#fruit was my sister which is why i singled her out

[tamaruaart]

An introduction to my LMK characters :D

So I want to give you all an actual introduction to my LMK/JTTW babies-

So this will be that :) (Note: These are their lmk designs, I might post their jttw book designs some other time)

Zhaoyan "Zhao" Whang'e🍑

Zhaoyan is a Peach Maiden with the gift of healing that was passed down to the girls in her family. Zhao is very calm and motherly, she mostly just takes care of the plants and fruits from the Celestial Realm. However when she's not in the Celestial Realm, she's in Megapolis keeping MK company, MK and Zhao have a very Aunty-Nephew relationship.

Though she might seem social considering she's very good with kids and doesn't seem to have trouble with appealing to people, Zhao is very quiet and actively tries not to make many friends. This is mostly because of her past problems with her relationship towards her family and friends. With her leaving her family because of their mistreatment towards her, and the death of some people that were very close to her, who's death she still hasn't fully recovered from. But don't you worry, MK and Mei are working on helping her past these issues with the help of the gang™ >:)

Quanshuǐ Wǔ🌺

Quanshuǐ is a very warm and sweet person! She's talkative and loves animals. Though she is very sweet she's incredibly clumsy, often messing things up. In her past this lead her to be very critiqued by her fellow Flora Maidens, they would nag her day and night about how she just messes everything up. Because of this Quanshuǐ developed HUGE self worth issues and anxiety.... Or at least until she met Zhao

Zhaoyan was the sister Quanshuǐ never had, instead of tending to flowers who won't judge her all day, she was hanging around the many Gardens of peaches in the celestial realm. Eventually Quanshuǐ took a crack at people again by trying to befriend the other Peach Maidens as well, which she succeeded in doing!

The Peach Maiden's are sorta like her aunties now. She still has a bit of anxiety but for once instead of being around people who make her feel worthless over every single mistake, she's around people who love and appreciate her for who she really is :'))

(The sparrow named Huā is Quanshuǐ's best buddie. Quanshuǐ found Huā injured in the forest one day while she was tending to a rose bush. She took Huā to Zhao so she could heal her, and Zhao told Quanshuǐ she could take care of the sparrow because Zhao isn't the best with any other animals that aren't cats lol)

Yueliang "Yue"🌙

(off topic but why my man be standin' there like: 🧍‍♂️)

Yueliang or Yue as they call him, is an immortal Moon Spirit. He was born from a magical orchid that only grows on the Moon and after Chang'e- the goddess of the Moon found him she decided to take Yue in. Even these days he visits Chang'e very very often. Because that is his mama :>

Yue is a very silly and a "talk before you think" kinda' guy. He's very, very, very charismatic, respectless and chaotic. Nowadays he acts as a Jade Messenger because of his incredible speed. He delivers messages from the Jade Emperor to the other deities, sometimes he even delivers fake rude messages just to cause drama. He gets punished every time but he's just like "Yk what? T'was worth it. >:)".

Not to mention that Zhao and Quanshuǐ are his number 1 prank victims. He once turned all the Immortality Peaches invisible and the Peach Maidens & Quanshuǐ were just freaking the heck out, and he was just spying on them being like: Hehe look at them go :D

And ye, that's everyone for now! If I do make more LMK OCs I will edit this post. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you'll enjoy these little fella's as much as I do! :)

[ahigherdestiny]

Headcanon: Kais/Shinjin/Glinds and gender + sex

Disclaimer: I just wanna state my own view on this point based on Shins line in the newest episode of Daima. These are my opinions on this topic and absolutely not canon or true or anything! Please consider this before reading. You are always welcome to discuss things with me or others but please stay constructive and friendly.

TL;DR: Do I see Shin and the Glinds as genderless/sexless? No. Will I keep Shins and Bontos gender and sex as well as the activity of sex for me, my stories, my art and my blog in general? Yes.

And here is why!

First of there are many reasons for me to keep things like they are on this blog. The most important for me is that I like it that way. Simple as that.

But wait, there is more!

Glinds don’t have a gender:

As you can see Shin said it himself. This should obviously be the main proof and close the case for me, right? Well, I have some issue with this because of two things: language/translation and gender representation.

I don’t speak japanese, so I will take my time to do some research later. Though I take this statement with a pint of salt, simply because he says “gender”, not “sex”. In english there are massive differences between these two words. Sex refers to the genitals and bodily function of reproduction while gender is the overall appearance and recognition as feminine, masculine or otherwise. In my native tongue there are no two separate words for these interpretations, but just a single one (which can be heckin confusing). If it is the same in japanese I have to find out later. I don’t deny that today, in such a connected and open world, the studio or translators put this wording with the right idea and intention into this place. Could totally be! But at first I will stay skeptical of that statement, simply I still lack some very important background here.

The fact that Shin says “gender” in the english translation simply implies for me, that all glinds are non-binary representing, which I personally don’t really see as fitting comparing this to the first episode and character sheets from Toei. Shin is always referred to with masculine pronouns and stated as a brother, same with Degesu. Their sister Dr. Arisu is referred to with feminine pronouns, praised for her beauty (a social structure amongst us humans mostly used with feminine presenting individuals) as well shown with an obvious feminine body structure and clothes to show it pretty good. Seeing the other inhabitants of the Demon Realm we can definitely say that Glinds know what gender and sexes are and mean to the individual. So, there is stuff showing us that this statement cant be correct, right?

The Glinds totally can still be non-binary! Yes, I don’t deny that. Though this usually depends on an individual themselves and not on an entire race. Saying ALL Glinds are non-binary is very strange for me and that’s why I cant really believe it.

So, as long as there are no new statements on these two parts of the conversation, I stay with a he/him for Shin and Bonto. If Im wrong with the series, then I don’t really care, simply because I prefer them like this on my blog.

Fruits don’t have (a) sex:

This is something that haunts me for years now and the new series doesn’t make it any better. If Shin isn’t talking about gender then is he talking about sex? But, even Goku mentioned that Shin must be a fruit or plant, which obviously don’t need a sex or sexual intercourse, right?

Well, if we really want to compare the Glinds with regular earth fruit or plants... then yes. Earth fruits are simply a baby-plant covered in nutritious material that helps the sapling to grow in the beginning of their lives. Many fruits are also delicious for animals so that they can carry the seeds far away to new grounds. Comparing that to Glinds its kinda similar. They hang from their mother tree as babies und walk around. We don’t know yet what happens when a Glind dies and/or if they can transform into a Glind tree, but it’s a possibility.

But fruits don’t need a sex, right? Wrong again, simply because this is how earth plants work. Plants and similar individuals like fungi have sexes! And not even two of them, but many many more and so many different variants! That’s how they mix their DNA and prevent inbreeding. That’s how we humans changed some of their DNA and breed different species together to new plants we use now (our first apples were tiny and rare compared to the big monsters we now know). And that’s why I also see that Glinds can be born with sexes. Depending on the things they need to do with their DNA-like information later on in their life having a sex and genitals for mixing might be necessary.

(Yes, Im fully aware that they can be totally build bonkers with DNA and genitalia and bodily functions, since Glinds are just not the same like earthlings in any way! But I wanna keep things smooth here and I think Toriyama liked the simplicity of just putting earth-like structures onto aliens. I mean, Goku and Vegeta can mix their alien DNA with humans!)

Last point: do Glinds have to have sex? Yes. Even if they are simply a fruit and not a tree, which does all the pollinating stuff here on earth while the fruit is just the offspring, I can totally see it being a thing. For one, their bodies might just easily be built like this during all their generations. They grow and mature from a baby stage to adulthood, just like humans do. Its not a big thing for nature to involve something onto their bodies to make reproduction easier, right? That would also be a reason for the gender dimorphism Shin and his siblings show.

Even if Dr. Arisu can artificially or magically modify her body to simply look “female”, it would still be a hint for my second point here: social benefit. Sex for us humans isn’t just for the babymaking. We crave sex for its intimacy, its fun, its power, its releasing magic and many more reasons. It bonds us and I think its also something a race like Glinds would be using, too. Even if they really don’t need something for reproduction, I can absolutely see sex as a part of their social and cultural life as a group. For me, there is no way they wouldn’t other than they don’t want to.

And that’s why I will keep going with Shin and Bonto having sexes and sexual intercourse.

Thats all I have. Thanks for reading and have a nice day! :)

[boldlyvoid]

Where There is Love, There is Life | Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Choice | for @elriel-month 2024

Summary: Elain trains, Azriel Gossips, and Lucien learns the truth.

Warnings: made up Daglan lore, mentions of HOFAS, history of bonds, Helion and Lucien talk

Word Count: 6k | Masterlist

Sitting in Helion’s personal library once again, there is a sheet of paper, an ink well and pen, and a stack of books almost as tall as Elain. And that’s just what Helion has deemed important for todays lesson. The walls are covered in books, well, 3 of them are. The fourth is dedicated to a chalkboard adorned with thoughts, theories and numbers she doesn’t yet understand. 

“Now that we’ve gone over astrology, did you happen to get all the birthdays of your inner circle?” Helion asks, pushing the pen and paper towards her. 

“I thought we were doing numerology today?” Elain asks, realizing she never brought the sheet of paper with the dates on it. 

“We are,” he smiles. Today’s one of the rare hot days in spring, so her eyes dart from his smile to his big muscled arm that he has on show. The shirt he’s wearing can barely be considered a shirt at this point; it just covers his nipples and stomach… but she’s not complaining. 

“Then why—

“Everyone has a life path number, which you get by adding up the numbers of one birth month and day,” he continues. “The easiest way to learn how to calculate the number is through repetition. So, start with your own and then your sisters; we can move on to the bat boys in a moment.” 

The term makes her smile. She straightens her back, grabs the pen, and starts to write. “My birthday is May 16th.” 

“It is?” He lights up. “Well, we’ll have to throw you a party, then!” 

“Oh, no, no, it’s okay,” she waves him off. “I might go home for the day.” 

He nods, “Or we could invite your court here? There is a beautiful plot of land my Pegasus frequents. It’s lush with flowers and fruit trees; I think it would be the perfect spot to celebrate you.” 

She blushes; it sounds magnificent. “If it’s not too much—

“It would never be too much,” he assures her. “Now, May is already a single number. You’ll have to add 1 and 6 together…” 

“So 5 plus 7,” she starts to write. “My number is 12.” 

“It can also be simplified down to 3,” he smiles. “Out of everyone I’ve ever met, you radiate 3 more than I’ve ever thought possible.” 

He pulls a book from the pile, flips through some pages and slides it in front of her. “See here; people with life path number 3 are creative spirits driven by their infinite imagination. Which is why the cauldron must’ve gifted you with sight. It knew you could see the wildest visions and still decode them.” 

She continues to read the pages, absorbing the knowledge— some of it does sound like her. Like not being able to pick a singular hobby but rather jumping back and forth between everything she enjoys. She would go crazy without baking, gardening and cross-stitching. An independent, free spirit, she’s not restrained by others' expectations of her. Yet, she also loves being around people. Having friends outside of her sisters for the first time has truly changed her life. She felt so lost without Nuala and Cerridwen; she misses them so much right now. She’ll have to ensure they come for her birthday and not lift a finger the whole day! They deserve a break.

“Anything sticking out?” Helion asks. 

She nods, “a few things… I’m definitely unable to stay organized. Ask Feyre; my greenhouse is a mess on a good day.” 

“Speaking of the High Lady, what is her birthday?” 

“December 21st,” she starts to write it down. “December is 12, so that becomes 3… the 21st also becomes 3, so her number is 6.” 

“Exactly,” Helion beams. “Were you this good in school, too?” 

“All 7 years that I was able to go,” she says with a sigh. “I learned what was important, my mother said that once I was married I’d only need to focus on keeping a house together. She said I’d never need advanced math.” 

Helion presses his lips together awkwardly, “Well, at least this math isn’t hard.” 

She simply flips the pages, finding the information on the meaning of 6… which is exactly how she would describe her sister. She starts to laugh at it; it’s way too accurate. 

“As a child and young adult, responsibility was always there on your 6 Life Path, but you may have rebelled against it,” she reads. “You will learn a lot about parenting in this life time. But you are also here to create, to learn that creativity has many forms, and is not confined only to creating a biological family.”

Helion smiles. “She did make a son as beautiful as her paintings.” 

“That she did,” Elain sighs, chest full of pride. 

The 6 Life Path teaches you that you are primarily accountable to yourself, that family members and relatives do not own each other, and that love thrives when it is able to flow freely in all directions.

She’s always loved her sisters and always will… however loving them became a lot easier when they weren’t all sharing a bed. Knowing Feyre is on the other side of her massive mansion of a home, knowing she could just walk to her when she needs her, that’s a blessing. Knowing Nesta is just a quick trip to the House of Wind, living her best life with people who love her, that’s all she’s ever wanted for Nesta. 

