#fuck modi though

[artcinemas]

if bjp wins the general election i might actually start doing tax evasion for reals this time

[valle-de-sombra-de-muerte]

Homestuck Reread: Act 3, Part 1/3 (p. 760-891)

Read the previous post here.

Time for the beginning of Act 3! An inauspicious start, since the Act begins with Jade's introduction.

So I guess the "reader" is still acknowledged as a thing. And they're actively attempting to manipulate Jade. I wonder how much longer this will last for.

Jade has so many interests, you guys! So many! And I'm sure each and every one of them will be relevant to her character as well!

Also, she needs reminders so she doesn't forget about the things she's interested in? What?

Why does Jade have so many variants of fetch modus when none of these will ever show up again? Actually, the whole modus system continues to be really dumb and that's probably why it's rarely mentioned in the later acts.

Jade's precognition again being treated as just a fun lil' quirk. Gosh, she's just so quirky, right fellas? So many modi, so many interests. She's just so silly and fun, right? Right???

Honest confession time. When I first read Homestuck, I had no idea that a "eureka lemon" was an actual variety of lemon. Of course I've heard of crab apples, key limes, and mandarin oranges, but it never occurred to me that a eureka lemon was also a real thing. I didn't figure this out until years later.

Wait wait wait. Hold the phone. Jade is a fan of old cartoons? When is that ever referenced again outside of the occasional mention of Squiddles (a show that isn't real)? What the fuck? John likes movies, has posters in his room, and name drops his favorites on a regular basis. Why does Jade not talk about any cartoons she likes???

Physics, gadgetry, and gardening are all shit that aren't ever mentioned again either, but I was at least aware of those things being related to her, at least on a surface level. Jade's whole thing (well, what I assume Hussie ostensibly intended to be her thing) is that she's this genius wiz kid. And her username is gardenGnostic, so of course horticulture has to be somehow related to her character. This whole cartoon thing is seriously new knowledge to me, though.

Grandpa Harley was a real renaissance man with a multitude of interests, so it's natural that Jade takes after him. The problem is that Grandpa is dead and he's less of a character than he is this mysterious symbol that Jade both admires and resents. It doesn't matter whether or not he's fleshed out, but Jade is a main character, so by necessity she must be or else she comes across as half-baked.

Jade has two pages dedicated to her interests, yet none of them are relevant to her character. She never talks to anyone else about gardening or anthros or anything like that. She doesn't use her scientific knowledge to help solve a problem. Her guns only serve the same basic combat purpose as the other kids' kind abstratus, but beyond that she isn't a gun nut.

One can point to stuff like John's interest in programming or Dave's love of photography as examples of extraneous character traits that don't ever manifest later on in the comic. But in Jade's case, it's nearly all of them. Hussie could've filled these pages with anything he wanted, but nothing would alter the existing perception of Jade being nothing more than "silly, upbeat girl who can see into the future." This is what I meant when I said earlier that she doesn't have any character to speak of. Or rather, she's just extremely shallow.

And because Jade doesn't have enough quirks already, her shirt randomly changes designs. Wow! Incredible!

These "manthro chaps" are honestly more unnerving and sexually charged than the smuppets. I don't ever see anyone reference them nearly as often, and probably for good reason. Unlike the smuppets, they're too close to resembling humans and are very uncanny. This feels like a deranged fetish thing, but it's being played off as more silly, quirky bullshit. "Slop trough" is a phrase I never want to read again.

Right. Hating furries was very much en vogue back in 2009, I'd say more so than the present. However, Hussie is going to great lengths to portray Jade as one of the "good ones." Her interest in anthros is non-sexual in nature and she does not partake in "cringe" furry activities like wearing fursuits and engaging in sexual activities with other furries. As stated before, the manthro chaps are being depicted as wholesome make believe, not in a feral/pet play context (despite the fact that that's exactly what it looks like).

This is just Hussie taking pot shots at a subculture that has historically been a very easy target for ridicule. I'm not even sure why he decided to make Jade a furry in the first place if he was going to draw lines in the sand like this. What an incredible dickhead. And since this is written from Jade's perspective, it makes her a dickhead too.

There are a few times later on where Jade comes across as rude or judgmental, coming at odds with her otherwise unflinchingly polite and optimistic disposition. Needless to say, this does little to endear her to me.

Like John, Jade also has a chest full of shit that doesn't end up mattering. Come to think of it, this whole intro sequence feels extremely drawn out, kind of like John's. John at least had the excuse of being the first character and he required a long intro in order to establish the tone and mechanics. We've gotten a good handle on things by the time we reach Rose and Dave, so their intros weren't nearly as involved. So why the fuck is Jade's taking so long? We know this whole routine, we've done it three times now. Can we get the fuck on with the story already!?

This is a really bizarre sequence of pages where the "reader" is forced to match the memory cards of Jade's modus, only to fail at it repeatedly while both Jade and Hussie judge them for it.

Man... I know it's a common fandom notion that Jade is the most neglected and underutilized of the main cast of kids, but you seriously wouldn't have guessed that based on all these early pages. She feels more like Hussie's favorite, if anything.

Every passage he seems to talk about her with affection and a total absence of snark, not like the other kids who are regarded with bemusement at best or mockery at worst when they do something foolish. Here the derision is solely focused on the reader for their apparent cluelessness, and both Hussie and Jade are on the same side. C'mon, Jade's just offering the reader to play this game and they fail because they're obviously not as smart as she is. Serves them right for that earlier, boorish suggestion that this wonderful girl might be a, gasp, disgusting fursuit-wearing degenerate!

There's something a little off about how this then-30 year old man created this 13 year old girl who's so sweet and perfect in every way, and whom he dedicates so many pages showing us every single one of her quirks and all the amazing things she has in her home. But I don't really want to dwell further on this, so I'll be moving on.

"But he does like his steak well cooked."

"He does prefer his steak rare after all."

Well, which is it??? Does he like his steak well or rare? Does Hussie not know the difference between these terms? Has he never cooked a steak before?

Dave Strider? More like Dave Simper. He is incredibly down bad. She's obviously not online, dude. Get out of her DMs. He's also facetiously engaging her with furry roleplay. God, Dave, get a clue! ERP is something only cringy furries do and as established previously, Jade is most definitely not one of those types of furries!

The Midnight Crew get their own dedicated flash. These guys sure are getting teased a lot, despite just being characters from an in-universe webcomic. I wonder what it could mean...

FINALLY we get to the Strider fight. Well, it's more like Dave vs. Cal rather than Dave vs. Bro. Not to try and crack open more Bro discourse, but the idea that people will try to equate Dave getting clowned on by a puppet with actual child abuse is absurd. I don't see how this is any different than the previous strifes John and Rose had with their parents.

FUCK it was only for one page. We're back to Jade again. You know, if I had a friend who knew whenever I was about to have an internet outage and acted all smarmy about it, I would probably stop talking to them.

"Grandpa Moreau over there on Hellmurder Island" is a good line. Thank you Rose for providing some levity to this slog of pages I've been enduring.

Another GameFAQs page, but this section is written by John for some reason. He brings up a great point about how nobody is reading these damn things. If you're some nudnik who truly gives a shit about how punch card alchemy works, oh boy do I have a page for you!

Jade dislikes hunting and it was mentioned earlier that she'd never shoot an animal. It strikes me as odd that she has such a passion for guns, but not hunting. What does she shoot then? She's a "skilled markswoman" but do we ever see a shooting range or anything to practice her skills? I can't imagine there's much else to shoot on this island aside from wildlife.

Grandpa Harley says Jade will grow up to be like the women in the photos he gets off to. I uh... I don't know how to feel about that. Other than perhaps it's for the best this old man is dead.

Wow! Who's this rude customer? What a crazy guy! Oh well, he was blocked so I don't think we'll ever see him again.

Finally at this point we take an extended reprieve from Jade. For the record, we're 99 pages into the Act. It took Rose 25 pages from her intro before the plot returned to John, and Dave 48 pages from his before turning back to Rose. (I'm not counting brief cuts to other characters for these counts, because the main focus is still on the recently introduced character). Nearly 100 pages of Jade showing off her house before going back to the plot. Augh!

Anyway, Rose actually reaches out and grabs the captcha card, which isn't something we've seen up to this point. This whole inventory system is weird, man.

I think it's all but directly stated that Mom Lalonde became an alcoholic because she has known the exact date the world was going to end. A sad detail.

Part 2 of the Strider fight ends with Bro yeeting Dave down the stairs. Again, I can't see this scene as serious representation of legitimate child abuse, especially with the fucking SBaHJ jokes at the end. The tone is so comedic and outrageous I don't understand anyone who takes it seriously.

Honestly, the earlier scenes with Dave roaming the apartment, being surrounded by weapons and sex toys, making comments of how he has difficulty accessing food, and being videotaped for Bro's fetish films paint a much better image of an abusive household than any of this strife shit. I don't want to try and argue that Bro isn't a bad guardian, because he definitely is, but there's this notion in the fandom that he does all this because he hates Dave and wants him to suffer, and I don't think that's true at all. His actions read more like neglect and carelessness, not malice.

You can make a list of all Bro's crimes, but hating his brother is not one of them.

John wins his fight against the ogres. There's an earlier page where we see him getting the tar kicked out of him (with the same over the top slapstick animations during the Dave vs. Bro fight, mind you), but it's only after Nannasprite and Rose join to help that he's able to achieve victory. He really can't do anything on his own, can he?

How about a "thank you, Rose, for beating those ogres for me"? Dickhead.

No "thank you" for Nannasprite, either. Instead he asks her to carry him to the gate, since he already knows Rose can't do it. This kid really sucks.

Now that I'm a third of the way done with Act 3, I have to say Jade is some honest to god Mary Sue shit. I don't like using that term because it's been misused to the point of uselessness, but come on. Compare Jade to the three previous kids and tell me that this girl isn't the most ridiculous character in this lineup.

We have John, the goofy cornball that likes pranks and watching bad movies; Rose, the smug pseud that likes the occult and writing lousy fiction; Dave, the aloof hipster that likes rapping and making shitty comics; and Jade, the genius manic pixie furry girl with a randomly changing wardrobe that can see into the future, lives on a private island full of crazy hi-tech gadgets, was raised by a radioactive dog, and likes physics, gardening, sharpshooting, bass guitar, and inventing.

Fuck me. If I was DM for a DnD session and someone submitted a character sheet like that against three normal ones, I'd tell them to leave. Why can't she just be a normal kid like the others? It's all so jarring!

Suddenly I'm wishing I was back reading Act 1 again.

Read the next post here.

[smokescreenstuff]

Characters that share the same voice as Smokescreen!

(That I personally find interesting)

- Deadpool (No, not Ryan Reynolds. Though hearing him voice Smokescreen would be funny.)

- Fish from Cat and The Hat Movie (I forgot he had a voice)

- Hades in God of War (O.O I'm just scrolling through his voices, but imma have to look into this one)

- Hank Pym (This is from 2006, so not too recent)

- Ghost Rider in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (another voice I want to hear)

- TMNT 2007 Raphael (This was a video game, but still cool as heck)

- Nathan Drake (I saw the Uncharted movie, it was cool. He probably sounds really cool in the game)

- Goldar (In a power rangers video game? I grew up on power rangers)

- Desmond Miles (Don't know much about Assassin's Creed, but I think he's an important character)

- Sideswipe (Transformer: Rise of the Fallen)

- Stoick (How to train your dragon video game, and other media)

- Brawl (Transformers: War for Cybertron)

- The Penguin (Batman video games)

- David from The Last of Us (I feel like Smokescreen would be horrified)

- Skylynx (From the same continuity as Smokescreen. The giant Predacon shares Smokescreen's voice. They need to talk.)

- The Kraang (2013 TMNT)

- Superboy (Don't know much, but I can see Smokescreen being Superman's kid)

- Engineer (TF2 short, Expiration Date. TF2 is really funny)

- Green Goblin (Video game. Is the voice actor good at deep, creepy voices? That would be scary if Smokescreen talked like that)

- Leonardo, Shedder, Splinter (He voices a lot of TMNT characters, this is in a video game btw)

- Tony Stark (In a some games... And Fortnight)

- Ghost (Destiny seems like a cool game)

- Metroplex (Transformers: Titans Return)

- Chrome Dome (Transf- wait... What do you mean this is another TMNT character?)

- Modi (God of War, guess there's more than one. Is Modi the head?)

- Asmodeus in Scooby-Doo (Isn't he the devil of lust or something?)

- He's background characters in ROTTMNT...

- Superman (A few different media)

- Joker (Scooby-Doo and Krypto too)

- Swindle (Transformers: Earthspark)

That's a lot of voices...

EDIT: Well fuck... He's really good at terrifying. Smokescreen would be a very scary villain just with his voice alone.

[modusappraiser]

Greetings. My modus disassembles items I have captcha'd into a "pool" of (mostly generalized, few specialized) parts. I have to reassemble the item I want correctly with no instruction. Failure results in a ghost image. I have nicknamed it "gizmodus". Personally I have found it quite suiting to my interest in tinkering, but I was interested in what others may think.

►◄► Convenience. 0/3 ◄►◄

►◄► You gotta have some fast fucking prongs for this, you're definitely going to learn a lot about a lot of things using this. I tip my metaphorical cranial adornment to you. ◄►◄

►◄► Simplicity. 0/3 ◄►◄

►◄► I can't decide if this is a 3/3 simplicity or a 0/3. I will go with 3/3 so I suppose that sets a precedent that this is ranked off of mechanical intricacies rather than conceptual ones. This shits wack. It has to be one of the more complex modi I've seen. There are some more simple ones that rely on visual components like the shape-break modus or even the jigsaw modus, but physical ones take a new level. This does remind me of that one modus that Troll LEGO did, though. Maybe one of them was based on the other. ◄►◄

►◄► Scrutability. 3/3 ◄►◄

►◄► This modus hides nothing, and tells nothing. The most scrutes of them all. ◄►◄

►◄► 4/10, wack modus. ◄►◄

[skiddlecat]

Homestuck 13/04/09 SBURB BETA

A young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, 2009, is this young man's birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

What will the name of this young man be? Enter name. 13/04/09

ZOOSMELL POOPLORD

TRY AGAIN, SMARTASS Try again. 13/04/09

✓ JOHN EGBERT Examine room. 13/04/09

Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

What will you do? John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer. 13/04/09

Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, pooplord! Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST. 13/04/09

Out of sympathy for John's perceived lack of arms, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED. John: Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST. 13/04/09

captchalogue x2

You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS.

