#fucking hell its late af here

[moldycalico]

(technically not canon) OC LORE DROP🤑🤑🤑🤑

i call this the "this was just an expression test how tf did we get here"

the ramble of this post below the pic

yall remember Froy, the fucked up french zombie i posted?(you dont pronounce the F btw lol im jus bad at naming) well, more of him!!

anyways the bear actually gets to him AFTER he dies to the cold and reanimates (hence the reason his face is fucked up) but this is a fun little "what if he was still alive and had to 1v1 a whole ass bear cuz i like making him suffer?"

this started off as an expression test then i decided that i wanted to kinda expand (tried cross hatching and animals for like... the first time ever actually lol) and uhhhhhhhyea

[promenadewithme]

Happy Sappy Hormones

a/n: I know, I know. I've been away for a while. but I have my last final next week and after that I'm turning off med head and turning on writer mode! I've been watching criminal minds and I'm only on s2, but I already have this MASSIVE crush on Spencer Reid. So here's a little blurb I wrote recently. It's not proofread, so forgive me for any mistakes. Pairing: Spencer Read x profiler! you (no use of y/n) Warnings: slightly smutty, but nothing graphic. next chapter is going to be graphic af. um.. let me think... one bed trope, overnight stay at an in, pre-sex, all that tension (at least I aimed for it lol) and pining. Word Count: I have no idea

Am I sweating? I think I’m sweating. How the hell am I supposed to sleep next to this man? Fuck this stupid inn for having only one room with one bed. How cliche of them.

I peek at him and he’s looking up, head against the wall. Spencer swallows, throat bobbing up and down. He has such a nice profile, sharp nose and jawline, the most pronounced cheekbones you will ever see in real life, brows that always seem to be furrowed in thought, pillowy lips that I can’t help but picture against my own. And that hair… Those fluffy chocolate waves that beg for my fingers to mess up.

He’s soft but manly. Angelic heart with a dark mind. 

I rake my eyes across his face once more and notice that a bit of a stubble has grown since this morning. What would that feel like brushing against my neck? Better yet, what would they feel like between my thighs while he-

Nope, too far. I have gone too far.

A blush creeps up my neck to my cheeks. Sleep is the last thing on my mind right now.

“Did you know that sharing a bed is actually good for your health?” he blurbs out, still looking at the ceiling. 

So he’s uncomfortable too. Great.

“How so?” I ask, playing with the hem of my shirt.

“It releases serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin.” he states matter of factly.

“The golden trio of happy sappy hormones.” I quip.

“Something like that” he smirks, giving me a quick look before continuing. “Our pituitary glands transform serotonin into melatonin, which is the hormone that controls our sleep. That’s why cuddling in general makes you sleepy. Serotonin is also known as the ‘happy hormone’ because it’s a mood stabiliser, but it’s more than that. It regulates body temperature, improves memory and aids learning.”

I feel Spencer’s body slowly relax into the mattress as he speaks, so I spur him on.

“Is that so?” I say, trying to hide how much his intelligence affects me.

This man could open a book on gut microbiota, read it to me outloud and it would still be like dirty talk to me. 

“Yes.” he smiles timidly and scooches closer, turning his body in my direction.

 “What about dopamine?” I ask before I let my mind wander again.

“Dopamine is the reward chemical, it’s the rush you feel when you get a good grade or when you eat or sleep.And it’s um…” he pauses and starts playing with the sheets between us “It’s also released when you’re sexually attracted to someone.”

“Oh.” I say in almost a whisper. I must be releasing a lot of that lately.

“Yeah.” he says, taking the hem of my shirt from my grasp and toying with it himself. “It also causes our body's physiological reaction to attraction.”

His finger brushes against my stomach, leaving goosebumps in its wake and making my pulse skyrocket. 

“Which reactions?” I ask but the air seems too shallow, there’s not enough oxygen in my lungs.

He finally looks at me and my breathing stops. His hazel eyes bore into mine like they can see my soul. I’m afraid he knows how much I want him, I’m afraid he’ll see how much I wish he would drift his hand further down until he reaches the part of me that wants him the most.

He lifts his hand to my face and trails a shaky finger down my cheek and neck before saying “Like blushing,” his hand trails softly down my arm and my skin pebbles up where he touched “Goosebumps,” he makes it to my wrist and presses down on my artery “quickened heartbeat,” he bows his head and kisses my hand softly, never taking his eyes from mine “the effect of dopamine is obsessive and almost drug-like, you can’t stay away from the person you love and you don’t want to either.”

I can’t breathe. I feel myself shifting closer to him and my attention is fully on his lips. Those lips that never stop moving and I never want them to. Except, right now, I want them moving against mine. 

“What about oxytocin?” I whisper, forcing myself to look at his eyes, his gorgeous hazel eyes. 

“The love hormone.” he mumbles, bringing his hand to my neck while his thumb strokes my cheek. “It’s released in mothers during labour and when in contact with their newborn, but also during sex.”

We are so close that I can see the faint freckles that dust his nose, I’d never noticed them before.

“Any benefits?” I ask, spreading my hands on his chest. He’s so warm.

His voice is low and husky when he answers. 

“Lowers your blood pressure and cortisol levels,” his nose brushes against mine and I look at his lips again “reduces stress.”

“That’s um…” What was I saying again? His lips brush against mine once. Twice. “That’s nice.”

He dips down once more and captures my lips in a slow kiss, like he’s testing the waters. I sigh and my arms make their way around his neck. Spencer darts his tongue out and takes a quick swipe at my bottom lip, I let him in. When his tongue brushes against mine tentatively, his chest rumbles with his low groan and I sink into his arms. 

He grabs my left leg and throws it over his hips so I’m straddling him. I feel his erection between my legs and moan into the kiss. My hands go up to his hair and his locks are even softer than I thought they would be. 

I pull back only slightly “I think we’ve been very stressed lately.”

He nods and kisses me again before saying “Only benefits can come from this.” 

“Yeah, we’re just taking care of our health, right?” 

We stare at each other, panting in unison.

I shouldn’t do this, this will only complicate things. But how can I think of that when he’s looking at me like I’m the hottest woman on earth? How can I think this is wrong when I’ve wanted this for so long? When his soft hair is disheveled by my touch, his mouth swollen from my kiss, his pupils dilated with lust for me, making his hazel eyes dark. 

Just once, I get the chance to do something for me, something that will make me feel good with someone that makes me feel good and seen and beautiful. 

Fuck it. 

I lick my lips and bring his face towards mine in the hottest kiss I have ever had. 

--------

PROLOGUE HAD BEEN POSTED!

[rabbit-surfboard]

Fictional podcast recs

One of my friends got into audio drama and I just sent them a whole list of recommendations to go through, I thought someone who follows these tags might also appreciate it and perhaps have some more to throw in. I resisted the urge to throw in the little blurb about audio dramas as a weird little medium and their tropes that I wrote up. It was something to the effect of nodding at how the medium has rapidly been improving since Welcome to Nightvale started, also how a lot of the tropes that tie the medium together are products of the indie podcast scene being accessible and primarily based in audio. Also at how well horror works in the format. Those paragraphs went unsaved but writing first about the medium in general helped me to reflect on a lot of the things that make audiodramas appealing or repulsive to me for discussing each show in brief beyond just explaining what they're about.

All recommendations are tagged for the tldr.

Fiction podcast recommendations in no particular order:

The Magnus Archives

Horror

The biggest criticism I ever had of this podcast’s voice acting from episode 1 turned out to be a relevant plot point. This thing is probably the best of the best, but I would never recommend it to someone unfamiliar with podcasts because the listener only notices a plot hook somewhere between episodes 20-40 and that’s daunting in the face of a 200 episode show. Getting sucked in rewards you with 200 episodes of thoughtful content and a great explanation for most of the weird things this show chooses to incorporate.

Old Gods of Appalachia

Horror

Fantastic production quality on this ongoing show. Many seasons with interconnected lore and a hell of a narrator. It’s not my personal favorite but it’s quite excellent.

Red Valley

Found footage mystery

One of the newer shows I’ve gotten into, Red Valley is well-crafted. It becomes compelling very quickly with a rapid pace that slows down to land in a neat spot for a while so you can savor the cool parts. The production quality is excellent and the two main voice actors have excellent chemistry. The third and final season is currently being produced.

The Silt Verses

Horror

Often compared to American Gods, this newer podcast made by an experienced team is doing a lot of creative and fresh things at once. The magnificently fucked up religious system of The Silt Verses is both a neat plot vehicle and cleanly works as a criticism of late stage capitalism, where many podcasts like to jab at capitalism this one is much more pointed in its commentary. Episodes are long and very well produced. All the credits in the third season have been mostly diegetic and add flavor to the world.

Archive 81

Found footage horror

Slow to start but by season 2 the production quality and plot are among the best in the game. Unfortunately, on an extended hiatus.

Ars Paradoxica

Science fiction, historical

Very well produced considering its age, this is a highly regarded show among people who follow the medium. Excellent time travel mechanics here. The plot drags a bit by the end because time travel stories must violently contort themselves into a conclusion, but the first season or two are fantastic and it’s always nice to have an ending instead of interminable hiatus.

Caravan

Gay demons n stuff

Showed up, did magic and gay shit, disappeared and went on hiatus probably with some kinda unsatisfying cliffhanger seeing as I don’t remember the plot. Could I recommend it in good faith? Not until they at least cough up season 2. I don’t remember it being bad and that alone is notable for the medium.

Mabel

Gothic horror

This is the deepest cut on the list except for maybe Caravan. Lesbians pine at each other for increasingly complicated reasons, eventually devolving into them doing datura and then spewing cryptic poetry together for the rest of their days. The production quality is fair. The slow windup and creepy house are American-gothic af. This show has had a few hiatuses, but each time it comes back significantly more intriguing.

Welcome to Nightvale

Goofy spooky news broadcast

Old and iconic, not very consistent. Sometimes explores emotional, tense, spooky, or funny scenes well, but the show is really focused on being local news for an ooky spooky desert town because Cecil is damn good at his job. Don’t come here looking for plot, it’s a fun vibe and I don’t know that anybody’s ripped it off and notably improved on this classic. Above average production quality for its time which improved through the years.

Alice isn’t Dead

USA road trip, horror

Made by at least one of the Nightvale writers, totally different show with a lesbian trucker making wry observations of some magnificently twisted shit seen around the United States. The producers know how to run a show, so the production is pretty good.

Tanis

Found footage horror

Tanis is not good. However, it was the first fiction podcast to make me ask “Is this real?” and hesitantly believe it for a frankly embarrassing number of episodes. The stories in the first season were interesting and the lore is just some big-tent conspiracy style of cramming a bunch of fun Wikipedia research into what turns out to be an increasingly nonsensical plot. Every season after the second, I return to hate-listen and am gaslit into thinking the show might low-key rock a few episodes before the finale, which is routinely frustrating and makes sure to throw out any good plot points Terry Miles comes up with. The acting is routinely terrible, and the frame narrative allows lazy and frequent retcons, ruining what I think is a good premise. Also it’s incomplete.

The Black Tapes

Horror

Terry Miles started this show before Tanis began releasing about 5 months later. I think of it as one of his earlier works because it behaves like Tanis with an added layer of cringe from a time waster of an awkward romance(?) between the two main characters. I couldn’t finish this show. You won’t see this recommended as often as it used to be online because there’s many better shows now, but this used to be a big deal. There’s a bunch of memes making fun of the annoying cadence of the characters’ speech and iconic sponsorship reads in both this and Tanis. If you’re interested in some cringe atop your creepypasta podcast, the two are interchangeable.  

Rabbits

ARG investigation

Not as horror focused as Terry Miles’ other shows, the cringe is dialed down and the show is better for it. Tanis and The Black Tapes are more well known, I think the only reason more people don’t think about this one is because the first two don’t inspire trust in the production or narrative quality of this show, but I remember it being fine for a season. I have not gone back to catch up now that more is out.

Malevolent

Horror

Inspired by The King in Yellow, one man performs two voices and verbally abuses himself with aplomb. Having a blind main character with an extra voice in his head is a frame story I haven’t heard yet (unless it came up in the magnus archives and I don’t remember), the concept works out great for the frame of a podcast to deploy the environmental imagery that foley cannot communicate. It also prevents the podcast trope of lengthy exposition about visual surroundings from sounding awkward or potentially impacting someone’s character development to show setting.

Wolf 359

Comedy, science fiction

A crew of whacky characters is stuck in deep space, hanging out and researching a star. Since that’s not actually very interesting they crack jokes and fuck around for a slow burn until interesting stuff happens. Good but not great, this one is long and satisfying and a bit less heavy than all the horror this medium often focuses on. Decent production quality.

The White Vault

Found footage horror

I lost patience with this podcast even though the overarching story seemed very cool – it progresses very slowly yet appears to grow bigger and more confusing instead of deigning to answer basic questions for a frustratingly long drag through the first four seasons. I worry that this frustration may be the point and the Patreon gated stories are the drivers for this tendency towards the confusing patchwork of ideas this show communicates. The production quality is good though.

The Left Right Game

Found footage horror

Genuinely great reddit creepypasta got turned into an overproduced podcast – I say “over” in comparison to the voice acting quality because it’s kind of impossible to sell some of the lines, which makes sense considering the source. Brief, complete, punchy, interesting, and just a little odd to hear such a clean production but a creepypasta this fun deserves the effort.

Wooden Overcoats

Comedy

Surprisingly good production quality for its age, and also a refresher from the usual tropes of the medium. Just a chill sitcom about a funeral parlor in a small town. I haven’t finished this 4 season show yet but its good.

The Black List Table Reads

Movie script readings

Some movie scripts just short of making the cut to be turned into a full Hollywood production were well liked enough by a group of film nerds that sat down to act them out as a podcast. Half of the episodes are interviews with screenwriters, and the other half see a script read all the way through by actors. They’re all rejected for different reasons so there’s a pretty broad spread of genres. My favorites were Blood From a Stone and Balls Out.

[cat-mermaid]

YOOOOO did anyone ever get this tape back in the late 90s?

