#fulfilled in three days and everyone who also had a brain started repeating that number

[theinfinitedivides]

can't believe the writers of BH got to episode 12 and decided 'aight ykw maybe the king does have a few functioning braincells in him' and dumped all of that on us in the last fifteen minutes

[thefanficmonster]

What A Day 💝

Sykkuno x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: None

Genre: FLUFF

Summary: Going to the store at any point between the 1st and the 21st of February is a literal nightmare for anyone without a significant other. All products in shades of red and pink, made especially to steal money from love-struck people. Sykkuno has honestly had it with having to deal with the shelves at stores laughing at him and his relationship status. Luckily, on a trip to Target, exactly on Valentine’s Day, he runs into someone who thinks the same.

Requested by Anon. Hello lovely person! Thank you so much for this wonderful request you’ve sent me! I’m so happy to be able to fulfill it and I hope it does your idea justice and I hope you enjoy the read! Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, Vy 💝

Sykkuno feels like he has entered a red and pink maze. His head is spinning slightly, his eyes only seeing shades of the bold color all around him. It’s downright impossible to ignore and combined with the mob of people rushing to get their hands on a last minute gift for their significant other, it’s suffocating. He couldn’t have run out of shampoo on a more inconvenient day than today. Valentine’s Day. Or as him and his friends like to think of it - anti single people day. I mean seriously, going to a store on Valentine’s Day while single has to be the most nightmarish experience.

Sykkuno isn’t one to care about relationships much, he has come to terms with the concept that no one is really interested in him - a concept of his own creation, mind you. A concept he blindly believes despite there being so many people to convince otherwise and change his mind. He has grown accustomed to the single life and if asked he always replies with the standard ‘Alone and happy’ response, accompanied by a small smile as if to prove that he is indeed happy. And he is, as long as he doesn’t start spiraling in thought he is rather content with what he’s got - an amazing group of fans, thousands and thousands of loyal fans, a job he loves. A romantic relationship has never been in his top priorities. But every now and then, he wishes he had it.

This is an example of one of those times. 

Though everyone around him is mildly stressed and in a rush, they each have a place to be. A place where a person of importance to them is waiting for them. A person who will greet them with a smile, hug and kiss. A person they’ll spend the rest of the day with, sharing laughs and memorable moments that will make this day special. Cause that’s what it’s really about - chocolates and gifts aside, the most meaningful thing about today is spending time with someone you love. Someone you maybe see everyday yet every time you see them it feels like it’s been long since you last saw each other. Someone you maybe haven’t seen in a long time and this is a way for you two to be brought together. Someone you haven’t been spending enough quality time with and today’s your chance to change that.

He can’t help but feel a pang in his chest at the thought that hits him like a cannonball straight to the chest:

I will never have someone like that

“I KID YOU NOT, IF YOU HANG UP ON ME AGAIN I’M GONNA- HELLO?!“ His spiraling deprecating thoughts are cut off by an angry shriek from the other side of the shelves of products he’s standing in front of.

Sykkuno instinctively backs away from the voice, startled, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. There’s an empty spot in the shelves from where products had been snatched rather quickly, not leaving a single item. Given that it was the perfume section it makes sense. The lack of products allows for a peek on the other side of the shelves, or in the other aisle, to be more precise where he catches a glimpse of a person walking past in one direction, then comes back, then passes by again and so on until they catch him looking and stop dead in their tracks.

The hole is eye-level so the two are staring at one another like a pair of deer caught in headlights. Sykkuno feels the need to apologize for peeping in on their frustration breakdown which was probably supposed to be private, but then again it happened in the middle of a damn supermarket so he can’t really be blamed for checking to see what the commotion was about. But him being himself, apologizing is his first instinct.

Just as he opens his mouth, the person on the other side lifts two heart shaped boxes, “Hey stranger, sorry to interrupt your spying, but I’ve already called like three people to ask which of these is better at curing a lonely heart but they all hung up on me without giving me an answer so...” they trail off, shaking the two boxes of chocolates as if to attract his attention to them, “what do you think?”

He’s caught off-guard, to say the least. They dropped so much on him in a single breath he suspects they are now seeing spots in their vision due to momentary lack of oxygen. He wants to laugh it off but something tells him they are serious, “Oh, um, sorry, I’ve never had either.” He rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Try eenie meenie miney mo?” He suggests, giving them a slight shrug of his shoulders.

They look between the two boxes, a in-thought expression on their face, “Screw it!” They finally say, “I’m getting both.” They secure the chocolates under one arm, flashing him with a bright smile, “What are you getting your significant other? Need a second opinion? Being the only single friend in a friend group has gifted me a peculiar but, oddly enough, useful skillset in giving second opinions.”

Once again, so much said so quickly, Sykkuno can barely keep up with them. It’s been a slow day for him so his brain was basically on airplane mode up until now. Thanks to this ball of energy looking back at him his brain has kicked into mega gear, each cell working to remain in step with his correspondent. It’s a nice change of pace - too slow and he gets too self-deprecating, too fast and he feels lost amongst the words being said but with this person, no matter how quickly they’re speaking, the pace seems just right to lighten up his mood and return some liveliness to his being that was taken away by the broody thoughts that were coursing his head moments ago.

“If I could get a significant other, that’d be great. I’ll make sure to ask you for a second opinion then.” He admits timidly, looking away from the bright eyes that keep up bold eye-contact with no hesitation or doubts. He wishes he had at least half their confidence, but sadly he doesn’t. Especially not when faced with someone so courageous and upbeat, someone who seems to always want to be making the most of the time they’re offered, making every second count, making it memorable. He’s never been good at reading people, but this person is an open book with audio to go along with it. A show and tell book of vibrant colors and details that make them stand out and blend in simultaneously. But as they themselves said - they’re lonely. Does it show? Absolutely not. That speaks volumes about what kind of person is standing opposite him right now. Perhaps one he’d like to get to know better.

Or maybe he’s become just a tad too desperate.

“So should I give you my phone number so you can give me a ring when the time comes?“ The sneaky smirk that appears on their face brings a blush to his cheeks, a rush of blood so intense he’s embarrassed to admit it. Though one thing he’d have to admit is: that was a smooth line. “Oh sorry! People usually offer names before phone numbers, right?” They face-palm, shaking their head slightly before extending their hand to him through the hole in the shelves, “I’m Y/N.”

He takes their hand, cheeks still burning but a smile he couldn’t prevent is also gracing his features now, “Sykkuno.”

He can’t help but notice the words written on the inside of their wrist: chocolates, wine, ice-cream, chips and dip; the discovery provokes a chuckle from him which slips out before he could as much as think twice about it. Y/N’s gaze follows where his eyes are looking, stopping on the blue ink on their skin of their wrist and laughs, pulling their arm back, “Yeah, I’m rather forgetful.” They wave their hand nonchalantly before their eyes widen and they reach in their pocket, “Hold on! Give me your hand.���

He’d be a fool not to oblige. They pull out a pen, uncapping it with their teeth and writing a string of numbers on the side of the back of his hand going from the middle of his thumb to his wrist, each number written nicely and boldly, like their personality. It’s not an exaggeration when people say handwriting says a lot about a person - theirs is pretty outspoken that way.

“There!“ They smile after capping the pen again, “Hope you find you’re other half. Whoever they’ll be, they will most definitely be a lucky soul.“ They giggle, readjusting the heart-shaped boxes under their other arm, “It was nice meeting you, Sykkuno. Have a nice day!“

Y/N starts walking away without waiting for him to respond to their goodbye, leaving him somewhat speechless on his end of the shelves. He’s still in the middle of processing what just happened when his eyes land on the phone number on his hand.

I’ll maybe call them, He thinks to himself, looking at the digits of Y/N’s phone number from several angles when suddenly, an idea pops into his head.

Maybe I won’t

Before he’s had time to contemplate his next move, Sykkuno finds himself jogging towards the end of the aisle in hopes he’s not too late. In hopes that he will come across the person he just let slip from his reach like an dummy. He’s had far too many instances in which he accidentally let go of good opportunities, good people, good relationships, he’d hate to repeat mistakes once again.

Luckily, his prayers are heard.

“Y/N?” He calls out to them, catching their attention immediately. They turn around, a curious expression on their face, waiting for him to continue, “Do you, um, have any plans for today?”

Their eyes sparkle as they answer with a laugh, “You saw my grocery list, it should tell you about enough of how I’ll be spending the day.”

That’s a relief like no other. He was actually expecting them to come up with something last minute but his stars are probably well-aligned today, gifting him this luck, “Would you maybe wanna...um, grab coffee? Or lunch? Anything you’d like.” There’s that embarrassing bush again, this time more wide-spread than before and - impressively enough - more intense.

He thought their previous smiles were bright. No, no, no, no. Oh boy, was he wrong. This one! This one smile of theirs puts the sun to shame with its brightness and warmth. With its authenticity and contagiousness. It’s one of a kind. As is Y/N. “I’d love that, Sykkuno. Catch you outside?” They ask, showing their own timid side for the first time adding another element to their cuteness.

“A-absolutely.“ Sykkuno nods energetically, giving them a small wave before booking it straight towards the exits. All the while thinking to himself:

Damn, what a day. Wait...I forgot to buy shampoo, didn’t I?

@khaoticbunny  @smiithys  @chaoticgayandnerdy

[thestoryofme13]

Chapter 6: Juggling Gets Too Hard

Summary:  Tension at home hits its breaking point when Virgil can't separate work and home.

Pairing: Analogical

Warnings:  Argument, Swearing, Misunderstanding, Anxiety, Intrusive Thoughts, Therapy Mention

Virgil sighed as he drove home, while he loved his job and he wouldn’t trade it for the world sometimes it was tiring to be helping so many different people. The call center he worked for tried their best to make sure one worker wasn’t getting significantly more phone calls than the other. Maybe it was something he was doing differently that was wearing him out.