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.

There are other items in the chest. John: Examine contents of chest. 13/04/09

captchalogue x2

Colonel Sassacre's DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY

Harry Anderson's WISE GUY

In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.

You are neither of these things.

Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) FAKE ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF TRICK HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) STUNT SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, and ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.

Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS. John: Captchalogue smoke pellets. 13/04/09

sylladex::captchalogue deck

You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.

You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.

You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining. John: Equip fake arms. 13/04/09

You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.

Unfortunately, you cannot access the FAKE ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just make your room lousy with smoke!

Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were never all that great with data structures and you find the concept puzzling and mildly irritating.

But with any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more experience. John: Examine Problem Sleuth Poster. 13/04/09

Is it even possible to get any more hard boiled than that? You really doubt it. This poster was one of your wisest purchases.

There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon. John: Read note on drawer. 13/04/09

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON.

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES AND COLOGNES.

Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER. John: Take poster. 13/04/09

Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. You wonder what is printed on the poster.

You'll need some way to hang it on your wall. John: Acquire hammer and nails. They will come in handy. 13/04/09

You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.

But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS?

You guess it doesn't hurt to try. John: Take nails. 13/04/09

You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card.

The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!!

Oh well. They're probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don't want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences.

In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful. John: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk. 13/04/09

This is the dumbest idea you've had in weeks!!!

STUPID STUPID STUPID.

And yet the polished surface of your desk…

It beckons. John: Combine the nails and hammer. 14/04/09

You MERGE the top two cards.

The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together. John: Use hammer/nails on poster. 14/04/09

You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it. John: Nail poster to wall. 14/04/09

FRED SAVAGE HOWIE MANDEL

little monsters

You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.

It's glorious. Exactly what you wanted. The old man really came through this time. John: Examine Con Air poster. 14/04/09

CAGE CUSACK

A JERRY BRUCKHEIMER PRODUCTIONThe most dangerous criminals in the world are about to take flight. Only one man can stop them.

CON AIR

PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX.

WHY COULDN'T YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX? John: Examine Deep Impact poster. 14/04/09

DEEP IMPACT

Morgan Freeman's genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis.

OCEANS RISE. CITIES FALL. HOPE SURVIVES.

WOW.

Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you. Plus, a black president??? Now you've seen everything! John: Examine calendar. 14/04/09

APRIL

10: BETA! [x] 13: ☺

You've marked your birthday, the 13th of April. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.

It's been three days already. It's starting to become a sore subject with you. John: Eat cake. 14/04/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

You are sick to death of cake!!! You've been eating it all day. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The CAKE stays put for now.

You hear a notice from your COMPUTER. Someone is messaging you. John: Examine incoming message. 15/04/09

[SYSTEM]

[TYPHEUS]

[PESTERCHUM]

[pff.^CAKE]

[FUCK FUCK FUCK.^CAKE]

[AAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH.~ATH ]

[ACTUATE] [PESTERCHUM] | 04/13 16:13

You pull up to your COMPUTER. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it.

Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it.

Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you. John: Open Pesterchum. 15/04/09

PESTERCHUM 6.0

CHAT CLIENT

CHUMROLL : ☺ turntechGodhead

tentacleTherapist

gardenGnostic [PESTER!]

MYCHUMHANDLE : ☺ ectoBiologist

MOOD : ☺ CHUMMY ✓ ☺ BULLY ☺ PALSY ☺ PEPPY ☺ CHIPPER ☹ RANCOROUS

Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. He's sent you a message. John: Open message. 15/04/09

:: turntechGodhead ::

PESTERLOG :

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today

[PESTER!]

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright. John: Look out window. 15/04/09

You see the view of your yard from your window.

Hanging from the tree is your TIRE SWING. In a kid's yard, a tree without a tire swing is like a proper gentleman without a monocle. That is to say, HE CAN HARDLY BE CONSIDERED A TERRIBLY PROPER GENTLEMAN AT ALL.

And there beside your driveway is the mailbox. John: Examine mailbox. 15/04/09

The little red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped up!

What the hell is that thing called anyway. You do not have time for these semantics. The red flippy-lever thing means you have new mail. And that means the beta might be here! John: Go outside and check mailbox. 15/04/09

You are about to hurry down stairs when you hear a car pull into the driveway. It looks like your DAD has returned from the grocery store.

Oh great. He is beating you to the mail. John: Forget it. Check mail later. 15/04/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

If you go down stairs to get it, he will likely monopolize hours of your time. You decide to chill out up here for a while until the dust settles.

Sometimes you feel like you are trapped in this room. Stuck, if you will, in a sense which possibly borders on the titular.

And now your chum is pestering you again. The clockwork of friendship turns ceaselessly, operating the swing-lever dealies of harassment in perpetuity!

Whatever. The dude can just hold his damn horses. John: Examine games on CD rack. 16/04/09

BARD QUEST

THE CAPER HAVERS

PROBLEM SLEUTH

AND IT DON'T STOP

?

GHOSTBUSTERS II MMORPG

KONAMI little monsters (Original Nintendo Seal of Quality)

HARRY ANDERSON CALL MY BLUFF

You've put countless manhours into this assortment of quality titles. John: Read COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT. 16/04/09

Colonel Sassacre's

DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY

You decide to consult with the Colonel's bottomless wisdom. Good grief this thing is huge. It could kill a cat if you dropped it.

But to really dig into this hefty book, you will have to captchalogue it. You are not sure you are ready to logjam your other ARTIFACTS beneath it just yet. John: Captchalogue fake arms again. 16/04/09

What did you just say?? You don't want to clog up your…

Oh, Jesus. In a momentary lapse of concentration, you accidentally captchalogue the arms again. John: Set Pesterchum status to "bully". 16/04/09

☺ turntechGodhead

You don't think the situation is quite dire enough to go all the way to "RANCOROUS", but you still feel the PESTERCHUM client should reflect your mood change in some way.

"BULLY" will have to do. You guess.

This unsurprisingly does nothing whatsoever.

Oh, right, you forgot your chum is still pestering you. John: Answer chum. 16/04/09

:: turntechGodhead :: PESTERLOG :

TG: is it there TG: plz say yes TG: maybe you can play with TT shes been pestering me all day about it TG: shes mackin on me so hard all the time i start to feel embarrassed for her TG: i mean not that i can blame her or anything EB: yes, it is understandable because you are really attractive. i am attracted to you. TG: thank you EB: jk haha. EB: no, i don't have it yet. EB: my dad has the mail and i guess i have to go get it from him and see if it's there. EB: and i've been busy spending all afternoon shitting around with my stupid sylladex. EB: it's so frustrating. TG: whats your modus EB: what? TG: how do you retrieve artifacts from it EB: oh. like one at a time i guess. and if i put too much in, something falls out. TG: stack?? hahahahahaha EB: what is yours? TG: hash map TG: my bro taught me a few tricks he basically knows everything and is awesome EB: what the hell is that? TG: you should probably brush up on your data structures EB: i guess. TG: did you at least allocate your strife specibus EB: no. TG: it could free up a card for you TG: plus let you attack stuff whenever things get too hot to handle TG: which is never TG: what have you got EB: well, i've got a hammer but it's trapped under some arms. TG: wow you really suck at this dont you TG: just get rid of the arms and then allocate the hammer to the specibus EB: how? TG: i dont know just use the arms on any old thing and see if it works John: Combine fake arms with cake. 16/04/09

You stick the FAKE ARMS in the CAKE on your bed.

This definitely makes the CAKE at least 300% more hilarious. You're sure COLONEL SASSACRE would know the precise index of elevated hilarity. John: Allocate hammer to strife specibus. 16/04/09

kind abstrata

pizzactrkind batkind rollpinkind plungerkind yoyokind scissorkind peprsprykind chainsawkind crowbarkind broomkind pokerkind icepickkind golfclubkind [hammerkind] jumpropekind shovelkind hatchetkind spoonkind statuekind spatulakind scrwdrvrkind bladekind pistolkind lampkind stungunkind ballkind rakekind plankkind glovekind

forkkind canekind curlironkind chainkind knifekind tablelegkind shotgunkind needlekind peprmillkind dumbbellkind hckystckkind vacuumkind mopkind trophykind fncysntakind ladlekind cordkind ironkind sawkind cleaverkind iceskatekind wrenchkind umbrellakind plungerkind hosekind bookkind bustkind spadekind pipekind

nailgunkind hairdyrkind lcrsstckkind thrwstarkind tongskind razorkind fireextkind branchkind bowlgpinkind bombkind woodwindkind staplerkind riflekind sandlstkkind paddlekind bowkind barbwirekind dartkind marblekind plierkind fireworkkind chiselkind aerosolkind shoekind pippetkind fankind brasskind rockkind scythekind

You check the back of your STRIFE SPECIBUS for the KIND ABSTRATUS you have in mind for it. John: Select "HAMMER". 16/04/09

captchalogue x1

strife specibus

sylladex::strife deck hammerkind

Your STRIFE SPECIBUS has been ALLOCATED with the HAMMERKIND ABSTRATUS.

The HAMMER has been moved from your CAPTCHALOGUE DECK to your STRIFE DECK. John: Report progress to TG. 16/04/09 EB: ok, i did it. TG: hammerkind? EB: yeah. TG: ok that will be the permanent allocation for your specibus TG: i guess i should have mentioned that EB: uh… TG: hope you like hammers dude! EB: yeah, that's fine i guess. i can't imagine it's going to be all that relevant. John: Captchalogue Colonel's big book. 17/04/09

Now that you've got some space in your SYLLADEX to work with, you figure you might as well start squandering it immediately.

Ordinarily this ridiculous book would be way too heavy to carry around in any practical way. You guess maybe this is one respect in which the cards present some convenience. John: Examine GameBro Magazine. 17/04/09

GAME BRO SBURB Why the "Game of

the Year" or whatever isn't as good as some other stuff I like that's better.

John: Read article. 17/04/09

GAME BRO FEATURE

SBURB

So ok.

SBURB is this game that a lot of cats seem hella pumped of. And this beta is sitting on my desk for review, so I'm like, yeah man I'll write something.

But I don't know. I'm like, so this is about houses or some noise? That's fine, I'm sure that's like fucking dynamite in a handbag for some brosephs. But all I'm saying is, when do you get to thrash anything? While you're playing house or some shit, are you ever in jeopardy of getting mud on your doll's dress or whatever from busting out, and I quote, "the mad stunts all wicked up-ins"?

Know what I'm saying, Bro-Yo Ma? I didn't actually play this game, but I gave it 1.5 hats out of 5 hats to keep it real.

At this point I'd like to give a shout out to my boy Dennis who was over the other day. We were going to chill in front of The Dark Knight and he was so psyched of it y'all.

So this one time he was leaning against the screen door and the shit popped open, and the back deck was wet and he slipped down the steps and broke his thumb on the lawn. It wasn't a long fall, but hey I guess a thumb bone wasn't made for supporting the brunt of a huge useless tool against wet grass. We never did watch Dark Knight on account of Ron truck- ing his bawling candy-ass girth to the hospital.

But it's cool, I still got another watch in me, Brotel Rwanda.

BRO-NOTES : Dennis was so wasted, ha ha. I mean damn.

Rating for : SBURB [*] [ ] [ ] [ ] [ ]

John: Captchalogue GameBro. 17/04/09

It might come in handy if you ever need something that burns easily. John: Captchalogue magician's hat. 18/04/09

You expend your final card on the MAGICIAN'S HAT. John: Get funny glasses too. 18/04/09

You don't have a free card in your SYLLADEX!

However, you are able to MERGE the BEAGLE PUSS with the MAGICIAN'S HAT to create a CLEVER DISGUISE. John: Wear disguise to fool dad. 18/04/09

John? Who is this "John" you speak of? You are quite certain there has never been, nor ever will be…

Yeah, this is a really shitty disguise.

While you are wearing the items, they remain on the card, but it is temporarily removed from the deck, thus freeing up the cards beneath it. John: Leave room. 18/04/09

You exit into the HALLWAY.

On one wall hangs a picture of a fella who sure knows how to have a laugh, a man after your own heart. You always thought he looked a lot like Michael Cera. But your DAD swears on the many HALLOWED TOMBS of Egypt that it is not. You're not sure about that though.

On the other wall is one of your DAD'S stupid clowns. Or HARLEQUINS, as he is quick to correct anyone who would venture such brazen assumption. John: Go downstairs. 18/04/09

The accursed odor of fresh baking wafts into your newfound nostrils. Something is brewing in the KITCHEN. It must be the connivings of your arch nemesis, BETTY CROCKER, and the rich, buttery aroma of her plot stinks to high heaven.

This mission is going to be more difficult than you imagined. John: Admire harlequins. 18/04/09

You check out the shelves of FANCIFUL HARLEQUINS.

Look at this fucking garbage. You hate this stuff. Funny is funny, but your DAD sure can be a real cornball.

Sometimes at night you pray for burglars. John: Examine fireplace. 18/04/09

A bright orange flame flickers in the FIREPLACE. It doesn't matter that it's April and not terribly chilly outside. In a home, a FIREPLACE needs a fire, because that's what FIREPLACE is for. A fire BELONGS in a FIREPLACE, dammit, cata(ptcha)gorically, at all times, without exception.

As domestic myth of unaccountable origin holds, a home borrows the spirit of the flame for as long as it makes a guest of it, much as the moon takes liberty with the sun's rays.

"The moon's an arrant thief, and her pale fire she snatches from the sun." -Mark Twain

You are almost certain Mark Twain said that. John: Toss GameBro into fire. 18/04/09

It doesn't burn as quickly as you hoped.

Each GAMEBRO MAGAZINE is guaranteed to be printed on 40% recycled asbestos. For big ups to Mother Earth, yo. John: Fondly regard cremation. 18/04/09

You examine the SACRED URN containing your departed NANNA'S ASHES.

When your father gives her portrait a wistful glance now and then, you can tell it brings back painful memories. A tall bookshelf. A ladder. An unabridged COLONEL SASSACRE'S.

He never wants to talk about it. John: Topple urn. 18/04/09

You clumsily mishandle the SACRED URN. Ash is everywhere.

In retrospect, upon mulling cinematic tropes regarding ash-filled urns, this outcome was a virtual certainty.

You'd probably better clean it up before DAD finds it. John: Combine father's pipe with clever disguise. 18/04/09

You think now would be a good time to beef up your CLEVER DISGUISE. John: Examine oversized gift. 18/04/09

CHAMP.

YOU CAN DO ANYTHING IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT.

