#fuck texas jennifer anyways

[moonysfavoritetoast]

last time my mom saw mike and cat she told them my preferred name + pronouns and they’re supportive :3

[souvenirsofsurgery]

monty’s horror movie list

no one follows me for this but i’m back in my horror movie obsession era so here we go. some of them are good, some of them are bad (but I love them), and some of them are kind of unacceptable, like, morally tbh, I’m sorry

anyway, in no particular order:

mother!: I just watched this one today so it’s on my mind. get ready to be stressed out by deeply uncomfortable social situations for like, the first hour and a half and then genuinely disturbed for the last twenty minutes. i finished this and then sat in my room mouthing “what the fuck, what the fuck”. v good, 10/10

Orphan: What if you adopted a kid but they sucked?

Absentia: I was really impressed, cause this was like a low-budget, crowd funded movie but it’s so so good. This one is about a woman whose husband went missing years ago, a creepy tunnel, and family relationships. V quiet and sad

Possum: Not very much happens in this movie for a long time but the atmosphere is so good, and it’s genuinely creepy. The ending also made me so uncomfortable I almost couldn’t watch it, so there’s that

The Wolf House: Incredible unsettling stop-motion animation, and I’m a sucker for good animation. Makes more sense if you know a little Chilean history, but it’s interesting even without that context

Amityville: It’s About Time: Jumping right from that foreign arthouse film into cheesy schlock, what if a clock made people evil and fucked up?

Hell House LLC: More! Schlock! This is a fake documentary/found footage movie about people trying to make a haunted house in an old hotel... but what if it was haunted for real??

Host (the 2020 shudder original): Unfriended if it was good

Hereditary: Made me sad :( This was one of the first movies to genuinely scare me in a while, and my sister-in-law won’t even let anyone talk to her about it. The story about a family dealing with grief and complicated relationships is also just so interesting to me, this one’s in my top 10

Anything for Jackson: Reverse possession movie: they try to put a spirit IN someone! Hell yeah. So many good, weird ghosts in here, I love some good, weird ghosts

13 Ghosts: (the early 2000s remake) Speaking of good weird ghosts. What if your estranged uncle died and left you a house but there was a ghost jail in the basement? I just rewatched this movie with my little brother and remembered how much I love it. Very schlocky, Matthew Lillard’s acting is off the fucking walls and I love it, why does he act like that??

Kindred: One of the only “is it in her head, or is it real?” movies where I actually really wasn’t sure. It’s about a woman whose husband dies right before she’s about to give birth, so she ends up staying with his family and slowly starts to question their motives

Parents: What if you were just a little kid and you started to suspect your parents were eating people?

Basket Case: I’m not crying over a B movie, I’m not crying over a B movie. In this one, two conjoined twins are surgically separated against their wills, with one of them getting thrown in the trash. As adults, they start hunting down the doctors who did it to them

The Poughkeepsie Tapes: Very depressing fake documentary about a serial killer. Just fucked up and sad

The Taking of Deborah Logan: One of the few found footage movies that I think is actually good. A small documentary crew goes to film a woman and her aging mother who’s suffering from dementia, but they start to think that... huh, maybe this is something a little worse than dementia...

Ju-On: The Grudge (the original Japanese one): this movie just freaks me out, I don’t like how Kayako moves around, I don’t like the sounds she makes, and I don’t like her weird little son

The Ring (the American remake): I saw this movie when I was like 8 bc someone recorded it over the Willy Wonka VHS I’d gotten from the thrift store, and I’ve been fucked up ever since. In it, a woman sees a cursed tape that will make you die in seven days, and has to try and figure out how to save herself before then. GREAT atmosphere, very creepy

Sadako Vs Kayako: What if the girl from the Grudge and the girl from the Ring fought each other? Hell yeah. Plus, love that a ghost hunter comes to help with the situation and he’s got a random mean little girl with him. People are like “why is she here?” and he’s just like “she’s my associate” okay?? Where did she come from??? I’m obsessed with this movie

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: A classic. Rancid, nasty atmosphere, just feels gross, 10/10 

Society: Rich people suck so so bad and are very fucked up

House of 1000 Corpses: I love this movie and I’m sorry, its just some disgusting, campy fun. Like, what if your car broke down the night before halloween and ended up in a house with some terrible (but very entertaining) people?

Oculus: The idea of being a little kid, stuck in the house while your parents are slowly losing it, or potentially being possessed by something evil, is really scary to me. This movie does it so well. It moves back and forth from the main characters going through that in their childhoods, to them as adults, back in the house where it happened, and it’s so so good

Hellraiser: You tell me it’s about the blurry line between pleasure and pain and I watch it. The designs for the cenobites are so good. I like this first one a lot, but I also really enjoy the second one bc the torture dimension looks like MC Escher designed it and it’s sick as hell

The Others: This is one of my favorite, like, classic haunted house kind of movie. A mother keeps her kids inside an old mansion, with all the curtains drawn, because they have an illness that means they can’t go in the sunlight. Very, very creepy

The Blair Witch Project: This one just feels so real, I’ve never seen another found footage movie that reached this level. The actors knocked it out of the park, how am I so freaked out just by a couple of people wandering around the woods? It’s the blueprint, honestly

A Nightmare on Elm Street: You guys know this one, he gets you in your dreams! Probably my favorite of the classic slashers, I love some good old practical effects. my brother actually just bought me the WHOLE box set for my birthday so I’m gonna start working though the ones I haven’t seen yet 

Jennifer’s Body: What if your best friend, who you have a very homoerotic relationship with, started eating dudes? Iconic. No, but seriously, this movie has a lot more going on than you might think 

House of Wax (the 2000s remake): Bad, but so good. It’s really got that uncanny valley thing going on, love that fucked up wax museum

Ichi the Killer: Pretty unacceptable, I can’t in good conscience tell you to watch this movie, but it’s definitely an experience. Very very very violent, like super violent, but in the wildest fucking ways. Basically, what if you were a masochistic Yakuza member with a weird joker mouth and you just wanted a sadistic vigilante to beat the absolute shit out of you? Anyway, I think there’s something wrong with Takashi Miike and probably also me

Black Christmas: This is one of the og og slashers. It’s about girls getting killed in a sorority house, but surprisingly it’s like, not really an exploitation film, and I really like the characters. Good, unsettling killer, too

The Baby: WEIRD. Weird and uncomfortable. I’m not trying to kink shame anyone when I say this, but it’s probably definitely a fetish thing. In it, a social worker takes on the case of a family with an adult son who they’re claiming has the mind of a baby. This one’s probably kind of unacceptable too, to be honest with you

[king-gob]

What’s a good comic that doesn’t involve superheroes?

oh buddy. pal. friendo. I’ll limit myself to books currently running to keep this only a single mile long. Note that depending on how loose your definition of “superhero” is will affect this. I’ve seen people call John McClane a superhero so yeah.

Something is Killing the Children

by James Tynion IV and Werther Dell'Edera (Boom! Studios)

Kids have been going missing in a sleepy woodland town. A strange woman named Erica arrives, determined to do something about it. She partners with a young boy who claims to have seen the thing stalking the town, and things quickly spiral further out of control. Well-written characters and fantastic art. Easily my favorite book running right now.

The Department of Truth

by James Tynion IV and Martin Simmonds (Image)

Cole Turner is an FBI agent who specializes in conspiracy theories and the deleterious effect it has on the minds of people obsessed with them. Unfortunately for him, he is about to discover that there is more going on under the surface than he realized and belief is far more powerful than he could ever imagine. Tynion is quickly becoming one of my favorite writers, and Simmonds’s art is even better here than it was in Dying Is Easy (which I also recommend). This series has one of the best first issues I’ve ever read, and I was hooked instantly. A definite recommend if you are as interested in conspiracy theories as I am.

Fire Power

by Robert Kirkman and Chris Samnee (Image)

Owen Johnson is a regular dad in the suburbs. He has a great wife, two kids and a job working at his father-in-law’s antique shop. What sets him apart is that he had spent years of his early life in a Shaolin temple, mastering martial arts, including the legendary Fire Power, the ability to generate fire from his body. He has long since turned his back on his order and the responsibilities they demand, but his former life is not ready to let him go. Written by Robert Kirkman, creator of The Walking Dead and with art by the great Chris Samnee, Fire Power is a great martial arts comic, recommended for fans of Street Fighter or anyone who likes seeing monks and ninjas beat each other up. I definitely recommend starting from the “Volume 0″ prequel trade. It’s not ESSENTIAL but I believe the story flows much better with it that way.

Fear Case

by Matt Kindt and Tyler Jenkins (Dark Horse)

Two Secret Service agents are investigating the Fear Case, the Service’s oldest open case. All agents are put on the case, but are only given a single year to investigate, as the case has the tendency to ruin the lives of those who get too close. Winters and Mitchum are in the last three weeks before they have to turn the case over, but they are closer than anyone has gotten in the history of the Service to getting their hands on the legendary box. But the closer they get, the more bodies they seem to find, and the duo’s mental and emotional limits are stretched to their breaking point. Everything Matt Kindt writes is worth reading, and this series is no different. Recommended for fans of the X-Files and other supernatural mysteries.

I Breathed a Body

by Zac Thompson and Andy MacDonald (Aftershock)

Telling too much about this comic would honestly be spoiling it. In the not-too-distant future, the biggest social media influencer in the world posts something horrific and the macabre lengths his PR team go to to handle it. The art is extremely good at showing the body horror involved and while I do recommend the comic, be warned, it is *extremely* fucked up. Excellent horror comic.

Once and Future

by Kieron Gillen and Dan Mora (Boom! Studios)

Terrorists resurrect King Arthur in a bid for power, but it turns out that the english legend is not what they thought or bargained for. Now, a retired monster hunter and her archeologist grandson must turn back the tide of returning myths before the world is irreversibly plunged into darkness. But their family history has plenty of shadows of their own. Really great book from two of my favorite creators, and really love the way they play with the metatextual nature of the myths and legends involved. Very fun.

Seven Secrets

by Tom Taylor and Daniele Di Nicuolo (Boom! Studios)

A clandestine order protects seven briefcases which hold seven secrets. However, a betrayal from within threatens to reveal those secrets, and Caspar, the son of two former protectors of the Seven Secrets, must discover the truth before all is lost. Tom Taylor is a fantastic writer that makes everything he writes infectiously fun, and with Di Nicuolo’s great eye for action scenes, this is an adventure book worth checking out.

Stillwater

by Chip Zdarsky and Ramón K. Pérez (Image)

A promise of a substantial inheritance brings Daniel West and his friend to the quiet town of Stillwater. However, they quickly realize the town’s sinister secret: in Stillwater, nobody dies. And as the marketing for the book says, that’s not just a promise, it’s a threat. Good writing and an intriguing mystery. Highly recommended.

That Texas Blood

by Chris Condon and Jacob Phillips (Image)

The murder of his brother brings an aspiring writer back to the Texas town of his youth, and puts him on a violent road to his own undoing. Fantastic writing. If you’re like me and love dark neo-western and crime stories, then I honestly can’t recommend this book enough. Look elsewhere if you want happy endings.

We Only Find Them When They’re Dead

by Al Ewing and Simone Di Meo (Boom! Studios)

Captain Malik and his crew pilot an autopsy ship, so named because they harvest meat, metal and other materials from the fresh corpses of dead gods that appear on the edge of space. Malik wants to see a living god, and is willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. But the ghosts of his past haunt him, and until he confronts them, making history won’t be easy. Fantastic cosmic sci-fi story with gorgeous art by Di Meo. Recommended for people who love stories set in space, and also for people who love long panels.

American Ronin

by Peter Milligan and ACO (AWA Upshot)

In a future where supercorporations rule everyone’s lives (I know that may be hard to visualize but try to imagine it), war is fought not by nations, but by enhanced operatives carrying out all manner of assassinations and espionage. But when one unnamed operative breaks his programming and goes on the hunt, the entire sick system is about to be violently brought down. Really interesting protagonist who has a great ability. Hunt down his targets by ingesting their DNA to learn how they think, and then using that empathic ability to get inside their heads. The cat and mouse games are really fun, and I highly recommend for anyone who likes superspy stories or seeing complex plans pay off.

Casual Fling

by Jason Starr and Dalibor Talajić (AWA Upshot)

Jennifer Ryan is a successful lawyer with a loving family and a great career, but a bad decision (that is, cheating on her stay-at-home husband) made on a whim has disastrous consequences. Saying much more would be spoiling, but there is definitely something sinister going on beneath the surface. Made in the style of erotic thrillers like Fatal Attraction and Eyes Wide Shut, this book features very well-written, realistic characters and importantly (to me anyway) refuses to condemn the protagonist while not shying away from the destructive results of her mistakes. I picked this book up because I liked Jason Starr’s previous book, Red Border, and enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would. Recommended.

