#fuckin Adam Driver lookin ass

[audioslavedragon13]

Didn't realize your character could give you the side eye.

Kinda creepy, not going to lie.

He also looks a 100% done with my shit, lol

[tricornonthecob]

Not Gonna Let Down The Title Line

LK 103: United we Crammed

(pt1)(pt2)(pt3)(pt4)

you know I think the dumbass CAN be taught.

xXdaggerQuillXx is not only on-point for an edgelord 15/16 year old given access to mass media, but its also on-point for early 2000s-era forum usernames. I have a theory that someone in the writer's room was either daggerQuill or had a similar name, and this line was meant to dunk on them.

ROAST HIS ASS, MOSES.

oh, ADHD-ass eager beaver.

Moses is also not paid enough to put up with this.

I paused on just the right frame to get a face full of squirrel twerking. I need to sit down a moment.

ok but their relationship is kind of cute, too.

Sam I'm gonna need you to calm tf down, you're causing tonal whiplash with the soundtrack.

in other words, John is gonna crush them.

I don't see how having Henri be sheepdog is going to make the wagon move any faster but then again he's probably an absolute demon if given direction and encouragement.

The ewe just magically transformed into a ram. These guys are Pure Gender energy no wonder Henri has such sway over them.

Duane this is not a good look.

This guy is really not thrilled he has a babysit a teenager with poor impulse control.

oh my god I love his energy. I love this man. Spirit animal fr.

Henri and the sheepdog are the two braincells keeping this train together.

Sarah has such a girlcrush on Abigail Adams I bet she was giggling and twirling her hair.

Sarah honey, the Frillips polycule is near critical mass, you don't need to introduce more empowered and intelligent women into it.

her footman/driver lookin' kinna cute, do you think they had a thing for blondes at DIC.

Gage: Hey so uh, how should I be treating Boston when I get there? Like do we have an idea of what we want or...

Lord North's Parliament: fuckin I dunno do what you want?

...were they told to give that sheep a butthole, or was this a fed up artist sneaking things into frame.

Henri's the real brains of this outfit istg

*background art anyeurism*

Whaaaat the delegation from the Quaker colony in the Quaker city would vote for moderation? But the Society of Friends has such a reputation for spiciness!

James wants to see a fistfight on the floor and so do we

[mummybear]

This Thing Between US

Words: 4479

Warnings: Swearing, Dirty Talk, Smut, Wall/Door Sex, Protective Jensen, Oral (Male Receiving), Fluff. Think that’s it :) 

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Summary: After getting a much needed night off from work and finally getting a date your best friend doesn’t agree with you about going, is Jensen right? Is the date doomed or are you about to spend the night with Mr Right?

A/N: This is my submission to @stiles-o-dylan24‘s challenge for passing 1K followers! My Prompt Was - If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to seduce me. A massive congratulations Ellie!! So beyond pleased for you babe, glad that we’ve been friends for as long as we have. You’re the sweetest person ever and you deserve every single follower and so many more! Big hugs babe, hope you enjoy this! :) 

A big thank you to the lovely @ne-gans for reading it over for me too 😘💖

This is also another submission to my @spndeanbingo, for the square (Best Friends)

(This is an AU where Jensen isn’t married and never was. This is a work of fanfiction and should be treated as such, thank you :) )

Ko-Fi HERE :)

You were so excited, you’d finally managed to get some time off work to have a much needed date night. The trouble was that you were nervous as hell, the date you were going on was with a guy you’d met online last week. Despite your best friend and roommate doing his best to put you off of the idea, you were determined to go ahead with your plans. You’d spent the entire day at work distracted thinking about it. 

Jensen’s opinion was always extremely important to you, him not agreeing with your decision must've been playing on your mind more than you’d first realised. As much as you trusted and respected Jensen’s opinion; and you did. You just couldn’t cancel these plans, you’d had them for weeks and you had been really looking forward to them. Plus that would hardly be fair on the guy you were meeting, Tim had seemed like a nice enough guy from what you could gather during your chats.

Your bath is finally how you like it, the steam filling the cool room and you quickly pull off your clothes and toss them into the hamper, before climbing into the tub, groaning in pleasure when your aching body makes contact with the water, it’s like your muscles instantly relax. 

