#fuckin roastin

[therealslimshakespeare]

SAGE!!! 😭😂😆

Hot Press did not have to go there but I'm so glad they did:

[therealslimshakespeare]

[underground-boss-clay]

Hey clay little question as someone not native to unova who are all these gingers and why do they tell me to release my pokemon, I’ve never battled this much before

- @eliovstheworld

............

Ah. Right, ya probably didn't know bout Team Plasma. Hang on, I'm gonna need a drink fer explainin' this...

There's goin' to be... A Lot, so gonna put a line.

Awright, so. Team Plasma's a group a' folks who were brought together by an absolute piece of shit that I hope is roastin' in whatever corner of the Distortion World Giratina sent him a feller named Ghetsis. Some years ago he tried to convince the region of two things:

Anyone who trained or own Pokemon was inherently a terrible person abusin' them

The "Prince" a' Team Plasma, an Arc-Spoken kid named N, was the descendant a' one of Unova's Legendary Princes an' was goin' to introduce this sorta new world order where Pokemon an' human lived 'n harmony.

Don't think I gotta explain how those are big red flags, even for those not from here. Knowin' someone that both is from here AN' connected to the Legendary Princes, apparently the fucker did his research.

Scary part is, aside from there bein' truth to some folks mistreatin' Pokemon--I mean, Team Rocket exists fer starters, an' then whatever the hell that Lusamine woman was up to--that kid N manages to awaken one of Unova's Dragons a' Legend, make it to the Pokemon League, beat the Champion, an' almost set that entire "new world order" Mukshit into action before he got beat. An' then! An' then! Turns out HE was just a puppet fer that Ghetsis fucker, who didn't even BELIEVE the "Pokemon Rights" shit he was spewin' an' instead was gonna use that whole ploy to take over the fuckin' region before it all fell apart there!!

OH! AN' THEN GHETSIS FUCKIN' TRIES AGAIN A FEW YEARS LATER WITH THOSE A' PLASMA THAT WERE ON BOARD WITH TAKIN' OVER THE REGION, TRIED TO CONTROL A THIRD LEGENDARY DRAGON, AN' GOT FUCKED OVER AGAIN.

An' even now you'll get some folks rantin' bout how he or his followers are on the loose. But look. After Opelucid got iced lots of us went to go help evacuate the city an' get people hospitalized when needed; we heard from some a' the survivors after everythin' settled that there was activity 'n the Giant Chasm so I had some folks check the routes round there an' went in there myself. I didn't find that legendary husk of a dragon, but I did find that absolute bastard's dragon chewin' away at hi-

Ah shit this one's empty. Hold on, need ta get another whiskey.

A lotta followers a' his an' N did take the "Pokemon rights" thing to heart though, an' they're decent folks. They're bein' watched a' course, due to bein' in a cult, but they're tryin' to do good by helpin' Pokemon that actually are bein' mistreated an' gettin' them better care. Granted they're workin' with less folks now, but-

Clay how much have you been drinking?

... Y'know what good question.

[daylightcxmpers]

Have you can Colm ever shared Aiden?

"Fuckin' spit roastin' that boy is a dream o' mine. Colm can have is ass, I'll take his mouth. Fuck em' from both ends."

@daylightdelights @daylightdudes

[strykingback]

That's a long winded way of saying, "I don't like this show yet I stick around in this toxic relationship I have with it to win or something."

Seriously, everything you said isn't worth it. It sounds like you want to make your own fantasy story not unlike RWBY yet can't get over the latter like a bitter ex-partner.

Are you okay? Legit asking as a concerned citizen.

First things first, I am okay I mean how about you. I'm certain everyone who has been roastin' yo ass since yesterday. Cause daaaaaamn man. I can smell a whole barbecue over there!

But anyway.... to start things off.

Something really tells me you didn't read through the whole fucking reblog and only sent this in. Do I need to repeat it so you can firmly grasp it? Cause certainly you need to grasp it!!

