#fuckin roastin

[therealslimshakespeare]

SOS guys, this is a feckin SOS

[therealslimshakespeare]

SAGE!!! 😭😂😆

Hot Press did not have to go there but I'm so glad they did:

[strykingback]

That's a long winded way of saying, "I don't like this show yet I stick around in this toxic relationship I have with it to win or something."

Seriously, everything you said isn't worth it. It sounds like you want to make your own fantasy story not unlike RWBY yet can't get over the latter like a bitter ex-partner.

Are you okay? Legit asking as a concerned citizen.

First things first, I am okay I mean how about you. I'm certain everyone who has been roastin' yo ass since yesterday. Cause daaaaaamn man. I can smell a whole barbecue over there!

But anyway.... to start things off.

Something really tells me you didn't read through the whole fucking reblog and only sent this in. Do I need to repeat it so you can firmly grasp it? Cause certainly you need to grasp it!!

Also since you didnt read through the literal paragraphs about my canon divergence Atlas and Mistral regions and even about Robyn Hill and Ironwoods canon divergence. Oh wait a minute, I think you may not know the definition of canon-divergence. Hold up let me get it for you, okay? Canon Divergence:  a fandom term, used when fanfiction is set in a universe that diverges from the original canon due to changing a character's backstory or the plot overall.

(Note- This can also apply to Roleplaying blogs as myself)

Yeah, its that easy to make a story for Ironwood and Robyn Hill and still make it good for both of them for everyone to enjoy. Not like a pasty ol' Karen and a plot-twist villain in the main canon.

But enough of that but just the fact that you say it isnt worth it towards a VERY strong answer. Kind of tells me that its like: "Oh its not good to match canon." I dont know what kind of world you live in amigo, but it aint one I wanna be on. Also another thing to say is.

People on the RWDE tag can still like certain aspects of RWBY and can still be critical about it at the SAME time. It doesnt hurt to do that and trust me it does not hurt me as I can seriously take the wild bullshit the main canon does and can cook it back out as something incredibly Canon-Divergent and people will like it.

Also what is this weakness man, this weak ask you sent me amigo. Cause I was expecting so so MUCH BETTER. It's no wonder why yo ass is getting cooked in the RWDE tag. man...Like who let you cook?!

Cause I think I turned yo ass into a five star at a five star restaurant with a side of steak that is....

W e l l

T h e

F u ck

D O N E

Now enough of that, now then back to roleplaying for me and also go back to Lilith and cry her a goddamn river why dont ya. Ya fuckin simp!

[meowm1x]

it's still fuckin roastin over here, so i've taken to just wearing my bra and undies, and i bought myself a pair of flip flops for indoor use only, because wearing socks is too much rn, so i'm just running around the house doin chores looking like a total ~Beach Babe~ rn!

[mjm5655]

❝ it's fuckin' roastin' n' humid as fuck here in tokyo, it's 'bout time y'all just strip, n' put on factor fifty sunblock. ❞

[therealslimshakespeare]

[thisainttheway]

ok google i just really need new WW84 footage so these chuckleheads that i call my friends will stop roasting me for saying i want max lord to rail me

[mybrothershands]

MBH/Dumpling Crossover 4/4

By myself and @diddlesanddoodles , edited by @thundering-susurrus

Saen was making quick work of his remaining peeled pumpkin, and Yale was pleased to have the whole pan filled and sizzling. The earthenware dish was stacked high enough, he felt, to warrant bringing it down to Kol and Quinn so they could get the first couple of the pies baking. Bart and Avery would have gotten the first few of the rocs onto the spits, and he was sure a few more would be chucked into one of the other ovens. If they timed it just right, just as one pie was finished baking, the next would be ready to put in, the goal being that all of the pies would be baked just as the last of the rocs finished off.

But the timing would be tight.

Ka did not seem to notice the change in pace, as he was focusing on the little stone he had brought up to his face to inspect. It looked much like a grain of rice between his fingers, but he lauded the girl's find nonetheless. "Kind of marbled and sparkly, isn't it?" he said, offering it back to Nenani.

Anything she might have said was drowned out by Cairo. From his vantage point on the table, he could very nearly bark directly into Ka's ear when he was bent down. So he did. "Ka!"

The giant flinched and looked up. "What is it now?"

Cairo simply pointed at the two pies Yale had brought over earlier. "Eat," he ordered.

"I have to get this done--"

"Don't argue with me! It could be hours before you get done," he said, still pointing.

Ka sighed and, making sure Nenani had taken the stone, reached for his satchel and rummaged around. Upon finding a spoon, he set the pack aside and reached to take one of the meat pies. "Demanding," he grumbled.

Yale turned to Saen, holding out the dish filled with cooked pumpkin. ���Go run this to Quinn will ye?”

Wiping his hands on his apron, Saen rounded the table and claimed the dish from Yale before turning to hurry towards the archway.

“You’ve already got half of them done,” Nenani said, looking at the largely reduced pile of gourds. “How many pies do you need to make?”

“I think Quinn’s aimin’ fer about six,” Yale replied. “They’re pretty large ones, so they’ll be enough fer the top table, but the main attraction is sure to be the roasts.”

Just as Saen made it to the bottom of the stairs and into the kitchen proper, a loud voice bellowed from within. “IS THAT ALL YE THREE HAVE MANAGED?”

Yale froze, sighed, and mentally prepared himself for a tongue lashing. Even before Farris reached the top of the steps, he was continuing on with his tirade. “YE TELLIN’ ME THIS LOT CAN GET ALL THESE DAMN BIRDS DISPATCHED, PLUCKED, AND ROASTIN’ IN THE SAME TIME IT TAKES THREE OF YE TO PEEL AND FRY A SINGLE PLATE OF FUCKIN’ PUMPKIN?”

When he reached the landing, he stood with his arms akimbo and glowered fiercely at Yale and Ka. His face was already turning red, a single vein in his forehead throbbing with ire.