Being apart somehow brought them closer together. 

“Nesta is April 13th,” she says, starting to write once again. “4 and 4 is 8… she has an 8-pointed star on her back.”

Helion’s eyes widen, “like the lost sword Gwydion.” 

She nods, not allowing her face to change at all. It sure was still lost… it’s totally not in Nesta’s possession.

She turns back a page, finding it interesting that she and her sisters are so close in number and yet such polar opposites of each other. That’s life, though. 

“The path of Empowerment,” she reads, filled with pride, once more… it fades when she starts to read and it gets too real. 

The 8 Life Path signifies a lifetime of investing in yourself and overcoming judgments that stand between you and your strong ambitions. Modern numerology often diminishes 8’s meaning with an almost exclusive focus on material and financial matters. Yes, 8 is the number of power on the physical plain, but it is also the number of true understanding and balance, without which personal power is superficial and material gain is easily lost.

“I love her,” she whispers, trying not to cry. “She struggles in silence and lets it eat at her until that hunger needs to bite at someone else.” 

Helion nods along, “But it’s all about balance. While she may be in her head, thinking she deserves or doesn’t deserve certain aspects of her life… she’s powerful. Not too selfish, she’s able to use her hurt and her experiences to connect. She networks and organizes, and she’s convincing. I heard about her little dance with Eris last year. I saw how she captivated the high lords during the war and managed to change even Berons mind. The bad comes with the good, making her a perfect 8.”

Elain nods along, finding her smile once more. “She is… everything.” 

“Believe me, I know,” he teases. Still hitting on her no matter how long she’s been mated. “Now, do you remember the others?” 

“I believe so… they’re on my desk in my room,” she shares. 

“I’ll have someone bring them to us,” he assures, waving in a servant. 

She writes down Azriel’s. January 27th. An Aquarius, and after her lesson the other day, nothing fits better for him. He lives in his head, thinks outside the box, and has a deep sense of justice. He's an easygoing loner, and he’s an air sign. It’s no wonder he loves to fly. One of a kind with beautiful eyes, they say what they think with great eloquence… that’s her Az. 

His life path number, however, is 1. 

“Ah… of course,” Helion says as he reads over her shoulder. “One typically takes care of themselves, stand on their own two feet and always get what they want.” 

She smirks, blushing again. “He does.” 

Once again, on his page of the book, she reads everything… but it’s not right. “He��s not self-centred or insensitive?” 

“With you,” Helion reminds her. “At work, when he’s the spymaster, the shadowsinger… he has to put himself first; he has to not care because bringing feelings into an interrogation will backfire on him.” 

“I guess,” she continues to read. 

But because 1 is the first number, being at the top – being first – is your natural place. You will gain the maximum satisfaction from this energy when, instead of using it to compete, you use its pioneering vibrations to carve new roads in areas that interest you the most.

“He is the best at what he does,” she can agree with that. “Oh, and it says concentration is one of the splendid gifts a number 1 has. When he’s been given a command, he’s always so focused on getting the job done.” 

“No wonder you’re so happy,” Helion nudges her. 

She shoves him back. “Yes, and It says here: Practice the art of leadership by welcoming and encouraging your ‘following’, while confidently maintaining your position as originator and leader. Others soon realize that you will not be tricked into anything that goes against your grain or best interests.”

“That’s your man,” Helion agrees. Standing from his seat, he meets the servant at the door and takes her note. “The most powerful High Lord was born on the Eve of Samhain… when the veil between worlds is at its thinnest. When magic is at its height.” 

“So his number would be…. October is 10, so that’s a 1, and 31 becomes 4, so he’s a 5,” she says with glee. “He and Feyre are just a number apart.” 

“5s are an interesting breed,” Helion hesitates, sitting back down beside her, he takes a deep breath. “They’re intense, both emotionally and sexually. Their body, mind and emotions are equipped to easily adapt to change… However, they either flourish with the change or are overwhelmed by it. 5s are able to change their inner attitudes and outer appearances to suit different circumstances” 

“That’s my brother-in-law,” Elain laughs. 

The book states: 5 is an active and unpredictable path. It is so filled with sudden and unusual events and opportunities that you sometimes become confused by it or afraid of it. Once in a while, these 5s do let go, or the 5 current becomes so strong that they are swept away into some kind of drama, only to miss the excitement of it all because they believe they are simply out of control. The freedom of 5 starts with a burning desire to live life as fully, freely, and openly as possible and to experience variety, excitement and adventure. And, of course, these desires can only come from within. Refusing to let go of what is safe and familiar so that you can discover alternatives is a large part of what causes a mistake to be repeated. And most 5s do seem to repeat the same old mistakes, often without realizing it. Admitting to your mistakes can be a battle in itself. Accept that mistakes are inevitable in your life because that is how 5s learn and prosper.

“I’m going to need a scribe to copy this for him,” Elain teases. “He could learn a thing or two.” 

Helion smirks, crossing his arms as he sits back in his chair. “Have you ever been on the wrong end of one of his decisions?” 

“Just last week,” she shares. “He thought it was okay to tell Az to stay away from me so he could keep a good connection with Lucien and the Human Queen, Vassa. Not taking into account that fact that I may want say in my future.” 

Helion nods slowly, “Sounds like Rhysand.” 

She lets it roll off her shoulders, “I settled it. He’s learning, albeit slowly, but he’s learning how to deal with the Archeron sisters.” 

“How does Cassian deal with you all? Being a Cancer and all,” he pushes the paper towards her. 

“July 9th…” she reads aloud. “That would be 7 and 9, so 16 becomes 7.” 

“Perfectionists, prone to secrecy, but as they get older, that need to protect themselves goes away,” Helion explains. “Knowing Cassian as long as I have, he had a hard time trusting people to be as good as he was; he did work while with his legion because he knew that he would be the one to get shit done right.” 

“And now he’s accepted that the rest of us are there to help him and he’s not alone,” Elain smiles softly. “What else?” She asks as she flips in the book. 

“Deep thinker, a cleaver planner… he’s the orchestrator. It’s why he leads armies and he will go down in history as the best warrior since Enalius.” 

She finds a passage that is so Cassian, she sits up straighter as she reads it: Your intuition enables you to sense and feel your way through life. Positive results will follow when you learn to rely on the combined voice of your thoughts and feelings. While others sit perplexed by a problem, you can produce the right answer, instinctively, in one intuitive flash. And once you have the solution, your intuition will take you inward and backward to show you how you arrived at it.

Helion nods along. “Numerology is one of my favourite aspects of divination. Numbers are everywhere, you’ll start noticing them more and more now that you’ve learned this.” 

“How so?” 

“You’ll notice that you look at the clock at specific times every day, without real reason. You’ll notice things come in packs of 3 or 8 or 12. You might even have numbers in your dreams…. And in visions, speaking of which, have you had any since you’ve been here?” 

She shakes her head, “No, I haven’t had one in a few weeks. They only come to me when they want to.” 

He hums, “okay… Tomorrow, I wanted to do some hydromancy, but I think it’s time we look more into clairvoyance and clairaudience. Both are extrasensory perception; the mother or the cauldron or whatever you believe in either whisper the future into your ears or show you glimpses of the future.” 

“I have had both,” she assures. “During the war, I had no idea what was happening and while I kept seeing the firebird who ended up being Vassa, the ravens were first whispered to me. I kept hearing ‘the ravens are coming’ and it confused me so much.” 

Helion starts looking around at all his personal books, reading the titles, but he cannot find what he wants. “I’m going to have a book delivered to your room tonight,” he explains. “You don’t have to read it all. However, it will be a good introduction to what we will be discussing soon.” 

She nods, “are you sure we should have a large lesson tomorrow, given that Lucien is coming?” 

His eyes widen, as if he forgot that was happening. “What if we meet here at dawn? You can join me for my meditation to get in the zone for the day and I’ll have breakfast dropped off here so we can begin early.” 

She nods, “I would like that.” 

—

Azriel’s shadows are like a second skin to him after 500 years. He almost doesn’t notice when they come and go, not until they’re whispering secrets and warnings to him. It takes a while for him to realize that his shadows disappear around Elain. They can find her, they can follow her if he asks, yet when she’s close, they leave. He’s not sure if it’s for privacy or because they know he’s completely safe with her… out of everyone in the world, Elain is the only person he’s truly safe with. 

When he returns to the day court, his shadows simply say that she’s in the library and dissipate. 

He heads to the main library, the first of many in the day court, the closest to the palace. Inside, he can’t scent her over the smell of old books… yet there is a hint of Ash. His shadows come rushing back, worried for him after everything he’s been through in the last few years. He’s been hit with more ash arrows and faebane in the last 3 years than he has in his whole life, which is saying something. 

He follows the smell, a hand on the truth teller as he approaches an alcove. He knows the female sitting at the table, at least from what he can see of her over the stacks of books: Nuan, the Alchemist from the Dawn Court. He knew she’d be here; she had been here all week, researching the Ash family to see all that it could do to the Fae. 

He clears his throat, alerting her to his presence and making her jump in her seat slightly. “Oh, hello, Lord Azriel.” 

He grimaces, shaking his hands, “Please, it’s just Azriel.” 

“Azriel,” she settles with a smile. “Is there something I can help you with?” 

He shakes his head, “I was looking for Elain, I think I have the wrong library.” 

“Ah,” she smiles, having guessed that the high lady’s sister and the spymaster were together. “Well, since you’re here, I have a question.” 

He approaches her, standing beside her work table, “What can I do for you?” 

“I’ve come across a book on the Daglan, the history of the start of Prythian and old folklore,” she explains. “Do you know anything about how they were conquered?”

Az takes a deep breath and assesses if he should tell her. Rhys would be pissed… not as pissed as when Nesta gave Bryce the mask, but still pissed. If answers come from this, however, he might not stay mad for long. 

So Az takes a seat. 

“Where do I even start,” he can’t help but laugh. 

He started when Bryce arrives, explaining their trip to the prison and the history they uncovered. Theia and her daughters, the Daglan, the portals to other worlds… how they concurred worlds and were overthrown only twice and finally destroyed by the portal-jumping half-fae who stole his dagger. He explains how the Daglan corrupted the cauldron and created the monsters now locked in the prison in the night court…. And how the same portals they used to jump worlds brought in the beasts that hunt in The Middle. Beings like the kelpie, the weaver and whatever Amren was before the war. Even Koshcei. 

“Cauldron almighty…” she swears, jaw dropped as her eyes wander, thinking a mile a minute in her mind. “Do you know how they corrupted the cauldron?” 

He shakes his head, “not fully. The original 8 Asteri— that is the Daglan’s true name. They pooled their power together and imbued it into the cauldron… they made the dread trove as well as Gwydion and Truth Teller.”

“Did you learn how to fix it?” Nuan asks, begging for answers just as he did that day he learned all this. “Learn why they did it?”

“No, I did, however, allow one of my shadows to go with Bryce to Midgard. The Asteri, when they were here, there was a tithe to absorb a percentage of our power; in Midgard, they created a parasite to infest the water and stifle their magic until they came of age. The coming of age ceremony was called the drop, once they partook they gave a portion of their power to the Asteri and their powers were unlocked. They were not as powerful as they could be, but they were just enough to live a long, long life. Those who didn’t partake faded away into nothing with age, like a human would.”

“And Bryce defeated them?” 

He nods, “She almost died in the process… which is another way the daglan took power. The power they took in the drop was called first light, the power they take after death is called second light. Once they took it, they didn’t get to go to the forever resting place some believe is out there. They became nothing.” 

Nuan slumps in her seat. Rubbing her hand over her face. “This is so much bigger than a family of trees…” 

Az laughs, “believe me, it was a lot to take in when it was happening. Now, we’re left with the knowledge and no way to fix the cauldron. We don’t even know in what ways they corrupted it; what they changed.” 

“The cauldron holds water,” Nuan reminds him. “They might’ve gotten the idea for the parasite from what ever they did to the cauldron.” 

He hums, thinking about it. “Are you coming to dinner tonight in the great hall?” 

She nods, “why?”

“Elain might be able to tell you about what the water in the cauldron was like,” he explains. “Seeing as she was the first one dunked into it, and she was blessed by it…” 

“Unlike the other sister who stole from it,” Nuan knows. The whole of Prythian knew that the oldest Archeon sister was to be feared for what she did that day. They just don’t know she gave the power back.

“Would I be allowed to see the cauldron?” She asks. 

He takes a deep breath, thinking it over. “Rhys and Feyre will be here in a few days, they, and Helion, can discuss if it’s a safe option for you.” 

She nods, agreeing. “I appreciate the help today. I um… I figured out something, I think it’s something you and Lady Archeron would like to know.” 

“Go on,” he pulls in even closer, anxious to know what she’s uncovered in her days of research. 

