#fuck had to go back and edit some facts i got wrong whoops

[dippers-doodles]

Ok now that I've sat back to think about it more I'm going to ramble.

The inherent tragedy that none of these people (except Hildy) really got to see their kids grow up, and were forever changed almost purely for the sake of others. The dads in S1 are put in peril and have to face the Doodler themselves, but the primary goal is to protect their kids and to fix what their fathers caused. But you look at the cast of ATMOD, and none of the heros are doing this for someone.

There's Meryl, who is doing it for his comeback to the screen and ends up sacrificing himself to give the others a chance to fight back and save the world (he doesn't even see the Doodler, and is instead brutually murdered). You have Hildy, who originally is doing it for the story and her big break but ends up connected to the eldritch being and cursing her family. Robert wants so desperately to propose to his girlfriend and ends up losing his mind devoured by the same thing that kills his parents, but tries to his last breath to destroy the box. And then Stud Stamper, the man with dreams and wants who gave up everything for his family, banishes the Doodler but is insane in the process and ends up trapped with it, later dying in an unknown land.

The end, they didn't do it for fame or anything. By the end everyone knew there was no escape and they were going to die, but they fought anyway. And in doing so destroyed their families. Willy grew up without a dad twice, and already was messed up and no longer had a guiding hand to try and help him. Glenn's mom never even knew her father. Barry is entwined with the Doodler from their actions, which leads to the creation of Oakvale and his pressure on Henry. Frank never knew his father, or maybe Sally married someone else, but carried the last name of someone he never met because of a being that destroyed his entire paternal line.

Then this continues to the OG Dads and their relationships to their fathers, and how they all feel the effects of the Doodler and keep fighting it to save their kids, only to fail and pass it on to their kids. When I first listened to S1, I kept wondering why and how Willy connected to the other dads and why these four were chosen. I shrugged it off how you typically do when facing a DND story - the adventure is set up with these characters because those are who the players wanted to be. But the fact that they took it and made it less arbitrary, that there is a force larger at play bringing these families together, and that that force bringing them together wants to destroy them.

The Doodler entwined these families and has been destroying them and their relationships and their lives _and yet_ the OG Dads, the S1 kids, and now the S2 kids have this hope and effort to fight against generations of eldritch beings that wish to kill them and destroy the world.

The Doodler is all about randomness and chaos, but the families are about hope and the connections despite.

God, At the Mountain of Dadness really changes dndads in all the best ways.

[munsonssub]

Well shit- Joseph Quinn x fem!reader

Prompt: you mistake joe for friend of a friend on a night out. Luckily it leads to a meet-cute

A/n: okay this is the first fic I have written in 7 years! Plus it’s my first ever reader insert so I apologize if it sucks but THERES LIKE NO JOE FICS SO I HAD TO WRITE MY OWN. Also I wrote this on my phone so idk how to edit italics to post if someone could help me. I also don’t know how to add a read more on mobile either so that’s fun. Help me pls

My husband proof read it so if there’s mistakes blame him.

Warnings: smoking, drinking, idk if there’s anything else.

Word count: 1,975. (Whoops)

A normal Saturday night. That’s what your friends promised you when they showed up at your flat three hours ago with two bottles of wine and a glint in their eyes. You should’ve known, should’ve picked up on the fact they showed up ready to go out. Maybe it was blind optimism, thinking they wouldn’t force you out of your cocoon of misery.

Listen, you know they want what’s best for you, with things at work piling up and your stupid now ex boyfriend always texting you, you know you need this. One night off, one night of freedom, one night to say fuck you and just party. But fuck man you just wanted to be back on your couch, watching shitty reality tv, probably snacking on too many sweets to be healthy. Instead you are sitting at a new bar that your friend swore up and down would be chill vibes.

Liar.

People were everywhere. You had lost half of the group when you got here, Already a bottle and a half of wine in.

So here you are, waiting to grab a couple shots while your friend Chloe stands beside you flirting with anyone who will give her a moment because the best drinks are free drinks. Which she isn’t wrong, but you’d just gotten out of a four year relationship, flirting is a foreign language now and you weren’t about to embarrass yourself like that.

When the bartender finally came over to you, you quickly ordered four shots, if you were here to have fun you were having fun, quickly sliding your cash to the bartender you nudged Chloe so she’d take her two shots while you took yours. Honestly you wouldn’t hate this so much if it was just you and her and the friends she showed up at your house with, but as you were getting in your cab to come to the bar she informed you that they were meeting up with other people there. It was quick when you met up barely getting glances of some of the people, as you struggled to light a cigarette. It was fine though as long as Chloe was with you, you knew you could make it through the night.

Finally letting the burning of the alcohol subside you grab Chloe’s hand to go to the dance floor, the next hour passes in a flash of bodies and drinks. Stumbling, very gracefully, you yelled to your other friend, Shelly, that you were going outside, needing a smoke and a break from the music. Pushing through the bodies you made your way to the door, mumbling apologies as you went.

Finally you could breathe once you were outside, mind numb and limps tired you started searching for your smoke pack, you know you put it in your pocket after the one you had when you arrived. Quietly mumbling to yourself you finally gripped it your back pocket. Pulling it out you let out a breath of relaxation only to groan when you flipped the top and realized it was empty.

“Mother fucker, I knew I was forgetting something. Stupid wine.” You sighed leaning against the wall.

Then you saw him. Standing a couple metres away, smoking a cigarette, you recognized the outfit, white button up with loose light wash jeans. You swear he was with your group, or at least a part of the half you met up with. So with the energy you could muster you pushed yourself off the wall, wrapping your arms around yourself and silently hyping yourself up.

Not fully paying attention to what he was taking about you wandered over. you patted his shoulder like a friend who hasn’t seen him in a while would. Smiling as he cut his sentence short, turning to look at you, smoke half way up to his mouth, big brown eyes staring at you as you smiled back.

“Hello good sir,” You mock bow, slightly stumbling towards the wall.

Fuck I swear I’m smoother than this. You thought to yourself.

You look back up at him and smile again as he subtly checks you out, probably wondering why a random drunk girl had wandered up to him.

“So funny thing. Chloe and Shelly made me come out tonight because work is fucked and max non stop texting me is fucked so they decided that I needed to come out and have a good time but my smart self forgot to get smokes before,” you flash him the empty pack with a pout. “And I was wondering because you know them apparently if I could steal a smoke off you.” You ramble, barely noticing his empty hand coming to steady you at your waist as you looked back up at him.

He had a smirk and for a second you wondered if he was apart of the group because you swear you would’ve remembered him, with his beautiful eyes, curly hair, and slight facial hair. Must’ve been one of the guys at the back.

“Uh yeah yeah, sure love, here yah go.” He handed you the lit half smoked cigarette for you to take a drag off of.

Jumping with excitement to finally have a sweet hit of nicotine you grabbed it from his fingers, your warm skin slightly rubbing against his cold fingers. You mock bowed again then took a long drag before blowing it up between the three of you.

“Fuck I’m so rude, I’m Y/N, Chloe didn’t introduce us. Not surprised that girl knows everyone.” You slurred, sticking your hand out for him and his friend to shake.

A moment of realization hit him and his friend, looking at each other as you took another drag before offering it back to him.

You thought they were someone else.

“Nice to meet you love, I’m Jamie and this is Joseph,” his friend gestured to himself then to the man at your side.

Joseph.

You quickly looked over his friend as Joseph grabbed the smoke from your hands. Longish blonde hair, sharp features, beautiful blue eyes. Damn you gotta give Chloe more credit, she sure knows how to get pretty people to be her friends.

“How’s your night been going?” Joseph asks you, turning more towards you as you lean on the wall, his hand slowly leaving your waist. Quickly grabbing his cigarette pack and offering you a full one as you fish for your lighter in your other pocket. Thanking him you took it and quickly lit it up, taking a full pull before exhaling.

“You’re a fucking lifesaver,” you flick the smoke. “It’s going, my feet hurt, and I have done enough shots to probably kill a small horse, but hey, at least I still remember my name. But you Joseph I’m curious about, how’s your night?”

“Could say the same, though I’m nowhere near as drunk as I want to be, this sap here,” he pointed to Jamie, you followed his hand looking at the sole ring on his finger before looking at Jamie. “Wanted to call his girlfriend to check in on her.”

“Oh that’s so cute, fuck I wish my boyfriend did that. All he did was cheat on me during night outs,” You rambled, not noticing how the two men slightly winced at the harshness of your voice, taking a puff and continuing. “Anyways, that’s why I’m out tonight because fuck that guy, you guys wanna do a shot with me?” You spoke quickly before losing your confidence.

“I would, but speaking of my girlfriend she’s almost here to get me but you can steal this man for the night I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.” Jamie winks at you. You giggle slightly, turning more towards Joseph and putting your hand on his chest.

“What do ya say josi? Wanna do a shot? Join me on my level?” You flirt, well you hope you’re flirting, if Chloe knows these guys you know they are used to good flirting.

Joseph laughs to himself, rubbing his thumb on his lip before dropping his cigarette and squishing it out.

“Finish that up and I’m all yours.” He winked at you while pointing at your now half a cigarette.

“Hell yeah, hope you are ready to party.” You drunkenly finish the smoke as Joseph says goodbye to Jamie.

Waving at Jamie as he walks down the street to meet his girlfriend, Joseph pushes himself off the wall to stand in front of you. You giggle slightly before dropping your cigarette and stamping out as he did before. Wiggling your eyebrows you stand to your full height, still a few inches shorter than him.

“You ready for the night of your life?”

“Do you worst darling.” He sticks his hand out for you to start leading him inside.

Another hour passes, filled with Joseph catching up with shots as you tried to keep your buzz at the same level. You had filled the time with talking and getting to know him, he told you about his week that was full of work, never really telling you what he did for work though. You told him about you too, about your job that honestly at this you point you just wanted to quit just so you didn’t have to see your bosses face anymore. Giggling and smiling at each other as you slowly inched closer around the table you were sitting at as you talked. Honestly you were a little peeved Chloe kept this man hidden for so long with how well you were getting along.

Suddenly you felt a weight on your back and the smell of Chloe’s sweet perfume.

“Y/N! There you are. Shelly said you went for a smoke and then you never came back! I thought you died!” She slurred into your ear, hanging off you.

“I’m good clo, met one of your friends outside.” You gestured to Joseph, who looked a little panicked as he sipped on the water bottle he grabbed for the both of you.

Chloe looked over at him, sizing him up for second before turning to you.

“Y/N babe, I don’t know who this is,” Chloe giggled. “though you do have the same style as our friend Scott.” She directed at him.

Joseph paled as you shook your head stopping for a second.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck OH FUCK

That’s why he looked familiar, Chloe’s friend Scott, Scott who wore almost the exact same outfit. Scott who you had only met once. Your eyes widened before you full on started laughing.

“Oh my god. I am so stupid,” you got up and leaned over Joseph, wrapping your arms around his shoulders as his hand came to sit at where they crossed. Leaning down you kissed the side of his head. “You are such a sweetheart, letting me have a cigarette when you don’t even know me.”

“Oh thank god I thought you were going to be mad, I’m sorry love. Didn’t know how to tell you I didn’t know your friend here when you told me about her dragging you out.” He breathlessly said into your ear and you leaned on him. You looked a Chloe and gave her a quick look of ‘get out of here ma’am’ before leaning back up and patting Joseph’s shoulder.

“Well charmer, we can either pretend this didn’t happen, or we can go back out for a smoke and see where the night takes us.” You say to him as he turns in his chair.

“How about this. We go for a smoke,” he hands you his pack as he stands. “And, I take you out on a date next week to apologize for not telling you I don’t know you.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal josi.”

[flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash]

Irresistible Danger - Part 60

Synopsis:  After being caught outside the compound on your own, Negan decides to punish you in the best way possible ;)

Words: 3,229

Warnings: nsfw, smut, swearing

ID Masterlist can be found HERE

Masterlist of all my fics can be found HERE

Author’s Note: We’re back! Omg y’all...I finally have a path to the ending for this fic! After this chapter, I’m planning for there to be 5 more chapters until the end, which will give ID a total of 65 chapters. I’m still working on writing and editing these last chapters, but I’m pretty confident in that timeline :D I also plan to post each Friday again, so there should be chapters now through September 10th, if all goes according to plan. 

PDA

You woke with a smile the next morning, partially because of the happiness filling your chest like a balloon. The other part was because the warm body behind you, accompanied by a rasp of beard on your shoulder and soft lips on your neck, signalled that you weren’t alone. 

The florid orange rays coming in the large windows told you that it was still early, the sun barely risen above the horizon. Turning over onto your other side to face Negan, you took in his tousled hair and heavy-lidded gaze. 

“Mornin’ doll,” he said, voice raspy with sleep. 

“Morning,” you whispered back, pressing a kiss to his irresistible mouth. “No crack-of-dawn meetings today?”

His lips quirked against yours. “Nope, thank fuck,” he murmured, before rolling atop you and spending a good portion of the morning taking you apart with pleasure, then putting you back together piece by piece with cuddles and toe-curling kisses. 

When he later glanced over at the clock and saw that it was almost 10am, he gave a groan and flopped onto his back with a forearm covering his eyes. “Much as I’d love to stay here all day, I gotta go with a couple Saviors to check out one of the nearby outposts. They reported some concerns about their fucking security measures, and also requested a few more men be stationed out there to help divvy up their shifts, so I wanna go see if there’s any fucking issues for myself.”

While you felt a tiny thrill that he was so willing to tell you this information, to let you know about his duties as leader, you also had a moment of worry about him possibly assigning more men out to work the outpost. “Is that the one you brought Simon in from a couple weeks ago?” 

Knowing exactly where your thoughts were headed, he said, “Don’t get your fucking panties in a bunch, doll. If the outpost needs more hands, I was planning to send a couple of my newer Saviors.”

Pleased at this response, you smiled and leaned in close so your mouth was hovering mere millimeters from his, before whispering, “I’m not wearing any panties to get in a bunch.” 

Before he could react, you rolled out of the bed and strode to the bathroom, putting a little extra swing to your hips. The growl and unmistakable rustling sound of sheets being thrown off was your only warning before Negan scooped you up into his arms and marched into the bathroom. 

An hour later and you were both sufficiently clean (after first getting extra dirty against the shower wall), and you saw Negan off from his rooms with a kiss and warning to be careful. He gave an arrogant smirk at that, which got him an eye roll and playful shake of your head as a response. 

You watched as he strode down the hall towards the staircase, shoulders encased in leather and his whistle echoing off the walls. While they’d never dare ask him about it, you couldn’t help but give a little smile at the thought of his men wondering why the hell their usually punctual leader was almost ten minutes late to leave for the outpost...and why he seemed so happy about it.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

Unable to contain your excitement over the events of the night before, you headed over to Ben’s room not long after Negan left. Thankfully he was there, having just returned from finishing up serving breakfast. His roommate was out this time, so you were able to huddle across from one another on his bottom bunk and catch him up on your conversation with Negan.

Ben listened intently, mouth slowly falling further and further open as you went on. When you got to the part about Negan admitting he wanted only you, and called you his partner, Ben let out a whoop of joy and threw his arms around you in a hug. 

“I knew it!” he exclaimed. “That big lug is head over heels for you.” 

The two of you chatted happily for a bit, before you left and wandered back down to your own room. It had felt like forever since you had a chunk of time to just relax in your bed without over analyzing or stressing over something Negan-related. Gone was the weight of that padlocked box of questions, which made both your brain and subconscious very happy. The three of you snuggled up on the bed and spent the next couple of hours finishing your re-read of Harry Potter before it was time to head down to the kitchen for dinner prep. 

Today’s menu consisted of lasagna using leftover deer meat thawed from the freezer, with the signature side of rolls. Trixie had unofficially promoted herself as being in charge of roll duty, making sure the dough was the right consistency and the ovens at the perfect baking temperature. She wasn’t rude about it, but the little bit of authority she showed when instructing another staff member how to properly knead the dough seemed to fulfill her need to be seen as a knowledgeable and important part of the staff. And in all honesty, none of her feedback to the others was incorrect, so rather than reprimand her or say she was out of line, you had caught her eye at one point and given an almost imperceptible nod of approval. This caused her smile to beam so bright that it was a wonder you didn’t need sunglasses. 

As it turned out, you weren’t the only one who had noticed Trixie’s presence and been keeping a stealthy eye on her. Andrew, a member of the food prep crew, had been not-so-subtly following Trixie with his gaze lately, and today was no exception. He was an attractive man in his early 20s with shoulder-length black hair and kind brown eyes, a much more appropriate candidate for Trixie than her previous choice.

It seemed safe to say that Trixie was aware of the attention as well, as she found every reason possible to flounce past where Andrew was busy loading trays of lasagna into an oven. At one point, she even stopped to chat briefly with him, and out of the corner of your eye you saw her toss back her head and laugh at something he said. If it seemed a bit overly dramatic to you, well, Andrew didn’t seem to mind. In fact, her reaction caused him to fumble with the tray of pasta he was holding, almost spilling the entire thing onto the ground. He thankfully saved it at the last second, otherwise you would’ve had to interrupt and lecture the two of them about focusing on their work and not chit-chatting. And you didn’t want to do that, not when Trixie finally seemed interested in a guy more her age who was actually available and seemed to genuinely like her. 

Despite your initial tension with Trixie, you now realized that she had just been struggling to find where she fit in, to feel like an important part of the community. She’d initially been scooped up and led astray by Amber, but thankfully she had found her way back on the correct path and was making progress at getting along with the others, rather than isolating herself and using condescension as an emotional wall. Someone like Andrew, who was kind-hearted and considerate, not to mention absolutely captivated by her, was exactly what she needed. 

Focusing your attention away from young romance and back to meal prep, you spent the next forty-five minutes making sure everything was baked to perfection before sending out the first trays of lasagna and rolls. However, your mind kept randomly returning to Negan, almost unable to contain a secret smile each time you remembered where the two of you now stood. The usual worry and second-guessing had been replaced by the stability of knowing how he felt, and each time you remembered his words from last night a flutter of butterflies went off in your stomach. 

Negan had told you this morning that the outpost he and a small team of men were going to was less than an hour’s drive from the Sanctuary, so he planned to be back around dinnertime. Sure enough, about 20 minutes into when the first round of food was being served, you saw a small group of Saviors enter the cafeteria and settle down at a table. You guessed that they were the ones who had been out on the mini mission, and breathed a sigh of relief at seeing them back safely and with jovial expressions on their faces. You could always tell when things went wrong on a run, due to the overall aura of the men who returned, but this time they were smiling and talking animatedly with one another. Hopefully this also meant that Negan was in a happy, and perhaps affectionate, mood when you went to visit him later...

It was as if your thoughts had conjured the man himself. You were out in the cafeteria with a large water pitcher, making rounds to refill empty glasses for people, when a hush in conversation made you still and look up.

And there he was, standing at the entrance to the cafeteria with his signature leather jacket unzipped just enough so that the edge of a white tee peeked out over the top. He scanned over the tables like a king surveying his domain, looking both intimidating and absolutely delicious with the arrogant way he held himself, as if he had no cares in the world but was also ready to take on anything.

When his eyes landed on you, those sinful lips quirked upwards at the edges, and you swore that even from the distance of half a cafeteria you could see his golden gaze light up at the sight of you. He moved, striding with determination and purpose to close the space between your bodies. The breath caught in your chest at his beauty, at the raw masculinity and almost animal magnetism that surrounded him. 

He stopped mere inches away, and you gazed up at him in both welcome and a bit of confusion. Trying to act calm and unaffected, and not show how much you wanted to grin and launch yourself at him, you said, “Welcome back.” 

Your eyebrow cocked in question when he shook his head with a low chuckle. “Oh no, doll, that won’t do at all.” And with that, he wrapped an arm around your waist and lowered his head...

And kissed you in front of the entire Sanctuary. 

A wave of shock jolted through you, at the same time as your body automatically responded, molding itself to his. Your brain was flatlined on the floor from the unexpected move, while your subconscious ran around it in circles screaming with excitement. 

You could practically feel all the astonished stares from community members, as they watched their all-powerful leader break one of his cardinal rules and kiss you to within an inch of your life. And dear god, what a kiss it was! His lips were firm yet gentle, his tongue just barely tracing your bottom lip, as if he couldn’t help but steal a little taste. He wasn’t holding back, and the primal part of you recognized that he was publicly staking his claim for all to see. There could be no question after this moment that you were his, and that he wanted everyone to know it. 

When he finally pulled back, you could only look up at him with what must’ve been an utterly dazed expression, if his pleased smirk was anything to go by. Glancing to his left and then right, his brow furrowed and expression turned serious as he bellowed, “What the fuck are you all looking at?”

His words had the desired effect, as eyes dropped back to their plates and the community stuttered back to action, obviously trying and failing to act like something monumental didn’t just happen. You’d have given a lot of points to know what they were all thinking, but you didn’t see any angry expressionsand no one had said anything or acted out of line, so hopefully that was a good sign. 

Negan’s warm hand rubbed comfortingly up your bare arm, and it was then that you noticed he didn’t have his gloves on. That also sparked the realization that he wasn’t carrying Lucille, which was strange since he always had her on his person when making an appearance in front of the community. 

Now that you’re thinking about it, did he even have her this morning, when he left?

You thought back to when you had kissed him goodbye and watched as he walked down the hallway. Surely he’d have taken her with him to the outpost...but you honestly couldn’t remember seeing her up over his shoulder. You had to just be forgetting, because there was no way he’d leave her behind. 

That train of thought was brought to a halt when the hand on your arm trailed down along your waist and settled possessively on your hip. “I wanted to put in a request for one of your staff members to bring two servings of dinner to my room, for Simon and yours truly.” 

Before you could ask if he needed time alone once you were done with dinner, he provided the answer. “We need to go over the fucking outpost inspection results, but I’ll come and find you once it’s done.” It was the second time he’d done that today, answering a question before you had the chance to voice it out loud, which was a sign of how well he was coming to predict your thought process. 

You were still a bit in shock at all of this, especially how he was discussing his evening plan with you so publicly and audibly, as if to show that you were more than just his in a physical sense. He was broadcasting to the community that you were what he had already told you last night: his partner. His voice had been low enough that only the nearby tables would’ve heard, but you knew every moment of this interaction would be spread across the entire community within minutes after he left. 

Giving a smile and trying to look like ‘yep, this is completely normal, no big deal, I am totally not internally screaming with joy and wanting to climb his fine ass like a tree’, you replied, “Of course. I’ll have it sent up immediately.”

“Thanks, doll,” he said with a final smirk. Then his face morphed back into the intense, badass expression of the Sanctuary’s leader, and he strode out of the cafeteria. 

You were left standing there, still a bit shell-shocked by what had just occurred, but also giddy as hell over it. That emotional high was only slightly dimmed by the awareness that now, with Negan gone, you were the sole center of everyone’s attention. A quick scan of the cafeteria showed that most community members were trying not to openly stare. However, the lack of chewing and frequent side glances thrown your way as your legs finally unfroze and started back towards the kitchen were proof that they had all seen Negan’s display of affection. 

While the rest of the community might’ve at least been making a feeble attempt not to obviously stare, the same couldn’t be said of the kitchen staff. At least a couple of them must’ve witnessed what happened when serving trays of food, and those members must’ve scurried back to the kitchen to report it to the others. Every single one of them was staring in wide-eyed silence with a mixture of shock and fascinated curiosity when you walked back through the swinging doors. 

Even though your face felt heated and you were a bit off-kilter, you still managed to sound slightly firm when announcing, “Alright folks, back to work. And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

You breathed a sigh of relief when they didn’t argue, but a couple of them did give knowing grins, Trixie included, though at least they all seemed good-natured about it. Trying to act as though your world hadn’t just been spun off its axis with that public kiss, you went over to Ben, who was the only one that had stayed fairly composed the entire time. In fact, his eyes danced with mirth and he was obviously trying to hold back a smirk, so you felt only minimally evil when telling him of Negan’s request that two servings of dinner be taken up to his rooms for him and Simon. Ben gave a playful glare when you told him to take up the food himself, saying it loud enough that some others heard, making him unable to say no without looking a bit suspect. 