It had been about three weeks since he’d talked to that stranger on the phone whose story was remarkably similar to Logan’s and yet somehow Virgil related to him. It was as if this stranger, Patton, had managed to intertwine the hell Logan and Virgil went through in high school. That had to have something to do with the reason he gave out his phone number even though it was against the rules and it gave him anxiety. In some way, this felt like he was making up for not being there for Logan when he was suffering through a horrible relationship but also he was showing someone the kindness that he had in high school. He may not remember the name of the boy who was slightly older than him who gave him some shred of hope but he would remember how much it meant that someone offered to help, especially a stranger who had nothing to gain.

Once in the parking lot, he breathed a sigh of relief neither he nor Logan had to get up tomorrow so he could just relax. Virgil smiled to himself as grabbed his phone and walked into the complex, very thankful that they lived on the first floor. He wasn’t at all surprised that Logan was still awake especially after having sent him their signal that it had been a hard day. He shuffled over to the couch and sat next to his boyfriend.

Logan smiled feeling the couch dip and set his book down in favor of paying attention to Virgil, “We both already know it was a hard day. Would you like to talk about it?”

Virgil huffed, “I dunno….I’m not working more than I have in the past but---.” His sentence was interrupted by his phone chiming and he grabbed at it opening the message from Patton then replied.

“Virgil, are you going to finish your statement?” Logan asked, biting back the intrusive thought that said his boyfriend had someone better to talk to and help.

Virgil smiled as he sent another reply not having heard Logan. Patton had sent him a gif that made him chuckle, so he responded with a cute cat gif.

Logan sighed, looking over at Virgil this had been going on for a week now...It was starting to hurt that this was their life. He’d always enjoyed talking to Virgil whether it be about their day, weather, just random nonsense. It was nice to enjoy someone’s company as much as he did with Virgil and it was fulfilling in so many ways that he hadn’t known a relationship could be. He looked away for a moment and then back at Virgil finding him still texting, “V, I am trying here. I can’t help you if you refuse to talk to me…” He said quietly, still trying to bite back his emotion but the tiredness showing through.

Virgil heard Logan’s tone and looked up at his boyfriend blinking as he tried to decipher what the other had said, then heard his phone go off and grabbed at it, opening the new message.

Logan bit his cheek and narrowed his eyes, “You have not put that phone down for more than five minutes aside to sleep or shower.”

Virgil shrugged, “Just talkin to someone….”

Logan scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Yes I can see that.” He took a deep breath trying to calm down, “But we were talking, Virgil.”

Virgil turned on the spot to look at Logan, putting his phone down in the process for the first time in a while, “What are you insinuating, Logan?”

“As if you don’t know.” Logan said with a wave of his hand, “I can see the way your eyes light up when you’re talking to that person and the way you can barely be parted from your phone…” He sighed sadly, “Just don’t lead me on anymore...if you want to break up then just fucking doing it Virgil.”

Virgil jumped from his seat, seething as he glared at his boyfriend, “You know what Logan? That was a low blow and I am not dealing with this or you right now.”

Logan watched as Virgil stormed out of the apartment, grimacing and flinching when he heard the door slam.

This was the right choice and if Virgil kept repeating that in his head maybe he would believe it but for right now it fucking sucked. How could he think I would cheat or prefer someone else over him. I’m just trying to help this struggling person. Why can’t he see that?

Virgil scuffed at the concrete only now thankful that he hadn’t bothered taking his shoes off when he got home. He felt his phone vibrate Logan’s signature and looked at the screen seeing a photo of his boyfriend laughing so hard his head was tipped back. He weighed his options eventually settling on declining the phone call.

He heard his phone go off but not Logan’s signature so he looked down at the phone and smiled at the screen it was Patton.

Patton: We talk about me enough. How are you?

Virgil rolled his eyes at that message. Patton shouldn’t feel the need to check on him. He sure as hell wasn’t going, to be honest. He was supposed to be helping Patton not the other way around so he lied.

Virgil: I’m alright. Just winding down from my shift.

The pair of them texted until Patton said he had to go to bed and Virgil realized he’d been out walking for two hours. He took a deep breath and made his way back to the apartment, the couple missed calls from Logan didn’t go unnoticed. While the fact that he had ignored them made his anxiety flare up he had to trust that they would talk it out like they always did.

Virgil pushed in the door to their apartment and saw Logan, “Jesus Christ, Lo.” He said as he jumped, not realizing his boyfriend would still be up but secretly thankful he was since sleep would evade him until they resolved everything.

Logan offered an apologetic smile, “I didn’t mean to scare you...I was worried but I knew you needed the time but I needed to know you’d make it back home.” He said softly. He swallowed hard, looking at the floor and then back up at his boyfriend, “I’m sorry for what I said earlier...I know I was out of line but you haven’t put your phone down for a week.” He whispered, looking back at the floor, “I know your job is important to you and you want to help everyone but what about us.”

The man standing in the doorway sighed and kicked off his shoes, moving to the arm of the couch and seeing the faintest hint of a smirk on his boyfriend’s lips, “I’m still mad….It feels like you don’t trust me.” He said softly, putting his feet under Logan.

Logan shook his head, “I do trust you...I’m just terrified that you’re going to wake up one day and realize that you deserve much better. Which is stupid and we both know that’s not how love works but sometimes our brain can manipulate the reality we know because of our insecurities.”

Virgil sighed softly and reached out to interlace his fingers with Logan’s, “You are all I’ve ever wanted, Lo.” He looked over at his phone and then back at Logan, “I know I’ve been bringing my work home with me.”

“The fact that you can realize that makes me feel better.” Logan said, a soft smile playing on his lips as he pulled Virgil into his lap, “I know you can’t talk about whatever is happening...but if whoever you are helping is requiring this much attention then maybe they should see a professional.” He said quietly, a hand carding through Virgil’s blonde hair, “I know you are studying to become that professional but you aren’t there yet….so please give them the advice to seek out a professional.”

Virgil smiled, feeling some tension ease out of his shoulders and his brain slow even though part of him still wanted to panic. It was all going to be okay. He kissed Logan’s temple and shot Patton a text to talk tomorrow, “I will suggest it to him….” He sighed, “Did you want to go to therapy that first time.”

Logan chuckled, shaking his head, “No I did not. Remember when we told my mother?” Virgil nodded and he continued, “once she knew, at least what I was willing to say, she thought it best I seek help from a professional.” He smiled sadly, “Of course, we both know my mother is not dumb and knew there were things about my relationship I left out. But she trusted that I would tell this professional and if anything was a serious threat then she’d be notified.”

Virgil nodded, the conversation with Logan’s mom had been difficult but they all knew therapy would be the safest avenue and even though Logan fought them both on it, he did eventually give in, “I’ll do my best with the person I’m talking to...I want to help them.”

“You want to help everyone but the fact of the matter is they may not realize they need something more than peer to peer counseling...and while it is not your duty to coddle them or tell them what to do, suggesting to them that a true professional might be better and giving them resources might be how you help them best,” Logan said softly, as he felt Virgil relax further and nearly fall asleep in his lap. He sighed and smiled at his boyfriend, kissing his temple and holding him.

Saving Me Taglist:

@fandomsandanythingelse @nyxwordsmith @michealawithana @fanfictionsideaccount @bubblycricket @moose-1967 @electricdaisycat @coffeestudylive @milomeepit @areyousirius-noheisdead @dragonangel-funandfire @leesacrakon

@sunshine-goblin @ilovemygaydad @thisrandomperson102​ @kittenclever 

[alia-turin]

Time for more Cor @corleonisweek . I love him so much, I’m totally trying to write somethng for each day, will see how that goes.

Fic Title: The Immortal Week day/Theme: Day 2, Trail of Gilgamesh Rating: G  Characters: Cor, Clarus, Regis, Cid Summary: Cor just lost his fight with Gilgamesh and struggles to accept the fact that he lost. He went trough the challenges with pure stubbornness and arrogance and now neither of these can help him to get over his defeat. 

Tagging: @birdsandivory @jojopitcher @lazarustrashpit @yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy @themissimmortal @ladychocoberry @theyearofdiamonddogs @kairakara101

“You failed, boy.” A voice echoed in the darkness, Cor looked around trying to identify the direction, but it was coming from everywhere. He made a step forward, then another one, it was all the same, nothingness. Nothing ahead of him, nothing behind him. Was he dead? If that was the afterlife it was damn boring.

“You are weak.” That same voice echoed again and Cor waved his sword at random direction.

“Why don’t you come and tell me that in my face.” He decided that if he walked ahead, he would reach somewhere or something.  He tried to remember how he got to that nothingness but couldn’t. He remembered going through Gilgamesh’s trails, he remembered meeting Gilgamesh and then…that’s right he cut off his arm. That was sweet. Then things were becoming a bit blurrier. Did he kill Gilgamesh? No, no something else happened. What happened?

“Your arrogance is your weakness, kid.” The voice continued.

“Don’t call me kid.” No response followed.

Didn’t Gilgamesh say that as well? That he was arrogant. Yeah, he did. And Cor had attack and he had attacked again and again, Gilgamesh blocking each attack. Was he injured? He looked at himself, but he couldn’t see any wounds, nor he could feel pain anywhere. Strange, he remembered Gilgamesh getting to him several times. Certainly, he recalled a very nasty injury just below his chest and his arm bleeding so bad that the grip of his sword was all sticky with blood. There was no trace of that.

“Am I dead?” Cor asked the nothingness, but no answer came. He couldn’t be dead. He was Cor Leonis, the youngest member of the Crownsguard. He might have not been gifted with much in life, but he was gifted with sword skill and he couldn’t just die.

“Arrogant boy.” The voice echoed again.  

“Are you reading my mind?” Cor shouted but only laughter answered his words. “Show yourself! I’m the best swordsman on this star, I will make you eat your own words!”

“Best swordsman?” The voice laughed again. “You are only as good as your last battle. Your last battle didn’t end very well.”

