#fuck me i'm looking at their European dates

[thisismyobsessionnow]

The halo effect, fucking legends

[mindmelter]

Serving The Alien And Its Puppets - Part 2

"I will be waiting inside the car," The Arab prince said. He was now just a puppet for the Alien Master, his pretty head was filled inside with alien slime.

The Alien Master liked the Arab Prince so much that he switched his original form from my stepbrother's body to the Prince. My job today was simple and easy, all I had to do was help put some alien slime inside my hot coworkers... Of course, I'm being ironic, I was very nervous about the whole thing.

The company I worked for was mostly made up of Middle Eastern men and all of them were very hot. I was one of the few with European descent, and it was torture for a gay guy like me to work with such fine specimens.

Typically, the Alien needs to assimilate a brain per day, sometimes two. However, today he expressed his desire to assimilate every person at my workplace. I was perplexed and attempted to ask him why, but he just told me to be quiet and do as I was told.

I was very excited but also a little nervous. Once inside the building, I spotted my first victim, Ibrahim, the receptionist, sitting on a chair distracted by his phone, not even noticing me walk in.

Ibrahim worked at the front desk, he was a tall, muscular guy with a grumpy personality. All I knew about him was that he was a ladies man, and he wouldn't stop talking about pussy. I smiled to myself, he would be perfect.

I slowly walked to his desk and put a purple slime on his table, Ibrahim looked at the purple blob, and before he could say anything the slime leaped onto his face, squirming its way into his nostrils and burrowing towards his brain. He let out a deep, guttural grunt, his eyes rolling back as violent convulsions overtook his body. His muscular arms hung limply by his sides, his head drooping backward. That moment, I knew the transformation had begun—the slime was already feeding, replacing Ibrahim's brain with something new, something better.

Ibrahim then looked at me, with the same lust that every puppet would always give me. "Come here boy, you're going to get what you deserve!" He said, his voice now husky and deep, he pushed me down on my knees and unzipped his pants, freeing his huge, hard cock. "Suck on it while I talk with my date for tonight!" He ordered. "I usually would never let a fag like you have a taste of my cock, but you are my Master's human slave and your job is to serve his puppets!"

I started sucking as he kept thrusting his hips forward, I took his entire cock into my mouth, sucking and licking it as best as I could. He moaned loudly, his hips bucking against my face as he fucked my mouth, his eyes were on the phone all the timeand. He quickly came down my throat. "Drink it all, human."

"What the fuck is happening here?" Mr. Tarek, our supervisor asked as he walked into the room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me with my face buried in Ibrahim's crotch.

Ibrahim quickly coughed one purple slime and threw it on the floor, the small slime quickly crawled and disappeared under Mr. Tarek's pants. Mr. Tarek groaned as the slime forced its way inside his ass, seconds later Mr. Tarek was also a puppet for the alien.

"Come here human slave, you're going to be our slut now," Mr. Tarek ordered. I stood up and walked to him, he pulled me for a sloppy kiss, while I unbuttoned his shirt.

Mr. Tarek was such a hot Daddy, I always wondered what he looked like under his clothes, especially his huge pecs, now I not only knew how I could feel too. I ran my hands on his meaty pecs and started to suck on his nipples as he moaned. "That's a good slave, suck on Daddy's tits," He moaned, and I did as I was told.

I lost myself in those pecs until I felt Mr. Tarek's hand pull me away by the back of my hair. "That's enough, you still have others to help convert into our Master's puppets." He then coughed another slime and handed it to me.

He was right, the Alien Master was waiting for me outside, I could play with these puppets later, it was time to move on to the next victim. I knew exactly who was going to be next, walking inside the other room I spotted the young intern, Khalid. I felt a little guilty, Khalid seemed like a nice guy, but after seeing the bulge in his pants it passed away.

He was sitting at his desk when he noticed me and welcomed me with a warm smile. "Hey Eric, can I help you with something?" he asked.

I stepped closer, my heart racing as I approached him with a blob of purple slime moving on my hand, his eyes widened in surprise and confusion. "What the hell is that?" He stuttered, standing up and moving away from me.

I didn't respond, after all, what could I say? "Hey, Khalid? Would you let me put this goo inside your head so it can feed on your brain and replace it with a slime?"

So I just threw the slime toward him, but I failed when he protected his face with his hands, making the slime fall to the floor. He then ran to the door, he was about to walk out, but he bumped right into Mr. Tarek's large pecs.

"Mr. Tarek, you need to help me! Eric has with him some weird creature!"

But Mr. Tarek looked completely blank and unresponsive as he blocked the door with his body.

"Mr Tarek?" Khalid asked. He was starting to question why the supervisor was with his shirt open, and was that saliva on his nipples? but before he could react, Mr. Tarek grabbed Khalid by his chin and forced a kiss, Khalid tried to fight but Mr. Tarek was stronger.

I could see some purple slime being passed from Mr. Tarek's mouth and into Khalid's, the intern's eyes went wide in shock, and then his body went limp as the alien slime started to take over his body.

Mr. Tarek then whispered into his ear, "Welcome to the family, Khalid." with that, Khalid nodded and gave me an eerie smile.

"Take off your pants and bend over my desk, now!" Khalid said with a commanding tone, but his voice was the same, it was terrifyingly sexy. I felt my face flush red, seeing innocent Khalid acting in such a dominant way made me very hard.

As I bent over the desk, I soon felt Khalid's hands on my ass, ripping my underwear and spreading my cheeks as he buried his face and started to eat my ass. I was in heaven until I felt a hard slap on my ass.

I looked behind me and saw Ibrahim, Mr. Tarek, and Khalid, all standing together behind me without their pants and with their hard dicks pointing at me. Suddenly they all started to speak in unison.

"The Alien Master is angry that you almost let one of his puppets run away, he wants us to punish you!"

The three of them took turns, one fucking me hard while the others watched and stroked themselves.

Ibrahim was first, his thick cock pushing into me without any mercy. I moaned loudly, feeling him fill me up and stretch me wide open. He fucked me hard and fast, his grunts and groans echoing through the room. Mr. Tarek was next, his cock was even larger than Ibrahim's, and he was not gentle either. He grabbed my hips and pounded into me, making the desk shake beneath us, pens, papers, and a mug, all fell to the floor. Lastly, Khalid, his cock was thicker than the others and he took his time, savoring the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of me.

The Alien Master, watching through their eyes, was enjoying the show. His slime was pulsing inside each one of them, making their cocks even harder and their strokes more aggressive. When the three finished inside me, I stood up with three loads leaking from my ass and smirked at them.

"There's still plenty of puppets to make, give me one more copy," I said.

But the three just laughed at me and spoke in unison. "Master don't want you to help him anymore! We will do the takeover from here, you will just watch."

I sighed. It seemed that I had really angered the Alien Master, and now I feared for the future of my brain. I nodded and followed them to the next office. I watched as they forced a kiss on the other men, and within seconds, those men would be under the alien's control, forcing a kiss on other workers. They moved swiftly and efficiently, and before I knew it, the entire floor was filled with puppets.

There was Amir, a muscular Daddy fitness enthusiast, who worked as the manager. He was so huge that it took both Ibrahim and Mr. Tarek to hold him while Khalid infected him with the slime.

Amir was known around the office for his stern demeanor and unwillingness to be dominated by anyone. Now, under the alien's control, he was leading a group of his fellow converted colleagues toward the next department.

Then, there was also Karim, the office gossip, he spread a rumor once about me ogling the men's bulges, now his mouth was used to spread the alien's slime rather than rumors.

I was kneeling between his legs, looking up at him as some commotion was going on in the background.

"You like staring at our bulges huh? You're such a perverted human," He said as he shoved my face into his bulge, his hard cock pressing against my face. "If you like staring at men's bulges so much, then here it is!" I couldn't help but feel a bit of spiteful satisfaction as I started to lick the bulge in his pants, feeling it pulse and throb in my tongue.

"There you are!" Amir called from behind, yanking me up by the shirt collar. "Omar wants to have a word with you!"

"Can you carry me in your arms? My ass is really sore." I asked, trying to give him my best puppy eyes. Amir took me in his huge strong arms as if I was made of paper, as he carried me to Omar's office, I caressed his pecs.

Then there was finally Omar, the office heartthrob and the executive assistant. Whose hot body was now a vessel for the alien slime. Amir put me down on my knees as I looked up at Omar sitting on his chair, he was holding a mug.

"They put some slime copies on the coffee machine; I have to admit, that's pretty clever," Omar said as he stood up, loosened his tie, and approached me with a hungry look. I knew what was coming next.

"You've been a naughty human, Eric," he purred, his voice low and seductive. "Our Master thinks you need a more thorough lesson in obedience."

The other puppets walked into the room forming a circle around me, Omar pushed me to my knees and ordered me to unbuckle his belt and blow him. His cock grew before my eyes, the slime making it swell and pulse with an otherworldly need. I couldn't resist the urge to touch it, to feel the power of the alien through this beautiful vessel of a man. He groaned as I wrapped my hand around his shaft, stroking it gently before taking it into my mouth. The puppets gathered around us, their eyes gleaming with lust as they watched me service Omar.

Omar let out a primal roar, tearing open his dress shirt to reveal his perfectly sculpted, hairy chest. One by one, the others followed his lead, ripping their shirts apart with a savage fervor, there was no humanity left in them. It was like watching a scene from a twisted sci-fi porn, where the alien's insatiable hunger was not just for brains, but for power and sexual control.

They were all jerking off around me and soon they came at the same time, all over me. I was a mess, covered in the cum of 32 men, but I didn't care. I felt like I was part of something big, something powerful.

I felt like a slut in a sea of hot, alien-controlled men, and I couldn't help but love every second of it.

After hours of servicing those men, I walked out of the building, feeling used but oddly satisfied. I couldn't believe I just helped turn all my coworkers into brainless hosts. The copies filling their heads don't need to feed like the original Alien inside the Arab prince, so they would go back to their old lives as normal, the slimes would act just like them, only I would know what was inside their heads.

I stepped inside the car where my Alien Master was waiting.

"I'm fed and satiated for now, you almost did a good job, my human slave," he said, his voice still deep and commanding.

"Thank you-"

"I said 'almost', you almost let one of those humans run away, he would have if it wasn't for one of my puppets. That's what I get for trusting a human."

"I helped you turn my stepbrother and stepdad into your dumb puppets! What else do I need to do so you can finally trust me?" I said. But when I looked at the prince's face, I immediately regretted it. "I'm sorry Master, I promise-"

"Quiet," he cut me off. "You will be punished for that later, now give this puppet a blowjob while I drive us to his hotel!"

I took the Arab Prince's cock into my mouth as he drove off. Once at the hotel, I decided to take a shower, I needed a good shower to take the sweat and cum from the day's events off my body.

I walked out naked of the bathroom, there was no reason for modesty anymore. I saw the prince smoking on the balcony, looking over the city lights, he then turned to look at me.

"Sorry for being too harsh on you today, my human." He said, blowing out some smoke.

I couldn't tell if he was mocking me or being sincere, but I didn't dare to question it. "I've been thinking, you have been a great companion to me, I never thought I would ever let a human with an intact brain for so long, I hope you realize how special that makes you."

I was speechless, it was the first time the Alien Master was being kind to me.

"Thank you, Master," I murmured,

The Prince then sat on the bed, his cock already hard again, he looked at me with hunger in his eyes.

"Come here, my sweet human," he ordered, and I knew I had to obey. He grabbed me by the waist and gently pushed me onto the bed, spreading my legs and climbing on top of me.

His huge cock slid into me easily, and he started to fuck me with a slow, deliberate rhythm that made me moan.

This was different from the other times. The Arab Prince, or rather the Alien Master, was not as rough. His movements were tender, almost loving, and his eyes bore into mine as he whispered how much of a good human pet I was.

As he thrusted, he was pinning my hands above me on the bed as he kissed my neck. Once we came, The Alien Master cuddled me in the prince's muscular arms, his cock still hard inside me. It was the closest thing to affection I had ever felt.

"Who do you think should be the next puppet?" He asked.

"I'm thinking of Mr. Wahid's son? he's a hot arrogant hunk, just like his dad."

Suddenly the prince's eyes became completely purple, scaring me for a second, it was the first time I was seeing it.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm accessing the copy inside Mr. Wahid's mind right now," Right, sometimes I forget that the Alien can have access to all his puppet's memories at any moment. The prince's eyes went back to normal.

"It looks like his son is traveling for a business trip, but he will be back tomorrow morning, It'll be the perfect opportunity."

"I agree, Master."

"Then you should get some sleep; we're heading to the airport in the morning."

[max1461]

Continuing on with my America/Europe dichotomy, and this one's gonna be a doozy. This one's for the real thinkers. Ok so basically, Americas are uh, patriarchal and Europes are Oedipal. Ok. Look. This one, right, you're really gonna have to follow me on this one.

Look. In America, right, we do the whole single family home, like, patriarchal homestead medieval Icelandic family farm thing, the man is in charge of the house, rugged individualism and/or suburbia. But it's patriarchal. American man goes out and gets a hot trophy wife, who looks good and bleach blonde hair and signifies "this man is a Real Man, cause he got a hot trophy wife". Wife is like a fast car, wife is like a ferrari you get, to show off. For the American man. Remember China is also an America. Chinese gucci fuckboy chainsmoking guy needs to own a house, he needs to own a house and make one bajillion dollars to land a Chinese beauty standards thin and swan-necked hot Chinese babe to go with his gucci and his car. JUST like American man. Remember that China only ever had one empress in its million year history. Patriarchal.

In a Europe, right, every man wants to fuck his mom. He just does, I've met European men. They all want to fuck their mom. Italian guys? Fuhgeddaboudit. His wife is NOT a trophy to show of to other guys. He will expect her to cook, clean, wipe his ass. And there's this reputation, I know because I have family members who habitually date European men, there's this reputation where they literally live with their mom who cleans their underwear until they move in with their wife and now she cleans his underwear and pops out sixteen Catholic children. Right? Europe is oedipal. Ancient multi-generational homes... it breeds wanting to fuck your mom wanting a fucking mom-wife. Japan has had nine empresses. Squarely a Europe.

This is the source of all the other differences. They don't mind reusing old bathwater in Japan for the same reason moms don't mind when their kids barf on them... in America we don't mind poisonous chemicals in our food because young men don't care about that kind of shit. This is the fundamental difference.

