#fuck politics man but damn it it was pretty reassuring words from my mom

[sunny-side-up-eggos]

My mom gave me good advice right now with how things are right now.

"The best thing you can do is to start small. If you don't like something you have a right to oppose and protest. Nobody is going to take away who you are to yourself, no matter what the hell everyone is telling you. Start small with state and local governments because right now they're more frequent in election times. Just remember to breathe and just take yourself one day at a time. Things aren't completely uncertain so don't let yourself believe everything is the end of the world. Take one thing at a time."

[hanniejji]

rules: ship yourself with your favorite character and give headcanons on how your relationship would go

→ tagged by: @bnha-homeroom

→ tagging: @wesparklebitch @bakutae @cellotonin @bnhcs @jojosmilktea

look it's asking for only one character. and it's not specifically asking for a bnha character. you can't expect me to choose one and not feel bad because the others deserve love too gjsbf so i chose two i wanted to do all of them but that's too greedy of me tksbd im sorry :'<

warnings: this will be long. that's it.

TODOROKI SHOUTO

quiet duo™

it I met someone like shouto I wouldn't even like him at all

but there comes my considerate and civil treatment to all even with my resting bitch face

i watch everyone from the back so id notice if this man is having a hard time with socializing

me too boi we can be both antisocial

but tbh it'd be a quiet relationship with an occasional me screaming from emotions because that's how I am

we're both going to be uncomfortable with pda at first because tbh i only do that when I'm sleepy but it's ok we gotta take baby steps sometimes

but that doesn't mean I won't mother him and we all know this baby is touch starved so yes im going to give u all of the love u deserve

"get some rest pls you've been training for hours"

"i made your favorite soba, take a break bitch"

istg I'm a mother not a girlfriend

"let's both annoy enji and use his credit card until he's broke"

I CANNOT GUARANTEE THE SAFETY OF YOUR SHIRTS AND HOODIES BECAUSE THEY'RE MINE NOW

like damn id be giddy if he ever looks at me with those cute confused eyes for help with simple things or if he looks at me and ask if he's doing it right

mother mode level 1038104729

also damn id give him every food I can make like I don't need to stress bake to bake him some sweets or whatever

he'd probably do the same for me since I tend to overwork myself when I'm into things

but,, honey,, I don't want you to burn the kitchen

like yes pls pull me away from my textbook because I really don't understand a thing and even if I don't I'm sure my brain will still make me go read it over and over again

im never good with listening to others comforting me

like yes thank you very much but words are never a big impact to me after hearing it so much from people who don't even care anymore

so I'd appreciate his silence when I'm sad and he'd just hug me for comfort

he understands that all I need is someone to keep me on the ground, not force their words upon me

tbh I'd be more sleepy when I'm around him

he's the right amount of warm and cool, he's perfect dkfks let me just rest on his left side for warmth or his right side for some cooling off and boom. sleep.

there wouldn't be much of a fight tbh

I'm an open minded person and even if I don't agree with someone's opinion I wouldn't give a fuck

it's probably going to take the both of us long before we both open up to each other because we're both secretive but it'll probably be me who'd give in first

he'll probably catch me in my sulking mood and ask

I may be a mom but I'm also a dad

I'd fight bitches who think bad of shouto I WON'T HESITATE BITCH

he has to stop me physically from attacking a mutt because these claws are ready for some scratching

we're so similar yet so different at the same time lmao

that's all :D

LERO-RO

have you heard of this man's voice??? have you heard of this man's voice??

because what the fuck

i will not be able to not be in awe whenever he speaks and im sure my stupid self wouldn't be able to stop staring

like please talk to me more

speak with your morning voice pls

bless my ears

bless my fucking soul

idk man how did i end up with him?? im stupid and he's smart and im clumsy and he can kill a bitch for just two seconds??!

pray for me because this man is going to tease me for being 5"0 and he's a fucking tower pun intended

he's probably going to end up teaching me how to use a shinsu because— and I quote— "you're going to end up dying without me" but it'll be a bad idea because there's no guarantee that I won't use it to prank him or mess with people who irritate me :D

he's stressed™

"nO. you can't beat up another admin"

"i swear to fucking god if u do that— oh fuck u"

"please do"

like how did you end up with a quiet evil little bitch like me? go get yourself an angel because you're an angel yourself, we don't fit man

but he's also a sweet mf uwu he'd end up mothering me instead of me mothering him

but it's gonna be nice to be pampered y'all can't understand the pain of being a mother to everyone

and yes we're bam and khun's parents now

excuse me while I climb this 6 ft tree

he probably loves cuddling me from behind and placing his chin on my head

"I'm not a furniture go get your chair"

he's an test admin, he's gonna be stressed and tired of taking care of a bunch of children so it'll be my turn to smother him in love uwu here's your favorite food, a massage, a tea, some cuddles, and a warm bath for u and only u

I can sleep on him so watch me ask for a piggy back ride just to sleep

and he can't deny me of that ride because I'd look sluggish and tired and sleepy and no one can say no to my face

ill kith his two moles uwu

honestly, we'd probably have petty arguments sometimes because of my idgaf attitude while he's more of a respectful + polite + appropriate person

let me have my freedom pls I don't like being uptight :((

and there goes my insecure ass because no, this man is too good for me, and im just stupid for giving it a try

and masking my emotions wouldn't work with him

he's gonna see it from miles away and he's going to confront me about what im upset about and he's going to blame himself for it because that's just how it is

but it's ok, it takes two for a relationship to work

we'd reassure each other from our insecurities and we'll be ok

he's probably going to treat me. like I'm some cat or something which I am

I'm pretty sure he'd be weirded out by my weird habits like yes I can sleep everywhere unless it's noisy and yes I stress bake and yes I drink coffee but still fall asleep and yes I love food give me food

he's an observant man, he's going to notice how I say no to thing even tho I want to say yes because I don't prioritize myself and he's going to scold me for it

we probably have a "us time" every so often because we both need to rest and just enjoy each other's presence

in other words, shouto and leroro deserve someone better than me :'D

[beepbeeprichiellc]

Hey! If you could write anymore of the best friend’s brother au with Stan and Eddie as brothers I would love to read it!!!

Yes I can. Part One. 

Richie had never seen someone so pissed off in his life.

Sure there was that one time he had stolen Wentworth’s keys to take Betty Ripson to make out point, which ended with the loss of his virginity but even then there was a glimmer of knowing amusement in his father’s eyes when amidst the scorning. Now though-he knew that what honest and true annoyance looked like as Stan shot him the dirtiest look ever known to man. Mrs. Uris was cooing about having someone other than Mike over, practically fawning over the fact that Stan had more than one friend-not that the woman knew that Mike wasn’t exactly Stan’s ‘friend’-and asking him all about himself. Richie was in love with this, giving him something other than Stan’s annoyance to keep his attention.

Not that Eddie was giving Mrs. Uris a run for her money.

All he was doing was sitting there, in a school hodie and the same pair of sweats that had nearly given Richie an aneurysm earlier. Looking closer Richie realized that Eddie was an angel in disguise, his features soft and tangible, his voice like bells and every time he looked in Richie’s direction the air in the trashmouths lungs vanished. This was probably apparent to everyone except the parents, giving that Stan constantly growled out his answers and Eddie smirked when he did so.

“Yeah, my dad is a dentist and my mom stays at home. Although she has become quite a master of needle point here lately.”

“A dentist, that’s pretty neat.” Mrs. Uris replied, apparently fascinated with every word Richie spoke. “That must be why you are so polite, dentists always have polite kids.”

“How many dentist kids do you know there Andrea?” Mr. Uris asked, chuckling to himself. “Do you go around grading childrens politeness based on their parents occupation?”

Eddie snorted, nearly choking on his food in the process. “Sorry,” He sputtered out. “Went down the wrong tube.”

“Right,” Stan nipped, “And I’m Johnny Depp.”

“I didn’t know the Depp man was Jewish.” Richie playfully pointed out, earning a small chuckle from Eddie, causing the trashmouth’s heart to skip a beat. “You’d think they’d advertise that.”

“Anyways,” Mrs. Uris ushered, trying to keep her son form jumping from his chair and strangling Richie. “What are your hobbies Richie? Do you play any sports?”

“Oh god no.” He chuckled, earning an unimpressed look from Eddie. “I mean no offense but I’m not the most graceful person in the world.”

“I don’t know, have you ever seen Stan play any sport? It’s like watching a newborn calf walk.” Eddie laughed at his own joke, forcing Stan to toss his roll right into his chest. “Hey now, the truth hurts Stanley.”

“Now boys.” Mr. Uris warned, making both children halt their actions and mutter an apology under their breath. “Eddie her is on the track team at Saint Ann’s, they are expecting him to take state.” It was a brag, no doubt about it making Mr. Uris’s chest puff out and his wife smile. “Stan is set for an academic scholarship so both of the boys are looking at only the best colleges. A good extra curricular activity is good for you Richie, you should look into taking up something even if it’s like the chess team.”

“Richie is in the drama club.” Stan blurted, making Richie’s ears burn. “The president even, I think.”

“Wow.” Eddie whistled, coming to Richie’s defense. “That’s about as cool as Stan’s bird club.”

“Alright you know what Kasbrak?” Stan shot back, pointing his fork right at his brother. “If you wanna go there we can go there, remember that I have pictures of you with that stupid fanny pack on. Want me to bring those bad boys out?”

“You wouldn’t dare.” Eddie hissed, narrowing his eyes.

Stan licked his lips. “Try me big boy.”

“Kasbrak?” Richie asked, the name sparking a memory in his brain. “Wait, are you related to Crazy Kaspbrak that lives down on 2nd?” The entire room went tense, making Richie realize his mistake immediately. The Uris’s became fascinated by their plates as Stan shoved his fork into Richie’s thigh. “Oh shit, I didn’t mean to-”

“I didn’t know Sonia had a nickname.” Eddie chuckled, his face twisting into an unreadable emotion. “Why didn't’ you tell me Stan?”

“It wasn’t something I thought you would be impressed with.” Stan quipped, staring down an already shrinking Richie. “It’s just a dumb name some kids gave her Eddie, no one thinks-”

“It’s fine.” Eddie cut, shaking his head. When his brother tried to speak again, he would have none of it. “Stan, it’s fine, really.” Looking at Richie he continued, “Sonia is my mother, although she’s nothing more than a birther to me.”

“Eddie…” Mr. Uris whispered softly, reaching out to his adoptive son but faltering when the phone began to ring from the kitchen. For a moment it looked like he was going to ignore it, but politeness won over as he pulled from the table and disappeared from the room. His voice still carried, the moment the person on the other line spoke, all politeness vanished. “I told you not to call here again.” Pause, “No, he doesn’t want to-”

Eddie sighed, rolling his eyes and excusing himself to go to Mr. Uris aid. His voice was much louder, much sharper and borderline pissy. “I told you not to call here again Sonia.” The name like venom to the dinner table. Stan looked sympathetic to Richie for the first time since his arrival, biting his lip and closing his eyes. “I don’t care what your therapist says, stop trying to contact me. You know what the judge said, I don’t have to put up with this bullshit anymore.” A very long pause, followed by. “Call here again and I’ll call the cops.” The slam of the phone caused everyone to flinch, their eyes advertising Eddie as he walked into the room.  Eddie cleared his throat, making the parents look up. “Can I please be excused from dinner? I’ve lost my appetite.”

“Eddie, are you okay?” Mrs. Uris soothed, her eyes soft and inviting.

“I’m fine.” He assured, “Just tired.”

“Alright.” She replied, obviously unconvinced. “Goodnight son.”

“Goodnight.” His eyes lifted once more to meet Richie’s and a shiver ran down the trasmouths spine, settling down at the pace of his hip making him buzz. Once gone conversation lagged until it was over, and Richie was relieved when he and Stan could go back to their homework, although Richie’s mind kept wandering to the room next to Stan’s, ACDC blaring form it’s walls.

It was well past midnight before Richie realized Stan had actually passed out sitting upright. His mouth hung open, a deep breath coming from his lips. It wasn’t that Richie wasn’t impressed-because he was-it was that he knew how pissed he was going to be when he woke so to make sure he didn’t kink up his neck too bad, Richie literally tucked him. Once that was done he picked up the books and paper, careful not to disturb other things that Stan himself had organized. With a need for a cigarette making him itch.

Knowing that he had to be sneay, Richie chose the backyard for his secret smoke, careful not to make a single creek aas he snuck out. It was a relief, feeling the nicotine touch his lungs and he thanked every deity for whoever invented the damn cancer sticks. It was calm out here, Derry was fast asleep as well as it’s residences. A sweet release that only a cool night could bring and an easy feeling that a good breath provided. Richie was at peace.

“You know those things kill right?”

Richie nearly jumped out of his skin, obviously not expecting the sudden voice. It was Eddie, sitting on the porch swing, silently swaying to and fro. How in the hell Richie hadn’t noticed him was beyond him but there he was, in all his angelic glory. “Fuck, I didn’t know anyone was awake. I’m not-uh-this isn’t-”

“Calm down, I don’t care that you smoke.” Eddie reassured, waving away Richie’s fear of being outed. “Did mean to scare you, sorry about that.” He didn’t sound one bit sorry, his smirk an indication of his amusement. “What are you doing up? Isn’t Stan’s bedtime like nine o’clock?”

