#ft. parker sears

[sundrunked]

jason had never been one to bottle his feelings up. maybe, even without all of the memories that had sharpened him, he still had a tendency to turn any of the more vulnerable ones --- sadness, hurt --- into anger before he let them show, but fuck if they didn't show. he'd tell you straight to your face if you pissed him off. or enact some deranged revenge plan first, then do the talking. he was clever, strategic, but ruled by his heart one way or another. "so you don't upset anyone ? seriously ? playing doormat & venting via depressing park ballad isn't gonna do you any good."

HE KNEW WHAT HE HAD TO DO. DID THAT MAKE HIM.. STUBBORN? perhaps he did, but.. the guilt? the guilt was swallowing him whole and right now, he didn't know what to do about it. he was not selfish. wasn't he the reason why all of that had HAPPENED? yes, he had been and.. if he could do something to make all of this right? he would do it. wouldn't he? "eh, something like that, but.. i always vent through my music. that way? i don't really upset anyone," and these days? oh, he had a tendency to think... too much. he snorted. "nah. if only it were as simple as that." was that because he sang about the same person EVERY single time? that he always thought of her? MAYBE. HE COULDN'T STOP. HE DIDN'T THINK THAT HE WOULD EVER KNOW HOW TO."

@sundrunked

[darkstar225]

Spider-Girl has a panic attack ft Wanda Maximoff and Natasha Romanoff

The air was thick with tension as the trio navigated through the dimly lit corridors of an abandoned Hydra facility. Wanda Maximoff, with her scarlet eyes glowing, moved gracefully, using her telekinetic powers to disable security systems and clear the path. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, trailed behind her, executing precise strikes on any unsuspecting guards that crossed their way.

Y/N Parker, known as Spider-Girl, swung effortlessly between the walls, her agility matching that of her brother, Peter, the famed Spider-Man. The mission had brought them back to a place that haunted Y/N's nightmares, the place where Hydra had once held her captive.

As they reached a dimly lit room, memories flooded back, and Y/N's breath hitched. She could almost hear the distant echoes of her own cries from the past. The room seemed to close in, and the air turned heavy. Wanda and Natasha, engrossed in neutralizing threats, failed to notice the subtle shift in Y/N's demeanour.

A sudden explosion echoed through the facility, snapping Y/N back to the present. The enemies had found them, and chaos erupted. Wanda conjured barriers to deflect bullets, while Natasha gracefully twisted her body, avoiding incoming attacks. Y/N swung into action, her heightened senses allowing her to anticipate movements.

Amid the chaos, the teenager felt a shiver race down her spine, an icy hand gripping her heart. The memories of Hydra's experiments, the isolation, and the pain resurfaced, overwhelming her. She tried to shake off the haunting thoughts, but they clung to her like a suffocating fog.

Wanda, engrossed in her own battle, threw a barrage of energy at their adversaries. Natasha, displaying her trademark acrobatics, flipped over an opponent, delivering a swift kick to the back of their head. But in the midst of the fight, they remained oblivious to Y/N's struggle.

A sudden, searing pain tore through Y/N's shoulder. She gasped, the pain jolting her back to the present. A bullet had grazed her, leaving a trail of blood. She stumbled, the weight of the memories and the physical pain combining into a debilitating force.

Wanda, sensing the disturbance in the air, turned her attention to Y/N. Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of Y/N, clutching her bleeding shoulder, breaths coming in ragged gasps. Natasha, too, noticed the sudden change and the blood-staining Y/N's costume.

Natasha - Y/N!

Natasha's voice cut through the chaos, concern etched across her face.

Wanda's eyes flared with Scarlet Witch energy as she surveyed the room. The enemies had just made a grave mistake. They had hurt one of their own.

In an instant, Wanda's power surged, creating a whirlwind of chaos that incapacitated their rivals. Natasha, her movements now driven by a fierce mama bear protective instinct, dispatched the remaining threats with deadly precision.

Wanda rushed to Y/N's side, her hands glowing with a soft, healing light. 

Wanda - Sweetheart, what happened? *mix of worry and anger in her tone*

Natasha joined them, her eyes narrowing at the blood on Y/N's shoulder. 

Natasha - Did they do this to you, baby? *growls*

Y/N, still grappling with the remnants of her panic, managed to choke out just one sentence. 

Y/N - I'm okay, just a graze.

Wanda's gaze bore into Y/N's eyes, her empathetic powers sensing the turmoil within. 