IDEAL state of affairs, ok, is to be born in a wild and crazy America such as America or China, or maybe Russia (edge case), and then move to a nice and peaceful Europe in adulthood. They're great at walkable cities and shit in Europes, they love that shit. Doing what mommy tells them. And as an American it's a breath of fresh air. But it's important to be born and raised over here, you see, so you have that fuck you attitude, so you don't want to fuck your mom. Have I ever told this story? My grandad ate rat poison once, when he was a kid in the great depression riding the rails. I'm not making this up. Apparently he ate so much that his body didn't even try to digest it and it went right through him. He was fine. 🇺🇸

[spiderhanzzz]

"I'M FUCKING SPIDERMAN, BABY" — han jisung.

who would've guessed that the guy you've been texting on tinder is spiderman?

word count: 2.7k

pairings: spiderman!han x journalist intern!reader

genres: humor, fluff, slight angst, comfort, kind of fake dating???

warnings: swearing, drinking, han is referred to as peter, reader and han are both uni students, mentions of vomit and violence, mild injuries, lowkey blackmailing if u squint, no use of y/n & gender neutral reader, han calls reader "pretty" once, usage of "baby" and "sweetie" too

playlist: les childish gambino, dare gorillaz, novacane frank ocean, i bet you look good on the dancefloor arctic monkeys, making the bed olivia rodrigo

a/n: my first fic raaahh!!! >:3 so so excited for u 2 read all these crazy ideas swirling inside my head

“...whoever provides the information on Spider-Man’s real identity will receive a cash prize of $1,000 US dollars…”

Your gaze bores to the glow of your old crappy TV. You haven’t had the time nor funds to purchase a new one, given that your only employment at the moment is a journalistic internship. It’s a good agency, the same one reporting on screen right now, and you acknowledge how hard you had worked to get the position. Nevertheless, you wish you prioritized financial gain over prestige, because now you’re stuck in your run-down apartment in New York, investigating the biggest issues for no money at all.

So you guess it’s not that big of a deal that you have no leads on who the hell Spider-Man is. If any higher-ups scold you, you could just hit them with those snarky remarks you’ve kept in the back of your mind all this time. How do you expect incentive from me if you’re not even paying me? I’m writing all your scripts because everyone else is a damn deadbeat! Maybe then they’ll start appreciating you.

You released a heavy sigh. All this nonsense is giving you a permanent headache, and it doesn’t help that you spend most of your free time scrolling mindlessly on your phone, which lights up with a new text notification the moment you start thinking about it. Perhaps you’ve spent so much time on your phone it’s becoming a part of your brain?

Peter Han: hahah tbh im pretty busy this week, but i’ll let u know for sure :)

A light shade of embarrassment tints your face when you catch yourself smiling at the text message. Usually Peter— the cute guy you’ve been texting on Tinder— never uses any emoticons. In fact, he’s been acting pretty uninterested and dry with you, which wouldn’t bother you as much if it weren’t for the fact that you desperately need a date to your friend’s birthday party next week.

Despite your humiliatingly destitute lifestyle, you pride yourself for your unmatched abilities to blend into any crowd. So like any other New Yorker, you decided to surround yourself with upper class Manhattan socialites. They like you; they don’t need to know about your financial status.

But with great power comes great responsibility, and with great social life comes great expectations. Last week it was a certain Kate Spade wallet with the intentions to match with the whole group of girls, and the week before it was table manners at a European restaurant (how in the hell were you supposed to know which fork to use for a crème brûlée?) This week, though, they gave you the most impossible task of all: get a date.

And you would. Truly, you would. It’s not like you’re particularly unattractive or unlikeable or anything like that. It’s just that you haven’t dipped your toes into the dating pool since university started, and you’re too far gone now. Your peers are fluent in these unspoken rules of dating and you don’t even really know what a situationship is.

Thus why you’re acting a little bit too desperate with Peter.

As you draft a response to him— is it better to use two or three y’s in hey?— your train of thoughts are interrupted by a loud thud on your balcony, followed by a shadow of vibrant colours. Your couch is situated safely so you can see right out the window, but angled in a way that someone outside wouldn’t be able to see you inside. You found this hack on social media on a particularly paranoid rush of nerves and thanked whoever that person was every single night.

Hesitating for a minute, you consider your options: a) attempt to fight off whoever is in your building, b) run out and alert security, or b) pretend like you didn’t hear anything and pray you don’t see your own face on TV tomorrow instead of Spider-Man’s.

If you were acting rational you would have chosen the last option. After all, it’s New York— if there’s anything prevalent here, it’s crime. But you are just so fucking bored. 

So you grab a baseball bat and swing open the window. 

“Get the hell off my balcony, dude!”

To your surprise, you stand face to face with a pair of dangling Converse All-Stars (really dirty ones, too). In your spur of confusion you come to the conclusion that whoever is sitting above your flat has the ugliest red socks you’ve ever seen in your life.

“What the fuck, man?” The person exclaims. “You bruised my knee!”

“That sounds about right for messing with my place, no?” You say, stepping out onto the balcony to get a good look at the stranger.

Just when you think you couldn’t get more disoriented, you realize the man you’re looking up to is not a stranger at all. It’s none other than Peter Han, in a full on Spider-Man suit.

“Peter…?”

The stranger, AKA Peter, breathes out a nervous laugh, raking his hand through his messy hair. Cute, you think.

“I think you mistook me for someone else. I’m not Peter.”

“Okay…” You say dubiously. “Why are you wearing a Spider-Man suit then?”

“I’m a… uh… cosplayer?”

When his eyes meet yours, the truth sings: he’s been caught. Peter Han is Spider-Man.

He’s terrified, you can tell. You don’t blame him— you would be too in his position. But it’s not just the fact that you know now; it’s also the mischievous glint twinkling in your eyes. Just what the hell are you thinking about that could be so amusing right now?

“W-what’s that look for?”

You can’t hold it in anymore. Maniacal laughter bursts out of you like you’ve been possessed by the spirit of a circus clown, and you have to hold on to the balcony railing to stop yourself from falling over. “Oh, Peter, you naive little fool.”

Peter’s brows furrow in confusion. You mentally curse yourself for admiring how handsome he looks when he doesn’t know what’s going on.

“Didn’t I tell you? I’m on the case to find out Spider-Man’s identity. Well, your identity, I guess.”

“You did not tell me that.”

“Yes, I did.” You cross your arms over your chest, shooting him a judgemental look. “You’d know that if you paid any attention to what I have to say.”

“Look, listen…” Peter braces his lean arms on the side of the window to lower himself on your balcony. Standing face to face, you note that he’s not as tall as you thought. “I know I haven’t been the warmest person to you, but I would literally get on my knees and beg for you to please not tell anyone about this.”

You hum in amusement, taking a step closer to him and raising your chin with undoubted sanguine. Like this, you’re almost the same height as him. “As tempting as that sounds, I’d rather have you doing something else for me.”

Peter chuckles in disbelief, eyes wandering to the sky as if to ask God what have I done to deserve this absolute nonsense? His palms rest upon your shoulders when he looks you dead in the eye and says, “You are not blackmailing me, sweetie.”

“That’s a lot of confidence for someone who has very blackmail-able secrets.”

“That’s not even a word!”

“Whatever.” You peel away his hands from your shoulders, straightening your posture and pulling your shoulders back. Peter faces you with a puzzled gaze as you offer him your hand, clearing your throat and stating, “Peter Han, I would like to make a deal with you.”

He doesn’t move. “And that is…?”

“Date me.” Seeing his face contort into an even deeper state of befuddlement, you follow up with elaboration. “One date to a party next week, and just a few meet-ups and texts to prove that our relationship is going strong. In return, I’ll pretend this whole exchange never happened.”

You’re both silent for what feels like hours, eyes fighting a silent mental battle, until Peter’s rough palms finally envelop your own. You’re aware of how crazy and delusional you sound, but you swear he pulls you in just a little bit closer.

“Deal.”

It’s your third year in the city, and you’re still not fully familiarized with the parties. Contrary to your expectations of drunk sweaty bodies dancing up on each other, your friends’ definition of parties consists of low warm lighting embracing their glittered luxury brand dresses as they swirl their fancy little martinis and cosmopolitans. You appreciate it, really, since you don’t have to use up your voice every other night just to shout over the deafening electronic music. However it’s much harder to appreciate the pressure it puts on you to behave a certain way— dance like nobody’s watching, but be aware that they are.

As you slowly walk to approach your friends (rule #32: no running in public spaces, you’ll look like an idiot) you feel a large hand brush softly against your waist. You turn to face your date for the night, warmth creeping up your cheeks as you take in his appearance. The only suit he’s wearing now is an all-black tuxedo with no tie, the first three buttons of his shirt opened. His black hair is brushed down smoothly, pieces of it falling just right to frame his glowing face.

“You clean up well,” you remark, circling your arm in his as you guide him towards the bar where your friends are sitting.

“I could say the same to you, pretty.” With the sleek black shoes he’s wearing, he’s a few inches taller. Slightly looking down on you, he gives you a subtle wink.

God, he’s such a heartthrob.

Your friends round up to give you hugs and kisses to welcome your presence, ever so politely. One of them acknowledges Peter’s companionship. “You must be the date.”

“That I am.” Peter returns the approach, showing off his adorably heart-shaped smile. “Peter Han, pleasure to meet you.”

The rest of the night runs as it does in your dreams the night before. By the time you had arrived, your friends were already buzzed enough to pay no mind to the way the leather is peeling off your only pair of formal shoes nor to the typo on your fake branded bag. Just the way it’s supposed to be.

Peter doesn’t leave your side the entire night, only lifting his arm around your waist to grab more drinks for the both of you. Occasionally you catch him absentmindedly rubbing your back, and occasionally you catch yourself wondering how someone who spends so much of his life fighting can be this gentle.

During a small bathroom break, one of your friends pulls you aside and whispers, “He looks at you like you hung the stars, you know.”

If you weren’t so swept up in the feeling of finally belonging under the subtle incandescence of a high-end bar in Manhattan, you would have noticed the way Peter’s eyes darken when he read a notification off his phone, or the way his lips press into a tight line when he gazes at you, laughing your heart away amongst your friends.

So you’re nothing short of confounded when he wraps his arms around your waist and leans down to mumble, “Baby, I have to go, there’s a work emergency. I’ll catch you later, alright?”

Your friends bid him farewell and you press a chaste kiss to his cheek, immediately turning away when you feel his body tense. When he walks out the door, you keep your eyes focused on how his soft hair loses its shimmer as he walks out into the night.

And you try to enjoy the warm liquid pouring down your throat for the fifth time tonight, savoring the way you can almost taste a bit of yourself pull away from reality each time, knowing at least one of the people around you will walk away tonight asking, “don’t you think that Peter is a bit cold?”

You sit on the edge of your balcony, something you never do unless you’re going through an existential crisis or drunk off your ass. Tonight it’s both. As usual, the distant sirens and exclamations of curses wrap a tight band around your head. You’re dizzy; either from the alcohol or situation or both.

The ocean of fluorescent lights from the streets of Queens drift your mind to recall just how you ended up here. Three years ago, you were a fresh high school graduate with a million opportunities in front of you. Now you’re broke and rely too much on the validation of your non-broke friends to fulfill the void inside you. The thought of eventually having nobody but yourself after you graduate makes you wanna vomit on a passerby’s head.

“Hey, baby.” A particularly resonant voice startles you out of your thoughts. Peter is swinging from your balcony railing, a pair of gray sweatpants and zip-up jacket slung over his Spider-Man suit. “Sorry for ditching early. I got pizza and flowers to make it up to you, though.”

He swings himself to sit down next to you, placing the box of pizza and bouquet in front of your crossed legs. When he pulls his mask over his head to remove it, your eyes glance over his cuts and bruises. They definitely weren’t there earlier.

“What happened?” You unconsciously bring a hand up to his face, brushing your knuckles tenderly over the sensitive areas. It’s only when he winces that you drop your hand back down to your lap.

“Some guy tried to rob a bank.” Peter shrugged, refusing to meet your gaze. “Turns out he brought a bunch of other guys to back him up.”

“Did you win, at least?”

Though his face is turned down, you can see Peter’s eyes crinkle into a smile underneath his tousled hair. “Yeah, ‘course I did. Who do you think I am, a loser? I’m fucking Spider-Man, baby.”

Ten minutes later you’re seated face to face, still on your balcony, with you dabbing a cotton pad onto his injuries. No words were exchanged; you just went in and out to grab your emergency medical kit and grabbed him by the chin. The pizza box is left unattended, but neither of you care much about the hunger puncturing your insides.

“Why do you look so down?” Peter inquires as you place a Hello Kitty bandaid on his cheekbone, giggling breathlessly as you do so.

“Do I?”

“Yeah.” He brings his own hand up to your face, brushing away the strands of your hair on your forehead. “I mean, you’re smiling now, but your eyes have this sadness to them. So, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

What the actual fuck? It literally takes you every nerve in your body to fight the urge to propose to this man right then and there.

“Hey, come on,” he urges, delicately pulling your face an inch closer to his. His thumbs run down your flushed cheeks, and it takes you a while to notice he’s brushing away your tears. “I said talk to me.”

“Well, you’ve probably already noticed that I’m different from my friends.” You wrap your fingers around his wrists. “I guess I thought I could pull off the whole socialite act, but I’m starting to feel so…”

When you can’t find the words, Peter finds them for you. “Lost?”

He presses his forehead to yours as you nod softly. “This might not be the best time, but I think you’re a star.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you shine the brightest amongst everyone else’s shadow. And your friends probably see you that way too. Also that I really, really want to take you out on a real date.”

“You were right, it’s terrible timing.” You fake pout, pretending as if your heart didn’t skip a beat at his words.

“Sorry, sorry!” Peter laughs, setting distance between the two of you once again. There is no inclination to pull him back, though; the space devoid of someone else finally feels comfortable.

“My answer is yes, by the way, you can take me out on a real date. Unfortunately no blackmail this time, though, I think I'm gonna quit that dumb internship.”

Both of you share a fit of affectionate laughter. The temperate scent of food merges with that of the flowers and caresses your senses as Peter opens the box of pizza. “If they ever make fun of you for not being rich, we can always stage one of them as Spider-Man. We'll even get $1,000 from it, then you'll actually be rich."

“I’ll take you up on that offer, Spidey.”

[nezoriy]

Trans people in Ukraine: transition process, legislations, healthcare, and social attitudes 

Kyiv, 2024. A protest for adopting bill #5488 that defines hate crimes and introduces harsher punishments for them. The author stands second to the left. Photo source

Whether it’s Ukraine, Palestine, or other “third world” countries, the issue of queer rights is often used even by the relatively well-meaning liberals to claim: “We shouldn’t help them, look how badly they treat their queers!”

Of course, the ethical argument against it would be that no one deserves genocide and not that “the situation is not that bad.” But anyone who has argued online at least once knows that’s not how it works. So the argument I'm here to make is:

Trans rights and lives in Ukraine are not that bad.

I’m a trans man living in Kyiv. I’m currently medically and legally transitioning, I have a lot of trans/nb friends and try to involve myself in activism. So I have both first-hand experience and up-to-date info to talk about the issue.

Let me be very clear here: things are not perfect. 

We still don’t have a lot of legal protections we need. The human factor and community networks matter a lot. But it’s not the “leave the country if you’re trans” levels of bad, and haven’t been for a while. 

