#fuck modi though

[artcinemas]

if bjp wins the general election i might actually start doing tax evasion for reals this time

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

God of War: Grumpy Neighbor AU

God of War AU where the instant Sif gets pregnant with Magni and Modi (they are twins here if they aren’t in canon) Thor gets him and his wife the fuck outta dodge because he doesn’t want Odin fucking his kids up the way he fucked Thor himself up.

They hide out on Midgard and Odin keeps trying to find them but Thor’s been his hatchet man for centuries and knows his tricks. Thor hangs up Mjolnir and takes up a crook, becoming a shepherd and farmer.

But, plot twist, they end up living next to a certain vagabond God of War and his Totally Not a Giant wife.

Now Faye recognizes Thor instantly and internally panics but decides that freaking out and running would only confirm any suspicions he has so she pretends nothing is wrong. Thor, meanwhile, is 98% sure this woman is a Jotun but smashing giants is not his goddamn job anymore so he also pretends that everything is fine.

Kratos and Thor grunt in each others’ general directions every once in a while and consider each other their best friends. Sif and Faye end up becoming friends even though there remains a layer of reservation that Sif can’t define the source of.

Magni and Modi grow up as vaguely wholesome Gym Bros who respect women, wrestle bears, and are constantly challenging “uncle Kratos” to wrestling matches, determined to one day beat him.

Sif and Faye get pregnant with Thrud and Atreus around the same time and help each other through their pregnancies, even though Faye knows her time is coming.

Thor sits Kratos down and reveals who he is. Kratos does the same. They come to the same conclusion: their children will never be safe in a world where Odin holds sway.

Thor takes up Mjolnir once more. Kratos takes up the Blades of Chaos again. They set off together, leaving Magni and Modi to guard Faye and Sif. They seek allies, those Thor knows have an axe to grind with Asgard and Odin. Freya, Mimir, as many others as they can find.

Odin never stood a chance.

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 3, Part 1/3 (p. 760-891)

Read the previous post here.

Time for the beginning of Act 3! An inauspicious start, since the Act begins with Jade's introduction.

So I guess the "reader" is still acknowledged as a thing. And they're actively attempting to manipulate Jade. I wonder how much longer this will last for.

Jade has so many interests, you guys! So many! And I'm sure each and every one of them will be relevant to her character as well!

Also, she needs reminders so she doesn't forget about the things she's interested in? What?

Why does Jade have so many variants of fetch modus when none of these will ever show up again? Actually, the whole modus system continues to be really dumb and that's probably why it's rarely mentioned in the later acts.

Jade's precognition again being treated as just a fun lil' quirk. Gosh, she's just so quirky, right fellas? So many modi, so many interests. She's just so silly and fun, right? Right???

Honest confession time. When I first read Homestuck, I had no idea that a "eureka lemon" was an actual variety of lemon. Of course I've heard of crab apples, key limes, and mandarin oranges, but it never occurred to me that a eureka lemon was also a real thing. I didn't figure this out until years later.

Wait wait wait. Hold the phone. Jade is a fan of old cartoons? When is that ever referenced again outside of the occasional mention of Squiddles (a show that isn't real)? What the fuck? John likes movies, has posters in his room, and name drops his favorites on a regular basis. Why does Jade not talk about any cartoons she likes???

Physics, gadgetry, and gardening are all shit that aren't ever mentioned again either, but I was at least aware of those things being related to her, at least on a surface level. Jade's whole thing (well, what I assume Hussie ostensibly intended to be her thing) is that she's this genius wiz kid. And her username is gardenGnostic, so of course horticulture has to be somehow related to her character. This whole cartoon thing is seriously new knowledge to me, though.

Grandpa Harley was a real renaissance man with a multitude of interests, so it's natural that Jade takes after him. The problem is that Grandpa is dead and he's less of a character than he is this mysterious symbol that Jade both admires and resents. It doesn't matter whether or not he's fleshed out, but Jade is a main character, so by necessity she must be or else she comes across as half-baked.

Jade has two pages dedicated to her interests, yet none of them are relevant to her character. She never talks to anyone else about gardening or anthros or anything like that. She doesn't use her scientific knowledge to help solve a problem. Her guns only serve the same basic combat purpose as the other kids' kind abstratus, but beyond that she isn't a gun nut.

One can point to stuff like John's interest in programming or Dave's love of photography as examples of extraneous character traits that don't ever manifest later on in the comic. But in Jade's case, it's nearly all of them. Hussie could've filled these pages with anything he wanted, but nothing would alter the existing perception of Jade being nothing more than "silly, upbeat girl who can see into the future." This is what I meant when I said earlier that she doesn't have any character to speak of. Or rather, she's just extremely shallow.

And because Jade doesn't have enough quirks already, her shirt randomly changes designs. Wow! Incredible!

These "manthro chaps" are honestly more unnerving and sexually charged than the smuppets. I don't ever see anyone reference them nearly as often, and probably for good reason. Unlike the smuppets, they're too close to resembling humans and are very uncanny. This feels like a deranged fetish thing, but it's being played off as more silly, quirky bullshit. "Slop trough" is a phrase I never want to read again.

Right. Hating furries was very much en vogue back in 2009, I'd say more so than the present. However, Hussie is going to great lengths to portray Jade as one of the "good ones." Her interest in anthros is non-sexual in nature and she does not partake in "cringe" furry activities like wearing fursuits and engaging in sexual activities with other furries. As stated before, the manthro chaps are being depicted as wholesome make believe, not in a feral/pet play context (despite the fact that that's exactly what it looks like).

This is just Hussie taking pot shots at a subculture that has historically been a very easy target for ridicule. I'm not even sure why he decided to make Jade a furry in the first place if he was going to draw lines in the sand like this. What an incredible dickhead. And since this is written from Jade's perspective, it makes her a dickhead too.

There are a few times later on where Jade comes across as rude or judgmental, coming at odds with her otherwise unflinchingly polite and optimistic disposition. Needless to say, this does little to endear her to me.

Like John, Jade also has a chest full of shit that doesn't end up mattering. Come to think of it, this whole intro sequence feels extremely drawn out, kind of like John's. John at least had the excuse of being the first character and he required a long intro in order to establish the tone and mechanics. We've gotten a good handle on things by the time we reach Rose and Dave, so their intros weren't nearly as involved. So why the fuck is Jade's taking so long? We know this whole routine, we've done it three times now. Can we get the fuck on with the story already!?

This is a really bizarre sequence of pages where the "reader" is forced to match the memory cards of Jade's modus, only to fail at it repeatedly while both Jade and Hussie judge them for it.

Man... I know it's a common fandom notion that Jade is the most neglected and underutilized of the main cast of kids, but you seriously wouldn't have guessed that based on all these early pages. She feels more like Hussie's favorite, if anything.

Every passage he seems to talk about her with affection and a total absence of snark, not like the other kids who are regarded with bemusement at best or mockery at worst when they do something foolish. Here the derision is solely focused on the reader for their apparent cluelessness, and both Hussie and Jade are on the same side. C'mon, Jade's just offering the reader to play this game and they fail because they're obviously not as smart as she is. Serves them right for that earlier, boorish suggestion that this wonderful girl might be a, gasp, disgusting fursuit-wearing degenerate!

There's something a little off about how this then-30 year old man created this 13 year old girl who's so sweet and perfect in every way, and whom he dedicates so many pages showing us every single one of her quirks and all the amazing things she has in her home. But I don't really want to dwell further on this, so I'll be moving on.

"But he does like his steak well cooked."

"He does prefer his steak rare after all."

Well, which is it??? Does he like his steak well or rare? Does Hussie not know the difference between these terms? Has he never cooked a steak before?

Dave Strider? More like Dave Simper. He is incredibly down bad. She's obviously not online, dude. Get out of her DMs. He's also facetiously engaging her with furry roleplay. God, Dave, get a clue! ERP is something only cringy furries do and as established previously, Jade is most definitely not one of those types of furries!

The Midnight Crew get their own dedicated flash. These guys sure are getting teased a lot, despite just being characters from an in-universe webcomic. I wonder what it could mean...

FINALLY we get to the Strider fight. Well, it's more like Dave vs. Cal rather than Dave vs. Bro. Not to try and crack open more Bro discourse, but the idea that people will try to equate Dave getting clowned on by a puppet with actual child abuse is absurd. I don't see how this is any different than the previous strifes John and Rose had with their parents.

FUCK it was only for one page. We're back to Jade again. You know, if I had a friend who knew whenever I was about to have an internet outage and acted all smarmy about it, I would probably stop talking to them.

"Grandpa Moreau over there on Hellmurder Island" is a good line. Thank you Rose for providing some levity to this slog of pages I've been enduring.

Another GameFAQs page, but this section is written by John for some reason. He brings up a great point about how nobody is reading these damn things. If you're some nudnik who truly gives a shit about how punch card alchemy works, oh boy do I have a page for you!

Jade dislikes hunting and it was mentioned earlier that she'd never shoot an animal. It strikes me as odd that she has such a passion for guns, but not hunting. What does she shoot then? She's a "skilled markswoman" but do we ever see a shooting range or anything to practice her skills? I can't imagine there's much else to shoot on this island aside from wildlife.

Grandpa Harley says Jade will grow up to be like the women in the photos he gets off to. I uh... I don't know how to feel about that. Other than perhaps it's for the best this old man is dead.

Wow! Who's this rude customer? What a crazy guy! Oh well, he was blocked so I don't think we'll ever see him again.

Finally at this point we take an extended reprieve from Jade. For the record, we're 99 pages into the Act. It took Rose 25 pages from her intro before the plot returned to John, and Dave 48 pages from his before turning back to Rose. (I'm not counting brief cuts to other characters for these counts, because the main focus is still on the recently introduced character). Nearly 100 pages of Jade showing off her house before going back to the plot. Augh!

Anyway, Rose actually reaches out and grabs the captcha card, which isn't something we've seen up to this point. This whole inventory system is weird, man.

I think it's all but directly stated that Mom Lalonde became an alcoholic because she has known the exact date the world was going to end. A sad detail.

Part 2 of the Strider fight ends with Bro yeeting Dave down the stairs. Again, I can't see this scene as serious representation of legitimate child abuse, especially with the fucking SBaHJ jokes at the end. The tone is so comedic and outrageous I don't understand anyone who takes it seriously.