In the late 90s the only place you could see game footage that wasn't a commercial or game kiosk was demo disks

In the early 2000s there would be websites that could host the trailers for games, but they would take like 20 minutes to load and be low res as hell

You wanted the humble demo disk:

pop that shit into your ps1 and enjoy game trailers and playable demos!

almost every month you could probably get up to 3 or four of these just by buying gaming mags

And obvioulsy if you needed info on how to play a game, you could get it from those magazines or by buying a big fat strategy guide

But this fucking tape? This had full-ish playthroughs of games, it was a strategy guide you could fucking watch. This a HUGE deal back then

so it doesn't seem to say it anywhere on the box, but I clearly remember it saying somewhere that this was meant to the first of a series of these video guides, and I remember seeing them for sale in just about every video game store I walked into

obviously that didn't happen, sales were probably low af

BUT GUESS WHAT:

heres that whole fucking video for you to enjoy, in all its edgy cynical late 90s goodness!

[jennrypan]

ML London Special Live reaction. Pt 3.

..hm maybe dont..hug the woman that quite literally joined Hawkmoth for seasons until recently..just a thought..

Ohhh I want Lila..Cerise?? Whatever to reveal that Ladybug was lying to the city OHHH I WANT IT BAD DO YOU KNOW HOW ANGSTY THAT COULD BE??? AHHHH- anyways..

..Marinette he just said for you to mention his 'heroism' to Adrien why are you telling Paris he-- okay..whatever. also she can just..use cataclysm consistently...does she even need chat anymore?? Sources say no cuz shes so girl boss 🙄

YOU HAD ONE(1) job..get the miraculous-- I'm sorry I know she's a child BUT UGHHSHSUAUAUQ situations..

Kagamis mom is..evil and she's just..allowed to keep Kagami..and omg Adrien has no dependable adult figure..Natalie sucks. Sorry not sorry it's too damn late also..Marinette..You've tainted my opinion on you, get away from him like actually. GIVE PLAGG BACK TO CHAT!!!!

I still..can't figure out why Marinette is so..distressed over this?? In this way like..sure its sad cuz it's adriens dad but hm..anyways.. YOU HAD A CHOICE!!! YOU MADE THE WRONG ONE.

Also..Plagg..as opinionated as you are..you have nothing to say about her lying to Adrien about his crappy dad?? Nothing at all..Tikki?? No?? Okay.

If you feel so shitty..maybe cuz that's a shitty thing to do?? Idk..just thinking outside the box here.. Marinette learned nothing after 3 SEASONS??? FUCKS SAKE.

Also..Tikki..what the god damn fuck?? "You will need it" girl explain ur little red ass rn tf 🤨 demonic af..

??? how..the damn hell-- ew I hate that scared shock look Marinette does it just annoys me sm--anyways..its..yellow??? Cuz of the life jacket??? Cool..cool-- it looks super pretty tho.

"There's no such thing as ghosts" ..but there is talking magical creatures cmon now-- also..that Akuma form is actually dope as fuck that's creepy I love it.

Also..the Kwami really are fucking useless. These powerful beings dont..FEEL THAT AKUMA??? none of them??? Yall are like a thousand years old..sfhhsua God. Anyways..

Did she need to step back?- lol God I really fucks with that suit heavy idk why. It's just. The yellow with the white spots go hard

[thegamingcatmom]

Human!Ellie gives off possessive vibes especially being 5’11 😵‍💫 being 5’2 or 5’3 she would just tower over me *looks up* 😊

Oh, you mean...

?

This isn´t actual footage, obviously. When we say "tower", we mean tower-

Lady Dimitrescu has entered the chat

Anyhow, as a tiny being myself I can very much relate to that. Very much. As a matter of fact, I´ve been feeling rather restless these days, a bit skittish if you will and not just because a certain someone has been staring daggers at me for these past couple of months and well, Momma(s) has had quite the dry spell, it has to be said so I can´t really blame her for wanting (and trying, we´ve been there) to wrap those clawed hands around whatever part to twist and break and mangle-

-only to remember that wingwomen are hard to come by these days, especially if you look like death warmed up, so Maggot Momma´s gotta deal with it (for now) if she ever wants to that smell, my god! again-

*Sighs*

So dramatic.

BUT I DIGRESS, this is all about Momma Ellie and I´m all too happy to deliver - that poor (starved) woman needs some love and attention too!

(Don´t let Maggie know though - poor thing´s still not over the whole bowl-fiasco. That was a close call. Way too close.)

This is my late christmas present to yall. Enjoy! <3

************************************************************************

That escalated quickly.

When you were asked to join the Bixlers on their weekly Game Night this morning you immediately said yes. Of course you did. You´ve been living with Beth and her family for a month now and honestly? You haven´t been this happy, this carefree, in, well, ever?

Well, until Beth came into your life and turned it (and you, literally - you can´t remember much seeing as you were both high af but something about truth or dare - you dared, of course you did, idiot) upside down.

It´s kind of a sad truth and yet you can´t bring yourself to mourn your past and its missed opportunities (again). Not now. Not when it´s brought you here. Right in the middle of this family of asshats goofballs who never fail to make you laugh until the tears drop and you feel like you´re suffocating. Who make you feel like you belong, no questions asked. Like you´re home.

So when Kassie came running up to you, nearly vibrating with excitement, those big eyes staring directly into your soul-

(Well, we all know where she got that from.)

So, family Game Night it is.

What immediately sprung to mind when you heard "Game Night" were things like UNO, Go Fish or, hell, for this family you´d endure a few rounds of Monopoly as well.

So, yknow, normal things.

What you didn´t expect, however, was war playing out right in front of you because-

"You cheated!"

That´s kinda-

"How are you supposed to cheat here??"

Well, Brig does kinda have a point considering-

"The red brick was supposed to go there, like this!"

You fear Kassie is about to have a full-out temper tantrum any second now-

"You´ve literally watched me-"

"You were too fast!"

"Should´ve said something then, you crybaby-"

"Bridget!"

A brick goes flying then, and you´d be quite impressed by the sheer force of it, if it weren´t for the fact it was going straight for you, missing your eye by a hair's breadth but still managing to get you quite good, motherfu-

"Shit!"

That´s gonna bruise for sure.

"Kassie!"

"Wow Kass!"

And oh man, those eyes-

Through watery eyes (because that did hurt like mad) you can only watch Kassie get up and stomp out of the room before anything more can be said, and, well, you kinda get that. Being reprimanted not only by Mom but also your cool groupie-aunt (who might not be so cool for a while now) must feel quite overwhelming, unfair. Like the whole world is against you suddenly. But then again, you didn´t expect to be on the receiving end of a missile today, fucking-

Ellie is up in no time, body tense, a stern look on her face and even though it´s not directed at you, you can´t help the shiver that runs through your body because-

Mommy´s very angry.

It´s like she´s got some kind of tunnel vision, eyes staring daggers at the door her youngest disappeared through seconds ago and the resemblance between Mother and Daughter strikes you yet again as Ellie goes to stomp angrily walk towards it, only-

*click*

Kid got some balls, you gotta admit that.

Ellie freezes for a moment and even though she seems calm and collected on the outside, you just know she´s swearing like a sailor in her head. You can see her jaw working - clenching, releasing, clenching, releasing.

How silence can be so deafening is beyond you.

"Uh...you need some ice for that or-?"

Danny´s remark seems to snap everyone out of it. Ellie whips around so fast you fear she´s pulled a muscle. You swear there was a crack!.

She´s storming towards you, apologies spewing out of her. She looks quite frantic and, dare you say, a bit unhinged? Her hands come up to hover in front of you and she doesn´t seem to know what to do with them for a moment - clenching and unclenching them, lowering them only to lift them again - before she finally settles on oh so carefully cradling your head to take a closer look at what must, no doubt, be a pretty nasty bump by now, if that sharp tut! she makes is anything to go by.

Her thumb runs over it, just above your left eyebrow, the pressure she applies almost nonexistent and yet-

"Ah!"

You can´t stop the breathy sound from escaping your lips. Which only leads to Ellie looking even more like she´s about to lose it-

"I´m so sorry. I don´t know what´s gotten into her. She´s never done anything like this-"

She´s gonna give herself an aneurisma at this rate, so your hands come up as well, fingertips only just touching her forearms. Making sure you have her full attention.

"Ellie, hey, it´s alright-"

"It´s not alright. In this family we don´t just go around, throwing stuff at people. Especially not at guests. Things could´ve ended way worse-"

Well, that´s a tad bit dramatic isn´t it? However, you can feel your cheeks getting hot. You can´t help it. Ellie just has this way of being...Ellie.

Beth must sense your growing discomfort with the current situation. She´s always had a knack for reading you like a book and, right now, you feel like there´s a giant spotlight shining right at you. You´ve never liked being the center of attention and yet, with Ellie, it seems like you´re always the center of attention. It´s nerve-wracking most times, overwhelming, but also...oddly charming? (It´s complicated.)

"Hey Shortstuff, how about we go get some ice for that Bad Boy, hm? If it grows any bigger we might have to leash it."

Her half-lidded eyes are twinkling like they always do when she´s trying to stiffle a laugh. The right corner of her mouth just so lifted. Waggling her eyebrows once. All in all, she looks every bit the coquettish rascal that she is.

It never fails to make you laugh.

The two of you get up, Beth´s hand resting on your lower back, already halfway to the kitchen before she turns around once more, hand never leaving its current resting place.

"You guys mind packing up here in the meantime?"

You´ve almost reached the kitchen now, the open doorway within reach, and you finally feel like you can breathe again-

"Wait-"

A hand that is not Beth´s reaches between the both of you, taking hold of your left upper arm, making you turn around and-

Well, so much for breathing.

"Let me help. It´s the least I can do."

Shit.

You can feel Beth´s eyes on you as well, so you throw a quick glance in her direction. The both of you long since able to converse without words:

'I´ll handle it, just lemme know.'

'It´s alright, I got this.'

After a second you turn to Ellie, a gentle but firm dismissal already on your lips-

"Please."

Oh man, those eyes you swear to god-

Out of the corner of your eye you can see Beth moving forward a little, steps so minor one might believe she simply shifted on her feet. But you know better than that and you appreciate it, you really do.

However, while Ellie does turn you into a nervous wreck most of the time, you don´t want her to get the impression you might actually fear her. Not now. Not ever. How could you when she´s so...her?

Besides, you don´t want her to keep feeling guilty about what happened with Kassie. That was in no way her fault and you hated seeing that apprehension in her eyes. Apprehensive about what you aren´t exactly sure. Perhaps she doesn´t want you to think that this is what usually happens on a "Game Night"? Perhaps she doesn´t want you, or anyone for that matter, doubting her mothering skills? Like that´s even a possibility. You know what an amazing mom she is, you´ve witnessed it countless times in the short while you´ve been staying with the Bixlers. These kids are the luckiest and they know it, of that you´re certain.

So, before Beth can swoop in to rescue you from her own sister you take action, arm lifting just enough for your fingertips to graze her hand.

'It´s okay.'

Your brief interaction, lasting no more than two seconds, went unnoticed by Ellie. She was still staring right into your soul, right-

"Alright."

The smile she gives you in return is radiating, and you can't help it—already feeling the corners of your mouth lifting. It's an automatic response, same as with Beth. Apparently, charm runs in the family.

You swear to god.

Unbeknownst to you, this brief interaction did not go unnoticed. Eyes flitting back and forth between the pair of you, eyebrows slightly scrunched, Beth did wonder-

'Hm...'

As you and Ellie continue toward the kitchen, her hand remaining firmly on your arm, you glance over your shoulder to share one last look with Beth, and you can't help but notice...something's off.

Ellie is rather persistent in her pursuit though, giving your arm a light tug, urging you along. Alright alright.

You follow Ellie into the kitchen, her hand coming to rest between your shoulder blades now, leaving Beth and the others to clean up the living room.

You weren´t exactly sure what to expect from tonight but one thing´s for certain:

You've never witnessed someone take "Make 'N' Break" that literally.

[necromancy-savant]

Multiples of 3 for book asks!

3. what is your preferred genre?

My preferred genre is the stuff you find in the nonfiction section that's all myths and poems

6. do you track the books you read? if so, how?

Nope; never occurred to me

9. do you have a favorite author?

John Milton \m/

12. which book will you read next?

Probably The Two Towers bc I read Fellowship, loved it, and then got distracted by like 5 other books. I need to finish reading Lord of the Rings and The Silmarillion

15. have you been/are you in a book club?

I was in a Shakespeare club in grad school! I brought in the production of David Tennant's R2 for us to watch that @skeleton-richard introduced me to

18. do you have any rules if you loan someone a book?

I mean don't write on it or like intentionally be rough on it?

21. do you prefer to read or listen?

Read. I watch everything with subtitles if I can

24. what book to movie adaptation to you dislike?

I mean one time I saw some Iliad adaptation that didn't even have the gods and was boring af but I don't remember what it was. And one time I saw about 10 minutes of some CGI Beowulf bc it was so ugly I had to turn it off

27. is there a book that scared you?

Yes. Well, recently I was having a bit of trouble sleeping thinking about the demons in Camp Damascus, but also I used to stay up late in high school reading my giant Edgar Allan Poe book and then I could never sleep. I don't even remember which ones were the scariest. There was one about a coffin on a boat that fucked me up and wasn't even that scary.

30. is there a book that changed your life?

Phantom of the Opera, then Paradise Lost, then Richard III, and I think now The Locked Tomb

33. what was your favorite childhood book?

Redwall

36. what’s the most you’ve reread a book?

I literally have no fucking clue. I've memorized all of Richard III's lines in that play. I lost count of the number of times I've read Paradise Lost about 10 years ago. I can predict the next words in my translation of Phantom and read it in its original language just because I know what it's going to say, I know all the words to Earnest and Julius Caesar, I have no clue how many thousands of times I've read Enuma Elish or Ishtar's Descent to the Underworld or anything else I've every tried or had to translate. Basically I read the same few books and stories over and over and over and over and

39. favorite quote from your favorite book?

Be then his Love accurst, since love or hate, To me alike, it deals eternal woe. Nay curs'd be thou; since against his thy will Chose freely what it now so justly rues. Me miserable! which way shall I flie Infinite wrauth, and infinite despaire? Which way I flie is Hell my self am Hell; And in the lowest deep a lower deep Still threatning to devour me opens wide, To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heav'n.

42. do you buy new or secondhand books?

I have so many books I got for free from the grad school English department that they were literally just giving away. I got a whole Faerie Queene that way. I got a complete Chaucer's works that way. One time I went in and some students were going through stuff and I was like "yo is that a fascimile of Poetaster??!!" and my classmate said, "here, it's yours: it should go to someone who will love it" and I was in Heaven

45. thoughts on separating the author from the work?