Compared to some Western European countries with rights for self-id and third gender markers, Ukraine is obviously not that progressive.

However, after learning more about the UK’s trans issues, as well as the various US states’ anti-trans legislations, I was compelled to write this text because I wanted to say from the bottom of my heart: “Shut the fuck up” to everyone who wants to say something about how backward Ukraine is. 

In Ukraine, trans and other queer people can live their lives relatively freely. And what’s even more important: in contrast to a lot of “developed” countries, the situation with trans rights and social acceptance is actually improving. 

(Am I afraid that our society and legislators will slide backward with the influence tr*mp will have over the whole world? Yes. But that’s another issue entirely. And historically, even during his first term, our laws actually improved.)

So, if you ever find yourself arguing about Ukraine, here is everything you need to know to also politely ask everyone bemoaning “poor” Ukrainian queers’ fates to shut up.

In the first part, I talk about general vibes, and in the second one, I go into the transition process in way more depth than was necessary. This monstrosity absolutely got out of hand, if I’m honest. Maybe I need to try to shoot a YouTube video so people can use it as background noise.

Read on Medium or keep reading here.

In any case, enjoy!

How do trans people in Ukraine live? Laws, attitudes, and vibes

Kyiv, 2024. A protest for adopting bill #5488. The author stands second to the right. The poster says “Stop violence against transgender people. Adopt 5488.” Photo source

So, you’re transitioning. What life in Ukraine has in store for you?

Ukrainian trans legislations

There’s a clear legal procedure that allows Ukrainian trans people to change their gender marker and all of their legal documents.

In Ukraine, there are some laws to protect against discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity. 

There are also laws prohibiting hate speech/discrimination in the media. They don't protect from misgendering, insensitive jokes, and stereotyping. But show me a country where they do.

There are no laws prohibiting trans people from using the right bathrooms.

Unfortunately, you can only transition medically and legally once you turn 18. Minors can get a psychiatric diagnosis (but not F64.0) but they don't have access to puberty blockers. 

There are still quite a lot of hate crimes. Police are often not investigating them properly. They get classified as “hooliganism” instead of a hate crime. The good news: more people are reporting them, and NGOs are actively working on these cases. Bad news: the bill to define hate crimes specifically and introduce harsher repercussions for them has been lying in the parliament for more than 2 years. Activists are actively advocating for adopting this bill. In general, there’s an understanding that it might be done in the coming years.

Same-sex marriage is not legal. However, there's a bill to introduce civic partnerships. And there is an explicit understanding in society that queer people will benefit from it the most. Unfortunately, it's also been lying in the parliament for 2+ years. Activists work hard to change that. The main detractor is the council of the churches. 

There's some gray legal area around the issues but there's a common understanding that trans people are not allowed to adopt children. They also can't retain custody over their under-18 children if they change their documents.

Society at large

The author presents his painting “A time to plant and a time to uproot” about his experience of transitioning during the full-scale invasion during the Ljubljana Pride events in 2023.

According to recent polls, social attitudes toward LGBT+ people are improving by the year. In 2023 a poll showed that 64% (info in Ukrainian, use Google Translate) of people expressed neutral or positive attitudes towards queer people (compared to 54% in 2022). The number of people who have negative attitudes towards LGBT+ was 33,9%. Contrast this with 60,4% in 2016.

For some trans people, it's hard to find work if their documents do not match their looks. When it comes to hiring practices, the anti-discriminatory laws often don't work because obviously a business can refuse to employ you citing other reasons. However, all of this depends highly on the industry and specific employers. For example, most Ukrainian IT companies are okay with gender-nonconforming and trans people. They, along with NGOs, often have anti-discriminatory company policies. It’s harder to get employed when it comes to customer service jobs. However, I’ve heard positive personal anecdotes there as well. In general, the situation is improving compared to even 5-10 years ago, but there's still room for growth. 

The major public force that opposes queer rights, and one with the most influence, is the Council of churches (which includes most major denominations that exist in Ukraine.)

In general, in mainstream liberal circles, it's no longer acceptable to be openly transphobic or homophobic. For example, a lot of large bloggers, who consider themselves nationalists (which used to be synonymous with anti-queerness) are publicly supporting queer rights as a marker of a civilized society and progress regardless of their personal beliefs. 

Increasingly more mainstream liberal media is trying to give positive coverage to the queer community, from using the right lexicon to shooting special materials dedicated to queer and trans issues. Still, it’s also quite common even for some of the well-meaning media outlets, and especially bloggers to misgender trans people, use clickbait headings, and so on. The vast majority of media were incredibly confused regarding the right pronouns when covering Nemo’s Eurovision victory.

3rd Forum for Transgender and Nonbinary People, Kyiv, 2024. The slogan reads “TRANS*forming the reality.” The author stands to the right. 

Increasingly more queer books are getting published, including those by Ukrainian authors.

There are right-wing organizations that specifically target queer people, harass them online, even attack physically, and threaten queer events. Just yesterday (November 9th, 2024) a bookshop canceled a presentation of two Ukrainian LGBT+ books because they were threatened. However, by year right-wing organizations with explicitly queerphobic agenda are becoming more and more inconsequential in mainstream society. There's an understanding that most of these groups, although claiming to be ethno-nationalists, are actually funded by russians, and they look up to russian "traditional values" as opposed to the "decadent" West even to the detriment of our victory. 

TERFs are also not mainstream and don't have any actual political sway. They’re only loud on X and Facebook but they don't have their own organizations and most mainstream feminist NGOs are explicitly queer- and trans-friendly. 

Ukrainian queer community

There are a lot of LGBT+ and trans NGOs that promote queer rights, advocate for the community, collaborate with the legislators, and help out the community (including materially). 

There are a number of publicly open trans and nonbinary activists.

The hormones are quite costly and there's no way to get them free from the country. However, the NGOs are often offering hormones as humanitarian help for free. Most of the time, I myself get hormones this way.

All in all, since 2010 (and especially 2016) the number of trans organizations grew and their work has become more influential. 

Military

Ukrainian LGBT Military NGO. On their website, they state they have a separate online community for 15+ trans people who are currently serving in the military or are veterans. 

There are no legal protections or mechanisms to regulate the relationships of trans people with the military. That's also a huge zone for growth the activists are working on.

The state also doesn't provide people in the army with hormones. 

There's an NGO for the LGBT military. 

There are open trans people in the army. But most trans men I heard of are in stealth.

LGBT+ people, even the open ones, may face some discrimination in the army from their comrades and officers. However, the mainstream idea communicated by lots of military people is “I might not personally like queers but I don't care who you are as long as you're busting your ass for the victory.”

When going through the TCRSS (Territorial Center of Recruitment and Social Support, local military administration) evaluation, except for the good old regular transmisogyny, transfems may face additional scrutiny and negative attitudes from medical professionals and officials because they may be seen as “draft dodgers.”

A personal note: I'm in the process of changing the documents so I haven't communicated with TCRSS yet. I won't dwell upon it but I have to say for the record that I'm absolutely willing to accept not only rights but also responsibilities that come with an “M” gender marker in documents. So, if I'm considered to be fit for the military, I won't try to avoid it. Moreover, my consciousness dictates that I do have to serve. Still, the process of going through the military medical board scares me a lot – way more than the military service itself.

A bit of history: the transition until 2016

The author’s art.

Until 2016, the transition process was frankly all kinds of fucked-up. 

To get access to legal recognition and healthcare, a person had to go through a doctor's board evaluation. The doctors (including psychiatrists and sexologists) were predominantly educated in the Soviet Union where all kinds of queer people were considered deviants with psychiatric disorders (and often, in the case of gay men, criminalized.) So, the board was incredibly transphobic and homophobic. It used a questionnaire full of questions relying on the worst kinds of gender stereotypes: “Would you rather be a plumber or an artist? If you were a journalist would you write about sports or art?” 

If you didn't look like a very stereotypical version of the gender you're transitioning to, down to the underwear, you were fucked. 

If you let them know you're not straight, you were fucked. 

And there was only one board for the whole country, in Kyiv, so if you haven't "passed" the assessment the first time, it was way harder to get reevaluated. 

Even if you got the psychiatric diagnosis and got access to healthcare, to be able to change your gender marker and documents, you had to get sterilized.

I personally know some people who didn't want to go through this shit so they went on HRT and instead of changing the gender marker just changed their name and surname in their documents (we are allowed to do that for non-trans reasons without any issues.) This way, at least when they are signing documents and so on, they won't see their deadname constantly. They also kinda hoped that people checking their documents would just skip over the gender marker or think it's some kind of mistake. 

Side note: both a sad and funny aspect is that you can change your name and surname just because you want to, but you can't change your patronym or drop it altogether. And it's always, always gendered, so if you went this way, from Olexandra Olexandrivna Ivanova you'd become an Olexandr Olexandrivna Ivanov (-ivna being female suffix, the male version would be -ovich.

Thankfully, thanks to the efforts of activists, the legislation around the transition changed, becoming way, way more relaxed. It's been in place since.

Legal and medical transition in Ukraine

Kyiv, 2024. Author at a protest for adopting bill #5488. The hashtags read “human rights,” “inclusivity,” “equality,” “safety.” Photo source. 

After some confusion in 2016 around the procedures, they’ve become quite established. I started the medical transition in 2023 and legal – in August of 2024, so the info is as up-to-date as it can be.

#1. Getting a psychiatric diagnosis of “transsexualism”

If you go about your transition the proper way, the first thing you need to do is get a psychiatric diagnosis. Ukraine's healthcare system is still working with ICD-10. The country is committed formally to moving to ICD-11 but there’s a common understanding it’s really unlikely to happen until the war ends. 

Under ICD-10, the diagnosis you need to get is F64.0 “transsexualism”. Yeah, yikes. 

You need to go to a state psychiatrist, the diagnoses from the private ones are not valid. 

De jure, you should either keep in touch with a doctor to be observed for 2 years or spend 2 weeks in a hospital. Most of the time, it's understood to be a day hospital, so you visit every day but don't sleep there. But it’s up to the doctors, so there were cases when a person spent the whole time in a psychiatric hospital. Obviously, the person is kept in the ward of the gender they were assigned at birth. You can imagine that for a lot of peopl,e the experience is quite distressing, especially considering that Ukrainian state psychiatric clinics are really not fun places to be in.

Considering this, a lot of people look for workarounds – and find them.

In some hospitals, you can pay a "voluntary contribution" (a bribe basically). The price tag for this in Kyiv’s main psychiatric hospital is around UAH10.000 ($250). 

In some hospitals, fortunately, there are friendly doctors (and/or doctors who themselves belong to the queer community) who can help you out willingly. 

In any case, if you can get arrangements in place, you just visit a couple of times and the hospital puts the necessary dates on the documents without actually keeping you there.

How do you get evaluated for F64.0

In a psych hospital, you get the bloodwork and some other physical examinations done (for example, a cardiogram, a lung x-ray, nothing invasive.) 

You talk to a psychologist who assesses your general mental state. 

And you talk to a psychiatrist and write an auto-biography focusing on your transness specifically.

The evaluation is still often based on strict gender binary and gender stereotypes. It is implicitly understood within the trans community that for example as a trans man you have to present the narrative that you always played with cars and not dolls, preferred the color blue, befriended only the boys etc, etc. Friendly psychiatrists know that this is bullshit but often still ask to narrate your story like this in case some of the higher-ups have any questions. 

Correspondingly, even if psychiatrists are aware of the nonbinary spectrum, nonbinary people still have to present a very binary narrative to get the diagnosis.

Being non-straight does no longer automatically mean you don't get the right diagnosis. However, a lot of people still prefer to hide it if possible. I told my psychiatrist I'm bi with a preference for women (which is true) and had no problems because of that. 

It is implicitly understood that if you're already on HRT (DYI, found a very friendly private endocrinologist, etc), the whole process is likely to go easier for you. That was my experience: I just emphasized that I've already been on HRT for half a year and so much happier for it.

When getting a diagnosis gets more complicated

Because of the war transfem people now come under more scrutiny and the evaluation has become way more strict than before 2022. Some doctors plainly refuse to do it at all. The reason is that the doctors are afraid that people trying to go through an mtf transition just try to avoid the mobilization. 

There are cases, especially in the regions, of doctors refusing to deal with our trans shit. But legally doctors are not allowed to refuse to provide trans healthcare. So if you know your rights you can either press them or file a complaint. In any case, you can just go to the next state hospital and try your luck there.

A lot of psychiatrists refuse to give you F64.0 if you are currently depressed or especially have some more serious psychiatric diagnosis. A lot of them go like "well, go treat your depression and then come back." Obviously, it's absolutely bullshit because a lot of trans people are depressed because of gender dysphoria but it is what it is. Most trans people advise their peers not to disclose their other diagnosis when undergoing this evaluation. 

This part is often the most hard and stressful. If you have your diagnosis, the rest is usually easier. Well, mostly.

#2. Endocrinologist, HRT, and the certificate of transing your gender enough

The author after 2 years on HRT.

Once you have your F64.0, you go to an endocrinologist. For HRT, private ones are okay. They make you do a lot of bloodwork and then prescribe HRT. 

Most of the time, trans people go to the doctors that other trans people recommend. There's an understanding that there's a high chance a random state doctor won't be educated enough in trans healthcare. Because of this, I haven't heard of cases of mistreatment or refusal to work with a trans patient. 

When you're on HRT for some time, you get a medical document from your endo that you've been on hormones for long enough and your secondary sex characteristics are now aligned with your desired gender.

#3. “Sex correction” certificate from a family doctor

With the document from the endo, you go to your family doctor (a GP). They get you a medical document that states you have "corrected your sex". Except for the family doctor, it should have the signature of one other doctor and the head doctor of their hospital. 

Most of the time it's just a formality. Legally, family doctors can't not do it. So, if they are refusing to help you, you can file a complaint and pressure them legally.

In my case, I signed a contract with a family doctor who's explicitly queer-friendly and has already helped quite a lot of trans people. I needed to go to her hospital (in Lviv) to be physically present, but everything went quickly. There were no additional examinations or assessments, no questions asked, we just needed to sit in a queue for a bit and the head doctor signed my documents.

#4. Birth certificate change

To change your gender marker, you first go to a civil registration office, and with the documents from the psychiatrist and the family doctor, you file a request to make changes to your birth certificate. 

There are cases when the officials try to refuse to do so, quite often out of ignorance. The officials are not legally allowed to refuse to file a gender marker change request if your documents are in order. So, once again, you can file a complaint and pressure them into registering your request.

There are also cases, however, when the document from the family doctor is not done 100% right according to the regulations (most of the time because the doctor didn't know how to do it right, not out of maliciousness), and the officials refuse you because of it. In this case, they are legally right, so most of the time you have to ask the doctor to reissue the certificate.

Because of the war, you can go to any registration office in Ukraine, and they request the info from the registration office where your birth certificate was issued. The downside is, they legally have 3 months to do so.

