#from 2019 so again he either ages like a fine wine OR he doesn’t age at all

[lilianhuas]

季肖冰 x Ginger潮儿

[eldritchw1tch]

i don’t want you like a best friend: a tswift-pimms playlist

i don’t want you like a best friend: a tswift-pimms playlist 

link

this is the pimms playlist i spent more than a year working on from like, 2018 to the end of 2019! as such, it only contains music up through lover, not anything from folklore or evermore. @permets-2​ finally poked me into posting the liner notes, which I gave up on because tumblr formatting was fighting me, so please know i haven’t actually looked at them since 2019 and there might still be missing things? idk.

this playlist is absolutely dedicated to my beloved @faiasakura​, who did her own version of an all-tswift pimms playlist completely independently (we actively avoided comparing notes, lol), which can be found here!

i don’t really go here lately but i hope this is of interest to someone!

Prologue

1. Don’t Blame Me (reputation)

for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away, I'd beg you on my knees to stay

…

Lord save me, my drug is my baby

I'll be usin' for the rest of my life

Act 1: The Q

2. Gorgeous (reputation)

a crush

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

…

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But what can I say?

You're gorgeous

3. Treacherous (Red)

something magnetic, pulling them both in

And I'll do anything you say

If you say it with your hands

And I'd be smart to walk away

But you're quicksand

…

Your name has echoed through my mind

And I just think you should, think you should know

That nothing safe is worth the drive

And I will follow you, follow you home

4. Dress (reputation)

a shared and precious secret: love, desperate and messy and everything. But also: the scrutiny, the frenetic anxiety, the fear.

I’m spilling wine in the bathtub

You kiss my face and we're both drunk

Everyone thinks that they know us

But they know nothing about—

All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation

My hands are shaking from holding back from you

5. Tied Together With a Smile (Taylor Swift)

the pressure builds; jack’s anxiety gets worse

Hold on, baby you're losing it

The water's high, you're jumping into it

And letting go, and no one knows

That you cry, but you don't tell anyone

That you might not be the golden one

And you're tied together with a smile

But you're coming undone

6. Long Live (Speak Now)

the glory, the playoffs, the memorial cup: the golden boys of hockey, on top of the world

Long live the walls we crashed through

All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

I was screaming, long live all the magic we made

And bring on all the pretenders

One day, we will be remembered

…

Hold on, to spinning around

Confetti falls to the ground

May these memories break our fall

7. State of Grace (Red)

the 34 days, inside kent’s euphoria

This is a state of grace

This is the worthwhile fight

Love is a ruthless game

Unless you play it good and right

These are the hands of fate

You’re my Achilles heel

this is the golden age of something good and right and real

8. Cruel Summer (Lover)

(that golden season and its dark underbelly)

So cut the headlights, summer's a knife

I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know

-

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

9. Haunted (Speak Now)

the overdose: kent finds jack on the bathroom floor

Whoa, holding my breath

Won't lose you again

Something's made your eyes go cold

-

Come on, come on, don't leave me like this

I thought I had you figured out

Something's gone terribly wrong

You're all I wanted

10. I Know Places (1989)

kent in the waiting room, holding on hope

Something happens when everybody finds out

See the vultures circling, dark clouds

Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out

It could burn out

…

Lights flash and we'll run for the fences

Let them say what they want, we won't hear it

Loose lips sink ships all the damn time

Not this time

Act 2: The Fallout

11. The Story of Us (Speak Now)

kent goes to the draft; jack won’t answer his calls

Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room

And we're not speaking

And I'm dying to know

Is it killing you like it's killing me?

Yeah, and I don't know what to say

Since the twist of fate, when it all broke down

And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now

…

The battle's in your hands now

But I would lay my armor down

If you say you'd rather love than fight

12. Last Kiss (Speak Now)

jack and kent, the same realization from opposite sides

So I'll go sit on the floor

Wearing your clothes

All that I know is

I don't know how to be something you miss

I never thought we'd have a last kiss

Never imagined we'd end like this

Your name, forever the name on my lips

13. Death By A Thousand Cuts (Lover)

Starting to live with the devastation and the broken heart

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

’Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

14. If This Was A Movie (Speak Now)

regrets and memories

Last night, I heard my own heart beating

Sounded like footsteps on my stairs

Six months gone and I'm still reaching

Even though I know you're not there

I was playing back a thousand memories, baby

Thinkin' 'bout everything we've been through

Maybe I've been going back too much lately

When time stood still and I had you

15. Cold as You (Taylor Swift)

the grief and pain become anger and bitterness

And when you take, you take the very best of me

So I start a fight cause I need to feel something

And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

…

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray

And I stood there loving you and wished them all away

And you come away with a great little story

Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

Interlude 1: Jack

16. I Almost Do (Red)

kent doesn’t know as much as he thinks he does (but jack doesn’t either)

I bet you think I either moved on or hate you

‘Cause each time you reach out, there’s no reply

I bet it never, ever occurred to you

That I can’t say hello to you

And risk another goodbye

…

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

It’s probably better off this way

And I confess, babe

In my dreams, you’re touching my face

And asking me if I want to try again with you

And I almost do

Act 3: Coming of Age in Vegas

17. New Romantics (1989)

vegas; teammates; living in the moment; drinking, dancing, and self-destructing

We're all here, the lights and boys are blinding

We hang back, it's all in the timing

It's poker

He can't see it in my face

But I'm about to play my Ace (ahh)

We need love, but all we want is danger

We team up, then switch sides like a record changer

The rumors are terrible and cruel

But honey, most of them are true

…

Heartbreak is the national anthem

We sing it proudly

We’re too busy dancing (yeah) to get knocked off our feet

Baby, we're the new romantics

The best people in life are free

18. Begin Again (Red)

kent starts to move on

And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid

I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did

I've been spending the last eight months

Thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end

But on a Wednesday in a cafe, I watched it begin again

19. The Way I Loved You (Fearless)

all the drinking and dancing and dating still feel empty and hollow; he just wants to feel again; he just wants that love back

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

It's 2 AM and I'm cursing your name

I'm so in love that I acted insane

And that's the way I loved you

Breaking down and coming undone

It's a roller coaster kind of rush

And I never knew I could feel that much

And that's the way I loved you

…

He can't see the smile I'm faking

And my heart's not breaking

'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

And you were wild and crazy

Just so frustrating

Intoxicating, complicated

20. The Lucky One (Red)

kent parson: the loneliest boy, so alone at the top of the world

You had it figured out since you were in school

Everybody loves pretty, everybody loves cool

So overnight, you look like a sixties queen

…

And they tell you that you’re lucky, but you’re so confused

'Cause you don’t feel pretty, you just feel used

And all the young things line up to take your place

—

Another name goes up in lights

You wonder if you’ll make it out alive

21. Come In With The Rain (Fearless)

(starting to move on is not the same as letting go)

I’ve watched you so long, screamed your name

I don’t know what else I can say

…

But I’ll leave my window open

'Cause I’m too tired at night to call your name

Just know I’m right here hoping

That you’ll come in with the rain

Act 4: Implosion

22. Out of the Woods (1989)

memories he can’t escape of a love like a car crash

The night we couldn't quite forget

When we decided, we decided

To move the furniture so we could dance

Baby, like we stood a chance

Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying

And I remember thinking

-

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet?

…

You took a Polaroid of us

Then discovered (then discovered)

The rest of the world was black and white

But we were in screaming color

23. Red (Red)

Kent decides to go to epikegster

Loving him is like driving a new Maserati

Down a dead-end street

Faster than the wind, passionate as sin

Ending so suddenly

…

Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes

Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go

But moving on from him is impossible

When I still see it all in my head

In burning red

Loving him was red

24. The Last Time (Red)

didja miss me? (something tentative; something a little bit hopeful on both sides)

Find myself at your door

Just like all those times before

I’m not sure how I got there

All roads they lead me here

I imagine you are home

In your room, all alone

And you open your eyes into mine

And everything feels better

25. The Archer (Lover)

kent tries to extend an olive branch but it’s still covered in thorns

Combat, I'm ready for combat

I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

'Cause cruelty wins in the movies

I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

…

I've been the archer, I've been the prey

Who could ever leave me, darling

But who could stay?

…

And I cut off my nose just to spite my face

Then I hate my reflection for years and years

26. Bad Blood (1989)

jack’s answer to kent’s wounded lashing out

Oh, it's so sad to

Think about the good times

You and I

…

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood

You know it used to be mad love

So take a look what you've done

’Cause baby, now we've got bad blood, hey!

27. Breathe (Fearless)

kent, driving away from epikegster

I see your face in my mind as I drive away

'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way

People are people and sometimes we change our minds

But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

…

And we know it's never simple, never easy

Never a clean break, no one here to save me

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

…

And I can't breathe without you, but I have to

Breathe without you but I have to

28. All Too Well (Red)

despite all the pain, there’s an irresistible nostalgia for what they had all those years ago—for when things were so much simpler

Maybe we got lost in translation

Maybe I asked for too much

But maybe this thing was a masterpiece

'Til you tore it all up

Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise

So casually cruel in the name of being honest

I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here

'Cause I remember it all, all, all

Too well

…

Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it

I'd like to be my old self again

But I'm still trying to find it

Interlude 2: Kent

29. Fifteen (Fearless)

a memory, a reflection

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you

You're gonna believe them

And when you're fifteen and your first kiss

Makes your head spin 'round

But in your life you'll do things greater than

Dating the boy on the football team

But I didn't know it at fifteen

…

When all you wanted was to be wanted

Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday

But I realized some bigger dreams of mine

Act 5: Moving On, Growing Up

30. Clean (1989)

finally learning to be his own person, separate from that shared past

There was nothing left to do (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

When the butterflies turned to

Dust that covered my whole room

So I punched a hole in the roof (Oh-oh, oh-oh)

Let the flood carry away all my pictures of you

…

The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud

But no one heard a thing

…

Rain came pouring down

When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe

And by morning

Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean

31. 22 (Red)

friends and freedom, and real joy in that this time around

It feels like a perfect night

To dress up like hipsters

And make fun of our exes, uh-uh, uh-uh

It feels like a perfect night

For breakfast at midnight

To fall in love with strangers, uh-uh, uh-uh

…

Yeah

We're happy, free, confused, and lonely at the same time

It's miserable and magical, oh, yeah

Tonight's the night when we forget about the deadlines

It's time, oh-oh

32. So It Goes… (reputation)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

'Cause we break down a little

But when you get me alone, it's so simple

'Cause baby, I know what you know

We can feel it

…

And all the pieces fall right into place

Getting caught up in a moment

Lipstick on your face

So it goes…

…

I'm yours to keep

And I'm yours to lose

You know I'm not a bad girl, but I

Do bad things with you

So it goes…

33. Dancing With Our Hands Tied (reputation)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

I, I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah, we love without reason

Oh, twenty-five years old

Oh, how were you to know?