When the tray was ready to go a few minutes later, you quietly murmured to Ben as he passed by on his way out of the kitchen, “Say hi to Simon for me.” The words caused a hint of pink to flare in his cheeks as he gave a halfhearted glare. You almost felt guilty for teasing him, but knew Ben would more than forgive you when Negan came through on his promise to get Simon his own room.  

Though the kitchen staff still threw glances your way here and there, they quickly fell back into their usual routine and no one made any direct comments. You were safe from scrutiny...at least for now. At least no one seemed to have any extreme concerns about what had happened, making you wonder how many of them had suspected what was going on between you and Negan before now.

Once dinner and cleanup were over, you headed back up to your room. Negan had said he would come find you when he was ready, so you planned to just lay back and relax until then. 

Oh, who were you kidding. After that kiss, you were totally going to sit on your bed and think about all the dirty things you wanted to do to him the moment the two of you were alone. 

Trying to convince yourself that you could be at least semi-productive and pretend to have a hobby other than fantasizing about the leader of the Sanctuary, you pulled the copy of Harry Potter off your bedside table. You were just opening to the first page, planning to restart it again from the beginning, when a firm knock sounded at your door. 

Pulse jumping with excitement, you rose from the bed and didn’t even hesitate to cross the room and reach for the doorknob. It never occurred to you that it might be anyone other than Negan, let alone for it to be the last person you’d have ever expected to see at your door. But things had been going so well today that it was almost as if fate was bored with your happiness and wanted to add some drama to the mix. 

Totally ignoring the warning prickle that ran up your spine, you opened the door with a welcome smile. It quickly died on your lips at the sight of who was standing on the other side, hands on hips and eyes throwing daggers your way. 

It was Amber...and she looked pissed.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~  ~

[lihikainanea]

This is a long angsty thought I had so I apologize: Bill and Tiger on vacation with friends and this is the first one with a few new editions to the group. Tiger gets along with all of them, but one night the girl reveals she wants to get with Bill. While Tiger gets a flare of jealousy, the calming waves and shining moon makes her feel a little more vulnerable than normal. She plays it cool, but she can’t help noticing how this girl is nice, she’s a solid friend from what Tiger can tell. She bottles up her emotions from the conversation, going straight to bed without texting or visiting Bill’s room. He’s slightly worried, of course, but just figured she got wasted. She had given him a key to her room so he walked in late to get some lovin, but she’s asleep. He sees the tears on her face, still wet and he knows somethings wrong. She wakes up from his stare and she loses it. He tries being stern with her, but he knew it was really bad when that didn’t work. She sadly tells him and he doesn’t say it’s dumb or that she’s overthinking. He just kisses her, plain stupid, grabbing her face and pulling her onto him. “Every time I look at you, kid. Every single time I look for you specifically and that won’t change.” He says, the warmth in her chest makes her head spin, and she smiles which he returns. “Plus, she spent the night with another guy hear yesterday, she was probably just a little vacation lovesick, just like another girl I know” He says, pinching her bottom. (Okay I’m done, but when she feels up to it he definitely fucks her so good she’s speechless and has to keep repeating that she’s his.)

Ohhhh sweet nani, the thoughts you have given me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I love it when tiger just kind of gets all up in her head about this thing she has going with Bill, because goddamn if that ain't relatable eh? My friends and I talk about this a lot, about the differences in the way men and women approach dating or hell, even hitting on someone. And we have come to one main conclusion: men will almost always approach and hit on someone WAY the fuck out of their league, and women seldom will.

I don't know about ya'll, but when I see an insanely attractive guy I just like...shut down. I stare at my feet. I mumble. I blush. I want the ground to open up and swallow me whole--and the last thing on my mind is "yo, I'mma hit on this tall drink of water." Like, I would literally rather pull my own teeth out than hit on a guy that is so ridiculously attractive and so COMPLETELY OUT OF MY LEAGUE.

But dudes? Dudes will see a solid 10 walking down the street and think "Thank god I'm a fucking 14 because that bish is mine." It's actually incredible. Like, it's a scientific phenomenon.

For all the confidence that us women lack, the wrong men seem to have absorbed it all by fucking osmosis.

Fascinating.

ANYWAY. I'll bet tiger feels like that a lot. Bill is just...he's so much, you know? On the surface level there's his insane good looks, his height, the fact that he's a rich motherfucker, and he's famous. All of that weighs on tiger's mind, yes, but then she's even worse off because she knows what's underneath too. A kind, gentle mammoth of a man, the most empathic person she has ever met, someone who is incredibly sensitive and who takes such good care of her, worries over her, tries every day to make her happy. And tiger just...tiger will never understand how she got so lucky.

But then alright, it's time for another friend vacation and this time there are a few new additions. People try not to make a big deal out of it but somehow there always is just a slight check in with Bill--nobody does it outright because god Bill would be mortified and so would everyone else, but there is definitely a few mentions of new people joining the vacation and it gives Bill a chance to back out if he's not comfortable with the idea.

And maybe tiger really does genuinely hit it off with one of the girls. She's a real firecracker, and the exact type of person that tiger respects. She's funny, she's pretty as all hell, she's not afraid to make a bit of a fool of herself to make everyone laugh. This girl eats like a trucker and swears like a sailor, and tiger thinks she's good people. So much so that one night maybe the boys go off and do their own thing, macho bonding or some shit, and tiger and this girl grab some drinks and have some good girl bonding time.

But then it happens. A few drinks in, it happens. And this girl absolutely isn't trying any in vino veritas bullshit, this is really just the first opportunity she's had to drill a little deeper.

"So what's his deal?" she asks. Tiger blinks, sips her drink.

"Who's deal?" she replies. But tiger knows exactly who.

"Bill," she says, "Is he single?"

"Oh, uh," tiger knocks back another big sip of her drink, "...Yeah. Yeah he's single."

Because what is she supposed to say? No, he's taken? Then that would lead to questions about why he's on this vacation alone.

The girl gets a devious smirk, steeples her fingers together--and tiger just wants to hit something, because goddamn this girl is cute. Adorable, even. And when she gives a little whoop and a dorky fistpump, tiger feels her stomach drop to the floor--not because she's after Bill, no no, even worse--because she's actually just so perfect for him.

"Diiiiiiibs," the girl says, "Man I've been eyeing that tall drink of water all trip."

"Ha, yeah," tiger stammers awkwardly and downs the rest of her drink, "He's a handsome one."

"Are you cool with it?" the girl asks, and actually places a concerned hand on tiger's knee, "I don't want to...come between anything. If there is anything." Dis bitch is cute as a button and kind. Fuck.

Tiger gives a casual shrug.

"Why wouldn't I be cool with it?" she says, "I....don't have any claim to him."

"Would it be weird for you?"

"Go for it," she mumbles.

And tiger wants to tell this girl to back off, that Bill is claimed, and that Bill is being claimed every goddamn night of this vacation to the point where his back jammed on him again and tiger had to ice it down this morning. But she can't say any of that--and in true tiger fashion, she just gets a little sad about it. Anger and ferocious defensiveness for Bill would be her first reaction if this girl was a real fucking idiot, but god she's just....she's so nice.

"Okay, okay okay okay," the girl smoothes her hair down, starts to look real serious, "Help a bitch out. What should I do?"

And poor tiger, tiger has to sit there the whole night while this girl actually schemes to get her claws into Bill. And tiger is almost forced to help.

She retreats back to her own room that night, nauseated, sad, and with raw emotions bubbling to the surface. And bless your heart sweet nani, bless your heart for knowing mine so well--because the shining moon absolutely gets to her, the call of the crashing waves. Tiger sits out on her balcony for a bit but she just cries. Just lets it all overwhelm her, lets herself feel every emotion she tried to reel in that night as she helped give a girl tips on how to get Bill. And when she's too exhausted, when it's all just too much--she goes to bed. She misses the text messages from Bill--doesn't even look at her phone, actually. Just curls up in Sad Girl form, all balled in on herself, and falls asleep.

And Bill thinks it's pretty strange that she's not responding, and it's even more strange that she didn't let herself into his room which they had agreed would be their place of rendezvous that night. So instead, he does a quick check of the hallways and then Pink Panther's his lanky ass against the wall before deftly swiping his key card in her door and opening it.

And that's exactly how he finds her, cheeks still wet, her own thumb in her mouth, all curled in on herself. Concerned, he traces a gentle finger down her cheek and she stirs.

"Tiger," he crouches down to be eye level with her, "What's wrong?"

She blinks sleepily, bristles a little, and swipes at her cheeks.

"Nothing," she croaks. Her throat is dry from crying, and she winces.

He doesn't say anything. Just brushes his thumbs across her cheeks, keeping her face in his hands.

"Tiger," he says sternly, "We have rules."

"Yellow," she says immediately, "I don't...I don't want--"

"Okay," he soothes, running his hands up her arms, "We won't. But tiger, can you tell me what's wrong?"

"Bill, it's nothing. Let's just go to sleep."

But like, she's cracking. There are fresh tears rolling down her cheeks now, and Bill knows she needs to let something out.

"It's me kid," he says softly, "You can tell me anything."

And like, tiger cracks. It opens the floodgates. She tells him everything--the entire conversation, every little detail of it. When she works herself up too much at some points, when he starts to hear a wheeze in her breath, he puts a steadying hand on her knee to help ground her. But she lets it all out--every detail, everything this girl said about him, everything tiger told her. She's full on crying again by the end, but Bill just listens. He listens, and he waits.

And you know what I love here, nani? God it's so important. Bill doesn't tell her she's nuts. Doesn't tell her she's foolish for ever thinking he wanted anyone but her. Because that's not what will get through to her. Instead, just like he always does--he loves her and reassures her in the way that she needs, in the way that she can recognize in that moment.

He waits as she pauses, waits to see if she'll continue, but she doesn't.

"Are you done?" he asks quietly. She nods.

"Can I say something now?" he ducks to catch her gaze, and she nods again. He pulls her into his lap.

"Tiger, it's you," he says simply, "It's you kid. Only, and always."

She sniffles, and he kisses her nose.

"Everybody else can try as much as they want. They can give it their best shot. It won't matter," he continues, "It's you, kid."

Ugh, my fucking heart. It gives her the reassurance that she needs. And listen, over the next few days, Bill finds little ways to reinforce that. Maybe this girl does take a shot at him--and he politely, gently shoots her down. Maybe when tiger is feeling ready for it, man he gives it to her so good that she has to stay in bed the next day, because she's walking funny. It's his secret glances, his small winks, his hand on her knee under the table, rising just a liiiiiiiittle high under the safety of the dark night club.

It's everything she needs, in the way that she needs it.

this ask was a gift nani, thank you.

[problematicfavesareproblematic]

I Pity the Grave That Tries to Keep Me From You

Bull Randleman x Reader One-shot

Summary: it’s just fluffy angst about Bull coming back from Market Garden bc I’m a soft squishy sad little tall person who is dealing with some major feels

Warnings: shitty writing (mostly cuz I don’t feel like editing WHOOPSIE), angst, fluff, rushed ending, bleh, idk man it is what it is....

Ya’ll know I listened to Hozier’s Work Song for part of this, I didn’t even try to be subtle about it.

~

~

~

You don’t react when Hoobler tells you about Bull.  

Martin can’t look at you, but you hug him just the same.

I’m sorry he’d blurted after he returned your embrace, voice breaking painfully. I’m so fucking sorry.

But you’d just shook your head from side to side and given him the closest thing to a reassuring smile you could muster.

Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re here.

You weren’t sure how many times you’d said those three sentences since D-Day, but it was the only thing you could think of to say to your broken friends telling you through tearful apologies the names of the soldiers you all had loved and lost. As if it was their fault... as if they’d failed in keeping them safe for you.

Don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m glad you’re here.

Martin had let out one quiet sob against your neck before stepping back and turning and leaving. Everyone let him go. 

You understood- everyone grieved differently. Your grief had to wait a bit longer- you still had things to do.

No one made to stop you when you excused yourself, Webster having the presence of mind to give you a nod when you mumbled something about checking in with Nixon.

You and Bull had always known the risk of one or both of you dying- hell, you’d even discussed the likelihood of one of you dying in front of the other. You’d mentally prepared yourself as much as you could for that inevitability.

Missing, though? Missing wasn’t sitting well with you.

Becoming an intelligence officer hadn’t been a career path you’d stumbled across by mistake- you liked information, found comfort in details and strategy. 

You hated being blindsided, and since you’d been small you’d gone to great lengths to ensure you never entered a situation without being fully aware of any and all potential outcomes that could occur. 

Surprises aren’t always good, my darling. Remember that. 

Your mother’s words had echoed in your head the first time you’d met Bull, when he’d caught you off guard by introducing himself to you in the same manner he had introduced himself to all of the other men in Easy- with solid eye contact, a firm handshake, and a gentle drawl of “Randleman, nice to meet you.” 

The idea that you wouldn’t hear his voice again, in either friendly introduction or intimate devotion, made you feel achingly hollow.

“If you think something as silly as a grave can keep me from coming home to you, you got another thing coming, Little Lady”. 

“That sounds like you’re saying you’re going to haunt me, Den—”

“You should be so lucky….plus, I’d make it fun, so don’t even worry about it.”

You start to walk in earnest towards the officer’s area now, biting the insides of your cheeks in an effort not to cry. 

You had to keep going. 

You’d promised him you would, just as you’d made him promise in kind.

When you finally found Nixon, you instantly frowned at the bruise blossoming on his forehead.

“What happened to you?” you ask, ignoring the man’s glare and walking over to get a closer look. “Looks like you tangoed with Joe Toye’s brass knuckles and lost.”

“Got shot in the helmet.” Nix grumbles at the same time Richard perks up and squints at you while asking “Toye’s got brass knuckles?”.

You wince, both in response to Nix’s injury and your accidental snitching on Joe. “Whoops.”

Lewis’s eyes catch yours and his brow softens. 

You instantly know what he’s about to bring up, and shake your head preemptively.

“Lew,” you begin with a heavy sigh, only to be shushed like a child before he spoke over you.

“They don’t know anything for sure yet.” he insisted, and you knew that he knew you saw through his bullshit. 

He sometimes tried to be less pessimistic when he knew you were already way ahead of him in that department, but the two of you knew each other well enough by now for you to see it for what it was- him trying to make you feel better, coddling you to make you feel better.

Lying to make you feel better.

Information is truth, everything else is probably a lie.

Your mother was a bitter cynic, but you’d also never once known her to have her heart broken.

Maybe she’d been on to something.

“Yeah,” you’d offered, quickly brushing past him to look at the map on the table. “Maybe. Anyway, when exactly did Market Garden start going to shit? Do you think we were undermanned? Were our maps wrong? Did they have unexpected weaponry….?”

Distract the sad voice in your head offered as you threw yourself into work, using the churning pain in your belly to fuel your motivation to reclaim the town. 

No one gets to hurt you and get away with it. No one gets to take Bull from you and remain unpunished.

You decided then and there that you were going to make the SS bleed for what they’d done, and you knew that if Bull were there he’d tell you to rein it in.

Got murder in your eyes, darling. What’s got you so cross?

But Bull wasn’t here. And you? You had to get over it.

It’s what he would want.

~

~

You had barely slept that night, throwing yourself into rereading all of the intelligence reports until Dick finally ordered you out of the CP tent.

At first you’d fought him on it, still too afraid of being let alone with your own thoughts. But he’d been firm, literally snatching the paperwork from your trembling hands and hovering over you until you relented.

“I don’t want to see you until morning, is that understood?”

With more patience than you deserved he’d held your coat up and helped you slip into it, making a point to pull your knit hat down over your ears before turning you in the direction of where all the soldiers were sleeping.

Even though Bull had promised to be the one to haunt you, it was you who felt like the ghost.

But, like the obedient soldier you were, you walked to the spot where you and Bull had set up camp with Perconte and Luz. Neither man happened to be there at that moment, which was a small blessing because when you saw Bull’s unattended duffel bag in the same spot he’d left it that morning you’d been unable to stop the sob that slipped past your lips.

Like a child, you’d curled around his rucksack and held it close, your fingers tracing over the airborne patches that denoted it as his. 

Had it truly been this morning that you’d woken up in his embrace, groaning in sleepy protest when he refused to let you out of his arms?

“Jus’ a bit longer,” he’d mumbled, bringing a leg up and over your hip to pin you beside him. “Let the boys start fightin’ without us, we’ll catch up later…”

You wish that had been possible. You wished it could have been that simple.

 ~

~

Tears had leaked out of your eyes as you squeezed them shut and the next time you opened them it was morning. At some point in the night either George or Frank had tossed a wool blanket over you.

For a few glorious moments, you had thought Bull’s furnace-like chest had been what was keeping you warm. The blanket was a kindness, but an unintentionally cruel one.

After rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you’d gotten yourself ready and packed up to head out.

Bull’s duffle bag seemed to be filled with bricks as you hefted it over your shoulder with your own, and with each stride you took it only became heavier. You knew the protocol- take the deceased’s belongings to CP for redistribution and personal effects collection. 

It felt like defeat, as if you were giving up on him.

Defeat and reality were seeming to become one and the same, these days.

Your throat was so tight by the time you made it to CP you were barely able to explain what you were doing to Lewis, your arm trembling as you held out the pack to him.

The moment Nix had taken it from your hands, tears began to spill from your eyes and for once you did nothing to stop them.

Nixon had been about to say something to you when Perconte rushed in breathlessly with a call of your name, almost forgetting to salute Lewis when he saw him.

“Oh! Sir. Uh, Y/N- there’s, um,  something you should see—”

You glared at him, trying and failing to hide the fact that you’d been crying from your friend.

“I’m in the middle of something, Perco. Can it wait?”

In the distance you could hear the sound of truck engines, and a new anxiety began to blossom in your chest at the idea of leaving Bull behind.

“But, Y/N…” he protested, clearly tongue-tied and overexcited.

“Oh my God, what?!”

“It’s Bull!”

Your blood froze in your veins, sucking in a breath that felt too big for your body.

You could feel your heartbeat behind your eyes as your lungs screamed for more air, but your body was refusing to blink or breathe or move…..

“That’s….no. W-what’re you—?”

The sight of a truck driving toward a group of Easy and Dog soldiers came to a halt, and you swore you say a familiar glimmer of sandy curls standing at least a foot above the group.

 No. There’s no fucking way….

With wide eyes you turn back to Lewis, seeing an equally confused look on his face. 

You barely wait for his nod of dismissal before looking to Frank again.

“C’mon, I’ll—”

You don’t wait for him to finish, sprinting away from them with a single-minded focus on reaching the horribly familiar silhouette of the man you[d begun to mourn.

Bull Bull Bull BULL DENVER BULL!?!?

With no care for decorum or professionalism, you shove people aside and rush through the throng until you violently skid to a halt before Johnny and Hoob.

And Dever fucking Randleman.

A silent sob twists your face, vision doubling as more tears well in your eyes.

It was him. It was him.

When your eyes find his, you force yourself to take a breath.

He’s dirty and scraped and a little bloody but he’s alive and he’s here and—

You throw yourself at him, arms latching around his neck and legs locking around his hips as he catches you easily in his arms.

“Oh my God,” you whisper shakily, shaking like a leaf and clutching at him as if he were the last lifeboat in a storming sea. “Oh my GOD, Den—!”

Bull’s got one arm across your backside and the other is pressing your torso to his as if he means to fuse the two of you together, his heartbeat loud and strong and powerful against your chest as he twists his cold face into your neck and just breathes you in.

You know that Martin is trying to talk to you, that someone else is telling you to take it easy but you can barely hear them through the roaring sound of life returning to your body.

When he sighs your name you swear that you’ve never heard a sound so sweet.

As you turn your head to press a kiss to his temple, you open your eyes and blink your tears away.

Of course, once you clear your eyes, you see the mess of blood staining his shoulder.

“Jesus Christ!” you gasp, untangling yourself from him in an instant and trying to get out of his arms. “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt, you idiot?!”

Bull allows you to unwrap your legs from his waist but refuses to let you go, the arm that had been under your bottom coming up to hold the back of your head lovingly.

A pained yet playful grin breaks across his lips as he eyes you. “Oh, am I?”

You smile stupidly, sniffling at his ridiculous attempt at nonchalance. 

Using his hold on the back of your neck he ducks down and presses a long, meaningful kiss to your lips. You sigh into it, and just as you cup his face in your hands someone clears their throat and you’re reminded that the two of you have an audience.

When you break apart he makes sure to wrap his good arm around your shoulders, and you wince when you catch the looks of surprise being sent your way by the replacements.

Whoops, that was certainly unprofessional….

Bill Guarnere barks a laugh as you shift uncomfortably, slinging his own bag back over his shoulder.

“Shit, if that’s the hello you give to someone who’s been MIA- I’m definitely getting lost more often!”

Martin rolls his eyes, and enough people laugh that some of the tension is broken. 

You turn back to Bull and try to get him to let him show you his shoulder. But Bull has never been an easy man to physically move, especially when moving is something he doesn’t want to do.

This time is no exception.

“Let me see it,” you huff, only to have him smirk and shake his head. “Denver, I could’ve made it worse, I need to make sure—”

“Nah,” he says with a shrug he immediately regrets doing. “How about you kiss it better after Roe gets a look at it, hmm?”

As you open your mouth to reply there is a cry from above that it’s time to get moving, the reminder that there are more pressing matters to attend to shaking you from your anxious worrying.

Because it’s Bull, he hollers for his men to get on the truck as if he had been with them the whole time. 

“I need to go get your stuff, our stuff from CP….”

Bull shakes his head before you’ve finished talking.

“Perco’s got it,” he says with a nod in the man’s direction. “Don’tcha buddy.”

Without waiting for a reply, Bull pulls you along with him towards the trucks, refusing to let you leave his side despite your insistence that Roe needed to take care of him.

Getting into the truck, you help unbutton his shirt so Doc can start cleaning the ragged wound on his shoulder.

Bull brings your knuckles to his lips as the truck begins to move, eyes never leaving your face as he answers Gene’s rapid-fire questions about what had happened in the time Bull had been separated from the group.

“...you lost some blood, how’d you manage not to pass out?”

With a wink in your direction Bull chuckles.

“Considered it, Doc. But then I remembered my missus here was waitn’ and thought better of it.”

You shake your head admonishingly at his explanation.

“You’re really something else, you know that Bull?”

In a move that surprised both you and the Doc, Bull used his grip on your hand to pull you so you were straddling his lap.

“Course I do, Little Lady. I’m yours.”

Well, goddamn.

“Damn right, now shut up and stop flirting.”

The smile he gave you only widened at the command.

“We’ll see, darlin’. We’ll see.”

~ ~ ~ (is it trash? Yes. But is it garbage? Also yes. Love you all and thanks for reading the feels)

taglist: @mrseasycompany​ @itswormtrain​ @mrsalwayswrite​ @happyveday​ @sunsetmando​

[ofmythsandmadness]

movie night (request).

REQUEST;  May I request a fic with Diego, mutual pining and yearning and all that good shit. Just kinda an all around fluffy fic, and it ends with them confessing to each other or something like that? Love you!💕 -- anon PAIRING; Diego Hargreeves x gender neutral reader. (2nd pov) WARNING; not much. a couple curse words, some bad writing (forgive me, it’s late).

NOTES - This is short (for me) but sweet & really all dialogue. But it’s okay!  I finally got a request done in only a few days, which is nice for once. I know I’ve got two other things to put out, they’ll come later (aka updates for inaf and that trilogy i had). but anyways, hope you like and thank you for requesting anon! Also, not edited and a bit bleh at the end (whoops). xx

“KLAUS, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN RIGHT NOW!”

“NO!”

“This is MY apartment!”

“And this is MY body, so--!”

You roll your eyes and slump back down to the couch. Your eyes leave his indignant glare and fall back to the two movies on your lap. “For the last fuckin’ time, you can’t just declare that as your argument! It’s my TV, and I don’t wanna watch Zoolander!”

“Well, I don’t want to watch that!”

“That?” Your hands scrabble at the DVD case before lifting it to his face. “That is an American treasure, dumbass! This is like, the greatest comedy ever made!”