“While Ash wood can kill us, the blooming leaves of the Ash tree can be used as a tea. The Daglan did awful, horrific experiments on the fae, all of which were recorded… ingesting the leaves doesn’t maim the drinker. Instead, it gifts them with dreams of their one true love. The Daglan put a stop to the tea the moment they found out what it could do, and now I’m guessing it’s because they corrupted the cauldron to change how bonds work. The dreams would show a true love match; the cauldron now wants powerful offspring because the Dagaln fed from them for so long.” 

It all hits Azriel like a brick wall. “So if I take the tea…” 

“You’ll know the truth,” Nuan smiles. “So will Lady Archeron.” 

—

Feyre and Rhys arrive with Lucien right at noon, greeted by Elain and Helion in the golden courtyard. Helion’s hand is on Elain’s back, and she glances at him, noticing he’s holding his breath while staring at his son. Taking in all his features, noticing all the parts that are himself and what parts are Lucien's mother…, his heart breaks when he sees the scar on his face, knowing there are more scars he keeps inside. 

“Welcome!” Elain takes over for him, breaking away from Helion to meet with him. “Lucien, it’s nice to see you.” 

Surprisingly, she opens her arms and brings him in for a hug. 

He’s a bit shocked, but accepts. Holding her close, smelling Azriel on her. He pulls back with concern on his face, “Did the shadowsinger fly you in?” 

She shakes her head, “he’s been staying here during my training, assuring I stay safe after what happened with the cauldron the last time I started looking for answers.”

It's not a lie, just not the whole truth, either. 

“In your bed?” He chuckles, “I was wondering when you’d finally get together.” 

“You wouldn’t be upset about it?” 

He shakes his head, “I don’t own you; you’re free to make your own choices. I’ve been alive for over 300 years; you haven’t. I’d like to see you make your own choices and mistakes and find happiness.” 

She pulls him in for another hug. " Oh, Lucien, thank you! I expected you to want to follow the cauldron's orders.”

Lucien soaks in the hug, eyes closed as he holds her. “This is the one time I’m not going to blindly follow someone's orders. I’ve learned my lesson.”  

“It’s also why we’re here,” Rhysand says from behind them. “We’ve learned quite a few things about the cauldron, things that you should be made aware of.” 

“The uh, the dining room is all set up for lunch if you’d care to join me in there for this meeting,” Helion finally speaks. “It’s lovely to have you here, Lucien.” 

He reaches out his hand for Helion, “Thank you for inviting me. I’ve always loved visiting the day court.” 

They all agreed it’s completely up to Helion when he tells Lucien; if he ever tells him. This meeting is about the information Nuan found in her research, how to find one's true love and what the Daglan did to mating bonds. 

They gather around the dining table and fill their plates with sandwiches, fruits, and vegetables with dips, cheeses and meats. Its a wonderful spread that his kitchen staff makes on the regular. Elain is going to have to start incorporating these into her own meal rotation at home. 

“What is it you wish to tell me,” Lucien asks between bites. 

Rhysand looks to Elain and then Helion, “Who would like to explain?” 

“I can,” Elain assures, putting down her sandwich and taking a sip of her bubbly wine first before continuing. “Last spring, we had an unexpected visitor in the Night Court. She jumped from her world to ours thanks to the Harp— the 4th forgotten item from the dread trove.”

Lucien's eyes widened. “Is world jumping real? I thought it was a myth?” 

Elain sighs, “It’s very real. You need specific items to do it the right way. However, Bryce was brought here to learn more about her heritage. She was the original Queen Theia’s long-lost ancestor… it turns out that Theia killed Fionn, took the trove and opened a portal to another world that the Daglan had overtaken after they were kicked from our world. There, Theia confirmed that the Daglan, now the Asteri, are just power-hungry monsters who feed off our power. When they were here, they used the cauldron to create deadly weapons, horrible monsters they could hunt for sport, and they corrupted the cauldron to ensure that mate bread more powerful beings they could feed off of.” 

“Holy shit,” Lucien can’t believe it. 

“Nuan, who fixed your eye,” Elain continues, waiting for Luciens mind to catch up, he nods. “She has been doing research for us. The wood of the ash tree is deadly for us, however the Ash tree is a cousin of the olive tree…” 

She picks up an olive with her fork and eats it, “how can one thing kill us and the other be so delicious?” 

“That is a fascinating question,” Feyre says under her breath. 

“Nuan discovered that the Daglan discovered a tea that would allow for the taker to dream of their one true love and those who were able to could then Scry to find them,” she continues with a large smile. “Before the Daglan corrupted the bonds, all mates were assigned together for the purpose of true and happy love. They outlawed the tea because they didn’t want true love bonds anymore, they only wanted powerful offspring.” 

“Are you saying we aren’t a true love bond?” Lucien clues in, shoulders slumping. “I mean, I knew it wasn’t a strong love, I just didn’t expect it to not be true love.” 

Elain shakes her head, feeling sorry for having to break the news to him, “no, the Daglan would collect a tithe from us, taking 10% of our power that we willingly gave to them each year. They wanted a way to still take 10%, they just wanted a stronger 10% so they corrupted the cauldron to make mates who would produce powerful offspring that would satiate them.” 

“Like my parents and Tamlin’s,” Rhysand adds. “They did not love each other; they have just been born through the generations to continue to make powerful children, even after the Daglan left.” 

“How do we fix it?” Lucien asks. 

“We’re still working on that,” Helion jumps in. “Elain is still learning all that she can do with her power so we can attain more answers.”

“So far, I’ve learned basic divination, meditation and relaxation, tarot, astrology, and my favourite has been numerology,” she beams at him. “When is your birthday?” 

“Um, October 3rd,” he shares. “My mother tried to have all of us in the autumn.”

Helion stares at his plate, moving around his side salad and not saying anything. 

“So that would make you a life path number 4,” Elain explains. “Life path number 4’s spend most of their life looking for their true identity. You find accomplishment through hard work. You have great self-discipline. 4 teaches the value of determination, effort, simplicity, and dependability.”

He nods along, slowly taking it all in. “That… that sounds right. What would someone born on January 1st be?”

“A 2,” Elain answers without missing a beat, making Helion smile. 

“She is the best student I’ve ever had,” he compliments, staring right at Feyre. “I don’t want to give her back.” 

“I’ll come visit you,” Elain assures him. 

“What does 2 mean?” Lucien wonders, something like urgency on his tone.

“Um,” she looks to Helion for a bit of support. He nods his head slightly, reminding her that she’s got this. “the energy of 2 does not seek to control but to achieve balance. Those born on the 2 Life Path have the potential to lead the way for humanity through their refined powers of persuasion, their ability to inspire on an emotional level, and most importantly, their desire to bring equality and peace to this planet.”

Lucien blushes slightly, looking down at his plate. “She is going to change the world.” 

“Who?” Feyre asks, sitting up straighter. Happy for her friend.

“Vassa,” Lucien beams. “Don’t tell her, but I’m— I think I’m falling in love with her.” 

Elain places her hand on her heart, “This is wonderful news, Lucien!” 

“Thank you. I’m excited to take this tea now, to see if my true love match is her… even if it isn’t, even if it was Jesminda, I still want to be with Vassa.” 

“We’re still looking into her curse,” Helion assures him. “I’ll do anything I can to help you get to keep her.” 

“Thank you, Helion,” Lucien smiles. 

They look so similar it blows Elain’s mind. How does he not see it? It should be like looking in a mirror for him. 

“The teas will be delivered to our rooms tonight,” Elain assures. “We are all taking it. Some has even been sent back to Nesta and Cassian to check. Morrigan and Amren are taking it as well.” 

“What does this mean for you two?” Lucien asks Feyre and Rhys. 

They look at each other and smile. Rhys is quick to hold her hand above the table, “we know the truth. This love we have between us in unbreakable.” 

“I personally believe that the reason why mating has become so hard. People were shocked to find out that all 3 of us were mated so soon after becoming fae. It’s unheard of for a whole family to find a mate.” Feyre adds. “The Cauldron picked up to help it. I think the cauldron misses when it was dedicated to giving out love and life to these lands.” 

“So we bring it back,” Helion announces, holding up his glass. “No matter what it takes, we bring true love back to Prythian.” 

Everyone raises their glasses in response, dedicated to the task at hand. 

—

That night she sits in bed beside Azriel, a mug of steaming tea in both of their hands. “Are you sure?” She asks. 

“I want to know… even if it’s not you; even if I’m meant for no one, I want to know and love you anyway,” Azriel assures. 

“And if we do dream of each other?” 

Azriel’s eyes soften; he’s more beautiful than ever before. “Then we’ll know why we’ve wanted one another so badly.” 

“Do you think this tea will make us tired or just aid in our dreams when we do fall asleep?” She asks. 

A knowing smirk grows on his face, “Why?” 

She takes another sip and places her almost empty cup on her night table; Azriel follows her lead and does the same. She quickly straddles his hips, hands on his shoulders, “because I would like to remind you just how badly I’ve wanted you all this time.” 

—

Elain and Azriel are the last to arrive at the breakfast table the nest morning. Hand in hand, matching smiles plastered to their faces. 

They dreamt of each other last night. 

Feyre is sitting in Rhys’ lap, being hand-fed cantaloupe while Lucien laughs. Helion shakes his head with a smile. "Well, I take it you had good dreams?” the golden High Lord asks.

Elain nods, “We had the same dream… us and our daughter playing in the grass behind our home on the Sidra.” 

Feyre places a hand to her heart, “the same girl you’ve seen before?” 

“You’ve seen her before?” Azriel can’t believe it. 

Elain nods, “We adopt her from Illyria, seeing as I can’t have babies for us.” 

Azriel kisses her head, “we’ll create the family we deserve.” 

They take a seat side by side, across from Lucien, “So, what did you dream of?” 

“Fire,” Lucien explains, smile building. “Blinding, bright fire that took over all my senses.” 

“Your firebird,” Feyre swoons. 

He nods, overjoyed with love in his eyes, “My firebird… Helion, who did you see?” 

He takes a deep breath, thinking it over. “I saw my mate… Seraphina.” 

“That’s my… mother’s—“ Lucien blinks in understanding. “What?” 

Helion simply nods. “I met her a year before she was betrothed to Beron. We met again during the great war, and… we had a love affair that lasted over a hundred years. Beron never knew, not until the end, when she became pregnant.” 

Lucien's mechanical eye closes in on Helion, studying him. “You’re… my father?” 

Helion nods. “I didn’t know. Not until last week.” 

“Does my— does Beron know?” 

Helion shrugs, “I’m not certain. However, his level of cruelty to you, from what I’ve heard, could be explained by knowing you’re not his blood.” 

“Then where does—

“Your mother was sold to your father to ensure that the fire in her veins passed on to all his children. He wanted the strongest brood and would do anything to get it.” 

“Why didn’t you do anything about it? Why didn’t you challenge him?” Lucien begs, “You know he hurts her, and you do nothing?” 

“What do you do?” Helion challenges him right back. “Beron is not a man I would like to mess with unless absolutely necessary. Your mother asked me not to intervene. She asked me to let nature take its course, and she said when the time was right when he died, she could come back to me.” 

Lucien just shakes his head, “I wish he would die tomorrow.” 

“We all do,” Rhys murmurs, reminding the men that there are others in the room, still. 

Lucien calms, shaking his head as it all settles around him. “So I’m… I’m heir to the day court?” 

Helion nods, “you are… I’ve heard your fire is bright, almost white. That you can winnow and you run like the wind. I wonder if there’s more light to you, if when you become truly happy... if you’ll glow like myself and Feyre do.” 

“I’ve…. I’ve glowed,” Lucien admits. “I thought it was… I’m not sure what it was.” 

Clearly lying, he doesn’t seem comfortable enough to share. 

“How about we leave you two,” Elain announces, standing with her plate now filled with food. “My chambers have a sitting room; we can move there. Let them bond.” 

“Fantastic idea,” feyre is quick to her feet, feeling just as awkward as everyone else. “I’d love to hear more about your dreams.” 