Ka nearly choked on his spoon, he jumped so hard. He pushed the pie back onto the table, a single scoop taken from it. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” he mumbled to himself as he tried to cut the pumpkin with the handle of the knife. The giant quickly spun the knife around. Within seconds he had gutted and broken down the pumpkin in his lap, and was reaching for another when another voice started barking commands.

"What did I just say? You need to eat something," Cairo said. In response, Ka shook his head, but did not speak. "Boy, you're twice his size. Stand up for yourself."

Still, the giant did not speak and kept his focus on peeling the next pumpkin.

Farris marched with purposeful strides towards them, his gaze set upon Ka. But at the last moments, as he reached them, he turned to Yale. “What in the seven hells are ye all doin’ out here that it takes ye thing long to get me some damn fried gourds, boy?”

“Sorry boss,” Yale replied mechanically. “We’re nearly done.”

“What’s the holdup then? Did ye forget we’re in a bit of a crisis here? Or ye feel like explainin’ to Master Donal why luncheon is late?” Farris demanded and shifted his ire towards Ka. He made note of the human man on the table, looking as irritable as Farris felt. He paid him no mind and focused instead on the giant peeling a pumpkin. And at a surprising speed, too. Farris would have been tempted to be impressed if the situation was different. Then he noted the still-uneaten pies and glowered at Ka.

“Well no wonder yer slower than the fuckin’ solstice,” Farris barked. “Ye still haven’t finished off them pies? The Dumplin’ eats faster than you. Scarf ‘em down and get to it!”

Sat down, Ka was no taller than Farris, and he felt the full heat of his angry rant. He slouched and physically shrank back from the shouts. Try as he might, he could not gather his wits against this man, especially when he was right in his face. "I'm trying, sir," Ka said. It was a moment before the words really sank in, and he understood. "O-oh," he said a bit stupidly.

"Told you," Cairo jeered. His hackles were still pricked, however, and he never took his gaze off of Farris. He stood tense, as if he thought he could do something.

Ka used this as a cue to peel his attention from the angry giant. He returned his hands to the table and took up the pie. Setting the edge of the dish against his mouth, he scooped a quarter of its contents into one cheek. He repeated this action until he looked a bit like a squirrel, then bobbed his head in thanks. "It's good!" Ka said, or at least tried to.

Farris huffed and regarded Ka with an unimpressed frown. “Good, he says. Boy, this is the king’s kitchen. Of course it’s good. We don’t serve the pig shit doled out at common taverns.”

His eyes turned to Cairo, and he noted the tensed muscles and the near battle stance the human man took. Farris matched the man’s glare. “Ye have somethin’ to say to me?”

The human stood there a moment, as if reconsidering, but did not give up his ground. He glanced at Ka, who was still choking down the other half of the first pie, and then back to the smaller giant. He at last smoothed his brow and calmed his stance exactly two notches. "No," he decided. "As long as you keep your paws off him."

Farris snorted a short humorless laugh. “So long as he does the work I’m payin’ for, I ain’t have any reason to lay a finger on him.”

Yale suppressed a look that might have made it seemed as though he would like to contradict his boss’s assertion. But with his self-preservation instinct well-honed after years of working under Farris, Yale turned his back and concentrated his frying pan.

“But I will say this,” Farris continued, the muscles in his shoulders pulling tightly. He leaned down closer to Cairo, pressing further into the human’s space and narrowing his eyes minutely. “First rule of my kitchens, little man: my word is law. So if I say ye need a smack to the head, yer gonna get a smack to the head. Don’t care whose brother ye are or ain’t.”

Ka glanced from the fuming giant to Cairo and back again, his worry mounting. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "H-he's not really going to--I mean, he won't hurt him...will he?" he said to whoever could hear.

"Oh, is that so?" Cairo jeered, "think yourself a tough boy? Well do ye?" He could feel the giant's breath on his face now, yet glared up undeterred. He glanced down to where Nenani was milling around. He did not see her rock, but was fairly certain she still had it on her.

"Y'know what I think?" Cairo said. "I think you're a soft little bastard, that's what!"

And with that, Farris spun on his heels and marched back across the yard and down into the kitchen. Yale was left a little speechless and turned to look back between Cairo and Ka and then to Nenani. She was the only one of the three to share Yale’s shock. He opened his mouth to say something, but paused when he saw Farris emerge again from the kitchen with a familiar cocotte tucked under one arm. Yale dutifully turned his back to his boss and concentrated on the frying pumpkin. He tried very hard not to snicker.

Farris did not acknowledge anyone as he calmly sat the cocotte down onto the table and pulled off the lid. Down near his feet, Nenani was looking between Farris and Yale and when the younger cook caught her eye, he winked at her. But she only looked more confused.

And then it happened.

With a swiftness and speed few people would have assumed Farris capable of, he reached out and grabbed Cairo, pinning the man’s arms to his sides, and swiftly plopping him down into the open pot. The lid was clapped on with a bang and Farris leaned his arm on top, turning to level a calm stare at Ka.

“This mouthy brother ‘a yer’s just earned himself ten minutes,” he said. He turned to Yale. “Hand me that rock there. Not the hot one. Don’t wanna cook 'im.”

Yale bent down to retrieve one of rocks that had been used to create a barrier for the fire pit, choosing the one farthest from the flames. It was barely warm. He handed it to Farris, shooting a slightly apologetic glance at Ka. Farris placed it on the lid and turned back to Ka.

“Ten minutes.”

Ka sat there for a short while, shoulders tense and eyes glued on the pot. Only after Farris backed away did he begin to relax. He seemed to find some kind of solace in Nenani's presence as well, and how comparatively calm she looked.

Still, his brother was in a pot.

Slowly, he reached across the table, his long arm easily closing the distance, and pulled it towards himself. Inside, Cairo was pounding against the side like a swarm of angry bees, to the point that even Ka did not want to open the lid. With the crock safely within his embrace, he went back to his pie. "Ka!" came a muffled voice. "Can you even hear me, you dumb oaf?"

