#fuck. i. fuck. make me cry why don't you. holy shit

[jules-ln]

Ok you guys I went to sleep at 1 am and woke up at fucking 5 am to watch arcane so here are my thoughts/review:

After I finished it, first of all, I was mad lmao, then I thought about it for a moment and I started crying, but like ugly crying with sobs and everything because holy shit Jayce and Viktor, then I stopped crying, thought about it a bit more, and I got mad Again lmao

Now spoilers

It was a fucking mess lmao

Like seriously what the fuck fortiche, what the fuck Riot, it was such a fucking mess, it was all over the place, the story was rushed, the characters arcs were rushed, there was a lot of things that felt very forced because they didn't have time to let it happen naturally and I can tell a lot of things that would've been good were left in the inkpot

About Cait and Vi: I truly and honestly couldn't have care less about them lmao

I know I know

But I already fucking knew they were going to end up together that Vi was going to forgive Cait for being a fascist etc etc, for me their arc was already finished and I didn't have time to care about them because I was more worried about what the heck would happen to the other characters and how in hell would they wrap up that mess. If they would've cut all their scenes and gave that time to Mel or something, I would've been so fucking happy

Also, the sex scene annoyed me so much lmao, I was thinking "IF YOU WANTED A SEX SCENE YOU SHOULD'VE ADDED ANOTHER SEASON FORTICHE! WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT NOW!" lmao

Mel: I liked the concept of her arc, I like the theory, I can see their vision, what they were going for

But in reality it wasn't fucking that

Like, I like the idea of having Mel realize that she was much more than the daughter of her mother, that she had her own value for who she was instead of simply being the blood in her veins. But boy, it didn't feel at all like she realized that lmao

It just felt like she was "now I'm confident enough about myself to confront my mother because the writers said so" like what? This is what I mean when I say that a lot of things felt forced

Viktor: ok, ok I'm just like *heavy sigh*

To be honest part of why I was mad at first was Viktor's character, I was like "So what? You stop being a humanity loving pacifist to become a fucking control freak who hates free will and emotions just like that?" But then I thought about it, and if you frame his arc through Jayce, it actually made sense, because you see, everything he did was for Jayce. When he came back and went to build his cult, I mean, Commune, he was doing their hextech dream, the thing they always wanted, the thing Jayce always wanted

When Jayce went and rejected him by shooting him in the chest (thanks Jayce) he was hurt, he lashed out and wanted to get rid of all emotions, ironically it was a very emotional reaction. So then as soon as Jayce was back with him, he realized his mistake and stopped

So yeah, it makes sense, the problem is that I shouldn't have to stop and piece together a character motivation like that Fortiche what the hell. I know some people say "let the audience do some work!" But I feel like I'm doing all the fucking work here

What they did was great! Good! But just like Mel, give it more fucking time please

And the machine herald design was a bit ugly lmao, like his design in the game looks better, but thinking about it, and looking at the other robots design and how Viktor dresses in the series. I think it makes sense that this specific Viktor would design something like that

EDIT: Oh! I Also forgot to add:

My favorite scene of him was when Jayce was taking out all of those things one by one and Viktor waited until he was done to push them all back LMAO he didn't need to do that

Jayce:

Jayce, what the hell

Like, I understand why Viktor acted like he did, but like, what was up with you?

I mean, the end implied that he knew all along what was going to happen (machine herald, save Viktor etc), but like, why did he acted so angry at the commune then? He seemed so erratic and Angry like he didn't know what was going to happen, but he knew, and then he switched back to normal but like, what was up with all of what happened before? If anything, why didn't just he let Viktor get to the hexgate peacefully and then talk to him? Idk, it just seems to me like Jayce was the character the most affected by the crossfire of the plot happening because the writers had a very specific ending in mind and no time to get to that ending naturally

Also "hextech is bad" Then proceeds to let everyone keep using it lmao

Ambessa and Singed: of all the characters I think these one were the worst of all lmao

Like the plot completely changed Jayce and forced Mel, but like, these two just were put aside? Lmao

Everyone at Fortiche was like "Fuck Ambessa and Fuck Singed" which is a shame because these two were really interesting

Ekko and Jinx:

I think of all the other characters, these two were the best ones

I didn't feel like their arc was forced, it felt like they were given enough time, but you know why? Because their arc started in season 1, in this season they just finished it

The only thing I will complain about is Isha, because it just feels like they used her and completely discarded her after like a broken toy. Like Silco was waaay better handled than her

Heimmerdinger: I mean, I didn't care much about him lmao, he was only there because the plot needed him, and when he wasn't necessary anymore they got rid of him lmao

But it was less obvious than Isha at least

Viktor and Jayce: now, this is the part that got me fucking crying so much, and this along with Ekko and Jinx are the things that make me feel conflicted about this ending and not hate it as much as I would otherwise

It was all left ambiguous, and the cynical part of me thinks "of course they can't make it any more obvious because then the dude bros who main Viktor and Jayce in LoL are going to cry about how they don't want to play as a man who wants to kiss another man"

But if I take it at face value... Ngl guys, it was good

Like how Jayce chose Viktor after everything he did, how Viktor tried to push Jayce away to protect him but Jayce refused to leave, how all they wanted wasn't progress, or fame or power, but simply be together. And they got to be together in the end

Damn, I'm crying again

I JUST FUCKING WISH EVERYTHING AROUND IT WASN'T A MESS!

And I wanted to add, when everyone in Zaun went to help everyone in Piltover to deal with Ambessa, I wouldn't have done that, fuck them, they put a fucking fascist dictator on power, probably made a lot of people "dissappear" and just like that they are like "Guys, we're sorry, we need your help now :(" fuck that

In the end, it doesn't feel like Fortiche earned this ending. Season 2 should've ended with Arc 2, and Arc 3 should've been a whole season

And I can't give it a rating, because I don't know, I didn't like a lot of it, but there were some parts that I really fucking loved

But if someone asked me if it was worth to give the series a try, I would say yes, but don't get your hopes up for the ending lmao

[thisusedtobeafanpage]

Now that I've made my sane post about arcane I can rage and go insane in this one

obviously not spoiler free, and don't expect any coherent thoughts over here, I'm mostly gonna scream and ramble

dude. DUDE. jayce and viktor. holy fucking shit. oh my god. I dont even know what to say. their whole story is insane and making me lose my mind. Jayce saw all that happened if viktor went through with everything, and with ekko's help from breaking viktor out of it, HE MANAGED TO CONVINCE HIM TO STOP IT ALL. AND THEY DID. TOGETHER. GOD.

and since I've mentioned ekko I'm gonna go ramble about him now- he saved everyone, without him they would ALL be gone, and he could've died trying too like??? he wasn't playing

I paused the show for idk how long when he went over the 4 seconds, cause if he died not only would everything be fucked, but also I would've been torn to pieces.

but yeah ekko the man that you are I love you and im glad you at LEAST got to experience what could've been. specially with powder 😭😭😭

now - JINX DIED??? I CAN'T DEAL WITH THAT. WHY CANT SHE EVER BE HAPPY. AND SHE DIDN'T JUST DIE - SHE KILLED HERSELF, AND SHE WOULD'VE DONE THAT EARLIER IF EKKO DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME THINGY. I AM ILL.

despite that it might seem that I am mad at the ending they gave jinx, as I mentioned in my sane post, I am absolutely not. A bitter ending made perfect sense given the story and the tone of the show, and while in a perfect world this isn't how it would've gone, this incredibly depressing one seems sadly very fitting.

BUT FEELING LIKE THAT WILL NOT STOP ME FROM CRYING AND RAGING ABOUT IT.

[yourfourthparent]

I GOT TO THE FUCKING SCENE. WITH DAVID. I'M RUINED.

[homeless202]

I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~

I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?

first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question

i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.

TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)

deep dive under the cut as to why

-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?

i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.

-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?

this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.

when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.

think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.

and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).

-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??

this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).

what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)

they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.

...however...

this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)

and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):

so...

<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.

-

since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)

he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.

-

<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).

-

with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)

see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T

-

to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)

note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.

note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.

-> Romance in No Home?

another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.

from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk

when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.

exhibit A:

HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.

exhibit B:

here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.

exhibit C:

this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> what do i think?

first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).

as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.

there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.

technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)

<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.

all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.

[pa-pa-plasma]

i don't think i'll ever get over how people treat kids that aren't good in school as worthless no matter what. "oh it can't be that bad" my guy idk how to tell you this but the last time i went to a normal high school the principal called me into his office to brag about how he failed me in all of my classes before the semester was even finished & i should quit while i'm ahead cuz i'm too stupid ("officially" diagnosed as such by a school counselor & a psychiatrist!!) to succeed. & this is considered normal

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[erveinangel]

// Divergent Universe thoughts in tags.

[luvevee]

It's pretty annoying having to scan basically every artist for i/cest shit in any media that has siblings because most of them hide it on alt accounts/platforms/sly tags and that's a big reason why I'm too burnt out on reblogging art

[li-x1nyu]

how tartaglia reacts when you're drunk and don't recognize him

tartaglia x gn!reader

part 2 is now here

sfw, drunk reader, angst, some fluff, reader has been hurt in prev relationships

A/N: i don't usually post stuff like this hehe, idk what changed my mind to!! hope you enjoy🤭

You had told him if you didn't come home before 2, he should probably come pick you up.

"Hey, you're here!" Hu Tao beams at Tartaglia.

"Thanks for watching them," he grins and gestures to you sitting at the counter.

"Yeah, dude, of course."

Tartaglia stares at you for a little while. He still can't get over how pretty you are, the curve of your nose, the ways your eyes kiss in the corners. Your hair looks surprisingly neat for someone who's drunk. Your expression is distant, finger trailing along the edge of the glass. You seem to be drinking vodka? He thought you didn't like vodka.

Sliding an arm around your shoulders, he leans to whisper in your ear, "Hey, pretty, you ready to go?"

You leap back into the present.

Looking puzzled, you push his arm off of you, saying, "Please don't call me that."

He blinks, a ghost of a smile still on his face. "Haha... what?"

Their faces mirror each other in confusion.

"I'm not going home with you, I have a boyfriend," you say, turning back to the half filled glass.

It clicks in Tartgalia's head, and a teasing grin forms. "A boyfriend, huh? Can I fight him for you?"

"You'd lose," you reply flatly, deadpan.

Dropping himself into the seat next to you and propping up his cheek, he says, "Tell me about this boyfriend of yours."

He watches his lover's expression brighten, like you forgot the entire exchange that just happened.

"Oh, he's the sweetest," you gush immediately. "And he makes me laugh so much, and he's so lively and good with people, but he's so hardworking and stubborn and, ugh, he's so beautiful. How is it possible to be so beautiful?"

His heart is about to explode all over Hu Tao's kitchen counter. His mind can't believe it, he's the reason your face is a beautiful, dreamy, rambling mess.

And you're not done. "I don't deserve him," you say, "I wish I could do something for him, but he always says I don't have to."

