#frigginfightme

[frigginfightme]

Y'know what i hate? Fucking driving everywhere for a local job. I've driven out 45-60min to do one day trainings and paperwork signing bullshit 3 separate times for a singular job, that the home base is only 20min away from me. Fucking ridiculous. Like i get that you can't always have all your shit in the same facility but meu deus please just don't make me do that to the point I'm constantly emailing my teachers to let them know i might not make class I've confused them 3 or 4 times now.

[frigginfightme]

Men.

That's it. That's the post.

[frigginfightme]

What alignment chart am i if I use bang to take my medications and never warn my multitudes of doctors that i down caffeine like I'm immortal and cannot sleep so I've got to do something with my time?

[frigginfightme]

The second death

They say six months is when the second death occurs.

In the process of grieving you end up at the six month period, and everything intensifies. From multiple experiences, I can say this was true whether I realized it or not at the time. When I've grieved deaths, when I've grieved life changes, the six month mark is hell.

At six months, you are no longer living in the shadow of old routines. You have established new routines and you have eliminated parts of your life. You no longer need that person or that old part of your life in order to function. It is both freeing, and at the same time traumatizing to realize that you no longer rely on someone or something that your world revolved around. It doesn't matter if it's a lost parent, or an ex, or a job that meant a lot to you. You no longer need that to function in your day to day life. And that's fine. It no longer shatters you to know that everything has changed.

And that knowledge that you are no longer shattered by the fact that everything has changed? That is what breaks you. That is the second death.

For the first six months you can tell yourself all sorts of lies. It's especially interesting when it's someone who's died. "They can come back still." No they can't, they've been cremated. "Why is the house empty?" Because they're dead and buried. "Well what if I called their phone?" It hasn't been charged in months who the hell do you think you're trying to talk to? A ghost?

But there's a beautiful freedom in some second deaths. A realization that your world does not revolve around your old circumstance? A realization that you no longer are trudging through each day just hoping to survive? A realization that your actions are changed because you have changed them?

For once, the second death is beautiful to me. I like it.

(Read A Grief Observed by Sheldon Vanauken for the full explanation behind the name "the second death")

[frigginfightme]

I once set my keyboard to pop up suggestions when typing in place of swear words. I thought it would be funny, but i didn't realize that it would fuck up my swipey keyboard. I had to explain this to a friend. And now I am blessed with this iconic screenshot.

[frigginfightme]

Good morning to all two of my followers, back pain sucks ass and doesn't even manage to do it in any way that's satisfying.

In light of that here are some tips curated by yours truly over several years of having a shitty back.

Have a tennis ball? Have one of those really weird fused tennis balls that's got the dip in the middle between the two balls? That is now your best friend. Lay on it for hours on end.

Don't have a fused tennis ball? How about 2 tennis balls and some duct tape? Yes? Duct tape two tennis balls together and make sure there's a divot in the middle of the balls for your spine to sit in. That is now your best friend whenever you are laying down.

Sitting up hurting? Instead of sitting upright immediately, roll on your side from your back, and push your self all the way up using your arms. Do not use your core muscles. That will cause more pain. 0/10, I don't recommend causing more pain.

Heat packs and ice packs are both your friends. Alternate them so you can bring down inflammation in your joints (your back has quite a lot of those) with ice, and relax your muscles with heat.

Don't lay on your stomach... Just don't. Especially if the pain is in your low back. Trust me on this, it only makes it worse. Upper back might not be so affected by it though.

Hot showers. Long hot showers. Enough said.

I can not endorse icy hot enough. Or aspercream. Or arnica gel/cream. Literally any muscle rub is going to help. I recommend icy hot bc then you're too distracted by the simultaneous hot/cold experience to notice more pain usually.