“I didn’t laugh once!”

“You haven��t seen it!”

“SO?!”

“GUYS!”

Before you could retort or Klaus could cut you off (again), a third voice joined the fight. Diego.

Without even thinking about it, you smiled at him, forgetting for just one second about your fight.

Just for a second.

“Diego, thank goodness you’re back, I can’t handle this alone!”

“I could hear you two screaming from down the hall,” he huffed, heading in with a bowl and a frown. “Klaus, you’re gonna get Y/N another noise complaint.”

Klaus pouted. “She started it!”

“How the hell is asking what movie you wanna watch starting a fight?”

He just stuck his tongue out at you.

“You guys always fight over this,” Diego sighed. He sank into the couch and in response, you shuffled back, giving him just enough room to get comfortable before sinking back. “I’m starting to think movie night was a bad idea.”

“No!”

“No-o,” you groaned. Without thinking, your forehead fell to his shoulder, emphasising a facepalm without having to lift your own hands (which were still clinging tightly to your DVD). “This is a good idea, your brother just can’t compromise.”

“Compromise? You just want to watch -- Diego, she’s impossible!”

The man just sighed, and you felt the vibrations of the heavy sound leave his shoulder to your forehead. “Shut it, both of you. I’m picking. We’re watching this one.”

You glanced up to see him gesturing at your choice. Immediately, your eyes lit up and you turned to his brother with a resounding ‘HA!’.

“That’s not fair!”

“How’s it not fair?” chorused both you and Diego at the same time. 

“You always go with her pick!”

Your smile died a little, replaced with new anger. “That’s not true, you’re just a sore loser! And your brother has taste!”

But Klaus didn’t even care for the half-baked insult; he was ploughing right along with his first point, almost excitedly too. “You always do! Every time we fight and you pretend to ‘break up the fight’, but you’re not sly, dear brother!”

Diego frowned beside you. “That’s not true. I picked yours last week.”

“No, no you did not! We watched Inception even though you said before that one chick freaks you out too much!”

“Well -” you pause, mulling over his words just the littlest bit; maybe he did have some fragments of a point. “Well, that’s not totally valid. I mean, Ariadne’s not in the movie that much, he doesn’t have to look at Vanya’s doppelganger the whole time.”

Diego nodded. “‘Sides, it was better than whatever the fuck you chose.”

“Excuses, excuses,” Klaus cooed, still on top of your coffee table and still way too energized to be standing on it. You really should stop letting him stand on such delicate things - but perhaps that argument could wait until after he was done making such weird points. “It’s always her - I mean, Diego, don’t you think you’re laying it on a bit thick?”

“What?!”

“Huh?!”

Klaus scoffed. “Come on - you two have been making goo-goo eyes and sweet little gestures for as long as I’ve known you two! Movie nights are just the next thing you’ve taken away from me, and manipulated to be about your sick mutual pining scheme!”

Your mouth dropped open in a move to immediately dispute, only to simply hang, unsure what there was to say to that. He was wrong, of course - for the sure fact that you knew Diego did not like you at all. Wouldn’t you know, already if he did? Sure, maybe you were a little obvious with your feelings sometimes, but only occasionally, and they were never received as much.

This was just a grand scheme to get his movie picked, and you told him that, proudly calling him out on what you thought was just a big game.

But Klaus did not react as you thought he would. Instead, he leapt down from his post and sank down to sit on the coffee table, teetering into a cross-legged position. His long fingers jabbed at the both of you. “You two are so in your heads, you’ve gone blind to the other person. I mean, Y/N, you’re literally curled around Diego right now, does that not register in your brain?”

Okay, so that was correct. You were close to him, maybe not as close as he said but your head did rest on his sleeve, and your hands --

-- awkwardly, you pulled away, crossing your arms across yourself. “Not a good point; I’m just comfortable with him. As I am with you.”

“Ah, but we don’t cuddle like two babes in a pea pod, do we?”

“Klaus, you’re being-”

“-foolish? Am I? Diego, brother of mine, you look at Y/N like she’s aligned the stars and moon and given them to you as a gift! And you look at me like I’m dirt on the side of -”

“-Klaus,” you hissed, with hot cheeks and a new feeling bubbling at your throat (embarrassment, maybe? fear?) that you did not want to spill. “If I pick your movie, will you stop this nonsense?”

The young man huffed, raising his knees up and flapping them down again. “Don’t be so scared of acceptance, dear Y/N! I mean, think of the potential, two people with questionable taste finally joining and becoming one?”

“Klaus!”

You rose from the couch suddenly, jerky motions and wide eyes in an attempt to hide your overwhelming emotional buildup. You didn’t look at Diego. “Sit, Klaus, please, and let me put on this damn movie so we can be free of this? Stop making our lives a rom-com!”

“Am I wrong?!”

“Yes!” You responded, indignant and loud. Still you refused to look Diego’s way. “Come on now. If Diego thought of me as attractive, I’m sure we would’a worked it out in the many years of our friendship. Right? Let’s just watch this film.”

Klaus mumbled something under his breath, but it was too quiet for you to catch. He slumped down in your place and grinned, “Diego, will you cuddle me like-”

“-I will gut you like a fish, asshole-”

“-movie time, quiet up!”

You sank down into your chair, cold and missing Diego’s presence, and avoided his searching eyes. Whatever was going on with him, it wasn’t something you were sure you could emotionally deal with; Klaus pretending like your feelings could be requited would be enough pain for the night. You’d gladly watch his pick if it meant quiet.

“HEY.”

You didn’t look up from the dishes; you didn’t have to, to recognise the voice. “Hey. Klaus asleep still?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

“You, uh…” Diego’s voice followed behind you, until you were pretty certain he was leaning on the counter almost directly from you. “All the stuff he said…”

You forced a chuckle, even though your heart had almost immediately sunk. And here you thought you’d be free of more tragedy that night. “Ha, yeah. So weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah,” you mumbled, losing momentum with every second. Did you have to do this? You were tired and lonely and sad, and you didn’t want to get second helpings of unrequited feelings that night. But still, you played along. “Such a joke. You n’me? I know you don’t feel that way, don’t worry.”

“What if--” he stopped, short.

You waited a moment to see if he’d continue, only to be met with silence. You turned to stare at him. He leant back on his arms with his head down, so you couldn’t see whatever look he wore on his face. 

“What if…?”

“What if…” he paused again, sighing and rubbing a hand down his face. “I...if...I dunno. It wasn’t all a joke.”

Okay, you were starting to freak out a little, If this was some sort of joke… “Diego, I really don’t ha-”

“-I like you, Y/N.”

And just like that, your heart had stopped.

Well, not really. Though it did feel like it did; one moment you thought he was there to confront you about your feelings, and the next you could only start at him like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure whether or not to run or to just stand and wait for the impact.

“W-huh?”

“I-idiot’s talking about me,” he groaned, and clearly he was forcing the words out, practically spitting them to avoid stuttering. “I-I just didn’t say it cause-”

“-don’t say that.”

Diego stopped. “What?”

“I mean,” you shrugged, taking a step away from the dishes. Your soapy hands moved out to just almost touch him. “He’s way too adamant on his choice in movies. And some might say he has no choice...but he’s definitely not an idiot.”

Slowly, Diego, rolled away from the counter and lifted his head to look at you. You could see the same look in his eyes you were sure reflected in yours; confusion, fear, a little bit of that bubbling excitement that came with passion--

“He figured out we were both into each other ‘fore either of us had a clue.” You stepped nearer; the two of you were nearly touching. You forced your head up, staring him down with a smile. “To be completely honest, this feels like a fever dream. Not sure this is even happening.”

“Oh,” he whispered, and it came out more like a sigh than a word. His hands met your waist, trembling but pressing. “Y-”

-you cut him off. Quickly, before you could lose your will (or grip on reality, whatever came first) you lifted up on your toes and to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to his own. It was brief but sure, only lasting a second before pulling away.

“I like you too, dummy.”

His eyes reopened and stared down at you, wide and happy. “Yeah?”

“I don’t know how you didn’t notice,” you laughed, itching to kiss him again. Why had you pulled away so quickly? His taste didn’t even remain on your own lips, no matter how you licked at them. “I feel like I was obvious as hell.”

Diego smiled a little, soft and pretty. “I g-guess I was just b-b-busy lookin’ at you like you hung the moon, or - or whatever Klaus said.”

“IT WAS ALIGNED THE STARS AND MOON, YOU LOVESICK FOOL!”

“GO BACK TO SLEEP, KLAUS!”

“...DID YOU GUYS KISS YET?”

“KLAUS!”

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

aight aight, real shit; let's say you got the chance to rewrite the entirety of gossip girl exactly how you want. make a brief description of what would happen in each season. (you can decide whether there's a fourth season or not)

oh i LOVE this ask, and i am so flattered to be asked this, haha. i have SO many thoughts, i’ve been thinking about this non-stop, but i’ll try to be as brief as possible. also, disclaimer, i don’t remember all the seasons equally clearly. like i barely remember s2. haha, whoops.

season 1: i love this season as is, for the most part. i think the tone of it was actually very serious and involved? like the show was actively trying not to be frivolous with heavy topics, and the way we were getting to see the characters seemed like they were trying to bring out character depth and the complexities of their lives in very deliberate ways. nate’s whole thing with his parents gets so much focus, and it’s not something the show glorifies, it’s something that is meant to make you uncomfortable and worried for him. 

i would have nate be less of a dudebro, jenny & nate’s friendship being a little more solid, dan being a little more involved in jenny’s problems + helping her find her space, vanessa/nate to happen earlier - after nate breaks up w/ blair and realises she looks happier, i would have him not try and get back with her (lol, dude, the fact that she’s happy after breaking up with you means you probably shouldn’t be dating her.) more exploration of eric’s mental health. more dan and blair friendship. i would keep chair the way it is this season. i would not have a derena breakup - i’d have them take a break after the georgina reveal and get back together during the summer after talking about it and deciding to be more honest & open with each other. and, what the hell, i would have lily not blame serena (???) for being taken advantage of in the whole pete fairman situation. serena wasn’t sober, she was 16, that dude was in his 30s, georgina was taping her w/o her consent. how is any of this serena’s fault??? i hate lily’s reaction so much.

season 2: i... don’t remember enough of this season, sadly. it’s been too long since i watched it. i would majorly change jenny’s arc here, though. eleanor stealing her dress was majorly, majorly fucked up, and i think jenny should’ve done something then and there. also the whole thing with ‘lily is a mother to chuck’.... i would’ve loved it if lily had been like that to jenny. the girl needed it, and lily would’ve actually been able to help jenny establish connections in the professional world and whatnot. i think jenny should’ve transferred out of constance - not necessarily homeschooling maybe, but gone somewhere else. unlike dan, she didn’t even want to get into an ivy, she wanted to make it big as a designer. so. that. 

oh nate my love. i’d get this trainwreck of a boy some therapy. while i hate that the catherine thing happened, things like that do happen all the time, and i’d be interested in sort of handling the aftermath of it in a responsible way. i would not have... a lot of serena’s arc and decisions (from what i can remember) were really random in this season. i’d have her break up with dan at some point. and vanessa would need a new subject for her short film, and she’d choose serena.

nate doesn’t really date anyone, this season. but he and jenny open up to each other abt having gay crushes on people who treat you like shit - jenny’s thing with agnes - nate rescues her when they’re taking those pictures in her flat and let’s say she doesn’t go back to agnes. instead of kissing her, nate talks to her instead, and tells her about carter, tells her about chuck. and jenny talks about her feelings for blair, her feelings for agnes. and both of them sort of go... “it sucks, but all we can do is try not to become the kind of people we hate, right?”

dan pines for nate. majorly. massively. obviously. i think the only person who really notices is blair, and this would lead to new hijinks and shenanigans. also!! i do not want chair in s2. maybe it can go there for a bit but definitely not to the extent in canon. i want blair to have the same moment of being unable to deny her cruelty / needing to be accountable that she did in that ‘age of dissonance’ play. and. this sounds fucky but i want the dan/rachel stuff to stay as it is, and later, in s4, for dan & serena to talk about rachel & ben respectively and be like ‘hey, this was a fucked up thing to happen to us, wasn’t it?’ 

i would also like to get to know blair’s “minions” better as people. i mean. they all seemed hella fascinating to me, and the show’s decision to make them superficial and unidimensional was very depressing.

season 3: hot garbage, throw canon away. when chuck goes away to paris or wherever, let him not come back. goodbye, dude! dan, blair & vanessa friendship at nyu is so, so important to me. also im losing my mind always at how vanessa and serena catch dan on that walk of shame and they’re both like ‘college is a time for experimentation!’ and nobody does anything even slightly bisexual (unless you count that threesome later, which, blah.) a serenessa / date dynamic in college would’ve been great. dan transferring to columbia like blair does and rooming with nate and just, the gayness of it all. dan & blair become really, really close, and d&b&v watch movies + go to art exhibits together and are all SO DAMN PRETENTIOUS. serena finds it sexy, nate finds it terrifying. 

the william stuff would be interesting if he were actually held accountable. like that man has no right being a doctor, and medical malpractice needs to be brought up. and jenny’s whole arc this season makes me so sad. i think it would’ve been interesting if she’d been a ‘queen’ and ruled alongside eric, and just, the two of them forcing people to be nice, sort of like they try to do with people who are mean to nelly in s2 i think it is? but also.. jenny out of constance is very good, and i think i mentioned that earlier, haha, whoops.

season 4 : serenessa breakup, for whatever reason, probably to do with the william fuckery, because i think vanessa would react in similar ways to nate (”serena, i know he’s your dad, but we have to do the right thing” / “it still wasn’t your call to make” / “he’s a certified doctor, serena, a man like that has no right -” / “god vanessa, you really don’t get it, do you?” ). uhhh i would actually... if i had to choose i would honestly go blairnessa >>>>> dair. i love how blair & vanessa can keep each other on their toes and hold each other accountable. like? blair’s classist or racist and dan’s just like, *smiles*. vanessa would actively be like ‘hey, stop that.’ (this is one of the few actual criticisms i have about d/b as a relationship, RIP.) 

(edited to add: yeah, i think blairnessa WOULD be a sustainable relationship, more abt that here! )

yes to the milo arc, but dan gets to keep milo (his friends threaten georgina and go all ‘you made him sign the certificate. don’t make us take you to court’ because i love these morally grey assholes but also because g DID trick dan into thinking milo was his and dan was ready to reshape his whole life around that kid which is more than georgina was willing to do. plus endgame: jack/georgina are not parents i want milo to have.) i would also have more of a rufus & dan fallout over the milo thing. i think rufus would be really nasty about it all tbh.

the dair arc for blair and vanessa! let the juliet stuff happen, but let it be less awful + let it be seen as Bad + let serena get help & not forgive her for it. let serena NOT date ben after, what the hell. i want d&s to talk about their shared feelings for high school teachers and to realise, in retrospect, as adults, that what happened was crossing lines. let blair and vanessa suddenly drop dan and do the movies + galleries stuff on their own. and dan’s like ??? but he’s busy being a parent with nate supporting him. dan’s drama is very much parenting things. there would be some nonsense involving nate’s family pushing back, because ‘we stood by while you dated him, nate, we thought it was a phase. but raising a child with another man? this is unacceptable.’ i would like nate to get disowned by the family, and need to find his own feet. and to get a REAL SHOT AT HAPPINESS away from that terrible environment.

season 5: i want this to be a good serena season. let her find her calling doing creative things. let her and carter travel the world. let her just be whoever she wants to be. let her and vanessa patch their friendship up. let her have an open relationship with carter, let her have a lot of sex with a lot of random people and not feel guilty about it. let her really really blossom. i want more eric! maybe he’s in london with jenny, and she’s working on her fashion stuff, and he’s realising that he really wants to be a counsellor. 

some time-skips, maybe. i really want to see dan’s whole thing of being a parent. sending milo to kindergarten and spending the whole time milo’s gone on edge and anxious about everything that could go wrong, while nate comforts him. let nate try to get a job because he no longer has a trust fund, and navigate everything that comes with that. let vanessa be there for him. why the fuck am i phrasing my sentences like this - can you tell that i studied physics once?? oh well.

blair & vanessa handling a lot of things. vanessa meeting harold!! vanessa’s parents being disapproving of blair, but ruby standing up for her. blair & vanessa planning their future properly. blair & vanessa babysitting milo and talking about kids. 

and there can be drama too, there should always be drama. but i would like wholesome stuff at the centre of it too, you know? the ivy/lola nonsense can go on in the background, i don’t actually care that much. as long as ivy doesn’t go around fucking people’s fathers for no understandable or discernable reason, i don’t really care lkdhlfdkhg. (it was just so inexplicable and so random!)

season 6: uh, i don’t know. this was a bad season for everyone in canon, except chuck. i would throw it all away. i would actually love if we had pre-series rufly instead: every time those two bring up their past together i’m like 👀 because it sounds like a dream. or focus entirely on jenny and eric and their life. i am obsessed with jenny and eric being... sort of queerplatonic, sort of like, best friends. there’s no romance and no sex between them (eric’s canonically gay, and jenny’s a lesbian because i said so) but i think the way jenny and eric are is very, very life partners in a way that isn’t romantic OR sexual. so they’d have a little place together and would support each other. and just. what are they up to now? also. kati, iz, penelope, hazel, nelly... what r they doing now? one of the few things i actually liked about s6 as it was was that nelly was that reporter and that she’d found her people in yale. nelly yuki getting a happy and fulfilling ending and being a successful woman was so good and we actually got a little bit of that. i’d like more of that, for the rest of the girls, you know?

[liliesoftherain]

Bittersweet Findings, in that Order

A/N: WOW I’m sorry this took forever, school started back up and I’m already so swamped on the first day??? Like pls, stop. I don’t want to . At least I got to finish this! I’m so happy ughjfoivfihviowuh, I didn’t get to edit this so I’m sorry for any mistakes(All my writing has mistakes in it cause I don’t edit hard enough just post, whoops) But enjoy!! I hope you guys like the fluffy part two(: (AND THE CRAPPY BATTLE SCENE AIFAPIHVPI)

Pairing: Izuku Midoriya x Reader

20. “Wait a minute... Are you jealous?”

Part One

Izuku Midoriya!: Part 2

As soon as Jiro had slammed the door you felt nauseous. If it wasn’t bad enough everyone would believe you were crushing on the blonde, your actual crush had heard everything. Izuku had heard everything, and well you were honestly scared. As far as you were able to tell, there didn’t seem to be much of a reaction on his end. The thought of him not caring had your heart squeezing painfully in your chest. You already knew deep down that you probably wouldn’t have much of a shot with one of the top three students of U.A. You were always hopeful, of course, but you never really thought it would go anywhere.

But that didn’t mean it hurt any less when you found out it wasn’t ever going to go anywhere.

Besides being in pain, you now also had to deal with the stresses of Bakugou. His emotions were always out on display, yet everyone who disagrees just doesn’t know where to look. His eyes may be intimidating at first glance, and that’s why everyone chose to look away. But if you stayed to look longer, you could clearly see everything he couldn’t convey into words out on the table. His emotions tonight however, when you locked eyes, caused such confusion in your mind. His eyes almost looked, dare you say, disappointed. 

You wanted to believe it was due to the fact he didn’t like you, but that didn’t seem to be it. His disappointment was stemmed for another reason entirely and you couldn’t quite understand why. You knew the only way to solve it would be to just face him, and talk to him straight up. Even if it will be awkward, it’d be better to get the truth out to him now versus losing him in the sense of friendship and family. You were sure it would all blow over and no one would think twice about it once the school week began.

It was only Friday, and unfortunately you doubted you’d see much of Bakugou until then, just because he is awkward himself and most likely doesn’t know how to confront you about the ‘feelings’ you have. Which, you don’t.

Towards him anyways.

You thoughts were drifting off towards Izuku once more until Mina cleared her throat, desperate to break the tension that flooded the room.

“I swear, boys are such pigs. Listening in on a girls sleepover, don’t they have anything better to do.”

“Guess not,” Settling back on the floor, Jiro then wrapped herself in a blanket with her cheeks blazing, “I’m going to kill him when I see him next..”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine-” Momo glanced at you, “For the both of you. I’m sorry, we wouldn’t have said anything if we knew Bakugou was outside.”

“Yeah, at least dumbass probably didn’t realize who I was talking about, if he heard me that is.” Jiro sighed.

“Well it’s not that big of a deal because I don’t like Bakugou.” You shrugged.

“You don’t? I was so sure.” Mina grumbled, a hand on her chin as she began to think out loud-reminding you of the boy you truly liked.

Your chest tightened and you felt your face fall, the worried looks of the two on the ground confirmed it as they asked what was wrong.

“It’s just.. He was out there. He didn’t seem to care-I mean..” You huffed, annoyed at the pressure that began to build behind your eyes.

You didn’t want to cry, there was no reason to. He was just some silly crush, just another classmate, just Izuku.

But that was the thing, he was Izuku.

Izuku was everything you hoped to be and more. Strong, caring, enthusiastic, brave. He was an amazing hero, and you had no doubts that one day he will become the number one. He may not be a pro yet but he sure as hell had the guts to be. 

“Wait if you don’t like Bakugou who’s he?” 

“...Midoriya.” 

The girls jaws dropped and the sight drew a tiny laugh from you.

“Babes you like Midoriya?” Mina slapped her hands over her cheeks, reminding you of that famous painting.

“Yea, I do.”

“It’s just, we didn’t expect that honestly.” 

“You just don’t seem the type to like someone like him.” Kyoka rubbed her neck.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You frowned.

“Nothing bad, I just meant that you two don’t really hang out too much. I’ve always seen you around Bakugou and Kirishima, I just never pictured you ‘d like Midoriya cause well-”

“He doesn’t seem like your type.” Mina cut her off, hoping she wouldn’t upset you.

You couldn’t be upset because you understood their questions, you really didn’t hang out with Izuku much. But that didn’t mean you didn’t like to hang out with him. You just got too nervous to ask to hang out more, when he didn’t seem to want to.

“I get it. It’s hard to talk to someone when they don’t want to talk to you back.” You sniffed, and didn’t even realize you were beginning to cry.

“Oh hun,” Mina wrapped her arms around you, “Midoriya looks up to you a lot!”

“Really? Why would he look up to me?”

“It’s true! Midoriya-kun is always talking about you and how he admires your strength, your battle tactics, and how smart you are!” Momo smiled, hoping to help sooth your worries.

Your tears were slow, maybe a tear here and there, but it was still more than anyone has ever seen you cry. You tried not to, you were too afraid to show such a raw emotion. Unlike Izuku, how was he so brave?

“Just because he ‘admires’ me, doesn’t mean he likes me. I’m sure he has no romantic feelings towards me whatsoever.”

“If he doesn’t like you then he’s tripping, who wouldn’t like you?”

“Exactly, Midoriya may not love anything as much as he loves AllMight-” That made the group laugh, “But that doesn’t mean he can’t like anyone else, meaning you.”

The hums of agreement were enough to stop your tears, and agree with them in hopes they would stop talking about it.

While you were thankful they were trying to reassure you, you really didn’t want to keep thinking about it.

You all agreed shortly after that going to bed would seem like the best option now, after the whole thing you guys felt pretty worn out. Making yourself comfortable on the bed next to Mina, you wished the two on the makeshift bed next to you a goodnight before everyone quickly nodded off. 

Except you, you were finding it hard to fall asleep as you recall the events that happened over and over again in your head. It was hard, trying to convince yourself that Izuku could actually care about you in that sense. But you couldn’t, there was no way someone as talented as him could look up to you like they said, let alone like you in any other way than a classmate. No way someone as talented as him could feel that way, someone so positive, well-collected, and just outright outstanding. 

You couldn’t hold a candle to someone like him.

These thoughts continued to plague your mind until you were too exhausted to think, finally falling into a sleepless slumber as your body felt cold and numb, even under all the blankets.

The entire weekend went by without seeing either boy, and it only caused your anxiety to grow. Was Bakugou ignoring you now? He really must have thought you had a crush on him, and you wished he would just talk to you so any awkwardness between the both of you would be over and done with. You just wanted things to go back to normal, which you hope would be easy enough if Bakugou would quit running away from you and let you talk.

