#fuck you Helen
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Sketching while streaming s5...
Jonathan Sims I will learn to draw you (this is my doing. I could draw him however I want and I choose to stick with an image of him in my brain that is difficult for me to draw. Masochism.)
Not s5 Mahtins below I enjoyed drawing cuz hes neat:
(Edit: I yassified Martin in the do not separate cuz I wanted his hair fluffier)
#yes I realize Jon and Martin are in different fucking art styles let me live#do not accuse me of being AI this difficulty drawing hands is all natural I worked hard drawing for years just to fucking suck at it#update I listened to 170 I heard it was devastating but my ass was LAUGHING#poor martin but omg me and my buddy had everywhere at the end of time in the background and shit was so funny#he forgor 😭💀#it was emotionally devastating at the end tho Jon suggesting he stay there um btich NO?!#Jon the literal Lonely is not worse tham being around you get a fucking grip#helen continues to be the best character her showing up for the juicy gossip is so fucking real#anyagays#tma#tma podcast#the magnus pod#tma fanart#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#my art#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#tma jmart#tma season 5#tma spoilers#i have to make a diagram for my jon and martin designs for s5 SO bad#if only i could draw jon.... >:(#i need u guys to know that my martin loves plaid and jon is wearing a plaid shirt thats too big in s5... inchresting....
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A brief summary of how each character is doing at the end of the trojan war
Menelaus - alive!!! (somehow)
Helen - alive! was gonna get killed but she's too hot for that
Achilles - dead
Patroclus - dead
Paris - dead, shot in the dick (ha)
Hector - dead, body absolutely desecrated (you were a dick for that Achilles)
Agamemnon - alive then dead (you were a queen for that Clytemnestra)
Odysseus - blublublublub (jk he gets Penelope and Telemachus back but not before slaughtering most of the nobles of Ithica, there's kind of a whole book on it)
Ajax - dead
Penthesilea - dead
Diomedes - cucked (aphrodite's punishment for fucking up her wrist)
Aeneas - bringing the squad to Italy (there's kind of a whole book on it)
#paris why couldnt you just keep it in your pants#aphrodite why couldnt you leave helen alone#sigh#sources time!!#the iliad#the odyssey#the aeneid#sophocles ajax#quintus smyrnaeus posthomerica#aeschylus clytemnestra#aand a fuck ton of vase paintings#chat it's genuinely so hard to find a source talking about diomedes' life after the trojan war#which is sad because he's such a cool character#but aphrodite's scheming with her mum is covered in the iliad book 5 after she's wounded so this makes sense#evan says stuff#greek mythology#mythology#the trojan war#trojan war#achilles#patroclus#helen of sparta#helen of troy#menelaus#agamemnon#odysseus#diomedes#aeneas#cant believe i forgot to put penthesilea in here for so long#penthesilea
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Finally got around to drawing the distortions, love a character where if the hands look like shit I can say it’s intentional✨
#also more traditional bc digital be kicking my ass this week#I don’t know what I did to piss off the art gods but they really said fuck you in particular#in my hubris#the magnus archives#tma#tma fanart#michael the distortion#helen the distortion#the spiral#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#love these freaks#also not me misspelling Chappell Roan#forgive me chat#my hubris wins once again
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Penelope owns a golden chain.
It is a thick, large piece with two cuffs connected to one end of it, made of robust metal that still shines beautifully years later. It stretches perhaps some four metres, at most, and the clasp in the middle allows her to twist it tighter if she wants it to. The blacksmith she had commissioned it from had given her two copies of the key- one of which she'd tossed off of a high cliff, and the other that she keeps safe in a locked box in her room.
It can clasp to her bed, to the throne and to the bath flooring. She had it enchanted by a witch on the run from a neighbouring kingdom in exchange for security, to never cross the limits of the shoreline- so she never loses it, she'd said. She had won a favour off an alchemist in a bet and gotten it spelled to never break. She polishes it every day carefully to look it's best before she leaves the room.
It has only one use.
"I will hobble you like a horse," She hisses to her husband when he returns to her after twenty years. Adjusts herself and leans down to whisper in his ear, "I will chain you down like a common beast, cut out that silver tongue of yours so you can no longer get into trouble, break your fucking legs."
The chain clinks as Odysseus gasps for air. Penelope smiles and traces the edge of his adoring, breathless grin. "You are not allowed to leave me ever again."
Penelope owns a golden chain.