I BELIEVE IN YOU.

Contemplating what could be inside this package is sort of exciting, but it makes you a little nervous at the same time. John: Open large present. 18/04/09

Oh hell no. John: Captchalogue ashes. 19/04/09

First you prop the HARLEQUIN DOLL up on the couch. Having it in the middle of the floor sprawled out all akimbo like that struck you as unseemly.

You captchalogue the ASHES to your available card. John: Combine ashes with urn. 19/04/09

You merge the SACRED URN with the ASHES.

Most of the ASH is back in the URN, but it's a total mess. Really it probably would have been tidier if you just used a broom and dustpan. John: Put urn back. 19/04/09

No one will be the wiser.

Except maybe for people with eyes. John: Go get fake arms again. 19/04/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

You just got another BRILLIANT idea for something to do with those pointless arms. You pry them out of the CAKE and captchalogue them.

Looks like PESTERCHUM is acting up again. John: Examine 3rd and 4th walls of room. 19/04/09 John: Check Pesterchum. 19/04/09

☺ tentacleTh…

Another one of your chums is messaging you. John: Check message. 19/04/09

:: tentacleTherapist :: PESTERLOG : -- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:26 --

TT: I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine.

TT: I understand you have recently come into possession of the beta release of "The Game of the Year", as featured in respectable periodicals such as GameBro Magazine. EB: that's an ugly rumor. EB: whoever told you that is a filthy liar. EB: and you should probably stop hitting on him all the time or whatever. TT: I can't control myself. TT: I must have a weakness for insufferable pricks. EB: anyway i still haven't checked the mail, my dad has it. EB: i'm trying to go get it from him, so brb TT: John. EB: what? TT: You're wearing one of your disguises now, aren't you? TT: You are typing to me right now while wearing something ridiculous. EB: no, why would you even think that?? EB: that's so stupid. TT: Ok. TT: Why don't you go get the game from your father? EB: alright, wish me luck. EB: oh, btw… EB: jk I was wearing a funny disguise this whole time. EB: gotcha! hehehehe TT: I know, John. John: Go back downstairs. 19/04/09

You can now execute that brilliant idea you had.

There should be just enough FROSTING on the FAKE ARMS to serve as an adequate adhesive. John: Attach arms to doll. 19/04/09

Hehehehehehehehe.

You don't care what COLONEL SASSACRE says, that makes it AT LEAST a million percent funnier. John: Inspect burnt paper on the floor. 20/04/09

BROBLERONE

(ADVERTISEMENT)

You put this back in the fire where it belongs. John: Throw present wrap in fire. 20/04/09

As long as you're cleaning up… John: Captchalogue doll. 20/04/09

You can carry hefty items, but that thing is just way too big. Get real!

Besides, you don't even want it. John: Read Colonel Sassacre's text. 20/04/09

COLONEL

FROM GEO SOULEGEL(?)

3? & 40 CENTRE ST, NEW YORK No 2078 INS. $20.00 per 1000 net 5? 5th AVE. CHICAGO, ILL No 2079 OUTS. 0.00

ALSO BLANK

THE CREEPY-CRAWLIES!

Hell's bells, we are having a mighty sporting time of it!

Hold fast my intrepid fellow prank- smiths! We've merely nicked the mahogany of our japing chests.

If I may direct the incisive ogle of your beagle puss to the wriggling regency of rubber bugs, plastic parasites, squirming serpents, pliable pests, and every such order and phyla of creepy-crawlie!

Land sakes alive, we are cooking with petrol now!

In further exhibits we shall dwell on artifice useful to your exploits. Is your pappy's rod and reel handy? What about a bit of iron cord; it shouldn't prove elusive. Bring those wriggling rascals to life, and set the nerves of some old maid to the wreck of Hesperus!

Do you have a bothersome aunt who never seems troubled to find ways with your sunny afternoon hours? A board, splintery fence - a bucket of whitewash perhaps?

By gum you'll fix her wagon!

And what of that tawny gent who puts his lackadaisical lean near the sarsaparilla font? You'll have that listless octoroon find the spring in his step just yet!

You thought about consulting the text to determine exactly how hilarious the doll is now.

But this text is way too big to navigate in a timely fashion. You decide to forget it. John: Find dad and retrieve mail. 20/04/09

The door on the left leads to the KITCHEN, from which the smell of baking wafts -- a powerful aroma which could lift an especially portly hobo off his feet.

The door on the right leads to the STUDY, where your DAD spends a lot of time.

He could be in either room. Where will you go? John: Go in the study. 21/04/09

It doesn't look like he's in here right now. John: Examine father's desk. 21/04/09

THE SERIOUS JESTER

On the desk is a DECK OF PLAYING CARDS, one of your DAD'S PIPES, the April issue of THE SERIOUS JESTER magazine, and a stray CAPTCHALOGUE CARD.

There is also a CAN OF PEANUTS on the desk. Ha ha, oh DAD. You won't be falling for THAT one again any time soon.

A severe peanut allergy is a terrible affliction to cope with. John: Upgrade costume with hat from hat rack. 21/04/09

You swap the MAGICIAN'S HAT with the BOWLER HAT.

This disguise is somewhat less funny, but A LOT more distinguished looking. John: Combine second pipe with clever disguise. 21/04/09

Your DAD maintains numerous pipes around the household. A father without a pipe is like a strapping roughneck without a toothpick. That is to say, HE IS A RATHER PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A ROUGHNECK IF YOU ASK ME.

You'd rather not take the PIPE, though. The first one tastes bad enough as it is.

How you suffer for your comedy. John: Examine captchalogue card. 21/04/09

THE SERIOUS JESTER

Yes!!! This will be perfect for expanding the space in your SYLLA… John: Captchalogue captchalogue card. 21/04/09

ARGH!!! [S] John: Play haunting piano refrain. 21/04/09

(Pages including sound will be preceded by [S] in the command.) John: Play 52 Pick-Up. 22/04/09

You play the prankster's favorite card game, even though you are alone in the room, thus rendering it an especially foolish version of Solitaire.

SO STUPID. Look at this mess.

The peanut gallery over there sure is getting a kick out of it. You are allergic to their scorn. John: Attempt to leave the house. 22/04/09

Hi-C ECTO COOLER

You go back into the LIVING ROOM and contemplate checking the mailbox outside. You think perhaps you should exhaust all possibilities before plunging headlong into a DAD encounter.

Your TELEVISION is currently airing a COMMERCIAL. John: Exit. 23/04/09

You exit the house. John: Check mail. 23/04/09

Predictably, the mailbox is empty. You have already been scooped by your father. [S] ==> 24/04/09

HOMESTUCK

The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.

It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.

"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman

Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.

You have a feeling it's going to be a long day. ==> 24/04/09 John: Leave a surprise for the mailman. 24/04/09

N…

No! John: See if your father left the mail in the car. 24/04/09

The door is locked and your DAD has the CAR KEYS. You peer in through the driver's side window.

You don't see any mail, but you do see a GREEN PACKAGE. There is also something underneath it that looks like a slip of paper.

Could these items have come in the mail? You don't see anything else that's usually in the mail, like bills and coupons. Maybe your DAD forgot to take this stuff inside. John: Spy in the kitchen. 24/04/09

You try to get a gander through the KITCHEN WINDOW, but you can't see a whole lot! It seems your DAD has been doing so much baking, the glass has steamed up.

God he is so weird.

But you can see what's on the table just beside the window. It looks like the mail is there! Included among it is a RED PACKAGE, some BILLS, your DAD'S PDA, and an envelope that appears to be suspiciously labeled with the SBURB LOGO. Could it be???

Unfortunately, the window is locked. John: Go back into the kitchen. 24/04/09

You have no other choice. You are going in.

CLEVER DISGUISE, it's time to work your magic. [S] John: Enter. 27/04/09 ==> 27/04/09

JOHN: !

Your DAD sees right through your costume! You don't know what you were even thinking with this foolish ruse!!!

You unequip the CLEVER DISGUISE. Your DAD wields a dreaded ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION. He stands between you and the mail.

There is only one way to settle this. [S] STRIFE! 28/04/09

STRIFE!

AGGRIEVE: AUTO-PASTRY! ABJURE: GUARDIAN RUBRIC: CODDLEBRAND DOTESMITE!

John: Retrieve the package and flee to your room! 29/04/09

ABSCOND

You cannot ABSCOND! This pesky GUARDIAN is blocking your path! You will need to engineer some sort of distraction.

And now he brandishes yet another ARTIFACT OF CONFECTION! The man is ruthless.

You'd better brace for impact in the most comedically striking fashion possible. John: Equip disguise for defense. 29/04/09

BEAGLE AEGIS

The BEAGLE AEGIS absorbs the brunt of the treat. Looks like DAD will enjoy the prankster's gambit on that exchange, as is usually the case. John: Captachalogue pie tin. 29/04/09

You take PIE TIN and unequip the BEAGLE PUSS.

Everything in your SYLLADEX is pushed back a card. The SMOKE PELLETS are ejected from the deck.

Yes! This could be just the distraction you were… ==> 29/04/09

Nothing happens.

What a huge letdown. John: Take the cake! 29/04/09

AGGRIEVE ABJURE [> ACCEDE] ABSCOND

"When two great forces oppose each other, the victory will go to the one that knows how to yield." -Oscar Wilde

Wise words by a man who likely could resist everything but temptation.

The CAKE forces COLONEL SASSACRE'S TEXT out of your SYLLADEX. ==> 29/04/09

Sassacre you beautiful bastard.

Now's your chance!!! John: Abscond. 30/04/09

Now that DAD is busy placating the SMOKE DETECTOR, you can safely sneak away. John: Take PDA. 30/04/09

You snag your DAD'S PDA. Maybe later you'll switch the background image to something hilarious as a prank. Besides, it may come in handy later.

Your spare CAPTCHALOGUE CARD is forced out of the SYLLADEX, and consequently integrated with the deck. You now have five cards to work with. John: Take package. 30/04/09

This RED PACKAGE is addressed to you. John: Take envelope. 30/04/09

You got the SBURB BETA!!! John: Exit kitchen. 30/04/09 John: Get cake on couch. 01/05/09

You captchalogue the CAKE on the couch, expelling the PIE TIN from the bottom card. John: Combine the cakes to make a double decker cake. 01/05/09

You then merge the two CAKES across all five cards.

Everything in your SYLLADEX is smushed between the CAKES. Why don't you think these things through first?? John: Retreat upstairs! 02/05/09

You pause at the juncture and head down the hall. You are going to need something to clean up the mess you are about to make by dissecting this CAKE.

To the left is the BATHROOM. To the right is your DAD'S ROOM. It is locked, and you are forbidden from ever entering. He has secrets. John: Go to bathroom and grab a towel. 02/05/09

You enter the BATHROOM. You can see your BACK YARD from the window. The jewel in its crown is the SWING SET which has provided you with years of joy. There is also a SPRING-MOUNTED POGO-RIDE, which has been responsible for more than one painful injury, and has provided you with years of lament.

On the sink is your DAD'S RAZOR. On the rack to the side is a FRESH TOWEL. John: Remove PDA, envelope and package from cake. 02/05/09

You take the RAZOR and use it to perform surgery on the CAKE.

You take the TOWEL and clean off the extracted goods. John: Retrieve your items. 02/05/09

The items force the MANHANDLED CAKE into the TOILET.

And just like that, your SYLLADEX is full again. God this thing is annoying. John: Go to bedroom. 02/05/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪ Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪

John: Admire "Failure to Launch" poster. 03/05/09

Jodie Fo… Matthew McConaug…

A TIME TO KILL

matthew mcconaughey sarah jessica parker failure to launch

You're not usually into chick-flicks, but Matthew McConaughey's cool charisma could salvage any heap of smoldering wreckage.

This is your "McConaughey Wall", a casual shrine to an amazing actor. The film above that one is a lot better, you think.

CAN YOU SEE HER? I WANT YOU TO PICTURE THAT LITTLE GIRL. [chokes up] NOW IMAGINE SHE'S WHITE.

You got us Matthew! Your smooth talking exposed our latent racism! Damn you are good! [S] John: Check Pesterchum. 03/05/09

☺ gardenGno… ☺ turntechGo…

-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:34 --

GG: hi happy birthday john!!!!! <3 GG: helloooooo?? GG: ok i will talk to you later!!! :D

-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:56 --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:40 --

TG: hey GG is looking for you why are you even so popular all of a sudden TG: is today some sort of special occasion or something TG: did you do something to curry favor with ladies TG: did you break your leg on a puppy or some shit TG: dude what are you doing -- turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum! -- EB: i discovered a comet that is going to destroy the earth, and it was named after me. EB: now i am famous, and everyone wants to talk to me a lot. TG: no stop TG: just no TG: dont talk about your awful stupid movies or make references to them TG: your gross man-bro crush on matt macconahay is an unsavory thing to behold EB: mcconaughey. TG: sounds like a noise a horse would make TG: ie dumb TG: equally dumb are all those pictures of that clown youve got hanging up EB: those are my dad's. TG: i was talking about nick cage EB: oh, what?! no man, cage is sweet. so sweet. TG: ha ha so lame TG: you dont even like him ironically or anything this is like for real isnt it TG: hahaha EB: i do things ironically sometimes. EB: what about what i sent you for your birthday? TG: no those are awesome EB: what? no, they're stupid, which was the joke. the IRONIC joke. get it? EB: wait… EB: you're actually wearing them, aren't you? TG: im wearing them ironically TG: because theyre awesome TG: the fact that theyre ironic makes them awesome TG: and vice versa TG: are you taking notes on how to be cool?? jesus get a fucking pen EB: you do realize they touched stiller's weird, sort of gaunt face at some point. TG: ew yeah TG: oh well TG: anyway speaking of which TG: did you get the mail EB: yeah. TG: did there happen to be a package there EB: yeah, there's a big red one. TG: you should probably open it EB: i would, but it's trapped under the sburb beta, so i will probably open it after i install the beta. TG: oh man the beta came EB: yeah! wanna play it? TG: haha no way EB: why not! TG: it sounds so HELLS of boring just get TT to play it she is all about that EB: where'd she go. TG: her internet is blinking in and out i guess TG: probably be back online soon TG: oh and christ in a sidecar are you still using the stack modus??? TG: seriously dude TG: you need to BONE UP on your data structures that shit is just ridiculous EB: ok, i will. John: Open browser and go to mspaintadventures.com 04/05/09

TYPHEUS BOOKMARKS ▸ ADDRESS : http://www.mspaintadventures.com GO!

