#fritz vicious fun

[butchfortress]

realized i havent posted here much so, umm,

who wants to hear about my blu team headcanons ^__^ this is just my rundown of how they work, what they're like, and even weapon loadouts

ok so im going to roll with the teams being clones, but i dont want to make any sort of drama to be just about that, like that whole existential dread of being a clone thing. its been done to death and i have nothing new to say for it (besides, i'd assume the inital cloning process was years ago when they just got hired, by now the novelty would of worn off and weirder stuff would of happened for them to even care or worry about that.) so what i'm thinking is that there's no way everyone would have the exact same experiences after they get cloned, so everyone just splits off into their own paths and they become their own individuals almost. and interacting with themselves from the other teams isnt "oh thats literally me :(" but more so "oh thats literally me and i need to be better than him >:(" so theres always this bit of competition between everyone; an infinite loop of anything you can do i can do better.

as for everyone individually...... (i'll also throw in a ⭐ for whoever is the "master copy" of themselves)

blu scout: short stop / mad milk / stock bat

accidental honorary delivery boy. when miss pauling is busy with the actually important work, admin sends this scout around the teufort area to send out weapons and other mann co. products. red scout sees him as a bit of a poser poster child and they butt heads often, especially when red scout is off-shift while blu is making deliveries.

blu soldier: rocket jumper / b.a.s.e. jumper / market gardener

if not maybe a bit more of a conspiracy nut and more compliant to the company, i guess the most similar to his original version? can't beat perfection i guess, not a lot of notes here but they probably bite each other for fun.

blu pyro: decreaser / shotgun / neon annihilator

not visually different or note worthy either, but whatever she and red pyro have is unspoken, vicious, and brutal. they will tear each other limb by limb anytime they're in proximity. definitely another reason that fuels most of the team's fear towards them.

blu demo ⭐: iron bomber / scottish resistance/ nessie's nine iron

strategic, cool, and a bit of a schemer. a real master at his craft with sticky bombs and planning traps. red demo actually likes him but blu HATES him since he (red) got the eyelander and he (himself) didn't, so he's very bitter towards him (wow this is confusing.)

blu heavy: tomslav / family business / eviction notice

goes missing from base a lot, no one knows why. he seems to be doing illegal assassin work both inside and out of company payroll. both heavies actually are in contact often and blu gives a good chunk, if not all, of what he makes to him. i'd assume any of the clones visiting anywhere outside of the immediate tuefort area would be problematic and would have restrictions to prevent two of the exact same person from walking around in the world at once, so blu heavy lets his other self take it so long as it goes directly to his mom and sisters. if he can't visit them personally, at least him knowing they're stable financially and doing well is more than enough for him.

blu engineer ⭐: rescue ranger / wrangler / wrench

the dell conagher, enough said. he's the most in contact with admin behind miss pauling for her own purposes. he'd rather not think about his red counterpart, but i will say that this version does not have the gunslinger. that was all red engineer post-cloning. but he does have the only australiam tool between both teams so it balances out maybe.

blu medic ⭐: overdose / vaccinator / solemn vow

he thinks hes dr fritz ludwig from emesis blue 🤣🤣🤣 tries VERY hard to be a cold collected scientist but ends up being more neurotic and jumpy. screams a lot. actually maybe dislikes his team? and loathes his own red copy for actually trying (who btw (red) is having a great time knowing his existence is an abomination to god, its even an affirmation he tells himself in a mirror.)

blu sniper: huntsman / razorback / kukri

ironically one of the few blu team members that actually stay put in the base. he doesnt call his folks as per aforementioned restrictions, but he has no beef with his red counterpart for that. the worst they do is get extremely competitive; theyre at the top of their game and even have stand offs of just aiming for hours until someone flinches.

blu spy ⭐: revolver / black rose / dead ringer / red-tape recorder

the man, the myth, the legend. more carefree and unserious than red spy, thats partially because he doesn't know about scout's relation to him. red spy found that out post-cloning, he's missing that one bit or character development that makes him a more mature and cold mercenary, but at this moment he's none the wiser. so aside from expected spy vs. spy shenanigans, their conflict is a bit more deeply rooted. he actually visits the red base a LOT, to only a few people's knowledge. makes a lot of long tangents.

[the-firebird69]

Stan and Trump are going to go to heaven together and Sherry is still trying to get away from them in the movies you should see how intense it is it's just like the movie these f****** are f**** ass obsessed losers and really it's a tough situation to be in and all this stuff is coming down and he's a f****** ass and deserves it and Sherry is trying to do the right thing a lot of times and it's amazing and you know everyone's got their hangups but this guy is useless stan and this guy Trump is useless in the big picture I could flush you guys and we'd be better off much better off and carve you out so you don't keep f****** fighting and fighting each other like little girl gay girls

Zues Hera

That's what they do and it's upsetting and people just let them sit there but really make Daddy's trying to get them out and it's given orders as the second round the third round is just coming up and by the weekend the fifth round will be there cuz we're sure it's just a juvenile little twit and won't do the right thing on purpose to be oh contraire because he is an idiot his mother answering such as fairly stupid and people do not like him at all and tell me after needs to leave he's another Wonder and they're trying to get just expecting stuff nobody is getting you anything for it and they're not getting him anything and there's a dying it's Tommy F and his device talk and it's the same as this guy and the empire forces them to do it and really they're going to get killed too nobody wants to go through this s*** with them and they're going down to the caverns and they're going to push the morons out of the way we have a few things to discuss this this work he's doing is important and he is having a lot of trouble his equipment is always in the fritz they're always threatening him you're constantly in his face and it's not what it looks like but it looks like his that they're forcing him to put it out there but he did that on purpose so he can take advantage of these idiots and people are coming to feel realize it's true so I've got another comment we need to get going on some things here and these people are eating up our time cuz they're just useless jackasses looking for a job the empire is not doing squat and they're never going to make their schedule and they try and punish people for it and we use it this idea with the Rev trike and the slingshot it's not working out for anybody the people who have who have them are stubborn as hell our son doesn't want to drive them around these people are cheap as hell and stingy and are trying to use extortion on us 24 hours a day including that Tommy F guy he's like the worst he's Al Capone and we're going to start using it on him we're using it a little because our son is having his people do it it's probably keeping him alive and we are extorting shitloads of stuff out of them every time they open their stupid mouth I find these guys over a barrel and he says there's nothing more potent than Giants extorting people because we're vicious and you brought it on yourself Tommy I need you out of my hair my personal life you're not willing to comply I'll have you killed today and from today on every day minimum one time a day you said you're going to try and change and you're not doing that but you did and you can't do it so that's the solution when I get rid of you we have to get rid of your idiots we're doing the same idiot s*** regardless of your a****** talk to try and sway me thinking of some little girl that's f****** horrible. So we have our orders and we're going to get it done because we see it works we're going to extort the living s*** out of them and we're going to threaten their cities and where Tommy f is down below I'm going to drop acid and on you all such a dumb s*** you're talking to us like. He said something that's a lot of fun it's really easy to do if you get the s*** you collected and you have a leachate system and you collect the bottom parts mostly acid and add some other asses to it as soon as s*** after you can't stand you you dumb f*** you're an idiot.

We have a lot of work to do but we're going to print

Thor Freya

Olympus

[postmodernbisexual]

Spooktober Day 9: Vicious Fun (2020)

A horror movie critic accidentally stumbles into a support group for serial killers and has to blend in to prevent himself from becoming their next victim.

The title says everything you need to know about this movie. It's brutal. It's hilarious. It's downright vicious fun.

Every bit of this movie like a campy love letter to 80s slasher horror. Each of the killers plays with a classic trope; the slow moving brute Michael, the killer clown Fritz, and the charming psychopath Bob being the most prominent of the bunch. Instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, this movie puts the old wheel up on a pedestal and goes, "look at how amazing this wheel is." This was absolutely made by fans for fans.

The main character, Joel, starts the movie as your average pretentious horror fan/aspiring filmmaker; a "nice guy" who knows just as much about the film industry as he does women. Add to that his weird obsession with his roommate, it's not hard to see how this guy could fit in with a group of serial killers. After a series of near death experiences and an incredibly intimidating woman telling him off, he seems to learn his lesson and, in an unprecedented move, is not rewarded with a kiss from either of the women at the end.

Julian Richings plays a killer clown. Do I need to say more?

If you love horror, and you love campy 80s horror specifically, I can almost guarantee you'll have a great time watching this.

[nastyatticman]

Our Little Secret (non con)

Fritz (Vicious Fun) x gn!Reader

I don’t think anyone’s written fanfic with the slashers from Vicious Fun yet? They’re the best part of the movie tbh. Anyway, shoutout to @nightmarewritingsfor introducing me to this movie and encouraging this fanfic!

You’re at dinner with your coworkers. Out of politeness, they invited Fritz, the guy who kind of... rubs everyone the wrong way. But you definitely don’t mind his company. You might have a little crush on him. Not that it matters, he’d never look at you the same way. But he certainly wouldn’t hurt anyone, right?

Tonight, you find out just how wrong you are.

Non con. 18+ ONLY

Reader is gender neutral, but specified to have a vulva and wear a skirt.

He clamps a hand over your mouth firmly, covering your wanton little noises. You couldn’t push him away if you tried. But do you want to, at this point?

You’re so close to another orgasm, so desperate for it you’re not even pretending not to enjoy this. Your hands slowly, hesitantly, travel to his waist, almost guiding him to fuck deeper into you. Fritz just gives you a little smirk.

You knew something was off about him, just not how deep it went, not that he knew you so well.

Was it as obvious as he said? Obvious that you were attracted to him, wanted his approval so badly?

Maybe that was a lie? After all, could you take it as his word if it was his justification for backing you against a wall in the back of the restaurant, hiking your skirt up, and fucking you despite your protests?

Well, you certainly weren’t protesting now. Even balancing on one leg, holding onto him to stay up… you couldn’t think of the last time you’d done something like this. Maybe in college, but none of those college boys could match the intensity with which your coworker was watching you now. 

You didn’t have time to wonder if he’d do this to anyone else before you went right over the edge - coming hard with him still inside you. 

Before, you’d get off alone, your cunt clenching on nothing. One time you thought about how it would feel to come and clench down on something, and your mind immediately wandered to him. It made you flustered in the moment, but all that you’d imagined could never prepare you for the real thing. He didn’t even slow down. He just kept watching you like a hawk the same way he always did when you were alone together, as if he wasn’t buried deep inside you.

After coming for… much longer than you expected, you slump in his arms, leaning your head against his chest. 

“No,” he says through gritted teeth. “I’m not done with you yet.”

He grabs your thighs and barely gives you a warning before he’s got you up, both legs wrapped around his waist as he continues his pace. You’re scared at first - he never struck you as particularly strong, but then again... He never struck you as the type of guy to corner you and fuck you into a puddle, either.

His thrusts get faster, his calm exterior even falters for a second, as he chases his pleasure. 

At first you’re content to enjoy him pounding away at the hot mess between your thighs, especially since the new position means he’s fucking you at a new angle. But you realize that, of course, he didn’t use any protection with you. Would he…?

You don’t have the time to wonder before he suddenly pulls your hips to his, close as he can, shoving you against the wall again. You feel him coming deep inside you, and even that feels good. 

Slowly, he pulls back, gently setting you on the floor. Your legs are shaking still, and he lets you hold onto him for support as he tucks himself back into his slacks, adjusts his glasses, and looks exactly the same as he did before he grabbed you and fucked you against a wall. There is no indication that he did anything, but you’re sure you look like a mess. He gives you time to make yourself more presentable before you try to go back - he grabs your arm to whisper in your ear one last time.