You take your time in the bath, enjoying a little time to yourself to relax. By the time you’re almost finished in the bath, the bathroom door suddenly opens and the intrusion makes you jump. Your hand resting over your heart when Jensen steps into the steam filled room, you allow yourself to relax slightly. Seemingly in his own world, until he stops mid step and locks eyes with you. He immediately covers his eyes with his hand, “s-shit Y/N, I’m sorry!” he half stutters and you can see the blush creeping across his skin. 

“My fault, I should've locked the door.” You reply as you climb out of the bath and wrap your towel around yourself. 

“You can look now,” you giggle a little nervously, noticing the way he’d stiffened when you climbed out. You can’t understand this, he’s never been this nervous around you before.

He hesitantly uncovers his eyes and you give him a small smile when he finally looks at you. The steam in the room suddenly feels like it’s surrounding you, like the air is stuck in your throat. 

“I should… uh. I should go get ready,” you manage to croak out around the lump in your throat.

You don’t give him time to answer, gripping your towel tightly, you practically run from the bathroom to your bedroom, where you slam the door closed and fall back against it, your heart beating wildly in your chest. 

“What the hell was that!?” You demand of yourself out loud. 

Nothing had ever happened between you and Jensen and you’d never intended anything to happen. He was by far one of the hottest men you’d ever known, sure there had been the odd sex dreams you’d had about him. But you didn’t understand what was happening now, he was your best friend and that had been all you’d ever seen him as. Maybe it was just the heat in the bathroom and the hot bath messing with you. That had to be the reason, right?

You decided not to think about it, you didn’t want some kind of fluke or whatever it had been to ruin your night. Taking a deep breath you turn your attention to your outfit hanging on your door, it was a simple black dress with cuffed sleeves and a split up the side, which reached your mid thigh. Your underwear was a sexy black lace set, with white woven in between parts of the fabric, you’d purchased it especially for tonight. 

You did your makeup, wearing a little more than usual and paired it with your red lipstick. You didn’t do too much with your hair, deciding to leave the natural wave you already had. Now that you’re dressed and ready to go, you feel a little more confident, stepping into your heeled shoes. You smile at your reflection as you check yourself over in the mirror. 

When you walk out into the living room, you find Jensen sitting on the couch, clearly he’d had a shower right after you’d left. His hair is still wet and all over the place and he’s shirtless, only his light grey sweatpants cling low on his lean hips. You tried not to notice the few drops of water that rolled down his thick neck. Clearing your throat, you lick your extremely dry lips and focus on his face, where he quickly closes his mouth, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows hard.

“You look… just wow, fuck Y/N.” Jensen rasps, standing in front of you.

You feel yourself blushing and meet his eyes once more, and you can’t help but wonder were they always that green? “Yeah? Thanks Jay. I’m really nervous,” 

“He’s the one who should be nervous, sweetheart, trust me. You don’t have a fuckin’ thing to worry about. You call me if he fucks with you and I’ll kick his ass.” He winks at you and you watch as he chews on his bottom lip and his eyes drop, shamelessly checking you out, before he seems to remember himself and his eyes snap back to your face. 

“So uh, have a good night. Call me if you need a lift home or whatever.” He dismisses, but there’s something about the way he’d said that, that just doesn’t sit right with you.

You decide it’s best not to mention it though, “yeah sure, thanks.” You reply, voice a little clipped and you quickly leave your apartment without looking back.

What the hell is going on between the two of you today? This morning was like any other morning now suddenly, there’s like this weird thing between you and you just can’t explain it.

-

You send a text to Tim and tell him that you’ve just arrived at the restaurant, climbing out of the taxi, you pay the driver, before heading inside and taking a seat at the bar. This place is seriously expensive, so you just order a drink while you wait. You check your phone and still no reply from Tim. 

By the time you check your phone again, your second drink is gone and you’re beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. When you turn back to the bar you find someone is sitting beside you.

“It looks like you’ve been stood up, baby girl.” A deep voice states, clearly he’d been watching you, which is seriously creepy, honestly it takes everything you have not to roll your eyes and you just sigh loudly. 