…

Could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

…

I'd kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I'd hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

34. Wildest Dreams (1989)

[a doomed love can still be a good one]

He's so tall and handsome as hell

He's so bad, but he does it so well

I can see the end as it begins

My one condition is

…

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your

Wildest dreams, ah-aah, haa

34. Shake It Off (1989)

At the top of his game, at the top of his sport, and actually happy at long last

I never miss a beat

I'm lightning on my feet

And that's what they don’t see, mm, mm

…

But I keep cruisin'

Can't stop, won't stop groovin'

It's like I got this music in my mind

Saying it's gonna be alright

…

'Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play

And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break

And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake

Baby, I'm just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

I shake it off, I shake it off

35. Holy Ground (Red)

Remembering with enough distance and experience to appreciate what was, not ache from it

Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress

We had this big wide city all to ourselves

We blocked the noise with the sound of, "I need you"

And for the first time, I had something to lose

And I guess we fell apart in the usual way

And the story's got dust on every page

But sometimes, I wonder how you think about it now

And I see your face in every crowd

…

'Cause darling, it was good

Never looking down

And right there where we stood

Was holy ground

Act 6: Reunion

36. ME! (Lover)

reconnection, reconciliation, re-appreciation

I know I tend to make it about me

I know you never get just what you see

But I will never bore you, baby

(And there's a lot of lame guys out there)

…

'Cause one of these things is not like the others

Livin' in winter, I am your summer

Baby doll, when it comes to a lover

I promise that you'll never find another like me-e-e

37. This Love (1989)

an unexpected reawakening

Tossing, turning

Struggled through the night with someone new

And I could go on and on, on and on

Lantern, burning

Flickered in my mind, only you

But you were still gone, gone, gone

…

Been losing grip, on sinking ships

You showed up just in time

…

This love is good, this love is bad

This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh

These hands had to let it go free, and

This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh

38. End Game (reputation) (ft. ed sheeran as jack)

After all this time, there are things they aren’t ever going to let go of again, no matter the trouble they bring

I got a bad boy persona, that's what they like (what they like)

You love it, I love it too 'cause you my type (You my type)

You hold me down, and I protect you with my life

…

I don't wanna touch you, I don't wanna be

Just another ex-love you don’t wanna see

I don’t wanna miss you (I don't wanna miss you)

Like the other girls do

I don’t wanna hurt you, I just wanna be

Drinking on a beach with you all over me

I know what they all say (I know what they all say)

But I ain't tryna play

…

I wanna be your end game (End game)

I wanna be your first string (First string)

I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team)

I wanna be your end game, end game

39. You Are In Love (1989)

something real; something sacred; something to build a life on

You can hear it in the silence (silence), silence (silence), you

You can feel it on the way home (way home), way home (way home), you

You can see it with the lights out (lights out), lights out (lights out)

You are in love, true love

You are in love

…

You kiss on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night, he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says "You're my best friend"

And you knew what it was, he is in love

40. Change (Fearless)

when the two biggest hockey players of their generation come out of the closet—together—are in love with each other—it changes more lives than just theirs

So we've been outnumbered, raided, and now cornered

It's hard to fight when the fight ain’t fair

We're getting stronger now, finding things they never found

They might be bigger but we're faster and never scared

You can walk away, say we don't need this

But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this

…

'Cause these things will change

Can you feel it now?

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down

This revolution, the time will come

For us to finally win

And we'll sing hallelujah, we'll sing hallelujah

Oh, oh

41. Call It What You Want (reputation)

When it stops mattering what anyone else thinks

All my flowers grew back as thorns

Windows boarded up after the storm

He built a fire just to keep me warm

All the drama queens taking swings

All the jokers dressing up as kings

They fade to nothing when I look at him

And I know I make the same mistakes every time

Bridges burn, I never learn

At least I did one thing right

I did one thing right

I'm laughing with my lover, makin' forts under covers

Trust him like a brother

Yeah, you know I did one thing right

Starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night

…

My baby's fit like a daydream

Walking with his head down

I'm the one he's walking to

So call it what you want, yeah

Call it what you want to

42. Lover (Lover)

love

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

And this is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you 20 seconds or 20 years?

…

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close?

Forever and ever, ah

Take me out, and take me home

You're my, my, my, my lover

43. New Year’s Day (reputation)

love

You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi

I can tell that it's gonna be a long road

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town, babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

…

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it’s hard or it’s wrong or we're making mistakes

I want your midnights

But I’ll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

44. Daylight (Lover)

Building a new life in the daylight

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in

Everyone looked worse in the light

There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven

I'll tell you truth, but never goodbye

…

I once believed love would be (burning red)

But it's golden

Like daylight, like daylight

Like daylight, daylight

…

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night

And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

[allie1804-fan]

Please Assist Me (Chapter 3)

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

He said

Not long after that conversation with Alex, it was the party for my mom. Karina had insisted that Sophia and the kids come given the work she’d put into planning it and it was an informal affair with other kids coming and some entertainment laid on for them in the hotel gardens. After the meal, I caught up with Sophia as she needed to go through some travel requirements with me. Once that was sorted out, the conversation turned to some books she’d ordered for me and how I was getting on with them.

“So how’s the Dostoevsky?” she asked

“Oh I’m not onto that yet, I’ve read it before but I lost my copy. I thought I’d take it on the trip – something to pass the hours in the lounge and on the plane”

“Would you recommend it? I’ve not read any of his before”

“Oh yeah, it’s amazing, the characters are so real – it’s kind of dense, you know, but worth the effort. What do you like to read?”

“Oh well, I don’t read enough. It’s hard to find time with the kids  - Javier really didn’t like me reading either”

“What! Why?”

“Oh because once I start I can’t stop! You know if we were on holiday and I took a book, I’d just be, poor company I guess and he doesn’t read – not fiction anyway so, I guess it was one of the many things we didn’t agree on!”

“Well that’s his loss! So you never said, what you like I mean”

“Oh, classics I guess like Jane Austen and Hardy. And some new stuff – you know, thrillers like “Gone Girl” and I did just read a new book, the sequel to The Handmaid’s Tale, “The Testaments”

“Oh right, good?”

“yeah really good – just as disturbing as the first but also a gripping tale, almost an adventure really, you know wondering what will become of each character you follow”

We carried on talking books and screen adaptations. It was really the first time we’d talked about something other than her work tasks and I enjoyed it. It got my thoughts drifting back to what Alex had said.

The trip I was going on was in New York for 4 days -  it was a casting trip where I’d be meeting up with Anja, a casting director to finalise a few roles for a future  project.

We had fun and the casting was successful. I enjoyed Anja’s company and I noticed that she was being a little flirty. There was  no time for more than an informal bite in New York but she grasped the bull by the horns and suggested we go out when we got back to LA.

I agreed – I guess I was trying to shake off Alex’s words and thought that maybe a relationship with her would be more appropriate than starting something with Sophia  -  after-all, I didn’t even know if there was a chance Sophia could like me in that way.

I couldn’t think where to go for our bite so ended up suggesting that we have a low key meal at my place. I texted Sophia, asking for  help again with the prep though I can’t deny feeling a certain awkwardness about doing that after what Alex had said about my possible feelings for her.

After the casting trip, I arrived back home from New York  in the early hours of Friday, earlier than I’d planned and headed straight for bed. I’d hopefully be able to thank Sophia later when she came over with the groceries that I needed for the meal the next day.

 She Said

I remember when things started to get complicated in my heart. We’d had such a nice chat about books at his mum’s party and he’d given me a hug to thank me for my efforts on his behalf with sorting all the arrangements. By now, I definitely felt like he was a friend as well as my boss.

Shortly after the party, Keanu went to New York to do some casting sessions. I got a text from him the day before his planned return asking for some help with another dinner. He didn’t say who was coming which led me to believe it must be a woman. For the other meals I had helped him with he’d always made a point to say who the guests were (how many, their names etc) Maybe it was the casting lady from the trip – he’d said she was also based in LA.

My feelings were unnameable  - at least I didn’t want to name them as they made me ashamed. There was a mix of the protective in there but also jealousy for sure. I scolded myself for my crazy feelings.

It only got worse when I went to the house to make sure everything was fine there, feed the fish etc. There were some clothes on a clothes airer in the kitchen that I’d thrown in the washer for him after he left. I folded them and headed to his room, opening the door without a care only to find the room in semi darkness and Keanu lying asleep on the bed. He was on his back and I was fairly sure he was naked. The sheets barely covered his modesty and I almost dropped the laundry at the sight. I turned on my heal quick as a flash to get away in case I’d disturbed him enough to wake him.

I felt hot  - my thoughts flitting between wondering why he was home already and marvelling at his  lovely body.

I headed back to the kitchen with the laundry pile and distracted myself by making a start on the food prep for his meal tomorrow. About an hour later a sleepy Keanu emerged, surprised to see me standing chopping onions at the island

“Sophia, I thought you were coming later. Everything OK?”

“Yeah, all fine” I reassured him “I just couldn’t get a sitter for the kids after school and I thought it would be better to get this done on my own, without the rug rats causing mayhem”

“Oh sure. I came home earlier ……….” He stated

“Yes I know”  I replied a blush rising in my cheeks” and I couldn’t help but glance in the direction of the laundry pile

“There’s some laundry there for you  - I didn’t want to …… disturb you by bringing it in”

I could see the flush of embarrassment rising up his neck and above his beard

“I took you by surprise didn’t I?”

“Just a bit” I chuckled and the mood relaxed a little

“Sorry” he said rubbing his chin, still blushing.

“No problem. Anyway, I’m all done now so I’ll leave you in peace. Hope your dinner goes well”

“Sure, thanks Sophia, I really appreciate it”

 He Said

My dinner date with Anja went really well. She loved the food and we had a lot in common  - some of our friendship and professional circles overlapped so the conversation never ran dry. There were still parts to cast for the project so I knew we’d continue to see each other, so there was time for things to develop. I actually got the distinct impression that she wouldn’t have minded if I’d made a move on her then but that wasn’t my style anymore on a first date. I’d got more cautious in my old age  - at  least that’s what I told myself. In retrospect, I wonder if something else was holding me back. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to get laid but as she left to get her Uber, I just went for the kiss on the cheek and we said we should arrange something else soon - probably after our next casting session in a week or so.

It was the Autumn of 2019 and things were quieter for me workwise though I started to go to the gym regularly knowing the Matrix 4 was around the corner.  I didn’t need Sophia so much for household tasks but there was still some travel and for once I started to think about Christmas quite early rather than making a last minute dash to Neiman Marcus on Christmas Eve!  

Sophia was once again in her element choosing gifts for my mom and sisters. She’d also built a friendship with Karina after the party for Mom so she was able to check out her ideas for Kim and Mom with her.

Things had moved along with me and Anja too - we’d had 3 or 4 dates and for the next one, I had invited her to mine again for a dinner. Once again I roped in Sophia to help me with shopping, prep and baking a pudding. She was going to bake me her fabulous brownies which I’d tried when she left me one as a little treat one day. It was in a cute little container with a post it on it saying “eat me!”

I’d returned the favour but not with food, leaving her my recently re-read copy of “The Brothers Karamazov” on the kitchen counter with a post-it saying “read me!”

Anyway, after tasting her heavenly brownie I knew it would be perfect for the meal I had planned. and she baked it at my house so it would be super-fresh, leaving the kitchen smelling enticing.

I served a simple steak for our meal with asparagus and baked Portobello mushrooms.  Anja was full of praise for the main and thrilled with the brownie,  closing her eyes and making yummy noises that made my groin contract and my pants tighten.

“For that you have Sophia to thank, not me!” I admitted.  

“Your PA bakes for you?”

I chuckled

“Yes she is quite the multi-tasker! I basically defined the role myself so it covers many of the standard PA things and a few unique extras”

“Like what?” Anja enquired, a quizzical look on her face

As I described the things she did, Anja started laughing

“So basically, you designed the job of a 50s wife without the complication of a relationship?”

I blushed bright red at that, especially as exactly that thought had crossed my mind when I decided I needed a PA”

I held my hand up

“You caught me! Anyway, put it this way, she’s made my daily life a whole lot easier”

“Well thank her from me for the delicious brownie”

“I’ll be sure to - so shall we go through to the living room to digest?”