Side note: I'm at this point now. The registration office made a request to the hospital that issued me the "sex correction" certificate to confirm it, and they haven't gotten a response yet although it's been more than 2 months. This request is not necessary but also not illegal. If my birth certificate is not ready in 3 weeks, I'm likely going to contact the paralegals from a queer NGO and file a complaint.

#5. Changing the national ID and other documents 

The sign reads “to the European country – progressive laws.” Photo source. 

With your new birth certificate, you go to a center for providing administrative services (just as well, during the war any is okay, not just in the neighborhood you're registered in) to change your national ID. I was shocked to learn that in some countries, including the UK, national IDs are not mandatory. In Ukraine, they are, and they are a primary document you use for identification. Basically, no one ever sees your birth certificate. It takes about 2 weeks. Then you can change the rest of the documents: passport, driver's license, tax documents, educational documents (if you want to), and so on. 

#6. Registering with the military office

Regardless of the "direction" of your transition, after changing your ID, you're supposed to go to the Territorial Center of Recruitment and Social Support (TCRSS) – the local military registration organ. That’s where things get tricky once again.

For context: all people with a “Male” gender marker are registered with a TCRSS when they are teenagers. People with “Female” markers are not. They are only registered if they become bound for military service for other reasons (for example, doctors.) 

Under the military time law, all people who have an "M" marker have to be assigned to a TCRSS, and have their personal information updated in person or in a special app ("Reserve+"), and go through a medical board’s assessment in a TCRSS. The whole process is quite complicated even for cis men as on the one hand it is highly bureaucratized. There are literally cases when a trans man who had his uterus removed had to go through and have the certificate to confirm it still has to go through an assessment by a state gynecologist to prove he hasn't somehow grown his uterus back in the meantime. And on the other hand, there’s a lot of gray legal areas where decisions depend on the individual official’s assessment. 

The main decision dependent on the human factor is: whether a person is considered fit for military service (then they get mobilized effectively immediately), "unfit for military service," or "fit in a limited capacity.” Before the full-scale invasion, “limitedly fit” was equal to "unfit." Now it usually means you either have a temporary delay of mobilization and you have to show up every 6 months to prolong it, or you're mobilized and get assigned to a second-line position pushing the documents instead of being on the front lines.

Most psychiatric diagnosis, including F64.0, is a reason to consider a person either "unfit for military service" or "fit in a limited capacity." So, what does it mean for trans people?

Transfems who changed their gender marker to an "F" have to show up to a TCRSS and get themselves excluded from the military register because now they’re not bound for military service. 

Transmasc people with an “M” marker, as it follows logically, have to show up to get registered. They go through a military medical board like cis men. 

Most of the time, transmascs are considered permanently "unfit for military service." However, this decision is up to the TCRSS’s head officer.

Communication with the TCRSS is honestly a huge issue trans activists are working on. People transitioning in both directions often face a lot of misunderstanding and outright hostility from the military medical board and officers.

Most trans women want to get excluded from military service and face discriminatory attitudes basically because the state doesn't want to exclude them, and a lot of officials think they are just transitioning to avoid military service. So they can face a lot of hate and contempt. 

A lot of trans men on the other hand may be willing to serve in the military but can't do so because of the psychiatric diagnosis. There’s a conundrum because often trans men willing to serve don’t get to, and those unwilling to serve get told “well, you’re a man now so fuck off to the front lines because you’re disposable.”

As I’ve already mentioned, it all comes down to the human factor, and unfortunately in a lot of cases, people working in TCRSS are uneducated and bigoted. And because there are no specific legislations regulating the relationships between trans people and the military, the officials get to exercise their bigotry.

Crossing the border

Besides not getting mobilized while walking down the street, getting your documents right with the TCRSS is important because it defines whether or not you can leave the country.

Transfem people with an "F" gender marker who get the documents done and are excluded from military service can travel outside Ukraine. There are unfortunately quite a lot of cases of trans women having trouble crossing the border if their documents are not crystal right. Recently there was a case of a trans woman who wasn't allowed to cross the border: despite having an "F" in her passport, she skipped the TCRSS step, so officially she still was bound for military service. Unfortunately, the border guards were legally right. 

Quite often the border guards are putting under a lot of scrutiny even those trans people who are legally allowed to cross the border (transfems and transmasc with an “F” marker.) That's also an issue activists work hard on. 

#7. Gender-affirming surgeries in Ukraine

The author’s art. On Instagram 

People are allowed to get gender-affirming surgeries and are not required to get any to change their gender marker.

The context you need to have about Ukrainian medicine: we have free state medicine; insurances exist (but they are not really widespread. Some companies, especially in IT, pay for them, but according to 2019 data only about 9% of the people have them); and there are also lots and lots of private clinics. Those are often quite costly. But they are also well-staffed and well-equipped, and in most cases, you can get an appointment with a doctor for the next day or within a week.

So, gender-affirming surgeries are available, but almost exceptionally at private clinics. This means people have to save up quite a lot and often travel to Kyiv or other large cities to get them. But there are no waitlists and patients can get good healthcare without facing any discrimination.

There are however cases of trans people getting free healthcare at a state clinic. Mostly that happens when the doctors are willing to help them out. In the documentation, they state a diagnosis that qualifies for free healthcare (any trans-related diagnoses are not.) For example, one trans man I know got free top surgery at an institute for cancer research, presumably because in the documents the doctors claimed he was at a high risk of breast cancer. Another trans man got a free hysterectomy at a state hospital. Although he was put in a women's wing he claimed he got treated well.

I got a mastectomy at a private clinic just over a month ago. For that, I had to provide the F64.0 diagnosis and the "sex correction" certificate from my family doctor. Another doctor I consulted with only does the surgery if you've already changed your ID.

The price both doctors asked was UAH75.000 (about USD 1850). (For reference: the median salary in Kyiv is UAH 25.000 (USD625) a month.) My surgeon claimed that in part the price is so high because she has to rent a surgical room only in private hospitals as the state ones don't want to deal with this kind of surgery.

From the initial consultation till the surgery, it took about 2 months and it was mostly because I was gathering the funds.

At a recent trans event for activists, I got the information that there's a group of doctors in Kharkiv that do bottom surgeries for both trans men and women and they are quite good at it. I haven't looked into it more properly yet but still – good for us.

TL;DR

Trans people do face discrimination. There are no opportunities for legal and medical transition for minors. And there are some legal gray areas, especially concerning military service, when the lack of explicit anti-discriminatory laws and proper regulations leads to bigotry from officials.

But the legislation around trans rights is improving, not getting worse, and there are procedures for legal and medical transition. 

Social attitudes are also improving steadily – the acceptance of queer people in society grew almost twice since 2016, and more than half of Ukrainian society is neutral or positive towards the LGBT+ community.

[the-froschamethyst4]

He’s just a bit older

𖤐Pairing: Soap x Younger F! Reader

𖤐Pronouns: She/Her

𖤐Warnings: smut, older Soap young Y/n, age gap, P in V, eating out, language, dads' best friend

AN: If you’re not comfortable with this age gap type of stuff this isn’t probably for you. By age gap I mean early 20 year old Y/n and early 40s Soap

Y/n is Price’s daughter and she’s had a bit of a crush on her dads best friend, John Soap MacTavish

But Price is caught up at work that he forgot him and Soap are meeting up to watch the soccer match (football for the Europeans)

Could Soap and Y/n get away with fucking each other without Price ever knowing

——————

———————

“Y/N! I’m going to work!” Price yells at his daughter.

“OKAY!” She yells back. She had gotten out of the shower and was going to hang out with her boyfriend Hunter.

It was their 10-month anniversary, and she was very excited to hang out with him. Sure, they hang out almost every day, but she was just excited for today.

She brushed her teeth and blow dried her hair, she even spread her favorite lotion on her skin to smell good for Hunter. She even put on some light make up on as well.

Y/n grabbed a bright pink tank top and white tennis skirt. Hunter and Y/n were going to see the Barbie Movie together and she was very excited.

Y/n grabbed her purse and went downstairs and was going to wait for Hunter to come and get her for the movie. She played on her phone and looked at the time, sure she got ready a bit early at least she'll be ready.

As she took a couple of photos of her outfit and captioned them with 'Date Night with @/h.hunt14' she smiled seeing the likes and comments she was getting from her friends.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

"PRICE!" She looked up from her phone and looked at the front door hearing a thick Scottish accent.

"Soap?" She asked as she got up and opened the door.

"Hey, Y/n. Where's your dad?" He asks with a case of beer in his hands.

"Umm work? Why are you here?" She leaned on the doorframe, crossing her arms and looking at her father's best friend.

"He invited me to watch the football game."

"Well again, he's not home," she mumbled.

"Yeah, I see that. So, could I still come in? Your dad already knows I'm supposed to be here."

"I guess," Y/n let him inside and he placed the case of beer of the kitchen counter.

"Where are you going?" He asks, cracking open a beer.

"To the movies. Hunter and I are going to see the Barbie Movie together for our 10-month anniversary." She smiles when she brings up Hunter and Soap smiled hearing that she found someone to be with.

"That's cool," he smiles before taking a sip of his drink.

"I'm going to text my dad and see if he knew you were supposed to come this early."

"Yeah," he agrees.

Y/n: *Dad, Soap is here. Is he supposed to be here this early?*

Price: *Ah shit, I told him to come early, I didn't expect him this early, tell him I'll be home around 2-3*

Y/n: *K*

"My dad said, he'll be home around two or three. Just make yourself comfortable," she says as she went back to the couch. "I'll be leaving around one for the movies." She yells him.

"Okay, yeah sure," Soap said as he watched Y/n head back to the couch. He looked at her skirt seeing it raise up went she plopped down on the black couch.

He saw her white panties and smirked just a little bit but soon wiped it away. He remembered this isn't right, this is his best friends only daughter.

---------

Some time has passed, and Y/n was now waiting on her boyfriend to show up. She was texting him asking him where he was and all but no answer.

She ran her hand through her hair and let out a soft sign, Soap had turned on the TV to watch a pre-game before the actual game. He looked at Y/n seeing her being distressed.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"He's not answering the movie starts in a like 30 minutes..." she said.

"Did you try calling him?"

"I didn't want to bother you though."

"It's fine, go ahead," he says as Y/n went upstairs and called Hunter.

But it went straight to voicemail. "Hey, Hunter, are you coming to get me, or did you forget about me?" She kind of laughs at the 'forgetting' part. "Just text me or call me back and let know what's going on."

She walks back downstairs sitting next to Soap again. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back ignoring her phone now. Maybe he's on his way and can't answer her?

"Everything okay?" He asks.

"I don't know," she said as she looked at Soap. "If you think something is going on with your partner...would you keep texting them or would you ignore them?"

"What do you mean? Are you expecting him of something?" He asks, placing his beer on the table in front of them.

"No, but...he's just been...distant I guess."

"How so?"

"Like now, he's ignoring me, sometimes will just flat out not talk to me for a long period of time, I have to start conversations, I have to make plans and invite him to join-LIKE NOW I asked we should see the Barbie movie, he said 'cool that's fine' like he wasn't really interested." Her eyes looked red and glossy; she seemed like she was about to cry.

"Hey, hey, it's okay...the best thing to do is get rid of the problem...if it was me...I'd break up with them, but you love him, I know you do. I can see it in your eyes that you love him. But that's up to you," he said.

The tension between them was hot now because they understood each other. Was it sexual? No, it couldn't be. Price would kill both of them if he caught them.

Soap looked down at Y/n's lips seeing lip gloss on them, her lips were plump and looked so soft it he kissed them. He bit the corner of his bottom lip as Y/n played with her fingers. It was like she was thinking about something, and she was.

She looked down at his crotch seeing his bulge in his pants. She gulped and looked up at Soap.

Y/n didn't hesitate, she crawled on top of Soap's lap. Soap put his hands up he didn't know what to do with them. She just smiles and moves them to her waist.

She then placed her arms around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair.

"Wow...your fingers...they...they are like magic, this is so calming," he chuckles.

Y/n giggles too. "I mean...I don't know? I do it to myself sometimes, it feels so good."

"Yeah," he coos, he looked up at her. His hands moved from her waist down to her butt, she moans slightly. He leans forward and kissed her neck, earning another moan from her.

He pushes up the bottom of her white skirt and grabbed at her soft bare ass cheeks. His lips felt so good on her collarbone and neck.

"F-Fuck-" she moans.

Soap then snapped back into reality. Soap looked up at Y/n staring into her eyes. "W-we shouldn't b-be doing this," he stutters a bit.

"My dad won't know...and neither will Hunter. This will between you and I, Soap."

"No, no, we can't," he moved his hands back to her waist trying to push her off his lap.

"Fine..." she got off his lap. She stood at the doorway before walking to her bedroom, but she turned back to Soap, she brought her leg up and flashed her panties to Soap.

"Don't-Don't do that, Y/n."

"Oh, come on, Soap. You know you want it," she says as she began to walk away, and Soap got up and followed her to her bedroom.

Y/n sat on the edge of her bed, she crossed her legs and looked at Soap with a smirk on her face. She uncrossed her legs, and she lifted up her skirt again exposing the front of the panties.

They were white, lace with a small pink rose in the middle.

"Come on, Soap, my dad won't know," she smiles at him.

"Fuck," he closed her bedroom door and Y/n smirked knowing he finally got his attention.

"Come on, Soap," she said.

He walked to her, and she started to remove her tank-top and Soap grabbed her skirt and pulled it down. His hands went to her panties and pulled them off as well. He rested his hands on her thighs and looked up at her with a smirk.

"Are you sure, he won't know?" Soap asked.

"Promise, he won't be back so soon, and he always values his work first."

"That's not true, he values you."

"Not really," Y/n closed her legs and covered her exposed area and looked down at him. "Why do you think him, and my mom got a divorce? Because he worked so much and valued his work over mom and me, that...they called it quits..."

"But...he talks about you a lot when we hang out."

"Doesn't matter...he sure as hell doesn't show it..." She looked down at him, his hands slid up her thighs and rested on her exposed hips. His hands soon went around to her butt and gently squeezed, earning a soft moan from her.

"He talked about you when you were high school and how you were so nervous in freshman year, you were scared if you and your friends would drift apart but you all stuck together through high school..." Soap lifted up the end of the skirt. "You were nervous about your Prom thinking Hunter wouldn't show but he did..."

Soap then moved forward closed to her area, she could feel his hot breath on her. "...Your Senior year...you were crazy nervous about a test that was 100% of your grade...you passed...and...he took you out for dinner..." he then licked between her folds earning a moan from her. She grabbed his hair and leaned on her elbows.

"S-Soap-"

"Senior Prom...you left early because you were homesick...you wanted to spend the rest of you night with your dad because you...he may be lonely when you were out..."

Y/n's grip tightened on his hair that she got a groaned from him. She looked down at his eyes as he kept licking her and talking to her about what her father has said about her.