Bitter Root

by David F. Walker, Chuck Brown and Sanford Greene (Image)

In 1920s Harlem, a long-standing family of monster hunters is splintering. Tragedy and conflicting worldviews are tearing them apart, and they’re going to need to stand together if they want to save New York City from the darkness that’s coming. Hate is a powerful thing, but also a cancer, and it’s about to metastasize. Really great worldbuilding and immediately likeable characters. Despite having a lot of themes about hate and prejudice (and utilizing them particularly well, in my opinion), the book is an exceptional action story. David F. Walker is a favorite writer of mine (See: Shaft, Nighthawk, Luke Cage) and Chuck Brown wrote the incredibly fun On the Stump (also highly recommended). The issues also feature essays from black scholars who expand on some of the historical events and themes that are present in the book, if you’re into that sort of thing (which I am). I’m not sure if those are in the trades, though.

Honorable Mentions/Books that I am too tired to give the full treatment to right now: Babyteeth (Aftershock) Chained to the Grave (IDW) Dead Dog’s Bite (Dark Horse) Decorum (Image) Deep Beyond (Image) Dryad (Oni Press) Family Tree (Image) The Goon (Albatross Funnybooks) Killadelphia (Image) Nocterra (Image) Neil Gaiman’s Norse Mythology (Dark Horse) Orcs (Boom! Studios) Orphan and the Five Beasts (Dark Horse) Outcast (Image) Proctor Valley Road (Boom! Studios) Redneck (Image) Sea of Sorrows (IDW) Second Coming (AHOY Comics) Silver Coin (Image) Tartarus (Image) Two Moons (Image) Undiscovered Country (Image) Undone by Blood (Aftershock) Vampire: The Masquerade (Vault Comics) Wynd (Boom! Studios) Year Zero (AWA Upshot) Honorable Mentions/Books that have ended but you should check out: A Walk Through Hell (Aftershock) American Born Chinese (First Second) American Vampire (DC Comics) Animosity (Aftershock) Archangel 8 (AWA Upshot) Bad Reception (Aftershock) Basketful of Heads (DC Comics) Black Science (Image) Blacksad (Dark Horse) Chew (Image) Dark Ark (Aftershock) Dark Red (Aftershock) Daytripper (DC Comics) Dead Day (Aftershock) Devil’s Highway (AWA Upshot) The Dollhouse Family (DC Comics) East of West (Image) Folklords (Boom! Studios) Gideon Falls (Image) God Country (Image) Grendel, KY (AWA Upshot) Hotell (AWA Upshot) Infidel (Image) Knights Temporal (Aftershock) Locke and Key (IDW) The Low, Low Woods (DC Comics) The Man Who Fucked Up Time (Aftershock) Midnight Nation (Image) Nailbiter (Image) Orc Stain (Image) Pestilence (Aftershock) Plunge (DC Comics) Preacher (DC Comics) Pride of Baghdad (DC Comics) Red Border (AWA Upshot) The Red Mother (Boom! Studios) The Replacer (Aftershock) Scalped (DC Comics) Scott Pilgrim (Oni Press) Strange Skies Over East Berlin (Boom! Studios) Tokyo Ghost (Image) Transmetropolitan (DC Comics) Unholy Grail (Aftershock) The Wicked + The Divine (Image) Y: The Last Man (DC Comics)

[culebratia]

Honest opinions on horror villains

Okay so I love horror villains and horror in general. Most of them are really interesting and have a sort of grotesque charm to them that I can’t really describe, it draws you to them and pulls you into wanting more. But there are some horror villains that are either overrated and underrated, and today I’m here to discuss some of them! (I’d like to reiterate that I don’t hate any of these characters, I actually like them all! But I’m just talking in a general perspective and my view on their popularity and the actual movie they come from.)

LESLIE VERNON

* overrated.

* okay, I know, people are going to get upset at me over this. This was an amazing movie, they said. It’s so new and different from the others, they said. And I completely understand that! It’s unique and inventive and I love the whole premise of the movie, but goddamn did it bore me..

* I like Leslie Vernon as a character, but I don’t love him like I do with other characters. He’s cool! I adore his slasher design, but his personality bores me a little bit at times. There are some points where my emotions and feelings on the guy are a little bit like a rollercoaster — up and down, up and down, up and down. It’s crazy.

* once again, I like the concept of his movie, but the way it was presented in a filmmaking point of view is underwhelming.

ART THE CLOWN

* underrated.

* there are three movies I know of with Art in them: The 9th Circle, All Hallow’s Eve and Terrifer. And all of them are equally shit, which is to be expected since it was written and directed by a young guy who specialises in special effects. But damn was Art interesting to watch.

* there are some points in the movies where I think “why couldn’t he have starred in a better made film?” because if that were so, he’d get so much more publicity! Art is an absolutely terrifying demon clown creature, way more scary than Pennywise, and people from around the world should know his name! He’s the only character in all the movies who actually has good actors.

* shitty movie, fantastic character. I hope to see more of him.

MICHAEL MYERS

* overrated by a milestone.

* look, I’m all for Michael Myers. He’s hot, lemme tell you that. But he’s a really boring character. It’s all the same (apart from the 3rd movie)! Michael returns to his hometown to find and kill Laurie, killing a whole other group of people who she happens to be involved with at some time during the movie.

* when I watch a horror movie, I want to have the villain to have some sort of character. At least with Jason, you can see some emotion in him which defines him as a whole! But with Michael? He’s a clean slate, and that is soo uninteresting.

* first two movies were great, others were unneeded honestly.

BILLY LENZ

* underrateeeeed.

* stinky attic boy needs some love. He is what started the slasher genre for peats sake and yet everyone overlooks him as a horror villain. Let me tell you, that phone scene in the beginning was absolutely fucking terrifying when I first watched it, and it’s still unsettling to this day even after I’ve watched it a million fucking times.

* we never even got to see Billy’s face properly throughout the whole movie and yet he made such an impact on everyone who ever watched Black Christmas! And that ending scene? Perfect cliffhanger. (The remake was shit compared to the original)

* great movie, great character, needs more credit.

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE

* overrated.

* bet y’all are shocked at this aren’t you? He’s the character I most often write for. But that’s really because he’s heavily requested. I actually don’t really like him all that much, too much exposure I guess. I mean I have nothing against his character as a whole, he’s attractive to me and interesting but I don’t actually know.

* now the movie is something I do know about though: bullshit. Absolutely terrible. A basic plot line (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing sometimes, it just needs to be played out right) and a director which results to cheap jump scares because apparently that’s ‘scary’. The movie as a whole is so predictable and it never scared me once when I went to watch it at the cinema. I can understand why people like it though.

* decent(?) character, bad movie.

OTIS DRIFTWOOD + family

* underrated.

* okay this might have something to do with my weakness for Bill Moseley, scarily cute women and clowns, but man do I love the Firefly family. Each and every character, even the ones we barely see, within the family is so perfectly polished and unique, and I love Rob Zombie for it. He can’t write dialogue for shit but man do I love his horror villains.

* although the first movie was very confusing at some points. Like, what?? What was with that ending? It was a very good movie in my opinion and was actually pretty horrifying. It used things that disgust us and manipulated that to terrify every single one of its viewers and that’s perfect. Hated the protagonists though.

* fantastic movie, great villains, shitty protagonists,

FREDDY KRUEGER

* overrated.

* now don’t get me wrong, I love Freddy, I grew up loving Freddy. He’s witty and fun to watch, maybe not like Chucky, but after a while he gets so repetitive that it gets really really annoying. Couldn’t they think of something unique and interesting for him to say instead of him just calling everyone a bitch??

* the writing becomes boring after a while, the directors add so many unnecessary features, weaknesses and powers we had no clue even existed up until this very point, and it’s overall not a very good franchise when you get into it. I enjoyed the first and seventh movie a lot, but all of the other ones didn’t really excite me all that much.

* okay character, okay movie, but isn’t worth all the attention.

NUBBINS SAWYER, DRAYTON SAWYER, CHOP-TOP SAWYER + GRANDPA SAWYER

* un👏🏽der👏🏽ra👏🏽ted

* these boys deserve just the same amount of attention that Leatherface does. I know that Bubba is a really cool character, and he deserves attention too! But that doesn’t mean that his family get to be left out. Each and every single one of them helped shape the Texas Chainsaw franchise to what it is today, and honestly it wouldn’t have been as amazing without them in it.

* Texas Chainsaw has so many metaphors within it nobody really goes into. When we first meet Nubbins and he’s kicked out of the van, Franklin very obviously points out “would you be able to do that?” referring to Nubbins slicing his hand up, and later on we see Franklin blowing raspberries at his friends due to the fact that he couldn’t go upstairs because of his disability, which is exactly what Nubbins was doing when he couldn’t get into the van. This area is the director exploring the ways that people could so easily turn into madness without people realising it.

* Drayton Sawyer is your average looking fellow who runs the Sawyer household, but he is not average at all. He’s sadistic, witty, hypocritical, and surprisingly still a Christian. He claims that he “doesn’t like to do the killing” and yet he’s shown constantly poking and prodding at the final girls like they’re some caged animals, living only for the pleasure of himself. The fact that he’s an elderly man basically screams “wolf in sheeps clothing”, because usually when you see an elderly person, you assume them to be kind and wise, whereas, Drayton can’t even spell ‘sex’ correctly.

* Chop-Top wasn’t present in the first movie sadly, but it’s explained why, which is understandable in a filmmaking perspective. He is probably the most terrifying character out of the bunch. He’s impulsive, disgusting, and absolutely fucking insane. Whether or not this is due to his time in Vietnam I don’t know, but man does it make a great affect. And that time in the movie where he was introduced? It was absolutely heavenly. No one in today’s horror industry would build up suspense like that and cause so much raw fear from a petty jump scare. The fact that he carries around his damn brothers corpse like he’s puppet, treating him like he’s still a living being adds onto the scare factor as well.

* great villains, good movies, everything after TCSM2 wasn’t really very good though.

Okay, now that’s over and done with! Let me show you my top ten favourite horror villains (from actual horror movies), you’ll either be completely shocked or completely not! :)

Pinhead — love the creature design. Fantastic personality and concept. Annoyed he’s not a woman.

Bubba Sawyer — baby boy needs love. And affection. And kisses. And basically anything positive. We must protect him.

Chop-Top Sawyer — terrified me when I first saw him as a kid. I wanna fuck Bill Moseley. I love his personality. Wish his movie came out.

Captain Spaulding — funny ass motherfucker. Always cracks me up. I want him to be my daddy.

Hannibal Lecter — interesting in a psychological perspective. Has a way to make your skin crawl without doing much.

Art the Clown — scarier than Pennywise. I wish his movies were better. Why didn’t Terrifier make it obvious he was a demon?

Otis Driftwood — boy’s a hottie. But please stop fucking corpses. Once again, Bill Moseley.

Stu Macher — first fictional crush. He’s my irl type of guy. I dated a guy like him once.

Jennifer Check — movie was ahead of its time. Legit was about having a succubus gf. Lesbian scene was hot. I’m gay for Meagan Fox.

Billy Lenz — terrifying phone calls. Nasty boi. The remakes will never be as great as the OG Black Christmas.

Anyways, so that’s it! It’s past midnight currently so I might just go to bed lol but whatever. I’ve wanted to write this out for a whiiile but decided to just get it over with now. I’ll say it all again: every character I write for, I like, I just have different levels of like, so please no hate over this. Thanks!

[popculturebuffet]

Comics Corner: Child’s Play #1 “Night of the Living Doll”

S

Happy days before Halloween everybody. While I have an X-tra Spooky treat planned for the day itself, I thought i’d start branching out from X-Men Comics (though that will be my primary focus), with a comic i’ve been dying to read since I found out it existed: The Child’s Play mini series from innovation comic, one of only two series and 10 comics overall starring your faviorite murder doll and mine: Charles “Chucky” Lee Ray. Also contains a slasher off to see who would win between Chucky and some classsic killers because the comic put the idea in my brain. Wanna Play? Then join me after the cut. 

WARNING: This review contains scenes of Gore. While I did try to cut it down being a horror comic about a slasher villain, this was inevitable, Discretion is advised. 

Child’s Play is a horror franchise I absoltuley love. While i’ve procastinated on seeing the DTV sequels, not that I think their bad i’m just a forgetful mess sometimes, and Seed, because no amount of Jennifer Tilly or intresting gender identity issue stuff will compensate for me having to watch Chucky masturbate, I have followed the series for years, afraid to watch it because I wasn’t a huge horror fan at the time and Chucky scared the shit out of me as a kid. Eventually I realized that despite my fear I loved the franchise for it’s thoroughly interesting killer, entertaining kills, and at it’s best great stories and at it’s worst so bad it’s good royalty. Even the Don Manncini, creator of the series and writer of every film and director of three, disowned remake is pretty good if thoroughly it’s own thing.�� So naturally a Mini-Series taking place between 2 and 3 that may fit neatly into continuity, this is my shit and i’m so happy to finally read it. 