Anja gladly accepted and I was thrilled to be changing the subject from my 50s wife/ PA! We took our wine through and settled on the sofa, deciding to listen to some music. I invited Anja to look through my vinyl collection and pick something. She was about 10 years my junior so we hadn’t grown up with the same music -  I had to describe various bands to help her pick something. It wasn’t exactly the right atmosphere for the Pixies or Ramones! She picked the Doors which was very chill - we snuggled up and I nestled my face into her hair. Slowly she tilted her neck to the side, an unspoken invitation to nibble her neck which I gladly did and soon we were kissing. We’d kissed before but this time I could feel that it was leading somewhere which was only confirmed when Anja shifted to straddle me. I grasped her ass and pulled her closer, whispering in her ear that maybe we should move things to the bedroom.

Once in the bedroom, Anja and I made short work of removing our clothes and were very soon having sex, I say that very specifically as it wasn’t making love, at least not for me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it and she said she did too but I’ve never felt so disconnected or remote whilst having sex. Anja is beautiful too and a nice person but some level of spark was definitely lacking. I could feel myself looking ahead to my new year schedule and using the excuse of being away to put a lid on things. That made me feel shitty and ashamed.

 She Said

Through November, my role continued as usual as did my regular contact with my boss  as we checked off the Christmas gifts and I supported him in keeping his home running smoothly. By then, he was dating his casting agent Anja which I knew from the gossip rags as well as direct from the horse’s mouth as he’d got me to bake him my brownie for a dinner he’d had at home with her.

I wasn’t sure what to make of it really – I couldn’t put my finger on it but something seemed a bit off Maybe it was the way he talked about her or more how he didn’t. You could always tell when he was passionate about something, whether it was a book, a meal, a project and so I assumed that would carry over to people  - it did with his family. Maybe he was just being guarded but, as I said, we were on very friendly terms by then so I did wonder how into her he really was.

It turned out that Karina suspected the same. We’d met up for a coffee to look at gift ideas for their mother when she brought it up.

“So what do you think’s going on with Ke and this Anja woman?”

“What?!” I spluttered, surprised that she was gossiping with me about her big brother.

“Oh you must know, you know everything” she smirked

“I do not!” I protested.

“I bet you know if she’s slept over”

I blushed as she was right. I did know. I’d seen the tell tale signs after I’d made the brownie for them  - I had spotted a couple of her things left in his bathroom when putting fresh toiletries in his vanity unit in the bathroom.

I swallowed and told her what I knew.

“Let’s just say that I loaned him the book “Normal People” a few weeks back  - and I don’t think he needs a book right now for satisfaction if you know what I mean!”

She nodded, grinning.

“Do you think it’s serious”

“Come on! I can’t say, I know I’ve worked for him for almost a year now but we don’t talk about that kind of stuff and I don’t know him well enough to judge”

“Oh, I think you do, if he was in love, you’d know”

“I don’t know about that!” I blushed secretly knowing she was probably right. I could read him pretty well by now.

��Well I do, I’ve seen you together, you know him now. I mean what was the first personal thing you did for him?”

“Buy Kim that coffee set, I guess”

“Yes, and when he talked about Kim, you knew right away, didn’t you?, how very much he loves her and how important it was because he talked about her with passion. I remember you telling me that and how he briefed you for my tagine and Mom’s party.

“Yeah, yes I guess you have a point”

“And how does he talk about her?”

“Like….” I pondered a few seconds “like a colleague” I admitted.

“Exactly, he’s just getting laid if you ask me and it won’t last come the new year when he’s off to San Fran”

I shrugged. It wasn’t my affair to worry about.

“Well they’re grown-ups aren’t they – hopefully neither of them will get hurt” I said glad to close the topic. I felt like I was talking out of turn even though it was with his sister.

@fortheloveoffanfic @kindainlovewithkeanu @omg-imagine @iworshipkeanureeves @fics-not-tragedies @ficsnroses @keanureevesisbae @penwieldingdreamer @witty-wallflower @paperplanesandwallflowers @bitchyslut99 @ladyreapermc @toomanystoriessolittletime @fanficsrusz @keanuficfiles

[thiswasinevitableid]

Anniversary (Taakitz)

This is my gift for @iamthehelperdog for the @thecandlenightszone 2019 exchange. Also my first time writing this pairing, so I hope it turned out okay!

Kravitz steps through the rift into the living room, enjoying the satisfaction that comes with the days work of a reaper and the drama his profession lends his entrances. 

Said drama is cut very short when his next step sends him stumbling over the largest wolfhound on this or any other realm.

“Ow.” He mutters into the rug, the fanciest one Taako could get his hands on, while the dog snuffles his head. 

“Mango, I swear if he just damaged my bone daddy I’m gonna blast you into the next century. Taako’s in the mood to get dicked down tonight, not take his boyfriend to the fantasy E.R.”

“Sorry Kravitz!” Magnus calls from the general direction of the kitchen before whistling for the hound. 

“It’s fine!” He calls back, standing up and resting his scythe in the holder by the front door (okay, so it’s technically for an umbrella, and the scythe will dematerialize in a matter of moments, but the domesticity of the action makes him smile).

“Nice to see you Magnus. Hello, love.” He pecks Taako’s cheek, not wanting to interrupt his flow as he cooks. It’s hard not to do more; Taako’s wearing the gold and teal skirt that shows off his legs, and his hair is pulled into the kind of messy bun that only he and a few sorority soceresses can make look good. 

“Reap anyone good today bones?” Taako dumps something heavily sage-scented into a dish.

“Nothing too unusual. Though I’m sort of worried that Barry and Lup have created a trend of lich lovers.”

“You mean people wanting to have sex with liches?” Magnus reaches for one of the slices of bread on a nearby tray, only for Taako to whack his hand away with a magically elongated spatula.

“Not quite. It’s more that they think what Barry and Lup did was romantic, even though the process was done as a fail-safe more than anything else. Setting aside the whole “defying the laws of death” issue, that process can backfire so messily that it’s better to head it off when we can.”

“What do they think of the whole thing?”

“Barry’s slightly embarrassed and Lup thinks it’s hilarious and, I suspect, a bit romantic. Even if she’d torch me for suggesting that.”

“You bet you tight skeleton ass she would.” Taako shoos their spectral cat, Dust, from her spot hovering above the counter. 

“So do they get a warning or-”

“It depends, mainly on how likely we think they are to try again.” He goes on to explain the rather star-crossed pair he dealt with that morning, as well as a spectre who was adamant about staying a ghost rather than crossing over. 

At first it feels like any other catch-up night, but as he and Magnus chat, something itches at him like pinfeathers, a sensation he long ago learned to trust. Something isn’t right.

Usually when he’s at the kitchen table, with by himself or with their friends, Taako is a motormouth in motion, chatting away as he cooks. Tonight, his comments are limited. 

Maybe he’s just in a contemplative mood. His boyfriend is allowed time to ruminate just like everyone else. Even if he usually does so out loud. 

But the itching in his marrow doesn’t cease. He looks over at the elf again. He loves watching Taako cook, the way he moves through the kitchen like a dancer on a stage. As he searches his movements, his profile, for some sign and starts going a bit starry-eyed from how beautiful he is, it hits him.

The dogs. 

Taako never lets dogs, Magnus’s or anyone else’s in the kitchen. It’s one of his rules.

Yet here they are, the wolfhound asleep beneath the table and the lab nosing about for dropped food. 

Either his boyfriend is under some sort of mind control spell, or something is wrong.

“Love, I’m going to grab wine for tonight from the cellar. Do you have a preference?” 

“It’s all hearty stuff, since we’ve got brawny here, so something red.”

“Got it. Magnus, would you mind helping me? I want to bring up several options just to be safe.”

“Sure.” Magnus shrugs with a smile and follows Kravitz out of the kitchen and down to the lower level. It’s only once they’re halfway down the cellar, safely out of range of elf-ears, that Kravitz poses his question.

“Does Taako seem off to you tonight?”

“Kinda? He let boys into the kitchen, but I didn’t say anything because I was kind of hoping it means he’s changed his rules. Not that they’ve got to go everywhere with me, but they look so sad waiting for us in the living room.”

“How was he before I got home?” They hit the bottom step, Kravitz scanning the shelves for the right bottle. 

“Normal Taako. We talked about the new floating aquarium Angus made Stephen, he complained about the restaurant down the road...but didn’t say he could make their stuffy a billion times better. Oh, shit.”

Kravtiz starts, nearly drops the bottle, “What?” 

“It’s the 15th, right?”

“Yes…”

“It’s the anniversary of the, y’know” Magnus puts a hand on his throat, making a choking noise. 

“Oh no.” That explains everything. 

“Wait, he never told you?”

Kravitz sighs, leaning against a nearby wine rack, “He’s told me about Glamour Springs, though for obvious reasons it’s not a popular topic. But he never mentioned a date, not that I can remember anyway”

“Hey, it’s okay, I only know it because he once got sloshed on Dwarven ale and told us all about it. Don’t know why Merle always uses Zone of Truth when he could just give people that.” Magnus is trying to lighten to mood, and Kravitz lets him. 

“Might be harder to toss out during a fight.”

“Dunno, I got a pretty good arm.” Magnus grins, takes the two bottles Kravtiz gives him, and leads the way upstairs. 

-------------------------------------

The rest of the evening is perfectly pleasant, Taako seeming ore like himself as they talk over dinner. He even lounges, his preferred mode of rest, feet in Kravtiz’s lap, while Magnus does the dishes. 

As he rubs his feet (and notes that he’ll need to repaint Taako’s toenails soon), he wonders if he should bring up the date. He could let Taako be, let him do whatever he needs to in order to deal with what he’s feeling. 

But what if Kravitz is what he needs, and he’s too haughty to admit it? He can’t bear the thought of being able to help the man he loves feel better and not doing it because he misreads the situation. 

Taako makes it easy on him.

“Alright, bone boy, spill; why did you have Magnus go down to the cellar?” Taako crosses his arms, blocking Kravitz’s path to the dresser (so what he can materialize clothes? Taako bought him some black silk pajamas and he likes looking dapper in them, damn it).

“To help me carry wine. I wanted to bring you a selection.”

Taako arches an eyebrow, “You have one of the best palates for wine of anyone living or dead I know. You didn’t need to grab more than one.”

“Uh, I wanted Magnus’s opinion?”

The eyebrow arches higher.

“Okay, you’re right. I knew that Languedoc would be perfect for the steak pie you made.” He sighs,  sits down on the bed, “I was worried about you, and I wanted to ask Magnus if he was noticing the same things.”

“Worried? Cha’boy is fine.” Taako waves his hand dismissively, “He made a baller dinner and is gonna get boned by his hot boyfriend. What could be wrong?”  He pulls his hair loose from it’s ties, shaking it out in a way that’s almost comically gorgeous. 

“Magnus told me what day it is.” Kravitz says softly. 

Taako sags, tries to recover his glib demeanor only for his disguise to flicker, then disappear entirely. He glances behind himself at the mirror, winces with distaste, turning his Wonderland-aged face back to Kravitz. 

It’s not that Kravitz doesn’t notice the difference between the faces. He simply doesn’t care. Taako is Taako, and Kravitz loves him, and would worship the ground he walks on, no matter what face he wears. 

He holds out his hands and Taako takes them, let’s him guide the elf down to sit beside him. 

“Dove, you don’t need to talk about it if you don’t want to. But you also don’t need to conceal whatever you’re feeling from me. I love you, and I want to help you if you’re hurting.”

“I’d really rather not focus on it. But I got a feeling you’re not gonna let it go.”

