiled at him as you walked outside, the cold breeze hitting your face, making you realise how hot and stuffy that place can get,

“Like hell am I letting my girl wander around the city by herself at this time” He said putting his elbow out,

You intertwined your hand through his elbow, as the two of you started walking, “Tonight was nice, makes me miss everyone though” You mumbled leaning your head against his arm, you could feel his bicep, and you knew you would only be lucky to be wrapped up in this mans arms,

“Same, scary how everyone is starting families, and we’re just… here”

You chuckled at that, “Only a matter of time before Wan moved in with Vis”

“Yeah? Well whenever that happens, Steves room is still free” He grinned at you, “Then I’ll have my girl a lot closer” He always said this, always called you his girl but never acted on it. The only time he got close to acting on it was when you were being hit on by a random guy in the bar. He got possessive and attractively dangerous at certain times.

“Eugh, imagine living with boys full time” You joked trying to ignore the comments.  

He let out a loud laugh, “Oh, trust me it’ll be a big difference than living with Wanda and Nat”

“I’ve stayed there and I know, and it’s mostly me here anyway, at the moment I’m enjoying my peace and quiet, but also missing the commotion”

“Don’t blame you, at least it’s not a bad set of apartments around here”

You lived in a nice neighbourhood, especially considering New York rates, but you had a very well paid job, no family responsibilities, and put in your savings just as much as you spent on rent. You were fine.

“They’re very nice” You murmured with a small shiver,

Bucky had noticed this and as soon as he did, he stopped, “Shit, sorry Y/N, I promise I was raised better than this” He said,

You stared at him confused, wondering why he stopped but he soon gave you his jacket, you were in awe at the fact that he gave you his jacket,

“Bucky” You pouted, “Thank you” You wrapped yourself in his jacket, the smell of his cologne stronger than before, but so much warmer.

“Anything for you sugar, besides you look better in it than I do, I like you wearing my stuff” He murmured kissing your forehead,

The two of you carried on walking, mostly in silence, it was nice though. Times like this with Bucky meant the world to you.

“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours” He asked when you were only a block away from your apartment building,

You shook your head, “I just… like this” You said, “Spending time with you, it’s nice”

He smiled at that, his pearly whites on show, and his beautiful blue eyes twinkling, “I knew I was better company than Wilson”

You laughed at that, “I’m being serious Buck, you just… I don’t know. You make me feel safe and happy, even at 1am walking through the streets of New York”

“Good, because I’m always here to keep you safe” He said,

You stared up at him, so often, when he made comments like that it made you think, does he feel the way you do. Does he want to be with you as much as you want to be with him?

“You’ve got a dangerous look on your face there sugar.”

“No I don’t buck” you whispered before going into your apartment building, nodding at the doorman who also smiled at Buck,

“Yes you do” he said following you into the lift,

You couldn’t help but raise your eyebrows at him and crossing your arms across your chest, he always made fun of you for this but you couldn’t help it,

He tried to supress his smirk, “You look cute sugar, and what was that dangerous look for huh?”

It was just the two of you in the elevator, you didn’t expect him to come up with you,

“I don’t know Buck… like sometimes, sometimes you just make some comments or act a certain way and it makes me overthink. It’s stupid”

He didn’t say anything, instead he had an intense look on his face, his thinking face, although rarely was he this deep in thought, the elevator stopped on your floor and the two of you walked across the landing towards your door, he still hadn’t said anything as the two of you entered your apartment, you kicked your shoes off, and didn’t take Bucks Jacket off until you got to your room, Bucky Still following you.

He stared at your intently, “Don’t look at me like that” you grumbled taking his jacket off, missing the warmth it had and his smell and hanging it back to him, he threw the jacket on the bed before coming up to you, he seemed so much taller right now since you took your heels off, he brushed a strand of hair out of your face, still giving you the same look,

“You know, these last few years, I was hoping at some point you would realise why I’ve scared off any guy who comes near you. Why I’ve always been there to look out for you, making sure my fav girl knows she’s my only girl. But you just… you don’t see it. But I think you do. I know you do” He voice was so deep and low, turning you on slightly, he had a dark look in his eyes, but his blue eyes still piercing into you,

“Maybe youre the one whos not caught on Buck, come on, I’ve not cared about any other guy for years, especially when youre the only guy I can see” You whispered at him,

That’s all the conformation he needed before pinning you up against your bedroom door, you gasped at the strength and speed he had, a hand caressing your jaw slowly, before he pressed his lips against your own, you moaned at this he kept you pinned against the door. The kiss was rough but held all the passion your needed, he grabbed your wandering hands before holding them above your head in one place with one of his hands, the other grabbing your hip, pressing himself up against you, the kiss soon turned into kisses down your neck as he bit and sucked his way down,

“Buck” You moaned out feeling a small wetness between your thighs, shocked at the sudden pleasure, if you knew your body would react like this, you would’ve said something sooner, the pleasure this made caused you within seconds was more than any man had done before.

“You’re mine Y/N” He growled out, “You’re mine, and I’m going to make sure it takes more than just my cologne all over you for you to know that” He said before picking you up and throwing you on your bed before joining you.

The two of you making love in ways you didnt expect with him, not realising he felt the way you did, and him giving you want you wanted, no needed. 

A/N: Lol I’m so sorryyyy I’m trying to write more and moreeee. Hope you enjoy though, any requests send them my wayyyyyy 

[reversecreek]

pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her  | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her  )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace. 

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen. 

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus. 

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood. 

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

[regsteapott]

A Chapter From my book ‘Marked’ Tom Riddle on Wattpad and AO3 — Smut

Word Count: 3513

Tom continued trying to figure out the horcruxes. He had successfully made five now. Two to go...

His mind rushed with thoughts of Violet. Seeing her with someone else made him mad. Enraged even. But he couldn't show that he even slightly gave a fuck. Not when she was off snogging some other dude who barely even knew her.

Although he loved all the attention he was getting due to being single again. He found himself a new girl to fuck every night. But it never made him forget her, no matter how hard he tried. Every girl he hooked up with just reminded him how bad he wanted her back.

He never stayed the night though and never let them in his room unless he didnt feel like going anywhere else and he was desperate for sex.

It normally occurred when his mind wouldn't stop thinking of her. He hated himself everyday, but he learned to turn it off. The missing her, and the happiness he felt when he would spend every waking moment with her. And the loving her.

He did everything for her. He weakened himself for her. Now that she was gone he could finally focus on the task at hand, although he was only doing the whole horcrux thing for her. So he could spend eternity with her.

He fucked every girl that found an attraction to him, made him feel dominant. He loved it. It took his mind off of everything falling around him.

He learned to shut the emotions off. He didnt care who he had to hurt in order to just stop fucking feeling, even if it meant he hurt Violet in the process he didnt care.

He felt good watching her crumble as he fingered Amelia in front of her. Seeing the jealousy cloud her eyes and judgment. He loved to watch her hate him. Cause if she loved him, he would be even more vulnerable than she already made him.

But if anyone were to touch her the way he does. He would never hesitate to rip their heart out or snap their neck right in front of her without feeling a thing.

He knew what was best for her, and that was him. But she hated him, and he loved it.

He walked to the cabinet where Abraxas hid the alcohol. Pouring him self a glass of bourbon. Downing it with one gulp.

He walks into the common room and sees two Slytherin girls eyeing him down as he walks toward them. One was a spicy looking red head with pale freckled skin, who was dressed in a skirt that was way to short.

The other was a dirty blonde who was wearing almost an identical skirt, both were exposing far more skin than necessary.

They whispered each other, giggling and looking at Tom still approaching them.

"Hi Tom.." They said in unison, smiling up at the brown haired boy who towered over the two vulnerable girls.

"Hello ladies - care to come to my dorm?" He asks seductively, eyeing the two girls up and down.

"Both of us?" The blonde responds.

"Unless you would like me to take you one at a time?" He quires, smirking at the blonde Slytherin.

They end up both following him willingly to his dorm.

Violet Black

I had to find Tom. I had to tell him how much I missed him, how I forgave him for everything, how much I loved him, and wanted him. I wanted all of him, I didnt care anymore if he lied.

The pain was too much without him, I tried distracting myself with Leo. I thought maybe I could fall in love with him instead. But whenever I was with Leo the only person I ever thought of was Tom.

I love him. I will always love him. I was willing to do whatever it took for him to take me back.

I knew I was blinded by love but he was all I ever thought about.

I stood from my bed in an instant. "Violet? Where are you going?" Cassie asks softly as Abraxas lay snoring on her chest. She furrowed her brows as she watched me walk toward the dormitory door.

"To find Tom-" I say. And with that I leave the dormitory making my way down into the common room and up to the boys dormitories.

I knock gently on the door that led to Abraxas' and Tom's dorm.

"Tom -" I plead from outside of the door before turning the knob and walking in.

"Tom I - I thought we could maybe tal-"

I look up to find him getting his dick sucked by some random red headed girl while he was tongue deep in another girls throat, running his hands up her breasts.

He pulls away from the blonde who was kissing him, looking over toward me. "Ah, come to join?" He mocks, quirking an eyebrow.

"You fucking disgust me." I say as I begin to head out of the dorm.

He pushes the two girls off him, pulling up his pants and buckling his belt. "Get out." He demands to the two girls. They groan and begin to gather their clothing and head out.

Before I could leave he grips my wrist tightly.

"What the fuck is fucking wrong with you!" I yell as I hit his bare chest repeatedly.

"Shit, Violet what the fuck." He says in between violent hits. He grips onto my tiny wrists stopping me from hitting him any further.

"I fucking came here to tell you I forgave you for everything and  - and to tell you I missed you and I loved you. God, how fucking stupid am I!" I yell, trying to pry my wrists out of his grip. "You- you are a fucking pig. I never should've believed you would change." I say out of pure rage.

"Violet who fucking left who here?!" He yells, tightening his grip on my wrists even more.

Our bodies were incredibly close, his chest barely touched mine as our rage radiated off of one another.

"I was right to fucking leave." I spit, staring into his rage filled eyes with mine. "And god you fucking reek of sex. Fuck." I continue maliciously finally ripping my wrist out of his grasp and backing away.

I try to head toward the door again but found it locked by itself. "Colloportus." Tom murmurs, wand in hand.

"Let me the fuck out now!" I say as I reach for my wand in my back pocket to use the unlocking spell, but it had gone. I frantically search along the ground for it but it was nowhere.

"Looking for this, my love?" He joans, smirking at me and spinning my hazel wood wand in between his digits. I stalk toward him, sizing myself to my full height yet still significantly shorter than him.

"Give. it. back. now." I growl looking up at him as his smirk is still intact.

"Try to take it. Come on baby. " He jokes, lifting his hand high in the air with my wand in it.

I try to jump to grip my wand from his hand but he pulls it even higher. "Aw, come on Black I know you can jump higher than that." He jokes.

I glare at him, we were incredibly close again. I felt his hot breathe fanning against my face. "Tom I am not playing with you right now!" I yell, frustrated.

He smirks and finally hands me my wand back, "I thought you loved to play." He says seductively, eyeing me up and down. "Oh fuck off." I say, glaring at him and gripping my wand.

He inches closer to me as I begin to back up until I hit a wall behind me. He towers over me, placing his hand on the side of my face, cupping my cheek and running his thumb along it. I dropped my wand out of surprise.

"Don't touch me with those nasty ass hands. I don't know what you did to those girls." I spit, but still let his hand rest on my face.

"Don't worry, nothing I haven't done to you a million times." He joans, curling his lips into a small smile as he looked down at me.

"Fuck you." I growl, attempting to push him away from me but he doesn't budge. "I hate you!" I yell, starting to feel the anger boil inside me again. "Fuck. I hate you. I hate you so fucking much it hurts." I continue, clenching my fists until my nails made indents into the palms of my hands.