It looks wonderful around her husband's feet.
#odypen#dark penelope truthers where you at#odysseus#penelope#my fic#epic the musical#odyssey#tw dark#ig??#greek mythology#penelope placidly smiling on her throne as the chain tinkles around odys ankles as he sorts out some person's problems#anyone who comes to talk to them is always intimidated as hell. glad odysseus is ruling but also hey king of ithaka blink 2 if u need help#he does not need help he is also crazy and very melty about his wifes love for him#it shuffles when he walks so she can always hear him#telemachus has grown up w his mom's crazy he never understands the concerns people come to him with and athena has no morals#so theres no help for menelaus helen and clymenestra when they walk in#“hey- what in fucks name.”
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Consider young odysseus and Penelope courting by going on adventures together (committing crimes)
#The odyssey#Pre-canon#Odysseus#Penelope#Odypen#odysseus x penelope#I need to know how their courting went down#I bet it was insane#And also filled with sweet heartfelt crafts#Helen and the suitors in the background watching odypen commit crimes like it's some fucked up mating dance#Going what the fuck what the fuck#Helen: I'm so glad you found someone to match your freak pen but odysseus broke into our tressurary yesterday and father almost killed him#Helen: so maybe turn it down okay#Helen: At least while your father is here#Penelope: absolutely not did you see how hot ody's smug face was when he waltzed in carrying all of our precious jewels#Penelope: how will I know he's the one if he won't commit crimes against man and gods on my say so#Penelope: besides now I can steal his ships and I have not had this much fun in years
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the more toxic the yuri the more likely i will be at the scene of the crime
#death becomes her#madeline ashton#helen sharpe#meryl streep#goldie hawn#they shouldve fucked it out man idk what to tell you#another movie that wouldve benifit from lesbian sex#mediocre art for a mediocre time#madeline x helen
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"helen richardson" well hope this one isn't a fuckin tory
#personal#the magnus protocol#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#can you imagine being a tory in the year of our lord 2024#but also come ON there are more influential names involved with the magnus institute#and like if celia is fine going after people who were villains in the tma universe#(and no one actually cares about legit helen she's here because of helen distortion)#then can we take a trip to kent and see the fucking lukases??? please???????
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Whenever someone finds out I worked here, it's all they ever ask about. The golden couple.
THE NEWSREADER 2x05
#the newsreader#dale x tim#dale jennings#tim ahern#gay tim from camera#sam reid#chai hansen#thenewsreaderedit#tvedit#lgbtedit#lgbtgifs#*#tim: im so glad you and helen are happy together! 😊#dale: the loudest fuck-me eyes ever 👁️👁️#finally i have the whole season with no glitches 😭
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Menelaus rambles a lot about not only Helen, but also Hermione. About how she used to say Olive like "Olifs". How she lost her first tooth running too fast and running into a low branch while out with Helen. How he'd sometimes wake up to Hermione leaning over him and poking his face to say, "Dad, can we go see the horses?" even though it was barely daylight. How she was much nicer waking Helen and how he thinks Hermione did that on purpose because she found "dad's face funny". How her favorite color was every color.
And Odysseus listens.
And he thinks about how his son only had a few teeth coming in when he left, teething on everything. How he could only say one syllable with his babbles. How his son needed balance to stand but Odysseus was so proud that Telemachus was very good at rolling over. How his son loved pulling at his and Penelope's hair.
How his son would be talking, walking, maybe even lost his first tooth by now. And he doesn't even know if he'll ever know his son's favorite color.
#Hi get sad with me :D#Odysseus and Menelaus are the Bros™ to me. I love them. Both simps who love their family despite being different in personalities#You cannot tell me they didn't talk about this and how this was painful for both of them :')#To make myself feel better. I like the thought of Athena kind of keeping him up to date :'D as he's her pet you know?#okay so this next bit ain't angst but imagine Hermione just coming in staring in the dark with the classic:#“Mom. Dad. I frew up🥺”#scaring the shit outta both her poor parents. Yeah I know she had nurses with her most likely but it's cute and fun!!!#I'm sorry but that's so fucking funny to me. I think every Parent has experienced that I'm pretty sure.#odysseus#menelaus#tagamemnon#greek mythology#this'll probably flop but oh well xD My homies can get sad with me >:)#odyssey#the odyssey#telemachus#hermione#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#helen of sparta#penelope#odypen
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Michael and Helen are now my actual gender. When I say I like to confuse people by existing I mean I like to make my eldritch corridor pop up and torment you but either only you can see it or only you can open it. Then once you’re inside I will eat you sanity or turn you into me. Have a nice day in my freaky house!