Because you don't have to, my dove, Tartaglia thinks. You're doing more than enough already.

Your expression suddenly snaps. "Shit. I'm a terrible person. I need to go home."

Tartaglia snaps out of his own trance in alarm. "Why?"

"He's at home now, and I'm out here getting wasted." You rub your face and search for your bag and phone.

"Woah, hey, you're drunk," he holds you by the shoulders, "I'm taking you home."

"Just because you're literally gorgeous doesn't mean you get to touch and take home random people!" You smack his hands off of you, again. Tartaglia's not sure if he should cry or laugh.

You cover your mouth in surprise at your own words. "Holy fuck, I'm a terrible person," you whisper. "Am I allowed to call someone who isn't my boyfriend gorgeous?"

He's convinced alcohol makes your brain overthink twice as fast as it usually does.

He also thinks it's a dumb question. Have I given them the impression they can't speak their mind?

He thinks it's okay. "Of course you are," he tells you instead, frowning. "He's not a good boyfriend if you have to be allowed to do something."

"No, he's a great boyfriend!" you say instantly. "I just-" You cut yourself off with a sigh and chew on your fingernail. There's a loud thumping in his heart as he waits for you to continue.

"I never know about these things," you say finally. "I feel like he never really tells me how he truly feels. I don't know if there's something I do that actually bothers him. And I'm..." You rub your nose bridge. "I'm scared to ask."

Tartaglia is quiet for a long moment. What he has cleverly deduced from this is that his lover is scared of him. All pride he'd felt earlier from making you swoon is now replaced by a sick feeling of self hatred.

"Maybe there's just nothing you do that really bothers him," he suggests softly, trying to lighten the mood.

Your expression turns glum. Fuck, was that the wrong thing to say? He mentally kicks himself.

"That can't be right," you sigh. "When I have nightmares, he always wakes up to comfort me. I'm pretty sure that pisses him off. And he always says it's okay too, but-" you blink rapidly, like blinking away tears. Tag winces.

"But then he... he takes longer in the shower, adds more caffeine to his coffee. And- and he'll eat less of the breakfast I make him."

"Oh," he says smartly, running out of things to say. He should've paid more attention to the little things, knowing that of course you would.

You shake your head and squeeze your slightly glassy eyes shut. After mumbling to yourself, "stop oversharing to strangers" twice, you put the cork back in the vodka bottle and set your glass in Hu's sink after pouring it down the drain.

"Anyway," you turn to him when you're done, "goodnight, I guess. Thanks for listening?"

"I'll walk you home," he offers again, softly.

You hesitate. Of course you hesitate.

"You're drunk," he reminds you. "I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind as long as you get home safe."

You give in. You let him put his coat around your shoulders, but you don't put your hands through the sleeves.

Halfway home, you just stop walking.

"Love?" Tag tilts his head at you. "Darling, what's wrong?"

You blink a few times. "Tartaglia?"

He grins. "Yes, hi. You recognize me now?"

You blink again. Then a smile starts to spread, and you forget the reason for your daze. You put your arms into the sleeves of his coat. "Yes," you say sheepishly. "Hey, you."

A hand is held out for him to hold.

Their talk can wait for next morning.

sorry if tartaglia is a little ooc! thank you for reading 🫶 might post a part two where he comforts you about it?

[pbnbucks]

Paige x fem x nika

So let’s say that fem gets a boyfriend and both of them get jealous and the boyfriend cheats on fem and Paige and Nika comfort her and it ends up in smut of them being possessive and trying to prove to fem that she should be with them and not him

word count : 734

warnings : sorta angsty, cheating barely, cussing, filthy smut

summary : nikas tired of your boyfriend and she thinks you guys need a break

“oh sweet girl im so sorry” the blonde says rubbing your back as the 2 girls try and comfort you “i mean i dont know why he would do that” nika rolls her eyes as she seen tears roll down your face for the past 2 hours

“and i dont know why you would stay with him and forgive him” paige gives nika a ‘stop it’ look as your face completely goes emotionless at her comment as she leaves no sympathy for you.

“nika i don’t even want to here it right now” your comment makes her angry at how naive you are about the situation. “no i dont want to hear you crying about him when you now theres so much better out there” she says as she was ignoring everything you where ranting about to paige

“he said he was sorry…” she sits down right in front of you with a stern look on her face “he’s not sorry i can promise you that, let me and paige show you what sorry really is.”

she says as you both move your head to look over at paige “how?” paige smirks at your confused innocent look “like this baby” paige softly pushes you onto the bed as her finger slips under you waist band looking up at you asking for consent with her eyes and you nod your head as nika works with removing your shirt massaging your breast.

you whine at the the feeling as the to girls are concerned on how to please you, you feel the cold air hit your slick making paige coo

“look how wet you are and we haven’t even touched you yet” paige teases. “such a sweet girl for us” nika chimes in with a strap now on her body as she aligns herself with you entrance slowly pushing in, while paige finds her way to your breast massaging one and sucking on the other one.

the work of the two girls make the most pornographic moans leave your mouth as paige hums in response feeling pride from her work.

"Quiet. We don't wanna get caught now, do we?" nika coos as her hand covers your mouth muffling your moans adding a response “even though i wish i could listen to your pretty noises all night long baby” her other hand begins to circle your clit while paige uses her talented mouth to form hickeys all over your chest making your stomach turn forming a knot.

“such a good girl” paige praises at your skill to remain quiet. “fuck- im gonna cum” you plea as the croatian speeds up trying to rush you into release.

“thats it baby, cum all over my cock” she begs once your release comes crashing down as your liquids spill all over her strap and the bed, as paige now covers your mouth once the moans begin to leave your mouth hushing you.

nika helps you ride out your high as she slowly removes the strap from your now sensitive body, paige makes her way to your pussy instantly sucking on your clit while adding two fingers into your wet hole as she wastes no time letting go you adjust to her.

“fucking love this pussy” she speaks sending vibrations through your core as your hands grip the bed sheets.

nika makes her way to your jawline placing sloppy kisses massaging your left nipple. her tongue flicks over your sensitive bud as she bring her arm over your waist pressing you down into the bed.

“you want a taste nika?” paige pops her head up waiting for nikas response as nika goes onto her knees as they both pick up the pace both making their assault on your puffy clit as paige’s lanky fingers slip in and out of you making filthy noises leave your hole.

“fuck fuck fuck im so fucking close” your legs begin to shake and squirm as nika holds your waist down. the knot forms getting tighter and tighter as the girls praise your body movements into release.

“holy shit” the girls both say in unison is you were now squirting on their tongues every bit of release you had left making your body shutter at the contact. the get every last bit of cum you had left as nika comes up to your ear as she whispers sweat nothings in your ear “such a pretty girl”

[starringthesturniolos]

baby it's cold outside - chris sturniolo

summary: you are forced to share the air mattress with your long time enemy, chris, on a camping trip.

"Since you two wanted to argue the whole way up, you guys get to share a tent together. Yay!!", Matt says while jumping up and down in fake excitement.

On the way to the camp site, Chris and I did argue a lot. But in my defense, the idiot kept pushing my buttons! He kept turning my least favorite songs on and blasting them at full volume so I couldn't sleep. When we stopped at 7/11 he grabbed the last of my favorite drink and gulped it down in front of me. When we finally arrived, he dumped all my heavy bags on the ground and laughed at me struggling to pick them up. It was like he was asking to get yelled at, or like he wanted me to be mad at him.

"No, Matt please!" I grab onto his arm desperately. "I'm sorry but please don't make me stay with him!"

Matt rolls his eyes at me and folds his arms over his chest. "Would you rather sleep outside then?" I scoff and shoot a glare towards Chris who isn't standing too far behind Matt. "Yeah, sounds about right."

"Sleep outside then. That's fine by me, princess." Chris sneers responding to my comment while turning his back on me to set up his tent. I take three deep breathes and close my eyes. I am not going to let this idiot keep getting under my skin. I stomp away from Matt and Chris over to the log Nick was sitting on and he laughs at me.

"Well hello, Mrs. Grumpy"

"Oh shut up" you sigh.

I plop my bag down on the floor, my chest heaving from hauling ass. I had to carry my heavy bags all the way from where Chris dropped them earlier today to the tent. He was laying all comfortable in his set up of blankets and the sight alone pissed me off.

"Thought you were sleeping outside tonight. Is it because you're scared of the animals, princess?" he sneers out the nickname like I'm more of an ogre than a princess. Why is he always so fucking annoying.

"Leave me alone, and I leave you alone. I'm going to bed. I'm tired and I'm not here for the bullshit." I say as I reach into my bag for my sleeping bag. My sleeping bag. Holy shit.

"Shit, shit, shit" you dump out your bag and see no sleeping bag in sight. Its cold out and the thought of sleeping without any covering made a shiver crawl down your spine.

"What is it now??" Chris sits up and turns the flashlight on in an exasperated manner. You sigh deeply. "It's nothing, go to bed Chris." He shrugs and lies down again, turning his back to me. I didn't need to give him another reason to tease me tonight. I flop on the ground on the opposite side of the tent from him and curl up into a ball. I can feel myself shivering but I try to ignore it.

Thinking back on when I first met the triplets in 3rd grade, I remember how cute I thought Chris was. I met Nick and Matt on the bus ride home from school one day when Chris was sick. The next day, me, Matt, and Nick were playing tag at recess when Chris walked out with a doctors note in hand. He walked over to his brothers and my heart skipped a beat. Immediately, Nick and Matt went to introduce me. "Chris! This is-" before Nick could even finish his sentence, Chris was already talking. "Well, isn't she a looker" he chuckles sarcastically while looking down at me, clearly judging me. I also looked down at my two loose braids and hand me down clothes and sigh. "Am I really that ugly" I thought to myself. I knew I probably shouldn't have let a boy that I hardly knew opinion get to me, but the tears came nonetheless." I wanted him to like me" you thought to yourself, wallowing in self pity. I was cut out of my trance when Chris started to laugh sporadically. "What? What is it?" I mutter looking at Chris and then too Matt and Nick who look embarrassed by their brothers rude antics. "Nothing, nothing. Its just... You're even uglier when you cry!" he starts laughing even harder. I felt myself start to shake from embarrassment and anger. Who did he think he was. "Your mean!" I stomped my foot which only made him laugh harder. I couldn't take anymore harassment in one day, and turned on my heel and ran away with Nick and Matt right on my heels.

After all these years he still hasn't changed. "Y/N, HELLO!!" Chris yells bringing me back to the present. "What?".

"Where the fuck is your sleeping bag?" he asks. I sit up from where I was laying to face him. He was now laying down with his body faced in my direction.

"Oh my God, clearly not here or I'd be using it, dumbass." I roll my eyes and go to lay back down.

"Lose the attitude and come stay in the bed with me" he mutters before I can return to my balled up position. My mouth flys open. Since when did he care if I was cold or not. "Wait, what?" I say in shock.