“You’ll go to the table first, then I’ll follow five minutes later,” he tells you. “And if you tell anyone what just happened…”

You swallow hard, shrinking back from his intense gaze. The threat is clear. 

He just gives you the slightest smile and lets you go back to join the dinner, as if your coworker didn’t just take advantage of you.

As much as you know you should do something about it… you can’t help but hope it happens again.

[nightmarewritings]

Another one so soon? Yes because they're quick reviews and don't hurt as much to type up.

Vicious Fun (2020)- This movie certainly lives up to its name. It is an absolute blast, every character is so entertaining, and it has multiple hot slashers. What's not to love?

The plot isn't too complicated, a guy winds up accidentally attending a self-help group for serial killers and has to find a way to survive the night, but what they do with it is just great. It would be incredibly difficult to watch this movie and walk away without a favorite character.

100% worth a watch, like if I made a list of best new movies I've seen this year, it would be near the top.

You can find Vicious Fun on Shudder!

[raccoonzinspace]

If I Were to Make a Nickelodeon-Themed FNaF Fangame... 

This game’s story would be set in the year 2036 (about 27 years after the original Nickelodeon studio went bankrupt and the original Nicktoons restaurant shut down). The premise is that someone by the name of Thomas Fritz wanted to bring back the childhood magic of the original location, so he opened up a brand-new Nickelodeon-themed restaurant!

This restaurant would have several fun things for both kids AND adults alike:

-A big indoor playground (complete with play structures and a ball pit)

-Several Nickelodeon-themed arcades and a lot of classic 1980s arcades (Pac-Man, Frogger, etc)

-A prize counter full of varying trinkets and knick-knacks

-An animatronic band with authentic retrofitted Nicktoons animatronics from the original location

-A musuem with authentic relics of Nickelodeon history (old animation cells, concept art, etc)

Like many other FNaF fangames, the premise would be that the owner of the restaurant needed a security guard, so a woman named Ameila Johnson took the job. For about 200$ a week, Amelia would watch over the place that was under construction. Throughout the five nights she is there, the delivery guys would bring in more animatronics for repair (one or two per night). 

However, she notes that the animatronics have been acting a bit...quirky...to say the least (ergo, they were attacking her and trying to ensure that she went home in a box). Throughout her shift, the animatronics start to wake up one by one and are starting to become more vicious, with many of them still not being repaired yet. Throughout the various phone calls she gets from her supervisor (Katie Erra), Amelia learns about the incredibly dark history of the place, including instances of kids going missing and an incident with the animatronics that got the original place shut down (this universe’s version of the Bite of ‘87). 

On her final night of the shift (Night 6), something appears that nobody was expecting....

Now the premise is out of the way, here is the list of animatronic characters that will appear (in order)...,

The Restored Animatronics (The Ones on the Main Stage):

-Spongebob Squarepants (Night 1)

Arguably the poster child of Nickelodeon, Spongebob is the most active animatronic out of them all. He attacks from the center doorway, approaching the player and attacking (much like Toy Freddy from FNaF 2). To deter him, the player must shine their flashlight in his eyes to deter him. Simple enough.

-Cosmo and Wanda (Night 1)

Possibly the other poster children of Nickelodeon, Cosmo and Wanda travel together in a pair. Being the second most active animatronics, these two will attack from the vents (much like Toy Bonnie and Toy Chica from FNaF 2), with Cosmo coming from the Left Vent and Wanda coming from the Right Vent. To deter them, the player must shut the vents when they see them on the Vent Camera. 

-Jimmy Neutron and Goddard (Night 2)

Jimmy Neutron and Goddard play an interesting role, with neither of them attacking the player directly. Jimmy will go into the Breaker Room and start draining the power to the whole building (much like Electrobab from Sister Location’s Custom Night). The player will have to use a controlled shock to stop this animatronic from doing that because if the power goes out, the other animatronics will have no trouble attacking the player. Goddard attacks from the center hallway, but, unlike Spongebob, will prevent the player from seeing any of the security cameras by unplugging the chord. This makes for a disasterous recipe, especially during the later nights. To deter Goddard, the player will ahve to shine their flashlight down the hallway when they hear a distinct mechanical bark. 

The Withered Animatronics (The Ones in Parts and Service):

-Rocko (Night 3)

Not being as active as the others, Rocko will attack from the vents much like Cosmo and Wanda. The kicker is that he can come from either the left vent or the right vent very quietly, potentially catching the player off guard. The player will have to check the vent camera or listen out for quiet noises to know where Rocko is coming from. If he is in the Left Vent, the player must shut that vent and vice-versa. Failing to do so will result in Rocko getting in and attacking the player.

-Ickis (Night 4)

Much like Jimmy Neutron and Goddard, Ickis will not attack the player directly. Instead, he will appear on a random camera and the player has to click away from said camera. Failing to do so will result in Ickis jumpscaring the player and preventing them from using their flashlight for the entire night.

-Invader Zim (Night 5)

Possibly the hardest animatronic to deal with, Invader Zim acts much like a mix of Foxy from FNaF 1 and Withered Foxy from FNaF 2. If the player is not watching the camera in which he is located (Parts and Service), Invader Zim will become active and begin to exit the room in 3 phases: 

-Phase 1: Staring at the camera while still sitting

-Phase 2: Standing up while still staring at the camera

-Phase 3: Heading towards the door that leads into Parts and Service

Once this animatronic is at Phase 3, the player must use a controlled shock to get this animatronic away from the door.

If the player fails to do this, Invader Zim will exit the room, run at breakneck speeds through the restaurant, and stop right in front of the security office. When this happens, it’s already too late and there will be NOTHING the player can do to deter this animatronic. After a few seconds, Invader Zim will run down the hallway and into the security office, attacking the player. This is the same animatronic that was involved in the aforementioned Bite of ‘87-esc incident (ergo, he bit a guest and managed to cut their jugular vein, causing them to bl33d out in front of several horrified guests). 

-Spongeboy (Night 6)

The original rendition of Spongebob Squarepants, Spongeboy is the aforementioned something that nobody expected to appear. Being this game’s “Golden Freddy”, he will randomly appear in the security office, seeming to phase into existence. When Spongeboy appears, the player will hear a Sponegbob-esc laugh (albeit something is off about it). If the player does not pull up their camera while he is in the office, Spongeboy will attack the player and result in a unique jumpscare (ergo, a close-up image of him with realistic eyes and a loud noise). Nobody knows why Spongeboy is even in this location as there is no record of a Spongeboy animatronic even existing, which could indicate that something is definitely amiss here....

Extra Animatronics (Docile Easter Eggs):

-Doug (Any Night)

Doug will randomly appear in any camera but will not attack the player. He is occasionally joined by Skeeter Valentine, Patti Mayonnaise or his dog Porkchop. 

-Guapo and Fraz Flub (Any Night)

Guapo and Fraz will occasionally appear in the Main Dining Area or other party rooms but won’t bother the player. In both instances, they can be seen carrying large birthday presents, which indicates that these two are gift-giving animatronics.

Extra Animatronics (Hostile Entities):

-Shadowbob (Nights 4 and 5)

Shadowbob is a dark figure that resembles Spongebob and that will appear in the security office at random (much like Shadow Bonnie from FNaF 2). If the player does not pull up their camera or flash their light while he is in the security office, Shadowbob will jumpscare the player and crash their game.

-VGDJHBD (Nights 5 and 6)

VGDJHBD is a shadowy figure that resembles Invader Zim and will appear in the security office at random. If this happens, the player has to look for this entity on the cameras to make him go away. Much like Shadowbob, VGDJHBD will jumpscare the player and crash their game if he is not deterred. 

One thing to note is that Ickis and VGDJHBD can NEVER appear on the same camera at the same time.This is so that the game is still pretty fair (albeit difficult).

Phew! This was a lot to type out! I figured that this would be an interesting idea for a potential fangame. If I didn’t run the risk of getting sued, then I’d make this into a legitimate fangame! 

If you like this idea or have something to add, please let me know with a like, reblog, or reply! All feedback is appreciated!

[riverofmolecules]

Vicious Fun is a horror-comedy about a horror movie fan who accidentally finds himself in the middle of a support group for serial killers. As we are introduced to each of the serial killers, I was struck by how well they fit the colors of Magic: The Gathering. (Watch on Shudder.)

Mild spoilers below.

You know what's a pain in the ass? Training death squads for the government. You gotta take men and break them until they lose all sense of humanity. No weekends off.

Zachary is the host and convener of the group. He manages the meeting and tries to control the others to maintain order. He kills through his job, as an agent of the government, eliminating foreign threats to the US but relishing in it. He comes through as too sadistic to be pure white (he says his career has been impeded because he's too "messy"), whether it is that he grew sadistic over time in the job or he found the job to enact his homicidal tendencies, but still, white.

I murder the same victim repeatedly over several months, therefore garnering multiple kills per unit. I put my victims on life support, revive them, and kill them repeatedly. The final kill is always exceptionally... It's drawn out. It's my reward for exercising prudence.

Fritz is your torture porn killer, focused on ever increasing his efficiency as a killer and described as "more like a lizard in a skin suit." Although his analytical veneer wears thin as he slips further into his murder clown persona, he stays relatively methodical. He attacks people with a paralyzing agent in the film, carrying syringes with him, and then finishes them off while they're helpless. He is constantly taking notes and says he has a 17-point plan for disposal and concealment. Blue.

He stuck me with his bar tab.

Sounds about right.

Bob is your charming sociopath hidden in plain sight. He is the one most acclimated to normal life, passing himself off as a man of various high-prestige careers. He seduces and kills women. As the most fleshed-out character, he has elements of other colors, but I think he is ultimately killing out of narcissism. He sees himself as superior to others and is also just the biggest asshole. He combines intelligence and duplicity with impulsivity and fun, so veering into blue-black-red territory, but still centered on black.

You implied that eating flesh is a shameful act. On the contrary, it is the only meat that has any sense of nobility...and a voice calls me to do so.

Hideo is probably the one that I struggled the most to put into a color. He is a cannibal ninja, essentially, so he does not fall into a trope as easily and he also has less dialogue and screen time to flesh out his motivations. He demonstrates some qualities that had me switch his and Bob's colors a few times, including his apparent patience and self-mastery. Ultimately, I decided he has a romantic and aesthetic approach toward murder. He does not seem to look down on his victims but rather sees it as a contest. Although all the killers love killing, Hideo seems to see it as an expressive act, an opportunity to prepare and consume raw human flesh (and silence the voice within). Red.

Just want to be in the moment. All I remember is screaming. Then, the silence. You know?

Mike is your slasher movie mass murderer, clearing out sorority houses and campgrounds with his machete. He describes killing as embracing his essence animal, the shark, living only pure instinct. "Is it my fault society rejects that?" Green.

So I doubt the writer, James Villeneuve, was thinking in terms of Magic when writing the script. But I think he was trying to create a nice cross-section of murderer tropes and it's so happens that Magic's color wheel is also a nice cross-section of human motivations and methods.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #457

Top Ten Masks in the Movies

It’s December! Yay! The year is nearly over! Although really it’s starting to look a bit nicer near the end isn’t it? Biden won, they’ve got a vaccine, and the second season of The Mandalorian is fantastic. As long as Trump doesn’t nuke Iran we might make it out unscathed.