#the magnus archives#tma#tma memes#michael shelley#michael distortion#helen distortion#the spiral#Michael’s origin is really sad to me#baby boy did not deserve that#fuck you gertrude send a different twink to stop the ritual
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fucking hate this guy design came to me in a vision. I feel like he would wear tap shoes.... unpopular opinion but object head/monsterous Bill is better than anime boy tumblr sexy man Bill
#the vision is that I got a brain worm and he is triangle shaped#also can we talk about the insane crack ship the brainworm in my brain got going on#you got Bill Cipher a god damn triangle dating Helen Distortion from TMA a damn eldritch monster#fucking wild I hate them (why are they actually a kinda cute couple what is up with that)#bill cipher#gravity falls#gravity falls fanart#gravity falls bill cipher#human bill cipher#object head
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Young!John Wick x Model!Reader Imagine
Imagine you are the love of John Wick's life...
You meet in Paris when he’s a young man. You spend a mind-blowing night together, and watch the sun rise from Sacré-Coeur. He disappears, and you’re devastated because no one has ever made you feel that way, and you’re certain you’ll never see him again. But throughout the years he keeps finding you as you travel for work. He kisses you silly in the Gamla Stan of Stockholm, makes you cum on his fingers in a dark club in London, and when he leaves you utterly wrecked in Rome you know that you’re in love with this man. You don’t know exactly what he does for a living, but you’re not stupid. You’ve memorized every inch of his body, and you notice as his collection of scars multiplies over the years. You are half convinced he's a spy, but then there are the tattoos...ominous as they are captivating, they suggest membership in a darker world than the shadows of international espionage. You cannot reconcile it. How can this sweet man, this man who makes you laugh, who brings you joy and such exquisite pleasure, be a part of such a violent occupation? When you finally get up the courage to ask him he just shakes his head, and says it’s better you don’t know before kissing you in that way that utterly scrambles your brain cells.
-It all started in Paris with a broken heel... You nearly fell into traffic, but a strong arm around your waist snatched you back from death.
You hid against his chest for a long moment, even though he was a total stranger, because he felt so safe. You were in Paris for your first Fashion Week—and you were so lost. It’s the 1990s, a dark age in which we didn’t have handheld computers to pleasantly tell us where to go, and we used archaic documents to find our way known as paper maps...And you’d left yours in your hotel accidentally.
You look up to see kind brown eyes fixed down on you. “Are you alright?” You hate to think it, but you are so relieved to hear an American accent. You have been yelled at no less than three times in French that day, and even if you totally deserved it, you're a bit gun shy now.
“Yes. Thank you. Jesus, I...” You look at the traffic barreling by at breakneck speed, a chill running down your spine. “Thank you,” you say again. You look up at him, really look at him, and realize you're in the arms of the most handsome man you've ever seen—and you work in fashion.
“You're welcome.”
He seems as taken by you as you are by him, and for a stretch of long moments you just stand there staring at each other like moon-eyed idiots. He looks down, suddenly shy. It's totally endearing. “Sorry,” he apologizes, releasing you slowly. You teeter on your broken heel, and you can tell he is ready to grab you again if he has to. This protectiveness makes a surprising warmth bloom in your heart.
“Do you...need help getting somewhere?” he asks. You wonder if it’s that obvious you’re lost. Usually you'd be wary of that question from a stranger. You've dealt with so many creeps throughout your life. But somehow you sense that he’s sincere.
“I guess I'd better get back to my hotel.”
Sebastiano was going to kill you. You broke a $600 pair of heels...well maybe Gucci should have made them better, the lazy bastards.
“Can I get you a cab?”
With your broken heel, you guess you’re not hoofing it back. “Sure.” He hails one down, and you’re delighted when he climbs in with you, speaking to the driver in perfect French, bless him.
“Where are we headed?” You give him the name of your hotel, and he repeats it the way it’s supposed to be said. Oh. No wonder the previous drivers gave you such contemptuous looks… You took Spanish in high school, ok? You can read French but have zero experience speaking it.