"I fucking hate you To-"

Before I could finish his lips crashed into mine, in hot, passionate, rage filled kisses. My breathe had escaped my lungs as I abide and crumbled beneath him. He grips my hair gently pulling my head back as he trailed rough kisses down my jawline and down to my neck and covering the old marks that Leo had made. Nipping and running his tongue across the nape of my neck. I take a sharp breathe in as he nips at the sensitive parts of  my neck.

He pulls away and dives back into my lips.

His hands run all over my body, as I run my fingers through his dark brown hair  I pull him closer to me as we make out aggressively. His hands slide down to my thighs gripping them and lifting me up against his torso.

I felt the cold wall disappear as he carried me to his bed. He pulled away for a second so we both could catch out breathes, he began unbuckling his belt. The clattering of the metal made goosebumps form along my entire body as I stared aimlessly at him fiddle with his pants.

"I still hate you." I say as I begin to rip my clothes off. "And I still love you." He says. He takes his wand out of his back pocket before he pulls his pants down as he began leaning over my now naked body.

I felt my cheeks heat as I turned a bright scarlet color at his words.

I felt vulnerable underneath him. "Muffliato" He whispers. I look up at him confused. He smirks as he takes his belt into his hands.

"Lift your arms." He demands. "What?" I ask, still confused. "Just fucking do it Violet." He repeats aggressively.

I obey, pulling my arms above my head. He begins tying my wrists to the bed post with his belt. I gasp as he tightens it around my wrists. "Tom - what - what are you doing-" I ask as I squirm a little.

He ignores me as he finishes tying my wrists up. I shift underneath him, spreading my legs as his hard length rubs against the inside of my thigh.

He leans down, wrapping his hands around my neck and squeezing gently. I feel the coldness of his rings against my throat and his breathe against my neck as he inspects me, noticing all the hickeys Leo had left.

"You make me want to do terrible things to you Violet. Fuck. Do you see what you do to me?" He hissed in my ear. I felt him gently buck his hips into me. I pull against my restraints and my breathing becomes hitched.

I close my eyes, waiting for him to just fuck me.  He runs his spare hand down my stomach causing me to arch against his touch, his hand around my neck still very firmly in tact.

He rubs circles around my clit with his middle and ring fingers as he stares down at me, squirming with pleasure. I buck my hips into his fingers as he slips them in and roughly speeds his pace of pumping in and out.

"You're such a whore." He spits as he tightens his grip around my neck. "I-" I spew out incoherent words.

"You're already so fucking wet. Fuck Violet."

"You're teasing me what do you expect."

He pulls his fingers out and shifts his boxers down so his dick rubs up and down my throbbing clit. "I want you to scream my fucking name Violet." He says as he slams into me.

A loud gasp escapes my blood rushed lips as he pumps violently in and out of me. I squirm, trying to pull away from my restraints to slow him down. "Sl- Slow - Slow down Tom - I -" I moan, I felt I was already close to unraveling.

"What? You can't take it? huh?" He breathes out in between strokes. "You're such a slut. Surely you can take me." He continues maliciously.

I bite my lower lip as the pain in my hips and lower stomach increases. "No - I - I don't want t- to cum y- yet." I say between moans. My walls began to tighten around his cock.

I felt all of him, every last inch pumping in and out of me with such force I thought I might scream.

"Fuck! You feel so fucking good. Ugh! so tight." He groans as he increasingly fastens his pace. 

“Scream my fucking name Violet! I want to hear you beg."

My eyes began to water at the pressure between my legs. "Tom! F- uck! F- Fuck me! Please. Please Tom." I moan out, bucking my hips into him.

"You're fucking mine." He growls, trailing kissing down breasts and finally releasing his grip from my throat and rubbing my breasts in his free hand.

His other hand entangles my hair, pulling my hand back as I arch against his toned stomach.

"Oh - Oh god - f - fuck!" I yell as I drown out the sound of the bed slamming against the wall. His lips curl into an evil smirk as he eyes me down beneath him. 

"Who do you belong to?" He breathes out maliciously. He continues to pump into me. I let out exasperated moans but don't answer.

I was distracted by the amount of pain I would feel later, not only in my hips but my shoulders too.

"I asked you a fucking question." He presses. I wrap my legs around his torso pulling him closer to my body. "Y- you Tom." I gently whisper in between moans.

He smirks down at me, tears gently falling from the corners of my eyes at the pressure. "What was that?" He asks, with venom laced in his tongue.

"You - I - I belong to you Tom. Fuck!"

He leans down placing a kiss on my lips. "Good Girl." He groans out.

"I- I'm com - coming." I moan as I felt my walls tighten significantly around his dick and began bucking my hips harder against him.

He groans as he cums inside me. Throwing his head back in pleasure as he completely finishes. His juices overfill in me, as well as my own. "F - Fuck I missed you." He groans as he pulls out and flops beside me, his chest heaving as he tries to catches his breathe and steady his heartbeat.

I close my legs feeling the juices run down my thighs, smiling at him with a slight sense of comfort and unease at being tied up still. 

"I missed you so much more - now - can you please untie me." I plead. 

He pulls his pants back on and runs his fingers through his hair before leaning over me and beginning to untie his belt from my wrists as he gently kissed my lips repeatedly. The belt created indents and red marks on my wrists. I rub them to ease the pain.

“Thank you." I say as I try to sit up and gather my clothing. But once I stand up out of the bed my knees immediately buckle and I fall onto the wooden floor. I rub my forehead out of embarrassment. "Shit." I mutter.

I look up to see Tom staring down at me from the bed, laughing his head off. "You're a fucking idiot." He joans, gripping his stomach as he topples over from laughing so hard.

"Fuck off." I say, rolling my eyes. He stood from the bed and lifted me up onto the bed again. "Really? I can stand and sit on the bed." I say, annoyed.

"Are you sure about that?" He jokes. I roll my eyes at him.

He begins gathering my clothing and handing them to me. "T - thanks." I mutter, pulling on my shirt and panties and leaning back against the soft mattress. 

He comes and lays next to me. Pulling me against his warm chest and wrapping his arm around my shoulder. 

I lay my head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as I trace figures onto his bare stomach with my fingers. "Tom -" I murmur quietly against his warm chest.

“Hmm?" He hums. 

" What does this mean?" I ask, looking up into his emerald orbs as they stared down into mine. 

"What do you want it to mean...?" He queries, smiling at me. I rub his chest with my hand, "I - I want you. I forgive you, I -I just want to be with you again." I stutter.

He strokes my hair, running his thumb along my cheek bone. He studied me before answering. "I love you Violet. I know you didnt think I did, that - that I was just pawning you. But I love you - you make me feel. I have never felt anything like this until I met you." He says sweetly.

I studied his masculine features before answering. I noticed how his green eyes sparkled like Aventurine as he looked down at me. His sharp jawline and his messy curled brown hair that fell gently over his eyebrow bone. How his soft, moisturized, blood rushed lips made me melt when he kissed me. He was simply beautiful.

"I slept with Leo." I blurt guiltily out of nowhere. His eyes darken and he tenses up. I felt his hand grip tighter onto my shoulder until he shoved me off.

"Tom -" I plead, but he gets up from the bed and began pacing around the room, running his fingers through his chocolate locks. 

"Get out." He demands, refusing to listen to what I had to say. I heard the anger through his tone. I look at him with clouded eyes, "You're joking right?" I say as I stay put on his bed. 

"Get the fuck out!" He yells,  his words completely filled with a deranged tone. I stay put.

"No." 

He stalks up to me, standing between my legs as they dangled from his bed. He roughly grips my chin and lifts it to look at him. "Violet - get the fuck out now." He demands again as he violently releases my face and paces the room again.

"No." I say with an attitude. "I am not leaving." I continue, crossing my arms around my chest.

"God you're such a whore!" He yells, still pacing the room. He refused to look at me.

I stand up and walk towards him, "I'm sorry did I not just catch you getting your dick sucked by some random ass girl and you feeling another girl up. You're such a hypocrite." I say, anger once again boiling inside of me.

He stops pacing and looks at me finally. He stands staring quietly at me. Clearly unable to produce words to defend himself anymore. His fists were still clenched as he stood in front of me.

"I'm sorry." He whispers, barely moving his lips as the words spilled out of his mouth.

I walk closer to him, looking up into his eyes. "Sorry, I didnt catch that." I say mockingly, even though I had heard him. I just wanted to hear him say it again.

He clenches his jaw, "I'm sorry." He says a bit louder. 

I lean in, cupping my ear. "What was that. You might need to speak up a little Tom -" I mock again.

"I said I am fucking sorry - God Violet!" He yells. 

I click my tongue and smirk at him, "Well - well, Tom Riddle... saying sorry for his action? Wow." I joan.

"Can we just forgive each other?" He asks, looking down at his feet. I smile at him, "I mean I guess -" I say jokingly. 

He looks back up at me and inching closer to me. He wraps his hand around my waist and pulls me closer to him. "I love you." He whispers before he dives down to kiss my lips. 

I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. "I love you too." I say between kisses. I felt him smile against my lips. 

[keyofjetwolf]

Bonus Question Answers! (anime heat 3)

I asked a silly question! You gave me incredible answers. SO VERY MANY INCREDIBLE ANSWERS. If yours is listed below, you’ve earned an entry in a random draw to win a GIFTENING liveblog OF YOUR CHOICE

SURPRISE EVERYONE WHO ANSWERED THIS ONE GETS AN ENTRY (with extra entry if you pulled a specific line). This has been such a struggle for me for the past ... you know, million years or something, and each of you made me feel so good, thank you. ♥

—

Q: This is reaching back into the memory a bit, I know, but what's your favourite of my fanfic? (BONUS BONUS ENTRY if you pull a specific line!)

*  i cannot remember a specific line off the top of my head but i remember the post-S series dealing with usagi's trauma from pharaoh 90 (sound of silence?) was a gut punch and a half --  anewconstellation

~~

* "Blue shirt. Pearl buttons." I think this was the first time I read you writing the Outers, particularly Neptune and Uranus, and, uh, holy shit. Absolutely note-perfect dialogue and dynamic, particularly for that period of Sailor Moon S when Michiru and Haruka used intimacy of speech and gesture as an instrument of distancing and obfuscation (of their goals to the Inners, of their hearts to themselves and to each other, of the heli-pad to the staff at Mugen Academy, etc). It was so clear, and so clearly *them* that I could actually hear the intonations of their respective seiyuu. And then to deploy such spot-on character elements in combination with the stakes and the maturity the anime never reached for, my WORD, are you trying to kill me??? The pacing, the restraint! What an absolute gift. You're a wonder. (also your drabbles are fuckin peerless, and the BTL concept is such a clever series framework)  -- @rasiqra-revulva​

~~

*  This was so hard to pick from, but I finally settled on "Cause and Affect" - it's such a heartbreaking story, but the juxtaposition between the clinical lines of information from the computer to the memories Ami is dealing with to the horror of the visuals around her... it's so bright and sharp and PRESENT.  It keeps me in the story, that mix of tones and feelings.  And the final line?  Perfection.  "Number of regrets: none"  What an amazing take on Ami and how she processes information and how she deals with the situation she is in.  I still get chills up my back when I read the story.  -- @amberlilly​

~~

*  I love your Between the Lines series, it's how I found your Tumblr and liveblogs back in the day -- @amboato​

~~

*  Author Alert.  “So never, ever, going to live this down.” -- @crunchbuttsteak​

~~

*  "Of her word" quote "But for all that, it remained sand. Rei erased it with one swipe."  -- Dei

~~

*  Between The Lines. Adding further character/emotional depth to canon is YES PLZ. I really liked the whole idea of Usagi having trauma post-Pharaoh 90 and all the chapters that hit on that. On a less serious note Chibs' circus-related PTSD and freaking out when Hotaru wants to go to the circus kills me every time. ("But your precious dreams Hotaru-chan!")  -- forgottenfae