@greenleaf777 @lostvillainess

General Taglist 

@ncsls0515 @stevesmunsons @reidsbookclub @sweetyyhippyy @manuosorioh @mrs-dr-reid @k-k0129 @squishyturtle @katsukis1wife @buckleyhans @mrs-ssa-hotch @ssavanessa22

[mlp410nightcore]

Hi Everyone!! Here are some more brand new next gens for my Blossom Love AU. Onyx Bolt, Sweet Sorbet, Dazzle Flash, Bree and Brazen's parents are Grillby and Muffet. Onyx Bolt and Brazen were born as the only set of twins in the family with Onyx Bolt being an hour older than Brazen. Bree was born two years later, then Dazzle Flash was born a few years later and last but not least, Sweet Sorbet was born a few years later too. Onyx Bolt is very mature, super hardworking and very kind. He loves to help others, especially his friends and family and enjoys reading and singing in his spare time. He currently works with his father as a bartender at Grillby's Restaurant due to him getting his cutie mark because of his talents in mixology. Onyx Bolt is also gay and is currently dating Jesse (Jack Skellington and Sans's son). Brazen is somewhat immature, super mischievous and loves to play pranks on his siblings quite often. He's an astounding baker and helps his mother and sister at Muffet's Spider Bake Sales by making cute spider themed treats, which was how he got his cutie mark. Despite his immature nature, he's still very protective of his family and friends and will never let any harm come to them no matter the cost. Brazen is also pan and is currently in a "friends with benefits" relationship with Adonis (Alastor and Angel Dust's son). Bree may be very posh and super polite, but she knows when to loosen up and have a good time. She acts very elegant and regal, but can also be a huge raging party animal. Bree's very kind and generous as well. She's an amazing baker and has tons of knowledge on baked goods ranging from history to prepping them correctly. She's specializes in making fruit themed pastries hence why she got her cutie mark. Bree is also lesbian and is currently single as she wants to focus on helping her mother with her business. Dazzle Flash is super energetic and loves to help his brother, Onyx Bolt, with any task. He's also a super fast talker, which he's trying his hardest to break that habit of his. Dazzle Flash wants to work alongside his dad and older brother, but both Grillby and Onyx Bolt think that he should be a little older before he starts working at the restaurant. Sweet Sorbet is very kind and super relaxed. She's also somewhat lazy, but does try to help out in any way she can. She doesn't have any clue which family business she wants to be apart of, but her parents tell her that she doesn't have to decide right away as she has plenty of time to make up her mind. Credit goes to Selenaede for the bases I used and to Toby Fox, Tim Burton, Touchstone Pictures, Vivziepop and Amazon Prime Video for creating Undertale, The Nightmare Before Christmas and Hazbin Hotel as well as creating the characters, Grillby, Muffet, Sans, Jack Skellington, Alastor and Angel Dust as well as creating the locations, Grillby's Restaurant and Muffet's Spider Bake Sale as well. I only take credit for my next gens, art, ships, stories and the Blossom Love AU. I hope you guys like them!!!

[areyoudreaminof]

Here’s a little Easter treat! A quick peek at Chapter 2 of the Snipe Hunt. Special dedication to my very sweet next gen loving anon! ❤️

Fear gnawed in Froggy’s stomach. She felt like throwing up all morning. The twins made waffles with fruit and cream and she couldn’t eat any of it, which made her feel terribly guilty. She had clung to Mama and Papa most of the morning, but decided to be brave and go to the library with Nyx and Cricket. She didn’t know what was worse, the fact that she wanted to throw up or cry.

At the small corner table they had chosen, they had poured over books while Aunt Nesta finished her rounds. Cricket was thumping her head softly on the table, muttering to herself while Nyx was pouring over a massive book. Froggy had chewed off most of her nails as she fought back tears.

“I can’t find anything in here about snipes,” Nyx hissed as he flipped through the book, “not a single thing!”

Cricket snatched the brick of a book out of his hands, “Gimme that,” scanning the pages quickly, she took in key words that she repeated; hibernation, cubs.

“Well of course you didn’t find anything, this is a book about bears!” She snapped the book shut in front of Nyx’s nose, who flinched away.

“I thought they were a type of bear!” Nyx rubbed the tip of his nose as if he’d been attacked. “I was trying to keep our options open.”

“In what world is a bear and a badger the same thing, you dingus?” Cricket hissed, “Why didn’t you just ask Aunt Mor like I told you?”

“I did! She just laughed at me and said nothing ever happens on a snipe hunt, and then she kept talking about shopping,” He whined, “You ask her!”

Froggy’s vision began to blur as Cricket swatted Nyx on the shoulder, nausea rolled up her throat. “Please stop fighting,” she whispered feebly as she felt herself gag.

“Uh oh” a voice, Cricket’s, said from somewhere far away.

As Froggy heaved, Nyx thrust the brass wastebasket in front of her as she vomited. Her sister rubbed her back and pulled back her hair, while Nyx shushed her. Her gagging became sobs as she finished.

“I don’t want the snipes to eat me,” Froggy howled miserably as her sister wiped her mouth, “I don’t think I’d taste very good!”

[legcndsnvrdie]

INTRODUCING ALFIE MADDOCK

my name is [ ALFIE MADDOCK ] … and i am from [ HELLTOWN, OHIO ] and i’m an [ASSISTANT VARSITY BASEBALL COACH & PERSONAL TRAINER]. i lived in helltown for [ 27 YEARS ] because [I COULDN'T HACK IT AS A PRO BASEBALL PLAYER]. i am [30] my pronouns are [ HE/HIM ] and i am [ LOYAL, SELFLESS, DISCIPLINED ] though some may say i’m [ BLUNT, PARTICULAR, COMPETITIVE- ]. i also hear i look a lot like [ BRANDON LARRACUENTE ] but, i don’t know if i see it. i’m here because [MOM NEEDED HIM HOME AFTER DAD WALKED OUT ] but, maybe there’s more to it than that. you never know with helltown.

BASICS

full name: alfred benjamin maddock II   nickname(s):  alfie, al, alf, alfster, captain  age:   thirty birthday: october first gender: cismale relationship status: single star sign: libra current residence: helltown, ohio occupation:  assistant varsity baseball coach & personal trainer languages: english & spanish

REFLECTION

looks like: brandon larracuente hair color: dark eye color: ever changing depending on the lighting, typically bluish grey sometimes green & hazel  height: six foot, two inches   tattoos: half sleeve on his left arm piercings: left ear (team bonding dare)

FAMILY

father: alfred maddock sr. mother: naomi maddock nee torres siblings: three younger sisters (hoping to put in wcs for them!) pets:  great dane named onyx extended family: potential step-mother aka the woman his father ran off with

PERSONALITY

characteristics: disciplined, honest, passionate, loyal, protective, blunt, competitive, nostalgic for the good ol’ days.     fears: letting this family down, not living up to expectations passions/hobbies: baseball, working out and lifting weights, juicing (like fruit juices lol), drawing, sketching, & designing tattoos  drugs/ alcohol/ smoking: dabbled after leaving the minors and returning to helltown/ yes / cigarettes socially   aesthetics:  bases loaded, 2 outs, game on the line, toned muscles, empty beer cans, calloused hands and bruised knuckles, worn out cleats, ice cold yellow gatorade, backwards baseball caps, shirtless workouts, championship trophies collecting dust, sliding into home plate, drags of cigarette smoke to numb the pain, sweat dripping down a furrowed brow line, one more rep, again, again, again, knuckles cracking, folded up varsity jackets character inspo: Jason Street (Friday Night Lights), Archie Andrews (Riverdale), Jeff Atkins (13 Reasons Why) Cedric Diggory (Harry Potter), Randy ‘Pink’ Floyd (Dazed and Confused)

BIOGRAPHY 

EARLY YEARS:

Alfred Maddock II was born to a middle class family in Helltown, Ohio on a warm October evening with the Cincinnati Reds World Series playoffs well underway. His father barely made it to hospital in time, squeezing in one last inning before rushing out of the bar to witness the birth of his own little shortstop. Alfred Sr. was something of a legend back in high school. The kind of guy who reminisces about the glory days at his 9 to 5 job and marries his high school sweetheart which he did. Her name is Naomi, and she is the matriarch of the Maddock family.  Alfie is the eldest child of Maddock's little baseball team of four and his father's only son. Therefore from the time Alfie could walk, he was always in the yard playing catch with his old man and coming in late for dinner with soot stained cheeks and green stains streaked across his knees. Not to mention, the distant sound of his mother’s warnings —don’t track mud in the house—following him to his place at the table.  Despite his father’s small town legacy, Alfie wasn’t a natural talent and baseball didn’t always come easy for him. What he did have, however, was discipline and the fierce drive to work twice as hard as his teammates even if that meant double sessions and waking up before sunrise. By the time he hit middle school, Alfie was already as tall as a sophomore and his father was more like a second coach to him than an actual parent, constantly reminding him to always choke up on the bat to achieve better ball control. 

HIGH SCHOOL:

In high school, all Alfie’s hard work paid off. The kid had it all, a bright light in a town that always seemed to be constantly plagued by mystery and fog. He was an All-American shortstop who made the varsity baseball team his freshman year, scored a hot girlfriend, was the resident beer pong champ at all the post game after parties, and to top it all off he was a pretty nice guy. Alfie could always be found wearing his varsity jacket with his signature backwards baseball cap, ready to throw a fastball over to one of his teammates who he was constantly surrounded by.  Being both popular and captain of the baseball team did have its responsibilities however, and there were certain unwritten rules that came with the territory. Alfie wasn’t your typical stupid, jerkface jock; he was the captain, in the top spot. He wasn’t flashy like some of the other guys on the team—though his homerun victory laps were legendary— or made an ass of himself by getting into arguments and fist fights on the field. He was the guy who would have your back and take the fall, a leader, and the heart and soul of the Ashevere High School baseball team. It was a role that Alfie cherished and one that carried over in his family life and and with his friends off of the baseball diamond.

PRESENT:

With an impressive high school baseball career, Alfie was recruited by the Columbus Clippers to play Minor League Baseball and was on the fast track to play in the Majors for the Cleveland Guardians. This was his moment and his chance to finally get out of small town Ohio and make something of himself. For three seasons, he shined like he did in high school. He was quick, agile, and had a throwing arm worthy of the pros, even became captain of the team in his final season.   But it was in that third and final season with the Clippers that Alfie was thrown the biggest curveball of his life and his world came crashing down. Alfred Sr. ran off with another woman leaving his family behind, and Alfie’s mother completely devastated. Much mystery surrounds his father’s sudden departure with this other woman, one that brings about a certain eeriness Alfie can’t seem to place. His father was no saint, but Alfie was about to be at the top of his game just like his dad always wanted for him and then suddenly he takes off. It didn't make sense to Alfie, but it was enough for him to put his dreams on hold. Always the captain on or off the field, the athlete saw no other choice but to give up his career and move back to Helltown to help out his mother, becoming the replacement father figure for his younger sisters that nobody asked for. Alfie has been back in Helltown for nine years now, often greeted with a furrowed brow and a pleasant: “Aren’t you that kid who played ball for Ashevere a few years back?” He took up a job at the local gym as a personal trainer and eventually became an assistant coach for the varsity baseball team, unable to completely leave the sport behind forever.   As much as Alfie longs to escape Helltown and reclaim the all-star career he was robbed of, he can’t seem to leave, unable to shake the darkness that continues to lurk within the town and half convinced the most recent disappearances may be connected to his father’s sudden departure all those years ago, let alone leave his family to fend for themselves among all the chaos.  But even with the game on the line, bases loaded, and two outs, the kid always could manage to pull through and smash a curveball straight out of the park.

KAYLA MCNEIL & HER DISAPPEARANCE

Alfie couldn’t tell you exactly how it happened. One minute he was grumbling about a bad call the umpire had made during a middle school double header, and the next they were making out. It was nothing more than a one time thing, a harmless kiss in the heat of the moment. She was there, he was upset, and from that moment on Kayla always seemed to have that calming effect on him. By the time high school rolled around, she was more like another one of his sisters and he was integrated into her friend group. They lost touch when Alfie was recruited to play in minors and only reconnected recently. When she disappeared, it was a strange feeling. He wasn't as close with her, and yet he still somehow feels obligated to find out what happened to her.

HEADCANNONS:

Alfie always wore the number 13 in baseball despite it being considered an unlucky number on and off the baseball diamond. He was never really superstitious about it until recently and swears he sees the number 13 in the most random places now almost as if to mock him.

He is a huge A-Rod fan and looked up to him as a kid even though his family were Cincinnati Reds fans. He wanted to be a professional shortstop because of him. May or may not have teared up a bit when him and JLO broke up, too.

Alfie is extremely protective of his mother and sisters and feels he has to be the man of the house now that their father walked out. 

In his spare time, Alfie loves to draw and sketch. He has a sketchbook filled with his doodles and potential future tattoo ideas. They actually aren’t bad at all.  

His ducati is his baby and he treats it as such.

CONNECTIONS | PINTEREST | SPOTIFY

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

oooh got tagged by @hash-slinging-slasher-trash

tag game: 20 questions, fic writing edition

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

31 on my main

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

On my main AO3, 257,414

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Anything I'm interested in can get these hands. Naruto, Fruits Basket, Free!, Haikyuu, JJK, CSM, Genshin Impact, OLBA/OLNF, FMA, SNK, BNHA. I've written for a lot of fandoms. I remember even trying to dabble in writing fic for Ojamajo Doremi because I was obsessed with shipping them with the Flat 4. Honestly, I might write something for that just to indulge Kid Nyla who never got to write any lmao. Same for PPGZ

My main tumblr is called themultifandomnerd for a reason fjdnfkj

4. Top five fics by kudos

I'll do a mix of fics from my main AO3 (my oldest account, I think I started writing fic for Free! on it in high school) and my tumblr fics AO3

The Different Rules of Summer (VLD - Lance/Keith)

‘Okay so you think ghosts are fake but totally think that bigfoot and mothman are real?’ Lance scribbled furiously on the piece of paper in total disbelief. ‘Ghosts are total BS, man’ Keith look disinterested. ‘This is why you’re single' Lance didn’t expect that his summer vacation would be spent at a library arguing with his deaf co-worker about why cryptids totally aren’t real. Keith volunteers at a library to keep himself out of trouble while his brother works. The worst part of his day? Explaining to some moron why Mothman is definitely a real entity and why the first moon landing was fake. Funny enough, this is the highlight of both of their summers.