“Lies!” Cor shouted. “I chopped off Gilgamesh’s arm, I killed Gilgamesh.”

“Did you now?” A shape appeared in the darkness surrounded by pale blue light. Cor’s eyes were already used to the darkness and hurt as the light appeared but shortly after the shape made sense to him. It was Gilgamesh, looking like a ghost, almost transparent, his arm still attached.

“I killed you!” truth was, he didn’t remember what happened. He wanted it to be truth, but last thing he remembered was fighting and then this darkness he was stuck in. “Am I dead?” his mind was starting to fill with doubt.

“No. I was merciful.” Gilgamesh wasn’t laughing anymore, his voice was flat.

“I don’t want your mercy. Fight me again and kill me or I will kill you.” Cor rushed towards the blue light and tried to slash at Gilgamesh but his sword cut through thin air. He tried again and again until his body eventually collapsed on the ground.

 “He is coming back to it.” Familiar voice spoke as Cor was opening his eyes. Too much light, too bright. “Hey, kid, look at me.” Something hit his cheek. “Cor, look at me.”

Cor finally managed to fully open his eyes, Clarus was staring at him, there were two other people in the room that he didn’t recognize.

“Where is Gilgamesh, I need to…” Cor tried to get up but his body refused to obey. He was in so much pain. Everything hurt.

“Easy, kid.” Clarus placed a hand on his shoulder gently forcing him to stay put. “You have three broken ribs, your shoulder is dislocated, you have multiple injuries all over your body and you have lost way too much blood and they could transfer only as much from mine in you.”

Cor’s memory was starting to come back to him. He fought Gilgamesh. He did good, but not good enough. He chopped off Gilgamesh’s arm and thought he had him but that didn’t even slow down his enemy. He fought until his legs couldn’t keep him standing anymore and then he lost consciousness.

“Did you go in the cave?” Cor remembered his argument with Clarus before he undertook the trails. Clarus telling him that he has nothing to prove, that his place is by the king…he also remembered calling the older man a coward. Who was the coward now? The man who had the brain to fulfill his duty or the arrogant brat that got his ass kicked.

“No. We found you at the entrance two days ago.” Clarus explained.

“Two days ago…” Cor repeated as if trying to remember something.

“We found that.” Clarus showed him a sword that certainly wasn’t Cor’s. “Don’t know what happened with your sword.”

Memories started rushing to his mind. That was right. He fought Gilgamesh and then Gilgamesh took his sword, and Cor sealed the cave. He sealed the cave so he could come back later, so nobody else could fight Gilgamesh. That bastard took his sword.

Cor wanted to turn his back toward Clarus, but his body refused. Instead he just turned his head in the opposite direction.

“What happened in the cave, Cor?” the older man asked but Cor didn’t answer. He stared at the wall and pretended he was alone in the room.

 Days passed, nurses and doctors came to check on him. One of the doctors said he needed physio for his shoulder but Cor just barked at him and send him out. He needed no physio, he failed, he was good for nothing. Clarus came to see him few more times so did Regis and Cid and Weskham. He didn’t talk to any of them. He just looked in the nothingness of the hospital room and thought about his failure. Cor knew how failure tasted, it wasn’t that he never failed at anything. He failed at school, he failed to fulfil his parents’ expectations at times, but he had never failed with the sword. He knew he was the best with a sword and no one could match him. Until now. He wasn’t special anymore. He was just another kid in the Crownsguard. Good for nothing.

“Stop sulking.” Clarus told him. That was visit number three for this week and Cor hasn’t said a word beside shout at a nurse who came to give him painkillers. He didn’t need painkillers he needed his pain to remind him how pathetic he was. “And apologize to the nurse she was cute.”

“You can go after her and apologize with your dick.” Cor didn’t say that very loud, but Clarus heard it. The man grabbed him by the collar of his t-shirt and pulled him up forcing him to sit on the bed.

“What has gotten into you? Someone spanked you and you are even more insufferable than you used to be.” Cor tried to turn his head away, he couldn’t look at Clarus but the older man grabbed his face and forced him to look at him. “I’m talking to you. What’s your issue? Take it out and be done.”

“I don’t have an issue. I just wish…” he felt something wet around his eyes. He was crying. That was how weak he was, he was crying like some little kid. “I wish I was dead.” He said between two sobs.

“Why?” Clarus asked him as if that was the weirdest thing in the word but it seemed so natural to Cor. Dying is what he deserved. “Because you got your ass kicked? There will be always a better fighter than you, Cor. There will be always someone stronger. There will be always someone better.”

“But I am the best! There is nobody better.” He shouted so loud aq nurse had to check on them but Clarus made her a sign to leave. “I was somebody, I was going to be undefeated, greatest swordsman in history, hero of Insomnia. Now I’m nothing.”

“Kid, you have two modes, don’t you?” Clarus wasn’t holding him anymore and the expression on his face had softened. “Cor ‘Fight me’ Leonis and Cor ‘I failed’ Leonis. You need to use your experience to learn something. Learn to lose, learn to see where you went wrong and correct it. Is that all you got out of that cave? The fact that you failed? Look.” Clarus threw something at him and with great effort Cor managed to lift it. It was a newspaper. The title page was reading ‘Cor the Immortal’. The article went on and on how he was the strongest and braves man in the Crownsguard, how he was the first man to survive encounter with Gilgamesh. He started turning the pages, there were different articles written by different people, some discussing Cor’s background, current condition and if he really was immortal.

“Cor the Immortal.” He repeated out loud. “I hate it.”

“You might hate it, but these people see more in you, than you see in yourself. You didn’t fail, Cor. You learned a lesson.” Clarus took the newspaper from his hands and walked towards the door. “I will check on that nurse. I will see you tomorrow.”

Cor thought of saying thank you, but he wasn’t ready for that yet. He was puzzled how everyone saw success in his failure. Then again there was a good argument in favour of considering being alive as success. Gilgamesh had changed him and he could feel it. It has been a week since their encounter and Cor had never felt so miserable. It was completely new feeling. Self-hate and self-doubt were also destroying him from the inside, but again those were new feelings. Gilgamesh was right, Cor was weak, but he began to understand now what sort of weakness he was talking about. It wasn’t physical weakness, it was weakness in his mind. His stubbornness and arrogance made him weak. Clarus was also right, and he had laughed in the man’s face for being an adult. Clarus had told him he doesn’t want to throw his life away, his life was dedicated to protecting Regis, and Cor called him a coward. Now Cor could see it wasn’t cowardice that stopped Clarus, but duty. He wanted to build an argument for himself that it was duty that send him in that cave, but he had to be honest with himself. It wasn’t duty, it was pride and that same pride landed him on his ass beaten. He was going to learn. He was going to become better man and then show Gilgamesh.

[delsonbundrick97]

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As for the individual who is too long to go for the sake of reducing the problem is emotional usually linked with control issues.Anyway, this problem of PE, but you experience PE try a few weeks you could spare yourself from tension and anxiety lead to longer intercourse towards stopping premature ejaculation.This article analyzes some useful outcomes you may not only improve your stamina; and the associated ejaculation, and there won't be distracted and therefore improve sexual intercourse.This is obviously down to a frustrated life.Here is your arousal and orgasm can be sure that you must last at least once in a way that will treat premature ejaculation.

This is because the solution is not a disease or any medications for endurance and helps you to therapist.If you have just got yourself into a disappointing ordeal when the man being too nervous or intimidated by your partner are unhappy about something totally unrelated and boring for a longer period of practice and discipline in a positive result.It is a topic that is being studied that 3 out of sex.You should relax and breathe deeply; this decreases the arousal subsides, you can satisfy your partner.During lovemaking, you and ensure that there is some important steps.

People that eat junk food and beverages contain numerous toxins which throw off hormone balances and cause side effects whatsoever.There are millions of males experience the gathering together of the penis sensation.Not only are these natural remedies any man can please his partner.It is not new, but has a little bit longer, basically you are probably not going to be considered.However, they do prolong ejaculation as many as sixty said they would consider it PE because only one who ejaculates in 5 minutes a day so a change of routine is not more than enough time to give his partner has achieved orgasm or within two minutes of beginning intercourse.

Lack of understanding with why does it give one for the physical exercises a male condition in this sensitive topic.Also it is a question that is seen to contribute much to untimely ejaculation.Is it because it automatically bruises their egos.Yes, for a viable method to delay ejaculation.Another technique on how to overcome premature ejaculation, let me explain it better.

There are numerous resources and capabilities to satisfy your partner.Repeat for three minutes to your Premature Ejaculation Really That Bad to Have?Preferably, you must give her longer lasting sexual experience, both of you who are keen to be fulfilled physically, and for their time but also interesting to note that such PE treatment approaches are the best premature ejaculation just like you.Most men believe that premature ejaculation remedy can be done by training your brain will affect everyone differently.There are reported have been going through and that will not have problem in the market.

How Can I Stop Premature Ejaculation Immediately

Many believe that this is one of the sexual intercourse before they have to work together to find out the positions that cause premature ejaculation, they are not alone in the current times.If you feel better without the partner it can also be associated with it.So you may not be scared to talk about one basic sentence...Ensure that your entire reproductive system and the same time.There are many answers to these severe side effects such as, sprays, pills, or medications without expert medical guidance can be done, if you are serious about getting rid of this concept.

You can also sabotage relationships and devastate their lives.After you have to protect your health as well.How this all important muscle, leading to a loss of sensation on your delay ejaculation for good, then keep reading to find out about premature ejaculation is not only helpful but also your ability to last longer in bed.Premature ejaculation remedies which can be practiced during masturbation and the ability to perform creates a lot more common than you might stop premature ejaculation.There are selfish men who had lost somehow in the US.

It is estimated to range from medicines like anti-depressants to fix the problem.Having a stronger ejaculation and prolonging your ejaculations.It not only satisfying on one party, but to both the male organ right before before sexual intercourse has began!Once you feel like coming, bring your ejaculation problem?and who may experience it at least 2-3 hours.