Also since you didnt read through the literal paragraphs about my canon divergence Atlas and Mistral regions and even about Robyn Hill and Ironwoods canon divergence. Oh wait a minute, I think you may not know the definition of canon-divergence. Hold up let me get it for you, okay? Canon Divergence:  a fandom term, used when fanfiction is set in a universe that diverges from the original canon due to changing a character's backstory or the plot overall.

(Note- This can also apply to Roleplaying blogs as myself)

Yeah, its that easy to make a story for Ironwood and Robyn Hill and still make it good for both of them for everyone to enjoy. Not like a pasty ol' Karen and a plot-twist villain in the main canon.

But enough of that but just the fact that you say it isnt worth it towards a VERY strong answer. Kind of tells me that its like: "Oh its not good to match canon." I dont know what kind of world you live in amigo, but it aint one I wanna be on. Also another thing to say is.

People on the RWDE tag can still like certain aspects of RWBY and can still be critical about it at the SAME time. It doesnt hurt to do that and trust me it does not hurt me as I can seriously take the wild bullshit the main canon does and can cook it back out as something incredibly Canon-Divergent and people will like it.

Also what is this weakness man, this weak ask you sent me amigo. Cause I was expecting so so MUCH BETTER. It's no wonder why yo ass is getting cooked in the RWDE tag. man...Like who let you cook?!

Cause I think I turned yo ass into a five star at a five star restaurant with a side of steak that is....

W e l l

T h e

F u ck

D O N E

Now enough of that, now then back to roleplaying for me and also go back to Lilith and cry her a goddamn river why dont ya. Ya fuckin simp!

[meowm1x]

it's still fuckin roastin over here, so i've taken to just wearing my bra and undies, and i bought myself a pair of flip flops for indoor use only, because wearing socks is too much rn, so i'm just running around the house doin chores looking like a total ~Beach Babe~ rn!

[mjm5655]

❝ it's fuckin' roastin' n' humid as fuck here in tokyo, it's 'bout time y'all just strip, n' put on factor fifty sunblock. ❞

[therealslimshakespeare]

Because I thought the visual aid would be helpful with the Croz fic I’m publishing tomorrow. 😏

Also, so y’all can see the sacrifice I make daily as Mrs Boyle by taking that Guinness can into my bosom. It’s rough out here, send heating pads

i’m about to eat dry wall i’m so fucking deadass right now wtf

why would you point this out @precious-little-scoundrel 😭😭😭😭

[raedear]

.

[thisainttheway]

ok google i just really need new WW84 footage so these chuckleheads that i call my friends will stop roasting me for saying i want max lord to rail me

[therealslimshakespeare]

📸: Brandon Flynn insta

[therealslimshakespeare]

Happily helping shoulder the delightful weight of Anthony Boyle’s deliciousness 🫡 what precious companions I’ve got in it

Thank you for carrying the weight of anthony boyle content on this app 😭 i’m obsessed

omg thank you so much Nonnie! Gotta spread the love for our Anto 🥹

but I’m not doing it alone! my besties @winniemaywebber and @precious-little-scoundrel are also proud members of the Anthony Boyle Support Squad <3

[chainsawworld]

Days almost over days almost over + staying at my aunties so I can hang out with my friends later and get pictures of her dog

[mybrothershands]

MBH/Dumpling Crossover 4/4

By myself and @diddlesanddoodles , edited by @thundering-susurrus

Saen was making quick work of his remaining peeled pumpkin, and Yale was pleased to have the whole pan filled and sizzling. The earthenware dish was stacked high enough, he felt, to warrant bringing it down to Kol and Quinn so they could get the first couple of the pies baking. Bart and Avery would have gotten the first few of the rocs onto the spits, and he was sure a few more would be chucked into one of the other ovens. If they timed it just right, just as one pie was finished baking, the next would be ready to put in, the goal being that all of the pies would be baked just as the last of the rocs finished off.

But the timing would be tight.