"I can hear you," he mumbled.

"Well get me out of here! What are you waiting for, you useless giant?"

"Don't call me that," he muttered. "And Mister Farris said not to." He stole a glance at the man in question before turning to Yale--a seemingly safer option. "Does he usually do this?"

There was a part of Yale that felt very badly for Ka. For someone so tall, he very much looked like a kicked puppy. Farris eyed him for a moment, a silent command, and though he tried to keep his composure, the mask slipped and Yale snorted an undignified laugh.

“He’s been known to do it from time to time,” he chuckled. “Bit of a last resort sort ‘a thing.”

Yale wasn’t the only one to pick up on Ka’s morose expression and posture. Nenani walked over to his leg and patted it reassuringly. “Don’t worry. It’s like time out.”

Yale laughed properly. “Mostly it’s the brat in there though.”

Farris snorted.

“Nah. Had to use the bigger one. That one there wouldn’t have fit in the one I use with Jae,” he said. Seeming satisfied enough that Ka would not spring his brother from the cocotte before his time was served, Farris gestured to the rest of the pumpkins. “I expect the rest done up quick and brought down. I won’t have luncheon be late and I certainly ain’t sendin’ up sub-par pies to the top tables. I’d have Donal so far up my ass over it, I’d be able to smell his damn cologne.”

Ka seemed a bit distracted by Yale's laugh, but Farris's voice was loud enough to break the spell. "O-Oh. Yessir. We'll get it done. Not to fear." Switching his pie to the other hand, Ka reached down towards Nenani. His hand was still hesitant, but not nearly as much as when he had first tried. "Thank you, little one," he whispered, scratching her upper back with two fingers.

In the next half hour, they had all the pumpkins peeled and fried with spices mixed in. Pie crusts were brought from the ovens inside, filled with the hot mixture, then spirited away. Once Cairo was allowed free, he seemed a bit somber and even bitter. Maybe time-out did not work as well on adults. Ka tucked him into the hood of his overcoat, leaving his hands free to set to work.

When the pies were all squared away, he got back to his feet rather slowly, as if afraid he might bump his head, but there was nothing above him but grey skies. He more or less followed Yale around like an oversized duckling until he found something else to do. That "something else" happened to be helping someone hang decorations. One of the little giants was on a ladder trying to hang an autumn wreath, but the ladder was not cooperating. When Ka came up behind him to hold it steady, he met the man nearly eye-to-eye. He had not meant to scare him so badly, honest he hadn't, but he soon found himself left alone with the decorations.

"How...do I do this?" he mumbled to himself. It had been a while since he had last seen Yale, and from what he could tell, he had better things to do than babysit a tenderfoot.

"It doesn't matter," came a coarse voice behind him. Cairo was nearly asleep in his makeshift hammock. "Just hang em any old place. Your guess is as good as theirs."

"But I want to make it look nice," Ka said, unraveling a leafy garland. "They probably have a place where they normally put everything."

"Put a wreath on your head, it should fit," said the human as he picked his teeth.

"No, Cairo."

Farris emerged from the kitchens tired, but satisfied. The food had gone up on time and without issue and so he would have one more day without another one of Donal’s reprimands. Not that Farris put much weight in them. He was simply sick of hearing them.

In his hand, he carried a small but weighted purse and strode across the courtyard towards Ka. But he paused when he saw the boy hanging a garland, a task given specifically to Gjerk. He turned on his heels to holler down into the kitchens.

“Gjerk, ye twig-armed ninny!” he bellowed. “What kind of lame legged lizard are ye to be pawnin’ off yer duties, eh?”

The bushel of bright orange hair peeked warily out from the stairwell. “Nothing sir! It’s just…well, he’s so much taller and…”

“And too polite tell ye to fuck off,” he barked. “Go see Bart and tell him ye just volunteered to scrub the privies.”

The younger giant’s face fell, and he looked as though he wished to protest, but the seething glare from Farris burnt up any objections and the tenderfoot sullenly turned away.

Farris huffed and turned back to where Ka was finishing up the decorations.

“Ye did good work today, lad. Much appreciated,” he said and held out the purse. “This is fer you.”

The giant paused in his work, hurriedly hooked the garland over the corner of the roof, and pulled his arms close to his body. "I'm sorry?" He avoided the man's eyes, glancing instead to where he had seen the boy called "Yerk" disappear. His brow worried as he clenched his jaw. He felt so bad for causing the boy such trouble. "This?" he asked when the pouch was impatiently placed in his right palm. It sounded like coin. "You...want me to take this somewhere? To get more groceries or something?" He felt Cairo shifting in the hood on his back and silently hoped he would keep his mouth shut, but it was not to be.

"What is it." he demanded.

"Coin," Ka murmured.

"I wasn't asking you," he said, tugging on a lock of his brother's hair.

At the human’s tone, Farris snorted. The urge to reintroduce the human back into the cocotte was strong. However, the trade of effort and reward was too far skewed from his favor, and so he allowed it to pass without further comment, except to answer Cairo’s initial question.

“Yer pay,” he said to the human before turning his eyes upwards to Ka. “Honest pay fer an honest day’s work. And my thanks.”

He had been perhaps a little more generous than he would have been normally, but if there was one thing his mother had instilled within him more than anything, it was to make sure no one under his roof ever went hungry. Ka had done the job of two men, and clearly he had not been getting enough to eat to sustain his considerable height. For all his mass, the boy was not much more than an overgrown sapling. A decent wind could blow him over.

The boy needed more than just food for the moment. He needed the coin to get more down the road.Farris only hoped that whichever road Ka was going down, they accepted Vhasshalan minted coins.

Shaking his head, the giant opened the purse and prodded the coins. They were strange to him, and small, but he didn't need a scale to tell this was a decent amount of money. He frowned at it, confused. Was there something he'd misunderstood? "But...you fed me." He met the man's eyes and instantly wished he had not--they were the kind that could cut. He returned his gaze to the sack in his palm. "It was good food, too. You don't have to do this," he offered the sack back.

