#from depths so deep
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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TWELFTHÂ DOCTOR S09 E00 | LAST CHRISTMAS
#Itâs been 9 years since this episode was released⌠feels like just yesterday#okay buckle up#his gaze a kaleidoscope of fractured brilliance moves from sharp intelligence to wild indomitable mania#a whirlpool that can hold you captive plunging into its depths#the pallor of his skin accentuated by the ink-colored fabric makes him look like a ghost standing over a precipice#a man walking the line between genius and obsession hungry for knowledge so deep that it borders on the sublime#peter capaldi#doctor who#12th doctor#twelfth doctor#twelve#last christmas#dwgifs#dw#nuwho#new who#christmas
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okay hi so listen hear me out
sea snake is a bit too obvious (and too boring)
so i made him based on some kind of lionfish??? (bc something something venomous marine animal) also with a LOT of creative liberties i made with how the fish looks like
letâs also give his fins some rips and tears here and there bc what are the implications of that??? thatâs for you 𫵠to decide
anyways chat i lowkey dont know what i was doing
i had no other thoughts but haha funny snake man i turn into fish
#mmm the quality is so crunchy#also his ass is under there i swear#a friend pointed out where it was and iâm just hfjjdjdjd#[ââŚ-#-⧠my art#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#merjamđ#-âŚâ]#also hey hi tag readers#let's do something fun here#(if you don't like deep water/drowning(?) imagery please dont continue past this đ)#âdont go near the ocean they sayâ#âfor there are sirens that will compel you with their beauty and their seductive voicesâ#âhowever you find yourself being lured in by the sea with an enchanting soundâ#âbefore you knew it you're underwater sinking deeper and deeperâ#âdespite the water filling your lungs you find yourself still conscious but not in control of yourselfâ#âas you gaze into a pair of enchanting charcoal eyesâ#âthis creature... it's a siren. and somehow you can hear its thoughts and commandsâ#âfinally. you. you are the keyâ'#âthe siren yearns to be free from the dreary depthsâ#âyou're human aren't you?â âthe siren wants to be human tooâ âthe siren wants to be freeâ#âthe siren tried to hide it but you can feel that it was desperateâ#âyou /will/ take it onto landâ#âyou /will/ let the siren be a part of that world... or elseâ#(idk what im on tbh but mer AU đđđđ)
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Funniest line in the show methinks
He definitely got whatâs coming to him!
*proceeds to get pelted by boiling hot lava and stuffed into a robot suit*
#total drama#td alejandro#Drawing in the showâs artstyle is honestly pretty fun! The shapes are all so distinct hahaha#The sheer depth of the rabbit hole Iâve dug myself into all from watching one (1) YouTube analysis video on this stupid show#Like honestly the rabbit hole goes deep and itâs simply fascinating
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first style on the drawing board: @spotsupstuff! this was a blast to try and replicate, even if the fingers did make me want to break my own XD
alright! spot appreciation time! everyone's already sung the praises of their awesome AU, but i'm just gonna gush about HOW COOL THEIR ART IS. even in sketches and flat colors, there's a dimension to these figures that i don't feel like i was quite able to capture. and then there's the OUTFITS HOW ARE THEY ALL SO PRETTY AND WELL-DESIGNED AUGH I WANNA EAT THIS ART
since depths' can is on an island frequented by storms, i figured a filipino ensemble would be a good choice of fashion. special thanks given to my boyfriend and his friends for checking if the barong-and-filipiniana hybrid outfit was properly designed and for the tagalog phrase!
links to the other parts to the series below the cut:
my style!
spotsupstuff (you're here!)