"Get the fuck up and come here. Nick and Matt will punch me in the throat if you catch a cold." he says nonchalantly as if it's normal for people that hate each other to share a bed. I roll my eyes again. I'm not sharing a bed with an asshole, even if it causes me to freeze to death. "No thanks" I scoff, preparing to lay back down again.

He sighs exasperated and moves from his comfortable position in his blankets. He stands up and starts walking towards me. I feel my throat start to tense up. "What are you doing?" fear creeping into my tone. Once he reaches me, he grips underneath my thighs with one hand and tries to support my back with the other. Desperately, I try to wiggle out of his grasp but too no avail. I am in his arms in no time. It takes everything in me to not sink into his warm chest. I didn't realize how cold I was until this exact moment. Suddenly I start to panic again when he starts to walk because I have no idea where he's taking me. Then I think of the worst. "Are you seriously gonna throw me out the tent. Come on Chris, do you really hate me that much??"

He stops moving entirely and he looks down at me. God the way he looks looking down at me is enough to be in any girls dream. Too bad he's just a big dickhead. "You weren't listening to me. So now I'm forcing you to stay with me on the air mattress." he pauses before continuing, almost like he doesn't want to say what he's going to say next. He sighs and continues on, "You were shivering really bad while you were in La La land. I didn't want you too freeze anymore." He had a glimmer of concern in eyes when he said it and that's all it takes for me to believe him. I hate the way my cheeks warm up from the honest confession. It meant he cared, and it shouldn't matter to me but it does.

He starts to walk again, seeing I had no response and plops me down on the mattress. He flops down right beside me, and even though it's warmer with the blankets, it's not enough. Another shiver racks through me. "Y/n??" Chris doesn't even try to hide the concern in his voice. "Do you need me closer? Will that help?" he looks at me waiting for my call. The thought of Chris getting close to me is enough to make my head spin. And as much as I wish being in Chris' arms would repeal me, it doesn't. Instead I feel my heart skip a beat like they did all those years ago. Get it together Y/n.

"Yes" I whisper. Chris doesn't need to be told twice and he pulls me impossibly close to his body. He grabs my thigh and puts it around his waist and then pulls my head into his chest. All I can sense is him. Instead of it annoying me, I lean into his scent and his warmth. In my heart I know that even if it was the hottest night of all time, I'd still enjoy being wrapped in him like this. And I hated myself for it. I melt into his arms and feel myself getting lulled to sleep. Just as I'm about to fall asleep I feel his lips graze my hair. " I could never hate you, angel, not in a million years. I'm sorry". And with those words, I fall asleep in his arms.

Send in request, I could always use some more inspo

Love, Mya

[kpop---scenarios]

Day Four: Jisung

Pairing: Han Jisung x Reader

Warning: Just smut, you know.. smut [18+ MINORS DO NOT READ]

Wors Count: 1k

Day One: Felix | Day Two: Jeongin | Day Three: Changbin |

“Oh my fucking god, Y/N, I need some inspiration.” Han tells you over the phone. “I'm trying to work on this beat for a rap I want to do, but damn I'm having a hard time.”

“I know nothing about beats.” You start. “But I can bring you supper if you'd like.”

“Yes please. I have a feeling it's going to be a late one today.” He sighs.

With that, you hang up the phone and head over to his favorite restaurant, grabbing his favorite meal and then heading over to the JYP building.

“My savior.” Han sighs, seeing you walk in with just what he wanted.

“Any luck so far?” You ask, leaning against the mixing board.

“None.” He groans, looking over at you. He notices immediately how your skirt has ridden up your thigh, showing off more of your leg. He clears his throat, looking at the supper you brought him. You bend over, to scratch your leg, and he can't help but look back over at you just to see your slightly low cut shirt hanging down, your breasts showing.

Fuck. He wasn’t hungry anymore. He didn't even want to eat his food.

“Why aren't you eating?” You ask, looking at him, looking at you a certain way.

“Cause I'm not hungry for that anymore.” He says, slipping off his jacket. He moves the food to a different place, walking back to you.

“What are you hungry for then?” You wonder, watching him walk closer to you.

He looks at you, smirking. He grabs his chair, pushing it back and out of his way.

“You.” He says pulling you towards him. “I wanna eat your pussy.” He turns you around, bending you over the soundboard. His sudden aggression was so fucking hot. You're desperately waiting for what he was about to do. You can feel him lift up your skirt, yanking your panties down to pool them around your ankles. He takes his foot, kicking your own foot to spread your legs before he drops to his knees.

You're panting as you feel his breath so close to your pussy. You feel his head between your legs kissing your lips, gripping your inner thighs as he moves his tongue around.

“Holy shit.” You groan. In all the time the two of you had been fucking around, he had never eaten you out like this. He moves his tongue up, flicking your clit with the tip, making your knees buckle. He moves away from your clit, moving his tongue all along your folds, and to your hole, sticking his tongue in as far as he can.

“Jesus.. fuck.” You cry out, your hands trying to grip anything, anywhere on the board. You're panting loudly as he sloppily moves his entire mouth around your cunt. It was like nothing you'd ever experienced before.

He removes his mouth from you, it's cold. “Why?” You pant. “Why did you stop?” You whine.

“I want you to cum all over my face.” He says, latching his mouth back onto you. Who were you to say no?

“Just.. fucking like that.” You cry out. “Yes, yes.” You groan, your legs are shaking as his fingers dig deeper into your thighs. Your orgasm is coming on fast. He licks, and sucks you all over, you can't hold it in anymore.

“Fuck, I'm cumming.. shit I'm cumm…” You pause as it hits you, making you cry out loudly. “Oh my god.” You breathe.

You continue to lay on the soundboard, trying to catch your breath and you hear Han behind you, and the sound of him dragging the zipper of his jeans down. “Please fuck me.” You whine, already knowing full well that's what he was going to do. He leans over, laying his body on yours as his lips brush against your ear. “Make sure you're loud, baby.” He whispers before he rams his cock inside of you without warning.

“Ah, fuck!” You scream as he takes no time to ease himself into you. Instead he fucks you as hard as he can right off the bat. You're moaning so loud, you're sure the entire floor could hear you but right now you just don't care.

“That's right, scream for me. Fuck your cunt is so wet.” He spits. He moves his hand around your throat squeezing as he rams his cock into you at a quick pace. As he chokes you, his other hand grabs onto your ponytail, yanking it back, making you arch more into it, allowing him to shove his cock in deeper inside you.

“Please.. please can I cum?” You ask, his hand moves from your throat, grabbing onto your hip as he grunts, picking up the pace of his thrusts.

“Cum all over my cock baby.” He groans. With that, your second orgasm hits so hard, pulsating through your body. He lets go of your hair, you fall forward back onto the board as he uses his other hand on your other hip, holding on tightly as he works desperately for his orgasm.

“Where..fuck.” He pauses as you squeeze your pussy around him. “where do I cum?” He grunts. “You keep doing that, I'm gonna cum inside you.”

“Do that.” You pant. “cum in my pussy, fill me up with your cum.”

“so fucking hot.” He groans, digging his finger tips deep into your hips as he cums, just as hard as you, shooting his load deep inside your pussy. You both remain still for a moment, until he pulls out of you, pulling his pants. He kneels down, pulling up your panties, noticing his cum seeping out from inside you.

“Leave it in there.” He smirks as he pulls up your panties. He helps you walk over to the couch, your legs feeling like jello. “the guys will be here in 5 minutes, and that's so fucking hot to think about.” He finishes, sitting down at the board that he just fucked you on. He pushes a few buttons and the sounds of your moans play over the speakers. He grins as he turns back to look at you.

“That's the inspiration I needed.” He smiles, just as four men walked into the studio.

“What's that smell I'm smelling?” Chan asks, looking between you two. You hide your face, not knowing what to say.

“That's the smell of success, man.” Han grins.

[luveline]

I would love the reader flinching during a fight blurb (I think u did it with James and Steve) but with eddie! Only if u want of course

thank u for ur request, hope this is okay, 1k fem!reader

cw mentioned past abuse/abusive situation, please read with care!

Eddie doesn't do anything to provoke your reaction, obviously, and if he did it would've been accidentally. He only raises his voice and puts down his keys too hard at the same time on the table, barely looking at you as the argument reaches a crescendo. 

The sound catches you off guard. Your arms leap in toward your chest and your head turns to the side, defending yourself from a blow that would never come from him. Nausea floods your system, and no sooner have you flinched than you're covering your mouth to smother it. 

"Holy–" Eddie takes a step back initially, but he quickly closes the space between you to take your elbow. You force your arm out of his grip. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?" 

"I thought you were gonna throw your keys at me," you start to explain, reaching for him. "I–"

"I would never do that." 

"I know," you say, blinking and straightening up your hunched back, "that's not– I know you wouldn't, but the noise…" 

"Sorry," he says tightly. 

You take a deep breath and feel embarrassment like a rushing wave hit you, ice cold, your hands covering your face for a moment to get air in right. You peek at him through your fingers. "No, I'm sorry," you say, "what were you saying?" 

"It really doesn't matter. Were you scared of me?" he asks, sounding terrified. 

"No. I mean– I mean," —his expression dampens further at your stammering— "I flinched because it was loud." 

"You said you thought I was going to throw my keys at you–" 

"Because I did think that. It was only for a second." 

"Somebody chucked shit at you enough you started expecting it?" Eddie asks, his terror melded into something much worse. He frowns at you, an imploring pinch to his eyebrows as he rubs your upper arm. 

"Eddie, I don't wanna talk about it." 

"You don't?" he asks. 

"Why would I want to talk about that? It's so fucking embarrassing." 

Eddie takes your arms into both hands gently. "Pause on our fight. Or forget it." He ducks his head to meet your eyes, his lashes like half diamonds, long and dark and emphasising the browned honey colour of his irises. "It's not embarrassing. It's not embarrassing. I'm sorry it felt like I could throw them at you, but I wouldn't." 

"I know." You sound more annoyed than he deserves. 

"Yeah?" he asks gently. 

You try to calm down. Chill out. "I know you wouldn't. It wasn't like that, it's just 'cos we don't fight and it was instinctive. Like a yawn." 

Heartbreak blossoms on his face. You hate it at first, thinking he feels sorry for you, but then things slow. Your heart rate, your adrenaline. For the first time since you started arguing a few minutes ago, breath comes easily to you. Eddie waits for your cue, his hands sliding down to take a loose hold on your fingers. 

It shouldn't be instinctive to expect pain during a verbal disagreement. His face says as much.

"I swear, sweetheart, I wouldn't," he murmurs. 

You start to cry when you realise you believe him. Of course you know he wouldn't, but you could've said that before about someone else. And he's asking you if you wanna talk about it like you should, and you say you don't but of course you do —you want him to tell you it'll never happen again. That it was undeserved. 

Eddie's rough around the edges but his hands are always nice. He sews your fingers between his and squeezes weakly. 