Anyway, from here on in, until probably well into January, I’ll be doing my usual stock-check of the year and looking forward to what lies ahead. What were the defining moments of 2020? What did I love? I’ll be keeping it positive, and tyring not to go to deep into gallows humour (“None of my immediate family died of Covid!”). And, of course, one of the most defining aspects of 2020 was the fact that everyone – well, nice people, anyway – went round for half the year wearing a mask.

I don’t know if “celebrate” is the right word, but to commemorate, let’s say, the Year of the Mask I thought I’d look at some of the greatest masks in the world of cinema. Lots of folks in the flicks have worn masks; I mean, there’s a fair few Quinjet-loads of superheroes for a start. But even outside of Batman’s cowl or Superman’s, er, cowlick, we’ve got everything from the Lone Ranger to Hannibal Lector to well, The Man in the Iron Mask. For pretty much as long as there have been actors, Hollywood has enjoyed covering up their famous faces. So – with no further ado – here are my favourite masks in the movies. and, yeah, this is mostly about the masks themselves rather than characters, but obviously in a perfect case the two reinforce one another. Anyway, onto the bit.

Bane (The Dark Knight Rises, 2012): maybe it’s the voice more than anything, but the adaptation of the comic’s luchador mask, with a nod to the character’s intravenous drug use, gives us a supremely iconic face mask that is part rebreather, part disguise, part vicious maw. and remember – “No one cared who I was before I put on the mask…”

Immortan Joe (Mad Max: Fury Road, 2015): let’s just take a moment to remember Joe’s actor, Hugh Keays-Byrne, who sadly passed away recently. He gave us a supremely iconic character here, whose mask is almost Bane turned up to 11; vast tubular tendrils and enormous teeth. It’s demonic, like a satanic goat or something, as well as feeling pestilent and disgusting. Definitely not “MEDIOCRE”.

Darth Vader (Star Wars franchise, from 1977): I guess there’s no more iconic mask, is there? The samurai-inspired helmet design, the mouthplate that hints at his, ahem, respiratory issues, the visor like a pair of unseeing eyes… and all in threateningly shiny black. What more is there to say? It’s Darth Vader, for flip’s sake.

The Gimp (Pulp Fiction, 1994): frankly terrifying (and, er, of questionable taste), a heavyset S&M nightmare shackled to the ceiling. Who is he? Why is he there? What does he do? We can all imagine. A fantastic, surreal element exploding out of the entire “what-the-eff” sequence that occupies Pulp Fiction’s middle third. He looks great and his wide-eyed terror when Butch breaks free is a joy to behold.

RoboCop (RoboCop, 1987): I’ve always just loved RoboCop’s mask; that helmeted design, exposing the chin, with just a thing strip of visor covering the eyes. It’s redolent of an old constable helmet in a way, although I doubt that’s intentional. It’s robotic, sure, and futuristic, but there’s something about it that just screams cop. And when Murphy removes it, revealing his scarred and battered human face, it’s a significant moment, a breaking down of the oppressive machine he was made to be.

The Mask (The Mask, 1993): I love the wooden design of Loki’s mask before Stanley Ipkiss puts it on, and I love the rubbery design of the makeup Carrey wears as The Mask. Both just look cool. But it’s all Carrey’s performance, contorting his face like a CG effect when such fidelity was well beyond the limits of even a high-end blockbuster. He looks simultaneously real, unreal, and like a Dick Tracy villain; in a word, uncanny.

Zorro (The Mask of Zorro, 1998): just pipping The Dread Pirate Roberts to the post when discussing nondescript black bandanas, this is another all-time iconic look, but oh-so simple. The simplicity is part of its charm, of course; Zorro is a man of the people in a rustic environment, so elaborate masks would feel unreal. But it’s important to the narrative of the film, too, as Zorro is a revolutionary figure, but also a legacy character, Anthony Hopkins’ Don Diego de la Vega passing the mantle on to Antonio Banderas’ Alejandro Murrieta.

Ethan Hunt (Mission: Impossible franchise, from 1996): I’m using the word “iconic” a lot, I fear, but the Mission staple of full-face masks that mimic perfectly another character is up there with Tom Cruise running or being up really high. It’s one of the few spy gadgets they can pull out that still feels futuristic and impossible, even as the thought of 3D printing a fake face now isn’t quite as science fiction-y.

Black Widow (Captain America: The Winter Soldier, 2014): a subtler take on the Mission masks, this sees Natasha Romanoff adopt a disguise during the film’s climax, before pulling off her face in one nifty shot to reveal it to be some kind of thin holographic flannel that masks her identity. It’s a really cool scene, made all the more impressive as she kicks ass looking exactly like Jenny Agutter.

Douglas Quaid (Total Recall, 1990): “Two weeks! Two weeks!” Is this another cheat? A temporary disguise? A full-on helmet? I dunno, but let’s face it, this scene is hella cool. Quaid gets past customs by disguising himself as a lady, rumbled when his synthesised voice appears to fritz out, at which point her face slides apart to reveal the granite-esque visage of Sir Arnold of Schwarzenegger. Amazing! And then the woman’s head explodes. “Get ready for a surprise!”

Anyway, that was fun, but remember kids: wear your bloody mask! For Christ sake, there’s a plague on, you pack of bellends! Just put the mask on! Honestly! And when the vaccine comes around, take the frigging thing. Do it! DO IT NOW!

[auror-lovie]

Moonlit Coven Event; Original Character: Media

━━━•✦.✧. Author’s Note.✧.✦•━

Here are excerpts of the playlist I made. Also, added moodboard headers!

You are free to checkout the full playlists linked up in the pinned post under “Find Playlists Here”.

Post under the cut!

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━

Ravenclaw Head Girl; Victoria Mei Howard

“Dancing Queen” by ABBA

“Girls Just Want to Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper

“How to Be a Hearkbreaker” by MARINA

“Girls / Girls / Boys” by Panic! At The Disco

“Wonder” by Shawn Mendes

“La vie en rose” by Édith Piaf

“Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso” by Charles-Camille Saint-Saëns

“Liebeslied” by Friedrich-Max "Fritz" Kreisler 

“Song of a Secret Garden” by Rolf Undsæt Løvland

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━

Auror: Victoria Howard

“Killer” by The Ready Set

“God is a woman by” Ariana Grande

“you should see me in a crown” by Billie Eilish

“vicious (feat. Lil Mosey)” by Tate McRae, Lili Mosey

“The Phoenix” by Fall Out Boy

“Do I Wanna Know?” by Arctic Monkeys

“Teeth” by 5 Seconds of Summer

“Feeling Good” by Michael Bublé

 “505″  by Arctic Monkeys

“Oh, Pretty Women” by Roy Orbison

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━

Hogwarts: Howard-Scamander

“Yellow” by Coldplay

“Somewhere Only We Know” by Keane

“Would You Be So Kind” by dodie

“Shut Up & Kiss Me” by Orianthi

“Line Without a Hook” by Ricky Montgomery

“It’s Been A Long, Long Time” by Harry James and His Orchestra, Vocals by Kitty Kallen

“Good-Old Fashioned Lover Boy” by Queen

“Dirty Little Secret” by All American Rejects

“Candy” by Robbie Williams

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━

Auror Duo: Howard-Scamander

“Believer” by Imagine Dragons

“Don’t Threaten Me with a Good Time” by Panic! At the Disco

“sex money feelings die” by Lykke Li

“Sway” by Michael Bublé  

“Bang!” by AJR

“That’s What I Like” by Bruno Mars

“Come Along” by Cosmo Sheldrake

“Animals” by Maroon 5

“Counting Stars” by OneRepublic

━━━━━━•✦.✧.☾.✧.✦•━━━━

[arecomicsevengood]

QUARANTINE MOVIES PART FOUR

It’s wild to watch any movie knowing that none will be made for the foreseeable future, and that the whole collective experience of filmgoing might be dead. I tend to have a certain sad, scared lonely feeling when I contemplate the future at night, and while I attempt to put off by watching movies, it only partly works. Now, more than ever, movies are a larger part of my processing of the world than the ongoing conversations I have with friends.

Smithereens (1982) dir. Susan Seidelman

There is something particularly powerful about movies where people run around, socializing. These things are pretty resonant with my youth, but “youth” in this broad sense that just means “the before times,” because if there’s anything quarantine is bringing home it’s the importance of a form of adulthood based around domestic partnerships with someone you like and having “real jobs” that can translate to telecommuting. Of course, socializing of the sort no longer allowed is really useful, and shouldn’t be written off as youthful frivolity. Smithereens is not a particularly romantic movie: While it might be famous for being “punk” in a “cool” way, documenting young New York nightlife in a way where David Wojnarowicz’s band 3 Teens Kill 4 is on a club’s marquee, it’s really about young people as these sort of upwardly-mobile opportunists with no real talent trying to exploit one another for a mixture of sex and social clout, and ignoring those who are not actively useful to them. It’s a useful document of people being shitty where the appeal now is how cool they look, and it’s interesting to watch in this moment where I’m worried that the whole idea of community will be lost very soon, in a way we won’t even be able to articulate. We’ll all be scrambling for jobs and security but everything will be further hollowed out, and we’ll be left with an even more vicious and dog-eat-dog citizenry. So a movie like this has nostalgic appealing, but by depicting the seeds of what will only become more widespread problems, it avoids feeling dated or idealistic.

Gloria (1980) dir. John Cassavetes

Oh shit this movie rules! I was under the impression I disliked Cassavetes, based on the others I had seen, and watching the first twenty-odd minutes reminded me of why: Sort of circular conversations, involving a lot of people being upset with one another. But this ends up feeling more like a movie, and less like a play. Once Gena Rowlands kills a carful of people I was completely on board. She’s great in this, playing opposite a child, who is also amazing in it, tons of dialogue that should be quotable: “You’re not my mother, my mother was beautiful” being but one amazing bit of poetry. Both extremely cute and extremely badass from moment to moment, the parts of this movie are in tension with one another where it also feels like it’s going from strength to strength, and ever scene, every moment, is great. Incredible music, and also great documentation of a world that doesn’t exist anymore, of telephone booths, smoking sections, and places that’ll develop photos for you. Highest possible recommendation.

The Naked City (1948) dir. Jules Dassin

Seemingly the first movie to be shot on location throughout New York, rather than studio backlots, and it milks the city for all its worth, shifting frequently from one location to another, introducing to new characters. Initially guided by omniscient narration but quickly focusing to become a police procedural. I knew Dassin from Rififi but this feels more exciting, I would gladly watch movies bite the techniques from this every few decades, though Gloria does a good job of moving through the streets of New York in a less-contrived way. There was a Naked City TV show ten years later, shot on location and focusing on a police precinct.

Near Dark (1987) dir. Kathryn Bigelow

I consider this Kathryn Bigelow’s best movie, but circumstances have not led me to watch it as many times as I’ve seen Point Break, so the memories I’ve retained of it were kind of inaccurate: Specifically, the thing I thought of as the climax, the part at the hotel where light is getting shot through the blankets taped up to cover windows, happens like halfway through. Screenwriter Eric Red wrote this at the same time as he wrote The Hitcher, and that’s another one that just GOES, moving from one scene to another where they all have this climactic intensity constantly but the scale is shifting of what you’re invested in? The Hitcher is a nightmare and this is more of an action movie. People point out this movie has a bunch of the cast from Aliens but I didn’t realize there’s a shot where Aliens is actually on the marquee of a theater. I also wonder if this whole horror/action/western/but with vampires thing was an inspiration to Garth Ennis? I kinda feel like the pacing I find so powerful could not really be sustained over the length of an extended comic run.