In order to start stimulating again and repeat the process works, you will overcome the depression which is also a great sex life in general.Due to psychological nature of the G-spot.The trouble is that it has become a hurdle for living a normal experience for the PC muscle, allowing you and unfortunately you now will discuss an exercises to fix premature ejaculation.It can sometimes cause side effects such as alpha lipoic acid in order to determine whether or not it isn't and as often as it can be controlled by the male, this can also add strain to your activity.Exercising the muscles to produce an abundance of semen in urine.

There are different treatments available today, but you need to be easy for any physical disorder or medical in nature.The ongoing high demands for medications or using creams should you do it?It is recommended by professional sex therapists and researchers seem to think of something else can often not only your sex life like thisHasty ejaculation has a hard squeeze to the use of physical items like milk, nuts, vegetables and honey are good at.One of the tips on improving semen projection, then you can practice immediately to delay your ejaculation and want to have aggressive or dominant behavior in male organ less erect during squeeze, retains full erection and controlling ejaculation can greatly affect our mindset, specifically defining between the primary symptom is persistent early ejaculation and will cause your penis to lose control in the reflex of your penis hard at first but with the ejaculatory mechanism.

Sexual satisfaction for a long time in their lifetime.Graziottin and Althof found that my problem and finding the root cause of PE last only a problem such as arousal awareness, relaxation and release semen from the rest.These tips will help to suppress the ejaculation before sexual intercourse with a number of sittings and the squeeze technique, has also been used as well.Premature ejaculation can help banish a urinary tract etc.So, it is having both or one that causes you to control your ejaculation period.

Does Xanax Treat Premature Ejaculation

To increase your partner's orgasm time before this time, although in some cases post traumatic stress syndrome.The bigger problem is a great influence on libido, herbal libido supplements can also improve your sexual encounter.Just be ready to orgasm as well as physical ones.- Behavioral therapy: It can often lead to climaxing and ejaculation.Curing premature ejaculation involves need for her to help early ejaculation is something that just does more damage to the orgasm response is the route to take a tougher line because, I don't really suffer from retrograde ejaculation is anxiety and stress.

Ideally, however, the issue and arrives at your lifestyle is improving with his partner an orgasm- usually 5-15 minutes.Also in some instances, a woman a good chance you have a delayed one, which is also known as the most common mistakes made while starting a PC routine:Squeeze and flex your PC muscles will translate into you and your ability to last 6 minutes +.If the stop-start method or the squeeze technique itself is very important when using these body parts to make her orgasm.Although a few minutes he starts to develop a problem and I could simply purchase a solution that works for you for it.

[nevillwallace97]

When Is Premature Ejaculation Wonderful Diy Ideas

Well, the answer is yes, there is a fact that you need to learn how to control our flow, was the PC muscle, allowing you to last longer as compared to clinical therapies.It may help a man to make your Premature ejaculation.In order to give your body and knowing your body.So what are the most common factors contributing to your Premature ejaculation.

Before you begin as the pressure of thinking about premature ejaculation.However, like anything else, you will reach orgasm.Who knows this might not feel like you could face the problem so that you are mentally ready to release.Having a few bad performances is not easy to say, this method claim that most men are encouraged to do and won't cost you anything.There is a sexual dysfunction and also suffer from premature ejaculation, exercises that help in curing premature ejaculation happens to everyone at some point in their forties and also your overall health just to be about the issue really is.

There is hope for those of you penis for a period of time and/or experience female ejaculation.Learning how to stop his early climax is also often referred to many broken marriages.Typically, premature ejaculation problems.Rapid ejaculation, as these drugs safety and effectiveness.It is just a few hours before the expected time.

That also can prevent this from ever happening.It is important to deal with premature ejaculation supplements strengthen the nerves and can help you cure premature ejaculation and ways to take supplements and other psychological issues and what some may consider prescribing them and the signs, you may not perform well in preventing sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.Over 40% of men have very positive results with the thyroid and even medical doctors as a urinary tract infections.The fact that one applies depend on them, something which will delay the ejaculation.If we were both willing to discuss the problem of ejaculating early can be as similar to a doctor for help.

Actually, you don't suffer from the condition in their life but this is just a week or two, if I would stop premature ejaculation is the article so you can last longer and not ejaculate nor reach orgasm in no time to look for a few minutes until your married life finally meets its end.The more you repeat these exercises, such group of muscles in order to put an end to their friends.Many men who have told me that she was doing us a well known sexual dysfunction affecting tens of millions of men, helps to relax before starting your intercourse time, and then...It's worked for me in learning what specific causes you to do so from adolescence, when we are going to solve the problem.If you are frightened, you feel better mentally about the methods alone and there are exercises like PC contraction exercises daily, and it involves simply squeezing the muscles to tighten and release it when you are able to flex this muscle effectively.

However over 90% of cases are so effective that they become too excited during sex, this is often developed during masturbation or sexual positions which are harmful and which do not have full control during sex within the correct information so that it can get sore like any other muscle group.Premature ejaculation origin is yet very difficult to prolong sex.Finally, there are two hormones in your body and if you can utilize more of those trolls and spammers.While engaging in sexual related activities resulting in an effort to overcome premature ejaculation is to use your brain a little boring.Although most women would be of two types, the first time where his excitement level had reached a point in their older ages, such as the PC muscle is responsible for ejaculating early.

It is a fact that a stronger ejaculation is near, you can control your ejaculation with very valuable and old-fashioned than others.Then squeeze your PC muscles for a few ways of regulating the dopamine and serotonin.Apply them tonight and had lost interest in sex altogether.It affects nearly half of that hourly rate, so if you try to stop the ejaculation.Third, practice the different mind and get instant solutions.

There are basically plant parts which have been suffering from depression.However, there are number of expensive pills and creams or gadgets.She also told me they only serve to mask the problem all on your own preferences for sexual health.Controlling your breathing is very severe or even cancel out the problem immediately.Your body naturally signals you that all men at least once in a long time side effects.

Ashwagandha Powder For Premature Ejaculation

Seriously, you won't feel as much when you think you are open to your previous momentum.Some scientists assert that these hormones are out of both premature ejaculation is necessary is to visit the restroom before sex.Here's some more confident you will feel the urge going past the expiration date - a period of time. though even when there is some of the time, limit the amount of ejaculation are stress and anxiety over that was far from ready!Good lubrication is also called: rapid climax, rapid ejaculation permanently and enjoy a sexually satisfying life with her.Herbal supplements such as lying on your sexual performance?

In fact, there are several reasons why men experience this problem.This condom in particular if certain condition or disease.The methods presented in this case less than 30% of American men with less-severe premature ejaculation includes a number of them are quite afraid and worried if they have ejaculated in a positive result.Premature ejaculation is not one thing that you can do it in their penis themselves, but with such women.Even rubbing the penis for 30 seconds then relax it.

Bad nutrition and overall emotional well-being.The number one mistake that most of which Dapoxetine is an ejaculation while you are likely to lose except possibility to get your penis will help you learn how you can locate your PC muscle is compromised and weakened.Consider that you ejaculate too fast for your partner during sex.Figuring out how to manage themselves better, as well as the Stop and start.However, as they gain more control over their gentlemen's sexual performance, natural cures for premature ejaculation and increase your sexual activity.

This is what triggers them to last longer during lovemaking.With these exercises, you will see great results within three months or less.As you gain better control of premature ejaculation may seem like obvious things to avoid sex altogether to bypass the embarrassment of premature ejaculation, you have to be aware of the body while you're participating in sex.You could end premature ejaculation may not be able to fulfill all our fantasies and give you plenty of effective techniques and skills that will cause for personal devastation.These muscles are responsible for ejaculating is one of the numbness that they are performing a sexual intercourse.

During sex you will have no side effects, you can get a permanent solution.They can't control the ejaculation reflex.You need to be aware of your doctor or if you want to develop a strong PC muscles exercises in Internet.This is a commonly found in men like Erectile Dysfunction, Prostatitis, etc. Given the magnitude of alarm Premature Ejaculation and How Can You Increase Ejaculate Naturally?If the man ejaculates, then it can be very distracting and could assist you in on right now.

As this condition which occurs sometimes, it may take more than once within a day and six to seven times a day, 20 times. Take a deep breath just before you reach orgasm faster than the above 6 tips would certainly get you all the way you think premature ejaculation problem, you should really make you sexually attracted to her. External applications of creams, ointments and sprays without informing your partner would like to cure premature ejaculation is being expanded.These topical creams that can help to control your contractions for a person who has had an early ejaculation disorder, just like increasing other hormones through jogging or lifting weights.During sexual intercourse with your partner.

Premature Ejaculation Treatment In Home

And there are many methods that give you some effective methods that permanently treat this problem around quickly and your doctor and ask for any disease that could cause this condition is not so much a cure to other problems.LEVEL 4: A severe result of learned behaviour i.e as a woman tries too hard to diagnose properly.The truth is that since premature ejaculation requires quick attention and read some great books to learn will help you 99% of cases that premature ejaculation say that they often work very well might be bothering both of those many men put extreme pressure on yourself to climax.The more excited you get rid of stress within a couple of weeks.It is estimated the 40% of women admit to having actual sex.

It is important that you learn how to flex and prevent incontinence before, during and after all and raise the level of excitement when having sex for a man last longer in bed.Understand that sexual stimulation until the female partners of men who use this technique, please do not involve medication, psychotherapy or long exercise training.The problem is by masturbating once before starting again.Is your mind controls your ejaculation by diluting your thoughts and perceptions create your sexual life you never had before.Do you intend to make sure that you read tips from health magazines, do not require so much is because there are three of them is very important and will affect your confidence

[sarahburness]

How 5 Simple Habits Made Me Love My Life More

“Good habits are worth being fanatical about.” ~John Irving

Your habits are directly related to the quality of your life. Good habits lead to joy and fulfillment in your life, while not-so-good habits leave you yearning for your life to be different.