Turning to look at the stranger, slicked back black hair and brown eyes, moderately good looking but he also looks like a total sleazebag. 

“Not that it’s anything to do with you, but no I haven’t, I’m actually waiting for my boyfriend to finish work.” You snap back defensively, thanking the bartender when he places another drink in front of you.

“You sure about that? You’ve been lookin’ at your phone awfully regular.” He chuckles as you do it again, this time you go through your contacts, in search of the only man who would make you feel safe in this situation.

Before you can press the call button the sleazebags hand lands on your thigh, the feel of his skin against yours makes you feel sick.

“You better move your hand before I shove it up your ass,” you all but growl, slamming your empty glass back on the counter and attracting the bartender's attention.

The guy is undeterred as he leans in closer, the smell of him makes your stomach roll with nausea.

“Come on baby, I can show you a real good time. Fortunately for you, I like ‘em feisty.” He whispers and his cracked lips ghost your ear and you quickly pull away. Before you can tell him to go fuck himself, the bartender is back with another drink for you and the sleaze excuses himself.

“Be right back darlin’ don’t you go anywhere.” 

The second his ass leaves the stool you dial the number, your feet bouncing on the wooden slat beneath your seat.

“Hello sweetheart? You miss me already?” Jensen slurs into the phone and you want to headbutt the bartop. He cannot be drunk right now!

“Look, the guy didn’t show Jay. But I’m getting really freaked out by this creep, he won’t take no for an answer.” You reply quickly, worried about getting a taxi alone in case he tries to follow you.

“Stay right there. I’ll be five minutes.” He responds quickly, all humour gone from his voice. 

Before you can mention the fact that he’s drunk, the line goes dead. You really hope he doesn’t do anything stupid, but at the same time you’re just glad he’s coming. You don’t have time to think about it too much, before you spot Mr creep returning. 

You quickly finish the drink you have left on the bar, feeling that familiar burn in your chest. 

“Did you miss me?”

God that had sounded so much better when Jensen had asked. 

“Yeah, like a fucking hole in the head. Could you leave me alone now. My boyfriend is on his way, he’s the jealous protective type.” You lie easily, although that’s not a complete lie. Jensen is fiercely protective of you, but that was just how he was with his friends, it was one of the many qualities you loved about him. 

“Why don’t I keep you company until he gets here,” the guy smirks, leaning across the bar on his elbow so his face is inches from your own, clearly he still doesn’t believe you.

When you jump back a little too fast, your stool rocks and you almost fall off, but a strong body behind you stops you. You recognise the way he smells immediately and let out a sigh of relief when those strong arms wrap around your body.

“Hey baby, sorry I’m late. I know I said I'd be here sooner.” His lips press against the side of your neck and you feel an unexpected shiver shoot up your spine. 

Your hands drop to Jensen’s and you lean back into his embrace.

“Don’t worry babe, I’m just glad you’re here now.” You tell him honestly, turning back to the douche across from you, who still hadn’t moved.

“Was this dick bothering you?” Jensen growls against your skin and this time you’re sure that you visibly shiver, biting your lip to stop the noise bubbling in your throat, your hands tighten over his. 

The guy looks between you and Jensen and swallows hard.

“Sorry man, guess I misread something. I didn’t realise she was spoken for.” The guy spits out, quickly finishing his drink and you scoff.

“Well that’s bullshit. You should probably leave now.” Jensen suggests, his voice taking on a dangerous edge that you’d never heard before and it affects you more than you might have previously admitted. 

He takes the seat beside you and wraps his arms around your waist, fingers just slightly digging into your stomach. The sleazebag can’t get off of the stool quick enough, and you can’t help but laugh watching him stumble out of the door.

“You are seriously the best friend in the world.” You tell him relieved, turning to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

“Thank you Jay, I dunno what I would’ve done without you tonight,” 

When you pull back you press a chaste kiss to his cheek, watching the blush appear almost immediately.

“S’fine Y/N, anytime.” He mutters quietly, scratching at the back of his neck and smiling awkwardly. “Are you hungry? I’m guessing you didn’t have time to eat?” 

You look at him and shrug, a slight smile pulling at your lips.