#doodlie!#rain world#my ocs#deep heavenly depths#from the lynx herself#september 20th#so uh#i removed the light purple parts on depths face#made the face look too cluttered#its now just the wing-things#i did not make an executive decision to omit it in compliance with what i interpreted as spots style#anyway one last compliment that isnt art-related#i really love spots handwriting its very lovely to look at
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couldnt decide on drawing fish or horsies
#the first one is bc I was totk infodumping and I was like yoo what if the other races lived in the depths at some point too#like. there are statues that depict each of the races but no evidence they actually lived down there#it would be so cool if we had stories of Zora that lived in the depths and changed from being in the dark for so long. like their scales#glowed and they grew long fins to feel and smell in the dark. we could have Zora based on deep sea creatures#the other one I wanted to do was depths rito but there are so few documented nocturnal birds. even less people associate with darkness#so it would have been mostly owls but maybe kiwi and nightjars. rito are so hard to draw#the other thing I was thinking was they evolved again and turned into bats. theyre pretty damn good at evolving so why not#but then my brain was like horsies. so I drew bat fluttershy#I want to give her a bat nose and membrane.. apparently the mane 6 turn her back but she grows a fang. but I also want her to have bat#wings under her feathers. like it looks like normal Pegasus wings from the outside but the inside is lined like a bats wing with membrane yk#femoral membrane and leaf nose also. maybe she gets quieter flying and better night vision plssss#discord also for fun but I wanna stylize him tmrw#my art#myart#doodles#mlp#my little pony#mlp fluttershy#mlp discord#loz#botw#totk#botw zora#eye contact#scopo
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Home
Quickly put this together today, I hope you like it! I'm really happy with the textures and emotional storytelling in this :3
#pmatga#pacman and the ghostly adventures#pacster#cylindria#pmatga fanart#art#my art#pmatga comic#Here I am with another ramble on the show and its â¨missed opportunitiesâ¨#Cyli grew up surrounded by nature (from what was alluded to at least) since she grew up in a treehouse#and I'm choosing to believe that her family's treehouse was actually not the stereotypical wooden box held together by branches and screws#but an actual livable house that's big enough for a family of four that just happens to be built into a big tree#anyway so Cyli clearly cares for nature and has a sentimental attachment to it#and going to Maze High in the city meant that she's been far away from home for the longest time ever#You can't tell me she won't get homesick from time to time#She WAS shown to feel a bit embarrassed about growing up in a treehouse though#so perhaps she hides it well and just pretends to not care over it#but deep down she misses that treehouse dearly#So missed opportunity from the show to explore her background in a bit more depth like WHY she cares so much about nature#because to her#nature is her home
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Hot and heavy sex with FuckBoy!Sero that slowly turns into the slow, deep, hand-holding, forehead to forehead, canât look away as you feed off of each others moans sex⌠Please and thank you.
#This will be my next Sero piece if it murders meâŚ.#Want to feel him in my throatâŚ#Hushing and looking down at you with that look in his eyes that scares him a bitâŚ#The look that tells you this is more than just sex; that heâs giving you something more than just his cock.#Holding you like youâre a life line and basking in your bodyâŚ#I feel like that man has charisma for days and yet; this love-struck unknowable depth he just doesnât show.#Until heâs with you that is and heâs balls deep and his stomach is doing a funny thing whenever you look at him -#and itâs making it hard to focus on the way his hand is wrapped in your hair arching your back so he can fuck you from behind :#so he does the only logical thingâŚ#He flips you over and laces your hands with his; bends one leg over his shoulder to get in just as deep and sinks in slowâŚ#His eyes on yours; mouth lingering close enough to swallow every one of your moansâŚ#You whine; eyes rolling back: âHanta: so - so deepâ#yeah; he thinks. He fucking might be in deep.#And not just in your guts.
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i love how much Bepo balances Law out...Law is so capable, smart, collected - so impressive in every way, mr got-my-shit-together
And then you find that person closest to him - person that this Mr. Perfect chose is Bepo...so unconventional in both looks and personality, weepiest cutest baby
(that is capable of very impressive navigation feats - smart!!! and is a strong fighter, but he doesnt act like it!!! he acts like a CUTE LITTLE GIRL!!)
its the best i love them so much
#ppl calling law a loser and think that he is like 2 sec from having a breakdown at any time get mad at this but idk what you are doing here#i dont agree with your idea of 'giving him depth' like this and i never will#he is deep enough to me from canon. and he is Very Cool. Deadass u guys should see me as one of the 'dudebros' cuz i AM#just happen to be a fujo too#lawbepo#talking to rev then reposting the thought here slightly reworded again lol#i love gushing abt lawbepo being so cute and special and perf
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Clay time again!
Class challenge is miniatures and I'm making a little bathtub. It's going to have claw feet and a faucet with knobs when it's done, and I'm going to try this technique with glass pellets that melt in the kiln to make a translucent layer of glass water in it!! But I want the duck to be on top of the glass and I'm not sure how it will work out since the clay needs to be fired before the glass, so maybe have the duck on a little piece of wire and fill the glass in under it?