For the lapsed and unintiated, the Chucky/Child’s Play series, the original anyway the remake is it’s own thing and has it’s own backstory, follows Charles Lee Ray, aka Chucky, a serial killer who in desperation to get away from the cop perusing him after his partner ratted him out, used his vodoo knowledge, because every serial killer knows voodoo apparently, to put himself in the nearest vessel, a doll. The rest of the backstory can be covered as we go as the first issue does a really good job of organically explaning it for the unaware. Granted I don’t know if most non child’s play watchers would be intrested in this comic but it’s a nice gesture. 

This mini comes to us from innovation entertainment, a 90′s publishing company that made tie in comics for a number of things, and from writer Andy Mangels who also wrote Innovation’s Nightmare on Elm Street comics, which Linkara has covered in detail if your curious and which i’ll probably cover myself at some point, especially since this issue made a strong impression on me.  Speaking of which, the mini as mentioned takes place between the second and third films, both of which have their own adaptations that i’ll cover eventually, but I felt the original story was more appealing. As far as I can tell there have only been really three bits of media outside the franchise, not counting the aborted video game: A , from all accounts, terrible endless runner game, this mini series, and another mini series from Hack/Slash creator and former Nightwing Maestro Tim Seely, as well as a crossover between Hack/Slash and Chucky from Seely. And having read said crossover and found it excellent and feeling just like the movies in regards to the little shit, I hope to find the mini one day and share it with you lovely people. But even if I had i’d probably be covering this one first since chronological order combined with the fact it seems that mini dosen’t fit into canon anymore and this one might. Now the exposition is out of the way let’s get to the good stuff. 

Since I didn’t really cover the covers in my first two X-Men reviews, and feel I really should going issue by issue it just hadn’t occured to me, let’s look at the cover. It’s decent, kinda a parody of old horror comics covers or old horror movie covers and a nice start to things.. although frankly I would’ve preffered the splash page instead. 

I love it. It’s a nice little gag, and while the blood splatter is partly nonsensical and looks like Chucky just killed a guy to splatter some extra blood about to make his collection look more badass.. though given who we’re dealing with it wouldn’t suprise me, so it dosen’t really detract. That being said being a burgeoning horror fan and having seen films from most of these franchises and knowing enough about those I don’t from other reviewers reviews, i’d be remiss if I didn’t speculate about if Chucky could win against these other titans of terror. PLACE YOUR BETS BITCHES, IT’S A SLASHER OFF. 

Chucky Versus Micheal Meyers: He’d stab him for the love guru. Easy joke aside the horror of haddonefield does have size and strength, even in his old man version from the recent movie and upcoming sequels, over Chucky and while I thought this would be easily him... Chucky has him in speed and agility. He could climb that fucker and stab him up and down, shadow of colossus style, until even Micheal would have to buckle over, or just as likely set an elaborate trap like 2k18 Laurie. Micheal has some intellegence and a Chuck’s own drive not to give up, but that won’t save him from an opponent who’s faster, smarter and just as piss angry stubborn. Chucky wins.  Chucky Versus the Creature from the Black Lagoon: Chucky. The creature is strong but chucky’s craftier and would poison a lake just to kill a bastard.  Chucky Versus Jason: Tough call. Like Micheal, Jason is slow.. but he’s also 20 times more durrable, stronger and way more likely to get Chucky off him. He’s also more likely to use the environment meaning even if I vastly prefer Chucky, it’s a more even fight and more likely to go in Jason’s favor, as any trap Chucky set would likely get walked off. Jason wins.  Chucky Vs The Phantom of the Opera: Not really a traditional slasher and I don’t really know the version that is or the version that isn’t to be frank, but it seems like Erik could take chucky in cleverness and ruthlessness and combined with having home field advantage, i’m calling advantage Erik. He wins.  Chucky Vs Dracula: Okay 1, make this a movie yesterday Mancini and 2, this is a tough one. On the one hand Drac has mist, a horde of brides, wolves and transformation. If it’s home court, Chucky’s gonna die, especially if the count simply uses his brides to seduce him as Chucky is kinda easy that way. But in the US? Chucky is an onry bastard and Dracula has a ton of weakness, so I could see Chucky loosing round one then coming back to kill the bastard at dawn and anyone dumb enough to defend his coffin. Plus Chucky isn’t alone having Tiffany and the ablity to split himself among good guy dolls, so I could see Chucky creating another army of himself to do a suicide run on Drac’s castle. It’d hurt but Chucky is a vengeful dick. Chucky wins. Seriously Mancni get on this.  Chucky Vs Freddy: Depends on the setting: In the Dream World, it’s likely Freddy as he can throw Chuck off guard by giving him his body back or using former survivors, while in the real world it’s Chucky’s turf but Freddy still has knife hands with more reach than his lumbering opponents, so even with prep I expect Chucky to eat that one, so I give it to Freddy. But honestly I prefer Don Mancini’s ACTUAL pitch for a crossover he’s trying to get happening: Chucky and Freddy meet up, and actually admire each other’s style but realize that two killers in town will dry up all the victims so they wage a dirty rotten scoundrel’s style looser leaves town contest: whoever chops up the most teens by dawn stays. I want that yesterday too.  Chucky Vs Xenomorph: If it’s a facehugger as shown, Chucky, it probably woudln’t be able to bond with him and he’d stab it. But a proper showdown.. xenomorph. It matches Chucky’s speed, ferocity and while not as intelligent is still far stronger and just as ruthless.  Chucky Vs Leatherface: Chucky. While Leatherface has the better weapon and matching speed, Chucky can outthink him. Chucky wins but while I haven’t seen Texas Chainsaw Massacre, against the whole clan Chucky probably woudln’t win.. but would probably throw in with them long enough to survive since he’s a murderous bastard too and as long as he dosen’t have to join in dinner, it’s essentially his MO with help and family. He’d probably grow to either love them or get annoyed enough to kill em all.  Chucky Vs  The Tall Man: Tall Man. The Phantasm Ball is just too powerful and Chucky too vunerable and stubborn for a teamup.  Chucky vs Pinhead: Pinhead. I may be too squeamish for hellraiser but he’s FAR above Chucky’s paygrade.  So overall it’s 4 to 6 with Chucky loosing, but he still put up a far better fight than you’d think. And for funsies before we move on to the actual meat of the comic at long fucking last.  Chucky Vs Ash: Ash. Ash is dumb sometimes sure, but he’s just as stubborn, has dealt with being accused of murder before so framing him won’t work, and unlike the Slashers he’s got a shot gun, which while chucky can dodge, I could see Ash pining him. Dumb dosen’t mean he isn’t clever. However I do want to see the hyjinks that would insue so please, Mancini, do this one if you either can’t get freddy or if you can after that. Please? Okay so with ALLLL of that out of the way, let’s dive in. 

We open on the above, what’s left of Chucky after Child’s Play 2, being reforged into a fresh body. It’s exactly as pleasant as you’d think. 

Maybe he just says that because the sight of him with lipstick gives grown men heart attacks. 

See? Unsuprisingly, that’s one of my faviorite Child’s Play moments. Or maybe he just needs a pair of fresh eyes to stop being so hetronormative. 

I do love this bit, it’s a nice bit of comedy that dosen’t feel too broad and fits right into the franchise, even before the outright horror comedies. And now for you ladies and gentleman and other’s pleasure...LIVE NUDE CHUCKY!

Granted Bride would later retcon in a penis, but given he’s in a third body by then. Or maybe it’s the fact his body gets more human the longer he’s in one, so maybe he grows one or fused a strapon to himself. I dunno. I’m not an expert in Chucky’s Penis. That’s Don Mancini’s job. So Chucky puts some pants on, because wether it’s because you love somebody or want to stab them silly, you put your pants on for them, and wonders if he should wear something more inconspicuous before realizing he’s a 3 foot animate doll.. he’s always going to be conspicuous, another inspired bit of comedy. This is something I like about the issue: Regognizing how ludicrious the two sequels at the time were, Mangels leans into the comedy a little, but without overriding the horror, as you’ll soon see, somehow correctly predicting the direction of the franchise. But chucky made a mistake.. the last page showed him triggering an alarm by accident and well. 

As you can see in a neat stylistic choice, the siren blares over the entire page as Chucky makes a run for it and a mysterious observer sees a slight against god running about, decides cool and follows. He accidently slams into chucky in another funny bit. He offers a ride and while Chucky balks at this weirdo, said weirdo points out that how’s he’s going to outrun the cops otherwise and Chucky reluctantly gets in. And it says something if the guy with a bigger body count than a heart attack still has reservations going with you. The teen says Chucky reminds him of a kid who was in the papers for claming a doll killed some people and his mother who backed up the story, was suspected to have did it and put her in an insane asylum, or as this little shit calls it “Electro-Shock Pallace” as someone who himself is mentally ill, and afraid of asylums and lives in a world two decades removed where mass killings happen often and are often pinned on mental illness, fuck this twerp and I can’t wait for his commupance. Chucky sets him straight. 

See this is why I didn’t jsut do a big infodump on everything right up front, the comic does a good cjob recapping child’s play 1, and 2 isn’t relevant to the plot aside from the intro. They explain things quick and fast and chucky himself gives a good chunk of the film’s backstory pretty quickly once he and shades here get back to his house. 

This is also interesting as even the films haven’t really gone into how Charles Lee Ray felt as he became a doll or if he was conscious when Karen first got him. There’s more of course, and while it’s not necessary to this story, Karen does show up in this series, so i’ll fill you in on where the story went from there, as well as what Chucky left out or wasn’t there for. Here we go... Karen Barclay was the struggling mother of young Andy, who wanted a Good Guy doll for his birthday. Karen, not having much, found one second hand... Chucky. Chucky started manipulating the young kid, offscreen though that just makes it more unsettling even if the mystery of if Chucky’s real or not is kinda pointless when we saw a guy explode himself into a doll. I also like the nod that Chucky knows about as much as the fans do as to why their was a mega explosion. He first kills Karen’s best friend and Andy’s babysitter for the night, which Andy blames Chucky. No one belivies him.. which is understandable.. what’s not is when Chucky kills next, having andy take him to his acomplice’s house and blowing it up, NO ONE seems to question why a little child blew up a known criminal, how he knew where the house was, or why, when the previous crime was done in the home with motive, he killed some random guy. I do love this film but this bit feels especially dumb on the cops part not even bending a LITTLE. But this isn’t a review of the first movie so let’s move on.  Andy is comitted, which as sad as it is to see an innocent child thrown in an institution does make at least some sense so they can find out if he’s really seeing things or not, and Karen returns.. and finds that the Good Guy dolls don’t come with batteries, yet Chucky has been talking like any other toy. As a result we get one of the best scenes in the franchise history if not it’s best, and really, as much as I try I can’t do it justice. Though if you can’t watch in short he does an exorcist when she checks the batteries, she threatens to burn him, and he reveals himself. In long... it’s worth a watch. 

Chucky runs for it, Karen tries to tell Mike who dosen’t belivie her.. until Chucky comes for him. Chucky then heads for Dr.Death, his vodoo 101 teacher, who refuses to help him viewing him an abomination but stupidly left a vodoo fetish of himself around and you can guess the rest. He reveals Chucky can only transfer to the first person he revealed himself too so he heads for Andy with .. this. 

Mancini had to know what he was doing right? Right? Anyway. Karen and Mike find a dying Death who tells them to aim for the heart and who his target is. Andy dodges Chucky and escapes the Aslyum heading home where we get a final confrontation between the Barclay’s, Mike and Chucky, which is damn good and ends with Andy burning the fucker with a badass response to his claim of being his friend to the end “This is the end friend”. This dosen’t quite finish him but a shot to the heart, with Mike to blame, kills the bastard.. for now. Now we’re all caught up, let’s get back to the story. 

Dipshit has called his friends to see Chucky and as seen above, Chucky is wondering why he shoudln’t kill the guy.. but Dumbass has a good point for once: his one friend is studying magic, presumibly at Durmstrang since Hogwarts dosen’t tolerate that kinda shit, and could help summon dr. death to see if they can fix his situation. Granted Death viewed him as an abomination and wanted nothing to do with Chucky, but he might let something slip or have no choice and it’s better than the nothing Chucky has to go on. Chucky gives exposition to Fuckwit’s friends and claims he killed Dr.Death in self defense, which isn’t entirely innacurate and Steaming Bowl of Elephant Piss suggests holding a seance. But one of his friends, Burt, who seems to be the only one to see Chucky for the red flag he is, calls an audible and Chucky grumbles off while they talk in private. 