So...this gets into so much internet discourse and so much discourse within critical theory over the last like 40 years. Basically, yes, historical context matters and knowing who an author was as a person can give some insight into a text, but I'm also not going to give a currently living author money whom I don't want to support. You should read problematic stuff from hundreds of years ago to learn your history; hell, I'd venture to say that if you can do so without giving them money, you should read problematic shit written recently and today to know what it looks like and learn to draw your own conclusions

48. what book would you give someone if they wanted a glimpse into your psyche?

Richard III

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

[moonstruckbirdie]

OK SO first of all, I know I have been like super duper late in reblogging these AMAZING WORKS, DESPITE DEVOURING THEM IN THEIR ENTIRETY ATLEAST TWICE

P.S- This gif seemed the most sincere among the selection lot. @wildestdreamsblog

Coming back to my apology, I was going oh I will read this, and then reblog, and then when I read, legit couldn't contain my excitement, like AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, so I couldn't do it justice with a simple reblog, a paragraph had to be written, and I procrastinated, clearly A HELL LOT.

so the post on your blog about disappointing engagement on the app was just the wake up call I needed, I was like hell no I am contributing to this.

so here we are

TO BEGIN WITH, why are you such a brilliant writer, your stuff, and my favourite food, and some kdramas on my watchlist that I actually get into are the three top amazing, entertaining things in life, ok songs too, but you get it

So lets begin, first of all, why are these seven so fucking relentless, like guys, space please, and Seokjin no, jumping two feet away ain't the space I want, I half-expected, him or sassy Yoongi to go, oh you need space, lets buy you an astronaut suit, but i digress, I should start from the beginning, see this is what happens when the writer is super brilliant, your thoughts are just all over the place.

First of all Seokjin drank from the tumbler knowing full well it probably wasn't his, he is man of high taste, so dude should have known it wasn't his, quite sus if you ask me. then he gave it to the others toooooo,

HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

Sir, you are suspicious AF. and then they all drank too, without questions, no sarcastic remarks, no eyebrow raises, no quips, noleg pulling from JK, sus sus and more sus

And then to top it off, these 7 dumbasses, ok hella hot dumbasses, but OH WELL, start laying so THICK, that I myself was like, should I enjoy this vicariously or be concerned, but then I was like, fuck it lets enjoy. First bus, then cafe, then cabin, then cafeteria, then lift, then her freaking home, and you dare wonder why we asked for space, ALSO not to forget she is in their TURF now, see I relate coz, if in some freaky shit happens, space-time continuum fortunately works in my favour and find guys like these or them obsessed with me.

My first thought would be hmmmm, ok so this is happening, when are we leaving, despite knowing full well that I need my space, and a lot of it. But yeah the home is comfortable, plus uffffffffff, see I digressed again.

OK coming back, the biggest traitor here is the CAT, how dare youuuuuuuuuuu betray me for material comforts, and treats, you dumbass, I got you from the streets [I hope she adopted], and this is the thanks I get, what about loyalty, familiarity, should have gotten a dog, but not a golden retriever or a husky, coz the former is ball of fluff, and huskies are part cats only , a doberman should have been better.

The nerve, the audacity, the gall of the cat, ok moving on, Taehyung buddy don't be so dramatic, and please hug but keep your arms a bit loose, like I know you don't smell, but suffocation is a thing yeah.

Also, can i just say that the first time I read that elevator scene with Namjoon, I imagined his eyes opening and him caging her so well in my head [like i imagined myself] but I was like hot damn, I need a minute, like un momento por favor, like I kid you not, some smut on AO3 and here on tumblr doesn't have that chokehold power, which that scene had. So naturally, I re-read on the downlow A FREAKING LOT. next the Samsung stocks scene with Yoongi, hilarious.

P.S- I didn't know until 2 years back that Samsung, hyundai and LG are South Korean brands, and its embarrassing coz

a. I am an econ student, I should know this shit

b. we have been using their stuff since I was a wee little baby

c. I also googled after reading it, is it based in reality, and then realised ohhhhhh shit, no wonder he uses a Samsung phone, talk about living under a rock

Moving on, again, Taehyung is literally DEDICATED, dude woke up early morning to empty cars of gas , and all of them. Now I have the mental image, of a very sleep, floofy-haired, grey sweatpants [YES I went there], Taetae going into the garage to empty gas , but what did he use, like a knife slash or diligently loosened the cap thingy on the engine, who knows. [dude I am dumb, I blame my dad for it, he didn't teach me this, but its ok]

Then JK with his bike, let a girl breathe guys, let ME BREATHE,

Also I am still 50-50 to smack the bff, or give her a big hug, and send her a care package.

P.S- I am writing this from my office [I am just an intern] and literally no work today. so yeah

But then when RM confessed he shipped them off to Antarctica, dude may be businessman, and cold and sly and whatever, but he can be dumb AF too, love that. Seriously, you thought, they wont come back, and SO DAMN EXTRA TOO, bro behave like adults, who am I telling, he won't.

Plus, I can't with Tae being whiny and dramatic, don't know whether to pull his cheeks or smack him upside the head. will probably toss a coin.

I love how subtle the glimpses into their dark side is till now, just an eyebrow raise her, jaw clench there, muscle twitch here, and then comes Hoseok, dude scares me at times ngl. Like he gives the vibe of being a really friendly chummy guy as a friend, but the moment you see him in the professional sphere, you realise just why and how he is so successful. Immensely attractive tbh.

So I successfully rambled like 1000 words, wow [ I was curious so I, you know what doesn't matter]

What did I miss, what did I miss- oh yeah, she forgot to ask Yoongi one important thing, am I allowed to sell the Samsung stocks, like no offence, but share market is a finicky thing man, how stable are these stocks, he will probably hate that question i think, also Seokjin is so sweet and so fucking diabolical, man cooked a whole lunch how sweet, but won't give space; pros and cons lol.

Oh haan, she is so right for being concerned that what will people say, coz there might be some vultures and idle prattlers ready to fucking pounce. Also we have established running away is impossible coz

a. NO POINT THESE GUYS CAN, AND WILL FIND ME IN AN HOUR, and as a true crime podcast listener, don't run if you are sure to be found

b. THE TRAITOR OF A CAT WILL PROBABLY STAY WITH THEM, AND I WON'T GIVE UP ON HIM, HE'S A TRAITOR BUT HE'S MINE

By the ways, the scene where JK clutched his unnecessary and non-existent pearls, peak comedy imo.

Before I forget, THANK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU for this , and sorry for the long ass essay you have to deal with thrice today [coz I am going to comment on the full masterlist of Latibule, right fucking now, wait like 10 minutes.],

Also I forgot, and then remembered again, when they add her to the group chat and were trying to use those cheesy ass pick up lines, I found it so damn funny, especially RM's line. Also when JK asked her birth year, I heard 19xx, and was like, at least I am older than one of them here, he he .

P.S- no more edit, I am done

LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUU

HAVE A GREAT DAY

Might as well be drunk in love: 1 of 3

Pairing: OT7 x Reader (CEO AU)

Summary: In which your friend thought it would be funny to give you a love potion, and in which seven CEOs accidentally drank it.

Warnings: Love Potion, Yandere behavior, Obsessiveness, Possessiveness, Manipulative behavior, Violence, Mention of death, Disability, If you’re not 18+ please, PLEASE, do not interact. Be mindful of the warnings. Let me know if I miss anything.

A/N: This idea came to me when I went to the mountain and saw a love potion wine thingy being sold there. I think it's just the name of the wine, anyway! I really, really tried so hard to finish this in one post but it's already almost 8kish and we aren't even near the end sksks Happy New Year, my loves! I hope you'll like my gift for you <3

“Am I that hopeless?”

“What?” your friend asked in faux innocence, blinking her eyes owlishly at you. “I don’t know what you’re getting at, sweetie-“

You glared at her as you pointed in an exaggerated manner at the expensive pink tumbler she handed you mere seconds ago. The tumbler was too fancy, something that you wouldn’t buy for yourself and something that a certain handsome but infuriating CEO of yours was fond of carrying around.

However, what was insulting was the content of the said tumbler.

“I just gifted you that because you mentioned that it was beautiful-“

“Do you really think I’d end up alone?!”

“I don’t understand-“

“You literally just said that you put the love potion you bought in the mountains here!” you hissed lowly, keeping your eyes around the conference room as your department waited for the seven CEOs to arrive. You attempted to smile which more or less came out as a grimace at one of your colleagues who looked at you weirdly because of your mini-outburst. You weren’t exactly meek in nature, nor were you shy. However, you weren’t really keen on letting anyone overhear that your close friend bought you a love potion just because she thought you would end up alone.

That was embarrassing, even for you. So nope, you would for sure keep this under wraps.

Her brows furrowed harmlessly, although you could see a hint of smile on her lips, “You’re welcome?”

“I’m not thanking you-“

Just then, all the seven CEOs walked in the conference room, their presence commanding and silence reigned through the whole room. The first to enter was Min Yoongi. He was strolling in the room with his hands in his pocket. He was said to be the ace of the group who could smell bullshit despite it being miles away. He honestly looked like he would rather be anywhere else than here right now, though. It was the complete opposite of Jung Hoseok, also known as the sunshine of the group. He was smiling widely as he greeted the department and some employees by their names, yet you weren’t fooled by his beautiful smile. He was the strictest of them all. He was perfectionist down to the core and he was the last to forgive any mistake. The last of the hyung line to enter was the Kim Seokjin, the most beautiful man you have ever seen. It was like the room literally lightened up when he stepped in, like the birds sang melodically the moment he opened his eyes. His tall form and his movement were precise as he confidently sauntered to his seat which just so happened to be beside yours. He placed his pink tumbler on the table, so eerily similar to yours sans the engraved of his name on his tumbler. The beautiful asshole didn’t even spare you a glance. Your back unconsciously straightened when the lead CEO, Kim Namjoon, locked eyes with you for a moment when he entered the room.  He was said to be one of the most intelligent man in the whole country. You didn’t even doubt it one bit. He was capable, and his leadership was on another level. Should he decide to run for a political seat, you would undoubtedly vote for him. He had what it took, you thought. He was charismatic, calm and he knew when to listen.

The CEOs were dubbed by the employees to be divided by two: the Maknae and the Hyung line.

Finally, the maknae line entered. The three of them could always be found together. Park Jimin, the eldest of the line, who had one of the most beautiful smiles you ever saw. In fact, you once overheard your colleague that he interacted with her once and it left her thinking of what they really were. He was followed by Kim Taehyung and also labelled as his soulmate. He was expressionless as he entered, only cracking a smile when he turned to Jimin. You always thought that he could be a model or an actor if he wanted to. He definitely had the looks for it. Last to enter was the muscular Jeon Jungkook, also known as the golden maknae of the group. There were no contracts, mergers or acquisitions that he couldn’t convince the other party of signing. Not only was he capable of everything, but he excelled in everything. Thus, his nickname. However, despite the way he held himself during the negotiations, you observed him to be shy and highly reserved. All of a sudden, he looked up from his seat as though he could feel your eyes on him, his doe eyes curious as he took you in. He held your eyes for a moment until he blinked owlishly and looked down at his hands in curiosity.

Kim Namjoon sat in the middle, the others sitting beside him as they regarded the room with a powerful look.

 “Shall we begin?” Kim Seokjin asked, his eyes focused on the slides reflecting in the projector. 

Several headaches, passive aggressiveness from Namjoon, Hoseok and Jimin, disappointed sighs from Jin and Yoongi, difficult revisions ‘suggested’ by Taehyung, and corrections of miniscule errors of calculations by Jungkook later, the meeting finally ended.

You were weary as you trudged out of the conference room the CEOs were still in. They dismissed the department, expecting revisions within the day after tomorrow before discussing among themselves. It was honestly not a lot of time and you could already feel the lack of sleep you and the department would further experience under their tyranny. You willed yourself not to fall asleep as you walked to your desk, your close friend who was equally tired as you sat down on her seat beside your desk.

“I’m so tired. It’s like my soul and all the happiness I was able to experience in my young life were sucked out of me,” she lamented, her head resting on her desk. “If only the pay isn’t so greaaaat. ”

You nodded at what she said, already likening the CEOs to dementors in Harry Potter. Interacting with them made you aged several years. Additionally, meetings with them made you reconsider whether you needed a roof over your head, whether you needed to eat at least twice a day, whether you needed to drink clean water-

Speaking of…this wasn’t your tumbler. 

The horrifying realization made you stood up abruptly. You lifted the pink tumbler to your widening eyes, and by that name there was no denying that this wasn’t yours. Your sudden movement awoke your friend from her own misery, yet you didn’t have the time to explain. Without any further thought, you ran back to the conference room, screaming and crying about how you were definitely going to get fired.

Of course, the elevator was under maintenance.

Of course, you had to run numerous flights of stairs.

Of course, it was just your luck that you ran into your manager just when you reached their floor.

And of course, the moment you opened the door, there they were, innocently drinking from a glass, the tumbler emptied as it sat in the middle of the table.

“Don’t drink that!”

Taehyung was the first to turn to you, his dark expressionless eyes meeting yours with intense stubbornness. He kept his eyes on yours as gulped the contents wholeheartedly.

Oh heavens, no.

He put the glass down with a resounding thud which felt like a nail to your coffin. You turned to look at the other CEOs with shaky eyes and it was apparent that they definitely drank their fair share of whatever was in the tumbler. You, on the other hand, weren’t sure if it was really safe for consumption. You were going to kill your friend for her prank!

Their eyes were focused on you. You couldn’t even blame them. You shouted at them all while looking like a lunatic with your disheveled hair and huffing breaths like you did a marathon. Oh wait, yes you probably did by the amount of running you did today. They were probably thinking that you were mentally unfit for this job and oh my God you were going to lose your job.

“May we help you, Ms. Y/N?” Hoseok asked you politely, his eyes never wavering from yours which was…unusual. Despite him being the image of kindness and approachability, he never looked at his employees for longer than necessary. He was a man that possessed such discipline when it came to his time. This… was absolutely an unnecessary length of time for eye contact.

“T-that’s my drink,” you finally said after tearing your eyes from Hoseok’s. You pointedly looked at the empty pink tumbler, not minding the intense look Namjoon was giving you.