Richie chuckled, “Yeah, he straight up passed out while writing. Not a night owl is he?”

“Never has been.” Eddie nodded, “Does have a tendency of waking up early though. It’s super annoying.”

“Hmm.” He hummed in response, taking in the last drag before flicking the bud onto the ground and stomping on it. “And what about you? What are you doing awake this late?”

“I don’t sleep much.” Eddie shrugged, crossing his legs. “Come out for fresh air when I’ve got a got alot on my my mind.”

“What what do you have on your pretty little mind Eds?” The nickname just slipped out, tumbling down his front before falling between them with no grace whatsoever. He thought about taking it back but it stuck with him, Eds. His Eds.

“That’s not my name.” Eddie corrected, rolling his eyes. “Eddie already is a nickname dumbass.”

“I like it.” He admitted. “And that’s not really an answer.”

Eddie sat there for a moment, squinting his eyes and pursing his lips. “I’ll tell you what,” He sange, standing from the swing and strolling towards where Richie stood. “I’ll tell you what’s on my mind if you take a walk with me.”

“A walk?” He repeated, raising an eyebrow. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“Hmm.” Eddie passed by him, turning so that he was walking towards the gate backwards, his sparkling eyes inviting the trashmouth to join in the sins that the night held. “So it is.”

“Wait, what are you-”

“Come on Richie, where is your sense of fun?” Eddie playfully jested, licing his lips and pushing open the exit with his hip.

Richie knew Stan’s rule.

Knew what he had promised.

But those eyes, that smirk, it called to him in a way that couldn’t be ignored. It was an invitation, a sudden need to fulfill any of  Eddie’s request that made Richie want to run head first through that gate. Somewhere deep down he knew that it would only cause his best friend to scold him in the morning but that was hours away, which right at that moment felt like a century. There was no use in arguing, which is why Richie followed, his heart leading him out into the streets and into the unknown.

Eddie fucking Kaspbrak, Richie thought, you are going to be the death of me.

[laboratorioautoral]

Prompt: when Arya brings Jon as her date to some Tully cousin wedding everyone thinks it's because she had no one to invite. No one knows they're defiling some of the rooms of the wedding venue.

Fair warning that this one has M content in it. Enjoy the ride, girl!

“Itwas very nice of you to come with Arya.” Robb said while givingJon’s shoulder a friendly petting. He was Jon’s best friend and akilling business man, but when it came to observe his surroundingsand seeing the obvious Robb wasn’t exactly the brightest. Jon triedto play cool as if that wasn’t a big deal at all, he was sweatinglike a sinner in church inside his suite. “God knows these familygatherings can be a pain and after she broke up with Gendry it wouldimpossible for Arya to escape the inquisitorial brigade.”

Jonlaughed nervously as he held his whiskey and tried to play cool withhis best friend. He was a terrible liar and Robb was an overzealousbrother. Keeping him ignorant about the nature of his currentarrangement with Arya was for the best to all the parts involved.

“Ithappens that I’m a decent guy and Arya shouldn’t have to come toa place such as this on her own. I offered myself so she wouldn’tfeel embarrassed for not finding someone else escort her in time forthe wedding. I can always keep her far from your mother’s aunts andweird Lysa if needed, although I doubt Arya will ever need me torescue her.”

“Idon’t get it why you don’t have a girlfriend since Ygritte.”Robb had clearly drunk more than it would be wise to, but if thathelped him to keep his nose out of Jon’s business, all the best.“You are a true gentleman.” Robb said as he poked his chest,before going back to his table where Jayne was waiting for him with asour face.

Hewondered how many times Edmure would get married and force the wholefamily to pretend they believed that this time would be for real.Roslyn seemed to be a fine lady for sure, but that was no guaranteeof keeping Tully to one bed. That was none of Jon’s businessthough. As long as Jon could enjoy the free drinks he was cool withall the wedding extravaganza. More than just cool really.

Aryawas looking his way nervously. She wasn’t comfortable with Robbmaking questions, but that wasn’t the case. Robb was justcompletely oblivious and believing firmly that he had agreed toescort Arya out of pity and friendship. Well…Pity had nothing to dowith that.

Catdidn’t seem pleased with Jon’s presence at her brother’swedding, but Mrs. Stark remained as polite as ever although the wayshe looked at him was terrifying. Arya had reassured him that it wasjust because her mother had hoped for her to present her fiancee tothe rest of the family. Arya had ruined those plans a couple of weeksbefore the wedding by breaking up with her long term boyfriend forreasons Jon would never speak of out loud.

Hemight have had something to do with the split. He surely hadn’tkissed her out of friendship when Arya started to rant about how itwas absurd the pressure she was suffering for moving his relationshipto the next level. He hadn’t begged her to reconsider just becausehe didn’t agree that Gendry was the best for her. No…They hadn’tfucked the whole night just so Arya could be sure of her lifechoices. Oh no…That had been something both of them had beenfantasizing since Arya kissed him under the mistletoe in one of themany Christmas he had spent at the Starks, or at least he had. Jonwas going to hell anyway, so that was a sin he would never neglect.God, had it been worth it?!

Noone else in her family knew the reason behind her actions. Ned hadbeen upset, but not surprised, while Cat was somewhat embarrassedabout her daughter being so different from Sansa while dealing withthose things.

Whateverhappened between them was surely the result of a long period ofdenial and repressed feelings. He couldn’t tell when it started,only when it became to obvious and to asphyxiating to be omitted.Arya was supposed to be something like a little sister to him, giventhat Jon knew her since she was nine and he became friends with Robbat school. They were close, some times too close to make peoplearound them comfortable, but Jon never even considered looking at herin a different way until she started to date a random guy named EdricDayne.

AfterDayne came the foreign guy and then Gendry. With the last one thingswere getting serious and so was his crush on her. It was more than acrush really. Something between maddening lust and pure passion. Aryawould laugh at him if he said it out loud, but he was almost sure itwas love.

“WhatRobb wanted?” She came to him asked once her brother finally leftJon in peace.

Itwas unusual for Arya to wear dresses and fancy clothes, but that wasa special occasion after all. His eyes roamed all over her body andit was impossible to conceal his hunger for her. Hell! He wanted tovanish from that place, tell everyone to get lost and be alone withher in his hotel room. Burn the damn place, make her scream his nameso loud that the manager would end up calling the police.

“Hewas thanking me for coming as your escort.” Jon said before sippinghis whiskey while playing cool to not rise suspicions. “He thinksI’m a good friend.”

“Ohyou are a very good friend.” She replied with a sly grin playing onher red painted lips. “Very good indeed. Are you enjoying theparty?”

“Honestly?”Jon looked at her with utter boredom. “I hate your mother’s sideof the family. Really. I want all of them to get lost and I’m sureI’ll end up murdering someone if they ask me who my parents areagain.”

“Oldrich people have this weir habit. If you visited your father morefrequently, you would notice that too.” Arya pointed before takingthe glass from his hand and giving it a sip. “What can I do to makeit easier for you to stay here?”

“Youwant me to say the truth or to be polite?” Jon teased beforelooking around and checking if there wasn’t anyone looking. Once hefigured that it was safe to get closer to her, his hand restedagainst the small of her back and teased with the idea of grabbingher ass.

“Nothere.” Arya slap his shoulder lightly. “Later.”

“Ihate this place and everyone here but Robb and Ned. This is beingtorture and I want to take you back to the hotel so I can do all thenasty things I have in mind right now.”

“Careful,Jon. You’ll have to fulfill your promises. I’m not sure you’llbe sober enough to perform.” It was a challenge he was willing toaccept and prove her how capable he was.

“Ok.That’s the deal.” He said lowly close to her ear. “Find us anempty room here. Right now. I can’t wait any more.”

Aryagave a few steps back and grinned at him in a way that could onlymean she had a plan. Not an ordinary plan. More like somethingstraight out of a movie and wasn’t she a star after all? It wasonly fitting to her personality.

“Ithink…I need some wine.” She said while waving her hand at awaitress that was carrying the drinks.

Thegirl came to them and passed Arya a glass of red wine. Arya gave it asip while Jon looked at her a bit incredulous about her blunt lack ofconcern for his needs. He had no idea of what she had in mind. Maybeshe would just tease him to no end, so when they got back to thehotel he would be  all mad and angry, just to make thing rough andwild between them.

“Whatthe hell are you doing?” He questioned. Arya’s smile got wider.

“Drinkingsome wine.” She said sarcastically. “It’s really good. Youshould try it.”

“Idon’t want wine.” He replied without understanding what thatscene was all about.

“Youshould really try it, Jon.” Arya insisted as she came closer withthe glass in hand. He should have sensed the danger of her wickedmind, but he wasn’t the brightest when Arya got all of hisattention like that.

Itall happened very quickly. Arya made a face before faking a tumbleand spilling half of the wine all over his shirt. Jon was stupefiedfor a moment as he looked down his stained shirt. He didn’t knowwhat to do at first. He simply looked back at her without a clue ofwhat was wrong with her. Arya made an apologetic face that was aperformance worthy of an Academy Award.

“I’mso so sorry! Come! Let me find something to clean this mess before itruins your shirt for good.” She said before grabbing his hand anddragging him around like a dog on a leash.

Hefelt a bit stupid, but he played along. Jon let her lead the wayuntil they found the Stark’s table.

Assoon as Cat saw what have happened to his clothes, she looked at Aryaas if she hadn’t even been able to find an escort that could handlea glass of wine without making a mess out of it.

“Whathappened to you?” Ned asked first. It Robb was completely cluelessabout what was going on between Jon and Arya, he surely had inheritedhis slow perception from Ned.

“It’sall my fault. I was holding my glass when I tumbled and let the winespill all over Jon’s shirt.” Arya explained with the mostinnocent voice one could ever hear. “Mom, do you know where I canfind something to clean this mess? Maybe get Jon another shirt?”

Catlooked at them carefully. Jon was sure the woman hadn’t bought asingle word Arya had said, but she had no proof to contest herdaughter.

“Theguest’s room on the second floor is empty. You can ask someone ofthe staff to get Jon one of Edmure’s shirts. It maybe a bit largefor him, but it’s better than this for sure.” Cat replied in aneven and bored tone. “You should be more careful next time, Arya.”

“Oh,I will.” Arya grinned before grabbing his arm again. “Come, Jon.”

Thatwas when everything made sense inside his head. That wicked woman!How he loved it when she got them in a bit of a role play. He waspositively feeling like James Bond sneaking into the enemies lair tohave a good shag before stealing something vital to the mission.

Jontried to not laugh at the whole thing and play along with her story.Arya led him into her uncle’s outrageous house. The place waspretty much a palace, or at least something like a mansion frommovies. He had only seen something like that whenever visiting hisfather during summer or a random holiday.

Whenthey got to the second floor Arya dragged him inside the empty roomand slammed the door behind him. She looked at him with a triumphantgrin on her face as she inclined her head to the right just a bit.

“Ithink you should take of this shirt so we can fix it.” She teasedand before she could speak anything else Jon was already pressing heragainst the closed door and kissing her avidly.

Aryaremoves his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt blindly. Jon’s handsearched for the zipper of her dress and opened it half way to bed.It felt like unwrapping a Christmas present. Under the expensive gownhe found her in a set of smoking hot underwear. Something lacy andtransparent that looked inviting to the touch and gave little toimagination.

Shesat on the king size bad and spread her legs wide open. He needed notfurther clue for what do next. Jon got on his knees between her legas Arya laid her back on the bed. Jon gave her belly and open mouthkiss as his hand slid down from her breast to her slippery wet cunt.

Hisfingers sank inside her before his mouth could reach for her clit andgive it a hard suck. Arya let a little cry of surprise escape hermouth and Jon felt her body relax once his tongue started to work onher in sync with his fingers’ moves.

Herbody arched and her breath got labored. Jon could feel her alllanguid and his fingers played with her. Tight, warm and silken,nearly dripping so she could received him inside of her. Damn theparty downstairs and the need for a hushed encounter just to settlehis needs so he could make it to the rest of the day. Damn her familyand all the role play they had been putting up so no one would findout. He wanted Arya to scream his name loud and clear for everyone tolisten. There would be no moments of silence. He liked her betterwhen she would sing her songs of pleasure.

Aryaheld to the covers of the bed as her legs tightened around his head.He felt her right hand on his scalp, pulling his hair and keeping hishead in place. Not that Jon needed directions at that point. He knewhow she liked it. He had learned to read her body to the point ofknowing all of her favorite spots by heart.

Shelet a loud and strangled sound crawl out of her throat and Jon felther tightening around his fingers. Her taste invaded his mouth all ofa sudden and he licked every single drop of her. That was a goodentrance. Main course promised to be worthy of the gods’ mouths.

Jonlooked up to her, all lazily laid and grinning out of sheersatisfaction. It took her a few seconds to sat back in bed andunbuckle his trousers. For a moment he thought she would return thefavor. Not that he would complain if that was the case, but he wouldrather skip the foreplay and go straight to game. Luckily, Aryaseemed to read his mind at times.