Hero (1992) dir. Stephen Frears

Dustin Hoffman plays a criminal schlub, doing a weird voice. It’s almost like he was told that the role was written for Sylvester Stallone, but Stallone’s insistence on getting a writing credit on every movie he acts in complicated the premise in a weird way, so Hoffman just attempts a Stallone impression. One of his few redeeming characteristics is he’s a loving father, but that isn’t why he’ll remind you of your dad. Maybe most men are just Dustin Hoffman doing impersonations of Sylvester Stallone! From 1992, so Hoffman’s I guess in a post-Rain-Man mode, but the film also feels very early nineties in its commentary on television news turning stories into celebrities, and an analysis of the problems with professional cynicism that seem very much of their time. It’s not like a more sophisticated critique has found its way into any mainstream film I can think of, we’ve just stopped thinking about these issues, as they’ve become much worse. Joan Cusack’s good as his Hoffman’s ex-wife, and Susie Cusack’s good as his lawyer. I would like to see Susie Cusack in more things! Geena Davis plays a television reporter, Andy Garcia plays a decent guy who is a contrast to Hoffman, there’s also small roles for the likes of Stephen Tobolowsky and Tom Arnold, really placing this in a moment of time.

The Age Of Innocence (1993) dir. Martin Scorsese

I didn’t like this one, for all the obvious reasons: I don’t like costume dramas about rich people, and I don’t like Daniel Day-Lewis. It’s an Edith Wharton adaptation, all about a world of well-mannered old money with very rigidly defined rules of behavior. Michelle Pfeiffer plays the true love Day-Lewis is kept from by the mores of the day, and part of her romantic appeal is she’s able to see through the rituals and make fun of them, while Winona Ryder fully buys into them, and thus reaps the benefits. Everything is repressed, all behavior is affect, this is of course the point but very much not my thing. There’s also a lot of a narrator reading the text of the book while the camerawork fades between lavishly composed image, while the cinematography probably looked great on a big screen I would still be very anxious about getting to the storytelling.

Experiment In Terror (1962) dir. Blake Edwards

This one starts off super-intensely, with a home invasion scene, the sense of horror in this is palpable but the fear is just used as this blackmail structure for some noir stuff? It straggles the genre line pretty well, feeling weird because of this horror energy of sheer creeping malevolence defines it. This is also considerably longer than most of the other film noir I’ve watched recently, because those moments extend and take away from the sense of a building plot, to instead feel like they might derail it. Lee Remick is the lead, and she is this terrified victim, which makes the film more interesting than if it were focused on the cop played by Glenn Ford. The main character’s younger sister gets kidnapped at one point, it gets creepy. The climax occurs at a end of a crowded baseball game, and there’s shots that I assume were done via helicopter, which seems like it would’ve upped the budget considerably.

The Harder They Fall (1956) dir. Mark Robson

Humphrey Bogart stars as a former sports writer, working to drum up publicity for a fresh-off-the-boat boxer who does not know how to fight, but is naively participating in fixed matches, for the economic benefit of the mob. While the boxer is being exploited and making no money, despite his celebrity; Bogart is being well-compensated to sell out his conscience and he is very good at playing a dude in moral conflict with himself, struggling to do the decent thing. While this isn’t the best boxing movie, or the best Bogart, it’s still pretty good.

The Devil And Miss Jones (1941) dir. Sam Wood

Heard about this one in the context of it having good politics. It’s about a rich guy who goes undercover at a department store hoping to bust the union only to realize that the guy organizing the union is supremely decent and the middle manager should get fired. It has some scenes that feel like they might play for “cringe comedy” but also are just so fucked up? One where the rich dude is forcing shoes onto the feet of little girl who is crying saying “I don’t like it! I don’t like it!” feels way too much like a pervert’s fetish for me to be comfortable with. The female lead is played by Jean Arthur, who is very good at playing a genuine, kind, and idealistic person. I am very grateful she dates the union organizer and the old rich dude’s love interest is someone age-appropriate. Interesting to see a pro-union movie from a time when unions were popular, so it functions as populist entertainment while Sorry To Bother You gestures at being radical propaganda for self-congratulation’s sake.

Human Desire (1954) dir. Fritz Lang

Another noir from Lang, with the same leads as The Big Heat. This one made me worried about age-inappropriate relationships too, as it begins with a dude being back from war, moving in with his friends, and their daughter having “become a woman” while he was away. Luckily the title refers  to a desire he ends up feeling for a married woman who as an accomplice to a murder committed by her abusive husband. Glenn Ford stars in this one, and he has this very boring morally upstanding male lead quality that makes these well-made movies feel generic. This thing is happening to me watching movies where I get kind of hung up on how no one ever explains themselves or their feelings: I don’t think they should, I think the whole thing of watching a movie where you watch it thinking like “Why don’t you just tell her you love her??” is interesting because… a writer doesn’t need the characters to explain their feelings to each other if the viewers understand them, these feelings are the most obvious things and so can go unspoken, and so you would really only have them say these things if they were lying or being manipulative? But maybe in more modern movies people really do state their motivations because screenwriters are dumber now? I don’t know.

Fail Safe (1964) dir. Sidney Lumet

I have talked about this movie a lot since watching it, and in a way that doesn’t even mention that the opening is amazing, and the title and credits sequence are all-time greats. Instead I mention that Henry Fonda’s performance seems to have inspired David Lynch’s performance of Gordon Cole, and how the weird, fucked up nightmarish ending doesn’t really change the fact that watching it in 2020 it feels like a sort of pornography of competence when contrasted against our own reality. The whole movie is about an accident that leads to a U.S. military plane flying to Moscow to drop a nuke, and everyone (except for the pilots) realizing this is a mistake and trying to avert global nuclear war. The ending is pretty astounding in its darkness. Walter Matthau plays a guy whose role is to argue for the pragmatic value of mass death, but the moral calculus that ends up being embraced is far beyond the nihilistic death drive he advocates for. Mutually assured destruction is such a motherfucker of a concept. I am really hung up on the idea that unilateral nuclear disarmament never became a thing really set a precedent for how political parties in this country will never unilaterally dismantle their propaganda machines. 24-hour news is a nightmare, not really on a par with nuclear weapons, but similarly something that should be illegal, but for the calculations made. We would be a different country if we were willing to make these kinds of sacrifices but we really are not.

The Deadly Affair (1967) dir. Sidney Lumet

James Mason stars in this John Le Carre adaptation. He plays a spy whose wife is cheating on him, with another spy. None of the twists in this are unforeseen, in fact, the title alone explains a bunch, but the title is also so generic you might forget what the movie is called while you’re watching it. James Mason is good in it, although it’s weird that he’s playing a likable guy who sort of doesn’t seem to understand why everyone can’t get along or be honest adults with one another considering his work in the intelligence community. Another solid Sidney Lumet movie.

Three Days Of The Condor (1975) dir. Sydney Pollack

This movie does a very good job of not explaining things up front, and then portioning out understanding as it goes on. The movie begins with Robert Redford getting his office getting shot up, and we eventually learn he works for the CIA, but he cannot rely on them for his protection. It doesn’t introduce the female lead, played by Faye Dunaway, until like halfway through the movie, when our hero takes her hostage. Redford can’t really explain the situation to her, and just sort of acts like a psychopath, but they are able to have a quasi-romantic relationship where she trusts him because he’s played by Robert Redford, who is in some ways the seventies’ answer to Glenn Ford. The movie star aspect allows him to sell his agreeability, although he’s also supposed to be something of a nerd, a guy whose job is just to read books and analyze the information. Max Von Sydow plays the villain.

The Third Shadow Warrior (1963) dir. Umetsugu Inoue

Watched this because it’s made by the dude who made Black Lizard, it’s a samurai thing about a warrior who employs body doubles. It follows one such body double, overshadowed by the man whose existence he supports, at the expense of his own individuality or happiness. Interesting enough, feels like it occupies the solid middle of samurai movies- Something sort of common to stuff on Criterion is something that doesn’t blow you away but it is definitely a “real movie” at the very least.

La Cienaga, (2001) dir. Lucrecia Martel

That said, you kind of do need to be careful with newer Criterion channel stuff, because some things feel more like they’re just trying to engage with an art house history in order to earn their place in the canon. This movie isn’t bad, but I do feel like the reason it’s interesting stems from a context the film itself has nothing to do with: After Martel made Zama (2017), there was talk of her being asked by Marvel to do a Black Widow movie, which is insane. The studio also volunteered to handle the action for her, which she said she would actually be interested in learning how to do herself, but she had no interest in working with Marvel. Let Lucrecia Martel make a big-budget action movie without corporate properties you cowards! This movie is pretty difficult to follow, with no clear narrative thread, a lot of characters, weird pacing, etc. There’s moments of poetry or tension but this is one of those things that’s just beyond my preferences enough to remind me of a certain aesthetic conservatism I possess. I didn’t finish Zama, though I had read the book. It’s honestly tough to imagine Martel making a movie with straightforward plot that can easily be followed, it doesn’t seem to be what she’s interested in, even in terms of editing a movie so that you have a sense of where scenes stand in relation to one another in time. Many scenes still maintain a sense of beauty or mystery but at there’s no velocity. She’s closer to Apichatpong Weerasethakul or Carlos Reygadas or Bi Gan, to name three people whose names I absolutely had to Google because I couldn’t think of them off the top of my head.

All these movies are streaming on The Criterion Channel, if you want me to recommend things on other streaming services, please DM me your login information.

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

Aries

Try not to get in the middle of two of your good friends fighting this week. Besides the whole Social Distancing thing, you have vicious, cutthroat friend who WILL cut you if you get too involved. Mostly they’ll just make fun of your hair line - but we know how self-conscious you are about that Widow’s Peak. Those comments hurt.  

Taurus

Yep, that's an embarrassed panda. And yep, that’s the punchline of a Dad Joke. And no, this time it ISN’T a haiku. It’s TWO Haikus at once. Just done really poorly.

Gemini 

Ain’t no party like a Gemini party because a Gemini party don’t stop until someone brings out your drama queen. You are the sovereign ruler of your Drama Queendom, so you should act like it! Get a crown from Burger King to show it… they have the new 6-Foot Diameter Social Distancing crowns that are PERFECT for you. Sad part is now you can’t get anyone to kiss your feet. Oh, well.

Cancer 

You are pretty good at handling money and balancing your funds, but you might need to cut back this week. Buying weird stuff off Amazon just so you can leave reviews for us to find later aint cool. Believe it or not, that “Rechargeable Twerking Llama” is a KID’S TOY! Stop bringing it to bachelor parties! 

Leo

We know you’re usually the smartest one in the room, but using crayons to explain complex mathematical formulas to people is NOT winning you any points. And for the record, there IS a difference between “formulas” and “formulae”.

Virgo

Saying you’ve committed a lot of drive-by shootings using a Canon does not make you a pirate! It makes you a photographer. That’s creepy - cut it out! Especially while you’re drunk! At least your driver is sober.

Libra 

Our employment suggestions don’t usually have an upgrade path available, but this time it’s different; An IKEA Product Photographer! You don’t have to come up with the names - the Sweedish box of “Scrabble” Tiles can do that for you. But you can take product pictures at each step of the building process so they can include it in the instruction manual. After this, you can expand out to LEGO construction! Just invest in that Macro-Lens you’ve been thinking about..  

Scorpio 

Going to a drive-thru to pick up dinner because of boredom is one thing. But using it as an excuse to restock on KFC sporks? That’s just not at all classy.