“If you need me to drop it, I will. I could also give you something else to focus on.”

Taako glances at him, skeptical, “Like what?”

“Well” Kravitz strands, grabbing a bottle of massage oil from the dresser, “I thought I could make use of my magic fingers.” He wiggles them in the air, making the elf snicker. 

“Sure, go for it.” Taako pulls off his blouse, tossing it on the floor before rolling over on his stomach. Kravitz straddles his hips, rubs the oil  (a warming one, to correct for the chilly skin) on his palms and kneads his fingers gently and precisely across Taako’s back.  

Taako sighs, though all the tension stays put. Kravitz focuses on his task, on the shape of the man beneath him, humming a concerto as he does. 

“So you gonna ask me stuff or…”

“I’m going to massage you. You can talk about whatever you want.”

“What if I wanna talk about what Dust got up to today?”

“That’s fine.” 

Taako huffs, muttering something about difficult birds into the pillow. Kravitz manages to get the knot in his right shoulder loose. 

“....It’s not even about the audience. Not this time, anyway.”

Kravtiz makes a quiet noise to acknowledge that he’s listening. 

“It’s, ugh, it’s Sazed.”

This time Kravitz has to keep his own shoulders from tensing; there are strict instructions that reapers are not allowed to punish souls for personal reasons. But if Sazed ever comes his way in the afterlife, the man is in for an earful (and will still be better off than if he runs into Lup. Goddess help him if that happens). 

“Just...I think of myself as good with people. Everybody loves Taako, y’know but--hoo, yeah, there’s a spot--how the fuck am I supposed to believe that when I misjudged someone so badly?”

“Love, if you gesture like that it makes it hard to rub your arms.”

“Look, bone boy, you wanted me to open up, so I’m opening. I got the wrong read on someone I thought I could trust and forty people died, because he wanted to either frame me or kill me or both and I just, just” the next inhale is shuddery, “what if that happens again?”

“For starters, you have me, and I’m a decent judge of character.” He circles his thumbs along either side of the elf’s spine, gets a moan that’s sweeter than any song to his ears, “and it’s not just me. You have Magnus, and Merle, and Angus, who I’m quite certain will run a thorough background check on anyone he suspects of potentially being a threat to you. And that’s before we even get to Lup.”

“You-” Taako yawns, nestles his head down into a pillow, “you going somewhere with that?”

“When you were making the show, it was mostly you and Sazed. There was no one else who cared about you who could give you perspective, warn you if he seemed twitchy or you seemed too unkind to him. It’s not like that at all now. You have many people who care about you Taako, present company included.” He leans forward, kissing the back of the elf’s head.

“You do more than care, my man” the tease is back in voice, and Kravtiz is relieved to hear it. Narrow hips twitch under him as Taako adds, “could do more than that right now if you wan-” another yawn and Kravitz laughs, rolling off of him. 

“Raincheck until the morning, my dove? I do like when you go melty and relaxed when we fuck, but you look ready to drop.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiiine.” Taako huffs, crawls, and flops his way under the covers while the reaper washes his hands. Hops under the covers himself, Taako glomming onto him as soon as he’s within range. He switches off the light, cuddling the elf close. 

“Hey, bones?”

“Yes, my love?”

“Thank you. For, um, for listening. And for not pushing it.”

Kravitz brushes golden wisps of hair aside, kissing him tenderly and as long as he can before the elf needs to pull away.

“Any time, dove. Any time.”

[ubernoxa]

So I saw this on tumblr and it inspired me to creat the Director’s (Writer’s) cut for some of my fanfics Please request any chapters from any fanfics I have writen. This was fun!

Chapter 1: The Stupid Dare

So looking back I can’t believe I wrote this December 28th 2019. It’s crazy how time flies. Looking back I don’t remember what inspired the character Delilah. I think I was watching an episode of the TV show Psych where they go to a catholic school and the idea kinda popped in my head.

So as many of you all probably don’t know is that I love the idea of the butterfly effect. Now you’re probably thinking, hey Bailey your story has NOTHING to do with time travel, and you’re right! This kinda stems off of that idea how one small action can cause a ripple effect and change your life. That’s what The Dare is about, the little choices that you don’t ever think are big ones.

I almost didn’t write this fanfic because I was worried about having two fanfics open. At the time I was writing another fanfic called After Dusk which I haven’t touched in ages and didn’t really have any direction for it. Someday I might go back and rewrite it, but for now it will stay where it is. Before I start all of this I just want to say thank you to anyone who has ever read, messaged me, rebooted, or commented. The Dare wouldn’t be where it is a without y’all. So let’s get this going!

It was all a dare.

It was all a stupid dare that shouldn’t have even been said.

That dare was the reason why Delilah and Beth walked the streets of the strip trying to choose the least intimidating bar on the strip to enter.

For me this kinda referenced this one time a friend of mine and I were bar hopping in Colorado and we 100% chose the bar we went to because I looked the least scary.

It all started when after the Friday’s afternoon service when Mark’s younger brother ran into the storage room, telling second hand stories about seeing the Devil on sunset strip.

During every story, Beth would look over to Delilah and Matt to see if they were still trying to contain their laughter. Noticing his friend’s hidden laughter at his younger brother’s stories, Mark ushered his younger brother out of the room to save him from the ridicule and back to play with the other little kids who were a couple rooms down.

They had all heard those stupid stories before. At 18 Mark knew the stories were metaphors or something stupid along those lines, but to his naive 8 year old brother, they were real.

“How about next time you guys don’t make fun of my little brother. He is only eight years old and doesn’t know any better,” Mark almost wined as he plopped down on the large armchair.

Ahh back to when Mark wasn’t a complete piece of trash and dick. You know total bottom tier human. I really didn’t like writing what happened in later chapters, but it had to be done.

“We weren’t laughing,” Delilah said between giggles making Mark roll his eyes.

“Fine, since you think it’s so funny that my brother is scared of those stupid stories then why don’t you go visit Sunset Strip since you’re not scared,” Mark’s words caused the room to go silent.

They weren’t afraid of the ‘Devil’ on Sunset Strip. They were afraid of something more ‘reasonable’, they were afraid of getting caught sneaking out.

Mark sat cockily in his chair as he watched Delilah contemplate it. Maybe she had come to her senses and would go apologize to his little brother. There was no way she would accept the challenge. She wasn’t that stupid. They all knew the consequences of one of them got caught.

Bold of Mark to assume Delilah wouldn’t do something stupid. She hadn’t seen her older brother in years and she wouldn’t miss the chance to see him again. They were close, and she had been trying to figure out an excise for months. She also is a girl and Mark was an attractive guy who she had a crush on and she 100% wanted to impress Mark. As someone who has also done stupid things to impress a guy I can kinda relate. She also wanted to see if she would run into her older brother who had left many years ago. She was one of only a couple of people who knew what actually she was so

“What do if I get into one of the bars?” Mark leaned in closer on the edge of his seat as his smirk grew into a grin. She wanted to make it harder?

Was she seriously thinking about doing it? This was going to be an easy win.

“I will do all of your chores for a month, and if you can’t get in then you’ll do my chores for a month,” Delilah reached forward instantly ready to agree to Mark’s dare. For Delilah that meant the potential for no more babysitting on Saturdays, but for Mark that meant the potential for not mopping the church floors for a month.

The room was silent with the raised stakes. They had wagered chores when playing games before, but never a months work.

Jesus Christ, Beth said under her breathe as she watched Delilah agree to the terms.

“So Matt, what do you think we should do with all of this free time we are going to have,” Mark leaned back in his chair, a smirk covering his face.

“Wait we? I only agreed to do Mark’s not Matt’s too,” Delilah was now on the edge of her seat, panic in her eye and pillow in her hand ready to smack Mark.

“Delilah Marie Sanderson, you place that pillow down and apologize to Mark for threatening him or if you want you can go upstairs and pray for forgiveness,” Delilah sighed as she heard her mother scold her.

She wasn’t actually going to hit Mark with the pillow, and even if she did it’s a pillow. It wouldn’t have hurt.

Part of Delilah wanted to tell her mom that it was only a joke and that she wasn’t actually going to hit him, but she had fought that fight hundreds of times with her mother and had lost every single one. Talking back would only make matters worse.

Foreshadowing?

Delilah took a deep breath and looked towards Mark, “I apologize for my unladylike behavior. Will you forgive me?”

“I do and thank you for your apology, Delilah,” Mark cockily replied.

The second her mother left the back room, Delilah threw the pillow at Mark in attempt to wipe the smirk off of his face.

Unable to control herself and her laughter, Beth fell out of the wooden chair that she was sitting in.

“What did you mean by we?” Delilah asked again waiting for either Mark or Matt to respond.

“Well we assumed it’s the usual 2 versus 2,” Matt shrugged immediately ending Beth’s laughter.

“Excuse me?” Beth only slightly raised her voice slightly in fear of Delilah’s mom coming back from the other room to scold them again.

“You’re excused,” Beth rolled her eyes as Mark and Matt laughed at Mark’s stupid joke.

“What are you afraid you couldn’t get in?” Mark asked Beth.

Beth sat back on her chair and replied, “No I can get in, easily.”

The lie rolled off her tongue in a little more panicked of a tone than she had expected.

—————

For this next part when writing I tried to think of what Delilah and Beth would think of as like what the strip would be. I kinda channeled that inner middle schooler where we were first learning about makeup and wanted to look like the high schoolers.

Delilah followed Beth upstairs to Beth’s bedroom where their alleged sleepover would be taking place.

Once in the room with the door closed, Delilah grabbed the variety of clothing that she brought to potentially alter.

“Which one would be the easiest to modify?” Beth looked at the variety of black dresses that Delilah had brought.

“They’re all kinda the same,” Delilah commented as she held the dresses in front of her. Beth let out a small chuckle and grabbed one at random.

Delilah watched as Beth cut and sewed the modified outfit.

To say that Delilah was nervous was an understatement. She was nervous that they would get caught trying to leave after curfew. She was worried that Beth’s or her parents would catch them in their lie of a cover story that was a sleep over.

Dinner came and went with no suspicion, besides Beth’s mom asked what they were sewing which Delilah answered with, “Beth is adding some color and designs to one of my old dresses.” It was a rehearsed answer, but Beth’s mother didn’t bat an eye at Delilah’s response, as expected.

Rehearsing answer to questions is something Delilah has been doing since day 1. What’s the saying? Overprotective parents raise sneaky kids?

The next two hours were filled with the two girls actually ‘adding some color’ to an old dress, so when asked tomorrow they had proof.

Then, right after they said their good nights to Beth’s family, they got to work on their makeup.

Both girls knew very little about Sunset Strip, but from what they did know, they thought did they an ok job at mimicking.

Saying an ok job is definitely giving Beth and Delilah too much credit.

They both knew that black was a common color on the strip, so both girls wore black with heavy black eyeliner.

They also knew that people on the strip showed skin, and this where Delilah was getting second thoughts about the bet.

Delilah had lost track of the amount of apologies that Beth had given her. Beth has transformed her black dress that rested at the knees to a half shirt and a float black skirt that barely covered Delilah’s butt. One light breeze would leave her exposed.

So Beth purposefully shortened the skirt in hopes of scaring Delilah to not wanting to go. Beth didn’t have the courage to tell Delilah no because she knew Delilah would do it without her. In her eyes Beth was trying to do what she thought was right, and protect Delilah. She was doing it out of kindness (in her eyes) hoping to scare Delilah because Beth couldn’t say no to to Delilah. Growing up it was always her and Delilah. They were both homeschooled and lived closer to each other, so they spent most of their lives together. She was also worried that Delilah would find her brother (Delilah told her the truth one night), and she was worried that Delilah would leave. Later on we slowly learn more about their relationship, but from what is currently known Delilah’s life is very different from Beth’s own.