So I'm making a second, tinier bathtub to experiment with. (it will have a duck as well)
I'm using a different variety of clay than I had been, this one has less grog and is smooth and buttery and it's more suited for details. I love playing with a new material and learning how it responds! The duck was the first thing I made with it.
Hehee
#the goal of the project is to make a âbee bathâ#for pollinator bugs to drink water from#which has to be a very precise depth so they won't drown#so it will have water in it on top of the glass water#which I hope does not confuse them into thinking it's too deep to drink from#but. worst case scenario I have a cute little bathtub and I can make something different for the bees#the tiny tiny one might make like. a nice ring bowl or something#something to put tiny things in#and they'll look like toys floating on the water :^) ehehehee
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#i know i am in a teeny tiny minorityy of da fans but#i am. so tired of v4rric#i'm tired of him being in everything#(tired FOR him too. let the man rest)#tired of him being used to market every-damn-thing#i know I KNOW since almost everybody loves him he's a pretty surefire way to get ppl's attenion#but my interest in the game literally DROPPED seeing him involved#ugh you again#i used to like him!!!!#a lot!!!!#but when i say don't leave a seb-mancing hawke in the fade if you wanna keep liking v4rric I MEAN IT#his dismissive tone and insulting word choice#about telling sebastian his WIFE is (probably) dead sent my opinion plummeting to the depths of the deep roads#(i have to tell sebastian or he'll throw a fit. he'll THROW A FIT)#i try to keep it to myself bc i know ppl like/love him and i don't want to ruin that#bc i understand why you'd like him. i do#but for all the talk of him being hawke's best friend he does NOT act like it if you romance sebastian#not to mention the ''ignoring letters from starkhaven when he's viscount bc he doesn't like the man in charge'' things from trespasser :\#i just want to meet and play with new characters rather than have the same guy shoved in my face every time around#varric critical#(if this shows in the tag and you like him i'm v sorry. i tired to censor)
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At a base level, Meredith holds a general dislike towards men, with few exceptions. These reasons are primarily related to sexuality, and her exceptions are given through familial relationships. While this dislike is not necessarily overt (as interacting with men is very much a part of her life), the way she engages with men socially vastly differs compared to women. The reasons below are derived from both canonical events and personal headcanons.
Familial & Interpersonal Relations
As a little girl, Meredith adored her dad. While her older sister Amelia was closest with their mother, Meredith was very attached to their father, spending almost as much time with him as she did with Amelia. While Meredith was very young (around 5 years old) when her beloved mage sister became victim to demon possession and killed their parents and neighbours, she was saved by Knight-Captain Wentworth Kell. In that moment, Meredith saw him as her hero and savior, and it instilled the faith and belief in herself that she too, would become a templar from that fateful day forward. As such, Meredith became an initiate in her early teens, serving as Ser Wentworth's page for a few years. In that time, she learned directly from him, but she also saw him akin to an adoptive father. Over the years, Ser Wentworth began experiencing early symptoms of lyrium-related dementia; prior to his retirement to the Chantry to live out the rest of his remaining days, he named Meredith as his successor to fill the position of Knight-Captain, and in his speech, he called her the "daughter he never deserved." This relationship was pivotal for young Meredith, and in some ways, more painful than losing her own family; she would visit him, watching him and his memories slowly fade away over a two-year period. By the end, he did not remember who she was, and the grief of losing another father is something she has carried with her ever since. In this sense, Meredith's father and adoptive father respected and loved her deeply, teaching her all they knew. She held both of them in high esteem, both as a child and teenager/very young adult. These familial relationships are very important to Meredith, and they are one of the only ways that she finds herself in close companionship to men whatsoever. In a way, she extends this type of relationship later on in her life to Cullen. Taking the older mentor role, Meredith had chosen Cullen to be her Knight-Captain because she felt a sort of kinship with him; like her, Cullen was quite young and deeply traumatized from a mage-related incident. She took advantage of this shared experience to shape and influence his ideology about mages and how to control them in the Circle using strict routines and regulations. In this way, she sought to mould him into her future successor, trusting that he would continue to lead Kirkwall's Templar Order in her footsteps, long after she is gone. In this sense, she has a somewhat maternal relationship with Cullen, seeing him as a pseudo-son; while she would never go quite as far as saying he is the child she "never deserved", she certainly places far more trust in Cullen than anyone else serving under her, and holds a certain fondness towards him.