~~

*  This is probably the obvious choice, but "The Sounds of The Silence" has haunted me in all the best ways since I first read it. The way you write Rei, Usagi, and Rei and Usagi hits me right in the heart every time. This particular fic, with Usagi so traumatized, and Rei being as soft and gentle as Usagi needs, will always stick with me. I pulled up the fic to try and narrow down a single line, and ultimately there's no real debate. "She would never stop trying to do more, but for now, she simply did this." That line is, at its core, the essence of Rei Hino. And it is perfection.  -- gatorsandglitter

~~

*  I don't expect this to win at all, just sharing,, but I just super fondly remembered the goggles and all the amazing content, meta, and fic those inspired, both from you and others  -- @goosebytrade

~~

*  "You Win or You Die"  my favorite line is "She and Rei WOULD have The Moment, they WOULD get their thousand years of bliss, and they WOULD be making out after all this was over. Like, SO HARD."  -- @i-needa-nap-please

~~

*  I'm always really bad at answering questions like this because my mind has pretty much become a goldfish in my old age and I have a hard time remembering specific fics; it all sort of starts to jumble up in my brain and things get lost. But I have always loved reading your writing, it's what got me onto this godforsaken website in the first place -- it was just before Crystal dropped, and we were all foolishly full of hope and excitement, and you were going through the Moon Pride video and waxing poetic about the FRIENDSHIPS and I was like, "YES! Finally! Someone who understands why I love this stupid kids' show!" I think I sent you an ask saying this before, (but who knows if you ever got it, Tumblrs being what they are - indifferent) but I tried reading fanfic and even published novels based on properties, like the Buffy novels and Star Trek and Star Wars novels, for a long time, and mostly found it frustrating and annoying and just... wrong. It always had this awkwardness and clunkiness to it that didn't do anything for me and just constantly screamed "THIS IS A FANFIC IT IS NOT REAL WRITING" at me. Didn't like it. But, I liked yours. Yours didn't feel awkward or clunky. You have never written any sentences like, "Rei watched the blonde stand up" where "the blonde" is Minako, and I don't know why fanfic writers think that calling characters "the blonde" or "the redhead" or whatever is sexy or cute but it ain't (sorry, pet peeve tangent). So, when you were writing stuff more, I would read it like it was going out of style, and you led me to Doc's writing, which had the same natural, "this is real writing" quality, and I loved hers, too. Anyway, my favorites of yours have always been the Between the Lines stuff. I just love the "hidden" moments that we didn't get to see. The Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead bits of Sailor Moon (speaking of fanfic that actually works) that bring so much depth to characters we know and love already or to characters we see only briefly. Also, the Shadow Senshi, because FUCK. Just... Kill Me. In any event, I know that writing has been difficult for you of late, and I know how that feels, so I hope that people who are actually able to answer this question have given you some places to go and draw strength from so that it can become part of your life again. TBH, I've been using the bonus questions on your Giftening surveys and Doc's 8 Days surveys as an excuse to try doing some small bits of quick, no pressure, nobody's gonna see it unless you or Doc actually LIKE it, don't think about it writing, and it has been helpful. I hope you can find something that gives you the same opportunity. Now that I've written you a novel that doesn't even answer the question you asked (goldfish, remember? *sigh*), have a gorgeous Tuesday!  -- @incorrecttact

~~

*  The one with Pluto and Queen Serenity, where Serenity is selfish in a very Usagi way, but her arrogance combined with that selfishness makes it a fatal flaw? I liked that one a lot. -- Jules

~~

*  the bit you wrote to 'fill in' a gap for why during r did mamoru act like a distant jerk. My favourite parts were Rei coming to see the same dream, and despite being the one to have the biggest reason to believe in these kinds of prophetic visions, Rei still doesn't believe fate is set in stone. -- just... a fan. a well-baked one

~~

*  Make It To New Year's -- @kaleidodreams

~~

*  ahhh, where is a link to all of your fanfic? It's the series you started after S, with Rei comforting Usagi, because like you I was let down by the fact that they never followed up on what Usagi saw, or even how she dealt, with the end of S. runner up: the one where Usagi is about to give birth because everything you write with Rei and Usagi is amazing. -- kari

~~

*  There was a drabble/draft/something that you used one of my prompts for, and I prompted you with Usagi and Rei, but you did it from Luna's perspective and THAT WAS SO UNEXPECTED and it turned out SO GOOD cause like!!!!!! You made Sailor Moon both someone Luna cares for, because still the legacy of the moon, and someone utterly discouraging for her because *this should not be*, and wow what a way to make it both about Usagi herself and about her powers.  -- katrani

~~

*  I love the btl fics, they fill in the missing gaps, add depth to the story, and sometimes smooth over things (SuperS) when canon is just...blah. One line I really liked was: “I was listening, at first, but then I started thinking about how hungry I was, and how a pork bun would be really good right now, and then I wondered what makes a thing a bun, and like, if you put ANYTHING in a bun, does it become a Thing-Bun, so could you make a bun out of another bun and would it be a Bun Bun, and wouldn’t that be the greatest thing to– Rei?” It's a great run-on, stream of thought sentence that just really catches Usagi's voice, is hilarious, and such a natural progression. -- @kumeko

~~

*  “HUG,” Usagi demanded again, because dammit, she’d been promised a hug and SOMEONE was going to deliver. (The one where Michiru has the hiccups. Because it's fun HaruMichi stuff, because it weaponises Usagi in a useful way, because it manages to (gently) make fun of both perfect!Michiru and saint!Usagi without being mean to either character, and also because I get hiccups a lot and I haaaaate them.) -- nerdy-flutterings

~~

*  I can't remember a specific fic, but I LOVE your Shadow Senshi headcanons and they're the main reason I started writing my own Shadow Senshi stories. -- @notesfromtheidiotbox

~~

*  The Figuarts saga is the Sailor Moon fic I never knew I needed -- Raye

~~

*  Special Delivery is a delight. So much Rei Certainty (that ends up being misplaced). So much Usagi being The Most Usagi About Pregnancy. So much Comedic Hijinks, because why the hell WOULDN’T ‘the Senshi get blindsided when Usagi goes into labor’ end up going full screwball? There’s a lot of great lines there (Rei’s theory about Chibs taking control of the Gate of Time and manipulating things is fantastic, as is the ending,) but my favorite is definitely “Rei Hino if I give birth to my daughter on the side of the road I swear I will go back in time and tear all the pages out of your favorite coloring book! [...] I’ll break the crayons too, Rei-chan!” Delightfully specific and childish, especially since Usagi sticks with it, and that particular brand of comic specificity is definitely a highlight of yours. -- Regalli

~~

*  Fire on Mountain!!! When I got to “Her voice was deeper than most expected when facing the certainty of her. It was rough, sandpaper running over cherry. She’d been a singer, once. Nobody would have believed her.” I was like oh. OH! -- Sasha

~~

*  My favorite of your fanfic, one one of the first I read is 'Hard to Break'. And my absolute favorite line is Usagi's panic when Minako tries to smoke: "Minako who was almost certainly dying, the cigarette had spread its evil and killed her instantly oh god."  -- @shavedjudomonkey

~~

*  Tonight Ami would grieve, and wish she understood why.'  This Between the Lines about Ami getting her mini computer both haunts me and brings tears to my eyes.  -- @shonasof

~~

*  I can't remember the title, but it's the one where Minako realizes that Rei's been writing Sailor V fanfic under the name Red Bow -- Somariel

~~

*  You would think Mako-chan's Happy Ending, but nope, this one goes to Hard to Break (although I had to look up the exact name.) This thing is filled with such great lines. How am I supposed to pick out one? "[Watch out, boys,]" Minako said in smooth and entirely unnecessary English. "[Lady Super Cool is on the prowl.]" -- Ultrace

~~

*  I forget the title, but it's the 'last senshi standing' fic where Ami is reflecting on the battle that took the others from her. Detatched and cold as she analyzes Rei Minako and Mako and finally Usagi's death with a medical efficiency, going through her Visors readout and then reflecting that the clinical words were nothing compared to what she'd actually seen. following up the method of death of the senshi with a statistic in relation to her friendship with the girl. Number of milkshakes shared, number of conversations lasting well into the night, number of hugs, number of smiles that brightened the darkest of moods. Describing how Rei's heart was pulped in a monster's grip, Minako's once beautiful face smashed against the rocks, Mako's lightning that outlived its mistress as she and Usagi ran off, and then finally that one last attempt to protect Usagi failing as 'Cervical Fracture' flashes on her visor. And From there she just... accepts death. sitting beside where Usagi had fallen and waiting for the end. it's dark af but it's the first one that always comes to mind when i think about ur fics :>  -- Vega

~~

*  I am extremely predictable here with two of my choices, as you know that I am obsessed with Fire on the Mountain and Blue Shirt, two things you wrote when you "definitely couldn't write" (Sidenote: My new year's resolution is to be harder on your about writing) We all know why I love blue shirt, it's basically an underhand pitch to the face for me, but Fire on the Mountain has a quality of regret and longing that I really connected with, something that really struck me in a way that was powerful. It's different from a lot of your inners work, and I think about Mina posing as Rei, in her disguise magic in the woods, and all the reasons why, fairly often. Something that MAY come as a surprise to you, is I really wish we got more ofyour overwatch stuff, and maybe I'll just keep asking for this for my birthday for the rest of our natural lives, but I think of like, the one you wrote on 7/14/20, with Pharah longing to have a man to shoot in the face because that would be easier than the emotions around whatever's going on with her, and I'm utterly tantalized. And I loved that hurt/comfort you wrote for me, where Pharah had this single minded drive to find out what had happened to Angela, and Tracer's trying to, well, comfort her, on some level, and the way you described Pharah's "animal cry" was FANTASTIC, and as always I am deeply jealous of your Tracer voice and IF YOU WOULD WRITE IT MORE IT WOULD HELP ME. -- WRITE, BITCH.

~~

*  The one were Hotaru confronted Michiru and Haruka about how they had tried to kill her in order to stop the Silence. Such a good little moment =w= -- zorrito

~~

AND THEN THESE WERE UNSIGNED SAD FACE

*  Chosen. I like your Overwatch stuff but Chosen was a goddamn masterpiece.

*  Operation: Heart Angels. Senshi going after Mamoru for his bullshit was something I didn't know I needed.

*  The entirety of Beggars Would Ride, including every single line of Anya's dialogue.

—

I’ll be drawing for the bonus liveblog around the start of THE GIFTENING 2020 (currently looking to be Monday, 11 January 2021). Each bonus question is another chance to earn an entry! I CAN ABSOLUTELY AND SHAMELESSLY BE BOUGHT.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #312

“robert’s got a quick hand  /  he’ll look around the room, he won’t tell you his plan.”