Se réjouir, se réjouir (Genshin Impact - NeuviFuri)

The sun; Neuvillette is the sun. And Furina? She’s not fit to even be the moon. There is a surprising loneliness to freedom.

A Little Pain (Naruto - Sakura Haruno/Hinata Hyuga)

At the age of 7, there were a few things Hinata Hyuga was sure of. One, her father, Hiashi Hyuga, was the strongest shinobi she knew. Second, just the thought of her having to one day make decisions for her entire clan terrified her beyond belief. Third, her younger sister Hanabi, at the age of 2, was very easy to impress. Hinata Hyuga never wanted to lead her Clan and when she is stripped of her title and essentially an outcast in her home, she finds solace in the brief comforts of a pink-haired girl named Sakura. Though little did Hinata know that losing her heiress title would send her life spiraling down a path of self discovery, bravery, and the realization that changing yourself is a possibility is the most powerful jutsu of all. But... perhaps stopping yourself from fainting whenever you happen to be around your crush is a start. And convincing the entirety of Konoha that it's first all-kunoichi team won't be a complete and total failure should be prioritized before any of that.

Man is the Breast, Heaven is the Playground (CSM - Makima/Reader)

You might be the only one in your division not utterly smitten with your partner, Makima. Call it disinterest, call it being observant that her smiles never reach her eyes. Either way, you have no interest in bridging the gap between you both. But one day, an attempt is made, and it isn’t by you.

A Blazing Star Sought Refuge in My Chest (CSM - Makima/Reader, sequel to Man is the Breast, Heaven is the Playground)

Your contract was simpleー the Control Devil would not use her powers on you, you just needed to stay with her forever.

5. Do you respond to comments?

That I do!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think maybe the ending for my oneshot I Cherish You, Halcyon Days which I'm actually turning into a full-length fic now (and it will have the same ending). But fate of the Reader is written out quite clearly: you will be killed by someone precious to you.

On my main AO3, maybe my TOH series where Halloween Night went wrong and the portal closed after Belos entered and the Hexsquad has to make happiness where they can on Earth may be a close second?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think most of my fics end on a pleasant note save for a handful.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I was gonna say "no" but yeah, some butthurt NaruHina fans that were commenting on my SakuHina fics for no reason? Like, go read about NH instead of looking at what I'm typing up smh, damn time wasters. It isn't often though, most of the time I only hear positives

9. Do you write smut?

Occasionally I dabble in smut

10. Craziest crossover?

A Haikyuu/Boku Dake ga Inai Machi Xover that still occasionally gets comments despite only one chapter being out. I've been thinking about rewriting ch1 and finishing it because honestly it was a crazy good idea in my biased opinion.

Presently I'm working on a JJK/The Summer Hikaru Died Xover but considering what happened to Suguru, I'm not sure if that's truly that crazy.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of, hopefully that's a good sign.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A long time ago in the HQ fandom, although it was never completed. I've thought about rewriting it with better quality and with some more passion but considering a lot of the plot was made by chatting with my at-the-time-friend well, I don't wanna take full credit for the half that wasn't my contributions. I still think about it from time to time though and think about the what could have beens *sigh*

14. All time favorite ship?

... that's gonna be a very very VERY hard choice. I have a top handful of ships because they all have specific aspects of them that I like, I'm not sure if I'll be able to

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

The Haikyuu/BDGIM Xover OTL

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm fairly good at descriptions? I also do REALLY good research. For an FMA fic I wrote/am still slowly writing, my OC became an automail engineer so I did a lot of research concerning biomedical engineering, electrical engineering, prostheses, metal processing, alloys and so on and so forth in order to accurately choose the type of metals involved in whatever automail the OC and Winry were crafting.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Procrastination lmao. I try to absolve this by writing non-linear at times

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I only do that for languages I'm proficient in like Spanish, Portuguese, etc. But I've never written a fic entirely in any of the languages I know. Maybe one day I'll embrace that challenge! Japanese would be the most challenging though honestly

19. First fandom you wrote in?

Naruto or Fullmetal Alchemist when I was in middle school, but I can't remember which.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

That's gonna be impossible to narrow down, but I'll do my best

Main AO3: No idea jnkjfnd

FFN: A Fangirl's Dream

Tumblr Fic: My Makima duology I listed above

And that's all she wrote for this one! I'll be tagging @cafedanslanuit @ainescribe @sweet-evie

[freakyelf-ontheshelf]

STARDEW VALLEY HEADCANONS PART 2:

YIPPY!

Starting off with my favourite blond:

•Haley:

-Besides what I said in part 1 with Alex, Haley kept on kissing boys until she openly came out and felt comfortable enough (when she met the FF🤭)

-Every time you gift her a sunflower she keeps them in a vase on her bedroom window, once the petals wilt she keeps them in a box for later crafts^^

-She stopped putting effort in photography because she was embarassed and felt she had a different image to keep, once she meets female farmer and her hardwork, passion and dedication, she starts rediscovering herself and retaking her passions seriously

-Once when she the farmer passed out and Haley found out, she ran to the farm and made the farmer let her help. Ended up doing the work for her that day and let the farmer fall asleep on the porch<3

-When she goes and visits the farm, she takes nature pictures and snaps some discrete ones of her farmer girl🤭. She takes them to her red room and sends them to the farmer with lipstick marks<3

-Her and Alex remain best friends and when he starts dating the male farmer they enjoy gossiping about their love life's by the icecream stand ^^

-Haley switches her nails every two weeks and they always have a seasoned theme, once she starts dating you she'll excitedly show them to you, hoping you love them (you do, obviously, and are glad to tell her everytime<3)

-She smells of Macedonia fruits and salt water, sweets as well😻

-Everytime you gift her a pink cake she grabs the strawberry on top and feeds it to you, smooching you after (I'm so terribly in love with her)

-Her favourite season is summer, although she tells everyone it's winter because of the sweat

-Once she starts reading and searching for herself, she finds a love for art history and Renaissance books

-Poetry reader (sapphic mostly, Spanish artists translations...)

-When she starts working the farm, she specially enjoys taking care of the animals, going to find you giggling everytime she gets stained

-in the hot weather you sprinkle her with the hose and she loves playing around in the sprinklers with you

-When you ask her to marry you she quite literally, jumps you (then she cries, a lot)

-She ends up having an amazing relationship with Emily, making fun of her everytime she talks about Sandy (she secretly loves seeing her sister fall in love)

Again, I'm going to stfu now cause I could talk about her forever (I will)

•Abigail:

-Had a My Chemical Romance fase and a scene kid one too (Caroline almost had a heart attack, still almost does though, bitch needs to calm down)

-Is taking classes not only to please her father and have some peace of mind, but also because Sam is taking them too and would hate to disappoint her friend

-Shes an amazing artist and is the one that decorates the store. The windos are painted with a different scenery every season.

-Shes had five different guinea pigs cause they kept on "disappearing", she geniuenly thinks that still (goofy aah)

- Definitely bisexual, with a preference to women. Even though that means there could be a chance for her to date Sebastian like literally everyone wants, she's never liked him (or Sam) in that way

-Follows every single alternative or goth woman on her socials, has a secret Twitter account where she posts shit about people in her day to day life to unwind

-Loves My little pony, prove me wrong

-Her and her dad used to play videogames together, which is why she got into it in the first place, but as she got older her dad thought she should be concentrating on other stuff and eventually stopped playing with her, which is why she asks the farmer for help in her two heart event

-Caroline gifted Abigails flute to her when she turned 14 and she's been playing ever since, only having shown Sebastian and Sam

-One time Haley told Abigail that her hair is suprisingly healthy and well kept taking into account she's been dying it purple since the age of 15, and she's seen Haley differently since then

-Has a hyperfixiaton on the ocean, specially it's wild life, minerals and swordsmanship

-After the sixth heart event Abigal and the farmer do all the mining together, and once she sees the effort and danger in doing that she actually realises how much the farmer cares for her, going in the mines to get minerals for her and such.

-She loves taking you to the mountains when it's really late at night, going camping and listening to you tell her about the stars

-When you go to Sam's concer and she sees you from the stage she blushes and makes sure to not make a single mistake, asking you later on if you enjoyed the song (she wanted to know if you thought her skills were cool, okay)

-The first time you ever saw her cry was when she told her dad she was (finally) dropping out from the classes she despised, getting into the biggest argument with them and running all the way to the farm (and into your arms ayeeee)

Time to stfu again, see you in part 3 (yippyyyyy)

[lmk-aus-galore]

Cinema Sins/Wins Rip off of Lego Monkie Kid

‘A hero is born’ part 2

Inspired by @satansaidmyturnintheh3llscape

Rules:

-I won’t be counting Animation Mistakes, because Idk how to do that, and I myself am a beginner animator (more like incredibly amateur, to the point I’m asking my sister for help) Unless of course the Animation is obviously and clearly having a mistake for me to watch. (Or it is said in the wiki) The other reason is because I don’t want to keep repeating a scene just to check for an animation mistake.

-I also won’t be counting flashbacks as ‘mistakes’ because most of them are based on bias.

-I’ll be formatting it like this

-Neutral

-Sin

-Win

-Most of this is Commentary, so there won’t be a last sentence nor win or sin counter.

-This is mostly for fun, no need to get offended.

Alright I’ll be placing the rules every single time, without further ado, let’s get into the episode.

———————————————————————————

-Intro

-._.

-Wukong spurts our magical fairy dust.

-Ah yes, let me just fly by while my former sworn brother destroys the entire city!

-Never really liked when they tried to mix the exaggerated expressions of anime into this form, but not gonna lie, it fits red son a bit…so I guess this counts as neutral.

-Again Season 1 has the most goofy artstyle.

-Welp…also does Pigsy have multiple delivery trucks then? What’s that truck used for if MK doesn’t use it?

-Accurate depiction on the fact that Flower Fruit Mountain is surrounded by an ocean, considering Wukong had to build a raft in order to leave it

-But somehow later in the series, there’s a path that leads to it.

-‘He’d destroying the Cheese T Stalls!’ ‘All the more reason to get this to Monkey King’ MK and Mei have priorities

-Also MK calling Monkey King, Monkey King despite the fact that he should know his name, given that it was Master Bodhi who gave it, symbolizing that MK sees Wukong as what he calls him

-I get why Pigsy is explaining this to Mei and MK, but I’m guessing the show had to work with season 1 on a whim since season 2 confirms that Tang and Sandy know each other.

-Sandy for the win

-‘How about that guy over there huh?’ ‘O-Oh! Yes!’ Again, this may be that the pilot was done BEFORE they decided that Tang and Sandy knew each other, but I’m gonna count it anyway

-Mei calls Pigsy, Piggy.

-‘OK’ no explanation, makes sense to me

-This show again reminds me that this is a Lego show

-‘I don’t go around pickin’ fights no more’ this kinda mirrors Sha Wujing a bit.

-Mo is a separate soul of Sandy I guarantee you

-Buy our toys

-What exactly was your plan there Red Son? There’s like 5 people in there, one’s buff, the other one clearly has battle experience, One will smack the shit out of him with no problem and the other has a magical staff. Poor General Ironclad would be dismantled in seconds.

-‘Oh don’t worry my sweet useless boy’ Family Issues at its finest, which is why I felt nothing for both Red Son’s parents-

-Can I just say how Season 1 Princess Iron Fan just…can’t keep a consistent face? Seriously they couldn’t decide what her face looks like.

-Butterfly Wukong

-Meme template

-You know, the amount of times the staff has hit MK in the face, I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten brain damage.

-YOU CAN SEE THAT FAR?! or is this a Season 4 thing?

-“By the gods of plot convenience!”

-Wukong sure had fun traveling to Master Bodhi with Flaming Mountains around him.

-‘Safest way’ Main character ‘dies’ 0.000001 seconds later

-Ok Pigsy I understand why you’re angry at Sandy, but Tang won’t last a day in the Flaming Mountains, much less 5 minutes, you’re gonna have to carry him if you wish for him to come.

-‘Oh you’re just a noodle boy playing and being a hero’ Part 1 of characters seeing grown adults as children (Pigsy doesn’t count cause this guy probably watched them grow)

-You know the fact that MK already knows how to use the staff reminds me of when Wukong first had the staff with no battle experience and was probably smacking the shit out of everyone

-Main character death? Well no obviously we’re still in the pilot.

