#fuck loretta young

[jimmythejiver]

Fucking glad the catholic fascist who treated her out of wedlock daughter like 'walking sin' (and forced corrective ear surgery on her to look less like the father) and abandoned her rock star son (who was put in a predatory record contract) to homelessness and kept a swear jar on set is losing this round to Marlene Dietrich after beating my favorite last time.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Loretta Young (The Farmer’s Daughter, The Stranger, Love is News)— Her cheekbones!! Her lips!! Her big eyes and small nose and not quite classical features!! The planes of her face hypnotize me and her smile clears my mind of anything else. She’s an interesting beauty, not a standard one, almost in a Mads Mikkelsen type way (I repeat: cheekbones). Also I’m begging people to watch The Farmer’s Daughter, a charming rom com where my babygirl Joseph Cotten falls through the ice while skating because he got distracted by how pretty she was, and where Loretta puts on a 40s-bad Swedish accent and runs for Congress! Girlboss!

Marlene Dietrich (Shanghai Express, Witness for the Prosecution, Morocco)—its marlene dietrich!!!! queer legend, easily the hottest person to ever wear a tuxedo, that hot hot voice, those glamorous glamorous movies.... most famously she starred in a string of movies directed by josef von sternberg throughout the 1930s, beginning with the blue angel which catapulted her to stardom in the role of the cabaret singer lola lola. known for his exquisite eye for lighting, texture, imagery, von sternberg devoted himself over the course of their collaborations to acquiring exceptional skill at photographing dietrich herself in particular, a worthy direction in which to expend effort im sure we can all agree. she collaborated with many other great directors of the era as well, including rouben mamoulian (song of songs), frank borzage (desire), ernst lubitsch (angel), fritz lang (rancho notorious), and billy wilder (witness for the prosecution). the encyclopedia britannica entry im looking at while compiling this propaganda describes her as having an “aura of sophistication and languid sexuality” which✔️💯. born marie magdalene dietrich, she combined her first and middle names to coin the moniker “marlene”. she was a trendsetter in her incorporation of trousers, suits, and menswear into her wardrobe and her androgynous allure was often remarked upon. critic kenneth tynan wrote, “She has sex, but no particular gender. She has the bearing of a man; the characters she plays love power and wear trousers. Her masculinity appeals to women and her sexuality to men.” in the 1920s she enjoyed the vibrant queer nightlife of weimar berlin, visiting gay bars and drag balls, and in hollywood her love affairs with men and women were an open secret. she was an ardent opponent of nazi germany, refusing lucrative contacts offered her to make films there, raising money with billy wilder to help jews and dissidents escape, and undertaking extensive USO tours to entertain soldiers with an act that included her a playing musical saw and doing a mindreading routine she learned from orson welles. starting in the 50s and continuing into the mid-70s she worked largely as a cabaret artist touring the world to large audiences, employing burt bacharach as her musical arranger.

This is round 2 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Loretta Young:

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

"ms dietrich....ms dietrich pls.....sit on my face"

"First of all, there are those publicity photos of her in a tux. Second of all, I have never been the same since knowing that she sent copies of those photos to her Berlin lovers signed "Daddy Marlene." Not only is she hot in all circumstances, but she can do everything from earthy to ice queen. Also, she kept getting sexy romantic lead parts in Hollywood after the age of 40, which would be rare even now. She hated Nazis, loved her friends, and had a sapphic social circle in Hollywood. She also had cheekbones that could cut glass and a voice that could melt you."

Bisexual icon, super hot when dressed both masculine and feminine, lived up her life in the queer Berlin scene of the 1920s, central to the 'sewing circle' of the secret sapphic actresses of Old Hollywood, refused lucrative offers by the Nazis and helped Jews and others under persecution to escape Nazi Germany, the love of my life

Her GENDER her looks her voice her everything

“In her films and record-breaking cabaret performances, Miss Dietrich artfully projected cool sophistication, self-mockery and infinite experience. Her sexuality was audacious, her wit was insolent and her manner was ageless. With a world-weary charm and a diaphanous gown showing off her celebrated legs, she was the quintessential cabaret entertainer of Weimar-era Germany.”

"The bar scene in Morocco awoke something in me and ultimately changed my gender"

"Her manner, the critic Kenneth Tynan wrote, was that of ‘a serpentine lasso whereby her voice casually winds itself around our most vulnerable fantasies.’ Her friend Maurice Chevalier said: ‘Dietrich is something that never existed before and may never exist again.’”

"Songstress, photographer, fashion icon, out bisexual phenom (notoriously stole Lupe Velez and Joan Crawford's men, and Errol Flynn's wife, had a torrid affair with Greta Garbo that ended in a 60-year feud, other notable conquests including Erich Maria Remarque -yes, the guy who wrote All Quiet on the Western Front- Douglas Fairbanks Junior, Claudette Colbert, Mercedes de Acosta, Edith Piaf), anti-Nazi activist. Marlene was a bitch - she had an open marriage for decades and one of her favorite things was making catty commentary about her current lover with her husband, and her relationship with her daughter was painful- but she was also immensely talented, a hard worker, an opponent of fascism and the hottest ice queen in Hollywood for a long time."

"She can sing! She can act! She told the Nazis to fuck off and became a US citizen out of spite! She worked with other German exiles to create a fund to help Jews and German dissidents escape (she donated an entire movie salary, about $450k, to the cause). She looks REALLY GOOD in a suit. If you're not convinced, please listen to her sing "Lili Marlene". Absolutely gorgeous woman with a gorgeous voice."

Gifset link

"Bisexual icon and Nazi-hater. Looks absolutely stunning in the suits she liked to wear. 'I dress for the image. Not for myself, not for the public, not for fashion, not for men'."

"Did a bunch of humanitarian work during ww2, pretty sure a shot of her from Shanghai express was the inspiration for one of queens album covers and also her in the suit in Morocco (1930) CHANGED LIVES. I’m sure she’s already been submitted but I wanted an opportunity to submit one of my favourite pictures of her for the poll"

"would you not let her walk on you?"

[cesperanza]

So I was reading Ethel Merman's Wikipedia page...

Shh shh don't ask why, just don't! But I share with you the delightful fact that there's a section dedicated to "Profanity," which includes this delightful anecdote:

While rehearsing a guest appearance on The Loretta Young Show, Merman exclaimed "Where the hell does this go?" Young, who was a devout Catholic, advanced towards Merman waving an empty coffee can, saying, "Miss Merman, you said the 'H' word! That'll be twenty-five cents."—to which Merman replied, "Tell me, Loretta, how much will it cost me to tell you to go fuck yourself?"

[portrait-of-a-moron]

Hear me out, I’m over analyzing Jays Lore again.

Libber and Cliff’s relationship reminds me so much of Loretta Young and Clarke Gable.

Loretta and Gable were well-known actors in the 30s, and at the time that Loretta got pregnant, were working on a romance film in 1935. She hid the pregnancy because it would cause too much drama within Hollywood at the time, and she saw no other option. Judy Lewis (the daughter) was born late in that year, and was given up to orphanages for the first few years of her life before Loretta adopted her, later privately disclosing that she was her mom.

TELL ME THATS NOT FUCKING CLIFF AND LIBBER AND JAY.

Libber and Cliff had Jay, but Libber ended up giving him away to Ed and Edna because of Cliff’s absence, and because she just couldn’t take care of him on her own. Cliff the chronic womanizer can’t keep a stable family dynamic, clearly.

This was essentially the same case with Loretta and Gable, since he was married at the time, and their daughter was not conceived consensually. He was not present in Judy’s life except for one time, where he went to visit Loretta and ask how Judy was. Judy had no idea Gable was her father then.

Cliff didn’t keep contact with Jay at all, but as seen in Skybound, he did keep up with his life, collecting like photos of him and his zx suit I think (don’t quote me on the suit thing I haven’t watched skybound in a bit).

Gable and Cliff both consciously chose to keep up with their children without ever telling them that they were their father.

Also, totally not proving my point but I do think it’s fun that the initials match too. J and J, CG and CG, L and L.

Idk!!! I just, I’m nerding out about history shit and Lego shit all at once it’s autism extravaganza over here. I know it’s not what inspired it but it just reminds me so so much of it.

[majorbaby]

What are your favourite things about Margaret Houlihan?

I like that she's a complex character with a very diverse arc. She's good and kind yes, she's also insufferable and cruel at times.

I personally liked her best as an antagonist, but I like when she's a hero to, and in that role, Loretta/Margaret could be villain and hero at the same time just by virtue of taking up so much space, despite the fact that Gelbart and Reynolds gave much of her MASH (1970) role to Frank Burns. Everyone knows it's Margaret calling the shots, and so the production reflects the plot and I love that shit - can we not almost immediately tell that Frank Burns will run his course, but Margaret Houlihan will go on to grow and continue to be a force in a new way?

so even though i love her as a villain, in this case, I place more value on what she and Loretta brought to primetime american television audiences than what I as an individual want. More on that some other time.