“Honestly? I kinda just wanna get drunk with my best friend, not really that hungry anymore.” 

-

An hour later you and Jensen are in a shadowed corner booth, the bottle of liquor that sits between you is almost empty. You lean in closer to him, brushing away some fluff from his shirt. “So, did you dress up just for me?” you ask with a grin.

Jensen took a deep breath and met your eyes, your heart suddenly felt like it was trapped in your throat.

“So what if I had, is that a problem?” he questioned gruffly, resting his hand on your thigh, through the split in your dress. 

You suck in a breath at the contact, but the alcohol gives you the boost you need to push away your nerves. Thinking back to how he'd been acting all day, you wonder, what’s the worst that could happen if you gave into what you were feeling?

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to seduce me, Mr Ackles.” You practically purr, scooting impossibly close, so that you were pressed up against each other.

“Is it working?” Jensen asks with a smirk, fingers curling around the top of your thigh and digging into your skin. You have to bite into your lip to stop yourself from making a noise, very cautious of the people sitting less than a foot behind the two of you. 

“What if it is? What’re you gonna do about it?” Your reply is more breathy than you would’ve liked but you go with it, your hand dropping to his on your thigh and squeezing. 

Clearly the alcohol was giving him a confidence boost, when he leans in close and presses those plump lips to your ear, you’re completely overwhelmed by him. 

“You wanna go home and I can show you, baby girl?” He asks huskily, this time you can’t hold back the whimper when his hand moves further up your thigh.

Taking a breath, you swallow hard, feeling his lips press against the side of your neck, just below your ear.

“This is a bad idea, isn’t it?” You ask, feeling a little lightheaded with him being so close and his lips pause on your skin.  

Jensen pulls back so he’s looking at you in the eyes. 

“I don’t think so, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it? I know I have.” 

“I guess maybe, I’ve dreamt about certain things happening. But I’ve tried not to let myself consider it, you’re my best friend Jay, I don’t wanna lose you.” You tell him honestly, blushing as you look down at your knees.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Jensen all but whispers, cupping your cheek in his big hand. He always made you feel so small in the best way. He tilts your face until you’re looking in his eyes again,  “Trust me, I have no intention of going anywhere. No matter what happens tonight. You wanna just go home and forget about this then it’s up to you, Y/N. No pressure.” There’s a pause as he leans in a little closer, chewing on his bottom lip for a moment.

“But if you want me to take you home and show you what you do to me, how fucking hard you make me-” You cut him off with those words, resting your hand over the obvious and large bulge in his jeans. 

You swallow thickly at the implication as his thumb brushes over your bottom lip, he’s so close and you’re out of reasons as to why this is a bad idea.

“Show me Jay,” you whisper against his lips.

His hold on your cheek is a little firmer as he presses his plump lips to yours, it’s like all of the air has been ripped from your lungs as your lips move against his effortlessly. The hand holding your cheek slips around to the back of your head and he grips your hair gently and tugs, deepening the kiss. You push your hands into his hair in an attempt to pull him closer, messing it up the way you like it. His tongue slips between your lips followed by a deep groan, the kiss quickly becomes a mess of tongues and teeth, until you’re forced to pull back for air.

Nervous excitement is bubbling under your skin as you wipe your red lipstick from his kiss-swollen lips with your thumb. You pull your dress over Jensen’s hand to hide it, which only gives him more confidence to move it higher, so his thumb is practically brushing over your damp panties.

You’re interrupted when a waiter turns up at your table and clears his throat, “Excuse me sir, sorry to interrupt but your transportation has arrived.” 

“Thank you, this should cover our tab.” Jensen smiles, handing over some cash. The waiter nods and gives his thanks. 

“Oh sir, I like it, it suits you.” You giggle as you both get out of the booth, Jensen scoffs but he’s smiling as he wraps his arm around your waist and you head out to the front of the Restaurant. 

You climb into the back of the taxi, while Jensen gives the guy your address before joining you in the back.

“How���re you doin’?” Jensen asks as the car starts moving, pulling one of your legs over his knee.

You scootch down the seat a little to give him more room to move his hand, “I’m good. Thank you for tonight, I had a great time.” 