“We apologize, little one,” Namjoon broke the silence, his deep voice awakening you from your stupor. “Yours looked like hyung’s.”

Little one???

 Jimin smirked before running his hand through his blonde locks. His eyes were on yours as he looked up at you. “Yours undeniably taste better, though.”

Before you could even blink, Yoongi pointed at you with a rare smile on his lips. “You looked thirsty. Would you like to go to my office and drink with me?”

Was that…an invitation?!

You felt a hand tugged your sleeve. You turned, only to find beautiful doe eyes looking up at you from his seated form. “Hi! What year were you born?”

“199x-,“ you answered absentmindedly, you eyes roaming around the room when he tugged your sleeve again for your attention.

“You’re older than me!” he gasped; his excitement palpable as he stood up. He towered over you, his grin pleasant and you thought at that moment that he looked a lot like a bunny, or a kangaroo with the way his chest muscles were bulging over his office clothes. “Then you’re my noona! I can call you ‘noona’, right? Come on, take a seat here!”

He pulled the chair closer and tapped on it eagerly.

This was wrong, you thought. Was that thing really effective?! You dreaded to think that it was and you had a certain someone to torture once you get out of this room.

You were shaking your head before he could even pull you and you watched as his expression fell. Suddenly, he looked like a child that lost his toy with the way he was pouting. And nope, you couldn’t deal with that today. You looked at the man who hadn’t spoken one bit before smiling sheepishly at him. You placed his pink tumbler in front of him.

“I apologize. I must have switched yours with mine-“

His jaw tightened as he leaned in. Heavens, he was even more handsome this close. Kim Seokjin looked up at you with his ethereal eyes before resting his chin on his hand. “I’ve been drinking yours since the meeting, my love. It’s absolutely not your fault. Mine was coffee. This-“ he lifted the empty tumbler, “-is, I presume, a juice.”

Confusion further painted on your face, “You knew? Then why did you keep on drinking-“

He shrugged his broad shoulders, “It’s…addicting.”

“O-okay, then I’ll just leave yours here-“

“Tell me, my love. Do you like your job?”

Welp, here it was. You were so going to get fired. Oh my God, how were you going to feed your cat? He had such an expensive taste!

“I-“

“Because there’s an opening in my office. Would you like to be my secretary-“

“But hyung, you already have one-“

“Shut up, Taehyung,” he hissed at the now pouting man before turning to smile at you as though he didn’t berate his co-CEO in front of you. Chaos ensued as the boys fought and bickered for who would be your direct boss as you inched closer to the door.

“I’m just gonna go,” you whispered and before you could even reach the door, Taehyung looked up at you with his sharp eyes.

“Where are you going!”

“I-I have to finish the report this week, right?”

Namjoon stood up before declaring that he would finish it for you. And when you shook your head, “I am officially moving the deadline to next month! No need to stress, my little love!”

You blinked owlishly before doing what was best for you and your sanity- you ran away.

“So, they drank it?”

“Are you even listening to me?!” you shrieked over the phone, walking back in forth in front of your cat that was now looking at you as though he wanted to be adopted by a sane person and not you. “I just told you. They all drank it. All seven of them!”

You could hear the laughter in her voice which was not helping your panic, “I thought you didn’t believe love potions?”

“I-I didn’t! You didn’t see how they were acting! It was so peculiar!”

“Well, honey, how did they act?”

“Kindly! And it’s so weird!”

She paused, her silence making your heart beat faster. “Holy shit. It’s definitely effective. I need to go back there and buy another one for myself-“

“Focus! Is there an antidote or anything?”

“I’m not sure. I’ll have to ask my grandmother that lives there. I’ll let you know, but for the meantime, hold on very tight, okay?”

“What do you mean?!”

“Uhm. She said it’s very potent? I thought she was kidding. We’ll observe them tomorrow, okay? I’ll fix this.“

You were only able to sleep for two hours last night for two reasons: your work that you accomplished at eleven in the evening, leaving you six ample hours to sleep, and second, them.

Your phone didn’t stop ringing last night. You didn’t know how they obtained your number, and you dreaded to think that they used their position to direct the Human Resources department to give your personal number (yup, they definitely did).

You were about to fall asleep when your phone wouldn’t stop, and when you opened your eyes, you wished to all that was holy that you threw away the tumbler as soon as she handed it to you. Or that you didn’t choose the sit next to Seokjin.

You wished to God that your phone wasn’t blowing up now, but it certainly was.

Kookie: Hi, noona! Welcome to the Bangtan groupchat!

You squinted your eyes as the glaring screen illuminated with several messages from them.

Jwehope: Darling, are you a sprite? Because you've got the right amount of fizz to make my heart pop!

Jiminie: That’s so corny. I, for one, think that little one is a magician.

Jiminie: Because everytime I look at her, everyone just disappears.

V: Do you want to disappear, Jimin? Because I can arrange that.

Joonie: Ms. Y/N-shi, do you have a moment? I asked because I would like to discuss something.

At that, your trepidation grew. Among five, the lead CEO definitely held a serious tone. Did they find it as weird as you did that they were paying you attention? Did they trace it to that drink? Were you now in an even bigger mess than you initially thought?

You replied tensely: Yes, I am available, Kim Daepyonim.

WWH Jin: Why are you still awake? Beauty sleep is essential, my love!

Joonie: Great! I’d like to discuss the exponential growth of my feelings for you.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Suga: You’re all so hopeless. My Y/N would never fall for that.

Suga: On the other hand, would you like some Samsung stocks?

And that was why you never got to sleep peacefully last night. You sighed as you got on the bus. You opted to leave at an earlier hour because you wanted some time to think without the noise of the world and the buzzling movement of people commuting. You could feel a headache coming, but you prayed that it wouldn’t come through.

You should have known your prayers were seldom heard.

A vacant seat on the backside of the bus greeted you, and you were only too elated to finally sit throughout your commute. Peace, finally, you thought. You had barely settled in, barely breathed a sigh of relief when the once empty chair beside you was filled in by none other than him

“Fancy running to you here!” Taehyung noted in a deep voice as though this was not part of his plan, as though he didn’t wake up at a godforsaken hour just to ‘run’ to you.

You blinked, astonished by his presence. This was the last place you expected him to be. Hell, you didn’t even sure he ever experienced riding a bus! What the fuck was he doing here? Where was now your peace?!

“You-You’re here…” you trailed off, your eyes widening in shock as your brows furrowed in disbelief. You had foolishly thought that maybe, once they slept it off, then it would slowly be flushed out of their system. Oh, how wrong could you be. “Why?”

Taehyung smirked at you, his dark eyes taking you in. His dark hair was gelled up, his suit impeccable and without any crease in sight. He was somehow manspreading and you weren’t stoic enough not to notice the way his thick thigh was touching the side of yours. “I wanted to see you.”

“You’re so…honest.”

He didn’t even look embarrassed by his honesty. It didn’t displace him; what did was the annoying pain in his heart as the hours passed by and you weren’t in his arms nor his sight. He hated it. It felt wrong!

The other boys weren’t fairing any better but oh well, to each of his own. He may or may have also drained their cars of gas so they couldn’t leave. He thought that no one needed you as much as he did.

“I surmised that you wouldn’t believe if I say I frequent this path just for the hell of it, correct?”

You nodded dumbfoundedly as speech eluded you. His candor was definitely out of this world, and he seemed to not care as he only stared right at you.

“Now,” he whispered before tucking your hair behind your ear. “Now I feel at peace. The annoying pain finally stops.”

What pain?!

Before you could even ask him to elaborate, his head leaned on your shoulder.

“Daepyonim Kim-“

“Just stay like this for a while. I didn’t get to sleep, my love,” he answered in his hoarse voice, his eyes already closed as he dozed off. You didn’t know why you let him. It absolutely was not due to the fact that you felt your heart skipped a beat when he laid his head on your shoulder. Nope.

You managed to run away from Taehyung once the two of you arrived at the company, simply by practicing your non-existent ninja moves and awkwardly slipping out of the elevator just as the doors closed, his face an image of betrayal and panic. You breathed a sigh of relief before running out of the building. You still had an hour before you were needed, you for sure wouldn’t spend it inside that establishment or you would end up crying.

You were focused on your phone as you read real life stories of love potions. The sharing of stories kept on increasingly became more serious and scarier. You had yet to find a post about antidote. You weren’t 100% set on it being real, but the way Taehyung acted today was not right.

For heaven’s sake, the man barely said any word to you for the whole year you worked in their company. He had only looked at you before, and now he was outright going to you. But maybe, the other CEOs weren’t affected?

It was a hopeful thought, and you felt yourself smile a little- which of course vanished just as quickly when you looked up from your seat in the coffee shop to see Park Jimin sitting in front of you. You didn’t even know how he moved so smoothly and quietly. He was smiling at you, his head tilted to the side. His blonde hair stood out as the sunlight hit his hair perfectly.

“Good morning, beautiful!”

“Daepyonim Park,” you gasped both at shock and well, his beauty. His smile turned wider before he tried to hide it as he sipped from his coffee cup.

“Just Jimin, little one. I presume Taehyung- the bastard who will soon be six feet underground for what he did, by the way- already went to see you?”

You nodded, “He did…”

He scrunched his nose before resting his chin on his hand as he leaned into you. His pouty lips were protruding even more as he looked over his long lashes to you. My God, this man was so charming and his movements seemed so sensual. You didn’t know what it was about him, but you finally, finally understood your coworker who had a major crush on him for years based on one interaction.

“He’s so bad, my love. Did he tell you that he drained all our cars’ gas tank at two in the morning?” he asked in a conversational manner as though it didn’t faze him. His other hand reached to yours, slowly entangling them together and giggling a little at the slight size difference. He found them perfect and cute.

God, you were so endearing, he thought to himself.

“He did what?!”

He nodded slightly, holding your hand up to inspect further before quietly taking a picture of your clasped hands. You were so out of it that you just let it be.

“What Taehyung failed to account for was the existence of taxis. He only managed to anger six men, so good luck to him today. But enough about him,” he stated before looking into your eyes. Being the sole focus of Jimin was just too much, you thought. He was bigger than life, and his inherent appeal was palpable that even girls around the coffee shop kept on stealing glances on him. “I miss you so much today that my heart and head hurt so much, yeobo. I thought that I was going to die if I don’t see you.”

Your brows furrowed in concern before pulling your hand from him and you could have sworn you heard him whimpered. You laid the back of your hand on his forehead, trying to see whether he had fever today. He felt fine, you concluded, as you looked closer to see if he looked sick.

Maybe the ‘love potion’ caused these symptoms? Taehyung did mention experiencing pain.

You managed to escape from Park Jimin when he insisted on buying you pastries, and you in turn ran to the exit like your life depended on it. And perhaps, it did because you were running late. You only had fifteen minutes and the coffee shop you went to was not fifteen-minute away from the office. You were running like a lunatic, waving at the taxi that finally took pity on you. You were about to open the door when a large and tattooed hand slammed it shut.

You looked up in anger, ready to berate the man who did such a rude gesture when you recognized who it was.

Right then and there, and despite it being barely eight in the morning, you already met the entirety of maknae line. Jeon Jungkook looked like a badass with his all-black getup, his hands wrapped in motorcycle gloves, and his hair carelessly falling around his face. Despite all that, he looked innocent with the way he grinned at you, his nose all scrunched up when he greeted you.

“I’ll give you a ride, noona. Come on,” he stated as he gestured at the black motorcycle haphazardly parked on the side. You had never ridden one, and you didn’t want to start now. On the other hand, the taxi was already driving away and you could only look at it with longing.

You decided that you could afford being late just this once instead of riding with him. You were shaking your head.

“But you’re going to be late. I’m going there, too, so it’s no bother if that’s what you’re thinking-“

“No it’s just… I like to walk during the mornings…really.”

He frowned at you as he removed his gloves, “Didn’t you read the memo about tardiness, Y/N?”

“What memo?”

He was typing rapidly on his phone, “About how there would be 50% deduction of the salary should there be any tardiness this month…didn’t you know?” he asked innocently as he finished typing, his doe eyes trained on yours. Coincidentally, the moment he pocketed his phone was the moment your phone dinged.

“I don’t think that’s legal, though. I haven’t received the memo-“

You looked down at your phone, and there it was, an email about that. How could it only reach you now?!

You looked up in panic, and he looked at you with a hint of satisfaction before covering it with an innocent smile. “Shall we? I promise I don’t bite.” Yet.

He drove like a lunatic and you thought that you would really rather be late than experience a thrill such as this. Of course, it was only natural that you didn’t want to put your arms around him. You technically didn’t know him at a personal level and Jungkook did know that.

So, of course, like the intelligent man that he was, he only did the thing that made sense. He sped up, and he chuckled as your adorable screams reached his ears. Your equally lovely arms were now wrapped around him as they should always be and for once since yesterday, the ache in his heart eased. He felt at peace.

He giggled when you finally realized that this was not the path to the office, but in his mind, his other hyungs already got to spend time with you. Shouldn’t he too?

Jungkook helped you get off his bike, his eyes closely watching your expressions as you took the scenery around you. It was quiet despite the busy world below. The overlooking garden he brought you to was enchanting and it remained untouched by the quick-pacing world below. Jungkook couldn’t help but mirror your smile.

“It’s even more beautiful at night, noona. I come here when things get quite overwhelming.”

You turned to him as the two of you sat down. He had laid his leather jacket for you to sat on, a true gentleman you would think if only you weren’t aware that he drank the potion. “The golden maknae gets overwhelmed, too?”

He scrunched his nose at you before softly pinching your nose, “Of course, I do. I’m only human. I was trained when I was only thirteen…it gets too much sometimes. But it’s okay. I like it, and I like the hyungs, too. That’s why I cannot get mad at Tae.”

“He didn’t just empty the gas tank, but he also hid the keys. For added measure, he deflated my tire. He only did that to me. Should I be mad, little one?” he asked with the perpetual charming and shy smile on his face. “Ahh, but I cannot stay mad at him. I do understand him.”

“You do?”

He nodded eagerly, “I would have done the same thing if only he didn’t do it first. You do make us crazy, little one. Why is that?”

It was an eventful morning, and you weren’t foolish enough to think that the rest of your day would be any different. You friend was still yet to be found as she was preoccupied with researching for further information about that potion, which she should have done before giving it to you!