MS MAP | LOG | SEARCH | FAQ || SAVE | LOAD || SHOP | EXTRAS || FORUMS | CONTACT | ANDREW

MSPAINT ADVENTURES

You decide to space out on the computer for a while before doing anything important.

You open the TYPHEUS web browser and direct it to what is indisputably the most amazing website ever created. ==> 04/05/09

ADDRESS : http://www.mspaintadventures.com?s=3

MSPAINT ADVENTURES

Midnight Crew

You are members of a sinister gang called the Midnight Crew. Your nefarious plots are serpentine in their complexity. Your schemes, convoluted. You are planning a heist in your underground hideout.

What will you do?

The new adventure is ok, but you're not sure if you like it as much as the last one. John: Install the Sburb beta. 05/05/09

You decide it's time for less meta, and more beta.

You insert the CD and install the SBURB BETA. ==> 05/05/09

SBURB CLIENT

SBURB version 0.0.1

© SKAIANET SYSTEM INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB client is running.

Waiting for server to establish connection…

What the fuck is this. John: Bone up on data structures. 05/05/09

DATA STRUCTURES

discrete mathematics

^CAKE

~ath

DIS*

AUTOMATA

You go to your CLOSET, where you keep a lot of clothes and an array of handy COMPUTER PROGRAMMING GUIDES. John: Read Data Structures book. 05/05/09

"I think my rage just crapped its pants" -FUNNYUNCLE

DATA STRUCTURES for ASSHOLES By Buckminster Funnyuncle

Your ignorance just made me throw up a little. Get a clue, you computer-illiterate piece of shit.

FREE FETCH MODUS IN BACK!!!

You're not sure you really want to dig into this huge tome. It looks really boring. And kind of ornery.

Maybe you'll just check out that free modus instead. John: Get free Fetch Modus. 05/05/09

fetch modus FIFO queue

You turn to the back inside cover, where a free FETCH MODUS is included in a plastic sleeve.

This one is dictated by the logic of a QUEUE DATA STRUCTURE, operating on a "First In, First Out" method, rather than a "First In, Last Out" method of a STACK. John: Apply Fetch Modus to Sylladex. 05/05/09

Items captchalogued in your SYLLADEX are no longer immediately accessible. You can only use the item on the bottom card, and must wait for items on upper cards to be pushed back to it.

For instance, the RED PACKAGE is now inaccessible. You can only use the RAZOR at the moment.

This modus doesn't strike you as a significant upgrade to your previous one. In fact, it almost seems more inconvenient. You figure you might as well give it a chance though. John: Switch back to Stack Modus. 06/05/09

? fetch modus ? FILO stack ?

You suddenly wonder if this is even possible. You don't even remember if you ever had a physical card for the STACK MODUS.

You find this all to be a little abstract and you'd prefer not to think about it too much. John: Put down razor. 06/05/09

Put it…

Down?

…

You're not quite sure you understand. John: Pick up two items. 06/05/09

You captchalogue one of the CAKES.

You've finally found a use for all these loitering pastries: DEAD WEIGHT. John: Get other cake. 06/05/09

matthew mcconaughey sarah jessica parker failure to launch

The second CAKE causes the RAZOR to launch out the front of your SYLLADEX.

Oh good lord.

THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE.

You wish the RAZOR would have failed to launch. John: Get more stuff. 06/05/09

You open your MAGIC CHEST and captchalogue one of your favorite books of all time, WISE GUY BY MIKE CAVENEY.

There goes the FRESH TOWEL. John: Might as well grab those cuffs. 06/05/09

You take the TRICK HANDCUFFS, expelling the PDA like a bullet. ==> 06/05/09

Oh God dammit. John: Open up that package! 07/05/09

TO : EB FROM : TG

You examine the package. It is from one of your internet chums.

It's bound in packing tape though. You'll need something sharp to open it.

Ah, of course! The RAZOR! It's all so simple, you wonder why you didn't… John: Get razor. 07/05/09

BONK

John: Pick up package again. 07/05/09

Let's take this from the top. John: Captchalogue glass shards. 07/05/09

CRASH

You take three GLASS SHARDS in quick succession and duck for cover.

Your SYLLADEX rains devastation on your room from above.

And now that your cards are packed with glass, you probably don't want to do that again any time soon. ==> 07/05/09

You should probably go get that stuff before you forget. John: Use the razor on the red package. 08/05/09

You open the package. There is something suspicious inside.

Something suspiciously dirty and smelly. ==> 08/05/09

It is a STUFFED BUNNY. Much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man.

But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY.

This is so awesome. John: Check status of Sburb beta. 08/05/09

Alert : ▪ ▪ ▪ Alert : (Sburb-logo)

It looks like your computer is trying to get your attention. John: Look at monitor. 09/05/09

SBURB CLIENT

SBURB version 0.0.1

Ⓒ SKAIANET SYSTEMS INCORPORATED. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

SBURB client is running.

A SBURB host user is attempting to connect with you.

Client has established connection with host.

Press [ENTER] when ready.

_

[☺ tentacleT…]

John: Check Pesterchum window. 09/05/09

::tentacleTherapist::

PESTERLOG

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 --

TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent. TT: I'm going to try to connect.

-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 --

TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent. TT: I'm going to try to connect. EB: whoa ok but i just got the most awesome present. TT: The rabbit? EB: SO SWEET. TT: I've heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now. EB: ha ha, what? TT: Why don't we focus on the matter at hand? EB: oh the game, ok. EB: i don't really know how this works. what am i even looking at here? TT: You are running the client application. I am running the server, so I am the host user. I have established a connection with you. This is sufficient for us to play the game. EB: oh, ok then. TT: Why don't we get started? John: Press [ENTER] 09/05/09 [S] ==> 09/05/09

WHO ARE YOU. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU. FUCKING SHOW YOURSELF RIGHT NOW

[shut-up-rabert]

Case happened on may 4th, in the infancy of violence. Needless to say it was pre planned.

FIR was sought on may 18, much after the time limit to prove rape hence a case for gang rape could not have been made. Sadly, Fair enough.

FIR was FILED on june 21, a fucking month after it was supposed to.

The culprits were caught on july 20, hours after the PM’s redressal.

The victim says the police handed them over.

So yes, frankly put, agar CM sahab pe pressure na banta to ye log saari umar khule ghum rahe hote🙃

“But Zoe there was violence everywhere how could they have gone after this case in particular” I know, believe me I fucking do. But here’s the thing; if we single out this case from the rest of the chaos happening simultaneously, the criminals were apprehended in hours even though they had months before Modi’s redressal.

They knew the criminals here, an FIR was registered, the victims and culprits were right there. Even if the police or government could not figure out thousands of other cases simultaneously, they had the direction for this one. They knew what to do and chose not to. There’s the difference.

[tranquilspot]

Examine Room.

[This is a rewriting of a post that has been sadly deleted, as such this version will be different and modified since I only recall the broad outlines]

This ‘young man’ is now officially John, and the tags will reflect the name change from now on. Both for convenience and non-spoil policy in case new readers happen to come across this blog.

Aaah~ The all-caps words, it’s been pinned down as a Homestuck thing. I saw a post once from someone who innocently wrote in this format. The Homestucks were on the lookout on that one x) Don’t you love it? For me it’s such a treat for my dyslexic eyes. Why can’t all writers write more like this, it’s not rocket science! Bold, italic, space between paragraphs, colors and quotes to draw the attention to the important parts. So please, no more HUGE BLOCKS OF TEXT. It’s ugly, it’s annoying, you spend 5 minutes on a paragraph cause you were reading in diagonal then went back as you didn’t (mis)understand the whole thing and read several times the same sentence/word until you finally get something. And now your head hurts/you’re irritated. Anyway, back to Homestuck proper.

Who the fuck has cakes in their room, hell SEVERAL CAKES with cream and all dripping on the furniture?! Yes I get it, I too like to bring snacks to eat in front of the computer but dude It’ll attract ants! DAD might be a better guardian than the others, but you can’t deny that behavior and parental choice wise there’s something off about him. Don’t get me started on having a HAMMER AND NAILS just sitting on the floor waiting for an unfortunate fool (tool hehe) to step on it. Well, we’ll get back to safety hazard a bit later.

You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.

One thing that I find interesting and just noticed is that John not being good at programming isn’t really important nor relevant, what is on the other hand is that it introduces two significant elements to the story: data structures, and ~ATH (until death). The former focusing on FETCH MODI and CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS, while the latter on VIRUSES (mobius double reacharound starting in act 5). I highly doubt that it was a foresight on Hussie’s side, taking into account the ~ATH is a Problem Sleuth reference (the symbol on the cover is the face of DEATH) and him incorporating those elements in his, at the time, brand new webcomic was a flex on their computer knowledge and skills. Still I think it’s nice to point it out, as it doubles (triples?) as a soft introduction to concepts that will follow the readers far into the adventure and even pop back in as a Chekhov's gun.

You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE

This sentence is awesome and irks me, because paranormal shit is so cool but sadly people tend to overlook it and focus on the shitty movies and magician parts.

Which is so lame! John even gave a speech about ghosts and science in Act 6 Intermission 2 that was interesting and I will definitely talk about it when we get to this conversation.

Though maybe I shouldn’t talk about stuff before they’re actually brought up by the narration? Whatever I’m my own boss, I can still develop before or when it happens. You guys tell me in the notes what you think about it.

You also like to play GAMES sometimes.

Funny how among the group of 4 friends, only John and TT have ‘play games’ mentioned in their introduction. TG plays on Xbox alone or with his Bro, GG as far as I know doesn’t own any game until SBURB came around the corner.

Perhaps it’s because the author already established that those two planned to play together. Or maybe it is pointed out by the narration because it is a relevant piece of information for establishing the plot. Or even maybe it's part of Hussie “I’ve put writing rules then soon after will discard them” hijinks. Or all of the above.

John however does own games in his disk rack, and later in the adventure plays at one of them with two of his friends. But I’ll wait and develop my thoughts on the matter when we get there (for the disk rack, very soon). —>

[r7-b7]

"Immigrant advocates said they will keep fighting in court to end Title 42. They said it is particularly cruel to implement it in this case since Haiti is still recovering from a recent earthquake and major political turmoil.

The ACLU's Gelernt said that the rights organization is "extremely disappointed but not shocked" by the Biden administration's decision to appeal the latest Title 42 ruling to the D.C. Circuit.

"We would have thought that the Biden administration, given how much they're talking about wanting a humane asylum system, would have at least grappled with the decision," he said.

Instead, the Biden administration is fighting in court to preserve one of the Trump administration's most hated border policies."

"The Biden administration is moving forward with a controversial plan to build a new section of the border wall in Texas. It's waiving more than two dozen federal environmental laws to add 20 miles to the barrier. And that's even though President Biden previously pledged he would not add another foot of border wall."

"For weeks after it became clear that the United States would have enough vaccines to meet domestic demand, the Biden administration refused to export its excess to poorer countries. That includes stockpiles of the Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine, which has still not been approved for use in the United States.

This policy changed in late April, after a direct phone call between Biden and Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi underscored the country’s desperate straits. But insider reporting, this time from Politico, once again suggests the White House initially overrode the relevant agencies and directly blocked vaccine exports..."

Lest not overlook Biden deporting over 2 million people under the guise of "concern for public health" because under him we ended COVID precautions very very early for what was and still is needed AND was asking your cities to give your COVID relief money to the police.

He's a racist, eugenicist, white supremacist ghoul who will burn in hell.

Don't be afraid to hold white supremacists accountable. Even the ones in blue. "Lesser evil" is still fucking evil. It's a choice to support and give your power to that particular evil.

"biden has continued trump's worst policies"

no, he has not. like. that is objectively false. biden has reversed SEVERAL of trump's worst policies, and the two disagree on almost every major issue. you are brainwashed if you believe that biden is anything like trump besides both being old white men.

[boyfhee]

honestly there's just something about the way that modi himself is shown in the media that rubs me the wrong way. i don't really watch indian news as i am currently leaving elsewhere but my father does and from what i notice very few media channels actually criticize modi and his bad decisions.

most of the time all i see is praise for him while anything that goes even slightly against him is rare to come across. i know that there are a few news channels that do though. and it's been like that since the first time he became pm.

i lived in india during that time and I was heavily influenced by the media/my school to view him as this ideal "perfect" pm and i don't think much has changed in that matter. like for example my 4 year old cousin has nothing to say but praise for him and it just is like super duper weird to me.

also like that anon mentioned him being very hindu nationalist it is one of the reasons that i do not like modi. not only is he super oppressive towards Muslims he is like that towards Sikhs as well. and the biggest proof i have for that is Muslim history being removed from textbooks. it may seem like that has nothing to do with Sikhs but it's the fact that Sikh history has deep roots in the Muslim rule of India.

also i do not even want to get started on the shit he has done to panjab/panjabis becasue that is so fucking much. also the ignoring of the blue star operation it has been 40 years and there is still nothing being said about it.

and when the kisan andolan was going on it was all up and in very one's face and it's still like that it's just ignored more. the way that he was acting? the way that he was treating the farmers that have been feeding indians? as someone who's family has a famer background it just added more reasons to dislike his rule.

and then there are his party members... like kangana? really? after all the shit she did and said against kisans during their protest? bjp is just super iffy vibes for me

i'm not the best with words so i don't even know if this makes sense but yeah anyways

— 🧸

the point is, there is criticism towards modi, although way less than the praise that is thrown around no one, i mean no one, addresses the actual issues. i don't think our school ever focused on politics which is my many of my friends and i were and are still so disconnected from all this. so one thing is people definitely need to talk more.

i'm not really educated enough to comment on the sikh history in india, but modi actually has oppressive behaviour towards anyone who doesn't follow hinduism. and the whole kisan andolan was such a turn off for me like, aren't these people his majority voters? it's kind of pathetic how his entire agenda revolves around giving benefits to farmers but he ignores every single issue faced by them.

and his party members ... i'm not even going to say anything. he was literally promoting a rapist it only proves that he doesn't care about anything that's happening in the country as long as he's winning.

[crater-lake]

118

5/21/24

I have 20 days until I leave Austria. J'ai vingt jours jusqu'à je m'aille d'Autriche.

Reasons for Staying

That a season to speak through me has to shout but I am quiet. 

I’m vulgar enough to dissect this body. The one right here. Meaning is more long term than pleasure and I am an investor, a good American. 

Become sufficiently sacreligious let us understand how the body’s systems folds into and feeds itself to sustain itself. 