Ka did not seem to notice the change in pace, as he was focusing on the little stone he had brought up to his face to inspect. It looked much like a grain of rice between his fingers, but he lauded the girl's find nonetheless. "Kind of marbled and sparkly, isn't it?" he said, offering it back to Nenani.

Anything she might have said was drowned out by Cairo. From his vantage point on the table, he could very nearly bark directly into Ka's ear when he was bent down. So he did. "Ka!"

The giant flinched and looked up. "What is it now?"

Cairo simply pointed at the two pies Yale had brought over earlier. "Eat," he ordered.

"I have to get this done--"

"Don't argue with me! It could be hours before you get done," he said, still pointing.

Ka sighed and, making sure Nenani had taken the stone, reached for his satchel and rummaged around. Upon finding a spoon, he set the pack aside and reached to take one of the meat pies. "Demanding," he grumbled.

Yale turned to Saen, holding out the dish filled with cooked pumpkin. “Go run this to Quinn will ye?”

Wiping his hands on his apron, Saen rounded the table and claimed the dish from Yale before turning to hurry towards the archway.

“You’ve already got half of them done,” Nenani said, looking at the largely reduced pile of gourds. “How many pies do you need to make?”

“I think Quinn’s aimin’ fer about six,” Yale replied. “They’re pretty large ones, so they’ll be enough fer the top table, but the main attraction is sure to be the roasts.”

Just as Saen made it to the bottom of the stairs and into the kitchen proper, a loud voice bellowed from within. “IS THAT ALL YE THREE HAVE MANAGED?”

Yale froze, sighed, and mentally prepared himself for a tongue lashing. Even before Farris reached the top of the steps, he was continuing on with his tirade. “YE TELLIN’ ME THIS LOT CAN GET ALL THESE DAMN BIRDS DISPATCHED, PLUCKED, AND ROASTIN’ IN THE SAME TIME IT TAKES THREE OF YE TO PEEL AND FRY A SINGLE PLATE OF FUCKIN’ PUMPKIN?”

When he reached the landing, he stood with his arms akimbo and glowered fiercely at Yale and Ka. His face was already turning red, a single vein in his forehead throbbing with ire.

Ka nearly choked on his spoon, he jumped so hard. He pushed the pie back onto the table, a single scoop taken from it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” he mumbled to himself as he tried to cut the pumpkin with the handle of the knife. The giant quickly spun the knife around. Within seconds he had gutted and broken down the pumpkin in his lap, and was reaching for another when another voice started barking commands.

"What did I just say? You need to eat something," Cairo said. In response, Ka shook his head, but did not speak. "Boy, you're twice his size. Stand up for yourself."

Still, the giant did not speak and kept his focus on peeling the next pumpkin.

Farris marched with purposeful strides towards them, his gaze set upon Ka. But at the last moments, as he reached them, he turned to Yale. “What in the seven hells are ye all doin’ out here that it takes ye thing long to get me some damn fried gourds, boy?”

“Sorry boss,” Yale replied mechanically. “We’re nearly done.”

“What’s the holdup then? Did ye forget we’re in a bit of a crisis here? Or ye feel like explainin’ to Master Donal why luncheon is late?” Farris demanded and shifted his ire towards Ka. He made note of the human man on the table, looking as irritable as Farris felt. He paid him no mind and focused instead on the giant peeling a pumpkin. And at a surprising speed, too. Farris would have been tempted to be impressed if the situation was different. Then he noted the still-uneaten pies and glowered at Ka.

“Well no wonder yer slower than the fuckin’ solstice,” Farris barked. “Ye still haven’t finished off them pies? The Dumplin’ eats faster than you. Scarf ‘em down and get to it!”

Sat down, Ka was no taller than Farris, and he felt the full heat of his angry rant. He slouched and physically shrank back from the shouts. Try as he might, he could not gather his wits against this man, especially when he was right in his face. "I'm trying, sir," Ka said. It was a moment before the words really sank in, and he understood. "O-oh," he said a bit stupidly.

