#from the one time ive played game on stock management you want to buy shit while its low and just sit on that purchase until it's higher

[muffant]

DnDecember Day 7 - Gaudy Minotaur Rogue

Gundint the Minotaur Arcane Trickster Rogue

Gundint is the first born child to the Aurrgue name, they were raised proud and savvy. They aren't one to lower themselves to meet someone else view point, you either get it or you don't and they dont have time to waste other wise. After all, time is gold. However every now and then they'll meet someone who knows how to polish their ego just right and earn a few lessons (that said the advice they give is short term at best, what you think them dumb enough to not notice when their getting pandered too?). Trained to think first, speak second, act third they aren't to well verse when conflicts arise, normally they can detect when things are going sour and leave before it escalates, but in the rare time they are trapped in a conflict the only thing they can rely on is their late developed magic.

"You see, you need to watch how the market fluctuates and predict the drops and rises of the economy, once you've found a pattern. Go all in."

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

[marianthropology]

Legal person A corporation was a person Before a black human was Corporations had more freedom and were often more dignified A person, a legal person with no moral mind "No soul to save, no body to incarcerate" Stockholders are our main squeeze More money, more incentive, more death Holding my stock holders Sweatshop sadness in Guatemala, in Honduras Starving in Bangladesh an in China Hello Nike, hello Wal Mart Burnin trash in the Dominican Republic Manual of Mental Disorders DSM-IV Callous unconcern for the feelings of others Science of exploitation, 7 ¢ an hour New chemicals Shnthetic love New galaxy of garbage Indestructible shit Indestructible me Birth defects are just a joke Born without eyes , trivalize death Cancer funhoudr Factory farming utopia Rbgh Monsanto satanismo No evidence, no lies Deceitful labels, deceitful smiles SO MUCH MILK WE DON'T NEED crazy cows, crazy me Puss puss titties Antibiotic resistance jokes Agent orange Vitenam is a playground, Vietnam is a video game Never admitting guilt Nuclear waste, nuclear love Foamy rivers, bubble destruction Pero copper corporation It's okay, it's alright Piggy farms Piggy pollution Criminal fines are fine A civilization that can't fly Poisoned legacy for you all Psychopathical corporation on the rise Prototypical psychopath Artificial legal structure Flesh and blood morals CEO crown Layoffs are in fashion Inherently monstruous Individually? Suicide gene Suicide me Terminator seeds Terminator me Kiiling little farmers that are farming on top of the hill Destoying themselves through a suicide gene Mind set / set mind Vandana Shiva x queen of the seeds Elavorate ruse to end this The majority of this planet isn't rich white men Phil Knight kill yourself, kill your Nike Environmental vision, no speech, no turbulations, no regulations Facing extinction One day this will be ilegal One day I will be in jail Bombs made out of gold Iraq 1991 Sadam, shake it up Sadam, make some trouble So we can get cheap cheap plastic So we can buy some cheqp cheap barrels On dear Sadam, you know you want it Brokers breaking the laughs of Iraq The laughs, the laws, the smiles In devastion there is opportunity In devastation there is cash Catatrophe fees Protecting traditions Ending public regulations It becomes wealth when you put a fence around it Wealth creation Wealth usurption BUY BYE A price attached to making a mess A mess attached to destroying the planet Buy me a permit to poison the ocean Let me borrow your lighter to set this on fire Little frogs What do you think about when you re not thinking about me? Are you thinking about our Biblical names and our incestuous tendendcies? What do you tell your friends when you talk to them about whom you re sleeping with? What do you think when you think about me leaving your Putin mask on your pillow? Can you remember my aroma as vividly as I can remember yours? Because your smell impregnates my hair, my hands and my eyelashes for days and days Owning it, owning every square inch of the planet Owning every breath of life A bb gun and a time bomb Eating Corn Flakes and smoking Camels Communists deibking Coca-Cola Nag me til you buy me Nag you til I get it Chuck-E-Cheese sad mess Marketing to unborn children Marketing to little puppies Get your kids into addiction early on, addicted to crack or Skittles or tv but them hooked this second, right now Consumer power puff girls Create wants, create desires Dissasociation societies Costumer mold Costumizing buyers Designed fidely/stupidity Walking billboards with Adidas shoes Divert our minds, manufacturing our consent The street of the WALL Perception management Sell the domination Branding is not adversting Brading is production, creation, manipulation, meaning, feelings Disneyworld, Disneyland, Disneyhell Empirialistic desire of branding You shop, you wear, you live on Rent a friend Sell yourself Product placement in "real life" Inveting Patening micro-organisms Tv Guide Filtered truths Bobine growth hormone Profit, profit, profit rBST milky monday Dire consequences 22 tv stations Corporate lawyers, corporate lies Putting up a fight A principle bigger than just making money Rain water is provatized Tears are privatized "¡El agua es nuestra, carajo!" Water is not a commodity Word bank ideals Justice not bullets in Bolivia Cochabamba revolution Condoning fascism Condoning thirld-world killing Corporate fascism Corporate Benito and Rudolf Fanta orange, the nazi drink that was allowed inside in Germany Now there's no need to hide behind an orange mask Concentration camp cards Communists, gays, jews and all them other crooked kids Someone had to write in those cards Code 6 Special treatment in a gas chamber All of these cards were printed by IBM But it's okay, they've been getting good at playing chess Computers used to destroy us all Can you always know? Can you always tell? Profit inspires allegiance to any flag General Butler playing matchmaker Taming Mexico, Honduras, Cuba, China for the big boys who like to play dirty with oil and sugar and bullets "A gangster for capitalism" Overthrow Roosevelt A coup-de'etat is not much fun anymore Epicenter of destruction The line is not blurry It isn't there anymore Everything inside and outside the store is for sale Bow down your heards, the corporation will now lead us in prayer SOS Democray Limited We're inside, they're out Little tactics to seem just a little evil Who's accountable for the blood of these children? Wendy Díaz demanding life Demanding more than 3 cents an hour Unlocal dislocation Human rights? Indigenous rights? Women's rights? An assembly line that assembles the end of civilization Boycott the ones who are destroying us Hands off our basmati rice Mondanto, Du Pont, Aventis Let's pick up the salt walking ahainst the British Saving seeds, survival seeds Insustainable industrial mistakes Undo the destruction we've unleashed Independent from corporate monarchies, toranies, wars The greed gap The greed crack He'll sell me the gun to kill him if there's profit in its bullets Numbing our minds, Dumbing us down