"Somebody threw stuff at you?" he asks, eyes darting down your cheek, following a heavy tear.

"It's okay," you say. 

"I'm supposed to be telling you that. Shit, c'mere." He pulls you in for a hug. "This is okay, right? I don't wanna make you feel worse." 

"It's fine." You sniffle into his shoulder. "It's fine, I don't know why I'm upset." 

"I thought you were gonna throw up, baby. I didn't mean to make you feel like that, I shouldn't have started shouting. I wouldn't have. If I knew, I wouldn't have. I shouldn't have." 

You cling tighter. 

"Sorry," he says, kissing your forehead, his voice all closed up like he's upset. 

You shudder as you inhale, your body's attempt at regulating, and press your nose into his neck until it hurts. If it hurts him, he doesn't say, but you readjust in case it does. 

"What happened?" Eddie asks. 

"It's shitty, Eds. You don't wanna hear it." 

"Yeah, I do. Anything that happened to you that warrants that sort of reaction is something I want to know about, not just 'cos I have tires I need to slash–" He audibly winces. "Or, like, an angry letter to write." 

"You can slash tires. It's not like that, I don't think you're violent, baby." 

"Good. I wanna know what made you feel that way because that's stuff that happened to you, and I love you. I don't want you carrying that by yourself. And," —he drops his cheek toward his shoulder, smiling At you tentatively— "I don't ever wanna make you flinch again." 

"It's not your fault." 

"It's not yours, either. None of that shit was your fault." 

Eddie rubs your back until it feels weird, your skin almost raw under the constant back and forth, but it's a steadying touch that you don't want to go without. You tell him the gist of things without crying anymore, and if you need to do it with your eyes pressed to his shoulder he doesn't say a word. 

He has some assurances to make you. How loved you are. How the last thing in the world you deserved was a raised hand. You've never heard him speak that sincerely for that long, but you need every word. When you think he might get sick of comforting you, he props you on the couch. 

"Tell me if I'm being too much," he says, wrapping you up in a one-sided hug. 

You feel safe and sound under his arm, pressing a kiss to a blown out tattoo. "Not too much," you murmur. 

Eddie pulls your head to his lips for a peck nestled lovingly beside your eyebrow. 

[tinylilacbun]

Little!reader lost her lovey and daddy!john b or papa!jj your choice :p hands her his shirt as a new comfort object

Comfort Replacement

Pairing: daddy!john b x little!reader x papa!jj

Warnings: age regression, losing a comfort item, fluff

A/n: Why not both!! (We're gonna ignore that the shirt in the picture is a Harry Styles one 😭)

You have a few stuffed animals already collected over the years but there's one particular that you just can't live without, it's a Lovey, who is clearly well loved and definitely looks like it too.

It has a special place in your heart since you got it when you were a toddler. Wherever you sleep it would be held in your hands or within arm reach.

So it's a shock to you when you can't find him in John B's bed, now looking everywhere in the Chateau for it frantically.

"Whoa, what y'doing there?" JJ asks with a yawn, running a hand through his bed hair.

You just keep rushing around, not acknowledging him and whine when he wraps his arms around your waist from behind, pulling you against him to kiss your cheek. "What's up with you, hm?"

With a sigh you relax against him, a frown on your face. "Can't find ma lovey..."

Oh shit. That's not good, not at all. JJ and John B know how attached you are to it, so the mere thought of you losing it has JJ already tensing up, already dreading the emotional rollercoaster you will most definitely go through.

JJ let go of you again when John B came inside and you instantly crashed into his chest, sniffling quietly.

"Hey, what happened? Was JJ mean again?" He asks and JJ looks at him baffled.

"Dude, seriously?"

John B just smirks, rubbing your back and looking down, his heart aching at how upset you seem. "C'mon, tell daddy what's bothering you."

"Lovey s'gone..." You mumble into his shirt, not seeing the way he looks at JJ with wide eyes who nods his head, his lips pressed into a thin line.

"Oh, he's probably just hiding. Don't worry, we'll find him, bun." He promises, pressing a kiss to the top of your head.

Sure to his words, you all spend a good amount of time searching for your Lovey. The rest of the day the boys managed to keep you entertained enough for you to not think about your stuffie missing.

But that all vanished the second it was time for bed. John B and JJ have a difficult time getting you ready to sleep. You simply can't and won't sleep without your comfort item, making that painfully clear.

You keep whining and at some point even start crying, rubbing your eyes tiredly but refuse to fall asleep.

They stand beside the bed, not knowing what to do. JJ has his arms crossed while John B has his hands in his hips. The blonde goes to sit down beside you, grabbing your bunny and holding it out to you.

"Look, cupcake, the bunny is just as good." He tries to calm you down, nuzzling the bunny's nose with yours, sighing when you pull away shaking your head.

"S'not Lovey." You sniffle.

"Yea, I know but-" He starts again but John B cuts him off by grabbing the bunny, suddenly taking his shirt off and putting it over the stuffie. "Oh, okay."

Youe crying stopped, instead tilting your head at the brunette with a confused look.

"Take your shirt off." He addresses JJ, who didn't question his best friend and quickly takes it off, handing it to him. John b approaches you with a soft smile. "Hands up, bubba."

You reluctantly obey, lifting your arms over your head as he grabs the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head and changing it with JJ's shirt instead.

"There, now lay down, trust me." He says, giving you your bunny that now wears his shirt.

You huff but lay down, snuggling the bunny and the mixed scent of JJ and John B has your eyes finally drooping shut, exhaustion taking over you.

"Holy shit." JJ whispers, looking at John B who has a smug expression on his face. "You're a fucking genius."

John B just shrugs, patting his back. "Y'know you should really listen to Pope's rambling, they save your life in situations like these."

Taglist

For everything:

@my-river-lilly @pauntedblacknails @fanfictioniseverything @devilslilbabysblog @buckymydarlingangel @hallecarey1 @daybreakwinter @loveshineslikethesky @wandaslittlewhore @vase-of-lilies @white-wolf1940 @simpingbutch @mischiefsemimanaged @alina02 @teddybearsgrr @doozywoozy @angelbabydoll28 @glxwingrxse @lilymurphy03 @veryvaughnny @lokigirlszendaya @youngstarfishdinosaur @little--baby--bear @minideathgoddess @rach2602 @gh0stgurl @flourishandblotts-inc @lovelyy-moonlight @yoruse

@mythixmagic @iris-xoxo-juhu

For JJ:

@chiaraanatra @chimindity @flora-eva

[webslingingslasher]

https://www.tumblr.com/webslingingslasher/721605644038389760/pregnancy-scare-with-fratpeter-what-would-he-do?source=share

Is there ever a pregnancy scare after they're in the girlfriend phase?

*cleaning out my drafts. mentions of pregnancy and a slight suggestion of abortion.*

you groan at the gentle shake you're receiving and you shrug it off while half awake. you're unbelievably tired and the small window of rest you got wasn't enough.

'trouble? c'mon, get up.' peter's hand comes down rough on your backside, you whine and roll over. 'but i'm sleepy-eepy.' the warmth of peter's bed is ripped away from you, he's holding the blanket in his hands.

'now i'm cold.' and while it's not peter's fault and he's only doing what you asked, you feel a little frustrated at the knowledge of not being able to go back to sleep.

'if you get up now, i'll shower with you. ten, nine, eight, seven... that's my girl, super proud of you.'

you might've woken up grouchy, but peter set your mood right in the shower and now you keep giving his arm little kisses. 'my handsome man.' peter speaks into your hairline, 'it's just a white shirt, you heathen.'

you softly dig your teeth into the thick of his bicep while his aunt has her back turned mixing up a side salad. you pull back without a trace and talk into his skin. 'and my man looks so yummy in it.'

'see? that nap energized you more than you thought.'

'that or your precious mouth and nice way you use it on me.' peter gives you a charming smile. 'you're on a roll tonight, trouble.' you wrap your arms around his and give a final mark, it's time to be a smidge respectful in his childhood home.

peter breaks away to refill your wine glass and top may's off. you thank him with a small kiss, may thanks him by asking him to grab rolls from the oven.

---

there's a positive pregnancy test in your shaking hands. each time you blink it becomes more and more clear, you clutch your stomach as if you already had a month nine belly.

'fuck.'

what are you supposed to do?

tears fall fast, they hit your palms and positive test before you look around the bathroom. why are you alone? where's peter? you think of your boyfriend, you think of how royally fucked this makes things.

call it selfish but you wanted peter all to yourself for a few years and now you're jumping forward a hundred steps. 'fuck.' this isn't fair to either of you, you don't have it figured out yet.

you stare at the test one more time, you need to be sure. you close your eyes and count to ten, no matter how many times you try, the answer doesn't change.

'holy fucking shit, i'm-'

about to piss your pants. you fly up from the bed lightning fast, hightailing it to peter's bathroom before holding your head in your hands. you're drowsy and reminding yourself it was just a dream, but it felt so real.

but, no, just a dream. it's a dream because you're not pregnant. you just had your period... you just had it... it's only been... your stomach drops, why can't you remember? in four seconds you are wide, wide awake and you're going for your phone on peter's nightstand.

it's three in the morning and you haven't had a period in at least five weeks.

'peter, get up.' you're not soft spoken or gentle, you're full of terror and he's about to be too. you push at his arm roughly, it stirs him just enough you could break through the sleep.

'peter, get up right now.' a slow whine, you're not playing and his stubbornness is about to have you wake up the entire apartment complex. 'get the fuck up, peter.'

you're mean but it's the only thing stopping you from going full blown psycho and curling into a screaming, crying ball on his floor.

'peter,' you rush out his name one more time, this time he responds.

'what’s go-‘

'i think i'm pregnant and i'm about to freak the fuck out and i really, really need you to keep me from doing that right now.' it hits all at once, you try to breathe but you can't. it's peter's turn to fly up from the bed, he only goes as far as he needs to wrap you in a tight hug.

'trouble,' the name makes you sob, you really are trouble. 'shh, you're okay, we're okay.' it's not fair of peter to hold you calmly as if he's not scared shitless himself. 'we're so fucked, peter. i ruined everything.'

your mind is spinning and your boyfriend is keeping you grounded. 'nothing is ruined, nothing is fucked. we're okay, i promise we're okay.' no, peter's not thinking how you are. he doesn't understand what you just did to you both.

'i did, i really, really did. we just graduated, we don't live together, you're still waiting for that research position to open and my boyfriend slash baby daddy is going to die because he's also spider-man.'

it's all ruined. you don't even know what you ruined and that's the worse part, you ended it before it started.

'hey, trouble. one thing at a time, okay? we have time to figure it out if we need to. do we need to go get a test?' you nod, the idea of your dream turning into reality makes you want to sob.

'speaking of dying, i killed the last three plants ethan gave me. so, how nice is that? a dead dad and a mom who kills.' peter hugs you tighter, he wants to push all your suffering into him right now. you go one further, this is the final nail in the coffin.