Sagittarius 

Whenever you feel alone, remember that you have 57 followers on Twitter. Some of them are bots, but HEY! Someone cared enough about you to subscribe. So send out a tweet-storm, pour out your emotions to the world, and remember that the platform you’re using was originally used to tell the world, “just setting up my twttr”. Yeah, even the FOUNDER didn’t spell “Twitter” right in the first tweet.

Capricorn 

We all have skeletons in our closets. But YOU, Capricorn? You’ve got us all beat. So whip out that giant American Gladiator Q-Tip you keep in your locker for emergencies and start screaming at people in Shakespearian challenges!

Aquarius 

With the summer heat approaching, DO NOT BUY Reddi-Wip cans and leave it in your car! If the nitrous oxide heats up and decomposes into its constituent elements of Nitrogen and Oxygen, it’ll release more heat, decomposing MORE of the gas in a runaway exothermic reaction, culminating in a rapid unscheduled dissociation of the container’s structural integrity.... Why are we bothering with all this? You didn’t exactly pass chemistry with flying colours. Look… “Reddi-Wip PLUS heat equals BOOM!” Ok?

Pisces 

Saturday will be a good day for you, if you remember these words: “Rechargeable Twerking Llamas”! If you didn’t invest in them by now, you’ve missed the boat on the bachelor party sales. Maybe you can use them in a new Made For Cable Adult Animated Movie kinda like “Fritz the Cat”. Just… with… twerking Llam-- OK, this is just too weird for us! Go do whatever you’re going to do and leave us out of it!

[tcm]

Nat King Cole and THE BLUE GARDENIA (’53) by Raquel Stecher

This year marks the 100th anniversary of the birth of unforgettable singer, pianist and all-around entertainer Nat King Cole. A pioneer in the music industry, Cole was a trailblazer who paved the way for artists to follow. He overcame adversity and prejudice to become one of the most beloved musicians of his time. Even though his death at the age of 45 took him away far too soon, his legacy has made him immortal.

Cole’s talents were primed for both big screen and small. In 1954, he became the first black man to have his own television series,The Nat King Cole Show. While the corporate world wasn’t ready for a black host and NBC couldn’t get a sponsor for the show, the short-lived series was a hit with audiences. It was undeniable that the crooner with the velvet voice had on-screen charisma.

On the silver screen, Cole’s acting career started with an off-screen and uncredited piano solo in CITIZEN KANE (1941). He went on to perform with The King Cole Trio, with Oscar Moore (guitar) and Wesley Prince (double bass), in various films. They started with Poverty Row studio Republic Pictures and eventually graduated to the majors, including Universal, Columbia, Paramount, Twentieth Century Fox and MGM. As Cole’s star rose, the parts became more and more substantial. By the end of his life and at the height of his career, he had evolved from appearing solely in musical interludes to having significant parts in films such as CHINA GATE (1957), ST. LOUIS BLUES (1958) and his final film CAT BALLOU (1965).

The year before his TV show aired, Cole appeared in Fritz Lang’s newspaper noir THE BLUE GARDENIA (1953). His seemingly small part as a torch singer ends up being critical to the overall plot. Cole sings the title song “Blue Gardenia” which was written by Bob Russell and Les Cole with an arrangement by Nelson Riddle. At the time, Cole had signed on with Capitol Records and was key to newcomer Riddle’s blossoming music career.

In the film, telephone operator Norah, played by Anne Baxter, goes on a date with the duplicitous pin-up illustrator Harry Prebble (Raymond Burr). After receiving the heartbreaking news that her beau has fallen in love with another, she takes Harry up on his invitation to dine with him at the Blue Gardenia Cafe, an upscale Polynesian Restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard. Harry’s expecting her roommate but is pleased when Norah shows up instead. The seduction scene is set: exotic decor, a private booth, a gardenia and plenty of rum cocktails. Then Nat King Cole serenades the duo with a silky rendition of the song. A mirror positioned above and behind Cole offers the audience a simultaneous view of him tickling the ivories and serenading the duo. By the end of Cole’s performance, Norah is inebriated and the story takes a sinister turn.

Cole’s song drives home the imagery of the gardenia flower, with its swirling petals, a symbol of how Norah’s life is about to spiral out of control. Harry plays a record of Cole’s song back at his apartment. It’s the last thing Norah hears before she defends herself from Harry’s vicious attack and passes out from her intoxication. It becomes key to the murder mystery that ensues when they find Harry’s dead body, but another record is playing instead. The audience will hear the song a couple more times, including one scene where newspaper journalist Casey Mayo (Richard Conte) interrogates Norah at a diner and the song plays from the booth’s juke box. More than just a musical interlude, Cole’s song is integral to the plot. With that said, the viewer has to suspend their disbelief to some extent as the number of times Cole’s exact rendition of the song appears in the story is a bit contrived. It’s also part of the fun.

Many contemporary reviews point to Nat King Cole’s performance as one of the film’s highlights. “Blue Gardenia” was released by Capitol Records with Cole’s “Can’t I” on the B-side. A couple of years later, singer Dinah Washington collaborated with music producer Quincy Jones to record her own rendition of “Blue Gardenia” which went on to become a big hit. Looking back at the legacy of the film, Cole’s performance is still a strong selling point. Even if you question its status as a film noir or if you don’t think it’s one of the stronger entries in Fritz Lang’s filmography, Nat King Cole performance makes it worth watching.

[nastyatticman]

hey I’ve been itching to fill some requests lately so here’s a tentative list of characters / things I’ll write (will add/change later)

Slashers

Billy Lenz (Black Christmas 1974)

Brahms Heelshire (The Boy 2016) what sequel

Bubba Sawyer (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre & TCM 2)

Carrie White (Carrie) (AU where she doesn’t die)

Leslie Vernon (Behind the Mask)

Bo Sinclair (House of Wax 2006)

Angela Baker (Sleepaway Camp 2&3)

Vincent Sinclair (HoW 2006)

Lester Sinclair (HoW 2006)

Candyman (Candyman 1992)

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher / Polyam Ghostface (Scream)

Any of the slashers from Vicious Fun 2020 except Zachary. Carrie, Fritz, Hideo, Mike, Bob are all on the table!

And more! Just ask and I’ll see what I can do :D

Other horror / media

The Duke (Resident Evil 8)

Jimmy Hall / Hugo Punch (At Dead of Night)

Eddie Gluskin* (Outlast: Whistleblower) (*fair warning I’m not that knowledgeable about Outlast but I feel like I have a good grasp on Eddie’s character!)

My OCs

Sidney Jade Leong, a twenty something killer with darkness behind his eyes

Duane Griffith, a beloved pastry chef by day & cannibal by night

Emil Vuong, a hitman whose existence is a mystery to his victims as well as his loved ones

Gabby ???, a woman who may be secretly living in an attic near you!

Angel, an up coming slasher who wants to be part of something big. Ghostface meets Leslie Vernon, with the most gorgeous hazel eyes

Kevin Liu, known as the Groundskeeper. A shy college student by day, who hunts down people who’ve wronged him at night.

You may request

SFW - fluff, angst, dark topics

N / SFW - vanilla, BDSM, dub con / non con okay

Slasher X reader

Slasher X Reader X Slasher/another character

Slasher X Slasher

Slasher X specific reader (** please add specifics - rather than asking for “slasher x Chinese reader” I’d prefer more detail like “slasher x Chinese reader showing them dramas”)

Headcanons

Drabbles / short writing

I’ll write this if you pay me ? 👉👈

(I’ll take money via cashapp, maybe PayPal. I’m willing to take non money offers such as buying something from an external site or art/writing! Art trades okay)

Slashers X Your OC

Slashers X you / your self insert

Longer writing, fanfiction

I won’t write

Hate speech, bigotry, etc

Certain kinks/fetishes (piss, scat, anything I’m not comfortable with)

Incest pairings (or anything where reader is in a relationship or hooking up with two+ characters who are related, I’m not comfortable with that)

Not SFW content of Underage characters, or of animals

Other stuff - I’ll let you know on a case by case basis so we can figure out something we’ll both like C:

[mygreatadventurehasbegun]

Just watched Swiss Family Robinson for the first time in about 20 years.

So many nostalgia feels!  I loved this movie as a kid.

Though, in watching it again, all I could think was that there is no way the same movie would get made today.

There’s racial stereotypes (I mean, at least they cast a person of color as the main pirate rather than using brown face...) and putting animals in situations that were probably not safe (as well as the actors working with them).  I wouldn’t necessarily say that they were mistreated, as I don’t know what went on behind the scenes...but for example, there is a scene where a zebra is caught in a mud pit and there are hyenas circling it.  There’s a moment where one gets dangerously close to the zebra.  And I doubt there would have been a way to protect it.  Also, why the fuck would they work with hyenas?  I don’t know for sure, but aren’t they considered more dangerous than lions?  All I know is that they are vicious and don’t leave much of their kills behind.

Also, I think this may be the only Disney movie that actually alludes to sexual assault and rape. 

Roberta: “You can’t possibly hold (the pirates) off forever”

Fritz: “You don’t look like a boy anymore, Roberta.  Do you know what will happen to you if you give yourself up now?”

Roberta: “Do you know what will happen to all of you if I don’t?”

Fritz: “Nothing’s going to happen to anybody!”

I mean, that’s pretty adult for a Disney movie.  And one made in 1960, no less!  

Anyway, is it the best live action Disney movie?  No.  But it’s definitely a fun time.  

[scurvgirl]

Kass’s Girls

Hi, uh, remember that au where Kass adopts Lela that I meant to add onto back in...September...yeah, here’s a bunch more of that.

Lela, Tarlaath, and Haninan belong to @feynites

Melarue, Aelynthi (hinted at) belong to @justanartsysideblog

Selene (hinted at)  belongs to @selenelavellan

Part of Kass had suspected what happened when Ash came home for the sixth day exclaiming that Lela wasn’t there at school. A mother’s intuition, she supposes.

It is not that Tarlaath reminds her of Qal, because he doesn’t. He may be a philandering ass, but he does not strike her to be as horrid as Kass’s ex. Lela’s mother, however, makes her think of the girls who were being raised to be Tamassrans but they didn’t quite make the cut - and thus grew resentful. Worse, Kass can see that while they have left the Qun, the Qun has not left them.

She got that obedience gene. A red flag popped up in her head when he said that, which is why she began to walk little Lela home. Adorable, sweet Lela.

She holds the little girl’s hand and tries not to cry on her behalf - not out of sadness but absolute horror. Of all the things to keep with them...they choose this barbaric, backward thought. Kass doesn’t know what kind of magic Lela has or what she manifested, but she knows from first hand experience, that whatever it was, it wasn’t strong, and the reactions of her parents will stay with her for the rest of her life. Ash still looks over her shoulder every time she practices her little practice spells, worried she will see her father. Now Lela will feel isolation and guilt, and it is wrong, so deeply wrong.

It’s not their fault they are born with magic, they have done nothing to deserve punishment.

They walk hand in hand down to Kass’s old, beat-up hatchback. Kass puts Lela in Ash’s booster seat that has just about given up the ghost. She smooths her hand over Lela’s curls then moves to load up the back with her things. She doesn’t have much, and neither do Kass and Ash, but whatever they have they will gladly share with Lela.

How does Kass explain that this situation is more permanent than what she initially said? She does not trust Lela’s parents to come around, she doesn’t trust that they won’t hurt her in some way as Lela’s magic grows. And it will grow. Lela will learn spells and how to control her magic through study and practice.

Kass slides into the driver’s seat and turns on the car, Frozen’s soundtrack whirrs to life and starts playing Let it Go. The irony of the situation makes Kass snort, but Lela seems happy to sing along and after a moment, Kass joins her.