You sighed for the million time as you stared at your food. You were sitting alone in the company’s cafeteria as you were eating your late lunch. The workload was just too much today despite Kim Namjoon’s departmentwide directive that the revision would be presented the following month. Your superiors did find it peculiar and thought that the head CEO was simply playing with them and that he would cruelly demand the output the next day. See, even his reputation preceded him, you thought. It wasn’t in his nature to be lenient when it came to deadlines.

The sudden gentle thud of food a lunch box made you jumped from your seat, your eyes widening as you saw that it was none other than the eldest of the CEOs, Kim Seokjin. Disbelief held you captive. It was an unexpected sight – the CEO, whose tailored suits and polished demeanor spoke of boardroom authority, now standing before you with a container of something that smelled absolutely delicious.

He smiled at you as he took the empty seat in front of you. He busied himself with laying and opening the numerous food containers in front of you. Your eyes widened at all the homecooked meals in front of you.

“I got up at four in the morning to prepare all these. I still don’t know what your favorites are, but we’ll figure it out as we go, right?” he asked, busying himself with putting food on your plate. “Always eat on time, little one. It’s bad to skip meals.”

“W-why did you cook all these?”

He blinked owlishly at your question; surprise written on his face. “Well, my love, I couldn’t sleep and I felt this stabbing pain by the mere thought that you weren’t eating enough.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“So from now on, I decided that I’ll always cook for you,” he declared strongly before lifting his chopsticks with vegetables to your mouth. Suddenly, you felt eyes on you.

How could you forget that you were in the company?! Your head turned, looking at the employees who were all watching your interaction with the unobtainable CEO. They were whispering and you knew by the end of the hour, everyone in the company would know of this. How could you live once they had the antidote? You could already hear the rumors about how you were just for their entertainment once they tossed you aside.

You were about to stand up when Seokjin gently gripped your chin. He turned you to him, his beautiful eyes willing you to listen to him. “Don’t mind them, little love. Pay attention to me only. Nothing and no one matter outside us, okay?”

It wasn’t okay because none of this was real. On the other hand, the meal tasted heavenly…

---

If they weren’t going to get sick, you definitely would. You felt like you would collapse any moment.

The amount of stress was taking a toll on you. You felt like you needed to be on your guard, lest another CEO would ambush you. You were just human! And they all looked like they stepped out of a photoshoot, or that they were ethereal beings that decided to go down on the mortal realms. The way they were showering you with attention and declaring their attraction to you and the way they said that not being with you felt like a stabbing pain in their hearts were all getting to you, damn it!

You were just a girl.

And once this all ended, you were dreading to think of what would be left of you now that you saw them on a closer and more personal level. You wanted to think that this couldn’t get any worse, but it did as you read the most elusive of the CEOs’ email to you.

Hi, my little one,

I hope this email finds you well. I am writing to request your presence at a meeting in my office to discuss my growing feelings for you today at 2:00 pm. Your insights and expertise on this matter would be highly valuable to the discussion, and I believe your input will contribute significantly to our objectives of being together forever and ever.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation, and I look forward to our discussion.

Best regards,

CEO Min Yoongi

He had this faraway look on his face when you were led by his secretary in his office. His hands were in his pocket as he looked at the bustling city from his floor to ceiling window. His black long hair was sleeked back, revealing his stoic face. The dark suit he was wearing did nothing but compliment his form. You had never noticed how broad his shoulders were until now.

He looked like he was not paying attention, yet he turned around the moment that the door closed behind you. Min Yoongi looked at you for a moment too long that you started to shift uncomfortably. His attention was just too much, and you couldn’t act like you were no longer affected by any of it.

And from the looks of it, the moment you blushed was the exact moment his face softened. He gestured for you to take the seat in front of his desk. He mirrored your movement, now sitting on his expensive swivel chair. He clasped his hands and rested them on the mahogany table.

“Daepyonim Min-“

He held his finger up, asking for your silence before spilling what you thought to be both outrageous and the most beautiful and heartfelt thing anyone had ever said to you in this life. “You’re beautiful, and not just in the way that you look. No. You’re beautiful in the way that the sun finally shines after a month of storms; you’re beautiful in the way that the waves keep on going back to the shore even after they were pushed away in the desire to kiss the sand; you’re beautiful in the way that flowers bloom after the unforgiving winter coldness. And that is why I’m giving you Samsung stocks.”

Confusion settled over you like a fog. You had almost melted from what felt like a poetry when he once again brought up his stocks idea from last night.

“I-I really don’t need Samsung stocks, Daepyonim Min…”

He looked aghast at your statement, before reaching over the table and holding your hand in his particularly large ones. “Call me Yoongi, my love. Or better yet, call me your other half,” he implored you and he only let go when you nodded in confusion.

“Also, nonsense! Everyone needs that stock, little one. Besides, nothing speaks more about my love for you than giving you all my Samsung stocks. And above and beyond, it filled me with this immense pain knowing that you’re just out there not owning any of their stocks. I couldn’t breathe with the mere thought of you going without.”

“Excuse me?”

And with a stoic face, he said, “Congratulations, little one. You’re now a millionaire."

At six in the evening, the head CEO finally made an appearance. You did find it peculiar that you had a fairly quiet afternoon after meeting with Yoongi. Your brows were pinched together as you were lost in thought when the elevator opened, revealing the head CEO. He had yet to notice you, his large and imposing form leaning against the side of the elevator. His eyes were close. You noticed that his white sleeves were already folded, his tie already loosened as his black suit laid on his thick forearms.

Kim Namjoon was the image of weariness, and you thought he looked quite pale. Your growing concern for him was what made you stepped inside the lift rather than running away yet again. The sound of your heels as you stepped in was the only sound in the elevator. You pressed for the ground floor and you saw that the floor for basement three was already pressed. Perhaps, the head CEO was going home now. Now that you were standing almost next to him, you only further affirmed how small you were next to him. He was already larger than life, and the way he always held himself exuded confidence made him more striking…and manly in your eyes.

The ride was fairly quiet, and through it all, he had his eyes closed. You kept on stealing glances, thinking that maybe among the other CEOs, he took in the least amount of potion. You felt lighter with that thought. At least you only had five men you needed to find the antidote for. Come to think of it, you hadn’t seen the sunshine of the group, Jung Hoseok yet.

The elevator dinged, signifying your floor. You had taken merely a step when you felt a large hand completely encircling your wrist, effectively stopping you from leaving. You automatically turned, startled to find him with his eyes trained on you. He looked way too alert for someone who had his eyes closed for the past minute. You gasped when he pulled you closer to him as he pressed the close button.

“Daepyonim Kim,” you called him as you craned your neck to look at his draconic eyes.

“Leaving so soon?" he asked, his deep voice carrying a subtle mix of amusement and curiosity.

You hesitated, the words tumbling out of your mouth as he caught you off guard. “I... uh, yes. I was heading to the lobby. I’m about to leave for the night," you stammered, attempting to regain composure.

A playful smile curved his lips as he completely blocked the exit. leaned against the elevator frame, effectively blocking your exit, which sounded successful as the door closed. “I missed you,” he breathed as he took you in, his thumb gently running over the inside of your wrist as though touching you brought him immense comfort. “A lot. It was hell without seeing you the whole day.”

You blinked owlishly and you wanted nothing but to hide your face from the intensity of his gaze, but he wouldn’t let you. Instead, he smiled so gently at you, the dents on his cheeks making an appearance which made him more charismatic that you couldn’t say no when he told you that he would take you home.

But he didn’t exactly say which home because you ended up in what turned out to be the CEOs’ huge ass mansion. Your eyes roamed around the mansion, the high ceilings and the fancy marble flooring all screamed wealth that you didn’t even dare of dreaming to have. He confidently led you to what appeared to be a grand dining room. The room bathed in the soft, flickering glow of candlelight, casting a warm and intimate ambiance. The delicate flames danced gracefully, creating patterns of light and shadow that played across the table. The air carried the subtle fragrance of the candles, a mix of vanilla and subtle hints of lavender.

The dining table was adorned with crisp, white linen, and the flickering candles were nestled in elegant holders, their glow reflecting off polished silverware and crystal glasses. Each flame seemed to dance in harmony with the gentle melody playing in the background, creating a soothing symphony that enveloped the space.

He pulled a chair for you, and instead of sitting across from you, he sat beside you. He chuckled lowly when he caught your questioning eyes, “I have been apart from you for so long today, little one. I need this to feel alive.”

You straightened up in vigilance that the other CEOs would show up. “Are the others here, too?”

He looked at you like you said something funny. The chef he hired today gently laid all the dishes he made, explaining about each dish before wishing the two of you an enjoyable night. Namjoon told you that he wouldn’t feed you any of the food he made unless he enrolled himself in a culinary school first, hence the chef. He waited for the chef to leave before turning his full attention to you.

“I shipped them off to Antartica.”

“You what?!”

“I simply said we were flying to Japan for a quick meeting. They believed. I lied. End of. So anyway, how many children do you think we should have?”

My God, you wanted so bad to lay on your bed and sleep the whole night. You though about filing for sick leave tomorrow, you were long overdue for a leave, anyway. Kim Namjoon was kind enough to drop you off. However, it was only after you promised him that you would talk about possible schools for your future children that he let you go.

On the other hand, your friend finally called and you were sorely disappointed to know more about what she gathered today. Her grandmother had to ask the other folks that lived in the mountain about your situation and it somehow appalled you that you weren’t the first to experience this.

It was, at the same time, sad to see people resort to this from loneliness.

Was an artificial, forced love and companionship better than being alone?

There were both an instant and quite a long-term effect of the potion, she said. The instant was mostly upon ingesting the liquid. Once they locked eyes with the owner of the potion which so happened to be you since she technically gifted it to you, then the immense attraction would start. You thought that this explained why the seven of them all acted that way in the conference room.

The long-term effects were what caused you to groan all the way up to your apartment. And right then and there, you saw what the long-term effects were. As you trudged up to your apartment, you felt the exhaustion to your very bones. You were looking forward to a hot shower in an effort to wash away the problems that stemmed from a simple prank when you saw who was leaning against your front door.

The last of the CEO, Jung Hoseok, was leaning against the door, his head bowed down as he clutched his heart. He looked like he was in unfathomable pain, his lips almost the shade of white. And your friend’s words echoed in your mind.

‘Prolonged non-contact with the object of their desires will cause them to be physically ill.’

You hurried up to him, holding his shoulders as you looked at him. You were crouched down in front of him, peeking up at his pained face.

“S-sir, are you okay?”

His chest tightened, his face contorted, a mask of agony etched with lines of distress. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, evidence of the intense effort to draw in even the smallest amount of air. The hallway fell silent, save for the raspy, labored breaths that escaped him.

‘They may try to fight the unexplainable feelings they have, and this will only cause them harm. In fact, if they go without you for a long period of time, their body will suffer for a long time.’

“Hoseok? Can you hear me? I’ll call for help, okay?” you tried to make yourself sound calm for his sake, but seeing him struggling, desperate to gasp for air was making you panic. Your negligence did this, you thought. You should have made sure that you were holding the right tumbler that day.

You were about to turn to call for help when you felt a hand pulled you closer, and before you knew it, he had his arms around you. He was still breathing hard, but you noticed that the shallow breathings were farther and apart as though he could finally breath. The moment you touched him, the moment you looked into his eyes was the exact moment that a wave of relief swept over him as the oppressive grip on his chest began to loosen. The moment that you called his name was the moment that the torment that had shackled his every breath gradually lifted, replaced by the sweet release of a deep, calming respiration.

“Don’t leave me.”

‘However, every interaction with you would only make their attraction grow further.’

You placed a glass of water in front of the man who now looked perfectly fine as though he wasn’t fighting for his very life outside your apartment. He was offering you reassuring smiles as he gently watched you. He was surrounded by sacks of expensive cat food, toys, and vitamins. And of course, your cat was only too happy with them, evident by the excessive purring he was emitting as he climbed on the CEO’s lap.

“I did hear that you have an adorable son int the form of a cat,” he started as he petted your spoiled cat. “As his future daddy, I would like to provide for him as early as now.”

You didn’t pay attention to whatever he was saying, and instead, you sat next to him to see if he was really fine. The paleness was now exchanged by a healthy look on skin. It was as though that didn’t happen.

“Hoseok, listen…the reason that you are all acting this way to me, the girl you didn’t even notice before this, was because-“

“Because of that drink, right?” he interrupted you, wearing a soft smile that conveyed he harbored no anger.

“Y-you know…”

He nodded before tilting his head, “I do. It’s weird, as you said. The thing is, all of us suspects the same thing. You, little one, only confirmed it.”

“I didn’t mean for any of these to happen-“

The soft look he had was now dropped, revealing the strict CEO that everyone knew him to be. “Regardless, little one. You need to take responsibility over your actions.”

“H-how?”

“You’re going to live with us until all of this fades. You’re going to take responsibility over us, my love.”

Part 2 sneakpeak, Part 2

[smokesynthesised]

After 8 long years! 2 fucked up relationships, broken dreams, broken bones, hopes and everything a guy can lose, losing every bit of it, losing every bit of my sanity, am back at writing, am back at getting numb, and getting high af! Just to feel normal! I mean it! Normal.

Day1

Im trying.

Like I have always been trying.

Trying, to get past my heavy chest, heavy heart, burden of hurting the only people who have ever loved me, my mom and my dad! My shield, my sword. My king and my queen.

Honestly, it took me 3 decades!

30 fucking years.

To see, and to feel how diabolically, I treated them all my life.

And to be here? To be hurt by the people who never cared, but only acted/faked/deceived their emotions, their feelings, I think, its a small price! An insignificant amount! I mean it. But it's the price, I am ready to pay!

I know I realised it tooo fucking late in life that first love should have been them!

Not them whores, not them wannabes, not them boys asking me to be careless and carefree!

I'm glad, i realised it, before it was too late.

I'm glad, that now I really know, how they wanted me to feel, and how I made them feel.

I am ashamed of myself, for a lot of reasons, a lot of things.

I hate myself for not listening to them.

For not doing anything, EVER, to put a smile on their faces.

I deserved it. And I'm glad, karma didn't just serve me, but this time, it forced my eyes open.

I have no idea, if things were still the same, even after today, it lowkey gets me scared, just the idea, of not being able to realise this, it leaves a scar, and a feeling of disgust, for myself.