Jensen bites his lip as his hand moves between your legs and pushes your dress higher, until he can reach the apex of your thighs, rubbing back and forth over the front of your increasingly wet panties. 

“It’s not over yet,” he smirks, his breath ghosting over your lips. You whimper as he pushes your panties to the side and his fingers slide teasingly through your slick.

“Fuck you’re so wet baby girl.” Jensen groans deeply, resting his forehead against yours as he eases two thick fingers inside you. 

You clench your teeth to stop from moaning, luckily the driver has the music on, so at least your heavy breathing is covered. You’re both lost in your own world as you look into his eyes, feeling yourself clenching around his fingers. There’s a knock on the partition and Jensen gives you a wink before pulling his hand free, “oh come on. You’ve got to be kidding me.” You grumble, voice thick with irritation, as he sucks those fingers between his lips and moans around them. You don’t know whether you want to kick him or kiss him.

Despite your protest Jensen pays the taxi and follows behind you once it’s driven away. When you finally manage to get the keys out of your bag, Jensen presses up behind you, moving your hair over one shoulder. You shiver as his lips move slowly over your neck, he takes the keys from you as your head falls back against his chest and he makes quick work of unlocking the door. 

The two of you stumble inside, giggling like a pair of teenagers, you barely have time to think before Jensen is backing you up against the same door you’d just closed.

“You sure you still wanna do this?” he questions as his fingers ghost over the zipper of your dress.

“Of course I am, I wanna know what your filthy brain has been coming up with.” You smirk confidently, the alcohol giving you the help you need. You grip both sides of his shirt and tug hard, sending buttons flying across the room. You can already see the way his eyes have darkened as he looks down at you.

“So, your bedroom or mine, sir?” 

Jensen starts pulling the zip down slowly, keeping his darkened green eyes focused on you, the anticipation of what’s to come has your heart thudding wildly in your chest. He’s being so gentle and slow, you’re waiting for what you know is to come, you’ve heard the way he’s made girls scream over the years and the thought has your stomach in knots.  

You swallow hard as he pulls his ruined shirt from his body and unbuckles his belt, tugging off his jeans and boxers, kicking them to one side. You can’t take your eyes off of him, unable to stop yourself from shamelessly checking him out, he’s fucking flawless, just as you’d expected. He looks just like you thought he would, but his cock is so much bigger than you would have dreamed. His voice soon pulls you from your ogling. 

“Why bother going upstairs? I could just fuck you right here, against this door.” Jensen muses with that deadly smirk as he lets the dress slip from your body and pool at your feet, his voice has taken that tone again which makes your entire body feel like it’s on fire.

You smile back, pushing your panties down and stepping out of them and your dress, you wrap your arms around his neck.

“Guess you’d better show me what you wanna do to me, huh Sir?” 

“You’re really enjoying calling me that, ain’t you sweetheart?” Jensen smirks, reaching down to pick you up. You giggle as you wrap your legs around his waist, feeling his hardness crushed between the two of you. Jensen lifts you just enough so that the head of his cock is pressing against your entrance, “this what you want baby?” he teases, letting the thick head of his cock push inside you. 

Your fingers push into his hair and you grip tightly, leaning your forehead against his. 

“Please Jay, Please. Fuck me.” You beg breathlessly against his parted lips. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to because as soon as the words pass your lips he sinks into you with one thrust. 

“Oh God, Jensen, fuck.” You gasp out, dropping your head back against the door as your hands grip his shoulders tightly, nails digging into his soft skin. 

Jensen stills inside you with a groan, fingers digging into your ass cheeks. You keep your eyes on his as you roll your hips against him. He’s so much thicker than you’d realised, stretching you out so much, it almost feels like he could break you at any moment if he wanted to. Your pussy hasn’t stopped clenching and fluttering around him. You can feel his cock already hitting spots nobody had ever managed to reach before. 

“So fuckin’ tight and wet for me baby girl. You want me to move? Make you come all over my cock?” 

His voice is deeper than you’ve ever heard it, “yes, move please. I need you so bad, wanna feel you.” You whine loudly, fully aware of just how desperate you sound, but you’ve never cared less about anything.