'what if i'm not ready to be a mom?'

'we have time to figure-' he doesn't understand. 'no, what if i'm not ready to be a mom?' a soft kiss on your forehead tells you he read between the lines, it also tells you he doesn't resent you for the idea.

'i'm here for you, okay? i'm here for whatever decision you make and we'll figure it out together. we're a team. and i promise you, trouble, i'm not dying. kid or no kid, i won't let spider-man be the thing that does me in.'

you want this with peter, you really do. just... not now. a baby this young was never in the cards, you feel like you shouldn't be in this position but you played stupid games and won an unexpected prize.

'fuck. peter, i really think i might be pregnant.'

peter's being a strong front because you need it but he's just as unprepared as you are. 'have you been feeling sick?' you shake your head, you've felt normal until this very moment.

'i had i dream i was staring at a positive test and it felt so real that it woke me up and then i couldn't remember the last time i had my period so i looked at my phone and we're charting into week five.'

peter almost lets a curse slip, he contains it for you. 'okay, we're okay. i promise we're okay, we just need to make sure if you're pregnant or not. can you wait until morning or do we need to go now?'

peter using 'you' and 'pregnant' in the same sentence makes you want to throw up and you can't blame it on potential morning sickness. you're disgusted in yourself. this wasn't the timeline.

you couldn't last another few hours in this state, you'd go mad in record timing. 'now. right now.' in under a minute peter is stuffing a hoodie over your head and a shirt over his. you feel yourself on the verge of a breakdown but peter's outstretched hand tells you he's here for it.

---

'what if you resent me in like...' peter's already shaking his head, you can't put a date on it, what if it's now? 'wait, is it already happening? do you hate me?'

peter stops with you outside of the bodega right up the road from his apartment, he had been listening to your spiral the entire time with a calm demeanor.

'stop. i know this wasn't the plan and i know this isn't what we wanted right now but i don't want you thinking i could ever hate you or blame you for this. i wish i could make you feel better about this, trouble. i love you, i love you more than i have ever loved anything. i love you more than i thought was possible. i love you more than any song or book or movie could ever describe. and guess what? i'd love our kid just the same. shit, maybe even more cause you gave me one.'

is it hormones or is it because that's the best thing he could've ever told you at this moment? you crush him in a hug, he's a little surprised but holds you just the same. 'thank you.' for the first time since you woke up, you're able to breathe.

peter doesn't say you're welcome because you don't have anything to thank him for. he's doing what he'd do if this was however many years in the future and when it was a bit more planned. 'i didn't bring my wallet.'

peter scoffs, 'you think i'd make you pay for this?'

'i already feel like a burden.'

'trouble.' you bite your tongue, if peter can be nice enough to hold a poker face, you can stop telling yourself he secretly hates you. you need an answer and it lies inside the shop in a little box.

peter's holding the test, you couldn't bring yourself to touch it. you're standing in front of the refrigerator section staring at the drink selection, more than half focused on your reflection instead. peter catches on and taps your hand, you blink awake and look at three different cans before your brain hurts.

'what should i get?'

'whatever you want, trouble.'

'i can't think.' you can't. it's either total silence and dissociation or racing thoughts, you don't know peace anymore. if you're carrying his child, peter can pick a drink for you.

'hm. are you in the mood for something flavored?'

sweet. sugary. something to coat your mouth with a lasting aftertaste even if the news you were about to receive was on the bitter side.

'yeah.' peter nixes the three shelfs of water. 'carbonated or not?' too much of a choice, you shrug half-heartedly. 'i don't know.' peter looks behind him, a different choice entirely.

when's the last time you had an icee?

you don't notice peter walk off, you slipped back into staring at yourself in a baggy hoodie. if you jumped forward six months, how tight would it be?

peter grabs a small cup, looks at the clear-blue box in his hand and grabs a large one instead. a mixture of cherry and coke, it's nearly freezing his hand. it's going to be enough to keep your mind in the land of the living.

you find peter, lean against his back and close your eyes, he makes small movements and allows you to rest your weight on him. you're tired. mentally and emotionally. 'trouble?' you perk up again, peter halfway turns to hand over a frozen drink big enough for four.

'a slushie?' you give it a taste, you sip it down until your throat burns. 'heck yeah. and look at that, you love it.' he's not wrong. you can't remember the last time you had one and this somehow just made things a little better.

'it's making me feel better.'

'see? everyone needs some sugar now and then.'

---

for someone who made peter get out of bed at three in the morning and force him down to the corner store for a pregnancy test, you sure can't stomach the idea of taking it.

if it's a no, it'll be the biggest breath of fresh air you've ever had. if it's a yes, you and peter's life is about to forever change and you don't think you're ready for that yet.

you might not get peter to yourself for a few years, but you have him tonight and that's comfort enough. 'ready?' you intertwine your fingers with peter as he asks and pulls you out the front door. it's a quiet walk back sharing your cup of sugar before you silently creep back inside his aunt's apartment.

'ready to pee?'

you shake your head, peter offers his laptop up. ten minutes into a show, you have to go. fifteen minutes, it's pressing. twenty and you're about to burst.

you're not ready for the answer.

you'd be a bad mom.

'i drank wine tonight, peter. that's so bad, i'm such a bad person.'

'you're not a bad person, trouble. guess what? no one knows they're pregnant until they know. it's not your fault you kept living life how you normally do.'

you might've fucked things up but you chose the best person to do it with.

'i have to pee.' for just a teeny, tiny second- peter's guard faults. he's just as scared of the results, it fills you with solace. you're not the only one here who doesn't want this, even if he won't tell you so.

'want me to come with?'

you shake your head and don't even look at the box when you swipe it from his desk. your hand shakes as you tear the blue plastic, it's dawned on you that this is the first time you've ever taken one. you never thought you’d be here.

you hold your eyes closed while you do it as if the results would show immediately. you snap the cap back into place and hide it behind you. starting a five minute timer, you wait on the answer to the future.

poking your head out from his bathroom you clear your throat. 'counting down.'

'how are you feeling? still doing okay?' you nod, you're really thankful he has your back tonight. it's nice to know that when you're truly falling apart, he's your backbone.

'i love you.'

'i love you too, sweetheart.'

you've been so good and so brave this whole time, you haven't cried once. but that just broke you and you can't place why. you try to will away the sting in your eyes, it doesn't work.

a broken whimper and you can't hold it in anymore.

you fall apart and before you could collapse to the floor, peter's tucking you into his chest and kissing your head. 'shh, you're okay. i promise you're okay, you have me. you'll always have me.'

'promise?'

'i promise, trouble. don't you remember? i couldn't let you go if i tried.'

'i know you said to stop but i'm really sorry and i need you to know that.' peter feels his heart break, he must've done something wrong at some point to make you think he could ever be upset at you for this.

but peter thinks you need him to accept it. 'it's okay. i know you're sorry and it's okay.' you relax and exhale into him, you stop your tears because crying is useless and it's only making you feel worse.

'i'm being so annoying, aren't i?'

'not in the slightest, do you see how long it took you to cry?'

you sniff and wipe away any stray tears before giving peter a pathetic pucker. 'kiss, please.' you're granted the slow and soft kind, the one that is just pure care and adoration.

'will you promise to keep having sex with me if i'm pregnant?'

peter can't hold in his laugh, you hear yourself and giggle with him. 'i promise, trouble. you can get it anytime. i mean, you already do, but with my baby in you- you'll get absolutely anything you want, whenever you want.'

'even if i want cheetos at two in the morning?' peter thinks that's light work, he graces your cheek with a kiss of the same kind. 'especially then.' it's not always rainbows and butterflies. 'what about when my belly pops, my hormones hit the ceiling, my feet are swollen, i'm hot all the time, and i just constantly scream at you?'

'you wouldn't do that.' well, you're not planning on it but you have no idea what effects this will have on you. 'but if you did, i'd take it in stride. if i was carrying around twenty pounds that made me constantly want to piss my pants, i'd be grumpy too.'

'we're gonna be so tired.'

'we already are.'

you chew on your bottom lip for a moment. 'what if i get stretch marks?'

'from growing my kid? couldn't think of anything sexier, trouble.'

it's not what was planned, but if this is how it'll be, you'll be okay. peter was right, you would figure it out. together.

'you have an answer for everything.'

'that's why you love me so much. you needed to find someone who could keep up with you.'

'and oh boy can you keep up and catch me.'

you match his smile, you feel good. you feel like things aren't so ruined now. 'it's my favorite thing to do.' you scrunch your nose up at him before giving a small jump to your alarm tone.

you end the timer. 'oh god.' that.

'don't undo what we just did. no more panic, we're okay with this, right? if it's a yes, we're doing this?'

it's terrifying to think you could be a parent in under a year but something tells you that you'll be just fine with peter by your side. 'yeah, we're doing this.'

peter nods towards his bathroom door, 'ready?'

for the first time tonight, you feel confident. 'yes.' you back up for the results, wrapping your palm around the middle until you're next to peter again.

you both take a deep breath and you finally get to see the answer.

peter exhales out, 'holy shit.'

your shoulders slump when you mutter out, 'thank god.'

'holy fuck, i thought my stomach was about to come out of my ass for a second. don't get me wrong if it was-'

'i was right there with you, petey. we could've figured it out but thank god we don't have to.' you hold a hand over your heart and feel calm wash over you. 'are we bad people for being happy about this?'

peter shakes his head. 'no, not at all. we're not ready for that yet, but now we know we could be.'

you think you're speaking for the both of you and you think it needs to be said. 'to be clear, we do want kids, just later down the road. and this was just a little scare but now that we know we don't want any right now, we should be a little more careful about how we do things, right?'

'a hundred percent, trouble. you said it before i could.'

'good.' you take another peek at the test, double confirmation. 'now can you please feed me? i'm famished.'

even if you weren't pregnant, peter would do anything for you.

'anything my baby wants, she gets.'

[justagalwhowrites]

Halcyon - Ch. 17: You're Sorry, Great. Awesome.

You and Joel throw Sarah a birthday party. Things don't go as planned. A continuation of Halcyon from the prologue through Ch. 16, a modern no outbreak AU TLOU fic found on Tumblr here.

(I am BEGGING HBO for some flashback scenes this season PLEASE.)

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: SMUT! Unprotected P in V sex. Fingering. Kind of aggressive sex. Modern No Outbreak AU, No use of Y/N, Slow burn, 18+ only, Minors DNI

Length: 7k

AO3 | Main Master List | Prologue | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

“You gonna come for me?” 

Joel was everywhere, fucking everywhere, deep inside, pressed tight over you, arms looped around beneath you, his breath hot against your ear as he sucked wetly at your neck. All you could do was whimper below him, clawing at his skin as you scrambled to keep him close. 

“There you go,” he said, voice low and quiet and rough. “Fuck, gettin’ so damn tight on me, you’re close baby, lemme feel you.” 

You angled your hips as best you could below him so that every thrust reached deep and every motion worked your clit. 