General Relations
In terms of men more broadly and in a general sense, Meredith has never felt a desire to befriend nor deeply engage with them, mainly for two reasons - both of which are related to sexuality: namely, Meredith's own sexuality as a lesbian, as well as Meredith being seen as someone conventionally attractive to heterosexual men. Combined, these interrelated factors have led to Meredith's general aversion and dislike of most men; she would prefer to have nothing to do with men at a personal level, but works in a male-dominated environment and lives in a heteronormative society, which makes avoiding men in that capacity difficult. In the very least, Meredith finds some salvation in practicing and following a religion that is matriarchal in its hierarchy, even if the rest of society isn't.
Meredith's Lesbianism & Being Conventionally Attractive
Meredith has always been considered a very conventionally attractive person. Even from a young age, she has always been good looking, tall, and strong. Growing up in the Templar Order, she had to live alongside her mostly male Templar brethren in the barracks, and as a result, many of them have tried to flirt with her or even go so far as to pursue a relationship with her over the years. As a young teenager around age 14 to 15, Meredith's interests were strictly on her training and her devotion to the Chantry, seeing herself as nothing but a pure, pious Andrastian, who would likely be upholding a vow of chastity (even if the practice was not mandatory for Templars), or in the very least, choosing to remain chaste until marriage, if there was ever an opportunity to do so. However, as noted in the canon, marriage for Templars requires special permission from Chantry leaders and requires that the non-templar partner must be able to financially support themselves in case the templar is relocated to another Circle.
As such, Meredith often cited her devotion to the Chantry and its doctrine as the main reason for rejecting these boys, but as she grew a little older, around age 16, she started to discover her preference towards the fairer sex. While there had been some... inclinations early on (by way of homoerotic friendships with other girls living under the care of the Chantry), it wasn't until she realized that her lack of sexual interest in boys was not because of her devotion to religious doctrine, but instead, was because of her genuine sexual attraction to other girls. It took time for her to realize that there was nothing about boys that attracted her to them; she lived amongst them, saw them in more personal ways than most other girls her age, and still wanted nothing to do with them at an intimate level. They were her templar brothers, nothing more (despite their efforts to be more than that). This early 'conflict' shaped her ideas about how boys treated her, but felt that she could not express her attraction or pursue relationships with girls without repercussions, and so, for the first few years of being a Knight-Templar, she kept things to herself and still used her devotion to the Order and the Chantry as a reason to reject suitors. As Meredith came to terms with her attraction to the same-sex in her late teens, she soon became quite confident in herself upon entering adulthood. As she inherited the position of Knight-Captain after Ser Wentworth's unfortunate passing in her very early 20s, she was described as having a steeled resolve and being far more charismatic than that of the old and greying Knight-Commander Guylian. This enabled her to bring about changes to the management of the Circle, implementing strict routines and harsh punishments for the mages, without question or doubt from her peers. Even years later, after the incident that led Viscount Perrin to send mercenaries to kill the Knight-Commander, Meredith rallied the templars into a retaliatory charge to the Viscount's Keep in order to arrest him for his crimes; in a similar fashion, not a single templar balked or questioned her orders, and this led her to being named Knight-Commander at the young age of 29. Those who work with Meredith see her as a powerful figure in leadership; between her physical looks and dominant personality, Meredith has established herself as both a competent leader in the Templar Order and an attractive one at that.
Even early on in her career, it was clear to most people that Meredith's devotion to the Order and the Chantry was her utmost priority, but unlike her younger self, she attained more freedom through earning a higher rank, and so, as Knight-Captain at age 24, she began to explore her sexuality and pursue same-sex relations with other women. Mainly, she sought casual relationships with those she knew were like her within the walls of the Chantry itself (again, serving as the only place she can really go to freely outside of the Order). This allowed Meredith to fully find her confidence in tandem with her ascension in the Order, feeling far more comfortable with herself, even if that part of her had to remain hidden from the public, because of her duties as well as the potential for social stigma that could affect her career. Over time, in some ways, Meredith's lesbianism is a little more obvious to those who pay attention. In particular, the templars who have known her and served alongside her for all of their lives have noted her blatant disinterest in, and rejection of, men, and sometimes, likely, the way that she has disappeared after evening prayer and not returned across the harbour until later than most (though for years, when her brethren were still not afraid to ask, she always cited it as 'administrative business', and left it at that). In this time, her love for, and attraction to, women was cultivated, and it played a part in her confidence - which in turn, has played a part in how people perceive her, still, as a very attractive woman.