Jensen pulls out almost all the way, then that fucker smirks, before he snaps his hips forward, pulling a scream from your throat that makes him growl.

“Fuck. That’s my girl.” Jensen grunts before repeating his actions, your head makes a dull thud as it falls back against the door. The grooves of the door digging into your back as he picks up a hard and fast pace that has you speechless.

“Wanted to fuck you so bad in that bar, you felt so fucking soft, looked so sexy in that tight little dress.” 

“I wish you had,” you moan loudly, feeling his cock pulse inside you and your walls flutter around him. You’re so close to falling over that edge.

“Who knew you were such a dirty little girl, we’re gonna have so much fun together.” He half laughs, half groans into your neck.  

“Fuck Jay, I’m gonna come.” You whimper loudly, feeling your entire body beginning to stiffen around him.

Jensen grabs your leg and hooks it in the crook of his elbow, you cry out at the new angle, the tip of his cock is repeatedly slamming into your sweet spot. Your nails are digging into his shoulders as your eyes start to roll back.

“So fuckin’ sexy baby girl. Come on, you can do it. Want you to paint my fuckin’ cock white.”

That’s all you need to push you over the edge, your orgasm smashes into you hard, leaving you extremely glad that Jensen is holding you up against the door.

You can feel Jensen’s jaw repeatedly tensing against your shoulder as he swears under his breath. You feel his hips start to stutter and purposefully clench around him, pulling those perfect noises from his lips.

You press your lips against his ear and groan when his fingers dig tighter into your ass cheeks.

“Want you to come in my mouth, wanna lick you clean.” You all but purr, clinging to his biceps as he pauses and pulls back to meet your gaze.

“Fuck, Y/N. I’m close, you want it baby?” 

You feel your pussy clench around him at the mere idea of it and nod enthusiastically with your bottom lip between your teeth.

Jensen gently pulls his cock free of your pussy and lowers you onto your shaking legs. You smirk up at him as you drop to your knees at his feet. You lick your lips as he fists his cock and starts to pump it in his fist, he holds himself up against the door with his free hand. His eyes are focused on your face as your lips part and you lick them hungrily, leaning up a little higher you wrap your lips around the tip of his perfect cock, tongue flicking back and forth over the slit.

“Shit sweetheart, just like that.” He groans loudly, gently thrusting his hips deeper into your mouth, you moan around him tasting yourself on his cock is better than you could’ve imagined. His hand falls away and moves to grip the back of your head as you take every inch you can manage.

“That’s it baby girl, fuck Y/N. I’m gonna-” He’s cut off when a deep groan fills the room and his come shoots into the back of your throat.

You do your best to swallow every precious bit of it, licking along his shaft until you’re happy you got all of it. He practically drags you to your feet when you pull away and roughly presses his lips against yours.

You squeal as he suddenly throws you over his shoulder and smacks your ass.

“Jay! What the hell?!” You question still half laughing.

You can almost hear the grin in his voice as he makes his way towards the stairs, “I ain’t done with you yet baby girl, not after that! I didn’t even get to return the favour yet.”

You watch his tight ass move as he walks up the stairs with you in tow, realising you wouldn’t want to get out of this even if you could.

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[donnies-pop-tart]

OKAY STORY TIME

Took a vacay to Houston for the first time over the weekend, saw P!atD at the rodeo, it was dope, whatever.

We go to the fucking Galleria mall the next day, super fucking bougie like they got Prada and Louis Vuittan and shit we can’t afford literally anything except for Claire’s and Hot Topic. Anyway, we pass by this stupid expensive Armani type deal and they got this big ass poster in the front window with celebs wearing their suits - and one of them is Adam Driver, lookin SO GOOD so I gotta snap a pic.

My one friend tells her other friend “oh yeah that’s her mans, you know, he plays Kylo Ren in the new Star Wars.”

And this gray haired evil asshole twin of Jeff Goldblum lookin motherfucker sales associate has the AUDACITY to piddle around the front of the fucking store, pretend like he overheard our conversation (because just by the looks of us he knows we can’t even afford to shit in their bathroom) looks over his fitted suit jacket clad shoulder and smiles and says in this smug ass tone “oh, Darth Vader?”