Y/n always thought that Price valued his work over her...Price is a good father, he's been to all her soccer games even when he had tuns of work, he'd put everything on hold just to go watch her play.

Even when she joined the dance team, he put everything on hold just to go and watch her.

She realized how more present he was in her life versus her own mother...hell...her own mother told her that she should go live with Price because she didn't want to deal with Y/n and all her actives during school that Price was there even when she didn't want her there.

Soap licked between her folds some more and started to insert two fingers inside of her. He started to move them in and out of her quickly, she moaned his name and let go of his hair and started to grip the sheets on her bed.

"H-Holy fuck," she moans.

"He was mad...when you and Hunter first broke up...he thought he would...have to kill him because he...broke his little girls' heart..." Soap mumbled. He looked up at her and hummed a little bit.

He stood up and pushed her on her back. His hands slid up her shirt, he felt her bra and unhooked it with one hand and got it off her chest. He pushed her tank top up exposing her breasts to him.

She ran her fingers up her stomach to the tank top to keep it out of his way. His hands went to her sides and looked down at her small body as his big, veiny hands just caressed her.

"You fit my hands so perfectly," he mumbles and kissed her neck and moved up to kiss her lips.

His hands roamed all over her, his hand then started to fiddle with his belt and started to remove his belt and pull his pants down, he removed his shirt and then pushed himself against her clit.

"H-Holy-" she moans.

He started to fish himself out of her boxers and pulled his boxers off his lower half.

"I-It's not f-fair that I'm fully clothed and y-you're not..." she moans.

"You're not technically fully clothed...you're just in a skirt and tank top, you don't have panties and a bra on..."

"Half naked but still."

"Fine," he quickly rips her skirt off her lower half and pulled her tank top over her head. "There...now we're even," he smirks.

"G-Good," she mumbles and Soap without warning pushed himself inside of her.

He thrusts were sloppy but soon started to pick the pace even more and she let out a satisfying moan that made his head spin. Hearing her moans make him feel like he's doing such a good job.

To tell the truth. Soap wasn't that experience. Price always teased him about how needs to get out more and have some more experience with a woman. He only had 2 girlfriends in his life and a wife and wasn't that experience.

His hand cupped her face and rubbed his thumb under her eye, he watched her face and smirked seeing her face become so red and watching her expressions change as well.

"Goddamn, I d-didn't think I w-was that good," Soap groans.

---------

Price looked at his phone seeing the time, but he also knows that Soap's 'waiting' on him at the house. Price looked at his computer and saw he has 5 more emails and then he can be done.

He answered them and then texted Y/n.

Price: *Hey, I'm almost done soon, let Johnny know I'm coming soon, and we can watch the game*

Y/N: *.....*

Price just looked at the dots on the screen letting him know she was typing.

Y/n was on her stomach as Soap was hitting her from the back, she was a moaning mess as she couldn't even type properly. She only got a few words typed out but couldn't even hit the 'send' button.

"H-He's a-about done s-soon..." she moans as Soap gripped her hips and smacked her butt watching his handprint form on her left cheek.

"Then...w-we better h-hurry..." she could feel him smirking behind her.

She dropped her phone on her bed and gripped the bedsheets. She felt her stomach start turning, she was about to cum. He could feel her about to cum, he gripped her hips even tighter knowing he was going to cum as well.

"Holy fuck," Soap moans and so does Y/n. She felt herself leak onto his dick and he pulled out and she felt his cum leak on her lower back.

Y/n was panting trying to catch her breath as Soap rested his forehead between her shoulder blades and kissed her shoulder.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No...I'm okay...I need to c-clean up..." she sat up and moved off her bed, Soap fell on his back on her bed and looked up at the ceiling and heard the water start.

He looked at her bathroom seeing the door open, and he could see her figure in the shower, he rubbed his temple and grabbed his boxers and jeans putting them back on.

DING DONG

"SOAP, CAN YOU GET THAT!?"

"Yeah," he grabbed his shirt and put it back on and walked downstairs to go answer the door. He looked through the glass and saw Hunter. He opened the door with some force making Hunter jump a little.

"The fuck you want?"

"Who are you?" Hunter asked, he looked around to make sure he has the right house. "Is this the Price's?"

"Yeah, it is," he crossed his arms over his chest.

Y/n had a towel wrapped around her waist and a towel in her hair. She walked downstairs and saw Hunter at the door and Soap intimating him.

"Hunter?"

"Who the hell is this guy?" Hunter asked pointing to Soap.

"He's...my dad's best friend..." she said.

"Why are you wet? Did you get out of the shower?"

"Wow, no shit Captain Obvious," Soap said.

"Soap..." Y/n warned. "What do you want Hunter?" She asked him.

"Just wanted to come by and say I'm here...come on...let's go to the movies but I see...you're not even ready...and...this guy is here," Hunter tried to intimidate Soap back but of course, Soap isn't scared of some random ass kid.

"Are you...KIDDING ME! WHY THE HELL WOULD I GO TO THE MOVIES WITH YOU NOW!! YOU IGNORED ME FOR THREE HOURS AND ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU SHOW UP!! I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH YOU!!" She slammed the door in Hunter's face and leaned against the door. "Holy fuck...is he fucking serious?" She asked, looking up at Soap.

"I see now what Price was talking about."

"What?" She asked.

"You can definitely handle yourself to where...you don't even need a guy..." Soap smiles.

"He said that?"

"Again, kid, he talks about you all the time...even when you think he doesn't think about you or talk about you, he does...and he's very grateful and thankful to have you in his life," he said, leaning down and kissing her lips.

"I know, he loves me and all...but like I said...he only loves his work...I have to go get dressed now..." she said, walking up the stairs.

--------

1:30PM

Price got in the driveway and saw Y/n's car and Soap's car, he smiled at his daughter's car, a 1967 Chevy impala, it was Price's first car and he found back it in a garage at his old home where it lived for probably 20 or more years, he fixed it up just for her. She takes care of it like it's her child.

He grabs his keys before entering his home. He unlocks the door and opens it seeing Soap on the couch, a beer in hand and Y/n sitting on the love seat far from Soap reading her book, her legs to her chest as she looked up from her book seeing her dad walk in the door.

"Hi dad," she says with her usual sweet smile on her face.

"Hey, lovely..." he sets his stuff down at the door and grabbed a beer from the fridge. "Has the game started, MacTavish?" Price asked as he plopped on the other side of the couch.

"Nah, not yet Price..." He smirks before taking a sip from his beer.

"Damn, if I knew you were coming this early, I should have been home earlier."

"Nah, it's good," Soap looked at Y/n who hid her red face behind her book.

Y/n left the living room and headed to her bedroom.

Price looked at Soap before taking a swing on his beer.

"I know you two had sex while I was gone," Soap spit it his drink out, he coughed and wiped his chin before staring at Price.

"What?" He choked out.

"Soap, I have cameras around the house for Y/n's protection while I'm gone...I saw them go off when you two were alone and I have one outside her bedroom door, you two went in and you shut the door, you came out an hour later fixing your shirt and opened the front door to Hunter asking for her, you both handled it pretty well, I should say...Just...don't let that ever happen again, you got it?"

"Yes, sir...and...sorry..."

"It's fine."

"Are you going to tell her, that you know?"

"No, I'll let her know that you two didn't do anything..."

[tennessoui]

For the OTP questions, could I ask for 25 with the smithsonian au?? I feel like it would be funny to see what they do when they do have something in common 😭

lmao the smithsonian au !!! thank you for sending this in from this list of prompts !

25. do they have any hobbies they share?

lmao they would not be able to handle having anything in common but they probably honestly have a lot that they agree about they just....refuse to admit it.

but ok here are two things they have in common/hobbies they share: hating on the rocks (geology) team & bike riding. anakin picked up biking because he knew obi-wan liked it and he decided he was going to be Better At It than obi-wan, as if leisurely biking were a competition. but since it's not a competition they just sort of accidentally end up going on nice bike rides around the dmv area. almost like a dat---(gunshots)

and obi-wan has always hated the rock people because he's just silly and petty like that. anakin also has always hated the rock people because obviously space rocks are cooler than earth rocks. but when obi-wan finds out that anakin hates the rock people he finds a rock person to take out on a date (to their trivia team night) just because he knows anakin will hate that The Most. unfortunately, obi-wan also finds him annoying because he's a rock person. this is a new low for him:

Anakin's bouncing his leg up and down beneath the table, something he doesn't even notice until Padmé reaches out and grasps a hold of his knee.

"I'd ask if you needed a drink, but you've already had three," she mutters, squeezing once before letting go. "Come on, don't tell me you need to be drunk to spend time with Obi-Wan these days."

Anakin scowls, half at the name and half at the words. "I'm not thinking about him at all," he snaps back, which is a lie. "It's just rude to be late. Especially to trivia. Why are we even on the same team? That's not--"

"He thought it would be nice," Padmé says, taking a sip of her own cider. "He explicitly requested that we don't talk about work. Maybe he's trying to bond with you."

Anakin's scowl turns into a softer frown. Bond with him? Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn't want to bond with him. How would they even work if they weren't at each other's throats? What would they talk about? How would--

His mind flashes back to the first time they ever met, before Kenobi opened his mouth to reveal that beneath his gorgeous face, he was just a British dick.

He can feel his face heating, and he takes a sip of his beard to distract himself. Ugh. Kenobi. Kenobi.

"Apologies for the delay," Kenobi says, as if Anakin's thoughts have conjured him into existence. He drops into the chair next to Padmé and kisses her hello on the cheek.

Anakin's scowl is back. Fucking Europeans. He's not even a European. He's from an inconsequential fucking island in the middle of nowhere.

"Gregor here had to finish up a bit of work at the lab," Kenobi continues before looking across the table at Anakin. "Hello, Anakin," he says, tone noticeably cooler but there's something smug about it. About his whole face. And...everything. "Have you met Gregor? He's also a Smithsonian employee."

Anakin casts his gaze to the man still standing at the head of their table. "No," he says, then adds, lying through his teeth, "Pleasure."

"Which department?" Padmé asks sociably as Gregor sits down next to Obi-Wan, who smiles and places his hand on Gregor's arm.

"Mineral studies," Obi-Wan tells them. "I thought perhaps Gregor here would be a boon during the more technical science questions we can never get right."

"Oh, is that why you brought me along?" Gregor asks, turning to Obi-Wan with a familiar, sickening twinkle in his eyes. "And here I thought this was a date, Obi."

Obi-Wan laughs and pats his arm, but his eyes are tighter around the edges. He hates the nickname, Anakin knows. Apparently Gregor doesn't.

"Only if you win it for us, darling," he tells Gregor, and Anakin scowls.

Darling. Ugh. This is bar trivia.

"Mineral studies," he says suddenly. "What's that then?"

"Well," Gregor replies, puffing up the way anyone in DC does the moment they're given an opportunity to talk about what they do for a living. "I guess the easiest way to describe it is that I study rocks. I mean, that's really boiled down, and it's more like---"

He continues, but Anakin's stopped listening the moment Gregor said the word rocks. Rocks.

He raises his eyebrows at Obi-Wan in disbelief. He brought a rock guy to trivia. He's planning to fuck a rock guy. A rock guy. He shakes his head at the other man, who just blinks as if he doesn't understand. As if hating rock people isn't the one thing that they have in common.

This is a new low, even for Kenobi.

[alicewhitmore2]

So hear me out

All of Bruce Wayne's adopted children are biologically his and none of them know.

At age 20, Bruce was traveling Europe and saw the Flying Graysons in a circus. Who wouldn't say no to a threesone with two hot older acrobats?

A few years later and Bruce has been slutting his way through Crime Alley.

A few years after that and he's been going through the richest people in Gotham.

Years after that and he's in an assassin phase.

Despite knowing of his own history, Bruce never does paternity tests on his children. It's a combination of knowing if his kids found it, they would freak, and not really wanting to know himself. The only kid he's almost sure is his is Tim, they look so similar but they also have similar personalities and hobbies, hobbies he knows Tim's parents didn't foster or encourage. Still, he refuses to check.

Years later, a random kid of Bruce's comes into the picture (personally I'm picturing Danny Fenton but it could be anyone) they just walk in on a family dinner when everyone's home and drop the news that they're Bruce's kid.

"Mostly I just wanted to make sure we all know of each other. Man, the family resemblance is strong in this family, you have strong genes Bruce."

"We're actually adopted!"

"Oh... you didn't tell them?"

Bruce: (knows exactly what he means) What do you mean?

"Oh my god. No that's impossible, you have to at least have suspected. You have to know that they're all your kids"

"What is he talking about Bruce?"

Kid pulls out articles, gossip rags and one rare European magazine, detailing the times and dates of Bruce being seen with their parents.

Imagine them demanding paternity tests. Imagine either Jason or Dick or both shoving Bruce against a wall having Charlie Day moments like "DID YOU FUCK MY MOM BRUCE"

Imagine the devastation of them thinking Bruce only took them in because they were his biological children.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"Can you honestly say, any one of you, that if I told you the truth, you would have stayed?"