-‘There was nothing we could do’ I kind of found it weird for Tang to say this-the timing is just off-

-Something I’ve always wondered about the dragons is that Ao Lie and Ao Guang’s dragon form look more physical (IE more like they’re actual dragons) than Mei’s spiritual looking dragon, Ao Guang’s dragon might have that spiritual thing but Mei’s is just all green.

-Frankenstein all over again.

-Monkeys immediately trying to murder MK is hilarious, especially if you consider that’s probably their job.

-Main character trauma

-Does every Monkey here just hate MK or are they just mood? Also meme template

-To this day MK still struggles to walk across the rock path.

-You know season 4 foreshadowing, MK opening the seal got me wondering a few things, specifically WHAT KIND OF SPECIFICATIONS DID YOU ADD WUKONG?!

-It’s actually fun seeing the Pilgrims’ beta designs, like they have better designs in the future ngl.

-‘Sun Wukong’ Seriously who the frick is saying this?!

-We still don’t have an explanation as to why MK has Gold Vision, Wukong had to burn in order to get that, why does MK have it?

-What the hell was in that mural of them

-See what I mean, Tripitaka’s crown cloth thing (Idk what that’s called) was more longer than that

-Still, love that Zhu Bajie and Sha Wukong’s designs were just adjusted.

-Also small detail, both Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing also have the fillet thingy

-When Wukong was guiding MK along, I legit thought that he was dead, because I hadn’t known about Journey to the West until somewhere around Season 2

-Also what was that vision? Like the rest seem more spiritual and this one guiding MK seemed more physical, what memory was that?

-‘Mr Tang was right, I really am delusional’ Bro you saw the Demon Bull King, FACE TO FACE, how are delusional?!

-MK kills Wukong, roll credits!

-Look, I love that Wukong is rolling into his transformations and stuff, but I’m wondering why he didn’t just turn back to his usual form, so I’m guessing he’s been playing shapeshifter to the point he sorta forgot his original form for a bit.

-Another thing is that even Wukong and MK have non-consistent faces!

-Wukong how dare you make the boi cry

-‘Oh shit I made the boi cry’

-‘I’ve been kinda watching you’ Why though? And for how long?

-‘What?’ Last flashback of him is a bird

-Wukong your Goku is showing

-MK just climbing on Wukong and him being unfazed just tells you his relationship with his monkey subjects

-*Screams in agonizing pain* Also- Tripitaka’s back to his present design.

-‘You fought demons and you didn’t die’ Wukong he almost did, and when you were fighting demons you were basically immortal by then

-‘Not just anyone can lift my staff’ Yeah it’s a 17,000 lbs pillar- You have to be crazy strong to lift that thing, which Means Red Son, DBK and PIF don’t have the strength of a god.

-THAT IS ONE BIG ASS CHIP!

-‘You can handle it! Consider it a trial’ One bold trial that is Wukong, then again you did fight the Demon King of Havoc (Is that right?)

-Also Wukong’s cloud looks different

-You know despite how Wukong teaches, he seems to genuinely care about MK, I just feel like he’s also pushing him away at times because he knows he’ll get too attached

-Buy Our Toys.

-‘It’s for ages 8 and up’ This show is really reminding me that this is Lego- but in the logical sense is 8 and up supposed to be cat years Sandy?

-To think all these Bull Clones and DBK have the same VA, props to him

-It’s a barrel roll!

-Tang knows how to fight I swear, but only for self-defense purposes

-The audio when MK brutally smacks Red Son around sounds so muted, like, there’s barely any SFX and it sounds so lonely

-Mei’s face also is inconsistent

-Tang please he’s a demon, he’s not dead, but I kinda understand why you’re poking him like that.

-I never realized but HOLY SHIT DBK IS HUUUUUUGE!

-Sandy and Red Son better work together at least for one episode, since they both give complex transformations for their vehicles.

-HAHAAHAAH- THE MOTORBIKE HAS AN ANTI-DBK SYMBOL-

-Again the Voice acting sounds like it was recorded and they just ignored everything else

-Sooo, when are we ever gonna use the Gold Vision like that again?

-Notice how DBK gains a wave of power from his expression after absorbing MK.

-MK is reborn, like most Monkey King adaptation titles.

-Sun Wukong traumatizes his friends part 1

-Love MK, MK for the win

-Again this fight scene is amazing

-Love how the writers made it so he tried doing it like Wukong, it didn’t work, so he uses something of his own from a video game, showing that while he is Wukong’s successor they are different people

-Ok both Wukong and MK must be crazy strong, but dare I say, possibly MK could be stronger than Wukong?

-‘You can’t just run away when I’m right about to win!’ So…what was he gonna do with DBK? Kill him?

-Love this ending, overall this episode was great to be continued in Bad Weather.

[shygiverqueen]

Little Un

Summary: Ahsoka loves his men at the bottom of her heart, she will do everything to protect them from any possible dangers even if she had to risk her life.

She was their Vod'ika their little sister in Mando'a, but things wasn't quite right when Ahsoka had this fleeting feelings of infatuations between them that she couldn't fathom, a sexual awakening when she could see the torrent company as more than just her boys, but men in her own right, even she was devastated heartbroken when she found out that her Captain was already taken.

When she wanted to be his first.

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Confession, Ahsoka loves his men including his captain, Rex has a girlfriend, Complicated Relationship, Temporal underage drinking, Declaration of Love, 501st Loves their Commander.

Rex, Kix, Jesse, Fives, Echo, Hardcase, Tup, Dogma,

A sea of distinctive faces and voices, but unique on their own looks of individualism  that echoes their personality.

While she grew up on this battalion, the men were very keen on protecting their Vod'ika on this treacherous battle, many times had she possibly risked her life to save them in the jaws of death even though she was gratuitously the favorite head acne of the torrent company. 

Head strong just like her Master, a terrible trait that she was heavily influenced by.

She was certain of herself to accomplished her goals to be a Knight of the Order even it feared her to face the consequences of it, that's why she wanted to be good, and sometimes you need to learn from the experience, and throughout her journey as a Jedi were known to be peacekeepers in the galaxy now that they we're soldiers of the Republic, despite their livid opinions to the codes, nobody willing to broach the subject even they have a morally views about attachment that we're considerably frowned upon.

And Ahsoka was uncertain about her growing attachment with the men that will only leave a heavy heart in the pit of her chest, but to continue to accept them; and Rex was one of them.

The closer she gets to his captain, lest it become an infatuation. 

She was there when they lost another brethren from the frontlines, and Ahsoka didn't hesitate to enter their barracks to comfort them, she was their to handed Tup a sweetened Juja fruit candy, and she was there for Hardcase to stay with him at the Med bay too enlightened his mood, and her captain Rex was their to accompany him on his reports talking about their per usual day about battle and what not or Fives cooperating about his notorious shenanigans or Echo and Dogma listening attentively about manuals that she was eager to learned the amount of knowledge in the military or Jesse, Kix helping on their  inventory that she was sorely comply, but nonetheless that they we're pleased about her companionship, and she did everything to her best of her behavior to love his men of the 501st.

And she was their Vod'ika there little sister, and for Rex she called me her 'little Un' which is so sweet.

When I was kidnapped by Lux Bonteri all that happened in the campaign were the Death Watch allocated; she never expected that he would steal her first kiss that was supposed to be her captain, everything came so fast suddenly after that kiss when I'm the one who did it, just so our undercover wouldn't exposed.

Guesses were not really subtle enough when the truth was finally revealed, and when I  told this to Rex realizing it would impact his jealousy over that Bonteri boy. I was overwhelmed for a fact that Rex truly loves me.

Sometimes I thought about my relationship to the Order and my men, but it doesn't matter.

When I could no longer control my feelings anymore. 

The men on the torrent invited me to the bar where they never allowed me to come, since I already grew fondly at their taunts to celebrate my life day, but my Captain wouldn't allow me to drink a single each of Alcohol, so I would go home sober, which I reluctantly agreed to.

And yet I couldn't barely contain myself that I was going to confess my feelings to him.

But there's an inner part of me thinking about the possible rejection that was about to come, Ahsoka disemboweled this into her thoughts, and a flash of grin when the Commander of 104th came and greeted me along with his men.

The music was fascinatingly loud, and vibrating to our ears, along with the inebriated clones laughing joyously. It was the first time that Ahsoka witnessed these men to be so openly brash and carefree publicly, even in the face of the war they deserve all the joy they enquire in this cruel galaxy.

Ahsoka tried to have a constant glances from his captain who sat on the  barstool with a hand clutch on his glass of alcohol, talking with Commander Wolffe cracking about some wild battle stories; he suddenly met her eyes and his luscious lips curled upward that Ahsoka felt her blood rushing to her cheeks, and return her gaze to Fives talking to him the way she was absorbed on his conversation.

She hadn't put a sterling effort to approach him, there's a feeling of anxiousness that lived within her chest.

Ahsoka briefly glances at his captain when he slides to his barstool leaving her glass on the stool.

This was the time that Ahsoka excuse herself to go to the fresher. It's not as if the men would care; Ahsoka passed between the dancing patrons making her way from where Rex disappeared, and waved at Wolffe who arched an uncertain brow, his lips pressed in the tip of his glass, as he returned his gaze on the view of the party.

Her heart pounds in anticipation when Ahsoka punches the button and the entrance slide opens, and  goes outside at the back of the dark alleyway, feeling the faint signature of his captain not far within her reach.

She wrapped her arms, wondering why Rex would come outside looking searchingly.

The alleyway stretched silently, and moved to the side when she spotted a clone and a human woman from the distance having a time to experience pain and pleasure when she was pinned against him, hands were on top, and one leg was wrapped between his waist.

Her lekku suddenly turned a shade of blue, and darted her attention from the debauchery, continuing her search for her missing captain.

" Oh, Rex~"

Ahsoka stopped.

Does she hear it right? 

Ahsoka was unsure whether the human was calling someone by the same name of his captain; she wanted to deny this chasm of loss and slowly returned her attention from where the couple was being held in a frivolous activity.

The artificial Led gave away the color blond of his blonde shaven hair, the way they kissed passionately when she could almost see Rex face from the distance, shutting her eyes on the world, embracing the woman as if he was his dear life.

When their lips parted.

The woman smiled.

"My captain~"

Her Captain?

Ahsoka felt her heart fall into a million pieces.

A spark of anger coiled into her chest like she wanted to tear that throat with her bare fingers---she stopped, and cast her eyes on the ground, and immediately hid behind  the wall.

She couldn't believe what she was saying?! Why would she think about that so heinously?

 Seeing her Captain, her Rex , her Best friend.

Was already mated, before she's going to act and confess all  about her feelings all riled up into tears that fall into her cheeks.

How long has it been since he was taken by this woman?

Ahsoka's face goes distant, and marches to the bar, pushing through the crowd and making her way fast from where her companions are on the table, upstairs.

Ahsoka didn't hesitate and took the glass from Jesse's hand who seemed surprised by her appearance while he was absorbed by their conversation.

Fives chuckled. "Woah! Easy with the drink Commander."

A bemused Kix scolded her that hi--Captain Rex wouldn't permit me to drink.

"Well, kriff that. I'm having the time of my life!" She replied loudly.

Torrent company exchanged a glance of confusion and surprise at the crass tone that slipped into her lips.

Ahsoka felt the alcohol burn into her lungs, and hissed that she didn't expect the alcohol could be so strong.

 Ahsoka coughed bitterly, glaring from her now empty glass; she threw it on the floor, making their shoulders stiffened, and grabbed the bottle on the center of the table, and drank it swiftly.

"Commander?" Tup spluttered.

Ahsoka ignored their protest, continuing to drink in complete utter satisfaction, but before she could finish the contents of her drink, a hand caught on her bottle.

It was Fives.

"Commander. Is there something wrong?"

Ahsoka swatted his hand on her bottle, and her eye marking pierced at him.

"I'm fine."

"Are you certain?"

Ahsoka wanted to deny the  sadness that stirred inside her, but she hastily dismissed this, and took a long gulp of  drink.

"Vod'ika, are you okay?" Jesse replied.

"Fine. I'm fine guys." She replied bitterly.

But they looked at her unconvinced about her response.

"Commander. If the Captain finds out about this we're screwed." Hardcase says in hesitation.

 "What does it have to do with him? It's  my life day , remember? Could a girl at least enjoy what little things she has?"

She could nearly feel the alcohol take over her system slowly.

The men felt a bit concerned about her situation, they never saw their commander to act like this? 

Ahsoka swipe for another drink, mulling over the thought about her---No, Captain betrayed her feelings.

"Yes, but this is different--"

Kix reaches out into her shoulder.

"Vod'ika." 