Excuse me. Excuse me sir. Okay listen I know I’m generations younger than you and I’m also a girl and also pOOR bUT LET ME TELL YOU A FUCKING THING MY GOOD BITCH.

If you can’t even bother to remember that Darth Vader was fucking played and voiced by David Prowse and James Earl Jones respectively don’t come at me like you know your shit holy fuck Adam Driver’s character is two generations AFTER Darth Vader like what kind of bullshit are you playing at. Know YOUR generation of Star Wars before you try and teach me about MINE.

Fuckin ‘Darth Vader’ like what you see a pair of red lacquer bottomed stilettos and think ‘oh those are Louis Vuitton’ too? Christ.

[spacebeyonce]

good morning. I’m rested enough and I’ve had my coffee so now I can finally get into this.

so last night I saw tlj and it was, as previously stated, pretty underwhelming. but I’m gonna dive in and poke at shit that stuck out to me.

alright! quick and dirty let’s do it!

the good:

uhhhh fin looked beautiful as usual. and he was still so brave and ready to help the resistance out (albeit unwillingly but we’ll get into that) even though he just wanted to find rey and make sure she was okay.

finn and rose trashing the casino. it was very hard to warm up to rose, but her story about her and her sister’s childhood got to me. all that glitter and opulence and waste. the rich were like beautiful shiny parasites, and you had to look really hard past the shimmer to see all the life they were sucking out of everything. so them trashing the casino, just like rose wanted to, was a little satisfying.

I guess this is good if I thought it was hilarious but kylo killing snoke by using snoke’s shitty mind powers against him. seeing that kylo was going to use a saber and thinking it was going to be on rey when it was on him all along. that honestly took me the fuck out so I guess it’s good.

the finn vs phasma fight!!! it was beautiful and I was so glad to see finn take out one of the people who hurt him. let finn destroy all his abusers 2k17.

that finnrey reunion hug was pretty goddamn solid and wholesome and I smiled a lot when it happened. reunited and it feels fucking awesome.

and uhhhh that’s it. I had to work very hard to put at least more than two things that I liked.

so onto the bad:

lmao what wasn’t bad about this movie. but I’ll just do a few.

making rey focus on trying to redeem kylo was a fucking mess and kinda felt like character assassination. rey would’ve stayed focused on trying to kick that shitheel into a goddamn ravine, not redeeming him. I was so tired of hearing her say over and over that there was still some good in kylo, that he could still be turned. the first time she called him ben gave me an ulcer.

and since we’re on rey and kylo and their bullshit, what the fuck was that force connection shit going on. the first time it happened I felt a headache show up behind my eye and it didn’t leave. every time they connected and spoke through the force it got worse. it was honestly rather boring to endure and I definitely could’ve done without it.

finn getting sidelined was what I expected but still so fucking annoying. he barely had any part in this movie, which was jarring after going through tfa, where he played a pretty big part in everything in the movie. in here, he was just comedic relief, barely speaking anything but witty one liners with no character development to be found.

the fact that the little side mission that poe, rose, and finn had going on completely failed, and caused more harm than good. which uhhh super burned my ass but I’m gonna get into that a little more in a bit. but everything they did, trying to find a code breaker, breaking onto the FO starship, all of it failed, and so many people died because of it. it was frustrating because they were trying hard to help the resistance escape but in the end nothing really came of it.

that finnrose kiss was so dry. they barely had any good chemistry, and should just stick to being friends. they’d be better friends than lovers, and it was very hard to warm up to rose after how they introduced her to finn.

snoke as a whole was a rather underwhelming villain, which kinda sucked since they gassed him up so much in tfa. to have him be this weird lookin’ ass wrinkle in a chair that got cut in half with a quickness so we could make way for supreme leader kylo ren was uh. boring.

again, having to look at adam driver’s weirdly shaped torso was really very unfortunate. he’s a fucking weirdly shaped dude. I got nothing out of seeing his bare chest. my pussy has never been so dry. he’s a very unattractive man. please stop making me look at him. why couldn’t I see john boyega’s bare chest instead.

I could go on with the bad! but I won’t. instead let’s get into the ugly:

and GODDAMN was it ugly. major ugly points!