But, im happy, im really really really happy, that because of those whores and those assholes, im finally starting to understand how I have made them feel, and that now, I can finally start acting in the right direction.

I am glad them girls left me sooo deep in this void, that it was actually fucking dark, pitch black, and that it would have took me another 30 decades to smile and be happy irl.

Thank-you Mansi, thankyou sakshi, thankyou shubhita, thankyou sonam si ngh, thankyou Abhijeet Singh, for treating me like shit when all I ever did was to put your life at ease, and comfort you with everything you desire, and not caring about me, even for a second.

Thankyou guys.

You have done something really great for me here.

Thankyou.

Special thanks to mansi bisht, Abhijeet Singh, the two people, whom I believed to be my sun and moon, to actually show me that light in that hellhole you left no void in your fake promises, your lies, deceptions!

Thankyou sonam singh, for not being there! At all, and choosing someone who couldn't treat you right, someone who make you so much in bare minimum. For thinking you were the one who was hurt. Like always!

I was wrong! About so many things, thankyou mansi bisht, thankyou, for today, and the five long years, where you were with me 24x7x365-sundays.

I loved you, like mommy and dadyjee love ke, definitely more.

But now, i know better.

Buckle up Bois and girls.

Your time is coming soon! Power to you.

At last, like every fucking dark night, the bright morning light, the sun! My mom and dad! I can't thank you enough! I want you to know that I love you, but I was just not mentally capable of seeing the things you do for me, even after I put you in the worst of the situations.

In situations, no parent has ever been tested for.

Thankyou for never giving up on me.

I promise, to be a better man! And a happy man! I am ashamed of myself, so much, that I can't even text you this. Can't text you how much I'm thankful, to have parents like you

I wish, I don't fail to become only 0.1% of what you are. The purest souls. The most beautiful couple, my ideal couple, my life goals.

I promise, i wont fall in the same hell hole, ever again! Because I know, this time, i won't stop tracing your footsteps. And become, a good guy.

[lqfiles]

okay…. imessages games I AM SO HAPPY

also dw abt me spending too much time here, i was on a four days long weekend while i was active :3

also skating sounds REALLY cool i always wanted to try but in my town the place where people learn to skate is filled with weed and other drugs not to mention mean ppl so yea… also i am NOT skilled at volleyball 😭🙏🏻 well im kinda getting better now cause i started playing back in 2022 but after a game in another school some dudes were kinda molesting us and talking about our bodies so i got creeped out and stopped playing… and came back this year! i wanna be a libero this time, not a setter…

also the whole college stuff…? sounds complicated AF i would not survive. also you must be really smart to be in level 3 right? im sure you’re doing a great job now too !! <3

also IKR chenji sre like brothers like pls look at them….. jisung sees him as a role model and chenle can rely on him and they can have fun together BUT MARKMIN??? cutest

whenever someone mentions markmin i always remember that live where jaemin was messing around and mark says somethin like steve jobs sit down bc of his clothes… renaissance comedy perchance

i always write too much u need to tell me to shut up or otherwise i wont 🫤🫤 its REALLY cold here around the VII region in Chile idk abt the UK but TAKE CARE AND REST!!!!!

also im really serious about imessages games 🙂

- 🐣 anon <3

LOLL what is a better bonding experience than playing imessage games? NOTHING!

OH i don’t skate ANYMORE i used to as a child but i know my friends do. still, it can’t be worse than than england cos literally every street here smells like weed (even my school bathrooms.. just unclassy as hell) ALSO WHAT THE FUCK…. i hope you and the other girls are okay, ughhh men are so fucking insufferable, i’ll never understand why they’re so comfortable acting like that to women. i’m happy it didn’t fully ruin volleyball for you and even tho i have no clue what those positions are i hope you’ll get to be libero too ^^

trust me i’m not smart lolll i actually failed my maths exam the first time which is why i wasn’t allowed to immediately go to a level 3 lmao 😭 BUT WE UP NOW WE’RE DOING GOOD college is honestly not too complicated, the teachers help us (kinda) so it’s bearable.

OH EXACTLY EXACTLY see i do believe chenji are soulmates but their dynamic is not ALL THAT 😑 people just want to see them fuck that’s what’s going on.. markmin on the other hand 🥺🥺🥺 if you were to ask me to define markmin it would be that one huya live they did during helfu/hotsa era, jaemin was so clingy to mark and being a baby while also joking around and they were so cute together i think that was literally my markmin awakening.. THE STEVE JOBS JOKE WAS CRAZYY WHY DID HE VIOLATE JAEMIN LIKE THAT LMAOOO

its surprisingly been hot here lately, seems like the weather is preparing for summer lol i hope you stay warm tho <3 don’t catch a cold and don’t worry i like it when you guys ramble i can put my own input into stuff which i love so pls continue!

[gokustormofficial22]

When you want to Write but your Life has been too stressful lately and your Brain feels like its drowning in a tar pool because of it.

no seriously. Last three months have been hell for me. Adulting fucking sucks balls.

Send my sorry ass back to Highschool. I want to go back to the days where my teachers barely assigned work bc apparently once you hit Senior everyone and you included stops caring whatsoever and so work hardly gets assigned or done and you can just write fanfic to ya hearts content and not be in middle of any drama.

Seriously. So sick of it. Gen Z is depressing af. I want to get that free ride in a alien spaceship so I can plead their leader for citizenship so I don't have to come back to Earth. It actually sucks here.

I will be a freaking Janitor on that damn U.F.O just let me leave the problems behind and write Hedgehog's on A03.

[baekhvuns]

this is late mihane mihane

MISS UNIVERSE OH YES BABY i mean how could she not? How could she not be the miss universe? THOSE PRETTY EYES, THOSE LUSH PLUMP LIPS, HIGH CHEEKBONES she wasn't made...she was ARCHITECTED! (idc if it's not a word-) oh and i realized tht the second actress, who is a marvelous dancer was the mc of hum aple hai koaun HOW COULD I BE SO STEWWPIDD! really a shakespare play?...tht just made it better.

NOOOO *ugly crying* you are right i missed that i thought they were just playing and messing around BRUH THEY PREDICTED THE FUTURE their manifesting game is high in negative things, bring it down a notch.

no no no don't even talk about tht movie. the scene where the main actress says, "Ever since you've joined the army, it's like you're trying to distance yourself from me." ... i can't. i can't even-

....eh? they are. the actress is Deepika right? ofc ik her my cousin has a huge crush on her ever since he saw tht one movie where she stars with vin deisel. but this just makes it even better bcz come on, WE GET THE COUPLES WE'RE THRIVING FOR! INDIAN INDUSTRY BE MAKING OUR DREAMS COME TRUE! ooh same director. you gotta tell me which movie did they first meet at.

dude fr. When i tell you i read the little synopsis of the movie i was ..... perplexed. Because goddamm a sting operation?? just for the sexuality? what is wrong with people?? If i ever went to hell imma tell satan to bring those cruel creatures to where i am and i'll show them what 'hell' truly is.

AHHHH NOOO ATEEZ + BODY RYTHMM I FOUND MY NEXT DREAM 😭😭😭😭nah ur right that rawness of ateez, and just hopes and dream...and a boat, True those were the days man. I mean i started stanning them when i heard illusion (its underrated af idk why people don't like it??) and then i stumbled upon those beautiful masterpieces ughh i would sell my soul just to hear those amazing songs once again for the first time.

aww ill always be here, also ik we're like in the whole Yunho era can i just...

thnk u hv a nice day/night/evening *runs away*

no worries! take your time!

RIGHT THISE PRETTY EYES AND THOSE LIPS SHE IS SO GOD DAMN FINE IM VERY MUCH OBSESSED WITH HER SHE REALLY WAS ARCHITECTEDRHWJ (fun fact! all the movies that director has made even the ones deepika starts in, the directors first choice was always miss world 🤲🏻 BUT SHE NEVER IS AVAILABLE) the second actress is oh omg she is so stunningly talented like miss girl rULED 😭😭😭

NO BC WHEN I SAW THAT FOR THE FIRST TIME LIKE THSE MF MANIFESTED THAT INTO THEIR LIVES???? i wish the second actress got a love interest so bad 😭😭😭 some actual nice guy 😭😭

NO RIGHT AND WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO HIS FRIEND HE SAID “i’ll come back, either wrapped in the flag or with the…” 😭😭😭😭 SCREAM CRIED AT THE LAST SONG SCENE LIKE HOW DO U PUT THIS MUCH PAIN INTO 3 MINUTES OF THE SONG

they are! honestly her in that vin diesel movie, she was so incredibly fine, ahead of her time actually !! THEY REALLY MAKING THEIR DREAMS COME TRUE WITH THE WAY THEY FALL IN LOVE ???? those twts about “i could never be a actor bc id fall in love” and they fall in love on set,, oKAY they first met at the movie ram leela (romeo and juliet with a mafia twist!) he saw her later in 2014 (when that movie was gonna film) at an award show where she won an award and he was the one presenting it to her and he just kind fell on spot <3

AND THE WAY IT WAS FUCKING BASED ON AN IRL STORY??? A STING OPERATION JUST FOR THAT??? vile. no ur so right, when i die one day will come back to haunt ppl like this on purpose,,, im sorry but like this is beyond me,, A STING OPERATION OVER SOMEONES SEXUALITY??

right??? treasure had such rawness, like one mic, 8 dreams and a song,,, to be in those simpler times and to ACTUALLY hear their voices blend in w songs like i be missing that so terribly, illusion is so underrated!!!! honestly wave’s entire album is ngl fbwnfh BRING BACK WAVE !!!! right?? ateez’s song choices at that era were so spectacular i just wish they also go into different genres, like a versatile discography— bring back the classics 😭😭

DO NOT PLEASE. DO NOT I JUST FINISHED EDITING YUNHOS TEASER AND UR HERE DROPPING THIS MAN LIKE HE ISNT CALLING MY NAME FROM THE DRAFTS ALREADY

[bronzebtch]

nervous energy ft. personal issues (warning: long af) under read. but really im fine! just nervous <3333

so actually. for those who dont know, i'm 25 right? and im asian. there is some cultural context in there but im not gonna elaborate. but like, in december 2022, i was on this job — i was an assistant producer for a documentary company — and i... long story short: i really did love the people we interviewed, the places we've been, and the crew i was working with. but at the same time, the very person who was from my company (cause we outsourced most of our crew) really.... sorta really did me wrong. and ah!! im crying again writing this a little haha. but like, what i got away after quitting the job was that i was .... just this horrible fucking co-worker.

and the thing is, i know i did good. i know i did the best i could with what's given. like i was on my ass everyday arranging the people / the places we're meeting (bc we're dealing with a lot of academics and historians and museum curators etc), making sure the documents are settled and prepared, and having to be on top of the crews' general health whilst making sure we were wrapping on time so we can get to our next location. like!!! i really wanna believe i did well. but i also know i made some mistakes bc the miscommunication between me and my co-worker was so, so bad. and it just.... it left me so scarred.

and i kept thinking, you know. it's me. if i wasn't such a bitch, maybe this wouldn't have happened. but i also know logically its just honestly horrible miscommunication, and it was both our first experience on a back-to-back travelling documentary (hes like,,, 35+ male btw). and my co-worker and i did sit down and talked it through, but i still.... i left that meeting for some reason, like. not the same. like idk how to say it. i got home, and i had one of the most awful breakdown i've ever had. (like, to the point i got nervous trying to pick out a shirt to wear bc i didnt know how to dress myself.)

long story short, ever since i quit my job (ive been unemployed since jan 2023), i have not touched my computer for almost two months. i was so genuinely scared of it. making rhea in late february i think was like, the first courage i had to open up my laptop, and i'm so happy i did, and i'm so happy the friends i did gather here were welcoming as hell. you guys will have no idea how much everyday you guys encouraged me to do something else besides just.. mourning for my fate. i got motivation again to create because i'm writing with many of you. but the thing is... i've been trying to apply for jobs but i cannot do it. i can't. i can't open my email. i can't open my whatsapp. it terrifies me!!! and i don't know what to do, because i want to have a job, i want to keep moving forward, i don't want to always be afraid, but i am!!!!! i am!!! and im so sick of it!!!!

i want my parents to be proud of me again!!!! i had so much potential and i was so smart and i was so bright, i graduated with honours and 3.8 CGPA, and now what am i!!!! im none of those things!!!!! i feel like all i am are my mistakes!!!! and im so frustrated!!!!! and i want to get my shit together so i can provide for my sister and i can go out and eat with my friends!!!! but my god, even waking up sometimes is so, so hard. anyways .... i know this is long, but - if you're wondering why i'm slow atm, this is why! bc im rlly hoping i'll get a job by april :(( i'm okay though. i just. i need to let this out somewhere.

thank u for reading. rant is over :')

[wastemanjohn]

ALRIGHT AMI I'LL BITE and thanks for the mention ❤ I echo the rec for my name engraved on your heart, it's wonderful and criminally underrated. Go read and save the rainforest.

Okay I feel weird af talking about my own writing but I'm narcissistic enough to do it apparently so here we go. It's really fun to see what it is doing the rounds again lately! To date it's the only longfic I've completed for SPN and I enjoyed every second of writing it. It's wild because it was meant to be a short one shot- I had entirely intended the whole fic to just be what happens in the final chapter (Sam doing what he does while thinking what he thinks) but it just kept growing and growing and I kept getting more excited about how Sam finding out about John and Dean after John died would completely mess him up. I do like making everyone miserable and I definitely did that here lol.

i heard love is blind is the fic of mine that I would call my absolute all time favourite though. I wrote it while I was sick with glandular fever and couldn't do anything else with my time and it really brought me a lot of joy through what was a slow and frustrating recovery period; again what was supposed to just be a quick one shot kept growing and growing. it is actually in my head a companion fic to what it is from john's viewpoint and I think i like it so much because it was my first serious attempt at writing John VP and the only time I genuinely feel like I got him down in a fic exactly how I see him in my head. John/OMC with background johndean, would make my life if anyone feels like checking it out!