Honestly, the earlier scenes with Dave roaming the apartment, being surrounded by weapons and sex toys, making comments of how he has difficulty accessing food, and being videotaped for Bro's fetish films paint a much better image of an abusive household than any of this strife shit. I don't want to try and argue that Bro isn't a bad guardian, because he definitely is, but there's this notion in the fandom that he does all this because he hates Dave and wants him to suffer, and I don't think that's true at all. His actions read more like neglect and carelessness, not malice.

You can make a list of all Bro's crimes, but hating his brother is not one of them.

John wins his fight against the ogres. There's an earlier page where we see him getting the tar kicked out of him (with the same over the top slapstick animations during the Dave vs. Bro fight, mind you), but it's only after Nannasprite and Rose join to help that he's able to achieve victory. He really can't do anything on his own, can he?

How about a "thank you, Rose, for beating those ogres for me"? Dickhead.

No "thank you" for Nannasprite, either. Instead he asks her to carry him to the gate, since he already knows Rose can't do it. This kid really sucks.

Now that I'm a third of the way done with Act 3, I have to say Jade is some honest to god Mary Sue shit. I don't like using that term because it's been misused to the point of uselessness, but come on. Compare Jade to the three previous kids and tell me that this girl isn't the most ridiculous character in this lineup.

We have John, the goofy cornball that likes pranks and watching bad movies; Rose, the smug pseud that likes the occult and writing lousy fiction; Dave, the aloof hipster that likes rapping and making shitty comics; and Jade, the genius manic pixie furry girl with a randomly changing wardrobe that can see into the future, lives on a private island full of crazy hi-tech gadgets, was raised by a radioactive dog, and likes physics, gardening, sharpshooting, bass guitar, and inventing.

Fuck me. If I was DM for a DnD session and someone submitted a character sheet like that against three normal ones, I'd tell them to leave. Why can't she just be a normal kid like the others? It's all so jarring!

Suddenly I'm wishing I was back reading Act 1 again.

Read the next post here.

[komotionlessqueenmm]

Gow magni,modi,baldur finding out their s/o is pregnant?

Aha more romantic headcanons!

Headcanon/Preference # 21

Pictures NOT mine. (Found on Pinterest.)

Year posted - 2022

*Made the reader a goddess in this one.

| Magni |

• Tires desperately to resist the urge to pick you up in his arms and spin you around, because he doesn't wanna hurt you or the baby.

• He's been dreaming of your future children since you agreed to court him, so to say he's excited is an understatement.

• He never realized just how deep his love for you runs until you're swollen with his child. I mean yea you're a goddess, but now you look so much more enchanting than ever before.

• You don't see the appeal considering how much your going through with the cravings, mood swings, aching feet, and sore back. But you appreciate the praise none the less.

• Which are constantly coming your way!

• Plus full body massages nearly every single night, because he knows how uncomfortable and sore you are with all the physical changes your experiencing.

• He loves telling your unborn baby stories, and he'll do it with anyone around, he gives zero fucks about what people might think.

• And at night he'll lay his head on your belly, supporting most of his own weight, and just murmur all sorts of endearing things to the baby.

• Magni brainstorms baby names for weeks with you. You both love so many of them that you simply can't decide. So you leave the final decision to the day their born.

• Magni is protective as fuck, and will do everything and anything you ask him. He's devoted to you and your comfort, so don't expect to be allowed to do much without him taking over so you can rest.

• He doesn't do this because he thinks you're not capable, he does it because he wants to help. You have the hardest part of the job in creating a baby, so he insists on helping as much as he possibly can.

• When your baby is born you give birth to a daughter, and you name her Aina (meaning “forever”). And she's the perfect combination of you and Magni, and thankfully she was born smaller than you had initially anticipated considering Magni's size, though she was wasn't exactly tiny.

| Modi |

• Unlike his brother he cannot resist the urge to pick you up in his arms and spin you around, though he tries to be gentle about it.

• Modi honestly ends up super paranoid when you jokingly say that he might hurt the baby with how "rough" he was being.

• Even when you explain that it was a joke, he still takes the matter seriously.

• Now he's paranoid about potentially hurting you and the baby, so he's super super soft and gentle with you.

• Which is really nice at first, until it gets to the point when he's just constantly hovering, and not letting you do anything, and I mean anything.

• Gotta pee at 2am? Modi is carrying you to the washroom despite having just woken up because you simply moved.

• Attempting to gather herbs from your garden? Modi will pick you up off your knees and sit you somewhere comfortable, then proceed to do the work for you. Messily mind you.

• Using a knife to cut some meat for dinner? Nope not gonna happen, Modi will scold you like a child, and take the knife, doing the work for you.

• Does it matter that your a goddess, and perfectly capable of doing these things? Nope not at all.

• But you keep your annoyance to yourself, you know he's only trying to help, and you technically started this anyways.

• When the baby is born you give birth to a son, and you name him Steffen (meaning “crown”). He looks just like his father, but he has your nose, hair color, and uncanny smile.

| Baldur |

• Kisses you so fiercely that he takes your breath away, his hands braced against your hips, pulling you flush against him.

• Before you Baldur wanted nothing to do with children, mostly because of his curse.

• But he loves you with his entire being, and he would be over the moon to be the father of your children.

• Baldur is with you every step of the way, assisting you when needed, but letting you manage smaller tasks on your own. He knows how much you cherish your independence.

• Wishes more than ever that he could feel, he wishes to know what your swollen belly would feel like in his hands, and what it would feel like to feel the baby kick.

• Perhaps it's a blessing when he nicks his finger with your mistletoe hairpin, resulting in his curse lifting, and making it possible for him to feel all of these things.

• In that moment he's so beyond happy that you asked him to help with your hair, despite not being very good at styling it the way you wanted.

• He cries when he kissed you, your belly in his hands, and your baby kicking excitedly, as if it knew what had just happened.

• When the baby is born you give birth to twins, a boy and a girl. You name the girl Solveig (meaning “daughter of the sun”) and the boy Logi (meaning “fire”). She looks just like you, and he looks just like his father, it's uncanny, and little bit odd just how much she looks like you, and he looks like Baldur.

[smokescreenstuff]

Characters that share the same voice as Smokescreen!

(That I personally find interesting)

- Deadpool (No, not Ryan Reynolds. Though hearing him voice Smokescreen would be funny.)

- Fish from Cat and The Hat Movie (I forgot he had a voice)

- Hades in God of War (O.O I'm just scrolling through his voices, but imma have to look into this one)

- Hank Pym (This is from 2006, so not too recent)

- Ghost Rider in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (another voice I want to hear)

- TMNT 2007 Raphael (This was a video game, but still cool as heck)

- Nathan Drake (I saw the Uncharted movie, it was cool. He probably sounds really cool in the game)

- Goldar (In a power rangers video game? I grew up on power rangers)

- Desmond Miles (Don't know much about Assassin's Creed, but I think he's an important character)

- Sideswipe (Transformer: Rise of the Fallen)

- Stoick (How to train your dragon video game, and other media)

- Brawl (Transformers: War for Cybertron)

- The Penguin (Batman video games)

- David from The Last of Us (I feel like Smokescreen would be horrified)

- Skylynx (From the same continuity as Smokescreen. The giant Predacon shares Smokescreen's voice. They need to talk.)

- The Kraang (2013 TMNT)

- Superboy (Don't know much, but I can see Smokescreen being Superman's kid)

- Engineer (TF2 short, Expiration Date. TF2 is really funny)

- Green Goblin (Video game. Is the voice actor good at deep, creepy voices? That would be scary if Smokescreen talked like that)

- Leonardo, Shedder, Splinter (He voices a lot of TMNT characters, this is in a video game btw)

- Tony Stark (In a some games... And Fortnight)

- Ghost (Destiny seems like a cool game)

- Metroplex (Transformers: Titans Return)

- Chrome Dome (Transf- wait... What do you mean this is another TMNT character?)

- Modi (God of War, guess there's more than one. Is Modi the head?)

- Asmodeus in Scooby-Doo (Isn't he the devil of lust or something?)

- He's background characters in ROTTMNT...

- Superman (A few different media)

- Joker (Scooby-Doo and Krypto too)

- Swindle (Transformers: Earthspark)

That's a lot of voices...

EDIT: Well fuck... He's really good at terrifying. Smokescreen would be a very scary villain just with his voice alone.

[ltstrikesback]

TLDR: Monkey Man was so beautiful and so much more than meets the eye.

Spoilers below/me being mildly pretentious:

As someone who has not gone to the movies to see anything other than queer films lately, my girlfriend got us tickets to Monkey Man. She practices jujutsu and likes John Wick and thought this movie would be similar.

I am a huge Dev Patel fan, though, when I saw the trailer before a viewing of Love Lies Bleeding, I figured I might not actually end up seeing it. I didn’t think I was the target audience. I also don’t love action heavy, guns blasting movies in theaters themselves because it’s a bit sensory overload for me. I felt myself make a mental note to watch it on streaming and already forgetting to do so. Flash forward to me and my partner in the theater and I was in awe.

This movie is about a small village who is violently forced off their land so the elite can build a factory. Dev Patel’s character—Kid—is a child the day the village is expelled. He witnesses his mother’s murder and years later seeks revenge on the man who killed her. When he fails to enact his revenge, he finds himself in a city wide man hunt, ending with him falling into a river, drowning. But he is saved! By a small community of hijra—trans women—who live in a temple nearby.

Walking into this movie I didn’t expect social commentary or politics. I anticipated a Rocky type movie, contained to the story of one individual’s hero’s journey. (People keep mentioning John Wick as a comparison. I just mentioned it in this very post but I haven’t actually seen it for the record.) Monkey Man is specifically not about one individual or one individual’s revenge. This was my takeaway. The message we see over and over is that there are things in this life bigger than ourselves. It is literally impossible to save yourself by yourself—you need community.

I’ll take a step back now to acknowledge that I am not sure how familiar everyone is with current politics in India. I myself have limited insight but have friends who are personally affected by the current climate. There is a strong wave towards Hindu nationalism under PM Modi. It’s yet another instance of what feels like the whole world turning to fascism. The movie uses real clips from real instances of social clashes to paint the landscape of this fictional city. Also, I was reading into the backstory and potential censorship of this film and learned the villain’s colors were originally orange, not red. A clear parallel to the current Hindu nationalism at hand. There are clips of crowds attacking trans people. There are boos at the mention of Muslims and Christians. There are scapegoats in this film that are intentionally pulled from real life.