That I cried on this flight, reading other words, better words. Dreams feel thrilling two armlengths way. 

Six poetry books for a weekend trip. Because I am 17 and 71. 

That I am still deciding between love and mercy. I do not have a cleverer subject or ultimatum currently. I want to be forgiven before I grieve. I wonder if I can be more curious about grief than it is about me. 

And a list of verbs I have yet to unlock. And my wordlist with warbling, eclipsis, and passerine. Why do you have a face? 

What an eclipse does to a half-sprung chorus. Lenition. 

Blue jays, northern cardinals, mourning doves transmit from my phone into crumple space of my room and I find it hard to feed myself many days of the week though it embarrasses me to say. 

Mourning doves oppress Spring air with death and Mom hears it for 32 years to have it be born in me. I found it and now I am speaking with intention for probably a few years before what is next. Obsession is very useful because everything is terrifying. When everything is not terrifying, it feels like a Sudoku board that went wrong somewhere. I am not sure if a good friend likes me or not as well. I think in saying this I hear something else, deeper, speak. 

That I cannot rhyme this story. That the cool boy with dark eyes in Seventh Grade ruined magic. That he said there was no such thing, only science, facts. That the 3 blocks to the Walgreens was impossible. It felt like a voyage that could drown me.I have too many words and not enough ideas. No, the conviction behind my ideas is wavering. No, I have just chosen the wrong story to sculpt. No, I am not sure who will listen and I am not sure if there is a story in the first place and I am not sure if it is worthwhile if it is mine. If I did not have to be inside a paragraph for it to hold my attention. 

I might be a bad poet on Instagram soon if it means holding a name and conviction. Tuh! 

I posted the above to my online journal because it seemed to fit the canon of the other writings that I waver inside of me every minute of every day and I cannot stand it. I distract myself by staring at it and seeing if it changes. I will occupy the inside of the feeling for a long time, even if it makes me insane or stupid, just to see. Fuck you, Lorenz.

I also want to talk about how I think Molly is generally annoyed with me and I want to broach that with her soon. I don't mind it but I am feeling insecure and am wondering what an appropriate course of action would be. Which is fair.

I also have talked to Anna about moving into her apartment for next year so I can get out of here because I am unable to stand living here unfortunately. This apartment has a pretty stifling atmosphere to me, and I do recognize how I contribute to it by isolating myself, but I isolate myself because of anxiety and shame, and me and Bettina's modi operandi and personalities do not glom well and I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO SLEEP. I WANT TO WALK AROUND ALL DIE AND EAT MYSELF IN THE MOUTH OF THE SUN. THE PIANO IN VOTIV PARK DISAPPEARED. I AM USELESS DURING BAR TRIVIA. ONE WINDMILL IN A FOREST OF WINDMILLS. A LIGHT ON A HORIZON NO ONE IS LOOKING AT. A WINDOW IN THE CITY OF GLASS. Bettina and I will talk about next year tomorrow and I will explain that I am going to look for another place and am likely going with Anna's apartment because it would just be easier for me given how I feel in here. And I will not assign blame at all, actually, but will just be honest because I actually do appreciate her efforts to communicate with me. I am just particular and I accept that about myself and I forgive myself for not having done a better job. I write this last sentence because I feel Lorenz shaming me in my head. And I am noticing also how things fester from High School onwards: baggage. Problems begin to stick and feel more permanent, like identity markers, stones becoming boulders.

Without Grindr the smallness of myself, the fretting and anxiety, the difficulty with planning, and my general neutrality has become abundantly clear. I may be slightly depressed generally but it feels like a good way to right off not having pleasure all of the time. I think I am very accustomed to satisfaction or I find dissatisfaction to be uncomfortable and stressful so I do everything I can to avoid it but it usually is fruitless. I wonder why Molly likes Lisa more than me even when I am writing these sentences. I want to text Molly and apologize if little things about me bother her but what would that accomplish actually? I will try to make sense of this feeling and offer forgiveness towards it. Later I will not go insane about devotion but I have to distract myself for 65 years and then I get to have a great break. I wish my brain was normal and I wish it was not contrived to speak that way. I want things to be easier. I wish I had more clarity inside my head and that I didn't stay stupid things and that I just was smarter about my surroundings and, tasks, and that I did not get bizarrely stressed about board games. I do charge myself with these things and each word bleeds a little bit as my fingers tap them out. Right where my stomach pouch folds a little evil feeling is nestled inside that makes me want to stay awake for the joy and terror and agency of it. Transitioning between sleep and awakeness is literally hard for me because it is hard to live in this apartment. I am writing because moments where I do not wish to be someone else are mystifying and enough to believe in hope, and I can use the word alders, the cold hush of it like smoke rising from a chimney in iron clad winter. I know about the magic of it. I am realizing how when I was 18, all of this, what I am getting out now was literally already inside of me but I could not translate it and I have known since I was 15 that I will need to spend a lifetime trying to perfect the projection of the craziness inside. Not craziness. Not incorrectness. Not agony. I can do it as soon as my story stops being my own. As soon as I see more of myself and use the word Alders and share the right things with the right people and the right things with nobody else. I think about so many things at once that some people would not call that clarity but that is where they would be wrong. The Highland Park Dunkin' Donuts where the Hasidim would frequent, an old man donning a Yarmulke drinking his large coffee on an iPad, his white frizzy beard, big ears and glasses, who had no idea that I was also Jewish. The coffee there tasted like smoke and mud and put lightning in my fingers. My story is my story. At 18, I was obsessed with the sentence, "I know more than I know" because I knew I could only be 18 when I was 22 and I know I can be 22 when I am 25 but one day I will be faster than the whirring and when I stand tall looking down at it, it will bend trying to get a look at me. I do not miss Murod I miss how I was not afraid to die for any other reason than to be beat the zenith of my grandiose suffering. In the summer when Julian and I exchange nervous glances and try to both be big when no one leaves their hometown completely if they have lived right and my parents grow older and I am squandering privilege and uniqueness and I should be more concerned about politics so that I can get a good job in the UN one day. I mostly rather be beautiful because I am clever enough to know what it means. It feels inane to touch and challenge my voice as much as I do.

This is not Golden Hour anymore, this is Crater Lake. My voice is wings fastening themselves to flying and the perfect description of the sky and the pithy phrases of my dying father. I know what to do with three fingers of scotch and starting a fire in Winter in the slow death of my home. My dead cat still sits on the white green arm chair and why not be obsessed with myself?

I AM ADDICTED TO GRINDR BECAUSE HOW I AM WRITING IS A BRIEF DEPICTION OF WHAT THE WHIRRING LOOKS LIKE FROM DAY TO DAY TO DAY TO DAY AND THE GENERAL REQUIREMENT OF ME TO MAINTAIN MYSELF WITH THE 55 THINGS THAT DO THEIR WHIRRING IN MY HEAD WHEN ALL IS QUIET. BEING AROUND PEOPLE IS A GIFT AND LORENZ IS DEAD. LORENZ IS DEAD THIS STORY HAS DIED LIKE A BIRD.

I will fasten wings to flying a story to my name. I do not forgive my pimples for existing and I am here and know how to talk about footsteps leaving a place. Thanks magazine for projecting my voice into sorry people now I am bit more whatever I have been being. Conviction is a really good story and pretend I am shooting a gun at credentials. Now that everyone is really listening I am here in a scary way. Okay, now that your toes are twitching, eyes brows raised, mouth dry, I am lying in bed smelling the fuck out of myself and a bit too sweaty and 20 days from remembering. Who is not plagued by whatever the fuck is going on in there? I am lying when I say I do not like it. I feel clever for having been plagued because cleverness is still what is somehow most valuable. Here is a suggestion: write a poem with kindness instead of cleverness. Having just written that, I felt a pang of something strange because I write to feel more stable. I do feel like I am writing all for the wrong reasons: not virtuous, not healthy. I give things away too quickly or use too many words, I am garrulous.

I'll grow up in a few years goodbye

[deathdoesntkillyou]

Modie (the dream)

Moses: [anyway, I’m gonna drop my dream here because it can go from when they are at this sketchy pub, that fits and you can tell me if there’s any bits you like/wanna carry forward or what bits you don’t and if you wanna go in a different direction entirely, seeing as I had it and I wrote it down lol, bear with because it’s an essay]

Moses: [right so let’s say we’re at this sketchy pub like I said… he sat her on his knee like you would a little kid (except not at all because it's y'all) and he was doing BIG strokes of her hair like his cousin and brother do to Ali and therefore why wouldn't you have also done that to her and now this gal, running his fingers through it because he's not over how much she looks like him with it even though he would've been STARING at her at so many points this entire day thus far, pulling it off her neck and holding it how you do when you're holding someone's hair back for them to be sick or if you're gonna hold it in a ponytail for them that kind of energy, literally kissing the back of her neck despite the fact and because of the fact they are in public, bouncing her on his knee a lil bit because we ALL know she can't keep still about this and then finding where she cut off a strand of her hair from and kissing her there too (because I vibe that she has sent that off in the post to arrive when he's back where he's working and missing her, which makes sense because you'd want the dye job to be fresh to death and not at all faded for when you see him hence you've only just done it, which btw imagine if she had and he again didn't come, she'd literally end up cutting off all her hair and being bald!) before he led her to the toilets of this place and he literally sat her on the baby changing thing because duh she is his baby (which was thankfully clean and not gross) to be indecent…

and how it went was that he brushed a finger over her bottom lip really lightly and then put it in her mouth just enough to be slightly wet but not enough that it was fully in her mouth or that she could suck it (to give slow and gentle and soft vibes only as well as do the most and draw this out let's not lie) and then he used that finger, lightly brushing it over her clit the same way he did her bottom lip (it cannot be overstated how lightly at first or how much he was taking his time so that she knew it would be like that when they eventually hooked up and she could trust him and he wouldn't hurt her, as well as again to do the most and draw it out in this vaguely public setting, let's again not lie) then obvs he gradually did more until he graduated from that finger being inside of her to using 3 (because sacred number, so again duh it had to be) still slowly but so !! and thoroughly, and speaking of thorough, the way he was studying her every reaction this entire time to make sure she was okay and he wasn't doing too much was insanely intense frankly, sometimes he'd literally backtrack a few steps going back to doing less and there was even a point that he started all over again from the start and built it back up (as if they weren't in a toilet together that someone could be waiting to use) + don't even start me on the EYE CONTACT when he wasn't studying her face or her body's reactions and their eyes were just LOCKED on each others, the indecency, so yeah she DIED about it all because how could she not and not only that, more importantly the sight and feel of her cumming on his fingers made him cum right there in his pants and when I tell you the man was SHOOK lol because that had clearly never happened before given that he hadn't even been touched or dry humped upon and so he couldn't even get the words out to tell her or make himself believe it was really happening, he was just like 'I'm gonna-' and then he was, barely managing to choke out the word 'fuck' in his disbelief and then saying 'baby' with ALL the feeling before he was DEAD too and had to pull her to him almost off the baby changing thing with his !! while he breathed heavily and they just LOOKED at each other for a minute before he eventually recovered enough to suck his fingers clean and taste her, breathlessly in her ear telling her how she tastes better than whatever he said Alison did and both their fave flavours of cake, then he kissed her quickly (because he didn't trust himself not to turn it into a full makeout sesh and escalate things even further otherwise) but dramatically so she could taste herself too in his mouth…

and anyway then he redressed her and carried her out of this bathroom (because in no world could she walk after that and he wasn't in the mood to let her) and they went to go on their shopping spree because he needed a new outfit to wear out of said shop since he's leaving this bathroom with a very visible and unmistakable wet patch on his trousers and they've still got more things to go and do like his tattoo and food so, that was the end of my dream except to say that when he wore his new outfit out of the shop his old one was in the bag and at some point before he left she stole his underwear out of it and put them into hers (because yeah he 1000% bought her some more stuff even though it's his bday, he's that bitch) so she could keep the underwear he jizzed in, because of course she did]

[decemberpdf]

Your ranting about how glorious communism is hilarious and pathetic on so many levels.

Your beloved Marx was a useless leech who never held a job all his life and lived off the money Engels made from the factory he owned. Engels himself came from a wealthy family who owned textile factories. He spent his whole life living off the working class he supposedly speaks up for. Not to mention his stupid ideas have failed in every country they were implemented, with disastrous consequences.

“Totalitarian states can never be communist” LMFAO if there’s anyone who needs to amp up their IQ and pick up a book it’s you. Every communist nation ended up a totalitarian hellscape. Ever heard of gulags? Go read an actual history book besides the trash penned by Marx.

Also, communists don’t give a damn about the working class. They’re all words and no action. Every shit-for-brains commie I’ve known hailed from a wealthy family and/or are nepo babies with too much money and too little brains. This is made ample by your undoubted hatred for Modi - a minister who actually hails from the working class. Annamalai too, in Tamil Nadu, is the son of a farmer but you’ll go and lick the boots of depraved wealthy turds like Stalin and his family of morons. It’s all about parroting the right words for you losers - the moment a working class person doesn’t see eye-to-eye with you, you brand them “class traitors” who are nothing more than bourgeoisie Lite. Think like me, vote like me, act like me, else you’re a traitor - and somehow we’re supposed to believe you’re NOT fascist. LOL.

Lastly - do you genuinely have anything useful to do in life besides being obsessed with hindublr and stalking our blogs? I reblogged this post months ago, and I’ve never interacted with you before, though I recognise you as the useless troll who goes around bothering my mutuals and constantly embarrasses themselves online. Go read actual literature and history besides the cesspool of demented ideas scrambled into incoherent words by fools who’ve had nothing better to do in their lives. I recommend J Sai Deepak as a starting point.

This is the first and last time I’m gonna bother interacting with a turd like you. Fuck off my blog and leave us alone. Pathetic weirdo.

Marxists are not found in farms or factories; they are found in colleges or government bureaucracy

Or, like Marx himself, the Marxists are found freeloading on trust-funds, or wealthy family and friends.

People who work for a living to produce tangible goods do not dream of a world in which some nebulous "other" is forced to provide them tangible goods for free.

Laborers dream only of a world in which no one makes their labor harder than it needs to be, and no one takes the fruits of their labor away from them without adequate compensation.

But people who only know how to place obstacles in other people's way and to take resources from others, will necessarily dream only of a world in which they have unlimited power to make life harder for the people they do not like, and to take as many resources as they want from people they do not like.

Marxists want to believe they can "manage" humanity into paradise because they are managers, not builders.