“I’m sorry,” Beth said again as she caught Delilah messing with the length of the skirt.

“You’re fine, we don’t have time to fix it, so it will just have to work,” Delilah sighed as she tried to pull the skirt down a little more. She wished she had taken Beth up on the offer of trying the skirt on earlier, but now it was too late to be turning the sewing machine back on and make alterations. If the sewing machine turned on, someone would want to know what they were really up to.

Beth and Delilah stared at themselves in the mirror barely recognizing their own reflection.

“I’m going to Hell,” Beth unknowingly said aloud.

At this moment Beth realized that Delilah was actually going through with it. She was terrified. She wasn’t going to hell for going to the strip, she was going to hell because she knew she was going to abandon Delilah in the end. If she stayed with Delilah she would also go to hell so this was a lose lose situation.

“Well at least we will be in Hell together then,” Delilah replied with a reassuring smile.

[god-hunter]

I’m Still Evolving. And I like it!

Hey Tumblr!  It’s been a while.

I haven’t written in over a month, because honestly life’s been pretty similar lately.  I’ve fallen into a steady routine of taking care of myself.  Physical work outs have waned in place of working out mentally.  And what I mean by that is, I’ve been continuing my Self-Work with my Diary Entries and just recently caught up to 2019.  That was a Hell of a trip.

But I didn’t get on here to rant about that.  Instead, I wanted to acknowledge the now, since for the past few weeks, it seems like all I’ve been doing is living in the past.

So, what’s been happening since mid-August, or whenever that last entry was?

Well, that date with the Social Distancer never happened.  I was annoyed about that, but not enough to want to actually get into it on here.  I didn’t really care too much and I still had Needy Girl coming over every week, so that was fine.

But yeah.  In the time that I’ve been taking down my notes and taking my time to write out 2018, taking some healthy time in between and then doing the same process for 2019, I’ve basically been applying to jobs!

That Thursday Interview was garbage, actually.  I was there for 5 minutes, because I didn't really know much about Excel and asked for too much.  But whatever, no point in wasting anyone’s time.  I wasn’t in love with the job description anyway.

I’ve been applying to all sorts of things, and honestly I’ve gone through the motions.  Some days are better than others.  Sometimes it seems like jobs are plentiful and it’s so easy to get an interview.  Then other times it seems like the competition is just as steep as it ever was, and I’ve even gotten to the point where I’m not getting the jobs I Don’t want.  So put that where you will...

But for now I don’t care about any of that, because I’m on an Upswing. I know that I’ll keep plugging away and find something eventually.  Also, now that I’ve gotten a lot of that Self-Work out of the way, I really do feel Mentally, better.  I’ve sort of, cleared the air for myself about the past.  I’ve been honest with myself about my own mistakes, and.. I don’t want to say unforgiving of her errors, but definitely acknowledging them and kind of letting them go.  Because now so much time has passed that the break up was actually 7 months ago!  I stopped counting.  That’s a Really good sign!!

I hit a drought when it came to ladies, but that recently opened itself back up. Someone actually swiped right on me on Tinder 3 weeks ago!!!  This was a bigger girl, and not an immediate pick for me, but I said, “Why not?”  And ya know what?  It was a good choice.  We’ve gone on 3 dates since then and we have a 4th one tonight.  It turns out that we have more in common than I originally thought.  She’s interesting, and for now it seems that we’re both in the same place about this.  We want to keep it casual and just fun, while the rest of the world sucks.

Better details would be that we talked about 3 times on the app, about just movies and random interests.  But then she threw me her number to keep texting while she had an overnight shift at work, and I dunno..  something just worked while we kept talking.  Conversation was actually interesting and we agreed to have our first Zoom Date later that week.

That Zoom Date happened to be on a Thursday as well, when I took a great interview.  I was there for an hour!  This office building was impressive and a little intimidating.  It was your typical movie scene with glass dividers between desk set ups, I was in this nice conference room surrounded by glass at the head of the table, while my interviewer was a Woman that was basically my age, at the other end of the table.  But there’s no point in going into more details, because I didn’t get it.  I did like this job position though.  It was for a Client Coordinator and I would definitely like to do something like that in the future.  Especially for the right pay. But anyway, it’s needless to say that I had something to talk about that night on the Zoom Date!  So I broke the ice by talking all about the interview and we laughed about stuff.  She was clearly very nervous, but I got to see her Cat, she saw mine.  She did the inevitable Zoom Tour of the apartment.  I didn’t really do one, because my place was a mess, but she didn’t ask either.  It didn’t matter, because everything else was going very well.  We got more comfortable as we brought things up and found out that we both like a lot of in-depth reviews on YouTube or just watching Let’s Plays or Video Game reviews.  We even got into Dream Analysis and she talked about some real stuff without getting depressing.  We’re definitely on the same liberal scope, which is refreshing.  But she’s also not overtly political. We even talked about past hook ups gone wrong (started by her, not me) which is more of a friend thing, but still the conversation was very comfortable.  We stayed up pretty late that night, but eventually said goodnight.  We both knew we’d definitely do this in person which ended up the next week.  The Zoom Date helped us skip steps.  We didn’t meet for dinner or anything.  Instead, we just took it straight to her place for Sushi and a YouTube party.  We made out at the very end of the night.  That was nice.  She appreciated that I didn’t just go all in right away, but took time to actually hang out with her first.  [That Sushi was delicious by the way.] Oh yeah, we’re into the same music which is SUCH a huge plus to me. Yeah..  we definitely have a little spark, which is nice.  But after what I’ve been through.  I really can’t jump into something so fast.  And she is in full agreement with that too.

Our next in person date was at my place, where we basically did the same thing over Chinese.  It was some YouTube reviews and watching this Comedy Challenge show that I’ve been telling her about since we started talking.  She really loved it, so that was nice.  We shared fruit and chocolate dip too, which was great.  I like that she’s trying to behave (and frankly doing better than me) when it comes to eating, because health has become very important to me within the last 2 or 3 years. 

Take tonight for instance.  We’re going to have a big salad and charcuterie for dinner. (fancy cheese and meat plate) with wine.  She also told me about this trippy movie that I saw last night on her suggestion and we’re looking forward to diving into the meaning of it and stuff.  That’s the type of stuff that I’m really all about. Philosophical Musing and all of that. Oh yeah!  She respects the Hell out of my Self-Work writing that I’ve told her about.  At very first, she just admitted that she wished she wrote more, but the fact that she was a writer means that she still has it in her.  She’s a thinker, and I like my Women who can be analytical about their Media or the World.  It’s important. It’s interesting.

Just don’t over-analyze me, or us, or anything. (At least within reason).

So who knows?  So far, so good.

There was more to say until yesterday, but I’ll bring this girl up too. An old Highschool Flame actually hit me up on FB.  To keep the story way uncomplicated, we’ve basically known each other for 20 years, she’s an adjusted Single Mom now, so it’s clear she’s been through some shit, and I’ve clearly been through my own. So somehow on FB, we’ve been complimenting each other and I was the first to just message her a hello, which turned into walking on a trail and meeting her son very quickly.

I was tempted to write that day, but I wanted to see how it played out first.  Well, that day not only did I get along great with the kid, but she whispered in his ear and he invited me to Pizza Lunch with them, which was adorable.  He really liked me, actually sat in my lap and hugged me at the table..  It was sweet.

But we tried this again, just the 2 of us yesterday on a 2nd trail walk, and it was a no go.  I’m skipping her random FB message saying, “This is gonna sound weird, but thank you for being the kind of male I can have around my son.” Hmmm.  If I didn’t catch a vibe before, I certainly did, then.

But I was super cool about it.  Set up a Friday hang out in time, and I was pleased to hear that it would just be us while her son was in school.  This was the perfect time to feel the vibe and find out if this was just a friend thing or actually a date.

But again, I’ll keep it short.  It was just a Friend Thing.  I noticed 2 things.   1.  She sighed when I said, “I swear, the weather is always like this when I go on a date.”  She didn’t say anything, but that sigh, practically said it all. 2.  She brought up other dudes.  

From there, I admitted that I’ve been dating too, and she was all excited to hear about my stuff.

Then later, I brought up her message and said I wasn’t sure if there was a vibe or not.  She didn’t say no, but... she did make it clear that things were getting serious with this one co-worker she was dating or whatever.  And then she was back-pedaling and saying stuff like, “Wait.  Let me just make sure it’s not getting weird.”

So yeah.  This was just friends.  And that’s fine, because she’s awesome!  And so is her kid.  And I’ve already got this casual thing that I like a lot.

I was upfront with old flame.  I told her that I want to keep dating for the rest of the year.  Keep meeting people and experiencing new personalities.  And if things get serious along the way, sort them out as I may.

Our hang got cut off while she dove more into my old hang ups.  [Someone told us to get out of the parking lot because it was private property...]. But either way, it was still a very fruitful hangout.  And even though the rejection was disappointing, it wasn’t necessarily unexpected.  Honestly, it would’ve been too out-of-nowhere, and even Reboundish.  I’ve learned that if it feels too good to be true, it probably is.

But this is what it’s about!  Keeping your eyes and heart open.  I swiped on a bunch of people last night with no expectations.  [When you treat it like a game, you’re less bound to get hurt.]. That one doesn’t merit explaining, but I just can’t stand how shallow and callous people are.  So what’s the point in being invested at first look?  Just swipe and see what happens.  If you get the message, then you can start to feel things once they check those right boxes. But in order to find success in that, you gotta know what those boxes even are, right?

So anyway, yeah.  I’m a lot more pragmatic about things. I’ve got a Tinder Girl now and things are going well. =)

I’m also still hanging out with Needy Girl, who I’m working on making less Needy.  She really needs to sort out her shit and move on.

We had a whole talk about how she’s been mistaking hooking up for dating and I feel bad for her in a way, but there’s just something about her that doesn’t check all the boxes.  Attraction is definitely part of it, but it’s mostly personality. She’s just not confident in herself enough.  She’s hurt and super sensitive.  She’s got this shy, cute, naive thing going for her on top of all of our shared interests.  But that’s not enough.  Especially with how she started things with me, making me the Other Man, and throwing in this Cheating Atmosphere.

I said it before, but that is not a good Foundation for a Relationship.

And again I’ve reiterated for her that I don’t really want a Relationship right now.  At all!

So, Communication is Key.  I’ve said it before with the Ex and even though she was in full agreement, somehow we let enough small things go that they turned into big things.  Stuff that was swept under the rug became huge Resentment Issues later.  So, fuck knows, man...

Alls I know is that things are very different now.  And I like it that way. I’m still Evolving.

[mdelpin]

I Take Pride In What I Am 2019 Prompt: “But I’m sick of hiding my heart” Pairing: Natsu x Gray

First Part

Natsu arrived at the guild early the next morning grabbing the first job he saw that sounded like it would be far away and would give him the biggest chance to fight monsters. He didn’t bother to look at any of the details. His mind was still reeling from the events of the night before. He wanted to get away from any chance of possibly running into Gray for the foreseeable future. At least until he could figure out what the hell was happening.

He showed Mira the request, waiting to be given approval and immediately scowling when it wasn’t forthcoming.

“I can’t let you take this job alone,” Mira protested, “It’s too dangerous, I’d feel more comfortable if you took someone like Gray with you.”

“Hell no!” Natsu crossed his arms in front of his chest, “I don’t need that stripper’s help.”