Wanda - No lies, honey. We're here for you. *softly smiles*

The weight of the unspoken past hung in the air, and Y/N felt a lump form in her throat. She couldn't hold it back any longer. The memories, the fear, the pain... it all came crashing down.

Y/N - I can't breathe. *whispers with a strained voice*

Wanda's eyes widened with understanding. She had seen this before, the aftermath of trauma. Gently, she guided Y/N to sit on a nearby crate, Natasha standing guard beside them.

Wanda - It's okay, Y/N. You're safe now. Focus on your breathing.

Wanda reassured, her hands now enveloped in a warm, soothing light. 

As Wanda worked her healing magic, Natasha kept a vigilant watch, her eyes scanning the surroundings for any lingering threats. Y/N tried to follow Wanda's advice, focusing on the rise and fall of her chest. It was a battle against the memories, a struggle to separate the past from the present.

Wanda, sensing the need for a deeper connection, reached out with her telepathic abilities, gently exploring the recesses of Y/N's mind. She found the echoes of pain, the scars left by Hydra's cruelty. With a gentle touch, Wanda created a mental barrier, shielding Y/N from the invasive memories.

Natasha, her eyes sharp and unwavering, turned to face the defeated enemies strewn across the room. They had underestimated the strength of the trio, and now they paid the price.

Wanda finished her healing, the soft glow fading from her hands. 

Wanda - How are you feeling? *genuine concern and head tilt*

Y/N took a deep, shaky breath and finally spoke after her unfortunately long flashback. 

Y/N - Better... Thanks.

Natasha approached, a stern expression on her face. 

Natasha - We need to talk about what happened here, and about Hydra. *frowns*

Y/N nodded, a mix of gratitude and apprehension in her eyes. The shared history, the unspoken bond formed through battles and victories, bound them together in a way that words couldn't fully capture.

As they left the Hydra facility behind, the trio walked side by side. Wanda and Natasha, each with an arm around Y/N, silently vowed to protect their unofficial daughter from the shadows of the past. The scars might linger, but together, they would face whatever challenges lay ahead.

________________________________________________________________________________

However... as the trio moved cautiously through the facility's wreckage, the air still charged with tension. Y/N's steps became unsteady, the loss of blood making every movement an effort. Wanda and Natasha exchanged a concerned glance as they supported her, the weight of worry heavy in their eyes.

Natasha - Kiddo, you're losing a lot of blood! We need to get you out of here.

Natasha stated, her voice firm but laced with concern.

Y/N - I'm... I'm fine. 

Y/N insisted, though her voice wavered. She couldn't afford to show weakness, not when the memories of her captivity still lingered. But the pallor of her face and the weakness in her limbs betrayed her true condition.

Wanda, her maternal instincts heightened, placed a gentle hand on Y/N's cheek. 

Wanda - You're not fine, draga. We need to tend to your wound. (Draga = darling)

The term of endearment, spoken in Wanda's native Sokovian, resonated with warmth. Y/N managed a weak smile, appreciating the comfort amid chaos. Still, her steps faltered, and a wave of dizziness threatened to pull her into the darkness.

Natasha noticed the subtle change and urged the younger girl while adjusting her grip to provide more support.

Natasha - Hold on, Y/N. We're almost there.

As they neared the exit, the trio was met with the sight of their jet parked discreetly outside. Wanda's magic gently opened the hatch, revealing a space that, at the moment, felt like a sanctuary. Natasha guided Y/N into the jet, and Wanda followed closely behind.

Once inside, Y/N sank into one of the seats, the exhaustion and pain evident in her eyes. Natasha quickly assessed the wound, her fingers deftly probing the injury. Wanda, her magic still at the ready, focused on stabilizing Y/N's condition.

Natasha - You need medical attention, now. *meets Wanda's gaze*

Wanda nodded in agreement, a flicker of concern in her eyes. Y/N, feeling the motherly vibes surrounding her, couldn't help but be grateful for the support she found in these two extraordinary women.

The jet's engines roared to life, and Natasha secured Y/N in one of the medical bays. Wanda continued to channel her healing energy, knitting together torn tissues and slowing the bleeding. Yet, the concern etched on their faces lingered.

As the jet soared into the night sky, Natasha took a seat beside Y/N and spoke softly but with a stern edge because of her nerves. 

Natasha - You can't downplay this, detka. We need to take care of you. (детка = babe)

Wanda joined them, her hand finding Y/N's. 