Marxists cannot understand the concept of "building" humanity into paradise. Building things is "beneath" a Marxist; anyone who builds things for a living is an enemy, and all enemies must be forced to build things that the Marxist gets for free.

Because the Marxist always wants for free something that cost someone else to make, they have no reason to ever achieve "true communism" because that would mean they have to get down in the dirt with the hideous factory workers and farmers they hate so much.

And then when their totalitarian state crumbles and falls around them, they dismiss their failure as "not true communism".

[punkscowardschampions]

Modie Pt.3

Moses: Am I dressed nice enough for you?

Edie: How am I meant to stop kissing you to do anything we’ve planned when you look like that?

Moses: We’ll have to do it all while you’re kissing me

Edie: You have stubble, it’s going to be all scratchy 😻

Moses: I left it cos I had the knowing you’d like it

Edie: It’s what makes you different, always had, mammy and the others all have soft skin, just daddy felt like that

Moses: They might, but yours is the softest

Edie: I am all your soft

Edie: your 💘 outside you

Moses: Can you feel how mine’s beating inside me right now?

Edie: I’m going to, we’re going to be that close again, all day

Moses: [tell her what drug/s you feel like you’re on and all the ways she makes you feel better than that because we’re feeling extra the closer y’all get to seeing each other irl]

Edie: I’m so desperately in love with you, do you feel that?

Moses: I’m going to 

Edie: You will when I can’t wait, when I was so nervous before and now

Moses: It’s cute how nervous you were

Edie: It might come back when it’s time but

Edie: right now I want to jump on you the second you’re through the door

Moses: [an updated eta giving however many seconds that is, because clearly he’s close af to Ali’s house now]

Moses: I’m almost there, I told you there’s that many of them for us

Edie: You did, you were right

Edie: I need a now though, I’m so, I feel like everyone can see

Moses: I need you now too

Edie: You want me to show you my music room, daddy?

Moses: Where the magic happens

Edie: Exactly

Edie: and I can’t go anywhere or concentrate on anything ‘til you’ve kissed me properly, touched me all the places you want to

Moses: You’d frighten your horse if I didn’t calm you down first

Edie: Horses, you said

Edie: or have you forgotten how good I am, I’ll remind you

Moses: What number did I say?

Edie: However many he’s got

Moses: Lucky you’re very good, or I’d have to go back on my word

Edie: You can tell me anything, do anything, I meant that

Moses: I know

Edie: You know I belong to you, in every way it’s possible to be owned by someone, I want that

Moses: Every part of you

Edie: Pin me down, overwhelm me

Moses: A soundproofed room’s asking for it as much as you are

Edie: How long have I been begging for it, daddy taking off my nice outfit and playing with me

Moses: Too long, but no longer

Moses: [because we gotta let you show up and knock, the way I know he’s holding flowers and a soft toy of some kind that’s probably massive even though it’s his bday not hers, never any chill]

Edie: [at least we are giving no one else the remotest chance to get to this door before us, the way we are flying at you, surprising you don’t end up on the cold hard ground with the force we’re jumping into your arms with, squashing this cuddly and lowkey getting stabbed by the stems of these flowers but we do not care, got to also squash him to death, doing such aggressive kisses all over his face as you’re just squealing daddy over and over because he’s here]

Moses: [me like the rest of the fam stay back please you don’t need to see this, Alison especially though I’m sure you’re lurking because you aren’t expecting him to show up at all never mind on time like he has, oh y’all would LOVE to end up on the floor rn but alas he is simply too strong and however hardcore she’s launching herself at him he’d be ready for it, in that sense at least, loling and grinning because he is buzzing to be here as well and blatantly loves her reaction to him being, rip to these flowers that are probably dropping petals left right and centre getting crushed because he’d be holding her so tightly to his chest rn immediately to feel his heart going insane and they would be crushed to their bodies with no fucks given, then just here basically spinning her around like this is a rom com because we’re so !!]

Edie: [bouncing in his arms in the rhythm of his heart which we know is insane, just looking excited to the point of actual mania about this, catching one of these falling petals and putting it in your bra to have next to your heart ‘you’re so romantic, I love you’ is romantic the word you would use with your dad, not really even though yes, this is very much giving but it could just be a misspoken phrase, nbd, making whatever stuffed animal this is give him kisses too, stroking his stubbly face as you do]

Moses: [not you also catching one of these petals and eating it because you said you’d eat her letter and her hair and want to put every part of her in your mouth and to me it’s giving how my boo wants to put Ang’s head in her mouth, that kind of energy but I’ve corrupted it as per haha, I sure hope nobody saw you do that sir because wtf, at least when you’re kissing this stuffed toy back in a very extra rom com kind of snog manner you can pretend it’s playful and you’re just being silly if anyone sees that and it isn’t just how you wanna kiss her but cannot here in this doorway]

Edie: [not you smacking this toy like a fuming child like absolutely not, unhand my father, so jealous, not knocking it out of his hands though because hiding behind how giant it is to do a lightning flash kiss how you want to, pulling his tongue into your mouth with your teeth and licking the remnants of this petal against your bottom lip]

Moses: [this poor toy getting used and abused but did we expect any less, no absolutely not, only letting it drop to the ground when he’s broken the kiss and it’s safe to do so, purely so he can adjust how he’s holding her to really be holding her tighter, as if he was going to drop her if he didn’t this animal but we all know he wasn’t and he’s just doing the most because !! the flowers are definitely gonna end up falling on the floor too, soz not soz, it just shows how little they matter because he flashes the cash and buys her things at any given opportunity anyway]

Edie: [the excited noises are unhinged, PRESSING into him like your life depends on it, doing more aggressive kisses that are almost like nips and going across his jaw to his ear so you can at least whisper ‘is it really you?’ pinching his cheek like you’re making sure]

Moses: [likewise PULLING her into him like both of their lives depend on it nbd, a sound that we can pretend is finally like oi/steady on/be careful/calm down at the nips she is doing but we both know is nothing of the sort and his jaw isn’t tensing because he’s annoyed at how much she’s being like a rational person would be, we’re just trying not to give ourselves away at the gig lol, pinching her back on both of her cheeks harder than she did it because gotta do it even though it isn’t as hard as he’d like to, which turns into a sort of play/tickle fight moment that would be wholesome if he was just her dad and she was a little kid but here is just flirty, like, he’s literally throwing her around and up and pretending to drop her/have her all but touching the floor only to be pulled back into him as an excuse to touch and manhandle her the absolute most + show off to her how strong he is as per]

Edie: [at least the way you are loling and screaming is giving such childlike energy no one is clocking the flirty vibes this is absolutely giving, the heart eyes likewise are just how you’ve always looked at him, nothing to see here, grabbing onto him like you’re actually in fear for your life and don’t just wanna, doing the whole put me down put me down but protesting too much energy so he knows not to]

Moses: [mhmm, the fact that this is the way they have always acted is doing them a lot of favours, if we can call it that when we wanna actually call the police lol, and will continue to, ramped up though we know their antics have been, I like to imagine that instead of putting her down he’s doing the opposite and carrying on these frankly lowkey dangerous antics towards and on the stairs, intending to take her up them to the music room (though I do think we should have Ali stop y’all from actually going up there whether that’s just by appearing like um where are you going don’t you have places to be?? Or if she actually wants to have a word with either Moses or Edie before they go because that kind of cockblock is realistic and I’m not just saying it to build the tension/for my dream’s sake), the way I’d be screaming not in a fun way at how he’s like dangling her about with no fucks given for the peril because I always told everyone off for playing on the stairs, true story about baby Junie] 

Edie: [it will be easy enough to cockblock y’all because everyone else can wanna say happy birthday to you, Junior would want to follow you into the music room so it’s not happening lads, deal with it]

Moses: [ah the joys of having a big fam, have fun actually having to interact with the other peeps that are around sir, Junior especially, even if this man is literally holding her hand after v reluctantly having to eventually put her down so that she can’t go far from him even then]

Edie: [your nephew and actively so because his dad is the best dad of the bunch so you really would know him quite well, the night and day of how you’re acting because she’s here so quiet now because of course you are when the reality sets in, would walk away if she could but we know we cannot without it being a thing ™ just picking up what you can of the trail of petals you’ve left in your wake, purely as a thing to do and distract]

Moses: [yep there’s really no avoiding that kid until a time comes when you can be like soz we gotta go and flee the scene, luckily you do have a full day of shit planned and peeps know you would because he’s that sort of bear whenever he sees her, they are never just chilling, leave get out and put her in the car like she’s a little baby child, lifting her in and doing her seatbelt and all the things, but letting this car just run for a sec and LOOKING at her instead of actually speeding off to your next destination of horse buying like are you okay because clearly not]

Edie: [sorry that when the mood dies the mood DIES as is the nature of what the fuck y’all are doing, still, regardless of that, you would want him to have a good birthday, so you aren’t trying to freak out in his face about it, just looking around his car/van/whatever like you can find out as much what he’s been up to lately as asking him because lowkey, looking up long enough to do a what are you waiting for kind of smile]

Moses: [^^ that is the tea and what y’all get when you’re living like this so you can’t really push her into staying here and having any kind of interaction rn and you’ve gotta just set off to get her whichever horse she falls in love with most in the hopes that’ll cheer her up and change the vibe back/at least distract her from the sad vibes]

Edie: [thanks for being a horse girl, Billie, very handy for us, we’re here hugging our knees to our chest in our seat, turning on the music so we can put on songs that are not us because we know you were listening to us before you got here and we cannot do that right now]

Moses: [maybe I’ll see if I can find any content of her that fits the horse vibe and post it as him, yikes her song would have come on automatically when the car started yeah because he was listening so that’s awks, change that girl so the car ride is semi bearable before y’all have horses to distract you]

Edie: [I has content if you would like it, will send it to you now but truly, the way we’d flinch like absolutely not lmao, hope these horses are not far because only so much you can do to pretend you’re fine when you aren’t fine, whatever music you’re putting on is definitely upbeat and loud af to do that heavy lifting]

Moses: [I’m sure they aren’t with where Ali is living needing to be in the countryside for its farm vibes and thank god because the mood has taken a DIVE, we can equally thank god that y’all have a full day of activities planned to keep on distracting you if the horses don’t cut it, the next, we know being golf/irish football, it was after that my dream kicked off so at least if you do wanna hear that it isn’t an insane tonal shift because some time between this angst and Winola’s feral dream essay]

Edie: [true true, you only have to suffer this silence that is literally deafening for so long before you’re distracted ‘cos you gotta test ‘em out and see who you bond with and he’s gotta do his thing of making a deal for it so you’re not gonna have time to be worrying about what just occurred/what has been, as for golf/irish football, pick which you’d rather because different vibes for each, both have merits]

Moses: [the dilemma of do we want y’all to be walking round a golf course just the 2 of you because on the negative hand it’s time to think again but on the other it’s time alone which could swing things back to a vibe they started on if she is cheered by horses etc, or do we wanna go with irish football which you can only watch and get invested in so you don’t have time to think much like the horse vibes, idk]

Edie: [mhmm but also it’s a crowd so you can have fun/let’s be honest, get drunk, so that’s where I’m personally swinging, whether that makes things better or worse, like you can get drunk whilst you golf too obvs and other people will be on the course but not going ‘round with you so that’s a very different energy lol]

Moses: [very true, let’s go with irish football, I know fuck all about it soz lads but I think it fits the overall vibe better and would be more likely to get y’all to a happier place than golf will]

Edie: [we don’t need to know, it’s fine, it’s not really the point, no offence lads, he’ll be rooting for someone, it’ll be the general atmosphere of a footie match, she picked it because it’s your kind of vibe, me just here thinking about the logistics of the horse though like, will you pick him up later, are you boarding him at ali’s or on the site that you don’t live at currently, no you haven’t thought this through lmao]

Moses: [it sums him up that he hasn’t thought about a single one of those logistics himself and I know for a fact he hasn’t even discussed this horse with Alison never mind asked her if she wants to keep it at hers and he likewise has not given a thought to who would look after it on site until he’s back if it goes there, I literally imagine he’s just gonna tell his sister that she has to until he’s back and Edie has her own caravan there for her bday to be living in if Ali can’t/won’t have it, the audacity of this man and his big life changing decisions he makes on a whim, excuse you sir this is a real live animal]

Edie: [like horses cost thousands per year, you best be intending to cover that boy because Alison will not see an animal suffer ‘cos you’ve not thought about it properly, we all know for that reason she would take it in but again, y’all will have to have a talk ‘cos she’s going to be like excuse me what do you mean and you can’t call her crazy ‘cos she’s not about to freak about the piercings nor you taking her to what is clearly a sketchy pub]

Moses: [thankfully the cost is one thing he can and would cover because yeah he really has not considered a single thing else about this as per usual and I’m sure he deffo would be trying to gatekeep gaslight and girlboss his way around this but as my boo says he truly cannot when it’s clear to everyone yet again how little you thought the horse through, damn, if I was Ali I would be TIRED, he’s like another child this man]

Edie: [we absolutely are but we’ll never be that bitch to say you can’t see your dad because what is that gonna do, make her go behind your back and do it and be against you, so you can’t win, all you can try and do is talk to her/try and make her see when he’s flopping but that’s not easy when Edie is willing to be pretty damn delulu about it all]

Moses: [anyway, I’m gonna drop my dream here because it can go from when they are at this sketchy pub, that fits and you can tell me if there’s any bits you like/wanna carry forward or what bits you don’t and if you wanna go in a different direction entirely, seeing as I had it and I wrote it down lol, bear with because it’s an essay]

*DREAM*

Edie: [the woman is too stunned to speak lmao but honestly, how are you recovering, how can you carry on, just walking around the rest of this day in a literal daze is the only way to describe it because none of this feels even a little bit real, thinking you’ve just lost your mind, nbd, for purposes of writing I’m wondering where we should skip to, like do we wanna do any of these activities or do we know the vibe?]