“Well if not him, then Lucy or Erza.” Mira insisted.

“I’ll go,” Both mages jumped surprised to hear Loke offer to go on a job.

“Loke?” Mira studied the Celestial Spirit carefully, “Doesn’t Lucy need you?”

“She’ll be fine without me for a day or two,” Loke waved away Mira’s protests, “Besides, I’m still a Fairy Tail wizard and I haven’t gone on a job in ages. So how about it, matchstick?”

Natsu couldn’t really understand why Loke would want to come along, they’d never been particularly close but he was a good fighter and if he had an ulterior motive Natsu couldn’t think of what it was. He relaxed and decided he didn’t care as long as he could get out of Magnolia before Gray got to the guild. “Suit yourself.”

“I guess it’s alright as long as Natsu is fine with it,” Mira agreed grudgingly, not entirely sure what Loke might be up to, but seeing no good reason to deny his request.

“Great!” Loke cheered and as they began to walk out of the guild he asked, “Isn’t Happy coming along?”

“No, I’d been hoping to go alone.”

“I see,” Loke smiled internally, having a good idea what was bothering the dragon slayer but knowing better than to bring it up too soon, “Something on your mind?”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Natsu snapped.

“Where are we going anyway?” Loke asked and Natsu showed him the job request.

They made their way towards the train station, Natsu itching for a fight and Loke being annoyingly agreeable.

Xxx

Gray woke up nursing the worst hangover he’d ever experienced in his life. All he’d done was move his head and now his stomach was rebelling and his mouth felt like it was covered in sand. But that was nothing compared to the feeling that someone was stabbing his head with a knife. He sat up slowly, cradling his head between his hands. He couldn’t stop himself from groaning out loud.

“Not feeling so good, huh?” Cana shoved a glass in his face that smelled surprisingly of the thing that got him there.

“No more vodka,” Gray groaned again as he shoved the glass away from his nose, “How can you be drinking already?”

“The best way to get over a hangover,” Cana shrugged, drinking the contents of the glass when Gray refused it again.

“I need to go find Natsu,” Gray moaned as he got up from his couch where it appeared he had passed out the previous night.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be so eager,” Cana mused, watching him with slight concern.

“I’m not, I just want him to knock me out so I don’t have to feel like this any longer.”

Cana chuckled, “Let’s get you some food and then we can figure out what you should do.”

“I already feel sick, don’t you think it’s cruel to feed me your gruel?”

“Oy! I know I should be insulted but you’re probably right,” Cana mused good-naturedly, “Are you up to going to the guild?”

Gray sighed, “I’m going to have to go there eventually. Let me just take a shower.”

Twenty minutes later Cana and Gray left his apartment and headed for the Fairy Tail Guild.

Xxx

“So Gray kissed you last night, huh?” Loke had waited until the train had already started moving to bring up the topic, knowing Natsu would be at his most vulnerable.

The smirk on his face was enough to make Natsu want to punch him into next week but he was too weak from motion sickness to do so, so he attacked the only way he was able. He emptied the contents of his stomach all over Loke’s impeccable suit, wiping the smirk off the Celestial Spirit’s face and replacing it with a look of disgust.

“You could have just said you didn’t want to talk about it you know,” Loke complained, frustrated when Natsu remained silent, although he could have sworn the fire mage was smiling in between moans.

Xxx

“How are you feeling, Gray?” Mira asked as she watched the ice mage sit on a stool wearing sunglasses.

“I may never drink again,” Gray replied seriously.

“Well here’s some ice water, I’ll go make you some breakfast.”

Gray thanked her and looked around the guild to see who was around. He saw no sign of any of his teammates and as much as he didn’t want to appear desperate he also really needed to know how Natsu was doing so when Mira returned with his food he had to ask.

“So, uhm, by any chance has Natsu been by this morning?” He asked as nonchalantly as he could manage.

“Natsu?” Mira grinned knowingly, “Oh yes, he went off on a job with Loke.”

“That’s a funny way to say Lucy, for a moment there I thought you said Loke,” Gray laughed uncomfortably, hoping against hope that he’d heard Mira wrong.

“That’s because I did say Loke,” Mira smiled up at him, innocence in her smile but a devilish glint shining in her eyes.

“Huh. Hey Mira?” Gray lay his head down on the bar knowing that if things hadn’t been bad before he was now truly and completely fucked, “Can I go ahead and have a drink now?”

Mira tried to stifle a laugh as she and Cana shared a knowing look. She poured Gray a drink and handed it over and he downed it quickly. He was about to order another when he heard the door burst open as Erza walked in screaming his name.

His headache protested but he knew better than to say anything, he just waved at his red-headed friend. She immediately charged in his direction.

“Did you defile Natsu in the guild last night?” Erza demanded loudly.

“What?! Of course not!” Gray yelled out in indignation, quickly looking to make sure no one was around before whimpering as his head throbbed, “Who the hell told you that?”

“It’s all over Fairy Hills.” Erza explained, “Juvia won’t leave her room, I left Lucy with her to try to calm her down.”

Oh yes, this day was just getting better and better.

“Well, then what did happen?” Erza stood over him, the intensity of her glare not even remotely dimmed through his sunglasses, her fingers twitched, itching to requip a weapon but attempting to exert self-control.

Gray looked down at the floor and mumbled nervously, ”I may have kissed him, and told him I was in love with him while incredibly drunk.”

Now Gray knew how protective Erza was of Natsu. She had taught him to read and write and since then she’d proclaimed herself his big sister much like Natsu had done to Wendy. Gray was fully expecting Erza to come at him when she learned he’d touched Natsu in any way that was not part of a fight, so he was surprised when she didn’t immediately attack him after his confession.

He waited as she studied him seriously before suddenly and quite unexpectedly erupting into loud guffaws quite unlike anything he’d heard from her before. After a few minutes spent holding her belly and wiping away tears, she finally calmed down.

“Are you done?” Gray, who had not found her reaction amusing in any way, groused at his friend.

“I’m sorry,” Erza replied not looking remorseful at all. “Well, how did he take it?”

“He turned away and ran out of the guild.”

“Well, you didn’t pick a great day for it, did you?,” Erza pointed out while ordering a slice of strawberry cake and motioning for Gray to follow her to their team’s table.

“I wasn’t exactly planning on it,” Gray snapped before softening his tone as he remembered who he was talking to, “It just sort of happened.”

“Take off those ridiculous glasses, it’s not that bright in here,” Erza grabbed the sunglasses off the bridge of his nose and placed them on the table before smiling at him. “That’s better.”

Mira came by with Erza’s cake and sat down next to Gray, while Cana sat on his other side, wine glass in hand. Gray found himself surrounded by three of the most terrifying women in the guild who seemed intent to either make fun of him or help him with his fledgling love life, he couldn’t quite make out which.

“Now tell us all about it,” Erza demanded, her tone bossy.

“You wouldn’t understand,” Gray muttered under his breath.

Mira put her hand over his and said kindly, “Try us, when did this start?”

“I don’t know, a while ago, but after Galuna I was sure.” Gray rubbed his temple trying to will his headache away. It was hard to have a serious conversation with the constant pounding in his head.

Erza smiled, “I guess I can see that, it was a very emotional time for the two of you. What are you planning to do about Juvia?”

“I can only handle one headache at a time, Erza.”

Cana snorted, “I think the more important question is what are you going to do now? Natsu is not exactly the easiest person to talk to about anything serious.”

Gray groaned, “Based on what Mira said he’s avoiding me, which means he doesn’t feel the same way.”

“You don’t know that for a fact,” Erza reminded him, “Natsu has a hard time with feelings, and July 7th is a hard day for him. You literally couldn’t have picked a worse day to hit him with this.”

“I’ve already told you,” Cana reminded him, “Give him time to figure it out, he might surprise you.”

“And Loke is probably trying to help your case as we speak,” Mira giggled into her hand.

“Loke?” Erza asked with interest.

“He went out on a job with Natsu,” Mira informed her girlfriend.

Erza tried her best not to laugh, not wanting to make Gray feel any worse, but Cana had no such qualms. Her laughter rang out next to Gray’s ear making him so annoyed you could see a vein bulging in his forehead.

“You know what? Fuck it,” Gray decided, “I’m glad I told him, whatever happens, happens but I’m sick of hiding my heart from him.”

“That’s the Gray I know,” Erza encouraged him proudly, “You’ll have a fight and you’ll sort it out.”

“I’m surprised you’re taking this so well,” Gray puzzled, “I was sort of expecting you to be mad.”

“Oh, we’re not done by a long shot,” Erza assured him, her aura once again turning dark, “If you start dating Natsu, we’re going to have a talk.”

Gray gulped, okay at least things were normal there. They spent the rest of the afternoon trying to help him come up with ways to talk to Natsu once he was ready. He was feeling a bit better when the door burst open and Loke entered carrying Natsu in his arms.

Both were bickering and Gray was able to see that Natsu was bleeding severely.

He and Erza both got up and rushed over to their teammate although they quickly moved back when they got a good whiff of Loke’s clothes.

“What happened?” Erza barked at Loke who looked decidedly nervous.

“N-nothing,” He stuttered, having been on the receiving end of Erza’s anger several times before.

“Nothing, my ass,” Natsu hollered, “He wouldn’t stop talking about the Ice Prick, we got ambushed by the mages that were controlling the monsters we were sent to destroy.”

Loke tried to meet Gray’s eyes but the ice mage only looked away, angry that he’d been responsible for Natsu getting hurt unnecessarily.

Meanwhile, Natsu was trying to avoid his gaze which was not exactly giving him the warm fuzzies, even though he understood.

Gray figured it was best if he found an excuse to leave the guild so Natsu could be more comfortable. “Loke, take Natsu to the infirmary, I’ll go find Wendy. And for Mavis sake, change your clothes, you reek.”

Loke looked miserable but he did as he was told, carrying Natsu up the stairs with Mira and Erza following.

Gray walked over to Fairy Hills, looking for the youngest dragon slayer. He knocked on the door and waited for the dorm mother to answer, but to his chagrin, it was opened by none other than Juvia and Lucy, who were apparently on their way to the guild.

“Gray-sama,” Juvia wailed, holding on to his arm and begging him to tell her that the rumors weren’t true.

Fuck! He managed to ask Lucy to go find Wendy so she could take a look at Natsu before being forced to calm down Juvia.

This just wasn’t his day.

To be continued… 

A/N: It should finish up tomorrow. Spoiler, I lied! 

[disregardcanon]

end of year writing meme

Total Stories Written: 27

Total Words Written: 147413 Average Words Per Story: if you do the mean, then it’s 5,459 Shortest Story: the aftermath of rebirth at 338 words Longest: Paint a New Horizon at 23,673 words

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

I wrote fewer stories than I expected, but they were far longer than I expected. I wrote a lot of 11k fics. 

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write most?

pairing: Sansa/Margaery (throwback to 2015 omg) 

genre: I don’t feel like I had a certain genre I wrote a lot of tbh. 

fandom: A Song of Ice and Fire

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January?

THE POKEMON GAMES! Like, oh my god. I wrote fanfiction about soul silver. I wrote fanfiction about POKEMON WHITE. what. the fuck. Like, technically the first fic i ever wrote was about pokemon but i never expected to do it again. 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

I wrote 2 very long asoiaf fics about difficult subject matter. Combined, they add up to more than 40 thousand words of fic. 

Do you have any fanfic or general writing goals for the new year?

Fanfiction wise, I would like to finish up some of my wips and try to improve. 