As you can see, Fuckbucket sets the intellgence standard for his group. However their not SO obnoxious that it distracts from how horrible what’s about to happen will them will be. Except shitty shitty bang bang. Since It’s hard to remember all of the dead meets names i’ll be calling the girl Molly Ringwald, Burt by his name since he’s being sensiable, the moron drinking his own blood Edgelord, and Numbnuts MCGee my current barrage of creative insults. But yeah none of them take Chucky as a threat seriously, which is a nice little meta commentary on how most people think they could take Chucky, even though the guy is nigh unkillable, smart and fast and stronger, if not heavier, than him being a doll would make you think. Burt is the ONLY one here who seems to think harboring a serial killing doll is a terrible idea and thus the only one I respect. And “Most LIkely To Run Into A Wall” has the genius observation seen above where he asks “we’re helping him why would he hurt us”... when he’s already threatned to kill him and has no use for any of them once he has any info they can scrape up, with Burt pointing out even if their sucessful they’ll be responsible for more killing. Sadly he’s outvoted. Seriously while I do like Mangels, I question his opinon on teenagers and horror fans, especially given his long screed about the horrors of the world at the front of the issue and how his comics horrors don’t compare to racisim or homphobia, though the latter is a nice touch considering this was the early 90′s and some horror audiences could be homphobic morons, when the horror fans he portray are a darwin award of the decade winner, a moron who cuts himself not because he has serious issues with depression but to drink his own blood, a witch who goes along with their stupidity, and ... one likeable guy who’s coded as a wuss but is the only sane one here. 

So morons r us, plus burt and chucky, call Dr.Death’s spirit forth in a very moody and atmospheric scene. Naturally it goes GREAT. 

Dr.Death’s form dissolves terrifyingly and awesomely and our morons, and Burt,  are left, literally since they turned the light’s down in the dark> Burt is freaking out and has shards of crap in him thanks to all this.. couldn’t of killed fuckaround could you John? Burt is lead to the bathroom, while Fuckwit and Edgelord head downstairs, Fuckwit heading further down to check the breakers since the power is out for the whole house while Edgelord actually says something smart and wonders what they ALL shoudlv’e been thinking about: Where’s chucky? He has a response in this AWESOME looking panel. 

And here’s where the it dosen’t undercut the tragedy bit comes into play. Sure these kids are kinda dumb.. but most teens are, and they might not belivie he actually killed peope or even if they did, think they can take him as foolishly stated. They had their whole lives to become better people, and Mollly Ringwald and Burt seemed like decent enough people while Edgelord was probably going though a phase. Dum Dum Dumbassigan dosen’t really get a huge repreive but the point is NONE of them deserve to die and they aren’t dialed up to obnoxious, except assface, to be that unsympathetic. Their being stupid sure, but again MOST TEENS ARE or will at least be easily talked into doing something that all common sense says should kill them. And sadly in David, aka edgelord’s case...

Yeah it took a while but I had that gore warning for a reason. And he then decides to fill David with knives. I also stopped calling him edgelord because well. .look at it. The death is horrifying, well drawn and only made worse when Chucky decides to play “pin cushion” and fill him with knives off screen. His next target is sadly my man burt. He does complain A LOT and while a little whiny, given he’s covered in cuts, about to die and was the ONLY ONE here to excercise caution.. yeah he has a right to be. And then.. this happens to Burt in the bathroom...

Yup, THAT just happened. But I like it a lot.. it’s done with style, humor.. but not without horror either. A nicely done little parody. Molly, or wendy as the comic calls her, wonders around the Darkness for a bit.. and then finds David’s corpse.. which I own’t show as holy shit it’s as graphic as it is horrifying. And given what I showed you of his death earlier, that’s saying something.She tells an approaching Moron to stay back.. and well..

In order....... I am so angry at that first panel “I don’t know what happened here....” I DON’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE. 

BITCHCAKES, YOU LET A SERIAL KILLER INTO YOUR HOUSE WHO VANISHED ON YOU AFTER A SPOOKY GHOST TOLD YOU TO KILL HIM OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES. WHAT IN THE STAR SPANGLED, CHERRY COATED MARSHMELLOW FUCK DID YOU THINK HAPPENED.  Second, while I get her logic, Fartnugget isn’t capable of working out basic sequence of events let alone killing a person.  And finally.. there is no amount of gifs that can convey how happy I am at that last panel. 

Wendy goes mad from the shock and Chucky, whos’ been lurking under the table this whole time with a Freddy Glove, strikes. 

It’s no “welcome to prime time BITCH”, but I think Freddy would dig it. Naturally, the glove dosen’t kill her but she snaps her neck.. and then chucky , of all things, calls the police. 

I’ll not explode with rage again btu the david’s dead line tempted me, as HE JUST KILLED YOUR FRIEND OF COURSE HE DID. As for his threat... Chucky is unimpressed. See this was his plan. At least once they stopped being useful. Gee who could’ve predicted that? Chucky has decided to frame ponytailed idiot for it, a real brilliant way of going about things, and to me WHY Chucky is such a threat. Even if you beat him, if you don’t have proof.. he still gets you locked up and then comes back stronger than ever. This ending also actually helps with a plot hole some might have with the series. 

Chucky dosen’t leave fingerprints. He MIGHT as he turns more human, bud odds are he dosen’t, thus it’s easy enough to frame whoever’s left.. though it was neat to see him do so intentionally. Truck Nuts breaks down, Chucky flees and we end on a teaser for the next issue as some mysterious Doctor has come to Karen Barclay with promises to help go after Chucky. But that’s for another day. For now our story is done. There’s also a page for a “Stuck On Chuck” contest, with the winners getting to be in issue 5. Just bringing that up so if I ever get there, I won’t have missed it. And with that we finally close out. 

Final Thoughts: 

This issue is excellent. I was expecting something slightly cheesy and not great, and while there are narmy elements: the commentary on horror being a media scapegoat seems out of place and as I made abdundantly clear on second read the lead is insufferable. His fate is still tragic, but he’s such a moron I can’t help but feel he brought it on himself, but his friends aren’t so obnoxious that you don’t feel bad when they do die, a mistake full on horror movies make too often. The kills are gory, as shown there’s some nice visual flair here and there, and chucky is drawn amazingly, especially for the time. There’s an awkward shot here or there but for the most part the artist really captures him well. This comic is a hidden Gem and if your a fan of the films or even just the first one, I strongly recommend it, or if nothing else as I haven’t gotten to the rest, this issue.  If you liked this review, feel free to like or reblog, and if you want one like it for the issue or graphic novel of your choice, just pm and slip 5 bucks into my paypal and i’ll get right on it as soon as the first week of november. Until then, i’m your friend to the end. 

[hutchhitched]

The Vintage Joshifer Series: End of Love—Chapter 19

End of Love by hutchhitched

A kazillion years ago, I started posting this story. I never intended for it to drag on this long in between updates, but life happens and so does writer’s block. I know there’s little readership in the Joshifer fandom anymore, but I needed to finish it. If you’re still around to read it, thank you. If you want to dive in, I’d appreciate it. You definitely don’t have to be a Joshifer fan to read it since Josh and Jen’s characters are historical actors and not versions of their modern selves.

Historical events in this chapter include the following:

Richard Nixon won the presidential election of 1968. He triumphed over Vice President Humphrey and third party candidate George Wallace, who famously defended segregation at the University of Alabama earlier in the decade. Nixon won by appealing to the Silent Majority, those who believed the radicalism of the 1960s had gone too far. During his presidency he worked to build a national Republican Party after it all but disappeared during the Great Depression during the 1930s. Nixon called this the Southern Strategy (downplaying civil rights by rejecting the GOP’s original stance of the anti-slavery party in 1860, when Lincoln won the election).

After winning the election, Nixon did stop further troop deployments to Vietnam and reduced the numbers already there. Instead, he instituted a bombing campaign of the Vietnam and neighboring Laos and Cambodia. This was called Vietnamization.

 Chicago, Illinois, November 1968

 “Hutch, what’s good?”

 “Andre, my man. It’s been too long.” Josh clapped his friend on the back and welcomed him into headquarters. Volunteers buzzed around them, and Josh reminded himself that spending time with a good friend in from out of town for a day was just as important as working to support the Democratic candidate for president—even though Josh was almost positive his party was going to lose the election.

 Nothing had been the same since Bobby died. The Kennedy magic was gone. Instead of the former Attorney General being the nominee, the current VP who was tainted by LBJ’s Americanization strategy in Vietnam would likely lose to Nixon. If that happened, and it almost certainly would, he knew the positive changes in civil rights and economic equality would disappear with when the GOP took power. It was beyond comprehension, but election day loomed in two days. Two days until the world fell apart.

 “Let’s grab lunch,” Andre suggested. When Josh hesitated, he offered, “My treat.”

 Reluctantly, Josh agreed, and they headed down the street to a local diner he and his friends had frequented during the campaign season. He settled into the booth and stared across the table at his friend. It had been too long. Since that night with the two girls. Before he admitted how much he cared about Jennifer. When he hadn’t sold out.

 “Fucking Nixon,” his friend swore, and Josh grinned. Leave it to Andre to put everything in the bluntest format possible.

 “What the fuck is ‘the silent majority’ anyway?” Josh asked with a roll of his eyes. “Too fucking scared to speak up for what’s right? Racist a majority of the time?”

 Josh was sick to death of Nixon’s campaign strategy—catering to what he termed the “Silent Majority,” a group the Republican candidate insisted comprised the bulk of American society and were sick of the protests in the country. Nixon argued conservatives who were okay with the status quo were the majority in the nation and only radicals demanded change from the government in treatment of women and minorities. It wasn’t true, but a lot of people bought it. Josh just assumed that meant most people were god damned stupid.

 No matter how hard he and other activists worked to right wrongs and get real democracy to win out against conservative assholes, they were met with GOP rhetoric that villainized the very people he’d marched with, who’d sat next to him in jail, who burned their draft cards along with him in unheard protests against American presence in Vietnam.

 Of course, the New Left had grown more radical, pushed for more change and faster, dropped out, doped up, and raged against Johnson’s administration. The problem was he and the other activists had worked and fought and hoped for real change, and the administration and rest of the nation was dragging its collective feet. Josh’s question was why hadn’t more people sought to right the wrongs he and so many of this friends saw as glaring inequalities that only weakened the state of the nation rather than strengthening it. It was time. It was past time, and he was getting really antsy.

 “So, how have you been? Really?” Andre asked. “The last time I saw you, you were hightailing it out of bed with two women in New Haven and coming here to get your girl. Seems like different priorities.”

 Josh shook his head and tried to work his mind around his friend’s words. He’d been feeling unsettled for a long while, but the conflict between him and Jennifer had been growing since the protests in August and her trip to Atlantic City to cover the pageant. He’d considered leaving while she was gone, but he couldn’t quite make himself slink away like a coward. He still had work to do in Chicago, and he loved his…whatever she was to him. They’d been living together for months, but he hated labels. She hadn’t pushed, and he’d been grateful for her willingness to let it go.

 But this election would change everything. He knew it, and he also knew he was biding his time.

 “I don’t know, man. It’s such a bad scene right now. Since Bobby and King and ’Nam and everything, this country’s a bomb.”

 “But you’re a good cat, Josh. You’re making things better.”

 Josh laughed and smiled ruefully. “Am I? It seems to me I’m getting laid a lot by a doll who works for the man instead of the people.”

 “Do you love her?”

 “I…” Josh paused and swallowed hard. He did. That wasn’t in question but admitting it was another thing completely. “She’s fab. She is.”

 “But?”

 “I should be doing more,” he admitted. “I don’t know what, but I keep feeling like I should bug out and work somewhere else. Or dropout all together. Go live with the beautiful people and leave everything behind. Get high and blitzed and commune with nature.”

 Andre took a bite of his burger and shrugged. “Sounds like heaven to me, man, but I don’t think you’d be happy that way. You’re going steady, right?”

 “I���m not sure—”

 “Hutch. Man. You’ve been shacked up with her for months. You’re not sleeping with anyone else. Tune in. You’re together, and you’ve been head over heels for her since college. Wake up,” Andre said, exasperated.

 Josh sat silently for several minutes as he processed the information. No one had forced him to face what was happening until now, and he wasn’t sure he liked what he saw. Jen left him the night of his graduation. Maybe he’d never really forgiven her for that. Perhaps that’s why escaping was always in the back of his mind, to punish her for hurting him so much. Or, it was also possible that he really wasn’t comfortable in such a position. He’d always been restless, always been someone who pushed the boundaries, and falling in love with Jennifer, who came from privilege and affluence, didn’t seem like it fit. None of this was fair to her, but that didn’t change how he felt.