Aryagot back on her feet and took his hand. She pulled him to thebathroom. Like a nymph or a witch, her hips swayed as if she wasdancing all the way back to the forest, dragging her next prey intoher cave.

“Whatis the game now?” He asked once they were inside. “Do you need ashower already?”

“No,stupid.” She said before turning her back at him and reclining overthe marble countertop of the double sink cabinet, just to give him abetter look of her ass. Arya looked at him through the mirror andgave a half smile. “I want to get a better look of us as you fuckme good.”

Ohshe wouldn’t have to say it again!

Jongave her ass a good slap and her left shoulder a bite. Arya’s smilegot wider in the mirror as she leaned her body a bit more to give hima better angle.

Heguided his cock inside her deliciously wet cunt. Arya moved her hipsa bit, making it impossible for him to have any other coherentthought. Jon grabbed a handful of her hair before he started to move.Arya had been right, as usual. The image of them fucking like madreflected on the mirror was a true work of art.

Jonmade it slow at first. He wanted to enjoy the view of her boobsshaking as he thrust inside her and savor the moment properly, butArya seemed to be craving for a different kind of game.

“Faster!”She said angrily. “I’m dying here!” He was more than pleased tooblige.

Therhythm got frantic and Arya was so tight that it made it almostimpossible for him to last long. Fifteen minutes was far from beingsomething Jon would label as satisfactiory and he had promised hersomething memorable.

Hisright hand got between her legs to work on her clit once more andArya’s mouth formed a perfect “O” in sign of approval. Jontried to focus on her. Focus in making her cum first. He increasedthe pressure on her clit and pumped his hips against hers evenfaster.

Arya’sright hand reached for the mirror for support as the left arm stoodfirmly over the countertop. She was close, he could tell. Very closein deed. He kept rubbing her clit vigorously until Arys screamedhoarsely and he felt her tightening in a sequence of spasm round hiscock. Jon gave a good look at her face reflected in the mirror beforecumming deep inside her.

Theycouldn’t speak or even breathe properly for a while. When Jonrecovered his senses he gave a step back and let Arya go back to herfeet.

Sheturned around and looked at him like a goddess pleased with anoffering received. She kissed him hard once more before walking outof the bath room to pick up his stained shirt from the floor. Aryasoaked the damn thing in water and had a little soap spread all overit.

“Youknow I don’t care about this shirt, don’t you?” He asked beforegiving her bare ass another smack.

“Youmight not care but, should my mother ask the staff, they will be ableto tell her that I had been trying to wash the wine out of it and ittook me a while to realize it wouldn’t work.” Arya explained witha know-it-all smile.

“Maybewe should just… You know. Come out as a couple already and be donewith it?” Jon suggested while he grabbed his clothes and gotdressed. “Robb will overcome the trauma, eventually.”

“Andmiss all the fun of sneaking into an empty room with you on myuncle’s next marriage?” Arya teased.

“Wecan keep doing it. We would just skip the part in which we pretend tobe just friends. It’s kind of exhausting and I don’t think we areconvincing anyone, by the way.” Jon replied as a matter of fact.“What do you think?”

“Ithink I should find you a clean shirt.” Arya said airily. “But ifthe point of this chat is asking me to be your girlfriend, I think wecan make it official in a month or two. I just broke up with my ex.Let us give my family some breathing space.”

“Deal.”He said it all too pleased with himself before kissing her.

“Weshould go back to the party.” She said.

“Onlyif you promise me we are getting back to the hotel as soon aspossible.” He answered. “I’m not done with you yet, Miss.”

[thechocoboos]

Cor with a Daughter HC

Hey guys, it’s ya girl, thechocoboos, here to deliver some Cor HC bc he’s great! 

In this scenario, that weird fucker Verstael makes female clones alongside the normal ones (so yes there are female MTs in this AU) and Cor steals one when he takes baby Prom away, so uh... It’s a mess, but it’s a cute mess.

So Cor was the one who stole baby Prompto away right? Right. So, turns out, Verstael made a female clone as well (that also means that in this au there are female MTs)

And guess what? Cor stole one of those too.

Just picture this: a scuffed up, young Cor Leonis on the run from the Empire with two little blond, freckled babies in his arms. I know. It’s cute.

Anyways

Cor knew he was supposed to return both babies, but the second he looked into the girl’s cornflower blue eyes, he knew he couldn’t give her up

It hurt enough to give up the boy after getting so attached in only a few days, but when she looked into his eyes, he vowed he’d raise her as his own

She had been so calm, merely sucking on her thumb while her brother (what he could only assume was her brother) was wailing his adorable little head off

Even so, he saw the fear in her sparkling blue eyes and promised that she would never have to feel that fear again; Papa Cor was gonna raise her in a safe environment

And he did.

He turned baby Prompto over and had to watch as he was put in the foster system, but he quietly adopted the girl as his own with no one knowing where she came from save for Regis and Clarus

Everyone else? Well, he simply told them that she was the niece of a distant relative that was unable to care for her

“Aww, that’s so sweet of you!” or “Aw, look at you bein’ a big ole softee.” is what everyone said, and it was always followed by, “What’s her name???”

“Poppy.” she may be the same poppy from the actor au but who knows

Papa Cor raised Poppy well

He always gave her the best toys and always, always left work early so he could pick her up from daycare with a warm smile and all

He’d pick her right up in his arms, earning a cute bubble of laughter from her and he’d ask, “How was my little princess’s day?”

All the women in the area swooned (me too)

Unfortunately, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows

In the beginning, Cor was terrified. He had no idea how to raise a child, and he didn’t even have baby furniture for a week (not to mention his apartment wasn’t babyproofed either like y i k e s)

He only survived through the help of his elderly neighbor, Gertrude. She was the mother of four kids and had more grandkids than he could count

But she was always willing to help him. “It’s not often that I see a single dad tryin’ to make it on his own like this,” She told him a couple months after he adopted Poppy, “But it always warms my heart to see a young father trying so hard. Keep it up, young man.”

And he did.

He stuck through it--through the potty training, through the tears, tantrums, incessant babbles and the waking him up in the middle of the night

He stuck through it all and never regretted it

When Poppy said her first words, he practically shouted for joy and even called Regis and Clarus up and the day after? Oh man, the trainees were scared to see such a smile on Cor’s face (he actually went easy on them that day so it was pretty nice for them)

Cor kept pictures of her in his office and always had a small pic of her in his wallet and i swear to you, if he ever had the chance to bring her up in conversation, he would brag and brag away

Poppy really liked reading and wasn’t a big fan of athletics or fighting, much to Cor’s relief

He tried keeping her away from politics and such, didn’t want her questioning too much, ya know?

Still, he knew he’d have to teach her basic combat, just in case (plus he knew one day she’d start dating and he didn’t trust those teenage boys…)

And he did. And surprisingly, as much as Poppy hated it, she was really, really good at it

Cor figured her out-of-nowhere skills at combat were due to the Empire, but he was more relieved than not that she hated fighting; it gave him some reassurance that she wouldn’t ever abuse her skills

Although it wasn’t a big concern in the first place, his daughter was pretty damn soft-spoken and shy; she hated conflict and fighting more than most

Overall, she was a tame kid

She followed the rules, listened well, was a fantastic student… Honestly, Cor counted himself lucky that she was such a good kid

Although whenever he mentioned it to Clarus, Clarus would only chuckle and say, “Yeah, you raised her that way, Cor.”

It always seemed strange to him, that he--a gruff, tough soldier--could raise someone so sweet and shy, but there many more moments where all he felt was pride--pride for himself and pride for his daughter

Still, Poppy had her faults: she had too big of a heart for her own good

She was always trying to bring in hurt animals or asking if they could get a dog or a cat (Cor ended up relenting when she was 10; they ended up with an elderly cat named Haggus and Poppy swears he’s the kindest cat ever)

And then there was her trusting nature. She was incredibly trusting and understanding; Cor was terrified that she’d get taken advantage of one day (all though, deep down, he knew she wouldn’t. At the end of the day, she was a Leonis and he raised her to be reasonable and carry a healthy amount of suspicion)

Sometimes when she was still little, he would worry about her getting into some shit or something going wrong and when he did, it would bug him in the back of his mind until he went to pick her up from daycare (he always gave her tighter hugs on those days)

Cor raised Poppy as his own, but he also told her that she was, in fact, adopted when she was around 11. He didn’t want her to find out through someone else and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could avoid questions about her mom or the strange barcode tattoo (he always told her to keep the barcode covered, and he was always so firm about it that she never dared to do otherwise)

Of course, he didn’t tell her the entire truth. Yes, she was adopted, but he still stuck by the story that she was the niece of a distant relative and eventually, Poppy stopped asking

And as previously mentioned, Cor kept Poppy out of politics and the Citadel

Like, there were a few times when she went to balls or social events (and everyone would always coo over how cute she was) and sometimes Cor might take her to work with him (when she was young), but outside of that, she was never really in the Citadel, not even when Cor was training her

However, whenever she was there, she ended up being around Noctis

There weren’t very many kids there besides her and Noct--sometimes Iggy (maybe Gladio, but he was always with the adults), so they often ended up hanging out

She’d see Gladio around here and there, too, and was pretty curious about him, but Noctis was always super reluctant to go talk to Gladio (let’s face it, Gladdy was probably a dick as a kid and tried to act older than his actual age, so basically, no fun for Noct)

They’d giggle together and run around the Citadel, playing games and goofing off while the adults went around with their boring chatter

Despite how much fun they had, those few social events a year were the only times they saw each other and as they got older, Poppy was able to stay at home instead of attending

So then, they stopped seeing each other at all

Cor always felt a little bad whenever she would ask about Noctis, but he was determined to keep Poppy and work separate (something he was very good at doing)

Still, despite all of Cor’s attempts, Poppy and Noct ran into each other again in high school

They were pretty quick to befriend each other again after a few weeks of awkward small talk, and when Cor found out, he couldn’t help but feel a tad annoyed (I mean, he’d been trying to keep her away from politics and shit for years)

Of course, through Noct, Poppy got to know Ignis very well (he was often in the background of those damn social events when they were kids, so they knew each other existed for sure)

Ignis was fairly fond of Poppy. He always said that she might be a good influence on Noctis.

Gladio was aware of Poppy and she was aware of him, and tbh, they thought the other was pretty damn cute but they never really interacted beyond group outings that centered around Noct (tho they would become surprisingly close down the line)

And Prompto? It was a bit of a weird thing

In summary: their first meeting was weird as fuck

Noct was the first one to befriend Prom, and the first time they properly met, he was absolutely S H O O K

Prompto was so similar to Poppy. They had the same freckles, the same cornflower blue eyes, same shade of hair… They even seemed to have the same inflections in their voices

The longer Noct was around Prompto, the more similarities he saw between him and Poppy and tbh… it weirded him out

And theeen… Then, there was the day that Prompto and Poppy met

Noct offhandedly mentioned that Prompto would be joining them at the arcade, to which Poppy eagerly agreed. Noct had mentioned Prom quite a bit, so at that point she figured that she should meet him

“Oh! I found Prom!” Noct said later, nodding his head towards Prompto’s familiar silhouette, “Hey, Prom!”

Prompto turned around of course, beaming as he walked closer to them in the arcade, “Hey, Noct! And you’re Poppy, ri-” He froze when he saw her

Her mouth was open to speak, but she couldn’t help but freeze when she saw him only a few feet away

It was like looking at a weird, distorted version of herself

Noct kept glancing between them, “Shit, I didn’t realize how similar you guys were until now.”

Luckily, it broke whatever weird spell they were under

Prompto managed to laugh it off and they had a quick, very awkward introduction before moving onto the arcade

It was strange and surreal for both Poppy and Prompto, and honestly, at first? Awkward as hell

They didn’t talk much to each other and seemed to be avoiding one another as best they could

Poppy even ended up going home earlier than planned, giving Noctis an apologetic smile and saying something about how her dad wanted her to help him with some pie (Cor hated pie so it was a bald-faced lie)

That evening, Cor could tell something was up

“Thought you’d be out with the Prince until pretty late.”

Poppy tried to dismiss his statement with a shrug, but Cor’s steady gaze and open silence pushed her for more info. “Just wasn’t feeling it. Met another one of his friends and it was kinda weird, ya know? His name’s Prompto and he’s plenty nice enough but…”

It clicked into place, and with a stoic nod, Cor didn’t ask any more questions. Internally, however, he was beating himself up

He knew very well it was the same Prompto he stole from the Empire with Poppy and he knew something like this would happen with her hanging around the Prince so often

It was only a matter of time before she pieced together some kind of connection and honestly? Cor wasn’t sure what to do when she did

Luckily for Cor, it was a long time before that happened

In the meantime, however, Poppy and Prompto somehow got over their awkward avoidance of each other (it was defo thanks to Noctis)

They ended up clicking very well. They’d finish each other’s sentences, laugh at the same damn stuff, freak out at the same things, and they were absolutely fantastic at teaming up together

Simply put, they became best friends. Noctis and Ignis were surprised at how well they got along, especially after the rocky start to their friendship, but at that point, they were practically stuck at the hip

Cor was uneasy as hell when it came to Prompto

There were times when Poppy’s friends were over and he was strangely tense (although he would always tell Poppy it was just at surprise at seeing the Prince in his apartment with his advisor and bodyguard)

Still, it was only a year before Noct left for his marriage to Lunafreya that Prom and Poppy found out about their barcodes

They had been goofing around like normal before deciding to try their hand at making cheesecake in Poppy’s kitchen

She didn’t want to get her long sleeves dirty and rolled them up, figuring that Prompto wouldn’t notice her wrist in their goofing around

Unfortunately, there were a few minutes of comfortable silence when he did

And boy did he clam up

“Uh… Poppy, is that uh, a tattoo?”