Something thumped him in the back of his neck. "Just accept it, you stupid dog," Cairo growled fiercely. "I'll not have you go hungry over your own--mrrph!" he sputtered as an enormous hand clamped over his head and chest. It only took about three seconds before he bit down on his brother's finger, which was answered with a yelp."--your own sheepishness," he finished.

Farris eyed the pouch sitting in Ka’s open palm, appearing laughably small, and growled. His favor was a hard-won thing, and perhaps he had grown a little too used to folks understanding just what it meant for him to bestow it upon them. Ka was a stranger, though, and did not have a full grasp of the minutiae of the Vhasshalan kitchens or the way in which Farris ran them. If he ever put any real meat on his bones, the lad would be a right mountain. He had an honest spirit about him but was as meek and timid as a beaten pup.

“Yer gonna stash that purse in yer damn pocket, boy,” he told the much taller giant with a forceful jab of his finger. “And yer gonna heed that one’s words. Or so help me I’ll kick yer sorry arse from here to Garrish Hills.”

Ka felt a light tap on the back of his neck "Toldja so," Cairo barked almost immediately.

"Oh..." he backed away from the upheld finger and tucked the coin purse against his body. This man came only up to his waist, and yet his strength of person made him take a step back.

Farris's words were softer this time, though. He was used to judging Cairo's levels of harshness, and somehow this tone worked at the corners of his mouth. Someone was being kind to him, he realized after a time, and it made him feel warm inside. "Thank you sir," he smiled and, without thinking, got down on his knees in the grass and wrapped his arms around the little man. "Thank you."

As Ka’s long arms encased him tightly--Gods the boy was stronger than he looked--hot indignation roiled up from Farris’s chest, and his first instinct was to fling his arms out and push him away. But as he heard Ka’s words of thanks, he paused. Begrudgingly. And then he heard a telltale sound of his cooks snickering from the doorway.

“Alright,” Farris mumbled, wiggling experimentally to prompt the other to release him. But when it was obvious that Ka had either not heard him or chose to ignore him, he pushed against the taller giant’s chest and stepped back, effectively yanking himself from Ka’s grip. “Alright I said!”

Ka backed away hurriedly, nearly falling on his haunches. The only thing that kept him from doing so was the fact that Cairo was still resting in his hood, and if he fell all the way back...

"S-sorry, sir. Thank you." Ka said as he steadied himself. The man scared him more than he'd like to admit. Yet in the back of his mind, Farris reminded him a lot of Cairo, and Cairo would not want him to be skittish of him. Ka frowned. For once in his life, he was glad his brother was no bigger than he was.

"Get up and dust your pants off," the human grumbled, pulling a ringlet of Ka's hair. "We've gotta get a move on. Come on, he's not gonna bite you." To this, the giant shook his head to free his hair but did as he was told.

Ka did his best to meet Farris's eye but could only manage such for a single second. "Thank you again, sir," he said as he backed away a few paces, then seemed to falter in place. "Wait, I almost forgot." He reached in his pocket and extracted a single coin the size of a human’s head, with a diamond hole cut in the center. "I wanted to give this to the girl, but...I forgot. It isn't worth much, but she likes collecting stones so I thought..." he shook his head and placed it in the man's hand as he had done for him. "Sorry, I've got to go, erm. Tell her goodbye for me if I don't see her on my way out...uhm thank you," he said for the fifth time, finally waving before turning heel.

"Real smooth, bud," Cairo sniped. Ka shrugged and grumbled as he made his way to the gatehouse. They were good people and, he realized, he may miss them. Maybe they would have him back someday, if he could find his way. The giant looked down to his chest-pocket and the coin purse that rested there and resolved to save at least one as a keepsake.

[pinklocksoflove]

“Come, mortal, let me show you all  that you desire~ The weight of the world is so heavy on your shoulders. Take a load off and enjoy a fun night~”

"Listen here ya spike-cocked, tar-eyed, plank-shaped, sewer-assed rodent analogues! I'm gonna shear that thin film of slime you call a skin from yer spindly husk and make a FUCKING RAINCOAT out of it! I'm gonna slam my fists down yer throat, rip yer inky innards out and stitch a leathery sack out of em! I’m gonna saw yer wee legs off and turn yer hollow legbones into FUCKING FLUTES! Then I’ll craft a makeshift bag pipe out of the rancid materials I have harvested from yer twitching, filthy carcass so I can come around and play a nice tune at yer funeral ceremony! Before I PISS ON YER FUCKING GRANDMA!!!!"

“Y-you..... you what?! How dare you! How dare you speak to me or my grandmother in such a way! No mortal can resist a succubus of my caliber’s charms!”

“The nine hells must be cold if yer this touchy about a wee roastin’ Ye must be some pit lord’s trophy bitch if ye cannae take what a mortal can dish out!”

“I’LL HAVE YOUR SOUL FOR THAT!!!”

“Fuckin’ try me, I’ve dealt with worse”

[explxsiveoutcxst]

A decent amount of the lasers hit them, at this point the anon looked to be more holes than flesh. “Pfft, that all you got? Where’s ya fire trauma boy, gimme a fuckin roastin.” Did this guy just... not feel pain?? - Knifetopus Anon

“What, tired o’ th’ lazers? Fine. Ya want fire, I’ll give ya some fire--”

His arm reverted back to normal before a rather large flame was produced from the palm of his hand. It was then send flying at the Knifetopus...thing.

[tomdiddlyumptious]

PP| Training Gone Wild

Summary: does jealously turn into love? Oh shit let’s find out (this is fucking stupid 😂)

Warning: Idk if it’s poorly written actually, language! And um, jealousy?

I probably wouldn’t feel bad if you don’t like it.

“Night night, peter” You smirk as his body his on the ground, You kick him on his temple and he passes out, making you chuckle.