 “Maybe I am,” he admitted, “but I’m not sure it’s enough.”

 “Then be up front with her once you figure it out. You both deserve that.”

 “After the election,” Josh breathed. “After Tuesday.”

 “By then we’ll know if the world’s ending or not.”

 “Right on.”

 ****

 The world ended. Josh sat on the couch in Jen’s apartment as the sun set and the room darkened around him. He’d chosen to watch by himself, unsure how he’d feel when Nixon and Spiro Agnew were declared winners and all the gains over the past eight years would be overturned in a matter of time. Jen was at work, covering local reaction to the election results, and he’d intentionally not watched with his activist friends. Hippies were either remarkably anti-political or flying high, and he needed to be lucid and engaged for this.

 Election results rolled in one after another, and none of it was good for the Democrats. Texas went blue, but the West went red. Big time. George Wallace stole the South for the Dixiecrats, who couldn’t reconcile themselves to JFK or LBJ’s Democratic party of Civil Rights but weren’t on board with the GOP either. A hundred years prior, Republicans were the party of Lincoln and “freed” the slaves.

 “People are fucking stupid,” Josh spat into the emptiness. “Racist fucks. God bless Texas for sticking it out.”

 One by one the states reported, and his hope for the future of his country sunk lower with each call for Nixon. At least there was hope for a pullout in Vietnam. That was big, but would that be enough to make up for what would happen domestically? If Johnson had been able to focus on his Great Society instead of getting caught up in Southeast Asia, things could have been so different.

 “Fuck the Cold War. Fuck, fuck, fuck!”

 When Nixon got 270 votes, Josh lit up a joint and took a long, hard drag. He stared at the TV, the electoral map, the celebration in California at Nixon’s headquarters, the concession speech by Humphrey. His muscles relaxed, his mind wandered, and he turned off the part of him that cared. He started drinking next, and he was blitzed by the time Jen returned. She looked at him, her face a mask of concern mixed with a hint of fear, and he knew she dreaded what he already knew he’d have to do soon. He couldn’t stay. He just couldn’t. He already couldn’t breathe, and the election wasn’t even official yet.

 Jennifer curled up on his lap, and he let her undress him. He couldn’t move. His limbs weighed a million pounds apiece, and he couldn’t feel anything except despair. She kissed him, and he responded, but he didn’t feel anything.

 “Josh?”

 He heard his name, but she was a million miles away from him. Her voice was barely audible, and her face swam in his vision. He wanted to leave, to getaway, to run. He must have vocalized his desperation because Jen raised her hand so he could see her palm. Four sugar cubes lay there, and he breathed a prayer of thanks as he put one on his tongue.

 Josh had tripped before, but none of the other acid he’d taken had given him quite the same effect. The apartment bent and sparkled as the drug spread through his system. Jen’s eyes shone beams of sunlight, and he swore rainbows spilled out of her mouth and ears. He tried to swallow them, his mouth against hers, his fingers wrapped in liquid gold that flowed from her temples and past her shoulders. He was warm and flying and soaring above the earth, and he felt nothing except his skin against hers.

 Every nerve ending was on fire, and her fingers against his chest created bright purple sparks that exploded into golden stars. She straddled him and rocked against him, and he idly wondered why. His lap was warm and damp. His mouth swallowed the diamonds on her chest, hard and cutting against his tongue. Jen’s head fell back, and he realized the diamonds were tits. He bit down hard on her nipple, and she screamed. It sounded like a folk song, a call for peace and justice.

 She grew louder, and he sang with her. Her name fell from his lips, a litany of what was right with the world and everything that was dreadfully wrong. He needed her, and he had to escape. Tears streamed down his face and they glistened from her eyelashes. He palmed her ass and counted the contractions as she milked his cock. They were fucking, he realized. It felt like he was flying, but instead, he was shoving her onto the floor, bending her in half, and rutting against her.

 The floor underneath him shook and exploded into fiery heat. A vice gripped his cock. A melody of praise. Flashing lights. Unicorns flew by his head. His dad walked toward him, out of his wheelchair. His grandfather waved hi, even though he’d died several years ago. Josh wondered if he was going crazy, but he didn’t really care.

 Josh sat up, and Jen lay in a heap on the floor. His right hand jacked his dick mindlessly. It was wet and sticky, just like the puddle beneath his girlfriend. That’s what she was, he admitted. It was easier in his altered state, easier to accept the truth that they were together. She was radiant, skin glowing, as she watched his hand get faster and faster.

 When she spoke, it was in a foreign language. Urdu, maybe, or ancient Greek. Whatever it was made complete sense to him.

 “Jerk it, baby.”

 She reached over and took his cock from him, and he realized he was the one talking, not her.

 “I don’t know Urdu,��� he slurred.

 “I do,” she said before swallowing him.

 Her cheeks hallowed out, and he fucked her mouth hard. He was crying, and she joined him as he thrust down her throat.

 “Did I hurt you?” he asked, although he was still inside her. He should have asked if he was hurting her because he hadn’t stopped. He didn’t want to stop. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to go.

 He had to. He had to. He had to. He had to.

 His body split in two. Part of him drifted up to the ceiling and danced there on happy feet. The other sank into the floor in a puddle of melted wax. Streaks of cream-colored icing decorated Jen’s face, and he leaned over to lick her cheek clean. It wasn’t sweet enough. Needed more sugar.

 They had two more cubes. One on his tongue. One on hers. They stumbled to the bedroom. He flew around the room, his wings flapping, circling and swooping and riding the currents. He landed on the bed. The lights went out. She was on top. She was on his face. He was in her mouth. Waterfalls. Waves. Giggles and jokes and mapping body parts with tongues and fingers and marking each other with bands of dried moisture.

 Hours and minutes and seconds and days and decades and centuries passed. No time passed at all, and then a curtain pulled behind his eyes, and he slept.

 ****

 The next morning dawned with a throbbing headache, aching limbs, and a broken heart. He opened his eyes, and he instantly regretted losing control so badly the night before. Their bed was destroyed. The sheets were filthy, striped with evidence of multiple orgasms. The room stunk like sex and piss. His mouth tasted as if something had died inside, and he wanted to murder someone when he saw Jen curled into herself.

 Josh hadn’t been in control of himself last night, and he was scared to death he’d hurt her. She didn’t warrant that. She deserved better than him. She should be lavished with only the best. He’d always been less than he wanted for her.

 He vowed to do better.

 ****

 On Inauguration Day, he wasn’t doing better. January 20 came and went, and Josh had spiraled into a mess. High every day, he’d fallen into a cycle of depression and spent more days on his friend’s couches than doing anything even remotely productive. He was twenty-five and hated what he’d become. He had a brief moment of clarity on New Year’s Eve when he was convinced 1969 would be a good year, but then Nixon took office.

 The new president catered to racist southerners and turned a blind eye to FBI stings targeting the Black Panthers. Riots broke out, more men came home in body bags, and women raged. Jen stayed busy at work, while he tuned out. He avoided his family and Jackson’s. He barely talked to Jen. He was a mess, and he knew it.

 A few weeks after the inauguration, Nixon announced a reduction of American troops in Vietnam, and his younger brother called him from Stanford where he was enrolled in his first year of grad school.

 “The son of a bitch did it,” his brother said when Josh answered the phone.

 Josh blinked rapidly and attempted to ground himself. He was high, as usual, and he found he needed to concentrate inordinately hard to understand what the words his brother spoke meant.

 “Did what?” he garbled and slid down the wall to sit on the kitchen floor.

 “Nixon. He’s pulling us out of ’Nam. We’re safe.”

 “Safe?” he asked. “Safe from what?”

 “What’s wrong with you, man? Are you tripping?”

 “Not today,” Josh sighed and grinned dopily at the wall. “Maybe tomorrow. Definitely was yesterday.”

 Connor grunted in frustration and snarled into the phone, “Have you been paying attention to what’s happening? We’re not going to Vietnam. No more new troops. A pullback of boots on the ground. They’re calling it Vietnamization.”

 “Yay, America…” Josh drawled and waved his finger in the air in celebration.

 “Come to Cali, man. I’ll help you get straight.”

 “Why bother?” Josh asked. “It’s all going to hell anyway.”

 “Just come,” his brother insisted. “I don’t know what’s happened to you, but you’re not the big brother I know. You wanted to save the world, not wallow.”

 “We lost. As soon as Bobby died, it was over.”

 “If you’re not here in four days, I’m coming to get you,” Connor threatened. “Mom and Dad don’t need to know about this, but I’ll tell them if I have to.”

 “Don’t tell them,” Josh entreated. “Dad can’t take the stress. I’ll be there.”

 “Four days.”

 Josh replaced the receiver and looked around the apartment. There were so many good things about his relationship with Jennifer. He’d loved her for a very long time, but he wasn’t where he needed to be—physically or mentally. He wasn’t an undergrad anymore, and he wasn’t doing anything to help the world. He was dragging her down, and the last thing he wanted to do was make life worse for her. Whether or not he liked it, Nixon was the president for the foreseeable future. Josh needed a change of scenery, and his kid brother was a genius. If anyone could help him get back on track, it was Connor.

 With a breaking heart, he entered the bedroom, grabbed a rucksack and started packing. He shoved his clothes into the bag but was careful to leave some of his things that Jen loved to wear when they were alone in their apartment. He grabbed a few books—his dog-eared copies of The Catcher in the Rye, Howl, and On the Road—and his toothbrush. He shuffled through a stack of papers and found his draft card, which he shoved in his front pocket. Once he got to Palo Alto, he and Connor could burn them together in celebration. When he had everything he needed, he grabbed a pencil and a notepad and wrote Jen a note.

 Dear Jen,

 I know you’ve been expecting this for a while, but I didn’t mean to leave while you were at work. I know I have to, though, or I won’t be able to walk away. I’ve loved you since the moment I saw you at Berkeley, but I was too stubborn and terrified to admit it. You’ve always had the same fire as me, even if it’s been directed somewhere else than mine. I’ve lost myself. I’ve got to find the spark again. You deserve that. You’ve always been better than me. You shouldn’t settle for someone broken. Right now, I am. When I’m fixed, I’ll let you know. I love you. Don’t ever doubt that. You’ve been the best part of me for a very long time. I’m so sorry.

 Always, Josh

 He was crying by the time he finished writing. He’d put this off for so long because he wasn’t strong enough to leave, but Connor’s phone call had woken something in him he hadn’t been able to find for ages. He’d call her in a few months—once he had himself together again. He wouldn’t leave her without any word, the way she had with him. He wondered for a second if he was punishing her because of what she’d done, but leaving her was much more of a penalty for him than it was for her.

 He swiped at the note he wrote her, and the tear that had fallen smeared his name. He was already fading in this place. All that was left was to walk out the door.

 Just as he turned to go, he noticed a picture of her peeking out from the corner of her desk. Her long hair was down and falling over her shoulders in blonde waves. She wore a white, high-collared lace dress that made her look like an angel. He tucked the image in his wallet and grabbed his bag before slipping through the door and locking it.

 He was to the bus station within ten minutes and halfway across the state before she found the note. He was almost to California before she stopped crying.

[eightdoctor]

Bruce Week Day 3: Mirror/Night and Day

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17859947

He runs and runs and his DNA runs with him. Every morning Bruce wakes up with a different face. 

They say that your life and its path is dependent on the friends you make. So by extension, your life, your personality, is all reliant on your friends, your acquaintances.

Bruce doesn’t have those, and he doesn’t know what he lost first; his life or his friends. Maybe they were synonymous with each other, or maybe not. It’s not like it matters.

After his friends - and his life, he supposed; he’s dead now, technically, not even a person but a thing, a possession - he lost his assets. The money he had been saving for years for the white picket fence and the swing set in the backyard is gone, his apartment is gone, his clothes and furniture and everything is gone. They renovated his lab into a storage room, they deleted and purged all his files and research. If your life depends on what things you own, well...you know how it goes.

Then it was his name. With every disguise came a new name, a new person, a new life. A life that was discarded when he was found, peeled off and thrown away like trash. Countless names and lives and people were killed by the monster, the Hulk, whatever you call it, but countless names and lives and people were killed by Banner, as well. Names distinguish the person, a name decides your life and your identity. Bruce Banner had no name because he couldn’t afford to have one, and so he had no life because he couldn’t afford to have one.

The next thing to go was his autonomy. Simple, easy. He has no choice in where he goes, he just floats in the wake of the Hulk as he paddles furiously away from the military. Philosophers argue if humanity has free will, but Bruce doesn’t need to argue. Because he knows. The answer is a resounding no.