Wanda - You're not alone in this. We're here for you, princesa. (Princesa = princess)

The terms of endearment, spoken by both Wanda and Natasha, wrapped around Y/N like a protective shield. In that moment, she let go of the stoic facade she often wore and allowed herself to be vulnerable. The weight of the past, the pain of the present, and the uncertainty of the future became palpable.

Y/N - I... I was scared. Back there, it felt like... like I was back in that cell.

Y/N admitted with her voice sounding barely like a whisper. 

Wanda squeezed Y/N's hand, her eyes reflecting a deep understanding. 

Wanda - You faced that fear, and you're here now. You're strong, babygirl.

Natasha, typically reserved, placed a comforting hand on Y/N's shoulder and a kiss on her forehead. 

Natasha - We've got your back. Always.

The rest of the journey was spent in a quiet understanding. Wanda's healing energy worked its magic, and Y/N felt the pain decrease. The concern in Natasha's eyes, however, lingered. As they touched down at their home base, Wanda and Natasha swiftly organized medical assistance waiting for them.

Once off the jet, Y/N felt a renewed sense of strength. The support from Wanda and Natasha, the unspoken bond that transcended words, was a source of comfort. As medical professionals took over, Wanda and Natasha stood side by side, their protective gaze never leaving Y/N.

Y/N - Thank you, for everything.

The youngest whispered, a genuine smile playing on her lips. 

Wanda wrapped her in a comforting hug, and Natasha joined in. The trio stood there, proving the strength they found in their shared pain and victories.

Natasha - We're family, dorogoy. We take care of our own. (дорогой = my dear)

As the medical team led Y/N away for further treatment, Wanda and Natasha exchanged a glance filled with a shared determination. The shadows of Hydra might linger, but together, they would face them head-on. The makeshift family forged in battles and blood was unbreakable, each member finding strength in the love and protection they provided for one another.

[emercld]

⟨ *.:｡┊ ╾ emerald & parker ⟩ ft @ofrparker

“  Poets often describe love as an emotion that we can't control, one that overwhelms logic and common sense. That's what it was like for me. I didn't plan on falling in love with you, and I doubt if you planned on falling in love with me. But once we met, it was clear that neither of us could control what was happening to us. We fell in love, despite our differences, and once we did, something rare and beautiful was created. For me, love like that has happened only once, and that's why every minute we spent together has been seared in my memory. I'll never forget a single moment of it ” 

[technologyofweapons-blog]

(CZ 52) The CZ 52[1] (also known by the Czechoslovak military designations vz. 52,[2] for (vz. - vzor = model) 'model of 1952', and ...