[fashiontrendin-blog]

The 2017 Men’s Grooming Awards

http://fashion-trendin.com/the-2017-mens-grooming-awards/

The 2017 Men’s Grooming Awards

A man’s shelf in the bathroom cabinet is better stocked today than ever before. Where our fathers’ generation graduated from the shit-shower-shave school of personal upkeep, the chap of 2017 has both the choice and the inclination to be meticulously groomed from head to toe.

If anything, the products now available are bewildering in their diversity, with a potion for almost every conceivable problem. Beard dandruff? Try this balm. A bib to catch your stubble debris? Yes, that exists. A penis refresh spray? We wish that one was just a bad joke, to be honest.

So, to make sure your cabinet is stocked with only the essentials, FashionBeans presents our edit of the year’s best scrubs, serums and scents, along with the hairstyle trends, grooming gadgets and trendsetters that (should) have influenced your look this year.

Best Face Product

Lab Series Solid Water Essence

A quick splash of water was once all your mug needed to face the world. And those days could make a legitimate comeback with Lab Series’ Solid Water Essence: a quick-dab hydration gel which quickly perks up your complexion thanks to a mix of caffeine, ginseng (two things guaranteed to wake you up in the morning) and antioxidants to keep wrinkles at bay.

The reason it stands out for us is that it works for everyone. If you’re a dedicated groomsman, use it as part of a comprehensive skincare regime that includes a scrub, moisturiser and serum. If you’re more slap-it-on-and-go, keep this is in your drawer at work for an energising pep up before (or after) a night out.

Buy Now: £39.00 for 150ml

Hairstyle Of The Year

The Peaky Blinder

Its fourth season hit our screens this year and while Peaky Blinders has long been driving the old-school heritage look in menswear, this year it influenced men’s hair trends too. You might quibble about Cillian Murphy’s dodgy midlands accent, but you can’t argue with his mop.

The classic short back and sides gets a twenties remix, with a disconnected step between the closely-clippered sides and lots of length and texture up top. A masculine riposte to the quiffs and slick-backs of the Love Island crowd, the style also made it to the catwalks of men’s fashion week.

Murphy himself revealed that the original twenties cut was designed to prevent the spread of lice, but don’t let that put you off.

Best Grooming Gadget

Oral-B Genius 9000

Despite your grandma’s confusion, Bluetooth has nothing to do with your actual teeth. At least, that was the case until the release of Oral-B’s Genius 9000.

Okay, we can hear a similar geriatric query in your throat: why do we need a Bluetooth-connected toothbrush? Well, the Genius 9000 automatically monitors your routine, gleaning real-time info about your brushing technique to give you the best chance of whiter teeth. Plus, this clever gadget automatically reduces brush speed too, protecting enamel and generally improving gum health.

Buy Now: £89.99

Best Shaving Product

Harry’s

Ignore the naysayers: there’s no such thing as peak beard. The clean-shaven look is, however, becoming increasingly stylish again, especially if you’re lucky enough to tout a cover-ready jawline.

Giving you more choice (and remarkably good prices) is Harry’s, an American shaving subscription firm. By offering German-engineered blades online, the grooming outfit can reduce costs and undercut the standard supermarket price tag without compromising quality.

As well as advanced, ergonomic razors, Harry’s offers a complementary skincare line-up that’s friendly on the pocket, and even friendlier on the face.