Do you kiss your pets? Yes. Have you thought about whether or not you're gay? I actually have briefly questioned if I'm just purely lesbian due to how incredibly averse to simply seeing penises I am, but considering I'm still perfectly capable of being attracted to everything else, I'm obviously not. It's just this weird disgust I naturally have. Have you ever had gay thoughts for your best friend? Well I dated her, so like- Have you ever had an STD? No. Would you say you are addicted to texting or to the person you are texting? Nah, definitely not. I always enjoy texting Sara, but I'm not addicted to doing so. Would you date someone who still lived with their parents? Yes; I still live with my mom, so it'd be very hypocritical not to. Would you have to sleep with someone before marrying them? Nah. Sexual "talent" just doesn't matter very much to me, and besides, before or after marriage, you discover what you like together. Would it bother you if your bf/gf flirted with someone else? ???????????? yes????????????? Would you enjoy a night of playing video games? Oh hell yeah. I honestly really miss doing that with Jason. We were both gamers and would do that frequently. How much does intelligence turn you on? Not like, immensely, but being very smart is definitely attractive. Do you search someone on the Internet before a first date? That shit's kinda creepy, imo. Then again, it could be smart for your safety, but idk, something about doing that seems invasive and just weird. I feel like you should learn things directly from their mouth. Could you date someone who had children from a previous relationship? I really don't think I could at this age, at least. I need to be more stable and a figure to look up to. I could probably be a stepmom to like, a teenager or something, but I'm not dating anyone with one of those at only 25. I would have to really, REALLY like the person to even consider dating them with a younger kid. Would you consider donating your body to science after you die? Yeah, go for it. Do you like to be friends with someone before dating them? Yes, definitely. I think waiting too long can make this hard and an awkward change, though; this was the exact situation with Girt. I had a pretty big crush on him my freshman year before Jason, but we were just friends too long. He became my "brother." Is it more fun to go out just with your date or on a group date? Both are fun. Do you enjoy risk? N O P E. How often do you go dancing/clubbing? Never. Not my jam. Do you meditate? No, but I'm considering trying it thanks to group therapy. Have you ever been fired from a job? No. Do you have a problem with racist jokes? Um, fuck yes I do. Is there anything you think science will never be able to explain? Yeah, like the soul. Do you cook fancy meals for dates? Lol no, I can't cook. Do you litter? No. Don't even fucking dare to in front of me. Do you have a career plan? Yes. Could you live with someone who was really messy? How messy? And would they listen if I asked them to clean up? Do you have any shameful fantasies? Yes. Is art important to you? Art is absoluely vital for my happiness in life. Do you believe in fate or destiny? Nope; you carve your own path. Have you ever called your friend a slut? Ha, jokingly. It's gone both ways. Doing nothing all day makes you feel...? That's me pretty much every day, and it makes me feel awful by the end of it. Do you shower everyday? No. It's bad for your skin and hair. Is work important to you? It clearly is when you consider how stressed I've been for years trying to find a job I can handle. Have you had cosmetic surgery? No, but I probably will have some things done if/hopefully when I lose the weight I want to. Do you only date people who have jobs or are full-time students? My past has proven that not always, no. What I really care about is whether or not they show the intention of getting somewhere, like working on themselves and having plans they're making baby steps towards. If the person is without any motivation to get somewhere in life, no, I can't date them. Could you date someone who does drugs? Absofuckinglutely not. Do you enjoy watching sports? Only dance. Are you a cat or a dog person? Cat, I think, but I love both. Should evolution be taught in schools? Yes, definitely. Separation of church and state, my friend. Are you kinky? I mean I can't say I'm unwilling to try some things that would be considered so, but my sexual experiences so far have been pretty vanilla, and I'm fine with that. Would you do a striptease for your partner? That'd be so fucking awkward lmao. Would you date someone who doesn't have a car? Yeah; again, I don't. It may be problematic if they never wanted to, especially with me being so afraid of driving, but idk. Do you enjoy dancing? If I wasn't so horribly out of shape. Do you think men should pay for everything on dates? Lol, wow. What year are we in again? Have you ever met someone in person you met online? Only Sara so far, but I do wanna meet a few others! Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No. Do you ever read your old surveys? No. They're really just a momentary distraction for me. What was the last series you finished watching? Do you have any plans to begin another? Ginga Densetsu Weed was fantastic. I'm now anxiously awaiting Meerkat Manor to come on air again this year!! :') When writing stories, do you have trouble coming up with character names or do they come to you easily? I struggle with coming up with completely original names; I used to be good at it back in the day, now I feel like almost anything I come up with sounds stupid. Real words coming up for OCs that somehow fit them come easy for me, though. Did you ever call any teachers by their first name? Who? Yes, because some preferred it. Have you ever shoplifted, even just once? What did you take? Nope. Have you ever witnessed someone else shoplifting? Did you say something? I don't recall. Is your hair thick, thin, or somewhere in between? it's thick as hell. Do you own a bean bag chair? No. Have you ever touched a caterpillar? Oh yes, I loved letting the harmless ones wander over my arms as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch? No. What a shocker when you think of Mark, I know, but I've kinda been drifting from enjoying let's plays, especially of random games I don't know or think will be good, so I don't force myself. Have you ever witnessed something burn down? Yes. Diagonal to my childhood house, down the road, there was a huge house fire once. Only the foundation of it is left today. Well, maybe they've rebuilt it, but they sure didn't for a long-ass time. Have you ever won a game of chess? Don't know how to play, so. Have you ever picked strawberries or apples? Strawberries, yes. Are you any good at Ping-Pong? No better than the average joe. Have you ever had to put an animal to sleep? Three dogs, and my rat Tezzeret. Where on your body did you/would you like to get your first tattoo? I got mine on my right wrist. What’re some movies you love that people wouldn’t expect you to like? The Notebook surprises a lot of people. I adore that movie. Does your shower have a glass screen or a curtain? It's a curtain. What was the last pill you swallowed? I don't remember; I take a lot of meds in the morning. Where’s your dad from? Ohio. Other than yourself, who was the last person that took a picture of you? Whoever took the picture of my sister Misty and me hugging. What are you usually doing if you're up late at night? On the rare occasion I'm up late, I'm probably really into doing something in World of Warcraft at the time. I go through spells. Right now I'm barely playing it at all. What do you get when you go to the movies? Popcorn and a drink, always. Do/did you enjoy living with your parents? Yeah. If you were to write a story right now, what would it be about? I'm not interested in starting a new story. The continuous stories in RP are enough for me. If you were to paint something right now, what would it be? I'm unsure. I have a lot of art ideas I want to do, but idk what I'd do first, and besides, I prefer drawing over painting. Do you believe you have a calling? I don't believe in "callings." I believe in natural talents, but I don't feel there's some supernatural or purposeful tactic to it. If you could sing a song before an audience today, what one would it be? Oh god. If I had a choice, I wouldn't. If I didn't, I'd have to think more about this. Do you enjoy public speaking? Fuck no. What pet do you want to have? The pet I want most right now is a plains/western hognose, probably of the lavender morph. I adore those lil piggies. Who do you want to be in your life that is currently not? I go back-and-forth about Jason, even though I know it wouldn't be healthy for me for him to have any part in it. PTSD is a motherfucker. Who do you want to be out of your life that currently is in it? Nobody. What do you have to do to achieve your dream? Most likely for someone(s) with considerable influence or popularity in art to highlight photograph(s) of mine. It's why I enter competitions once in a blue moon if Mom's okay with paying the small fee; it's very, very seldom I even ask, though. I hate asking for things, especially non-necessities with our financial position. Are you ambitious? I think so. I'm determined as a motherfucker to be successful with photography, for one. Do you sell things online? Extremely rarely. Speaking of which, I keep forgetting to take pictures of my flute and guitar since I wanna try to get rid of them. I never played the guitar much, and my sentimental affection for my flute has long since faded, so I might as well make a bit of cash off them to go towards Venus' terrarium upgrade. Do you look the way you want to look? Hell no. Do you pray daily? I never do. Have you been through anything traumatic? Oh yes. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. What is a medical condition you used to have but don't anymore? I had this very weird spell of frequent vertigo that kinda just... vanished. Do you look your age? I suppose I do. What has made you itch the most? Shaving my legs I guess, considering I would scratch them so badly it left me with permanent scars. Is there anything you're avoiding? If so, what? Probably. Well enough that I can't even think of it right now, haha. What quality do you admire most in others? Empathy. Do you believe that things will get better? Yes. I hope. Have you ever seen a double rainbow? I have. How old were you when you started swearing? I was in the 7th grade. I don't know the actual age group for that. Do you have any Indian in your blood? No. What is your favorite sunset color? Pink. Have you ever had dreadlocks? No. Have you ever wondered if your house was haunted? Two houses ago, yes. Does the idea of having servants bother you? Yes? Do you like crab? NOOOOOO NO NO. It's mushy and just ew. What song gives you chills? Hell, most music I listen to can. I get chills from music very, very easily, and I'd say either "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade or Disturbed's "Sound of Silence" cover does it the best, but I could very well be forgetting one. Ah, Bad Wolves' cover of "Zombie" is another very high contender, especially knowing the story behind it with how the original singer was supposed to write it with them, but the day of scheduled recording, she died. What color is your favorite hoodie? It's mostly gray, just with a Pikachu graphic on it. Do you have a string of lights in your room? No, but I've always thought those were really pretty. If you were a writer, would you have a pen name or use your real name? My real name. What is your friend's cat's name? Sara has a cat named Winter. Did you ignore the last Facebook post that bothered you, or did you comment? Probably rolled my eyes and scrolled by just to avoid conflict. I normally have to be HEATED to start something. If you were a famous singer, what would you want your hit song to be about? Peace, most likely. Do you have a blog? No. Do you think you are good at writing poetry? I think so, but it takes more thinking than it used to. Do you take gummy vitamins? No, but I wish I took vitamins. Would probably do me some good. If you could do research right now for an essay, what topic would you choose to write about? Hm. I'm always up for arguing for LGBT rights. There's a good handful of topics I'd enjoy writing about, though. Have you ever been tempted to commit a crime? Well, I've pirated things before, so... I kinda crossed that threshold. Other than that, no, not to my memory. Have you ever started writing a suicide letter? I wrote one and am forever humiliated by it. ...and then realized you wanted to live? No, I OD'd afterwards. Well wait... I was kinda on the line I guess, considering once I did it, I panicked and told Mom. If you have a class ring, what color is the stone? I didn't get one. Do you like apple cider hot or cold? I can't remember the last time I had either. Do you use window clings (stickers for your window)? No. Have you ever found a secret compartment? I don't remember ever finding one anywhere. Do you read horror stories? Sometimes RP pretty much turns into horror stories, haha. Do you ever comfort eat? I am VERY bad at that. Do you have your wedding planned in your head already? No, only skeletal basics of it. Does sunlight make you happier? Yes. This is a scientific fact. Do you feel depressed in the winter? No. What's your favorite shade of green? Like a pastel mint color. What channel is your TV usually on? Mom always has Netflix or Hulu on, I think. Do you drive with the windows down or the air on? I strongly prefer AC. How many pairs of jeans do you have? Zero. Do you sleep with a comforter or quilt? A comforter. Who is your favorite American president? I don't know nearly enough about any of 'em to make a fair judgment. Do you jump right in a pool or do you get in slowly? Whew, my jumping in the pool days are long over. Do you use one swimsuit for the summer or do you have many? I just have a single black one-piece. Do you use the bumpers when you bowl? Nah. Sorta affects the fun for me since it's less reason to focus. Do you put eyeliner on the top, bottom, or all around your eyes? All around. Will you refuse to listen to music if you find the lyrics degrading? Depends on how degrading, but usually, it doesn't play a part in deciding if I like the song itself or not. Can you do a cartwheel? I never even tried; I was always too afraid of breaking my neck. Do you have tornadoes where you live? Occasionally, but they're not a big thing here. What's your favorite type of frosting? Chocolate. What's the most expensive crafts tool that you own? Miss Tobey got me a big pack of Prismacolor pencils one year that I really cherish. Have you ever woven baskets of any kind (wicker, paper, cardboard etc.)? No. What's the most exotic spice in your spice rack? I don't have the slightest clue. Do you have a favorite television host? Steve Harvey is The Shit. What's something you're opinionated and very vocal about? LGBTQ+ rights and the pro-choice ideology lead the bunch. The lack of morality in hunting for sport, too. What's something you regularly order online? Nothing regularly. Do you like elevators? No; quite the opposite, actually. When you're angry, does it ever get physical? Absolutely not. What's the weirdest video YouTube has suggested to you? I don't really know. I'm certain I've seen some wild suggestions, though, given just how much of a heavy user I am of YT. Do you like the smell of tar? Ugh, no. Never understood that. Do you have any flags on display? If so, what flag(s)? I'd like a rainbow flag for my room to hang somewhere.