When Monday rolled around you knew it was your chance to finally talk to the kid and tell him it was all a big misunderstanding. You headed to class early, hoping to catch him there since he was always the first in class. Thankfully you were right as always, walking into the classroom the only other person inside was Bakugou.

“Hey Bakugou, morning.” You greeted, walking over to his desk. 

His eyes immediately snapped up to stare at you, his body going rigid the closer you got. He was silent, and the longer it stretched the more irritated you got.

“Don’t you know it’s rude to not greet someone back?”

“Look, (l/n)-”

“I don’t like you, stop being weird already!” You huffed at how uncharacteristic he was being. 

You were taken aback by the look of surprise on his face, his eyes opening wide and mouth parted. It was funny to see such a look on his face so you snorted in amusement as your irritation wore off, effectively snapping him out of his daze. His face took on one you were used to seeing, narrowed eyes burning in annoyance and mouth set in a scowl.

“What?”

“The girls were teasing, and they just assumed it was you. So I’m sorry to say I don’t have those kinds of feelings for you, I hope your heart isn’t crushed too badly.” You joked.

“Shitty girl,” Bakugou ran a hand down his face and let out a deep sigh, “Don’t be such a pushover and tell them to shut the fuck up then.”

“You’re telling me not to be a pushover? What about you, quit being such a pervert. What were you doing out there anyways, peeping tom.”

“Oi watch it,” He clicked his tongue, shoulders relaxing as he leaned back in his chair, “no one was peeping at nothin’, and I sure as hell wouldn’t do some dumb shit like that. I was there to watch someone get their ass beat. Which was disappointing by the way, you losers didn’t do shit.”

“Well wait for sparring later today, I’ll make sure some ass gets kicked for your sake.”

A smile fell onto you face as a lazy smirk rose on his, and you felt peace fall over you. This was how it was supposed to be, friendly and natural. No one was avoiding anyone, no awkward atmosphere. Friends and nothing more.

The door opening caused you to look back, only for your peaceful air to disappear as you caught sight of curly locks. You watched his eyes dart away as he took his seat, and you felt your body grow cold like how it every time you thought about him. 

Izuku swore he didn’t know how many times his heart could break, it must have been hitting double digits by now. As soon as he opened the door, he saw you looking at Bakugou who had some stupid smirk on his face. You two looked awfully chummy, you must have gotten together or something. The thought of you two together felt like a knife piercing his heart. 

Along with the pain, some unknown feeling sparked up and it had him confused as well as angry. His eyes narrowed and he quickly turned his head away, heading to his seat. He ignored the sensation of your eyes on his back as he sat down, the rest of the students trickling in which acted as a great distraction. He was exhausted, not finding it easy to sleep lately. While he hadn’t cried again since that night, it didn’t mean the pain he felt was any less. The earlier feeling was now gone as he struggled to pay attention in class, listening to the normal general ed lectures until it was time for the hero training. 

You were dismissed to put on your training uniforms then head out to the training grounds. Aizawa-sensei had met you there, giving the instructions of today’s session.

“It’s just regular one-on-one combat. Quirks allowed this time, but keep it in check. I don’t want to deal with it if you go overboard, so don’t force my hand to stop you. Got it? Good. Use this to immobilize your opponent. Here are the partners..”

You were handed white tape and made to select a piece of paper that had a match number your partner would share. You were paired with Ochaco, and she smiled brightly as you were the first team to spar. 

You didn’t mind her, she was a lovely girl, but it was the fact she was so close to Izuku that had you a little wary of her. She admitted to you girls once that she used to have a big crush on Izuku throughout the first year of school, so how could you not be? It was a bit daunting overall, she was in the position you wanted to be in when it came to the boy. You wanted to be able to hang out with him more often and not have it be a weird occurrence to do so.

You both took your place across from each other and waited for the signal, jumping into action once it was given. As long as you didn’t let Uraraka touch you with her hands, you would be okay. So as soon as she lunged, you willed your body to jump away from her as you landed off towards the side. You played this cat and mouse for a bit, making sure to not get hit by any rocks she had happened to find and use as ammunition. 

You managed to snag an opening and quickly knocked her off of her balance, pinning her to the ground on her front and quickly securing the tape around her wrists. Aizawa-sensei called it you win, and as the good sportsman you are, helped Uraraka up apologized for the rough landing. She laughed it off, saying it was an incentive to work harder to hope to catch you off guard and win next time.

Your eyes automatically searched for Izuku, as they always did, and much to your disappointment he wasn’t looking at you. He would normally give you a giant grin and a thumbs up, telling you his thoughts on the match once he had the chance to talk to you.

But now his gaze wasn’t nearly as happy as you remembered it to be, his brows were pinched and his normal smile was now pulled tight. His gaze was focused, heated one would say, staring straight at his own opponent. You missed his smile, you hadn’t seen it in a while. You were also curious as to why he ignored you all weekend and today, was he perhaps embarrassed about getting caught?

That had to be it, Izuku did get easily flustered or embarrassed, it might take him a bit before he could talk to you again. Which you didn’t like, but if that’s what he needed than you would be more than willing to give him that. Besides, he didn’t owe you anything. 

It’s not as if you were dating, he didn’t even like you for goodness sake.

You turned away from the boy, hoping no one saw the hurt that flashed across your face. You turned your attention to focus on the remaining matches, getting a weird feeling when Izuku and Bakugou walked up to take their own places after a couple of battles.

Izuku felt his body heat up when Aizawa called him to his own spar, his partner already waiting. Green meeting red in a heated gaze, Izuku felt that unfamiliar emotions from early come back tenfold. What was just a spark is now a flame, burning hot. Once the signal to begin was announced, the rational thoughts left. All Izuku could focus on was the way his heart hurt, the way his chest burned, and the discontented eyes that stared right at him.

What did Bakugou have to be dissatisfied about? He had you didn’t he? He’s always been one step ahead of him, Izuku knew this. Since they were kids, it was always Bakugou. Bakugou in the lead, Bakugou with the quirk, the friends, the power, the strength. Why now, after so much work, why is Bakugou still so far ahead of him? 

Midoriya and Bakugou dodged each other's blows swing after swing, the quirks not even being used at the moment. It was an even match for the most part, until Izuku saw Katsuki’s eyes flicker over towards the crowd, then back towards Izuku with a smirk and whispered;

“Wait a minute… Are you jealous? You should be.”

That’s when the last bit of self restraint snapped. 

The fire now a blazing inferno as his teeth ground together harshly, allowing more than a bit of his quirk to seep into his hand as his fist made contact with Katsuki’s cheek. His head snapped to the side as he was unable to block or move, even countering seemed out of reach as the boy staggered back, clearly not expecting such a hard punch. Bakugou’s eyes hardened in anger as he finally began to use his own quirk, explosions going off to propel him forward with more speed and more strength. 

Shouting and grunting was all that was heard from the two, besides the harsh sound of skin on skin. The two were going all out, and what surprised you the most wasn’t the look on Bakugou’s face, but how Izuku held the exact same look on his own. It was different to see him with such a smoldering look, as if he were upset at Bakugou for some reason. Which didn’t make sense to you, because while they weren’t the best of friends, Izuku was hardly-if ever-truly angry at Katsuki. You wondered if there was something that happened between the two of them to cause this type of behavior.

You gasped as you felt the intensity of their powers radiating off of them, it has been a while since you’ve seen Izuku battle with such a ferocity up close. You didn’t have the same work studies, so you hardly ever battled together on the field unless you were teamed up for one reason or another. So when you heard his loud cry, and saw energy coming off of his arm in large waves, you couldn’t help but worry. What was he doing battling so hard? 

What was he trying to prove?

Izuku had everything to prove, he knew it. Even if he wasn’t sure why he did, he knew he had to. It was some instinct, some deep down feeling that once lay dormant had sprung to life and was gnawing at him till he listened. Well, he knew what that feeling was now he supposed, it was what Katsuki said-

He was jealous.

But he had to listen to it, to show that he was the better man, to show that he was worthy, that he wasn’t just some crybaby. That he too was a man, worthy of-

Well, worthy of you.

As quickly as he let his power spike did it drop, the power coursing through him ceasing as his closed fist still struck against his opponents jaw, just with less vigor. He felt Katsuki’s clenched hand strike his cheek harshly, yet no stinging explosion followed. 

Both boys fell over from the force, and knew that they weren’t the ones to deactivate their quirks. 

You looked over to the left and saw your teacher with glowing eyes, a hard stare on his tired face. He must’ve known things wouldn’t have ended well if he allowed the fight to continue.

“Were you two even trying to trap the other, what’s gotten into you. I thought you both overcame this age old spat and were getting along better. I’m disappointed. Get out of here and get cleaned up, now.”

Aizawa didn’t let his quirk drop until the two were walking away, in the opposite directions. One towards the locker room, and the other towards the bathrooms. He just sighed at the sight, clearly annoyed at having to stop the match. 

“Next group, let’s go.”

Izuku’s hand banged against the locker door as he slammed it shut. Breathing heavy as he tried to still his racing heart, the pain in his body not registering as his adrenaline was way too high to allow it. It was an odd feeling, knowing you were in pain but unable to feel anything more than anger coursing through your veins. Was this how Katsuki always felt.

The thought of the boy alone sent another spike of jealousy through him, causing him to bite his lip as he glared at the ground.

“That was intense, are you okay?”

His head snapped up to meet your eyes, and his heart skipped a beat.

“(l-l/n)? What are you-”

“I asked Aizawa-sensei if I could check up on you, you guys were going at it pretty rough.” You said softly, not caring you were in the boys locker room.

While Izuku wanted to be thrilled at the idea you were worried about him, he couldn’t bring his body to cooperate. 

“Why do you care?”

You were stunned, the annoyance on his face and in his voice catching you off guard. You were unsure of what you did to him, was he mad at you? 

Izuku? Mad?

“Midoriya why wouldn’t I care about you? You’re my friend.” You swallowed your hurt at the word.

Little did you know Izuku did too.

“Friend, right.” He scoffed. 

Izuku wanted to kick himself for speaking so rudely to you, but at the same time wanted nothing more than for you to go away.

You were a constant reminder after all, a reminder that he’d never be good enough. 

Never be enough.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You crossed your arms over your chest defensively, growing aggravated.

“Listen, shouldn’t you be with Bakugou.” He copied your stance, also turning his head away from you.

His eyes were narrowed, and eyebrows drawn together with a pout on his face. You thought he almost looked cute, if it weren’t for the snarky tone he was using. Plus, when did he start calling him Bakugou? Even after all this time, he never failed to call him Kaachan.

“Bakugou? Why would I be with Bakugou-”

“Oh cut the crap,” He let out a frustrated cry, hands weaving through his hair, “Look I get it, he’s better than me. That’s what you think-that’s what everyone thinks! I was probably overthinking it, I know I was. Why would you ever like me in the first place. God, I’m such an idiot! To think I’d ever have a chance with you! I want to be mad at you, but I can’t! It wasn’t your fault I got so attached, so into you, but you keep coming into my life and I can’t just forget you! Whether it’s a study session, a spar, a friendly mall trip! I hate it all, because all I do is feel these good-for-nothing butterflies and-and these stupid feelings!.. Just please, leave me alone…” He cried.

The tears in his eyes made him feel even more angry, as he desperately tried to wipe them away.

“I-I know I’ll never be what you want. It’s not me and I’ll be okay with it but I can’t, h-have you here constantly reminding me! I, I just can’t-” A sob escaped his mouth, “It hurts, because I’m just proving to you how inadequate I am.. How worthless, how stupid, hopeless, lousy I am and I-”

Your body froze at his confession, and you weren’t sure what to do. Sure, this is what you’ve wanted for a while now, but at what cost? The boy you were in love with was standing in front of your, crying his heart out, pouring out his insecurities. You reached a hand towards him only to have him back away from it.

“I’m never going to be as good as him. I’ll never be as strong, I’ll never have what it takes. I���m not that outgoing, I know I’m shy, and I’m okay with myself.. I don’t want to change who I am, but hearing you don’t like the type of person I am hurts (y/n), can’t you see what you’re doing to me?” Watery green eyes bore into your own.

“Izuku I don’t like Bakugou.”

“Don’t lie to me, why-why would you-”

“Izuku,” You grabbed his face, being wary of the bruise that was forming on his right cheekbone, “I like you. I always have. You are stronger and braver than anyone I know. I don’t know why you’d think I’d believe otherwise.. You’re so headstrong in battle, you are exactly how I want to be as a hero, and you don’t even need to try! You’re caring, compassionate, forgiving, loving, sweet, yet so brave, tough, unyielding, strong-willed, Izuku. You’re the most assertive person I have ever met… And, well you know how I feel about assertive people.” 

You were whispering, tears in your own eyes but a smile on your lips nonetheless. It was beautiful to see his eyes widen with tears other than sadness, his frown softened into an unbelieving grin, to see such a lovestruck expression on his face.

A blush quickly formed underneath your hands, stutters spilling from his lips to form sentences.

“I-I, uh, you re-really mean that? You-er-you’re not lying t-to me?”

“When have I ever lied to you?”

“U-uh well.. Never.. But Kaachan was being-”

“Never. That’s right, plus when is Bakugou ever nice? He probably said whatever to make you angry, you know how he likes to egg you on. Don’t worry, I’ll kick his ass later,” You took a deep breath as you blurted out your next words, “I’m in love with you, Izuku Midoriya. Full on, unconditional love. And I don’t care if it’s too early because that’s how I feel. And while this may be crossing a line, I know that I will follow you anywhere, because I have the utmost faith in your abilities, in you. I love you, and I want to be with you. If you’ll have me.”

Your own blush spread across your face, growing more nervous the longer he took to answer. You began to retract your hands away from his face when his own slapped over yours, causing you to yelp in surprise.

“I-I-I LOVE YOU TOO AND W-WANT YOU TO BE MY G-G-G-GIRLFRIEND!” His eyes were squeezed shut, his entire body now red from embarrassment. 

Your laugh made him crack one eye open, and he felt all his worries and fears fade. Gosh, how were you so beautiful? 

“I would love to be your girlfriend Izuku, even if you are a big baby.” 

He looked offended at your words, playfully clicking his tongue.

“Great cause uh, you don’t have the choice of saying no!” His chest puffed out, eyes set firm as he stared at you with an intense look.

“Oh?” You rose an eyebrow, watching as his strong-guy demeanor fell in an instant.

“N-no of course you can say no, um, i-if you really wanted to..”

“I don’t. You know, everything I said was true. I like you for who you are, not who you think I like. I need you to be you, and no one else. Baby and all.”

He bit his lip nervously, looking into your eyes as he squeezed your hands in his, bringing them down from his face to rest in between you both.

“I can do that.”

“I wouldn’t want you any other way.”

Hearing those words Izuku knew;

He was a crybaby.

But he was your crybaby, and that’s all that mattered to him.

[pixie88]

Bad Decision

Chapter 4 - Our Little Secret.

A/N: Queen B fanfiction. I’m currently editing and adding all  my FF to my new account. All being added to my pinned masterlist on my profile. Let me know if you would like to be tagged! 

Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.

Word count: 1757

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Some adult language & Angst

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.

Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.

Enjoy!

"Lillian, I can explain" Ian tells her "How can any explanation make the fact you are sleeping with a student make this right? Ian, this is wrong on so many levels! Do you not care about your career?" she asks him.

I close the door, Ian turns to me for help "Lillian, I understand this looks bad but I promise this isn't how it started. When we first met I had no idea he was my professor nor did he know I was his student" "So when you did find out why didn't you stop it Ian?" Lillian asks him.

"Lillian, I tried, but the more I denied myself the more I wanted. I love Lyla, I'm even moving to a different university, so I can be with her without any repercussions" " So, you tried? It doesn't look like you tried very hard Ian! What do you two fuck between classes? I bet Lyla is an A class student in your class she has to be considering she's fucking her professor. Ian, how can you be so reckless?" Ian face turns to annoyance.

Lillian, Stop! I will not have you talk about or to Lyla like that! Yes, I have been reckless, but that is from my own doing!" Lillian face soften "Ian, I'm sorry! I just don't want this to blow up in your face and end your career you worked so hard for" (Lillian is right, I can't let Ian risk his career for me. At least not while he's still working here).

"Ian, your sister is right, maybe we should cool it until you start your new job. I can't risk you losing everything for me. So, I think it is best that you find a new TA for the rest of your time here. I'll see you in class." I put the graded essays on the small coffee table.

I go to leave the room, but I feel an arm on my shoulder "Lyla, No! Don't do this!" I turn to face him, his eyes are sad "Ian, I don't want to, but we have to," I see Lillian giving me an agreeing nod to the side of Ian.

"We can still carry on in secret, no one will know" his eye pleading with me (I have to tell him about Poppy) "Someone found out!" I tell him, and he pulls away "You're lying! You're just saying that, so I agree to take a break." "Ian, I wish I was, but I'm not. Poppy found out about us she had photo's of us. She was going to use them to blackmail me, but I managed to delete every copy she had and burn the paper ones. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to be a part of my mess" he gives me those puppy dog eyes I can't resist.

"Lyla, You should have told me. We could've dealt with that together" I smile "As much as I love you being my knight in shining armour, this was my mess" "No Lyla, It was our mess. You should've told me." he cups my face.

"I know, but so we don't have this problem again, I think we cool it just until you no longer my professor!" he lets go of my face, turns away from me and takes a seat behind his desk.

"Ian, I know it must be hard, but it makes sense and it's only for a few weeks. I think what Lyla is doing is very noble" she smiles at me.

"If that's all Lyla you may go. I'll get a new TA sorted from tomorrow." he doesn't look at me. I leave his office deflated. (Get a grip 8 weeks aren't that long).

2 Weeks later, I have only seen Ian in class I avoid being the first one there so it isn't awkward or at least any more awkward than Ian has made it. Ian avoids my eyes in every lesson and ignores me around campus. He got a new TA 2 days after I told him to get a new one.

I'm not sure Tony seems up to the job as Ian stressed when ever he's around. Ian's class has ended and I'm getting my stuff together to leave when I hear "Ian! It's so good to see you again" I look up to see Lexi approaching Ian's desk at the front of the class.

I hear his husky tone as I make my way to the end of the aisle to leave the classroom "Lexi, you're early" I reach the door when I hear her reply, "Oh, I thought maybe we could have a few drinks before Richard and Annie arrive" (Argh I need a drink and also a bath tub to drown Lexi in).

I send a quick text to Zoe asking if she was free tonight, but she has a lot of studying to catch up on so would probably spend the night in the library.

(Looks like your on your own tonight Lyla).

After I head home to change I found myself outside The Base Lounge a new club that opened last week. I make my way inside and take a seat at the bar and order a passion fruit martini.

After I don't know how many martinis I pull out my phone. I want to text Ian but I shouldn't, but I go against my better judgement.

[Hi Ian, I hope yuo are having a dreadful time on your date with Lexi!]

[You* Whoops]

PING (5 Minutes later)

[Lyla, I am not on a date with Lexi. We are just having dinner with a few colleagues.]

I laugh nearly falling off the bar stool.

[I bet that's not how she sees it. Now you're free for the making.]

[making*]

[Wait that's still not right taking*]

PING (3 Minutes later)

[Lyla, No one is going to take me. You said it was for the best!]

[That was sober Lyla's idea. She's stupid!! I dom't like her!]

[Don't*]

PING (2 Minutes later)

[Lyla, Are you drunk?]

[Well duh! Come on progessor you have a degree. I thought that was obvious!]

PING (1 Minute later)

[Maybe you should get your friends to take you home to sober up!]

[Professor*]

[ Haha, I would but Zoey was busy]

PING (50 seconds later)

[You're by yourself??]

[You know for a professor you are pretty dumb. Of courses I'm by myself if Zoey isn't here. I'm going to walk home after I have been for a pee. Do you know this place has shared toilets! I know it's new but that's just weird right?]

[Course*]

PING (30 Seconds later)

[LYLA, DO NOT WALK HOME! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! JUST STAY THERE!!]

[No need to shout. Well text shout haha. No I'm fine. I can walk. I'll see you in class tomorrow]

I hear my phone continuously ping and ring, but I ignore it and I make my way out of the club. I start walking in the direction I think my dorm is in.

(I feel like I've been walking forever, everything is spinning, Oh no I'm going to...) I run over to the nearest bin and puke. Once I've stopped I clean myself open with a tissue I have in my bag. (Not my classiest moment) "Are you ok?" I look up to find some guy with long black hair staring at me.

(Oh my god, I have hair envy) "Wow, I love your hair!" He smiles "Thanks, but are you ok?" "Yes, I am fine frank you, I mean thank you" "Are you on your way home?" I look at him confused.

(Oh god, he's one of these weirdos that bury young girls under his driveway) "STRANGER DANGER!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I move away from Mr. Perfect Hair. "Stay away from me" he seems shocked "No! Look, I was just checking you were ok. I did mean to scare you" I still back away from him.

"Keep away from me," I shout at him again. I hear a car pull up, the headlights light us up I turn I can't see who it is but because the light is blinding me but I soon recognize the voice.

"Lyla, there you are" Ian comes into view "I've been looking everywhere for you!" he turns to Mr. Perfect Hair "Can I help you?" Ian asks him. "I was just checking she was ok when I saw her throwing up in the bin over there then the mad cow started screaming stranger danger. She's fucking nuts mate." (Everything after that happened in slow motion) Ian squares Mr. Perfect Hair straight in the jaw.

He runs off and Ian takes my hand and leads me to his car.

He gets into the driver's seat, he seems angry "Are you ok Ian?" his jaw tenses "Ian, I said are yo..." "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, LYLA!" he shouts, "Excuse you!" "I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout, but you have no idea how worried I was about you!" "Ian, I'm ok!" "You might not have been! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?" "I wanted a drink and no one was free, Plus I was jealous!" I turn away from him.

"Jealous?" he asks I roll my eye "Yes, jealous of Lexi being able to be seen out in public with you and just in your company," he looks over to me with soft eyes "Lyla, This was your idea. I was happy to keep seeing you in secret, but you decided it was best." "Now I don't think it's best. Ian, I miss you," he quickly looks over to me with a smile before returning his eyes to the road.

"I have to admit I've missed you terribly, but you need to figure out what you want!" "Ian, it's you! I want you. I can't wait 6 more weeks, it's killing me now" I see him smirk.

He takes my hand and pulls it to his lips before placing a small kiss against my knuckles "I want you to, Lyla. But if we are going to do this we need to be careful, very careful! No one can know!" "Of course!" "Not even Lillian!" "Ok, but if we are trying to be careful for the next 6 weeks I don't think you should be seen dropping me at my dorm" "Where shall I drop you home?" I grin.

"At your place Professor!" I wink.

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 5.

[mst3kproject]

Curse of Bigfoot

This is a very bad mummy movie from the 60’s which was re-edited and re-released as an unbelievably bad bigfoot movie in the 70’s.  It would belong on the Satellite of Love even if it didn’t have a small part for Jackie Neyman Jones.  Remember her? Debbie from Manos: the Hands of Fate?  Yeah, as far as I know she’s the only member of the cast ever to do any non-Manos-related film work for the entire rest of her life and it was this.

Once upon a time, somewhere in the American Southwest, Primitive Man was terrorized by Even More Primitive Man.  In modern times, a Bigfootology professor is giving a guest lecture to a class of students.  First he shows them a clip of a movie just as bad as the one we’re watching, then we get an inaccurate history of bigfoot, including the tale of two idiots in a pickup truck who get a big, hairy ass-whooping.  Then, half an hour into the movie, we finally get to what’s supposed to be the main plot.  A professor of archaeology takes some of his students into the wilderness to help excavate an ‘ancient Indian campsite’, but along with the expected potsherds and prayer sticks, they find a tomb containing a mummy from a lost prehistoric civilization.  It comes to life and shambles off into the forest to kill people, because it’s a movie and mummies do that.

This movie does not waste time.  It starts sucking right out of the gate.  Almost everything that’s going to be wrong with it is introduced in the first ten minutes, as if the movie wants to prepare us for the ordeal ahead.