The last straw, the final nail in the coffin of his horrible, fucked up life, is the removal of his face. After a month of running and hiding and dying, the gamma twists his insides and swaps some nucleotides around so some As become Gs and Ts become Cs and he wakes up in his grubby motel as a stranger to himself. His hair is lighter, almost ginger, his eyes are rounder, his chin squarer. The reflection in the mirror moves with him but it isn’t him. It’s the worst feeling, he thinks - that disconnect. He knows he should look different, look like how he did on that fateful Day (a deafening roar and a wave of heat and power and green, green, green...the screaming and the Geiger counter ticking ticking ticking…), but he...doesn’t.

An adaptation. A mutation. An evolution. Call it whatever you want. Bruce calls it death.

Bruce is dead. It’s too bad he can’t die.

1.

It’s in some backwater town in Texas where he breaks; some meaningless, inconsequential town with a population of 107 where the nearest Walmart is 45 minutes away. He’s staying in a cheap bed and breakfast owned by a nice old woman who can barely move from arthritis.

The room is adorned in frills and has that distinct old-person-smell, but it’s nicer than most of the places he’s stayed in in the past few months, with a mattress that isn’t rotten and electricity that doesn’t flicker.

It also has a mirror. He tried to avoid them after seeing how his appearance shifts every week, but running into one is more or less inevitable, isn’t it? Sometimes he catches his reflection in shop windows and cringes, or there's a flash of the wrong face in a body of water and he flinches. But he hasn’t looked close. He doesn’t think he’d be able to keep it together if he does.

And he was right.

It’s a Tuesday, when he breaks. He wakes up, showers, leaves the shower, towels off, walks past the mirror on the dresser, stops. Stares.

It isn’t him. Or it is him, but his cheekbones are lower on his face and his eyes are almond-shaped and hazel and he doesn’t even recognize himself. It’s like there’s a mime behind that pane of glass doing what he does as if the mirror isn’t a mirror.

He raises a hand to touch his chin, and the man in the mirror copies him exactly. A choked noise rises in his throat, some horrible hybrid of a scream and a sob, born of surprise. The man’s face that is-isn’t-is his reflection crumples, and Bruce feels his do the same.

It’s like his brain is split in two. Logic says that he’s in the mirror, that that’s him because that’s what mirrors do, they reflect, but then there’s his instinct. This isn’t him. This can’t be him. He doesn’t look like that. His hair is dark brown and his chin is pointed slightly and his eyes are dark and almost black.

He collapses to his knees, as if something hit the back of his legs and they buckle like a marionette with its strings cut. The man in the mirror follows him down, down, down. Bruce feels like crying, but the tears don’t come. They never do. He isn’t allowed to have these emotions, this sort of distress. He isn’t allowed to cry, because the Hulk doesn't let him. Crying leads to anger leads to destruction leads to death. So he doesn’t cry, but he wants to.

He doesn’t always get what he wants.

Bruce feels himself float away from his body, his face. He tries to hold on tight, because he can’t lose control, he can’t, but he never really feels himself come back down, and he never feels himself stop floating.

2.

Jen’s apartment is there. It’s there, and she’s in it. Bruce knows she’s in it, because he had watched her walk in, his face concealed by a bowed head and the grimy baseball cap he had pulled out of a Salvation Army bin. Today his hair was ginger, the color of orange sand, and his eyes were round and owlish. He only got a glimpse of himself in the grubby mirror as he left his motel room.

But it didn’t matter what he looked like, because Jen was there. She was right there. His cousin, his friend, his familial soulmate. Less than 100 feet away.

Bruce couldn’t go speak to her, though. He was frozen, stuck, as if his spine had grown roots and anchored him to this metal bench with chipping green paint. His hands wove together in a flurry of movement fueled by his anxiety, and his legs shook his seat with how hard he was bouncing them.

Go talk to her, moron.

Wasn’t it supposed to be easy to talk to a friend, as instinctual and inherent as breathing? Bruce hasn’t had a friend in so long, perhaps he forgot what it was like to have one. Or, well, he hopes she’s still his friend, he would understand if she wasn’t. Maybe that’s why he can’t walk up to her apartment and ring the damn bell. Maybe he was afraid she wouldn’t like him anymore.

He’s always been such a damn coward. A milksop, just like Ross had said on that fateful day.

He shouldn’t have come here. He should just walk away, and forget he was here, and just leave. Jen didn’t need to be involved in this, and fuck, Jen probably hated him anyway, despised him -

He didn’t realize he was walking until he found himself standing in front of her apartment door with no recollection as to how he got there, fist poised to knock, a few inches from the wood. Fuck. He couldn’t do this. Bruce looked down at himself. A blue jacket with a mystery stain on it he had found on the sidewalk covered his emaciated torso, a pair of frayed jeans a size too big hung off his hips. What a mess this was. What a mess he was.

God.

The door opened, and Bruce stumbled back. Why did he come here he shouldn’t have come here but it was too late now because she was right there.

“Uh…” Jen stood in her doorway, awash in the natural light emanating from her apartment; it made her look ethereal, like she was a spirit or ghost or something. Bruce had to restrain himself to reach out and touch her, to see if she was actually solid or just a hallucination, a mirage. He wouldn’t put it past his brain to do something like that. “Can I help you…?”

Bruce looked up in shock, saw the wariness and trepidation present in her eyes. There was no spark of recognition in her features. None. Her eyes were void of familiarity, as if he was a stranger. He blinked, unsure of what to do. He was expecting surprise, happiness, anger, sadness - anything. Not this. Not this…this nothingness.

She didn’t recognize him. He doesn’t know what to do. What does he do?

“Jen,” he coughed, voice hoarse from disuse, “Jen…” his desperation was palpable.

“Um...yes?” She had taken a step back, her hand on the door, ready to close it.

“Jen - Jen, Jen,” he repeated her name like a mantra, a chant. It almost didn’t sound like a real name anymore. Maybe it wasn’t. Maybe she wasn’t real, maybe this was just some bad dream. “Jen, it’s...it’s me.” It’s Bruce. He couldn’t say that, though. Because he wasn’t Bruce, hadn’t been in years.

Jen was looking more and more freaked out the more he spoke. She didn’t recognize him. She didn’t recognize him. “I’m going to...I’ll be right back,” she moved to close the door, but his foot darted out to prevent it from shutting.

“No!” He called. “No, no Jen, Jen please…”

“Sir,” her formal tone caused thorns to grow around his heart, squeezing and piercing and hurting. “I don’t know what you want from me, but -”

God, he couldn’t take this, this, this torture. “Jennifer! It’s me, it’s -” Robbie Bruce David Robert “Bruce. It’s Bruce.”

Jen’s stance immediately stiffened. “You - you aren’t Bruce. You can’t be. Bruce is dead.”

Bruce was dead, she was right. He was dead, and now there was only Bruce.

“And besides…” Jen continued, “you don’t look like him.”

Bruce didn’t know what to say in response to that, because she was right. He didn’t look like Bruce. So he just mutters something about having the wrong person and leaves, because he’s a coward.

Later, after Jen got shot and there was blood blood blood, pooling on the tarmac in a puddle of scarlet so thick it was almost black, reaching out to him in red tendrils like it did when Mom died, Bruce moved into action from the alleyway he’d been watching from. He couldn’t have done anything before the gunshot, because then the Hulk would have come out and hurt Jen and he just couldn’t hurt her, not again, so he didn’t move and just stood there and watched. And then Jen was bleeding out and he stood and watched. Just like he did on that night with Mom. He stood and watched until something clicked and he was spurred into motion.

The blood transfusion happened during one of those times where everything goes fast and slow at the same time. Bruce stares as poison enters her veins and hopes that it’ll work, that she’ll be alive after this.

He drops her off at a hospital when she’s stable.

Later he finds out that a large hulking woman, big and green and muscular, was seen in L.A.. As Bruce is eaten by the guilt, he hopes that Jen doesn’t become Jen.

He hopes she can keep her life.

3.

He’s in Bangalore when he’s found. The slums are warm and hot and damp, steam rising off the muddy ground like a sauna. Most nights he arrives at his abode - a liberal use of the word - with inches of mud caked on his shoes and weighing his steps down.

When they find him, he’s asleep. But he wakes up, because he’s always been a light sleeper - it’s a habit that has roots in alcoholic fathers and crying mothers, that stems from running running running. He’s sure he hears them before they see him, because an entire military squad is very hard to keep silent. He doesn’t bother running, which is a first for him.

He’s just sick of existing and not existing in this wretched sort of purgatory, with his different name, different face, different blood. He doesn’t know what parts of him are really him anymore. He’s just a harbinger for the Hulk, a carrier of the plague, a bad omen that predicts nothing but destruction.

So he walks out of his lean-to and faces his executioner, arms up in surrender. Bruce doesn’t move and doesn’t care as they shackle the mutant inhibitor around his neck and roughly restrain his hands behind his back.

This is wrong. So, so wrong.

He shouldn't let them do this.

But he is just so, so tired.

So he does.

His hair is brown - almost black - and it falls in his eyes limply, burdened from days of dirt and grime and oil. Bruce’s eyes - they're more wide set, now, a light brown - are sunken like a corpse’s, and his movements are jerky like the undead. It’s appropriate. He looks as dead as he feels.

They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. He has no friends, but he does have enemies. It’s the one thing he does have.

But they are mostly the Hulk’s enemies, so maybe he doesn’t have anything, after all.

Ross towers over him, square muscles square torso square jaw pulled taut, something awful glimmering in his eyes.

“Finally found you, you bastard,” Ross gloats, chewing a gross black cigar. Bruce doesn’t blink as Ross exhales smoke like pepper spray into his eyes. He does tear up, though. It’s the first time he’s cried in years.

Dead eyes glance up at their captor, blank and dull. Furious eyes stare down at their prisoner, filled with fury, then...something else. Confusion.

“This isn’t him!” Ross shouts at the army men surrounding him. Bruce’s face is slack with shock as his restraints are removed, and he’s shoved unceremoniously back into his house. He stands there until the soldiers leave, their feet light and solid despite the mud beneath their boots. He stands there and doesn’t move. And then he starts laughing. He laughs and laughs and laughs until he realizes he’s crying and the tears finally come and don’t stop.

He clutches at his cheeks with a tenacity that makes them bleed. He doesn’t feel the sting from his nails piercing his skin or the burn from the salt in his wounds. He just feels relief and disappointment and everything. He hasn’t felt anything in the past year, hasn’t allowed himself to. But the dam broke and now there’s everything.

The blood drips down his chin and mingles with the tears, and together they fall to the floor in a cavalcade of scarlet.

1.

They say that your life and its path is dependent on the friends you make. So by extension, your life, your personality, is all reliant on your friends, your acquaintances.

He has friends now, and they’ve been with him for about a month. He had sought after Betty one day and explained everything, and Jen had seen Hulk save the world and had sought after him, and Rick...well, Rick was always there when he needed him. So he had friends, which was nice. He wasn’t used to nice. But he could get used to it.

He has possessions now as well. Jen let him live in her guest bedroom. He had a weighted blanket, a stack of books and scientific journals, and a phone and laptop. He felt almost like a normal person, almost like he didn’t have a maelstrom inside of him, always ready to be unleashed.

He was in Jen’s guest bedroom when he saw it.

The room is cluttered; not disorganized, just cluttered. Busy. He can’t find it within himself to throw anything away - he hasn’t had anything in so long, that he keeps everything. Ticket stubs, notebooks, dried out pens, everything his hands have come in contact with litter every surface. There’s a bathroom attached to his room, and this bathroom has a mirror, as bathrooms do. He avoids it.  

It’s a Tuesday, when he sees it. He wakes up, showers, leaves the shower, towels off, walks past the mirror in the bathroom, stops. Stares.

It’s...it’s him. It’s him. His reflection stares back at him and he has a pointed chin and high cheekbones and dark brown eyes and light brown hair and it’s him - God, it’s him. He doesn’t react at first, just looks and doesn’t blink or move. It takes a while for the realization to break through that wall of shock. An arm slowly raises to feel his chin. He blinks.

And then he’s laughing. He’s laughing like that night in Bangalore. Loud and manic and relieved.

Jen must have heard him, because she barges in, almost knocks the door off its hinges.

“Are you okay - oh my God.”

He looks up at her, eyes glistening with tears. “Jen, Jen, I’m me.”

“Oh Bruce,” she says, and Bruce doesn’t need to correct her, because she’s right.

A name decides your life and your identity. Bruce finally has a name again, because he finally has an identity again. He looks like how he did on that fateful Day (a deafening roar and a wave of heat and power and green, green, green...the screaming and the Geiger counter ticking ticking ticking…).

For the first time in years, Bruce is alive.