Subscribe from £3.95

Game-Changer Of The Year

Dry Shampoo For Men

It’s not an innovative new product by any stretch, but 2017 was the year that guys realised dry shampoo is not just for women or festival-going crusties.

In fact, this category of hair product lends itself to far more than Glastonbury grooming. While regular shampooing removes sebum – the stuff more commonly known as ‘grease’ – it can also rid your locks of the essential oils it needs to look its best. A dry shampoo, on the other hand, absorbs sebum without removing the oils your scalp actually needs, resulting in the perfect ancillary treatment for in-between washes or days when you’ve gone a bit hard on the snooze button.

Best Hair Product

Aveda Thickening Paste

According to the American Hair Loss Association, almost 85 per cent of men will encounter thinning hair at some point, making lacklustre locks inevitable for the majority.

Don’t grab the hair clippers just yet, though. Instead, enlist Aveda’s Thickening Paste into your arsenal, a grooming essential that’s specifically designed to expand individual strands. This makes your hair thicker, both to the look and the touch, and even the densest of mops would do well to take full advantage.

Buy Now: £21.50 for 75ml

Grooming Comeback Of The Year

The Moustache

From sex offenders registers to best-dressed lists, the moustache has to be this year’s unlikeliest comeback. Just think, excluding Crimewatch, top lip topiary was last seen in the eighties and even then, they were a scar on most family photo albums.

Fast forward to today, though, and moustaches are less handlebar, more handsome, with Hollywood’s elite provided plenty of proof that you can wear a moustache without irony or a terrible sense of style.

Two things are key to avoiding a Ron Swanson and making it work: you need a jawline worthy of a 20th Century Fox contract, and you have to balance out the fluff with well-preened stubble elsewhere for a look that is modern and masculine.

Best Everyday Fragrance Launch

Hugo Boss Bottled Tonic

A true contemporary classic, Boss Bottled takes two time-honoured styles of men’s fragrance – oriental and fougère – and fuses them together to form a scent that’s sold over 70 million bottles to date.

The apple, geranium, clove and cinnamon core of the original is still present in the brand’s 2017 Tonic, but with the addition of ginger and bitter orange, it’s much sharper and altogether more effervescent. Perfect for day or night, and great value at under £50 for 100ml.

Buy Now: £49.95 for 100ml EDT

Best Luxury Fragrance

Acqua Di Parma Note Di Colonia IV

Acqua di Parma is a label for those in the nose. The Italian luxury outfit may not be a household name with celebrity-fronted, nonsensical TV campaigns – but that’s precisely the point. It doesn’t have to rely on all that noise, instead becoming an informed choice through sheer quality.

However, if the fragrance house’s latest release – Note di Colonia IV – is anything to by, grooming’s best-kept secret is about to go mainstream. An expert blend of green mandarin and bergamot, it’s masculine without smelling like a footballer’s eau de awful, and manages to keep things fresh with sweeter notes of Turkish rose and orange blossom.

If all secrets smell this good, we’re happy to play the loudmouth.

Buy Now: £280.00 for 150ml Cologne

Best Body Product

Brickell Invigorating Mint Body Wash

Several boxes need ticking when it comes to the perfect body wash. You want a product without any chemical nasties; one that caters to most skin types; and minty freshness without the sting of a multipack of Airwaves. In short, you want Brickell’s invigorating body wash.

Pricey, sure. But what you put on your body is almost as important as what goes in it, and Brickell’s foolproof formula is 97 per cent natural and 83 per cent organic, meaning you’d be hard-pressed to find a friendlier scrub for your skin. That, and the fact it leaves you fresher than Will Smith’s early acting career.

Buy Now: $30.00 for 16oz

Best Deodorant

L’Oreal Men Expert Shirt Protect

An underarm spray has been a go-to for men since the Lynx-gassed, lie-filled changing rooms of Year 8. But a deodorant is also something that’s been notorious for leaving yellow marks on PE kits, work uniforms and prime time Saturday night threads since grooming began.

Well, consider such patches a thing of the past. L’Oreal’s Shirt Protect spray is engineered specifically to combat the problem, combining anti-sweat, stain and white mark technology for an unrivalled triple threat. It should be as essential as your white button-down.

Buy Now: £2.00 for 250ml

Groomsman Of The Year

Henry Cavill

No, not a category for the best mate that downs seven pints on your big day then vomits on a bridesmaid. Instead, our Groomsman of the Year is a fellow to whom we tip our hat on the grooming front (and then proceed to copy on our next barber visit).

Henry Cavill, of Superman fame and kryptonite physique, is our hero this year, and it’s not just because of the immaculate Clark Kent cut (though that definitely helps). Look at the other trends Cavill has pioneered over the past 12 months: the buzz cut for Sand Castle, the perfectly coiffed curl, and even a moustache that, for all our initial panic, actually worked.

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