“What the fuck! Y/n is you crazy!” Sam says running up to the boxing ring and entering, sliding himself down to peter as he checks his pulse.

“The kid was annoying me!” You smack my lips, “he’ll wake up in a few”. You wave him off and exit, do you feel bad maybe just a little. It was true though you wanted to get back on your invention but your dad always wants you to train, your more of the brains then the hands. But others say different.

“You are a fuckin kid too!” Sam yells, turning back to you and looking at you in disbelief. You roll your eyes and shake your head, flipping him off you go back to your room muttering curse words and roastin Sam.

“Finally home swee-

“LIVINGROOM PLEASE” tony yells, everyone else also in there waiting to give you a lecture.

You sigh and get your invisible ear plugs thats in a case, you made those because you were always annoyed by Thor and Bruce all day, you soon exited and made your way to the living room.

You found peter splat on the couch making you wheeze, until you found your fathers eyes you slowly stopped.

“Do you have any idea what you just did?” He asks, crossing his arms and cocking his famous eyebrow.

“I kno-“

“YOU KNOCKED EM OUT! why in the hell would you do that! Your like the most strongest one in here and you fuckin took it out on, peter” tony exclaims, throwing his hands out at shoving them to peter.

“What’s so special about peter? He’s like everyone else around here, dad, you know what. Maybe you should replace me with peter since you love him sooo fucking much! I’ve tried to keep it in me but you, you, I honestly love you dad from the bottom of my heart, but since you can’t see for your own damn grave… Get a new fucking child” you didn’t notice the few tears coming down your face, you pointing at your dad as his expression becomes harder while everyone else’s become in shock.

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you these past few days, but since you wanna be honest, I’ll do the same thing. I love you too but peter has no one, you have your two parents and he has his aunt may, so be fucking grateful that you have a family! Go to your room, come back when you have a nice tone and a decent attitude” tony scolds, you roll your eyes and stomp your way back to your room.

“Fuckin dip shit, I fucking hate you, I fucking hate all of you assholes. I don’t even hate peter, I freaking hate my life is what, starks are so fucking stupid” you continue to repeat as you make it to your door.

You open and slam the door behind you, going to your computer you shut down all access and cross your arms with you biting your lip, strong enough to draw blood.

About fifteen minutes later you decided you should just take a nap until you heard ‘hey you alright?’ ‘I don’t know what’s gotten into her’ ‘she just needs some space I guess’ ‘no peter, stay here’. Huff and roll your eyes, honestly not wanting to deal with anyone but also kinda wanting to apologize.

You heard knocking on your door “h-hey, I uh- it’s peter” he said muffled. You stop biting your lip and quickly change, opening your door revealing peter still in his training fit and a big bruise on the side of his face, “can I come in?”

You nod slowly and hesitantly open your door more, letting Peter come in and sit on your bed and you shut the door and slowly slipped down on the floor against it.

“I want to say sorry” you both said, looking at each other then looking away.

You bite your lip and it was time to speak up.

“I wanted to say sorry because uh-“ you cleared your throat, “I shouldn’t have did what I did, it was very immature of me to do that. I guess I’ve been a little under the blue but that’s not an excuse to do such a thing” he weakly smiles and looks at you, slowly standing and making his way over to you and sitting down against the door.

“I wanted to say sorry, because I kinda heard the conversation. I don’t want you too feel like I’m taking your family away from you, if you want me to leave-“

“No no don’t leave peter! It was just I guess, my dad hasn’t been talking to me but he always talks to you, I was jealous” You purse your lips in a thin line.

He bites the inside of his cheek and turns to you, placing his hand on my shoulder You look up at him, and slowly at his lips but quickly trail back up.

“I know we talk but don’t talk, but since we’re confessing things can I tell you something?” He winces a bit. You furrow my eyebrows but nod, licking your lips and waiting for his response.

“I like you, I m-mean I love you! I don’t know how to explain it. I guess when you put me to sleep it made me wanna say something, I guess” You chuckle at his word choice and say to him back.

“I have the same feel that you’re feeling, Peter” it’s true, aside from that little hate and big jealously you loved him, the way he would accidently fall while trying to sweep Steve off his feet, or how he would always try to make pancakes but it was always raw in the middle. How he would ask how your day is and would end up play fighting until it gets awkward from him being on top of you.

He raises his hand to the side of your cheek, looking down at your soft pink lips and back in your eyes, silently wanting permission. You silently nod and allow him to kiss you, your hands ontop of peters, a long kiss and slowly pulling away making an audible noise and resting his head in the crook of my neck, I reach up and play with his hair tucking strands behind it and fixing it to the side.

“Can I get some ice for that?”

[therealslimshakespeare]

Happily helping shoulder the delightful weight of Anthony Boyle’s deliciousness 🫡 what precious companions I’ve got in it

Thank you for carrying the weight of anthony boyle content on this app 😭 i’m obsessed

omg thank you so much Nonnie! Gotta spread the love for our Anto 🥹

but I’m not doing it alone! my besties @winniemaywebber and @precious-little-scoundrel are also proud members of the Anthony Boyle Support Squad <3

[noonmutter]

Send 🍆 and my muse will describe a sexual fantasy they have about your muse. (You know what? Let's see what you got Rofl)

Leon is not amused, but he’s being jabbed in the back with a fireplace poker by the mun and isn’t allowed to dodge the question.

It comes out mostly grumbled, “…spit-roastin’ Murkey with ‘im.” The mun jabs him harder. He sighs in irritation. “Fine I used t’think about roughhousin’ with ‘im an’ it goin’ all romance-novelly with th’awkward pin an’ th’ sudden violent fuckin’ in a semi-public place, okay? AND YES OBVIOUSLY I WAS THE BOTTOM STOP THAT.”

The poker is stolen from the mun. The mun has a shit-eating grin anyway.