Ahsoka slumped beside Fives into the couch with her hand on her bottle, and continued to consume the contents of her alcohol deeply; she could feel their concern radiating from the force; she grunted eyes on the view of the dancing patrons below the floor ways.

"Commander, can you at least tell us what's wrong with you?"

Ahsoka impassively ignores Jesse's questioning glance, pressing the tip of her bottle between her lips and gulping it.

As it may seem the men currently neglected the another bottle of alcohol that was set on top of Echo side, she reached into it when she instantly finished her bottle, and took another one in a swift long gulped.

"Commander!" Kix scolded her.

Ahsoka swipes the liquid into her lips; she lightly laughs. " What's with all this bleak atmosphere should've we at least celebrating?"

Ahsoka didn't shy away, feeling the bitter liquid crawling into her system with ease.

" I don't like it when all of you are quite projecting."

"Projecting?"

"Your emotions." Ahsoka countered with a smile.

Fives equally shook his head just like Kix. "Commander, stop."

"Do you think I'm pretty?" Why did she say that? Must because of the alcohol that's for sure. Is this how it feels?

Fives scoffed in surprise, exchanging a glance with his brothers . "Of course you are."

Ahsoka scoffed in return, and leaned closely into his shoulder.

"Commander."

 "You think so?" 

Fives pursed his lips, exchanging a glance from his brothers.

"Y-yeah. I-i guess?"

"You guess?" Ahsoka felt herself deflated at that tone.

"It's not like that Commander, you're really really pretty." Fives tried to reciprocate.

"Then explained." She almost slurred.

He tensed.

"Uhh well,"

Ahsoka gave him a challenging brow. "You have beautiful round blue eyes."

Ahsoka wanted to believe him, but she couldn't.

----Does Rex don't think I'm attractive?

Fives nudge Tup on his stomach, as he winces, giving him an ire piercing brow.

"Why me?" They lowered their tone.

"Help me out of here Vod."

The two started to nudge one another, expecting a good compliment.

She drank silently.

" Commander?"

"..."

"Do you want some...Chips?" Hardcase slowly handed her some appetizer; Ahsoka reached into it and put it into her mouth without ever responding.

Hardcase deflates, looking back from one of his brothers to cheer her up, but none of their antics couldn't work. 

Ahsoka didn't answer, which only increased their concern.

"Vod'ika you have to stop drinking."

Ahsoka swats Kix's arm, tipping the bottle into her lips with a satisfied gulp.

"Kid."

She growled and bared her fanged teeth as she viciously exclaimed. "STOP CALLING ME A KID!" 

They all stiffened, thankfully the music was garish and few of the patrons on the corner  swept their attention to them.

Ahsoka frowned, and realization struck her when all of that frustration vanished into mid air. All eyes were drawn into a group with curiosity.

Fives, Jesse, Kix, Hardcase, Tup, look at her in fear and worry into their faces, enough for them to inch over their blaster.

Ahsoka cast her eyes on the alcohol bottle within her grasp, and slowly returned it from the top of the table, and yet the contents of the liquid hadn't finished, leaving her dazed from its effect, her eyes dropped in pearl into sadness and one of them noticed it in shock.

"Comma--

" I'm sorry." Shame rose into her chest, and rushed her way to the stairwell, refusing to look back when she could faintly hear his men tow behind her, but they couldn't pass the crowded people, blocking their way towards her, she was almost near the exit when….

Ahsoka abruptly halted and her eye marking rose upward.

"Commander?"

Rex frowned in concern, but she noticed his delicate lips were faintly smeared with her red painted lips, and where his other hand curled around the waistline of the woman that he was currently in a relationship with, looking at her in genuine curiosity.

"Are you alright?"

All of those memories with her captain flash before her eyes.

His smile, his laughter, his share of loss, his anger, and his burning determination to inspire bravery in the field of battle.

He was everything for her, even she was there to hit his lowest point that he deserved everything in the whole galaxy, so was his brothers.

But that opportunity only blew in despair, when he was already mated with a woman.

 Eyes only burst into tears, covering her lips and passed the couple with restrained sadness, but his hand caught on her elbow, and Ahsoka couldn't look at his hazel eyes.

"Commander--Ahsoka."

They already phase the formalities, but why does it only leave a sorrowful heart into her chest; Ahsoka immediately swatted it away never responding and moved into the entrance, leaving them an air of confusion.

///

"Rex. Who is that?"

Rex still maintained his eyesight on the entrance with a frown where Ahsoka just left in tears.

"That's Commander Tano."

"Oh, that's your Commander? What happened?"

Rex looked at her as all the questions in his eyes were left unanswered.

"I don't know? Gina, that's why I'm going to find out."

Gina squeezed his hand in reassurance.

///

Ahsoka slid away to her quarters, slammed shut.

Tears trailing down into her cheeks, and flopped down into her cot with a dull thud laying flat into her belly, as she burrows her head into a stiff pillow, feeling her emotions running rampant.

Ahsoka slowly moved her head on the side, thinking about his beloved captain being taken away by a beautiful stranger.

She let her legs pull into her chest, and wipe the last tears into her eyes.

It was so immature of her to think of the possibility that Rex would like her, all those fleeting feelings of admiration were all good for nothing,  she was so caught up in a moment that she wanted him to be the first person to know her feelings were more than just an infatuation, but she desire him.

Maybe she was young and stupid to think of any of this, she was beginning to like Lux from the start, but who wouldn't think that he only might as well take advantage of it because of her naïveté.

Steela Gerrera was his type all along. She's strong, determined, she got this fuzz hair---I mean, She is human and beautiful, and Ahsoka remembers all of their longing stares; their foreboding desire the way it registered their feelings would often intensified in the force.

 Realizing Lux wasn't in love with her.

And it only made her heart clenched the first moment they kissed. Ahsoka was sort of in a state of shock and she had no other choice but to lay aside her feelings, and fixate on her obligation.

What is it with all this attachment anyway? Is this how it really feels? 

Ahsoka turned her head to the side, and sighed, contemplating her beliefs.

And tomorrow she's going to fix this.

Author's Note:

Another Rexsoka fiction, but this is different where Ahsoka was hurt, because Rex already found someone whom he could love with. I didn't mean to hurt Ahsoka! If this is the fic that you want then  prepare yourself for a tear jerking experience, because this is going to be full of angst and a lot of dramatics. If this is not the fic you wanted to read go back.

Oh! This is a work of  entertainment where people yearn to write that isn't part of the Canon Universe, English is not my native language sorry, and I don't own anything.

Its going to be a sporadic update💀

[daisychainsandbowties]

weirder asks if you please: 1, 23, 29, 42, 44

who is/are your comfort character(s)?

i have Many, unfortunately, but the main ones are 

lilith, because she’s incredible and poetic and tall and she scares me. i’m comforted by her as a character with an aborted destiny, who is not what she was meant to be, but still alive, & dealing with the cost of (still) being alive. 

beatrice. i mean… damn she’s just everything to me. her gentleness and her harshness and the way it feels to write her. i think she’s one of my favourite narrative voices to work with - not even her POV but just what she does to any scene. she’s such a beautiful person & it changes everything, changes the structure of language in some indefinable way. mwah love her. 

obi wan kenobi. HE’S BABY. i just love him & there are too many reasons why but phantom menace obi and his little braid were Gender to me as a kid. profoundly gender. hoping to grow into mullet obi some day, if i am fortunate. 

obvioulsy Mo from wot. like she makes me want to rip up the trees by their roots like i’m an orc doing landscaping for Saruman but she’s!!! talk about a tectonic shift in my psyche at age single-digits when i first read EoTW. i was there with Rand & Mat in the Bad Bird scene going ‘if she asked me to do anything, then that is what i would do.’ but oh i never get tired of reading about her i just love her & she’s kind of a fixture of multiple points in my life bc i kept going back to her (& wot) like a boat into harbour. moiraine is possibly THE comfort character (tragic for me that she’s Like That. so not relaxing to be around) 

Nona from the Book of the Ancestor series. she’s autistic, she’s covered in (her own) blood half the time. she would die for her friends. she’s got a devil in her. she’s just!!!! very soft but also so dangerous & she has something gay going on with at least four of her friends and i think that’s heroic of her. 

Captain Laurence from the His Majesty’s Dragon series. he’s just the softest boi. he has a dragon the size of a small manor house & he calls said dragon ‘my dear’. what else is there to say? 

& this one is obscure but Celestia Stardust from the dnd podcast Flintlocks and Fireballs. i also love Scamp from that because they were the character who helped me figure out my favourite pronouns & also they’re a pink demon-child who once turned into a potted plant and accidentally started the French Revolution. but Celestia is the gay disaster bard, and you know i love a disaster. she’s ridiculously tall, she once rolled a nat 20 to walk through a door. her family are the worst people in the world but her sister is (tragically) kind of sexy. she nearly dies like every episode because she started the campaign with a negative con modifier (like, darling). she also says darling a lot which…. i’m fine. 

ok there are Loads truly but i’ll stop. basically the more autistic and soft and disastrous they are the more i love them. 

23. how do you feel about chilly weather?

ah see it’s a conundrum bc i am smol and therefore have no natural defence from the cold. it will be 12 degrees celsius and i will be featured in the google image results of the word ‘icicle’

BUT i also enjoy being wrapped in blankies and wearing multiple hoodies and fluffy socks (but, to be clear, i am a tough guy) so the cold is generally a good time for me. also i hate fruit flies. cannot even explain my loathing. this is why me & spiders are in alliance, why if no one got me, spiders got me. so cold = no fruit flies. ghdkslkd honestly i’d like hot weather a lot more if i had top surgery because i would be like ‘shirt WHO??’ but alas… 

29. how do you like your shower water?

shower water must be scalding. some of us have Raynaud’s Syndrome. (also yea the urge to respond with 'wet')

42: an app you frequently use besides this godforsaken site?

oh definitely google docs. me and my 10,000 iterations of ‘untitled document’ have to spend quality time together at least once every five minutes

44: you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

hmm there are a couple of people i WOULD kill but in most of those cases they’re surrounded by other cunts people who would step up and assume almost exactly the same role, so it’d really have to be someone i felt was uniquely harmful, in a way that’s individual to them in some way. probably i would think maybe some billionaire (and yeah, i am thinking of one in particular but it feels a bit too personal maybe. but def Looking just over the sea) or anyone responsible for an inordinate amount of environmental harm. it’s probably slightly boring, but i think in general not much can be prevented by killing one person (no actual real-world ta’veren & all that)

[beemintty]

my mother was taken aback by my refusal of chocolate the other day. i had a headache and felt sick so i didn’t want to eat chocolate. she thought the sugar might help the headache (and sometimes it does) but it just wasn’t going to help the nausea that came with my headache. plus i don’t like roses (the kind of chocolate she was offering). so i said “nah i don’t want chocolate” and she questioned because she’s right it is odd for me not to want chocolate. but i responded to her “why?!” with “i don’t feel like it” and then proceeded to take the bag of lychees out of the fridge to eat them instead. because fruit feels good on a sick tummy and the sugar may just rid me off my headache. but all my mother saw was alarm bells. her child refused chocolate in favour of something healthy—CONTROL. and suddenly my mother is spiralling and worried i have an eating disorder…. to which she takes this concern to my sister and my sister says this: “there is not a single person i have met who has a healthier relationship with food then my sister” and she’s right i am a lover of food and eating and i feel nothing but joy around it (i am one of the lucky ones). so with my mothers concern slightly soothed i think: hmm there are plenty of things she could have picked up on, plenty of real issues she could have seen, plenty of things that are actually wrong with my head but she only sees the one thing that doesn’t exist. and maybe i should say something. reassure her that i don’t have anxiety around food or my image but rather i have some sort of serotonin deficiency (depression) that i cant “sunshines and rainbows” my way out of…. maybe it’s my opportunity to ask for help…. but no my mother will miss the real problem not because she’s a bad mother (she is a good mum) but because i did not show her any sign of my broken brain.

[rubyastari]

I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people’s jaws drop open,

at the sight of my tiny mum,

wondering: “How could they be?”

For God’s sake, I was also born a baby!

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people love asking me this stupid question:

“Why are you so fat?”

I could mention how I survived the abuse when I was three,

when my babysitter force-fed me,

or the PCOS which causes hormonal depression,

which leads me to overeating disorder and anxiety attack,

which I still fight on a regular basis,

but they consider them excuses.

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people assume I eat all the time and a lot,

except veggies and fruit.

Of course, they always tell me to diet,

even when I just have my first bite.

Some also treat me like their personal trash-can,

all for the food they can’t finish,

just because they don’t think before stuffing their plates at weddings!

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people tell me my sister is much prettier,

only because she’s taller and slimmer.

I wish they’d just tell her themselves instead!

Saves time – I could even give them her number.

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, when I’m single, people make my fat the scapegoat.

But when I start dating or having a boyfriend,

they think I put a hex on him,

or that I have a fat bank account.