“Joel,” you breathed, desperate and too close to your climax to care that you sounded pathetic and needy. “You feel so good, fuck, please, please, please…” 

His thrusts grew harder, sloppy, panting breathlessly against your skin. 

“Love makin’ you feel good,” he said, sounding half out of his mind as he did. “Fuck, love makin’ you come, you gotta come for me baby, I need it, c’mon honey, please, fuck, I love, I love…” 

Your orgasm hit you hard, making you cry out, pressing your mouth into Joel’s shoulder to muffle the sound of your pleasure. 

“Oh fuck,” he groaned, his hips stuttering. “That’s right, keep comin’ for me, gonna fill you up, fill you up so fuckin’ good, leave you drippin’ me all damn day, fuck!” 

He pressed deep and you could feel the heavy throb of his orgasm as he spilled into you, his come hot and thick on your most sensitive places inside. The feel of him pressing himself tight against you, clinging to you like you were all he wanted, made you come again around him, this orgasm more subdued as you focused on just how damn good he felt inside you. 

“Holy shit,” he panted, going limp on top of you as both of your orgasms eased.

“Tell me about it,” you said, breathless too, trailing your fingers up and down the broad expanse of his back. 

He laughed a little. 

“Fuck I love startin’ my day that way,” he said, pushing himself up from you and kissing your forehead as he slid out of you, a thick thread of his come and yours connecting your bodies for a moment before he collapsed at your side. 

You waited, as you always did, for him to decide how close the two of you would be after. But he tugged you against him, so your head was on his chest and his arm was around your shoulders, giving you a squeeze. You draped your arm over his broad chest and snuggled closer, breathing in the smell of his skin. You always liked having time like this with Joel but you were extra thankful for it then, the stress of getting ready for Sarah’s birthday pool party easier when you had a few reliable orgasms every day. Now that the day had arrived and you had a list of things that still needed doing, it seemed necessary to soak up that closeness with him while you could get it. 

“Me too,” you said quietly. 

“Speaking of starting the day,” he said and you could hear the smile in his voice. “You ready to have about two dozen tweens crash in on us for the afternoon?” 

You snorted. 

“As I’ll ever be,” you said. “I think we have everything except the cake and a few snacks but we should check again before one of us goes to pick it up.”

“See, logistics like this are why I never did this before,” Joel teased. “So much easier to just show up at a bowling alley or some shit where they do it all for you.” 

“She’s going to have so much fun though,” you smiled a little, remembering going to Party City with Sarah a few weeks before to find things for the party. She’d excitedly picked all the purple butterfly covered decorations and invitations, beaming as she did, her front teeth still a little too big for her face. “You’re going to have cool dad points for months off this.” 

“Fuckin’ better,” he said and you nuzzled closer to him as you laughed and he sighed. “I’m gonna miss this, Goldie girl.” 

“What, starting your day fucking someone?” You teased even though it stung knowing that’s all it was. 

You and Joel had thrown yourselves fully into the friends with benefits arrangement over the last month. You fucked every day, usually before he went to work - when Ellie’s early morning cries got one of you out of bed for at least a few minutes to settle her before returning and getting tangled in each other - and again in the evening when Sarah and Ellie were both asleep and you could take your time - pulling orgasm after orgasm from each other until you passed out, naked and sweaty and slick with come. You loved it. Far more than you should love it, so much that you had to fight to keep from saying it and ruining everything. You’d finally found some way to almost have what you wanted, you weren’t about to wreck it just because you couldn’t keep your mouth shut. 

But it was all ending soon, anyway. Anna had a release date from the inpatient program you’d gotten her into and, after talking with her and her doctors, you’d decided that you and Ellie would move into Anna’s house for a while. That meant leaving Joel’s and his bed and the comfort you found inside his space. 

“Don’t act like you’re not gonna miss that, too,” you could hear the roll of his eyes as he spoke. “But I more mean doin’ stuff like throwing this party with you. If you weren’t here, I’d just be stressed about it if I were doing it at all. But you’re here so I can look forward to it and how happy it’s going to make her and I’m going to miss having you here to do that shit with.” 

“I’m not going far,” you said, smiling a little into his chest. “But I get what you mean. Taking care of Ellie was so scary at first but you’re here and now, it’s not. Because I’m doing it with you.” 

Joel trailed his fingers up and down your upper arm and you just lay there with him, feeling his warmth and the softness of his skin and wishing you could find some way to be this close to him all the time. 

“You could just have Anna move in here,” he said and you laughed. “Hey, I’m serious!” 

“I know,” you said. “But no, not the best idea for this stage of recovery, that’s a lot of upheaval when she’s already going to be adjusting to life outside and as a mom. But once I bring Ellie there, Anna’s going to be seeing a therapist daily and if she’s getting overwhelmed, she’s going back in. Who knows, I might be back here before you know it.” 

“Hate that you’re makin’ me be against you showing back up here,” he said, just as the alarm on your phone started to ring. He groaned and you rolled to turn it off but you were only away from him for a moment before he pulled you back with a little yelp. 

“Hey!” You laughed into his chest. “C’mon, we need to get going…” 

“We got time,” he said, his voice husky, his hand skimming over your side, fingers trailing up to your breast. 

“Joel…” you breathed, sounding just as needy as you felt and you tried to avoid the twinge of shame that crept in with that need. 

“C’mon,” he said, tilting your chin so he could kiss you. “Lemme have you again. We got time.” 

His hold on you tightened and so did the knot in your stomach and you knew you couldn’t say no to him. You never could. 

“OK,” you said softly. “We got time.” 

You were both still breathless when Sarah knocked on Joel’s door about 30 minutes later and you turned to muffle the almost maniacal giggle that slipped out of you as she spoke. 

“Hey Dad?” She called to you both. “Can we have pancakes?” 

“Sure thing, baby girl,” he panted. “Just… five minutes.” 

You could practically hear her frown through the door. 

“What are you guys doing in there?” She asked. “You sound weird.” 

“Just… gettin’ ready for the party,” he said and you snorted. He pulled you tight against him so your mouth was pressed tight to his chest. “Be out in a minute.” 

Once the two of you left the quiet privacy of his bedroom, things moved quickly. You bounced and fed Ellie while Joel made breakfast for the three people in the house eating solid food. After you ate, Joel cleaned up while you put Ellie in a baby wrap and worked with Sarah to decorate the living room and the pool. She carefully decided where she wanted the gift table and where the snacks should be, what games should be out, where goodie bags should live, stepping back and considering everything with a serious look on her face that you had to fight to not giggle at. 

“OK,” she said after a while as she surveyed the space and gave a firm nod. “I think it’s perfect.” 

“You picked a good set up, kiddo,” you smiled, not even irritated that you’d swapped the gift table and the snack table’s positions four times. “Everyone’s going to have a great time.” 

“I hope so,” she said, beaming. “I can’t believe I get a pool party! I’m going to go get ready!” 

You and Joel left Sarah at the house to do her hair while the two of you took Ellie to pick up the cake and the last few things you needed at the store. 

Your niece was strapped to your chest and you were halfway down the chip aisle when you ran into Alyssa, the friend at work you’d made at the start of the school year that you hadn’t spoken to in months, too wrapped up in everything with Ellie and Anna and Joel to do anything like maintain a relationship with a coworker. 

“Oh, my God!” She beamed at you, pulling you in for an awkward hug with Ellie to the side. “I haven’t seen you in… shit, months? How’ve you been? Busy, I see!” 

“Yeah,” you laughed a little. “I’ve had my hands full taking care of this one. My sister’s… sick.” 

“Well, she’s an absolute doll!” She smiled broadly, leaning in to Ellie who beamed back at her, smiling her little gummy smile. “Hi there, cutie! Are you keeping your auntie from writing the next great American novel? Are you totally worth it? I think so!” 

“OK I got the cookies, too,” Joel said, coming up behind you and putting his hand on the small of your back, reaching around you to drop the packages in the cart. “Don’t know what kids don’t like fuckin’ cake but…” You cleared your throat as your cheeks got hot, feeling oddly exposed at the idea of having someone see Joel’s casual intimacy with you like this, Joel’s face near yours in a place you might kiss him if the two of you were at home. “Oh. Hi. I’m sorry, have we met?” 

“Yeah, hi,” she smiled, straightening and looking Joel up and down in that way she had. “I’m Alyssa, we ran into each other when you came by campus toward the start of the school year. Good to see you again! It looks like you two have gotten…” 

“Oh, no,” you laughed quickly, eyes darting to Joel, hoping he wasn’t panicking at the concept of being with you. “No, no, we’re… he’s been helping with Ellie here, he has a daughter so…” 

“Yeah, I’ve just done it all before,” he said, an odd twinge in his voice. “Don’t mind helpin’ out.” 

“That’s so nice of you,” Alyssa said, still watching Joel closely. “God, there’s just something about a man who’s good with kids…” 

“We are in high demand,” Joel said, a new flirtatious edge to his tone that made your stomach get tight. “Sorry to pull this one away but, speaking of kids, we got a birthday party to get back and finish settin’ up for…” 

“Oh, of course,” she smiled, waving him off. “Sorry, I don’t want to keep the two of you on a Saturday! But… you know, if you two aren’t…” 

“We’re not,” you said, probably too harshly, not able to look at Joel as you said it. 

“Then maybe we could have a drink sometime,” she said, as though you hadn’t spoken. “She’s got my number, if you’re interested.” 

“Uh,” Joel said and you forced yourself to glance his way, his hand still on the small of your back. “Yeah, alright, I’ll… I’ll let you know.” 

“Looking forward to it,” she winked before looking back to Ellie. “Goodbye, sweet girl!” And then she looked to you. “So good to see you!” 

“Yeah,” you forced a smile. “You, too.” 

You watched her go before turning back to Joel. 

“Sorry, that was…” you searched for the word. “Awkward.” 

“Yeah, think you could have denied that a little harder,” he said wryly and you glared at him. “What? Don’t think I’m that embarrassing.” 

“You know you’re not embarrassing,” you rolled your eyes. “I just… don’t want to tie you down.” 

“You don’t tie me down,” he said. 

“That’s sweet,” you said, grabbing the biggest bag of Doritos and adding them to the cart. “But… you know, the lists did include helping each other find a stable relationship and -” you looked around quickly, lowering your voice as you did “- we both know that friends with benefits is not that.” 

“So you’re gonna set me up with your friend?” He asked, sounding almost annoyed. 

You frowned. 

“What, are you going to pretend like she’s not your type?” 

He just looked at you for a moment, his jaw tight. 

“Never mind,” he said. “Let’s just go get the cake.” 

“What?” You asked, following after him as he took over pushing the cart. 

“Nothin’,” he said. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“Joel,” you caught up with him. “Is everything…” 

“It’s fine,” he snapped as the two of you got to the bakery counter. “Just drop it, alright? Jesus.” 

“Fine,” you muttered as Ellie started to fuss against you. “Dropped.” 