Now to jump back in—I have to say I was completely moved by the entire sequence at the temple. The temple is dedicated to Ardhanarishvara—a god who is part woman and part man. The hijra community has found a home here, albeit on the outskirts of society. The leader tells Kid, “no one will come looking for you here.” Their status in society protects him in a serendipitous way. They are also the ones that nourish him and help him train for his next mission. Not only that, but we see this community smile, laugh, flirt, and fight. I loved the scene with Kid and the drummer, with the girls cat calling him from afar (same). It was so tender to see trans joy, even in mundanity, amidst persecution.

When Kid has self-actualized and essentially is Hanuman, the part monkey God the movie is named after, he takes on the political elites. There is a moment he is surrounded by bodyguards in this hotel sequence. He’s outnumbered and out comes our hijra fam to the rescue. They take down these men. And it is so fucking amazing. I mean, really, it’s so fucking amazing to see them fight for themselves, for each other and be the hero.

To wrap up, I also wanted to touch on the fight sequences’ production. I mentioned I don’t really like fight scenes because I get sensory overload but the music in this film resolved this issue for me. It wasn’t pure screams or gunshots. There was a really fun soundtrack that added a great twist to the film. Kind of reminds me when they break out electric guitars in Chinese historical dramas. Just another thing about this movie that really worked. At least for me personally.

Last thought—my take away is not necessarily to say “put Dev Patel in everything” which is happening in the online discourse. (There’s a weird opposite-of-cancel-culture thing that happens sometimes where audiences obsess and then forget about actors or artists. Idk.) Rather: let this man do whatever he wants. Give him your funding, give him your resources! He should not have to kill himself to tell his stories!

*Sigh* my heart has been so full since watch this. A huge shout out to Dev and his team.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I would like to clarify a point that I repeatedly made in the 12,000-word biography of Andy Zaltzman I wrote the other week, when I claimed he does not have comedic chemistry with any people who are not John Oliver. Andy Zaltzman can go back and forth with people quite happily, it just tends to be full of awkward pauses and buried in contrived economic analogies. If you don't mind that, the banter is, as they say, electric. For example, this from the Bugle livestream that just finished and was absolutely enormous fun.

Nish Kumar: Sometimes, people like me, who are [Narendra] Modi skeptics are described by BJP fans as HINOs. That’s an acronym meaning Hindu in Name Only. And I would describe them as Cultists Understanding Nothing Theological. What a pack of fucking Cultists Understanding Nothing Theological. Yeah, that’s right, [Producer] Chris, I found a way around you bleeping the word cunt! Andy Zaltzman: That’s why you are a Comedian of Unbelievable Natural Talent, Nish. Sorry, I must stop reading The Telegraph. Nish Kumar: You can’t get involved in acronym wars with Zaltzman, it’s like challenging Federer to tennis. It’s a fool’s errand. Andy Zaltzman: Well, you mention this striking inequality in India. And it’s not really for us, particularly white Brits, to judge how our former imperial – partners? Is that the term we’re using now? – but the economic choice India is making in this current era – it’s like when you meet a naked man, and you give him a thousand pounds to go away and smarten himself up. And he goes away, and he spends twenty pounds on quite a nice tie, and nine hundred and eighty pounds on a haircut. And he comes back looking quite pleased with himself. And sure, it’s a very nice tie, he could wear it to pretty much any social occasion. He could wear it to work, he could wear it to a job interview, he could probably wear it to family occasions. Fine, good tie, money well spent. And it is unquestionably the most sensational haircut you have ever seen. But, those are some conversationally-distracting testicles. So that’s how I would explain the Indian economy. Alice, did you vote in the Indian elections? Alice Fraser: First of all, I like the idea that there are any testicles that wouldn’t be conversationally distracting. The premise of your joke implies some bland, inoffensive testicles. [break for technical difficulties with Alice Fraser’s live linkup] Audience: Fuck you [Producer] Chris! Nish Kumar: While we are waiting, Andy – the bland, inoffensive testicles was the name of your and John’s first double act, wasn’t it?

They ended on a pun run, this one themed around historic world leaders, and that was a big one. It contained the line: “My mate got into antiques, he tried to make a living selling antiques. He bought this table, but the legs of the table were really rough, and he needed to smooth them off. So he went to the hardware store to buy something to smooth them off. But also, he needed something to go in his fireplace, in case he decided he didn’t like the table and he wanted to burn it. So he wrote down a shopping list for the hardware store, he wrote down: a leg sander, the grate [Alexander the Great].”

And that's it, that's the show. That's Andy Zaltzman humour, everyone. Laboured analogies about the economy, swearing via acronyms, an extended monologue chock-full of puns about historical figures (the Alexander the Great one was just one of many in the pun run), technological incompetence/general failures of slick production (to be fair the internet lag was not Andy's fault, but various other issues were), and every once in a while they still take a shot at John Oliver. That's the entirety of his repertoire summarized in one post, there was actually no need for me to write a 12,000-word biography. Everyone sure is going to have fun watching Taskmaster this fall!

Seriously though, I had so much fun watching that shambolic livestream, I so hope they do one again soon.

[modusappraiser]

Greetings. My modus disassembles items I have captcha'd into a "pool" of (mostly generalized, few specialized) parts. I have to reassemble the item I want correctly with no instruction. Failure results in a ghost image. I have nicknamed it "gizmodus". Personally I have found it quite suiting to my interest in tinkering, but I was interested in what others may think.

►◄► Convenience. 0/3 ◄►◄

►◄► You gotta have some fast fucking prongs for this, you're definitely going to learn a lot about a lot of things using this. I tip my metaphorical cranial adornment to you. ◄►◄

►◄► Simplicity. 0/3 ◄►◄

►◄► I can't decide if this is a 3/3 simplicity or a 0/3. I will go with 3/3 so I suppose that sets a precedent that this is ranked off of mechanical intricacies rather than conceptual ones. This shits wack. It has to be one of the more complex modi I've seen. There are some more simple ones that rely on visual components like the shape-break modus or even the jigsaw modus, but physical ones take a new level. This does remind me of that one modus that Troll LEGO did, though. Maybe one of them was based on the other. ◄►◄

►◄► Scrutability. 3/3 ◄►◄

►◄► This modus hides nothing, and tells nothing. The most scrutes of them all. ◄►◄

►◄► 4/10, wack modus. ◄►◄

[skiddlecat]

Homestuck 13/04/09 SBURB BETA

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be? Enter name. 13/04/09

ZOOSMELL POOPLORD

TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS Try again. 13/04/09

✓ JOHN EGBERT Examine room. 13/04/09

Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do? John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer. 13/04/09

Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord! Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST. 13/04/09

Out of sympathy for John's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED. John: Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST. 13/04/09

captchalogue x2

You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS.

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.

There are other items in the chest. John: Examine contents of chest. 13/04/09

captchalogue x2

Colonel Sassacre's DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY

Harry Anderson's WISE GUY

In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.

You are neither of these things.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS. John: Captchalogue smoke pellets. 13/04/09

sylladex::captchalogue deck

You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining. John: Equip fake arms. 13/04/09

You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.

Unfortunately, you cannot access the FAKE ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just make your room lousy with smoke!

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating.

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience. John: Examine Problem Sleuth Poster. 13/04/09

Is it even possible to get any more hard boiled than that? You really doubt it. This poster was one of your wisest purchases.

There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon. John: Read note on drawer. 13/04/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES AND COLOGNES.

Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER. John: Take poster. 13/04/09

Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. You wonder what is printed on the poster.

You'll need some way to hang it on your wall. John: Acquire hammer and nails. They will come in handy. 13/04/09

You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.

But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS?

You guess it doesn't hurt to try. John: Take nails. 13/04/09

You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card.

The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!!

Oh well. They're probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don't want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences.

In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful. John: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk. 13/04/09

This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!!

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

And yet the polished surface of your desk…

It beckons. John: Combine the nails and hammer. 14/04/09

You MERGE the top two cards.

The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together. John: Use hammer/nails on poster. 14/04/09

You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it. John: Nail poster to wall. 14/04/09

FRED SAVAGE HOWIE MANDEL

little monsters

You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.

It's glorious. Exactly what you wanted. The old man really came through this time. John: Examine Con Air poster. 14/04/09

CAGE CUSACK

A JERRY BRUCKHEIMER PRODUCTIONThe most dangerous criminals in the world are about to take flight. Only one man can stop them.

CON AIR

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

WHY COULDN'T YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX? John: Examine Deep Impact poster. 14/04/09

DEEP IMPACT

Morgan Freeman's genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis.

OCEANS RISE. CITIES FALL. HOPE SURVIVES.

WOW.

Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you. Plus, a black president??? Now you've seen everything! John: Examine calendar. 14/04/09

APRIL

10: BETA! [x] 13: ☺

You've marked your birthday, the 13th of April. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.

It's been three days already. It's starting to become a sore subject with you. John: Eat cake. 14/04/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

You are sick to death of cake!!! You've been eating it all day. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The CAKE stays put for now.

You hear a notice from your COMPUTER. Someone is messaging you. John: Examine incoming message. 15/04/09

[SYSTEM]

[TYPHEUS]

[PESTERCHUM]

[pff.^CAKE]

[FUCK FUCK FUCK.^CAKE]

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.~ATH ]

[ACTUATE] [PESTERCHUM] | 04/13 16:13

You pull up to your COMPUTER. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it.

Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.

Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you. John: Open Pesterchum. 15/04/09

PESTERCHUM 6.0

CHAT CLIENT

CHUMROLL : ☺ turntechGodhead

tentacleTherapist

gardenGnostic [PESTER!]

MYCHUMHANDLE : ☺ ectoBiologist

MOOD : ☺ CHUMMY ✓ ☺ BULLY ☺ PALSY ☺ PEPPY ☺ CHIPPER ☹ RANCOROUS

Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. He's sent you a message. John: Open message. 15/04/09

:: turntechGodhead ::

PESTERLOG :

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today

[PESTER!]

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright. John: Look out window. 15/04/09

You see the view of your yard from your window.

Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.

And there beside your driveway is the mailbox. John: Examine mailbox. 15/04/09

The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up!

What the hell is that thing called anyway. You do not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here! John: Go outside and check mailbox. 15/04/09

You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store.

Oh great. He is beating you to the mail. John: Forget it. Check mail later. 15/04/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

If you go down stairs to get it, he will likely monopolize hours of your time. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles.

Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.

And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity!

Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses. John: Examine games on CD rack. 16/04/09

BARD QUEST

THE CAPER HAVERS

PROBLEM SLEUTH

AND IT DON'T STOP

?

GHOSTBUSTERS II MMORPG

KONAMI little monsters (Original Nintendo Seal of Quality)

HARRY ANDERSON CALL MY BLUFF

You've put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles. John: Read COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT. 16/04/09

Colonel Sassacre's

DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY

You decide to consult with the Colonel's bottomless wisdom. Good grief this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it.

But to really dig into this hefty book, you will have to captchalogue it. You are not sure you are ready to logjam your other ARTIFACTS beneath it just yet. John: Captchalogue fake arms again. 16/04/09

What did you just say?? You don't want to clog up your…

Oh, Jesus. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you accidentally captchalogue the arms again. John: Set Pesterchum status to "bully". 16/04/09

☺ turntechGodhead

You don't think the situation is quite dire enough to go all the way to "RANCOROUS", but you still feel the PESTERCHUM client should reflect your mood change in some way.

"BULLY" will have to do. You guess.

This unsurprisingly does nothing whatsoever.

Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you. John: Answer chum. 16/04/09

:: turntechGodhead :: PESTERLOG :

TG: is it there TG: plz say yes TG: maybe you can play with TT shes been pestering me all day about it TG: shes mackin on me so hard all the time i start to feel embarrassed for her TG: i mean not that i can blame her or anything EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you. TG: thank you EB: jk haha. EB: no, i don't have it yet. EB: my dad has the mail and i guess i have to go get it from him and see if it's there. EB: and i've been busy spending all afternoon shitting around with my stupid sylladex. EB: it's so frustrating. TG: whats your modus EB: what? TG: how do you retrieve artifacts from it EB: oh. like one at a time i guess. and if i put too much in, something falls out. TG: stack?? hahahahahaha EB: what is yours? TG: hash map TG: my bro taught me a few tricks he basically knows everything and is awesome EB: what the hell is that? TG: you should probably brush up on your data structures EB: i guess. TG: did you at least allocate your strife specibus EB: no. TG: it could free up a card for you TG: plus let you attack stuff whenever things get too hot to handle TG: which is never TG: what have you got EB: well, i've got a hammer but it's trapped under some arms. TG: wow you really suck at this dont you TG: just get rid of the arms and then allocate the hammer to the specibus EB: how? TG: i dont know just use the arms on any old thing and see if it works John: Combine fake arms with cake. 16/04/09

You stick the FAKE ARMS in the CAKE on your bed.

This definitely makes the CAKE at least 300% more hilarious. You're sure COLONEL SASSACRE would know the precise index of elevated hilarity. John: Allocate hammer to strife specibus. 16/04/09

kind abstrata

pizzactrkind batkind rollpinkind plungerkind yoyokind scissorkind peprsprykind chainsawkind crowbarkind broomkind pokerkind icepickkind golfclubkind [hammerkind] jumpropekind shovelkind hatchetkind spoonkind statuekind spatulakind scrwdrvrkind bladekind pistolkind lampkind stungunkind ballkind rakekind plankkind glovekind

forkkind canekind curlironkind chainkind knifekind tablelegkind shotgunkind needlekind peprmillkind dumbbellkind hckystckkind vacuumkind mopkind trophykind fncysntakind ladlekind cordkind ironkind sawkind cleaverkind iceskatekind wrenchkind umbrellakind plungerkind hosekind bookkind bustkind spadekind pipekind

nailgunkind hairdyrkind lcrsstckkind thrwstarkind tongskind razorkind fireextkind branchkind bowlgpinkind bombkind woodwindkind staplerkind riflekind sandlstkkind paddlekind bowkind barbwirekind dartkind marblekind plierkind fireworkkind chiselkind aerosolkind shoekind pippetkind fankind brasskind rockkind scythekind

You check the back of your STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS you have in mind for it. John: Select "HAMMER". 16/04/09

captchalogue x1

strife specibus

sylladex::strife deck hammerkind

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS.

The HAMMER has been moved from your CAPTCHALOGUE DECK to your STRIFE DECK. John: Report progress to TG. 16/04/09 EB: ok, i did it. TG: hammerkind? EB: yeah. TG: ok that will be the permanent allocation for your specibus TG: i guess i should have mentioned that EB: uh… TG: hope you like hammers dude! EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant. John: Captchalogue Colonel's big book. 17/04/09

Now that you've got some space in your SYLLADEX to work with, you figure you might as well start squandering it immediately.

Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience. John: Examine GameBro Magazine. 17/04/09

GAME BRO SBURB Why the "Game of

the Year" or whatever isn't as good as some other stuff I like that's better.

John: Read article. 17/04/09

GAME BRO FEATURE

SBURB

So ok.

SBURB is this game that a lot of cats seem hella pumped of. And this beta is sitting on my desk for review, so I'm like, yeah man I'll write something.

But I don't know. I'm like, so this is about houses or some noise? That's fine, I'm sure that's like fucking dynamite in a handbag for some brosephs. But all I'm saying is, when do you get to thrash anything? While you're playing house or some shit, are you ever in jeopardy of getting mud on your doll's dress or whatever from busting out, and I quote, "the mad stunts all wicked up-ins"?

Know what I'm saying, Bro-Yo Ma? I didn't actually play this game, but I gave it 1.5 hats out of 5 hats to keep it real.

At this point I'd like to give a shout out to my boy Dennis who was over the other day. We were going to chill in front of The Dark Knight and he was so psyched of it y'all.

So this one time he was leaning against the screen door and the shit popped open, and the back deck was wet and he slipped down the steps and broke his thumb on the lawn. It wasn't a long fall, but hey I guess a thumb bone wasn't made for supporting the brunt of a huge useless tool against wet grass. We never did watch Dark Knight on account of Ron truck- ing his bawling candy-ass girth to the hospital.

But it's cool, I still got another watch in me, Brotel Rwanda.

BRO-NOTES : Dennis was so wasted, ha ha. I mean damn.

Rating for : SBURB [*] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]

John: Captchalogue GameBro. 17/04/09

It might come in handy if you ever need something that burns easily. John: Captchalogue magician's hat. 18/04/09

You expend your final card on the MAGICIAN'S HAT. John: Get funny glasses too. 18/04/09

You don't have a free card in your SYLLADEX!

However, you are able to MERGE the BEAGLE PUSS with the MAGICIAN'S HAT to create a CLEVER DISGUISE. John: Wear disguise to fool dad. 18/04/09

John? Who is this "John" you speak of? You are quite certain there has never been, nor ever will be…

Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise.

While you are wearing the items, they remain on the card, but it is temporarily removed from the deck, thus freeing up the cards beneath it. John: Leave room. 18/04/09

You exit into the HALLWAY.

On one wall hangs a picture of a fella who sure knows how to have a laugh, a man after your own heart. You always thought he looked a lot like Michael Cera. But your DAD swears on the many HALLOWED TOMBS of Egypt that it is not. You're not sure about that though.

On the other wall is one of your DAD'S stupid clowns. Or HARLEQUINS, as he is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption. John: Go downstairs. 18/04/09

The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. Something is brewing in the KITCHEN. It must be the connivings of your arch nemesis, BETTY CROCKER, and the rich, buttery aroma of her plot stinks to high heaven.

This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined. John: Admire harlequins. 18/04/09

You check out the shelves of FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.

Look at this fucking garbage. You hate this stuff. Funny is funny, but your DAD sure can be a real cornball.

Sometimes at night you pray for burglars. John: Examine fireplace. 18/04/09

A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE. It doesn't matter that it's April and not terribly chilly outside. In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception.

As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays.

"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain

You are almost certain Mark Twain said that. John: Toss GameBro into fire. 18/04/09

It doesn't burn as quickly as you hoped.

Each GAMEBRO MAGAZINE is guaranteed to be printed on 40% recycled asbestos. For big ups to Mother Earth, yo. John: Fondly regard cremation. 18/04/09

You examine the SACRED URN containing your departed NANNA'S ASHES.

When your father gives her portrait a wistful glance now and then, you can tell it brings back painful memories. A tall bookshelf. A ladder. An unabridged COLONEL SASSACRE'S.

He never wants to talk about it. John: Topple urn. 18/04/09

You clumsily mishandle the SACRED URN. Ash is everywhere.

In retrospect, upon mulling cinematic tropes regarding ash-filled urns, this outcome was a virtual certainty.

You'd probably better clean it up before DAD finds it. John: Combine father's pipe with clever disguise. 18/04/09

You think now would be a good time to beef up your CLEVER DISGUISE. John: Examine oversized gift. 18/04/09

CHAMP.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Contemplating what could be inside this package is sort of exciting, but it makes you a little nervous at the same time. John: Open large present. 18/04/09

Oh hell no. John: Captchalogue ashes. 19/04/09

First you prop the HARLEQUIN DOLL up on the couch. Having it in the middle of the floor sprawled out all akimbo like that struck you as unseemly.

You captchalogue the ASHES to your available card. John: Combine ashes with urn. 19/04/09

You merge the SACRED URN with the ASHES.

Most of the ASH is back in the URN, but it's a total mess. Really it probably would have been tidier if you just used a broom and dustpan. John: Put urn back. 19/04/09

No one will be the wiser.

Except maybe for people with eyes. John: Go get fake arms again. 19/04/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

You just got another BRILLIANT idea for something to do with those pointless arms. You pry them out of the CAKE and captchalogue them.

Looks like PESTERCHUM is acting up again. John: Examine 3rd and 4th walls of room. 19/04/09 John: Check Pesterchum. 19/04/09

☺ tentacleTh…

Another one of your chums is messaging you. John: Check message. 19/04/09

:: tentacleTherapist :: PESTERLOG : -- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:26 --

TT: I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine.