I like that she's self-aware, and the show is aware of that too. It makes the transition from early to late-seasons Margaret feel natural, rather than shoe-horned in. She knows she's changed. She reflects on her past relationships (Stars and Stripes) and her past selves (Comrades in Arms pt. 2).

I like that it makes so much fucking sense for her to have such dramatic character development because she's done it before: Lorraine Anderson remarks how much Margaret has changed when they're reunited. Are you Now, Margaret tells us that Margaret was apparently hanging out with young "undesirables" and perhaps even was one herself at some point, rubbing shoulders with communists and having car sex with her college boyfriend. And I like that she then grows up to be Frank Burns' sidechick, homewrecker, repressed hot mess... the poorest of poor little meow meows. A blorbo if I ever had one.

I like that she's kinky.

I like that she's a foil to Hawkeye but she's also his equal in loving without fear or reservation. I love that every time she does that, it blows up in her face, but it's still clear to us that she'll do it as many times as it takes to find the real thing. I like that just like Hawkeye, by the end of the show I'm confident that she's going to be just fine.

I like that whenever Margaret is on screen, it's clear to me that she wants something and she's going to do whatever she can in her power to get that thing. I especially like when that "thing" that she wants is something more for herself. That "wanting something and going for it" is what makes her main character material. I like that she's a main character and you kind of get that sense no matter how often she's relegated to supporting cast. She and Klinger are alike in that way.

I like that she fucks Hawkeye when she's still married to Donald. I like that she doesn't fuck Trapper even though she's attracted to him, because she loves Frank. I like that she fucks Frank outdoors, in supply, behind supply and in the x-ray room. I like that she fucks.

I like that she leaves. She leaves Frank, Donald and Scully. I like that it's easy to extrapolate her leaving a man who can't offer what she deserves in exchange for her loyalty, love and dedication, to her one day leaving the military.

I'd like to say I'd watch a whole show about Margaret, but because of her enormous, demanding presence on MASH, it feels as though I've already done that.

[femmewulf]

my fringe omitb theory base on the most recent episode:

for context, things we know (spoilers below cut):

loretta wrote "fucking pig" and has that weird anti-ben notebook

dickie may have invented cobro

dickie was adopted before ben was born

dickie is now loretta's agent

things i think are true:

dickie knows ben's watch is set 20 minutes fast, so he knows gregg wasn't actually in the building at the time of the murder

loretta is about the right age in comparison to dickie to have been a teen mom or at the least very young

thus, the theory:

i think dickie and loretta may have killed ben...because loretta is dickie's birth mother. they reconnected at some point once dickie was older (hence her hate journal for ben), but weren't heavily in contact...until they wind up in the same room for Death Rattle.

[norgbelulah]

From "What We're Building Could Be Anything" (I am having fuckign Loretta feelings again):

“Anyway,” Boyd continued. “You were little, then. We thought eight or nine. But now I think on it, you must have been at least ten.”

“Eleven,” she said softly. “I was always small.”

Boyd nodded, though she couldn’t see. “Raylan and I, we’d just been through some trouble. It was bad trouble, but we came out of it okay and that night we were celebrating. Felt nice to go out in the town, see people, feel normal, so we went to the Dairy Queen.”

Loretta held her head still as Boyd tugged gently on her hair. The tangles were coming, but they weren’t easy. Loretta hadn’t winced or hissed once.

“And we saw you and your Daddy there that night. I think we waved to each other, wasn’t til later that we spoke at any length,” Boyd said. “But we saw you and we talked about you. I told Raylan that when you was born and after, all your daddy wanted to do was just talk and talk only about you. How pretty you were, how cute you were, whether you was sleeping or eating enough. And at the time that was happening I thought he was crazy, being a very young and stupid person.”

Loretta’s shoulders shook in silent laughter and Boyd grinned, catching a stray strand of her hair between his fingers and pulling playfully. “But that night at the Dairy Queen, my mind changed. I saw your daddy pushing you on the swing, and I thought...Well, hell, I’m not sure exactly what I thought. I do have a lot of those, all at once, quite often. But I think one of those thoughts was that it wouldn’t be so bad, having someone like you to take care of. And by that I mean, these days, I think it would likely be real fine. So don’t you worry about Raylan’s and my privacy any more.”

Loretta turned suddenly to look at him, and her face wasn’t so much hard as it was very still, her eyes much more like a child’s than they typically seemed. “Yeah?” She asked, voice quavering.

“Yeah,” Raylan said from the doorway and Boyd was glad for it, because he wasn’t so sure he could speak in that moment, so he nodded. Loretta whipped her now tangle free hair around. Raylan had his arms crossed as he leaned against the jamb. He was wearing his dark grey jacket, a blue plaid shirt, and the black silk tie with the embroidered diamonds on it that Boyd had got him for his birthday.

I love that you picked this scene. I actually kind of wonder if, when I wrote this, my brain was like, “WELL THEY ADOPTED HER SO THE STORY IS OVER” and that’s why I was never able to fucking finish this fic. 🙃

So yeah, this is Boyd and Raylan deciding independently but communicating at the exact same time that they love Loretta and want to take care of her forever.

I always see Raylan as a character who would never choose fatherhood but when it happens to him, he’s like ready to go immediately. I tried in the arc of their relationship to show Boyd as someone who has to think through things and actively choose them. And this conversation is a culmination of him (for years of his life) wrestling with the question of parenthood and saying, “yes” and “you.”

Loretta in this story, as in canon, has been through a lot and I really wanted, conversely to canon, to let Raylan (and Boyd) be able to actually be real permanent and committed parental figures rather than just a temporary, albeit kindred spirit, stand ins.

Also I love Kaitlin Dever in this role. I think she brought such personality and vulnerability to a role that as written could have very well come across as too adult for a kid so young. I wanted to bring that to my writing and I hope I did.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Sylvia Sidney (Thirty Day Princess, Merrily We Go To Hell, One Third of a Nation)—She is a noted needlework and pug enthusiast. So, you just know, if tumblr had been a thing in 1930, her entire blog would've been cute dog pics and beautiful watercolours that have 'satin stitch on silk' in tiny writing at the bottom and make you rethink everything you thought you knew about fibre crafts. Which is HOT.

Loretta Young (The Farmer’s Daughter, The Stranger, Love is News)— Her cheekbones!! Her lips!! Her big eyes and small nose and not quite classical features!! The planes of her face hypnotize me and her smile clears my mind of anything else. She’s an interesting beauty, not a standard one, almost in a Mads Mikkelsen type way (I repeat: cheekbones). Also I’m begging people to watch The Farmer’s Daughter, a charming rom com where my babygirl Joseph Cotten falls through the ice while skating because he got distracted by how pretty she was, and where Loretta puts on a 40s-bad Swedish accent and runs for Congress! Girlboss!

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut]

Sylvia Sidney:

I watched this woman in Sabotage and my entire life became dedicated to watching everything my short queen is in. She's my Amanda Seyfried of the 1930's and even though people probably know her only from Beetlejuice I am begging for people to just look at her.

My generation knows her from Beetlejuice and Mars Attacks, but in the 1930s she was a knockout leading lady. She’s Jewish, good representation, and in the 80s supported AIDS research, so we know she’s a good egg.

Loretta Young:

[cartoonfanaticmonsterrobotalien]

Sneak Peek to Solar Opposites in Mighty Solars Issue #49: “Monster Mayhem Part 2”

Loretta: Oh my God.

Brittany: What?!

Loretta: Someone disliked a picture of me in dance class! I’m getting trolled right now!

Then, more of Black Mirror ends up receiving troll texts which terrified them. Black Mirror growls.

Mia: What the F? Jack, why did you tweeted I was going out with some loser?!

Jack: I didn’t!

Rebecca: I’m totally getting troll right now too!

Loretta: What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

Maurie: I have to get home to a computer! runs off

Loretta: What the fuck?! What the fuck?!

Black Mirror: This ain’t over! I still got those witches! Meet me at dusk or else! flies off

Mighton is confused. Suddenly, a familiar figure shows up as she breaks the ground after landing with one fist. The Mighty Solars turned around and gasp

Stacy G/???: Hello Mighty Solars…

Mighty Solars: Huh?

Yumyulack Solar-Opposites/Vil-Gil-An-T: Who are you?

Stacy G/???: Don’t worry. I’m sure I got enough trolling taken care off. You gotta be careful when you’re a new superhero. Some say girls don’t make great superheroes until Fung-irl came along.

Jesse Solar-Opposites/Fung-irl: True.

Stacy G/???: And if you’re asking who I am, you can call me… Spikerella!

Suddenly, Fung-irl recognize notices the same eyes underneath Spikerella’s mask.

Jesse Solar-Opposites/Fung-irl: Stacy G?