"Told you," Cairo jeered. His hackles were still pricked, however, and he never took his gaze off of Farris. He stood tense, as if he thought he could do something.

Ka used this as a cue to peel his attention from the angry giant. He returned his hands to the table and took up the pie. Setting the edge of the dish against his mouth, he scooped a quarter of its contents into one cheek. He repeated this action until he looked a bit like a squirrel, then bobbed his head in thanks. "It's good!" Ka said, or at least tried to.

Farris huffed and regarded Ka with an unimpressed frown. “Good, he says. Boy, this is the king’s kitchen. Of course it’s good. We don’t serve the pig shit doled out at common taverns.”

His eyes turned to Cairo, and he noted the tensed muscles and the near battle stance the human man took. Farris matched the man’s glare. “Ye have somethin’ to say to me?”

The human stood there a moment, as if reconsidering, but did not give up his ground. He glanced at Ka, who was still choking down the other half of the first pie, and then back to the smaller giant. He at last smoothed his brow and calmed his stance exactly two notches. "No," he decided. "As long as you keep your paws off him."

Farris snorted a short humorless laugh. “So long as he does the work I’m payin’ for, I ain’t have any reason to lay a finger on him.”

Yale suppressed a look that might have made it seemed as though he would like to contradict his boss’s assertion. But with his self-preservation instinct well-honed after years of working under Farris, Yale turned his back and concentrated his frying pan.

“But I will say this,” Farris continued, the muscles in his shoulders pulling tightly. He leaned down closer to Cairo, pressing further into the human’s space and narrowing his eyes minutely. “First rule of my kitchens, little man: my word is law. So if I say ye need a smack to the head, yer gonna get a smack to the head. Don’t care whose brother ye are or ain’t.”

Ka glanced from the fuming giant to Cairo and back again, his worry mounting. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "H-he's not really going to--I mean, he won't hurt him...will he?" he said to whoever could hear.

"Oh, is that so?" Cairo jeered, "think yourself a tough boy? Well do ye?" He could feel the giant's breath on his face now, yet glared up undeterred. He glanced down to where Nenani was milling around. He did not see her rock, but was fairly certain she still had it on her.

"Y'know what I think?" Cairo said. "I think you're a soft little bastard, that's what!"

And with that, Farris spun on his heels and marched back across the yard and down into the kitchen. Yale was left a little speechless and turned to look back between Cairo and Ka and then to Nenani. She was the only one of the three to share Yale’s shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but paused when he saw Farris emerge again from the kitchen with a familiar cocotte tucked under one arm. Yale dutifully turned his back to his boss and concentrated on the frying pumpkin. He tried very hard not to snicker.

Farris did not acknowledge anyone as he calmly sat the cocotte down onto the table and pulled off the lid. Down near his feet, Nenani was looking between Farris and Yale and when the younger cook caught her eye, he winked at her. But she only looked more confused.

And then it happened.

With a swiftness and speed few people would have assumed Farris capable of, he reached out and grabbed Cairo, pinning the man’s arms to his sides, and swiftly plopping him down into the open pot. The lid was clapped on with a bang and Farris leaned his arm on top, turning to level a calm stare at Ka.

“This mouthy brother ‘a yer’s just earned himself ten minutes,” he said. He turned to Yale. “Hand me that rock there. Not the hot one. Don’t wanna cook 'im.”

Yale bent down to retrieve one of rocks that had been used to create a barrier for the fire pit, choosing the one farthest from the flames. It was barely warm. He handed it to Farris, shooting a slightly apologetic glance at Ka. Farris placed it on the lid and turned back to Ka.

“Ten minutes.”

Ka sat there for a short while, shoulders tense and eyes glued on the pot. Only after Farris backed away did he begin to relax. He seemed to find some kind of solace in Nenani's presence as well, and how comparatively calm she looked.

Still, his brother was in a pot.