[brakingpoint]

i missed your answer but happy day of the lord i'd love you to rank drivers by hotness because i think you're hilarious

you know what it's been like three days of the lord since you sent this but i've finally got bevved on one of them so let's go. i do not believe in rankings so i will instead be offering my commentary in current drivers championship standings order

max verstappen - i wont lie i know he's not everyone's cup of tea but i do find him quite sexy. do not understand the overwhelming tit hype on this website because this man would have to clench for his life to fill a victoria's secret training bra but it's fine because his beautiful autistic rizz and enchantingly bold nose make up for it. points deducted because i can tell his skincare routine is dish soap

lando norris - 2019 lando norris is like, i am honestly too old to have found him sexy if i'd been into f1 at the time bc even though we're only like 2/3 years apart in age he looks about 5 years younger than me. but i can completely get how if you were like 16 at the time he would seem like the cutest boy on the planet. like up all night era one direction vibes you know. unfortunately his 2024 styling with the weird desperate attempt at facial hair makes him look like a man who uses snapchat for evil

charles leclerc - objectively beautiful man crafted by the gods themselves but i can't honestly say he makes me feel anything carnally. i look at him as i would a marble sculpture in a museum

oscar piastri - he is not a bad looking guy but he does nothing for me. partially an age thing and partially his complete lack of rizz. he doesn't have time to be sexy he's got a job to do and that job is scaring the pants off lando norris every time he's within DRS range

carlos sainz - sometimes i think he is one of the top 10 sexiest men ever to exist on the planet and sometimes i think he looks like that really angry eagle off the muppets. he's got to work the right angles

lewis hamilton - much like charles leclerc he is someone who is so deeply objectively sexy that it almost reverts to me feeling nothing wait a second somebody just beamed psychic images of those interviews from like singapore 2019 where he had his hair up but with a couple bits framing his face so gorgeously and now i can't form words or think of anything else

george russell - the thing you have to understand is i went to oxford and i went clubbing a lot in oxford and so i have made out with a number of george russell lookalikes that is easily in the double figures. and i have zero regrets

sergio perez - he's not sexy he is like a cabbage patch doll whose nose i want to boop so fondly as i very gently whisper in his ear to DRIVE FUCKING FASTER

fernando alonso - i don't find him sexy but at the same time i can understand why lance stroll does

nico hulkenberg - i feel like you either have to be a really really straight woman or a really really gay european man to find him hot. and i am unfortunately neither

lance stroll - i'm refraining from answering until he grows his hair back out. at which point i will still refrain from answering but moreso for my own dignity

yuki tsunoda - we must not underestimate the rizz of a man so short he could be a back up dancer on sabrina carpenter's short 'n' sweet tour. i can unequivocally say i would

alex albon - you see physically he is not really my type but being engaged in conversation with him for more than five minutes would have me so horny i can barely breathe. i just love a dork yknow. i feel like i'd match with him on tinder by the strength of his bio even though his selfies are a bit shit and then i'd be actively drooling throughout the entire date

daniel ricciardo - in 2018, yes. in 2021 onwards, no. was he in some sort of reverse dorian grey situation where his portrait has gotten both hotter and attained better f1 results? who knows

pierre gasly - if he brings back the long swoopy hair with the frosted tips we are back in fucking business quite frankly

ollie bearman - i know he's technically an adult but he looks so young that even including him in this poll as an aside feels noncey to me

kevin magnussen - i have nothing to say. next

esteban ocon - he's tall, i suppose

franco colapinto - once again it's an ollie bearman situation where i can objectively acknowledge that he's a handsome lad but i've been following him since he was 19. i CANNOT see him that way.

zhou guanyu - i feel like his inherent swag is wasted in f1 i'd probably fancy him a lot more if he was some rando catwalk model i saw reblogged onto my dash precisely once when he was walking the runway in dior's latest collection at paris fashion week or something

logan sargeant (rip) - i really can't knock the people who fancy him because i feel like if you're american making out with 5000 guys who look just like him at college parties is my equivalent of making out with a ton of george russell impersonators at oxford. but thus i cannot see it due to our vastly different life experiences

valtteri bottas - he's hot in the way that like i walk into a gay bar and see the posters of men in leather jockstraps plastered around the place and go you know what this is not targeted to me but i can see why this is hugely titillating to the people these pictures were actually put up for. he's the closest to 1980s gay porn we have on this grid and i have to hugely respect that even if he's not my personal type

bonus liam lawson round - he looks like he was meant to debut in a boyband circa 2014 but accidentally got locked in a portaloo before their first recording session and they just kind of forgot about him there and he's just stumbled out into the daylight right now for the first time in 10 years and he's a little startled and hasn't learned about modern fashion yet but he's still kind of hot to people who would have desperately fancied luke from 5SOS were they above the age of seven at the time that band debuted

[bellascool]

Hi ! I love your imagine ! 💓 Can you make a Gavi x reader. Where the reader being criticised by gavi’s fangirls about her physic and that Gavi can find many better girls than her so she stars crying and overthinking about her relationship with him and she thinks to leave but Gavi will arrive and ask her why she cries. Thank you if you’ll do it

Hii, thanks for requesting bae (and thanks for the love <33) 💕

INSECURE

masterlist

request on my profile

posted : 18/02/23 (European date)

Being compared and critics are killing you slowly

You grabbed your phone and put it on the dressing table to start a live.

You pressed the live button and made sure there was no filter since you didn't like it.

"Hi everyone, today I'm showing you my makeup routine!" you happily said while putting on your makeup headband

"You look gross without makeup."

"Thanks God she's not going to stay like this. Hopefully makeup will hide your ugliness."

You acted like you didn't read these comments, keeping your smile while you felt a small knot forming in your throat.

"A lot of you guys asked for my routine so here I am!" You started applying cream on your face

"The secret for a smooth skin is hydratation! Make sure to use some cream before doing your makeup and after taking it off."

"Absolutely no one asked but ok sure"

"Your own advice doesn't work on yourself. Your skin is horrible just like your big belly lmao"

You kept on laughing to the other nice comments but you couldn't ignore what they said.

"Are you and Gavi still together?" you read out lout while blending your concealer

"Of course we are! I never loved someone like him and- oh my, I'm so embarrassing" you cut yourself laughing at how easily you could talk about your love for your boyfriend

"Someone tell her to shut the fuck up"

"He could do better tbh. There are a lot of girls way prettier than her who could kill for him"

Your smile faded a little as you started overthinking about that one comment.

It wasn't even a lie. There's so many girls with perfect body, perfect smile, who doesn't need makeup to look like the future miss universe and yet, he still chose you.

You weren't that special, yes you were pretty but compared to all these girls.

Aww man, why can't I be perfect like them too?

"Are you okay? Why did you suddenly stop smiling and talking ?"

"Oh I'm sorry, my ADHD isn't helping me stay focused" you tried to hide your pain with some humor while you just wanted to disappear right now

"And then I add some mascara, I personally use the maybelline lash sensational sky high mascara, best mascara ever!" you said in a fake happy tone

"You look so fake. Gavi is probably dating you to use you for the medias or something."

"I don't understand, Adriana Falco is so much prettier than you. I hope Gavi dumps you for her."

That was it, you had enough, you felt tears forming and didn't wanted to cry in front of everyone like that.

"I'm sorry I gotta go, see ya" you quickly mumbled before ending the live as the tears and pain you held finally left your body

You started to cry harder and harder, remembering all the comments.

It wasn't the first time that people compared you and told you that you didn't deserved a guy like Pablo but you always let it slide and now all the accumulation was bursting out with your tears.

You took your head between your hands as your breath quickened at how hard you were crying, making your shoulders bounce while your whole body was shaking.

Well you knew that you wasn't attractive enough for a handsome boy like Pablo so you tried to hide it with humor.

Maybe you really don't deserve him, I mean, he's pretty, nice, famous, rich, funny, caring while you were quite the opposite.

You didn't even hear the door open and the boy throwing his bag as he rushed to hug you.

"Oh my God, y/n what's wrong?" he was standing next to you who was sitting which means you had your head against his abs, his arms around your shoulders hugging you tightly "I was gone for a hour and you were fine before I left, what happened?" he asked confused

You tried to speak but all you could get out of your mouth were sobs.

Pablo kissed your head as he softly stroked your back to comfort you, understanding that you couldn't speak.

"It doesn't even matter, come here" he gently picked you up bride style and made you lay on your mellow bed, putting the blanker on top of your body

"Wait a second"

He then disappear from the room, leaving you and your thoughts alone, you felt a little better thanks to him but not enough to stop crying.

He came back 2 mins later with a tray full of snacks and his grey sweater that you loved which he did too and never let you steal it from him.

He put the tray on the nightstand next to the bed and came next to you, giving you a small kiss on your wet cheek before handing you the piece of cloth you always wanted.

"Put it on, linda" you did as he asked, you immediately stopped crying as if you were a kid who would stop if you gave him a lollipop

Pablo noticed it too which made him chuckle before going under the blanket, pulling you against his warm body with his arm around your back so you're laying on top of him now.

You wrapped your arms around his torso while he put on your favorite movie.

He looked down at you, putting his hand on your right cheek, softly caressing it before he gave you a little kiss on your lips.

"Better?" he whispered as if he talked too loudly he would hurt you, you hummed in response and watched the start of the movie

"I love you, thanks for taking care of me" you

mumbled against his chest

"I will always take care of my favorite person" he softly smiled, followed by you, loving the nickname he gave you

"Pablo can I ask you something?" you broke the cute moment as you lifted your head to look at him in the eyes

"What is it hermosa?"

"Would you.. I mean do you really think that I'm pretty? Please be honest." you looked away, embarrassed as he was confused

"You're the prettiest girl on earth, of course you are" he said as if it was obvious

"But my body-"

"Your body is perfect the way it is" he cut you off

"There are girls that are prettier with a better body than mine though" you mumbled

He cupped your cheeks with his hands, forcing you to look at him. He had a serious face.

"Y/n I don't care about other girls, I only care about you and I know that you're the prettiest, nicest, most caring person and I have so many words to describe how perfect you are so stop comparing yourself to other girls. And if people try to convince you otherwise then they're jealous because they can't have what you got." he said in a calm yet serious voice

You felt a tear running down your cheek but this time, it was a happy tear.

He wiped it off with his thumb and connected your lips together in a soft and passionate kiss.

The kiss was delicate and you couldn't help but smile against his lips, happy to have him.

When you pulled out, you rested your head against his shoulder as his hands wrapped against your waist, pulling you even closer then you already were, a smile on his face, glad to have you as his girlfriend.

Funny how his words could impact you so much in a positive way.

[a-roguish-gambit]

Completely off topic but Kurt absolutely is a big part of the furry community he just shows up to conventions as himself and takes pictures with people, some people have made OCS based off of him and he loves it it's so nice to see people who want to look like him. It gets to the point he becomes an influencer among furriers entirely on accident by just existing and being nice and queer positive. He shows off all the saint Bernards at the monastery where he lives (cause he literally lives at a swiss monastery that saves tourists in the mountains, they probably were one of the OGs who bred the dog in the first place) sometimes he has 3 am live streams where he bakes bread for the monastery and local homeless shelter and answers questions about mutants.

His sister and her husband have to take him to the big US cons once he starts getting invited cause the US is huge and scary to even consider navigating for short fuzzy Europeans like him. Rogue and Gambit just kinda shrug there shoulders about it. I feel like rogue is a bit weirded out by furries at first cause all she knew was the sex stuff but gets used to it quickly. Starts calling furries "care bears" cause of the big cute costumes and how huggy they are. Gambit doesn't mind but it's not really his thing. "Gambit seen weirder shit on Bourbon Street and nobody seems to care about dat. Don't get why people think these Disney world rejects are creepy." He uses the opportunity to get some new bedroom toys when they have to chauffeur him around to a con. Also they get essentially a free hotel room through Kurt so they can fuck off and have their own vacation in the city while he's doing con stuff.

Kurt took beast with him one time but poor guy got overwhelmed. People liked him so much he had to duck out. "So many requests for hugs! And dates...I'm not used to humans not screaming and running from me...what do I do with all these numbers all these people are expecting me to call them!!!" He finds the super science nerd side of the furry fandom though and is just like "my people". He does not understand half of the lingo but starts making regular appearances with Kurt.

One day they accidentally run into jubilee at one on the new york cons. She tries to play it off that she's here for a friend but she's literally carrying a bag with paw gloves. Eventually she caves and is just like "ok I watched too much Disney's robin hood growing up...."

[aphrodisiac-siren]

Coffee and Cigarettes~

Modern!Aemond X Reader

Summary: When Aemond's date doesn’t go as planned, one of his feisty classmates comes to his aid and manages to catch his eye, and not by her beauty, but mostly by her bold personality.

~my wifey @its-actually-minicika helped with the plot points and she gets loads of kissies for it mwaahh~

Also I'm sorry I went on a small break oops maybe the next chapter will be spicy?👀

Part 1, Part 2

Part 3

"What do you mean you don't see it?"

Aemond scrunched his nose as Y/N brought her hands up to cup his face, squishing his cheeks as she tiled his face to the side for Aegon to see as if his own brother hadn’t any memory of what he looked like.

"Tell me he doesn’t look like Alucard" she asked the older boy, still holding Aemond's face while he tried to wiggle out of her grasp. He wrapped his larger hand around her smaller wrists and she obliged and let go of his reddening face but let her hands drop onto his lap; a subtle gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Aemond.

"That vampire dude from Castlevania?" Aegon asked as he cocked a brow "I mean I would say yes, when my twat of a brother had his hair all grown out. But I still find it offensive you'd compare this monkey to him"

Aemond only rolled his eye, not too keen on arguing with his brother of all people, but Y/N was quick to respond.

"That's so mean, Aemond is hot"

Aegon chortled at this while Aemond gave her a sly smile, as if he didn’t believe a single word from the sentence that left her lips. And even though she sounded genuine, there was no fucking way she believed what she herself uttered.

Flattery at its finest, he thought.

He picked up his book once again, the one he had been reading before the entire debate of him and Alucard being lookalikes commenced. It was this old book he'd found in a bookstore, dusty and on the 'sale' rack and he wondered how anyone could pass by a book like this one and not want to pick it up and glance through it.

"Put that book down will you?" Aegon rolled his eyes from behind the kitchen counter as he fixed himself a cup of coffee "your obsession with dragons is getting weird now"

"I'm not obsessed" Aemond nonchalantly replied, not bothering to look up from the pages that bore the most interesting information in his opinion. He was well aware his boyish fancy with the mythical creatures would come across as odd and childish to most people but he didn’t really care much about Aegon's opinion and in the few weeks that he'd spent with Y/N, he came to a conclusion that she was not really one to judge someone for things as such.

Either she was too nice or just didn’t care.

"Dragons huh" She leaned closer and Aemond was expecting for her glance into the book but she instead rested her head in his lap as she examined the cover of the book he held from underneath "what's your favourite kind?"

"Oh god, don’t tell me you’re just as much of a nerd as he is" Aegon called out and Y/N simply rolled her eyes in response as she flipped him off to which Aegon responded to by sticking out his tongue "they're all the same. Large lizards with wings"

"Not exactly" Both Aemond and Y/N said at the same time and while the younger Targaryen brother took a moment to ponder over their perfectly synchronised response, Y/N continued to talk, as if their chorus of an answer did not fascinate her.

"There are European dragons, wyverns and Asian dragons" she spoke aloud as she traced the cover of the book, hoping that Aemond had a good grip on the book or else it would fall right onto her face "each one differs from the next. Did you know that-"

Aegon let out a dramatic groan as he plugged his ears shut like a child throwing a tantrum.

"You like dragons?" Aemond asked even though the answer was pretty obvious. He just never thought she of all people would be interested in something like this that most would term as nerdy.

"Duh" Y/N replied, now rather eager and enthusiastic about the conversation taking place "I had this one book when I was a kid by Earnest Drake and-"

"Not another word or I'll change my opinion of you being one of the cool kids"

"I am, regardless of what you say" the girl instantly retorted "dragons are pretty cool"

Aemond grinned at this, as if it was a compliment directed straight at him and not the bloody dragons that he was reading about. Furthermore, he was rather impressed and surprised in equal measure, that she of all people would have any remote knowledge about dragons.

The boy all of a sudden felt himself smiling even wider and he wanted more than anything to go on a whole-ass rant but he kept his composure so as to not frighten her off with his enthusiasm for the winged beasts.

He simply shut the book, after placing his bookmark amidst the pages, and gently booped her nosed with the spine of the book.

"Hey" Y/N giggled as she scrunched her nose, fondly looking up at the boy who was gazing down at her with the same level of fondness "what was that for"

"I didn’t do anything" Aemond snidely said as he shrugged, leaning slightly to his right to keep the book back onto the little table by the couch.