Sorry to disappoint them, but I don’t even work for this country’s government.

When I break up, of course they say: “Makanya, kurusin!

Biar gak diputusin!”

(Translation: “Lose weight, then.

So, you won’t get dumped!”)

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, when I have a skinny boyfriend,

people call us a ‘ten’.

Wait, that’s not even a compliment.

Visually, they think he’s the one and I’m the zero.

I can’t believe I still have to explain!

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, shopping for clothes is a daunting chore,

especially at local stores.

They claim it’s an XL (or XX … X? … L),

but I swear to God it feels more like an L (or worse, M).

I suffocate, feeling like being tightly wrapped in a giant bandage.

I’m always scared to cause a rip.

I often give up even before the second trip.

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people want my proofs or reports,

that I still do regular workouts.

They’re not even my personal trainers,

nor do they give me a free gym membership.

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, there are people who tell me:

“Relax, they also make fun of me,

just because I’m skinny!”

I’d like to tell them to wait for their turn,

or speak out in their own platform!

(Which, honestly, they don’t usually do.)

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, they accuse me of promoting obesity,

just by existing – as if I owe them an apology for looking like this,

as if “body-positivity” is only for certain beings,

as if I tell them to start stuffing their faces with more pork chops,

which I don’t even eat.

Of course, they can’t accept that I can still be happy.

They accuse me of avoiding reality.

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people want me to take the responsibility,

for what they don’t like to see

when they still have other choices:

like look away – or blind themselves, please!

Of course, they keep reminding me that I’m fat,

as if they’re magical witches cursing me,

but they’re just annoying bitches who won’t stay away!

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, they never believe me if I tell them I’ve been sexually harassed.

They smirk and deny, “Who wants to really do that to any fat chick?

That guy would probably get kicked.”

(No, he gets a kick!)

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people always stare at me,

every time the elevator makes a loud beep.

What?

Hey, I’ve got in here first!

Not my fault!

Why don’t they all get out?

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, people always give me unsolicited advice,

about how to lose weight,

assuming I’m unhealthy,

only because they’re thin,

and even when they’re smoking,

or when they’ve never even been fat themselves,

or even when they’re not certified dieticians!

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Of course, they won’t accept that fat is just a fact.

It always turns ugly – no thanks to their biased opinions,

which I never ask.

 I’m a fat Indonesian woman.

Yes, I know that already.

No need to tell me – time and time again.

I’m not stupid nor blind, but I do fancy their silence,

if they have nothing polite to say …

 R.

[semimedieval]

continuing on: ill-advised alan scene alert

LUPUS IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING I WOULD DIE FOR HIM

Could it be James or Clove practicing at this time of the night? But no, the dagger was ornate and barouque, unlike the plain knives that they used. That was probably why it missed me, Lupus thought, inwardly smirking. Terrible balance. A silver unicorn statue somehow attached to the dagger wouldn't help you much when you were throwing it.

nice attempt at 'baroque', young katia. close but no cigar.

2. i think it IS an interesting move, plot-wise, that this version of the extranei regularly gets attacked In The Cave Itself and have to defend themselves... it's a funny combination of 'fucking goofy' and 'kind of fun'

3. stop trying to make Monoceros Alicornquest happen. it's not going to happen. princess celestia will never be real in the extranei universe.

4. ALAN INSANE FOR THIS ONE

"Take him away," Alan commanded. "I don't like turning in dented fruits."

rim is a very funny choice of extranei to homophobically microagress but what do you fucking know <3

5. OFFICIAL ORIGIN OF VINCEDIS. here it says vincedis "blocks element powers" which is not really the exact same thing that it does later on but whatever whatever

6. QUARTZ IS GAY MOMENT #4000

Quartz thought of Alan. "I guess his crush on me was fake," she smiled. "I'm glad, what with what..." she lowered her voice "... Obsidian is going through, as well as others..."

"i don't want to fall heterosexually in love it only brings pains and agonies i would like to be single forever" okay quartz <3

7. "rim isn't here" "he's probably out hunting or something" SPARK. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT??? RIGHT AFTER EVERYONE ELSE JUST GOT ATTACKED BY ALAN?? who by the way just showed up, threw some daggers, kidnapped max (i guess???) and then left again???

8. lupus and clove have figured out that they were brother and sister on like five separate occasions and it sticks less and less each time

9. moopy commenting "He's barely been here a couple of days and people are missing him! That's probarbly the first time people have missed him at all! LOL XD" is so..... i wonder if that inspired quartz and rim's conversation at monoceros keep in 2.0. he is so tortured <3

10. "How many people raise thier eyebrows in this RPG?!? XD" jack is so mean to me </3 how many people tuck their hair behind their ears, jack?

11. oh my god.

Ky smiled at Lupus. This was the best kind of relationship. They were still friends and there was no awkwardness between them. He loved her, yet he did'nt pretend to be someone he was'nt. Not extremly romantic, which was good. Obsidian watched Ky and Lupus, slightly bitter. Why couldn't he and Chuji be like them? He supposed it was because Lupus was different from him-- more outgoing, less shy, and more optimistic. He'd also experienced romance before... well, so had Obsidian, but it wasn't a conventional one.

much to unpack here. including: who the fuck did lupus date when he spent most of his time locked up in monoceros keep? is obsidian being jealous of lupus and ky's relationship the motivator for him being a dick to lupus in the upcoming adventure, resulting in them breaking up? in what world are obsidian and chuji not friends? (answer: in 1.0, which leaves them no space to be friends at all; them being friends is an invention of my revisions).

12. everybody FINALLY went to bed after this Night That Never Ends, so time to hit post i guess

[thegravityblog]

My alter ego: This is what I hate. Idk what happens some nights, I am like “Why?”. Cheer up boy, sleep. She never lost sleep for you. And whatever she did was just an act. It was all fake. You’re just around the corner one step away. A couple of steps more and you’re there. You’ve already started feeling a sense of relief, don’t destroy it. Fuck her! She doesn’t deserve a soul like you. What the fuck in this world do you think, a woman who in her delusional world thinks she’s strong and a girl boss but when the times were really tough, got somebody to fill the void and just escaped? You think this person deserves to be in your late night thoughts? Cmon dude. Now you being deluded. Some people are fabulous actors, it was just an act. Now sleep, you have things to tackle. Who will take care of the employees, the product, the market, the clients and the associates? The whole fucking company? You put fires off everyday. Its normal, the difference is here you are completely being human. You’re doing absolutely fine. That bitch never deserved you, she was a mistake. You would had recovered by now, but she knowingly chose to fuck you for her own happiness. Her own stupid ass self centeredness. She could had ended things peacefully, but how would she feel better about herself if she couldn’t break you and confuse you? Keep you as a low-hanging fruit? But you won. You’re still around and you have achieved more than her in lesser time. And you’re rocking. There are so many more beautiful woman out there, what are her standards? You deserve someone who is internally beautiful, but not some fake ass girl boss. Girl bosses are accountable for their shit, your own elder sister is an example. That’s what a girl boss is. She owns her stuff and is not afraid to take responsibility. That’s the truth you needed to hear. Cool? I am surprised with all that cash in the bank you still think about a worthless fake human being! Sleep my boy. Winners don’t lose sleep for losers. Reserve this mental space for something meaningful. That chick took seconds to slip into someone’s bed, what makes her a strong woman? 0 self control when things were wrong. And did she win? Leaving you? Have you seen who is she with? Is he even a man? And the lifestyle? Cmon dude, you should treat yourself a single malt next evening that she left you for a loser. Just because someone is always with a person doesn’t mean that person is a man of values. If he was, really, do you think they would had been coupling on a porn site? That’s there side hustle. So you think this man, who also takes the easy route to get rich is a man of values? High value men aren’t fiddling on a chicks tail and following her orders. They make her life better in an unimaginable way. They move their lady to do better in conventional ways. A proper side hustle, in reality that guy is just being her pimp. How much of a reality check do you need more? Which civilized guy would record videos of her girl and post them online for money? Is that a gentleman’s definition? That guy is allowing thousands of guys to jerk off seeing her girls ass. Is this enough for tonight? Reality check. Don’t be them. Don’t be deluded. Being in solitude needs courage which you have been showing, these people are weak. Ask them to be alone for just a month and they’ll get mad, because in reality they can’t be with themselves. They don’t have the time to reflect on who they are! just don’t waste time on thinking why. Why is because she is this way. Not a gentleman’s possession but a pimps public property. Sorry, online pimp sounds accurate.

Yep, my alter ego is right. Sorry dude. 😂🥲

*These convo’s are very interesting between me and my alter ego*

[labyrinthoftartarus]

I think I am stunning.

No, but really. I think I am drop-dead gorgeous. I think I am stunning. I think I am beautiful and pretty and sweet.

I know, I know. This sounds so... out of the blue. I am generally a person who really can't see how I can ever be "pretty" in a sense. Every time I look in the mirror, I see a deformed mess of my face and limbs, glaring at my jarring reflection.

I don't know why. I can't help it, too. I happen to look very, very disgusting.

However, there are times I look at my jutting bones, my grotesque lips, and sunken eyes that I can't help but wonder, oh wow, I really am gorgeous! I look unconventionally attractive. I have a sullen appearance, like that of an overripe fruit. I have brittle, branch-like limbs divaricating into slender, rigid fingers. I have wisps of long hair, which is so dark that it shines purple.

Viewing myself as an art or poetry really helped with my self-esteem. Earlier, I used to cope with my looks by feigning.

1. Making fun of myself to feel confident.

I'd pretend to admire and love every inch of myself, while subconsciously hating the very aspect of it. I would say, "Oh, I have pretty eyes!" while thinking they looked disproportionate. After a while, my method of coping transfigured into a much more twisted kind of praise.

For example, I'd say, "Wow, I am so beautiful and gorgeous, I think everyone should love and praise me for my beauty and worship me."

That is...not coping.

That's mocking.

It was an indirect way of making fun of myself, I suppose. In the end, I was again subconsciously reminded of how absolutely idiotic and undeniably ugly I am.

2. The reason for my insecurity.

I will admit, I probably had it easier than others. While others were subjected to endless taunting by their parents and peers, I suffered less vocal means of humiliation. I wasn't belittled or shamed excessively, but I did have my share of frequent poking and stabbing.

My mother, though a relatively good person, has this annoying habit of making fun of someone. My mom used to excessively criticize my lips, my hair, my body...all from childhood.

I was on the skinnier side, and throughout my life, every relative I have ever met has openly shamed my physique.

I'd get comments like,

You look so ugly and weak!

You look like a corpse!

You look ill! Eat up, no one likes skinny girls.

Your sister is cuter than you.

ALL UNFILTERED!

I mean, I really couldn't care less, but some comments got to me. Especially comparisons with my sister, because at that time, everyone adored my sister and never tried to give me a second glance.

I was jealous of her, getting all the praise and compliments only because she is fairer and chubbier than me.

As I became a teenager, my mother started rebuking my appearance. I had very sensitive skin which always resulted in burns/breakouts if I skipped facewash ONCE, which was a bummer. My mom continuously mentioned this, along with how ugly I looked.

I frequently had arguments with her and would burst into tears. She claimed that she was just being helpful by pointing out the things I don't seem to see wrong about myself. I know she doesn't mean any of it, but her joking habit really can hurt someone.

It grew to a point where whatever I mentioned was somehow associated with how I looked. For example, I'd mention how I was hungry and she'd rant about how ugly I look because I am skinny and about how I probably should eat more. Every. single. thing was associated with my looks. It got exhausting after a point. I try my best not to care, though.

My second shock came in school. Many people talked about how I look ugly now and how I looked better when I was in elementary. This was a severe blow to my self-esteem. If I was hanging out with a prettier friend and people tried to talk to us, they'd entirely IGNORE my presence and act like I was something repulsive and disturbing.

Am I really repulsive and disturbing?

3. My skin!!!

I'd stare at my boyfriend and observe his skin. He literally looks stunning. He got super clear skin and speckled gold all over his face.

I AM SO ENVIOUS OF HIS SKIN.

I really want clear skin. My skin is extremely sensitive and dry. Each day, I have to wash my skin at least four times with facewash. If it goes up to only three, there's a 100% guarantee of breakouts.

Experimenting with different products only leads to worse results. However, I somehow managed to find what suits my skin. Pray for me.

4. I am the woman of my poetry.

The best way to increase my self-confidence is by romanticizing myself. I write poems and scriptures about a girl like me, but highly exaggerated and romanticized.

I MAKE MYSELF THE GIRL OF MY OWN POETRY!

I romanticize my dark hair, small almond eyes, jawline, and reedy limbs and find out how beautiful I look when I'm written down in words.

I look prettier, more sophisticated, and more glamorous.

CLOSURE

I think I am beautiful. I think I am a work of art. And I may not be, in everyone else's eyes, but in mine own, I shall forever be.