The opening sequence is an incredibly drawn-out scene of a woman getting up in the middle of the night to calm her barking dog, only to be killed by a zombie that wanders out of the woods.  This scene is around six times longer than it needed to be. We almost have to watch every moment of the dog drinking a bowl of milk she pours for it.  The woman’s voice was dubbed in post, and neither the voice nor the physical acting is any good.  The sequence is supposed to take place in the middle of the night, but was clearly filmed at high noon, reaching Attack of the The Eye Creatures levels of not giving a shit in having the sun appear in several shots, standing in for the moon!  The actual attack happens off screen, because the film-makers could not afford effects.

Then this part ends, and we realize that what we just saw was supposed to be a clip from a horror film that the professor was showing his students.  This provides a fleeting moment of hope, as we think perhaps its overwhelming badness was intended as parody. No such luck.  We then move into the two loggers getting stalked and killed by bigfoot.  The monster costume is different, but this piece is identical in anti-quality to the zombie scene.  The film-makers were just morons, and these mistakes continue throughout the entire ninety-minute run time.

It’s actually astonishing that the movie is so consistent in its incompetence, because we are in fact watching two different films here. Curse of Bigfoot has a backstory similar to that of They Saved Hitler’s Brain, in that somebody in the fifties made a short movie and somebody else, years later, added useless filler to expand it into something they could show in a late-night TV slot. They Saved Hitler’s Brain feels very bifurcated, the new material being both narratively and stylistically different from Madmen of Mandoras.  But if you didn’t know that Curse of Bigfoot was twenty minutes of extra film sewn onto a 1963 movie called Teenagers Battle the Thing, you might not immediately notice.

If you’ve been following this blog for a while you’ll probably remember that I thought Madmen of Mandoras was a significantly better movie than They Saved Hitler’s Brain (even if it still was definitely not a good movie) – the added footage was distracting and pointless.  These two films, however, I would say are about equally awful.  The footage added to Curse of Bigfoot is still pointless, but it looks exactly like what was originally shot for Teenagers Battle the Thing, the only noticeable difference being a slight change in the film stock! Both are depressingly earth-toned movies in which it takes for-fucking-ever for anything to happen, with night scenes shot in the blazing daylight, and lines dubbed in by bad voice actors over bad physical performances. Both feature shitty monster suits and every possible cost-cutting measure.

This leads me to wonder whether Curse of Bigfoot might be terrible on purpose.  The people tasked with turning Teenagers Battle the Thing into a full-length movie got a couple of the actors back to play their older selves in the added footage.  Making stuff match was clearly on their minds.  Could they have actually thought things like, “we’d better use the wrong filter for this, or it won’t be as bad as the day-for-night in the original footage!” or “we need to pad this attack a bit, to match the pace!”?  If so… I don’t know whether to be impressed, or just to crawl under the bed and cry.

On the other hand, Curse of Bigfoot does at least try to do one thing better than Teenagers Battle the Thing – it wants to have something to say.  It spells this thesis out for us in the opening narration and in the professor’s speech about horror movies: our society has forgotten about monsters.

We in the twenty-first century don’t spent much time thinking about monsters unless we happen to be film-makers, political commentators, or maybe paleontologists trying to figure out what the fuck this bugger is.  It wasn’t so long ago, however, that they were very real to many people.  Archaeological evidence suggests that people in New England believed in vampires as recently as the 1820s.  Nowadays, monsters have been taking out of the ‘scary’ category and placed in the ‘fun’ one, and so when people report things like bigfoot or a sea serpent, we don’t take them very seriously.

Bigfoot, sea monsters, and vampires don’t really exist, obviously, but in losing our fear of monsters we may have lost a proper respect for nature.  Every so often the newspapers in my city carry a story of some tourist who tried to get a better selfie with a grizzly bear and got mauled.  We are so used to thinking that we have tamed nature, that there are no monsters left, that we don’t recognize danger when we’re confronted with it.  This certainly seems to be a theme of the stories we’re presented with in Curse of Bigfoot: it never occurs to the woman in the opening that her barking dog may be trying to warn her of danger, or to the two loggers that the mysterious figure in the woods might mean them harm.

The party of archaeology students certainly don’t think they’re heading into any danger, despite the fact that they repeatedly do dangerous things.  A group of them climb to the top of a cliff to see where a fallen stone came from, and never worry about falling.  When they pry open the tomb entrance, the strange smoke that wafts out might be considered a warning sign, but they ignore it.  They head right into this dark hole without any worries about rodents, rattlesnakes, or cave collapses.  When one character warns the others that the mummy has just moved, they laugh it off. A couple go for a walk through the dark woods at night to get to a vending machine, without a second thought.

Lest you think I’m in any way praising this movie, I’m not – I just like my reviews to be at least a certain length, so sometimes I really dig for material.  This was a dig on the level of saying The Incredible Melting Man is about how we treat the elderly.  My high school English teacher might buy it, but I doubt anyone else would.

One thing I do wonder is why they chose to reframe this as a bigfoot movie.  The footage from Teenagers Battle the Thing makes it very clear that this is a mummy movie, although they couldn’t afford any of the genre’s traditional accessories.  Instead of a museum and a treasure, we get one cabin in the woods and… that’s all. When the characters talk about the situation, they always describe the monster as a mummy, and even when they theorize that it’s the product of a lost civilization, the idea that it may not be human never crosses their minds.  It is not particularly tall.  It is not remarkably hairy.  It looks nothing like the bigfoot the two loggers saw, although it does somewhat resemble the zombie from the opening.  Why the man telling the story decided this being must be bigfoot is an absolute mystery.

The only thing I can come up with as an explanation is that bigfoot movies were popular in the 1970s.  Having seen a number of these, I can’t say I find them particularly inspiring.

Curse of Bigfoot is almost incomprehensibly boring, to the point where I’m not sure MST3K could have done much with it if they had featured it.  In the opening sequence it takes forever for the woman to be attacked and then we don’t see it.  In the logger sequence it takes forever for the guy to be attacked and then we don’t see it.  And in the main plot it takes forever for anyone to be attacked and then we don’t see it! The only attack we see is when the mummy attacks the sheriff at the climax and that really, really wasn’t worth the wait.

Congratulations, Jackie Neyman Jones – you managed to be in a movie worse than Manos.

[system-of-a-feather]

So, for your inner world questions, if this is something you feel comfortable talking about- please do not feel pressured into answering this if you are not comfortable, how does Ray maintain it? I have seen a couple people talking about maintaining their inner world and I got a little curious. Does that mean just being in charge? Or keeping it accessible? Sorry if this is a silly question! Also, what is your favorite part of it?

I was a bit excited to hear this question. To be honest, I am usually not the most chatty of an individual, but I had been feeling a lot not like myself for a few days and yesterday was the first day in a while I felt like me and honestly being a gatekeeper and my work is something I take a lot of pride and identity with. It is one of the things that makes me comfortable and proud to be myself, plus it is a bit fun in it’s own way so talking about it sounded like something that would be enjoyable particularly with how limited experience-focused topics there are on it.

[[Anyhow, important disclaimer; this is entirely personal experience based and hardly based on any reading or anything beyond general themes and concepts of how trauma is handled in children and how escapism and similar shit works. I very strongly - as part of my job in fact - do not rely much on understanding our system’s condition and our life through written papers, research, and/or what “is and isn’t” possible or “how things should work.” I do take them into consideration with interpretting our life and our system and how to heal and they play a large role, but when it comes to understanding our experiences and symptoms, I often find comparing and restricting ourselves to “written work” is not going to do any good other than perpetuate a sense of denial and “I am faking it.”

My place in the system and how I manage everything as a gatekeeper hinges and has an important place on seeing our experiences as they are and coming to understand what they mean. As a result, when I talk about anything regarding our system, how the inner world works, and how trauma works - it is all my perspective and opinion from the genuine experiences we have had. If they are “wrong” or not how things work or don’t apply to all if most systems, then so be it, this is just a sharing of our personal experiences.]]

So anyways, for some context. Our system has three “gatekeepers” that have varying dynamics of maintence. Lucille is what we call the secondary gatekeeper and doesn’t do much beyond just staying generally consciencous and organized with semantic and important informational memory - it comes with being an academic protector. Another alter in our system is apparently a gatekeeper - though I won’t go into it for them. Then there is me and I am the Primary Gatekeeper and have generally been “shadowing” our old Gatekeeper Mina since I split off back when we were young. About a year or so I picked up the role as Primary Gatekeeper since I came back and found our system “didn’t even know what a gatekeeper was supposed to be like” and “didn’t have one” since Mina had integrated and Lucille hadn’t / still hasn’t gotten to the place with that integration to have the experience and skill set to handle playing the previously missing role.

From what I understand maintaining the inner world is broken down into a few key things. 1) What is going on in the inner world / with the parts 2) Where did this aspect of the inner world / part come from in relation to our life, trauma, etc 3) Why is it depicted and being projected in this manner and what might that imply 4) How can that information be used to increase system stability, increase emotional management, increase potential for healing, and decrease stress / risk / instability. 

In even shorter terms, it is understanding where the trauma is interpreted and projected into the inner world, how and why it is projected that way, and finding out what action should be taken from that. 

In even even shorter terms, it is about being aware.

When I talk about maintaining the inner world, I often mean I am either 1) exploring and trying to understand the innate nature of the inner world and how it connects with our trauma / history / memory 2) checking in on parts and seeing how they are doing and getting a proper reading for what their affect / stability is and connecting that to the status of our life and our history and just trying to understand how their current state is being affected by the past and how the past is currently affecting them now 3) Going through “files” and trying to catch up on information to try to connect dots 4) Checking in on inaccessible parts of the inner world that others can’t to make sure things are still as they are.

More often than not, I work within 1 or 2 as our inner world is very large and has a lot of interpretational room and 2 because our system is a mess that can’t take care of themselves and notice how trauma is affecting them half the time until after the affect. Often I have to keep an eye out for all the parts to try to keep information that doesn’t need to be there away and/or to tell parts when I know they are being overwhelmed by trauma / emotions / mental health issues to “kindly sit the fuck down and take a break”.

I’ve made a post about it before, but part of my role as gatekeeper and maintaining the inner world is to tell parts to go on mandatory breaks becuase I can see that they are not coping properly / well and are deteriorating due to whatever is going on in their life. The point of these breaks is to remove all sense of responsibility and duty until the part can relax and sort themselves out and jump back into the system / game refreshed and with a fresh mind. 

Additionally, part of maintaining the inner world is knowing what and why everything is where it is and working to expand that. By nature it is also about controlling how much of that information is explained to other parts and what isn’t as well as being an advisor. 

Compared to other parts, with how much time I spend focused on understanding our full story and how everything plays in with one another, I have the largest view of the “whole picture” and when it comes to decision making, it is important to be as objective of a voice as possible within discussions and trying to come give an explanation to how a situation should be handled from the largest expansive knowledge without giving out information that doesn’t need to be known.

It is a bit of a long ramble I guess with a lot of parts since there is a lot that goes into “maintaining the inner world” in my experience but it is a warped term for “promoting stability through the inner world.”

Also - by nature, compared to other parts, I walk this line between fully understanding that this is an elaborate coping mechanism used to personify a lot of complex and confusing aspects of a single person who has been through too much and that by nature, I have to keep that in mind - but also as an alter with a very firm sense of self, individuality, and relationships with the other parts that find the inner world very realistic; have to keep in mind that while it is an elaborate coping mechanism the experiences are very real and valid and should be respected to a good degree as they are felt.

I personally don’t feel pushing the system to digest the idea that we are all REALLY one person (we do like to say we are parts of a whole, but don’t like to think about the fact that we really are one person with an extreme coping mechanism) is anything important that our system currently needs to deal with or something that I even want to bother thinking about. 

I function from a place as being an individual part of a system / whole, and while I do recognize and am very aware that we are one singular person with a really complex coping mechanism, I don’t really bother to sit in that too much.

Anyhow, I hope that was an interesting read. I probably forgot to mention somethings that I was planning to say, but ah well.

---

Edit: I just noticed there were other questions. Whoops.

Does that mean just being in charge? Or keeping it accessible?

In a way if you read above. As for the accessibility, I really can’t control that in our inner world actually. Accessibility rights in certain parts of the inner world is something that seems unchangable and out of my control though I am still investigating to see if I can figure that out.

Also, what is your favorite part of it?

My favorite place would call me out in a way that I am not willing to share. With that being said, I would say my second favorite would either be the Abyss - which I like as it is a very mysterious part of the inner world I am still trying to figure it out and it is a terrifying place but I also like it for being as terrifying as it is - or the Cathedral of Rememberance as I’ve named it.

The Cathedral (for short0 is actually a place that I think is new that I might have accidentally created while being mopey a few days ago, but I’ve really taken to it. 

-Ray (Gatekeeper)

[vonlipvig]

Survivor Winners at War Finale Recap

If I think too hard about the fact that I’m finally--after all these years--caught up with Survivor, I’m gonna start crying. Took a pandemic for it to happen, but hey! WatW Finale time!

And what better way to start the finale of the biggest season yet than by reminding us all that we’re in a fUCKING PANDEMIC! That’s right, babey, we’re in Probst’s garage and we got the gang on the Zoom call but we can’t have a reunion because we didn’t pay for Zoom premium so this shit’s gonna get cut off at 40 minutes.

LOOK AT EVERYONE IN THEIR STUPID LITTLE ZOOM SQUARES I’M SO MAD LMAO. Nah, I get why they really couldn’t have a reunion, it would be wayyyy to awkward and just so many things could go wrong if everyone’s relying on their wifi and such...but MAN, what if someone’s pet walked into the shot? WE GOT MEGA ROBBED.

(Also, ok. Who’s not wearing pants? Y’all can’t fool me, lmao. Also wait, do Rob and Amber own two of the same wall hangings? Sophie just said FUCK IT I’LL BE IN THE GARDEN, we stan).

ANYWAY BACK TO THE GAME.

But yeah, we start right with the comeback challenge, at which my friend and I were like “Ok, this is Natalie’s challenge to lose”...and yeah, she won!

DFJHSDKF SAVAGE.

But then again, it was pretty close! She really struggled in some parts because I’m sure the nerves and the pressure of having bought three advantages was really getting to her, but in the end, she got the ball puzzle thing and won her ticket back into the game (thank god it wasn’t Wendell or my mom would have teased me SO HARD).

And remember when this thing started, that I was actually rooting for Nat to win?...Well, yeah, not anymore, really. I just don’t want anyone from the Edge to win, be it Nat or anyone else. I did want her to come back, just...not win the whole thing. Especially Natalie, who was first out. It just...feels weird. I can forgive Chris King of the Edge in his season cause...they’re mostly new players and he did everything he could to be the most deserving person in the end (Like...Gavin or Julie? Nah, Chris won). But in an all winners season? Where so much stuff happened? It just wouldn’t be satisfying, at least for me.

BUT MOVING ON!

Nat starts saying that everyone on the Edge is like “Ooh, Tony’s gonna win! He’s so gonna win!” so she can, y’know...try to get the target off of her and also target the pERSON WHO’S PLAYED A GREAT GAME.

And then...I don’t know why Sarah is so convinced that Natalie doesn’t have an idol when she clearly does. I mean, we only see the edit so who knows...but daaaamn, that’s gonna be costly!

Challenge time, and it’s the “go on different stations to get puzzle pieces and then do the puzzle” one (Also, I just discovered challenges have names...which I will Not learn, whoops). The puzzle, turns out, is the one where they stack little cilinders and build a three tiered tower...the one Michele won in Kaoh Rong. The first thing my friend says is “Oh, Michele’s gonna win this one again cause she remembers”, and I’m like haha good one...

And then Michele does the puzzle faster than everyone and wins it.

KICK IT.

So Tony wants to vote for Denise, or at least split it Denise-Natalie in case Nat has an idol--SHE DOES--but I think Sarah and Ben are just...convinced she doesn’t. Still, the guys have idols for themselves, so...

In TC, Sarah gives a really good talk on gender biases and the double standards that women who play Survivor have to face--and of course in real life as well--, and I thought that was a very honest, very powerful thing (and yEAH maybe I was snapping my fingers along, she fucking SAID IT).

AND WE GET BIG ALLY BEN WITH HIS “we should respect women because they’re our mothers and daughters” I’M DKJDFHKDJ

he’s a little bit confused but he’s got the spirit alright, king of feminism let’s go (i’m obviously joking, his heart was very much in the right place, it just seemed like baby’s first feminism dfkjdfkj).

So they vote, and then IT’S IDOL TIME, BABEY. Nat plays it for herself--and Tony goes TOLD YOU SO--, then Tony plays his and Ben also plays his. The votes end up being for Ben and Nat, so no votes, so the four that are safe have to pick between Denise and Sarah, and if they tie, the girls go to a firemaking challenge.

In the end, everyone votes for Denise, which I guess yeah, cause Nat did want to work with Sarah, so yeah. Bye, Da Knees :(

At night, Tony makes a fucking pORTABLE FIRE TORCH to go look for the idol (and I bet he had the firefighter crew right behind him cause YOU’RE GONNA BURN DOWN FIJI OH GOD NO), but he can’t find it, and it’s Natalie that eventually finds the new idol!

Tony ends up winning the next immunity challenge (ok, challenge beast!), so you know what happens when he is safe...IT’S TONY TIME, IT’S SPY NEST TIME.

So Sarah goes with Nat to talk under the Spy Nest...and what the fuck Natalie has her idol in her buff around her wrist?

BRO I’M SO CONFUSED why would she not bury it somewhere safe wtf. So yeah, Sarah and Tony find out, and because they can’t split the votes, they have to decide who to vote for, either Nat or Michele, probably Michele since Nat would probably protect herself. And if they’re wrong, Ben’s out.

AND HERE’S WERE MAGIC HAPPENS. Ben...gives Sarah permission to vote for him. He tells her her speech moved him, and that that way nobody will be able to say that Tony dragged her to the end.

And holy shit.

And there’s plenty to say here about this. I think mostly this proves that Sarah is such a good player, especially when it comes to building genuine relationships. Like, this seems absolutely sincere, they really do seem like they’ve become friends, and to get someone to like you enough that they’ll give you permission to vote them off? That’s REALLY impressive.

Also I don’t think he “quit”, per se. I think it’s kinda like a “half-Ian”, for the Palau fans out here (me). He’s still gonna vote for Michele, Sarah’s still free to do whatever, the game is still on. But he’s saying “if this happens, hey I get it and I’ll still vote for you in the end cause I think you deserve it” and...wow, props to Sarah.

And in the end, that’s what happens, she does want to make a Move and she does vote for Ben. Wow.

Then it’s final challenge time, the “catch the balls one handed” one...and it’s Natalie that wins it! So...the Edge person is in the F3, interesting how this is gonna go.

Nat ends up picking Michele to go to FTC with her, and it’s up to Sarah and Tony to battle it out in the firemaking challenge. And OH MY GOD THIS WAS TENSE AS HELL. I confess I did want Tony and Sarah in F3, I think that would have been so epic...but it just felt right somehow for them to battle here. AND GOD I HAD NO IDEA WHAT HAS HAPPENING, ONE MOMENT SARAH WAS WINNING, THE OTHER HER FLAME WAS OUT AND THEN TONY WINS.

Hey, they might be cops irl but they are such a legendary duo in Survivor, I definitely got a bit choked up here. What a moment.

Aaaaaand here’s the moment my friend and I went “Yeah, Tony’s got this”. My friend was saying “Natalie should have done a Chris and go up to Tony herself”, and...yeah, yeah maybe. Or maybe Michele could have beaten Tony? It did seem so from the edit, but I bet Nat didn’t wanna go with both Tony AND Sarah so she picked Michele. Either way...yeah.

Granted, Nat had been with all the Edge people for so long, plus she did play the complete opposite of Tony’s game...but to my eyes, it was kind of clear Tony was gonna win.

...and win he did!

(Can I just say that this was so awkward? sdfkjhdsk I was doing the cheering noices because it was so weird without the live audience lmao).

But yeah, oh my god what a season! I’m actually super happy that Tony won, because HE 100% DESERVED IT HOLY SHIT. He played such a good game and he managed to tone it down at first so they wouldn’t go after him but then went FULL TONY and STILL managed to avoid votes and DAMN! (Also, I’m happy an Edge person didn’t win. Can we retire EoE/RI now, please?)

And as they say...that was that. It is still so surreal that I’ve watched all of Survivor (Ok, there’s still Int. Survivor, but STILL). It was such a rollercoaster, and being able to enjoy this last season with my friend (WHO WAITED FOR SO LONG FOR ME TO CATCH UP OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU) was an amazing moment that I’ll cherish forever.

Now to watch the Ponderosa vids!

[beautifulletdownfics]

Twenty Good Reasons :: Part One

Hello!  Welcome to the ‘Someday, Someday’ sequel! I hope you’ll enjoy your time here!  Before you start, make sure you check out the Harry & Nina Chronology page to catch up on a few of the drabbles and novellas that slot in the gap between ‘Someday, Someday’ and ‘Twenty Good Reasons’. As always, please don’t be strangers, posting into the void is a terrifying thing! Love K x

+++

I wrote a symphony.

I had written a symphony and tonight I was conducting the London Symphony Orchestra in what would be my professional debut as a composer and conductor. London’s Royal Albert Hall was sold out, a fact I sincerely wished the Director of Music kept to himself. I tried not to think about the magnitude of the opportunity I had tonight to disappoint, to not live up to what was expected of me.

The conductor’s suite was cold and quiet around me, and with no instrument to tune to keep my hands busy, I was flipping through a five-year-old edition of Hello Magazine. My eyes stared at the clock on the wall, not taking in any of the dated royal gossip or reality star news, it was an odd juxtaposition really—London’s premier music venue housing a copy of the gossip rag from the pits of hell.

Months of tension and trying to sleep through the noise of dozens of melodies simultaneously rolling through my thoughts at once had finally dissipated into an unsettling silence. The notes weren’t fluid anymore, they were set, and a seventy piece orchestra knew the movements backwards and forwards.

It was anti-climatic in the sense that the worry and stress didn’t end, they just became centred in a different place. Instead of biting my nails over crescendos and harmonies, I was in the middle of an even more terrifying process of considering how it all might sound to the thousands of people above me, being ushered to their seats.

I picked at the sequinned hem of my dress and wondered what the heck I was supposed to do tomorrow.

Tomorrow—when I wasn’t writing and rewriting the movements anymore—when what felt like my life’s work was out there, and I couldn’t hide it way anymore. Did I just wake up as usual, walk to the cafe down the street and order a latte? Sit at a window seat, and one by one delete all the notes and voice memos on my phone from the last twelve months of writing? Did I immediately start work on a follow-up? Would anybody want a follow up from me?

I suddenly wished more than anything that I was in the green room with my peers warming up my horn for any typical performance. Knowing I was going to walk out on stage after they did made my stomach hollow out.

My phone started vibrating from its spot on the vanity in the corner, and when I got to it, I stood over it for a little while, looking at Harry’s name flash up on the screen with a call. After three years my instinct was to reach out to Harry whenever I felt like this; like I wasn’t in control of how time was moving, and I wasn’t sure how to reach back into my life and be present. My fingers itched to answer his call, to hear his voice and be comforted by whatever lovely and motivating things he would say.

But I couldn’t. I’d fall apart if I heard Harry's voice tonight because he wasn’t here. He wasn’t here, and that something I was completely unprepared for.

It wasn’t anybody’s fault, not really.

If anything the fact Harry couldn’t be here was because of me. Harry planned his Asian touring dates around when my debut was supposed to take place, a few weeks from now. A month ago I played tonight’s suites in full to the orchestra board and directors, and they decided they wanted to move everything forward, opening the season with my debut instead of having it in the middle of the season.

It was a promotion for my work, and it was a huge show of faith and support from my community. But it meant Harry had shows with tickets already sold and there was no good way of telling fans in four cities they were going to be refunded or offered tickets for alternate dates. Particularly when Harry’s picture was sure to show up in London somewhere, and it would be plainly obvious he cancelled shows to see his girlfriend.

A text flashed up on my phone.