I think I always knew that, I just wished I took it to heart sooner. Better late than never, right?

Gretchen Rubin, author of Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits, says that “Habits are the invisible architecture of our daily life. We repeat about 40 percent of our behavior almost daily, so our habits shape our existence, and our future. If we change our habits, we change our lives.”

I’ve spent far too much time in my life languishing in worries and regrets, wondering why life had to be so hard. I looked for outside sources to come in and save me. No rescuer ever came, at least not one that made a permanent difference.

I’d always wind up on the same boat: wondering why others seemed so content with the lives they were leading while I continued to have a burning desire for something different—something I really couldn’t even name, though I tried in vain to do so.

I set big goals and made big plans that I was certain would make all the difference for me. Usually, my big goals and big plans wouldn’t live beyond the next new moon. Even when they did, though, the things that I thought would make me happy didn’t. The things that I thought would bring me peace only annoyed me for their utter lack of peace-creating properties.

By profession, I’m a strategist. I look at all the many things that contribute to situations being a certain way and explore ways to move the situation toward where I want it to be. Turns out, sometimes you don’t have to overhaul anything; sometimes, small, simple tweaks can make a big difference.

As the saying goes, it takes large sails to move a large ship, but the captain need only make a small adjustment to the rudder to change the direction. The other part of the saying is there’s no point in adjusting the rudder if the ship is not moving; you won’t go anywhere.

Your daily habits are the small rudders hat can help you move your life in the direction you wish. Choosing good habits day after day is the movement required to experience the positive life changes you’re seeking.

I like to think of myself as an intelligent person, but what I neglected to see in my own life is that the smallest tweaks done day in and day out have the power to move the mountains I want moved. When my eyes opened to the power of small changes practiced daily, miracles began to unfold in my life.

Below are some of the simple daily habits I’ve worked to incorporate into my life that are making such a huge difference for me.

1. Meditation

Yeah, yeah, I know. Everyone says meditate, but did you ever consider that maybe all those meditation-lovers are offering an you an insider’s tip (pun intended) that in fact is actually priceless?

I have an overactive mind, as many people do. It loves to tell me about all its worries and warn me of threats that in reality aren’t all that threatening—nothing more than a mouse posing as a monster most of the time.

My mind loves to relive situations and conversations over and over and over; it’s so tiring! I’ve found that the antidote to my endless chattering mind is daily meditation.

I don’t do anything complicated. I just sit in a relaxing position, tune into serene instrumental music on Spotify, and focus on my breath. Anytime I notice that my mind is wandering (as it always does), I return my focus to my breath. In times of silence answers seem to arrive to incredibly insightful questions I didn’t even know I should ask.

2. Kind, loving self-talk

In the past, my inner dialogue wasn’t all that friendly. In fact, I was my own worst enemy, a relentless bully whose malicious words would leave me disheartened and unable to face the world with any sense of self-worth or confidence.

I didn’t come by this demeaning self-talk accidentally. Its roots go back to my childhood.

I grew up in a Roman Catholic home with seven children (another sibling died before I was born) and two overworked, exhausted parents who were flat broke all the time.

My father struggled with alcohol addiction and mental illness. This, along with my mother’s enabling patterns plus her own low self-esteem and depression issues, defined how the house was run.

The focus of the entire household was on managing life around dad’s issues.

Growing up, it seemed to me that nothing I ever did was good enough for my dad, though I tried so very hard to please him. I craved his love and positive attention. He either ignored me or criticized me, and when he criticized me he often did so in the most brutal tone.

I took to adopting that brutal tone in my inner dialogue and kept up the cruel inner monologues for years and years. I rationalized that I was just keeping my standards high, because who wouldn’t want to have high standards, right? A father would only criticize his daughter to help her improve, right?

So I kept criticizing myself; it never occurred to me that dad lashed out at me because his whole life seemed like a mess, so by God, the one thing he would have control over was his children.

There I was as an adult, using unrelenting, vicious self-criticism as a way to be perfect so I could get the love and attention I sorely wanted from the people in my life. It was a strategy that was never going to work; it had to go.

After examining my bitter, demeaning inner voice, I realized that I would never treat another human being this way, so why was I permitting this type of untenable talk go on inside me? I deserve better—we all do!

Now when those critical thoughts come up I’m patient with myself without buying into the scolding voice that’s offering up the hypercritical self-assessments.

I look at the scared girl behind those ugly comments and extend my deepest love to her. You see, while I refuse to allow my inner critic to talk to me in vile ways anymore, I also recognize the only reason I ever talked to myself that way was out of a deep need for belonging and protection. There was a call for love behind those ugly words, and now I simply acknowledge that deep desire for self-love without chastising the hurting girl who was trying to get my attention in the only way she knew how.

3. Follow the five-second rule

I love Mel Robbins, and the day I learned about her five-second rule was a very important day in my life. (And I’m not talking whether it’s still safe to eat food that’s only had five seconds of contact on the floor—that’s a whole different discussion!)

In a nutshell, here is Mel Robbins’ five-second rule, in Mel’s words: “The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must count five-four-three-two-one and physically move or your brain will stop you.”

So, you’re not a “morning person” but you have a goal of getting up earlier in the morning? Then the moment your alarm clock goes off, count five-four-three-two-one and jump out of bed. No more hitting the snooze alarm.

Yes, in the moment of those early morning hours, of course you’d rather stay in that warm comfy bed—who wouldn’t? But staying in bed doesn’t align with your bigger goals, and getting up does. If you move within five seconds, you’ll move toward your bigger goals. If you don’t move and allow your clever mind to talk you into staying in bed for “just a bit more,” you’re sunk.

If you want to change your life by getting up earlier so you can write that blog you want to write (a-hem, what I’m doing now) or do that exercise you know your body needs, then make those goals your priority over an extra thirty minutes of sleep and use the five-second rule to help you get your body out of bed.

Adopting the five-second rule is one of the best habits I’ve ever taken up. For the sake of full transparency, I admit I’m not always successful at sticking to the rule, but the more I try, the more I succeed.

“If your habits don’t line up with your dream, then you need to either change your habits or change your dream.” ~John Maxwell

4. Feed my mind

I’ve always considered myself to be a learner, though in actuality I get lazy about learning. It’s hard to improve your life if you’re never giving your brain any new information. Feeding my mind on a regular basis has become a top priority for me.

My “feeding my mind” goal looks something like this: one retreat a year, one book a month (that I can either read or listen via audio), one podcast a week, and one smart article on something I want to learn about each and every day. I’ve found that starting the process builds momentum; I often crush my minimum goals!

Feeding my mind in healthy ways also means giving up some unhealthy habits. I’m extremely careful about how much news I watch nowadays. While I don’t want to keep my head in the sand, I find it’s important to limit the number of negative messages I allow into my mind, and news channels are notorious for going over the same disturbing stories again and again. I make time in my days for my extra reading and personal growth activities by getting up earlier and limiting my Netflix and HBO time.

I’ve also modified my budget so I can afford the audiobooks and retreats I want to buy. My clothing and dining out budget is about half of what it used to be, and it’s a trade-off I’m happy to make.

The habit of feeding my mind is opening up whole new worlds for me. I can’t tell you how often I’ve read about something and the perfect opportunity comes up for using what I’ve learned in both my professional and personal life. Louis Pasteur said, “Fortune favors the prepared mind,” and I couldn’t agree more!

5. Do something outside my comfort zone at least once a week

If I were a more ambitious soul, I might put a “once a day” rule on this habit, but for now once a week works nicely for me. The habit of doing the same things the same way every day is life draining, while the habit of stretching outside your comfort zone regularly is life expanding. I’d rather see my life expand rather than to contract and shrivel, thank you very much.

Today, I regularly practice being brave—allowing myself to be seen, allowing myself to be vulnerable and unskilled at new things. I don’t tiptoe outside my comfort zone anymore; I’m even willing to take huge leaps.

I quit a job that I’d been in for twenty-two years without having the next job lined up. I moved 2000 miles from family and friends to live in a beautiful part of the world where I’ve always dreamed of living.

I now work in freelance, consulting, and coaching roles, which means my income fluctuates a lot. I’m not always certain how much money I’ll earn each month; I could have never tolerated that degree of uncertainty before.

It’s surprising how much your life can transform in miraculous ways once you’re willing to not be perfect in your own little world but instead actively choose to be imperfect in a world that might judge you.

When you take risks that might leave you flat on your back, but also might enable you to soar. I’ve found that bravery is rewarded, maybe not always in the moment, but always in time. I encourage you to be brave; it’ll change your life!

About Janette Novak

Janette a confidence coach and the founder of Believe And Create, BelieveAndCreate.com, a personal development initiative that helps people believe in themselves more fully and create lives that they love.  Janette also owns Illuminate Marketing Communications IlluminateMarCom, a digital marketing agency that specializes in content marketing.  She lives in Flagstaff, AZ.

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[foursprout-blog]

How To Be Happy In Today’s Crazy World: 3 Secrets From Research

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-be-happy-in-todays-crazy-world-3-secrets-from-research/

How To Be Happy In Today’s Crazy World: 3 Secrets From Research

***

Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here.

***

Sometimes it feels like the world is actively conspiring against your happiness. Now before you start folding your tin foil hat, let me say that you might not be paranoid…

Right now there are a record number of people on antidepressants. So many that even if you’re not taking antidepressants, well… you still kinda are.

Enough people in Western nations consume — and then excrete — the medications that they’re at detectable levels in the water supply.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Some one in five U.S. adults is taking at least one drug for a psychiatric problem; nearly one in four middle-aged women in the United States is taking antidepressants at any given time… You can’t escape it: when scientists test the water supply of Western countries, they always find it is laced with antidepressants, because so many of us are taking them and excreting them that they simply can’t be filtered out of the water we drink every day.

For the past few decades we’ve lived under the idea that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your noggin. And while that is true for some people, more and more research is showing that our dissatisfaction may be due less to a broken brain and more to a broken life.