Slowly, he reached across the table, his long arm easily closing the distance, and pulled it towards himself. Inside, Cairo was pounding against the side like a swarm of angry bees, to the point that even Ka did not want to open the lid. With the crock safely within his embrace, he went back to his pie. "Ka!" came a muffled voice. "Can you even hear me, you dumb oaf?"

"I can hear you," he mumbled.

"Well get me out of here! What are you waiting for, you useless giant?"

"Don't call me that," he muttered. "And Mister Farris said not to." He stole a glance at the man in question before turning to Yale--a seemingly safer option. "Does he usually do this?"

There was a part of Yale that felt very badly for Ka. For someone so tall, he very much looked like a kicked puppy. Farris eyed him for a moment, a silent command, and though he tried to keep his composure, the mask slipped and Yale snorted an undignified laugh.

“He’s been known to do it from time to time,” he chuckled. “Bit of a last resort sort ‘a thing.”

Yale wasn’t the only one to pick up on Ka’s morose expression and posture. Nenani walked over to his leg and patted it reassuringly. “Don’t worry. It’s like time out.”

Yale laughed properly. “Mostly it’s the brat in there though.”

Farris snorted.

“Nah. Had to use the bigger one. That one there wouldn’t have fit in the one I use with Jae,” he said. Seeming satisfied enough that Ka would not spring his brother from the cocotte before his time was served, Farris gestured to the rest of the pumpkins. “I expect the rest done up quick and brought down. I won’t have luncheon be late and I certainly ain’t sendin’ up sub-par pies to the top tables. I’d have Donal so far up my ass over it, I’d be able to smell his damn cologne.”

Ka seemed a bit distracted by Yale's laugh, but Farris's voice was loud enough to break the spell. "O-Oh. Yessir. We'll get it done. Not to fear." Switching his pie to the other hand, Ka reached down towards Nenani. His hand was still hesitant, but not nearly as much as when he had first tried. "Thank you, little one," he whispered, scratching her upper back with two fingers.

In the next half hour, they had all the pumpkins peeled and fried with spices mixed in. Pie crusts were brought from the ovens inside, filled with the hot mixture, then spirited away. Once Cairo was allowed free, he seemed a bit somber and even bitter. Maybe time-out did not work as well on adults. Ka tucked him into the hood of his overcoat, leaving his hands free to set to work.

When the pies were all squared away, he got back to his feet rather slowly, as if afraid he might bump his head, but there was nothing above him but grey skies. He more or less followed Yale around like an oversized duckling until he found something else to do. That "something else" happened to be helping someone hang decorations. One of the little giants was on a ladder trying to hang an autumn wreath, but the ladder was not cooperating. When Ka came up behind him to hold it steady, he met the man nearly eye-to-eye. He had not meant to scare him so badly, honest he hadn't, but he soon found himself left alone with the decorations.

"How...do I do this?" he mumbled to himself. It had been a while since he had last seen Yale, and from what he could tell, he had better things to do than babysit a tenderfoot.

"It doesn't matter," came a coarse voice behind him. Cairo was nearly asleep in his makeshift hammock. "Just hang em any old place. Your guess is as good as theirs."

"But I want to make it look nice," Ka said, unraveling a leafy garland. "They probably have a place where they normally put everything."

"Put a wreath on your head, it should fit," said the human as he picked his teeth.

"No, Cairo."

Farris emerged from the kitchens tired, but satisfied. The food had gone up on time and without issue and so he would have one more day without another one of Donal’s reprimands. Not that Farris put much weight in them. He was simply sick of hearing them.

In his hand, he carried a small but weighted purse and strode across the courtyard towards Ka. But he paused when he saw the boy hanging a garland, a task given specifically to Gjerk. He turned on his heels to holler down into the kitchens.

“Gjerk, ye twig-armed ninny!” he bellowed. “What kind of lame legged lizard are ye to be pawnin’ off yer duties, eh?”

The bushel of bright orange hair peeked warily out from the stairwell. “Nothing sir! It’s just…well, he’s so much taller and…”

“And too polite tell ye to fuck off,” he barked. “Go see Bart and tell him ye just volunteered to scrub the privies.”