TT: I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine. EB: that's an ugly rumor. EB: whoever told you that is a filthy liar. EB: and you should probably stop hitting on him all the time or whatever. TT: I can't control myself. TT: I must have a weakness for insufferable pricks. EB: anyway i still haven't checked the mail, my dad has it. EB: i'm trying to go get it from him, so brb TT: John. EB: what? TT: You're wearing one of your disguises now, aren't you? TT: You are typing to me right now while wearing something ridiculous. EB: no, why would you even think that?? EB: that's so stupid. TT: Ok. TT: Why don't you go get the game from your father? EB: alright, wish me luck. EB: oh, btw… EB: jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. EB: gotcha! hehehehe TT: I know, John. John: Go back downstairs. 19/04/09

You can now execute that brilliant idea you had.

There should be just enough FROSTING on the FAKE ARMS to serve as an adequate adhesive. John: Attach arms to doll. 19/04/09

Hehehehehehehehe.

You don't care what COLONEL SASSACRE says, that makes it AT LEAST a million percent funnier. John: Inspect burnt paper on the floor. 20/04/09

BROBLERONE

(ADVERTISEMENT)

You put this back in the fire where it belongs. John: Throw present wrap in fire. 20/04/09

As long as you're cleaning up… John: Captchalogue doll. 20/04/09

You can carry hefty items, but that thing is just way too big. Get real!

Besides, you don't even want it. John: Read Colonel Sassacre's text. 20/04/09

COLONEL

FROM GEO SOULEGEL(?)

3? & 40 CENTRE ST, NEW YORK No 2078 INS. $20.00 per 1000 net 5? 5th AVE. CHICAGO, ILL No 2079 OUTS. 0.00

ALSO BLANK

THE CREEPY-CRAWLIES!

Hell's bells, we are having a mighty sporting time of it!

Hold fast my intrepid fellow prank- smiths! We've merely nicked the mahogany of our japing chests.

If I may direct the incisive ogle of your beagle puss to the wriggling regency of rubber bugs, plastic parasites, squirming serpents, pliable pests, and every such order and phyla of creepy-crawlie!

Land sakes alive, we are cooking with petrol now!

In further exhibits we shall dwell on artifice useful to your exploits. Is your pappy's rod and reel handy? What about a bit of iron cord; it shouldn't prove elusive. Bring those wriggling rascals to life, and set the nerves of some old maid to the wreck of Hesperus!

Do you have a bothersome aunt who never seems troubled to find ways with your sunny afternoon hours? A board, splintery fence - a bucket of whitewash perhaps?

By gum you'll fix her wagon!

And what of that tawny gent who puts his lackadaisical lean near the sarsaparilla font? You'll have that listless octoroon find the spring in his step just yet!

You thought about consulting the text to determine exactly how hilarious the doll is now.

But this text is way too big to navigate in a timely fashion. You decide to forget it. John: Find dad and retrieve mail. 20/04/09

The door on the left leads to the KITCHEN, from which the smell of baking wafts -- a powerful aroma which could lift an especially portly hobo off his feet.

The door on the right leads to the STUDY, where your DAD spends a lot of time.

He could be in either room. Where will you go? John: Go in the study. 21/04/09

It doesn't look like he's in here right now. John: Examine father's desk. 21/04/09

THE SERIOUS JESTER

On the desk is a DECK OF PLAYING CARDS, one of your DAD'S PIPES, the April issue of THE SERIOUS JESTER magazine, and a stray CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.

There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon.

A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with. John: Upgrade costume with hat from hat rack. 21/04/09

You swap the MAGICIAN'S HAT with the BOWLER HAT.

This disguise is somewhat less funny, but A LOT more distinguished looking. John: Combine second pipe with clever disguise. 21/04/09

Your DAD maintains numerous pipes around the household. A father without a pipe is like a strapping roughneck without a toothpick. That is to say, HE IS A RATHER PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A ROUGHNECK IF YOU ASK ME.

You'd rather not take the PIPE, though. The first one tastes bad enough as it is.

How you suffer for your comedy. John: Examine captchalogue card. 21/04/09

THE SERIOUS JESTER

Yes!!! This will be perfect for expanding the space in your SYLLA… John: Captchalogue captchalogue card. 21/04/09

ARGH!!! [S] John: Play haunting piano refrain. 21/04/09

(Pages including sound will be preceded by [S] in the command.) John: Play 52 Pick-Up. 22/04/09

You play the prankster's favorite card game, even though you are alone in the room, thus rendering it an especially foolish version of Solitaire.

SO STUPID. Look at this mess.

The peanut gallery over there sure is getting a kick out of it. You are allergic to their scorn. John: Attempt to leave the house. 22/04/09

Hi-C ECTO COOLER

You go back into the LIVING ROOM and contemplate checking the mailbox outside. You think perhaps you should exhaust all possibilities before plunging headlong into a DAD encounter.

Your TELEVISION is currently airing a COMMERCIAL. John: Exit. 23/04/09

You exit the house. John: Check mail. 23/04/09

Predictably, the mailbox is empty. You have already been scooped by your father. [S] ==> 24/04/09

HOMESTUCK

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day. ==> 24/04/09 John: Leave a surprise for the mailman. 24/04/09

N…

No! John: See if your father left the mail in the car. 24/04/09

The door is locked and your DAD has the CAR KEYS. You peer in through the driver's side window.

You don't see any mail, but you do see a GREEN PACKAGE. There is also something underneath it that looks like a slip of paper.

Could these items have come in the mail? You don't see anything else that's usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe your DAD forgot to take this stuff inside. John: Spy in the kitchen. 24/04/09

You try to get a gander through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but you can't see a whole lot! It seems your DAD has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up.

God he is so weird.

But you can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, your DAD'S PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be???

Unfortunately, the window is locked. John: Go back into the kitchen. 24/04/09

You have no other choice. You are going in.

CLEVER DISGUISE, it's time to work your magic. [S] John: Enter. 27/04/09 ==> 27/04/09

JOHN: !

Your DAD sees right through your costume! You don't know what you were even thinking with this foolish ruse!!!

You unequip the CLEVER DISGUISE. Your DAD wields a dreaded ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION. He stands between you and the mail.

There is only one way to settle this. [S] STRIFE! 28/04/09

STRIFE!

AGGRIEVE: AUTO-PASTRY! ABJURE: GUARDIAN RUBRIC: CODDLEBRAND DOTESMITE!

John: Retrieve the package and flee to your room! 29/04/09

ABSCOND

You cannot ABSCOND! This pesky GUARDIAN is blocking your path! You will need to engineer some sort of distraction.

And now he brandishes yet another ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION! The man is ruthless.

You'd better brace for impact in the most comedically striking fashion possible. John: Equip disguise for defense. 29/04/09

BEAGLE AEGIS

The BEAGLE AEGIS absorbs the brunt of the treat. Looks like DAD will enjoy the prankster's gambit on that exchange, as is usually the case. John: Captachalogue pie tin. 29/04/09

You take PIE TIN and unequip the BEAGLE PUSS.

Everything in your SYLLADEX is pushed back a card. The SMOKE PELLETS are ejected from the deck.

Yes! This could be just the distraction you were… ==> 29/04/09

Nothing happens.

What a huge letdown. John: Take the cake! 29/04/09

AGGRIEVE ABJURE [> ACCEDE] ABSCOND

"When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde

Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation.

The CAKE forces COLONEL SASSACRE'S TEXT out of your SYLLADEX. ==> 29/04/09

Sassacre you beautiful bastard.

Now's your chance!!! John: Abscond. 30/04/09

Now that DAD is busy placating the SMOKE DETECTOR, you can safely sneak away. John: Take PDA. 30/04/09

You snag your DAD'S PDA. Maybe later you'll switch the background image to something hilarious as a prank. Besides, it may come in handy later.

Your spare CAPTCHALOGUE CARD is forced out of the SYLLADEX, and consequently integrated with the deck. You now have five cards to work with. John: Take package. 30/04/09

This RED PACKAGE is addressed to you. John: Take envelope. 30/04/09

You got the SBURB BETA!!! John: Exit kitchen. 30/04/09 John: Get cake on couch. 01/05/09

You captchalogue the CAKE on the couch, expelling the PIE TIN from the bottom card. John: Combine the cakes to make a double decker cake. 01/05/09

You then merge the two CAKES across all five cards.

Everything in your SYLLADEX is smushed between the CAKES. Why don't you think these things through first?? John: Retreat upstairs! 02/05/09

You pause at the juncture and head down the hall. You are going to need something to clean up the mess you are about to make by dissecting this CAKE.

To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your DAD'S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. He has secrets. John: Go to bathroom and grab a towel. 02/05/09

You enter the BATHROOM. You can see your BACK YARD from the window. The jewel in its crown is the SWING SET which has provided you with years of joy. There is also a SPRING-MOUNTED POGO-RIDE, which has been responsible for more than one painful injury, and has provided you with years of lament.

On the sink is your DAD'S RAZOR. On the rack to the side is a FRESH TOWEL. John: Remove PDA, envelope and package from cake. 02/05/09

You take the RAZOR and use it to perform surgery on the CAKE.

You take the TOWEL and clean off the extracted goods. John: Retrieve your items. 02/05/09

The items force the MANHANDLED CAKE into the TOILET.

And just like that, your SYLLADEX is full again. God this thing is annoying. John: Go to bedroom. 02/05/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪ Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

John: Admire "Failure to Launch" poster. 03/05/09

Jodie Fo… Matthew McConaug…

A TIME TO KILL

matthew mcconaughey sarah jessica parker failure to launch

You're not usually into chick-flicks, but Matthew McConaughey's cool charisma could salvage any heap of smoldering wreckage.

This is your "McConaughey Wall", a casual shrine to an amazing actor. The film above that one is a lot better, you think.

CAN YOU SEE HER? I WANT YOU TO PICTURE THAT LITTLE GIRL. [chokes up] NOW IMAGINE SHE'S WHITE.