All of a sudden he couldn’t care any less about the book. He was far more curious to figure out the pretty girl who's head rested in his lap. What other interests did she have? Did she like literature too? Would she find ancient languages fascinating? Did she like Aemond? What would her lipgloss taste like? Would she moan or whimper if he-

What-

Aemond's eye widened at his own thoughts. Why the fuck would he even think of-

Stop it Aemond, He scolded himself inwardly she's your friend.

"What" she asked again with a smile as she looked up at Aemond who had momentarily zoned out and then tried to play it off by clearing his throat in a completely not-an-awkward way.

"I mh- nothing, just zoned out" Aemond said in his monotone voice that Y/N was slowly starting to find adorable rather than daunting.

"Just zoned out" she repeated and for a moment Aemond was willing to bet she had read his thoughts despite how ridiculous and impossible the probability of that happening was.

To his contentment, all she did was hum and get comfortable in his lap.

"Movie?" she asked aloud and Aegon shot her a thumbs up as Aemond nodded in agreement.

The silence that accompanied them as they scrolled through Netflix lasted only about a few seconds before each one tried to argue and pick the film they liked best. It was like a classroom full of toddlers who had gotten into a heated debate over who their favourite superhero was.

"We're not watching some shitty ass rom-com" Aegon blew a raspberry "we're going to watch a class-A horror movie"

"Absolutely not" Y/N snapped "you didn’t even hear me out to see which movie I picked"

"I think Hacksaw Ridge is the best pick" Aemond snatched the remote before Y/N could, which resulted in the girl pouting just to see if it would make Aemond submit to her.

It didn’t.

"Nice try" He chuckled which then only made the girl more irritable. She continued to stare at him, her gaze almost burning into his soul as she inched closer and closer until her chest was borderline pressed against his, her nose barely touching his and Aemond knew for a fact that one little move and her lips would collide into his and judging by the mischievous smirk dancing on her lips, she was well aware of it as well.

His heart almost leaped out of his chest when he felt her brush her bottom lip against his own and for those few milliseconds his brain short-circuited. He was about to have a full-blown heart attack but she pulled back and waved the remote proudly in his face that he was holding on to only a few moments ago; which he had absolutely no idea of when she snatched it out of his grasp.

Aemond heard his brother mumble an 'ew' under his breath but he decided not to comment nor give either of them a reaction even though his heart was beating faster. When she turned around to continue her argument with Aegon about the movie, Aemond discreetly swiped his tongue over his bottom lip- right where she'd brushed her own lips.

He softly hummed to himself when he tasted the faintest hint of her cherry lipgloss that she'd left behind in those few seconds of contact and he had to once again scold himself when he caught his brain thinking about wanting to taste more of it.

In the end, Aegon agreed to watch Y/N's choice of movie after they'd watched the horror movie he'd suggested.

Not having any more energy to argue, Y/N and Aemond just agreed.

"Don't worry Aems" she whispered into his ear as they got comfortable under the blankets on the couch "we both can watch your movie after Aeg drifts off to sleep. Or maybe spend the rest of the night in a different way, if you know what I mean"

Aemond's cheeks turned red and he was thankful that the lights were turned off. Y/N didn’t bother waiting for an answer nor did she bother clarifying if she was joking or being serious.

"Cig?" Aegon asked Aemond as he picked one from the pack for himself. The younger brother swiftly took the lone cig from his hand and then the pack which made Aegon sit upright in retaliation "yo what the fu-"

"Not right now" Aemond said sternly as he placed the cigarettes aside and away from Aegon, shooting his thumb in the direction where Y/N was sitting "she doesn’t like it"

Y/N bit the insides of her cheeks to stop herself from smiling; for some reason, she found the gesture cute.

"Simp" Aegon mumbled.

"Shut up" Aemond snapped.

And just to annoy him, Aegon repeated it again, emphasising the 'p' sound at the end that had Aemond groan and Y/N chuckle at their antics.

The excitement that Y/N had when starting the horror movie quickly died down since the movie Aegon picked did not live upto her expectations. The plot was cliché and the jump scares were poorly executed.

"Remind me why we're watching this again?" she asked as she made a face at the pathetic acting.

"Cause the leading actress is hot" Aegon smirked "nice tits"

Y/N rolled her eyes but then again, she wasn’t really surprised by his answer.

"I was more interested in our talks about those books" she whispered in Aemond's ear, making sure to brush her lips against his hot skin "dragons are pretty fascinating eh? Maybe you can show me yours"

Aemond's eye widened and he immediately turned to face her.

"Books" she said with a straight face, inwardly enjoying his abashed reaction to her cheeky statement "I meant you can show me your books on dragons that you have"

"Right" Aemond cleared his throat, quickly looking away from her and back toward the T.V. screen "books, of course"

Aemond wasn’t stupid. He knew exactly what she meant and he knew she wasn’t one to shy away from even doing whatever was on her mind- be it something as innocent as a kiss or something too sinful to even say aloud. The only thing that he found odd was that if he ever found himself in a situation that fell into either of the two categories, he did not seem to mind as long as it was with her.

What caused this sudden change? He couldn’t tell. Perhaps it was her feistiness from that day at the cafe or that underneath all of her ferociousness was a girl who was just as much of a geek as him and didn’t give two fucks about it.

Was he starting to like her? Probably.

Should he allow himself to like her? Probably not.

He was well aware he never had much luck when it came to dating and he wasn’t going to allow himself to get his hopes up only for it all to get shattered right to the ground.

But then again, she barely gave him any reason to feel insecure. That was a good sign, right?

Right?

Taglist: @melsunshine @yentroucnagol @alexa4040 @boofy1998 @rorawinters @fan-goddess @howdoichangemynameto

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Yet another long post, this time with clickbait-y titles for readability purposes,

Simon has "a type"

Thinking about the ways in which Agatha and Baz share similarities, and how that might lead to the conclusion of "Simon has a type" (which MRB so succinctly summarizes as "better than me") and... I think that's right, but notably: it's not just about dating choices. It extends to other areas of his life. It's also platonic.

I mean, Penny is his type. She's arguably the first person Simon has ever truly loved, the first relationship he forms in which he experiences real love... and she's a very competent person. She excels in areas Simon is interested in. When we meet him, he would tell you he's useless without her. "Better than me" can translate to "I'm a mess and I like to surround myself with people who help me keep it together."

Being traditionally beautiful can be seen as a form of "excelling," especially when you're a girl who is into traditionally girly things (like wearing make-up). Agatha is "prettier than all the other girls" and has nicer clothes and a nicer house, and Simon, who has no fucking self-esteem, tells you "pretty sure she likes being better than others" and likely likes her not despite her being a stuck up; it's "part of the charm." However, liking her doesn't mean he's into her. Simon likes her how he likes Penny: when Simon talks about hating that Agatha is no longer talking to him and essentially "not wanting to lose" her (while, tellingly, not doing shit to prevent this) he proceeds to tell you all about Agatha The Friend. Simon dedicates the entire page to telling you the kind of friend she is where he (very tellingly) should be talking to you about Agatha "The Girlfriend." He never tells you how the fuck they started dating; he tells you how they became friends. What Simon doesn't want to lose is her friendship.

I think "having a type" that applies not just to dating (on top of the heteronormativity of it all and Simon liking to not think at all) would actually make things more complicated for Simon ("do I like them as a person vs do I like like them, platonic attraction vs romantic and/or sexual attraction). Penny, who fits "Simon's type" is obviously like a sister to him. A bestie, a ride-or-die. If you think about it, Agatha is also like a sister – like an older sister figure, in some ways (likely contributing to how wrong it feels, them dating; the more info we get, the worst it feels). She's the "eww don't chew with your mouth open" person, the "please stop getting into trouble, Simon" person. It fits with "helping to keep it together" even if Simon doesn't listen. It must be nice too, because she's not just being judgemental for the sake of it either, she simply cares about him; something Simon doesn't experience often. (More grimly, dating her kinda fits within that too, because Simon doesn't know what to do with himself when he experiences romantic love and sexual attraction, famously not mild or easy to manage feelings – just look at him regularly losing his shit around Baz – and Simon not having those feelings for Agatha helped him exist not processing shit, even though that created other problems).

I would say that both Penny and Agatha are close friends and like sisters to Simon, the main difference being: Agatha doesn't look like the kind of girl you just want to be platonic with, not for boys. It goes against expectations for him to be a boy, to be a hero and not want her romantically and sexually, and Simon cares very much about fulfilling expectations. (Also, these people are British so I'm just gonna say it: Agatha being the lily-white blonde embodying European beauty standards to a degree that's romanticized like there's no tomorrow vs Penny being a brown chubby girl with frizzy hair also plays into it, plus Agatha being weak with magic vs Penny being powerful. Not consciously, but it's part of the design of the stories and roles and expectations that were shaping their lives.)

Agatha "vs" Baz

Sure, they do have similarities, but things that would make Simon simply drawn to Agatha (platonically, although he was confused, heteronormativity, etc) are a turn-on with Baz. It's a turn-on when Baz is a little mean (without being actually hurtful) to him. It drives Simon crazy that Baz is good at everything he does. The things Agatha is good at are not actually interesting to Simon... He's all about magic and one of the first things he tells you about her is that she's a weak magician (while telling you Penny and Baz are powerful) (he even gets distracted with how good Baz is; his life is in danger and he's talking about Baz being good at magic). Going to her activities (like her games) are things he would be "obligated" to do because he's her boyfriend and he's supposed to support her. (In a similar way, he would be "obligated" to be there too with Penny, even if he's not interested in the activity, because he's her best friend, and it goes both ways... which is how Penny found herself stalking Baz alongside Simon at first haha). With Baz, there is no such obligation. He has no reason to go to all his games; he invents silly excuses (that he later admits where "obviously just excuses," he already knew Baz is a vampire etc) because he simply likes watching Baz being ruthless in the field. He simply likes listening to him play his violin. Simon shows interest even when he doesn't have to.

This is something that I picked on during my first read, and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced I'm right. In some ways, Agatha embodies "female desirability" in Simon's and Baz's POV (she does something similar to them with the whole hero vs bad boy deal). She is "Simon's type," she's very similar to him (they share a braincell, if you will). In short: she seems like someone that Simon would be into... if he was into women. But he's not into her. Paraphrasing the author here: he "has no romantic instincts" and "he never expresses anything sexual" toward her. He likes her and she likes him, sure, but not like that. (Simon equating the way he can see Agatha is attractive to the way his gay boyfriend should be able to see it, Agatha equating the way she liked Simon to the way the girl she wants to jump would like him if she gave Simon a chance) (they share a braincell, I tell you.)

In CO, Simon tells us that he was always just "doing what he thought Agatha wanted." In awtwb, he thinks that he will give Baz "whatever he wants." On the surface, this might look like the same thing, but there are actually pretty notable differences.

With Agatha, in his own words, "he always got it wrong." He "never put her first" (he actually put her dead last, look at his list and the excuses he gives). Doing whatever he thought she wanted operates on assumptions, and doesn't contemplate his own wants. It can also be about guilt over knowing that Agatha, in the role of girlfriend, didn't have any priority in his life (hence she "always feeling like the third wheel" while they dated). Putting it all together, it's pretty clearly a sign of Simon's disinterest. Of Simon being unhappy and not actually wanting to be her boyfriend, because he doesn't love her. Doing what he assumed she wanted then it's a form of just complying, of following expectations and giving in to his role, of perhaps even trying to "make it up" for things not working without ever having to process shit.

With Baz, Simon wants. He tells you that he wants to be the person who takes care of Baz. He tells you that he likes it. Taking care of Baz is a love language (which explains how fucking murder is his love language: protection and proving for him) Simon tells us he can't think about anything else when Baz is unhappy. That it's thrilling to "make it better." "Giving him everything he wants" then it's a sign of Simon's interest. He wants to be with him, and he wants to make him happy, because he loves him. This is also not based on assumptions; it comes in the context of Baz telling him what he wants. Doing what Baz wants then it's a form of Simon giving himself to him, to their relationship, to putting in the work to make it work.

Types of comfort vs discomfort

Part of the differences jumped to me before the goat scene, when we see Baz arguing with Simon over hiding his wings in Agatha's POV, and as soon as she joins in to support Baz Simon gives up. I think a couple of things: it's more of a 2 vs 1, rather than Agatha having more weight than Baz. But also: Simon arguing over (and dismissing) concerns over safety is familiar ground for Agatha, and this comes after he apologized to her over their past together, so I wonder if part of it is Simon listening to her because he feels guilty over dismissing her concerns for safety in the past. Also, and more relevant to this post: Simon feels comfortable with Baz in ways he didn't with Agatha, which is notable given how Baz notes that Simon is comfortable with her in a way he is with few people...

What I mean by this is that Simon did date Agatha in survival mode. "Doing what he thought she wanted" is also survival. Just doing whatever needs to be done to keep the relationship, because is the one thing enabling the HEA fantasy that it's all about "maybe he won't die young and alone" in battle (and because of, again, the heteronormativity of it all). See how breaking up instantly leaves him with nowhere to go at Christmas and without access to adults who took care of him during that period ever since he started Watford. How wanting to break up with her would require him to pursue thoughts and feelings that would result in getting to know things about himself he wasn't ready for, things he didn't feel equipped to handle and that would make his existence in his role complicated, when his role was the one thing giving him purpose (hard enough being "enemies" without being aware he was in love with Baz).

I there's discomfort with both, but with Baz it's the "right" kind of discomfort. The "pushing myself to work through things that should be worked through and process my feelings" type of discomfort, the "getting to know myself" type of discomfort, as opposed to "I don't actually want to do the things I'm doing here" type of discomfort." (Just like how he was the "wrong kind" of comfortable with Agatha while they dated, the: "it's better to not think about anything ever and stick with what's familiar even when it makes you miserable" type of comfort, while it was likely an easy comfort when they were friends).

With Baz, Simon first feels comfortable enough to push and test boundaries before they start communicating. To say stop where with Agatha he likely just turned off his brain and pushed through. And then, he feels comfortable in ways he has never felt before. He feels comfortable enough to begin to think about his desires, his relationship with touch, his thoughts and feelings, which he never has before. To fully be himself in all his fucked up glory. To the point he reveals part of himself you wouldn't think where there when you first read him in CO, that completely re-contextualizes things we saw there even.