It took some working but Kass managed to take the day off to investigate the issue going on with Lela. Her boss at the bookstore is luckily understanding of these things - she’ll just have to cover for the next three Sundays and do grocery shopping at night. And since Lela has been so traumatized, Kass figures the girl could use something good. A treat.

They just need to first stop by the school and pick Ash up, but then they can head to the apartment. She has some ice cream and milk they can put in the blender for an after dinner treat...or before dinner, depending how everyone is feeling.

She pulls the car into the pick up line and Ash goes to climb in her seat to find Lela there.

“Lela!!” Ash says brightly.

“I’ve missed you!”

“I missed you too, Ash,” Lela says in a softer voice. Kass hops out of the car and gets Ash situated in the seat next to Lela.

“Lela is going to stay with us for awhile, like a long sleepover, okay?” Kass straps her in and puts her bag in the passenger seat. The trunk is full and she doesn’t want to advertise to the whole school what is happening with Lela. Kids, and their parents, can be vicious. Lela has had enough thrown at her.

Kass will have to speak with Haninan about the new situation, but she knows he will be understanding. They can work something out to catch Lela up on the weeks she’s missed.

“Yay! I can show you all my toys and movies! Mama got The Last Unicorn on Friday!” After Kass is sure Ash is secure in her seat, she gets back in the driver’s seat and drives them all home. Ash chatters happily with Lela, telling her all about the movies and toys she has. Kass knows that the movies aren’t exactly new and neither are the toys, but they’re still fun and Kass tries to get them as often as she can, even with the budget as it is. Ash likes them and that’s all that matters, not what snotty, rich parents who’ve never had to worry about the grocery budget think.

She pulls into the parking lot, maneuvering the car to avoid the pothole that has been there for years. She parks in her usual spot then the ardorous process of getting everything from the car to the fourth floor apartment.

The apartment is not much. It’s two bedrooms, the kitchen is a tiny galley style, the carpet is old and stained but it’s theirs. They used to be on the third floor, but Kass got the manager promotion at the bookstore last year and they were able to move into this empty corner apartment, upgrading from a one bedroom to a two. Ash had been so happy to have her own space back. And now she’ll need to share that space, though it’s not so bad to share it with a friend than it is with her mother, Kass thinks.

Kass keeps them in the apartment while she lugs everything upstairs. She gets the bag into the apartment and notices both of the girls suspiciously close to the small closet near the kitchen she’s been using as a pantry.

“And what exactly are we doing in the pantry!”

“Nof’ing!” Ash says around what Kass thinks is a cookie. Ah, yes, the oreos she got a few days ago.

“Okay, you both can have three each, but no more until after dinner,” Kass says. Lela needs leniency, even if Ash doesn’t. Lela’s needs right now needs to take some precedence.

“Okay!” Ash says. The bag rustles and the girls quickly move from the pantry to Ash’s room before Kass can change her mind. The rule is that Ash gets a snack plus around fifteen minutes of free time before working on her homework. Thankfully homework in first grade isn’t much more than math coloring sheets and little reading activities.

Kass sets to taking out Lela’s clothes and putting them in a hamper.

“I’m taking Lela’s clothes down to the laundry, you girls stay put, okay? I’ll be back in five minutes. I’m locking the door.”

“Okay. Lela, who do you wanna be - Nala or Hedwig?” Kass smiles as she leaves the girls to figure out which fictional animal character they want to be. The trip down to the basement laundry is always annoying. The elevator hasn’t worked the entire time Kass has lived here, so it’s five flights of stairs with a hamper. The staircase is poorly lit too, the fluorescents are always on the fritz.

She gets down to the basement level and lets out a relieved breath. Relief turns to sour worry when the building manager’s door peeps open and the smarmy little man poke his head out.

“I saw you bring that little girl in,” he says, “and now you got laundry?”

“I’m a mother, Rufus, she has friends, and clothes get dirty. I have a roll of quarters, don’t worry.” She moves past the door with the hamper and makes her way into the laundry room.

“I’m just saying, all new tenants gotta be approved,” Rufus says behind her. Disgusting little man must have found the energy to crawl out of his hole to pester her, hmm?

Kass refrains from rolling her eyes, “Did the Velmans need to get their newborn approved when she had that baby? What about Anya when she brought home her cousin’s baby because her cousin got arrested for dealing drugs?” She pushes the quarters into the machine to get the water filling the basin before tossing in soap and the clothes.

She can feel Rufus’s glare burning a hole in her back. As much as he glares, as much as he pitches a fit, he isn’t entitled to her private life. He’s just the manager, he doesn’t actually get a say in who lives here - that’s up to the landlord.

Kass grabs the hamper and heads back up the stairs to her girls. She pauses at the thought. Her girls.

It’s not as if Kass was ever against having more children, she’s always like children, she just...never thought it would happen like this. All the day dreams of finding someone kind and wonderful, having a baby with them…. But she thinks about Lela and about what she needs and Kass thinks that she can be kind and wonderful for her, because she needs her to be.

She returns to the apartment to find Lela and Ash still playing pretend with Ash’s stuffed animals. It’s...a good image, and one that stays with Kass for a long time.

**

Lela’s stay with Kass and Ash stretches from days to weeks, to months, until she is finishing first grade with Ash. The girls are let out on an early dismissal for the last day of school and Kass is there to pick them up and bring them to the diner next to the bookstore. Hanina is there, waving them off.

“Remember to sign up for summer magic tutoring!” He says and Kass gives him a thumbs up - the girls are already signed up. She got them registered first thing. The girls groan but they’ll be thankful for it in the future.

Kass helps them into the car, strapping each girl into her seat. Ash’s skin is heated from her excitement and a low current of electricity runs through Lela’s. It shocks Kass, making her reflexively shake her hand out.

“I’m sorry!” Lela says immediately.

“Not to worry, Lightning Bug, no harm done.” She kisses Lela’s forehead and wiggles her fingers to show her that she’s fine.

Kass waves by to Haninan, “I’ll see you in two weeks!” She calls. He gives her a thumbs up and the girls wave goodbye to him as they pull away from the school.

“How does it feel to be done with first grade?” Kass asks and Ash throws her hands up.

“AWESOME!”

“Good,” Lela says.

“You girls do so great this year, I thought it would be nice to get burgers and milkshakes. How does that sound?”

“YAY!” Ahs exlaims. Kass looks up in the rearview mirror to see Lela smiling and close to giggling. She’s been in one of her more reserved moods as of late, the event likely making her think about the absence of her parents.

It’s hard to fill the space where Lela’s parents should be. As much as Kass does her best, she knows that Lela feels their absence keenly, even if her last memories of them are harmful. Kass understands that, sometimes she misses Qal, not the end parts but the beginning, when they were nineteen and wanting to get out of the Qun. He had been so idealistic, and for a while, it wasn’t so bad. It was good enough that she agreed with him that they should get married. It was good, until it wasn’t. The hard part comes in that just because things turned bad, it doesn’t necessarily erase the memories of when it was good, or the feelings. It’s best to give Lela the ability to feel what she needs to, there is no right way to feel about this. They are complicated feelings even for an adult, nevermind a child.

No matter how Lela feels, Kass just tries to be there for her.

Kass pulls into the parking lot of a diner next to the bookstore. Ash is practically bouncing in her seat in anticipation while Lela is still looking out the window. They all hop out and Kass almost picks Ash up to keep her from running off. Girl’s getting too big for that now, though, Kass can’t go throwing out her back now.

They eat their burgers before the waitress brings out their milkshakes. Lela sniffles over hers and Kass brings her in close. There had been concerns that she wouldn’t finish the grade due to the amount of time she missed, but they all worked hard to get her through it. Mr. Haninan had been so understanding, working with Lela after school and not giving her assignments that were too hard for her. Kass worked with her too when she had the time. Even Ash pitched in to show her how to do things, even when it strained her eyes and made her frustrated with her reading.

“Yeeees,” Ash grins and begins slurping down her milkshake. She keeps her hands off the glass, careful to not the milkshake into just flavored milk. But she pulls back, face all scrunched.

“Brain freeeeze!”

“Aaah!” Lela laughs. Ash takes a deep breath and squinches her eyes closed for a moment before actual steam starts coming out of her ears.

“Ashokara, be careful!” Kass says, leaning forward to take her now feverish daughter’s face in her hands. Not surprisingly, Ash pulls away laughing.

“I’m fine, Mama! Mister Haninan showed me how to do it.”

“Just...be careful not to melt your brain,” Kass isn’t so sure about the trick, but if Haninan showed it to her...it can’t be unsafe. Still, it’s her job as a mother to worry.

“He showed Lela a trick too!” Ash says. Lela takes this as her cue to rub her hands all over her hair then lift her hands up away from the strands. Her hair follows and between the strands and her fingers are little sparks of electricity.

“I don’t need a balloon!” Lela declares and Kass laughs. Indeed she doesn’t. As much as she worries, Kass is glad to see the girls having fun with their magic. Especially Lela. It’s important to love the parts of you that cannot change and with Lela’s first introduction to her magic...it’s good to see her laughing and having fun like a normal mage child should.

Lela and Ash giggle some more over their food before they need to leave. Kass brings them to the bookstore where she needs to finish working and puts both girls in the kids’ section where they can play and read to their hearts’ contents.

The first few weeks of summer look like this - Kass waking the girls up for breakfast and they all go to the bookstore. Ash and Lela hand out while Kass works. They eat packed lunches together and Ash makes comments on she wishes she could go to camp like other kids. Kass wishes it too but it’s just not in her ability. They have summer tutoring soon and that will be fun because it’s with Mr. Haninan, she reminds them. Ash groans but Lela smiles, so at least one of her girls is looking forward to it.

There’s that thought again. Her girls. It’s been happening more frequently, Kass seeing Lela as hers. It’s worrisome in that Tarlaath had initially expressed wanting Lela back eventually. Well, when is eventually? Truth be told...Kass is hoping against eventually happening. Yes, Lela should have a relationship with her parents but only if her parents are willing to be supportive of her, and that includes her magic. Kass also worries about the history. Her parents actually locked her away in that tiny room, didn’t touch her, traumatized her for her magic. Kass isn’t so sure she can let Lela go back knowing that it could happen again.

When Kass heads back to tell the girls it’s time to go, Lela is reading a book to Ash about Tug the Nug. Kass stops just out of direct sight of the girls and watches them for a moment. Lela’s reading is stilted and effortful but Ash nods and tells her to keep going.

“You try again!” Lela says, giving her the book. Ash’s brows come together but she takes the book and leans in close.

“Tug...the...nug run...runs through - Lela, it’s too hard.”

“Keeping going! You’re doing it.”

Ash sighs but puts her face back in the book, “Tug the nug...runs...what’s that word?”

“Uh, a-c-r-oss. Across!”

“Across the rug.”

It warms Kass’s heart to see Lela helping Ash with her reading, but it also makes her worry. Haninan had told her that Ash showed some signs of dyslexia, plus she needed glasses. She can...save up for glasses, but dyslexia comes with recommendations for private tutoring that Kass just can’t afford.

She steps out of her hiding spot after a few more minutes of watching Ash struggle with the book. They’ll work on it this summer, probably past the summer even.

“Hey, girls! Having fun?”

“We’re reading, so no,” Ash grumbles.

“Letters hurt Ash’s brain sometimes,” Lela says.

“I know and you were so good at playing teacher. We’re going to work so that they don’t hurt her anymore. But right now, it’s time to go home and get some dinner, how does that sound?”

“Good! We can watch Sailor Moon!” Ash jumps up while Lela puts the book away with a sigh.