You got us Matthew! Your smooth talking exposed our latent racism! Damn you are good! [S] John: Check Pesterchum. 03/05/09

☺ gardenGno… ☺ turntechGo…

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:34 --

GG: hi happy birthday john!!!!! <3 GG: helloooooo?? GG: ok i will talk to you later!!! :D

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:56 --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:40 --

TG: hey GG is looking for you why are you even so popular all of a sudden TG: is today some sort of special occasion or something TG: did you do something to curry favor with ladies TG: did you break your leg on a puppy or some shit TG: dude what are you doing -- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! -- EB: i discovered a comet that is going to destroy the earth, and it was named after me. EB: now i am famous, and everyone wants to talk to me a lot. TG: no stop TG: just no TG: dont talk about your awful stupid movies or make references to them TG: your gross man-bro crush on matt macconahay is an unsavory thing to behold EB: mcconaughey. TG: sounds like a noise a horse would make TG: ie dumb TG: equally dumb are all those pictures of that clown youve got hanging up EB: those are my dad's. TG: i was talking about nick cage EB: oh, what?! no man, cage is sweet. so sweet. TG: ha ha so lame TG: you dont even like him ironically or anything this is like for real isnt it TG: hahaha EB: i do things ironically sometimes. EB: what about what i sent you for your birthday? TG: no those are awesome EB: what? no, they're stupid, which was the joke. the IRONIC joke. get it? EB: wait… EB: you're actually wearing them, aren't you? TG: im wearing them ironically TG: because theyre awesome TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome TG: and vice versa TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen EB: you do realize they touched stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. TG: ew yeah TG: oh well TG: anyway speaking of which TG: did you get the mail EB: yeah. TG: did there happen to be a package there EB: yeah, there's a big red one. TG: you should probably open it EB: i would, but it's trapped under the sburb beta, so i will probably open it after i install the beta. TG: oh man the beta came EB: yeah! wanna play it? TG: haha no way EB: why not! TG: it sounds so HELLS of boring just get TT to play it she is all about that EB: where'd she go. TG: her internet is blinking in and out i guess TG: probably be back online soon TG: oh and christ in a sidecar are you still using the stack modus??? TG: seriously dude TG: you need to BONE UP on your data structures that shit is just ridiculous EB: ok, i will. John: Open browser and go to mspaintadventures.com 04/05/09

TYPHEUS BOOKMARKS ▸ ADDRESS : http://www.mspaintadventures.com GO!

MS MAP | LOG | SEARCH | FAQ || SAVE | LOAD || SHOP | EXTRAS || FORUMS | CONTACT | ANDREW

MSPAINT ADVENTURES

You decide to space out on the computer for a while before doing anything important.

You open the TYPHEUS web browser and direct it to what is indisputably the most amazing website ever created. ==> 04/05/09

ADDRESS : http://www.mspaintadventures.com?s=3

MSPAINT ADVENTURES

Midnight Crew

You are members of a sinister gang called the Midnight Crew. Your nefarious plots are serpentine in their complexity. Your schemes, convoluted. You are planning a heist in your underground hideout.

What will you do?

The new adventure is ok, but you're not sure if you like it as much as the last one. John: Install the Sburb beta. 05/05/09

You decide it's time for less meta, and more beta.

You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA. ==> 05/05/09

SBURB CLIENT

SBURB version 0.0.1

© SKAIANET SYSTEM INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB client is running.

Waiting for server to establish connection…

What the fuck is this. John: Bone up on data structures. 05/05/09

DATA STRUCTURES

discrete mathematics

^CAKE

~ath

DIS*

AUTOMATA

You go to your CLOSET, where you keep a lot of clothes and an array of handy COMPUTER PROGRAMMING GUIDES. John: Read Data Structures book. 05/05/09

"I think my rage just crapped its pants" -FUNNYUNCLE

DATA STRUCTURES for ASSHOLES By Buckminster Funnyuncle

Your ignorance just made me throw up a little. Get a clue, you computer-illiterate piece of shit.

FREE FETCH MODUS IN BACK!!!

You're not sure you really want to dig into this huge tome. It looks really boring. And kind of ornery.

Maybe you'll just check out that free modus instead. John: Get free Fetch Modus. 05/05/09

fetch modus FIFO queue

You turn to the back inside cover, where a free FETCH MODUS is included in a plastic sleeve.

This one is dictated by the logic of a QUEUE DATA STRUCTURE, operating on a "First In, First Out" method, rather than a "First In, Last Out" method of a STACK. John: Apply Fetch Modus to Sylladex. 05/05/09

Items captchalogued in your SYLLADEX are no longer immediately accessible. You can only use the item on the bottom card, and must wait for items on upper cards to be pushed back to it.

For instance, the RED PACKAGE is now inaccessible. You can only use the RAZOR at the moment.

This modus doesn't strike you as a significant upgrade to your previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. You figure you might as well give it a chance though. John: Switch back to Stack Modus. 06/05/09

? fetch modus ? FILO stack ?

You suddenly wonder if this is even possible. You don't even remember if you ever had a physical card for the STACK MODUS.

You find this all to be a little abstract and you'd prefer not to think about it too much. John: Put down razor. 06/05/09

Put it…

Down?

…

You're not quite sure you understand. John: Pick up two items. 06/05/09

You captchalogue one of the CAKES.

You've finally found a use for all these loitering pastries: DEAD WEIGHT. John: Get other cake. 06/05/09

matthew mcconaughey sarah jessica parker failure to launch

The second CAKE causes the RAZOR to launch out the front of your SYLLADEX.

Oh good lord.

THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.

You wish the RAZOR would have failed to launch. John: Get more stuff. 06/05/09

You open your MAGIC CHEST and captchalogue one of your favorite books of all time, WISE GUY BY MIKE CAVENEY.

There goes the FRESH TOWEL. John: Might as well grab those cuffs. 06/05/09

You take the TRICK HANDCUFFS, expelling the PDA like a bullet. ==> 06/05/09

Oh God dammit. John: Open up that package! 07/05/09

TO : EB FROM : TG

You examine the package. It is from one of your internet chums.

It's bound in packing tape though. You'll need something sharp to open it.

Ah, of course! The RAZOR! It's all so simple, you wonder why you didn't… John: Get razor. 07/05/09

BONK

John: Pick up package again. 07/05/09

Let's take this from the top. John: Captchalogue glass shards. 07/05/09

CRASH

You take three GLASS SHARDS in quick succession and duck for cover.

Your SYLLADEX rains devastation on your room from above.

And now that your cards are packed with glass, you probably don't want to do that again any time soon. ==> 07/05/09

You should probably go get that stuff before you forget. John: Use the razor on the red package. 08/05/09

You open the package. There is something suspicious inside.

Something suspiciously dirty and smelly. ==> 08/05/09

It is a STUFFED BUNNY. Much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man.

But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY.

This is so awesome. John: Check status of Sburb beta. 08/05/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪ Alert : (Sburb-logo)

It looks like your computer is trying to get your attention. John: Look at monitor. 09/05/09

SBURB CLIENT

SBURB version 0.0.1

Ⓒ SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB client is running.

A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you.

Client has established connection with host.

Press [ENTER] when ready.

_

[☺ tentacleT…]

John: Check Pesterchum window. 09/05/09

::tentacleTherapist::

PESTERLOG

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 --

TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent. TT: I'm going to try to connect.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 --

TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent. TT: I'm going to try to connect. EB: whoa ok but i just got the most awesome present. TT: The rabbit? EB: SO SWEET. TT: I've heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now. EB: ha ha, what? TT: Why don't we focus on the matter at hand? EB: oh the game, ok. EB: i don't really know how this works. what am i even looking at here? TT: You are running the client application. I am running the server, so I am the host user. I have established a connection with you. This is sufficient for us to play the game. EB: oh, ok then. TT: Why don't we get started? John: Press [ENTER] 09/05/09 [S] ==> 09/05/09

WHO ARE YOU. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU. FUCKING SHOW YOURSELF RIGHT NOW

[shut-up-rabert]

Case happened on may 4th, in the infancy of violence. Needless to say it was pre planned.

FIR was sought on may 18, much after the time limit to prove rape hence a case for gang rape could not have been made. Sadly, Fair enough.

FIR was FILED on june 21, a fucking month after it was supposed to.

The culprits were caught on july 20, hours after the PM’s redressal.

The victim says the police handed them over.

So yes, frankly put, agar CM sahab pe pressure na banta to ye log saari umar khule ghum rahe hote🙃

“But Zoe there was violence everywhere how could they have gone after this case in particular” I know, believe me I fucking do. But here’s the thing; if we single out this case from the rest of the chaos happening simultaneously, the criminals were apprehended in hours even though they had months before Modi’s redressal.

They knew the criminals here, an FIR was registered, the victims and culprits were right there. Even if the police or government could not figure out thousands of other cases simultaneously, they had the direction for this one. They knew what to do and chose not to. There’s the difference.

[jekyllnahyena]

Haunted by thoughts because I somehow need to put together that I think Soap is extremely fucking smart and perspective while also getting blindsided by Reg and Ghost confessing because all three are stubborn af and weird weird weird and I pretty much need to write out the whole story in short form for that to work and uuuuuurggghhhh. Fuck it, here goes (I’ll jumo a bit between from who’s point of view this thing goes, so be warned by 3 pages of confusing rambling):

Ok, so, Reg and Soap have strung up a friendship pretty fast, mostly because Soap is just. Fucking great and she quietly followed him like a lost puppy (from her perspective. For others it felt more like he suddenly had a bear prowling behind him) when she first joined the team and he showed her around and his jokes got her to crack and he now makes it a point of trying to get her to open up. And he does! She talks more because she’s comfortable, shows more of her humor and emotions and he delights in having done that and she delights in having a friend that makes her feel so comfortable with herself. He doesn't get the full picture, not yet, but he comes pretty fucking close to it. He learns of the loss of her parents, of her rarely used apartment and how often she actually just hides from people because it’s too much and usually the small smile she puts on in social gatherings is a facade. 

But despite Soap’s usual modi operandi of flirting with pretty much anything in walking distance (not even going into the fact that he thinks that Reg is cute but also hot because she’ll bury her face in his shoulders when she’s embarrassed but can also bench press 120 kg thx), it becomes a very rare occurrence with her. Mostly because when he does, she'll stare at him and turn quiet and for the longest time he thought it was because he made her uncomfortable. But no, Reg's brain simply stopped working, and when she doesn't know how to react/respond, she'll go quiet and fucking stare. It's why people think she's so serious and slightly terrifying. She can be, yes, but a good 50 percent of the time she's just unsure on what to do so she doesn't do anything and somehow that translated to her being known as someone not to fuck with. In truth, she’s just awkward af.