Poppy freaked out about it of course, “Uh, no--it’s just one of those fake stick-on tattoos ya know?” She had tried to lie her way out of the situation

“Oh--that's, that’s cool…” He didn’t believe it completely, “But,” but he had to try, right? “I actually have a similar one! Haha,”

“You do?” The seriousness in her voice was enough to cut all humor out of the room

“Y-yeah,” and he showed her.

Poppy felt the closest to understanding her damn tattoo than she’d ever felt before

Neither of them knew what it meant, but they felt an intense sense of solidarity and there was an unspoken pact between them from then on

They never really spoke about it for a long time, and Poppy never asked Cor. She was almost too scared to; she didn’t know what it meant and didn’t want to break their small family apart trying to figure it out

When she finally did find out, she was worried that Cor secretly hated her and that she was an abomination

Of course, Cor ended that pretty quickly. She ended up having a breakdown one night, and it was all Cor could do not to break down with her

He knelt down to look her in the eyes, holding onto her hands with his own just like whenever she fell as a kid and he wanted to cheer her up

“Poppy, you’re my daughter. I took you from that place and raised you myself. The second I looked you in the eye, you had me wrapped around your little finger. I could never hate you, not for spilling my favorite beer or waking me up when you were little, and definitely not for where you came from. You’re my kid, Poppy, and nothing’s gonna change that.” He managed to give her a shaky smile and earn one from her too, wrapping her in a big, comforting hug and making all of her worries disappear

“I love you, dad.”

“Love you, too, kiddo.”

Look i just love this ok. Give Me Papa Cor or Give Me Death.

B/c I’m a slut for a happy ending: Poppy did go on that road trip with the bros but guess what?

Luna lived, Noctis lived, they both got married and had some cute kids

Poppy ended up in a relationship with Gladdy (he kind of fell in love with how cute and sweet she was, plus the fact that if she had to she would kick his ass--which she did on multiple occasions)

Cor became a grandpa and both loved and hated it. He also never stopped giving Gladio hell.

Prompto married a swell gal and had some kids. Auntie Poppy spoiled them rotten btw

Regis and Clarus were proud Grandpapas, Iris and Poppy got along really really well (Iris said that if Gladio didn’t marry Poppy then she would)

Ardyn lived and became a weird trash uncle who spoiled the family kids and no one knows where he got his fortune from

Anyways, everyone lived happily ever after

Hope you guys enjoyed and let me know if you want some more realistic plot hc!

[weirdochick56]

Past Lives- Dean Winchester AU Chapter One

Dean Winchester x Photographer!Reader

Warnings: none, I guess? Infidelity (mentally mostly)

Disclaimers: I don’t own any SPN characters mentioned.

Word Count: 2,198 words

Read the Prologue Here!!

***

*

“You’re an asswipe, Winchester,” you growl, shoving the green-eyed man away from you. The asshole was completely ignoring the fact that he had to learn these damn equations for your Calculus test tomorrow. 

You should’ve never agreed to tutor him, he despised focusing.

And for some reason, even as you reassured yourself over and over this was the only reason you were now regretting agreeing to help him, you knew it was his damn irresistible presence and heart-stopping eyes that really made you question your sense of decision-making. I mean, his relentless flirting was also a part of the reason. 

“I am. But you know what’s really fucked up sweetheart?” He smirks, slowly leaning towards you and placing his hands on each side beside you, caging you in completely. 

You sigh shakily, trying to push the feeling of your racing heart at his sudden proximity away. “What?” You bite out, trying to remain visibly unphased.  

His smirk widens, making look even more, infuriatingly, hot. “You still like me.” And then he looks at you with those green eyes and you all but melt under his dark gaze. 

“N-no I don’t,” you protest weakly. 

He raises a smug brow, “Oh but you do sweetheart. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me during class.” 

You gulp at his accurate claim, trying to seem strong. “Yeah? And, according to your cocky ass, how do I look at you?”

He doesn’t hesitate, his eyes locked on your lips. “Like you haven’t eaten for days and I’m a full course meal.”

You’re stumped. God, how mortifying. He’d caught you checking him out?! 

And even then, when you’re left with absolutely no come back that could justify your longing stares at the eldest Winchester, you attempt to defend yourself.

“I- you-” he doesn’t let you finish your quite embarrassingly poor attempt at an excuse, taking your jaw in his hands lunging forward, pressing his lips to yours impatiently. 

*

“Excuse ma’am? We’re here.” 

Your eyes snap open and you sit up with a start, looking up at the smiling blonde flight attendant with a blazing blush spread all over your cheeks. 

Glancing around you, you realize while you’d been lost in the vivid memory, people had begun leaving the airplane. 

Clearing your throat, you nod politely at the flight attendant. “Thank you.” She nods then turns away to leave. 

You immediately begin mulling over your dreaming of that moment in your life, with that person. Then your mind begins reeling all on its own from there. 

Why the hell were you thinking about him? Why was his memory still so vivid in your head? You could still smell his scent, the ghost of his lips and the feeling of his hair clutched tenderly between your fingertips. 

Shit, you shudder. He was someone from the past, someone you had made every single effort to push away from your memory for the longest time and had the absolute reassurance you’d succeeded. So why was he back there now? And why had it been so easy for him to slither his way back into your thoughts once more?

You shrug it off as it all being the shock of coming back to Darkwell. Nothing more nothing less.

 Dean Winchester was a part of your past and that’s where he’d remain.

*

You had managed to stop the spreading of what’s-his-face thought-plague significantly well and were now solely focused on your dad and his needs. He was all that mattered.

Stepping into the family waiting area of the fairly small Darkwell airport, you clutch the suitcase in your hand tighter, eyes scanning everywhere for your mother. 

The place wasn’t really packed, so it wasn’t too hard to find her. She was standing up, her eyes darting everywhere in the room in search of you, assumably. 

You noticed she looked tired and worn-out. The youthful shine in her eyes had dulled significantly. She had managed to keep her clothes neat and her hair too, but her face was a mess. Concealer couldn’t hide her bags or the red rims surrounding her eyes. 

You jog over to her trying not to trip in your expensive heels, your suitcase trailing behind loudly. “Mom!”

Her head snaps in your direction and despite everything, her eyes brighten and she smiles broadly when her eyes land on you. Once you get close enough, you immediately tug her into a tight hug. 

It’d been almost four years since you’d flown her and your dad out to NYC and you had missed her. She squeezes you, hugging you to her chest like you were little all over again. 

“Missed you so much ma’,” You whisper, your eyes welling up with tears. She smelled just like you remembered. Lilacs and baby powder.

She stepped away from the hug a little, keeping you at arm’s length. Her eyes were tearful as well and she sniffled with a tiny smile. 

“Oh, I missed you too hun. So, so much.” And then you hug again, conveying the feelings shared.

You had missed your parents so much. Especially your mom. She was your greatest advisor, the voice of mindfulness in your life. 

Once you stepped away from eachother. She looked you up and down earnestly. “Oh, look at you all grown up. Wearing your fancy clothing! I must’ve done something right,” she smiles teasingly at you.

You laugh, shaking your head and wrapping your arm around her shoulder as you walked out of the airport into the warm Darkwell air. “Oh, mom, you did everything right.”

*

A few minutes later, you’re sitting in your dad’s old pick up, conversing quietly with each other. 

“So, how’s life going for you hun? Last we had a talk you sounded a bit off,” your mom questioned quietly, her eyes trained on the road. 

You tilt your head to the side, glancing out the window at the huge “Welcome To Darkwell” sign erected proudly at the edge of the tiny town. 

“What do you mean?” You inquire. 

She chuckles. “Well, I think it had something to do with that fiancee of yours? What’s his name? Dan was it?” 

You want to scoff at her. It was so obvious she didn’t like Dave and wasn’t particularly keen on the idea of him proposing to you without properly asking your dad and her for your hand. Your parents were traditional people. 

“It’s Dave, mom, his name is Dave. “ you sigh heavily at the thought of your absent fiance. “And everything’s just fine.”

She hums suspiciously. “You sure? Cause last I recall you were complaining to me about him-”

“Mom,” you snap then sigh tiredly, your voice softening. “Can we just...drop it? Everything’s fine with Dave. I’m happy.” You smile at her reassuringly and she sighs and shakes her head. 

“If you say so... I just-” she perks up. “I just think you and Dea-”

“Don’t,” you look at her in the eyes, daring her to say another word. To mention his name. “Don’t.” 

She looks at you with shock and worry. Like she wants to say something but is too scared to do so. As she should be.  His name was not one that should ever be uttered in your presence. Ever. He didn’t deserve it in the slightest. 

She nods slowly, the shocked look at your sudden aggressiveness still plastered on her face. You relax, leaning back onto the plush car seat and look out the window once more, eyeing the view with a heavy heart. 

After a few moments of uncomfortable silence and your zoning out, you see a familiar house come into view. 

Furrowing your brow, you turn to your mom. “What the hell mom?”

She sighs, parking the car in the driveway of your childhood home. Wordlessly, she turns to you. “Y/n...” she trails off and you wait impatiently for her to elaborate the reason as to why you were here and not at the hospital. 

“You’re tired,” she continues cautiously. “Jet lag and all that. Maybe you should rest first, refresh yourself and go see him tomorrow.”

You scoff out a laugh. “Like hell, I will! I’m going to go see my dad mom. That’s the only reason I even came here.” 

She heaves out another sigh as you gaze at her incredulously. “Y/n, your father is under heavy anesthetics. He’s all droopy and probably not even conscious.” You notice her eyes well up with tears as your own heart squeezes painfully in your chest at the thought. 

Your dad, so full of life, laying in a bed, weak and ill and unable to do anything for himself. 

She cups your hands between hers and squeezes, looking into your eyes. “He’ll be here tomorrow hun.” 

You suck in a breath, eyeing her with tearful eyes that probably matched hers. Brokenly you mutter, “how do you know that for sure?”

*

You run your hands along your wooden headboard. Nothing much had changed about your room. The house had gotten a new porch and the garage had been relieved of your old toys, but everything else was pretty much the same. You eye your old teddy bear, sinking onto your queen-sized bed with a distant smile. 

You remembered sitting on this bed, and thinking to yourself; “Y/n, this is your future we’re talking about here. Your life-long dream. Are you really going to let that go?”

And then you decided you’d go off to SAIC to follow your dreams. 

Well, after a few other things prompted the action further. 

You feel your heart crack at the edges at the memories and immediately push the thoughts away. No more thinking about him and the immense heartbreak he’s caused you. 

Silently, you sigh, sinking in your back onto the soft bed. Images quickly flash through your head uninvited. 

His lips brush against your neck, his hair held tightly inbetween your fingertips. Slowly, he brings his head up, and your breath hitches at the look in his beautiful green eyes. 

Absolute adoration and lust. His rough hand caressed your cheek and you lean into his touch, biting your lip. 

He grins softly. “You’re so damn beautiful Y/n.”

God, the way he says your name...a small fire ignites at the pit of your stomach and you press your forehead tenderly to his, ghosting your lips over his. “Go slow please?”

He leans in, kissing your lips slowly, and you savor his intoxicating taste, the feeling of his warm mouth on yours. His soft skin brushing on yours in the tenderest of ways. 

He looks back into your eyes, sincerity filling every inch of the breath-taking green orbs. “I would never hurt you, sweetheart.” 

You immediately sit up, clutching the teddy bear tightly to your heart. Your heart thumped loudly in your ears and you swallowed harshly. The same fire was suddenly taking your every fiber captive and you found yourself trembling as every touch, every soft caress and trace of lips and tongues all rushed back to you in one second. 

Dean Winchester, as much as you hated saying his name, had taken your virginity on this very bed and as much as you would rather not think about it, something about your back lightly pressed onto the soft mattress reminded you of him...and then all at once you find yourself reminiscing the feeling of his familiar weight on top of your flushed body. 

Subconsciously, you trace your neck with a feather-like stroke, remembering his lips traveling from your jaw to your neck and trailing hot kisses that had you withering under him like a leaf. And then you remember how they traveled further down...

Abruptly, you shake your head, stopping the thoughts from progressing further. Your cheeks were flushed and so was the rest of your best. You hadn’t realized that your breath was stolen as you began panting slightly. 

Swallowing thickly, you quickly take your hand away from your heated skin, pushing the thoughts as far back into your brain as possible.

Your eyes widen as you push yourself off the bed, taking a deep breath in hopes it’d calm your wildly-beating heart down. 

What the hell was that? 

The bed, you reassure yourself. It was the bed making you remember.

Dave made you happy. He satisfied you in ways that dickhead never could, you remind yourself. 