And okay because I spoil you guys and because I haven't updated my rec list in a while here are some newer ones off the top of my head that do a general number on my brain:

it can't be that bad by adastreia - Okay so I'm very hard to please with a/b/o but this was perfect. Excellent worldbuilding and sense of place and also just the characterisation/interactions?! Incredible. And gah I just loved this Dean. So much. I wanted to hold him and protect him. (tw discussions of abortion)

ram-jam-bam-ba-lam by @bossymarmalade - - samjohn - How Maggie condensed so much fuckery into so few words is a hell of a skill. Hot and fucked up and also just very darkly funny which I always love to see. Brilliant John characterization where I couldnt quite figure him out - and that's exactly why its good John characterisation haha.

Matryoshka Dolls by @applecrumbledore -The fic I wish I'd written. Absolutely beautiful portrayal of johndean and the aftermath of. Superbly done. Some excellent creepy John and mixed up Dean moments. I don't even have words for how much I loved this fic. Instant fandom classic.

There is no point in staying anywhere by @missmisdemeanor - Okay I do need to catch up with recent updates but just. This is an excellent horror story that I read through my fingers. An AU that doesn't feel too far from SPN in every sense. So good.

puppy lovin' by @samrubygf - Alright this one I'm reccing with my vagina (it is well written though as always!). Omega John getting fucked by Dean, what more could you want? Idk I don't want much more than that personally xD

piggybacking on @missmisdemeanor's ask, on this wonderful dadfucker friday, tell me all about your favorite works (if you're a writer) or your favorite fic (if you're a reader) [or both! both is good!]! let's give ourselves and our favorite writers some love!!

here are some of my absolute faves:

there's no i in team by @vintagedean

it may be pure smut but there is still so much going on beneath the surface and i keep coming back to this time and time again!

what it is by @wastemanjohn

what are you even doing with your life if you haven't read this one yet? it is *that* good, it will alter your brain chemistry forever.

new year's eve, 2002 by @egipci

it is melancholic and heartwarming at the same time and em's writing really doesn't get enough attention, so go check it out if you have a moment!

[bakumu]

four years and ten months (july)

bakugou katsuki x fem! reader

part of the ruby red series. this is part iii of the breakup arc.

part ii | part iv

wc: 6.1k

summary: when you see your ex at deku’s birthday party you can't help but be swept away in the emotions he elicits from you. can you fight against your feelings while he's vying for your heart?

cw: angst, smut (sex with your ex, possessiveness, daddy kink, a lil edging, unportected sex, creampie), nicknames (princess, baby), Baku carries reader (he could do it, have you seen him?), no happy ending, reader looks hot af in a dress and heels, alcohol, side kiri x mina, unreliable narrator, very self-indulgent, reader has a birthday in the last week of july for story purposes.

a/n: I originally put this out on dekus birthday which i feel is a very important detail (but its not lol). next part coming soon!

minors do not interact. this work contains mature themes and if you continue reading you have agreed you are willing to see such content

Bakugou watches you hug Izuku from the corner of the packed bar marveling at the exquisitely well-crafted dress that clings to you in all the right places that also has his mind drifting to places they shouldn't.

Tonight is one of his best friends' birthday parties, and every year Deku goes all out — renting out a five-star restaurant or cocktail bar, but this year he has gone too far. This year he chose a place downtown with a garish chandelier that hangs down from the second-floor balcony, white marble floors with floor-to-ceiling windows fitted with velvet curtains that pool on the floor just waiting to be stepped on. Bakugou can't help but scoff at the gaudy place, but he endures because he knows that you are here.

He's been playing this little game of cat and mouse with you since February. Every month when the class 1-A alumni get together to celebrate birthdays he goes only for the opportunity to see you. And it always ends the same: with him taking you back to his apartment to confess his feeling and to apologize, but it never goes that way. Instead, the two of you make out and find your way to his bed, just for you to leave minutes after giving him what he swears to be the best sex of his life.

Tonight will be different, he promises himself. And if it's not, he knows that he will see you again in two weeks for your combined birthday bash with Sero, Mina, and Jiro. It will be the biggest party of the year with swimming, barbeque, and more alcohol than people will know what to do with. But it is also the six-month mark where he left you standing alone in your apartment crying as he walked out the door.

Bakugou knows that leaving you was the stupidest thing he's ever done. He was working too many hours, not appreciating you, and not giving you what you deserved.

That late December night when he came home from working a double you tried to make Christmas plans with him — something about his mom wanting the two of you to come over for Christmas Eve — but he couldn't handle it. The stress, the pressure of not being where he thought he should have been in the rankings two years after graduating, and not willing to drag you down with him. He blew up, lashed out at you, and walked out right after, cementing his fate.

He knows he was an idiot for not listening to others about taking breaks, especially since that's exactly what he has told Izuku so many fucking times, but he was blinded by pride and stress and took it out on you. He will never forgive himself. It's not an excuse. All he wants to do is apologize to you and have you back in his arms while spending the rest of his life making it up to you. He knows he doesn't deserve a second chance but he hopes that you will give him one anyway.

Hell, he and Kirishima have tried to come up with so many schemes to get you back, but they all felt lackluster and like something out of a shitty rom-com. That's not how he wants to get back together. He wants it to be genuine and heartfelt, not a big grand gesture that you would probably hate anyway.

The idea of getting you back with a flash mob was more than enough to have him want to drop Kirishima as his wingman. But Kirishima has valuable intel, he's dating your best friend Mina and you have been over there venting your emotions to them for the last six months.

Eijiro hasn't told him everything, of course. He just hints at the simple truth that you are still in love with Bakugou, and that fact alone is enough for him to be here tonight, standing in a stuffy, two thousand dollar tailored suit, buttoned up and with a tie snug around his throat. For you, he reminds himself, everything is for you.

He watches Mina leave Kirishima's side, pulling you into a hug and blabbing about something that makes you smile before dragging you away from Deku and to the bar.

“So man, what's the plan for tonight?” Kirishima asks, nudging Bakugou in the side before taking a sip from his glass of whiskey.

Bakugou rolls his eyes at the question. “Tch. Same as always. Just try n’ talk to her.”

A smile forms on Kiri’s face, “Riiiiigghhht,” he exaggerates, drawing out the syllables, “just talking to her, huh?”

“What two consenting adults do together is none of your business, shitty hair,” Bakugou retorts, narrowing his eyes at his best friend.

“Aye, that's what your mom told me last night!” Kaminari chimes in, popping in between his two friends unexpectedly and slinging his arms around each of their shoulders.

“You little shit!” Bakugou shouts, before Denki is rushing off trying to hide from Bakugou as explosions pop in his hands.

Mina intertwines your arms as she leads you over to the bar and orders you both drinks before plopping down on a barstool and patting the empty one next to her.

She sips her drink and looks over you again, closely eying your expensive designer dress.

“Damn, girl! You look so good tonight!” she gushes.

The complement definitely boosts your ego, you better look good tonight, you spent way too long getting ready for you to not look ravishing.

“Thanks, Mina,” you smile at her. Tonight you're happy to be out, it's been such a long time since you've had fun like this.

Mina raises her glass to her lips and takes a sip, “You're not dressed up super fancy for any reason in particular tonight?” She raises her eyebrows as she waits for your response.

“Yeah actually, do you know if Hawks is coming tonight?” you reply.

“Har har, very funny,” she rolls her eyes at you before turning to scan the room. “You know, I think he looks really dashing tonight. Almost like he dressed up for someone in particular...”

“I don't know who you're referring to,” you say, watching the ice in your glass clink together.

You know exactly who she's looking at. You can't act like your eyes didn't immediately search the room for his spikey ash hair and crimson eyes as soon as you got to the party. And when you saw him standing in a corner in a brilliantly tailored suit you almost drooled.

The last few times you've seen him have all led to the same thing: you under him, moaning his name and then pushing him away after, leaving as fast as you can to spare your heart any more pain. You’re probably just a meaningless fuck to him, and you’re too afraid to find out the truth. You honestly don't know if you would prefer that statement to be true or not.

If you are just a fuck to him, at least you still get something out of it. You still get to feel his hands on your body, his strength as he towers over you, and you can let your body pretend that you're still his and he’s yours. After all, who is better to please you than the only person you've ever been with.

On the other hand, if he wants something more, what would that mean for your broken heart? That all your suffering was in vain? Or that he's the only one that can mend it? It doesn't feel right, but you have noticed a change in him: he's more caring, even with reporters and civilians, and you've seen that he wants to talk more. But you are the one that keeps shutting him out.

That guilt eats away at you but then you remember that you thought from a few months ago, ‘I don't want to be in love anymore.’ Was that really true? Is it still true?

You don't have time to ponder before you can hear the sound of someone screaming your name.

“Y/N! HELP ME!” Denki all but screams as he runs at you full tilt with a fuming Bakugou behind him.

You have just enough time to set your drink down on the bar before Kaminari all but slams into you, pushing your body between him and his pursuer.

“Denki, what are you—” you try to blurt out before you stumble in your heels.

You feel yourself falling forward and your brain sends a rush of adrenaline through you. Please body, don't let me fall. Not here in this designer dress.

You feel a solid wall of muscle collide with you and a strong arm wraps around your waist, anchoring you in place and saving you from your plummet.

Oh no.

You’d recognize that scent anywhere, woody sweetness masked by an intoxicating smoky aroma.

You grab onto one of his arms to help you steady yourself and you can feel the muscle flex through his suit. Your gaze trails slowly up his chest and up to his face. His ruby eyes meet yours with something dangerous hidden in his irises and your breath hitches in your throat.

His fingertips feel hot through the fabric of your dress. “Hey, princess,” he draws in a seductive tone. He glances at your lips before trailing down to your chest that is pressed firmly against him.

“Katsuki,” you respond with a breathy whisper.

You can hear Mina berating Denki for being so careless and childish behind you, but her words seem so far away. The only thing you can focus on is the feeling of Katsukis gaze taking you in and the way your heart rate quickens. The world around you fades away and only this moment remains.

“Thank you for catching me,” you manage to squeak out. The soft tone of your voice causes Bakugou to pull you closer to him.

His hand on your back clutches at your dress before he remembers that the two of you aren't alone.

“What else am I supposed to do when you're so obviously fallin’ for me?” he says in a tone only meant for your ears. The smirk on his face is so devilish, you wouldn't mind smacking it off, but you can't stop the butterflies in your stomach from erupting at the implications.

A loud cough from behind you stirs you from your moment with Bakugou. You look over your shoulder and you see Mina’s eyebrows raised, giving the two of you knowing glances.

Kaminari takes this as his opportunity to get away again, giving you a two-fingered salute before making a break for it into the crowd of people.

Bakugou scoffs at Denki’s brazen cowardice, before moving his hands so they are resting on your arms.

“Can we talk later?” he asks, eyes pleading.

You nod in response before he turns away from you, searching for Kaminari in the crowd of people.

“Get the fuck back here, Pikachu!” his voice booms throughout the room as Denki tries to scramble deeper into the crowd.

Bakugou makes his way towards him and you can't help but let out a laugh at their antics. Even in a place as fancy as this they are the same. As childish as it is, you can't help but love their behavior.

You grab your drink on the bar, taking a sip, and leave the glass resting against your lips, smiling into the rim of the drink.

Mina clears her throat, “What's with the smile?”

“I don't know what you’re talking about.”

Of course Mina recognizes that smile. It's the same one that you had the first half of second-year until Bakugou finally made a move on you. The memories make her smile into her own drink before taking a sip. The two of you sure have been through a lot together.

“Uh-huh, sure. I believe you,” she mocks. “Is tonight going to go down like all the other parties?”

Your face falls as you remember that that flirty interaction with Bakugou was just that. It didn't mean anything.

“No,” you respond in a somber tone. “Don't let me leave with him again, Mina.”

You turn to face her with pleading eyes, but she just shakes her head and smiles.

“You always say that, but last time you threatened me with a fork. I don't want to get stabbed,” she laughs.

You know she's right, but she could at least pretend. You let out a small huff of air, and wonder how exactly you've been reduced to threatening your friends with forks just to get dicked down. It's probably Bakugou's fault you decide for the sake of your own sanity.

The rest of the evening went pretty smoothly. Deku made his rounds receiving birthday wishes, Denki and Bakugou got a stern talking to by Kirishima for being so disruptive, and you spent most of the evening with Mina and Jiro surrounded by people sipping on drinks that were way too expensive and laughing way too hard.

It felt really good to be out in society again and not feel like you were burdening others with your sadness. The confidence boost that your stunning attire gave you didn't just make you feel good, it seemed to pull others into your orbit as well. Plus you got to spend time with a bunch of people that you haven't seen in so long and it felt like you were back in school again, being able to talk to all of your friends easily and comfortably.

Bakugou spent most of the night watching you and the flock of people that kept running to your side. Especially the men in the room that couldn't get enough of you. Of course, they couldn't. You looked drop-dead fucking gorgeous and any of them would be fucking lucky to take you home.

He watched Ojiro, Shinsou and even Mirio Togata hang off of your every word, vying for your attention. But he couldn't help how his heart would quicken when he would see your eyes scan the room before landing on him and then quickly turning away from his heated gaze.

It's what fueled him to find you as the party started to wind down.

You’re nursing your final drink of the night. Any buzz that the alcohol had given you earlier was long gone now as you sit alone at the bar. Mina had already left with Kirishima and the crowd had considerably thinned out.

A warm body slides into the seat next to you and you see the spikey blond hair out of the corner of your eye.

“Are you drunk, princess?” he asks playfully.

“Nope,” you let the ‘p’ pop on your lips before you take another sip, “and you shouldn't call me that anymore, you know.”

“Oh, so you don’t like it anymore?” he chimed, not missing a beat and bringing his face closer to yours.

You feel your cheeks heat up and look away from him, “I didn't say that…”

“What are you doing for the rest of the night?” he asks as if it wasn't already one in the morning.

You rub your ankle, massaging the heel where the pain started a few hours ago. “I’m hopefully going home and taking these heels off.”

“Can I join you? I really want to talk.”

You mull over your options. You can either go home alone and feel miserable, or you can go home with him, have a really good orgasm and then feel miserable. You're going to be miserable either way, you figure, so you might as well start thinking with your pussy rather than your brain.

You turn to face him in your chair, “What do I get out of it?”

He smirks and lets out a small laugh, “I have been told that I am a very good conversationalist.”

He has never been told that once in his whole life and much as you try to suppress the smile forming on your lips, you can't. Katsuki puts an elbow on the bar and rests his head on his arm, swinging his leg under the table and watching you finish your drink.

“You're in a good mood tonight,” you say to him quizzically.