When you arrive at the hotel your savior thrusts a wad of Francs through the window before you have a chance to even open your purse, and helps you out of the cab. You are totally leaning against his arm more than you have to. You can feel the hard curve of his bicep beneath the fine fabric of his suit, and it makes you a little giddy. Only once you’re safe in the lobby does he seem willing to release you, though somehow your hand has ended up in his, and you find you don’t really want to let go. “Are you doing anything later?” you ask boldly, before he can disappear back into the bustle of Paris and you’ll never find him again.
He pays you a melancholy smile that squeezes your heart for some reason. “Unfortunately, I have to work,” he says. You make a pouty face that draws his attention to your lips. The intensity in those dark eyes is thrilling. “Maybe if I finish early…I could join you?”
You know you grin like an idiot at this suggestion. “I’ll be at the Versace afterparty. I could…have your name put on the list?”
This seems to amuse him for some reason, his mouth twisting in a smirk. “I can find you,” he says, and your heart flutters. In fact, when he presses his lips to your knuckles, your heart attempts to flutter right out of your chest.
He turns to go but you call, “Wait!” He pauses. “What’s your name?”
The smile he pays you is heart stopping. “Jardani,” he answers quietly. “But everyone calls me John.” You bite your lip, nodding, very pleased with this new bit of information, sensing that maybe he’s told you something just for you. “I hope I get to see you later.”
He nods too, touching your cheek lightly. “You will.”
It sounds like a promise.
-You should be beside yourself with excitement because you’re walking your first runway in Paris, and this could be the moment that makes or breaks your career, but the real reason for your nerves is the hope that you’ll see him again.
-The show goes great. You kill it. Sebastiano, your friend and the designer you’d modeled for, can hardly contain himself. But you find you’re just watching the clock ticking down the seconds until later.
-John does find you later. You have a drink, and you dance, and from the adoring way he looks at you, you feel brave enough to ask if he wants to go someplace quieter. You go for a little walk, and even though it’s the wee hours of the morning you feel perfectly safe with this man. He kisses you on the Pont Alexandre, his hands in your hair, and your fingers curl in the lapels of his jacket to hold him to you. You ask if he wants to go back to your hotel, and he agrees. This man looks at you like you are something irreplaceably precious, and you don’t know how you’ll let him go.
-He is strong. In your hotel room he picks you up by your thighs and presses you into the wall, kissing you senseless before carrying you to the bed. His hands are calloused, but he’s so gentle with you. He touches you like you were made for him, like he was born knowing how to make you see stars. He claims you with his hands and his mouth and his big, beautiful cock deep inside you, and you know you’ll never be the same after this. You’ve been disappointed so many times that you almost don’t know how to handle an encounter going this well.
-When he stirs in the blue light of pre-dawn your arms tighten around him. You’re not even awake yet, but you don’t want him to leave. He kisses you behind the ear and you practically purr. “Want to see the second most beautiful sight in Paris?”
“Yes,” you agree.
“Bring your camera.” You’d told him about your interest in photography. Maybe modeling was paying the bills, but you’d actually majored in fine art, and minored in literature. Naturally, your interests make for shit at paying bills.
Sleepily you get dressed. It takes a little longer than usual because you can’t stop kissing each other between pulling on garments. Soft, slow kisses that curl your toes. You sense deep down that every one of them is infused with apology, and goodbye. It breaks your heart, but greedily you’ll take every second with him you can get.He takes you to Sacré-Coeur in the heart of Montmartre, the very roof of Paris. You sit on the steps and watch the sun rise over the city, fiery oranges and pinks painting the sky and rendering the buildings aglow. It truly is beautiful, but you don’t lift your lens to try to capture it. You sit with your arm linked with his, and experience this moment with him as fully as you can. You want to remember everything.
“You didn’t take a picture,” he teases once the sun has cheerfully risen above the horizon.
You pull out the camera and frame him in your lens, his sleepy smile and bed-mussed hair. You feel something shift in your heart as your finger depresses the button. Click. You’re not sure if it’s the camera in your hand, or something settling into place in your heart that has always belonged there.
“Now I have the first most beautiful sight in Paris,” you say.
He laughs at that. “I meant that was you,” he insists, lacing his fingers with yours, kissing the back of your hand. He takes you to breakfast, and you enjoy dark coffee and delectably crafted pastries with your legs tangled together under the table. Afterwards he takes you back to your hotel, and in the gilt-appointed lobby somehow you know what’s coming.
“I have to go,” he says sadly. You actually believe his regret isn’t an act.
You nod, leaning into his large hand on your cheek.
“I’ll never forget you, y/n.”