[letsperaltiago]

we’ll sweep out the ashes in the morning |CHAPTER 7|

Even in the middle of New York's freezing month of February, a scandalous familiar fire is ignited within Jake and Amy when they run into each other after years apart. Luckily there's nothing wrong with being caught up in a fire that has to die out soon, right?

Read chapter here or on AO3 

CHAPTER MASTERLIST HERE

Being a cop, experiencing so much harm, hopelessness, chaos and everything in-between, was the hardest thing he’d ever have to handle.

Or that’s what he thought right up until the moment Jake stood on the doorstep to Sophia and, weirdly, his apartment in an attempt to get himself to come forward and confess to what he’d done - or just knock on the door would be a good start. For the last minutes, he didn’t even remember how many at that point, he’d been restlessly pacing back and forth outside the front door to their, his and Sophia’s, so-called “home”. But it being Brooklyn it was probably just a matter of time before someone would call the cops on him since he did look kind of disturbed and creepy: he couldn’t keep pacing forever.

His heart was beating so fast; so fast he was absolutely persuaded of having never experienced any similar feeling before. Another thing he noticed, he could’ve sworn, was that he could hear every pumping movement his heart uttered, which made no sense considering he simultaneously felt lightheaded and like no oxygen was getting to his brain. Man, he had messed up so hard. Not only with Amy, but with Sophia too.

Nevertheless he didn’t get much more time to consider, suffer and make up his mind, in reality none at all, because a loud repetitive knock from inside the apartment beat him to it and completely threw him off guard.

“Who’s there!?” he could hear a woman’s voice yell from inside the apartment: Sophia, of course. Her sounding upset was an understatement. “I’ve been hearing pacing and mumbling for the past 5 minutes so don’t act like no one’s there! I can and will call the police!”

Oh, shit - no more time to think. He had to just jump, head in first and… do whatever he could. Either that or cops, probably from his own precinct, would be there to arrest him within 5 minutes.

“No no no, please don’t! It’s me Jake!”

The yelling and warning bangs from her side of the door seized but probably not because, if he knew her well enough, she was relieved. Not that he’d expected her to be though; he couldn’t even begin to imagine how she was feeling, abandoned by the person whom she thought she would spend the rest of her days with, and now, without her knowledge, he was back to make it even worse.

“Can we talk?” He called out.

Silence. 5… 10… 15… seconds.

“I don’t think we have anything to talk about, Jake. I think where you stand has been made very clear.”

Venom coursed through her voice, every syllable, word and sound, which Jake couldn’t even blame her for: he deserved it. All she’d done was love him, saying yes to loving him forever when he had asked her to marry him, and all it’d gotten her was being left on her wedding day; being cheated on though she wasn’t even aware of this. Yet.

“You don’t have to say anything; you don’t even have to look at me… I just need to-“ he cut himself off trying to think of the right words to say though he knew nothing would ever be perfectly right. “I need to come clean: lay it all out on the table. I’m a the world’s biggest dick, and I’m not here to try to convince you of the opposite… Let me just explain a few things, okay? Please, Sophia…”

A sigh full of regret put a period to what he had to say; what he could say as he stood outside the gates to confession waiting to learn if his admission of guilt would be welcomed. On top of this he also felt deep regret knowing he’d hurt an incredible woman, knowing he could’ve acted so much more wisely, but also at the same time not regretting every moment he’d gotten with Amy.

Then, to his surprise, the door swung open revealing an exhausted-looking Sophia clad in sweatpants and being the exact opposite of what he knew her for: put together, cool, always on the move, determined. He’d done this to her and, if possible, he now hated himself even more.

“Hey,” to say smiling felt inappropriate was some understatement as he put on a weak one, but he didn’t know what else to do. Scream? Cry? He sure did feel like it. The smile ended up being the less weird option although it didn’t earn him one in return and that was okay.

Another tense silence, one more than before now that the door was no longer present as a buffer between them, crept up the stairs to where they were by the front door. It immediately let Jake know that no, he probably shouldn’t expect to be let in.

“I don’t have time for small talk, Jacob. Get to the point.”

Jacob. Oh, he was in so much trouble.

“Eh- okay,” his hands shifted uncomfortably in his jean’s front pocket, he took a deep breath and then jumped into the freezing ocean of truth: eyes closed, head first, can’t lose.

“So, first of all, I know this must mean nothing to you which is far beyond understandable, but just wanna say, again, how so very sorry I am for what I did to you - to us…” he paused to see if he should expect some kind of answer, reaction, the bare minimum but alas no. The only moving she did was crossing her arms defensively in front of her chest as if she was gearing up for war. His most qualified guess was that this was his cue to continue.

“…and I’m not here to rub salt in the wound and this might be selfish, I’m not really sure anymore, but I need to tell you the truth. The whole truth.”

This to some extent seemed to catch Sophia’s attention, a sudden curiosity lighting up her darker than usual eyes as if she was a kid who’s just been told they’re going to be let in on a secret. Only this secret surely wouldn’t make her feel any good.

“A few months back, in February, something happened and I already should’ve told you back then but I didn’t because I was a confused and a huge stupid coward and I didn’t know how to tell you.”

From the look on her face Jake could tell that Sophia was slowly starting to put the pieces together. It was only a matter of words, no matter how carefully picked they were on his part, before she would crack the code and know. The secret would be out with taking it back being no option.

“Remember that night I said I was going to Shaw’s with a friend from work?” he tried, not expecting an answer but hoping she’d recall which would allow him to spare her from the details.

Then a look of realisation, the last puzzle piece falling into its designated spot consumed the look on his almost-wife’s face. He could physically see the microsecond it all came together in her mind and it felt like witnessing someone pulling the safety pin of a grenade, and now he had to stay, stand his ground, and handle the explosion.

“Y-you…” she stammered before closing her eyes as to compose herself after the shock of the truth bomb. “You… cheated on me?” he could tell the word was laced with venom, tasting horridly in her mouth as she couldn’t believe she had to say it. “And you didn’t even have the balls to tell me!?” within seconds her voice transitioned from disbelief to loud, ringing anger.

What else could he do but comply? He knew he was the traitor; the culpable; the one in the wrong.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t give a shit about your apologies! I was here, by your side, working my ass off for this wedding and us, meanwhile you were out and about screwing some chick?”

The flinch Jake’s face upon hearing Amy be put on a par with ‘some random girl he’d just screwed’ was in no way discreet, and Sophia of course noticed. It was indeed inevitable that their relationship was over Jake knew that Sophia knew him well - they’d been together for long and about to get married after all. Also, she was a lawyer so there was really no where for him to hide. Her entire demeanour quieted down upon internally analysing the facts.

Jake Peralta, a good guy with no scandalous past, goes out to get drinks with “someone from work” and cheats on her, flinches when she belittles this other woman…

“I know her, don’t I?”

Perhaps yes he was coming clean about everything but still he didn’t exactly feel like exclaiming the mystery woman’s identity. Alas the silence he met Sophia with was enough of an answer. The wheels continuously turned inside her mind, so loud that Jake could’ve sworn that he could actually hear it.

Jake Peralta. Good guy. No scandalous past or track record. Drinks. “Someone from work”. Flinch.

There must be feeling involved. She knows her.

“Someone from work,” Sophia repeated out loud as to speed up the answer coming to her. It was all one big mess in her head but somehow comes together forming a perfectly clear answer.

“Amy… “ she tasted the name on her tongue trying to find the second half of it. “… Amy Santiago. The girl you used to work with back at the Nine-Nine.”

Another silence; another answer; another soundless yes. Suddenly Jake wished he’d never told Sophia about Amy. The two women had never met, but of course Jake couldn’t enter a relationship without bringing home a lot of shop talk, which involved anecdotes and pictures about his squad: ex-partner Santiago who’d by then moved on to work with Major Crimes included

“I can’t believe you went out and screwed an old colleague while I sat at home like the good, naive wife-to-be!” She cursed loudly after having gotten over the big blow of the mistress’ reveal. Jake flinched having no defence as he knew very well that he deserved the rough treatment. What he’d done to her was inconsolable and unforgivable.

“Fuck you, Jake,” her eyes and words were equally life-draining as they dug into him like daggers. “Fuck you for being with me, fuck you for telling me you loved me, for you for building a life with me, fuck you for proposing and the biggest of all fuck yous for almost leading me into a what was already a dead-end marriage.”

By then, having already threatened moments ago but had only actually fallen in the midst of her last outburst, tears were falling on her cheeks.

“I deserve every single ‘fuck you’ you have to offer and I’m so sorry, Sophia. Really, I truly deeply am and, not that it matters now, but I did love you and still do… It’s just-“

“I’m not her,” she finished his sentence for her making it much simpler than whatever long, intricate explanation he would end up forming. And she suddenly looked very calm; upsettingly calm and settled even.

Jake froze. He knew he was thinking it but didn’t exactly expect Sophia to catch up on it so fast.

“You might be the world’s worst person to me right now, and I’m not about to forgive it…” Her eyes for the first time tonight, through the tears, showed a sign of sadness, regret even, rather than anger like she’d come to realise something. “… But I also know that you’re a man who does love and probably did love me, even though it doesn’t feel like it right now, which is also why I know you would never do this to me if there wasn’t someone you…” she halted as if the words didn’t want to come out of her. “… if there wasn’t someone you loved even more, and I don’t want to be with you if there’s someone out there you love more than me. I don’t want to waste my life being someone’s number two: I jut wish you’d told me earlier… Or simply in a way that didn’t include screwing around.”

Jake had never considered the fact that perhaps he had what resembled love for Amy, but hearing Sophia somehow explain his mess to him though she was the victim, it suddenly seemed more clear and obvious than ever before.

“You’re worth much more than I can offer you, Sophia… And I’m sorry I didn’t communicate that properly.”

“Well…” his almost-wife had seemed to calm down although the clenching feeling in his gut, guilt, would surely stick around for some time. “Just make sure to at least offer that Amy something equal her worth. Don’t be an idiot twice.”

Jake nodded trying to change it all in; the switch in tone and mood, all the new facts hitting him harder than a storm.

“Did she know?” Sophia quizzed again after a moment of silence.

“What?”

“That you had me?  That you were engaged?”

“Oh, uh…” Jake frowned hating that he knew the answer. Even though it didn’t matter he didn’t want what she did that night to represent Amy. But he couldn’t lie. Not anymore. “Yeah, I think… I believe I mentioned it.”

“Well,” Sophia took a moment to compose herself, grabbing the door as to get ready to close it. “Then perhaps you’re already offering her something equal to her worth.”

-

Between the confessing to Sophia and trying to win Amy back (is it ‘back’ if he never really had her?) Jake’s having a week from hell, and it very quickly turns out that talking to Sophia very surprisingly comes down to being the easiest task of the two.

It was a dark evening with clouds assembling threatening to spill rain and thunder covering the sky. Perhaps the weather knew how he felt; hopeless, somber, alone. After obviously not being able to stay in his and Sophia’s apartment anymore he’d offered to take the high road and move out - or at least move himself out along with a bag of clothes and bare necessities. The rest of his stuff would come around once he’d found a new place to call his own.

Until then he crashed at Charles’ which both he, Genevieve and especially nephew Nikolaj immensely enjoyed. Although he seemed not as happy and joking as usual, Nikolaj noticed, there was nothing better than spending evenings playing with his priceless collection of trucks and uncle Jake who always impressed him with conniving truck-sounds.

But as soon as the darkness and the moon reigned over New York, when Niko and his parents were fast asleep and the apartment was dead silent, Jake was left to himself in the guest room to ponder endlessly and hating himself so much more. At least during the day he could repress and distract himself from these thoughts and feelings.

The end of him and Amy, though he barely even knew what that meant anymore, suddenly seemed inevitable. Turned out that getting back in contact with a person whose trust you’d lost was harder than one would think - especially when you were obsessed, dying to be with said person, and she wouldn’t answer any calls, texts or voicemails which would allow you to explain.