However, despite all of her hard work and ascension through the ranks of the Templar Order and some of the rumours about her sexuality, some men still believe they might have a chance in pursuing her. This has certainly lessened over the years to an extent as she has gained power and influence as Knight-Commander, and in some ways, because of aging (though that said, many see her as still rather attractive - for example, Jethann of the Blooming Rose referred to her as a "tall, handsome woman" in recent years), but after having to deal with men finding her extremely attractive for all of her life, despite her very obvious disinterest in the opposite sex, Meredith has grown to have a general dislike for most men. While she generally trusts that the men who serve under her do so at a professional level, she cares little for their personal lives or interests, and only interacts as necessary. Overall, she has very few 'friends', given her position and devotion to the Order, but she holds even less desire to be friends with men. She has no reason to engage with men beyond a professional capacity. That said, though, she does seem to care a lot for Thrask, and is quite upset when she finds out he betrays her, so I like to believe that they were in the same cohort in their youth, training and serving the Order together for many years; in this way, that particular relationship almost embodies a familial relationship, and is most certainly an exception to the rule.
Conclusion
Overall, the social context of Thedas, and Kirkwall in particular, has shaped how Meredith has developed as a person and how her sexuality exists within the constraints of the society she lives in. While Meredith accepts close familial relationships that are based in mentorship, respect, and to some degree, love, she typically rejects general relationships with men outside of that context; as a lesbian woman, she has no romantic or sexual interests in men, but as someone who is considered conventionally attractive by society and ergo, heterosexual men, she has had the unfortunate experience of being romantically and sexually pursued by them. And, because it is not the norm in society, Meredith cannot be open with her lesbian sexuality (again, for fear of social stigma affecting her career), and therefore, cannot establish rejection on the basis of a lack of attraction, but rather, instead, must reject men on the basis of her devotion to her faith. This has led to Meredith's general dislike for men, and preference to avoid interaction if at all possible. Outside of this fictional context and going into real life, a lot of lesbians - myself included - find it more comfortable to decenter men in our lives. This is a process that helps women break free from a compulsory heterosexual society (from Adrienne Rich's (1980) theory that heterosexuality is innately assumed and enforced by a patriarchal and heteronormative society, particularly for women), by way of unlearning and subverting patriarchal norms, and changing gender relations, so that women's worth is not tied to the interests of, nor the relationships to men. Obviously, this process is arguably easier for lesbian women who already lack the romantic/sexual attraction to men and who love and support women. Obviously, for Meredith, this is not as easily attainable in the context of Kirkwall and wider society in Thedas. She spends almost all of her time surrounded by men in the Gallows who serve under her as Knight-Commander, though for the most part, they respect her as their leader. While she cannot necessarily decenter men in the same way as someone like me in a modern world, she finds her reprieve where she can by going to the Chantry for her daily evening prayer where she is surrounded by other women. This is why, if she has the opportunity to meet, work with, or even engage in potential relationships with, more women outside of the Order - as nobles or even otherwise - she will take it.
#HEADCANON.#[ wow I wrote an absolute monster of an essay LMAO ]#[ tldr she's conventionally hot but she's a lesbian and men annoy her ]#[ * except if you're her dads or not-son ]#[ anyway this one was from the deep depths of my brain but I feel that the way you write a lesbian character should take into consideration#how society treats us vs how we view a patriarchal society ]#[ also while I dont think Meredith would identify as a femme necessarily; this is 100% the femme lesbian experience ]#[ so many femmes who are conventionally attractive to men have to deal w them not taking their rejection or being taken seriously at all ]#[ as a butch lesbian i am visibly gnc and gay and deal w the opposite issue where cishet men are threatened by my existence lol ]#tumblr pls post this im begging#[ ok it was just being a little punk about 4000 characters per indent block LMAO ]
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There's a weird kind of tension I feel being in the Locked Tomb fandom without being Christian. Especially having grown up in a heavily Christian part of the world, constantly surrounded by pressure to convert.