[woofwoofwolf]

Go home, Hobie Brown pt. 2

Hobie Brown x reader

Part 1:

Notes: Alt and aro ace reader (although that’s less relevant here), fluff-ish, reader remains GN but might have a writing bias towards fem, Hobie does some illegal shit, Hobie and reader are adults, use of (y/n), no phonetic spelling of Hobie’s accent, brit written by a European sue me, he’s probably a bit OOC in this one,

“Why does reader work at a factory and not, say, a pub? That’s a little weird isn’t it?” it’s bc I work at a factory and this is once again ✨wish fulfillment✨

So this initially was something else, but I realized that it was similar in structure to my previous work and that if I reworked it a little bit, it would be a nice addition to that. Is this a series now? I fucking hope not, I have a bad track record finishing those. Loosely connected two shot for now. I might come back tonight to tweak some stuff, but I think it is in a readable state lol

Pls dont repost anywhere thx ✨️

You tried your best to ignore him. An half hearted attempt to deprive him of the reaction he wanted while you continued to flatten out your stack of cardboard boxes, throwing them into the container next to you. Hobie was standing right in front of you, not having said anything to you since he arrived. He stood far enough away from you for it to appear casual and incidental, but close enough for him to still tower over you.

Finally, his patience caved. “…hey,” he said.

“Hey, Hobie,” your tone was cool. You didn't feel as embarrassed now that there were no people around, right outside of the small factory you worked at.

“What are you doing?”

You peered up at him with a smirk on your face. “I need to throw out these boxes. You know, for my job? My job that I have at this factory that we’re currently at. That you jumped a fence over to get to just now.” You gestured towards the fence right in front of you.

“Ey no way,” Hobie laughed as if he hadn't known all along. “You think they got cameras?”

You shrugged, all the while continuing your work. “We have a front door. You could’ve just talked to the lady at the front desk. She might have let you through, you know?”

“Nah, didn't like the look of her.”

"She probably wouldn't have liked the look of you either to be fair," you laughed. Technically, she'd be right, Hobie was trespassing. But she was a sour tart anyways, so you understood Hobie’s comment.

"What's wrong with those boxes anyways?" He pointed. "They look brand new."

You had noticed that he had been antsy about that. He probably didn't like you throwing out boxes that were still more than usable. It wasn’t something you agreed with either, but it wasn’t up to you.

"Dunno." You answered. "I don't think theres anything wrong with them perse. They probably prepared more than they needed."

"That's IT?! What a bloody waste," He gave the container a kick after his outburst. "Why are you contributing to this,"

"Boss's orders" you gave him a cheeky salute.

"I'm disappointed in you," You choked back a laugh.

"I knew you would be. I'm part of the machine, Hobart," You stuck out your hands and did a mock robot walk. “they’re coming to get you, Hobart-” 

Hobie pushed your arms back to your sides. His hands lingered there longer than your heart could handle "That stupid uniform too... They're stripping you of all the important bits."

"Well.” You said, hoping to go back to a lighter tone. “If you know of an anarchist version of this part-time job where I can come and go when I want, where I barely have to speak to people and where I make this much money, doing the workload equivalent of Homer Simpsons job, then let me know." It was true, this was the easiest part time you've ever had. "If you look at it like that, I'm practically stealing from the boss, don't you think?"

"I know of a job like that." He said, playing along. "It's called 'dating me'. heard It's got real good benefits too. "

"Ohhh does that include the part that I dont have to talk to my boss?" Hobie’s big dumb smirk dropped to an amused smile.

"No, I'd prefer if you kept doing that to be honest."

You couldn't hold it in and you awkwardly laughed alongside him.

"Can I have them?" He asked out of the blue.

"Pardon?"

"The boxes.”

"What do you need cardboard boxes for?" You put the box you had picked up back on the pile. "Don't become a hoarder, Hobie, I'll stop visiting you guys."

"Not me," he picked up one of the boxes to inspect. "For Gwendy. These are the exact size she uses to ship her clothes in when she sells them online."

You looked at him with narrowed eyes. If he took the few remaining boxes, you could finish up and go back inside, which was tempting.

Before you could answer him, the door to the building opened.

"Hey (y/n)," your manager said. "I came to check on you. Who's this..?" She frowned at Hobie, who was obviously not supposed to be there. Hobie looked troubled, even though he liked testing the boundaries he didn't want to get you fired over something like this. Which is honestly something he should have thought of before coming over, but what can you do.

"Actually," you said in the most somber tone you could muster. You placed your hand on Hobie’s arm in a comforting gesture. "Hobie just told me his grandma passed away this morning." You felt him stiffen up, his emotions shifting from confused to amused to acting out sadness in a split second.

Hobie, of course, didn't have a grandma in his life.

"Oh..." your manager said, you knew how empathetic she was. "I'm so sorry to hear that."

“I’m sorry ma’m.. I know I’m not supposed to be here, but,“ He let out a very fake sob and you suppressed the desire to roll your eyes. “I just know how close (y/n) was to my nan... I’ll be going now...“

Before he went though, he turned around and grabbed an entire armful of cardboard boxes. Leaving your manager stunned. Hobie walked towards the fence gate.

“You perhaps got a key for this gate? Ah, you do? Thank you I’ll be leaving now, Cheers.“

Your manager looked at you when he left. “Ah well. Nan would have hated for those boxes to go to waste.”

---------

Alright wow, I'm being so productive with fics at the moment this is kind of crazy.

I hope he isn't TOO out of character? I think it's really hard to get his speech pattern right. And then I don't just mean his accent, but how that interacts with his cheeky and confident way of talking. But my biggest pet peeves in fics of his at the moment are a) phonetic spelling of his accent and b) people who write fake and cringey British slang. (He doesn't constantly speak in cockney rhyme in the movie ppl lol) Bonus point if both are true, haha... I've lived in England, but honestly, getting it right is difficult, and I still feel like I'm having him say american phrases 😭

[black-arcana]

Watch: A Bat Lands On THE PRETTY RECKLESS Singer TAYLOR MOMSEN's Leg During Concert In Spain

According to Metal Journal, a bat landed on the left leg of THE PRETTY RECKLESS singer Taylor Momsen during her band's May 29 performance at Estadio La Cartuja in Seville, Spain as the support act for AC/DC.

After playing the fifth song of THE PRETTY RECKLESS's set, "Witches Burn", Taylor addressed the crowd, saying: "You guys are pointing at something, and I wanna know what you're saying." She then looked down at her leg and noticed the bat, after which she return to the microphone and exclaimed: "There's a fucking flying bat on my leg right now. Can someone help me, please? I must really be a witch."

A stage quickly hang came over a removed the bat, prompting Taylor to say: "Gracias. It's all right. And the bat's fine. He's gonna be my new friend," before adding, "Holy fuck."

Guitarist Ben Phillips then told the crowd: "Well, that hasn't happened before." Momsen went on to say: "I'm telling you. I'm a fucking witch. I attract the bats. Someone, bring out a black cat. It's gonna be great."

Phillips said to the audience, "Gracias for pointing it out," before Momsen added: "I thought you were pointing at my SOUNDGARDEN bracelet. And I was, like, 'Oh. Fucking they like SOUNDGARDEN. Awesome."

During an appearance on the May 6 episode of SiriusXM's "Trunk Nation With Eddie Trunk", Taylor was asked about the progress of the songwriting and recording sessions for THE PRETTY RECKLESS's fifth album. She said: "I don't have [release] dates for you, but we booked — we've locked up the studio for eight months. It takes us a while to make a record. But it was going amazingly [before we paused the sessions in order to hit the road]. Hopefully when we pick back up in September, it'll be the same kind of flow and everything will just jell. But a lot of it's written. I'm sure that more will be written when these experiences happen and then new songs [arise] out of them. So I'm sure that there'll be some more songs coming. But I don't have dates. But it was going great, and we had just started; we really haven't started at all, but there's written stuff. So that's a start, I guess. But as far as recording, we hadn't really gotten into it yet."

This past January, THE PRETTY RECKLESS shared a photo of Taylor in the studio with Jonathan Wyman, who co-produced THE PRETTY RECKLESS's latest album, 2021's "Death By Rock And Roll", apparently confirming that Wyman has re-teamed with the group for the upcoming LP.

In a May 2023 interview with Ronni Hunter of the 99.7 The Blitz radio station, Momsen revealed that she and her THE PRETTY RECKLESS bandmates had commenced work on the follow-up to "Death By Rock And Roll".

"We're in a great headspace," she said. "We're just having fun with it, and wrapping up the tour cycle of 'Death By Rock And Roll'. And then new record — and it's next chapter. We've already kind of started it… We've gotten into a studio; we've stepped foot into a studio. So that's saying something for us."

THE PRETTY RECKLESS is supporting AC/DC on the legendary hard rock band's spring/summer 2024 European tour. Momsen and her bandmates also opened for THE ROLLING STONES on May 11 at the Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas, Nevada.

In November 2022, THE PRETTY RECKLESS released a new collection of music, "Other Worlds", via Fearless Records. The effort saw the group delivering its first proper acoustic recordings, unexpected covers and other reimaginings.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was made available in February 2021 via Fearless Records in the U.S. and Century Media Records in the rest of the world.

Upon release, "Death By Rock And Roll" topped multiple sales charts — including Billboard's Top Albums, Rock, Hard Music, and Digital charts. The record also yielded three back-to-back No. 1 singles — "Death By Rock And Roll", "And So It Went" (featuring Tom Morello of RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE) and "Only Love Can Save Me Now" (featuring Kim Thayil and Matt Cameron of SOUNDGARDEN). The band has tallied seven No. 1 singles at the rock format throughout its career.

"Death By Rock And Roll" was THE PRETTY RECKLESS's first album to be made without longtime producer Kato Khandwala, who died in April 2018 from injuries sustained in a motorcycle accident.

THE PRETTY RECKLESS formed in 2009 and consists of Momsen, Phillips, bassist Mark Damon and drummer Jamie Perkins.

In 2021, Momsen — who rose to fame portraying the character of edgy little sister Jenny Humphrey on The CW's "Gossip Girl" — described "Death By Rock And Roll" in an interview with ABC Audio as a "battle cry for life and for hope."

"I think that that's something that we can all use a little bit more of, especially right now," she said. "We could always use a little more hope, and we could always use a little more rock and roll."

[fleacollar999]

w-werewolf ideas? -pleading eyes- (but only if ur up for it)

Hello, friend, I am finally here with my treatise on Medieval Werewolves. So this is going to be more like a Brief History of Werewolves as I Can Remember It Off the Top of My Head, Over A Year Since I Read Most of These Sources, than maybe the list of werewolf fucking ideas you might have been looking for. I hope you will agree that this rich history of werewolf lore is a GOLDMINE when you view it with the monster fucking lens. Now, the story I've been working on only has incidental werewolf-fucking, it's not a Monster Fucking story, but I will do my best to help you.

WEREWOLVES ARE REALLY FUCKING OLD. The first recorded "beast-man" is in the Epic of Gilgamesh (~2100 BCE), where Enkidu is a "bull-man" that Gilgamesh helps to find his humanity. Not werewolf specific, per se, but monster fuckers have been around a while. The most famous early werewolf is Lycaon of Arcadia (I believe a date of around 400 BCE), a king who fed Zeus the flesh of his own son cause he thought it would be funny, I guess. Zeus turned Lycaon into a wolf, or wolf-man, and that's where the word Lycan comes from. This also establishes a connection of werewolves with cannibalism.

So now I am actually going to fast forward to the Middle Ages. There is a rich, rich history of werewolves in Europe, particularly in the Slavic and Baltic regions. In Renaissance Germany, werewolf trials were held alongside witch trials. The Malleus Maleficarum, written in 1486 and was like *the* handbook for witch hunting, contained passages on identifying and capturing werewolves. (I'm pretty sure. Like I said it's been a year since I read this stuff.) So what did medieval people believe about werewolves?

There were many ways to become a werewolf. You could have the bad luck to be born on Christmas Day or (interestingly) the night of a New Moon. If you drank water that collected in the pawprint of a werewolf, you too would be cursed. If you died and an animal jumped over your corpse? Werewolf. In Livonia, it was said that if you spoke a certain incantation over your drink, you would become a werewolf upon consuming it. There were also ways to be a werewolf were one had more agency in the transformation. A wolf-pelt belt (often called a "wolf-strap", which cracks me up for reasons we won't discuss here) could be used to transform yourself into a wolf. To become human again, all you had to do was remove the belt. Some people believed you could do the same with a wolf skin. There are stories where if a werewolf's clothes are stolen while they're in wolf form, they will remain that way-- you can read about one such story, as recorded by tumblr user @qqueenofhades here! In Elliott O'Donnell's 1912 book simply titled Werewolves, there is a description of a ritual to summon some dark entity called "the Unknown" who could supposedly grant you powers of lycanthropy. Maybe don't do that. (This book also discusses other, non-European forms of Lycanthropy!)

There are ways for a non-lycan person to return a lycan to their human form; one can return their clothes to them, one can call them by their Christian name (sometimes 3 times, sometimes just once). There are accounts of a witness recognizing the werewolf due to some identifiable injury or something, and once they speak the werewolf's name he will turn back into a human.

Some ways to recognize if a person is a werewolf or not: do they have hair growing on their palms? If you cut them, is there hair growing inward from their skin? Are they just so, so hairy? In Swedish tradition, I believe, it was said that werewolves looked just like regular wolves except they had no tail-- so a werewolf would run on three legs, holding his fourth leg out behind him to look like a tail. Some werewolves still have human eyes when transformed.

A lot of the pop culture lore about werewolves comes from the 1941 The Wolf Man, which really brought the werewolf into modern times. You can check that out if you'd like, it's interesting stuff, but not in the scope of the research I've been doing.

OH MY GOD FLEA you just did a HUGE info dump on werewolves, this is not what I wanted. Yeah, I know, but you triggered my special interest gag-reflex.

But like.... Character A loves Character B and finds their clothes one night, takes them to wash, and a big hairy beast starts following Character A???

Character X gets attacked by a bad guy in the woods but a big ass wolf fends him off and gets a slice down his face. The next day Character Y has a nasty facial wound that seems somehow familiar??

The bond of being able to recognize your lover even when they're in animal form, even when you didn't know they could do that????

And I mean MY GOD just apply A/B/O shit to werewolves HELLO (that's what started this whole spiral for me).

I particularly like medieval monster fucking because the Middle Ages are just very interesting to me. There is a lot of political and religious stuff going on, a lot of culture clashing and forbidden fruit and what not. Remember how I said that there is a rich history of werewolves in the Slavic and Baltic regions? Those were the last areas of Europe to get converted to Christianity. And they resisted, HARD.

Livonia, the Baltic area where you could enchant your beer to make you a werewolf, has a famous account of a man on trial for being a werewolf. "Hell yeah I'm a werewolf," he said. "Me and my werewolf buddies go down to Hell three times a year to fight the Devil and his demons." If I recall correctly they weren't sure what to do with this guy because he *confessed* to being a werewolf and hadn't really done anything wrong. I believe there's another Livonian tale of an abandoned castle where all the werewolves gathered once a year. And something about werewolves breaking into your basement and drinking all your beer and stacking all the barrels up to the ceiling just to be little shits I guess?

Anyway, I think this is super interesting and I know this is not like "Medieval Werewolf Headcanons" but just get out your horny goggles and I am SURE you can find some good shit in this WAY TOO LONG POST.

Peace and LOve