But you didn’t want to drop it. You tried to find a way to bring it up again but Joel was still surly on the drive back to the house, his mouth still in a thin line as he carried things in from the car. 

“Are you really going to be like this all day?” You asked quietly as you set the cake on the table in the living room next to the butterfly themed plates. “Because…” 

“I’m not bein’ like anything,” he said. “I’m fine. I don’t know why you keep askin’.” 

“Because you’ve been acting weird since the chip aisle,” you said. “And Sarah’s been looking forward to this for like two months.” 

“She’s my kid,” he said, defensive. “I know that she’s looking forward to it, alright? And I have not been ‘acting weird.’” He put the words in air quotes. “I’m just stressed about making this party happened, not everything is about you and what your people think, Goldie.” 

You pulled back from him, his words sharp. 

“I’m sorry that my coworker thought we were a couple,” you hissed, keeping your voice low. “We’re not in high school anymore and while you night think anyone would be a better option than me but not everyone is going to just assume that you could never want me!” 

“That’s what you think?” He asked, stepping closer to you, his hands on his hips, his shoulders feeling unreasonably broad. “You think that’s why I’m upset?” 

“Aunt Goldie?” Sarah said, running into the room, a sarong in her arms and wearing the swimsuit you’d helped her pick the week before. “Can you help me put this thing on? I can’t figure it out.” 

“Of course, kiddo,” you said, taking the sarong and giving Joel a look. “Come on, we’ll get it figured out.” 

You left Joel with the snacks and went to help Sarah, trying to shove Alyssa and Joel’s shitty mood out of your mind. 

***

Sarah was happy. 

Joel kept reminding himself of that. 

Sarah. Was. Happy. 

That was the important thing, that’s what mattered, that’s what the two of you had been planning and working on for weeks, throwing Sarah the party she’d been begging him for for years. 

And now it was here, Sarah was happy and he had a grill full of burgers and hot dogs, a backyard full of 25 pre-teens and a handful of parents who’d volunteered to help make sure no one drowned. 

Including the dad of one of the kids in Sarah’s class. One who had a decade on you and Joel and was apparently single and deciding to make that your fucking problem. 

And Joel wasn’t sure how long he was supposed to stand here and watch you flirt with that fucking guy. 

It was bad enough, getting hit on in front of you at the fucking grocery store and watching you rush to dodge any connection you had with him. No, now he also had to deal with this fucking asshole who was - frustratingly - not really an asshole at all. 

Tim was a guy Joel had met a few times, one of the few hands on dads in Sarah’s class. They’d chaperoned a few field trips together and Joel liked the guy. Or he had, anyway. The pair hand bonded over their daughters’ love of Taylor Swift and learning how to do hair and their shared apprehension of the coming teen years. He was good natured, an invested father, a guy he’d have liked to grab a beer with sometime. He’d been meaning to try to get their kids together and see if he could actually, maybe, have a friend outside of you and his brother. 

And then Tim saw you and everything changed.  

Now, Tim was making Joel’s fist clench and his stomach tighten because he was making you laugh. You were in your swimsuit, one that made Joel want to touch every goddamn inch of you, Ellie in your arms in her little sunhat and you were laughing at something Tim was saying, that fucking smile of yours making his heart ache. That fucking smile holding so much promise when it was made for that guy because smiling at him was different than smiling at Joel.

Because, really, how would he measure up to someone like fucking Tim? The guy who actually made good money, who had bothered to go to college, who didn’t need to wait to accidentally knock someone up to get his shit together. And you obviously had a thing for guys who were older, Tim’s graying hair and casual ease making Joel feel at least a little lacking before let alone now. Of course you’d be interested in him over Joel. Why wouldn’t you be? 

“You alright?” Tommy asked, sidling up to Joel by the grill. 

“Fine,” Joel muttered, still watching you. Tim held his arms out and you passed him Ellie before reaching to grab a can of White Claw from the cooler next to you, smiling and cooing at Tim and Ellie as you did. Joel ground his teeth. 

“You sure?” Tommy said. “Because think that burger would disagree.” 

Joel frowned, looking down to find the patty on the corner of the grill smoking, the dripping fat from the meat making the fire flare up below it. 

“Shit,” he swore, quickly sliding the spatula below the burger and moving it away from the flames. 

“That one’s yours,” Tommy teased, taking a sip of his beer and looking out toward the pool. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Joel said, taking stock of the rest of the grill to make sure nothing else was on fire. 

“Goldie’s lookin’ good,” Tommy said after a moment. 

Joel’s grip on the spatula got tight. 

“Guess so,” he said. “I see her every day so… wouldn’t know.” 

“Oh I think you know,” Tommy said. “Looks like she’s gettin’ awful cozy with that guy over there.” 

“Hadn’t noticed.” 

“Really?” Tommy said, brows raised. “Guess you were… what, starin’ at the fence behind ‘em then?” 

“Fuck off, Tommy.” 

“I’m just sayin’,” he said. “Like to think I know you pretty well seeing as you’re my brother and all. Just calling it like I see it. Calling it like I’ve been seein’ it for 20 years.” 

“Well, you’ve been seeing wrong,” Joel said. 

“Don’t think that’s it,” Tommy said. Joel opened his mouth to argue but Tommy didn’t give him the chance. “Look, if you really want to sit on your ass about it forever, that’s on you. I’m just saying that it sure seems like now is a damn good time to work your shit out with her. Either that or decide to just be a miserable asshole forever because you’re stubborn. No skin off my back.” 

“You, what, think you know everything because you’ve found a woman who will stick around?” Joel snapped, fighting to keep his voice low. “You’ve been in a relationship for five goddamn minutes, don’t sit there and…” 

“Hey guys,” you walked over, smiling, Tim still at your side with Ellie in his arms. “ETA on burgers? Think I should go get all the condiments set out?”

“Not a bad idea,” Joel said, fighting to keep his voice even. 

“Want help?” Tim asked. 

“If you can just keep holding the wriggly one, that would be amazing,” you smiled, touching his arm. His fucking arm. You looked back to Joel. “I’ll get everything set out… Are you OK?” 

“Fine,” he said through clenched teeth. “Why?” 

“If you say so,” you said, turning back to Ellie. “You be good, squrimy wormy.” 

“She’ll be an angel,” Tim smiled. “Don’t even worry about it.” 

Joel and Tim both watched you go inside, Joel struggling not to think about the sway of your hips below the gauzy wrap you’d tied around your middle like a skirt. 

“Kids seem to be having a great time,” Tim said, looking out toward the pool. “I know Lucy’s been talkin’ about nothing else all week. Kid was born in December but I can already tell she’s going to be begging me for a pool party for her birthday all the same.” 

“Glad I was able to pull it off for Sarah,” Joel said, looking determinedly at the grill. 

“Well, you had help,” Tommy said and Joel shot him a glare. He pressed on like nothing had happened. “Sure it’s a lot easier when you’ve got your best friend there pitchin’ in…” 

“Yeah, she was saying you two have been putting this together for a few weeks. If you don’t mind my asking,” Tim said, leaning closer to Joel and angling Ellie away from the heat of the grill. “What’s… what’s goin’ on there? Are you two…” 

“Nope,” Joel cut him off. “Just… we’re just friends.” 

“Cool,” Tim nodded slowly, looking toward the house as you carried plates of burger toppings out to a table covered in a purple tablecloth. “Because damn if she isn’t something.” 

“See, that’s what I’ve been sayin’,” Tommy said, giving Joel a look. Joel just glared back. 

Tim wasn’t looking their way, his eyes glued on you. 

“I still can’t believe she wrote that book,” he said, sounding a little awed. “I still think it’s the best thing I’ve ever read. Must have been a hell of a trip to read that already knowing her.” 

Joel was quiet, just flipping the burgers and taking a drink of beer. 

“What was that like?” Tim asked when Joel had been quiet too long. 

He glanced up at him, the annoyingly perfect fucking image of him holding Ellie while looking like the exact kind of person you’d go for making him hold his beer bottle a little too tight. 

“Wouldn’t know,” Joel said, looking back down at the grill. “Haven’t read it. Don’t read much.” 

“Oh,” Tim said, sounding surprised. “Well, you should. It’s amazing. She’s…” 

“Something,” Joel cut him off, knowing he probably sounded like a dick but not caring enough to stop it. “You said.” 

“Thank you for that,” you said, walking up and wiping crumbs from burger buns on your hands on your swimsuit. “Way easier when I’m not holding an infant but I’ll take her back now. Hi baby girl! Were you so good?” 

“She was a dream,” Tim said, putting Ellie in your arms. “Makin’ me wish I had another one.” 

“It’s the cuteness,” you said, smiling a little before looking down at your niece, letting her wrap her tiny hand around your thumb. You nuzzled into her head and kissed her. “She’s tricky that way.” 

“Might be,” Tim smiled, watching you with the baby. “But still, real hard not to miss it. Wouldn’t mind having another one.” 

“Yeah?” You asked, looking up at him with raised brows, holding Ellie against you. 

“With the right person,” he smiled a little and if Joel had to watch this shit any longer he was sure he was going to break something. 

“Alright, burgers are up!” He yelled toward the pool, ignoring the fact that Tim was standing close enough that he flinched. 

Joel hung back as the kids clambered out of the water until everyone had a burger and you found him, a slight frown on your face. 

“Are you sure you’re OK?” You asked. “Because if this is about earlier at the store…” 

“Don’t they teach you smart college types that doing the same thing over and over don’t get you different results?” He snapped. “Stop asking.” 

“Sorry,” you said, sounding hurt which made Joel’s jaw tighten. “Just try not to miss out on the good shit from today because of… whatever that is.” 

You didn’t wait for him to respond, you just went to find fucking Tim, that hurt look melting off your face when he said something that made you smile in that fucking way you had, where you started slow and then it spread so your whole face shined, the way that Joel loved so much. 

Joel stuck close to Tommy and his new girlfriend, Maria, for the rest of the party, trying to focus on Sarah and how she really was so fucking happy. He tried to ignore you. He tried to ignore the side eye from Tommy and the way you were looking at fucking Tim like he hung the goddamn moon. He tried not to think about the fact that, soon, you and Ellie would be leaving and this semblance of a family that he’d fallen into wouldn’t exist anymore. It would go back to the way it was before, just him and Sarah, and you’d go off and live your own damn life with Tim or someone like him. 

The frustrating thing was, it wouldn’t be so bad if he didn’t know what he’d be missing. When it was you and fucking Brad at least, Joel didn’t know any better. He didn’t know how good it could be with you. He didn’t know what he didn’t have. Now it would always be there, hanging over him, covering his memory of this time with this bitter patina that he couldn’t shake. 

Tommy and Maria and fucking Tim stayed after the party wound down and helped clean up, you putting Ellie in her bouncer as you laughed at something he said. Things were back to normal - or close to it, a cake with a purple frosting border only half eaten on the kitchen counter and a few bags of trash by the door waiting to go into the big bin in the garage - in no time at all, something Joel was thankful for because that meant that Tim would probably leave soon. Hopefully. 