I don't only mean the constant low grade cultural pressure underpinning daily life, though I mean that too. I mean I get accosted in the street by missionaries. I mean I was first told I was going to hell when I was four years old, by a babysitter who would only let me watch Veggie Tales. I've had a man handing out leaflets follow me around attempting to lay his hands on my head or shoulders while reciting what I think a Catholic friend later told me was called the Sinner's Prayer, cajoling me to repeat after him. My grandfather died after being unable to find a support group that wasn't rooted in the christian faith, and didn't therefore require him to violate his religious beliefs.
Which is all taking the long way around to saying I don't really vibe heavy with the series' christian subtext. I like to enjoy the story primarily through other lenses.
But at the same time the symbolism is there, and intentional, and doing a lot of very interesting things. So I am paying attention to it. I try to consider it an interesting mythological theme, like the classical Greek references. It usually works, but maintaining that distance can be a struggle.
I don't really have a conclusion here. It's just a weird place to be. The draw of wanting to connect the dots, to appreciate the intricate symbolic art, at war with... all that, and with the creeping anxiety that whispers: how much of a philosophy can you know before you get filled up with it? Is there ever a point where you are what you know, whether you want to be or not?
#so yeah#I'm not likely to get very in depth with christian interpretations#because when I try to consider thing from that perpective there's a small animal in the back of my mind that starts tearing itself to piece#like a rat in a glue trap#to be clear this isn't about animosity#I hope there are people writing very deep essays about how Gideon is Jesus is Harrow and Thomas and Peter and all those guys#I might write some myself framed as literary references#I am glad people send me references and connections they make and make predictions from them#I love getting those messages!#this is just about the small animal which is me dying in a glue trap#and how pretending it isn't there only makes it worse#please don't let my weird second hand smoking style religious trauma dissuade ypu from sending me your theories#op
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Getting into andromeda after spending the last few weeks replaying the original ME trilogy is so funny, I feel like I've stepped from a hardcore military sci-fi straight into a young adult adventure coming of age story
#they all (except drack) feel so young and lost!#it works pretty well in combination with a new galaxy where loterally everyone feels lost and is searching for growth#but itâs such a change of pace from the assuredness of playing shepard on the normandy#tho I'm sure part of it is bc of ryder's design (even if i did customize a bit)#she doesn't look like she has a military career she looks like sheâs fresh out of school and got kicked right into the deep end#mass effect#I have more thoughts (positive and negative) but i'll hold off going into any more depth until I've finished my playthrough#will probably write some more posts on the og trilogy in the meanwhile tho bc I still have thoughts to air out#mass effect andromeda#nella talks
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i'm in my "i want to hold him" phase
#toontown#corporate clash#corporateclash#chip revvington#toontowncorporateclash#toontown corporate clash#ttcc#chainsaw consultant#perry winkles#perry draws#<- putting that there because edited models#selfship bullshit yet again#perry is WAY too small to properly hold him. can barely even fit eir arms around his shoulders. ey dont care.#i need to talk more in-depth about these two though i just keep posting the sappy stuff#the sappy stuff is good but i need to talk about the whole qpr slowburn eventually!!!!!!#but also. but also. chip as a giant ~9000lb 11ft 7in steel machine needs to be held so gently and told everything's okay and he's safe and-#relieve him at least slightly of the dark cloud hanging over his mind.#let him feel relief told in a heavy sigh expelled from his neck vents.#he's in control and that's what's important.#he'd probably chuckle to himself. how did he get here with a critter of all things?#and yet he still sits there feeling comforted and loved#god i want to hear him chuckle. it'd be such a deep and bassy sound. it'd be adorable.#idk. something something roger and jessica but traumatized that's my favorite summary of these two#đ#cherry
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#first therapy session went well !#i didn't cry which is v surprising lol#maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but#therapist already picking up on things i didn't like#never really thought of myself as an anxious person#depression was more so what stuck out to me#but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving#like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing#but like my coping skills are isolation lol#and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities#and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it#like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc#im afraid of what people think of me#and im scared of interaction#but im also dying for human connection lol :'))#i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah#and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :'))#LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT#idk this is my diary fr#anywho sorry for everything#will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but#love you all#and im so sorry for not answering the asks#thank you for reading my fics#your comments mean sm to me truly#love you endlessly
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