WOW how many times did the characters of color get hurt or degraded??? ESPECIALLY finn and poe, jesus christ.

introducing rose by having her taze finn so hard he slams into an opposite wall did not make me like her! people in my theater laughed while I flinched so hard my seat rocked a little. brutalizing the black man isn’t funny!! but every time finn got hurt people fucking laughed!!! when rose tazed him, when hux fucking slapped him, people laughed. good to know that black people in pain is hilarious to y’all! imma remember that y’all think humiliating and degrading black characters is so funny! thanks!

and speaking of finn, I’ve briefly spoken on this already, but rose saying he was a deserter and a traitor pissed me off. just ‘cause y’all think he’s a resistance hero doesn’t mean he’s signed on to be a part of the resistance. wanting to find rey and be safe doesn’t make finn a traitor.

for a moment, in tfa, finn’s interests aligned with the resistance’s, and so he helped out. he hasn’t agreed to be a part of the rebellion, a part of the war. and while finn and phasma’s fight was bitchin’, to have finn suddenly stand tall and declare he’s ‘rebel scum’, even though at the beginning of the movie he was ready to leave to try and find rey, was jarring. like they couldn’t have shown finn having thoughts about being part of the resistance or anything??? they couldn’t show finn making this choice on his own instead of being tazed or grabbed by the collar and dragged into it???

poe. jesus christ poe what did they do to you. making poe into this - this fuckin hot head who doesn’t listen to his higher ups in a shot for glory and heroism was horrific. that wasn’t who he was in tfa. poe’s not in the rebellion to get glory, he’s here to - to try and save people. to get the first order’s foot off of people’s necks so everyone can just breathe freely. to have him disrespect leia and holdo, undermining their authority at every turn was so disrespectful to watch. poe’s not some sexist firecracker but that’s what tlj made him into and it honestly hurt to look at.

watching him get stunned across the room into another wall by leia was also so ugly to look at, and made me flinch super hard once again while people in the theater laughed. so.

and SPEAKING OF CHARACTER ASSASSINATION, LET’S GET INTO THE BIGGEST ONE - LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER. I’ve never been so bitter.

making luke out to be someone who’d murder one of his own students - his blood - at the first sign of darkness or conflict was. wow. and it was especially ugly because it took the burden of kylo’s shitty choices away from him, and placed it onto luke’s shoulders. it was luke’s fault that kylo turned to the dark, it wasn’t his choice, luke pushed him, and kylo was just a scared little boy.

which is fucked. because in the previous movie, tfa was all about choices. finn and kylo were such huge narrative foils because at the heart of them it was about choices. finn, who was raised in the heart of the dark, stolen from his family and forced to be a soldier for a cause he didn’t really believe in, made the choice to not kill for the FO, to not want anything to do with them. kylo, raised in light, trained to be a jedi and keep the skywalker legacy going, chose, as a man, not some boy, to kill his peers and join the dark side. he chose to force himself into that mold to be the next vader.

and to say that he really didn’t?? and that the reason he went dark is because of luke?? it pissed me off. it’s still pissing me off!!! it was horrible!!! it took all the choice, all the blame away from kylo, and put it all on luke. and that’s pretty ugly.

luke dying was also fucking stank and I don’t give a shit how full of peace luke was. it was stupid. it was so ridiculous. I can’t properly describe how outraged I was, and still am, at luke just.....disappearing. just going away. I wanted luke to be a part of the resistance more, to meet the rest of the new trilogy people, and now I won’t ever get that and it’s frustrating. it was a weak bitch move. there was a lot more luke could’ve done. so this was just uhhhh. shit.

I’m sure there’s more I’m missing! but that’s what stuck out to me the most. so yeah! tlj kinda sucked. it sucked pretty bad actually. underwhelming at worst, forgettable at best. a solid 3/10. and that’s being generous.

[kylorensscar]

i dont get the point of stanning a greasy ass elf lookin fool like adam fuckin driver. have some tact, hun. he's a mediocre actor at best, and every time he opens his mouth in an interview, he sticks his foot in it. there are people more worthy of your praise than the literal slime ball that adam is

LMAOOOOOOOOO i want this tattooed on my eyeballs thank you for blessing me