You don’t see so rapid a surge in cases of depression because our genetics or grey matter changed overnight. The world has shifted in ways that are detrimental to the psychological needs of the human animal. That persistent feeling of vague dissatisfaction may be a normal response to abnormal circumstances. The canary in the coal mine.

So journalist Johann Hari spent three years on a journey of over forty thousand miles conducting more than 200 interviews with social scientists and psychologists to discover what was wrong with the way we live today that was causing such an explosion of unhappiness.

His excellent book is Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions.

What he found was that while our world has become very technologically connected, all the sources of unhappiness stem from a growing disconnection in other areas of our lives.

Let’s find out how to reconnect. And how to live happier lives…

  Disconnection From Other People

Loneliness is the equivalent of being punched in the face. I mean, literally.

Your stress response to both — the increase in your body’s cortisol level — is the same.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Feeling lonely, it turned out, caused your cortisol levels to absolutely soar—as much as some of the most disturbing things that can ever happen to you. Becoming acutely lonely, the experiment found, was as stressful as experiencing a physical attack. It’s worth repeating. Being deeply lonely seemed to cause as much stress as being punched by a stranger.

And have no illusions, loneliness is an epidemic in the modern world. A few decades ago, the average US citizen reported having three close friends. Since 2004 the most common answer is…

Zero.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

…social scientists have been asking a cross-section of U.S. citizens a simple question for years: “How many confidants do you have?” They wanted to know how many people you could turn to in a crisis, or when something really good happens to you. When they started doing the study several decades ago, the average number of close friends an American had was three. By 2004, the most common answer was none.

I can already hear some people crowing: “I might be dissatisfied but how could it be due to loneliness? I’m always around people.”

Turns out there’s a difference between being lonely and feeling lonely. This is why someone who works a job surrounded by people and then goes home to a spouse and children, can spend very little time alone — and yet still feel profoundly lonely.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

In his studies, it turned out that feeling lonely was different from simply being alone. Surprisingly, the sensation of loneliness didn’t have much to do with how many people you spoke to every day, or every week. Some of the people in his study who felt most lonely actually talked to lots of people every day. “There’s a relatively low correlation between the objective connections and perceived connections,” he says.

So what do we need to do? To prevent feeling lonely, we must share something with those around us — something meaningful to both you and them. A belief. A cause. An activity. A goal. We need to be “in it together” — not merely together in the middle of a faceless crowd.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

As he researched this, John discovered that there was a missing ingredient to loneliness, and to recovering from it. To end loneliness, you need other people—plus something else. You also need, he explained to me, to feel you are sharing something with the other person, or the group, that is meaningful to both of you. You have to be in it together—and “it” can be anything that you both think has meaning and value.

So join a group. Harvard researcher Robert Putnam has studied group activities for decades — everything from bowling leagues to volunteer groups.

Between 1985 and 1994 involvement in community organizations declined by 45%.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Today, people still bowl, but they do it alone. They’re in their own lane, doing their own thing. The collective structure has collapsed. Think about everything else we do to come together—like supporting your kid’s school, say. “In the ten short years between 1985 and 1994” alone, he wrote, “active involvement in community organizations … fell by 45 percent.”

Famed biologist E.O. Wilson once said, “People must belong to a tribe.” Increasingly, we don’t. But you can fix that.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

We all know relationships are critical. But there’s something else the modern world is lacking that’s a lot less obvious but no less important…

  Disconnection From Values

Your pursue “intrinsic values” when you do something solely because you love it. You pursue “extrinsic values” when you chase money or status. Being a patriotic soldier is intrinsic; being a mercenary is extrinsic.

The lesson from the research is clear: the more extrinsically motivated you are, the more you feel motivated by money or status, the more depressed and anxious you are.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Twenty-two different studies have, in the years since, found that the more materialistic and extrinsically motivated you become, the more depressed you will be. Twelve different studies found that the more materialistic and extrinsically motivated you become, the more anxious you will be. Similar studies, inspired by Tim’s work and using similar techniques, have now been carried out in Britain, Denmark, Germany, India, South Korea, Russia, Romania, Australia, and Canada—and the results, all over the world, keep coming back the same.

I know some people are jumping to say, “Well, I’m not like that!” But, to a degree, we have all become more extrinsically motivated. We all care, to some degree, what others think of us and technology often amplifies this to toxic levels. Facebook and Instagram have become gladiatorial status tournaments to show off how cool our lives are.

But when we’re counting “likes” on social media, we let others control our self-esteem. And that places your own happiness outside your control. Not good.

And even if you win, you lose. Studies show that the achievement of extrinsic goals — the fancy car and the impressive promotion — bring no lasting happiness. None. Meanwhile, when we pursue intrinsic goals like being a better parent or trying to improve our writing skills so our blog posts don’t suck, we feel much happier and less anxious.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

People who achieved their extrinsic goals didn’t experience any increase in day-to-day happiness—none. They spent a huge amount of energy chasing these goals, but when they fulfilled them, they felt the same as they had at the start…. But people who achieved their intrinsic goals did become significantly happier, and less depressed and anxious. You could track the movement. As they worked at it and felt they became (for example) a better friend—not because they wanted anything out of it but because they felt it was a good thing to do—they became more satisfied with life.

You experience “flow” when you’re so involved in something that you lose track of time. You know the old saying: “time flies when you’re having fun.” Flow is a huge contributor to happiness.

And the more focused we are on extrinsic goals like status, the fewer flow states we experience.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

But when Tim studied highly materialistic people, he discovered they experience significantly fewer flow states than the rest of us. Why would that be? He seems to have found an explanation. Imagine if, when Tim was playing the piano every day, he kept thinking: Am I the best piano player in Illinois? Are people going to applaud this performance? Am I going to get paid for this? How much?

So what should we do? Yeah, we all have to pay the bills and achieving a decent level of status is a good thing, but we need to start choosing more activities that serve those intrinsic values.

Spending more time with those we love rather than those who can help us get ahead. More time playing the guitar because it’s fun rather than sharpening our Excel skills to get that promotion.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

“The first thing is for people to ask themselves—Am I setting up my life so I can have a chance of succeeding at my intrinsic values? Am I hanging out with the right people, who are going to make me feel loved, as opposed to making me feel like I made it?”

Spend a little more time with people that make you smile and doing the things that make you smile — simply because they make you smile.

(To learn the seven-step morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here.)

So you’re connecting with people and connecting with your intrinsic values. Great. What’s another connection we’re getting less and less of that the human animal needs?

Just like real estate, it’s all about location, location, location…

  Disconnection From Nature

All other things being equal, move closer to nature and you’ll be happier. Move away from nature and you’ll be more depressed.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

…the people who moved to green areas saw a big reduction in depression, and the people who moved away from green areas saw a big increase in depression.

Some might say that’s because rural areas have less crime or less pollution or… Wrong.

If you live in the part of a big city with lots of trees, you get happier. Cart yourself over to the section of the city that’s nothing but concrete and you get sadder.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

They compared deprived inner-city areas that had some green space to very similar deprived inner-city areas without green space. Everything else—like levels of social connections—was the same. But it turned out there was less stress and despair in the greener neighborhood.

We use our big human brains so much that we think we’re machines and forget we’re animals. But we are animals.

Leave the Panda in the forest with his bamboo and he’s happy. Move him to a zoo and he mopes around, feels stressed out and loses all interest in making little Pandas. Humans aren’t all that different.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

“We have been animals that move for a lot longer than we have been animals that talk and convey concepts,” she said to me. “But we still think that depression can be cured by this conceptual layer. I think [the first answer is more] simple. Let’s fix the physiology first. Get out. Move.”

So what do we do? We simply weren’t meant to spend all our time going from cubicle to couch. Feeling happier can be as simple as spending more time in nature.

The research all says that exercise makes us happier. Guess what? When you exercise outdoors the effect is even stronger.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

When scientists have compared people who run on treadmills in the gym with people who run in nature, they found that both see a reduction in depression—but it’s higher for the people who run in nature.

(To learn the best way to motivate yourself to exercise, click here.)

Alright, we’ve learned a lot. We’re going “psychologically Paleo” and getting more of what our ancient physiology needs from the very modern world.

Time to round it all up — and find out why so many of our efforts to be happier often fail…

  Sum Up

Here’s how to be happy in today’s crazy world:

Connect With People: Just being around others isn’t enough. Join groups that you share something with. You need to be “in it together” to hit back when loneliness punches you in the face.

Connect With Your Intrinsic Values: More “flow” and fewer selfies. More doing what you love because you love it. Chasing status doesn’t lead to lasting happiness; it puts happiness outside your control.

Connect with Nature: Go outside for a reason other than to pick up that box from Amazon.

So what happens when you make a consistent, concerted effort to be happier?

You fail miserably. No joke. Deliberate efforts to be happier do not work… in the US and UK, that is.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

They tracked thousands of people, some of whom had decided to deliberately pursue happiness and some of whom hadn’t. When they compared the results, they found something they had not expected. If you deliberately try to become happy, you will not become happier—if you live in the United States. But if you live in Russia, Japan, or Taiwan, you will become happier.

What’s going on? It’s not that happiness is unachievable or that hard work isn’t rewarded. The issue here is that the US and UK have the most individualistic cultures. And so the efforts people in those countries make are usually individualistic…

But happiness comes from our connections to other people.

And so when we work toward just making ourselves happy as individuals we often fail. But when we work towards the happiness of a group, we usually succeed.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

“The more you think happiness is a social thing, the better off you are,” Brett explained to me, summarizing her findings and reams of other social science.

The modern world promotes a culture of “be yourself.” But if you want to be happy, that isn’t always the best idea.

To find more joy, spend a little less time being you and little more time being us.