“You can watch Sailor Moon after we eat dinner as a family.”

A family. The word makes Lela pause and look up, a question on her face. Kass smiles and holds out her hand, “A family.” Lela takes her hand and they go home and have spaghetti and meatballs then watch Sailor Moon, as a family.

The month of Justinian arrives and summer tutoring starts. Kass doesn’t tell the girls she has the day off, instead opting to...tell a small lie. She has an errand to run.

She drives to Lela’s old apartment building and tries to not turn back around and pretend she shouldn’t be doing this. But...she should at least see where everything is regarding Lela.

Only thing is, when Kass knocks on the door expecting to find Tarlaath, a short dwarven woman answers instead.

“Hello? Can I help you?” She asks in a thick Orzammar accent.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I think the person I’m looking for moved...can you tell me where the building manager is?”

“Yes, he’s on the second floor, far left from the elevator.”

“Thank you! Have a nice day.” Kass waves and turns down the hall, trying not to feel sick to her stomach. Is it too much to hope that they haven’t just completely abandoned their daughter?

No, no, they may have just...needed the move. Kass knows that being any place with a lot of baggage can be harmful and difficult to handle. Maybe they just needed a fresh start and didn’t know how to contact Kass.

She makes her way to the building manager’s room. She knocks on the door and a younger elven man opens the door.

“Hi, yeah, can I help you?”

“Hello. Yes, I’m looking for a couple of people, last name Adaar? The man’s name is Tarlaath, I think they may have moved. You wouldn’t happen to have a forwarding address would you?” She asks. He rubs his face then sighs.

“You police?”

“Oh no, I’m...a relative.”

“And you don’t know where they moved to?”

“Qunari aren’t so good with the whole family thing, we’re still figuring it out. Do you have an address? I don’t mean to press, I just only have so much time, you know with work and the kids.” She smiles at him and he sighs, rubs the back of his neck before pushing the door more open.

“Yeah, yeah, I get you. Hold on, I got an address. They moved out a month ago, we still keep getting their damn mail and having to send it over to’em.” He lets her inside the apartment and she follows him over to a table covered in papers. He sifts through the papers before coming up with wrinkled piece of notebook paper that has a rather large coffee stain in the middle of it.

“Here we go, this is where they’re at now. Hey, if you see’em, tell’em we still keep getting their mail.” She copies the address onto a sticky note and thanks the man before heading out. The part of town they’ve move to is an hour away and summer tutoring class only lasts until one, it’s how they get away with not having to pay for any lunches for the kids. Any later and they’d be required to have the option for a meal.

Kass gets in her car and drives. It’s an hour mostly due to traffic since they moved closer to the city. An hour and fifteen later, she’s standing in front of a nicer building. It’s not a nice building, but it’s nicer than the affordable housing out in the burb.

She stands out on the sidewalk, staring up at the beige rectangle. Apartment C24. She presses the button on the call pad, waits. No answer. She presses again, no answer. She presses a total of six times before the static through the intercom breaks and a familiar voices responds.

“WHAT?”

“Tarlaath, it’s me, Kassaran. We need to have a discussion.”

She hears a heavy sigh, “Yeah. We do. I’ll let you in.” The door unlocks and she heads inside and up to level C. Tarlaath is waiting for her at the front of his apartment, he waves her in and gestures for her to sit down.

He rubs the back of his neck and she can see the guilt and strain on his face.

“You moved.” Kass starts with the obvious. She looks around, sees two doors - one to a bathroom, one to a bedroom, but that’s it. The old apartment they were in was a two bedroom.

“Yeah...we didn’t need the two bedroom place anymore and I got a new job working security at one of the warehouses by the docks.”

“Tarlaath….”

“Don’t Tarlaath me! Look, I did the right thing, okay? I, I gave you her and she’s better with you than she would be with us. We never meant to get pregnant, it just...happened.” He starts explaining and Kass frowns. The guilt of what he did is hurting him at least, but this….

“I thought you wanted this to be a temporary, just to get over the initial shock of it,” she says, her voice low.

“Yeah but...look we can’t do this. She’s a Saarebas, Tama! I can’t...the Qun is wrong about a lot of things, but magic is dangerous and what’s to stop her from getting possessed and killing us?”

Kass purses her lips and takes a deep breath. She’s not surprised, not really, it was sort of expected, really.

“Okay,” she says. Tarlaath stops his pacing and looks at her.

“That’s it?”

“You’re not good parents so you should not be parents. You can’t love your daughter so you should not be parents, so yes, that’s it.” Sometimes...sometimes unfortunate things happen and it is all she can do to try to be good and open to helping when those things happen. Ash was a surprise, like Lela, and to say her father reacted poorly to her magic manifesting is an understatement. Kass has weathered this storm before, she can weather it again for Lela.

“Look, I loved Lela, but she -

“It doesn’t matter how you felt, it is what you feel now that is important. I am happy to raise her, magic and all, but you will need to sign over custody to me. Both you and your wife.” She doesn’t want any nasty formal issues arising from this. Kass needs to be Lela’s legal guardian. Tarlaath sighs but nods.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll give you my cell, we can coordinate good times for this stuff.”

“Good.” Kass takes out her phone and quickly types Tarlaath’s number into it. She gives him her number as well, but asks him not to call her only because she doesn’t want Lela to accidentally overhear the call. He agrees.

Kass leaves apartment C24 with a heavy heart but a new purpose. She’ll be Lela’s mama now, and that’s alright. She gets back in her car and drives back home. It’s not quite time to pick up the girls, so she goes to the bookstore to check on things.

It’s a nice bookstore, one of the few still locally owned businesses in town. She’s been the manager for over a year now and she starts to get a little anxious if she’s away for too long. Nell has been giving her more and more responsibility over the last few months and she has a slight suspicion as to why. If her suspicion is correct, she needs to step everything up to show that she is worth the honor of inheriting the shop.

A quick check shows that the store is doing fine. Most of the students from the local university are home over the summer which translates into slow months for Parchment. Still, Kass likes to be around.

Twelve-thirty rolls around and Kass heads out to get the girls. They come running and laughing out of the school to the pick up line. They pile into the car and start chattering away while Haninan comes to the passenger window.

“They did well! They’re both very elementally focused, as you know. Lela is distractible and that seems to be the main issue with her static going a little haywire. Ash has so much energy that she struggles to keep it at a good level. But those are both things we are working on very hard. Ash might want to get into regular sports to help regulate her energy and practice attention activities with Lela. Each girl has a folder with suggested activities.

“Oh, thank you! I’ve been wanting to do more to help them, this is great, thank you.” She waves to Haninan as she pulls away from curb. He is such a kind man, she’s so grateful to have this option for the girls. Private tutors are ridiculously expensive.

They go home, have lunch and the girls tell Kass all about the magic they learned. They learned breathing techniques and about different emotions today. She lets the girls have the living room with the TV turned to Toy Story while she goes into her room to read over what Haninan gave her to read. It’s all very informative though a little overwhelming. There is so much to get caught up on. None of this was ever public to the Qunari since mages were, are, always kept separate. Saarebas may not have their tongues removed and mouths stitched shut now, but they are still considered dangerous and ultimately antithetical to the Qun’s teachings.

It’s hard to think of Ash and Lela being subjected to those teachings, to being essentially quarantined away from people as if their magic were a disease. But that is exactly how some still magic as evidenced by Lela’s parents’ reactions.

The day stretches on, Kass makes dinner, they eat, and the girls play some more before Kass puts them to bed. She is settling into her bed with a book when her door creaks open and Lela peeks inside.

“Hey Lightning Bug,” Kass says, her voice sweet with affection.

“Hi, Miss Kass,” she replies. Kass pats the spot next to her on the bed and Lela is quick to join her.

“What’s up?”

Lela shifts and sniffles, her eyes downcast and shoulders slumping. “Ash wanted to play on your phone and when she turned it on, she saw my papa’s name.”

Kass sighs, so much for keeping this from Lela, “Yes, I went to see him today. And we both think it’s best if you stayed with me. Your papa and mama don’t really know how to...handle magic, and that’s not a safe situation.”

Lela looks up at her with big watery eyes and Kass’s heart breaks. How anyone could...she doesn’t understand how having magic can change how you feel about your child. It’s magic, but it’s still your kid, and the magic has always been there.

“I’ll hurt them?” She asks in a small voice.

“Oh, baby, no. They will hurt you because they don’t understand and they don’t know how to try to understand. It is not safe for you. None of this is your fault, okay? You did nothing wrong.” She smooths a hand over Lela’s hair and nubby horns. Lela sniffles again and wipes her nose on her sleeve. Her cries are soft sounds, like she doesn’t want to be heard.

Kass thinks of the room she was locked in, about the avoidant nature of her parents. She is seized by the need to hold Lela and at the moment, she’s not resisting that impulse. Kass picks Lela up and holds her to her chest, tucking Lela’s head under her chin.

“I’ve got you, and it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be upset. I’m still going to be here, I’m not going anywhere. So you just cry, it’s okay,” Kass says softly. Lela sniffles a little more before her body starts to shake more and she begins to sob into Kass’s shirt. Kass holds her through it all, her grip unchanging.

“Mama?” Ash says from the door. Kass looks up, still holding Lela.

“Lela’s feeling sad right now, so I’m helping her,” she explains. Ash’s face draws up into worry, then into determination. She climbs onto the bed and starts hugging on Lela too.

Kass’s heart swells with pride. Her girls are good people, they are kind and compassionate and she is lucky to have them.

**

It takes a few months to finish all the paperwork that officially signs Lela over to Kass. Lela cries sometimes about it, but she doesn’t seem unhappy to be with Kass, just sad to be losing her parents, which is understandable. Ash cried a lot the first year after leaving Qal. As much as she was afraid and as much as they both knew it was best to be free of him, they inexplicably missed him too. Missed when it wasn’t so bad, when he wasn’t so bad.

Lela’s name doesn’t change. Names are so important that Kass feels that it should be her decision when she’s older if she wants to take Kass and Ash’s last name or if she wants to keep her own or even change it completely.

By the time second grade starts, Kass is officially Lela’s legal guardian. The fall is also when Nell takes Kass into her office and gives her the news - she wants to retire and since her children have no interest in inheriting the business, then Kass can inherit it. It’s...an honor and a relief. A gigantic responsibility but wonderful all the same.

Kass spends the school year under Nell’s tutelage on how to run the business. She already has the gist of most of it after managing for so long but now she is going to be owner. The pay, the responsibility, the status...she’ll be able to do things for the girls. After all the strife and the unexpected twists and turns, it finally feels like things are looking up for them all.

Lela and Ash begin to grow like weeds in second grade. Their clothes seem to never be the right size and leads to more than a few meltdowns in discomfort. Kass saves up and manages to buy each girl a couple of longer dresses that will allow them to continue to grow without becoming too short or restrictive.

Mr. Haninan starts up an afterschool program for some of the younger mage students whose parents afford private tutors. It doubles as after school care and Kass jumps on that quick. Soon, the apartment is full of two little girls and their magic. Ash comes home one day with a bag of marshmallows and begins roasting them with the window open, apparently an assignment from Mr. Haninan. Lela comes home with light bulbs and whirligigs that spin when a button is pressed - except that the batters have been removed and Lela holds onto two different ends, concentrating to make the toy spin.

Even with the after school tutoring and all the work they’re doing, Kass worries that they’re not getting enough magical instruction. Everything she’s read has suggested private tutoring and maybe that is just due to money making system but how does she know?