[johnnymundano]

Surveillance (2008)

Directed by Jennifer Lynch

Written by Kent Harper and Jennifer Lynch

Music by Todd Bryanton

Country: United States

Language: English

Running Time: 98 minutes

CAST

Julia Ormond as Elizabeth Anderson

Bill Pullman as Sam Hallaway

Pell James as Bobbi Prescott

Ryan Simpkins as Stephanie

Michael Ironside as Captain Billings

French Stewart as Officer Jim Conrad

Kent Harper as Officer Jack Bennett

Mac Miller as Johnny

Hugh Dillon as Dad

Cheri Oteri as a Mom who is not having a good time

Look, we might as well get the Elephant Man in the room out of the way: Jennifer Lynch is David Lynch’s daughter. Having enjoyed everything David Lynch has produced cinematically, it warms my cockles no end to be able to extend that praise to something he has produced biologically, his child. I wasn’t expecting to, after all I’m of an age where I can remember her first movie Boxing Helena (1993) being kickboxed to a pulp by critics and audiences alike. Despite my love of Lynch and a general keenness for cinema, I’ve never felt the need to seek out Boxing Helena, mostly because every single person I know who has seen it (all two of them; both ladies, strangely) without exception kind of roll their eyes and do a little shiver, and not in a good way, to this very day. But because I still enjoy doing inexplicable things, I just took the plunge and ordered this movie ten years after its original release. I even had to go the extra mile and get an (all regions) import because it’s so crazily popular it’s not even on Blu-Ray in the UK. Anyway, we all have other things we’d rather be doing, so I’ll cut to the chase: Jennifer Lynch’s Surveillance rocked balls nasty. And hard.

A couple of over-caffeinated and endearingly nervy FBI Agents,  Anderson (Ormond) and Hallaway (Pullman), rock up at a remote Nebraskan police station, isolate the survivors of a roadside slaughter, which may also be connected to a woman missing from an earlier savage home invasion, and try to piece together what exactly a mismatched bunch of unreliables witnessed. And all the while, keeping pace alongside them are the audience. (Maybe. That bit’s up to you.) Think Rashomon (1950) set in a Black Lodge version of the Twin Peaks’ Police Dept. If that’s not tickled your fancy then save your spleen and drive on by.

Surveillance’s script is good, but maybe not as good as it thinks, and the direction is also good but it can get a little muddled during some crucial junctures; mild carps aside both script and direction are way above par; fun stuff. But what makes Surveillance a great experience are the full-throated performances. These are some talented people tucking into what actors might call The Real Good Stuff. Even Ryan Simpkins, whose performance here made her the first child to win Best Actress at the New York City Horror Film Festival. I could almost feel the pleasure coming off some of these dudes and dudettes like noon heat off Texas tar. A real sense that with every lightning flash switch from one emotional extreme to another which successfully avoided the whiplash of hammery they were purring inside. And justifiably so. This is some seriously bizarre business the audience is asked to buy into, and the fact they do (well, I did) rests squarely with the hyperkinetic thesping. Everyone onscreen is great but some are greater than others, but then some have more to work with than others; some of them also last longer than others.

Pullman is insanely good, visibly subject to some kind of inner, emotional peristalsis throughout, Ormond is sensitive but steely when needed, French Stewart and Kent Harper are horrible power abusers but tragically so, Michael Ironside is clearly cock-a-hoop to be playing a decent if slightly dim man who just wants a cigarette, Pell James gives real good junkie and so on and so forth; even the guy who ODs after a minute’s screen time does so in way that’s both horrible and funny. That’s pretty much the key to the movie’s appeal; the embrace of extremes. So, yeah, kudos to Lynch for giving the actors enough trust and freedom to go all in. Risky shit that, but it pays off here. I just really enjoyed being with these people for 98 minutes. Which is 90 minutes more than I enjoy most real people’s company. Oh, they aren’t nice characters for the most part; for the most part the characters are cockawful human beings, but Surveillance manages to make them all sympathetic, even the worst of them. After all if humans can sometimes be monsters, then monsters can also sometimes be human; I read that in a fortune cookie. Basically, Surveillance is the kind of fucked up flick that puts fur on my peaches. C’mon, y’all and get some fur on your peaches. Yeehaw!

[rivetgoth]

Since you’re on a Scream Park kick, I’m gonna ask; what do you think is the nature of Iggy’s relationship with Ogre? Buddies? Lovers? Brothers? I almost kinda lean toward Ogre being the younger, though larger, brother and that Iggy has been “looking after”/manipulating him his whole life. Despite Ogre’s strength he seems very submissive to Iggy and never questions (well, if he can talk lol) anything he asks of him. Thoughts? :D

THANK YOU FOR THIS I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS LAST NIGHT

So, firstly anyone who’s ever had the *honor* of watching Scream Park with me knows I’ll make stupid jokes about Iggy and Ogre being boyfriends/husbands cuz it’s low hanging fruit and I’m gay, but in seriousness I don’t ship them at all and I actually have no solid certain headcanon. I really wish we got some more backstory on Ogre and Iggy and got to see their interactions more cuz what we do see is really funny and like… cute in a way too and I wish I knew what that dynamic was on nights when they aren’t being paid to murder.

So here is what I do know: I read an article on Scream Park once that said that they were based on George and Lennie from Of Mice and Men, with Iggy obviously being the George of the duo. I don’t know if this was confirmed by a creator or if it’s just the writer’s analysis, but that’s here if you’re curious. I haven’t read the book in like nearly a decade now lol but it sounded kinda accurate from what I do remember, and at the very least I can really see it from Wikipedia’s character descriptions:

“George Milton: A quick-witted man who is Lennie’s guardian and best friend. His friendship with Lennie helps sustain his dream of a better future. He was bound in teasing Lennie since he was young. He is described by Steinbeck in the novel as ‘small and quick,’ every part of him being ‘defined,’ with small strong hands on slender arms. He has a dark face and ‘restless eyes’ and ‘sharp, strong features’ including a ‘thin, bony nose.’

Lennie Small: A mentally disabled, but gigantic and physically strong man who travels with George and is his constant companion. He dreams of ‘“living off the fatta’ the lan”’ and being able to tend to rabbits. His love for soft things conspires against him, mostly because he does not know his own strength, and eventually becomes his undoing. Steinbeck defines his appearance as George's ‘opposite,’ writing that he is a ‘huge man, shapeless of face, with large, pale eyes’ and ‘wide, sloping shoulders.’ Lennie walks heavily, dragging his feet a little, “the way a bear drags his paws,” adding that his arms do not swing at his sides, but hang loosely.”

I don’t really have anything too wildly deep to add to that, I guess I just read that and go “Oh yeah, I can see that” and move on LOL. Although I think you could extract a kind of interesting character analysis and headcanons if you’re looking at them as George and Lennie archetypes and you know that Iggy has taken on the job as much for money as for enjoyment (”I’m workin!”), but that’s kind of out there and probably a theory for another day. ANYWAY.

Interestingly I watched Scream Park like a day after rewatching Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, and with that still fresh on my mind I got HUGE Chop Top & Leatherface vibes from Iggy & Ogre that I’d never really even thought about before. I love Chop Top and Leatherface’s interactions, I think they’re really funny and endearing, I always got the impression that Chop Top cares about Leatherface and likes his company but since the whole family is fucked up beyond belief the way he shows that can also sometimes be fucked up, y’know. But the fact that they’re always together and the way they team up and work together to kill and Chop Top’s high fiving Leatherface after was always really funny and cute to me and I kinda got that vibe a little from Iggy and Ogre this time around too I think.

Iggy is very very clearly in charge and the “brains” of the whole thing, he’s orchestrating the murder and he’s doing the talking and he’s getting caught up taunting and toying with his victims, so realistically Ogre would be the brawn in the scenario, but I always thought that was kind of interesting cuz Iggy doesn’t really NEED a “brawn.” Iggy is, assuming he’s Kevin Ogilvie’s height, over six feet tall. He’s clearly pretty strong and he’s got weapons. He’s clever and he takes out a good number of the victims all on his own. If Iggy wasn’t so keen on toying with his victims he coulda taken everyone out really quickly imo. He purposely lets Allison live to continue to mess with her. Ogre is kind of there as like… backup. He comes in handy when Iggy is attacked by the one punk kid whose name is escaping me and Ogre charges in and rescues him, so there’s a very obvious logical reason. Iggy knows people are gonna fight back - He’s planning on it, even, considering how much he fucking loves toying with them. Having backup is important. In fact, doesn’t Iggy explicitly at one point call Ogre over to “help him take out this last one,” something to that effect?

I just kind of get the vibe that Ogre and Iggy are a duo and Iggy wouldn’t WANT to do this without Ogre despite his frequent reprimanding, and they have a closer bond than we’re presented with on the screen. Like, they’re pals. Iggy is probably generally not fucking easy to get along with, so the insults can’t be helped. No one probably even knows he exists, he probably lives in the backwoods of Pennsylvania where there’s no laws to stop him from murdering whatever he wants and he’s clearly aggressive and lacking any sort of empathy or consideration for human life and I get the feeling that Ogre may very well be Iggy’s ONLY relationship, whatever it is. Iggy talks to him like he’s really familiar with him- “You dented can, I should leave your ass in here!” like he’s threatening to punish a child LOL. Iggy can be seen sorta directing him where to go early in the film (when he’s first revealed, in his plague doctor mask), and I love how he grabs Ogre by the chin and forcefully directs him to look at something at one point which is a funny little intimate gesture that I think also implies they have an established bond of some sort if that makes any sense at all. Like, there’s just little interactions that although aggressive on Iggy’s end also are just handled with enough familiarity that you can extract a little bit of affection there as well. There’s also the fact that both come to each other’s aid in times of need; Ogre, like I mentioned, defends Iggy and saves his life when one of the victims attacks him, and when Jennifer kills Ogre at the end Iggy is visibly angry and his voice rises in octave and he sounds genuinely surprised. It doesn’t sound like they were just, like, single-night business partners. Iggy doesn’t fucking care about human life enough that he’d react that way if it wasn’t someone he was familiar with on a deeper level.

So I GUESS….. this is all pretty long winded, but in seriousness, with the little bit about them that we do know, I’m leaning a lot towards your initial suggestion. I feel like Ogre and Iggy probably have a brotherly relationship. There’s no way to guess if they ARE brothers or if that’s just the type of connection they have, though (I kinda lean towards them not being biological brothers due to one specific line of dialogue I’m not gonna get into here). Either way, Iggy is definitely in a caretaker role here, and… although I think he’s pretty capable of taking care of himself, I think he also does depend on Ogre’s strength for protection and I think he… likes having his company. After all, he did choose to bring him along in the first place, and despite his threats he didn’t leave him locked in the cupboard LOL.

[supervictoriagarcialove-blog]

03/30/99

    6:33 PM

    Warning! Explicit today! If you're easily offended, rush rush rush to the nearest Disney page. I'm serious. I do NOT want to hear any bitching about how you didn't want to hear details about my sex life when you knew full well what you were getting into. Okay? Okay.

    It all started the 13th, which was Saturday night. Rob showed up a lot earlier than I thought he was going to. I hadn't even got my makeup on yet, and I look horrid without it, so I locked my door and hurried up and put some on. We went and picked up my friend Adam because Rob wanted to meet him since Adam is his type. We came back to my house, and Rob gave Adam a little sucky sucky. We took Adam home, and Jennifer was waiting at my house when we got back because she wanted to meet Rob before we left. She left, then me and Rob had each other to ourselves. Ahhh, heaven, I had missed his touch so much.

    We got on the road around 10 AM the next day. We stayed the night in Topeka Kansas. The next night we stayed in Eagle Colorado. The next morning, Rob took his car through a car wash. The guy in front of us had a truck, and he couldn't get his truck onto the track. It took him 4 tries. Then when he was coming out, he hit a part of the car wash with his bumper and tore almost the whole bumper off of his truck. He got out and tried fixing it. Rob and I were laughing so hard. That was the highlight of Colorado, other than the mountains.

    Colorado was beautiful despite the tiring search for a hotel room. The mountains are so huge, in some places it looks like a gigantic rock is going to fall off of one and onto the interstate. I took a lot of pictures. We stayed in Beaver Utah the next night. Utah's pretty boring. It's pretty I suppose, but the sun was beating down on us all day. Hot hot hot! You have to be 19 to buy tobacco there. Not that I care, but it's frustrating! I swear, as soon as I turn 18, everything gets out of my reach again. But I don't smoke so it doesn't bother me that much.

    The next night we got to Las Vegas. We stayed at a hotel called Excalibur. Rob let me sneak and play a slot machine. The first 2 quarters I put in, I lost, but on the third one, I won 10 dollars! I quit while I was ahead of course.