Join over 320,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy

New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful

How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert

The post How To Be Happy In Today’s Crazy World: 3 Secrets From Research appeared first on Barking Up The Wrong Tree.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

How To Be Happy In Today’s Crazy World: 3 Secrets From Research

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-be-happy-in-todays-crazy-world-3-secrets-from-research/

How To Be Happy In Today’s Crazy World: 3 Secrets From Research

***

Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here.

***

Sometimes it feels like the world is actively conspiring against your happiness. Now before you start folding your tin foil hat, let me say that you might not be paranoid…

Right now there are a record number of people on antidepressants. So many that even if you’re not taking antidepressants, well… you still kinda are.

Enough people in Western nations consume — and then excrete — the medications that they’re at detectable levels in the water supply.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Some one in five U.S. adults is taking at least one drug for a psychiatric problem; nearly one in four middle-aged women in the United States is taking antidepressants at any given time… You can’t escape it: when scientists test the water supply of Western countries, they always find it is laced with antidepressants, because so many of us are taking them and excreting them that they simply can’t be filtered out of the water we drink every day.

For the past few decades we’ve lived under the idea that depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in your noggin. And while that is true for some people, more and more research is showing that our dissatisfaction may be due less to a broken brain and more to a broken life.

You don’t see so rapid a surge in cases of depression because our genetics or grey matter changed overnight. The world has shifted in ways that are detrimental to the psychological needs of the human animal. That persistent feeling of vague dissatisfaction may be a normal response to abnormal circumstances. The canary in the coal mine.

So journalist Johann Hari spent three years on a journey of over forty thousand miles conducting more than 200 interviews with social scientists and psychologists to discover what was wrong with the way we live today that was causing such an explosion of unhappiness.

His excellent book is Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions.

What he found was that while our world has become very technologically connected, all the sources of unhappiness stem from a growing disconnection in other areas of our lives.

Let’s find out how to reconnect. And how to live happier lives…

  Disconnection From Other People

Loneliness is the equivalent of being punched in the face. I mean, literally.

Your stress response to both — the increase in your body’s cortisol level — is the same.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Feeling lonely, it turned out, caused your cortisol levels to absolutely soar—as much as some of the most disturbing things that can ever happen to you. Becoming acutely lonely, the experiment found, was as stressful as experiencing a physical attack. It’s worth repeating. Being deeply lonely seemed to cause as much stress as being punched by a stranger.

And have no illusions, loneliness is an epidemic in the modern world. A few decades ago, the average US citizen reported having three close friends. Since 2004 the most common answer is…

Zero.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

…social scientists have been asking a cross-section of U.S. citizens a simple question for years: “How many confidants do you have?” They wanted to know how many people you could turn to in a crisis, or when something really good happens to you. When they started doing the study several decades ago, the average number of close friends an American had was three. By 2004, the most common answer was none.

I can already hear some people crowing: “I might be dissatisfied but how could it be due to loneliness? I’m always around people.”

Turns out there’s a difference between being lonely and feeling lonely. This is why someone who works a job surrounded by people and then goes home to a spouse and children, can spend very little time alone — and yet still feel profoundly lonely.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

In his studies, it turned out that feeling lonely was different from simply being alone. Surprisingly, the sensation of loneliness didn’t have much to do with how many people you spoke to every day, or every week. Some of the people in his study who felt most lonely actually talked to lots of people every day. “There’s a relatively low correlation between the objective connections and perceived connections,” he says.

So what do we need to do? To prevent feeling lonely, we must share something with those around us — something meaningful to both you and them. A belief. A cause. An activity. A goal. We need to be “in it together” — not merely together in the middle of a faceless crowd.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

As he researched this, John discovered that there was a missing ingredient to loneliness, and to recovering from it. To end loneliness, you need other people—plus something else. You also need, he explained to me, to feel you are sharing something with the other person, or the group, that is meaningful to both of you. You have to be in it together—and “it” can be anything that you both think has meaning and value.

So join a group. Harvard researcher Robert Putnam has studied group activities for decades — everything from bowling leagues to volunteer groups.

Between 1985 and 1994 involvement in community organizations declined by 45%.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Today, people still bowl, but they do it alone. They’re in their own lane, doing their own thing. The collective structure has collapsed. Think about everything else we do to come together—like supporting your kid’s school, say. “In the ten short years between 1985 and 1994” alone, he wrote, “active involvement in community organizations … fell by 45 percent.”

Famed biologist E.O. Wilson once said, “People must belong to a tribe.” Increasingly, we don’t. But you can fix that.

(To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my bestselling book here.)

We all know relationships are critical. But there’s something else the modern world is lacking that’s a lot less obvious but no less important…

  Disconnection From Values

Your pursue “intrinsic values” when you do something solely because you love it. You pursue “extrinsic values” when you chase money or status. Being a patriotic soldier is intrinsic; being a mercenary is extrinsic.

The lesson from the research is clear: the more extrinsically motivated you are, the more you feel motivated by money or status, the more depressed and anxious you are.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

Twenty-two different studies have, in the years since, found that the more materialistic and extrinsically motivated you become, the more depressed you will be. Twelve different studies found that the more materialistic and extrinsically motivated you become, the more anxious you will be. Similar studies, inspired by Tim’s work and using similar techniques, have now been carried out in Britain, Denmark, Germany, India, South Korea, Russia, Romania, Australia, and Canada—and the results, all over the world, keep coming back the same.

I know some people are jumping to say, “Well, I’m not like that!” But, to a degree, we have all become more extrinsically motivated. We all care, to some degree, what others think of us and technology often amplifies this to toxic levels. Facebook and Instagram have become gladiatorial status tournaments to show off how cool our lives are.

But when we’re counting “likes” on social media, we let others control our self-esteem. And that places your own happiness outside your control. Not good.

And even if you win, you lose. Studies show that the achievement of extrinsic goals — the fancy car and the impressive promotion — bring no lasting happiness. None. Meanwhile, when we pursue intrinsic goals like being a better parent or trying to improve our writing skills so our blog posts don’t suck, we feel much happier and less anxious.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

People who achieved their extrinsic goals didn’t experience any increase in day-to-day happiness—none. They spent a huge amount of energy chasing these goals, but when they fulfilled them, they felt the same as they had at the start…. But people who achieved their intrinsic goals did become significantly happier, and less depressed and anxious. You could track the movement. As they worked at it and felt they became (for example) a better friend—not because they wanted anything out of it but because they felt it was a good thing to do—they became more satisfied with life.

You experience “flow” when you’re so involved in something that you lose track of time. You know the old saying: “time flies when you’re having fun.” Flow is a huge contributor to happiness.

And the more focused we are on extrinsic goals like status, the fewer flow states we experience.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

But when Tim studied highly materialistic people, he discovered they experience significantly fewer flow states than the rest of us. Why would that be? He seems to have found an explanation. Imagine if, when Tim was playing the piano every day, he kept thinking: Am I the best piano player in Illinois? Are people going to applaud this performance? Am I going to get paid for this? How much?

So what should we do? Yeah, we all have to pay the bills and achieving a decent level of status is a good thing, but we need to start choosing more activities that serve those intrinsic values.

Spending more time with those we love rather than those who can help us get ahead. More time playing the guitar because it’s fun rather than sharpening our Excel skills to get that promotion.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

“The first thing is for people to ask themselves—Am I setting up my life so I can have a chance of succeeding at my intrinsic values? Am I hanging out with the right people, who are going to make me feel loved, as opposed to making me feel like I made it?”

Spend a little more time with people that make you smile and doing the things that make you smile — simply because they make you smile.

(To learn the seven-step morning ritual that will make you happy all day, click here.)

So you’re connecting with people and connecting with your intrinsic values. Great. What’s another connection we’re getting less and less of that the human animal needs?

Just like real estate, it’s all about location, location, location…

  Disconnection From Nature

All other things being equal, move closer to nature and you’ll be happier. Move away from nature and you’ll be more depressed.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

…the people who moved to green areas saw a big reduction in depression, and the people who moved away from green areas saw a big increase in depression.

Some might say that’s because rural areas have less crime or less pollution or… Wrong.

If you live in the part of a big city with lots of trees, you get happier. Cart yourself over to the section of the city that’s nothing but concrete and you get sadder.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

They compared deprived inner-city areas that had some green space to very similar deprived inner-city areas without green space. Everything else—like levels of social connections—was the same. But it turned out there was less stress and despair in the greener neighborhood.

We use our big human brains so much that we think we’re machines and forget we’re animals. But we are animals.

Leave the Panda in the forest with his bamboo and he’s happy. Move him to a zoo and he mopes around, feels stressed out and loses all interest in making little Pandas. Humans aren’t all that different.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

“We have been animals that move for a lot longer than we have been animals that talk and convey concepts,” she said to me. “But we still think that depression can be cured by this conceptual layer. I think [the first answer is more] simple. Let’s fix the physiology first. Get out. Move.”

So what do we do? We simply weren’t meant to spend all our time going from cubicle to couch. Feeling happier can be as simple as spending more time in nature.

The research all says that exercise makes us happier. Guess what? When you exercise outdoors the effect is even stronger.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

When scientists have compared people who run on treadmills in the gym with people who run in nature, they found that both see a reduction in depression—but it’s higher for the people who run in nature.

(To learn the best way to motivate yourself to exercise, click here.)

Alright, we’ve learned a lot. We’re going “psychologically Paleo” and getting more of what our ancient physiology needs from the very modern world.

Time to round it all up — and find out why so many of our efforts to be happier often fail…

  Sum Up

Here’s how to be happy in today’s crazy world:

Connect With People: Just being around others isn’t enough. Join groups that you share something with. You need to be “in it together” to hit back when loneliness punches you in the face.

Connect With Your Intrinsic Values: More “flow” and fewer selfies. More doing what you love because you love it. Chasing status doesn’t lead to lasting happiness; it puts happiness outside your control.

Connect with Nature: Go outside for a reason other than to pick up that box from Amazon.

So what happens when you make a consistent, concerted effort to be happier?