“I am now.” Sitting here with you like this, almost as friends, definitely flirting, is making him feel like a teenager again, you've always had that effect on him. Watching you get hit on all night did sour his mood, but now that your attention is on him, he feels content.

You let out a small breath of air before taking the last sip of your drink. “You're just excited to get laid.”

No, you’re wrong, he thinks; he's excited to spend time with you, to talk with you, but he won't complain if the night ends up with the two of you between the sheets, but he keeps that to himself as the two of you stand.

You get your purse from the coat check and try to say your goodbyes to a very drunk Deku, who is hanging dangerously off of Iida’s arms, with Iida trying to wrangle him towards the exit.

Bakugou follows you outside with a hand on your lower back.

“Did you drive?” he asks you.

“No, I carpooled with Jiro. I was just going to Uber home.”

He hums in response, “We can take my car then.”

He leads you through the parking lot to his car and opens the door for you, helping you inside before he climbs into the driver's seat.

When the car is started, he blasts the AC to get the summer heat out and distractedly asks you, “Your place then? It's closer.”

You fidget with your fingers in your seat before you look at him. “Um, I actually got a new place so yours is closer now,” you respond, trying to gauge his reaction to the news that you moved out of the first apartment that you had shared, the first place that the two of you had made love, the last place where you were his.

A variety of emotions played on Katsuki’s face, and his eyebrows furrow as he takes in the news. He has no right to be upset or off-put by this, but in a way, it's like a piece of you is finally done with him.

He rubs at the ache in his chest. “I guess it's my place then.”

A part of you was hoping for a stronger reaction from him as he begins the drive to his apartment. You hoped he would be angry or sad at you for leaving the home that surprised you with all those years ago. Why does it hurt that he doesn't care?

You watch the streetlights cast shadows on your reflection in the mirror during the near-silent car ride as your mind wanders. What is it about cars that make you always think so hard? Is it the fact that they are literally moving you along from one fixed point to another? They leave no room for miscalculations but driving is something that most people don't even think about.

You wish that life was as easy as driving from one spot to the next, but feelings make that a little too hard. Sure, you can pick a person, get married, drive along all the spots in life, but what's the point if there is no love, or if the line you're driving on suddenly drops out from under you.

The image of Bakugou driving the car containing the two of you suddenly dropping off the road causes your stomach to flip, and not in a good way.

You at him driving so effortlessly, his hands resting comfortably on the steering wheel with his side profile being perfectly framed by the reflection of the building behind him on the glass. You trace your gaze down his neck and to the muscles flexing under his shirt as he makes a turn.

You're not sure what his reasons are for wanting to talk to you so often, or if that's just what he's decided to call these rendezvous. Does he want to talk about a friends with benefits situation, because you don't think you could handle that. But is that really different from what you're doing right now?

And this thing that you're doing now, you're sure everyone knows about it. Do they think worse of you for fucking your ex? Do they know that you're still totally and completely still in love with him, even though every night you swear that you will wake up tomorrow and forget him? They probably do.

Worst of all, is he just using you? Meeting up with you like this after parties because it's convenient for the two of you and easy because you know each other's bodies so well? It's an option that you've considered almost every night at three a.m. when you can’t sleep. It would break you even more than the first break up did, so that's why you can never just talk to him.

You're terrified of what these feelings of yours are going to put you through. The last thing that you need is to be shattered into a million pieces again by the same man. So you've taken precautions to guard your heart, not that you've been able to follow them.

The first rule was no kissing. That went out the window the first time you were alone with him. You practically dislocated a disk in his neck with the strength you used to pull his mouth to yours.

The second rule was no feelings. Yeah, you laughed when you broke that rule the second you thought of it. You were royally fucked already, there was no way you wouldn’t have feelings for him.

The third rule, and the only one you've actually been able to keep, is no sleeping over and no cuddling after. You’ve read enough fanfiction and seen enough movies to know that sleeping in the same bed or cuddling after sex always leads to more complicated emotions. One bed trope? No thank you.

You try to clear your mind of all the negative thoughts as Bakugou pulls into his parking garage.

Maybe you should just ask him to take you home.

He gets out of the car and briskly walks over to help you out of your seat, lending you a hand to help steady yourself in your heels. His fingers intertwine with yours, holding your hand hostage, but your heart betrays your brain by quickening its beat and making heat bloom across your chest.

You're pulled into the heat of him again as the two of you make your way towards his apartment and he holds you close in the elevator, running his hand along the side of your face. He's never been big on words, but this touch of his is giving you more hope than your body can hold.

Be strong, you tell yourself, don't pounce on him when the door closes, hold back, hold back.

He unlocks the door to his place, letting you step in first before he follows.

As soon as the door to his apartment closes, you throw all caution to the wind. Fuck feelings, fuck obligations, and fuck what everyone else thinks. If he just needed to use you as a release, then you can do the same too, right?

You thread your fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and pull his face towards yours, kissing him. His reaction is immediate, kissing you back with an amount of passion that shocks you. He bites at your bottom lip and you gasp, allowing his tongue to slip into your mouth.

His hands grip your hips tightly, pulling you even closer to his body. The heat coming off him makes your blood run hotter and you need to touch his skin to feel it for yourself.

Without breaking the kiss, you start to push his suit jacket off of his shoulders. Your hands trail down his arms, feeling his muscles as you move the fabric off of him. He grabs the jacket when it gets to his hands and throws it on the floor before gripping your hips and spinning the two of you so that your back hits the wall.

With one last lick to your lips, he pulls his face back.

“Damn you, woman,” he says breathlessly, “I really need to talk to you.”

You intertwine your arms behind his head and purr directly into his ear, “And I really want you to fuck me, Katsuki.”

He grinds his hips into you and you can feel his half-hard cock pressing into you. The last thing you want to do is talk right now. Your mind is too filled with the need to touch him, to be full of him, to use him as an escape from your reality.

“Please,” —you place a kiss on his neck, dragging your bottom lip across the skin— “I need you so bad.”

You can feel his resolve crumble as he ruts his hips against you.

Bakugou can't believe that he's about to make the same choice that has haunted him these past months, but he can't say no to you. He has never been able to say no to you. Any moment with your lips on his skin is better than without. He can talk to you after, he’ll convince you to stay this time.

Without warning, he grabs your ass and hoists you into his chest. He makes himself busy by kissing your neck and you thread your hands into his hair for balance while he’s carrying you to his bedroom.

Every time you've been in his apartment, you notice the small amount of new furniture he's accumulated since leaving you all the furniture in your old apartment after the break-up. Today is no different. When he hoists you up, you get a nice view of a dark high backed reading chair that looks perfect to curl up in.

You’re happy that he's gathering more stuff and no longer is sleeping on a mattress with no bed frame, Kirishima told you about that after he first moved in, but that thought makes some part of your heartache. It means he is just moving on from you and filling his life with new things.

A smack to your ass pulls you from your thoughts. “Hey, pay attention to me,” Bakugou says before dropping you onto the bed.

“Sorry, Katsuki,” you pout.

He grips your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“Is that what you call me?” he asks with a stern tone.

You sit up a little straighter in the bed, pushing your chest out for him. “I'm sorry, Daddy.”

“There’s my good girl,” he coos, making your cunt clench at the praise. “Do you need anything special tonight?”

You shake your head, “I just wanna be your good girl.”

The way your eyes look up at him, pleading with him to take care of you, has him melting. He loves you so fucking much. Of course, he's going to take care of you, he’s always going to take care of you.

You grab the belt loops on his pants and pull his hips closer to you, your mouth watering in anticipation.

“You're an eager baby tonight, aren't you?” he says mockingly.

You nod your head again with a bigger pout. In truth, you just want to forget anything for as long as he will allow you. You want your head to be lost in the clouds while he ravages your body.

“I bet you were thinking about me all night while those extras were trying to smooth talk their way under your dress,” he sneered as his hand caresses slowly up your arms, to your shoulders, and to the zipper along your back.

Goosebumps follow along your skin where he touched, and you wait on bated breath as he slowly unzips your dress, leaning over your body and caging you in.

“You looked so fucking sexy in this dress, but I think I prefer you like this.”

He slips the dress from your shoulders and slowly drags the fabric down your chest. The built-in bra saves him an extra step and he silently thanks the gods above for the design of this dress.

“Fuck,” he moans when he palms your breasts in his hands and your breath hitches as he attaches his mouth to one of your nipples, lightly sucking and grazing his teeth across the bud.

Your hands start to unbutton his shirt as he pulls moan after moan from your body, playing you like an instrument that he’s long since mastered.

You tug at his shirt and he stands up straight, pulling it the rest of the way off his arms before grabbing his white undershirt behind his neck and pulling it over his head. He tilts his head slightly, encouraging you to finish taking off your dress and heels as he rids himself of the rest of his clothes.

Once your clothes are piled on the floor, he runs his hands along your hips before leaning down to kiss you. His tongue darts out and licks at your lips before diving into you. As he lays you back on the bed with the weight of his body, you feel his hands lift you up, moving you higher on the bed flush against him.

His hands refamiliarize themselves with your skin as his tongue claims you, his grip alternating between rough and tender as he revels in your gasps. His kisses trail down to your neck before you feel a hand snake between your legs.

He runs two fingers along your slick, and groans at the wetness already there.

“Already this wet for me?” he growls into your neck.

His fingers circle your clit, once, twice, before he slowly inches them inside you.

When he's knuckle deep, he curls them and your head falls back against the bed in bliss. He slowly starts to pump them inside you, curling them just right to make you squeal.

You shouldn’t be surprised that he knows how to play your body so well, after all, he's the only one who's ever touched you like this, but it still surprises you every time.

His fingers slip in and out of you so easily, Bakugou can barely think straight. The only thought running through his head is ‘mine, mine, mine.’ He wants to ruin you so softly and completely it makes his dick ache.

“Baby,” his voice comes out slurred and full of yearning, “tell me what you want so I can give it to you.”

His fingers are still curling into you and you blink away stars as you try to respond.

“Please, Daddy. Want your cock, please,” you squeal.

Your body is just on the brink of orgasm, your legs shaking as you feel the pressure in your core ready to snap until Katsuki pulls away from you completely.

You let out a whine at the loss of contact.

“Don't be so dramatic, princess,” he rolls his eyes, “You’ll get to cum on my cock, don't worry. I’ll take care of you.”

“Please, want your cock,” you begin to babble. Your words make Katsuki’s dick twitch when he gives himself a few strokes before lining the tip to your dripping hole.

He presses the tip in and watches your eyes flutter. He knows he's big, but it makes his chest swell with pride at your reaction to his cock every single time. He presses in deeper as your walls try to suck his soul out. He gives you small thrusts until he bottoms out in you.

Your nails scrape down his back leaving red marks in their wake. You feel so full of him and your mind is peacefully quiet, only filled with how good he makes you feel.

“Daddy, more,” you plead as you clench around him, trying to will him to move.

“Fuck, don't do that or you’re gonna make me cum,” he growls into your neck.

He slowly pulls out, enjoying the drag against your plush walls, before slamming into you again and starting a steady, but brutal, pace. His cock prods against the spongy spot inside you with every stroke and you swear that you could die happy right here in his arms with his cock inside of you.

Your moans mix in the air with his breathy pants before he’s kissing you fiercely again. Lips moving harshly against his as he continues to pound into you.

One of his hands grabs yours and entwines your fingers above your head, giving him leverage to start slamming his cock into you deeper and harder, kissing your cervix with each thrust.

Your walls are pulsing around him and he knows you're close. Your legs are shaking around his waist as your body arches off the bed and he presses his thumb against your clit.

He watches as your eyes roll into the back of your head and as your body tenses and you moan his name.

“K-katsukiiii.”

His hips buck into you harder, drawing out your orgasm while his inches closer and closer.

“Mine. Mine. Mine.” He growls over and over until his thrust becomes uneven and he's spilling into you. His thick cum warms you from the inside as his cock stays buried in your walls.

His lips claim yours as he pulls out of you slowly. You can feel the mixture of your cums seem out onto your thighs but you can't be bothered just yet to do anything about it.

Katsuki rolls onto his side, careful not to squish your legs, and pulls you into him. Your rational brain starts to wake up with each passing minute.

Alarm bells start to go off in your head. You really need to get out of here before something bad happens. Rule number 3, the one you haven’t broken: no cuddling.

You go to move off the bed to gather your clothes, but Katsuki holds you to his chest.

“Please stay.” He whispers so gently it tugs at your heart.

“I can't,” you say, trying to turn away from him again.

He lets you get up and you stand to start dressing yourself.

“What can I do to get you to stay? Just till morning. We could go get breakfast, I want to—"

“Bakugou. I can't stay. I can't do” —you gesture between the two of you like you're quickly tracing the red string connecting you— “whatever this is to you.”

He is visibly taken aback when you call him by his family name and it takes him a second to blink away his shock.

“No you don't… that's not what this is. I need to tell you—”

You cut him off with a wave of your hand just as you finish getting dressed.

“I can't. I just can't.”

You can feel yourself receding into that dark place again, afraid of being hurt, afraid of heartache, and you curse yourself for even being in this situation again. But you're so weak to everything having to do with Bakugou Katsuki. Just your name on his lips makes your heart burn, but you shove that piece of yourself deep down.

You start to walk to the door to his apartment and Bakugou scrambles to follow you, throwing on his boxers as he struggles to catch up.

“At least let me get you an Uber or something!” he yells after you.

Your hand stops on the doorknob before you open it.

“I'm sorry,” you mumble into the air before turning the knob.

He jumps to reach you in time but the door slams right in his face.

Just like that, you leave him, just like he left you. The irony is not lost on him, but he wishes that just once his heart wouldn't break into a million pieces.

He crumples on the floor with his back resting against the door. His hands rake through his hair before he lets out an anguished and frustrated yell.

He doesn't blame you. He's not angry at you. He is miserable with himself.

He doesn't run after you like he wants, doesn't beg on his hands and knees for you like he should because he thinks you need your space. You need to not be crowded by him and to work through your feelings on your own. Or at least that’s what he and Kirishima talked about but fuck, every cell in his body yearns for you.

He makes his way back to his bed slowly, dragging his feet before flopping onto the mattress. He places his nose where your head was on his bed just minutes ago and takes a deep breath and the scent of you lulls him into a dreamless state.

At least he will see you in two weeks for your birthday party, he thinks before he passes out.

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