(CZ 52) The CZ 52[1] (also known by the Czechoslovak military designations vz. 52,[2] for (vz. - vzor = model) "model of 1952", and CZ 482) is a semi-automatic pistol designed by two brothers, Jan and Jaroslav Kratochvíl, in the early 1950s for the Czechoslovak military.[3] Around 200,000 vz. 52s were made by Česká Zbrojovka in Strakonice from 1952 to 1954.[3] Before standardizing on the 7.62×25mm vz. 52, the Czechoslovak military used several domestic and foreign pistol models in three different calibers. After 30 years of military service, the vz. 52 was eventually replaced by the 9×18mm Makarov caliber vz. 82. The CZ 52 is technically known as the vz. 52 as its Czech military designation, but is often referred to as the CZ 52 to differentiate it from the vz. 52 rifle which entered the export market before the pistol. (Description) The CZ 52 pistol is a roller-locked short recoil–operated, detachable box magazine–fed, single-action, semi-automatic pistol chambered for the 7.62×25mm Tokarev cartridge (the gun was originally designed for 9×19mm Parabellum caliber but due to political pressures had to be redesigned for the then-standard Soviet pistol cartridge). It weighs approximately two pounds unloaded. Military models feature either a parkerized finish or a gray oxide coating, while some CZ 52s were arsenal reblued in the 1970s. These re-finished guns are usually marked as such.[4] Ergonomically, the grip of the CZ 52 is long when measured from front to rear and slim from side to side with a low "hump" which meets the web of the hand at the rear. This causes the bore axis to sit high above the grip, resulting in a very strongly felt recoil. Due to its high muzzle velocity and projectile shape, certain higher pressure FMJ ammunition fired from the CZ 52 pistol will penetrate the lower rated NIJ IIA ballistic vest, but is stopped by a standard police issue NIJ II or better ballistic vests, (Operation) The CZ 52's operating controls consist of a single-action trigger, an external hammer, a magazine catch located at the heel of the grip frame, and a combination de-cock/safety lever located on the left rear side of the receiver aft of the left grip panel. The manual safety blocks movement of the sear, which prevents the hammer from releasing and firing a round. A second safety, in the form of a spring-loaded firing pin block, prevents the pistol from firing unless the trigger is pulled fully to the rear; this feature renders the pistol "drop safe". However, if the firing pin block spring has become worn, the pistol may be rendered unsafe in the event of a muzzle down drop, or in the case of other internals being worn, it may be drop safe only when "cocked and locked", for instance. Care should be taken when handling firearms of uncertain origin, and only a competent gunsmith should be relied upon to verify the safety mechanisms of surplus guns are intact. Because the sear must overcome the additional spring pressure of the firing pin block, an inherent feature of the CZ 52 is its unusually heavy trigger pull, often in the 8–10 pound range. The hammer is of the rebounding type, meaning that it does not contact the firing pin while in its uncocked position, and cannot do so unless the trigger is pulled, another safety feature.[6] It should be noted that using the decocker relies on the integrity of firing pin block; if the firing pin block is worn, an unintentional discharge can result when the decocker is engaged. (Ammunition) By the late 1990s, after the popularity of the surplus CZ 52 had started to increase, hollow-point ammunition in 7.62×25mm became available from custom shops. The pistol proved capable of handling extremely "hot" loadings, and many shops sell custom or hand-loaded ammunition. (CZ 52) CZ 52 pistol Type Semi-automatic pistol Place of origin Czechoslovakia (Service history) In service 1952–1982 (Czechoslovakia) (Production history) Designer Jan and Jaroslav Kratochvíl Designed 1952 Produced 1952–1954 No. built Approx. 200,000 (Specifications) Weight 0.95 kg (2.09 lb) Length 210 mm (8.3 in) Barrel length 120 mm (4.7 in) Cartridge 7.62×25mm Tokarev Action Recoil operated, roller locked Muzzle velocity 500 m/s (1,640 ft/s) Effective firing range 50 m Feed system 8-round detachable box magazine Sights Rear: notched and dovetailed front: fixed blade

[technologyofweapons-blog]

CZ 52 YouTube

(CZ 52) The CZ 52[1] (also known by the Czechoslovak military designations vz. 52,[2] for (vz. - vzor = model) "model of 1952", and CZ 482) is a semi-automatic pistol designed by two brothers, Jan and Jaroslav Kratochvíl, in the early 1950s for the Czechoslovak military.[3] Around 200,000 vz. 52s were made by Česká Zbrojovka in Strakonice from 1952 to 1954.[3] Before standardizing on the 7.62×25mm vz. 52, the Czechoslovak military used several domestic and foreign pistol models in three different calibers. After 30 years of military service, the vz. 52 was eventually replaced by the 9×18mm Makarov caliber vz. 82. The CZ 52 is technically known as the vz. 52 as its Czech military designation, but is often referred to as the CZ 52 to differentiate it from the vz. 52 rifle which entered the export market before the pistol. (Description) The CZ 52 pistol is a roller-locked short recoil–operated, detachable box magazine–fed, single-action, semi-automatic pistol chambered for the 7.62×25mm Tokarev cartridge (the gun was originally designed for 9×19mm Parabellum caliber but due to political pressures had to be redesigned for the then-standard Soviet pistol cartridge). It weighs approximately two pounds unloaded. Military models feature either a parkerized finish or a gray oxide coating, while some CZ 52s were arsenal reblued in the 1970s. These re-finished guns are usually marked as such.[4] Ergonomically, the grip of the CZ 52 is long when measured from front to rear and slim from side to side with a low "hump" which meets the web of the hand at the rear. This causes the bore axis to sit high above the grip, resulting in a very strongly felt recoil. Due to its high muzzle velocity and projectile shape, certain higher pressure FMJ ammunition fired from the CZ 52 pistol will penetrate the lower rated NIJ IIA ballistic vest, but is stopped by a standard police issue NIJ II or better ballistic vests, (Operation) The CZ 52's operating controls consist of a single-action trigger, an external hammer, a magazine catch located at the heel of the grip frame, and a combination de-cock/safety lever located on the left rear side of the receiver aft of the left grip panel. The manual safety blocks movement of the sear, which prevents the hammer from releasing and firing a round. A second safety, in the form of a spring-loaded firing pin block, prevents the pistol from firing unless the trigger is pulled fully to the rear; this feature renders the pistol "drop safe". However, if the firing pin block spring has become worn, the pistol may be rendered unsafe in the event of a muzzle down drop, or in the case of other internals being worn, it may be drop safe only when "cocked and locked", for instance. Care should be taken when handling firearms of uncertain origin, and only a competent gunsmith should be relied upon to verify the safety mechanisms of surplus guns are intact. Because the sear must overcome the additional spring pressure of the firing pin block, an inherent feature of the CZ 52 is its unusually heavy trigger pull, often in the 8–10 pound range. The hammer is of the rebounding type, meaning that it does not contact the firing pin while in its uncocked position, and cannot do so unless the trigger is pulled, another safety feature.[6] It should be noted that using the decocker relies on the integrity of firing pin block; if the firing pin block is worn, an unintentional discharge can result when the decocker is engaged. (Ammunition) By the late 1990s, after the popularity of the surplus CZ 52 had started to increase, hollow-point ammunition in 7.62×25mm became available from custom shops. The pistol proved capable of handling extremely "hot" loadings, and many shops sell custom or hand-loaded ammunition. (CZ 52) CZ 52 pistol Type Semi-automatic pistol Place of origin Czechoslovakia (Service history) In service 1952–1982 (Czechoslovakia) (Production history) Designer Jan and Jaroslav Kratochvíl Designed 1952 Produced 1952–1954 No. built Approx. 200,000 (Specifications) Weight 0.95 kg (2.09 lb) Length 210 mm (8.3 in) Barrel length 120 mm (4.7 in) Cartridge 7.62×25mm Tokarev Action Recoil operated, roller locked Muzzle velocity 500 m/s (1,640 ft/s) Effective firing range 50 m Feed system 8-round detachable box magazine Sights Rear: notched and dovetailed front: fixed blade