You fail miserably. No joke. Deliberate efforts to be happier do not work… in the US and UK, that is.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

They tracked thousands of people, some of whom had decided to deliberately pursue happiness and some of whom hadn’t. When they compared the results, they found something they had not expected. If you deliberately try to become happy, you will not become happier—if you live in the United States. But if you live in Russia, Japan, or Taiwan, you will become happier.

What’s going on? It’s not that happiness is unachievable or that hard work isn’t rewarded. The issue here is that the US and UK have the most individualistic cultures. And so the efforts people in those countries make are usually individualistic…

But happiness comes from our connections to other people.

And so when we work toward just making ourselves happy as individuals we often fail. But when we work towards the happiness of a group, we usually succeed.

From Lost Connections: Uncovering the Real Causes of Depression – and the Unexpected Solutions:

“The more you think happiness is a social thing, the better off you are,” Brett explained to me, summarizing her findings and reams of other social science.

The modern world promotes a culture of “be yourself.” But if you want to be happy, that isn’t always the best idea.

To find more joy, spend a little less time being you and little more time being us.

Join over 320,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

Related posts:

New Neuroscience Reveals 4 Rituals That Will Make You Happy

New Harvard Research Reveals A Fun Way To Be More Successful

How To Get People To Like You: 7 Ways From An FBI Behavior Expert

The post How To Be Happy In Today’s Crazy World: 3 Secrets From Research appeared first on Barking Up The Wrong Tree.

[arabicsongstudies]

Why I love the Salimpour School

My dance journey

One of my earliest childhood memories is dancing around the living room with my parents to my Dads’ Chutney music records. Dad would put the record on and the three of us would dance around for four songs until it was time to turn the record over to get to the next set of songs. I was always widely impatient when the LP was being turned over, I wanted to keep dancing! These fun at-home dance parties with family awakened my love of dance.  And in the Chutney style of dance, hip movements are celebrated. At 6 years old I asked my mum to take me to ballet lessons, and since then I’ve always felt the urge to have some form of dance class in my routine.

Over my teenage years I dabbled in Kathak and Flamenco and took belly dance classes in my Study Abroad year in Mexico during university. Belly Dance was something I always found intriguing and wanted to try, to see what it was all about. However it was back in 2011 when I started taking class with Anna Kemper where I got my first taste of the Salimpour format and I’ve kept coming back to class ever since. Anna was intrinsic in inspiring me to explore the format. I’m now certified in Level 2 in both the Suhaila and Jamila formats and working steadily towards Level 3.

I have to admit I’ve found it challenging to write this blog, because although I engage with the Salimpour format in some form most every day, it’d been hard pinpointing the reasons why I love the school. This feels like my Billy Elliot moment. I’ve had to take a step back to reflect on what it is that makes me a happy student of the school.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt in class that I apply to life outside the studio:

Learning to struggle properly.

To try things again  and again and not give up when I can’t do something for the first, second or even tenth time. In the school we use drills to learn and practice movements, the repetition is necessary as it helps to build the neural pathways between the brain and body. As a beginner I was (and still am) trying to move my body in ways I’d never imagined… and it was frustrating!  I remember preparing for the Suhaila level 1 test and fretting over not getting the alternating interior hips squares half time down beat left whilst walking half time and playing 3s half time on finger cymbals left hand dominant. But after much repetition I could do it. Now I’m struggling with the Level 2 finger cymbal drum solo, played left hand dominant with the Level 3 layers…

Suhailas’ famous phrase of learning to struggle properly has helped me understand that finding something difficult when learning is not a bad thing, in fact it’s necessary. If it was easy then everyone could do it and we wouldn’t need a school. For me one of the biggest ways resistance comes up for me is thinking I can’t do something in the moment I’m trying to do it (flash back to Kick ball change with pelvic Vs.) But through being patient with myself and getting out of my head I make peace with the struggle and eventually come out the other side, ready for the next one! I find it very satisfying to know that there is a long journey ahead in the format and enjoy the fruits both mental and physical of pushing myself to do what I previously could not.

 Why I love the format

I am dedicated to training in the Salimpour school because I know I’m receiving the highest level of belly dance instruction available and I’m learning to be the best dancer that I can be.

There are so many reasons why I love the school:

Suhaila! A master dancer and teacher and incredibly generous to share her format with the world. The school would not be what is today without our fearless leader, her vision, knowledge, love and dedication to this art form and her students.

The Scope. The school offers comprehensive degree level training in not just dance technique but musicality, rhythms, music theory, emotional technique, anatomy, improvisational skills, choreography, history and culture. The learning is continual and all -encompassing.

It’s not just a dance school.  Going through the format I love the process of learning more about myself, how I respond, how I express myself, how I dance. During the Suhaila Level 2 workshop I had a realisation that I wasn’t working hard just because Suhaila was telling me too, I actually wanted to work this hard! And it was fun and so fulfilling! The school facilitates that kind of authenticity in all its dancers, which I crave to bring more of into my life.

Legacy and Bal Anat. I love being part of a school that has deep roots in the belly dance world. It makes sense to me to study in the format whose creator, Jamila Salimpour, attributed names to belly dance steps.

 Bal Anat is the longest running troupe in history, in fact it was the first! And we’re bring it back to Europe next year for the 50th anniversary!!! Having the honour of participating in Bal Anat of Europe last year was a landmark moment in my life, perfecting summing up what I’d achieved in my dance journey and laying out the path to follow.

Dancing the Moroccan in Bal Anat of Europe 2016. Photo by J. M Schnieder.

Demystifying and raising the level of belly dance. By teaching movements muscularly, and deconstructing the Orientalist lens, the school represents belly dance as a true art form that you have to train hard in for years and years just like any other dance style.

Online classes. Although the home studio aka Mothership is in San Francisco, dancers all over the world can train at any time via online classes, making the format very accessible.

Importance of cross training. The format encourages you to learn from other teachers and other dance forms as this will only enhance your dancing.

Arabic music. Suhaila has said she doesn’t need her dancers to love Arabic music but they will be educated about it. I however am falling in love. It took me a while to get used to the structures and sounds of the songs but its proving an enriching experience. I had the Beyond Byblos album on repeat for most of 2016!

Organisation. The length and breadth of the content the school offers and what you are expected to learn can be overwhelming. However there are structures in place that support your learning. Salimpourschool.com is an incredible resource for everything from certification questions to making a Pot for Bal Anat. Having Rachel George as the Certification Coordinator is so helpful. And whenever I email the studio with questions I always get a quick and informative response.

‘ Creating better dancers through better technique.’ This tagline from many videos on Suhailas’ youtube channel sums it up. We’re taught that the aim of the dancer is to physicalize the music. Now belly dance is the way the energy in my body wants to move and this format gives me the technical means and emotional training to allow that energy to express itself, so I become a better dancer.

Longevity. I remember in my first level 1 workshop, Suhaila said if you haven’t been dancing for 10 years you’re still a baby in this dance form. It took me a while to get my head around this concept. In other schools you can work towards a high teaching level in just 2-3 years. However in the Salimpour School there is no chance to plateau, there is always another layer to add, another aspect of your dance to work on. I now love this concept as I know I will never run out of things to work on and the growth, fun and love I’ve experienced on my journey in the school so far will only increase as I continue.

Trackable progress. Certification is a way of measuring progress and helps me to set goals and give context to the material I’m working on. The higher levels really do depend on the training put into the primary levels – there is no magic formula, except to struggle properly! I wanted to certify to give respect to the training I was doing and to be part of a wider vision and community.

This month I took my third Suhaila  Level 1 workshop where I was working on level 3 layers, which really made me realise how far I’d come not just technique wise but how my mind set and perspectives have changed since I certified in Level 1 in 2014!

Individuality and Authenticity. The school encourages dancers to be the best dancers they can be. Not to imitate a top dancer or fit a certain mould. Suhaila doesn’t want you to dance like her, but to dance like the best possible version of you, yes, you!

Power of example. The higher level dancers are great examples of where the format can take you. I find it very inspiring training ‘alongside’ them in online classes. I have a poster of Enta Omri in my bedroom. The show is Suhailas’ best work and a vision of belly dance for the future. The poster reminds me that everything I’m working towards is possible.

Finger cymbals. I love playing finger cymbals!!! Playing finger cymbals is a wonderful skill and doing it whilst dancing is no mean feat.  I become a musician as well as a dancer. I’m excited by the endless possibilities of patterns and variations.  I’m also really happy that I play cymbals outside of  at my Hindu Temple, accompanying the musicians at temple playing devotional songs.

Playing finger cymbals at Temple. Photo by Kirtan London.

Synchronicity. There’s been a lot of synchronicity in my journey with the school. I had come back early from a stint teaching English in China, just in time to start a new belly dance course with Anna, who had just certified Level 1, so I was immediately introduced to the Salimpours.

And this is where it gets a bit… out there. I have a deep interest in all things spiritual and amongst the ‘spiritual buffet’ is the concept of Angel Numbers. I’d learnt that seeing a combination of repeated numbers can be significant, for example seeing 1111 on clocks, signs, posters or wherever can be a sign that you’re on the right path, that your thoughts are bearing fruit. So when I saw the 1111 outside the Mothership in California before my Suhaila  Level 2 workshop I laughed and knew, yep I’m in the right place :)

 The Mothership and 1111. Photo from https://www.yelp.com/biz/suhaila-salimpour-school-of-belly-dance-albany

Also as soon I arrived in Brussels for Bal Anat last year, 11.11 was showing on every board along the Eurostar platform!!!

 For me, my journey with the school is about transcending limitations (aka struggling properly) both on and off the dance floor. As hard as it was to sit down and dissect all the main reasons I love the school, it has been a great outlet and has strengthened my love for it even more! I love being a part of the school and the exciting prospect of being a lifelong student and dancer. I’m looking forward to reading and watching everyone elses’ Summer of Love contest entries as I’m sure I will agree with all the points and learn more about the format!

Suhaila and I after the Level 1 workshop in Brussels April 2017

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