Moses: [yeah I’m wondering the same thing whether we know the vibes or if any of these other activities are worth discussing cos I don’t wanna go too hard and have too much happen if we’re saying everything in that dream did but as you said how are y’all just continuing on with said activities as if it didn’t lol, maybe we should skip to the meal as the final thing/him leaving? Because like, you’re busy when shopping and when getting tattoos and piercings but you can’t just eat food and cake in silence/even if you did you’ve still gotta say bye]

Edie: [that makes logical sense because you can be distracted by the world and your tasks everywhere else but if y’all are just having a meal alone, which I’m sure your mother talked you into after you trying to make it a whole family affair, like, there’s nowhere to run lads lmao; I know this restaurant you’ve picked for him is giving such STEAK energy because why are men, fighting for your life with your mostly plant-based diet but you’ve never been less hungry anyway so that’s not a problem, when the waiter has taken your order just looking at him literally like what now, as if he’ll have any more of a clue]

Moses: [like obviously we could be EVIL and say your siblings who would be interested in coming have even if Alison has not if we wanted cos they do have some level of relationship with him and we all know Junior would wanna tag along if nobody else, but regardless of if they are along or not he will continue to piss about to try and cheer her whether that’s playful footsie or it’s giving food fight/the Tony and Effy making a face and flicking food scene with the free bread rolls places like that give you, just being a childish dad]

Edie: [We could say just Junior, because Django wouldn’t want to come, the twins don’t know you like that because that’s after you and that just leaves Rio and imagine how deeply awkward that would be lmao, girl be busy because we’re not doing that, the subtle way you can ignore him without ignoring him by just involving Junior in these childish antics because he is one, I know he’s being a rascal and neither of you is doing anything about it]

Moses: [at least Junior is having a lovely time feeling like a big man with his meal and checking out this new tattoo and getting to misbehave because the way he’d be lowkey so annoyed that he cannot get her attention lol, just giving it all to Junior trying to make her jealous like she’s a child of his age and that’s gonna work]

Edie: [living his best life lmao and thank god because the fakery we’re coming at this with truly like nothing happened is madness but we gotta and won’t be swayed from that in front of Junior, absolutely not]

Moses: [casually the most awkward meal of all time, y’all will be so glad when you’ve gotta get this boy back so Ali can vaguely try and calm him down enough to do his bedtime routine which I know damn well this man will have kept him out past with no fucks given because he’s that sort of bear, not you literally playing her song during the car ride back because you wanna get a reaction out of her which isn’t fake, I say sir not in front of Junior please, god knows what this song is about]

Edie: [not you here acting like you didn’t publish this song for anyone/everyone to see, the dirtiest look as your face is BURNING like I can’t believe you’ve done this lmao, like Junior is gonna be asking her questions because he’ll know it’s her obvs like when did you make this, why didn’t you let me help etc etc like omg, here wanting to turn it off so badly but then he’ll be even more annoying like hey I hadn’t heard that before so you just have to let it play, crossing your arms and doing your best to ignore Junior which is no mean feat because he’s 7]

Moses: [when I just know he’s let Junior sit in the front with him and made her sit at the back because he’s annoyed she’s ignoring him so it wouldn’t be easy for her to turn it off if she wanted to and instead this man will be turning it up when she gives him a dirty look about it because petty king, literally here using the fact that he’s aware Junior is also a musical boy and will be bugging her and that he’s most likely to bug Edie out of everyone anyway because most like her and wants to be closest to her (not quite Grace and Rio levels but still), because he knows this child thanks to Ronan being a hands on dad, against her]

Edie: [at least you can lay across the backseats and turn away from them like you’re having a full teenage strop and aren’t having a far more real and existential moment here, covering your ears dramatically so Junior has to stop talking to you, going on your phone because it’s the easiest way to get Moses back here and now for doing this to you]

Moses: [never thought I’d be glad he drives dangerously with kids in the car but thank god he is speeding so the drive back to Ali’s from this restaurant wouldn’t be as torturously long as it could be, the way I know he’s just fully chucking these kids out of the car when they do get back with no intention of coming in to make sure they are sorted or speak to Ali, instead every intention of just driving away because he’s having his own teenage strop as a full grown man]

Edie: [the way we would not go in/would just be staring him down like are you serious right now, standing outside this car like are you going to do what I think you’re going to do or not]

Moses: [not you changing tact and following Junior in like you really care to make sure he’s okay etc purely to leave her standing by this car because so mature lol lol]

Edie: [so glad there are so many places to hide around here because you’re going to need to, you can tell Ali where Edie is, have fun with that, sir]

Moses: [me dying at his audacity to give Ali the brush off as well like soz gotta go I’ve got a long drive back bye under these circumstances, like ARE you gonna tell her where Edie is sir absolutely not because you don’t actually know in the same way you always get deets wrong and so you’ll just say she’s throwing a strop/upset you’re leaving etc etc that kind of vibe and leave Ali to find her like we all don’t know damn well what you did and what the truth is, please leave hun you’ve done quite enough on this day and you haven’t even told her about this horse yet either]

Edie: [my boo says oh you rat, the drama and the angst as she hears him driving off from the barn/wherever else she could be]

Moses: [it does give you the option though to come at me as either of them though depending how you’re feeling so that’s nice, the way this is like a lovers tiff storming off situation has SENT me, excuse me you’re her father not her boyfriend]

Edie: [I’ll come at you as Edie first, even if it doesn’t become a full conversation, giving the same night but later, like he’s had the time to drive back and get this message when he’s there energy]

Edie: Don’t bother coming back for my birthday, or, at least, don’t bother with me 

Moses: [giving even later like you got back and went out despite being in the pub with her before so there’s absolutely not need but you obvs have sorrows to be drowned]

Moses: I wouldn’t, you didn’t need to bother sending that message

Edie: Too late now

Moses: Past your bedtime, on you go

Edie: You’re no father

Moses: I’m the only one you’ve got, little girl

Moses: don’t you speak to me like that

Edie: I can speak to you however I want

Moses: That’s what you reckon

Edie: That’s how it is, you should’ve thought about a lot before you ruined everything

Moses: I should’ve? It was you who ruined my birthday

Edie: You’ve had plenty

Moses: Don’t go crying now

Moses: you knew what you were letting yourself in for

Edie: Crying?

Edie: I feel sick, you make me sick

Moses: I gave you what you wanted, maybe you are sick

Edie: You’re meant to know what’s right, meant to do it

Edie: not this

Moses: I’ve no time for this

Edie: Right, go back to having no time for me

Moses: I haven’t none if this is how you’re going to be 

Edie: Like what

Moses: Blaming us for your behaviour

Edie: Fine, fine

Edie: it’s all my fault

Moses: It’s not mine that you’re only a tease and everything you said was a lie

Edie: It’s not real life, today proved it, don’t blame me 

Moses: You’re blaming me when I did what yous told me you wanted, so what did I do wrong, exactly?

Edie: What do you mean, you know it was wrong

Moses: Why didn’t it feel wrong then?

Edie: It made the rest of the day wrong, I couldn’t be with you, you didn’t talk to me

Moses: You liked it, but whatever, blame me, yeah

Edie: You started it

Moses: You started it in your mammy’s house, give over

Edie: You don’t even care, what this means

Moses: You don’t care about my feelings, why would I yours?

Edie: You’re meant to love me

Moses: Did I force you to kiss me or invite us up to your music room before that? 

Moses: you said you loved me and plenty else, but I bent over backwards to prove mine to you today and you keep on throwing it in my face

Edie: I didn’t say you forced me

Moses: Because I’ve never

Edie: It ruined your birthday

Edie: I want you more than I want this, that’s my point

Moses: How you acted up ruined my birthday, now you want to talk after ignoring me half the day

Edie: I’m trying to explain

Edie: how could I act normal, after that

Moses: You didn’t stop us, if I’d known you were going to be in that mood about it I would’ve

Edie: I’m sorry

Moses: Too late

Edie: It’s not, you can take my birthday and do whatever you want

Moses: The birthday you’ve banned us from spending with you, sure, I’ll be in a proper mood myself to celebrate, won’t I?

Edie: You already weren’t coming back

Moses: ‘Course I was, I mean what I say, I’ll be living back it’s all arranged

Edie: Not bothering then, you know what I mean

Moses: Don’t speak for me

Edie: You said it

Moses: You’re welcome, here I am giving you what you’re after again

Edie: I just want us to go back

Moses: Well wes can’t, you pushed everything too far

Edie: Why won’t you try

Moses: How can I, I’m not allowed to see you and you won’t talk to me

Edie: Who said

Moses: You said

Edie: I said don’t bother because today wasn’t worth you bothering with

Moses: It wasn’t worth it to you cos I won’t give you your own way and a sorry when I’m not

Edie: You already got me [whatever you’ve called this horse] I don’t even need a birthday

Moses: I get it, you don’t want your surprise no more, don’t worry I’ll cancel what I had planned, there’s no need to cancel your whole birthday too, like

Edie: I don’t want any of it

Moses: I’m still not forcing you

Edie: I’m not a child, I don’t need a fucking birthday party, it’s so irrelevant

Moses: I wasn’t giving you one, I was giving you your own fucking ‘van like an adult

Edie: Yeah, cancel it

Moses: I am

Edie: Good, don’t waste your money

Moses: It ain’t ever wasted on you, that’s why I’ll transfer it instead, do what you want with it

Edie: You were never going to let me live with you, I don’t want the money either, none of it

Moses: Yeah I was, ask your mammy if you don’t believe us

Edie: No, you were going to put me in my own caravan, I don’t need to ask anyone

Moses: Because she were carrying on and on about you having your own room, I was going to put all your music stuff in it when her back was turned

Edie: Why could you just not get a two-bedroom ‘van?

Moses: I thought you’d like having one to decorate yourself, but what do I know

Edie: Forget about it

Moses: I have now

Edie: We aren’t the same at all, not even close

Edie: I was wrong about everything

Moses: You’re wrong about that for a start

Edie: I wanted to be a family, to have a room at my daddy’s, that’s it

Moses: No, you don’t want to live with me, you never did

Edie: Liar

Moses: You’re the liar, you said you wanted to sleep in my bed, that’s why I didn’t bother myself with 2

Edie: Is that all you cared about

Edie: You didn’t want me cluttering up your life, with my things, my presence anywhere but your bed

Moses: Christ alive, you are my life and what I cared about was sharing mine with you, it was your mammy talking of space, she said no unless I got some more

Edie: So you went with the more expensive option

Moses: Like I said, I thought you’d have fun with your own ‘van to play in

Edie: No

Moses: You’ve got a music room at your mammy’s, I only wanted living with me to be as good, I was going to find out how to build it into a proper studio, that’s all

Edie: I don’t care about things, that’s not what it was about, I don’t need you to give me endless gifts

Moses: I’m not sorry for trying to give you the nice things you deserve

Edie: It’s thoughtful of you 

Moses: Don’t patronise me

Edie: Fine, it’s thoughtful this time but all it reminds me of is every time it wasn’t, that’s the truth

Moses: Jesus

Edie: I hate it, I’m not sorry

Moses: You hate me, you hate my culture, you hate how I show I care about you

Edie: No I do not

Moses: That’s what you’re saying

Edie: Because I’d rather you showed up than sent me money or things? 

Moses: I do show up and when I can’t I want you to know that you’re loved and I’m thinking of you, I’m after making it up a bit that I’m not always there how some dads get to be, why’s that a fucking crime?

Edie: I’m sorry, I can’t help how it makes us feel

Edie: I’m ungrateful, you said so, so just don’t even try, I’m not worth it

Moses: You’re cruel, but I’m to blame for that too, everything’s my fault, you said so yourself

Edie: Why’d I say that, it’s clearly not true

Moses: Forget it, something else you’ve told us to do cos you’re blatantly of the mind yous can tell me what to now, many times as you like

Edie: That’s because that’s what I want, the only thing I want

Edie: You’d never tell me it were impossible before, nothing

Moses: So have it

Edie: So mean it

Moses: I can’t just mean something different the second you decide it’s what you want

Edie: There’s time, we can

Moses: Time for you to reject me, you did

Edie: That shouldn’t be a sentence we can even say

Moses: I know, that’s why all day I’ve tried not to be upset about it, not hold nothing against you

Edie: and I tried to be normal but I couldn’t

Edie: we shouldn’t have done it, it made both of those things and more impossible

Moses: I won’t do it again, I couldn’t take feeling like that a second time

Edie: I really am sorry, you know, more than I can put in words

Edie: I feel like shit too, if that helps

Moses: I heard you the first time

Edie: Don’t hate me

Moses: I don’t

Moses: I couldn’t, I love you too much

Edie: I never want to make you feel like that again either, I can’t stand that it happened the once

Moses: I’ll find somewhere else to put it, I should’ve known you couldn’t handle it

Edie: Don’t say that

Moses: It’s the truth

Edie: Wow

Moses: I wish it weren’t but it is, kid

Edie: Fuck you

Moses: What are you getting so angry for?

Edie: Don’t talk to me and you are banned from seeing me

Moses: Have it your fucking way, everything else is

Edie: If I can’t be loved that’s all your fucking fault

Moses: All I’ve ever done is love you

Edie: You take it away, you’ve never outright said it but now you have, now there’s no denying it

Moses: You took it away first, all you’ve said

Moses: I’m no father, I’m banned from seeing you, and the rest

Edie: You’re meant to be an adult, the adult here

Moses: I’m not allowed to be upset then, that’s grand

Edie: You’re meant to fix it

Moses: I don’t know how, you’ve turned everything around

Moses: you wanted this, now you don’t and you won’t give me a second to even try and catch up, all you’re doing is being mean to me

Edie: You wish you didn’t even love me

Moses: I wish I didn’t so much it’s made you hate me

Edie: I don’t

Moses: You do

Edie: No

Edie: I want you to love me unconditionally, that’s all I’ve ever wanted

Moses: What conditions have I ever put on you? I let you do what you want even though you’re a girl

Edie: That’s the problem, this adds conditions

Moses: No it don’t, you can’t stand that it happened, it won’t again

Moses: it’s done with

Edie: You don’t believe that, be honest

Moses: I believe you, how upset you are, even though you don’t care that I am

Edie: You just left

Edie: you didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t say anything about what happened

Edie: and you told my mammy I was sulking

Moses: You wouldn’t talk to us, it was for the best I left before I said things I didn’t mean

Edie: You didn’t say anything either

Moses: I was giving you time to come to me, I didn’t expect you to take what was left of the day and go mute at me or bring your brother out so you could avoid us

Edie: I invited whoever wanted to come, not just him

Edie: and that was when I was planning

Moses: I didn’t wanna rush you no more than I did force you, use that was, when you reckon I’ve done worse

Edie: I haven’t said that and I’m not going to, get that out of your head

Edie: It was like, you couldn’t even look at me anymore

Moses: Because if I’d have looked at you I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself and you needed me to

Edie: I didn’t ask you to stop

Moses: You are, and you have been since it happened

Edie: Because if you’re going to treat me like this then I can’t

Edie: having you care about me is more important than that

Moses: I was treating you as nice as I know how to, being more careful with you than I’ve ever been with anyone before

Moses: and you still reacted like that, felt sick about it, hated me for it

Edie: It wasn’t that I felt sick about

Edie: it was after, I keep saying

Edie: You tried to humiliate me in front of my little brother, you left me out on my own when you knew I was upset

Moses: I was upset too, I keep saying

Moses: you’re the only person who’s ever rejected us and the last I reckoned would

Edie: Then let’s go back, to when that wasn’t a possibility

Moses: I don’t want to, I want it to not be a possibility because you want me too

Edie: Daddy, come on

Edie: It was a disaster

Moses: Everyone’s first time is

Moses: [tell her some stories of yours from kisses to whenever you lost your virginity like see]

Moses: I can fix that, let me

Edie: I meant the fallout

Moses: There isn’t any if we talk to each other, I should’ve made you and I’ve the knowing to next time

Edie: But will we, or would this just happen again

Moses: Come on, baby, please

Moses: give us a chance, don’t I deserve one more?