And suddenly your desire turns into anger as you walk out of the room, shaken. Why was he invading your thoughts all of a sudden? It was Darkwell, that’s it. It had to be...he-he- you didn’t feel like that about him anymore. 

Plus, he was probably married and with kids now. He wasn’t thinking about this now like you, you’re sure. You feel so pathetic. 

But deep down, you know the mere thought slices into your heart slightly. 

Shaking your head for what felt like the hundredth time that day, you resolve to rid yourself of the thoughts. He was your first love. It was expected now that you were back to the place where it’d all happened...and you’d get over the bizarre thoughts eventually. 

You would. Because you had to. Because you were marrying a lovely man. 

Because your first love never works out.

***

First chapter, woohoo!

I’m so excited for the Y/n-Dean-first-love-dynamic to begin!

Hehehe the slow burnnnnn...

Anywho, tell me if you wanna be tagged in anything. 

Messages, replies, asks, I see them all!

A Special Thanks To:

@thewinchesterchronicles

@topthis808

@vvinch3st3r

@thorins-queen-of-erebor - my past lives peeps

@wildefire - my only spn peep

@multifandomdisappointment -currently only “Dean sweetheart” 

[evans-addicted]

Stay with me (Bucky x Reader)

A/N: This is my first attempt at posting something publicly. It was inspired by a dream I had (hee hee hee). It is in 2 parts. I write what I think so I am not sure if it feels like it rattles on, but the idea was to write it so you know exactly what’s going on in her mind, even when it’s sarcastic remarks to herself.

Synopsis: After being hurt by local thugs trying to help a student of yours, Steve finds you and brings you to T’Challa’s Facility to get you help. Friendship occurs with Steve and Bucky during your recovery til it comes time to go home, then shit gets real.

Word count: total 6756. Part 1=3305words   Part 2=3451

Warnings: Part 1 is swearing and violence, Part 2 is swearing, alcohol, some talk of injuries, and SMUT

(Pics and Gif’s are not mine, I Googled them)

****

You sighed as you saw the two large black men turn the corner. You knew this wasn’t going to pretty, again. Why do you keep doing this? Why can’t you just be like everyone else and let the police deal with situations like this? Because you care damn it. You knew this14 yr old boy, Yuna, from the school you taught at and you knew he was a good kid. You also knew he lived in a little hovel with his mom and 3 sisters all under the age of 12. You knew why he was helping sell drugs for these Wakandan drug dealers, but you didn’t like it one bit. You were in the alley talking to Yuna, trying to plead with him to give it up and you’d figure out a way to help him somehow. The 2 guys walked speedily to you cursing as you held your hands up to show you meant nothing, just talking. The thinner asshat yelled out “we told you last time you bitch, leave our people alone!” Last week you had tried to get some prostitutes to stop working for this gang and let you get them help, so you took a few hits to the face.

“Hey man I’m just talking to one of my students that’s all” you pleaded. You remembered what being slapped around by these guys felt like and you were fine with not having that happen again. “I think you need a better lesson” the big guy backhanded you in the face, making you spin and fall to the ground. You felt a surge of adrenaline through your body and you used it to stand up.

That was stupid. So very stupid. But you were determined to show Yuna what these people were like, even if it meant taking a few smacks again. A few smacks would have been so much better than what you've gone through. It all happened so fast, you remember being punched in the head, stomach, and even one to the back. You writhed in pain on the ground as they took a few kicks to your stomach, cursing at you the whole time. Some in Wakandan and some in English, you believe for your benefit. All of a sudden the kicking and yelling stops as you hear another male voice yelling from behind you. A tall white man runs towards them and the two Wakandans and Yuna run back around the corner and you hear a car speed off. The white man, you now know was American from hearing him yell at the asshats, turned around and jogged back to you. You push yourself up onto your knees and hold your arms tight to your stomach to try to somehow hold in the pain. He knelt down in front of you telling you not to try to get up. “I had it under control, I can take a few punches ok” you slurred as if you were drunk, but it must’ve been from the fat lip you could feel. You look down as you feel a searing pain in your midsection, you pull your hands away from you to see you were covered in blood. The man stated in awe that you could even still move, “You weren’t punched, you were stabbed”! You looked up at his face, wide eyed in disbelief and just before you passed out you can remember saying “Holy shit, you’re Captain America”, fade to black.

Head pounding, your whole body aching, and your eyes straining, you blink uncontrollably, adjusting to the lights, you could see enough to know there were two figures standing over you. A few moments pass as they come clearer into view. You hear one say, “Well I see you couldn’t resist picking up another stray Steve”. “I’m not a stray asshole!” you blurt out roughly as your throat is dry and sore. “Language!” Steve sighs as he puts his hand on yours. “Sorry, force of habit. How are you feeling?” He then asks.

“Oh my god I’m dead! I died! I fucking died! I knew it!” you rambled on a few times as you saw Steve Rogers, Fucking Captain America and Bucky fucking Barnes standing at the sides of you. You had to be dead, because how in the hell does that happen right. “I died and this is heaven if you are here, although I totally saw myself going a different direction if ya know what I mean, haha” you were rambling again. “You’re not dead, though you ought to be after what you’ve been through” Steve tries to reassure you. “You’re in a hospital, well sort of. You’re in a medical facility. You were beaten up pretty badly and stabbed. You need to just relax and recover. You’ve got a lot of healing to do.” he stated. You just figured this was the doctor talking and you had a concussion so you were imagining it as Steve and Bucky here. I’ll go with the flow, you thought as you started to feel woozy and you drifted off back to sleep.

___

The next time you woke up you were not as groggy but just as sore. You opened your eyes to what looked like a large hospital room. A very nice hospital room, actually. One you could definitely not afford. Just then a nurse, a young, black woman you assume to be in her late 20’s, comes in with a new IV bag. She was startled a bit to see you were awake. “Oh, good morning sleepyhead” she softly exclaimed in a deep Wakandan accent. “Let me get the doctor, I’ll be right back” and she was out the door before you could ask anything else.

You took in the room some more while waiting for the doctor. You tried to sit up a little in the bed and when you felt a stabbing pain in your stomach, you stopped. Just then the doctor and nurse came into the room. “Whoa I would not try to do that ma’am, you’ll rip a stitch!” he stated as he held up his hand as if to physically stop you if you kept trying. “Here, you can move up the bed using this, but only a little ok” as he hands you the remote for the hospital bed. Out of the corner of your eye, you see more figures come into the room. Again, it was Steve freaking Rogers and Bucky freaking Barnes. You looked around for cameras because you truly had to be getting Punk’d or something.

You laid there silent, staring of course at them in disbelief. “I’m Dr. Mburno and this is your nurse Jessa. How are you feeling” the doctor asks you? “Um, I’m tripping balls man! This just doesn’t happen. Normal people just don’t meet fucking superheroes let alone have them in their hospital rooms!” Small laughs came from the nurse, doctor, and Steve. Bucky just stood there with no emotion showing. “Uh first off, not superheroes ma’am.” “Oh my god please stop calling me ma’am, my name is Y/N”.  “Ok Y/N, you were badly injured. You were lucky he found you when he did actually” the doctor stepped closer as he motioned towards Steve. “How long have I been out?” you queried. “3 days ma’am,” the doctor says while looking at your chart. “3 DAYS! OH MY GOD, MY KIDS. I need to go!” you exclaimed and tried to sit up again. “KIDS!” Steve and Bucky let out with startled looks as they looked ready to spring out the door, “You have kids? How many? How old? They weren’t at your apartment!” In shock at that, wide-eyed you ask “how you know what’s in my apartment?” “Your information and keys were in your purse. We needed to see if there was anyone to tell that you were here” Jessa told you.

“Oh um, my kids are my students, I meant my students. I’m a teacher. But my cat, yah she’s going to need more food and water.” Relief was the body language you now read in the room. “Sorry, I’m just really close to my kids, um my students.” You explained. The nurse handed you a clipboard with blank paper and a pen “put down where you work and we’ll make sure the children know you are ok. Is there anyone else we need to inform, perhaps family or friends?” You take the clipboard and thank her “um but no there isn’t anyone else to contact” lowering your head you start writing the information down.

“I’m going to do a check up on you now to see how you are healing if that is ok?” he asks you politely. “Yah of course, sure”. He then looked over to Steve and said he was going to need them to step out and he could let them come back and talk to me afterward if that was alright. Steve nodded a yes and turned to head out. He nodded at Bucky towards the door as if saying ok let’s go. Just before he turned away, Bucky shot a quick half smile your way. You were not sure what that meant. So the doc went through the normal checking my stitches and wherever else hurt. He told you about all your injuries and that you were probably going be here for a few weeks til you were able to leave. After all that you were given some more morphine for the pain and dozed off.

___

Steve and Bucky. Bucky stood towards the back corner of the room and Steve walked right up to your bedside. “What on earth were you doing, trying to get yourself killed?’ he started on you like a disappointed parent. “Hey someone has to help the little people. That’s all I’m trying to do, help” you defended. The right side of his mouth lifted into a half smile, melting you like putty, and he said: “Well who’s going to help you?” “Well this week it was you, next week it might be Santa Claus, I dunno” you shrugged sarcastically. A smartass response was your go to when you were nervous. Steve, Bucky, and their utter hotness made you nervous. Like you said before, this just doesn’t happen to normal people. Bucky smirked and let out a huff like laugh. Yay, he’s not a robot, you thought to yourself, then you remembered you had called him an asshole when you first woke up. You looked over at Bucky “Oh, hey I’m sorry I called you an aaaarrssehole” (you started to say asshole, but glanced at Steve to see him cringing at the beginning of your foul language, so you corrected yourself). He smiled and replied with “I should apologize for the stray remark, it was rude. Sorry”. You smiled back in acceptance.

“So this is awkward, but I cannot afford to stay here. I don’t make very much and this is way” you started saying towards Steve but he interrupted you by putting his hand up and smiling that damn half smile again. “Don’t even worry about that. It’s not every day we get a superhero in here so let us just get you better ok” he shot a wink at Bucky, quoting me from earlier. They both let out a small laugh. Bucky started walking towards the door, Steve told you “we’ll come back and visit, but you have to listen to what Dr. Mburno tells you to do or there’ll be consequences ma’aaaaY/N” he had started to call you ma’am again then trailed off into your name like you had done. It was cute. You were blushing.  Blushing and feeling on top of the world right now, even though you hurt like a mother fucker. Aaaaaand your new morphine drip has kicked in. Sleepytime.

You aren’t sure how long you had been asleep this time you woke up. If you can even call it waking up. You weren’t able to move or even open your eyes. You were just conscious. You could hear a light hum of electricity in the room from the medical equipment in the room. There was something else you could barely make out what it was. It sounded like someone breathing. All of a sudden the door handle clicked and you hear that light swoosh sound the door made when it opened. A few footsteps and then you heard a voice you distinctly recall being Steve’s say “I thought I’d find you in here”. “Hey” a low gruff voice mumbled. This startled you, even though you couldn’t move or speak. “What’s going on Buck?” Steve questioned. “I dunno, I just..it’s sad” Bucky seemed to struggle to get the right words. “What’s sad?” “You remember my apartment when you found me in Bucharest?” “Ya,” Steve answered skeptically. “You didn’t see her place, but it was just like that Steve”, Bucky blurted out. “Ok, what does that have to do with anything” Steve questioned not sure where this was going. Bucky looked at him with those same sad eyes he gave when he remembered the past and said: “It was so empty with nothing personal like photos, postcards, or mail.” “Buck you were on the run, you had to.” He was interrupted by Bucky, “I’m talking about her place, Steve. That’s what her place looked like. I had an excuse like you said, but she should have friends and family and things you know. I don’t know, I just feel sad for her.” “C’mon bud, let’s get out of here and talk somewhere else” You heard Steve’s footsteps walk farther into the room, then stop and 2 sets of footsteps walk out. You still couldn’t move or speak, but you could feel the tears roll from your eyes.

___

The next time you woke up you felt much more rested and not in as much pain. It could have been the drugs, who knows. You were able to sit up a little so progress right. You pushed the nurse call button and a few moments later nurse Jessa came in asking how you were feeling. “Pretty good, actually. How long was I out this time?” “I will have the doctor come in to talk to you about that.” “Whoa wait a minute, please tell me. I won’t freak out this time I promise” you pleaded to her. “Well you’ve been in and out for a week now,” she said with a worried look on her face. “Wow. I don’t remember waking up or anything.” “Yes, we kept you in a semi medically induced coma to help push meds and some steroids to speed your healing” she explained. “Steroids, like the buff muscle stuff! Cool” you laughed. She giggled “no quite like that. It’s a metabolic steroid replacement we have created here.” “Oh, shucks. Well, that’s all good, I think it's helping because I’m feeling better. I don’t feel as much pain.”