But you go and decipher that from the 1,94 cm stone faced behemoth of a woman. 

So Soap stops and though he gets very good at reading her and she gets more comfortable with expressing her emotions around him, their attraction isn't something either of them is willing to act on, at least not with each other. Soap because he thinks she's not interested and has come to value their friendship too much to ever think about asking her out, Reg because Soap is one of her first real friends that she feels comfortable and safe with in ages and she can only imagine something stable and long term with him but has no fucking clue on how to broach that because her way of communicating is either not to, or just blurt out what’s on her mind. 

(The whole thing is kinda funny because both are very much sexually active, though they’re on the side of hook ups and Reg herself usually makes it a point of not being emotionally attached to the person she's sleeping with. She's lost her ex partner before and the experience still haunts her. So nowadays she'll try and flirt a bit, yes, but mostly simply ask if someone’s down for a one night stand.) 

Enter Ghost. Reg and Ghost, from the moment they laid eyes on each other, had a weird same wavelength thing. Both have lost everyone, both have been on the field for about the same amount of years, both are heavily scarred by it and have found weird coping mechanisms that keep them working but create issues with living outside of it. At least at that point in life. (shit got dark for them and their mental states) And both have earned a reputation of being terrifying. Regard, the solo operator, the eyes, the stare that sees in and through you (sometimes because people don't realize that's just what she does), Ghost being the most terrifying mofo u can encounter and when u do, it's already too late. 

Which is why Reg was so furious when Ghost told her to pull back from that mission, she thought they had this understanding and he completely disrespected her there (in her opinion). She may not be prideful of who she is outside her work, but her reputation holds true. She is terrifying, she does see it all, she is an absolute behemoth and force on the field and it's the one thing you cannot take away from her (she's the one that clings the most to her 'purpose' in the military. Not necessarily because she believes in the cause, but because it’s what makes her nowadays. She has no family to return to, she has no simple life outside of things. Her work is her life and yes, that is exactly as terrible as it sounds.) It’s why she really, really doesn't want to fuck shit up with Soap. Because despite having found their friendship within their work, she thinks of him as one of her, if not the, closest friend. 

And Ghost? He himself has kept himself so much in check when it comes to his feelings. Whatever anyone says, Ghost is the one with a massive crush, but he believes himself to be too hard to be loved, at least by someone like Johnny that has so much to give. A big part of him simply fears he’d bind him down and inevitably hurt him. (which isn’t true, you’re being a fucking dumbass, go to therapy) 

But with Regard it’s easier. They’re both honest from the start. It’s much more in line with what she usually does too. They don’t really beat around the bush after the first confrontation because the fight gave Regard the biggest revelation: Ghost cares. A lot more than he wants to show. 

And exactly that makes her so comfortable with going with him, what manages to catch her attention and endear him so much to her. It’s why she asks him to join her going to the med bay. Whereas he realized how much more she’s already worked him out and that he really cannot hide from her eyes and stare. (unlike Johnny she’d never question if Ghost would try and get her. She sees his patterns because they’re hers too) And because Regard will simply say whatever comes to mind because why bother hide from a person that had her clocked from the start, she just straight up asks if this will be something regular for them to do. And Ghost says yes because where the hell would be the harm? It’s nice, having someone there that understands, that knows what the silences and weird behavior mean, that you can find solace in because neither of them really have anywhere else to return to.  

So (returning back to Reg’s point of view here).

Whereas Soap feels fuzzy and like the sun, Ghost simply. Clicks. Like a place you never had but somehow still know. There's very little blushing involved here, but a coming together of two people that quickly saw the other person for who they are and found comfort in just that. And because they do, they don't shy away from the ugly side of the other. Reg doesn't hide her panic attacks and dissociative episodes from him, because he understands why she has them and how to act. Ghost lets Reg stay with him after his night terrors because she's there, she has them too, he'll do the same for her. Something something, people of misty mornings and cigarettes and all that. And though it starts as simple understanding and comfort and silent support, they end up offering their whole being because neither of them thinks it's much anyway, so let’s give it to the person that understands that.

And then the wildest shit happens.

Because they’re both so willing to go all in with each other, they end up being warm. and safe. and fuzzy. Reg only realized exactly how deep her feelings run when Ghost woke her up one morning with a cup of coffee, already dressed and asking her what she wants for breakfast cause he's going to the baker. That's the moment she knows that this isn’t just finding comfort and understanding, but that she’s in goddamn love. And it's mutual because one day Regard asks if he wants help with cutting his hair back to regular, she can do that no problem and he says yes and he watches her in the mirror while she sings along to Earth Wind n Fire and something in him goes very still that moment. 

They somehow managed to create a soft, little domestic thing that neither absolutely ever thought possible, not with them, not with the lives they lead and what that had done to them. But here it is and now? Now Ghost helps Reg with wash day and she gets him new nail polish and they realize they're in love with each other and holy shit. Holy shit, they just proved they can do that and not fuck it up. Yes, it's difficult and they're relearning a lot of stuff about communication and letting others care for you and how to not be terrified of having someone this fucking close again, but they did it. They don’t even get to do the whole ‘noooooo, I’ll push u away because ur close’ because they’re too amazed that they somehow managed to have a healthy and loving relationship that makes both of them happy without either of them noticing. And it's because they realize that they can do it that the idea pops up of having Johnny too. 

They both know that the other is in love with Johnny. It was fairly simple tbh. Ghost asked her why she lets Johnny carry her around bridal style for shits and giggles whereas she responds with at least ‘I’m not trying to woo him with bad puns’. (“You love my puns.””Doesn’t mean they’re good.”) and they both stare at each other for about three seconds and go, ahhhhh fuck. We’re pretty hopeless. Damn :/

But then they see that they can in fact make shit work and fuck fuck fuck, Johnny. Queue to these two idiots trying to do a terrible sort of investigation whether Johnny likes one or maybe even the both of them, which basically means you get two absolutely unhinged weirdos trying to flirt with their crush. They can flirt with others (at least Ghost can, I see you ‘I love kentucky’), but there’s stakes now goddamnit. It mostly means that they stare weirdly from across the room and check for him obsessively and offer a spar every single chance they can. They’re bad at this, please don’t judge them (actually yeah, do. it’s hilarious)

Anyway, Soap during this whole ordeal has noticed the moment Ghost and Reg started their. Something. and decided to pull back. Because he thinks it’s the right thing to do. Because he watches Ghost look at Reg a bit more softly, pressing his foot against hers when she stares at the poor lad across from her during a meeting because she doesn’t know how to handle other’s right now and he grounds her with the simple move. And he sees Reg nudge Ghost’s shoulder, not saying anything as she checks up on him because an old wound twinged and he closes his eyes before giving an almost non existent nod. And both feel more grounded in a way that Johnny didn’t manage and it fucking hurts, ngl, but he’s happy for them, because he loves both of them and he wants them to have that. Tears at his skin that it’s not him, but what can he do? (Talk, Johnny. That’s what you do) And because he’s one stubborn motherfucker, the idea burns itself into his skull. ‘They’re happy, leave them alone, they’re happy, leave them alone, they’re happy, leave them alone-’ 

So now you have Johnny, absolutely refusing to see any signs that he normally would pick up in an instant because he attributes most of their weird behavior to the fact that they now have each other and are changing a bit apparently. Which, true, but not in the way you’re thinking my dude. And the other two, one that usually just  fucking shuts off when too many emotions are involved and has the emotional delicacy of an elephant, and one that has so many emotions that he tends to simply ignore them in favour of creating almost another persona in favour of caring for himself and neither of them knows how to handle an honest to god crush that they actively wanna try and make into a relationship (they’re so weird. so, so weird. love that for them)

Which is how they end up with the whole bar confession, because they’re both done, have tried their ‘subtle’ ways of showing affection and gauging what Soap’s feelings on them are and after coming to the very logical conclusion, well, he thinks we’re hot and he likes us both and that is something right? They just go and confront him. (liquid courage is a hell of a booster btw)

and all that is to say, I think Johnny is very, very smart and perspective. But he’s also hurt and stubborn and refuses to see any signs because he doesn’t wanna get his hopes up because he thinks it’s delusional and they just managed to find someone that makes them happy, right? While the other two only now realize that they can in fact have working relationships and be loved and safe but how do we communicate that we also want that with you and maybe therapy isn’t such a bad idea, huh?

All three are very smart. But they’re also very dumb, weird and have terrible ideas of wooing another person because all three are a good bit unhinged and they’re weird, weird weird weird but it all turns out well.

[tranquilspot]

Examine Room.

[This is a rewriting of a post that has been sadly deleted, as such this version will be different and modified since I only recall the broad outlines]

This ‘young man’ is now officially John, and the tags will reflect the name change from now on. Both for convenience and non-spoil policy in case new readers happen to come across this blog.

Aaah~ The all-caps words, it’s been pinned down as a Homestuck thing. I saw a post once from someone who innocently wrote in this format. The Homestucks were on the lookout on that one x) Don’t you love it? For me it’s such a treat for my dyslexic eyes. Why can’t all writers write more like this, it’s not rocket science! Bold, italic, space between paragraphs, colors and quotes to draw the attention to the important parts. So please, no more HUGE BLOCKS OF TEXT. It’s ugly, it’s annoying, you spend 5 minutes on a paragraph cause you were reading in diagonal then went back as you didn’t (mis)understand the whole thing and read several times the same sentence/word until you finally get something. And now your head hurts/you’re irritated. Anyway, back to Homestuck proper.

Who the fuck has cakes in their room, hell SEVERAL CAKES with cream and all dripping on the furniture?! Yes I get it, I too like to bring snacks to eat in front of the computer but dude It’ll attract ants! DAD might be a better guardian than the others, but you can’t deny that behavior and parental choice wise there’s something off about him. Don’t get me started on having a HAMMER AND NAILS just sitting on the floor waiting for an unfortunate fool (tool hehe) to step on it. Well, we’ll get back to safety hazard a bit later.

You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.