Harry: I love you. You’re going to be fantastic. Remember to breathe. x

It was sweet of him to text, he would know more than anyone how I was feeling. I didn’t have it in me to do the time conversion to where he was at the moment. He was right in the middle of the Asian leg. I tried my best to swallow my sadness down—I knew Harry wasn’t choosing to miss this.

After finding out tonight’s performance was going to be so much earlier than I had expected the time flew by quickly as I went through all the rigours of finalising the score and then rehearsing it with the orchestra. It had been four weeks of early mornings and late nights, fielding questions from players and getting it up to performance standard. Harry was a saint for dealing will all my teary FaceTime calls and the almost daily texts about giving up.

I tried not to overthink how wrong it felt knowing Harry wouldn’t be there afterwards to celebrate with my family and friends. All the late nights I spent with Harry pouring over my compositions trying to find the notes that were out of place and to then not have him sitting in the audience the first time it was played—and my first time conducting a professional orchestra … It felt like I was being robbed of something.

He was the perfect helper over the twelve months the symphony took to write. Some parts happened quickly, and others were hard-won, with dozens of edits and reprises. Harry was the best second set of ears I could have asked for. He learned over the years how music was put together, and when I was pathetic and frustrated in the middle of the night, he spoke my language in calm, loving perfection.

I had my dad to be my critical, technical sounding board, and my boyfriend to be the ever encouraging, soft set of hands I needed when it all felt hopeless. Harry knew when to push me to keep going, and when to pull me from the room and distract my mind with something else.

I missed him.

Harry and I hadn’t spent more than 72 hours together in four months. There were a handful of weekend visits—most notably my twenty-fourth birthday we spent in Copenhagen—and three days quite recently spending Christmas with our families ... But beyond that, Harry and I were doing long distance, the end in sight but too far away to be a real comfort yet.

In some ways, the four months apart seemed to had passed exceptionally quickly, but in others—mainly the ones that seemed to carry the most weight—it was as if time had slowed to twice it’s speed and filling the extra space was all the time I spent missing him.

I spent half my days hating technology—hating talking through a phone with typed or faceless words, and hating early mornings on Skype where a 2D depiction of Harry could only soothe so far—and the rest of the days clutching my phone like a lifeline, praising the 21st century for its ability to connect to people on opposite sides of the planet.

We made it work, which was a line I’d stolen from Harry in interviews over the years. But it was true, nonetheless. Sometimes it felt overly simplistic, but there was a simple truth to it that I liked.

Today though, I had vowed to be happy even in his absence.

“Ten-minute call,” My eyes snapped to the PA system in the corner, and I let out a long stream of breath.

It was time.

+++

I held my baton tightly in front of me, shaking from the adrenalin.

I deliberately avoided looking to where I knew my family and friends were sitting when the house lights were turned on.

The applause was almost deafening and completely overwhelming. I held up my arm to the orchestra, diverting the praise of the audience to the players behind me. They had done spectacularly, and once my heart was done exploding from my chest, and I came down off all my nerves, I would be able to adequately comprehend it all.

The applause started quietening down as the Director of Music, Ian, walked out to join me on stage, a handheld microphone in his hand. He kissed my cheek and gave me a warm hug, calling for another round of applause for me that I awkwardly stood through. I recalled our conversation eighteen months ago, where he encouraged me to do this, to challenge myself.

There was a loud whoop from behind me, and I laughed when the horns section was on their feet cheering me from their positions. They were my closest allies in the orchestra and they’d more than earned their stripes tonight. I gave them a little bow and turned back to the front.

“Ladies and gentlemen, our very own Maestro Nina Lawrence,” Ian said into the microphone, smiling through the distinguished term that I definitely hadn't earned yet, “I am sure this is only the beginning of what we will see from you,” He smiled at me.

There were a few more moments on stage before he led me off, the orchestra following close behind me. I sat on the first seat I found in the wings, tilting my feet back onto my heels and dragging my hands through my hair.

“Ni-na!” My name was called out as the players spilled into the green room, a body pressed up next to me, and someone grabbed my arm, “You’re fucking brilliant!”

I smiled up at one of the trumpet players, “Thank you. I feel like I’m about to combust.”

Somebody shouted for a toast, and I watched, completely surprised, by the arrival of trays of flutes of champagne. By the time all the officials and board members had given their own motivational, encouraging addresses, congratulating me and everyone for all their hard work, nearly all my family had snuck in. Friends too were now making faces at me from across the room where they all stood near the door.

When everyone broke apart, I made a beeline for them, asking one of the venue wait staff to follow me with a  tray of drinks. My shoulders hurt by the time I was finished getting hugs from everyone, some tearier than others, my dad the teariest of all. My cousins and my childhood best friends mingling with friends from the orchestra and my life with Harry in a way that overwhelmed me with a sense of belonging to a powerful group of people. Finally, I tucked myself under Rodger’s arm for a touch of respite from the limelight, my back almost touching the wall behind us as he chatted to Laykn and Max.

“None of those sad eyes today, alright?” Rodger turned his head down to the side of my face and spoke under his breath.

“Shhh,” I squeezed his fingers near my shoulder as I took a deep breath and tried to swallow against the tight feeling pressing against my throat, “I’m not sad.”

“Nina,” He chuckled, “You’re inches off looking like you’re attending a funeral.”

“That’s not true!” I argued feebly, chancing a look at him and giving him wide eyes like that might convince him. As Rodger didn’t know me better than almost anybody else.

“It is,” Rodger bit back, smiling at my mother who turned around when my old flatmate failed to whisper quietly enough, she gave us a concerned look but went back to chatting to a friend of our father’s, “And Harry would be so upset if he knew he was ruining this for you,” Rodger’s voice was softer now, “I know this is worse for him. Everyone you love is celebrating with you today, and he’s literally one of the furthest places on earth from you that he could possibly be.”

“It’s not his fault,” I said quietly, looking at my nails and picking at a loose bit of skin I’d been biting all week.

“No, it’s not,” Rodger agreed, resting his head on the crown of my head slowly in warm affection, “But he’s watched you work so hard for this for years, Nina … I know he’d be distraught if he thought you were going to be sad all day because he can’t be here.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, “You know it, do you?”

Rodger halted for half a second and then I felt him shrug against me, “He might’ve sent me one of his perfectly punctuated text messages last night instructing me to kick you up the arse if you started looking weepy.”

Something pinched at my heart at Harry’s pro-active concern, “I can’t believe he’d describe me as ‘weepy’,” I huffed, knowing that was precisely the word my boyfriend would use.

“This isn’t about him, this is your night.”

The thing was that my friend was so right about what Harry’s reaction would be to my outwardly missing him today. Harry had lectured me numerous times this week.

When my family and friends followed me back to the conductor’s suite for one more champagne before the celebratory dinner my parents had insisted on organising, I was unable to not still feel disconnected somehow. There was relief though, and an astronomical sense of achievement and satisfaction, and for the first time all day, I felt caught up in the happiness of it all.

The room felt far bigger when I was in here alone before the performance, it was much nicer crammed with my loved ones, all lightly teasing and bullying me. It was loving, and I could read the pride on their faces. I got extra hugs from both my parents and from aunt Anne and my uncle Ted. The cousins and my brother were out in full force—Martin refused to stop filming me and asking mock, documentary-style questions, Josh and Ben didn’t stop trying to make me re-enact walking across the stage. And Oliver was doing impressions of me, waving my baton around and tugging on the lapels of the new suit he got for his tenth birthday.

My dad was holding his phone up taking photos the whole time, managing to wrangle us all together into the groups he wanted. I felt like I’d had an individual photo with everyone a hundred times over.

“It’s the middle of the night in Tokyo,” Laykn draped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side, letting me take a sip of his warm champagne. He knew me well enough to know I had checked my phone a few too many times.

I just wanted to hear from Harry.

“I know,” I sighed, “Sorry.”

“Nah,” My younger brother dismissed, “It’s alright. You miss him, that’s okay. Maybe it means you’ll be nice and let me eat your fries at dinner.”

“Ha, fat chance,” I told him. “And I’m not sure this is a fries kind of place.”

Laykn looked at me playfully down his nose, his fingers darting about pocking his tie back through the gaps in his shirt,  “It’s a rich people’s place, Nina. They’ll make you whatever you want as long as the booking name is under Harry Styles.”

I punched Laykn in the arm, and he laughed loudly, “You’re a jerk. Mum and dad organised dinner.”

“I think Harry pulled some strings,” Laykn teased, “And don’t kid yourself, I’m your favourite jerk,” He amended quickly.

“Yeah, whatever,” I agreed, “I’m going to go find the bathroom,” I whispered right into his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek before slipping out of the room.

I waited until I was in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet with the lid down before I unlocked my phone again. I checked any of the places communication from Harry might’ve come from, but then when all my email and messaging apps were coming up blank, I had to fight off the disappointment without tearing up.

I knew that it was still essentially nighttime in Japan where he was, but that didn't stop my heart breaking a little at the fact I’d just lived out one of the biggest days in my life while Harry slept. It had been a big day for me, and although I handled days like this a lot better than I might’ve when we were first dating, knowing that Harry was at least awake at the same time was more comforting than I’d care to admit.

After taking a few moments to actually use the facilities, I gave myself one final pep talk in the vast, softly lit mirror before readjusting my dress and mentally preparing myself for what I knew would be a boisterous dinner.

I walked out of the restrooms, flipping my phone over in my hands and concentrating on taking a few deep, filling breaths. The bare concrete walls of the backstage tunnels were marked up with dozens of scrapes and a patchwork of different staging tape. It was chilly too, and I told myself to put my coat on when I got back to everyone, we needed to leave for dinner soon.

“Hey pretty lady," I heard just behind me, my peripheral catching just the slightest movement of someone off the wall.

He smiled when I turned back to face him.

The light glistening in his eyes was the first thing I noticed. But my heart started racing, and my legs were moving before I could really think what was happening, all I knew was that the string connecting my heart to my tear ducts was tugging wildly.

Harry.

He was standing wearing a beautifully tailored pair of high waisted black suit pants, a soft white tee and double-breasted black blazer. I was sure my mouth was hanging open as wide as it felt my heart was busting open in my chest, “Harry!”

"Surprise," He giggled out, bending his neck down slightly when I opened up my arms and reached towards him on my tippy toes, folding my arms up over his shoulders. His arms crossed at the small of my back, and all the air left my lungs when he pulled me against him tightly. “Kept me waiting out here long enough, I didn’t want to make you cry in front of everyone.”

"I hate you," I whined through the shock, but my throat was clogged up with the tears that had already started escaping my eyes. “You’ve been here the whole time? When did you arrive?”

“A few hours beforehand … Tried calling you when we got here though,” He mumbled into my neck, “I was regretting not telling you I was coming because I knew your nerves would be killing you, but you didn’t answer.”

“I knew I’d cry if I spoke to you, I just wanted you here.” “Well, I was here,” He laughed, “And you were fucking phenomenal. I cried like a baby.”

“You’re here!”

Harry's grip on me tightened, and he stood up a little, pulling me with his body, “I am. You look beautiful."

“You haven't seen me in four months," I sniffed, turning my head to press my nose into his neck.

"God, don't I know it," Harry moved his hands up my back and settled them on my shoulders, "Fuck, why do I do this to myself? You're an angel," He pulled back and leaned down to kiss me.

Our lips were hopeless at staying together, even though we hadn’t kissed in months and months. The emotions were catching up with me, and I struggled to settle anywhere between laughing and sniffing back my tears. Harry’s lips turned up into a smile and he pulled my forehead against his, watching through amused, wetted eyes as I tried to keep myself from bawling.

“You’re useless,” He laughed, sniffing away his own emotions when I traced my fingers under his eyes to catch the tears.

“What are you doing here,” I asked, squeezing my eyes shut and moving up again to press my cheek against Harry’s in a desperate attempt to feel closer. “You’re in Japan.”

“I’m not in Japan,” He said softly, “I’m here for you. No one’s as proud of you as I am, Nina, you’ve worked so hard for this.”

“Stop,” I groaned, embarrassed.

“It’s true,” He defended seriously, “You’ve got more talent than anyone I know, and you work harder than everyone else as well. The performance was astounding, you had the whole room captivated. Your work is beautiful and you should be so proud. I’m so proud.”

“Stop,” I interjected.

“It’s true,” Harry swallowed thickly, “You’re always working towards getting better and being better, and you’re constantly creating something completely brilliant that half the time I don’t understand until you stop and baby it down for me … You’re incredible, and I’m so proud of you, my Maestro.”

I felt myself blush, having heard Harry sprout out that affectionate declaration many times before.

“Did everyone know?” I asked, still holding him tight.

“That I was coming?” His chest moved against mine in a few small chuckles after I nodded against him, “Yeah.”

“All of them?” I thought of my whole family and all my friends sitting waiting for me to return from the bathroom.

“Every last, stinking one,” Harry said in what he thought was an endearing Dennis the Menace impression. I pulled back and smiled as I looked up and watched him continue, “There was no way on earth I wasn’t going to be here for this. No fucking way.”

“Seriously,” I shook my head and swallowed back another lot of tears, “You can’t be here right now, you’re in the middle of tour, and you’ve got shows every—“

“Shhh,” Harry took my lips between his again for a few seconds, “Don’t worry about any of that, you think I wouldn’t move mountains to be here? I’m here.”

I smiled and let the tears escape this time, “I love you.”

Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “I love you, too.”

I settled back down into my heels and shook my head, "I can't believe it. This morning I woke up thinking there was still three weeks before I'd see you ... And now ..."

He grinned, "I pulled off the perfect surprise then. C'mon, your brother has been texting me for the last twenty minutes about how hungry he is. Impatient little git, isn't he?"

I rolled my eyes and let Harry arrange our fingers together in a tight hold, ”He's famished apparently.”

Harry’s lips pressed into the hair just above my ear before he stood up straighter and slowly took a step forward. I let him lead me along for a few steps before overwhelming happiness overcame me, and I skipped ahead to tuck myself under his arm snugly.

"I love you, Harry Styles,” I told him quietly, ducking my head when we came to a junction where the greenrooms met the holding room, “Thank you so much for coming.”

There was a small tug on my hand and then Harry stopped walking, looking down at me curiously he tilted his head to one side, “You’re welcome, but I hope you realise coming was less than altruistic of me … I’ve been pretty desperate to see you as well, Neens.”

“‘Cause I’m your favourite person?” I said, grinning when Harry’s thumb dug into my side.

“Damn straight, you are,” He nodded, hooking his hand around my neck and leading my lips up to his.

I shut my eyes and let the kiss be led by Harry. He kept it slow, dragging his lips up to my temple and resting them there for a moment.

“Your family will think I’ve kidnapped you,” Harry said slowly as he wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed once before letting me go again and starting to walk. “And I’m starving as well, let’s go, yeah?”

I latched both my hands over one of Harry’s and manoeuvred us quickly back to where everyone was. There was a room full of happy faces when we finally got there, together, and I shrunk into Harry’s side shyly at the stupid catcalls from them all. Georgie held her phone up recording the moment with the promise of sending me the ‘adorable’ photos later. Laykn muttered something about it being ‘about bloody time', Harry beamed though, kissing me firmly in front of everyone.

+++

It was sweet relief to finally be in the back of a cab pressed neatly beside Harry on the way to dinner. I dropped my head to his shoulder sleepily even though I knew we were only a few blocks from where the Langham was.

Harry quickly greeted the driver and said the name of the street we needed before he turned covered my thigh with his palm and massaged it slowly, “Do you think we should get a pet?”

“A pet?” I asked, completely surprised by what came out of his mouth.

“Yeah.” “That’s what you're thinking about right now?”

“Been thinking about it for a while,” He misheard my tone. “We should get a pet, don’t you think?

“No, I absolutely do not think,” I challenged him, “Pets are so much work, and you go away all the time and what if I want to come to see you? It’d be annoying for us to have a pet.”

Without looking at him I knew the face he was pulling, all wide-eyed and pouted lip, “But imagine having a little furry bundle of love in our lives, Nina. I think you’ve been very flippant in dismissing what could be the best decision we ever make.”

“Harry.”

“I want a puppy, Nina,” He went on, taking a deep breath and racing through his words like that might convince me,  “A little fluffy one that needs help learning to howl and hates walking on the kitchen tiles. A cockapoo, like Rodger and Adriana’s dog. Doesn’t that sound adorable?”

“Harry, we can’t—

“—I said,” He interrupted, “Doesn’t that sound adorable, Nina? With little paws and that look of love, only dogs can give? And when we’re both away Gem can take it, or Josh.”

“Har—

“—Or Laykn! We can send little Pauper to university with your brother for a few days.”

“Pauper?” I gave Harry a look.

“Great name, hey? I’ve been brainstorming.”

“What makes you think I’d let you call our puppy ‘Pauper’. What a stupid name for a dog.”

Harry smiled widely, “Our puppy, eh?”

I paused, realising my mistake, “Shut up.”

He laughed at me and raised his arm up to rest it around me and pull me against his side, “I’m going to win this, I can tell.”

“You’re really not.” “Am too.”

We rode in silence then, the radio playing softly upfront and the streets of London slipping past us in their usual way. Harry was humming along, and when I eventually turned to look back at him, his eyes were already watching me.

“What?” I asked quickly, sitting up and moving out of his arms.

“Love you, you were fucking incredible up there tonight,” He said quietly, leaning his head back against the seat and not changing his relaxed expression in the slightest. His slight smile only created half dimples in his cheeks, and I found myself entranced by the curl of his eyelashes.

I felt my cheeks heat up immediately, “You’ve got that look.”

His eyes widened a little as his fingers snuck across my lap to reach for my hands, “What look is that?”

“The one where you’re secretly imagining me naked,” I said bluntly.

“Ha!” Harry didn’t hide his amusement at all, letting out one loud sound and then falling into an adorable bout of silent laughter, he leant forward and placed a hot kiss to the shell of my ear, “Well, it’s not a secret anymore, is it?”

“Harry!” I smacked him in the chest with my free hand which he quickly grabbed at and held in place.

“The best part is that now you’re imaging me naked,” Harry hummed out lightly.

Before any more could be said, the car was stopping, which had Harry kicking open the door and pulling me out with him. I stood for a second and waited for him to take my hand, leading me up the front steps and straight to the reception of the restaurant.

Inside everyone was already seated, and on their first drinks, I walked around the table and greeted everyone individually. We had a round table in a vast, impeccably styled private dining room. Two seats had been left free for Harry and me, he took the spot next to my dad, and I lowered myself into the place next to my mum.

It was the first time all day I actually felt relaxed. I sat back in my chair and let the pain in my feet ease. The boys were all challenging each other to different meals, making up anything that was in a different language and then convincing Oliver anything foreign would just taste like chicken. Isobel, Georgie and Sam were asking Harry about Japan, listing off a particular liquor they wanted him to bring back for the next time we drank together.

Everyone took far too long deciding what to eat and then even longer actually getting through all the food that arrived. Harry told me he slept through the food on the plane over and was much hungrier than even he knew. I let him take from my plate much to Laykn’s dismay.

“Happy?” My mum leaned over and put her arm around my shoulder for a quick hug, whispering and then watching my reaction with a massive smile on her face.

I pulled Harry, and I’s joined hands over onto my lap like he might disappear if he wasn’t as close as I could get him, “Yeah,” I replied, “Perfect.”

“You look happy,” She observed, “And Harry’s got his dopey face on.”

I laughed and looked back over to my boyfriend who was blushing at something Josh and Martin were teasing him about, “Do you know how long he’s got or …”

When I turned back around to face her, there had been a definite fall in her features, “Nina … He just got here, why don’t you—“

“—I know,” I cut her off, “I know. Harry isn’t meant to be here at all, who cares how long he can stay, right?”

She gave me a small smile and a kiss on my cheek just before I was pulled into defending Harry against whatever he was being attacked for now. Everyone looked happy, though, and I was glad to sit and be taken into whatever conversations I could. It was fun, and it felt almost like it was the holidays, and we all had nothing to do but enjoy each other. I found myself thankful for the occasion in an entirely different way to how I had appreciated it earlier in the day.

Eventually, after an embarrassing dessert experience that involved my receiving a ‘debut cake’, everyone started looking at watches and deciding it was time to end the dinner. Anybody who didn’t live in London had been invited by Harry to stay at our house.

“We’re not going with them,” Harry said to me at the last minute, after the bill was paid and we were all standing out farewelling each other in the foyer.

I looked over at my parents who seemed to already know this information, and everyone else was already loading into Ubers and Cabs.

“We aren’t?”

Harry smiled, “Say goodbye,” He nodded towards my family, and I offered them all a small wave without hiding my confusion.

“Where are we—”

Harry leant down and kissed me quickly, “—I got us a room for the night.”

“Here?” I asked astonished.

He nodded.

My eyes nearly fell out of my head, “Harry! That’s mental! This place is fancy.”

“Yeah,” He changed our positions, so his arm was draped across my shoulders and he started leading me over to the hotel reception, “Well … You’re a gorgeous woman in a beautiful dress, and I ironed this shirt so I’d say we’re pretty fancy. And it’s a celebration … Not to mention the fact we’ve hardly seen each other in four months …”

“Harry,” I warned slowly, feeling myself grow jittery when I saw the glint in his eyes.

He moved his hand down my arm and rested it across the back of my ribcage, fanning out his fingers to reach as high as he could, “I’ve missed you,” Harry whispered in my ear lowly, “And you look bloody stunning, Nina. I didn’t feel much like sharing you with your family at home.”

Home.

That was a concept that I was still getting used to, despite it having been almost a year since I moved all my things in with Harry. Probably because I’d spent most of that time highly stressed about composing, and Harry had been away for so much of it. But still, the fact remained, we lived together now and with that simple fact came a new level of pure intimacy that I relished in. I could only imagine how much better it would feel to have a good chunk of time together there come to the end of the tour for Harry.

“What’re you thinking about? Me naked?” Harry’s voice came right into my ear again.

We were standing at the desk, waiting behind another couple, and Harry moved around to stand tightly behind me, his arm affectionately across my neck.

I looked at him from the side of my eyes, “Just how nice it’ll be to actually live together for an extended period.”

“Hmm,” Harry agreed readily before stepping forward and introducing himself, he turned back to me while we waited for the check-in paperwork, “It will be pleasant.”

“Seriously, how much are you spending on—” I asked, reaching up onto my tippy toes when a piece of paper was placed in front of Harry.

“Oh-oh,” He tutted, plucking it up and shifting, so his back was to me, he smiled at the receptionist, signing his name quickly, “This is perfect, thank you.” She disappeared again, and he turned back to me, I tried not to think about how much whatever extravagant room we were about to stay in would be costing him. Not to mention the cost of him flying out here from Japan in the first place.

I caught a familiar movement over his shoulder and quickly diverted my eyes, “Does it matter if you’re seen here with me?”

Harry frowned, “What do you mean?”

“Someone just took a photo.”

Harry looked back over his shoulder to where I was looking, “Oh,” He turned back to me, “No, it’s okay.”

A keycard was handed over, and Harry profusely thanked the receptionist who pointed us in the direction of the elevators. We walked passed the group where I had seen the photo being taken, Harry gave them a polite little wave with a coolness I know I lacked.

When the doors opened, and we stepped inside, I watched Harry in the mirror as he pressed the for the flood we wanted, “It feels odd not having bags, doesn’t it?”

“Feels sexy,” Harry grinned.

“It feels conspicuous,” I returned.

Harry chuckled, leaning over to kiss my forehead, “I brought some things from home over earlier.”

“Oh.”

“You’re just so cute when you’re worried about silly things, Neens,” He explained.

I was about to rebut when we came to the door for our room. Harry opened it with no hesitation—his years of staying in hotels showing— and he propped open the door for me to walk in ahead of him. I ducked under his arm and hung my evening bag on the back of the door, continuing to where the whole room opened up to an expanse of windows.

My eyes were immediately drawn to the drawing desk by the window. Sitting up in a long, white vase was a dozen white and red roses.

“Harry … What are these?”

“Happy debut,” He said behind me as he pressed his chest to my back and wound his arms around my front, when I looked down he was holding a medium-sized, navy box out in front of me, “This is for you as well.”