“That’s great!” you hear Steve coming in the door as he clasped his hands together as in applause. “Hey Captain Mr. Rogers America” You shrugged to imply you weren’t sure what to call him. “Just Steve, please.” His half smile was so intoxicating that you weren’t sure if you could handle a full smile. Just then you noticed Bucky walk in and stand behind Steve off to the side a little. Your face noticeably sunk causing Steve to ask if you were ok. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just eager to get out of this bed I think” as you looked at Jessa. “Let me get the doctor in here and he can see if you’re ready to go to your recovery room for the duration of your stay.” Then she left. You kept your gaze down at your sheets. Steve broke the silence with “Yah, we’ve got a great room set up for you. Nice view. So til you are 100% you can just think of it as your home away from home. We’ll give you a tour once the doc gives the all clear, right Buck?” he motioned towards Bucky behind him. “Sounds good” sounded forced like when you have to say you like a present you obviously don’t.

___

Several hours later that evening after all the medical protocols and being poked a few times and being x-rayed or cat scanned and having given some blood, Dr. Mburno said you were ready to start recovery out of the hospital bed. “Yessss” as you fist pumped. Jessa helped you get all unplugged and put a robe on you. She helped you sit in the wheelchair even though you wanted to walk, they said it was too far to your room. Bucky was out in the hallway when Jessa rolled you out of the room. Seeing the surprise on your face “Steve had to do something” he pointed a thumb behind him. He took a hold of the wheelchair handles and nodded to Jessa that he had it from here. And you were off. Walking down hallways and through what seemed like large common areas you stayed silent as did Bucky. Every once in a while you would hear a sigh as if he was going to say something then stopped. Finally, he stopped you in front of a door and reached over your shoulder to the handle. His chest moved your shoulder forward a little and all you could think was damn that muscle and how damn good he smelled. With the door now open, he moved beside you and held out his prosthetic hand for you. You grabbed his hand and he helped you stand. Lacing his other hand behind your back he escorted you into your room.

You looked around as you hobbled in on legs you haven’t used in almost 2 weeks. It was a beautiful room, with a large picture window viewing the jungle below. Plain white walls bare of any paintings or artwork except for the pop of color from the dark blue door trim. Gorgeous marble time floors beneath your feet with only a white fuzzy rug under the bed extending out about 3 feet on the sides and foot. The bed looked plain and simple except for the bedding that looked like clouds. You pictured yourself running and jumping on it. Bucky saw the smile cross your face and asked: “You like?” “This is fucking heaven” was all you could think of to describe it. He laughed slightly. There was a desk in the corner with a laptop and folders on it. “What’s all that?” you nodded in its direction. “Don’t worry about that now. Just get steeled and we’ll tell you about that later” he said waving a hand towards it. “Your clothes were brought here for you and are in that closet” Pointing to the left of the room. “Ok well, I’m going to take a shower first thing.” You pointed towards the bathroom on the right side.

He started walking you over when you held up your hand and said: “ I can shower on my own thanks.” “Oh I know, I was just helping. I'm sorry. Um do you need anything else?” he stammered. “Oh my god this bathroom is amazeballs!” you shouted. He laughed and shot a finger at you, “I’ll take that as a no. Call if you need anything” he pointed at the phone on your bedside table then left, shutting the door behind him. After the unbelievable shower, you went to the closet and pulled out underwear, a tank top, and pajama pants to wear to bed. You couldn’t believe how tired you were already just from taking a shower, but you guess that’s what happens after being asleep for 2 weeks. Walking to the bed you thought once again about jumping onto the fluffy cloudlike bed, but looking down at your stitched up stomach, you decided against it. Lying down in the fresh linens and covering up with the thick comforter you immediately drifted off from exhaustion.

To be continued....

Tumblr wouldn’t let me add Gif’s or pictures....CURSES!!!

I hope you like it so far. I am finishing editing on part 2 now and will have it up tonight or tomorrow. Please let me know any feedback. Thanks.

[letuscomposefanfics]

I'm Not Convinced Part 3

(Phillip Hamilton X Reader) Words: 5200+ Summary: High School was a pain in the ass. You and single mother don’t have much money. She works double shift and double jobs. One of her jobs is working for the Hamilton family as a part time house keeper. Ironically, the biggest douche happens to be part of that family. (I can’t write a summary) AU: Modern AU Warnings: Just horrible grammar.. Cursing?? Tell me if there is any I did not put. Cringey. I’m tired so there is a lot of errors.

The night had soft wind, and the city lights were a sight for sore eyes. Parking lights shining like a army of fireflies flutter by as the angry red (much like your dress) tail lights head another direction. The scent of smoke takes you back at your stay that was old, but still bracket your memories: Gambling Capital of the World or formerly known as Las Vegas. The other city with bright lights and excitement! As a little gal you would wander the streets with your pops, and get a virgin pina colada in the lobby of Excalibur. That the three towered and red and blue castle-style hotel was the hotel your family would occasionally go to. On late nights, the three of you would ride on the moving walkways that were provided in the tunnel to the Luxor- a Egyptian themed hotel. The pyramid always greeted you when you rode up the highway to the city. The building was tiled with tinted windows and the top was a light on the tip of the pyramid, which would generate a beam of light. Majestic sand stone sculptures of gods, goddesses, and maybe a pharaoh, if you could remember, were planted on the sides of the structure.

You anxiously sigh out a steamy breath. Wealthy men and women walked elegantly in their clothing, which would cost your soul, entered in a brick red mansion blaring with classical music. Vines were already hooked onto the mansion, giving it a charming look. Lanky, black metal fences bordered the house securely, which left a big elegant gate cracked wide open for the guests. Lights stood tall besides the brick pathway with guest sauntering through them. Two guards were pinpointed next to the entrance of the large resident with a dull and rather expressionless fact. The said wealthy men and women revealed their invitation to the guards, and nodded a silent thank you as they strolled in with posture. The dress you were equipped with wasn’t exactly from the top french designer. You tried to stabilize yourself in your damn heels as you stood there waiting for your mom getting out the car. The invitation wrinkled in your sweat drenched hands as you blankly stared at the paper containing your name. You could feel eyes on you as they pass by and saunter over to the resident. You constantly picked at your hair while you chew the inside of your cheek. The feeling that nailed your stomach was always familiar and always failed to cease. It was that little devil on your shoulder that would squeak, “You are gonna screw up and you’ll be the example a parent will use when a kid fucks up.”

“(Y/N) (L/N).” A man robotically states your name on a microphone. You were twelve, the age where kids bloom in judgmental bitches and act like the the big kids in the park. It was the end of hell and the eve of something spectacular. Spectacular as in summer’s natural tanning light and a excuse to stay in with tub full of ice cream.The dream of homework-free, late nights, and multiple sleep overs made you stir with excitement. Traditionally, the school hosts something for the students to show their talents and find themselves a possible career. You were number five on the list of your peers. You, a immature twelve year old toddler, slapped on too much makeup, which your friend suggest you and them their selves should doll you up. You were pretty sure you had pre-mature wrinkles because of the weight of your foundation. Once your number was called up you clicked in your one one inch heels that had dwarfed sized bows near the edge of the entrance of your shoes. Click, Click, Click. You wore a emerald green velvet dress accompanied with small little crystals planted on the top part of your attire. You shifted in the heels uncomfortably with the spotlight glaring down. The fear began to accelerate in a monstrous rate, and your short breaths took in the dust from the curtain. You sang with nervous little waver that come once in awhile. At the (sweet) ending of your song, your rubbed your eyes. Giggles popped up from the crowd like unwanted mushrooms in a soft green field. Your heart quickened and embarrassed tears sat on the edge of your eyelids. The childish laughter were carved into your memories. They exchange comparisons of what you look like with your smudged make up. You hoped to god some student pitied your appearance, and the laughter that made you wobble in embarrassment and regret stopped.The teachers on the edge of each row silenced them with a sharp ‘hush’. The principle guided you off stage with a arm around your shrunken shoulders. The button on his dress shirt’s sleeve scraped against the blade of your shoulder lightly. “You did wonderfully, Ms. (L/N).” He reassured with a clap on a the shoulder. You murmured a ‘thank you’ in return. “Now, go get yourself cleaned up.” You clicked away in your heels. Catching a small glimpse of yourself in decade old mirrors, you whimpered. “Cake face . Cake face.” The heels began to exclaim angrily against the tiles as you passed the mirrors. You swiftly closed the door of the (handicap) stall. Popping off your heels as you sit on the bathroom. Like in a soap opera, you wept and sank into the sand of embarrassment and the feeling of becoming the clown of your school. What would they think of you in the future? They don’t remember much you will soon realize through out the years. You were just so insecure to be blind about the fact it was a smidge on the window not a coat of paint. But, you are still blindfolded by insecurities and anxiety. The memory still jumps on you, which sculps you for who you are right at the moment. You don’t cry at the memory, but you fear that someone will laugh at it in the future. No elixir can stop your stammering and the uncomfortable tickles in your stomach.