Stacy G/Spikerella: Hey guys.

Terry Solar-Opposites/Mighton: There’s no way.

Louise/Magma: Oh my god! My sweet young lady has turned into a hero! I am so proud of you hugs Spikerella

Vil-Gil-An-T faints.

Stacy G/Spikerella: smiling Thanks mom.

Then, she notice Terry’s eyes glowing orange

Stacy G/Spikerella: Uh, Terry? Are you-

Terry Solar-Opposites/Mighton: What the?! Why is my eyes glowing orange? I didn’t get hit with the same potion my husband did and-

Suddenly, Mighton feel something that is painful as his skin suddenly starts turning black.

Phoebe MacCarthy/Starburst: Uh, what the fuck is happening?

Yumyulack Solar-Opposites/Vil-Gil-An-T: I don’t know, but I think we should run!

Jesse Solar-Opposites/Fung-irl: No! We have to help Terry before-

Suddenly, Mighton starts growing bigger and muscular as his super suit rips apart, but his mask is still on him as he began to moan in pleasure by this

Terry Solar-Opposites/Mighton: OOOOOH YEEEAAAH! voice gets deeper I! FEEEEEL! GOOOOOOOOOD!

Montez: Holy shit!

Yumyulack Solar-Opposites/Vil-Gil-An-T: Oh my god! Terry! Are you okay?!

And with that Mighton has fully become Mundane as he roars and then looks at Mega Mundane Korvo and growls.

Nova/Heartstar: Mighton? What are you-

Mundane Mighton grows to a mega form as he growls and heads towards Mega Mundane Korvo as he roars. Mega Mundane Korvo sees him and growls, which made the other Mighty Solars nervous.

Stacy G/Spikerella: Uh oh. This is not good! We have to stop them!

Cherie: Yeah and fast! We must tell them who each of them are! Mighton might have lost his sanity!

Jesse Solar-Opposites/Fung-irl: I agree!

As the heroes race towards their transforms friends, Mega Mundane Mighton roars and Mega Mundane Korvo pummels to the ground as the two Mundane husbands lost their sanities.

Jesse Solar-Opposites/Fung-irl: Guys! Stop it!

Yumyulack Solar-Opposites/Vil-Gil-An-T: It’s okay Mighton! That’s your husband, Quasarblast!

Sherbet/Fizziepop: Snap out of it Quasarblast! It’s okay! The Mega Mundane you just met is your husband! Mighton!

Mega Mundane Quasarblast gasps when he realizes the truth.

Mega Mundane Korvo Solar-Opposites/Quasarblast: whines in shock

Mega Mundane Mighton snarls but then ends up gasping in shock as he regain his sanity and sees his husband.

Mundane Terry Solar-Opposites/Mighton: Oh god. What have I done?!

Mega Mundane Quasarblast starts whimpering as he starts crying but Mega Mundane Mighton starts soothing his face while calming down his hubby.

Mega Mundane Terry Solar-Opposites/Mighton: Ssh. Ssh. You’re okay, babe.

Mega Mundane Quasarblast weeps as he finally regain his sanity and Mega Mundane Mighton embraces him.

Mega Mundane Korvo Solar-Opposites/Quasarblast: I’m so sorry…

Mega Mundane Terry-Solar Opposites/Mighton: It’s okay honey. Everything’s gonna be okay…

The two husbands then kiss.

Mighty Solars: Aaaw…

Fung-irl starts crying her eyes out after being touched by this moment while Spikerella giggles and pats Fung-irl’s shoulder softly in comfort.

[willowmckinley]

After... five months (FIVE FUCK) I have remembered to post my Pokémon au headcanons that I didn’t post during masqball because I didn’t want to give myself away.

Here are my full teams, plus a recap of Raylan’s team and additional headcanons for them.

Raylan:

Teddiursa: Baby, timid. She was being bullied by a Beedrill horde and ran away to Raylan to get him to protect her. Even after she evolves, Raylan babies her, and Boyd teases him for it, even though he still babies his (now evolved) Mismagius too.

Absol: Duchess, quirky. Raylan’s first pokémon. He found her the first time he ran away from home. She was also running away from her den. She stays out of her pokéball more often than not. Sometimes she’ll leave Raylan for days at a time, but she always comes back.

Luxio: Trigger, hasty. If you take a look at this pokémon, this stage of evolution is that of a rebellious teen. Raylan can relate.

Cubone: Boxcar, gentle. Another big ole crybaby. Raylan spoils them, though.

Rockruff: Indy, sassy. Arlo and Helen both have Lycanrocs. Arlo’s is in Midnight form and Helen’s is in Midday’s form. Raylan’s evolves into a dusk form, reflecting Raylan’s own boundary crossing identity, both lawman and outlaw, both the cowboy and the beaten child.

His last pokémon slot will later be filled by another Applin (careful), given to him by Boyd. This Applin is not shiny, but does evolve into a Flapple.

Boyd:

Misdreavus: Medusa, impish. Boyd’s first pokémon. He found her when he was young, wandering around his Daddy’s woods near the hunting cabin. She later evolves into a Misgmagius.

Sneasel: Jolly.

Kekleon: Lonely.

Rotom: Naughty.

Seviper: Serious. @wildglitterwolf also gave him a Seviper, but you know what, he’s right.

Applin: Yggdrasil, adamant, shiny. Will later evolve into an Appletun.

Everyone else:

Ava: Liepard, Lurantis, Nidoqueen, Altaria, Vespiqueen

Tim: Inteleon, Decidueye, Jigglypuff, Musharna, Slurpuff, Aromatisse. He genuinely enjoys the softer, pink pokémon, but the Intelon and Decidueye found him and decided they were his.

Rachel: Lucario, Zebstrika, Cinccino, Pachisiru, Talonflame. She has both tough and soft pokémon. She doesn’t quite have a theme, so much as she has a team of pokémon that love her and suit her.

Art: Samurott, Stoutland, Jellicent, Donphan. 

Winona: Primarina, Milotic, Delcatty, Liligant

Duffy: Bannett, Toxtricity, Purugly, Furfrou

Dewey: Shelder, Shroomish, Krookodile, Whooper, Scraggy

Loretta: Kirlia, the first pokémon she had captured, when it had been a Raltz, Lombre, Leafeon, and a Skitty her Daddy had bought for her from a breeder.

Bob: Blissey, Clefairy, Audino, Alcremie, as well as one Pangoro that will beat your face in.

Vasquez: Watchog, Floatzel, three Indeedee (one of both variations, as well as one shiney female)

Arlo: Lycanroc, Arbok, Dodrio, Ariados

Helen: Lycanroc, Galvantula, Lioone, Kangaskhan, and a Bewear whom she calls her big ole precious idiot

Frances: Chimecho, Slowpoke, Floette, Masquerain, Politoed

Bo: Nidoking, Scoliopede, Drapion, Gengar, Aggron, Haxorus

Bowman: Galarian Zigzagoon, Torracat, Primeape, Vigoroth

[playlistjunkie]

Best Get Ready Playlist by Tyler Childers

3/7/20 - WhiskeyRiff.com - by Wes Langeler

• Housefire - Tyler Childers

• Leaving Lousiana In The Broad Daylight - The Oak Ridge Boys

• Plastic Saddle - Nat Stuckey

• East Indian Princess - Laudon Wainwright III

• Country Squire - Tyler Childers

• Lets Invite Them Over - George Jones

• Don't Feed the Animals - Shooter Jennings

• Things Goin' On - Lynyrd Skynyrd

• Matthew - Tyler Childers

• Ugly Woman - Jerry Reed

• Mama Bake a Pie (Daddy Kill a Chicken) - Tom T. Hall

• Girl On the Billboard -Jim & Jesse

• What I Really Mean - Robert Earl Keen

• Peace of Mind - Tyler Childers

• One Night Stands - Hank Williams Jr.