Jake experienced this first hand as he dialled her number only to be met with her by now all too familiar voicemail.

“Ames, it’s me for the…” he took a brief glance at his phone immediately feeling slightly embarrassed by the sight of call list. “… 4th time today (20th time this week). Please, I’m begging you, pick up. I talked to Sophia and I’m-“ he searched his mind for the perfect words to say but they seemed so far gone, used up and meaningless by now. It already felt like he’d tried every way of wording possible to explain his renewed, honest intentions.

A deep sigh filled the pause before he preceded, slowly feeling himself slipping and giving up. “I miss you. I never meant to hurt you, and I know nothing will undo that I in fact did but please let me explain. I’m at Charles’. I’m staying here until I can find a new place to live and, yeah, Sophia is no longer in the picture. It’s just you, Amy. I just want you. Please call me back - or even just a text would be good too.”

He hung up before putting down his phone and turning over to lie sleeplessly, one more night to add to the list, in his lonely borrowed bed.

To no one’s surprise, least of all Jake’s, this declaration and plead number 20 wasn’t the one to convince Amy of giving him the time of day either. There was no way over, under or around the fact that she simply didn’t want to hear from him, and even less let him hear anything back. Though he was dying to explain himself, wanting nothing more than run to her apartment and kick down her door, tell her he wanted her,  he also knew that wasn’t the way things worked. Maybe in movies but not in real life with real people, real feelings and real consequences.

No matter how badly he needed and missed her he respected her wishes, which seemingly was not seeing him. Giving up on her felt wrong, unreal and excruciating when just five days ago he’d been lying in bed with her in his arms in the warm morning sunlight. And though he wasn’t officially about to back down and give in to the screwed up circumstances that had gotten them here, there sure wasn’t much motivation left in him but one thing: Amy.

Seeing Amy. Talking to Amy. Apologising to Amy. Admiring Amy. Touching Amy. Loving Amy, someday when that word seemed rational. Anything with Amy, he wanted it and would go to great lengths to earn it.

That, all that, he hoped, would be enough to mend them again someday hopefully soon.

[rainbowgoddd99]

♡︎Even at any moment You are always the sh*t ♥︎

Read it over and over every minute as much as you need just keep going you can it’s okay if you think you can’t you can you can you can you CAN!!!! Take it easy one by one you definitely can. If you can’t focus on your own life then try to make another’s bright even if it’s just one word you can you can be that light until you find your own. You are strong you matter.

1. We would miss you.

2. It’s not worth the regret. Either by yourself if you failed or just simply left scars, or the regret everyone else feels by not doing enough to help you.

3. It does get better. Believe it or not it will eventually get better. Sometimes you have to go through the storm to get to the rainbow.

4. There’s so much you would miss out on doing.

5. There is always a reason to live. It might not be clear right now, but it is always there.

6. So many people care, and it would hurt them if you hurt yourself.

7. You ARE worth it. Don’t let anyone, especially yourself, tell you otherwise.

8. You are amazing.

9. A time will come, once you’ve battled the toughest times of your life and are in ease once again, where you will be so glad that you decided to keep on living. You will emerge stronger from this all, and won’t regret your choice to carry on with life. Because things always get better.

10. What about all the things you’ve always wanted to do? What about the things you’ve planned, but never got around to doing? You can’t do them when you’re dead.

11. I love you. Even if only one person loves you, that’s still a reason to stay alive.

12. You won’t be able to listen to music if you die.

13. Killing yourself is never worth it. You’ll hurt both yourself and all the people you care about.

14. There are so many people that would miss you, including me.

15. You’re preventing a future generation, YOUR KIDS, from even being born.

16. How do you think your family would feel? Would it improve their lives if you died?

17. You’re gorgeous, amazing, and to someone you are perfect.

18. Think about your favourite music artist, you’ll never hear their voice again...

19. You’ll never have the feeling of walking into a warm building on a cold day

20. Listening to incredibly loud music

21. Being alive is just really good.

22. Not being alive is really bad.

23. Finding your soulmate.

24. Red pandas

25. Going to diners at three in the morning.

26. Really soft pillows.

27. Eating pizza in New York City.

28. Proving people wrong with your success.

29. Watching the jerks that doubted you fail at life.

30. Seeing someone trip over a garbage can.

31. Being able to help other people.

32. Bonfires.

33. Sitting on rooftops.

34. Seeing every single country in the world.

35. Going on roadtrips.

36. You might win the lottery someday.

37. Listening to music on a record player.

38. Going to the top of the Eiffel Tower.

39. Taking really cool pictures.

40. Literally meeting thousands of new people.

41. Hearing crazy stories.

42. Telling crazy stories.

43. Eating ice cream on a hot day.

44. More Harry Potter books could come out, you never know.

45. Travelling to another planet someday.

46. Having an underwater house.

47. Randomly running into your hero on the street.

48. Having your own room at a fancy hotel.

49. Trampolines.

50. Think about your favourite movie, you’ll never watch it again.

51. Think about the feeling of laughing out loud in a public place because your best friend has just sent you an inside joke,

52. Your survival will make the world better, even if it’s for just one person or 20 or 100 or more.

53. People do care.

54. Treehouses

55. Hanging out with your soul mate in a treehouse

55. Snorting when you laugh and not caring who sees

56. I don’t even know you and I love you.

57. I don’t even know you and I care about you.

58. Because nobody is going to be like you ever, so embrace your uniqueness!

59. You won’t be here to experience the first cat world emperor.

60. WHAT ABOUT FOOD?! YOU’LL MISS CHOCOLATE AND ALL THE OTHER NOM THINGS!

61. Starbucks.

62. Hugs.

63. Stargazing.

64. You have a purpose, and it’s up to you to find out what it is.

65. You’ve changed somebody’s life.

66. Now you could change the world.

67. You will meet the person that’s perfect for you.

68. No matter how much or how little, you have your life ahead of you.

69. You have the chance to save somebody’s life.

70. If you end your life, you’re stopping yourself from achieving great things.

71. Making snow angels.

72. Making snowmen.

73. Snowball fights.

74. Life is what you make of it.

75. Everybody has a talent.

76. Laughing until you cry.

77. Having the ability to be sad means you have the ability to be happy.

78. The world would not be the same if you didn’t exist.

79. Its possible to turn frowns, upside down .

80. Be yourself, don’t take anyone’s shit, and never let them take you alive.

81. Heroes are ordinary people who make themselves extraordinary. Be your own hero.

82. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

83. One day your smile will be real.

84. Having a really hot, relaxing bath after a stressful day.

85. Lying on grass and laughing at the clouds.

86. Getting completely smashed with your best friends.

87. Eating crazy food.

88. Staying up all night watching your favourite films with a loved one.

89. Sleeping in all day.

90. Creating something you’re proud of.

91. You can look back on yourself 70 years later and being proud you didn’t commit.

92. Being able to meet your Internet friends.

93. Tea / Coffee / Hot Chocolate.

94. The new season of Sherlock.

95. Cuddling under the stars.

96. Being stupid in public because you just can.

97. If you are reading this then you are alive! Is there any more reason to smile?

98. Being able to hug that one person you havent seen in years.

99. People care enough about you and your future to come up with 100 reasons for you not to do this.

100. But, the final and most important one is, just, being able to experience life. Because even if your life doesn’t seem so great right now, literally anything could happen at any moment, make the most out of your life, life seems so long but short, enjoy it, do whatever you want, break a bunch of laws, travel the world, change your style, help others, do things that make you happy. Who gives. FUCK what people say or judge you about just bark at them. Have a good mindset and you’ll be ok. I love you <333333

You got this yeah that seems shallow to say but hell YOU GOT THIS you do look at you I mean you’re amazing it’s okay to not feel it from time to time but you’re important yes the hell you are fuck those voices you are important you are you matter you mean something on this world you exist the world know it you have helped so many so let them help you back now yes pain hurtsss so much it really hurts and it feels like it’s never ending it makes you not have a thing to look forward to but you know what it’s not forever it’s not I know that’s not the best to hear when you are in such pain but you can do this you can do it even if you can’t see light pretend there is one if you can’t then just laugh an laugh an laugh because one day that laugh will be real and you’ll look back an just amazing wonder just how you did it and that’s because you’re strong you are also remember these thing you are valid you are you matter and you are godam awesome you learn with everything it makes you stronger it molds you so when you find your destiny you’ll be really it just sucks with uncertainty there’s so many versions of you and each is amazing each can do this each an every one you will definitely see light again it’s coming just taking time on your path because it’s so amazed by the greatness it’s seeing and soon you’ll see just want it did you got a life you really do you got one dangg you do! It’s amazing it really is it can be tiring definitely it wears you down just know you won’t be tired forever

You will look up one day and breath and that air will be so clear

You will see just what life really is and that’s

Wonderful

Full of different experience

There’s pain

There’s regret

But there’s discovering new things

Obsessing over dumb things

Life is not horrible it’s not amazing either at then end of the day life is life it’s random an definitely unexplainable but it’s for you an only you emotions will get to you but some things need you to some things you’re there destiny and you yourself have a great destiny you got this I mean it I know you do now cry scream get mad regret do it all!!!!!!!! But know you really do got this you are strong and you YOU CAN LIVEEEE!!!!!!

Not today not tomorrow either not ever okay

You got this you have so many rolls left

You can smile

Fuck it lol if any one ever is over it just say fuck it

I made this for people that in every bodies eyes is amazing and make them feel better and people suffering with mental issues I made this for people who don’t go out enough that they are losing vitamins in there body and are causing physical damage to there body because you can’t get up in time to do normal things like pee I want you to know I know it’s not a joke I know it hurts and I know half of you suffer alone or try to do masking techniques you have been taught. Others are out there and sure there are some that try to understand and relate and that’s very nice that they try but I get that in them doing that it makes you feel more and more bad they mean no harm tho remember that they aren’t you so they have no clue what they do. There is some there just like you it’s true. You just have to find them.

It's your life fuck anyone who tries to have a say in it you all are your own main mother freaking character you all are.

[chickensarentcheap]

Sanctuary -Chapter 42

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @alievans007​, @thunderintheshadows​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @valkyrie-of-the-light​

Despite the suffocating humidity and sweltering heat, it's a relief to get out of the hotel. She'd spent the last three days confined within the four walls of their room, trying desperately to keep her mind off of not only what happened at McMann's house, but the terrifying consequences that followed. Plagued by incessant worry about the safety and well being of the kids,  waiting on pins and needless for the random and all to brief updates that Ovi would send throughout the day.  And now the torturous minutes and hours before the IRA would get back to them with their decision.  The fates of the McMann kids...and their own...in the hands of the very kind of people that Tyler went into battle against while on the job.  It's a nauseating turn of events; having to put all of your faith and hope into individuals known world wide for the brutal acts.  To trust them to save lives instead of ending them.

Tanis sticks tight to her side. It was the one and only stipulation that she'd had to agree to for a short couple hours of freedom; the other woman could not leave her side, and under no circumstances was she to wander off on her own. Not even if it was only a couple feet away. There was no telling who was a threat now;  with McMann and the Buckmans working together, their reach is incredibly long and they have endless resources and people at their disposal.  If she wanted to get outside and attempt to function as a 'normal' member of society, she had to have protection at all times.  Tanis is pleasant enough;  talkative,  articulate,  educated on a wide variety of subjects that helps keep conversation lively and fresh. Tall and athletically built; broad shoulders and fit, well toned muscles, her blond hair cropped short to her head in a stylish and modern pixie, dazzling green eyes that are constantly taking in the people and the action around them.   She doesn't carry herself with an unabashed cockiness that most Marines do;  her posture is loose instead of rigid,  she smiles often,  she doesn't puff out of her chest in an attempt to intimate anyone that so as much looks in their direction. To the untrained eyed, they'd appear as if they were just two friends out for a day on the town; chatting and laughing, bags of shopping on their arms. But Esme knew the truth. Which the woman is really there.  And she knows that there's gun tucked into a holster on Tanis' right hip, hidden under the baggy white t-shirt she sports. This is a job. Nothing more, nothing less.  Once it's over, they'll each go back to their separate lives. It's the way things have to be; you don't fraternize with the client. All ties cut the moment the job is finished and money has exchanged hands. It's easier that way. No bonds formed, no feelings hurt.