I slowly took the box out of his hands and straight away he held them firmly across my stomach. His chin rested on my neck, and he observed as I ran my finger over the engraving on the front.

“Harry Winston,” I read the engraved name, “What on earth—

“Open it,” Harry instructed softly, turning his head to one side to press a kiss to the base of my neck.

The box opened with a satisfying pop sound and it folded out like a flower. Resting in the velvet insert was a beautiful, round pendant necklace.

“Harry, you’re not supposed to get me something.”

“Take out,” He urged, poking the back of my hand with his index finger.

“I don’t want to break it.”

Harry chuckled lightly, “You won’t. Take it out, and we’ll put it on you.”

It turned out that it was quite hard to extract from the box, and in the end, Harry in his own fit of giggles had to pull out the whole lining of the box and work from the underside to get it out. But he managed to get the necklace out and just before he put it on he made me go into the bathroom with him, so I’d be able to see in the mirror.

“Lovely,” He declared once the clasp was secured and the small pendant was resting on my skin. Harry ran his hands down my arms and back up again while I inspected how I looked wearing it.

“It’s absolutely beautiful,” I decided very quickly, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Harry returned, looking very pleased with himself behind me.

The movement of his hands halted for a moment as he bent down a little to kiss the back of my neck gently. It was a soft kiss that sent something delicious all the way down my spine and the back of my legs. He hummed against my skin, and his fingers trailed up to the zip at the top of my dress, carefully dragging it down to pull the two sides apart carefully.

“We’re going to have to hang this up if I’m going to be doing the walk of shame in it tomorrow,” I told him, referring to my dress.

“My girlfriend doesn’t do walks of shame,” Harry corrected with a growl, his hands slow and deliberate in their movements, “I’ve got something for you to wear tomorrow and pyjamas.”

“You have?” I turned around in his arms and was honestly surprised by him being that prepared.

“I do,” He said in a funny, high pitched voice, “What did you think I meant when I said I brought some things over earlier? It’s moments like these it comes out that you don’t think very much of my gentlemanly ways.”

I moved my arms up to rest over his shoulders and pulled myself up onto my tippy toes, “I’m happy to be proved wrong.”

Harry’s eyes went to my lips then, and I knew there wasn’t going to be much more talking. He pulled me against him and started out the kisses slow and sweet, getting me ready for when the four months of not seeing each other took over, and our hands started moving of their own accord.

It didn’t take long before Harry had me lying on my back on the bed, my dress over the back of the nearest chair and Harry’s nice clothes draped over the top of them. From there it was all hushed words of missing each other, and incomprehensible noises that only made the moment hotter and more dizzying.

After three years so much about sex with Harry was better than I ever could’ve imagined. Because he knew me on so many different levels, the physical connection between us was only heightened. And it grew in me some enormous sense of pride to know I was the only one who got Harry curling his toes together and panting against my skin.

He was all mine, and I got every inch of him to myself.

It was well past one in the morning by the time we were lying side by side, and I was finally reflecting on the day as a whole. My stomach was filled with a warm, settled feeling just having Harry next to me in bed again. Sleeping alone had been something I hated getting used to still. Having another, albeit longer, body beside me I was sure was the best end result I never would’ve dared to dream might happen today.

“What time are you setting it for?”

Harry stopped moving his fingers across his phone screen and turned his head my way, “What?”

I made a point of looking where the clock app was open in front of him, “What time are you setting your alarm for?”

“Neens,” He said sadly, not giving me an answer but only giving me a look that said whatever his response would be I wouldn’t like it.

“Harry, what time?” I asked again, moving my head over to rest against his shoulder for a better look at the screen, “Three a.m.?” I readout.

“Nina—

“—Three in the morning! Harry, what the hell kind of insane time is that? You can’t—

I was cut off by Harry rolling onto his side and forcing me into silence with a kiss, “Don’t get upset, Nina. It’s okay.”

I frowned and watched him as he hovered over me, “You’re leaving in the middle of the night?”

“I can’t stay any longer, I’m sorry. I’ve got an interview I can’t miss before tomorrow night’s show.”

My eyes widened in shock, “You’ve got a show tomorrow … Tonight?” I corrected myself.

“The time difference is a bit funky, but basically, yes.”

It dawned on me then that Harry had only had a day and a half off, that he had jumped on a plane after a matinee and had to be back for a show the following evening. That instead of going out to dinner with the crew and then sleeping until midday like I’m sure he needed, he had flown thirteen hours to London to have not even ten hours on the ground before flying back again.

He wouldn’t even see daylight in the UK.

“Why did you come?” I asked in a small voice, feeling tears welling with the guilt that was settling in. He was going to be exhausted for days from crossing all the time zones.

He let out a horrified laugh, “Why did I come?” He repeated, sounding every bit as defensive as I expected him to be, “I came because today was a huge day for you, and because I could, and because I wanted to.”

“You’re going to get sick from being tired and all the travel.”

“I don’t care,” He shook his head and hooked a leg between mine, “I don’t care.”

I pulled his neck down and held him there until he settled most of his weight on top of me in a tight cuddle, “I don’t want you to go so soon,” I sniffed.

Harry’s hands ran up my sides from my hips, settling under my arms and warming the skin below my breasts, “I know. I know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, you idiot, ” I laughed through new tears, “You’re here. You came. You’re too good to me.”

“I love you, Nina Lawrence.”

“I know,” I sighed, containing my emotions slowly.

“I’ll always come when I can.”

“I know.”

++

Well, there’s our intro to Harry & Nina, 3 years later. What did you think? Predictions? 

[silvertaetae]

KTH: New Beginnings {Preview}

Pairing: Vet!Taehyung x College!Reader (and Yuta and the reader used to date :/)

Warnings: Mentions of/ Death, Half of this angst, other is super fluffy, plus a dash of smut, Tae being absolutely whipped because he is, Unprotected Sex (wrap it before you tap it, Kids.) Oral (fem reviving), Some degrading terms, language, Tae’s (scary ass) duality, chocking (because have you seen Tae’s hands?), DoCtOr kIM ;)) , honestly just straight filth, stubborn reader. (and a dog who really wants the magic to happen.)

Summary: (okay hear me out. One: my other summaries all flopped because of...Two: I cant do the summary and not give away some of the story which...I mean I’m still editing so I might just change the whole beginning part, but it’ll be here when the story is published.)

A/N: I just want to let you know. I have two beginnings to this story and still don’t know which one to use. The one you’re reading now is shorter because if I did the other one this preview would be like 8,000 words long ..... whoops. So I don’t know if I’ll use the other one because it’s kind've of descriptive on the relationship of Yuta and Y/N. Also please give me feedback, because this is my first fic and I want it to be great and thank you for taking time out your day to read this (hoooorrrible piece of work.)!!! 💓💓💓💓

“Y/N- Yuta died last night.” Jennie's voice cracked. That was the moment everything stopped. No birds were singing. No cars outside honk their horns rushing to get to work. There was nothing. Nothing, but a static silence that filled the air. Tears slip past your eyes unconsciously.

“What?” You manage to crack out.

“Yuta died in a car crash.” It felt so unreal to hear those words. Not when you could still hear his laugh. When you could still feel his arms around you. When you still remember his smile. His lips. His touch. His voice. His everything. How could he have been gone when you could remember everything so vividly. There was no way. Every moment of the life you had flashed before your eyes. That’s all gone? Then his last words repeat through your head.

‘As if anything could keep me away from you.’

He told you he’d come back. He promised he’d come back.

He promised you.

You still smell his warm vanilla and cinnamon scent. You look down and see his shirt. The shirt he wore last night before changing. Before he went off and lived his final moments. Before he said I love you for the last time.

“Y/N say something.” Jennie tried to read any emotion she could get from you. Heart beating fast, tears brimming, stomach-churning, head pounding. Yuta’s gone?

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” You get up from the table and run to the bathroom, hearing Jennie not that far behind you. You swing the bathroom door open and fall to the floor in front of the toilet. You feel Jennie rub your back and keep your hair from falling. It felt like someone tied bricks to your ankles and left you to die in an overbearing thick sadness. The feeling making you sick to your stomach. You gag and cry and puke and wail. Everything coming out at once. “Fuck! Fuck! I told him-” You swing your head back over the toilet. “- not to go. If I had just-” Your throat burns as you gag. “-if I had just got him to stay. He'd be here. It's my fault.” Your head is back over the toilet. “He’s dead because I couldn't get him to stay! Yuta’s dead because of me!”

“Y/N you didn't do anything wrong. Don't blame yourself. It’s gonna be okay Y/N.” Jennie whispers trying to calm you down.

That was one year ago. You’re now twenty-three years old. It’s been one year without Yuta. One year without hearing his voice. One year without feeling his touch. One year without waking up to him by your side. One year without any of the stupid fights. One year without exchanging ‘I love you’s. One full year without your first love. He had to have a closed-casket funeral. His body and face to destroyed to show. You knew that if you saw the wax figure of Yuta you would be able to control yourself from touching it and crying. It would make you think he was real. That he was still here with you. That he hadn’t left you here, heartbroken. Many people came to his funeral. You met some of his cousins and best friends. You cried with his family and broke down during your speech. The wake was silent and you fought the urge to walk out. You always visit his grave. Make it a requirement to see it at least three times every month, but you always go more than that. You sit there in silence and don’t really think at all. Always bringing him flowers, whenever the one you brought before start to wilt. Still blaming yourself for his death. The first few months were awful, but they were filled with anger. You were enraged at the fact that life continued without him. That people lived their so perfectly as if someone so great hadn’t lost their life. How a world could still function and be okay when he was gone. The rage hit hard, but soon it was gone. The fire that once roared, was put out and left a cold and stagnant body.

Since his death, you’ve been more shut off., as predicted. Your bubbly personality became only a past memory to your time with Yuta. Everything you are is melancholy. Nothing was important. Not food. Not bills. Not even yourself. Life became blander. Falling into a schedule. The most important or disappointing thing, however, is that all the color in your life is now gone. The colorful world around you seemed to be robbed of all the shades of beauty it held before. Now it was only figments of ashy white, gray and black that clouded your visions. No more magic ran through the air bringing the life you once had back. You’d look in the mirror and see nothing. No soul or emotion insight. Eyes hollow and empty. Just an abandoned shell walking around all these people with meaning in their lives. People who haven’t lost a purpose. The only shred of happiness you have left is Cooper, which seem to be fading.

“Hey, Cooper.” He stayed still not even lifting his head. Any other time this would’ve been normal. After Yuta died Cooper would wait for him by the door waiting for an arrival that would never happen. Even though he wasn’t as chipper as he used to be he’d still look up at you whenever you came home from work. “Cooper.” He still didn’t move. “C’ mon now Cooper.” When he still didn't move your stomach dropped. You ran to his side and drop to your knees. His eyes were open and they were following you. You slipped your hand under his chest. He still had a pulse. It was weaker than normal. “No. No. No. Cooper, please get up.” When he didn’t and whimpered you started crying. That’s how you found yourself speeding downtown to get the closest vet clinic you could find. You carried, your now seventy pound, dog crying. “Someone, please! He’s not moving!” You cry out and fight to keep Cooper up.

“Ma’am. What’s wrong?” A receptionist came up to you.

“He’s not moving. He won’t move at all. Please help him. I can’t lose him.” The last part comes out as a whisper.

“Alright. Let me take him.” You don’t want to let go. Last time you let someone you love go they died. Just the mere thought of losing Cooper makes all this pain become so much more real. That was something you weren’t ready for. Thoughts flash and you hold Cooper closer. Walls crumble and you tremble and shake at what was flying through your head. The image of being alone burned into your mind and you Cooper tight. Breath quacking and heart slamming against your chest. Your eyes squeeze tight and everything seems so chaotic. Then, a rich soothing voice broke your thoughts.

“I promise you he will be okay. I swear on my life that he will come back to you.” His voice was calming. Like a reminder to take a deep breath, a luxury you had been depriving yourself of for such a long time. A hand rubs circles on your back and you catch your breath. Somehow coaxed into letting go of Cooper. You lift him into the hands of the receptionist. A lot of loud shouts follow, but your heart is beating too fast for you to notice anything. It’s deafening at this point. The hand leaves your back and you're left standing in the middle of a vet clinic, at six in the afternoon, looking like a mad man. Finding your way to a chair, memories flood back and soon you’re crying again. He's the only thing of Yuta left. The only shred of happiness that was left after Yuta died. He’s all you had. Cooper can’t leave you to. You know people are looking at you like you are crazy, but you don’t care. You’re shaking in your seat afraid that you’ll lose him. You know people think you’re overreacting. Hell if you from two years ago saw this they would think you’re being overdramatic, but this. This is almost too much. Cooper is like your child. He’s Yuta and your child. You refuse to lose him as well. You try to lift your head, but once again your body felt heavy. The sun beams down on your neck as you shake and shudder. “If anyone is listening, I beg of you don’t take him. I’ve lost love. I can’t lose my only happiness. I can’t.” Begs and please leave your mouth in a whisper. Your pleas soon slow down and your mouthparts only a little. Exhaustion taking over your body.

You’re awoken to a loud bark. Your mind stirs and head throbs, still unaware of the surroundings. The memories of past events hit, full force. The frown that once painted your face came back. Slowly you blink and the current environment becomes clear. The vet clinic. Why were you still here? You stretch wincing at how your body pops, from falling asleep on such an uncomfortable surface. It was silent in the clinic. You look around, searching to see if anyone was still here. There wasn’t a soul in sight and only one dim light showing from a room down a hallway. It smelled of bleach and other cleaning supplies and your stomach churned. The moon, which was now distorted from the rain covering the window, shined through. The realization of how late it actually was became prevalent. The normally chattery city had died down and rested for the night. The only sound being cars that went over puddles and the light music from them. Then there was a bark. A familiar one. You lurch out of the chair and follow Cooper’s bark to a door, reading the metal bar.

Dr. Kim Taehyung

You open the door and see something that you haven’t seen in a long time. Cooper’s once-forgotten gleam in his eyes is returned as he lays on someone. You see a hand petting his head, but not who the hand belongs to.

“I know Cooper, but you got to let her rest too.” Cooper shakes his head and makes eye contact with you jumping off the figure, running to you.

“Cooper!” You drop to your knees, arms open and Cooper runs into you. He barks at you and he looks so joyful. “I’ve missed you to buddy.”

“Cooper’s giving you a run for your money in that department.” The man giggles and you recognize the voice. It’s the man from earlier. The one who got you to let go Cooper with just a few words. Before you can get a good look at him Cooper is trying to lick your face and you weave his tongue just in time. “Here let me help you up.” You reach out for the man’s hand and Cooper finally gets off of you.

“Thank you.” You finally take a good look at the man and you see something that you thought was long forgotten. When you make eye contact the room gets brighter. He had dark curly brown hair that almost went past his eyes. His eyes a rich brown that seem glint even in the darkly lit room. An arched nose that crinkled in joy the mole to the left of the tip standing out. A boxy smile that showed off all his teeth. Round cheeks that reminded you of a newborn. Honey glazed skin that seems to shine and brighten the room. He was beautiful, to say the least. Especially compared to your pale and thin state.

“Y/N right?” He bit lip, looking as if he was holding something back.

“How’d you know?”

“It’s on Cooper’s name tag.”

“Oh. Right.” There was a moment of silence that passed. You stared at him and his never wavering smile. This feeling felt all too familiar. “I- Can you tell me what’s wrong with Cooper?”

“Yeah. Right. Uh, Cooper managed to sprain his right front metacarpus.” You raised an eyebrow in confusion. “It’s like his wrist. I suggest giving him these and making sure he rests. Not to do much on it. You have to watch him or it can worsen.” He hands you a white paper bag with somewhat neat handwriting written out in sharpie.

“I don’t have anyone to watch him. I have to work.”

“What about Yuta?” You wince at the mention of his name.

“How do you know who Yuta is?”

“His name is on the name tag.” He gives you a dub look and you’re taken aback. How could someone be so lively and cheerful, this late? His voice, though deep and powerful, was laced in juvenile emotion. As if he had something exciting to say every time he spoke. His eyes glinted with joy that could only come from true happiness. His strong and intimidating physical features clashed greatly with his childlike personality, that it can cause anyone to do a double-take. Had this really been the same boy who convinced you to hand over Cooper? It finally clicks that you have to respond and the words swirl in your head, but nothing can form. The words ‘Yuta has been dead for a while now’ will definitely put a damper on his and strongly affect you. Searching for something, the words finally fall.

“Yuta is- He isn’t around anymore.” You internally cringe at your oversharing.

“Oh. Sorry to hear that.” Another all to familiar silence falls between you two. The uncomfortable feeling being unavoidable “If you want he can stay here.” A soft smile comes back to his face and it warms your chest.

“No no. I couldn’t ask you to do that.” The thought of adding another load to his already busy day, already made you think you were using him. He shook is dismay.

“It’s fine. I have someone here who can watch and take care of him. I’ll throw in a discount just because Cooper is one of the best patients I’ve had.” He looks back down at Cooper then at you. You two go back and forth for a while. The whole argument, if you could even call it that, seemed extremely childish. Finally, you give in, deciding to weigh the logic against the wants.

“Fine Doctor Kim, you win.” He cheers and you notice the smile that had been on your face. You look down at Cooper, whose head was tucked between your legs, and pet him.

“Perfect and Y/N?” You hesitate a little just to continue petting Cooper.

“Yes.” When you finally look up at him, you see a wide smile on his face and cheerful glint his eyes. The look itself caused your smile to get a little bigger.

“Call me Taehyung.”

A/N: That was a long preview. (Like almost two thousand words long. Lmao.) I really hope you enjoyed this because this was fun (and stressful) to write. Feedback is appreciated. Sending love. 💓💓💓

[sarah--goff]

Their Dark Materials: Chapter 5; The Labyrinth

Also avaliable on A03 under: Sarah_Goff works

For any suggestions/questions/ etc my email is  sarahgoffmana03@gmail.com

Hello again!

I realise there are a lot of unanswered questions and plot holes, of course, but I promise things will become apparent further on into the fic x

side note: I have already written a few chapters ahead but i want to try and space my posting out so that I don't publish everything in one go and then take weeks to write chapter by chapter, because for *me* as a reader I find that really agonising- if that makes sense.

Also, I edit quite thoroughly so sometimes posting may take a while- unfortunately, I'm not one of those writers who can just whip up a chapter on the bus and post it there and then (if only!)

I'm very conscious of what I'm writing and i want to make it as clear and enjoyable as possible!

-S. G

Hope you enjoy!

Summary:

You enter the Labyrinth, time is ticking to win back your freedom -but not everything is as it seems.

_*_

Damn wretched girl!

Back in his castle, Jareth hurled the crystal at the wall opposite him. How dare you throw his generosity back in his face! After all he'd tried to do for you! Do what you had asked!

Anger bubbled inside him. He'd thought you were smarter than this foolishness, than this childish defiance!

Didn't you see? Didn't you bloody understand?

He'd done it- he thought with clenched teeth- out of the kindness of his heart. Pah! Look where that had brought him!

"What I want is you "  

He'd said it in tender truth and passion.

He thought he was setting you free by binding you to the wish, this way you could escape, with him, but you had taken it the wrong way completely, warped him a cruel villain in your mind...The look of disgust and disdain on your face when he'd said it...It had honestly crushed him.

Jareth had been adamant that you would come so willing.

The way you had held him in your arms on the first night...

A shiver washed over him at the warmth of the memory. It was at that very moment, he'd realised then, in his wretched Raven form, that he'd felt something , something he hadn't felt for eons...

Curse these feelings!

The Goblin King had granted you such a kind gift, and yet, there you were, walking towards the Labyrinth, a challenge you could not hope to win, to run it, from him- the very nerve of you!

It was rare that runners far and wide trialled and triumphed the Labyrinth- what made you so sure you could do it? He scoffed at this thought.

Another bitter thought crossed his mind: You’d forgotten. You’d forgotten everything. The dream. The beautiful dream that you’d adored.

Rage calming, Jareth waved his hand for another crystal to peer into, observing you curiously as you walked up and down the outskirts of the labyrinth, with a hand under his chin.

He gave a begrudging sigh. There was nothing else for it. He would have to make you see what you wanted again, direct you towards him.  

The Goblin King had to admire you for at least giving the task a go.

He drummed his fingers on the arm rest of his throne. Maybe you would give up in the end- you would see how tough and trying the Labyrinth could be eventually.

‘They always do’, he thought.

Then again, the look on your face said resilience. You wouldn’t be so easy to give in.

             _*_

This couldn’t be right. Your feet were already aching and you hadn’t turned any corners. In fact, you hadn’t even entered the labyrinth at all! You were following the high wall, still looking for the entrance! Dammit!

You slam your hands against the wall in frustration.

This wasn’t fair! You at least expected the Goblin King to open the bloody door. You were sure the cheater had started the clock too. You could practically hear the minutes ticking by and see the smirk on his face. Fuck! You kicked the wall.

“Hey watch it!” A stern voice makes you jump, dropping your hissy fit. There were other people here? Couldn’t they get in either? Were they trapped too?

There was a shorter man standing beside you glaring at you. He came up to your knee. You removed your hands from the stones sheepishly.

“Y’ ought to watch y’self- especially in here, that temper won’t get y’ far” he turns back before you can reply, holding a makeshift weapon of some sort, pointing it at something you couldn’t see. “58!” he cried cheerfully.

“In here? But I’m not even in the Labyrinth yet! There’s no door!”

You looked up at the walls as if he saw something you didn’t. What was he talking about?

The short creature stops counting to give you a tiresome expression. “That’s because y’ not looking hard enough- 59!” and then, triumphantly “60! Things aren’t always what they seem in here”

Were the people from here always talking in bloody riddles?

You decided to be patient.

“Well…You must know how then- how to get in?” you offer hoping he’ll just tell you.

He wore a skull hat and shabby  vest, scruffy shoes and trousers, he had long ears and nose. “Are you a gnome?” you say aloud accidentally. A real gnome imagine! An hour ago you would have scoffed at the idea of meeting a gnome. Well there was a king of goblins so why not.

The scruffy man turns sharply “I’m not a gnome, I’m Hoggle!” he snaps.

“Oh,” as if you have any idea what that is “Nice to meet you, Hoglet” you hold out a hand though this really isn’t the time to be making friends. Suddenly 13 hours seemed far too little.

He scoffs, insulted “Hoggle, not Hoglet”.

“Oh, sorry” you falter, already you weren’t getting off to a great start in this place. “I’m Sloane. Sloane Hazel” but like he cares anyway.

“That’s what I thought” he grumbled under his breath pointing the weapon at seemingly nothing and continues counting.

“What did you say?” you follow him to catch up “you know me?”

Hoggle's stoic manner dropped and he looked anxious suddenly, obviously he’d let something slip that he wasn’t supposed to.

“You do ! You know me!”

“Wellll, it’s uh, it’s a popular name ain’t it” he was lying; any fool could see that. He started to walk faster ignoring you by his side.

“Hey come back!” You grab his arm bending at the waist a little to look him in the eye. “You know something don’t you? About me?”

Hoggle twists in your grip “I can’t” he whines “Jareth will kill me!”

“The Goblin King?”  you let him go at the mention of the name, but still keep him cornered “why would he kill you?”

Hoggle seemed genuinely nervous to speak with you “Y’- y' ask too many questions for y’ own good!”

“I’m not leaving until you answer!” you cry, frustration building in you.

He groans realising he’s stuck “we were given strict instructions not to help y’, alright? Now go!”

‘We?’ there’s more like him, here?

“Wait a second, if he told you not to help me then that must mean… you know something important that can help me through here!”

“I’m telling y’ if you don’t stop asking questions then we’re both dead”

“Just tell me where the bloody entrance to this maze is and I’ll go I won’t bother you again”

To your surprise he kicks your shins and you move out of the way to nurse the pain, allowing him to escape. “Hey!” you call after him but it’s too late. “Thanks for nothing Hop-scotch!” you yell holding your leg.

You faintly hear him correct you.

You rest your arm against the wall. This was going well.

A loud screeching noise startles you and you remove your arm to see the wall swing forward, but it’s not a wall at all- it’s the door!