( @waroftwowolves and mention of @murkeyglglgl )

[lynxgriffin]

Straight Outta Monster Narnia

HEY HEY I WASN’T EXPECTING TO DO THIS EVER AGAIN BUT WE’RE BACK

I’M GONNA PLAY ME SOME DELTA RUNE HERE

THOUGHTS AS I GO! ARE UNDER THE CUT!

Here we GOOOOOOO~!

Survey Program! Nice! Ominous!

I am here yes!

Truly excellent dude

OH MAKING A VESSEL NOW what are we Xehanort

NEATO I can pick Chara or Frisk heads or others…

Let’s do someone new. This kinda longish hair head.

STRIPES FOR DAYS! Longish sleeves, methinks

The legs are almost all the same LMAO

This is so friggin creepy I l OVE IT

Favorite food is PAIN nah it’s soft

BLOOD TYPE D. D for DOGGO

You have been gifted with kindness, not-XionFrisk

Pain AND seizure. Kinda wonder what happens if you say no tho…

But I don’t want to start over so let’s go with yes

OH FRIGGIN BUUUUURNED BY THE GAME, HAHAHA

Hi Toriel, you’re looking nice!

That’s a lot of friggin trophies over there

Also Kris, you need some eyes

RELIGIOUS SKA

So we have overachieving perfect child and sad boring child, okay

Awww Gerson wrote a book! How neat

It’s only you…..FOR NOW!!!!

It just isn’t home without white fur stuck in the drain, is it

CHAIRIEL’S RETURN!!!!

Also there’s some weird graphical flicker going on when I move and I wonder if it’s not because I’m playing full screen here

“Spray For The Boys, Flamin’ Hot Pizza Flavor” Damn Toby I missed your incredible sense of humor

DOES TORIEL USE PET SHAMPOO please say yes

ASRIEL’S AT COLLEGE AND UNDYNE’S A POLICE MONSTER, PERFECT

PROFESSOR ALPHYS IMMA GET AN A+ IN ANIME CLASS

DAMN who do I pick as my partner

Like…I really want Temmie…but also Snowdrake…

Random snake is also very good…

Ahhh I see this is gonna be pre-determined

HAHAHAHA FUCKIN BURNED AGAIN BY THIS HORRIBLE BLUE DUCK

Thank you cool snake I love your origin story

Oh this reindeer girl is very cute

MOTHA. FOKKIN. SUSIE

I instantly love her, goodbye

Oh Alphys you’re so not good at putting anyone in trouble

I JUST REALIZED TEMMIE HAS HER EGG ON THE DESK

Susie are you eating chalk

Oh sheet I like Susie less now

GAH DAMN THIS ESCALATED QUICKLY

Susie, Kris doesn’t even HAVE a face

Haha totally cut off my answer there

Hmm. I sense…a theme here.

Wow this really is putting on the restrictive aspects here

Now that’s a spooky face

Oh it ain’t gonna be that simple, mean girls

Well, this sure seems like an underground! Also…Kris is green now, okay

Hi there creepy waving things!

To reiterate: this is soooo creepy AND I LOVE IT

Puzzles! We got puzzles again! CREEPY PUZZLES

Whelp, we found Susie, just kinda hiding out in a…dead dust bunny thingie

LOL so much for a party member following you around

Well this is a new and interesting take on the bullet hell mechanics

Such interesting and different architecture

THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESSSSS

Yes let’s take a sudden HARD SHIFT into Final Fantasy

THE QUEST OF THE DELTA KNIGHTS that was an MST3K ep you know

About like…Leonardo da Vinci actually. Except he was a whiny bitch

LMAO Susie just “nah destroying the world sounds neat”

JOKESTER SANS GLIDES IN A FLAMING TRICYCLE SURE WHY NOT

VERY DIFFERENT COMBAT SYSTEM

“Dunno how I got an ax but like, that’s cool”

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE REMIXES OF THIS BATTLE MUSIC OKAY

Dunno if there’s a pacifist version of this game but I stick to tradition so I’m gonna try it

RALSEI. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE

THE POWER OF FLUFFY BOYS SHINES WITHIN YOU it sure as hell does, game

The heckin heck Ralsei is so cute

Yup yup we gonna try pacifist this first time!

“If you’re reading this…I guess you’re dead.” Fair enough.

Gaster noises when trying to use the cell phone, hmmmm…

It’s an inverse papou fruit!

Susie just up and attacks this cake, all right

Battle is cool but it’s gonna take some getting used to, think I accidentally used both of my items

YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION WON’T SAVE YOU NOW

“It’s like a dinner made out of three glasses of milk” Ralsei you’re SO CUTE

Now to see if TP stays leveled between battles…

“I thought you were running away.” / “Yeah, I finished.”

Fugdamn I want —pictures of Spiderman— remixes of this music ON MY DESK TODAY

FRIGHTENING FANFARE

Damn that puzzle still is tricky

Gah damn that was hilarious but also terrifying

We have the power of FLUFFY BOYS and MEAN GIRLS we are UNSTOPPABLE

Ohhh so that’s what the heart outline does!

Now that is a coooool cat and I like him already

Awww I don’t have enough money for the spooky sword

Susie just roastin’ everybody left and right

THEY GOT BARRY

These mechanics continue to be interesting and a bit more complex

“Damn, didn’t get to impale myself” I’m sure you’ll get your chance Susie

It’s really interesting how we’re basically group-battling to PREVENT the tank from beating the crap out of everyone

Oh now that light trick is weird

They keep throwing the usual chess and playing card guys at us and somehow I’m Suspicious

Is that a bucket. ARE Y’ALL HOMESTUCKING AT ME AGAIN

LMAO did Susie call us the Fuckboys or something

Oh, the Shit Squad, I guess!

THE POWER OF THE SHIT SQUAD SHINES WITHIN YOU HECK YESSSS

“I, Mr. Society, am far too intelligent to ever bow down to such a tyrant!” Hmmm.