• Lousiana Man - Buck Owens

• Awful Lot to Learn About Truck Drivin' - Red Simpson

• A Week in County Jail - Tom T. Hall

• Ever Lovin’ Hand - Tyler Childers

• Chick Inspector (That’s Where My Money Goes - Dick Curless

• County Boy - Ricky Skaggs

• All Your'n - Tyler Chillers

• Loser's Cocktail - Dick Curless

• It’s Such a Pretty World Today - Wynn Stewart

• That Just Kills Me - Wynn Stewart

• Live Fast, Love Hard, Die Young - Faron Young

• Crazy Arms - Jerry Lee Lewis

• High School Confidential - Jerry Lee Lewis

• Hillbilly Fever - Jerry Lee Lewis

• Settin' the Woods on Fire - Jerry Lee Lewis

• My Home Ain't in the Hall of Fame - J.d. Crowe

• Take Your Shoes Off Moses - Ralph Stanley

• Gemini - Tyler Childers

• Rank Stranger - Ralph Stanlay

• Over the Glory Land - Ralph Stanley

• Amazing Grace - Ralph Stanley

• I'll Answer The Call - Ralph Stanley

• Going Up Home to Live in Green Pastures - Ralph Stanley

• Boogie-John Hartford

• Holding - John Hartford

• Joseph’s Dream - John Hartford

• The Cover of "Rolling Stone" - Dr. Hook

• Welcome To Goose Creek - Goose Creek Symphony

• Whupin It - Goose Creek Symphony

• Creeker - Tyler Childers

• Chicken Train Stomp - The Ozark Mountain Daredevils

• Tarheel Boys - Town Mountain

• Lawdog - Town Mountain

• Up the Ladder - Town Mountain

• Foggy Old London - Jimmy Martin

• Bus Route-Tyler Childers

• Milwaukee Here I Come - Jimmy Martin

• One Loaf Of Bread - Dave Evans

• Harlan County - Jim Ford

• She Turns My Radio On - Jim Ford

• Long Road Ahead - Jim Ford

• Working My Way to LA - Jim Ford

• Under Construction - Jim Ford

• Pinball Blues - Moore & Napier

• Mama's Got The Know How - Doug Kershaw

• Third Rate Romance - The Amazing Rhythm Aces

• Typical American Boy - The Amazing Rhythm Aces

• Countrified - John Sanderson

• Haunted House - John Anderson

• I've Got Me a Woman - John Anderson

• Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox (If I Die) - Joe Diffie

• Don’t Come Home a Drinkin’ - Loretta Lynn

• Gettin’ Happy - Dolly Parton

• Fancy - Bobby Gentry

• Memphis, Tennessee - Bobby Bare

• Wolverton Mountain - Southern Culture on the Skids

• Muswell Hillbilly - Southern Culture on the Skids

• Banana Puddin' - Southern Culture on the Skids

• Put Your Teeth Up on the Window Sill - Southern Culture on the Skids

• Give Me Forty Acres - Jim & Jesse

• Six Days On the Road - Jim & Jesse

• Hole in the Ground - Larry Cordle

• Death Metal in a Minivan - Dinosaur Burps

• Dungeon Map - Dinosaur Burps

• Nap in the Face of Danger - Dinosaur Burps

• Aswdwnwl - Dinosaur Burps

• Orange You Is Peachy - Dinosaur Burps

• Don’t Touch Me - Tammy Wynette

• Fuck You - CeeLo Green

• Don't Pay the Ransom - Nat Stuckey

• 4th Of July / He Stopped Loving Her Today - Shooter Jennings

• Where the Stars and Stripes and the Eagle Fly - Aaron Tippin

• Kiss This - Aaron Tippin

• Tight Fittin' Jeans - Conway Twitty

• Hello Darlin' - Conway Twitty

• Slide Off Of Your Satin Sheets - Johnny Paycheck

• Woman (You Better Love Me) - Johnny Paycheck

• Country John - Allen Toussaint

• Shoot Low, Sheriff! - John Anderson

• Steam Powered Aereo Plane - John Hartford

• O.D.’d in Denver - Hank Williams Jr.

• Fax Me a Beer - Hank Williams Jr.

• She's All I Got - Johnny Paycheck

• Stop the World (and Let Me Off) - Waylon Jennings

[corijamison]

“I KNOW WE’RE ALL FUCKING EXHAUSTED; AM I IN MY HEAD OR HAVE WE ALL LOST IT?”

INTRODUCING…

NAME: Coraline ‘Cori’ Loretta Jamison

GENDER & PREFERRED PRONOUNS: Cis woman {She/Her}

AGE: 26

BIRTHDAY: January 10

ZODIAC: Capricorn Sun, Leo Moon, Scorpio Rising

SEXUALITY: Bisexual

FACE CLAIM: Maggie Lindemann

HOMETOWN: Brooklyn, NY

OCCUPATION: Actress (Francesca Gillian on Unashamed) & Musician (Quickswitch)

CHARACTER PLAYLIST: HERE.

UP NEXT: “DEBBIE DOWNER” BY LØLØ

BIOGRAPHY: tw drugs, overdose, death, mental illnesses, runaway, homelessness, hospitalization, suicide attempt, homophobia / biphobia

Coraline Loretta Jamison was born at 1:10 AM on 1/10/1998 in Brooklyn, NY (she’ll pull her birth certificate out to prove it). Her mother was a teenager and couldn’t take care of her, so she was given up. Her adoptive parents being a young couple who couldn’t have a child, so it wound up working out perfectly. Cori grew up in a loving household. Her father being a homicide detective whilst her mother a preschool teacher. Though her father was rarely home, she adopted a lot of his traits.

Her curiosity for the world and everything around her was one of those traits. Her mother, though sweet, restricted most if not all of Cori’s freedom. But that’s expected when you live in an area that contains 90% of crime for the whole state. With her father having such a dangerous job, it only made sense for her mother to be overbearing on her. But overbearing parents made rebellious kids. Cori would always sneak off to Manhattan for as long as she could remember.

Cori was always intelligent, but she’d swear up and down that she hated school. The truth of the matter is that everything was too easy for her, so she would just skip classes or not show up, altogether. It did get progressively worse as she got older, especially in high school; If it weren’t for her grades and her family’s name, she would’ve been dropped. It just..... didn’t hold her attention, and she would rather be in a record store in the East Village than have to sit in a room with people who took an hour to comprehend two lines in a book.

Cori had a lot of mental obstacles she didn’t quite understand. Most of it was rooted in her identity - feeling like a stranger in her own skin, constant disassociating. People would say her name and she wouldn’t feel as though it was her. She was suppressing her bisexuality for the longest time, mostly due to her mother thinking it was a ‘made up’ sexuality. In Cori’s mind, she was a girl who went to school - but what else?

She never really voiced these feelings, fearing she would seem crazy to others. Instead, she found music. Now, Cori already had fond moments with music; Most being the jam sessions with her father in the car. Her taste of old-school punk actually came from her father, his favorite band being The Sex Pistols. She also had her city friends, when she would sneak out at night and crash concerts of more underground bands all throughout the AMs. But, on her 15th birthday her father took her to see Green Day on their 99 Revolutions Tour. Billie Joe Armstrong actually pulled her up to play guitar, and it was that moment that she knew she wanted to pursue music.

Her father gave her his old guitar from back in his high school days, and she would go to school (or skip) and just practice for hours. This created a distance between her and her parents, which made her mother even more controlling. The pressures from her mother to focus more in school and pushing this pre-established path her mother created for her, made Cori push back. Feeling as though she couldn’t breathe nor have the freedom to grow and develop into who she was meant to be, she ran away at age 16.

Cori couch surfed between her friends in the city, also being sucked even further into the night life. She dabbled within her sexuality as well as drugs. Though, being so young, she didn’t understand the extremities of her actions. She was brought home after being hospitalized due to an overdose and she wound up moving back in with her parents.

Her parents wound up telling her about her adoption when she hit 17, which pushed her over the edge and mentally destroyed her. This strained her relationship with her parents, marking no trust and a blame she put on them for her identity crisis. She always felt there was something wrong and that she didn’t fit, and unloaded that blame on her parents (mostly her mother). It was around this age that she became very ‘fuck you, and YOU, AND YOU’ towards everyone. It was also around this time that because she couldn’t be a voice for herself, she became a voice for her friends and those who were dealt the short end of the stick in life.

She was hospitalized again at age 18, but due to depression. To this day, she’ll swear she didn’t know you weren’t supposed to take that many sleeping pills. Through the program in rehabilitation, she gained a support system from those going through the same shit she has. She had a newfound confidence that was built so high that once she was out, she announced that she wanted to be a musician. Her father was disappointed in her choice and well as her mother. They still pushed her to go to a community college to gain a degree as a backup, where she dropped out within the first semester. Her parents wound up kicking her out because they weren’t going to house someone who was ‘going nowhere’ in their life.

Being kicked out had her back on her friend’s couches, and back in the nightlife scene more than usual. She was a merch girl for one of her friend’s bands, and that introduced her to harder drugs. She lost one of her friends to an overdose and swore she’d stay away from any of it, ever since. Seeing that NYC held more negative memories than positive, Cori packed her bags and wound up wandering around the country with only $60 to her name. This is the point in her life where she claims she found her home; her people with whom she banded together with in order to conjure up a crazy band - banking everything on her dreams and the kooky family she found for herself: Quickswitch.