Edie: Do you want me or do you just want your streak back

Moses: You know it’s you

Moses: I want you so bad you didn’t even need to touch me to be shown how much

Edie: That wasn’t just because of where we were

Moses: It’s because you’re special, it’s never happened nowhere else

Edie: Why?

Moses: What do you mean why?

Edie: I mean

Edie: I’m not special, I didn’t do anything

Moses: You are to me, it wouldn’t matter if you did nothing every time, it’s how you make us feel

Edie: It matters to me

Moses: I love you, I’ll always love you no matter what

Edie: and I’ll always love you too

Moses: I didn’t mean to hurt you, I was hurting thinking I’d lost you

Edie: You can’t lose me, only if you push me away

Moses: You were and I couldn’t handle it

Edie: I didn’t know what to say, I still don’t

Moses: Say I can spend your birthday with you, I won’t bring no presents ‘cept myself

Edie: You promise?

Moses: Promise

Edie: Okay

Moses: I’ll miss you

Edie: I’ve missed you

Moses: I’ll light a candle and wish to start the day over, be less of a cunt to you

Edie: I wanted it to be perfect for you

Moses: I know and I ruined it

Edie: Me too

Moses: If I could see you more I wouldn’t lose my mind when I do, it’ll be different when I’m home, better

Edie: How’s the tattoo?

Moses: [send her a pic]

Moses: How’s your [wherever she got pierced]?

Edie: I’m glad you’ve not tried to scratch it off

Edie: I can’t say I’ve given it any thought

Moses: You’re going nowhere, permanent like you wrote

Moses: did you take it out, you can tell me

Edie: No, it’s still in

Edie: I feel so stupid, today was meant to be the start of a new chapter

Moses: It’s my fault

Edie: It was an equal effort

Moses: Nah, you’re saying that to make me feel better

Edie: Weird of me to start now after being such a bitch

Moses: Your birthday is going to be perfect

Edie: It is?

Moses: Whatever it takes, I’ll be making a deal with god or the devil the night before, might hedge my bets and ask both for favours

Edie: You’d risk that for me

Moses: Before you was born I don’t reckon I even had a soul to gamble with, it’s yours and already on the line for you

Edie: I love you, I know you love me too, I feel it, always

Moses: I’ve no other reason to be here

Edie: You’re mine, I’ll keep you safe, do better

Moses: If you don’t want to be touched, I’ll not touch you

Moses: you’re safe with me

Edie: I did want to, you didn’t make me do anything

Moses: Your hair made me

Edie: I didn’t realise how alike it would make us look

Moses: Nor did I ‘til I couldn’t stop looking at you

Edie: Everyone knew I was your daughter

Moses: It’s right they do, wherever we are

Moses: you belong to us, inside and out

Edie: You’ve been inside me, I still can’t believe that happened

Moses: Not all of me yet, but enough I’ll have to touch myself to the sight of you in my head every night to be fit for anything else in the morning, yeah

Edie: Am I still there, on your fingers, even a little?

Moses: Can’t you still taste yourself in your mouth from mine?

Edie: I needed more, I didn’t want to stop

Moses: Me either but you’re not broken in like other women are, I have to remember to take it slow with you

Edie: No, I want to be like them

Moses: You don’t

Edie: Why not

Moses: I didn’t love them

Edie: You love me no matter what

Moses: And how I treated them would hurt you because you love me

Edie: Tell me

Moses: I wasn’t nice how I am to you

Moses: [why yes, it is time for a rough sex style overshare, just everything we can possibly imagine because lord knows how many ladies he’s slept with by this age, going into all the graphic details as per, being just horrible with how he’s treating these gals it’s not even hot it’s just derogatory]

Edie: That’s what they wanted

Moses: Yeah

Edie: And that’s what you wanted too

Moses: Right, they were there asking to be used and I did

Edie: So how can you change what you want that much?

Moses: I’m a changed man for you, told you

Edie: I think you’ll miss it

Moses: You don’t miss [something she kind of likes] when you’ve got [something that’s a fave]

Edie: You’ll get bored

Moses: I didn’t of your mammy, she did of me

Edie: You know it’s never been that

Moses: I know I’m not getting bored of you

Edie: You will if you treat me like I’m boring

Moses: We only have be careful at first, ‘til you’re used to me

Moses: it ain’t forever

Edie: Did you do those things to my mammy?

Moses: [tell her what you did because again, we love an overshare]

Edie: Do you find it weird that you and Ronan have both slept with her?

Moses: We both slept with Django’s mammy first, he can’t help but follow my lead, I’ve always lived exactly as I’m after, most can only envy it

Edie: I’m pretty sure she slept with him first, they were friends

Moses: She fought wanting to sleep with me but I could tell she did

Edie: Obviously

Moses: Point is, Ronan’ll have taken more of my leftovers, I know, I just haven’t bothered myself to ask who or when

Edie: I miss him, it’s a shame they didn’t work out

Moses: What’s to miss?

Edie: I don’t know, it was just nice having him around

Moses: Come and live with me, that’ll be nicer, promise

Edie: I don’t know

Moses: Why not?

Edie: I’ll just visit instead

Moses: Talk to us, why don’t you want to?

Edie: The idea is tainted now

Moses: It don’t have to be

Edie: I want to stay at home

Moses: Long as you know you can have a home with me

Moses: your original idea was to stay and both of us take care of each other

Edie: The trusts not there now, for either of us

Moses: I trust you, but fine, you don’t trust your daddy

Edie: My ideas were stupid

Moses: No they weren’t, you’re too smart for that

Moses: I’ll say no more about it though, you’ve made up your mind and that’s probably another smart idea itself

Edie: You don’t have to worry about talking to me, just say when you’re back

Moses: Oh sure, not as if I want to talk to yous or anything

Edie: Sometimes you get something and find out it’s not what you wanted, right

Moses: I don’t, you’re speaking for yourself there

Edie: Well, lucky you

Moses: You’ve no need to be scared

Edie: I’m not 

Moses: You’re not going to be boring, even if you live to be 133 like I’ve plans to

Edie: I don’t even know if I wanna live to 33

Moses: Don’t say that

Edie: What’s the point, seriously

Moses: You’re my point, what would I do without you?

Edie: You can have another point

Moses: Or I can go [an geographically appropriate way of killing himself for where he is rn, whether that’s a river or whatever it is] and I would

Edie: I never said I was going to do anything

Edie: Una would haunt me, if you can haunt other dead people

Moses: I’d haunt you too

Moses: there’s no replacing you, no more talk like that

Edie: You could though, Liam’s ma would really have to be going some to be in with a shot

Moses: Shut your mouth, I could never

Edie: Are you scared of death?

Moses: You dying, give a fuck about what happens to me

Edie: I’ll try not to

Moses: Mind you try your hardest for my sake

Edie: ‘Course

Moses: I’d be lost without your visits, can’t wait for ‘em to start

Edie: You’re a nerd

Moses: Liar

Edie: Sadly not

Moses: Pathological, can’t stop, look at yous

Edie: Shut up, loser

Moses: Make me

Edie: Yeah, you wish

Moses: You wish you weren’t all talk, you mean

Moses: I’ll get over it

Edie: Oh good

Edie: You can stop annoying me then

Moses: Night then

Edie: Bye

Moses: [do go because you always rudely will haha]

[daddyscore]

Virender Sehwag, along with other cricket stars, fucked over Maldives Row.

Indians are furious about the contentious remarks made by well-known people in the Maldives about India. Prominent cricket players such as Virender Sehwag, Sachin Tendulkar, Irfan Pathan, Suresh Raina, and others have denounced the 'racist' comments directed at India and urged their fellow countrymen to discover the splendour of India's beaches.

Reactions to Prime Minister Narendra Modi's visit to the union territory of Lakshadweep have been a source of controversy due to disparaging and "anti-Indian" statements made by Maldivian politicians, leaders, and other public figures.

Former opener for India Virender Sehwag responded sharply to the unjustified remarks made about PM Modi and India.

Sehwag penned on X, There are a ton of undiscovered locations in Bharat that have a ton of promise with the right infrastructure, whether they be the stunning beaches of Udupi, Paradise Beach in Pondi, Neil and Havelock in the Andaman Islands, or many more stunning beaches across our nation.

Bharat is renowned for turning all Aapda into Avsar, and the Maldivian ministers' jab at our nation and Prime Minister is a perfect opportunity for Bharat to build the exact infrastructure needed to attract visitors and strengthen our economy. Please list your top undiscovered, stunning locations.

Former Indian all-rounder Irfan Pathan remarked, "Every new country I visit strengthens my belief in the exceptional service offered by Indian hotels and tourism." Irfan Pathan has traveled extensively since he was 15. It is depressing to hear disparaging comments on my country's exceptional hospitality, even though I admire the cultures of other nations.

Prior to this, renowned cricketer Sachin Tendulkar praised Sindhudurg, a coastal town in Maharashtra, on social media for its stunning beaches and unspoiled islands.

We celebrated my 50th birthday in Sindhudurg 250 days ago, according to Sachin! The seaside town provided all of our needs and then some. We have a wealth of memories from the stunning settings and the amazing hospitality. India is endowed with pristine islands and gorgeous beaches. We have so much to discover and so many memories ready to be made thanks to our Atithi Devo Bhava concept.

[melodic-melovin]

Mélovin Health Update 2.0: I'm going to beat Mark Zuckerberg to death with hammers. (11/14/2023)

SO. If you are wondering about this very bizarre title, as it turns out, Instagram has a captions system! However, said captions only appear on, get this, Zuck the Cuck's fucking piece of shit app and not desktop or mobile browsers (which is what I use to access Insta solely for the sake of Melposting). On top of, Instagram stories are not easily intuited/accessible through browser like they are in the app, either.

It turns out there were CAPTIONS to go with the video and stories posted and Mel actually states that what he has been diagnosed with, which is diabetes.

Let me emphasize, again: HE HAS DIABETES.

(I was presuming Type 2 since Type 1 would have been found much earlier in his life, however I saw once source claim that this is actually a rarer genetic form called MODY diabetes. Take that with a grain of salt.)

On top of this: YES, IT WAS INDEED AN ERROR ON INSTAGRAM'S TRANSLATION. The key word was in fact incurable, *NOT* terminal.

(Now granted, this doesn't mean Mel doesn't have some issues with his liver as a result of the diabetes diagnosis - as stated in the previous post, steatohepatitis is a complication that can *result* from diabetes, and that condition is mentioned in the corner of one of the medical forms he also posted in his Insta story.)

Is this still bad? Of course it is, again, no one likes being diagnosed with a chronic and potentially debilitating illness. However, it does not seem to be nearly as bad as Instagram clearly led us to believe, and Mel is young and already getting treatment, I have confidence in his health. Lesson learned, though: do not rely on machines and algorithms for your translations.

Everything else in the previous post still stands as is, with regards to how this was diagnosed, and that it is still unknown how this will impact music and performances going forward.

HE IS NOT DYING, not yet anyway, now everyone go stream/listen to Один не Один while I go kill Mark Zuckerberg.

[autism-purgatory]

I decided to do an intro to WanderStruck!

⚡️ WanderStruck! ⚡️

Modi, on the day of his coronation as a member of the Neretian Royal guard, is suddenly very far from home, and by far, I mean another universe. Will the reckless knight find his way home?

Modi is pulled into the “normal” world by a rift in reality and some freaky robot arms. He’s now in Los Angeles and has absolutely no clue how to get home. Luckily, he won’t be alone in his messy journey.

⚡️ Our lose- I mean protagonists ⚡️

Modi (22): The focus character at least for the first five chapters. He’s from Ouria (a fantasy world where a good chunk of my wips take place), more specifically Neretia, a series of small islands between two mega-continents. He’s next in line to be the king’s personal royal knight. His father, Taos, is the current one. Modi is reckless, fearless, and maybe a little stupid. He faced a dragon when he was 15 and won (he lost an eye, an ear, and a few fingers but shhhh) which has made him the most popular knight on the islands. He also has an older half sister!

Magni (26): Tired, Snarky, and probably going to snap into a fit of rage any moment now, also she’s a rain witch. Magic in Neretia, like most magic in Ouria, happens when you bind yourself to a certain entity (I wouldn’t call them gods bc they more resemble concepts than deities, but they appreciate the worship nonetheless). The dragon gods of Rain and Thunder ditched Neretia a long time ago for reasons explained in another WIP that don’t matter here, but the ability to link yourself to them lingers. Magni is constantly overshadowed by Modi, despite the fact that she is freakishly good at rain magic, which also includes manipulation of moisture and liquids in general. They don’t like each other, and the worst part is that whenever Modi gets injured it’s usually her problem. And now that Modi is missing, it’s her job to find him.

And finally, Ray (Or Raymond, 23): Quiet, rambling, and complete fucking nerd. He’s fresh out of college who recently got accepted into WanderTech, a company that’s helped with space flight and exploration technology since the 80’s. They also dabble into plenty of other things like black holes and quantum physics. Their biggest project, Chronos, involved multiverse travel. They’ve only found one world, that being Ouria. They have freaky little spider/squid bots called Pilgrims that retrieve artifacts from Ouria. Ray was allowed to spectate a certain experiment which involved retrieving a person from Ouria, which surprise surprise, turns out to be Modi. The experiment goes a little haywire and they couldn’t bring him directly to their labs, but it’s no big deal, right? RIGHT?

So these three eventually team up to get back to Ouria, though there’s plenty of other people who help (and chase) them along the way. There’s gay stuff, sibling rivalry, daddy issues, family tree issues, dragons, robots, evil corporations, you name it!

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