Oh, it’s Sir Lion Plateface again

L E G S

THE BOSS JUST DRINKS A GALLON OF MILK THAT’S FINE

Well Ralsei got kinda junked there but WE DEFEATED SIR LION PLATEFACE

Cakes…are also my enemy…

Yeeeeah kinda saw that one coming

Susie I get the feeling you’re not going to enjoy being a bad guy either

Dang son I have no clue what’s going on anymore WE JUST HAD SOME SALSA IN A TREE STUMP

This jack’s got my number

That sure is a three-eyed three-headed cat thingamajig

Awww I like Clover

“All proceeds go to kicking your ass” CAN I USE THIS LINE IN REAL LIFE PLEASE

Hot damn we just squeaky hammered our broken cake into ULTIMATE CAKE

Why does a sweet little boy have a mustache indeed.

Create a machine to thrash your own ass, nice

It’s my beautiful death laser duck! Tops in GUN’S

Man Susie and Lancer are just having the time of their lives here

Finally, respect for pinecone-eaters!

Awww Susie, are you actually starting to worry about someone who respects your eating of chalk and pinecones

Oh thank goodness, got through that maze thing

Yes, finally, it’s our DUCK TANK LASER

Why does it say Tuna on it

“Your design sucked so we blew it up” This is like that one Berlin tour guide I had

GANGED UP ON THEM WITH KINDNESS, HA

Whelp, back to telling enemies that Susie will kick them in the shins I guess!

YES LANCER JOIN THE SHIT SQUAD

OMFG THAT FAAAAACE WHAT IS THAT FACE

Hey we’ve got a full Final Fantasy team now! Neat

STOOL FORME

I like how Lancer just sliiiiiides around outside the party instead of walking with

Hmmm well that friendship feeling didn’t last long

You done got locked in the dungeon

Yup sure did eat that jail moss two minutes in

HUH, we’re controlling Susie now

In which choices do not matter…

SUSIE’S FOKKIN PISSED

And we can’t control her actions…but why controlling the human soul?

A pair of eyes got arrested?! What IS the world coming to?!!

Oh dear, we found a bunch of kings in baby jail

Why are these filthy cages so happy-looking

Awwww Susie joined the party for realizes!

So, this about final boss point for this business?

Why are you guys just sitting on a pile of loot

And just who is this sassy lost child?

BAAHAHAHAAA

HECK YEAH WE GET TO FLIRT AGAIN

I am now BED INSPECTOR yes

Hello again fancy blue boy

“Can…can we see it” / “No.”

This sure is a jammin party with CLUB MUSIC OH HO HO HO

Awww he put his bicycle to bed

‘Welcome to my shop, you ungrateful worms” HELL YEAH

I do not wisheth to hear your MP3s! I would rather listen to the sweet song of Death!

Prepare for a battle with…WHATEVER THIS IS!!!!

JUST FUGGIN CHUCK RALSEI AT SIR LION PLATEFACE, I LIKE IT

Six dollars, for all of that?! Geez

WHELP this looks like final boss time…

Hiiiii there Lancer

Oh dang is gettin serious now

Oh woooow that’s…someone’s fetish right there

HOKAY that was tricky but! Having the defense abilities certainly helped with pacifism through that…

Despite ending this peacefully, I don’t think this scene is gonna end on a happy note…

W H E L P

DAYUM that face from Susie!!

Awwww poor Ralsei

We only have BAD-byes WUAH WUAH WUAAAH

DAWWW lil’ Asriel-lookin dude with glasses (and YES I see that anagram there)

LMAO Susie’s face

EPIC ROCK MUSIIIIIC

Also I’ve really been enjoying the color effects

Awww look at this epic adventure you two had in the closet

So basically we went to Monster Narnia, neat

Awww Susie likes Monster Narnia

Oh no we worried Toriel! THE WORST

LIBRARBY

YOU STUDY THOSE HOT DEMON COMICS FOR COLLEGE, TEMMIE

Hiiii Toby you busy makin’ something!

ALPHYS NO, YOU BETRAY MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE

OFFICE UNDYNE, DOn’T ARREST ME

I like reindeer girl’s rowdy hospitalized dad

PARTY ANIMAL TORIEL CONFIRMED

I like how there’s just a poster on the wall in this room that reads PAIN

The police tape simply reads NGGAAAAAHHHHH!

Good grief there’s SO MUCH STUFF TO EXPLORE HERE BUT I HAVE TO KEEP GOING

Snowdrakes don’t have arms, oh no!!!

“Does it hurt to be made of blood??” ….Yes. Yes it does.

HIIIIIIIII SANS

Woah woah woah WOAH WOAH SANS

Everyone is here! Even Ice Wolf!

Yes I’ll take a Double Ice Pizza you weirdos

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOD IT’S BURGERPANTS

10 OUT OF 10 GAME NOW

HIS FACES!!!! “C H I C K S”

That was brilliant, Burgerpants, thank you for existing

Catty!!! Hey where’s Bratty!

Noooo you gotta be besties with Bratty!

Brother Doug…?

Oh no, Mettaton, come out and talk to us!

ASGORE, HELLO

OMG Asgore hugs

Soul flowers….???

Awwww got some flowers for Toriel

THE GAY GUARDS IN THEIR GAY FLANNEL, YAY

It’s so late but I can’t stop until I’ve talked to LITERALLY EVERYONE

Thaaaat’s politics! …Rarely.

Comes to church for the fruit juice, sounds about right

DOG GRAVE, NO

Let’s go into the woods…what could go wrong…

Why can’t I get into the creepy shed…

Well, I think I got everything, so let’s go home now…

ASRIEL MAINS YOSHI IN SMASH CONFIRMED

Awwww Toriel is not big on Asgore’s bouquet!

OKAY decided to go to sleep here.

…Well that didn’t work out great

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

UUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WHAT??????????

WHAT????????????

WHAT?????????

HAHA I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THE FUK HAPPENED IN ALL OF THIS BUT UH. WHEN’S CHAPTER TWO??