Your mom finally exited the vehicle with uniform on. The two of you crossed the street with her arm linked around yours. The clicks of your heels mocked you just like middle school. “Cake face. Cake face.” It now whispers. You sharply exhaled through your nose as you threw a glance behind the old vehicle. The flavoring of the smoke traveled through your mouth as you did. “No escapin’ now, huh?” You muttered under your breath. Your mom bounced on the ball of her feet with a bright smile. You offered a thin line as your mouth and a simple walk with stressed shoulders as you step. By the time you were near the enterance, your mom broke off her link with you and stated she was going to the entrance for the staff. “Be good to the Hamilton, okay?” The older women pecked a wet kiss on your cheek. “I’ll see you inside!” Your mom scampered off to the side of the building. The colony of waiters and waitress all rushed through the door. Your mom being the last one to get in. “And then now is the time to escape from socializing and seeing real people other than my mom.” You narrated. You began to twist your away from the residents. “(Y/N!)” A voice exclaimed cheerfully before you could turn you heard the familiar sound of heels, but they didn’t whisper a thing. Ms. Hamilton smiles brightly as you face her with a polite and awkward smile. The border of her black strands glowed a coffee stain brown as she stood in the light. Her dress held the pigment of the baby blue sky and her neck held up a golden pendant. She looked elegant. “Ms. Hamilton, it’s good to see you.” You greeted. You fidgeted with your hands with the craving for escape. Eliza or Elizabeth Hamilton giggled, her childish giggles were unforgettable and lovable. You reciprocated with a small awkward laughter of your own- not as adorable as her’s, though, you thought. Mrs. Hamilton startled you when she grasped your hand with a smile Alexander Hamilton fell for. You didn’t withdraw your hand from hers. “Please, darling. Call me Eliza, okay?” She corrected politely. “Okay!” You blurted out. Eliza laughed once again. Making you swoon in response. “I’m your friend! No need for formalities with friends, am I correct?” She questioned, knowing she was indeed correct. You nodded rapidly with a shy smile. “Now, what are you doing leaving so early? I haven’t even seen you walked through those doors. Were you planning to never come?” She joked. “Well. Um…I.. Panicked? I guess-guess.. Y-you could say?” You stammered trying to find a polite way to tell the truth. Eliza shook her head and gave out her charming laughter accompanied with her lovely smile. “Calm down, love. I was only joking. “ Eliza Hamilton reassured you with a pat on the back of your hand. “I love your dress, sweetheart! You look very beautiful in it! Did your mom do your hair?” Shades of pink was fanned across the bridge of your nose as she complimented you. “T-Thank you and yeah, yeah she did.” You shyly answered. “I-I love your dress too! Blue is one my favorite colors. Y-your necklace look vintage.” You awkwardly complimented. “I think that’s pretty cool.” You added. “Thank you, my mother gave it to me as a wedding present. This little thing has been in the family for years.” Mrs.Hamilton chirped. “Evening, Mrs. Hamilton.” A man greets stoically as he makes a beeline over to the entrance. The man was old, but not frail, he wore a tailcoat and wooden cane that was on his right side. He ignores your presence and kept his head high. Douche. Rich douche. “Evening, sir.” She nods in response before he passes the two of you. It was silent for a moment when enters through the door. “Serious.” You say with a small laughter. She giggles and nods in agreement.”That’s how people are sometimes.” She shrugs carelessly.“Come on the party is inside! Your mother would be worried if you were boxed missing!” Eliza grins excitedly as she drags you over through the door frame. ” O-oh, wait! No, i-it’s okay!” You attempt to plead, but your words were shrinked down by her excitement. Your heart beat accelerated, the feeling of few pairs of eyeballs on you made you shiver. The wooden flooring of the house was a strong coffee bean pigment and the sky-high ceiling was pinching onto the end of a glass chandelier. Two set of stairs were planted on the opposite side; curving inward, connecting to the top floor. People were in small petals of groups chattering away with appetizers and/or drinks in hand. They laughed comfortably at a joke you couldn’t hear. You hoped that joke wasn’t you. “Lot’s of people you got here.” You thought out loud, avoiding the crowds eyes by staring at the back of Eliza’s black hair. “Unfortunately, that’s just the small portion of the party.” Eliza Hamilton smiled as she dragged you.“Most of them are in the ballroom and the other portion are chatting away in the yard. Even though it’s hard to handle, it’s fun to have guest.” Eliza added on. Her response made you even more panicked. The orchestra was loud and clear as you both made your way through the maze of guest. The violins out played the other instruments that were muddle behind them. They played a soft and familiar tune, but the name was never confidently made up in your head- you did know it was possibly by Beethoven or Mozart. You muttered out a few “sorry”s and “excuse me”s every time your shoulder kiss with another guest. “Cake face. Cake face. Cake face.” It whispered in the same volume, same tone. Never changing the pattern, it follows every step you take. Crushing your toes like a toddler trying to learn how to dance with their father. Eliza dragged you to the elegant ballroom. Three sets of chandeliers aligned with each other on the ceiling. At least half of the room was dancing, the other half chat about something you will never know. You spotted a group of men laughing and gawking about a topic you chose not to eavesdrop in. “Alexander!” Mrs. Hamilton hollered. The man in a emerald vest spun around instantly when he had heard his name. He grinned politely, but forced- almost like he was ready for another conversation being dosed down his throat. The crinkles in the corner of his eyes relaxed and his smile was soft with adoration. Alexander’s eyes carried bags and the memory of sleepless nights. His glasses rode on the bridge of his nose, almost slipping. The older man’s black hair hovered slight over his shoulder. The ends of his hair was slightly fluffed out. “Eliza!” He responded cheerfully. Alexander spun back around,”Excuse me while I speak with my wife.” He mutters out. The men around him nodded and scuttle else where. Alexander spun around with a easy going smile. “My love, please meet Mrs. Manning’s daughter. (Y/N) please meet my true love, Alexander.” Mrs. Hamilton introduced. Confused, you were expecting Mrs. Hamilton to use your mother’s correct surname. Your stomach clenched even more anxiously, the man of house was in front of you. The boss of your mother. You smile politely towards Mr. Hamilton gave you the same polite smile. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Hamilton.” You greet with your hand stuck out in front of you. Alexander chuckled as he shook your hand with a tight grip. His wife walked over by his side and looped her arm around his, snuggling up to his shoulder. Eliza’s chin sat on his shoulder as he began to continue. “It’s good to finally meet you, but please call me Alexander. There is no need for formalities.” Alexander Hamilton chided with a familiar correction that his wife has told you.“Your mother has talks about you a lot.” He added. “I hope only good things.” You joked awkwardly. The waiters offered the three of you a small portioned edible. You declined with a smile and a wave of a hand. The Hamiltons took their own snack and thanked them as they wandered off. “I assure you she’s proud to be your mother,” Eliza butted in the conversation.”She said that you used to play piano and that you are a very hard working student.” She began to list off. “Especially in english.” Eliza added with her kind smile never faltering. “I used to play piano, but I procrastinated and never practiced.” Idiotic idea for me to do,” you added. “I would still like to learn, but it’s hard to find a good deal.” You shared. It was silent between the three of you for a second. You nervously spun the bracelet around your wrist. “I have one question.” You started off. “If it’s okay for me to ask.” The couple nodded, wanting you to hope onto the next dialogue.” Why did you use my mom’s maiden instead of her name my dad gave us?” You asked. “Isn’t your mother’s last name Manning?” Eliza questioned. You nodded your head, perplexed by this situation.” It is, but it isn’t, like, the one my dad gave me and ma.” Eliza hummed,“Interesting, she filled out Manning.” The lady of the house muttered. You furrowed your brows, attempting to find an explanation. “She probably thought it was best to go by her maiden name for odd some reason. Like God, my mom works in mysterious ways.” You rambled, shrugging. “Now (Y/N), I heard my boy is in a few of your classes. How is he treating you?” Mr. Hamilton jested with a small chuckle. You chuckled along with the man. “He talks to me from times to time.” You state truthfully. “Sometimes we would have full on conversation.” Arguments. They were full on bashing arguments. “They mostly happen during first period.” Unadulterated moaning and groaning at each other is what happens in first period. “That’s great that you two are talking and getting along.” Eliza Hamilton chirped. “Yeah me too.” You humor her. “Philip!” Alexander exclaimed as he looked passed your shoulder. Your heart stopped. You were going to have to be dumped in a conversation with him forcefully. You couldn’t escape. “Pa, ma.” Philip greeted as walked up next to you. He glances to the side, but doesn’t catch you until he retraces his eyes at you. “(Y/N).” The younger Hamilton states your name curtly, he nods. “Philip,” You craned your body towards the boy.”It’s good to see you out of the classroom.” A smile tries to cling onto your lips. You heard laughter off in the distance. “I could say the same for yourself, (Y/N).” He responds with a forced grinned. Your smile faltered into a smaller grin. Phillip was handsomly addressed with the same design his father has soft, but with a blue pigment instead. He had a pair of tan slackers with sneakers. Lucky, mother fucker. You growled internally. “Now this might seem like a weird question. Do you think you can handle it?”Mr. Hamilton asked. “I’m pretty sure I can handle a simple question.” You answered simply. “Alright,” He kicked started. “(Y/N) are you seeing anyone at the moment?” Alexander inquired. Air was stuck in your throats for a second. Your heart quickened, which caused your ears were entrapped with heat. You downed the saliva clinging on to your throat. “Um, E-Excuse me?” You questioned with a stutter. “Alexander!” Eliza scored her husband. She flicked the back of her hand against his chest. “Why in the hell would you ask that? You’re making her uncomfortable.” She whispered loudly. Phillip sniggered with mouth clasped over his mouth from bursting. Alexander rolled his wood brown eyes and shrugged his shoulders. “Phillip need to get out there with a more girls like (Y/N). She seems to have everything together! The other girls we have met barely make it one month with our boy.” Alexander said truthfully without a stutter of hesitation. “And they don’t seem to care about anything academic and respect wise.” He added. “Pa!” The Hamilton boy groaned, averting his eyes away from you and into his father’s eyes. His cheeks flushed. “Honey, stop embarrassing your son.” Mrs. Hamilton scolded again, she sighed. “I’m so sorry, honey.” Elizabeth apologized with a shy smile. Her smiling only enhancing as she spots something over your shoulder,“Alexander, I see Angelica with her husband! We have to go greet them.”Eliza said as she tried to tug her husband away from the two of you. “I’ll see you kids later.” Alexander Hamilton said as he follows his endearing wife. The heat on your face still sat on your face. “Sweet Jesus.” Philip muttered with a sigh and a shake of his head. You snickered,“Your parents are adorable, too bad it’s not generic.” You fired first as you stared at the two couple scamper away with their arms linked together. Their linked arms seems to stand out symbolically in their relation. They never seem to let go each other- like the links of the chain hitting at each other while they were being tugged on, but never shattering. A soft smile tugged at your lips. I kind want that, you thought to yourself. “Stop it, I’m not in the mood to play along for your entertainment.” The boy murmured, “Entertainment” seemed to stick out. He turned and left with heavy footsteps. You arched your eyebrows. You scuttled after the teenage boy. “Woah, what got your panties up in a twist?” You fired again with a smirk. “Stop it, (Y/N).” He warned as Phillip twisted body towards you. You took a step back, wobbling slightly, and raising up your hand defensively. “Alright, alright. I’ll leave you alone, princess.” The hell is wrong with this boy? You questioned inside your head. Philip Hamilton seemed pretty pissy for what his dad gawked about. The younger Hamilton shook his head lightly, and glared at something above your head. He mouthed out words that weren’t readable. Phillip’s eyes were squinting and glaring at the corner of the crowd room. The only thing you could calculate was his irritable silent argument with the other person across the room. You glared at him with a bewildered shine, “The hell are you doing?” You interrogated as you were about twist around. “Dance with me.” He punctured you with shock with his order, which you assumed was originally a question. Your eyes widened and your heart tried to claw out of your chest. “Woah, what? Don’t we have to wait until marriage to do that?” You joked nervously. The orchestra began to fall softer as you were going to cursor yourself around to leave him and his grip. “Just dance with me.” He growled while his hands clipped onto your forearm. Warmth flooded into your core. That turned you on, didn’t it? Blushing at your own reaction, you shifted in your heels. You are so fucking messed up. “Why the fuck do I have to dance with you?” You glared with irritation. Wiggling off Philip’s strong hands from your forearm, you rolled your eyes. Philip scoffed, he entrapped his temples with the edge of your thumb, index, and middle. “My dad is making me dance with you as stupid as it sounds.” “Okay so? I could and careless about your situation with your pops. Not my problem, it’s yours.” “How about..how about I break the deal if you don’t.” He proposed. Deal? What deal- Right, the deal where he will keep off of your personal bubble. “You still are gonna break that deal despite it, Phil.” You said simply. “Just please dance with me, okay?” Philip Hamilton begged. His sap brown orbs shined underneath the rays of the chandelier. The glimmer in his eyes were absolutely stunning. You cringe inwardly; you are already stepping in his damn trap. “Can you stop looking at me like that?” You hissed. Confusion twisted his face,” Excuse me, what? I’m not looking at you in anyway.” The Hamilton boy defended himself. “Never mind.” You huffed. “Honey!” You shoulders scrunched together,“Jesus Christ, mom!” You squeaked. Spinning around to meet your mom with a plate of appetizers in one hand. You glared after her,“I’m not sorry,” Your mom laughed. “Ah, Phillip it’s good to see you! You look great in your suit. Charming!” She complimented and greeted. “Thank you, Mrs. Manning.” Phillip shyly thanked. “Now, what are you guys talking about? Is my daughter treating you decently?” ‘Mrs. Manning’ questioned with a teasing nip at the last question. “She’s treating me like she treats everyone else!” Phillip Hamilton with a subtle harsh town at the edge of it, you only hearing it. “I was just asking to come dance with.” He added. “Sly mother fucker.” You muttered underneath your breath. “(Y/N)! That sounds like fun!” Your mom cooed. “Why don’t you dance with this young man?” She questioned. “I don’t-” “Come on, (Y/N). Just once, okay?” You mom pleaded. “What about never?” You retorted. “(Y/N), I will drag you to these events every time they are hosting one and you have to dance with Phillip everytime.” She threatened. “Mom, no-” “(Y/N), do it or else.” Your mother fought back with imitating cold glare. “Fine.” You huffed in defeat. The orchestra seem to burst with elegant music. “Thank you.” He sighed out as he smiled towards your mother. “No problem, Phillip. Take care of my daughter!” She chirped as she wander off with a pallet of food in her hand. You moaned,” God dammit.”

You were in the center of the room. You glared at polished floor with shy glint. Phillip hesitantly glided his hand on the indent of your waist. His palms stopped over lower back. You ingested some saliva nervously; his musk becoming your air. Petals of heat scattered all over face while he pulled you closer. Your shoulders were tensed while his hand grasped on for your right hand. Your free hand was placed onto his forearm as you lifted your intertwined hand. The violin and piano stood out while the music softly spun around the room. The other instruments tailed behind with a soft step. Everyone danced with their partner. You hesitantly took a step. Click. Click. Your heels tapped against the wooden floor. The two you both swayed uncomfortably. Your face was flushed as you felt the breath of Phillip feather against your face. You watched as both of your feet hesitantly move back and forth. “Yo, (Y/N),” Phillip broke the ice. Your eyes still pinned on to the floor. “Are my parents watching?” Philip asked. You looked over to the side, glaring at the crowd. You spotted the Hamiltons watching the two of you, Eliza waved with a grin. You waved back at her with a smile tugging at your mouth, “Yeah, there watching us.” You whispered as you stepped back while he stepped foreword. It was silent for a moment, an awkward feeling entrapped in your movements. “Thank you.” Phillip breathed out. “For what?” You asked as you dragged your head up to look him in his soft sap eyes. “Dancing with me.” He stated. “I would say no problem, but I’m not sure why you’re thanking me.” You said. “I am going to kick your ass for convincing my mom, so think again.” “Well, you got me out of my mother’s ranting and I think I’m a little scared.” Philip stepped back a little. “Yeah, you should.” You chuckled, it was silent for a moment. ”You and your dad seem close.” You randomly spilled out. The boy laughed lightly and shook his head,“How could you tell?” Hamilton’s brow arch at your statement with a small smirk. “You talk about him a lot. You basically worship the ground he walks on.” You answered. “You are his number one fan.” Chuckling as you both awkwardly danced to the rhythm. “Ironically,” The young Hamilton boy began. “My dad works a lot and barely spends time with mom, my sister, and I. He’s always typing away on his damn computer, and his four course meal is coffee. It sucks to be the son of a politician.” He murmurs the last sentence. “It’s always work, work, work, work, and no time for family.” You could feel the dread drop like lead. You licked your lips nervously, unaware of Phillip’s eyes trained on them. “That does suck.” You commented. “My dad is not even here.” “What?” “He passed when I was a tot.” You muttered. Your eyes dropped to the floor. “I’ve never actually learned a lot about him. All my mama said was he was courageous and energetic man. He loved my mother and me, and kept us close.” You shared. “I guess both of fathers aren’t exactly here in our lives, huh?” You looked up at him,”In a way, yeah.” You shrugged with a grin tugged on your lips. “Cheers to us being children without fathers!” He exclaims louder than usual with a sarcastic edge. The guest around glared at him; the sharp, irritated looks poked out a sheepish grin from Philip. “Cheers.” You say with your inside voice. A smirk was etched on your face. “Hey, next time use you three inch voice, kid.” You tease. He gave you a sarcastic chuckle,”Very funny.” “I know I am.” You sass back. “I could write a whole sit com.” “Better than the 90s series, “Friends”?” Phillip smiled with laughter held behind it. “Hell no, never, but I can write better than you, Phil.” “Hah! I wrote a poem!” “Oh, wow.” You gasped, “A poem. I’m shivering.” “I wrote one for my dad. It was stupid.” “Aw, that’s adowable.” You taunted. Purposely replacing the ‘r’ with a ‘w’- like a toddler learning how to red or restroom. “Come on show me your poetry, Shakespeare!” You begged while you chortled. “I’m not going to say that stupid shit that I made when I was nine.” He argues. “Jesus, you were nine? Now, that’s gold.” You cooed. Pinching his cheek (like how your grandmother did it, you wrinkled your nose mockingly. Phillip flicked your hand away from your cheek,“Ah, shut up.” A grin tugs on his lips. “You like my teasing.”