Quickswitch was created as a way to bring feminine power to the punk-pop/alt scene. It was not by their own doing that they blew up on TikTok; fans posting videos, which landed Cori and the band to migrate to California. With the lack of a record label, Quickswitch was on the rise but was on the lookout for that vital piece in order to reap any benefit financially. Cori wound up being ‘discovered’ by a casting director who popped into the record shop where she worked double-time to make her part of the rent. Basically being handed the part of Francesa Gillian due to the interaction they had, Cori knew it was a dream but not her dream. She took it for the sake of the money. With the success of Unashamed, Cori and her band were able to attract enough attention from record labels. Ultimately, they utilized a majority of Cori’s income to create their own label for themselves; Not wanting to fall into a binding contract and fucking themselves over by the blood-sucking management of a big label. In honesty, they didn’t need much of PR with the success of Cori’s show. Now, if only she could quit the acting gig. Unfortunately, there’s no way she can without black-balling herself. So, she kinda is just waiting for the network to stop renewing her show so she can give all her time and energy to her genuine passion in life.

EXTRA-EXTRA, READ ALL ABOUT HER!

Cori is heavily extroverted. You can’t tell, based on how closed-off she appears. But, she would go crazy if she had to go the day without conversing with people. She loves late night adventures, horror films, and last minute plans. She’s impulsive and reckless when bored, and takes a liking to thrill-seeking activities mostly because she’s numb on the inside and wants to feel something, ya know? Cori is very just. This comes from being raised by someone in the law enforcement field, but also from the music she was raised on. She’s very quick to defend and root for the little man. She’s also very passionate about people being themselves and throwing social norms out the window. Cori is sarcastic; She’s a Capricorn, okay? She calls other people out for their shit (but god forbid you call her out), and keeps her circle very small (fear of rejection if she shows people the real her). If she does see you as a friend, she will 10/10 be loyal: call her up at 2 AM if you need her for anything, she’ll be there. She’s always down for debates and will play devil’s advocate for the fun of it. She loves conspiracy theories (totally thinks Courtney Love killed Kurt; loves joking about simulations). She has a problem sleeping, and her sleep is just all around fucked? She can sleep for 3 hours and be good for 72. She loves food (Taco Bell for the win). Uh, idk what else to say - oh, she doesn’t trust people. She’s also very secretive about her past and no one knows about it besides the fact she’s from NYC. She also hates the fame and wishes she could give it up - but it’s far too late for that; Definitely thinks she shouldn’t be someone who has fans.  

HEADCANONS

Cori has a padlock necklace she wear religiously from her father. It’s a replica of Sid Vicious’ who is both of their favorite band member from The Sex Pistols. She wears it as a salute to her father, because even though he kicked her out, he was the one who was always there for her and who she viewed as her best friend. He’s part of the reason she got so into music (introducing her to bands via jam sessions, the Green Day concert). To this day, she never talked to her parents.

Cori goes by ‘Cori’ because she watched Coraline as a kid, and it scared her shitless. Now the movie is one of her favorites, but still goes by Cori for signature sake.

Cori is vastly educated in music due to her extensive obsession and research growing up. Her knowledge on vinyls comes from her dealing with vinyl specialists in the city when she was younger and hungry for inspiration. Due to this, she was hired as a vinyl specialist for a short period when Quickswitch was gaining their footing in LA. 

Cori isn’t medicated. This is mostly because she’s too stubborn to see a therapist, but she also uses her humor? Basically, she is like every other comedian you see on Netflix who make other people laugh and happy because they can’t make themselves happy. She’s also really good at hiding her unhappiness, because of her comical trait.

Her favorite pun of all time is the scene from ‘Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2′ when the boat goes off the cliff and the guy goes ‘AH! THERE’S A LEAK IN THE BOAT!’ and then it pans to a LEEK AND THE LEEK SCREAMS. She laughs for a good 5 minutes at that.

She is the lead singer, rhythm guitarist, and main songwriter for her band; Though, she can play upwards of five instruments, total.

PERSONALITY:

+ Comical, Open-Minded, and Adroit

- Self-Destructive, Enigmatic, and Outspoken

[dragon-communion]

I have this headcanon/AU idea that won't leave me alone.

Basically, Royal Knight Loretta is 100% an albinauric disguising herself as a standard Carian. First in service to Rennala's family, serving as a mentor to a young Radahn in archery and horsemanship (because if you want the best for your son, literally nobody does it like an albinauric archer), and then when Radahn moved on to learn gravity magic she requested permission to travel to the Haligtree.

Ranni decides this is a perfect opportunity to forge ties and maybe get a little information, so Loretta gets permission and leaves behind a projection to report back as needed. She goes to the Haligtree, is enamored and swears loyalty on the spot, and paves the way for the rest of the albinaurics to follow her.

But.

By the time of the game, the Haligtree has lain in decayed ruins for awhile, haunted by soldiers that literally magically explode for want of their lord and the steadily encroaching Rot. By the time the Haligtree Avatars are overtaken, she knows the time for waiting is over.

Miquella swore safety and hospitality for the albinaurics, and instead her archers are dying in the barren wastes for a tree that will never flower and a city full of rotting mourners. This is not a haven anymore, and someone must answer for it. Miquella swore her an oath.

So Loretta abandons her post at the Haligtree to track down her liege lord and ask him, as gracefully as possible, "what the fuck?".

She is not prepared for what she finds.

[foxingpeculiar]

Elden Ring/SotE:

Okay, so when I left off, I was crossing the Consecrated Snowfield.

Went and checked out the ruins on the west side, and the tunnel over there. Killed Astel 2.0 in one. Made my way up to the Walking Mausoleum and brought that down, then went in the church and finished Latenna's quest. Then went over to the Minor Erdtree and dealt with the Putrid Tree Spirit there. Nothing to write home about.

Then it was time for Ordina. Went in and got assassinated pretty quickly. Then had a "nuh uh, Homie don't play that*" moment about it, got the special torch from the merchant in Altus, two-handed my katana and hunted those bitches down. They don't respawn, so then I could look for the candles in peace. Still had to deal with the archers on that one roof and the only way I could manage it was to use a shield for cover while I got over there. The only time in the entire game I've used a shield. But we got the candles lit and I got into the Haligtree.

(*that's an In Living Color reference, in case y'all are too young.)

I probably missed some stuff on the upper branches, but I was very "I hate fighting gravity in these games and these are some narrow-ass spaces to be fighting bubble dudes with AOEs and ants ten times my size," so made it down to the actual structure pretty quickly. From there, the second of the big Misbegotten Warriors got me a couple times before I managed him, but nothing else felt too difficult. Got Loretta in one and eventually made my way down to Elpahel.

I remember having to do this section A LOT the last time I was here--to the point that I remembered enemy placement for a lot of it pretty specifically, but nothing was too bad this time. I did NOT, however, deal with either the Revenant or the Putrid Avatar(s). Sort of accidentally stumbled on a path that just straight up circumvented all of that, and was like "well, alright. I can always come back if I really feel the need." (I won't.)

Killed the three Crystarians to get their treasure and then made it down to that bit where you have to cross the swamp that slows your movement and basically guarantees you’re gonna get Rotted. At which point, I was like... "WTF, why don't I know how to craft Boluses to deal with this?" Because I missed a cookbook in Siofra River, apparently, so went and got that and that made the whole experience much better.

Cheesed the Ulcerated Tree Spirit by waking it up, then quickly jumping back onto the branch and running up to the top of the arc. He was BIG MAD about it, but couldn't hit me, and I unloaded three flasks of Loretta's Greatbow on him from a safe distance before he went down.

Then chose to help Millicent, cos I like Millicent, and finished her questline and got the needle. And then, after a quick trip through a very heavily armored garden, it was Malenia time.

I was a little nervous going in, cos last time she basically felt impossible and I couldn't really do it myself--I had to summon in a co-op player to help. This time, my first time in there with her, I got her halfway through her Goddess of Rot phase. The whole time I was thinking "holy fuck, this would be legendary if I did this in one shot," but no--it's not quite that easy.

Eventually I landed on a strategy of cautious but unrelenting aggression. Summon Mimic Tear, then just start Night Cometing the fuck out of her until she gets close enough to do Transient Moonlight and start wailing on her. If she starts paying too much attention to me, run away, let the Mimic Tear divert attention, then get back in there. Build up bleed damage as quickly as possible, stagger her as much as possible and pray she doesn't decide to do Waterfowl Dance at you.

The problem would come in the second phase, when she'd open with the Scarlet Aeonia. I could get out of the way of it just fine and be blasting her with spells from a safe distance, but the Mimic would run in and basically roast itself on the rot-radiation after she landed. And then I'd have to deal with her without a split in aggro and I could last a while, but not usually long enough to finish her off.

But then, one time, the Mimic still had a little health and the spells I was blasting her with were just connecting and... the whole second phase lasted, I think, less than a minute. And I beat the shit out of her. It took maybe 15 tries and a little over an hour, but considering she's considered the hardest Fromsoft Boss, as of the base game of Elden Ring, that's not too shabby, really.

So, I'm of two minds now. Do I go fight Gideon and Godfrey and finish off Goldmask and Dung Eater and save the DLC for last? Or am I ready to head down and fuck up Mohg now?

I'll decide tomorrow... or whenever I play next.