“Where did y’all get that cake, anyway?” He asked following you inside as you put a sleeping Ellie in her playpen, Joel just a few steps behind. “It was really good.” 

“H-E-B,” Joel said even though he knew Tim wasn’t asking him. “Nothin’ crazy.” 

“Thanks,” Tim smiled over his shoulder toward Joel before looking back to you. “It was good. Really.” 

“There’s tons of extra,” you said. “Want to take some home? Lord knows I don’t need it and if Sarah eats it all we’ll never see the end of the sugar high.” 

As if to prove a point, Sarah and Lucy, Tim’s daughter, shrieked in glee over something in the back yard. 

“That’d be great,” Tim said. “Sure Lucy’ll enjoy it.” 

“I’ll wrap some up for you,” you smiled, leading the way to the kitchen. 

“Try not to break your jaw clenching it like that, brother,” Tommy clapped him on the shoulder. Joel glared at him. “We’re gonna head out.” 

“You know where to find the door,” Joel said. 

“Know where to find your attitude, too,” he replied. “Try not to screw yourself over here, Joel.” Tommy left before he had a chance to argue, his arm around Maria’s shoulders as he led her to his truck. 

But Joel, for a change, decided to actually take his brother’s advice. He didn’t want to screw himself over. He wasn’t ready to lose this with you, not yet. 

He went to the kitchen to find you standing next to the cake, your body angled toward Tim’s, closer to him than Joel was happy about. 

“So I’ll call you,” he was saying, a crooked smile on his face. 

“Sounds good,” you smiled back, handing him his phone. “It might be a bit, a lot going on right now, but…” 

“I can wait,” he said. “Something about good things coming to those who do…” 

Joel cleared his throat and you almost jumped away from Tim, eyes a little wide, almost like Joel was your dad and you were in trouble. 

“Get what you needed?” Joel asked, brows raised, hands shoved in his pockets. 

“Think so,” Tim said, pocketing his phone and picking up a plate loaded with cake and covered in plastic wrap.”Thanks for having us, it was a great party.” 

“Thanks for comin’,” Joel said, wishing he’d just get through the niceties and get the fuck out of his house. “Know Sarah liked having Lucy here.” 

“Lucy had a great time, too,” he said before turning back to you. “Think we’ll get outta your hair but… talk to you soon?” 

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Looking forward to it.” 

Joel walked Lucy and Tim out to their car, Tim handing his daughter the plate with the cake before turning back to Joel. 

“Look,” he said, all polite pretense gone from his voice. “I feel like I did something in the wrong here and I don’t want to try to steal another man’s girl…” 

“She say we were together?” Joel asked, brows raised. 

“No, but…” 

“Then there you go,” Joel said, a little to harshly. 

“Well then I must have done something else,” Tim said. “If it’s just that you’re protective of your friend, trust me, I meant it when I said she’s somethin’ because she is. I don’t know if it’ll work out but I’m not gonna hurt her.” 

Joel clenched his jaw, trying not to picture someone else touching you the way he did, someone else pulling the little sounds of pleasure from your lips the way he did, loving you the way he did. Just the passing thought made his stomach turn, his blood hot. He wanted to tell Tim to back the fuck off because you belonged with him. But he couldn’t do that. Because it wasn’t true.

“Good to see you,” Joel said instead. “Drive safe.” 

He didn’t wait to see them leave the driveway. Instead, he went to find you. Because maybe you didn’t belong with him, maybe you couldn’t be his in the way he wanted but goddammit if there wasn’t something in him you apparently wanted. You wanted it enough to be his friend, to ask for his help, to fuck him when you didn’t have another option. There was something in him that you thought was worthwhile and there had to be some way to make you remember that.

Joel stalked back inside to find you reorganizing the fridge, Ellie asleep in her playpen in the living room. You glanced his way as you put a plate of leftover burgers back in the fridge. 

“Sarah’s showering,” you said. “But then she wants to open presents and asked if we could watch a movie after, I told her that should be fine but…” 

Joel didn’t give you a chance to finish. Instead, he grabbed you, rougher than he should have but he couldn’t bring himself to care, pulling you away from the fridge with a surprised but quiet yelp as he pressed your back against the wall. He forced his knee between your thighs and pulled your mouth to his as he kissed you, harsh and sharp, devouring you and your needy little sounds. His hand tightened on your chin, holding you still so he could press tongue into your mouth, his other hand grabbing your thigh and hitching it over his leg, opening you to him. 

He shoved the gusset of your swimsuit aside and thrust two fingers inside you, your tight heat wet and welcoming and he didn’t ease his way to that soft, sensitive place deep in you. Instead, he pressed in hard, his palm against your clit before he pulled his mouth from yours, everything wet and messy. 

“Joel,” your eyes were wide, searching his. “What…” 

“You think he can do this to you?” He rutted his cock against your hip. “Think he can make you come like I do?” 

“Sarah’s home,” you whispered, your panting shifting to a moan as he pressed harder on your clit. “Fuck, Joel, you can’t just…” 

“I can hear the shower,” he said harshly. “Answer the question. You think he can make you feel like this?” 

To prove his point, he added another finger, stretching your tightening walls and making you gasp, fingers scrambling against his shoulder as you looked down to the place he was entering you. His own come from the morning was sliding over his skin and he was almost pissed about that, that you’d even look at another man while you were still full of him. 

“I…” you looked back at him, pupils blown, lips shiny with his spit and yours from when he kissed you. “I… I don’t…” 

“Think that fuckin’ guy can fuck you like I can?” He asked. “Think he can make you feel like I do? He can’t and he fuckin’ won’t.” 

You moaned, desperate and uncontrolled and buried your face where Joel’s shoulder met his neck. His cock ached in his swim trunks, leaking and angry and he rutted it against you but he knew he wasn’t going to find relief right now. He didn’t care. 

He felt like a man unhinged, the thought of you with someone else, touching someone else, in bed with someone else, loving someone else pushing him on. He couldn’t give you much, he fucking knew that, but there had to be a reason you’d stayed in his bed the last month and he was going to goddamn well make sure you knew it. 

You came then, your pussy throbbing hard around his fingers as you moaned, voice cracking as you did. He stilled inside you, his hold on you easing so that his palm was more cupping your sex than pressing into it, savoring the feeling of your pleasure on his skin as your come soaked him. Your whole body went limp and he had to hold you up as you panted for breath. He eased his fingers out of you more gently than he’d done anything else since he’d started touching you, carefully tugging your swimsuit back into place over your leaking slit. You whimpered against him, sounding fucked out and exhausted. 

Joel carefully adjusted you, holding your face in his hand, your eyes wide and mouth open as you took shaky, uncertain breaths. 

“What was that?” you asked quietly. 

Joel didn’t know how to answer. 

“You OK?” He asked instead. 

Your eyes raked over him, still wide and shocked, and he lowered your leg back to the ground, giving you a chance to stand on your own again. 

“What do you want from me, Joel?” You whispered. 

“Hey Dad?” Sarah yelled from her room. “Do we have more of that hair stuff?” 

His jaw tightened. 

“Go,” you said, reaching around him to hold onto the counter for balance. 

“We’re talkin’ later,” he said, watching you for a moment before going to help Sarah. 

He did his best to focus on his daughter while she opened her presents from her friends, you smiling and taking notes about who got her what so Sarah could write thank you cards, never once looking at Joel and he had this sinking, raw feeling in his stomach that he might have ruined things, actually ruined things this time. You stayed on the opposite end of the couch from him as the three of you watched the Hunger Games, careful to never even brush against him when you got up to get something. So different from every other time the three of you had sat here, you casually leaning your head on his shoulder or touching his leg to get his attention. 

“Thank you, Dad,” Sarah said as he tucked her into bed - something he was sure she was going to start insisting she was too big for any day now. “That was the best party, everyone had such a good time, it was so fun to see everyone!” 

“I’m glad you had fun, baby girl,” he smiled, smoothing her hair back from her face. “I know you’ve been wanting that for a while.” 

“Yeah, but I know you’re busy,” she said. “It’s OK that it took some time.” 

“Well, I should never be too busy for you,” he said. 

“Probably right,” she said, scrunching her nose. Joel laughed. “I love you, Dad.” 

“Love you, too,” he smiled, reaching to turn out her lamp. 

“Oh, tell Aunt Goldie I love her too?” She said. “I forgot to…” 

His heart clenched. 

“Course baby girl,” he said. “I know she loves you, too.” 

“Duh,” she smiled. “I’m the best.” 

Joel laughed. 

“Don’t let it go to your head.” 

He started back toward the living room to find you but stopped when he saw the light on in his bedroom. He paused at the door, wondering if he should knock even though the two of you hadn’t had that pretense in weeks. 

But he just opened it, moving quietly and closing the door silently behind him, finding you emptying the drawers that had become yours in the months you’d lived in his house. 

“What are you doing?” He asked quietly. 

You looked up, your eyes finding his and narrowing. 

“Goldie…” he moved to touch you but you pulled yourself away before he could. 

“Don’t,” you snapped, packing your things into the suitcase that had been tucked away in the space between Joel’s dresser and the wall for so long he’d almost forgotten it was there. 

“Look, I…” he began but you cut him off. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” You asked, all but throwing some shirts into the suitcase. “What was that!” 

He sighed, not able to look at you for a moment. He wasn’t sure how to answer that. What was he supposed to say? Sorry, the thought of losing you to another man made me lose my mind for a minute? Now that you don’t need as much help with your niece I wanted to remind you of the one other thing you seemed to need me for? 

“I…” he broke off. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re sorry?” You asked, brows raised. “You’re sorry, great. Awesome. What do you want from me, Joel? Do you want me to never date anyone so you can fuck me when you’re bored? Do you think I’m going to just live here forever so I’ll be at your disposal whenever you need to get off?” 

“That ain’t…” 

“I want to be with someone who loves me!” Your voice was thick, wet. “I want a chance at loving someone and I want them to love me, too, and I can’t do this with you, Joel! I can’t upend my entire life because we’re doing whatever this is, I can’t and I don’t want to.” 

His chest got tight and you just shook your head, going to get more out of the drawer to keep packing. 

“Anna is about to come home,” you said. “I was already going to leave soon. I’ll go tomorrow, spend a few days in my own damn house in my own damn bed and then go to her place.” 

“Goldie,” he whispered, stepping close to you, taking your face in his hand. You at least didn’t pull away from him this time. “Just… stay.” 

Your eyes searched his for a moment and, for half a second, he thought you might say yes. 

“I can’t,” you said softly. “I’m sorry.” 

Joel just hoped you couldn’t see the pain in his eyes as you went back to collecting your things to leave him behind yet again. 

Next Chapter

A/N: I really wish I could explain what came over Joel here but I can't I'm sorry I think he possessed me and this is what happened SORRY

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