[emprxssrxsxng]

For a moment Jasmine found herself taken aback by the blunt nature of what Parker had to say, though ultimately she appreciated the brutal honesty, even if the response left her with more questions than answers. "Like I said, I suppose I'll just have to take your word for it." She mused. Though, as the other continued she listened intently, working to put the pieces of the puzzle together. "I'm sorry you were hurt, Parker. I've had the misfortune of encountering an individual like that myself. Unfortunately, there is never anything pleasant about being caught in crosshairs like that. I'm just...Glad you seem to be okay. Relatively, at least." She added with a shrug. "Absolutely, that sounds like a plan. I appreciate you being such a willing companion. It isn't often I find myself with the opportunity to be quite so social. So, tell me something about yourself, Parker. Other than your vigilante work, what is it that you do?"

"TRUST ME. IT'S A LONG AS FUCK STORY. YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW." because it was a tragic tale, wasn't it? by all means, it seemed as if everyone wanted to know a thing or two about what had happened and he had been more than happy to tell at first but now? now, it had just gotten old very fast. "but let's just say that he's hurt a lot of people in a lot of different ways over the years and.. i was just the latest in a very long line." clearly, he hadn't been the only one but .. yeah. "likewise. and of course. i get this round and you get the next one? sound good?" @emprxssrxsxng

[screamsmeared]

"I KNOW A LOT OF MONSTERS..." her confidence faltered—she remembered knowing a lot of monsters. heard that she had knew plenty for real from other people. but how much of what she knew could reflect reality? maybe the people she knew, the people she remembered knowing, didn't even exist in this world... "but if everything is his fault, why blame yourself?" feelings didn't always make sense. lindsey could acknowledge that. her own often felt like a tangled mess, an ugly thing she had to hide at all costs—or be devalued the instant she didn't. it was difficult to move away from that even outside of the workplace. "royally fucking up doesn't make you irredeemable. otherwise all of us would be." she got the feeling that there were things parker would have liked to say that he couldn't, wouldn't say—some part that might help her understand. still, she didn't pry. she only tried to offer support. "i... don't really remember. i just know things that people have told me. most of what... well, i remember things that happened to other people, mostly." (@fcdcdmcmories)

"YOU DON'T KNOW THE SAME KIND OF MONSTER THAN I DO, THEN." and in a way, he was glad. he was glad that no one else had to deal with finn pederson in the way that he had, because ... the other was a different kind of monster. the kind of monster that he didn't wish upon anyone, because .. of course not. "everything is his fault. every single bad thing that has .. ever happened. you have no idea what he has done to people, lindsey. he is ... he is a monster." and as far as parker was concerned? there was no one worse than him and never had been. what he was doing to his own kid.. "doing the wrong things? yeah, it's.. that's the understatement of the year. the right thing to say would be that i royally fucked up and might have lost the love of my life forever." if he didn't do the bidding of her evil father, which ... yeah, would have been enough to scare people away. right. "you too, huh? WHAT KIND OF BAD SHIT HAPPENED TO YOU?" had to be bad. (@screamsmeared)