Tips for if you medicate (I'm not a doctor, so this is from personal experience, please don't sue me): if you're using ibuprofen, don't take more than 1200mg a day. Check your dosages on your bottle. If you've got 200mg tablets, that means only 6 tablets a day, and i recommend spreading them out as far as you can. Before i saw my rheumatologist, i took 600mg in the morning, and 600 mg in the evening. I tried to space them out about 12 hours apart. If you only need a medium dose at a time, try 400mg per dose. If that's wearing off faster than every 12 hours, try 400mg every 8 hours. Ibuprofen can crap out your kidneys, so please be careful about how much you take. My rule of thumb is if I can't remember if I took it or not, then i have to assume i took it and suffer through the pain, even if I'm 75% sure i didn't take it.

Medication tips continued (again please don't sue me): if you're taking Tylenol/acetaminophen, then please be careful still. Tylenol can crap out your liver, and you only have one of those, even if it can regenerate. The maximum dose i would take as an adult (and some of this is based off age, some of its based off height and weight, so check your bottle) is 1000mg. And I'd take that every 8 hours as needed. (personally Tylenol didn't work for me, so i only took it if I felt like i was dying.)

If you don't want to take medications, that's valid and based. My dudes medication sucks more than a prostitute, and that's bc you've got to remember when you took it.

Another medication tip. If you're running on a 10-12 hours in between doses (or 8 hours between doses even) write down the time you took your last medication on a whiteboard, sticky note, your phone, anywhere you might remember it. This is important for the days when you're laying there in immense amounts of pain and have called out from work bc standing hurts. You can then confirm if you've taken your meds or not.

If it gets unbearable, keep in mind: pain isn't normal. Go schedule an appointment with your doctor, or go to the urgent care or emergency room. I understand that insurance sucks, and that you may not have good insurance, but trust me if you can bring yourself to go to the doctor, it's better to do it now than to wait until you literally can't move. I have a friend who ended up getting surgery for a hernia to solve his back pain, while i got referred out to a rheumatologist, so there are many different solutions and not all of the reasons behind back pain are directly tied to your back.

Another note about doctors: i have found that they are quite concerned about back pain in younger people, especially if you have a job that means you can't account for back pain. I was really surprised my primary doctor wanted to run blood tests when I first told her about my back pain. VERY surprised. My parental unit and i both had questionable experiences with the doctor before, and my other parental unit worked in healthcare so i knew that doctors were very busy, and sometimes wouldn't always catch everything that the nurses or aides would catch. I had expected to have to insist that something was wrong, and instead was told "I'm ordering a set of labs, just show up to the outpatient lab at the hospital and they'll take your blood and send you on your way." Doctors do listen. I promise there are good ones that will listen to you, and won't just discount your pain for something else.

Okay babes that's all for now. Pls don't kill your backs and pls be gentle to yourselves.

[frigginfightme]

Lemme just say this loud and clear

Councilor Mel Medarda sucks and is the second worst councilor, only second to the old coot who can't focus on what's happening

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk

[frigginfightme]

Due to unspecified reasons i only have one parental unit at the moment (this number will double again at the end of the month with Parental Unit B). Parental Unit A (referred to from now on in all posts as A) and i were talking about random stuff as we do, and i was telling A about the wonders of me now taking vitamin D3, and how I'm WIRED at any given moment. This is fine, but less than desirable at work when I need to sit still to be a paper pusher and compiler. We ended up talking about Parental Unit F (now referred to as F from now on) and how the likelihood that F suffered from clinical depression was quite high. A then corrected the above statement by saying "Actually I wouldn't be surprised if F had anxiety because of the crippling perfectionism. It probably would have been better if F could have worked outside the house instead of being a stay at home parent." A is probably right on that, but I am now here looking up on the NIH website if anxiety is actually genetic, or if that's just a theory/myth because I told A that i literally had times when I was little where i would feel nauseous because i *couldn't* wear a certain outfit for no other reason than i didn't normally wear outfits like that, and i would change clothes three times before i could calm down and wear something. I'm still not sure about therapy, but i would definitely like an answer instead of just sitting her in the dark with exceptional amounts of back pain.