The younger giant’s face fell, and he looked as though he wished to protest, but the seething glare from Farris burnt up any objections and the tenderfoot sullenly turned away.

Farris huffed and turned back to where Ka was finishing up the decorations.

“Ye did good work today, lad. Much appreciated,” he said and held out the purse. “This is fer you.”

The giant paused in his work, hurriedly hooked the garland over the corner of the roof, and pulled his arms close to his body. "I'm sorry?" He avoided the man's eyes, glancing instead to where he had seen the boy called "Yerk" disappear. His brow worried as he clenched his jaw. He felt so bad for causing the boy such trouble. "This?" he asked when the pouch was impatiently placed in his right palm. It sounded like coin. "You...want me to take this somewhere? To get more groceries or something?" He felt Cairo shifting in the hood on his back and silently hoped he would keep his mouth shut, but it was not to be.

"What is it." he demanded.

"Coin," Ka murmured.

"I wasn't asking you," he said, tugging on a lock of his brother's hair.

At the human’s tone, Farris snorted. The urge to reintroduce the human back into the cocotte was strong. However, the trade of effort and reward was too far skewed from his favor, and so he allowed it to pass without further comment, except to answer Cairo’s initial question.

“Yer pay,” he said to the human before turning his eyes upwards to Ka. “Honest pay fer an honest day’s work. And my thanks.”

He had been perhaps a little more generous than he would have been normally, but if there was one thing his mother had instilled within him more than anything, it was to make sure no one under his roof ever went hungry. Ka had done the job of two men, and clearly he had not been getting enough to eat to sustain his considerable height. For all his mass, the boy was not much more than an overgrown sapling. A decent wind could blow him over.

The boy needed more than just food for the moment. He needed the coin to get more down the road.Farris only hoped that whichever road Ka was going down, they accepted Vhasshalan minted coins.

Shaking his head, the giant opened the purse and prodded the coins. They were strange to him, and small, but he didn't need a scale to tell this was a decent amount of money. He frowned at it, confused. Was there something he'd misunderstood? "But...you fed me." He met the man's eyes and instantly wished he had not--they were the kind that could cut. He returned his gaze to the sack in his palm. "It was good food, too. You don't have to do this," he offered the sack back.

Something thumped him in the back of his neck. "Just accept it, you stupid dog," Cairo growled fiercely. "I'll not have you go hungry over your own--mrrph!" he sputtered as an enormous hand clamped over his head and chest. It only took about three seconds before he bit down on his brother's finger, which was answered with a yelp."--your own sheepishness," he finished.

Farris eyed the pouch sitting in Ka’s open palm, appearing laughably small, and growled. His favor was a hard-won thing, and perhaps he had grown a little too used to folks understanding just what it meant for him to bestow it upon them. Ka was a stranger, though, and did not have a full grasp of the minutiae of the Vhasshalan kitchens or the way in which Farris ran them. If he ever put any real meat on his bones, the lad would be a right mountain. He had an honest spirit about him but was as meek and timid as a beaten pup.

“Yer gonna stash that purse in yer damn pocket, boy,” he told the much taller giant with a forceful jab of his finger. “And yer gonna heed that one’s words. Or so help me I’ll kick yer sorry arse from here to Garrish Hills.”

Ka felt a light tap on the back of his neck "Toldja so," Cairo barked almost immediately.

"Oh..." he backed away from the upheld finger and tucked the coin purse against his body. This man came only up to his waist, and yet his strength of person made him take a step back.

Farris's words were softer this time, though. He was used to judging Cairo's levels of harshness, and somehow this tone worked at the corners of his mouth. Someone was being kind to him, he realized after a time, and it made him feel warm inside. "Thank you sir," he smiled and, without thinking, got down on his knees in the grass and wrapped his arms around the little man. "Thank you."