[sundrunked]

jason had never really been one for music, beyond some background noise while he drove, vague memories of his mom's indie cd collection back when he was a kid. but it wasn't a bad atmosphere, smoking in the park after a long day while some guy played guitar --- if it weren't for the fact that the guitarist was playing like he'd been dumped the night before. "seems like you need the vent more than i do," he replied, brows raised a little. "play your piece. you get cheated on or something ? "

HE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT HAD MADE HIM START PLAYING GUITAR AGAIN. MAYBE IT WAS.. WHO HAD ASKED HIM TO DO SO IN THE PAST. it was really all that he could do to keep his mind out of everything and as he waited for the right time to do what he had to do. not to mention that music had always been his escape.. even if when he played? his mind always went to the same place. he had been playing in the park -- a particularly sad song -- when he looked up and saw someone watching. "i know, i know, that was sad as hell," smiling sadly. how could it not be? "got any requests for what i should play next? promise i'll try to do my best when it comes to the happy ones."

@walstarterblog

[emprxssrxsxng]

Jasmine examined her newfound companion for a moment, brows knitting together slightly in an obviously unsure expression. Still, she figured that whatever issue had occurred was over, at least for the moment, and they were in a public enough space. "Not a good guy, huh?" She questioned. "Dare I ask what that entails?" Cocking an eyebrow she offered a small, slow smile which, to the right eyes, might have come across as sly. "It's nice to meet you as well, Parker. Even under the circumstances." When he offered the drink, Jasmine nodded slowly. "While you certainly don't have to do that, I won't turn it down. Provided, of course, you allow the one following to be on me."

"DO THAT. TRUST ME. HE WASN'T A GOOD GUY. he's a shady motherfucker who's hurt more people in his entire lifetime than most have. really." that was what kramer was, wasn't it? a shady piece of shit who had spent his life torturing others for not appreciating his life, when in truth, he was the problem. when in truth, he was a liar and a monster and frankly, he should have looked twice in thee mirror before pointing the finger at anyone else. truly. shouldn't he have? OH, YES. "parker sears. it's good to meet you, jasmine. next round is on me." (@emprxssrxsxng)

[screamsmeared]

"I'M GOING TO BE HONEST WITH YOU PARKER," she started, earnestly; "it's very rare for bad things to happen and for it to only be one person's fault. not impossible, but rare." every behavior was a reaction to something else. she couldn't say whether anyone's reaction was justified or understandable or normal without information, but she could be convinced that there was more at play than what meant the eye. especially where guilt was concerned. "whatever happened... i think it's worth considering that it's not just your fault. that people are people and... sometimes that means doing the wrong thing. or saying the wrong things." it struck her, miserably, that she couldn't use her own life to infer anything anymore. how would she know? how would she know anything? she shook doubt away. it held on tight. "what doesn't change is that it already happened. you can't change it, you can only move forward. we just—" oops, that was personal, "—just have to move forward, now." (@fcdcdmcmories)

"BUT I AM. SHE.. SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED AND .. IT WAS ALL MY FAULT," finn pederson was a monster, yes, but .. he was the one who had said all that he had. if he hadn't been like that? if he hadn't forgotten whose side he was on for a moment there? he would never been able to find her alone and yet and yet and yet .. he had and .. the only one to blame was himself. as if he couldn't hate himself more than he did. "so i do have to be ashamed. she.. we fought and we both said some very awful things and now, she's gone. now, there's a chance that i will never see her again and i keep .. thinking about how it could have all been different. how it was my fault that it was not." he looked down at the ground, realizing that his hands were shaking. that did tend to happen a lot now. "i get that. sometimes, i wish that i could forget, too." as he always would. "me too." (@screamsmeared)

[screamsmeared]

"I WOULD LOVE TO SAY YOU'RE WRONG." lindsey forced a laugh, a humorous tone. it was half-hearted. some people weren't like that, she wanted to say... but it was a weak defense and she knew it. yes, some people were compassionate and kind and determined to put others before their own needs. most weren't. most were selfish and cruel and greedy and human, too human. "but you're not," she said quietly, biting back a sigh. she wanted to believe in good, but reality was a harsh world to live in and maintain hope. what she had remembered had stomped out the little she had to begin with. "i don't know if i'd call myself lucky... nothing that i have remembered has been good. you have to have good times, right? where things were... better?" (@fcdcdmcmories)