Ovi is an exception to the rule.    He'd needed further protection; he wasn't safe in Mumbai, not with his father in prison, Saju dead, and Asif's associates looking for payback.  And most importantly, he'd needed a chance at a real life. He'd needed to know what it was like to part of a family. To have people that respect and love him. For far too long he'd gone through life being treated like a thing instead of a person, and it had been a difficult adjustment for him. Going from having 'handlers' and paid help to having parent figures and siblings. It had been a struggle for him to adapt; their rules were incredibly lax compared to those that had been placed upon him in Mumbai, but they were still things that were expected of him.  And he'd struggled to go from the rigidly strict to the rather relaxed and casual.  It wasn't just a chance of scenery, but an entirely different change of pace and a way of life.  No private schools, no chauffeurs taking him place to place. He had set curfew but was allowed to have friends; he could go to the mall, take in a movie, hang out a park. He no longer had people hovering over him and dictating his every move. And as much as he'd hated that life...his old life, it had still been hard to not be controlled in such fashion.

It had been good to talk to him that morning. He'd sounded tired, but he was happy. Secured in his ability to keep himself, Chloe and the kids safe. There was no evidence of fear or uncertainty in his voice. The trust that Tyler had placed him had been an enormous ego boost; he was confident, resolved, with no worries about who may be following them or may try to get to the kids. He would handle it. Those were his exact words. Whatever...whoever...came their way, he wasn't the least bit afraid.  A stark change from the slightly immature and self conscious kid that they'd left behind almost two weeks ago.  And it was the first time since Tyler had told her that he'd put Ovi in charge of their kids that she'd felt truly confident in his decision.

“Forgive me for asking this,” Tanis says, as they wander through the main shopping district; sipping smoothies and chatting like old friends. “And I hope I don't come off to personal or sounding rude.”

“I live with five males, I have been asked an obscene amount of personal questions and pretty much heard every possible rude comment under the sun in the past five and a half years,” Esme grins. “I have two four year old's that are obsessed with fart jokes and think the word 'ass' is the funniest thing they've ever heard. Do you know what that's like? That much 'boy' in one house? I mean, my husband has enough testosterone for half the planet, I swear. Never mind adding in his three mini me's and a teenage boy.”

Tanis laughs. “My parents had all girls. I'm the last of five. I thought that was hell to grow up in.”

“Oh don't get me wrong, I would take five girls over one boy any day. My girl has been a walk in the park compared to raising boys. I mean, she's full of attitude and piss and vinegar, but she's been so easy. She picked up everything so quick and she's been always so eager to learn new things. And she's obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness. But the boys? Oh my god. How do they get pee everywhere? Are they not paying attention? Are they waving it around like firehouse? How does it get on the floor, the baseboards and the wall but none in the actual toilet? Ughhh...” she shudders.  “...that's why I won't clean the bathrooms anymore. That's a man's job. So gross.”

“Sounds like there's never a dull moment at your place,” Tanis grins.

“It's a zoo. I'm not even joking. It's mess and it's noise and it's utter chaos. But at the same time, it's awesome. It's our mess and our noise and our chaos. You get used to it. And you miss it when it's gone. This last week and a half has been hell. Not being under the same roof as them. Not being able to hug them and kiss them and tuck them in at night. I complain about the craziness, but I miss it. As weird as that sounds.”

“That doesn't sound weird to me. That sounds pretty normal, actually. This will all be over. This whole nightmare. And we'll get you back home. Where you belong.”

Esme gives a smile of appreciation.  The words have a nice sentiment behind them, but there's still so much that has be done. So much risk involved.  And she tries to push those thoughts out of her mind.  Not wanting to think about what could go wrong, but what will go right. “What did you want to ask me?” she inquires, as she sips at the smoothie in her hand. It's about all she can stomach. If that. Nothing has been staying down despite the anti nausea (and baby safe) medication a local pharmacist had recommended her. It's always been bad; fatigue and all day sickness (never mind just the morning), but it's never been this bad.

“How the hell did you ever wind up with Mark? Because he's a bit of a...”

“Douche canoe?”

“Well I was going to say prick, but douche canoe works too.  I mean, he's my boss and I have to respect while on the clock and in his presence, but what the fuck is his issue? He's a total ass wipe.”

“And this is him being friendly and diplomatic if you can believe that. This is his good and charming side. Wait until you get to meet the rest of him. It's a real treat. To say the least.”

“How did you ever end up with him? You seem so...I don't know...normal...”

Esme laughs. “Don't ever let Tyler hear you say. He can tell you that I am far from normal.”

“Mark is just so...Mark...and you're just so...you.  You're just both so different from one another.  He treats everyone like shit and you seem so welcoming and friendly with people. I find it hard to believe that someone like you would even get mixed up with such a complete and utter tool.”

“He talked a good game when I first met him.  I hadn't been in the Corps for very long. I didn't have much life experience under my belt. And suddenly this older guy showing interest in me. He was mature, charming, he had a very authoritative way about him that was strangely appealing. He was my commanding officer, so there was that whole rush you get when you know you're going against the rules and there will be hell to pay if you get caught.  I was young. Inexperienced. And stupid. So very, very stupid.”

“Is it true he let a stewardess give him a blow job in the plane bathroom on the way back from your honeymoon?”

“Sadly, yes. That's one hundred percent true. I should have just dumped his ass when that happened. Got the marriage annulled. But he swore he'd never do anything like that again and it was just a 'one off' and he got all that kind of behaviour out of his system.  So I believed him. Stupid little naive girl that I was.”

“So it got worse instead of better?”

'Not right away. It got better. And it stayed that way for about eight months and then he just went off the deep end. He'd gotten back from Iraq and was having a hard time with some of the things he saw and heard over there. Which, don't get me wrong. I get.  That shit fucks with your head. There's even things now that still bother me. Images and sounds and smells that come back out of nowhere. But he went right off the reservation.  It's like something inside him snapped and he couldn't hold back his true self any longer.  I should have left right away...the first time he ever hit me...but...” she shrugs.

“People think it's so easy.  That it's as simple as just packing your things and walking out. That it's not. Nothing is ever that simple.”

“You've been through it too?”

Tanis nods. “My ex husband was the exact same. He was a narcissist. And a sociopath. A violent one. I stayed for three years. I lost everything because of him. My friends, my family. They didn't understand why I didn't just walk away. I tried explaining to them that it wasn't that easy, but they didn't get it.”

“People don't if they haven't lived through it themselves,” Esme reasons. “I used to be one of those people. Who used to judge the women for not leaving. Then I became one  of those women. It woke me the hell up right quick, let me tell you.  I put up with his shit for two and a half years.  And in a way, I'm still putting up with that. That crap never leaves you. It stays in the back of your mind. All the horrible things they've said. All the times they've told you that weren't good enough or that no one could ever possibly love you because of how messed up you are, or that someone could never love you the way they do.  You think you've gotten over it, but you haven't. It's always there.”

“And then when you do meet someone and are happy, all those come out and work against you. And you listen to them. And you believe them.”

“Exactly. It's a vicious circle. It's a horrible existence. And it takes someone really strong and really patient to help you deal with all of that.”

“You found that though,” Tanis smile. “Someone like that. You're one of the lucky ones.”

“I have put that man through hell. Or my brain has, I should say. I have snapped and said some horrible, horrible shit to him.  I think about some of the things I've said to him and I want to crawl into a hole and die. Tyler has his issues, don't get me wrong.  He is far from perfect.  But he sure as hell doesn't deserve the things I've said to him. But he sticks around. Shockingly.”

“Because he knows that's not you saying the things you say. He knows it's what you've been through. And he loves you. Anyone can see that. It really burns Mark's ass you know,” Tanis chuckles. “Seeing the two of you together. The one the two of you look at one another.  He can not handle it.”

“That's because he's such a miserable fuck, he expects everyone else to be too.  Can you believe my own mother stayed friends with him? Knowing what he'd put me through? How messed up is that? She loves Mark but hates Tyler because he's the one took me away from my home and forced me stay in Australia and blah blah blah.  That is her sole reasoning for not liking him. Yet Mark is a total sleaze ball who gets off on hitting women and she loves him. “

“She sounds just as messed up as Mark.”

“You think? She's a real piece of work. And now Nik is hooked with him? Of all people that I thought would be smarter than that, it's her. She is far from being a stupid woman. Or a weak one.  Yet she chooses to be with him? Ughhh...” Esme shudders dramatically.  “...if that isn't enough to make me puke, I don't know what is. And believe me, I don't need any extra reasons to puke. Do you have kids?”

“No. But I haven't completely ruled them out. I'm in a good place with my life right now. I've met a pretty good guy. We're taking things slow, but...”

“Zak, right?”

“How'd you...?”

“It's all in the way he looks at you. The way he watches you when you talk. That little smile he has when you walk into the room. It must be a guy thing.  Maybe they're better at expressing it with their faces than they are with their words. Tyler gets so embarrassed if someone brings up 'the look'.  And he tries denying its mere existence, but it's there. Whether he wants to admit it or not. He doesn't like to talk about those things.  But let me just say this, he's not always a hard ass. He's got a soft side to him, and a huge heart. But whatever you do, do not tell him I told you that. He will deny, deny, deny and I'll never hear the end of it.”

“I know Mark's my boss and I should probably watch the things I say out of respect for him, but...”

“No. Speak your mind, girl.  You probably don't have anything to say about him that I haven't said a million times myself.”

“...you really traded up the second time around. Like you went from here...” she holds her hand just below her waist “....to here...” she raises her hand way above her head.  “...and I totally didn't mean that to represent the difference in size, but I guess it's appropriate.  You went from like grade F beef to like Triple grade A.”

“The difference is night and day. In every respect.  And that's what makes thing even more screwed up. Because your brain believed everything some asshole said, so you have no idea how to even let someone love you.  You're so used to being treated like garbage that when a decent guy comes along, you don't know how to deal with him.  You expect the worst, get the best ,and then you don't know what to do with it.”

“So you get scared and push it away,” Tanis concludes.

“Exactly. And believe me, I pushed long and hard for a while. And he refused to budge.  He just tried even harder.  And believe me, there were many times he could have told me to go fuck myself and taken off and he would have had every right to do it. But he never did.  He's a stubborn shit, let me tell you.  Which is probably why he didn't die that day on the bridge in Dhaka. Everything has be on Tyler's terms. It's your way or his way. There is no in between. He has to be in control. I guess he figured he hadn't lost all control yet so why give up?”

Tanis smiles. “Something tells me you had something to do with it to. I mean, you stuck around for a guy you barely knew.”

“Well the sex was amazing and I wasn't ready to let that go yet. I wasn't finished using him for his body yet.”

The other woman laughs at that.

“In all honesty,  I did what I dd because I wanted to. Because it felt like the right thing to do. He was in that mess because of me. Well Ovi, too. But if he hadn't have kept us around, he wouldn't have gotten out of there and not ended up as fucked up as he was. Sometimes I wonder if he regrets it. That he did decide to keep us around. If he wishes he'd listened to Nik and just left us in the street.  I mean, he wouldn't have all the issues that he has now if he had have ditched us.”

“I have a feeling that he never even considered the ditching you guys part.”

“He says he didn't. That it was never an option. But I couldn't really blame him if he thought about it at least once. It's all about survival right? Self preservation? Sometimes the only person you can worry and care about is yourself.”

“It must have been hard. The aftermath. Of Dhaka.”