A shuddering sigh escapes you, and you close your eyes. You are not going to cry.
“Likewise, I promise you.”
You don’t exchange any further information. You know that if it was possible to see him again, he would have offered it to you. There is something mysterious about this man. Something almost…forbidden, and a part of you knows that the little time you stole together was a precious gift.
He kisses you one last time, a passionate, soul-rending thing that leaves you utterly weak in the knees. He says nothing more, pressing his forehead to yours one final time before turning to go. You watch his tall, dark form exit the hotel into the Paris morning, and you know he’s taking a piece of your heart with him as he goes.
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tbc because goddamn this got long...
part deux >>
#john wick#john wick x reader#john wick x you#john wick x y/n#ok so maybe you are helen?#but its written from your pov so you're welcome lol#john wick x helen#keanu reeves#keanu x you#keanu reeves x you#keanu reeves x reader#ernff i just saw JW4 last week#that sunset tho#fucked me up
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I can't find the post, but a user said their headcanon Lip was jealous of Ian because of his relationship with Monica, the “closeness" they had, earning the title of the favorite kid by Monica standards, something something. That 1x10 scene with Lip and Monica tells you everything you need to know about his feelings towards her. He wants to love her but refuses, understandably so. And it's obvious Helene is ominously written to fill that motherly void Lip has. But I just constantly think of the line "I want to surround myself with minds like Youens and Runyon."
I'm rambling and not making sense but, I honestly believe Lip was Frank's favorite out of the boys. He hated Ian, only used Carl for personal gain and liked him for it, was too I'll to genuinely "value" Liam. Not to say that being Frank's favorite is ok 💀 Lip was obviously Youens favorite student, as fucky as their relationship was, and here comes Helene. He was Helene's "special student." What a way to feel like a favorite student by two professors that only feed the void your parents created.
Youens will always be an alcoholic no matter how much you wish he cared for you. His own daughter resented him. You're reliving what Frank created. And Helene, you want her to be with you, you nurture you cause your mom never could and she found a new kid to emotionally manipulate. Even if she had good intentions with him in S5, she took advantage of a vulnerable teenager. ANYWAY, back to Lip.
Really, wanting to be your professor's favorite student to see if it somehow fills that parental void. Only for both your biological father and "chosen" father to die, alcohol related deaths by the way. Then there's your biological mom who died and you never rebuilt your relationship with her because why would you. Not only did you find a mommy you could slide your dick in, the bitch groomed you, left you high and dry, just like Monica, and then you relapsed. You thought you could fill that Monica hole with her, but, just like with your "dads," you ended up with no mom either. I'm rambling, ate a lot of sugar and this is the result, I'm thinking about Lip again.
Lip I'm so sorry. You're a tragic fuck. I love you.
#shameless#shameless us#lip gallagher#frank gallagher#monica gallagher#helene#youens#lip you deserved better#its hard cause i hate you sm#but i love you#such a well written character#fuck man
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I highly recommend watching Beast of the Southern Wild if you want to keep repeating ‘Well why don’t they just leave?’ for every worsening hurricane season until the massive natural disasters due to climate destruction finally reach where you live. So then you can maybe learn to recognize that there never will be and never has been a ‘just do’ anything for everyone, even people in your own community.
#fuck OFF#hurricanes#natural disasters#hurricane helene#hurricane katrina#Beast of the Southern Wild#I mean the movie is so much more than that#but like#just to get an idea#a glimpse of what it’s like#to not be the magical person you immagine you are#who can see the future and will always have everything you need
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My love, mine all mine || A webweave studying Miranda's part in Miranda/MC themes :)
#its about the soulmates the obsession the posession and the way miranda tears the world asunder FOR you. its about tragedy and the love.#ALWAYS about the love. ugly and scarred and encompassing and so so real. im being so normal about it#resident lover#resident lover spoilers#resident lover mc#mother miranda#mother miranda x reader#maria clara lover#helene salazar#lee makes stuff#web weaving#also saying fuck it we ball bc im going to go 72 hours no sleep and i just need. a moment to meow for miranda. real.
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I’m attracted to the Distortions but ONLY if they’re depicted as fucked up as possible. Fuck twinkifying them and making them Conventionally Attractive Humanoids, I want canon-typical fucked up proportions 👁👁
.
#oh real as fuck#you anon are a true monsterfucker#magpod#tma#the magnus archives#the distortion#helen distortion#michael distortion#magpod confession
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