Lela still asks about her parents. She looks at Kass’s phone and there was a fight about her wanting to call her father. It ends with Lela grabbing Kass’s phone but she’s so wound up she short circuits the device.

Kass is lucky enough to be eligible for an upgrade anyways. It’s unfortunately expensive, but she needs a phone. It stretches their finances for months and makes that year’s Satinalia a particularly lowkey one. Lela carries the guilt around her for months and refuses to touch any electronics for a long time. She worries about even touching the microwave.

It causes a specific type of frustration in Kass, not at Lela but at the situation. Her frustration reaches a breaking point one evening where Lela won’t touch fridge because she’s afraid of what she’ll do. Kass goes into the girls’ room and grabs a few of the whirligigs Haninan has been giving her. She sits Lela down and has her power up the toys.

“Now stop it without removing your hands,” she instructs.

“What?” Lela asks, eyes wide.

“You can do it. Just...focus on the energy to stay inside of you and not outside of you. Take a deep breath and pull it all in.” Kass has no idea if that is the right way to instruct regarding magic but Lela tries. It takes several minutes of trying but the toy eventually stops. It sputters and stops moving entirely.

“I…” Lela stares at the still toy, hands still on the handles.

“You did it! See? You can control it, it just takes some effort. You are a great little mage and you get better every day.” She smiles and the toy spurts back to life only to die down a little, then come to life again.

“It’s hard….”

“Sometimes the things we need to do are very hard, but that just means we need to sit down and keep working on it.”

And work on it, they do. Every day when they get home after snacks, Kass sits down with Lela and they work on making the toy stop for longer and longer periods. When she gets really good, Kass invents new little challenges. She has Lela get up and dance and get excited and then has her turn the toy off. She times it and gives Lela little rewards for when she beats her personal best until she can turn the lights on and off at will and to a specific beat. It’s just in time for the end of second grade.

On the last day of tutoring, Haninan takes Kass aside and gives her a flyer.

“I wanted to let you know that Lathvhenas Academy is accepting scholarship students for the fall, and I think Ash and Lela are fantastic candidates. It’s a kindergarten through twelfth grade mage specific school. My son goes there. I can write them both recommendation letters, train them for the entrance exam in Solace.”

Kass looks down at the flyer in her hand, her mind running with all the possibilities, “That is...yes. Haninan, thank you. You have done so much for us, I can’t possibly return the favor -

He waves her off, “There is nothing to return. Do you want to do this?”

“Yes, absolutely yes. Just...what if one girl gets and the other doesn’t?” It is a real concern, what if they like one of them more? What if they want electricity mages more than fire, or vice versa? What if they don’t like the gap in Lela’s teeth or Ash’s stubborn streak? What if they don’t accept students with dyslexia?

But it is too good of an opportunity to not try.

She pulls Haninan in for a tight hug and tries not to cry on him. He has been so good to them all, so patient and helpful through everything.

Summer is a busy one. Nell transfers Parchment over to Kass officially and it is exhausting work having everything suddenly be her responsibility. But she see how much she makes and it makes it all worth it. While Kass works her days away at the bookstore, Ash and Lela are with Haninan training for the entrance exam. They come home exhausted and starving. Thankfully Kass’s new job has her making plenty to buy the extra food they’re eating. Haninan’s wife, Ireth, comes over a few times to show her a few things to feed the girls to keep their magical energy up.

Kass starts actually saving money and feels the crushing weight of the possibility of an emergency slowly begin to ease. They’re not where she wants them to be yet, but now there is a possibility that she can get them there.

In her downtime at work, Kass works on the application to Lathvhenas. It is...and extensive application, one where she has to call the school several times for assistance. But she finishes it and gets it submitted just in time for the committee to review it. Weeks later and she gets the call that both Ash and Lela are going to be examined for admission. Kass holds the letter with the news to her chest and tries to feel relieved and excited rather than worried out of her mind.

Lathvhenas is a primarily elven school. A wealthy elven school for the displaced Arlathan elite who are only here because of work. She isn’t even sure there are other Vashoth students there, she knows for certain there aren’t any dwarven students. And even with all that, it’s her daughters’ best chance at a magical education.

The next two weeks, Ash and Lela train even harder. They practice control and intensity which are the two biggest things that the school looks for, apparently. Both girls have plenty of intensity, it’s just...manifesting it properly that becomes the challenge.

Examination day arrives and a nervous energy fills the apartment. Kass wakes the girls up, feeds them a hearty breakfast of eggs and ham, makes sure they drink their energy boosting smoothies with lots of banana in them and heads on out. They had to buy new outfits for this, both out of necessity and worry that the girls would stand out in their clothes. Now they’re in prescribed white t-shirts and black leggings. Thankfully new shoes weren’t required because they were expected to be barefoot.

Kass drives over to Lathvhenas and for a moment she just...sits there, in her car, staring up at the incredible, the imposing, the downright intimidating and borderline terrifying building of Lathvhenas. It is an old building, or a new building done in an old style, but it is large with...white stones and flying buttresses (at least that’s what she thinks the proper term is) and archways and old doors that probably weigh like three hundred pounds.

“It looks haunted,” Ash says.

“Those gargoyles might be friendly?” Lela says in a small hopeful voice.

“That one looks like he wants to eat your face.”

“Maybe that’s just how he smiles.”

How can such a terrifying place be a place of learning for children? And that gargoyle does look like he wants to eat someone’s face.

“Alright, girls, it’s just a building. Remember what Mr. Haninan has taught you and everything will be okay. And manners! Remember your manners!” Rich people are very attached to their manners and so sensitive when said manners aren’t strictly adhered to.

Kass takes out the map she printed earlier at the bookstore and hops out of the car. Ash and Lela follow her as she tries to make sense of the place. The examination is happening in the Gymnasium Hall, which is by the field. All of that takes them to the back of the campus and under the Suledin Archways.

“It’s so weird how everything is bigger, I’m so used to everything being too small,” Ash says in awe.

“Yeah, I feel small,” Lela replies.

“That is because you are little, you are my little ones.”

“Mamaaa.”

They reach the end of the archway and Kass sees what must be the gymnasium ahead. It’s a tall building, but not tall enough to be two stories, and it is vaguely barn-shaped. It is covered in murals, however, bright and beautiful compared to the dull white and grey of the stone of the rest of the buildings. Well at least one thing here looks child appropriate.

Inside the gymnasium are more murals lining the hall. The building i split into four different gyms, two fasting the east, two facing the west. Each door is labeled with a number and the hall is lined with seats. Several families are already there, either waiting for the kids to come out from examination or waiting to send them in.

Lela is being examined at ten in gym four while Ash is in gym two. They’re thankfully next to each other, so Kass has them take seats between the two gyms. She ends up sitting next to someone she can only describe as one of the, if not the, most gorgeous person she’s ever seen in her life. Their hair is cropped to a fashionable bob and their clothes are like the kind celebrities wear in magazines, so effortlessly chic and beautiful.

They look up from their book, bright silver eyes framed by enviously long lashes making her breath hitch for just a moment.

“Good morning,” they say.

“Good morning. Are you here for the exams?” She asks and they nod.

“Both of mine are moving from the mid-school to the upper-school, so they need to be re-examined. A formality. And you?”

“Oh, we’re trying to get in with the scholarship spots. They’re both so talented and this school is so amazing. Ash, Lela, say hi.”

“Hello,” the girls say and the stranger smiles while they wave.

“It’s nice to meet you girls. I’m Melarue Bre'Atishmanerathe, you girls can call me Serah Bre’A, I know that’s easier.”

“Kassaran Tashorit, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Kass says. They shake hands, smiles pleasant though theirs looks like it belongs on a billboard for a dentist.

“That’s okay, no one ever gets my name right, either,” Ash says.

“Oh? And what’s your full name?” They ask and Ash sticks out her chest, proud.

“Ashokara Tashorit, and this is my...this is my sister Lela Adaar.”

“It is a pleasure, Ashokara Tashorit and Lela Adaar. I hope the very best for you with your examinations.”

“Thank you, that is very kind of you. Thank them, girls, they are being very kind.”

“Thank you,” they chorus and she smiles gratefully at them. The clock strikes the hour and the doors open precisely on that time. Kass jumps in her seat and Melarue leans over.

“The doors are enchanted to be on a timer so no one runs over long. Don’t let the examiners see you jump, parental reactions are just as important, especially if you’re not a mage.” Their voice is low but firm, secretive and kind.

“Oh-oh, thank you,” she stammers. Out walk two students, one white haired girl and one lithe boy. Melarue smiles at them and rises from their seat, holding their arms out.

“How did it go?”

“Fine, Nanae, no need to worry,” the girl responds.

“I had complete confidence in you,” they say and the boy sighs.

“Nanae, we’re going to be late.”

“Always in a hurry. Very well, we’ll go. It was nice meeting you Kassaran,” they say, waving to her as they set down the hallway with their children.

“It was nice meeting you too!” She calls and they shoot one last smile at her before leaving. They seem a lot more pleasant than what she expected from the parents at this place. She was expecting snooty and uptight and unfortunately prejudiced in more ways than one, not...polite and whispering words of advice.

She has little time to dwell on it before two people step forward in front of the gyms.

“Lela Adaar.”

“Ash...a-kar-a Tashor-it.”

Ash amazingly resists the urge to sigh as she follows the person who called her name into the gym. Lela does the same and soon they disappear behind the heavy doors. And so the waiting game begins.

Kass brought a book to read, but she finds she can’t focus on the words as she worries. Are they seeing Ash can be too brazen sometimes? Or that Lela can be timid and it affects her spellwork? Are they judging them unfairly or thinking them not capable because they’re Vashoth instead of elven?

It is one of the most nerve wracking hours of her life, and that is saying a lot. When the magical doors snap open again and the girls come out, they look harried and tired, but otherwise fine. Kass stands up, not jumpy or alarmed just normal, and smiles at each person walking her daughters out.

“Thank you for your time. Girls, did you thank them for their time?”

“Thank you,” the girls say.

They leave the scary and intimidating school and head to the diner. The girls wolf down an early lunch and once home, they nap for several hours before waking up with boundless energy. Oh to be young again.

Weeks pass and the anxiety over if they got in or not mounts. The school year is approaching fast and she needs to know if she will need to buy uniforms or any other supplies now. Just when Kass is sure they’ve been denied, she gets a letter. An actual letter instead of an email, congratulating Ashokara Tashorit and Lela Adaar on their admission to Lathvhenas Academy with the attached Generosity Scholarship.

They got in. Her girls...got in.

She doesn’t realize she’s crying until Ash and Lela are crowding around her, hugging her, telling her that they’re not upset they didn’t get in. They love Mr. Haninan and it’ll be okay. Oh, these girls.

Kass never quite understood when the Chantry people always talked about being blessed by the Maker or Andraste or whatever. But she thinks she understand the immense gratitude now, because even with all the crap that has happened to her and these wonderful girls, they’re still good. They’re all still good.

“Girls, girls, you got in. You both got in, you’re going to Lathvhenas Academy in the fall.”

[itsaaudraw]

forgot to include the killers from vicious fun (a movie that is so severely underrated)

hideo, mike, fritz, and bob

In your opinion, who are some of the most underrated slashers??

definitely these guys

the driller killer, he has no name as far as i know but he’s supposedly a reincarnation of russ thorn from the first movie. i just call him DK (slumber party massacre 2)

the blissfield butcher (freaky)

leslie vernon (behind the mask: the rise of leslie vernon)

nathan wallace/the repo man (REPO! the genetic opera) yes he technically counts

h0rny the clown (drive-thru) yes that is his name