One thing that I find interesting and just noticed is that John not being good at programming isn’t really important nor relevant, what is on the other hand is that it introduces two significant elements to the story: data structures, and ~ATH (until death). The former focusing on FETCH MODI and CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS, while the latter on VIRUSES (mobius double reacharound starting in act 5). I highly doubt that it was a foresight on Hussie’s side, taking into account the ~ATH is a Problem Sleuth reference (the symbol on the cover is the face of DEATH) and him incorporating those elements in his, at the time, brand new webcomic was a flex on their computer knowledge and skills. Still I think it’s nice to point it out, as it doubles (triples?) as a soft introduction to concepts that will follow the readers far into the adventure and even pop back in as a Chekhov's gun.

You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE

This sentence is awesome and irks me, because paranormal shit is so cool but sadly people tend to overlook it and focus on the shitty movies and magician parts.

Which is so lame! John even gave a speech about ghosts and science in Act 6 Intermission 2 that was interesting and I will definitely talk about it when we get to this conversation.

Though maybe I shouldn’t talk about stuff before they’re actually brought up by the narration? Whatever I’m my own boss, I can still develop before or when it happens. You guys tell me in the notes what you think about it.

You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

Funny how among the group of 4 friends, only John and TT have ‘play games’ mentioned in their introduction. TG plays on Xbox alone or with his Bro, GG as far as I know doesn’t own any game until SBURB came around the corner.

Perhaps it’s because the author already established that those two planned to play together. Or maybe it is pointed out by the narration because it is a relevant piece of information for establishing the plot. Or even maybe it's part of Hussie “I’ve put writing rules then soon after will discard them” hijinks. Or all of the above.

John however does own games in his disk rack, and later in the adventure plays at one of them with two of his friends. But I’ll wait and develop my thoughts on the matter when we get there (for the disk rack, very soon). —>

[wanderrghost]

Oh god, Thor’s arch in Gow:R really fucked me up. After the prologue section (and if you played 2018) you’re ready to throw down with this guy, you’ve heard nothing good about him. He was characterized as a loud, violent, and angry drunk and so when you see him you’re ready to throw hands.

But like… he just wants to talk. He’s subdued, calmly spoken, polite

It’s some serious whiplash if you went from one game right into the other.

And I’m not gonna spoil it but by the end, whereas this whole time you’ve been resting up to fight the aesir (Thor and Odin specifically) when the time actually comes… you won’t want to.

At least I didn’t want to

This is interesting I think, because I didn't play the first GoW. I started with Ragnarok because that's what my buddy had on hand at the time so I just started it first. You still get the bare bones recap of what happened in the first game but not much detail. Ergo, I didn't know how the first game had built up Thor to be.

And the first time I saw Thor, he just looked... sad. I knew Kratos had killed Magni and Modi in the first game and I knew they were Thors sons, but I didn't know all the things Thor had done to make him an antagonist yet. And watching him come in, sit down, and pour mead just made him... sad. Like a father who was sitting at the same table with the man who had murdered his kids. I felt bad for him.

I haven't gotten very far in the game (just finished rescuing Tyr), but even now I can tell I'm. Probably not gonna want to kill Thor by the end of it.

Do wanna punch Odin in the throat though. So we'll see if his character arc changes that lol

[r7-b7]

"Immigrant advocates said they will keep fighting in court to end Title 42. They said it is particularly cruel to implement it in this case since Haiti is still recovering from a recent earthquake and major political turmoil.

The ACLU's Gelernt said that the rights organization is "extremely disappointed but not shocked" by the Biden administration's decision to appeal the latest Title 42 ruling to the D.C. Circuit.

"We would have thought that the Biden administration, given how much they're talking about wanting a humane asylum system, would have at least grappled with the decision," he said.

Instead, the Biden administration is fighting in court to preserve one of the Trump administration's most hated border policies."

"The Biden administration is moving forward with a controversial plan to build a new section of the border wall in Texas. It's waiving more than two dozen federal environmental laws to add 20 miles to the barrier. And that's even though President Biden previously pledged he would not add another foot of border wall."

"For weeks after it became clear that the United States would have enough vaccines to meet domestic demand, the Biden administration refused to export its excess to poorer countries. That includes stockpiles of the Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine, which has still not been approved for use in the United States.

This policy changed in late April, after a direct phone call between Biden and Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi underscored the country’s desperate straits. But insider reporting, this time from Politico, once again suggests the White House initially overrode the relevant agencies and directly blocked vaccine exports..."

Lest not overlook Biden deporting over 2 million people under the guise of "concern for public health" because under him we ended COVID precautions very very early for what was and still is needed AND was asking your cities to give your COVID relief money to the police.

He's a racist, eugenicist, white supremacist ghoul who will burn in hell.

Don't be afraid to hold white supremacists accountable. Even the ones in blue. "Lesser evil" is still fucking evil. It's a choice to support and give your power to that particular evil.

"biden has continued trump's worst policies"

no, he has not. like. that is objectively false. biden has reversed SEVERAL of trump's worst policies, and the two disagree on almost every major issue. you are brainwashed if you believe that biden is anything like trump besides both being old white men.

[komotionlessqueenmm]

How would magni and modi handle their child being named Thor’s successor.

OMG WHY AM I ONLY JUST NOW SEEING THIS!?!?

(Sorry for the super long wait! My asks never seem to wanna work properly!)

Anyways let's get to it, shall we?

Headcanon/Preference # 13

Pictures NOT mine.

*I freaking love these two, so feel free to send me more stuff with them, and Baldur, and we'll see what I can whip up for my favorite boys. They need more love, and I need more inspiration.

| Magni |

• Magni is proud as fuck!

• I mean yeah he wanted to be his father's successor, but his daughter/son proving themselves more worthy?

• Way way way to proud of you to be upset or jealous, and he will proudly proclaim to everyone that you're his little girl/boy constantly.

• Even if you're taller than him, and even though EVERYONE already knows you're his kid!

• He would literally toss you up onto his shoulder, regardless of your size, and he'd then parade you around all of Asgard if you don't beg him to stop.

• Magni is probably the best dad you could have asked for out of all the Gods tbh.

• I mean when you were born you honestly became his number one priority, you are his everything, even more so than your own mother.

• Mama bear is the best summery to Magni as your father, but like he's so proud of everything you do, and he always encourages you to set your sights even higher.

• And what could be better than obtaining Thor's hammer?

• Whenever your uncle Modi starts acting up, your father puts him back in his place. No one and I mean no one talks ill of you.

• Modi probably even takes it so far as to challenge you, but before you even catch wind of it, or have a chance to accept or decline the offer.

• Magni beats you to it, and kicks his brothers ass. Telling him that he was doing him a favor, as you clearly would have done far worse.

• Overall he's very happy for you, and he can't wait to see you in battle with his father's hammer.

• Sometimes he'll even playfully challenge you for the hammer, but you both know he would never take what is rightfully yours.

| Modi |

• Modi is jealous as fuck!

• And he honestly wants to be angry with you, or even hate you... But he simply can't.

• You're his child, his only child. And despite his jealousy, he is proud of you.

• And he knows first hand how worthy you truly are, he's trained with you your whole life after all, he knows how powerful you've become.

• But because his jealousy is still there he acts very cold with you, which was a real change of pace, as he used to engage with you joyously.

• His resentment turns to his father, for never giving him the opportunity to prove himself.

• And when Modi notices just how fond of you Magni is, and how your uncle is often praising you for your accomplishment.

• Oh buddy.

• He gets even more jealous, and starts fights with Magni, often telling him that he should just claim you as his own instead, since he wants to "steal" you away now that you have such power.

• Magni would be happy to step in and take his place, he knows you deserve the honor of being Thor's successor, and you don't deserve the cold shoulder your father is giving you.

• But Odin and Thor both talk him out of it, they all know why Modi is acting this way, and they feel it's best to just let it resolve itself.

• In time Modi gets over his jealousy as they had suspected when he actually sees first hand just how worthy you truly are.

• He'll scold himself for being so blind, and he'll apologize to you in his own way, when he finally musters the courage.

• He is proud of you, he just couldn't see it until he let go of that jealousy.

• Not long after he's made amends with you, he's back to his old self again, being the caring upbeat father you had known your whole life.

• Magni also stops being so harsh on Modi when he realizes he's made things right with you again.

• All is right in the world, and you are far more powerful with your family at your side, than if they alienated you because if their envy.

[boyfhee]

honestly there's just something about the way that modi himself is shown in the media that rubs me the wrong way. i don't really watch indian news as i am currently leaving elsewhere but my father does and from what i notice very few media channels actually criticize modi and his bad decisions.

most of the time all i see is praise for him while anything that goes even slightly against him is rare to come across. i know that there are a few news channels that do though. and it's been like that since the first time he became pm.

i lived in india during that time and I was heavily influenced by the media/my school to view him as this ideal "perfect" pm and i don't think much has changed in that matter. like for example my 4 year old cousin has nothing to say but praise for him and it just is like super duper weird to me.

also like that anon mentioned him being very hindu nationalist it is one of the reasons that i do not like modi. not only is he super oppressive towards Muslims he is like that towards Sikhs as well. and the biggest proof i have for that is Muslim history being removed from textbooks. it may seem like that has nothing to do with Sikhs but it's the fact that Sikh history has deep roots in the Muslim rule of India.

also i do not even want to get started on the shit he has done to panjab/panjabis becasue that is so fucking much. also the ignoring of the blue star operation it has been 40 years and there is still nothing being said about it.

and when the kisan andolan was going on it was all up and in very one's face and it's still like that it's just ignored more. the way that he was acting? the way that he was treating the farmers that have been feeding indians? as someone who's family has a famer background it just added more reasons to dislike his rule.

and then there are his party members... like kangana? really? after all the shit she did and said against kisans during their protest? bjp is just super iffy vibes for me

i'm not the best with words so i don't even know if this makes sense but yeah anyways

— 🧸

the point is, there is criticism towards modi, although way less than the praise that is thrown around no one, i mean no one, addresses the actual issues. i don't think our school ever focused on politics which is my many of my friends and i were and are still so disconnected from all this. so one thing is people definitely need to talk more.

i'm not really educated enough to comment on the sikh history in india, but modi actually has oppressive behaviour towards anyone who doesn't follow hinduism. and the whole kisan andolan was such a turn off for me like, aren't these people his majority voters? it's kind of pathetic how his entire agenda revolves around giving benefits to farmers but he ignores every single issue faced by them.

and his party members ... i'm not even going to say anything. he was literally promoting a rapist it only proves that he doesn't care about anything that's happening in the country as long as he's winning.