In general, I would like to figure out more what I want my writing to look like moving forward and how to go about that. I’m experiencing some growing pains, so I need to reassess my style and strategy and see what I need to readjust moving forward. 

From the past year of writing, what was your…

Best story of this year: Paint a New Horizon

This feels like a bit of a cop out since it’s the longest, but I am very firmly the most proud of this fic out of anything I wrote this year. I feel like the emotional bits were satisfying, the romance worked nicely, and the action kept me interested in a way that almost never does. I was able to commit to TWENTY THREE THOUSAND WORDS and put my ALL INTO IT! that is. monumental for me. I’ve written long fics in the past, but those were chaptered and frankly, not as good as this one was or as much work. 

I love this verse so well that I might actually go back and write more in it later when I have time. I have the beginnings of a sequel ruminating around in my drats. 

Most popular story of this year: normally I split this up into multiple categories, but by hits, kudos, OR comment threads The Times They Are a Changin’ comes out on top. The mcu fandom really went nuts over Carol and Maria, didn’t they? 

Personal favorite:

Washing Machine Heart is a fic that I hold close to my heart. 1. I wrote this one when I was on a study abroad in Latin America, which is the coolest thing that I have ever done 2. it’s just. really well done. I’ve never written something quite so messy and unpleasant in a realistic way before. It’s ugly in the way that Steven Universe: Future is ugly right now. In exactly the way that “Washing Machine Heart” should imply 3. oh god was it cathartic 

Most under-appreciated:

Maternal, Paternal at 71 kudos, I know I shouldn’t call this one “under-appreciated”, but it’s in a few VERY happening tags, in a very happening fandom with a VERY popular set of characters. I’d think that people would be more interested in reading “Endeavor is an asshole and eventually Dabi kills him” but like. it’s whateves I guess XD

Most fun to write:

We Could Be Heroes both semesters that I had during 2019 were. super fucking stressful. the only times that I’ve had that were productive for fic was January break, summer vacation, and December break. 

Last April on my birthday, though, I rewarded myself and after I got home from hanging with some friends I just sat down at my laptop and didn’t think about literally anything. I just wrote. I took a format that I knew I liked and didn’t have to think about (talk show format with an OC I already made for a different story) and then 3 characters I was very interested in then (Melissa Shield, Monica Rambeau, and Tahani Al-Jamil) and then I just. ran with it. I wrote and wrote and wrote and it was amazing. I didn’t think about it being good or about my homework or literally anything other than this talk show lady talking to these three cool characters. 

It was wonderful. 10/10 would do it again. 

Story with the single sexiest moment: 

Familiarity. It is literally the only thing I wrote this year with ANY sex in it, so it’s automatically the sexiest. Way to go Margaery you did it. 

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

Um. Just Souring Grapes in general. 

Most challenging to write:

Biggest disappointment:

Shouto Todoroki Joins the Supervillain Dads Club I hoped to finish this fic last year in January. It’s currently December and I haven’t been able to look at the thing since. 

I think it’s mainly because I just lost the drive, but it’s also kind of because wips stress me the fuck out. And also I had 2 stressful semesters so that doesn’t help.  Favorite character to write: my favorite characters to write this year were both Todorokis! Dabi and Fuyumi are both a joy to write, I swear

Favorite opening lines: 

Serena falls down at the kitchen table feeling as cold and distant as the room does. The harsh lines and open floor plan were supposed to show a minimalism only possible with wealth, but to Serena it's always felt empty.

A Woman’s Place

Surprisingly, Theon’s life does not change much either way after Maron is taken to the Greenlands. Balon does not magically start paying attention to him, even though he’d prayed every night to the Drowned God that he would. 

Pretty Little Thrall 

The Twins are a grand fortress spanning the width of the Green Fork. A great stone tower stands on each side of the river, with a greater bridge running in between. The Frey stable boys have taken their horses, and Jeyne walks as close to the river as she dares as they make their way to the tower. She watches the river rush beside her in awe. She’s never seen a river run so wild before. It seems like the very waters rushing beside her want to rise up and drown her themselves.

Good Family

Favorite closing lines:

That's what she gave up fighting the Kree for, and Carol will do everything that she can to bring them back. She's stopped fighting for some things, but she'll never stop fighting for this. If the times don't change on this one, she'll make them. She'll rip that gaudy fucking glove off of that bastard's grape crush colored hand and shove it up his ass if that's what it takes to get her family back.

The Times They Are a Changin’

"Alright, then. Let’s do this together,” you say, “as a team.” You think that you really like this "being friends" thing. Maybe after you beat Red, you and Silver can go to Hoenn- or Sinnoh. Unova even. Somewhere new and exciting with new people to beat. It’s nice to have a partner who’s not a Pokemon, for once. You think that, together, you could be the best trainers that ever lived.

Maybe the best friends too.

no silver medals (when you get the gold together) 

The stars spread out above you- the universe expanding outwards onwards and upwards, excelsior.

Excelsior

Other favorite lines:

What does a grape do under pressure? Grapes tend to shrivel in the sunlight. Turn to raisins, actually. She doesn’t remember what poem that was from, but she remembers reading something like that in English class once. Some poem that she didn’t understand really, and might not have gotten even if it were in Japanese. She doesn’t think that’s what she’s doing.

Does it ferment, like wine? Her father always joked about her mother aging like a fine wine, growing more beautiful every year, growing stronger. But Miné isn't gaining strength, not really. Not right now. Maybe she’s just souring, getting more and more bitter about things that she can't have. Maybe she's just souring grapes.

Souring Grapes

“The authorities confirmed that Endeavor was not even in the state during the accident, and Shouto’s doctors confirmed that the burns were consistent with boiling liquid, not an open flame.” Superman looks visibly relieved to hear that.

“But that does not mean that I trust him,” Batman says, “I would prefer to keep an eye on him.”

“Why would you want to keep an eye on him, he’s a superhero ,” Captain Marvel says, with none of The Wisdom of Solomon but all of The Innocence of a Ten Year Old, “that means that he’s a good guy, right?”

Shouto Todoroki Joins the Supervillain Dads Club

The thought stabs into his brain like a needle, like the scent of pine, like the memories he’s never wanted back. Robb was the one person who ever cared about him, and Theon betrayed him to parade around as a prince and become Ramsay Bolton’s broken little toy. He swore himself to the little boy who took him by the hand when he came to Winterfell as a scared little boy and never let go. And then Theon betrayed him.

“Theon,” the trees whisper,” Theon.” The crows in the branches take flight, cawing his name, and he feels something else take flight too. His heart, beating somewhere deep inside his chest.

“Theon,” it throbs, “Theon, Theon.”

He wants to do something, something reckless, something brave. Something that makes him redeemable.

He can’t save Robb, but he can save someone . He can save Robb’s fake sister. Theon can save Jeyne from some of her pain.

If You Believe in Me (I’ll Still Believe)

She dared a glance forward and met Margaery’s eyes- a deep, chocolate brown. They were warm and inviting and Margaery’s little curly bangs framed her face like a heart. Margaery’s head went over the back of the booth and it seemed to almost be floating against the flowery wallpaper. It looked like Margaery was lying out in a field of flowers- the Maiden gazing up at the clouds and trying to make shapes of them.

She could imagine Margaery telling her that this one is a flower, like Tyrell, and this one’s a deer, like Baratheon, and this one’s a dick, like Joffrey. She giggled nervously again and felt her cheeks flush. She’d never felt this giddy and unsteady in her whole life.

“Are you alright, Sansa?” Margaery asked cautiously. She reached across the table and laid a hand over Sansa’s own. The touch was warm and tender, and Sansa felt the blush from her toes to the tip of her head.

“I’m perfect!” Sansa nearly screeched. Margaery laughed at that, but her look was kind.

“Yes, darling,” she said with a smile that was wide and fond, “I think that you are.”

Lesbian. The word wasn’t supposed to fill her with such a warm, hopeful feeling, was it? She wiggled awkwardly in her chair, trying to get situated and stop feeling so silly and excited and vulnerable, but it didn’t fix anything. She felt Margaery’s leg brush against hers under the table. It sent a jolt through her.

Lesbian.

Sansa took a shaky breath. She thought to herself that there might be something to that.

Paint a New Horizon 

[carmenlire]

Color Me Blue Ch. V

read chapter one

read chapter two

read chapter three

read chapter four

read on ao3

Alec feels exhaustion pulling at him but he steps out of the shower and heads to the sink, intent on shaving the three-day scruff that’s accumulated.

The accident on the Manhattan Bridge had kept Alec in the ER for over twenty four hours. He’d lost two patients and another six had been transferred to the Intensive Care Unit after undergoing extensive operations. It had been the following afternoon before Alec had crashed on the nearest cot in a staff lounge and slept a full six hours before he woke at midnight for his shift on the 31st. It had been a grueling shift but when someone had asked if he could cover their evening as well, Alec had almost said yes.

Almost.

Before he could accept, he’d remembered Catarina’s party. He had already RSVP’d and it would be the height of impolite not to show up after that. Alec might be known for being a bit of an ass but Maryse’s rules of decorum had been drilled into his head from a young age.

With regret, he’d told Dr. Underhill that he actually had plans. Underhill’s eyes had widened in surprise but then he’d smiled and clapped Alec on the shoulder, saying something along the lines of it’s about time you did something for yourself, Alec.

So, Alec had come home and crashed for an hour-- that did absolutely nothing for him except make him even more tired-- before dragging himself out of bed and into the shower. He doesn’t even know how long he’d spent in there with the steam and heat putting him into a fugue state.

He feels almost human when he steps out and Alec wakes up further as he starts shaving. Finishing that, he turns and heads to his closet where he debates for several minutes before reaching for a denim shirt that Isabelle had bought him for his birthday.

He hasn’t had a chance to wear it yet but as he slides into a pair of jeans-- Cat’s invitation had said casual attire, which he appreciated greatly-- and buttons the shirt, Alec turns toward his mirror and raises a brow at himself.

Damn, not bad, he thinks and wonders if maybe he’s gotten a little too used to seeing himself in a pair of scrubs.

He spares another few minutes to drag some gel through his hair and laces up his favorite pair of Doc Martens before he’s leaving his bedroom and grabbing his coat. For New Year’s Eve in New York, the weather is surprisingly mild. While it’ll be a little frigid by the time the ball drops in a few hours, for now Alec’s warm enough without having to add a scarf or anything else.

Looking down at his watch, it’s just after nine and he leaves his place, double checking to make sure he has his keys and wallet and phone. He doesn’t really know what he’s going to do once he gets there-- who he’ll even know-- but Alec remembers Magnus’s words and his own newly formed goal and resolves to enjoy himself even if it kills him.

He stops by a flower cart he sees on his way to Catarina’s townhouse and picks up a bouquet that’s a mix of wildflowers. They’re colorful and a little silly and Alec thinks they’re perfect for ringing in the New Year.

He finds the townhouse with little fanfare and knocks on the door, not sure what else to do. It’s opened a minute later by a grinning Cat and Alec laughs a little to himself as he sees that she’s wearing a cardboard hat with 2019 written in gold glitter around it.

“Alec,” she exclaims. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming.”

Alec looks at her confused. “I said I was on the invitation.”

Waving that away, Cat ushers him inside, taking his coat and accepting the flowers with a small smile. “I thought that you might end up working through the evening anyway and forget or decide not to come. I’m glad you made it, dear.”

Surprised, Alec accepts the hug Cat gives him and wonders just how long she’s already been celebrating.

Threading an arm through his, Cat starts walking past the foyer and into the house proper. There’s a surprising number of people there and Alec tries to pretend he doesn’t see Simon and Maia’s eyes bug out of their heads when they catch him enter.