[aspenwriter]

Canaan's Bizarre Buffet, Part 4/5

(Commission for @WaffleLeech on twitter, all characters belong to him)

Loretta was very busy that day, for a noblewoman like her, these kinds of boring managerial activities were better left, in her opinion, to those beneath her. But there was no denying that with the great wealth she and her family had accumulated over the centuries there was some managing bound to be done.

She sat on a desk of the most finely carved wood, and her pen was dipping with ink crafted from the most exotic of pigments. In front of her there was a pile of papers, all requiring authorizations to allocate funds to different investments, to pull funds from certain sinking ships, or to simply buy artwork and more decorations for the mansions’ numerous rooms. All of these papers required Loretta to read them, and give her yes or no, followed by a stamp and her signature, and it was boring work.

She sighed and took a sip from the cup of fine wine she had her servant bring for her just minutes ago to cope with the tedious work. This wasn’t the fun part of being a noble.

No, that was to party. Every month another damn second cousin was born or a third uncle met his demise in a stupid hunting accident, and that meant to gather the family for a period of serious discussions regarding their future, followed by a lavish banquet to celebrate the newborn or to say farewell to the newly departed, followed by everyone going to their chambers full of wine and steak and with their libidos high.

Oh that was Loretta’s favourite part. Everyone sat their dignities aside for those moments and just hunted for the best boy or girl they could find in that nice banquet to fuck their brains out. Loretta’s favourite were the young boys, around the twenty one and twenty five years of age. Not that she, at twenty nine, was all that much experienced, but she liked waving that experience around and dangle it above their pretty little heads. She always got to bed the prettiest ones.

Ah, how she wished for a pretty boy just now… a few of the servants she kept around might suffice for her needs but she needed something a little less familiar. Maybe she would go on a vacation to a far away land to-

A loud ‘poof’ sound high above her interrupted her thoughts.

A ‘poof’ sound?

That was strange, clearly not a thunder and certainly not the sound of the wind. But nothing important enough to make Loretta move an inch from her desk. She didn’t think that much of it.

Then, however, came the screaming. Loud crowd screaming from outside her mansion.

Loretta paused and looked to her left, where a sole window let the sunlight enter her study. A window which led into the city.

She felt the need to look.

Swallowing her initial apprehension, she set her quill aside, and went to the window. The people were terrified, screaming uncontrollably, running around like rats on a basement that has just been lit by a lamp.

But there was just nothing there to be afraid off. There was no sense to this commotion. That, until Loretta, who had looked in every direction, looked to the last possible place: up.

And there he saw him.

It was a young boy, in fact, just the kind of young boy Loretta was bitting her lower lip thinking of moments prior. Only he was massive. And it had wings.

Wings? Like a fairy?

A fairy was such a ridiculous concept in a world like this, where the wonders of science, gunpowder, steel, and the steam engine pushed all those superstitions aside. Where ships were sailing to all continents looking for lands to explore and markets to expand, this was utterly ridiculous.

Also fairies were supposed to be small.

The whole impossibility of the situation didn’t affect Loretta until it finally settled that a titanic sort of fairy boy was, in fact, fluttering his wings above the proud Free City of Augustburg. Then her breath began to slip out of control and her heartbeat soared.

Where the fuck was the guard? The cannons should be firing this monstrosity out of the air already! The docked dreadnaughts should have unloaded all of their deadly charges on this… colossus!

But no effort to combat him was made.

Why? What was going on?

And the screaming had… ended.

A strange sepulchral silence befell Augustburg. The people, once in panic, were awfully quiet and still, as if everyone had just had a chamomile tea before bed. In fact, Loretta herself was feeling… relaxed.

Now, what Loretta didn’t know was that all fairies carry within themselves ‘Fairy Dust’ and of course Canaan was no exception. Fairy dust has a long list of possible effects depending on the dose and the living organism it is applied to.

To a human, the effect would consist of a little bit of relaxation. Nothing to create hard drugs off. To tinies, however, it’s a different story altogether.

The dust works very differently at that scale producing a series of effects neatly divided in stages. And poor Loretta is going to experience them all one by one.

As of now, as with all of the Free City of Augustburg that as much as took a breath during the last minute, comes an instant sense of relief and relaxation.

Loretta felt her grip on the window loosening. She couldn't find the strength to grip it with force and seconds after she couldn’t even bother with figuring out why exactly was this happening.

Life seemed so easy for some reason.

Then it came the turn for stage two of fairy dust intoxication: attraction.

In their natural habitat, fairies need to sap the energy and mana of other living creatures in order to survive and to sustain themselves, for that reason, exposure to fairy dust provokes a slight attraction to the fairy that sparkled it. Like the sweet aroma that insects think come from flytrap plants.

But on this scale, the attraction the poor tinies felt for the giant fairy was, instead, a mad, insane lust. Once he had safely landed near the city center, he found that a large crowd was gathering, with blank eyes, around him.

And among them was Loretta. She had run past her servants and made her way sprinting across the manor. Then, she squeezed herself amongst the gathering crowd, wishing to be on the first row of spectators for this great guest.

The fairy sat on his butt, with her legs extended to the crowd. Of course, wanting, desiring for them to worship their feet, Loretta thought. And many indeed did, running towards his soles to massage and to rub their whole bodies against them. But Loretta wasn’t such a lowly peasant as to worship even a deity’s feet, Loretta was aiming for bigger goals.

This was going to be her party, and she was going to bed the cutest boy in it.

Even if said boy was a giant fairy.

Loretta broke from the crowd and ran straight for the space between the fairy’s legs.

He seemed almost perplexed by it, but he allowed it, with an amused smile on his face.

Loretta realized as she ran that the enormous dress that she was wearing was an impediment, and tried to take it off. Only to find out that doing it alone was extremely difficult. Of course it was, she needed two servant girls to put this thing on and off! 

But she didn't have time to get her servants, she also wasn’t expecting anyone in this crowd of peasants to help her, so she just ripped it with her bare hands, strengthened perhaps by the insane lust she felt for the giant fairy,

Stripped to her underwear, Loretta got under the giant fairy’s robes, meeting his two gargantuan balls. And just up there, her target, the thing she was looking for. Her way into consortship with this new giant guest.

The fairy’s dick was prodigious, even taking into account the relativity of his overall size, Loretta wasn’t expecting less from her new husband-god. But to get to the husband-god part he needed a bit convincing.

So first she began climbing his balls. With every slight little touch, the giant’s whole body reverberated with pleasure and delight. If she wanted, Loretta could have spent all day worshiping his balls. However, she had bigger goals in the part of her brain that still allowed for semi-independent thought.

She pulled herself up, and up, climbing ever closer to his dick.

“Yes, my lord Canaan… soon, my lord Canaan” she whispered as she climbed, not knowing where she had learnt her name, nor realizing the extent of the fairy’s psychic penetration of her mind.

Finally, Loretta was against Canaan’s great fleshy mast. It was euphoric to stand on top of it before anyone else, it was an honor, but there was still some work to be done.

Her god needed pleasure.

And she was going to be the first woman on this planet to bed a god.

Well, not necessarily “bed” but still.

She went on her all fours, and crawled like a baby until she reached her new god’s most sensitive parts. The dick throbbed and palpitated with each step she took, getting harder, his blood pumping more forcefully into it.

Then, when she was at the tip, she clinged to the giant dick hard, and then rubbed herself against it, in an up and down motion. This only got the hard flesh even harder. The vigorous blood pumping into it ever more strongly.

Every time she moved up or down she felt the giant above moaning with pleasure. She felt his whole body getting into it, his legs trembling just over how good what she was doing felt for him. It was full of ecstasy for her too, as Loretta’s movements made sure she wasn’t let out of the pleasing of her senses.

Sweat began appearing not long after, inundating the ‘room’ that was formed by the covering that Canaan’s robe provided with the delicious aroma of the musk coming from between his balls and legs. All was a feast to Loretta’s sensory world. All a place to bask in the presence of a being much greater than herself, to drown oneself in worship and dedication to your betters.

Is this perhaps what all those people serving her felt? No, this was something much greater, there was the divine element involved. Loretta’s servants worked with dedication and great effort for her but in the end Loretta was only human. What she was doing for Canaan was more than just serving, it was worshiping, it was exalting. Simply put, she was now a priest for him.

A substance began emanating from the tip of his holy dick, soft and wet and milky, only precum, much of it splattered onto Loretta’s semi-naked body. She swallowed a mouthful of the sweet manna but she wanted it all. She wanted to see her god to howl a final great moan that would shatter her universe. So she continued, harder, faster, kissing and licking the exposed sensitive skin of her new master.

And soon enough it came. A world-breaking moan that brought upon itself the almost instant relaxation of Canaan’s at that moment hardened dick and the ejaculation of his whole holy load. All in Loretta’s happy and satisfied face.