“Oh thank god!” you whoop sprinting through before they closed again. How on earth had you missed that!

You noticed the shift in the atmosphere immediately. The wind died down, there was no noise.

The walls were narrow and both paths to your left and right stretched out far ahead of you. Isolation. The air felt stiff and cold.

You pulled your jacket tighter around you, extremely grateful that you didn’t change into your pyjamas before you slept.

Left, or right?

You dithered between them though they looked exactly the same.

Right.

You strode down confidently, stepping over a tree branch every now and then.

You looked behind you after a good few minutes of walking and seemingly getting nowhere.  The walls and path looked the same you were sure you just stepped over that exact same branch.

“There aren’t any corners!” you huffed coming to a stop . “It just goes on and on!”

There must be some somewhere surely! What kind of maze didn’t have corners or turns?!

You turned back, checking if you were alone or if you had somehow missed a turning- and then began to sprint down the path, maybe there were corners- you were just being too slow to reach them.

You watched your footing, hoping over tree branch after tree branch, suspicious cracks in the stones, hearing your footsteps slap against the path .

Just keep going. You ran for what seemed like forever. There's got to be one somewhere! Still, nothing.

You slowed to a stop, panting slightly.

“This can’t be right!” it felt like you hadn’t moved at all- the scenery looked exactly the same.

It was a trick, it had to be. Ugh!  You slammed the wall and kicked the other opposite with a frustrated shriek. It felt better to get that out.

You were drenched in sweat and your hair sticking to your face, calves throbbing. You were going to waste your entire 13 hours looking for a fucking turn! Maybe he was right, maybe giving up isn’t such a bad idea after all.

No!

What was wrong with you- you’d only been here five minutes and already you were giving in! This is exactly what he wanted. You couldn’t think that way already, you just had to remember why you were in here in the first place. You weren’t about to let a devious, tight-panted overgrown elf get the better of you.

“Fuck” you mutter. You clapped your hand to your sticky forehead, sliding down the wall to sit against it, not caring how grimy it was. You just wanted to sit and stare at these miserable walls.

“You’ll never get anywhere with that attitude!”

You lifted your head to the croaky voice by your ear.

A blue worm on the brick beside you smiled “ ‘allo”

You stared at it . It had a tiny red scarf around its neck and an unsettling pair of red eyes.

"Did… you say ‘hello’?”

You’d met a king of goblins and Hoggle, so a worm talking was not a surprise.

“No, I said  ‘allo’ but that’s close enough” he nodded.

“Oh…okay” you sat up to face the worm fully “you don’t by any chance know the way through this labyrinth, do you?”

He shook his head “who me? Nah I’m just a worm”

Your shoulders slumped, disappointed “oh” was nobody here able to help?

“come inside and have some tea!” the worm offered

“No, thank you, but I have to solve this labyrinth-“ you gestured to the high walls “ but there aren’t any turns openings or anything”

“well you ain’t looking right- it’s full of openings it’s just you ain’t seeing them!” he gave a chuckle and shook his head.

“well, where are they?”

“There’s one just across there, it’s right in front of ya”

You stared dumbly at the brick wall opposite, nothing had changed it was just a wall. What was he talking about? “No there isn’t?” you peered at it but it looked just the same.

“Come inside and have a nice cup of tea” he implored, undermining you very desperate need to find the turns.

You were still staring hard at the wall expecting it to move or something “but there isn’t an opening!”

He laughed again and you felt stupid “of course there is!”

You stood, determined to show the worm that there really was nothing there.

“You try walking through it, you’ll see what I mean!”

You turned “what?” walk through? Like through the wall? You hesitated.

“Go on, go on then”

“It’s just a wall, there’s no way through!” you protested.

“things are not always what they seem in this place- so you can’t take anything for granted”

“So everyone keeps saying” you muttered under your breath, sticking out your hands out in front of you, expecting to smack straight into the bricks.

You were able to walk forward a couple of paces and your eyes focused so that you could see the gaps where the two paths were.

“Hey !” you said gleefully, there they were, the corners! You felt a huge weight lift off your shoulders. You looked left and right down this new path. No wonder you’d missed this! You started down the left path.

“Hey, hang on!”

You peaked around the corner with a relived smile “thank you! That was really hel-”

“Don’t go that way!” The worms voice was hushed and tense.

“What was that?”

“I said, don’t go that way, never go that way!”

You frowned “But why?”

“If you keep going down that path, it’ll lead you straight to the castle” he shivered at the thought.

You gave a winning smile  “No, no, you don’t understand, that’s exactly where I want to go!”

He looked frightened, unsure “are you sure, dearie? That castle…awful place” his eyes widened and you dropped the smile.

“The king. Take my advice, avoid the castle, save yourself” he whispered and turned tail to crawl back into the hole.

“But I need to get to the castle to win!” you called but he was gone.

You were dithering between the left path or the right. Both made you feel unsettled.

Risk it or play safe. Play into his hands you corrected yourself. This was exactly what he wanted, you to second guess yourself -that wouldn't get you far in here if there were more tricks up ahead which you very much suspected there were.

You could spend the next 12 hours in this miserable place- hell, it had taken you this long to find a corner! – scurrying around as time ticked on.

Or  you could go against the advice and follow this path to the castle and it would be over. You could be home before Kari and Brian would even notice  you were missing.

You didn’t need to think twice. You shook off the worm’s advice following down the castle path.

Why was everyone so afraid of The Goblin King here? What was the worst he could do? He didn’t frighten you, you were sure, you’d have to face him eventually.

You strode confidently down the left path “I’ll show him” you mumbled under your breath, the sky was changing the further down you went.

“Dammit” you noticed your shoelace was untied and leaned against the wall to do it back up quickly, you stepped out when the stone beneath your feet flipped over, causing you to fall through the gap and down, down.

[ofmythsandmadness]

i need a favour - six.

PART SIX - a tale of two love-struck fools - or, the one where everything that’s not supposed to happen...happens. WORD COUNT - 3850+ PREV PART - five. START FROM THE BEGINNING - one.

A/N - whoops. sorry...that’s all i have to say. this won’t make up for the long ass absence, but...here it is, anyways. not edited and i know it’s messy. but it’s here. if anyone reads it, i hope you enjoy. xx

THINGS WERE OKAY. AT LEAST ON THE SURFACE. 

For one, Y/N wasn’t required to wear heels that night, freezing her poor feet from the torture of stilettos all night. Which was a nice change. The shoes sure did look good, but she still had not figured out how people like Allison could wear six inch pumps for an entire day. One hour was torture enough.

She glanced down, wriggling her toes in the ankle boots she had chosen. She would have to thank whoever was running this event for the dress code - because she was much more okay showing up to this fancy shmancy awards ceremony if she could stand normally. And feel properly dressed - she could shrink into her sweater and still feel like she wasn’t a style disappointment to those around her. Which was also, quite nice.

Unfortunately that might just be where her list ended. Because as much as she was trying to find the silver lining, Y/N really was finding it impossible.

Why, one might wonder?

“There you are.”

He, was why.

She looked away from him, anywhere but him, scanning the crowds around her for something she can latch onto. “Here I am.”

“Was looking for you.”

“Hm,” she hummed back, playing absent-mindedness to cover up her racing heart. Hopefully he couldn’t hear it - though considering how loud it was pounding in her own ear? Might be a fool’s wish. “Well, I...was with Vanya.”

She shivered when his skin brushed hers; his hand barely grazed against her own, and yet there she was, practically fucking shaking like a leaf because - well, she wasn’t ready to face the ‘because’ just yet.

“Funny, cause I talked to Vanya.”

“Good for you.”

“And she only talked briefly with you. But she’s barely seen you t’night.”

Y/N frowned then, stuck between a rock and a hard place - the latter being the same man she had made out with just a few days prior. The same man, she had been avoiding ever since.

See, after their rather shocking makeout session from a few days back, neither one knew what to do. That was not in the cards for their fake relationship - it had never been. Certainly, not without a point to play off of. But it had happened, both of them eagerly rushing into an ill-fated kiss that they would later debate over and over until the simple word ‘kiss’ was mush in their minds. And after that, neither one knew where they stood.

Scared of facing consequences, Y/N let herself vanish practically off the face of the earth. She threw herself into her work, but when she was not at school, she was at home, ignoring any calls that came her way or knocks at her door later at night. She knew if he truly needed her, he would just come through her window, so she never bothered answering the door. Not for the two times he came by.

She was not even sure why she showed up that night. They had not discussed further the extent of their fake relationship - or how their not-fake kiss played into it - and so really, she had no need to show and play his fake girlfriend. But there she was, showing up, and then regretting it once her consequences showed up to mock her.

“I had things to do.”

“Oh? Like what?”

But instead of answering that, she turned, glaring up at him. “What do you want me to say, Diego? You want my secretary to fax you my minutes? My schedule?”

“No,” he gritted back, “I want to talk.”

“That might be the first time I’ve ever heard you say that.”

“Yeah? There’s been a lot of ‘firsts’ this week.”

She rolled her eyes, fighting back her nerves with stone fists, nails digging moon-shaped cuts into her palms. There was no way she was going to break and argue this with him right then and there. In public, in the midst of a hoity-toity fundraiser event...thing (truthfully, she still hadn’t figured out what was going on, but did that matter anymore?). She still had a little dignity. “We’re not talking about this.”

“Not your call to make.”

“It is,” she hissed, “considering I’m the one who agreed to do this stupid relationship thing. You want me to call us out right here and now?”

“Do that, and you’re dead too. I mean, you are the one who kissed me twi-”

“-can it, Hargreeves. Don’t twist this solely on me.”

“Am I? Or-”

“-I told you. I’m not doing this here.”

“Then where?”

“I-”

“-attention, ladies and gentlemen, if you could look this way now?”

The two adults were forced to pause their hushed argument and avert their gaze forward. Both jaws clenched in frustration - for different, yet very similar reasons - and they stood stiffly beside one another, opposite of their happy couple facade performed just days ago. No one could even say they were friends, let alone in a committed relationship. So, it was pretty good the attention was not on them.

Y/N barely took in a moment of the presentation, past that it was basically the government (or something like that) kissing Five’s ass for an hour or so. He had done something, risking his life for something or other, and there they were, clapping with glassy eyes as high ranking officials raved on and on about how amazing he was.

She had to wonder just what he had done. Because it was rare, very rare, for Five Hargreeves to ever be on anyone’s good side. And normally she would question both the legality and hidden workings behind all this smiling government bullshit. However, in the circumstances she currently found herself in, she really couldn't care less.

One it was done and the crowd began to move around, Y/N made her move to go - only to find herself held back by Diego. She tried to worm out of his firm grasp, but he silently refused, dark eyes practically begging her to stay. And maybe, it was the strange and quite unfamiliar look in his eyes that actually made her want to stay. Even if she would just argue the arm bit.

“I’m serious about what I said,” she mumbled, keeping her voice down just in case someone unwanted was nearby. “We can’t talk about this right here and now, not with your family buzzin’ about like flies.”

“Sure,” he shrugged. “But -” he was cut off by himself that time, eyes dropping from staring her down to someone behind her. They flicked back within seconds, but they lacked the same shine as a second ago, colder and more determined for something. Some reason. “When?”

“What did-”

“-don’t pretend like I don’t care about you.”

Y/N cocked her head in confusion, staring at him like he had just asked the craziest thing in the world of her. “Pardon me?”

“You know I want this to work.”

Her nose crinkled as she frowned. “Sure...uh, I guess, but we don’t have to discuss-”

“-isn’t this just the next step?”

“What the hell are you going on about?”

It was only a second after that question when Y/N got her answer in the form of another's actions. She started when a cold hand met her shoulder, but a quick glance to her side clarified the person, and Diego’s motivation. Lord, she would have to commend him on quick thinking. Maybe (she still had no clue what he was talking about).

“You two really seem to be laying into it,” Klaus grinned, as though he was asking their opinions on kittens. “Everything alright, lovebirds?”

“Uh - ju-ust peachy.”

His eyes flitted from hers to meet Diego’s. “You seem rather tense, brother. What’s the matter?”

Before he could answer, to continue whatever little scheme he had concocted in his mind, Y/N cut in with a strained grin. “What are you doing here, Klaus? I didn’t think this would be your scene.”

“Oh, it rarely is,” he responded, already seeming to forget his question. “But I thought I’d turn over a new leaf, try and seem more respectable than I truly am. And...well, truthfully, I appreciate a good show.” His elbow met her side, nudging her teasingly. “If you know what I mean.”

“Should have known you had other motives.”

Klaus clicked his tongue at Diego. “I do care about Five’s...well, whatever he’s done, you know that. But I can support more than one fellow, you know.”

“Who’s the lucky guy?”

His pale arm stretched out, past the couple and over to a small crowd in the corner, of which Five was the centre. “See the dashing one in blue? With the plaid tie?”

When they both nodded, Klaus laughed. “His name’s Joe.”

“He’s cute,” Y/N responded. She dared not glance to her side and meet Diego’s eyes. “You sure he swings your way?”

“I know he does, matter of fact.”

“Oh, well then...I’m happy for you.”

Klaus, oblivious to either person’s discomfort, grinned and clapped his hands like a child. Were it any other situation, Y/N would have found it adorable. Be it as it were, however, she just wanted the conversation over with and a way to escape this nightmare of a night.

“I’d love to hear more,” she finally said, cutting him off just before he could really go on with it, “but I do have to run. It’s been a week of late nights and if I don’t make it home now, I might just crash here.”

In an instant, Diego was holding her waist, gently cradling her to him in a way she did not totally despise - though it was a huge shock to her nervous system, nearly made her jump in fright. “I keep telling you to take a break, but no, somehow I’m in the wrong.”

So they were still playing along. God, how hard it was becoming to hold her smile. “Look, baby, you just don’t understand it. Those kids need me!”

“And I need you alive, and yet here you are working yourself to death.” His lips found her skin, pressing into her temple for a moment before pulling away. She fought the urge to wipe where he had burned the kiss into her skin, smiling through her mental anguish.

Klaus clasped his hands under his chin and smiled, looking like the most deranged cupid in the world. “You two - I mean, really. It’s disgusting, how much you two love each other. I think I might vomit, just looking at you.”

“Well,” Y/N said, hesitantly stepping back just a little at the ‘vomit’ mention, “good thing we’re leaving then. Let me know how you and Joe go, yeah?”

“I’ll spare no details,” he winked back, before making ‘shooing’ motions with his hands. “Have fun, be safe!”

Diego’s grip tightened on her shoulders as they weaved through the crowds, as though he thought she might try to run away. She wished she didn’t like it.

“Good work.”

“Nice save.”

Diego grinned, a cocky smile she had learned to both love and hate with passion. “Anything for my baby.”

“Shut up, or I’ll stab your guts out.”

“With my own knife?” He didn’t even seem the tiniest bit flustered, by how she had snuck the weapon out of his pocket. If anything, the look on his face read more flattery. “How sweet.”

She rolled her eyes, hesitating a long moment before handing it over. If only she had kept it; she might have been able to rid herself of her mental misery before it would be too late.

Oh, well. She couldn’t run from it, or him, forever.

Unfortunately. Why’d she have to go with a super-human fake-boyfriend, again? 

||

“DID YOU DRIVE?”

Y/N shook her head. “Walked. You?”

“I’ll walk you home.”

“You don’t need-”

“-please,” he said, a little softer that time. His hand grazed the small of her back, lingering just a moment before slipping away. “You n’I both know these streets aren’t safe.”

Much as she did not want to admit he was right, she did feel a bit better having someone by her side. It was dark out and sure, she knew how to protect herself - but having a guy who did it semi-professionally walking her home didn’t hurt. So she nodded and without another word, followed him out the glass doors.

It was then, too, she was glad she wore comfortable shoes. It was only a ten minute walk, but she did not want the added stress of aching feet on top of her and Diego’s tension.

They walked in silence for a couple minutes. Side by side, barely touching - shoulders grazing, but only just. And for a long moment, it felt normal. Like nothing had happened and this was just them. Comfortable, revelling in the quiet of the streets that night and one another’s company. For a second, Y/N could almost convince herself that that was the way things were.

But of course, things couldn’t be that way. Not how they left it.

“So…”

“So…”

“Why didn’t you return my calls?”

Y/N sighed, letting her eyes fall to the pavement below. “Dunno. It was a long week.”

“Could have told me that.”

“After the way we left things? I figured you would have taken any response from me as a sign to start an argument. Hell,” she chuckled mirthlessly, “I half expected you to crawl through my window at two in the morning, looking for a chat in person.”

She glanced up to see his face; twisted, in a mixture of anger and something she could not quite read. “I’m a dick, but I’m not a total asshole.”

“Sure.”

“I wouldn’t do that to you. I...figured you needed some space.”

She nodded. “I assumed. And I appreciate it.”

“But,” he continued, taking her gratitude as a sign to push forward, “s’not like we can really go on like this.”

“Why not?”

Diego stopped in his tracks. His hand met hers, pulling her to a stop in front of him. He stared down at her, still with that same confusing look in his eyes. “You kissed me, Y/N. Don’t remember that being in the rules.”

“I did that before-”

“-that was not the same,” he argued, cutting her off before the excuse could finish. “That was for...there was no reason to kiss me then. We both know that.”

Y/N stuffed her hands into her coat and stared down at the pockets, like they were suddenly the most interesting thing in the world. “Why are you asking me all this? I mean, you can’t pretend like you didn’t kiss me, too. You practically started it. All this!”

“That’s not true.”

“Mm,” she laughed, a little bitterly that time, “su-ure. We were both there, Diego. We’re both guilty in this. You wanted it, I-I-” she couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. Instead, she stared downwards stricken, trying to avoid processing just about anything going through her head just then. “I...fuck, why am I even trying to explain this!”

When he said nothing, she sighed. “Maybe this was a mistake.”

“What was?”

“This. Agreeing to this. I mean, you’re great, really stupid great dude, but this whole fake dating thing is making it really hard to - I don’t know. This is a mess.”

He huffed. “I never made you do this.”

“I didn’t say you did! I know I agreed to it, just clearly I had no idea what it was like to date you.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“I-”

Before she could finish that sentence, screams erupted from a little whiles away, followed by curses and a lone gunshot. They both immediately started, Diego carefully slipping past Y/N to source the noise - and her following right after.

The pair raced into the alleyway with Diego quickly taking the lead. Despite it being dark, three figures could clearly be made out in the dim lights and both immediately saw the offending gun. Neither even stopped to consider it, though, rushing forward like a well oiled team ready to spring into action.

“Stop!” Diego hollered. From within his jacket he pulled two knives. They went flying and each hit a different offender. From the screams of pain following, it was clear his targets were matched. He reached in to pull out another, only to curse. “Shit - Y/N?”

She nodded even while falling to her knees by the side of their victim. She looked the young woman over, helping her sit up while her hands felt for cuts or bruises. She wasted no time glancing up, “Go! Go!”

Without a second more hesitation, Diego was off like a flash after the fleeing trio. Y/N remained by the woman’s side, not even bothering to check what was happening around her. Which, perhaps was her downfall, trusting so blindly in her friend’s skill. She only focused on the woman and making sure she was okay, and not in what was happening around her.

At that moment, time felt almost like it had slowed down. Like everything had gone from normal to slow motion, leaving her struggling even more to keep up with what was around her. A cry erupted from the young woman, leaving Y/N to glance up questioningly - but before she could ask what was the matter, a gunshot sounded. Her head twisted, staring off where Diego had just run, only to see her doom come racing her way - and not his.

A second later and she herself was crying out, the sound mingling with those of the girl beside her. The bullet might as well have been a truck, from the force of the hit. It left her shocked and with no control over her body, she collapsed like a bird to the cold pavement. She heard a flurry of sounds around her, yelling and curses, but none of them made any sense to her just then. All she could truly hear was the woman she had just been helping. She would not stop talking, but Y/N could not understand what was being said - some sort of foreign language, perhaps Polish from the sounds of it. It was sad, though, mourningful and the intention behind it was clear.

But there was no time for that just then.

The pain was bad. Definitely bad. Like, on a scale from one to ten, she would have to say it felt past eleven. From where the pain radiated, too, she would only have to assume it was not just a graze.

“Shit.”

Y/N felt at her side and pulled back her hand to see blood. She moved back once more, that time pushing harder even when the pain practically exploded inside her - she dug at the wound, trying her best to gauge how bad of a hit she had.

Judging by what little pressure she could stand, it was pretty bad. Bracing herself on the young girl and the cold pavement, she forced herself into a sitting position, pressing her bloodied fingers back into the wound - despite how much it hurt, she knew it was the only way she would make it through this. Gritting her teeth, she held the other hand out.

“Phone,” she gasped. When the woman just stared, she shakily brought the hand to her ear, miming a call. “9-1-1. You have a phone?”

“Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.”

She remained by her side as she called, which Y/N was grateful for, as it meant she had someone to lean upon. It felt like hours as they waited - though really, it was mere seconds, waiting for the shouts to cease in the background and for the stupid operator to realise what was being asked of it. She had half a mind to grab the phone and say it herself - she would, if she had any strength to move. As it were, she was barely keeping herself up, and only had to hope the woman’s broken English would save her.

Footsteps echoed like bullets of their own on the pavement, and Y/N instinctively scrunched her eyes up tight, begging for some relief. Somehow, the pain from her side was hitting all over her body - she felt like she had been hit a thousand times, pummeled by some ancient god who wished her nothing but ill will.

Just as she lost hope, however, she heard Diego’s voice, practically felt his own body hit the pavement beside her. Vaguely, she could make out both him and the woman talking, but neither voice stood enough out amongst the pain.

Firm, warm arms found their way around her and pulled her in. Y/N let herself slump back, barely opening her eyes to take in what was around her. Diego had pulled her half onto his lap, enough so she was resting solely on his chest and on his legs. She heaved in a breath.

“Where’d it hit you?”

“Side,” she mumbled. Was this always how it went? She had very little (as in, none until that night) experience with gunshot wounds, but they were really more of a bitch than she knew. It was like she could feel her lifeforce slipping out of her body, with each breath becoming more and more of a hardship, her chest barely rising and falling.

“You’re gonna be okay. You know that, right?”

“Mm-hmm.” She was barely awake, only forcing her lids open. Somewhere, far away, she remembered yelling at Diego to do that - there must be a point, to not falling asleep. “Called...9…”

His hands brought her closer to him, pressing her shivering figure into his torso with more strength she knew he possessed. “I know. I know. The woman’s waiting. Just - stay with me, okay? You gotta stay with me.”

“Mm…”

“No. C’mon, Y/N, stay with me. Okay? It’s…” she heard that unmistaken quiver in his voice, and even in her weakened state, she felt the urge to help him. Only, she couldn’t find the words or the stamina to say them, and found herself helpless in easing his panic. 

“It’s...gonna b-b-b-be...you’re o...o...shit,” he cursed, a muffled sob not far behind the words. “C’mon, b-b-ba...c’mon…”

Y/N forced a smile on her lips. It was getting harder and harder to stay conscious, but dammit if she wasn’t going to try for his sake. Her hand left her side, shakily reaching up to find his cheek. Blood stained the skin, but neither even seemed to notice.

“M’okay,” she mumbled, even while drowning - the pain was definitely getting to her, more so than she could have ever dreamed. She hissed in a breath, “m...okay. Don’t...don’t cry for m-me, Argentina.”

Even as the world began to shake and go black, she saw his face, staring down at her like she was the most important thing in the world. Somewhere amidst the grief and fear and uncertainty, Diego slipped a grin - and even if it was a waste of potentially last words, she would at least go knowing she got to see him smile again. “S-s-hut up,” he whispered.

And before she could offer anymore of a response, just a bloody smile to match his own, Y/N fell limp in his arms, moving no more.

TAG LIST -  @asexualmarauder​ @thatshellfiredean​ @the-bird-suit​  @rangotangomango​ @fandomsandmore394​ @thatkidofwarandpeace​ @antoouu @soul-of-a-traveller @yall-wildin-like-siriusly @artsyle @asuperconfusedgirl @fic-cheesecake​ (let me know if you want to be added, or if I missed you)