    We ate at MGM the first night, and went to a sex shoppe and bought a strap on dildo for me to use on him. I used it that night, and about ripped a hole in him. He was moaning all night about how it hurt so bad. The next day, we had brunch at The Mirage, and saw a show in the basement of Excalibur called Tournament of Kings. It had guys with long hair riding around on horses and fighting each other. They give you a whole freakin hen for dinner while you watch. Quite delicious. The next day, we had brunch at Caesar's Palace, went on a roller coaster on top of New York New York, and saw the group Chicago back at Caesar's Palace. That's Rob's favorite band. It was absolutley creamy. I know Rob really enjoyed it, and just seeing him so happy made me even happier.

    The morning that we left, we had breakfast at another hotel called The Luxor. It's shaped like a pyramid. On the way over to The Luxor, we were on those moving sidewalk thingies, and the song 'The Tide Is High' by Blondie came on, and I started singing really loud. Rob acted like he didn't know me, haha

    After breakfast, we headed towards California. We stayed the night in a town called Victorville. The next day, we drove through LA, Santa Monica, Venice, Long Beach, Compton, Hollywood, Beverly Hills, Sunset Beach, and some other cities. We stayed in Huntington Beach that night. We tried to go swimming in the ocean, but it was FREEZING cold. Rob the nut went in the water anyway and his legs turned purple. We stayed there another night, and headed out towards Arizona the next day. We stayed in Tucson for the night. We stayed at a Motel 6 that had a pool, and it was warm enough to go swimming, so we did. No one was in the pool except us, so we got a little frisky, threw off our bathing suits, and had sex in the pool and gave each other oral sex. That was quite luverly! I also pissed on him in the shower later that night, since he's been telling me for a long time that he has a fetish for watersports.

    We stayed in Truth Or Consequences New Mexico the next night. Rob's old friend from school, Matt, lives there. Matt showed us around the area. He took us to the marina at night, when no one was there. It was quite freaky, because he told us about how some people went scuba diving in Elephant Butte Lake, and found these gigantic catfish. I'm not talking a couple feet long, I'm talking as big as a fucking car.

    The next day, he took us to his girlfriend's parent's gold mine in the Caballo Mountains, and let us poke around in the rocks and stuff. He told us a lot of stories about the gold mine, the government, aliens, and 2 feet long scorpions in the desert. He told us not to repeat it to anyone, so I'm not going to get into details. I don't remember a lot of what he said anyway. I really like Matt! I wish he was my bodyguard because for one, he's a big, tough guy. And for two, he has more guns than anyone I've met in my life. Even Rob thought it was a little ridiculous. Matt said he has so many because he's getting ready for Y2K or something.

    We didn't leave TOC until late that afternoon because Rob and I were going to meet Matt's girlfriend, but she was late, so we went ahead and got on the road again. We stayed in Alamogordo New Mexico that night. The next morning, we drove back a bit, and went to White Sands. That was absolutely beautiful. If you've ever seen the video 'Water Runs Dry' by Boyz II Men, that's the place I'm talking about. The sand is white, hence the name. It almost looks like snow. I got a bucket out of the trunk and filled it with the sand. We stayed in Amarillo Texas the next night, and headed out through Oklahoma the next day. While we were driving in Oklahoma, I caught a whiff of something that smelled like a perm. I looked up and saw this car with Nebraska plates with a lady in the backseat that had a huge ass perm. Was it her? I don't know, but this all struck me as extremely funny and I couldn't stop laughing. We stayed in Joplin Missouri that night, and got back home the next day.

    My favorite part of this trip was New Mexico. Las Vegas was a close second, followed by the beautiful scenery in every state we visited. Rob really liked New Mexico too. We both liked it so much, we're seriously talking about moving out there together. We'll probably buy some land around TOC, Elephant Butte, Williamsburg, or Caballo. Somewhere around those towns. There's desert and mountains around there, which is what we want. The air is hot, but it's dry, so it's not uncomfortable. I think it would be exciting to live there, because of all the stories Matt told us. That, with the kickass weather, and the beautiful scenery, I want to move down there NOW. Hopefully we'll be moved down there by winter.

    I had the time of my life. I love being with Rob. He's always acting silly, and trying to make me laugh, but at the same time, he's sexy and sensual. He gave me an armpit fetish, along with a few other things. I always considered myself to be open person when it came to sex, but he opened my eyes to a lot of things that I never really thought about before. I really can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. When he left today, I sobbed like a little baby. I feel so lonely and cold and sad and empty and blah I hate this. I hope I can see him again really soon, because I miss him tons and he hasn't been gone but for 6 and a half hours.

    I guess that's all for now. I'm off to talk to Rob. He just said that he's going to call some real estate agents TOMORROW and look for a trailer/motorhome for us to live in at first. We had talked about it while he was here, but I think we're getting really close to it. I can feel my heart beating in my chest so hard. I love him so much.

[hammerofthezods]

Movie Review - Red Dawn

Bonus feature: At the end of this review are several discussion questions for you to use if you are in a movie club and want to do Red Dawn. 

Oh my god, you guys. You have to see this movie. If you love to learn about how to defeat commie assholes in 1980's Colorado, this is the movie for you.

Red Dawn is a movie about a bunch of high school kids who have to live in the woods and fight Russians after the commies try to take over America. The main guy in the movie is Patrick Swayze. If you recall, Patrick Swayze played Darry in another totally badass movie called The Outsiders.  There are other way famous people in Red Dawn as well. Charlie Sheen is in it and so is C. Thomas Howell who, oh yeah, also happened to be in the Outsiders and was called Pony Boy in that movie. Charlie Sheen wasn't in the Outsiders, but I really think he should have been. He would have been one of the rich kids if he were in it. If you aren't familiar with The Outsiders (which what the hell is wrong with you?), C. Thomas also played that faggy guy Monroe in the best sports movie ever, Sideout. The lady characters in Red Dawn are played by Jennifer Grey, the whinny girl from Dirty Dancing, and Leah Thompson who seems like she was in tons of other movies but I can't think of any right now. 

So what happens is that all the high school kids are in class learning about some dumb shit when a bunch of Russian parachute men land on the playground and start doing army stuff. The teacher is like "I'm in charge here, Russians, so you better tell me what's going on". The Russian guys laugh right in his face and then explode all of his organs with machine guns. The kids see this and are all like "Oh, fuck! We gotta go live in the mountains."  So they all jump in a Ford Bronco and haul ass out of there. Before they leave town, they stop at the local sporting goods store to get guns and bows & arrows and many canned goods. So now they're up in the mountains and Patrick Swayze says "Listen up, losers. Me and my brother Charlie Sheen have been in these mountains tons of times with our dad, so we're in charge. If you don't like it, then I'm going to fight you in and around this campfire that I built." The only kid who doesn't like it is this sniveling ass nerdy guy who is the class president. He voices his protest and then gets fought by Patrick Swayze right in front of the fire. Patrick wins so now the class president falls in line and works for Patrick and Charlie.

So all the kids are just hanging around in the woods eating canned food and being so sad because of the Russians. They also do hunting stuff and this one time C. Thomas Howell shoots a deer or an elk or a lion or something. Patrick and Charlie tell him that he has to drink the animal's blood if he wants to be part of their hunting club. C. Thomas drinks the blood and tries to act tough about it, but you just know he's worried that now he has Elk HIV or something. 

Eventually, the group runs out of canned goods so they decide to go back into town to find out if it's now Russia. They sneak into town and this one girl tells them that their dads have been taken to jail that is really just a fenced in area. 

They guys head over to the fence jail and see their dad hanging out there and coughing a bunch. Alright, this part was so super sad that I can barely stand it. Their dad says that this is the last time they'll see him because he is going to cough himself to death. Patrick and Charlie start crying and I totally cried with them. So powerful, you guys. C. Thomas also cries because his dad isn't there. Seriously, this scene is not even a little bit chill. When everyone finishes crying, the kids leave and then go to this other guys house. The guy gives them some food and other stuff, but says that they also have to take his two granddaughters with them and they do. Guarantee that the first thing they thought about was trying to get naked with the teen girls. 

So now they're back in the mountains and everyone is really dirty, but somehow none of them ever grow any facial hair. This kind of sucks because surviving in the mountains pretty much means that you have to have a beard like all the time. Anyway, they're doing all this survival stuff like killing animals and sleeping in sleeping bags. Then they start to get pissed and want to fight back against the Russian invaders. They start small by killing a few at a time, but then they get a taste for Russian blood and become like these totally badass mountain fighters. When they kill bad guys they always steal their stuff so eventually they have all kinds of guns and missiles and horses and other army stuff.  They decide that they need a name for their survival team so they choose "Wolverines" because of high school football. The funniest part is when the Russian leader finds out that their name is Wolverines, he's all like "What the fuck is a wolverine?" Hah. Idiot!

One day when one of the girls is out hunting for Russian men to murder and rob, she stumbles upon this guy in a sleeping bag or parachute. She's about to kill him because he doesn't know the Capitol of Texas but he tells her to cut that shit out and that he's an American pilot who was shot down from the sky. She takes him back to the camp and C. Thomas rolls up on him all tough like and the guy totally thinks that C. Thomas is so lame which he is. Anyway, now the pilot is friends with the Wolverines. He thinks it way sucks that they have to get up so early everyday to kill Russians but he does it anyway lest he get fought by Patrick Swayze in front of that fire. One day, Jennifer Grey gets a major crush on the pilot and wants to do it with him so badly, but I don't know if they did or not because the movie doesn't show it. They probably did, though, because you should have seen Jennifer go into heat when she was with the guy. 

This other time, the Wolverines are hiding from a Russian tank that came to shoot them when C. Thomas Howell loses his shit and literally tries to fight the tank. This is a terrible idea and at one point the downed pilot guy gets shot or lanced or something. Anyway, he dies and oh my god, Jennifer Grey is so damn sad. It's probably a good thing, though because eventually the pilot would have gone to jail if he ever did any sex stuff with her because he's a full grown male adult. 

At this point, the Russians are so pissed at the Wolverines for being the best at mountain fighting. So now the head Russian sends these gunships up into the mountains to hunt down the murderous teens. It ends up working pretty well because the Wolverines only have horses which don't have any big Vulcan guns or missiles attached to them. Even if they did, though, how would they even have been able to aim them accurately? There were no computers or anything on the horses either. So Jennifer Grey gets killed by the Russian gunships, or it might have been Leah Thompson. C. Thomas also gets machine gunned which, I didn't even care when that happened because he was kind of getting on my nerves anyway.

Now what happens is that the Wolverines are seriously short on teenagers to kill bad guys with. They decide that Patrick and Charlie will go into town and distract the Russians so that the others can get away into American territory. So the brothers head to town and start to BRING. THE. FUCKING. HEAT.  Dirty Dozen style. They're just smoking bad guys left and right with their guns and hand grenades. At one point they throw like 50 grenades at just two guys. This is way violent and is also a great way to send the message that you don't even care how many of your weapons you have to use on a couple of commies. So, Patrick and Charlie are legit in it to win it. There's just pandemonium everywhere as the Russians apparently are inept as fuck (see: Afganistan circa 1983). Finally, Patrick and Charlie hide behind artillery guns on a train, but the head Russian guy, who is Aztec or some other kind of Latin, sees them and says that it's time for a fucking showdown. Patrick sneaks up behind him and says something way badass so the Latin guy spins around and they both shoot at the same time. They're like ten feet apart so I don't know why their organs aren't blown all over the place when they get hit but whatever. Finally the Russian/Latin guy dies and Patrick has that same exhausted look on his face that he had when he tore that guy's larnyx out in Roadhouse. 

Now we see that the other teens have made their way to American territory and they are way grateful that Patrick and Charlie Rambo'd all those Russians to death. We never hear what happened to the brothers. I'm guessing that they just started going town to town beating the shit out of Russians until there were no more left. The end of the movie shows that there is now a plaque honoring the Wolverine teens for their survival and murder skills. 

So, as you can tell, Red Dawn is so damn good. What makes it the best is that Patrick Swayze is just every kind of tough and is really the reason that America won the Cold War. When you watch this movie, though, you might want to skip past that way sad scene at the fence jail because you will cry and then feel sad too.

In case you're in a movie club and want to analyze Red Dawn, here are a few discussion starters:

Patrick Swayze is no doubt the best player on the high school football team. How many touchdowns do you think he scores in an average game?

When Patrick Swayze asserts his dominance early on in the movie, didn't you just know that this was going to happen?

When the teens found those horses, how long do you estimate that it took for Patrick Swayze to say that he gets first pick?

Prior to the Russian invasion, do you think that Patrick Swayze played other sports besides football, like wrestling?

Depending on your answer to question four, do you believe that Patrick Swayze was the best wrestler in the state? The country? The world?

Do you think that Patrick Swayze had a Golden Retriever named "Ranger"?

How many girls has Patrick Swayze made it with?