"I WISH THAT THEY COULD BE. IN MY EXPERIENCE, THOUGH.. PEOPLE USUALLY CARE ABOUT NOTHING BUT THEIR INTERESTS." hadn't he seen that as clear as day? hadn't he seen that after he had gotten caught up between the pedersons? people cared about nothing but what suited him and thanks to his desperation to keep the woman that he loved safe.. he hadn't seen that he was getting himself into a much, much bigger mess. of course he was. "yeah, i thought that i had," thinking of val, who had so quickly become his best friend. who had so quickly become someone he didn't want to be without. but .. how could he explain to her that the love that he had for cecilia had never left? that perhaps it was never going to? that maybe he was always going to be .. connected to her? "he knew things that he was not supposed to know. we were careful and yet ... he knew our secrets all too well. it's SICKENING." nothing made him angrier. "no? maybe .. maybe that's for the best. maybe you're the lucky one, lindsey." (@screamsmeared)

[screamsmeared]

THERE IT WAS, CLEAR AS DAY. it all came down to love. all the best intentions paved the way to hell, but what created those intentions? love. the purest kind. the most dangerous kind. lindsey couldn't fault him for loving any more than she could fault him for breathing. "you don't have to be ashamed of that, parker." she felt sick. had she looked at his girlfriend's file, too? she couldn't see it in her mind... all she could see was his face with his eyes closed. "i get it. really, it's all wishful thinking on my part. i've barely remembered anything and i already wish i could just forget it all again." it wasn't fair for her to project that onto him, she knew that. "i just keep hoping for things to be better." (@fcdcdmcmories)

"MOST PEOPLE, YEAH," everyone had their own self-interests that they wanted to go after. parker knew that he was no different. he had always had one.. perhaps a little bit selfish interest in mind - keeping cecilia safe. nothing else had ever mattered more to him and perhaps, she didn't deserve that, but .. it'd never change. "isn't it? OF COURSE THAT IT'S A REALLY BAD THING. I JUST.." didn't know what to do? was more confused than he had ever been in the past? something like that. "she is. that's the problem. she's always going to be in my life, one way or another. loving someone in the way that i loved her .. it doesn't go away. trust me, i've tried. i've tried making it be different, i've tried everything and yet .. i just can't." even when they fought, he still loved her. maybe he always would. who knew? @screamsmeared

[screamsmeared]

SHE SPRUNG AT THE CHANCE TO SHOVE EVERYTHING INTO THE BACKGROUND, sweep it under the first available rug. she hoped he wouldn't notice the lumps. "yeah! yeah, i'm fine. i'm sorry. i'm a little spacey sometimes. i'm still... working through my own things." her own memories. her own feelings. parker was a part of that. the more he spoke, the more certain of that she became. everything was so familiar, so familiar, but still just out of reach... "i'm so sorry," she blurted, unsure of how to proceed. she didn't know him well, didn't know if he wanted sympathy or advice or a nod or... god, she could see his face in the photograph. DECEASED. "jigsaw did that to you?" not just jigsaw. that wasn't uncommon in his sick little games. pit people against each other and pretend the goal was anything but. "if you've been trying to be better, you're already nothing like her. or... who you were, for that matter. you can always be better than you were." (@fcdcdmcmories)

"ARE YOU.. DOING OKAY? sort of seems like you .. disappeared there for a second?" why was she looking at him as if she knew him? it seemed as if she had seen him before and ... well, that was a look that he wasn't quite alright with. a look that made it seem as if she had seen him before and.. well, that could be a problem.

"and no, we don't. we really don't. i thought .. i thought.. man, i thought i had let her go. i thought that i was over it. i mean .. that's the whole point . the trap that we were put in .. i didn't get it then but i get it now . the clues were all there. work. together. you've worked together all your lives and now, you find yourself against one another. it was all there. all we had to do was take turns on that fucking airhole and .. we would have been able to make it out. both of us. together. but she threw me under the bus and didn't even blink twice about it. he wanted me to see that.. i meant nothing to her." he was aware of what he sounded lke. a mad man, rambling about something that had happened a long time ago. and yet, here he was. "i wish i could believe that. i've been trying to be better, but .. maybe i'm just like her." (@screamsmeared)

[screamsmeared]