“Have I pleased you, oh Lord… was I good, was I a good servant…?” she said, in between taking long breaths. Loretta had to clean her face of Canaan’s cum just to be able to breathe, and her poor little muscles were completely exhausted at that point.

She felt the world inside her God’s clothes fading to black, and herself falling back. She wasn’t conscious by the time she laid stuck on a puddle of cum above Canaan’s pubes.

—

Among the multitudes of people surrounding the giant fairy that appeared out of nowhere was a young lady called Anne.

Anne was of no noble origin. She was born to a middle class family of merchants and traders, the third daughter of a fourth son. She was destined for nothing in her life. Fate had served her a modest plate: to marry to a managerial class administrator, or government official, or military and enjoy the best life her lack of pedigree could offer.

But Anne wasn’t content with the hand fate had dealt her. Against her father’s wishes, she pursued a career in the Naval Academy. Shrewd of mind and with a silver tongue, she convinced the richest families of Augustburg to invest into her startup expeditions to new lands, from which she brought back spices and silk. Soon gold was pouring in Anne’s coffers.

Coffers she kept for herself. She wasn’t sharing anything with a family that lacked the vision to pursue businesses and markets beyond the mediocre ones they were accustomed to, and that lacked the faith in the young upstart daughter with a dream. She cut all ties.

Anne had become one of the most influential and successful entrepreneurs in the City in what seemed like a blink in her life. She now directed a small merchant flotilla all by herself and dealt in all sorts of commodities: from the spices and silks that she had started with, to rare animal furs, minerals, gemstones and fine products from all corners of the world.

And now here she was, in front of her an impossible sight: Canaan. A name that she didn’t know how exactly got into her mind, but that it was one hundred percent belonging to the creature in front of her. The creature covered in worshipers stuck to his skin by his sweat, drawn to every part of his body.

Anne felt that craving too. It ate her up, she didn’t know why but she desired Canaan. She desired to partake in his desires. She wanted to be close to him. She wanted to please him.

No… It wasn’t her wish. Anne was strong of mind enough to notice it. It was Canaan’s wish. It was invading her, infecting her. In the same way the pneumonia virus multiplies in one’s lungs destroying the organ’s tissue in the process, Canaan’s desires jumped from neuron to neuron inside of Anne’s brain. Overriding her free will.

Anne had just noticed it. The dissonance between her emotions and her behaviors. Why was she even here? Why had she come to see the giant fairy boy?

Anne’s mind raced to find a way back to the last minutes of her life. She was doing her regular business at the docks. Then the flash of green light in the sky, and then that strange giant boy and the dust coming from his wings…

She then felt a strange relaxation. All of her life seemed like a beautiful flowing river, ever changing. She noticed how she was seemingly floating in that river. Her body had disconnected from the ground. It was moving on its own towards the source of some new alien desires brewing up within her.

That was the key word here. Alien.

The things she wanted to do… oh, the THINGS she wanted to do now.

She wanted to mount Canaan’s giant dick like it were a horse and please him. She wanted to bathe in his sweat and saliva and cum. She wanted to get close and scream his name from the top of her lungs in an act of worship. She was going to be a willing sacrifice, to be scooped up from the ground and inserted in whatever orifice Canaan decided until her legs stopped kicking. He was her new god, and she loved it.

But no, this wasn’t her. Anne knew it wasn’t her. It was this strange mental infection that was corrupting her brain with a want for debauchery and servitude in the name of an invader. It was not late. Anne retained a bit of herself, against all odds. Years and years of careful planning her business ventures had granted her a strong mental fortitude and a tight grip on material reality.

She wanted to vomit. It was taking the whole of her psyche to resist the need, the craving to run up and… to rub herself against his body like if she were a dog, a monkey or any lower mammal, a mere animal.

Anne hadn’t noticed but she was almost instinctively averting her eyes from the scene in front of her. The more survivalist parts of her most primitive mind screamed to her not to look, while the emotional side of the brain, almost completely overriding its rational counterpart, softly whispered to take a little peek.

The thought terrified her. Anne was paralyzed there among the crowd. But even with her eyes closed and directed at the floor, there was sound. There were sweet, sometimes soft, sometimes passionate moans from a wide chorus of people in front of her. Sometimes interjected by the most terrifying sound of all: Canaan himself.

The fairy moaned and sighed in a very fine and delicate way, it was hard for Anne to admit, but it was the most beautiful sound she ever heard. They felt like melodies from the world's finest orchestras, playing the tunes of the most genius among composers. It was disgusting. These feelings were wrong, she knew she shouldn’t be feeling this… this… filth…

But then the god boy moaned in the utmost pleasure. Anne knew that kind of sound. It was a the same howls the young men in the pleasure houses she liked to visit made when reaching climax…

The boys always looked so adorable… with their eyes looking upwards to the heavens and their mouth locked open, sweaty… there was no sweeter smell for Anne than that which appeared when those among the most delicate of man whores climaxed.

Her neurons did what neurons do best: race for pattern recognition. As soon as she heard the moan, her mind was inundated by memories of the young men at the pleasure houses…

That blonde one, the one with the green eyes who had to bite the towel so as to not scream so loudly that he would break his vocal cords…

Would Canaan look as beautiful as he did?

Her eyes opened almost automatically at that thought. And all the world stopped.

She was looking at the ground, there was sound around her but she couldn’t make heads or tails about what any of it meant. Her eyes moved on their own, and soon her head did too. The only sound she could really comprehend was her own mouth breathing.

There he was. In a scene that looked to Anne like an artistic depiction of the scenes of the myths of the lustful gods of old. Canaan was laying on his back on the floor, His body was covered in naked people, less than people now really, worshippers.

They looked ridiculously tiny in comparison to him. Pathetic even. They thrust widely at flesh where no opening could be found, they bathed in his abundant sweat. Some became stuck in it, down while massaging his soles and up while licking and rubbing themselves against his armpits.

And Canaan himself… was like an angel.

No.., like a god.

His head was still locked in the pleasure of the climax, looking up with his eyes in a blank and his mouth open although no sound came out from it anymore. His wild short brown hair was completely damped in the sweat of his passions. He was the most magnificent creature on this planet.

Anne’s heart was racing. Do not look at him screamed her instincts. And using her breath as a guide, Anne slowly grounded herself out of this ecstasy. The natural feelings were coming up again: this was a disgusting situation and she needed to get up and running away as fast as possible.

Her legs were barely initiating the motion of turning away when she met the eyes of the god.

Canaan was looking down at her. Resting on his arms in a semi sitting position just after his climax.

He was looking down at her with the satisfied smile of someone who had just found the thing they wanted. The perfect gift, a delicious meal, a rare jewel. Anne knew that look well. It was how she herself smiled when picking up her own toys at the pleasure houses. Dominant, confident, and yet amused and cocky.

Anne thought he was the prettiest boy she had ever met.

And then their eyes locked. Anne immersed herself in the two cartwheel sized brown eyes like they were seering crystals. Like they were the most precious pieces of shiny Topaz she had ever seen. And at that moment Anne knew it was over.

To be directly looked at by the fairy made Anne freeze in terror. Canaan was smiling softly as if this was nothing but a cute game for him to play. Still staring at her, he picked up a handful of worshippers from the crowd.

His hand flew past Anne while she was still frozen in place. The sheer force from his arm extending into the crowd made the wind fly in her direction. Not enough to make her fall down on her back but enough to make her lose a little balance and to take a few steps back.

One by one, he began dropping the people trapped in his hand into his open mouth. Just as if they were a little snack.

Some screamed as they fell, either in ecstasy or terror or a mix of both. Canaan swallowed some swiftly and for some he took the time to taste them and shuffle them around his mouth. Anne couldn’t stop looking.

She was horrified, but at the same time completely mesmerized by the giant. She just couldn’t stop looking.

And for some reason, she knew why. Canaan wanted her to look, and the desires of the fairy were her desires too.

When he swallowed the last one, she noticed that she had been drooling. Her mouth was almost completely dry, and she felt that bitter flavor in her mouth. Anne wiped a trail of saliva from her left cheek.

Then she blinked and she was flying in the air.

No, not flying, she thought. Canaan had grabbed her by the waist.

“Do you like me?” she said to no one as she was undressed. Her mind an almost complete blank by now.

Canaan eyed his new toy, she was actually very pretty for a tiny. Anne had a long mane of raven-black hair and beautiful green eyes. She combined these features in her clothing, wearing an ornate and expensive black dress and adorning herself with emeralds encrusted in silver pieces of jewelry.

While he certainly loved her taste, he wondered if she also took the time to invest into also combining her undergarments.

“D-do y-you like me…” she repeated, for some reason slightly nervous. Even the overdose of fairy dust couldn’t overrun her shyness. She had dominated a lot of people before but this was still her first time being submissive and subservient so someone else. She was bound to be at least a little bit nervous.