As Ka’s long arms encased him tightly--Gods the boy was stronger than he looked--hot indignation roiled up from Farris’s chest, and his first instinct was to fling his arms out and push him away. But as he heard Ka’s words of thanks, he paused. Begrudgingly. And then he heard a telltale sound of his cooks snickering from the doorway.

“Alright,” Farris mumbled, wiggling experimentally to prompt the other to release him. But when it was obvious that Ka had either not heard him or chose to ignore him, he pushed against the taller giant’s chest and stepped back, effectively yanking himself from Ka’s grip. “Alright I said!”

Ka backed away hurriedly, nearly falling on his haunches. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the fact that Cairo was still resting in his hood, and if he fell all the way back...

"S-sorry, sir. Thank you." Ka said as he steadied himself. The man scared him more than he'd like to admit. Yet in the back of his mind, Farris reminded him a lot of Cairo, and Cairo would not want him to be skittish of him. Ka frowned. For once in his life, he was glad his brother was no bigger than he was.

"Get up and dust your pants off," the human grumbled, pulling a ringlet of Ka's hair. "We've gotta get a move on. Come on, he's not gonna bite you." To this, the giant shook his head to free his hair but did as he was told.

Ka did his best to meet Farris's eye but could only manage such for a single second. "Thank you again, sir," he said as he backed away a few paces, then seemed to falter in place. "Wait, I almost forgot." He reached in his pocket and extracted a single coin the size of a human’s head, with a diamond hole cut in the center. "I wanted to give this to the girl, but...I forgot. It isn't worth much, but she likes collecting stones so I thought..." he shook his head and placed it in the man's hand as he had done for him. "Sorry, I've got to go, erm. Tell her goodbye for me if I don't see her on my way out...uhm thank you," he said for the fifth time, finally waving before turning heel.

"Real smooth, bud," Cairo sniped. Ka shrugged and grumbled as he made his way to the gatehouse. They were good people and, he realized, he may miss them. Maybe they would have him back someday, if he could find his way. The giant looked down to his chest-pocket and the coin purse that rested there and resolved to save at least one as a keepsake.

[pinklocksoflove]

“Come, mortal, let me show you all  that you desire~ The weight of the world is so heavy on your shoulders. Take a load off and enjoy a fun night~”

"Listen here ya spike-cocked, tar-eyed, plank-shaped, sewer-assed rodent analogues! I'm gonna shear that thin film of slime you call a skin from yer spindly husk and make a FUCKING RAINCOAT out of it! I'm gonna slam my fists down yer throat, rip yer inky innards out and stitch a leathery sack out of em! I’m gonna saw yer wee legs off and turn yer hollow legbones into FUCKING FLUTES! Then I’ll craft a makeshift bag pipe out of the rancid materials I have harvested from yer twitching, filthy carcass so I can come around and play a nice tune at yer funeral ceremony! Before I PISS ON YER FUCKING GRANDMA!!!!"

“Y-you..... you what?! How dare you! How dare you speak to me or my grandmother in such a way! No mortal can resist a succubus of my caliber’s charms!”

“The nine hells must be cold if yer this touchy about a wee roastin’ Ye must be some pit lord’s trophy bitch if ye cannae take what a mortal can dish out!”

“I’LL HAVE YOUR SOUL FOR THAT!!!”

“Fuckin’ try me, I’ve dealt with worse”

[uceyjvcey-dynamite]

ay, i can still heart eye you while my ass roastin' you. 😘 cats is def cute, i always been 'round dogs more, but they a lotta fuckin' work. but i ain't mind changin' the box, you jus' gotta show me where you keep the stuff. she got that lil' meow too, like she jus' a baby and can't help bein' so tiny, it's so fuckin' cute. babe, i swear to god, i'm gon' slip up an' sayin' sum'n 'bout, 'oh my cat blah blah', you gotta make sure i ain't do that. mmmm no i totally get it, it a comfort thing wit'chu too. jus' getting to be close an' breathe you in.

@uceyjvcey

how much do you love me to come help me catch a kitten?