"NOT EVERYONE..." SHE WOULD REFUSE TO RELINQUISH THAT LAST SPARK OF HOPE, even as faint as it was. "but most people, yeah." she could be realistic and wish for a better world, couldn't she? sometimes it felt like a waste of time. most times, even. it was still all that she had left. "is that really such a bad thing?" she asked before she could stop herself, cringing the moment she regained control of her thoughts. that wasn't appropriate, particularly to someone she didn't know well. at all. but she still saw those bold print letters in her mind. she knew more than she should have. "i just mean... is she still in your life? maybe it's better to let go of... everything, if she's not." if she was, lindsey couldn't have imagined the difficulty. she didn't seem like a good person. certainly not someone deserved parker's forgiveness... or the time she clearly took up in his mind, for that matter. (@fcdcdmcmories)

"AND SADLY, I KNOW THAT I AM NOT. EVERYONE DOES WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM. NOT WHAT IS BEST FOR EVERYONE ELSE." wasn't that what had always been the truth? people were selfish and greedy and they pulled the string in their direction without a single care in the world. of course that they did. "yeah, i... i'm not," she had a point. regardless, after everything that had been happening recently? parker believed in the worst about people. he had no other choice. it was either that or fool himself and he couldn't let that happen again. no. he smiled sadly, nodding a little bit. "yeah, there are.. some good times. incredible times. the people, they were.. they were my family. they still are. and yeah, maybe we started out as a band of idiots that somehow found their way together, but.. we became family, over the years. supported each other. and when it comes to cecilia.. that's the thing. i know what she did. i know what she put me through, but.. the good times are sometimes stronger than the bad. sometimes, i remember how .. how happy we used to be. together. and it makes me want to forget the rest." (@screamsmeared)

[screamsmeared]

"THAT'S INTERESTING. YOU SEEM LIKE YOU'D MAKE A GOOD LEADER." he was well-spoken, attentive, and kind. not specific to leadership positions, but essential nonetheless. lindsey herself had found herself stuck between roles. on one hand, she had needed to be independent to make it in the force. on the other, most precincts were full of old men. they didn't give over control easily to a woman, particularly not one that was certain about her capabilities. had it been different before? she couldn't help but wonder. but her own problems paled in comparison to the story parker offered. stabbing. that word meant something to her. she could feel it in her bones. she didn't want to think about HERSELF. "i'm sorry," she said, reflexively. "i wouldn't want to have to relive that, either." (@fcdcdmcmories)

"MORE OF A FOLLOWER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN A LEADER , REALLY," or he used to be . he used to be , before life had forced him to be come .. well , someone different . someone different than the lovestruck idiot that he used to be. even if .. in some ways .. that was still who he was. some things never did change, after all. "i used to leave that to someone else , but ... as it turns out , i was better off not doing it ." he had been better off not doing so in the slightest and yes, he hated that . he did . "you mean .. do i remember my girlfriend - who i loved basically more than anything and anyone - stabbing me in the gut to save her own skin, after we were put in a trap by that jigsaw maniac ? yeah , i do . trust me . i'd love nothing more than to forget it." (@screamsmeared)

[screamsmeared]

A FEW THINGS CAUGHT LINDSEY'S ATTENTION; odd things that seemed to resonate with something squirming deep in the back of her mind. a memory. a memory of a photograph, of his face. why was she looking at a picture of his face? his eyes were closed. was he—talking now, bringing her out of her stupor. her. who was this her? lindsey wanted to ask, but didn't dare. this wasn't the time to poke and prod like he was a part of one of her cases. one of her cases, one of her cases... god, it was RIGHT THERE. gone again. "in my experience? feelings are never anything but complicated. we don't choose what we feel, parker." everyone wished otherwise. everyone. "but... just because someone means something to you doesn't mean you can't decide you deserve better." (@fcdcdmcmories)

"SO I'VE BEEN TOLD," that was enough to .. make him smile. he had never wanted to lead - he had more than content with following the woman that he loved anywhere, but .. that wasn't right anymore, was it? no. he didn't trust her to put their best interests first and not hers anymore and so , it was up to him to take care of his friends. to take care of the people that had become his family , time and time again . "it's just ... not something that i had to consider, until now. never thought i would have to. it was.. always her who called the shots and we were more than happy to follow , but .. it's different now. sadly." he looked down at the ground , nodding a little bit . "thanks . it wasn't pretty . you'd think that .. would be enough to make your feelings for someone disappear completely and to make you hate them , but .. as it turns out ... it's not as easy as i had been hoping . turns out she still means .. something to me." (@screamsmeared)