Canaan didn’t say anything, he did not speak her language. And he was a little too much on a high from all the little ones worshiping him that he didn’t read her expression beyond ‘I am a toy and I want to be played with’

Carefully he placed her on his open palm and picked her dress by the waist, sliding it up her body. revealing she wore a black camisole, black bra and black panties under it. The all black attire amused Canaan a lot.

He rolled her around his hand with his index finger, playfully fidgeting with her, feeling her body, her curves, her little limbs all around his hand.

“P-please…” Said Anne, leaving a trail of saliva from her open mouth in Canaan’s palm “I… I w-want to p-play…”

Not being able to hold it anymore, Anne ran up Canaan’s arm, surprising the fairy quite a lot. He didn’t stop her, he wanted to see where this was going.

Anne slid under his robes, right under his shoulder. His whole body was sticky from all the sweating he was going through and it made it very easy to climb it. Once Canaan understood well where she was going, he lifted his arm and with his other hand helped her by picking her and sticking her right in his armpit.

A few other worshipers were already stuck there completely. Like insects stuck to flypaper. Canaan eyed his armpit for a free spot, and without finding any, he cleared some space for her by dropping some unlucky worshipers down his clothes.

Once that was done, he pressed an excited Anne against his pit.

The smell was totally overwhelming. It was so strong that it became Anne’s complete world for a moment. Deeply in her passion she closed her eyes and buried her face in his pit. Letting the humid flesh embrace her, feeling her face deep inside. 

The pit was shaved clean. but at this scale little hairs were beginning to peak up like growing blades of grass from the ground. She gave it a good sniff, letting the stagnant air from her god’s armpit fill her lungs. It was almost acidic at this point, and the fairy dust did some heavy lifting to make her endure it.

Anne knew, however, that it wasn’t enough. She felt Canaan’s fingertip pushing her head in, and soon she began to kiss and lick, like the worshipers from before, but Anne’s were more passionate and dedicated than Canaan had expected.

Its flavor was salty, and with every lick Anne’s mouth got filled with his sweat and the grime that accumulated in that place. Anne thought that even after all the feasts she had attended, this was the most delicious flavor to ever grace her tongue.

“M-more… please… I w-want more…” said Anne, her face half buried in Canaan’s armpit. He just heard barely audible sounds, muffled by his armpit flesh.

Still, Canaan was able to hear her plea, or at least the cute noises her voice sounded like to him. It would seem that this toy didn’t break easily. Those were the best of toys.

Canaan lifted her from his armpit, her carefully well kept hair was completely ruined, soaked in sweat from both him and herself, and with remnants of the dirt that naturally formed in those places.

Then he turned his whole body, laying on the ground on his belly. The sudden movement had so much force that it shook off a lot of worshipers from his body. They went flying up in the air and crashing on the ground. Thankfully, since he was laying down, no one was crushed or very badly harmed from it.

With his free hand he pulled the neck of his robe and slipped Anne on his back. The poor girl rolled over his whole body, until she reached both of his hill sized ass cheeks. 

It was so tantalizing… poor Anne stared with blank eyes and an open mouth at this great chance her god had given her. She hadn’t seen any other worshipers here. The place was cleared for her. This was her place to be.

She couldn’t walk on the wet surface and with Canaan’s robe pressing her against his back from above. All she could do was barely crawl forwards.

With every inch she grew closer to her goal. The smell became funnier, of course, but her desire made her press on.

She still remembered her time in the pleasure houses, how some of the boys liked to be fingered in the ass. Now she could be a finger herself for her god.

When she got to his butt crack the whole ordeal became harder, Canaan was lazily laying on the ground and made no effort to help her. In fact, he was playfully using his legs to get the place as tight as he possibly could. Soon Anne had to crawl sideways, with both of Canaan’s cheeks smothering her from the front and the back.

But there it was, just a little bit forward. She was already lubricated, covered in a great film of Canaan’s sweat and her own.

She placed one foot first, gently stimulating Cannan’s anus. The fairy reacted by squirming and softly moaning, stretching his back and legs, giving Anne more room to proceed.

Then the next foot came in, the slightest movement made Canaan’s whole body react. She was already waist deep in his ass. She held on her god’s flesh on the sides of the sphincter to pull herself up and down.

Every time she did this motion she felt the pleasure traveling to all of Canaan’s nerves, and she felt her arms growing tired and weary. She felt Canaan grinding prone against the ground. She felt his breathing growing more intense and his body getting hotter.

She herself was in total ecstasy. Submitting herself to his body was her true calling in life. She closed her eyes, basking in the glory of the scene.

She didn’t notice Canaan’s finger coming from above. Pressing her inwards. She didn’t realize the situation she was in until she was neck deep inside his ass. Only then she knew. This was the feeling she got when they locked their eyes. It was her end.

He pushed a little bit more, and with a deafening moan, Anne was deep inside him, never to be seen again.

—

Canaan let out almost all the air inside his lungs in one big exhalation. He turned on his back again and let the back of his head rest on his hands.

He smiled to the sky, he was satisfied.

A part of him wanted to remain here forever. A world of snacks and toys, but he knew eventually the fairy dust was going to wear off and these people wouldn’t be so willing to play with him anymore.

And, of course, the potion would return him to his home… eventually.

Right now, he was happy.

Although he felt a slight itch coming from his groin. Strange…

Oh right! He had forgotten about the girl stuck to his pubes. 

But just as he was reaching inside his robe to get her out of there, he felt that funny feeling again.

And in a flash of green light. Canaan, and everything and everyone on his person at the moment, returned to his home.

[futanariwriter]

CH.9 The Portal to Hell

 https://5kyeeidtal.bandcamp.com/album/eisenlager-idtal-i-2-2020-1123-33-eisen-beton-kopf-remix-by-eisenlager

Ok, so I seem to have stumbled upon a mysterious portal to the nether…am I going to possibly risk being completely vaporized by it and never seen again or escape that sociopathic bat for good and come back when I can get the ship started? The choice really wasn’t that hard. The portal took her to a planet called Terra or earth as some call it. However, in this reality earth had been taken over by zombies in the year 2021 and few survivors remained. This is the story of those survivors…

The Living Dead approached Aranea swiftly but they were no match for her powerful Stone Fist. Come get some bitch she said, taunting them. From the distance, a lone sniper fired. The <Electro-Dragon> did a rolling scream…. “I am gonna fuck up your entire universe and everything in it!” The Sniper missed again. You could hear something fall from the nearby redwood tree in which it was stationed. They were close to the assassin now but zombies blocked her from its deadly projectiles. They were still completely naked with full-body tattoos of her tribe and their sacred star sign of the apprentice. Her large tits and huge constantly erect nipples were exposed only wearing the ship's key, but armor would soon become a priority after this debacle. The sniper looked like a definite reptilian of some species. He was green like Aranea but with Red markings and a much smaller stubbier tail...figures. He pulled out Golden twin Uzis on Aranea, firing them till the 32-round 9mm clips were emptied into them. They dodged flying out of the way with their dragon wings and then used the palms of their hands to shoot the hands off the assailant. They then used their third eye chakra to harness the power of pure energy in the atmosphere to vaporize the remains of the passed-out and hand-less lizard. This is how she got the Twin Uzis which were gold and matched her overly excited purple and gold nipples.

She was all alone now, just drifting through the eerie, wasteland which was clearly haunted and had screeching ghosts flying all around it. It was truly hell on earth. They spent almost a whole year smashing zombie skulls with her stone cestus, trying to heal the soul of this infected planet. Eventually, though they just gave up. During this time they encountered other bipedal animals. There Was Loretta the Red Panda, who introduced Aranea to the others. A group of survivors living in the RedWoods in an old 1981 Vanagon. Around it was all their motorcycle which they held as dear as life itself.

 The day they met they played a fun game called Farkle and vaporized Dragons-Tongue flowers with a special pipe made of "Qoiten Glass". She trained with the group for days doing pull-ups on the redwoods branches. There was also Navi and a young Furry Where-wolf who loved to howl at the moon as do all lycanthropes. The group was called 'The Skull-Crushers' In addition to Navi there was also Kassandra a Bipedal Naga as there called on Rayuba, or in the common tongue cobra. They also regularly had raves in the forest with lights made from glowing rocks found in nearby mines. 

I had to wonder what potential these light-emitting stones emitted."Could they possibly be used to increase the power of my Cestus?" Repair the metal armor back on my ship perhaps? They put of few of them in their pocket for safe keeping. 

After sufficiently meditating on the idea of entering & Breeding each other's bodies the time had come for them to have an erotic Orgy to put it simply. They all sat in a square and began scissoring, moaning, and squirting on each other. After this happened, they all decided it was time to eat each other out in a big square circle, this lasted for about an hour until no one could breathe and they had to take a break. After some gentle cuddling Aranea used their penis to Impregnate Lorreta, Navi, and Cassandra. Simultaniously in one night.