THAT SURE WAS A HELL OF A THING

No really Toby please WHAAAAAAATTT

OKAY I HOPE I DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING IMPORTANT BYYYYEEEE

[woundedheartwithin]

from these dark waters (from this dark world)

Far Cry 5 | Hurk Drubman Jr./Female Deputy | Fluff and Angst

For notes and extras, find it here on AO3!

prologue

“Bailey Arielle Correa, 23, born in Puerto Rico, raised in Phoenix, Arizona. Graduated top of her class from the Glendale Police Academy in 2016, served a year and a half at the Glendale PD, including two months of ongoing SWAT training. No incidents, conducted herself calmly and professionally, has the ability to be an excellent law enforcement officer wherever she goes.” Sheriff Earl Whitehorse reads, holding the rookie’s dossier in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other. He glances up at her over his glasses, then back at the letter of commendation from the Glendale Chief of Police. “High praise.”

“Yes, sir.” She says, voice cool and even. She’s in street clothes, conservatively dressed with her hair pulled back into a neat bun. She looks exactly like all the other rookies he’s hired: fresh-faced, eager to please, looking for an opportunity to shine.

“So what brings you to Hope County, Montana?” He asks, throwing the dossier onto his desk. “Not exactly a bustling metropolitan area.”

“That’s exactly why I’m here, sir.” She says frankly. “Well, that and it’s too damn hot in Arizona.”

“While I can’t argue with that, I’m still wondering why you chose Montana.” Earl says, raising an eyebrow. “Gets pretty cold here, y’know.”

“I just needed a change of scenery.” She sighs. “The desert gets boring real quick, and I just don’t like being a city cop.”

“Well, I suppose that’s fair.” Earl stands and straightens his duty belt, then steps around his desk to face her directly. “Job’s yours. You’re more than qualified, and I’m in need of deputies. Now more than ever.”

“I heard about the cult.”

“We don’t like to use that term.”

“I’m looking forward to helping bring it down. It’s my understanding that they’ve cause a lot of trouble for the people here.”

“That they have.” Earl says. “Anyway, I guess that means you’re in luck. We’ve been talking with the US Marshal Service about arrest warrants. Their idea, not ours. Got an agent coming out tomorrow to go over fine details and chart a plan of attack. Maybe with your SWAT training, you’ll be of some help on that front.”

“I’ll do my best, sir.”

“I have no doubt you will.” Earl smiles and offers his hand. “Welcome to the Hope County Sheriff’s Office, Deputy Correa.”

“Thank you, sir.” Bailey says through a grin, grasping his hand and shaking it with an enthusiasm that Earl envies.

—

Hurk Drubman Jr. is sitting on the roof of one of the trailers in the Moonflower Trailer Park, drinking beer with his cousin, Sharky Boshaw, when a far off explosion catches his attention.

“The fuck was that?” Sharky asks, looking at Hurk in bleary-eyed confusion.

“Dunno.” Hurk replies, then points at the column of smoke beginning to rise into the clear night sky. “Started a big-ass fire, whatever it was.”

“Wanna go see it?”

“Nah, let’s just watch it from here.” Hurk takes another pull from his beer. “It’s like the goddamn Fourth of July.”

—

“Hurk! Shit. The cops are here, get the fuck up!” Sharky hisses, shaking Hurks shoulder hard. “I think they’re here ‘cuz we been roastin’ Peggies.”

“Is it really murder if they’re tryna kill you, too?”

“Fuck if I know. C’mon, you gotta help me get rid of ‘em!”

“The Peggies?”

“The fuckin’ cops, man! Damn, never fuckin’ listen.” Sharky growls, then turns and leaves, yelling as he opens the door. “Listen here, Johnny Law, I know my rights. Them Peggies are trespassing on my property and —“

“I don’t give a shit what you do to the Peggies.” A female voice replies, clear and pretty like a bell. Hurk shoves the door open and steps up beside his cousin, narrowing his eyes at the tiny deputy sheriff standing before them. She’s pretty with her tanned olive complexion and big brown eyes, her hair pulled into a loose bun, bleached blonde but the roots have long grown out. Her deputy’s uniform is a bit worse for wear, but she still somehow manages to look all authority-like in it. She smiles at Hurk, a wide and honest grin that is as genuine as it is beautiful, and Hurk finds himself returning it effortlessly.

“Take it easy, Sharky.” Hurk says, putting a hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “What can we do for you, ma’am?”

“Name’s Bailey. I heard you two got explosives?” She says, hooking her thumbs in her belt loops. “I need, like, a lot of explosives. And a flamethrower.”

“Miss Bailey, you are in the right place.” Hurk says, laughing. “I’m Hurk, RPG specialist. This is Sharky, pyrotechnics phenom. At your service.”

“What are we blowin’ up?” Sharky asks, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

“What aren’t we blowing up?” Bailey replies easily. “I’m planning on taking out every Peggie I see. Burning every Bliss field, blowing up every silo, destroying every outpost. No fucking prisoners.”

“Goddamn, I think I’ve just found the woman of my dreams.” Hurk jokes, laughing again.

“Me too.” Sharky agrees, grinning. “This is gonna be fun.”

[justicetempered]

“Yeah, fire. It’s fuckin great. You can tosss stuffs in it. It’s warm. It’s loud if ya got it goin good enough. Marshmallow roastin n the whole nine yards n shit. Freak-frackin awesome!”

Again, all technically true. But jesus, how sauced was Buck? Even with the bootleg serum it took a decent amount to get that drunk, and his friend was slurring and swaying away. Reaching out a hand to grip the brunet’s elbow to steady him, Steve raised an eyebrow, torn between concern and amusement. He wasn’t sure Buck would take too kindly to the concern. Indulge him now, talk about it later. Buck was awfully cheerful and adorable when drunk.

     “Yea, it’s great in small amounts. Just gotta be safe with it, use as directed, y’know?”