“There’s someone I want you to meet,” Cat says absently, looking around at the party.

Alec head whips around to hers. “Why?”

Resolutely not looking at him, Cat replies, “I just think you two would like each other and since you’re both here I--”

“No,” Alec says flatly and returns Catarina’s glare with one of his own.

“Alec,” she starts, tone wheedling. “You’ve been working so much and I don’t think it’s out of the question that you might need a distraction. This distraction would just be in the form of a boyfriend.”

Alec raises a brow as he looks at her. “I can get my own dates, Cat,” he says dryly.

“But you don’t try! When’s the last time you were on a date,” she demands.

Alec mulls her question over and grudgingly admits, “I think it’s been six months. Maybe eight,” he says, trailing off as he tries to remember.

“See! That’s what I’m talking about. You’re in the prime of your life, Alec, but if you don’t stop living at that damned hospital then one day you’re going to wake up at sixty five and realize that maybe you should have spent a little less time helping others and more time thinking about yourself.”

“Cat, your reputation at the hospital was well known when I joined on. Everyone knows you’re a workaholic, too.”

“I was,” Cat admits. “But then I found a life outside of the hospital and if you’ve noticed, I keep regular hours now-- as regular as doctors can-- and I have people in my life that I prioritize.”

Following her stare, Alec sees a woman blow a kiss to Cat while she returns it. Averting his eyes, Alec has to admit that sounds nice. He wouldn’t mind having someone to share his life with-- the damned problem is that there’s no one who would tolerate Alec’s schedule and he’s not fool enough to try to settle again.

It doesn’t help that no one’s caught his eye in ages either.

Well. That’s not true.

Alec has to admit that he’s been preoccupied with thoughts of Magnus lately. The man was just so handsome and smart and witty and he just made Alec want to kiss him until they both forgot their names.

Sighing, Alec wishes that he’d had a chance to visit the bakery the past couple of days but work was a bitch and Alec had long since grown used to it inconveniencing him.

He tunes back in to his surroundings to see Cat looking at him with a steady gaze.

“What were you thinking about just now?”

Clearing his throat, Alec says, “Nothing,” and turns his head to avoid her seeing more than she should.

Cat had taken Alec under her wing when he’d first started at the hospital and through the past eight years, they’ve built a solid friendship. They occasional went out for lunch together and had a semi monthly book club that was just the two of them reading books and discussing them at the local diner.

Alec liked Cat and respected her but there were some lines that he just wouldn’t cross.

Breaking free of her grip, Alec turns to face Cat as she does the same, question in her eyes.

“I appreciate the thought, but I refuse to meet whatever guy you want to set me up with. I’m going to the bar to get a drink and then I’m going to find a book until midnight.”

Cat opens her mouth to argue before abruptly closing it. “Fine,” she says and Alec has the niggling feeling that she’s just humoring him before she turns on her heel and walks away from him.

Deciding not to look a gift horse in the mouth, Alec does as planned. He orders a glass of moscato before weaving his way through guests, looking for Cat’s library that she was constantly raving about.

He doesn’t see very many people that he knows but that suits Alec just fine now that he has a plan of action. He walks past a couple kissing far too loudly in the hallway and tries the first door on his right. Successful, he sees Cat’s library in all its glory with floor to ceiling shelves that look hand-carved and original to the house.

Browsing through books, Alec finally lands on a text about medicine in the eighteenth century. It looks just interesting enough to keep his attention and he’s about to take his drink and his book to a comfortable looking chair in the fire when the door swings open.

Startled, Alec’s head snaps up and he’s even more surprised when he knows the person.

“Magnus,” Alec exclaims, instant smile lighting up his face. “What are you doing here?”

“Alexander?”

Magnus is looking at him like he’d just told him he’s the Ghost of Christmas Past and Alec doesn’t know what to do and ends up giving a little wave like the dumbass he is when he’s around Magnus.

“What are you doing here,” Magnus echoes, looking nonplussed.

“Cat invited me,” Alec says. “She usually invites me but I always end up working New Year’s Eve.”

“Catarina always invites you,” Magnus asks, voice suspicious. Alec doesn’t know what he’s getting at but he just nods.

Sighing, Magnus goes to the couch in front of the fire and settles down in one corner. Alec follows and chooses the other side of the couch, foregoing the chair he’d originally planned on.

“What’s wrong,” he asks. Now that he’s getting over his surprise, Alec studies Magnus and is a little worried. Magnus seems down and Alec hates that Magnus wouldn’t be feeling his best on what’s supposed to be a celebratory night.

Magnus considers him for a moment before saying, “I thought you were avoiding me.”

Alec rears back like he’s been slapped and opens his mouth just to close it without saying anything before trying again.

“Why would you think that? I thought we were becoming friends. I’ve been to your bakery every day for almost two weeks.”

Magnus just looks at him like he’s trying to work out a thousand piece puzzle. “You haven’t been in the past two days and excuse me if I thought you might have turned tail and run.”

Magnus isn’t doing anything but confusing Alec more. “Why would I run? I like you. I’ve just been caught up on work.”

Alec blames the fire and his glass of wine for his sudden yawn. Turning his head to hide from Magnus, Alec looks back just to see Magnus’s face slowly transforming from the glum visage it’d been when he’d sat down to something like humor glinting in his eyes.

“Forgive me, but after what happened at the bakery, I thought you were sending me a hint.”

It takes Alec longer than it should to remember and when he does his eyes widen. Now that he’s put the pieces together, he can see how it could have looked to Magnus and he’s quick to set things right.

“No,” he exclaims and Magnus’s own eyes widen at Alec’s vehemence. “I definitely wasn’t avoiding you. I just had that accident and then I had my regular shift and long story short I think I’ve slept four hours since I saw you last.”

At that, Magnus’s face softens and he moves over on the couch, closer to Alec. His eyes peer into Alec’s and Alec has nothing to blame the way his heart is racing on but the man in front of him who looks like everything Alec's ever wanted.

“So let me get this straight,” Magnus says slowly. “You almost kissed me and then had to leave for a work emergency. You’ve been working since. You haven’t suddenly decided that you'd rather suffer something horrible than run into me under another mistletoe?”

Alec can’t look anywhere but at Magnus and he sucks in a sharp breath at Magnus’s succinct words. He bites his lip, considering, and sees the way Magnus’s eyes drop to his mouth. Gathering his courage, Alec smiles just a little.

“I wish there was a mistletoe here now,” he says softly. “I wouldn’t let another chance pass me by.”

At that, Magnus’s eyes light up and he laughs a little as he moves even closer to Alec, until their thighs are touching. Alec feels Magnus’s warmth, so close and the last thing he sees before he lets his eyes fall shut is Magnus grinning at him and looking bright enough to rival the sun.

“Well, then, how lucky for us that we don’t need a mistletoe,” Magnus murmurs and less than a second later Alec feels lips against his.

It’s soft at first, just a press of the lips before Magnus shits angles slightly, deepening the kiss. Alec follows suit and as the fire crackles in front of them, Magnus and Alec share a string of kisses.

When Magnus opens his mouth for a breath, Alec deepens the kiss even further and from there the heat gradually builds until Alec’s left gasping. The two of them break apart for a bare minute and Magnus’s eyes are shining, reflecting the dull glow of the fire and they smile at each other-- something soft and full of wonder-- before they dive back in.

Alec doesn’t know how long they kiss but when Magnus urges him closer, Alec somehow ends up straddling him, knees on either side of Magnus’s hips.

He feels hands under his shirt and Alec shudders as he moves to mouth along Magnus’s neck.

It’s been ages since Alec felt like this and he distantly wonders if it’s ever felt quite as good, as all consuming as it does with Magnus.

Alec feels comfortable with him in a way he’s rarely felt with anyone else. He genuinely likes Magnus and as he feels cool air wash over his chest from where Magnus is slowly unbuttoning his shirt, Alec thinks dizzily that Magnus is different.

Their lips have just reconnected and Alec’s hands are buried in Magnus’s hair when they both freeze, hearing a pointed clearing of a throat.

Their breathing is harsh in the quiet of the room and as Alec pulls back he refuses to look at the door for just a few more seconds. All he sees is Magnus and Magnus looks good enough that Alec briefly considers just ignoring the interruption. His mouth is swollen and his hair is disheveled and with color running high across his cheeks, he looks the picture of debauched.

Alec feels a hint of pride for making Magnus look so mussed and he starts grinning, Magnus echoing his expression.

Unfortunately, the person doesn’t go away and Alec pries his eyes away from Magnus to see who had entered the library. His eyes widen in alarm when he sees his coworker and mentor.

“Cat,” he says, voice strangled and tries to straighten from his compromising position.

Cat just sends him an arch look. “Alec,” she says dryly.

Her gaze switches to Magnus and she raises a brow. “You could have told me you already knew him.”

Looking confused, Magnus’s hands rest on Alec’s sides as he asks, “What are you talking about?”

It’s Catarina’s turn to look confused and studies the two of them before her eyes widen. “Don’t tell me you two just met this evening and you’re already defiling my furniture.”

Alec shares a look with Magnus, both of them shaking their heads minutely, before Alec turns back to Cat.

“Catarina, neither of us have any idea what you’re talking about. Care to enlighten us?”

Cat looks between them as she slowly pieces things together. Before too long, she’s grinning maniacally, looking like the cat that’s just caught the canary.

“Alec,” she says slowly. “Why don’t you tell Magnus your job title.”

Confused, Alec obeys. “I’m head of the Emergency Room,” he says tentatively.

Magnus’s head whips up to look at him but Catarina doesn’t give him a chance to say anything before she’s continuing on.

“Alec, remember when I told you that there was someone I wanted you to meet earlier? You’re sitting on him,” she says dryly and Alec’s own gaze snaps to meet Magnus’s.

The room is silent as they look at each other, incredulous. Alec can’t believe that Cat and Magnus know each other. Not only that, but the man that Alec couldn’t get out of his head was the same person that Catarina had wanted him to meet.

It seems to good to be true.

Alec blinks, refocusing, as Magnus turns to Catarina. “I’ve known Alec for a couple of weeks. He started visiting the bakery. I had no idea he was who you were talking about though or I would have demanded more information.”

Catarina just sniffs, looking haughtily superior. “Maybe you should start listening to your friends, then.”

She sends them one last look before shaking her head and turning to leave. Alec hears her laugh to herself before muttering underneath her breath, “I’m surrounded by idiots.”

She shuts the door, leaving them in peace, and the room is eerily quiet now that she’s gone.

Alec looks at Magnus to find that he’s already staring steadily up at him.

“What are the chances,” Magnus says softly and his thumb starts to sweep over Alec’s side.

“I have no idea,” Alec says and leans down to kiss Magnus.

Pulling back, he sees that Magnus’s eyes are still closed and he can’t help himself as he raises a hand and brushes a thumb over Magnus’s bottom lip. Magnus opens his eyes and kisses the pad of his thumb.

“I’m glad you came to the party this year, darling.”

“Me too,” Alec says. “I have you to think, you know. Our talk about new beginnings and possibilities made me decide to take some time for myself. I think I might work too much,” he admits wryly.

“Well, maybe I can help with that, Dr. Lightwood.”

Alec’s laughing as Magnus pulls him back down and the kiss that follows is lingering and full of possibility.

New beginnings, indeed, Alec thinks and then he’s not thinking at all.

They’re still kissing as the ball drops. They barely hear the cheers from the main room and as a new year begins, Alec loses himself in Magnus and hopes that this is the start of something great.