By the time the song ends, you and Phillip seem to get along quite well. You both were scampering outside on the patio. The fall air scraping your legs, you giggled as Philip had told his childhood story. The city seemed so far away, and the air was clean and refreshing. The music transformed into a wave of jazz music. The crowd began to shrink by a small amount as they head inside. “Philip you aren’t as bad as I thought you were.” You confess. “Really?” “Don’t make me say it again, Hamilton.” You warned jokingly. “I’m not relating my damn words.” Philip stepped back with his hand in front of him, “I won’t push it, Manning.” “Last name isn’t Manning.” You corrected. “Whatever, Manning.” “Still isn’t Manning.” Philip Hamilton snickered. The freckles on his face seem to emphasize at you, and you thought they symbolize as constellations. You absolutely adore them. Your heart stopped, Did I think that? God, no.. You angrily thought to yourself. You still didn’t trust the Hamilton boy. You nervously licked your lips. “Yo, Manning, you doing okay? You look kind of pale.” “I’m alright, just kind of cold.” You lied. “My last name isn’t Manning.” You added at the end. Philip ignored you,“You sure, Manning? You seem more pale than normal.” “ ‘m alright, Hamilton.” You protested with him as he wrapped his arm around you. He squished his body against yours. Flushing, you wiggled out of his grip. You were so uncomfortable, so confused with yourself. Your feeling towards this boy felt like a cinder block was crushing you. “Philip, I’m fine!” You exasperated as you piston away from the boy. “Jeez, calm down.” He murmured. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired.” You fibbed at the boy as you shifted on the balls of your seat. It was silent for minutes. The night sky reflected the sap brown eyes. His cheeks were chalked with red from the cold. “It’s alright.” It was quiet. The crickets sang with the orchestra. You could imagine the people dancing while people ate and gawk. You wished that you were there. “Seriously, I’m worried about you. “Why are you worried about me?” You hissed. “You look sick! I don’t want you to be ill!” Philip exasperated. “Sorry, I was just concern for you as a friend!” He added. “I’m sorry when have we been friends?” You snapped. “I d-don’t know!” He sputtered. “I’m not your friend! We had conversation and got along, but that didn’t make you my fucking friend.” You growled. “Hey, I’m just worried!” “And hey! I’m just pale and there is no need to worry about me!” “Why are you over-reacting?” You ignored his question. Stress, puzzled thoughts, and irritation had twisted in your gut aggressively. “Philip, why are you concerned for me? Why? I’ve been an asshole to you from the start. You’ve been a fucking annoying man-whore! Just leave me be-” “Shut up! Shut your damn mouth!” He exasperated. Philip kissed you.

Tagged readers: @pearltheartist

IM ON MOBILE I HAVE TO EDIT ON COMPUTER. Rip hope you enjoy and reblog loves

[wishingfornever]

2/22/2018 – No Contact:  Siesta Thursday

I woke up at 8… fell asleep.  Woke up at 11.  Fell asleep.  Woke up at 1.  Staying awake.

Several dreams.  The first dream was about my boss’s boss’s boss. Supposed to be a woman.  Dreamed I was speaking with her but I can’t remember her face.  Makes sense, since I have yet to see her face. Second dream… Esther.  This one was different than recent Esther dreams.  We were sitting in a room with other people, I was bored and she asked me if I wanted to read an article for couples who broke up and are trying to get back together again.  I considered not going, but I reminded myself that I’d do everything I can to keep her. So, I said, “Actually, I would like that very much.”

Finally, the last dream I had, I was reminded that Esther and I no longer speak to each other and this saddened me.  I fell asleep and I was crying, speaking to these people who weren’t really there.  The room was dark.  It was night.  There was this woman there as well as several others.  The woman wasn’t Ariel, but I had told this woman I loved her but I could never love her as much as I love Ariel.  Then while I was crying, I rolled over to see the door open.  I was alone at this time and I thought it was this same woman and I told her I’m sorry when she approached me.  She got close enough and I tried to kiss her but she pulled back.  As did I.

I realized it was my cousin, and apparently she was fired from her job and she was massively depressed, though she wanted to be fired.  I reassured her, she left my room, I looked outside to this alleyway (that isn’t there in rl, it’s just these apartments out my window) and I saw a lot of rain.  A lot of Mexicans too, like we were actually in Mexico and not a part of Houston that is heavily populated by Mexicans… which wouldn’t be too inaccurate to say, tbh.

Regardless, something told me they were Mexicans.  I saw a couple walk down the street and I was jealous.  Then I saw a man hit another man on the back of his head with a club.  Then the police came.  It was a mess.

Perhaps that dream was a reminder that I worry too much about myself when the world outside my window has… well, the burdens of the world.  Criminals, cops, and lovers.  Idk.

Anyways, the Boss’s Boss’s Boss.  Triple B.  She was supposed to inspect the store today.  Yesterday, I closed.  I did a poor job but I discovered… energy shots make my nose itch.  It makes sense but I don’t have concrete evidence just yet.  It’s very peculiar. Might have something to do with stress?  Idk.

Customers are nice to me at work.  I don’t know how to react.  Several days ago, a woman tried to give me a bag of potato chips and a liter of pepsi.  I told her I don’t drink soda and don’t like chips.  She was nice and I felt horrible for saying no.  Yesterday, I had a can of pringles and a two liter of root beer.  I feel like an ass.

Of course, I hated the pringles and the two liter was to fix my water bottle which had become so dented I needed some carbonation to undent it.  Worked great, btw.

I was given a box of chinese food from a coworker.  Walked home with that.  I have to say, it wasn’t my finest moment.  Reason being is that there was chicken in it.  I felt bad for that.  I’m trying to be as vegetarian as possible.  :/

Regardless, I ate everything.  So consider 21st of February the last day I had meat.  I’ll count until the next day I inevitably cheat. We’ll see.

My manager, the one I closed with last night…  I legitimately think he hates Mexicans.  Dan is his name.  He’s the one who referred to customers as “Wetbacks” and on Monday (several days ago) said kid’s in the store were running loose because their parents were irresponsibly drinking and having a party a little bit down the way. I said “Oh, it’s Monday.  Mondays are the worst days for partying.”

“Mexicans don’t care,” he said.  “They party every night if they could and we have to deal with their kids because of it.”

The last comment, though perhaps not blatantly racist, didn’t sit right with me.  The way he said Mexican… that was an issue I had.

Ironically, I had mentioned to the store manager (Jack) of Dan’s “Wetbacks” comment and how it caught me SO off guard.  This wasn’t me reporting, I was just gabbing.  That day when he said “Mexicans don’t care,” I found out he told Berenice, a shift manager like Dan.  I asked him not to tell Dan about it.  I don’t want to get involved in Workplace drama and if he knew I was gossiping, there would be a major conflict of interests and working would be… difficult.

I hate working with Dan.  He smells, his breath smells, and he’s kind of a hassle.  Bad days are made worse with him.  I don’t have a lot of faith when working with him.  He complains A LOT.  Like so much. One of those.  I try to be polite, but god damn.  Like, he swears up and down that the store would fall apart without him (not those exact words, mind you).

Admittedly, he’s the only one who can do some chores because he is the only manager with a car.  But, still.  Some of the places he claims to have organized are kind of… crap.

I wonder if I’m just too extensive in my job or if everyone has phoned it in.  I swear I’ve phoned it in but I’ve been wrong before.

So, remember how I wanted to message Marjane Satrapi?  Ask her for advice?  Not feeling so confident, so I won’t be doing that.  I looked, and it’s probably a fan page I saw.  I don’t have any chance in hell to get guidance from her.

It’s a shame. When she stopped identifying as Iranian, I could relate.  When growing up, I pretended I wasn’t Mexican.  My dad sort of made it out to be bad, so I thought so too.  Now, I don’t want to identify as American but I don’t have anything else to be.

Dennis used to give me a hard time calling me, “Half-Breed.”  A lot.  It hurt more than I’d let on, but I ignored it.  Whenever I mocked him, he was quick to say, “omg, wtf dude?!” but I never pointed it out.  I guess I would have when dealing with Esther, but I was too emotional then.  Might still be now.

He also called me “Mama’s Boy” a lot with Adriana which wasn’t as bad as half-breed because it was always my dad I had to call or whatever.  I knew otherwise but half-breed… eh.

Whatever.  Not trying to shit on Dennis for busting my balls.  We all did it.  Shane was the worst at it, though.  Like, laughably bad.  Fun times.

Right, Marjane.

I was hoping to get into a discussion with a fellow Marxist and discuss life… how to approach my dad, tell her about Esther, tell her my troubles, just… I need someone I feel I can relate with.  Someone wiser than me.  I won’t get that with my parents because my dad is part of the problem and my mom is too invested in me.

I really feel alone.

Tomorrow, I’ll message Esther.  I’ll call my dad, too.  Esther I will try to make quick.  I’ll ask her if she’ll want me to change her name or whatever.  Try to keep her identities secret.  If not, I’ll keep the names how they are because… well, I’m lazy and I really don’t feel like changing ALL the names on a whim.  But if she wants me to, I’ll listen.  If she blocks me without saying a word, then I’ll assume she doesn’t mind.

Whatever the case, I’ll make it quick.  Let her know I still care… perhaps she’ll see that and open up dialogue again.  Won’t amount to much, but if there is a chance then this is the way to get there.

Of course, the worst case scenario is she blocks me immediately.  The most likely scenario is that she messages me to tell me “Change my name” and then blocks me without saying anything else.  The second to best case scenario is that she tells me to change her name, tells me she wishes me well, and then blocks me.

I can almost guarantee dialogue beyond that.  Life hasn’t been kind to me, but… idk.  Maybe sometime this year, things will get better.

Strangely enough, despite what’s happened since January, I feel like this may be my year.  I mean, it started poorly… and continues to be mediocre, but there are a lot of things that are being released that appeals to my interests.  Like, Age of Empires Definitive Edition is released (not for steam yet).  Kingdom Come Deliverance (which has a bad title) is supposed to be pretty neat, if you can get past his HUGE forehead.  Rome II Total War has more DLC being released for it for SOME FUCKING REASON.  Doki Doki Literature club is a graphic novel about poetry… poetry.

I can’t play of these things, yet.  Like, AoE isn’t for steam or Windows 8, KDC is too graphically intensive, Rome II DLC hasn’t been released yet or I refuse to get at full price, and DDLC is free to download but I won’t be downloading it yet.  Why not?  I don’t know, I figure I’d wait a little while to play through it myself but it’s already been spoiled for me so no rush.

Adela didn’t go to work today.  She was too sick.  Which is great because Max wasn’t in here.  So, I sort of slept in if you say taking a nap at about noon is sleeping at noon.  I have yet to eat and it’s 5. She’s going to barre soon and she’ll leave Max with me.  I think I’ll do some exercise, weigh myself after, have breakfast, then do the dishes.

I look a lot thinner than I used to.  I’ve lost a lot of belly weight.  I also feel stronger than I have in months.  I’ve never felt stronger which is perhaps to say I’ve never been weaker.  I’m ashamed to admit that.  But, I’ll get over it.

Speaking of getting over it, Max is in the room now.  He is something of a pest as of late and has been avoiding me.  He used to be super chill with me but something’s happened.  Now when we’re in the same room, he pesters me until I let him out.  He REALLY doesn’t want to even be in the same level as me.  Like, he waits downstairs when I’m in the room and when I’m downstairs he’ll be upstairs.

Hrm… Perhaps this started when we stopped giving him treats?  I can’t even remember.

He was walking over the keyboard as I was typing.  Unfortunately, his anxiety worsened when discord went “BLEEP” and that scared the crap out of him.  So, that makes him want to walk on the keyboard. And Max has the worst breath (not as bad as Dan’s, though).

Now that I think about it, everyone at work has bad breath.  I hate it. But I’m reminded of myself because I don’t bathe a lot when I’m depressed and I was depressed for a very long time.  :/

Eh. I’m bathing more than I ever had and I’ve never been so… emotionally unstable.  Things change, I guess.

About to walk max.  Tried to brush my hair.  Looked in the mirror. Smiled.

I look like the joker if he were chunkier and more Mexican.  The comic book joker.  The joker there is super skinny, but I have his angry looking smile.  Erm…

The reason for this is because I shaved yesterday.  No more beard.  It’ll grow back.  But… I probably shouldn’t shave.

That said, I now way 241.5 pounds.  What is that in Metric?  Not sure. The US is dumb.  But that’s pretty light.  Last time I measured myself, I weighed a bit more.  I’m still losing weight, but at a slow rate.