“It was...” she fidgets with the straw in her drink,  pulling it up, pushing it back down,  trying to find the appropriate words to describe exactly what it had been like. Without completely losing her grip on her own emotions. She's normally a sensitive person to begin with, but now the hormones have decided to cause havoc within her body and even the smallest of dirty looks from someone have her ready to burst into tears.  Just that morning she'd had a meltdown because the mint of the hotel toothpaste was 'too strong'.

“...hard...” she says.  “It was hard. To see someone like that. All the tubes and all the wires and bandages and stitches and what not. He was a mess. He should not have survived that. Even the doctors told me when they took him to surgery when we first got there that they didn't think he'd even get off the table alive.  And he almost didn't. He coded three times. They said if there had been fourth, they wouldn't even have bothered to bring him back. That the lack of oxygen would have led to a catastrophic brain injury.”

It's painful to relive it. Even more painful than those moments on the bridge when she'd fought to keep him alive.  The agonizingly long wait in the OR family are; that bloody and torn tactical vest clutched tightly to her chest. The one that she'd nonsensically tried to scrub clean in one of the public bathrooms because he 'might need it again'. The doom and the gloom that had been in the surgeon's voice and in all the voices of the doctors and specialists that had come and gone through his room in the ICU.  Not one of them believed he would make it. The blood loss was too severe. The damage too great.  He'd never be the man he was before. Maybe not even a fraction of it. And the more they tried to prepare her to say goodbye, the tighter she held on.

“And I know that sounds weird because I'd just met him and there's no way I should have ever felt that strongly about him so soon...” she continues. “...but I can't explain it.  I can't explain what I felt. I just know I felt it. And I wasn't ready to let him go. We had too much to look forward to. Plans we made. We were legitimately going to work at things and see where we really stood in each others lives. If there was more to it than those five days in Dhaka. But we never got the chance. It didn't go the way we wanted it to.”

“But things worked out,” Tanis reasons.  “In the long run.  It might have been what you had planned, but they still worked out. Look how far you guys have come. From that day until now.”

“Yeah, he's still trying to solve everyone else's problems and getting hurt doing it.”

“I don't mean in that way. As in the job.  He made it out of that hospital. Even when all logic and even science said he shouldn't. He survived that and now look.  You're married, you've got amazing kids, one on the way...” she gives a smile, and pats Esme on the tummy. “...it's a great life. Even if doesn't seem that way sometimes.”

“Yeah. It is actually,” she agrees, and then smiles as she lays her own hand on her stomach. It will be a while before her body starts to visibly change. She'd been nearly twenty weeks before even the slightest bit of a bump began to show with Millie.  The twins had shown earlier, obviously. And Declan had just been enormous right from the start.  He was easily going to be over six feet tall by the time he hit his teen years, and probably built like a linebacker.

“Last one?” Tanis asked, nodding down at Esme's stomach.

“Oh hell yeah. This is it. I thought we were done at three. At least we agreed to stop at three. After the twins, we were done. That was it. Declan was a complete and total shock. We were actually using birth control and that kid still made his appearance. So if anything was meant to be, it's him.  And then we decided why not one more , and well,  it happened a lot sooner than we thought it would, but it happened.”

“I like to think things like this happen for a reason,” Tanis says. “Everything says that your Declan shouldn't be here. In the same way that doctors and science and all rational logic say hat Tyler shouldn't be here. But they both are.”

“When you put it that way, maybe I should play the lottery. With those kinds of odds running in my house,”  Esme muses.  “I know how lucky I am. That Tyler even survived. I saw how bad he was; the amount of blood he lost.  He honestly probably should have never made it off the bridge alive.   And sometimes I think it take it for granted that he did.  That I take him for granted.  I'm just so used to him being around that I sometimes forget how close it came to him not being around.”

“I think we're all guilty of that. Taking the people in our lives with granted.  Their presence for granted.”

“Makes me feel like a shitty human when I think about it. All the times where he's annoyed the shit out of me and wish he would go away and leave me alone. What if I wished those things and it happened? What if the last words I ever said to him were awful? If I actually let him walk out the door without telling him I love him. Imagine having to spend the rest of your life with that kind of guilt?”

“It's why we can't let a day go by without telling people how we feel about them,” Tanis says.  “We have to live each day with someone as if it's the last we'll ever spend with them”

****

She's startled to see him when she arrives back at the hotel; there are still two hours before his meeting with McMann and he hadn't planned on returning until after it was over.   So it's a nice surprise...and a huge relief...to see him there lounging in the middle of the middle. Leaning back against the headboard with those long legs stretched out in front of him, his hand clasped at the back of his neck, his eyes closed.   He doesn't respond to the sound of the door opening and closing; not a single muscle twitching throughout his body or in his face. Chest slowly rising and falling with each steady breath he takes. And she ditches her shopping bags and purse in the closet by the door and kicks off her shoes, bare feet against the soft carpet as she wanders further into the room.  The mattress dipping slightly as she climbs onto it,  shuffling on her knees towards him and then climbing into his lap, a knee on either side of him, arms around his torso and head resting on his shoulder.  She closes her own eyes; he's warm and soothing, his body hard and strong, his familiar scent still intoxicating after all these years.. And when she sighs against him he finally moves; turning his face towards hers and pressing a kiss to her forehead, both arms wrapping around her.

“Hi,” she says, voice muffled against the side of his neck.

'Hi.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I'm staying in this room too,” he playfully reminds her.

“You weren't supposed to be back until later.”

“Well I came back early.”

“Why?”

“Because I missed you and wanted to see you.”

He can feel her smile against his throat.  “That's a very good reason,” she declares, a places a kiss to the scar that mars his neck; the one that will forever serve as a reminder to just how close he'd come to ceasing to exist.

“The best reason,” he says, his palm moving in slow, smooth circles in the middle of her back. “Did you eat something?”  He can't help himself; his protective nature is coming out in full force. It's bad enough when it's just her he's worrying about and trying to keep safe, but now there's a baby inside of her and he has twice as much to lose.

“A little bit. What your spawn will let me keep me down.”

“When we get home and we get you into a doctor you can go on that medicine you were on the last time. It helped, yeah? You didn't puke that much with Declan.”

“It was a life saver,” she confirms.  “You smell good.”

“You wouldn't have said that a half an hour ago, trust me.”

“Even on your worst days you don't smell that bad. I kind of like how you smell. Even on your stinky days.”

“You smell good too...” he turns his face towards her, nose against her temple.   “...strawberries?”

“Your favourite.”

“Yeah...” he grins.  “...they are.”

She relaxes against him; the curves of her body soft and supple against firm muscle.  She keeps her eyes closed; unable to look at that scar for too long. Normally it doesn't bother her; it serves as a daily reminder that he is still alive and she is lucky to have him.  But today it hurts; it cuts deep and vicious and she can't bear it.  

“Where were you when you called?” she asks. “Your cell reception sucked.”

“That's why I hung up and sent you a text message instead.”

“Where were you?”

“Just had a team meeting.  With Yaz, Mark, and his guys.  In an industrial park about ten minutes from town.  We didn't want to take the chance that the wrong people saw us all together.”

“Makes sense.”

“Did Mark call you?”

She hears the tension in his voice, feels the way his muscles tighten, how that vein in the side of his throat begins to pulsate. “No. Why? Should he have called?”

“I thought maybe he would. To rat on me.  We sort of got into a thing.”

“Yeah?” she runs her fingernails along his hair line at the nape of his neck. “Did you finally beat his ass?”

“Not as much as I would have liked to, no. I think I broke his nose though.”

“Well considering you could have broken his neck, a broken nose is pretty tame. What did you get into it about?”

“What do you think?”

“Awww baby....”  she pushes her hand through his hair; letting the longer strands on top slip between her fingers. “...were you defending my honour?  My knight in slightly tarnished armour.”

“I said some things I probably shouldn't have said. But I fucking snapped and it all just came out.  He's just so fucking ignorant and smug and everyone thinks he's this great guy. Which makes me hate him even more. So I lost it. Said some shit I shouldn't have said in front of other people. About you and him.”

“I'm sure whatever you said, he had it coming. So...”

“It wasn't my place to say those things. About you.  I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut. But he just pissed me so bad and...”

“Tyler...” she pulls back to look at him, holding his face in her hands. “...I don't care what you said. It's things that should have been said a long time ago, I'm sure. It's probably things he needed to hear. And if you just so happened to punch him in the face while saying those things...”

“It was an elbow, actually.”

“I'm not going to be upset at you for sticking up for me.  Everything I told you about him...about all the things he did...it was all true. So I don't mind those words being out in the open now.  Maybe now that someone has finally brought them up and holding him accountable for his shit, he'll straighten himself out. You know he's seeing Nik right?”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“It doesn't bother you?”

“I think she can do a hell of a lot better.”

“You don't think it's weird that my ex is doing whatever with your ex?”

“She is not my ex.”

“Well maybe not an ex girlfriend, but she's an ex something.”

“Putting it that way means I have a lot of exes out there.”

“You dirty boy,” she winks at him. “No wonder you know how to do things you do. You have lot of practice under your belt. All those different women in all those different cities. Do you have a score sheet somewhere?”

“It's not that many.  But hey, a man has needs, so...” he shrugs.

“I guess you don't like studying alone that much after all,” she teases, and he gives a scowl and then wraps one arm around waist, lifts her into his chest and then dumps her onto her back in the middle of the bed.  “Is this where you punish me?” she inquires, as he kneels between her thighs and leans over her, a hand on either side of her head, outstretched arms bearing his weight.  “Is there where I get in trouble for being a smart ass?”

Tyler shakes his head, then places a chaste kiss to her lips before sliding down the bed; fingertips gentle as he pulls up the bottom of her t-shirt, pushes down the waistband of her shorts and then presses his lips to her stomach. Where their baby...his baby...is safe and secure. And it's a moment that is so pure and so beautiful...a moment of vulnerability from such a big, strong, brave man...that it brings tears to her eyes.

“Baby...” she reaches down to push his hair out of his eyes.  “...are you okay?”

He nods.

“You don't seem...I don't know...you.”

“I'm fine,” he assures her, giving her that that half frown, half smile that reveals that he is in fact, not fine at all.  And his hands are on her hips as he rests his forehead against her stomach.

“Tyler...” she tugs at his hair, forcing him to look up at her.  “...what's going on? And don't say nothing. Because I can tell there's something happening inside that brain of yours.”

He attempts another smile. This one a little brighter and reassuring. “You know how I get. Right before shit's about to go down.”

“No. This isn't that.  You don't act like this. You're quiet and sullen and broody when you're going into a job. This is different. You're different.”

“I love you,” he says.  “So much. I need you to know that.”

“Tyler...” she frowns. “...what is going on?”

“Say it,” he pleads. “I need to hear you say it.”

“I love you too. You know I do. Tell me what's wrong. I can tell something is wrong.”

“I just wanted you to know that. That I love you. You know, just in case.”

“Don't talk like that.  Please. I don't want to hear you talk like that.”

“There's something I need to do. Something I can't tell you about. It's better that you don't know. I need you to trust me.  That what I'm going to do, I'm doing for you. And the baby.  For our kids.  I don't want you to ask me about it.  Because I can't tell you. It's for your own good. And for mine.”

“Tyler...what...?”

“Just trust me, okay? I need you to trust me. That this is the way things have to be done. I wouldn't do it unless it needed to be done.  Just know that it's for you and my kids.”

“You're scaring me. What's going on?”

“I can't tell you. I'm sorry. I want to tell you. But I can't. I'm so sorry, Esme.”

She see the tears that well in his eyes, hears the emotion that  causes his voice to crack.  “You're going to be okay, right? At least tell me you're going to be okay.”

“I'll be okay,” he promises, pressing one last kiss to her stomach before moving up the bed, once more kneeling between her thighs as he takes her face her hands and kisses her. Long and soft. Heart breakingly sweet.  “I'll be okay.”